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Aish! First day of school and I’m already late!

Hi. My name is Byun Baekhyun, for short introductions I would just like to lay out the following for you: I love to sing, I have a charming smile, I'm the company manager of the drama club and I also love to play video games. That’s basically everything you need to know about me and oh! And finally today is the day I become a senior in high school.

And I am also very late for it.

No, I’m not a slacker or one of those hooligans. To be very honest with you I’m a guy who gets straight A’s in class – well sometimes – but the point is, being late was not my regular thing and it’s really not my fault.

“I just had to fall asleep in the bus and miss the bus stop and it had to travel around town, I had to pay double” I ran as fast while whining dashing through the hallways successfully dodging everyone blocking my way. I’m glad I was gifted with agility and quick reflexes or else I would’ve given up already and decide to ditch my first day.

On second thought, nothing interesting happens on the first week of school right? So why should I care about the first day?

Why don’t I ditch my first day?

“Yeoboseyo?” I lazily spoke over my cellphone dabbing my hands onto the bowl of white cheddar popcorn – which is extremely delicious by the way – grabbing a handful before stuffing it into my mouth.

“Man, I can’t believe you ditched the first day of school” the disappointed person in the other line of the phone was Oh Sehun, the blond pretty boy that has become my best friend ever since freshman years. One thing you need to know about him: he loves to brood all the tiime.

“I was late. Besides, being absent at the first day is better than being late” I munched on the popcorn muffling the words I uttered out. “I rather not be present at all than having the first impression that I’m a person who’s always tardy”

“You missed a whole lot, there’s this very cute professor though. Her name’s Hyorin”

“Finally, the brooding pretty boy’s eyes were caught by someone and a teacher at that!”

“I don’t brood!”

“Yeah right” I chuckled, flipping the channel on the television “anything else interesting while I was gone?”

“Well, we do have another new professor as well. He looked very young to be a teacher, but when he revealed to us his age it was very shocking”

“What class does he teach?”

“Literature” Sehun sing-songed. “You know, he even told us the story of the Iliad from the Greek Mythology with his ukulele earlier, he’s has a pretty good voice!”

“Pffft, I bet half of the girls in class has a new target to prey on”

“Mhmm” Sehun hummed it and I could tell he was nodding in the other line like he would always do. “They were all swarming over his table after the performance and the professor sure was pleased about it too. To be honest, I think every girl in school was eyeing him on. I was watching him intently as he passed a group of sophomores and they all giggled and huddled together. So bizarre.”

“Show off” I scoffed, rolling my eyes at Sehun’s story. Typical, it’s always like this when a new professor comes around. What is it with women?

I will see to it that tomorrow we high school males will do everything to get the girls back to our side. And I will see what this big "whoop" about for some new teacher.

“You better go to class tomorrow arraseo? We missed you! You’ve been out all summer” Sehun sounded a bit sad and I could tell he was now pouting.

Summer.

Flashing images began to play in my mind. The dim lights, the quiet conversation, the exchange of laughter, alcohol, the room. The touches.

I abruptly closed my eyes tight hoping to shake everything off from my mind. I could feel the tension in my cheeks heating up and a familiar twinge of sensation washing over me. I felt every touch and wet lips that pressed on my skin as if I was reliving that moment again.

I was just lonely and he happens to just show up. He was a beautiful man. He looked like an angel. Why did he talk to me? Did he just take sympathy on me when I told him the reason I went away?

No, I don’t want to remember that night in summer.

It breaks my heart whenever it keeps rolling in my mind and how insane I was to ever have tried sleeping with a stranger - and probably lost my virginity too in the process! I was just a junior about to step into being a senior. What was I thinking?

“Baekhyun?” Sehun’s questioning voice snapped me out from my daydreams. I fluttered my eyes open only to become conscious that I was breathing heavily and practically drenched in sweat. Sehun kept calling out to me as I wiped the gleaming sweat from my sleeves. I can’t believe I was already this exhilarated for a man I don't even know the name. 

What is this feeling I have?

“Baekhyun?”

“Yep?” I tried to hide my breathy voice.

“I’d better get going now, I haven’t eaten dinner yet. You better go to school arraseo?” he said “And oh, the literature professor told us to bring index cards for attendance tomorrow, don’t forget”

“Sure, sure” I reply nonchalantly. “And by the way, if I do go tomorrow to school-“

“Tell me you plan on going”

“I do plan on going, don’t worry! But I can’t promise you that I will stay awake for the rest of the time”

“Oh?”

“Come on, what’s so great about the first week of classes? Nothing but introductions and get-to-knows, right?”

Of course, I had to be late again!

The same scene as yesterday: I was burning my ass off running through the hallways swiftly but surely avoiding Mr. Zhang our music teacher and Drama Club coordinator who whistled me a hello and Mr. Wu who was our dreaded Math professor who’s apparently was always angry all the time and the funny thing was, they were both Chinese. Well, nothing shocking about and I'm not being racist, but I just wanted to share.

“Classroom 4-A, classroom 4-A”it was on repeat in my mind all the time as I stared up at the classroom signs until I found the room I was looking for.

I stood there, trying to recollect myself, a bit nervous for some unknown reason. Is it because I was late? Was it because I forgot to bring the required index card?

Nah.

I’m just nervous for what I was going to do.

Smiling at myself and getting ready, I flung the sliding door open and hopped inside flailing my hands in the air staring at my beaming classmates who shot their heads up the moment they heard me come in and among the crowd, I saw my two best buddies: Oh Sehun and Kim Jongin who were both face palming at the sight of my grand entrance.

“Yeah! I’m back my fellow classmates! Today we’re actual seniors! Whoo!” I cheered and I wish I didn’t. Everyone with their knowing grins stared at me as if I was the stupidest person in the world. I titled my head to the side raising a questioning brow. What’s with their faces? I always do this every year when school begins, they used to scream and celebrate with me too.

A moment later though, my questions were answered. I knew exactly why their grins were growing. It wasn’t because of me.

“And who might you be?”

It was because of the person who asked behind me.

My spine tingled. A cold sweat trickled down my temples and I swear, the hairs all over my body raised the moment the person’s breath touched the nape of my neck. I jumped from my place slowly turning around to see to whom that familiar voice came from and when I did see the face, I felt a punch in my gut and hoped that it punched me in the face and knock me out this instant instead.

“Annyeong” he raised his small hand waving it as a greeting and that smile, the haunting smile that formed on his lips only made my head dizzier.

What the actual f-

It couldn’t be, could it?

“Hello?” he opened his mouth, that infamous lopsided grin of his showing as he chuckled to himself waving a hand in front of my eyes to see if I was still functioning. “Helloooooo? I asked you a question”

“I-I…” I was speechless! Why wouldn’t I be?

No, this isn’t happening! He can’t be here.

But damn he was beautiful, from his gelled up hair to his chinky eyes to his buttoned nose to his thin lips and that silver earring on his left earlobe still intact just like the day we met except, he was wearing a suit now instead of a shirt and jeans.

My heart panged, banging in my ears the longer I stared into his brown eyes. The images of last summer, it was coming back to me and I couldn’t help but feel myself stiffen. Out of all the people to be my professor, it had to be him. The stanger I slept with...

I remember him very well. But does he remember me?

His eyes didn’t say anything nor his reaction did give me any signs that he indeed does remembered me. He just looked and laughed passing by making his way to the teacher's desk in front of the classroom. Was I to be relieved of such action? But why am I frowning and the uneasy feeling in my stomach was affecting me so much?

“Somebody help your classmate here, he seems to have rusted the screws of his arms and feet” and that earned him a couple of laughter from the class

It was Sehun and Jongin who pulled me from where I was standing, plopping me to a vacant seat near the window. No matter how hard they both tried to shake and talk to me, I was too stunned to even hear or think of anything at the moment and my eyes unconsciously travelled from my desk to the very image of the horrifying yet angelic man in front.

He was here. He can’t be here!

After weeks of trying to forget, somehow, the gods winded him to just show up out of nowhere just like in the bar. In school. Of all places!

Before I could continue to scrape any theories on how he ended up here, his eyes then snapped to mine. His smile never going away and it was enough to make my face flush tomato red. Is he playing something? Does he remember me that’s why he has that playful grin on his face? There were so many questions racing in my mind and it was driving me crazy.

“Are you alright now?” he asked, chuckling quietly. He scanned through his class list and pointed to what I deduced to be my name printed on the paper. “You must be…Byun Baekhyun?”

Jongin nudged me by the forearms and I quickly blurted out. “Yes!”

“You weren’t present yesterday” he pursed his lips into a thine line “We already finished each other’s introductions and I don’t want it to be unfair to the class that they all made themselves known so, I think it’s your time to do the introductions”

“M-me?”

The professor laughed, a melodious one at that. “Yes you Mr. Byun”

Sehun and Jongin both stared at me, their eyes forcing me to stand up and get it over with whatever that was bothering me. I can tell that they were demanding a story for my actions. And so, I stood up. Fumbling with my fingers feeling the sweat trickle down the nape of my neck.

“I-I’m uh…”

I couldn’t get my head straight, not because of him, but because I heard the whispers from the people around me. They exchanged whispers telling each other how it was weird to see me stutter for the first time and how it was uncharacteristic of me to act this way. I never did like it when people stare at me, theatre actor or no, but people staring at you for the sole reason to make gossip was something I hated. I wasn’t going to let people start some controversy about me. No, not on the second day of school either.

“Annyeonhasaeyo, I am Byun Baekhyun. Nineteen years old, born on May 6, I love to sing and act as you all know I am the Company Manager of the Drama Club and I am also known as the Class Clown” I bowed a good straight bend forward “It is nice to meet you sir-“

“Kim Minseok” he cuts me off in finishing my sentence “but I told the class to call me Xiumin”

“A-ah…ne” I nodded attempting to hide my face by draping my bangs over my eyes hoping he didn’t see me turning a bright shade of pink.

So that’s his name: Kim Minseok. What an odd name but somehow it suited him very well.

Ah, but why do I feel like I have accomplished something just by knowing his name?

I mentally slapped myself. Get it together Baekhyun, get it together.

With all the voices screaming inside my head I didn’t come to hear that the class was chuckling at me when Professor Minseok – I mean Xiumin, or whatever his name is told me to take my seat until Sehun pulled me down as my bum crashed onto the wooden chair.

“Head still in a summer vacation Mr. Byun?” the professor grinned and the class doubled over.

You have no idea sir. You have no idea.

“Alright, now that’s over with, how about we open our textbooks?” he said pulling out a thick orange book where everyone let out a disappointed “aww” echoing around the room making his head shot up chuckling at the sight. “Don’t worry, this’ll be fun. We’ll go and recall the basics, like the Elements of a Story nothing too heavy for today. In fact, all the stories I picked suits the generation for today so don’t worry we won’t be reading anything boring”

Everyone cheered a hooray and a ‘yes!’ seriously though, this class was way gullible.

Once everyone took their books turning it to the pages the professor told us about, Jongin and Sehun huddled close to me whispering endless questions wondering what was going on with this throbbing head of mine.

“Hey, you alright?” Jongin placed a hand over my forehead trying to check if I was in any way ill which I immediately jerked off.

“I’m fine”

“Then why are you acting so scared?” Sehun asked narrowing his eyes at me. He wasn't part of the gullibility club of the class.

“Scared? I’m not scared” I said innocently and I meant it, but my voice gave away my nervousness.

“You act and sound so scared. Why? Do you know Professor Minseok?” Jongin spat “Is he an old enemy of yours or something?”

“No”

“Is he one of those salesmen that knocks on your doors every now and then?” Sehun added.

“No, no”

“Then what is he?”

“Nothing! He’s nothing!” I basically whispered loud enough that some of our classmates turned their heads to see the commotion, but Jongin managed to shoo them away with one death glare.

“Then tell us why you're acting this way? It’s so unlike you” Sehun clicked his tongue getting a little fed up with my lies.

“H-he’s…” I scanned through my mind brainstorming any possible story I could come up with. Luckily, professor Minseok called out to us breaking our little circle. I mentally thanked him for that. Relief washed over me.

“Boys, please take this seriously even if it’s first week of school. Okay?”

“Sorry sir” we all said in unison bowing our heads apologetically. Despite of it all, I could sense Jongin and Sehun's lingering eyes taking glimpses of me with their peripheral vision still waiting for me to spill out anything to satisfy their curiosity.

What am I supposed to say? That I laid with our Literature Professor last summer and admit to them that it felt good?

Ah, what am I saying!?

I slapped my cheeks with my hands and crumbled, sinking slowly into my seat hoping that the earth would swallow me whole into the abyss.

If I tell them the truth about it, they would certainly think differently of me. I know they are my best friends but if they knew about it…it's just so...wrong. What’s worse is that, if other people knew about Professor Minseok and my relationship last summer they might expel him or me from school. It’s better I keep my mouth shut and pretend what happened during summer was nothing.

But how can I try and forget about summer when the constant reminder of it was just right in front of my eyes with his broad shoulders protruding showing his muscles and his gorgeous eyes that wandered across the room looking into the eyes of each and every one of his students – including me. It was a big problem.

Whenever our eyes meet I had to keep my composure, not attempting to show any vital signs that I was affected. But damn no matter how I try, my eyes would go blank and my mind would always and I mean always replay that night.

The bed covers, the dim lights, the name calling, the curses and the taste of alcohol on his lips. I shuddered at my seat feeling myself once more stiffen. Was I getting turned on merely by his eyes?

I don’t know how I could keep this up any longer. This was going to be a long senior high school year and it’s going to be more difficult than I thought.

“Aw man, the cafeteria raised twenty-pecent on every freaking meal” Sehun plopped down his tray on our usual table by the large window overlooking the baseball field.

This was a seat where when we were freshmen, would look outside and daydream of what we may become for the years to come. You see, we picked this seat because Jongin’s dream was to be part of the baseball varsity team in which now, he was the star player and captain. Sehun always wanted to be part of the Street Jazz Dance Troupe of the school and now he was one of the choreographers for the upcoming main event in December, the Christmas Bazaar and I, on the other hand wanted to join the Drama Club in which I am now the Company Manager.

Basically the three of us are well-known in school for our achievements - and mighty good looks, not to brag - that’s the reason why people never sit on our table since they say we had “claimed” it. Truthfully, we didn’t mind if anybody wanted to sit here, it’s just a very significant table to us.

“Tell me about it, there’s nothing even in this lasagna it’s just covered in cheese over nothing!” Jongin’s frown dug deeper into his face grimacing at the pure cheddar cheese dripping from his fork and pushed the plate aside. “I think I’ve lost my appetite”

“Hey, you better eat. You have your baseball training later, you need the energy for it” I said pushing the plate back to him in which he shook his head with a grimace.

A group of squealing and giggling girls caught our attention and we all quickly spun around to find what the commotion was about. Oh, what a shocker, it was our new professor Kim Minseok being swarmed by girls asking him for anything related to literature for the sole purpose only to strike a conversation with him. Of course.

“Girls really, always have the room for the handsome man appetite” Sehun scoffed swallowing the stupid excuse for a lasagna.

The girls were ruthless! They would never settle for just a quick reply of a yes and a no to the point that they followed Professor Minseok until he reached the counter. Everything was getting out of hand and the girls didn’t seem to mind it nor notice Professor Minseok's attempts to shoo them away. Fortunately for him, the dreaded Professor Kris Wu and Professor Zhang Yixing came to his aid dispersing the girls who ogled over at them as well, but they managed to get rid of them.

“I thought they’d never leave” I overheard Professor Minseok chuckling awkwardly laced with pure relief. “Thank you”

“Don’t mention it” Professor Wu said shaking Minseok’s hand followed by Yixing “You’re the new teacher right?”

He nodded and smiled. "I am"

“It’s tough when you’re popular you know” Professor Yixing beamed “Moreover seeing that you’re a new one”

“You should have a restraining order” Professor Wu suggested and they all laughed. The two professors offered him a seat by their table and he humbly accepted it.

My eyes followed him until he reached his seat unaware that Sehun was calling me. I snapped back to my senses and acted as if I listened to every word Sehun had said and somehow he thought I actually paid attention to him for he just continued on talking.

“It’s like he’s from one of those Japanese comics, those Mangas or something. I've never seen anyone flock around a person like that in an average day” Sehun pounded his fists on the table “I mean look at him, what’s so great about him?”

Yes, what was so great about him?

I asked myself that too because no matter what, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.

It was still lunch break but I had decided to come back to my classroom. It would be empty by now since everyone is either out eating in the field or the cafeteria, it’s the perfect time for me to have some quiet time to rest my head. I was starting to develop a migraine the longer I stayed in the cafeteria staring at my literature professor. I had to keep my mind preoccupied with something else.

Argh. Whatever I do Professor Kim fucking Minseok won’t get out from my head. I just wish I could erase my memories right now, it didn’t help the migraine that was picking up and I wasn’t feeling any good.

And it only got worse when I ran to the corner, turning only to bump into him. I let out a short yelp in surprise before catching myself to regain my balance.

“Excuse me, I’m sorry” he chuckled placing his extremely strong hands on my shoulders to steady myself “I didn’t see you there, I apologize”

“No biggie” I tried to remain calm. I nailed it.

He smiled, letting me go from his grip followed by shoving his hands into his pockets. I stood there and bit my lips, feeling a bit uncomfortable that I was just standing a little flustered in front of him and a little confused on why he wasn’t going away. If he was a normal teacher, won’t you just go on your way and ignore your student?

Maybe he remembers me?

All the theories coming up in my mind were instantly turned down when Professor Minseok nodded and walked pass me. “See you tomorrow Byun Baekhyun”

I turned around in disbelief and somewhat a bit relieved - but I was more tilting on the verge of disbelief. Did he just “normal-teacher-zoned” me?

Why am I even getting fed up with it? It’s not like we had something last summer.

Once again the thought of summer crossed my mind and I swear I wanted to bawl my brain out. Why do I keep on bringing up last summer?

Why am I even feeling this way? It only happens when I meet him. Whatever this feeling was, I hope it goes away immediately. I’m getting very nauseated with it.

School time was over and I hurriedly ran away to the gates tasting the freedom in the air. It felt so nice leaving the chair where I sat for eight hours where my butt had been cramping all the way through. 

A little fact about EXODUS Academy, is that the only way for you to go in and out of the school is by train for the school is in the middle of a gigantic lake. It was built by the grandfather of Kim Junmyeon – the current principal - the founder of the school. So I had no time to lose or else I’ll be left by the train.

I hopped in, taking the nearest seat. I was in a hurry and minding my own business little did I know that I would hear the same familiar rich voice of my professor breathed beside me. I leapt on my feet repressing a scream that urged to come out.

“Whoops, I scared you again didn’t I?” he chuckles with an amused grin.

Damnit, I’m being too obvious. I should just remain cool and act natural in hopes that I wouldn’t give anything away. Well, he doesn’t seem to remember me at all so why am I fretting so much? Should I be happy and move on that he doesn’t remember me? 

“I’m sorry, I’m a person who easily gets jumpy” I managed to say, clearing my throat.

In my peripheral vision I could sense his eyes never leaving me and that made me turn to him, placing a poker face so I could confront and ask him what was going on with his stare. “Yes?”

“You could sit down now you know” he said patting the vacant seat beside him.

'How about no' I told myself feeling the sweat beading to form on the palm of my hands. I inhaled deeply through my nostrils throwing my head back to stare up to the ceiling of the train for a distraction.

“It’s alright, it’s just a short trip from school to the station. I can handle a few minutes of standing up” with a stroke of luck, I hope he'll just leave me alone.

He smiled warmly, a suspicious twinkle in his eyes “If you say so”

God, that angelic smile and sweet voice of his it’s driving me insane. It was really different from the hoarse curses he whispered to me that night. I’m pretty sure it’ll only add up to the plague that’s haunting me. But so far, I’m glad he doesn’t remember a thing about me. Maybe I can start forgetting summer after all.

I opened my phone only be startled by the loud music that was playing and I felt very embarrassed for everyone in the train snapped their attention to mortified old me. I chuckled nervously inserting the tail to my earphones to shut the music off from prying ears.

So embarrassing. I plugged one earphone on my left ear.

“Katy Perry?” Professor Minseok said and I abruptly directed my focus to him.

“Ah, yes. Her song, Unconditionally” deciding to listen rather continue the conversation, I slipped the other earphone on.

“I love that song” he plainly said then looked away minding his own business now.

Hmm, I never knew he was a Katy Perry fan and for some unknown reason, when I hopped off the train I never took notice that Katy Perry’s song: Unconditionally was on loop and I have been listening to it until I reached home.

I came home that night and as always, I never bothered to announce in the house that I have arrived since I was getting overpowered anyway with my parents arguing once again in the living room. Usually I'd climb up the stairs to my room and lock myself in and play songs in my radio blocking out the annoying shouts.

My hands began to press on my cellphone playing the volume at it’s loudest just listening to the song Unconditionally by Katy Perry throughout the night. I do not know why, but somehow listening to it made me kind of happy relishing in the beautiful lyrics and Katy’s singing voice. I couldn’t say anything more but I came to appreciate the song.

Everywhere I went, from the kitchen, to the bathroom or may it be whilst taking a shower I was singing the same song over and over. Even until I went over to Sehun’s house to play Call of Duty. And to the brooding boy Sehun, it was getting pretty annoying since I’ve been singing it the whole night until I went to school the next day and he swore he was getting deaf as we near the train station.

“Look, I know you’re great in singing but damn Baekhyun, sing something other than Katy Perry” he whined and there was his exagerrated brooding face once more.

“I can’t help it. Last Song Syndrome” I laughed.

“It’s a very nice song isn’t it?”

Ever and always, I took a leap back spinning to see Professor Minseok’s dreaded face once again and he let out a hearty laugh. Clearly he was enjoying this.

“Sorry to keep on frightening you again and again”

“Professor! What a pleasant surprise” Sehun bowed, greeting him respectfully in which Professor Minseok acknowledged giving him the same level of bow.

“Hello” he beamed at Sehun then his eyes turned to me “I see you’re listening to Unconditionally again like yesterday”

My face flushed instantly. Ah, he heard me singing Unconditionally. He might think it's because of him! I hate to admit it, but it was a half-truth.

Sehun raised a brow suspiciously at me and I rolled my eyes giving off telepathic signals telling him that there was nothing worth telling. But he was persistent, his eyes were piercing through me and his hand clutched my forearms tugging it gently in which I struggled to gently jerk off.

Being the impatient boy, he faced our professor. “Excuse me, but may I ask. Do you know each other sir?”

Of course he had to be nosy.

“Who, Baekhyun?” he pointed at me and I felt myself freeze in my place. I averted my gaze from him getting ready for him to say something like he knew me or remember me or something.

“Besides you two are my students?” he stared at me with a quizzical expression then back at Sehun “Nope. Never seen him before”

Oh my goodness, thank you. I mentally sighed in relief, unclenching my fists.

“Why do you ask?”

Sehun frowned a bit disappointed that he didn’t get anything worth of intrigue from us. His shoulders dropped in defeat and shook his head in negation. “Nothing sir. Just a random thought”

Professor Minseok snorted once more before turning to stare back at me. I gazed back completely perplexed on why he was looking at me like that. I turned my eyes to the left and the right before stretching and made my way to the train station.

We all climbed aboard the train and reached the school. When I came down and barely made it half way to the school’s giant stairs of the building, a hand tugged my wrist to twist me. It was my professor Kim Minseok.

Aish, what does he want?

“You dropped this” he said handing over to me a piece of paper in which I just stared a little dumbfounded on it.

“That’s not mine” I said. I turned to Sehun who was two feet away from me and shrugged his shoulders.

“Oh, I’m pretty sure it’s yours”

I don’t know if it’s just me being paranoid but there, I saw a different glimmer in his eyes that sent shivers down my spine. I kept staring at the paper hesitating whether I should take it or not. With further curiosity egging me on to take it, I swiped it off from his hands.

I opened the paper seeing it was blank but once I took a closer inspection, there was a small cursive writing written in blue ink that almost made me tip over in shock. I raised my head to give him a look. He was gone.

Meet me in my office after class.

“And so, Zelo from class 3-B fell and broke his arm!” Jongin was telling a story to the class of how that poor Zelo boy from 3-B, a new recruit got an injury. It was a good opportunity for Sehun’s mind to be preoccupied with something else other than his sudden interest with me and our literature professor.

I on the other hand was too busy thumbing on the piece of rolled paper in my palms.

By now, I know for sure he recognizes me as the boy he slept with and it bothered me so much it’s killing me slowly. What does he want from me?

I don’t know him, and that scares me. Kim Minseok is such a mysterious guy, I don’t know his intentions. I hope it involves with just talking things out and just plainly catching up. Maybe in the lines of: "Oh hey, I slept with you let's forget about it right?"

My thoughts were so immersed in thinking through any possibilities and consequences that I didn’t notice Professor Kim Minseok had already entered the classroom and the coos and oohs of the girls started to build up again.

My ears however, automatically blocked them out when my eyes then halted to stare at him. My heart skipped with happiness just seeing his presence in the room and for some unknown reason, I enjoyed just watching him smile at everyone apologizing for being late and how he clumsily placed his books on the table. He looked very funny and cute being this innocent little guy. My heart couldn’t stop beating fast at his very sight.

How is it that a stranger can make my heart beat like this?

My fists clenched the paper in my hands as I remembered he wanted to see me later in his office and that very image of cute and innocence were suddenly ripped out, moreover when his eyes travelled to mine making that knowing smirk of his.

“Surprise, surprise you’re not late for my class” he jokes.

I raised my hand to acknowledge what he said about me being punctual and managed to smile at him with closed lips.

And there once more, the class fell silent as we began this staring contest only the two of us know. There's really something up in his mind and this paper in my hands was the proof. Everyone in class just watched in great anticipation and I could tell there were question marks written all over their faces.

With Professor Kim Minseok sensing it, he rubbed his hands together snapping out from our silent staring contest “Alright, turn your books to page 19,”

While everyone was getting their books I, on the other hand was too busy staring at him as he was staring back at me. Our eyes giving off a challenge. His eyelids lowerered onto my hands noticing I was still clutching the note in my palms. I gulped as he gave me the strangest smirk before going back to talk to the class.

“Are you okay?” Jongin nudged me.

“Huh? What?” I looked at Jongin completely innocent.

Sehun stared at me for a long while sighing “Just ignore him Jongin, he’s not himself lately”

Indeed. I wasn’t and it’s driving me nuts.

Meet me in my office after class.

Here, I stood outside his office the feeling of getting nervous overcoming me. I had never been this nervous in my life in meeting a professor. I mean, I always get in trouble and stuff and my face got thick without getting ashamed but this one was different.

If I step inside, I know I’m going to pass the point of no return.

Let’s just get this over with and see what he has to say.

Knock, knock, knock.

“Come in”

“Come in”

Huh?

That was weird, for a second I thought I heard a woman say it. I knocked again only for the door to be opened by the other new teacher, the beautiful Ms. Hyorin who smiled at me nodding for me to come in.  What was she doing here?

Moreover, what was Professor Zhang Yixing doing here too?

Professor Kim Minseok’s back was turned to me. He only turns his head at the sound of the door that shut behind us. Ms. Hyorin’s eye smile was so bewitching, I flustered at her perfectly set of white teeth as she gestured to Professor Zhang who was holding a glass of wine in his hands.

What's going on?

“I see you got my note” Professor Zhang smiled warmly, his eyes twinkling with gratification at Professor Minseok who nodded appreciating his acknowledgement.

Oh, so it was Professor Zhang who wanted to see me in Professor Minseok’s office? I slapped myself mistaking and being overly paranoid to think that Professor Minseok was hiding some secret from me. Shame on you Byun Baekhyun.

I happily smiled at Professor Zhang Yixing bobbing my head up and down, “Yes sir, I did. Is there anything you need?”

Even though I was talking to Professor Zhang, my eyes were passing through him to watch the man behind him who was refilling his glass while Professor Hyorin patted his back so he could turn to her. Something inside me boiled when he laughed to what seemed to be a joke Ms. Hyorin just cracked. My fists clenched and unclenched automatically.

Why would I feel uneasy just watching the two of them together?

“So Minseok and Hyorin” Professor Yixing called the two, his hands travelled onto Minseok’s back pushing him gently introducing me to the newcomers. “This is Byun Baekhyun, he is my star pupil in the Drama Club, he also is good in class. He’s actually running for honors”

“Impressive!” Ms. Hyorin clapped her hands applauding me like a proud mother. Her eyes disappeared the moment her smile got brighter. I nodded my head shyly thanking her.

“I heard him singing in the train earlier, he really does have talent” even with just a simple compliment my heart panged in my ears when Professor Minseok said that.

My eyes were so focused on his pink lips, how it moved and parted. I wondered how soft it looked. I could feel myself turn redder and redder by the second and Ms. Hyorin seemed to notice it because a moment later, she giggled and pointed at my face.

“So cute! He’s embarrassed” she giggled louder “Look at what you did Minseok”

“What? He really was good” Professor Minseok said in his defense laughing at Hyorin as she pinched his sides.

“Would you two stop flirting in front of me already” Professor Zhang joked. A joke was supposed to be laughed at, but somehow why did I feel so affected? I simply bit my lip trying to repress an urge to sigh in frustration.

For some unexplainable reason, I didn’t want Ms. Hyorin to touch Professor Kim Minseok. Nor should Professor Kim Minseok touch Ms. Hyorin. And for the weirdest reason, I found myself aching to be in Ms. Hyorin’s shoes right now.

“Oh come on Yixing, we’re best friends, this is a normal thing. It’s not flirting” Minseok took Ms. Hyorin in his arms knuckling the top of her head as she giggled struggling in Minseok’s arms.

They were on it for quite sometime, leaving Professor Zhang and I to be the third wheels to their best friendship flirting. Trying to ignore them and the sudden urge to punch Professor Minseok in the face came crawling, I cleared my throat turning to Professor Zhang trying to smile as I did so.

“I thank you sir for commending me to our two new dear professors” my tongue tasted bitter out of nowhere making my face cringe. Luckily , Professor Zhang was always afloat in his thoughts that he just smiled at me patting my small back.

“That’s not all of it, I brought you here because I would like congratulate you”

“Congratulate me?” I cocked my head to the side.

Professor Zhang was smiling every so brightly picking up an envelope from Professor Minseok’s desk taking out a violet piece of paper with the insignia of our Drama Club and then I knew exactly what he was talking about. My eyes widened in surprise and excitement bursts inside me when I reached out to grab the violet paper where it read the following:

EXODUS Theatre Guild 2015 would like to congratulate it’s Company Manager

Mr. Byun Baekhyun

Congratulations in making your school proud.
For qualifying to the next round of auditions in MID School of Artistry this upcoming October 25, 2015.
Our esteemed Dean Choi Sooyoung extends her hands and welcomes you to the final round of application.

MID School of Artistry

“I…can’t believe it!” my hands quickly covered my mouth and I swear I could feel tears forming on the corners of my eyes. I never felt so happy! All the hardwork and effort I’ve put in the first auditions.

To be able to study adept theatre in MID School of Artistry has been a dream to me ever since I was young. I never could imagine that I would reach being a Company Manager but I did, and now I still can’t believe I’m going to the next round of auditions in hopes of attending one of the best – ivy league level – schools for my education, and on top of that, if I win the judges’ hearts in my next audition I might get a scholarship!

“We are very proud of you Baekhyun” Professor Zhang took me in his arms for a congratulatory embrace. He lets go of me Mr. Hyorin follows suit by taking me in her arms.

When she lets me go, my eyes snapped to Professor Minseok and everything went in slow motion as I anticipated what he was going to do to congratulate me. Instead of embracing me like the others before him, he held out his hand and took mine – damn his hands are so soft just like I remembered and incredibly warm – luckily my bangs were in the way successfully tucking away the blush on my cheeks.

“Congrats” Minseok’s lopsided grin was at it again. When he took off his hands, I felt very empty, very cold. I never wanted to let it go. I bowed thanking the three of them then my eyes went back to the paper as I absorbed everything in.

This was all a dream, someone pinch me!

“Baekhyun there is one more thing I should add,” Professor Zhang went behind Minseok and Hyorin “Meet your new Theatre Mentors”

“M-mentors?” that was all it took to snuff out the light in my heart. My jaw dropped and if it was possible, it would have punctured through the floor reaching the core of the earth. What!? Kim Minseok, a mentor in my drama club?

No freaking way.

“Professor Hyorin here is a great singer and now she signed up to be a mentor as our Drama Club’s vocal trainer”

“I hope I can help improve your” she cleared her throat and began to pitch some notes then sing-songed the next words she uttered “singing and vocal ranges”

I was impressed, she has a sweet honey voice but my praise to her went short when Professor Zhang placed both his hands on top of Professor Minseok’s shoulders and I couldn’t wait to hear what his position was going to be. The anxiety gobbling me up. I hope he’s not going for choreography because that’s what Professor Zhang does and doing choreograpy is an intimate practice. If he’s a literature professor, then maybe he’s going to be a script writer or something.

Yes, he’d better be a script writer so he’ll be very far away from me.

“And this here, Professor Minseok would be” of course Professor Zhang had to prolong this moment or was it just me being paranoid once again?

My sweat trickled down my adam’s apple as I gulped. It’s agoninizing to wait like this.

“He’s our scriptwriter” he said and I cheered inside my head but Professor Zhang was not finished for he quickly added “he will also help me in being the Stage Manager”

Someone shoot me. Kim Minseok is going to be our Stage Manager?

One thing you need to know about being a Stage Manager in Theatre is that they are the ones who run the play if you know what I mean. A Stage Manager is the one who blocks the positions of the actors, he or she cues the lights and sounds and also is the one who screams the lines if you forget about it. Basically, the Stage Manager oversees everything and when I mean everything I mean from the costumes to your eye contact and that is not going to end well for me.

If I go up that stage and feel his eyes follow me, I will surely lose it and break down.

“It’s an honor to be part of the team” Professor Minseok bows “I look forward in working with you on your next production”

Nope, nope double nope.

I stared at his expression hoping to deduce something out of it. Mr. Zhang never lets people into the team unless it was our old Professor Kyungsoo who resigned to move to New York for broadway, I’m just surprised he lets two of them in just like that!

But no matter how hard I tried to get something out from his face, he just seemed unbothered when he sees me while I on the other hand keeps on panicking. The way he looks at me it’s just so…it’s like he’s never seen me anywhere.

Argh, is he playing tricks on me? Am I the only one going crazy? Why isn’t he like me, slowly losing my mind and all the while fidgeting! It's so unfair Kim Minseok!

Maybe he doesn’t really know me?

“Well, that’s it” Professor Zhang Yixing placed a hand over my shoulder “Thank you for coming Baekhyun, we’re sorry if we had to give it in...an odd way"

“I understand sir” yep, Professor Yixing always had a thing for delivering everything in an artistic and theatrical, melodramatic way.

“Now, off you go and rest. You still have months for preparation, go on and relish on your triumph! You have a bright future ahead of you Baekhyun”

“Thank you sir!” I bowed to Professor Zhang, to Ms. Hyorin and then to Professor Minseok who just bid me farewell and goodluck.

That was it right? Nothing more?

Once I’ve finished my farewells and closed the door behind me, leaving the three of them inside I couldn’t help but feel like something was missing. A big piece to this mystery was aching for me to find it. Something was not right.

Pain struck in my heart upon hearing Ms. Hyorin and Professor Minseok giggling inside. I could sink into the ground any moment if I stayed there so I just took off running away.

I just needed to go home right now.

“What is your problem?”

“You! That’s what! I’ve never had any decent days because of you!”

They were at it again. Everytime I come home they would always yell at each other that I would wonder how long this will keep up. Until they lose their voices? Who knows. I turned up Katy Perry’s song once more completely blocking them from my ears.

Actually I began to regret playing Unconditionally again since it only brings up Professor Kim Minseok’s face in my mind. Why can’t I stop thinking about him? More importantly, why do I feel like I got punched in the face?

Was I jealous?

No, it couldn’t be jealousy.

All I know that is certain is that now I feel stupid, very stupid. For suspecting Professor Kim Minseok when he was just being a nice normal professor to me earlier doing an errand for Professor Zhang. I shame myself, I’m very embarrassed of myself right now. 

To be thinking of a teacher in an appropriate way? To mistake a teacher for something my imaginations could have conjured up?

Maybe all of these feelings I have towards Professor Minseok was just the result of being...lonely. Of being around my parents bickering that my depression and loneliness started finding a way to have a kind of feeling for skinship, for longing for advnetures or distractions. 

But with him invading my thoughts all the time, rather trying to solve this irritating case, I just find myself actually...I find myself seeing him differently...

This was all so wrong.

It’s high time I forget about him and focus on a larger picture, MSA! MID School of Artistry!

Yes, that’s right. I should forget everything about him, clean his slate in my mind and brand him as the new Kim Minseok. To be very honest, maybe he just looks like the man I met in the bar and that he’s not actually the same person.

But damn, I know a face when I see one.

The next morning, one of our teachers couldn't make it to class so she gave us a reading assignment in the library where everyone of us were yawning and sleeping throughout the period of research. It’s a good thing the library was quiet. Jongin was already fast asleep and Sehun – well, his eyelids were going to give up any moment now- then there’s me. I was too much engrossed with researching for a good piece to audition for MSA that it kept me up to grab this opportunity for a one and a half hour to research.

Great, there was nothing in the internet. Guess I’ll have to do it the traditional way.

“Hey, I’ll be back. I’m just going to look for something”

“Sure” Sehun yawned not even bothering to look as he dismissed me.

“Let’s see here…Midsummer Night’s Dream, Othello, Don Quixote, In a Grove…” my hand brushed over the spine of the books in the Classics section of the Literature Category. It’s easier to find great pieces here, the problem was though there were so many I couldn’t choose one.

“Ah” I would go for the common ones first. “Romeo and Juliet”

I shuddered at its sight. It was such a cliché theatre piece that it was so good. I might pick up something from here that I can use as an inspiration.

Scanning and skimming through - Nope, definitely not.

As I was about to return the book, the empty slot gave way to an opening where I could see the other side of the bookcase and to my surprise that almost sent me flying off, I saw him. Out of all people and the strangest coincidence, he was there, just on the other side of the bookshelf and why wouldn’t he be? This is the Literature section and he was a Literature Professor.

It was a good thing he didn’t see me though, his eyes were directed to a book maybe, for his eyes were downcasted. I stayed there observing him. Just looking at his eyes, I found them beautiful. He looked like a cat the more I took in the details of his face. He was extremely breath taking. Why is he making me feel this way?

“Shit” I gasped the moment his eyes shot up and I abruptly shoved the Romeo and Juliet book back and completely ducking my head down.

Damnit, did he see me? Was he even aware I was staring at him?

My face just turned very bright red, I could feel it. I should really be vigilant next time. Waiting for a couple of minutes and checked if the coast was clear, I made it out of the Classic section hurrying myself back to my seat where Sehun bolted straight up when I accidentally pushed the table.

“Did you find anything?” he said in between yawns.

“Nope, nothing interesting” I lied and started scribbling nothing on the paper.

Goddamit, why does fate lead me to him?

I know I promised myself that I would stop thinking about him but how could I if he was teaching in front of the class? He was surely normal, it’s been days since we’ve started school and there was nothing unusual about him. The only unusual thing was...well…me.

These emotions I feel, I don’t know what they call it. I’m pretty sure it’s not love, it’s impossible and it would be very bizarre if I consider it also as a crush. No matter what though, he just effortlessly...reels me to pay attention to him and nothing else around me mattered.

“Alright, I have a short poem here, I bet the ladies will like this” his voice echoed in the room as he passed the papers to two of the people in front who began to hand out the rest.

The girls all giggled upon getting the papers and we - well, we were all scoffing at them. 

“When He Walks Into the Room” Jongin read out loud enough for me and Sehun to hear.

“This is a new poem I would like us all to read” Professor Minseok said clasping his hands together “Now, everyone, this is entirely different from the last text we read The Lady or the Tiger right? Who enjoyed that?”

All the girls raised their hands saying: “Me, me, me!”

“It was so heartbreaking professor, why do you boggle our minds like this?” one of the girls said and I couldn’t agree more.

Professor Minseok has this way of boggling people’s minds all the time or was I just torturing myself with endless paranoid questions?

“Yes professor! I hate thinking of open endings. If the champion got the tiger he would die and the princess will forever be stuck in grieving for the death of her love but if he got the lady, then he will marry the woman and the princess will forever see her lover doomed to be in the arms of another!”

Jongin and Sehun snorted, pressing a hand over his mouth trying his best to avoid bursting out a laugh in which Professor Minseok overheard and managed to chuckle.

“Alright, alright. Today, it’s a little different and I know all the girls here and possibly some boys if you change the him to a her can relate” Professor Minseok took the paper “Alright last time Insung read the Lady or the Tiger how about…” he quickly scanned the room and to a shocking surprise, he pointed towards well…me.

“How about the president of the Drama Club Byun Baekhyun? How about you read this poem for us?”

Great, out of all the people to read this text he just had to pick me!

My fingers trembled as I lifted the paper in my hands standing up for everyone to see. It is accustomed to stand up when reciting right? I cleared my throat and began to read.

When he walks into the room
the corners of my eyes feed
  upon the edges of his image.
     
The printed page
     Is orphaned and stranger breed
     a riot in my mind.
   
 Then he walks out. And my doom
     begins to grow with speed
     of his departure. The mark of age
     spreads upon my visage.
 
     There is nothing more to read.
        My soul is blind.

All the girls clapped their hands all swooning and cooing at my performance – or for the text. I bowed to Professor Minseok and quickly sat down on my seat feeling a bit light headed.

“So, what do you think?” Professor Minseok beamed at the class where all the girls began popping their hands up waiting to be called. “Yes Minzy?”

“It was very sad”

“Why so? Please elaborate”

“It’s about a girl watching a guy from afar and she might or might not know him but she likes or even possible love him. Sadly, she can’t do anything but just watch from afar”

Professor Minseok nodded agreeingly. “Yes, it’s sad not to be able to have the courage to talk to the person you’re interested with right? All you could do is just look at him from afar”

Shots fired. Why can I relate so much

The whole class breathes the same sighs in ooh and aahs cooing.

“Anything else?” he opened further the question to the floor. Everyone seemed to raise their hands but he turns to me and gestures for me to recite. “How about we ask the reader on how he took it. Mr. Byun, do you have anything to say? It would be interesting to hear it from a Male’s perspective”

“Me?”

“Yes you” Professor Minseok's grin grew broader. “Think of the subject as a girl, maybe change it to ‘When SHE walks into the room’ so it wouldn’t be awkward”

Nothing was coming in my mind. It wasn't processing any information right now that I had to reread the verses at least twice.

When he walks into the room, the corners of my eyes feed upon his image.

Gah, even if I do try to think of this as a woman, it’s his face that pops up in my mind because, I can well relate so much to this text it’s like, he planned in getting me to read this.

That’s it, I know what I have to say.

I shot my eyes up to the class then I stared at him before opening my mouth. I fixed myself on my seat readying myself to avoid getting flustered as I muttered these words:

“It talks about how a girl or a boy watches a stranger, it could even be someone he or she knows and likes that brightens up their day when that special person comes in. It’s as if, all the troubles in the world were washed away. The narrtor doesn’t care as long as the person they liked was there. The narrator has a one-sided love, and yet, they were satisfied just to see the very image of the person in front of them even if they can’t reach out to that person or even talk to them”

I bit my lips mentally laughing bitterly to myself, finding it rather distasteful that the text felt like it’s like I’m rubbing everything in my face using my own voice. The mere thought that the person in this text was like what I’m feeling with Kim Minseok, I’m just here watching from afar, but I can’t say that I somehow want to...talk to him...finding it rather difficult to...

Deciding to ditch whatever it was I was thinking of the professor, I continued. “And at this part, where the person that the narrator likes or loves goes away, the narrator finds that the person disappearing made it feel like the end of their world. The narrator was devastated that everything around them went crumbling down. This line over here, the mark of age spreads upon my visage means that even though it’s just been a while since the person left it, felt like forever. So you would see how deeply the narrator loves the person that they can’t bear the thought of just seeing him or her. The narrator wants the person but they know for whatever reason, they just can't.”

I know I can’t.

I want to approach Professor Minseok like the narrator in this story, but I can't for the sole reason of making a fool out of myself. if I mistake him for someone I met last summer. That is why, like the narrator, all I could do was watch from afar.

“That is all. Thank you”

The room was silent, their eyes were wide agape at me. I raised a questioning brow at them moreover to Sehun and Jongin who whispered that they didn’t know I had it in me to have such analytic skills - well, I'm a theatre actor of course I can read in between the lines! Not to brag.

Professor Kim Minseok broke the silence with a clap.  “A round of applause for your classmates everyone!”

Everyone cheered and applauded me. It was pleasing to see and hear. I know I always get applause from the stage after every performance but the mere fact he applauded me…

It was something.

“That's good Mr. Byun, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us” a mysterious glint in his eyes had my toes curling.

“Hey Minzy, the text really suits you!” one of the girls harked in class and everyone’s attention turned to them. “When Professor Minseok walks into the room you’re happy right? And when he walks out you-“

“S-shut up!” the girl with ponytails kicked the seat in front of her as she turned tomato red. The whole class whistled teasing Minzy.

Professor Minseok smiled, shyly staring down at his feet rubbing the nape of his neck, as for Minzy, she buried her face in her palms hiding her embarrassed face.

“Girls, calm down” Sehun groaned getting a bit annoyed with the girls giggling.

“You’re just jealous Sehun that we’re not cooing over you anymore” one of the girls said that committed an offense against Sehun who threatened to throw his pencil case at them but Jongin managed to stop him.

“Why does Minseok oppa have to be so handsome and charming?” they cooed and it only turned Professor Minseok’s face redder and that girl who said it hid herself behind her book as the others teased her for calling Minseok an oppa instead of professor.

“Alright class, settle down” he looked and winked that had them squealing once more.

I rolled my eyes at the girls. It was getting in my nerves and moreover the fact that we could see Professor Minseok clearly enjoying the attention. I scoffed and began to plug in my earphones where I can find solitude.

My mood was broken.

Damnit, the way he winked though…it was...for the lack of a better term: flawless.

No matter how hard I try to look at him and hope he would give me any signs that he remembers me there was no budge. I would just sit there and be normal-teacher-zoned. This was really bothering me and I have to get the to bottom of this.

I will ask him later.

If he remembers last summer, then will I get peace. If he doesn’t remember me then I’ll just move on.

I'm afraid. It's something I couldn't get a grasp of. 

Afraid of what exactly?

if he does remember me then...what am I going to do? That’s something I’m going to figure out.

“Can you believe this? They charged me double for this burger!” Sehun plopped down his tray as Jongin happily munched his burger. I on the other hand had my eyes set on something else.

Ms. Hyorin was walking side by side Professor Minseok again and it made me wonder what their relationship was aside the fact Professor Minseok mentioned they were best friends. My eyes trailed them, never leaving his figure when a strong tap from a backhand on my back caught my attention.

“Hey Baek, aren’t you going to eat?” Jongin points at my untouched plate.

“Ah, yes I will. Just…” my eyes fixated on Ms. Hyorin who took a bite from Professor Minseok’s spoon and I felt my chest tighten in pain. I almost choked on my words. “Just…not that hungry”

If he was the same guy I met last summer, surely he wouldn’t have cheated on his girlfriend? If Ms. Hyorin is Professor Minseok’s girlfiend.

“Goodbye Sir Ryeowook” I bowed, passing my papers at my English teacher who accepted it happily and bid me farewell.

Ah, that paper was a pain not because I had trouble in fixing my grammar in English but it was because my thoughts kept drifting to Ms. Hyorin and Professor Kim Minseok.

What is it with that man that he had this effect of driving me crazy? Byun Baekhyun, pull yourself together. Forget about him okay?

One, two…

Three.

I halted my steps stopping in front of Professor Minseok’s faculty room with his door left open.

He’s not there?

Temptation was calling me, seducing me to go inside and check it out. No, I will be a good student and I will not trespass. I promised I would just forget Professor Minseok.

Well, he left his door open. It’s not my fault that he did.

Heck, I’m going in.

Looking from left and right and gathering all my courage as soon as the coast was clear, I slipped into his office silently closing it. If anyone was to enter I would hear the doorknob twist first then I could hide somewhere.

It was a normal office, practically empty. It just had a large window behind covered with blinds, two large bookshelves on the left and a long couch on the right and of course what is an office without the teacher’s desk and chair.

Aha!

Maybe there was something here that could help me expose his identity and the mystery of last summer to be solved. A journal maybe that documented his travels?

I searched under the piles of papers on top of his desk found an item worth looking into. A brown journal buried below, this could be the key to find out if he really was the man I met in that bar. I cheered silently in my mind flipping the journal open searching for the date.

Just as I was about to reach the month I went away...

“Baekhyun?”

Oh shit.

“Baekhyun?”

Oh my fucking – I abruptly spun around on my heel, my heart pounding fast in my chest like a lion struggling to escape from a cage. How did he get in here without me hearing the door open? Ah! What was he doing here? Obviously it’s his faculty room but damnit, Professor Kim Minseok, I’ve got caught goddamnit! Moreover, I was still holding his journal.

He is going to kill me for snooping around his stuff.

How am I going to explain myself?

“I-I uh…” stop stammering Byun Baekhyun, get a hold of yourself. Don’t act guilty already! Never give up. You can do this.

He was just staring at me, I couldn’t tell if it was in utter disbelief or he was just surprised and worried to see me in his faculty room. I couldn’t bear seeing him like this, seeing me like this like some thief in the night.

“I-I’m sorry” was all I could say before briskly brushing pass over him heading towards the closed door where I was ready to run as fast as I could. I can’t face him, not right now. Not ever. Not after this.

As I was about to reach the door knob, I felt a powerful tug on my wrist, a spark that sent shivers everywhere in my body as he quickly spun me around to face him. Was I the only one who felt that static? Professor Minseok raised a quizzical brow at me. Of course, as a normal person one would question what I was doing in here without his permission.

“Hey wait a minute, I’m not going to bite. Was there something you needed?” he sounded so calm, I can’t believe it. He even managed to smile at me.

That godforsaken smile of his will be the death of me.

“I-I uh…” I cleared my throat gathering my thoughts properly “I-I was just” time to make a very lame excuse “Going to ask you about our reading assignment for the next meeting!”

“Oh, is that all?” Professor Minseok lets go of my wrist and heads over to his table carrying his coffee mug that exhumed this bittersweet fragrance.

“Well, I’ve got some Ryunosuke Akutagawa stories that I was planning to show you guys tomorrow” he said while digging in the pile of papers I just messed up and he didn’t seem to notice. Or he was mentally cursing me for it. “But I guess you came here earlier since you’re going for honors right?”

I laughed internally, completely relieved he wasn’t angry and he even managed to make a valid theory for an excuse of why I was here in the first place. Approaching me with a hand carrying the said story - ugh, even just coming to me he, the intimidating aura he was emitting was overwhelming. Sehun might be right, he might be a man from the mangas of Japanese people - I took the paper from him and he smiled.

“So, you’ll be on your way then?” he inquied returning to his table where he turned his back – those broad shoulders and his slender figure tempting me to grab hold of him from behind - fixing the papers and the journal in which he safely tucked in below it once more.

The journal.

No, I’m not going to leave this room without answers. Even though it frightens me to ask him, I really, really need to know. Because I'm slowly losing my sanity.

“Professor?” I whispered but he didn’t seem to hear me, clearing my throat I spoke louder “Professor”

“Mmm?” hie hums. He didn't turn his head to look at me, but he tilted his head to acknowledge that I had his attention.

“I-I…wanted to ask you something er…sir” my fingers began to tremble and my cheeks began to warm a little. Am I really going to push through with this?

“Sure, I bet I have an answer”

Here goes nothing, “Are you and Ms. Hyorin dating?”

Oh my fucking god. I asked the wrong question.

This time, he turned his head raising a very curious and ridiculed brow “Huh? That’s a weird question”

“Nothing, I was just curious” I bit back my lip.

“No, we’re not dating” he threw his head back laughing. Oh how his hair flipped beautifully complimenting his melodious laughter “Did Yixing ask you to do this? Well, you could tell him there’s nothing going on between me and Hyorin and if has the hots for Hyorin then he can go and court her if he likes”

That wasn’t the intended question and the answer I expected, but it did make me happier knowing that there wasn’t anything between them for he sounds so assuring about their relationship.

Now comes the second question racing in my mind. So it’s proven that they aren’t dating, that means there’s nothing to be guilty or nothing to hinder Kim Minseok for doing anything he likes.

For example: making love to a completely stranger last summer.

This was the perfect time to ask him, we were both alone, there weren’t much people in the faculty either only Mr. Wu and Mr. Ryeowook and their offices were in the far end. Nobody will overhear our conversations unless they barge in without permission.

“I know this might be out of place to ask but…” I fumbled with my fingers in a painstakingly nervous manner “…may I ask what you did last summer?”

Silence. 

Did I make a bad move? Everything got more and more awkward while the silence prolonged every second. His eyes narrowed, staring at me like I muttered something straight gibberish like a foreigner in a foreign country. I regret asking him the question, it’s not going anywhere.

“What are you talking about?” he sounded very concerned of my well being.

“You don’t remember anything?” I needed to continue this, I’m not just going to leave it there without knowing the truth if he knows or not. I know he's hiding something, I can feel it.

“Like what? I have so many memories of summer vacation” he snorted shaking his head at my ridiculousness.

“A particular happening in summer…?”

“Mr. Byun, get to the point already. I can’t answer you if you’re being vague about it” he leaned over to the table crossing his arms over his chest “Enlighten me”

Why does he have to smirk at me like that? His stance, his shoulders, his earring, everything about him just made my stomach tingle a weird sensation. I was speechless, I didn’t know how to say it to him, how to start this ridiculous story that maybe I've just conjured up in my wildest dreams.

I had to do the only way I can to get information out from him.

Without resisting my repressed urges, I approached him and pressed my lips over his, hoping this would enlighten him. God, the way our lips met , it sent waves of surging electricity throughout my whole body. My mind went blank, my heart beating faster and faster the longer I pressed onto that soft lips of his. It was all too vaguely familiar.

I could tell he was astonished the way his body tipped over back almost losing balance, luckily his hands found the desk propping himself up preventing himself to fall while I on the other hand, lost mine and our chests crashed together. Oh how my eyes fell as I relished the taste of him. His lips tasted of candy, jellybeans of every flavors anyone could think of with a mix of his bittersweet coffee. 

I was drowning. Drowning in this pool of warmth in my cheeks, the taste of his lips, his intoxicating scent. Slowly I was being transported into another world, into -

My eyes fluttered open. I was extremely disbelieved and shocked that I shoved myself off from him. His eyes were so wide and I couldn’t tell if it was also from disbelief or horror that I just did that to him.

Scared. I've never been so scared and ashamed in my life.

“I-I’m” how could I do this? “I-I’m…s-sorry”

I am so stupid. Very stupid.

Why did I do that? What a dick move!

I couldn’t bear see his face.

It’s like I was the most disgusting thing he ever saw in the universe.

So without further hesitation, I pulled the door open barging outside and ran out through the hallways like there was no tomorrow.

“Hey buddy, you alright?”

“Please let me in Sehun”

That night, I couldn’t stay at home. I couldn’t sleep for godsakes, I needed someone to be there with me and help me preoccupy my mind with something else. I knew if I went to Sehun’s place, he’d just give me video games to play with and video games never fail to help me be distracted.

A couple of beers weren’t so bad either.

“Are you…okay?” Sehun’s left eye twitched as I chugged down the third soju in my hand – which I drank without stopping.

“Who, me?” I hiccoughed grinning foolishly at Sehun “Yes! Of course I am!”

“I think you’d be better if I take that soju from you”

“No! Get your own!”

“I would if I could, if only you didn’t finish them all” he gestures to the empty bottles of soju in front of us.

“Oh hush it, let’s just play motherfucking Grand Theft Auto dude!” I went back pressing the buttons on my controller as my character hits and runs  over a person “Yeah! Kill that dude! Kill that dude!”

“Baekhyun…I think you need some sleep, I am deeply concerned” Sehun reached his hand out to me trying to calm me down but to no avail. I just flailed my arms to keep him from touching me, “On second thought sure! Keep on killing that poor man on the road with your bulldozer of a car”

That night, I slept over in Sehun’s house. I was too drunk to go home so Sehun coerced my mother that I should just sleepover in his house. Thank goodness though, with their bickering, my head would hurt twice as more than it is now with what I did with Kim Minseok.

“You know Baekhyun, I’m really deeply concerned for you” Sehun rubbed the nape of my neck as we huddled over my desk with a curious Jongin drumming his fingers. My hangover was not helping me in my mood to talk to them either.

“Tell it to me already! What happened last nigh Sehun?” Jongin impatiently shook Sebroody.

“Sehun, please don’t” I covered myself with the collar of my uniform like a snail hiding inside its shell. What I did last night was embarrassing.

Sehun told me the moment we went to his room I was kissing the pillow until my saliva made a permanent mark on it and not only that, he said I was moaning. Sehun thought it was because I was hurting from all the soju I drank but when I heard it from him I knew exactly what I was thinking and it only made me feel more ashamed of myself.

The gossips were cut short when his dreaded figure came inside carrying his satchel and papers. I didn’t look at him but when I did get a glance, he looked very different; his eyes were bloodshot, his face as white as a sheet, his usual perfectly ironed necktie was not even tied properly and his hair was messier than ever.

Is this the result of the storm I caused yesterday?

“Sorry I’m late class, I was…caught in traffic” he brushed his hair up letting out a heavy sigh digging deep into his bag.

I frowned at the sight of him and I vow not to torment him any longer so the whole period I kept my eyes on his desk rather than his face as he exhaustedly discussed the story for today. And I could tell he also wasn’t looking at me due to hearing Jongin cursing beside me on how Professor Minseok was never taking a glance at our side whenever he raises his hands to recite in class. For all I know, it’s mainly because of me.

At the cafeteria where I would usually look at him, I was surprised not to even see him sit in the teacher’s table beside Professor Hyorin who happily munched on her meal.

One of the girls near our table wondered – like me – where did our handsome professor go?

“I heard he went out of school to eat” one said loud enough for me to hear her perfectly.

“I wish I knew where! I could’ve eaten outside too instead of eating this overpriced cafeteria junk”

Was I the cause of this too?

Ugh, very dumb move Baekhyun. Dumb move.

Now you’ve just ruined a teacher because of your delusion.

Stupid, stupid me.

A few days have passed and it was the same thing over and over. We would never have any eye contact nor would we even speak to each other unless he calls out for the attendance. We would never even cross paths. If I see him coming towards the hallways I would immediately change my route just for to prevent him from seeing me. I don’t also want to risk seeing him scoff or glare at me or even see him runaway from just the mere sight of me too.

I hate to admit it, but I miss catching him looking at me. When I do get a chance to stare at him, I would always go back into staring at his pink lips and unknowingly I would poke mine as if I was reliving the taste of it.

It was odd at first when I started to day dream about Professor Minseok. I used to just think about Professor Minseok for the sole reason of solving the mystery of last summer but as time went by, the more and more he crosses my mind, the more and more I began to...look at him differently. 

I began to admire his unusual brown eyes, the way his thin lips moved, the way he twists and turns. I grew fond of his annoying high pitch voice too in all honesty. And his shoulders, his broad shoulders were breath taking as well.

And the more and more I absorb the little things about him, I have started to grow and develop this strange feeling.

I think…

I think I'm starting to like him.

I think I like Professor Kim Minseok more than I know.

And now, I’m stuck hating myself because I know I’ll never be able to talk to him.

I guess this was a blessing to me, an important note that I should forget about him and just get through my senior life.

“Baekhyun, we’re going to my house and play Resident Evil, want to come with?” Sehun said by the doorway of the classroom with some of our other classmates.

I held up my broom and dustpan and they got the message clearly, “I can’t, it’s my turn for cleaning day”

“Oh I see. Catch up later if you still want to come” and with that, they slid the door close and went on their way to Sehun’s house.

“Okay, I’ll just be here cleaning” I told myself and began to arrange the chairs. These girls really, they never learn how to bring back the chairs to it’s original place. They always have to arrange it in a circle like they have a secret group or a cult or something and to be fair, my other boy classmates never learned how to throw the trash to the actual waste bins either.

Cleaning duty was boring. I never liked being neat. So to make my time worthwhile and somehow be fun, I turned on the music from my cellphone and got it on shuffle. Music after music I was able to clean the classroom swift and tidy without any distractions. Feeling proud of myself, I took off the cleaning apron and shoved the broom and dustpan back in the broom closet.

The massive amount of dust particles from the closet sent me sneezing that it deafened my ears for a moment without realizing that someone had already slipped into the room.

“Bless you”

Like it was already programmed in me, I once more leapt at the sound of his voice and I quickly turned around and saw his unamused face. Frankly, I think he was used to seeing me always frightened like this.

What is he doing here?

I didn’t know what to say. It’s been a week since we last spoke with each other or even looked at each other in the eye ever since that day when I shamelessly kissed him in his office. The closest thing we ever had to interact was the attendance sheets.

Do you sometimes wish you could bang your head with a frying pan when remembering the most ridiculous and embarrassing moment of your life? I wanted it to happen to me right now,

I shook off that thought and began to ask myself this question: What does he want?

He was just standing there, his left hip leaning onto the desk beside him still holding that unreadable blank expression. I have no idea what he was thinking about nor have any idea what he was doing, all I know was I just wanted to slowly turn around and avert my eyes from him.

Slowly turning my head to face the broom cabinet, I was alarmed when I was suddenly being pulled to be spun around and pushed against the wall. I let out a sharp gasp wincing at the pain on my back when it got in contact with the cold wall.

I gasped for air as he began to press his chest harder onto mine as if he wanted to suffocate me against the wall. He buried his face on the crook of my neck which made me shudder in both fear and delight as his hot breath blew onto my sensitive skin. I gulped, feeling his hand snake around my waist pulling me closer to him as he lifted his head over to my ears.

“I do remember…” he whispered so intimately close to my blushing ears. His hot breath had my knees grow weak. I was going to melt in his arms any moment if he keeps on pressing onto me like this.

“W-what…do you…remember” I gasped and bucked up the moment his lips pressed on my neck. I swallowed hard.

“This” he hardened his kiss on my neck, sucking every patch of new skin being exposed as he pulled down my collar, his lips wet traveled everywhere wanting to leave hickeys like some territorial dog. He must’ve felt me weaken in his arms for he pulled me up adjusting my legs to hang on his waist.

I wanted to push him away. What if people catches us pinned together like a sandwich by the wall?

He clicked his tongue shaking his head, sensing me harden as he pressed harder. “You’re a naughty one aren’t you?”

His hands then began to unbutton my shirt opening it, exposing my chest and stomach in which he dove in to peck butterfly kisses. A pool of uncontrollable sensation in my stomach swirled inside.

It felt like this. Exactly like this.

My blood was boiling hot as it rushed through every course of my veins like the speed of light. This was wrong, this was really, really wrong.

So wrong, but it felt all oh so good.

The moment he went to press on the buttons of my pants, I knew I had to stop him. I yanked his hair back gripping it tightly to catch his attention and there, I felt myself shiver in fear.

Those eyes. His eyes were filled with nothing but lust, delight and need. He looked as if he had won a secret bet between us. He knew I've lost the moment I kissed him and "stiffened" for him and now, I've fallen into his trap.

“What’s the fuss?” he asked it in a hoarse whispering voice almost a dark melodious sing-song.

“Y-you remember” my voice was now but a faint whisper. I didn’t even know I could sound like that.

Minseok pressed his chin onto my chest, staring up at me a lustful grin forming on the edge of his lips. “I tried my best to forget about it”

“F-forget?”

“Mhmm” he hummed, the vibration of his throat tickled my stomach only making my core harden more and more. Ah, with just that simple act I was already this hard for him, goddamnit. "You see, when I saw you the first day you came to school I knew you looked very familiar, until I saw your flushing face then I instantly recognized you” 

Professor Minseok sighed, slowly putting me down to the ground but he never stopped cornering me, his eyes resides in giving me a lazy look. He placed each of his hands beside my head so that I couldn’t escape if I had any intention to.

“It’s been a long time, I didn’t even have the slightest memory about that night until I saw you. only then did everything came back to me. After that, I keep trying to forget all about it since I’m going to be your teacher” he then pinched my cheeks with his hands so I could look at him directly in the eyes. “But you just had to keep on showing up everywhere. Tempting me with that always flustered face of yours” he began to take my mouth into his tongue gliding over the bottom of my lip. “And when I thought I could handle everything by just remaining calm, you just had to show up and kiss me right?”

Minseok then pulled me close dragging me to a nearby desk where he pins my back on it as he straddled on top of me. My eyes began to see flashes of images of the same scene when we were in that hotel. I could hear the heavy breathing, the sound of rapid shifting under the sheets.

This isn’t happening. Not here, not in school.

Not now.

But...I couldn't find any urge to stop him.

Minseok slipped his leg in between mine pressing his thigh over my core where I bucked up, overwhelmed at the action. He stopped my surprised groans with another kiss in hopes to shut me up and muffle me from further moaning. There it was again, that intoxicating taste of his made my eyes roll back completely shut. My hands automatically clung to his neck letting my head hung, our lips were so glued together that we didn't break even when pulling his head up. He smelled so good that it filled my head with so much wonder.

He pulled away from the kiss and I was sent back crashing my head onto the desk hard. He arched himself back to get a better look at me from the top. My hands automatically, as if begging then travelled onto his well built stomach, to his chest wherein he wrenched my wrists back onto the desk. 

“Why do you tempt me with that face of yours?” he grumbles, almost frustratingly more to himself than to me.

Minseok then pushes himself away from me and turns around fixing his collar and tie and when he did so, I caught a glimpse of the cold breeze. Am I sweating?

Getting fresh air, I pulled myself up to look at his broad shoulders.

“Let me ask you this question” he said still not turning his back from me “Why do you want to know if I remembered what we did last summer?”

 Actually at first I just wanted to know if he remembered me. But now, I was not entirely sure why.

“I just wanted to know if you remembered me”

“Is that all?” Professor Minseok gave me a disappointed look as he adjusted his neck tie.

“W-well…yeah,”

“Nothing else?”

Was there something else?

Professor Minseok stared at me for a long while before bursting out in laughter, placing his hands over his hips shaking his head in negation.

“Holy shit, you don’t remember!”

Remember? Remember what?! Was there more to it than having sex with you!?

I didn’t trust my voice so I just shook my head telling him a no.

“Wha-what do you mean?” I sat up straight wanting to hear what he has to say.

“It’s the past. Nothing to worry about” he came close buttoning up my shirt for me then he abruptly tugs my uniform close enough that our lips would touch any moment if we move. “Let’s just leave it all behind shall we? I’d rather we forget it, all of this, starting from what happened last summer, arraseo?”

He lets go of me and placed a teasing smirk as he started dusting himself. I just sat on top of that desk trying to catch my breath.

What was that?

It was unbelievable. I could feel my whole body trembling to the point that it was getting uncontrollable. Did the room just get hotter or is it just me? I didn’t know how to describe it but…

“It’s best we forget arraseo?” Professor Minseok stood by the door peaking over to look at me. “Tomorrow, we go on with our lives as a teacher and a student. Nothing more”

W-wait! I need to know what happened. I need to know why-

“Goodbye Byun Baekhyun, it was nice seeing you again” he gave a mischievous smirk then closed the sliding door behind him leaving a speechless startled me.

When he walked out of the room, I didn’t know how to describe it but, the way he held me, the way he kissed me, looked at me...

There was just something more to it.

Who was he really? What kind of person is he? He is a stranger I met in the bar yes that is given, but what more is there to him besides that he is a professor in my school?

So, I went to everyone’s best friend: Google where I searched his name.

“Kim Minseok”

I typed it on the words and there were numerous data entries and pictures on the internet. There were ahjusshis, children and I couldn’t see any entry other than being a Professor in my school right now. I sighed, leaning back on my chair.

Was there another keyword to find this guy?

Then I remembered the first day I went to school he wanted us to call him Professor Xiumin and that’s what I typed on the search bar. Upon pressing enter, there were various sites containing his name all labelled: Searching for Xiumin, 25, and many other descriptions about him. I opened a couple of tabs before I delved into the google images where I found every picture of his was either taken down or blurred and same goes to the websites which automatically blocked me off.

Now, this was really stirring my curiosity.

Who is Kim Minseok and who is Xiumin anyway?

What did he do before?

“Baekhyun hyung!”

Jongin called out, running towards me from the field. I quickly closed my laptop, smiling brightly at the team captain of the Baseball Club.

“Jongin-ssi what’s up?”

“Me and the guys” he pointed over to the group of men sprinting across the field “were planning on grabbing some dinner after our practice so I guess I won’t be able to go by Sehun’s house. If you want, you can come with us and hang-out and I’ll just call up Sehun”

I peered down on my laptop, the blinking light tempting me to open it. Kim Minseok was truly getting overboard with getting me all worked up and paranoid that I was grateful to hear Jongin's offer. Maybe a time with the Baseball Team Captain can help clear my thoughts.

“Sure, I’ll come with you guys and eat dinner,” I smiled “I still have a lot of time so, I’ll just use my laptop as I wait for you guys”

“Sure! I’ll tell the guys” Jongin jumped from the bleachers and ran across the field to meet up with the others high-fiving them.

Now that Jongin left, I opened my laptop returning on my progress. I needed to talk to Professor Minseok but I won’t allow it to be in the faculty room or else someone would barge in on us, and of course, I will not allow us to be seen talking in the classroom. Sehun, Jongin and the other girls would raise suspicions and will surely enjoy the heavy blend of intrigue and be thoroughly inquisitive about us. Now, I wouldn't want that.

I need to talk to him alone. Somewhere like…

Aha!

I clicked on one of the links in the class offerings sections of our website where the list of Professors who has tutoring lessons after class could be found. I could enroll in one of his tutoring classes and there I would bombard him with the questions.

With one click, I quickly rushed to the registrar’s office.

“Professor Kim Minseok’s six o’clock please” I said to the registrar lady who chewed on her bubble gum “I enrolled in his six o’clock class”

“Ah, tutor?” the lady asked and I nodded earnestly “You’ll pay an extra since after class tutoring is outside of school, you know that right?”

What? Outside school?

“P-pardon me?”

“Yes! Didn’t you read the description?” she glares at me when pulling out a paper, sliding it under the glass that separated us wherein I picked it up and began to read it “Kid, you picked a tutorial after class and since our school classrooms close by five forty-five, we don’t have any open rooms for the professor and the student to conduct tutorials, so you have to meet up with Professor Kim Minseok and discuss where you two should have your tutorials”

Chincha!? Really?

And here I thought I was just going to use my element of surprise and bombard him about it but now, I have to actually arrange the surprise meet up. He’ll think I’m setting this up because I wanted to see him again for other reasons.

This does not bode well.

“The school’s rooftop? Really?” Professor Kim Minseok sounded so downhearted brow as he placed his things behind the large crates where I had arranged them to look like walls secluding us from the open space.

Ah! It’s so cold, why did I choose our session to be up here?

“I-I have no other place where I know we could easily meet up” I was shivering from the cold gust blowing through my skin.

He sighed, scratching the back of his head “Well, at least it’s quiet up here”

Professor Minseok took out a huge book for Literature opening it to browse any stories that he could find. It didn’t take a while before he raised his head as  he sensed that I was feeling uneasy and a little anxiety visible in plaguing my face. He grinned at me with a knowing gaze.

“What?”

“Nothing, I’m just waiting” I said plainly, successfully hiding the nervousness of my voice.

He chuckled “Really now?”

My face flushed, he’s onto me. “Yes really”

“You sure there’s nothing else you want to get out from this tutoring?” he rested his chin on his knuckles “You specifically picked me when there’s three of us tutoring professors who has Literature lessons”

“It’s because I know you more than I know them” safe answer, safe answer.

“Do you?” he gave me a teasing playful grin. I only meant I know him more than the random teachers, but he’s diving into the idea that I know him as who he is which is exactly the reason why I was here.

To get to know the real him.

I can sense him playing the game and I won’t back down from it. I will attack him headstrong and get straight to the point, I will not leave here learning about Romeo and Juliet.

“What is your goal Byun Baekhyun, I can see it in your eyes that you have one”

“My goal?" I narrowed my eyes, challenging him. “My goal is to know”

“To know what?”

“What really happened last summer and to know who you really are Professor Minseok, Xiumin, whatever!”

He smirked rubbing down his palms on his face “I thought I told you that we drop this, but I guess I wasn’t clear enough”

Taking the book in his hands, he skimmed through it before closing it in his hands. He sighed, raising his head to direct his eyes onto mine. I faced him with a stoic look, unmoved even though deep inside I wanted to scream into the night sky heavens of how much I wanted to get this unnerving feeling off from me.

He bit his lip, “It’s a very clever thing Byun Baekhyun what you did to get me as your tutor. Seeing you so persistent on what happened, I will tell you the story”

I wasn't entirely sure to trust this. I knew there was more to it. “So, what’s the catch?”

There is always a catch.

“I’m glad you asked” he leans back on the crate wall behind him crossing his leg over the other while folding his hands on top of his lap, breathing in the cold night deeply “Here’s the thing, let’s make it both interesting and educational”

I don’t know what he’s thinking but I’m in, I will not go down without a fight.

“I’ll give you thirty minutes to read this story” he held out a three pager story in his hands “I will ask you a question from it. When you get it right, I will tell you what happened last summer”

“And if I get it wrong?”

He swatted the nothingness in the air his forehead creasing. “Nah, I don’t think you can handle it. Let’s just study-“

“What if I get the wrong answer? What will the consequence be!” I slammed my palms onto the table-like crate in between us. He’s teasing me, it’s getting on my nerves! I can’t take this. The agony and anxiety of not knowing anything about him and what had happened is suffocating me already.

“I will do whatever it takes!”

He cocked a brow up, “You will?”

I shouldn’t have said that. The way the corners of his mouth curved and that mysterious twinkle in his eyes were not a good sign.

“This technique of teaching that I have developed will certainly give you the power to study hard” his voice was small and raw “Believe me, it will push you to your limits”

I gulped down a heavy chunk of saliva. Well, ain't this reassuring. I nodded as he continued, listening intently to every word he has to say “Whatever it is, I am up for it”

“Good. As I’ve said, if you get an answer correct, I will tell you a piece of the story so aim everything to be correct because I only have ten questions”

“And the consequence for getting the wrong answer?”

“You will take off one by one per wrong answer a piece of your clothing”

“C-come again?” I instantly froze in my seat, that haughty mask of mine quickly crumbling down exposing a rather shameful and frightened version of myself.

“Already?” he chuckled. A sexual joke. Seriously? I glared at him for quite a long time before he got my irritated message, “You heard me” he threw his head back onto the crate, staring up to the twilight sky the vast ocean of darkness was slowly eating the periwinkle sunlight. He runs a hand through his hair revealing that beautiful forehead of his “If you commit a wrong answer, you take off one of your clothes”

“Ten questions!? If I get them wrong I’ll be left without anything on!” I stared at my clothing to find my uniform, my pants, my belt, my shoes and socks, bracelet and my underwear – god I hope it doesn’t come to that – as the only things coveringmy body. If I exceed seven wrong answers, I will be left with nothing!

I should have worn a jacket and a couple of bling-blings today.

“If you won’t agree to the terms, then sorry! We’re not going to discuss about last summer” he leaned forward to the book in between us. “Now, about the lesson-“

Using my index finger, I lifted his chin to look me in the eyes. Determination filled me. I didn’t come all this way only for my objective to be shoved away. I came here to extract information and no game is going to hinder me from obtaining it.

Moreover, I need to get that information now before I go out to dinner with Jongin and his baseball teammates.

“Challenge accepted”

“Now, you’re speaking my language”

How did it come to this?

I barely have anything on right now. I only have my underwear and my pants on. I can’t believe I got the wrong answers six times in a row!

“Another piece off again?” Professor Minseok grinned, his chin rested on his knuckles eyeing me with those lurid eyes of his as if I was some kind of prey under a lion’s hungry gaze. Just by the mere fact of his eyes, I felt like he was stripping me blindly already.

I felt my cheeks heat up as I hesitantly slid my shirt off. The wind’s cold breath tickled my skin sending me waves of the blasted cold as I shivered before it.  If I keep going and get the wrong answers, I don’t know whether I’ll take off my underwear first so that I could still be covered with my pants or take my pants first and expose my underwear. Hell, that’d be awkward as fuck. While I was sitting here all worked up and worried for my life, Kim Minseok was rather enjoying himself.

“Baekhyun, are you even trying? You’re already half-naked!” he clicked his tongue. I know what he meant about it. He thinks I'm doing this willingly? Hell no!

“Four more questions to go and you only have two life savers, you know you can just give up now and wear your clothes back. You don’t want to study being naked in the cold rooftop at night right?” Kim Minseok bit his lips licking the bottom part of it “Or, you’re really committing errors because you so badly want to strip?"

I didn't ask for this!

Should I just give up now and leave the mystery already? I can’t bare the thought of Minseok keep on boggling my mind, it’ll haunt me forever if I never find out about the truth! If I keep on going…who knows what will happen. Will he embarrass me? Leave me here in the cold? Or-

My eyes followed his tongue gliding over his lips as if he was seducing me the longer I watched. No, I have to get my game on. I need to win even just once.

“I will keep going” I slammed my palm on top of his book.

“Alright then” he took the paper in his hands looking at me then to the paper then back at me twisting that pencil over his fingers as he searched for a question “Ah, here I have one”

He encircles something from the paper. I held my breath, anticipating what's the question.

“I hope you remember this Byun Baekhyun. It’s a vital question”

Inhaling and clearing my mind, I conditioned myself, getting ready for the question. If I ace this, I’ll have an information drawn out from him. If I don’t, well…I don't want to imagine.

“According to the short chapter of the Little Prince you read, what was the one thing the Little Prince loved to watch the most?”

What did he loved to watch the most, what did he love to watch the most?

I tapped my fingers as I stared up the sky hoping I could find answers. This is killing me, I need to know the answer for this one!

“Take your time Byun Baekhyun, take your time” he chuckled, browsing through the book he brought out “Your clothes depend on it” he was oblivious that I shot him a look of irritation when he stuck his nose onto the pages of the book.

The Little Prince mentioned a lot of things he loved and the only thing coming into ming was his little rose he cares for so fondly. But I know, it wasn't the rose. It was something else.

What is something that could mesmerize a child?

“The sunset” I blurted out hoping it was a good guess. Professor Kim Minseok didn’t look up to me as he continued to hum so I screamed it to catch his attention “The Sunset, the Little Prince loves to watch the sunset!”

Kim Minseok raised his eyes at me. He was quiet for the moment and only the echoes of my heart pounding hard in my chest could be heard, did I get it wrong? Did I get it right?

“Yes, the sunset” he responded, a twinge of congratulations in his tone and I mentally rejoiced in my head. Thank god I got it right this time.

“Yes!” I fist pumped the air.

“The sunset,” he said that made me shut up and listen to him. Was he going to tell me a portion of the story now? His eyes were directed at the sky while his finger poked his lip “The sunset was the first thing you talked to me about and the last thing we watched before we went back inside the bar” after that, he gave a long pause “Next question”

“Wait, what?” I blinked hard. Bewilderment rising from the cockles of my mind. “That’s it? That’s the story I got from answering a question?”

“Yes, and I congratulate you for getting one”

“But that doesn’t explain anything! You gave me a sentence of the story, I need to know more!”

“Well, you have three more attempts to get the rest. Too bad you missed the first six questions. Piecing up the sentences would’ve been much more fun” Professor Minseok snorted, flipping a page. He raised his brows as he found a new question from the page.

Goddamnit. I have three attempts. Three sentences to piece up the story. Three questions that separates me from the truth. I have to get this right. I need to. I want to. I have to.

“It’s a good thing you answered that right Baekhyun, you get to keep your remaining clothes on” he teased which earned him an admonishing glare from me, but he ignored it “Now, the next question is, in the Little Prince, who is the Tippler?”

Tippler, Tippler, Tippler.

I know this one. A Tippler is…

“A Tippler in English is a habitual drunkard so that means, he’s a drinker” I said and I was very confident about it. Thank you Professor Ryeowook for always giving us English vocabularies!

“Ding-ding! That’s correct” Professor Minseok clapped his hands. “The Tippler is a drunkard who drinks to forget. That night, after we watched the sunset we went inside the bar where we toasted to forgive and forget everything drinking to our hearts content”

“Forgive and forget?” I cocked a brow, “What did we do to toast something like that? What did we talk about? How did we meet?”

He shook his head in negation “Hey, I’m the one who’s asking questions. If you need answers dear inquisitor, I will tell it to you if you get the questions right”

I was getting really impatient that I didn’t realize I slammed my fists on the crate in front of us, leaning towards him with flaring eyes. I fumed, my ears turning red with all the irritation I had cooped up inside me for the past eight questions. He was toying with me, he doesn’t want to expose the truth, no. He just gives away meaningless stories that will forever boggle my mind!

“Whoa there tiger” he placed a very warm palm over my shoulder that sent electricity to surge across my body. His hands were so warm that the cold air that brushed against my bear skin were instantly blocked off. He pushed me back down but I didn’t let him, trying my best to repress his hand.

“Professor, I need to know” I demanded.

He grins with eyes puncturing through mine “What if I don’t want to?”

Seriously!? I scoffed. I'm getting tired with these stupid teasing games. If I continue, I will surely be naked on top of here and who knows if he’ll blackmail me. Still, I don’t trust him and I just want a quick answer.

“I need to know please”

He shook his head.

Argh! I pushed him pinning his back on the crates as I leapt. “Why? Why aren’t you telling me? What’s the big deal?!”

“I think you better quiet down”

“Tell me first!”

“Baekhyun”

“Don’t Baekhyun me! Answer me! What happened!?" I was yelling at his face until my lungs would burst.

“Baekhyun. Stop”

“What did you mean by all of those things? What happened? Just tell me so I could be in peace!” I was basically shouting at him now, not caring whether he was older than me, not caring if all my spit was all over his face. He was pissing me off real bad.

Professor Minseok winced, his smile disappearing. He abruptly shoved me aside standing up from his seat. He brushed his sleeves and adjusted his collar before shooting me a narrow look. Minseok clicked his tongue before packing his stuff, “Tutorial’s over. See you next week” he closed his suitcase and grabbed his books before turning his back to me and stepped away from the crates.

Hell no you’re going away!

I jumped to my feet, putting on my shirt and chased him just as his hands grab onto the metallic door. I grabbed his wrist and instantly with his incredible brute force jerked my hands off of him. I went to grab his suitcase next but with a mere force of pushing me away, it sent me flying and tumbling down on my bum. I didn’t stop there though, I raced to the door and stood guarding it. I will not let him pass through. Kim Minseok glared, never missing a step as he tried to push me off from the exit door.

“I won’t let you go. Not until I get all the answers, even if I have to fight you to the death, I would” I groaned, struggling to win this fight.

He looked me straight in the eyes, those cold, dark brown eyes were blank. I couldn’t read his face and it frightened me. What could he be thinking? What could he be saying in his thoughts? Recollecting myself, I relaxed and tried to give him a small smile.

“If you could tell me…” I muttered quietly closing my eyes “I would appreciate it if you could tell me what happened and I promise, I will no longer torment you”

He shoved his hand in his pocket for a moment, staring off into the sky. The rooftop fell silent for a very long time – except the cars and the wind that started picking up – and it made me all the while nervous. He didn’t take his eyes off from the horizon not until I stated to speak.

“Professor-“

“You shouldn’t have made me your tutor” he whispers as the words on his tongue fell silent. His eyes returned darting onto mine, a flicker of regret filled his expression “I shouldn’t have talked to you in the classroom” he shook his head in negation, sighing heavily as he started pushing me aside, continuing on to lash out all of the sadness that echoed in his voice recalling everything that had to do with last summer “I shouldn’t have told you that I remembered. I shouldn’t have pursued. You shouldn’t have kissed me. I shouldn’t have-“

Regret. It was obvious in his tone. The calm mask he was wearing, shattered.

What was there to regret? What happened to us last summer?

“Professor Minseok-“

He grabbed the door’s metallic handle and froze in place. He stood there, like a statue. Not making even a single inch of movement. I wanted him to turn around to look at me, to talk to me. Tell me what was wrong. Why was he saying these things all of a sudden?

“I want you to forget everything” he whispered under his breath, quietly enough that I couldn’t hear much. “I want…to forget everything”

“Professor-“ he cuts me off when he spun around and the face he made…it made my heart sink. His eyes pinched, almost as if he looked tired. Tired of his thoughts. Tired of himself.

Tired of seeing me.

Why is he acting this way? What did we do last summer that he wants to forget?

“If I tell you…” he spoke slowl,y his voice was exasperated as if he didn’t want to even say these things out but managed to convince himself to do it. “What would you do?”

“In all honesty..." I mumbled more to myself than to him. I stared down to my feet and bowed my head unsure whether I had answers. "I don’t know…”  

What if I do learn about the truth? What then? If I learn it, will I be happy about it? Be ashamed about it? Maybe that’s why Professor Minseok doesn’t want me to know. Maybe he’s just saving me from my own embarrassment?

“Why did you kiss me?”

Now that was a question I don't think I'll be able to answer right now. My heart stopped and instantly my face spread warmth with nervous fingers clawing the nape of my neck. What am I going to tell him?

I don’t know what I feel for Professor Minseok. I've tried convincing myself that all of these thoughts about him, were just created because of the problems I've been facing everyday with the neglect from my mom and dad's love. I convinced myself that this was the effect of loneliness, abandonment that I was searching for something to find as a distraction.

Do I really like him? I barely even know him. And yet everything he does, it makes me happy. 

When he smiles, when he speaks, when he walks into the room. I just feel so...contented.

I've noticed that ever since I started to notice all his little things. Ever since he crossed my mind, I wasn't just starting to piece the puzzles of the mystery of last summer by finding more about him but I found myself starting to want to know more about him for I was slowly...getting attracted to him. 

Whenever he’s away, he takes my happiness with him and I am left with nothing. I feel empty, hollow even but deep down, I’m confused to what it is. Maybe what I feel for him is just lust? Is it because we had sex that I feel somewhat attached to him? Connected? Is it because we had something special that night that I suddenly feel responsible of looking out for him, search for him…care for him?

Noticing that I didn’t respond for quite a long time, he frowns and started to reach back to the handle of the door not until the weirdest took place. I was shocked to see my hand unknowngly went to grab his arm and pull him back tugging him gently as if my muscles were involuntarily calling him back and stay. To stay with me.

Professor Minseok cocked a bewildered brow up, fluttering his eyes to me awaiting for an explanation. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Not even a small peep of a noise escaped from my lips. I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to him. Why did I pull him back?

Was I scared that he was going to leave me here alone like he did last time in the hotel room? In the classroom where he left me dazed and clueless? Am I scared knowing that he is thinking of Ms. Hyorin? Was I scared that I wouldn’t have an opportunity like this to be alone with him after tonight? Or was I really, really just a desperate son of a bitch that wants Professor Kim Minseok?

Either way, I couldn't comprehend my actions right now. I was confused. Confused of everything because of one man in front of me. My mind was slowly getting disoriented.

Unaware of how it happened, I unconsciously pushed him to the wall and took his lips into mine. My eyes closed and tasted every bit of the sweet intoxicating flavour of his mouth. I felt his muscles tense and once again I snapped back to reality opening my eyes in pure shock and saw his face reflecting the same image of what I felt at the moment.

I felt horrible, harrowing, disgusted with myself. I covered my mouth with my wrist trying to stop the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. I’m embarrassed, ashamed, apologetic everything you could say from a very idiotic act I just committed. Anything that could take back what I just did to him. Once again, I attacked him, invaded his personal space all because I was desperate to know. Desperate to find out the truth.

Desperate to get this surging feeling off from my chest.

Desperate to satisfy the "lust" I feel towards him.

“I-I’m so, so, sorry” my voice sounded weak, regretful, remorseful. Pathetic. “I’m sorry professor”

I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see his reaction. I know he would be pissed, horrified and heck, I was just waiting for the metallic doors of the rooftop to open and slam right in front of me. I would be relieved if that would happen but it would come with a price and that price would be exchanged with me never ever to be able to talk to him again.

I'll be fine with that. I prefer him avoiding me rather than hating me. But...I don't think I can handle it.

A minute or so had passed and there was no sound of the door opening and slamming. Instead, what happened next took me by surprise.

My eyes opened at the rush of electricity bolting from his lips brushing over mine. He cupped my face with his free hand pulling me closer deepening the kiss. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening, I thought he was going to get angry and leave me here and yet, here he was with his eyes closed and our lips touching.

Why did he kiss me? I thought he never wanted to do anything with me? I thought he wants to forget? All of those questions immediately vanished when my mind became hazy and the world spun around and my heart overflowed with blood pumping all over my body and my eyes shut at the moment the blood came rushing to my head.

My palms began to sweat, I felt myself weaken and second by second I was melting. I heard him drop his suitcase and with the other free hand he pulled me just in time before I could fall off from breaking our kiss. He wrapped his arm around my waist allowing more access, pushing his mouth harder that grew more and more impatient and chaste kisses. I couldn’t stand properly, his scent intoxicated me. It was like, I was under his spell and there was no way of reversing it.

He broke our kiss to look at me. His eyelids were half closed and his face was white as a sheet. A trickle of sweat fell from his temples and his lips were left wet with both of our aggressive kissing – he shook his head, not wanting to believe what he had done, but found himself leaning into another kiss. He took off once again pecking my lips thrice before finally letting go. He gently pushes me away and tried his best to avoid my gaze as he picked up his briefcase.

I had so many questions to ask him, but based from his actions, I think I should save them for another day. He packed his belongings and adjusted his tie, clearing his throat after. I looking at his side profile and I swear I could see a small smile curving from the edge of his lips as he said: “Goodbye”

And with that, he closed the door behind him and left me standing alone once again.

Jongin and his baseball teammates were all waiting by the baseball field. They were fresh and clean after taking a bath in the shower rooms. They greeted me warmly and we all hurriedly went to the parking lot and drove with one of Jongin’s dongsaengs who had a pick-up truck. Some of us rode inside the vehicle while half, including myself rode in the back. They were all laughing, throwing their hands in the air and some of them even stood up waving to the other cars who were passing by and the other drivers weren’t so pleased to see students doing something dangerous on the road.

With all their energy, I couldn’t keep up with them. Usually I would laugh and play along with the kids, but right now...I just needed the wind to be my companion.

We went to have a simple dinner at McDonalds ordering McRibs – a very affordable and worth it meal I would say – and the chattering never ceased. The baseball team had heaps and loads of stories to talk about. Most of the stories bored me off. I couldn’t care about people I didn’t know. Some were of course worth my interests to be honest. But those were not the stories I wanted to hear, and I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to get it out of him even if I tried my hardest.

For example: Why did he kiss me back and didn't scream at me after saying all those things of forgetting me, the list of his regrets?

I want to know the truth. How many times must I have to say that?

And I also…want to be with him after what had happened. I want to feel him again. Want to be in his arms. Hear his voice.

I felt it. In that brief kiss, I felt something from him. A connection.

How will I be able to survive the weekend now?

Unconditional, unconditionally. I will love you unconditionally.

For the rest of the day I lie here quietly listening to Katy Perry’s Unconditionally. To be honest, I wasn’t planning on listening to the song not until my phone shuffled and played this. I immediately stopped practicing my auditions for MID School of Artistry and sunk to my bed as the images of Professor Kim Minseok’s face emerged from my mind. His sweet voice echoed in my ears, his smile blinded my eyes and his scent suddenly began to come back to my nose. I couldn’t get my mind off from Professor Minseok after that. I could still feel his lips on me even as if now I poked my lips, the feeling lingered.

“I want him”

I was taken aback when I heard myself utter out those words. I paused the music and bolted to sit up straight my eyes grew wide and my face turned white as if a vampire sucked all of the blood out of me.

Did I just say that?

My fingers began to dig into my skull. I grasped my hair and began to tug it tight, tight, tight. Did I just say that? It doesn’t sound like me at all! Did something suddenly possess me?

I hopped down from me bed and stared into my mirror to stare at my reflection and there, I saw a stranger: his face was not relaxed, his eyebrows were shooting up scrunching his forehead, his eyes were bloodshot above those dark circles, his mouth hung agape trembling in the cold, hair was messed up, not a single strand was brushed neatly. Who was this person?

A strong tug from my heart pulled a string of pain. My hand clutched the fabric of my cloth were underneath my heart lay. My breathing intensified as I grew more and more scared and confused. I looked down onto the floor shaking my head hoping this feeling would go away.

This was not the Byun Baekhyun I know. This was not me. This was a spell casted from him. Is he a wizard? A warlock? Could he be an inccubus? A siren even?

I can assure myself that I do have feelings for him. But this…this was nerve wrecking. I have been attracted to lots and lots of girls before, heck, I even I got attracted to some guys but I have never, ever felt something like this.

The feeling of want. Need.

Need…

Kim Minseok said something about me needing him. Is this what he meant by it? This raging feeling I’m having right now? Is this the truth about me? Could I actually be a desperate psychopath that needed to have sex with him that night? Was that the story he didn’t want to tell? I don’t know what to think anymore! This thing that drives me to think like this…

I shot my head back up to the mirror.

“I don't know anymore..."

“Good Morning Korea!” Sehun stretched his arms up when we hopped out from the train, the brooding boy was suddenly converted into a happy-go-lucky cheer leader while the Baseball Team Captain Kim Jongin yawned his way out his mouth larger than ever. I had my feet brisk it’s way into the school’s yard. I didn’t know what came over my feet but I had the urge to find Professor Minseok.

I need to have a word with him. First, he invaded my mind for the whole weekend and I couldn’t practice my audition piece and second-

“Oi, slow down dude!” Sehun ran by my side pulling me by the shoulders with his arm that slung above me, he pulled me close to him and laughed “Why are you in such a hurry? I’ve never seen you this excited about school!”

I had no idea if Sehun still holds a suspicion about me and Professor Kim Minseok or that I'm just being paranoid again? Anyhow, I chuckled back trying my best not to sound suspicious “I’m just sleepy, I need to lay my head down on my desk and doze off while I still got the chance”

A nice little lie and Sehun seemed to have bought it for he agreed and began to saunter his way to our classroom. I halted on my steps and checked both sides of the hallways hoping to catch a glimpse of Professor Minseok before he gets into our classroom but I was disturbed and dragged all the way in when Sehun popped his head out saying I was too slow for my own good. Once I got inside, I did what I told Sehun. I lay my head on top of my arms on the desk burying my space on the gap my arms and torso made where I just stared into the darkness contemplating on what I should do.

Last Saturday, I tried to research about Professor Minseok once again and it bugged me why all of the contents to his information were blocked. The mystery of Kim Minseok has really garnered my interest in knowing more about him. If I can’t extract the truth out of him, I will find a way.

“Good morning class!”

Speak of the devil.

Professor Minseok came with his suit and tie and his briefcase. He smiled at the class and the girls all swooned. He came in here like nothing had happened last week and I was surprised it wasn’t effecting him that much - unlike me. I heard Sehun whisper a curse and I merely snorted. I watched Professor Minseok and I saw he had no interest in the girls at class at all. Why do I feel so relieved? Or am I just getting far ahead of myself and I’m becoming a feeler?

Oh no. I shut my eyes tight, slapping my face. I didn’t care whether Jongin and Sehun reacted, I was merely focused in questioning myself how on earth did I think of it like that?

“You alright Baek?” Jongin's motherly instincts was working again.

“I’m fine! No worries, I’m just trying to wake myself up” I chuckled awkwardly, wiping the sleep away from my eyes.

Once again, my oblivious best friends bought it. I’m just happy that Sehun’s not that persistent anymore with asking me about Professor Minseok’s relationship with me and I certainly don’t want him to find out my tutoring classes with him. I’ll make sure nobody knows about it in this classroom.

The time went by so fast I didn’t realize his class had ended. He bid everyone in the class farewell and the second period was up. I didn’t have any interest in listening to the second professor as I thought deeply on what I should do after the long weekend of fighting my feelings and thoughts. Should I talk to him in the hallways? Ask him to eat out? Go to his office? Wait for our next tutorial class? – no, I can’t wait for tutorial class. Friday is four days away!

Unless…

“Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti!”

My ears broke at the screech an apprentice made missing the last note while I played on the keys on the piano. Professor Yixing winced at the sound and shook his head patting me on the back, “This kid is hopeless”

“Well, at least he can dance” I smiled at Professor Yixing who shook his head disagreeingly, not even taking the apprentice's dance skills as something worth being glad about.

“He can only dance but we also need a lead actor who can actually sing”

I looked at the apprentice and flicked my fingers, “Let’s try it again shall we?”

The apprentice nodded happily positioning himself in the middle of the stage. He inhaled deeply and started, “Do, re, mi-“ once again he fell flat. And he wasn’t even on the half of the do-re-mi scale! I turned my head to Professor Yixing who gave me an I-told-you-so look.

I shrugged my shoulders and laughed “We can always have him lipsync”

Professor Yixing rolled his eyes and was about to comment on my remark when suddenly Ms. Hyorin’s voice resounded from the auditorium’s entrance. The other members. the seniors, juniors and apprentices of the EXODUS Theatre Guild – my lovely little minions – all whisked their heads to Ms. Hyorin’s figure. I tilted my head to the side wondering why she was here until-

“Minseok, Minseok! Isn’t this exciting?”

There he was, trailing behind Ms. Hyorin in his gray suit that fitted him very well. That same earring intact on his ear, his dark hair, his piercing eyes that scanned the room. His mere presence that sent my heart racing. 

Oh, that’s right. They’re mentors. I completely forgot.

“Everyone, I would like to introduce you to our new mentors!” Professor Yixing raised his hands encouraging everyone to stand up and acknowledge the presence of the two newcomers “Ms. Hyorin and Mr. Minseok”

The members all bowed respectfully at them eyeing the two dashing professors. Ms. Hyorin smiled, her perfect set of white teeth glimmering and I could tell the boys in our club are all internally screaming. Just like I was when Professor Minseok’s eyes came to look at me. I simply averted my gaze trying my best to use my acting skills and pretended I couldn’t see him and focus on clapping for their arrival to the guild.

“I’m so excited to work with you guys!” Ms. Hyorin’s honey-covered voice sounded so pleasing and motherly instantly making all of us smile with her bright personality.

“Yes” Professor Minseok said and my eyes began to dart over him. My face burned as I saw him grinning at me, “I’m excited to work with you guys as well”

I cleared my throat as I looked around to find anything I could do to avoid his eyes. I nervously smiled and made my way back to the piano tapping it’s wood to call the attention of the guild, “Alright, let’s continue on to where we left shall we?” I pressed the keys playing a short hannon trying to shake off the tense feeling of my frozen hands “JungSung please come back on stage and let’s start?”

I pressed the keys and the apprentice sang once more. Everything. Was. Out. Of. Tune and the whole guild seems to be suffering from it. My eyes would sometimes glance at the three professors discussing quietly on the front row seats of the auditorium but my eyes would mostly center on Professor Minseok who winced and grimaced at every single flat note that crosses his hearing. I chuckled at his cute reactions.

“Enough, enough” Professor Yixing stood from his seat breaking their conversation. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed “This isn’t going to work”

The apprentice’s jaw dropped and pain flashed across his eyes. Ms. Hyorin saw it and hopped from her seat, “Mr. Zhang, I think we can give the boy a chance. He just needs a little practice that’s all”

“We have been practicing him for two weeks straight Ms. Hyorin and I can’t see any improvements” Professor Yixing looked at the heartbroken apprentice “I’m sorry, but we have to replace you”

The apprentice was about to sulk and leave the stage until Professor Minseok spoke, “Maybe he needs motivation”

“Motivation! Yes, that’s right” Ms. Hyorin clasps her hands together. “Maybe you need some little jazz in your soul. Something to inspire you to do better. After all, you’re an apprentice! Shimmy-shimmy and have fun to get those notes right!”

“What’s a better source of getting inspiration other than having your Company Manager do a demo?” Professor Minseok smirked as he pointed at a startled me. Everyone’s eyes diverted their gaze at me, all were smiling expectantly and one particular person in the room was smirking mischievously.

“M-me?” I pointed dumbfoundedly to myself.

“Why yes! You’re a great singer yes?” Professor Minseok added and him mentioning I was a great singer made my skip. “Also, you were accepted to audition for the next round at MID School of Artistry! Now that’s a motivator!”

Everyone gasped in both shock and delight. The whole auditorium erupted in applause and congratulatory responses. I would have bragged about it right now like what I would always do, be the prideful me and flick my hands telling them: “Well, I’m that great” but with Professor Minseok’s eyes, I found it best to remain silent for I found it hard to thank their applauses with him watching my every movement. He was like a lion waiting for an antelope to fall and break their legs while on a grand chase.

Professor Yixing seemed to have agreed and went on top of the stage insisting he play the piano for me to sing a short demo. He had to push me off my seat and drag me on the middle of the stage before he could sit down and convince me to sing.

I don’t have any choice right?

I hope my voice doesn’t crack. Was all I had to pray to God before I opened my mouth and sang “Open Arms”. As usual, my singing was effortless for I loved to sing but the nervousness I feel – and let me just pin point, I never get nervous when I sing (I’m a prideful son of a gun that’s why) – the nervousness from my voice...I was nervous because I could feel his intense gaze at me. He watched me closely giving me much discomfort.

Although uncomfortable by the way he watched me, somehow, I find myself trying my best in striking the difficult high notes to impress him. My nervousness mistook the others as a vibrato but the way Professor Zhang eyed me, he knew I was uncomfortable. He continued to play on the piano and I continued to hit the high notes in anyway to impress Professor Minseok.

I wanted him to know I was this good.

A little accomplishment blossomed inside my heart when I finished singing and he clapped his hands along with everyone who cheered. My ears and eyes blocked everyone out and the only thing that was in sight and hearing all came from him and I felt myself light up in sheer happiness.

The whole practice's duration was for over four hours. Everyone had done their duties. Ms. Hyorin taught the others vocal ranges, Professor Yixing used the piano, Professor Minseok taught them movements while I rehearsed for myself in the corner.

Every now and then I would watch the apprentices and senior members play and talk with each other and I felt relieved that the guild was becoming a family despite the new ones were a bit shy at first. At least now, they were free to hug and pat each other.

Every once in a while too, I would watch Professor Minseok as he moved like the water, his body was like fluid; effortlessly flexible to any positions and angles he could make and reach making different kinds of body forms. It seemed like he was doing Kung Fu and the next he looked like a ballerino.

With those movements, I wonder if he was that good in bed?

Fuck this. I shook my head my face burning with heat. Dirty thoughts, dirty thoughts, dirty thoughts get away from my head! Pull yourself together Byun Baekhyun.

Am I this naturally perverted? Sometimes I surprise that I have no clue about myself.

My eyes flicked back at Professor Minseok once my mind got clearer and I would sometimes catch him watching me. Sometimes he would stray his gaze away if I caught him looking and most of the time, he would just let his eyes linger and I would be the one to avert my gaze.

I wonder…what is he thinking when he looks at me?

“Goodbye Baekhyun hyung! See you next practice”

“See you guys!” I waved them a goodbye and watched them as they disappeared out from my range of sight from the auditorium.

Everyone was gone including the three professors who had gone off before the guild members. I was sad that Professor Minseok didn’t even bid me farewell and most of all I was angry at myself for not confronting him when I had the chance, like the bathroom – well, I never wanted to go to that route. Too risky – the water dispenser moment or anything just for me to get an alone time and strike a conversation with him about the kiss, the truth and…my growing need for him.

What were we before we made out? Did we do something? The sunset, the drinking, the problems, the things he told me last time on the rooftop...

“AIsh, really!?" I growled, jumping up the stage to sit on the piano once more and play some tunes.

Aside from video games, playing the piano could erase my stress to soothe my soul instantly. It’s what I would do whenever mom and dad would fight over at grandmother’s house. There was this huge wooden Trebel Piano at grandmother’s house where I would pound my fingers on the keys to create loud music to overpower mom and dad’s raising voices and ever since, whenever I play the piano it gives me solace.

Right now, I needed one too.

I let my fingers and heart press the keys. I poured my soul into every ivory and every ebony and magically a song would be created out of the blue as I ouido a soft melody. How amazing music is. The way just a mere song could stir emotions. One could tell if the music could make people sad, happy, scared, nostalgic. Music translates to different emotions that even though there's language barriers or even no words, you can understad it. Indeed it is a spell itself

“That’s a beautiful melody you’re playing”

I whirled around my seat surprised to find Professor Minseok standing by the bottom of the stage, a quirky grin tugged his lips. My heart skipped beats and time itself stopped when he made his way up the stage to stand in behind me. I lifted my head to stare up at him as he looked down on me. My adam’s apple went up and down as I swallowed hard.

What was he doing here? I thought he went home already?

My lips were sealed and I couldn’t spill out any words. I was completely stoned in my seat. He waved a hand over my face to see if I still was functioning, the same thing like he did the first week of classes when I got stuck in front of the classroom and it was a sign for me to turn around and focus on the piano trying my best to hide my trembling hands.

“I think I've never heard that song, did you compose it yourself?” he asked, an amusing tone coated his voice.

Stay calm Baekhyun, stay calm.

Inhaling, I managed a smile, “Oh yes. I love making my own music. I follow the beat I feel in my heart and play it on the keys” I shrugged my shoulders “It’s a thing I do when I’m bored”

“You’re so talented”

Okay, where is this conversation going Professor? And can you just tell me why you’re here?

Better yet…I should make my move now and ask him.

I was about to turn and confront him about the mind boggling questions stuck in my head but then I felt his hot breath press against the back of my ear. I shivered in both fear and delight. He placed a warm palm over my hand and dragged it across the ivory keys.

“Let me teach you one of the songs I composed” he breathed into my ears and immediately I melted and followed his every will. I supressed a sharp intake of air when I felt his warm breath, closing my mouth together almost cracking my dry lips from all the force. He placed his other palm over my free hand and guided it over to the left of the ivory keys, this time, his torso pressed over my back, warmth radiating to seep over me. He breathed again “Over here, press this” do, mi, so “then over here” re, fa sharp, la.

He kept guiding my hands to the keys he wanted me to press. A song he wanted me to hear, a song he composed. A song, only the two of us could understand.

What is he trying to achieve? Does he want to break me? Make me confess? Make me want him more?

“I want him” I said that last Saturday and I kept on repeating that over and over until my head would explode and now, here he was.

He lets go of my hands and leans away from me. I threw myself to the keys breathing freely the trapped air inside my lungs. God, it’s like I got out of water for I was desperately gasping for air. My mind blurred but enough for me to whirl around and face him.

“What do you think of the song?”  Professor Minseok crossed his arms and smiled.

I was getting irritated with him. This guy is truly bipolar. Last week he wants me out, then he kisses me and now he suddenly holds my hand, massages it with his thumb and be so intimate. Next thing you know, he’ll push me away again. If he does, I won’t let him.

Not until I get what I really need him for: answers.

“Why?” was the only thing I asked him to make him raise his brows. I took it as a sign to push further for I think, he didn’t quite expect me to be inquisitive right now. “Why did you do that?”

“Do what?”

I rubbed the nape of my neck, “Kiss me last week, hold my hands today and now smile at me like nothing happened” I narrowed my eyes “You seem so calm today too. It’s like there’s nothing to worry about Professor”

“There really is nothing to worry about”

“Then why won’t you tell me?”

His smile grew wider “Tell you what?”

I clicked my tongue. “The truth. Last summer. The Bar. The Sunset. The Hotel room. The problems the-“

Why?

Why won't you let me finish...

Kim Minseok…

Heavy breathing. Inhaling each other’s scents. Each other’s breath against each other’s mouth. The bittersweet taste of his lips. Those lips that taste like cigarettes. His strong arms that pulled my legs up to rest on his waist as he laid my back down to the piano keys crushing me with his torso while I sunk, the piano created its own music. Hands going crazy everywhere, not knowing where they should remain. An excuse to feel each other’s skin and muscle. My excuse to feel him. My head would bump onto the piano’s board and the keys would bury deep into my flesh – which I’m sure would leave bruises – but I didn’t care, as long as I was trapped in his arms, I was contented.

I broke our kiss pushing him gently away. Inside my head I sounded so badass but the moment I spoke, I sounded like a little whimpering puppy which made him smile after I said “Stop this, right now”

He gave me a long peck on the lips, his chuckling vibrated along my throat, “Stop pretending Baekhyun, I know you wanted this from the start” he took my lips again brushing gentle kisses.

I pushed him back once more. I need to. Before I get lost and drown in his wonderland, “I still want to know” I whispered along his mouth my breath pressed against his lips “What did happen last summer?”

He gave a long pause before smiling and pulled me closer. His pupils scanned my eyes as if he was trying to search for any possible answer he could give me, or it was the other way around. He was giving me the answer I already needed “All I can say now is…” he closed his eyes leaning closer to my lips again “I can’t take it anymore”

I can’t take it anymore too.

I've been holding back. Afraid to admit that I've been garnering feelings for him for the past weeks I've been thinking about last summer only to fall head over heels for him,

Professor…

My eyes rolled back and closed. Everything went black and all I could think of was: Kim Minseok. Kim Minseok. Kim Minseok. Kim Minseok and nothing more but Kim Minseok.

I don’t know what I should feel. Should I be happy? Should I be relieved he was feeling the same? We both gave in into our desires. He had told me he wanted to stay away from me, he wanted to forget about me and yet, he went to the classroom and pinned me to the wall but he controlled and stopped himself from kissing me but in the end- he gave in. It feels so awkward that we just started to make out like this, but I don’t want to complain. I’ve always wanted to know how he tasted, how he felt in my arms, always wanted to feel his kisses, his warmth and his strong embraces ever since I started to notice myself in seeing him differenlty. And now, I have it.

In that moment, I started to think: maybe knowing about the history of last summer is pointless?

I mean, the reason that I wanted to discover the truth about last summer was to know if we had some sort of connection, how we met and how we ended having sex together. I thought myself to be delusional, to have psychological problems and stress that I wanted to extract information from him. At first I wanted to know if he remembered me because I was pretty sure I wouldn't get a good night's sleep if I can't peg him right. But now...it didn't matter anymore.

We’re in each other’s arms now.

I was no longer feeling neglected, ignored, deprived of the surging feeling of warmth.

What more do I want?

Professor Minseok hardened the kiss and as he deepened it, I could feel his tongue pushing through my closed lips. He breathed through my mouth “Open your mouth” and I did. I let his tongue explore me, let him taste every bit of me as our tongues wrestle for dominance. Hungry for more.

Good grief! I never knew I could French Kiss.

But by the way he explored my mouth, it was like he was familiar with it already. Have we French kissed back then?

My head fell onto the keys creating another sound almost deafening myself, he continued on nevertheless, this time he kissed my cheek sending butterfly kisses to land on my neck. He sucks it hard and sloppily. I groaned in my throat and heard him laugh merrily. I pressed my hand on the back of his head asking for more. Slowly and slowly, I felt myself stiffen. Down there. Professor Minseok was either oblivious or didn’t care at all that I was getting turned on and I was thankful he didn’t notice or was it because of a flashlight moving frantically out of the open doors of the auditorium.

I shook his shoulders and he immediately stopped and saw the flashlight. Professor Minseok grabbed my wrist and pulled me to hide behind the piano as a guard came in and checked the auditorium. He didn’t bother to come in further - a lazy guard. Professor Minseok and I were relieved.

“I think he’s gone” Professor Minseok panted, his voice sounding very exhausted.

I took this opportunity to look at him. Marvel at him. The way his sweat streamed down, his face all bright pink and his heavy breathing, it made me effortlessly happy for some odd reason just looking at him. Does he feel the same way as I am? Enchanted, exhilarated and breathless? I became more happy and felt giddy inside when I noticed our hands were actually intertwined. I raised our hands and smiled to myself. I looked over to him again and slowly tried to rest my head over his shoulder. I checked him if he was going to flinch, I was waiting for him to react to my action but he didn’t. My head found a comfortable spot on his shoulder and I sighed, swooning that I was with him.

Could this be love that I’m feeling?

It couldn’t be lust wouldn’t it if the smallest things he makes, makes me happy.

Is this what love feels like?

He shifted his position to look at me. “The coast is clear” he said and cleared his throat “Come on, we better get going. They’re going to close the school any time now”

With that, he lets go of our intertwined hands and acted as if nothing happened. The smile on my face disappeared as he adjusted his collar and his suit and jumped down from the stage. I stood up and followed him off of the stage the frown on my face getting deeper.

He took off his hands like it was nothing…while I was happy when our hands clasped together…

Professor Minseok then turned his face to me and saw the sadness that crossed my face. He approached me and cupped my face with his right hand “You alright?”

Immediately I became cheerful when he stroke my cheek “I’m fine”

He chuckled and kissed me once more. “Okay then” he smiled, nudging his head to the door tugging me to go out and eventually we made our way out of the auditorium closing the lights and locking the doors.  We didn’t hold hands when we went to the train station, we didn’t kiss, we didn’t even look at each other. Instead, I listened to the rustling of the wind, the sound of train tracks and the beating of my own heart.

It was overwhelming. That experience we just had. I’ve never kissed anyone like that before, moreover ever have experienced a French kiss where I’m actually conscious. Damn, now I’m wondering what else did we do back in the hotel?

On the ride in the train, I kept poking my lips, savouring the sweet sensation that lingered after the non-stop kissing we had. I would hear Professor Minseok snort at a couple times when I poke my lips hard and I would blush feeling his short glances at me. Once we got down from the train, we walked a little while from the alleys that lead to the main highway where we can call taxis for our ride home, and by this time of hour? It’ll be hard to catch one.

We just made out in the auditorium and now we’re acting like nothing had happened. I had to ask him a serious question. “How long have you wanted to do that?”

He threw his head back, his lopsided smile showing again “Why suddenly blurt something out like that in the open?”

“I’m just…curious” I shrugged my shoulders.

He rubbed his nose “All I can say is very long”

I blushed hard almost flustered in the process. Kim Minseok wanted to do that to me from the start? For a very long time? Does that mean he likes me? I needed to ask another question “Why? Why me?”

His lips formed a straight line but he was still managing a smile as he kicked the nothingness on the ground shrugging his shoulders. I frowned.

“You’re not going to tell me because it’s part of the truth I want to extract from you, right?”

He smiles dejectedly to the ground. “There are things better left unsaid”

A taxi cab passed and it didn’t bother to stop for us. Just great, but at least I could corner Professor Minseok while I can. “Why? Did something bad happen that makes you say these things to me? Why won’t you tell me?”

He merely shook his head his eye never meeting mine, “What do you hope to gain if you learn the truth?”

Why do you keep asking things in cryptic. I don’t know what to make of you!

“What would you lose if you tell me the truth?” I countered and he smirks.

"Touche"

A cab finally stops in front of us and Professor Minseok gestures for me to get the ride. I didn’t move and he knows I won’t leave without an answer and he knows he'd better think fast. In the end, he shrugged his shoulders and said nothing. He walked over to me and turned his back from the cab shielding our short kiss from the eyes of the driver. He pulls away and squeezes my hand before opening the door of the taxi cab for me and let me slide inside.

“Let’s continue tomorrow” was the only thing he said before he waved goodbye and the taxi cab drove off. I spun around to watch him grow smaller the farther and farther we drove away. The farther we were going away from him, the more of the part of me was getting pulled out leaving my heart and soul empty longing to stay with him.

I plopped down back to my seat and stared at the window wondering, what does tomorrow have in store for me? And will I ever get to know my lost yesterdays?

Tonight, I felt torn. I was both jovial and half-empty.

That morning when I woke up, the air felt different. It was weird to actually feel “happy” to know that there’s school today. I tried recalling when there was even a day that I was excited about school? I even forgot the reason why my stomach boiled with excitement until-

“What is...?” I pressed my fingers over my swollen lips. That’s right. Professor Kim Minseok. When did my lips get to be this so big and red? It looks like a grape! Was this my punishment for being a desperate, hopeless romantic guy? But still…I plopped myself back into the sheets of my bed embracing the pillows covering my face from blushing madly. Kim Minseok and I…

He kissed me and kissed me and kissed me.

And…

I kissed him back.

My head is in a whirl. I feel like I’m walking on air. I flailed my arms swooning at every moment I came to remember.

Does he miss me?

Does he still want to kiss me?

I've never had feelings like this before, not even trying to court a girl or eyeing a guy from afar. With Minseok, it was entirely extraordinary.

My fingers travelled to touch my lips once more. I smiled and closed my eyes breathing in slowly the cool breeze blowing from my window. I relished in the cold air that now enveloped my room soothing me into a peaceful trance until I remembered asking him about the truth and he merely shrugged me off.

This was not over. If he was acting this way, then it must be probably something serious. I’ve tried to avoid trouble from my parents, and what if this was another trouble I’m diving into> I'm going to be in so much trouble.

I need to know, I want to know.

Maybe he’s facing his own problems? Does he need help fixing them? I could help him.

All of a sudden I feel so concerned, so responsible for his happiness. Is this what love really feels like?

I could ask Sehun or Jongin about this since they had at least one girlfriend before.

“I want him”

I patted my cheeks hard, shaking off my thoughts.

I jumped off the bed and hurriedly took a bath. I slid down the staircase and ran pass the living room where mom popped her head out asking me if I wanted to eat breakfast, but it was too late. I've already shut the door behind me.

This was really strange.

I never would have thought I’d see the day that I would be the first person to arrive in class. The whole classroom was empty and the noise was near deafening. The sky was a mix of cerulean ocean blue and a twinge of lemon yellow as the sun slowly crept behind the buildings kissing my cheeks with its warm light. I made my way to my desk settling my bag on my chair and stared out the window popping my head out of the pane.

It’s so weird to feel this so exhilarated on a school day. I can’t help but find it silly and quite impossible. Well, it’s not the school I’m excited about, but it’s seeing my literature professor that’s got me dizzy and crazy.

I really, really want to see him.

If he’s a wizard in disguise, he sure slipped in a potent love potion during last summer did he?

As if in cue, his figure came walking through the gates in his usual attire: his grey suit, his brown suitcase and his hair brushed up. Oh how I wanted to jump down and take him into my arms. Am I smiling? I guess I am. Kim Minseok was slowly approaching the stairs to our building. I don’t want to lose sight of him, I wanted to call him, scream his name so he could look at me, but in a moment…he was gone.

My feet scrambled and I ran to the door. I grabbed the handle and slid it open only to bump into Sehun who had a surprised face to see me here. Why wouldn't he? 

“Baek?” Sehun blinked twice as if he wanted to confirm his eyes that I was not a hallucination.

“Sehun! Hi!” I awkwardly waved a hand, “You’re early”

“I think I should say that to you” he blinked hard, following my figure as I walked pass him. “Where're you going in a hurry?”

“The bathroom, I really need to go” I lied. Using the bathroom as an excuse is always the best lie, nobody can deny that. Sehun easily let me pass through and I dashed like a madman through the hallways.

It was incredible how my feet commanded me where to go. I wasn’t thinking of anything but it was like my whole body was magnetized to go to the faculty room for a blink of a second, I burst myself inside Professor Minseok’s office, only, he wasn’t there. It was empty.

Oh, shit. I cursed beginning to realize my foolishness. What the hell, what am I doing here? It’s a good thing he isn't here too! I can easily escape now and pretend nothing happened. Yes, that should be the best solution. I should go now-

Click!

The sound of the door locking, the silent footsteps behind me and a warm palm that blocked my vision got my heart racing. The familiar scent of Professor Minseok caught my nose. Fear engulfed me, he caught me snooping in his room again and now knowing that we want each other, this was not going end good.

“Good morning” he kisses the nape of my neck, with a low purr.

I inhaled sharply at the contact of his soft wet lips sending the hairs on my body to rise. My hands balled up into fists as I anticipated on what he was going to do next. I was both excited and scared it’s nerve-wrecking really.

He chuckled and pressed my back to his against his chest, sharing each other's warmth. “What brings you here Baekhyun?”

His voice was raspy, breathy and rich. It was so damn attractive.

Without giving me time to answer, he flips me over to look at him. My face was so red, I could tell based from the way my cheeks were heating up madly and I could also tell that he was enjoying it as he shot up another smirk. His eyelids were half-closed, with eyes scanning all over my face. Although I was taller than him by an inch, he was really, really making me feel small by the way his eyes sized me up.

He ran his hand over my stomach up to my chest and bit his lower lip. “You’re oddly early today too,” he chuckled teasingly “What happened yesterday that got you to act this way?”

“The truth”

“You sure it’s not something else?” he poked my lips and I shuddered. “Would you just drop the thing about summer? I’ll just tell it to you straight” he paused leaning away from me and picked up his suitcase to place on top of his desk “We drank to our heart’s content, made love and we loved it”

My face instantly lit up in flames when he mentioned made love and we loved it. It sounds so awkward really! But he lets it roll off his tongue like it was a normal thing. I cleared my throat as I adjusted my uniform.

“You sure that’s the only thing?” I narrowed my eyes at him while he rearranged the papers in his hands.

He nods. “Yep”

“Then why let me suffer through the strip game and keeping this all so intense if that was the only thing happened?” I asked. I know he’s hiding something, I have a feeling in my gut that there was something else. Something he doesn’t want to tell me, but the way he looked at me.

“That’s everything I’m afraid” he shook his head continuing on with arranging the documents in his hands for today’s lesson. He was really convincing. “And the whole strip tease thing? It was just all for fun. I wanted to see you again”

See me? Oh. He meant seeing me naked.

I clasped a hand over my mouth hiding the flustered face from him. He just says everything so straight forward that it’s so uncomfortable. But, I feel somewhat happy about it too and all this joyful and triumphant feeling I have will surely get me in trouble one of these days.

“Do you really want to see me again?”

Or get me in trouble right now.

Minseok snapped his eyes at me, a mischievous smile and the twinkle in his eyes got him so interested that he dropped his papers and forgot about them like they never existed. He closed his brief case and sauntered his way back to me. He stood a finger away that our noses could easily touch if one of us moves.

He strokes my cheek gently. “Why? Are you offering to do it?”

Offering!? It sounds so…eek.

“You could…you know” he says quietly, “The door’s closed anyway”

I pursed my lips into a straight line, holding in everything I wish to scream. Being in the presence of Minseok, having his skin in contact with mine, and those eyes that haunted me was beyond tolerable. I can't control myself. I hesitated in grabbing for the buttons of my shirt so many times and he noticed it.

“You know, we won’t be able to go to class not until you make up your decision Byun Baekhyun”

Well, I’m not going to be some whore in one click of a finger. I’m Byun Baekhyun, an aspiring actor and I’m not going to break my reputation by being a submissive little boy.

Reading my thoughts, Professor Minseok smirked.

“Good boy” he pats my shoulder, “Come, you have to go back to your class and I still have to teach you guys”

“Right, you’re right” I finally breathed out. Have I been holding my breath all this time?

Just as I was about to fling the door open, he stops me by slamming a hand over the door beside my head, closing it back shut. I flinched the moment I knew what he was doing. My heart pounded when he flipped me over and ran his thumb over my lips.

“What are you doing?” 

“We still have thirty minutes to spare, surely you can stay here even for a while?” his eyes closed as he pressed our foreheads together, his hand travelled over to my cheek and pulled me close. The way we were so close, I swear I could hear our hearts beating in the silence.

There was just something about him, that makes me weak. I watched him with calculating eyes. Really, there was just something about him.

He was like an embodiment of a love spell itself.

“Professor-“ I murmured, my voice fading away as he pushes the back of my head to close the gap between us.

“Please, call me Minseok”

Eveything exploded in my mouth when he took mine in his. Like fireworks in new years, it was bright, colorful and warm. The way our mouths opened, the way our lips touched, the way he tasted in my mouth, his scent, it punctured my heart and turned my stomach. He massaged his lips on mine, with every kiss our mouths I could sense that we were growing more and more aggressive and hungry for one another. He pressed his chest on mine into a bone crushing force as if he wanted to glue himself to me until we can no longer break away from each other. I gasped for air in each time he planted a new kiss on my lips giving each one a different feel from the other.

I smiled unconsciously when I heard him groan in my mouth. Why wouldn’t I? He was so into it.

And so was I.

God, I love it when he kisses me. It’s exhilarating, my blood was pumping and racing all over my body.

I was too engrossed in the kissing that I didn’t notice my fingers had made their way in his hair getting tangled up in his brown locks and the other pulled his waist closer to me. He gasped in surprise that I even dared to do it. He gave me an approving smirk and deepened the kiss.

Why do we kiss I wonder? Why?

What are we?

Who knows how long we were doing it, but if it wasn't for Professor Yixing's voice, we wouldn't have had tore apart. He adjusted his collar and went back to his table to pick up his papers. I on the other hand was left standing there watching him intently. When he noticed my eyes upon him, he grinned sheepishly and flipped me around pushing me gently by the shoulders to go outside.

Professor Minseok and I separated in the hallways telling me that I go on ahead and he’ll just come after. I agreed with him completely. Who knows what Sehun would think if we come inside together. I know deep down that boy will never stop questioning me about my relationship with Professor Minseok.

Relationship.

“Hey Baek, you alright? You look a little red” Jongin had a concerned look all over his face. He tried to place a palm over my neck and check my temperature but I swatted him away just before he did so.

“I’m fine, it’s just…” It’s the professor in front of the classroom “the air conditioning unit is too hot”

The sounds around me blurred, it was damn nearly un-audible when my eyes were transfixed on Professor Minseok. I would catch him glance around me and a smirk would tug up from the corner of his lips, I myself couldn’t help but smile as well. I nibbled on my lower lip whenever we make eye contact and my cheeks would burn again. I would watch his lips move whenever he talked and it tempted me so much, urging me to run up and kiss him in front of everyone, right there and now.

Of course I couldn’t.

So, just seeing him and knowing he was also looking at me made me contented.

I can’t take it anymore.

That’s what he said before, and I felt the same. And based from the knowing glances and smirks he gave me...

I knew, we’re not just going to stop there.

At the end of the period, when everyone was passing their notebooks over the table for submission, once I got to the table, Professor Minseok grabbed my hand and stealthily snuck in a folded note between our hands. I jolted up straight, a little surprised at the action but understood it when our eyes interlocked. I nodded and he quickly raised a brow up acknowledging me that he got the message. Making it back to my seat, I hid the note from under the desk and flipped it open and there, I saw words scribbled with his handwriting:

“Meet me in the rooftop”

“Glad you came” Professor Minseok didn’t turn around to even look at me when he heard me open the metallic rusted doors of the rooftop. Instead, he was just standing there nearby the crates where we had our first tutorial session that night when we played his stripping quiz game – man, the memory of it just gave me a weird tingling sensation in my stomach.

“I had to make excuses to my best friends just so I could come here,” I clicked my tongue remembering Jongin and Sehun bombarding me with endless questions on to why I was going to skip lunch. I stood behind him awaiting for him to turn his back, but he didn’t. “So, why’d you send me here?”

He held out his hand and there, hanging by his fingers was a plastic bag. I blinked twice examining what it was, until he told me to grab hold of it. I took it from his grasp and checked what was inside it.

“Lunch” he answered my silent question and finally he spun around to look at me. “I knew you wouldn’t buy food, so I’m sharing mine”

“Sh-share?”

“Yep” he gestured his hand by the crates, “Come sit down and eat with me”

Was he planning this all along?

Just like that, we were back in a place full of memories. He was sitting just across me like the time we had the strip quiz with those mischievous eyes watching my every move and I, going through all of this without knowing what is going to happen next. The only difference was that, it was midday and the wind’s breeze was warmer, and it wasn’t a tutorial session that had us here, it was a picnic.

I stared blankly at the plastic container I pulled out from the bag not knowing what to do. With just one chopstick? How are we supposed to eat this?

“We share it of course” he once again answered the lingering question in my mind. “I suggest you take a bite first, you need the energy more than I do”

“It’s your meal and it’s your chopsticks, you have it” I know we’ve kissed before but even with this little act, my heart keeps fluttering.

He laughed merrily like I was some little kid doing something foolish, “Why are you so scared?”

“I’m not!” of course I’m not. I took the lid off from the box and saw noodles and the aroma of it sent my eyes rolling back. It’s looks and smells delicious!

“Hope you like homemade food”

“You cooked this?” I eyed him with sudden interest. “You know how to cook?”

“I’m afraid that’s the entirety of it” he chuckled, a little blush creeping from his cheeks. A blush I’ve never seen before, and it was refreshing to see another side of him.

Is cooking one of his hobbies? Could he be a good cook? A Bad cook? Well, he did just say this is the only thing he knows how to cook, but maybe he’s just being modest? Either way, I’m glad I learned a little bit of something about him.

I dabbed the chopsticks on the noodles, took a portion of it and slurped the noodle in my mouth and – Wow! This tastes actually pretty good! The blend of the sweet and sour, the way the noodles melted in my tongue was extraordinary! He might be really a great cook! A good looking one too.

“You like it?” he asked softly, a twinge of excitement flashing in his eyes.

“This is very delicious” I said in between munching. Totally good.

“Then it’s yours to finish” 

“What? No, I can’t possibly finish this, it’s your meal” I tried to give the box back to him but he pushed it back to me.

“It is, and it is mine to give”

Why is he like this? Why is he so…?

“Why are you giving this to me?” I narrowed my eyes, there’s something suspicious about it “Did you put drugs in it?” I teasingly said but his reaction was scary. He looked so offended by what I said that I had to shut myself up and go back into finishing the noodles.

The heck was that? One minute he was smiling and all but when I joked about drugs he became…he wasn’t the Kim Minseok I came to know for the past few weeks of being with him. I’ve never seen that face before and I hope I won’t ever cross it again. What could it be? Could that be the reason why he won’t tell me about last summer? Did it involve anything?

He must have sensed my concerned look for he shot me a weak smile, “Oh don’t worry about me, keep on eating”

And so I did. I just ate and we never got to strike a conversation, only the wind became my companion in soothing the tensed muscles I had. Professor Minseok didn’t even look at me the entire time we were there, instead he was staring out in the horizon of the rooftop. Into the nothingness of the blue sky that made me wonder, what might he be thinking that gets him always so deep in thought I wonder?

I closed the lid of the taper ware slipping the chopsticks back into the plastic bag. When he heard my sudden movement, he returned his gaze and smiled, “All good?”

I nodded, wiping the remaining grease of the noodles from the corners of my mouth.

“Hold it, let me” his thumb brushed over my lips as he wiped it off clean. I was stoned in place and I didn’t dare shift my position. The way he was this close to me, I could smell his scent again and it sent waves of haziness to my brain.

Unaware of how it happened, he pressed his lips once again on mine and I let myself succumb into his mouth. He climbed on top of the box that separated us and pressed my back onto the crate wall until he could straddle on top of me. My eyes rolled instantly shut as I was engulfed with the uncontrollable emotions I had that wanted to jump out of it’s cage.

I want him.

It echoed in my mind again and again only heightening my want of feeling him. Needing him.

He bent his knees and sat on my lap. He cupped my face with his hands, pulling me closer making sure I could taste every bit of him. My hands snaked around his waist and pulled him until the warmth radiating from his body became one with mine. He pecked my lips thrice before his tongue entered my mouth to tangle with each other, wrestling for dominance. The taste of him exploded everywhere inside my mouth and I couldn’t get enough of it.

Oh wow. I feel so happy, I can’t comprehend what was happening to me.

“Minseok-“ I moaned in between exasperated kisses.

Upon hearing his name, he stopped and tore away from our kiss. Why did he break our kiss? He leaned away and stood up in front of me. He fixed his blazer and collar and grabbed the plastic bag then extended a hand for me to grab and I took it without second thoughts. He cleared his throat and rubbed the nape of his neck.

“You should go back to class” he said it like nothing happened a little while ago, like we didn’t made it out just now. How could he be this bipolar?

“Minseok, wait”

“Go back to class Baekhyun”

“Wait, what we just did-“

“Baekhyun” he breathed an exhausted tone. “Please?”

He merely smiled and gestured for me to go. I had a look of doubt and worry, but I knew I had to follow his orders. I bowed a farewell and went on my way without looking back and headed straight to my classroom.

During the whole period, my mind just floated to him. Focused only on him.

Curse him for doing this to me...

Him and his brown eyes...soft pink lips, brushed up hair, his jawline, his marvellous earring. God, what am I to make of him?

I may be denying it, but I’m starting to have very strong feelings for him.

Maybe I truly am in love with Kim Minseok.

Maybe that’s why I can’t stop thinking about him. Maybe that’s why I’m always happy when he’s around. Maybe that’s why I want him to kiss me and kiss me until I canfaint.

Maybe that’s why…I feel it now.

The professor of our History class paid no interest on me who sulked and face palmed throughout the session. I was completely boggled by my feelings that I didn’t know what to do next. It’s already obvious to me that I love him, but how am I going to face him knowing that I have this feeling for him?

Should I confess to him? After all, we've been kissing and hugging.

Because if I don’t tell him what I feel, I'd certainly will not be able to sleep tonight again.

“See you later guys”                                                                                                                                 

“Bye!”

“See you tomorrow Baekhyun”

“Yeah, see you”

Sehun, Jongin and I said our goodbyes for the day. Sehun was going home to play video games and Jongin was going to baseball practice and train his recruits, I on the other hand didn’t have any rehearsals for today so I was thinking of going home right now – or not.

“I have to see him again” I clutched the fabric that covered my heart. It was beating fast and loud, like horses running in the glen. I inhaled long and hard and exhaled deeply, “I can do this”

I can do this.

I can do this.

I can do this!

Damnit.

It sounds so wrong if I confess to a professor.

That isn’t something wrong right? I mean, it happens all the time correct? It’s not one’s fault if a student falls for a professor, right? It's normal right?

Gah! It’s because of you Kim Minseok. You’re ruining my head! Stop invading my thoughts, stop stomach aches!

Stop making my heart beat for you…

The whole time I was thinking of those things, I was unaware that I was already trudging in the hallways with my rucksack hanging from one shoulder and a bothered and contorted face that sent off the wrong signals to everyone who I would meet had them all stray away from me. I couldn’t help it. It’s his fault, not mine. There was one person though who didn’t stray away, instead, he brushed his hands over mine and pulled me inside a compact and dark room and only the light from a shattered window made my vision clear to see Professor Minseok’s face.

I flinched in shock and was about to yelp a scream when he locked his lips in mine and stopped me. He's already caught a technique of shutting me up apparently. He caught me just in time and got me to stand up straight. I searched his eyes, hoping he could answer me, but there was nothing. Instead, my emotions got ahead of me and I instantly dove right into his lips and this time, I was the one who pushed him onto the bone-crushing wall.

We violently searched for each other’s lips as we tore and glued back when our heads went all over the place just to have each other’s mouths to taste. He pulled one of my leg up and I jerked in surprise, but he managed to seal off another yelp by taking my mouth once more. His other hand travelled from the back of my neck tracing down my spine until it reached my waist. He pulled me up and flipped me over. God, I hate it when he becomes so dominant whenever we make out. I feel helpless. I can’t blame him though, I was weak whenever I’m in his arms and I could do nothing but give in.

There was nothing in the world that could compare how much I was happy and ecstatic in his arms. I didn’t care for the reason anymore for why we were doing this, I’m just glad to be with him here. Alone and his.

What would I give to be like this everyday.

“Professor-“ I breathed into his mouth “Professor”

“Hmm?” he moaned in my mouth as a response.

“I-I have…something t-to say”

“Can’t you say it later?”

“I w-want to say it now”

He took off from my lips and sent butterfly kisses and nestled on my neck. It was a motion for him to say that he was willing to listen to what I was going to tell him and I took the opportunity.

“I like it when you kiss me there” it wasn’t what I wanted to tell him, but it felt so right just saying it. To let him know that I felt it that way.

He smiled on the crook of my neck and continued on, “That is good to hear”

Upon mentioning it, it gave him some sort of power to keep going on until I’m sure he would leave hickeys on it for he sucked them hard. I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes, relishing in his soft lips on my skin. God, he sure was good at this. What more in bed?

Fuck.

What am I saying? My mind is drifting off to be dirty again, this is embarrassing!

Wait, we’ve already had sex, why am I so embarrassed? Well, aside from the fact that I was drunk but…shouldn’t I feel comfortable now? With him doing this to me?

I heard him unbutton his polo shirt and that urged me to stop him. I pressed my palm over his chest and pushed him gently, enough for him to look at me. He titled his head to the side in question to why we stopped.

At first I thought I stopped him because I didn’t want him to go through with it, but in the end, I was completely shocked at myself for I didn’t expect that I would unconsciously blurt out something like it. As if someone else took over my body and possessed me into saying it and he too, was surprised but it eventually curled up into a wide smile.

“My parents aren’t going to be home until tomorrow morning, nobody will be there to hear us”

Well, I’m doomed.

Stupid, stupid me.

I can’t believe I just invited him inside.

Professor Kim Minseok is inside my house right now, at eight ‘o clock in the evening, at a school night, inside my house where my parents won’t be home until tomorrow morning and when they arrive they will never know that their son had just let a man whom he shared a passionate session last summer only to do it-

“What a lovely house” his breath grazed the nape of my neck sending the hairs of my body to stand. I tried to remain calm amidst my jelly legs and trembling hands. I held my chin up high as regret washed all over me. Well, he’s here now, and I can’t do anything about it.

“My mother designed it, she’s picky” was all I could reply to him. Heck, I think that’s the only thing I could utter for the rest of the night for as I climbed the steps up to the second floor to my room, I am pretty sure my tongue was slowly disintegrating away from all the heat I was feeling in my whole face. Step by step that I took was leading me to a point of no return.

What was I thinking? I don’t know a thing about Professor Kim Minseok only that he is my literature professor, but then, why do I trust him so much?

Damn my feelings for him, it’s going to get me killed one day!

“Where are you going?” came his inquiring voice. I halted in my steps.

“Uhm, I’m going to put my bag in my room” I said cautiously.

“Oh, okay” he bobbed his head and walked over to the living room “Where’s your kitchen? Will your parents mind if some ingredients went missing?”

Is he going to cook food?

I rushed down the stairs and peeked over the kitchen’s archway and saw Professor Minseok opening the cabinets checking each canned good whether they were expired or not – most of them are though. Mom and dad would always eat TV Dinner food and I ate outside. I cringed at the thought of him spraying all the expired sardines, sausages, pork and beans on the frying pan. When he took one of the corned beef cans, I almost uttered a: “no!” in protest but he put it back.

He glides over to the refrigerator then caught a glimpse of me on the archway. He eye smiled “I’m making dinner”

“I can see that, but why?”

“Aha!” he took out an avocado and two eggs from the refrigerator. He motioned for the bowl and cracked the eggs. I just stood watch, a little amazed on how his hands moved swift with grabbing any essential utensils for his weird dinner meal.

When he noticed I was still standing stoned in my place, he picked up the frying pan “You haven’t eaten yet have you?”

He’s cooking for me? What’s with him with giving me so much – Food.

What if he’s the wicked witch from Hansel and Gretel and he’s going to chop my body parts and sell it in a meat market? Maybe that’s why there’s no information about him?

Oh, screw my thoughts. I’ve been playing too much horror games with Sehun and Jongin.

“I hope you like Avocado because I’m going to conjure le avocado omelette salad espesyal!” he said it with a spanish accent that sent me having a fit of chuckles. Realizing his silliness, he hides his face and shakes his head from embarrassment.

Seeing him do something other than holding a book in his hands and writing on the chalk board felt really refreshing, I never imagined him to be good in cooking too! He whistled a mellow tune that was soothing to the ears making it ever more fun to watch him do his Avocado Egg Salad recipe. To be honest, I could just watch his back all day while he cooked.

I’m also just glad that we’re not in my room right now and having…you know. Ah, my cheeks really betrays me, just the thought of us making love was ruining the perfect moment.

“Something the matter?” he spoke when he saw me drift off into my dark thoughts. I stood up straight and pursed my lips into a straight line and shook my head, trying my best to assure him there was nothing bothering me at all.

It’s a lie though. Something was indeed bothering me.

Earlier, we grabbed any chances of making out that led me in inviting him to be here in my house to have what I think I wanted us to do – to have sex – god, it sounds so embarrassing but I won’t deny that’s what urged us to go here. And now, here we are suddenly playing “house”. It’s like we’re a married couple, he was cooking and I stood watching him with loving eyes, but I know this wasn’t supposed to be our intention. I don’t know about him though.

Once my feet got tired from standing, I walked over to the living room and plopped myself and my belongings on the long couch and just sat there. I closed my eyes hoping to take even a sort nap, not until the aroma of the meal he conjured came rushing through my nostrils, reeling me in to flutter my eyes open at the delicacy.

Professor Minseok placed one plate for me and another for himself on the coffee table and went back to the kitchen only to retrieve two mugs of coffee – a drink that I have noticed that he was fond of.

He offered me a spoon and a fork along and I accepted it without second thoughts. My mouth was just watering at the sight of the meal and something tickled me inside. He cooked for me. Only for me.

I punctured my fork right through the crushed avocado and egg and – “Whoa,”

“How is it?” he grins at me, fully anticipating any praise I could comment.

This is delicious! Unbelievable.

Who knew that avocado, eggs and asparagus with melted butter would be this amazing? The way the egg melted in my mouth and the crack of the yolk mixed with the balsamic avocado was overwhelming, I never knew that they could blend and harmonize like this! And the aftertaste with the asparagus? It left me begging for more.

“This is extraordinary!” I shoved another spoonful in my mouth, relishing the bitter-sweet taste of it “I should really get this recipe, not even Gordon Ramsey could top this off! Wow,”

“I’m glad you like it”

“Is this your own recipe or you watched it from one of those cooking channels?” the taste of heaven just literally had me blabber on and on that I wasn’t even aware I was asking him questions.

“Ah, it’s one of my own” he too took a bite and smiled at his own creation, but like a snap of a finger, his smile reverted into a sad smile.

With the look on his face, I knew I was in for a short story about his life – I knew it because I studied expressions and body language in theatre, it’s something we must understand to relay the message – and a little ring of curiosity and accomplishment rang in my head when he began speaking “Cooking was a hobby for me whenever I became depressed when I had the time to cook that is. Just keeping myself busy in getting the right temperature, getting the meat to have a great color, adding seasonings, avoiding my fingers to get cut, it all took away my problems”

He chuckled quietly to himself – a memory perhaps.

“One day I was so stoked in everything about cooking that I had set a goal to achieve a new dream: to become a Chef” his eyes sparkled as if he could see something from the nothingness in the air only to revert once more to that blank and empty expression, “But as from Fantine's song: I Dreamed A Dream: there are dreams that cannot be”

His voice was filled with so much sad nostalgia that made me wonder, what could have happened to him? What must he have gone through that brought him to be this voided?

I wanted to ask him a question again, but I didn’t know how to. It could hurt him, but this awkward silence was making me nervous enough.

I just had to ask the question “Why? What happened?”

He merely shrugged “Life happened”

There was nothing I could say really, I know he won’t tell me anything. I’ve been through that for weeks now trying to extract information about me. How could I possibly ask him further about him?

My heart ached thinking of any possible difficulties he might have faced. Money? Transportation? Or just like what I’m facing right now – my parents threatening to have a divorce? Could one of those be the reason for his unreachable dream? And what are those problems that made him all depressed?

Wow, I never thought I’d be this worried and be this responsible for him. It’s kind of weird and…I don’t know but whatever it is, I really do hope he’s okay.

“So,” I cleared my throat hoping I could divert into a more cheerful conversation “you became a Literature Professor must be because you love reading books right?” a weak start, but at least it could keep the awkwardness off.

Unfortunately, it didn’t. “Yes, I do love reading books. When I open a book I feel like I’m in another world, I wasn’t Kim Minseok, I wasn’t a chef, rather I was a hero of one of those story books who rescue damsels in distress and experience miracles. I couldn’t put down a book for I was engulfed in its wonders, even when I’m about to finish, I still couldn’t put it down for I didn’t want it to end because I know once I close the book, I’m back to reality and life starts kicking in again”

Professor Minseok took a long thirst quenching chug on his coffee as if he wanted to wash away all of the thoughts that boggled him, all of the images that flashed across his face that made him twinge in both hate and disappointment.

What could have happened to you?

Now I’m not only curious about last summer and his identity but I’m also curious about his life. His struggles, his likes, his dislikes, his achievements, literally everything that I needed to know about him. And with it, came a package: I want to help him.

“Enough about me, how about you?” his voice snapped me out from wherever my mind drifted off to where I almost spilled my coffee in alert. “Do you have any dreams?”

It’s my turn now?

Seriously this guy is bipolar. One second he was in full nostalgia sad-mode and now he had his infamous smirk back on waiting for me to give him an earnest reply. I did, of course.

“Well, obviously you know that I’m a Company Manager of EXODUS Theatre Guild, and I’m auditioning for MID School Artistry this upcoming October, so…basically I want to be a famous theatre actor!” I wiped my hands in the air picturing myself standing in the middle of the stage with a spotlight directing everyone’s attention to center around me and my name in one of those huge neon LED lights and flowers being thrown at my feet while I bow in thanks.

“I would imagine myself scoop up one rose and hand it over to the adoring crowd and hear people chant my name: Baekhyun! Baekhyun! Baekhyun!”

That was the dream: to be loved by many and to entertain people. Nothing beats making people laugh or strike their hearts with emotions through the one thing I loved doing the most: Acting and Singing.

Hopefully one day when I do become a famous actor, Jongin could be a famous Baseball player and Sehun would be in one of those Step-Up movies as a lead actor and dancer. The three of us will make big names! It had been a promise between the three of us. We’ll make our own names.

I kept on and on and on being my good ‘ol blabbering self while his expression never changed. However I could sense, he felt lonesome. I guess it’s from the story he told me earlier.

“What a lovely story” he murmurs softly, almost too soft.

“Are you done? C’mon tell me more! Encore, encore!” he laughed. Professor Minseok’s wonderful smile on his face was back again. His elbow was propped against his lap, his cheeks that were tilted to the side rested on his palm as he watched me with pure amusement.

A chuckle escapes my lips and for the first time I was with him, a smile was visible on my face.  Professor Minseok laughed quietly and played with the avocado on his plate with his fork, his eyes looked downward, diverted into staring into the meal.

“You have a lovely smile Byun Baekhyun, I’ve never seen something like it before. You look best when you laugh” he whispered. I almost couldn’t hear it for I supposed he didn’t intend to say it out loud but here he was laying it all before me.

The corner of his lips tugged him into giving a warm and broader smile. A smile that I couldn’t comprehend what was going through his mind. A smile that could make angels cry. What could he be thinking?

“Always smile, okay? It’s better like that” his words…it caught me off guard.

“Professor?”

“Don’t cry okay? Never leave anything behind, no regrets, no sadness…”

He darted his eyes back at me, now with dispirited eyes. I was taken aback, I couldn’t really understand what was happening to him. This…bipolar guy really.

He leaned towards me, reaching a palm to stroke my cheek. He stopped for a while checking any signs of hesitation from me. It’s funny how he’s so cautious, and very weird that I find myself suddenly comfortable about everything he does that I just let him do anything.

I closed my eyes and rested my face in his palms and I swear I felt him flinch. My free hand touched the back of his palm pressing it harder onto my cheek feeling his warm hands relax in mine.

Kim Minseok…

It had already slipped out so many times from me, but I really do want to tell him how I feel. Heck, I’m unsure of it but I know what we call it. Even in a short span of time, I have come to grow to care for him, I worry for him, I want to see him, I think of him all the damn times and I just want to hold him.

I’m falling for him and I am falling hard.

I leaned close to him closing the gap between us as once more our lips touched tasting every bit of the familiar sweetness of each other’s mouth and I felt him respond by kissing back. My other hand travelled to his shoulder and pulled him closer to me. I didn’t want to let him go.

But for him, it was the other way around. Minseok abruptly stopped the kiss and pulled away. He pushed me gently away from him and shook his head as if he had done something terribly wrong. He kept shaking his head in negation and pushed my hands back to my chest whenever I tried to come close to him.

What have I done for him to act like this? What’s happening?

“Baekhyun I’m sorry but I think…” he breathed heavily as if he was drowning for a second making it all difficult for him to mutter out the words.

“Professor?”

“I’m sorry I c-came to your house, I-I’m sorry I ever kissed you or-or” his hand trembled that alarmed me in surprise. I’ve never seen him like this, is he nervous? Scared?

“Professor what’s going on?” worried, I tried grabbing his hand to give it a comforting squeeze, but he swiped it away like I was the most disgusting thing he ever laid his eyes on.

“I’m sorry. Please excuse me” he stands up. Afterwards, he bowed a farewell and picked up his brief case to head to the door.

What the hell? Where is he going?

“Professor!” I jumped off the couch and ran after him. What is he doing? Where is he going? What’s going on!? “Professor!” I called out once more.

“Leave me alone Baekhyun” he harshly says as he reached for the door knob.

What, so he’s just going to walk away after making out and leave me here clueless and mind boggled and frustrated with whatever the hell is happening that I don’t understand!? Hell no!

“Kim Minseok!” I roared and grabbed his wrist so that he could face me. Face me coward.

He used his shoulder and forearms and shoved me aside completely breaking himself free from my grasp. I winced at the pain but I had to ignore it. It was him that I should worry about. I caught him by his wrists with his briefcase dropping on the floor in the process. I pressed his arms onto the door and glared at him with intense anger and confusion.

“Why do you do this to me!?” I screamed at him letting him soak all of the frustration I was feeling through my voice “What, you think it’s okay to just tease me and kiss me and leave it just like that?”

He doesn’t answer, but kept his gaze locked in mine.

“Do you know how much I’ve suffered the nights being a nocturnal because of you? Endless nights that seemed to stretch into oblivion because you keep confusing me! You keep teasing me, kissing me and then leave me like some deer caught in headlights!”

No response.

“What is your hidden motive huh Kim Minseok? Are you some secret agent here to destroy my life for fun? Are you here to bully me? Hurt me?”

“Baekhyun…” the first word he utters, but I cut him off.

“Oh, do you want money from me? I can give it to you!”

 “Now that’s just unnecessary Ba-“ his face contorted into a nasty grimace. It really gave a huge offense to him, but I didn’t care. I need to hear him say it straight forward, whatever he was thinking.

“If it’s not money, what is it then, huh!?”

He kept his mouth shut. In his eyes, I could see he was starting to get irritated as well.

“I’m asking you a question, answer it!”

“I can’t”

“What do you mean you can’t!?”

“I just…can’t”

“You’re a jackass, you know that?”

“Look, for what it’s worth, let’s just end this okay? I’m sorry I have put you all through that. It was just a mistake, it’s really-”

“End what? What is this really? What the hell are we doing? Kissing? Making out secretly behind my friends’ backs? Your strip tease game, your bipolarness! That’s what I want to know goddamnit” hurt flashed across my eyes. To say I was a mistake when I already am…I’m already…

“What is it that you want Byun Baekhyun?”

“You!”

I said it. I finally said it and I’m not ashamed of it.

Minseok, fell silent with eyes bulging out of his sockets.

“I…I want you, you little shit. I’ve always had, but you…don’t you know how it hurts me when you don’t tell me anything? Don’t tell me your problems? Well, I hate to break it to you but I want you to tell me, I want you to let me feel the pain you’re going through, because…”

My heart pounded and my face flushed tomato red as I nibbled on my lower lip. I can’t believe that I finally…this confession…

The look on his face was priceless if it were a time for a laugh, but it wasn’t. His expression, it made my heart churn. He looked at me with sad eyes, a look of regret and everything that just says “this is wrong”.

I don’t want him to look at me that way. It only gave me pessimistic thoughts in having my heart torn to pieces. I won’t be able to survive such a heart break.

I pursed my lips into a straight line. “Because I-“

“Don’t say it” he placed a finger over my lips. He didn’t want me to continue on, but I want it so bad to tell him. Make him understand that what we’re doing hurts me so much because I have feelings for him and I want to know if he does too, because heck, why would he kiss me if he doesn’t have any right?

I will not give up. “Professor Kim Minseok, I L-“

“Shut up” it was a faint whisper, but filled with conviction.

But I am a proud and persistent person, I won’t back down “I am in-“

In a split second I was crushed against the door and Professor Minseok’s grasp on my collar almost choked me to death. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t struggle. He was just too strong for me that I did nothing but gasp for air.

“Shut up!” he growled at me with such ferocity that it frightened me. I watched his vacant eyes, just waiting, anticipating what he was going to do next. Is he going to punch me? Kick me? Kill me here?

Instead, he buried his face in the crook of my neck and remained quiet for a long time. I could feel him breathe hard and steady as the sweat from his temples trickled down to drop on my skin.

You’re confusing me…why are you like this?

He just looked broken, shattered. Lonesome.

“Byun Baekhyun…” he breathed against my neck, and I shivered in the warmth of its touch.

“Professor?”

“Don’t…” he tries to speak, but couldn’t find the right words that he could utter loud enough. Shortly after in recollecting his thoughts, he whispers. “Don’t fall in love with me”

Someone just stabbed me in the heart because it felt like it. The way he said it, the way his hands tensed when he spoke, it killed me inside. He was hurting me, and I can’t believe I allowed myself to fall for him only for it to end like this.

He won’t accept me, I can hear it in his voice. But…like I said: I won’t back down. Not when I still want to see him smile.

I raised his chin so that he could look at me, so tight to stop him from shying away. Look at me straight in the eyes so that I could reassure you everything’s going to be alright. Look at me and see how much…how you’ve messed me up. See how much I’ve fallen for you Kim Minseok. I hope you could see that…

“I’m sorry, but I already have”

His eyes twitched in astonishment as I traced his lips with my thumb.

“I love you Kim Minseok” with my heart, I sealed it with a kiss.

If you ask me why I did that, it’s because I want to know what he had gone through, what made him feel all pain, what made him depressed. I want to let him know that I want to feel all of it with him.  Let him know that he’s not alone.

I want to be a part in his life. Not as his student, not as an actor but as someone who can love him. Someone who can take care of him. Someone who could face all his problems along with him and that’s a promise I am willing to make, if he’ll let me.

“I love you” I whispered, ever so lovingly in his mouth.

Minseok stares at me with surprised eyes, searching mine before he kisses me back to hush me when I was about to part my lips to speak. Our eyes rolled back, our hands locking in place, fitting the spaces between our fingers as if they were made for each other.

Unlike the other kisses that we had, this one felt more real. Maybe it’s because I’ve told him what I really felt and now, even though he didn’t utter those words, I could tell that he was slowly feeling it too for the way his mouth massaged mine became more passionate.

“I’m giving you one last chance Byun Baekhyun…” he said in between the kisses “We can end this now or else…”

“We can keep it a secret if that’s what it takes, I’m up for it” I kissed him harder, I didn't want him leaving my mouth.

He chuckled breathily and pressed on “If we continue this, it’ll be the point of no return…”

Something tells me, the words he muttered didn’t even matter to him. He sounded like he doesn’t want to end this either.

“I’m willing to risk it”

“No matter what happens?”

“Even if it means I have to eat salt for the rest of my life, just to be with you, I’m contented” I suddenly became shy. I didn’t know I can be this so cheesy. He tore away from our kiss and pressed our foreheads together. He smiled and cupped my face.

“Promise me one thing”

“Anything” my lips curved into a smile. I was just so...overwhelmed, happy, dizzy.

His face remained gleeful but deep down, there was still the sense of sadness in him. He must have been thinking deep about what he was about to say for his eyes travelled down to our feet and let out a weary sigh. A thought he might have been pondering on for a very long time perhaps.

“Life is hard”

“I thought we’re out of school? You’re giving me a lesson now?” I laughed.

“Oh hush” he pecked my lips “Listen okay?”

I hummed a yes tone.

“There are times when life becomes unexpected. Things can go your way or not, things go from best to worst in just a matter of seconds. Challenges will always be there, temptation can lead you to heaps of trouble but whatever comes, no matter what happens always, always forgive”

“Forgive? What do you mean?” what is this drama about?

“I just want to tell you this since you’re going to graduate next year” he closes his eyes and sighs “Don’t leave anything behind, no regrets, no sad memories just forgive them. Remember, forgive everything else”

“Why are you saying this?” I eyed him with concern, I have no idea why he’s like this really. The more and more I get closer to him the more and more I see him broken.

I don’t want to see him like this. I wish I could do something that could brighten his day, like dance a silly dance. Anything. That’s why I want to keep close to him and hope that I could give everything in my best to help him.

“You’ll understand someday…” he smiles and played with our hands, tracing invisible circles in the middle of my palm.

Kim Minseok…

I tugged his hands and pulled him with me. I walked backwards, never tearing my eyes off of him fearing that he would run away, disappear into a place I can never follow. As if I was on auto-pilot, I was unaware that led him to the front of my room’s door, unclicking it and kicking the door with my foot open so we could get inside.

I could hear my heart panging in my ears, my pulse running faster and faster in my coursing veins and my cheeks filled with heat and tension with various shades of blushes staining. I heard myself rapidly breathing heavily once the door behind him shut.

The very image of him in my room. Him and me, alone. I never imagined him to be in this room with me, just a few nights ago I would be here reminiscing every moment I had with him and now, we can make one happen.

I saw his adam’s apple bob up and down as we stopped in the middle of my bedroom. His eyes scanned around to see some posters of Wicked, Singing in the Rain and more and more of the musicals I attended. My room was small with only one bed in the middle, a desk with a lamp in the far right corner where I study, an electrical piano on the left, a mirror and my closet and a large window covered with blue curtains. There was nothing special really, but he seemed to be quite amused as a glint of fascination sparkled in his eyes.

“They say you could tell a lot about a person based on their room” he smirks “At least I know you’re not a messy person, your room’s clean”

Thank you mom for constantly cleaning my room.

I brushed a hand, stroking his face that made him snap at me. He stopped my hand and pursed his lips into a straight line with a cautious look.

“You know…we don’t really have to do this if you don’t want to" he whispered, a bit cautiously. He searched for my eyes, any signs of regretting the decision of letting him in was all he looked for. There were none.

“I thought you wanted to see me?” I laughed teasingly, my blush creeping up to my ears. God, it was funny how it just rolled off my tongue just like that.

He pulled my shirt making the gap between us just a finger away “You’re still making an offer?”

“It’s free” I winked, tracing my bottom lip with my tongue. A little seducing isn't bad either, right?

“You’re seriously going to push through with this? Because we don’t actually have to do it now” his voice was strained, filled with hunger, desire that I couldn't help but chuckle as I pulled him closer.

“As long as it’s you, I’m willing to do everything”

“Then let me be the first to say sorry, because your neat room is going to experience a storm” Minseok closes his eyes as he takes my mouth into his, pressing it hard and rough as if he wanted to drain all the air out from my lungs.

I pulled his shirt and pushed him on top of my bed. I straddled above him and smirked against his mouth running my fingers all over his chest with a loving brush. My fingers could feel the thumping of his heart just above the clothing, and the warmth melted my skin. I couldn't wait to rip him off of those clothing, see him bare in front of me. I think I'm going to lose myself.

“Then let it come” I whispered and started to plant another kiss not until he flipped me over and I was once again at the bottom.

“Sorry, but I prefer being at the top” he chuckles once I rolled my eyes.

“You never give me a chance” I pounded on his shoulder playfully as he took my free hand and kissed my palms sweetly. The touch of his soft lips onto my skin sent waves of static. Oh how soft and pink his lips were, how I long to see how it would feel all over me.

“I want to have a good look on your face” he sucked my palm softly as his lips travelled everywhere, sending butterfly kisses along my hands to my arms, to my shoulders. I inhaled sharply with the rising urge to take Minseok in came crawling into my stomach and that alone made him laugh as he continued to trail his lips back and forth my arm “See? You give me the best reactions even with just a tiny gesture” 

“Now let’s just shut up and let out bodies do the talking” he whispered darkly and breathily in my ears that send chills all over my spine.

I'm ready for this.

It started as a gentle, but captivating kiss, with a mixture of sweet root-beer and salty ocean water. The taste of it was mesmerizing with each of our lips press together time after time, transporting us to another world and slowly, when he started giving a hard kiss, forcing his tongue into mine, my mind begins to fade. With ragged breathing as his wet tongue entered my mouth and danced bringing a fiery heat to the cold ocean of my mouth, I was lost in a world of lustful desires. 

Only me and him and the world shattered around us like glass.

Nothing exists, only he and I.

I was caught in a whirl that I didn’t realize he had pulled me up with his hand. He gently positioned me on the pillow of my bed and guided his hands to secure down on my hips. Our tongues tied, wrestling each other for sheer dominance. We'd never part our lips, only would we break away was when we'd catch a gasp of air, but neither of us would let each other go for we'll just share what little air we could give by clinging on to each other's mouths.

His hand travelled down to my thighs and lifted them up to rest on the side of his waist. I bucked up my hips as he began to mold my thighs with gentle massages. I couldn’t think of anything, all I knew was that my hands were everywhere, touching and clutching him just to feel every fiber of his being.

Minseok chuckled into my mouth, sending vibrations along my throat as he noticed my grasps growing tighter and tighter as I was asking for more.  He gives me a little teasing, sliding his hands from my thighs, my hips and into my inner thighs-

"Wait-" the warning bells in my ears rang in alert. Nervousness succumbed my being and the pounding of my beating heart panged in my ears.

He stopped his hands just on top of my waist and waited for me to say anything. My eyes were wide, my face must be crimson from that act alone, for what I saw reflecting from his lidded eyes, I was…frightened. Minseok was about to reach for me down there. He was about to- have I been holding my breath the whole time?

“You’re sweating already? We haven’t even gotten to the main course” he grins and strokes my cheek ever so gently for comfort. I found myself searching for his palms when he takes it off from my face.

He slides his blazer off and swiftly he slipped his neck tie throwing it off to the floor with brute force. He acts like he's so impatient, his breathing was already ragged and in fact, he’s sweating already as well! I wasn’t the only one.

The desire was visible in his eyes, breathing, it was all laid out before me. Damnit, just seeing him undress himself was turning me on. How could he give an effect on me like this? I tried hiding my face with my arms for I knew I was getting another bright shade of red. 

He dove back down at me and caught my lips once more. Just with that, I was once more lost in my own day dreams, feeling each explosion of the kisses in my mouth like fireworks in new years. Warm, bright and exciting.

A moment was caught to stop and as if medusa was present, I turned into a statue when I felt his warm, delicate hands snake under my shirt. Without any given permission, he abruptly whisks my shirt off and threw it somewhere in the room. I was too busy being stoned in place to know where it went, but who cares? I'm more worried about my bare torso being exposed to him once more. I was shocked to see he did it so quickly! Who knew he had deft hands? 

I quickly covered myself with my arms hugging tightly around me. I wasn’t at all toned. I had nutella abs! My body was embarrassing for him to see. He didn’t mind it at all however.

“Ah!” I quickly clasped a palm over my mouth as I let out a very embarrassing moan when he started gliding his warm wet tongue all over my belly button and up to my left nipple where he traced invisible circles that had me arching my back in response. I felt his chuckles through the vibration from his throat to my stomach and he seemed to be very delighted no doubt.

That was so embarrassing. To think something inhumane coming out from my lips?  But it felt so good.

He stroked his tongue up and down until I could feel my nipples harden – and down there to harden as he played with it. I supressed some of the delighted moans that threatened to escape from my lips, but the more he touched me, the more I knew my moans would build up. I was just so vulnerable to everything he does to me. Just one touch, and I'm over.

His hands grazed upon my shoulders and I understood right away that he was trying to take off his polo. My eyes blacked out, and my whole body began to heat up. But the moment I regained my consciousness, I realize I was unknowingly helping him unbotton his shirt and a satisfied grin plastered upon his face. I was breathing heavily, trying to heave what air there is in the world, panting ever so quickly as if I've just finished a marathon. Minseok no doubt was pleased.

When the last button came off, my hands slipped until his bare sweating torso lay before my eyes. His skin was so milky white that I swear he was fairer than anything I've seen. His chest heaved up and down, his strong muscles flexed as he shifted his position on top of me. His abs, oh his well-built abs! I couldn't hold back the intrigue in brushing my fingers over his six-pack. 

Kim Minseok was like a work of art. His body, it looked like it was carved by angels. He was so, so ethereal.

I look up at him, our eyes interlocking. I bit down my lips as I cupped his cheek. All of the feelings I have, excitement, happiness, hunger, love, fascination, they were all sending shivers down my spine and having the butterflies in my stomach fluttering non-stop. Just having him here look at me, knowing that the two of us together, alone...Kim Minseok was...he was just so...

"You're so beautiful..." was the last thing I said before he closed his eyes and pulled me closer and closer until bare chests touched. As if there was glue sprawled all over us, we didn't separate, not even a centimeter, unconsciously ravishing in each other's heat.

I let my hand wander around his body, trace his spine, slide my fingers all over his stomach, grip tightly on his buff forearms. Anything just to feel him. To grab every essence of him with me. I just wanted to hold him. Here, with me. And never let him go.

He must've sensed my growing need him for he pecked my lips thrice. Each peck, our lips glued and broke. Minseok was running down my chest and planted gentle kisses on my ribs. Each of them soft, each of them growing rougher. His hands slid on my sides rubbing them up and down, molding my body with each stroke. The sensation of his soft hands against my skin was ecstatic! God, I can’t believe one could feel this wonder with just a simple massage.

My breathing came out short when his lips found my belly button. He gives gentle kisses, making out with it like it was my second mouth. He pressed a kiss and followed by a hard suck that made my hip buck up in surprise. He gave me one mischievous smile before-

Click!

What the-?

I instantly bolted straight to sit-up when I heard the buckles of my pants clicking open. He looked up at me with cautious eyes and without leaning away in between my thighs he slid the belt off from my pants’ waist. I grabbed his shoulders as fear slammed into my heart and crept all over my body. He tugged my pants down revealing my briefs and I pressed another squeeze on his shoulders as a motion for him to stop.

Oh my god, I don’t think I’m ready!

What the heck, we already did it didn’t we? Why am I so scared? I wish I wasn’t conscious. I’m so shy and embarrassed and nervous and scared and-

“Shh, shh” sensing my discomfort, he crawled up to me and locked our lips. He pushed me back to the pillows and gave me long reassuring kisses. He never took his eyes off of me as he whispered “It’s okay, it’s okay shh”

God, the way he’s hushing me…

“Trust me” he kissed me one more time and tugged a sweet smile. He poked my nose and gave me one last sexy grin and licked his lower lip naughtily before he crawled back down my body making sure to leave kisses on the way. My hand gripped the pillow I was laying on and the other was clasped on top of my mouth as he slowly pulled down my briefs, exposing my swelling erection. 

It’s so embarrassing to be exposed so naked in front of someone really and for him to know that I was excited like this?

But he has seen me before, I too have seen him, but…I don’t remember anything.

He crawled back up to me and cupped my face. He pulled down the hand over my mouth and gave it a comforting squeeze. “Are you scared?”

“Uh…” nothing came out of my mouth afterwards. My pupils were blown, chest heaving. All I did was stare into his eyes and found what little comfort I could get. My mind was blank, my heart was racing and my bare manhood could feel the cold breeze nipping. I don't know what to do.

“Shh, shh. Don’t worry, nothing bad is going to happen to you” he spoke quietly. “You trust me?”

For some reason, even though I don’t know anything about his real identity, I trust him. I trust him because… I have these strong feelings for him I can't comprehend any of it. It’s just a feeling you get, you just know it when it comes. It’s just…there. As if ever since you were born, it’s already built in your mind that if you cross this person, that’s how you’ll feel about them. As if that person and your brain was wired to be understanding of each other.

He waits for me patiently unti I nodded approvingly at him and with one more kiss, he went down once again.

I stared at the ceiling, trying to find comfort, a distraction to ease my beating heart just waiting for it. Waiting for anything to happen, anticipating how it could would feel to have him wrap himself around me. I have never experienced anything like it – conscious I mean – and I would count this as a first.

“Ah!”

Soft warm hands grabbed hold of my length. He wrapped his palm around my manhood gently and moved it in a sliding motion, up and down in a slow-paced manner, making sure to massage me on the first go. I took in a sharp intake of breath and groaned in my throat, trying my best not to create any sound that could trigger the neighbours’ interests on what was happening in our house.

Easier said than done.

I moaned, I groaned, I croaked and whimpered in his grasp as he slid faster and faster the longer his hand remained in my manhood more and more, my erection swelled as it grew harder. His fingers played with the tip that made my hips shoot up in the reaction of intense pleasure. As a man we do this all the time, but with Kim Minseok’s hand, it was in a whole different level. It’s as if he had learned a technique to cause such immense excitement – it’s so weird describing it like that, but I can assure you it had a different twist to it that no other person could actually do.

The stimulation I felt was so extraordinary that it sent pools of sensation in my stomach. Am I about to-?

I was alarmed when I felt something wet brush over the tip of my length. I dared to look down to see what it was, but the image displayed before me just took my breath away and a cold sweat trickled down my temples. I saw his tongue playing on the tips of my head. My eyes widened in shock as I saw how artfully his tongue danced on the head. He's sliding it over like I was his personal Byun Baekhyun flavored favorite lollipop. He hummed some 'mmm' and 'hiss', tracing up and down until he could wipe my own flavor clean.

I forgot how to breathe.

His eyes fluttered up at me as he took my length in his mouth, swallowing it whole. My toes curled up and my eyes rolled back shut when he bobbed up and down sucking it hard in each swallow. He took it deeper and deeper until my manhood could reach the back of his throat, making sure to devour and finish me off. He was slow and rhythmic at first until he became aggressive. He pushed my legs up and massaged my thighs to gain more access. I was internally screaming as he used this as an opportunity to graze his teeth along too while it was being swallowed inside.

My hands gripped his hair, knotting them and tangled along to reciprocate the immense pleasure I was feeling, to let him know that I wanted more. I pulled him tight as I felt his hand then play me.

I can’t think straight now! He was just so good at this that I’m- I think I’m-

He takes off from my length and licked the corners of his lips, brushing the back of his palm over his mouth, completely wiping off the white hot liquid I just sprayed all over. Minseok gave a low chuckle of delight, licking off the remaining cum from his lips.

Well, fuck.

“Baekhyun, I can’t believe you’re that easy” he laughed as he was on his knees staring at me in amusement, a genuine teasing grin made his face glow “You came already?”

“Shut up” I managed to say despite being out of breath. I blushed another dark shade of red once he downcasts his eyes back to my mess.

“Well, at least you haven’t reached your climax, it would have been a shame. I wouldn’t be able to see that cute face of yours”

Stop saying that…

He took hold of my manhood that had me stiffening as he went up and kissed me again with desire igniting the world around us as we become lost in a sea of lust. Spicy and powerful that sent waves of passion washing all over us. The world was the sea of passion, but our hearts were burning with desires. I could never get enough of him.

He continued to caress my length with the same rhythmic motion he's doing to massage my mouth. I think I'm so easy to please, but this was just so unbearable.

I love it when he kisses me, I can’t believe this is actually happening. I must be dreaming right now. I’m glad I’m with him. I’m glad I laid my feelings out to him and I’m glad he accepted me.

I just hope one day he’ll let me be on top someday and-

Did I miss something? When did this happen?

My tongue rolled back, my eyes shot a wide alarming stare at his and all I saw was him staring at me luridly. My mouth hung open and no matter how hard I try, no voice came out of it. My hands gripped his forearms for it was the only solace I could find when I felt it; he entered me without me noticing he had already slipped his pants and briefs off.

I was too focused on kissing him that I didn’t take notice that he had penetrated in me slowly. Steadily. I felt myself getting full with his manhood entering my ass. It was hot, it was huge, it was...it was! I can’t possibly take him inside in this condition!

I’m going to throw up.

“Ow, ow, ow! St-stop…stop! It-it hurts!” my eyes were popping out of its sockets when he gained more access inside. I pounded his chest urging him to stop with tears staining my eyes - but I found myself hips bucking up, unconsciously insisting he continue to go in deeper.

Is it still going to hurt like this? I thought if it’s already been done it’s going to hurt less?!

He grabbed my wrists and pinned them back to the sheets. I arched my back feeling him enter slowly and slowly, the corners of my eyes were beginning to water as the mix of pain and pleasure engulfed me. It burned like hell. He was too big to even fit me! I just- I can't. I feel nauseated. 

Why didn't we use lube? Why didn't I buy lube?

“Shh, shh hey, hey look at me” he cupped my face, directing my eyes to solely focus on him. With the intense surging pain, my eyes finally streamed a tear down my cheeks. He wiped my tear with his thumb “Baekhyun, Baekhyun look at me”

The way he said my name, it was so comforting. It was like a gentle caress, a lullaby that helped me feel at peace even just for a split second. Minseok...Kim Minseok was here for me.

“Hey,” he hushed me as he gave me one kiss on the cheek and murmured along “It’s going to be alright, it’ll be alright”

“I-it hurts like hell” I cried, my voice was on the point of breaking like glass. I sounded so fragile, I didn't know I could even sound like that. 

“I know, I know, I know. Don’t worry, it’ll be over soon…” he pressed our foreheads together and intertwined our fingers.

Minseok positioned himself better in between my thighs and raised both my legs to rest on his hips. He continued to push himself further until he found the right spot to stop. I dug my nails deeper into his back and gritted my teeth, stopping the vomit threatening to escape my throat. Minseok planted a kiss on my forehead and took me into an embrace.

“There’s one more thing you should know…” he whispered and went to dive into my ears where he began to whisper quietly, his hot breath that served as a caress on my skin. He nibbled on my earlobes, and licked it for a couple of times, savoring my little whimpers by his ears before he continued on.

The words he uttered completely took me by surprise.

“We’ve never actually had sex”

“What-?”

He then gave me one hard thrust that sent me screaming in pain. I wrapped my arms around his neck, the only salvation I could find now was pulling him close to me. I just needed something to grab onto, something to reciprocate the force that I felt, I just needed to let it out. I cursed and spat on his face for not giving me a head's up for just slamming himself inside of me.

“That’s right, this is your first time” he groaned once he felt me struggle under him.

The fuck? This was scaring the shit out of me. What does he mean by that? Didn’t we have sex before?

“Wh-what…” I managed to speak in between desperate gasps while I winced in pain “What do you mean? D-didn’t w-we?”

“You wanted to know the truth right? Here’s a portion of the truth”

“A-are you s-serious?” he gave one more push, a bit gentler this time, but it didn't help calming the pain. “Fuck it hurts!”

“I asked you if you wanted to push through with this”

“B-because I-I thought w-we – and it’s because I-I wanted you a-and- it hurts! Ow!” I dug my nails deep into his back and heard him groan in satisfaction.

“We went to your hotel room yes, we kissed, made out but I never had intercourse with you. Heck, I don’t want to take advantage of a drunk guy" a small amount of rage echoed through my ears as he clicked his tongue and bit down my earlobes harder.

He didn’t want to take advantage of me?

He’s making me fall harder for him. He’s such a nice guy…

“So this is your first” he quickly added. I didn’t respond.

This is really my first? So…all this time…

“Are you mad?” he spoke so softly that I got a hard time figuring out what he said. It was as if he didn't want me to hear him say it, afraid of what I'll react to him asking it and concerned that it made my heart skip in beats finding it cute instead of getting angry at all.

I shook my head with closed lips. I couldn’t talk much when the pain was seeping into me more and more. He sensed it and gave me another kiss.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you” 

“It’s alright” I managed to breathe out with ragged breathing.

He smiled sexily, “Then will you accept me?”

Grabbing the nape of his neck, I pushed him towards me and licked his lips. Minseok smirked, planting another peck before I chuckled weakly with a tone craving for more “I don’t think I have any other option” 

That was what all it took before he grinned and leaned away from me to arch his back. He stared down, looking at me in marvel - or thinking of ways on what to do with me. My hands instantly shot up to follow him, beckoning for him to come back and share his warmth, as if I couldn’t live without him being close to me. I didn’t want him to lean away, I felt like I needed him.

“I just thought you needed me again”

Yes, that was what he said before. Could this be what it meant?

“This will hurt a lot” he started, with voice of caution and seriousness. “But don’t worry, it will be over soon. Once we’ve done this, it won’t hurt anymore, I can assure you”

Minseok raises both my legs up, stretching them and allowed himself more access. My hips jerked up and I inhaled all the air I could possibly take as I felt him go further in and in that the longer he went I think he could reach the ends of my ass. I moaned with a pool of saliva forming inside my mouth. 

“Be wounded by me” he murmured and all hell’s broke loose.

It’s as if the world and time has stopped moving, everything just became quiet, became still and only the fire, heat and the sound of my bed creaking could be heard and felt. Everything became a pure odd sensation, when he began thrusting his manhood inside my ass sending me to bounce up and back, pushing in and out of me slow but steady. He cups my waist and hold me firmly in place, slithering himself inside and outside of me. I popped with each pound he thrusts, pumping and pumping more and more blood to run to my cheeks. My heart went into a frenzy, my mouth hung wide open with long heightened moans rippling echoes around my room that transcends into melodies only me and Minseok could hear.

There was a song playing around us, a song that played only for the two of us. A melody composed of my moans harmonizing with his groans. A beat Minseok matches with each thrusts. It was music to my ears, music that I've never dreamed of. Music I've never heard in any broadway musicals. Music I've never sung to, music I'll never be able to sing. But as long as Minseok is with me, we can create wonders and endless songs that could last a lifetime.

The song was a slow waltz of reassurance, acceptance and dancing until he went rougher and faster and the music played a fast-paced drumming that told of a story of lust and hunger. In and out he slipped rapidly forcibly penetrating my core. The rest of the world was gone and it was only us who were present and engulfed in our lustful burning flames as our kisses grow more urgent.

“Kim Minseok" a nervous yet impatient whine spilled out my lips.

“Shh, it’s alright, it’s alright” he hushed comforting words into my ears. Each of them sweet and lovingly. We were so sweaty that his sweat that trickled down his brow fell on my lips and the sweet salt taste of him gave way to another moan “I hate that flustered face of yours, and your voice…”

He roared and shut his eyes tight while I tried my best to breathe.

We’re actually doing it.

His hand wrested on top of my palms and gripped it tight. My bangs were matted against my forehead, I felt myself grind at him as he continued to smear calm murmurs in between kisses. How can he be so calm? I can't even breathe properly!

"Damnit..." I screeched, grinding my teeth to further scream.

“You can dig your nails deep into my back if it helps” he threw my hands on top of his back, delving deeper into me.

“Kim Minseok” I cried, letting out distracting little gasps.

He feels so good. This is nothing like I’ve ever experienced before. I don’t think I’ll be able to think straight anymore, it’s like I’m on drugs! I still have school tomorrow for pete’s sake.

He pushed himself harder inside almost reaching the ends of me as if he wanted to break me further. He raised my other leg to gain more and more access and the other massaged my ass. He then began sucking my neck, making sure to leave necessary hickeys and love marks to it, it made him seem territorial, feral. He licked me until my neck was completely covered by his saliva as a mark of territory. He moaned into the crook of my neck when our hips crashed more forcefully that I think would leave bruises in the morning.

Minseok moans, deliciously and welcoming, quiet but only loud enough for me to hear.

I am loud, I know I would be. But the way Minseok moves with such fluidity in thrusting inside me, it's exploding so many emotions in me like fireworks. I want to scream, but I'm afraid I'll be too loud. 

I can’t take it anymore, I can’t supress my screams. I need to…I need to-

“Kim Minseok!-“

He cuts me off by sealing my mouth with a rough and violent kiss. He knew I didn't want to be heard, he knew I must've felt embarrassed. My eyes rolled shut and I just let him penetrate me again and again with the excruciating pain and the sensational pleasure travelling along with the spark of electricity running through our veins. As he offered, I dug my nails deep into his back and I’m afraid I’ve inflicted scratches on his broad and muscular shoulders. He groaned approvingly in my mouth nonetheless.

I could think of nothing but him: Kim Minseok.

“Baekhyun-ah” I heard him curse my name into the crook of my neck.

“Minseok” I bit my lip “I love you,”

I do.

“I love you”

I really do.

“I love you Kim Minseok”

Oh be still my heart.

“I love you, I love you”

So much.

“I love you Kim Minseok!”

In a matter of second, hot liquid dripped from the tips of my length as we reached the climax. A moment after I felt the same hot liquid inside of me gush as I heard Kim Minseok let out a gaspy and breathy voice and he came back crashing down on my chest and continued on thrusting inside slowly to finish what he started and withdrew once he was done. We had a trouble breathing, but nonetheless our lips met each other and shared a sweet moment of a tender kiss – one of those kisses that you get after a job well done I assume.

As our lips pull apart, a cold wind’s breeze flutters over the fires of our passionate love making, extinguishing the desperate heat that wanted to continue. Our breathing comes out in short desperate gasps for air as the intensity has washed away, the music faded and the rest of the world is slowly coming back into focus.

He planted a kiss on my sweaty forehead and rolled over to my side as our chests both heaved up and down in pure exhaustion while we stared onto the nothingness of the ceiling.

It was…amazing. It was wonderful, it was an adventure it was…it was everything.

“Are you okay?” I heard him whisper that made me turn to look at him.

His face was so red and sweaty that it made me laugh, but the pain got ahead of me. He saw my face contort into a wince that he pulled me close and embraced me with his long arms wrapped around my body. He draped one leg above my legs and urged me to come closer as if he wanted me to hear his heart beating.

I wonder, does he hear my heart beat as well?

He better be because…it’s beating for him.

I nuzzled my face onto his bare chest just relishing in his warmth that emanated from his body. I know he won't stay here for the night, so I'll savour all of him for now. Somehow, I feel sad just thinking about him going away.

“It still hurts” I murmured into him and smiled “But it was…great”

“Good” he planted another kiss on my forehead. He stroked my hair hushing me to rest well and it made me feel so safe to be trapped in his arms.

I wrapped my own arms around his torso and pulled him close, never wanting him to go. Not now, not ever. Just to be with him here, meant the world to me. He means the world to me. I don’t want to be with anyone else. Just to be with him would be everything.

“I love you” I whispered again.

He didn’t answer.

Instead, he just kissed me and kissed me until I melted and fainted in his arms and drifted into a deep and magical slumber.

This was a night I will never forget.

I woke up the next day with a small note attached on the headboard of my bed:

“I hope you like Avocado and Omelette Salad because I have one made for you on your desk”

My head quickly turned to my desk with my neatly stacked notebooks and beside it lay the same dish he cooked last night for our dinner. So that’s where that aroma was coming from! I smiled to myself and began to read back on the note.

“P.S. Don’t forget to wake up early. You still have school and I will mark you absent if you come in late. Haha”

“P.P.S. Be careful when commuting to school, I know you’re still in a lot of pain. Keep well okay?”

“P.P.P.S. Remember what I told you last night, don’t forget it okay? Keep it in mind”

“P.P.P.P.S. I look forward seeing you in school”

I hopped out of the bed and rushed towards the Avocado and Egg meal he had prepared for me! Does he really care for me? My beating and gleeful heart can’t contain it.

But still…

“We never had sex. This is your first time”

“That’s a portion of the truth”

A portion of the truth.

Last night I just learned that we didn’t actually had any intercourse in the hotel, but he did affirm to me I was drunk, and he didn’t take advantage of me. So…based from the clues I got from the day we played the strip-game: we watched the sunset as we drank to our heart’s content because of our problems.

Problems? I wonder what could that be?

That’s one of the truth that I need to extract from him to piece up the puzzles, but right now? I’m just happy to be eating this meal he made for me.

I love him, that’s what I said last night and accepted me. We kissed for the hundreth time, made passionate love-making last night and it was all wonderful. Up until now, I can't believe it all happened - it was all too fast. It was like a dream. A very beautiful dream.

School starts in an hour.

I wonder how this day will go.

It’s going to be different, that’s all I know.

“Someone seems to be in a good mood today” Sehun pointed as he noticed me humming to myself on my seat and it surely piqued everyone’s curiosity. I can’t blame them though, for the past few weeks I was this sulking and nervous wreck who looked like a ghost attending school but now, it’s like all of those bad vibes were lifted up from me and I reverted back to my jolly old self.

Actually, I felt very light – minus the pain in my ass. Literally.

“Ah, I just found a good piece for my audition for MID School of Artistry” I lied and the unintentional goofy grin I had on my face helped the lying to be a lot easier.

Hmm, the audition. I haven’t even found any good pieces for it. Maybe I could seek help from-

Speak of the devil. As if in cue, Professor Minseok came inside acting all natural like it was just a regular day of classes garbe in his grey suit, his brief case and his brushed up hair, being his handsome old self. I blushed when he stole a glanced to look at me and we both shared a shy smile when we averted our eyes from each other. I grabbed my pencil and twirled it in my hands biting my lip to hold out the laugh that was meaning to come out. Lucky for me, Sehun and Jongin didn’t pay attention to my happy self for Professor Minseok asked us to bring out our text books.

During the class session, he had us read and write an essay about 'Memoirs of a Geisha' as our homework and the funny thing was, we weren’t supposed to read that for it wasn’t even in the reading list in his class syllabus. I wonder, why does he want us to read this book? I’ve watched the movie but I haven’t read the books honestly.

He asked us what we were to expect from the book and so this was the only thing I wrote down:

“The story of a girl named Chiyo who fell in love with the Chairman. She becomes a Geisha with the help of Mameha and she becomes Sayuri and she became one of the greatest Geisha’s of all time”

And that’s the entirety of it.

Is there something special that he picked this particular book?

I flinched the moment I felt his hand brush over my back as he passed through each and every row and column of the seats. I looked up at him and saw him wink at me. This just made me think he was making us take the essay as an excuse for him to come in contact with me. Well, he’s surely making a damn good work.

He passed by me again and brushed his fingers over my palm. I caught his hands for a second. The warmth of his hand sent shockwaves pounding into my heart beating along the same rhythym his pulses made and gently I let his fingers slide away as he went to the other tables pretending to check up on the others. I nibbled on my lip and chuckled.

Oh Professor Minseok, being irresistible again huh?

The bell rang. It was lunch time.

Everyone in my class dashed madly out to the cafeteria hoping to get the freshest cafeteria food possible. Sehun and Jongin weren’t in a hurry at all, or could it be because I was dragging myself too long that they were beginning to wonder if something was bothering me all of a sudden.

“Hmm?” I shot my head up.

“You coming to eat or not?” Sehun held out his wallet, waving it in front of me.

“I heard its Mac and Cheese week, this’ll be fun” Jongin said sarcastically, grimacing at the memory of eating the blasted cafeteria Lasagna. Let me just say, it didn’t bode him well when he went to baseball training that afternoon.

I couldn’t answer nor could I look at Sehun properly, I know I can’t for my mind was somewhere else flying across the school. Searching, wanting and thirst enveloped my heart. I didn’t feel any tinge of hunger for food, but I was indeed hungry for something else and that something was not in the cafeteria.

Finally giving my answer to them, I shook my head “You guys go on ahead, I’ll catch up”

“You sure? Do you want me to buy you anything so that you won’t have to stand in line? You can pay me later when you come” Jongin offered but I refused.

“No, it’s okay”

“Are you sure you’re fine? Do you want to go see the nurse? We could escort you, you know” Sehun too offered.

“I’m fine guys, really. I’m just tired” I lied again.

Sehun and Jongin exchanged looks before finally nodding at me. They gave me one pat on the back, bid farewell and were out of sight. Hopefully they headed straight to the cafeteria and not intend to follow me for where I was going will surely raise suspicions. Making sure I was alone, I checked the hallways and was relieved that they were nowhere and that became my cue to run off.

I kept my pace swift and silent, walking around the empty hallways in hopes of not getting caught by anyone - easy enough. The hard part of it all was making an excuse on why I wanted to visit him again. I slipped inside the faculty room hoping that nobody would take notice of me.

I managed to get in front of his office without being seen by any of the professors in the faculty room, fortunate for me. My hands reached for the knob, but I hesitated. I held my hand and retracted it back to me as anxiety came rushing in me. What if he’s not alone? It’s better to check. I pressed my ear on the door trying to decipher any voices that didn’t belong to him. Luckily, there were none and only silence clouded around my ears. I sighed in relief and turned the knob – click!

When I stepped inside, I didn’t feel any nervousness. I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t ashamed that I came without an invitation, all I felt was this wretched feeling of surging relief when I saw his eyes dart up from the papers he was holding. His eyebrow twitched at the sight of me – mainly because he was astonished to find me unexpectedly to be back. I felt a bit victorious about that a little, seeing him get caught off guard once in a while. I could get used to this. I closed the door silently behind me and only stared at him with a knowing look. He cocked a brow up, anticipating what I was going to do.

But I guess he didn’t need to know what was going to happen next.

“Ah, ah, ow” I clung onto the bookshelves as he pushed inside me from my back. He held a tight grip on my waist as he entered in and out. We didn’t mind a couple of books falling on the floor, we were just so engulfed in pleasure that he kept on a slow and easy pace of thrusting just so we could enjoy and make the time we had together worthwhile.

His tongue slid, licking the back of my ears as he pressed his chest onto my back and tugged my slacks down a bit. I could hear his heavy breathing and it only heightened the atmosphere of the fit of lust I had. My heart was beating so fast I swear it'll run out of blood one day from all the pumping.

That rush of joy and uncontrollable desire, the adrenaline in my veins, he was a drug I couldn’t live without taking. Just to be in the same room with him felt like ecstacy and when we make love, I was transported into another world. Everything would disappear from my eyes and all I could see was him.

I moaned, quiet enough so that the others outside Professor Minseok’s office wouldn’t hear us. If they did, well, it would be so awkward and we’ll be in heaps of trouble.

The hand he placed on my stomach wrenched me up so I could be positioned in a more comfortable way – and maybe for him to push inside for more access. Heavy breathing and the rustling of the shelves were music to my ears really, I can’t take much of how amazing it all felt.

“Why do I get a feeling you’ll be visiting here often?” he groaned behind me, the words barely made it out of his lips.

I just stood there quietly and let him do the work.

I have a weird feeling that he’s right. I might be visiting here quite often.

“Does it still hurt?” he ran his fingers on the back of my head, stroking my hair for comfort.

I winced once he made one hard push and my breath was knocked out from me. I whimpered below him, but I managed to speak “Like hell”

“Sorry, I have to be gentler then” he paced slowly and gently now. He leaned closer placing a hand over the back of my palm and clasped our fingers together. He kissed my cheek and went on and on for who knows how long we did it only for the lunch break bell to ring as a sign that I had to go back to class. He withdrew from me, pulled up our pants up and gave me one last kiss, “See you”

I smiled and hummed a giggle “I love you”

He blinked twice and smiled.

With one more peck, he guided me out of his office.

Basically that’s how everyday went that I never got anytime for doing anything else other than be with him. I’ve tried going for the topic of why we never actually had sex in the hotel, but whenever I visit his office, we embrace, taste and kiss each other in secrecy and I would instantly forget the real reason I come to his apartment – or half of the reason.

Being with Kim Minseok, I became desperate. Desperate to see each other. We would pull each other out of nowhere like he did back then with the janitor’s closet. It could be in the library – how wonderful large shelves could be - in the chemistry lab, the men’s bathroom, basically anywhere we could possibly feel the urge.

And nobody ever suspected a thing, and we intend to make it stay that way.

There were times though, that he would refuse in seeing me. I don't have any slightest clue why for he doesn't tell me anything. It hurts when he pushes me away, I guess it’s because of the personal problems he keeps on saying that night when I actually lost my virginity.

There was a time when I went inside his office and he didn’t even acknowledge me. I brought an avocado for him and he didn’t even thank me for it. I got angry, a little over reaction just because he ignored me. Not even a “hi” nor a “hello” and I willed myself to go and walked out.

In addition, there was a day that he became reluctant when I walk up to him. He avoids getting close to me, he wouldn't even dare look straight in my eyes and would find solace in nibbling on his fingers as if he was trying to hatch an escape plan just so I couldn’t get close to him.

What is he doing?

It hurts, but I gave him some personal space. It’s not in my place to intrude and nose in his business after all. He’s not my boyfriend or anything…but he is someone special.

That's why...that's why I want to help him.

He still hasn’t told me the reason of his actions and he would always tell me: “It’s nothing”. Most of the time he’d make excuses or just ignore me, but he would make up for it when we meet each other in private.

He’ll definitely make up for it.

Heck, I even remembered a certain moment when went into a vacant cubicle and oh, how we undressed each other in such a tight space. I tried being dominant, but he would never let me go on top. He liked seeing me cower beneath him, he was the Alpha after all in this relationship. That moment when we planted silent kisses, one of my guild members named Chen went inside the bathroom along with others. One banged our cubicle door getting angry on how long we took. My face paled as white as a sheet, I didn’t know what to do. Were we going to open the door? How are we going to explain ourselves?

Professor Minseok turned to me and placed an index finger over my lips hushing me to keep quiet so he could handle the situation. He quickly dressed back up in his suit and placed my legs in between his waist as he turned around and opened the cubicle’s door slightly enough to show his face to the students. They all let out an unexpected gasps and made apologies towards him.

“It’s alright kids, no harm done” he smiled sweetly and closed the door once the students all went out of the bathroom. He returned to look at me and smirked “We need to find a decent spot next time”

“My house isn’t available any longer” I teased and earned a swift kiss.

“The clinic? There’s a bed there”

“Are you kidding me? Do you want some sick student to faint when he hears us?”

“Hear you, you mean” he poked my nose “You have a loud mouth Byun Baekhyun”

I rolled my eyes. Indeed, I was never a quiet lover.

“And we don’t want anyone to hear you right? I’ll get jealous when someone hears you moan” he licked my hands and sucked my thumb having me let out an exasperated moan “I’m the only one who‘s allowed to hear you moan, you hear me?”

I swallowed hard, a gulp sound echoed and bounced around our cubicle as he gave me a dark lustful look and a grin that sent goosebumps all over my body.

“And I’m the only one who’s allowed to see you”

The way he said it.

How territorial.

“This is funny” I snorted.

“What do you mean?”

“You really are so bipolar, you don’t notice that?”

“How so?”

“At times you would pull me close, and sometimes you would push me away, I’m just curious on why you’re being like this?” yes, he pushed me away a lot of times, he wouldn’t tell me why but it made me worry tons of times and now he suddenly goes territorial that I couldn’t pinpoint what he wants.

“You’re so selfish” I pulled his head close to me for a kiss.

“Forgive me for being so”

“Remember, forgive everything else”

The promise he told me. What could it mean I suppose?

“Don’t worry, I like you being this way” I told him and took his mouth in mine and relished the moment that he took me in. For the moment, he didn’t push me away.

In one instant, he picked me up from the bowl and pushed me onto the walls of the cubicle. He crashed himself over to me, locking his waist in between my legs and made-out to our heart’s content. He raised both my hands up above my head and once again, we were lost in a sea of endless dreams.

He was my first kiss, my first hand-holding, my first love and I can now finally confirm he truly is my first. My first in everything.

I’m happy that he is. I’m happy that I’m imprisoned here in his arms. I don’t need our relationship to be official, as long as we know how we feel about each other, I’m fine in being like this.

A forbidden love.

A relationship that I hope, will last forever until the decay of time.

“Do you have any recommendations to me Professor?” I traced the spine of every classical book I laid my hands on as I searched through the shelves deep in the library. Minseok trailed behind me lost in thought for what I guess he must be searching for a good book for me to use for an audition. Either that, or he’s just ignoring me again.

Figures.

“Minseok” I call him by his real name and it always gets him to pay his attention to me. I clicked my tongue and approached him to put a palm over his shoulder “Is something bothering you?”

“Nothing, nothing’s bothering me” lies. I can easily tell he's lying and it gets me frustrated when he does it.

Is this how Sehun and Jongin always feel when I give them excuses that I’m okay? Now I understand why Sehun keep gets annoyed by me when I do so. It's getting on my nerves and it won't stop bugging me throughout the day.

I huffed “Are you sure? You’re acting all weird lately”

“I’m just tired with all the teaching”

“Liar” that was my line, saying ‘I’m tried’ and all and it was an easy lie.

“Excuse me?” he cleared his throat.

I gave him a quizzical brow, “Just cut to the chase and tell me what’s wrong. I might be able to help you if it’s bothering you this much” I went closer to him and hid our hands from any possible angles from people who can see us intertwining them, “Won’t you say it to me Minseok-ah?”

He played with our hands, tangling his fingers and stroking them with a caress. He had a small smile on the edge of his lips, but the look in his eyes betrayed him as he shook his head “Don’t worry about me Baekhyun. It’s fine really”

“You don’t sound like you’re okay. Come on, please tell me? I’m worried about you” I balled up my fists in his hands and pounded his chest with the other, “I love you, you know that right?”

I stared into him and saw his eyes weary and searching. Calculating even.

“I know” his voice was faint, a whisper littering with sadness.

“Then why won’t you tell me? You can tell me anything”

He shakes his head once more before letting go of my hand and brushed pass me to go and find another book, completely changing the topic “So, any particular theme you want to center on?”

“Bullshit would be good” I had the full intention of bumpingforcefully on his shoulders almost sending him to knock out of balance. My emotions got ahead of me and I hope he could sense that I wasn't joking. He’s irritating me so much! He’s such a mystery, I don’t know what to make of him. He won’t tell me a single thing and it’s going to keep me up all night again.

He is always like this. Yesterday he’s all lovey-dovey with me, today he’s cold as stone and tomorrow he’ll be kissing me again and again in his office. If he’s going to be like this...I can’t take this kind of treatment! How am I supposed to keep this relationship healthy if he’s not open to me.

“Byun Baekhyun” he called out and ran after me but I didn’t stop, “Baekhyun”

I kept walking, slipping inside every new corner of the library’s shelves. I should be worrying about my audition right now, not his problems. But damn, he keeps invading my mind that worrying about him is never out of the question.

“Baek” he twisted my arm and flipped me over to face him, his expression contorted into anger “Baekhyun don’t you walk away from me like that again”

“Or what? Oh, that’s right. It’s a secret. It’s nothing” I spat, jerking his hands off of me. He remained silent and caused me to roll my eyes “Whatever”

“Hey, hey don’t go” Minseok tried to grab me again, but I dismissed him.

“Why do you care? Oh, I’m sorry. That’s right, you won’t tell me. Why do I ever bother?”

“Can you stop being so arrogant and difficult?”

“Me? Difficult?” I scoffed “Look who’s talking!” I shoved him aside “Now if you will excuse me-“

He tugged me back and took me into a bone-crushing embrace. My eyes widened at the action for I was completely taken aback. I bolted straight and still in my place for we had never ever displayed anything so intimate in public where anybody could barge in on us without any walls to hide us from misjudging eyes. By this act, I knew he was serious for he will never risk doing anything like this that would stir a commotion.

I sighed, “I just want you to tell me what’s bothering you…I don’t want you to face your problems alone…let me be there to endure it with you”

I placed my head and nuzzled my nose on his shoulder, inhaling his familiar intoxicating scent that I have grown very fond of.

He leans away and holds my hand. He stared at it for a long time before facing me with reassuring eyes, “It’s no big deal really”

“Even so-“

“Just try to understand…please?”

He gave me an exhausted look and hoped it was enough to convince me to just shut up and agree. I had no choice did I? I don’t want to burden him further so I just bobbed my head in full understanding and smiled.

“Okay, if you say so…but if it’s bothering you so much, always know I’m here for you…Minseok”

His eyes twitched and his shoulders tensed at the mention of his name and his expression flashed an unreadable look that I couldn’t pinpoint. He patted my shoulder and grinned.

“Thank you”

The atmosphere was thick with awkwardness that I took whatever book there was behind me and told him I needed a monologue for my audition so we could continue on with our search and forget this all ever happened.

“You want to monologue about body parts?” he had a sheepish and teasing grin as I stared at the book I grabbed: The Human Anatomy.

I shoved the book back and punched his shoulder letting out a laugh, “Pervert”

Why doesn’t he tell me? Doesn’t he trust me?

He asked me if I trusted him and I told him I did…but why doesn’t he trust me?

Those questions rolled in my mind in replay during class that I didn’t paid any heed of attention to the professor in front. Actually, I don’t think I can ever pay attention to any of my professors now because Kim Minseok bombarded my mind.

“Just try to understand please?”

How the hell am I going to understand if I don’t know what we’re dealing with in the first place?

I love him so much that I don’t want anything to keep him sad. I guess this is what love really is. You worry for your significant other even if it doesn’t involve you in anyway, because I certainly worry for him a lot.

Brrrrrrrr!

I flipped my phone open once I felt it vibrate from my pockets. I checked the left and the right to see if any eyes were going to catch me looking at the text message I received from him.

Minseok: Have you done your assignment in reading Memoirs of a Geisha? It’s been three weeks since I last gave it. I’m not making you an exception Baek.

Baekhyun: I haven’t sorry!

Minseok: Aha! You’re replying to me. Mr. Byun Baekhyun, please focus on your studies.

Baekhyun: Not my fault you texted me.

Minseok: Just checking if you’re paying attention to class. Just like my reading assignment.

Baekhyun: Read it with me. You are my tutor after all, remember?

Minseok: You sure that’s not the only thing on your mind?

I blushed at the comment and bit my tongue. I will not allow myself to be taken down without a fight!

Baekhyun: What about you? Is there something else in your mind? *wink*

Minseok: You.

See what I mean? Earlier he was all: “Ugh, ignore everyone” and now he’s “I’m thinking about you”

A big fuck you Kim Minseok for making me flail my arms and squeal in glee and for making me look like a fool in class. Jongin and Sehun edged their seats away from me thinking I’m the craziest person they ever saw in their life. I gave them an awkward grin and slowly slid back to my seat like a turtle cooping inside his shell.

Minseok: Something the matter? You’re taking up a long time before replying than usual.

Baekhyun: I really wished I didn’t give you my number. You’re distracting me from class!

Minseok: Can I distract you further?

Baekhyun: How may I ask?

Minseok: Let me just say, I can’t wait to pin you down in my couch in the faculty room and strip your pants down.

I repressed a gasp.

Minseok: I can’t wait to kiss those pink lips of yours.

Are we…? Is he actually sexting me now?

Minseok: Let my fingers run through your shoulders and let it glide along your torso, your belly button until I could get a hold of you in my hands again.

Baekhyun: Don’t do this. Not right now.

Minseok: And I would massage you gently until I could give you a hundred enough satisfaction before I take you into my mouth.

Whatever he was doing it was working. I’m easily getting turned on for I could imagine his voice saying this to me. His breathy, raspy and caramel coated voice that sent my heart wild in my chest, pounding to escape. I clenched my fists feeling myself harden.

This does not bode well.

Minseok: I would then flip you around and let you sink into the comfy pillows of the couch until the scent of our love making would be absorbed in seep through.

Baekhyun: Minseok-ah…

Minseok: And I will enter you and make love to you until you would scream my name into the heavens.

Baekhyun: Fuck you!

Minseok: Sure, why not? Meet me in my office love.

Baekhyun: What-? You-

Minseok: See you Baekhyun-ah~

My face was burning, like I was in a heat of a microwave. He was really good in distracting me, the way he slurs those words? It’s like the pied piper, with every tune he makes the rats followed him and I was the measly little rat that was being seduced by the secret music he plays in my ears whenever he opens his mouth.

I wonder how he could make sentences like that?

Oh, that’s right. He’s a Literature Professor, silly me! Of course he conjure and beautify words like that.

An Incubus at work.

Based from the days he treated me, when he pushes me away, I wonder…what's making him like that?

Knock, knock, knock.

“Come in” he called from inside his office and like any other day I would make my way inside casually and shut the door behind me.

“What’s up?” I inquired gingerly trying to see what he wanted – apart from what we usually do when we meet of course. He sat on his chair and motioned for me to lock the door and I did. Afterwards, he tapped the desk in front of him gesturing for me to sit down. I approached the desk and sat in front of him.  I cocked my head to the side and smirked, “See something you like?”

“Definitely”

We laughed as he edged closer and propped his elbows on my lap.

“Any particular reason you kept sending me dirty text messages hmm?” I tilted his chin up to stare into my eyes.

“Just checking up on you, hoping you were listening to the professor” he grinned.

“That professor bored me to death, it was a good thing your naughty mind kept me up throughout the lesson”

“What have I done to have corrupted your head?” and with that, he pulled me into his lap and kissed me. He laughed in between the kisses and smiled, “Notice anything different?”

My forehead creased as my eyebrows met at the center. Anything differe-

“Oh!” I tittered upon realizing I was on top of him. I gave him a I-saw-what-you-did-there look, “I’m on top, I wonder why is that?”

“Because that’s what you wanted right?” he winked and planted a kiss on my stomach.

But it’s so sudden. What caused him to have a change of heart?

“Minseok, something’s really wrong with you” I sniggered, “I’m concerned that something had hit you on the head”

“I just wanted to make you happy, think of this as a sorry for my behaviour earlier”

“Really?” I ran my finger on his chest tracing invisible circles on the fabric, my eyes twinkled with curiosity. The longer I watched him, the more that I realize something was up.

I mean, this is Kim Minseok something is always up.

He read my thoughts and sighed, “Baekhyun, we need to talk”

Oops, there it goes.

I shifted on my position and hopped off from his lap and sat back on the table. So much for being on top that lasted for just a mere second. I crossed my arms across my chest and bit my lip watching his face contort into a serious expression. He looked so fidgety with his hands that tangled on their own, twisting and breaking with each other.

I waited for a long and agonizing time before he opened his mouth.

“I want to stop what we’re doing for now and focus on your studies” he said it straightforwardly with a blank expression.

What? I blinked twice and cleaned my ears to confirm that what I heard was true. Did he just say we should stop?

“I know what you’re thinking but I’m getting ahead of you, listen to me first” he half-stood up from his seat and sat back down seeing that I have remained calm.

“Okay, I’ll listen to what you have to say” I gurgled in my throat and kept a straight face.

He took my hands and massaged it, “Look, I’m just saying you should focus more on your studies and for your audition”

“Ah,”

“And maybe spend a month studying hard and practicing” he stammered “And perhaps…we won’t be able to see each other in the process?”

“What!?” I spat, “What do you mean we can’t see each other? For a month!?”

“I’m just saying this so I won’t distract you and the text earlier proved to be enough proof”

“What kind of lame excuse is this!?” I slammed my fists on the table “Is this what’s been bothering you?”

“And your constant worrying for me is another distraction, you won’t be able to study if you keep worrying about me Baek. I don’t want to be a bother to you!”

“I thought we went through this earlier in the library? It’s because you won’t let me know!” I pulled my hair tight in annoyance “If you don’t want me to be distracted then just tell me what happened! Why are you being so difficult Minseok?”

“Look, I’m doing this for you” he squeezed my hand but I jerked it away from him.

“For me? What? Breaking my heart?” I gritted my teeth in pure anger, “If you’re going to do this for me, you won’t just blurt something out like, ‘oh Baekhyun let’s avoid each other so you could focus on your studeis’ like hell how the fuck would that help me? I’ll just get worried and get torn tenfold if that happens and you’re still the reason why I’m distracted!”

He stood up and glared at me. What, so it’s my fault? He walked over to the other side of the room and paced noisily. As Kim Minseok, I know he’s trying to hatch some kind of stupid excuse. I watched him go to one side of the room to the other and it ticked me off that he didn’t answer me straight forward.

Seriously, being with Minseok gave me nothing but a migraine.

But deep down, I can’t stay mad at him forever. I found myself walking over to him and hugged him from behind and that halted him in his steps. He threw his head back to rest on my shoulder and sighed heavily. I turned my head to him so that my lips could press on his neck.

“Why would you even suggest such a thing?” I mumbled gloomily against his neck. I searched for his hand and squeezed it tight, “Didn’t you consider that it hurt my feelings? It stabbed my heart, truly”

He swallowed hard and never heeded his attention to me. My eyes fell downcast and just let sadness wash over me.

“And Minseok-ah,” I beamed sadly at him and nuzzled my head on his neck “You were never a bother to me”

His chest heaved up and down taking a sudden deep breath.

“I hope you could see and feel that Minseok-ah” I closed my eyes and rested my head comfortably on his shoulders “I know it has slipped out so many times, but I just want you to know that I love you”

Silence.

“I love you very much Minseokie”

He snorted and spun around with his heel to face me, “Minseokie?”

“A nickname I just came up right now” I eye-smiled.

He chuckled and traced my smile in the air, “I should call you box-shaped smile”

“Box-shaped smile?” I scrunched up my nose, “It doesn’t sound so cute”

“But it’s you!” he pressed his hands together on my cheeks, “It’s the unique thing about you. Now, whenever I see something square I remember you smile”

I blushed and giggled shyly as I rested my forehead on his lips and he kissed it.

“I’m sorry” he muttered under his breath.

I pursed my lips to the left, popping a dimple to come out “Why would you say something like that really?”

“I just…I…” he buried his lips into my hair and smelled my scent “I just thought what was best”

“What, shove me away for a month?”

“I just didn’t want to distract you…”

“I told you, you’re never a bother to me Minseokie”

“I know. It’s just that…you have a whole life ahead of you. You have all the time and means to get your dream and I’m just this big block hindering you from achieving it. Because of me, you don’t study anymore”

“You’re not the problem” the tone of my voice cracked, almost a bitter tone that had urged me to cry.

“Oh yeah? Well, check your report card at the end of the semester and see the results”

“You think it’s your fault? No!” I laughed out loud and hugged him tighter “I’m just really a lazy person”

He shook his head with disapproving glances and clicked his tongue, “Then you should start working hard. You’re graduating Baek”

“I know, I know” I rolled my eyes.

Professor Minseok twittered and pecks my cheek before heading back to his desk and pick up some pieces of paper. He shuffled them and reached out for me, “Pick one”

“What’s this?” I blinked, analysing the pieces of paper he was reaching out to me.

“You asked me to help pick you out an audition piece, yes? Here, I printed you five of them”

“You found me audition pieces?” I was taken aback really, he searched for me?

“Of course I did” he stepped closer “Now pick one. The one you pick will be the one destined for your audition”

I feel so happy! He got me audition pieces!

I love him so much. Thank you!

My fingers tingled each time I pass one paper and the other. It wiggled playfully, chanting a silent eenie-meenie-miney-mo in my head and letting sheer luck that I pick a good monologue piece. Couldn’t decide any longer, I pulled out the one in the middle and flipped it back.

It was an excerpt from Memoirs of a Geisha.

“Huh” I traced my fingers over the letters on the paper and nibbled on my lower lip, “It’s Sayuri’s monologue”

The paper contained a short monologue from Sayuri that said:

“The heart dies. A slow death, shedding each hope like leaves until one day there are none. No hopes, nothing remains. She paints her face to hide her face. Her eyes are deep water. It is not for Geisha to want. It is not for geisha to feel. Geisha is an artist of the floating world. She dances, she sings. She entertains you, whatever you want. The rest is shadows, the rest is secret.”

• Author Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

Peculiar little piece. I wonder why he picked this one out?

Could it be so that I could study alongside my literature class and for my audition?

I looked up from the paper and titled my head to the side “You think this’ll be good? Even though I’m a guy?”

“You’ll be perfect” he nodded agreeingly to himself. He clasped his hands and rubbed it together, “Come, it’s getting late. You better go home now and get some rest, tomorrow’s a Saturday. Have a great weekend”

He was about to go back to his table when I grabbed his wrist and he stopped in confusion.

“Yes?” he blinked.

I kicked the nothingness on the ground as I flushed a bright crimson and felt my heart skip beats moreover when stared into his eyes.

“You know I’m a lazy person right?” I snickered.

“You said it yourself earlier, yes”

“Then you well know that I won’t study this weekend right?”

“Baekhyun…” he bellowed.

“Which is why, I’m going to ask y-you-“ I stuttered and let out a few coughs. Gah, I feel nervous, “I want to ask you out o-on…a-a…possibly a…”

“Spit it out” he laughed.

“I want to ask you out in a date” there I said it.

He blinked hard “A date?”

Yes, the notion of having a date sounds so weird. But somehow, if I could prove to him that being with him while studying and practicing for auditions is okay, then I’ll gladly accept having to go through with the date.

And, I want to spend some quality time with him somewhere where we don’t have to sneak in just to be together. Also, I want to be away from the house for a while, my parents keeps on fighting the shit about anything.

“Just for a day? I want someone to hear my progress in acting. I want some second opinion and stuff like that and since you are the one who picked one of this pieces for me to recite, I would like you to hear it first” my cheeks burned warmer and warmer.

His eyes travelled up and down my body sizing me up and a look that said: is this for real?

“Interesting…” he smirked. He pondered on my offer for a long while, tapping his hands on the table and scanning the room as if he was trying to find the words and answers written on the walls somehow. He gave me another look of amusement and nodded “Promise me you’ll study”

“As long as my distraction keeps the same mind-set” I winked.

“Don’t push it box-shape”

And that sent us laughing until our tummy’s ached in sheer happiness and with that, I know Minseokie and I will have tons of fun tomorrow and we’ll just be there to enjoy it.

I’ll be there as a distraction from his problems, and he to be a distraction to mine.

“Please don’t call me that"

It was a supposed to be peaceful Saturday morning, if only it wasn’t for my parents. My father took all of his clothes and packed his luggage to live with one of his friends. He slammed the door shut leaving my mother crying by the staircase. I didn’t want to bother her anymore, I just cringed from atop of the stairs and ran back to my room quietly.

I can’t believe dad would just leave like that. I curled up on my bed and pulled the sheets over my face as the world slowly came crumbling down. It’s coming to that point huh? Mom and Dad are going to get divorced soon…

Tears threatened to stream down my eyes. The thought of having a broken family, I don’t know what to say.

I just feel…angry.

Don’t they ever consider their son? Do they even remember they have a son? I’m graduating for pete’s sake and here they are just fighting and strangling each other on the bottom of my feet for who knows how long?

Forgive everything else.

The moment I caught the scent of Minseok in my sheets, those words came playing through my mind.

“Forgive everything else” I poked my lip and wondered if I can forgive mom and dad?

How could I? They’ve hurt my feelings.

I might have a strong mind, but I do have a fragile heart.

I’m slowly crumbling down. But…

I rolled over my belly and grabbed my phone that began vibrating where it popped a memo: “Date with Minseok <3 “

Thanks to Minseok, I feel like I can face anything. Also, for being a distraction from all of my problems in the world.

I hugged the pillow beside me pretending it was him and tighter and tighter I smiled myself. At least with Minseok, I’ll feel safe. There was nothing else that I loved other than to be beside him.

It was a good thing I’m going to see him later, I really need to get out of this house for a while. I don’t want to hear mom cry, I don’t want to hear her say foul things about dad. I’d rather hear Minseok’s voice, only then I will find a reason to smile. Find Happiness.

I sauntered my way to the local coffee shop in town with a bag in tow on my left shoulder and a quick drop by the store and bought an avocado – after Minseok’s Avocado Special I’ve been craving for the damn thing all month.

It’s been two months since that special night and how time flew by so fast, it’s already a cold September breeze that brushed pass my cheeks and October 2015 is just around the corner. My eyes looked up to the vast blue ocean sky as I was beginning to be enveloped by the wind that started to pick-up.

I’m going on a date with Kim Minseok. My lips couldn’t stop twitching to smile widely. This is just so exciting, really.

When I reached the hazel-nut doors of the coffee shop, I immediately spotted Minseok who sat by himself on one of the peppermint coloured seats where in the first time, I saw him wear something different and boy, does he look so fine in it.

He wore a white v-neck tank top his muscular and frames carved perfectly to fit him as if he was born to wear it. It showcasing those broad shoulders and guns that made my mouth water. His hair wasn’t pulled back like we usually see him have, instead his hair was parted in the middle and long enough to reach his eyes, and the shoes, they were a neon green Nike that was a sure show stopper. He looked like a completely different person to be honest!

I breathed in and recollected myself and pressed on with opening the door making little bells chime as a sign there was a new customer who just walked in and it caught Minseok’s attention for a smile immediately crept on his lips. I walked over casually to the table and was about to kiss him as a greeting when –

“Oops” I blushed like mad remembering we were in public and there were some elementary students that recognized me on the other table that might get suspicions if they saw me kissing a man. Gathering my senses, I clenched my fists in disappointment and plopped my bum on the seat just across Minseok.

“Hello” he spoke softly.

“Why are you whispering?”

“Why are you whispering back?”

I couldn’t contain a laugh and just let it out and he joined me. Silly, silly man. Always knows how to brighten my day.

“So, what’s the plan?” I shifted on my seat and placed the plastic of avocados on the table. He picked one up and fondled on it and gave me a knowing smirk.

“You’re the one who asked me out on a date, what do you think we should do?” Minseok twirled the avocado in his hands staring at it with amused eyes. I smiled to myself thinking that he found my obsession over avocado pleasing.

“I don’t know” I shrugged my shoulders, completely focused and entertained with him “I’m happy just sitting here with you in all honesty”

I saw him swallow hard but his expression remained the same. My brows twitched at it, but I swatted it away when he placed the avocado back inside the plastic bag and stood up, pulling his wallet from his pockets.

“So, you want some frappe? My treat” he waved the wallet.

“No, let me buy my own” I stood up and gently brushed my hand over him, still cautious that people might suspect anything about us.

He clicked his tongue, “If you’re going to buy, you’ll have to rehearse extra harder later. I’m still your tutor and I won’t leave your studies and rehearsals unchecked Byun Baekhyun”

“Sorry Prof, take it easy” I shot my hands up in surrender and grinned.

“Sit down boy” he mouthed me as I scrambled on my feet to sit down on the peppermint couches.

I gazed at his slender back while he ordered a couple of cups just marvelling his beauty. I imagined the multiple scars I saw on his back whenever he was shirtless and wondered where they have all come from? I would trace them and wonder what stories the scars could tell me. Could he have gone through an accident? A fight?

Kim Minseok is like this giant board game. Only, I’m the only one playing and no matter what I do he’s like this puzzle I can never solve no matter how many times I pick and connect the pieces together, not even when I follow the exact image of the puzzle on the front box, the result would always be a distorted picture and never the real image.

He was a literature professor. He aspired to become a chef. He loves Avocado. He loves Coffee. He loves Katy Perry’s Unconditionally. He loves watching sunsets. He loves reading books. He’s twenty five. His real name is Kim Minseok. And I am his.

And yet, he was still a big mystery; a finished book filled with missing pages.

“Here you go, one vanilla frappe, seventy-five percent sugar as requested” he came back with twinkling eyes over his Dark Coffee and handed me my Vanilla frappe. He made himself comfortable in his seat and drank the hot coffee.“Oh, right. Box-shaped smile”

“Stop calling me that! It’s so…ugh” I grimaced.

He frowns, almost exaggeratingly. “So Byun Baekhyun, where to? Remember no dilly-dallying. You have to rehearse that audition piece. October is next month and I want you to be prepared”

“Hey, I’m a great memorizer. I can do the audition piece a week before auditions” I snorted at the paper I held that he gave me yesterday.

“It’s not just about memorizing Baek, you have to put feelings in it” he sighs and chugged his cup “I thought you’re the company manager of EXODUS Theatre Guild?”

“I know that! I just want to spend the day with you and forget about school”

“See? You won’t study nor rehearse because of me. And you said by going on a” he lowered his tone “date would be helpful to you?”

Seriously? Don’t do this to me. I’ve already gone through shit with my parents earlier, I don’t want to spend my day staring at letters and gain a migraine. I came here to be with him, not his papers.

“Is that still bothering you? Minseok, stop letting it bother you, just let it go! Your mind can only take so much”

He paused for a long while and only the sound of clinking plates and passing cars were audible in the coffee shop.

“Just for a day!” I whispered loud enough for him to hear and gently slammed my palms on the table “We never actually had any dates where we don’t have to sneak around school just to be together”

“I’ll only let you goof around after your audition. Think about your dream Baekhyun, to be an actor!”

Not taking it anymore, I stood up almost knocking the seat off and intertwined his hand with mine and pulled him out of the coffee shop. I am not going to fight with him anymore, I don’t want our date to be ruined only by bickering. What are we, my parents?

“Baekhyun you almost forgot about your Avocado!” Minseok calls me, but I didn’t care about the damn avocado, I just dragged him away from the coffee shop and went wherever I wanted to go.

The park? The Ice Cream shop? A Bookstore? I just let my feet be carried by the wind and guide me to any possible locations. I was blinded by rage, by frustration that Minseok began to question what happened to me.

When we got into one of those walkways covered with large orange trees in between a long winding road, he found the opportunity to pull me away from the street and hid behind the bushes where he twisted my arm and spun me around so I could face him. I bumped into his chest and recoiled when I found our face mere inches away from each other. He wrapped his arms around me like a cage so I couldn’t escape. I struggled in his arms, I pushed him, kicked him, I tried to spin around and hop off, but no matter what he kept pulling me back to him.

I shook my head and gritted my teeth when I saw his blank expression. Can’t he sense I’m angry?!

Striving to get out from his arms and sensing my fuming rage, he lets go of me. I tugged my shirt with a flick and glared at him. He just stood there and watch me swipe the plastic bag of avocados from him and turned with my heel.

“Don’t go Baek” his voice was threatening.

I shot him a deadpanning glare, “Watch me”

Slumping the plastic bag on my shoulders with my fingers, I trudged out from the bushes and into the walkway streets. I stomped out and about and never turned back. I was frustrated. Anticipating. Waiting. Because I know, any moment now he would pull me back and pull me into his arms.

That’s what we always do anyway. This love-hate relationship, this push-and-pull treatment. I tell you, any moment now he would-

Like the swift gust of wind, he swiped the plastic bag from my fingers and substituted his hands in exchange. I was dumbfounded when he did so. My head flipped to stare at him and hoped he would look back at me, but he didn’t. His eyes had dark circles underneath them, his expression was unreadable, his jaw was clenched his mouth was closed into a straight line as if he wore one of those neutral masks you buy in those crafting shops.

He held my hand firmly and secured his fingers tightly as if he was anticipating I would tear away from him. I wanted to tear away, people were starting to watch us with misjudging eyes and who knows if we ever bump to some students or other teachers from school.

Imagine Sehun, Jongin and Ms. Hyorin’s face if they learned Minseok and I are in…

Are in…what?

These people kept staring. Why do you stare? I hate it when people just look at you, they judge you before they even know you.

Even though I perform on stage, I never liked it when people stare at me. I get nervous and scared when they do. Their stares…it was all unnverving…

“Just keep straight, don’t mind them. They are not there” he murmured into my ear as he leaned his head sideways. My eyes were still directed to the front and my senses numbed when I heard him “They are not there Baekhyun. There is only me”

I replayed those words in my mind and in an instant everything in my peripheral became but a blur and only Minseok’s presence was visible in my senses. Now, I felt safe from those disapproving eyes. I squeezed his hand as a thanks and continued on to walk.

He tightened the grip on our entangled hands and paced a bit faster on the long stretch of the walkway until we reached a plaza filled with various people bustling about. Minseok’s eyes searched around the plaza before he got us a bench. He patted the vacant space beside him and let me sit.

Minseok and I didn’t talk, nor glanced at each other. Instead, our eyes were focused somewhere else I would watch a lady strutting in her autumn dress with a poodle on the end of the leash, a toddler who cried because her brother broke her toy or even a man having some taste with that ice cream cone he looked engrossed with. We still remained silent.

This wasn’t the date I was planning. I was thinking of watching a movie together, eat popcorn, have a great breakfast, go dancing in a club or even just sitting somewhere to watch the stars but here we are, giving each other the silent treatment.

I’m a fool. I should have just shut my loud mouth up and agreed to everything he said earlier and just rehearse, but no. I had to be selfish and want him for myself for a day. He’s just doing this for me, for my future.

I am so selfish.

A ball suddenly appeared out of nowhere rolling to Minseok’s feet until it hits the head of his shoe. He picked the ball up and examined it wondering to whom it belonged to, but a flicker in his eyes said otherwise. It was odd to see someone fondle on a ball like that, it’s as if he could read words written on a ball – a memory perhaps that he suddenly remembers?

A frown became visible on his lips once he settled the ball on his lap, twirling it like a top. I just watched him quietly from my peripheral wondering what he was doing and as short for a pesky fly, a little boy came rushing to him and pointed at the ball.

“Is this yours?” he beamed at the boy who nodded rapidly.

“Yes sir!” the boy eyed the red ball adoringly. Minseok smiled tenderly and returned the ball to the boy who bowed thankfully at him, “Thank you very much!”

“Don’t lose it next time, okay?”

“I won’t” the child ran back to his playmates and with a blink of an eye, they were out of sight.

Minseok’s eyes lingered in the boy’s direction for a long time with a look of nostalgia – like that of when one takes a glimpse of the ghosts of their past. He sat there in silence for a long time like a statue overseeing the people of the plaza under the sun’s warmth.

I rubbed the nape of my neck, clueless on what I must do. He will never tell me anything so how would I know what was bothering him?

My hands snaked to pull his arm and wrapped it tight, I felt him stiffen and relax once I brought him to his senses. Without fear and blocking everyone from my view, I closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder. Even without words, I hope he knows that I’m always here for him and that I forgive him. Forgive everything else.

Relief and joy came over me when I felt his head shift as he placed his chin above my head. It was nice to get a response from him, I feared we might never be able to interact again, and yet here we are. I tugged a small curve on my lips and looked up at Minseok where our eyes locked gazes. I squinted my eyes and he responded with the same action in telepathy. He drew my hand and hoisted me up and we started walking quietly.

We didn’t speak to each other. We just let the cold breeze, the sun’s rays and the environment glide us through anywhere we could go. Walking side by side, with our hands tied and swayed in the silent rhythym only we could hear amidst the noise of the plaza.

Even in silence, our hearts understood each other.

Unaware of my surroundings, I was astounded when Minseok stopped in front of a cinema house. He gestured me with his head to go inside. Throughout the movie, Minseok never lets go of my hand even so when we went into some book and shoe stores. I urged him to move in clandestine when some girls from my school were roaming around and we stealthily avoided them, but no matter how hard I tried to wrench my hand he would just squeeze it tighter and pull it close to his heart. After that, I never let him go.

We had a couple of laughter here and there where we completely forgot about our short fight earlier nor did I question his reaction towards the little boy when he went away and neither did I mention about my father leaving our house unexpectedly. I don’t want to bring it up, not now that I’m actually hearing him earnestly have fun with me – in a way that didn’t involve sex.

Just regular me and regular him.

I was not his student Byun Baekhyun, and he was not my Professor Kim Minseok.

No, we were our own people in our own little world.

I think he’s starting to see it now for he didn’t bombard me with studying nor the audition piece, instead he just took me anywhere we could go to play around and have a great day.

Minseok and I agreed to have dinner somewhere else. We didn’t want to attract any unwanted attention from people mostly those who we know if they ever catch us eating in a restaurant, so we bought a couple of take-outs and went atop a hill where the only source of light were either from the stars and moon above or the distant lights from nearby houses and the flashlights from our phones. I took off my jacket and laid it on the grass to place our food above it.

“Great! Let’s eat, I’m famished” I rubbed my hands together with the friction heating my palms up.

“You’re going to eat again? Didn’t you just finish two avocados?” he then gasped jokingly “Did I get you pregnant?”

“Stop it!” I playfully slapped his chest and blushed at the comment.

I grabbed a paper plate and used my chopsticks to dig some chicken out of the plastic containers. Darn I was so hungry that I’m pretty sure if Minseok doesn’t take his share I would get half of his. When my plate was full, I found him just watching me. I tried my best to ignore him and just chowed down on my meal like a wolf.

I’m hungry what did he expect?

But his gaze did make me clumsy for my chopsticks criss-crossed and they fell off my hands countless times. A deep rich laugh enveloped my ears and saw him clap in amusement.

“What’s so funny?” I blushed and shot him a playful glare.

“You’re just adorable that’s all” he continued to snicker.

“Yah! Eat your food!” I dug up a piece of chicken from his share and poked it on his lips. He scrunched up his nose and took a bite “That’s more like it, now eat your food before it gets cold and stop making me look stupid!”

He snatched my chopsticks from my clumsy fingers and picked the food he tended to munch on.

“Oi! Get your own chopsticks!” I reached out to swipe it from his hands but he leaned farther away from me.

“Let’s just share the damn thing” he said with a mouth full of rice.

“Eh! It’ll take longer if I have to wait for you, I want to eat!” my stomach grumbled in approval.

Minseok seeing my hands were in the air to grab hold of the chopsticks, he used his palm to pound my stomach sending me in heaps of belly aches to roll over the grass.

“Why’d you do that?” I cringed in pain.

“See that? You’re getting fat! Look at your tummy Baekhyun. You should go to the gym and exercise more often”

“Sorry but I don’t have the luxury of having the strength and willpower as you to go on exercising. I’m a lazy, lazy person. I love my bed too much that I don’t want to leave it” I sprawled my hands and feet into a long stretch like a star fish in the see of lush green grass where I could see the vast ocean of darkness above me with stars winking at me.

I let out a contented sigh just looking up into the heavens, it was nice to feel so at peace like this once in a while. Just letting the wind blow through the grass and tickle my ears and lay my energy at rest.

Moments later, Minseok crawled beside me and lay down straight and I followed suit in the action. We lay there completely admiring the night, we imagined the sky to be a sea and the stars were fishes. Minseok wiped the nothingness in the air telling me stories of constellations he read in an astronomy book when he was young. He’d point me where the big dipper could be found, or Orion’s belt and if we had a bit of imagination, he’d trace and connect dots from the stars.

It’s so nice to see him like this. Being open about his interests in astrology when he was a child. It made me happy that I get to know more bits and pieces about who he is, what he likes. It’s a nice change and I felt whole. He might not notice it but I am victorious in the accomplishment he was oblivious of.

We went on and on trying to make out bunnies and giraffes from the stars that the wind started to pick up. I shuddered in my spot and wrapped my arms around myself. Yep, the “burr” months September to December is starting!

I tried my best to stealthily move my hands in search for his and when I bumped him, I found a little comfort in at least having in contact with his warm skin. He must have noticed it for I heard him shift and in my peripheral vision he was looking at me.

Without saying anything, he slid his arm under my head and edged closer, hip-to-hip and ran an arm across my torso to pull me close. I closed my eyes and smiled happily. I rolled over to face him, flinging my arms around his neck for an embrace. Our legs got tangled in the process and Minseok locked it with a secure tug on my feet.

Oh how I wanted to drift off to sleep and enter the dreamland imprisoned in his arms under the watchful eyes of the stars, but a part of me wants to stay awake and cherish the moment.

“Minseokie!” I embraced him tighter. I sighed contentedly and stroked his hair, “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me a story about you”

“Wh-what?” he jerked his head off from my shoulders and gave me a bewildered look.

“So, you like stars huh?” I poked his nose “That’s good to know”

A rare sight, he blushed and set his eyes downcast. He avoided my gaze and all I could do was feel triumphant in getting him to show off these emotions. He fluttered his eyes back at me and crept closer. He played with my fingers. When he did so, it made me wonder what he was thinking. He was always in deep thought nowadays…

“Something on your mind?” I ran my fingers over his hair.

“I was-“ he paused, still in his daze of deep thoughts “trying to think of determining some way that I could show you how much you mean to me”

How much I mean to him? I bit my lips and was taken aback at the sudden interest of doing so. I breathed in trying to compensate the marathon running of my heart’s pumping.

This is really something.

“I’m listening, and somehow I can offer a few suggestions” I winked.

“Hold on to it then” we laughed casually together.

I fixed my position to get a good look at him and he followed afterwards. I was just too damn excited really. He kept on thumbing my nails, in search for words to come out perhaps? Anything that he would say, even just giving me a rock would make my life complete.

“I’m wondering something…” he parts his lips. “What will you do after graduation?”

A question, alright!

“If I get accepted in MID School of Artistry, I would continue on in hope of becoming a broadway actor”

He nodded solemnly taking in all the information I was telling him. “And if you don’t?”

“If I don’t?” I poked my lips. Actually I haven’t thought about it. “Then I keep on trying no matter what”

That sparked a great interest in him for it made him snap his twinkling eyes at me and a huge smile plastered upon his handsome face.

“It’s my dream, I should work hard if I’m going to achieve it” I rolled on my back and stretched my hands in a bow and arrow motion and as if I knocked an arrow in place and shot it to the heavens, I said “There’s a saying: shoot for the stars, right?”

“Shoot for the stars” he rolls on his back, a hand over his stomach “Yes, that’s the mind-set I want you to carry”

The way his tone sounded like the same nostalgic voice made me concerned. I rolled over my belly and hoisted myself closer so my chest could rest on top of his. He caught my hair in his hands and stroked it lightly.

“Don’t let go of your dreams, no matter what happens arraseo?” even though he sounded happy, the words somewhat…fell off his tongue and fainted.

I made my way to his face until our noses touched. “Neh, mother”

Everything was going well until the mention of mother had my heart aching with the flashes of the images of their fight earlier this morning invaded my thoughts. I pulled away from Minseok and rolled over on my back with depression seeping all over me. He sat up in worry and shook my arms gently.

“Tell me” he whispered.

Tell me he says.

Not only did Mom and Dad’s fight got me frustrated but it was also his persistence in wanting me to tell him what was wrong with me, but if I asked him what was wrong with him, he never tells, but I didn’t have time to make myself angry.

I gave him a long irritated sigh before speaking, “I haven’t told you the story of how my mom and dad keeps on fighting have I?”

He blinked twice before shaking his head in negation.

“Let me start off by saying: they are planning on getting a divorce” I said it straightforward, cold and harsh. I don’t care how I sounded, it’s just how I felt.

“Why? What’s going on with their lives that made them to come up to that point?”

I rubbed my hand over my face forcefully. “You see, mom caught dad cheating on her”

“Cheating?” Minseok almost choked.

Yes, he fucking cheated on my mom, his son, his family.

“I know my father was a fucking playboy when he was young but I didn’t think he’ll have the balls to do this to us” I spat feeling the bitterness roll off my tongue like it was the most poisonous thing I ever said “Doesn’t he care what my mom feels? He has a wife!”

The wind blew through our ears.

“He has a family”

The flashlight of my phone slowly fainted and the battery ran low until it died.

“He has a son for crying out loud!”

My eyes began to water and I didn’t care anymore that it streamed down the corners of my eyes. I closed my eyes and covered it with my wrist, treating it as an absorbent.

“Doesn’t he care about me?” I croaked as memories of me and my father one by one burned in my memory. “I’m his son!”

I swallowed all of the foul words threatening to burst out. “And suddenly they’re planning a divorce? A broken family? Don’t they think about their son?” I sniffed hard “I’m graduating. Their only son is graduating and yet, they still decide to keep on fighting. Can’t they just find happiness that their son is finally graduating?”

The pain was tolerable but the reality? It was beyond unbearable.

“When I saw dad slam the door shut in front our eyes early this morning, I thought everything was crumbling apart. I never knew he would take it that far and all I could do was just watch in clandestine and watch my mom fall apart on her feet and let the agony and betrayal devour her. I couldn’t stand watch, so I ran to my room and locked myself there” I sniffed and coughed a little.

“Why? Why did it have to happen like that? Can’t they just make amends? Isn’t that what love is? You don’t care what the other person did because love is stronger than anything right? Love gives you happiness right? Then what caused them to be like this!?”

I wiped my eyes violently and shove it down to stare up into the blurry starlit sky until my vision cleared and saw Minseok staring down below at me - his face was emotionless like always.

Kim Minseok…

“I’m sorry!” I laughed awkwardly and hid my drenched face. “You told me I shouldn’t cry right? God, I look ugly”

He tugged my hands down exposing my awkward cry baby face but just seeing him, it dried my tears immediately. He traced his fingers all over my face until he could rest a palm on the side of my cheek.

“Life is hard” he repeated the word twice until I could nod, acknowledging him that I was listening to him. “Love is unexpected, sometimes it’s harsh and if you mix the two, things get very complicated. Happiness, now that’s another thing. You gain happiness through love, because literally and figuratively, Love is the master key that opens the gates to happiness, but in order to achieve love, you have to go through some list of words that I hope I won’t bore you to death in this unexpected lecture”

“I never get bored when I’m with you Minseokie”

“Then pay attention to my class” he laughs. He sat up straight and gestured to his face in a suave motion.

“Attraction” he wiggled his eyebrows that sent me in whirls of laughter. “In order to achieve a certain level of love, one must find attraction towards a person, someone who captures our heart. Even in the early stages, even if you deny you like the person, attraction is subconsciously urging you to get close to the person and befriend them”

Just like how I felt when school began. I blushed to myself recalling how many times I followed Minseok’s figure everywhere.

“Second is befriending – well, attraction and befriending can go vice versa but you know” he gestured another motion where he pretended to cling his arm over someone’s invisible shoulder and for some unknown reason, he used a French accent that made me tumble in a fit of chuckles, he even had a hard time talking because he too was laughing. “You got attracted yes? You want to get closer to him or her yes? Then you go to them and ask to be your friend, you try to get to know each other because you want to know their favourite color so when you bring a rose, it’s the color of a rainbow because that’s her favourite color!”

I guess I’m at this stage, because I really don’t know anything much about him but that’s the fun part about going through the phases of love right? You crack the mystery of one person and the feeling of achievement would be bursting with explosions of triumph.

“When you have achieved closeness, you begin to flirt – I’m kidding, you create a bond. An unbreakable bond that only you two could have. A bond is something unique that keeps two people glued together, whether that bond was created from playing soccer or even loving the same band!”

Or eating Avocados.

His eyebrows twitched as his voice was slowly hushing into a murmur. He cleared his throat and inhaled deeply, unsure of his credibility on this matter or was it something else?

“Next step is confession and courting. This one is the point of no return part of the steps for when you confess all the caged feelings you mean to let out like a lion wanting to escape, you would either be devoured by the lion as a sign of rejection or you can tame the lion and let your relationship blossom further”

“Such analogies, much wow!” I clapped my hands like a seal. He gave me a loud shh! So he could continue on – he found it hard after chuckling.

“Here comes your favourite part” he winks ever so teasingly. “Passion”

“Oh, you suck!” I pulled out some blades of grass and threw it to him who defended himself with his arms and laughed.

“When you get to passion “ he made sure to wink at me and I rolled my eyes “this is the part where it gets intimate. You feel not just physical and emotional attraction towards your partner but you feel sexual attraction that could lead to I don’t know, hand grabbing, bookshelf clinging, cubicle making-out sessions, a lot of moaning”

I punched his shoulder trying to get him to shut up. Clearly, he was referring to our secret activities. Teasing, emphasizing everything we have done for the past few weeks – he also gave hints on what we’ll do for the coming days.

He brushed me off gently and adjusted his shirt. “After you feel passion, it evolves into something more and more complicated. An abstract if you would like it”

“Love?”

He nodded solemnly and nibbled on his lips. The atmosphere around him changed.

He took my hands and with a finger, he drew circles on my palms. During that whole motion, he never looked up to me and meet my loving gaze that was watching him peacefully and tenderly. We were quiet for a long time, like the earth stood still and we were the only ones in motion. Not even the wind’s cold breeze came to greet us. It was near deafening to be honest, but I was fine with everything for I was just sitting right in front of Minseok.

"Love is unconditional. Love is unpredictable. It is unexpected, uncontrollable, strange and most of the time unbearable” he murmurs, almost too quiet.

With those words, he clutched my hands tighter like his inner goal was to break my fingers. I winced at the pain but I shoved it off in the back of my mind. Right now, I have to hear what he has to say.

“Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not arrogant. Love is not rude”

He tickled my palms with his fingers that wiggled and a second after he pressed it hard. I couldn’t comprehend what was going on with his mind, but I know he was thinking and digging deeply again. His eyebrows scrunched, his eyes squinted, his muscles went from tense to relax.

“Love is abstract. Love can be concrete”

“Minseokie?”

He darted his head up to look at me upon hearing my concerned tone. He pressed his lips tight into a close and stared down back to the ground.

“Love is cruel, love is a murderer in disguise”

He chants, so quietly and filled with weariness.

“Love can lead to certain problems, hate, disgust and even hurt”

This time, he stared at me with a sad smile and pulled my hands closer to him.

“Even if you have the strongest relationship with one person, adversity can and will always be there to test you” the way it rolled off his tongue, he sounded like a tragic author of a story. “Even a stone can be worn down with enough rain”

I grinned at him, recognizing the sentence “You just quoted Memoirs of a Geisha to me”

“Not to you but at you” he frowns deeply.

At me?

There was a slice of silence only for him to quickly add “Your parents…you mentioned that your father cheated on your mother…I just want you to prepare yourself for what’s going to happen if it’s going to happen”

“You mean the divorce?” I clutched his hands tighter, unbelieving that I mentioned divorce again. It pained me more than I thought it would.

“It’s possible, it depends on them really. It is not for you to decide”

“If they ever go under the divorce, then screw them”

“Don’t say that Baek. It’s not their fault that they are in a lot of pain right now” Minseok gritted his teeth giving me a disapproving look. “Forgive them”

“Forgive them? How in the hell am I going to forgive my father for cheating on my mom? How am I going to forgive him for leaving our family?” I shook my head in negation “How is it possible to make room for forgiveness for such a thing? Do you think our family will ever achieve happiness after all that?”

He sighed, almost giving up in pushing through with the conversation seeing my eyes lit with wild fire. Minseok threw his head back to let out a breath. He looked to the left and then on the right searching for anything, just anything.

“When you achieve the level of love…” he began slowly from a murmur “you start finding happiness. Happiness is the one thing that keeps love fruitful. Happiness is a choice, it’s between them or in you who gets to decide if you choose to be happy”

“Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain. But you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain, right?” he smiled grimly “If you choose to walk away in the middle of the rain, then you wouldn’t see the rainbow instead you’ll just sulk in a corner and let all the problems coop up in your head but if you choose to stand and watch, feel every bit of the droplets of water until it runs out, then will you be able to witness a magnificent streak of colors in the sky and know all the waiting, the process of going through with getting drenched, you trusted yourself to see that it was all worth it”

“Trust” he emphasized the word and made his voice a little louder.

Yes, trust. That’s right. That’s what I’ve been wondering about him.

Hopefully when he tells me his definition of trust, I would understand why he doesn’t tell me anything. Could it be because he doesn’t trust me? Maybe he has a code on why he musn’t.

“Trust is the final ingredient to love and happiness. Without trust, you can never have a happy relationship. Having trust and being committed is more important than love for it enhances your love. Whether it’s just friendship or a relationship all bonds are built in trust. Like the famous saying: Trust is like having a phone with no service. What do you do with a phone with no service? You play games”

“So…do you think – are you saying, mom and dad-“

“I’m not saying this to hurt you Baek, I’m sorry I’m just…I want you to be prepared for anything. I told you before, life is hard and- please don’t start crying again” Minseok cups my cheek.

“I’m not, I’m just-“ my face twitched uncontrollably.

“I just want you to understand that, when you love someone, hurt is kind of part of the package”

He didn’t stop fondling with my hands. And brushed his thumb over my cheek.

“That is why I want you to forgive everything that will happen in your life and move on. Achieve your dreams, live your life, enjoy it while you still can”

I shook my head. Why does these things happen to me?

“Don’t think too much of your parents. I know it’s painful but if you let pain succumb you, you will never see the rainbow in the end of it all. This is why I push you to study, push you to rehearse for your auditions for MID School of Artistry because I want you to have a good life, despite of it all”

I didn’t expect us to be this melodramatic really. I thought this date was going to be fun and entertaining, but here we are yet again being our melodramatic selves. Funny thing was, we’re artists. He favors literature, I favour theatre. Is this what art has taught us? No wonder painters and artists were considered crazy, because now I was losing my mind.

And my mind was popping with endless questions. I know he wants me to have a good life, understand that problems are unavoidable but why does he makes it his obligation to do so? What caused him to do this?

“Minseok” I flatten out a serious tone that caused him to stiffen. We talked about love, we talked about happiness. If he says trust builds happiness and the theory that he doesn’t trust me, then is he really happy to be with me?

“Yes?”

“Are you…happy with me?”

He blinked hard and kissed my palm. “Of course I am”

“Do you trust me?”

He was silent for a while but managed to speak quickly “Of course I do”

“Then why don’t you trust me in telling me the truth?”

There it goes.

The hands he held with mine, I swore I could feel his pulse running and beating through. His palms began to sweat and his eyes scanned mine wildly. He punctured his tongue to the side, touching the wall of his cheek.

“There are things…better left unsaid” was all he can say.

Things better left unsaid? Hell no.

“But you told me that happiness is built in trust. You told me you’re happy with me, you told me you trust me and yet you won’t tell me the truth?”

“Not everything is needed to be exposed immediately Baekhyun”

“Then when are you planning on telling me?” I roared.

“When the time is right”

“When will that be? Twenty years from now? Fifty years from now?”

“Baekhyun-“ he tries to hold me hands firmly, but I managed to let him go.

I jerked my hands off from his grip and pounded his chest hard making him wince with the stinging pain. I’m angry, I’m frustrated, I’m confused, I feel betrayed and all the mixed emotions that was written on my face that I was not okay.

“Baekhyun calm down”

“Oh hell Minseok! Why won’t you let me understand? If you have an ugly birthmark on your butt or you stole a ball from a child when you were eleven I don’t care because I love you” I shoved his chest with a strong push, “If you’re in pain tell me! If you’re scared tell me. I’m just here! I’m always here…”

The tears that I thought has disappeared travelled down my face. A twinge of pain crossed Minseok’s face as his eyes twitched. I glared in a hostile manner that sent his adam’s apple to bump up and down.

“What are we Minseok”

“What do you mean?”

“What are we? What is this?” I said it in a demanding tone, spreading my arms to gesture the both of us “We kiss, we hug, we have sex for goodness sakes! What is this relationship that we have? Is it for fun?”

“No” he croaks.

“Are we fuck buddies then?”

“No!” he yelled in protest, he took it with much offense.

“It seems like it!” I growled “You take advantage of my feelings so you can lay your hands on my body right? That’s what we always do! Heck, I’ve never-“

Smack!

There was a painful stinging pain, a burning flame that kindled on the side of my cheek where my hand found itself to press for comfort. A tear dried up in the spot of my pink cheek and that was the last of the tears that fell from my wide disbelieved eyes.

Minseok just slapped me across the face.

“Shut up!” he gritted his teeth and balled up his fists. He roared ferociously and it struck fear in my heart. I’ve never seen him so angry like this. Heck, I’ve never seen his eyebrows meet at the center because of rage and knowing that I was the cause of it made me feel ashamed of myself.

“You want to know the truth? Fine!” he gripped my forearms and let his nails sink into it. I whimpered in pain, but he didn’t care, he just kept on digging his nails until I know I could bleed. My ears felt heat as it turned red.

I shouldn’t have pushed his buttons. I am a fool, I’m so selfish that I didn’t care about his emotions, his-

He shook my body with anger, but slowly and slowly, his face reverted into a frown and set his eyes dejectedly at me. He shook me roughly and per second he stopped and gave up to let his head hang. Minseok lets go of my forearms and let the top of his head go down to bump into my chest.

Minseok…

As if it was the hardest thing he could do, he pulled his head up with a heavy heart and clasped both of his hands on the side of my cheeks. He frowned that the corners of his mouth dug deep. He brushed a strand of my hair that fell in front of my face away and stared at me with tender eyes.

“I told you earlier that I was trying to determine a way to tell you how much you mean to me…” he murmured a soft whisper.

I bobbed my head up and down, still in shock of the pain on my cheek.

“Then what I can offer to you is…the truth…”

The truth. Is he really going to tell me now? Pinch me I must be dreaming!

I scanned his eyes with gratefulness, while he searched in mine. I smiled at him and patted the hands the were on my cheeks.

“Take the time you need” I said sweetly, but his expression was unchanging.

There was something by the way he looked, I can’t comprehend it but there was a lot of hesitation. I picked one of his hand and planted a kiss, reassuring him that it was alright.

“The truth is…” he sighed gruffly “when I’m with you…I”

“Yes?”

“When-when I’m with you”

“You’re so adorable when you’re flustered” I tried making the atmosphere a little light, but it didn’t help at all. His expression was just the same. He brushed my hair up and pressed our foreheads together as he closed his eyes.

“Byun Baekhyun…when I’m with you, I feel like…everything’s okay” his tone was filled with forlorn and loneliness that I felt a tug in my heart strings. I was moved that urged me to embrace him, but I sat still, knowing that doing nothing was for the best. His voice cracked and quaked as he continued “You make all the pain go away…”

Minseok…

“And for once in my life…I feel safe”

He hung his head low.

“When I’m with you everything was washed away. I forget all the bad memories, all the godforsaken pain, all of the mistakes I made, even with just seeing your box-shaped smile it brightened up my world”

“Minseok I…”

“And because of you, I found solace. I felt like I’m alive again and I’m not this living corpse walking around the earth”

Walking corpse? Solace? What is he talking about?

“Because of you, I feel alive again”

“Y-you do?”

“But because you’ve become so important to me…I’m getting scared”

“Scared of what?” my voice broke into short cries of desperation. I need to know, I want to help him.

He shook his head “I told you to never fall in love with me. I’ve tried and tried to push myself away from you”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to be a hindrance in your life Baekhyun,”

“But you’re not Kim Minseok, you’re not!” I pressed my forehead to him and the tears found themselves to come down once more, “What makes you say these things? I don’t care about what you did, I don’t care what you are, I just want to know what’s bothering you. I don’t want anything Minseok. All I ask from you is to tell me, let me suffer with you Minseok because I’ve given my heart completely to you and I want you to know I will go through everything with you, if you would let me!”

Please let me Kim Minseok…

“That’s the problem god damnit” he grinded his teeth “You’re so willing to give your all and it’s scaring me. I don’t deserve you”

“You damn deserve me more than anyone else Kim Minseok!” I sobbed and collapsed in his arms “Stop saying these things and hurt me again and again”

You do me damage.

“I’m doing this so I can no longer further hurt you Baekhyun”

“What do you want? We end this here and now is that it?” I cried.

Don’t do this now.

“I’m not giving up on you Kim Minseok, I swear it” I gulped down all the foul words I wanted to scream at him, “I love you and I’m not giving you up that easily and if you love me too, you would do the same right?”

No response.

“Right?”

His lips found mine once he pulled me up. He pinned me down gently on the bed of grass and kissed me and gave me silent words through each brush of his lips on mine. He didn’t need to tell me anything for in the kiss, he communicated to me everything he felt.

Sorrow, loneliness, apology and care.

I let him kiss me, let his tears drop into my eyes. Let him tell me through it all what words he couldn’t voice out.

“I’m sorry” he wept in between the kiss “I’m so sorry I said those things”

“It’s okay, I forgive you” I said it meaningfully and as our inside joke.

A tear fell upon my cheek and I wiped his eyes.

“Curse you Baekhyun” his voice was a hoarse whisper.

Eh?

“What did I do?” I didn’t know whether I should laugh or be offended.

He smiled brightly, his eyes disappearing in the process. He grabbed my hand and placed it over his heart where I felt him beat with thunderous like horses galloping in the meadows. I could almost hear it visibly enough that made my cheeks blush in happiness.

“Curse you for making me fall so deep for you” he bit his lower lip and squeezed the palm over his heart.

I threw my head back with tears of joy stream out of my eyes. I took Minseok’s lips in mine again and we rolled over the grass with laughter that echoed throughout the horizon with hearts beating as one under the starlit sky.