Chapter Text
"Fuck this. Fuck that. Fuck him. Fuck me. Up the ass. With an axe."
You snarled to yourself as you pushed and slogged through the snow, shoulders hunched against the wind as tiny shards of pain flew into your face and stabbed your eyes. You were very, very under dressed for the terrible chill of Snowdin's forests, but there was no way you were going back to give that asshole the satisfaction of seeing you make a mistake and have to fix it.
You had been here underground for roughly a year and a half; it was hard to tell, since all these dickasses had a different method of measuring time. How you had survived this long was a joke. You, oddly enough, with your mouth that spoke nothing but snark and oil-covered lies, with your tongue that was practiced in bitch and slyness, had been able to talk yourself out of most bad situations by either bribing or making a good point on the upsides of any said demon-spawn monster bastard not killing you. It wasn't always easy, (you had to pay Grillby copious amounts in order for him to back off at least once month) but, hey, studying up on the mechanics of telling and spinning a lie while seeming convincing apparently paid you good stead.
Hell, you'd even made 'friends' of a sort.
Or, as close as you can get to friends down here. Papyrus was still a huge dick and had an enormous stick up his ass about why he hadn't killed you yet, Undyne and Alphys just barely tolerated your existence, you and the robot had a surprisingly large amount of things in common, and Sans...
Sans was a good for nothing, lazy, bitch of an ass bastard.
The very thought of him made your blood curdle and boil. Your skin prickled with unseen bristled hair. Your lips contorted into a probably hideous snarl. Damn him. Damn him to god damn fucking hell, he wasn't worth the shit on the bottom of his shoes.
You shouldered your way past another tree, snapping a "Fuck off, not in the mood" to a passing guard cat, who promptly spat but turned away anyway.
What were you doing here? Why had ever thought coming to this hell under earth was a good idea? Was it foolishness? Was it fate?
Or...
Was it...
Because you...?
Well. Not even you knew the answer.
You remembered only faint glimmers of the world above your head, most of which weren't good things. Humans were assholes. At least monster were upfront about wanting to kill you. If monsters wanted to kill off the human race and be rid of them, it wouldn't be worth the effort.
"Fucking bastard. He can go eat one of Alphys' toxic goo monsters. With acid on top. And... fucking..." Your mind was failing you as you winced against the wind and eventually had to stop. You drew a deep breath and instantly regretted it, the cold sharp in the back of your throat. Since when had Snowdin's been this cold? Sure, it was as icy as your heart, but had it always been this ferocious?
Why had your first instinct been to head for the ruins? Were you hoping, by some stupid slip of chance, that Toriel would, for once, answer your knocking?
Sure, she was deranged with grief and bitter and angry, but so were you. Or at least, you thought you were. Might as well be.
Why hadn't she killed you on the spot, freed all monsters and slain the human race in a surprise attack? Why hadn't Sans? Why hadn't Papyrus? Why hadn't Grillby? Why hadn't Alphys? Why hadn't Undyne? Why had you talked your way out of it? Why hadn't you taken the hint and let them?
You forced your legs to move again, even as it felt like the tendons were snapping and cracking with the effort of it.
Sans. Bastard. Dick. Too thick, too full of himself, too condescending to let you finish a sentence. Too stuck up to help you out this once. Too...
"oh, good, it's the pity committee. i would ask how's it going, but i think how you look says it all." The skeleton lounging on the couch of his living room snickered to himself as you shoved your way inside, soon slamming the cold out behind a closed door.
"Fuck off."
"hey, you came to me, human."
You'd told him a dozen and a million times you had a fucking name. "It's cold as balls outside."
"no, really? color me surprised."
You sat on the table near the door, slipping your coat off of your shoulders carefully. "What's up, shit face?"
"resorting back to insults? i thought you better then that."
"Or don't answer, that's fine too, not like I actually care."
"peachy."
For a while, you snapped back and forth at each other, as you usually did. While you 100% meant your insults, it was hard to tell when he was just pushing your buttons or he really meant you were a lowlife nobody that jumped down here in an attempt to off yourself.
To be honest, you didn't doubt that.
After a while, you both fell quiet. He looked like he was dozing, but the flicker of red in his socket was enough to let you know that wasn't the case. You swung your feet idly, mind wandering for a while.
"What are monster children like?" You suddenly asked, loud in the strange quiet. He blinked his eyes open, sliding you a contemptuous look.
"don't tell me you got yourself knocked up."
"Fuck off, I'm legitimately curious here. I just-"
He chuckled, eyes nearly closing again. "what's it matter? stronger then you, if that's what you're wondering. anyone down here could kill you in an instant if they wanted. myself included. you seem to forget that a lot." He chuckled again, red disk of a pupil lazily sliding to look at you.
"I mean-"
"it sure would be a funny way to see you go, offed by that little bastard that hangs out on waterfall. i'll have to introduce you some time." His grin widened at his own bad joke, but it faltered slightly when he looked at you.
Your fingers were curled into your palms, nails biting into the flesh harshly. Your eyes boiled with frustration and something else that made something clear and wet shine at the bottom of your eyelids. With a huff, you abruptly stood and shoved the door open.
"where you goin'?" He raised an eye brow at you, faintly confused. Normally you would have snapped and snarled at him, given a sarcastic quip, called him a name.
"I would say Hell, but I'm already there."
And the door closed loudly behind you, leaving him even more confused at the vague answer. His gaze trailed back to where you were sitting, finding your coat still lying there in a heap. There was a blizzard brewing outside. You wouldn't last long without the heavy fur coat.
"you'll be back." He said to himself, getting comfortable on the old, beat up couch.
The door to the ruins came into sight. You shuffled up to it, the snow around your ankles no longer hurting and biting like a hundred dead dogs' teeth. You collapsed into the shadow of it, back against the hard, gritty surface. It bit into your shoulders, but you found yourself too tired to care. The wind howled above your head.
A small shuffling and a tiny peep from your hoodie's inner pocket brought you out of a dazed daydream. You pulled the zipper down just a little, pulling the corner back just enough to peer into said pocket.
The tiny, pale orange monster inside lifted its feathered head to you, jaws opening in another peep. The raptor-like creature fluttered its tiny arms, little claws snagging against the pocket's threads. You let out a sigh, carefully covering it up again.
"Sorry, little buddy. Looks like I'm not gonna be the only one to die out here. I should have just left you at Grillby's. Maybe he'd have half a heart for once and find you a good place to stay. Would've done a better job then I have, anyway."
You'd found a small monster egg- big enough to cradle in two hands, but still surprisingly tiny, tinier then you expected- in waterfall, a group of Temmie's contemplating what to do with it. You had barged in and stolen it as they were discussing eating it, barely getting away with your limbs intact.
You had gone to the first monster you could think of when it hatched- Sans. You weren't sure why. He was the closest thing to sane down here. And that wasn't saying much. Maybe if you'd told Toriel you had a baby for her, she would have...
You twisted around, beating a fist against the heavy stone door with all the might you had left in your cold-stiff arms. You beat for an eternity, but there was no response from the other side of the door.
"Fuck." You gave up, slouching again. The stinging in your eyes strengthened, then something hot and liquid ran down your cheeks like molten metal.
Tears.
"Sorry I couldn't save you, buddy. I just can't get up. Too tired. Sorry." You sighed, eventually falling into an uneasy doze as the wind whipped around you and nipped at your face like a thousand hungry kittens.
Sleep eluded you, even as you sought for it. The cold kept you awake.
After what felt like forever, you were jarred out of your emotional numb by crunching coming from up the path. Someone was walking in this direction. Good. Maybe they could finally have what they wanted- your soul. Kill you quicker then this bodiless death that threw cold in your face like Sans spat insults.
You didn't care enough to look up.
"fuck, what are you doing out here? trying to get yourself killed?"
The haziness of your vision sharpened as you recognized the voice. Though it hurt like a bitch, you lifted your head to look at him. Sans, hands stuffed in his pockets, stood there looking at you as if you were insane. Maybe you were.
"Perhaps."
He snorted, shaking his head. "i knew humans were stupid, but you have surpassed my expectations."
"I'm so proud of myself."
For a while, he just stood there, studying you. He didn't know what to make of what you were doing out here. He felt a foreign flash of alarm when tears slid slowly down your cheeks again, and he realized the reason your cheeks were sparkling in the dim was light was because previous tear tracks had frozen there.
Before he could do anything, you spoke again.
"Hey."
"what?"
"I'm useless to this guy. Take him and find him a place to grow up, yeah? Just make sure he doesn't end up as fucked up as you." He watched your clumsily pull part of your jacket open, ready to tell you that was a batshit insane idea when you pulled something carefully out. He'd never seen you treat something so delicately before.
He shuffled a little closer to see what you had cupped in your hands. He felt a jolt of shock when a tiny monster lifted it head from your palm and tilted its head at him. It opened its jaws in a yawn, fluffing up its feathers and letting out a whine when a bolt of wind slid past.
Well. That explained that random question earlier. He was left staring at it for a several moments, until your arms eventually relaxed and brought it to your chest again, away from the open air.
"Found egg in waterfall. Didn't even know if it was still alive, so I waited. Hatched earlier. Wanted some advice, but you were just as an ass, as usual. Not sure what I was expecting. Toriel wouldn't answer. Now I'm gonna die out here." His eye snapped up to you as you let out a long breath, a cloud forming in front of you. "But he doesn't have to. Take him to someone. He deserves better then this."
Your eyelids dropped as he came yet closer. Normally you would have snapped something about personal space, but it seemed your were too tired to care.
"Now you can have what you all wanted, eh? Freedom. Not sure why you crave the surface so much. Ain't so great. Wanna kill humans, maybe? Give it a few years. They'll kill each other off themselves."
He was oddly disturbed by your resignation to the cold. Normally, you kicked and scratched and fought back with a vengeance.
He was fairly certain you weren't always so bitter and angry. He had caught glimpses of another you- you, with morals and standards and a heart too big for your body. He remembered the time he'd aimed a punch for you and missed, cracking his phalanges against the wall behind you. While you had said he deserved it, you also asked if he needed help.
He couldn't just let you die.
He had grown... fond of you, in an odd way. He wasn't sure how to express it, so he had kept on tormenting you. He was afraid that, whenever you started talking, you'd notice him actually taking interest in what you were saying. He couldn't be thought of as soft. Not in a society like this.
But he couldn't just let you die out here, even if it risked his reputation.
You were muttering to yourself when he slipped his arms under you, lifting both you and the small monster tucked into your chest off the snowy stone and against his ribs. You blinked yourself awake, eyes unfocused.
"... What?"
"come on, you fucking moron. i always knew humans were stupid, but you forgetting your coat like that really trumped my expectations."
And then you were in his living room, and you were surprised by the sudden temperature change.
"Didn't..." You shook your head as if it to shake off snow, which you did. "Save him. Not me. Let me die. Be free. What you always wanted. One less thorn in your side."
Sans silently lowered you to the couch, faintly surprised, faintly worried that you weren't fighting him. Trying to get his hands off you. Trying to stand up and struggle away.
"Just... let me die, Sans." You sighed out, eyelids drooping closed. "Go where I belong, then. Hell."
"you're already there."
But you were already asleep.