Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Cullen, I have an idea.”

Commander Rutherford abruptly looked up from his work when he heard a voice that he was not expecting speak. Beside the door, hiding in the corner was Annathalia Lavellan, looking small and dark enough to disappear into the shadows. He didn’t think that he wouldn’t have seen her if it wasn’t for her glowing hand.

“Maker’s breath!” He exclaimed. “What are you doing hiding around? There’s no one else here!”

“There is always someone else here,” She answered him, walking towards the desk he was given while they were Halam’shiral. Even when the integrity of the Inquisition is at question, the commander still continues to work. “I don’t want Leliana or anyone else to hear us. This stays between you and me.”

“Alright, I doubt that I can promise anything, but I’ll listen to whatever you have to say.” Cullen said as he sat up straighter and closed his hands on top of the desk.

Lavellan opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it again, looking uncertain for a moment. Then, after a pause, she deigned to speak. “The mark is killing me. I assume you know?”

“…I had a guess. I didn’t want to intrude, so I waited for you to bring it up.” Cullen said, and then he sighed and rubbed his face. “I’m sorry, I don’t know how to help you.”

“Don’t worry, commander. I do.” She raised his hand to show him the mark, always and forever growing in an eerie, pale green. “At the moment, the mark is acting much like the breach. In the way that it was tearing up the sky, this is tearing up my skin until it digs deep enough to swallow me whole. However, the thing about the breach is that it’s connected to the fade, and, following the logic that the two have similar patterns, that means that the anchor is connected to the fade as well.”

“Where are you going with this?” Cullen asked her, his hands under his chin, his face grim. Lavellan wrung her hands and didn’t look at him in the eye.

“It means that, in order to close the mark, we’re going have to cut its connection to the fade.” She finally looked at him in the eyes, her face in obvious determination. “And there’s only one way to do that.”

Cullen didn’t understand what she was talking about at first, and then her words sank in.

“What?!” Cullen stood up suddenly, his hand on his desk. “How dare—How can you even consider—?”

“The rite of tranquility can only be performed by the Templars, is that correct? I told you all of this because I need you to do it to me.” Lavern continues on.

“No! Don’t you even know what it does people? No, I won’t do it!” Cullen exclaimed, walking around the desk to confront her.

“And would you rather this keep growing? Would you rather wait until I’ve been consumed by this curse on my hand?” Lavellan asked him, standing her ground.

“As opposed to taking away all of your emotions, your feelings, everything that makes you you?” He answered, clenching his hand. “I was barely able to do it to the mages that deserve it! There is no way that I can do it to you! We might as well let you to die!”

“If this mark consumes me, there will be an explosion waiting to come afterwards. I don’t think we need another Conclave, do you? Especially not in the Winter Palace, which houses all the leaders of Thedas at the moment.” Lavellan said. Cullen looks at her, his face red and furious, before he sighed and looked away from her.

“This is why I didn’t want to take lyrium anymore. To have the power to strip someone of their very being, it terrifies me. I will never want to perform the rite of Tranquility on anyone, and especially not on you.” He closed his eyes and leaned on his desk, his body tense.

“If it helps, there probably wouldn’t be much of a difference. Dorian says that I’ve been acting like a Tranquil recently, so maybe no one will be able to tell.” She said, giving a grim chuckle as the joke fell flat. Cullen frowned.

“Is this what this is about?” He whispered. Lavellan frowned, any trace of emotion leaving her face.

“I—I don’t know what you mean.”

Cullen turned to look at her again, his eyes accusatory. “Do you? Ever since that elf mage left, it’s like you’ve changed. You don’t smile, you don’t show mercy, nothing about you is the same! You didn’t think I wouldn’t have noticed?”

Lavellan’s face grew ice cold. “Don’t drag Solas into this. This is my decision. The world needs to be saved again, and I’m the one who’ll decide what I’ll give to get it done.”

“And your solution is throwing yourself away! Forgive me if I don’t trust you to make proper decisions when you’re obviously not thinking clearly!”

“Damn it, Cullen! I’m not some damsel in distress ruined by a broken heart! Nothing I have ever done nor I will do now is because of him!” She yelled back at him, the first time she raised her voice during their whole conversation. The room grew still, tensions thick and all ready for a climax. But, then, Lavellan let her body relax, and she spoke first.

“Commander Rutherford. You will perform the rite of Tranquility on your Inquisitor at her request,” She said, her voice giving no more room for argument. “That’s an order.”

Something in Cullen broke, and he sank, all fight in him lost. He knew that he was going to regret supporting that particular decision, and yet he supported it anyway, because she was, first and foremost, the best leader he ever followed, and his best friend second. Lavellan went beside him and put a hand on his shoulder.

“The rite would take all the power I have left,” He whispered to her. “And I’ll be using it to lock you away forever. Seems fitting.”

Lavellan leaned her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry I’m making you do this. I wouldn’t be asking you of this if I didn’t trust anyone else.”

“It’s okay,” He answered her. “I knew you were going to break my heart eventually. It was just a matter of time.”

Chapter Text

“Solas?”

The elf that stood tall, surrounded by his defeated enemies, did not look so proud now. He stared at Lavellan in horror, robbed of all speech. Solas never predicted this turn of events. He never thought that he should ever be concerned about something like this. But, now, he stood in his suddenly heavier sentinel armour before the one that he loved and all he could think about was how he had ruined her.

“Vhenan,” He said, breathlessly. “What have you done?”

Her eyes, dull and dark and no sign of life in them, stared back at him. He would have believed her dead if she lied still on the ground they stood one. “I would have thought it obvious. Surely you do not need an explanation?”

“But why? You are not even a mage! What does this accomplish? Who has done this to you?” He walked to her, closer than the distance that he promised himself he would keep between them. It seems that none of the promises that he made about her are ever fulfilled.

“I have done this to me,” She answered him, expression unchanged at their sudden closeness. “and I have accomplished much.”

“At the cost of you? I dare say you did not, Vhenan!” Solas’ anger was building fast, his eyes growing green for a moment, but knew better that to let it control him. “This sick ritual that you have partaken in never has and never will solve anything!”

“On the contrary, Solas. With this ritual, I have stopped the anchor in my hand from growing and possibly eliminating the entire Winter Palace. Comparing possible situations do say that the matter has been solved by this.” She raised her left hand to show him, and, Solas could see that the skin, indeed, seemed untouched.

“You’ve turned yourself tranquil,” He choked. “to get rid of the anchor?”

“As I’ve said before. The rite of Tranquility is able to block my, and, therefore, the anchor’s access to the fade and rendering it into nothing. I thought about it when Cassandra told me about how she became Tranquil without being a mage.” She answered.

“So Cassandra turned you into this! I thought her better!” Solas hissed, and he turned away from her as keeping himself in check was becoming more of a challenge.

“No. I did not trust Cassandra enough to perform it, through through no fault of her own. No, I gave Commander Cullen an order, and I trusted him to follow it. He is nothing if not a strict believer of the rules of command.” Lavellan said. She reached out to him, touching his shoulder in a parody of comfort. Solas did not feel better for it.

“…you’ve thought this through, have you?” He said, softly. “You knew what you were doing?”

“I am not someone who makes hasty decisions, Solas. As you know.” Solas closed his eyes and gave a sad chuckle.

“Yes, as I knew.” He said, and then turned to her to look into those dead eyes again.

“You have always been smart. It was one of the qualities that I admired about you. Now, I just wish it gone if it was to be your downfall.” He extended a hand to touch her face, and she didn’t react at all. “I’ve destroyed you, haven’t I? Everything I touch, I destroy.”

“The one before me has explicitly stated that you were never involved in the reason. Though why I emphasised this is beyond me.” She said, as if her words were not tearing through his heart.

“Of course. I will endeavour to remember it, Vhenan.” He said with a smile that was for no one. He ran a hand through her short auburn hair, and then let his thumb linger on the sun mark on her forehead. Lavellan reached out to hold on to the wrist of his hand.

“You are not well. You feel no comfort at my words. Why?” She asked him. Sola gave a chuckle again. It was nice to see that her curiosity was still intact.

“Please forgive me, Inquisitor. I have just lost the one I love from my foolish actions.” He answered her. Lavellan pulled his hand away from her forehead and just held it in her hands.

“I remember this hand of yours. I remember holding it in high regard, though I do not remember why. I remember that you took much joy in my hands as well, and that we both liked to use them to discover new thing and deny old theories. I remember many things from before.” She said, looking at his hand. And then, she looked up to look at his face.

“I remember that before the ritual was performed that I will be most sorry about losing all of this,” She said, and a hand reached up to his face in a mimic of what she used to do. “And though I do not know why, I am most sorry about what we both had to lose to fix the world again.”

“Lavellan,” Solas pulled her forward into a tight hug. “I am so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Lavellan answered him, putting her arms around him as well. “I am sorry that I am no longer your heart.”