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Chapter Text

Deep in my heart… I hate you Ivan.

But deep in my heart, I know that’s not true. Well, maybe semi-true. 

There is a fine line between hate and love, and we stand on that line, never knowing who’s going to fall to either side first. 

In my monochrome world, you were the most colorful thing I ever saw. 

“Is it dead?” Ivan questioned, kneeling down beside Till, who in turn is gazing at the blood red flower, its petals crushed. 

“Cheer up! Cheer up!” They tell the flower.

“..What are you losers doing now?” A voice cuts in.

“WHAT?!” Till accused, agitated at being called such a thing.

Ivan looks up at Till. “What’s a ‘loser’?”

“A loser is a moron without any friends, you moron.”

Ivan tilts his head, a look of genuine confusion on his face. Though that look only lasted a mere second, before disspearing. “That is you, then.”

Till’s face scrunched up, red blooming on his cheeks. 

He lashed out. He punches Ivan in the face, and dashes off. 

I thought we were friends, Ivan. Apparently not. 

He doesn’t turn around to look back at Ivan. He doesn’t stop when he hears in the distance, “...Cheer up? Cheer up..”

And now, from the stage where he stood, staring at the L.E.D pictures of Ivan flashing across the screen, he remembers 2 words. 

“Cheer up.”

Hold me, console me. 

Come on, Ivan. Don’t leave me. 

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. 

I wish… I wish you were still here with me. All the times you consoled me in silence. All the times I took for granted. Why couldn’t it have been me instead of you. If I knew how much it would hurt to lose you… Why couldn’t you live for me. 

Ivan had a choice. And he chose to leave me. 

Would you change the outcome? 

Yes.

Even if it meant sacrificing yourself? If it meant that you would die and he’d live instead?

Yes, if it meant he’d live. If it meant he’d be here now. 

He lifts his head, breathing heavily. Luka… you damn prick. 

Looking into the dark sea of aliens, he sees red lights. Guns. Guns; pointed at him. 

Fuck.

I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t want to live without you. What should I do? What do I do without you?

Everywhere I look, I find you. I find you in everything, whether I want to or not. I find you in the stars, I find you in the melodies. I find you in my restless dreams.  

You die for me, you died so that I could live. Did you ever think about how that might affect me? You died, not thinking that maybe, there was a slim chance I wouldn’t want to live anymore, having you gone?

He’s going to lose. He’s going to lose. It’s done. His fate is sealed. 

His eyes map out the stadium one last time. Pink hair..

Wait.. pink hair? Mizi?

He reaches out towards her, desperately trying to grasp her hand, to see if she’s real. Please let her be real. She’s the only thing he had left. 

A shot rings out. He’s falling. 

He sees Mizi’s expression as he falls. He wonders if Ivan made that expression when he let go of his hand, and fled back towards Anakt Garden. He wondered if Ivan made that exact same expression when he left him under the meteors. Under the flaming red sky. 

His head lays in Mizi’s lap, his face is wet with her tears, dripping down onto his face. 

“Mizi..?” He thinks, his vision blurring at the edges. 

I’m scared.

“Am I going to die?”

I don’t want to die.

His neck hurts. The fabric on his neck is wet. Soiled in red. 

I’m sorry. I’m sorry Mizi. I’m sorry Ivan. I’m.. so sorry Ivan. You died for me.. and I… died as well. I’m sorry. I tried. 

Mizi is sobbing. Mizi is crying. 

He hopes… in the next life… he’ll meet them all again. Under better circumstances. He hopes he’ll get a life with them all, in peace, and in love. 

He tries to lift his hand, but his body is weak. His muscles aren’t cooperating. He feels… tired. His fingertips graze her hand.

It’s goes dark. 

“-ll.. -ill. Till. Till?”

He’s heard that voice before. But who’s was it? Who could possibly be calling his name? He’s supposed to be dead.. Right?

Opening his eyes, he’s nearly blinded with white light. A face comes into his field of vision. 

……Ivan? 

He sits up so fast, that he nearly cracks their foreheads together. He stared, mouth agape. 

Ivan is cradling his face now, staring at him with those dark eyes. Those dark eyes with the red dot in the center. So pretty.

Ivan… Ivan!

He surges forward. His fist connects with Ivan’s face. He’s real. Ivan is looking up at Till from where he lays on the ground, staring blankly up as Till hovers over him. 

He falls forward. Wrapping his arms around Ivan, he finds he’s not dreaming. Ivan is actually there. 

Ivan is stiff. Ivan doesn’t hug him back immediately. Till lets himself cry. He lets himself cry into Ivan’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry..

Arms come up to wrap around Till. His hold is soft. His hold is warm. His hold… feels like home. 

“It’s okay Till. It’s okay.”

It’s silent. 

“Till, we meet again.”

Ivan’s voice has never felt so soothing. 

“I wish I took your hand back then..”

Ivan didn’t say a word. 

“Cheer up.”

Till pushes Ivan away from himself.

“When.. When you said ‘My God, My Universe’...”

Ivan cuts him off. “You. Every word has always been for you.”

Silence, and then, “I’m sorry, every lyric has always been for you.”

“Till.. Thank you for being the victim of my shallow emotions.”

Till meets his eyes, albeit hesitantly, and fights the urge to punch him again.

“Your emotions are anything but shallow, you moron.”

Both of Till's arms were wrapped around Ivan’s shoulders once again. 

“Don’t you dare do anything like that again, you hear me?”

Ivan doesn’t respond. He’s still stunned by the simple action of Till actually hugging him. It’s what he’s craved since the moment Ivan laid eyes on him. He’s yearned for Till’s touch since day one. All he’s ever wanted was Till. In any way shape or form he was allowed to have him. 

He sought Till since his first heart beat. He yearned on a level that was unmatched, on a level that he was fine loving Till in silence, even if he didn’t quite understand what the word ‘love’ meant. 

All he ever wanted was Till to see him. To see him the way he saw Till. To be held in the arms of the one who he truly desired. 

Worry not, Ivan. 

Both arms cradle you now. 

You can rest easy.

Chapter Text

From where they are sitting, leaning against each other, feeling the body heat transferring between the two, they see the sky. Burning red, bright streaks of fire burn their trails across the sky. 

And oh, how the memories burned. Burned themselves deep into Ivan’s brain. He couldn’t let them go. He didn’t want to.

He hopes, in the next life, the world is kinder to them. He hopes that in the next life, he can find Till again. He knows he will. He’d follow him to the ends of the earth, to the ends of the galaxy. 

“You’re such a liar Ivan.” Till suddenly speaks.

He looks to the side, averting his gaze away from the sky and back towards Ivan. He pauses, finding eyes already on him. 

Such a creep. His creep, nonetheless.

“How so?” The latter questions, monotone.

Till looks away, back towards the sky, back towards what they could have had if he didn’t let go of Ivan’s hand. 

“You said you’d never leave me. But then you go and… you go and leave me.”

Ivan only hums in response. 

“Inevitably. I am a liar who never says what he means or means what he says. But, I assure you.”

Ivan begins, pausing to lean closer towards Till.

“Every word out of this one’s mouth is sincere, if it’s speaking to you.”

Till… admittedly doesn’t know what to do with that information. 

He opens his mouth to retaliate, but is cut off. He hated being cut off, but… he supposed he’d let it slide just this once. 

“When I said I’d never leave you, I meant it. I’d never leave your side, even if the universe tries to pull me away from you. In life, and in death, I will follow you, because… you are My God. My Universe. There is no me, if there is no you.”

Till was stunned into silence. Is this how Ivan felt this entire time, watching him from afar like some kind of freak?

A question pops into his mind as he thinks back. 

“You were never collared… Why?”

Ivan, not even once looking away from Till, smiles, his snaggletooth peeking over his bottom lip. 

“Unsha thought it unnecessary.”

Till nearly rolls his eyes at the mention of Ivan’s previous owner. 

“Why. Why, Ivan.”

Ivan is silent for a long while, and Till has to avert his eyes at the continuous staring.

“You are my collar. As long as you were there, they knew I wouldn’t leave.”

Till had never felt more conflicted in his life. Wait, no, death? 

Whatever; he didn’t particularly care for such semantics. 

“You… I hate you.” 

Till looks back and forth between Ivan and the sky. 

Ivan isn’t smiling.

“No you don’t.”

Till sighs, and from where he’s sitting up, he leans back. Back against Ivan’s shoulder.

“No.. I guess I don’t.”

Ivan, to his credit, looked taken aback by the admission. 

It’s silent for a long while. The two sit and stare at the sky. Well, Till looks at the sky. Ivan, looks at Till. That’s always how it’ll be. Always and forever. 

“Do you think there’s a second life? Another universe, waiting for us?”

Ivan doesn’t answer. He knows deep down Till isn’t done speaking.

“I wish I had taken your hand back then. Would things have been different? Would you have lived? Would we have been happy?”

“I don’t know, Till. I just don’t know.”

“What about another life? One where the universe is kinder. More forgiving.”

“Would you want that Till?”

“I would. I want that. I want to try again.”

Ivan smiles softly. “Then that shall be.”

Silence.

Ivan is grabbing his face, turning it to face him.

“Punch me if you hate this.”

“Wha-” He stopped short. 

His lips felt just like they did back during Round 6. They were warm, and soft. They tasted like rain water. 

Tills’ heart pounded. Not like it did during their round, but… more in a pleasant way. Like he never wanted this moment to stop. 

Ivans hands were warm, and soft, and being held by him felt like everything in the universe was right again. He never wanted this feeling to leave him. 

He heard the inhale Ivan took the moment Till grasps the back of his neck to pull him closer. He never wanted this to stop. He didn’t know what this meant for them, but there was one thing he did know. He didn’t want this to be with anyone else. 

The two separate when the need for air arises, and Ivan pulls him forward, pressing their foreheads together. Tills nearly shivers the moment Ivan’s breath hits his face.

“In another life, I’ll find you again. I promise.”

Till opens his eyes.

“You.. you aren’t leaving me again.. are you?”

Ivan stares back before tilting his head, gaze softening ever so slightly. 

“Never.”

Till sighs, leaning further into Ivan, letting out a shaky breath. 

“Can we stay here? Just for a little while longer?” He asks, his voice small.

“If that is what you wish.”

They pull away, and Ivan leans back against the tree. The real tree, not one of the fake ones from ANAKT Garden. Till leans back, settling himself against Ivan once again.

“Just a little while longer.”

Till hums in response to Ivan’s words. 

The meteors shower above them, burning brighter and brighter.

“Find me again, will you?” Till urges, looking up from where his face was buried in Ivan’s shoulder.

Ivan looks down, laying a hand on Till’s head, brushing through his hair. He presses his lips against his forehead lightly, a simple brush of his lips against the skin of Till’s forehead. He pulls back, his eyes never once leaving Till’s form. 

The corners of Ivan’s mouth tilt upwards.

“Always.”