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Chapter Text

It had been a tense few days aboard the Enterprise. Spock and Kirk had returned from a very tumultuous away mission. What began as a diplomatic meeting quickly went south and became a hostage situation, a hot mess, so to say. The aliens, known as the Staitans of the planet Staito, had kidnapped and interrogated the captain and his first officer. At some point during the interrogation, the Staitans injected the enterprise commanders with a so-called “truth serum,” forcing them to tell the truth. This was all fine and good, as they truly had no information about what the Staitans were looking for, however, even after the issue had been resolved and they were safely aboard the Enterprise once again, the effect of the truth serum hadn’t worn off. Dr. McCoy was working on an antidote every moment he could spare, but all to no avail. Indeed, while in the captivity of the Staitans, Kirk and Spock had had other priorities. But now that they were in the relative safety of the Enterprise once again, they were finding it harder and harder to deny their feelings and desires for each other. It had been making work aboard the bridge extremely difficult, as Kirk kept getting distracted by Spock’s tight shirt and pointed ears. Indeed, when Spock bent over the console to examine a space anomaly the other day, Kirk had to leave the bridge so that he wouldn’t blurt out an absolutely inappropriate remark about his first officer’s derriere.

Captain’s personal log, stardate 1534.8. The truth serum is making its rounds. It has been affecting Spock and I intensely for the last 49 hours. I am finding it more and more difficult to be around my first officer, when every time I see him, I am overcome with the overwhelming desire to express my true intentions. I understand that I am his captain and must keep this a professional setting, and as such I am trying to remove myself from any hazardous situation, I may find myself in. But he is my first officer, and as such, we work together, constantly. Let’s see how this unfolds. End of personal log.

Suddenly, Spock walked into Kirk’s quarters. Taken aback by the unexpected intrusion of his privacy, Kirk didn’t say anything at first, he just looked. He could feel the truth serum coursing through his already heated veins, nudging at the edge of consciousness.

“Captain,” Spock questioned, “Jim,” he quarried again with more urgency when Kirk didn’t respond, “I feel we need to discuss something of a rather personal nature.”

“Oh?” Kirk uttered in a deep voice, trying to emulate Spock’s logical, soothing tone of voice. Kirk’s heart was in his throat. He could feel his pulse in every part of his body. Was Spock onto him? Could he somehow, perhaps even psychically, sense what Kirk was thinking about every time Spock walked in the room? Their whole friendship would be at stake if Spock knew how Kirk really felt, and that was one friendship Kirk was not willing to ever let go of. All these thoughts and fears running through his head almost made Kirk dizzy, and he subconsciously steadied himself against the wall by the bed. “What is it you would like to discuss?” he finally said, after a pause too long to have gone unnoticed by Spock.

“Ever since we have returned form our away mission and our short bout as captives of the Staitans you have been behaving in a most uncharacteristic, illogical manner. I simply would like to inquire as to what may be causing this rift in your behavior from before the away mission, and after.”

“I see. Well, you see, Mr. Spock, um, I’ve simply, well, I’ve found that living with the effects of the truth serum does come as easily to me as it does to you.” Kirk was working furiously to try to keep the blush rushing to his cheeks in check, but he had the suspicion he was failing miserably. The truth serum was becoming impossible to ignore. Blast those darned Staitans! He couldn’t lie to Spock, that was simply the reality of the situation, but he would do his best to skirt around the truth, lest any confessions thereof bring unwanted consequences with it.

“Ah,” Spock nodded sagely, “I think I understand. This is something young and troubled Vulcans also struggle with. I particularly found it difficult to function in society without being able to tell a single lie, as my thoughts were often, and I am ashamed to admit this, but I will to you, illogical. As a young half-Vulcan half-Human especially, there were certain times I found it difficult not to - what do you humans say? - give them a piece of my mind.”

It always made Kirk smile when Spock attempted to use human expressions like that, and now was no exception. Nevertheless, his palms were sweating, and he was experiencing an extremely unpleasant sensation in his stomach. “Well, what did you do about it? I’m finding it exceedingly difficult to…function.”

“We suppressed it, as we do all other emotions and impulses. I would advise you to do the same.” At that last remark, Kirk winced innerly. Could Spock know that the thoughts he needed to ‘suppress’ were about none other than the Vulcan himself? Spock wasn’t as untuned to human emotional responses as people thought. Perhaps this was Spock trying to let him down gently. Oh God, Kirk was overthinking everything like a schoolboy! But is that what Spock was trying to say?

Seeming to sense a feeling of disappointment in his captain but perhaps not fully understanding or acknowledging the cause, Spock quietly added, with blink-and-you-miss-it sort of glimmer in his eye Kirk couldn’t identify: “Perhaps if you could tell me the specific nature of your struggle, I could be of some assistance?”

That made Kirk takes a beat. Was Spock mocking him? Teasing him? The twinkle in his first officer’s eye certainly suggested that something other than logic was at play here, but Kirk didn’t dare let on. “How would you help me?” Kirk whispered, a minuscule tremble running through his body.

“That depends on what it is you need from me,” was Spock’s sultry reply. Kirk couldn’t believe what he was hearing, or if he was hearing it at all. Spock had not suggested anything more than to help him with his struggle; any friend would do this. Nothing in his words suggested anything but a little friendly assistance. But his voice. Was Kirk just projecting his need onto Spock’s deep, seductive voice, or was he purposely doing this? But Kirk couldn’t seem to ignore the unmistakable, suggestive undertones in Spock’s voice. Was the truth serum perhaps still affecting him in ways they weren’t previously aware of?

Suddenly, Spock took a step closer to the captain in a slow and calculated movement. “It would be illogical for a first officer not to do anything within his power to maintain the health of his captain.” He eventuated this point by taking another step towards Kirk. In the close confines of the captain’s quarters, Kirk was still holding himself against the wall by his bed with Spock only a meter or so away from him. He couldn’t take it anymore. What was going on here?? Was Spock coming onto him? Was this a dream? Or worse, was this real but Kirk was misinterpreting everything? His perception skewed by his desire simmering just beneath the surface.

“Spock! What’s going on here?” He finally blurted out after a moment’s pause.

Spock stopped in his tracks and regarded the captain with an almost shameful look on his face. Kirk could see the gears turning in his head, like he had suddenly discovered a mistake he made and needed to reconsider the most logical course of action. “I’m sorry Captain,” he began. He opened his mouth to continue before promptly closing his mouth again, seeming to think better of it.

“Spock,” Kirk began gently. He felt more in his element now than before, wanting to help his first officer, his friend. He found the courage to take a step closer as he continued reassuring him. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. We were both injected, we’re both fighting it. Tell me how I can help you.”

A moment that felt like an eternity passed silently between them before Spock spoke. “Well, you see captain— “

“Jim,” Kirk interjected, surprised by the overwhelming desire to hear his name coming from Spock’s lips, “this is a personal matter, Spock. Call me Jim.”

Spock took another breath and Kirk, for a terrible moment, became afraid that his brashness had made Spock reconsider opening up to him. He was relieved when Spock continued, maybe even more comfortable than before.

“Well, you see, Jim, I have also been struggling with the effects of the truth serum.” He spoke slowly, almost like he was forcing himself to speak. Jim did his best to encourage him with appreciative glances and what he hoped was a reassuring smile. Spock took notice. “While my Vulcan half is used to telling the truth, as we are unable to lie, I am normally able to omit the truth when I so desire. It has helped me appear more understanding than I am in social situations.” Here Spock paused again before continuing with his explanation. “It would seem this truth serum has made my usual tactic of omission…ineffective. I find myself unable to hold back my thoughts. It has made me a liability, I fear. I…came to your quarters with intentions I have not made clear to you.”

Now Spock really stopped talking. He had as much of a pained expression on his face as his Vulcan demeanor would allow.

In a reversal of their previous roles, Kirk now asked Spock what was bothering him. “What are these…intentions?” Kirk could hardly believe his ears. After months of knowing the Vulcan and pining after him in secret, could Spock be feeling the same? No. He wouldn’t allow himself any hope. Besides, what would that even lead to? He was Spock’s superior officer. There were ethical standards he had to uphold. But still, seeing the pained expression on Spock’s face was almost too much to bear. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and sooth him, to share with him the sentiment that it would all be okay. Seemingly despite himself, he took another step towards his first officer. The foot of distance between them felt too close for comfort, yet painfully far at the same time.

“These…intentions…would not be suitable for a Starfleet officer such as myself. That is why I’ve had to suppress them, or rather, as that has proven impossible given their intensity, to omit them. The threat of exposing myself to you over the last two days has become…more concerning than I would like to admit. My…desires are constantly at the surface, at the brink of eruption, and I am failing to hide it. I am sorry.”

While the revelation of Spock’s desire for him was enough to make Jim pass out in any other set of circumstances, he was somehow filled with more pity for the Vulcan than he would have thought, keeping him grounded. Spock looked away, but Kirk wouldn’t be having any of that. He reached out for him, placing his palm on Spock’s cheek with more speed than he intended. He didn’t want Spock to feel as if he had disappointed him in any way. Doesn’t he know that’s impossible? “Spock, it’s okay. It- “

“No,” Spock interrupted him. His tone startled Jim, who quickly pulled his hand away, afraid he had done something to worsen the situation. “No, I did not mean for you to…Jim. I appreciate your concern, truly. But it is not, as you say, okay.” He paused to regain himself before continuing. “As you know, Vulcans feel emotions much stronger than you humans do. That is why we must suppress it. But my human failings were always manageable, till now. Now I cannot suppress my…feelings,” he looked as though he had to physically force the word out, “and I find that it is overwhelming in its focused intensity. Focus on you.”

Jim had no words anymore. He’d listened to Spock with rapt attention, hoping beyond hope that he was indeed leading to this revelation in his confession. Now that he had heard it, along with the security of knowing it was indeed the truth, he had no idea how to respond. What he wanted to do was grab his face and make him feel, kiss him till his lips went numb and he felt every bit of want Kirk contained, tug at the tight shirt that had been teasing him so many months, do things that he was sure a Starfleet captain shouldn’t indulge in while on his ship. But what would come of it?

Seemingly mistaking Kirk’s silence as embarrassment, Spock quickly and quietly mumbled something resembling an apology before hastily turning to leave. The thought of Spock leaving was completely unacceptable in Jim’s mind, however. Jim once again reached out for him, this time with intended urgency, and grabbed Spock’s left bicep as he was turning to leave. The feel of the hard muscle under the fabric in his hand was just another reminder of how much he wanted this man, this Vulcan, this whatever (as if that was important). Spock froze in that position, with his body taught and his eyes fixed on Jim’s.

“Spock, you needn’t feel embarrassed. Or, if you do, know that I myself am feeling somewhat…flustered as well.” Spock looked at him inquisitively. “You see, I’ve also been struggling with the same dilemma. I’m a human, I’m your captain, I’m your friend. I’ve been lying to you this whole time to keep what we have intact, you’re too important to me. That’s what has made this truth serum so difficult for me as well. You see Spock, I want you too.”

“You do?” Spock’s habitual raise of his eyebrow was made impossibly endearing by the way the faintest green blush rose to his cheeks. Jim didn’t know Vulcans could blush. But then again, Spock wasn’t your typical Vulcan. “What do you…propose as a solution?”

Jim suddenly realized he was still holding onto Spock’s arm. He glanced down at it now, Spock’s eyes following the movement of Jim’s. “You know, truth is I hadn’t thought much about it. Ok, ok, that’s a lie. I’ve thought a lot about it.” Jim started to slowly move his hand up Spock’s arm. He was suddenly overcome with an intense curiosity about Vulcan control. He knew they could control their emotional responses to near perfection, but what about bodily responses? If Jim ran his hand along Spock’s chest, teasingly light and slow over the soft fabric of his uniform, would he shiver the way Jim knows he would? Spock’s face and body remained resolute, a little too resolute, while Jim tried to answer these questions. What would Spock do if he moved his hand lower, to his ribs, to his-

“Jim,” Spock finally interrupted his thoughts. He hadn’t even realized his hand really was indeed moving downwards. Good God Jim, control yourself!
“Jim,” he said again, this time with more vehemence, “if you do not stop, neither will I, and I need to make sure this is what you want. You need to understand that when Vulcans allow themselves to lose control in this way, we can become extreme in our tastes and tendencies. Are you sure you want to continue?”

Jim’s hand had been steadily rubbing against Spock’s chest while he spoke. They were close now, painfully close, and Jim’s other hand was sliding up Spock’s right arm much like his left had been just a few moments ago. It was the strangest feeling: Jim felt like his heart was going a million miles an hour, he could hear the pounding all around him. In fact, he was sure Spock’s Vulcan ears had already picked up on it. In total contrast to this need, this urgency, it felt like time was being stretched out. Every word took an eon to leave Spock’s lips and was punctuated by pauses and breaths that felt like eternities. His body was moving of its own accord as he inched closer to Spock’s body. He was completely overwhelmed, and nothing had even happened yet, he hadn’t even been touched yet, and he needed that situation to be rectified. He slid his right hand from his chest to Spock’s neck where it now rested at the bottom of his hair. “Yes,” he said, and he put every ounce of honesty and intent in those words, he wouldn’t have been able to lie with or without the truth serum when he saw the look in Spock’s eyes, “I want to continue.”

Chapter Text

It was like a switch was flipped. It seemed all Spock needed was permission to continue and reassurance that his advances would be well received. Before Jim had even fully gotten the word out, he was aggressively shoved against the wall adjacent to his bed. Spock’s mouth found its way to the crook of Jim’s neck, where the collar of his uniform stopped. He licked at his skin, pressing hard with his tongue and biting him occasionally. It was so unexpected Jim couldn’t react in any way but to grab his head by the hair and hold on tight. Taking this as encouragement to continue, Spock slowly moved upward, continuing his assault on the spot connected to his earlobe. “Spock,” Jim managed to breathe out after about a minute of this, “I get the distinct feeling you’re trying to hold back.”

At this Spock stopped and slowly moved his head to the same level as Jim’s. He looked him in the eyes with a strained expression. It reminded Jim of Spock’s face during his Pon Farr battle on Vulcan all those months ago. It brought heat to his belly and below and an intake of breath he couldn’t ignore. Apparently neither could Spock, as his eyes flashed to Kirk’s lips then back up again. “Vulcans do not kiss with their mouths naturally, but I must admit, I have been eager to explore the sensation with a willing partner at some point. Perhaps now is the appropriate time to do so.”

He didn’t wait to ask for permission this time, he just went for it. Jim suddenly felt Spock’s large hands grabbing his hair, tugging on it just the right amount to guide Jim’s face into the right position for Spock. The feeling of having his head pulled around for Spock’s pleasure was decidedly pleasant. His breathing was already heavy at this point and now he let out what could only be described as a satisfied groan when Spock’s mouth opened, and his tongue shot out. He used the moment to really explore Jim’s mouth, and it was an immense success. This was technically, according to Spock, his first human kiss, and as such was a little unhinged in its technique. But what he lacked in skill he made up for with enthusiasm. He licked and tugged and pulled on Jim’s lips with his teeth. He would definitely need to get this looked at afterwards, but even when Spock bit him and it stung, he just grabbed Spock’s hair tighter and rolled with the pain. Spock pulled away unexpectedly and Jim - embarrassingly - whimpered at the loss. If his face was red before, it would be crimson now, and Jim would swear that Spock looked pleased by his reaction.

“Jim, I want you in more ways than I can count. I am currently exercising more restraint than I believed possible by not simply hurling you onto your bed and pleasuring you to no end.” And Jim believed him. Apparently, an aroused Vulcan looks a lot like what you might imagine a furious Vulcan to look like. Spock’s forehead was scrunched, and his breathing was heavy. God, he looked so good like this. The idea of Spock throwing Jim around like an object was humiliatingly stimulating to him, and he held back a plea for him to do just that. Jim’s face went slack at the thought of what Spock was proposing, and he made the mistake of looking down. There, between their bodies, Spock’s pants were obviously bulging. Jim had glanced at his first officer’s crotch more times than he should, and this was a clear deviation of its usual appearance. “I can see you’ve taken notice of my erection, Jim. Yours is also quite prominent.” His eyes, unlike Jim’s shy glance, unabashedly stared at the clear bulge in the captain’s pants. Being the object of Spock’s intense stare should have been daunting, but truth be told, being the object of Spock’s stare at all was simply too much of a turn on for any emotion but lust to shine through.

“For the love of God Spock! Have your way with me already!”

Finally, Spock let loose. His hands found the waist band of his pants and pulled him away from the wall almost violently. Spock turned them around and shoved him onto the bed, Jim’s body bouncing from the force. Without any sort of forewarning, Spock approached the bed, his eyes focused and painfully intense, and placed his hand on Jim’s calf. While he held him body over Jim’s with his left hand, his right moved up Jim’s calf, the inside of his thigh, before forcefully cupping his cock through his pants. Jim let out a quiet scream when Spock continued to squeeze him.

“Fascinating,” while Spock continued his ministrations between Jim’s legs, he brought his mouth to Jim’s ear and started nibbling on the helix. Jim was literally squirming beneath him, and he reached out and grabbed his shirt, twisting it desperately in his hand. “Take it off,” he breathed out, “take it off, please Spock, I want to feel you.”

Spock pulled away from his ear instantly and kneeled on the bed. And oh, wasn’t that a sight - Spock kneeling. A plethora of images flashed through Jim’s mind as he watched a kneeling Spock deftly peel his uniform shirt off and reveal the tight black short-sleeved shirt that showed off his narrow waist. Combined with the black pants and belt, it was almost too much to handle. Jim wanted to touch so much of his body he didn’t know where to start. As Spock began undoing his belt Jim pulled himself upright and placed his hand alongside Spock’s on his belt. He began pulling it out of the loops with a feverish speed, needing more than anything now to get his hands - or mouth? - on what lie beneath these pants.

“Jim,” Spock let out in surprise, but he made no move to stop him. Rather, while Kirk pulled his belt out and began unzipping his pants, Spock’s hand reached out and found its place in Jim’s hair.

“God, I love when you do that,” Jim let out almost involuntarily, because he really did. He’d never done this with a man before, and he had understood from women that having their head grabbed unexpectedly during a blowjob was extremely unpleasant for many, but Jim desperately wanted to feel Spock’s hands in his hair, guiding his head and hungry mouth over his cock. “Spock, I want to use my mouth on you. Is that okay?” It’s not like he was expecting Spock to say no, but he still wanted Spock to want it. Jim had had more than his fair share of sexual encounters, but never one so dynamic and overpowering.

“Jim, it is more than okay. I simply did not want to pressure you to do anything you may be uncomfortable with. Your pleasure is my top priority, in all matters.” It really was a pleasure to watch Spock struggle to maintain his cool. While his speaking was still measured, there was an unmistakable quake in his words that gave away just how much of his composure was slipping.

“Then get on the bed. Nothing would bring me more pleasure right now than to make you come with my mouth.” For a second, Spock’s Vulcan facade slipped, and an expression of pure longing appeared on his face before promptly disappearing again. With Jim’s hands still firmly grabbing the waist of Spock’s pants, he tugged and guided Spock onto the bed and underneath him in the reversal of their positions a moment ago.

Jim had to admit, he was nervous. He wanted desperately to bring Spock pleasure, but he wasn’t sure he knew how. However, at the very least, he supposed Spock wouldn’t have any sort of reference point, so that was something.

Seeming to sense Jim’s nervous air, Spock grabbed his hand which had begun tugging on the waist band of the Starfleet-issued boxer briefs. “Jim,” he mumbled and adjusted himself, so he was holding himself up on the bed with his elbows, “you needn’t feel any fear. I guarantee you, irrespective of your technical skill, I will undoubtably enjoy anything you wish to do to me.”

Jim’s heart melted at that. Spock may seem cold sometimes, but he had managed to say just the right thing this time. Jim took a reassuring breath and continued his exploration of Spock’s underwear. Finally, after what felt like forever, he pulled down Spock’s underwear to reveal his achingly hard cock. Jim didn’t know what he was expecting, but nothing could have prepared him for the moment he finally saw Spock naked.

It was thick, but not scarily so. In fact, Jim was surprised to see Vulcan genitalia looked rather human. The thought that Spock’s human half might have had some effect on the shape of his dick crossed Jim’s mind. It was only slightly above average, and perhaps Jim was biased, but he thought it was the perfect size. His green veins were slightly visible running along the length of his cock, contrasting beautifully with his pale skin.

He wanted to do things to him. In a moment of confidence that surprised even himself, Jim reached out and grabbed the base of Spock’s cock. Spock furrowed his eyebrows, his face scrunched with anticipation. When Jim’s hand squeezed him and started moving up and down, teasingly slowly, a wave of pleasure overtook him and Spock arched his back, his head thrown harshly against the bed. “Squeeze me tighter Jim. Give me more.” His voice was strained as he pleaded, and it made Jim’s head spin. Jim had been holding back, overcome with the irrational fear he’d heard many women complain about, of not wanting to hurt their partner by squeezing too hard. Spock’s whines gave him the distinct impression that he could handle anything Jim would give him.

He continued the movement of his hand, now following Spock’s demand of a tighter grip and relishing in the feeling of Spock slowly losing control at Jim’s hand. Spock was getting increasingly restless on the bed and Jim was losing his mind when suddenly – and wasn’t this just the cruelest twist of fate – the boatswain’s whistle sounded on the comm. The two of them froze. Perhaps if the two of them weren’t hard and gasping for breath, they could have appreciated the comedy of their current situation.

Lieutenant Uhura’s familiar voice sounded through the intercom, “All senior officers to the bridge,” before the short click promptly signaled the end of the transmission.

“Well,” Kirk started, not really knowing what to do now. This was an unprecedented interruption.

“Well,” Spock continued slowly, not moving a muscle, still laying on the bed with his naked dick in Kirk’s hand, “I suppose we must report to the bridge…captain.”

“Yes, it seems we must.”

Still, neither of them would dare make the first move towards ending this encounter. As dramatic as it sounded, Jim felt the loss physically as a chasm in his gut. The notion to be embarrassed was completely overshadowed by the disappointment at the interruption.

Finally – reluctantly – Spock seemed to remember himself. He reached for Jim’s, slowly lifting it off his hardness. With Jim’s hand placed timidly on the bed again, Spock proceeded to redress himself, all the while looking Jim in the eye with his usual stoicism.

They stood up in silence, unsure what to make of the newfound knowledge of their shared affection hanging in the air like a heavy fog they’ve encountered together on many a planet. Without exchanging a word, they slinked to the door of the captain’s quarters. Just as the door slid open and Kirk was about to hurriedly rush out the door, Spock grabbed his lower arm and held him back. The door shut, the soothing swoosh snapping something between them.

“Jim,” the captain waited expectantly for whatever Spock would add, “I would like to do this again. Preferably, sooner rather than later. It would seem, that while this experience was certainly extremely pleasant in nature, it has left me…unsatisfied. It would be illogical not to rectify the information.”

Jim almost smiled. He was trying desperately not to give away just how much of a relief Spock’s desire to do this again was to him. He suspected Spock could detect his elation in the way Jim’s eyes crinkled in spite of themselves.
“I am inclined to agree Mr. Spock. Shall we go to the bridge? Our duty calls.”

“After you, captain.” In his usual, gentlemanly fashion, Spock gestured for Kirk to leave the room first, which he did, the tension of the last few minutes melting away with the promise every step he took toward the bridge.

Chapter Text

It had been nearly another full day since Spock and Jim’s encounter in the latter’s quarters. The situation to which the senior officers had been called had turned out to be nothing more than a misunderstanding with a rogue group of Ferrengi arms-dealers. Though a major conflict had been avoided, the Ferrengis’ tricky and purposely misleading business proposition had proven to take up the better part of the day. Afterwards, all senior officers were ordered to take a much needed and deserved repose before their next shifts began.

Both Kirk and Spock had been too exhausted to even suggest doing anything else. Kirk now found himself at the rear end of a rare 10-hour sleep cycle. With another few hours to spend how he wished before his presence on the bridge was needed again, he found his thoughts drifting to a certain Vulcan.

As usual, his duties on the bridge and the urgency of the situation drew his full attention. He was, above all, the captain of his ship, and was a complete professional when it was called for. But now that the danger had passed and he was alone with his thoughts, he had no control over what went on in his mind.

Kirk supposed Spock would still be sleeping. His first officer was even more bridge-bound than himself and rarely got the chance – nay, the order – to relax. He guessed Spock would be laying on his bed, straight and flat against the bed. He probably slept the same way he stood, ramrod straight and radiating and aura of awareness.

Against his own behest, in his mind, Jim appeared next to the Vulcan on his bed. In the way only dream logic could allow all but Spock’s and Jim’s clothing had vanished but for their underwear. Jim’s heart was beating so hard he swore Spock would be able to feel it beating all the way through. The friction created by their bodies rubbing against each other would be maddening, he was sure. When it became too much, he’d beg Spock to touch him. He’d beg. The thought came as something of a surprise, but somehow, the thought of begging for Spock to pleasure him was incredibly stimulating. So stimulating, in fact, that Jim couldn’t resist the urge to touch himself. In a frenzy of motion, Jim unceremoniously unzipped his pants and grabbed his own dick in his briefs. It would feel so good. He imagined Spock bringing him to the brink of orgasm, much like he was at that moment. He wished it was Spock teasing him, driving him crazy. In a way, he supposed it was, although Spock didn’t know what he had driven Jim to yet. He continued to move his hand up and down in a steady motion, loosening and tightening his grip where he needed. He threw his head back into the pillow as he thrust further into his hand. Finally, when the images of Spock and the movement of his hand became too much, he came with his neck twisted so his mouth was captured by the pillow and his cry muffled by the downing. He slowed the movement of his hand, riding out the after-waves until he slumped back into his bed, a state of blissful serenity taking over.

While he lay on his bed, basking in the aftermath of his orgasm, he finally had the clarity of mind to contemplate the revelations of the last few days. Jim had been attracted to his first officer for a while now. Perhaps months, perhaps over a year, he couldn’t really say. But he never acted on it for two reasons. First of all, he was his captain. Unwanted advances from a superior officer were simply unacceptable in the workplace. Kirk had respected this regulation for all his time as captain, even when it proved most challenging. He knew Spock, ever logical and straightforward, would have simply shut down any propositions and reminded him of their stations, effectively returning them to their previous, friendly, professional relationship.

And second of all, he thought Spock felt nothing for him anyway. For months Jim had been struggling to keep his feelings hidden. During their off hours on in the rec-room while playing chess, Jim had longed to reach his hand out to caress Spock’s while he pondered his next move. Jim could name a hundred instances where he was overcome with the burning desire to touch or hold him. But in all their time together, Spock had never indicated so much as the slightest reciprocation. Of course he took into account his Vulcan demeanor, but even with all that suppression and control being exercised all the live-long day, he thought he’d be able to detect something. But no. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Spock was the embodiment of professionalism and stoicism, and Jim wasn’t going to risk losing his most precious friendship over some adolescent fantasies of something more.

But now? Now things had changed. Spock had admitted he felt an attraction for Jim. What he said about omitting the truth came as such a revelation to Jim he could have burst with joy. And he probably would have too, if the tension between them hadn’t been so thick it was practically visible as an oppressive, sexed up fog.

The truth serum had only exacerbated what might have come about naturally. Although, truth be told, Jim doubts he would have ever acted on his feelings without it. Who would have guessed he’d have the Staitans to thank for the truth coming out?
But that did beg the question: What did Spock feel about all this? He knew he felt some level of attraction for him, but what about this situation? Any expression of emotion was strictly forbidden for Vulcans, not to mention any sort of sexual appetites outside of Pon Farr. He must be feeling great shame right now. The thought gave Jim pause. While he was here masturbating to the albeit extremely erotic idea of Spock fucking his brains out, he was probably in his quarters regretting the whole exchange.

That does it. Jim decided he would go comfort him. He estimated about half an hour had gone by during his reveries, so he got up, made himself presentable, and went to his quarters. Contradictory to the determination he felt in his room, Jim found himself questioning his choices in front of Spock’s door. But only for a second. Nothing was going to stop him from getting to Spock.

Jim pressed the doorbell and sounded the familiar whistle that alerts everyone to a guest outside their quarters. Instantly, the doors slid open to reveal Spock already standing, awaiting him.

“Spock,” he uttered, at a loss for anything else to say. At the sight of Spock, Jim could feel his heart rate increasing exponentially. Bones would’ve had words with him if he saw him in this state.

Spock stood motionless, more rigid than usual. His arms were behind his back, which was ramrod straight, while he gazed directly ahead.

“May I come in?”

An almost imperceptible nod was Spock’s only reply before sidestepping so Jim could get past. As the door slid shut behind them, they both felt the immediate shift in the atmosphere. It was tense, quiet, anxious – overall, very unpleasant.

“Have you slept?” Jim really didn’t know how else to start this conversation. He could feel how closed off Spock was. Perhaps he shouldn’t have waited so long before coming here.

“A little. I also meditated.”

“Spock, I think we need to talk.”

“That would be logical, captain.” That stung. He wanted to hear Spock call him by his name again, like he had before.

“Spock,” Jim didn’t really know how to do this, he was going purely on his gut, “before, in my quarters, we were about to—”

“Yes, you need not go on any further. I am ashamed that I let myself succumb to my human weakness of the flesh. It was not a decision based on logic, nor was it one I would have made had I not been under the influence of the truth serum. I am deeply sorry for my behavior and any consequences tha—”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake Spock! For once, will you make a decision not grounded logic, but in what you feel! I know the very notion brings you shame, but is that not an emotion in itself as well? Talk about irony! Where’s the logic in denying what we both feel when it could make us happy?”

He was losing his temper. That was a mistake. Jim knew he needed to remain calm to convince Spock to be honest with him. To appeal, yes, to his logical side, but also to his emotions, because he knew he had them, he just didn’t want to admit it.

“Jim!”

Despite the tiniest hint of frustration tinting his Vulcan’s voice, Jim was pleased to hear his name used instead of his Starfleet title. Was this progress?

“We cannot make a decision based on feelings Jim. You are my captain. I am your first officer. Let us imagine we ignore the obvious ethical gray area of an interpersonal relationship between two senior officers – something I admit I would even be amenable to, if it were with you. There is another, more important factor to consider. Our closeness has already impaired my decision making on several occasions. I doubt you will remember any examples – I am rather capable of keeping my emotions under control – but I assure you, it has happened several times. I would not have you put in danger because of feelings. I care for you too great a deal.”

"Spock…” Jim was starting to lose hope. What if Spock was right, and they really should not explore this relationship any further? What if they were better off as friends? But how would Jim be able to function knowing Spock wants him but refuses to act on it? How would Jim be able to even look at his first officer, without feeling the poignant sting of a missed chance? He wouldn’t. He’d come too far and learned too much to give up now. Besides, the two of them were so close already, what would changing a few details of their relationship really change? What would it— That’s it!

“Spock,” Jim said with renewed hope. Spock must’ve picked up on the change in mood, as he looked up from the ground where he had been staring rather solemnly with curiosity. “What would us being together really change?”

“I fail to understand your meaning. Would it not change the entire nature of our relationship?”

“Well, you see Spock, you said yourself that your feelings for me have already impaired your decision making in certain situations, did you not?”

“Indeed, I did say that. I fail to see how this would come to you as good news?”

“Well, that’s just it, Spock. You say you don’t want to try because you’re afraid it will affect our working relationship and put me in danger, correct?”

“Correct.”

“But you see, it wouldn’t change anything!” Spock stared at him unmoving. Was he starting to understand what Jim meant? “We’ve been working together for years. You gave your life to save mine during our encounter with Khan and then I flew across the galaxy to save you when you died. Neither of those decisions were necessarily the most logical or safest thing to do. We get into danger all the damn time! That’s part of the job damnit! But even before either of us knew how the other felt, we were ready to do unspeakable things for one another. Is that not love? You were ready to die for me before you knew I loved you, what exactly is the escalation of that? There is none. Do you see what I mean Spock?”

Jim was getting desperate. He needed Spock to understand. He needed him to want to try things with Jim. As Jim spoke, he was also convincing himself more and more. He did love Spock. He’d almost died trying to save him countless times, what would being together change?

Spock was standing still in front of him. Were his shoulders more relaxed than before, or was that wishful thinking on Jim’s part?

“It would seem…you have a point.” He finally looked Jim in the eye. His face took on the same curious, scrunched quality he had when he was studying a spacial anomaly and on the brink of figuring out what it was. “My actions, when you are involved, have been tinted by emotion for a long time. As much as I have tried to deny it, I do not think there is anything I would not do for you. Logically speaking, there is nothing more than ‘anything’. But I am still trepidatious.”

“Why?”

“I am Vulcan. Even with only half, I do not think I would be able to supply you with the so-called ‘emotional stability’ you humans value in relationships. By beginning a relationship with me, you would be sacrificing what a human could give you. I do not wish—”

“Don’t you dare, Spock!” Jim’s interruption surprised Spock yet pleased him at the same time. Illogical, yet intriguing. “Don’t you dare stand there and tell me I wouldn’t be getting the full worth of any human relationship with you! You may not show your emotions, but you damn well have them, and that’s good enough for me. You act like there aren’t emotionally unavailable humans a dime a dozen!” Jim stepped closer to him now. Spock remained where he was standing in the middle of the dining area of his quarters. The dining table was about a meter behind him and Jim the same distance in front. He endeavored to get closer. “I want you Spock. Period. You want me. Period. We will make this work. We don’t even have to tell anybody. This is just us, and I promise you, it will not affect our lives any more than it already has. So, what do you say?”

The silence that followed was deafening. Spock continued to stand where he was and ponder what Jim was proposing. As Jim took step for step towards him, he thought he could see his face softening. It was minimal, as all of Spock’s expression of emotion tended to be, but it was there. He continued to inch closer, not wanting to move to fast and force a reaction out of him, but yearning for the closeness they shared in Jim’s quarters the day before. “What do you say?” he repeated, only a whisper.

“I say,” Spock’s voice was quiet and gravelly, carrying a feeling of importance with them, “your logic is sound, Jim. Furthermore…I want to.”

The relief that overtook him was almost too much to bear. He was within a foot’s distance of Spock at this point, and quickly closed the distance in one quick step. His hands grabbed Spock’s face seemingly of their own accord, cupping his cheeks as their lips crashed together.

Spock flung his arms forth in alarm but soon replaced them on Jim’s back. Spock’s posture was a bit awkward during the kiss, but that was to be expected, as this was technically only the Vulcan’s second human kiss. His hands held on to the flesh of Jim’s sides, slowly moving up to his shoulder blades for a better grip. He seemed to like that position, as once he had wrapped his arms around Jim and was rubbing the skin on the back of his neck, he seemed to put a little more effort into the kiss as well.

Jim was aware they were moving a little fast and, fearing his intentions became misconstrued, pulled back from the kiss.

“Why have you stopped? Have I done something to displease you?”

“No, no Spock,” Jim chuckled. “I just didn’t want to move too fast for you. We left things a little rocky before.”

“I see…”

“And?””

“Well, I did not think our previous encounter was ‘too fast’. Perhaps unorthodox in its prematurity, yet I found – and still do find – the suppression of certain desires difficult.”

If a Vulcan could blush, he would have at that admission. As it were, Spock stood with brow furrowed and his back artificially straight.

“Why Spock, you need only to ask.” Jim moved forward again, now tangling his fingers in Spock’s dark hair. He wasn’t sure how he’d respond to this, but the way Spock tightened his grip on Jim’s shoulders was promising. Jim trailed his hand through Spock’s hair, weaving his way to the tip of Spock’s ear. He experimentally toyed with the tip between his index finger and thumb, which elicited an even firmer grip on Jim’s back.

“Jim, if you continue these ministrations, I must insist we find a more suitable location. My bed would suffice.”

“Well, these are your quarters. You’re in charge.”

Chapter Text

Just like before, when given permission, Spock took control of the situation. His hands went from his back to Jim’s arms, leading him to the bed a few meters away form him. He shoved Jim onto the bed and stood by his dangling legs. Jim supposed he could have been embarrassed by how easily Spock got him in the mood, but he didn’t care. The emotional turmoil of the last few days was finally over, and Spock was standing there so menacingly, so domineering, and he needed an outlet.

“Spock,” he breathed, “you look stunning.”

Spock didn’t take compliments well. Jim would endeavor to accustom him to it though, as Jim wanted to shower him in them. He could think of a million things to say to him right now. Maybe the way his tight starfleet uniform showed off his chest and arms beautifully. Or how he was sure he’d look better without it. “Undress, Spock. Now.”

Jim didn’t even realize he’d said anything, but Spock was obeying wordlessly. He pulled his blue shirt off to reveal the tight, black T-shirt tucked into his pants. With his arms now bare, Spock jolted forward, landing on top of Jim and supporting himself up with his arms.

He continued his earlier action, nuzzling his mouth in the crook of Jim’s neck. It would appear that Jim was particularly sensitive at that area, a fact Spock quickly discovered and used to his advantage. He continued kissing and occasionally nibbling at his neck, slowly moving downward when he ultimately came into contact with the collar of Jim’s shirt. Spock was pleased to discover that, when he pulled Jim’s shirt over his head, he saw Jim was not wearing the regulation black undershirt. This was extremely typical of Jim, who was already so prone to ripping his shirt on away missions, he had probably grown tired of replacing all his layers repeatedly.
With Jim now laying shirtless beneath him, Spock continued his journey downwards. His lips trailed over the rise of Jim’s pectorals until he reached his left nipple. He raised his head ever so slightly so that his lips were hovering over it.

“I understand that humans’ nipples are particularly sensitive.”

Jim was positively trembling beneath him, wiggling around to get any inch of himself closer to Spock’s body. His previous girlfriends had never shown interest in any actions regarding his nipples. Spock was approaching human pleasure with a fresh, almost scientific, perspective, however, and Jim was relishing in it.

His mouth came back down, capturing Jim’s nipple between his teeth. He wasn’t expecting him to bite and yelped at the pleasant surprise. “Oh, Spock...” he moaned, “that’s good.”

“Fascinating,” he continued, eventually moving to the other side. It felt like a subtle burning sensation, simultaneously stinging and slightly painful and warm and enjoyable. When Jim was literally squirming beneath him, his breathing heavy and erratic, Spock evidently decided it was time to move further.

Without warning, Spock stopped what he was doing and placed his hand on the obvious bulge in Jim’s pants.

“It is logical to inform you that I have never engaged in, I believe humans call it ‘giving head’. If my performance is not satisfactory in any regard, I expect you to tell me so I may improve my technique.”

Jim sincerely doubted that would be an issue. Spock was good at almost anything he set his mind to, and he seemed extremely motivated to learn.

“Don’t worry Spock, I think you’ll notice when I’m enjoying myself and when not.”

That was enough of a green light for Spock it seemed, who efficiently undid the buttons of Jim’s pants and pulled off. His underwear followed, and within seconds Jim was completely naked. He had never been particularly self-conscious, but Spock’s intense gaze was hard to bear. Spock must’ve noticed how Jim tensed up slightly, for his gaze softened and his hands started to soothingly roam his thighs.

“Do not concern yourself with your physical appearance, Jim. I can assure you, you are remarkably attractive.”

Jim was able to relax again and refocused on the feeling of Spock’s hands. They were experimentally grazing the skin of his upper thigh, skating around the spot where Jim wanted him most. Slowly, painfully slowly, Spock’s hands made there way towards the base of Jim’s dick. Jim reacted as if he’d been electrocuted. He’d been waiting for this for days. His earlier self-induced release felt decades in the past. He needed Spock now.

Spock finally brought his mouth closer to Jim. Almost reverently, Spock stroked his hand along Jim’s length, slowly circling his thumb around his tip once he reached the top. Precum was pearling at the tip and gaining in quantity with each swirl of Spock’s thumb before finally pouring over, streaming over Spock’s fingers lewdly.

Feeling he had sufficiently tormented his loving captain, Spock finally lowered his head to Jim’s cock. Experimentally, he darted his tongue out to lick at the misty white fluid he found there. Jim thought he could hear him mumble something along he lines of “Fascinating,” but was rather preoccupied with the other things Spock’s mouth was doing to focus on any words.

What they were doing was so lewd. So obviously filthy. It was such a thrill to watch Spock change so dramatically form the character Jim knew so well on the bridge. Still, ever the first officer, Jim could feel Spock’s devotion to Jim’s pleasure in every minuscule move of his tongue. As this thought crossed his mind, Spock finally took Jim into his mouth, skillfully avoiding the use of his teeth and closing his lips around the half-point of Jim’s shaft.

It was such an incredible feeling. It was like a well of warmth and pleasure pooling deep inside Jim. He wanted to scream, and he got the feeling Spock wanted him to as well, or at least that’s what Jim inferred from how he seemed to renew his efforts every time Jim couldn’t hold back one of the embarrassing whimpers that forced themselves out of his throat.

Spock continued to bob up and down on Jim’s dick, eliciting more and more sounds. It’s a good thing the senior officers’ quarters were soundproof, or there would certainly be some complaints from their neighbors, not to mention this little clandestine relationship of theirs would surely become ship gossip.

Jim was getting closer to finishing. He could feel the tension in his body reaching a boiling point. He knew if Spock continued with the maddening movements of his mouth Jim would come undone any second now.

“Spock,” he choked out, barely able to make the word coherent, “I-I’m gonna—”

With one final twist of his tongue, Spock brought Jim to an all-consuming climax. He convulsed, completely losing control of his body. His head once again pressed into the pillow behind him, this time pressing into the mattress with the sheer force of his backward thrust. He felt the beads of sweat dripping down the nape of his neck, a testament of their love. He screamed into the quiet cabin, clutching Spock’s silky hair between his trembling fingers.

Spock slowed his movements, allowing Jim to ride out the after-waves of his orgasm. Finally, after a few moments of silence, he removed his mouth from Jim’s cock and crawled on top of his partner yet again.

“Was that satisfactory?”

With a raspy, exhausted voice, Jim quietly replied only with incoherent mumbles of approval.

“Good. Now, if you are not too tired, I would like to proceed with a little self-gratification. If you are not opposed, Jim.”

Jim, still clearly blissed out and only able to force the simplest of words out of his mouth, vehemently agreed to whatever Spock was suggesting.

“Jim, I require a clear yes or no. I would like to continue with a more invasive form of intimacy, for which I require clear consent.”

Jim’s mind snapped to attention. Was Spock suggesting what Jim thought he was suggesting? He certainly hoped he was. Jim’s looked up in surprise.

“Are you suggesting you…fuck me?”

“Indeed.”

“You should know, Spock, the human refractory period may be a little less than the Vulcan. I don’t think I’ll be able to…to come again so soon.”

“I see, I was unaware of this complication. If you do not wish to continue with any more gratification, I completely unders—”

“Oh Spock, don’t be silly.” Jim was blushing furiously, still recovering from his orgasm just moments ago. But suddenly, watching Spock sit there with his almost shy understanding of Jim’s human weakness, Jim wanted nothing more than to return the favor. “I want to please you too, Spock.”

“I see.” Spock seemed to ruminate for a moment. As per his usual, his face gave away nothing of what he may have been feeling. Jim did, however, notice that his breathing seemed to have become slightly quicker than before, once again holding back. How different he was just a moment ago, eagerly wringing the tortured sounds out of his wanton captain. Could Jim do the same for him? He certainly hoped so.

Jim reached his hand out to Spock’s hand on his thigh, who seemed pleased by the Vulcan display of affection. Jim’s watched as Spock’s eyes shot towards the display, then as they widened when Jim started to stroke the length of each of his fingers. Spock’s resounding sigh sounded deeply satisfied. Jim moved his arms up Spock’s arms to his shoulders, then turned him so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed.

Without further delay, Jim slid off the bed onto his knees in front of him. He creeped his hands up from Spock’s ankle’s to Spock’s hips. He was slightly worried Spock would catch on to his obvious copying of Spock’s earlier actions, but Spock seemed too entranced by the actual situation to worry about something like that.

Much like before, only with their positions reversed, Jim unbuttoned Spock’s pants to once again free him. As before in the captain’s quarters, Spock’s cock sprung out with full force, eagerly awaiting whatever Jim would do to him.

Slightly less nervous than before, Jim reached out and started massaging the shaft with his right hand.

“You know Spock,” he breathed before he was able to stop himself, “I’ve been thinking about this a lot for the last few months.”

Spock was silent. The only acknowledgement Jim got was Spock’s ever heavier breathing and the slightly strained and bewildered expression on his face. Jim hoped he made a pretty picture right now. Looking up at Spock through his thick lashes, speaking in a tone he hoped came off as seductive and not congested, he continued to whisper little confessions in Spock’s direction.

“I’ve always thought you were the most attractive member aboard this crew, and that was before I ever saw more than those damn arms of yours. I want you to feel the full force of my desire.” With every new confession, he tightened his grip and pumped faster, remembering Spock’s demand of “tighter” from more than a day ago.

Jim noticed Spock clutching the bedsheets between his fingers and took it as a success. He originally wanted to take Spock into his mouth, but seeing how well he was doing with his trusted hands, he thought better of it for today. What he did instead was take Spock’s clutched hand with his left, continuing the earlier Vulcan ‘make-out session’.

Spock appeared to be relishing in this act particularly, enjoying the intimacy of hand-touching.

“Jim,” Spock sounded pained, breathless, and it sent chills up Jim’s spine, along with a surprising feeling of pride. He was doing this to Spock. Spock, who on and off duty was the epitome of discipline and control, was growing more and more restless in his hands. “Jim,” he continued, “I would…like to…try something.”

“Whatever you want.”
Without further warning, Jim felt something pushing against his mind. It was like a memory on the tip of his tongue, almost clear but still eluding him. Much like a memory, this phenomenon came with a sudden surge of emotion. All of a sudden, Jim felt an overwhelming pleasure in his whole body, as well as strong feelings of joy and acceptance.

“Do you…feel me, Jim?”

It took him a second to realize Spock wasn’t talking about him in Jim’s hand; he was talking about Jim feeling him. The pleasure and joy he was feeling pressing against his mind wasn’t his own, it was Spock’s. Jim assumed it had something to do with the Vulcan kiss. The possible wonders of a telepathic lover were going to be very interesting indeed.

“Yes, I do. It’s perfect.”

Jim continued the rhythm of his hand, now feeling an inkling of the pleasure he was creating for Spock surging through his own mind. Spock was slowly losing control. His left hand tightened further in the sheets while his right – the one touching Jim’s – slipped every few seconds, interrupting the connection only momentarily before he got it back again. Spock was getting closer, and Jim redoubled his efforts with excitement.

Spock’s resulting grunt was immensely satisfying, but not as gratifying as the way his head rolled back, and his eyes snapped shut in pleasure. Suddenly, Spock was spilling over Jim’s hand, his breathing had turned into outright panting while he came. Jim didn’t stop, wanting to draw this out as long as possible for Spock. Indeed, it seemed Spock – or maybe Vulcans in general – took longer than humans to finish, as Jim spent the better part of two minutes squeezing the final waves of pleasure out of him. Sporadically, Spock would murmur something that sounding remarkably like “yes Jim” and “so good”. Jim failed miserably at hiding his proud smile.

Finally, after what felt like a good 5 minutes in Jim’s mind, Spock’s breathing returned to normal, and his eyes opened. Jim’s hand still rested around Spock’s length as their eyes met. The silence that ensued wasn’t awkward like it had been when they were interrupted. This time it was comfortable. Kirk deftly removed his hand and sat back on the bed next to Spock, who automatically zipped himself back up. Jim couldn’t seem to stop smiling. And was that, no it couldn’t be, was that a small smirk on Spock’s lips?

“Are you smiling Mr. Spock?” he teased, expecting some sort of logic-based retort. Spock’s reply surprised him though.

“It would seem I am. Even a full Vulcan would struggle to suppress this strong of an emotion.”

“You flatter me.” In reality, Jim was beaming. He reached up for Spock’s face again, kissing him slowly, finally enjoying the slow, deliberate affection he had wanted to give Spock so many times.

Where would they take this now? It would have to remain a secret, that is for sure. At least, for the foreseeable future. But the whole crew knew they were best friends, and with both of their combined workaholic tendencies, surely no one would question the two of them pulling another all-nighter?

“Mind if I stay the night?”

“Of course, Jim, but did you not just sleep for over 10 hours? I fail to see the logic in attempting to sleep more.”

Jim couldn’t help laughing. He felt giddy.

“Did I make a joke?” Spock sounded genuinely confused at Jim’s response.

“You know Spock, you really do have a talent for humor. Why don’t you tell me about your theories about that spacial anomaly we faced earlier? You seemed remarkably intrigued.”

“Are you sure it would not bore you?”

“Normally yes, but not tonight. Please, go on.”

“Very well.” And so Spock launched into a rather lengthy and over-detailed outline of his theories on the spacial anomaly that had kept them apart hours before. Jim wasn’t paying attention though. He was just watching Spock go on and on with ‘scientific curiosity’ as Spock dubbed it (though Jim recognized more than a little awe in his voice). Hours later, when Jim finally returned to his quarters, he heard the message Dr. McCoy had left for him on the com.

“Jim, get your ass to med bay. I finally figured out how to reverse the serum. But don’t Spock yet, it’s too much fun watching him be even more rude than usual to all the crew-mates. Let’s let him simmer for another few hours ey?”

Jim just shook his head in amusement. He would have words with the doctor. He really should take this truth serum business seriously. I mean, look what it did to the captain of the Enterprise…