Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When asked why he joined the military, Havoc never really had a great response. Like many soldiers, he wanted to help others and he was good at working hard, had one hell of an aim, and understood people from all walks of life. Similarly, like others, he needed the money. Jean Havoc never figured out what he was meant to do in life, but after school wrapped up and he spent a couple of years helping his parents with their shop, he knew he needed to change things. 

Luckily, guns and drills and following orders all came more naturally to him than school ever did. There were plenty of others who understood where he was coming from, having been there themselves, and for every person he got along with, there were some pretentious assholes Havoc avoided as much as possible. 

Plenty of the people in charge of their training reminded Havoc of the bullies he hated in school. If they’d been in the schoolyard, he probably would’ve gotten into scraps with some. But instead of a suspension and chat with his parents, he’d be court-martialed. That wasn’t a situation Havoc wanted to put himself in. Those officers loved picking on anyone they perceived as weak instead of making sure they all got stronger. They claimed war as their reasoning, but Jean knew a bully when he saw one. Each one of them wanted to prove they were better and mightier, flaunting the pins they’d collected. 

Havoc often wondered how many of the soldiers prancing around the academy earned their place and how many had money and connections to do the dirty work for them. 

In the time since he’d started at the academy, Havoc had learned that making friends with as many people as possible would set him on the best path, but true allies had to be selected more carefully. So far, he’d only found two, maybe two and a half, that truly caught his eye. The half hadn’t been his intention, but she’d been a tagalong for one he trusted most, so he figured they were worth some kind of special recognition. Eventually, Havoc hoped he’d find more people to add to his list, but those three felt like a good way to start, or at the very least, they were a good way not to get stabbed or shot in the back for the time being.

His first ally came in the form of his bunkmate, Heymans Breda. The man could fool around as much as Havoc, and unless you paid attention, he didn’t seem like much. Since Jean started bunking with him, he’d learned that Breda was probably the smartest person he’d ever met. He blew away everyone from Jean’s hometown by a long shot, and the double role he played of master strategist and slacker was nearly an art. Havoc hoped when they hit the town for drinks or just chatted about dates and life, some of those smarts would rub off on him, but in the meantime, Jean held onto Breda’s secret and let the alliance form. 

The next person Havoc decided was worth that additional step beyond simple friendship was Riza Hawkeye. 

The girl baffled him in the best ways. He’d hit on her if he didn’t think she’d kill him, and Havoc knew he’d be well out of his league. The girl was also way too serious for Havoc’s tastes, but it definitely got her in the good graces of the military. Without a doubt, she’d been a model solider from the get-go, which was only more impressive since she was around two years younger than Havoc. Jean couldn’t figure out why a girl as smart as her would be joining the military, no matter how good of a soldier she happened to be. He figured she could’ve been anything, but far be it from him to judge. Maybe she needed the money or just didn’t know like him. No one asked why they became soldiers, and no one really offered it up either. They just thought themselves in circles with it. 

It didn’t feel all that surprising to Jean when Riza got selected to join the front as a sniper. The two of them had the best aim in their class, and she was still leagues ahead of him. It’d apparently been a choice between him, Riza, and some third ass who only would’ve gone for the prestige of his family name. The obvious choice was Hawkeye. She had the scores, the aim, and the soldier’s attitude, something Havoc struggled with a lot more than most. It still felt good to know his aim could get him this far, at least. 

His half-ally, Riza’s roommate Rebecca, had insisted on having a last hurrah two nights before Riza got shipped out. She wouldn’t dare suggest the night before. Riza needed to be sharp to survive, and Rebecca Catalina loudly declared her best friend had been ordered to return to her. Havoc also hoped that Riza Hawkeye would make it back home. He liked her dry sense of humor, her skills, and the quiet way she cared. The girl could nag more than his ma, but there was an undeniable care underneath it all. It made him feel special in a way most people’s attention never could. Hawkeye didn’t open up or trust freely; it had to be earned. Somehow, Jean Havoc had earned it, and he’d be damned if he lost that in any way. 

They met on the roof of a building on the outskirts of campus. Only the three of them showed up since Hawkeye’s trust really was limited. He’d considered bringing Breda along, but the two didn’t know each other. Breda wasn’t a sniper like the three of them, and their time on the range had solidified something between them. Inviting someone Riza didn’t know likely would’ve left her uncomfortable for an evening that was supposed to celebrate their friendship, not just a poor excuse to drink.

“How’d you find this place, Becca?” Jean asked, helping to unpack and lay out the blankets she’d packed. 

The girl in question glared at him. “Don’t call me that, and don’t expect an answer. A lady doesn’t kiss and tell.” 

Havoc whistled. “Well, now that I know about it, we’ll have to get a schedule going. I’d hate to bring a date back here for a night under the stars and interrupt something.”

“Ew. No, I’m not giving you a schedule of when I’m hooking up. Absolutely not,” Rebecca said, her whole face contorting in disgust at the very thought. Havoc didn’t actually want it either, but the small smile on Riza’s face at their teasing was worth the awful mental image.

Riza sat on one of the blankets, her back against the ledge lining the roof. Rebecca pulled out some bottles of beer and then a large bottle of vodka. “Christ, Becky, you trying to kill Riza before she can ship out?” 

“That seems counterproductive, but the thought of getting her sick enough that she can’t go and has to stay with me has crossed my mind. Maybe they’ll take your cocky ass instead,” she countered. 

Havoc snorted. “Right, because they’d take me instead of Riza Hawkeye . Your plan is flawed if you think that’ll work.”

The girl in question scowled. “What’s that supposed to mean? You were being considered alongside me, and they would’ve been lucky to have your skills on the front.”

The words touched him more than when an officer praised him – as rare as that was – but he couldn’t very well show it and ruin the playful mood. “You flatter me, Cadet. But I am not what they’re looking for when it comes to a sniper who hasn’t even graduated yet. You’re the full package.” 

Riza took a drink of the beer in an attempt to cover the flush to her cheeks. Havoc could still spot it, and he had a feeling that the redness in her face would soon be more pronounced if the vodka made an entrance. Her demeanor screamed that she didn’t have the same drinking experience he and Catalina did. He constantly saw her at the bars, but Hawkeye had no interest in nights on the town. In all the time they’d been there, Havoc could probably count on one hand the amount of times he’d seen her outside of the academy. The fact she’d agreed to this at all was shocking. 

Before Riza could decide she didn’t actually want to get trashed, Rebecca shoved shots in their hands and declared that a drinking game was in order. Havoc had never been one to turn down a drinking game, and he saw right through Rebecca Catalina. The game seemed less about all of them drinking and more about getting Riza tipsy enough to relax a bit. The girl always seemed prepared for an attack at any moment, which would keep her alive in Ishval, but didn’t really fit the celebratory theme of the night. 

The game also gave him a new insight into his friend. She’d also grown up in a small town much like his, if not even smaller. Some of the things she didn’t take a shot for left him and Catalina reeling. Like, the girl who only talked to instructors and the two of them somehow wasn’t a virgin? If it weren’t for the tomato hue on her face, Havoc would’ve thought she was lying to save face. Then again, that couldn’t have been less Hawkeye-like. She didn’t give a shit if others thought she was too uptight or focused. That just so happened to be who she was, and Havoc liked the zero-bullshit persona. 

Rebecca finally flopped onto the blanket, cheeks flushed from her own shots and beers. Riza followed her lead, positioning herself so that their heads nearly touched. With a shrug, Havoc joined, placing his head at the perfect angle so that if he looked up and either left or right, he’d see one of the girls. Something in the companionable quiet felt better than any of his raucous night hopping between bars. He’d crave the crowds again eventually, but Riza had that effect. She brought the calm focus of a sniper and spread it out. His normally racing mind felt mellowed out, or maybe that was the alcohol talking. 

“I miss the stars,” Riza finally said, breaking the silence. 

Havoc looked up at the dark sky. “Me too.”

“It’s weird to live in a place with so many people and so little stars,” Riza said. 

Havoc couldn’t help but smirk. Who knew a drunk Riza Hawkeye would turn into a philosopher? In a way, it did make sense, but it was adorable the way she sounded so wise despite having practically drunk her body weight in booze. She reminded him of his sisters back home in some odd way. They were much more into boys and makeovers than he’d ever imagined coming from Hawkeye with her pixie cut and no-nonsense attitude, but she made him feel a bit at home. It was the earnestness she had. Something about her made him want to be her friend and protect her, even if she could kick his ass ten times over without breaking a sweat. Even in hand-to-hand, Havoc had a feeling he’d be on his ass before he understood what happened. 

“I bet there will be stars in Ishval, but how much time will I have to look up when danger is in front of me?” 

He felt Rebecca’s head shift, and looked her way. For once, their thoughts were on the same page. Philosophy was fine when thinking about small towns and big cities, but war and alcohol weren’t a great note to end their night on. 

“I bet you’ll have sand everywhere,” Jean found himself saying, turning to look at the sky again. “I went to a beach once, and I found sand everywhere for weeks. And I mean everywhere . In my shoes, on the floor, my armpits, even between my –”

“Do not finish that sentence, Jean Havoc,” Rebecca snapped. 

He scoffed. “My sheets , Becky. But if you want to think about my ass, I won’t stop you.” 

Rebecca huffed, but he felt more pleased to hear Riza laugh outright. He hadn’t heard the sound before, but he was glad he had the chance before she got shipped out. She’d been serious since he first met her, and war always seemed to turn people into serious pessimists. He couldn’t imagine her after the war, but he hoped he’d see her again. The thought of her no longer existing was enough to ruin his buzz. 

The silence settled over them once Riza’s giggles died out. For a moment, Havoc wondered if she’d fallen asleep. It wouldn’t be the worst place, and for a roof, he was pretty comfortable. Riza would need to sober up some before they made their way down if they didn’t want to get caught or hurt. It wouldn’t surprise him if she was somehow nimble and graceful when drunk; some people were just like that while he turned into a wrecking ball. 

He mostly didn’t want to figure that out on the off chance Hawkeye turned into a baby deer fresh out of the womb. However, if she did and no longer could go to the front, Havoc wasn’t sure he’d mind all that much. They were in the military, protecting their country was kind of the whole point, but that didn’t mean he wanted his friends to go through it. Some part of him wished he’d been a better soldier so he could’ve taken her place and not let her face whatever she might on the front. She’d have to kill, and while he’d watched her flawless marksmanship at the range, it hadn’t hit him that she’d be shooting people when they shipped her there. Once again, it was part of military life, but Riza as a killer – he didn’t like to think about it. 

“I’m engaged.” 

Havoc hadn’t been moving, but he could have sworn his damn blood froze at Riza’s admission. Catalina also went rigid, but Riza stayed calm beside them. He chanced a glance at Rebecca, noting how wide her eyes were. Obviously, this wasn’t something the girls had discussed before. 

He turned to Riza, but her face hadn’t moved from the sky. “Engaged…in combat?” 

“Not yet,” she answered simply. “But I am engaged. In the ‘to be wed’ sense.” 

“You never said anything.” Rebecca’s tone was calm, but he could imagine that she was hurt that her dorm mate and best friend had kept something that massive from her. Even Havoc – who knew he had no reason to know this about her – felt shocked to only now be finding out. Either she’d become an inebriated prankster or the alcohol had loosened her lips far more than he or Rebecca ever imagined it would.

He felt, rather than saw, Riza shrug. “I didn’t want anyone to treat me differently. People are weird about married women in the military, and I figured that’d be the same for engaged.”

“People are weird about military women in general,” Rebecca grumbled.

“Exactly. I didn’t want that,” Riza explained, as if this were the simplest statement rather than a jarring revelation. His friend was engaged and she was heading for the front in under 48 hours. 

He swallowed, decided to see if he could push further. “What’s he like? What does he do?” 

“He’s on the front, actually,” Riza told them, tone just as even as always. 

Rebecca turned her head back to him, mouthing “What?” with all the dramatics he currently felt. Had they been in the academy at the same time? If that had been the case, there was no possible way Rebecca wouldn’t have known about him. Riza really only did training, studying, and sleeping. If she’d snuck time with her fiance in there, they would’ve known. 

He didn’t know how to continue from here, but Rebecca stepped in. “How’d you meet?” 

Jean turned to face Riza, but it almost felt like her mind was elsewhere, and she answered their questions automatically. Maybe her thoughts were all the way in Ishval already with a man she missed. Havoc couldn’t even imagine what a man who snagged Hawkeye could look like. Was he just as good of a soldier? Did he also have aim that could put veterans to shame? Havoc hoped if he had the chance to meet the guy he could make sure he was worthy of her. Riza would kill him afterwards, but if the guy didn’t meet his standards for her, he would welcome death after putting the fear of God into him. 

Riza sighed. “My father taught him, and so he lived with us for a couple years. My father –” she took a deep breath “ – he was a brilliant man, he just didn’t think a girl was worth teaching his life’s work to.” The bitterness in her voice felt like a shot of espresso. If his buzz hadn’t already worn off by then, it had completely evaporated by now. “But he didn’t think so. He saw me as his equal, and between his lessons, we fell for each other.”

“That’s so romantic,” Rebecca whispered. Her voice gentle in a way that Havoc hadn’t heard before. He was so used to the boisterous Becca, that he hadn’t even known this side of her existed. Of course, Riza could bring out a softer side in Rebecca, that seemed so typical of who Riza was as a person. Neither of them wanted to break the trance that had settled over the three of them.

“He showed me kindness existed at a time it felt more like a myth or legend. I’ll always be grateful for that. The fact he fell for me too, I still don’t understand it sometimes, but I don’t question it. There are plenty of things that don’t make sense about life, but he always has – us, being at each other’s side, always has,” Riza explained. Havoc watched a fond smile curl on her face. It made her look nineteen instead of the dower woman she often came across as. He liked the way it made her feel alive, and any man who could do that had to get some points in Havoc’s book. 

“Is he handsome?” 

“Rebecca!” Riza giggled, reaching out to smack her. 

The woman let out a surprised laugh. “What? You can’t expect me to not want to know! My best friend is engaged! He needs to meet some standards.”

Riza settled back down, and Havoc was glad that Rebecca’s curiosity hadn’t ended the conversation. “I think he is. Dark hair, dark eyes, and a smile that lit up every room he was in. I used to watch him for hours as he poured over my father’s textbooks. The way he’d lose himself in his studies with that crease in his eyebrows, I’d never thought a boy could be so handsome.”

Havoc couldn’t help his own smile at the pure adoration in Riza’s voice. He’d never heard so much emotion infused in her words, the joy at reminiscing about this love. It was everything he’d looked for on the dates he went on, and he couldn’t think of someone who deserved it more.

“Sounds like a dream,” Rebecca told her, once again sincere. “I didn’t realize we had the same type.”

“That’s easy to do if your type is anyone with a pulse and straight teeth,” Riza quipped. 

“You!” Rebecca cried out, shoving Riza physically as well into another fit of giggles. 

Riza patted her friend’s arm, catching her breath as she finally stopped laughing. Havoc loved this new carefree side of her. “Sorry, sorry. I suppose he would be your type, but I can’t say I’d want you to steal him from me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Riza. You deserve happiness,” Rebecca told her. 

Riza sighed, the smile fading from her face. “I didn’t want to tell people I was engaged to someone on the front because I didn’t want anyone to think I followed him here. I want to help people and do good for our country, but I’d be a liar if I said that he didn’t have something to do with it.” 

Havoc moved his hand to her forearm. “We won’t judge you, Hawkeye. It makes perfect sense to me.” 

“It’s just… We got engaged after he’d graduated from the academy, but he got sent to the front so quickly. We wrote at first, but then the letters quickly stopped coming. I called his family to see if they’d heard anything, worried I wouldn’t  – I wouldn’t be told. But they hadn’t gotten any notice that he died, and they also stopped receiving letters. I’ve never been one to sit around and wait, so I decided I’d find him myself,” Riza said, and Havoc’s heart practically broke.

“You think he’s…?” he found himself asking even as everything inside him screamed to let the topic stay light. 

Riza frowned, turning her head finally in his direction. “In novels, the lover always knows. I don’t really believe in fairytales, but if something happened to him, I think I would feel it. I feel like he’s still out there, and I want to know why he stopped writing.”

“We’ll kick his ass if the reason isn’t to your standard,” Rebecca declared. 

Havoc nodded. “I’ll agree with Catalina for once. You say the word and we’ll show him what’s what.” 

Riza sat up, and Havoc scrambled to do so, too, trying to ignore the headrush. Maybe the alcohol hadn’t completely left his system. Riza and Rebecca seemed to be faring similarly. He probably shouldn’t take solace in two shorter, lighter women handling their alcohol similarly to him, but he’d worry about that more when sober and not discussing Hawkeye’s love life, of all things.

“I think you both know I can handle myself,” she said once she’d finally righted herself. 

Jean scoffed. “Without a doubt, but it’s the principle of the thing. As your friends, we’re contractually obligated to fight anyone who doesn’t respect you.”

“He can fight, I’d just shoot him,” Rebecca shrugged. 

“Oh, ice cold, Becca,” Havoc whistled. 

She rolled her eyes. “Keep it in your pants, Cadet.” 

“Yes, ma’am.”

Riza shook her head, letting out a small laugh. “I appreciate it. Part of me doesn’t know if I really do want to find him out there. Now that the possibility is here, it almost feels like too much.”

Havoc bumped his shoulder into hers. “Then deal with it if it happens. Your first priority is coming back alive. Catalina and I are agreeing a frightening amount tonight, and we’ll agree once again in wanting you to come home.”

“Home,” Riza whispered, almost to herself, as if the word didn’t quite make sense. She looked between Havoc and Rebecca with a sad smile. “I’d like that. To come back to a home.”

Rebecca rested her head on Riza’s shoulder. “You’ve got one in me, and I suppose bozo over there too.”

“Yep, this bozo is happy to be here for you too.” 

Riza rolled her eyes, and careful not to jostle Rebecca, she pulled something out of her pocket. From Havoc’s spot, he could easily see a small box in her calloused fingers. So, she had meant to loop them in all along, or, at the very least, considered the possibility. 

“What’s that?” Rebecca asked. She began to reach out before thinking better of it and retracting her hand. 

“My engagement ring,” Riza whispered. Havoc moved closer so he was sitting fully at Riza’s side. Rebecca’s eyes were wide, even though, in Havoc’s mind, there really could only be one thing inside a box like that. 

“Could we…I mean, if it’s alright with you…could we–”

Riza flipped the lid on the box, revealing the small ring. “It’s not very traditional, but I guess he and I never have cared much for that sort of thing.” 

Jean admittedly knew next to nothing about rings. He knew that it was usually a diamond on a gold or silver band. Aside from that, size, cut, or anything in between was a foreign concept. He knew he had a tendency to fall hard and fast for women, but he still had enough wits about him to go without buying a ring at the first flutters he felt. The one Riza had was a thin gold band, which would follow a more traditional route, but the gem in the center was a blazing golden-orange. 

Rebecca gasped. “May I?” Riza placed it in her hand so she could take a closer look at it. “It’s stunning, Riza. This boy of yours has good taste. What’s the stone?” 

“Citrine,” she replied, but that meant nothing to Jean. “He liked the color of it. He said I was the warmth in his life, his sun, and he wanted the ring to be a reminder that without me, his life would lose its spark. He’s such a sap.” Her voice held no bite, only devoted fondness. 

“I think I’ve found someone who can out-mush me,” Havoc teased. “Seriously, what a gem – literally and figuratively.” 

Riza stared fondly at the ring. “I brought it tonight because I can’t take it to the front. It’s too risky. I was actually hoping you could hold onto it for me, Rebecca? I’m sorry if that’s a lot to ask, but I don’t want to leave it here and just risk it. It’s probably my most valuable possession.” She glanced at Havoc with a cheeky grin. “Literally and figuratively.” 

Rebecca looked up at Riza, tears in her eyes. “Are you sure?” 

Riza nodded. “I trust my best friend.”

Rebecca carefully placed the ring in the box before setting it off to the side. She launched herself at Riza, arms holding her tightly. “You had better come back, Riza Hawkeye. You just had better or I’m going to find a way to haunt you in the next life.”

“I’ll do my best, Rebecca,” she said, arms tightening around her friend. 

Havoc heaved a long-suffering sigh. “Alright, I’m coming in.” 

Both girls grunted as he squeezed them tightly. His sisters always called them “bear hugs,” and he fully intended to make sure Riza felt every bit of it before she made her way off to the front. She had someone who cared for her out there somewhere, but Havoc would be damned if he didn’t show her that people cared about her back in Amestris as well. 

~~~

Riza Hawkeye left for the front exactly as planned, hangover long gone from the two nights before. Havoc found himself at a bar with Rebecca somber and worried about whether they’d see their friend again or if that one night with all its secrets revealed would live in their minds as the last time they saw her. 

“It’s like Schrodinger’s box. That memory is both substantial and not until we know if she’ll come out on the other side of this stupid war,” Becca mused. Havoc didn’t have the heart to tell her the reference made no sense to him. He got the gist, in any case. 

“She will. It’s Riza; I think she could go to hell itself and come out the otherside.”

He wouldn’t know how true his words were until Riza Hawkeye did make it back from the front. The war ended, but he could see it raging still in her eyes. The light that sparkled there when she teased Rebecca seemed to no longer exist, and Havoc didn’t know how to bring it back. It felt nearly impossible, but she was alive, and that was enough. Her being in the military still brokered more questions. 

Havoc only got the courage to ask her when they went out to lunch to catch back up. She’d been back for a couple months, working as hard as ever with a rank higher than his – something obviously deserved. They’d only seen each other in passing so far, but she’d reached out, and he was touched. 

“Did you ever find him? Your fiance?” 

Riza’s eyes dropped to the nearly untouched sandwich in front of her. “The boy I knew died long before I got there.”

His shoulders slumped. “I’m so sorry, Hawkeye.”

She looked back up, her eyes clear and sharp. “It’s war; it happens. There’s more important work to be done than thinking about the past or what could have been.”

“But–”

“I admit, along with catching up, I did have a proposition from my new boss, the Lieutenant Colonel Mustang, if you’ve heard of him. I’ve spoken rather highly of you,” Riza spoke firmly, her tone leaving no space for him to continue on the previous topic. He could hardly deny feeling flattered that Riza would recommend him. So, he let the topic drop.

Rebecca told him a while later that Riza had taken her ring back. She never wore it, but she had picked a cause to follow through. Sometimes, Havoc swore he saw hints of the giddy girl from the rooftop, but they were few and far between. She’d dedicated herself to Roy Mustang’s team, and Havoc followed behind her, forming his own friendship with his superior. 

He never asked her about her lost love again. 

Chapter Text

Some days, Havoc could drown in the novelty of the mundane. He currently sat at the bar, drinking with the rest of his team. All of them were somehow still alive after all the years they’d spent together.

In the grand scheme of things, it hadn’t even been that long. A decade, if that? They’d all been through so much life in that span of time. Hell, he’d managed to be paralyzed and regain the use of his legs in that time. They all were still alive, still together. It always made Havoc pause if he stopped to consider it long enough, and something about that night really made him nostalgic. 

Likely, it was the looming anniversary of the Promised Day, somehow equally sobering and celebratory every year for their team. Mustang and Hawkeye, in particular, always seemed conflicted about the day. Which, even that, he could understand. He’d never received the full story in one go, but he’s good at collecting the pieces he’s given to put things together. The two of them nearly lost each other, and while they survived, everyone knew things changed between them.

Not that Havoc could observe that right now. Currently, it was just the men of the team out. Breda, Fuery, Falman, him, and the chief. Rebecca and Riza were having their scheduled girls night out with a promise to meet up with the group a bit later after they’d had dinner and gossiped to their heart’s content. Even that thought brought a goofy smile to Havoc’s face. He remembered a time that seemed many lifetimes ago, where he, Hawkeye, and Rebecca had gotten drunk on a rooftop together. Jean had thought Rebecca more aggravating than she was hot, but he’d had eyes. 

Now those eyes could take in as much as they wanted, whenever they wanted. He was a lucky man.

That evening did hurt his heart to consider – Rebecca aside. Havoc didn’t often think about the night before Hawkeye left for Ishval. He tried not to consider the ways she'd changed, even if they’d been hard to recognize for others. He’d seen them and Rebecca as well. Havoc also tried to push Hawkeye’s lost love from his mind, but there were times he couldn’t help himself. 

So often, Havoc could hardly even fathom that the stoic, no nonsense woman he’d grown close to over so many years had been engaged at eighteen to a man already in the thick of fighting and had lost him before coming home. Throughout the years, before Rebecca, Havoc had often lamented the lack of romance in his life, but if any of the men tried to rope Riza into the chat, he’d do what he could to redirect the conversation. It didn’t matter how old he got or how many people he knew that died, the thought of losing someone that you’d otherwise spend your life with still made Havoc’s head reel. If Hawkeye never wanted to date, far be it from Havoc to ever push. 

The most Havoc really knew past her fiance not making it home was that she had gotten her ring back from Rebecca after coming home. Havoc hoped she kept it. Something that meaningful had to be a comfort even with the pain. He wouldn’t dare ask her or bring it up, however. Havoc had some self-preservation. Hawkeye would kill him first, but he fully believed Rebecca would revive him to kill again. There were just some things you didn’t ask your friend and coworker. 

“Alright, alright, if you never joined the military,” Breda slurred, “what would you be doing right now?” 

Havoc scoffed. “Too easy. I’d be working at my parents’ store.”

Mustang nodded. “That was handy.” 

“Well, you wouldn’t know me in this scenario, so you’re actually screwed,” Havoc laughed, taking a drink of his beer. 

Fuery played with the condensation on his glass, mulling the question over. “I think I’d probably be a teacher.” 

Breda squinted at him. “I think those kids would walk all over you.”

“They would not! I can be very commanding when I want to be,” Fuery insisted. 

“You can’t even be commanding with Hayate,” Falman noted. “I think I would be a teacher.” 

“Now that I can agree with,” Breda said. 

Fuery huffed. “And what would you be, Breda?” 

The man thought for a moment. “A lawyer. I think I’d be pretty good at it.”

“I’ll say,” Havoc agreed. “You definitely know how to swindle your way out of a sticky spot and love to argue.” 

“Piss off,” Breda grumbled. 

“Oh good, glad I haven’t missed anything too out of the ordinary,” a voice came up from behind.

Havoc turned with a wide grin. “Becca! About time.”

“Where’s Hawkeye?” Fuery asked. The other woman was absent, only Rebecca coming to sit at the table. Falman moved so she could slide in next to Havoc. 

Rebecca sighed. “I took her home. The food at the restaurant didn’t agree with her, but she said to go ahead without her. I think she mostly didn’t want you all to worry if neither of us showed up.”

“Are you sure she’s alright?” Mustang asked. Havoc saw the tension lining his body at the thought of Riza not feeling well. It’d happened with either of them if anything was even slightly off about the other. They’d always been in tune, but now it seemed they could sense the most minute shifts from each other. Havoc would’ve envied them if he didn’t know about frat laws and the way that even though they looked at each other with so much longing, they weren’t able to do a damn thing about it. 

Havoc didn’t know how someone like Hawkeye could have such bad luck. The first guy she was head over heels for died in a war she joined in part to find him, but the next guy was her superior who, despite very obviously caring for her, won’t be able to act on it. 

Rebecca waved him off. “She’s fine, just going to sleep it off. Now, what were you talking about before I got here?”

Breda jumped back in quickly. “What we’d be doing if we weren’t in the military.” 

“Oh, that’s easy, I’d be some rich guy’s wife. I’d probably have a wagon of kids by now,” Rebecca says, stealing a drink of Havoc’s beer only to make a face at it. “Why do you still do the cheapest beer?” 

“Because, my girl has expensive taste and I have to account for that,” Havoc deadpanned. He smirked. “But, I think you’re on to something. If I weren’t in the military, I would’ve also found a girl much sooner, I bet.” 

“You can do that and be in the military,” Falman mumbled into his mug. 

Breda pointed at him, accusingly. “You are in the minority here, Vato.” 

The man shrugged, not seeming too concerned with defending that statement. Havoc considered pointing out that Falman still was much older than the average civilian when he tied the knot, but it seemed pointless to make them go in circles like that. Love and life were weird in that way. Some people found love instantly, some took years. Some would be with their person forever, and others would take many tries to figure it out. That was just the way life worked. 

“What about you, sir? You didn’t answer,” Fuery prompted, his eyes trained on Mustang beside him. 

All their eyes turned on their superior. He shrugged. “Suppose it’d be a little of the same. I probably would’ve done something with Alchemy, teaching, maybe.”

“Would you have had a girl, chief?” Breda joked. 

Mustang’s eyes stayed trained on his own drink. “I would actually.” 

“Seriously? You? Mr. New Girlfriend Every Week?” Havoc teased. Granted, they’d known for years now those had been informants rather than real dates. He’d only gone on a handful in the last several years. Havoc and the rest of the team knew that he only had eyes for his Captain, but the fact was kept under lock and key, wholly unspoken to keep their careers safe.

Even so, the man had never had a steady girlfriend that Havoc had been aware of. Since Hawkeye had brought him on the team and introduced him to Mustang, the man seemed to only ever be with his right hand woman. There were no other women in his life. It made Havoc wonder what all happened between them in Ishval, but he tried to not consider his friends’ private lives in his free time. It was weird. 

“For your information, I was engaged once,” Mustang snapped, looking up only to glare at Havoc for a moment before dropping his gaze back to his glass. 

The silence at the table almost seemed to overcome the rest of the bar. They stared at their commander in shock over his confession. It appeared not a soul at the table had known this about the man. 

“When?” Breda spluttered. 

“Before Ishval,” Mustang admitted. 

Rebecca’s eyebrows moved so far up they looked ready to kiss the top of her hair. “What happened? How’d you go from engaged to a lazy playboy?”

Havoc elbowed her despite knowing she’d get him back for it later. “What she means, sir, is who was she?” 

Mustang chuckled, but he seemed almost pained to consider it. “She was my alchemy master’s daughter. He was a great mind, but not a great man. We got close over the time I learned under him, fell in love. I proposed before leaving for the front.” 

“What…what happened?” Fuery asked hesitantly. 

Havoc had a strange sense of deja vu over the situation that wasn’t sitting well with him. He chanced a glance at Rebecca beside him, and she had that look on her face – like she was so close to figuring something out, but just needed a few more pieces. Her eyes bore into Mustang, and Havoc knew from experience not a single movement or quality in his voice was going unnoticed. Rebecca wasn’t often in the field, but that didn’t mean she didn’t know how to play with the best of them, she just didn’t want to. 

“Exactly what you’d expected,” Mustang sighed. “War.” The group was quiet, waiting for him to continue. After another large drink from the glass in front of him, he did. “She deserved better than the murderer I became when I was there. I wasn’t the man she’d fallen in love with, and I knew it. I stopped writing her letters, hers dwindled, and I knew the path I’d chosen, I wasn’t meant for that kind of love anymore.” 

Falman frowned. “Do you still love this woman?” 

Havoc had never seen such a profound sadness in his friend’s eyes. “I couldn’t stop if I tried, and I tried. I doubt I’ll ever love anyone like her.” 

Mustang threw back the rest of his drink while his men shifted uncomfortably. Havoc knew what they were thinking about: Hawkeye . They’d all seen it. Havoc just had the additional knowledge that Riza had also been engaged before to a man she loved. Both of these people they cared about and who loved each other, had these great romances the team hadn’t known about that had ended poorly. Havoc found it devastating, but familiar. Too familiar. 

Mustang was in love with his alchemy teacher’s daughter and the man had been an ass – Havoc didn’t need to beat around whatever bush his commander felt the need to. Hawkeye had been in love, and maybe still loved, her father’s student. Havoc had gathered from that conversation on the rooftop and for years beyond, that Riza never had a good relationship with her father. Now this – Mustang saying he loved this other woman unlike anyone he’d loved before, and yet all the men had grown as a team watching the connections between him and Riza that seemed nothing short of soulmates. 

Rebecca rested her elbows on the table, placing her chin in her hands. “What’d the ring look like?” Mustang shot her a disbelieving look but she shrugged. “Come on, I need to know that once upon a time you had taste.”

But Havoc knew it was more than that. Rebecca had picked up on the uncanniness in the situation, and they’d both seen this ring with their own eyes. It’d be a dead giveaway if the thoughts they apparently shared on the situation were true or not. 

Mustang leaned back in the booth, taking Rebecca’s bait. “It was unique. I was getting ready for my State Alchemist’s exam with flame alchemy. It was a gold band with citrine for the gem, something that spoke to us both. She’d been my spark before I’d ever learned to make my own flames. She’d been the center of my universe, and I wanted the ring to show that every time she looked at it.”

Havoc felt his mouth hanging open at the description, and Rebecca’s hand tightened almost painfully on his knee as all the pieces collided in that very moment. Roy Mustang was Riza Hawkeye long lost love from before either of them went to Ishval. When Roy stopped writing, she followed after him. When they returned, they knew they couldn’t return to blissful ignorance and the picket fence lives they once imagined. But they still were at each other’s side, and according to Mustang, he’d never stopped loving her. 

“What’s the matter with you two?” Mustang asked, an uneasiness seeping into his eyes. 

Rebecca shook out of it faster. “I just don’t think we expected you of all people to be such a romantic.” 

“I was raised by women, thank you very much,” Mustang responded, sounding miffed. He still looked at them both like he knew they’d caught him. 

As the night wrapped up and tabs were paid, Rebecca and Havoc were quick to offer Mustang company on his way home. The team said their goodbye as they went their separate ways. For about two blocks, the three were silent. 

“So, what were your faces actually about?” Mustang finally asked, not beating around the bush at all. 

Rebecca looked up at Havoc, receiving a nod before turning to Mustang. “We’ve heard that story before, seen the ring even, but obviously, not from you.”

“When was this?” 

“Back at the academy,” Havoc said, glancing over at Mustang who stared forward resolutely. “We were giving her a small send off before she got sent to the front. Admittedly, there was a lot of alcohol involved, and she told us about you. Not your name, just how much you meant to her, and that she hoped to find you.”

“She wanted me to hold on to the ring for her; she didn’t want to risk it,” Rebecca whispered. Mustang’s head whipped towards her, and Rebecca gave him a ghost of a smile. “She did take it back afterwards. It’s not like she told me to sell it or anything.” 

He swallowed, looking less like a General and more like a lost puppy. “I- …that’s good. I’m glad.”

They continued walking in silence, all of them grappling with their own realizations from the evening. Havoc struggled to connect the dots. The boy he’d wondered about for years, the mystery man that stole Riza Hawkeye’s young heart. What had he been like? What had he looked like? Would he have loved her if he made it out alive? The last question felt even more complicated now. He’d loved her the whole time, but it seemed war had changed both the young lovers in the end. It had thrust them into a different kind of partnership. In a way, it was funny that fate worked out like this for them. Simultaneously, nothing had made his heart break more. 

“You still love her after all these years,” Havoc whispered, not really meaning to but not regretting it either. 

“I did say that,” Mustang responded. “But you know what that would mean for us. And I don’t…” He sighed again, his shoulders slumping. Havoc wondered if he should’ve been tracking his drinks better. Normally, Hawkeye did that. He wondered if Mustang’s answer would’ve changed if she’d been there. They’d probably never would’ve gotten this information. 

Rebecca scoffed loudly. “You’re more of a fool than I’ve ever thought if you believe any member of your team would be turning either of you in for frat laws. That’s frankly ridiculous. And if that statement you were about to say had anything resembling not knowing how Riza feels still, you’re an actual idiot.”

Mustang shook his head, coming to a stop in front of a doorway. He pulled his keys out of his pockets but remained standing in front of the two. Havoc knew he was no Hughes, but he’d considered Roy a close friend for ages, even if he technically was his boss. Rebecca was undoubtedly Riza’s best friend, or at least the human one. 

“She’s still the center of my universe,” he finally admitted. The words settled in the air almost like Mustang relished them, finally able to say them aloud after so long with people who knew the woman at the other end of the statement. “It’s not the lifetime together we’d thought of, but I still don’t understand how a bastard like me can stay at her side, even like this.” 

“Is it enough?” Rebecca whispered, and Havoc felt her arm tighten around his waist. He couldn’t imagine not being able to have casual intimacy with a partner like this. His mind went blank at the idea of not showing off his girl, not being hopelessly in love for all to see. But Riza had said it herself, all those years ago, there’d never been anything traditional about the two of them.

“No, it never is.”

He turned to the door, jamming the key into the lock. Rebecca turned to go, and Havoc could see tears already forming in her eyes. They didn’t talk about Hawkeye’s love life, not since the academy, but to know her lost love hadn’t truly been lost but still was just as impossible, was a lot to handle. He could understand that, yet he couldn’t pull himself away just yet. 

“Sir?” Mustang turned to look at Havoc who wanted to smirk like a smug asshole, but his face contorted into something much more sincere. “Guess you’ll just have to change some laws when you make it to the top.”

Mustang’s eyebrows knit in confusion for a moment before he let out a chuckle, looking at the ground as he shook his head ruefully. “Sure, I’ll get right on that.” 

“You’d better, otherwise we’ll just have to campaign against you,” Havoc threw out lazily. 

“I bet I still have a favor or two with Grumman I could cash in on,” Rebecca mused. 

“Good thinking. You see? We have options, Mustang,” Havoc grinned. “You’ll get that happy ending someday. Your team will make sure of it.” 

Mustang smiled softly, looking younger, maybe even like the person Riza first fell in love with. “Someday.”