Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter One: The Fight 

Amelia comes home after a long day at the hospital to the sight of her baby boy, Scout cuddled up against Beltran’s chest, the woman’s arm curled around his small frame protectively. Both fast asleep. Little Mermaid, the live action plays in the background on the tv. The sight of the two makes her heart burst with happiness. She quietly walks towards her home office to drop off her bag before making her way back to the sleeping occupants in the living room. It had been Beltran’s day off so the Chief of Peds kept both kids with her at home instead of taking them to daycare. 

Amelia gently caresses Beltran’s cheek, slowly drawing the younger woman awake without startling her. “ Hi sunshine.” She whispers softly as Beltran stir lightly, eyes fluttering before finally focusing. 

“ Hey Shep,” Monica beams at her. Her mouth trailing up to the palm of the hand that’s caressing her cheek and presses a kiss there. Amelia’s cheeks flush at the action. She should be used to it since it’s a habit that Monica tends to do a lot but it still gets Amelia every time. She quickly learned while living with the Chief of Peds, that physical touch and quality time is Monica’s love language. It had taken Amelia a while to get used to Monica’s random innocent touches and her need for any form of physical contact but she had grown to love it. It had definitely taken her a while to get used to it. She had been unused to that much physical contact with someone who wasn’t Scout. It overwhelmed her and made her feel suffocated. It had caused her to snap at Monica. Their first ever real fight if her yelling at Monica could be considered as a fight. 

“ Stop touching me!” Amelia screamed. Monica, who had been hugging her, immediately pulled away. Amelia quickly learned that Monica loved physical touch. At first, Amelia hadn’t minded it even enjoyed it. But then it became a lot for her. Monica would always touch her whether it be holding hands, their shoulders touching but there was always a closeness between their bodies, something always touching. It overwhelmed and overstimulated her so not used to always having that much physical contact with someone who wasn’t her son. Scout loved physical touch too. So, it was a lot for Amelia with both her son and Monica always needing to have some sort of physical contact. “ Just stop touching me! You’re always touching me! Can I not have my own personal space? Jeez, you’re suffocating me with your clingingness, your need to always have physical contact!” Amelia had been too angry to notice the way Monica had flinched at her raised voice nor did she see the way Monica had taken a huge step back from her. She didn’t notice how the younger woman  had gripped her own wrist with her hand behind her back to calm herself. 

Monica’s mind went back to the memory of her ex-wife having screamed at her for the same reason that Amelia was screaming at her for. The relationship she had with her ex-wife had been toxic. She hadn’t realized how toxic it had been until it had been too late. While it had never been a physical abuse like how her mother used to abuse her, it had been an emotional and mental type of abuse. In her opinion, that was much worse. The bruises and injuries of physical abuse can heal and scar but words do not. It sticks to the person, clings to them like a possessive lover. Her ex-wife had invalided her feelings and needs and she had realized all of that too late. She can’t go through that again. She won’t survive it the second time. Last time she had brushed off all the red flags in her relationship with her ex-wife because her ex-wife had been the first person to have ever shown her kindness and affections. Back then she didn’t know that physical abuse wasn’t the only type of abuse. She thought abuse only came in the form of physical blows. It had made her despise any sort of physical contact. Only years and years of  therapy had finally helped her accept touches of others. Her wish and dream of being in Peds also helped a lot. It had been a goal since she knew that in her line of work, physical contact is required. 

Having been a twin, physical contact had been one of the many things hse had cherished but after her twin died, she despised it. It had become a source of pain instead of comfort. She found it rather ironic that her love language is physical touch. There are times where she still flinches when people touch her but she’d gone a long way. She doesn’t let people touch her unless she initiates it first or else it sets off a trigger in her which causes her to either shut down, have a panic attack  or dissociate  (it’s a trauma response as to what was done to her as a child). There were a few who she allowed to touch her without having to initiate the touch, her mind and body having fully trust them. It was her way of showing that she trusted them. A silent consent. 

The first time that Amelia had touched her, it had taken her by surprise. A hug. It had been in the heat of the moment celebrating the success of a very complicated surgery. Instead of her body and mind shutting down at the sudden contact, she had welcomed it. She basically melted into it. That was one of the first signs that she knew that Amelia was someone she was growing attached and fond of. To her it was an important development in their acquaintanceship (it wasn’t exactly a friendship yet). Amelia was considered as a safe person in her mind. Yet as the sound of Amelia’s raised voice has her recoiling away from the person she considered safe. It triggers her in a way she hasn’t done in a year since having moved to Seattle. 

“ I’m sorry,” Monica apologized, trying to make herself small. The memory of both her ex-wife and mother forefront in her head. Their sneering faces were the only thing she could see. Their voices rang in her ears. “ I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to suffocate you. I won’t touch you again. I promise.” Tears blurred her sight, her heart raced in fear. 

“ Thank you,” Amelia said, not realizing the effect she had on the younger woman. Monica took that as a dismissal, one she had been grateful for. She fled the room quickly and made her way to the nursery. She had locked it before making her way to the crib. She picked up her baby girl who gurgled happily at the sight of her. The baby stared at her with such unconditional love as she snuggled against her. Monica felt the first tear fall before the rest followed unstopping, wetting the baby’s head. 

“ Lo siento, mi amor. Mama está bien,” (I’m sorry, my love. Mama’s okay). The Spanish left her mouth unexpected though it brought her comfort. It soothes her to speak in her native tongue. It was a comfort. She watched her baby girl grasp her index finger, the baby squealed happily as her feet and arms flailed around. Monica poured her love into her embrace, having pressed a kiss on her baby’s head as she quietly sobbed so that Amelia didn’t hear her. She allowed herself to think about the situation. She was hurt that Amelia had scream when the older woman could have rather just ask politely to have space. Monica would have understood better than anyone how overwhelming and overstimulating physical touch could be. Amelia hadn’t shown signs that she was overwhelmed or had communicated that she wanted personal space (though Monica knew that everyone needs their own space sometimes and she knew that she had been in the wrong for not communicating with Amelia properly when it came to physical contact). She hated the fact that her brain no longer considers Amelia as a safe person let alone her safe person. The walls that Amelia had somehow lowered were now rised up once more higher than before to protect herself. Monica knew that she tends to be clingy with the need to always have physical contact with Amelia but it had been her way of showing her care in the privacy of their own home. At work, Monica was nothing but professional so she tends to bottle up everything. Some days were really hard and stressful and her mental state would be very bad. So all she wanted was to go home and cuddle Amelia or one of the kids. It allowed her to decompress, to let go of everything, and just be in the moment with her loved ones. It was a comfort she looked forward to every time she came home to her safe person. Except now she doesn’t even have that anymore. Amelia had screamed at her for it. 

Amelia felt guilty for having snapped at Monica but she had been overwhelmed with work and everything. Monica hugging her did not help whatsoever in her stress because all she wanted to do was to kiss the other woman, to be intimate with her but she couldn’t do any of that. The two of them had an agreement to just be friends after sorting out the whole Ndugu situation. It wasn’t helping that Monica was sending mixed signals which made Amelia even more frustrated. The whole reason why they agreed to just be friends for right now was because they were sharing custody of Emilia. They agree to give their romantic relationship a shot when Emelia turns two.  Does she regret agreeing to share custody with Beltran? No. But is there a part of her that wished she hadn’t agreed? Maybe but only because she would have been dating Beltran already (maybe). They both agree to build the foundation of their relationship based on their friendship so that if that their romantic relationship didn’t work out, they would still end on a good term for the sake of their daughter. It was logical honestly but boy does it drive Amelia crazy with all those causal touches made by Monica that it makes her want to throw away their agreement so she could finally kiss the woman of her dreams (literally). But Amelia won’t because she respected and cared about Monica way too much too that. So she’ll ensure the next two years, play the long game even if it seemed like two years was a long way to go. 

Amelia notices the subtle distance Monica creates between them. She can’t tell if Monica is doing it on purpose or if she’s unaware of the distance between them that wasn’t there before. She hopes that it’s the latter because she doesn’t know how to feel if it’s the former. She notices how Monica no longer reaches out for her, or even touches her even by accident. The casual random touches are gone. She finds herself actually missing it. She’s got so used to it that not having any sort of physical contact with Monica feels like a loss that she didn’t know is possible. 

She’s not sure whether or not she imagines it but she’s certain that she feels Monica tense up when she touches her arm briefly. They work together on the same case. A 12—year—old boy with a benign tumor in his brain so they perform a surgical removal of the tumor. The surgery is a success. Amelia looks at Monica with a question in her eyes, one that Monica doesn’t return. She’s too focused on their patient. It’s the excuse that Amelia gives Monica for not returning her gaze. 

“ We’ll keep you monitored for a week. See how you feel and how the healing process goes before we send you home, okay bud?” Monica informs the kid and the parents. “ You’ll be alright, Superman.” She grins, giving the boy a high-five. “ We’ll come back to check on you later, okay.” The boy nods, laying back down to sleep. His parents walk up to her and Amelia as they make their exist out of the room, thanking them. 

“ You’re the real heroes, you guys were the one who brought him here allowing us to take care of the issues,” Monica says ever so modestly. “ So thank you for trusting us with your son.” She smiles at the parents, shaking their hand. Amelia watches the interaction with a fond smile. As they walk out to the hallway, Amelia notices the slight gap between them. It’s been a while since they’ve walked with a gap between them. They been practically attached to the hip to each other since adopting baby Emilia and living together. Some part of them is always touching whether it be a hand or shoulder. So to see that gap between them makes the hairs on Amelia’s arms rise. Something is wrong . 

“ Are we okay?” Amelia asks Monica who is yet to spare her a single glance and is currently looking at another patient’s chart. It takes Monica a moment to answer which doesn’t help Amelia’s concern. 

“ Huh? Yeah. I uhm have to go prep a patient.” Monica says. Amelia frowns. Monica is avoiding her , she realizes. She gently places a hand on the Chief of Peds’s forearm, watching. It’s not imagined. Monica’s body tenses up beneath her hand. Monica is rejecting her touch and boy does it stings. Monica never once rejected her touch before, always welcomed them, always accepted them. So Monica rejecting her touch is like a stab in the chest. 

“ What’s wrong?” Amelia asks, pulling her hand away. 

“ Nothing. I need to go prep my patient now though. The surgery is in 20 minutes so I have to go,” Monica says, finally looking at her. Amelia is rather taken back to see such coldness and closed off look in those honey brown eyes aimed towards her. Not once has Amelia seen that look ever directed at her. She’s seen that look on Monica’s face before but never directed towards her. There’s always warmth and fondness in those honey brown eyes when she looks at her but there’s none of that. A shiver runs through her, an ache in her chest. Yet despite seeing that look in her eyes, Amelia still waits for the kiss that Monica normally gives her on the check when they part ways but it doesn’t happen. Instead she watches as Monica basically runs away from her. It feels as if her heart is being ripped from her. 

It’s been five months since that fight. They did make up eventually. They’ve communicated their boundaries with each other so that there wouldn’t be any more miscommunication on that aspect. They both came up with an agreement. Three golden rules. 

One: Always be honest with each other. 

Two: Always communicate even if it’s for the smallest thing (can be either spoken or written communication). 

Three: Never go to bed angry with each other. 

“ How were they today?” Amelia asks, sitting beside her. There’s a twinge in her chest when Monica doesn’t automatically reach out to hold her hand or lean her head against her shoulder like she used to do before the fight. Despite making up, there is still a distance between them. A rift that Amelia doesn’t know how to heal because she’s the one who caused it. Monica no longer does causal random touches nor does she let her touch linger when she does touch Amelia. It stings that she’s lost a part of the younger woman’s trust. It hurts that Monica doesn’t fully trust her anymore. Amelia wants to be frustrated about it but she can only blame herself. She has to earn the younger woman’s trust back. There are times when she touches Monica and the woman would flinch or tense up and move away. She knows that she’s to blame for that reaction. 

“ They were perfect little angels,” Monica says, a smile on her lips. She presses a kiss on Scout’s head whose face is nuzzled against her neck. Amelia raises an eyebrow at her as if asking ‘ really?’ 

“ They were. Milly slept almost the entire day and barely fussed unless she was hungry or needed a change but other than that she was content,” Monica elaborates. “ Scout played with her so gently it was adorable. We did photoshoots at home. Their matching outfits were so cute.” Monica pulls out her phone careful not to wake Scout and types in her password then goes into her photos to show Amelia the pictures. She hands her the phone so that Amelia could see the pictures better. 

Amelia swipes through the photos, heart melting at each one of the photos. “ Send this to me please.” She doesn’t have a lot of photos of both Emilia and Scout together since half of the time Scout is with his Dad. 

“ Of course,” Monica says, accepting her phone back from the older woman. “ How was your day?” 

“ It was a long day. Just happy to be home,” Amelia answers. It takes her by surprise by how much she wants to cuddle Monica. Physical touch has never been something she cared much for. It wasn’t her love language but ever since having Scout and then living with Monica, it’s slowly becoming one of them. She craves to just fall into Monica’s arms and be held by her, the way Monica used to when the younger woman would have a long day at the hospital before the fight happened. 

“ Do you want to talk about it?” Monica asks. She knows that Amelia tends to bottle her emotions up as well. So if Amelia wants to talk, Monica is more than happy to just listen to her. They both agreed that bottling emotions up isn’t the best way to deal with them so they’ve come up with the agreement that they either talk to each other about whatever emotions they’re bottling up or write it down in a notebook so that they’ve at least released whatever emotions they bottled up. If it’s really bad then they write it down on a piece of paper and then throw it into a fire. No idea why they’ve agreed to that but they did. Therapeutic or something. 

Amelia looks at Monica, the concern in the other woman’s eyes evident. She’s grateful for the offer, but it’s an adjustment with this kind of communication. “ Maybe later,” she says softly. “ I just want to enjoy being here with you and the kids right now.” 

Monica nods, understanding. She shifts slightly, careful not to wake Scout and hesitates for a moment before placing a hand gently on Amelia’s knee. It’s a small gesture but it’s a start. Amelia knows that it will take awhile for Monica to be comfortable and free with her touch again. She looks at Monica, a silent permission. She knows that she’s allowed to make physical contact since Monica initiated it but she can’t help but silently ask for consent to touch her back. Monica nods her head. Amelia places her hand over Monica’s. They sit in silence for a moment, the sound of Scout’s soft breathing and the ticking of the clock on the wall fills the room. 

“ Thank you,” Amelia whispers, her voice barely audible. “ For giving me a second chance. For taking a chance with me.” 

Monica squeezes her knee gently. “ We’re in this together,” she replies. “ We’ll get through it together.” 

Amelia nods, feeling a glimmer of hope. They still have a long way to go, but for now, they’re here, together , trying to rebuild what’s broken. And that’s enough. 

Chapter Text

Chapter Two: Injured

There’s a shooter at the hospital. A teenager no older than sixteen, holding the lobby hostage at gunpoint. Monica feels her heart beating out of her chest. The one time she decides to take the kids to daycare by herself and this happens. She pushes her children behind her, using her own body as a shield as she assesses the teenager. 

The first thing she clocks is that the teenager is afraid. The teen’s hand trembles, finger on the trigger ready to shoot. Their eyes dart around, similar to the way a patient is anxious or nervous. The teen is in survival mode. Monica notes with a sinking feeling. The second thing she clocks is that the teen is injured. The hand that’s not on the gun is pressed against their side, blood seeping through. The teen is heavily favoring their left side where the wound is. The third thing she clocks is that the teen will die if the wound continues to bleed. They’ll bleed out. 

“ Hi,” Monica takes her chance. She hopes that she can create a connection with the teen so she can get close enough without getting shot at and get the gun away from the teen’s hand. It is not protocol, definitely against protocol. Amelia would kill her if she learned that she’s risking her own life but right now that didn’t matter. Behind her are her scared children, she needs everything in power that nothing happens to them. So yes, she’s going against protocol. There are only a handful of people in the lobby which is good and the rest of the hospital is in lockdown already so no patients, staff, or visitors can come in. “ I’m Dr. Beltran. What’s your name?” Her gamble works and she has the teen’s undivided attention. The teen looks at her, aiming the gun at her. Fuck . Monica raises her hands up, lowering herself so that she’s not so intimidating but makes sure she’s still shielding her children from the teen’s sight. She won’t risk their lives. A part of her wants to cry because it’s not fair that her children have to witness this. But she has to be strong and make sure that she survives for her kids, for Amelia. She adores Scout for shielding his sister’s eyes from the scene, and adores him for turning it into a game for her baby girl. She knows that this moment will forever be in his brain, a trauma. He’s nine now, old enough to remember things such as these though she hopes that his brain shields him from this moment. She makes a mental note to set an appointment with a psychiatrist for him and Milly if she survives this intervention with the shooter. 

“ Rose,” the teen—Rose answers her after a moment. It takes Monica by surprise. 

“ It’s such a gorgeous name,” Monica says, softly smiling at her. “ My daughter actually has the same name as you.” She lies. Her entire being screams at her for disclosing such information to someone who is literally erratic and has her at gunpoint. She knows that it isn’t wise to give the person who has a gun aimed at you information as important as that but she needed to find some sort of personal connection with the teen. She hopes that it makes the teen sympathetic to her if she knows that she’s a mother. She knows that it can backfire terribly but thankfully it doesn’. Rose slightly lowers the gun. Monica can see the curiosity flicker in Rose’s eyes. 

“ You’re a doctor. What kind?” Rose asks, intensely staring at her as if analyzing her. 

“ I am. I’m Chief of Pediatrics,” Monica answers. “ My line of work ranges from newborns to adolescent teenagers.” 

“ I don’t like doctors but you don’t look so bad,” Rose confesses. The last part more muttered to herself rather than to Monica. The statement makes Monica tense up. The entire hospital is full of doctors. One mistake and someone (most likely her) could end up dead. Though it seems Rose has taken a liking to her so maybe they have a chance to walk away without bloodshed. “ Mother said that doctors are good people. They’re meant to help and heal you.” That piques Monica’s interest though a part of her feels like she knows where Rose is heading. She understands it too well. She can see the subtle signs. “ But doctors are nothing but liars and bad people. All they do is take and hurt you.” She feels her stomach drop and her heart sink. 

“ How so?” Monica forces herself to say despite knowing the implications of what Rose means. It takes everything in her power not to cry. Her heart aching for the teenager in front of her. She knows where the teen’s hatred and fear is rooted. 

“ They hurt people,” Rose answers. “ Hurt little kids, hurt me .” Monica closes her eyes briefly to stop the tears from falling, taking a deep inhale before opening her eyes again. Fucking hell. No one deserves that, let alone a child. She is angry on the teen’s behalf. How dare those offenders call themselves doctors when they violated a child? How dare they abuse their power and strip the child of their childhood forcing them to grow up way too quickly in a very unforgivable world . There’s that personal connection she wanted with the teen. She knows it all too well of what Rose has gone through because she herself went through it herself though in a different setting. She’s unable to meet Rose’s gaze, not ready to face the very mirror held up to her so she looks behind the teen. She catches Bailey’s eyes who mouths at her that the security and law enforcement has been notified and should be on the way. She just needs to stall and make sure to keep Rose’s attention on her until then. 

“ I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that happened to you,” Monica tells her. It will not fix, nothing can fix that because it still happened but it is acknowledgement. An acknowledgement that she sees and hears Rose, that she believes her. “ It wasn’t your fault. They violated their rights as doctors. They were meant to help you instead they failed and robbed you of your own autonomy.” She watches the way tears fall down on Rose’s face. She slowly stands, hands still up. Rose’s guard had lowered, safe enough for her to move into a standing position. “ I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.” She can tell that Rose is skeptical, no doubt having heard that before only for it to be broken. “ You don’t trust me and that’s okay. I want to help you. I know you’re injured. You need to stop the bleeding and close the wound or else you’ll bleed to death.” Rose’s eyes flicker at her then to her injury, thinking. Monica doesn’t take a step towards her. “ I can guide you to stopping  the bleeding and even to close the wound.” 

“ Mother said that I needed to go to the doctors. I never wanted to,” Rose says. Monica waits patiently to see where the story is going. She listens. “ She didn’t believe me when I told her that the doctor was hurting me.” Monica’s heart breaks all over again for the teen.  “ She always said that I was dramatic, to stop making up fake scenarios and that I was being ungrateful. She turned a blind eye to the evidence on my body. She sold me to those pigs.” 

Tears blur Monica’s sight, she blinks them away. “ I believe you. I see you.” A part of her wants to pull the teen into a hug and shield them from the world. “ I believe you, Rose. You didn’t deserve what happened to you.” Monica forces her mind to stay in the present, repressing the old memories to the back of her mind. She doesn’t need to be relieving that memory right now, especially right now. She had tried so hard to erase, to bury that memory, pretend it never happened because she wouldn't give him that satisfaction that he ruined her, broke her. 

“ I never wanted it. I was ten,” Rose sobs. Monica feels all the air in her lungs knocked out of her. The memories unfurl in her mind. 

“ I was eight,” Monica confesses, watching the way Rose’s blue eyes meet hers. There’s an understanding. She ignores the eyes on her at her confession and keeps her focus on Rose. “ A neighbor.” She feels the way her chest starts to slowly cave in as the image of the man appears unwanted in her mind. She feels her breath shallowing out. She takes a deep breath, trying to control her breathing again and stay in the present. Stay with Rose . She thought to herself.  She doesn’t know when she began walking towards Rose or when Rose began to meet her half way but they were close enough for Monica to take out the gun from Rose’s hand. 

Before she could though, the sound of the elevator opening startled Rose. The teen’s finger pulled the trigger. A deafening crack echoes through the room. Monica’s ears ring as she looks down, stunned to find blood seeping through her clothes. She presses her hand on her abdomen to stop the bleeding. She didn’t realize that she put her body in front of the gun as it went off, her instinct having taken over to protect her children. Her world spins, the cries of her children fading as she loses consciousness. The last thing she hears is Rose’s frantic apology before everything fades black. 

Chapter Text

Amelia is not okay. She hasn’t been okay for the past week since getting that dreadful phone call from Bailey who informed her that Monica had been in an “accident”. Is getting shot considered an accident? She wonders but she couldn’t sleep without dreaming of that morning and the following event. 

Amelia finishes taking a shower. It’s her day off so Monica offered to take the kids to daycare since the younger woman is scheduled for a 24-hour shift at the hospital. It means that Amelia would have the condo all to herself to relax without worrying about the kids. She decides to spend her morning reading and binge watch all the Marvel Cinematic movies before doing some work. She’s on her second movie of her Marvel movie-thon—The Avengers: Age of Ultron—when she decides to check in on Monica. It’s Milly’s first day in daycare. She’s sad that she isn’t there to see her off since Monica literally benched her from going to hospital unless it’s an emergency and a necessary to go. Amelia knows that Monica is only benching her for her best interest since she’s been slacking off of taking care of herself and the younger woman wants her to have a day to herself without having to stress or worry about the kids. 

Shep 💙: How’s drop off going? Milly throwing a fit yet? 

Shep 💙: Scout had thrown a fit the first time I left him at daycare. It took me 20 minutes to calm him down and remind him that I would be back for him after I finished work

Shep 💙: Send a pic of them for me, please :) 

Amelia hits send, putting her phone beside her and continues the movie. Only twenty minutes passes when her phone starts ringing. The sight of Monica’s name flashing on her screen has her grinning. She accepts the call. 

“ Hey Beltran!” She greets cheerfully, beaming. 

“ Amelia,” the sound of Bailey’s voice answers her. She frowns, brows furrowing as she pulls the phone away from her ear to make sure that she hadn’t read the caller ID wrong. 

Beltran 🤍

She didn’t read it wrong. That’s Monica’s phone. 

“ Bailey?” She asks, confused. “ Why do you have Beltran’s phone?” At first Amelia thought that Monica might be in surgery and that’s why Bailey answered the phone but Monica called her so that wouldn’t make sense as to why Bailey would be answering the phone. 

“ Listen, I need you to come to the hospital right now,” Bailey says. Amelia’s heart raced, her stomach dropping. She scrambles to turn off the tv, rushing her way to the door and getting her keys. She can hear frantic shouts coming from doctors in the background of the call and the familiar sound of children crying. Her children , specifically. 

“ Are Scout and Milly, okay?” Amelia asks, making her way to the garage and into her car. “ Where’s Beltran? Can you put Beltran on the phone?” She wants to hear Monica’s voice. She wants to talk to her, wants the reassurance that the younger woman gives her that everything is okay. 

“ Beltran is in surgery. Lincoln and Owen are operating on her as we speak,” it feels as if her world just stops. Monica is in surgery. She is on the operating table. 

“ What do you mean she’s in surgery?! What the hell happened?!” She asks, racing through the streets trying to get to the hospital as fast as she can. Her mind racing through the worst case scenarios. 

“ She was shot in the abdomen. She’s lost a lot of blood and right now, we’re searching for a blood match for her,” Bailey informs her. 

“ I’m a blood match. I’m a universal donor, so is she,” Amelia tells the older woman. She’s two minutes away from the hospital and her heart is beating out of her chest, scared. She won’t lose another person she cares about in that damn hospital. 

“ Are you sure?” Bailey asks and it makes Amelia want to yell at her for even asking that question. Is she sure she wants to save the woman she’s in love with? What kind of question is that? “ Scout and Milly need you.” 

“ So does Monica. She’s dying. Yes, I am sure that I want to save her life, Bailey,” Amelia growls, parking quickly. “ I’ll be in a minute. I won’t have my children losing their mother today and I sure as hell will not be the one to tell them that their mother isn’t coming home. So you better hope that Owen and Lincoln keep her alive or I will sue this entire hospital.” It’s an empty threat, one she is prepared to not make it so empty should Monica die on that operating table. She feels herself spiraling. “ It's clinic day at 19, right? Do you think that Ben can take Scout and Milly there for a bit until everything is settled?” 

“ Of course,” Bailey says softly. Amelia hangs up the phone and runs into the lobby with Bailey waiting for her there. 

“ Tell me what happened,” Amelia demands, her eyes widening at the sight of blood on the floor. “ Is that Monica’s?” It’s the second time Bailey hears Amelia call Beltran by her first name. Amelia rarely calls Beltran by her first name unless she’s worried, concerned, or scared. Right now, Amelia is all three right now and spiraling out of control. She makes a note to let Lincoln know that Amelia might need to go to an AA meeting if she spirals even worse. 

“ There was a teenager, 16. They had a gun. Beltran connected with the teen. It bought the law enforcement time to arrive without dying,” Bailey pauses, noticing the way Amelia gives her a look when she had said without dying when clearly one of their own is currently on the operating table. She clears her throat and continues, “ the teen—Rose, got spooked by the elevator opening. Beltran put her body in front of the gun as the trigger was pulled to protect Scout and Milly who were behind her.” Bailey explains. She knows the likeness of the bullet hitting any of the children had been slim but she also knows how maternal instinct goes overdrive especially when their babies are close to danger. 

“ Is she fucking stupid!?” Amelia yells, angrily. “ Why the fuck didn’t she tell the kids to hide? Why didn’t she herself go hide as well? Why the fuck would she try to connect with someone who literally had her at gunpoint?” She’s pissed but also worried and scared. 

“ Rose would have shot if we made any attempt to move. Rose would have shot eventually. The teen was angst, desperate, and very injured. Beltran stepped in, went against protocol and attempted to get through the kid. She was ensuring the safety of the kids, making sure that they would not be in crossfire should anything happen,” Bailey says, defending Beltran’s actions. She understands Amelia’s anger and frustration. She herself feels them as well but she knows Beltran enough that the woman would risk her life for her kids and even her patients. “ Rose was erratic. Didn’t trust doctors. Horrible experience with them. But Beltran gained Rose’s trust enough that she was able to move to the kid. A doctor assaulted Rose when the kid was ten.” Bailey leaves out Beltran’s own confession of an assault she experienced. It wasn’t her place to tell Amelia if the woman didn’t know already. 

“ Jesus Christ, no one deserves that,” Amelia comments. Bailey’s pager goes off. 

“ Damnit! Beltran is coding, I need to go,” Bailey says, rushing to the operating room with Amelia hot on her trail. She doesn’t bother to tell Amelia that she can’t be in the operating room. No friends or family in the room. Amelia is both to Monica. 

Chapter Text

Chapter Four: Start Over

“ Take a minute,” Monica interrupts Amelia’s angry rant. Not the smartest decision but she is bone-tired from having to perform back-to-back surgeries and has hit her 80 hours. She just wants to go home. Except she needs to have a conversation with Amelia before she can go home. A very much needed conversation that they’ve never got to finish. But in order to do that they both need to be adults about it. So Monica stops the older woman’s ranting. 

“ What?” Amelia asks, taken back, looking at the younger woman with a confused look. 

“ Right now, you’re angry and you have every right to be. And I also have the right to be able to explain my side which currently you are not allowing me to. So take a minute and let me explain,” Monica replies, raising an eyebrow at her when Amelia opens her mouth to retort. Amelia sighs, nodding her head to continue. 

“ Having sex with Ndugu was a mistake. Regrettably. I was drunk, we both were. We had a successful surgery earlier in the day. He was already at Joe’s when I went,” Monica continues. She sees the slight smug look in Amelia’s blue eyes when she had said that sleeping with Ndugu was a mistake. Internally she laughs at how obvious Amelia is with her feelings. Who knew Amelia Shepherd would be a possessive person? She muses. “ We talked about divorces. My divorce had been finalized. And we bonded over the fact that we were both dealing with our own respective divorces. We became very drunk. I needed a distraction. I just needed to shut off my brain so idiotically I slept with him.” She watches the way Amelia listens. She watches the way her eyes soften in understanding. Amelia knew a thing or two about wanting to just shut off everything. The need and want to drown out the thoughts and to just be numb. “ I didn’t realize that Ndugu would catch feelings so quickly or get attached after a one night stand.” Monica admits. They had worked plenty of times together before but not once has she ever shown interest in him at all. The only time she showed interest was when she was drunk but even then it was only because he was there. She would have slept with whoever was there with her that night. She would have much preferred Amelia as company but she also knew that she put Amelia on the off-limit side while she heals. She wasn’t going to let Amelia just be a rebound, she was too special to her to do that to her. 

“ But why him?” Amelia asks curiously, a hint of hurt. “ Of all the people you could have slept with. You slept with him.” 

“ Honestly he was just there,” Monica says earnestly. “ I’m sorry that I hurt you. I never meant to,” she apologizes, reaching a hand out to Amelia who accepts it. She squeezes it, a silent thank you. “ Let’s start over, hmm? What do you say? Can we do that?” Amelia nods her head. 

“ I’d like that.”

“ I’m Monica Beltran. Chief of Peds. And it’s nice to meet you,” Monica says, causing Amelia to chuckle at how silly this all is but plays along. 

“ Amelia Shepherd. Chief of Neuro. And it’s nice to meet you as well,” Amelia says, shaking the hand that still intertwined with Monica’s. 

“ I’d like to take you out to dinner some day,” Monica says rather boldly. It takes Amelia by surprise. A blush rising in the blue-eyed woman’s cheeks. 

“ I thought we were starting over?” Amelia asks, eyebrow raised in a question. 

“ We are. I’m asking you out. The ball is in your court, Shep,” Monica answers. “ You asked me out and I didn't get the chance to give you a proper answer. So this is me giving you the doctor but also giving you the choice to accept or decline. I won’t be hurt or offended if you decline.” she explains. “ I’d understand especially with everything that happened.” Amelia feels her heart race at the idea of being on a date with Monica. A date that she really wants to go on. She wants to know what Monica is like on a date, what it’s like to be on a date with her. She wants to get to know her better outside of work. 

“ I’d like that,” Amelia says, smiling. 

“ Okay so how about this…you pick a day for us to go to dinner. On a day that we both have off, I’ll send you my calendar. And it can be a test date,” Monica proposes. “ If at some point it becomes weird or awkward or we’re not having fun then we can just think of it as two friends going on a dinner with no other motive other than getting to know each other.” She says. “ We’ll take it slow. There’s no need to rush. I want to do this, us , right. If the date doesn’t go well then it’s okay at least we tried. We’ll still be friends, no need for things to be awkward between us. We’re good, deal?” Amelia nods her head. 

“ Deal. I like that plan,” Amelia says, agreeing to the prostitution. “ We’re still both healing from previous relationships but it doesn’t mean we can’t test the water between us. ” 

“ Exactly,” Monica says, smiling at her. “ I really do like it when you take your time.” She teases, winking at the older woman which ears her a playful eye roll and a scoff from said older woman. 

“ You really do have a thing for taking a minute,” Amelia teases, raising an eyebrow at her. 

“ People work and think better when they take a minute,” Monica answers earnestly, wrapping an arm around the blue-eyed woman as they walk out of the attendees lounge. “ Everyone seems to rush these days as if they’re running out of time. And yes in some cases they are but most of the time, they aren’t. They don’t always see the full picture when they rush. Taking a minute allows a person a different perspective of things.” Monica explains. 

✧✧✧

“ Definitely not the place, I thought we’d have our first date but it’s fitting for us honestly,” Amelia admits as she opens the take out bags that Monica brings into her own office at the hospital. 

“ Same. I would have loved to take you to this small but quaint Italian restaurant. And I will when we both have a day off together but for now, take-out will have to do. Since both of us are on-call tonight,” Monica says. They both take a bite out of their respective tacos. 

“ I don’t mind this honestly,” Amelia says, taking another bite of her taco. “ I mean it’s been a while since someone has brought me food that wasn’t my sisters.” She loves the fact that Monica bought her food. She sometimes tends to forget to eat even though they literally have a cafeteria to snack on but she sometimes either has no time or is tired of the food from the cafeteria. A person can only eat the same food for some time before they get sick of it. It takes her a couple days or even a week before going back to the cafeteria food since the food tends to be repetitive. 

“ I would have cooked you something but I didn’t know your preference or if you had any allergy,” Monica confesses. “ Last thing I want to do is accidentally poison or kill you because you’re allergic to something. So better safe than sorry. Speaking of allergies, are you allergic to anything?”

Amelia chuckles. “ No. Not allergic to anything.” She answers. 

“ Great. Any food preference?” Monica asks as she begins to think of dishes to make for Amelia in the near distant future. 

“ Not really. I’d eat anything. Though how’d you know I like tacos?” Amelia asks curiously. 

“ Took a shot in the dark,” Monica says.

“ Really?” Amelia asks, raising an eyebrow at her. 

Monica laughs. “ No. I saw Lucas bring you taco one time.” 

“ Stalking much?” Amelia teases. She gets a laugh from Monica. It has her heart soaring and butterflies fluttering in her stomach at the fact that she did that. She made Monica laugh. The sound of the younger woman’s laughter is addicting and Amelia wants to hear it again. She’s also excited at the possibility of getting home-cooked meals from Monica. No one has ever cooked for her. Kai had been a terrible cook, the one time they attempted to cook for her, they almost burned down the apartment. She had to ban them from being in the kitchen. 

Chapter Text

“ Hold on,” Lincoln says, rubbing his forehead. “ Beltran met Scout? And you didn’t think to let me know? Also not only that but you moved in with her? So does that mean she’ll be a permanent fixture in Scout’s life when you have him? I mean shouldn’t we have talked about this first?” He’s confused because the mother of his child practically just moved in with a woman who is technically still a stranger to them. Despite the fact that Beltran has been working for Grey-Sloan for almost a year now, she’s still practically a stranger. “ This is our son, we’re talking about. What if Scout gets too attached to her and you guys break up? It’s not just you anymore, Amelia. You have to think about Scout.” Amelia glares at him. How dare he ? As if she would ever put her son in harm, as if she would ever put Scout in a situation that would hurt him emotionally. 

“ Yes, Beltran met Scout. Yes, I moved in with her. It was easier since we both share custody of Milly and we agreed that it would be more logical to just live together. So yes, Scout will be around her whenever I have him,” Amelia says, answering all his questions. She knows how protective Lincoln is of Scout especially when it comes to significant others or people spending time with her which means spending time with Scout when she has him. “ Beltran and I aren’t together so there will be no breaking up. Scout knows Beltran as Mommy’s friend or as he likes to call her, his special doctor friend; his moony.” Amelia found it adorable that Scout has his own name for Monica. She was grateful that Scout took a liking to Beltran. She had been scared the first time Beltran and Scout met that Scout wouldn’t take to the Chief of Peds. But she was proven wrong. Scout fell in love with Beltran the moment she had introduced the Chief of Peds to her son. It helped that Beltran was so good with kids and that she also fell in love with Scout. Amelia was so glad that everything turned out well because as much as she wants something more with Beltran, they had both agreed to take it slow ignoring the fact that they’ve skipped so many steps already. They’ve adopted a child together and are now living together. They’re not even together so taking it slow has sailed a long time ago. 

“ Hold on…you share custody of a child with her?” Lincoln asks, brows furrow. To be fair the only people that she told that she adopted a child with Monica were Meredith, Maggie, Bishop-DeLuca, Bailey, Warren, Teddy, and Owen. They wanted to keep it under wraps, not wanting other people in their business. It kinda slipped Amelia’s mind to tell Lincoln about the development since she had been too busy with her secret research with Meredith, finalizing the adoption papers, and moving in that she didn’t exactly have time to pull Lincoln aside to tell him. “ Since when?” 

“ Yeah about two months ago,” Amelia answers. “ I meant to tell you but with everything that was happening it slipped my mind.” She confessed. 

“ It slipped your mind?!” Lincoln snaps. “ It slipped your mind to tell the father of your son that you’ve adopted a child with someone who is basically still a stranger and have started to live with her. Not only that but also allow our son to be around with.” 

“ That someone is the mother of my child so watch it!” Amelia says defensively, glaring at him. “ And yes, it did slip my mind. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. You deserved to know who our son is around with but I promise you that she is a good person. I know that you’d agree with me on that. You’ve worked with her plenty of times, you’ve seen how she is with children. She’s amazing with them. I trust her with our son.” She tells him which softens his anger. He knows that Amelia doesn’t trust or let anyone in so easily after having her heart broken way too many times. So he knows that Amelia truly likes Beltran and trusts her with their son when she actually admits it. He does agree that Beltran is a good person and that she’s amazing with children. He’s seen her at work with children and seen the way the children gravitate towards her like a moth to a flame. So he cedes to Amelia. 

“ Okay,” He says. “ But I want us to have a sit down together with all three of us to discuss about Scout since she’s going to be part of his life now.” He adds. It’s his only condition. He wants to come up with boundaries and agreements with Beltran when it comes to Scout. 

Amelia nods her head,” Of course. I would expect nothing less from the father of my son.” The tension dissipates, Lincoln can’t help but feel a sense of relief. He trusts Amelia’s judgment and if she believes that Beltran is worthy of being a part of their son’s life, then he would support her decision. They may have their differences but when it comes to Scout, they’re almost always united. 

Chapter Text

Confrontation 

Monica frowns at how avoidant Amelia is with her. Anytime she tries to talk to the older woman, Amelia would just give her an excuse of needing to go to a consult or needing to go to prep for surgery or she’s needed somewhere. Or when she does get the chance to make small talk with the Neuro, the woman would just redirect the conversation into a professional topic. 

“ Shepherd, is everything good between us?” Monica asks, after putting up with five minutes of pure silence in the room. 

“ Yeah,” Amelia replies curtly, her eyes never leaving the tablet in her hands. 

Monica sighs, frustration bubbling up. “ What’s wrong?” She persists, leaning in slightly, trying to make eye contact with the other woman. “ You know I can’t fix whatever it is that’s bothering you if you won’t tell me.” 

That finally elicited a reaction. Amelia’s fingers pauses on the screen as her head snaps up, eyes narrowing. “ Fix what? Hmm?” She demands, her tone icy. 

“ Exactly! I don’t know what to fix since you won’t talk to me,” Monica says, exasperation creeping into her tone. The reply she gets is not one she expected to get. 

Amelia’s eyes flashes with irritation. “ Stay in your lane, Beltran.” She snaps. “ We’re not friends. I don’t need you to fix anything.” 

Monica recoils slightly, taken back by the sharpness of Amelia’s words. “ Did I do something to upset you?” Does she know about her and Ndugu? Is that why she’s upset? Monica thinks but then brushes that thought away because that’s rather egotistic of her to presume that it even has anything to do with her. 

“ Not everything is about you, Beltran,” Amelia shot back, her voice cold as she turns and walks away. Monica stands there, stunned. She watches Amelia’s retreating figure, a hollow ache forming in her chest. 

“ So I did,” she murmurs to no one, the sting of Amelia’s words lingering. 

✧✧✧

Amelia punches Winston on sight the moment he steps into the attending lounge. She has no idea why—she does—she lets her impulse and emotions get the better of her. The sound of bone cracking echoes through the room. She’s definitely broken his nose and she feels no ounce of guilt. For the first time since blowing up her career and getting fired, she’s kinda grateful that she’s currently unemployed at the moment. She won’t have to see Winston’s face anymore, at least for a while or until she gets her job back. The anger she feels towards him boils her blood which makes her irrational and impulsive. She watches Winston come to realize what just happened, clutching his now broken and bloody nose. 

“ What the hell, Amelia!” Winston groans, staring at her, eyes wide with shock. “ What the fuck was that for?” Blood trickles between his fingers as he stumbles towards the freezer and grabs an ice pack. He then rummages through the cabinet for a gauze, his face contorted in pain and confusion. 

“ For being a shitty ass friend,” Amelia spat, her voice low and trembling with anger. “ What kind of friend goes behind another friend’s back and sleeps with the person that their friend is interested in?” She glares at him. Winston’s expression shifts from pain to realization to anger. He hadn’t known that Amelia felt so strongly about Monica that she’d straight up punching him for sleeping with her. But at the same, it wasn’t fair because the two women weren’t together or even in a talking stage so technically he wasn’t breaking any friend code. Besides they’re all adults, they could do what they want. He knows that it’s courtesy to not go after the person that a friend likes but it’s not a rule, it's just decency. It’s not his fault that he and Monica clicked. They bonded over going through their own respective divorces. 

“ You’re not even dating her. She’s free game,” He shot back defensively, wincing as he applies the ice pack on his nose. 

Amelia lunges,ready to punch him again when a pair of arms wraps themselves around her arms from behind. The person pulls her body against theirs. “ Let me go!” She yells, struggling against the hold until she catches a sniff of the familiar scene—ocean breeze and sandalwood. Monica.  

“ Take a minute, Shep,” Monica murmurs softly, her lips brushing against Amelia’s ear. “ Take a deep breath and take a minute before you do something you might regret later.” She doesn’t bother to correct her sentence when she notices that Amelia had already done something. Honestly she feels oddly giddy at the fact that Amelia had punched Ndugu out of jealousy. She ignores that feeling and focuses on calming the older woman. Amelia’s tension eases, her muscles relaxing as she leans into Monica’s embrace. The rage that had been burning so hot begins to cool. Winston watches the interaction with a pang of jealousy. He feels a mix of hurt and longing. It takes him by surprise of how quick he was to catch feelings for the new Chief of Peds. He hadn’t expected. 

Monica completely ignores the man, her sole focus on Amelia. She should have known that Amelia would let her impulsiveness get the better of her when it came to this . She, herself, would have probably done the same or worse. They were kindred spirits in a way. Both broken in their own way yet have managed to continue to survive, to live. They’re a mirror of each other’s intensity and passion. They’re both driven, deeply flawed, and fiercely loyal to those they care about. It reminds Monica of what Webber had said to her when he had hired her—that Monica reminded him of a certain chief of Neuro. “ Let’s take a walk.” Monica suggests, gently guiding out of the room, leaving Winston to his ice pack and gauze. 

✧✧✧

Monica leads them up to the helipads, knowing that it’s not in use and they would have privacy up there. She waits for the older woman to calm down, to take a breather before starting a conversation. She just holds her, running her fingers through her hair to soothe her. 

“ We should talk about it,” She says softly. Amelia sighs, nodding her head. She doesn’t pull away from the hug, refusing to part with Monica and the younger woman allows her. “ Any reason why you decided to punch the shit out of Ndugu?” Despite probably knowing the answer, she wanted to hear it from the other woman’s lips.

“ He had sex with you,” Amelia says honestly. Monica pulls away slightly so she can look at Amelia in the eyes. Her hands cupping Amelia’s face, gently caressing it.

“ Amelia…” 

“ I know. I know. But I just..I couldn’t help it,” Amelia says. “ He knew how I felt about you and still had sex with you.” Monica sighs, her left hand moving to the back of Amelia’s neck as her fingers play with the baby hairs while her right hand remains on her cheek. She brings their forehead together. 

“ I consented to having sex with him too. I might have been drunk  but I allowed it,” she tells her. Anger flickers in Amelia’s blue eyes, but it quickly melts into something more vulnerable, more hurt.
“ I know,” Amelia whispers. “ It's easier getting angry at him than it is at you. I can’t find myself being angry at you because I asked you out and you turned me down.” Monica frowns, her fingers tightening slightly on Amelia’s neck. 

“ No, I didn’t turn you down,” she corrects softly. 

“ You didn’t say yes either,” Amelia argues, a slight edge creeping in her voice. 

“ I never got the chance to properly give you an answer,” Monica counters. “ Because Ndugu interrupted us before I could.” 

“ But you didn’t say yes,” Amelia pressed, her voice quiet but simmering with unspoken emotions. “ And then you went and had sex with Winston.” Monica sighs, hearing the hurt and frustration in the older woman’s words. 

“ You’re right. I didn’t say yes, but I also didn’t say no,” Monica cedes. She keeps their forehead pressed together, her thumb tracing small circles on the nape of Amelia’s neck. “ And you know it wasn’t about you, not really. I was drunk, it was a bad day for me..and it just happened.” Amelia’s jaw tightens for a second, but she doesn’t pull away. 

“ It just hurts,” Amelia admits, her voice small, almost fragile. 

“ I know,” Monica whispers. “ And I’m sorry.” She presses a soft kiss on her forehead.