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Chapter Text

When Tomoyo had first told Kurogane that he had been requested as the personal guard of the King of Japan, he thought she was telling some kind of elaborate joke. In a way, he supposed she was. It was just that he was the punchline.

He gently pulled on his horse's reins, slowing her to a walk. Ahead of him at the end of the road, the great oak doors of Iris Castle loomed. His horse’s hooves clacked sharply on the worn cobblestones, echoing out into the brisk, early winter air. It had been a day’s easy ride to make it here from Suwa, and before that only a week since Tomoyo had broken the news to him.

“I don’t understand. You want me to leave you?”

Tomoyo had smiled in that knowing way she had. “No, Kurogane, not exactly. As I said, the King has requested you as his personal guard. As he lives in Iris Castle, it will require you, yes, to leave Suwa.”

“But I’m already the guard of you and Duchess Amaterasu! I mean, why me? I don’t even know him.”

“That is not for us to know. But he is the King of Japan, so we simply must obey.” She sweetly patted his arm. “Perhaps he has heard how you are one of the best knights in the kingdom, unflinching and unfailing in any fight. And how you are so wonderfully loyal.”

Kurogane rolled his eyes. Tomoyo always liked to tease him most when he was upset, but today he was too upset to tease back.

Tomoyo had looked up at him with a deep certainty in her eyes, a kind he had only seen once before. “What I mean to say, Kurogane, is that King Fai needs you. Will you go?”

“Is it really what you wish me to do?”

“Yes.”

“Then I will go.”

The shadow of the gates passed coolly over Kurogane’s face, pulling him from his memory. He dismounted his horse and led her forwards the last few steps.

Lady Tomoyo was the Priestess of the province of Suwa, and was gifted with the ability to occasionally see the future, as the best priestesses were. Kurogane had a suspicion she knew more about his new appointment then she told him, but he hadn’t been able to get any more out of her than, he asked for you, he needs you. He scoffed. He was under no humble delusions about his considerable skill as a knight, but even then, what could a king need from him he couldn’t have from someone else?

“Hello there! What is your business?” One of the two guards at the gate hailed him. He turned to her and held up his hand in an unthreatening greeting. He was wearing only a simple black tunic, a warm and worn traveling cloak, and sparse leather armor. Still, the guards could probably tell he was from Suwa by the crescent moons on his bracers, and could assume he was a knight from the sword that hung at his belt.

“I’m here to see the King. He is expecting me.” He paused, uncertain how much they needed to know. “I am to be his new guard.”

“Ah, Sir Kurogane. Priestess Sakura is waiting to greet you. May we take your horse to be stabled?”

Kurogane scratched his horse’s chin and kissed her cheek before handing her reins over. At a call from the guards, the gates to Iris Castle parted before him, and he stepped into the vast entrance courtyard. Across a stretch of neatly trimmed grass, bordered by endless blue-green blades of iris leaves, a wide set of stairs rose up to the front doors of the castle. The castle itself was made of great, roughly hewn grey and tan stones, and its many towering halls and turrets and wings stretched to the ends of Kurogane’s vision.

He took a deep breath and let it out again slowly. The grandeur of the palace was already making him a little annoyed, and, if he was being honest, a little homesick. The hall at Suwa was a touch more humble than all of this. He raised his eyes again to the castle stairs, and saw that two figures had appeared at the top. Even from this distance, he recognized Lady Sakura, partly because she was excitedly waving at him. The other figure he didn’t know; maybe that was the King of Japan. He was a bit small.

Kurogane began to cross the courtyard towards the castle. He had never met the king, but he had met Lady Sakura many times. She was good friends with Tomoyo and often visited Suwa to see her. Even so, Kurogane didn’t know her all that well, but he had always been secretly fond. She seemed genuinely warm and clever, and when she was in Suwa Tomoyo was always in high spirits.

Sakura would often talk of the king, so Kurogane knew a little of him that way. And he knew generally what the people around Suwa thought of him. To them, he was well liked and well respected. Kurogane could admit Japan had seen good years under him, and before him under his mother, The Queen. He was considered a particularly good diplomat; Kurogane had never heard talk of prowess with any weapons, only of an eloquence with words. He was also something of an enigma, almost a force of nature in the eyes of the people. Regal. Graceful. As beautiful as the gods. Untouchable. Hair made of gold, eyes made of precious stones. Once he had heard a somewhat drunk man in a tavern going on about how he’d met him and he was, in fact, a blue eyed witch. He’d never quite figured out what that man was on about.

To hear Lady Sakura talk of him, he was none of these things. Instead he was a downy-feathered mother hen who baked sweet treats for her to bring to Tomoyo.

Kurogane figured it all came out in the wash, and that he would just have to decide for himself what King Fai was like. Personally, at least a witch would be interesting. He was rather dreading the king would be just like the other nobles he had met. Stuffy and stuck up.

Before Kurogane had even reached the top of the castle steps, hands were pulling him up into a gentle but enthusiastic hug.

“Sir Kurogane, I’m so glad you made it!” Lady Sakura pulled back and bowed deeply to Kurogane, who took the moment to try to regain his composure. She swooped back up, her light brown hair swishing around her face, and lifted her arms to the palace behind her. “Welcome to Iris Castle! May you love it here as much as we do!”

“Th- thank you, Lady Sakura. It is good to see you again. Tomoyo sends her warm regards.”

Lady Sakura beamed, her green eyes sparkling. “Thank you for the message. And may I introduce my companion, Syaoran.”

Ah, so not the king, although his name sounded familiar. Kurogane turned and nodded to the young man beside Sakura. Up close, he was clearly not a royal, or at least, he wasn’t dressed as one. Instead he wore a simple but well made ochre gold tunic, his only accessory a pair of reading glasses tucked into his belt.

The man bowed deeply. “Welcome, Sir Kurogane. I hope your journey here was pleasant. I’m happy to finally meet you.”

Kurogane raised a questioning eyebrow, and Syaoran smiled a bit shyly. “I’ve heard many things about you from Lady Tomoyo.”

“Oh, do you know her?” That must be why he recognized Syaoran’s name.

“Only through Sak- Lady Sakura. I’m the Castle Librarian, by the way. If you ever need a book, or a history lesson about the castle, or anything really-“ Syaoran paused to breathe and chuckled embarrassedly. “Well, I’m usually easy to find.”

Sakura smiled appreciatively at Syaoran. “I thought you might want to get a head start on meeting people here. Just so you wouldn’t be too lonely as you’re settling in. And Syaoran is one of the very best people to know.” Kurogane watched Syaoran blush lightly at Sakura’s words. She clapped her hands together. “Well. Shall we go inside where it’s a bit warmer, and meet one of the other very best people to know?”

Kurogane inclined his head in agreement. He supposed there was no use in putting it off.

Sakura and Syaoran led the way through the halls of the castle. Kurogane followed behind silently, taking in the towering ceilings and intricate tapestries and ornate stonework. With each step, he felt something press deeper and deeper into his heart. He wasn’t nervous to meet the king of his country, but he was beginning to realize that it was perhaps going to be a moment that would irreparably change his life. He felt a little like a deer walking knowingly into a trap.

Sakura’s bright voice startled him. “This is the throne room. We should just have to wait a moment, Sir Kurogane.”

Ahead of them, a pair of gleaming red wood doors stood imposingly, ornately carved each with a blooming cherry tree surrounded at the base by irises. To either side of the doors, two castle guards stood at attention. As though at the bidding of their priestess, both turned and in perfect synchronization, pulled the doors open.

A cavalcade of people spilled out, their voices low but excited, all wearing wildly resplendent robes that sparkled in the light, like they were a school of river fish. Following behind them was a man that could only be the king. He wore an intricately embroidered sky blue tunic and pants, with a thick cloak draped over one shoulder, made of a fabric so deep blue it was almost purple. It made his golden hair, which curled softly down to his shoulders and was pinned back in loose twists from his face, seem almost to be made of sunlight. His face was beautiful, but not the hard, proud lines that Kurogane thought of when he thought of kings of old. Instead, he was more lovely, the curves of his cheeks soft.

The king smiled graciously, a slender hand placed perfectly over his heart, as the council in front of him turned and, as one, bowed deeply to him, reciting a litany of thanks. Finally they straightened and continued off down the hall, muttering amongst themselves.

When Kurogane turned back from watching them parade away, he found that the king was staring right at him, his face perfectly neutral. A shiver passed across Kurogane’s shoulders.

Their eye contact was broken as the king staggered slightly, Lady Sakura colliding into an embrace with him. He laughed and wrapped his arms around her. “Hi, Lady Sakura.”

“Hi, King Fai.” She beamed up at him. “There’s someone here I want you to meet.” She turned and gestured to Kurogane to come closer. With Syaoran following politely a step behind him, Kurogane walked forwards until he stood right in front of the King of Japan.

This close, Kurogane could see that the king’s eyes were the blue of the sky in a mountain stream, and had a depth to them that was almost alarming to see on a man the same age as himself. Kurogane finally understood what that drunk man in the bar had been talking about.

“This is Sir Kurogane of Suwa. Your new guard.”

“Sir Kurogane. An honor to meet you.” King Fai inclined his head.

“Your majesty.” Kurogane inclined his head in turn. The king raised an eyebrow, and Lady Sakura laughed as though charmed.

“He, uh, was raised closely with the Duchess and the Priestess of Suwa,” she pointed out, a little apologetically. Kurogane felt like it was rather unfair to blame his lack of reverence on them; he deserved most of the credit. Besides, he felt like that had been pretty polite.

“Yes, I’ve heard,” the king said, turning a dazzling smile on Kurogane. “I have been told much about you by Lady Sakura. Lady Tomoyo speaks very highly of you. You have my thanks for keeping her safe all these years. She is an excellent priestess, and more than that, she is very dear to Lady Sakura.”

“I’ve been happy to do so, your majesty.”

“King Fai, did you want to eat supper with your guests?” Sakura gestured down the hall in the direction that the school of minnows had swam off in.

“Oh no, they already got what they wanted from me. I’m sure they’re happy to eat together without me there to ruin the fun.”

“Then let's eat together! Us and Syaoran, and Sir Kurogane.” The king stared down at her with a suddenly fierce expression on his face. For a moment, Kurogane was reminded of when two of the street cats in Suwa would each want to walk the same path in opposite directions. He had once seen a standoff last a full hour.

Lady Sakura put her hand on the king’s wrist and gently tugged. “Come on, Sir Kurogane has been traveling all day.”

The king looked up at Kurogane. Before he could say anything, Kurogane’s stomach audibly growled.

Kurogane grinned. “Supper sounds great to me, Lady Sakura. Thank you.”

***

It was indeed great, at least the food. They ate in a small dining room that Kurogane gathered was private, specifically for the king. The table could have sat a few more people, but it wasn’t fit for a banquet or anything. Sakura and Syaoran talked easily with each other, and Fai smiled along. Kurogane watched them curiously. He wondered how many people had sat at this table with just these three, and how many more hadn’t.

He would have had a surprisingly nice time, except for a nagging feeling that was beginning to build in his gut. He had never been one for strangers, but that wasn’t fully it. Besides, Lady Sakura wasn’t a stranger, and at the very least she trusted the present company. Kurogane even caught himself smiling a few times at the rather endearing amount of enthusiasm the librarian boy had for anything in a book, or in the ground, or in the past. But something wasn’t adding up. Now that the initial introductions were over, the king had hardly spoken to him, and only curtly. Whenever he did speak to him, he smiled with a brightness that Kurogane was beginning to suspect was intentionally blinding.

If he didn’t know better, he would think King Fai didn’t want him here.

At the end of dinner, everyone stood and readied to leave, which made Kurogane realize he had no idea what to do now. He opened his mouth to ask, when King Fai spoke instead.

“I’m sorry I forgot to inquire earlier, Sir Kurogane. Have your belongings been taken care of?”

Kurogane held out his arms. “The best I can.”

Fai’s eyes widened slightly. “You didn’t bring any of your belongings? Clothes even?

“All my clothes mark me as a knight of Suwa, your highness. And I’ve always lived simply, anyway. I was never one for opulence.” Kurogane could admit he was maybe aiming to get a rise out of the king, but instead he was silent for a long moment. Something hard to read passed over his face. Not quite pity… Understanding? Guilt?

“Ah. Well, I’ll have Dame Chu’nyan see that you are provided with new armor. She’s our Commander of Knights, and leads all of the guards of the castle. And if you want anything else,” the king bowed his head, “just let me know.”

“Or me, Sir Kurogane. In fact, I’ll bring you some new tunics and cloaks later this evening.”

Kurogane tore his eyes away from the king and smiled at Sakura. “Thank you, Lady Sakura, although there’s really no rush.” She waved her hand at him, clearly intending to rush.

“And thank you, your majesty.”

“Of course.” King Fai beamed at him, his smile as bright as could be. “Sir Kurogane, if you don’t mind, I can show you to your room now. It’s getting late and I’m sure you’d like to rest.”

“Oh. That’d be nice, thanks.”

“Good.” He turned to Lady Sakura and Syaoran. For a brief moment his face shifted into something truly soft. “Good night, you two. May you sleep well.”

Sakura stood on her tiptoes and kissed the king on his cheek, her hand on his arm. She gazed at him fondly. “You too.”

Syaoran bowed. “Thank you for dinner. Goodnight, King Fai. Goodnight, Sir Kurogane.”

The two of them left together, Syaoran’s arm around Sakura’s shoulders.

“This way, Sir Kurogane.”

The king led Kurogane just to the opposite end of the hall they were on, stopping in front of a simple wooden door. Kurogane must have looked surprised. King Fai waved his hand down the way they’d come. “My chambers and dining room are on this hall, so this is where you are designated to stay, instead of the quarters of the other guards.”

He procured a small key, unlocked the door, and stepped in, just over the threshold. Kurogane moved past him into the room. The room was, at least to Kurogane’s eyes, quite nice, with two wide windows and a warm looking bed. There were already candles lit on the wall and a young fire crackling in the hearth. Kurogane was glad for its warmth, as untended castle rooms could often become bone cold on winter evenings like this.

“Here, this is for you.”

Kurogane turned back to King Fai, who held the room key out to him. He reached out and took it, his fingertip brushing against his palm. His hand was very soft. Kurogane was sure his own hand was not, after years of wielding a blade. He gripped the key tightly.

“Listen, Sir Kurogane. In the morning, I want you to go meet with Dame Chu’nyan. She can show you around the castle and introduce you to all the other guards.” He fixed his bright blue eyes on Kurogane. “And she can inform you of their schedules, so you know what your days will be like while you stay here.”

Kurogane’s heartbeat picked up the way it always did when he felt a fight coming. He took a breath.

“Am I not just supposed to follow your schedule, your majesty?”

“No, that won’t be necessary. You can join the others and I’ll summon you if I need you.”

Kurogane gritted his teeth. “I don’t think that’s how this works. That’s not how it works at my home. I need to be near you to keep you safe.”

“Sir Kurogane.“ There was no roughness to the way the king said his name, but he clearly was trying to end the fight before it began.

That wasn’t exactly Kurogane’s style. “Look, I didn’t leave the people I care about behind to come be just another guard in your massive, fancy castle, okay?”

“Sir Kurogane-“

“I came here because you commanded it, and you are the king-“

“Sir Kurogane! I did not command it!”

Kurgane’s mouth snapped shut. “What?”

“I didn’t command anything. I didn’t request you.” The king closed his eyes, seeming unnerved by his own admittance. “I…wanted to have no more personal guard at all.”

Kurogane noted the use of “no more” but let it lie for the moment in order to ask the more pressing question. “Then why am I here?”

The king opened his eyes. “Sakura wished it. And when she truly wishes for something, I will have it be so.”

Kurogane blinked. Finally everyone’s behavior was falling into place. Lady Sakura had wanted him here but the King had not. And yet, here he was. He grinned a little. “Honestly, that’s the first thing you’ve said that’s made any kind of sense.”

The king let out a genuine laugh, and then covered his mouth with his hand, as though surprised again at his own reaction. “Is that right? Hmm, I see why Lady Tomoyo likes you.”

“She likes me cause I do my job well.” Kurogane knew he meant more than that to Tomoyo, but he had a point to make. He took half a step towards the king. “Listen, your majesty. If I may be so bold-“

“It would seem you very much may.”

“Well. Seems like if shuffling me off to the other guards isn’t gonna work for me, then it probably isn’t gonna work for her.”

“No. You’re right. It won’t.” The king sighed, his shoulders falling. For a moment, he looked like a tired man instead of a king. A beautiful tired man in a cape that brought out his eyes. But also one that knew he’d lost an argument, and the same argument with two different people at that. Kurogane inexplicably wanted to comfort him in some way, but he couldn’t begin to fathom how.

“Listen, I don’t know what’s going on that you don’t want someone to guard you, and I suppose it’s none of my business really. For the record, I didn’t want to come either.”

“I’ve gathered that, yes.”

“But, I’m here now, and I can’t think of much I’d hate more than being brought here and then shuffled off to the side. Plus, I’ve just got this nice room.” He gestured around with the key which he still held in his hand. “Also, have I mentioned I’m good at my job? I promise I will keep you safe.”

“I know. I know you’ll keep me safe.” King Fai regarded him for a long, quiet moment. The fire shifted in the hearth, a log settling lower in a flush of embers.

“Alright, Sir Kurogane. Perhaps there is a way all parties involved can, if not be perfectly happy, at least get part of what they want. You shall act as my personal guard, but only at public events. This includes meeting with citizens regarding local affairs, diplomatic discussions, banquets, and so on. When people from outside the castle are present, that is when the threat is greatest, so then you may be at my side. The rest of your time you are free to do as you wish.”

It was a frustrating proposal, and somewhat baffling, although no more than the rest of his interactions with the king had been. It certainly felt oddly personal. But it was a foothold, and he had a feeling it was the best one he was going to get, for now at least.

“Okay, that’s good enough for me. I accept.”

The king solemnly nodded as though they had just passed a law together. It almost made Kurogane laugh. This morning he never would have guessed that he would end the day alone in a room with a king, arguing about what he could get away with and what would make his priestess upset. That being said, it was comfortingly familiar.

The King began to turn to leave his room, but paused for a moment on the threshold. He turned back, but didn’t quite meet Kurogane’s eyes. “Sir Kurogane. I want you to know. If all else were equal, I would have you return to your home, where you would be happy. But for now, I hope you find a way to feel at home here.”

And then he was gone, the door left open behind him.

Kurogane stood slightly stunned for a moment in the center of his new room. After a beat he collected himself, and began to remove his cloak. He was now certain of only two things. One, Tomoyo definitely had something to do with all this. And two, he had just argued himself more solidly into a position he hadn’t even wanted to have in the first place.

Chapter Text

The next day, Kurogane was sworn in as the King’s Guard. The ceremony was blessedly free of showmanship, just him, King Fai, Lady Sakura as a witness, and Dame Chu’nyan to read the oath he was to recite. They did it in the throne room, the King sitting on his throne, Lady Sakura and Dame Chu’nyan to either side of him, and Kurogane in front of him.

Kurogane removed Ginryu from its scabbard and knelt at the feet of King Fai. As his knees met the floor, Kurogane felt a homesickness burn bittersweet in his chest. He had only done this once before, but he remembered it vividly. He had been lost, with only this sword, his father’s sword, left in all the world, and nowhere to swing it. Tomoyo and the Duchess had guided his hand and given him something to fight for. He bowed his head.

Dame Chu’nyan raised her sword and her voice. “Sir Kurogane, do you offer yourself willingly into the service of King Fai?

Kurogane gripped his sword as tight as he could without drawing blood. “I do.”

“Do you swear to remain loyal to the King and the Kingdom of Japan, and to commit no act that would harm them?

“I do.”

“And will you protect the safety of King Fai with your sword and, if need be, with your blood and life?”

Kurogane had said this oath when he was just a child to those that ruled over and cared for Suwa. And he had kept it. And even though his heart ached, this was also an oath. He was being entrusted with another man’s life. It didn’t matter to him who that man was, or what he thought of him. He would find a way to do his job. To keep him safe.

“I will.”

“Then you are welcomed as a Knight of Iris Castle, and are henceforth to be the Guard of King Fai. May you guard him well.”

Kurogane lifted his head, his eyes stinging. He looked a little desperately at King Fai, and was shocked to see tears on his face. Without thinking, Kurogane stood up and stepped towards him.

Fai immediately leaned away, shutting his eyes and wiping a hand quickly across his cheeks. “Sorry,” was all he said, and then he was turning away and gone before Kurogane had a chance to react.

For a while, that became the pattern of Kurogane’s new life. He would stand near King Fai while he sat on his throne or at the head of a table. Then, when the council or banquet or whatever it was that day was over, despite Kurogane’s best efforts to reach out to him, the king would be gone, disappearing into a castle Kurogane was only beginning to be familiar with.

Fai might have been cold to him, but he was outwardly warm to almost everybody else. Everyone who came to the castle was intimidated by him, or wanted something from him, or was hopelessly charmed, or all three at once. And they all left with a spell cast exactingly over them with smiles and clever words. Fai was all the things people had said he was, but he was regal and graceful and a good diplomat because he was clever and exacting and observant. Nothing escaped his notice, and nothing was immune to him when it received his attention.

As Kurogane spent what time he could at his side, he began to see that the king was also deeply alone. Untouchable and in turn untouched. Kurogane knew perhaps this was the curse of a king, to stand above and beyond everyone, but Fai seemed to pull that station of royalty tightly and securely around himself, wielding it to keep everyone at arms length.

The only true exception was Lady Sakura, whom Fai clearly thought the world of. When he was in her presence, his smiles were genuine, and he seemed softer at the edges. Kurogane was not alone with them often, but sometimes through the persuasive power of the priestess, he joined them with Syaoran for a private meal, like on that first night. Those meals were bright spots in his new life. The evening sun gilding the room, the fire lowly crackling, Sakura’s charming laugh and Syaoran’s endless stories. And sometimes Fai would catch Kurogane’s eyes as he laughed with Sakura, and not turn away quite fast enough, and Kurogane would be hit with the secondhand feeling of what it would be like to be regarded warmly by Fai. It made it almost unbearable when he was back to only cold, polite exchanges the next day.

When Kurogane wasn’t guarding the king, he was learning what he could about his new home, about the gates and the guard schedules, about the armory and the forge. Often he would take his horse out for a ride, or train in the guards’ training yard, sometimes with the other knights. He got to know many of them in passing. He was partial to Dame Chu’nyan, who had a fierceness and efficiency that he appreciated.

Through Lady Sakura he learned that, despite being a librarian, Syaoran had some basic training in combat from his childhood. So, maybe to distract himself, and maybe because he liked the kid, they began to train together a few times a week. Mostly Kurogane guided him through repetitive practices, but as he got better, they would sometimes lightly spar.

One day, three weeks into his time as King’s guard, he and Syaoran were out on the training field, practicing with daggers. Other knights clashed and chattered around them, taking advantage of the sunny day. Kurogane was acting as an opponent for Syaoran, but they weren’t fully sparing; the kid was nowhere near good enough with a dagger yet for that to be safe. But Kurogane was nonetheless working up a sweat, moving his feet and ducking and moving forward again and again, wooden dagger in his hand. The repetition was blessedly distracting. It had been almost two full days since he had been needed by King Fai. He had begun to feel a nagging longing that was strangely non-directional. Or rather, one that was torn in two directions. Towards two homes. Two oaths.

Suddenly, he caught a glint of gold across the courtyard. As though he had summoned him, King Fai stood at the door out of the castle. His eyes caught Kurogane’s. It seemed like he may have been standing there for a while.

“You okay, sir?” Kurogane startled and looked back at Syaoran, who shifted to stand at ease. “You just look like you’ve seen… I don’t know…” Syaoran turned and followed where Kurogane’s gaze had been. Fai had begun making his way carefully through the muddy grass towards them. “Oh, it's King Fai!” He turned back, smiling. “I’ve never seen him out here before.”

Fai reached them, his cheeks flushed pink. Kurogane supposed it was quite cold out, although he only felt warm.

“Sir Kurogane, can you please come with me? If you want, that is.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, sorry. It’s just that there's an unexpected meeting with a big group from Ferndale, and they didn’t give us any warning. I thought you might want-”

“Yes. Yes, I’m coming. Let me get Ginryu.”

“Your sword?”

“Yes.” Kurogane grabbed Ginryu from where he’d set it on a nearby bench and waved goodbye to Syaoran, who waved back and returned to practicing his parrying. Kurogane fell into stride next to Fai.

Fai gestured at his sword as he re-buckled it to his waist. “Ginryu. It’s a good name for a very beautiful sword.”

Kurogane was touched by the compliment, and surprised at Fai. This was the most casually he had talked to him in a while, let alone the fact that he’d actually come to get him.

“Thank you. It’s actually my father’s sword, or it was, before he passed away.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, it was many years ago now. He was a great knight; he died in the line of duty.”

Fai nodded quietly. They stepped out of the practice yard and back into the quiet stone corridors of the castle. “And your mother, is she still in Suwa?”

“She also passed away, when I was even younger. She was a powerful priestess.” He always loved to think of his mother. Even now, she brought him warmth and comfort. He looked over at Fai. “I guess it's a little unfair, that I already know about your parents.”

“No, it's okay. I don’t really remember my father, you know. I was too young. But my mother, well.” His hand came up over his heart. “I still miss her.”

Kurogane had never really considered quite how much he and Fai had in common in this regard. And they had both inherited a role from a parent, although he couldn't begin to imagine what it would have been like to have that role be acting as the king of a country. When Kurogane lost his family, Tomoyo and Amaterasu were there to look after him. When Fai was orphaned, he had been left with an entire mourning country that he had to look after on his own.

A thought occurred to him. “I actually went to the funeral procession in the castle town here with the Duchess and Tomoyo. It was very special. The Queen was very loved.” He waved his hand lightly. “I’m sure you already know.”

“It’s nice to hear. Thank you.”

“Hey, I wonder if I saw you there? What did you look like then? Were you always this beautiful or did you have an awkward phase like the rest of us?”

Fai fully stopped walking in the middle of a corridor. A flush like the one he’d had in the courtyard colored his cheeks.

Kurogane back tracked in his mind and realized what he’d said, feeling heat rise to his own cheeks. He was frustrated that he may have just derailed the longest conversation he’d ever had with the king, but he also didn’t particularly want to take it back. He hadn’t said anything untrue. “I’m just saying, your majesty,” he pointed out, a bit brazenly.

Fai blinked his blue eyes at him. “I, uh. I suppose I’ve always looked a lot like I do now. So I guess you didn’t see me. You would have remembered.”

Kurogane startled, and then grinned. He felt a warmth in his chest, not exactly at the words, but at the fact that he’d thrown a punch and Fai had finally punched back.

“Is that right?”

Fai smiled, a smile that actually touched his eyes with a bright glint. “I wonder if I saw you. What were you like then?”

“Just as handsome as I am now. Even more so, maybe, because I hadn’t been worn down by putting up with you yet.”

Fai actually laughed. Kurogane’s heart leapt to his throat.

“I don’t know what you're talking about.” Fai tilted his head at him. “I’m the easiest person in the world to guard.”

Kurogane caught the edge in his voice underneath his teasing, but before he could follow it up, Fai stopped them. They were outside of the throne room doors.

“You ready?”

“All I have to do is stand there and watch. Are you?”

“Always.”

It turned out that showing up to a meeting with the King without warning was just the beginning of the Ferndale group’s rudeness. By the end, Kurogane was gripping the pommel of Ginryu and gritting his teeth. The nobles’ demands were outrageous, and their entitled attitudes were not helping.

Fai, of course, remained perfectly gracious and calm. Compromises were made, and Fai did not do anything unwise, but he was generous, too generous in Kurogane’s opinion. Those minnows did not deserve his time, let alone his gold.

As they walked towards the banquet hall together afterwards, Kurogane could hardly stand to hold back any longer.

“Don’t you ever just feel like, I don’t know, fighting them? I feel like a duel could have done some of those fools good.” He grinned at Fai. “I could do it for you.”

“I don’t need to fight, Sir Kurogane. I have more power than they do.”

“They have plenty.”

“Well, it’s not about that. I have to keep some people happy even if they make me a bit upset.”

“So you agree they were rude to you!”

Fai shook his head exasperatedly. “Sir Kurogane, unlike you, I can’t solve all the problems I have with sword fighting. Diplomacy is more complicated than that.”

An idea hit Kurogane like a bolt of lightning. Fai couldn’t solve all his problems with sword fighting, but if he played his cards right, maybe Kurogane could indeed solve his own. He glanced over at Fai. “Do you even know how to sword fight?”

“I’m royalty, Sir Kurogane.”

“I’m aware.”

“So yes. I trained when I was a prince in hand to hand combat, archery, and sword fighting.”

“But you don’t train anymore.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Come train with me.”

“What?” He looked over at Kurogane, startled. “No. Absolutely not.”

“If you train well and get good enough, maybe one day you won’t have to have a personal guard.” Fai squinted skeptically at him. Kurogane hadn’t really expected him to buy that. It did seem unlikely. He decided to take a swing in what he felt was the right direction. “Or at least, maybe you’ll be able to protect others in turn,” he added.

Fai pushed his hand through his hair, seeming to forget it was twisted and pinned back. He sighed. “Fine. Okay.” Kurogane took a deep breath and held it. Fai regarded him. “Why do you want me to do this so much? You want to be out of the job that bad?

“No, I just want to see how well you can fight. It’s helpful for me to know. Plus, I think it’ll be good for you. To get some time out under the sky, get your blood pumping with some sparring.”

“Oh, I am not sparring you, Sir Kurogane.”

“Why? Afraid you’ll lose?”

He glared at him. “I’ll show you what I know, and you can teach me, but I’m not fighting you.”

“Okay.” Kurogane let it rest for now, but only for now. He’d won more than enough by Fai agreeing to join him, and he didn’t want to push his luck too much. Fai clearly knew it was a temporary allowance, if the exasperated face he was throwing his way was anything to go off of. Kurogane grinned back.

“How about tomorrow morning? We can go to that little courtyard by the East Tower. No one ever goes out there, so we’ll have no witnesses. Just in case you’re terrible at fighting. Also I know you’re free then, so you really have no excuse.”

Fai looked like he was going to protest, frowning at Kurogane for a long moment, and then he simply turned around and walked away. Without looking back, he waved his hand at Kurogane and called, “I’ll see you then.”

Kurogane watched him gracefully stomp away, a hope stirring in him and his heart lighter than it had been in weeks.

****

The next morning, to Kurogane’s surprise, Fai did meet him in the little, half-forgotten courtyard. The pale morning sun hadn’t even made it above the walls of the castle yet, and the courtyard stood quiet, blanketed in blue shadow. Kurogane had gotten there before Fai and set up some simple targets, which he had borrowed without asking from the store room near the guards’ training field.

He began by having Fai run through some basic routines he remembered from when he was first training as a knight. It turned out Fai was indeed well trained, and he had retained a lot of the routines even years later. He moved with grace and precision, and was particularly skilled at archery. His accuracy with the bow rivaled Kurogane’s, although to be fair his strength had always leaned towards the sword.

By the time the sun blinked over the roof, Kurogane was itching to spar. Fai’s perfect form allowed him to practice with a less than enthusiastic execution, completing moves without breaking a sweat, without any errors. Without any fight in him.

“Okay, that was good.” Kurogane held his hand up to stop Fai’s sword as he swung again at the target. “Are you feeling okay?”

Fai paused, shifting his feet to stand at ease. He nodded. “Yes, I feel good. I haven’t done this in so long, it’s good to remember.”

“I’m glad you do remember. You’re more advanced than I was expecting, which is great news.” He bent to pick up his own wooden sword from a bench. He hefted it lightly in his hands and turned back to Fai. “It means we can spar,” he grinned.

“I already told you, I don’t want to fight you.”

“I won’t hurt you.” Kurogane meant it. He not only had no wish to hurt Fai, but every intention to prevent it. He just wanted Fai to face him, to engage with him. To fight him.

“I’m not worried about getting hurt,” Fai said, his voice heavy.

Kurogane shrugged. “Then there’s nothing to worry about.”

Fai glared at him in clear disagreement.

“Come on, you’ll feel better after we start. Raise your sword.”

Fai half heartedly raised his wooden sword up. Kurogane rolled his eyes. “Widen your stance. There you go. A lower center of gravity will serve you well in this case, since I’m taller.”

Kurogane experimentally tapped his sword against Fai’s. Fai did not react. “You have to parry me.”

“Sir Kurogane, I really don’t want to fight you.”

“Too bad, that’s the whole point.” He hit Fai’s sword again, a little harder. Fai let it tilt to the side without resisting.

“Come on, fight me!”

Fai lowered his sword.

“Fai! Fight back!”

Fai froze, his eyes widening. “What did you just say?”

Kurogane lowered his own sword. “Fight back?”

“No. You called me Fai.”

“Oh.” Kurogane breathed out and shook his head. Oops.

“No. No, it's okay.” Fai stepped towards him. Kurogane almost raised his sword back up instinctively. “Is.. Is that how you think of me?” Fai asked.

“By your name? Yeah, I guess. Sorry.”

“If I hurt you in this fight, what will you do?”

Kurogane was startled by the non-sequitur. “Well, you’re not going to hurt me. But we’ll be sparing, if you’d deign to join me, so I’ll just try to return the strike.”

Fai smiled almost to himself. He fixed his blue eyes on Kurogane. “Okay, I'll fight you. But only if you promise to not hold back.”

Kurogane felt his heart beat hard in his chest. Finally. He bared his teeth in response to Fai, readied his stance, and raised his sword. Fai mirrored him. This time when Kurogane lightly hit Fai’s sword, he was met with resistance. Quicker than he was expecting, Fai made an answering move, swinging for the side of his arm. Kurogane parried, pleased.

Fai was as good in a fight as Kurogane had been hoping. He was as graceful as ever, but some of the perfection fell away for a clever quickness. He was particularly good at avoiding being hit, although a little less aggressive than he needed to be on the offensive. Kurogane felt himself grow warm despite the cold as they moved about the center of the courtyard. He watched Fai’s face as much as his sword, watched his calculating eyes on him, watched him move in answer to his own movements.

Kurogane did hold back a little, pulling back anytime he managed to get a swing a little too close to Fai. Fai was skilled, but he was no knight. And he wasn’t Kurogane. To Kurogane, fighting was like breathing. When things were far from his understanding, he had the simplicity of two people in motion. He felt a heady satisfaction that Fai was finally here with him, his face flush, his eyes bright, and his attention fixed on Kurogane as much as Kurogane’s was fixed on him.

Only when he could see that Fai was beginning to need a break did he decide to push a little further. He pressed forward, and in one precise move, disarmed Fai. Before the sword hit the dirt, he swept his leg behind Fai’s and knocked him backwards, following him down with a hand on his shoulder so that when he hit the ground, it wasn’t hard enough to knock the air out of him.

Fai lay beneath him in the dirt and dry winter grass, perfectly still except for his chest rising and falling from exertion. Kurogane pressed his knee lightly into his chest and leveled his sword at his throat.

“You were holding back,” Fai smiled, seemingly unbothered to have so thoroughly lost.

Kurogane grinned at the king beneath him. “I didn’t technically say I wouldn’t, your majesty.”

Fai furrowed his brow at the moniker. “No, don’t call me that. Fai is… better.”

Kurogane raised an eyebrow, but his heart was in his throat. “Alright. You drop the ‘Sir’ with me then. I’m not that kind of knight, to care about all that stuff.”

Fai laughed. “Yeah, I know. I can’t think of many knights who would do this without fearing for their reputation. If not their very life.” He raised a hand out of the dirt and delicately pushed Kurogane’s sword away from his throat. Kurogane dropped the sword and removed his knee from Fai’s chest, but refused to be sheepish.

“Kurogane.” Fai held out his raised hand between them.

“Fai.” Kurogane took it, stood up back off of Fai, and pulled him to his feet. “Let’s go again. This time, don’t let your sword dip to the ground like you did at the end.”

After several rounds, Kurogane decided he would call it a day. He could have gone on forever, but Fai would need to build up more endurance; he didn’t want him to burn out and not want to join him again. He wiped the sweat from his face with his shirt and turned to get his gear. He felt truly steady for the first time since he had come to Suwa.

As he was re-buckling his bracers and light armor shirt back on, Fai joined him. His hair was freed from its usual twists, and his typically pristine clothes and boots were covered in dust and grass. He stood in front of Kurogane, quiet for a beat before speaking quickly, as though afraid he would not get through all he had to say.

“Kurogane, I wanted to apologize for these past few weeks. I haven’t been the best company for you, especially as you were new here. It wasn’t my intention to make you feel unwelcome or unwanted in the castle. But I imagine that’s exactly how I made it seem.”

Kurogane looked at Fai in surprise. “Well, technically, you didn’t want me,” he said, before he could think of something better.

“No, I- I guess I did say that. But that wasn’t about you specifically. Once you were here, I shouldn't have tried to pretend you weren’t.” Fai fidgeted and pressed his fingers together nervously.

Instead of reaching out to still Fai’s hands like he wanted to, Kurogane just inclined his head in acknowledgement. “Thank you, Fai.” Kurogane had never felt like he was owed an apology. He had been feeling a little lost, but he hadn’t really blamed Fai. He clearly had his own things he was working through. Still, it warmed him to know that maybe this meant things were going to change. That was really what he had wanted.

After a moment of consideration, Fai added quietly, “It seemed like it bothered you, maybe? You literally fought me about it.” Fai gestured around them at the scuffed courtyard.

Kurogane glanced down, feeling a little caught out. “Oh, yeah, no. It wasn’t about being unwanted, really.” He gestured weakly at Fai. “You were so hard to reach. I just wanted you to, I don’t know, engage with me. Even if it was fighting. I guess especially if it was fighting.” When he said it outloud, it did sound a little like he had wanted Fai to want him. He grumbled in frustration. “It’s just, I’m here to watch your back, Fai, to take care of you. I have to be able to understand you to do my job. It’s hard to know when something’s off when it feels like something always is.”

Fai listened to him with his eyes slightly wide and his face hard to read. He searched Kurogane’s face when he was done, and then just asked, “You take your job very seriously, huh?”

Kurgane let out a huff. He felt a little like he was being let off the hook. But Fai was right, he just wanted to do his job right, the way he’d always done it in Suwa. He nodded at Fai, “So do you.”

“Being king is a heavy responsibility.”

“So is taking on the safety of another person.”

Fai’s eyes darkened. Kurogane hurriedly added, “Not that it’s a competition. Just to say, if you’re going to let me do my job, then let me do my job.”

After a long moment, Fai sighed, and brushed his hand through his hair. Kurogane winced and reached out futilely to try and stop him. “I wouldn’t do that- well.” Fai paused with his hand in the air, questioning. Kurogane tried and failed to stifle a chuckle. “Maybe this can be the new royal style,” he joked.

Fai lowered his hand and looked it over. His palm was covered in scuffs of dirt, but considerably less dirt and dry grass than a few seconds earlier. Now instead it adorned his hair. A few pieces fell down in front of his face. He looked at Kurogane, and let out a small laugh.

“To be fair, it wasn’t that clean before you did that. May I?” Kurogane gestured at his hair.

Fai looked surprised at the request, but then he inclined his head towards Kurogane. Kurogane stepped closer and, after a second’s hesitation, brushed his fingers through Fai’s hair. The scent of blossoms and lavender kicked up. He carded the grass and dirt gently out of Fai’s curls, occasionally picking out a stray piece that stuck to the sweatier parts at the edges. Fai’s hair was soft beneath his fingers.

“This a part of your job?” Fai murmured.

Kurogane looked down, his hands still in Fai’s hair. Fai’s eyes were closed, like he hadn’t even been speaking to Kurogane, but he opened them when Kurogane paused. He looked right into Kurogane’s eyes, and Kurogane finally got to feel what it would be like for all the sharp perception of the king to be turned on him. He could best Fai in a sword fight, but in this arena he was no match for him. If he was honest, he didn’t know the answer to Fai’s question, just that Fai was close and his heart was full. He decided to leave the figuring out to Fai for now. He looked away and went back to his work.

When he finished, he stepped a little back. He took a deep breath. “Well, now that’s better, but there’s still the rest of you.”

Fai opened his eyes again and shook his long limbs, dislodging very little. “I’ll bathe and change inside. You too.”

Kurogane nodded in agreement. He turned to go. He could use a good bath.

“Kurogane?” He looked back at Fai. It was still strange to hear his name from him without anything preceding it.

“Okay,” Fai said simply.

“Okay?”

“You can do your job. I’ll stop making it hard on you. If you’d like, you can join me for breakfast tomorrow in my dining room.”

Kurogane smiled. “Thank you, Fai.”

Fai just gave an exasperated shake of his head and headed for the door.

Kurogane stared after him for a long moment. He felt like he’d just won the first round of the longest fight of his life.

Chapter Text

After he put Fai on his back in the dirt, Kurogane’s life basically inverted. Now there were only a few times a week when he wasn’t with the king. He met him in the morning at his room door and brought him back there in the evening. He ate most of his meals with him, except for the occasional meal when he made himself join the other knights so that he could visit with Dame Chu’nyan and keep abreast of the workings of the castle guards.

He still stood at Fai’s side in all his meetings with visitors to the castle, but now he also joined him for internal affairs. It turned out that was actually a lot of Fai’s work, meeting with his own council, managing the country over cherry wood tables in rooms where the sunlight streamed in through high windows.

Despite that all, Fai had a fair amount of free time to himself. Even though he was always moments away from being needed, he could often go a few days without actually being called on. Kurogane made him use some of his time to train and spar in their courtyard, but the rest of the time he joined Fai in whatever he had been doing before.

Kurogane found out that Fai actually was the one who would bake the sweets Lady Sakura brought to Suwa, even though there were dozens of other people who could have done it. When Kurogane had first brought it up that he had his doubts that it was him, Fai had spent the evening cooking him a veritable feast of pastries and treats, the other cooks bustling around them in the kitchen, laughing in amusement.

On the first sunny morning after a dreary overcast week, Fai donned a warm cloak and bid Kurogane to do the same. Then he led them out into the Castle Gardens, which were vast and well kept even in the winter, and were also the place Kurogane had visited the least on the castle grounds. Fai led the way down the ornate stone paths, past neat shrubbery and koi ponds and slumbering flowers. He was clearly aiming for a destination, one he would not share with Kurogane. Slung over his back, he had a mysterious, large, leather bag that clattered and clanked quietly as he walked, and that he wouldn’t let Kurogane carry.

Kurogane stomped past the tenth perfectly circular tiny tree in a row. “I’ve never much seen the use in growing plants just for show,” he grumbled, pulling his cloak collar tighter around him.

Fai laughed brightly. “Yes, you’ve mentioned you’re not a fan of showy things.” He stopped at one of the few flowering shrubs left in the garden, its flowers multitudinous layers of crisp white petals. Fai lifted one of the blossoms to his face without severing it from the branch. “These are my favorite. They bloom until the harshest of frosts kill them. Don’t you think they’re beautiful?”

Kurogane grunted. “I mean, sure. But why are people out here taking care of all this in the cold just for a few other people to wander through and nod appreciatively?”

“Beauty doesn’t have to bring anything more to the world than just itself.” Fai let the flower slip back out of his fingers. “Of course, it can have its utilities.”

Kurogane narrowed his eyes. Fai gazed at him for a moment before turning his back and continuing to walk down the path. He waved his hand in the general direction of Kurogane, who followed a few feet behind. “For example, I imagine people can tell from a mile away that you mean trouble.”

Kurogane could hear the grin in the king’s voice. He decided he was willing to take the bait. “You calling me ugly?”

“I would never tell such a lie, Kurogane. I’m just saying, you carry yourself with a strength in your shoulders and a dare in your eyes.” He took a right, seemingly aiming for the back of the garden. “How we appear to people, it changes the world around us. Beauty is just one version of that.”

“Okay, I’ll trust you that you’re not calling me ugly-“

“I’m not.”

“But you’re definitely calling yourself beautiful.”

“Well?” Fai spun around to Kurogane in a flurry of fabric, his arms out, his bag thudding into his side, and smiled with the full force of his charm. “Is that not what the people say of their king?”

Kurogane lightly grabbed both of Fai’s arms to try and ward off any more theatrics. “Oh yeah, they say he’s just like a winter flower.” He tugged Fai towards him and held his eyes. “And what would they say if not that?”

Fai tilted his face up at Kurogane. “What, indeed.” Fai was hard to read even when his guard was down, and right now he was actively engaged in cheerful warfare. His smile was lovely and unmoving, and his eyes showed only the blue of the sky above them.

For a moment, Kurogane let himself imagine Fai was just a winter flower, to be appreciated for his beauty and nothing more. He let his eyes wander slowly over his face, taking in the curve of his cheeks, the creases at the corners of his eyes, the tilt of his mouth, the way his hair fell away from his face with his head back like this to look up at Kurogane.

Kurogane could, and in fact had, admitted that Fai was beautiful. He had thought he was beautiful since the moment he first saw him. And it had only become harder and harder to look away. But if asked to describe him to someone else, he would have a laundry list of things to get through before he got to the way he looked. Infuriating would be right at the top. Skittish. Discerning. Deeply caring. Charming. Beautiful.

Maybe he couldn’t look away because Fai was always right on the edge of letting him see a little, more than he could see before. More than other people could see.

“What, indeed,” Kurogane echoed Fai’s words quietly back to him. He let Fai’s arms fall out of his hands.

Fai just hummed a little and for a beat stayed close to Kurogane, gazing at him. Eventually Kurogane pushed at his shoulder. “Go on. Apparently we’ve got places to be.”

“Ah.” Fai spun on his heels and set off back down the path. Eventually, they made it to a circle of small trees, their arms growing intertwined, bare of leaves. In the center of the ring of arches they formed was a life-sized statue of a woman. She was carved from what must have once been white stone, but now pitched a little green and grey from the lichen growing on it. The statue stood up on a little pedestal while intricate interlocking slate-black stones formed a kind of courtyard at her feet, complete with a few benches currently being used only by the same lichen that grew on the statue.

“That’s my great grandmother, the late Queen,” Fai informed Kurogane, his voice quiet in a sort of reverence that seemed more about the place than anything else. He swung his bag off and gently set it on a bench, opening it up. He began to pull out supplies that at first entirely baffled Kurogane, but eventually he understood. He smiled.

“I didn’t know you painted.”

“I used to do it a lot, especially out here in the garden. I haven’t felt like painting in a long while, though. But now,” he glanced over at Kurogane and then away again, “Well. The weather was nice today.”

Kurogane sat down on a bench next to Fai. It was indeed a nice day. He lay back and closed his eyes.

“Kurogane. Come look.”

Kurogane opened his eyes. He must have drifted off, because the sun was now almost right above the crown of the statue. Fai was gesturing him over with paint-covered fingers.

Kurogane sat up, and came over to stand just behind him. He looked at the painting on the small easel he had set up. “Whoa.” Fai had painted the little courtyard they were in, but as though it were summer. The trees were full of leaves and cascading with lilac flowers, the moss on the black stones was bright green, and the statue was adorned with a crown of song birds. “Is there anything you can’t do, Fai?” Kurogane was genuinely amazed.

Fai blushed a little and laughed. “Well, I can’t defeat you in a fight.”

“Well, that’s hardly - wait, what’s that?” He pointed to the bottom corner of the painting.

“That’s you.”

“What.” On the painting version of the bench he'd been laying on, Fai had painted a large, fluffy, black dog.

“Yeah, and that’s me.” Fai pointed at a tiny yellow cat sitting under a bench in the other corner. Kurogane pointed back at the dog, not letting him get off that easily.

“Is that how you see me? A scruffy dog?”

“No, I see you as a big, strong, handsome knight in shining armor, don’t you worry. That just didn’t go with the painting.”

“Why do I not believe you,” Kurogane muttered. Fai laughed again, and kept laughing at the scowl on Kurogane’s face, which made it wildly hard to stay grumpy. Fai had been laughing more and more lately, and it made his heart feel light every time.

“Are you done? I’m getting cold from all this being in one place,” Kurogane grumbled.

“Yes, I’m done. How about after lunch we go spar?”

“Hmm, an apology sparring match. Don’t expect me to go easy on you. I won't forget this.”

“Oh, I won’t let you. I want you to have this.”

“No, thanks.”

“Too late, I already decided it's a gift.”

By the time they left the garden, Kurogane was the unwilling owner of a beautiful new painting. After they’d eaten lunch together, they changed into training gear and headed out to their courtyard by the tower. Fai had begun to make great improvements with the sword, especially in his offensive maneuvers. They both still fought with wooden weapons, though. Kurogane wanted to switch Fai to a real sword so he could get used to the weight and balance, but he was unwilling to turn a real sword on Kurogane. So he made do with what he could.

Their trip to the garden seemed like it had filled Fai with an energy Kurogane hadn’t felt from him very often, a sort of sparking zeal that made Kurogane push him a little harder and longer than he would normally. In their third match, Fai was able to drive him back out of the worn area of the grass they usually stuck to, and almost into a corner. Fai swung fast for his shoulder, and Kurogane twisted to the side and tried to bring his sword up to block. But suddenly the edge of his foot hit something uneven and slipped out from under him, and he was falling back and to the side.

He hit the ground hard, his sword knocked out from his hand. He caught his breath. He’d almost hit his head on the rough hewn stones of the towering wall behind him. This was the first time he’d been knocked to the ground by Fai. He supposed it hadn’t exactly been Fai, but he was going to count it because that had been an effective overhand swing. Kurogane pushed himself up off his side into a sitting position, laughing. “See, you can even defeat me-“ his laughter died in his throat as Fai fell to his knees beside him, his face distraught and ghostly pale.

“Kurogane, oh no. You’re hurt! I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Fai’s hands were hovering over his left side, inches from his stomach. Kurogane tore his eyes away from Fai and looked down.

“Oh.” His shirt was torn along his ribs and bright red blood was beginning to ooze from a wide, shallow cut a few inches long. He shifted slightly and looked behind him. Jutting out of the ground, a jagged piece of old stone, probably fallen from the wall years ago. “Hmm.” He turned back. “It’s alright, it barely hurts.” He looked up at Fai, who was shaking his head, his golden hair, sweaty from their fight, falling over his eyes.

“I’m proud of you for this, Fai. I like to fight. I like when you fight. Not many people can hurt me. Even if it’s technically by accident.” Fai made a soft noise of despair deep in his throat at Kurogane’s words. Hmm, maybe that was the wrong thing to say. Fai was beginning to shiver, and Kurogane was beginning to worry. He needed to take a different tack.

Fai’s hands were still hovering over the cut on his side. Kurogane reached out and touched Fai’s cheek. Fai’s blue eyes snapped up to his. They were shiny and wet, and the man behind them was far away. “Fai. You can touch me.”

The instant he gave permission, Fai’s hands were finally on him, warm and desperate and impossibly gentle. Kurogane’s heart lurched in his chest. Oh, Fai. “Always.” His voice came out of him in a whisper. “I didn’t know you… you have my permission to touch me, from now on. Okay?”

Fai hummed and nodded, and shifted until his knees pressed into Kurogane’s thigh. One hand carefully moved aside the torn fabric that was stuck in his cut while the other rested on his stomach, which was making it very hard for Kurogane to breath. Not because of the weight- Fai was barely using any pressure. Kurogane closed his eyes.

He was beginning to come back into his body. He could properly feel the cut now, and the strange warmth of blood beginning to spread down his side. But it was all nothing compared to Fai this close to him.

“Kurogane. Will you let me take you to get some medical care?”

Kurogane opened his eyes. Fai had stopped his ministrations but his hands still rested on his stomach and arm. Kurogane must have looked grumpy because Fai smiled lightly and added, “We can go visit Sakura. She has medical supplies and she’s trained as a healer.”

Kurogane felt a little… something at the fact that Fai knew he would rather see Sakura than a stranger. At the fact that it was true. He let Fai help him to his feet. Fai’s hand slid out from Kurogane’s too soon, but he replaced it with a hand by his elbow. Kurogane would never let anyone else treat him like this at such a small cut, or really any injury. But Fai seemed to need it, and Kurogane, well. He pressed closer to Fai’s side.

Fai began to move them towards the door to the castle interior. “It’s not too bad, so we don’t need to press something to it as we go. But-“

“That’s what I was saying! It’s not too bad!”

Fai huffed. “Kurogane. I…” He shook his head. “Nevermind. Let’s go, before you end up trailing blood all over my castle.”

Sakura was considerably less distraught than Fai when they turned up at her door. Instead she was efficient, pulling out supplies and talking in a calming voice to the both of them, but more, Kurogane suspected, to Fai. Kurogane sat gingerly on a chair in the corner of the room. The cut really wasn’t that bad, but he could feel a bruise forming on his ribs, and he could admit that was not an ideal place to have a bruise. He tried not to breathe too deeply.

Sakura approached with an armful of supplies and set them on a stool at Kurogane’s feet. Fai hovered behind her. “I’d like to look at and then disinfect the wound, Sir Kurogane. Is that okay?” Kurogane nodded. Although he sometimes huffed about it, he actually approved of keeping wounds clean and letting them heal properly. He’d learned this lesson young; the faster he got better, the safer everyone around him was.

Sakura smiled warmly at him. “Wonderful. I can do this part with your shirt on, but you’ll need to take it off when I start bandaging. Maybe you’d like to move closer to the hearth?”

“I’m okay. Here, it’ll be easier.” He pulled his shirt off over his head, successfully hiding a wince as his arms stretched upwards. He set his shirt on the ground beside him.

“Thank you. Let’s take a look.” The high priestess kneeled down and began to inspect his side.

Kurogane grunted as her nice gown met the ground. “Sorry about this,” he said.

Sakura looked up, her face confused. “About what?”

“I can’t imagine you kneel down and care for every guard’s paper cut.”

Sakura laughed brightly. “I would if I had the time, Sir Kurogane. Unfortunately my skills are often called for elsewhere. But I don’t mind helping wherever I can. Besides, you’re far from just any guard.” She very lightly pressed two fingertips into his ribs, moving them around the general area where he knew a bruise would soon be, and watched his face closely as his eyebrows furrowed minutely in pain.

Sakura grimaced sympathetically. “I’m used to working with King Fai. He rarely gets hurt, but he even more rarely tells me. It seems you two may have that in common.”

Fai spoke up from where he had been watching. “What’s wrong? Not just the cut? A broken rib?”

Kurogane caught his eyes as his voice pitched once more towards panic. “No, Fai, just a bruise.”

Sakura looked back over her shoulder at Fai. “He’s right. It’ll hurt for a few days but there’ll be no lasting effect. I’ll just clean and bandage the cut now so it doesn’t get infected.” She began to softly wipe away the blood from his wound with a rag she rinsed out in a bowl of warm water. When his side was clean, and the water red, she reached for a little jar on the stool, opening it to reveal a dark green paste. She scooped some out and looked up at Kurogane. “Ready?”

He nodded. This was all quite familiar to him. He even recognized the earthy, herbal smell of the healing paste. Must have been a kind they used in Suwa.

Sakura began to gently cover the cut and the surrounding area. It stung for a second, then lightly tingled as a numb warmth seeped down into his skin. He looked up at Fai as the priestess worked, watching him watch them. The emotions on his face were unreadable, but he clearly was thinking hard about something. Worry prickled at Kurogane. He had been making such good progress with the king, getting him to fight hard when they trained. He hoped this didn’t set them back.

Sakura finished and set aside the salve, reaching for the bandages. Fai laid a hand on her shoulder. “Let me.”

She smiled and stood up, stepping back from Kurogane and handing the bandages over to Fai, who took them with an incline of his head. She brushed off her skirts and went to sit down in the offered chair by the fire, leaving Kurogane to Fai.

Fai kneeled at his side. He was closer than Sakura had been, so that his side brushed against the side of Kurogane’s leg. Without meeting Kurogane’s eyes, he began to prepare the bandages. Kurogane watched him, his heart beating fast. He was never this close to Fai when they weren’t in motion, or in recent moments of injury. He smelled faintly of sweat and the winter air, and under that was the bright scent of blossoms that always clung to him. His hair fell around his face, his eyebrows furrowed lightly over his eyes, which shone warm blue in the firelight. He was bereft of his usual smile, leaving his face like a morning view of snow covered mountains. Familiar and breathtakingly beautiful. Distant and unreachable. Kurogane’s fingers twitched in his lap.

“Should I have been asking permission?”

Fai looked up from his work, startled. “What? For what?”

“To touch you?”

“Oh.” Fai blushed, looking relieved and embarrassed at the same time. “No, not at all. I mean, I would have told you. Or asked you to stop. If I had wanted that.” He paused for a moment, fidgeting with the bandages in his hands. “I just feel like… it’s a little different for me, since I’m a king. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable when perhaps I am harder to say no to.”

Kurogane had a lot to say to that, but he wasn’t sure where to start. He supposed that was a good practice; although it hadn’t been necessary with him, he knew it may be with someone else. But it reminded him of something he already knew- that being the king isolated Fai in ways he hadn’t always thought of. He was not just unreachable, but unable to reach out.

At least, maybe before. Maybe to others. Kurogane raised his hand and rested it on Fai’s shoulder, turning it slightly so he could brush the back of Fai’s neck, his hair soft on his fingers. His thumb lay lightly on Fai’s throat. Fai went completely still under his hand.

“We’re still going to spar. You're still going to train. You can’t back out on me.”

Fai’s eyes looked slightly dazed as he met Kurogane’s. “No, I won’t back out on you.” His voice was very soft. “But I am sorry.”

“I know. But sometimes people get hurt. And it’s still okay.”

Fai closed his eyes and leaned his head to press his cheek to Kurogane’s hand. He rested it there for just a moment before lifting his head and turning back to his work.

“Hold this, Kurogane.”

Kurogane reluctantly took his hand back and pressed it instead to the top of the soft pad Fai had folded and placed over his wound. He had made sure it covered everywhere Sakura had put the paste. Oh. Sakura.

Kurogane’s eyes snapped up to the chair by the fire as Fai began to wrap a long bandage around his ribs to hold the pad in place. Sakura was reading a book, but feeling his eyes on her she looked up and smiled. A smile that said, I only heard if you want me to. Kurogane pressed his lips together and let out a little huff of laughter. Good thing they came to Sakura and not someone else, or they would be the talk of the kingdom. He nodded at the priestess before looking back down at Fai, who was being quite overly gentle.

“I’m not going to break, Fai.”

“You said bruising. On your ribs.”

“I think if you wrap any looser the bandage might just fly away.”

“It’s no wonder Priestess Tomoyo sent you to me, if you’re always this much trouble.”

“Hey!” Kurogane lightly hit his palm to Fai’s arm, which made Fai laugh. Kurogane pouted, but he was happy to be distracted. Fai’s long fingers were occasionally brushing his bare skin, and if he focused too much on it, Fai might be able to feel his heart beat. Now that thought was also not helpful.

“Are you done yet?” Kurogane asked, trying to keep his voice light.

Fai laughed again at the childish question. “Almost, just hold on.” He tucked the loose end into the bandages to hold it secured, and then finally took his hands off Kurogane, surveying his work.

“Out of sight, out of mind,” Fai drawled, clearly not one to experience that kind of blessing. Kurogane smiled at him.

“Thank you, Fai.”

Fai nodded at him, and then pushed himself arduously to his feet with a hand on Kurogane’s knee. “I promise I meant it, I will keep sparring with you. But not today, okay? Not this week, until you’re better. And I suppose we’ve run out of time before our next engagement anyways.”

Kurogane nodded in ascension. He was sure plenty of people were wondering where the king was at the moment, but they still had a bit of time. He stood up, grabbing his shirt and pulling it back over his head. There was blood drying on it and a slash that showed the white bandages beneath, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to walk down the castle corridors next to the king with no shirt on.

He turned to Sakura, who stood and made her way back across the room to them, leaving her book on the chair. He bowed as low as his new dressings would allow, and felt Fai bow next to him.

“Thank you, Priestess. For your help and your company.”

She beamed at him. “Of course. It was my pleasure.”

Kurogane turned and lightly pushed Fai towards the door, his hand on his back.

“Sir Kurogane.”

“Yes?” Kurogane turned back to look at the priestess.

Sakura stood up straight in the middle of the room, her hands folded neatly behind her. “I know you didn’t want to come here, to Castle. And I know maybe you don’t feel this way, but you did have a choice. And you chose to come, to protect someone on Tomoyo’s word alone.” She bowed her head. “So I just want to say, thank you very much for coming to take care of King Fai. And thank you for doing it so well. I’m really glad you have joined us here.”

Kurogane stared at her bowed head. He was genuinely touched by her words, and quietly pleased that someone -really the only someone - who was close to Fai felt he was doing good by him. He realized, as she raised her head and met his eyes, that he had known Sakura in some ways for many years, and always as someone who was beloved. He could see why.

He inclined his head back. “Thank you, Priestess Sakura. I really appreciate that.”

“I feel we will be good friends, Sir Kurogane. Speaking of, if you ever get tired of King Fai, feel free to come find me. It doesn’t have to be a life or death situation.”

Even as he laughed, a thought came unbidden to Kurogane- I doubt I’ll ever get tired of being with Fai. Huh. He tucked that thought away for later.

“I’ll make sure to do so.” Fai made a little indignant sound of protest behind him, which Kurogane ignored. “Thank you again. And, if you happen to speak to Tomoyo before me, tell her I say hello.” He paused for a moment, then added, “And that I’m doing well.”

Sakura’s smile was like a beam of sunlight across a summer sky. “It would be my pleasure.”

Chapter Text

Winter had properly set in, and a keening wind rattled at the window of Fai’s dining room, scattering tiny snowflakes against the panes of glass. Kurogane sat in the chair next to Fai so they could share a breakfast of hearty oats, eggs, and steaming tea. Fai was currently trying to explain some political thing to Kurogane, but the warmth of the fire in the hearth and the good food was making Kurogane a little sleepy.

“So, because Mereporte is looking to take over her land, Queen Yuko is seeking an alliance, as you know. Her country is small and borders ours to the south, and Mereporte to the east and north. We both believe an alliance with Japan will protect her independence, without having to resort to any warfare.”

Kurogane was shoving some eggs in his mouth, but he grunted to show he was listening,

“You didn’t know, did you?” Fai smiled amusedly. To be fair, Kurogane had noticed that a lot of the meetings lately had been with delegates from Yuko’s Country, Estorer, although he hadn’t really bothered to listen to what they had to say.

Instead of answering, Kurogane shoved Fai’s ankle with his foot. “What kind of alliance? You getting married?”

Fai looked horrified. “No, I would never have agreed to that. And neither would Queen Yuko. I don’t think I’m her type.” He tilted his head. “Although I suppose I would probably be married to Prince Watanuki anyway-“

“Okay, okay, I was joking.” Kurogane squeezed Fai’s wrist to get him to stop, unexpectedly upset by the hypothetical.

“Sorry.” Fai brushed his fingers over Kurogane’s on his arm. “I wouldn’t uproot our lives like that, Kurogane, particularly without asking you first.”

Kurogane stared at him. Fai smiled softly before continuing. “So. All of this means we have to make a trip to Estorer, in two weeks, to finalize and sign the treaty. Queen Yuko’s council has been generous in coming here for the previous negotiations, so we thought it’s time we extended the favor. Even though I’m not a particular fan of travel.”

Kurogane suddenly felt a little more awake. Traveling into a foreign country that was on the brink of conflict, especially as the king of the country that was meant to save it, was already a high risk situation. But also, he was certain Fai was underselling his low opinion on travel. For all the months Kurogane had been at the castle, he had never seen Fai even leave the castle grounds. He supposed he could have left back when he didn’t always know where he was, but he deeply doubted that Fai would have done that.

“Speaking of which,” Fai said lightly, “I’ve been meaning to go into Sunnefield for a while to get some things for Sakura and Syaoran. I thought maybe we could go today?” The casualness in Fai’s voice did not even begin to fool Kurogane. He raised an eyebrow at Fai, who smiled at him, one of his smiles meant to hide something.

“You want some practice?” Kurogane guessed gently. Fai’s eyes widened ever so slightly and his smile slipped. He let out a huff of breath, and then nodded his head once.

“Do you want to bring some other guards? I can ask Dame Chu’nyan to-”

“No, I trust you, Kurogane. I don’t need anyone else.”

“Okay.” Kurogane glanced at the snow speckled window. “But we’re going to have to bundle up.”

****

Kurogane had been to Sunnefield, the town nestled around Iris Castle, only a few times before. He had visited after becoming Fai’s guard to get the lay of the land, and to distract himself from his then distant king. The town began a little ways outside of the castle grounds and spread out along a network of sprawling cobblestone roads and dirt paths. It was much larger than the town center and neighborhoods of Suwa, but not so large that Kurogane had ever gotten lost even when on his own. Although if he did get lost, he could have just looked up at the castle rising up against the sky and found his way back home.

Fai seemed to be doing well enough as they exited through the castle gates and set off down the road. He was indeed bundled up, with warm boots and a thick, fur lined coat, over which he wore Kurogane’s traveling cloak, the one he’d worn on his initial journey from Suwa to Iris Castle. They had decided it was safest and most convenient if Fai didn’t stand out too much, and all his own clothing was a little too pristine and ornate. Kurogane’s cloak was neither. It had once been the black of a deep night, but over the years it had faded at the shoulders and hem. Two simple white crescent moons embroidered at the collar clasped the cloak loosely around Fai’s neck.

Fai caught him looking at him and furrowed his brow. “Are you warm enough? Do you want your cloak back?”

Kurogane was already wearing a cloak, one of the ones that Sakura had brought for him when he first moved in. He shook his head at Fai, more in exasperation than dissent. “Are you warm enough?”

“Yes. Just, a bit…worried.”

Kurogane brushed his hand over Fai’s shoulder, over his own cloak. Sunnefield was surrounded by a secondary wall, smaller than the walls that surrounded the Castle itself, but still a defensible delineation from the wider world. Fai was a well loved king in his country, and besides, this was an unplanned, unannounced trip. Kurogane wasn’t worried about his ability to keep Fai safe. But as always, Kurogane suspected that Fai was perhaps not worried solely for his own safety.

Soon houses began to crop up along the road, their chimneys trailing smoke up into the light grey sky. Neat gardens of winter greens grew in the yards, separated by sprawling hedgerows and low wooden fences that did little to hold in wandering flocks of black and white chickens. Fai and Kurogane walked side by side, passing in and out of the shallow blue shade of bare trees which reached their ancient arms out over the road. As they neared the town center, homes turned into storefronts, warm candlelight spilling out of their wide windows. There were more than a few people bustling quickly around, the cold of winter seeming to add an urgency to their errands.

Fai brushed against Kurogane’s side, and without thinking, Kurogane slid his hand around his upper arm, keeping him close.

“Where would you like to go?” Kurogane asked, looking down at Fai. Snowflakes rested delicately on his hair, and he was gazing down the street with eyes that seemed to not see anything in front of him. “Hey.” Kurogane squeezed his arm gently.

Fai stirred and looked up, his eyes blue-grey and refocusing on Kurogane’s face. “I wanted, uh, presents for Sakura and Syaoran. And to go visit some friends. Syaoran’s is a two-in-one, so let’s look for Sakura’s present first.”

Kurogane nodded, and let Fai lead the way towards a shop with an array of musical instruments in its front window. They both stepped to the side to get out of the way of an oncoming group of people, who hurried past them, hoods up against the wind. One of the men bumped hard into Fai’s shoulder with his on the way past. Kurogane put his hand on his sword.

Fai looked over at the scowl on Kurogane’s face, and glanced down at where his hand gripped his sword, mostly hidden under his cloak. He gave a surprised laugh.

“Sorry, I’m making you nervous. It’s really okay,” Fai assured him, putting his hand on Kurogane’s arm, which did unfortunately immediately mollify him. With one more glance at the rude man to memorize what he looked like, Kurogane reluctantly let go of his sword.

The first shop didn’t have what Fai was looking for, so they headed to the next one, hands empty. Even so, Fai left the shop keeper thoroughly charmed. Kurogane felt Fai was rather working against himself at keeping a low profile, but at least he hadn’t been recognized. That seemed like it would be a bit of a hassle.

In the next shop, Fai found an instrument he deemed suitable for Lady Sakura. It was a beautiful hand-held harp carved intricately from cherry wood. To the delight of the shopkeeper, Fai paid more than the asking price, and then tucked the harp safely away into a bag he carried over his shoulder. They exited the shop back into the biting cold of winter.

“Syaoran’s gift next. This way.” Fai led the way off the main road of stores, down a narrow path between the side of a bakery and a fabric shop. As the smell of warm wheat and rye faded away behind them, Fai pointed up at a wrought iron sign hanging over a shop ahead of them. Back Again Books.

“This is Sayoran’s favorite bookshop. We, of course, have a lot of the same books in the Castle library, but sometimes they have something unique.” Fai paused for a moment when they reached the door. He turned to look at Kurogane. “These two are friends of Sakura. They’ll know that… they know who I am.” Kurogane nodded, and Fai pushed the door open, the bright chime of a bell twinkling over his head.

Stepping into the shop, Kurogane was hit simultaneously with the overwhelming earthy smell of vanilla and dust and the overwhelming sight of the most books he had ever seen in one place. The shop was absolutely brimming with them, neatly but unendingly stacked in a maze of shelves and tables and alcoves, with the occasional chair squeezed in, presumably for people to collapse into when they became hopelessly lost.

Near the door there were two young men, one sitting behind a counter and one leaning over it to talk to him. The one sitting had fluffy silver hair and round glasses, and the other had dark straight hair and a serious expression on his face. At the jingle of the bell above the door, the two looked up.

“Your majesty!” The silver haired boy leapt up from behind the counter and rushed over to Fai, followed by the other boy. Kurogane was glad he was warned they were friends, or he might have stepped in front of Fai. But they both stopped short of the king and bowed to him. ‘King Fai, it is so good to see you again!” The silver haired boy’s face beamed with mixture of excitement and relief, and the other boy smiled at his side.

“Thank you, Yukito. It is wonderful to see you, and you Toya, as always.”

The black haired boy, Toya, spoke, his brow furrowed. “Is everything okay with Sakura? Why are you here without her?”

Yukito placed his hand gently on Toya’s arm. “I’m sure it’s all okay.”

Fai smiled and held up his hands in a calming gesture. “She is doing well, I simply wanted to shop for presents for her and Syaoran, and them being here would rather ruin the surprise.”

Yukito beamed at Fai. “Well, you’re certainly in the right place. Syaoran and Sakura were actually just here the other day! They mentioned you had a new guard.” He turned to Kurogane. “Sorry for our rudeness, we were just so happy to see the king. You must be Sir Kurogane. It’s an honor to meet you.” Yukito bowed to Kurogane and Toya inclined his head. Kurogane nodded back. Yukito smiled, his eyes wrinkling behind his glasses.

He clasped his hands together. “So, do you have a book in mind for Syaoran?”

Fai shook his head. “I’m afraid I don’t quite know what you all have that we don’t at the moment. But I know that Syaoran has been interested in the history of blades in Japan recently.”

Toya and Yukito both nodded and Toya waved his hand in the air. “When you were last here, it was the history of cooking utensils in the northern regions, for some reason, remember? I wonder if he ever read all of those.”

Fai smiled warmly. “Oh, he did. In a day.”

Yukito laughed, “Of course he did. I assume you want something of a little older print? We have a collection of volumes that might be exactly what you’re looking for.”

“I trust your opinion. Lead the way.”

The stuffiness of the shop and the closeness of the books was beginning to warm Kurogane a little too much. He set a hand on Fai’s shoulder before he could move off after the bookkeepers. Fai looked up at him questioningly.

“Want me to take your cloak?” Kurogane offered quietly.

“Oh, yes, thank you.” Before Fai could move to do it, Kurogane slid his hand over and unclasped his cloak from Fai’s throat. He pushed it off his shoulders and lay it over his own arm. Fai stood still and let him, watching his face.

Kurogane looked away. He was feeling unexpectedly protective of Fai. He was happy Fai had people he knew and liked outside of the castle, he really was. But it was strange to be in a new space Fai had only ever been in without him, with people who might know things about Fai he didn’t yet know.

He threw a glance over at the bookkeepers. Yukito was staring at him knowingly.

He turned his back, shrugging his own cloak off and setting them both on the nearest clear chair. When he turned back, Fai was following the boys down an aisle of precariously stacked books. Kurogane took a deep breath, the smell of old paper thick in his lungs, and followed behind them.

Yukito led them back through the maze of books to an alcove where the tomes lining the shelves seemed particularly ancient. He turned back to look imploringly at Toya, who came forward wordlessly and reached above Yukito, sliding out a set of three massive books off one of the top shelves. He silently handed them off to the silver haired boy.

“It’s very helpful to have a tall partner,” Yukito stated, smiling at Kurogane. Toya hit his hand lightly into his shoulder as Yukito was handing the books to Fai to inspect, earning him a grin from Yukito. Kurogane furrowed his brow. “I’m going to go check out something written this decade.” He glanced at Fai, but he seemed rather engrossed in the dusty volumes in his hands, so Kurogane turned and headed back towards the front of the shop. He really just wanted to get back to the windows, even if the grey light streaming through them wasn’t all that much brighter than candlelight.

He half-heartedly browsed at the front as the rest of them returned to the counter, presumably so that Fai could pay for the books. He let the sound of their chatter wash over him as he ran his finger down each spine on the shelf, the titles meaningless in front of his eyes.

“I mean, he seems nice enough. Well, he seems…strong enough at least. But why not just get your old guard back?

Kurogane froze.

Yukito spoke Toya’s name softly, but the man continued. “I mean, they said she was going to get better, right? That was months ago now. Is that guy just around until she’s back?”

“Toya, he might be able to hear you-“

Kurogane was out the door of the book shop before he had a chance to hear whatever Fai had to say in response.

He stopped abruptly in the middle of the road outside the shop and tilted his head up to the sky. The cold wind moved over his cheeks and across the bare skin of his arms. He stood for a long time, until his heart rate slowed and he really began to feel the cold sinking down into him.

The bookshop door chimed its bell, and he heard cautious footsteps stop just behind him.

“It’s a little cold to be out here without a cloak,” Fai said softly.

Kurogane turned around. Fai stood with his cloak pulled loosely around his shoulders and Kurogane’s in his arms. “May I?” he asked, holding it out.

Kurogane closed the distance between them, even though he hadn’t really minded the cold. Fai reached up and pulled the cloak around his shoulders as Kurogane looked down at him. “This part of your job?” he asked.

“Oh, yeah. I have to make sure all the people of my country are nice and warm.” Fai did the clasp at his throat, but kept his hands on Kurogane, resting on his chest. Kurogane took a deep breath at the same time as Fai, and they both laughed a little.

Fai met his eyes. “Her name is Alexi. My guard before you.”

“Oh.” Kurogane stood very still.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that she got hurt.”

“No, I’m not mad about that, Fai. I mean, I’m not mad at all. But, yeah, I assumed the person I replaced had probably died.”

“Oh, no. She’s alive.” Fai searched Kurogane’s face for a second before adding, “She’s… not coming back. Toya just hasn’t heard much about the situation.”

Kurogane felt his shoulders relax and something settle within him. Fai continued. “She’s okay. She lives a few villages over with her family. Do you want to know what happened?”

Kurogane wanted to know, but more so he wanted Fai to talk about it. He nodded.

Fai pulled his hands back from Kurogane and tucked them under his cloak. “Alexi began working as a castle guard back when my mother was Queen. She rose through the ranks, and impressed my mother so much she selected her to serve by her side. When my mother died, Alexi chose to stay and act as my guard as I took the throne.”

“She guarded me for many years. We used to travel a lot, as I met with people and reforged all the connections my mother had established.” He paused and looked away down the path. “Earlier this year, we were traveling back across the country side in Orosira, returning from some significant trade negotiations. While we were on the road we were attacked by a rival faction to the people we’d been working with. They wanted to take me hostage, but they didn’t care what happened to everyone else with me. Alexi took an arrow in the side, and four other guards were also injured.”

“No one died?”

“No, although barely. Alexi survived and recovered, but I told her it was time for her to retire. And she agreed. Maybe she would have stayed, but it was an order, and she’s always been loyal.” He closed his eyes. “Everyone always is.” Fai was silent for a moment, and Kurogane watched and waited.

Eventually he opened his eyes again, and with deep breath continued. “I had her blood on my hands that day, Kurogane. She could have died, she would have, if we hadn’t made it back to the castle in time. I wasn’t even scratched.”

Kurogane reached out and squeezed Fai’s arm, trying to offer what comfort he could. “I’m sure she was glad you weren’t hurt.”

“Yes. She was, of course. But after Alexi, I decided that was enough. I stopped traveling, using built up good will to have people come to me instead, and I went as long as I could without a personal guard. Up until the day Sakura told me…well, you know. I’ve just tried to limit the danger I’m in as much as I can, because danger for me is never just danger for me alone.”

He fixed his blue eyes, which were now a little too shiny, on Kurogane. “And the closer someone is, the greater the danger.”

Kurogane was silent for a while as he took in everything Fai had said. He had already begun to sense the shape of this in the way Fai behaved, the way he was always trying to set limits and borders on his life. None of it came as too much of a surprise, although his heart ached for what had happened, and what it had meant to Fai when piled on to all the rest of his life. He did have one question, though. “Why are you traveling again now?”

Fai shrugged. “It’s the right thing to do politically, for one thing. We’re meant to be showing our countries’ amiability with each other, not our sway over Queen Yuko. And also,” he brushed a hand quickly across his eyes and took a small breath, “because you make me feel brave. And also, so, so scared.”

The admission rocked through Kurogane more than anything else before. His heart beat hard in his chest.

“I know the feeling,” he muttered.

For a while they just stood across from each other. The breeze brushed at their cloaks and ruffled Fai’s hair. Finally Fai broke the silence, reaching into his bag before holding out his hands to Kurogane. In them he held the three books, each bound in faded and tattered brown leather, the set tied together in a new black ribbon. “You think he’ll like them?”

“They seem like they might be older than Japan itself, so yes, I think he will. Do you want me to carry them?”

“No, I’ve got it. And besides, you’ve got to have both hands free to keep us safe, right?”

“You joke, but that’s a good point.”

“I wasn’t joking, Kurogane.” Fai smiled at him, his eyes warm.

The bookshop door jingled behind them, and Toya stepped out and walked somewhat sheepishly towards them, trailed by Yukito.

“Hi, sorry to interrupt.” He stopped just in front of them, his hands clasped. “I just wanted to come and apologize, since you’re still here. I didn’t know you could hear us, Sir Kurogane-“ he gave a little oof as Yukito poked him in the side. “I mean, I didn’t know you didn’t know about Alexi. Anyway, I’m very sorry.” He bowed to Kurogane, bending at the waist this time, and then again to Fai. Yukito smiled gently at his side.

Kurogane waved his hand at Toya. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t worry about it.” He shook himself and rolled his shoulders, and looked up at the sky, even though the sun was nowhere to be seen. He would just have to guess that it was nearing noon.

“We better get going, Fai, you’ve got being a king to get back to.” He turned to say goodbye to the bookkeepers, but stopped short when he caught the shocked expressions on both Yukito and Toya’s faces. “What? What’s wrong?”

Fai chuckled amusedly. “Nothing. You’re right, we better get going. Thank you both again for the books; I’m sure Syaoran will love them. And I’ll make sure to tell Lady Sakura you say hello.’ He inclined his head. “I’ll see you again sooner next time, I promise.” He turned with a final wave, scooping his hand around Kurogane’s upper arm to usher him back down the path.

“Okay, I’m coming! I’m the one who said we should go!”

Fai laughed again, and they made their way once more towards the bakery and main street. When they were almost out of earshot, Kurogane heard Toya’s voice carrying down the path. “And after only a few months!” Yukito's warm laugh rang out in answer.

Chapter Text

The day before they were to set out for Estorer dawned cold and dim, and it never grew warmer or lighter. As the trip had drawn closer, Fai had begun to retreat again from Kurogane. It reminded him of his first few weeks being Fai’s guard, but this time he was at least able to still physically accompany him. Kurogane had been hoping the visit to Sunnefield would have helped Fai grow used to the idea of travel, and maybe in some way it did. But the weight of traveling so far to a country with turmoil at its border, particularly with a large company in tow, seemed to be too heavy a burden for him to shake.

The day passed like ice melting in winter, but finally after endless meetings and preparing supplies and double checking those supplies, they retreated to Fai’s dining room for a dinner with Lady Sakura. She was staying behind, to steward the castle while the king was away. Fai hugged her for a long time as they parted after their meal. She whispered something in his ear and pulled back, looking around him at Kurogane, her bright green eyes shining.

“I offer my blessings to you both. Sir Kurogane-”

“You don’t even have to ask. You know I’ll keep him safe.”

Sakura smiled gently at him. “Yes. I know. Keep yourself safe as well.”

“I’ll do my best, Lady Sakura.”

“Well, good then. Hear that, King Fai? He’ll be fine.”

Fai put a hand on Sakura’s shoulder and kissed the top of her head. He didn’t say anything in response. Sakura smiled quietly, and looked once more at Kurogane, imploringly. Kurogane reached out and took Fai’s arm.

“Let’s go, Fai. We have a big day tomorrow.” Fai let himself be pulled away from Sakura and towards the door. Kurogane turned back and bowed to the priestess. They would see her tomorrow at the Blessing of the Company when they set out on the road. And Syaoran was coming too to see them off, which was good because Kurogane actually had a book he’d been meaning to return.

“Good night, Lady Sakura.”

“Good night, Sir Kurogane.”

Kurogane silently led Fai the short walk down the hall until they stood in front of the king’s chambers. Of all the times Kurogane had knocked at this door, he’d never been inside. Fai seemed for a moment like he did not want to go inside this time either. Kurogane watched his face and waited to see if he would ask for what he wanted. The firelight of the sconces on the walls around them danced their endless waltz with the darkness, sometimes leading, sometimes following.

Finally Fai let out a breath and brushed his hand against Kurogane's shoulder, before just quietly saying, “Goodnight, Kurogane,” a tired smile curling his lips.

Kurogane pushed down the impulse to grasp Fai’s shoulder in turn and shake him. He felt he’d developed a new sense after all this time, one that let him know when Fai was backing down when he should be fighting. But also, maybe the night before their trip was not the time to push him, or he might just break.

“Goodnight, Fai. Sleep well.”

Fai smiled wryly at him, and then turned away and stepped into his room. The door shut with a soft click behind him.

Kurogane stared for a moment, then made his way back down the hall to his own room. He let himself in, surprised and grateful as he was every evening to see a fire already in the hearth. He changed into his sleeping clothes, but knew sleep would be slow in coming, so he sat in the chair by his hearth and began to clean Ginryu. The careful and repetitive motion calmed him, but his mind drifted inexorably back to Fai. He knew for a fact Fai was not sleeping, and maybe wouldn’t at all. Maybe it would help if Kurogane guarded his door, even though he was as safe tonight in the walls of Iris Castle as he ever was. But he couldn’t really help Fai from behind a door. Maybe he needed to be in the room with him to make him feel at ease.

Once the thought was there it was a lost cause to resist it. Kurogane felt certain he could help Fai, so he was going to go help him. Kurogane re-sheathed Ginryu, set it against his bed, and left his room, retracing his steps until he stood back at Fai’s door, only an hour after he’d left. He raised his hand to knock but paused; perhaps it wasn’t worth risking waking Fai up if he had somehow managed to fall asleep.

In the beat of hesitation, his hand hovering an inch from the door, Kurogane saw himself for a breath from outside his body - a knight in only a soft, black night shirt and pants, no armor, no sword, no shoes, only the wild thought in his mind that even without all those things maybe he could be some help to a king.

Kurogane lowered his hand to the doorknob, quietly opened Fai’s door, and slipped inside.

Immediately his focus shifted to survey the room he stood in. It was of course dark, but he could see well enough with the moonlight from the large window and the firelight from a low fire in the hearth. Which was good, because Fai had a knife in his hand and was standing alert beside his bed, the covers thrown back behind him.

“Goodness, Kurogane. I almost died from fright! And I almost took you with me.”

Kurogane grinned. “Would have been good sparring practice.”

Fai huffed and lowered the knife back onto his bedside table with a tired thump. “Ever heard of knocking?”

“I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“Oh, I was already awake.” Fai sat heavily on the side of his bed. He was wearing a simple, light blue sleeping shirt and pants, and his hair was as messy now as it was ever allowed to be. He stared at the floor for a bit before seeming to remember something. “Kurogane. Might I ask why you are in my room, knocking or no?”

Kurogane was still only a few feet away from the door, and wasn’t sure how to proceed, or quite what to say to the admittedly fair question.

“Aren’t you supposed to be off duty?” Fai added, as if the reminder would help Kurogane with the answer.

“Am I ever supposed to be off duty?”

“Well, aren’t you supposed to be asleep?”

“Aren’t you?”

Fai regarded Kurogane intently. The fire hummed in the fireplace, its meager warmth still leaving a chill in the air. Fai absentmindedly wrapped his arms around himself, which moved Kurogane to some kind of action. He began to slowly make his way towards Fai.

Kurogane supposed he should at least try to explain himself. “I thought, maybe, I could help you sleep by, by staying here with you. Since you’re worried about the trip, for reasons I think are both reasonable and arguable.”

Fai watched Kurogane’s approach tiredly, and sighed deeply at his words. He pushed a hand back through his hair, trying to keep his waves from falling in his face. Only about half of them obeyed when he dropped his hand back down to the bed.

“And you being here now will help to keep everyone safe tomorrow?” Fai asked, his voice low.

“No. I just thought if I was here… that maybe if you weren’t alone tonight-”

“I’m used to being alone, Kurogane.” Fai’s voice cut sharply through the room, and Kurogane felt his skin prickle.

“Oh, and we can only want the things we’re used to?” He asked, keeping his own voice even.

Fai looked up sharply at him. “What do you even actually want?”

“What does that matter?”

“What does… why wouldn’t it matter?”

“Because I’m here for you.”

“But why?”

“Because, I thought you might not be able to sleep, which I was right about, and that you might want company. I already told you!” Kurogane failed at keeping his voice steady, the situation slipping rapidly in a direction he hadn’t expected. He was now only a few feet in front of Fai.

He stopped advancing, but Fai stood up and closed the distance himself, until he stood in Kurogane’s space. His eyes flashed as they caught the moonlight from the window. “This is my room, Kurogane. No one comes in here but me at night.”

“Because it’s your room, or because you don’t have anyone who would want to?”

It was a low blow, and Kurogane regretted it before he finished saying it. But Fai grinned back at him with an almost triumphant glee. He grabbed Kurogane’s shoulder and shoved him back towards the door.

“Out. Get out.”

“I’m sorry, Fai. I didn’t mean - “

“Out! This is over the line, you being here.”

“I know, I’m sorry-“

“No! This is too much! Please just leave. It’s not - I can’t…” Fai’s hand on his shoulder stopped pushing him and instead gripped desperately at his shirt. “You’re too close, Kurogane. I can’t do this, not now. Not now.” Fai dropped his head down, his hair falling over his face. “It’s not fair…” he murmured, growing still.

Kurogane’s heart stuttered as the fight began to go out of Fai almost as soon as it had risen. He wanted to scoop Fai up, to hold him up so he didn’t have to hold himself. But he didn’t know if that was the exact wrong thing to do in the moment, so he settled for putting his hand lightly on the arm that still rested heavily on his shoulder.

“Fai.” Fai didn’t lift his head. “Fai. I’ll tell you what I want. Okay? I want to be here with you tonight.” He tucked his finger under Fai’s chin and waited without pushing at all until Fai lifted his own head. The blue eyes that met his were glassy.

“Okay?” Kurogane asked, concerned.

Fai held his eyes and spoke flatly, “Because it’s your job.”

Kurogane felt the vibrations of Fai’s words where his finger still curled against his throat, but that didn’t help him understand.

“What?”

“Because it’s your job to take care of me.” It wasn’t a question. Kurogane’s heart ached as understanding hit him, but he also felt a flush of relief. At least this was a way he could stay.

“Yes, Fai, because it’s my job to take care of you.”

“Okay. Okay.” Fai shook his head as though to clear it and let his hand fall away from Kurogane’s shoulder. He took a small step back, and Kurogane was reminded suddenly of Fai kneeling over his body in the courtyard, holding himself back from touch, from comfort, from what he wanted.

“So I can stay? That would be okay with you?” Kurogane wasn’t exactly sure what had been decided, and he needed Fai to give clear permission.

Fai nodded, breathed in shakily, and when he breathed out again he was crying, tears falling down his cheeks. “It’s not fair. It’s not fair…” His voice broke on his whisper.

Without hesitation, Kurogane closed the distance Fai had put between them, moving until their chests pressed together. He brought his arms up around Fai, and after a beat, so that Fai could escape if he wanted, he tightened his arms and tucked his cheek against Fai’s head. He murmured soothing words into Fai’s hair, unsure and uncaring of what he said, just saying it softly.

Fai eventually relaxed against his body, and his gentle shakes came to a stop. Kurogane pulled back just enough that he could check in on him.

Fai turned up to him and smiled a small, sad smile. “Sorry,” he said, a little bashfully.

“It’s okay.”

“I would love it if you stayed with me tonight.”

“Okay.”

“In my bed.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Fai’s eyes crinkled a little at Kurogane’s double take. “Where were you planning on sleeping?” he asked, his voice amused.

“I assumed you had a couch in here.”

“I do. But the couch is for day guests.”

Kurogane laughed at that, earning a smile from Fai. Kurogane dropped his arms, releasing Fai, who quickly brushed at his eyes and cheeks with his hand, before stepping back towards his bed. Kurogane followed, a little uncertain. This he had genuinely not been expecting, although he wasn’t upset at the notion. Just a little… trepidatious.

“Do you have a side you prefer?” he asked, surveying the frankly giant bed in front of him.

“I kinda sprawl all over the place, to be honest.” Fai glanced at him and then away again. “But uh, I’ll take this side tonight. You can sleep on the side nearer the door. To keep me safe.”

Kurogane couldn’t tell if Fai was joking, but he was going to offer the same idea, so he let it lie. He watched as Fai climbed under the covers of his bed and scooted to the far side, and then huffed and shuffled into the bed after him. They both got settled, a couple feet of space between them. Kurogane’s own bed was quite comfortable, but Fai’s bed was the first thing he’d encountered that made him think there might be something to being a king.

“Your bed is very comfortable, Fai.”

Fai laughed from beside him. They were both lying on their backs, letting the warmth build back up around them after the chill of the room. A stillness began to settle, interrupted only by the occasional hiss and crackle of the dying fire. Kurogane was comfortable and satisfied, but he wasn’t tired. Fai clearly wasn’t sleeping either.

“Kurogane.”

Kurogane turned to search for Fai’s face in the dimness. “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry. For fighting against you, when you were just being kind.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry, too. Although to be honest, I’ll never hate fighting with you all too much.”

“Hmm. In that case, I’m sorry about the last couple of weeks. I know I’ve been distant.”

Kurogane opened his mouth to answer but suddenly had to close it again. Something about it coming so gently from Fai made it all too much. For a moment it hurt too much to say it was okay. He grunted and turned his head away, squeezing his eyes shut.

He startled slightly when warm fingers found his wrist under the covers, and his heart fully stopped as Fai slipped his hand into his. Fai intertwined their fingers, his soft palm pressing against Kurogane’s.

Kurogane could feel Fai’s eyes on him. A concerningly strong feeling was washing over him, a pressing need to pull at the hand in his until all of Fai followed. But he held still. He’d already pushed far enough tonight, more than he’d meant to.

All he let himself do instead was squeeze Fai’s hand tightly for a moment. He hoped Fai could feel in it everything he felt but could not say. Please remember this. Please don’t go again tomorrow. Please let me stay this close.

Fai squeezed his hand back in answer, and then grew still. Eventually his breathing evened out and grew deeper, and his fingers relaxed against Kurogane’s. Kurogane lay awake for a while afterwards, listening to Fai’s soft sounds of sleep and turning his thoughts over and over in his mind. How far they’d come, that now Fai had tried to cling so desperately to the fact that he was his guard, when at their first meeting he hadn’t wanted him to be that at all. Kurogane knew now that Fai was haunted by the blood of others on his hands, by the waiting, weighted blades hanging around his head, by the things he felt were his fault but that he had no control over. Things that could take away the few people he was close to.

But that wasn’t the end of it. Fai didn’t want a guard, but he also went home to his room every night alone. Kurogane should know. He said goodnight to him every night at his door. In the quiet and growing darkness of Fai’s bedroom, in the soft warmth of Fai’s bed, with his hand curled against his, Kurogane finally let himself know that maybe there were things Fai was more afraid of than his guard being injured in the line of duty.

And maybe Kurogane had lied when he said he was just here because it was his job.

****

Kurogane awoke with Fai curled up against his back, his face pressed between his shoulder blades.

The very first light of morning was just beginning to color the room a rosy gold. The fire had long died in the fireplace, but Kurogane felt as warm as he ever had. He breathed in deeply. As he was surrounded by things that all smelled like Fai, it was something like being in a meadow. He smiled to himself.

He flexed his hands and toes, coming back into himself after one of the deeper sleeps of his life. As he awoke fully, the last night began to return to him in waves. Fai pushing him away, Fai holding onto him, him holding onto Fai. Staying.

He wanted very badly to be able to see Fai now, but he did not want to wake him up. He wondered if someone would come soon to start a new fire, and his heart quickened slightly at the thought. It would be hard to explain the current situation to another person. He couldn’t even really understand it himself.

Fai stirred against his back, and muttered something incoherent. Kurogane took his opportunity to turn carefully onto his back. Fai stayed sleeping as Kurogane resettled. He gazed down at him. Fai’s pale gold hair brushed over his soft cheeks, which were flushed from sleep, and his slender fingers were curled loose against his own chest, his arms pressed against Kurogane. In his sleep, Fai was a new kind of beautiful, one that Kurogane had never had the privilege of seeing before. It was a softer beauty, more subdued, a young man at rest instead of a great king in motion. He was so lovely. Kurogane always liked looking at Fai, he realized. When he was casting his spells on visiting nobles, when he was an hour into a hard sword match, when he was lost in his own life. When he was laying beside him, breathing gently, the morning gilding his curls in peach light.

Kurogane wondered, had Fai not been born a prince, if the world would not have kneeled down to him anyway.

For a while, Kurogane just watched the sun move across the floor, across the bed, across Fai. A feeling of duty instinctively pushed at his limbs as the morning wore gently on. He would not usually be in bed past this hour. But eventually he stilled and calmed himself, when it occurred to him that he truly had nowhere else to be. They didn’t have to leave for Estorer until noon, and he was already here beside Fai.

“Kurogane.” Fai’s soft voice stirred Kurogane easily from the light sleep he had fallen back into. Warm fingers touched his arm, and he opened his eyes. Fai had pushed himself up onto his elbow beside him, and had his hand on his upper arm. “Sorry to wake you.”

“S’ ok. I was already awake.”

Fai laughed. “Hmm. We’d better get up. Not that you can’t be seen in my bed, but it might be simpler for now.” He smiled, and Kurogane tried to ignore how that made it sound like he could maybe be back in Fai’s bed again. That was probably not how he meant it. “Plus, there’s lots to do before we leave. I know you talked with Dame Chu’nyan yesterday.”

“Yes, I did. I know my part.” He reached up and brushed his fingers through the soft hair at Fai’s temple, pulling his messy gold waves back from his face.

Fai swayed slightly at his touch, his face flushed. “Right, your part,” he mumbled distractedly.

Kurogane grinned at him and curled his fingers, before pushing them back out of Fai’s hair. “We better get ready then.”

Fai shoved at Kurogane’s hand and huffed, pushing himself further up until he was fully sitting, the blankets falling down around his waist. He glanced back down at Kurogane for a second, and then moved to get up, throwing his legs over his side of the bed.

He stood up and leaned back on the bed on his palms while Kurogane was still working on extricating himself from the covers.

“By the way, Kurogane, you’re very beautiful when you’re sleeping.”

Kurogane froze, and felt a flush color his own cheeks, despite it all. No one had ever called him beautiful before. He growled at Fai, “Shut up.”

Fai laughed brightly. “But of course, you’re much more charming when you’re awake.”

Well, now who was over the line.

****

Traveling from Iris Castle to Yuko’s palace in Estorer took three days and two nights. The traveling company was made up of Fai, his council, and a retinue that included ten royal guards led by Dame Chu’nyan. They traveled at a brisk pace, driven by the cold, staying in inns that scouts traveled ahead to to warn of their coming.

For his part, Fai did not let his unease show to the company. He was as calm and gracious as always, seeming to be as at home on horseback and rough roads as he was on a throne. Kurogane rode next to him the whole way, never letting him out of his sight. At night he stayed in the same rooms as him. The first night they were still in Japan, and for his part he slept soundly enough, although he knew Fai was restless in the bed next to his.

By the second evening they had traveled well into Estorer. That night he slept lightly and with one eye on the door. Hours before dawn, he heard the rustle of sheets and the creak of floorboards as Fai crawled out of his bed and padded over to him. He turned over when Fai lay his hand on his shoulder, lifting the covers wordlessly. Fai crawled under and tucked himself up against Kurogane’s chest. Kurogane lay the blankets back over them both and pulled Fai tightly to him. His back now to the door and Fai sleeping safely in his arms, he drifted off easily between one breath and the next.

The next morning dawned brightly, the winter-pale sun banishing all clouds from the sky for their auspicious day of arrival. Well before mid-day, they crested a hill and saw a little town lying below them, and nestled in its center an enchanting palace, carved of dark stone that seemed to sparkle in the sun. It was much smaller than Iris Castle, but still cut an imposing figure, its many towers and buttresses reaching for the sky with a captivating geometry.

Kurogane grinned at Fai. “Queen Yuko’s castle might have yours beat for style, Fai.”

Fai managed a smile. “Wait until you see her gowns. She’s definitely got me beat there.” He lifted his hand in the air and called to the company, “We’ve made it, everyone! Welcome to the Palace of Queen Yuko. We’ll ride down through town and dismount at the palace gate, where I’m sure we’ll be welcomed with a warm hearth and warm food.” A good natured cheer went up as cold fingers tugged at horses' reins and began down the path towards their destination.

Fai led the way, with Kurogane right behind him. The palace soon grew to fill the sky ahead of them, and the entrance gates came into view. A stone wall rose to either side of the road, lined with periodic lanterns dancing with welcoming lights.

Kurogane’s horse’s ear twitched right before the first arrow swished through the air, inches from Fai’s neck. It clattered against the wall past Kurogane as shouts went up along their company. The palace guards drew swords and knocked bows as a second arrow flew towards Fai. Kurogane cut it out of the air. “There! Behind that building!”

Chu’nyan let her arrow loose before Kurogane finished speaking, her aim true. A figure with a black cloak and low hood fell back with a cry, an arrow in their shoulder. Kurogane faintly heard another exchange of arrows and more shouting further down the line as he wheeled his horse around on instinct, Ginryu raised. He barely had time to process the figure leap off the wall straight for Fai, acting on instinct alone to put himself in between Fai and danger. A weight collided with him and he was knocked fully off his horse, crashing hard into the ground with a man on top of him. For a second he couldn’t breathe or see, all the air gone from his lungs and a burst of white stars flashing in his eyes. He faintly registered a deep pain lance through his right bicep, but it didn’t stop him from bringing the same arm up and then down fast, the pommel of his sword smashing into the back of the head of the would-be assassin. Non-lethal measures were protocol in cases like this, even though Kurogane with a desperate fury wanted to kill the man who was trying to kill Fai. The man went limp on top of him, and he took a single second to catch his breath before heaving him off and staggering to his feet.

He focused immediately on Fai, who was dismounting his horse and rushing towards him.

“No! Fai, back on your horse! Get inside!”

Fai stopped just short of crashing into him, a wild look on his face. He wordlessly reached towards Kurogane’s arm, where the sharp pain had come from. Kurogane knew what that meant. He didn’t look down.

“Fai, inside. Now.”

“Not without you.”

“Okay, I’ll come. I’m coming. Let’s go.”

Kurogane tucked Fai against him, Ginryu still in his hand. He could hear Chu’nyan shouting orders and distant commotion in one direction, and the clattering of hooves on stone from the direction of the palace. Queen Yuko’s guards were on the way. None of that meant Fai was safe, not yet.

Kurogane took one step towards the castle and felt his legs buckle underneath him. It was only Fai’s closeness that kept him from hitting the ground again. Fai made a startled noise as Kurogane slumped against him and turned clumsily to try and hold him up. “What’s wrong?” Fai asked, panicked.

“Don’t know. Feel sick.”

Fai’s eyes darted down to his arm again. Kurogane realized there was blood coating Fai’s clothes and hands. His mind went blank. When did that happen? When had Fai been hurt? Before he could ask, Fai’s fingers tight on his chin pulled his head up so that their eyes met.

“It’s yours, Kurogane. And I think the dagger must have been poisoned. Can you walk?”

Kurogane tried to shake his head, and felt suddenly wildly dizzy, his vision blurring at the edges. Fai pulled him bodily towards the stone wall, and helped him slide down it the best he could. Kurogane could feel the sharp cold of the stones behind his back, but he wasn’t sure he could feel much else.

“Fai. Inside. Please.” His words felt like sand in his mouth.

Fai turned away from him and shouted, “Help! Someone, over here! I need help, quickly!

“Fai.” Kurogane tried to move, even as an inescapable certainty began to sink into his bones.

“No, Kurogane. I’m not leaving you.”

The last thing Kurogane saw was Fai drawing his own sword, and then everything went quiet.

Chapter Text

The first thing Kurogane felt when he woke up was warmth. For a while that was all there was, warmth in endless darkness. Slowly other senses began to filter back to him. Light behind his eyelids, softness underneath him, the sound of his breath in his lungs. Pain, quiet but insistent, like a dangerous guest waiting at a door. He flexed his right hand. Yep. That was a mistake. He moved his left hand, and felt the source of the warmth, soft against his palm.

He opened his eyes, already knowing what he would see. Fai, his light blue eyes, his golden hair, his hand holding his, sat watching over him from a chair at his bedside. The second Fai saw him open his eyes, he stood up, his hand tugging Kurogane’s up off the mattress.

“Kurogane.” The disbelief in Fai’s voice broke Kurogane’s heart. He smiled weakly up at him.

“Hi, Fai.”

Fai stood stunned for a second, and then sat back down with a thud on his chair. He pressed his free hand over his eyes, and began to lightly shake. Kurogane just held his hand, unsure of how to help other than letting him cry.

After a while Fai wiped his hand down his face, his eyes red. “Sorry. I didn’t know if you’d wake up,” he muttered, sounding lost. Kurogane squeezed his hand in understanding, the darkness and quiet still heavy in his mind.

“If I get in bed with you, will it hurt?” Fai asked.

Kurogane looked at him gratefully. “I don’t know, but you’d better try.”

Fai let out a quiet, unsteady laugh and then let go of Kurogane’s hand so that Kurogane could carefully scootch over to the right side of the bed. Fai climbed up on top of the blanket and tucked up against his left side, laying his head on Kurogane’s shoulder. The familiar smell of Fai and flowers washed over Kurogane, and his weight and warmth and closeness seeped into him, pushing away the dark.

He closed his eyes and pressed his cheek to Fai’s head. “I’m so sorry, Fai.”

“Kurogane, so help me. If you’re apologizing to me right now for saving my life and nearly dying in the process, I might have to finish the job.”

Kurogane laughed lightly. That was exactly what he was doing. Fai’s nightmare had come true in almost the worst way possible, and he didn’t know how to help that. At least he had woken up.

“How are you feeling?” Fai asked, helpfully changing the subject.

“I feel alright. My head feels like it’s full of cotton, and I do believe someone stabbed me in the arm, but all things considered, not too bad.”

Fai shook his head against his shoulder and sighed.

A little trepidatiously, Kurogane asked, “Was anyone else hurt?”

“No, thanks to you and Dame Chu’nyan and all our knights. They immediately caught three of them, including of course the one you knocked out, and managed to catch the other before she got too far. They’ll go on trial tomorrow, but it’s fair to assume they were assassins from Mereporte trying to put a rather bold stop to the treaty.”

“The trial is tomorrow? They work fast here.”

“You were out for two days, Kurogane.”

Oh. That was a bit shocking; the longest he’d ever been unconscious for before was a few hours. Considering that, he really should have been feeling worse. Fai must have been taking good care of him. At that thought, he finally looked around at the room they were in. It seemed to be a small but nice infirmary, with wide windows softened by curtains on one wall and another wall lined with shelves full of medical supplies. There were only three other empty beds besides his. It certainly seemed to be a private infirmary in the palace.

“Kurogane, you were incredible, by the way. You moved so quickly I didn’t even know what was happening until after the man was unconscious.”

Kurogane refocused on Fai. “I wouldn’t say that was my best work, but thank you.”

“When I realized you had been hurt, I wanted to fight the attackers more than I’ve ever wanted to fight anyone in my life,” Fai breathed, and Kurogane looked down at him sharply, surprised and touched at such a sentiment coming from Fai. He could hear the conviction lacing his voice.

“You could have fought them and won. That’s why we’ve been training,” Kurogane pointed out, and he believed it. Fai was a better fighter than most.

“No, no.” Fai shook his head. “I mean, I don’t know, maybe if they were standing posed right in front of me. But in the end, I wasn’t any help to anyone. I wasn’t any help to you.”

“Fai, if you want to go there, I didn’t even see the first arrow until it was too late. It could have… in the moment, we just do what we can. And you did help me. I’m alive, aren’t I?”

“Only because you're the most stubborn man ever. And the fact you’re so big might have helped, too. That amount of poison would have been it for me.”
Fai’s sorrow quieted his voice to barely a whisper. “I know you won’t like me to say it either, but I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

Kurogane shifted the arm Fai was partly lying on so that he could brush his hand over Fai’s back. Fai closed his eyes and grew still, so for a while Kurogane just ran his hand gently back and forth. He felt an aching mixture of emotions swirling around in his chest. A residual fear that Fai hadn’t left his side in danger, a gratefulness he had stayed, a burning fury at the attackers, a kind of ghost of grief at what would have happened if that first arrow, or any after, had found its mark. A bright and warm happiness because Fai was lying with him now. If he could move his right arm to pull him further against him without it shouting in pain, he would have.

He looked down at Fai. Maybe it would be okay now, now that the worst had happened. Maybe Fai could see he could handle more than he thought. Or maybe not. But Kurogane knew that he had to stop hiding what he felt from Fai, or his feelings were going to spill out of him at a moment when he couldn’t gentle them into something Fai could maybe begin to manage.

‘Fai. I need to tell you something.” Fai opened his eyes and tilted his head to look up at Kurogane, his eyebrows furrowed. He hummed his permission to continue, and Kurogane could feel it in his own chest.

Kurogane took a deep breath. “It’s my job as your guard to protect you from harm. That has always been the way of my life, to use what I can do well to keep others safe. It’s the way I want it, even though it means my life is sometimes a little more dangerous. But I want you to know, I also care about you, Fai. A lot. I want to see that you’re safe, but also happy, and not just because it’s my job.”

Kurogane paused for just a moment, but when Fai didn’t react, he added, quietly, “And just so you know, caring about you just makes everything easier. My job, my life, the risks. Makes it easy and wonderful and good. I am sorry if it makes it harder for you.”

Fai was silent for a long time after he finished talking. Kurogane tried not to get nervous. He didn’t have any expectations; he couldn’t. He believed Fai cared for him, at least in some way, but that didn’t mean he wanted to hear this, or could answer in kind. Kurogane wasn’t even sure what he wanted Fai to do. All he could do was wait.

Finally Fai sat up off of Kurogane. Kurogane only had a moment to ache at the cold air that filled his space before Fai turned around and lay his hand over his chest.

“Thank you for telling me, Kurogane.” Fai smiled gently, his voice quiet and serious. “And thank you for saving my life.” He leaned down over Kurogane, pressing down on his hand, and softly kissed Kurogane’s cheek. Kurogane’s breath caught in his throat. Fai pulled back slightly so that he could meet Kurogane’s eyes. His blue eyes were full of an emotion that Kurogane could not name, but that made his stomach twist.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” Fai whispered. For a beat he stayed there, his hand spread out on Kurogane, his fingers brushing against his throat, his beautiful face impossibly close. Kurogane felt like some vital tether was coming undone in him. And then Fai pushed back, sat up, and turned away.

“I have to go. We’re signing the treaty into effect soon. I’ll send the doctors in to take care of you.”

Fai swung his feet over the side of the bed they were sharing, like he had only a handful of nights ago in his own bedroom. But this time Kurogane felt a creeping sense of wrongness that made him want to reach out and grab Fai. But he had to let him be.

Fai sat on the edge of the bed and spoke with his back turned. “By the way, I was thinking we could visit Suwa on the way back to the castle? I’d like to meet with Priestess Tomoyo and thank her. For sending you to me.”

He stood up and turned back to look at Kurogane.

“Okay?” He asked, his voice perfectly even.

Kurogane nodded numbly. The non-sequitur only added to his sense of unease.

“Okay, good.” Fai smiled, and for a second he looked as sad as Kurogane had ever seen him. And then he was gone, and Kurogane was alone in the infirmary, the winter sun streaming in through the wide windows, bright but without any warmth.

Of all the things that Fai could have done, leaving hurt the worst.

*****

A week later, they rode their horses through the familiar winding roads of Suwa. Fai had made them stay a few extra days in Yuko’s palace while Kurogane healed enough to travel comfortably, and then they had parted ways from the rest of the company once they made it back into Japan. Kurogane breathed in deep, the familiar bright mountain air of his home filling his lungs. It was a little strange to be back after so long, and after so much had changed, but in another way it felt just the way it always had. Except now he rode next to Fai.

They dismounted outside of the Royal Hall of Suwa and tied up their horses. Kurogane glanced at Fai as they climbed the steps of the hall. Things had remained strange between them since he had dissolved the remaining illusion of them simply being a king and his guard. Fai had stayed resolutely busy at the palace, and kept his distance from Kurogane. And he had stayed out of his bed.

He didn’t regret telling Fai how he felt, not really. He found regret wasn’t a very helpful emotion anyway; he’d wanted to tell Fai, and so he was glad he had. Besides, he was almost certain Fai had already known. It was just the hearing it that was the tricky part, because then it could no longer be ignored. Or at least, Kurogane was hoping it couldn’t be ignored for too much longer.

But either way, he was looking forward to seeing Tomoyo partly because he could use some of her advice. She was always a lot better with relationships than he was.

As they reached the top of the stairs, the elegant, white pine doors of the hall were suddenly thrown open, and Tomoyo rushed out into the sunlight, followed at a slightly more regal pace by the Duchess of Suwa. Fai and the Duchess bowed low to each other as Kurogane wrapped Tomoyo up in a hug, lifting her up off her feet, before putting her back down with a badly hidden wince. She looked up at his face with somehow both concern and disapproval.

“I see you’ve been busy, Kurogane,” she chided.

“You have no idea, Lady Tomoyo,” Fai said from beside him. Kurogane glanced at him again, but Fai kept his eyes on Tomoyo.

“King Fai. Welcome to Suwa.” Tomoyo and Fai exchanged their own bows.

Kurogane looked away from them back at Duchess Amaterasu. “Everything been good here? Are you both doing well?” he asked.

She smiled at him. “Yes, we’ve been very well. Would you like to come inside or just stand on our steps all day?”

Kurogane grinned. It seemed things had not changed much at all while he was away. He wrapped his good arm around Tomoyo, and together they all moved inside the hall.

Kurogane found that one of the benefits of visiting Suwa with Fai was that he was treated to the very best food they had to offer. He leaned back in his chair as their meal drew to a close, and watched the people he cared about most in the world as they talked over a table he had once eaten at every day. He felt happier than he had in a week, full of good food and good company, even if one third of the company was behaving like a skittish cat who was either about to scratch or bolt. It wasn’t like he wasn’t used to it.

Fai set his utensils down. “That was excellent, Lady Tomoyo and Duchess Amaterasu.” He turned to Tomoyo, who sat next to Kurogane, both on the opposite side of the table from Fai. “If I may, Lady Tomoyo, I was hoping I could speak to you in private for a moment?”

Kurogane sat up straighter, his stomach swooping low. That sounded like it could only be trouble. “Fai,” he growled, warningly.

Fai ignored him, but both Tomoyo and Amaterasu looked over at him in surprise.

“What?” He grumbled distractedly, debating if it was worth it to kick Fai under the table.

Amaterasu cleared her throat. “It’s just, do you usually speak so, ah, informally to the king?”

Right. He hadn’t called him Fai in front of them yet. He looked over at Tomoyo, whose face had softened into a fond expression. She met his eyes and laughed brightly.

“Ah, come now sister, he was much the same with us. King Fai, surely Kurogane can come too? I’m sure he’d like to hear what you have to say.”

Fai finally turned to meet Kurogane’s eyes. “You can come, Kurogane. In fact, I would like you to.”

Kurogane, rather dumbfounded, nodded silently. He pushed his chair back and stood up from the table. It seemed like private in this case meant leaving out the Duchess, but he had at least enough decorum to not ask her to leave the room. Fai and Tomoyo both stood too, and Fai bowed. Amaterasu smiled and inclined her head. Fai offered his arm to Tomoyo, and she took it as she came around the table.

Tomoyo led them to a private corner of the hall, and sat delicately on a cushioned bench under the window that looked out over their gardens. To Kurogane’s shock, Fai kneeled fully at Tomoyo’s feet.

He bowed his head to her, which hid his face from Kurogane, and spoke solemnly. “Lady Tomoyo, I wanted to thank you for sending Kurogane to me. He has made my life immeasurably better over these past months. He has been loyal, skilled, and brave, just as you said he would be.” Fai paused for a moment, and when he spoke again his voice shook slightly. “He has also completed the task for which you sent him to me. He has saved my life, as you said he would. If you both so wish, I will release him from duty as my guard, and he may return to his position here.”

Kurogane must have misheard something. He looked at Tomoyo, but she was just quietly watching his face. He wheeled on Fai.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about letting you return home, Kurogane,” Fai said. His voice had gone flat, and he didn’t turn to look up.

Something was rushing hotly through Kurogane, but he couldn’t tell if it was fear or anger or something else. He crouched down and grabbed Fai’s arm. Fai finally looked over at him, and despite his emotionless tone, his eyes were wet. Kurogane held his gaze, frozen by warring emotions.

Tomoyo spoke from beside them, her voice even and calm. “King Fai, do you wish to no longer have Kurogane as your guard?”

Fai shook his head. “I would keep him by my side, Lady Tomoyo.” Kurogane felt a tightness in his chest. “But this is his home and he was yours first. I mean only to offer you both a choice.”

Tomoyo smiled. “You know you are the king, your majesty? Your will outweighs either of ours.”

Despite the tears in his eyes, a small, wry grin crossed Fai’s face. “Oh, I don’t think that’s true at all.”

“Hmm, you’re right. We’d be hard pressed to outcompete the will of Kurogane.”

“Okay, everyone needs to shush up for one second,” Kurogane growled. He gripped Fai’s arm. He needed to focus on one person and one line of questioning. “Fai, answer me. Are you saying Tomoyo had a prophecy about me and you?

“Yes. She didn't tell you?”

“No, she just said you needed me.”

“Oh.” Fai looked taken aback.

“I mean, she also told me you requested me, which turned out to be very wrong, so I always knew there was more. But it just stopped mattering after a while.”

“I didn’t know you weren’t told. I was told the whole prophecy through Sakura.”

“Tell me.”

Fai recited the prophecy with rote familiarity. “‘Your’s and the Knight Kurogane’s fates are tied. Before the year has ended, he will save your life. But fear not, he will not die.’”

Kurogane took a deep breath, trying his best to understand everything that was being said. At the moment only one thing was sinking in. “Fai, you knew I would save your life and you knew I wouldn’t die, and you still didn’t want to let me come!”

Fai shrugged. “It still felt selfish. Too risky for you. Not dying is a pretty low bar, as we’ve seen, by the way.”

Kurogane lightly shook Fai where he still held his arm. “If I had heard the full thing, I would have said it was too risky for me not to come! Even before I knew you!” Another thought pressed its way in. He turned to look at Tomoyo. “Hey, why didn’t you tell me there was a prophecy, Tomoyo?”

Tomoyo just smiled fondly. “I didn’t need to, Kurogane.”

Fai added softly at his side, “You’d protect me either way.”

Tomoyo nodded. “Besides, I didn’t have enough details to be tactically helpful to you, or I would have shared them.” She reached out and patted his shoulder. “I knew you’d be able to find your own way.”

If he were being honest, Kurogane could accept there was a strategy to not telling him. While he trusted Tomoyo and her power and thus her visions, he’d never much liked the idea of acting on behalf of them. Going to Iris Castle for a prophecy would probably have made him even grumpier and more recalcitrant. But still.

“Tomoyo, you and I are going to have to have a talk about secrets after this.”

Tomoyo smiled at him and waved her hand innocently.

Kurogane shook his head at her, and, finally letting go of Fai’s arm, stood slowly up. He dragged his hand back through his hair and stared out the window at the garden, his eyes unseeing. He saw instead Fai at his bedside in the infirmary, so uncertain of if he would live even though he must have suspected that Tomoyo’s vision was coming to pass. In the end it seemed the prophecy, although Fai had known it himself all along, had not brought him comfort. Maybe he had never believed at all, and it was truly only through the belief and will of Sakura and Tomoyo that Kurogane had found himself at Fai’s side.

Kurogane’s blood still felt hot in his veins. But as he took steadying breaths in and out, he realized he was really only upset about one thing. Not Tomoyo and her secrets, not even the prophecy. Just that Fai had been carrying the prophecy as an end date, and was trying to use it as one last excuse to push him away.

“Fai, can you stand up?”

Fai obeyed, pushing shakily up to standing. Kurogane stepped close to him and put his hand securely around the back of Fai’s neck. He met and held his eyes.

“This whole time. This whole time you thought I was going to leave you?” He demanded.

Fai opened his mouth to answer, but instead tears began to slip down his cheeks. He wiped them quickly away before answering.

“I just, I thought you knew the prophecy. Before the year, you would save my life, and then you could go home.”

“Did Tomoyo ever say that? That I was just there until that happened?”

“Well, no, but-“

“And what about everything else?” Kurogane lowered his voice and brushed his fingers for a moment up into Fai’s hair. “Did you think I would just leave you after all this? That I would want to?”

Fai smiled weakly and shrugged. “Maybe?”

Kurogane stared at him, and Fai squirmed under his attention. “I mean, I thought I should at least give you the option,” he muttered.

“And you? Do you actually want me to leave?

“No! No. I don’t want that.”

“But do you need me to leave?”

At that Fai paused. He gazed at Kurogane, his blue eyes wide. “I have been holding on to this, Kurogane, when it was too much for me. I could let myself get close to you because I could just tell myself it was only temporary.” He lifted his hand and pressed his palm to Kurogane’s chest. “But I don’t want to have to do that anymore. Please stay with me, Kurogane.”

“Okay.” Kurogane answered immediately.

Fai blinked, and then let out a genuine laugh. He stared at Kurogane in wonder. “It’s really just that simple for you? To care about me? To stay?”

“It’s not simple, Fai. You’ve made sure of that. But it is easy. It is worth it.”

“And your home in Suwa? Lady Tomoyo?”

Kurogane turned to look beside him where Tomoyo sat on her bench. She wasn’t even pretending not to listen to them, which Kurogane supposed was fair. They were only standing like two feet away.

He met Tomoyo’s eyes. Months ago, all he had wanted was to be back in this hall, to be back with the people he had worked for and cared for all his life. To be back home. But now, standing here, with all the frustration and worry and confusion draining from his body, he felt a clarity pressing at his heart. This had been his home, and it always would be a part of him. But now he had a new one.

“Lady Tomoyo, I’d like to request permission to officially be released as a guard of the royal family of Suwa.”

Tomoyo nodded solemnly, a twinkle in her eye. “I release you, Sir Kurogane.”

Kurogane bowed down and kissed her hand. “Thank you,” he whispered. She patted his cheek.

Kurogane stood and turned back to Fai, who was staring at him with his mouth slightly open. Kurogane slipped his hand into Fai’s.

“King Fai, I’d like to request permission to come home with you to Iris Castle, and to stay by your side as long as you’ll have me.”

Fai stood stunned for a second and then began to slowly nod, tears slipping once more down his cheeks. Kurogane brushed them gently away.

“Yes, please. Come home,” Fai whispered.

Kurogane pulled Fai to him and wrapped his arms tight around him. Fai slipped both his arms around Kurogane’s waist and buried his face in his shoulder.

“Come home. Come home. Come home.”

*******

When they got home from Suwa another week later, Fai was immediately swept up in planning for the New Year’s Ball. It was an annual dance hosted by Iris Castle that was a big enough deal even Kurogane had heard of it. It was in celebration of the turning of the year, of what had been and what was to come. It was also a chance to dance and sing and eat and drink well in the heart of winter when those things were much needed.

The preparation, which included a dizzyingly long list of invitations, kept Fai in motion, and Kurogane only had a little time with him to himself. Things were good, as good as they had ever been between him and Fai. But he still felt a little like they were waiting. Waiting for some final thing to click into place.

Now that they were back home, Sakura took over care of his arm, which was recovering well. He was going to have quite the scar on his bicep, but that was hardly something to complain about, as long as everything underneath still worked as it should. Sometimes Fai came with him for his check ups, and split his attention between chatting with Sakura and fussing over Kurogane, but sometimes it was just him and Sakura. She was excellent company, sweet and mischievous like Fai but also confident in her relationships and in expressing affection, and he found he looked forward to his daily check-ins.

Finally the evening of the New Year’s Ball was upon them, and Fai had nothing left to do but entertain his guests and enjoy himself. Fai dressed up in a beautiful ornate tunic that was a rich midnight purple, and Kurogane conceded and wore one of his few outfits that wasn’t a guard uniform, even though he was still very much guarding Fai that night. It made Fai smile when he saw him, so he supposed it was worth it that he wasn’t wearing his light armor. Plenty of the castle guards would be keeping an eye on things tonight too, anyway.

They entered the Great Hall together, but soon parted ways as Fai did his duty and mingled with the guests, and Kurogane went to stand against a wall where he had a good view of everyone and would be left alone. Mostly.

“Are you having a nice time, Sir Kurogane?”

Kurogane turned to see that Syaoran had joined him. Kurogane nodded hello and then shrugged a shoulder at him. “I never quite understood dancing,” he said.

Syaoran smiled. His messy brown hair was a little neater than usual and his eyes sparkled happily in the warm lights of the hall. “I used to agree,” he said, “but I love dancing with Lady Sakura now. She makes it feel like we’re the only two people in the whole world.”

Kurogane looked down at the young man next to him. He wasn’t looking back, instead staring away into the crowd. Kurogane followed his gaze to find Sakura, who was laughing with Fai. Even across the bustling room full of people, they were both easy to spot, as though luminous points of gravity. Kurogane let his eyes rest on Fai, his warm smile, his bright hair, for a little longer than perhaps he should. But it was, after all, his job to keep an eye on him.

“You know, you could ask him to dance. I’m sure he’d say yes.” Sayoran said, the slightest lilt of teasing in his voice.

“You’re probably right.” He grinned down at Syaoran. “That’s why I don’t plan on asking.”

Syaoran chuckled, and they lapsed into companionable quiet, the world loud enough already around them. Kurogane’s eyes drifted back to Fai. He had looped three more people into the conversation with Sakura, and they seemed deeply enraptured by whatever he had to say. Seemingly feeling Kurogane watching him, Fai looked up and met Kurogane’s eyes across the room. Kurogane smiled before he could think to stop, and Fai’s face broke out in a beaming smile in response. He bent to Sakura and said something in her ear, and she looked up right at Kurogane and waved. He waved back, watching as Fai excused himself from the little gaggle he’d made. Kurogane shifted on his feet as Fai began to cut his way across the room towards him.

Syaoran looked over at Kurogane, and then turned to find Fai beelining for them. “I’ll take my leave of you then, Sir Kurogane.” Syaoran stepped away from Kurogane and turned to give him a bow. Kurogane smiled and put his hand on Syaoran’s shoulder to stop him.

“Just Kurogane is fine,” he said, giving him a pat.

“Oh. Okay.” Syaoran blushed a little and hesitated for a second.

Kurogane waved his hand at him. “Go on, the priestess is looking for you.”

“Right. Uh. I just, I wanted to say I’m glad you’re staying with us. It’s been good to have you here. I would have been sad if you left.”

Kurogane was taken aback. It was the kind of affectionate expression he’d almost grown used to from Sakura, but it was particularly touching to hear from Syaoran.

“Thanks, kid. I’m glad I’m staying too.”

Sayoran beamed at him, turned to go, and nearly ran into Fai, who laughed and took a step back.

“Ah! King Fai!”

Fai inclined his head. “Sayoran. Would you mind if I borrowed Sir Kurogane for a moment?”

“No, of course not. I was just leaving. I hope you have a good New Year’s eve, King Fai, and you as well, s-, uh, Kurogane.” He bowed at them both and then slipped off into the crowd, heading for Sakura.

Fai raised an eyebrow, to which Kurogane shook his head exasperatedly. “I told him to drop the ‘sir’ thing. I’m honestly surprised he did it.”

“Me, too. That was sweet of you.”

Kurogane hummed and met Fai’s eyes. “Hey, are you about to ask me to dance?”

Fai laughed and stepped to stand beside Kurogane, leaning back against the wall. “No, I wouldn’t do that to you. Well, maybe I would. But not tonight.” Fai looked out over the room at the rolling sea of people dancing and laughing and singing and talking about the year past and year ahead. Kurogane watched him watch them, and wondered as he always did what Fai felt when he was surrounded by the people for whom he was king.

Fai turned back to Kurogane. His face was open and warm, his eyes still bright, like maybe the answer this time was that he felt happy. Kurogane felt a lightness in his chest.

“Kurogane, I want to give you something.”

Kurogane tilted his head. “In general? Would you like some suggestions?”

Fai shoved his arm. “No. A gift. I have it with me.” Fai began to step back, further away from the crowd. “Come here.”

Kurogane followed curiously as Fai led them to a little alcove lit by candles and a wide window that let in the blue light of the clear night sky outside. The chaos of the crowd faded to a cheery murmur behind them. Fai stopped and turned to Kurogane, and procured from somewhere on his person a little bundle of fabric tied up neatly at the top with a black ribbon. He held it out in his hand in silent offering.

Kurogane stepped close and took it, letting his fingers brush Fai’s palm. “Why are you giving me a gift?” he asked, holding the little bundle carefully in his hand.

Fai smiled as though that was a silly question. He shrugged and shook his head, the clasps holding his hair back in twists glinting as they caught the light from the window.

“I wanted to thank you. For saving my life. But really more for… being in it.” Fai smiled softly and gestured at Kurogane. “Open it?”

Kurogane looked down at the fabric in his hand. Carefully, he untied the ribbon and pulled it open. Inside was a delicate necklace. On its thin chain hung two small pendants, intricately crafted out of silver; one was a crescent moon and one was an iris flower. Suwa and Iris Castle. Kurogane couldn’t do anything but stare at it in astonishment.

After a moment Fai spoke up, his voice soft. “I had it made for you. So you can carry around a bit of both of your homes with you wherever you go.”

“Fai. I… I can’t…” Kurogane tore his eyes away from the necklace and looked up at Fai, who was staring at him with wide eyes. “Thank you so much, Fai. It’s really special.”

“Do you want to wear it?”

“Yes. And I don’t plan on taking it off.” Kurogane still hadn’t even removed the necklace from the fabric.

“In that case, is it okay if I put it on you?” Fai asked.

Kurogane nodded. Fai gently picked the necklace up, and let it slip through his fingers until it hung the right way up, the points of the crescent curling around the iris blossom. Then Fai was stepping right up to him, into his space. He lifted his hands up to either side of Kurogane’s neck and clasped the necklace back together, his fingers brushing against Kurogane’s skin. The chain of the necklace was already warm, presumably from Fai carrying it around on him all evening. Fai brushed his hands across Kurogane’s shoulders and down his chest, fiddling with the pendants.

Kurogane tucked the fabric from the gift away and then slid both his hands around Fai’s waist, holding him in place. He wasn’t going to let him move away, not this time. He felt Fai breath out sharply under his palms.

He looked down at him. “You okay?” he asked quietly.

Fai nodded. His blue eyes were bright, but he seemed a little dazed.

“Will you still be okay if I kiss you?”

Fai’s eyes widened, and his mouth fell slightly open in surprise. Slowly, he smiled, his eyes creasing.

“Honestly, Kurogane, I might even be better.”

Kurogane laughed and leaned down to kiss the smile off his face. The moment his lips met Fai’s, sparks skittered along his spine and his heart beat kicked up. He kissed him gently at first, but Fai pushed against him and deepened the kiss himself, curling his hands tightly into Kurogane’s shirt where they still rested against his chest. In answer, Kurogane slipped his hands up Fai’s sides and around his back, holding him close. He could feel Fai trembling under his arms.

When Fai tilted his head back and parted his lips, suddenly none of it was enough. He wanted to push Fai back against the wall, draw his hands down his sides and back through his hair and tug his head back so he could kiss his face and neck and feel him move underneath him-

Kurogane pulled back from Fai, overwhelmed. Fai whined in protest.

“Sorry, sorry,” Kurogane muttered, rubbing a hand across Fai’s back. Fai sighed and shook his head in understanding. They were both breathing hard, and Fai was leaning back on Kurogane’s arms like he would fall if he let go. Faintly, Kurogane registered the chatter of the crowd in the dance hall only a few turns of walls away, even though he was just barely able to bring himself to care.

Kurogane leaned down again and pressed his forehead to Fai’s for a moment, and then kissed Fai’s cheek, which made Fai make a little noise of delight. He untangled one of his hands from Kurogane’s shirt and brushed his fingers up along his neck, cradling his jaw, sending a wave of warmth through Kurogane’s body. Fai gazed up at Kurogane, his face flush and content.

“Kurogane,” Fai said softly, “do you remember when you were in the infirmary in Estorer, and you said you cared about me?”

“Yes, Fai, I remember that.” Kurogane felt his heart beat even harder than it already was as Fai continued.

“And you apologized if that made my life harder? I didn’t really answer like I should have. I thought you were going to leave me then.” He took a deep breath and continued. “I suppose I also thought this was something I was too afraid of to have. But I trust you, and I feel safe with you. I also care about you so much. So I’m realizing, with you, I don’t have to be afraid. And I’m going to try my hardest to believe you when you say you’re okay with everything it means to… to be with me.”

Kurogane felt an intoxicating mix of certainty and hope rush through him. He kissed Fai’s other cheek. “I’m more than okay with being with you, Fai.”

“Alright. Good then. Cause I want to be with you.” Fai smiled, and it warmed his eyes. Kurogane smiled back, feeling as happy as he could ever remember feeling. He could only nod in response.

Fai slid his hand back off of Kurogane’s jaw and thumped it lightly against his chest. “Do try not to get hurt again though, because I will absolutely lose it.”

“You seemed mostly to hold it together in Estorer,” Kurogane pointed out.

“Well, you were unconscious for two days. I’d be surprised if they ever let me go back there.”

Kuorgane chuckled. “I honestly wish I could have seen that. But I’ll do my best not to replicate it.” He gently squeezed Fai. “Either way, you’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”

Fai nodded, and even if it wasn’t true yet, Kurogane knew they would get there, to where Fai could stop feeling the weight of chance as his burden and fully trust Kurogane to shoulder his own consequences. What mattered now was the fact that Fai wanted to be with him, felt safe being close to him, felt that being known by him was worth it. It was more than he ever thought he would get to have.

For a moment, they were both quiet, standing entwined together. A distant rumble of jovial commotion went up, and Fai glanced back in the direction of the dance before looking to Kurogane.

“Kuorgane, two questions. One, could I interest you in leaving the dance early?”

“I would love nothing more, but won’t people worry about where you went?”

“As long as you’re gone too, I think no one will worry too much. Second question. Would you like to sleep in my bed tonight? And also maybe every night after that?”

Kurogane removed one of his arms from around Fai so he could gently grab his chin.

“Do you mean that?” He demanded.

“Of course.”

Kurogane leaned down and kissed Fai on the mouth again, softly but a little too long. He felt Fai shaking with laughter under him, his mouth curling in a smile even as he kissed him. Kurogane pulled back with a frustrated huff.

“Now? Can we go now?” He asked, thoughts of
Fai lying underneath him on soft blankets flooding through his mind.

Fai laughed properly and nodded. “Yes, please.”

Without hesitation, Kurogane bent down and scooped Fai up into his arms, one arm under his legs and one supporting his back. Fai hardly seemed surprised, leaning his side easily against Kurogane’s chest.

Kurogane turned and started to head out of the alcove down the hall, away from the people and the party and the need to do anything but be with Fai. That could all start again tomorrow. Right now he was holding the person he loved most in the world safely in his arms, like he’d wanted to do countless times since the day he’d met him.

Fai kicked his feet and lightly said, “So, do I need to get a new personal guard, now that you’ve been promoted?”

Kurogane growled and squeezed his fingers against Fai chidingly. Fai laughed, and tucked his head down against Kurogane’s shoulder, his soft hair brushing against his cheek. Kurogane carried him all the way through the halls of the castle to his room, and only set him down when they made it to their bed.