Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kevin wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep this hidden.

Andrew definitely knew, probably figured it out the day the cousins & Neil returned from summer break. But he didn’t give enough of a shit to say anything to Kevin about it. Kevin wasn’t Andrew’s problem anymore. It was a double edged sword; the freedom to not have someone breathing down his neck, but not being able to lean back and have something solid to exist against.

Kevin was concerned Andrew would tell Neil in a passing comment or snide remark. Use it as a blackmail to keep Kevin in line with his ever-ending requirements of existing within his space. If Kevin pissed Andrew off somehow, Kevin’s issues would become another knife in Andrew’s collection, to be wielded and weaponised at his convenience. And if Neil knew, then he would be in a world of shit. He would try to intervene, call him a hypocrite. And when Kevin’s stubbornness would refuse to cooperate, Neil would threaten to tell coach or Abby, and that would be an avalanche Kevin wouldn’t be able to survive.

Not that he wasn’t used to it by now. Disappointment, fury, punishment from his fellow players, coaches, doctors. But he also knew the Foxes would never be as bad as the Nest. Never be as violent, as unforgiving or as abusive as they were. Yet, the sting of their heavy expectations was so acute, Kevin shrivelled.

With that in mind, Kevin pressed his flask to his lips, ignoring the shake in his hand. As he took his swig, his eyes locked on his scarred hand, roving over the lightning struck lines across his knuckles, his skin. The raised, ugly scars could probably fare better if he cared to look after them, but when he had gloves on during games, it was easy to forget they were there. He swallowed his vodka with ease, setting the flask in his pocket, reaching for his hair gel.

Wymack was collecting the last of the new recruits today, to bring them to the court for the Foxes to meet. Before their grand final match with the Ravens last season, Kevin had recruited him, Neil and Dan to help pick out 6 new players to join their complex line up. Looking through the documentation for each one was nightmare enough – no one stuck out to him the way Neil had, bar one. The rest he scoured, scrubbing Dan and Neil to the bone on why they chose the ones they did, until he was mildly satisfied.

When Coach had gone to do his in person recruiting after their end of year exams, he brought Kevin to his choice, Dan to hers and Neil to his. The other three he did alone. As to how they went, Wymack kept it to himself. Kevin suspected he wasn’t in the mood for his bitchy judgements.

He knew 2 of the 6 new players were staying at Abby’s place for the last couple of weeks, but Wymack banned anyone from meeting them until everyone was together. He didn’t trust arguments, fights or dissonance not to erupt within the first 5 minutes of everyone meeting them. Especially after Neil’s first summer with Kevin and the cousins, Wymack was hoping to get the new players integrated a little more smoothly. Kevin felt Coach was being careless, putting too many wild animals in one pen at the same time, then hoping they wouldn’t attack one another. In the world of the Foxes however, that was probably considered normal.
A knock at the bathroom door shook Kevin from his thoughts, Nicky yelling through the other side.

“Kevin! Hurry up man - I need to do my hair! How else am I going to get these newbies on my arm?!”

Kevin groaned, rolling his eyes, brushing his fingers through his shaggy hair and smushing it around, messing it up. He then began to brush his teeth, after which he made sure to pop in a few mints in his mouth to dispel the smell of vodka, before opening the door, ignoring Nicky’s yelling and shoving past him to put his shoes on. Neil and Andrew were sitting on top of the dresser, talking quietly, Andrew with a smoke in hand that he let Neil take from his fingers.

Kevin leaned against the door frame, arms crossed, watching the pair. Over the summer break, the twins and Nicky had taken Neil to Germany to visit Erik. Nicky had begged Kevin to come but he had refused, the exhaustion of the year having drained out any desire to actually enjoy a summer holiday for once in his life. He also couldn’t stand the thought of being away from a court for so long. When Kevin said that, Nicky called him an obsessive freak. Not untrue, Kevin thought, but it earned Nicky a whack on the arm nonetheless.

Andrew and Neil had come back with a different air around them - a self constructed bubble of safe existence that neither of them had probably ever had before. They were more in sync, united in their energies. Kevin had a pit of envy when he picked up on it upon their return - Neil was still as exy-focussed as Kevin was, but now he also made room to fit Andrew into his small list of obsessions.
Kevin knew it unfair to be jealous of what the pair had, but he couldn’t help the hot envy that snaked through him. He'd gotten far too used to having Andrew as his own that the idea of now relinquishing that into the hands of Neil scolded his psyche. He had a wall to lean on, to be safe around, to work with and better, but all of that dissipated the second Andrew turned his attention toward Neil. Andrew hadn’t abandoned his weird version of friendship with Kevin, but he sure felt the severance of care factor shift its latches to Neil.

Kevin wasn’t used to his own company. Growing up in a pair system, he had always had Riko or at least another Raven around. When he came to the Foxes, that replacement became Andrew. And now, there was no one. Just him and his rotting, self destructive brain.

Kevin’s summer had been miserable, but he’d better cut off his own hand then ever admit to the Foxes that he missed their presence. The entire team had left - Dan and Matt had gone to see Matt’s mother and travel with her on a boxing tour, and Allison took Renee and her mother resort hopping. Allison’s win with the Foxes’ last season had put her a little back on the ins with her family as it brought them more business. But Allison knew it was all transactional favourings, not genuine care. She didn’t care as long as she had access to the money.

Meanwhile, Kevin was stuck with Wymack and Abby. He made use of the time with Wymack to continue training and reforming his injured hand to its original glory, but his loneliness had become an expansive pit within his chest. It had festered, began to rot as his mind went day after day replaying the events of the past 12 months. Facing Riko on live television, facing him again on the court, at the banquet, Neil being kidnapped, Andrew nearly killing Allison and himself, telling Wymack he was his father, Jean escaping the nest with Renee’s help, Riko’s death, the falling apart of the Ravens.

The time alone had let Kevin think more than he had wanted to about his upbringing as well. Memories of Riko, his twisted version of love and power, had secured its way to a permanent weight on his chest. No matter what he did, playing exy until he threw up, doing weights until he thought he would pass out, going for runs until he could no longer walk. Nothing helped.

This summer, he realised, was the first time in his life he had had the space to be alone. And the terror it brought upon his brain was as dizzying as it was frustrating to deal with. It made him desperate for human presence. He knew how much he loitered around Wymack and Abby for the first few weeks. When Kevin realised that they had noticed, with side eyes to each other and whispered comments behind his back, he immediately retreated.

Questions from them about his odd, needy behaviour would be more insufferable than being alone.
He was so desperate, he almost messaged Jean. But he knew that would be detrimental to Jean’s healing - backwards, cruel to pull him into the jumble of trauma they both shared. He knew Jean resented him – for abandoning him, for making him take care of Neil, leaving him in Riko’s palms… he wasn’t sure if he and Jean would ever be able to have some semblance of normality in their relationship again.
His last ditch effort was reaching out to Thea. He thought once he had smoothed out the truth about what Riko did to his hand, that she would ease up on him. She had, for about a week. After their win against Edgar Allen in the finals, the breaking of Riko’s arm, then Riko’s death, she did a complete 180 on him.

She was the first person he called when he had the chance after the game. But the call was declined, and all he got was a curt text stating that she wanted nothing further to do with him. At the time, he couldn’t focus on it over the ending of their game and what had then happened to Riko. When he tried to reach out to her in the days after however, unable to get himself off Wymack’s bathroom floor from grief, he finally understood the finality of her message.

He was surprised she said yes when he had asked if he could see her. He thought maybe the time during the summer helped her process what had occurred. He thought she would understand, or at least be someone to lean on. Some small, childish part of him wistfully wished Wymack was an option. But he certainly couldn’t be, he just didn’t have that type of relationship with him. He wasn’t entirely sure he ever would. Abby wasn’t either, not that he didn’t trust her but more that he knew she and Wymack told each other everything. And Kevin still didn’t quite trust Dobson.

Yet, seeing Thea ended up being a huge error in judgement. In his desperation to escape his own mind, he had forgotten Thea’s ruthless nature, her permanent loyalty to anything related to Edgar Allen. When Kevin had met up with her, it hadn’t turned out how he wanted.

“Did you think I would give you sympathy, Kevin? Did you think I would be your shoulder to cry on? Surely you aren’t this stupid. You ruined any semblance of what it is to be an exy player. Single handedly managed to smear the most prestigious, important and skilled exy team in the country, because you couldn’t fucking handle Riko. You couldn’t just be his second, support him on the top, and give him and the whole team the glory we fucking sweated, bled and broke for. You are a permanent stain on our history, and should never have been given the opportunity to be on Riko’s Perfect Court. You were always destined to throw it away. Your weakness is caring, Kevin. You started to care too much - not about exy, but about possibilities other than your path. About things other than exy.”

Kevin had watched her then, knowing that what she said was true. He could have had his glory, been second to Riko and rocketed to the top with him. But that’s just it – it would have been beside him, under him, Kevin’s efforts morphing into an unrewarding Sysiphean effort.

Thea’s eyes had been colder than he ever remembered, although maybe they always were. Where he thought they used to be rich, passionate, determined, they were now dead and glossed over. She had been harsh, and had not even fully sat down with Kevin when she cut him off at his opening up. She spent another few minutes insulting & berating him before abruptly leaving. The lack of movement in her face as she left, as if they had never been a supportive wall for one another, had been a breaking point that summer.

Kevin found couldn’t speak for the rest of the day, her words a broken record wracking around his skull dully. Each rebound in his mind cut her words deeper into his very being. That night, he avoided an organised dinner with Wymack and Abby so they couldn’t suspect something had gone awry with him.
His ongoing texts of holiday pictures and stories from the others kept him somewhat afloat, but then the vodka swooped in like a honey-warm hand, soothing, comforting and silencing his mind. Day after day, he consumed more and more of it. Being primarily left to his own devices, it was easy to hide. It made time training alone pass faster. He burnt more energy, sweated more, whilst his mind slid to a numb, dull throbbing. That he could handle - as long as he threw his body into the exy with a nullified mind, he could endure the time alone.

He hadn’t realised Andrew and Neil had moved until Andrew was brushing past him, Neil on his heels, nudging Kevin on his way by.

“We gotta go, Kevin. Mornings still don’t suit you by the way.”

Kevin muttered an insult at Neil, following behind silently and heading out the door of their dorm to Andrew’s car. He took the passenger seat, shaking his head a little to clear the buzzing effect of the vodka. Nicky was already yapping in the back, excited to meet new players and have a plethora of new people to poke and study.

“I can’t believe Coach isn’t telling us about all of them yet. He seriously thinks he can protect them from us by giving us no information? At least we know the one Neil chose. Kevin, you could have given us some detail about whoever you helped recruit.”

Nicky pouted at Kevin in the rear mirror, resulting in Kevin rolling his eyes turning to face him.

“Just trust that who I chose is infinitely better than whoever Neil, Dan and Coach chose. That’s all you need to know Nicky. And before you ask yes - you can bet on that.”

Kevin turned back to the front and ignored Nicky’s rapid-fire commentary, Neil occasionally joining in and also quietly entering into the bet. Neil hadn’t been much for betting last year but now, with the weight of his father’s existence off his chest, he seemed to be finally able to discover things of enjoyable and entertaining quality – and betting in the Foxes’ stupid bets was now included.

Kevin knew briefly of Neil’s choice, a stocky goalkeeper who didn’t have enough experience or years in exy to join a Class I game. Kevin suspected Andrew had something to do with Coach allowing this girl on the team, but he knew Andrew only had influence not control on who Coach recruited. So she surely had to be worth something. He hoped.
As for who Dan and Coach chose, he had more faith in their options but knew his would be the most suitable for the Foxes.

He had recruited Jack, another striker from Texas, who played with the grit and power that Kevin knew he could shape into a professional. Coach had let Kevin go with him to recruit the kid – who had not even let them greet him when they walked into the University of Houston, but immediately said yes, snatched a pen from Wymack and signed without any questions. Kevin couldn’t figure out why none of the major Texas Leagues recruited him, but their loss. Kevin liked the dedication, even if Wymack thought the kid was deranged.

Apparently, Jack was in and out of juvenile prison between the ages of 10 and 15, with a knack for theft, which turned into diagnosed kleptomania. Like Andrew, exy had been used in lock up to help rehabilitate, entertain and refocus the youths. He got into Houston on some sort of a disability scholarship, and upon realising they had an exy team that played local comps, he joined up and never looked back.

Andrew finally arrived at the court, shaking Kevin from his thoughts. Wymack’s car was already there, as well as Matt’s empty truck and another car Kevin assumed to be one of the new players’. Neil led the way, pulling out his key to unlock access and punching in the codes for the courts, leading them to the lounge area.

Nicky pushed past Neil, wanting to be at the front of the socialising as they took in the new faces.
Before them stood 4 girls and 2 boys, surrounding Wymack at the front of the room. Dan was up front, introducing herself excitedly to all of them, despite the lukewarm warm responses from the newbies.
Jack stood & nodded when he saw Kevin, looking cocky and most self-assured amongst the new recruits. His blond hair and blue eyes were startling at best, threatening if one looked for too long. Kevin nodded back, glancing at Andrew and Neil for their reactions, but they were focused on talking to the one Kevin assumed to be Neil’s recruit. She was about the same height as Andrew, with choppy brown hair and light brown skin. He heard Neil call her Robin. She seemed unsure of herself, nervous about her place in the room. In Kevin’s mind, if you couldn’t hold yourself amongst this team from the get go, it clearly wasn’t going to be a good match. Yet, Kevin also knew what it meant to be underestimated, misjudged. He’d done the same with the Foxes as a team, had experienced it first hand when he joined. He could only hope that this choice was going to pan out better rather than worse.

The second girl was an eyesore from head to toe. Silver jewellery littered her ears, both eyebrows, nose and lips in various spots. Bright purple hair shocked her head upon tanned skin and a strong, ridged nose. She wore a hefty collection of black and chains, and it left Kevin wondering how on earth her helmet didn’t snag on her plethora of piercings. She was chatting somewhat cautiously with Dan, which Kevin suspected was her recruit. Kevin could sense an air of superiority from her, almost as if she thought she was above joining the Foxes. Kevin suspected with an attitude like that, her and Jack would likely get along.

The third girl and second boy stood together – Kevin briefly remembered their files, but waved them off at the time. Their stats were all over the place, but he could understand why Wymack had brought them both. They were both from the same school, one a defensive dealer, the other a backliner. Where one fell in skill, the other made up for it. Why they didn’t both just play backliner was beyond him, but Kevin could only trust that Coach had a long term plan. The girl stood with stiff arms across her chest, sporting a severe chestnut bob with blonde dye strips at the front. She was utterly indifferent to Nicky and Renee’s attempts to talk to her. The boy was just shorter than Kevin, with brown skin a few shades darker than Nicky and shoulder length dreads held back in a ponytail. He was clearly out of his comfort zone – he flinched away from Allison and Matt’s attempts to talk to him. They looked at one another as if checking which one of them had grown a second head.

The last girl however, hadn’t said a word to anyone and stood near Wymack, almost using him as a viewing platform. He didn’t remember her file whatsoever. Had he even seen it? Kevin narrowed his eyes and moved around to get sight of her. She seemed to know how to be ignored, but instead of looking scared or nervous, her deep brown eyes were curious, studying the others. As if sensing his looking, she turned her head fully to look in his direction, pushing her glasses back up her nose. Her eyes weren’t quite on him, but he felt watched anyways. Kevin felt it go on too long, her stare piercing him, as if she knew something about him that he hadn’t figured out yet. He turned away quickly and went over to Jack, shaking his hand.

“Jack - I trust you had a productive week?” Kevin queried, arms folded as if this were a business formality.

To Kevin, it was. Being here was a privilege, being chosen by Kevin himself even moreso. He was going to demand more of him than he had of Neil. He gave Jack a strict gym regime to follow, in order to be ready for what was to come.

Andrew now stood at Kevin’s side, not having bothered to introduce himself. Jack glanced at Andrew with a raised eyebrow before turning back to Kevin.

“It was fine. Boring because Coach wouldn’t let us meet any of you. I was stuck with that weird bitch all week.” He said with a nod at the girl with the glasses, Andrew and Kevin turning to look at her.

She was still standing silently with Wymack, keeping outside of the current social buzzing. How Nicky hadn’t latched onto it yet, trying to pry every bit of information out of her, Kevin didn’t know. He was currently distracted in rambling to the overwhelmed pair of newbies that weren’t saying a word.

Andrew narrowed his eyes as he studied the girl, before turning back to Jack, boredom plastering his face. Kevin’s lip twitched at Jack phasing over his questioning. But his curiosity won him over. ”What do you mean by that?”

Kevin didn’t like the sounds of it – if she was already pushing herself to the outside of the team, how was she expected to work with everyone on a court?
Jack rolled his eyes and shook his head, arms folded across his chest.

“She introduced herself the first day and from then on, said one-word answers to everything and hardly interacted with me. She can’t hold a conversation. I caught her watching me a few times too. I think she has something mental going on – real weirdo.” Jack drew circles beside his temple. He then turned his attention to Allison who walked over to them, his eyes widening and razing over her short dress and body, before turning on a charming demeanour and introducing himself.

When Kevin turned to ask Andrew his thoughts, he flinched in realisation that the girl with glasses had approached them in silence. Coach watched like a hawk, sensing Andrew would do as Andrew usually did with new people, and Kevin furrowed his brows in confusion. She was taller up close than Kevin thought, probably the same height as Nicky, and one of the tallest female players he had seen in a while. She had long, almost black hair that dangled in a plait below her waist, tawny brown skin and eyes so dark Kevin could see the reflection of Andrew in them – behind those round, gold rimmed glasses. She glanced studiously between Kevin and Andrew, and Kevin couldn’t make anything of her expression. Andrew stared back in silence, and Kevin knew he was playing his staring game, seeing who chickened out first. She either didn’t know or didn’t care, turning and nodding a bit at Wymack, who watched on cautiously, and to Kevin’s surprise, uncertainly.
Kevin narrowed his eyes at Coach, making a mental note to ask him about this later, but snapped his eyes back to the girl when she spoke, a reserved smile flickering across her lips.

“Amira Choundury. It’s nice to meet you.”

Her voice was a shock to the system. He was used to the rowdiness and competitive loudness of the foxes, whereas hers was quiet, oddly polite. It could be mistaken for being similar to Renee, but Renee’s quiet tones came with a sense of self assuredness and sternness. Hers however, was careful, curious. He suddenly envisioned she had feelers sprouting out of her skull, twitching at the situation around her. What surprised Kevin more than that was that she was directly addressing Andrew, and only Andrew. It was as if Kevin wasn’t even there. Which was odd, considering the usual star-struck, open mouthed staring he received upon meeting new people. He didn’t miss the way Robin and the others momentarily gawked at him when they caught sight of him entering. It caught him off guard that Amira was so indifferent, which Andrew noticed with a smirk.

“Interesting, that Coach didn’t let them see your files. And not even a glance at the person beside me. Do you have as little regard for him as I do?”

Her timid smile grew a little bigger, dimples appearing as she did so, and she finally looked over at Kevin. “It’s not lack of regard. You interest me more than he does.”

Andrew raised a brow as he looked between her and Kevin. Kevin felt warm irritation bubbling inside him, though he knew it was unreasonable. He bit his tongue, and simply stared back at her. Andrew raised a hand, thumb jutting out and shaking it at Amira, sending Neil a bemused look before turning his attention back to her.

“You really did bring me some interesting new toys, Coach.”

Wymack rolled his eyes, pointing a stern finger. “Don’t start Andrew. It’s been 10 minutes. I don’t need your psychotic ass scaring them off.”

Andrew flicked a hand to expel his worry. “How long they last is on them, not me.”

Kevin side eyed Andrew at that comment, sticking a hand out to Amira to stave off the awkward silence that ensued.

“Kevin Day.” He asked, his hand waiting in the air. He didn’t think saying more than that would amass anything useful about her, so he waited for her handshake. That was always more telling, anyways.
She looked at it for a moment before reaching her own hand out, gripping it gently before letting go. Her movements seemed calculated, carefully measuring every interaction she was having. Kevin wasn’t sure what she was garnering from it, but it was nonetheless odd.

“I know.” She looked him up and down, which made Kevin glance down to check his clothes weren’t inside out. She then slid her attention back to Andrew. “You’re a brilliant goalie. Your US Court campaign is very interesting. I’m excited to play with you.”

The warm genuinity made Kevin’s mouth fall open a little. No one paid much attention to Andrew when he wasn’t being a violent neanderthal, let alone with his exy. Kevin knew Andrew was a great goal keeper when he put in his minimal 5% of effort, but not many other people put it to him. Kevin watched on incredulously, but didn’t miss the slight twitch Andrew gave at her words.

“I’m campaigning to play US Court, am I? First I’m hearing of it.” He cocked his brows, insinuating she was loopy. Her eyes roved over every bit of Andrew, and seemed to stop on his arm bands. He immediately caught on, looking down at his own arms then back up at her with narrow eyes.

She said nothing about it, and Kevin felt his patience thinning. He definitely needed to ask Coach about this later. Why had he not known about her file? He was no closer to understanding what her use to the team was going to be, so he cut in before Andrew could.

“What position do you play?”

It came out more curt than he intended, but she didn’t seem phased. She only turned her attention from Andrew’s arms to his face. She seemed to be looking everywhere except his eyes, but a tiny, playful smile lit up her face. “If you’re as good as everyone makes you out to be, I’m sure you can guess.”

Kevin cocked a brow incredulously, huffing a little through his nose. Andrew’s smile became more toothy the more frustrated Kevin became. He studied Amira head to toe; she was tall, which was good for a backline, as well as long, muscular legs. Her arms were defined and strong. Good for the precise and powerful throws of a striker. She didn’t seem able to sit still for long, so goalie was unlikely. It was her eyes that sold it for him, the way they watched the room as if she were at a bird’s eye view, trying to keep an eye on everyone all at once.

“Dealer.”

She smiled even bigger, tilting her chin down in approval. “I play offense or defence, depending on the needs of the match.”

“You can’t do both and be equally good at them. It’s either one or the other, you’re going to have to choose if you play Class 1.” Kevin said, affronted by her blasé tone.

Amira raised her eyebrows at him, as if her reasoning was obvious.

“I grew up in Miami, then Jacksonville. There weren't enough interested kids to cover every position, play every game. You had to be flexible. Most people were focussing on getting out of town, not hitting a ball with sticks for hours every week.” She accounted this without defensiveness, just flat factuality. Kevin knew his black & white views on exy were difficult to swallow. He rarely had anyone defend or reason themselves against him. Before Kevin could reply that her background was no excuse for poor planning on the logistics of joining a Class I team, Andrew cut her off.

“Ah Kevin, she’s made you look so unintelligent. This will be a mighty fun year.”

Andrew smirked at Kevin’s sour face and walked off to Neil & Renee. Kevin huffed at Andrew’s statement and turned back to her with a shake of his head.

“He’s not what you’ll expect him to be. You should lower your expectations”

Kevin tone hardened, wanting to gage Amira’s reaction to that abrasive truth. Amira simply nodded, tilting her head to the side, appearing unphased.

“I don’t doubt that. It’s what I signed up for after all.”

She said this quietly, a civil yet undercut comment. Kevin knew Coach had warned all the new players what they were signing up for. As to what made each of them agree was beyond him. She was definitely the oddity that Jack made her out to be, but there was simply something else to it. He tucked the knowledge away for later, both of them turning their heads as Wymack called the Foxes to attention, Abby now at his side.

“Listen up Foxes. Hope you had a good summer - because there is a world of shit coming our way this year. With everything that happened with the Ravens last year - even a restructure is not going to stop them from vengeance. I’m sorry to our new players being dragged into the aftermath of this, but also, I did warn you all before you had fully signed on.”
“We have 6 new players because the ERC said if I didn’t get higher numbers, despite last year’s win, we would be at risk of being booted from Class I. So here we are, with 6 new Foxes.”

Wymack looked around at all of them studiously before continuing on.

“With that, old Foxes, meet your new Foxes. This is Jack Hinchwell, from Houston, Texas, and he’ll be one of our new strikers. Joining him as a striker is Sheena Baros, from Memphis, Tennessee. Next up is Robin Cross from Newark, New Jersey, joining on as goalkeeper. From Atlanta, Georgia, we have Itzel Cordoba-Cruz as backliner and Aubrey Carter as dealer. Last but not least, Amira Choundury, also taking on dealer, hailing from Florida.”

“Now listen to me when I say this - if ANY of you – “ Wymack glared at Andrew in particular - “ – attempt to try any sort of initiation ritual similar to the previous years, you and anyone associated will not be playing on my line up. And I mean it. Come up with a new one if you must, but if you drug or hurt the new recruits before the season has begun, I will wring your necks.”

It came out aggressive, but everyone said an immediate ‘Yes Coach’, with Andrew smiling at Wymack, who frowned back irritatedly.

“Now with the amount of eyes turned on this team from our defeat of the Ravens last year – “ this was met with cheers from the Foxes, including Jack who grinned amusedly – “I am implementing a buddy system for the new players. This is to benefit them with guidance at Palmetto, but also make sure they don’t run their mouths as badly as our ever so charming Neil managed to last season.”

Wymack glanced at Neil pointed, who smiled sheepishly and shrugged, leaning into Andrew on the couch with folded arms.

“As you lot already know, I got early access to the timetables and had you all sort out your classes for me before they went live with it for the rest of Palmetto’s students. Based on timetable similarities, I have matched up the following - Nicky, you’re with Sheena, Matt, you’ve got Jack, Renee you’ll take Robin, Kevin, you have Amira, Dan you’re with Itzel and Aaron, you have Aubrey. No arguments.”

Wymack quickly added that last part as Nicky started to complain. Kevin would have argued too, wishing he had been consulted on the babysitting duty, but Coach pushed on.

“This team needs to have some semblance of at least looking out for each other, despite how starkly different you all are. I am not having new Foxes be the main target of the lovely slanderous campaigns that are going to come our way after what happened at the end of last season. The rooms have been sorted as well. Renee, Sheena and Itzel, you three will be together. Dan, Allison, Robin – you three will share. Matt, Aaron, Jack and Aubrey will be in a room and Andrew, Kevin, Nicky and Neil will be together as sorted at the end of last season. Amira will be living in Abby’s for now.”

Wymack added the final part quicker than the rest, glazing smoothly into speaking about their school paperwork and expectations for the year. Everyone noticed that quick skip of the fact, and all eyes turned on Amira immediately. Amira didn’t say a word, and didn’t acknowledge everyone’s staring either. She kept her eyes trained on Wymack intently, clearly uninterested in everyone’s prying eyes.

Kevin only zoned back in when he heard Coach assigning jersey numbers to the new recruits.

“Robin, you’ll be number 11, Jack you’ll be 12, Sheena on 13, Amira with 14, Aubrey with 15 and Itzel has 16. Any questions?”

Jack perked up at this, arms folded and a smirk on his face.

“Coach? I much prefer the number 6, which I know is free for grabs. I think I'll take that instead of 12, if you don’t mind.”

All the new players but Amira looked confused at this statement. Amira raised her eyebrows in surprise, whereas the rest of the Foxes looked alert, on edge. The veins in Allison’s neck twitched and she was suddenly standing, ready to throw the nearest object at Jack for even daring to ask for Seth’s number. Renee, sitting beside Allison, stood quickly to intervene but was too slow. Allison took off her stiletto and pegged it at Jack’s head, missing by inches, causing him to duck and roar with laughter. Even Sheena seemed amused and keen for a fight. Dan frowned deeply but stood to attention, looking irritated at the sudden interruption of their somewhat peaceful coexistence.

“We have been together for all of 20 minutes - please do not start shit now!”

Allison seemed to try to move from Renee’s grip, Jack still laughing and picking up Allison’s shoe, dangling it tauntingly in the air.

“Very sensitive about that still are we? Surely it’s fair to honour a better and more suitable candidate to that jersey number, no?”

A cruel smile smeared across Jack’s lips, and Allison then reached for her second shoe. Although Kevin had no love or appreciation for Seth, he knew that he had mattered to the rest of the team in one way or another. Dan snatched Allison’s shoe back from Jack with a glowering stare, as Allison screamed insults at him. Jack opened his mouth to speak again, but this time it was Amira, still hiding in the outskirts of them all, who spoke up, causing every head to turn towards her.

“Jack, it’s awfully impolite of you disturb the dead in their rest. I suspect you won’t fair so well in an actual fight against people who have fought others far more impressive and deadly than you ever have or ever will be. Shutting your mouth would be the best move right now. If you were smart. Which apparently you are so eager in proving not to be.”

Amira stared past Jack, pushing her glasses a little more up her nose. The wall seemed to be the most interesting thing she had seen all day. Nicky was eyeing the pair back and forth, awaiting an explosion and Aaron cocked a brow at Kevin, then back at their new players. Kevin watched on curiously, coming to the conclusion that Jack had maybe revealed too much of himself during their isolated week at Abby’s for him to get so easily triggered. Allowing Amira to politely insult him without a reaction did not seem to be a part of Jack’s to-do list, however. He took a few steps toward Amira, face bright red.

“Listen here you bitch – ”

Wymack suddenly stepped in front of Jack, eyes hard. Wymack rarely stepped into the ring that was the Foxes’ constant infighting. For him to do it with a brand new player was enough to have the Foxes gaping.

“That is enough. No, you cannot have 6, it was Seth’s then and it will stay Seth’s now. End of story. Foxes, get out of here before I make you all regret this at Monday’s training and push our start times to 4am. Kevin, Dan, Neil, with me. Rest of you, out.”

That made them all get up and leave as quickly as possible, Jack huffing and glaring at Amria as he grabbed his bags and stormed off. Kevin was getting the sense that 6 new recruits in one go was going to be a hellish amount of work for them all.

Coach waited until the lounge was empty, leaning against the entertainment unit with folded arms. Dan burst forth first, cutting Kevin off.

“Where’d you find her Coach? She definitely wasn’t in your files. Was that on purpose?”

Wymack tapped his fingers on his arms before picking up a file beside him. “No. Her recordings fell into my lap fairly late. I got them in June.”

Kevin frowned deeply at the fact that Wymack had kept this from him all summer, and looked away stubbornly at Wymack’s unconvincing apologetic glance. He looked at the paperwork before sliding it across to Dan. She flicked through it as Coach bulled on. “It was sent to me from Florida State Seminoles as a joke. They recruited her for their Class I team, but when they dug into her background, they wanted nothing to do with her. They swiped back the contract before she could sign. But they’ll live to regret it on the court this season.”

Neil frowned deeply, leaning against Dan to look at the file before peering over at Wymack. “What did she say when you showed up?”

Wymack cocked his brows, smacking his lips. “She didn’t believe me, thought it was a joke. I advised her I wouldn’t bother spending 9 hours driving to and from Jacksonville if she wasn’t worth it. She clocked it pretty quick then.”

“Why didn’t you bring Kevin along?” Dan didn’t bother looking up from the file, but Kevin had the exact same question. Wymack eyed Kevin thoughtfully before going on.

“I wasn’t sure how she would take it. Her and Robin have complex backgrounds. I didn’t want to risk triggering a negative reaction.”

Kevin didn’t quite appreciate that explanation, arms tight across his chest. “You think I would jeopardise someone you wanted to recruit?”

“No. I was more concerned she would retreat into herself if she saw you.”

Kevin knew he wasn’t getting much else out of him. He held out a hand impatiently, and Dan rolled her eyes, sliding it over. He opened it, eyeing her stats. She looked so far removed from herself in her school photo, Kevin might have thought her a ghost. She had been playing since middle school and came from a baseball background. She was 22, took a gap year out of high school, and joined her university’s team when she started again. History major, interesting. No one ever majored in that. Everything exy wise was above average, but not particularly special, much to Kevin’s disappointment. Nothing jumped out at him about it, and Wymack knew what he was thinking.

“Watch. Who does it remind you of?”

He grabbed his remote and had clearly prepared for this reaction. He flicked on the TV, where he had a recording of Amira doing drills with FSU. It was dated March this year. Kevin couldn’t imagine being told he would be signed to a Class I team, just to have the rugged ripped out from beneath her at the last second. He understood now what Amira had said about flexibility – she wasn’t just mitigating on mid-court, she was there when offence needed an additional racquet to rebound to, there to help out-manoeuvre with defence as required. He noticed she wasn’t body checking at all. Kevin thought that quite odd. He knew that wouldn’t hold up on a Class I court. That needed to be trained out of her, and fast. Wymack let them watch for a little longer before turning back to his Foxes expectantly.

“She’s got – I don’t know the word…” Dan waved her arms around, but it was Neil who put it simply.

“Tenacity.” They all cut a look to him then, and familiarity was a haunting mirror for Neil’s own reflection. Wymack nodded slowly, taking back the folder from Kevin.

“She’s got problems, like the rest of you. She’s already seeing Bee, and I don’t know when she will be ready to talk about it. This lot of recruits are… from all ends of the spectrum. I expect you 3 to integrate them. You need to be on their side. Most of them aren’t used to it.”

Dan nodded grimly, and Wymack dismissed them shortly after. They had their work cut out for them, and Kevin lingered long behind the others, pulling out his flask and taking another swig of vodka. It was going to be a long year.

Chapter Text

With 2 weeks before the start of semester, Coach Wymack had laid out a gruesome, intense training schedule for the Foxes.

Kevin was always fond of the period before a season started up again. It was time to get back into rhythms that had relaxed over sweet summers and seeing teammates energised for a new year of play. To knead the dough of their unrisen, unactivated muscles. The only thing Kevin was not fond of was Wymack deciding a 5am start for their morning sessions was a good idea.

Wymack had asked Dan, Kevin and Neil over to Abby’s to discuss the training schedule in depth the day after meeting the new Foxes, as well as the upcoming events the ERC had planned for the year. Coach had claimed his apartment was getting culled by Abby, whatever that meant.

Neil waited at Andrew’s car for them on Saturday around lunch time, Kevin arriving last and slowly climbing in the passenger seat, where Dan was already sat in the back. Even she seemed to know Kevin almost always rode shotgun.

“You know, this is the first time I have ever been in Andrew’s car – I feel about ready to be planted into the ground compared to Matt’s truck.”

Neil smiled somewhat amusedly at Dan’s comment, turning on the engine and starting the drive over to Abby’s place, Dan scooting forward to lean between the two boys in the front, glancing between them before speaking again.

“I think this year will be the year for us. Not that last year wasn’t but – I just mean in the sense that maybe… We’ll really have some proper unity amongst us?”

She said it with a twinge of her endless hopefulness that drove Kevin insane. He only admired that attitude from her when the Foxes were at the top of the leaderboard, otherwise it was unbearable.

“We’ve just thrown 6 unknowns into the mix, and have no current clue how they are going to achieve playing on my level of skill.” Dan cut Kevin a quick glare at that, nudging him to correction, in which he rolled his eyes and groaned.

“Fine. Our level.” The collective reference to the team seemed to set Dan away from going on a tangent about Kevin being as self-absorbed as a sponge.

“We’ve dealt with worse Kevin. I think we are in a transitional phase – redefining what it means to be an exy player, to play exy. No other team has had such high risks. And before you say it, no, Edgar Allen doesn’t count, because they force the circumstances of high risk.” Dan noted this sternly, Neil shrugging in agreement.

Usually, Kevin would argue all day about Edgar Allen’s methodologies, but he sensed it would cause a disagreement that would result in a 2 against 1 on him.

“She’s got a point Kevin. Whatever energy you had for me last year, that push, determination, hunger for the game – these people share it too. It might be less aggressive than how we show it, but sharing it with them will help all of us.”

Neil made a good point, but Kevin simply rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“They’re only as good as they prove to be. They need to be broken in. Whatever Coach has lined up, us three need to push them twice as hard. I won’t have any less than that on this team, otherwise I’ve wasted the last year of my life on a pointless venture.”

Dan whacked Kevin’s arm at that and leaned back, but a pursed smile grew on her lips.

“Admit it Kevin, this so-called ‘pointless venture’ of yours is the best thing that’s happened to you. You love us, all of us. Deep down. I can sense it. At least more than you like early mornings.”

Dan smirked and Neil snorted, Kevin glaring back at Dan as Neil pulled the car up outside Abby’s place.

“You lot are only a smidge more tolerable than being up before the sun – and that is not a compliment.” His clipped tone made Dan chuckle as they stepped out of Andrew’s car.

Wymack’s car was pulled up in the driveway, as was Abby’s, but a third car parked on the street pulled Neil’s attention, even Dan’s eyes widening at it. It was black, vintage looking thing with a sporty air about it. Kevin didn’t care much about cars, but he knew this was some sort of Mustang.

“Holy shit - Matt loves these things, I think.” She said with a smile as she looked over it, glancing at Neil who shrugged.

“Andrew does too. Take a picture, text it to them and ask. And no I’m not using my phone for this.” Neil rolled his eyes as Dan went to argue about Neil doing it himself.

Kevin watched Dan take her photo on her phone then grabbed them both by their sleeves and dragged them up to Abby’s front door. Something fragrant was floating in the air as they got closer - garlic, ginger, chilli - tomatoes? It smelled amazing. Kevin hadn’t eaten this today. His morning appetite had lessened over summer since he took to drinking vodka before brushing his teeth.

Neil knocked, and Abby came to the door, opening it up for them with a warm smile. She stood in a long skirt and a Palmetto State t-shirt, her laptop in her hand and waved them in.

“He’s working in the lounge room, it’s all yours until you’re done.”

She nodded and moved away, Dan moaning as her stomach grumbled at the smell of cooking food. She tried to float toward the kitchen, as did Neil, but Kevin shoved them in the direction of where Wymack was. He was set up in the lounge room, sitting on the floor with a laptop and papers scattered everywhere, a tape put in on the TV showing Sheena at what Kevin assumed was one of her local games.
Wymack looked up briefly, grunted at them and waved them in to sit down. He looked tired, drained, which Kevin was used to seeing him like during the season. But the season hadn’t even started yet. So what was up with him? Neil, Dan and Kevin sat together on the one couch, Coach opening his mouth to speak before a knock on the wall interrupted them.

Amira stood there in a similar outfit to yesterday – oversized t-shirt, baggy knee length jean shorts and sneakers. She had her hair out today, and it waterfalled around her, dangling loosely at her waist. She had a bandana in to keep her hair back, her wide rimmed glasses slightly fogged up.

‘Sorry to interrupt Coach – hi all.” A reserved smile spread across her lips as she moved forward, holding out a hand to Dan & Neil. “I didn’t really get to speak to either of you yesterday, apologies for that. I’m Amira, nice to meet you both.”

Her sincerity was an itch on Kevin’s back. What sort of Fox spoke like this? Or anyone their age, for that fact. Dan looked on happily, and stood to shake her hand, as did Neil. She stood back with hands on her hips, looking at them all when Dan piped up.

“We’re happy to have you – how are you feeling about everything so far?”

Amira pondered, fiddling with the ends of her long hair. “I’ve never been out of Florida before this summer. It’s nice escaping the humidity. Abby’s been a lovely host, I can only hope I’ve been a tolerable roommate.”

Abby popped her head into the lounge room at her name, a soft smile on her face. “Back in college I had a roommate that used to leave dirty dishes on the floor all over the house. We used to get ants all the time. You’re doing great.”

Amira looked a little flushed, and nodded thankfully. Neil looked between them curiously and his lack of tact came to the forefront yet again. “Why are you staying here?”

Kevin watched the clogs spinning in Amira’s brain and she averted her eyes to Wymack. “Logistics for my therapy with Dobson. Anyways, I thought maybe before you dug in with your stuff Coach, that you guys might want lunch? I always seem to make too much. I made palak paneer and roti if you guys are interested?”

Kevin frowned at the diversion, but as if on queue, Dan’s stomach grumbled, and she clutched it, nodding excitedly.

“Sorry Coach, duty calls. We got the rest of the day for this anyway. Plus, the food smells really good.” She pouted at Wymack, whose stomach also grumbled. He frowned as if he were about to argue with his own body for agreeing without his brain doing so first.

“Fine. Only because Abby hasn’t stopped harping on about your cooking Amira. Up Foxes, go eat. I’ll join in a second.”

Dan fist pumped the air, rushing to Abby’s dining table, Kevin rolling his eyes at the wasted time and trudging in behind Neil and Amira to the table. A large pot sat in the middle, as well as a plate of piled high roti’s, rice, and a plate of what appeared to be balls of fried onion, surrounded by colourful chutneys. Kevin raised an eyebrow as he watched Dan not even waiting for everyone to sit before starting to serve food on everyone's plates. Abby smacked her hand and told her to wait until they were at least seated. Neil settled beside Dan, eyeing the food curiously, leaving Kevin to sit next to Amira. He glanced at her sideways, watching the way her hair floated around her. How did she handle having that much? He moved his attention to her as she spoke up.

“So, not sure how familiar you guys are with Indian food. The lack of Indian restaurants or grocers around here is alarming – ” she said this with a bit of a laugh but started pointing at the different food on the table – “so we have palak paneer, which is basically spinach curry with cubed cheese - then obviously rice & roti, and I also made some bhajis which are little fried onion balls. Eat those with the chutneys. There is mango, coconut, mint and tomato. Um – anyways, eat as much as you want. Enjoy.”

Dan nodded keenly, muttering a thank you as Abby finally gave the go ahead to dig in. Neil reached out and began to pile food onto his plate, as if realising how hungry he was as well. Kevin watched the others load up before starting to put food on his own. It was a cuisine he wasn’t experienced with, but food was fuel, and Kevin would never deny anything that smelled so good. His eyes flicked to Amira every now and again as he ate, as whilst he inexperiencedly used a fork, she ate naturally with her fingers, scooping up the food, plopping it gently in her mouth.

“I always try to eat with my hands when I have curry, but I make the worst mess of myself every time.” Dan moaned through a mouthful of food, looking as though she had descended beyond their current earthly plain. Amira chuckled at Dan, looking a little more confident between bites of food. Dan had that effect on people.

“I guess when you grow up with it, it comes naturally. It definitely takes learning. Here – watch this.”

Amira set her three middle fingers together, like a little scoop, and used her thumb to gently gather her food, smoothing it down in her fingers with her thumb before bringing it to her mouth. Neil watched like a child viewing a new television show. Kevin figured he didn’t have much time for exciting food with a childhood on the run, and Kevin’s diet in the Nest was strictly controlled and primarily Japanese based, thanks to the Moriyamas. Kevin still ate fairly similar to his old food regime. Out of comfort or routine, he wasn’t sure. He hoped not the former. As Kevin slowly ate his first bite of food, he realised he may need to change his eating habits.

The food was incredible – spiced, but sweet and cheesy. A wonderful mix of savoury and salty. Amira seemed to cater the spice levels to their inexperience, but it was still a bit hot nonetheless. Neil seemed to be enjoying himself too, popping one bhaji after the other in his mouth, mixing and matching the chutneys experimentally. Everyone stayed fairly quiet, inhaling the food, and barely realising that Wymack had joined them. He was also stunned to silence by the meal, and seemed to visibly relax with a stomach full of food.

“I can’t believe I let you stay at Abby’s – I should have offered you a place at mine. That was a great lunch, thanks Amira.” Wymack said with a nod, Amira flushing a little and standing to wash her hands before coming back to clear plates. Kevin stood, reaching out a hand absentmindedly to take the plates from Amira.

“You cooked.” He balanced the plates in his arm, eyes locked on hers. She averted his gaze silently and let him take them, and Neil assisted to clear the table before helping Kevin clean the kitchen. Neil stood at the sink, washing dishes with a distracted look on his face.

“Have I really been missing out on food as good as this for years?” Neil queried, Kevin exhaling slowly through his nose as he dried the wet plates.

“You have a lot of catching up to do and a lot of time to do it. As long as exy still comes first.” His sternness had Neil rolling his eyes, but not expecting any less.

Dan and Amira came in then, Amira pulling out a plate of brown, cubed treats. With Dan’s still messy fingers from attempting to eat with her hands, Amira held one of the treats to her mouth and put it in, both girls laughing as Dan nearly dropped it out of her mouth, with her moaning again at the taste.

“I think I might have to break up with Matt and marry you if you cook like this all the time. What is this?” Dan asked after swallowing, smiling dreamily.

“It’s barfi - a little milky and nutty dessert. You guys want one?” Amira turned to the boys, Neil nodding quickly, Kevin shrugging and nodding as well. She walked over, holding a hand under Neil’s chin and nodded for him to open his mouth. Kevin raised an eyebrow at the casual nature of her actions, how comfortable she was acting like this with people she didn’t know. Neil looked a little weirded out, but he slowly opened his mouth and let Amira drop the desert in. He closed his eyes, still washing a plate as he slowly ate it, nodding as if to say it’s great. Amira moved next to Kevin, leaning against the bench and staring at him intently.

“Do you know how many calories are in that?” He asked curiously, to which she shrugged and shook her head.

“Do you know how to have fun?” It was a gentle challenge, causing Dan and Neil both to snort at the same time. Kevin flicked soapy water at Neil in irritation, and opened his mouth for her.

Amira waited for Kevin to nod, lifting a hand to hover beneath his chin, placing a barfi in his mouth. Kevin’s eyes didn’t leave hers as she put the dessert in gently on his tongue, but she refused to look back. Instead, he realised she was staring at his tattoo. He caught her hand twitching out of the corner of his eye as if to touch it, but she swiftly moved away and went back to her plate, leaving the kitchen. Kevin started to chew, eyes locked on her as she left. He swallowed it, and frowned at the fact that it was undeniably good.

After another 10 minutes, Dan, Neil and Kevin finally went back to the lounge room, where Wymack was waiting, another recording up on the TV. This time, Amira playing. It was one of the worst exy courts Kevin had ever seen. The plexiglass looked too thin, the equipment looked ancient and the stands were faded and derelict.

“I can see why you chose her Coach.” Neil stated, watching the screen curiously as Amira ran around. This video was older, the entire team seemed to be wearing second-hand gear, and Amira appeared the only girl on the court, for either team. Her passes were accurate, her rebounds even better. She needed more speed and could fix up her foot work, but Kevin reluctantly started to agree with what Wymack saw in her. She seemed to have a different persona altogether on the court. But he couldn’t put a finger on it. After watching her for a few more minutes, he slowly came to see it was similar to how Neil played. Not necessarily determination or passion, although that was not missing. But survival.

“We can keep watching in a bit, I’ll show you all the recruitment recordings I was sent. But... we need to talk about the ERC. I got an email last night about the game & events timetable for the season. It’s intense.” Wymack’s neck strained as he spoke, a slight twitch in his jaw. Neil frowned at his tone, watching him closely, and Dan furrowed her brows concernedly.

None of them said anything, waiting for him to speak. He was contemplating how to go about whatever information he was withholding from them. Kevin’s gut roiled then – he had his arms crossed and could feel his pulse quickening in his arms.
Wymack closed his eyes, slowly willing himself to speak.

“The game timetable is fine – we will obviously have to play the Ravens at some point, that was always inevitable.” He glanced at Kevin and Neil’s reaction to this. Neil sat silently, staring hard at Wymack. Kevin knew Neil was good at hiding his emotions - it’s something Kevin wished he was better at. It made him feel weak, exposed. Coach continued on.

“But they have added some additional events, in the name of ‘relationship building’ between all the Class I athletes, after the events of last year. For starters, they’re adding in 2 charity events, which are yet to be determined regarding location & donations.”
Before starting the next part, Wymack’s voice went a little more stiff, and the anger in his eyes was evident before he even opened his mouth.

“Then this season they’ve decided on having 3 banquets. One pre-season, as usual, but an added one at Christmas, as a more public one for recruitment purposes, and one at the end of season, to celebrate the winning team. Edgar Allen seems to be desperately doing damage control with the issues that unravelled so as a gesture of good will, they have convinced the ERC to host the pre-season ball for all the teams. At Edgar Allen University.”

Wymack spoke the last part slowly, Dan’s eyes widening in horror and she stood immediately, cheekings flushing. Kevin’s arms tightened on the edge of the couch. He stared at Wymack, understood what came out of his mouth – but was it real? Every rageful complaint Dan started to spew became muffled in his ears.

“Coach there is no way – no fucking way! Which moron at the ERC thought it would be a good idea?! They have no stake on Kevin or Neil anymore – Ichirou made sure of that.”

Kevin couldn’t help the full body flinch at hearing that name. His head moved on it’s own accord, bowing a little with eyes averted to the floor. Dan cracked on.

“What are they playing at? Surely they aren’t so deluded as to think they can have any influence over them anymore. Is it part of their stupid mind games? Or some sick control they want to keep on Kevin, on Neil! We can’t do that to them!” She yelled loud enough for neighbours to hear, as if they weren’t all in the same room. Her hands were fisted at her sides, and Kevin stared at them as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

“Dan – Dan. I know. I have been back and forth with the ERC for the last 24 hours on this. They said our refusal to attend will show a lack of sportsmanship, lack of willingness to ‘heal the past’, as they said. I have begged them with everything I have to have it anywhere else – I said I would pay for the damn thing myself if I had to. But they won’t bite. They said it’s already organised.” Disgust was laced through Wymack’s voice, but his eyes were primarily on the boys.

Neil hadn’t said anything, but the veins on his arms popped out, and after a short moment, he laughed. Harder than was necessary, whether to hide immense panic or terrifying calm, Kevin couldn’t tell.

“They can have us, Coach. We’re going to do what we’ve been asked – I’ve made sure of it, but I suspect this is the work of the leftover Ravens from last year. If they want mind games, they can have it.” Neil asserted, his eyes steel as he pushed his hair off his face.

Wymack had started to argue back with Neil that they did not need a public fight at the event, Kevin had tuned out their conversation entirely upon the ongoing processing of the information he was hearing.

Everything that made him a breathing, functioning human plummeted from his chest to his stomach. He was going back.

Going back to Edgar Allen. Again.

Going back for their final game last season was hard enough. Kevin had walked in with cocksure confidence, a new tattoo and a determination to wipe them all out. But the past summer of overthinking, memories piled atop him so heavy he drowned in his own head, had scrambled Kevin’s brain. He was barely holding on by a thread anymore.

Sometimes he thought he inevitably would end up back in the Nest. The invisible string tangled between his soul and the Ravens was still ever present, especially in his unconscious hours. Would he ever escape from them?

Dan and Neil kept arguing with Coach, but it was all dim compared to the ringing now in Kevin’s ears. He couldn’t focus his eyes, everything around him seemed blurry. He hadn’t realised he was standing now – his body in auto-pilot. Coach stood at the same time Kevin did. Neil reached for him, but he had lurched out of reach.

Kevin’s breaths heaved in his chest, and his attempt to swallow them back into himself failed. Each one felt like a desperate clutch for oxygen. He distinctly felt his shoulders brush against someone – maybe Abby? – as he stumbled upstairs. Bathroom, where was the bathroom?

He felt his way along the hallway, tripping slightly on the last step. When he looked down at his own feet, they seemed so much further away than usual. He looked around, at the plain walls and photographs of Abby’s family. Where was the bathroom? Why couldn’t he find it – he knew this house inside out, why couldn’t he find the fucking bathroom?

He felt his skin crawling, a reverberating drum cymbal. Why was the air so thick? Kevin’s hand slammed into a wall as he stumbled along it to keep balance. He pushed open a door he thought was the bathroom, stepping in and collapsing to his knees. He reached out on the carpet, gripping at the fibres desperately. His legs – he didn’t remember them taking his legs? Toilet – was he going to be sick? Why was there carpet in the bathroom? He hated how it felt under his nails. He used to get his nails ripped off as punishment from Riko. It affected the strength in which he held a racquet. He eventually learnt how to though. This was at least better than that.

He couldn’t move – he crushed a palm into his chest, repeatedly slamming his hand against himself, trying to push the air in and out manually. He didn’t think you could breathe manually, but he was desperately trying.

There was suddenly a shadow standing over him. It stretched dark and long, making noises that dribbled down his ear canal. None of it made sense.
How was he here? How was Riko here to punish him again?

Kevin closed his eyes, grunting with the effort to just figure out how to breathe. His body rattled with the effort, and suddenly a hand gripped his wrist, preventing him from slamming his own chest again. He still couldn’t see properly, everything was blurred, but felt himself being moved. Where was he going? Was Riko dragging him to their room? What would it be this time – a belt to the back, a racquet slammed into the thighs, fists in the ribs, feet to the stomach, teeth to the bits of skin that could be hidden beneath clothes, uniforms.

Kevin blinked, the pulling hand warm and gentle in grip, but powerful in strength as it moved him into a bluer room. Blue. The bathroom was blue. Had he made it? Was this where Riko’s punishment would be this time?

Riko wasn’t gentle - Riko wouldn’t know the word if it was in the back of his eyelids. Kevin blanched, his breaths ever more ragged, before suddenly, everything became frozen.

Kevin gasped, as freezing water rained down over his head, cascading fully over his body, shocking him to stillness. He felt water running on his skin, his eyes, into his mouth, streaming down each finger, soaking him to the bone. He let it wash over him, eyes closed, body stilling, chest slowing down from his overheating heart. His thoughts slowed as well – cold – it was so cold.

He finally managed to open his eyes after a few minutes of stillness, flinching at the sight in front of him. Kevin saw he was in the shower, fully clothed with the cold tap on full blast. Amira stood in front of him, her hand still on his wrist to keep him steady, her own arm dripping with water that fell from him. It was her that had dragged him in here. He blinked, staring at her without a word. She had a slight frown on her face, staring at the tap as if it was a wonderful conversationalist. She had an eye contact issue. But she nodded slowly as she felt his gaze, her grip on him a life saving hand on a crumbling, breaking ledge.

Coach, Abby, Neil and Dan stood in the bathroom behind her, staring wide eyed. Abby held a towel, her expression hard in keeping it together. Dan looked away, and Neil simply stared at Kevin. Wymack cleared his throat, gently taking the towel from Abby and asked her, Neil and Dan to leave. They obeyed, Abby closing the door on the way out. Wymack reached forward to slowly turn the water off. Kevin was soaked - he felt heavy and grounded, stuck to the spot, feeling as though moving from where he was might make him collapse.

Amira seemed to sense his sagging, and her grip on his arm tightened ever so slightly. Slowly, she pulled Kevin out of the shower and next to Coach, who handed Kevin the towel.

Kevin’s trembling fingers took it, Amira finally letting go of him, her hand hovering near his arm in case his legs gave out. Kevin stared at the floor, wrapping the towel around himself, now unable to meet anyone’s eyes.

Amira glanced at Coach, nodded silently and left the room without a word. Coach waited until she was gone and the door was closed, before turning back to Kevin. He seemed to be contemplating how to approach this situation – not as a coach and his player, but as father and son.

Wymack eased out a calloused hand, pushing Kevin’s hair gently off his wet face, so he could see his eyes. Wymack very rarely touched any of his Foxes. The last time he had was when they won last year – he hugged every single one of them. Even Andrew had let him pat his shoulder.

The care in Wymack’s touch now brought forth a longing in Kevin’s throat, so hot and burning he nearly choked.

Wymack watched him carefully, placing a hand on Kevin’s chin, making him look eye to eye. The fierce protectiveness in Wymack’s leathered, wrinkled face gave Kevin the strength he needed to stand a little straighter. Wymack let his hand drop then, and folded his arms across his chest. His faded flames glistened brightly on his arms from the mess of the shower water.

“You don’t have to go Kevin. I am not making you and neither will the rest of the team. It’s up to you. Same goes for Neil. But knowing him, he’ll be okay, especially with Andrew at his back. Know if you do decide to go, you have an entire team on side. Let me know when you’re ready. It's the Friday before the season begins. Take your time on it okay? I’ll keep pushing back on the ERC, but they’re being impossible.”

Wymack was gruff, but reached out for another towel, handing it to Kevin.

“I’m not sure you’ll survive the night if you get into Andrew’s car sopping wet. I have spare clothes here – in the study. Go change out.”

He left without another word, saving Kevin an ounce of dignity in having privacy to sort out his clothes. He dried himself off as best he could - peeled off his wet shoes, socks and clothes, ensuring to grab his flask and wrapped the towel around his waist. He opened the flask, downing the cold liquid, and his brain immediately slowed down its racing thoughts.
He slowly stepped out, walking toward the study, passing what he assumed was now Amira’s room and realised that this was where he came into when trying to find the bathroom.

How Amira knew to calm him down in the shower, that it would actually work, he was at a loss. He knew he should be grateful, but he felt embarrassed, stupid. He shouldn’t have let himself get like that – not in front of the team. What a weakness he was, that he let his mind cause him so much useless dysfunction. Dan was bound to tell Matt, Neil was bound to tell Andrew and it would make the rounds within the team. He would get a stupid amount of sympathetic looks from Abby, and an extra watchful eye from Wymack.

Kevin froze as Amira looked up at him passing by, stopping the folding of her clothes. She looked away upon realising his lack of clothing, face blank and went back to her laundry, not saying a word. Out of awkwardness or not wishing to speak to Kevin, it was a relief. He continued on down the hallway to the study.

He dug around, finding Coach’s spare clothes and dried himself off, putting them on. He sighed, staring at his hand, rubbing his raised scars over and over again and closing his eyes. He wasn’t going back to the Nest, he reminded himself again and again. It was just one night, and that was okay. He was going to be okay.

Whatever ‘okay’ meant anymore - Kevin wasn’t sure. It seemed to change every week. Sometimes it was just breathing, other days getting out of bed, successfully putting the pieces of his puzzled existence together again and again.

Today, being ‘okay’ was not continuing having a breakdown over going back to Edgar Allen. He slowly reopened his eyes, took another swig from his flask, and tucked it in his pocket.

As he headed downstairs to rejoin Wymack, Dan and Neil in discussing their training strategies, Kevin could only cling to the idea that he would be able to handle going back there.

Because Kevin would be damned if he didn’t attend to show them that he was fine - stronger, better, smarter and more successful than he ever would have been with the Ravens.

Chapter Text

Kevin moaned as Nicky’s alarm went off at 4:30, something heavy thudding against a wall as Andrew awoke suddenly, swearing at Nicky to turn it off.
He grumbled back incessantly that he was trying, really trying, but was moving at a snail’s pace.

“Nicky, fuck man, turn it off.” Kevin muttered, Neil being the one to finally move and grabbing it, smashing the buttons on the phone until it stopped making noises.

Their bickering turned into an argument about shit alarm tones, which made Andrew get up, whack both Neil and Nicky in the gut before heading to the bathroom.

Both boys keeled over in pain, clutching their stomachs, Kevin smiling tiredly with closed eyes.

“You won’t be setting shitty alarms again now will you Nicky.” Smugness cooled Kevin’s sleepy voice, Nicky shaking his head and stumbling to his dresser to get clothes.

“You fucking set the alarm next time then, Kevin. Better get used to being a morning person.” Nicky chided, throwing a pillow to get him up, Kevin grunting as it hit his face.

It took another 10 minutes for Kevin to get out of bed. He couldn’t seem to shake the heavy, rattling weight that seemed to constantly claw in his chest these days. It was a new feeling that had the sharp pangs of his body attacking itself, yet also the familiar reaction he used to have when he endured any one of Riko’s poor moods.

It didn’t help that he would have to face Amira today. The events of the weekend hadn’t left his mind, and he felt bubbling self-hatred at being so uncontrollably weak in front of someone he barely knew.

By the time he forced himself up, the others were ready to leave, at which rate he rushed within the span of 5 minutes. He lingered then at his bedside table, waiting for Nicky to leave the room, before reaching under his mattress.

Kevin stared down at the silver flask in hand, and as if activated by touch alone, Kevin realised his head was pounding. From the early wake up or sips of alcohol before bed, he wasn’t sure.

He quickly found his hidden bottle of the substance amongst his drawer, topped up his flask and shoved it in his bag. Nicky yelled with more than a necessary amount of swear words to hurry up, and Kevin rushed out, following the others out to Andrew’s Maserati, where Aaron was waiting impatiently.

Everyone climbed in, Neil having somehow magically appeared with them. Kevin glanced out the window of the passenger seat, and saw that Matt had all the girls in his truck, and Jack had Sheena, Itzel and Aubrey in his Mitsubishi.

Andrew glanced boredly at their cars before turning his on, and skidding out of the dorm carpark.
With a silent car ride full of half asleep Foxes, Andrew likely included, they finally arrived at the court. The cousins and Kevin waited until Matt and Jack had arrived before peeling themselves out of the car. Dan yawned, pointing at the black Mustang parked in the carpark.

“That car was outside Abby’s on Saturday – the one I sent you the picture of Matt.” She slumped against Matt as he wrapped an arm around her, now wide awake and dragging her excitedly toward the car, Andrew also coming up to stare at it.

“Holy shit, it’s gorgeous. Why the hell is it here?” Matt queried, pressing a finger gently against the roof as if to see if it was actually there. Andrew moved around it interestedly, examining it from all angles, before looking over at Matt.

“It’s Amira’s.” He guessed, Matt gaping and looking even more excited.

“Soooo we get her to take us for a ride then?” Matt grinned at Andrew, Kevin staring at the pair, as no one had never seen the two get along so well.

“If you mean take her keys and take it ourselves, then sure.” Andrew said calmly, shrugging as Dan shook her head in disagreeance, but still wasn’t awake enough to argue.

“Andrew, I’m sure she’d be more than happy to take you for a ride if you just, I don’t know, did the logical and normal step of asking her.” Renee pointed out, hurrying them all along, and leading everyone inside. Andrew patted Renee’s head as if she were stupid.
Wymack and Abby were sitting in chairs respectively, sipping on coffee. Amira walked in from the locker room, freshly showered and looking so awake it was like she had sucked everyone else’s energy. She waved in greeting as the Foxes walked in, moving to the side as they into the respective change rooms to dress.

“I want you all ready for warm ups and out on the court in 5 minutes. Move your asses!” Coach yelled, Allison groaning and covering her ears but waddling along to the change room with the others nonetheless.

Kevin walked past Amira without eye contact, hurrying to his locker to unlock the door and use it to shield another sip of vodka. He closed his eyes at the feeling of it sliding down his throat. The warmth of it spreading through his neck, his stomach, seemed to somewhat sooth the weight on his chest. He sniffled quickly, hiding the flask in his bag and shoving it inside before changing out. He was the first one done, jogging out to the court where Wymack stood, arms folded and Amira at his side silently.

Kevin approached them, unsure what to make of the awkward situation he had now put himself in. He had spent a lot of last night wondering why she had helped him. He hated that it was her of all people – someone he didn’t know, who didn’t know him, and she had just successfully managed to pull him back from the edge like it was nothing. Kevin thought people like that must constantly do it, to know how to handle it. And if that was so, why hadn’t she fallen off yet herself?

Kevin’s eyes darted to the pair of goggles in her hand, the glint of it catching his eye. Kevin raised an eyebrow at them before looking back up to her captiously.

“You might be in the wrong sport if you brought goggles to exy training.” Kevin muttered. Amira smiled, shaking the goggles and putting it on her head. She looked quite ogled with them on, making her eyes look like a bigger, vaster expanse of nothingness. Looking into those endless pits this early was too intense, so he opted to look at her brow instead.

“Unfortunately not - these are prescriptions. I’m allergic to contacts but blind as mice so I got these bad boys.” She tapped the lenses, laughing softly at Kevin’s weirded out expression. That noise was far too cheerful for 5am.

She slid them over her head and nodded to him curiously. “What sport would you play, if you didn’t play this?”

He blinked, and Wymack’s eyes glinted with a hint of amusement at Kevin’s sour expression. Amira waited patiently for an answer, and Kevin rolled his eyes. “Nothing. It’s exy or nothing.”

She considered him carefully, reaching forward and poking his arm. “You’d be good at baseball, I think.”

He stiffened at her touch, raising an eyebrow in disgust. “That game is too still. Not a chance.”

She shrugged at him, passing her racquet back and forth between her hands. “Don’t knock it til you try it.”

Dan stepped up beside Coach with folded arms, relieving Kevin of this odd conversation. She now looked more awake and ready to tackle their training.

Nicky was the last one out, earning a repeated tap on the head from Dan in irritation.

“Nicky, start doing laps - you’ve wasted my talking time, so go get started on running.”

Nicky pouted at the unfairness, but the stern expression on Dan’s face told him he wasn’t going to get away with ignoring her, so he set off to jog.

“Alright Foxes – day 1 and back at it. Our training for the next 2 weeks will go as follows: 6am-9am will be focussed on usual drills, game play tactics. Then 4-6pm will be gym; training and endurance. Monday Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. No exceptions. I expect everyone on time, and no training missed unless Abby says so. Speaking of, medicals first. Would have done it yesterday but Coach wanted you to enjoy your last night of freedom. How kind of him. Nicky shouldn’t actually be running right now because of it, so sorry Abby!”

She said this with a grin, as Abby stood behind the glass, disapproval plastered across her face. Nicky swore tiredly at Dan as she laughed, Renee patting Nicky sympathetically as he rejoined everyone, shoving Dan a bit on the way past. Abby began to call them one at a time to get checked, and the Foxes took the bit of extra time to lounge about and chat about the upcoming season.

Kevin sat beside Aaron, watching as Amira slowly sat with Renee and Robin, talking softly with them, getting to know them a little better. Kevin noticed she couldn’t seem to keep herself still – she was a constant blur of motion, whether it be talking with her hands, fiddling with bits of clothing, shaking a leg or tapping her feet. Kevin was irritated that he couldn’t remove his eyes from it. It was awfully distracting. His ears pricked at the sound of her name in Jack’s mouth, and he turned his head to glance at where it came from.

Jack still seemed spited about Amira’s comments on their first meeting, as he spent most of the time waiting glaring at her and complaining with Sheena, who seemed none too happy to join in.

“She’s got some filthy little secrets hiding behind that facade. As soon as everyone finds out, they won’t go near her with a 10ft pole.”

Sheena snorted as she tied her hair into a bun. “You could just, I don’t know, tell everyone now?”

Jack rolled his eyes at her and wiggled a finger side to side. “Better it comes out from her directly. More entertaining that way, you know?”

The pair continued muttering and insulting her, and Kevin immediately started to second guess if Jack was mature enough to be shaped and formed into a star. Kevin wasn’t one to second guess his choices on good players, mostly due to how successful Neil was becoming. But Jack’s attitude needed major shifting if he was going to have any ounce of success on his court.

After about 45 minutes, Abby called in Kevin last, and she began her routine check in. Kevin peeled his shirt off so she could check for needle markings, or any other ailments, both self or naturally inflicted. She seemed to be holding back from saying something to him, and Kevin watched her move about as if on glass.

Kevin sighed, closing his eyes and tilted his head down to look at his feet.

“Abby, what is it? You look like you’re going to explode.”

She sighed, as if a huge weight came off at him allowing her to poke and prod his mind, and she turned to him with folded arms.

“Kevin. I just – all summer. All summer you’ve been weird, and not yourself. Less snarky and crude but only because you weren’t talking much at all. And this was before the Edgar Allen banquet news. What the hell is going on with you?”

Her eyes implored him, hoping that he would open up, and Kevin stared back lamely, trying not to show any emotion in his eyes. If he looked at her too long, he feared she would see the blank numbness chilling at the edge of his emotions. He stayed silent for a moment, in order to gather up some plausible lie that would ease her off his back.

“Nothing. I was bored, restless. Just needed to feed off other people and get back into the game.”
He said it with a flat finality so that Abby would lay off. She frowned at him, seemingly okay with the fact that he gave an answer but frustrated that it was half-baked one.

“Well – with the season back on hopefully you’re back in the swing of things. You’re good to go.”
She patted his shoulder gently, let him put his clothes back on and he hurried back out to the court, where Wymack was ready for them and started them on warm ups.

He had them do laps around the court, and what felt like an endless series of stretches of every part of their body. Once done, he made them all get into gear. At this point, everyone was keen to bite into training. Kevin had a plan he discussed with Wymack during summer, for how to integrate the new players.

Kevin stood up front once everyone was in gear, racquets in hand and ready to go. He slammed the butt of his racquet against the floor a few times to shut them up, and easily settled into bossing them all around.

“Listen up – this is how we’re doing this today. New Foxes, I want you up front.”

He waited until they all moved forward, 3 standing either side of him, ready to listen. He glanced at each of them with a hard, stern expression, Jack staring back with a grin. Dan & Neil stepped up next to Kevin, Dan speaking their training instructions out to everyone.

“To start off, you’ll be paired with a player of the same position to oppose you on drills, so you can know what to expect from Class I players. Then we’ll swap you over so you have the opposing position. Jack, you’re with Neil, Sheena, you’ll be with Kevin, Amira, you’ll have me. Aubrey, you and Allison will be together, Itzel, you go with Matt and Robin, as goalie, you’ll be with Andrew. Nicky, I want you with Aaron. I’ll demonstrate the drills I want done with Neil, then everyone else will split up and go with their pair to practise. Coach will keep an eye, but Neil and I will keep you in line. I highly suggest you listen to us the first time, because if Kevin has to repeat anything, you’ll get thrown off the court. And I mean that literally.”

Robin raised her eyebrows in surprise, and Jack scoffed at the thought, as if Kevin would even be capable of it against him. Sheena looked incredulous, and Itzel frowned, unimpressed. Aubrey was the only one who looked genuinely scared, taking the slightest step back from Kevin. Amira simply gave a nod. Kevin watched them tepidly, not believing he would be at all impressed by any of them today.

“If I have to repeat myself even once, you can leave the court and not rejoin. And I am not kidding. Move out to your pairs.”

Amira lead the way, moving keenly next to Dan, everyone else joining suit to match up with their pairing. Everyone watched Dan intently as she brought Neil up front to demonstrate basic drills; overarm and underarm throws, rebound accuracy, long and short range catches.

Once Dan was done, all the Foxes jumped into the practice. Dan, Neil and Kevin went for hours with them all, drilling, yelling, demanding every bit of effort from them. The Foxes were used to Kevin’s harsh criticisms, but the new players seemed to have underestimated just how difficult Kevin’s coaching could be.

Robin was growing frustrated with her throwing, especially when her aim went awry. She huffed every time Kevin shoved at her, demanding she keep going at specific angles over and over until she hit the marks he wanted.

Sheena started to misjudge her rebounds, and kept breaking into arguments with Kevin every time he brought her up on it. At one point, she swung her racquet at Kevin in a fit, and he ducked with ease, laughing coldly at her miss.

“If your aim wasn’t so shit, you wouldn’t have missed. Leash your temper before I leash it for you.” It was hard, angry and Sheena told him to shove his racquet up his ass before jogging off to retrieve her balls.

Kevin was starting to see the seesaw that was Itzel and Aubrey – when one was up and doing well, the other was on the floor, barely able to keep up. Itzel was speedy, almost as much as Neil, which their defense desperately needed. However, she lacked power, and was easily outplayed by Matt. She wasn’t one for words, and settled for glares and short, snappy remarks every time Matt checked her. Aubrey was powerful, but lacked speed. Allison kept out stepping him, and every mistake he made, he apologised as if he was going to be hit. Kevin had to pull him up, and carefully held onto his racquet. He tapped Aubrey’s helmet as gently as possible, shaking his head as Aubrey flinched.

“You can’t be this weak on a Class I court. You will get destroyed. Stop apologising for existing and prove to me that you aren’t a waste of space being on this team.”

Aubrey nodded quickly, muttering a feeble ‘’Yes Kevin” before jogging back to join Allison.

Jack, in the meanwhile, was doing everything he could to get under Neil’s skin, playing skillfully one minute then absolutely terrible the next. The terrible was always on purpose, and only to get reactions out of Neil, which didn’t quite work. Neil’s anger was likely simmering at the surface, but his new role as vice-captain kept him in check, more for Coach’s sake than his own.

Instead, he started throwing out more difficult throws at Jack, running up on him and throwing it hard and close, testing how well he could handle it. Jack stopped moving when Neil threw a ball that barely missed his helmet, before dropping his racquet and throwing a fist. Neil dodged with quick feet, snorting at his failed attempt. Andrew watched from nearby, face blank but Kevin could see he had muzzled his desire to shut it down, opting to let Neil deal with it instead.

“Too slow, Jack. You’re winning me a hell of a lot of money by being the worst on the court today.” Neil said smoothly, scooping up a ball and jogging away. Jack’s face contorted in an ugly, furious manner. Kevin stepped in front of him, glowering and poking him in the chest with the tip of his racquet.

“Jack, I didn’t fucking bring you onto this team to taunt and rage around like some moronic blind bull. If you can’t handle playing with us, get the fuck off my court.”

Everyone paused at his cutthroat statement, and Kevin felt himself simmering with the desire to beat Jack, put him in his place and make him regret stepping out of line. He had to reel himself back in, breathing through his nose to calm himself away from the fine line of acting like a Raven again. Like Riko.

Jack glared at Kevin, before putting on a cruel, charming smile.

“My apologies, Master Kevin. I’ll endeavour not to do that again. You don’t mind being called Master, do you?” Jack said this with innocent eyes, and Kevin twitched, face whitening with rage. He opened his mouth to respond, but grunted instead as a ball suddenly hit the back of his knee. He fell hard to his knees at the impact, and whipped his head around like a snake for the source. Amira had her hands held up in mock guilt.

“My bad Jack – my aim isn’t great today.” Amira pouted from the halfway line, shaking her head regretfully. Kevin raised his eyebrows in surprise, his rage vanishing in place of biting back a surprised snort. Her aim had been grudgingly better than even some of the Foxes’ today. It was her footwork that was dragging her down.

Before Jack could ascend on her, Wymack smashed on the plexiglass, demanding that they all get back to training. His angered expression generally wasn’t one for even Kevin to mess with, so Jack snatched up his racquet, and went back to his drills with Neil bitterly.

Kevin turned back to Amira, where she was now taking instruction from Dan again on her misguided stepping. Amira snatched and consumed every bit of feedback Dan, Neil and Kevin had given her like a starved animal. Her focus was entirely on them when they addressed her, and even when Kevin belittled her, she simply nodded, and repeatedly attempted to fix whatever flaw he pinpointed.

“No – don’t do that. You’re overstepping. Cut it back, or you’ll keep being an easy target to steal from. Go again.”

She stared at him through her goggles, chest rising and falling quickly. She sniffled, went back to her mark beside Dan and waited for his word. Once he gave it, she bolted forward away from Dan, twisting to get around her but overstepped again. Kevin’s patience was thinning, and he stuck his racquet out, tripping her up when he saw her do it. She grunted, trying to evade it but fell straight to the floor. Dan sighed, chasing after the ball she dropped. Kevin waltzed forward, tapping the butt of his stick against Amira’s foot. She sat up on her elbows, staring up at him breathlessly. He shook his head in irritation, letting his frustration grate into her.

“This is absolutely pathetic. Up again. This time against me.”

She looked him up and down, nodding and got to her feet. He waved his hand lazily at Dan to swap. She chucked him the ball without question and jogged off to join Sheena, who seemed relieved to no longer have to deal with Kevin. She quickly regretted it when Dan started pushing her twice as hard.

Amira stood beside Kevin, and on his mark, started off with the ball. She was quick enough - that wasn’t the problem. She was all legs, and needed to have even steps. He boredly tripped her up again, and she only just managed to not lose balance, stumbling and righting herself. She stared at the floor, and Kevin came closer, tapping his net against her helmet.

“Are you even listening to me? Reel yourself back in. It isn’t always about how far you run. The wider the strides, the easier it is for defence to get your feet. I know you know this – I’ve seen you play. So stop being shit, and do it right.”

“You watched my tapes?” She moved her tongue around in her mouth idly, blinking up at him with glossy, bulbous eyes. Kevin rubbed a gloved hand tiredly across his grate and nodded, avoiding that sap-like gaze.

“If you ask me stupid questions, I will give you stupid answers. Now back at the mark.”

She pursed her lips and sighed. Some part of Kevin wanted her to bite back or argue, but he wasn’t sure why. He felt a squirm in his stomach at her lack of reaction to the Foxes’ aggression. How did she blank herself out in the face of a team that was such a hurricane?

She rolled her shoulders, and on her 6th attempt, she finally managed to shorten her strides, and evaded Kevin’s attempts to trip her. She counteracted his attempt to steal the ball with a wicked twist that could have messed up even a Raven, and Kevin was taken aback at her stick-work. He noted that her upper body strength wasn’t to be messed with. She managed a successful pass to Neil, who caught it with ease, and sprinted off to score on Robin.

Amira stood, clutching her racquet into her and glanced sideways at Kevin. He didn’t bother to look back, but kept his eyes ahead.

“Don’t take so long next time.” He felt her eyes on him as he jogged away to continue his critiques on the others.

The training went on gruesomely, and once it reached 8:30am, Wymack called it quits on the drills and made them do half an hour of warm downs.

“I want no injuries this season. The stretching and bodily care needs to be serious around here. We’ll be doing minimum 30 minute warm ups and warm downs from now on, got it? Now you all stink, get out, wash up, rest up and eat before midday. Get off my court.”

Everyone seemed exhausted, dragging themselves out and to the change rooms to get as far away from Wymack for the next few hours as possible.

-

The afternoon came around faster than any of them wanted it to, and everyone was back at court for strength & endurance. Coach had a surprisingly neatly drawn up layout of the court on a white board, and began listing out different gameplays and manoeuvres he wanted perfected from last year before they started. With enough Foxes now to make up 2 teams, he split everyone up into suitable positions to go through different situations.

From there, Dan took the lead, getting everyone into position. Kevin stood in position, eyes narrowing as Coach lingered by Amira’s side, whispering to her, everyone waiting for him to move off court so they could begin. Kevin’s eyes flitted to Amira, and he could see why Coach was at her side – she looked awful. Her face seemed to have lost its glow, replaced with a sallow, bleak twinge. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, mouth dry and red. What the hell had happened in the hours between the morning and now?

Dan and Kevin glanced at each other, and in an unspoken agreement moved toward Wymack and Amira, Kevin reaching up and knocking on the side of her helmet.

“If you’re even remotely considering puking on this court, leave now.” Harshness was necessary when it came to protecting the integrity of their court, but when Amira looked him in the eyes he immediately reeled himself back. Her eyes were alarmingly more dead up close.

Dan glanced at Wymack with wide eyes before she placed a hand gently on Amira’s arm. She flinched so violently that Dan had to quickly step back.
It seemed to work however in resetting her, as Amira looked at Wymack, Kevin and Dan before speaking. Her voice was dry and scratchy, but she was loud enough to be heard.

“I’m good, Coach. Promise. Let’s start.”

Wymack narrowed his eyes at her for a moment, observing her as she clenched her racquet tightly. After another minute, he nodded at Dan and Kevin, moving off court and blowing his whistle for everyone to begin.

Whatever had happened for Amira to turn from her into a shell of herself, Kevin suddenly wanted more of it, as it had only made her play even better than she had that morning. It was by no means Class I standard but - it was a lot of potential to work with. A lot that could be pushed and moulded into some semblance of greatness. It reminded him a lot of why he recruited Neil in the first place.

As the gameplays went on, Kevin couldn’t help himself butting in on top of Dan’s critiques. As she shouted about incorrect footwork, poor defence, bad passes and for what it felt like, every stupid possible mistake under the sun, Kevin doubled down and picked it apart, bit by bit until the Foxes’ mistakes were a fog clinging to their uniforms.

Whilst the team had their usual tiffs on the court, Matt and Kevin falling back into old rhythms of starting arguments with one another, Allison raging at Nicky for messing around in between ball possession, Kevin noticed that Sheena and Jack had been awfully quiet. He expected them to be the most raucous during this session with how they had been this morning, however, they seemed to have something else occupying their minds.

At every possession Amira had of the ball, she barely had a chance to move before the 2 of them descended on her with racquet and body checks. Amira didn’t once react to it, despite Wymack yelling at the pair to stop the aggression. Every lost possession caused by them, Amira began to resist their checks a little longer each time after. For 3 hours, Amira was whacked at, slammed into and hit by the pair. Where she escaped the shadow of one, the other instantly appeared to recon and push back on her, trying to steal the ball. But she refused to dignify the behaviour with retaliation.

The other Foxes seemed perplexed by her lack of reaction – it wasn’t something they were used to on the Court. It was always insults, screaming, brawls breaking out. Kevin and Dan let it continue on, but only because Amira held a hand up to stop Dan from saying anything to them about it.

The only sliver of justice obtained was Matt’s aggressively hard body checks on the pair. Amira looked at him each time he did it, knowing exactly what he was doing, but didn’t stop him either. Kevin swore he saw her pat Matt on the arm in passing, Matt beaming as Wymack yelled at him to stop trying to knock the new players out.

Just before Coach called them off to go hit the gym, it finally clicked why she hadn’t said a word to stop the behaviour. Matt had thrown her the ball, and she began to move, sensing Jack and Sheena on her back. After about 6 steps, she abruptly stopped, twisted in quick succession, and changed directions. Jack and Sheena weren’t expecting it, and they ended up crashing into one another, whilst Amira successfully side stepped and threw the ball to Aaron.

Instead of getting back up off the floor, Sheena started yelling at Jack and the pair started to brawl, knocking into Allison on their way through. Allison scowled and joined in out of principle, because she could never resist being dragged into a fight.
Dan and Matt ran up to try to break it up, and Amira stood there, panting heavily as she watched it unfold. Kevin watched her a moment before moving up beside her, tapping her stick with his and she turned to look at him, as 5 Foxes yelled and fought in the foreground.

“Nice move – only took you an hour to figure out. Make it 10 minutes next time.” It was mean, pointed. He watched her to see if she had some of her usual self back. Behind her goggles, she blinked before nodding slowly, a weak smile playing on her lips.

“I tried but I couldn’t get the footwork right.” She tapped her stick back against his, lingering at his side as Wymack’s patience finally cracked, and he stormed onto the court, grabbing the Foxes’ by whatever limbs and gear he could, ripping them apart as if they were paper.

“ENOUGH. Jack, Sheena – I have just watched you pile up on Amira at every possible chance through these drills. This team spent too long not working together for you two absolute idiots to try undo it all in a week. If you act like this again on my court, you are done on my team. Do I make myself clear?”
They both froze at the threat, Sheena nudging Jack in anger, as if to blame him. They both nodded and said a quick “Yes Coach.”

Wymack glared at them both, his eyes sweeping the other Foxes, as if daring them to speak up. None of them did. Aubrey looked terrified, and Wymack gave him a quick, reassuring nod before heading back off court. Aubrey relaxed after that, and Kevin frowned, making a mental note to check in with what the deal with him was. He was a good enough player, but getting any sort of criticism or feedback seemed to make him spiral into a terrified shell. Kevin wasn’t used to dealing with that sort of fear – he knew what it felt like, but felt too awkward to be gentle and caring. He would have to ask Coach about how to handle it.

When Kevin checked the clock on the far side of the court, he could see it was time for stretches. Wymack demanded they all take off their gear to air before doing so. It was a surprisingly silent cool down, and Wymack made them all leave, threatening that their evening weights and endurance session would be the 7 steps of hell if they didn’t leave fast enough. Everyone removed themselves off the ground and made their way to the gym.

Amira didn’t move, though, but rather stayed in the middle of the court at Wymack’s feet. Kevin pursed his lips, watching a moment. Something in him compelled him forward, and he glanced at Coach before squatting down beside Amira, balancing on the balls of his feet.

She sat with her legs sprawled, palms flat on the ground between her thighs and she stared at the floor without expression. She didn’t react to Kevin’s presence at first, but slowly dragged her eyes, sensing his nearness. She stared at his knees, and Kevin watched her, her eyes were rimmed with marks from her goggles, which lay at her side. She stared long and hard, and Kevin stayed there, searching for whatever it was that made Amira work so hard today. He was unsure if asking now would get him anywhere. If she turned out to be as cagey as Neil was when they first met him, he would get blanked and shut out. He wasn’t willing to test that possibility.

Kevin’s thoughts churned in his mind. She was showing the immediate initiative, drive for exy that Neil did his first week with him. Kevin beat him down constantly, but Neil only turned up more determined. It was week 0 and she was catching on faster than the other recruits. Jack included.

He had planned to start up night practises again when semester restarted, but he was having an ongoing debate with Neil and Dan about it. They wanted the Ravens drills to be integrated into their normal training, so the whole team could benefit. But Kevin wanted to spend the time focusing on those who he knew he could push to being Court someday. Who wanted to be Court someday.
Jack had said it to him when he was recruited, so certain and knowing that Kevin found himself believing it. But one day in with Jack’s immaturity seemed to be ruining that facade disastrously.

He had two weeks to make a decision. That ought to be enough time to gauge what each and every one of the new players wanted. He nudged Amira with his foot, and she grabbed her gear, clambering to her feet, looking past him.

“Look at me.”

It was demanding, and Amira didn’t seem to be one to disobey orders. She dragged her eyes to his, and remembered why it was so hard to look. The depth of her eyes were so heavy, he almost looked away himself. But he remembered Coach was standing there, and bulled on.

“You are ridiculously slow at figuring out your opponents flaws. You need to get quicker, or you won’t last a quarter in a match. And your footwork is atrocious. But you might be worth something more if you get it sorted. Understood?”

He saw Wymack roll his eyes just out of his peripheral, but Amira bobbed her head, eyes shining. She shuffled back and pushed herself up, bringing her goggles, helmet and stick with her.

“You sure you want to take a gamble on me so quickly, Kevin Day?”

He narrowed his eyes at that. It was a good point, but Kevin didn’t have the luxury of being able to study her before she was selected for the team. So he shrugged one shoulder, nodding.

“I don’t have time for regrets. Do you?”

She stared intently, as if trying to bask and soak in his confidence. She shook her head, said a polite thank you to Wymack for the drills, and waddled away to the changerooms. Kevin raised an eyebrow and Wymack kicked at him as he stood back up.

“Look at that. One of you finally learned how to say thank you to me.”

It was Kevin’s turn to roll his eyes then, and he sauntered off court, trying to think if anyone ever did thank Coach for anything.

Chapter Text

The next two weeks of training prior to the start of semester almost made Kevin miss the Nest.

Kevin had been wallowing in so much self pity over the summer that he hadn’t seen it, but something about Wymack had shifted.

Whether it was winning the championship last season, the cruel events the Foxes endured, finding out he was Kevin’s father, or something else, Kevin wasn’t sure. But he had something in him that wasn’t quite there before.

It wasn’t hope – no, Wymack oozed that naturally, not for himself but it poured from him into every player he brought onto the team. It wasn’t determination, because that ran naturally in his blood. But maybe — just maybe – it was excitement.

For the season ahead, for the loosely threaded unity he had miraculously managed amongst the Foxes, that at this current point in time, all of his Foxes were an odd semblance of okay. Simply put.

He seemed younger. Happier. But the way that transferred into his coaching, everyone wished he was as grumpy as usual. He slaughtered them all in their training, demanding more of them everyday. Kevin was used to it, but the others somewhat struggled to come to terms with this new side of Wymack.

The new Foxes especially struggled, and finally started relying on the older Foxes. Robin seemed to lean more on Neil and Andrew, Itzel seemed to take to Renee, who respected her dislike for talking. Aubrey and Aaron got on oddly well, as they realised they were both studying medicine – Aaron to become a surgeon, Aubrey to become an exercise physiologist. However, Sheena and Jack stuck together, acting like wounded animals who bit or growled at anyone who came near.

Amira seemed to gravitate continually toward Kevin, and for the life of him couldn’t figure out why. Every opportunity she had to take his advice, his gripes and criticisms, she was there. She would speak sporadically, and every time she opened her mouth was a test of Kevin’s patience.

“Do you always have panic attacks as bad as the one you had at Abby’s?”

She asked this during a rebound drill, and Kevin scowled, tapping her racquet right when she was about to swing so that her ball would go off course. “Mind your business.”

Her ball went a ways away from her target, and she pouted a little, side eyeing Kevin. The peppering of questions continued over the next couple of weeks, much to the dismay of Kevin’s poor, thinning tolerance.

“Do you think the Ravens would have won the championship last year against the Foxes if you weren’t on the team?”

“Shut up.”

“If you didn’t play striker, what position would you play?”

“If you can’t figure that out on your own, you’re dumber than you look.”

“What’s the actual story behind you leaving Edgar Allen? I know the media-safe one is bullshit.”

“None of your business.”

“Do you think you’re better than everyone else because you can play ambidextrously?”

“Obviously.”

“Do you think all strikers would benefit from playing that way?”

“Obviously not.”

Weeks of this ground him raw. He had never had anyone so quizzical, curious. Despite his best efforts to be curt, mean, unapproachable, she came back for more every time.

Luckily for him, however, she had her hands tied with dealing with Jack & Sheena as well. Those two were the exceptions to Wymack’s success. He did everything he could to get them on side, by changing pairings during training, grouping them with others to buffer them out, but he was failing miserably.

They continued to target Amira in more covert ways over the fortnight, with snide comments, childish tripping with racquets, and hard but sporadic stick checks. Especially in their midday sessions, they were ruthless against her. Kevin learnt from Nicky that Amira was seeing Dobson every day between the morning and afternoon sessions. It explained her sickly, ghosted look that she arrived with everyday. She didn’t speak about it, despite being asked numerous times by Dan and Renee.

The Foxes quickly learnt that she didn’t want interference – in her private dealings or with Jack and Sheena. One morning, when Sheena shoved her from behind, so hard she ended up on her knees, she grabbed the end of Neil’s stick from swinging to trip Sheena.

“Leave it, Josten. My fight, not yours.”

Kevin watched with narrowed eyes as Neil tugged his net back, holding out a hand, which Amira ignored in turn for using her stick to help herself up. “You’ll learn sooner or later that Foxes don’t really stay out of each other’s business all too well.”

Amira shoved her stick under her arm as she tightened her knee pads, not bothering to look at Neil. “I’ll face that when the time comes then.”

She jogged off after that, Kevin shrugging when Neil looked at him. They realised soon enough that she used the opportunity of their mind games to better them in every way possible, both on and off the court.

Kevin however, became irritated with her lack of body checking in defense, and pulled her up on it when Jack once again both slammed into her days later. He watched her crawl to her knees, hands on his hips, whilst Jack jogged backwards with a grin.

“Amira! In my way again! You’re very good at putting yourself in uh… poor positions, aren’t you? I thought you might have known better, with your experience from a young age and all.”

Amira was slower getting up each time, and something flickered in her eyes that Kevin couldn’t quite put a finger on. She didn’t bother with a reply to Jack as he ran back to Sheena, and Kevin frowned, pulling her fully to her feet.

“You can’t play this game if you don’t fight back. You need to check them. No amount of stick tricks or side steps are going to help you.”

She waved her hand as if swatting a fly, rolling her shoulders. “If I don’t have to check, I’m not doing it. I’ve told you this Kevin.”

He tapped his foot on the floor, staring in disbelief. “Don’t be so incredibly stupid, it’s insufferable.”

She narrowed her eyes, stalking around him slowly. He stilled, letting his eyes follow her movements disapprovingly. As sudden as a snake, she quickly whipped her racquet, twisting it around his net to a point that he could no longer grip it – he either had to change grip & readjust, or let go. He let go. It clattered to the ground, and the ball in his net was swiftly scooped up by her. She brought her helmet close to his, their grates clacking together.

“If I can disarm even you, then I’m not worried. You should open your eyes to new ways of playing. You’d be surprised. If you stay stuck in the ways of the Ravens, you’ll get left behind.”

It was soft, gallant. He was still looking at his racquet on the ground. He loathed that it impressed him. Her checking refusal reminded him a bit of the Trojans, and he felt a sharp stab in his gut knowing he would never have fit in with them and their morals. He watched as she used the tip of her foot to flick his racquet up, and he caught it mid air. She walked away, and Kevin felt his brain scrambling to put the pieces of that puzzle together.

Over the two weeks prior to classes starting, Kevin had come to a compromise with Dan and Neil. They would integrate the Ravens skill training into their daily work with Wymack, but Kevin would still do night sessions. Primarily with Andrew, Neil and Amira. He had taken the time at training to get one on one with each new Fox, to learn what their goals & motivations with joining the Palmetto team was.

For Robin, it was about passion. He had briefly learnt of her childhood, where she had been kidnapped and pretty much succumbed to being locked in a house for years of her youth. Kevin felt himself succumb to her a little, as he related to that feeling of hating enclosed spaces. She was a very well rounded, kind person for someone who went through what she did. She just wanted to play, have fun. Kevin itched that she didn’t want more, but he supposed he couldn’t begrudge her for not wanting to be locked into something as intense as professional sport.

Aubrey had an extreme passion for health & fitness. Exy was his favourite sport, which was why he dedicated himself so hard to it. But ultimately, with the career path he wanted to go down, both he & Kevin knew it wouldn’t be worth it for him to come to night sessions. Kevin did manage to get some information about his upbringing – he went to boarding school, as his parents worked corporate for a gas company. They were overseas so often, that boarding was easier. But he was severely abused there by a teacher, who manipulated him into thinking he deserved it – that he was possessed by the devil, because he had diagnosed dissociative disorder. Considering that type of childhood, he had become far stronger than Kevin suspected even Aubrey ever thought possible.

He didn’t bother with Jack or Sheena – they showed their true colours well enough on court, and Kevin’s attempts to speak with them turned to self-obsessed, nauseating conversations about how good they were, and that they would be just fine with Wymack’s training.

Itzel was the hardest to get an answer out of. Kevin was unsure how Wymack got her signed when she would barely speak, but Aubrey and Renee helped fill in gaps where they could. Apparently, she only signed on because Aubrey did, and wanted the full ride for college. She had no interest in going pro after she graduated. The pair had gone to the same boarding school, which is where they learnt exy in the first place. Her mother died of a drug overdose when she was in high school but not before she got Aubrey hooked. It took years to get her sober again, and a strained relationship with her grieving father didn’t help. Aubrey was her only friend, but Kevin suspected that may change the longer she was around Renee.

Amira was the only one of them who wanted Court. She was the easiest to speak to out of the new recruits – all of the Foxes had taken to her fairly well. She shapeshifted to each of their personalities, so it was hard to pinpoint her as a whole. Nicky was especially floored, as she took the time to actually respond to his flooded text messages he was sending all the newbies each day. She was the only one who responded.

Kevin was still having trouble figuring her out – the best he came up with was that she was simply aloof in essence. She was balancing expertly in the middle of a see-saw, giving in to the Foxes’ incessant nosiness but leaning the other way when they got too close. She knew how to skip around topics, weave them smoothly into something else, so easily spun that they forgot what they had been asking in the first place. Despite her peppering queries to him, some small part of him felt grounded at how... Normal she treated him. It was odd, to be both utterly grated but relieved by one’s personality.

That amount of delicate manipulation only came with years of practice. Despite that, it was threaded with genuine curiosity and kindness toward each one of them that none could begrudge. Even Andrew tolerated her presence. She once brought protein choc chip cookies to practise for everyone, and he seemed to be sold from that point forth. If Kevin knew cookies were the way to controlling Andrew, he would have started force feeding him the first day they met.

Wymack wouldn’t budge when Kevin and Neil asked him about her past. They knew they could just as easily search it online – but the way Wymack caged the information, Kevin was concerned to find out. He would wait until she was ready to tell, if that day ever came.

Each day of training they had together, Amira magnetised herself to Kevin a little more each day. Neil was perplexed at how she dealt so easily with Kevin’s nagging, how it didn’t grind her to the bone. The three of them stood together during one session, Amira’s arms folded as she watched Dan demonstrate a defence exercise with Aaron.

“Why does Kevin’s horrific attitude not get to you?”

Neil spoke as if Kevin wasn’t right beside him, and he leaned forward to glower at him. Neil waved his hand airily, keeping his eyes on Amira. She didn’t turn away from Dan, but did take the time to think on it, but Jack butted in, despite not being a part of the conversation.

“I reckon it’s something about being dominated, right? Youthful memories, perhaps?”

Neil and Kevin cut him a confused look, but Amira answered as if Jack hadn’t even spoken.

“I never had someone who cared enough to help me better myself. I feel terribly behind to where I want to be because of it. Although a little less edge in his attitude would be nice.”

She bit her lips, starting to fiddle with her plait, Jack rolling his eyes and dismissing the conversation as useless. Neil and Kevin glanced to one another then back at her.

“You’re not as far behind as you think.”

Kevin was unsure why Neil would lie like that, but Kevin nudged him in the rib.

“Incorrect. I can start listing all the things that need fix –”

“I’m starting to think you need a dictionary Kevin. Do you know what the word ‘encouragement’ means?”

This came from Matt who stood behind them, and Kevin didn’t miss the way Amira bit back a smile. He tilted his head back and upside down to glare at Matt. Amira cut in before Matt could open his mouth.

“He has a point. Don’t you think the team would respond better to your criticisms if you were perhaps a little more… stoic? Praise and kindness goes a long way. The better your connection with your team, you would be more likely to get your points across, and have them improve quicker.”

Kevin whipped his head back to her. He couldn’t believe he was being lectured on his coaching methods by an inexperienced idiot. Pooling heat stiffened in his face as he glared at her.

“Who the hell uses the word stoic?”

Her eyes wandered around his face, calculating, before facing forward. Soft, careful words left her mouth then, trying to tame a rabid animal.

“People who had the freedom to pick up a dictionary every once in a while as opposed to being bred & raised as a fighting dog.”

Neil’s eyes widened, and Kevin felt the words ringing around his head. Did she just –

He hadn’t realised Neil was holding his arm, but the digging nails in his wrist indicated Kevin had moved for Amira. She hadn’t bothered to look back at him, her eyes still on Dan and her demonstration. Kevin wanted her eyes on his, to feel the venom now coursing through him.

“Don’t you dare speak on what your miniscule brain would never be able to comprehend. Encouragement does not create improvement, it fosters disillusion that one is doing better than they actually are. If you want delusions, go speak to Coach and let him tell you again that you’re actually worth any bit of being on this team. Because you’re not, not with the way you play, not –”

The cutting tone must have been bad, because Matt shoved a hand in Kevin’s face, trying to ease him up a bit. “Are you Neil, or do you also not know how to shut your irritating mouth?”

Amira slid her eyes sideways at Kevin, unphased by how much she had ruffled his feathers. Kevin wanted more than anything to slaughter her on the court, but Dan cursed them then to shut down the talking. Matt stood to attention, saluting stiffly with a half-assed grin on his face. Amira simply nodded, and Kevin was left to stare ahead, numb at the fact that her truths had cut him to the bone.

–

The day before semester started, Kevin announced he would bring Amira to the night trainings along with Neil and Andrew. It took every ounce of his will to not rescind the offer after her comments at training the other day. His stubbornness said to not give in, but his logic said it would be nominally stupid to exclude her.

He practically froze Jack out from that point forth, bored of his terrible attitude. He privately thought that Jack would be successful as a Raven. Jack seemed to notice the ignorance too. He had started nagging to do night sessions with Kevin, but was outright refused. The begging grinded Kevin to the bone. It was a desperation that reeked.

“Jack – I am not wasting my time on someone who is so easily affected by the actions and words of others. If you cannot be leashed, you are of no use to me.”

His indifference, his cold temperament finally got the message across. Jack finally left him alone, and settled in putrid, hateful glares every time they were on the court together during Wymack’s trainings. Kevin had dealt with Riko, though, and nothing was worse than that.

The rest of that session was spent with Jack getting as deeply beneath Neil’s skin as possible, with Sheena further poking the wounds. Kevin watched from the side, flicking his racquet back and forth between his hands. The pair latched their behavioural outbursts from Amira to Neil, who received their aggression with much more patience than Kevin thought possible. Neil had a way with getting quick to anger if he let himself, but he was leashing it tight now. Kevin knew the moment they went too far and Andrew had to get involved, someone would likely be dead.

“Jack! Sheena! Can you fucking quit it – dogging like that on your vice captain will get you nowhere!” Dan was with Aubrey, Amira and Allison doing dealer scuffle drills, eyes hardening as she glared at the pair. Jack rolled his eyes, muttering beneath his breath and Sheena simply smiled. Neil flicked a glove hand at Dan to tell her to leave it, and she squared her shoulders stiffly as she turned away.

Kevin tried to focus on the defence, integrating Itzel’s speed into his backliners methods. Itzel’s refusal to communicate made it difficult, but she listened relatively well. She was used to taller fellow backliners, so when she had someone closer to her size like Aaron on side, Kevin noticed she seemed to slip up in her throws and passes to him. She had the pair practise together one on one, whilst having Nicky and Matt on ball stealing drills.

He clipped his focus to the dealer’s however, and watched as Amira seemed to have them all laughing and chatting whilst practising passes. She even had Aubrey joining in somehow, which was miraculous for someone who was scared of a too strong breeze. It irked Kevin deeply, how well she did it, how smooth she was in her… manipulation. He found himself moving towards them all, banging the butt of his racquet to the floor.

“If you have time for laughing, you’re not training hard enough. Get back to work.”

Allison cocked a brow, tapping her thumb and fingers together to mimic his yapping. Dan snorted and placed a gloved hand on Kevin’s grate, shaking his head side to side.

“I’m doing my job Kev, you go do yours.”

He took her wrist in his hand and pushed it away from him, frowning. He opened his mouth, but Amira was quicker to butt in.

“If you wanted to join the conversation, you could have just asked. We were just discussing the time I choked on spaghetti and snorted it all out of my nose.”

She beamed as if it wasn’t the most useless information he could have been given. His brows knitted as he stared, incredulous to her lack of seriousness.

“This information doesn’t fix your plentiful flaws, why don’t you –”

“And then they told me about the time that you choked on a protein shake and blew half of it back out of your nose and how they had never seen Andrew smile so happily in his life.”

She smiled even bigger at his worsening mood, and he scowled at Dan and Allison for the betrayal of that embarrassing moment, and they all started laughing at his face. He turned to leave, but Amira grabbed his arm, fluttering her lashes innocently at him through her helmet.

“Don’t leave.”

The softness, her whorling eyes, made his chest lurch oddly. He froze a moment before pulling himself out of her grip, and walking back to the defence line. He wondered then how to shake off a feeling so ancient it felt like swirling dust in his bones. He wasn’t so sure he could.

–

The first week of classes finally began, and as usual they were a waste of time. It wasn’t so much that Kevin didn’t enjoy them, it was the slow pace that the teachers kept to ensure the slower students could keep up. On the first day, Nicky decided it would be a good idea for the new Foxes to get coffee together before classes. He invited all of them and their buddies, but only 3 showed up: Aubrey, Amira and Robin. Aubrey and Robin came in first, with Aaron and Renee behind. Amira had to drive over from Abby’s, and arrived 5 minutes after them.

Kevin was unhappy with Nicky’s early wake up call, but he was relentless about them doing this. Coach had pushed their first training for the semester back to Wednesday, so that the Foxes could settle into their renewed schedules. Nicky excitedly opened the door when Amira knocked, looking out to see if Sheena, Jack or Itzel were there too – but they weren’t. He ushered her in, craning to look at the clock on the wall. Aubrey spoke up first.

“They won’t come, Nicky. We should probably just go.”

It was a gentle attempt at a let down, but Nicky couldn’t quite hide his disappointment. Robin yawned, leaning against the wall with closed eyes, and Amira stood aside, eyes razing over the dorm. Kevin realised she had likely not seen them due to living at Abby’s, and Nicky quickly filled the silence by giving her a theatrical dorm tour.

“It’s very cosy. Whose books are these?”

Kevin flicked his gaze as she stood at his desk, brushing her fingers along the spines of his small collection. It was exy books or history books, no in between. Not one of the Foxes had much interest in his reading habits, so he was surprised that Amira did. Nicky waved it aside as useless, rolling his eyes.

“They’re Kevin’s, for when he feels like having a personality outside of exy. Although I’m not so sure the sports books count.”

Amira nodded with a soft smile, Kevin scowling and throwing his half put on shoe at Nicky. He caught it easily and only grinned back at him. “You’ll all have to excuse Kevin, he isn’t quite an early bird.”

Kevin considered throwing his other shoe, but Renee bayed him to peace. When Amira was done looking at his books, she picked one of the history one’s up, waving it at him. He swallowed his resentment from the other day and nodded yes at her silent question to borrow it. She slid it into her bag, and Kevin felt himself lingering on her small, satisfied smile. Nicky led them all out after that, following them to one of the on-campus cafes.

It was littered with other half-asleep students, cradling coffees close to them, as if it would breathe life and excitement into their beings. Nicky quickly took everyone’s orders before going up to the counter. Amira offered him the cash, but he shoved it aside and ran away from her. As they waited, Aaron bent over his schedule with Aubrey, and Renee pointed out buildings around campus to Robin. Amira pulled out Kevin’s book, opening it up and thumbing through the contents.

“I wouldn’t have taken you for a history buff.”

She didn’t look up as she spoke, so Kevin carried his eye contact to her. She sat in baggy jean shorts, her Palmetto jersey and white sneakers. She probably could have passed as a basketball player. He watched her hair waterfall loosely around her, covering most of her face. He itched to move it off, irritated that it blocked her view of him. But he kept that to himself.

“What did you take me for then?”

He had no particular interest in what she thought of him, but raised a brow nonetheless at her answer.

“Architecture. Design engineering, maybe. You seem to like structure, complex but sensible routines that can challenge you.”

Worms crawled uncomfortably in his stomach at her accurate assessment. He had pushed to do architecture alongside history back at Edgar Allen, but Riko’s compromise in agreeing was Kevin doing all of his homework. He would have lost his mind doing 4 lots of such content heavy subjects, so he chose history. He wasn’t unhappy with that choice though; he enjoyed the patterns, the differing interpretations, the shaping of how one interprets the world around them. How the past shapes the future, but the future never seems to shape the mistakes of the past.

“I tried to do architecture back at Edgar Allen. Riko wouldn’t let me.”

Aaron paused his conversation, as did Renee. The rare mention of Riko had the older Foxes on edge. The new Foxes hadn’t been given the full extent of details about what had occurred last year; they had received the media-safe overview. It was unsure if they could be trusted, and Wymack put it in his Foxes hands to tell them the truth if they felt the need. Heavy tugging began to drag his heart to his stomach, as all eyes turned to Kevin except Amira’s, who kept her trained on the book. He stared at her hair, wishing he could hide within its endless strands.

“What architectural trends are you most fond of?”

He blinked, not expecting her to take further interest beyond that statement. His mind flooded with the books he kept near his pillow to read before bed, the ones he left in his school bag to read between classes. Whether she was genuinely curious or trying to diffuse the tension, he was grateful. “Gothic, Islamic, Art Nouveau.”

A slow, ardent smile spread across her lips, and she looked up with twinkling eyes. “I really want to see the Jubilee Synagogue one day. And Casa Batllo.”

Stilted silence followed. No one ever knew these things – apart from his teachers. He chest bubbled a little, and it was Aaron that broke the quiet. “At least we don’t have to listen to your weird tangents anymore Kevin.”

Kevin did not have enough small objects to throw at the Foxes these days. Nicky rejoined them, and once the servers brought them their coffees, they settled into sipping as Nicky rattled off about anything and everything under the sun. Renee helped every now and then, as did Amira, but Aubrey and Robin seemed more content to listen, much to Nicky’s dismay.

Kevin was glad to be away from Nicky’s poor socialisation attempt, and headed to the humanities building with Amira for their modern history class. She walked and read as she followed him, and Kevin frowned at having to grab her repeatedly so she wouldn’t run into people. He grumbled beneath his breath but she continued on without a care. Once they got to class, it was a fairly boring affair, as expected. Students chattered restlessly about their summer holidays and the professor powered on nonetheless. Kevin wrote notes mindlessly, as did Amira. They spent the lesson in comfortable silence, feeling more at peace in her presence than he had in the last couple of days. He only paused his focus when Amira had tapped her pen against his hand. He looked down at his mottled scars, then at her. She had her eyes on her textbook, and he knew incoming spray of queries was on his doorstep.

“How did you break your hand if it wasn’t skiing?”

Her whisper jarred him to stillness, and he clenched his hand, attempting to breathe through his irritation. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.”

She licked her lips, tapping her index fingers on her desk like a piano. “But I do want the answer. Or I wouldn’t be asking.”

Heated irritation crawled up his neck and threatened to break out as vicious vocal violence. But he reeled himself back in at the last moment. “It does not benefit you in any way to know. Leave it.”

“Fine – what were the exact injuries resulting from the incident, then?”

He knew she was staring at his hand, his scars. It took everything in him not to snatch his hand away and hide it beneath the table. “Are you my doctor? My shrink? No? Then shut up.”

It was grumbled, cold, but what came out of her mouth next made his brain malfunction in his attempt to keep up with her erratic trains of thought.

“What did he use?”

Confusion clearly etched his brow, as she glanced at him, then at his hand, tapping his scars with her pen before looking back to her desk.

“A foot? A tool? A racquet?”

Kevin flinched so hard he knocked his book off the desk. How did she know? Who would be stupid enough to speak about Riko’s ugly rage to her? People looked his way, and he ducked his head beneath the table in search of his fallen book. The desk covered him as he tried to remember how to breathe. Amira’s eyes were glued to her papers like nothing had happened. Panic was replaced with insulted rage, and upon coming back up, he grabbed her chin, turning her head roughly to face him. He felt her lock up beneath his touch, and satisfaction was not enough for returning the discomfort she had just served him.

“If you ever ask me that again, I will remove you so quickly from the line up you won’t be able to apologise for your insolent prying. Do you understand?”

Silence wasn’t the answer he was expecting, but it was the one he got. She stared at him a moment too long, her eyes goring into his, face void of expression. She pulled her head out of his clutch and went back to her work. His heart pounded against his chest, and he reached into his bag, pulling out his flask. He didn’t care that Amira watched him knock it back, only cared that the harsh sting down his throat was a different feeling to focus on.

He considered abandoning her to fend off the curious students about their new Foxes after the stunt she pulled, but the vodka calmed him enough to continue on with their day. He refused to speak to her, so she didn’t bother speaking to him. He was relieved when he was able to drop her into Nicky & Neil’s clutches for Spanish, and retreated back to the dorms.

It gave him time to breathe, to think about how Amira knew about his hand. It was a dangerous accusation. It risked his deal with Ichirou if she knew; the more people that knew about Riko’s violence risked outing the Moriyama empire.

He needed to quell her curiosities – they were downright dangerous, and Kevin had had enough of nosy people for a lifetime.

He sank into his desk, looking up as he saw Andrew exit the bathroom. He didn’t bother with a greeting, only went to the kitchen to make a snack. Kevin avoided looking at him, but that wouldn’t work with Andrew. A grape was pegged at his head, and Kevin closed his eyes, breathing patience into himself.

“What happened?”

Kevin didn’t bother to look, but knew Andrew’s eyes were boring into him from across the room. Kevin bit the inside of his cheeks, but it didn’t ease the flurry inside his skull.

“Amira asked what ‘he’ did to my hand. She knows about Riko, and I don’t know how.”

Andrew said nothing, casting it aside as unimportant. He brought his bowl of fruit over and sat on the desk by the window, opening it to smoke and pop fruit in his mouth in between puffs. What an ugly contradiction of health.

“That makes sense.”

Kevin frowned, spinning in his chair to look at Andrew. “Why would that make sense?”

Andrew cut a side eye at him before looking back out the window. “If you spoke to her about anything other than your stupid obsession with exy, you would see how observant she is. She’s an intelligent little boot licker.”

Kevin caught the grape Andrew threw at him and put it in his mouth, chewing slowly as he thought about it. He dragged to memory every time he saw her with the other Foxes. He knew she was going out to dinners with the upperclassmen, she had been texting Nicky back and forth, she had Aubrey on side with her kindness, which meant she had Itzel locked in too. She took interest in Aaron’s future, dragged him into conversations he always avoided. Neil took to her sharing of knowledge and things he had never experienced. Andrew was taken by the simplicity of home-baked goods. The intent, deep focus she had on Kevin every time he corrected her on court.

“Then what do we do about it?”

Andrew cocked a brow boredly, clearly sick of wasting his breath on him. “Nothing.”

“What do you –”

“Has she said a word to you, or anyone, about anything she’s been told? Does she talk and gossip the way the others do?”

Kevin sighed, shaking his head. “No, but –”

“Stop speaking if you’re going to make me put the pieces of your stupid puzzle together. Goodbye.” Andrew pressed his butt out in the ashtray, and retreated to the bedroom. Kevin groaned, burying his head in his hands. He only hoped this wouldn’t affect their night training.

–

Kevin, Andrew and Neil met Amira at the courts for their first night session that evening.The routine of late nights in a quieter, echoey court, a peace that Neil and Kevin direly needed to maintain their odd way of inner peace. Kevin kept private the celebration of Andrew's participation between himself and Neil. It was mostly Neil’s doing, Kevin was glad, but it did sting knowing it wasn’t entirely by his own hands.

Kevin had a strict plan going into this season’s sessions: perfecting the little touches Neil needed improving on, catching Andrew up to speed on Raven’s keeper drills and hurling every critique possible at Amira. He reserved his harshness for her, much to Neil’s relief. It was also good practise for Neil to instruct her as well, which Kevin forced him to do. He was still getting used to being vice-captain, and knew he hadn’t quite found his feet. Amira probably wasn’t the best person to experiment on, due to her lack of reaction, but Neil did as Kevin requested nonetheless. Amira simply accepted their feedback and plowed on to not repeat the issues she had ongoing. Kevin would not say he was impressed, but having someone who barely fought back made the training process a whole lot easier.

Kevin hadn’t spoken to her since their tiff earlier that day, but it didn’t stop her from going her hardest on the court. He had Andrew and her practising the 13 Raven drills, and Neil and him gave tips as needed. Andrew was faster to catch on, and Amira tried chatting between sets to get to know the boys.

“What drew you guys to ending up in the positions you did?”

She panted as she stood, hands on hips beside Neil and Andrew whilst Kevin brought their gathered balls back to the mark. Neil looked at Andrew, then Kevin. Kevin squatted by the bucket, and when none of them spoke, he went first.

“The adrenaline of scoring goals. Of getting through the last line of defence.”

She spun her racquet between her hands as he spoke, and Andrew feigned not having heard her question. Neil took Kevin’s answer as the confidence he needed to answer for himself. “I didn’t have a choice – I started out as backliner, ended up striker because the team I joined had no space for me on defence. I haven’t turned back since.”

She smiled at that, tapping the bottom of her racquet at Andrew for his answer. He pursed his lips, eyes narrowed as if trying to make her head pop. She stared back indifferently, patient and silent. Andrew didn’t so much as give in, but rather used the opportunity to squeeze stuff out of her in return. “It was the easiest thing for me to do whilst drugged up. Too much running made me puke on court, apparently no one likes slipping in other people’s vomit these days. How did you get into exy?”

It was all bland, bored tones from Andrew, and at his question Amira turned away, throwing her racquet back and forth between her hands. “I couldn’t join the local baseball team when I moved to Jacksonville. So I joined the school exy team. Teachers can’t really tell a kid off a team without it getting them into trouble, so. It had a stick, so I joined.”

Kevin narrowed his eyes, and Andrew moved around, grabbing the end of her racquet and stilling her. “Couldn’t join a local baseball team? Doesn’t seem right.”

She shrugged, looking away at the goalposts. Kevin watched that deflection, and it was Neil who butted another question. “If you’d played most of your childhood, you would have been a star resource. So what changed?”

Amira slowly turned her gaze to Neil, tilting her head to the side. “I did.”

Andrew narrowed his eyes, watching Amira pick up the bucket in front of Kevin and head to first-fourth line. Kevin slowly stood back up, eyeing Andrew’s suspicious eyes. “Coach said she’ll tell us eventually.”

“Oh, she will. She’s telling the truth, just not all of it.” Andrew stalked back to the goal, and Neil shrugged at Kevin, urging him toward continuing their drills.
It wasn’t so much that there was an issue with her curiosity; it was laced with the need to understand her teammates, not gossip. But it made Kevin finally understand what Andrew had said. She was shapeshifting before his eyes, molding herself to their personalities. She was more concise, to the point with Andrew. Very patient with Neil, who was untrusting and vague with answers at first. But when he saw Andrew respond, who flitted looks to Kevin between his interactions with Amira, Neil started to open up a bit more.

For Neil, it was practice – at not lying, hiding every part of himself. At being open to letting new people in. Kevin suspected something like this would have taken months in a normal circumstance, but because the Foxes were all breathing down each other’s necks for the last couple weeks, it was easier getting to understand someone.

Amira walked up to Kevin when they were having a drink break, pulling her long ponytail out of her shirt.

“What would you do if you didn’t have this?” She gestured at the court, the gear, at Neil and Andrew. He furrowed his brow as he sipped his water, pushing his sticky hair from his eyes. She bit her lips as she awaited his response. He rolled his eyes and put the bottle down. He sensed it was a peace offering for earlier, and he couldn’t get what Andrew had said unwoven from his perception of her, but he indulged her nonetheless.

“I wouldn’t do anything. I wouldn’t exist. I wouldn’t be alive. Because there is nothing worth living for without it.”

She studied him, pursing her lips to the side. It was scrutiny. He crossed his arms defensively and tilted his chin up when she spoke.

“That’s a lot of pressure to put on one thing. For it to be the only reason you live. Putting all your eggs in one basket, you’re over-weighing it. It will break eventually.”

He pulled his tongue across his teeth, lip twitching and he stepped closer to her.

“I’m strong enough to hold on. I don’t need you telling me what I do with my baskets. Exy is the only thing I need.”

She tapped him with her racquet on the shoulder in challenge.

“Being alive isn’t just that, Kevin. It’s passion. It’s purpose, it’s joy. And everything else that is endlessly in between.”

He shoved her stick back with his palm, shrugging boredly.

“Exy is all of that and more. If you don’t think the same way, then what are you doing here?”

It came across more harshly than intended, but she took no offence. She seemed to consider it fairly, staring at him thoughtfully.

“Prioritising my reasons for being alive.”

He blinked, taken aback as he watched her spin around and go back out onto the court with Neil without a second glance.

None of them had learnt much about her in the last few weeks. They knew she lived with her mother, and that she was an executive assistant to a CEO of some global company. She gave them vague stories of her time in high school - but any time they neared the topics of her childhood to early teenage years, she slipped with ease around them, repinning questions back to them. What she had just said was the only real thread of her Kevin really had.

Although Andrew phased his indifference to her detached nature, he had gotten bored of her games, and decided by the end of the week, he would drag her out of the gates which she so tightly guarded herself with.

Knowing Andrew, this was going to go swimmingly. Not.

Chapter Text

Nearing the end of their first week back at studies, on the Thursday before the pre-season banquet at Edgar Allen, Andrew had decided the whole team would be going to Columbia.

As to how he could still stomach the place considering past events, Kevin didn’t know. His good memories must have been far more powerful than the negative ones. Likely because of Neil.

At their morning training, Wymack had them doing scrimmages as two teams. Jack and Sheena were once again on Amira, and she continued to ignore the pair entirely. Sheena had taken to amused smirks at her every tripping, and Jack spited her with insults and cold words.

“You’re not particularly good at fighting back, are you? Raised to be nice and docile, I suppose?”

Kevin was close enough to hear Jack’s leaching taunts, and he eyed Amira, who stayed silent as Dan, with Neil in tow, ascended on Jack.

They asked Wymack to let them deal with it, to further cement Neil’s authority alongside Dan, to which he agreed, watching cautiously from outer court. Kevin stood with Itzel, and she watched with narrowed eyes as Dan was yet again telling Jack and Sheena off.

“He will not last long here.” Kevin blinked at Itzel’s curt assessment, and she folded her arms as Jack pretended to obey Dan. Matt stood nearby with Aubrey and Nicky, who were both trying to calm Matt down from raging at Jack and Sheena’s disrespect toward Neil and Dan.

Aaron waltzed up to Itzel and Kevin, nodding at the situation. “Give Andrew an empty room and 10 minutes with them, and they’ll never do this shit again.”

Kevin pursed his lips, side eyeing Itzel’s tiny, hungry smile at that thought. Dan yelled at everyone to get back into position and restart the play, and Kevin readied himself beside Itzel. Wymack blew a whistle to begin, and Kevin watched Jack go for Amira again. She outstepped him this time and passed the ball to Kevin, and he barely outpaced Itzel before passing to Neil. He watched Neil score, lighting up the goal against Robin, who huffed sadly.

Neil clacked his racquet with Kevin, and they went through a few more drills without incident. Kevin eyed Jack every now and again, who now took to whispering his insults to Amira, and after 20 minutes, Amira suddenly stopped mid court with the ball. She dropped her racquet, the ball and peeled off her helmet. Wymack blew the whistle quickly to pause play, and Amira grabbed Jack’s net.

“Say that again. For everyone to hear, this time. Say it.”

It was loud, stiff, and so different to her usually quiet tones that everyone paused. Jack raised an eyebrow, a small, cold smile spreading across his face. “I don’t think that’s necessary when they already know –”

He grunted as Amira pulled him closer, and Kevin stepped forward, eyes narrowed at her shaking hands and dilated pupils. Neil and Dan whipped forward, but Amira held up her other hand to tell them to stay put. They both froze, but Kevin took up space just behind Neil.

“Tell them what you’re so bravely whispering to me every time you get in my face. Now.”

Her voice was heavy, laced with wavering control and Dan eyed Neil and Kevin uncertainly. Every Fox stood still, watching with wide eyes at how thick with tension the air had become. Jack’s smile never left, and he further closed the space between himself and Amira, putting them almost nose to nose. “Tell them yourself. They deserve to know what type of broken object they’re playing with.”

Amira’s neck twitched, and she suddenly stepped back, letting go. She looked to Dan and Neil, and Kevin flinched at how far removed she seemed from them at that moment. Wymack walked onto the court, Amira picking up her gear and facing him. “I need a break. Please.”

Wymack worked his jaw and gave a nod, letting Amira walk away, and Dan and Neil stared at Jack with heated frustration. Coach opened his mouth, but Amira’s voice carried across the court as she stopped and look back at Wymack. “I’m sorry, Coach.”

He waved a hand, not wanting it and they all watched her close the court door, and Wymack took a deep breath before speaking to Dan. “Continue the drills. Jack, we’ll talk later.”

Jack rolled his eyes at the inconvenience, and Neil opened his mouth to argue, but Wymack held up a hand. Dan bitterly turned away, grumbling for everyone to get back into position. For the next hour, they trained without her, and everyone was stony, silent. No one broke out in fights, just slammed their balls around the court with pent up frustration and anger at Jack’s bullying.

“I’m going to choke him.” This came from Neil, who came up beside Kevin with Itzel, panting breathlessly. Kevin only had thoughts about breaking Jack’s legs, but he kept that to himself.

“Won’t help. Tongue needs to be cut out.” Itzel walked away after that comment, leaving Kevin and Neil bewildered, but nodding in agreement.

As they continued on, Jack shifted his grievances on Neil, whose best attempts to not give it a second thought failed immediately. Neil’s speed helped him trip, shove and outmanoeuvre Jack with such ease that he gave up entirely, and started to use fists.

“Fuck you, you ugly, scarred asshole –”

Ringing sounded in Kevin’s ears, and even Sheena seemed off put by that. Everything happened then in quick succession – Neil ducking Jack’s punches, Matt and Andrew lurching forward at the same time, and the fire alarm setting off.

The sprinklers turning on full blast made everyone freeze, immediately soaking every single one of them to the bone.

“What the fuck –” Allison yelled, trying to protect her hair that poked out of her helmet. Kevin threw his hands up in the air impatiently, and Neil used the distraction to get to Andrew’s side. He started dragging him as far away from the court as possible, if only to prevent them all witnessing a live murder.

Wymack beckoned them off in a hurry. Kevin argued as Matt dragged him towards the door. “There isn’t even any smoke, for fuck sakes.”

“Can’t play on a wet court Kevin, you know this. C’mon.” Dan tapped his arm, frowning deeply at how wet they were and how blaring the alarm was. They followed Coach to the lounge to get Amira, but she wasn’t in sight. However, the smell of smoke wafting out of the men’s locker room had them all pausing.

It distracted Andrew enough from his rage that he eyed Kevin, and the pair pushed forward at the same time, ignoring Wymack telling them to stay out.

Andrew actually laughed at what they found, satisfaction plastered on his face as he folded his arms. He was examining Amira as if she were an undiscovered animal. “So that’s what lurks beneath it all.”

Kevin would have given Andrew a warning look, but his mouth fell open as the other Foxes piled in behind them.

Amira stood in front of the lockers, soaked to the bone with her racquet in hand, eyes blank. Destruction lay at her feet in shattered, smoking tatters. Kevin instantly knew whose locker had been assaulted. The door had been dented in several places, and dangled on by one hinge. The lock had been hit off and was on the other side of the room. His clothes had been shredded, and lay in a smoking heap, holes burnt through every single piece. His spare gear had been ripped apart, and his backup racquet lay in two halves on top of it all.

Wymack stood at the back with a tight lipped look. Amira looked at him and only him, blinking. “I said sorry.”

Wymack closed his eyes, willing patience back into himself, Dan wincing at his expression. Renee side eyed Allison and Matt with a grimace, and Nicky ogled in shock. Sheena’s eyes darted back and forth between Jack and the mess. But Jack seemed too stunned to move, as if not believing what he was seeing. But as soon as he saw Wymack’s face, he knew it was real.

Kevin rarely got involved in the off-court affairs of the team. He was always on the outskirts, keeping his mouth shut, staying to himself. He loathed it – it made him feel weak-willed, spineless.

Watching Jack now, he moved so fast, they barely had time to react. He had his hands on Amira’s jersey, slamming her back into the lockers, something in him clicked. He got in one punch, two into Amira’s jaw, before anyone could reach him.

Heat burst forth in Kevin’s gut, his body acting before his brain. He threw Jack off with one easy shove, stepping between them as Jack landed hard on his butt. Words left Kevin fast and scathing as he rattled down at Jack, who trembled in rage at his feet.

“This is the least you deserve after weeks of torment. You’re lucky she didn’t do worse. Try it one more time and I promise you will never be allowed on any exy team in this country ever again.”

Kevin was unsure what currently possessed him to display such bravado, which showed on the gaping faces of the Foxes. He knew Amira wouldn’t appreciate it, but he didn’t care. Jack raised himself on his elbows, trying to get back to his feet, but Kevin placed a foot impatiently on his torso, shoving him back down.

“Everyone, out, except you three.” he nodded at Amira, Kevin and Jack. “The fire department will be here shortly for the alarm. Neil, Dan, please handle them.”

The pair glanced at one another before ushering out their unwilling Foxes. Jack shoved at Kevin’s foot, but Coach held a hand out at him to stay put. He turned his eyes to Amira thoughtfully, then to Kevin, and they were far heavier than he was used to. “Take Amira back to Abby’s. Stay there until I can get over. Go.”

Kevin tried to find what was racing through Coach’s head, but couldn’t figure it out for the life of him. He glanced at Amira, who refused eye contact and walked ahead. She grabbed her keys from her locker, protecting them as best as possible with the still pouring sprinklers. They splashed their way out of the stadium, and Kevin watched as Dan and Neil now spoke to firefighters. The Foxes’ eyes stuck to them as Kevin walked with Amira to her car. She handed him the keys silently, and he got into the driver seat.

The drive to Abby’s was silent, and when they arrived, Amira reached for Abby’s hidden key tacked near a drain pipe. She tried to unlock the door, but her hands shook terribly. Kevin gave it a minute before snatching them, opening the door himself. She finally looked at him, and Kevin instantly saw why she had snapped.

Red rimmed eyes stared back at him, her neck veins protruding tightly against her skin. Her entire body seemed to be vibrating with pure, barely leashed anger. Kevin might have been alarmed if he wasn’t so used to Andrew, but he was. So he carefully took her elbow and steered her inside, closing the front door.

He guided her to the kitchen, both of them dripping water everywhere. Kevin watched her, head in her hands and nails digging into her scalp as she sank down onto a seat. He grabbed spare towels from the linen cupboard and came back, draping one on her back before wrapping one around himself, sitting back opposite her.

He kept his eyes on the wooden grain of the table, trying to wrap his head around what had occurred. Whatever Jack had said must have been really terrible to elicit such a reaction. But maybe she was just at the end of her tether – weeks of controlling herself from reacting at all led to an explosion.

But this type of anger was different. Where Andrew’s was brindled and weaponised with years of practice, hers was full of… shame, self-loathing. It bottled until it erupted into something she clearly couldn’t control. And here she was, exposed to the bone.

She had closed her eyes, mumbling indecipherably beneath her breath. Kevin narrowed his eyes, unsure how to be of use to her, or what Coach expected him to do. So he did the only thing he thought might get her attention. “I would play tennis, I think.”

It worked instantly. Curiosity never fades, he supposed, finally answering her question from the other week. She rubbed her wet eyes and looked up. He quickly pushed on before her dark, devastated gaze could deter him. “It’s calculating, speedy, requires a lot of skill. So if I didn’t play exy, I would probably play that.”

Her stare was endless, and his stomach churned at how own lame attempts at helping. “Your footwork was 1% better today than the last couple of weeks. The night training seems to be having a good but slow effect.”

He cleared his throat at her blanking gaze, unsure if he should continue. He felt himself raking his nails up and down his forearms beneath the table to still his mind. “Neil only took a few weeks to start seeing improvements, and you seem to be catching on at an acceptable pace.”

He moved his tongue around his mouth before biting his cheeks. Her hollow stare was unwavering, and he kept droning on about her skills and areas of improvement until Wymack arrived. He felt his body release its anxious weight when he entered the kitchen, but his grim expression didn’t fully ease him. Wymack stared at the two, his arm twitching at the forming bruise on Amira’s face. He himself was still soaking wet and sank into the seat beside Kevin, eyes on Amira.

“Are you getting rid of me Coach?”

Kevin blinked at the mousiness, and Wymack rolled his eyes. “No. Takes a lot more than that for me to have to get rid of someone. You need to tell me what he said to you, because he refused to tell me.”

He gave her a knowing expression, and she looked away. Wymack nodded for Kevin to leave the room, and he stood, but Amira did too. They stared at one another for an age before she spoke. “He called me a used child whore.”

It took everything in Kevin to prevent a physical reaction. Uncomfortable, unfamiliar heat screamed inside him to make sure Jack didn’t even dare look in her direction again. He wasn’t sure where that thought came from, but he quickly pushed it away. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Wymack’s fists clenching in his lap, but his face was level, even.

“You are none of those things Amira. If you take anyone’s word on it, let it be mine. I will get him to apologise –”

“No. I don’t want it. Because he won’t mean it. You know he won’t. I need only one thing.”

Wymack frowned, but nodded for her to continue. She swallowed slowly, turning her gaze to the floor. “Can you keep this incident off my school records?”

He considered her a moment before nodding. “I don’t need two pyros on this team. Sheena is enough to handle. If you’re at a point like that again, you need to speak to me. I told you I would be here if you needed that. So take me up on it, yeah?”

She stared at him for an eternity, pushing limp, wet hair from her eyes and left to go upstairs without another word. Wymack stared at where she sat, willing the empty space to come up with a solution to all of his Fox problems. Kevin felt frozen, unsure how he was supposed to keep functioning after that.

“I’ll take you back to the dorms. Come on.”

Wymack stood, and Kevin obediently followed, if only not to have to think for a few moments. It was a wordless drive, and only when he pulled up to the curb did Wymack open his mouth again. “Do you have any concerns?”

He turned his body to face him, folding his arms across his chest. “You knew about this part of her, didn’t you?”

Wymack gave nothing away, but that was answer enough for Kevin in itself, so he continued. “He called her that because he knows something, I assume?”

Wymack gave a slow, grim nod of his head, exhaling deeply. “Abby says he researched her background after them butting heads at her place. Do you know about it?”

Kevin shook his head slowly, keeping his eyes ahead. “Her past doesn’t matter to me as long as she can play. My only concern is keeping Jack’s behaviour off the court. How much longer are you going to hold onto hope that you can fix him?”

Wymack frowned at that, eyebrows furrowing as he studied Kevin. “No one has given him a second chance, Kevin. I have to keep trying.”

Kevin looked at his aging father then, wishing he cared less. About the Foxes, about their problems, about them. But he never would. And it was likely no one would ever tell him not to. “Not everyone deserves second chances.”

Kevin’s racketing heart got him out of the car in a hurry, and he didn’t dare take another look back at the disappointed look in Wymack’s eye.

–

Kevin made Neil, Amira and Andrew still attend their night training that evening. At 10pm, they got to the court, which had been cleaned and okayed by the fire department for use. None of them had even greeted one another when Amira came onto the court, as Andrew strode on with a gleaming eye that Kevin only knew as some sort of plan.

When he opened his mouth, he spoke to all of them, but primarily addressed Amira, whose jaw was plum with bruising.

“We’re going to Columbia tomorrow night. We’ll stay there and Coach will pick us up before heading to West Virginia for the banquet. Whole team is coming. We’re leaving at 7pm tomorrow. We need your car so we can fit everyone. Don’t be late.”

He said it as if it was something everyone had already agreed to, and Amira furrowed her brows. She looked far better than she had that morning, but the remnants of her rage left her looking drained, exhausted.

Instead of moving to start training, she peeled off her helmet and goggles, shaking her head at Andrew. Kevin went to chastise the delay, but faulted when she spoke.

“Andrew. I know what you do in Columbia. To people new to you. I can’t do what you’re asking of me.”

It was the most firm, assertive she had sounded, despite how faint it came off her lips. Neil watched as Andrew paused his walking, turning back toward her. He hadn’t yet put his helmet on, but instead put that and his racquet down and placed a hand on Amira’s neck, pulling her toward him slowly. The blackness in his eyes said he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“I wasn’t asking. You are coming. Your other option is I get you kicked from this team. So pick wisely.”

Kevin put his helmet down cautiously at what was unfolding. He wasn’t sure he could get away with intervening on Amira’s behalf again, or with Andrew’s methodologies, but something in him wanted to anyways. Neil watched too, but didn’t move, clearly more trusting of Andrew’s intentions. Kevin looked between them, and it became evident they had a private conversation about this, which irked Kevin more than it should have.

Amira’s eyes hardened at Andrew, and she slowly brought her hand up to where his fingers rested on her neck. She closed her eyes and went to pry his fingers off, but he refused to let go, instead tightening his grip. She sighed, dropping her hand back to her side.

“Andrew. If you want to claw your fingers into my brain, my past, whatever it is that helps you to maintain your control, fine. My grief is a commodity. It always has been. Right now, I’ll use it for peace. I’ll tell you everything right now, and still come to Colombia. But don’t make me do it Friday, make it a public spectacle. I can’t do it.”

She said it in an almost whisper, conserving her energy to ensure she still had a way to breathe under Andrew’s harsh grip.

“Don’t make me beg Andrew, I really, truly hate begging.”

Her voice held steady until the end, where it cracked, a wheeze of panic seeping through. Something jumbled inside Kevin at the sound. Andrew’s grip tightened again, and her breathing became sharper, quicker.

“Then don’t be a beggar, Amira.”

Andrew remained unmoving in his grip, eyes locked on Amira still. She didn’t respond, her breath quickening under his fingers, which continued to tighten. Her eyes watered at the grip, and Kevin stood frozen for what felt like an eternity. He should step in, do something. But she hated when people did that, so he stayed where he was.

Kevin didn’t know if it was stubbornness or trust in Andrew not killing her that made her stay put. Finally, he let go. She didn’t cry, didn’t bend over or run, but stood there, evening her breaths out until they became normal again. She finally looked up at Andrew, who nodded at her. She moved slowly, off court and signalled for them to meet her in the lounge area.

Kevin watched with a frown, all of them peeling off their gear as they followed. Neil and Andrew sat on the long couch, Kevin sitting on Neil's other side. Normally, Kevin would be irritated about the interruption to training, but he knew if he said a word about it to Andrew, that he too would get a choking. Amira had disappeared, but came back a short moment later, holding a bucket. Andrew raised his eyebrows at it but didn’t question it, watching as she sat opposite them, her face transforming into the same lifeless, empty facade she had whenever she came back from a session with Bee.

“I will say this once, but I will not say it again. You can tell the rest of the team, but I can’t do it myself. Where do you want me to start?”

She directed this at Andrew, and her voice was croaky, heavy with something she was restricting, keeping inside herself. She sat on a chair opposite them, placing the bucket on the floor between her feet. She wrung her hands together, one leg bouncing as she stared not at them, but through them, as if mentally leaving the room to protect some part of herself whilst she told this story.

Kevin hated this, the look in her eyes, the visceral bodily reaction she was having. What had gone so horribly wrong to make her like this? Kevin’s insides were churning, a hot and slithering pool of discomfort.

Andrew asked one word, with enough weight to it that Kevin immediately caught what he was implying. The anxious pounding that he had so successfully numbed with vodka came reverberating back inside of him.

“Who?”

Amira stared, a silent understanding passing between them before she averted her eyes, unable to have anyone see how shattered she was inside.

“Drug bosses my father worked for. It was such an odd thing, to have someone who was so kind, so gentle give you away like that. I guess when you’re young and lack perception, you’re so gullible. But more likely to keep a secret.”

She wavered, digging her nails into her thighs. Kevin struggled to watch this unfold, yet refused to take his eyes off of her as she spoke.

“My mother, at the start of her career, travelled a lot for work. She was the breadwinner, my father was a mechanic. He worked at a shop that fronted for drug trade. With my maa gone all the time, I was left with my pita.”

She took a breath, but her voice came apart the more she spoke, more shaky and weak than he had ever heard from her mouth.

“He used to only assist in selling, moving product, never using. Until he did. That’s always the way, isn’t it? That slippery descent into wondrous existence only drugs can give. He desperately wanted to earn the trust of people with more power, money and influence than him. His desperation was a seeping poison. Drugs are a very... Give and take world. He loses his sanity, they gain his money. He seeks more power, he lends me out like a doll to be toyed, played with, ruined.”

Her eyes became wet but she refused to let a tear out, squeezing her eyes shut. She bent over the bucket, now twining her fingers around her neck as if to prevent herself from falling apart.

“So that is how I became.. Essentially pimped out. For business deals, evening entertainment, gatherings. It started when I was 8 and ended when I was 13.”

The last sentence came out a croak, and Kevin now understood why she had the bucket. She reached for it with a familiarity no one should have, and gagged, heaving up her dinner. She coughed, spat it out, wiped her mouth with a tissue, all mechanical. She was hardwired to this, holding the bucket to her chest, chin resting atop it. The normality of her routine with this, the words that were coming out of her mouth, Kevin thought he was going to be sick himself.

If this is what Jack had been whispering to her for the past few weeks, he couldn’t believe she had held together so well. He took a moment to glance at Andrew, who had wiped all emotion from his face. Neil was stiff beside him, but his eyes remained focused on Amira, who had still not looked at any of them.

“My father really doted on my mum and I... She never knew. He was so good at hiding it - so good at manipulating me and my mother. Maa thought I was the light of his world. He said what he did with me was our secret... That my mother would die, cease to exist if she ever knew. I obeyed what he said because I trusted him. And my mother, she did die, the day she found out. It broke her so completely I thought I had lost both my parents. I was 13, at school, and I was really ill. My mother had a rare day at home, and my dad was at the workshop, so she came and collected me from the school nurse. Brought me to the doctor. The sound of her finding out I was pregnant, and how it had happened – I hear that sound every night in my sleep. Every single night.”

At this point, she was trembling so bad Kevin thought she was having a medical fit. She drooled over the bucket, heaving, coughing and throwing up bile, and Kevin couldn’t stand it. He felt himself shaking at this point, rage coursing through his veins. He wasn’t sure where it had come from, but he went to stand to help her, and Andrew stood as soon as he did, shoving Kevin back down on the couch.

“Let her finish.”

It was so cold, rooted in the familiarity of shared experience that Kevin paused. He glanced at Amira, who refused to look up but held a hand up weakly, obeying him to stay put. He stilled himself, his leg pressing hard against Neil’s.

“That's why I can’t stay in the dorms. I struggle sleeping in a room with other people. I um.. Get nightmares. The same ones over and over. Of me in those dark rooms with those people. Sometimes I’m me now, sometimes me then, sometimes me older. And it’s me just - reliving it. Sometimes I think I’m enjoying it, maybe I deserved it, other times I feel their weight, so heavy and I can’t breathe.” She struggled here, unable to go further on the topic, letting the contents of her stomachs up into the bucket.

“I used to take medication to put me in such a deep sleep, I probably seemed dead - but it drowsed me out during the day. I couldn’t play properly. I begged Wymack to make it work for me to join here. He said the dosage of my medication was so heavy it would be considered an unallowable amount in the eyes of the ERC. So I went off them, and I have to see Dobson everyday. I’ve had psych’s before but… I think I am going to allow myself the stupid hope that maybe she can help me at least be able to sleep in a room with other people at some point this year.”

She sounded miserable, utterly defeated. After that, she looked up to them all, her eyes deadened. Honesty was such an ugly demon, sucking the life of those it tortured. Kevin stared back, willing himself to give her even an ounce of his own strength. Watching her say all of this, whilst falling apart at the seams, but not quite letting herself fully go – it was rare to see a will as strong as this. Andrew stood up then, moving forward and took the bucket out of her hands. He crouched down in front of her with a look so far away from here, Kevin wondered if he knew where he was.

“Go get your gear back on. Can’t be wasting any more of poor Kevin’s time. He can’t make a star out of someone with terrible footwork.”

It came out flat, but the firmness of his words seemed to steady her somewhat.

“Are you satisfied, Andrew? Does it give you the control you so desperately have to cling to?”

She was dangerously quiet, but he was quieter. He smiled oddly, and he seemed quite far away from them all in that moment.

“Not my fault you walk around without a leash & collar. If you weren’t so busy brown-nosing everyone, this wouldn’t be happening.”

Kevin knew Andrew’s distrust of strangers was high, but he seemed extra weary of Amira and her secrets. She twitched a little and gave the barest shrug. “It’s called survival, Andrew. It might do you well to think how different it is for someone who looks like me as opposed to someone who looks like you.”

Kevin’s stomach lurched at that. At how still, blank Andrew went. She slowly got up, went to get the bucket, but Andrew took it before she could. She watched him carefully before leaving for the change rooms. Andrew glanced back at Neil and Kevin, instructed them to gear up and left to clean the mess.

Kevin found it hard to move, and only did so when Neil grabbed his arm and dragged him to his feet. Kevin felt Neil’s eyes trying to read him, but Kevin’s best to hide it didn’t quite work – Neil was too good at reading people.

“You have to be a rock for people who have.. Gone through what they have. Let them flow over you, under you, around you. Let them guide you along with them. It’s slow, it takes time, but they’ll start to bring you with them to wherever they are trying to go.”

Neil wasn’t always one for words like this. It was rare he spoke this way. It was more how the Foxes spoke to Neil last year – with hope, urging for something better. It seemed to have successfully rubbed off on him. Kevin nodded slowly, moving away without a word. He geared up, ensuring to scull some vodka. He needed his mind stilled enough to focus entirely on training. If he thought too long about the information he now held, about the fact that Jack had been pricking her with it day after day, he thought he would break apart everything in his path.

He headed back to the court and stood outside the door, staring at Amira, who was already out on the floor. She had her gear on and was standing alone in the middle of the court. With the moonlight basking through the higher up windows, the bright lights swarming the court, she glowed underneath them, despite her pale face and weakened stature. Kevin knew he had to go harder than ever on her tonight. She wouldn’t accept any less of him. Watching her there, a moment of silent peace under the bright lights, he hoped she was ready.

He wasn’t going to ease up on her. Not now, not ever.

–

Sleep escaped Kevin that night. After training, he took to sitting on the roof of Fox tower, cradling and crooning a bottle of vodka shamelessly. He had too many thoughts, too much anger to think of sleeping. He let the hours pass in silence, churning through conversations, plans, ideas to.. To what?

To help Amira? To fix her? That wasn’t his job, he couldn’t do that, she was responsible for herself. Dobson was already helping her, but he couldn’t let go of what Neil had said. Be a rock.

He couldn’t stand the stillness, the buzzing need to do something in his chest. He knew if he went back to the Court, he wouldn’t leave, and Coach would have a say in his staying up all night. No one could play well if they were exhausted. Admittedly, himself included. Finally, he decided to pick up his phone. Coach had made everyone put in the new Foxes’ numbers. Amira’s sat at the top of his contact list. He stared at his blaring white screen for what felt like eternity, before clicking into her contact, and hitting the text button. Useful words escaped him, so all he sent was:

awake?

He waited minutes, doubting why he did it. It was a stupid, unnecessary thing and at the end of the day, he didn’t actually care. Did he?

He waited a little too long and decided she must have been asleep. He slowly stood to go to bed, struggling with the slosh of alcohol in his body, but his phone buzzed in his hand.

yes - cant stop thinking about my awful footwork. twisting and turning :P

Kevin snorted, surprised that she was being humorous after the events of the night. He wasn’t sure what to reply, but thankfully she did it for him.

Coach lent me tapes of the other class I teams. ive been studying them for the ball. watching the Trojans. Jeremy is really good – come watch?

Kevin hated his weakness for the Trojans. His admiration for them would never end, at least as long as Jeremy was captain. If Jeremy was at the ball – so was Jean. He had pushed Jean so far to the back of his mind in the last few weeks he wasn’t sure how he would face him. He stared at the screen a moment, before tapping in a response.

be over soon

Kevin sighed, staring at his ¾ empty bottle. He stood, and realised maybe he had drunk far quicker than anticipated. He clambered downstairs, deciding his quickest way to Abby’s would be to run. He had no car of his own, he should probably change that. The vodka was a surprisingly good fuel for the energy he desperately needed to burn. Despite his current inability to run in a straight line, and not being anywhere near as fast as Neil, he managed to get to Abby’s in 15 minutes. When he got to the door, he swayed breathlessly before knocking. Amira opened it slightly a few seconds later.

She had her hair out, and glasses on, the sound of old games playing in the background. She nodded him inside, wearing a Palmetto State t-shirt and pyjama bottoms. The shadows on her eyes and bloodshot eyes gave away that she wasn’t sleeping tonight either.

“Don’t start looking at me like that.”

He raised a brow, waving a hand at her to explain. She seemed to be chewing the inside of her cheeks, averting her gaze when she opened her mouth again.

“Like I’m – damaged.”

He winced a bit and scolded himself, but kept as cool a facade as possible. “You are damaged. Otherwise you wouldn’t be on this team. None of us would. You aren’t special. Are we going in or not?”

She looked him up and down, lost but accepting his reply and shuffled to the lounge room. She had a plate of cookies and a notebook open. Kevin looked up and saw Jeremy on the screen, playing an old game against the Binghamton Bearcats. He looked as he always did: energised, excited and happy to be on the court. Amira sunk down to the floor, crossed her legs and used the coffee table as a desk. She was writing notes about each player, analysing not just their movements, but also their personalities, their relationships to one another.

Kevin was unsure where to sit, but Amira seemed to read his mind, and patted the ground beside her, slowly pushing a cushion over for him to sit on.

“Can you read through these? Tell me if I’m on the right track? That’s if you’re not too intoxicated.”

She stared at him through her glasses, and he froze a little at the mention of the alcohol, not thinking that he probably smelled very strongly of it. She didn’t seem to expect an explanation, so he decided not to reply. Instead, he looked at her face, watching some of her hair falling in her eyes. His hand twitched to touch it, the glossy, soft strands that curtained her head. He shook that thought from his brain, sitting down beside her and stretching his legs out under the table. He grabbed her notes and spread them open in front of him, his eyebrows widening at her messy scrawl.

“Your handwriting is abysmal. Toddler quality.”

Kevin meant it to be mean, judgemental, but his stomach flickered as she gave out a surprised, short giggle. He glanced at her then back at the writing in disapproval. She pushed her pen into his hand, tapping her finger on the page.

“Surely yours is not any better. Go on.”

She shuffled a little closer, and Kevin could see the fatigue in her face then - dark circles, puffy skin, bloodshot eyes. He bit his lips, turning his attention to the biro and pressed his pen to the paper. It was an odd thing that Kevin prided himself in his handwriting so much - it was likely a mix of growing up learning not only English writing skills, but also Hiragana and Kanji.

He wrote her name - Amira Choundury - then his own - Kevin Day.

Amira raised her eyebrows in surprise, and smiled, reaching down and touching the writing, as if it was a beautiful insect.

“Mr Fancy Pants over here - were you born in the 1800s or something, Lord Day?” She taunted, and Kevin side eyed her with indifference, before taking back the pages and going through her study. She shuffled even closer, and pointed out bits about each player that she wanted to make sure were correct, whilst switching between different tapes of the games. He wasn’t sure how drunk he was, but his blood was pumping through him at a million miles an hour. He made a note to himself only to drink before bed, so as not to keep him so jittery at night.

They stayed up like this until it was time for training at 5am, Kevin talking her ear off analytically about every single team, and every single player. He could talk exy endlessly, and she let him, absorbing it all like a sponge. The pair of them ate their way through the entire plate of cookies. Kevin hated that he liked them so much - he was usually one to watch what he ate, but after his first bite, he couldn’t resist. He blamed the vodka.

He avoided talking about the Ravens, and she didn’t press on him either. But he knew she wanted him to before the ball, as she had a whole notebook just on them. He knew he shouldn’t be indulging in her questions and queries, but some weird part of him couldn’t help it. It was refreshing to have no responding judgements about himself, and that she had an actual desire to understand his exy knowledge. He couldn’t quite tell how genuine she was being, but it felt good anyways.

So they indulged in one another’s wistful desires, if only to feel peace for one belated evening.

Chapter Text

Amira went to get dressed for training early, so that she could drive Kevin back to the dorms to get ready. She seemed unsure about coming up with him, but decided to ascend the tower nonetheless, watching him unlock the door and entering behind him.

The very gentlest of early morning light started to twinkle in through the windows. The beanbags they played games on were a lumpy, sprawled mess, and the wires and controls from gaming systems sat in odd places. There were used cups and random sport equipment laid everywhere. Amira moved around curiously soaking in the normality she missed out on, the sad wistfulness of an average college experience. She moved towards the desks, and sat atop Kevin’s.

She looked through his book collection again, and slipped out another history book from his pile. He nodded at her silent question to borrow it, and she slipped it into her bag. Kevin watched her, yawning and shoving his hands in the pockets of his shorts. He could hear the beginning of the others getting ready, and walked over to the desk, tapping on it gently.

“Need anything?”

Hospitality wasn’t his strong point, it was usually Nicky or Aaron doing this, and he suddenly felt an odd sense of embarrassment at the mess in the room. But she didn’t seem to care, only seemed happy to be there. She shook her head at his question, and began to thumb through the book.

He watched her for a short moment, the way the early rays of light made her skin glow. He bit his lip and quickly turned, walking off into the bedroom. His eyes widened at Andrew, Neil and Nicky standing there, all staring at him.

“What?” Kevin queried as he peeled off his t-shirt, and started to swap to his Fox uniform. He would have loved a shower, but he knew he was pressed for time.

“Where were YOU all night? And who were you talking to out there? We haven’t even started term and you are managing to slut out?” Nicky asked, smirking curiously and heading for the door. Kevin put an arm out to block his way, and pushed Nicky back, shaking his head at him.

“It’s just Amira. Do not be your loudmouth self at this time of morning. It’s unbearable.”

Nicky gaped, and Neil raised his eyebrows. Neil and Andrew glanced at each other but said nothing. Neil moved past Kevin to head out. Nicky started rapid fire questioning him, and Kevin mostly tuned it out and ignored him, except when he said something about bets.

“Wait - wait - what bets?” Kevin asked, Nicky laughing at him like he was an idiot.

“Well, let’s see, there’s a few. Betting who would fuck one of the new players first, seeing which one of the new players would get the most under your skin, bets for all of their sexualities – probably more but I’m not fully conscious.”

A white hot anger erupted in Kevin, and he turned to Nicky, who was digging around for his wallet, and still looking amused.

“Kevin man, you have lost me so much money. It was meant to be Allison - I thought she’d go for Jack, just for fun, but then you swoop in and fuck Amira? I thought she was straight, but maybe she’s bi - so maybe I could still win money. I have to tell Aaron, I can’t believe we bet on Jack to –”

Nicky grunted as Kevin shoved him up against his dresser, his eyes livid. Nicky squirmed under him, trying to shove back but Kevin refused to let him move.

“We did not sleep together. Get that out of your fucking head and do not put any more bets on me fucking her. Understand Nicky? Tell the others too.”

The coldness in his voice was so sharp, even Nicky fell silent. Nicky looked to Andrew, who shrugged boredly. Andrew peeled Kevin off of Nicky, dusting off his bare shoulders and tutting at him.

“Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. We all know you need a good fucking, stomping around like an angry asshole all the time. You should probably resolve that. But it isn’t Nicky’s problem. It was simply an incorrect assumption. We all know your stupidly high standards, a Fox would never meet them. Go get ready for training.”

Kevin scowled at Andrew, but grabbed his stuff and moved off to get ready. He barely had time to scull more liquid from his flask, and went out to join the others. Neil stood opposite where Amira was, talking to her keenly about the day of training ahead. Nicky glared at Kevin, pissed about his shitty morning attitude. Kevin’s body fought to just give up and go back to bed, but Neil summoned everyone down to the cars. Amira went to her own, but this time, Neil went with her.

He watched her go, taking his eyes off of her only when she had driven away. He ignored Andrew’s studying eyes on him as he started the car and headed to the court.

The training session was a nightmare to get through. His fatigue didn’t bode well with the lingering, thudding headache that the vodka had started to leak into his body.

Naturally, Wymack decided to smash them hard on the last session before tomorrow, and by the end, everyone was collapsed in heaps around the court, puffing and nearing unconsciousness. Wymack walked amongst them all, hands on his hips and a stern look in his eye.

“I know you’re all going to Columbia tonight. Andrew has kindly assured me it was not a part of his initiation bullshit BUT – if I hear one word – one word – that you monsters have done something stupider than the shit you’ve already done, you are finished. Be up and ready at 7am tomorrow at that stupid house. Whoever isn’t, I will drag you, store you in the luggage compartment and leave you at Edgar Allen. Now peel yourselves off the floor and get out of my sight.”

Matt stood first, starting by helping Dan up, and when Nicky pouted and put his arms in the air for help too, Matt groaned, waddling to help Nicky, then Renee, then just about everyone off the floor. This ended with them all in a relative fit of tired, delusional laughter.

Once up, everyone dispersed to change out. Amira went to Andrew, chatting in soft undertones and placed something in his palm. She left shortly after, looking as tired as Kevin felt, their up-all-night study having fried their brains. Kevin wondered what her and Andrew had passed between them, but wasn’t bothered to ask.

After classes, the Foxes napped, readying for the big night ahead. Dan ran in and out of Matt’s dorm, then the monster’s dorm, ensuring they had no plans of ruining the night. Andrew repeatedly told her to get out, and after a 3rd time of her knocking on the door, he had it locked and ignored her altogether.

By the time it rolled around to leave, Fox tower was buzzing with activity. It had finally filled with students prior to the start of semester, brimming with chatter, people going out for drinks, to pre-semester parties.

Nicky, Neil, Andrew and Kevin walked into the hallway, all of them wearing their usual variations of black on black. Kevin didn’t mind it, he was so used to the black uniforms from Edgar Allen. But he had something different packed for the banquet tomorrow night. Something to stand out against the soul–sucking aura of EAU.

Matt and Neil joined them, Neil sporting his black clothes Andrew gifted him last year, and Matt in denim jeans, a branded tee & silver necklace. The girls poured out to join them, and the variation in outfits always confused Kevin. How could they handle so many colours?

Allison wore a bright purple dress, tight to the skin, with stilettos, huge hoops and bright make-up. Dan wore a shimmering orange 2 piece top and skirt, that glowed against her dark brown skin. Robin was more casual, wearing a long skirt and button up shirt with chunky, thick sandals, whilst Renee wore a fluttery, pink halter dress. Sheena seemed to take to the girls a little more today, as she stood with them, head to toe in torn black fabrics and glittering metals. Itzel wore a leopard print skirt and black crop top, and Aubrey waddled out from behind Matt in shorts and a shirt. Jack had put on his best, wearing slacks and a loosened button up with suspenders. What an ugly eyesore they all were.

Andrew stepped forth in front of them all, holding up a set of car keys that weren’t his own.

“I’ll be driving Amira’s car – Matt, Kevin, Neil, with me. Renee’s driving mine, Jack’s car and Matt’s truck is free. I don’t give a fuck what the rest of you do. Just make sure you keep up.”

He moved without another word, and Matt’s eyes lit up with excitement at going in Amira’s car. Everyone followed in a single file down the stairs, chattering as they headed out to the cars. Andrew glanced at his watch, which had just ticked to 7pm, and Amira pulled up right at that moment. She reversed parked her car and stepped out, and Kevin’s face twitched at the sight before them.

She wore a matching dark blue denim set, the skirt in a pleated tennis style, and the top a tight, low cut vest. She had knee high boots on, and her hair hung around her waist, the front pinned back by a variety of golden clips. For the past few weeks, all she had been wearing was baggy shirts and jorts and her Foxes uniform in rotation. This was easier on the eye than the others, objectively that is, and Kevin knew if he didn’t break his staring then, he probably never would.

Allison squealed in excitement, bounding up to her and started touching her all over.

“This is so hot! I have to borrow this - oh fuck - what is that?!” She asked, suddenly alarmed, placing a hand gently on Amira’s shoulder.

None of them had noticed with her hair a blanket over her shoulders and chest, but as Allison pushed it out of the way, it unveiled purpley-red wine stained splotches on her skin, splattering some of her shoulder, chest and arm. Amira laughed and shook her head.

“Just a really big birthmark. Nothing bad – thanks for the concern though.” She seemed a lot more alive than she had been last night, as if it had never happened. Kevin’s eyes disobediently observed her long legs, her birthmark, her hair. That long, shining hair. Kevin frowned and shoved his hands in his pockets, clearing his throat and moved forward.

“Are we growing gray or leaving?” Everyone nodded, squabbling final details before heading in groups to each car. Andrew got in the driver’s seat of Amira’s car, and she stopped at the passenger side, turning back to Kevin, fixing up her glasses on her face. With her heeled boots on, she was more eye to eye with Kevin, and whatever attempt at keeping his thoughts on track completely derailed.

“Word on the street is that you’re a passenger princess – do you want the front? I have one very strict condition of it, though.” She smiled at him, leaning against the car with folded arms, looking like a Fast & Furious flag bearer. Matt and Neil climbed in the back, Matt speaking a million miles an hour to Andrew about the car, but Kevin heard none of it in lieu of what was in front of him.

Kevin almost forgot to respond and flinched when Andrew leaned over and started banging on the window for them to hurry up and get in.

“What’s the condition?” He asked through narrowed eyes, and she opened the passenger door, reaching in and showing him the glove compartment. It was full of CD pouches, dozens of them, and she grinned back at Kevin.

“Don’t be a shit MC. Think you can handle that, Day?” She glanced back up at him, her eyes testing and taunting. His stomach knotted.

“Yes, I can. C’mon.” He cleared his throat, moving around the door and stood almost nose to nose with her, slowing for just a moment in that position before sliding inside the car. Amira closed the door, climbed in beside Neil who sat in the middle, and with barely a second to spare, Andrew had started the car, and sped out of the car park. Kevin quickly picked a CD, saw Queen and put it in the player. The smile on Andrew’s face seemed to greatly amuse Amira and Matt, who whooped and laughed at his erratic driving. Kevin was so used to it that he simply sat back with crossed arms, taking occasional sips from his flask. Neil was smiling, soaking in the joy on Andrew’s lit up face as he sped, and probably broke every traffic law in South Carolina.

Once Andrew reached the highway, he slowed just enough to make sure the others had somewhat kept up, before speeding off again. His driving was quick, and calculated. He never felt worried with Andrew and his speeding, just more so of other idiots on the road.

Amira winded her window down, and Kevin glanced in the rearview mirror as her hair became a whipping mess around her. Andrew opened his a bit to even out the wubbing of the wind that scratched their ears. He pointed a hard look back at her, and she only shrugged.

“I don’t like the windows up.”

Andrew side eyed Kevin at that, but Matt and Amira had moved on, speaking animatedly about the car. When Matt asked about how she came to own it, Kevin watched her turn her gaze out the window.

“It was kinda a real piece of junk when I got it, but um – my partner at the time, she worked at her dad’s garage. He was a bit of an asshole, she needed a project car, something to get actual accreditation on as an apprentice but he refused to buy her something. She was barely making money. I had a job on a local farm, it wasn’t much but mum paid for half once I had enough. Then Soph got it back in good condition, passed her testing and here we are.”

Kevin kept his eyes on the road as she spoke, not daring to look at Andrew, who he knew was glancing between the road and his face to see his reaction. Matt listened intently, his arm resting behind Neil as he relaxed in the seat.

“That is so cool – how lucky is that! And what happened to Miss Soph hey?” Matt winked, and Amira laughed feebly. Kevin could feel her shaking knee through the chair, and it was only slightly less irritating than the present conversation.

“Ah, it was a high school thing… I was hard to be around back then. I wasn’t great with people. Where she was outgoing I was just inside myself. It frustrated her, so she broke up with me. I dated another guy for a bit after that but um.. He was the controlling, jealous type. I mistook it for protectiveness and uh… I’m not so lucky on the dating front.”

She wave a hand absently, but Kevin saw the glazing distance in her eyes at the opening up. He pursed his lips, watching her dull & pale in the wing mirror as Matt nodded thoughtfully, placing his chin on top of Neil’s head so he could look at her. Kevin allowed himself only a little more of a glimpse before turning his eyes back on the road, taking another sip from his flask. It felt good not to have to hide it with the excuse of a night out. It was beneficial now to drown out the current conversation, as something bitter & acidic had started to curl around in his brain.

“Well – you have a super fresh start here at Palmetto. I know Aaron could probably connect you to some Vixens - and I know Allison is in with the soccer players. If you ever changed your mind on your dating ventures.”

Matt winked teasingly, and Amira shook her head, tapping her fingers erratically on her thighs.

“I came here for the exy – that’ll be the only date I’ll be having while I'm here.”

Matt gave her a joking shove, leaning forward and snatching Kevin’s flask. He brought it to Amira’s hand, and she smiled gratefully, taking it from him. She took a long sip, screwing up her face.

“Your taste in liquor is really bad Kevin.” She coughed, reaching both her arms around the passenger seat, handing him the flask and pointing at the glove compartment. Kevin made careful movements to avoid touching her skin, and bit his cheeks as her arms waved around in front of him.

“Can you dig around for the Maroon 5, please? Need a change of pace.”

Andrew groaned at the choice, Amira smirking. Kevin did as she said without question, changing the CD and quickly guzzling the rest of the vodka, hoping the trip would go faster than his thinning patience.

–

Amira happily spent the rest of the ride talking to Matt & Andrew about cars the whole time, and before they knew it, they were all ushered into the biggest booth at Sweeties.

It was far squisher than comfortable, and the loudness of everyone was unbearable. Kevin wished he had a drink, but settled for the cracker dust that Aaron had ordered. Kevin reached for it without a second thought, Aaron, Nicky, Aubrey, Jack and Sheena also doing so. Andrew slid some to Robin and Itzel, who both frowned at it. Robin stared at Andrew, and they seemed to be having some sort of odd, silent argument, in which Robin eventually gave in and took it. Itzel’s deadly glare was a match for Andrews’. Kevin saw she was trembling, and it took Neil pulling the dust away for Andrew to give it up. Matt glared daringly at Andrew, reminded of his own experience with Andrew and dusting. Neil quickly obtained peace, joining in unwillingly to the conversation Allison had started. Kevin glanced a look at Amira, who was looking at him. Kevin licked the dust off his palm slowly. She watched him do it, her eyes flitting to his mouth before turning away.

Kevin swallowed the dust and cleared his throat, turning to pay attention to the current argument Nicky was now having with Renee about Halloween.

“Nicky, I am absolutely telling you – Neil would be Dash, without a second doubt. And Andrew would be Violet - and yes I am aware they will be dressed as siblings thank you, but no one encompasses that Violet nature as much as Andrew. Kevin would be that stupid ugly baby Jack-Jack. And you Nicky, would not make a good Mr Incredible, it would have to be Aaron, and you would have to be Mrs Incredible. End of story.”

Kevin gaped at Renee, Dan and Allison laughing uncontrollably at the image.

“Why would I be the baby?! Nicky would be! Neil doesn’t even know what The Incredibles are, so why would he be Dash?” Kevin argued with Renee, and Nicky scoffed in offence, throwing a napkin at Kevin.

“Shut up Kevin, I’m clearly the hotter of the two of us. Although if you still ever want to change your mind on me, we can unite to make one super hot power couple.”

Kevin groaned and rolled his eyes at Nicky, shaking his head but Jack was the one that suddenly piped up.

“Must you really go about your fag activites at the dinner table? I’d like to enjoy my food without being sick.” It was a sour, irritated comment, and Nicky simply laughed at him. Matt picked up a fork out of anger, but it was Dan who spoke first, her hand absent-mindedly going to Matt’s wrist, holding him still.

“Watch your mouth, Jack. That shit is not tolerated on this team. Or anything like it. And I know Wymack has said this to you before. Do you understand?”

She was ruthless, eyes stormy as she glared at him. He looked at her and scoffed, shaking his head.

“It’s a free country, Dan. I’m pretty sure I’m at liberty to say whatever the fuck I want. I can’t believe you let so many fucking queers run on this team. These 2 as well - “ he nodded at Neil and Andrew, shaking his head - “seriously? No wonder this team plays like shit, with a majority of them thinking about cock sucking all the time.”

He continued eating his ice cream as if the current topic was casual, normal. As soon as he mentioned Andrew and Neil as well, everyone stopped moving. Kevin wasn’t sure what happened first - him standing and reaching across the table to grab him by the shirt, Matt pegging a fistful of ice cream in his face or Aaron, who by the grace of luck was right next to Jack, yanking him by the hair.

Jack yelled, throwing his arms around and the table was in sudden chaos. Kevin didn’t know what compelled him, but he climbed onto the table, knocking over everyone’s ice cream, and with an iron grip on Jack’s shirt, dragged him front first out of his seat, over the table, and back outside the booth. The entire restaurant was staring in alarm, and the waiters were trying to interfere, but Dan and Allison kept them at bay. Aaron joined Kevin only a second later and the pair had him by the arms, moving him as fast as possible out of the restaurant.

Once outside, they took him around to where Matt’s truck was parked, and Aaron punched him so hard in the gut that Jack gasped for air for minutes after. The rest of the Foxes eventually herded around, and Andrew moved to the front boredly, nodding at Kevin and Aaron to let go. Kevin held on longer than he meant to, rage sparking throughout his body. Andrew’s smile was all too happy as he grabbed Jack by the shirt, shoving him against the brick wall of the alley they all stood in. Neil came in close behind, watching with interested curiosity, as if this were a comedic show.

Jack spurted out words of insult and fury, but Neil’s fist was up and square in Jack’s nose before anything else could come from him. Neil went a few more times, until blood started pouring out Jack’s nostrils.

Jack wailed, holding his nose as Neil stepped back with folded arms. Andrew moved forward and crouched down. He slipped a knife from his armband to his palm, placing the blade at Jack’s jaw. He looked alarmed and went to yell, but Andrew smartly smothered his mouth with his other hand.

“Jacky boy - I really wanted to take a liking to you. But you’ve ruined that oh so badly in such a short amount of time. How unfortunate. Start your countdown, Jack. You haven’t much time left.”

His voice was cutthroat, and he sliced the skin along his jaw slowly, leaving a long, ugly cut, and Jack screamed into Andrew’s palm. He let go after that, standing and kicking at him like a used toy. He wiped off his knife on the inside of his shirt, before it disappeared beneath his arm bands again. Andrew then leaned down, whispering something into Jack’s ear, and a frightened moan escaped his lips, nodding his head in desperation.

Satisfied that Jack had understood him, Andrew turned back to all the Foxes, who watched in varying states of bewilderment. Allison smirked, Nicky looking shaken but satisfied beside her. Matt and Dan frowned in cold satisfaction. Robin looked mildly scared, whilst Itzel smiled oddly, Aubrey standing as far away from it all as possible. Sheena looked beyond horrified. She went to go to Jack’s side, but thought better of it at the last second. Amira watched with her head tilted, eyes curious.

Andrew didn’t miss that odd look in her eyes, and neither did Renee, Kevin or Neil. Kevin felt a sickly sweet pleasure having watched Andrew and Neil. He kept his arms folded tight across his body, wishing he had a drink in hand to croon his racing mind.

Thankfully, Andrew instructed everyone to get in their car’s and head to Eden’s Twilight. They all obeyed without question. Andrew half dragged Jack and shoved him into Matt’s truck, slamming the door closed before walking to join the others.

It was a short, quiet ride to Eden’s. Nicky helped sort out parking for everyone’s cars, and Andrew stood at the front, waiting for everyone to be together before leading them to the front of the queue. He spoke smoothly with security as usual, and he shook the man’s hand as he ushered their whole group inside.

Kevin wasn’t sure what the rest of the night held, but it couldn’t be any worse than how it started out, right?

–

Kevin breathed a sigh of relief once he had a drink in his hand.

Because of the size of their group, Andrew had gone to the effort of pre-booking a table for them to all sit at. It was a large, circular booth with a little walkway down the middle, so people didn’t get stuck in the centre. As usual, the luminous hues that shone from the high ceilings flashes erratically, without rhythm. It was hard to move around, and all he could feel was bodies pressing to his. He felt like an ant returning to the colony.

As they all reached their booth and sat down, Andrew and Nicky had in the meantime diverted to the bar and had brought back 2 trays of drinks. Kevin downed his far quicker than he should have. He made the mistake of putting his bare hand on the table, forgetting the sticky residue that seemed to permanently live on the surface. He groaned, wiping his hands on his pants. He turned and looked up at Matt, raising his eyebrow at his restlessness.

He realised Matt hadn’t been to Eden’s since the first time Kevin and his lot took him here. Kevin didn’t necessarily agree with Andrew’s moves that night - he knew Matt was a key resource on the defence line-up - and he didn’t want to risk Matt’s sobriety. Back then, Kevin hadn’t really cared what happened to anyone else - he was too busy trying not to get dragged back to Evermore.

But now that he had his odd version of freedom, he felt more inclined to watch out for his team mates. They were investments not only for the team’s future, but his. Kevin didn’t want Matt to know he was thinking so much about it, but he did nudge him, leaning closer but avoiding eye contact.

“This isn’t going to be like the first time.”

It was a simple, likely meaningless sentence from Kevin, barely louder than the blasting music. But Matt seemed to cling to that, nodding a bit before looking down at his soda. Kevin’s word seemed to be enough, because Matt sipped his drink freely from that point forth, resting his other hand on top of Dan’s on the table.

Allison on the other hand, was itching to dance, not even having sat down and was stepping side to side impatiently. She held one drink in each hand, and was taking alternating sips between them.

“I didn’t come 2 fucking hours from Palmetto to sit in a booth and drink. Get your asses up and come dance.”

Her yelled demand was immediately addressed. No one seemed to want to sit still after the events of earlier tonight. Too much stillness left too much time to think, reflect. Nicky made the first leap up from sitting to lead them all out. Dan seemed keen as well, looking for anything to do but sit still in the memories of her visit. She dragged Matt up with her, Renee following as well, Aubrey and Itzel right behind. Sheena seemed uncertain, but Allison grabbed her hand, dragging her through the dense crowd in a slithering walk to the dance floor.

Kevin watched them all go, leaning back in the booth as Andrew stopped Robin from joining, pouting as she seemed to itch for the dancefloor.

“You’re with me for now. Amira, go be anywhere but this booth.”

She glanced at Andrew with a sigh, mumbling under her breath about manners and turned her eyes to Kevin. She beckoned him silently with her hand for him to follow.

Kevin frowned, not wishing to get up and leave the comfort of his seat, but something in the back of his mind inclined him to follow. He grabbed his drink and stood, letting her lead him around the edge of the dancefloor and to the bar.

She managed to take 2 stools from a couple that had just stood up, sitting atop it comfortably and looking at the bar menu in silence.

Kevin watched her a moment as he sipped his drink. He decided it was a poor idea to do so for too long and instead turned his attention to where the Foxes were on the dance floor. He grunted, however, at a crowding group of rowdy 30 somethings trying to get to the bar. He was shoved forward, and pressed right into the back of Amira’s stool. He quickly placed a hand down on the rim of seat to keep balance, ignoring the fact that his fingers had slid beneath her thighs. She turned her head to face him, and they were practically nose to nose. She glanced behind him at the drunk patrons, then back at him. Kevin knew his breath had picked up, but became distracted by the fact that hers had too.

She didn’t move, so neither did he, and now they were frozen in that too close, teetering edge of nearness that could go too many wrong, unlawful ways. Words died in her throat, eyes shining bright, and she opted to turn back to the bar. She didn’t make him move his hand from the stool, so he gripped on for leverage, ignoring the warmth of her skin against his hand.

He readjusted himself, and turned his attention back to the dancefloor, bringing his nearly empty glass to his mouth. Nicky and Allison seemed to be doing some form of horrendous flirty dancing that included grinding on one another. Renee looked like she was going to die of laughter, and Matt had to hold Dan up from buckling over in a giggling fit. Aubrey seemed awkward, wanting to edge away but Itzel kept him put. Sheena was more enticed to join the dancing, clearly wanting to forget the situation Jack had caused tonight.

Kevin felt a tug of loneliness in his chest. The way Dan and her lot were with each other - it wasn’t quite the same as what he had with the cousins. Where the twins and Nicky were unwaveringly loyal, their temperament towards one another was a constant rollercoaster, as none of them truly had shared interests outside of exy. They had all become comfortable in their mediocre relations to one another. There was comfort in the quiet they could sit in when they were together, but they didn’t laugh or joke or share as often as the others.

Dan and the upperclassmen seemed to be a free flow of amusement, memories, joy and happiness. Of complete and utter trust in one another. In holding, caressing, caring for each other’s secrets, pains and woes. It wasn’t to say he didn’t have good times with the cousins, but it wasn’t the same. Nicky, Aaron and Andrew were connected in a way Kevin was not - by blood. And Neil slid right into it with Andrew at his side, even if it took months to happen.

Kevin jolted as Amira tapped his arm, now facing him again and leaned in to attempt speaking to him over the blasting music.

“What are you thinking about?”

She watched him gentle inquisitiveness, but Kevin couldn’t concentrate with her hair falling in her eyes. He watched her tuck her front strands behind her ears, looking at him expectantly. He bit his cheeks a little and turned away and shrugged, feigning disinterest.

She raised an eyebrow and slowly turned, following his line of sight, readjusting her glasses. She folded one knee over the other, resting an elbow on top, and her chin in her palm.

“Tell me about your first impressions of them.”

Kevin didn’t turn his head, opting for side eyeing her. He had a feeling she would keep asking questions until he answered. He was going to need more alcohol if he was going to talk at all.

He swivelled, freeing his now cold hand from its grip beneath her leg, waiting until a bartender paid attention to him and ordered two doubles of vodka. Once he had them, he held one in his hand and turned back to facing the dancefloor. He decided to take it slower on his drinks this round, and sipped at it slowly, letting it burn his throat and tongue. He savoured the feeling, and waited a few more moments to let it jumble his focus.

At that point, he finally turned to Amira and began to speak.

“I thought they were shit. Dan was the only thing keeping them together, with Wymack’s hand holding. They had mild potential but the lack of cohesiveness was atrocious.”

Kevin knew his speech was starting to become disjointed, lagging as he spoke. He leaned his back against the bar, tilting his head up to watch the strobing light beams that danced across the room. Kevin focused too hard on it and started to feel dizzy, closing his eyes and putting every ounce of effort he could summon into breathing.

He hadn’t realised Amira had spoken until she repeated her question, so close to his ear that he swore he felt her lips brush them. He flinched a little back to keep distance, turning his head back down to look at her.

“What?”

She raised an eyebrow at him, twirling the ends of her hair through her fingers over and over. She was always moving somehow, full of boundless, restless energy that she output in repeated actions. It looked exhausting.

“I want to know what changed your mind about them. You probably could have chosen any team in the league, even after your hand started to get better. So why did you stay?”

The question washed in his mind, crashing into memories and thoughts he had hidden so far and deep he had to grit his teeth to focus on safeguarding within his own mind. He knew, but would never admit that part of it was knowing Wymack was his father. But the other part - he wasn’t sure how to explain that their stupid, reckless, broken group had saved him somewhat. Given him hope, for a future far beyond the reach of the Ravens.

“Stop talking.”

He never spoke to anyone about this, never had anyone to indulge in. He didn’t know how to share his emotions in speech. It was better letting out all of his thoughts through body slams, throwing balls into goal, running for so long he thought he would pass out. Amira was not going to be the person he would decide to open up to. It was exactly what she wanted. He’d bolt away his softer feelings until they shrivelled to dust. He ignored her observing stare, his shoulders sagging as she slowly turned her attention from him.

“That dependence on vodka isn’t going to do you so well in the long run, Kevin Day. Alcoholism is a slippery slope. And I don’t think you’re as prepared to fall as you think you are.”

Kevin froze, clutching his drink hard in hand. Was he shaking? Everything felt as though he was vibrating. He felt caught in a dirty lie. How did she know - would she tell Coach? He swallowed his panic quickly, shrugging at her coolly and brought his drink to his lips. He sipped it, staring her directly in the eyes.

“If you keep prodding in places you aren’t welcome, don’t come crying when my backlash wounds you.”

It came out colder than he intended, but it didn’t have the effect he had hoped. She just watched him, eyes blank.

“You’re making it very difficult to get to know you.”

“Then stop. I didn’t ask you to.”

She considered that for a moment, tilting her head to the side as she pulled all of her hair to one side, exposing her bare neck. He stared at the soft bit of skin as she continued.

“No, you didn’t. But we both need it.”

He furrowed his brows, bringing his eyes to hers again, sipping his drink. He let the alcohol give him a more cold, cruel edge to get her off his back.

“You don’t know what I need. You barely know me. What could I possibly give you that you need so badly that you keep trying to claw your way beneath my skin?”

She stared at him long and hard, finally averting her eyes with a sorrow so deep Kevin thought he would be sick.

“Someone to trust. Coach said you were someone I could trust.”

She left him without another word.

Kevin felt his jaw aching from gritting his teeth, and he rubbed at it. He downed his drink then, reaching for his other. Who was she to make comments like that? To use Wymack against him. Accuse him of alcoholism. Even if he was one, he was still the best damn player in the league with a bottle sloshing around inside him. So who cares?

He scoffed, looking over as he saw Nicky and Aaron walk past, tight grips on an angry Jack, who they were dragging directly to Andrew. Kevin stood, following them to the booth, where Robin was now gone. Aaron was evidently not gentle, as he shoved Jack down roughly beside Andrew and walked off without a backwards glance.

Neil had his arms on the back of the chair, one behind Andrew, who was smiling at a paling Jack. Andrew spoke to him in low, dangerous tones that made Jack clench his fists so hard they went white. Neil tapped Andrew’s arm every now and then, not as a reminder to reel back in, but just to remind him that he was there. Jack’s pathetic facade was an irritation to Kevin’s eyes, so he went back to the bar instead, where he bought 3 shots, downed them all in one go and made his way to the dance floor.

Feeling nothing was key to being able to dance in a club. Kevin never would have done it otherwise. Letting go, feeling the meaningless thrum of music in his body pulling him through the night, it was freeing. After minutes of searching, he found the Foxes, where Matt and Dan had taken over as centre of attention, dancing all over each other in the most overt ways imaginable. It was enough handsy, grinding filth to put any other couple to shame. Kevin couldn’t help the drunken laugh that accidently escaped his lips. Renee was pretending to splash money all over them, Robin watching on with wide eyes and a bit of a distant look on her face. She clearly was still reeling in the aftermath of Andrew’s fingers poking and prodding her mind. Renee seemed to know too, as she kept Robin tucked at her side safely.

He looked around then, watching as both Sheena and Allison were cosying up with random locals. Aubrey was letting Itzel swing him around in happy circles. Clearly they hadn’t been with Andrew yet if she was still having such an enjoyable time.

He glanced at Renee as she nudged him, leaning into his ear. “You should laugh more often - your smile is nice!”

Kevin rolled his eyes at her and shook his head, arms folded but swaying slightly to the music beside her.

“You might think I tolerate you all – can’t let that happen.”

Renee laughed at that, and he watched her rainbow hair brighten under the lights. He wondered how she had always managed to keep up the dye job. How had her hair not fried to bits?

Something caught the corner of his eye, and he had to rub his eyes a little to refocus. Double vision had arrived and he knew he’d drunk too fast.

He saw what caught his eyes now – it was Amira’s hair clips glinting against the club lights. He watched as she stood talking to a short, slender man. He had dark, thick hair, and wore a black button up and pants. Something felt familiar about it. He stumbled back a bit to catch sight of his face, and his stomach leapt into his throat.

That pale skin - those sharp, dark eyes, thick eyebrows, high cheekbones. His vision blurred, and he thought he might be sick. It couldn’t be – no – no. Please, no. He shouldn’t be here, it can’t be him –

He ignored Renee’s voice, now distant and echoing in his brain. He pushed through people, shoving them out of the way to get to the man. Why was he talking to her? How was he talking to her? How was this happening?

He felt someone try to grab him, yelling at him for shoving them, but he just shoved them back twice as hard. He was fairly sure they had fallen over. He felt enough strength in him to lift an elephant. He kept stumbling through until he got to the terrifying man. Everything was a tunnel around him at that point, with nothing in his vision but the clothes. The hair. Even the hands. Those strong, cruel, violent hands.

He froze then, feeling as though he was floating. The club didn’t feel real anymore, it was a dull throb in the back of his head. He was back in his bedroom at Edgar Allen, dark and cold. Always so cold.

And before him was Riko, back turned to him, speaking to Amira. Would he retaliate if he touched him? Yes. Why would he ask such a stupid question? But he couldn’t let him have the Foxes. He already took Seth. He had no love for Seth, but it hurt Wymack, and so privately, it hurt Kevin. He reached forward, grabbing Riko by the shoulder, his world shattering through the pathetic tape he had tried to fix it with.

Riko turned around, but Kevin’s eyes were still doubling, blurring everything in front of him. Instead, he grabbed the fabric of Riko’s shirt, shoving him so hard into a nearby table that he yelled in alarm, holding his hands up in the air. He was yelling something, but it was with panicked, confused strain. Riko didn’t sound like that.

Kevin felt a hand on his shoulder, probably another Raven here to placate, restrict Kevin. He didn’t care, and swung an elbow back with a poorly aimed but powerful lurch. It connected with whatever held him and it limply let him go. Satisfied he now had control of Riko without interruption, he turned his focus back. But when he blinked, it wasn’t Riko. This man was a bit taller – more tan. His nose was wider, his cheeks covered in freckles.

Kevin squeezed his eyes shut, and a high pitched noise sounded in his ears. He let the man go and took a step back, bumping into something on the floor. He turned and saw Amira there, holding her face, looking up at him with wide eyes. What was happening?

“Kevin – Kevin! What are you doing man?”

It was Matt, with Dan at his side, Renee and Nicky behind them. Nicky was gaping, and Dan had crouched down beside Amira, checking her face before helping her to her feet. The man in front of Kevin stood frozen, confused and afraid at what was happening. He moved slowly, shaking his head.

“Whatever your friend is on – put him on a damn leash or something. Crazy asshole. And you – if you had a boyfriend, why were you talking to me? Fucking slut.”

He directed the last part at Amira, who blinked, watching as Renee and Matt had to hold Dan back from going at the guy. He disappeared quickly into the crowd, Matt slowly letting Dan go and she whipped her head on Kevin.

Kevin’s thoughts were a jumbled mess – he couldn’t tell where he was. What was happening? He grunted as Dan grabbed him by the shirt, forcing him to be still. Was he swaying in the first place? He wasn’t sure.

“Kevin, what the hell were you doing? Going at that guy, then you just – elbow Amira? Why? I’ve let Andrew do his thing tonight, but this wasn’t a part of it. So what the hell are you playing at right now?”

Her tone was icy, full of anger. Renee put her arm on Dan’s for her to ease up, and she did, but very slowly. Kevin looked between them all, frowning. He looked at Amira, whose cheek was reddening where he had hit her. His stomach roiled, not in guilt but at the fact that she didn’t seem angry. She didn’t seem to have any emotion at all. Nicky moved forward to put a hand on Kevin’s shoulder, shaking him a bit.

“Kevin, where’s your head at right now?”

All he could smell was tequila on Nicky, and the urge to get more alcohol increased in his chest. What a motivator it was, to focus you when everything around you was wrong.

“Evermore.”

Nicky flinched, letting go of Kevin and standing back. Kevin used the chance to move, as fast as he could away from them all. His last glance back was at Amira, and she watched him go with glassy eyes. It clouded his current motives slightly. Why was she such a weighted presence in his ever erratic thoughts?

Kevin’s head began to spin, and he needed to escape thinking at all. He wished so badly everything would stop. His mind flashed with Riko’s glares, of punching out his errors on court, beatings to his ribs, kicks in his stomach, pulling of his hair, the breaking of his hand. The cracks he heard that day, the blood, the thought that it was going to rot and fall off.

Drink, he needed another drink. He stumbled forward, looking for the bar and after an eternity, he found it. He wasn’t sure whose drinks were sitting on the bench, but he took them both and knocked them back. It wasn’t the sweet release he hoped for - the liquor was dark, smokey and made him cough. He needed something harsher - more pointed, acidic.
Kevin made his way around the club, buying shots, downing them, going to another bartender and buying shots, downing them.

It was all taking too long - why could he still feel? He had everything he fucking wanted and it still wasn’t enough. Why was nothing ever enough? Why was he so fucking empty? All he could think was that he was a hollow, a gaping wound that would never be rejuvenated.

He felt hot, sticky liquid leaking from his eyes. They flowed, hard and fast down his cheeks. Dancing - maybe dancing would help.

Kevin kept moving, pushing through the dense crowd, becoming squished, warmed and heated by the surrounding of other bodies. His world then became a blur of fluorescent beams and heavy breathing, so compact and beautiful, ever changing and powerful. He felt hands on his body, lips on his, lips with red, lips with stubble, lips with pink, bodies behind him, bodies in front of him. It all felt so good. Why couldn’t he do this all the time?

Why couldn’t he be free of his mind?

—

How had he ended up at the cousin’s house? He vaguely knew he was in the kitchen. His eyes watered with someone’s fingers down his throat, and he gagged, throwing up acidic liquid. It kept on coming, his back being slammed as he spat up his entire stomach contents.

“Kevin, are you fucking stupid? I feel like I’ve asked myself this question more times than I care to tonight. And I ask myself that everyday. How many random drinks did you take?”

Kevin felt the warmth of Matt’s hand on his back, noticing Renee beside him, holding water and a towel.

“Where is – is Amira okay – ”

Kevin coughed and spat between words, taking the towel from Renee to wipe his mouth. He groaned, checking his watch to see that it was 3am. He covered his eyes as Renee spoke.

“She’s fine Kevin - but you owe her an apology. And an explanation, at the very least.”

Matt nodded in agreement, frowning as he kept Kevin upright. “We found you unconscious on the dance floor. We thought you had alcohol poisoning. What were you thinking?”

Kevin stared at them, trying to piece together his own memory of what he was saying, but nothing came to fruition. Did he pass out? When did that happen? He tried to move, but his brain ricocheted so hard in his skull he thought he would spill out of every facial orifice. Renee frowned at him, looking exhausted, as did Matt.

“Is everyone here? Where is Amira sleeping?” Kevin mumbled, keeping his eyes closed so as not to induce light sensitivity. He knew she needed her own room – he had asked Andrew to make sure she would if everyone was going to stay here tonight. He didn’t question it, just looked at him as if it was a stupid question. He also couldn’t bare to see the looks on Matt or Renee’s face. He slowly reopened them though, watching Matt glance sideways at Renee, Kevin unable to catch whatever silent conversation they just had. Matt sighed, rubbing his face tiredly.

“Yeah, everyone is here. Neil wanted to leave you in the driveway, he was pissed off. Even Nicky agreed. Renee and I dragged you in and now, here we are. You need to go to sleep, man. We have to be up in like 3 and a half hours. As for Amira, she’s asleep upstairs. Andrew gave her the master. She tried to argue, and did so for so long that Andrew pulled his knives out. She gave up after that.”

Kevin sighed in relief, taking a deep breath and nodding. He shooed the pair of them away, washing out his mouth in the kitchen sink. The short trip between the kitchen and lounge room was one of the hardest of his life. After that, he stripped off all his clothes, wanting the weight of it off his skin. Nicky was passed out on the fold out bed, sprawled like a dog. Kevin sighed, shoving bits of Nicky to the side and slowly clambered in. When his head hit the pillow, his brain didn’t still as he hoped, but rather slushed and throbbed.

Kevin tried not to think of Riko, as he willed himself to dream of nothing.

Chapter Text

Kevin had somehow ended up on the floor in his sleep, likely the result of Nicky’s limbs flying every which way in his sleep.

He awoke to someone’s toes in his face, wriggling and poking his nose. He moaned, swatting aimlessly.

“Fuck off.”

It was a half-assed insult, resulting in a sprinkling of laughs. He slightly opened one eye to see Allison and Dan standing above him, Allison still wiggling her feet in Kevin’s face.

“Get up Day, Coach will be here for us in 30. And last time I checked, I’m pretty sure you don’t want to be left behind at Edgar Allen.”

Kevin grunted and reached out a limp arm to whack Allison, Dan snorting at his miss and shaking her head, leaning down to shake him.

“I know you aren’t a morning person Kevin, but Amira went and got everyone breakfast and coffee. Renee said it was God watching over our hangovers, so take from that what you will.”

Kevin shook his head at her, but immediately regretted it. He thought everything inside had somehow come loose, and was now a banging, painful throb in his mind. He refused to move, ignoring every single person that came and yelled, prodded and poked him to get up.

He only marginally listened when Amira came to him, 10 minutes prior to Wymack arriving. She held his coffee in hand, and placed it on the ground, kneeling beside him.

“You look like shit.”

It was a pointed note that Kevin thought a little too obvious as she reached down, using her fingers to pry both of his eyelids open. She made an effort to keep her eyes on his, and not the lack of clothing that covered his body from the waist down. He moaned at the lights, lifting his hands to grab her wrists and trying to fight back, but lost his efforts when her face came into focus. He almost forgot what he did last night. Her cheek was discolouring, turning an ugly dark purple. Stabbing guilt bit at him, but she acted as if nothing had happened. How was she so… put together and alive this time of morning? She looked refreshed, energised. He hated it.

“Go away.”

He tried to turn away if only to avoid the awful impact his delusions he had. But Amira grabbed both his shoulders, and pulled him into a sitting position. She placed a palm flat on top of his head, brought the coffee to his mouth and poured some in. It was losing its heat, but it was a damn good coffee. Once he had a few mouthfuls, he found himself able to keep his eyes half open. Amira pulled a towel from the floor beside her, and shoved it in his lap.

“You stink of alcohol. Go shower. Matt said he’ll hose you down in the front yard if you don’t. And in this instance, I think I believe him. He seemed very excited about the prospect.”

She smiled amusedly, Kevin starting to move angrily to his feet, towel and coffee in hand, ignoring everyone’s crude jokes at him about his drunkenness from last night.

He stumbled to the bathroom, peeling and throwing last night's clothes into the bath, where everyone else's was. He brought in his toothbrush with toothpaste, settling in under the warm water. It was a rejuvenation he didn’t expect, but he closed his eyes, resting his head against the wall and slowly brushed his teeth. Kevin always savoured showering and bathing - it was privacy earned, reprieve from the chaos of life that was constantly churning, throwing things at him. But it also usually led to too much time to think. About his dazed, delusions of Riko last night. And it had only now hit him that he was going back to Evermore today. Seeing the Ravens. Seeing Jean.

His stomach roiled, and after thinking on it for too long, he gagged, eyes watering at the strain in his body. This unwavering fear that possessed him at any thought of Edgar Allen - would it ever end? Would he ever be free of it? His body trembled under the steamy stream, and he clung to the tap for dear life, for anything to help hold himself together. He remained there for minutes, unable to move, paralysed.

The water kept dripping, raining, splattering onto his skin, now feeling muggy and intense. He needed relief - he needed cooling. He had a thought then, and he would likely regret it.

At some point, he heard loud honking, but he didn’t care. He stared at the taps, gritting his teeth and shut off the hot water with a quick twist. Every part of him clenched, and he seethed through gritted teeth as freezing cold water poured over him. He refused to move, his body trembling under the chill as the coldness washed over him, through him, into him. He breathed in and out, ensuring each one was even, methodic, meaningful. He kept at this, letting the coldness seep into his bones, rejuvenating him.

The beeping got louder, incessant and aggressive, and he suddenly widened his eyes as he realised it was Coach. He quickly turned off the water, grabbed his towel and realised his bag was – where was his bag?

He groaned, head still violently unwell, and wrapped his towel tight and low around his waist, grabbing his coffee and running downstairs. He looked for his bag, but it was nowhere to be seen. Where was it? He looked outside, and saw everyone was on the bus, Coach at the door with folded arms and glowering eyes. He pointed at the bus where Kevin finally saw where his bag had been taken. Aaron was holding it up at the window, and he saw the bus load of assholes roaring with laughter.

He groaned, stomping out the front door, shutting and locking the house behind him. The Foxes whistled and yelled at him, Kevin scowling at the bastards as he moved toward the bus door.

“I am stood here being accused of favouritism for waiting for you. Not because you’re you but because you’re my son. Get on the bus and don’t tarnish my hard reputation again.”

Coach shook his head at Kevin, who rolled his eyes back and walked forward. Coach put a hand on his shoulder, when he stepped up, making him stop a moment. Kevin looked up at Coach, and saw he had hard eyes.

“I know what you did last night. You better have a damn good excuse and apology ready. That shit will not fly, Kevin.”

His eyes were stern, and Kevin winced, not used to the harsh scrutiny directly from Wymack. He quickly shook him off, continuing onto the bus, shame an acidic boil in his gut. The Foxes whistled and whooped at him and his lack of clothing as he walked on however, all of them in various states of laughter.

“Coach, can’t believe you hired a dancer for the trip! That is so kind of you. Could’ve just asked me though!” Dan yelled, Kevin moaning at the level of noise. He stumbled up the aisle, holding his towel and coffee for dear life. Abby flashed him a sympathetic look but also seemed to be containing her own laughter.

Wymack watched on critically as he stood at the front of the aisle. Kevin kept walking, and in his lack of focus on what he was doing, his eyes landed on Amira, who was staring at him. She had her usual baggy shirt and jorts combo on, her glasses sitting perfect on her nose. The bruise stuck out against her brown skin, and he bit the inside of his cheek. He couldn’t configure the expression she was giving him – she was biting her bottom lip, eyebrow raised. He watched her eyes go from his face and wander down his body, and something slithered through Kevin’s gut at that. When she realised he was looking back at her, she quickly averted her gaze.

He blinked, but kept moving, sitting in the empty seats behind her, Neil and Andrew behind him and Nicky and Aaron behind them. Neil leaned forward and looked at Kevin, a scrutinising look on his face, and he swung a backpack over the seat, which had spare clothes. Kevin sighed in relief, and clung onto it, looking forward as Coach spoke up.

“Okay you assholes, we have a long drive ahead of us. If any of you even think about being sick, I will leave you on the side of the road and not come back. If you are weak enough to need them, Abby does have vomit bags.”

“I’m aware of what we are facing tonight - it is going to be hell, I’m not going to lie. But we all have one thing the Ravens’ don’t: genuine unity. Look out for each other tonight. Do not engage with any of them if you can help it. If you do – just don’t. And Neil, I swear to all that is good in this life, I will put an actual dog muzzle on you if you open your damn mouth. Is everyone clear?”

Neil pouted innocently at Coach and simply shrugged. “That’s if you can catch me, Coach.”

Coach scrunched up the coffee cup he had in hand and pegged it accurately at Neil, who ducked and grinned as it missed. Everyone laughed, but they all responded “Yes Coach”. With a satisfied nod, Wymack went back to the driver’s seat, and started up the bus for the journey.

Kevin closed his eyes, trying to drown out all the chatter that was happening around him as Wymack started the drive. How was anyone even awake right now? He downed the rest of the coffee, and pulled out whatever item of clothing he could grasp from the bag, laying it over his head to block out all light possible, letting sweet, sleeping reprieve come to him.

–

He wasn’t sure how long into the trip they were when he was awoken, but someone had thrown something in his lap. He grunted at the weight, still sitting naked in his towel from that morning, a t-shirt covering his eyes. He peeled it off and looked up, Amira standing there expectantly, pen in hand and her note books in his lap.

“Need to finish my notes before tonight, Kevin. You can keep your eyes closed, but I do want you to lecture. May I sit?”

He glanced at her, watching her eyes stay very still and strictly on his. He sighed tiredly and nodded, and she moved the backpack off the seat onto the ground, sinking down next to him. She turned her head, looking back at Neil and Andrew. Andrew was asleep, head on Neil’s shoulder, and Neil was staring out the window in silence. He slowly turned his head to look at Amira, who had a gentle smile on her face.

“I’d like your input too Neil. I’m doing notebooks on the other teams. I’ve done everyone so far except the Ravens. If you don’t want to, that’s also okay.”

Neil looked at her thoughtfully, gesturing a hand at Andrew.

“As long as I don’t have to move.”

She bobbed her chin in agreement, and sat sideways in her seat, so she could look between Kevin and Neil easily. She went to start but glanced down at Kevin, distraction fluttering across her face and she cleared her throat.

“Can you go get dressed? It’s very...”

She said it quietly, averting her eyes away from having to look at him, waving her hands in front of her as if that would actually finish her sentence. Kevin raised an eyebrow, glancing down at himself then up at her.

“You don’t have to look, you know.”

He felt an odd smugness when he said it, but it wasn’t long lasting.

“You make it hard not to.”

She kept her focus on the pens in her hands, fiddling with them. Kevin blinked, irritated that he had a sudden rise in heart rate. He stared at her a moment longer before standing up and heading to the back to dress with what little privacy the bus had to offer. He put on shorts and a plain black tee, rejoining them, raising his eyebrows at Neil’s expression. It was a curious & questioning, and Kevin glared at him before squeezing himself back into his seat.

He yawned, resting his head on the window, trying to get comfortable. After a minute, he decided to sit horizontal on his seat, back to the window, hugging his knees. He watched Amira flit through her notes, knowing he should apologise for last night, but he wasn’t sure how. He didn’t want Neil listening in, but he didn’t seem to have much of a choice.

“I thought I was back in my old room at Castle Evermore. I thought you were someone grabbing me to hold me down.”

She stilled instantly, letting his stiff, robotic words wash over. It was wishful thinking, that he didn’t sound terrified. But he could only hope. Kevin wasn’t used to apologising – he thought sorrys were a waste of time, not truly meaningful. But he also didn’t like that she had been trying to help, accidentally in the firing range of his panicked illusion of Riko.

“Your face – I’d rather have done that on a court than in a club. I’ll aim to keep my violence court based only from now on.”

She raised her eyes to him slowly, giving a tired, forgiving smile. Kevin didn’t deserve it.

“I’ve done worse in those… types of situations. Where everything isn’t quite right, and you’re out of control of yourself. At least it was me and not a bystander.”

There was more there that he probably could have pressed for, but Neil spoke up, and Kevin almost put a fist into his face.

“Kevin’s manners have yet to be improved since I’ve known him, it seems. I believe that was an awful attempt at an apology. You might be the one who needs a leash when we go out from now on, Kev.”

Amira sniffed, trying to contain a laugh, nodding a little and spoke to them both with a pensive look in her eye.

“What’s done is done. I don’t hold it against you, Kevin. Now, can you both help me with this or not?”

Kevin settled a little then, but couldn’t put a finger to why he still felt weird in his gut. Why was she so… forgiving? He let it leave his mind as Amira went through the list of Ravens for this season.

Kevin knew a fair few had died over the summer. He felt an odd detachment when he heard the news. Whether it was the inability to process what he had heard, or refusal to believe that maybe the most toxic of the Ravens were becoming an endangered species… a leaking of optimism came through that maybe his life would be a little less in danger when in the presence of that team. For that reason alone, he refused to let his brain sink too deeply into the topic. Hope was a sickening monster with a sweet child’s face. Not to be trusted.

Amira waved a hand in his face, and he realised he had zoned out. He looked up, shaking his head.

“Jean Moreau – tell me about him. I know he was a part of your perfect court thing.”

She said it quietly, carefully, glancing between Kevin and Neil. Neil sighed, looking away with an expression that Kevin could have taken for partial guilt, partial rumination.

Kevin’s chest coiled at the mention of Jean’s name. He knew this issue would have to come to the forefront of his attention when they went to the ball, but he would avoid it at all costs. He wasn’t able to put into words the feelings he had surrounding his relationship with Jean. Complicated was a good summary.

Anytime Jean was in his mind, all Kevin could think of was broken promises, abandonment and late nights French lessons taught in safety of darkness. Kevin swallowed his fear of facing Jean tonight, and turned his eyes slowly back to Amira. As if sensing the emotions washing through him, she leaned her head against the chair and looked up at the ceiling. Minutes passed in silence between the three of them, before she spoke up.

“When I was going through the stuff I went through, I saw other children too. Mostly glimpses, being taken away to and from bedrooms, in kitchens, lounges, with parents, with strangers. I knew that what was happening to me was happening to them too.”

She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath, clenching her pens tight in her hand. Neil now had his eyes on her, and Kevin stared at the side of her head, eyes glazed as she whispered.

“It is so easy to blame yourself when you leave people behind. Or don’t help them the way they need it. But getting yourself out of those situations, and staying out – it is such an almighty task on its own, and you have to accept that no matter what, you can’t save everyone if you can’t even save yourself. It just isn’t possible, otherwise you would die trying and then, what’s the point? The assholes win anyway. They always win, one way or another I suppose. With the pieces we are left with for the remainder of our lives.”

She held steady but had paled, managing to keep herself from being ill. She shuddered, turning to face Kevin and watching him intently.

“You only have now and tomorrow, the day after that, and so on. So make that count. The guilt never leaves but you can shrink it. Squish it, control it. You just have to. It’s the only way to not drive yourself to a point of no return.”

She finished in a shaky titter, and Kevin felt clawing, emotional heat in his throat. He looked away from her and Neil, staring out the window, reeling himself back to a point of being able to speak without breaking at the seams. It took minutes before he could continue.

“Jean is one of the best backliners in Class I exy – he is also a survivor, on and off the court. His endurance for long games is one of the best I have seen, outside of our team. He plays hard and dirty. I’m not sure Jeremy would allow that, so I would assume he is doing his best attempt at undoing the gruesome playing styles of the Ravens. He is smarter than people give him credit for, patient as well.”

Amira listened intently, writing as he spoke, Neil butting in with a comment every now and then. One by one, they went through the team together, spending the rest of the trip discussing the Ravens. Kevin never went into too much detail, and kept the focus on the playing style only, Neil following his lead on it. Neither wanted to relive their time in the Nest.

By the time they reached West Virginia, it was late afternoon. Wymack rolled up to their hotel, which he had booked for the night so he didn’t have to drive back. He stood up at the front of the bus, arms folded.

“You have 3 hours before we have to be at Edgar Allen. If anyone decides at the last minute they don’t want to go, I will make excuses. Be on the bus at 6:30, ready to go okay? Now get off, the lot of you stink.”

Everyone eagerly escaped the cramped space of the bus, heading to their assigned rooms. Kevin had one with Matt, which he wasn’t happy about, but he also knew it could be worse. Kevin had ensured to pack a bottle of vodka for tonight, and sat on his bed, sipping it, staring at the wall. The alcohol from last night still floated in his system, and he could tell Matt was critical of it, but decided to say nothing.

Matt stood in the mirror, retwisting some of his locs, carefully using a comb and spinning it with precision. But Matt watched Kevin carefully in the reflection. Kevin ignored the stare, and groaned as he walked over to sit beside him on the bed.

“What is it about tonight that you’re most nervous about?”

Kevin frowned, and dozens of thoughts raced through his mind. It wasn’t just being in the same room as his old team, it was the coaches, the nurses, the university, the memories. The hundreds of memories that scarred his mind. Having them all flood to mind in one go was dizzying, as if every bit of his soul was being ripped to shreds and healing, over and over again. He sighed, staring hard at the floor. If he said stuff like that aloud, he would probably get committed.

“Everything, Matt. It’s hard to explain. You wouldn’t understand.”

Matt tapped his hands beside him, staring at the wall ahead. “Probably not. Definitely not. But I know what it’s like to drown in your own head.”

It was a truth Kevin had forgotten about – Matt’s battle with sobriety was something Kevin would never understand. Slowly, Kevin nodded, bringing the bottle to his lips again.

“I know how to swim, Matt. But I don’t know how to not drown. I’m always fucking drowning.”

It was the most vulnerable thing Kevin had said in a long time. And why he was saying it to Matt, he wasn’t sure. Matt was a solidity in the Fox lineup that was unchanging. He only ever wanted what was best for everyone. I guess that was why he was so admired. Kevin still regretted it though, and wished he could put his head through a wall.

Matt let out a slow breath, closing his eyes, head hanging low. He seemed to be thinking, stewing on Kevin’s words. When he opened his mouth, it was with a comforting reassurance that Kevin didn’t know he needed. It kept him still – not wanting to disappear.

“The drowning - it’s not about learning how to swim. It’s about keeping afloat. For me, it’s exy. It’s Dan. It’s the team. Those are my buoys, my flotation devices. One isn’t really enough. You need a few. For tonight, you have the team and you have Coach and Abby, but maybe pick one person to keep with you. Maybe Amira.”

Although Kevin and Matt didn’t always see eye to eye – Kevin appreciated his fierceness and protectiveness of the team. It was something Kevin always neglected, but maybe he had to change that. At least he had someone to look up to for it. Kevin turned to Matt at the suggestion, unsure where this conversation was going. He needed to be careful, and kept still as Matt turned his head to face him. Kevin frowned, posing the question: “Why Amira?”

Matt’s stare was long and unreadable.

“She seems to make you – I don’t know. You focus more when she’s around. You’re more watchful, analytical. When you’re not, you know, elbowing her in the head.”

Kevin scowled, punching Matt’s arm and turned his eyes away from Matt’s laughing face. He continued on.

“I don’t think you mean to, but you’re depending on her need for learning and skill-sharing as much as she depends on you for information and knowledge. Kind of like how you and Neil were a crutch for each other in that way last year. And I’m sure she doesn’t attract trouble the way Neil does. That might be good for tonight, keep you focused on something other than the Ravens.”

Kevin seemed taken aback by the observation, but didn’t see anything incorrect about it. He slowly nodded, pursing his lips as he tipped the drink into his mouth. Matt took the lack of response as the end of the conversation, and went back to doing his hair. Kevin moved back on the bed, leaning against the headboard and slowly drinking through his bottle. By the time Matt was done with his re-twists and gelling, it was time to get dressed. Matt had a maroon suit with a lapel pin, shaped like a fox.

Kevin visited a tailor last week, and had a suit measured up and made. He stood in the mirror to do up his tie, satisfied with his verdant green suit. Adorning a golden PSU pin on his lapel, he turned to check Matt was ready to go. Matt, however, was distracted, brows knitted together and tongue sticking out. He balked as Matt flipped, twisted, knotted his tie so incorrectly, Kevin almost reached forward to strangle him with it. Scoffing, he stomped forth and smacked Matt’s hand away, taking over to do a neat windsor on his neck. Matt smiled sheepishly, squeezing Kevin’s shoulder in return.

“I like your suit colour, matches your eyes. Was that on purpose? Very diva of you.”

Matt grinned and barely avoided another arm punch from Kevin, and they grabbed their phones and wallets to leave. Kevin ensured his flask was full and tucked into his inner jacket pocket, before following Matt down to the bus.

Andrew and Neil were already there, Neil in a simple navy blue suit, Andrew and Aaron in matching black ones. Aubrey had a tan suit on with a dark brown tie, whilst Nicky had on a dark grey one, wearing a bright orange Palmetto tie. It looked terribly ugly if anything, but the pride he had in representing the team kept Kevin’s mouth shut.

Coach was wearing the same old light blue suit he always wore, and was standing on his phone, texting in silence. Jack was standing awkwardly off to the side, a large bandage across his jaw and face, his face pale and eyes full of poisoned hatred. Whatever Andrew had done to muzzle Jack had worked, as he had lied when Wymack questioned what happened to his face. He bit his tongue, keeping almost entirely to himself. Kevin watched as Nicky chatted excitedly to Aubrey about the night, trying to keep the mood light despite the deplorable evening they were about to have.

The boys looked up as the girls finally came down to join them, and all of them, even Wymack, seemed stunned to silence.

Dan lead the way, wearing a shin length, velvet dress with a plethora of gold accessories. If Matt had no control of his jaw, Kevin reckoned he would have drooled.

Robin wore a deep red pantsuit with a tie, whilst Renee wore a pastel pink gown that complimented her hair. Itzel wore a 2 piece top and skirt that swirled around her as she walked. Sheena wore her usual black, a skin-tight body con, and Allison had a bright blue mini dress with high heels that looked sharp enough to stab someone with.

It was Amira that caught Kevin’s eyes though.

She wore a shimmery, lilac saree, decorated with floral and intricate embellishments. She had expertly pleated the fabric, and wore a bright, yellow bindi just above the middle of her brows. Her arms were decorated with gold bangles, and bell-like, gold earrings hung from her ears. Kevin’s eyes followed the bare parts of her skin, the precise make up on her face expertly covering her bruise, the fullness of her lips. He very quickly realised he was developing a staring problem, and forced his gaze away.

Abby had on a lovely red gown, and Dan & Renee giggled as they stared at Wymack, who seemed to struggle taking his eyes off of her. Kevin thought she looked beautiful. She rarely dressed up, and it made him happy to see her radiating so brightly. Wymack finally seemed to realise he was staring, and turned away toward the entrance of the bus. He did a head count of everyone, all Foxes’ present, taking a breath before speaking.

“Tonight will be hell. I’m not going to lie about that. I want everyone to stick together – be with at least one other person the entire night. If you can avoid the Ravens, do so. If they make it impossible, be as blase, uninterested. There will be photographers, ERC members, interviewers for pre-season media. Be on your best damn behaviour, or I will do everything in my power to make you absolutely regret it. The second there is any trouble, come straight to me or Abby. We’ll be doing our best to keep an eye out, but the medical staff and coaches have to be social too. Now get in.”

He watched and waved his arm, ushering the Foxes onto the bus. Amira came on last, and Kevin watched her move all the way down to the empty seat beside him. She held her notebooks, shaking them at him and slowly sat next to him. Indulging himself, his eyes inhaled every little detail, the folds in her saree, the gentle roll of her belly over her skirt, her splotchy birthmark peeking under her top, her glittering bindi and jewellery.

“Now who’s making it hard not to look.”

He said it calmly, factually, and she glanced at Kevin in surprise, her cheeks going a slight pink.

“If that is your attempt at a compliment, thanks. Green suits you. Matches your eyes.”

It was so soft, a lovely kindness from her tongue, that Kevin wished he could bottle it. He frowned at his own thoughts, shaking his head and nodding at her notebook.

“At this point, it might be more beneficial to remove my brain and gift it to you on a silver platter.”

She huffed a laugh through her nose, shaking her head as she opened her notes.

“I don’t want that thing – I can’t imagen all the weird stuff that goes on in there. I also have enough trauma of my own, thank you.”

She grinned at him, and Kevin groaned, averting his eyes casually from lingering on hers for too long, focusing on the passing views out the window.

He ensured to keep his focus away from her, answering her questions as the drive went on. However, as Edgar Allen University finally came into view, Kevin found he was unable to form words. His throat felt dry, and despite a sip from his flask, it didn’t soothe the panic in his chest. He couldn’t unpeel his eyes from it, his chest knotting, a pounding throb trembling throughout his body. He didn’t realise this reaction was occurring until he felt something hard and brick-like pressed to the back of his neck.

Kevin sucked in a breath through his teeth, flinching as the brick was a frozen bite on his skin. He turned his head to look, and saw that Abby was beside their aisle and Andrew, who was behind him, was holding an ice pack to his neck. He frowned at Abby, but realised that he had been instantly distracted from the frenzied panic that was building in him.

He slowly reached up to take the ice pack from Andrew, who let go once he had it, pressing his brow to the window. He held the ice pack to his skin to sooth his heated, fretting body.

If this was how he felt being simply outside the university, how was he going to face what was on the inside?

Chapter Text

He hated how beautiful the place was.

Kevin’s soft spot for historical architecture, and seeing it again up close, made him reminisce that it was one of the only good parts of it.

Edgar Allen was designed & built in the late 1800s, at the beginning of collegiate gothic architectural trends. The ball was being hosted in the main hall, which luckily was one of the most beautiful buildings on site, after the library. The building ahead was hailed by 4 elegant spires, each one decorated with an animal symbolic to Edgar Allen Poe’s works. Pointed rib vaults decorated the top of large, colourful glass stained windows, with imagery in dedication to the name of the university. A large, pointed arch hailed the entrance to the oversized, double doors that towered over the entrants. It was carved with intricate lines, tesselating shapes and deep curves

It felt a world away from Palmetto State, and he could see it on the faces of the Foxes. They stared in awe, forgetting for a moment what they were stepping into, and gawking at the beauty around them. If there was one thing he missed, it was being surrounded by such beautiful art every day.

“Can I say it’s beautiful?”

Kevin peeled his eyes from staring up at the building, slowly turning to Amira, who now stood at his side. The awe in her eyes at the site before her almost made his racketing chest quieten. He slowly nodded and turned his eyes back to the hall, sliding his hands into his pockets.

“If you didn’t, I might be insulted.”

She smiled a bit at that, turning to look at him and sighed.

“Let’s get this party started, yeah? You have a lot of introductions to do for me tonight – I hope you put on your social boots.”

She nodded at the crowd of people walking through the doors, and she urged him along, lingering within arms reach at all times. Kevin focussed on putting one foot in front of the other, keeping his eyes on the fluttering trail of her skirt. It had its own life, flowing freely along the stones. Kevin wished he could hide within the safety of the plentiful fabric.

He took out his flask, taking a sip as he followed Amira to the table the Foxes’ had. He made a mental note that from now on, he needed to keep the flask-drinking from Amira’s watchful eyes. He starkly remembered her comment on it last night, and it stabbed his gut as he did.
He sat down beside Matt, who nodded to Kevin, passing him a drink. Kevin took it thankfully and downed it fast, but it was only lemonade. He pursed his lips, looking around, slowly absorbing the incessant buzzing happening around them.

The hall was set up with tables on the outskirts, a dance floor in the middle and a stage elevated in the centre. The university band was playing gallant classical music. It felt odd to play for a bunch of college students, but he appreciated it nonetheless. He watched as teams moved in droves, people stopping to chat to one another, photographers stopping people to take photos. Coaches herded their teams, trying to maintain any ounce of control, but in such an active environment, they barely succeeded. Kevin swept his eyes in sight of the Ravens, but so far had not seen them. He did, however, spot the Trojans, and saw Jeremy’s blond waves from afar. With a stab of realisation, he realised the taller, dark form next to him was Jean.

Kevin forgot how to breathe then. His hands, which had been on the table, now bunched the table cloth crudely. Matt followed Kevin’s line of site, nudging him hard in the ribs. Kevin winced and broke his eye contact, glowering at Matt.

“Stop staring. Doesn’t help. Pull out that monstrous media personality you have, and put that on instead.” Kevin sniffed, glancing sideways at Matt and slowly released the table cloth. He wasn’t dignifying that insult with a response.

He decided keeping tabs on the Foxes might put him at ease. He settled only a bit with Matt at his side, but it was enough for now. He saw Nicky milling around with Renee on his arm, the pair talking in small whispers. Sheena and Allison were sat together at the other end of their table, Allison pointing out players and laughing with Sheena about old gossip. Aubrey kept tight to Itzel’s side, eyes wild and utterly overwhelmed. Neil and Andrew stood near Wymack; Neil left an absentminded hand on Andrew’s back as he spoke to Coach, the pair looking quite serious. Kevin didn’t miss the glances Wymack kept throwing his way.

Robin and Aaron sat awkwardly together in silence. Aaron looked uninterested in being there, and Robin seemed to itch to walk around. Jack sat opposite them, texting boredly on his phone.

He turned to see Amira with Dan at the table next to theirs, where she was being introduced to members of the JD Campbell Tornadoes. Kevin didn’t think them worth her time, which he had told her when they watched Wymack’s tapes, but she was determined to meet them nonetheless.

She was all smiles, soft tones and politeness as she spoke to the new people. Kevin nodded when Amira looked his way, and she gave a small thumbs up to him. He cocked a brow, leaning into Matt’s shoulder, flicking a lazy hand at Robin.

“She looks like she’s got ants in her pants. Take the puppy for a walk, would you?” Matt scolded him for that, watching him get up and leave. Kevin stood and sauntered over to Amira and Dan. The vodka seemed to be getting to him faster than he had expected – he felt his feet disobeying his mindful instructions to walk straight.

Although seeing Jean straight off the bat wasn’t his idea of staying out of trouble tonight, it was far better than bumping into any Ravens. And he knew Amira was pushing hard to meet him. He suspected she had the same admiration for him that Kevin did.

He touched her elbow whilst she was mid conversation with one of the JD players, who gawked at Kevin’s presence. He ignored her altogether and kept his eyes strictly on Amira, not wanting to engage in their conversation.

“Come with me, I’m introducing you to Jeremy.”

Her eyes widened a little, and she nodded keenly. She apologised to the girl she was speaking to, then thanked Dan for her introductions. Dan pointed a look at Kevin that he couldn’t quite read, her brows furrowed. That was probably her version of worrying for him, but Dan knew better than to sympathise with Kevin.

Amira politely waved goodbye to the people she met, and began to follow Kevin through the hall. She looked around in awe, watching as people tried to catch Kevin’s attention or say hello. He pretended he hadn’t heard them, and kept his eyes strictly on Jeremy, bee-lining straight towards him.

He grunted as Amira stopped him short of reaching the USC tables, and he whipped his head to her, scowling a little at the jarring stop.

“Sorry. Just checking, you sure you want to jump straight into uh – the Trojans? We can wait if you want.”

His brows creased as he flashed a hard look back at her, his fists balling up in the pocket of his suit.

“I’m fine. I don’t need you telling me I’m not. Don’t walk on eggshells around me.”

The sharpness made Amira pause. She gave a slight bob of her head, her dark eyes boring into his. He hated how endless they were, that pit of nothing. It made him feel lost. He rolled his shoulders uncomfortably and kept walking forth, Amira keeping close to his side.

His chest twisted in on itself as he finally caught sight of Jean’s face up close. He seemed to have gained colour in the west coast summer, his skin a couple shades tanner than his usual pale, sallowed colouring. But his eyes gave way to what Kevin saw reflected in his own mirror everyday – guarded, haunted pain, lurking like a clawed demon at all times. He had to force his stare away as Jeremy was waving excitedly at Kevin, a large grin on his face.

“Kevin! I was wondering when I would see you tonight. Didn’t think it would be so quick!”

Kevin smiled weakly, and upon paying attention to Jeremy, could see that his usual happy demeanour was clouded with something more hard. Kevin hoped it was caution for Jean, because he could feel Jean’s demeanour change entirely when Jeremy said Kevin’s name. Jeremy glanced at Jean, who’s full attention was now on Kevin. Something cold, terrible lingered in Jean’s eyes, and Kevin felt his back hackle up, readying for a fight.

The silence stretched on for too long, but thankfully Amira’s hand gently tapped Kevin’s elbow, and he remembered his reasoning for coming over in the first place.

“Right – Jeremy, Jean, this is one of the Foxes’ new dealers, Amira Choundury.”

He said it quieter than intended, and he forgot how Amira looked tonight, a beacon of shining, bright colour in this awful, stricken situation. She reached a hand nervously to Jeremy, who smiled graciously and then to Jean, who stared at it blankly. With a nudge from Jeremy, Jean remembered manners existed in normal society, and reached a hand forth to shake Amira’s. He flinched a little, as did Amira, who gave a gentle laugh.

“It’s the end of summer and you’re somehow walking around like a snowman in a suit. I’m a big fan of yours, Jean. Kevin tells me to study your footwork to improve mine – I’d like to think I might have bettered myself over the past few weeks, but I’m sure Kevin could pull out a detailed 12 page essay to tell you all otherwise.”

She spoke in a word-vomited stutter, and Kevin realised she was awestruck, despite miraculously pronouncing Jean’s name correctly. No one ever did. Jean watched her with a confused frown, glancing at Kevin then at Jeremy, and back at Amira.

“I didn’t know David Wymack knew how to pick… intelligent players.”

Amira blinked at his thick, French accent, then let out a snorty laugh, shaking her head. Kevin watched her with raised eyebrows, thankful as her nervous rambling made her take the centre of attention. It made his mind melt away from everything around them, even if he knew it would be a short lived reprieve.

“As much as I’m sure Coach would have liked that, he’s a little too good at picking his damaged players. But I think we don’t mind it that way.”

It was a factual reply, and she watched as Jean stared at Kevin. Jeremy cleared his throat, hands in his pockets and turned to Amira.

“Well – it’s lovely to see you’re enjoying your time at Palmetto. If Kevin’s put in such an investment, you must be good. If you ever get tired of Kevin’s nagging, feel free to come to the west coast. The sunshine is better over there.”

He grinned as he said it, Amira blushing and nodding shyly. Kevin was astounded. She was one to treat people as – well, people. Never any different to herself, never on a pedestal. She seemed to hate that Kevin and Neil thrived in the elevated celebrity that exy gave them. But here she was, a bumbling mess.

“I like the nagging, it keeps me on my toes. And I’ve never been to Cali before. It looks lovely though. I’d love to meet the rest of your team, if you’d be so lovely as to introduce me?”

Jeremy blinked, still seemingly not used to someone like this being a Fox. He glanced between Jean and Kevin, looking somewhat cautious but he nodded at Amira’s request, leading the way to Cat and Laila, leaving Jean and Kevin alone.

They stared at one another for far too long. Kevin felt himself soaking in the poisonous, embittered suffering oozing from Jean’s very being. They couldn’t take their eyes away from each other. Kevin didn’t miss the bandages on his neck and wrist. Kevin loosened his tie, as if that would help him circulate air. It felt like an eon before either of them spoke up.

“How’s it been on the Trojans so far?”

A million different questions plagued Kevin’s mind, but he felt if he spoke too much, Jean would either leave or punch him.

Jean’s eyes bore into his, daggers piercing his chest as he did so.

“Hot. Too much sunshine. But they play well.”

His voice was cold, flat as he stood in front of Kevin. Kevin glanced behind him, and saw Jeremy watching from close by. Did he not trust Kevin with Jean? Or did he not trust Jean with Kevin? That left a slight hole in his stomach, as either one wasn’t something that Kevin wanted Jeremy to think of him. He respected Jeremy, and hated the idea that he may not fully return the ideal.

Kevin felt awkward, unsure of how to converse with him anymore. Neither knew how to be friends outside of their bonded trauma. It wasn’t something either would be good at resolving either. When Jean spoke next, it was in harsh, clipped French.

“You stink of vodka, Kevin. Not becoming dependent on it, are you? That is pathetic, even for your standards.”

Kevin’s eyes widened at his accusation, and he frowned defensively, shoving his hands deep into his pockets to hide his trembling fists. Kevin replied back in French, but felt himself concaving inside himself.

“Even if I were, it would be none of your business Jean. Surely you have enough of your own shit to fix as it is.”

It was an unfair stab, aimed to get Jean off his back. It didn’t work though, as he suddenly closed the space between them, centimetres from his face. Jean was only marginally taller, but looked down on Kevin with icy malice.

Kevin could feel the hatred radiating off of Jean, and he opened his mouth to speak, but stopped short when Jean looked over his shoulder.

Kevin turned his head, and saw that Renee had walked over. Kevin closed his eyes in relief, as Jean immediately stood back from Kevin, eyes glued on Renee. He knew how much of a stake Renee had in Jean’s wellbeing – she genuinely cared for him, and for a while, thought that maybe they were together.

But when Jean went to the Trojans, she slowly stopped talking about him altogether. Yet they seemed to have no ill feelings. Renee reached forward, arms wide and pulled Jean into a fierce hug. Jean blinked, and seemed to not realise how much he had needed it. Kevin felt awkward, and used the moment to escape from the choking air of Jean’s resentment.

Kevin quickly joined Jeremy and Amira, where she was talking shyly but excitedly with a group of Trojans. Jeremy looked worried when he saw Kevin but not Jean, and relaxed when he looked over to see Renee and Jean talking quietly together.

Kevin watched Jeremy’s expression, and couldn’t quite pinpoint the dazed look in his eyes. He wanted to avoid having to speak to the rest of the Trojans, and stood beside Jeremy, folding his arms tightly across his chest. He subconsciously kept an eye out for any Ravens or members of staff, his jaw clenching tight at any flash of someone that resembled the terrors of his past.

“How’s Jean going with the team?”

Jeremy looked at Kevin thoughtfully, unsure of how to answer it. It shouldn’t be a difficult question to answer - right?

“He’s – getting there. Why don’t you ask him?” It was gentle, but Kevin remained unmoving. He bit his cheeks a little, probably harder than necessary. Pain was an easy focus to glue his body to his soul. When he started to taste blood, he swallowed and answered Jeremy.

“I did. Got the sense he wanted to answer with a fist in my face.”

It was blunt enough for Jeremy to leave it alone. Kevin observed the way Jeremy’s eyes never left Jean’s whereabouts for too long. He was watching who was around Jean, interacting with him. It was a fierce protectiveness no one else had ever had of Jean. Something that Kevin likely should have been in charge of. But he knew Jean would shred him to bits if he tried. Jeremy glanced sideways at Kevin before continuing in a low voice.

“I wish he wasn’t so – the obedience thing is a bit of a throw off. We just don’t do that here - I’m trying to change the way he approaches teamwork, his playing style – we aren’t there yet. But we will be.”

Kevin bit his lip, watching Jeremy speak. A pain in Kevin’s chest erupted again, as thoughts of Jean being stuck in the Nest – abandoned by him, left again by Neil – cut him so deep he thought his legs would give out. Jeremy seemed to notice, as he now had his attention fully on Kevin, reaching an arm out to steady him.

“It’s not an easy night for either of you, Kevin. I’m sorry you have to be here. When Coach Rhemann told us – Jean just left. We couldn’t find him for 3 days. After all the Ravens that died over the summer. I was so scared he had tried to join that number.”

The terror in Jeremy’s face, that paling, melting fear, was for Jean. The fact that he had been gone for so long. Kevin only managed a nod, digging his nails into his fists as hard as he could. He kept doing it until he felt broken skin. By then, he had steadied a bit, and shrugged off Jeremy’s hand. Jeremy sighed, turning his attention back to watching Jean, deciding a change of topic would be best to distract Kevin.

“Amira is an interesting addition to the team - you have 6 new players, right? How have they been so far?”

Kevin groaned at the mention of the new Foxes, eyes rolling into the back of his head.

“Deplorable at best. They need a lot more kneading to be of any use to me.”

Jeremy laughed at that, easing up a little as he turned to face Kevin.

“Always high expectations with Mr Kevin Day, isn’t it?”

Kevin cocked his brows in agreement, glancing over as Amira rejoined the pair, her face flushed and happy. She seemed at her best when she was learning, absorbing new information, new people, new experiences. To have that much light in life, Kevin didn’t understand how she could bear it. She waddled over to him when she saw him looking, readjusting her glasses on her face.

“Can we go see the Bearcats?”

Kevin pursed his lips distastefully, as he had told her that they were a waste of time as well. She watched him persistently, waving the fabric of her saree around as she waited for him. Jeremy smiled at her then, looking bemused.

“Their captain is a bit of a hard ass, but their dealers are pretty nice. That would be good for you I imagine. I hope my Trojans weren’t too excitable, I know how overwhelming they can be when they’re all together.”

Amira turned to Jeremy then, admiration shining in her eyes.

“You have a brilliant team, Jeremy. I can see you reflected in every single one of them. Your principles, your sportsmanship, your love for the game – it’s great. You’re a standout captain, and I really can’t wait to play against you guys.”

Jeremy looked floored, flushed with pride. He glanced back at his team fondly, then to Amira.

“They go alright, don’t they? I’m excited to see what you bring to the court. Now go get socialising – if you have Kevin at your side, it will be endless. He tends to attract – well, just about everyone.”

She giggled, reaching out and shaking his hand again in goodbye, nudging for Kevin to follow her.

She led the way, trying to get to the Bearcats but was held up by a photographer waving in Kevin’s face. He was a beady man in a fedora, and he shook his camera at them.

“Mind if I get a photo Kevin? Been trying to snatch ya all night matey – you’re a hidey little bugger tonight.”

Kevin sucked his lips in and nodded slowly, trying not to roll his eyes at the man’s stupid English accent. He glanced at Amira, who stood waiting at the side. He furrowed his brows in thought and reached out a hand, waving her forward.

“I’m not doing this alone, get over here.”

She glanced at the photographer timidly, then back at him. He tried not to think of the bruise marinating under her makeup as she moved toward him. If he looked too long, he could faintly see it, and his stomach squirmed.

However, the photographer reached out with a huff and shoved her to the side. She stumbled a bit, grabbing Kevin’s sleeve to stay up right.

“Not you lovey, just him.”

She frowned disapprovingly, and Kevin knew she would be too polite to tell him off, so he cut in before she would speak. Kevin moved his hand so quick toward the man’s camera that he squeaked, wrapping his fist around around the lens, glowering.

“Don’t be a pig. You’ll be apologising now, won’t you?”

Kevin felt his patience thinning as the man just stood gaping, and he tightened his grip on the camera. He heard a slight creak, and the man winced, quickly nodding and apologising profusely to Amira. He looked terrified. Amira sucked her lips in, eyes bright with amusement.

Kevin held up a his index finger, beckoning her forth. She moved beside him, and suddenly the pair were unsure of how to pose. She flicked him a look, and he lowered his eyes a little. She wrapped an arm around him, but a part of her saree got caught. He reached down, gently straightening it out for her. He knew the guy was flashing as many pictures as possible. He rolled his eyes to himself and stood up, raising a brow at Amira’s mousy look.

He slowly put an arm around her shoulders, careful not to snag any of the embellishments of her outfit. Once he was happy with it, he gave the photographer his most dazzling, fake smile. He looked at Amira, who had a tiny, close-lipped smile.

The photographer waved in thanks and scurried away from them as quickly as he could, fearful of any more rebukes from Kevin. Amira burst out laughing as soon as he left.

“I thought he was going to shit himself then and there.”

Kevin shrugged indifferently. They got stopped by another photographer, who looked bored and just wanted to get the job done. He wrapped an arm around Amira’s waist, and she wrapped one around him. She held up a peace sign with her other hand, and Kevin rolled his eyes at the dorkiness. The photographer mumbled a thanks and moved off boredly.

Andrew appeared then, Neil at his side and Andrew raised an eyebrow as his arm was still around Amira. Kevin cleared his throat and moved to the side, and Amira waved in greeting, moving forward and grabbing Neil’s hand. Neil watched wide eyed as she waved their twined fingers around, reciting her meeting the Trojans and Jean. Kevin saw a twitch in Neil’s jaw at the mention of Jean, but Amira steamrolled through with her blabbering. Neil relaxed a little and let her speak, despite being weirded out but her hand holding. Andrew moved to Kevin’s side, yanking his tie to bring Kevin’s ear to his mouth.

“They’re all watching. Snakes in the grass. Wouldn’t it be more beneficial if they just came out? I’d be having more fun that way.”

Kevin felt his body tingle. He could never understand why the way he reacted to panic changed so often – it attacked his body in so many ways that he couldn’t keep track anymore. Neil watched them closely, but let Amira keep talking. Kevin chose not to say anything and feign ignorance. If he didn’t see it, it wasn’t real.

Eventually, Amira forced Kevin to continue the rounds of greetings, and they made their way to each team, an exhausting venture that Kevin could barely stand. The only benefit was that other people had brought alcohol too. He managed to keep up getting free sips from people’s flasks or full bottles that they had brought in backpacks. Up until the Bearcats, he noticed the Ravens had been fairly absent. He wasn’t sure what Andrew was talking about. But then he started to notice them.

They lurked, slowly following Kevin wherever Amira took him. He saw them talking to other players in groups, with a robotic enthusiasm that felt sickening. He overheard them speaking in sweet voices, buttering up every player, coach, staff member they interacted with. He felt the hair on his nape stand on end, goosebumps travelling along his arms. They still wore their carbon-copy black suits, looking like swift shadows as they moved around the hall.

He knew Amira had noticed, but she refused to acknowledge it. She urged Kevin to join every conversation he had, keeping him at her side, and forcing him to speak on trivial topics he’d rather have stabbed knives into his eyes than contribute to. It was grinding on his patience, and he felt irritation start to spurt from his paranoia

Every side eye glance he gave a Raven, he felt they were only closing in, trying to get a confrontation out of him. Kevin dug his hands into his fists again, shoving them in his pant pockets. He decided to keep his eyes upward at the ceiling. It was a large dome, beautifully sculpted, decorated with over dramatic chandeliers. He watched one of them swaying side to side, the lights blurring gently as they moved. The alcohol wasn’t being the sweet reprieve as usual, and he wanted to smash everything to bits. He wished he could rip down the chandeliers, drive them into people’s bodies, into his own chest. Hammer the stone, destroy the place piece by piece. He knew if he had to speak to anyone else tonight, he was going to lose that camera facade he had always worked so hard to keep. To protect people from seeing how terribly broken he was.

He heard a familiar voice then and was taken from his thoughts. He looked back down as Jeremy, Jean and Renee had joined them. Jeremy’s earlier cheeriness had vanished in place of a grim frown. Jean looked pale and Renee seemed to be carefully sheltering her frustration. She looked Kevin up and down before speaking.

“You see what they’re doing too, don’t you?”

Kevin’s eyes seemed unable to meet hers, but he nodded. The overt stalking, predator on prey, left a shaking anxiety in his chest that rattled with every breath he took. Amira looked at Renee, pushing her glasses up on her face and nodded back at their table.

“Maybe we should go back to Coach.”

That suggestion made Kevin whip his attention to Amira, his fists trembling with anger. He likely would have agreed, but the alcohol had his panic morphing from fear to anxiety to anger to frustration. Her eyes widened slightly at his expression, Jeremy watching on confusedly.

“I am not cowering behind Wymack just because they want to act like animalistic assholes. Do you think I’m that pathetic, Amira? Do you think me incapable of dealing with this?”

It was a quipped, sharp scolding. He felt a drunken rage coming on, and Renee opened her mouth to call Kevin off of it, but Amira spoke first. She was watchful, patient.

“I think you’re terrified, Kevin. Your cowardice isn’t in being scared – it’s trying to pretend you’re braver than you are. Being scared isn’t a flaw or a weakness. It just means you’re human.”

Kevin laughed at that, taking out a fist from his pocket and grabbing Amira’s top. He didn’t realise he had made his own hand bleed from digging in so hard, as blood now seeped into the sheer fabric of her saree.

“What do you know about terror, Amira?”

She went still, and a deep frown formed on her face. He hated that he said it – because it was so incorrect and insensitive, so awfully selfish of him to lash out. But he didn’t care. He was too angry, everything in him felt heightened, electrified by his paranoia. Jeremy went to intervene but Renee stopped him, shaking her head. Jean watched with a blank, unreadable expression at what was unfolding. Amira slowly came back into herself, clicking her tongue at him.

“I think you’re in so much pain you don’t know how to handle it, Kevin. You bite at the hands that feed you – you internalise everything that is going on, because you don’t know how to open up. You’re too old for that now, Kevin. You’re responsible for your own pain. Lashing out, pushing away at everyone willing to help will only isolate you. And loneliness kills.”

The last two words struck a nerve deep inside of him, and his grip on her tightened. He felt the eyes of other people around them watching, and only let go when Jean, who had said nothing, removed his hand from Amira. Jean stared at her ruined outfit, a gentle hand reaching forth to try flatten some of the creases. She patted his arm, silently telling him not to worry.

He turned to Kevin then, his eyes hardening.

“She’s right Kevin, and she’s only known you what, a few weeks? But I think you’re a coward because you’re selfish. You only care about yourself. You never care if anyone suffers the bullet, as long as it isn’t you. Your history of spinelessness is never ending, isn’t it?”

It was such a stinging, visceral wound from Jean that he had to take a step back. He could feel his vision blackening at the edges. Jeremy, Renee, Amira watching him, and Jean’s broken, scathing glare. He shook his head a bit and scowled, shoving Jean back from him.

“Fuck you, Jean. Fuck you. It was my so called ‘spinelessness’ that got me out of Edgar Allen. It got me on a winning team within a year. It skyrocketed me to being the number 1 exy player in Class I. Maybe you should take some, instead of coddling every broken fucking piece of yourself and wallowing in self pity.”

Renee’s eyes widened, and she went to yell at Kevin, as did Jeremy, but Jean held up a hand, his jaw twitching in a rage. They both fell silent at his asking, and Jean moved closer to Kevin, a cold, bitter smile lighting up his now terribly paled face.

“We’ll be back in 5 minutes.”

Without another word, Jean had Kevin by the arm, and was dragging him out of the hall and into the endless maze of hallways surrounding them.

Chapter Text

Jean’s grip on Kevin’s arm was tight as he dragged him through the many decorated alcoves that lined the hallways. He took multiple turns, his walking so fast that Kevin nearly stumbled trying to keep up. Eventually, Jean stopped them in a spacious alcove, with seating along tall, looming windows. The views of the rest of the university were spread in front of them, and the moonlight shone in, bright and piercing. It highlighted every piece of Jean’s beautiful face, and Kevin’s rage melted, feeling himself falling apart. When Jean turned on Kevin, whispering in trembling French, Kevin felt a pain only too familiar to his own shattered heart.

“I wouldn’t have so many broken pieces to fucking fix if you hadn’t made me promise you to stay. To live. Just to be fucking abandoned, forgotten like trash. You are an abomination, Kevin Day. A selfish, spineless, uncaring asshole.”

Each insult was another knife Jean wielded into his gut, and the unrelenting rage in his eyes was more painful than anything Riko had ever done to Kevin. Because the rage wasn’t full of anger, or of hatred. It was sadness, hurt. Kevin knew his leaving the Nest meant leaving Jean – he knew the repercussions would be awful. But neither of them would be alive if he hadn’t. It’s the only defense he had for himself. And maybe it was a pathetic thing to grasp onto, but at least it was the truth, and at least they were both still alive.

“Jean, do you think I wanted to leave you? Do you think I left you there for fun? I was too busy trying not to fucking die, not to bleed out to come back for you. Should I have? Would that have helped? You wouldn’t have followed. You were an abused dog, too scared to leave your violent owner. We would have both been dead if I came begging for you to come with me. But here we are – alive. Not in the Nest. Not with Riko. Not a Raven. I can’t fucking change what I did Jean. I did what I had to do. And now, for better or worse, at least we are both alive for it.”

Kevin didn’t know when it had happened, but Jean had Kevin’s suit fisted in his palms, and had shoved him back against the stone wall. Jean’s pale eyes were glass - one touch from being broken forever. Kevin had an itch to reach up, smooth a thumb over his brow. He felt Jean’s fists trembling against his chest, and Kevin reached up ever so slowly, and placed his hand over one of Jean’s. He tensed, froze for a moment before shoving himself back, letting go completely. He worked his tie off his his neck and hung it loosely around his neck, breathing hard.

For minutes they stood in unbroken silence, and Kevin felt Jean was doing the same thing he was: trying not to fall apart.

Loud footsteps echoed in the hallway then, and Kevin tensed, forgetting where they were, but luckily, it was only Jeremy, Amira at his side. Jeremy glanced between Kevin and Jean, and his eyes flashed momentarily with anger, before reeling himself in. Amira watched Jean, who was quietly suffering, trying to hide his struggling breaths from them all. Amira stepped forward ever so slowly, and that was when Kevin saw what she had in her hand: a tall glass, full of ice cubes. She reached a hand out cautiously and tapped Jean ever so gently on his forearm.

Jean flinched, confusion etched across his brow. Amira tugged at his sleeves, silently asking him to open his palm to her. He frowned and stared, unsure what was happening but he did as she wanted. She then picked up an ice cube from her cup and placed it in his palm, and closed his fingers one by one over it. Jeremy watched on, mesmerised as Jean sniffed, clutching the ice and closing his eyes. The biting cold seemed to anchor him, the ice dripping from his palm as he clutched to it for dear life. Jeremy came forward then, placing a hand on Jean’s shoulder, which Jean leaned a little into. Kevin narrowed his eyes, watching closely as Jeremy guided Jean a little back from them all. Jean trusted Jeremy. It was odd to Kevin’s eyes – something gross and jealous snaked through him at the thought. He watched Amira, who glanced at Kevin first then back at Jean.

“I’m sorry you have to be here tonight, Jean. I don’t quite know the full extent of what happened but I see it everyday in Kevin’s eyes that it wasn’t good.”

Kevin’s stomach squirmed at that. Was he that obvious or was she just overly observant?

“I know I don’t know you, and it isn’t my place, but from what I can see, you are handling it much better than what you are being credited for. Survive tonight like you have survived thousands before. This time with someone like Jeremy at your side.”

Jeremy blinked, glancing at Jean who seemed unable to take his eyes off of her. Kevin watched Jeremy wipe his eyes, and had never seen the captain look so anxious before. Jean stayed a moment longer, looking over to Jeremy and nodded at the hallway for them both to leave. Jeremy nodded in agreement, mouthing a thankyou to Amira, but stopped short when the alcove they were in became suddenly blocked by 4 people in suits.
Kevin locked up, and the world seemed to tilt. Ravens. All four of them. Something of a choke seemed to come out of Jean’s mouth, and Jeremy smoothly moved to stand in front of him, plastering a large, warm smile onto his face. The tightness to it was so unnatural, Kevin reeled a little back, unsure what to do. Amira looked to Jeremy, then to the 4 people with uncertainty. She moved a little to the side, which partially blocked Kevin’s sight of them.

He knew who they were, and so did Jean. It was all of Kevin’s old fellow strikers. Brayden, Cameron, Phil and Sergio.

Brayden was the largest, both in height and size. He was somewhere in height between Kevin and Jean, but he was all thick, hard muscle and cruel, toothy grin. Cameron was shorter, skinnier but lean, with a crazed smile. Phil watched on as if this was going to be the most entertaining night of his life, and Sergio simply stood bored, arms folded, wishing he could be anywhere but there. It was Brayden who spoke first.

“Jean! Kevin! I almost thought we wouldn’t have our little reunion tonight! We have been looking everywhere for you!”

He stepped forward with a hand out to shake Jean’s, but Jeremy smoothly stepped forward and took it instead. Kevin knew Brayden would be crushing his hand, but Jeremy didn’t flinch, didn’t let it scare him, only did it back with as much power and heat that he could will of himself.

“Ahh – captain of the Gold Court. Thief of our darling backliner. It’s awfully rude to steal other people’s things, you know.”

He held Jeremy’s stare coolly, a predator ready to attack. Jeremy laughed, a loud, warm echo in the shadows of the alcove.

“You can’t call it theft when he was never anyone’s to own. And his name is Jean. You’ll do well to call him that.”

Brayden’s laugh boomed a little too loudly, echoing in the expanse of space above them. Sergio stood in silence, arms folded and expression bored, whilst Cameron and Phil laughed at Jeremy as well. Cameron stepped forward, walking in a slow circle around Jeremy.

“It’s so unfortunate, your stupidity, Jeremy Knox. We thought you were smarter than this. Surely dear Jean has explained that once you’re a Raven, you’re always a Raven. One way or another. We are so glad they came tonight – came home. We’re here to take them back to the Castle, to reunite with everyone. It’s such a lovely night for it, surely you wouldn’t wish to interrupt such a warm, welcoming reunion?”

Kevin felt everything fade away. So this was what their end game was. Get them back into Evermore. Jean shrank back, and Kevin saw on his face what was likely etched on his own - complete, utter terror. Kevin’s stomach bottomed out, and the alcohol from yesterday and today seemed determined to come up at the same time. Kevin tried to hold it back, but he couldn’t control it. He threw up, all over his suit and shoes. Kevin coughed, trembling on the spot, and Jean watched him in frozen horror. Amira kept her back to Kevin, but had slowly moved to block his path entirely from the others. Kevin felt the space closing in on them all entirely. His vision felt spotty, his ears buzzing. Was he real anymore? He didn’t feel it. He didn’t want to feel either.

Jeremy glanced at Kevin, and the calm facade he had shattered, panic plastering his face. Phil laughed at Kevin’s throwing up, Serigo watching with disgust. Cameron stalked forward with a taunting smile, his eyes devoid of anything but cruel hunger.

“See, Knox - look how unwell they are when they aren’t in our care. Fantastic! Piss Pants Moreau is back – how pathetic, Jean. How many times have we gone through this with you? We go to the toilet when we need to pee.”

Kevin was barely able to register anything outside the ringing in his head, the fading vision in his eyes but he glanced sideways at Jean – he had wet himself.

Jeremy grabbed Jean’s arm in alarm, and Cameron came close to Jeremy then, leaning in uncomfortably close.

“I suggest you walk away, Jeremy. This is none of your business. We will forever own them. Their very existence is tied to this team, this legacy, and -”

He stopped short, as Amira had suddenly spoke up, her face devoid of any expression. She glanced at Jeremy, a twinge of apology in her face before turning to Cameron.

“What legacy? The one where your entire team came undone in the span of one season, because of one player leaving? Where Kevin’s quitting was a domino effect to the ruined reputation of your utmost prestige? One that you will likely never build back up again? All of that, because Kevin decided not to be an imprisoned fighting dog anymore. Doesn’t seem like a legacy at all – seems like a failure of your entire ethos.”

Kevin almost forgot Amira was there, but he blanched when she spoke up. Why did she do that? They were completely ignoring her presence up until then. Her tone was quiet as she stared at the four Ravens. Cameron smiled, ugly and violent as he moved curiously toward her. Kevin felt his entire body stiffen.

She didn’t move, didn’t cower. Didn’t flinch when Cameron’s eyes roved her body from head to toe, or when he reached out and picked up a strand of her hair, ever so slowly tucking it behind her ear, keeping his hand there. She kept her eyes on his, unmoving, almost peaceful under his gaze. She didn’t move his hand either, where it now rested, clutching a fistful of her hair behind her ear. He tugged slowly, Amira tilting her head back at the action, and brought his face close to hers. An ugly rage flitted behind his eyes. Kevin suddenly had a vision of ripping Cameron’s eyes out, but it wasn’t enough to undo the terrified lock up of his body, trying to protect itself.

“That’s quite the observation for an irrelevant nobody. Another addition to the pathetic Foxhole Court, I assume? You always did like the pretty ones, Kevin. Is that why you spent so much time with dear Jean? Let lovely Thea dominate you?”

Jeremy eyes flashed between Kevin and Jean, but then went to Amira in alarm as Cameron held onto her hair. Brayden stood carefully in the way, so that Jeremy wouldn’t interrupt. Cameron brushed a thumb slowly from Amira’s jaw, down to her neck, cradling the side of it. How Amira didn’t move, Kevin would never know, but he wished with every bone of his body he could just move, snap and annihilate Cameron then and there. Why couldn’t he just fight back? Why was his terror so in control of him? Cameron crooned at Amira.

“But this one is awfully disrespectful, speaking back like that. Do you not teach them how to be obedient over there, Kevin? I can think of more than one way, if you wanted the help. I would suggest face down on a mattress, to stop the screaming and crying of course. This lovely long hair would be wonderful to rip from her scalp from behind. I wonder how nice she feels inside?”

He bit his bottom lip as he stared down at Amira, who became a statue under his grip. Jeremy’s horror wasn’t enough to break free. Brayden now had a hand on his arm, locked on so tight that if Jeremy moved, something would break. Amira’s eyes clouded with something indecipherable, and in an action so sudden Kevin thought he was dreaming, she had dropped her cup of ice, and reached both hands up for him. With one gripping the base of Cameron’s tie, the other gripping the side of his neck, she whipped her head back and smashed her forehead into Cameron’s nose. Her glasses broke instantly, and Cameron yelled in surprise. But she didn’t stop there. She held a death grip on him, and was smashing her head into his, again and again and again. Cameron’s nose began to pour with blood after the 3rd hit, the unexpecting movement catching him so completely off guard that he fell back to the floor after the 6th one. Amira’s face was now covered in his blood, and she still had on her polite, lovely smile.

Jean yelled in alarm as Brayden swore, moving forward in a flash, grabbing Amira hard by the arms, slamming her back into a wall. He raised one hand and smashed a flat palm hard and fast, square into her nose. A pained whimper escaped her lips, blood instantly dribbling forth. It looked broken. Something in Kevin cracked then; primal fury thawed his frozen fear, and he lost all sense of his surroundings.

He reached for Brayden in one swift move, one hand grabbing his hair, the other his shoulder, and pulled downwards with enough rage he hoped it broke his skull. Brayden’s head thunked against the stone, and the hit dazed him. Phil had moved for Amira as well, but Jeremy was there first, shoving him in the chest so hard, he stumbled into Sergio. He scowled at Phil’s clumsiness. Now no longer bored but fired up as if someone had lit a flame, Sergio sent a fist driving into Jeremy’s ribs. Jeremy wasn’t one for fighting, as he failed to dodge it and he gasped, keeling over in pain.

The sounds that escaped Jeremy seemed to activate Jean, as he had suddenly lifted a booted foot so high that he kicked Sergio square in the chest, sending him falling back, sprawling on the ground. He lay there, gasping for air and squirming in panic.

A guttural noise escaped Kevin as he grabbed at Phil, who tried to now go for Jean. Phil was dirty, and went straight for Kevin’s groin, only narrowly missing due to Jean grabbing Phil’s arm and twisting it back painfully. Kevin held the other, and kicked hard behind Phil’s knee, forcing him to the ground. Phil writhed under their joined containment of them, eyes wide with fury.

“Fuck you, you pathetic, unloyal assholes. You both should have died instead of Riko. The Master will get you back – you are nothing - you always be fucking nothing -”

Phil spat in his rage, but Jean twisted his arm harder, causing him to scream instead. Jean and Kevin eyed one another at the mention of their former coach. As far as they were aware, he was in Japan. Did he still have contact with his Ravens? Jeremy was slowly getting to his feet, groaning painfully and clutching his ribs. Amira still stood against the wall, looking dazed, wiping uselessly at the blood pouring out of her nose. Blood was in her eyes, which watered, her lips stained red by it too. Her hair stuck to her face, and she started to look faint.

Kevin made the mistake of keeping his eyes on her for too long, as Brayden had managed enough strength to tackle him from behind, shoving him so hard down on the stone that he lost all air. Kevin sent fisted hands at anything that moved in front of him, gasping as felt he had knocked Brayden at least a few times. But Brayden had the upper hand, as he had twisted and rolled around to being on top of Kevin. He pushed every bit of his weight down onto Kevin’s core, winding him further. As he straddled him, he used a foot to pin one forearm down and the other pressed on his scarred hand. Pressure built up from the weight Brayden put on it, and he grinned as Kevin stilled underneath him. Jean’s eyes widened, Phil still squirming beneath Jean’s arm pin, trying to break loose.

“You’ll never be better than us, you fucking vermin. Let’s see how much crushing it takes for them to remove it completely.”

Brayden smiled greedily, as his foot began to push down on Kevin’s. Kevin refused to make a sound, gritting his teeth as hard as he could, thrashing beneath Brayden, unable to break free. His hand began to strain under the weight, fiery, sharp agony spreading throughout. Just as Brayden’s pressure was at the point of crushing his bones, it suddenly eased, as Jean and Amira had moved forward at the same time. Jean had heard Phil thud to the ground, and Kevin guessed Jean had knocked him out cold.

Jean grabbed Brayden around the neck, twisting back so hard Kevin thought he could have broken it. Amira had kicked Brayden's ankle sideways, which now slid off of Kevin’s damaged hand, freeing all pressure that was on it. A panicked breath escaped Kevin’s lips, eyes glassy in relief that his hand was free. Jean had pulled and slammed Brayden down on his back, standing up to kick him repeatedly in the side. Each kick was harder than the last, and Kevin feared he wouldn’t stop.

Brayden yelled in pain, almost certainly clutching a broken rib or two. Amira sank to her knees beside Kevin, holding her nose in one hand, the other on the ground, trying to keep from passing out. She was wheezing, breathing heavily through her mouth, and Kevin sat up quickly, placing a hand on her back to steady her. She was mumbling undecipherable words, and lifted a hand to pat his face. Her hand was covered in her own blood, or Cameron’s, he didn’t know, but it smeared all over him. He guessed she was trying to ask if he was okay, but it came out more like ‘arboo bokay.’ He nodded and turned to check on Jeremy and Jean.

Jean moved to kick at Cameron, but Jeremy had managed to grab him, dragging him back. He was muttering quickly into Jean’s ear, and the proximity and warmth of Jeremy’s hold seemed to calm him.

In as graceful timing as ever, Wymack had appeared outside the alcove, his eyes wide not with anger, but acute panic. He was breathless, as if he had been running a marathon. Kevin knew that had to hurt because of his old injury, and he put his hands on his hips, the panic melting as he took in sight of Kevin. But when he took the time to analyse the rest of the scene before him, his face changed into something of calmed anger.

“Kevin - I have been looking for you for the last half an hour. What the fuck happened?”

He frowned, unable to keep one emotion as he took in Amira’s bloody, half conscious face, and he frowned, moving forward and kneeling in front of her. Andrew appeared moments later, waltzing over casually, smiling at the amount of Ravens littering the floor, all in various states of injury. Renee appeared a second later, looking breathless and her eyes widened at the scene before her. Jeremy had finally managed to calm Jean down, who now sat on the floor, hugging his knees, fingers digging into himself. Jeremy stood behind him, still holding his side, nodding in greeting at Andrew. Jean glared at Andrew distastefully.

“Kevin! Having all this fun without me? And with Jeremy Knox no less! That’s no fair. I bet he wasn’t even good.” Andrew pouted, toeing a boot at Brayden, who was moaning and scowling, trying to swat lamely at Andrew’s foot. Wymack looked back, glaring at Andrew and waved a hand.

“Andrew, go be useful and get Abby. I think her nose is broken. Renee, go with him please”

Andrew moved to get a better look at Amira, who now couldn’t keep her eyes open. Her forehead and brow were swelling from the head butts, and Coach was using his suit jacket to stop the bleeding. Andrew gave a nod before turning and leaving without another word, Renee on his tail. Wymack put a hand on Kevin’s leg, shaking it for his attention. Kevin had zoned out. He couldn’t take his eyes on Amira. Her poor face – first from him yesterday, now from Cameron. Her outfit was ruined. Where there was purple, there were dripped stains of red, soaking the sheer saree, staining her satin skirt. He slowly dragged his eyes to Wymack, feeling tired nothingness. He pulled out his flask, which thankfully stayed in his pocket, and took a swig, before handing it to Jean. Jean took it slowly and drank some, scowling distastefully.

“You still have shit taste after all this time Kevin.”

Kevin looked at him, and a faint, tired laugh escaped his lips. He wasn’t sure how he managed that sound. He barely laughed in good circumstances. Jean curled his lips in disgust, but handed the flask to Jeremy, who took it none too happily from him. Wymack watched them carefully, looking up as Andrew arrived back not only with Abby, but Neil in tow. Renee had stayed behind to inform the Foxes of what had occurred. Neil paused where he was, looking between everyone, but eyes landing on Jean. He gave a slow nod to him, which Jean returned grudgingly. Abby winced at the state of them all, and immediately moved to Amira’s side. She frowned angrily as she examined, using wet napkins to wipe away the blood.

“Something’s definitely wrong, hopefully it’s just displaced. Nothing that can’t be fixed, but we need to get her back to the bus David. What do we do about the rest of them?”

She waved to the other boys littering the floor, and Wymack frowned. He handed his jacket to Abby, and leaned down to whisper into Amira’s ear. She nodded slightly and Wymack put his arms under her back and knees, scooping her up with ease. Kevin could tell his hip was in agony, the way he put all his weight on his left side, but he refused to acknowledge it. Amira leant her head against Coach’s chest, breathing unevenly through her mouth.

“You are sofbt, warm tebby bear, Coach.”

It was a wheezed, slightly delusional statement, but it brought forth a chuckle from Abby, even Wymack trying to suppress a smile, thankful that she was still conscious. Kevin got to his feet, trying to ignore the shooting pains in his hand. He massaged it absentmindedly, and gently swatted at Abby as she tried to examine it.

“I’m fine. Help her.”

Abby frowned, staring at his vomit covered suit, but turned up from him, glancing at Wymack on what to do next. He watched them all, and sighed, shaking his head.

“Neil, can you go get Coach Rhemann. Tell him David asked, and to help try clean this up. Jeremy, Jean, Kevin, get up and come with me. Andrew, can you watch these 4 until Rhemann comes?”

Wymack seemed unhappy to be tasking Andrew with this, as the gleam in his eyes said he couldn’t think of anything better. But he didn’t have another choice. He turned, but Amira tapped her fingers on his chest to get his attention.

“I starbted it Coach – I starbted it. Make sure Rhemann knows- so Jebemy and Bean donb’nt get in trouble.”

Wymack raised an eyebrow in surprise. He looked up at Neil, who nodded to confirm he got the message, and ran off to find Rhemann. Abby looked at Kevin and Jean, sighing tiredly.

“Can you two get us out of here without having to go through the main hall? I want to get us to the bus. I have my medical kit in there.”

Jean and Kevin looked at one another, nodding and the pair stepped in side by side, as natural as it had been their whole lives. They led the way through the outer corridors, to a side door that led to an open courtyard, lined with beautiful, full trees. They continued along around to the front, and lead them to the carpark. There were confused people they passed that couldn’t be avoided, but none of them dared stop to answer questions. Kevin took over then, finally getting them to the bus. Abby took the keys out of Wymack’s back pocket, unlocking it and ushering them all in. Jeremy stayed at the rear, as Wymack layed Amira down on the front seats. Abby got to work then, gently wiping up the rest of the blood on her face.

Jean stood a bit further back, not wanting to sit with his wet suit. Jeremy sunk down tiredly on a seat beside him. Kevin stood in the row behind where Amira lay, watching Abby clean her up. Once the blood was gone, Kevin winced at what was left behind. He knew the bruises would come overnight, but the swelling brow and misshapen nose were a sight for concern. Amira winced, tears slipping through her closed eyes as Abby touched around her nose. Abby whispered guilty apologies.

“I think I can put it back in place – it appears to be a nasal bone shift, which I can realign. But I need to numb it, but I only have numbing cream. I can’t put you under anaesthesia, you’d have to go to a hospital.”

Amira gave a small nod, feeling blindly for Abby’s hand and squeezing it gently. Her voice wasn’t as blocked and lispy now, but still very off kilter.

“Just get it done please, Abby. I don’t want to go to the hospital. Can someone -” her voice went a little more quiet, and she seemed embarrassed to say the rest.

“Can someone please hold my hand?”

She said it in a mumble, and Kevin felt his chest tighten. He glanced at Abby, who nodded in approval, and Kevin moved to sit on the floor in front of her seat. He took her hand gently with his good hand, and gave it a squeeze. She moved her other hand and clasped them both around his. Abby grabbed spare gauze for her to bite down on, and she shoved as much as she could between her teeth. Kevin tried to steady her trembling as best he could. Abby nodded, moving her hands up to either side of Amira’s nose, and counted down from 3, quickly pushing everything back into place.

Amira screamed through her closed mouth, her hands so tight in Kevin’s he thought she might break them. It reminded him of all the times he and Jean had to drag each other back together after being dealt with by Riko. He errantly shoved that to the back of his mind, and let go of Amira. Abby put small nose splints and gauze on her nose, smoothing her hair off her forehead gently.

She then gave her a cooling pack, instructing Amira to hold it to her face. She sighed in relief at the cold sensation, and only when she seemed okay did Abby turn to the other three boys. Wymack nodded at them, walking off the bus to take a call. She put her hands on her hips, glancing at them.

“Who’s next?”

Jean frowned uncertainly, not wanting to be looked at period, but Jeremy nudged him. For the most part, Jean was okay, with only bruised knuckles and some marks on his face. Abby then silently dug into a bag, pulling out some spare clothes of Wymack’s. It was a simple shirt and pants, but it was better than nothing. She handed them over wordlessly, then checked Jeremy. She confirmed his ribs were not broken, but the redness in the area was going to turn into an ugly bruise. She told him to take it easy at training.

She finally went to Kevin and squatted down beside him on the floor. She looked at him for a moment, unsure of what to say. Instead, she placed a hand on his cheek, and kissed his forehead. Kevin closed his eyes, feeling weakened to the core. He kept them closed for fear that his watering eyes would be seen, and let her examine his hand. He tried not to wince and kept as neutral as possible as she ran her fingers over them, turning his hand in hers.

“It’s bruised & strained Kevin, but nothing feels broken. It’s probably going to ache, but keep icing it. You need to take it easy for the next few weeks okay? And I mean it. I will call you off court if you even try to push beyond your limits.”

It was a stern threat, and Kevin knew she wasn’t kidding. He sighed, giving her a quiet thank you as she stood to join Wymack outside the bus. Kevin shrugged off his suit jacket and slumped where he sat on the floor beside Amira. He craned his neck to glance out the window and watch Wymack, who was pacing back and forth outside the bus, cell phone to his ear, a frown etched on his face. Abby placed a hand on his forearm and he stilled, some of his tenseness melting away.

Kevin turned away to give them privacy, looking up as Jeremy and Jean now stood in the aisle in front of him, both checking on Amira. She lay there silently, eyes closed as she breathed through the pain throbbing her skull.

Kevin glanced up at her, then at the boys, and Jean dug his hand into his pocket, pulling out the 2 broken halves of Amira’s glasses. He reached over, handing them to Kevin without a word, and looked to Jeremy, who spoke.

“We’re going to go back in – all our coaches and Cat and Laila are blowing up my phone, and knowing them, I’m in for another beating when we see them. Sorry about what happened – text me if you need anything Kevin. Always. And give Amira my number too. I’ll free up a spot if you ever change your mind on the Foxes.”

He said it with a light hearted laugh, and Amira peeled one eye partially open, giving a faint, thankful smile. She reached a hand up to push hair off her face, wincing a bit before speaking, directly to Jean.

“I’m sorry they hurt you again. I’m sorry.”

It was an earnest, guilty statement, and her eyes watered a little more. Jean watched as a small tear slipped from her eye and he reached down, wiping it from her face. He opened his mouth to say something but decided better of it. Instead, he turned to Kevin, his expression tired but now a little more stern.

“Don’t let her suffer the consequences of this alone, Kevin.”

Jean watched him for a lingering moment, a thousand more words needing to be said, but he turned and left, the void between them remaining vast & empty. Jeremy watched Jean go, and sighed, patting Kevin on the shoulder, before walking out as well.

Kevin turned to look outside the window, observing the way Jean waited for Jeremy before walking alongside him. At least Kevin knew one thing for certain: Jean would be safe with Jeremy. Even if he couldn’t fight, he knew Jeremy had a fierce protectiveness over Jean that would give him the breathing room he needed to keep healing.

Kevin curled up on the ground, resting his head back and squeezing his eyes shut. He had one question going over and over in his head. He didn’t know if she would answer, but he asked anyway.

“Why’d you do it?”

He peered down out of the corner of his eye, watched as she focussed carefully on breathing, her eyes swelling to a point where she could barely open them.

“Felt like something a Fox would do.”

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “If you mean doing something incredibly stupid then I suppose you’ve got the right idea.”

She shrugged at that, tapping her fingers lamely against her thighs. “My lived experience is that cruel people rarely suffer the consequences of their vulgar actions. I thought maybe you deserved that bit of justice. That maybe I did too.”

Something loosened in his throat then, the same way it had in hers at the end of that statement, and he quickly cleared it. Apart from on-court confrontations, Kevin had never had the opportunity to stand up against his former team. He had been too scared of the vitriol, that getting that sense of justice for himself wouldn’t alleviate any of the pain he had suffered in their grasps. He didn’t want to admit how good it felt when his fear finally dissipated, when he let his heavy fists accost the crimes forced on his permanently broken psyche.

She let them both stew in pained silence before pushing on. “Also, something in my gut compelled me. Maybe I need a colonic, flush the stupid out.”

Kevin unwillingly let a short, huffed snort escape his nose – he couldn’t help it. “If you flush out the stupid, maybe your footwork will improve.”

She bobbed her head a little, smiling weakly. “Wishful thinking. That’s what I like to hear.”

He watched her a moment longer before closing his eyes, letting their shared silence wash them free of their exhausted will.

Chapter Text

Kevin and Amira stayed in the bus for the rest of the evening. Abby stayed with them whilst Coach went to do damage control. She sat on the seat behind where Amira lay, resting her head against the window. She seemed to be fighting to say something, unsure if she should or not, but after a while of silence, she spoke.

“He thought he lost you, Kevin. He thought they had taken you, hidden you somewhere at Castle Evermore, or the university. Don’t be hard on him if he acts… weird.”

It was a soft, longing point, and Kevin’s heart lurched. Abby always seemed to know Kevin’s soft spots. He quickly shut his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. He currently wore Wymack’s spare clothes, to avoid the stink of his vomit-covered suit. How did he always have clothes everywhere?

Amira still lay on the seat above him, the swelling around her forehead and brows still growing. She seemed to be trying her hardest not to fall asleep, as Abby wanted to keep an eye on her, and she didn’t want to have nightmares in the presence of others.

After a while of silence, she reached a blind arm out and eventually tapped his knee. He slowly turned to look at her, but she said nothing. Just looked at him through puffy eyes. A silent question, he suspected. He could see the tightness in her lips, the hard, clenching veins in her neck. She seemed to be asking if he was mad at her.

So he gave a silent answer. Shook his head side to side, and something in her released, uncurling its tight fist around her conscience. It took her a few more minutes before she spoke.

“I shouldn’t have been so cruel to you before.”

Kevin sighed, resting his elbow on the seat in the space above her head, and putting his cheek in his palm. She was right. He hated that she was right. But he knew he shouldn’t be mad at her for it.

“You were right. Don’t get used to it. Because you won’t always be.”

She watched carefully through swollen eyes, unable to break eye contact. He slowly looked away, not willing to flesh it out any further. Because if he did, his mind would spend too long wondering why someone who knew him so little seemed to have such an encompassing grasp of who he was.

He spent so much time making this other idealised version of himself for others to see, that it unsettled him how easily she saw through it.

Abby passed the time by quizzing her on music instead, which Kevin noted they both had a big passion for.

It was 2 more hours before the Foxes came to the bus, and Dan looked horrified at the sight of Amira, who was now sitting up in her seat. Her legs dangled over Kevin’s lap, where he still sat on the floor beneath her. He didn’t have the energy to move, and he was oddly comfortable. He had to make her rest her legs down when he realised she was trying to avoid touching him. Her skirt was thick, so it cushioned from any direct touch. Dan crouched down beside Amira, and brought a hand up as if to cup her cheek, before thinking better of it. As the other Foxes came on after her, they each had visceral reactions to the sight of her face. Abby made Dan move away so she could have room.

The Foxes’ burst out full of questions, as Wymack had clearly done the smart thing by not telling them in full what had occurred. Kevin stayed silent, ignoring all of them, but it was Abby who raised her voice and told them all to stop. She very rarely yelled, so when she did, everyone immediately listened.

“It’s been a hard enough night as it is. We can talk about it tomorrow. For now, everyone is here, and safe with David and I. So sit down, buckle in and let’s get back to the hotel and sleep. We’re getting out of here as early as we can.”

Nicky looked ready to argue, but Aaron nudged him into silence. Wymack let Kevin stay where he was on the floor as they drove back to the hotel, despite it being highly illegal. Everyone spoke in uncomfortable whispers, trying to figure out what happened. Renee was the one who turned the attention to a bet they all had on another team’s captain and co-captain banging.

By the time they got back to the hotel, they all seemed to have everything taken out of them. Wymack offered to carry Amira to her room, but Kevin shook his head, arguing that he would do it, but Amira stood slowly, thankfully taking the arm that Abby offered her.

“Thank you Coach – I’m alright to walk. Promise.”

He sighed, remaining still in the drivers’ seat until every Fox but Kevin was off the bus. Once they were all gone, Wymack turned to Kevin, watching him stand up. He made Kevin stop near the door, staring at him with a distant, foggy expression.

“If you do that to me again Kevin –”

He wasn’t able to finish the sentence. His voice teetered off at the end, and his clearly pre-prepared lecture got stuck in his throat. Kevin tried to swallow the unfamiliar guilt that clawed in his chest. He almost apologised, but he knew that would piss Wymack off. This unnavigated terrain of father & son made Kevin feel inferior in his own self-assured nature.

He turned and followed everyone into the hotel. He stopped by the room Amira had on her own, wanting to knock, but thought better of it. He went back to his own room, fingers itching for more alcohol. Matt stood there, shirt off and pulling on pyjama bottoms. He looked up as Kevin walked in, folding his arms across his chest. His muscles tightened, and he couldn’t tell if it was anger, or anxiety. The two seemed so interchangeable these days.

“Are we talking about it, or not talking about it?”

Kevin stared at Matt’s earnest eyes, and looked away, shaking his head. Matt nodded, leaving it at that and instead of going to bed, left the room. Kevin sighed at the emptiness, the hollow, gaping hole stretching bigger. Amira’s words bit at him – loneliness does kill. And he was letting it. At this point, he barely cared.

Kevin went to shower, and in aching movements, slowly made his way to bed. His last thoughts before sleep haunted him into his dreams. Jean’s terror, his own anxious fear, Cameron clutching Amira’s hair, Brayden hurting her. The image of his palm going into her face, of seeing Jean lose all control of his own body, a body that wasn’t even his anymore – everything hurt. It all hurt so fucking bad.

Kevin hated crying. He hated how good it felt, the sweet release of heated devastation crawling out of his face, spilling from every hole in his skull. The alleviation of everything he spent every morning clawing, caging back within himself. He deserved the pain of restraint, though. He deserved to suffocate in his own memories, his own psyche. It was what motivated him to focus so hard on exy. Put his all into it, to exert every bit of himself into every swing of his racquet, every twist of a stick, every check of a body. But he couldn’t do that without gear, without a court. So here he was, laid bare and sobbing himself into woeful nothingness.

–

His body flinched at the knock on the bedroom door. Kevin stirred, moaning and covering his face. Why did everyone have to be awake so fucking early all the time? The hammering in his chest didn’t ease, Kevin growing increasingly frustrated with this norm.

He rolled over to yell at Matt to get the door, but Matt wasn’t there. Kevin groaned, standing up in his boxers and opening the door. Wymack stood there, arms folded, frustration etched across his face. He beckoned for Kevin to follow.

Kevin sighed, grabbing a hoodie and shorts, and followed Wymack to his room. Kevin walked in, and raised an eyebrow - Coach hadn’t slept. His bed was still neatly made, the same as all the beds were when the Foxes had arrived. Instead, Wymack had a bowl, water and a towel, and had Amira’s clothing laid out on the table. He had been up all night spot cleaning it, removing every bit of blood with careful swipes and dabs.

Kevin moved to sit with Wymack at the table, who was sipping on a coffee. He frowned distastefully and put it down. Kevin pulled his hood over his head, staring at the coach with half closed eyes.

“Federico Rossi called me this morning.”

Kevin flinched, and sat up a little higher at the mention of the Raven’s new head coach. Wymack rubbed his jaw as he stared at Kevin, an ugly look on his face.

“Brayden told him it was Amira who started it, that everything that happened was in self defence, that she attacked them after they had made ‘jokes’ about you and Jean returning to the Nest.”

Kevin gaped, full of bewilderment and stood up, unsure where Wymack was going with this. He didn’t like the look on Coach’s face as he continued.

“Rossi said if I don’t take Amira off the line up, he will go public with what occurred at the banquet and paint it as an ‘unjust attack on the reformation of the Edgar Allen Ravens.’ He will put the blame entirely on her in a public spectacle and garner enough discontent about it that the ERC will have to force her out.”

Kevin thought he misheard, but when Coach didn’t correct anything, didn’t continue, Kevin yelled in anger and picked up the chair he was sitting on, throwing it across the room. Wymack didn’t care, didn’t flinch and let Kevin rage.

“Is this a fucking joke? They fucking - surely Rhemann will have our back on this? It was not our fucking fault! Coach - they fucking - I - you didn’t see what they did, what they said to Amira –”

Wymack held up a hand, cutting him off before he could continue.

“Kevin, I am very aware of this. Rhemann will be on side, that is not the issue. It is the money and influence the Ravens are pouring into this season. They indirectly hold a majority of the shares in the ERC now, they ensured this over the summer. They are barrel rolling into this season with a vice grip on fixing their shit show of a team. But Kevin, I cannot help you if you don’t tell me what happened last night. In full.”

Kevin froze, and he now refused to look at Wymack. It took Kevin an age before he started talking. He didn’t want to. Wymack took it all in without any question, not once interrupting, continuing with the last of Amira’s saree as he spoke. However, when Kevin was finally done, the elephant’s foot that sat in his stomach had lifted its weight ever so slightly.

Wymack stood, going to wash his hands in the bathroom before addressing Kevin.

“Go get ready for the drive back. If you don’t want to tell the others, that’s fine. Leave it with me – are you okay if I tell them? Because we all know the shit heads won’t shut up until they hear the whole thing.”

Kevin nodded at Wymack, who stood and left to gather all the Foxes. Kevin moved forward toward the table, gently picking up some of the saree in his finger, feeling the soft, smooth texture between his fingers. He saw some bits Coach had missed and sat down, continuing with gently dabbing, wiping away any stains. Getting blood out of clothes was a habit all too familiar to Kevin. When he was satisfied, he decided to check in on Amira.

He walked down the hallway to hers. The place was quite old, with stained carpet and faded blue diamond patterns littering the walls. He thought if he stared for too long he would get dizzy.

When he reached Amira’s room, he knocked on the door. After a short moment, her head peaked out, and when she saw it was him, she opened it fully and let him in without a word. Abby had clearly been by - the bandage on her nose had been changed. The bruising under her eyes was now an ugly, purply black, and her swelling head had started to bruise. Her cheek bruise was still maroon. She wore a flowy skirt and singlet today, her birthmark shining extra bright after being moisturised. Kevin stared at it a moment before moving to sit down atop the desk. She moved around, packing up her bag. She had her broken glasses in hand and sighed, throwing them in the bin, before putting on her spare pair.

She moved then to sit on her bed, looking at Kevin.

“Coach told me about his call this morning. I’m not going anywhere. Much to your highly probable disappointment.”

She tried to keep things light, and he caught the trembling in her hands as she shoved them between her knees, her legs bouncing restlessly as she sat. His brows knitted as he observed her, folding his arms across his chest.

“I’m not letting you go anywhere.”

He said it with a firmness he meant. Kevin couldn’t understand why, though. Why was he so determined for someone so unfamiliar to stay? Maybe it was her patience with him. Despite the anger, insults he’d been throwing in her face, she never threw it back with the cruelty he did. She always spoke with logic, with a profound understanding of what it is to exist with shittily dealt cards. She handled everything with such admirable grace.

She seemed to take his words to heart, because her eyes became wet, wincing as the tears slipped down her hurt skin. Kevin watched them, his own throat restricting. He stood suddenly, not able to bear it, leaving the room without another word.

-

The bus ride back to Palmetto State was uneventful - everyone on the bus seemed too exhausted to be a nuisance. Wymack drove the entire trip home, despite Kevin knowing he had stayed awake all night. When Coach had got on at the start of the trip and handed Amira her clothes, now clean and stain free, she stared at them for what felt like an age, and wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug. Everyone on the bus watched with raised eyebrows, and Wymack simply patted her back, holding her for a moment before letting go. She carefully packed her clothes away, as if it was the greatest gift she had ever received.

Kevin let himself remain distracted, allowing Nicky to talk their ears off about every bit of gossip him and Allison had obtained at the ball. Nicky made Aaron text it all to Katelyn, as she too enjoyed the gossip, much to Aaron’s disdain of being forced into being the messenger.

Kevin laid his head back on his seat, doing his best to tune out the world around him. His hand had started to get a dull, throbbing ache, which he refused to go to Abby about. He got a fairly good bit of sleep on the way back, and by the time they got back to Palmetto, he felt a little more rejuvenated. When Wymack pulled up to the stadium, everyone beelined for their cars, except Kevin and Amira.

She had her bag, ready to follow Abby, but paused, staring at Kevin. Kevin froze, shouldering her bag, watching her expectantly.

“Can we talk? Back at Abby’s.”

Abby looked between the pair, carefully taking Amira’s bag and heading to her car. Kevin pursed his lips, uncomfortable at how quickly yes nearly popped out of his mouth.

“Sure. Nicky, take my bag will you?”

Nicky was busy putting his stuff in Andrew’s car and glanced back, eyebrows raised. He walked forward, holding a hand out. “A please every now and then would be nice.”

Kevin rolled his eyes, dropping the bag in his hands and drawling out his next words. “Thank you, Nicholas.”

Nicky screwed up his face in disgust, turning and walking off. Kevin followed Abby and Amira to her car, and Amira fumbled for the radio, putting on music before Abby started the drive. She wound the window down, resting her puffy face on the sil, letting the gentle breeze cool her face. Kevin couldn’t help staring from the back seat, and struggled to squash the black rage that crawled in his chest at the state of her face.

He grabbed Abby and Amira’s bags, following them inside. Abby handed Amira her mail for the week, and Amira mumbled a weak thank you before following Kevin up to her room.

He traipsed up after her, and paused outside her door. He remembered only too recently his sinking into the ground, feeling like his entire world was upending. She didn’t enter, let her hand rest on the door handle and waited. It took Kevin a few moments to steady his breathing, and only then did Amira open the door.

He followed her in cautiously, placing her bags down at her bed and took to the desk by the door, sitting atop it. He stared around, and started to name items he could see. Images of Amira and the same 3 people tacked to the wall. A photo frame of herself and what Kevin could only guess was her mother. Shoes, exy gear. Open closet, plethora of baggy shirts and baggier shorts. A whole life upended, and squished into one small room. Amira sat against her headboard, tilting her head back at the ceiling.

Kevin focussed on her puffed face, and felt rooted to his body. She closed her eyes, sighing deeply. “Promise you won’t hit me if I ask this?”

He gritted his teeth at that. He wouldn’t ever do it again willingly, but that wasn’t for her to hear. He only nodded, relinquishing the locks over his mentality towards honesty.

“Tell me about your time at the Ravens.”
He knew that was coming, but it still seared his aching heart. He bit his cheeks, stewing on how and where to start. There was too much, too many memories that refused to free his clogged, blackened soul. He swallowed that hot stone, letting the heaviness of his look drag her down with him into his pooling misery.

“Why? You won’t like what you hear.”

She tried to open her eyes further to no avail, tenderly touching her swollen face. “So I can understand why this team’s dynamic is the way it is. It all starts with you. You’re the catalyst in their ashes to flames story. Also, I can assure you I have heard worse. Indulge me.”

There was a thread there, and whether she was offering for him to pull it or hold tight, he wasn’t sure. He left it alone, and slowly spilled forth his – well, his entire being. The tangled, fraying, misshapen rope that squeezed him to nothing day in, day out. She didn’t interrupt, head tilted at the ceiling as she listened.

It was a couple of hours before he had finished. He told everything except his, Neil’s and Jean’s deal with Ichirou. Detailing his experience with Riko, his guilt over Jean, his behaviour prior to coming to the Foxes… like every other time he had spoken of it before, it felt like he was admitting to a crime punishable by death. How awful he had been, the horrible things he let Riko get away with. His throat was raw by the end of it, and he hadn’t realised the slight easing of tension in his chest.

She stood wordlessly, taking her car keys and shook them at him. Her eyes were an imploring depth, that he again found himself lost in. She wasn’t scared, hadn’t judged him or shied away from the abhorrent things he said. Didn’t scream injustices, as the others had the first time he told the Foxes. Her absorption of his guilty conscience was an exoneration he didn’t deserve. It felt an age before he was able to take them from her grasp.

“Drive yourself back tonight. I’ll come get it after classes.”

He pressed the fob into his palm, clasping it gently as if it would break. He couldn’t muster any further words, so he turned and left before he could fall apart in that room again.

-

The second week of classes was almost as useless as the first. They overcame the molehill that was discussing syllabuses and textbooks, and came to the mountain that was the actual study.

Coach’s buddy system was in full swing, and Matt and Nicky quickly discovered their end of the stick in this situation was mangled, chewed off and rotting at the core. Kevin on the other hand, was admittedly enjoying having someone around that he could divulge his other interests in.

He and Amira spent most of their classes chatting about their topics, debating different issues they came across and starting to study together at the library. His coursework wasn’t his primary focus in life, but he was starting to become exhausted by the fact that he had gone from silent in classes to talking for hours on end.

She made it easy with her quenching curiosity and thoughtful strings of theories. Since the banquet, he had found it uncomfortably easy to be in her presence. It wasn’t a solace he felt deserving of, but he craved it nonetheless. She made no further mention of the Ravens or Riko, but felt their experience at the banquet had created an odd bond that he wasn’t entirely sure what to make of.

The only downside was having to hold onto her backpack every time they went too and from classes, due to her awful habit of reading and walking. He weaved them both in and out of the throngs with ease, steering her from class to class.

During an ancient history class, she divulged that alongside exy, it was a history teacher that was a big part of her healing after dealing with her father. He didn’t know why she was volunteering this to him, but he guarded it securely once it was in his hands.

“I was scared of older men for so long after my dad’s trial… When I moved from Miami to Jacksonville, I was in a new school, new people, new everything. What happened made state news, so people knew who I was, what had happened. They treated me like I was diseased and wouldn't come near me with a 10ft pole. But Mr Clarkson, he was a gem amongst all the coal. He showed me grace, kindness when others wouldn’t. He treated me like a kid when I needed it and an adult when I wanted it. And he helped me learn how to be able to trust older people again. He also introduced me to my best friends, so I am grateful for that too.”

Kevin listened as he wrote, he glancing aside at her profile. “Men like that are a rarity.”

She nodded in agreement, and seemed to be toying if she would say her next words or not. “Coach is like that.”

He looked at her eyes then, the sincerity, the softness. He bit his cheeks and turned his unmerited gaze away from that look. “He is. Sometimes I think, even if I hadn’t known he was my father after leaving Edgar Allen, I would have come to him anyways.”

Laying himself bare was terrifying. Why he was doing it in the middle of a class on Alexander the Great’s military expansion, he wasn’t sure. But alleviating it into her safe hands was a soothing balm on his anxiety.

“Would you call that fate? Destiny?”

Kevin pursed his lips distastefully. “I don’t believe in such things. Maybe intuition.”

She shrugged, tucking her hair behind her ear. “They’re not so dissimilar. The level of force is what differentiates them, I think.”

He rolled his eyes at that, but couldn’t help thinking that maybe she had a point.

When Friday night, Kevin, Neil & Nicky sat with Aubrey & Matt in their dorm. Coach decided to let them have it off training, as Fridays were usually their game day anyway, and their first game wasn’t until next week. The twins were at their weekly session with Dobson, which Kevin was surprised they still agreed to go to. He continued to avoid Bee at all costs, only going when mandated. He feared a woman who could put up with the intricacies of the twins and come out bright and bubbly and not wanting to strangle either of them at any given point. Matt and Neil were playing video games on the couch, Aubrey watching on excitedly, and Nicky was sprawled on the ground, texting on his phone and yapping to them all at the same time.

“Sheena is just – she hates my guts. I don’t know what it is! These goth or punk or emo types are like, usually a bit weird, but I can get on okay with them. But she just gets away from me at every turn. I don’t even know what her deal is anyways.”

He sighed, looking at the others for advice. Kevin sat with a book in hand, disinterested in this topic, but Matt was none too happy to pipe in.

“Those sub-cultures are all vastly different so I suggest you learn to tell them apart. And well, Dan told me she’s a bit of a pyromaniac. Apparently she burnt down one of her old school buildings in some fit of rage. And I guess I can kind of see it now, fuck the system and all that. You must’ve done something to piss her off, Nicky. You’re awfully good at doing that.”

Nicky scowled and kicked at Matt’s foot, causing him to jolt and drop his controller. He yelled in alarm, as Neil now had the upper hand in their game, and won within seconds. Neil whooped, and Matt swore at Nicky, kicking him in the leg at the loss. Matt threw the controller down and stood, going to the kitchen.

“At least you don’t have to deal with Jack. I don’t know what Andrew said to him at Eden’s, but whatever it was, it made him an even bigger asshole, and I didn’t even think it was possible. It makes me wish a thousand Seth’s were here.”

Kevin rolled his eyes at that, going to say that Seth was not as useful on the court as Jack was, but thought better of it at the last second. It was Neil who cut in.

“Andrew’s got him on a leash. During that first week at Abby’s, he apparently stole something of hers. She didn’t tell Wymack, because she knew he’d lose it and probably do something that would get him in trouble with the ERC. But she did tell Andrew. Which is enough to at least keep him in his place.”

Matt raised an eyebrow in disbelief, and Nicky gaped. Aubrey frowned distastefully. He had an affinity for Abby and her gentleness. He was the one who took to it the most out of them all, and Kevin had never seen their feeble dealer so displeased. This information was new to all of them, and even Kevin was interested, looking up from his book. Matt started mindlessly cutting up carrots, and nodding at Neil.

“What did he steal? Do you know?”

Neil swung the controller around on the cord as he spoke, nodding.

“Yeah, some jewellery that was her mother’s. The only reason it was found was because Amira got to it. She snooped in his room when he was on a run and found it hidden in his drawer. She gave it back to Abby, but Abby didn’t tell Jack that she knew he had done it. So when Jack came back, saw the necklace was missing, he blew up at Abby about going through his things. Then when Amira said it was her, he almost lost his shit. Abby threatened to tell Wymack, and that was when he backed off.”

Kevin blinked, as he suddenly remembered what Jack had said when they saw him the first night at the court.

“That’s why Jack hates Amira. I was with Andrew that first night we met everyone properly, and he said Amira was weird, giving off the feeling that she was a problem.”

Neil nodded, bringing the remote control back to his hand as Matt rejoined him on the couch for another game. Matt spoke up then, moving to the couch with his carrots, Aubrey nabbing some as Matt popped them in his mouth, crunching as he spoke.

“He still hasn’t let that go clearly – he said this week that he thinks she's a weakness to the team and can’t understand why Coach brought her on.”

Nicky nodded at the bedroom, silently asking if Jack was here, but Matt shook his head.

“Nah, he’s gone out somewhere. Doing who knows what. But yeah, I said to him, well the same reason Kevin brought him on, and Sheena, Robin, Itzel and Aubrey were here. Then he started on the girls and basically had a whole spiel. I suspect the underlying issue is that he just hates women.”

He rolled his eyes, and brought another carrot up, but instead of eating it, he put it against Neil’s hair in comparison. Neil frowned and whacked Matt’s arm, and he sniggered, continuing with his eating.

“Great Matt, so we get stuck with the psychotic assholes, and the others get the good ones. How is Amira this week, by the way? Her face looked better when I saw her on Wednesday in Spanish.”

Kevin gave a vague shrug, keeping his eyes on his book. He didn’t say that he had been observing it all week, that she had caught him staring a dozen times, that he had to pretend he was zoning out instead of looking at the multicoloured state of her face. How it ate at him that he looked like that. That it was because of him.

“Fine, I guess. She has some extremely wrong opinions about our history subjects, but apart from that, okay. Abby reckons her nose is going to be better before our first game next Friday. That’s all that matters.”

Nicky rolled his eyes at Kevin, taking a carrot from Matt’s bowl and bit into it.

“Ah Kevin, ever the sympathetic one.”

Kevin didn’t bother looking up from his book.

“If you want sympathy, that’s what Renee or Dan or Matt are for.”

Matt frowned, unsure whether or not that was a compliment or insult. Nicky pouted and turned his attention back to his phone, continuing to text. Suddenly, his phone started ringing, and he raised an eyebrow. He answered it, blinking and holding it away from his ear. Someone was shouting down the line at him, and Nicky burst out laughing.

“Far out - okay! Okay, I heard you. Yes, yes I am blasphemous. Yes I am a failure of a human being. Okay - yes - okay, yes. Well - how about you pick it up, get some snacks and come watch it here. Can’t be much fun at Abby’s on a Friday night. Oh shut up, I know how much wine that woman drinks on Fridays when we don’t have games. Alright, see you soon. Bring alcohol! Three hours is too fucking long for a movie!”

He hung up abruptly after that, and all of the boys looked at him questioningly. He grinned, standing up.

“Movie night at Matt & Aubrey’s place!” They all stared at Nicky in confusion, Matt shrugging, waving an arm for him to explain.

“So, I’ve been texting Amira about movies, quizzing her, because she doesn’t know many. She says she’s more into books. But then she asked me about Lord of the Rings, and I said no, I haven’t seen it. And that’s when she called me. I don’t think I have ever heard that woman speak so loudly. She’s going to rent the movie and come and watch it. Kevin, help me get the bean bags from our dorm so we can watch it here.”

He stood up excitedly, bounding out of the room, Matt and Aubrey blinking as they had not agreed to it. Neil sighed, turning to Matt.

“There goes game night. One more round? I need you to lose for another boost to my ego. I’m as desperate as Kevin.”

Matt slapped the carrots down on the table and crossed his legs, brow furrowed in concentration. Kevin rolled his eyes. He had never understood the appeal of video games, but it was something Matt, Neil, Nicky and Aaron bonded over. Kevin groaned as he heard Nicky yelling for him to help. He put his book down and walked out, helping Nicky get the bean bags into Matt and Neil’s dorm. About 20 minutes later, Amira had arrived, with bags of candy, punnets of fruit, potato chips, sodas, popcorn and alcohol. She shook her head at Nicky, hands on her hips.

Her nose was still bandaged, and swelling had gone down. But her face was odd shades of dark yellows, sharp browns tones from the healing bruises. The worst during the week was when her eyes had looked red, and Kevin had spent most of his time giving scathing looks to anyone who glanced her way. But she was happy now, smiling despite her healing face.

“So, who else here hasn’t watched Lord of the Rings?”

Neil, Matt, Aubrey and Kevin all shook their heads at the same time, and Amira looked genuinely shocked. She stood still for a moment, before she started waving her hands around in exasperation.

“Only the best and probably most famous movie trilogy of all time, and you guys haven’t seen it?! No wonder you are all so uncivilised. Your lives are about to change forever, I hope you know that.”

She beamed happily, looking more back to normal than she had been the last week. Aubrey was easily affected by her happiness, and he smiled keenly at her. Kevin shook his head, side eyeing her.

“If this is going to be like how wrong you are about the Amarna period, then do not involve me in your horrid opinions of movies as well.”

Amira gasped, feigning mock stabbing and shook her head.

“You wound me, Kevin Day. I will prove to you how wrong you are about the significance of Nefertiti. But not today. I will win today’s argument, and that is a promise. I don’t break my promises.”

Kevin had never seen her so energised. It was like she had downed 14 coffees before she came here. Matt was the one who said something about it, though.

“You can’t come in here bringing 80 tonnes of nerd shit and dropping it on us like a bomb. One nerd thing at a time. So – Lord of the Rings?”

She smiled at Matt, going to talk but looked over as the door to the dorm opened, Aaron and Andrew stepping in without greeting. Matt groaned, throwing his hands in the air.

“Andrew – how many times do I have to tell you to knock?”

Andrew raised an eyebrow at Matt, looking bored of a conversation Kevin was certain had happened dozens of times.

“How many times do I have to tell you I don’t care Matt?

Matt frowned, looking at him pointedly.

“Well, if you walk in on me and Dan whilst looking for your carrot top boyfriend, then that’s on you.”

Neil punched Matt at that, and he groaned, holding his stomach but pouting innocently. Andrew’s eyes watched Neil smirk at Matt doubled over, before he went to the pile of snacks on the bench. He started sifting through, picking out something he liked. He opened it without asking, and started to eat the twizzlers in lots of 2. Whilst chewing, he turned and gestured at the beanbags.

“Why are we rearranging my furniture?”

Amira raised an eyebrow, holding up the DVD she had borrowed. Aaron raised an eyebrow, glancing at the others to see if they knew what it was. The rest of the boys shrugged, and Amira sighed, shaking her head.

“We’re watching the Lord of the Rings. Settle in.”

Nicky and Kevin shrugged when the twins looked at them questioningly. Andrew grabbed a soda, moving to sit between Neil’s legs on the ground, back against the couch. Aaron took a beanbag, Matt taking the other. Nicky stood, taking to Matt’s desk chair, straddling it and spinning in circles. Aubrey took his and wheeled over happily beside Nicky. Kevin nodded to the couch, hand stuck out for Amira to sit first. She grabbed the snacks and alcohol, bringing it all to the small coffee table. She sat beside Neil, and Kevin slowly sunk down beside her. She grabbed a packet of blueberries, and held them out in silent question to him.

“I figured you weren’t into the sugary snacks.”

He looked down, then back at the tv, giving the silent answer of taking some and popping them in his mouth. That she thought to get him something separate to the junk food – he shoved any further thoughts about that away as useless.

Matt put the DVD in, turned all the lights off, and opened a bag of chips. Barely 10 minutes into the movie, Nicky had said that Andrew and Aaron would make good hobbits, which resulted in them pegging cookies so hard at Nicky that he yelped.

“That’s going to bruise you hairy-footed freaks!”

This earned yet another pegging of food, and Nicky burst with laughter. Matt hushed him, focusing hard on the movie. By the time it finished, it was 11pm, and the boys were in a state of shock and disbelief. Even Kevin felt riled by what he had just watched.

“I knew it would be Boromir! I knew he’d go for the Ring!” Matt exclaimed, looking excited and eager for more.

Aaron scoffed, shaking his head at Matt. “You did not Matt. Also, how the hell are Frodo and Sam going to survive Mordor alone, there is no way.”

“The power of friendship maybe? Not very believable.” Aubrey shrugged as Aaron nodded in agreement.

Neil laughed at them, Matt looking offended by Aaron’s insult as Neil cut in.

“Why did Frodo get mortally wounded so many times? Has he no self preservation?”

Andrew raised an eyebrow at Neil, tilting his head back in his lap and staring up at him.

“You’re one to talk. You had none until this year.”

Neil rolled his eyes, his fingers resting in Andrew’s hair as he spoke. He brushed it between his fingers, and looked back as Nicky piped up.

“Surely we all agree that we would fuck Legolas though, right?”

It was a good point, and not one of them in the room disagreed. Amira laughed at that, looking pleased and nudged Kevin.

“You haven’t flooded us with your judgments yet, Day. How unusual. Are you going to admit you liked it? Even a little?”

Kevin groaned as everyone looked at him, shrugging and avoiding looking at Amira. “It was fine. Aragon was cool.”

He couldn’t help the slight smile that came onto his face, and Matt grinned, throwing a potato chip at him. “I knew it. Kevin Day CAN appreciate things other than exy. Who knew the time would come!”

Kevin scowled, throwing the chip right back at Matt, who cackled and ate it. Aaron snorted, shaking his head and yawning. He checked his watch and looked back up at them all.

“So, when do we get to watch the others?”

They all looked at one another, and Amira stood up slowly, moving toward the kitchen and dug around in her bag. She pulled 2 items out, and held one up in each hand: the second and third movies.

Nicky whooped, and Aubrey nodded keenly.

“We’re going to need coffee. Get out the French press, Matt?”

Matt nodded, and he and Aubrey got up to make everyone coffee. Kevin didn’t want to admit it but it was definitely the most non-exy related fun he had had in a long time. He watched Amira stand in front of Nicky and Aubrey, gripping the back of their chairs and spinning them in circles as they spoke animatedly about the movie. Kevin watched on in silence. That passion she had for her hobbies outside of exy – how did one split apart bits of themselves to even focus on anything else?

Andrew flicked Kevin’s leg to get his attention, a bland expression plastering his face.

“You should probably stare less. Not very smart, showing blatant favouritism like that.”

Neil watched on silently, trying to contain a laugh as Kevin glared at Andrew.

“Fuck off Andrew, I’m not doing anything.” Kevin folded his arms and turned his attention strictly on the TV. He hadn’t been staring – had he?

He sighed, and the thought of it seemed to plague his mind, made only harder when Amira rejoined his side on the couch, pressed together by its small size.

It was going to be a long night. But a small, tiny part of him didn’t entirely mind.

Chapter Text

By the time they had finished the trilogy, it was about 5am. Coach wanted them at the court at midday, and Kevin groaned when 11:30 arrived. He was not ready to be conscious at this point. Or probably ever.

He rolled out of bed, getting ready for the day, his routine now in muscle memory. Shower, drink, do his hair, drink, brush his teeth, drink, mints to cover the smell. He joined the others down at Andrew’s car, and was satisfied that they all looked as shit as he felt. Nicky yawned as they got in, Andrew speeding off at his usual unsafe pace.

“I am too tired for this shit today. Sweet dreams I had though – me and Legolas in Rivendell, if you know what I mean.”

He grinned as Aaron nudged him, his eyes closed as he tried to rest for the final few moments prior to training. Upon their arrival, the lounge was unusually quiet, and Wymack stood in the middle, looking grim and annoyed.

That woke Kevin up a bit, as he sat down on the couch beside Andrew and Neil. Wymack waved a hand to settle them, before opening his mouth.

“I had another call from Federico Rossi this morning. Regarding the incident from the banquet.”

Everyone immediately stopped moving, and turned their attention to Wymack. He seemed to have a thousand thoughts running through his mind.

“Coach Rhemann of the Trojans and I had been in numerous discussions with Rossi and the ERC this week. All of them as painful and irritating as the last.”

Kevin looked for Amira, and watched her standing, her leg bouncing and fiddling nervously with the end of her braid. Wymack continued on.

“The ERC recognises that the behaviour of the Ravens that night was antagonising and unnecessary. They believe Amira’s reaction was too volatile, too over-reactive for what was said. I very kindly reminded them that players threatening other players with entrapment or rape warranted that kind of reaction. Once I had made those points, the ERC was more scared of backlash about brushing over the threats than the money the Ravens were puppeteering through them. So they put out what they deemed a ‘fair’ outcome - their 4 strikers will sit out the 1 game each in alternation over their first 2 games, and Amira will sit out her first game. They wanted Jeremy, Jean and Kevin involved too, but Amira wrote letters and pushed for them not to be punished. She must be quite the wordsmith, because the ERC left those three out of it, much to Rossi’s anger.”

Kevin straightened in his seat, eyes widening at Amira. She was watching Wymack silently, refusing to look at anyone else. Dan spoke loudest as everyone burst forth about the unfairness.

“Look, given the shit the ERC has let slide in the past, their lack of actual care for the players as opposed to exy being a money making tool for them, this isn’t the worst it could have been. We can work with it. I’m sorry that Amira has to wait to make her debut, and for what happened to her. But – I’m proud. It is immensely selfless to take the rap for all of it, especially as a new player, when it is most important to be on the straight and narrow.”

Wymack raised an eyebrow, nodding in agreement, whilst the others teetered on with their own opinions. Kevin glanced around uneasily, and shook his head.

“The Ravens are not going to forget this. They will see this outcome as a great injustice. They will work harder than ever to uproot our team. We need to watch out for one another. Play intelligently, not emotionally.”

Dan nodded grimly, and Wymack yelled at everyone to shut up before speaking again.

“If I wanted a bunch of poets and writers in my team I would have been an English teacher. Go get your gear on, we have shit to do.”

Everyone moved to action immediately. Wymack stopped Kevin, and nodded at his hand.

“Abby gave me a very stern reminder that although your hand is likely much better than it was a week ago, to not push it too hard. Or I will never hear the end of it.”

Kevin rolled his eyes and nodded, moving away and hurried up to stop at Amira’s side. She stopped walking when she felt him next to her. She looked up, taking her glasses off and rubbing her eyes. Kevin frowned down at her.

“You’ve put a massive target on your back with this. I hope you know that.”

She sniffled, switching out her glasses for her playing goggles and looked away.

“That’s a funny way of saying thank you. I guess we’re matching, because it seems yours never left.”

Kevin's shoulders tensed, and she walked away without another word. He rubbed the back of his neck, and moved to the changerooms. His mind was unable to stop envisioning scenarios of the violent vengeance they would face on the court from the Ravens. He knew Rossi was going to continue fostering the environment Tetsuji had, but – it seemed different. He seemed to be wanting to morph them into more of a silent predator.

Whatever the future held for the Foxes, Kevin suspected the Ravens would force their way to be at the forefront of their problems.

-

The week leading up to the first game of the season was full of a wild, excited energy that Kevin was all too familiar with.

With their coming out on top last season, more students than ever seemed to be investing their time and energy into the Foxes. It was a home game, and the university was going well out of their way to make sure every part of campus was decorated or advertising the upcoming sport games this week.

Students walked around campus with a wide variation of ugly merchandise, that made Keving mildly miss the sleek black and red of Edgar Allen. There were bright orange furry fox ears, glittering fox pins, stripey orange & black scarves, bootleg jerseys with the teams’ names & positions printed on the back like a concert tour.

Although it was all a headache, Kevin bathed in the attention he received. With his personal and professional triumphs against his former team the season prior, people had started to idolise him even more. People asked for photos, for autographs, which Kevin was none too happy to oblige. With their buddy system still in place, Amira had to endure every interaction, even having to help take photos.

The students knew there were 6 new players at their University, and they too were thrown into the buzz of gossip and interest as well. For Jack, it stroked his ego in all the right ways, and he boasted happily to anyone who would listen. Sheena worked hard to scare people off, not wishing to be bothered by any of them. She seemed to have found a group of people with similar aesthetic, and clung to them strictly, completely abandoning Nicky as her buddy. Robin seemed overwhelmed by it all, but Dan was a strong, guiding hand, helping her through every step. Itzel utterly ignored anyone who spoke to her, and Aubrey replied to all questions and compliments with shy grace, Itzel a glowering bodyguard by his side.

Amira however, stood outside of it. Even though she was with Kevin everyday for the classes they shared, which was a majority of them, she constantly hovered away from all the excitement, observing keenly from a safe distance. When curious people came up to ask questions, she deflected awkwardly and used Kevin as a shield. He told her multiple times she needed to get used to it, but she evaded it at all costs.

One Thursday at lunch in the athletes hall, Kevin finally decided to ask her about it. It didn’t bother him, per say, but surely she knew that this level of microscopic examination would occur if she joined this team?

“Why do you avoid it all? The people, the questions, the curiosity?”

He picked up his chopsticks, and dug into seaweed salad as he spoke to her. She looked up at him over her chicken soup, taking spoonfuls between words.

“I’m not used to it. I don’t like when people look too close. I guess I think they’ll see that it’s all a facade. That I’m not actually good enough.”

It was a quiet, reflective confession that Kevin was surprised to hear. Yes, she was reserved but he also hadn’t met anyone so insecure despite having objectively workable foundational skills. He wasn’t going to comfort her, that was no use. It felt like a test, to see if he was perhaps capable of encouragement. He couldn’t manage that, so he opted for the truth.

“I try to see it as someone else sharing the same passions as you, just on a different level. Exy for me is – everything. It’s what I breathe, eat, sleep, and the honour of having people show excitement, or happiness or any emotion about my connection to it, it fuels me. It makes me want to work harder, so that they can love it more.”

Amira stopped eating, staring at him with raised brows. She looked lost in thought, and he almost thought it was the end of the conversation, but then she spoke again.

“You hide some very interesting things in that brain of yours, Kevin Day. You should be vulnerable more often. It suits you.”

A gently teasing smile flitted upon her face, and he groaned, flinging some rice from his bento plate at her. She pouted a little, picking it from her cheek and eating it. He rolled his eyes, shaking his head at her, before continuing to eat.

“How do you actually feel about not playing your debut?”

“I’m disappointed. But I accept the actions of my consequences. It’s a punishment I deserve. My mum was going to come.”

She said this far more quietly than Kevin expected, and he had to lean in to listen to her. The way she said she deserved it struck a match in his stomach. It made him squirm, and felt his innards singeing. He saw a longing in her eyes there, sad and distant, and he frowned as he watched her.

“I didn’t tell her about the banquet drama, I just said my debut on the team changed. She’s always so busy, so, her next free time is our first game against Edgar Allen for the season. Not entirely ideal, but what can you do?”

She cleared her throat, quickly putting more food in her mouth. Kevin wasn’t quite sure about that feeling. His mother had died so early that missing a motherly figure was foreign to him. Abby was possibly the closest thing, but she was always around. And knowing Wymack would always be at his games – I guess if he wasn’t, a gaping hole would be left in him.

“I’m sure she’ll be watching, tracking every game. And you might be okay, if you remember to stop overextending your steps.”

She suddenly laughed at his criticism, shaking her head and seemed to clear herself away from her sudden sadness. “Couldn’t have a normal conversation without criticising me somehow, could you?”

Kevin shook his head, pretending to be bored as he dug into his fish. “No. Don’t expect any less.”

She smiled feebly, tapping her spoon a moment before putting it down. “Do you remember much about your mom?”

It was a gentle, bare whisper. Kevin nearly dropped his chopsticks, but just managed to save face at the last second. He swallowed his food and stared at his tray numbly. He hated this topic, but hated more the idea that he would ever be ashamed of his emotions regarding her.

“I remember music. Cooking in the kitchen. Watching movies on tiny children’s fold out couches. Her freckles. Her smile. But I can’t remember her voice... Her laugh.”

She watched him carefully, biting her bottom lip as she considered him. “That’s 5 things. More than a young child could be expected to remember. Maybe you are smarter than you look.”

Kevin closed his eyes then, huffing through his nose, feeling his tight chest ease a little. “Thanks.”

She left it at that, and they continued their lunch in pensive silence.

The rest of the day passed with intensifying excitement, and when the Foxes awoke for classes the next day, their floor and dorm doors had been decorated with streamers, balloons, signs and messages on the communal whiteboards with varying degrees of aggression encouragement - from ‘good luck! You’ll beat them!’ to ‘smash them so badly they never come back again.’

Dan savoured it entirely, and even Robin seemed to be more excited, the encouragement from fellow students melting her anxiety away.

The day passed painfully slow, and Kevin was itching for the court all day. When they finally arrived at the stadium at 6pm, they saw campus security helping local police prepare to manage the influxing crowd of stadium goers.

“This is going to be truly insane, isn’t it?”

This came from Robin, who walked in beside Kevin, seemingly asking no one and everyone. Renee laughed lightly at her and patted her on the shoulder encouragingly.

“It’s going to be a feeling unlike any other, and you’ll become addicted.”

It was true enough for Kevin to nod in agreement, and Robin smiled with a more confident smile than he had seen on her during the last few weeks.

As they all gathered into the lounge, Wymack and Abby stood with shared smiles on their faces, looking thrilled to be back into the swing of it.

“Alright team – UV Catamounts. They are bitter about their loss to us in the death match last year. They were violent then, and I can assure you they will be more violent now. The ERC already has high expectations of us for this season, but we’re also under their microscope. I want MINIMAL yellow cards. And no red cards, under any circumstances. We cannot afford it. Now – old Foxes – you all have more subs this year than last. That means I want you playing hard, faster. You don’t need to conserve as much energy anymore. I want them cut off at the feet from the get go. Can we do that?”

Kevin’s chest felt the elated, floating sense of purpose as Wymack spoke, everyone screaming ‘Yes Coach!’ before going off to get ready.

As Kevin was at his locker, he downed his entire flask for a bit of extra luck, feeling more energized, ready than ever for this game. He walked up behind Dan as she lead the Foxes to the outer court, for an opportunity to warm up. The crowd was starting to fill, and they screamed deafeningly when they saw the Foxes. Jack waved, cocky smile plastered across his face, and that set them off to scream for longer.

Their warm ups were met with continual cheering, with the Palmetto band playing live sound effects to every ball that ricocheted off the wall. Aaron managed to duck off to see Katelyn, and Kevin screwed up his face at how long they made out without coming up for air. Nicky whistled, cupping his gloved hands to mimic a megaphone.

“You can’t play with a boner, Aaron! I’m pretty sure there’s rules against that!”

Katelyn burst out laughing against Aaron’s lips, giving him one last peck on his cheek before pushing him away. Aaron’s face was red, but he looked elated. Kevin shoved him, ordering him to focus on their warm up drills.

When the Catamounts came onto the court, they were met with mixed sounds, some of their fans from Vermont had come for the game, so they had some home cheers. But it was far outweighed by the roaring boos of the home fans.

Their players jogged on, sporting green and yellow uniforms. Kevin tried to remove the distaste in his mouth, as he privately thought it looked like they had stolen Australia’s awful olympic uniforms.

He tried not to show his amusement at the thought, and glanced over to where he saw Amira standing at the outer court between Wymack and Abby. She wore her uniform without her armour, and had gone to the effort of purchasing Palmetto-orange prescription glasses. Abby had put on a matching fox ear headband on the pair of them. When Amira caught sight of Kevin looking, she waved. Longing tinged her expression and fading bruises, but even she couldn’t be deflated in such a buzzing environment. Kevin hadn’t realised he had zoned out until Aaron slammed into him, laughing as Kevin’s lack of preparedness made him fall to the ground. He scowled, kicking out at Aaron, who simply poked at Kevin with his racquet, leaning down to whisper to him.

“Kevin, what is this ongoing staring competition you’re having with Amira lately? Is she even aware she’s meant to be participating?”

Aaron smirked, leaping back and running away as Kevin got up, enraged and chased after him with his racquet. Kevin readied to aim and hopefully ricochet his head into the plexiglass. Only when Wymack’s booming voice came from the outer court, did the pair stop running.

“We haven’t even started the game, you idiots! Cut it out!”

Kevin glared at Wymack, then at Aaron, who snorted in amusement. The others looked at the pair, wondering how they had even managed to fight within such a small period of time. Dan cut them both a curt, impatient look and they both got back to drills.

Once they were called off for warm ups, Dan stood up front, hands on hips and ready to deliver a likely cringe but otherwise motivating speech.

“Alright Foxes, here is to a new year. To a better, stronger and hopefully undefeatable version of us. I can feel it already that we have this in the bag. Please do not be wrong – Andrew is being a dick and betting against me. I believe in every single one of you. Jack, Sheena, Robin, Itzel, Aubrey, play like you have never played before. They will know you’re new, and they will target you, but don’t let them get to you. Amira – I’m so fucking crazy about you not playing today, but next week, we’ll be full team. And it will be even better than today. Foxes, on three!”

They all cheered loudly, and the impatient gnawing that tugged at Kevin for the day finally dissipated as the refs called the teams out. For the first half, Kevin and Sheena would be strikers, Matt and Itzel as backliners, Renee in goal and Dan as dealer. Kevin watched Dan go onto the court to meet the other captain, who seemed indifferent to Dan’s presence. She was ever the polite one nonetheless, and in the coin toss, they got first serve.

Kevin watched Sheena step on, who had put a bandage over every piercing on her face and ears. She looked like a pocky, acne scarred teenager, but Kevin was privately glad she knew to protect it, not let it interfere with her gameplay. Sheena had become better over the last few weeks, but she still had a long way to go. She was fast, which was beneficial, but she was too engrossed in doing long shots that her rebounds suffered from lack of accuracy.

Robin had taken to silently shadowing Andrew, because he wouldn’t give her advice or tips to improve. And when he did, he spoke in rhyme and riddle. She primarily relied on Renee, and additional support from Dan and Wymack. She was okay, and had great rebound aims, but she was struggling with balancing her guarding speed and her own beefiness.

Itzel’s speed was going to be crucial for their defense, which she knew, but Matt and Aaron were still working with her and Nicky on their strength. Aubrey’s power would be great at being a defensive dealer, and he could help hold up their backline when needed, but his endurance was lacking.

As for Jack, where he lacked in speed, he was aggressive, and could throw a powerful ball. But his constant desire for a fight, to stir up others – he knew Andrew couldn’t leash him on a court. With that, and knowing the nature of the rest of the Foxes, he knew they were in for a hell of a game.

Kevin wished he wasn’t right, but as usual, he was. Within the first 3 minutes, Matt had managed to get into a fight with the Catamount’s dealer, who shoved Dan far too long after she no longer had possession of the ball. The dealer shrugged, pretending not to know what he was talking about. Because the ball had instantly been at the away end of the court, the refs didn’t pick up on it. Matt tried to argue with them, but Dan told him to cool it so they could continue with the game play.

Kevin was glad his hand was back to its semblance of normality. The 2 weeks since the banquet had allowed it to heal up okay, and he felt no ongoing issues with it. At the 7 minute mark, Kevin scored their first goal, and Dan and Sheena clacked their nets against his in excitement. The rolling roar of the crowd at the Foxes’ having won their first point of the season, filled Kevin’s veins with the adrenaline to rinse and repeat.

And that he did. By the time it got to the end of the first half, Kevin had scored 3 more goals, and Sheena scored her first one. Kevin was surprised to see she had tears of excitement in her eyes when she did. She stood near the goals, both arms in the air and waved her racquet around. The crowd went feral for it, and cheered her on ecstatically. Dan and Matt imitated bowing, and she looked exceptionally pleased with herself. Renee had done beautifully, and only 1 goal had slipped past her in the first half. They hadn’t even had a single yellow card. Kevin thought Itzel was going to cop one at one point, as one of the strikers swung so close to her head it nearly clipped her helmet. The stiff, cold glower she stabbed at them started up a fight, at which the striker, who was significantly taller, started to tower over her. Itzel didn’t back down, and when Matt stepped up, even taller than the striker, the striker scowled, going to shove him but was held back by their other striker. Itzel smirked at their cowering, and played the rest of the first half with a shit-eating grin on her face. Allison patted them all keenly on the arm as they came off for the mid game break, and once everyone was in the lounge, Abby handed out water bottles and oranges to them all.

Wymack was grinning ear to ear, hands on hips as he nodded at the TV, which was replaying the highlights of the first half.

“Fan-fucking-tasic Foxes. This is it. This is what we want. I know you lot showed restraint that first half, they were baiting for a fight the whole time, mostly with you backliners. Keep it up. But if they keep snapping at you - I’ll allow some gentle taps.”

Aaron smirked, and Dan stood beside Wymack, nodding in agreement.

“Amazing work guys - Kevin - I’m not feeding your ego, so don’t even look at me for it - but I do want everyone to give a round to Sheena for her first goal as a Fox!”

Kevin thought the Catamount’s goalie was shit, so it was only easier for Sheena to do so, but he didn’t say that. He gave a clap along with everyone else, Sheena nodding happily, and Dan continued on.

“All right - Aubrey, you’re subbing on for me and Allison will take the last quarter. Rob, I want you in goal for the 3rd quarter. Then Andrew, you’re in. Neil, Jack, you’re in for Kev and Sheena. Aaron & Nicky, you’re on the whole second half. Now let’s go out there. I want them crawling out of the court, too embarrassed to even look at us. Let’s show them how it’s done.”

The determined grin on her face made Abby laugh, and she hurried them all out, Amira grabbing Neil by the elbow, whispering quietly to him as he went. He raised an eyebrow, nodding slowly and gave a nod in thanks before jogging off to the court. Kevin narrowed his eyes, peeling off his gloves and waddling awkwardly after Amira to catch up.

“What did you say to him?”

Amira turned her head back at him, nodding her head toward the court for him to follow. He peeled off his leg padding awkwardly as he went so he could at least walk normally. Once at the outer court barrier, Dan stood with Wymack, both of them winding up to instruct their Foxes through the second half.

Amira stood a little further away from them, waving for Kevin to come to her side. He quickly peeled off his helmet, pushing his sweaty hair back off his forehead. He looked up as the crowd screamed at him, the closest of them a bunch of girls Kevin had seen around campus. He smiled charmingly and waved at them, and he winced as their screaming went up in pitch. He turned to Amira, and she nodded at the court. Seconds later, the refs had blown the whistle for the second half to behind.

“Watch the backliners, they have no style. They cycle through the same 4 or 5 robotic moves when they defend, alternating. Neil and I were counting. He told Jack. It should be easier to ruffle their feathers this half.”

She looked to him, smiling brightly. Kevin almost forgot an exy game was happening. Almost. He flinched when Andrew and Matt came up behind them, Matt slapping Kevin on the back, looking overjoyed.

“Great first half Kev, we’re crushing their balls.”

Amira laughed at that, Andrew looking half bored, but also keen at the idea of beating the team so badly they died of shame. Matt put his arms above his head and leaned on the barrier, resting his forehead as he watched. Andrew folded his arms, and Kevin watched him watch Robin. It wasn’t always telling with him, but Kevin could tell he at least wanted Robin to succeed.

It only took minutes, but the violence that the Catamounts posed in the first half immediately doubled in the second half. They clearly weren’t happy losing by such a large amount, and it showed in their aggression. And Amira was right – the defence moves were pathetically robotic. How they had lasted so long as a Class I team beat him.

At the fifth minute, the Catamount defence dealer moved far too much into their own home side, which in itself was a risk. He had the same height and build as Matt, and when Aaron had successfully stolen the ball, he body slammed him into the barrier so hard, that Aaron didn’t immediately get back up. The refs blew their whistle, and Nicky and Aubrey were at his side. Aubrey was crouched down, and Nicky was shoving back at the dealer with crude insults. Aaron tried to stand, but had to rely on his stick and Aubrey for balance. He was blinking excessively. Kevin felt Andrew twitch beside him, but otherwise made no movements. Kevin felt a roil of hot anger in his stomach, slamming on the glass, as the refs took a long time to pull out a card. And it was only yellow.

Wymack clearly felt the same white, hot frustration that Kevin did, because he called for the refs to let them sub out. He waved Matt over, who hurried to get on for Aaron. He then turned back to the refs, yelling wildly.

“A yellow? Are you fuc- are you serious right now?! He’s barely standing! That wasn’t legal!”

Wymack kept going at the refs, and eventually Abby had to reel him back in. Aubrey & Nicky helped to bring Aaron off, his eyes etched with worry. Andrew walked over to them, Amira and Kevin hurrying after him. Abby quickly took over with Aaron, and with Dan’s help, got him to the change rooms. Nicky went to go after him, but Andrew put a hand on his arm, holding tight. He looped a finger into Nicky’s helmet, and pulled it down so they were eye level. Andrew only said 2 words, but it refocused Nicky so quickly he stopped trembling.

“Kill them.”

Nicky nodded, and Matt gave him a reassuring nod as they went back on. Andrew glanced back at where Abby and Dan had taken Aaron, but folded his arms, opting to continue watching the game instead.

The Foxes got possession, and after Aaron’s sub, the game turned into a violent mess. Each interaction between offense and defense got increasingly more dirty. Matt and Nicky were fueled with fury for Aaron, and successfully managed to keep the ball far from the away goal. The strikers were filthy about it, as they kept body slamming, toe stepping and shoving the backliners whilst the ball was at the other end. Robin managed to save 2 of 3 goals that came her way, but it was saved by Neil getting 2 goals as well.

Kevin didn’t need to ask — when Andrew subbed on for Robin, he knew the goal would be locked down. The strikers quickly realised this too, as their every attempt to get a goal from that point forth got closer and closer to the goal itself, and they let themselves run into Andrew when he caught and deflected them all. Jack’s frustration at his lack of ball possession made him lash out at Neil, and he started yelling that he was a ball hogger. It was more like Matt and Nicky were purposefully passing to Neil, as Jack had fumbled 2 out of the 5 times he had been passed the ball.

Jack shoved at Neil, who ducked and got behind him, pushing him forward from behind, and he sprawled down onto the ground. Jack raged then, as he had bumped into and accidentally knocked a backliner down with him. The two of them started punching, pulling, grabbing, kicking at each other in a rolling mess on the floor. The refs yelled, and it took 3 of them plus Neil and Matt to get them separated.

The refs didn’t know who to card – Neil had pushed but Jack and the backliner were the ones that started fighting at the same time. They demanded the game continue. When they finally got to full time, the end score was 8-2, Foxes’ way. The crowd went ballistic, their stomps, claps and yells echoing loudly around the stadium. The off court Foxes ran on to join their players, and Kevin found himself grinning wildly, jumping on top of Matt and shaking his shoulders. Matt held him up, wild with glee. Nicky had grabbed Neil and was swinging him in circles, Neil moaning in dizziness. Allison stood with Andrew, giving him a fistbump which he grudgingly returned. Dan and Renee wrapped their arms around Aubrey, who’s eyes were shining. It was the biggest smile Kevin had ever seen on their timid dealer, and it was clearly contagious, as even Itzel was grinning ear to ear. Amira stepped up beside Kevin with glassy eyes. Not from being unable to play, but the overwhelming feeling of having won, the crazy environment that surrounded them. Coach yelled for their attention from the sideline, pointing beside him.

Abby had helped Aaron to the outer court, and he looked more stable, smiling and giving everyone a thumbs up. They all cheered, and Nicky ran first to hug him, with as much gentle capability that he could manage. Kevin looked to Amira, her fingers interlocking in front of her. She glanced at him, then nodded at the Foxes. Another silent question.

He thought about what it may be she was asking, and suspected it may be if he was happy with their performance. Kevin gave an honest, satisfied nod and she tilted her chin down with a small smile. He stared at that tiny, sweet grin for a moment, and let her joy wash over him. His eyes diverted over at Jack, with pursed lips and a cold glare. The awful disappointment of not scoring his first game had clearly struck him hard. He stormed off as soon as he could from the court. None of the other Foxes seemed to care though.

Nothing could ruin the pure, overwhelming joy they felt that night.

Chapter Text

The high of their first win of the year was further engrained at Palmetto State over the weekend.

The football, soccer & baseball teams of Palmetto also won their first season games over the duration of the Saturday, and Palmetto transformed into a giant party on Saturday night.

With all the sport students in one building, the football players had set up the basement to hold a huge celebration. The Foxes didn’t much interact with the other sport teams at Palmetto. Dan, Allison and Aaron were the primary ones, Dan because she was a captain, Allison because she was ever the social butterfly since their championship win last year, and Aaron because of Katelyn.

So when Aaron said he was going because of Katelyn, Nicky begged the rest of them to join in. Andrew and Neil had no care for it, and Kevin couldn’t care less, except for the alcohol. Which is what convinced him into going.

Andrew very strictly told them all not to come back to the dorm before midnight, and once they stepped out, he slammed it in their faces none too happily, Neil waving farewell to them at Andrew’s side. Aaron fake gagged and groaned, Nicky laughing as they stood outside.

“Ahhh ever the unsubtle one dear Andrew is. Now, how fucked up are we getting tonight?”

He grinned as he led them to the girl’s dorm, knocking on the door. Dan opened it up instantly, and ushered the boys in. She was in such a happy mood, even Kevin felt a little excited.

Renee & Itzel stood in the kitchen, making a mixture of cocktails and mocktails, waving happily in greeting to the boys. Robin stood with Matt, as they had a karaoke game on, microphones hooked up, and were singing joyously to some pop song - something about his humps. Allison and even Aurey were laughing in hysterics at Matt’s sensual dancing, and Amira seemed unable to stop her own laughter. Robin struggled to keep up with Matt, as she too couldn’t contain the giggles.

Dan smiled happily at the scene of her united Foxes. Nicky immediately wanted to join in, and jumped over, Matt letting him sing into the microphone too. Aaron shook his head at the amount of noise, and sat on one of the dining stools, where Kevin joined him. Katelyn arrived a short while later, and Aaron immediately perked up, jump started by her presence. Kevin said a quiet hello to her, preferring to steer clear. Katelyn had a habit of giving Kevin’s number out to girls who asked her about him, which he hated. He constantly got random texts from people he didn’t know, asking him out, if he was down to fuck or if he was up for a threesome.

Kevin had no interest in it. All of that was a distraction to the game, not something he would willingly risk. He watched as Amira came over, taking the finished mocktail and handing one each to Robin and Matt. She then served out a cocktail to everyone else, and leaned against the bench beside Kevin, talking to Katelyn with a warm smile.

Amira wore a cropped top and baggy jeans that lay low on her hips. He raised an eyebrow as he noticed a belly button piercing for the first time. It shone gold, with a little red jewel. He found he couldn’t look away - from the piercing, from her smooth brown skin, her soft belly, her hip bones -

He coughed when he realised Katelyn had asked him something, choking a bit on his drink as he looked up to her, wiping his mouth.

“What?”

She raised an eyebrow, glancing at Aaron, a private comment passing between them before she spoke again.

“I said, when are you going to respond to any of the enquiries to sleep with you from the ladies I so freely give your number out to?”

Kevin rolled his eyes at Katelyn, turning his attention to the TV in hopes that he could shake the unsavoury thoughts that were currently plaguing his mind.

“You are wasting your time Katelyn, I’m not a male stripper you can rent out to women as you please.”

Matt turned at that, with a wicked smile on his face.

“You would make a good stripper though, Kevin. Dan and I have actually discussed this in detail, she reckons you have the height and strength for it.”

Aaron and Nicky lost it at that, laughing so hard that Aaron had tears in his eyes. Kevin was both offended but also oddly flattered. He knew how hard it was to have that type of upper body strength and that it was not something to be underestimated.

“I’d make more money than any of you, any day. You're lucky I don’t commit to the career change.”

Dan cackled at that, and Allison swooped up, holding up her fingers in a square as if measuring him up. She smiled and patting Kevin on the head.

“I fear Dan and Matt may be right on this one, Day. If you weren’t such a bratty asshole I’d actually probably put you at the top of my Fox Fuck List. At current however, it is Renee, as beautiful personalities and beautiful people always snag me. But she is yet to be wooed by my sexy allure.”

She went up to Renee then, hiking a showy leg up on and straddled her sideways. Renee put an arm around her waist and laughed, shaking her head. She slowly fed her some of her own cocktail.
“I don’t think you’ve thought about this hard enough, Al. I told you, I’m waiting until marriage now. And I know you don’t have the patience. You might need to bump me down your list.”

Katelyn laughed at that, shaking her head and checking her watch for the time.

“Okay you horny weirdos, we have 5 minutes to leave. I can’t even believe it’s nearly 10 o’clock, this day has gone so fast.”

She sighed as she drank and Aaron rubbed her shoulders, kissing the top of her head. Amira kept her gaze on the far wall, and Kevin wondered what she was thinking about.

He finished his own drink, and when they walked out the door and started to go downstairs, they realised how ignorant they had been of the noise. It was blasting so loud, they could feel it through the floor. Nicky looked excited the closer they got, and when they got down there, the more bodies they passed. They barely reached the bottom and they were in the thick of it. So many students from other faculties had descended it became a collapsed ant colony, bodies on bodies on bodies. Everyone seemed to instinctively grab onto someone – Nicky took hold of Kevin, Amira and Renee were together, Matt and Dan, Robin and Allison, Itzel and Aubrey, and Aaron and Katelyn. They forged forward, Nicky leading the way and they finally found a small group of the soccer team. They cheered when they saw the Foxes, and greetings were thrown, tossed, twisted in every direction. The captain of the soccer team, Danny Mursh, leaned in close to Kevin, hair pulled into a high bun, yelling so he could hear him.

“Drinks for all the players are covered - one of the football player’s dad’s is a shareholder in some alcohol company - how fucking sick is that?”

Kevin smiled winningly, patting him on the arm in thanks and began to lead everyone to the drinks. From there, it was almost impossible to keep them all together. Katelyn dragged Aaron and Allison over to her fellow cheerleader friends, Renee, Itzel, Aubrey & Robin were happy to float at the edge, and Dan had taken Amira to introduce her to some of the other sport players. Matt nudged Kevin, who downed a cup of extremely sweet and extremely strong punch that was on the table. Nicky slapped them both on the shoulder, and steered them to the football players. Kevin thought the lot of them had the combined brain cell of a duck, which he knew Nicky agreed with, but Nicky found entertainment in asking them endless stupid questions in order to receive even more stupid answers.

Matt picked up on it, and soon joined in, enjoying the toying of their intelligence, his and Nicky’s queries getting more ridiculous. Kevin was unsure how they had spent an hour at it, but he chewed up the time going back and forth to the drinks table, keeping himself and Nicky topped up. At some point, Allison appeared and had asked them all to come and dance.

The football players had keen and immediate interest in her, and followed like a collection of idiotic puppies. Matt laughed, leaning to Kevin and Nicky.

“She’s truly got her pick of the litter tonight, smart bloody woman!”

Nicky hiccuped with drunken laughter, as did Kevin. The world, the lights, the bodies were tilting, and it was oh so good. He wasn’t really sure how it happened, but Allison had a majority of the football team and Katelyn’s fellow cheerleaders all dancing together. The girls did coordinated routines to songs they liked, earning small crowds that cheered them on. Kevin half closed his eyes, letting himself go to the throng of the music, and everything felt timeless. He didn’t realise he was dancing with someone until he had finished his drink, the last drips not savoured enough. He had his arms around a girl’s waist, who had her back to him, pushing herself against his torso, his groin.

She twirled in his arms, and lifted her own drink, slowly feeding it to him. The replenishment was gross, bitter, and the girl stared at him with a sultry, happy expression. Kevin thought she was pretty – she had lightly tanned skin, a curly brown bob, and pretty blue eyes. He had no idea who she was. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he wasn’t entirely sure what she was saying as she whispered into his ear. He rested his chin on her shoulder, holding her close. She was very warm and sweaty – he probably was as well. Who thought a party in a basement was a good idea? His head lolled in agreement to whatever she said, everything going in one ear and out the other. It was likely trivial or flirty, and he cared for neither. He let his mind wander to a discussion he had with Amira in history earlier that week. Something about African influence on Greek art. He needed to remind himself to tell her about it. He felt the girl’s cheek against his, his lips on her ears, then on his neck.

He closed his eyes and relaxed a little. He didn’t let himself do it much. It always felt nice to have another body entwined close to his, heated and needy, wanting. He wasn’t fully into it, it was passionless, but he let himself be touched, used. He pulled the girl closer, gazing unfocused across the room. He blinked a few times to clear his blurred vision, and after a moment of looking at faces, he saw Amira’s. He watched her, because she was watching him. She stood at the outskirts of the crowd, leaning against the wall, holding a drink. She looked relaxed. The lights glowed on her skin - reds, blues, purples shattering, setting her alight. He let the girl nuzzle into his neck, her tongue warm, soft on his skin. Amira watched it all, even as Kevin’s hands moved onto the girl’s hips, onto the curve of her ass, as her kisses moved from his neck to his jaw. She soaked in the scene before her and Kevin found he couldn’t break his eye contact with Amira. The girl he was with had eventually found his lips. Hers tasted like beer, and Kevin hated beer. But even there, with his tongue in her mouth, hers in his, his eyes stayed glued on Amira’s. She sipped her drink then, cup at her mouth, biting the rim. Kevin moaned a little, felt his hands sliding up her back, tugging her waist closer to his. He felt himself biting on her lip, before gently moving his own mouth to her soft jaw, the bare skin of her neck, shoulder. He watched Amira in a trance. She seemed to have spilled some of her drink, as she wiped it off her chest, and sucked her finger clean. As her finger went in slowly to her mouth, tongue wet and slow around it, Kevin felt himself coming undone. The girl was gripping his hair, breathing quickly in his ear. Kevin winced as she tugged a little too hard, and he made the mistake of closing his eyes for a split second. When he opened them again, Amira was no longer there. All he saw was throngs of people dancing. He couldn’t make out anyone’s faces.

He jolted back suddenly, and the girl’s eyes widened in confusion. She waved her hand in front of Kevin. Noise came out of her mouth, but it was muffled, meaningless. He blinked disorientation taking over as he stumbled back, too drunk to walk straight. He pushed, shoved his way to the drinks table, and downed another sweet cup of punch. He clutched his shirt, which felt tight on his chest. What just happened?

He needed air – fresh air. He shoved people out of his way, probably harder than necessary, to get out of the crowded basement. He slowly clambered his way out, breathing hard. He aimed for the rooftop, where he climbed and climbed and climbed the stairs. Once he got to the Foxes’ floor, he clambered to the stairs leading to the roof, and opened it, and the cool air immediately soothed him.

He closed the door, and leaned back against it, closing his eyes and tilting his head back. He focused on breathing, trying to even out his racing mind. Had that really just happened?

The peace of the silent night didn’t last long, as something was suddenly pegged so hard in his stomach, he doubled over.

“What the fuck?”

He groaned, slowly looking up at three figures sitting at the small table Andrew had dragged up on the roof. They had playing cards out, and a CD player beside them. One of them was holding a cookie, and threw another one at Kevin.

“Ah Kevin, I missed throwing shit at you. Why’d you run away from the party?”

Andrew smiled as Kevin scowled in annoyance. He slowly stood and froze, eyes locked on Amira. Everything started to tunnel then, and all he could see was her. He was vaguely aware Neil was there beside Andrew, but it didn’t matter. She stared back in confusion, tilting her head to the side.

“Are you alright?”

She raised an eyebrow, and Kevin thought he was seeing a ghost.

“How long have you been up here?”

It was all he could muster, his voice ragged, slurred in his drunken stupor. She looked to Neil and Andrew for answers, before turning back to Kevin slowly.

“I left the party after an hour. Too much noise, too many people. Why?”

Kevin felt he was going to be sick. He shook his head, stumbling forward and went right up to Amira, grabbing her collar. It wasn’t a vicious move, not to scare her, but to see that she was telling the truth. She frowned, staring at him through her glasses, her eyes wandering to his lips and neck. She raised her brows high in surprise, the evidence of his earlier activities marked on his skin. Another silent question pooled in her eyes. Seeing if he was actually okay. But he had no answer for her. Atleast, not one that wouldn’t upend whatever calm mood the three of them were enjoying. Neil stood, peeling Kevin back from her. Kevin shrugged him off, clearing his throat and running his hands over his face.

“Nothing. I gotta go.”

When he turned to leave, he hadn’t seen Andrew move, and was stopped by his hand patting Kevin on the chest.

“What’s plaguing that brain of yours Kevin? You get in a punch on with a curling iron or something? Was it worth it? Was it a uh… good experience?”

He reached out and flicked Kevin’s hickeyed neck, but Kevin reached and grabbed his wrist, lip twitching in anger. Andrew smiled at that, and Kevin hated how easily he let Andrew get under his skin.

“Fuck you Andrew.”

He let go, and left before anyone else could say a word. The blood rushing to his ears prevented him from knowing he was being shadowed, and upon trying to slam shut the dorm door, it was stopped by a foot.

He whirled around, Amira carefully opening the door, as if handling a wild animal. She pulled her hair to one side, leaning against the door frame. His chest racketed hard inside him, his breaths quickening in succession with his heartbeat.

“Kevin, are you sure you want to be alone right now?”

He blinked, at the genteel, the kindness. He hated himself then, for wanting to gravitate towards it. He rubbed his eyes and took another few steps away from her.

“I’m fine. Just need sleep.”

She narrowed her eyes, stepping carefully into the dorm and going to the kitchen. He sniffled, watching her come back with an ice cube. She held a hand out expectantly and he gritted his teeth, unable to reject her. Holding out his arm, she took it so carefully in hers, he wanted to be consumed whole. She pressed the ice cube onto his inner wrist, moving it in circles, before placing it in his hand to do himself.

“You should take a break, you know. From that pedestal you constantly force yourself on top off. Grounding yourself might give you the ability to breathe every now and then.”

She turned and left then, and he had to clench his legs to stop himself from collapsing. Trembling, he retreated to the bedroom with the ice in hand, found a bottle of Nicky’s rum, and began to down it. He stumbled to bed, stripping off his clothes, staring at the ceiling. He ignored that every time he brought the bottle to his lips, it dripped on his chin, his chest.

His thoughts slurred, mixed and flipped over and over in his mind. He’d had thoughts about fellow team mates before. In dire times where he craved bodily heat, intensity, the feeling that he wasn’t utterly alone in a mind that constantly tried to drown him within. Getting that from sex gave a numbing fulfilment beyond what exy could. But thinking about it from Amira – he shouldn’t be doing it. She felt off limits, he wasn’t sure why. Not because of her past but because she just seemed… too ethereal, too many levels above what he deserved. He needed to muzzle himself, find another way to sort his frustrations out. He occasionally went through phases of just sleeping whenever with whoever. He rarely slept with the same person twice since he left the Ravens. The fear of someone getting to know him more intimately than surface level hookups was too risky.

Maybe it was time for another… phase. He needed to push whatever it was he saw earlier so far out of his head, that he couldn’t remember it.

It was the only way to keep himself from going insane.

-

The week leading up to the Foxes’ second game of the season continued to add to Kevin’s festering inner conflict.

He had 3 out of 4 of their classes with Amira – plus their afternoon trainings with the team, and the private night training on top of that. He couldn’t escape her in his waking hours, let alone his sleeping ones. She kept appearing in his dreams, always out of reach. She was usually running in her Fox uniform or seated in rows away from him in class. Every time he got close to her dream state, she moved just out of sight, unable to be fully seen. It was driving him insane. And the worst part was that he had no one to blame but himself.

She had the decency to act normal at least, even though Kevin spent most of the time either in silence or degrading her on the court. It was the only bearable interaction he could have, that made him feel normal. Anything else led to unsavoury thoughts, and they were poisoning his mind. He hated admitting some odd part of him wanted her within proximity all the time.

When he was in the Nest, he discovered a major problem. When he craved someone, he wanted them immediately, wholly, entirely. Always for people who were too good for him. Where he was a broken, unyielding, bitter fool, the people he yearned for were brighter than the stars, galaxies beyond his deserving. He had never had the time or space to safely explore what a genuine connection could be.
As he deserved, it was time to ruin himself again. With rough sex with names and faces that would simply be shadows in passing. Burn out the idea that he could live in a reality where he could obtain gems, diamonds. He had to remind himself that all his worth was in exy only. Anything beyond that scope was unallowable, out of reach. How could he exist in a world that wasn’t entirely consumed with it?
He had luck sleeping with someone on Sunday night, and dumbfoundingly continued to do so for the rest of the week. He slept with the same person between Sunday night and Tuesday, then swapped to someone else from Wednesday to Friday morning. He knew the team had become aware of it. He came out of sorts, breathless, sweaty or barely dressed for training or night sessions, but never late. Wymack was too awkward to say anything about it. The others continually tried to get answers out of him, but he was having none of their gossip mongering. He had to get himself tested between Tuesday morning and Wednesday night, which added to his extremely busy week. The Reddin Medical Centre thankfully gave fast results.

The vodka helped him manage it all. It kept him from having to feel too much the whole time. His thrumming morning anxiety slowly dimmed, which he discovered was the work of drinking the right amount of vodka before he slept. Dealing with a headache was better than his pounding chest. He did have to start changing where he bought his alcohol though, which was inconvenient. He had seen the same check out lady too many times, and she had started to give him weird looks. He became paranoid that she would say something, so he started going to another store.

By the time their Friday game against the Belmont Terrapins came, he finally felt he had a grip on his mind. He used the vodka to numb it, the sex to rid of his distracting thoughts and exy to beat out his frustrations.

It nearly came undone when they had arrived at Belmonte University for their second game. They were readying to go on, and Dan announced she was going to let Amira play the entire first half as dealer. She had kept it a surprise, as she initially said she would share the second half with Allison. Amira’s eyes watered, and she wrapped Dan in a grateful hug, repeatedly asking if she was 100% certain. Dan reassured her multiple times, nodding and smiling with pride.

“Alright Foxes – we finally have all of you playing today! Let’s show them what it’s like to play a full team of us!”

They all whooped and cheered, and Kevin blanked his expression, but kept his eyes on Amira. The joy, excitement on her face was enough to bring him back to the week before. She finally looked back to normal as well – it had been a few weeks since the fight with the Ravens, and her nose and face had no more bruises. She was almost glowing with excitement today. He shook his head, willing himself to get the hell out of whatever shitty headspace he had put himself in, and walked to the outer court. He and Neil were playing first half, with Jack subbing Neil halfway through. Neil wanted to play with Sheena in second half to try out their team work a bit more. The Terrapins were a safer team to experiment on. It wast cruel, but in the end, Kevin didn’t care as long as they won.

The Terrapins won the coin toss and got the starting play but lost choosing which goal to start on. When everyone got on the court, Kevin blew everything out of his mind. He had downed some vodka before coming on, felt it sloshing inside. He was ready for another win. When the whistle blew, he felt like he was floating.

It got off to a great start – Amira having managed to get possession straight off the opposing dealer, who looked dumbfounded at what just occurred considering it was a debut player. Amira sprinted, passing to Neil with smooth ease, and from there, everything was uphill.

Nicky and Aaron actually started to look bored with how little defense they had to do.

The night training with Amira clearly paid off, but that wasn’t what impressed him. It was that she knew how to interact with every other player. She knew how fast Neil was, so she would throw the ball further for him to catch. She knew Matt’s throws were powerful, so she gave herself distance to receive them. She had been studying Andrew’s rebounds from his deflected shots, as she found how to be in the right place at the right time. When she played with Kevin and got him the plays he needed – he felt a rhythm so smooth, so wonderfully aligned, he thought he could stop there and die happy. She knew where he would be, and when he would be there. She read his signals, knew the plays he was choosing to utilise. It was a sync that made him feel a part of 1 whole, that reminded him that this was what exy was about. The flying, freeing feeling of soaring with no guidance, but knowing that if he fell, someone would be there to catch him.

Although their opposition was on the easier side, seeing Amira in action was nothing short of impressive. He would never tell her that. She still made mistakes – she misstepped and didn’t catch balls, or threw them too early when she didn’t need to. He’d enjoy rubbing that in and reminding her. But she would enjoy it just as much, taking it and running with it.

By the time they got to half time, they were up 4-0. Kevin had scored 2, and so had Neil. Jack still had not scored any, and his growing frustration was a pain to be around. He threw his helmet and stick when he came off court, and stormed off to the guest change rooms like a child.

Dan groaned, rolling her eyes and waved at Kevin to speak to the team in her stead, as she jogged off to find Jack.

Kevin sighed, and the itching feeling of regretting bringing Jack onto the team grew stronger by the day. He turned to the Foxes, hands on his hips, his fingers looped into his helmet as he watched them all.

“We could’ve scored more just then. Nicky, Aaron, if I see you standing doing jack shit on the court again like that, I’ll throw the ball so hard it goes through you. Neil, you let number 8 get close to you way too often, you know better than that. Amira, you kept throwing too early and you went over the step count twice.”

It was as loose of a leash in terms of praise that he was willing to give them. He didn’t even bother to mention Andrew. Aaron huffed and pointed the end of his stick into Kevin’s chest.
“I’d like the jury to know that I saw Kevin Day mess up at least 2 of his rebounds, which resulted in me having to do work on the court against a team that has the combined capability of a baby elephant.”

Nicky and Allison laughed, and Amira nodded in agreement. Kevin grabbed the end of Aaron’s stick and tugged it forward so Aaron was face to face, but Matt pushed them apart. He shook his head, pointing to where Dan and Jack were in the hallway leading to the guest lounge. They appeared to be having a massive argument, and Jack threw his stick on the ground, and walked towards the stadium exit, disappearing through the doors.

Neil threw his hands in the air at his leaving, Dan stressfully twisting her racquet in her hand as she rejoined them all.

“He’s not staying to watch the rest of the game. We’ll discuss this later. Coach – leave it. Not worth it.”

Wymack looked pissed, and that was saying something considering how well their current game was going. Sheena narrowed her eyes at the exit, as if not truly believing Jack had left, before turning to look at Wymack.

“He thinks everyone is against him succeeding and being a full part of the team. He’s pissed that Kevin has abandoned his faith in him, and he really hates Dan’s guts. I think he just hates everyone, for one reason or another. He’s exhausting to be around. I’m not sure how you deal with it.”

She pointed her look to Matt, Aubrey and Aaron. Matt shook his head, as if to say it is what it is. It irked Kevin that Jack was blaming his poor performance on him. Jack only had himself to blame, he seemed determined to let his temper outdo his focus on court, and it was insufferable to endure his presence on even a normal day. Kevin turned to Sheena, swatting his hand dismissively.

“Who cares. If he can’t handle working on a team, that is his problem. Coach and Dan can sort it out later. We need to focus on this game, playing both halves is nothing Neil and I can’t handle. I want a double digit score. So make it happen.”

Nicky rolled his eyes at the demanding tone, but Aubrey seemed well prepared and excited at the prospect. After half time was up, the players re-entered the inner court, ready to play. The Terrapins played the second half with more aggression, but not in the desire to be violent, rather, to play dirty. They kept doing high swings, risky body checks when the Foxes were just out of possession and trying to get under their skin.

The backliner on Kevin at this point had kept bringing up the Ravens and his old injury. If the Foxes were losing, he may have taken the bait, if only to shut him up. But he was too smug in their current thrashing of the team to care. At about 30 minutes into the half, the Foxes were up 8-1, and Belmonte’s backliners started to get far more aggressive. The girl on Neil kept insulting his scarred face, which boiled Kevin’s blood. But Neil did what Neil did best – he ran. Continually faster than the backliner could keep up. She only ever had a chance to speak to him when the ball was up the away end. As for Kevin’s mark, the guy had changed tactics, to bringing up the girls on the team.

“How come you get all the hot ones? The ones on our team are bitches. Ugly, boring bitches. Is number 14 single? I’d like to see that braid wrapped around my fist from behind.”

The comment was so out of the blue, and Kevin wasn’t sure he had heard right until the guy kept speaking.

“She seems cosy with your team, do you all take turns or something? Lucky lot you are. And that rainbow blondie too -”

Kevin didn’t let him finish, as Matt had thrown the ball his way. He swung his stick out directly into the backliner’s gut, feigning as if he were going for the ball. The guy made a squeaky grunt and doubled over, falling to his knees. He heard whistles, and felt people shoving him, but all he could see was red.

Kevin shoved whoever was touching him back and kneeled down beside the boy, who was gasping for air.

“Speak about them again and I’ll make sure your brain matter paints the court.”

Kevin felt heated rage reverberating through him, and the guy looked up in alarm. Neil’s mark had come and shoved him back. Kevin laughed at her when she went to kick him, simply grabbing her foot and shoving back until she lost balance, falling flat on her bum. Kevin stood up from one foot, holding his stick and stared down at them with a cold, shit-stirring grin.

“Your team is fucking pathetic. Get up and let us finish burying you in the ground.”

He turned and walked away, rolling his eyes at the flash of a yellow card. He heard Neil talking, felt him walking alongside him, but ignored him. He couldn’t make out anything he was saying anyways, his brain was an electrical storm of fury he was trying to swallow. The refs sorted out the players, and Kevin’s backliner subbed out for another, who looked angrier, more violent than the last. Oh, how that made Kevin happy. He knew the last 10 minutes of the game were a career-embarrassing moment for the Belmonte coach. Kevin scored another 3 goals in quick succession, and Neil another 2. It ended on a 13-1 score, and the Foxes’ roared with glory.

Dan ran wild laps around the court with Aubrey on her heels, where the Belmonte Terrapins lay back in broken, disappointed heaps. Allison got a piggyback from Matt, who jumped around happily. Neil gave happy pats to Robin atop her helmeted head, and she beamed with excitement.

Amira walked up beside Kevin, who stood a little out of the team, watching them all celebrate. She nudged him, and the smile on her face could have ended him then and there. He cleared his throat, nodding at the Foxes with folded arms.

“Go celebrate – you just won your first Class I game.”

She nodded, and wiped her eyes free of the tears that had started to dribble out. He itched to wipe them from her soft cheeks, and she shook her head in embarrassment, pushing loose strands of hair from her face.

“This happiness is so elating, so overwhelming. I feel invincible. This is incredible Kevin.”

It came out as an awed whisper, and she squealed as Nicky ran at her and picked her up over his shoulder, spinning in circles. She laughed with glee, and Kevin watched them, unable to help his own small smile. A small gasp escaped him when he realised Andrew had suddenly appeared beside him, looking at Kevin with raised eyebrows.

“How’s that slutting out every night, Kevin? Is it pushing away everything you’re trying to distract yourself from?”

Kevin glanced at Andrew, staring at his eyes coolly before looking away slowly. He pursed his lips, shrugging, pulling on a mask of calm indifference.

“Am I not entitled to sleep with people, Andrew?”

Andrew tutted at Kevin and tapped his temple with his knuckles.

“You’re playing a dangerous game. Bee has some very interesting thoughts on your behaviour, if you care to hear them some time.”

His smile was hard, and Kevin twitched, trying not to react. Andrew knew Kevin didn’t have much care for Dobson. The fact that he was telling her about him made Kevin want to strangle Andrew. He was saved from doing so when Neil walked over, and rested his arm around Andrew with ease. Andrew allowed it, leaning into it a little. Neil sensed the tense air the two had created, and shook his head.

“Can’t you two celebrate the fact that we just slaughtered the Terrapins instead of creating tension so thick I can’t breathe?”

Andrew rolled his eyes and glanced pointedly at Kevin.

“It’s a bit hard with the Palmetto’s resident drama queen living with us.”

Neil snorted in agreement, and Kevin decided he might knock the pair over if he didn’t get away fast. But he stopped in his leaving, as he watched the man who was marking him earlier speaking to Amira on the other side of the court. She was by Dan, as the Foxes slowly started to shake hands with the other team. He was speaking animatedly to her, but she barely responded, only frowning before moving away from him as quickly as she could. That brought Kevin a wicked sense of joy, and he moved to shake the other teams’ hands as well. When he got to his mark, he gripped extra tight, smiling sweetly.

“It must hurt knowing she would never scrape the bottom of the barrel for the likes of your unskilled, pathetic ass.”

The backliner froze, and Kevin turned away boredly before the other guy could react, walking off the court with the burning sense that he really needed to shut his mouth from now on. Or it was going to make his issue obvious, and that would be entirely disastrous.

It seemed like a vital missing piece to his personal repertoire – shoving away his violent desires. Back in the Nest, you either had to fuck it out or it got forced out of you. He didn’t quite have those options anymore.

Kevin had a lot of figuring out to do.

Chapter Text

Wymack called the team to a meeting at Abby’s place 3 weeks later. It was the week they were set to verse the Jackals, and the team was feeling the tension. They were one of the most violent exy teams in their district, close behind Edgar Allen.

Their starting loss to them last season was not something Kevin wanted repeated, and he drove that point into the minds of every single Fox at their training sessions. Everyone was getting sick of him, even though they hadn’t lost a single game in the season so far.

After their annihilation of the Belmonte Terrapins, they had versed USC Colombia and the JD Campbell Tornadoes. Their win against the Tornadoes was so pitifully easy, Kevin thought he could have still won if he was the only player on the court. As for Colombia, the game was aggressive, with the tensity that they both came from the state of South Carolina. The Foxes ended up on top with a score of 7-4, but it was far too close for Kevin’s liking. Jack got himself a red card for punching his marking backliner in the groin, resulting in a 2 week game ban. On top of that, he had still not scored a single goal during a game. Sheena had been improving week by week, and was getting more confident, scoring more goals alongside Neil and Kevin. Wymack was so over Jack’s attitude at that point, that he didn’t even argue with the referees about the red card.

The entire team was barely tolerating Jack anymore. Matt had started sleeping in the spare bunk in Allison and Robin’s room, and Aaron and Aubrey were bunking in Kevin’s room. Neil took to sharing Andrew’s bed. According to them, Jack had become a terror to live with, which they suspected he was doing on purpose. He wasn’t helping to keep the place clean, constantly playing loud music late at night, and even continually brought girls to the dorm and had sex with them whilst Aaron, Aubrey & Matt were in the room.

Wymack advised it was on them to sort it out, in his usual stance of staying out of Fox drama. He said if it got detrimental to how they played, he would step in. But otherwise, it was their problem.

Jack had also started becoming more violent on court during training. He was constantly sparking arguments with whoever was marking him. Itzel threatened to cut his balls off if he kept tripping her. Matt was fed up with his attitude, Aaron never had the patience or grace not to bite back, and Nicky always jumped onto it as a chance to further stir Jack up.

He seemed to have it in for Amira in particular. Kevin had noted early on in her joining how little body checks she did, which drove Kevin absolutely mental. She put her effort into her stick work, which he was grudgingly impressed by with how creative she was. Depending on the position of her opponent, she could use the end of her net to flick and tap people’s balls lose, to full on twisting closer to where they held on, applying pressure so badly people had to drop everything.

It wasn’t explicit, but she seemed to take satisfaction out of getting balls from Jack. She told Kevin it felt like practice for versing the Ravens in future. He ignored the comment, but didn’t entirely disagree.

Jack used every opportunity to check Amira in the most devilish ways possible. One afternoon session, he knocked her head so hard against the plexiglass her nose started to bleed. Coach ordered her off to avoid getting blood on the court, but she made sure to wipe some drippings on Jack on her way past. Jack lunged for her after that, but Kevin stuck his arm out, Amira not even bothering to look back as he fought in Kevin’s arms to get a hit at her. Kevin slammed him to the ground to get him to stop. Only when Wymack threatened to drag him off the court did he calm down.

Kevin could tell it was exhausting Dan & Neil - it was draining them to have to babysit Jack every time he started something. Kevin and Neil discussed ways their racquets might be able to accidentally decapitate Jack so that he would no longer be a problem. Andrew started to talk about it with a little too much realistic logistics, and Kevin had to remind him they were not actually going ahead with it.

When everyone met at Abby’s for the meeting, Jack isolated himself as always. He didn’t eat with them, and complained when Amira said she had cooked dinner for everyone. Amira was excited to have everyone gather at Abby’s, and made a huge dinner of aloo paratha, dhal, chana masala and chettinad. By the time Wymack could tell them the news he had, everyone was in a food coma, stuffed to the brim but immensely happy.

“Okay – now, I promised good news so here it is. So I assume you are all aware of the brand Leap-R?”

He looked around, and Matt & Neil’s eyes lit up instantly, Matt lifting his foot to show he was wearing one of their sneakers currently.

“Coach, they are awesome. Why are you asking?”

Coach smiled amusedly, cocking his brows before he continued.

“They reached out to the ERC with an interest in being a sponsor for one of the Class I districts. They advised they had particular interest in us and our team – believe our values align and what not. So now, we are officially sponsored by them and they will be designing our uniforms and all sportswear for next season.”

Matt and Neil sprung up at the same time, and began to yell at Wymack in disbelief. Aubrey and Aaron also looked immensely pleased, and the rest of the team was curious about the opportunity. Matt grabbed Coach’s shoulders and shook them with glee.

“So Neil can finally stop stealing my shoes all the time because he’s too stubborn to get his own?”
Wymack snorted, and Neil shook his head, looking at Matt pointedly.

“What’s yours is mine Matt, you said it yourself.”

“Yeah, and I grieve that I ever let those words leave my mouth.”

Everyone burst out laughing. Nicky poked a foot at Neil’s leg, a taunting smile on his face.

“You two have the same shoe size? Makes sense. You know what they say, the bigger the foot the bigger the -“ Dan and Andrew threw pointed looks at Nicky, who grinned, throwing his hands up in the air.

“Don't you both start ganging up on me now. New dream team alert.” Dan shook her finger at Nicky bossily and tutted.

“That is because we share the pain of you always trying to fuck our boyfriends.”

“Not my fault they were born their way and I was born mine.”

Dan and Andrew both glared, then looked at each other in surprise that they were agreeing on something – a rarity. Wymack looked grossed out by the conversation, shoving Matt off him gently, folding his arms across his chest.

“Please keep these conversations out of my presence or I might self combust. Now, they want to open the partnership with marketing and advertising or whatever, so they’ve booked us in for a photo shoot mid-November. I would say not to obtain bruises, scratches, injuries prior to this shoot, but that won’t be possible. We are versing the Ravens the day before we meet with them. I asked them to push it back a week they’re too busy. The ERC is looking at us on this to succeed, they believe in the future they could get them to sponsor the NCAA across the whole country. They’ll also be doing interviews as it’ll be for a sports magazine they are partnered with. I told them not all of you are very interview friendly.”

Wymack glared at Neil at that, who looked smug.
“So I have nominated Dan of course, and Kevin to do the interview part. That may change depending on their actual needs on the day. I will let you know. Otherwise, that’s all the good news I have. We have the Jackals tomorrow. That oaf of a player Gorilla is on his 5th and last year with them. Please do not let us lose against them. Now everyone, out of Abby’s house so she can disinfect it from your presence.”

Kevin watched everyone stand and leave, and followed behind Andrew at the back, until he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned, and Amira stood with folded arms, her eyes uncertain. She bit her bottom lip, her eyes looking upstairs then back at him.

Another silent question. Following her line of sight, he guessed it was to speak in private.

Kevin’s mind immediately went into overdrive about what this could be about. Over the last 3 weeks, he had managed to keep himself at a safe distance from her. He continued to be blase when he spoke to her, but maintained his criticisms and beat downs during training so as not to arouse suspicion. He thought he had successfully managed to keep her out of his mind. The amount of sex he was having was probably concerning. But it kept him busy, not able to allow space to think about anything but that and exy. Had it not worked? Had his incompetence of controlling himself shown so obviously? He ran his tongue across his teeth, smacking his lips before nodding slowly, keeping his expression neutral, and nodded.

She looked at Andrew over his shoulder. “Don’t wait up. I’ll drop him back to the dorms later.”

Andrew shrugged, turning and walking out the door. Neil watched for a moment with furrowed brows before following, closing the door behind him. Kevin felt a sinking feeling in his gut. Amira gestured for him to follow, and he went with her upstairs to her room. He hadn’t been in here since the day he found out about the Edgar Allen banquet. He didn’t remember too much of it, but it did seem more full, personable than before.

Amira had put up print outs of all the exy teams, their current stats and their players. She had mood boards of sticks she wanted, helmets and shoes, other exy gear. There were baseball players as well — he supposed she still followed the sport. She also had a lot of music posters, which struck his gut, remembering the CD she had given him. He still listened to the album once a night before bed, whenever he slept at the dorm, which was rare these days.

Amira closed the door once Kevin was inside, and moved to her bed. She had her hair up in a high ponytail today, which swayed side to side as she walked. It was not too dissimilar to staring into a kaleidoscope, with a mesmerising, beautiful rhythm to it. She put her arm behind her when she sat, grabbing her hair, a habitual move to prevent herself from sitting on it. She did it every single time she sat down. Kevin watched every single time she did it.

He was unsure how this was going to go, and in case it needed a quick exit, he slowly sat himself on the wooden desk that was against the same wall as the door. He rested his hands either side of him, plopping his feet on the desk chair.

She seemed unsure of how to start. Kevin had never seen her so… nervous. He frowned, tilting his head as waited for her to start speaking.

She leaned over to her bedside table, opening the drawer to pull out a small pile of envelopes. There were about 4 or 5, all identical. She tapped them against her thigh before turning to Kevin.

“You have to promise me you are not going to say a word about this to anyone on the team. Or Coach, or Abby or Dobson. Can you promise me that?”

He raised an eyebrow, and became wary of the direction that this was going. She stared at him expectantly, and he stared back. He eventually nodded, but was unsure if speaking right now would be beneficial. She continued once she saw him nod.

“I’ve been getting these letters. Every week or so since the banquet. I think they’re from Edgar Allen. And I think they’re planning something.”

Kevin’s spine stiffened. She watched him cautiously, and when Kevin stood up, shaking his head and reaching for the door, she rushed forward, putting her palm flat against it. Her eyes were wide, her breathing starting to quicken. Kevin started, hand on the door handle and twisted.

“No. Whatever it is, no, we have to tell Coach. You can’t handle this alone, Amira. We can’t. Absolutely not.”

She shook her head, and he had never seen her look so desperate. When he tried to open the door, she slammed it shut immediately, putting her back against it. Kevin still had his hand on the knob, and the space between him and the door was minimal.

Amira had pushed herself in between that space, almost body to body. He stared down at her, hardening everything in him as best as he could at the proximity. Her eyes, the fear, it was an infecting wound he had no way to treat. She didn’t move, and neither did he. He knew she wouldn’t until he sat down. Slowly, ever so slowly, she reached up and placed a hand on his chest. Her hand was shaking, and his heart hammered against her palm. She gently pushed him back toward the bed until he sat down, and he let her do it. Why did he let her do it?

“Amira. I don’t care what this is, I don’t want to know, I don’t care if you think we can handle it – the answer is no. We cannot sort this alone. I don’t even fucking want to ask this, but what is in those letters?”

His voice came out harsher than he expected, as she stood in front of him. His mind raced over and over his deal with Ichirou. Tetsuji was gone, the Ravens didn’t own him anymore, so what were they playing at, messing with the Foxes, so close to Ichirou’s property?

Amira slowly sank down beside him and picked the letters up, hands shaking. When he looked at her face, it was dull, blank. Tears dripped from the corner of her eyes, but she didn’t even look sad. He was familiar with the feeling – of pain so extreme you couldn’t even resemble a functioning human being. She stared at the letters for minutes, before slowly handing them to Kevin. When she spoke, it came out as a broken whisper.

“They’re notes. From when my mother took my father to court. I don’t even know how they would have gotten them. It’s the worst of the details too. And the last page in each letter has been some number. I couldn’t figure it out for a while but I think it’s counting down to our game with them in November.”

Her voice broke then, and Kevin closed his eyes, trying to balance himself. He slowly opened the first letter, and there were about 6 pages of court report notes, plus the number at the end. It was too familiar, reminding him of Aaron’s murder hearing. It struck his gut, and everything rolled around with him. The text was in black, except the number at the end was red. He didn’t want to read this, he didn’t want to put her through the suffering of him knowing. But she was trusting him to. He read over each page carefully, and after 20 minutes of crushing silence, he finished, sliding it in the envelopes.
He was aware of the paper crumpling in his fists.

That he was ruining it. He turned to Amira, placing the letters back down on the bed. He shoved his hands beneath his thighs for a poor semblance of self-control, barely bridled rage coursing through him. He spoke with a voice so deadly calm that Amira flinched.

“Why are you telling me this?” She didn’t immediately answer, and stared at the wardrobe door instead. After a moment, she opened her mouth with words that gave him the credence that maybe he wasn’t the terrible person his mind fed him to be.

“Because I trust you enough to not let this team get hurt anymore than they already have been. What do I do, Kevin?”

It was a croaked plea for help, and Kevin hated that he couldn’t fucking ignore it. Not when it was her. Not when they were targeting her pain. He closed his eyes, placing his face in his hands. He couldn’t think.

The weight of those letters, awful tinder to the furious flame of her trauma, that needed to go. He stood up, snatching up the letters with him and nodded towards the door.

“We need to go to the dorms. That’s first. Let’s go.”

With a glance, she took a moment to gather herself, wiping her face and putting her glasses back on. He wished he could prevent what she was going through, but it was an inevitability of her experience. And it was not something he could save her from. It was something she had to do herself. But he could at least be a crutch to keep her afloat along the way.

She let him lead the way, and they went downstairs to leave, but stopped at the front door when Abby cleared her throat, arms folded and Wymack at her side. Wymack looked like he would rather be anywhere but in that location, perhaps buried in the ground beneath him. Abby nudged him, but he only did it back to her. She sighed and looked at Kevin and Amira.

“If you two are going to do – activities here – it would be preferable if it was whilst I was not home, and also if David was not here.”

It came out stiff and awkward, and Amira raised her eyebrows. Kevin’s tight chest somersaulted, continuing its hammering dance within him. Keeping his face blank at this moment was one of the hardest things he had ever done. Amira glanced at Kevin, shaking her head quickly and looked back to Abby. She seemed unable to speak, so Kevin did it for her.

“We were talking about the game tomorrow.”

Kevin put on a nonchalant frown to cover for Amira being shy. His mind clung to that reaction, but now was not the time to think about it. Abby visibly relaxed, as did Wymack, who cleared his throat and waved them off, looking at Amira.

“Get Kevin home, and come right back so Abby doesn’t have to stay up late worrying about you.”

Amira gave an obedient “Yes Coach” before following Kevin out the door. She unlocked her car, waiting until he got in and placed her hand on the steering wheel. She stared ahead, a statue of anxiety, and couldn’t seem to move. Kevin frowned, slowly holding out a hand, palm up, and waited.

Amira looked down at his hand, understanding his silent question and nodded slowly. She handed him the keys and got out of the car. Kevin climbed into the driver’s seat, and Amira opened the passenger door, sliding in. She put on her belt, squeezing the tip of each finger on her hand over and over again. Kevin remained silent, focusing on the road but her movement was distracting. Despite the radio being on, the background noise didn’t calm her. The constant movement only made him more on edge, until he snapped.

“Stop.” It was harsh, and in a sudden and swift move, one hand left the steering wheel, and pressed down firmly on top of both of her hands. He continued his pressure on top of her skin, sandwiching her hands between her leg and his palm. She froze at the contact, staring straight ahead. He thought she would hit him or shove him away, but she instantly stilled. Kevin’s jaw moved, as it was the most candid physical action that had ever occurred between them.

Amira turned her head to him, but he refused to look back. He only moved his hand when changing gears, but he felt her expectation for him to put the pressure back on her hands each time. So he did.
At one point, she moved her pinky, and linked it through his. Anchoring herself to his stillness, his solid presence. He wished he could have suspended himself then, if only to feel that moment of undisturbed peace for a little while longer.

Once they reached the dorms, he let go of her. He hadn’t realised his chest had stilled, but the racketing anxiety came flooding back. He turned the car off, getting out and closing the door, locking the car. He threw the keys back to her without a word, and shoved his hands in his pockets, leading the way in silence. She didn’t question what he was doing, simply followed.

He paused outside his dorm, and waved for her to continue upstairs to the rooftop. She seemed confused but followed his instruction, disappearing up the next staircase. Kevin let out a sigh and opened up the dorm, heading straight to the kitchen.

Andrew was in there making hot chocolate, which Kevin knew was Bee’s exact recipe. Nicky was at his desk, his phone to his ear, and by the drifting conversation, he suspected he was talking to Eric. Nicky waved him over to say hello, but Kevin shook his head. He moved to the utensil drawers, digging around in each one until he found a box of matches. Andrew held his whisk up at Kevin, tapping him on the arm.

“Since when did you get into arson Kevin? New hobby for the distracted mind? Inspired by Sheena?”

Kevin shook his head, choosing not to respond and closed the drawer, turning to leave and sighed when Andrew grabbed his sleeve.

“Tut tut Kevin, that’s very rude of you. What did Amira talk to you about?”

Kevin looked at him, shoving him off and going toward the door. Andrew hated being ignored, and it showed when he stopped Kevin from leaving the dorm.

“Don’t make me ask again.”

Andrew would know if he was lying, so Kevin said the only thing that was true and would get Andrew off his back.

“Her father.”

Andrew looked at Kevin, trying to catch the lie. He seemed satisfied enough, as he opened the door with a mock bow. Kevin rolled his eyes and escaped from Andrew as quickly as he could. He went upstairs, and moved out onto the rooftop. Amira had climbed up, and sat on the edge of the building, one leg tucked under her and the other dangling. She had her eyes closed, and the evening breeze brushed over her, rippling through her hair, and seemed to calm her. Kevin walked up behind her, and she seemed to sense his presence, because she looked back at him. He slowly pulled the letters out of his pocket, and crouched down, laying them in a pile on the concrete. He pulled out the matches and held them up in offering to her.

She caught on to what he was suggesting, and slowly came off the roof, joining him. She sat down cross legged beside where he squatted, and took the matches from his hand. Her hand shook as she opened the packet, and she struck the match she picked on the second attempt. She slowly, uncertainly brought the flame down, and rested it gently on the top of the small letter pile. The paper caught aflame, and the pair watched in silence as the paper burned.

The flame grew a little higher as it lapped and licked the letters. Kevin watched Amira, the light dancing in the reflection of her glasses, the flame setting her face aglow. She stared on with deadened eyes. It didn’t last longer than a few minutes, and before they knew it, the pile was ashes. Loose cinders floated in the air, rising within their own heat, blowing away in the gentle breeze.

Some of them littered onto Kevin, but he didn’t flinch, didn’t wipe them away. Instead, Amira did it for him. Her hand went to his cheek, hovering over his skin as she gently stroked the loose ash from his cheek. He refused to look. He couldn’t. He wasn’t sure what he would do if he did.

Her hand stayed longer than he thought it should. But he felt why. She had placed her thumb over his tattoo, holding it there a moment, feeling the ever so slight raise of his skin, the smooth ink. She seemed to realise she had been doing it for too long as well, as she suddenly dropped her hand, taking her warmth with her. She stood up, nodding at the pile.

“We should probably clean this up.”

“I’ll sort it, you go back to Abby’s. We can talk about this tomorrow.”

She stared down at the ashes a moment longer, then at Kevin. He felt the intensity of her stare on him, soaking it in and sighed as she finally turned and left. He put his hands behind his head and tilted his face to the sky.

If he could wish upon a star, it would be for an easy solution. But that was pathetic, unrealistic thinking. Gazing upon the dark sky until his eyes burned, he let his mind chew and churn on all the possible ways to make this go away. Realistically, he should tell Coach. It was the safest, easiest solution. But keeping a promise… he was usually the one dishing them out. Losing Amira’s trust wasn’t high on his priority list, and he refused to give that thought any further brevity.

Perhaps Neil was an option, but that would simply be an admittance that Kevin couldn’t solve his own problems, relied on everyone to do it for him. Kevin wasn’t helpless, but he knew the Foxes favoured him useless in matters of importance that extended beyond exy. That Amira was the first to seek him out in this matter whirled in his mind as to the reasoning behind it. Had he really given her a crutch to lean on? Did he even want to be that crutch, for someone he barely knew, that was forced upon the Foxes by surprise?

If anything, she was the crutch between the two. The effortless way she floated as an open ear, a keen learner, a 6th sense to read between the lines. To know how to save him from drowning in his own mind, to stepping in when he couldn’t hold himself together at the banquet. Why was he so magnetised to this imperceptible stranger? She had no reason to favour any of them, to be kind or thoughtful. Yet she did anyways. It reminded him an awful lot of Jean, and that territory was far too much of a dark hole to sink himself into.

Drowsiness eventually took over his racing mind, and he slipped into unwilling unconsciousness.
For what should have been a sweet reprieve, strong, veiny hands had appeared, tracing sharp lines along his ribs, his hips, a burning line of blood left in its wake.

“Did you think you would be able to escape me again, Kevin?”

Kevin blinked, trying to move a hand to rub the blur of his eyes but was stuck in place, skin fusing with the dark laminate he was laying on. Bile stirred in his stomach as Riko came into view, lips curved with a starved smile as he bent over Kevin. Riko’s frozen hands kept roving over his torso, digging in a maze of cuts that led to his heart. Trying to scream was impossible, the roof of Kevin’s mouth sticky and glued shut.

All he could do was cry as he watched his former partner slice him to the bone, cackling at the handiwork he was producing. “You’re always going to be at my whim. To escape my hand is to die by your own. Thinking you can save her, how much more foolish can you get?”

Riko grinned as he slid blood stained hands to Kevin’s shoulders, pressing the full extent of his weight down. Moaning, Kevin couldn’t even squirm as his body sank and became part of their dark bedroom in Edgar Allen. No Jean to save him, no buffer to prevent the utter malfunctioning of his brain when his shoulders were in the clutches of his former brother.

The smell of smoke wafted up his nostrils and stung, and coughing through a closed mouth only made him choke. Kevin refused to beg, refused to ever be that weak again, and gasped when a warm, firm hand pounded into his stomach.

Eyes flying open, Kevin was suddenly able to sit up, clutching at his chest and choking to get air into his lungs. Andrew was squatting beside him, expression bored as he watched Kevin try to figure out breathing.

“Is Riko still touching my belongings from 6 feet under? What a roach.” Andrew flicked ash from the cigarette between his fingers before standing, hauling Kevin up with him. Quickly widening his stance for balance, Kevin clenched his teeth as he averted the goalie’s piercing gaze altogether and opted to stare at the pile of ashened paper instead.

Feeling Andrew’s keen eyes on the back of his head, he bent down to collect the leftover paper in his hand, coming to the conclusion then as it floated away in the night breeze: he had to go forward the only way he knew how, with clawing, desperate survival.

Chapter Text

Within the first 5 minutes of their game against the Breckenridge Jackals, there were 3 yellow cards.

Kevin found their attitude insufferable. Neil and Sheena took the first half together, and they were struggling. Kevin hated it. Andrew was successfully keeping the goal protected, but the possession was with the Jackals for a majority of the time. Sheena had Gorilla on her from the get go, as Dan and Kevin had planned. The idea was that they would hopefully have a fight so bad that Gorilla would get kicked off the court. It hadn’t worked so far, due to lack of possession, and the focus on body checks being of higher importance. Wymack’s patience thinned very fast, and he smashed his fist against the plexiglass, yelling.”

“Can you lot focus on scoring a damn goal please?!”

Aaron and Itzel were the backliners, with Allison on dealer, and the three of them were struggling with the Jackal’s strikers and dealer. Their opposition worked in better unison, with smooth passes and accurate rebounds. However, it didn’t last long as they were growing frustrated by Andrew in goal. One of the strikers went to take a shot, but Andrew easily knocked the racquet from the striker and the ball went the opposite way it was intended. The striker lost it then, and shoved at Andrew in anger. When that happened, Andrew simply smiled, and dropped his racquet, grabbing at the girl’s helmet and slamming it down into his knee. The girl screamed, bewildered and hurt, as she fell back on the ground.

The referees blew their whistle, and when they gave the girl the yellow card instead of Andrew, she started to get in the refs’ faces about it. When she wouldn’t give it up, and shoved one of them with a swearing insult, they turned it to a red, and she got forced off the court. Andrew laughed the whole time, which only further ignited the girl’s spitting hatred. She screeched the entire time she was taken away. Her replacement seemed annoyed by her teammates’ actions, whilst Aubrey subbed on for Allison, and the game continued on.

The Foxes then got themselves up 2 points, a result of Neil dodging Gorilla and his own marking backliner with successful speed & footwork. His third attempt at doing so was not so lucky, and Gorilla slammed him sideways when he had the ball. He lost footing and went down, sliding across the court floor. Kevin winced at Neil’s dazed wobble, and when Gorilla went to make worse of it, Sheena shoved at him before he could. The two of them burst into an ugly fist fight, with Gorilla trying to throw Sheena into the barrier. It took all 6 refs to call Gorilla off, as Sheena was restrained by Nicky and Aubrey.

It took all of Itzel’s effort to keep Andrew from trying to kill Gorilla on the court. She had to tackle him down whilst the refs dealt with Gorilla, and when Andrew started punching her, she started doing it back. Once Sheena had calmed, Nicky and Aubrey ran over to the fiery pair, but seemed unwilling to get in the middle of it. Eventually they separated, but only because Gorilla was finally off court. Andrew went to Neil’s side, helping get him up off the ground. Neil swore, and tried to push Andrew off stubbornly, repeatedly saying he was fine, but his swaying said otherwise. Wymack stepped on then to pick Neil up, and put him over his shoulder as if he weighed nothing. Neil tried to complain but he seemed too dizzy then to try and stop it.

Gorilla got given a red card and a 3 game ban for his smash out on Neil. Kevin subbed on for Neil for the rest of the first half. He only managed 1 goal, due to how little time there was left of the first half. At half time, the score was 3-0, but Kevin had a feeling things would be far more drastic in the second half.

Wymack paced back and forth in their lounge as during half time, not stressed but rather pissed off.

“Yes, we are currently winning. And yes, Gorilla is off the court. But they are being relentless, and we are letting them have their way with us. Quit letting them get under your damn skin. Renee, I want you and Robin to share the goal for the second half. Neil is in with Abby, and she doesn’t think he’ll be able to come back on. Kevin, you and Sheena will need to be on for the rest of the game. Amira and Dan, I want you on for this half. Nicky and Aaron, take a toss on who joins Matt for the whole second half. I want us in possession, keep that ball away from their goal. Do we understand? And Jack, behave and do not fucking swear at the refs from the sidelines. It takes one pissed off ref to extend your game ban, do not test them. Is everyone clear on their objectives here?”

Everyone yelled a “Yes Coach” before continuing to drink electrolytes on their break. Andrew had peeled his gear off and was with Abby and Neil, and Kevin imagined he would not rejoin them to watch the rest of the game. Dan went up to Kevin and pulled him aside privately, lowering her voice and putting her head close to his.

“We need to win this game, Kevin. What are we doing to get there?”

He nodded toward the other Foxes, then back at her. Ensuring he sounded cold and cruel, he spoke with enough cutting impatience to get under Dan’s skin. It was an enjoyable pastime, but more so when she reacted so predictably – pulling the strings, keeping everyone on a cliff edge.

“Tell your backliners to not react to checks like mindless apes, make sure you and Amira are doing your passes accurately and not the usual sloppy shit you give me, Robin and Renee need to not second guess themselves in goal every time the ball comes their way. None of that is going to happen Dan, because they’re Foxes and imperfections are our constant, so all we can do is play.”

She frowned, shoving him back in irritation. “Do you always have to be so atrociously cruel?”

Kevin raised one brow. He felt sorry that he had to spell it out for her. “If you weren’t all so irritatingly stupid, I wouldn’t have to be. Change starts with you, Dan.”

She scowled and turned, going back to the others. It was the intended impact, as a pissed off Dan was more useful to him in these instances. She would be too stubborn to let him be right, and he watched her make her way around to each Fox, and talk in hushed tones.

Kevin smirked to himself as they went on to start the second half. Dan was on first as dealer, and his spited comments seemed to have set her aflame. Every possession she had was passed with aggressive annoyance to Kevin, who could have laughed if he wasn’t too busy trying to win their game. And to Kevin’s shock, both Matt & Aaron contained responses to their strikers trying to rile them up. Matt seemed to be struggling the most, especially when one of them made a comment about Dan.

Aaron kept tapping Matt’s racquet, reminding him to keep it in. Matt huffed and made sure his checks on the Jackal’s possession were borderline illegal. It seemed to help him diffuse his pent up anger instead of just starting unwarranted fights.

When Amira swapped on for Dan, and Renee on for Robin, the score had become 5-1 Foxes’ way. With the swap out, Kevin watched with narrowed eyes as Amira had a bizarre expression plastered across her face. Her brow was furrowed above her goggles, and she was — well, smiling. But it was insolent, brazen. She never came onto the court with such a cocky attitude. It was one Kevin always wore on court, but that’s because he knew he held this whirlwind sport in the palm of his hand. She was up to something with that smile, and he didn’t know whether it was going to be good or bad.

He very quickly found out why, and if he wasn’t so in tune to the game, he might have stopped and stared. Amira was one to use her stick to gain possession. She avoided the dirty work of body checks as much as possible, which always frustrated Kevin to no end. She was stubborn every time he told her to do it, because he knew it would improve her game play significantly. She normally just utilised her upper body strength and fancy twists of her racquet, but this game changed that.

When Sheena’s mark stole the ball from her net, she scowled and sprinted after her, but she swung too quick for Sheena to catch up, and it went to the Jackal dealer. He was barely two steps off his feet when Amira slammed him sideways with her shoulder so hard he lost balance and fell to the floor. She scooped up the ball from his dropped racquet and ran. Kevin distantly heard Matt laughing, but was too focussed on her. He caught the ball she rebounded, and with barely enough time, he flicked it to Sheena, who stepped around her backliner skillfully, and threw at the goal in the top right corner. Kevin nodded approvingly at Sheena when the goal lit up. She laughed gleefully, and nodded toward Amira.

“She needs to do that more often, that was fucking fantastic!”

She waved at Amira, who gave a thumbs up with her free hand, and when they played again, she managed to do another 4 successful body checks, with 2 of them resulting in assisted goals. Each slam was wonderfully calculated – low enough to ruin her opponent’s balance, but just hard enough to make sure they went down.

By the end of the game, the score was 7-2, an astounding win compared to how they ended last year. When the final whistle blew for the end of the game, the roar of the crowd could barely contain the pure triumph that vibrated throughout Kevin’s body.

He swirled around, staring at the stomping, clapping, cheering crowd. They were deafening, and Kevin peeled his helmet off, waving it around in the air. He put it down, and grunted when he realised someone had jumped onto him from behind. He quickly clung on, seeing that it was Amira. She wrapped one arm around his neck, hugging him tight and pumped her other fist in the air, laughing with joy as the crowd went crazy for it. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and she had practically become a backpack. She leaned down, yelling into his ear.

“Did you see my checks?! Did you see?!”

His chest barely contained his thumping heartbeat, the excitement trembling through him. But he didn’t want to catch himself frozen in the moment, thinking about himself holding her so close. They had never been in such proximity before. He saw Matt jog over with a huge grin, and put his hand out, waving toward the ground. Kevin understood and knelt down then as Matt went behind Amira. She squealed as Matt picked her up under her arms, putting her on Kevin’s shoulders. She giggled gleefully, holding on to him carefully, and Kevin wrapped his arms around her thighs. He strode around the court, Amira waving at the cheering crowd, riling them up even more.

Hearing her pure, unfiltered cheering, the roar of the fans, the smiles of his surrounding team — Kevin wished he could bathe in it forever. If only this happiness were a cloth to be stitched into the fibre of his being, everything would be so much easier.

The rest of the Foxes followed in line with Kevin, parading around and soaking in their victory. Eventually, Wymack waved for them to shake hands and come off. Amira stayed where she was on Kevin’s shoulders, the end of her 2 long plaits tickling his ears. She made every single Jackal player shake her hand whilst on top of Kevin’s shoulders, much to their displeasure. Sheena blew a kiss at Gorilla, who was red with fury. Renee led them all off the court and back to the changerooms. Amira reached up at some of the fans near the changerooms who were dangling over the edge of their seats, clapping away high fives. She happily touched people’s hands, thanking them for watching the game. Even Kevin reached up a hand to give high fives, and they all cheered ecstatically even when they got into the changerooms. Wymack was smiling ear to ear, and Neil was sitting beside Andrew, looking a little worse for wear but not as bad as he could have been.

Amira didn’t ask to be put down, and a part of Kevin didn’t want to. She was sweaty, but she was warm and soft too. He enjoyed his arms wrapped around her thick thighs, trying not to think too much about it. He turned his attention to Wymack, who began a speech. Dan and Robin stood either side of Kevin and held Amira’s hands happily.

“Foxes - great bloody game. This is what I am talking about, currently undefeated! We have a lot to work on. You lot –” he pointed at his backliners – ” need to work on your team work and getting the ball to my strikers. You let them get to you far too much this game.”

Nicky looked away woefully, pretending to faint at Coach ruining the good mood. Aaron rolled his eyes and gestured to Nicky.

“He makes it hard, and Matt just loves a fight. Not my fault.”

Matt scoffed and turned on Aaron, but Wymack held up a hand to silence them all.

“Enough. I don’t want to hear it. As for you Amira –”

He paused, and Kevin glanced up as best he could to see she had puppy dog eyes at Coach. Wymack wasn’t smiling, but a toothy grin did spread across his face slowly.

“You better play like that for the rest of this season, or I will kick you off the team. I knew you had it in you. Hiding those wonderful body checks from us all along. Keep it up, okay?”

She pressed her lips together, smiling shyly at him as the rest of the team clapped for her. She placed her hands on Kevin’s head, her restless fingers tapping against his scalp. She seemed far too comfortable up there, Kevin thought. But he found he didn’t quite mind. When Coach yelled at them to shower because they smelled like racoons, they all laughed and went off to the changerooms. Kevin squatted easily, and Amira hopped back off onto the floor, patting Kevin’s shoulders.

“You make a noble steed, Kevin Day. All I need to do is attach a carriage to you and we can bring everyone along.”

She laughed when he reached out to shove her, but she ducked and zipped off to the safety of the change rooms. He huffed, rolling his shoulders to reset them, before heading to the showers to wash off the sticky sweat that clung to him.

–

As much as Kevin greatly enjoyed the night of drinking after their win, he deeply regretted it when he forgot he was meant to be doing an essay with Amira.

She had picked him up at 9am, fresh as a spring daisy, with a pep in her step still from yesterday’s win. She hadn’t joined them last night to celebrate, as she had promised a catch up with her mother over video chat. Kevin was curious about her, she seemed a somewhat mystical figure in Amira’s life. He knew Amira spoke to her often, and cared for her deeply. She seemed to be an endlessly busy career woman, and he could tell it made Amira a little sad when she couldn’t come to games. He thought to ask her about it, but her whispered ranting in the library over their homework topic was clattering in his skull.

He didn’t bother to respond, only moaning into his folded arms, choosing to close his eyes instead. She persistently nudged him with their textbook until he paid attention to her. Another silent question. He didn’t think his eyes could roll that far back into his head when he finally looked up at her. He snatched the textbook and put it in front of him, a silent answer to her nagging. Instead of looking at the page, he closed it and used it as a rest for his folded arms, which he lay his head on top of.

“You are irritatingly needy. Stop it.”

She threw a grape at him across the table before finally shutting up and going back to her work. He sighed peacefully as he was finally left alone, and didn’t realise he had actually dozed off until someone prodded his shoulder from behind.

He blinked, looking up. It was an unknown student, handing Kevin a letter. Kevin took it slowly and frowned, asking who it was from. The girl didn’t know, only advising that it was given to her by another student. She shrugged and left for the library exit, and Kevin looked down at it. It was addressed to him, but nothing was familiar about it. Amira paid him no attention, as she was hunched over her paper, writing with her terrible scrawl. Kevin watched a moment before opening the letter, pulling out the contents.

He frowned in confusion as it was a typed note and a black and white image of a man Kevin didn’t know. He put it behind, and went back to the letter. There was only a small amount of text on it, which appeared to be a part of a poem:

But see, amid the mimic rout
A crawling shape intrude!
A blood-red thing that writhes from out
The scenic solitude!
It writhes! - it writhes! - with mortal pangs
The mimes become its food,
And seraphs sob at vermin fangs
In human gore imbued.

An odd tingle erupted at the back of his mind. He read it over and over, the words lingering within a hair's width of his memory. He felt an ancient knowing of it, but could not place it. He stood and left Amira, taking the letter with him and typing the first line into the computer. When he hit enter on the search, his stomach bottomed out.

It was a poem by Edgar Allen Poe, ‘The Conquerer Worm’. He thought he was going to be ill. He stood quickly, logging off the computer and took the letter and the unknown man with him. He shoved them in his bag, Amira looked up, confusion knitted across her brow.

“You okay?”

She stared at him with those gentle eyes, and he wished he could fall into them. Into the safety of that sure gaze. But he wasn’t going to scare her with this - she had suffered enough with the other letters she had received. He nodded, muttering an excuse about being hungover and walked briskly out of the library. Where was he even going? He had no plan – he should find the girl who gave him the letter.

He didn’t know her name - Palmetto wasn’t a huge university by any means, but he didn’t know every student. She had long wavy hair, light brown skin, a nose piercing. She had on a Palmetto band shirt - he remembered that distinctly. He made his way to the music faculty, blindly thanking people he passed who congratulated him on last night’s game. But all he could think about was how next week would be hell - they were up against the Ravens for the first time this season, and they were planning something ugly.

He rushed around the music rooms in search of the girl. He asked anyone he saw if they knew her, and on his 6th ask, a guy with a beanie cap and flannel gave him a useful response.

“Yeah man - Isadora, mm? She’s at theatre three I think, prepping for band rally.”

Kevin thanked the guy and jogged off. He wasn’t familiar with this part of the university – music, theatre, production. It wasn’t his style. He did find it eventually, entering without knocking. It was a larger auditorium style theatre, with uncomfortable looking red seats and a huge, dusty stage. He saw Isadora sitting with a few of her bandmates, where they were cleaning their instruments. She appeared to be making a reed.

“Hey - Isadora? Do you know who gave you this letter?”

She looked at him with a raised eyebrow, confused as to why an athlete was in their theatre space. The other people she was with fell silent and stared. He tried to be patient, and when she didn’t immediately answer, he held up the envelope she gave him. She ahh’d and nodded a bit, putting her attention back to her reed, carving at it slowly.

“Yes, yes, Harrison Lorne gave it to me. Not sure why, he just did.”

She shrugged, and Kevin resisted the urge to shake more answers out of her. He muttered a thanks and left, ignoring the rapid Spanish that ensued in his wake, and the fit of laughter that followed.

He vaguely knew of Harrison, he was in one of Aaron’s science classes, he was sure. He pulled out his phone and dialled Aaron, thinking better of it before hanging up. He shouldn’t involve the others – everyone would go on red alert, and he didn’t want the drama. He pulled out the photo of the man from his bag, staring at it with a frown. He definitely didn’t know who it was, but there was an odd familiarity to it. He had thick, dark hair, and sunken eyes. It contradicted the sunny smile he wore.

He sighed and put it back in his bag, unsure of how to find Harrison. He had to be on campus if he gave Isadora the letter. It was irritating that he was the one moving around like a headless chook. This is what they wanted. Confusion, unknowing. Fear.

He didn’t want to let it work, but something nagged in his gut that this was a warning for their upcoming game.

He spent the rest of the day trying to trace the letter back to its origins. It obviously had no return address, or postage stamp, which meant it must have been either printed out here at the university or given to a student to give to him. He ended up tracing back 4 people before giving up. How had it even gone through that many students? Each one had been given a random name of another student to give it to, until it got to Kevin. It was a stupid game of whispers he would never succeed at deciphering. Instead, he raced back to the library 5 minutes before it closed for the afternoon. He went to the librarian, and pulled out the photo. He didn’t think it would work, but he asked anyway.

“Do you know who this man is? Or know how I can um – find out?”

The woman manning the desk raised an eyebrow at him, pausing her organisation of returned books.

“It depends. If the man has been in the news or published articles or anything online, I could try to find him. I can photocopy it and put it into the search engine if you like?”

He nodded keenly, and she cocked her brows, taking the photo into her photocopier room. It took a few minutes, but once done, she came back with a name scrawled on the back of the image. She smiled warmly and nodded.

“Hope that helps – now go enjoy your Saturday night. The library is an awfully weird place for a sports student to be on a weekend afternoon.”

She shooed him, and he nodded, mumbling a thank you before hurrying out of the library. He sat on the stairs, flipping the picture over to read the name, and froze. Fuck.

It was Amira’s father. Nishit Choundury.

–

Kevin spent the next week debating what to do about the new letter. He scoured online everyday to see if recent news of Amira’s father would pop up, but it never did. It was only the articles from his arrest & subsequent trial. He found out more details than Amira had first told him, Andrew and Neil. And he rather wished he hadn’t.

The extent of what happened was more complex. The charges her father had weren’t just intertwined with the sex crimes, but also drug related. Her father had refused to give up the names of the people he had given his daughter to, his loyalty to them staying until the end. The lack of evidence in the sex crimes meant it was a relatively lower part of his sentence compared to what he had gotten for drug possession. Apparently it was a 25 year sentence he was handed. Amira was 21 now, and 14 when he was charged – so he would have been in prison for about 7 years now.

Apparently, her father was even offered reduced charges if he gave up names, but he didn’t take it. Because of her age, Amira was never shown in images of these articles, mostly her father and occasionally her mother. Amira was basically a carbon copy of her mother - she was a beautiful woman with glowing skin, silky long hair and rich eyes. The only thing he saw of Nishit Choundury in Amira was his curved nose.

He refused to read anything relating to what happened to Amira herself. That was for her and her only to share. He couldn’t believe it was in the public domain as it was. How was anyone ever meant to grow, escape their past when it was just sitting there, ready to haunt them at any given moment?

He decided then that he needed to make sure she had a chance against whatever it was the Ravens had planned. It meant protecting her. It wasn’t really in his nature to do that for other people. Not in this context anyways. But she was his investment in exy now. And he’d be damned if he let anything twist the path to her success. And realistically, if she succeeded, so did he. The more he invested into exy, the better players he brought around, the more influence he could have. And maybe that would be his ticket to stopping teams like the Ravens from existing. To have better protections for professional athletes.

This week was their game against the Trojans, and Kevin was actually excited about it. He was keen to play Jeremy on the court again, but knowing that Jean would be a part of it this time made him shrink inside. He and Neil knew how Jean played, so it was obvious to have the two of them against him. But it had been so long since he played Jean, and he was now in uncharted territory of not knowing Jean’s style anymore.

He knew Jeremy was working hard to transform Jean, to nurture the Raven out and build the Trojan in. It would be odd to see Jean in their colours in person. Kevin doubted red and yellow would suit him.

When Wednesday came around, Kevin and Amira had a history test that they needed to study for, and they had sacrificed sleep after their nightly training to study for it. Kevin didn’t care as much about his studies as he did his exy, but Amira made the mistake of saying she would get higher marks than him. And he would be damned if he let her be right. They had studied at Kevin’s dorm, and Andrew, Nicky and Neil all put bets on who would test better. They all bet against him, which resulted in a floor wrestle with the boys all sitting atop him.

He wasn’t sure when she obtained it, but Amira had started to carry a little film camera around. She flashed a photo of them all on top of him, and said she would personally give it to Coach once she got them developed. He was not looking forward to that.

The test ended up being only a slight variation of what he was expecting – the extent of influence that political puppeteering had in South-East Asia during the Cold War. It was an easy paper, especially when writing against the ongoing colonial mannerisms of the United States. He finished before Amira, glancing at her as she wrote in her terrible writing. He thought she should fail for that alone. Once the exam was over, the pair had the afternoon off much to their relief. She suggested they enjoy the sunny weather outside whilst it was still available. Getting to the end of October, it was starting to cool down, and any remnants of the sun had to be utilised. She led them both outside to a grassy hill near one of their buildings, plopping her bag down and sinking into the grass. It was on the longer side, soft and dry. He watched as other students seemed to have the same idea, lounging in small herds and soaking in the rays.

He leaned back on his palms, stretching his legs out and tilting his head back. The breeze was a calming, gentle touch against his skin. Amira poked him, and he sighed, glancing down at her. She had put her bag under her head as a pillow and laid back, now staring up at him. Her hair was spread behind her in soft waves. He raised an eyebrow expectantly.

“You disturbed my peace, so what do you want?”

She rolled her eyes and shrugged, staring at his face before turning her attention to the trees. The leaves were aging, crinkling and dying, fluttering away in various stages of decomposition. The hues were inviting, earthly and rich. How did dying things look so beautiful?

“What’s your favourite colour?”

He cocked a brow up, as if to ask if that was really what she wanted to say. He waited for her to justify, but she didn’t. She stared at him expectantly, reaching a finger up and poking his tattoo gently.

“I like green. Very specific though – spinach green, I think. That rich colour that no other food can really compare to. Not naturally, anyways. Or ocean green. Not that bluey green though, that dark one where you aren’t really sure there is a bottom beneath the surface. And your eyes. I’d like the recipe for that green, I think.”

The amount of words that came out of her mouth were blubbered in cohesion, but on her it was just – those little tentacles of her soul reaching out, sharing herself with the world. He tried his very best to ignore the last part of it, but she didn’t want to let it go.

“After we’ve won a game, I think your eyes change colour. The greenness seems to - brighten. Like there’s more green that has appeared with your success. Have you ever noticed that?”

He shook his head incredulously, feeling puzzled at this topic. He kept it even, because any show that he was going to entertain this conversation further would likely result in asking too many personal questions. He preferred to keep everything exy focussed.

“Do you think if you spent less time looking at my eyes that you wouldn’t have dropped that ball last week during the game?”

She scoffed then, faking offence and turned away from him, holding a palm up at him as if to make him stop being stubborn.

“Entertain me for once. I’ve gotten to know everyone in the team over the last couple of months except you. And Jack, but he sucks. You won’t let me in. And don’t say ‘oh all you need to know about me is related to exy’ because I know that isn’t true. I know you like history, architecture – and I’ve seen you staring at the photos in our textbooks. I suspect you might like photography. Or maybe art. I’m not sure. So tell me, what do you like, Kevin Day?”

He groaned, the sinking feeling of knowing she wasn’t going to let this go starting to cling to him like dense fog. He could rumble on about his short list, but right now all that came to mind was her long eyelashes, glossy hair, her soft, brown skin, the feeling of her thick thighs in his hands –

He frowned, quickly marking those thoughts as trespassing to his personal peace, and shoved them deep back into himself. He watched her fix her glasses before grabbing his own bag and putting it back on the grass, laying on his back beside her. He folded his hands over his stomach, and watched as Amira ripped up the grass, feeling it in her fingers and then discarding it, again and again and again.

“I do like history. I like the idea of travelling. I guess my favourite colour is yellow. I love architecture – and photography. I like some art, but it’s very specific. Because not all art is good art. And subjectivity in art is wrong, because there is some really fucking awful stuff out there.”

He went to continue but waited as Amira had started to laugh, hard and dorky, nodding in agreement with his statement. He bit his cheeks as he listened, wanting that sound to last forever. He side eyed her and she hushed quickly, nodding for him to continue. He opted for a bit of honesty.

“A lot of personal interests were really squashed when I was at Evermore. Business was compulsory. I managed to get to do history with Riko, like I told you the first day of class. Those days doing those classes were the only good memories I really have. That and Jean teaching me French.”

She sat bolt upright when he said that, and he flinched, eyes widening at her in alarm. He lifted his hands to ask what she was doing, but she was gaping in shock at him.

“Shut up – you speak French? I didn’t think you were smart enough for that.”

Offence coiled hot inside him but died as he watched her taunting smile grow. He sat up pushing his hair from his eyes. Her smile was dazzling as she stared at him, her hair falling and swaying in the afternoon breeze. His finger twitched to touch it, but he remained where he was.

“I also speak Japanese. I’m smarter than you not only in English, but French and Japanese. How does that make you feel?”

She raised an eyebrow thoughtfully, stroking her chin as if she had a long beard.

“I feel good knowing I’m smarter in English than you are in 3 languages combined. Come next week when we get our test results, the proof will be in the pudding.”

She grinned cheekily, and he reached a hand up, putting his palm flat against her whole face. He yawned boredly as her complaints became muffled against his hand.

“Sorry, can’t hear you over my supreme levels of intelligence.”

She laughed, and shoved his hand away, shaking her head at him. Her hair brushed his arm when he moved it back, and his brain suddenly seemed to disconnect from his body. His fingers collected some of the end strands on the way down, and he held it carefully in his fingers. It was more velvety smooth than he imagined, shining under the light sunlight. He rubbed it gently between her fingers. She froze, and when she did, he did too. He cleared his throat, dropping his hand quickly. He tried to ignore the pink in her cheeks, the tension that suddenly bubbled between them. Luckily, she saved it with a witty remark, but turned her eyes away.

“If you wanted hair care tips, you could have just asked.”

He rolled his eyes and felt the pressure of the moment release. He sighed and checked his watch, thankful that she changed topics and now started to ask him about his favourite animal. They stayed like that for a while, going back and forth. He didn’t have to ask questions – she volunteered everything, a guiding light in this blinding moment of normality. He hadn’t realised how long they had been talking until the sky started to transform. It went from blue, to pink and orange. Amira pulled her camera out and stood to snap a shot. When she was done, she turned it on Kevin. He stared at her without expression, screwing up his face in a laugh as she held a rude finger up at him out of nowhere.

She snapped the photo then, smiling to herself gleefully and he groaned that his stupidity had allowed that.

“That’s $5 a photo for you. I don’t come for free.”

She shook her head, tutting at him and held out a hand to pull him to his feet.

“No, the cost of you is enduring your rough coaching style and apathetic approach to life. That is insufferable enough without making me financially destitute, thanks.”

He furrowed his brows in mock anger, taking her hand and let her pull him up. They both held on a moment too long, and she smoothly slid her hand away, moving to pick up her bag, then throwing him his. He pressed his lips together, relenting a little more honesty of free will.

“Yellow.”

Her hair fluttered around as she turned back to him, some of it catching in her glasses. Tutting softly, he stepped up beside her and looked down the green, feeling distant and elevated. “Not bright though. Soft, like the inside of a lemon. Or a daffodil, a duckling. Like small bits of sun that doesn’t blind you.”

Staring at the side of his head, he allowed himself a side cutting glance, only to see the sun glowing down on her softened smile.

“I’m starving. Let’s go eat.”

He nodded in quick agreement, and although he was starving, he craved something else entirely. He watched her start to walk, and shoved every unearthly desire deep within himself before slowly following after her.

Being around her too much was dangerous. Every sturdy barricade he built was turning to jelly. That would ruin everything Kevin’s entire front to the world – his impassive, stoic, resigned walls. But he wasn’t so sure if it was such a bad thing to risk.

How on earth was 1 person managing to unravel everything he had worked for in the space of a few months?

He needed to get a damn grip.

Chapter Text

Thursday night came faster than expected, the Foxes finally heading to the airport.

The Trojans were having a home game, and the drive was unreasonably long, so Wymack gave in and got everyone plane tickets, and did an overnight flight to California.

It had been a while since the team had been on a plane. He knew Andrew didn’t like it, but he quickly discovered that Amira had never once been on a plane in her life.

She had stayed in Florida her entire life, and when she came to Palmetto she simply drove. When they got to the airport, she was more lively and curious than usual, even though everyone else found it a boring affair. Kevin kept throwing watchful glances at Andrew, which felt fruitless considering Neil stayed at his side the entire time. It was a busy morning of milling business people and holiday goers, so Kevin sat on the ground and hugged his knees, the team scattered around the terminal waiting area.

“I don’t think Jean is going to be very nice to us today. Well actually – just you. I think him and I are good now.”

Neil smirked at Kevin who narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

“What did you do Neil?”

Neil shrugged, glancing at his hands as Andrew cracked each of Neil’s fingers one by one. Kevin hated the sound, wincing at each pop. Andrew enjoyed Kevin’s discomfort, as did Neil, so Neil started to do Andrew’s fingers in return. Kevin gritted his teeth and looked away, shaking his head. Neil continued with a grin on his face.

“I did him a favour, of sorts. It might do you well to, you know, think about making up with him.”

Kevin gaped at that, and shook his head.

“As if – you hypocrite Neil, since when do you apologise for the shit you cause? You only know how to apologise for existing.”

Andrew raised a brow, as it was a fair point. Neil shook his head, reaching out and snatching Kevin’s finger, pulling at the joint to crack it. Kevin scowled and shoved back at Neil irritatingly. He looked up when Dan joined them, standing behind Kevin and putting her knees against his back to lean on him. The current assault to his senses made him want to put everyone through a wall.

“Good news, I’ve been texting Jeremy, he wants to play the same way as they did in the knockouts last year. Same amount of players. I’m looking at our line up with Coach now – which of you wants to play Jean, and which half is he likely to play? I know Jeremy isn’t stupid enough to bench him on a game against us.”

Neil and Kevin eyed each other, and Kevin tilted his head back to stare up at Dan. She seemed more excited than usual, as she had the same soft affinity for the Trojans that he did. Kevin shrugged and nodded at Neil.

“He’ll be less violent against Neil I would say. Which means he’s less likely to play Jeremy’s way if he’s marking me. So put me down. But don’t underestimate Cat, she’s quick as a riptide, so if she’s on Neil, which I imagine Jeremy would do, make sure you keep up.”

Dan’s bottom lip jutted out, and she nodded, standing up and walking away. Robin wandered over to them then, sitting beside Andrew with a book and headphones, curling up like a cat on the seat. Kevin raised an eyebrow, and subtly nodded at her then turned to Neil and Andrew. He lowered his voice a little.

“How’s she doing?”

Neil looked to Robin, then Andrew and back to Kevin. Andrew had threatened to throw Robin off the rooftop yesterday unless she hit him, and she eventually did. It was the reason Andrew had a bruised cheek today. Neil shrugged, but it was Andrew that answered.

“She’s here, isn’t she?”

Kevin resisted rolling his eyes. He grunted as Amira skidded over, kneeling down beside him and sitting back on her heels. She bounced up and down a bit, looking breathless.

“Guys, Nicky just showed me other airports on his laptop, this one sucks compared to like, Dubai. When can we go there? Actually – I don’t even have much interest in Dubai. Maybe Singapore?”

She flicked through a travel magazine she picked up, and grunted as Andrew kicked her leg, shushing her. She shook her head and poked him, leaning against Kevin as if he were a couch. Was he just furniture to everyone today?

“Andrew, how bad is it actually? Nicky said you get gassy when you fly because you’re scared, but I read that farting on planes is actually a bad idea?”

Neil cracked up at that, even Kevin snorting and Andrew went from deadpan to a deathly smile in seconds. He stood up slowly and walked off to find Nicky without answering her question. Amira watched him go, immediately stealing Andrew’s seat, nudging Neil as she sat.

“So Dan told me earlier about how the Trojans are playing today. Do you think that betters our chances or worsens them? If they’ve been practising playing with our numbers, we may have our work cut out for us.”

Neil nodded in agreement, pushing his auburn hair out of his eyes before replying.

“I wouldn’t underestimate them in normal circumstances anyways. They’re a skilled team and they have something we don’t – they’re all fused at the hip. They all actually like each other, are friends.”

Amira pursed her lips, pushing her glasses up her nose. She had let Allison put her hair into 2 long French braids today, and it was so different to her usual loose hair that Kevin couldn’t help but continually glimpse at her. She seemed to notice, as she narrowed her eyes at Kevin, pointing at him accusingly.

“Is your crush on Jeremy going to make us lose this game, Kevin? It’s pretty severe.”

Kevin gaped as Neil choked on a cough, even Robin chortling. Neil patted Amira’s arm and sighed, glancing back at Kevin.

“He’s hopelessly in awe of that man. I think it’s beyond the exy, but Kevin never indulges our curiosity.” Neil’s taunts were irritating, and Kevin kicked at his shin. Neil winced and kicked back, and the two of them started a hard game of footsies. Robin begged them to shush, even though she had her earphones on. Was she even listening to anything? The pair of them gave it up, and Amira simply laughed.

“To be fair, Jeremy is very handsome. He’s a bit too sunshine-y, I think. I like the broody ones. Jean is cute. He has such a lovely nose too, and his moles. And his accent. I see what Renee and Jeremy see in him.”

It came out in a factual flutter, and Kevin felt his gut turn in on itself. He wasn’t sure why he felt a heated irritation at her comment, but he shoved it away in replacement of what she said at the end.

“Jeremy? You think him and Jean are a thing?”

Robin and Amira glanced at one another then back at Kevin, as if he was stupid. Kevin had thought already about this topic, and it pooled such a jumbled knot of emotions in his stomach that he had to shut it out.

“Kevin, it’s so obvious. The way they looked at each other at the banquet – even I could tell. And that was my first time meeting them.”

Kevin bit his cheeks at Amira’s analytical gaze. He suspected his cheeks were developing scars from how many times he had made them bleed in recent months. Opting for indifference, he looked away boredly, hoping it would conceal any bubbling, poisonous acid that clawed up his face.

Neil stewed and chewed the conversation in his head for a minute or two before a lightbulb dinged. As was always the way with Neil, no tact worked best as the vice-captain leaned toward Kevin, hands on his knees. Neil wasn’t one to prod, ask too many personal questions, but it seems Andrew’s own nosy habits were starting to rub off on him.

“Were you and Jean ever together at the Nest?”

No one had ever dared to voice that question before. Kevin knew the Foxes thought it, in the way they treaded on glass around him any time Jean was mentioned. Amira tensed, glancing between Neil and Kevin. He wasn’t sure why but he grabbed Neil’s shirt, ice cracking through his body. Vein’s protruding, his vice like grip on Neil had the man narrowing his deep blue eyes. He looked patient, unphased by Kevin’s heated glare. Amira screwed up her face, reaching forward and placed a hand on Kevin’s wrist. She slowly made him release Neil, and Kevin let her.

This wasn’t the place. He stood then, shoving Neil back in his seat and stood over him, glowering.

“Don’t ask me that again. Ever.”

He turned without a second glance and stormed off, straight to the bathrooms. He hadn’t realised he had been followed until he felt a tug on his sleeve. Amira halted at the entrance, sighing as Kevin ripped his hand away impatiently.

“Kevin –”

“No.”

He turned and disappeared into the bathroom, going straight to a stall. Fucking Neil. He sat atop the toilet seat, head in his hands. Why had breathing become so discarded in nature to him? At this stage, every morning was a lesson in returning to basic bodily functions.

He wasn’t ashamed of his sexuality, that wasn’t the problem. Nor was he ashamed of Jean. They were simply entwined, fused together under egregious circumstances to protect their minds from… losing their sense of humanness. It wasn’t necessarily love, or lust. At least that he was aware of. It was merely the need to know they had a safety net, that if one shattered, the other would pick up the pieces, glue him back together. Two souls so desperate not to burn black, clinging desperately to one another for the privilege of at least seeing colour in their waking hours, if only in each other’s eyes. But when Kevin ran away, Jean lost it all. He had nothing left.

It was his own behaviour Kevin hated. The way he abandoned Jean, when he didn’t go back for the man himself, but left it to Renee. That he could not reverse his erroneous cowardice and save a man who promised to stay alive for him… was a mistake he would punish himself for for the rest of his life. He would let Jean cut him a thousand times and know that it would never be enough pain to equate to what Jean went through without him. When the guilt consumed him, it was so whole, so encasing of his being that he thought he should die. That he deserved to let Jean kill him. So at least, in the most minimal sense of justice, Jean could avenge himself.

“I heard him plead for you so many times after you left. Usually before I put his head underwater, or a hand around his throat.”

Riko smiled smugly as he leaned against the stall door. Kevin curled up on the toilet and squeezed himself tighter, as if it would make him disappear.

Depraved eyes alighting at Kevin’s discomfort, Riko closed the space between them with ease, reaching bloodied hands out and seizing Kevin’s wrist. Unable to look, Kevin buried his head in his arm and bit into his bicep, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Perhaps it would do you well to know how I hurt him. What you left him to, in my pristine care. Shall we?”

A cracked laugh escaped Riko’s lips as he raised Kevin’s own hands and wrapped them around his own throat. His dead brother helped to squeeze, and Kevin felt the tightness of his fingers burying into the skin to bruise.

“The trick, you see, is to press the thumbs right on the esophagus, apply hard pressure. Blocks the airway, whilst still being able to grapple the neck. When I did it to Jean, he would be still at the start. Then the panic would set in and he would so pathetically try to grab my arm. A light punch to the jaw reminded him to stop that. It only took two days for him to learn not to try that again.”

Tears well in Kevin’s eyes as the words clattered around his weakening brain, the ability to breath becoming a lost cause. One gasp, the choke for air drained him of any energy he had left from self loathing. Another suck in was a wheezing one, his own thumbs crushing his windpipe, Riko huffing laughter into his ear. A third one and it was one tiny bit of oxygen that managed to break through, but not enough for Kevin to remain conscious. Where he could see the light behind his closed eyes, even that bit of sight started to shake and blur to nothing. Riko pressed his lips to Kevin’s temple, teeth scraping as he grinned into his former partner.

“You did it to him. It was entirely your fault. I hope you enjoy this punishment as much as I am.”

A pathetic wheeze escaped his lips, and Kevin croaked once more, head banging into the side of the stall as Riko’s hand tightened.

“Man, what did you eat to have you doing such a gnarly shit in there? Are you gonna be much longer, ‘cus I really can’t hold mine in much longer. TMI bro, but it’s kinda peeking out my butthole.”

Eyes flying open, Kevin’s hand’s released his own throat as the drab, greying stall came back into focus. Heaving into his arm to prevent concerns of the other person, he furiously rubbed his eyes dry as he forced himself to even out his breaths.

It took him 10 minutes to gain some semblance of composure. How desperately he wished he had bought vodka at the terminal shops. Eventually, he slid the stall door open, eyes keenly on the floor as he rushed out of the bathroom.

Amira stood at the entrance still, arguing with a cleaner, trying to reassure him that she was not trying to enter the men’s bathroom, but was waiting for a friend.

She was blushing with embarrassment, her bottom lip jutting out when she saw Kevin. He rolled his eyes, pushing past the cleaner and grabbed Amira’s arm, dragging her away with him. She apologised to the cleaner profusely as she stumbled to keep up with his stride.

“Kevin, I – holy shit your neck.”

She forced him to stop, and Kevin barely restrained himself from throwing her to the floor and escaping her watchful eye. They both stood there, her trying to pull him to privacy, him trying to now evade her clutches.

“Kevin, what happened? Stop squirming, stop it –”

A crack in her voice had him nearly freeze, but all he did was pull his hoodie over his head and with both hands, pulled her along with such force she almost fell. Desperate to get out of her sight, he dragged her to Wymack and Abby, who were readying to get the Foxes boarding. Kevin shoved Amira hard towards them, their eyebrows raised in confusion.

Amira opened her mouth, but a hateful glare from his own lowered eyes silenced her instantly. Turning his body away from the two adults, he flung a hand out dismissively.

“Keep your puppy on a leash. She is irritating me.”

Kevin went back to his bags without another word, grabbing out his ticket and passport and waited in the line with Aaron, whose silent indifference to Kevin’s presence was a welcoming reprieve.

The plane ride remained an uneventful affair, where he curled his body away from Neil in his window seat and focussed on reading, hood kept tightly over his head. He tried desperately to ignore the need to pee, if only not to have to look at himself, but half way through he couldn’t bear it. Forcing Neil and Andrew up, he shoved his headphones on and shuffled tiredly down the aisle, managing to get the toilet almost straight away.

Barely a second inside the cramped space, he fumbled a hand behind him to shut the door. Instead, he was shoved further in by a wayward grip, head banging a bit against the low angled ceiling of the rest room.

“What the fuck –”

Spinning around on his assaulter, he stiffened at the sight of Amira, who quickly slammed and locked the door shut. Kevin felt his face begin to heat up with fury, and he grabbed Amira’s arms and shoved her back into the door. She grunted but held her hands up in peace, the look on her face making him falter.

When he expected there to be judgement or anger for what she saw on his neck, there was only anxious concern, eyes shining in earnest.
“You don’t have to explain yourself, but at least let me help. It looks terrible.”

A hot lump formed in his throat, and his trembling grip on her arms seemed answer enough for her. Carefully, she raised her hands up and slid them around his biceps. The instant strength and warmth had him easing his grip on her, his eyes flitting down as her palms slid down the length of his arm to his wrists. He flinched at that, and instead of tightening, she immediately let go.

For an age she stared at his wrists, and he did too, wishing he could burn holes in them, through them, ashen and flake away the feeling that was Riko’s violent touch. At her eyes burning into his head, hair flopping in his eyes, he watched her fingers twitch and inch cautiously toward his hands. So slowly, so soft he allowed his eyes to shut, as she brushed her thumbs carefully against the inside of his wrist before lifting her hands and tugging his hood back. Thumbing the inside of his sweatshirt, she widened it around him until his neck was laid bare. He couldn’t stand having to look, to see the stupid thing he had done in the giant mirror right beside them.

The lack of space packed them tight, and he felt every little breath she exhaled or inhaled. Instead of touching his neck however, her hands found their way to his face, and two warm palms cupped his cheeks, thumbs breezing faintly beneath his eyes. Without realising, his head lulled into her touch, mollified by the compassion she so easily salved onto the world.

Willing himself an ounce of courage, he opened both eyes, watching Amira. Gaze roving up and down, she reached up slowly and swept his hair smoothly from his eyes, before dropping both hands from his face. He didn’t miss the way sadness tinged her gaze, but with slow fingers along his jaw, she craned his head back and started to pat something cold and damp onto his neck. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see make up and a little sponge being used to cover the marooning bruises that had started to show.

Working in silence, it took her 15 minutes to reach a state of satisfaction. Gesturing for him to check, he bent over to get a closer look in the mirror, impressed by how well she had done. He then narrowed his eyes in confusion and looked down at the colour in her hand. It was about 20 shades too light for her (is that how foundation worked?) and he looked up to her with a raised brow.

She shrugged sheepishly and looked down. “Borrowed it out of Allison’s bag when I pretended to get some medicine from the baggage compartment.”

That she had gone to that great a length to do so for him thawed the frozen block his chest had been the entire plane ride. He gave a slight nod and tugged his hood back over his head. “I really did come here to use the bathroom, you know.”

She blushed deeply at that and shoved all her belongings back in her make up bag, clearing her throat. “We’ll need to reapply at the hotel, most likely. Take some ibuprofen if you have any pain.”

She fiddled clumsily behind her to unlock the door, turning around when she got the latch and stepped out, freezing at a stern faced man glaring. He eyed the two of them back and forth with reproach and flicked a hand for Amira to move.

“Children, no respect for shared spaces. This isn’t the mile high club, move it.”

Amira screwed up her face and flashed Kevin an apologetic glance before hurrying back down to her seat. Kevin threw a bland, indifferent look to the man and slid the door closed again in his face, enjoying the minute of peace he had before facing the rest of the trip.

–

Even in fall, California was a sight to see. The sun was rising as they landed, and the long 8 hours felt worth it with the view they had coming off the plane. The sky was splashed with purples and pinks, clouds littering their view in puffy droves. Amira’s smile lit up as they descended the plane steps, all of them getting transported to the airport. Once they went through the hellish process of collecting their gear, they all made their way to the exit, where Wymack had gone ahead to collect the minibus they had rented for their stay. The drive from Santa Monica Airport to USC was about an hour, and Wymack made light work of it. He was a little more heavy footed than usual, as he was angered about the LA traffic they had to pass.

Once they reached their hotel, he shoved everyone off, demanding they shower. Dan called the troops to the lobby to meet Wymack, upon the realisation that the Foxes practically had a free day before the game.

“Do what you please, just do not get arrested, do not get drunk, do not start fights, do not do anything that will irritate me. Including losing tonight. Understood?”

They all nodded, trembling like puppies waiting to be let off their leash. Once he nodded, everyone dispersed eagerly, and Dan rounded everyone up with a grin.

“Okay guys, Jeremy is taking us all out for the day. He says even though it’s 76 today, we’re going to the beach. If anyone doesn’t want to that’s fine, but Jeremy is 10 minutes out with his team bus. He’s bringing Laila Dermot, Cat Alvarez and Jean Moreau as well. Go get ready, go go go!”

Jack was the only one who opted out, much to Dan’s disappointment. She was hoping it would be a good team bonding activity, but Jack claimed it was fraternising with the enemy. Allison called him a boring loser, and he tried to start a physical argument that Matt and Neil shut down very quickly.

Kevin wanted to do anything but go to the beach right now. He didn’t want to be around Jeremy, or Jean, or anyone for that matter. He knew Dan would lump him in with the likes of Jack if he didn’t, so he sucked it up.

After a brief touch up on his neck from Amira, they hurried after the rest of the Foxes to meet up with the Trojans.
Never would Kevin have imagined he would be in a foul mood amongst the Trojans, but the first sight of Jean and Jeremy had his mind falling apart before he could reel it back in. After a mumbled yet polite greeting to the others, he feigned fatigued and escaped to the rear of the bus, sinking down in the seat behind Andrew. The red and gold plastered on the interior was barely less of an eyesore than the Palmetto orange and white, so Kevin squeezed his eyes shut to block it out.

Laila took responsibility for driving the bus, and Jeremy used the time to greet all of the Foxes and chat with everyone. Nicky was most excited about this, for he loved to get the gossip about the other teams when he could. Cat was all too happy to divulge him, and Allison, Sheena and even Aubrey joined in on it. Renee sat with Jean, and Amira sat behind them both, chatting happily with them.

Kevin knew he was glaring, but it didn’t stop him when Neil moved to sit in front of Kevin, flicking his forehead whilst bending over the top of his seat.

“This mood of yours is ugly. It’s leaking everywhere and leaving a smell. Cut it out.”

Kevin twitched, wishing he could reach over and clock Neil in the jaw, but he contained himself. He shrivelled a little when he heard Jean laugh at something Renee said. That sound was so foreign that Kevin thought it was lost forever. Jeremy seemed to notice too, as he whipped his head to look at Jean. Kevin watched that look in Jeremy’s eyes, and had very sudden thoughts about putting Jeremy’s head through the window.

“He’s healing, Kevin. You can’t be jealous of that. You don’t have the right.”

Neil turned away before Kevin could react, but the words crashed and damaged every wall in his mind. He knew logically that Neil was correct, but memories and nostalgia were a poor recipe for rationality.

He needed a drink. It would be the first thing he did when he got off the bus, and he didn’t care if the others knew, didn’t care about Wymack’s warning.

Kevin hadn’t realised Andrew was staring at him until a thumb hooked his chin and tilted Kevin’s face this way and that. With a scowl, he whacked the goalkeeper’s hand away and leaned back into his seat. With narrowed eyes, Andrew twisted in his seat and studied Kevin through the space between the window and the chair.

“Seeing Riko again I see. I thought I told you I didn’t like it when you spoke to him.”

That got Neil’s immediate attention, and he whipped on Andrew and Kevin with wide eyes. Andrew held a hand up and grabbed Neil’s wrist, bringing it down after it had raised in self defence. Exposed to the bone from Andrew’s knowing, he turned his gaze out the window as Andrew lowered his voice to Neil.

“Kevin here used to get visits from our dear friend Riko in his sleep, sometimes his waking hours, when he first left Evermore. I thought they had stopped after our dearly beloved bit the bullet, but apparently not.”

Neil looked uncomfortable about this revelation, more about the fact that he did not know as opposed to the information itself. Bubbling shame coursed through Kevin’s chest at that mourning look Neil flashed at him. Jeremy saved him only in presence, as the Trojan captain made his way to the end of the bus, sinking down beside Kevin with a happy grin.

Knowing Jeremy wouldn’t buy it, but also not entirely caring, Kevin slapped on a media safe smile and drilled an exy-focussed conversation until it flowed out of him with natural ease of his second nature.

On arrival at Venice Beach, Laila managed to snag a tourist bus parking spot, and began to lead everyone out. The buzzing excitement of everyone lifted Kevin’s low mood only slightly, but he hung back, opting to go to the grocer across the road whilst everyone headed to the beach. He found a liquor store with ease, and purchased a bottle of vodka shamelessly. Upon his exit, however, stood Amira with folded arms, waiting patiently for him.

He narrowed his eyes and walked away as if he hadn’t seen her, and she scuttled after him.

“Why are you following me?”

Scrunching her lips, she ran a hand through her flowing hair as she struggled to keep pace with him.

“I also love vodka at 10am on a weekday. It’s a passion of mine, actually.”

Kevin turned on her with a fiery expression. She stopped short, staring at him stubbornly and planted her hands on his hips. Frozen in suspicious stares at one another, she gave in with a sign, shoulders sagging.

“Kevin just – forget your head today, okay? Chop it off, leave it behind, whatever. Just enjoy a bit of fun with your team. Friends. However you view us these days. Rubbish, probably.”

He shook his head in disbelief, and continued stomping along to the beach. “Just because I accepted your help on the plane last night does not mean I have to accept it now.”

A quick glance aside at her had his chest tightening, with the hurt that glassed on her doe eyes. Rubbing his jaw, he pushed forward as she jogged along to keep up. She seemed to be half trying to take in the scenery, the swaying palm trees, the crowds of locals and tourists, whilst also trying to stay beside Kevin. She was a slow walker for an exy player, which he would have found amusing on any other day but simply annoying now. Eventually, they found the Foxes and others, and Kevin had to do everything he could not to stop in his tracks.

Jean had gained more colour since the banquet. He was more of a gentle golden colour now, and it served him in all the right ways. His arms, his thighs, everything was more dimensional. Forcing himself into autopilot, Kevin pushed forward and sank down at the rear of the group. Allison was the first to the water, in a flashy pink bikini that barely covered anything – the perfect Allison style. Kevin heard Cat and Laila whistle in appreciation, which made the Fox grin. She dragged the two girls with her, and Dan and Matt followed suit. Jeremy yelled to make sure they all had enough sunscreen like a doting mother, Renee laughing at him. Aubrey clutched his arms around himself nervously, and Itzel nudged him encouragingly. He briefly heard the conversation that Aubrey couldn’t swim, but Matt had promised he would look out for him. Matt waved the pair over, and Itzel had to half push Aubrey in that direction. Jean laid back on a towel with sunglasses, Renee laying beside him in a one piece and they spoke together peacefully. Robin helped Sheena put sunscreen on, and Nicky hurried the two girls towards the water.

Sheena had warmed up to Nicky since the game with the Jackals, and because Nicky took a keen interest in her music taste. She was still a bitch most of the time, Kevin thought, but Nicky was just happy to be in the good books.

Aaron groaned as Matt came back and forced him to join, and didn’t bother with Neil or Andrew. They sat in shorts and tees, both of them in their arm bands. Neil slowly took his arm bands off, but left his shirt on. Andrew traced the scars as he sat there in silence, watching the others splash around. Kevin sighed, the loneliness soaking back into him as he laid back on his elbows. He peeled off his sweatshirt, careful not to let it rub the makeup on his neck, and opened the vodka. It was a great reprieve as he sucked it down, albeit warm. It wasn't preferential, but he had to make do.

He frowned as Jeremy joined him, the last person he wanted to be alone with, besides Jean. Jeremy sat on the sand, letting it flow through his hands as if it was just another part of him.

“What’s got you in a twist today, Kevin? You want to talk about it?”

Kevin sighed, closing his eyes. Why was Jeremy so nice? It was annoying. The Trojan tapped the vodka bottle, wanting to question him about it but the words never came. Kevin felt something blocking the sun, and reopened his eyes, feeling himself freeze.

“Are you coming for a swim?”

Amira stood before him in, a hand over her eyes to block out the sun, the other on her waist.
Something in his brain started to spark and flicker, live wires left dangerously unattended. She wore a green bikini, that same green she spoke about the other day – deep and rich. There was so, so much on show. Long legs, soft skin, wide hips, pretty waist, oh so pretty – her hair dangling loosely around her like a cape. Mouth dry, he was pretty certain he forgot his own name. Kelvin? Keirnan? Keiran?

Out of the corner of his eye, Jeremy pinged his eyes back and forth between the pair. With a nudge to the ribs from the blond, he cleared his throat and shook his head, forcing his eyes to the sand. Jeremy put on a smile and said he would join in a minute. Amira gave an easy nod, and Kevin felt her lingering gaze for a short moment before she turned and left.

But when she did that, he thought he was going to die. The back was as good as the front - the curve in of her spine, the way her bikini didn’t fully cover her cheeks -

Jeremy nudged him again, and it took him an age to peel his eyes from Amira and look at the other man. He had such a wide grin on his face that had Kevin feeling alarmed.

“Hot tip, Kevin – you should stare less.”

Kevin shoved him, quickly picking up the vodka and taking a long, hard sip as Jeremy chuckled. However, his reprieve felt immediately attacked with the keen eyes of Jean and Renee now ogling at him. He rarely felt embarrassed but he knew his cheeks were going pink. He looked away from them and kept downing the vodka. One second, two seconds, three seconds, four seconds –

Jeremy reached forward and gently took it from his clenching grip. Kevin sniffed, folding his arms over his legs and rested his chin on top, staring at the water. He ignored Jeremy trying to poke and prod with questions, opting to close his eyes and let the alcohol wash through him. Jeremy gave up eventually and the shifting sand indicated Kevin now had peace, and he felt himself still.

He stayed like that for a while, letting the sun warm his bare skin, seep and soak into his energy-deprived body. He only reopened his eyes when a weight shifted the sand beside him, a body breathing gently beside him. He turned his head, surprised to see Jean. That he wasn’t covered in bruises or bandages, Kevin balked and quickly bit his own arm.

Jean looked almost peaceful, with his hands in his lap, thoughtful eyes on the water. Kevin couldn’t stop staring. How did he seem so much put together than him? It was definitely a facade, and sure, Kevin had his own, but Jean’s seemed more – himself. Somehow.

“How are you coping so well?”

It came out in a fractured whisper, and Jean bit his lip in thought. He turned to Kevin eventually, his hair flopping in his eyes. Kevin wanted to push it back, but Jean did it himself, tucking bits behind his ears.

“I'm not. Or maybe I am. I don’t know. Jeremy, Laila, Cat mostly. They wormed their way in. Well – I let them, I guess. Opening the door to it is the hardest part. After that, it just gets a little easier every day. Some days are worse than others. It just is how it is.”

It was blunt, but honest. Kevin appreciated the answer. And the bridge that Jean extended. Kevin certainly didn’t deserve it, and his fingers twitched to clasp at his own throat. But then he realised that Jean had offered something to build off of, to work towards something that could maybe not be a sinking ship between the two. Kevin enjoyed the simplicity of his presence, something that he always had, and breathed a sigh of relief at being able to sit in peaceful silence.

After a while, Amira came up and squatted down in front of the pair, hugging her knees. She was dripping wet, and looked like she was having the time of her life. Eyes sliding to Jean, the joy radiating off of her had both boys leaning back a little in unison.

“Jean, will you come do shoulder wrestling with us? Jeremy says you’re very good at losing and thinks it would be beneficial if you came to show the rest of us.”

She giggled as Jean narrowed his eyes, looking deeply displeased.

“Jeremy said that, mmm? Did he tell you he is a sore loser and that he’s the one that is good at losing?”

She shook her head, biting back more laughter. She stood and held out two hands, one for Jean and one for Kevin. Jean eyed the water uneasily, and Kevin didn’t miss how he became locked up. He’d rather have buried himself alive than participate in these activities, but he couldn’t just leave Jean stuck between a rock and a hard place.

“Jean is allergic to fun, unfortunately, so he won’t participate. I will come and show Jeremy how to lose in preparation for tonight.”

Forcing himself up, the wobble of his legs made him scowl at where all the vodka in him had gone. Amira eyed the bottle and its lack of contents warily before letting Kevin go once he was balanced. He tried to dart for the water, but Amira waggled a finger at him. She reached down to her bag, and pulled out sunscreen, shaking it at him.

“You haven’t got brown skin privilege Kevin. Put it on.”

Kevin wanted to argue but knew she was right. He took it from her with a frown, putting it on his arms, face, chest. He tried his back and shoulders, and he was flexible, but Amira got impatient and snatched the sunscreen to finish it off. She stilled him, smacking his back and moved her hand in slow circles. Kevin thought she would feel his racing heartbeat under his skin, but she didn’t say anything. Her hands were warm, soft - and she was doing it for a little too long. He felt her hands slowly move their way around, over his back muscles, his waist, his lower back. Her hands paused at his waistband, and he stilled as he felt her lean forward, bringing her lips to his ear.

“Don’t go underwater. I don’t know if the foundation is waterproof. Let’s go.”

It was a breathy whisper, and she let her hands slide off slowly, putting the sunscreen back and walking to the water without another word. Kevin forgot he needed to move, and only did so because Neil and Andrew were squirming in judgemental laughter, where they still watched from the ground. Kevin kicked sand at them and turned, hurrying away.

He froze at the edge of the shore, frowning and stuck a toe in. Wincing away, it was colder than he anticipated. Beaches always were. Staring at the lashing waves, paused in time, he gasped as Aaron kicked him with water. The cold drops clung to his hot skin, making him scowl. Aaron laughed gleefully and ran awkwardly deeper into the water, Kevin now chasing after him.

The others cheered at the fact that Kevin had finally joined them. He stopped chasing Aaron, and stood waist deep, reaching down and splashing the water onto his torso to acclimate. Seething through gritted teeth, he was reminded of that frozen shower that afternoon so long ago, Amira shoving him beneath the cold lashing until he remembered he was not actually going back to the Nest.

Allison and Cat wolf whistled, jolting him from his thoughts and he groaned at them, rolling his eyes. He paused as he saw Amira staring, face unreadable. Narrowing his eyes, he placed his hands on his hips and stared back in challenge. It didn’t last long, as she instantly backed down and she ducked beneath the lapping waved to hide from his gaze.

Kevin turned his attention to this so-called shoulder wrestling. Nicky had Laila on his shoulders, and Jeremy had Dan on his. Robin was reffing, and yelled go for them to start at it. Nicky and Jeremy moved forward, and Dan and Laila started to try pushing each other off balance. The boys occasionally reached a hand out to one another to try and help, but had to focus on keeping the girls upright. Sheena yelled for Dan to drag Laila down, and Matt told Laila where Dan’s ticklish spots were. Dan gasped at the exposed information, pretending to be offended.

“Not fair Matt – No!”

Laila took Matt’s advice immediately, reaching forward and poking Dan in the ribs repeatedly. She burst out laughing, and wriggled every which way, resulting in her and Jeremy falling back into the water. Everyone burst out laughing, and Robin jumped up and down.

“Winners! Laila and Nicky!”

She clapped, as did everyone else, and Kevin shook his head at the stupidity of it all. Nicky slowly squatted down in the waves to let Laila off, and she glided into the water to Cat, kissing her with glee.

Robin called forth more people to join, this time Matt taking Aaron up and Sheena went over with Allison. Jeremy took up post at Aubrey's side in place of Matt, who glanced nervously at the Trojan captain. Like a mind reader, Jeremy put Aubrey at ease with kind conversation and talking to help distract his mind. Aubrey slowly eased up, and eyed Itzel with an excited smile. She gave him no satisfaction of being proud, and instead swam away to do laps along the shoreline. Allison patted Sheena’s head with a smirk and cocked her head at the shore.

“Sucked in Nicky, I told you that you wouldn’t have a chance mounting a sexy French man today. You owe me $20 bucks.”

Nicky pouted and Jeremy blinked in confusion, Cat and Laila bursting with laughter as everyone looked at Jean and Renee on the sand. Jeremy finally seemed amused, shaking his head.

“You lot have way too much time on your hands.”

Dan shrugged, but smiled as she stood beside Jeremy. “It’s team bonding if you think about it hard enough.”

Jeremy shook his head and nudged Dan, watching as Aaron and Allison went at it on Robin’s say. Kevin waded deeper into the water at chest height, and let the waves lap over him. They were gentle today, calming. He looked down as Amira had swam under the water to his side. She stood behind him, tapping his shoulder.

“Want a go next round?”

He glanced back over his shoulder at her, observing her enthusiasm. Her hair hung limp and flat around her, water dribbling down her body. Her hair stuck to her arms, between her breasts - nope. He couldn’t do that. He stopped himself, sucking his lips into a thin line before turning back to look at the others. He crossed his arms tight around himself and nodded slowly.

“Only if you can guarantee us a win.”

She smacked his shoulders repeatedly in excitement, shoving him forward toward where Robin was reffing the others. Aaron successfully shoved Allison hard enough that she and Sheena flopped back down into the water. Matt jumped up and down with Aaron atop him, and they high fived one another at the win.

Sheena swore in Greek, helping Allison stand up out of the water. Once she was up, Allison waded as quickly as the water let her and shoved Matt, him and Aaron toppling down with a startled yell. She cackled and ducked under the water, swimming away as fast as she could and hiding behind Dan so they couldn’t avenge themselves. That made Sheena laugh, and Matt huffed as Dan protected Allison.

“Not fair babe! Fucking Allison.”

Aaron reappeared above the water beside Matt, hands behind his back. He suddenly flung hard and fast, lopping a bunch of seaweed at Dan and Allison. They squealed as it hit them, jumping around in panic and shoving it off as fast as they could.

The 4 of them started to push and shove in the water, and Robin yelled them sternly to attention.

“Hey! Quick game is a good game, idiots! Amira, Kevin, you’re up! Jeremy and Laila, you too. Get your butts over here!”

Robin wasn’t usually bossy but clearly took this seriously. Everyone came to attention, and Jeremy laboured through the water toward Robin. Laila went on top as Jeremy held onto her thighs tight. Kevin watched a pink tinge creep onto Amira’s cheeks as she watched the pair, raising his eyebrows. Something hot and uncomfortably squirmed in him at that. He felt all over the place today – it was exhausting.

He turned to Amira, sending an elbow into her side. She quickly spun to him, and he watched the water droplets plop from her long eyelashes, down her face, onto her chest –

“Who’s going up?”

Her soft tone had him feeling caught, and Kevin scoffed as if it wasn’t clear already. “Not me – I’m too heavy. Let’s get this over with.”

He slowly sank down to his knees then, letting the gritty sand mush against his skin. It felt nice. He wished he could immerse himself, safe and warm beneath the waves. Amira pursed her lips and moved behind him, looking thoughtful before bending over and bringing her lips to his ear.

“You’re lucky I like being on top.”

Kevin’s eyes widened, and he coughed, barely managing to keep his neck from getting wet. Amira gave a breathy laugh, sliding her hands through his scalp as she put her thighs over his shoulders. Kevin closed his eyes then, begging to himself.

Don’t think of the legs. Do not think of the legs.

As soon as she was steady, he stood up, his hands gripping her bare thighs. They were silky soft, wet and plump. Good to bite, suck on maybe – He quickly pushed that thought out of his head, moving toward where Jeremy and Laila stood. Amira kept her hands on his hair, gripping the salty mop gently in her fingers. He felt her nails gently scrape against his scalp, back and forth. Why was his head now her fidgeting tool? And why was it so relaxing?

He looked to Jeremy, who grinned with determination. “Hope you’re prepared to lose twice in one day, Kevin. I’ve got tissues on the bus for you just in case.”

Kevin scoffed, narrowing his eyes. He glanced up at Laila, then back down at Jeremy, feeling mischievous. Keeping a professional blankness to him, he raised his chin. “Don’t forget I know Jeremy’s weaknesses, Laila.”

Jeremy’s eyes widened a little, and he looked concerned. Amira laughed and leaned down as Kevin beckoned her to come closer, lowering his voice to a whisper so only she could hear.

“Jeremy tends to favour his right foot. Put pressure on Laila’s left and they’ll be down in no time.”

She snorted in surprise, a pleasant sound to the ears and straightened up. Laila narrowed her eyes suspiciously, readjusting her bikini before Robin yelled to start.

Amira yelled, arms out as they moved forward, Laila and Jeremy also coming forth.

Amira tried to go straight for Laila’s left side, but she seemed to know she would – Laila grabbed her wrists and tried to push her back. Amira screamed, laughter then escaping her throat as she tried to free her hands. This was harder than Kevin anticipated, keeping a wobbling person upright whilst trying not to lose his own balance.

“You won’t win against me Amira –you should fall now, save yourself the embarrassment.”

Laila barely contained her own snorting giggle as Amira kept squirming, but her only reply was in the most terrible attempt at French he had ever heard. “J’adore manger des pommes de terre! J’aime manger du pain!”

They weren’t entirely nonsense sentences, but the pronunciation was awful, and she continued with them, each one continually worse in grammar and structure. It had the desired effect however, as Jeremy and Laila were so confused they forgot what they were meant to be doing. Amira ducked her hands down and scraped her nails gently against Laila’s tummy. She gasped and flinched back, bursting out with unintended laughter. Laila’s jerking made Jeremy almost lose balance. Kevin stepped forward, and Amira kept trying to tickle and speak her awful French, and Laila started to laugh herself off balance.

“Stop – no, that is not fair you – do you even speak French? If Jean hears this he will combust – no, no –”

It took a few more goes and finally, unable to keep up with Laila’s bucking, Jeremy lost balance and collapsed, bringing his friend down with him.

The pair made a huge splash, and Robin screamed with joy. “Winners! Kevin and Amira take down the Trojans! Unlucky fellas, she successfully managed to out-tickle you to losing!”

Laila groaned as she came back up, and Jeremy couldn’t help but laugh as Amira yelled the awful French loud enough for Jean to hear from the shore. Other beachgoers cringed away in confusion, but Kevin almost let a laugh escape at how offended Jean looked.

Amira only giggled, and squalled with joy as Kevin held her tight, spinning in victorious circles before letting her down as carefully as possible.

She turned and wrapped her arms around his shoulders in a winners hug. He froze, the lack of space between them unexpected. They were skin to skin everywhere – chest to chest, torso to torso, thigh to thigh. It took him a second, but he did hug her back, slowly wrapping his arms around her. She wasn’t small in height or frame, and felt warm and fulfilling in his grip. She squeezed him with all her might, and he grunted at the strength of her, before she let go, and bounded to Robin, hugging her too.

He hadn’t noticed he wasn’t moving until Laila, Cat and Jeremy were in front of him, and he quickly blinked, bringing his focus to them. Jeremy spoke before Kevin could.

“Winning strategy there Kevin, you’re lucky that won’t work on an exy court, or I might be concerned about having such a ticklish player on my team.”

Jeremy pointed a look at Laila, who huffed and folded her arms stubbornly, eyes pointed at Amira. “She is a dirty shoulder wrestler, it was not a fair match.”

Laila pouted only slightly and Jeremy stared as if she were the very sun itself. Cat laughed at her girlfriend and lopped an arm around her shoulders before turning to Kevin, a wicked smile on her face.

“She single, Kevin? She’s very cute.”

Cat wiggled her eyebrows, and grunted as Laila nudged her, wrapping both of her arms around Cat.

“Your girlfriend is right here y’know. But good question – is she?”

Laila grinned as Cat nudged her back, and Jeremy laughed at the pair. They all looked at Amira then, who was holding hands with Robin and pulling her around in circles in the water, trying to go as fast as possible. Kevin raised an eyebrow, incredulous at her goofy behaviour before turning back to the others.

“Uhh – yeah, she is I guess.” It was a nonchalant answer to a question he did not want to delve further into, but Cat continued with her querying.

“I can’t even believe that, she’s a catch. Seems to have your attention well and truly.” That made Laila snort, and Jeremy raised an eyebrow at the two, urging them to shut up. Kevin narrowed his eyes at that.

“She is uh… very inquisitive. Kind of doesn’t give up on things until she has well rounded answers. I give them over mostly because it’s usually about exy. But she also will just keep asking until she gets what she’s looking for. Just… irritatingly persistent. She’s court material, so I’m trying to mould her into being worthy.”

They all raised their eyebrows at his bland, political response. Laila contributed to the prodding then, reaching forward and poking Kevin’s forehead.

“I saw you staring at her boobs. Surely you can agree she has a nice rack, atleast?”

Kevin bit his cheeks to prevent himself from outrage, and wiped his face void of expression, opting to shrug indifferently and not feed them a reply. Laila pouted, and Jeremy waved a hand, baying the girls to back off it a bit. They sighed, reminding Jeremy how awfully boring he could be and swam back to Allison and Nicky. Jeremy screwed up his face and turned back to Kevin.

“They like to tease, sorry about that.”

Kevin shrugged, as if to say he didn’t know what Jeremy was talking about. He avoided his eyes, looking to the scenic views around them instead. He knew Jeremy was analysing him, but he refused to give him the pleasure of acknowledging it. He focused on the swaying palms, the floating blobs of seaweed, until the blond got bored and went to move away. But Kevin opened his mouth, words tumbling out so fast that he didn’t have time to check that they weren’t crushingly rude.

“If you break his trust, Jeremy, I will break you.”

Jeremy stopped in his tracks. Kevin could feel him staring at the side of his head, but Kevin wouldn’t look back. He kept his eyes on the shore, watching the waves lap the sand, swirl around and drag bits of the land back to the sea. Jeremy seemed to want to speak, but opted instead to leave it alone.

Kevin sighed, and after a moment, slowly sank down so only his neck was above water. He picked up handfuls of sand, and held them close to the surface, watching as the gentle ocean movement washed it away in wispy streams. It was peaceful then – this small moment alone, in the elegant simplicity of nature. The way it moved, never forced by something else, but rather in ways that felt comforting, productive. He wished he was the water. The sand, the grit, the wind. Anything but himself. He closed his eyes and let his mind be free of himself, if only for a few moments. If only he could become a marine animal. That would be mighty healing.

He only reopened his eyes when he felt something tickle his arm, and glanced with one eye to see Amira beside him. She had something in her hand, and offered it to him. He narrowed his eyes, sighing and bringing a palm up to the surface. She gently placed a large, empty sea snail shell in his hand. It was white and had spotty, streaky orange markings with speckled beige at the entrance of it. He stared at it, running a finger over the swirling surface, feeling the small bumps and jagged dents that had formed it. He looked up at her, and the smile she wore melted whatever residing hardness he had in him for the day. She leaned against him gently, pointing at the shell.

“It’s a Palmetto State special edition shell, all the way from South Carolina. Keep it. For good luck.”

A simple nod from him seemed to satisfy her. She stared at his eyes a moment, and in a swift move, reached up and pushed some of his hair gently back off his forehead. He watched water drip off her eyelashes, and he would have done anything to stop time then. As quickly as she had done it, however, she moved away to leave him in peace. He watched her hair float as she moved, wavering around on its own accord. He had never seen anything so beautiful.

And although it was probably stupid, he closed his fingers over the shell, and knew it would be one of the very small amount of treasures in his life that he would never, ever, let go of.

Chapter Text

The lead up to the game at USC was filled with more excitement for the Foxes than should have been necessary. Even Wymack seemed a little relaxed, as he and Abby had managed to enjoy a few hours of swimming themselves before they had to focus on the game.

An hour out from leaving, Amira texted Kevin to come to her room. The foundation had held up covering his bruised neck at the beach, surprisingly waterproof, but from showering after the beach, it had come off. He shoved on a hoodie, pulling it over his head to avoid suspicion from Aaron and Aubrey, who sat together playing a card game. He mumbled that he would be back, ducking out of the room as fast as possible.

Thankful he passed no Foxes in the hallway, he knocked on the door to Amira’s room, which she opened a moment later. Stepping aside, she let him in and quickly locked the door behind him. He was grateful Amira got a room to herself, as they had no risk of any Foxes happening upon them.

Amira fluttered around the room, her hair wrapped up high atop her head in a towel, starting to remove everything that littered the desk. She patted for him to sit atop it, and he cocked a brow. She paused to look back at him, pursing her lips.

“Unless you want me straddling you on the bed, I suggest you sit on the desk.”

There was no tone of joke, but he rolled his eyes nonetheless and obeyed, using his hands and lifting himself with ease onto the desk. She waved her hand around, gesturing to him to remove his jumper, and he peeled it off without a second thought. His shirt lifted halfway up his torso, and without looking she reached over and tugged it back down for him. Swallowing the thought of her doing the reverse, Amira plumped her make-up bag down beside him on the desk and placed her hands on his knees, spreading them apart and standing between them. Legs clenching, he averted his gaze to the ceiling, watching the dusty, mini chandelier tremble on its own accord.

Working in silence, he allowed himself only quick glimpses, the smell of her flowery shampoo and fruity moisturiser wafting into his nose, relaxing him significantly. Each brush of her finger or sponge against his skin had him breaking out in goosebumps, and he gritted his teeth, unable to force his body to behave.

She eventually broke the silence as she worked, giving her a bored glance at her line of questioning.

“Is there anything I can do to help with… whatever this is?”

Pushing his tongue around his cheek, he craned his neck at her pushing and adjusting the angle of his face away from her sight.

“You have done enough.”

Unsatisfied with his curtness, she pushed on. “But I don't know enough.”

Impatience bubbled in his stomach, and he reached up, grabbing her hand with the make up sponge for her to stop. “It is not for you to know.”

Eyes wide and insistent, she tilted her head to the side and slumped her shoulders. “Kevin, I am trying to help you –””

“Are you trying to help or attach the strings for your puppet show of control you constantly need to have?”

Low and scathing, he watched her work through anger, defensiveness, then deflation, in the furrowed knit of her brow.

“What does that mean?”

His sneer had her stilling, and she seemed unable to move from his irritable gaze. “Your need to know everyone's business inside and out has not gone unnoticed.”

Clasping down tighter on her wrist, she didn’t make any attempt to leave, only shrugged her shoulders. “It's not about being nosy Kevin, it’s –”

‘“It’s what?”

Her face reddened, and he was surprised to see shame flash across her eyes. She turned her face away, and he scrutinised the side of her head, releasing her wrist.

“Everyone has ulterior motives. Cogs and wheels turning in the background. I…”

Waving her hands around, she tapped her thumb against each of her fingers, churning and chewing explanations. Folding his arms across his chest, Kevin dipped his chin with a little more curiosity.

“I’m still learning not to assume the worst of people. Overthinking what one is capable of. It’s a terrible habit. Knowing everyone has free will yet not always being able to know what they intend to do with it… It’s a parasite, really.”

He considered those words carefully, flipping and examining all possible angles. Riko was a prime example of that… someone with free will, never knowing what he would do with it. Usually imposing it on others, for his own sick entertainment, satisfaction. In that he could relate. She had endured the most sickening form of human’s imposing their free will on others, without allowance, without thought of the implications. She was treading carefully with people she had only known a few months. He couldn’t begrudge her for that. It simply wasn’t his place.

“It’s not unreasonable. Doesn’t make it less invasive though.”

Biting her bottom lip, she turned away and tugged her towel off her head, letting her wet hair flop and dangle in a mess around her.

“I know you’re hiding something, you and Neil and Andrew at least. I just can’t pinpoint what.”

Ichirou’s deal. Of course she was on track for it. Nerves struck his gut, but the fact that she was so desperate as to open up about her suspicions had him somewhat reassured she was nowhere near the truth. He needed a bone to throw her off track, and the only appropriate sacrifice seemed to be himself. Craning his neck, he glanced down at his lap in frustration.

“I see Riko. In my dreams, sometimes my waking hours. I caused this because I saw him.” He waved a hand at his neck, gritting out the last sentence. She immediately turned her head back to him and narrowed her eyes. It took a full minute for her to respond.

“I suppose that makes sense. A spirit as awful as his, haunting you long after he has ceased to exist.”

He scoffed, shaking his head in frustration at that interpretation. “It is a memory. That is all.”

Stubborn as ever, she reached up a hand and gently tilted his head to look her in the eyes. Drowning in those dark orbs, he froze himself in place and attempted miserably to wipe any expression from his face.

“Memories are things that have happened, Kevin. Is every visit from him a recreation or something new?”

Dignifying that would allow her the satisfaction of being right, so he ignored it altogether and chose to stare her down in defiance. Trying to push his flickering focus, to not let his brain wander back to the airport bathroom, he cut his eyes away to pretend she wasn’t there. Pushing her glasses up her nose, she let go of him and finally went back to painting his neck.

“I'm sure Riko did not kill himself without you on his mind. Knowing you won in the end. That you are the one who came out on top.”

Nerves wrecked, his hand whipped up and clenched her shirt in his fists, face twisting into something horribly similar to the rage he felt for that flashed second before morphing to fear, right before Riko crushed his racquet down on his hand. Amira paused, eyes cutting down to his grip on her then back up at his boiling anger, at how awfully close their faces were.

“Don’t you dare speak of him again. Understood?”

Amira dipped her chin slowly, eyes locked to his and her breath now shallow and quickened. He swallowed, barely recognising the ragged glass of his own voice, forcing back his anger, barely able to control himself. But she only moved closer, daringly so, eyeing him down fiercely.

“Why? Because you might get better? Because it might actually help to release the poison he forced into you, instead of caging them and letting it infest every part of you?”

That she kept pushing, kept weaving herself fourth without being scared of his retribution had something inside him wanting to shrink. Flames erupted, then they doused, erupted again. Nauseating. She was nauseating.

“Because you will not understand. And it is not your business. There is no point being in woe over the past.”

He tried to be cold, but it came out unevenly. She placed her hands on the desk either side of him when he twitched to move, and he stilled, staring down at her through glaring, hateful eyes.

“Are you too good to be challenged, Kevin? Too proud? Or do you truly enjoy rotting on that pedestal you refuse to climb down from?”

Scoffing, he pushed himself forward until they were almost nose to nose, neck straining to repress his utter insult at her determination.

“I have been broken and bent to earn my place on that pedestal. I think I deserve to do what I want up there.”

Incredulous, she shook her head, almost in disappointment and finally made a gap between them, moving back out of his space and folding her arms across her chest. “You should not have had to bleed and break, Kevin. You were only a child.”

That she spoke so utterly soft, cracked something ancient in his chest that he had consistently repressed to dust in the back of his mind. The honour of playing this sport had only come at the expense of pain, hatred, violence. He rather wished it had not. If only his mother had lived, if only they had had more time together, perhaps passion and joy and devotion would have overwritten his love for exy instead of this turbulent, sickly co-dependence he had. One that branched into every vein, every artery, every organ, every cell, igniting him with fervent, desperate need to constantly have the sport in the palm of his hands.

Opening his mouth to bite out something more vicious, he flinched when there was a knock at the door, a rattling of the door knob. Amira straightened and furrowed her brows.

“Amira. Do you know where Kevin is?”

Andrew’s bored voice was low and irritated through the door as he twisted the handle again impatiently. Amira winced, turning to Kevin and stood back, lowering her voice.

“Do you want him to know?”

Kevin scowled under his breath, turning to the mirror to see only half of his neck covered up. Andrew knew Riko was taunting him, but not what he had done to himself as a result. That would become more of a headache, so he shook his head. Amira tutted, pacing in panic and quickly took her towel off her head.

“Getting decent, give me a sec!”

She shouted in the direction of the door and spun to Kevin, quickly shoving the make up supplies into her bag, then in the drawer, before suddenly peeling her shirt off. Eyes going wide, he stared at her now in her bra, quickly going to the bed and jumbling up the sheets before scrambling back to him waving him forward. She reached out and ran her hands through his hair, and that set his spine trembling as she messed it up and shagged it out.

“Shirt off.”

“Excuse me?”

“Sorry – shirt off please.”

He blinked but obeyed, peeling his tee shirt from his body, his eyes unable to stop absorbing every bare bit of her skin: the curve of her hip bones, her soft belly, her dangling belly button ring – wait, he hadn’t seen that before – was that there earlier today?

“Hey, eyes up. Get on the bed. Go.”

She shoved him from behind and he quickly scrambled into the bed, praying his face was not red, half burying himself under the blankets as Andrew knocked impatiently. Amira cleared her throat, stepped to the door and opened it a few inches.

“Hi, Andrew, Neil. What’s up?”

Kevin could just see Andrew’s face, and Neil’s beside him. The two boys raised their brows in confusion at Amira’s lack of clothing. Andrew was quicker to get suspicious and put a hand flat on the door, trying to push it open more. Amira held steady and shook her head, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“I didn’t think you of all people would need a dictionary to understand the word privacy, Andrew.”

Huffing through his nose, Andrew gave a snarked smile at Amira, who stood there timidly beneath Andrew’s burning gaze. “Interesting. Any clue where Kevin is, he isn’t answering his phone.”

Amira’s lips formed a thin line, shrugging, but her shoulders suddenly tensed, and she gripped the door handle until it creaked. Kevin’s phone suddenly started to ring from the desk, and he screwed up his face as Andrew then shoved Amira aside and stepped in, Neil following. Both boys froze when they saw Kevin in the bed.

Neil’s jaw hit the floor, and Amira quickly closed the door behind them, screwing up her face. “Happy? Christ. Can you give us 5 and you can have him?”

“Have him…” Neil whispered like a lost child, Andrew glaring at Amira in frustration. That had Kevin lost at what his deal was, and he leaned forward a bit as Andrew turned on her.

“I told you not to do this. He is not worth it.”

Kevin’s mouth fell open as he was gestured at like trash, Amira working her jaw and avoiding Kevin’s face at all costs.

“I can do as I please, Andrew. I do not need you breathing down my neck just because you have no faith in your own friend.”

Andrew scoffed in disgust and flicked his hand in Kevin’s direction. “He is a pet, at best. Do not come crying to me when he betrays your trust. Meet us in our room Kevin.”

Leaving abruptly, Neil was slower to move, before Amira gestured for him to get out. He quickly left without a word and Amira closed the door, burying her face in her hands.

Confusion moulded into deep offence into anger and back into confusion. He slipped out of her bed and shoved his shirt back on, walking up to her with folded arms.

“You have 10 seconds to explain to me what Andrew was talking about.”

Amira gripped at her hair for a second before letting go, looking Kevin in the eye with much more bravado than he expected.

“He is under the impression I have feelings for you, which I do not. But he said that you’ll always save your own neck first and don’t have a selfless bone in your body. That you are not intelligent enough to handle the complexities of being with someone that – has been through what I have been through.”

She seemed almost as offended by it as he was hurt. That Andrew had said any of this, warded Amira off of him like he was cursed, was a stab in the gut that he didn’t even know Andrew had the other end of the knife handle for.

Instead of justifying himself, coming up with excuses, he simply moved back to the desk and perched atop it, waiting for her to finish. She seemed on the edge of letting something out, but she waited a beat, hands trembling as she went back to finishing his neck. They spent the rest of that time in silence.

–

The Foxes arrived at USC’s exy stadium, and Kevin had not forgotten how much he loved being there. It was shiny, refreshing, and had a tonne of bright, natural light. If he ever had to play for another team, it would without a doubt be them. He might even enjoy the sunshine.

The team stood together in the guest changeroom, as the sound of USC locals and fans started to fill up the seats. It was a long way for anyone from South Carolina to attend to, so the Palmetto fans were little to none. But none of the Foxes’ cared, they had high spirits after their day at the beach. All but Jack, who didn’t even seem to care for the match: he was simply bored. Every time Kevin was in his presence lately, something squirmed inside him uncomfortably. Jack kept being his nauseating self, but it was still ever worsening. He was barely ever at the dorms, Aubrey had said. They didn’t know where he spent most of his time. No one saw him outside of training. Dan tried over and over to assimilate him into the team better, but he refused at every turn, much to her frustration.

Something felt wrong about the striker. Kevin never regretted his choice in players he put faith into, but this was definitely the first. He watched Jack sit away from the others, leaning against the wall with a bored, indifferent stare as Wymack spoke.

“Team, I know you have all had a well deserved relaxing day, but leave that attitude in here and do not bring it on the court. I am also asking you to leave your friendships as well – no groaning Dan, you’re my captain.”

The girls laughed at that, and Wymack shook his head, continuing. “They have Jean playing today. He will know how to get under Kevin and Neil’s skin. Be wary of it. I suspect the Trojan’s may earn their first ever red card with him today. Jeremy has managed to keep him under control on all of their games so far, but just barely. Play smart. I know we can beat them. I can’t believe I’m saying this… have fun. God knows the lot of you deserve it.”

Everyone cheered in unison but Jack, and the Foxes went to gear up and head to the court. Kevin slipped over to the striker, tapping him with his racquet. They were playing together for the first half. Jack side eyed Kevin as he walked alongside him. Kevin narrowed his eyes and leaned a little closer.

“You need to play fair today, this isn’t a team I will stand you disrespecting with your unhealthy desire for a fight.”

Jack huffed a laugh and shook his head, a cold smile sliding onto his lips. “Like you care what I do. But sure, whatever Master Kevin says, goes.”

Kevin barely contained shoving Jack into the wall, and it was only because they had come to the outer court. The crowd booed their entrance, as expected, but his focus wasn’t on that. It was on Jean, who was on the court. Seeing him in the Trojans’ uniform was odd through a screen, but in person it was jarring.

It made him look lighter, freer. If that were possible for a uniform to do. Kevin wasn’t sure why, but at the last minute Coach decided to have Jack and Kevin swap marks. Kevin no longer had Jean, but rather, Jack did. Kevin argued with Wymack, but Coach held his ground. Dan had agreed, and knowing the two had a plan they didn’t divulge to Kevin pissed him off.

They refused to explain themselves, and only when they were about to enter the court did Dan move up beside Kevin, grabbing his elbow. Aubrey was dealing first quarter, Allison second, and Dan and Amira were going the second half. Kevin looked at Dan as he put his helmet on, and shook Dan off as she laughed at his annoyance.

“Kev, pipe it. I put Jack there to throw Jean off. He’s an easy mark for Jean, which means less focus on you. More chances to score points. Jean’s playing in the second half for the last part of it – he’ll be on you then. So you can have your lovely reunion.”

Kevin sighed, and he didn’t altogether hate the idea, but thought it was a waste of time when it could have been him or Neil on Jean.

“You could have just said that, I don’t like when you and Coach team up against me.”

Dan snorted, patting his shoulder. “Can’t be daddy’s favourite all the time Kevin. He loves me more anyways.”

Kevin scowled and pushed Dan away, who cackled and ran back beside Wymack, poking her tongue out at him as he walked onto the court. He cast a last glance back, eyes landing on Amira. She was staring at him. Her skin had further browned in the sun today, and she looked radiant. Moreso than normal, he thought. Still bitter from their earlier conversion, he turned away and headed to the court, giving a half-assed smile as he spotted Jeremy chatting with Matt. The pair were laughing, and it warmed Kevin a little to know they were about to have a great game.

He moved to position, nodding to his backliner, number 20. He didn’t know them well, only that their name was Cody. They nodded back, nudging Kevin excitedly before speaking up.

“This’ll be a fun game. Better if Jeremy wasn’t so stubborn in making us play with the same amount of players as you Foxes, but he was certain of it. Also, your other striker, Sheena, how the hell does she keep her piercings in for games?”

Kevin looked down at Cody, noticing small balls around the nose and lips. Kevin stood hands on hips and his racquet under his arm.

“She tapes every single one down. Looks scarier that way, I think it intimidates the backliners sometimes.”

Cody’s lips formed a thin line and they nodded, looking over at Sheena who was currently taping her face.

“She has cool hair too.”

Kevin only nodded in agreement, not particularly a fan of the small talk. They both turned to pay attention as the refs asked them to prepare themselves. Kevin felt awake, alive. The remnants of his earlier vodka had worn off, which he was a little sad about, but locking into this game was the perfect distraction.

It was a wonderfully fun first half. Despite both teams taking the game itself very seriously, and playing as hard as ever, every check, mistake, trip up ended in jokes and laughter between the teams. Kevin wasn’t a particular fan of their musings, but let it slide in lieu of how strained the Foxes were making themselves to win.
It was an exquisite game to begin with, everyone enjoying themselves, thrust into the pure, chaotic energy of the game. Everyone except Jean and Jack.

The two, Kevin quickly realised, both had a very predatorial personality on the court. And they crashed hard. But Dan and Wymack’s play came to fruition – Jack and Jean were too busy scuffling on court, and the Foxes ended up 2 points up on the Trojans in the first half. Within the last five minutes, Jack seemed very over Jean’s overtly aggressive checks and hard ball snatches. He straight up threw his racquet at Jean, who seemed none too willing to catch it with his other hand as if it was nothing. He held onto both and smiled charmingly as Jack threw a punch. Jean took it without a flinch, and Kevin went cold at that.

Kevin and Cody got to the pair first – Jean still letting Jack punch, shove, hit him. Jean remained upright, not bothering to fight back. Jack leaned in on his last hit, clenching Jean by his chest pads, whispering to him.

Whatever was said, sent Jean into such a fury that Jean dropped both his and Jack’s racquets, and decked Jack. Jean punched him directly in the chest, moving forward and then throwing him onto the ground. He sent him down so hard Jack had to gasp for air. Jean went on his knees then beside Jack to keep going, but Kevin grabbed Jean, shaking his head.

“Jean – he is not fucking worth it. Don’t.”

He felt Jean trembling, not with rage, but fear. He knew it as soon as he saw Jean’s face – it was white, pupil’s dilated, and so far from this moment he thought he was gone. Jack’s gasping turned into horrible laughter as Cody dragged Jack back from Jean, Jeremy yelling and sprinting over. He skidded down beside Jean and Kevin, and his eyes widened when he saw Jean’s face.

“Jean? Look at me.”

Kevin still held Jean, as he knew he would go straight back to throttling Jack if he let go. He watched as Jean turned slowly, robotically at Jeremy’s command.

Jeremy frowned deeply at the expression Jean wore, gently looping a couple of fingers through the grate of his helmet, placing his other hand on Jean’s arm.

“We’ll talk about this later. Do you need to swap out? We have 3 minutes left.”

Jeremy looked up as the refs came closer, and bayed them to stay away a moment and let him sort it. The refs trusted Jeremy, so they let him do what was needed. Jean stared at Jeremy, desperately trying not to drown in whatever it was Jack said to set him off. Kevin knew Jean wouldn’t go off the court, predictably shaking his head at Jeremy’s question. Jeremy let go of the helmet and gently squeezed Jean’s arm, and Kevin helped him back up. They took back their racquets, as the refs gave Jack a yellow card for starting the fight. Kevin watched Jack’s cruel face light up gleefully, and Kevin felt himself snapping. He moved forward to Jack, grabbing him by the neck and gripped on tight.

“What the fuck Kevin – fuck off –”

Kevin leaned in beside Jack, their helmets touching and lowered his voice. Kevin let the dangerous, barely leashed rage he currently held roil onto Jack, who stilled a little and simply stared at Kevin.

“I will find out what you said. And I will punish you for it. If you fuck with Jean one more time during this game, you will be off this team. By my hand. And I will make sure you never play Class I again. That is a fucking promise. I am losing patience at your insolent behaviour. Cut it out, or I will make you. Am I clear?”

Jack remained silent, and Kevin thought it might be having the desired effect, but Jack only smiled, slowly reaching a gloved hand up to salute him.

“Sure thing, Master Day.”

He slipped out of the clenched throat grip, and Kevin let him. KHe rolled his neck a little, biting a response. Later issue, he reminded himself. Later.

He moved back beside Cody, who frowned in concern. Kevin shook his head, as if to say not to worry. They played the last 3 minutes, and it was fairly uneventful, the score remaining 4-2 the Foxes’ way.

Wymack beckoned his Foxes off and to the change rooms, his face twisted in annoyance. An odd look on a coach whose team was winning, but Kevin knew the source of that look was Jack. Kevin was last in, and stilled when he felt someone grab his shoulder, pulling him back into the hallway. He twisted to see Jeremy, and almost flinched at the fury lining his face.

Whatever Jack said must have been bad, if Jeremy’s shine was replaced with shadowy rage.

“He said they’re coming. To take you all back. The Perfect Court. Kevin, why would Jack say that?”

Kevin thought he misheard. When Jeremy didn’t correct him, didn’t say it was a joke, he thought he was going to collapse. Jeremy seemed to realise and reached out to steady him, and Kevin clung onto him so tight he was sure he left bruises. Jeremy’s voice wasn’t level, his fists trembling. Kevin had never seen the captain so undone, so rattled before. The new information and his reaction was enough to nearly let Kevin go to bits.

Jeremy looked behind Kevin, where Wymack had come out, his eyes hard but concerned. He looked at Jeremy and Kevin, furrowing his brows.

“What did Jack say to Jean, Jeremy?”

Kevin panicked, and cut across Jeremy before he could reply.

“Nothing, Coach. Nothing we can’t deal with. I’ll come join you now. Go, Jeremy. We’ll talk after.”

Jeremy narrowed his eyes with uncertainty, but didn’t give away what he had told Kevin. The captain apologised politely to Wymack for holding Kevin up before jogging off back to his own team. Wymack eyed Kevin for a moment, before placing a hand on his shoulder to steer him back to the change rooms. The sound that greeted Kevin’s ears was grating, as Neil had descended on Jack, shoving him against the wall. Andrew watched with an amused glint, and Dan yelled at both Neil and Jack in frustration.

“Jack – why can’t you just fucking cooporate? You are acting like a wounded animal, some victim of this team. The only person doing that to you is yourself. I can’t have you representing our team like this. Neil – Neil, let go.”

She seemed to want to have her own way, but Neil just laughed, his eyes dangerously wild as he glared at Jack. Jack stared back with his chin held high, not even bothering to acknowledge anything that Dan had said.

“You don’t scare me, Josten. Wesninski. Whatever stupid fucking name you go by these days. This team is a joke, and Dan lets it be. None of you can even play properly against such a pathetic team. They lose for fun, what sort of a team does that? We should be annihilating them, and you morons are running around as if –”

The sentence didn’t finish, as Neil’s fist very quickly met with Jack’s chin in a quick, edged uppercut. He slammed him back against the wall, and when Wymack yelled for Neil to let go, he did, ensuring to throw Jack to the ground in the process. He coughed, and laughed, spitting blood at Neil’s feet. Neil squatted down, resting his elbows on his knees and tilting his head curiously as he watched Jack.

“It’s funny, watching someone so pathetic worm his way through life. You’re a fucking cockroach, Jack. You think you can survive bombs, fires, floods. But you can’t survive a simple boot.”

He stood slowly, going to kick him in the ribs, but Wymack quickly grabbed Neil and pulled him back. Jack burst out laughing, looking slightly delirious, shaking his head.

“Tick tock, this team is on borrowed time, Neil. Have fun surviving the rest of the season. I’ll see you on the other side.”

He stood, slowly, pushing blood from his mouth from biting his own tongue. Everyone watched in confused, stunned silence as he peeled off every bit of gear, his uniform included. He grabbed his bag, shoved on a plain shirt and pants, and stormed out without another word. Kevin couldn’t believe what he was hearing, watching. Neil let it happen with cool indifference. Kevin grabbed Jack’s arm right as he got a foot out the door, but Jack turned and violently slammed Kevin into the doorframe. Wymack started but Kevin held up a hand, letting Jack speak.

Only he didn’t yell or curse, he lowered his voice so dangerously quiet that Kevin had to crane his neck forward to hear.

“She’ll be lost to you in a few weeks. She’ll be nothing. Just you wait.”

He whisked himself out, and Kevin jolted back in confusion, eyes going wide. Amira. What did he know? Was he behind the letters? His chest constricted, and he couldn’t focus on the questions everyone threw at Wymack, the arguing, the anger.

Something black flitted at the corner of his eye, and Kevin inched his gaze to Riko standing in the corner of the room, cold smile and empty brown eyes snagging Kevin’s immediate attention.

“You always put your efforts into lost causes, don’t you Kevin? First Jean, Nathaniel… then you begged for that simpleton. Look at him, so easily getting under your skin. It was always thin though… bruising you was always like pushing a thumb into an eye. What punishment would be most suitable for you now? A blow to the hip… a racquet to the thighs? I always preferred smashing hard wood over your legs. The way you flinched, begged to stop before too much damage set in. You cried so much. How pathetic.”

Kevin couldn’t feel, couldn’t breathe as Riko slithered the edge of the room around the Foxes, encircling Nicky with utter disgust, then Neil with rageful discontent. He paused behind Amira with a crooked grin, and Kevin’s mind flashed to Eden’s, shadows and lights pulsating as she spoke to someone dangerously similar to him. Riko reached for her hair, pausing curiously when Kevin flinched. Licking his lips, he turned, slowly snaking his way to Kevin, his feet now rooted, blood rushing to his head. The edge of his vision started to blur, and then a warm hand was on his forearm, and soft browns and orange replaced his view of the choking black.

“Hey. You with us?”

Gold glasses materialised, the light glinting fragments into his vision. Blinking, he took Amira in who was studying him carefully. Clearing his throat, he gave a stiff nod and stepped away from her, shoving his trembling hands in his pockets and whipped his undivided attention back to Wymack.

The coach put two fingers in his mouth, blowing a deafening whistle, which quietened everyone else up immediately. Ignoring the curious look burning into the side of his head was hard, but Wymack checked to make sure they all had eyes for only him before opening his mouth.

“We do not have time for this drama. I will deal with it after the game. Get ready for the second half, do not argue with one another, do not argue with me. Go. Now.”

It was curt, and everyone stared, still reeling in what just happened. Andrew and Neil seemed to care the least, more happy that Jack was out of their hair than anything. But something was wrong. So, so wrong. Kevin didn’t have time to think – Coach was herding them out of the room, back to the court for the second half.

Amira jogged to Kevin, helmet swinging in her hand as Dan was playing the first half of this set. She furrowed her brows, pulling him a bit aways from everyone else. Kevin wasn’t playing the first half of this set, so he watched as Neil and Sheena jogged onto the court before turning his eyes to Amira. He wiped any sign of overthinking off his face, doing his best to not react to the worry etched in her brow.

“What did he say to you, Kevin?”

It was faint, concerned. Her eyes were wide, doe-like and he had to look away. He shook his head, folding his arms across his chest and stared at the court as the second half began. Trying to shovel Riko back away from his mind, he avoided Amira’s face at all costs. He knew she was asking about Jack, but couldn’t tell if perhaps she saw Riko too.

“Boring insults about my inabilities as a player. As if he hasn’t looked in the mirror.”

He snuffed, though Amira remained unconvinced. She stayed beside him the entire half, shoulder to shoulder. He wasn’t sure who needed the other’s sturdy presence more: him or her. But he was glad it was there, despite their earlier argument. As they watched on, the Trojans had managed to score 2 more goals by the time Amira and Kevin had to swap on – it was 4 all now. Kevin felt tense walking back onto the court, and he could tell Amira did too. The Trojan’s were angered at what had happened to Jean, and it showed.

Their checks were harder, their plays more aggressive and their movements more powerful. Kevin didn’t blame them. But the score ping ponged back and forth for the last quarter of the game. Kevin would score, then Ananya or Jeremy would. Then Neil would, then Jeremy or Ananya again.

Jean had come on for the last quarter as well, and was marking Kevin, so he had his work cut out for him. Jean’s sturdy, thick build was not something to be messed with on the court. He was surprised he refrained from killing Jack in the first half. Kevin was having a hellish time but also nostalgic. He suspected Jean felt the same, because every time Kevin escaped him, or Jean would snatch the ball, the other would huff in jealous frustration, constantly trying to outdo the other.

“Kevin – stop letting nostalgia dilute your skill to dogshit and quit playing like a donkey.”

Whipping towards Neil’s scathing tone, Kevin glared at the vice-captain’s quipped demand. Jean looked halfway between disgusted at Neil’s comment and laughing at Kevin being insulted. Amira and Xavier eyed one another and burst out laughing, to which earned a scowl from both Neil and Kevin.

“Are they always like this?” Xavier shook his head, leaning on his stick as the backliners reset for play. Amira’s helmet bobbed once, eyes bright behind her goggles.

“It’s normally worse. More flying fists and elbows and knees, you know?”

When she didn’t laugh, Xavier had the good grace to pretend it was a joke, eyes darting around as though surrounded by a bunch of nut cases.

Seething, Kevin demanded them to focus the same time Neil did, and the pair cut a scathing look to one another before the refs blew the whistle. Darting forward, Amira snagged the ball from Xavier but struggled outpacing him, quickly whipping the ball up to Kevin. Caught with ease, he started pacing to goal, keeping Neil in his peripheral, only to be held up short by Jean smashing into him sideways. He barely kept balance, and the ball popped free of his net, where Neil just scraped it up, Cat breathing down his neck. Jean had already left him, and Kevin scowled, hurrying to catch up to Neil.

Amira was there for support where Kevin had faltered, and shouldered the expectation of where Kevin was supposed to be, taking Neil’s throw and assisting him further towards their goal. She clocked it back to Neil, and he barely managed to catch it before Cat was barrelling her racquet against his, trying to wrestle it from him.

Jean reached the pair before Kevin could, and Neil swiped out desperately to get it away from him. Amira and Xavier were there, and Amira’s longer reach aided her in getting the ball, but with Xavier right next to her, she couldn’t keep it. Jean was everywhere it seemed, because even though Kevin caught Amira’s ball, he was one step before Jean was trying to wrestle the ball back once again.

“Come on Day, easier to give it over to me, no?”

Kevin’s lungs burned too much to jest, especially in French, but he wouldn’t let Jean lord that over him. “Unfortunately for you, Moreau, I don’t like losing.”

Sharply pulling a right in front of Jean, he smashed the ball through the air for a wall rebound, landing right where he knew Neil would be, and let a long breath out once Neil scored on Laila.

Jean swore in French, shoving Kevin half heartedly and walked away from him as Amira jogged over to Neil and hugged him proudly. Robin whooped from the other end of the court, barely heard over the groaning of the Trojans.

Neil patted Amira’s arm, stomping over to Kevin and whacked his arm. “Quit the chit-chat. You’re pulling each time you come into contact with him. He can handle it.”

Kevin barely had time to react as Neil walked back to his mark, working his jaw with a heated annoyance.

Despite Neil’s reservations, it felt great being back on the court with Jean again and not whilst he was on the Ravens. He could see the difference in how he played now, his restrained violence, evolving dirty tricks into legal checks. As the game went on, Kevin slowly let himself become more unrestrained as the score came to 9 all. But the last 5 minutes were a stalemate.

Robin was doing a great job at deflecting the Trojan’s attempts at scoring, but so was Laila at the Foxes’ end. Amira was brilliantly getting the ball off of the Trojan’s vice captain repeatedly, Xavier out of his league with the way Amira used her stick to steal balls. Yet, every time she got the ball to Kevin or Neil, Jean and Cat were on their asses, chasing, shoving, stealing. It got to the last minute, still a tie, and Nicky managed to successfully get the ball to Amira. She dashed, going 8 steps and went to twist over her throw to Kevin. But she misjudged the distance of her step and Xavier shoved her off balance. She dropped the ball and fell at his shove, and Xavier scooped the ball from her, throwing to Jeremy. Amira scrambled to her knees, but by the time she was back up, Jeremy had sprinted, shouldered Nicky and slammed the ball into the top right corner of the goal. It lit up, and the Trojans screamed with delight. Only 7 seconds later did the end game timer go off, and the stands roared in success at their USC winners. Cat screeched with delight, running to Jean and hugging him. He had a breathless, brilliant grin on his face, hugging Cat back. Jeremy clutched onto them, and eventually, so did the rest of the Trojans. They all laughed, cheered, piled on top of one another.

Kevin felt himself deflate, shoulders sagging and leaned on his racquet, trying to catch his breath from the intensity of the game. Envious disappointment rattled through his burning body, and immediately he began to list every flaw that had escaped him during the game. Restrained checks on Jean, side steps he should have taken, racquet checks he could have done. All of it would have turned the tide of the game, surely, if he hadn’t been so terrible.

It was their first loss of the season – the responsibility of it almost made his knees buckle, but he lifted his gaze across the court, where Jean was being smothered. Cat had her arms around his waist and was lifting him with a grunt, and two younger boys danced in circles around him – distantly, Kevin remembered they both had the same name. Above it all, Jean actually had something of a smile on his face – lost in the intense joy of his team mates. Never had he seen Jean look so comfortable around other people. It made Kevin’s chest lurch, but watching him finally have this… love and care, made the loss slightly tolerable.

He glanced at the other Foxes, and saw Nicky standing in front of Amira, who was still on her knees, now sitting back on her heels. Kevin inched his way forward, Nicky’s face screwed up in sympathy. He nodded at Amira, her watery eyes shimmering, staring at the goal. With bottom lip jutted out, she seemed as though she was holding in more than just tears.

Kevin frowned, shoving his own self-hating reservations aside and squatting in front of her. Peeling off his own helmet, he pushed his sweaty hair out of his eyes and flicking a hand in front of Amira, demanding she take hers off too. Blinking rapidly, she tugged it off along with her goggles and he grabbed her chin, instantly stilling her. Her earlier speech rattled in his brain. They weren’t children now, but both of their childhoods had been robbed, one way or another. It was him blindfolded, leading the confidence of the Foxes with nothing but black shadows clouding his sight, but at the end of the day it’s what he came to this team to do. Argument or not, he wasn’t going to have her ridiculous tears spill on the court.

“This won’t be the last time we lose a game. Don’t waste tears on the inevitable. You made a mistake. Just learn from it, and don’t do it again. Got it?”

She sniffled, eyes wide and focussed on him. With a slow bob of her head, he let go, watching her rub her knuckles into her eyes to smush away the tears.

Despite their earlier situation, he wasn’t feeling quite awful enough to lash out at her about it. Jumping thuds landed nearby and he craned his head up to look at an ecstatic Jeremy.
Kevin’s own smile was slow and brilliant, but he couldn’t help it, only mildly annoyed at how contagious Jeremy’s was. When Jeremy held out a hand, Kevin took it, letting himself get pulled to his feet, clapping Jeremy on the back. The captain pulled him into a bone crushing hug, and Kevin struggled to return it with the same enthusiasm. At least admiration for the Trojans covered Kevin’s harsh inner criticisms of his own performance. Jean waltzed over a second later, but rather than addressing his team or the Foxes, he squatted in front of Amira.

Breathless but overjoyed, he tilted his head, reaching forward and tapped her feet.

“Looks like you still have studying to do, Amira. You play very well. Do not be disappointed by this loss. It will not be the last, if I can help it.”

Amira stared up at Jean, blinking away further tears, before a faint laugh suddenly escaped her lips. Jean stood, a bit of a twinkle in his eyes, and took both of her hands as he did, pulling her back to his feet. He reached forward, tapping her between the brow gently.

“Tears make the court slippery and you look like a baby seal. Keep them in.”

With an obedient nod, she quickly wiped her eyes and gave Jean a sudden hug. Kevin tensed, as did Jeremy, unsure how Jean would react to that. But ever so slowly, Jean enveloped her in his arms, patting the top of her head. Nicky snorted then and broke the tense air.

“You ex-Ravens are so weird about hugs and friendship. Kevin still can’t even say that we’re his friends you know –”

Kevin punched Nicky in the arm the same time Jean threw an impatient glare. That made Jeremy laugh, and Jean cut a wide eyed glance at Jeremy, as if to soak in that sound. Swallowing the bitter taste on his tongue, Kevin let out a slow breath as the Trojans and Foxes huddled around one another.

Despite the deflated Foxes, they still were immensely happy that the loss was to the Trojans, and not another team. Both teams did a jog around the court together as the crowd cheered at the unison, the sportsmanship, the friendship. It warmed Kevin – this kind of cheering was a breath of life, a warm hug in a sport stained by violence and judgement. He wished they had it more often.

Eventually, the refs beckoned everyone off court, and Kevin was dragged by Dan to do a post game interview. He let Dan lead it, but he knew she would rather not when they started to ask about Jack. The reporter was probing for information on his whereabouts, the halftime drama, but Kevin cut in so Dan wouldn’t have to deal with his rude questioning.

“It’s an internal matter now that is being investigated by Coach Wymack, and will be addressed accordingly as required. Do you have any good questions to ask?”

The reporter paused awkwardly, clearing his throat before continuing with his next question.

“Amira Choundury – that last minute fumble cost Palmetto the game, when it could have gone to a shootout. How do you deal with that type of incompetence? Your new players don’t seem to be adjusting to the Fox way of life, it seems?”

Kevin felt Dan grab his hand, and she squeezed with an anger that he too felt. He squeezed back gently to advise he would take it, and she relaxed a little, but didn’t drop his hand. Everything in him screamed to agree, to add to the criticism, because lord knows she shouldn’t have done it. But his mind went back to what Andrew had said to Amira, and the acute prick of that knife in his back made him retract his usual cold analysis into another version of the truth.

“It was a simple error, not an irreversible, unworkable one. Every player makes mistakes every game, otherwise, there is no game. You play off of other people’s mishaps. As is with every game ever. So to answer your question, there was no incompetence. Amira is brilliant, and –”

He paused himself, unsure whether or not he should be doing such an endorsement. It felt like the right thing to say, because it was an easy truth. It would also deter the reporters from asking about Jack, so he pressed on at their eager, expectant stares. “ – one of the best new players in the Class I division. Coach Wymack’s choice in recruitment was no mistake. And I am personally making sure of it.”

The reporter twitched at that, and Kevin smiled sweetly as even more questions were spewed forth, and Dan side eyed him before continuing to answer queries.

Once done, they both rushed to the changeroom to avoid any more reporters, most of the team now showered and watching the screen in the changeroom. The channel was showing the reporter that Kevin and Dan had just been speaking to. Amira grinned, hopping forward and grabbed Kevin’s face, pulling him into a sudden hug. A statue under her warmth, he didn’t miss the way Neil’s eyes studied him with utmost curiosity, Andrew narrow eyed gaze. He ignored it in lieu of Amira resting her chin on his shoulder, tilting her head sweetly against his.

“The real Kevin would have straight up said I was shit, but thank you for not doing that on live television.”

She turned and left to the changerooms without any further input and Kevin forgot how to breathe. He blinked, and Dan burst out laughing. Matt walked up and smacked Kevin’s cheek a few times.

“Earth to Kevin, are you there? Should we be concerned? You’re never gracious. What’s the cost and why can she afford it?”

Kevin scowled and went to shove Matt, who ducked and darted out of reach, Allison howling with laughter. Kevin stomped off to the change rooms at that, resisting the urge to burrow the side of his head into his shoulder.

So full of confusion did he feel, so incredibly drained by the array of things that had occurred, that all he really wanted was to pass out. But with the Foxes on the West Coast for one night only, he knew Jeremy and the Trojans would not miss an opportunity to host an all out blast with the Foxes. What a day it had been – and what a night it was going to be.

Chapter Text

Jack hadn’t returned to the hotel room that evening.

His bags were gone from his room. The staff advised he simply walked off, didn’t even call a cab. All of Wymack’s calls to him went unanswered. He tried Palmetto, Jack’s parents, Bee as well, and no one knew. Apparently Jack’s mother showed little concern and said not to contact her about the situation again. The only indication that the rogue was alive at that point was that he had sent Wymack a text message saying he was breaking his contract with the Foxes.

Coach rarely let his frustrations take the lead over his concern for the Foxes, but that night Kevin saw a stiffness in his father he hadn’t seen since Seth died. Wymack hated when he couldn’t help someone – guide them to be better versions of themselves, utilise the second, third, fourth chances he thought they deserved.

The Foxes were readying for a night out at the Trojan’s campus, not particularly caring for Jack’s disappearance the way that their coach was. Amira had made time to help cover up his neck again, in a silence so thick, Kevin wanted to put his own fingers down his throat just to spew out the stillness. Amira was wallowing from the game loss, their awkward encounters from earlier that day, and Kevin was following her lead. He felt no desire to be resolute, so as soon as she was done, she slumped off without another word.

The Foxes mulled about in the foyer a couple of hours after the game, and Kevin didn’t miss the way Dan’s shoulders sagged in relief, the sharp satisfaction in Neil’s eyes at Jack’s leaving. Yet, they all had to watch Wymack unravel, furiously texting on his phone. Abby’s attempts at reassurances were feeble. She knew Jack wasn’t coming back. They all did.

It was Renee who brought a gentle clarity to Coach, who seemed to ease off a little on his rapid investigation.

“Not everyone wants to be helped, Coach. Some people prefer to just thrive in their pain, let themselves mould and become poisonous weapons. You can’t control that. If Jack wants to save himself, he will, but it’s not on you at the end of the day.”

Dan nodded in agreement, piping up as she stood behind Renee, adding little beaded plaits to her hair.

“She’s got a point. Some people can’t be pulled back from the edge. They just prefer falling.”

Wymack cocked a brow in silent agreement, staring at them a moment before closing his eyes, sighing. Abby placed a hand on his shoulder, and Kevin glued his focus to the way her fingers dug in, anchoring him.

“Take care of each other tonight. You are still representing Palmetto whilst you’re out, so keep that in mind. Go, Jeremy’s here.”

Kevin turned to where Jeremy had pulled up with his team’s bus, and the Foxes all waved farewell to Abby and Wymack. They piled onto the bus, Kevin dangling his half drunk bottle from earlier in the day at his side.

Kevin noticed Jean and Cat missing, Laila beaming and greeting everyone as they came aboard. Jeremy immediately sought out Kevin, and he shrivelled inside at the obvious worry etching the other man’s face. Following Jeremy down the back, much to the booing dismay of the Foxes, Kevin stole the window seat and turned away as Jeremy lowered his voice.
“Anything on Jack?”

Kevin pressed his lips into a thin line and shook his head, bringing the bottle to his mouth and resting it there before taking one long swig. “MIA. Not answering calls or texts. Took all of his stuff from the hotel and just disappeared. Good riddance.”

Jeremy swore beneath his breath, eyeing Kevin carefully as he pushed his hands through bleached hair then over his exhausted face. “What do you think he meant by –”

“It won’t happen Jeremy. It won’t. It can’t. We cannot be taken back, because we are not anyone’s to own.” Except they were Ichirou’s. But Jeremy absolutely did not need to know that. He side eyed the captain, frowning at his nail biting.

“I don’t – know how to reassure Jean that we won’t let anything happen to him. We have all these safety mechanisms in place and what not but I just… can’t shake the feeling that I can’t protect him enough.”

Kevin felt writhing worms in his stomach at the idea of having to talk about this, especially with Jeremy. But hearing the desperation, how lost and insecure he felt made Kevin almost sick. Swallowing and savouring the burning liquid in his hand, he closed his eyes and tilted his head back against the chair.

“It’s not about protection with Jean. He knows how to fight. You can’t do anything there. It’s about making him feel safe. Being reliable, trustworthy, consistent. You are all those things and more Jeremy. Close to perfect, remember?”

A long sigh left the captain, and Kevin felt the shift of the seat as Jeremy plopped his head back on the chair beside Kevin. “You are weirdly good with words.”

An involuntary snort left him at that, and he rolled his eyes beneath closed lids. “It’s just telling people what they want to hear.”

Jeremy let silence wash between them, instead soaking in the excitable chatter occurring around the bus, the laughter and clinking of glasses and cans, cars zooming by outside, traffic somehow constant and irritating.

“I think you mean what you say as well, Kevin. You are more thoughtful than you give yourself credit for.”

That sent an uncomfortable shiver down his spine, and he hadn’t realised he had been holding his breath until the space beside him felt empty and cold. Letting it out, he finally reopened his eyes and looked up at Nicky now standing beside his seat, hand out demandingly.

“Hog. Come on.” Snatching the vodka from his hands and scampering up the aisle, Kevin scowled and magnetised wherever his precious liquid went. Nicky had slumped down in his seat, Dan and Jeremy in front of them, Neil and Andrew behind. Groaning, he sank beside Nicky, watching him sip from his bottle before snatching it back and taking another mouthful.

“So, Jeremy – how many fun options do I have to look forward to tonight? Indulge me.”

Nicky grinned as Jeremy laughed from where he sat up front, and Dan turned back in her seat, smirking at Nicky.

“Nicky, can’t you focus on being wingman for our single Foxes tonight? I can’t be bothered. They hate it when I do it.”

Neil poked his head between Kevin and Nicky’s seat so he could look at Dan, a playful smile on his face. Kevin wished to be as far from this conversation as possible, but Nicky and Dan kept sipping his vodka, so he was rooted wherever the bottle was. Neil tapped Nicky on the head with a big smile.

“Bets on who Nicky can get a hookup for first tonight?”

Kevin pretended to not exist as Nicky grinned mischievously, rubbing his hands together like a scheming fly.

“Ah Neil, you are so much more fun when you bet. Yes, sounds fantastic. I’ll put 10 on Sheena.”

Dan scoffed, shaking her head and tilted her head to where Amira was sitting. She was with Matt, where Amira sat on her knees in her seat, helping Aubrey to tie a secure knot in his bandana. “Mine’s on Amira. I think tonight’s the night for it – she’s refused every opportunity I have given her, but I just think tonight will be it. What about you, Kevin?”

Kevin watched Amira as she smiled, chatting happily with Matt & Aubrey. Allison had done her hair all pretty with a curled ponytail and stuck little gems in her hair that glinted under the light. Kevin then had the sudden thought of her making out with someone tonight, and his stomach shrivelled into a black venomous blob.

He shrugged indifferently, taking back his vodka and chugging for a few long seconds. Savouring the burn, he closed his eyes and tilted his head back against the chair.

“I’ve got better things to do with my time.”

Dan cocked a brow, glancing at Neil and Nicky before pointing a finger on Kevin’s forehead.

“No Kevin, you don’t. Not tonight. Maybe you need to be added into Nicky’s wingmanning game.”

“She has a point. God knows you need to be unstrung, you uptight prick.” This came from Nicky, and Kevin flicked him in the forehead, causing Neil to snigger. Nicky raised a hand to whack back at Kevin but thought better of it at the last second, instead twisting in his seat so he could look down the bus. Cupping his hands around his mouth, he began to yell at Amira.

“AMIRA! Please provide an avid description of your type for tonight’s wingmanning by yours truly! I promise fabulous results!”

Matt snorted back laughter, Aubrey blushing at the scandal of the topic, tilting his chin up to look at Amira who was standing behind his seat. Kevin couldn’t help himself and peaked his eyes over the top of his seat as everyone looked back down at her.

She raised a brow at Nicky, her chin wrinkling as she did a down tilted smile. She twined her arms around Aubrey from behind and rested her chin atop his head in consideration. “Mr Hemmick, I fancy you dearly but I don’t want to be wingmanned tonight. Or wingwomaned.”

She gave Dan a curt brow raise, making the Fox captain pout in offence. Nicky waved his hands theatrically about his head. “Whatever you say. But indulge me anyway. Be vain, I want looks not personality.”

Tapping her hands against Aubrey’s chest in thought, Matt craned his head to her, just as curious for the answer. She pursed her lips for a moment as heat creeped into her face before speaking, slow and considering. “Well Nicky, personality is very important to me. But in line with your request for vanity, for which I am not familiar… I suppose tall, my height already makes me feel not so… feminine. Though, what is femininity really? Eyes that you can get lost in. Hair that somehow looks good no matter what. Freckles… I have an affinity for freckles...”

Nicky only groaned, facepalming as Dan smiled adoringly at their dealer. Kevin watched her then, chest erratic and uneven at her comments. Some odd, melting feeling coursed through him, and he quickly turned back around and down more vodka as Nicky complained. “That’s so nice. Fine. Do you prefer boobs or ass on your women?”

Amira burst out laughing at that, covering Aubrey’s ears as he blushed even harder. “You offend our sweet dealer, Nicky. But to answer your question… I think ass.”

Allison perked up instantly and popped up like a meerkat in the opposite aisle. “I knew I’d seen you checking out my bum.”

Matt cackled at that, Nicky raising a brow thoughtfully. The sound of Amira’s chuckle washed through Kevin’s chest before she replied. “I’m taking inspiration, that’s all.”

Cheeky and soft, Allison snickered and sank back down in her seat. Long, long night ahead.

About 10 minutes later, Jeremy pulled up on campus. It was a very bricky, widespread space, but Kevin liked the clean simplicity of it – it was casual, inviting. It was a lived in space, somewhere where no matter who you were, you felt welcome. The breeze that night was a little on the colder side, so when they stepped off the bus the wind nipped at their heels. Jeremy worked to lead them to the key sport campus dorms.

“I don’t actually live on campus, I live with Laila, Cat and Jean nearby. But most of our team does, so this is where we’ll be partying tonight.”

He grinned as he led them all to a large dormitory. The walls were high and yellow, covered in plaques, images of old classes and students, banners and college memorabilia. Someone had hung balloons and streamers in celebration of the Trojans’ win. Although Kevin thought it was odd to be invited to the winning team’s party, Jeremy assured them all that the Foxes were keenly expected. Other students were excited to meet them, so they had prepared for an ambush when they arrived. And an ambush it was.

The dorms had a large common area that took up the majority of the first floor. It was filled with chairs, lounges, large wooden tables and study nooks. There were shelves lining the walls, a pool and foosball table at the rear. There was the clash of dozens of student personalities in one room, there was clattering of stripes, patterns, bright images, abstract paintings, odd sculptures. Someone had hung a disco light on the ceiling, which was currently spinning. And for such a large, airy room, it was packed to the brim with students.

Most of them wore USC colours or clothing, and there were sights to see in every direction. Kevin saw people downing drinks, couples making out, groups playing beer pong, spin the bottle, and just about every possible irresponsible thing under the sun.

“This is fantastic!”

This was Dan, who clapped as Jeremy led them through the crowd to where most of the Trojans sat on a group of couches they had dragged into a huge circle. Most were on the seats, but some lay on the ground or on arm rests. They cheered as the Foxes arrived, and Cat stood up, holding up a cup.

“To our defeated dearest, thank you for losing and for coming to celebrate your loss with us! Ouch – Jeremy – okay yes, yes I won't be rude. Seriously, we love you guys so much, thank you for coming!”

Renee laughed and thankfully took a drink from Cat as she started to pour one out for all of the Foxes. They had a collection of spirits and drinks on the table, much to Kevin’s relief. Getting unbelievably wasted was a necessity tonight.

For most of the afternoon, all Kevin could think about was what Jack said to Jean. There was no way he, Jean & Neil could go back to the Nest – it just could not happen. Wymack wouldn’t let it, Jeremy wouldn’t let it. Kevin wouldn’t let it. He certainly couldn’t let that happen to Jean or Neil again.

His mind had been racing through every possible scenario. On top of that, he still had Amira’s letters to deal with. The poem and image of her father haunted him every evening. He continually scoured the internet and news reports for updates, any new information on him, but it was radio silence.

Amira had received the letters every week since she had told him, Kevin instructed her not to open them. Instead, she gave them to him in classes, trading the broken pieces of herself to him for his mental bodyguarding of her terrible memories. And he burned them to nothing. Because she didn’t need to relive those horrors over and over.

He had clearly zoned out in his jumbled thoughts, because a Trojan player had approached him, introducing herself keenly. Kevin wiped his face and put on his media smile, engaging politely in the small talk. Other Trojans joined in, and he let them be a distraction to his thoughts. It wasn’t exactly what he wished he was doing currently. He would rather have been alone, drinking in peace and quiet. But where there were Foxes and parties, there was fun to be had yet.

Kevin couldn’t help his eyes wandering to Amira’s whereabouts every now and then. She had a drink in hand, and was happily engaged with Cat and Laila. She twisted side to side as she spoke, ringing the ends of her hair through her fingers over and over again. Always fiddling, always moving. He hadn’t realised someone had asked him a question until he was tapped on the shoulder. He turned back, shaking his head as one of the Trojans, Cody, repeated their question.

“Kevin – man are you smashed or what?”

That made everyone laugh, and Kevin shrugged and nodded, going along with it. He felt more distracted than drunk at this point in time, but he let it go.

“I asked, you know, star player and all, if you could choose anyone on your team to hook up with, who would it be?”

Kevin shook his head in disbelief that he had somehow been added into this conversation, and he sipped his drink before speaking.

“A Fox? They’re all psychotic, none of them?”

Too many unruly ideas came to mind. That made them all burst out laughing, and when he had the chance, he slipped away, trying to find a Fox. He needed silent solitude with them, where they wouldn’t care if he spoke or not. He kept moving until he found Matt, who was on the dancefloor with Jeremy. The pair were jumping around to a rap song, and looked beyond elated. Kevin didn’t feel like joining that. He glanced in relief when he saw Jean, who stood on the outskirts. He wasn’t a Fox, but it would do. He approached Jean then, who had a glass of water in hand, and Kevin rolled his eyes. Of course Jean was drinking water at a college party. Idiot.

Kevin leaned against the wall beside Jean, who nodded in silent greeting. The pair stayed there for a short while, in comfortable silence. Atleast, Kevin thought it was comfortable. He glanced at Jean, and Jean looked at him. Jean furrowed his brows judgmentally at Kevin’s nearly empty vodka bottle, and Kevin returned the look at the water.

“Water at a party Jean, really?”

Jean rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the dancefloor, which Kevin realised had actually not been on the dancefloor, but Jeremy, the whole time.

“You lost because of this ugly drinking habit you have gained, you weak-minded fool.”

Kevin huffed a laugh, Jean’s same old French superiority a constant reminder that Jean was – well, Jean. They stayed silent a while longer, and Kevin suspected that Jean was thinking about the same thing he was.

“Wymack can’t get in touch with Jack. He’s gone MIA. He basically broke his contract over text with him as soon as he left the stadium today.”

Jean bit his lips and nodded slowly, craning his neck and pushing a hand through his hair. “He is… not right. Something about him is not right.”

Kevin only nodded in agreement, sighing and putting his empty bottle down on a table. He picked up another bottle that was sitting there, which looked cheap and shitty, but Kevin didn’t care. He moved back to Jean’s side, his mind racing. He didn’t want to talk about Jack. It turned sour in him, making him ponder on all the current issues Kevin was facing that were scratching at the surface for his attention. He tried to turn his mind to exy instead.

“Your win today was great. Your playing style is um… different. But definitely improved, more you.”

He felt Jean’s eyes on him, but he didn’t bother to look back. He kept his eyes on the fluttering disco lights, and let the mesmerising movement of blinding specs try to distract his racing thoughts.

“More me. Hmm. It has been difficult to undo everything that I know. It is like taking apart myself, cell by cell. Then redesign. Rebuild. Replace. It is exhausting to try not be so… broken.”

Kevin breathed, forcing himself to slow his racing heart. It was so acutely how he felt – that terrifying feeling of jumbling bits of himself into working order. That if he didn’t keep everything in order, every rageful, broken bit of him would escape and destroy everything he had tried to make of himself. Kevin struggled in self-expressing the more blackened parts of himself. So instead, they stood in silence again, to avoid speaking of their deadened existences.

Amira popped out of the crowd in front of them, her eyes wide. She held her camera on a wrist strap and lifted it, snapping a picture of Jean and Kevin as they sipped their drinks. She laughed a bit at the scene before her, pushing long strands of hair off her face and scuttled up to the pair, crouching down between them and putting her back against the wall. She hugged her knees, and glanced up at the two of them.

“Nicky is trying to feed me to random people for the sake of his bet. It is not fun. He is very determined.”

She seemed breathless from running, and Jean slid a hooded look at Kevin before down at her, patting the top of her head.

“Poor loutre, too pretty for her own good.”

She stared confusedly at Jean, and Kevin snorted at his comment. Amira pursed her lips to the side and tapped Jean’s leg.

“We don’t all speak coloniser here, please translate.”

Kevin shrugged, cocking his brows, and Jean tried not to look offended. “It just means otter. Makes sense really.”

Amira glanced at them, unsure if she should be flattered. Her shoulders sagged as Nicky appeared, hands on hips and shaking his head.

“Amira, I had the most lovely gentleman interested in you after seeing you play today, and you dart away like a little fly! Let me wingman you!

He crouched down in front of her, and Amira shook her head, still hugging her knees.

“Nicky – no. I really don’t – not right now. Give me about 5 more drinks and I probably won’t care, but please ease up for now. Still um… adjusting to hook up culture.”

The last parts came out a lot quieter, and Nicky flinched, suddenly guilty.

“Sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

“You rarely do, Nicky.” Kevin frowned at Nicky, who rolled his eyes at Kevin and turned, walking back off onto the dancefloor. Amira sighed in relief, standing up slowly, plastering a weak smile on her lips.

“I had an actual reason for coming over here, apart from hiding. Dan wants a Fox photo. May I take Kevin off your hands for a moment, Jean?”

Jean nodded, finishing off the last of his water.

“You can. He is boring company, so good luck.”

Jean left without another word, Kevin not even having the chance to defend himself. Amira bit back a smile, grabbing Kevin’s hand and began to drag him around the room. His eyes widened at the second hand nature, and he cleared his throat, pulling it back out of hers. She turned back at him, a little uncertain.

“I don’t particularly feel like being in an awkward mood with you. I apologise for pushing so hard before.”

Blinking away the sharp, popping lights reflecting off the disco ball, he shrugged and kept walking, now in front of her if only to avoid eye contact. “Why do you feel the need to?”

It felt like a reasonable question. Really, he knew he knew the answer, but her reply had him stopping short.

“You pour so much of yourself into bettering everyone around you. Albeit in a… questionable manner, with a rude ass attitude. But I don’t see anyone doing it in return.”

She paused beside him, her arm brushing his, and made the mistake of turning his head to face her. Allison seemed to have glittered her up for the evening, so the bounding balls of light fluttering around the room made her a star in the whirling, complex scene around them. Biting his tongue, he quickly averted her searching eyes and kept going.

“I don’t need it.”

Scathing and curt, it had no effect on her persistence.

“You sure about that?”

Working his jaw, he flashed her one last warning look and held up a hand. “If you keep going I will leave.”

Twitching her nose, she rubbed it and sighed, looking away to argue internally. Giving in, she switched topics as they pushed through the crowd.

“Are you going to smile for the photo? Or do that same face you always do?”

She turned back to him as she walked, and mimicked a neutral expression, brows slightly raised, chin high, jaw clenched. Kevin hated how accurate it was, his lip twitching as he tried not to incidentally replicate it.

‘’I do not look like that.”

“You absolutely do. If you weren’t such a pretty boy, it would be more insufferable than it already is.”

She turned away at that, started dragging him by his hand again. He sipped his vodka at her comment, unsure if he should respond, but he did anyway.

“You think I’m pretty?”

She didn’t look back, and Kevin suspected it was to avoid stroking his ego.

“Maybe 5%. But 10% when you smile.”

Kevin scowled, Amira chuckling, letting go of his hand as again they reached the other Foxes. She did a quick check of her handiwork on his neck that she had done before they had come, giving a quick nod to confirm his bruises were still covered. His fingers twitched when she left, that gentle warmth instantly gone, and he shoved his hand in his pocket to bury the emptiness.

Dan stood before the Foxes on a couch, waving her hands around, beckoning Amira to hand over her camera.

‘’Okay Foxes, gather around – dear Laila is going to do a couple team snaps for us! Squish up, squish!”

She grinned as she jumped off the couch, stepping in front of Matt. He stood at the back, as was the law with photo taking and tallest people. He wrapped an arm around Dan’s neck, resting his head atop hers. Renee, Allison, Itzel and Sheena were in front, and had decided to hold Robin horizontally in their arms, who rested herself up on her elbow, chin in hand. Aaron and Andrew stood beside them, with Neil a bit behind Andrew, his arm wrapped around his shoulders. Aubrey let Matt pull him over next to him, and Nicky pulled Kevin next to him, Kevin groaning as Nicky kissed his cheek drunkenly.

“Get your smile out Kev or Dan will skin you!”

Everyone laughed at that, and Kevin frowned stubbornly. He froze however, when Amira slid in beside him, wrapping an arm gently around his waist. With her heeled shoes, she was almost his height. She tilted her head and rested it on his shoulder, her ponytail flowing over his shirt and shoulders. It was so simple, so natural, and Kevin felt his tenseness melt away. He carefully put his arm around her shoulder, and she smiled, reaching up and grabbing his hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t forget, 10% pretty Kevin. For Dan.”

Kevin side eyed her, but felt himself wanting to listen. He had to be losing it if he was obeying the orders of someone else. But he smiled, not because he felt forced, but because she smiled 10 times brighter when he did. Laila snapped a few pictures, the flash more blinding than expected. When she said he was done, Kevin blinked the spotty blackness from his eyes, bringing his drink to his lips, tilting it back. However, before any met his mouth, another hand was on the bottle.

Amira had grabbed it, and gently pulled it back down from his lips.

“Can’t dance with a glass bottle on the dancefloor Kevin.”

She nodded to where Matt was now pushing as many Foxes as possible into the throng of sweaty, dancing college students. Kevin frowned distastefully, but let Amira take the bottle from his hands. As soon as it was out of his hands, Matt charged at Kevin and squatted, making Kevin get on his shoulders.

“Matt – fucking hell –”

“Kevin, shut up man, have fun with us for once.”

“You’re not giving me much of a choice.”

“Good!”

Kevin groaned, and the difference in observing the party from above was jarring compared. It was bobbing heads, swirling hands, kissing students, people throwing cans, balls, balloons. Kevin felt more removed from himself, his head and body, his clinging anxieties and worries left below. He bit his lips, resting his hands on his own legs for balance as Matt walked them to the other Foxes. Everyone was there, even Neil and Andrew which shocked them. They weren’t moving much, but Kevin saw Andrew hold Neil from behind, talking into his ear as the music thrummed. Neil was rolling his eyes at whatever Andrew was saying, but smirked nonetheless.

Kevin thought he would just need to sew them together at some point, it was more beneficial that way. Perhaps it would make them less irritating to deal with. Unlikely.

Kevin looked down at Matt yelling the current song, and bit back a smile. He turned, and raised an eyebrow as Jeremy had Amira on his shoulders. She looked perplexed by the situation and why she was up there, as much as Kevin had. She waved at Kevin, and Jeremy moved opposite Matt, the pair of them rapping the current song that was playing.

‘’It’s all very different from up here, isn’t it? I feel like a puppeteer.”

Kevin nodded, watching as she mouthed the words to herself, squeezing her eyes shut every time Jeremy moved around in quick succession. Kevin laughed as she looked more scared here than she did at the beach earlier that day. She groaned and begged Jeremy to still, Jeremy grinning and moving back to Matt. Wobbling a little, and Kevin whipped a hand out instinctively for her to grab onto. She held on tight, blinking and nodded in thanks.

He thought she would let go, but she didn’t. Instead, she linked her fingers slowly through his and held on even tighter. Kevin cocked a brow at her, and she glanced back, her bottom lip jutting out a little.

‘’Is this okay? I can let go –”

“No.”

Kevin didn’t want the warmth gone again. She blinked at his blunt response and only nodded. She looked down at Jeremy and Matt, who started stepping side to side to the beat of the song. Amira laughed, and eventually took Kevin’s other hand, bopping her shoulders side to side in time with Jeremy. She tapped her fingers rapidly against Kevin’s, singing the song to him as they swayed.

‘’Before the day I die, I'mma touch the sky…”

She raised both hers and Kevin’s hands at that, and Kevin slowly let himself flow into her movements. He moved his shoulders in time with hers and let a stubborn, drunken half-smile play on his lips at her singing, which she impressively knew every word along with Matt and Jeremy.

Kevin looked down at Renee, who was waving their attention. She had Amira’s camera, and Kevin smiled big as she took a picture of him, Matt, Jeremy and Amira. She did a thumbs up and kept moving around.

After the song finished, Matt and Jeremy let him and Amira down, and Matt hugged Kevin tight. He wasn’t drunk, but he was so immensely happy that even Kevin felt it. He groaned at the hug, forcing a frown so as not to let a smile come upon him.

“I love when you’re fun Kevin. Makes me want to hit you a little less every day.”

Jeremy cackled, and Kevin hit Matt in the stomach.

“The feeling is not mutual.”

Matt snickered, poking a tongue out before turning off to find Dan. Jeremy leaned in to say he was checking on Jean, and disappeared through the mass of bodies. Kevin looked over as it was just him and Amira. The other Foxes were still behind them, but they were separated by a wall of bodies. She stood in the throng of it all, her hair a beautiful mess around her, her skin speckling in the glow of the flashing disco lights. It was exquisite. The song slowed down to something more sultry, full of longing.

He made to leave, get another drink, but she put a hand out in offering. She blinked, bashful, but firm in what she was asking. Another silent question. He narrowed his eyes with uncertainty, staring at her offering palm. This was probably a bad idea. It was definitely a bad idea. But he found himself getting closer, instead of turning away. So close he could smell the gin and juice she had been drinking. Any inhibition to not make utterly stupid choices completely abandoned him.

He let her take his hand, and she moved closer, with fractionally more confidence and surety. It made him feel far more comfortable than he should have. Once he was right in front of her, she placed her hands on his chest, her eyes on his. Enshrouded in the gentle smell of her jasmine perfume, he gave a slight nod, and she gently slid them up, wrapping her arms around his neck. His skin prickled where her hands had been, and Kevin felt his stomach bubbling, hot and molten. He refused to acknowledge the feelings that were pooling in him, not wanting to ruin it. It took an incredible amount of force to act indifferent, collected, but his body betrayed him as the seconds ticked on. Slow and careful, he slid his hands on her hips, desire slithering dangerously in the pit of his stomach. They kept a small, courteous gap between them. But whether it was her or him enforcing it, Kevin couldn’t tell.

“When do you think you will be ready to address your drinking problem?”

Despite her inching herself closer until they were pressed together, Kevin stiffened in her arms as the song carried on.

“I will walk away –”

“No you won’t.”

Her eyes shone behind her glasses as she called his bluff, and reflected back at him exactly what he was thinking – no, he wouldn’t move away. He didn’t think he could. Irritation itched on his skin, and Kevin wished then that he could shed himself free of his poisonous self-deprecation. But there was something undeniably satisfying about controlling the knife as it twisted in his chest.

She sung softly beneath her breath, patiently waiting out his annoyance at her prodding. He watched her eyes gently close as she did.

Either got it, or you don't. You either stand, or you fall. When your will is broken, when it slips from your hand…

Kevin could have watched her for an eternity then. He let his chest rise and fall against hers, their faces so close her hair tickled him. She kept her eyes shut, and the alcohol pushed him to not let her accusations go.

“I won’t have you accusing me of falsities that you have no basis for.”

She swayed against him, and slowly, ever so slowly, her eyes fluttered back open. Letting her eyes rove over his face, she looked heart-achingly sad, her fingers tapping erratically against his neck.

“I have a whole foundation, bricks, cement, everything. I am not going to watch the most brilliant Class I player in history defame himself with something as wretched as an alcohol addiction.”

That last word clattered around in his brain, seeping into every crook and cranny of his weakened mind. His grip on her tightened a little, jaw working through how to not fall into a fit of offended rage.

No, you don’t mean nothing at all to me. But you got what it takes to set me free…

How were they so at war and peace? Swaying to the sultry music, his veins erratically pumping with anger at her constant prying. Despite that, he wanted nothing more than for this to stay as it was. To become frozen where they were, a relic in their momentary intimacy.

But time was not fair, and rarely was it so forgiving.

The song ended, and Kevin peeled himself back, a deep set frown on his face. Disassociated, her chest rose and fell unevenly as she stared at him. Widening the gap between them, she bowed her head with a shadowed, distant expression.

“Sorry.’’

She turned and left without another word, endless hair fluttering in her wake. Kevin stared at where she was, confused. The emptiness that flooded him almost knocked him out. Every hot, erupting feeling in him turned to cold nothingness. He pushed his hands over his face, groaning.

He needed a drink. At least a dozen of them. Turning and stumbling unevenly towards the outskirts of the dancefloor, he grunted at being grabbed by the arm and dragged away from the throng. Scowling at the mop of blond hair and black arm bands, he allowed Andrew to take him outside, where the goalie leaned against the brick wall of the building and lit a cigarette.

“You aren’t sleeping with her, so what are you hiding?”

Now motionless, Kevin felt everything in him drop to his feet. Andrew side-eyed him before turning his focus to staring at the campus. He should ask Andrew about his earlier comments, but he wasn’t giving Andrew a knife to twist into his drunk psyche right now was a fantastic idea. He did it anyway.

“Do you think I’m not good enough?”

It certainly wasn’t a sentence he had ever had to say out loud. His whole life, everyone had inflated his ego one way or another. Except Riko. But the ass kissing far outweighed Riko’s dogging of him. It was how he had stayed alive for so long. But hearing from Andrew that he wasn’t – cut deeper than he wanted to admit.

“You could barely look at me after what happened with Drake. What makes you think you can handle someone of similar complexity? You are simply too stupid.”

Kevin felt scratchy, hot discomfort crawl up his throat, and he felt his legs weaken at those words, at the memory. It was the fear that what had happened had been his fault. He should have been there to protect Andrew, have his back the way Andrew had his. Not used to failure, he could barely look at Andrew out of guilt. He simply tried to use exy to help distract Andrew, push him back on a path of focus and try untangle the passion he knew raged below surface level. He could not change the past, but he could at least try to help his future. He only wanted to be of aid, and instead he had been a nagging hindrance.

Kevin felt himself choked on emotion, so he averted his gaze and flicked a hand at his neck, feigning indifference. “I hurt myself. Amira was helping to cover the bruises.”

“Where?”

“Does it matter?”

The dangerous look Andrew turned on him was answer enough that he was not going to get away with half truths. Rolling his eyes, Kevin pointed to his covered up neck. Andrew leaned in close, narrowing his eyes and pushing Kevin’s head side to side. With a grunt, he shoved Kevin out of his space, tapping ash out on the ground before taking another drag.

“You are an idiot. Do not hide things from me.”

“I’m not under your jurisdiction anymore Andrew. You don’t get to dictate how I live my life.”

Andrew snorting crawled hot frustration beneath Kevin’s skin, and he folded his arms stubbornly. Tilting his head back to blow smoke, Andrew turned a knowing eye on Kevin.

“You do not know how to live otherwise. Your deal with Ichirou – if you risk any stupidity, like choking yourself to injury, that puts Neil in harm’s way. If you do that, I will break your other hand. Are we clear?”

Kevin kicked back off the wall and turned to face Andrew with his hands spread out. He wasn’t feeling confident, but he was over being dogwalked by Andrew.

“And if Neil does anything that endangers Jean, he gets the same treatment. Or Jean does something irrevocably unintelligent, same goes for him. Why did you commit to my protection in the first place if you can’t even call me your friend?”

Unspoken: Why don’t you trust me? Those words had been stewing on his brain all day, and Andrew clearly knew it by the way he flitted a cold smile across his lips. He took his time to respond, stubbing out his smoke once he was done with it.

“Because you don’t even understand what that term means, do you Kevin? You know how to demand and sulk and boss others around, but would any of the Foxes call you their friend? You can’t seem to call them yours. Pot calling the kettle black, no?”

Andrew waved a bored hand and walked back inside without another word, and Kevin had to grab the wall for balance. Letting his forehead hit the brick, he squeezed his eyes shut and counted to ten and back to zero in every language he knew. Hands digging into the concrete, he felt little pellets bury beneath each fingernail, the rough scrape of nail against a degrading surface. Each breath was shallow and empty, as if no oxygen was actually going in.

“He said I'd find you here.”

A cold glass suddenly pressed into the back of his neck, Kevin seething and buckling beneath the prickling iciness. Shoving himself back from the wall, he slapped a hand to the back of his neck and rubbed warmth back in.

Matt stood with one hand on his hip, sipping soda from the can he had just pressed to his skin, eyeing him up and down. Stepping away from Matt and facing out towards the campus, Kevin crossed his arms tight across his chest. “What do you want?”

He hoped it sounded cold, if only to be left alone in his stupid moping. But Matt wasn’t as easily deterred as he was last year by his off putting team mates. Something switched in him after Neil was taken… where he used to back off and give space, he still did so, but in a far slower fashion. Perhaps holding onto hope that people would start to utilise his reliability, instead of brushing it aside.

But Kevin did not deserve it. Perhaps Matt knew that, with the frown he gave Kevin, sour at his attitude. That reaction to Kevin’s existence would clearly never change between the two of them, but Matt stayed put.

“Thought you might want to join me on the dancefloor. You don’t dance as much as you used to.”

Rolling his eyes, Kevin turned his face from the backliner’s view, focussing instead on the sprawling campus instead. The way the street lamps illuminated the tall, reddish buildings, the translucent water spurting from a fountain with artistic statues, delicately carved marble. He imagined how smooth the stone might feel, smooth and polished between his rough hands. A large, warm one now gripped his shoulder, magnetising in warmth and sturdiness beside him. Slowly, ever so slowly, that hand became an arm around his shoulders, became Kevin leaning his shoulder into Matt’s chest, became the two of them listening to the thudding bass in the building behind them, the gurgling water pouring in the fountain in front of them, Kevin’s breaths no longer shallow but even and kempt.

Closing his eyes, swallowing the heavy shame of how desperately he clung to Matt’s warmth, he barely hid the flinch of the other man leaving him in his solitude, to once again drown in the shadows.

Chapter Text

“Do you have a plan for the Ravens game yet?”

Amira’s hot breath tickled Kevin’s neck as she leant in, close enough so that Neil wouldn’t be able to hear, but with enough distance to avoid suspicion. They were at a late night session with Neil, Andrew having opted out. Instead, he sat in the stands with propped up feet on the chairs in front of him, picking at his nails as he muttered Renee’s ear off on the other end.

Kevin’s stomach did its usual performance of attempting to twist in on itself, forcing him back from Amira’s proximity. Working his jaw, he shook his head and slated a blank stare at where Neil trudged around gathering balls. The Raven’s game had been slinking and snaking its way around his mind, squeezing tighter on his psyche every passing minute. Nothing suitable came to mind, no matter how long he spent tossing and turning and drinking through every scenario. And by suitable, he meant anything that Amira would be okay with.

The options came to him like this: each one logical, sensible, but as traitorous to Amira’s wishes and autonomy as the last.

First, he considered telling Andrew. It wasn’t so much about trusting the backliner as it was about knowing he would take action. Any Raven threat against the Foxes was a threat against Neil, and Andrew point blank would not allow it. Not again.

But Kevin also knew that Andrew’s reaction would be unpredictable, and likely result in Kevin being injured. Not that he couldn’t handle it. With Andrew knowing, he would likely let him take it too far, because in truth, he deserved it.

Besides, he promised Amira he wouldn’t drag the Foxes into it, so that option was wiped.

He’d thought about discreetly asking Bee for advice too, as she wasn’t technically a Fox. But he didn’t trust her not to alert Wymack if she came to the correct assumption about what was happening, and that would turn to shit.

His last option would make Amira hate him, but it was the smartest he could think of. He didn’t want to tell her, because he knew she wouldn’t agree. So he stewed on it, kept it to himself and hoped he could come up with something better by the time the game came around.

She watched him studiously before jogging off to rejoin Neil, Kevin swallowing bile before strolling after the pair.

On a slight positive, the Ravens game issue scratched away the uncomfortable discussions he and Amira had in California, to which she seemed to also put aside. That silent agreement was a slight alleviation, but he couldn’t quite shake the watchful eye that sought him out in every room, dark and thoughtful and inquisitive. Every time he thought about the USC party, how inside of each other’s space they were, the molten streams that buzzed his core to unthinkable ideas, he started to feel short of breath. The argument in the hotel, the discussion with Andrew and what he thought Kevin capable of… it ran heavy-footed laps in his brain until he got a mouthful of vodka down his throat to slow each thudding, imprinting thought.

So it had dangled over him since then, brushing his neck as a ticklish, festering reminder. Amira acted as if nothing had happened, and Kevin almost convinced himself it hadn’t. Except the dancing in particular kept visiting him in his sleeping hours, and ended with more heated, handsy, mouthy satisfaction than the real thing. It was a curse he brought upon himself yet again. Riko would morph in towards the end of it every time, his bony, clawing grip finding his throat, pushing thumbs into, eventually through his windpipe. Kevin had no choice but to look down at the blood pouring down his body before suddenly heaving himself back to consciousness.

Her words about his drinking hovered in the back of his mind too, starting to mould and rot his confidence. It made him double down on it however and he was now sipping his flask during classes too. He took no care to hide it from Amira, relishing in her obvious concern and distaste, watching her work so hard to ignore it day in and day out.

Not being able to have her fingers in the pie of his business clearly riled her, but she was getting good at keeping to herself. Kevin tried hard to bait a reaction, but came up dry at every corner.

Neil was helping Amira with her footwork, showing her how to not overextend her steps. For a Class I player, she really moved like a baby deer sometimes. Kevin shook his head as she bounded away from Neil with the ball, trying to sidestep him but went too wide, losing balance.

Kevin reached his racquet down then and stuck it out at her foot. She grunted, tripping and sprawling on the ground. She frowned and turned, looking up at Kevin with an incredulous look. He just shook his head and stared down at her.

“How many times do we have to go over this, Amira? It is not that hard. You let your body think for you – connect it to your brain every once in a while and you might find yourself actually benefiting from these sessions.”

She raised her eyebrows and slowly stood up, snatching his racquet from his hands and holding it behind her back. She raised her chin and stared back at him.

‘’Are you being extra mean today because I got higher marks in our history test, as I predicted? That is very childish of you, Kevin.’’

Neil stifled a laugh as he turned a bemused gaze to Kevin. They had received their history marks back earlier today, and she got A, whilst he got an A-. Handing over the prize winning money, she kept her face wiped of all expression as the notes slipped from his hand into hers, eyes twinkling with private glee. It had made her look radiant.

Now glowering, he scowled at her and tried to snatch back his racquet, but she threw it to Neil, who caught it with ease.

“Neil. Give it to me now.”

Neil shrugged, taking slow steps back, holding both his own and Kevin’s sticks in either hand. Kevin narrowed his eyes, stepping closer to Neil, but every time he did, Neil moved further back. It was like trying to catch a runaway dog – as soon as Kevin got close, Neil bolted, laughing.

“Catch me if you can, Kevin!”

Kevin swore and chased after him, Amira bursting with laughter. Andrew stood, opening the court door so Neil could run out, and slamming it before Kevin could get through. Kevin ran straight into it and slammed balled fists on the plexiglass as Andrew locked him in.

“Too slow. Maybe next time?”

He hit the glass again where Andrew stood, receiving a toothy, taunting smile in return. Kevin huffed, turning away and grunted as he stepped forward, but stumbled to the ground. Amira had run up on him unknowingly, sticking her racquet out at his feet and tripping him. He landed heavily on his knees and closed his eyes, trying not to explode.

“You should work on your feet Kevin – not very smooth of you.”

It was a sweet, sticky comment and Kevin stared up at her from his knees. Unable to keep her eyes on his for too long, face crinkled with glee, she averted her gaze. Her offered hand reached down, but he smacked it away, standing up without it. Neil had jogged a victory lap in the outer court, both racquets in the air before rejoining them on the court. Amira clacked her stick against Neil’s as he threw Kevin’s back to him. Kevin glared at the pair of them as he caught his racquet.

‘You are both abominations to this sport. We’re done for tonight, get off my court.”

Neil and Amira laughed, walking into each other as they teased Kevin and headed to the changeroom. Kevin sighed, moving around to pack up the equipment they had used. He tidied, put everything away and was done 20 minutes later. He heard the stadium door open and slam closed, the usual sound of Amira leaving. He pulled his gear and shirt off, dragging it all to the changeroom and paused when he saw not Andrew and Neil, but Amira. She was sat on the couch with a book and looked up when he came in. She raised her eyebrows, brown eyes wide at his lack of clothes. She did everything in her power to keep her eyes on his. He furrowed his brows, moving to hang his gear to air out.

“Where did Neil and Andrew go?”

She shrugged, her eyes glued to him. Even with his back turned, he felt her piercing, heated gaze.

‘’I think they uh… wanted some alone time. I guess.”

He nodded a bit to himself, pushing a hand through his hair and yawned. Picking up his flask from his crumpled belongings, he brought it to his lips and observed the remnants of her flickering gaze. Unsure as to what compelled him, he slunk toward her with irritation. At her and Neil for fooling around, for her outdoing him on their exam. Neil wasn’t here, so Amira could suffer his shitty mood. He crouched down in front of her, tilting his head. Kevin reached forward then, closing her book slowly in her lap, keeping a finger on the page where she was up to. He let his arm rest in the area between her knees where the book was.

She furrowed her brow, tilting her head down to look at him. Incapable of controlling the heated red that brightened her cheeks, she carefully fixed her glasses as he drank from his flask slowly.

“I trust you’ll actually try fix your footwork at some point? And not fuck around wasting my time spent with you at these trainings?”

It came out flat and cold, as intended. She blinked a few times, the veins in her hands tight as she gripped the fabric of her pants. Kevin felt a sickening need to keep making her squirm. It was entertaining – kept the writhing heat in his stomach fed. He let go of her book then, slowly standing in front of her, sliding his hands into his short pockets. He knew they rode low on his hips, and he felt a tremble up his spine as Amira finally allowed her curiosity to give out. Her eyes left his as he stood, going over his jaw, his shoulders, his chest then ribs, his stomach, his waist-band.

Kevin felt golden under her hungry stare, flamed and prideful. She suddenly seemed to get a grip of herself and she raised her foot, placing it against his stomach and pushed him away. Eyes going back to her book, she readjusted her glasses and cleared her throat.

“Go shower. You stink. I have to take you back to the dorms.’’

Walking backwards with a cruel snarl before turning and heading to the showers, he stripped off completely and climbed in, letting the water wash off the sweat he had accumulated. He shamelessly allowed his hand to pleasure himself. He tilted his head back against the tile, letting the water rain over him as he did slow, soapy strokes. He knew he shouldn’t think about a teammate like this – it always ended disastrously. Jean was evidence of that. As long as she didn’t know his mind, didn’t let her in to see how fucked up he was, he would be fine.

He thought about her smile, her laugh when they won games, her legs in that double denim outfit she wore to Colombia, her birthmark, the definition of muscle in her arms, her thick thighs, his face going between them, desperate for a taste of her.

His mind raced through the idea of burying himself in her thighs, what she might sound like, if she would grip his hair and squeeze the air out of him, perhaps fall into a sweet suffocation.

Minutes stuck in those thoughts let hot lust erupt in his belly as he came, a grumbled moan escaping his lips. He stayed still for a moment, breathing deeply as the water cascaded over him.

He washed himself properly, changing into a hoodie and grey sweatpants, walking out of the changeroom, his hair half wet, dripping on him a little.

“Took your sweet time, are you finished?’’

Kevin tried to hold in a choked laugh at that innuendo and simply nodded. She frowned, her eyes wandering down his body inadvertently. She cleared her throat and nodded toward the exit, leading him out to her car. He climbed in the front, and she remained silent, putting a CD in before beginning the drive. She opened the window, despite the cold wind and let it whip through her hair as she drove.

It made her look peaceful. He didn’t know he was staring until she spoke up.

‘’Any particular reason you have an interest in the side of my face tonight, Kevin?”

He sniffled and turned away, shrugging as if he had done nothing. She didn’t bother to reply, and the rest of the drive back was in silence. Only when she pulled up did she open her mouth again.

‘’Next time I beat you on a test, I want a better prize.’’

He stopped where he was and turned in his seat to face her, putting on a charming leer.

‘’Okay. Say there is a next time – which there won’t be – what will satisfy your demanding needs?”

She kept her eyes out the front glass, not bothering to look at him.

‘’You’ll know when I cash in. Goodnight, Kevin.’’

He frowned confusedly but got out of the car, spending the rest of his evening thinking about her mysterious request. It sounded - no. He should not be encouraging those thoughts, not when they plagued him unwillingly at night anyhow.

He didn’t deserve someone like her anyways.

–

Halloween night finally arrived a couple days later, and the Foxes geared up for a big night. They had a bye that week, so no game was on. When Kevin and Neil advised Matt they were both staying in to watch the other Class I games, Matt smacked them both on the back of the head.

‘’Not a chance. Nicky already got your costumes. You monsters would walk around in used diapers if Nicky didn’t look after you lot.’’

He shook his head, hands on his hips. Neil frowned and turned to Matt on the couch, looking annoyed.

‘’It’s a waste of time Matt –’’

‘’Shut up Neil, you’re the greatest pretender I’ve ever known. I think Halloween was invented just for you.”

Kevin couldn’t help the snort that escaped his nose, and Neil shook his head and pegged a cushion at Matt, who caught it. Matt hugged it to himself.

‘’I will be back in half an hour – I’m lugging the last of Jack’s stuff to the administration building. I personally think it should all be burnt but I don’t think they’ll be a fan of that idea.’’ He frowned, throwing the cushion back at Neil before leaving their apartment.

Neil caught it, and Kevin closed his eyes at the mention of Jack. Wymack had officially terminated Jack’s contract this morning, and the ERC announced Jack’s departure from the Palmetto Foxes. Media queries flooded in about it, with Wymack and the ERC tried to keep it all relatively vague and nonchalant. Campus security had to escort multiple reporters who had snuck in to try to speak to the Foxes about it.

Most of the team was happy about Jack’s departure, but Kevin still felt wrong about it all, mostly due to how it was affecting Wymack. Jack hadn’t shown his face or made contact with anyone on the team. All the coach got was a call from Jack’s mother saying that he was okay. Because it came from his mother, the university considered it a closed matter and advised Wymack to no longer make it his concern. They said that with the types that Wymack recruited, they weren’t always destined to work out. That cut the coach to the bone.

Neil also had the same crawling sense that something about Jack was wrong, but they couldn’t figure anything out.

‘’People like him, they always have something lined up. Some other weapon up their sleeve. It’ll come out eventually. All we can do at this point is wait.”

Neil’s calmness didn’t reassure his own pressurising thoughts in the slightest. Kevin turned as Andrew and Aaron walked into the dorm. Andrew looked around for Matt, as if sad he couldn’t argue with him about not knocking. He sat with ease beside Neil, and Aaron went to the kitchen, digging around for food. Aubrey was already in there, and chucked him a chocolate bar, which Aaron happily accepted.

‘’Nicky says we need to go get ready for tonight.’’

Kevin glanced back at Aaron, eyebrows raised. ‘’What has Nicky gotten us to wear? Should we be concerned?’’

Aaron rolled his eyes as if Kevin were the dumbest person he had encountered this hour. ‘’It’s Nicky, of course we should be concerned. If I get one more text from him about it, I’m snapping my phone in half. I also need to go meet Katelyn, so let’s go.’’

Neil stood first, and led them all out of his dorm, Aubrey staying to keep cooking. They walked past the girl’s dorm, and heard blasting music – but not songs. It sounded like they were making some homemade alien film. Aaron’s curiosity won, and he backtracked to their door, knocking on it.

Robin opened it up with a huge grin. Aaron swore and flinched back from her, eyes boggling. Her face, hair, ears, every bit of exposed skin was painted green. She had a bald cap on and oversized, dangling ears.

“What the fuck is happening right now?”

This came from Neil, and Robin burst out laughing, waddling a little on the spot before bowering her head.

“Yoda, I am.”

Kevin and the others stared at her in dumbfound silence. Aaron scratched the side of his head and shrugged.

“Dedication I suppose?”

She beamed and nodded, opening the door wider. Amira stood at the kitchen with a large paintbrush and she hadn’t looked up, was only staring at a picture of Yoda they had printed out. When she turned to look at who was there, she smiled warmly.

“Hey! You guys aren’t dressed yet? Nicky’s costumes for you guys are great – I think you’re gonna love it. Matt and Aubrey are in on it too.”

None of them spoke, as the scene before them was far too strange. They were all in various states of dress – Allison was wearing Princess Leia’s slave outfit, Dan was Obi-Wan Kenobi, Amira had a purple lightsaber beside her, likely Mace Windu. Renee was Padme, Sheena was Anakin and Itzel was R2D2.

“Who made you dress like this?”

Kevin screwed up his face, but no one needed to answer. Every single head turned to Amira, who smiled sheepishly.

“We’ve been watching it on Sundays. I got them hooked. Except Robin, she knew it was legendary.”

Robin grinned, waving happily at the boys. Nicky appeared at the door then, looking pissed.

“Can you assholes just listen to me for, I don’t know, once in your fucking lives? Oh – nevermind. I would have stopped for this too.”

Dan laughed at that, sitting and doing Renee’s hair, and Renee doing Allison’s hair. Sheena swatted at the boys with her lightsaber.

“Piss off morons. Go get ready.”

She poked and prodded at them until they all backed out. Amira waved a jolly farewell as Sheena slammed the door in their faces.

Kevin shook his head, looking at the boys, and Aaron spoke up first.

“They’re all so weird.”

There wasn’t a single disagreement, and they finally followed Nicky back to the dorm.

Getting ready for the night was more fun than Kevin anticipated. Nicky had arranged them all to be characters from Lord of the Rings. Since watching it for the first time with Amira, the boys had managed to squeeze in 2 more rewatches of the whole trilogy. Damn that woman and her influence.

Nicky had organised pretty fun, detailed outfits for them all. When Matt & Aubrey eventually joined, it tied the whole thing together surprisingly well. Nicky nominated himself as Frodo, and made the twins Merry and Pippin. Neil was Samwise, Kevin was Aragon, Aubrey was Boromir and Matt got to be Legolas.

Although it was all earthy tones and woodsy whimsy, Nicky tried to make their outfits dark, so as to keep Andrew on side. Neil was too excited by his outfit for Andrew to deny him wearing his own.

“Surely we are the best dressed tonight, right?”

This came from Matt, who pretended to aim his bow and arrow at Neil. Neil grinned and tapped the prop, Matt seceding it to him so he could have a turn. Neil aimed it around the room and let it fly at Andrew. Andrew caught it with a quick reflex before it hit him, and raised an eyebrow at Neil, who smiled innocently. Andrew darted it back to Neil, who caught it with precision, before giving both back to Matt.

“C’mon idiots, we have a party to attend.”

This wasn’t usually their scene. Kevin was appalled by the amount of college parties they had attended this semester so far. Now, they were going to some off campus student’s share house. Katelyn had gotten them all invited as one of her cheerleading friends lived there, much to Kevin’s disappointment. Even Neil seemed to have forgotten they were supposed to be watching games tonight. The Trojans were versing the Ravens, and he felt sickly for Jean. He wished he could have gone, but he also knew Jean would hate it if Kevin came. It was too showy, not the way he wanted to be supported. So Kevin had to stay on the other side of the country and hope that the Trojans would win. The Trojans and Ravens had won every game they had played, but the Trojans had more points. They were currently coming first on the ladder, the Ravens second and Foxes third. This match, depending on the points, would possibly put the Foxes up into second. He hoped above all that it was the Ravens that would lose.

Neil and Matt took the responsibility of driving, as neither were drinking. After 10 minutes, they arrived at the house. It was a huge 2 story brick building, with too many windows. The students that lived there had covered it in lights, skeletons, pumpkins, cobwebs, and every other corny Halloween decoration under the sun. Most of them looked ancient, and Kevin suspected the decorations came with the house, passed down from year to year to the inheriting new students. They had to park a few streets away, and the lot of them walked to the house together.

Kevin watched Amira and Dan swing their lightsabers around as they walked, trying to make fast, zippy circles of light. Neil had offered Robin a ride on his shoulders, which she took gleefully. She inhabited her role of Yoda very seriously, having dedicated herself to speaking like him for the rest of the night. If it was anyone else, Kevin would have found it grating, but on Robin, it was cute. She had come well out of her shell since joining the team, even if it was due to Andrew’s forced hand. She did admittedly come out stronger because of it, and he saw the way Neil doted on her. Doted was an odd way to put it - it was more that Neil was pliable to her playfulness, her competitiveness and drive to be like him.

Renee walked beside Andrew, and Kevin wondered if she had spoken to Jean. He wanted to ask, but didn’t want Renee to know he was thinking about it. That would make her give him those eyes that bore a little too deeply into his soul. He was already tipsy and unsure if that was the best idea. Aaron walked ahead with Katelyn at his side, who was dressed as Gandalf. She was a bit too short for it, but her large hat and beard was impressive in dedication. Itzel walked arm in arm with Aubrey, who was nervous about the amount of people that were likely to be present. Itzel muttered that he would be fine, and he only sighed in despair.

When they got to the front door, Katelyn took the lead, beaming as she greeted her friend. Aaron hugged her too, and Kevin forgot how jarring it was that Aaron had a whole other life that none of them really knew about.

The intensity of his medical studies made him scarcely available - between that and exy, every bit of free time he had, he tried to spend with Katelyn. Andrew only barely tolerated her presence, but Kevin knew the twins had some sort of agreement: if Andrew had Neil, Aaron could have Katelyn. It wasn’t really a peaceful pact, but more of a grudging coexistence.

“Ashleigh, the Foxes, Foxes, Ash Dinh!”

Katelyn smiled as she introduced her, and Ashleigh reached forward, shaking everyone’s hand in turn. She wriggled her eyebrows at Allison, looking impressed. “You’re a truly sexy Princess Leia, Allison! I love it.”

Allison smiled and shrugged her shoulders up cutely before giving a little bow.

“And you make a truly sexy nurse, Ashleigh. Thanks for having us. Huge place!”

Ashleigh smiled, and began to give them all a tour. It was a huge, spacious place that had rooms of mismatched couches, lamps, shelves and desks. There was no real cohesion – it was all clutter, with generations of items having been stockpiled. People milled around in large droves. There was a DJ set up in what Kevin assumed was the dining room. The table and chairs had been pushed to the side, the table covered with drinks. The costumes were mostly boring, in Kevin’s opinion. There were the usual prongs of vampires, werewolves, pirates, superheroes, villains. Sub-standard. The Foxes really did look the best, he thought.

Ashleigh told everyone where the bathroom was, where drinks were, and she carried Katelyn and Aaron away to socialise with the other Vixens.

Once left to their own devices, everyone split almost instantly – Dan, Matt, Nicky & Allison wanted to dance. Andrew spotted a gazebo in the back yard that was empty, and Kevin knew he would make that his home for the night. He dragged Neil with him, and Robin followed. Aubrey watched them start for the backyard and decided the retreat of being as far from the house as possible was best, so Itzel followed. Sheena found some of her friends, and moved off with them. Of course, that left Kevin with Amira. He watched her move to the edge of the room and lean against the wall, observing people as they passed by. No one noticed her, and she didn’t reach out to anyone either. A wallflower, Kevin thought. Inner thoughts weeding from her scalp, taking possession of the exposed brick she clung to.

Kevin had thought about sneaking off, to go back to the dorms to watch the game. But he knew he would get burnt at the stake for it. Instead, he went to the kitchen and dug around in the options of alcohol. Why were people so trusting of just leaving bottles of liquor around? Idiots.

Kevin nicked a half full vodka, and moved to stand beside Amira. She stood with her lightsaber, tapping it as it glowed purple. She looked up at him, and Kevin properly took in her appearance.

She very rarely had all of her hair tied back - but she now wore it in a low bun. Long strands dangled and framed her face, which she pushed behind her ear. She had on a billowy white cloak, and a tight belt around her waist. Moving a bit of hair that got stuck behind her glasses, she didn’t bother to look at Kevin when she spoke.

“You could look less grouchy about not being able to fawn over Jeremy through a TV screen.”

Displeased, his brows creased as he eyed her, bringing the bottle to his lips to take a long, easy sip. “Being here is a waste of my time.”

“That’s interesting coming from someone who until recently was never really able to spend his time the way he has wanted to, no?”

Scoffing, he narrowed his eyes as he stared down at her. A small, playful smile lined her lips, and he found his eyes struggling to look away. “I’d rather be in the Nest than this cesspool.”

That got a laugh out of her, and she tilted her head back against the wall, observing the milling ants that scuttled and huddled about. “You’re awfully stubborn. Here’s a deal: try and actually enjoy yourself tonight and I’ll stay up to watch the game with you.”

She tapped his shoes with the tip of her saber, awaiting his response. Realistically, he could leave right now back to the dorm and watch it live. The reaming from Dan would be endless, but it might be worth the risk.

Watching the glint of her eyes behind her glasses, long lashes fluttering, seemed a far greater risk to stick around for. Averting her observant eyes, he rolled his own and folded his arms. “Not much of a deal if you ask me.”

Pursing her lips, she drew circles on the ground with her saber in beat to the music. “Not sure a wretched knave like yourself has any other offers going right now.”

Her words were velvety, so it sounded like a compliment really. He raised his eyebrows but feigned indifference, turning his attention from her to the people that were dancing.

“Wretched knave? How much time did you spend coming up with that?”

Blunt as ever, he flicked his eyes up and down her face judgmentally, hoping this was the beginning of getting under her skin. It never seemed to work on the court or at training. She didn’t really care to bite back, because she valued learning from what people criticised her for. Yet off the court, it was different. The more time he spent with her, the more quipped, witty and sarcastic she had become. She wasn’t like that around everyone though – she seemed to reserve her snark for him. And god, how he craved it. He’d take every lashing as long as it was by her tongue.

“All of 2 seconds. Maybe 3 if you count me being able to add an extra 47 negative adjectives.”

Shoulders sagging, he glared in scrutiny, nudging her with his elbow. Biting back a smile, she flashed her eyes up at him. Finding it too dangerous to maintain eye contact, he focussed on her drink instead and clinked his glass against hers.

“What have you got?”

She looked down at the cup, bringing it to her lips and taking a sip. It was a pinky orange and swirled around as she drank it. She held it out to him to try.

“In the wise words of Snoop Dog, it’s gin and juice. Much better than that awful paint stripper you drink.”

He screwed up his face as he took a sip, shaking his head and sticking his tongue out.

“That is foul. Far too sweet, and gin tastes like what I imagine swallowing glass is like.”

She huffed a laugh through her nose, shaking her head in disagreement. He felt her shoulder brush his, and she slowly started to lean against him on the wall. He steadied himself, became solid so she could be comfortable. She gasped and smiled, pointing at someone who just walked into the room in a Wookie costume.

“Chewie!”

She bounded forward and the person dressed up made a throaty Wookie roar. The person stuck their hand out, and Amira shook it enthusiastically. Kevin suspected he had lost his company, but she came straight back to Kevin after her short conversation with the person.

“He said he made it himself, how cool is that!”

She smiled happily, and Kevin nodded, his shoulders relaxing when she stood back beside him. He didn’t realise how much he had tensed when she left.

They spent the next hour standing there in that spot against the wall, and Amira spewed out babbling commentary on the people that milled around, their costumes and explained what characters were from what book or film that Nicky had told her about. Kevin thought he would get sick of it, but he didn’t. He enjoyed the way her voice deepened and focussed when explaining something, or went high pitched when she was excited. It was odd, because she was more of a listener to everyone else. But around him, it was as if every unfiltered thought in her mind came tumbling out, and he snatched up every single one.

“I wanted to ask you – there’s an Incan and Mayan history exhibition at Columbia in December… would you like to come with me?”

He flinched out of his thoughts and cut a side eye at her. Blinking, he recalled seeing that in his email subscription for the South Carolina State Museum. He had only gone once since moving to PSU, largely due to how busy he was and the fact that no one else really wanted to go. Andrew would only agree if they went to Eden’s after, which didn’t really work with the opening hours.

“You can say no, if you don’t want to –”

“Why would I say no?”

She wrinkled her nose at his abrupt tone, giving a small shrug and tilted her head back against the wall. “Okay. I’ll buy tickets tomorrow then.”

Simply dipping his chin, he tried to iron away the excitement that jittered around in him. Someone who he could share his keenness for reading, history, art… he would never have imagined getting that out of a team mate.

Eager as ever, she immediately began discussing the pieces that were going to be on show, and he keenly joined in querying her on it. He hadn’t realised how drunk they had gotten until he had started willingly drinking the gin and juice that she kept refilling. She was laughing more, and he was laughing too.

“Gin thief, I knew you liked it!”

He groaned, denial smothering his expression.

“I do not, it’s just fucking there.”

Blunt and dire, she laughed again at him, leaning her head against his shoulder. A passing shadow darkened the light, and she quickly stood up straight as Ashleigh approached them. Kevin nodded in polite greeting, and Amira gave a little wave, averting her gaze.

“Guys, you have been standing there like, for ages! Come play a game, come on!”

Amira quickly put her saber in her belt loop as Ashleigh took both of their hands and dragged them upstairs. Kevin wasn’t sure why he was letting this random girl do this but at least he didn’t have to suffer alone. Amira seemed more curious than anything, and followed obediently.

She led them to a large, open lounge area that overlooked the lower level. The bannisters were covered in fake cobwebs and spiders, and Amira pulled some of it as she was dragged along. Ashleigh led them to a circle where others were sitting, mostly Vixens. Aaron was there with Katelyn in his lap, and Kevin sighed in relief. He plopped himself down beside Aaron, who nodded at him. Katelyn patted Kevin’s cheek gently, and reached over, squeezing Amira’s hand in greeting.

“I can’t believe you two have just been standing like statues this whole time. But how cool was that guy as Chewie though?”

Amira nodded enthusiastically, leaning across Kevin and began to talk animatedly with Katelyn. Kevin leaned back on his hands and tilted his head closer to Aaron.

“What are we even playing here?”

Aaron burped, sipping on his soda before he spoke.

“Truth or dare, I think. I am pretty sure this is some master plan to get you to kiss Vixens, just so you know.”

Kevin’s shoulders sagged, and he groaned in annoyance. He tapped Katelyn and glared half-heartedly at her as Amira sat back up.

“Are you trying to sell me off again?”

Katelyn burst out laughing, sipping her vodka soda with a cheeky smile.

“Shut up and enjoy kissing hot girls with no effort Kevin, geez.”

She winked at him and Kevin rubbed a hand over his face. Amira sat with a warm smile, looking around in a drunken daze. Kevin hadn’t realised the game had started until someone was yelling at him.

“Kevin! Earth to Kevin! Truth or dare?”

Kevin bit his lips, pretending to think. He was obviously only choosing truth with repressed monotone. “Truth.”

The girl sighed, rolling her eyes and looked thoughtful. “Have you ever made out with someone in Class I exy?”

How boring, Kevin thought. He simply nodded, not bothering to say yes to them. They then peppered him with questions of who and he scoffed, shaking his head.

“You asked your question and I answered. My turn. Uh – Ashleigh, truth or dare?”

He realised he didn’t know many of their names, so he chose Ashleigh out of ease, and she was none too happy to participate.

“Dare. Go on.”

Kevin nodded, and ran a tongue over his teeth as he thought. He narrowed his eyes, these types of games usually of low value to him.

“I dare you to swap outfits with Aaron.”

Katelyn and Amira burst out laughing, as did everyone else. Aaron glared at Kevin, but he wouldn’t deny Katelyn’s friend. He groaned, standing and the pair stripped down shamelessly, swapping outfits. Aaron stood in the sexy nurse outfit, and Ashleigh as a hobbit, and everyone roared with laughter.

Ashleigh shook her head, sitting and nodded a little at the costume.

“This is actually a cool costume – thanks Aaron!”

His smile didn’t meet his eyes, and Kevin had to bite back laughter. Ashleigh asked another Vixen a truth, and after a few goes, Katelyn was dared to kiss her favourite part of Aaron’s body. She smirked to herself, and Aaron raised his eyebrows as he watched her clamber off his lap. She instead kneeled in front of him, lowering her head and kissed his dick through the nurse dress. Aaron choked on his drink and Kevin couldn’t hold in the snorty, drunken laugh that came out, Amira crying tears of laughter at Katelyn’s brazen action. Katelyn moved back into Aaron’s lap and kissed his red face sweetly. She sighed and turned to Amira, asking her truth or dare.

Amira downed the rest of her drink and chose dare.

“I dare you… to demonstrate your favourite sex position to perform on someone. Pick anyone here of your choosing to demonstrate.”

Amira rolled her eyes a little but laughed, peeling off her cloak and stood with her hands on her hips, just in her shirt, pants and belt. Kevin stiffened a little. He could not watch this. He turned to Amira, who looked around, and beckoned at Ashleigh.

“I don’t really know anyone else – I can’t choose my team mates, or their girlfriends. Is that okay with you?”

Ashleigh laughed and stood, bowing with honour.

“It would be my pleasure! Do with me as you desire.”

She winked at Amira, who flushed deeply. Amira took Ashleigh’s hand and made her sit with her back against the bannister. She wriggled her belt off her waist, and the circle of Vixens whistled and whooped. Aaron’s eyes widened and he glanced sideways at Kevin. But Kevin was blank faced, eyes rooted on Amira, his blood sloshing rapidly through every vein in his body.

Amira kneeled beside Ashleigh, and brought her hands up, tying her wrists to the bannister above the girl’s head. The way she tied the knot - that fast, loopy precision - she had done this dozens of times before. Kevin thought he was going to combust.

Once Ashleigh was in place, Amira slowly moved and spread her knees on either side of Ashleigh, straddling her. She wriggled around, and Ashleigh laughed. Everyone else was greatly amused, and Amira arched her back, tilting her head and looked at everyone upside down.

“Depending on who you’re sleeping with – you can ride on top like this. If you don’t like that, scissoring can do, or you can just go down on them. It’s fun to watch the squirming when they can’t use their hands.”

It came out in an oddly factual spiel, but Kevin choked on his drink. Aaron and Katelyn side eyed him, but he pretended it was just the drink going down the wrong hole. Everyone clapped as Amira untied Ashleigh, carrying her belt and laying it beside her on the ground as she sat back beside Kevin. Kevin knew if he looked at her, he would lose the indifferent facade he was barely managing to keep up.

Amira turned to Kevin, tilting her head with twinkling eyes.

“You haven’t had a turn in a while. Truth or dare, Kevin?”

Kevin still refused to look at her, opting to stare at the bannister instead. He knew shouldn’t do it, but he wanted to know what she would make him do.

“Dare.”

Aaron narrowed his eyes as he watched Kevin’s glitchy movements. Amira nodded thoughtfully and slowly took her hair down as she spoke. She massaged her scalp, and Kevin twitched as he felt the long ends brush against him.

“I dare you to strip an item of clothing off someone else with just your teeth, and that person has to keep it off for the rest of the game.”

She smiled mischievously and Kevin narrowed his eyes. There were extremely minimal options. Couldn’t do Aaron or Katelyn, and he absolutely was not going to do a Vixen. He refused to allow Katelyn that satisfaction. Like a lightbulb, he realised he could make this work in his favour, get under Amira’s skin. He turned to her with a slow, obnoxious sneer.

“Hope you didn’t need your shirt or pants, Amira. Stand up.”

She jolted back a bit and gaped at him, shaking her head. “No chance – you can’t choose me!”

Kevin scoffed, shaking his finger at her. “Actually, I can. You didn’t specify it couldn’t be you. Or are you too chicken?”

She frowned stubbornly, and he knew she wouldn’t back down.

“Not a chicken. Get it done. If you’re capable.”

Standing with a huff, she watched as Kevin went from sitting to his knees, shuffling in front of her. She only had her shirt and pants on. He looked up at her to gesture which one she wanted gone. Rolling her eyes, she tugged her shirt with a tight clenched grip. Nodding, he leaned forward and avoided looking at Aaron, knowing he would lose the nerves to do this if he did. He opened his mouth at the base of the shirt, keeping his hands strictly behind his back. The Vixens giggled, watching as Kevin slowly tugged it upwards. He let his teeth scrape against her bare skin, setting a shiver down his spine. He was so fucking starved, and apparently, it was just for her.

She twitched as minimally as possible, her head tilted back, staring at the ceiling blankly. Kevin kept pulling, but it was harder than expected. As he moved to the side, his lips brushed along her ribs. He kept tugging, gritting down and hissing as the shirt snagged on her belly piercing. He quickly readjusted his grip with his teeth, but this time, let his tongue run along her bare skin. The faintest hitch in her breath made him smirk to himself. He kept pulling – when he got to her chest, he let his tongue brush her again. She began breathing out of her nose as slowly as possible. As soon as he was high enough, she brought her arms out of the holes and ducked down to wriggle out. Everyone clapped and cheered, Kevin bowing with a cocky, winning grin.

“Here for all of your shirt removal needs.”

Amira took her shirt back and studied Kevin. He grimaced back cockily, and she narrowed her eyes. It was difficult to keep his eyes from wandering lower than her neck, but she hurried to cross her arms across her torso, using her shirt to cover herself. Oh, to win at mind games. Kevin slowly sank back down beside her, and she bunched up her shirt in her lap, covering her tummy. Taking Katelyns cup, she sculled the rest of the liquid and craned her neck. The alcohol was clearly getting to her.

Kevin continued the game, giving someone a meaningless dare, but knew that Amira’s eyes repeatedly glanced at him, which Kevin easily ignored. It flamed his petty needs greatly. Dan and Matt joined at some point, relaxing beside Amira in each other’s arms. Kevin refused to say dare for anyone else for fear of having to kiss a Vixen, but watched as Amira bravely took another dare from Aaron. A drunk, giggling Katelyn in his ear likely influenced his choice.

“I dare you, Amira, to spend 7 minutes in heaven with anyone of your choice.”

Kevin bit his lip, keeping a vague expression ahead at the opposite wall, but side eyeing Amira as she shrugged, looking around.

“Uhhh Ashleigh? Sorry to choose you again, you were a good partner last time so I –”

“Sure!”

Ashleigh fluttered her eyelashes prettily at Amira, who grunted as Ashleigh hauled her up with surprising strength, considering she was a whole head shorter than Amira. The Vixens snickered and whispered, and Matt and Dan gave Aaron and Katelyn an odd look. One by one, the whole group stampeded after the pair of girls, and followed to the large closet they had locked themselves in.

–

How did 7 minutes last so long? The Vixens took turns pressing their ear to the door, but heard nothing and giggled with conspiratorial whispers. Katelyn separated from Aaron to join Kevin, nudging his rib hard.

“That was meant for you, idiot. Why won’t you let me make you happy?”

Rubbing his side, he scowled at her as he sipped more of his drink. “Exy is the only thing I need. Butt out.”

She rolled her eyes, muttering something about impossible boys, and snuggled back up to Aaron’s side. One of the Vixens started to count down, and Kevin stared hard at the door as if he would be able to see through it. Dan and Matt took post either side of him, one arm linked around him each.

“I think this is our first time seeing her drunk. She’s very funny.” Matt grinned as the Vixens stomped excitedly, Dan cackling. Kevin shrugged and rolled his eyes, folding his arms tight across himself, fist almost crushing his cup. It felt like someone was wounding up his chest, and the tighter it went, the closer to snapping he got.

One of the girls flung the door open at 10 seconds to go, and Kevin almost dropped his drink.

Ashleigh stood on her tiptoes, Amira cupping her face as they kissed with heated, drunk passion. The Vixens whooped and whistled, Aaron’s mouth falling open with the same gape Katelyn had. Matt was whistling and cheering, as was Dan, but all Kevin felt was cold.

His own hand started to claw his chest, and he filtered short, bursting breaths out of his nose. Pulling himself out of Matt and Dan’s grip, he tried to leave but his eyes couldn’t leave the side of Amira’s head.

The way Amira was kissing Ashleigh, the desperate grabbing her the cheerleader’s hair, the red face, the little sighs –

Why couldn’t he watch this? His shift away caught Amira’s peripheral, and she pulled away from Ashleigh quickly, blinking. Both girls were silent before bursting out laughing, and the whooping cheers got real loud. Amira excused herself in a slurred manner, stumbling out and toward the bathroom. Her eyes lingered on Kevin’s, darting over his face, a silent question of sorts. Kevin instructed himself to get out, get out, get out. But he couldn’t.

In the flurry of it all, he ducked off after her and used the wall to leverage himself. Hot, tight shivers moved beneath the skin of his face, chest tight enough that he felt it concaving. He could barely keep Amira in sight, but as she went into the bathroom, he slammed a hand on the door before she could close it. She blinked, dragging a thumb across her wet, dusky lips.

They both stood there, staring in utter silence. The party raged on, music blasting, people stomping past. Amira took one step aside and let him in. Slamming and locking the door behind him, he looked at Amira as if seeing her for the first time. She eyed him drunkenly, stumbling forward before placing her hands on the sink. Running the water, she took a few gulps from the tap.

Slowly, she backed away and sank down to the ground against the bath, opting to hug her knees and toying with something in her head, apparently losing the battle. Slumping down with his own back against the bathroom door, he pulled one knee up to his chest as he stared at her. Narrowing her eyes, her voice came out more hoarse than he expected.

“What’s that face? You look like you’ve been force fed 83 lemons.”

Glowering, he felt himself twitching with irritation. “Nothing. What happened to not liking hookups?”

Her neck strained with held back anger, and she huffed before speaking. “I can do what I like, Kevin. I’m drunk, letting loose. That okay with you? If me drinking has made you lose your respect for me, no wonder you have none for yourself.”

It was unnecessarily cruel, and he scoffed, his shoulders jerking in disbelief. “I have more respect for myself than anyone else on our useless team, so –”

“Don’t. Don’t lie like that, when it is so obvious this team means everything to you. It is your lifeline, your reason to keep going.”

He hated, absolutely despised, how easily she understood him. It felt like she was under his skin, an extra layer of self-awareness he needed to scrub off, rub himself raw to rid of the terrifying feeling of her honesty.

“Fine. I’m as much a liar as you are a hypocrite then. Up on your high horse, criticising me for my choices, when you so clearly push back against your own expectations of yourself. Like tonight. I thought exy was your priority? Not romance.”

Throwing her own words back in her face instantly backfired. She only became more venomous, so soft and alluring he found himself leaning forward into the poison of her truth. She had the knife, and here he was again, pushing himself right into it.

“I thought exy was your top priority too. Seems you like the bottle in your hand more than a racquet sometimes.”

He almost stood up, but forgot how intoxicated he was and slapped both palms flat on the floor to regain his balance. “Fuck you. You don’t know anything about me –”

“No? Don’t I? You’re easier to read than a book Kevin. The team just chooses not to because you bite back and brush them aside. Because it’s easier watching you suffer in silence than being thorned by your presence.”

Indignant offence coursed through him. It was entirely true, he knew, but he wasn’t about to let someone who only knew him a few months croon about him like this to his face. Intending venom, he opened his mouth, but she cut him off again in a slurred, too accurate analysis.

“I know how terrified you are of opening yourself to being better. That perhaps this sport won’t be everything to you if you decide to heal from your horrible past, that you might realise there is space for other things. I know deep down you’re insecure about the prospect of being alone. That you don’t have the same connections with the Foxes that they do with each other. That you’re so lost in the idea of a relationship with your own father you can’t even call him that to his face.”

Each word was a spark in his internal rage, and he lurched forward, shoving her hard against the bath, his breaths heaving in and out of him at a rate he couldn’t control. Dangerously close, her eyes narrowed harrowingly as he glared at her, his nauseating anxiety shredding his heart into erratic dysfunction.

“You will never fucking know me, never understand me, never know what it was like to live under a fucking sadist like Riko –”

Her hand was on his face, so cold he jolted, freezing his insides instantly. Not a slap, a soft slide up to cup his cheek, thumbing away a single tear that had escaped his eye. She held it there, and he stupidly, foolishly let her, his grip slowly loosening on her shirt.

“Fine. You don’t want to talk about you? Then what about us? What are you playing at Kevin? With what you did out there with my shirt? At night training? Do you toy with me for your entertainment? Because you’re bored? For a bet? Because you feel sorry for me?”

Kevin flinched at the unexpected sharpness that escaped her. It was quiet, but so crushingly self-pitying that he wanted to shove it all back inside her. He gritted his teeth before speaking, pushing himself back rapidly.

“No. Am I making you feel like that?”

He intended it to come out flat, but it was laced with something sharp that grappled his lungs. He gulped as he stared at her, and she shrugged, speaking softly, quietly.

“I don’t know how I feel. Confused, mostly. You confuse me. I spend far too much time thinking about things I shouldn’t, Kevin.”

He frowned at that, curled up in front of her, squeezing his leg to himself tightly. This conversation was going into a dangerous territory of unspoken emotions, and he felt wildly unprepared, completely all over the place. How had she gone from sawing him to the bone to now making an absolute mess of themselves? His need to know overtook him, crawled along his skin, up his spine, clawing its way out of his mouth.

“What is it that you think about?”

She took a full minute before she spoke again. The alcohol was really kicking in now, and her veracity was now a dragging weight on her, drowning her down in her own grappling thoughts.

“I think about the things I can’t have. That I will never deserve. What it would feel like to have you consume me in my entirety. Every broken, rotten part of me upended by your hand. By your strength, your stubbornness, your passion. I think about you turning me inside out and criticising every disgusting part of me that is my very existence. And then destroying it, forcing it out. Ruining me for rebirth. That is what I think about, Kevin Day.”

She mumbled drunkenly then, closed her eyes dreamily as she recited to him smoothly, a clearly well learned train of thought. His skin buzzed with electricity. He flexed and unflexed his fists, unsure how to process what she had said. How could she seem so disdained by him yet so invigorated? And why did he feel the same about her?

Words died in his throat. He had nothing to say to this that wouldn’t end in something regrettable. He thought if he voiced that he would do that for her without a doubt, he would ruin her, force every self-doubting, terrorising fear and agonising memory that held her back out, burn it to ash, disperse it in the wind to never collect together again. He would do it. Because at least he had a purpose, at least he was important and useful to someone beyond his surface level uses.

Instead, they remained in silence for the rest of the time they were in the bathroom, and Kevin watched as sorrowful tears leaked down her face.

He could barely stand it, and after a while stood up, clutching her wrist and dragging her up behind him. She grunted, stumbling and sniffling as her tears fell, leading her back out of the bathroom. He found Aaron, Matt and Dan first, and flung Amira forward into their arms. Dan caught her with ease, eyes wide at the tearful state of her dealer.

“Kevin, what the fuck –”

Kevin waved his hand dismissively and glanced at Aaron who was studying him carefully. He needed to get as far away from this as possible. He couldn’t think, or breathe, without Amira’s words thundering around in his mind. He stepped aside, grabbed Matt’s shirt and pointed at Amira.

“Take her back to Abby’s.”

Aaron looked to Matt & Dan, then back at Kevin, but he had already disappeared from sight.