Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s loud tonight. 

Everyone is loud tonight. 

Imogen’s head is pounding as the noise persists. This always happens when they stay at an inn. All of the thoughts from the other guests and even from the people at the bar downstairs flood into her mind and she can’t stop it. 

Another round! A deep voice

I think he’s had enough… A softer voice

It’s not usually this hard to get a hold of it. But she’s exhausted from the fight they had today and she doesn’t have any energy left to hold up her mental walls. 

The noise hurts as she makes her way up the stairs and into the room she and Laudna will be staying in tonight, but it barely feels like she’s even there. Her feet are heavy and she’s grateful when she finally sits on the bed. 

More voices overlap in her head. 

I think tonight’s the night he finally asks me out.

I think tonight’s the night I tell her I’m engaged.

It’s a strange sensation, having your hearing start to muffle but your mind is still screaming and your heart is pounding. It's like you can hear everything and nothing at the same time. 

She can’t hear a single thing her party is saying right now. 

The rest of Bells Hells followed them into the room and all sprawled out on the only bed in there. It’s cramped, and Imogen tries to remember what they were discussing before her brain turned off, but everything else is so distracting. She doesn’t know who is talking right now, but all she hopes is that no one is talking to her specifically because there is no way in hell that she’d be able to respond. A small part of her just wants everyone to get out so she can try to go to sleep. 

Her ears are screaming.

After a few painful moments, she reaches up to cover her ears and leans against the wall behind the bed. It doesn’t stop the thoughts racing around in her mind, but it at least makes the pain a little less. Her eyes squint shut, trying to help with the pain even more, but she only gets slight relief. It takes so much effort to hold her hands up over her ears. Her entire body feels like it’s made of cinderblocks.  

Now her own thoughts are joining in with the others. 

How long will so many people be in this inn?

Is the bar open all night? 

Oh gods I don’t know if I can handle this all night.

It’s so loud. 

It’s so loud. 

It hurts. 

It HURTS.

She doesn’t realize she’s started crying until her chest starts to heave. It’s all too much. 

She gasps as someone puts their hand on her arm and it stings , so she flinches away. 

No more . She wants to say. I don’t want anymore.

But the only thing that comes out of her mouth is a whimper and a whine. It’s so frustrating when her voice stops working. Why does it always stop working when she needs it the most? They’ve been working on Imogen advocating for herself and her needs more but how can she do that when her voice decides to just not work anymore? 

She hears some muffled talking, but can’t make any of it out. Something shifts around her and then stills again. 

The next feeling Imogen gets is something being placed on her head. She struggles a little bit as whoever is placing thing this on her tries to shimmy her hands that are cupping her ears to the side to get the item to rest on her head. But once it is fully on her, the sound gets quieter. Instead of all of the thoughts screaming at her, they are a soft murmur in the background of her mind. After a few minutes, they disappear all together. 

And then it’s quiet . 

She can still feel her heartbeat in her ears, but her head isn’t screaming anymore. Maybe now she can try to get everything else under control. 

She tries to focus on her environment without opening her eyes just yet. It seems like there are less people on the bed now, it doesn’t feel as congested. Imogen shifts slightly, and bumps into someone next to her, but it doesn’t hurt. This person feels safe. She’s not looking at them, but a deep part of herself knows this is her person. 

Laudna. 

Laudna is here. 

Safe. 

Safe. 

Laudna (Safe)

Imogen cracks open her eyes ever so slightly and she looks at the beautiful woman sitting next to her. 

“Hello, darling.” Laudna says, quietly. 

Imogen slowly lowers her hands and rests her head on Laudna’s shoulder. 

I’m sorry , Imogen says in her head. 

No need to apologize, darling. Was it too loud?

Yeah . 

I think we both forgot you weren’t wearing your circlet when we checked in here. 

Her circlet. She reaches up and runs her fingers over the item. 

Thank you . She tells Laudna. 

Laudna holds her hand out, giving Imogen full agency to give it or not. When she does, Laudna kisses the back of her hand. 

“Of course, my love.” She whispers. 

Imogen’s eyes flutter shut for a few moments, giving herself a second to readjust.

“Wh-Who tried to help? That I moved-” She starts. 

“Ashton. But don’t worry darling, he understands.” Laudna finishes for her.

Imogen always feels terrible when this happens. When someone tries to help her but their touch hurts. This has happened many times before, and Imogen has explained many times. She understands that her party forgets in the moment, though. If she saw one of her friends needed help she would drop everything to help them. She knows Ashton meant well. 

She makes note to thank him for trying to help the next time she sees him. 

She’s brought back to reality by Laudna running her fingers through her hair.

“Are you still here with me, darling?” 

She nods silently, eyes fluttering. 

Gods, she’s so tired . 

“Let’s get you to bed, Imogen. Come, let’s change into something more cozy.” 

The love of her life then proceeds to help Imogen out of her adventure wear and into her pajamas and all Imogen thinks about is how lucky she is to have Laudna. 

How before she met her, she had no one to help her through any of the pain her brain caused her. 

How they help each other, it’s not just a one way exchange.

When they get back into bed, Imogen reaches up and rests her hands on Laudna’s face. She kisses her softly and rests their foreheads together when the kiss finishes.

“I love you.” She whispers.

“I love you more than anything.” Her person replies.

And then Imogen feels her exhaustion taking over. When she finally falls asleep, the only thing she can feel is safety . 

Chapter Text

When Imogen wakes up the next morning, she immediately feels the cold radiating off of Laudna’s skin. She sighs, content. Imogen always ran hot, especially after a bad night, so this felt nice. It’s one of the reasons why Imogen thinks she and Laudna were destined for each other. 

After a few moments of Imogen not being able to fall back to sleep, she started to notice the slight pressure in her head. She groans, knowing that pressure meant today was going to be extra difficult. It was the start of a headache, and when Imogen had headaches, her senses became extra sensitive. It also means that she most likely did not have her voice this morning. It was going to be frustrating, but Imogen has to make do. 

She’s broken out of her thoughts by a hand softly running through her hair. Liking the feeling, Imogen leans into it. 

“Good morning, darling.” Laudna whispers. 

Imogen hums in response, her eyes fluttering shut at how nice it feels. 

“How are you this morning?” Laudna asks, still whispering since she doesn’t yet know where her girl is at. 

Imogen tries to speak, only to confirm the fact that her voice is indeed gone. She decides to very carefully shake her head, to not give the headache a head start at getting worse. 

“Your head?” Laudna asks.

Yeah, still at the beginning of it but it took my damn voice already. Imogen replies in her head. 

I understand. What do you need? Laudna replies, even whispering in her thoughts. Imogen could cry at how considerate her girlfriend is. 

Just you right now . Imogen replies, and lays her head back in the crook of Laudna’s neck. 

Of course. Is my hand in your hair alright?

‘s perfect.

Alright darling, go back to sleep.

Imogen does just that. Whenever she feels this way she falls into such a deep sleep that she doesn’t dream, which she is grateful for. She doesn’t think she can handle another dream of the storm right now. It would send her into another shutdown and she did not want two in a row. 

She was woken up, however, by talking and Laudna shushing. It was her party again, she couldn’t figure out who. Based on Laudna’s shushing, Imogen assumes they barged in and just started talking really loud. She squeezed her eyes and let out a whine, annoyed that she was woken up. 

“Oh shit, sorry Imogen.” She hears Fearne, speaking at a softer volume. 

The rest of the party repeat the apology, each whispering now. She makes a note to thank them for that later. 

Imogen opens her eyes then, shifting her head to both be resting on Laudna’s shoulder but also looking at her party. She makes herself nod slowly, acknowledging their apologies despite her lack of voice. 

“Are you doing any better today?” Fearne asks. She takes a seat at the edge of the bed, leaving enough distance that Imogen usually wants after a bad night. 

Imogen holds up her hand and shakes it back and forth, to say ‘so-so’. Fearne nods.

“No voice, then?” A new voice asks, this time Imogen looks toward the voice to see Orym with a worried look on his face. 

Imogen gives a thumbs up to that, wishing her ability to talk to people in their heads can be to multiple people at once. 

Do you want to talk or do you still need quiet, darling? I can have them go. Laudna’s voice appears in her head. 

I’m okay, I love you for checking, though. Imogen responds. 

I love you too. Just say the word when it gets too much.

Thank you, honey. 

Imogen and Laudna sit up a bit to continue the conversation. Imogen still attaches herself to Laudna, needing the comfort of her person’s touch, but now they’re able to look at the rest of who is in there. 

While the rest of the group is talking, she notices Ashton standing towards the wall, looking unsure. He looks like he doesn’t know whether his presence is wanted or not. He hasn’t said a word since coming in. 

She decides to open up a connection with him. 

You can come closer . She decides on saying.

He shifts slightly, but doesn’t move. 

Are you sure? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.

I’m sure. I’m sorry about my reaction last night. 

You don’t have to apologize for anything. I shouldn’t have touched you. I’m sorry. 

Imogen sighs, nodding slightly. 

I appreciate that. But what I appreciate more is the fact that you tried to help me . She replies. 

He gives a short nod in response. 

I just wish we could do more to help give you the peace you deserve. He replies, then leaves before Imogen can respond. Well, she could respond, because there’s still time left in the connection, but even she can get the hint that he didn’t want to continue talking after that. 

So she closes the connection and opens hers with Laudna back up, taking a deep breath and closes her eyes yet again. 

Imogen, darling.

Mmm?

You should eat something.

It doesn’t matter that she can’t remember the last time she ate, if she ate anything right now she was sure she would throw up. 

No thank you, not now. She decides on replying. Laudna doesn’t need to know the gross details. 

Are you sure? It's late afternoon right now. 

‘M sure. Wanna sleep.

Did you talk to Ashton? 

Mhm. He’s a real softie, secretly. 

I can see that. Okay, get some rest. I’ll wake you in a little bit to eat some food. 

M’kay. Goodnight, I love you. 

I love you too, darling. 

Imogen falls back into a deep sleep. She’s been sleeping all day, and yet she’s still exhausted from everything. Hopefully soon she’ll feel better, but the amount of time it takes for her to recover varies. 

She sleeps too deeply to dream again, and this time she’s woken up to Laudna placing a kiss on her forehead. 

“Imogen, wake up.” Her girlfriend hums, her fingers still combing through Imogen’s hair. 

Imogen opens her eyes and lets out another groan, which seems to be the only sound she’s able to make today, and sits up ever so slightly, before resting her head back on Laudna’s shoulder. 

She slept all day. Laudna’s right, she should wake up now. But the fingers running through her hair feel so nice and Imogen feels so comfortable. It would be so easy to just close her eyes and…

If you want me to stay awake you gotta take your fingers out of my hair. Even though I love it. She sends to her girlfriend, whose fingers continue for a few more seconds and then stop. 

“Okay, darling. Up you get, we have to get you some food.” Laudna replies. 

The pain in her head is less now, but Imogen still isn’t very hungry. She’s not sure that she’ll be able to handle much. 

I’ll try. I don’t know if I can have much, though. 

“As long as you try, that’s all I care about.” 

Imogen nods, happy that her head doesn’t hurt doing so. She then realizes a very important detail of what eating entails and can feel the anxiety starting to rise. 

I can’t go down there, Laudna. I’m just starting to feel better I don’t -

She’s interrupted by a quiet knock on the door. Laudna gets up and opens it to reveal Chetney waiting with a bowl of broth from downstairs. 

Laudna whispers a thanks to him, and Chet looks at Imogen with a small smile. He gives her a thumbs up and goes back to his room.

Imogen feels herself start to cry then. She can’t help it, all of her emotions from the past 24 hours have just started to burst out of her.

Laudna immediately puts the broth down on the table and rushes over to Imogen. 

“Imogen, can I touch you?”

Imogen answers by throwing herself onto her girlfriend, tightening her grip. 

“What is it, darling? Is it your head? You can go back to sleep, I’m sorry -”

Imogen cuts her off with a kiss, which helps calm both of them down. 

I’m sorry . She sends. I just got overwhelmed. 

Laudna holds her, giving Imogen time to collect her thoughts. 

I’m so grateful for you . You do so much to help me when my brain is all fucked. I’m still getting used to it. Imogen pulls away to look at her girlfriend, cupping Laudna’s cheek with her hand. 

Laudna turns her head so she can kiss the hand and then looks back at her girl. 

“I would do anything to give you peace. You deserve it.” Laudna tells her. 

Gods, she’s in love with this woman. Imogen can’t imagine herself anywhere else. 

They spend the rest of the night together, either just enjoying each other's company or playing with Pate (who was a very good boy and was quiet for Imogen). 

The next day, Imogen was ready to travel, and Bells Hells started back on their journey.