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It was two weeks after the exchange of power when Kim finally allowed it to hit him. Chay was gone. Chay was gone because Kim had driven him away. He thought he was doing the younger a favor by pushing him away but it had become abundantly clear that Chay wasn’t okay. Now, Kim was finding out that he wasn’t okay either. 

He was drinking. He knew his limits and had purposely surpassed them. All guards had been sent home. He didn’t want too many people to see him like this. He was a mess. A sobbing, heartbroken, begging, twenty-four-year-old mess.   

He needed someone. He was alone, and felt out of control and unsafe with himself. He couldn’t call Kinn, he would be busy and never really comforted him. He couldn’t call Khun, his eldest brother was his own mess and he was in no headspace to babysit. He knew who he could trust and rely on, so he opened his phone and clicked the contact, putting the phone to his ear when he began to hear the line ring. 

“What the fuck? It’s one in the fucking morning.” Vegas sat up while grumbling and picked up his ringing phone from his bedside table, reading the contact name. K. Vegas rubbed a hand over his face before answering. 

“Dude, it’s one in the morning what the hell-” Vegas paused when he heard a sniffle and a muffled sob, “Hey, what’s wrong? I’m here.” Vegas sat up straighter and Pete opened his eyes and held Vegas’s hand. 

“Phi, I fucked up. I fucked up so bad.” Kim finally let himself openly sob into the phone, doing his best to wipe his running nose with tissues. 

“Hey, what’s going on? What do you mean?” Vegas leaned over and turned a lamp on. He could hear Kim trying to catch his breath. 

“I pushed him away, Phi. I pushed him away and now he’ll never come back. I don’t want to be alone. I hate being alone.” Kim continued to sob but Vegas heard a sudden thud on the other side of the line. Kim had collapsed. 

“Okay. Okay, Kimmy. Just hold on a little bit longer and Phi will be there. Stay on the phone with me.” Vegas squeezed Pete’s hand before letting it go. He quickly put on pants and a shirt as he quietly comforted Kim. 

Vegas dropped a kiss on Pete’s forehead before quickly putting on his jogging shoes. He closed and locked the door to their suite behind himself before sprinting down the hallway, down the stairs, and out of the front door. He gestured for one guard to follow him and together they ran the mile-and-a-half to Kim’s apartment. 

“Kim? I’m in front of your building with a guard. I’m coming through the door right now,” Vegas used his key to the front door of the building and went inside, “Okay we're gonna run up the stairs, just hang on.” Vegas and the guard ran to the stairwell and began to ascend that stairs, going much faster than the elevator. 

“Please hurry.” Kim managed to sob into the phone. 

At the fifth floor, Vegas and the guard burst out of the stairwell. They ran down the hall to the last door, the guard keeping watch as Vegas opened the secret drawer in the wall, pulling out the key to the front door. No guards stood nearby, meaning that Kim must have even dismissed the two that were supposed to watch his door. 

“Kim?! It’s just us!” Vegas called as soon as the door was open, he wasn’t about to get shot by his cousin. He looked around and the apartment was a mess. The mess said a lot because Kim never let it get dirty, everything needed to stay spotless or else he would struggle even more with his need to organize. 

“Phi.” A small voice came from the bathroom. Vegas rushed in the direction of the voice while his guard stood in front of the apartment door. What Vegas walked into was awful, like a tornado had ripped up the bathroom. 

Items were scattered all over the floor, a bit of puke was on the tiles but it looked like most of it landed in the toilet bowl, the shower curtain and rod were in the bathtub and must have been pulled down when Kim fell, and in the middle of the chaos was a sobbing and trembling Kim. 

“Jesus Christ, dude, what the hell happened?” Vegas attempted to clean up a bit by picking up a few bottles of product, trying to get through the mess without stepping on anything glass. 

“I lost him. I made him leave. I want him back, he was my best friend.” Kim sobbed, one arm resting on the toilet seat to hold himself up. 

“Okay, who is ‘him’ though?” Vegas finally made his way over to the younger man, kicking things aside so he could sit. 

“Chay. He’s so sweet and was the best thing to happen to me. What am I supposed to do?” Kim’s words slurred, his drunk state not helping with the chaos. 

“Ah, I see. Well, I don’t think that kid has a mean bone in his body. Maybe you can try apologizing and explaining? I don’t know. What I do know is that right now you need to get changed and go to bed after drinking some water.” Vegas stood and tried to get Kim off of the floor. The younger whined and complained, saying he deserved to live in the bathroom with the shit since he was so shitty. 

Vegas sighed and decided to just throw his cousin over his shoulder, walking over to the bedroom while Kim repeated how amazing Chay was and how good of a friend he was. 

“Okay, sit here and I’ll get you some pajamas.” Vegas sat Kim on the foot of the bed and went to his closet to grab him some comfortable clothes. When Vegas went back into the bedroom he nearly screamed. 

“What the fuck, Kim?! Why are you nude?!” Vegas quickly covered his eyes and tossed the shirt and pants at his cousin. Bleach, Bleach would be good right about now. 

“I thought I was changing my clothes?” Kim looked at the pajamas that had fallen at his feet, his drunkenness not aiding in his problem solving skills. 

“You are but you didn’t have to take off your underwear! Just put on the pants I gave you!” Vegas refused to help. No way was he uncovering his eyes while his cousin was in his birthday suit. 

“I can do that. Chay liked pants.” Kim said in a wilted voice, trying to put the pants on but ending up with both legs in the same hole at first. 

“Yeah, I bet. He’s not a nudist.” Vegas still had a hand over his eyes, listening to Kim struggle and making no move to help. 

“Now what?” Kim mumbled, staring at the wadded up shirt on the floor. 

Vegas carefully uncovered his eyes, sighing in relief when he saw that Kim had his pants on, he didn’t care that they were on backwards. 

“Lift your arms so I can put your shirt on.” With a bit of a struggle, the cotton shirt was put on Kim’s body. Vegas then pulled the blankets down and got Kim into bed. He then went and got a glass of water and made Kim drink it. 

“Chay liked naps. Wish he would take a nap with me.” Kim snuggled further into the bedding and Vegas couldn’t help the huffed laugh that left his mouth. 

“Yeah I bet you’d be happy with that. Go to sleep you fucking weirdo.” Vegas turned and walked out of the room, turning off the light as he went and closed the door. Now it was time to start the cleaning process so Kim wouldn’t have a panic attack when he woke up tomorrow.

Chapter Text

The next day, Kim woke up but felt ridiculously warm. He tried to move but his stomach lurched and his head throbbed, his heartbeat pounding in his ears. He couldn’t help the groan that escaped him as he covered his eyes. 

“Hey, Kimmy. You’re okay. It’s just Phi. Let me wipe down your arms and face again.” Kim startled at the voice next to the bed. Vegas?

“What happened?” Kim let his arm be pulled from under the blanket and shuddered as a cool cloth wiped over it. 

“You had one of the worst mental breakdowns I’ve ever seen you have last night.” Vegas kept his voice low and continued to wipe down the skin he could reach. 

“Oh God, did I make myself look like an idiot?” Kim refused to open his eyes and he grimaced when he heard Vegas chuckle. 

“Oh yeah, you were the biggest idiot last night,” Suddenly the energy in the room changed and Kim prepared himself, “You talked about Porchay a lot. How you miss him and you fucked up by pushing him away. Do you want to talk about it?” Vegas let the question hang in the air, not forcing Kim to share. 

“I, I honestly don’t know where to start.” Kim said, eyes still closed. It was easier to talk when he didn’t look at anyone. 

“Can you tell me what happened? How you made him leave?” Vegas sat on the side of the bed where Kim wasn’t lying, waiting patiently for his cousin to speak. Kim sighed and nodded. 

“We were at his and Porsche’s house when I did the first thing. We um, we napped together, and when we woke up, Chay said he loved me. I didn’t let myself say it back. I know that that hurt him. I just, started distancing myself after that and eventually said what I could to hurt him and make him think I hated him and used him. It was awful, Phi. I have done so many awful things but that definitely hurt the most.” Kim couldn’t help the sniffle that escaped him or how his voice wobbled. When he had done that it had felt like he was ripping his own heart out and setting it on fire. 

Vegas gently and slowly laid down, letting Kim feel the bed move. He then carefully held Kim’s hand that wasn’t covering his swollen and bloodshot eyes. 

“It sounds like you really hurt him, but that you did it because you cared. I’m sorry that it had to be that way.” Vegas rubbed his thumb over the back of his cousin’s hand, trying his best to soothe him. 

“Now that Pa is dead, I have no reason to be away from him. I wish I had known that Chay didn’t have to leave.” Kim finally sobbed. His soul ached and he was so distraught that he didn’t even fight Vegas when he pulled the younger to his side. 

“I’m sorry, Kim. I really am.” Vegas whispered, wincing a bit when Kim shifted and accidentally pulled on his fresh scar. 

The two spent the morning that way, Kim allowing himself to finally cry and Vegas not leaving his little cousin’s side.

Chapter Text

It was a month later, after a meeting, that Kim saw him next. He had been sitting at a table discussing some things with Kinn and Porsche when the door opened and the figure walked in, Kim had frozen, tears filling his eyes. 

“Hey Hia, chef said to tell you and Kinn-” Chay saw Kim and also froze.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll leave. Sorry.” Kim quickly picked up his folders and walked swiftly past Chay and out of the room, careful to not brush shoulders with the younger. 

“Okay, that’s it, tell me what the fuck happened, Kinn, leave.” Kinn got up without a word, not about to argue with Porsche when he sounded this angry.

“Hia, I really don’t-”

“I didn’t ask. Sit.” Porsche held up a hand and cut his brother off, gesturing to the chair across from him to make Chay sit there. 

“Hia, it’s fine, we had a falling out.” Chay wouldn’t look at Porsche, picking at his fingers as his anxiety tried to eat him alive.

“A falling out wouldn’t have one of the most emotionally constipated people I have ever met crying at this table in seconds. Spill. No judgment.” Porsche sat back and sipped his water.

“Well, um, so yeah, it was more than a falling out. You were really busy so I didn’t tell you.” Chay paused and looked up just barely, Porsche looked right back at him.

“Okay, but I know you. Who did you tell?” Porsche made sure to keep his voice as calm as possible. It hurt that Chay hadn’t told him but he understood. 

“Um, I uh, I went to Khun about it. I didn’t tell him much, just that me and Kim weren’t friends anymore and that I was really upset.” Chay looked back down, ashamed about having kept a secret from his brother. 

“I’m proud of you,” Chay’s head whipped up and his eyes were wide in shock, “I’m proud that you didn’t hide what happened, I’m glad you told someone even though it wasn’t me. I can imagine Khun didn’t give you good advice though.” Porsche watched as his brother’s shoulders came up and he had the conscience to look ashamed. 

“Well uh, he told me to dye my hair and go out with my friends. I um, I almost took something illegal but-” Chay stopped, how was he supposed to tell his brother about this?

“But?” Porsche had a knowing glint in his eyes, he wasn’t stupid. 

“Um, well, Kim came up to us out of nowhere. He sort of got a bit aggressive with the ones trying to get me to take the pill. He tried to talk to me but I told him to go away.” Chay’s ears blushed a bit and Porsche had to fight back a smirk. 

“Okay, so Khun did his best and Kim saved the day. Anything else you want to tell me?” Porsche watched as his brother struggled with his thoughts. Chay finally spoke up. 

“He was really mean, Hia. He hurt me really bad,” Porsche tried to hide how his muscles tensed, “We um, we cuddled, and I was stupid and said I loved him, he didn’t say it back. He got a bit distant and then finally told me he had just been using me for information and that none of it was real.” Chay let his head fall forward, his hair covering his eyes but Porsche didn’t miss the tears that fell. 

“Thank you for telling me, Chay. Come here. I’m not angry with you, okay? It’s alright.” Porsche stood and let Chay hug him tightly, carefully petting his little brother's hair as the younger sobbed into his chest. Porsche was not nearly as calm as he was pretending to be. 

“Go find Khun and watch some shows with him, okay? I’ll come find you when I finish these meetings,” Porsche called in the guard who was outside the door, “Please tell the chef that I’m sorry but Kinn and I have to cancel. Go on, Chay, I’ll find you in a little while.” Porsche gave Chay a smile before shooing him out the door.

“Get Kinn in here, we need to have a discussion.” Porsche took his suit jacket off and stretched his arms. 

Chapter Text

“Tell me the truth or I will stab you. Did you do what Chay said you did? And don’t even try to tell me no, Chay is incapable of lying.” Porsche growled at the fearful man standing in front of him. Kim looked to his brother for help. 

“Nope, don’t look at me. I know what happened and you will be getting no help from me right now.” Kinn crossed his arms over his chest and watched as Kim drooped. 

“I had to. Pa told me he was watching him and that the minor family was watching him. I just couldn’t let him get hurt, then he was kidnapped and I tried so hard to stop them, they took him anyway. I was there, you know, I made sure he got out of there with you all, I just didn’t let you see me. I didn’t want to hurt him, I had to.” Kim kept staring at the floor, refusing to let himself cry in front of these two men. 

“How do you plan to apologize?” Porsche decided to sit down, refusing to relax his body.

“I, what? I don’t think I should, I mean, he hates me now.” Kim looked up at Porsche, shocked that he even suggested that.

“Chay doesn’t hate you. He’s extremely hurt. He has decided to work on himself because of this, actually. He’s going to join guard training.” Porsche said, watching as panic filled Kim’s face.

“No! I did this to keep him out of that kind of danger! Please, you have to stop him!” Kim was prepared to get on his knees and fucking beg. Porsche smirked. 

“He won’t be joining the guards. He will just be training like one,” Porsche watched Kim sag with relief, “So, how do you plan to apologize?” The older watched as the twenty-year-old in front of him looked back down at his trembling hands. 

“I need to work on myself first. I can’t just try to become his friend again when I’m so messed up. I don’t have an apology planned.” Kim waited and he began tapping his foot. One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four, five. 

“Good answer. I’ll be checking back in with you once a week to keep track of your personal progress. You may leave.” Porsche expected Kim to immediately flee, but he seemed stuck to his chair, his foot tapping and he didn’t move, he barely breathed. 

“Kim, you can go now.” Kinn said from where he stood, watching as his little brother ignored even him. Something was wrong. 

“Kim? Kim, can you hear us?” Porsche got up and walked around the table, when he tried to put his hand on Kim’s shoulder, the younger violently threw his hand away from his body. One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four, five. 

“Kim. Enough, get up and go.” Kinn tried to use a stern voice, hoping it would snap his little brother out of whatever he was doing. Nothing.

“Kinn! Why is Chay now in my room cry-” Khun burst through the door and froze, “Kim? Kim, it’s Phi, “He slowly walked forward, “Kim? God damnit, what did you two do to him?!” Khun whirled around and immediately glared at the other two men in the room. 

“I scolded him for hurting my brother and we had a chat.” Porsche crossed his arms over his chest, he was not about to apologize.

“For fuck’s sake,” Khun whirled back around and knelt next to his brother, “Kim, it’s okay, no one here is going to hurt you, right?” Khun turned around and growled at the other two. 

“I, uh, may have said I would stab him if he didn’t talk.” Porsche admitted, having the decency to look a built guilty. 

“You absolute idiot! Okay, Kim, it’s going to be okay. I’m just going to grab your cell phone. It’s just Phi, don’t panic.” Khun gently reached into Kim’s pocket and retrieved his cell phone, unlocking it with his finger print. 

“What the hell do you need his phone for? Who are you calling?” Kinn demanded, also on edge. 

“Shut the hell up, you’ve both done plenty.,” Khun hissed as he dialed the first speed dial number, it rang twice, “Yes, hi, no it’s Khun, listen, Kim needs you. I will tell the guards to let you through. Yes, I’m sure it will be safe. Yes, it’s very bad, hurry.” Khun hung up the phone and tossed it on the table before pulling up a chair to sit next to his youngest brother who was still tapping his foot. 

“Who the hell are you letting in?” Kinn was livid now, he was supposed to be in charge here. 

“Whoever the hell I want. It’s no one dangerous.” Khun had pulled out his phone and was now adding everyone necessary to a group chat so he could tell them all to let their guest through. 

Kinn growled and left the room, Porsche not following. His eyes were frozen on Kim who had now begun to mumble as his foot tapped. One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four, five.

“What did I do to him?” Porsche’s voice wobbled and he had to sit down. 

“He is more fragile than he lets on. Just be quiet while we wait,” Khun said softly, “Just hang in there, Kim. He’s on his way right now.” Khun made sure not to touch his brother, leaving him to try and soothe himself. 

It was ten minutes later when the door flew open, pushed so hard it slammed into the wall behind it. 

“Kim? Kimmy, it’s okay. It’s Vegas. Phi is here, you’re okay.” Vegas quickly walked over and dropped to his knees in front of Kim, trying to get into his line of sight. 

“I’m so sorry.” Porsche murmured, frozen in his seat, a tear track running down one cheek. 

“What the fuck did you do to him?” Vegas growled over his shoulder, eyes furious. 

“I must have been too strict when I scolded him. He hurt Chay and I just, I wanted answers. I didn’t know he would react like this.” Porsche just stared, he was obviously not handling this well. 

“Ah, for fuck’s sake, Kimmy, it’s okay now. Porsche, get out, you’re only a threat right now.” Vegas didn’t turn from where he was trying to help Kim. With a last apology, Porsche fled the room. 

“Teach me what to do. How do I help him?” Khun wiped a tear away and took a deep breath to steady himself. 

“He needs to be pulled from the loop but you have to be careful, gentle. Kimmy, look at Phi. Come on, you can do it,” Kim managed to move his eyes to look at Vegas, “There you go, kid. Slowly. How many more do you think you need?” Vegas watched as Kim swallowed, once, twice. 

“I don’t know.” Kim managed to whisper, his foot still tapping, his brain still counting. 

“Okay, that’s okay. We can sit here as long as you need. Can Khun stay?” Vegas watched as Kim’s eyes flicked to the side, he managed to nod. 

The three sat together while Vegas told Kim about his day, how he and Pete were going on a dinner date that night, how he had both of their outfits picked out and was excited to try this new place that had Pete’s favorite food. Vegas then moved on to how he and Pete were thinking of getting a dog in a while, maybe a few months. Khun began talking about his new show he was watching and how he thought the main male lead was a bit like Kim, how he really liked the songs too, Vegas snuck the older man a thumbs up. 

“Okay, I’m done.” Kim said quietly. 

“Okay, up. Let’s go to your suite for now.” Vegas stood and helped Kim from his chair, Khun watching carefully. 

Together, the three walked to Kim’s suite and once inside, Kim started looking around. Vegas knew what was coming.

“It’s wrong. Fuck, it’s all wrong.” Kim ran a stressed hand through his hair and Khun looked at the immaculate space in front of him. 

“What’s wrong, Kim? What’s going on?” Khun asked, wanting to help. 

“The furniture, and the decorations. They’re in the wrong spots, they can’t stay like that.” Kim walked forward and began rearranging, Khun moved to help but was stopped by a gentle hand on his arm. 

“This part he has to do himself. Best thing to do is just stay out of the way while keeping an eye on him.” Vegas whispered, Khun nodding his head. They both walked over to the kitchen island and took a seat on the stools there, carefully watching Kim as he rearranged the living room. 

Kim stood still in the middle of the room after a while but his hands still shook at his sides. He then walked to a door and opened it, going inside. Khun and Vegas got up to watch through the door as Kim began stripping his bed, he then walked to the washing machine in the bathroom and tossed everything in, setting the load to heavy, he then went to a closet in the hallway and pulled out spare bedding, going back to his room and remaking the bed.

“Something still isn’t right. What do I need? Oh!” Kim speedwalked from the room to a different closet and pulled out a vacuum cleaner. He spent the next twenty minutes making sure every possible surface that could be vacuumed had been gone over three times. He shut the vacuum off and suddenly sat on the ground with a massive sigh. 

“How are you feeling, Kimmy? Need anything?” Vegas kept a gentle hand on Khun’s arm to make sure his older cousin was also doing okay. 

“Water.” Kim whispered from his spot on the floor. Khun immediately went to get him water, knowing he liked it from his pitcher in the refrigerator. 

“Feeling a bit better?” Vegas carefully walked over and sat near Kim, careful to keep to no physical contact.

“Yeah. Really tired.” Kim said just as Khun walked back in with a glass of cold water. He handed it to Vegas when he reached for it. He held it out for Kim who carefully took it, at first taking only a sip but then beginning to take large gulps. 

“Slowly, you’ll get a brain freeze.” Vegas softly chuckled, watching as Kim made himself slow down. 

“Is there anything else you need, Kim?” Khun carefully asked, doing his best to keep his voice quiet like Vegas was doing. 

“I think I just need some downtime for now. I’m really tired, Phi.” Kim stayed on the floor, having to use both hands to hold his glass. Vegas reached towards the glass but paused to let Kim decide to hand it to him. 

Khun stayed in the doorway and watched as Vegas carefully helped his brother. He didn’t know Vegas could be this gentle, he didn’t know that Kim trusted Vegas this much either. 

Carefully, Vegas got Kim off of the floor and sat him on the foot of the bed then went to grab him some pajamas. 

“Is there anything I can do? Anything else you need?” Khun asked, watching as his brother silently shook his head and stared at the floor. 

Vegas came back with a shirt and shorts and held them out to Kim who attempted to take them but his hands were shaking and his grip was weak. Vegas offered to help him change but Kim’s head turned slightly towards Khun, indicating his discomfort. Without being told, Khun backed out of the room and closed the door, giving his brother the privacy he needed. 

A bit later, Khun got a text. 

Hey, he’s not letting me go so I’ll be in here while he naps. 

You can leave or stay out there, it’s up to you. 

Khun sighed and got comfortable on the couch, he wasn’t about to leave when it was obvious that his brother wasn’t okay. He decided to send a text to his brother and Porsche. 

You both fucked up. Do this again and I’ll take a finger 

off of each of you. :) 

He then called the kitchen to order soup and some cut up fruit. He also made sure to order a few slices of the cake of the day to attempt to cheer up his brother. 

Chapter Text

It was a few hours later when Vegas finally came out of the bedroom, shutting the door as quietly as possible. He saw Khun on the couch watching a show, gripping the remote so tightly his knuckles were white. 

“Hey, he’s still sleeping. He really wore himself out.” Vegas said quietly, Khun not turning towards him. The older was currently incapable of eye contact. 

“Let him sleep as long as he needs. I ordered food he likes, it’s in the refrigerator.” Khun said, his voice serious and his eyes sharp instead of their usual wide, wild, and sparkling look. 

“Khun, he’ll be okay. He’s safe and has us.” Vegas walked over and sat on the opposite end of the couch, staring at the TV as well. He watched as the characters fought off their enemies, working together to defeat the group who wielded swords and magic.

“That’s the thing, he’s not okay. He pretends to be but he’s not. I should have seen it. How did I not see it? He doesn’t show it well but he needed my help and-”

“Khun, it’s not your fault.” Vegas interrupted his cousin, the older man freezing, a tear fell down his cheek.   

“How long has this been happening? How long did he need my help and I wasn’t there for him? Don’t lie to me, Vegas.” Khun continued to stare ahead.

“Since he was ten years old, it’s been over eleven years.” Vegas said, watching Khun carefully. The older sucked in a hurt breath. 

“A decade. He needed me for over a decade. Shit.” Khun dropped his head into his hands, his shoulders shaking, remote dropped onto the couch cushion beside him.  

“You didn’t know. It’s not your fault.” Vegas said firmly. 

“But he told you. He didn’t trust me to help him. I didn’t do well enough so he could trust me.” Khun didn’t look up, doing his best to not loudly sob.

“He knew you weren’t in a space to handle it. He would have asked Kinn but Kinn’s version of helping was shooting things.” Vegas looked down at where he was picking at the seam on his pants leg, remembering when Kim had called him the first time. How the little boy had begged him to come over because no one was helping him. 

“I failed him. I won’t let that happen again.” Khun sat up, a determined look on his face. He wiped his tears and took a big breath, sitting back against the couch. 

“We can both look after him. Deal?” Khun finally turned to Vegas and held out his hand to the man who had asked the question. 

“Deal.” 

Chapter Text

Kim woke up alone, he didn’t mind. When he checked his phone he saw that he had slept for five hours. Yeah, time to get up. He tossed the covers back, shivering at the sudden rush of cold air. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, pausing when he got dizzy. He then carefully stood and walked to the bedroom door, pausing just before gripping the handle. 

Khun saw. He knows. What is he going to think of me? Is he going to be upset that I didn’t tell him? Shit. Okay, one problem at a time. Just open the door and you can ask him. It’ll be okay. Vegas will protect you. 

With a deep breath, Kim slowly opened the door. He was met with two pairs of eyes turning to him, both filled with concern. Kim shyly rubbed the back of  his neck. 

“Hey.” He managed to force out of his throat, his voice a bit scratchy and rough. 

“Hey, little brother. Feeling better?” Khun paused his show, giving Kim his full attention. 

“Yeah, um, the attack stopped and I slept. Why are you still here?” Kim watched as Khun flinched slightly at his question. 

“I’m here because I care. I’m here because you needed support. I should have been here the whole time this has been happening. I’m sorry for not being someone you could go to for help, I hope I can prove to you that I can be that person now. I can be one of the people you go to for help.” Khun watched as Kim’s eyes got a distant look in them, how his breathing slowed to almost nothing. 

“Kim, this is only a conversation. I am not expecting anything from you. It’s alright, take a big breath.” Khun said, watching as Kim’s hands began to tremble. Vegas sat back, letting Khun try to handle this on his own. 

When there was no response, Khun got up and carefully walked over to his little brother, remembering how Vegas had gotten his attention in the conference room. Khun got his face into Kim’s line of sight, gently holding the younger’s hands. 

“I’ve got you, you’re safe. Just breathe for me, Kim,” Kim sucked in a sudden large breath and Khun smiled, “There you go, little brother. Nice and slow. It’s just me and Vegas, no one else.” Kim finally looked up and met Khun’s eyes as tears filled his own. Suddenly Kim yanked his hands away and scrubbed at his face, hating to show his tears to anyone. 

“What happened?” The youngest asked, obviously having gone into a blackout. 

“You froze, but that’s okay. You came out of it really fast, I’m proud of you.” Khun took the sudden change in his little brother in stride, not even batting an eye. 

“I uh, I remember what you said, um, can we just, I don’t know, take it slow?” Kim refused to look up, picking at the hem of his shirt. 

“Of course we can, how about we start with dinner? I ordered food while you were sleeping and it’s in the refrigerator. You can pick the show or movie too if you want one on.” Khun smiled when Kim managed to nod his head. The oldest walked to the kitchen and began getting everything ready. 

“You did very well letting him help you. I’m proud of you.” Vegas said quietly from his spot on the couch, a small smile on his face. 

“Thank you.” Was whispered back to the man on the couch.

Chapter Text

It was another month later when Kim finally had his first therapy appointment. Khun had told him about his therapist and how he had vetted her and trusted her. Khun had also explained that she did home visits so Kim wouldn’t have to worry about leaving the compound to go someplace strange. The anxious man had hesitated for a few weeks but finally decided to bite the bullet. 

“So, tell me about yourself, Kim. What had you make an appointment?” Lin said from her chair, a laptop at the ready. 

“Um. Well, I-” Kim couldn’t get himself to say it. To admit that he needed help meant admitting to weakness. To be weak was to be vulnerable. To be vulnerable meant you were easy to hurt. He was scared. 

“That’s alright, maybe we can talk about that at our next appointment. Would you like to tell me about what you like to do? Hobbies?” Lin watched as Kim’s eyes suddenly lit up. 

“I make music. I sing, play instruments, produce, I’ve even helped shoot my own music videos. I really love the guitar but singing is also a top passion of mine.” Kim let a very small smile appear on his face, Lin carefully not mentioning it. 

“What about music has you so enraptured?” Lin asked, typing away on her computer, her glasses perched carefully on her nose.

“It’s the way I talk with the world. I let my thoughts and emotions out into the world while I sing. I write myself into every word of every song. Every note on a guitar is like I’m speaking in a different language that every person can understand.” Kim stared at his clasped hands, trying to not let his leg bounce. 

“That sounds very beautiful, Kim. It’s a very good thing that you have that for yourself. If you could pick one song to say who you are, what song of yours would you pick?” Lin watched as Kim thought, letting silence fill the room, noticing how Kim’s leg began to jiggle. 

“I think I would choose my song Repentance. I wrote it shortly after I ruined one of the most important friendships I’ve ever had. I wanted to let the universe know how sorry I am and that I never meant to cause so much damage. I wanted to let the universe know that I was ready to do whatever I could to repent and atone.” Kim got very quiet, his leg began to bounce in a rhythm, his hands trembling a bit. 

“Kim, that was brave of you to share, remember, you are safe here. Vegas is right outside, too. You are doing so well. Take some deep breaths, four seconds in, hold for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds, hold for four seconds, breathe in…” Lin’s voice somehow calmed him, allowing him to follow her instructions. He knew Vegas was right outside and all he had to do was scream and his cousin would come save him. He focused on his breathing, counting along, relaxing his muscles as best as he could when prompted. After a few minutes his mind began to clear, a couple more minutes and the panic washed away. 

“What the hell? How did you do that?” Kim looked at both hands, his eyes wide as they ceased their shaking, his leg still bounced but at a much calmer speed. 

“It’s a breathing exercise I would like you to practice. It regulates your nervous system. Panic attacks are your brain thinking you are being chased by a rabid bear, breathing and relaxing your muscles can help to tell your brain that there is no bear.” Lin smiled when Kim allowed himself to let out a small chuckle. 

“I’ll remember that and I’ll practice.” Kim finally got the courage to look up, making brief eye contact with Lin before looking back down. The therapist smiled. 

“That was a very good first appointment, Kim. I think this is a good ending point. Would you like to do the same time and same day next week?” Lin smiled when she got a small ‘okay’ from the twenty-one year old sitting in front of her, quickly adding the appointment to her calendar. 

Kim stood and said thank you before leaving the room, leaving Lin in her chair with her laptop. 

“Hey, want to go get lunch?” Vegas stood up from the chair he had waited in, taking note of how tired Kim looked. 

“Um, maybe somewhere quiet?” Kim didn’t make eye contact but Vegas didn’t care. 

“I think I know just the place.” Vegas said with a glint in his eye. 

The two men went down to the garage and got into Vegas’s favorite car that he had driven to the compound. Kim kept asking where they were going but Vegas refused to tell. 

As they drove, the buildings became more sparse, more trees began to pop up. Vegas rolled the windows down to get Kim to take in some fresh air. 

After an hour of driving, they finally pulled into the parking lot of a random building. Nothing about it seemed to be special. Kim gave Vegas a look but the older man only wiggled his eyebrows at him. 

The two walked in together and stopped at a podium where Vegas checked in for a reservation. 

“Dude, seriously? A reservation? What if I had said no?” Kim sassed as he and Vegas followed the waiter to an empty patio that had a waist height fence around it. Odd. 

“If you had said no, Pete and I would’ve had a lunch date. Be grateful I gave that up for you.” Vegas said as he sat, watching Kim as he also sat down at the table. 

As they looked over the menu both men sat in silence, Vegas feeling too lazy to talk and Kim was lost in his thoughts about his appointments. They began to order when the waiter came back out when a twig in the woods snapped. Kim jumped and reached for the throwing knife he had tucked into his boot, about to throw it until he saw what had caused the sound. A deer? Kim turned to Vegas with narrowed eyes. 

“Surprise,” Vegas cheered quietly, “Don’t give me that face, you love animals and many people know it.” Kim flushed at Vegas’s teasing. A hand appeared in Kim’s peripheral vision. 

“These are special crackers for the deer. You won’t die if you eat them but they don’t taste good. I suggest breaking them into smaller pieces to have more bits to give to the deer. Enjoy and I will be out with your food shortly.” The waiter smiled as Vegas softly thanked him. 

Kim watched the single deer approach the fence where it politely stopped and waited. God fucking damn it. Kim couldn’t just let it stand there and pout. With a sigh, he picked up the bag that had been left on the table, crunching it between his hands to break up the crackers inside. Vegas wisely kept his mouth shut. 

Kim slowly walked over to the deer, oblivious to his cousin recording him. He pulled out a bit of cracker and carefully held it out, a soft smile crossing his face when the deer gently took the food from his hand. As Kim kept feeding the quiet animal, a small cry came from the woods. A baby stepped out and Kim just about melted. Vegas stayed in his chair, taking pictures while mentally patting himself on the back. 

Once the baby got close enough, Kim reached a hand out to coax it closer. He didn’t feed it since he didn’t want to upset its small stomach. The little creature walked closer and eventually let Kim pet it, Vegas taking more pictures so he could show Pete later. 

When Kim heard their plates being set down, he stood, doing his best not to frighten the gentle animals in front of him. As he turned around the waiter showed him an outdoor sink where he could wash his hands. After throwing away the paper bag and drying his hands, Kim went to sit back down with his cousin. 

“Please don’t tease me.” Kim asked as he sat back down in his chair. 

“I won’t, I promise. Let’s eat, yeah?” 

Chapter Text

Two months after his first appointment, Kim finally told Lin what was going on and what he needed help for. 

“Okay, so from what you’re telling me, this sounds like panic disorder, PTSD, and OCD. Is there anything else that you feel comfortable sharing that may help me diagnose you?” Lin looked up from her laptop, watching as Kim fidgeted. 

“No, that was everything. Are you going to send me to a psych ward?” Kim started counting as he bounced his leg. One, two, three, four, five. 

“Absolutely not. You aren’t an immediate danger to yourself or others so I see no need for that. Even if you were, I would ask your cousin and brother for help as I think an inpatient stay wouldn’t work for you.” Lin watched on and let Kim practice remembering his tools. She smiled when she noticed him using his square breathing, how he closed his eyes and started murmuring facts to himself about where he was, who was with, and facts about himself. He calmed himself down in fifteen minutes. 

“I did it. On my own. I did it on my own.” A small relieved laugh escaped Kim and Lin praised him. 

“You did amazing! Well done! You did so well catching yourself and using your tools. Would you like to continue the session or do you think that’s enough for one day?” Lin let Kim slow down his giddiness and ponder. 

“I think I want to end here while I’m still in a good mood, maybe next time I can talk more.” Kim took a few deep breaths, saying no still scared him. 

“Okay, sounds good. I’ve put you in for your usual time and day. I’ll see you later.” Lin said with a smile. Kim wasted no time racing from the room, excited to tell his cousin and brother the new information over lunch. 

When he arrived at the garden, he easily spotted the table with two other people sitting at it and walked over.

“Well hey there, how’d it go? Anything you want to tell us?” Khun asked as Kim sat down, carefully watching his little brother for signs of distress. 

“So I got diagnosed. Panic disorder, OCD, and PTSD. I also managed my panic attack on my own for the first time.” Kim smiled at the table, shy yet proud of himself. 

“Oh that’s amazing! I’m so proud of you!” Khun quietly squealed, clapping his hands gently. Khun was working on the no sudden loud noises rule he had been told about.

“I knew you could do it. You’ve been working really hard. I’m glad you can have some validation with those diagnoses too.” Vegas said as he poured Kim a glass of ice water. 

The trio continued to chat over lunch, content to breathe the fragrant air. Everything was spoiled when Khun spotted a figure walking over to their table. 

“Kinn is coming, act natural.” Khun said before the man came within hearing distance. 

“Hey, mind if I take a seat?” Kinn tried to stay relaxed, but he felt oddly stressed. He had something important to say to Kim.

“Sure, glad to have you, brother. Any news to share? Any gossip?” Khun grinned as he watched a smile sneak its way onto his younger brother's face as he pulled out the last chair and sat. 

“No gossip unfortunately, but a bit of news. Porchay’s twenty-first birthday is coming up in two weeks, Porsche has asked that all three of you, as well as Pete, be invited.” Kinn watched as his younger brother choked on his water, Vegas patting Kim’s back. 

“Ooooh, drama! I do love some good pot-stirring!” Khun clapped his hands loudly this time, a grin on his face gave away how much he was enjoying this. Kim coughed once more and then cleared his throat. 

“Um, I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to go. What I did, I don’t want to ruin his birthday.” Kim looked down at where his hands lay tightly clasped together in his lap. Kinn sighed. 

“Don’t tell anyone I showed you this. I snuck a picture of the texts Porsche showed me. Not a word to anyone.” Kinn got a nod from Kim and silence from the other two men at the table. 

Kiddo 4:22 p.m.

Hey, did you get the guest list sorted out?

Big Bro 4:25 p.m.

Yep! Everyone has been invited, now just waiting to hear back!

Kiddo 4:37 p.m.

Hia, I think I want to add one more person.

Big Bro 4:39 p.m.

Sure thing! Who is it so I can get the invite sent?

Kiddo 4:45 p.m.

I want to invite Phi Kim.

That’s where the picture cut off. Kim was frozen in his seat, staring at the phone in front of him, reading the conversation over and over. This has to be a joke. 

“What did you do to him? Earth to Kim.” Khun watched on nervously, trying but failing to get his littlest brother’s attention, Vegas watched with an amused expression.

“Uh, did I break him?” Kinn tried to pull the phone back but Kim snatched his wrist, keeping the screen in front of his face. 

“Well, whatever you showed him has him in shock. Here, hold on.” Vegas got up, glass in hand. He pulled slightly on the back of Kim’s collar and tipped two ice cubes down the back of his cousin’s shirt. 

“What the fuck?! Vegas!” Kim quickly stood, releasing Kinn, and shook the ice out of his shirt, picking up the cubes to throw at Vegas’s head. 

“You’re welcome, dipshit. Now, do you have an answer?” Vegas laughed as Kim froze again.

“He said he wanted to invite you and Porsche told me he was sending out an extra invite to someone. It’s really up to you.” Kinn watched as Kim kept standing as he stared at nothing. 

“I don’t know. What if he regrets it? Or what if he sees me and it ruins his day?” Kim lifted a hand to his mouth and chewed on his fingernails. 

“Or, what if it goes well? What if he sees you and feels a little better? What if you two can try to be friends again?” Kinn said, trying his best to help. Vegas raised a surprised eyebrow while Khun’s eyes almost fell out of his head. Kinn was helping? 

Kim groaned, dropping his face into his hands and his shoulders scrunching up. He tried to remember to breathe but he was so scared. 

“Kim, remember your breathing.” Khun said from his seat. He watched as his youngest brother sucked in a breath, keeping his face covered as he worked to stabilize himself. 

“What’s going on? What’s happening to him?” Kinn whispered to Vegas, getting a shrug in response. 

“Not my place to tell you, cousin.” Vegas kept his eyes on Kim and Kinn nodded. He wasn’t about to look away while his little cousin could end up needing him. 

“Fucking hell.” Kim sat down in the grass, his hands shaking but his breathing under control. 

Kinn grabbed the spare glass and filled it with more water, moving to kneel next to Kim, urging him to drink a bit. Kim took the glass with shaky hands and tried to drink. He spilled a bit and Kinn passed him his handkerchief to dry his chin with. 

“Kim, can you tell me what’s going on? What this is? I want to help but I can’t do that if I don’t know what’s happening.” Kinn asked gently, sitting in the grass despite wearing an expensive suit. Vegas kept a careful eye on the duo and Khun snuck a couple pictures, sending one to Porsche.

Bad Bitch 2:37 p.m.

Your man is getting dirt on his suit

(photo attached)

Vroom Vroom 2:38 p.m.

Shit, everything okay? Do I need to come get him?

He’s not upsetting him is he?

Bad Bitch 2:39 p.m.

It’s actually going fairly well. Let him stay. 

Vroom Vroom 2:40 p.m.

Okay, but text if you need me to come down. 

Bad Bitch 2:41 p.m. 

Will do, but I think it’ll be fine. 

(picture attached)

So Khun sent a couple photos of his brothers bonding, sue him. It was cute and he had to let Porsche see. 

“You don’t have to tell me, Kim. You never have to tell me if you aren’t ready.” Kinn got a nervous nod in return, Kim afraid to look him in the eyes. Then his little brother took a big breath and let it out slowly. 

“Panic disorder. I have panic disorder. There’s other stuff but I’m not ready to say that yet.” Kim’s entire body began to tremble as he prepared for what his brother would say to him. He’s going to laugh. He's going to laugh and what if he says I need to get over it?  He's going to tell me I'm weak and making the family look bad. What if-

“I’m so proud of you for telling me. That must have been really scary.” Kinn said gently and Kim was shocked enough that he quickly looked at his brother out of the corner of his eye. Kinn looked sincere with a small smile on his face. 

“I um, I don’t want to tell you anything else.” Kim managed to whisper. 

“That’s fine. I stand by what I said. You never have to tell me anything that you aren’t ready to tell me.” Kinn picked up the glass from where Kim had set it down in the grass. The older got up carefully and walked to the table to set the glass down, Vegas closely watching him. 

“Thank you for helping him, both of you. I think I’ve put enough on him though. I’m gonna head out,” Kinn nodded to both men at the table then walked over to where Kim was still on the ground, he held his hand out, “Come on, let me help you up. There you go.” Kinn gently led Kim to his seat and said a quiet goodbye before heading back inside. 

“I think I need a nap.” Kim said, visibly wilting. His cousin and brother didn't hesitate to get up and walk him inside. 

Chapter Text

A week later, Kim got a fancy-looking envelope in his mail. He knew what it was and he knew better than to open it alone. He texted Vegas and asked if he would be okay coming over for dinner and attached a picture of the envelope. Vegas texted back, ‘sure but I’m bringing Pete’.  

It was six at night when a knock on his door made Kim jump. He got up and opened it, Vegas and Pete were standing on the other side. 

“Hey! It’s been a while!” Pete opened his arms, letting Kim decide if he wanted a hug or not. The younger man easily went to the guard, engaging in a short embrace. Vegas knew not to offer. 

“Hey. Um, come in. I have dinner on the way.” Kim held the door open for the couple, fidgeting as they took their shoes off and traded them for slippers.

“So do you want to do it now or later?” Pete asked, a smile on his face and his body language open. He wasn’t about to let Kim avoid the letter. Kim was glad that Vegas had brought him but damn did Pete read him too well. 

“I don’t think I want to wait any longer, honestly.” Kim brought them to his kitchen table where the envelope lay, torturing Kim. 

“Okay, go ahead.” Pete sat down with Vegas, Kim choosing to stand. 

The youngest picked up the envelope addressed to him. He stared at it and then looked back to Pete and Vegas, Pete nodding his head with a gentle smile. Kim took a deep breath and opened the envelope. 

It had his name written on it, the date, time, and place for when the party would be happening. There was a small envelope and card inside. He would just have to check a box and write his name on the card before sending it back to the address that the invitation came from. It was just a small card and yet he was so sure he would throw up from the anxiety. 

“So, what does it say?” Pete encouraged Kim. Sure, he and Vegas had gotten their own two days earlier but he wanted Kim to talk through this. 

“Um, it’s got all the information on it, and um, Chay signed it. I have to fill out this little card and send it back.” Kim was sweating, he felt a little dizzy. 

“Woah there, come sit down before you fall.” Vegas was ready to jump out of his chair if needed as he watched Kim listen to what he had said. The youngest sat down with a heavy thud, his muscles suddenly feeling very weak. 

Kim allowed himself to close his eyes as he breathed. He murmured facts to himself once more about where he was, who he was with, and who he himself was. Pete got up silently and filled a glass with cold water, placing it in front of Kim so he could drink it once he had grounded himself. 

“How am I supposed to go when I can’t even read a fucking card without a panic attack?” Kim asked, his voice wobbling as he began to cry. 

“You won’t be alone. Me, Vegas, and Khun will all be with you. You can also leave when you need to. You do not need to stay the entire time.” Pete stated, his voice clear and a bit stern. 

“What should I even get him? I feel like I don’t even have a right to be there.” Kim hugged himself, trying to use the pressure to calm himself as he shivered. 

“You wouldn’t have been invited if you weren’t wanted there. And I don’t know, what were you thinking of getting him?” Pete dropped a hand to hold Vegas’s under the table.

“I wanted to give him a book set. I have a special one that’s a collectors edition. It’s Lord Of The Rings with The Hobbit as well. He really likes high fantasy.” Kim played with his fingers as he waited for a reply. 

“I think he would really like that. I remember one time I went with him and Porsche to the theater when one of the movies played there. Chay was really excited about it.” Pete watched as Kim’s shoulders untensed as he told him about the outing. 

“What do I even wear? It says ‘comfortable but nice’, what the hell does that even mean?” Kim flipped the invitation over in hopes of finding more information but it was blank. 

“Don’t worry about that, we’ll help you.” Vegas said with a light smile. Kim was starting to run out of excuses. 

“What about all the people there? I don’t want to embarrass anyone.” Kim knew he was running out of things to say. 

“If Chay or Porsche were worried about being embarrassed, they wouldn’t have had an invite sent to you. If Kinn was worried about that he wouldn’t have tried to convince you to go. If me, Pete, or Khun were worried about that we wouldn’t have put time and energy into getting you to go.” Vegas sat back and crossed his arms over his chest, pleased with himself. 

“I, it, just… fine.” Kim sat defeated in his chair while Pete cheered. They just had to drag him there now. And dress him. And do his makeup. But those were problems for future them. 

The doorbell to the suite rang while Kim pouted. He refused to get up so Vegas got up after rolling his eyes. Dinner had been brought and Vegas helped the staff bring it inside, thanking them and sneaking them a tip. 

“Now, let’s eat before another world-ending invitation gets sent.” Pete joked, watching as even Kim gave a quiet chuckle. 

Chapter Text

It was two hours before the party and to say that Kim was not okay was an understatement. 

“But what if it’s too much? I don’t usually wear makeup. And what if the side braids make me stand out and look full of myself? Also, maybe I shouldn’t wear rings, it’s flashy and I don’t want to stand out too-” Kim was cut off mid ramble. 

“Kim, I swear if you don’t shut the fuck up and let us help you I will call Porsche and tell him. Then he will come over here and force you into clothes and shit. Do you want that?” Vegas crossed his arms over his chest, his own rings glinting and his necklace shifting to sparkle in the light. His hair slicked back and light eyeliner made his eyes pop. 

“No, Phi.” Kim stopped pacing and looked at the floor. 

“Then please, for the love of everything unholy, sit down, shut up, and let, us, help. ” Vegas basically growled, watching as Kim rushed to sit at the foot of his bed silently. 

“Vegas, be nice. Kim, choose. Red or purple shirt.” Pete held up two dress shirts, Kim paused and looked them over with wide eyes. 

“Um, red please.” Pete nodded at Kim’s response, going into the closet to put the purple shirt away. He came back out with Kim’s signature leather jacket and some black straight cut jeans. 

“Oh, um, won’t the jacket be a bit much?” Kim took the clothes with hesitant hands. 

“No. Now go get dressed so I can do your hair and makeup.” Pete stared with stern eyes until Kim gave in and walked into the closet, closing the door behind him.

“Jesus Christ on a motorbike, I didn’t think it would be this hard.” Vegas mumbled as he pulled Pete into a hug. He needed to leech some energy off of his boyfriend. 

When the closet door opened, Kim came out and shyly showed the couple his outfit. 

“Is it okay?” Kim watched as a smile spread over both of the other men’s faces. 

“You look perfect. Now, jewelry and a little makeup. Come on. No complaining.” Pete waved Kim over to sit on the end of the bed again and braided the sides of his hair tight to his head as he had planned. Pete then smudged a bit of eyeliner on both Kim’s top and bottom eyelids, giving a bit of a messy smokey look. The last touches were the jewelry. One ear was given a short and delicate dangly silver chain while the other had a simple golden stud in it. The necklace was a thicker silver chain. A chunky gold ring was placed on his left ring and pointer finger, a simple silver band was put on his right thumb. Pete stood back and he and Vegas looked Kim over. 

“Perfect! Okay, time to get your shoes on and grab your gift and we’ll be ready to go! It’s a bit of a drive so be prepared to be in the car for a bit.” Pete smiled and left the room under the guise of getting everyone’s shoes, but really he had left so Vegas could give Kim a pep talk. 

“You can do this. He wants you there. Remember the signal for wanting to leave. You have done amazing in therapy and are prepared. You can do this. You have multiple people supporting you. You’ve got this, kid.” Vegas pulled Kim into a hug, then he let him go suddenly and seemed to be thinking.

“What?” Kim was worried, did he suddenly look weird?  

“Pete forgot your cologne. Pick one and meet us in the living room.” Vegas patted Kim’s shoulder, reassuring him that nothing was wrong. 

Kim walked over to his dresser, looking at the various bottles there. He couldn’t pick one. He smelled them one by one until one caught his attention. Chay likes this one. 

Before he could talk himself out of it, Kim sprayed himself a couple of times over his body and hair and then left the room, doing his best to stay calm. 

_____

As Vegas drove them to the party, Kim kept repeating things to himself. 

I can leave when I need to. People there will help me. Chay and Porsche want me there. I can leave when I need to. People there will help me. Chay and Porsche want me there. 

Kim kept his gift in his lap, holding onto it helped him to stay grounded. He knew Chay would love it but he couldn’t help but doubt himself. 

“Kim, breathe. If you pass out in my backseat I’ll use smelling salts on you.” Vegas’s gaze flicked to the rearview mirror, watching as his cousin did his best to take deep breaths. 

When they arrived and parked, Kim tried one more time. 

“Maybe I shouldn’t go in. I’m really okay with staying in the car. You two can take the gift-” 

“Kim, I will fucking throw you over my shoulder AGAIN and make your entrance as undignified as possible. You told me to not let you chicken out, so get your ass out of the car.” Vegas said while Pete tried to hold in his laughter. Kim sighed, I did say that, didn’t I? Fuck. 

The trio exited the car and Kim straightened his shoulders. He could leave as soon as he needed to. He could do this. 

Vegas held the door open and Pete made holding on to Kim’s arm look like Kim was just guiding him inside. He was actually offering his touch to ground the younger man. 

“Breathe, you’re doing well.” Pete said, smiling at someone who greeted them. Kim relaxed his grip on his gift, doing his best to remember his three things. 

As they were all escorted to a private back room, Kim could feel his panic trying to escape. His fingers slightly trembled and he got a bit dizzy. Breathe, God damnit. Don’t ruin this. 

The door opened and the private room was exposed. It was beautiful. The decorations were a rich navy blue and a refreshing gold with cream accents. A table for gifts was next to the door so Kim quickly set down what he had carried in. He wiped his clammy hands on his pants and Vegas put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Remember, we have our signal. Use it and we will be out of here in seconds. You can do this.” Vegas gave Kim’s shoulder a squeeze before taking a couple of steps back, looping his arm around Pete’s waist with a smile. 

“Hey! I’m glad you all could make it! It’s good to see you especially, Kim.” Porsche gave a cheeky wink to Vegas and Pete before showing them all to their seats. Kim let the couple walk in front of him, needing the distance between himself and Porsche. 

When they sat, Vegas stopped Porsche. 

“Hey, where’s the birthday boy?” 

“Oh, he got bumped into and someone spilled a drink on his shirt, he had to go change. Luckily we thought to bring spare clothes.” Porsche gestured to himself, describing how bad the stain was. Kim couldn’t help the anger that simmered in his chest. Someone had already done something to Chay on his birthday and he didn’t like it. 

“Are there going to be more people coming? So far this seems like a pretty small gathering.” Pete looked around the room, only twenty or so people filled the space. It was oddly small for this particular family. 

“Chay said he wanted something small. He only wanted to invite people who he considers close friends and family.” Porsche flashed a smile before walking away, saying he needed to find Kinn. 

“Doing okay?” Vegas reached for the pitcher of ice water in the middle of the table, filling three glasses for all of them. 

“I’m not sure. I feel nervous but not scared like I thought I would.” Kim gratefully took the water and sipped it, noticing his trembling was minimal. 

“Good. Just remember our signal. I’ll stay close and so will Pete. You’re doing very well.” Vegas leaned back in his chair, draping an arm over the back of Pete’s chair. Kim nodded and allowed himself to begin watching the room. That’s when the private bathroom door opened and Chay emerged. 

He was wearing a scarlet button up shirt, the top three buttons undone. He also wore black slacks and his black boots had three inch heels. He wore a thin silver chain around his neck with a diamond on it that was big enough to glint from across the room. His hair was swept back on one side, what wasn’t swept back was wavy, almost a slight curl to it. His earrings were diamond studs and he had a couple of rings on. Kim was stunned and openly staring.  

“Mind your eyes, little cousin. Stare too long and you might drool.” Vegas quipped with a smug smile, sipping his water when Kim turned to glare at him while his ears turned red. 

“Shut up.” Kim hissed. Vegas just smiled like he was innocent and Kim looked to Pete for support. 

“Nope. I’m with V. Your jaw dropped so hard it almost cracked the floor.” Pete giggled as Kim fully blushed and began grumbling about how they were supposed to be supporting him, not antagonize him. 

Kim froze when a familiar scent hit him. Chay’s perfume. It smelled of roses and sandalwood. Kim would never forget it. 

“Hi! I’m glad you all could make it! Is there anything you need?” Chay’s voice floated out from behind Kim. He froze in his seat, terror finally filling his body and mind. 

“I think we’re all okay for now. Also, we wouldn’t be asking the birthday boy for anything. This day is about you! How are you feeling, mister twenty-one years old?” Pete smiled, making conversation much to Kim’s dismay. 

“I like to help,” Chay said with a shrug, “and I feel great! Pretty sure Hia is having a hard time though, but don’t tell him I told you that.” Chay said with a giggle in his voice, Kim felt a hand settle on the back of his chair and he did his best to not flinch. 

“Well, happy birthday and congratulations on your aging. Hopefully you age like wine like I do.” Vegas smirked, his voice full of teasing sass. 

“Yeah, I just hope I don’t age like milk,” Chay’s voice held a bit of disgust, “Kim, would you mind coming with me? Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad.” Chay waited for the frozen man to reply. All Kim could manage was a frightened nod as he carefully stood, doing his best not to wobble. 

Vegas gave his cousin a small thumbs up and Pete gave him a reassuring smile. Kim still felt terrified. 

The two young men walked silently to the door of the room, Chay opening it and holding it open for Kim, letting the man slide through to the hallway. 

“First, nice shirt. We match,” Chay said with a giggle, trying to show Kim that he wasn’t angry, “Also, I want you to know that I’m not upset anymore. Porsche and Kinn sat me down and told me everything,” Kim’s head whipped up, afraid of what ‘everything’ meant, “They told me why you did what you did. That it was for my safety, that threats had been made about me to you and that you had to put space between us.” Chay leaned against the wall behind him, crossing his arms over his chest as his voice became more serious. 

“I’m so sorry.” Kim managed to whisper. His voice not allowing anything of true volume escape his throat. 

“I know. I truly know, Phi. You went through so much to protect me. Thank you, Phi Kim.” Chay’s voice got a little wobbly and he fought against his watering eyes. 

“I miss you.” Kim blurted, his voice acting before his mind. He froze in shock, afraid that he had said too much, that he had crossed a line. 

“I miss you too. So much.” Chay stood from where he leaned. He had grown since he and Kim had last talked, his heels giving him even more of a height advantage. 

“I don’t know what to say.” Kim stayed perfectly still, afraid that moving or breathing too deeply would shatter the careful atmosphere. 

“You don’t have to say anything. Can I ask for one thing?” Chay tilted his head slightly, watching Kim carefully. 

“Anything.”

“I want a hug.” Chay whispered, Kim finally looking up, checking to see if Chay was playing some kind of cruel joke on him. All he saw was sincerity and a bit of sadness. Kim nodded and let Chay pull him in. Kim finally allowed himself to cry. 

_____

When Chay and Kim finally separated, Chay couldn’t help the giggle that escaped him. 

“Your eye makeup is a mess. Follow me.” The younger said with a gentle smile, walking down the hallway to a door, another bathroom. 

He pulled Kim in with him and locked the door, gesturing for the older to sit on the toilet. Chay grabbed a couple of paper towels and got them wet with cold water. 

The younger kneeled on the floor, not caring about any germs, and carefully cleaned Kim’s face. The older carefully watching the other. Chay gently held Kim’s chin, keeping his face still so he could more easily clean up the smudged makeup.

He then threw away the dirty towels and got another, folding it and getting it wet with cool water, walking back over and carefully pressing it to Kim’s swollen eyes. 

“I forgive you.” Chay finally whispered. 

“I don’t deserve it.” Kim said, his voice shaking just as much as his hands. 

“You don’t get to decide that. I have decided that you do.” Chay kept holding the cool towel to Kim’s eyes, careful to not press too hard. 

“How can I even make this right? I was horrible to you, Chay.” Kim let his tears soak into the wet paper over his eyes. 

“It wasn’t your choice. It wasn’t you. It was your Pa. You are forgiven and I hold none of it against you.” Chay pulled the paper towel away, examining Kim’s eyes, sighing when the swelling was still there from Kim’s new tears. 

“I never wanted to hurt you. You were the best thing that had ever happened in my life.” Kim looked at the floor, his ears burning at the confession. 

“If you’ll let me, I can be that again. You just have to let me back into your life.” Chay watched from where he was still kneeling, Kim’s eyes flicked side to side as he struggled with his mind. 

“But I don’t deser-”

“You. Don’t. Get. To. Decide. That. I do. I want to be back in your life, Phi.” Chay watched as Kim’s face crumpled. He carefully pulled the older back to his body, hugging him and gently stroking his hair. When had his Phi become so hurt? 

“I want you back, Chay. Please. ” Kim was almost begging. His heart ached. 

“Then you can have me back. I’m here.” The two stayed in that bathroom until a knock came from the other side of the door. 

“Kim? You in there?” Vegas’s concerned voice called out. Kim quickly sat up and wiped at his face, Chay using the wet towel in his hand to help him clean his face again. 

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a second.” Kim called back, unable to hide the wobble in his voice. The two men in the bathroom stood up and walked to the door, the younger unlocking it before walking out. Chay was against a wall the second Vegas saw the state of his little cousin. 

“It may be your birthday but that won’t stop me from kicking your ass. What did you do to him?” Vegas growled as he pinned Chay to the wall, the younger not even trying to get out of the hold Vegas had on him.

“Phi, wait! It’s okay! We talked, he didn’t do anything. I just got emotional.” Kim tried to pull Vegas off of Chay, Vegas barely moving. 

“You’re sure? He didn’t hurt you? You don’t have to lie to protect him.” Vegas didn’t take his eyes off of Chay’s face as he spoke, the younger was barely phased. 

“Yes, Phi. It’s okay. We just talked and figured some stuff out. I’m okay.” With Kim’s last two words, Vegas let go of Chay, stepping back. He then turned to his cousin, holding him by the shoulders as he examined the skin he could see. 

“You really think I beat him up or something?” Chay crossed his arms over his chest, a slight pout on his lips. 

“I wouldn’t put it past you when you get angry enough, I’ve seen you train. I’m not seeing anything though so you’re off the hook.” Vegas made the ‘I’m watching you’ sign at Chay and left. Chay and Kim looked at each other and quietly laughed.

“Thank you.” Kim finally said, his smile fading to a small curve of his lips. 

“No need to thank me, but you’re welcome.” Chay smiled and tilted his head back to the door that led to the party, the two men walking back in together. Porsche was on them immediately. 

“Everything okay?” Porsche’s eyes flickered between the two young men, prepared to beat up whoever made the other cry in a bad way. 

“Hia, everything is okay. We had a private chat and are sorting things out.” Chay couldn’t help the chuckle that left his lips. Kim on the other hand suddenly went pale, remembering the last time Porsche had had a conversation with him involving Chay. He began trembling and couldn’t breathe. Fuck, no, please, not now. 

“Kim? Fuck, I’ll get Vegas.” Porsche ran off to find the other man while Chay tried to process what was happening. He watched as Kim began to hyperventilate, muttering to himself, trembling like the Earth was quaking. 

“Kim? Hey, it’s alright. Nothing bad is happening, I promise.” Chay carefully set his hands on Kim’s shoulders, trying to get the older to look at him. 

“ One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four, five.” Kim was muttering to himself, tapping his foot on the floor, his breathing still rapid. Chay had an idea. 

“Okay, come on,” He pulled Kim to a corner for a bit of privacy and then pulled the panicking man into a hug and began tapping on his back, left, right, left, right, onto Kim’s back in time with the man’s murmured counting, “I’ve got you.” Chay kept tapping on Kim’s back, noticing that the other breathed a bit easier now. 

“What’s going on? Kim? Shit. Kimmy, it’s Phi. I’m here.” Vegas tried to take Kim from Chay but the shaking man clutched onto Chay’s arms, refusing to be moved. Chay kept tapping, Kim continuing to murmur, his breathing gradually slowing. Vegas watched on, slight panic in his eyes. 

“What did you do, you idiot?” Vegas hissed and punched Porsche in the arm. Porsche let out a small ouch and held his bicep.

“I just wanted to check in when they came back from talking! I don’t know why he got scared. Wait. Fuck, I probably scared him when I asked if they were okay.” Porsche facepalmed and Vegas proceeded to use open-handed slaps to beat him while hissing that he was such an idiot . 

“Hey, everything handled over here?” Pete’s calm voice interrupted, a hand on Vegas’s shoulder making the man stop his antics. 

“Keeping an eye on those two since Kim refused to be moved.” Vegas looked back over, worried. 

“Well, the last thing they need is a crowd, Porsche, go away, Vegas, you too. You both are drawing attention.” Pete shooed the two unnecessary men away and stood watch as Chay continued to calm Kim. Pete smiled to himself. 

“Hey, you’re safe. It’s okay.” Chay kept up his tapping, Kim starting to breathe slower, his counting less frantic. Pete examined his fingernails while he waited. 

Suddenly Kim stopped counting, he realized who was holding him. He quickly but gently pushed Chay back, completely mortified. 

“Hey. Kim, it’s Pete, you’re okay. No one noticed.” Pete stepped in immediately, not about to let Kim fall into another panic attack. 

“I’m so sorry. Chay, I’m sorry.” Kim let his head tip forward, staring at the floor once more. 

“What, why? You didn’t hurt me.” Chay looked genuinely confused.

“I’m wrecking your party, I can go.” Kim started to walk away but a gentle hand grabbed his wrist. 

“But I don’t want you to go. We haven’t even had food or cake yet. Plus there’s going to be music.” Chay sounded sad, not mad or annoyed, sad. 

“I, but, what?” Kim looked up, it was now his turn to be confused.

“I don’t want you to go. Please stay.” Chay still held Kim’s wrist in his warm hand. 

“I, um, okay. I can stay if you really want me to.” Kim couldn’t tell what he was feeling, all he knew was that it was a lot. 

“I really want you to.” Chay said with a blinding smile. Kim nodded and Chay dropped his wrist. 

The night went pretty well after the initial commotion. Dinner was amazing, a delicious pasta dish and side salads. The cake was also amazing, a red velvet cake with rich cream cheese frosting. When the lights dimmed and the music started, Kim tucked himself into a corner, content to watch everyone else dance. 

Chay wasn’t having that.

“Just one dance, Phiiiii. Please? It’s my birthday.” Chay had one of Kim’s hands trapped in both of his and swung the man’s arm back and forth. Kim couldn’t say no.

He had taken dance classes, he could do this. He let himself be pulled to the area where the group was dancing, Chay grinning so wide it had to hurt at this point. 

“Um, should we stop him?” Vegas asked Pete at their table. 

“No. This is good for him. Let Chay have him. He’s safe with him.” Pete watched with a drink in his hand and a smile hidden behind the rim of the glass. Vegas kept a tight, slightly panicked, grip on his boyfriend’s thigh. 

Kim listened for the beat of the song and once he got the count, started to dance. Chay did his best to keep up, everyone around them stepping back a bit to give them space. Kim was actually having fun. 

When the song ended, Kim was a bit winded, but he was smiling . Chay almost cried but held the tears in. He had missed Kim’s smile so much.

The two walked away from the dance area and to the private party bar. They each ordered a drink and sat together, a quiet conversation flowing between them. 

Chapter Text

At the end of the night, Kim and Chay had shyly exchanged phone numbers, both having needed new phones after everything that had happened with the exchange of power. Kim watched as Chay typed on his phone, smiling when Kim’s phone beeped. 

Chay 2:01 a.m.

Hey, it’s me! :) 

Kim 2:02 a.m. 

👍👋

Chay smiled faintly and then began typing again. Kim’s phone beeped. 

Chay 2:03 a.m.

I’m going to be at the cafe down the street from the compound three days from now. I’ll be there at noon. Do whatever you want with that information. :) 

Kim 2:04 a.m.

Oh, okay. 👍

“Thank you for coming, I’m really glad you were here.” Chay said, his cheeks a bit flushed from drinking. 

“Thank you for inviting me. I’m really happy right now.” Kim said, eyes quickly flicking up and then staring at the floor so he wouldn’t become overwhelmed. 

“You really made my night. Please don’t run away from me again.” Chay whispered the last part while carefully pulling Kim back into his arms. 

I won’t, I promise.” Kim whispered into Chay’s chest, subtly inhaling his perfume. Chay pressed his nose to Kim’s hair, doing the same. 

They broke apart and Kim said he would try to go to the cafe if he could, then walked away. Vegas and Pete were waiting for him, trying to not make it obvious that they had been watching the exchange. 

“Ready?” Pete asked, his hand tightly squeezing Vegas’s as a signal for him to shut the hell up. 

“Yeah, let’s go.” Kim avoided looking at Vegas, he didn’t trust the smile on the man’s face. 

Together, the trio walked out to the car and got in. Vegas couldn’t hold it in anymore. 

“So, how was your night?” Vegas asked, Pete hitting him in the stomach.

“Oh, um, besides the panic attack it was actually okay. I even had fun.” Kim played with his fingers and avoided looking up, he knew he was being watched by two pairs of eyes.

“What were you and Chay talking about there at the end?” Vegas asked before Pete could stop him. 

“We, uh, we exchanged phone numbers. I think he asked me to go to a cafe to sit with him while he studies?” Kim opened his phone and read the text again. 

“Are you gonna go?” Vegas kept the conversation going despite how Pete squeezed his thigh. 

“Yeah, I’m gonna go.” Kim replied, smiling down at his phone.

_____

Kim had asked to be dropped off a block away from the cafe so he could walk and get out a bit of his nervous energy. Prong followed behind in plain clothes at a distance and Wen drove the rest of the way to park the car. 

When Kim saw the small building with a flowery sign on it that said ‘Pushing Daisies Cafe’, he couldn't help the small smile that formed across his face. It’s cute, he would go here. 

As Kim opened the door, a small bell jingled above his head and a barista greeted him from behind the counter.

“Hi there! Come order when you’re ready!” She said as she smiled and went back to cleaning.

Kim didn’t have to search for Chay, he was the only other person in the place. It was a weekday and it was during work and school hours so it made sense that the place was empty. Kim walked over while Prong and Wen found a couple of seats a few tables away. 

“Hey.” Kim gently greeted. He could feel his ears turning red. 

“Hi! Oh good, you brought a book like I told you to.” Chay looked down at Kim’s hand that held a novel. 

“Oh, yeah.” Kim sat down awkwardly, trying to get used to socializing again.

“Fern makes the best coffee by the way, her white chocolate cappuccino is especially good.” Chay said before looking back at his laptop screen to read an email from his professor. 

“Oh, that actually sounds really good, thanks.” Kim got up and made his way to the front counter, the girl, Fern, walked over with a bright smile on her face.

“Hi there! What can I get for ya?” She tapped a couple buttons on the screen in front of her and then looked up to signal that she was ready.

“My friend suggested a white chocolate cappuccino so I’ll take one of those, a chocolate chip cookie, and a warmed banana muffin please.” Kim pulled out some cash and handed it to Fern who then passed him his change.

“I’ll bring that to your table as soon as it’s ready.” Fern turned to go make the coffee and Kim returned to the table Chay was occupying. Both sat quietly and Fern kept quiet as well as she brought Kim’s food and drink over. 

Quietly, Kim placed the cookie in front of Chay, watching as Chay picked it up to nibble without breaking focus on his assignment. Kim counted it as a win.

_____

The second time they hung out at the cafe was a few days later. Fern waved as Kim walked through the door and he returned it with a small wave of his own.

He ordered the same three things as the last time and walked over to sit with Chay again. 

As Kim waited for his items, the bell over the door jingled. A man in a nice suit entered and speed walked to the counter. 

“Hello! Welcome to-” The man cut Fern off.

“I want a black coffee and ice water to go.” He pulled cash from his wallet and tossed it onto the counter, making Fern pick it up. Kim was watching closely from his corner as was Chay. Prong and Wen were listening but were unable to look. 

Fern gave the man back his change and moved to make his drinks. When she walked back over with them the man showed his teeth in a slimy smile. 

“What do you say we exchange phone numbers and have some fun when we’re both off the clock?” Fern’s shoulders tensed and she couldn't make eye contact with the man. 

“Oh, um, no thank you.” She tried. 

“Come on, it’s just a good time. I’m sure you’d be an amazing treat.” The man leaned forward and grabbed his coffee, taking a sip. 

“I’m saying no. I don’t want to do that. Please leave.” Fern did her best to put her foot down, struggling to maintain a firm voice. 

“Whatever, fucking bitch. You’re ugly anyway.” Before anyone could react, the man had popped the lid off of his coffee and thrown it at Fern, who immediately pulled her apron off to avoid being badly burned. She then uncapped the ice water and cupped some in her hands to pour over the skin of her chest and arms where splashes of coffee had landed. 

The man dashed out the door and Chay made to get up and chase after him but Kim was already on it. 

“Wen, go give him a warning. Don’t go easy on him.” Kim’s eyes were dark and his jaw was tense. 

Kim, Prong, and Chay went to the counter where Fern was now trying not to cry as she used handfuls of napkins to begin cleaning the mess.

“Hey, come sit down. You can worry about that later. Chay, go flip the sign to closed please.” Kim coaxed Fern out from behind the counter and brought her to a chair while Prong watched with worry. Fern had pink splotches over her chest and arms and they looked painful.

“I, I don’t understand why.” Fern was beginning to shake and she stumbled over her words. 

“He did it because you rejected him. Here.” Chay walked over with his sweater in hand, draping it over Fern as she shivered. 

“Fern, what’s your shirt size,” Kim asked, the girl too shocked to not answer, “Prong, use my card and go get her a new one, there’s a shop a few doors down.” Prong took Kim’s card without a word and left the shop. 

“That was so scary.” Fern whispered, pulling the sweater tighter around her shivering frame. 

“It was, but we’ve got you. I bet Wen is handing him his own ass on a silver platter right now.” Chay said, laughing a bit at the mental image. 

“Thank you, both of you. I’m really glad you were here.” Fern gave the two men standing in front of her a small smile. 

A little while later, Prong came back in, two bags in his hand.

“I got you a shirt but I also picked up some cream for your burns in case they hurt.” The guard walked over and gently passed the bags to Fern before giving Kim his card back.

“Oh, I didn’t even notice until now.” Fern poked one of the burns on her arm and winced. The bell over the door jingled again as Wen walked in. 

“He knows not to come back here. Are you alright, Fern?” Wen looked at the girl, examining her and taking note of the pharmacy bag in her hands with a satisfied nod. 

“I am now. Thank you all.” Fern got up and headed to the bathroom to change and use the cream. 

“You made sure he really knows not to bother her again, right?” Kim turned to Wen, his eyes still a bit dark. 

“Yep. Brought you back a souvenir in case you wanted proof. It’s from the hand that threw the coffee, made him tell me which hand he used.” Wen pulled a baggie from his jacket pocket, a pinky finger inside it. 

“Good. Now put it away. I don’t want to scare her more.” Kim said, Chay smiled as he watched the exchange. 

Prong and Wen went behind the counter to start cleaning while Fern took her time in the bathroom. 

_____

The third time Kim meets Porchay at the cafe is today, two weeks later after their schedules didn't line up for forever, and things happen that no one expected. 

First, Kim walks in and is greeted by Fern but then sees another girl is now behind the counter with her. 

“This is Day, she’s new and I’m training her.” Fern says as she introduces the new employee. Kim quietly wishes her luck before turning back to Fern to order. 

“One white chocolate cappuccino, one chocolate chip cookie, and one warmed banana muffin.” Fern says before Kim can even begin to order. The man blushes and nods before handing over the cash.

As Kim goes to sit with Chay, everything goes wrong. 

Day drops a blender. The glass shattering and the base making a loud crashing noise. 

Kim spins around and his hand is on his gun, ready to pull it and shoot. Fern and Day freeze and Chay stands. 

“No! Phi, it’s okay. We’re all safe.” Chay tries to reach for Kim but the older man uses his spare hand to push him back behind his body. 

Chay dodges Kim’s hand to get in front of him and while he tries to get him out of his blackout, Wen tells the girls to go in the back but to move slowly. Fern takes Day’s hand and together they slowly walk through the door to the back. 

“Phi, it’s Chay. You can stop now. We’re safe, it’s okay.” Chay tries to get through to Kim, looking for any recognition in his eyes. Kim doesn’t move.

“He’s stuck. He’s never done this outside before. Usually we just wait it out wherever we are in the compound.” Prong says from where he stands next to Wen, both young men ready to tackle Kim if they have to. 

“What do you mean he’s stuck? Is it PTSD?” Chay tries to reach for Kim again but the older man unsnaps the strap of leather holding his gun into its holster. Prong seems to fight with himself before he decides to speak. 

“I’m only telling you this because it’s an emergency. His father trained him like a dog. When he blacks out he will only respond to commands from someone he trusts or his father.” Prong tenses when a car horn honks outside, Kim pulling his gun and pointing it at the front of the store. 

“Phi, please stop.” Chay tries again, tears in his eyes.

“You have to command him like a dog, Chay.” Wen finally speaks up, his own eyes filling with tears. Porchay swallows against the nausea in his stomach and takes a deep breath. 

“Kim, down.” A tear falls from Chay’s eye when Kim sags and drops to his knees. Chay walks over and grasps Kim’s gun. 

“Kim, drop it,” Kim doesn’t let go, “Release, Kim.” Chay takes the gun from Kim’s now loose hands and puts the safety back on before sliding it across the floor to Prong and Wen.

“It’s okay, Kim. You did well. Good boy.” Chay carefully reaches out as he praises Kim. As he says ‘good boy’ Kim snaps out of his haze at the unfamiliar phrase. 

Kim is up and off the ground like a bat out of hell. His eyes are wide and he’s breathing heavily. Before anyone can say anything he is speed walking out of the cafe and disappears. 

“What the hell did Korn do to him?” Chay asks no one in particular from where he sits on the floor.

Chapter Text

Kim couldn’t help it. He ran and ran and ran. He refused to cry and he savored the burning in his legs and lungs. He didn’t know where he was running to, he just knew he had to get away. 

He knows. He fucking knows. I’m disgusting. He’s going to be disgusted with me. How will he ever look at me the same way again? Everything is ruined.

Kim ran until he couldn’t anymore. He barely tucked himself into an alley before his legs gave out. He couldn’t get enough air into his lungs and his heart beat so hard that it hurt. His pulse shook his body and he laid flat on his back on the concrete, muscles unable to hold him up any longer. 

He finally let himself cry. He remembered the clicker training, the shock collars around his throat and arms and thighs, how he was only fed when he obeyed. He thought of the beatings and how Korn used to say he was a “bad dog” and “worthless mutt”. 

Kim used his fists to try and beat the memories out of his head. With each hit he counted, one, two, three, four, five. One, two three, four five. ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE. 

He laid there on the concrete until the sky started to dim, then watched as all light faded, then spotted a single star in the night sky. He shivered without his jacket as the night air seeped into his body. He didn’t care.

He jumped when his phone rang. When Kim pulled it from his pocket he saw Kinn’s name. He sent it to voicemail. Kinn called three more times, all three were sent to voicemail. 

Vegas called next. Kim hesitated, then also sent him to voicemail. He sent Vegas to voicemail four more times after that. 

His phone was silent for a while after that and he debated with just turning it off. As he looked at the power button another call came through. Chay. 

He siped a tear from his face before also sending Chay to voicemail. What he didn’t expect was Chay switching to texting. 

Chay 11:57 p.m.

Phi, it’s okay. I’m not upset with you. Please just pick up.

Kim left it without a reply. 

Chay 11:59 p.m.

P’ Kim, I can see you reading what I send. Please just reply.

Kim sat up and tucked his knees to his chest, still not replying. 

Chay 12:02 a.m.

Phi, I’m really scared right now and I know you are too. Please tell us where you are so we don’t have to track you. 

Kim finally gave in. 

Kim 12:05 a.m.

I’m in an alley next to a place called Grand Scheme. Please send Vegas.

Chay 12:06 a.m.

Okay, I can do that. Thank you for not making us hunt you down. 

Chay 12:08 a.m.

Phi? I want you to know that you’re still my friend. I hope I can still be yours too.

Chay’s last message made Kim break down. He sobbed into the place where he pressed his face to his knees. He didn’t feel like he deserved to be friends with Chay. He was too disgusting and he would get Chay dirty. He was just a dirty mutt that was only good for biting. 

It was half an hour later when a car pulled up at the end of the alley. Vegas climbed out and jogged down the alley to his cousin who was still curled up into a tight ball. He could hear him muttering to himself, one, two three, four, five. 

“Kim? Kimmy? Hey bub, it’s Vegas. Don’t get scared now. It’s only Phi.” Vegas approached slowly, not wanting to startle Kim. He knew he didn’t have a gun on him but that didn’t mean that his little cousin wasn’t armed. 

“One, two, three, four, five.” Kim didn’t even acknowledge Vegas. The older man sat down across the alley from his cousin, carefully watching him as he sorted himself out. 

“It’s okay, Kimmy. Phi is here. I can wait as long as you need me to.” Vegas crossed his legs and leaned back against the wall. He pulled his phone out and sent a text to the group chat. 

V 12:47 a.m.

I’m with him and he’s safe and in one piece.

Kinn 12:49 a.m.

Oh thank fuck. Thank you, V.

Khun 12:53 a.m.

Thank you for being there for him. Keep him safe for us.

Chay 12:53 a.m.

Thank you, Phi. 

Vegas then sent his phone to sleep, focusing all of his attention on Kim. He seemed to be a little more calm. His sniffles were less frequent and he wasn’t rocking so intensely. 

“Kim, can you hear me?” Vegas tried again, speaking very softly. Kim nodded while he kept counting. 

“Okay, nong. I’m going to sit next to you. Don’t freak out.” Vegas got up and walked over to Kim, taking a seat on the cold concrete. 

It took a bit more time before Kim finally spoke.

“I don’t want to see him. He knows.” Kim’s voice was a bit muffled by his knees as he spoke, refusing to lift his head.

“Who knows what?” Vegas asked.

“Chay knows. He knows about my training.” Kim’s eyes filled with tears again, his heart shattering even further. 

“Ah, I see. You know, he was extremely worried about you. Had Prong drive the car back to the compound since he’s a speed demon. He had Arm announce an emergency and everything. He’s been worried sick.” Vegas reached over and set a hand on Kim’s shoulder, not rubbing to avoid overstimulationg his cousin. 

“ Why though?” Kim finally lifted his head, teary eyes turning to look at Vegas. 

“That’s something you’ll have to ask him,” Vegas responded quietly, moving a bit of hair out of Kim’s eyes, “We really should go home though. It’s cold and I think some sleep will help you.” Vegas stood up and brushed the dirt off his butt before holding out a hand to help Kim up. The younger wobbled a bit on his exhausted legs.

The drive home was silent, both men taking time to think. 

When they walked through the front door, everyone was in the front room waiting. The first one up and running over was Chay.

The younger didn’t hesitate to pull Kim into a tight hug, the dark haired man letting him.

“I was so worried. I’m so glad you’re safe.” Chay murmured, his tears leaving a wet spot on Kim’s shirt.

“Why? Why do you still care about me? I’m just a mutt.” Kim whispered. Vegas kept everyone else back, letting the two try to sort things out without prying ears. 

“You’re not a mutt. You’re my best friend. Please don’t hurt yourself like that.” Chay didn’t loosen his hold on Kim, making the other feel just how much he didn’t want to let him go. 

“I don’t understand. I’m just an attack dog, I’m not someone you want to have just hanging around. It’s like holding onto a bomb.” Kim’s voice cracked on the last word, his arms still hanging at his sides because he didn’t feel worthy of hugging Chay back. Chay finally pulled back and looked into Kim’s eyes.

“I need you to hear me right now. I am going to say something very important and I need you to hear me,” Chay waited until Kim nodded, “I love you, Kim. I have this entire time. You are precious to me and you mean the world to me.” Chay watched as Kim’s eyes filled with tears and a slightly confused look. 

“Love? What kind? I don’t want-”

“Phi, I’m going to kiss you, stop me if you don’t want me to.” Chay waited a few seconds before leaning in, pausing just before touching Kim’s lips with his own to give him a chance to turn his head or to lean away or to say something. None of those things came. 

Instead, Kim leaned forward and connected their lips. It was soft and gentle and slow and perfect. 

Somewhere in the background a gasp was heard. Tankhun was doing his best to be quiet but a couple of excited squeaks escaped him. 

Chay pulled back first, touching his forehead to Kim’s. Both men kept their eyes closed, processing what had just happened. 

“You love me?” Kim asked, his voice small and his hands now going from Chay’s hips to reaching up to grab his shirt in both of his shaky hands. 

“I love you, so much.” Chay whispered, the breath of the words brushing sweetly over Kim’s face. 

“I love you too.” Kim managed to choke out, his throat squeezing around more tears. Both men smiled and hugged tightly. 

In the background, Tankhun quietly clapped, Kinn and Porsche held hands, Vegas had a knowing look on his face, and Pete muttered ‘about damn time’.

Chapter Text

“Kim, you can’t just not go back. They’ll both understand, especially Fern!” Chay tried to get Kim to stop pacing, grabbing his wrist only to have it harshly pulled from his grip. The younger crossed his arms over his chest and frowned.

“You don’t get it! I almost shot Day! She isn’t going to want to see the person who almost killed her, Chay.” Kim finally stopped pacing and turned to face the younger man. When Kim finally lifted his eyes, they were full of tears and his hands shook wildly. Breathe, Kim. Remember what therapy taught you. Breathe. Slow down. 

Chay tried to talk but Kim quickly held up a hand, signaling that he needed silence. Chay watched as Kim worked to gather himself, breathing deeply and closing his eyes. 

Kim counted his breaths for square breathing, in, out, in, out. 

“I don’t want to go back because I’m afraid it will happen again. I’m also afraid that Day will panic when she sees me. I’m worried that Fern will ban me from the cafe, too.” Kim admitted. Communication is the only way to get through hard times, Kim remembered his therapist saying. 

“I’ll be there the entire time, I promise. Last time showed that I can help you when you freeze. Your subconscious trusts me to help you. Fern is not the type to ban people from the cafe because they have PTSD. Day, I only met her that afternoon but she seemed kind. Please, phi. You can’t just lock yourself up in the compound forever.” Chay tried to reach for Kim again but the older man took a step back. 

“I’m sorry, it’s not you. I just really can’t be touched right now, I’ll panic.” Kim said, his voice just barely above a whisper. He’s going to yell at me. He’s gonna hate me.

“That’s okay, I won’t touch you,” Kim stared in shock at Chay’s steady voice and easy answer, “I really need you to think about going back, though. At least to apologize and to hear what the girls have to say.” Chay watched as Kim hugged himself, pulling his jacket tight around his body. 

“I’m scared.” Kim mumbled at the floor. 

“I know, but I’ll be there and I’ll support you. Even if you are banned from the cafe, I’ll leave with you. I’m not going to let you torture yourself, phi.” Chay watched as Kim tried not to fidget. Don’t fidget, it’s not acceptable. Back straight. 

“If I go, I want to go someplace after.” Kim looked up, his sad eyes partially hidden by his hair that he had refused to tie back today. It pulled in a way that made his skin prickle and it made him rip the hair tie out.

“I’ll take you wherever you want to go. I’m trained as a guard so we can even leave Prong and Wen here if you want to. Hia will have to deal with it, I won’t listen if he tries to stop me.” Kim perked up a bit at that but was a bit hesitant about Porsche. He knew if Posche did anything to Chay he would lash out at the other’s brother.  

“I don’t want to be around when you tell Porsche. I can’t trust myself to handle hearing him say anything to you in a safe way.” Kim admitted.

“That’s fine. My therapist said I should practice setting boundaries on my own anyway.” Chay shrugged like what he had just said hadn’t thrown Kim for a loop.

“You go to therapy? You’re not embarrassed?” Kim hadn’t meant for what he had said to come off as rude but Chay took it that way. 

“No, I’m not embarrassed. I need help and I won’t be shamed for it.” Chay’s voice suddenly became clipped and Kim rushed to explain. 

“I didn’t mean it that way! I meant I was horrified with myself when I started therapy and I remember being so embarrassed of myself. I’m sorry.” Kim shut down a bit, waiting for the swearing and belittling to begin. 

“Oh. I jumped to conclusions, sorry. But uh, no, I’m not embarrassed. I’m a bit sad because I’m realizing that what I went through left behind significant damage, but I’m not embarrassed. You’re in therapy too, phi?” Chayy tilted his head, trying to see Kim’s face through the older’s curtain of inky hair. 

“Um, yeah. I haven’t really told anybody. A few people know and that’s it. Please don’t tell anyone.” Kim pulled his jacket tight around his body again, the pressure easing some of his anxiety. 

“Oh, yeah for sure. It’s not my business to tell anyway. Circling back though, where is this place you want to go on a date?

“It’s a secret, wait, you want to call it a date?” Kim finally met Chay’s eyes again but was unable to hold the contact for long as a blush spread over his cheeks and ears. Chay grinned and bounced a little on his toes. 

“I would love to call it a date! I promise we can go on a date to the place you want after we stop at the cafe and talk to the girls. Pinky swear.” Chay held out his pinky, Kim hesitating before shyly reaching out to link his own little finger with Chay’s. 

_____

It took three hours but Kim finally got himself to get in the car. Chay waited patiently for him to calm himself in his seat and when both were wearing their seatbelts, they left the compound. 

“Remember, I’m going to be there the entire time. I’ve got you.” Chay shyly held out his hand, offering it to Kim to hold.

“I, um, I trust you. Thank you for coming with me.” Kim gently took Chay’s hand, a blush covering his cheeks. 

When they arrived at the cafe and parked, Kim couldn’t get himself to leave the car. His father would have been furious at him for freezing up and he would have made himself rush to get out of the car right away if it wasn’t Chay sitting in the driver’s seat. Something about the younger’s patience allowed Kim to take his time.

“Remember to breathe. No one here will attack you. If you are asked to leave I will leave with you.” Chay turned in his seat to face Kim who refused to look at him. Kim had his hands in his lap squeezing each other until his knuckles turned white. 

“I’m scared I’m going to make Day cry.” Kim admitted, voice small and shaky. 

“It’s okay for people to cry. If she cries, that's okay. Also, you wouldn’t be making her cry, at least I hope not. You’re gentle and kind, that won’t make her cry.” Chay watched as Kim closed his eyes and focused.

“You’ll be there the entire time and you’ll leave whenever I do.” Kim said out loud.

“Absolutely. I promise.” Chay kept his hands to himself, trusting Kim to tell him if he needed him.

“Let’s go before I lose the  small bit of courage I have right now.” Kim scrambled from the car before he could change his mind, Chay climbing out of his own seat to follow. 

_____

The two men walked in together, Kim wincing when the bell above the door got the attention of the woman behind the counter. 

“Hello welcome to, oh, Kim! Oh, I’m so happy to see you!” Fern turned around and her lip wobbled when she spotted who had walked through the front door. She quickly wiped her hands on her apron and rushed out from behind the counter.

“You are?” Kim’s eyes were wide and he froze a few steps inside the door.

“Of course I am! I was so worried! Can I hug you?” Fern paused in front of the black-haired man, her hands paused in a pose that indicated she wanted to reach for him. 

“Oh, um, sure.” Kim awkwardly held out his arms and Fern immediately swooped in to squeeze him. She sighed and petted the back of his head as she sniffled against his shoulder. 

“I was so worried when I came back out from the back room and Prong said you’d run away. I’m so glad you’re in one piece.” At Fern’s kind words, Kim let himself slightly relax, his eyes drooped a bit but didn’t fully close. He was startled when the door to the back room opened.

“Hey Fern, I’ve got those, oh.” Day froze with a cookie sheet in her hand, her eyes were wide. Kim quickly stepped back from Fern and ducked his head, shoulders tense.

“Is he okay?” Day asked from behind the counter. 

“As okay as he can be. Kim, you had something you wanted to say, remember?” Chay placed a hand on Kim’s lower back, reminding him that he was there and he wasn’t alone.

“I, uh, I want to apologize. For what happened. I had had a bad night and the blender was the straw that broke my back. I wanted you to know that you didn’t do anything wrong and that I am so sorry for what happened.” Kim couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact. His skin felt like it was raw and he was trying to keep his breathing from spiraling out of control. 

“I forgive you. Sure, you scared me pretty badly but if Fern trusts you then I know you’re a good person. Would you like a cookie? I made them and they’re fresh out of the oven.” Day’s voice was quiet and careful, like she was speaking to a wild animal that needed rescuing. 

“Wait. You can’t just forgive me like that. I did something horrible.” Kim looked up with wide, shocked eyes. 

“Who says I can’t? It’s my choice and I choose to forgive and move on. Now, do you want a cookie before they cool down? The chocolate is still gooey.” Day wiggled the pan at Kim. The man was unable to form any words. 

“Actually, we have something planned. Can we take a rain check?” Chay spoke up, his hand rubbing a few times over Kim’s back.

“Oh, of course! Actually, here.” Fern pulled a notepad and pen from her apron and wrote something down on a piece of paper before tearing it from the booklet and handing it to Chay. 

This is for both of you. Yes, Kim, I want you to have it too. :D

Underneath the note was her phone number and the phone number of the cafe. Chay smiled and folded the paper to slide it into the interior pocket of his coat. 

“Thank you. I’ll make sure both of those get put into our phones. Bye for now! We’ll come back another day!” Chay waved and Fern walked them out, Day giving a small wave from behind the counter. 

“Kim, wait. I want you to know I don’t hate you and that I’m not afraid of you. I understand what happened and why, PTSD isn’t new to me. I’m not mad at you, I promise. I hope you can trust that promise when you’re ready.” Fern said once the three were outside. 

“I’ll do my best. Thank you, Fern.” Kim said, looking at the woman in front of him. He hadn’t seen her eyes for long before or up close. They were a beautiful sienna brown with bronze highlights. They went well with her hair that was brown with auburn mixed in.

“I really hope you and Chay come back. I enjoy your company during the quiet hours,” Fern carefully pulled Kim into another hug, “Don’t be a stranger, okay?” She patted the man’s back and let him go.

“I’ll do my best to come back as soon as I can.” Kim let a small smile find its way onto his face before he ducked to look at the ground. 

“Thank you, Fern. Really. We’ll be back as soon as possible.” Chay quickly hugged his friend and then took Kim’s hand before walking back to the car. 

Once inside Chay leaned back in his seat while Kim stayed incredibly stiff. 

“That wasn’t so bad! Fern still wants you around and is glad you’re okay, Day is glad you’re okay and forgives you, plus no crying. How are you feeling about all of it?” Chay turned to watch Kim. 

“I don’t know. On one hand I’m relieved but on the other I’m worried. Day looked afraid. She stayed behind the counter.” Kim tried to pick at his nails but Chay took his hand into his own. 

“You’re right. She did look nervous. But I think that that’s a pretty normal reaction. Remember. Fern and I are friends and she’d already had you prove to her that you can be trusted and that you will protect her. Day had only known about your existence for an hour before things happened. She needs time and that makes sense.” Chay watched as Kim absorbed his words with a nod and a sigh, thinking them over. 

“I’d like to go on our outing now, if that’s alright with you.” Kim said, using the topic change to say he currently needed to be done with the conversation. He let go of Chay’s hand so they could both put on their seatbelts and so Chay could drive. 

“It’s not an outing , phi. It’s a date .” Chay said with a large and goofy grin on his face, laughing lightly when Kim’s entire face and his ears flushed.

Chapter Text

Kim had pulled up the map app on his phone and let it voice the directions for Chay. He had typed in the place he wanted to take the younger man but refused to tell him where or what it was. 

“The suspense is killing me! Come on, phi, can’t I have just a tiny hint?” Chay complained for the fifth time in a whiny voice. Kim couldn’t help the huff of laughter he let out. 

“Fine. It involves food.” Kim grinned to himself since he knew that this was a hint that Chay would hate.

“Well duh, we both haven’t had a meal in a while now, of course it involves food. Give me a real hint.” Chay took a turn as directed by the app. Kim took a minute to think before landing on what he wanted to say.

“It is an outdoor experience.” Kim watched as Chay dug through all of his guesses in his mind. 

“I don’t want to hike, phi. Please tell me it doesn’t involve hiking.” Chay sank a bit in his seat, readying himself to pout. 

“There’s no hike, unless you count the walk from the car to where we will sit as a hike.” Kim had a big smile on his face and laughed when Chay sat up in his seat. 

“Oh thank hell. Okay, so outside and food. Oh, we’re getting closer to the woods.” Chay rolled the car windows down a bit to let in the fresh air. When Kim shivered, Chay turned the heater in the older man’s seat on. If Kim could have purred he would have, his eyes closed with contentment and he snuggled into the seat. 

They drove in comfortable silence for another half an hour before Kim recognized that they were on the final road before they would arrive. He stretched with a few small noises and Chay bit his lip to keep himself from quietly screaming about how cute it was. 

As Chay drove the car up to the parking lot, he tried to spot a sign saying where they were and what this building was. He found nothing. Odd.  

“Are you sure we’re at the right place?” Chay looked unsure but Kim was still smiling. It must be okay if he’s still smiling, right?

“I’m positive. Let’s go!” Before Chay could react, Kim had climbed out of the car. Chay quickly followed and they walked inside hand in hand. 

“Welcome! How many will we be seating today and would you like outdoor or window dining?” A friendly waiter asked as the couple walked inside. 

“Just the two of us, and we would like outdoor seating.” Kim said, pushing aside his anxiety of speaking with a stranger so he could do this for Chay. Chay was worth talking to strangers for. 

“Alright, if you could follow me I will bring you to your table.” The waiter picked up two menus and two cutlery bundles before guiding the couple through a set of doors to an outdoor table. It was a little cold today so fire pits were lit and the tables were positioned near them. 

“This is really nice. It’s so calm.” Chay said as they took their seats, soaking in the lack of city sounds. 

“It really is amazing. I’ve only been here one other time.” Kim opened his menu and began to read, Chay doing the same.

“Oh, a lobster mac and cheese sounds good, so does the shrimp alfredo. Is this an American restaurant?” Chay kept reading and Kim chuckled. 

“It’s a combination restaurant, turn the page and you’ll see Thai food if you want it.” Kim was on a page that had salads and steaks on it. Both men read the menu for a bit before deciding on their meals. Kim let Chay press the button on their table to let the waiter know that they were ready to order. 

“Alright, gentlemen, what can we cook for you today?” The waiter held a pen and pad of paper at the ready with a smile. 

“I am going to do a porterhouse steak, medium rare, with a side of the garlic mashed potatoes. For the soup or salad I will do the fresh garden salad, vinaigrette dressing. Also a glass of Nebiolo please.” Kim folded up his menu and handed it to the server with a light smile. 

“And you, sir?”

“I’m going to have the shrimp alfredo, extra shrimp please, with a fresh garden salad, vinaigrette dressing. I’ll take a glass of sauvignon blanc.” Chay folded up his menu and passed it to the waiter with a ‘thank you’.

“Alright, I will have the salads out in a few minutes, each will come with a glass of water. Your main dishes will come out a bit after that. Please enjoy the view and if you require crackers, please press your buzzer.” The waiter smiled and walked away, but Chay had a very confused look on his face. 

“Neither of us ordered soup, why would we want crackers?” Chay looked at Kim and was met with a mischievous look. 

“Maybe he just got a little mixed up, he’s probably used to people saying they want soup.” Kim shrugged and Chay narrowed his eyes in suspicion. 

“I have a feeling you’re lying to me.”

“I might be, I might not be.” Kim shrugged and leaned back in his chair, a smug grin on his face as he wiggled his eyebrows. He and Chay had been chatting for a bit when the waiter came out with their water and salads.

“Alright, here we are. I did want to ask, will you be wanting us to call a cab for your ride home? We ask whenever someone orders an alcoholic beverage.” The waiter straightened up with a smile, no sign of judgement on his face. 

“We should be alright but I promise we won’t drive if we are unsure.” Chay smiled and received a nod from the waiter. The man went back inside, leaving Kim and Chay to their food. 

“That’s good of them to ask, not everyone feels okay after a glass of wine.” Kim mixed his salad and added a bit of black pepper to it.

“I think it’s a good idea to remind people to be responsible. Cars are weapons, not toys.” Chay agreed, taking a bite of his salad. Both men munched quietly together, enjoying the sounds of the birds. When they finished their salads, they carefully stacked their plates and cutlery for the waiter to take when he came back. 

Then Chay saw something moving out of the corner of his eye. His hand twitched towards the knife tucked into his boot but then he saw what was in the woods. A beautiful deer was walking toward them. While Chay was occupied, Kim quietly pushed the button on the table.

“Here are some crackers, and that one has a name. Her name is Daisy, she has one ear. She is friendly, just don’t try to pet her, also, she is head-shy.” Chay turned around when he heard the waiter speak, seeing the deer crackers on the table. 

“I knew you lied to me.” Chay said with a chuckle and shake of his head. Kim clutched his nonexistent pearls. 

“Who? Me? I would never!” 

“Yeah yeah, give me some of those.” Chay motioned to the deer crackers, Kim giving him half the stack. The older man watched as Chay slowly approached the deer, a snack held out as a peace offering. Daisy walked up, but the last few steps she hesitated, his nostrils flaring and a hoove lifted off the ground.

“It’s okay, sweetheart, take your time. My name is Porchay, but you can call me Chay like my friends do. I heard your name is Daisy. Daisy is a very pretty name.” Chay decided to crouch, still holding out the treat. Daisy eyed him for a bit before carefully stepping forward and stretching her neck out to carefully take the cracker from Chay’s hand. She then retreated back to the tree line where she decided to lie down for a nap. Chay came back to the table and Kim held out his phone. Displayed was a picture of the moment Daisy had reached forward for her treat.

“Aw, that’s cute. Send it to me, please?” Chay smiled when Kim nodded, feeling his phone buzz in his pocket seconds later. The waiter walked out and set their plates down, saying he would be right back with their wine.

“Actually, I’ve changed my mind, I’m going to just stick with water.” Chay stopped the man before he could walk away and was given a smile. 

“No worries, I can take it off of your bill.” The man went back inside, retrieved Kim’s wine, and brought it out, wishing them a good meal. 

They chatted about a lot of things. School, music, new video games, new movies, favorite books, then the conversation got more serious. They talked about what they wanted for their futures, what their plans were for the next few years. Then Kim finally found the courage to ask.

“What are we?” 

Chay froze. The question had seemingly come from nowhere and he was confused. 

“I’ve been thinking we’re boyfriends. Are we not?” Chay asked carefully, his heart hurt a bit.

“ Boyfriends. ” Kim whispered, his finger beginning to tap on the table. One, two, three, four, five. 

“Kim, tell me what you’re thinking about.” Chay kept his hands to himself, watching Kim.

“ Partners were forbidden. Pa said. ” Kim murmured. His finger was still moving up and down as he counted in his mind. 

“Well, your Pa is in the ground. Phi Kinn and my Hia both support us so there’s no worry about the new leaders saying no. What do you think about that?” Chay presented the logic and let Kim process it. 

“I’m worried the wrong person will find out and you’ll be hurt.” Kim’s finger still tapped on the table but he spoke louder.

“Well, I’m trained as a guard so I can protect myself. Plus I know that if I’m taken, the family will find me. I’ll be okay.” Chay set his hands on the table after moving their empty plates out of the way. Kim stopped tapping and held Chay’s hand instead. 

“You’d really let me be your boyfriend?” Kim’s voice was a bit wobbly, his hand a bit unsteady. 

“Not let, I want you to be my boyfriend.” Chay smiled when Kim’s grip tightened.

“I want to be your boyfriend, too.” Kim said from behind his hair. 

“Boyfriends it is, then.” Chay got up from his chair and brought it over to sit next to Kim, pulling the older man into his shoulder. He then pressed the button so they could get their bill. Once everything was paid, they walked back out to the car and drove back to the compound. 

“Do you want to stay here or at your apartment? I didn’t really think about it and just brought us here without thinking.” Chay rubbed the back of his neck with a grimace. 

“I um, I don’t really want to go home yet.” Kim admitted with a dark blush. Chay’s nervousness that he had made a mistake morphed into a cheeky grin. 

“Aw, Kimmy wants a slumber party?” He leaned over to poke Kim in the side, the older man had barely moved but Chay was suddenly caught by his finger, the appendage being bent back to a painful angle. 

“Keep making fun of me and I’ll just go home.” Kim growled, his eyes looking a bit intimidating. 

“Ow, ow! Okay, I get it! No poking fun when you’re trying to be brave, I’m sorry,” Kim dropped Chay’s finger, “But seriously though, want to come to my suite and watch a movie? It’ll be a good way to decompress some more from the day.” Chay rubbed his hand while Kim thought things over. 

“I want to do that.” Kim nodded, his hair once again hiding his face. Chay reached out and tucked Kim’s hair behind his ear. Kim flinched but made himself hold still. Chay didn’t want to hurt him, he just wanted to see him. 

“I’m really proud of you, you know. You’ve been so strong and so brave. You did so well today.” Chay lifted Kim’s hand to his lips and kissed it, Kim carefully watching him. 

“I don’t really know how to react to that.” Kim felt something in his tummy, a warm fluttering sensation. His heart felt like it was skipping beats and his brain had gone a bit fuzzy. 

“That’s okay. I said it because I mean it, not because I’m looking for a reaction.” Chay peppered a few more kisses over Kim’s hand and stopped when Kim giggled. 

Kim’s hand flew to his mouth and his eyes were wide. Chay looked up with equally wide eyes but instead of shock, his eyes were filled with adoration. 

“I think I’m going to need to hear that sound at least once a day for the rest of my life.” Chay said, completely serious. 

“I can’t remember the last time I laughed like that.” Kim’s eyes began to fill with tears, but they weren’t scared, or sad, or angry. He was happy. 

“I’m so proud of you.” Chay hauled his torso and hips over the center console, his legs still on his side of the car, and wrapped his arms around Kim. Kim hugged him back, nuzzling his nose into his boyfriend’s neck as he let his happiness overflow.

Chapter Text

When they got inside Kim immediately asked for mouthwash. 

“My mouth feels and tastes gross from dinner. I need mouthwash.” Kim’s fingers wiggled at his sides as he tried to not let his tongue touch his teeth. 

“Oh, yeah sure. Follow me.” Chay walked to his bathroom and opened a cabinet behind his mirror. He pulled out a bottle of mouthwash and a cup. 

“Do you want to use a cup or use it straight from the bottle?” Chay held both out to his boyfriend. 

“Bottle is fine, thanks.” Kim took the bottle, uncapped it, and took a mouthful of the stuff. Chay took the bottle from Kim and also took a swig. They had to not stare at each other otherwise they would laugh and spit mouthwash everywhere.

Once they spit the liquid out they began to laugh, mimicking each other’s faces.

“Ow, my abs!” Chay ended up sitting on the toilet to keep from collapsing, Kim didn’t care and plopped on his butt straight on the floor to catch his breath. 

“So, what movie should we watch?” Kim asked from his spot on the floor, still holding his own stomach. 

“Have you seen A Space Odyssey ?” 

“No”

“Then we’re watching that. It’s something everyone should experience at least once in their lifetime.” Chay got up and pulled Kim to his feet, his hands landing on the older man’s waist. 

“Is it a good movie? I get bored easily and start doing other things if my attention isn’t held.” Kim picked a fluff off of Chay’s shirt. 

“I know, that’s why I think this one is the perfect choice.” Chay smiled and led Kim over to the couch. He then piled pillows and blankets on the older so he could choose what he wanted to cuddle with and where to put it.

Chay then queued up the movie and popped some popcorn in his microwave before sitting down next to Kim, who promptly tucked him into his little cozy spot on the couch with him. Then Chay hit play. 

Kim lasted twenty minutes before the fidgeting began. Then Kim let his hand wander to pick at the seam of Chay’s jeans. Then his hand moved to find something better to play with, the loose end of Chay’s belt. He occupied himself with it for five minutes before trying to hold in a sigh. He squirmed again and Chay set the popcorn on the table.

Kim finally let out a massive sigh at the thirty-five minute mark and threw himself across Chay’s lap, looking up at his boyfriend.

“Boooooooored.” He whined. Chay smirked, perfect. 

“Aww, I thought you would like this one. It’s all artsy and stuff, right up your alley.” Chay ran his fingers through Kim’s hair, a soft smile now on his face as Kim’s eyes fluttered a bit. 

“This is bad artsy. This is ‘I don’t like it’ artsy. I wanna do something else.” Kim flopped around in Chay’s lap, really leaning into his perturbed toddler act. 

“Hmm, well, what do you want to do?” Chay wiggled his eyebrows and watched with glee as Kim flushed. 

“I, um, nothing. This is fine.”

“Oooo, Kim, what did you just think about, naughty boy!” Chay tried to get Kim to look at him again but the older man clenched his eyes shut, refusing to open them. 

“No. You started it, I’m not telling you. Get your fingers off my face.” Kim slapped at Chay’s hands as he tried to gently pry open his boyfriend’s eyes. 

“Oh come on, we’re both adults here. You can tell me.” Chay gave up on trying to open Kim’s eyes and went back to carding his fingers through his hair, trying to get the older man to relax. 

“If I say it but you can’t be mean about it.”

“I understand. No being mean when you’re being brave.” Chay lowered his voice, letting it soothe his boyfriend while he continued to pet his hair. 

“I want to kiss you. Not just a little one either.” Kim still kept his eyes closed, unable to look at Chay. 

“I want to do that too.” Chay said quietly. He watched as Kim convinced himself to open his eyes to look up at him. 

“You do? You’re not just saying that?” Kim looked so small, a bit of fear in his eyes mixed with anxiety. 

“Kim, I want you. Whatever you will give me I will accept.” Chay dropped his hand as Kim sat up, monitoring his boyfriend’s reaction. 

Kim began to lean forward but stopped himself.

“Can I? Kiss you, I mean.” Chay nodded his consent and when Kim leaned forward, Chay placed his hand on the side of his boyfriend’s neck, gently pulling him in. 

The first contact was soft, a bit hesitant, testing the waters. The second kiss was a bit more involved. Then there was the third, mouths still closed but both inhaled deeply through their noses. The feeling was soft, warm, safe. 

They kissed like that a few more times and then Chay flicked out his tongue. Kim pulled back a bit, separating them. 

“Are you not ready for that? It’s okay if you’re not.” Chay rubbed his thumb over the skin of Kim’s neck.

“I was just a bit shocked. Keep going.” Kim leaned back in and Chay met him half way. 

Chay tried again, Kim letting him in this time. Kim let Chay take the lead, he’d never kissed like this before and he was dedicated to learning. What he didn’t expect was for it to feel good. He thought people did it because it built a mental bond, but the sensation was actually very nice. 

Kim got up the courage to try taking the lead and it made such a difference. He really liked letting Chay stroke his mouth with his tongue, but to have Chay suck on his? It was amazing. 

Kim couldn't help the small sound that floated up from his throat. Chay swallowed it greedily, sucking and stroking Kim’s tongue to coax another from him. 

Kim made another sound and Chay couldn’t help himself. He turned and grabbed Kim by his waist, guiding him to straddle and kneel over his lap. He pushed down a bit on his boyfriend’s thighs, urging Kim to fully sit, but Kim pulled away again. 

“I can’t, I’m too heavy.” Kim panted a bit, face flushed and his hands tightly gripped the fabric where Chay’s shirt covered his shoulders. 

“Kim, I am not going to die from you putting weight on my legs. Sit. ” Chay’s voice was low, his eyes were intense, and his hands were firm. Kim allowed himself to slowly place his full weight on Chay’s lap, looking up with big eyes.

“Good?” 

“So good.” Chay said breathily before he grabbed Kim’s jaw with both hands and pulled him back in, plunging his tongue into the older man’s mouth. Kim kept a tight grip on Chay’s shoulders to ground himself a bit. 

Chay’s hands lowered, down Kim’s sides, to his waist, squeezing his thighs. He slowly reached back and held Kim’s ass, loving how it felt in his hands, but the moment Chay squeezed, the moment broke. 

“Stop.” Kim quickly pulled back, reaching behind himself to grab Chay’s wrists. 

“Okay. What happened?” Chay asked gently as he brought his hands back up and set them on Kim’s chest, letting him feel and see them so he knew where they were. 

“I, it was fine but then you squeezed and I just-” Kim took a deep breath and tried to steady himself. 

“You don’t have to tell me right now if you’re not ready, but we will have to talk about it sometime.” Chay had gotten his breathing under control and watched as Kim took deep breaths. 

“I don’t want to ruin the moment.” Kim admitted.

“You won’t be ruining a single thing. I want to know so I can help you.” Chay let Kim hold onto his wrists.

“Bad things have happened to me in the past. Bad sexual things,” Kim looked at Chay and the younger man nodded, urging him to keep talking, “I’ve lost count of the amount of investors that have tossed in fifty thousand baht extra because my Pa let them grab my ass. I just, you squeezed and I went back to all those old men touching me.” Kim felt a tear slide down his cheek, he angrily wiped it away. 

“I’m so sorry. That’s awful and never should have happened. Is there anything I can do right now to help?” Chay brought his hands up and held Kim’s face, using his thumbs to wipe away the tears that kept falling. Kim still held onto his wrists but not so tightly anymore.

“I don’t want them to have this kind of control over me. I want to let you touch me and I want to like it. I liked it until you squeezed. I want to have this with you.” Kim let out a quiet sob and crumpled forward in Chay’s lap, wrapping his arms around the younger’s neck. 

“Then we can go slow. However slow you need. If that’s half a mile an hour then we do that. Whatever you need, I will do. Whenever you say stop, we stop. I’ve got you.” Chay wrapped his arms around Kim’s waist, pulling him tight against his body to help his nervous system calm. He carefully kissed  Kim’s neck and then buried his nose there, letting his boyfriend cry. 

“That movie sucked and I think you did it on purpose.” Kim managed to say after a few minutes, face still tucked into his boyfriend’s shoulder. Chay couldn’t help how hard he laughed. 

“Ah, you’ve caught me. I thought I was being so sneaky!” Chay said, laughing harder when Kim finally sat up just to give him a stink eye.

“I have a question.” Kim said, looking down to pick at Chay’s shirt. 

“I have an answer.” Chay replied, a smile still on his face.

“Would you mind if I slept over?”

“I would love that.” Chay said, then leaned forward to kiss Kim’s forehead.

Chapter Text

Chay decided that pizza was needed for this sleepover. Every good sleepover has to have some kind of junk food. 

“Hey, what kind of pizza do you like?” Chay asked as he pulled up the app to order. 

“Oh, um,” you can be honest, trust him, “I like Hawaiian pizza.” Kim said, shrinking into his shoulders a little as he waited for Chay to say something mean about his food choice. Everyone called him disgusting and gross for liking pineapple on pizza. 

“Okay sounds good, I’ll do one half Hawaiian and one half deluxe.” Is all Chay said, typing on his phone. Kim’s eyes widened.

“Oh.” Is all Kim managed to say. Chay looked up from his phone. 

“Is something wrong? It’s not too late to change the order.” Chay looked at Kim and waited. 

“It's just, people usually don’t like my pizza choice. They tell me I’m gross for choosing it and that it’s disgusting.” Kim confessed, not meeting Chay’s gaze. It’s stupid to be upset over something like this.

“Well it sounds like people need to shut the fuck up and learn to mind their own business.” Chay said, looking back at his phone to finish placing the order. Kim fought to not let his jaw hit the floor at the blunt statement. 

Together they picked two movies, Finding Nemo and Coraline. They decided to watch Coraline first so they could ease their minds with a cute movie after. 

As Coraline played, Kim pointed out a lot of things that Chay had missed when he had watched it on his own. The other father riding the praying mantis from Coraline’s room, how the tunnel had clothes in it from previous children, how the people never said Coraline’s name to really drive home that she is never listened to. Then the pizza arrived and they had to pause the movie, Kim grumbling about the flow being disturbed. 

They munched together on the couch and finished Coraline. Kim held Chay’s thigh at one point when he got a bit scared, his grip tightening as the other mother tried to chase Coraline down the tunnel. Chay carefully draped his arm around Kim’s shoulder and pulled him to himself, noticing how Kim was chewing on his thumb from nerves.

Coraline slammed the door closed and escaped, letting Kim take a deep breath. Chay scratched the top of Kim’s head to help him relax.

When Coraline went to the well for the last time, Kim screamed a rapid string of shocked words.

“They just tossed the key back to her! OH MY GOD!” And Chay had to laugh at how into the movie his boyfriend was, Kim flapping his hand at the television as he questioned how they could have done what they did.

“I never noticed that but I think you’re right.” Chay was impressed by how many details Kim was catching, loving the added experience. 

Then at the end, the frame zoomed out to show the garden and Kim slapped Chay’s thigh, the younger wincing a bit at the strength of the slap.

“It’s her! What if Coraline never escaped?!” Kim was now sitting up while pointing and when the movie ended, he turned to Chay with an expectant look.

“What?” Chay laughed.

“Is there a second one? There has to be, there’s so many things left unanswered!”

“Nope, no second one, just an open ending and our imaginations.” Chay was smiling widely as Kim ranted about how unfair it was to leave the viewers hanging like that. 

Once Kim settled a bit, they played Finding Nemo. 

“I’ve never seen this one, either. I wasn’t really allowed to watch movies or shows growing up.” Kim adjusted the blankets and pillows again, all of his dramatics while watching Coraline having disturbed them. He carefully tucked Chay in too, making sure his boyfriend was warm and happy. 

As the movie played, Kim brought his legs up onto the couch and curled up further against Chay’s side, now hugging his arm.

Kim cried when Nemo was kidnapped. He also cried when Nemo screamed for his Dad when he was scared. Then he cried when all the fish worked together to escape the fishermen’s net. He wasn’t nearly as loud watching this movie.

“I liked that one too.” Kim said while trying to hide how he was still dabbing at his eyes.

“I’m glad, I’m sorry it made you cry though.” Chay let Kim keep hugging his arm while he pouted. 

“I’m losing cool points for crying over a kids movie.” 

“Nah, it’s pretty cool to let yourself feel things and have a healthy reaction.” Chay said while leaning over to kiss the top of Kim’s head, enjoying how the man blushed. 

Then Kim yawned.

“Want to go to sleep?” Chay asked.

“I, um, need to tell you something first,” Chay nodded his head to let Kim know he was listening, “I’m a, uh, violent sleeper. I think I should sleep out here.” Kim didn’t look at Chay, instead looking down to pick at the blanket in his lap. 

“Oh, that’s okay. This is a pullout couch so if sleeping out here is more comfortable for you I can easily make up the bed,” Chay shrugged and acted like Kim had just told him the sky is blue. Kim looked at him in shock, “What?” Chay looked back at him, a bit shocked himself. 

“I’ve badly hurt people who were too close to me while I slept, Chay. I was scared to tell you because I thought you might send me home.” Kim explained.

“I would never make you leave because you have trauma responses. I promise. Now, let’s get this bed made up for you.” Chay patted Kim’s leg and stood, holding his hand out to help Kim get off the couch. 

Once the bed was pulled out and made, Chay helped Kim get himself comfortable. Once the older man was properly tucked in, Chay held his phone and waved it a bit. 

“If you need absolutely anything, text me. I mean anything, too.” Chay pocketed his phone and watched how Kim shrunk a bit. 

“I’ll do my best.” Kim said in a small voice. 

“That’s all I ask. Do you want me to leave a light on? It gets creepy out here in the dark.” Chay walked over to a lamp and turned it on, showing Kim the level of light it put off so he could decide if he wanted it on or not.

“Yes please, I don’t really like the dark.” Kim said from his fluff mountain, the second bit almost inaudible. Chay smiled at Kim’s honesty. 

“And you’re absolutely sure that you want to stay out here? I really wouldn’t mind sharing my bed.” Chay was nervous and trying to check every box, he wanted Kim happy and comfortable but hated leaving him out in the living room by himself.

“I’m sure. I honestly don’t think I could let myself sleep if I felt I was too close to you and could hurt you.” Kim said, not looking at Chay. 

“Okay. Well, if at any time you change your mind, you can come climb in, okay? I promise I won’t mind. Goodnight, and I’ll see you in the morning for sure.” Chay smiled and walked over to place a kiss on Kim’s forehead. Kim caught his hand and kissed it. 

“Good night, and thank you, for everything.” Kim blushed and let go of Chay’s hand, huddling under the blankets to try and hide his cheeks and ears. 

“I will give you anything you want or need, all you have to do is ask. Now, try to get some rest.” Chay smiled and before he closed his bedroom door, he gave Kim a little wave. Kim poked his hand out to wave back.

_____

Chay was woken up by screaming.

“No! I don’t want it! Please, stop!” It was Kim’s voice. Chay launched out of bed, ready to defend Kim from whoever must have broken in. He grabbed his gun from his nightstand and yanked his door open. But no one was there. 

“Please, I don’t want to. Please!” The begging was coming from Kim who was still tucked under the blankets on the pullout. Chay lowered his gun and felt tears burning in his eyes. He set his gun down on a table while noticing that Kim was trying to thrash as he begged.

Chay walked over and carefully sat down on the edge of the bed, slowly removing the items that were holding down Kim’s arms so he wouldn’t feel so restricted. 

“It’s alright, Kim. You’re with Chay. When you wake up it’ll all be over and you’ll be safe. Just wake up for me. It’s okay, I’m-” As Chay continued to speak softly, Kim wass suddenly awake and shot up into a sitting position. He spotted Chay while still fresh out of his nightmare and attacked. 

Chay was tackled to the floor and Kim pinned him there with a hand on his throat and his face twisted into a snarl. He wasn’t hurting Chay but he easily could. Chay reached up with one hand and pet Kim’s arm before he began to speak softly to his boyfriend again. 

“Hi, phi. It’s just Chay. You can wake up now. You’re safe. Come on, phi, wake up for me.” Chay felt a couple of tears escape his eyes as he watched Kim. His eyes were flicking back and forth, his chest heaved as he stared down at Chay. Then he blinked. 

“Oh my god. Oh my god I’m so sorry I didn’t know I’m so sorry.” Kim was immediately off of Chay and was using his arms and legs to push himself away from him. He goes until he hits a wall with his back, his eyes frantic. Chay moved to stand from the floor but Kim flinched and raised his arms to protect his head. 

“It’s only me, Kim. It’s just your Chay. I will never hurt you. I promise. Take some deep breaths for me.” Chay sat back down and pulled his legs to his chest, setting his chin on his knees so he could watch Kim from a distance to make sure his boyfriend was safe. 

Kim slowly lowered his arms, trying his best to catch his breath. He wrapped his arms around himself and squeezed. He was crying but couldn't stop. His father would have hit him for these tears. Chay wasn’t hitting him.

Kim sobbed and got up just so he could rush over to Chay and drop himself into his lap. He wrapped his legs around his boyfriend’s waist and hugged his arms around Chay’s neck. Silently, Chay stood with Kim wrapped around him and got onto the pullout bed, laying down on his back, moving Kim’s legs so he could straddle him comfortably. 

“I will never hurt you. I will never judge you. I will always be here for you. I promise.” Chay murmured into Kim’s ear as he rubbed his back. He let Kim cry. 

“There were so many. So many hands. It was awful.” Kim finally said after twenty minutes of crying, still keeping his face hidden in Chay’s neck. 

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Kim.” Chay whispered, still rubbing Kim’s back. He grabbed a blanket to tuck over them, hoping the additional warmth would help soothe Kim’s frayed nerves.

“Please, just keep holding me.” Kim begged, more tears escaped his eyes. 

“Always. I will always hold you. All you need to do is keep letting me.” Chay said and kissed Kim’s hair. 

Slowly, they fell into a light sleep together.

Chapter Text

It was hours later when Chay woke up, Kim was still sleeping on top of him. He gently rubbed Kim’s back, enjoying the intimacy of the moment. The room was quiet and the lamp kept it dimly lit. He listened to Kim’s soft breathing as he slept peacefully.

Chay let himself think about what had happened a few hours ago. He let himself process how he had felt and what he had been thinking. He thought about how scared he had been and how sad seeing Kim in that state had made him feel. He carefully hugged his boyfriend and cried silently. 

He hated that people had been so awful to Kim that he couldn’t escape even when he slept. He hated that Kim couldn’t even order a damn pizza without second-guessing himself. He hated that just about every movie and show was new to Kim because he had never been allowed movie nights. He hated Kim’s trauma and the people who created it. 

“Mmmm, w’ time ‘s it…” Kim asked in a sleepy voice, his breath warm against Chay’s neck. 

“Just after six in the morning, you can sleep more if you want.” Chay kissed Kim’s ear and rubbed his back, listening to how Kim made a purring noise.

“Mmmmmmm this is nice.” Kim nuzzled his nose against Chay’s throat and both dozed off again.

_____

When Kim woke up again, Chay was asleep under him. He wiggled a little to get more comfortable but felt something. Shit. 

Kim’s entire body tensed and he tried not to cry. Chay was hard against him and he didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t meant to make Chay hard. It was his fault and Chay was going to be upset. 

As if he could hear Kim thinking, Chay woke up.

“Hey. Mmm, why are you so tense, baby? Did you have another nightmare?” Chay rubbed Kim’s back again, trying to help him to relax.

“I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry.” Kim whispered, still tense and being careful to not move. Chay made a confused noise. 

“Didn’t mean to? What do you mean?” Chay kept running his hand up and down Kim’s back, trying to ease his panic.

“I, I, please don’t be mad, I made you hard.” Kim tensed even further, trying to be ready for the screaming and for Chay to throw him off of him. 

“Kim, this is morning wood. You didn’t do it.” Chay fought back his embarrassment about his bodily functions so he could talk to Kim.

“No, you don’t understand,” Kim tried to get away but Chay kept him in a hug, “Whenever someone gets an erection around another person, it’s that person's fault. I understand if you want me to take responsibility. I’m just sorry that I did that to you.” Kim was trying not to shake. He could do this, Chay had done so much for him, he could return a favor . Kim suddenly felt nauseous.

“What? Kim, hold on,” Chay sat them up, moving Kim back a bit so he couldn’t feel his erection, “You aren’t responsible for someone else’s erection. Ever. Whoever told you that lied to you. You didn’t do anything to anyone, ever, unless you were having consensual sex. No, Kim, look at me,” Chay lifted Kim’s face with a finger, “You did not do anything bad and you never need to take responsibility. You can say no. You can always say no, no matter what.” Chay watched as Kim absorbed what he had said.

“But, I’m supposed to help you. You got hard because of me.” Kim sounded so small and confused.

“Kim, you never have to touch me. You never have to touch anyone. If you are not excited to touch someone or excited to have them touch you, no touching should happen. Ever. Do you understand me?” Kim looked at Porchay with watery eyes.

“So I don’t have to help you?” Kim’s chin began to wobble. Porchay held Kim’s face in both of his hands.

“You never have to help me or anyone else. You can always say no to me and I will listen every time.” Chay had to use one hand to catch himself and one hand to wrap around Kim to catch him. Kim had suddenly gone limp in his hold. 

Chay twisted to lie Kim down on the pullout bed, carefully setting him down. When he looked at Kim’s face, his eyes were completely vacant and he wasn’t blinking. 

Chay patted Kim’s face and called his name. He couldn’t get him to respond. V egas, he needed to call Vegas . He picked up his phone and clicked the speed dial, it rang four times before Vegas picked up. 

“For the love of Satan why are you call-”

“It’s Kim. Phi, I don’t know what happened. He was talking about how he was sorry that I got morning wood and was saying it was his fault and how he would take responsibility. I told him he never had to do that and that it wasn’t his fault and that whoever told him he had to lied to him. He just went limp and now he’s not responding. Did I give him a stroke?” Chay brushed his hand through Kim’s hair while he cried and spilled every detail to Vegas, embarrassment forgotten.  

“Woah, hold on, kid. I’m on my way. It’s not a stroke. Keep him warm and put an ice pack on his chest over his shirt. Stay on the phone with me, it’s gonna be okay. Are you at your place or his?” Vegas whispered to Pete and then a door closed in the background. Chay was up and running to his freezer.

“We’re at my place, here in the compound, suite 231. Please, phi, I need you to hurry.” Chay ran back to Kim and gently placed the ice pack on his sternum before going back to petting his inky hair while he tucked a blanket over him. 

“I’m on my way, remember to breathe, kid. He isn’t dying, it’s intense dissociation. He’s only done this a handful of other times. Stay close to him, he’s going to need to see someone he feels safe with when he comes out of it.” Vegas was running down the halls, he skipped the elevators and took the stairs, running up them three at a time.

“Did I hurt him phi? Please, I promised him that I would never hurt him.” Chay choked down a sob, his shaky hand still petting Kim’s head as he stared at nothing. 

“He isn’t hurt. His brain is trying to protect him from resurfacing trauma. What room number did you say you’re in?” Vegas looked at the numbers where he was, trying to remember which 200 he was looking for.

“231. Resurfacing trauma? You mean he remembered something and his brain stopped working?” Chay tried to breathe, tried to stay calm.

“Yeah, he remembered one or more things and his brain sent him into a dissociative state to protect him, god damnit this place is a maze.” Vegas turned around and ran the other way, watching the numbers on the room doors.

“But he’ll come out of it, you said it’s happened before so he’ll be okay, right?” Chay could feel his panic trying to break out of the box he’d shoved it into. 

“He’ll come out of it, I don’t know how he’ll be once he does though. 228, 229, 230, 231. I’m here, let me in.” Vegas said, his breath a little ragged. Chay launched himself from the pullout couch and ran for the door. When he pulled it open a winded Vegas was standing there. 

“Oh thank fuck.” Chay grabbed Vegas by the hand and pulled him inside, bringing him over to where Kim was.

“Hey Kimmy, it’s phi. You’re safe. Chay is here too and he’s really worried about you. Try to fight through it, nong. You can come back, you’re safe. You have two people here who will keep you safe.” Vegas pulled his shoes off and crawled onto the bed, he then pulled the blanket off before taking Kim’s hand into his and rubbing it vigorously. He removed the ice pack to give the skin a break. 

“Tell me what you’re doing. I want to be able to help him.” Chay stood at the foot of the bed and carefully watched.

“Stimulation. It can help the brain register the body and reconnect faster. I removed the ice because if it’s on too long it can hurt his skin. Ice should be on for ten minutes and off for ten minutes. Here, come here and rub one of his legs.” Vegas pulled up one of Kim’s sleep pants legs, exposing his skin.

“Like this?” Chay sat down and brought Kim’s leg into his lap, rubbing with both hands. 

“Harder. You won’t break him and his brain needs it. There, like that.” Chay kept up the pressure as he rubbed Kim’s leg, Vegas switching to Kim’s other hand.

“Kim, come on. It’s your Chay. Vegas is here too. Neither of us will let anything happen to you. You can come back.” When Chay spoke, Kim’s eyes twitched.

“Wait, keep talking to him.” Vegas watched Kim’s face carefully and continued rubbing his hands.

“Kim, it’s okay. We’ve got you. You just have to come back. You never have to do any of that again. You’re safe. I will keep you safe.” Chay said. Kim’s leg twitched and he gasped.

“Good. Come on, Kimmy. You can do it. Your boyfriend is here waiting for you. He’s going to give you the best hug but you’ve got to come back first.” Chay blushed at Vegas calling him Kim’s boyfriend but watched as Kim’s fingers moved, trying to hold Vegas’s hand. 

“Come on, baby. We’ve got you. It’s just me and Vegas. You can do it.” Chay saw Kim blink and then there was so much movement in a fraction of a second. 

Kim gasped again when he sat up, and then his hand that wasn’t being held by Vegas grabbed his cousin by his arm. Somehow he flipped Vegas over his shoulder and twisted his arm so he couldn’t move.

“Kim! No! Drop!” Chay commanded, Kim’s eyes flew to him.

“Kimmy, it’s okay. It’s only phi.” Vegas said through clenched teeth, pain radiating up and down his arm. 

“Kim. Release.” Chay said sternly. Kim let go of Vegas but the man stayed where Kim had put him.

“Kimmy, you good? You with us?” Vegas asked, careful to speak quietly. 

“I, what..” Kim tried to speak but couldn’t quite piece everything together. 

“Kim, look at me,” Kim immediately looked at Chay, “You went into a dissociation episode, a bad one. It’s just me and Vegas. You’re safe.” Chay slowly explained, Kim’s brain catching up.

“Oh my god! Phi, I’m so sorry. Jesus, how many times do I have to throw you for you to stop getting close to me when I’m gone.” Kim immediately backed away from Vegas to give him space to get up. Vegas was freaking smiling. 

“Eh, never hurts to be reminded of what you’re capable of. How’re you feeling?” Vegas stretched out his shoulder and Chay watched the two men with wide eyes. 

“Foggy. What happened?” Kim rubbed his hands over his face and looked between Chay and Vegas. 

“Do you, you don’t remember the conversation we had?” Chay watched Kim carefully, prepared to catch him again. 

“No. I don’t remember,” Kim’s eyes suddenly filled with tears, “ Oh.” 

“Yeah. Want to lay down?” Chay held his hands out just in case Kim fell forward. His boyfriend carefully laid back, Vegas helping him.

“I remember now.” Was all Kim said before he brought his thumb to his mouth to chew on it.

“That’s the first time you didn’t remember right away. Pretty bad?” Vegas picked up the ice pack and set it back on Kim’s chest, apologizing when his little cousin shivered. 

“Yeah, it’s bad. It’s the stuff I told you I wouldn’t tell you about.” Kim looked at Vegas and his cousin leaned forward to place a long kiss on the top of his head.

“I know you think I don’t know, but I do. It wasn’t my choice to be told. I’m so sorry, Kimmy.” Kim broke down, loud sobs escaping him as he turned to Vegas, needing to be held. 

“I didn’t want you to know because it’s just like you.” Kim managed to say between gasps as he desperately clung to Vegas. 

“I know, I’m so sorry. I would never wish any of that on anyone.” Vegas whispered into Kim’s ear. Chay stayed at the foot of the bed, respecting that Kim hadn’t asked for him. He wasn’t about to touch him without permission right now. 

Chay watched as Vegas held his boyfriend. Kim sobbing and managing to say small amounts of what had happened to him and what he remembered. Chay suddenly ran to the bathroom, vomiting into the toilet. 

“He thinks I’m disgusting, doesn’t he?” Kim wailed. Vegas shushed him. 

“I can guarantee he doesn’t. It’s hard to stomach hearing what has been done to the ones you love.” Vegas knew Porchay didn’t have a bone in his body that could be cruel to Kim. He knew he was losing his stomach contents to the toilet because of how shocking and horrifying this information was. 

The toilet flushed and the water in the sink ran while Chay brushed his teeth. So much rape. So much torture. He clung to the edge of the sink to keep himself from collapsing. He took deep breaths to keep himself from being sick again. When he left the bathroom, Kim turned in Vegas’s arms to search for him. When their gazes met, Kim’s face crumpled and he stretched his arms out for Chay. 

The younger man wasted no time in rushing over, getting on the bed, and lying down to pull Kim to his body. He closed his eyes and just let Kim cry. He held him with an arm around his waist and a hand on the back of his head, trying to shield him from the world. 

Vegas sat up and kept watch, knowing that Kim would feel safer with someone watching over them.

Chapter Text

Kim had cried himself to sleep in Chay’s arms. Vegas hadn’t moved an inch and continued to stare at the door.

“He’s so fragile yet so strong. Like one wrong movement could shatter him but the strongest of punches would mean nothing.” Chay said to no one in particular, simply voicing his thoughts. 

“He’s like a Prince Rupert’s Drop. Indestructible unless you exploit his weakest area. With Korn dead almost all of him is becoming exposed. He’s feeling safer so his walls aren’t as thick and aren’t as high. With you, he has no walls at all, he never has, honestly.” Vegas didn’t turn to look at Chay, talking to the air in front of him.

“How do I fix it? How do I make it better?” Chay kept talking softly, his hug still tightly holding Kim to his body. 

“You don’t. All you can do is be there for him and offer stability.” Vegas turned his head back a bit but still didn’t show his eyes. 

“It’s not fair. He didn’t deserve any of that. He doesn’t deserve all these wounds. I just want him to be happy.” Chay placed a whisper of a kiss into the hair on the top of Kim’s head. 

“You make him happy. With you he’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him. You’re helping him to process and heal. He is trying to trust other people again, too. There are going to be many rough moments, but you make him happy and help him feel safe.” Vegas said as he began to pick at the skin on his fingers. 

“You sound like you’re speaking from experience.”

“I am.”

_____

When Kim woke up, he asked Chay to sit at the kitchen table with him. Both men had a glass of water in front of them and Vegas quietly left. 

“Why are we sitting here, Phi?” Chay asked, trying to see Kim’s face behind a curtain of inky hair.

“We need to talk. I want you to ask any questions you have and I promise to answer them as best as I can.” Kim replied as he stared into his water glass. 

“Phi, we don’t have to talk about things unless you’re ready. I don’t want to ask something and have it hurt you.” Chay tried to reach across the table to hold Kim’s hand but the older man gently pulled away. 

“I need you to ask, Chay. I don’t do well when someone has thoughts and questions that they aren’t asking. I do much better when everything is on the table and all the information is known. I need you to ask, Chay.” Kim managed to look up a bit, his gaze peering through his hair to finally look at Chay. 

“I, I don’t,” Chay sighed and gathered himself, “Okay. Just stop me if you need to. Tell me about everything your Father had you do and let others do to you.” Chay watched as Kim gripped his water glass and took a deep breath before he began speaking. 

“At the beginning when I was fourteen, it was just the occasional ass-grab or getting to sit next to me during meetings to hold my thigh. At fifteen, they were allowed to touch me to further extents over my clothes only during meetings where my Father could see them. At sixteen, I lost that protection. They were allowed to see me privately. I was taken out for dinners and then taken to hotels. Sometimes they would just have me stand and watch as they got off. Sometimes I would kneel and they would finish on my face. Other times I would have to be more involved and use my hands,” Kim paused and took a drink of water, he inhaled deeply before continuing, “Two tried to buy blowjobs from me. I refused. Both times when I got home my Father had me beaten until I couldn’t walk. Both times I had to crawl through the compound to a landline to call Vegas to help me. I wasn’t able to stand unassisted for days after. If Vegas hadn’t been there for me, I don’t know what I would have done. This continued until I turned eighteen. That’s when I moved to my own place. I was still grabbed and touched but I no longer went to hotels. Pa had me beaten a last time when I refused a hotel visit. Once I healed enough to stand, I told him if he ever had me beaten again that I would do everything in my power to kill every person he tried to send me to. Pa stopped trying to force me to go to hotels after that.” Kim finished explaining and took another drink of water, his hands shaking. 

“Do you remember who did that to you? Names?” Chay clutched the glass in front of him, willing himself to speak calmly and gently for Kim’s sake. 

“I do.”

“Would you be willing to give me those names?” Chay took a deep breath, stay calm for him. 

“No, I would not. They are very important allies. The only one who can make decisions about those connections now is Kinn.” Kim stared at the table as he spoke. 

“Would you be willing to tell Kinn?”

“NO,” Kim said loudly before he took another deep, shaky breath, “No, I’m not ready for that.”

“Okay. I won’t push you about it. What can I do to help you? How can I support you?” Chay watched as Kim shivered, the water in his glass quaking. 

“Keep being you. Keep teaching me about consent. Keep proving to me that you respect and value me. I am learning that I have a very skewed way of thinking, and I need you to be there for me when I am too shocked to function. Please, be patient with me .” Kim whispered the last sentence, his voice breaking. Tears began to land on the table and all Chay wanted was to get up and hug Kim, but he had already pulled away from him once and had not said he was ready to be touched yet. 

“I can do all of that. I can easily do all of that. I want to show you your worth, I want to be there as you regain your strength. I want to be there to support you as you find yourself again and grow. I just hope that you are okay with me tagging along on your journey. I’ll always be there, just behind you, to catch you if you’ll let me.” Chay said, his own tears beginning to fall.

Before Chay could really process what was happening, Kim was standing and grabbing his hand. The older man silently pulled him over to the couch and pushed him to sit. Kim tucked a pillow behind Chay’s back and then climbed into his lap. He hugged Chay’s neck and tucked his face into the bend of where his neck met his shoulder. Chay wrapped his arms around Kim’s waist and together, they cried.

_____

It was hours later when Kim said he wanted to go to his apartment.

“I’ll come back if you want me to, but if I’m going to stay here I need to pack up some things.” Kim played with his own fingers, eventually bringing his thumb up to his mouth to chew on. 

“I always want you here, and yeah, I understand that. I have one request,” Kim looked up and tilted his head a bit, cute, “Please bring Wen and Prong with you. I know you can take care of yourself but I really don’t want you to be alone right now.” Chay slowly reached forward to hold Kim’s free hand, giving him plenty of time to move away or say no. When Kim didn’t do either of those things, Chay gently took his hand in both of his. 

“I,” Kim sighed, “I can do that for you.” He said quietly, fighting down the urge to swear at Chay and tell him to shove it. He’s worried and he’s right. You’re in no state to be vigilant right now. 

“Thank you. I’ll come pick you up tonight, okay? Just stay at your place with Wen and Prong.” Chay gently held Kim’s face in his hands and pulled him forward a little bit so he could kiss his forehead. 

“Okay.” Kim whispered his agreement, reaching up to hold Chay’s wrists with gentle, grateful hands. 

_ ____

With Kim safe at his own apartment and unaware of what he was doing, Chay went down to the underground garage and took a car. 

“Tell Arm I took number 47 and will be back in a few hours. I have my phone on me if anyone needs me.” Chay told one of the guards that were underground. He climbed into a black toyota avalon and drove away. 

Chay stared at the road, knuckles white as he angrily gripped the steering wheel. He knew where he was going, shovel and wire cutters in the backseat. 

As he pulled up to the locked gate, Chay took a deep breath before pulling the wire cutters from the back seat. Once the gate was open, he drove the car into the cemetery and to the plot he knew the man was buried in. 

When he stepped out of the car with the shovel, he stretched his neck and rolled his shoulders. 

“Hey, Korn. Long time no see. You’ll be going on a ride with me tonight.” Chay then began digging. It didn’t take long to reach the urn that housed the monster’s ashes. He pulled the urn from the hole and tossed it aside on the ground before filling the hole back in.

He then tossed Korn onto the floor of the backseat of the car to roll around and drove away. It was a twenty minute drive to the next destination. Chay cut the chains on the gate there as well. 

“A much better resting spot for you.” Chay said before tossing Korn’s urn into the landfill. He then pulled out his cock and pissed on the metal jar. Once he was finished, he walked back to the car and placed the shovel and wire cutters into the trunk, Kim didn’t need to see those. 

“Alright, I’m on my way, Kim.” Chay forced a smile onto his face and began the drive to Kim’s apartment. 

_____

When Chay parked the car, he made himself take a moment for himself. He didn’t want to stress Kim out with a sour face. This was their time and he wanted to have a nice night. He then climbed from the car and headed inside. 

Kim had texted him the floor and apartment number so he told the front door guard that Kim was expecting him and then headed to the elevator. When he got to Kim’s floor, a genuine smile finally reached his face. He was excited. 

Chay nodded to the two guards standing outside of Kim’s door and then knocked. He couldn’t hear anything happening inside of the apartment and couldn’t hear any footsteps. Then the door opened.

“Hey.” Kim smiled, inviting Chay in. 

“Hi.” Chay walked inside and once the door was closed, he pulled Kim in for a soft kiss. He felt his boyfriend smile against his lips, that’s a good sign. 

As they walked further into the apartment, Chay relaxed further. 

“My bag is packed so I’m ready to go whenever you are.” Kim smiled and picked up a bottle of water to drink from it.

“I’m ready. Grab your bag and let’s go.” Chay smiled, finally feeling the stress and anger melt away from his mind. When Kim came back from his room, Chay held his hand out palm out. 

“What?” Kim stared at the hand with an eyebrow raised. Chay wiggled his fingers. 

“Gimme.” Chay said, eyeing Kim’s bag. 

“I can carry it. You really don’t-”

“Kim, give me the bag.” Chay let a smirk pull at his lips, watching Kim struggle. 

“I don’t understand. I can carry it.” Kim said, needing the why of Chay doing this. 

“Kim, I know you can carry it. I want to carry it for you because I care.” Chay watched Kim process and then blush. He silently handed the bag over with his head ducked. 

“Okay, let’s go.” Kim said, walking around Chay to get to the front door.

“Hey! Don’t forget me!” Chay was laughing as he jogged a little to catch up to Kim. 

_____

The two men were sitting on the couch in Chay’s apartment watching Inside Out when Chay got a phone call. 

“Hia.”

“Chay.”

“What do you want, Hia?”

“A certain urn has gone missing. A certain car was spotted driving around the cemetery a couple hours ago. That car was taken by a certain someone from the garage a few hours ago. You wouldn’t happen to know about the urn, would you?” Porsche’s voice was light, not an ounce of anger in it. Kim could hear the conversation through the speaker and paused the movie, a shocked look on his face. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Hia. I was getting ready for Kim to come over.” Kim’s eyes widened at Chay not beating around the bush that he was staying over. He brought a sweater paw up to his mouth, his thumb poking out so he could chew on it. Chay gently pulled the finger away from his mouth before he could make himself bleed. 

“Hmm. Well, if you hear anything, let me and Kinn know. We are obviously working very hard to find out what happened. Have a good date night with Kim.” Porsche said. 

“I’ll definitely let you two know first if I find anything out. Have a good night, Hia.” Chay hung up and turned back to the TV while wrapping an arm around Kim’s waist to pull him closer. Just as he was about to play the movie, Kim spoke.

“It’s my Pa’s urn, isn’t it? The missing urn, it’s his.” Kim stared forward, leaning on Chay’s shoulder. He tried to chew his thumb again but Chay reached up and held his hand instead. 

“It is.” Chay said easily. 

“Do you know where it is?”

“I do.”

“Will you tell me?”

“It’s in a landfill covered in my piss.”

“Did you do it because of the conversation we had?”

“Yes.”

Chay felt a gentle hand on his jaw and how it pulled to get him to turn his head. He was met with tear-filled wide eyes. Before he could ask if Kim was okay, the older man leaned in and kissed him gently. A silent thank you. 

Chapter Text

The kiss continued and stayed soft. Both men just feeling and expressing their affection. Then Kim opened his mouth and let his tongue wander. 

Chay welcomed his boyfriend’s tongue into his mouth with a sigh. He turned to Kim fully and held his waist with one hand, the other resting against the side of his neck. 

Kim lifted both hands to hold Chay on both sides of his neck, not wanting him to pull away. 

Carefully, Chay let his fingers on Kim’s waist slide just barely under his shirt. Kim felt the warmth and found himself wanting more. He reached down and pulled his shirt up a bit, grabbing Chay’s wrist to move his entire hand to lay against his skin. 

“So proud of you.” Chay whispered against his mouth before diving back in for more of Kim’s tongue. 

That sentence encouraged Kim. He let himself climb into Chay’s lap, straddling his thighs. He carefully allowed himself to sit and pulled away a bit to take a few deep breaths like he had learned in therapy. 

“You can stop whenever you want. You are in charge.” Chay placed his hands high on each of Kim’s sides, well away from his ass. Kim opened his eyes and met Chay’s gaze. 

“I want this.” Was all Kim said before leaning back in, but this time he went for Chay’s throat. He sucked and bit at the flesh, determined to leave marks. 

Chay let out small, breathy moans. His grip on Kim’s sides tightened and he tried to not squirm and did his best to keep his hips from lifting. He didn’t want to scare Kim. 

When Kim sat back, he grinned in satisfaction. A large dark mark covered a part of Chay’s throat. He leaned in to speak into Chay’s ear. 

“Don’t cover that up. I want people to see and know.” Kim giggled when Chay groaned and dropped his head back against the couch, his hands squeezing Kim’s hips even harder.

“You’re killing me, babe.” Chay was doing everything he could to hold himself back. He wanted to respect Kim’s needs but he also really wanted to return the marks. 

“I can see that. And feel it.” Kim smirked and moved his ass against his boyfriend's erection. Chay blushed deeply.

“I’m sorry. If you’re uncomfortable we can st-” Chay cut himself off with a low groan as Kim leaned down and bit down on the other side of his neck hard. 

“If I was uncomfortable I would let you know. Now, I want marks too.” Kim had barely finished his request before a hand threaded into the back of his hair, gently held a handful of the inky strands,  and pulled him forward. He caught himself on the back of the couch, just above both of Chay’s shoulders, a small moan falling from his mouth at the tight hold on his hair. 

Chay wasted no time in connecting his lips with Kim’s throat. Kim let out a sharp breath at the sensation. It was new but it was good. He loved the warmth and slight pinch as Chay worked to bruise his skin. Kim lost himself a bit, hips rocking just slightly in Chay’s lap, the younger smiling lightly against his skin.

When Chay pulled back and admired his work, Kim tilted his head to the side to let him see better. Chay ran his thumb over the mark, watching how Kim bit his lower lip at the sensation. 

“You look so pretty.” Chay took Kim’s chin between his pointer finger and thumb, guiding Kim into a slow, open-mouthed kiss. Kim couldn’t help the small whine that left him, opening his mouth more to get more of Chay’s tongue. Chay moved his spare hand around to hold his boyfriend by his lower back but Kim pulled away from the kiss. 

“Wait.”

“Okay, tell me what you need.” Chay froze, hand still low on Kim’s spine.

“Just, hold still. Let me process this.” Chay held carefully still to follow Kim’s request. Kim took deep breaths to calm himself, then he opened his eyes, staring into Chay’s as he reached back and moved the other’s hand to his ass.

Chay kept his hand very still, pressure so light Kim could barely feel it over his sweatpants. They carefully watched each other as Kim pressed Chay’s hand more firmly against his ass, still over his pants. He then moved Chay’s hand back to his waist when he felt a deeper panic trying to settle in. A massive sigh left Kim’s lungs and allowed himself a small smile. 

“I’m so proud of you.” Chay said, tears in his eyes.

“I don’t feel like you should be. I can’t even let you touch my ass.” Kim looked down, a bit ashamed. 

“No. You are processing and trying and you’re doing so well. I’m proud of you and I will never stop being proud of you.” Chay carefully pulled Kim into a hug and felt his boyfriend melt into him. 

“ Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome. I want you to always feel safe to be intimate with me. I promise you’re safe. You’re so brave and I’m just so proud.” Chay kissed the side of Kim’s neck lightly before setting his forehead on the older’s shoulder. 

“I don’t feel brave.” Kim admitted, letting Chay’s body heat soothe him. 

“You are facing one of the most terrifying things head on. You keep trying despite the hurdles. You refuse to give up. You are full of bravery and courage.” Chay said, voice a bit muffled by Kim’s shirt. 

Kim sat with those words, letting himself think them over. He repeated them in his mind, examining them, turning them over, and feeling them out. 

“I trust you to tell me the truth. I may not be able to believe those words right now, but I trust that they’re the truth.” Kim hugged Chay tighter, a lump forming in his throat. 

“I promise to always tell you the truth. I promise to be here for you. I promise to always help you. I promise, okay?” Chay felt his eyes sting with tears as he hugged Kim tighter too. 

“I promise to keep trying. I can’t offer you much else right now.” Kim said, deflating a bit when he heard how different his promise sounded and how small it seemed. 

“That’s all I could ever want from you. Just keep trying. Keep surviving.” Chay let his tears soak into Kim’s shirt, his voice wobbling a bit as he reached up to pet the back of Kim’s head. 

“I promise.” Kim said, sitting up to seal their deal with an emotion-filled kiss, their tears mixing on their cheeks. 

Chapter Text

When Chay and Kim arrived downstairs to have breakfast with the family, two people immediately spotted the very large bruises on their necks. Porsche choked on his coffee and Kinn froze with a forkful of eggs halfway to his mouth. Khun simply smiled and watched as Chay pulled Kim’s chair out for him. 

“What the hell is on your neck?!” Porsche finally screeched, Kinn setting down his fork on his plate. Kim froze and Chay quickly turned to him to make sure he was okay. 

Khun decided on a simple solution. Without taking his eyes and smile off of Kim, he bounced a fried potato off of Porsche’s forehead. 

“Now now. They are both adults and are both happy. Let’s leave them be, yes?” Vegas’s mouth almost dropped into the pits of hell when he heard Khun not only avoiding drama, but being a voice of reason. Porsche wiped the potato grease from his forehead and sat up straighter. Kinn was still silent and staring. 

“Right, yes, of course. Sorry for scaring you, Kim. Was just a little shocked.” Porsche eyed Khun warily as he held a sharp knife up to the light. Kinn worriedly curled his fingers under his palms and then tucked his hands under the table, not about to lose any digits to Khun after the promise he had previously made. 

“Um, it’s alright. I’m okay.” Kim was honestly too deep in his mind to try and put on a brave face, Chay began to pat Kim’s thigh. One, two, three, four, five. Pause. One, two, three, four, five. Pause. 

“So, does anyone have any plans for today? I know I have a day full of meetings and none of them are with people I like.” Kinn took it upon himself to try and move the topic away from what was causing discomfort. 

“Me and Pete have a date day planned, should be fun. We’re gonna take Mike and Top with us so they can have a date day under the guise of working.” Vegas said, winking at Pete.

“Oh! I’m going to binge a show with Arm and Pol! We finally found one that we all think sounds interesting! That hasn’t happened in seven months! Oh I can’t wait.” Khun clapped his hands together lightly, his eyes sparkling and his smile blinding.

“Speaking of your duo, where are they? No breakfast for them today? They know that’s not good for them, right?” Porsche asked, genuinely worried that they weren’t going to eat.

“Oh, they’re upstairs having a private breakfast. We like to do duo dates occasionally.” Khun explained, happily popping a potato into his mouth. 

“Ah, that makes sense. I hope you all have a great day with your show. Chay? Kim? Any plans today?” Porsche asked, a gentle smile on his face and his voice soft, hoping to avoid scaring Kim again. He really did care about the younger man, he just hadn’t gotten used to who he really was yet. 

“I have a pile of homework to do so I’ll be going to Pushing Daisies cafe to work. Kim, what are you going to do?” Chay made sure to push Kim to answer for himself. He needed to practice finding his confidence again and this was a perfect safe place to start. 

“Oh, um. Well I have a new novel I want to read so I figured I would go with you and sit and read. Is that okay?” Kim quietly asked the last bit. He hadn’t been invited but he really wanted to go with Chay. 

“Of course it’s okay! I’m really glad you asked to come with me, I like having you as my study buddy.” Chay hugged Kim’s waist with one arm and nuzzled his hair a little before letting go so they could go back to eating. Vegas and Khun looked at each other, the older man winked, knowing they had both caught on to Chay’s ‘push and reward’ tactic.

“Well, it sounds like everyone is going to have a fun day without me. I have to hang out with old farts to try and get them to sign stuff.” Kinn had stacked his glass, silverware, and napkin on his plate and was now pouting.

“Awwww, but I’ll be there later! I just have a couple of things to do before I help you.” Porsche said in a sappy tone, moving Kinn’s hair strands around so they framed his face perfectly. 

“You’re getting a manicure and massage. It’s not fair.” Kinn allowed himself to pout more. He wasn’t doing it just for himself, either. He wanted to show Kim that they were all different after their Pa had died. That it was okay to change and to let themselves relax.

“I know. You can come with me next time. Deal?” Porsche held out his hand in Kinn’s direction. The mafia head immediately sat up straight and smoothed his jacket out before shaking Porsche’s hand.

“Deal.”

“Well, since everyone seems finished, we should head off and get to starting our adventures! See you at dinner time, my family!” Khun clapped his hands a couple of times to signal them all to disperse. Kim jumped at the volume but he grabbed Chay’s arm in a death grip to keep himself grounded instead of shutting down. 

Once everyone left the room, Chay hugged Kim and encouraged him to hug him back. 

“You did so well. That must have been difficult.” Chay rubbed Kim’s back and swayed them from side to side slightly. 

“It was, but I’m glad I joined. Your brother scared me, though. I’m trying to learn that he won’t purposely hurt me. What if I lose control and hurt him?” Kim said into Chay’s shoulder. 

“Hia can take care of himself. Even against you. I know he wouldn’t win but he can always call for help. He wouldn’t hold it against you, either. He knows something is up but hasn’t pushed about it.” Chay sat back and looked at Kim’s face. When he saw that his boyfriend was crying, he used his thumbs to catch the salty droplets and deposited them on his pants. Kim took a deep breath and relaxed his body.

“I would like to get ready for the cafe now if you’re ready to get ready too.” Kim stated, letting himself ask for what he wanted.

“I’m ready, too. I’m going to need a lot of time to get my work done.” Chay wrinkled his nose and Kim smiled at how cute it was.

_____

When Chay held the door open for Kim and the little bell overhead jingled, Fern looked up from where she was cleaning and smiled.

“Hi! I’m so glad to see you two back here! Same orders as usual?” Fern walked over to the register and paused with her finger over the screen. 

“Yep, same as usual. Where’s Day?” Chay asked, not seeing the other girl around.

“She’s in the back putting a couple of things in the oven. She’ll be out in a little bit.” Fern said as she tore the receipt from the printer, choosing to hand it to Kim who quietly took it. 

“Hey Fern, I’ve got the chocolate, oh! Hi, Chay! Hi, Kim!” Day paused where she had pushed the door to the back open, wearing an apron covered in flour. Chay smiled and waved. 

“Hi, Day. I hope you’re doing well.” Kim said quietly, he waved as well and then pulled his jacket tight around his body. 

“I’m definitely doing better, I had a nasty cold for a couple of days last week. Oh! I want to show you something,” Day walked over to the counter that held three blenders on it, She tried to shake the bases bit but they didn’t move, she then tapped the pitchers and instead of glass, they were plastic, “After what happened, I superglued suction cups to the bottoms of the bases so they can’t fall, and I replaced the glass with plastic so if one falls, it won’t shatter and make such a loud sound!” Day bounced a little with a wide smile on her face. Kim felt his eyes burn.  

“You, did you do that for me?” Kim stood in shock. He didn’t deserve this. Why was she being so nice? He was awful. Maybe she’d felt manipulated-

“Yep! I was worried about you and wanted to do something to help. I don’t want you to feel scared here.” Day said, still smiling but carefully watching Kim’s reaction. Chay let his hand move around Kim’s back to hug him lightly around his waist. 

“That’s, that was very thoughtful of you. Thank you, Day.” Kim watched as water overtook his vision, Fern handing him a napkin so he could quickly dry his tears. Pathetic. She pities you. 

“You’re very welcome. If I can think of anything else to make this a happier place for you, I’ll do it.” Day said, choosing not to say anything about the man’s tears.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that. I don’t want you to feel like you have-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence. I don’t feel like I have to do this. I want to do this. It not only brings me joy to do this, I get to help you and that means a lot to me.” Day said in a gentle but stern voice, one finger pointed at Kim. Kim stared at the floor and nodded, unsure of how to accept that people wanted to help him and wanted to be kind to him.

“Why don’t you two go get comfortable while I get your items together. I got two new chairs and a nice little table for the nook if you want to check them out.” Fern winked at Chay before walking away. She knew that Kim liked corners and being able to tuck himself into them so she had emptied out the small alcove that was on one side of the shop. It had originally had book shelves on all three walls and a few plants in it. 

Now the nook held two plush chairs with a small table between them. A small lamp lit the space with gentle light. A couple of floating shelves with books and fairy lights decorated the wall above the chairs and a few other decorations filled the other empty spaces on the wall. Kim immediately stuffed himself into the chair in the corner, tucking his legs up after kicking his shoes off. He then opened his novel and began reading, not hesitating to let himself get lost in the world on the pages. 

Chay couldn’t help the endeared smile that crossed his lips as he watched his boyfriend settle in. Kim hadn’t hesitated to get comfortable and that told Chay all he needed to know. This felt safe for Kim.

As Chay quietly worked on his laptop, Fern walked over with a tray and set it on the table between the two chairs. She left only to come back with a blanket.

“Kim,” Kim looked up with big eyes, his guard lowered a bit, “I kept this in the back for you. I don’t let anyone else use it. Would you like to use it? I’ll keep it in the back and you can use it any time you come here.” Kim’s eyes widened at the offer. No one had ever offered him something like this before. To have his own comfort item gifted to him was a new experience. 

“I would like that very much.” He said shyly, slowly reaching out to take the blanket from Fern. He tucked it over where he had his legs crossed in his chair. Chay kept his mouth closed, not wanting to startle or embarrass his boyfriend. 

Fern nodded and then left the nook, going back to her baking. Kim petted the blanket, loving how the texture was so soft, it didn’t make his skin feel squiggly, and didn’t leave him recoiling and trying to shake the texture off of his hand. Chay texted Fern to ask for a link to the blanket and she immediately sent it with about five-thousand emojis to communicate her excitement and cute aggression about Kim accepting her gift. 

Kim was none the wiser to how Fern squealed in the chat with Chay, quietly reading his book and petting his blanket, his shoulders less tense and his jaw unclenched. He was finally relaxing somewhere outside of his and Chay’s apartments. 

Chapter Text

“Phi, I’m done with my work.” Chay said in a soft voice, making sure to make no sudden movements or loud noises. Kim’s hand paused where it had been petting his blanket for hours and he looked up from the book he was now most of the way through. 

“Did you do your best on everything? I’m okay to stay here if you need more time to look over everything.” Kim offered, wanting Chay to keep his schooling a high priority. 

“I made sure to look over everything I did. I’m satisfied with it all,” Chay watched as Kim grabbed his bookmark and closed his book, looking at his blanket with a bit of sadness in his eyes, “We’ll be back, and you can cuddle the blanket more then, okay? I promise.” Chay reached over the table and tucked Kim’s hair behind his ear so he could see his face better.

“Can we go to my apartment tonight?” Kim asked quietly, petting the blanket again to soothe himself. You can ask for things, Chay is safe. 

“Of course we can. I’ll just need to stop by the compound to grab an overnight bag.” Chay received a silent nod from Kim before the older man uncrossed his legs and stood. He stretched his arms over his head with a small squeak, his shirt lifting up to expose his midsection. Chay had to force himself to stop staring or risk drooling on himself. 

“I’m ready to go if you are. Just needed a couple minutes to transition.” Kim turned to help Chay pack up his books and supplies. He then turned to his blanket on the chair, lifting a thumb to his mouth to chew on. 

“Remember what Fern said. It will always be in the back room for you and only you will be allowed to use it. It’s only yours and no other customers get to touch it.” Chay rubbed his hand side to side over Kim’s upper back, letting him think at his own pace. 

Kim took a few deep breaths before allowing himself to fold up his blanket. He waited for Chay to put his backpack on so he could follow him to the front counter to offer emotional support.

“Um, thank you, Fern. I really like it. I think it’s one of the best presents I’ve ever received.” Kim held the blanket out to the woman, his hands shaking a bit with anxiety as he did his best to express his gratitude. He was never very good with words unless he was singing. 

“I’m glad you like it. I’ll keep it safe in a cupboard in the back. That way it’s away from all the flour.” Fern took the blanket from Kim and smiled, trying to hold in all of her joy so she didn’t scare him. 

“Um, also, have a good night. And please tell Day thank you again, for the blenders.” Kim ducked his head a bit, his ears turning red.

“I can do that. I hope to see you both again soon!” Fern waved as the two men turned from the counter, Wen and Prong standing from their booth to follow them.

The two guards said nothing to Kim or Chay as they walked out, carefully remaining as only shadows to the two men. Once everyone was in their cars, Prong turned to Wen.

“He’s relaxing. You saw that, right?” Prong had tears in his eyes. 

“I did. I didn’t want to say anything and jinx it or make him feel like he had to stop.” Wen replied with a small smile on his lips. 

“Chay is good for him.” Prong said, quickly wiping his tears away. 

“He really is.” Wen said while pulling a napkin from the glove compartment to hand to his friend. 

_____

“Okay, bag secured, door locked. We’re good to go.” Chay double checked that the door handle wouldn’t turn before spinning around and holding out his hand for Kim to take. Shyly, Kim held his hand.

“Want us to come with or are you two comfortable being on your own?” Prong asked from where he leaned against the wall in the hallway. 

“We’ll be okay. I’m trained and Kim is a badass so I’m confident we’ll be safe.” Chay smiled and then said good night before walking off with his boyfriend. 

Chay opened Kim’s door to let him into the car and softly closed it after him. He deposited his bag in the back seat and then climbed into the driver’s side. 

“Okay, off to your place. Want to have a movie night?” Chay turned around and put his hand on the back of Kim’s seat as he backed the car out of the spot it was parked in. 

“I think that would be nice. I have a T.V. in my bedroom so we can be warm in the blankets.” Kim didn’t miss how his belly tightened a bit with Chay’s bicep right next to his face. 

“Sounds good. Any food you want to order?” Chay turned back and put the car in drive, pulling away from the compound. Kim felt himself relax the further away they drove. 

“Can we order chicken?” Kim looked over at Chay and when Chay glanced over, he knew he was screwed. Kim looked so cute with his boba eyes. 

“Absolutely. Any particular place you want to order from?”

“I have their number saved on my phone.” Kim smiled and wiggled a little as his excitement about chicken tried to bubble over. He dialed the number to place their order.

_____

Kim pulled his key from his pocket and unlocked his door, letting himself and Chay into his apartment. They left their shoes on the shoe rack and walked inside.

“I know I’ve been in here before but jeez, I didn’t realize how fancy it is.” Chay looked around and really soaked in the apartment. How high-end and chic it was. It had a generally dark tone while still looking cozy. It looked like it was straight out of a magazine. 

“Oh, um, I’m sorry if it’s bad.” Kim rubbed the back of his neck, his skin prickled with anxiety. He worried that Chay thought he was showing off or was trying to compete with his more modest apartment. 

“It’s not bad at all. It suits you. Fancy and pretty,” Chay turned to Kim and smiled, watching how his boyfriend blushed, “Now, where can I put this?” Chay held up his bag. 

“Oh, here, follow me,” Kim walked to his bedroom and at the end of the bed was a bench, “You can set it there. I got that bench specifically for this. I don’t like things being on the floor.” Kim pointed to the bench and Chay walked over to set his bag down. 

“Noted, keep things off of the floor.” Chay then did a slow turn, looking around Kim’s room. It wasn’t very personal, a bit like a hotel room. There wasn’t anything that really showed that Kim lived there.

“Is it okay?” Kim picked at his fingers with his head lowered. 

“I think it’s great. Can I ask why you don’t have a more personal flair, though?” Chay carefully posed the question, leaving Kim an out to not answer if he didn’t want to. 

“Well, I used to have to move a lot. Pa would find where I lived and would send people. A few times he tried to send, um, clients, to my door. I found it was much easier to just leave everything behind and move to a new place if I didn’t have anything to pack, so I just never bought anything I couldn’t easily leave behind in an emergency.” Kim tucked his arms over his chest and squeezed himself. 

“Ah, that makes sense. Now that your Pa is gone, would you ever want to have personal items?” Chay didn’t reach out for Kim, letting the other man decide if he wanted contact. 

“I haven’t really thought about it. I’ve been busy adjusting to allowing myself to have you. There wasn’t a lot of thinking space for anything else that I could want.” Kim admitted quietly.

“That’s okay. You can think about it when you’re ready. How about we change into pajamas and get ready to watch a movie, hmm?” Chay changed the subject, sensing that Kim didn’t want to talk about it anymore. The doorbell then rang loudly and Kim nearly jumped out of his skin. 

Chay walked over and pulled his boyfriend into a tight hug. The doorbell rang again but he didn’t care. He held onto Kim until his muscles relaxed. 

“Can you go get the food, please? I’ll get into my pajamas.” Kim asked from where he pressed his face against Chay’s neck. 

“Of course, I’ll be back in just a bit.” Chay kissed Kim’s head and then let him go so he could walk to the front door. Chay smiled when the delivery person held out the two bags for him to take. He then handed the woman one-thousand baht that she tried to refuse but he insisted she keep it with a charming smile. Once she took it, he wished her a good night and closed the door, securing all three chains that were on it.

“Hey, I put all the chains on in case you wanted them-” Chay almost dropped the bags. Kim was standing shyly at the end of the bed. 

Kim wore a white silk button down shirt with only the two middle buttons done, leaving the rest of the buttons open. He also wore black shorts that sat just above the middle of his thighs. 

“Is this okay? I can change if you want. I’m trying to do what you’ve been pushing me to do, to find my confidence again.” Kim said, his voice small. Chay set the bags down on the bench next to his duffel and walked over to Kim, his hands reaching out but not touching.  

“You look amazing. This will be comfortable for you to sleep in though? You don’t have to wear this if you won’t be comfy.” Chay tried to keep his hands to himself, but Kim took his hands and set them on his waist with a small breath.  

“I’m sure. I picked something I was sure I could sleep in.” Kim looked at Chay, noticing his red cheeks and ears. A feeling swirled in Kim’s chest, almost like he was feeling smug. 

“Then please don’t change, you look beautiful,” Chay said leaning in before he caught himself and cleared his throat, “Right, food and a movie.” Chay took a step back and let his hands drop from Kim’s body. The older man felt a bit proud that he had gotten Chay to lose a bit of his very carefully held control. 

They climbed into Kim’s bed and stacked the pillows so they could sit up to see the movie better while they ate. Once the first movie ended, Kim put on a second one, one his Pa had had him watch that was absolutely not intriguing to him, The Hunt For Red October. 

While Chay was still focused on the T.V., Kim cuddled up to his side. He let himself relax and set his hand on Chay’s chest to feel him breathe. When he felt completely at ease, he linked their ankles to initiate a bit more contact. Chay lifted his arm so Kim could tuck himself under it to put his ear over his heart. Ba dum. Ba dum. Ba dum. 

Kim could fall asleep listening to the steady beat, but he had a goal to accomplish. He allowed himself to hook his knee over Chay’s leg, letting himself get used to how much touching this was. Kim then slowly turned his body until his thigh was over Chay’s and most of his leg was between Chay’s own. Kim moved just a bit more and he felt his thigh nudge something before Chay used his hand to shield Kim’s leg from touching anything he didn’t mean to. 

“Hey, you might want to move your leg down a bit.” Chay murmured, trying to protect Kim from startling himself.

“What if I don’t want to?” Kim asked. Chay looked down at him and studied his face with careful eyes. 

“You’re sure? I don’t want you to force or scare yourself.” Chay kept his hand between his crotch and Kim’s bare thigh, giving him another chance to move away. 

“I’m sure. I want to try. I think I figured out a way to do something without scaring myself. I just need you to stay laying down and don’t move your hands unless I ask.” Kim forced himself to keep eye contact, to show he was serious and that he was being honest.

“Okay, I can do that. One last check, you’re absolutely sure?” Chay still didn’t move his hand, waiting for Kim’s okay.

“I’m positive.” Kim reached down and took hold of Chay’s wrist, gently moving his hand away so his thigh could meet its target. Kim set Chay’s hand down over the blanket they were cuddled up under. 

Carefully, Kim pressed himself against Chay’s thigh while tucking his own up a little higher. Chay lightly gripped the blanket and his breath caught in his throat a bit. Kim leaned up and held Chay’s jaw with a gentle grip, pulling him in for a kiss. 

It was all slow. They kissed deeply but took their time. Kim got the courage to take Chay’s hand from the blanket and set it on his thigh. Chay kept his hand still, just resting it on the bare skin while he and Kim continued to kiss. The kisses were open-mouthed and full of tongue, their breaths mixing together. Kim pulled away for a moment to speak.

“You can move your hand, just don’t touch my ass.” 

“Got it.” Chay sighed, going back in for more kisses. He carefully squeezed Kim’s thigh, loving how he could fill his hand with the soft flesh. He moved his hand up a bit while keeping it closer to the front of Kim’s leg. He felt his thumb touch Kim’s center and moved back down a bit, not sure if Kim was ready for that.

Slowly, Kim let himself press his center against Chay’s thigh, building a very slow rhythm. He pressed a few times, trying to bury any shame he felt. He wanted this and all the voices in his head could just shut up. 

Chay thought he was holding still, but his pelvis moved in very small thrusts against Kim’s thigh, searching for friction. Kim pressed his leg tighter against Chay’s center and the younger man pulled back from their kissing with a gasp. 

“Good or bad?” Kim asked, trying to learn his partner.

“Good.” Chay sighed as he pulled Kim’s thigh even tighter against himself, in the process pulling Kim tighter to his own leg. Kim chewed his lip as a small zing lit up through his pelvis at the added pressure. 

“Do that again. Pull me again,” Kim said, Chay not hesitating to follow the instruction, Kim felt the small zing again, “I like that. It’s like a small jolt of electricity.” Kim said, sitting up on his elbow, pulling the blanket back to look down. He could clearly see that Chay was hard in his pajama pants, but his own bulge looked less interested. When Chay noticed Kim’s small frown he spoke.

“What’s wrong? Talk to me, sweetheart.” Chay moved his hand from Kim’s back up to his neck to scratch gently at his hair. 

“Mine doesn’t look as hard as yours, is that normal?” Kim asked, still looking down.

“Normal is different for everyone. I’m really turned on right now so my body is reacting how it usually does. Do you usually take a little longer to get fully hard?” Chay asked. 

“I don’t know, I’ve never done this before. I’ve only ever used my hand.” Kim gave an experimental thrust against Chay’s leg and felt that zing again. It felt different than when he used his hand, still the same general feeling but not quite the same. 

“Okay, so we figure it out together at whatever-” Chay cut himself off with a gasp, his head tilting back as Kim pressed himself into his leg again, the movement pushing Kim’s thigh into Chay’s crotch. 

“Am I hurting you?” Kim paused his movement, brows scrunching with worry. 

“The opposite, it’s good. You’re doing good.” Chay squeezed Kim’s thigh again with a pleased smile. 

Kim rolled his hips more firmly against Chay’s leg, the added pressure made him puff a breath out of his nose. The zing was bigger that time. Chay leaned up to suck on his neck, pausing to give Kim a chance to pull away before attaching his lips to his boyfriend’s skin. 

Kim focused on letting his mind go blank as he continued to roll his hips. As he kept moving, Chay let himself move too. They rolled their hips against each other’s legs, the sounds of soft gasps and sighs filled the room.

“Do you have tissues? So we don’t make our pants dirty?” Chay asked through gritted teeth. Kim took a moment to lean back and grab the box of tissues from his bedside table, setting it on the mattress behind him. 

The two went back to kissing, Chay squeezing Kim’s thigh as he pulled it against himself in a now regular rhythm. Kim could still feel those pleasurable sensations but he was starting to think he wouldn’t be able to get off like this.

Cha was starting to breathe harder and Kim grabbed a few tissues to hand to him. Chay pressed his forehead to his boyfriend’s and put his hand in his pants with the tissues right as he let out a few small sounds. Kim felt small jolts run through Chay’s body before the younger man began to try to catch his breath. 

“What about,” Chay paused as a shiver ran through his body, “what about you?” He rubbed Kim’s thigh, letting him think. 

“I don’t think I can finish this way.” Kim admitted quietly, a bit shy about it.

“That’s okay. Is there anything you want to try that will help you finish?” Chay avoided the word ‘cum’, not wanting to say it if Kim wasn’t.

“I’ve only ever used my hand.” Kim said, not sure what Chay could mean other than penetration. 

“Do you want to do that? Or you could ride my thigh?” Chay offered, feeling that Kim was still hard against his leg.

“I, what does riding your thigh mean?” Kim fought past the embarrassment, he wanted this with Chay and he wouldn’t let some silly emotion get in the way. 

“Well, I would sit up and stretch my leg out, you would straddle my thigh and I could show you how to move if you’re okay with that.” Chay brushed Kim’s hair back.

“I want to try.” Kim smiled softly when Chay kissed his forehead and said ‘ okay’. Together they untangled themselves and Chay sat up, he then helped Kim to climb onto his leg and then settled his hands on the older man’s hips. Kim held onto Chay’s shoulders.

“Is this okay?” Chay saw that Kim wasn’t as hard as he had been and began to worry.

“Yeah, I like it so far. Teach me?” Kim looked at Chay and a small gasp escaped him when Chay used his hands to tilt his boyfriend’s pelvis and pull him forward. 

“Tilt yourself down when you move forward, then when you move back,” Chay tilted Kim’s hips the other way and moved him back, “Tilt your ass down for pressure.” Chay moved Kim a few more times and helped him learn how to tilt and press himself into his thigh. Kim’s head fell forward as he felt more pleasure this way.

“I like this more.” Kim sighed. He felt that electric feeling as he dragged his cock and balls over Chay’s thigh, but when he moved back and pressed his taint down he felt something else. He didn't know that part of him could feel pleasure but he liked it. Then Chay bent his leg a little and pushed Kim back a little more, letting his hole press against the solidness of his knee.

Kim’s hands tightened their grip on his boyfriend’s shoulders and his mouth opened just a small bit as he breathed a bit heavier. This was much better. He clenched his jaw at a particularly well done slide backward, a small hiss leaving his lips as his eyes squinted.

“That’s it, just like that. Stay relaxed for me, sweetheart. Doing so well.” Chay talked to Kim, using his voice to make sure that he stayed grounded and that he knew who he was with. 

Kim leaned forward to rest his forehead against Chay’s shoulder.

“Why does it, mm, feel so different?” Kim’s voice shook a little as he continued to move.

“Different bodies like different things, it’s all normal. Keep going, Kim. You’re doing so good.” Chay kept his hands on Kim’s hips in case he needed help, but he was now letting him do this on his own. 

Kim learned that he liked more pressure on the back slide, pressing himself more firmly against Chay’s leg. When his hole would press against Chay’s knee, he swore it felt better than his balls pressing against his boyfriend’s thigh. 

It took longer than they both thought it would, but Kim eventually started to tremble as he neared his climax.

“Keep going, you’re almost there. Relax and let it happen. I’m right here and I’ve got you. Chay has you.” Kim quickly grabbed a few tissues as Chay spoke, his movements getting a little faster. He dipped his hand inside his pants and held the tissues over his tip, the touch felt amazing and made Kim shiver lightly.

The dam inside him broke with only a few more slides back and forth. Kim hadn’t expected it and a small cry left his lips. Chay moved his body for him to help him through his orgasm, Kim unable to move himself as his body shook. He bit down on Chay’s neck with a whimper while his cock released into the tissues and he could finally gasp for air as his muscles unlocked.

Chay rubbed Kim’s upper back with both hands, careful to avoid the lower half. Kim floated for a couple of minutes while he caught his breath. 

“We really just did that.” Kim said, a bit of shock in his voice. 

“We did, you okay?” Chay continued to hold Kim and rub his back.

“Yeah. I don’t feel afraid at all.” Kim kissed Chay’s neck. 

“I’m so proud of you. You’re so brave.” Chay turned his head to kiss Kim’s neck back, hoping that he conveyed his adoration with each kiss. 

“Thank you. I don’t think I could have done that if it wasn’t you. I trust you so much.” Kim hugged Chay tighter, a few tears falling from his eyes to be absorbed by Chay's shirt. 

“I’m so glad you trust me like this. It means the world to me.” Chay leaned back and gently pushed Kim to sit up so he could pull him into a passionate kiss. 

Chapter Text

“Hey.” Prong greeted as Wen walked around the corner.

“Hi, why did you text me ‘Emergency’ if you’re just standing here? You know better than to abuse that.” Wen leaned against the hallway wall with his arms crossed and a slight frown on his face. 

“Cuz this is really important and I have to do it before I chicken out, plus we have a free night since Kim is with Chay.” Prong tucked his hands into his pants to hide their shaking and rocked backwards and forwards on his feet to try to dispel some of his anxiety. 

“Well, spit it out if it’s that important.” Wen waved his hand at his friend, urging him to speak and stop wasting his time. 

“IlikeyouandIwanttoaskyououtonadate.” Prong said quickly, Wen just stared at him.

“What?” Wen stared at Prong’s lips and roughly rubbed his right ear that was mostly deaf, trying to figure out what had just been said to him. Prong took a deep breath and forced himself to slow down. 

“I really like you, Wen. I want to ask you out on a date.” Prong was sweating. His hands gripped his thighs through his pockets. He was starting to feel like he couldn’t breathe as Wen stared at him. Then his friend smirked . 

“Okay, so ask.” Wen straightened his posture, obviously waiting for Prong to reply. Prong’s eyes almost fell out of his head before he gathered his composure. 

“Okay. Wen? Would you please go out to dinner with me? As more than friends?” Prong spoke carefully, not wanting Wen to miss a single word. 

“Yes, I’ll go to dinner with you. Rule still stands though. You invited so you’re paying.” Wen smiled. Prong sagged against the wall.

“Oh thank God. I was so scared I was gonna ruin our friendship.” Prong said to the floor in a soft voice as he dragged his hand over his face. Wen grabbed him by the chin and made him look at him. 

“I didn’t hear you or see what you said, say it again.” Wen focused his eyes on Prong’s mouth as he unknowingly caused pansexual panic in the other man. 

“Oh, um, I,” Prong cleared his throat, “I said ‘Thank God, I was scared I was gonna ruin our friendship’” Prong watched as Wen read his lips and how he smiled gently before pulling Prong into a soft hug. 

“Even if I had said no, we still could have been friends.” Wen said, swaying Prong side to side to try to ease his anxiety. 

_____

They went to dinner at their usual spot. A small diner where the aunty knew them by their first names.

“Wen! Prong! Want your usuals?” She asked from the order window as the door closed behind the two men.

“Yes, please!” Prong answered while Wen waved. They found a table in a quiet corner and waited for their food. 

“Not going to sit at your usual window table today, boys?” Aunty set their food down and looked them over, her eyes seeming to see into their souls. 

“Ah, no, not tonight. We wanted a quieter spot.” Prong smiled and Wen waved again with a dazzling smile. Aunty squinted her eyes. 

“Hmmm, well if you ever have something to tell me, you can. I’ll be back in a second with your drinks.” She said, facing Wen more directly this time so he could see her lips.

“Thank you, Aunty.” Wen said, his smile still large. 

“Yeah yeah, you’re adorable and I’ll bring you a little extra chicken.” Aunty pretended to be annoyed but both men knew she loved them. 

As they ate, they talked. It didn’t feel any different from their usual nights eating together. It was still comfortable and easy. As they stacked their plates and cups to bring to the back of the shop for the owner, she came out with her hand behind her back. 

“Wen, sweetie, will you walk the dishes back? I have to talk to Prong for a moment.” She patted Wen’s cheek as he smiled and nodded, leaving the table with the dishes. 

“I’m not stupid,” She smacked Prong’s arm and he laughed as he ducked, “Give this to your boy. I was saving it to hand down to my kids but you know how that went. I want someone I love to have it.” Aunty took her hand out from behind her back and presented a stunning hair clip. It was a handmade, pink, glass orchid. Prong held out his hand with wide eyes as Aunty placed the clip in his palm. 

“I, I don’t know what to say.” Prong stared at the delicate item.

“You say thank you. I know how much that boy loves flowers, I figured this would be perfect for him. I wore it on my wedding day, you know.” Aunty grinned as she remembered one of the best days of her life.

“How am I supposed to just accept this? It’s such a treasure. You’re sure you don’t want to keep it?” Prong looked up with watery eyes and Aunty patted his cheek softly. 

“I’m very sure. Now go help with those dishes while I finish closing up the front.” Aunty smiled and her eyes glittered, love pouring out of her gaze. Prong stood and hugged her with a whispered ‘ thank you’ before he carefully placed the clip in a safe pocket inside his jacket and walked back to help Wen with the dishes. 

_____

Together, the two men walked to their spot at the park and laid back in the grass to watch the stars. Prong couldn’t keep his secret anymore so he tapped Wen’s shoulder to get his attention. 

“I want to give you something,” Prong reached into his jacket and carefully pulled the orchid from his coat, “Aunty wanted to pass this down to one of her children, but, well, she decided that she wants me to give it to you. She wore it on her wedding day.” Prong opened his hand and Wen pressed a hand over his mouth in shock. 

“She wants me to have this? It’s beautiful.” Wen reached out to carefully touch one of the glass petals with the tip of his fingers. Prong lifted Wen’s face so he could see him speak again. 

“I want to give it to you as a charm,” Prong reached up and moved a bit of Wen’s hair up and to the side, “A charm that holds love and care. So when you ever feel you need a little extra love,” He slid the pin into Wen’s hair, “Put this in your hair or hold it close for a moment and know that I love and care for you.” Prong looked back at Wen’s eyes after he was sure that the pin was carefully secured, seeing tears and a wobbly smile on the other man’s face. 

Wen launched himself to hug Prong tightly, both of them landing on the grass underneath them. Prong hugged Wen just as tightly as they let their emotions be felt. 

“I love you. I’ve loved you for years. I was just afraid to tell you. Not many people supported me when they found out I’m gay. But here you are, not just supporting me, but loving me, too. Thank you.” Wen pulled back after his little speech and laughed softly as he saw that Prong was in no better shape than he was. 

“Can I kiss you?” Prong asked, unable to contain the question.

“Yes.” Wen said as he reached up to hold one of Prong’s cheeks, leaning his own into Prong’s palm when he reached up. 

It was a soft kiss with closed lips. Their tears of joy and relief mixed together on their cheeks as the stars seemed to shine just a little brighter in the night sky.

Chapter Text

When Kim woke up in the morning, a pillow was tucked into his arms with Chay’s sleep shirt pulled over it. He shoved his nose into it and took a deep breath, smiling as he did so. When he lifted his face and stretched, he caught the smell of bacon and coffee. He got up with a sleepy pout and walked out of the bedroom, seeing Chay at the stove. 

He silently walked over and pressed his forehead between Chay’s shoulder blades as he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. 

“Well hello there, sleepy head. Finally rising from the dead?” Chay laughed, not jumping despite Kim sneaking up on him.

“Mmmph, no talking.” Kim grumbled, still grumpy and groggy. Chay huffed a laugh and went back to cooking. He had made eggs, toast, bacon, coffee, and peeled a couple of oranges. He was just finishing up the bacon now. 

“Phi, time to sit down and eat.” Chay patted the hands that were clasped over his stomach. Kim growled at him, a low sound in his chest, before letting go and flopping down into a chair. 

Chay brought everything over to the table and Kim stared. He hadn’t really ever had breakfast in this apartment before. Sure, he’d ordered things in like coffee or pastry, but nothing like this. 

Chay filled Kim’s plate for him while he was lost in thought, setting it down before kissing the top of his head and petting his hair. 

“Eat for me, Kim.” Chay whispered into his hair before moving to take the chair next to his boyfriend. 

Kim took a piece of bacon and brought it to his mouth, nibbling on it as his mind floated. Chay watched but didn’t interrupt him, letting him process.

“I’ve never eaten a real breakfast here before.” Kim finally said, now scooping some eggs onto his fork while his eyes lost their distant look. 

“Well, now you have. Consider the table christened,” Chay said, enjoying how Kim blushed, “You thinking of something naughty, Phi?” He teased, waggling his eyebrows at his boyfriend. 

“You said it. Don’t blame me for thinking about it.” Kim had to resist the urge to fling a forkful of eggs at Chay. He wasn’t about to waste this breakfast. 

“Okay, fair enough. How’s the food? I know it’s simple, but I wanted to make something for you. I hope it’s not-”

“Chay. It’s simple but it’s exactly what I wanted and needed. Thank you.” Kim looked up and his eyes were intense but caring. It was now Chay’s turn to blush. 

“Okay.” Was all Chay could say, stuffing buttered toast into his mouth to avoid more words from falling out of his mouth. 

They continued to eat and chatted lightly. Both finding that the other had no plans for the day. 

“Would, um. Would you like to stay in with me today? Here?” Kim asked, trying to not let his nerves show.

“I would love that, honestly. Just a cozy day with you.” Chay smiled gently while reaching over to hold Kim’s hand. Kim nodded with his own small smile, his head tilted forward so his hair could hide his shyness. Chay leaned to kiss his temple before standing and starting to clear the dishes.

“Oh, let me help.” Kim got up and together they cleared the table and brought it all to the sink. Kim softly sang as the washed everything and set it aside to dry. Chay felt like he was hearing a rare bird finally sing in the woods again. Kim hadn’t been singing the entire time they had been talking again. When Kim turned and saw that Chay was crying, he panicked.

“What? Why are you crying?! What’s wrong?” He quickly patted his hands dry and reached up to hold Chay’s face, wiping his tears away with gentle fingers. 

“You’re singing again. You haven’t sung in so long. These are happy tears.” Chay leaned into Kim’s right hand and let his eyes fall closed, another tear falling to roll down his cheek. 

“I, that can’t be true. I love music.” 

“It’s true, phi. Since the day we started talking again, you haven’t sung a single note.” Chay opened his eyes and this time there was a bit of sadness in them.

“I, I guess I never noticed.” Kim kept holding Chay’s face, finding that he could hold eye contact without feeling afraid or nervous.

“I’m going to kiss you, tell me if you don’t want me to.” Chay let his hands carefully move to hold Kim’s waist. 

Kim tilted his head a little and looked at Chay’s lips, leaning forward slowly. Chay leaned in as well, pressing their lips together. They started slow, soft, gentle. Chay led them into more, tongues pushing into each other’s mouths, teeth pulling at Kim’s bottom lip, his hands massaging Kim’s waist. The kisses tasted like coffee but neither man minded. 

Chay then gripped Kim’s waist, whispering ‘ going to lift you’, before picking Kim up and setting him on the kitchen counter. Kim easily opened his thighs to let Chay stand between them. The kisses continued and Kim started to feel a bit warm as he let himself be lost to the feeling of making out with his boyfriend. 

Chay then ducked down to mouth at Kim’s throat, finding a spot that made Kim’s breath hitch. He sucked and bit at the spot, leaving a mark on the skin. Kim combed his fingers through Chay’s hair, letting a pleased sigh fall from his lips. 

Chay’s hands slid up his thighs and then the thumb of one carefully ran over his half-hard length. Kim’s breath stuttered and Chay pulled back slightly from his neck. 

“Is this okay?”

“So far.” Kim replied, trying to keep his body and mind relaxed. 

“You can tell me to stop at any time and I will.” Chay said before he went back to kissing different places on Kim’s neck. He kept his thumb moving gently over Kim’s center, not using any other fingers to touch him. 

Kim felt his mind trying to fight. It tried to climb up through the haze that had covered it so it could protest and scream. Kim focused on Chay’s lips on his skin instead, how the warmth felt and how he kept finding spots that sent a small zing through him.

Chay kept his movements slow and soft, not wanting to do too much at one time and end up scaring his boyfriend. Kim grabbed him by his cheeks and pulled him back up for more kisses, using Chay’s tongue as a distraction. 

“Take me to the couch, please.” Kim asked, not wanting to be in the kitchen anymore. 

“Do you want to be in my lap or under me when I set you down?” Chay breathed heavily as he rubbed Kim’s thighs.

“I think in your lap will be better.”

“Okay. Wrap your legs around my waist and hold on.” Chay guided Kim’s arms around his neck while legs curled around his body. Chay stood up and in a show of strength, easily lifted Kim from the kitchen counter. The older man could feel his skin heating up with a blush so busied himself with kissing and biting at Chay’s neck.

When they got to the couch, Chay helped Kim organize his legs so he was straddling him while kneeling. 

“Still okay?” Chay checked in quickly.

“Yeah, I promise to tell you if I need to stop.” Kim didn’t let Chay respond, leaning back in to connect their lips. Both sighed through their noses and while Kim’s arms stayed wrapped around the back of Chay’s neck, Chay held the other man’s hips.

Both men were hard and could feel each other through their sleep clothes. Carefully, Chay pulled Kim forward, pressing their lengths together. Kim sucked in a breath through his nose and pulled back from the kiss. 

“Wait.”

Chay paused everything, waiting to hear what Kim needed. 

Carefully, Kim pressed himself forward, taking back some control. He bared his teeth a bit when he pressed against Chay, the younger man’s eyes squinting a bit at the sensation and urge to roll his own hips.

“Tell me what you need.” Chay kept his hands still on Kim’s hips, letting him move at his own pace.

“Just, let me try this.” Kim placed both hands flat on Chay’s chest and pressed him into the couch, holding Chay down allowed him to breathe a bit easier.

Kim rolled his hips again, letting them press against each other again. He let himself close his eyes and focused on the sensations and the warmth from Chay’s body seeping into his skin. Chay stayed obediently still, not wanting to harm his boyfriend in any way.

Kim kept a slow pace, not wanting to send himself into a panic. As he pressed himself down again, Chay hissed a breath in through his teeth and let his head fall back against the couch. Kim lifted his gaze to stare at Chay’s throat. What if…

Kim reached up with a hand and settled it on Chay’s throat, not squeezing, just holding. Chay opened his eyes but his eyelids were heavy with arousal. He and Kim stared at each other, feeling out their thoughts about this. 

Chay hummed low in his chest, Kim gasping as he felt the vibrations in his throat. The younger man smirked and kept his head relaxed on the back of the couch, letting Kim explore. 

Kim rolled his hips again, feeling more confident and less panicked with his hand on Chay’s throat. A shaky sigh left his partner and he swallowed, his Adam's apple moving under Kim’s hand.

Kim then used his spare hand to bring one of Chay’s slowly back and down a little bit, holding it on his ass. There was an initial jolt of panic, but he pushed through it while taking deep breaths. He let himself hold Chay’s throat more firmly and he felt the anxiety dip to a manageable level. Kim then pressed down on Chay’s hand to feel the pressure a bit more on his ass, able to leave it there for almost fifteen seconds before sliding Chay’s hand back to his hip. 

“You’re amazing.” Chay said in a very breathy voice, like he couldn’t manage to speak any louder.

“Thanks.” Kim said, leaning down to push his tongue into Chay’s mouth. The kisses were slower, both men seeming to be on the same age that they were going to calm down now, acknowledging that the goal hadn’t been a climax, but instead progress. Chay pulled back from their kissing with a smile. 

“So what do you want to do today since we’re going to stay here?” He gently held Kim’s hips and rubbed his thumbs over Kim’s pelvic bones. 

“I was hoping we could watch more movies.” Kim said, his hands on either side of Chay’s neck, rubbing his thumbs over the skin they could reach.

“Hmm, oh I know one you might love. It’s called Brother Bear, plus you won’t have to get mad at me because there’s more than one movie in the series.” Chay smiled and Kim pinched his neck skin, causing him to yelp. 

“Don’t make fun of me!” 

“Hey! We agreed that I wouldn’t make jokes while you are doing anything brave. This is not one of those times.” Chay poked Kim in his sides, causing him to try to squirm away. 

“Hey! Tickle me and I won’t be responsible for your injuries.” Kim’s voice dipped in warning, his eyes getting a sharp look to them. Chay immediately raised his hands in surrender. 

“No tickling. Understood.”

“Good,” Kim pecked a kiss on Chay’s lips, “Now show me these Brother Bear movies.” Kim moved to sit next to Chay, pulling the two blankets from the back of the couch to tuck them in.

Chapter Text

While watching their second movie, Chay got up the courage to bring up what he had been thinking about. 

“Phi, did you have any nightmares last night?” Chay felt Kim stiffen a bit under his arm and he put the popcorn he had picked up back into the bowl. Kim sat for a moment and thought. He hadn’t woken up during that night and he didn’t remember waking up in the morning panicked or covered in stress sweat.

“I, I don’t think I did. Did something happen?” Kim was immediately on edge. What if I hurt him? Did I attack him again? What if I-

“Kim, it’s okay. I was asking because you slept through the night. You didn’t sleep talk either.” Chay ran his fingers through Kim’s hair to help him relax. 

“I don’t remember the last time I slept through the night.” Kim said quietly. He had begun having nightmares when he was ten years old. He had started having to call Vegas in the middle of the night for help with them a couple of years later. 

“Do you think having company while you slept helped?” 

“Maybe? Vegas used to keep me company though and I still screamed and fought.” 

“Hmm. Well I don’t care what it is. I just care that you slept.” Chay leaned over and kissed the top of Kim’s head before turning back to the movie.

_____

“Bored.” Kim stated as he flopped over dramatically into Chay’s lap. The younger man laughed and paused the fourth movie they were watching. 

“Okay, so what do you want to do?” Chay brushed Kim’s hair away from his eyes but Kim leaned up and bit his fingers. Chay pulled back with a yelp and a shocked face. 

“Don’t want cuddles. I’m bored and my energy is starting to drive me crazy.” Kim then turned his head to bite Chay’s thigh that was under his face, and he bit hard. 

“Ow you fucking gremlin!” Chay reached down and grabbed Kim by the back of the neck and pulled him away from his leg, Kim growling like an angry cat. 

“I want to do something! Let’s go somewhere.” Suddenly Kim was up and pulling Chay from his comfortable spot on the couch. 

“Okay, okay, I’m coming. Jeez.” Chay was smiling as Kim continued to pull on his hand, dragging him to the bedroom. The older man then sat Chay on the end of the bed and disappeared into the closet. When he came back out he was holding clothes, clothes that he then threw on Chay’s lap. 

“You get dressed out here, I’ll get dressed in there.” Kim disappeared before Chay could say a single word, leaving his boyfriend in shock.

Once Kim was dressed he exited the closet, then frowned at Chay.

“You were supposed to be dressed by now.” Kim walked forward and began pulling at Chay’s shirt, getting it over his head. He then pulled the shirt from the pile of cloth he had handed the younger man and pulled it over Chay’s head. 

“Where are we even going?” Chay asked as he finally got up and changed his pants.

“Somewhere where I can get all this itchiness out before I pull my skin off.” Kim said, point emphasized as he scratched his arm with a grimace. 

“Okay. I’m ready. Take me to this magical place that you want to go to.”

It was a fifteen minute drive and then Kim pulled the car into a parking lot. 

“A gym? Kim, you have one of those at your apartment complex.”

“Shh, this one is special. You’ll see.” Kim unbuckled and climbed from the car, Chay following with a confused look.

When they walked in, Chay’s eyes went wide. 

Rock climbing. So many different walls for rock climbing. Beginner all the way to walls labeled as Pro+. Kim turned to Chay with a giddy grin. 

“I thought you wanted a cozy day in.” Chay deadpanned as he pulled his eyes away from all the different climbing spaces. 

“Yeah, well, I changed my mind. Now come on, we need harnesses.” Kim took Chay’s hand and they walked over to an area where there was a cutout in the wall with a counter top. 

“Hi, size medium for me. He’s never been here before.” Kim leaned on the counter and the person behind the counter turned around, grinning when they made eye contact with Kim. 

“Hey! Long time no see, Kim! One medium for you and then I’ll come out and measure your friend.” The person turned and grabbed a harness from a hook and then a measuring tape before lifting a section of the counter to walk out. 

“Uh, I don’t know what I’m doing.” Chay admitted, a shy smile on his face. 

“No worries! I just need you to stand like this,” The person opened their stance and Chay followed, “Perfect, now I do have to reach between your legs to measure your thighs, it’ll be weird but I promise I’ll be quick.” Once The person got the okay from Chay, they zipped around for measurements.

“So, what size is he?” Kim asked, a cheeky grin on his face. 

“The smaller side of a large, I’ll get that for you.” The person smiled and went back behind the counter, grabbing another harness and passing it to Chay who held it like it was going to bite him like his boyfriend. 

“I’ll get him into it and all that. Thanks DeeDee!” Kim gave a small wave and then grabbed Chay’s hand to pull him to the side.

“Okay, step into these loops, good. Okay and now I’ll show you how to fasten things. So this goes around your waist and clips like this. Then you pull here to tighten it,” Kim pulled hard and Chay couldn’t help but blush as he was manhandled, “Then these legs bits? You’ll basically be sitting in them, so you want them tight but not too tight. You want a couple fingers to fit between the straps and your legs.” Kim pulled each leg part tighter and then without warning, stuck his fingers in between the strap and Chay’s thigh. When Chay squeaked, Kim looked up with a smirk, knowing exactly what he had just done. 

“Okay, now what?” Chay asked, his cheeks a deep red. 

“Now, we grab our helmets and I’ll teach you how to climb!” Kim was positively giddy. He was excited to get back to this hobby but was extra excited to have someone he could share it with. 

With their head gear secured, Kim brought Chay over to the beginners' walls.

“Okay, so the plan is to start here and work your way up to harder stuff. For now it’s just about learning where to put your feet and hands.” Kim hooked Chay up to a cable and then hooked himself in. 

“Uhh, okay, so like this?” Chay placed his foot on one spot and then grabbed two above his head, lifting himself into the air. 

“Yes, exactly. Now try to find your next foothold.” Kim encouraged. Chay looked around and found a spot for his dangling foot, pushing off to place his weight on that leg, lifting himself a bit higher.

“Okay, so now I’m assuming I need to move my hands.”

“Yep, look for a solid spot.” Kim stayed on the ground, giving Chay space to work this out for himself. 

Slowly, Chay made it to the top, tapping the finish circle before starting to look around to see how he could get back down. 

“Just let go, your harness will catch you.” Kim said from where he stood on the mat below. 

“Uh, that feels mildly terrifying. I’m supposed to just drop?” Chay stayed where he was, not letting go. 

“I mean, you can climb back down but that takes time and dropping is easier.” Kim shrugged, leaving both options open for Chay. The younger man chose to climb back down, not yet ready to take that leap.

“Okay, next wall. Holds are smaller and a little further apart. Go.” Kim waved Chay over to the wall and this time Chay hooked himself up. He looked up and began to climb. He got to the top, tapped and then before he could overthink it, let himself sit in his harness and let go. When he landed, Kim was bouncing on the balls of his feet while he quietly clapped with a big smile.

“I knew you could do it. Okay, practice is over. I want you to climb with me. I’ll pick a wall we can do together.” Kim grabbed Chay’s hand and pulled, an excited smile still on his face. Chay couldn’t help how wide he grinned, gladly following Kim to another wall. 

It was much taller than the practice walls and the holds were definitely meant for people with practice. 

“You’re sure I can do this? It looks difficult.” Chay eyed the wall and tried to calculate where he would climb. 

“I’m positive you can do this one, plus, I’ll be next to you the whole time if you need help.” Kim patted Chay’s butt after clipping him in and then climbed up the wall a bit, Chay carefully following. 

It was a difficult climb. Chay’s fingers ached and he had kicked off his shoes and socks so he could use his toes for better grip. Kim climbed next to him just like he said he would but held back his guidance, waiting for Chay to ask for help if he ended up needing it. Together, they scaled the wall and reached the top, looking at each other with sweaty smiles before dropping down. Once Chay’s feet touched the floor he collapsed on his back and tried to catch his breath. 

“Whoops. Maybe I did go up too many levels at once.” Kim sat down cross-legged on the floor next to Chay and poked him in the cheek, hoping he hadn’t hurt him.

“I’m fine, just give me a second.” Chay placed a hand on Kim’s thigh and continued to suck in large breaths on the mat while his boyfriend watched with a bit of worry.

“You impressed me, you know. I didn’t think you would be able to get all the way up without help.” Kim admitted, Chay partially opening one eye to look at him.

“You just wanted me helpless and needing you.” Chay accused.

“Maybe.” Kim shrugged, not shy to admit it.

“Hmph.” Chay hauled himself into a sitting position, his shirt sticking to his sweaty back. 

“We need showers.” Kim observed, grimacing at how sweaty Chay was. 

“Hey, don’t make that face at me, you did this.” Chay flicked Kim in the forehead, a small ‘ eep’ escaping the older man’s mouth as he flinched back and rubbed the red mark. 

“Yeah, yeah. You ready to go? I feel a lot better now.” Kim asked, watching as Chay sagged a bit with relief. 

“I feel like an overcooked noodle, if we don’t leave I’m going to end up unable to move.” The younger man admitted, holding out his arm to show Kim his exhausted shaking. 

“Alright, sounds like we’re on the same page then. My place and then showers, we’re both gross.” Kim stood and helped to haul Chay off of the floor, the younger groaning. 

Chapter Text

When they walked into Kim's place, Chay tried to go sit on the couch.

"ABSOLUTELY DO NOT SIT ON MY COUCH WITH YOUR SWEATY ASS BODY." Came Kim's stern and loud voice from the hallway where he was retrieving towels and washcloths. Chay froze and turned his head carefully to look at his boyfriend.

"Okaaaay, where do you want me to sit then?" Chay looked around, unsure of which seat would be considered acceptable.

"A kitchen chair, it won't absorb the smell."

"Are you saying I stink?"

"Yes." The blunt answer sent Chay into a giggle fit as he pulled out a wooden chair to sit on.

"If I stink so much, why are you making me take the second shower?" Chay was still laughing lightly, a pretty smile on his face. Kim blushed a bit.

"I, you," Kim took a deep breath, "I wouldn't mind if you joined me."

Chay's laughing stopped and his mouth dropped open a bit, his eyes going wide. Kim was now the one frozen, afraid he had said something wrong.

"You would really be okay trying that? I don't want to move too quickly and end up hurting you." Chay finally said after allowing himself a few seconds to process the offer.

"I, um, I was thinking about it while we climbed, trying to decide if I was ready to try it. I didn't feel anxious when I pictured it so I thought maybe we could try." Kim could feel his body heating up as he explained, embarrassment running through him.

"Okay. Can you tell me what you imagined? What we did and didn't do? I want to know what you want and what you're expecting." Chay watched as Kim ducked his head down further, his hair hiding his face and his hands clutching the towel and washcloth in his arms.

"Well, I, um, I thought about you washing my hair and body, and me washing yours. I didn't really think past that." Kim felt a bit ashamed and he wasn't sure why.

"So nothing sexual, got it. Do you still want to try? We don't have to and you can always tell me no." Chay sat carefully in his chair, giving Kim space so he wouldn't feel cornered by Chay walking up to him.

"I do," Kim said quietly, "And if more than what I thought of happens, I don't want you to stop unless I say something." Kim lifted his thumb to his mouth to lightly chew on the skin, his cheeks turning an adorable shade of pink.

"Okay. I'm okay doing that. Would you like me to come with you right away or would you like a few minutes by yourself first?" Chay knew that undressing in front of people could be the scariest part of becoming intimate, maybe if Kim could undress first by himself it could help.

"That would be nice, actually. Just, stand outside the door and I'll call you in when I'm ready." Kim said, receiving an 'okay' from his boyfriend.

Kim walked to the bathroom and shut the door, leaving it unlocked. He started the shower and let it warm as he undressed. He organized his towel, washcloth, and comfortable clothes the way he liked them and then stepped into the warm shower room, sliding the fogged glass doors closed.

Kim stood under the warm spray and took a few deep breaths, moving his consciousness through his body to find muscles he needed to relax. When he felt calm and loose, he allowed himself to speak.

"I'm ready, you can come in." Kim listened as the door opened quietly and then shut.

"Do you want me to talk?" Chay's voice was barely audible over the running water.

"No." Kim waited for a reply but one didn't come. He placed his forearms on the wall in front of him and let the hot water run down his back to help soothe himself.

Slowly, the shower door slid open and Chay stepped inside before the doors closed again. Kim took deep breaths and reminded himself that he was safe, that it was Chay behind him and that Chay would never attack him.

"Can I wash you?" Chay asked. When he received a nod from Kim, Chay grabbed his washcloth and the body wash, lathering up the cloth with a generous amount of the bergamot and mandarin oil scented gel.

"Going to touch you." Chay whispered, receiving another nod from Kim. He blew on Kim's shoulder before placing the cloth there, a small warning so he wouldn't jump.

As he washed Kim's shoulder's, he carefully applied pressure, adding in a bit of a massage to his touches. As he moved down to Kim's shoulder blades, he heard a small low groan in Kim's chest. He pressed a bit harder and Kim pressed back into his hand. Then Chay moved his hand down again, rubbing the soap into Kim's mid and lower back, careful to not touch his ass.

Chay skipped down to Kim's legs, completing the scrubbing there before asking Kim to turn around. Kim hesitated and took a few deep breaths before turning around with his eyes closed.

"Does not being able to see me make it easier?" Chay asked, Kim immediately nodding.

"It's not that I don't want to look at you, it's just really overwhelming." Kim's voice shook a bit and Chay held his hand.

"We can stop here if you want-"

"No. I want to keep going." Kim managed to open his eyes to look at Chay. He didn't have that fogged over look in them that he sometimes got, his eyes were sharp and clear.

"Okay. Just tell me if you don't want me touching you somewhere." Chay reached forward and rubbed the soaped up cloth over Kim's collar bones, glancing up to monitor Kim's reaction. Then he moved the cloth over his boyfriend's chest, not missing the way his breath hitched slightly when the cloth dragged over his nipples.

Chay went further down, washing Kim's belly, staying a little longer on his happy trail. Then he washed Kim's thighs and calves before kneeling on one knee on the floor of the shower to pick up Kim's foot, gently washing it and then the other. Kim watched with wide eyes and his mouth a bit open as he breathed a bit heavier.

"Still okay?" Chay asked when he was standing back up, noticing Kim's change in breathing. He needed to know if it was good or bad.

"Yeah. I don't feel anxious." Kim looked down and his hair dropped in front of his face again. Chay used a finger to lift Kim's head, setting the cloth down on a shelf to use his other hand to slick back Kim's hair.

"What are you feeling?" Chay had been mindful not to look between Kim's legs this entire time, wanting to respect that he hadn't been told he could.

"I, I feel warm, breathless. I want to kiss you." Kim said, eyes flicking back and forth as he looked at Chay.

"So kiss me." Chay said. That was all the permission Kim needed before he was leaning forward, mouth open and tongue pushing into Chay's mouth. Both men groaned at the feeling.

Chay reached to grab the soapy cloth again, whispering 'let me try something, keep kissing me'. Chay placed the cloth on Kim's lower back, moving it back and forth in a soothing motion. Then he let it drift a bit lower to the very top of Kim's ass cheek. When Kim didn't flinch, he moved a little lower. He kept going until his hand and the cloth were settled on the fullest part of Kim's ass, the older man not flinching away.

"So good for me, Kim. Such a good boy." Kim whined into Chay's mouth as he listened to the praise murmured between kisses. He could feel the cloth and Chay's hand but he wasn't panicking. I want to try more.

"Squeeze. Want you to." Kim panted as he pulled away, telling Chay what he was thinking, what he was wanting.

"Okay. Tell me to stop if you need me too." Chay said before going back to kissing Kim, trying to offer him a distraction. Then he squeezed.

Kim didn't tense. He didn't say 'stop' or 'wait'. He sighed into Chay's mouth and pushed back into Chay's hand a little. Chay squeezed again, paying careful attention to the man he was kissing. Still no negative reaction.

"Gonna drop the cloth." Chay warned, Kim nodding his consent. When the cloth hit the floor with a wet plap, Chay's bare hand rested on Kim's ass, skin to skin. Kim still didn't tense, instead he loved the warmth of Chay's hand. Kim pulled away from the kiss to speak.

"Feels nice. I, it's good." He said with a small smile, his hands moving to rest on Chay's chest.

"Can I use my other hand too?" Chay had kept his other hand on Kim's waist this entire time, not wanting to overwhelm or scare him.

"Yeah. Go ahead." Kim said in a quiet and breathy voice, letting his eyes close as he rested his forehead on Chay's collar bone.

Chay slowly moved his hand down, cupping Kim's other ass cheek. Kim sighed and wrapped his arms loosely around Chay's neck, cuddling into him.

Chay gently squeezed with both hands and instead of Kim finching, he felt his boyfriend smile against his skin.

"Still okay?" Chay asked, wanting to check in despite feeling that precious smile.

"Yeah, no anxiety. No flashbacks. Feels nice." Kim stepped a little closer and Chay felt it then. Kim was hard and the tip of his dick just barely poked into the top of Chay's thigh.

"Ah, sorry." Kim tried to step back but Chay didn't let him, hands holding him in place.

"Don't be, it's sexy. Love knowing that I'm making you feel good. Gonna bring you closer, okay?" Chay's voice was so low and a bit gravely from his arousal. Kim whispered 'okay' and then Chay was using his grip on his ass to pull him in, Kim's erection pressing against Chay's upper thigh and pelvis.

"I, feels different." Kim said, voice a bit higher in pitch.

"Good different or bad different?" Chay asked, not bringing Kim any closer, just letting him feel it out.

"It doesn't really feel like much, just never been touched like this by someone before." Kim chewed his lip and kept his forehead pressed to Chay's skin, feeling better when he closed his eyes.

"Okay, and this," Chay gently rocked Kim against his body, "How does that feel?"

"It gives a little sensation but not much." Kim said, a bit shy as he spoke.

"Can I touch between your ass cheeks? Want to try something." Chay asked and Kim nodded. The Chay positioned them so water ran down Kim's back and to his hole, then slowly moved one finger to the furled area. Then he pressed just the tip of his finger inside.

Kim quietly gasped, his hands tensing a bit when they moved to rest on Chay's chest.

"Need me to stop?" Chay asked, moving his other hand to rub over Kim's lower back.

"I, it's just, aren't we supposed to use lube?" Kim's voice shook. He was nervous asking for this, he wasn't supposed to interrupt but Chay was safe, Chay would listen to him.

"I wasn't going to go any further. Do you want me to go further?" Chay asked as he gently swayed them side to side, careful with his footing.

"Yeah, I want you to." Kim shocked himself a bit, hearing those words leave his mouth. But when he thought them over, he meant them. Chay kissed his hair and then helped him to lean back against the wall.

"I'll grab something, stay right there." Chay left the shower and walked over to Kim's vanity, grabbing a tube of pure aloe vera. He then reentered the shower and Kim was back on him, arms rewrapped around his neck and Kim pressed his forehead back against his collarbone.

"Like standing like this. Helps me feel relaxed." Kim said, kissing the skin in front of his lips. Chay smiled and rubbed his back.

"Stand however you need, I've got you. I'm going to touch you again, is that still okay?" Chay opened the squeeze bottle and put some of the gel onto his pointer finger, making sure to use plenty.

"Yeah, I'm still okay with it." Kim said before going back to sucking at Chay's skin.

Chay trailed his hand down Kim's back before holding his ass cheek a bit to the side, the other hand moving down and his finger going back to Kim's hole. This time he had him stand out of the water, not wanting the gel to rinse away.

"Take a deep breath. Tell me right away if anything hurts." Chay waited and Kim took a deep breath, as Kim let the air out of his lungs, Chay slowly pushed his finger in, not stopping until it completely disappeared inside his boyfriend.

"Oh my God." Kim whispered, hands gripping Chay's shoulders.

"Good or bad?" Chay asked, ready to pull his hand away.

"It's fine, just absorbing the fact that you're inside me." Kim took another deep breath and his body relaxed a little more.

"You're doing such a good job, sweetheart. Keep breathing. I'm going to try moving my finger." Chay listened to Kim sigh and then pulled his finger back to the tip before pressing it back in.

"Little weird." Kim admitted. It didn't feel good or bad, it just felt like something moving around in his ass.

"If you turn around I can get a better angle to find your prostate." Chay offered. Kim took a second to weigh the options before nodding and letting go of Chay, his boyfriend's finger leaving his body.

Kim put his forearms on the wall and let his head drop forward, the top of his skull resting against the wall between his arms. Chay stepped up behind him and used one hand to hold him by the waist while he pressed his lubed finger against his hole.

"Deep breath in and then let it out." Chay pressed his finger back in as Kim exhaled.

"Nnng, it feels deeper." Kim said.

"I'm able to reach better this way. Gonna move now, deep breath." Chay pulled his finger out and then pushed back in. On the fifth push in he began to search for Kim's prostate.

"Why are you moving like that?" Kim asked, feeling a finger wiggling around inside his body felt a bit odd.

"I'm looking for your spot that feels good. It's a small lump inside." Chay explained, still moving his finger around gently.

"Just, keep being gentle." Kim said, a small wobble in his words.

"Of course. If you feel any pain, remember that I want you to tell me." Chay leaned in and placed a lingering kiss between Kim's shoulder blades while he still used his free hand to gently hold Kim's hip.

After a bit more gentle wiggling, Chay found the edge of a lump inside Kim.

"I'm going to press down a bit and it should feel good, okay?"

"Okay." Kim replied, voice a breathy whisper.

Chay gently pressed down on the bump he had found and Kim sucked in a breath through his teeth.

"Is that it?" Kim tried to dig his fingernails into the wall, rocking forward a bit with Chay gently following his movements.

"Yes, that's the spot. Yours is a little further in and to the left. Right here." Chay moved his finger with a bit more pressure and a tiny whimper escaped Kim.

"It, I don't," Kim took a couple of breaths, "If one finger feels like that, I don't know how I'll do more. I don't," Kim took another deep breath, "I don't think I want more. Please. Hold on..." Kim said in a shaky voice, his legs slightly shaking from the sensations. Chay stopped all movement.

"That's okay. I won't use more than one finger and you can tell me to stop at any time. Stay here with me. Remember, you're with Chay." Kim took a deep breath and Chay waited. 

"I'm okay. I'm here. Keep going." Kim whispered, just barely audible over the running water.

"You're sure?"

I'm sure. I'm okay, Chay. I promise, you've got me. I'm here." 

"You're right, you're here and I've got you." Chay murmured to Kim before he pressed down again and Kim gave up on leaning against the wall. He leaned back into Chay's chest, reaching down to guide the hand that was on his hip to instead rest on his lower belly over his happy trail, using the touch to ground himself.

Chay began a slow pace with gentle pressure, allowing himself to look down to see if Kim's body was reacting. He was met with an eyeful of hard cock. The tip was red and leaking and it twitched just a bit when he pressed just so on Kim's prostate.

"You can touch yourself if you want, it'll feel good." Chay murmured into Kim's ear, his voice low, gravely, sexy. His boyfriend gasped at how he sounded, able to feel how the words vibrated in Chay's chest.

Carefully, Kim reached to take himself in his hand, shyly beginning to stroke the hard flesh.

"Fucking shit, keep going." Kim demanded, his tone becoming a bit bossy.

"Gladly." Chay sped up a bit, pressing a bit harder. A whine slipped through Kim's gritted teeth and his hand sped up a bit as well. Chay kept his hand on Kim's belly, using the position to hold Kim in place when he began to squirm a bit.

It wasn't long before Kim was on the edge, his tummy rhythmically spasming under Chay's hand as he got a bit louder.

"You can let go, I've got you. I'm right here." Chay murmured, keeping his pace steady. That was all Kim needed to hear. He let himself go, leaking from the tip of his cock as he whined and wriggled. Chay held him mostly still with the hand he had on his belly, gently moving his finger to help Kim through his orgasm. Once Kim began to shake, Chay stopped his movements.

"Holy shit." Kim said and began to laugh softly and leaned a bit more heavily on his boyfriend.

"Good? Need anything?" Chay asked, his finger still inside his boyfriend.

"I feel like I just took the biggest leap of faith," Kim reached back and gently pulled Chay's finger from his body, "Thank you." Kim turned and kissed Chay, stepping a little closer. He made a noise and then broke the kiss to look down.

"Oh, don't worry about that. It'll go away." Chay tried to dismiss his own state of arousal but Kim wasn't having it.

"I want to see you get off. I, I don't think I'm ready to touch you but I want to watch if you're comfortable with-" Kim was cut off as Chay growled a bit as he leaned in to push his tongue into Kim's mouth. Once Chay had gotten the kisses he wanted, he backed up against the wall of the shower and looked at Kim with lidded eyes.

Chay took himself in his hand and began to stroke himself, but then he reached for the aloe and put a bit in his hand. When he stroked himself again, the glide was much smoother.

Kim moved to lean into Chay's side, holding his boyfriend's free hand. Kim watched as Chay stroked himself, noting how Chay tightened his hand on the upstroke and rubbed his thumb roughly over the head of his cock every time his hand reached his tip. Kim then looked up at Chay's face and saw him chewing on the inside of his lower lip as he pleasured himself. Kim decided to lean in and do his best to mimic how he had seen people leave hickies on their partner's neck in the movies he would sneakily watch.

"Fuck, suck a bit harder. Leaves a better mark." Chay guided Kim as he continued to move his hand. Kim sucked harder, letting his teeth press into Chay's skin. He couldn't help how he had to let go to grin when Chay moaned.

"Want you to come, Chay. You've done so well, been so patient. Let yourself have this." Kim said before leaning in to bite over the mark he had worked into Chay's skin.

Chay swore and his hand sped up again. He then used his free hand to guide Kim's hand to his belly.

"Feel. You'll know when I'm about to finish." Chay gasped, pressing Kims hand into his skin.

Chay wasn't wrong. Kim could feel Chay's orgasm moving through his body. His stomach began to twitch and spasm as Chay let out gasping moans. Then he saw the orgasm in the proof that shot from Porchay's body. Kim couldn't help the strong feelings he had as he grabbed Chay by the chin and pulled him in.

"Fucking gorgeous." Kim growled before kissing Chay within an inch of his life, a laugh puffing out of his nose when Chay's legs tried to give out. 

Chapter Text

After what had happened in the shower, Kim decided he needed an appointment with Lin. He made himself tell her about his past reactions to intimate touch from Chay and how he had reacted differently in the shower.

“Did you notice any difference in your emotions? Any difference in your thoughts?” Lin asked, her voice gentle and her lips pulled into a disarming smile. 

“I didn’t really have any thoughts. I panicked a little bit and started having a flashback but he pulled me out of it so quickly. I just felt happy to be with him and was relieved that I felt like I was making progress.” Kim picked at his knit sweater, completely out of his depth talking with someone about his intimate life. 

“Okay, so what is floating around in your mind right now? What are you thinking about?” Lin always seemed to know the questions Kim needed her to ask, like some kind of mindreader. 

“I’m worried. I have a lot of ‘what ifs’ swirling around in my head. What if it was a one time thing and I can never take that step again? What if I try again and end up panicking and hurting him? What if I can never have that with him again?” Kim let himself voice his worries, Lin had taught him that it was better to get them out than to bottle them up.Besides, he needed to do this for his relationship. He needed to dig for answers.

“What if this was the opening you needed to take more steps forward? What if you try again and it goes well? What if you find that you can continue to have intimate moments with him?” Lin leaned back in her chair, letting Kim process her counter questions. 

“What was different though? Why did my brain let me have that? I don’t understand.” Kim dropped his face into his hands, his mind spinning and a thousand thoughts began to tangle together.

“I’m going to ask you something and you do not have to answer me. Were you ever raped in a shower?” Lin frowned a bit when Kim slightly flinched. He began to breathe, counting to himself and letting the pattern soothe him. 

“No, I was never hurt in a shower.” Kim said, forcing his words out of his throat. 

“Then showers may be a place you feel safe because there is nothing to associate them with in that area. Has anyone hurt you in your apartment that you currently live in?” Lin carefully watched her patient, scanning for signs that he needed to stop. 

“No. I moved there after someone tried to hurt me at my last apartment, but no one has come to my current location.” Kim lifted his face a little and pulled a tissue from the box on the table next to him, carefully dabbing at his eyes.

“I think that your apartment and your shower are your safe spaces then. It makes sense to me that they are also where you feel you can take certain steps forward in your private life. Does that make some sense?” Lin waited in her chair, not rushing. 

“I don’t get it. How can it be a safe place with the guards always-” Kim stopped talking abruptly and Lin pulled her cellphone into her lap.

“What about the guards, Kim? Do you want to tell me?” Lin gently prodded, encouraging Kim while leaving him the option to say no to her.

“They weren’t there. Chay and I decided that our, um, personal training, would be enough and that we didn’t need to bring anyone to my apartment with us. Everything about my family and the compound was away from me. It was just us.” Kim stared at the floor ahead of his feet, his eyes beginning to go blank.

“It sounds like you’ve figured something out. Good job, Kim. I’m going to call Chay now, okay? He’ll be here in a moment.” Lin called Chay and put her phone on speaker, wanting Kim to hear every word so he didn’t feel like secrets were being exchanged. 

It was less than a minute later when a knock on the office door notified Lin of Chay's presence. She stood and walked quietly to open the door, letting Chay inside and leaving him and Kim alone in the room. 

“Hey, Kim. It’s Chay. You did so well, but now you need to come back, okay? You’re safe. We’re at Lin’s office and I need you to come back now.” Chay knelt in front of Kim, getting into his line of sight.

Kim stared at Chay, no recognition in his eyes, just a foggy, unseeing gaze. Chay began to pat Kim’s knees the way Lin had told him to. Left right left right left right. 

“Kim. You’re stuck in your memories right now. Chay is here. I’m right here and I’m real. Come back out when you’re ready, I’ll be waiting for you, okay?” Chay felt his eyes begin to sting and a lump in his throat tried to choke him. Left right left right left right. 

“ Chay.” A tiny whisper floated out of Kim’s mouth, his hands twitching where they were clenched on his thighs.

“That’s right, Chay is here. I’m waiting for you right here in the present. Come on out, it’s safe here. We’re in Lin’s office.” Chay turned when the door clicked open, Lin walking in with two cups of cold water.

“ I want to go home.” Kim said, voice still fighting for volume. A tear fell down his cheek and Chay had to resist wiping it away. Touching Kim’s face right now would only scare him is what Vegas had taught him.

“You can go home as soon as you come back out. I want you to look at me and drink some water from Lin, okay?” Chay waited and kept up with patting Kim’s knees, Kim’s own hands starting to try to follow along.

“ Water, please .” Lin immediately walked over and passed one cup to Kim, letting go only when he had a solid grip on it. She then smiled at Chay and passed him the other.

“Drink that for me, it’ll help you as well.” Lin patted Chay’s shoulder and then went to sit in her chair to give the couple a bit of space. 

Kim was staring at his water, not drinking it. Chay took the cup and Kim watched as he sipped from it before handing it back. Only then did Kim drink.

It took another fifteen minutes for the fog in Kim’s mind to start lifting, the exhaustion it left behind was horrible. Kim began to droop, Chay taking his empty cup from him and sliding it inside his own. He tossed them in the small trash can next to the couch.

“How are you feeling,” Chay asked, Kim only able to shake his head, “Do you feel like you can walk to the car?” Kim nodded.

“I’ll walk you out. He did so well today but I think he pushed himself a bit too hard. Keep him company and try to get him to sleep,” Lin said to Chay, getting a nod from him, then she lifted her face to look at Kim, “You did so well today, Kim. You were very brave and you faced some bad memories. Try to rest, your body and mind need it.” She then stood up, letting Chay get himself off of the floor and Kim off of the couch.

They all quietly walked to the front door of the building, Lin personally seeing them to their car.

“Take it easy for a little while, he processed through some difficult things and needs rest.” Lin said again, making sure Chay knew how serious she was.

“I promise to get him to rest, don’t worry. Thank you so much for taking care of him.” Chay kept an arm wrapped tightly around Kim’s waist to keep him steady.

“Don’t forget to message me when you can. If he can’t get out of this dissociation episode, let me know and I’ll talk to someone about an as-needed medication. You hear me, Kim? If you think you need help, you can message or call.” Kim gave a small nod when he was addressed, Lin smiling gently with a bit of sadness in her eyes.

“I’m gonna get him home, then. Thank you so much.” Chay said. Lin patted Chay’s shoulder again and went back to her office.

It was a bit of a struggle getting Kim in the car. He didn’t want to let Chay go so Chay took off his zip-up sweater and handed it to Kim after buckling him in. It kept Kim calm enough that Chay could get them back to Kim’s apartment.

Once there, Chay brought Kim to the bedroom and sat him on the end of the bed. He dug a bit for some cotton pajamas and helped Kim to change into them. Chay pulled the quilt down and helped Kim to climb in before pulling the quilt up to cover his now shivering boyfriend.

“Try to rest, I’ll sleep on the couch, okay? I don’t know if you want to be touched right now.” Chay didn’t get a response but when he tried to walk away, a hand grabbed the hem of his shirt.

“ Please stay.” Kim managed to say, tears now falling from his eyes.

“Oh, sweetheart. Okay, let me get these jeans off and I’ll get in. I’m right here.” Chay let Kim keep holding onto his shirt while he took off his jeans. The last thing Kim needed right now was a bad texture touching him and making things worse. 

Chay then had Kim let go of him so he could walk around the bed to crawl in on the other side. Once Chay was under the blanket, Kim turned over and latched onto him like a koala.

“ Please stay.” Kim said again, his body trembling and eyes full of tears.

“I’m staying, Kim. I promise. I’m right here and will stay here. I won’t leave you.” Chay carefully ran his fingers through Kim’s hair with one hand, using the other to hold him close.

Then Kim pressed his face into Chay’s chest and sobbed. It was an awful, heartbreaking wailing that held the emotions of a shattered soul. The tears were from years ago, finally springing forward to fall down soft cheeks.

And Chay held him. He held Kim until the tears could no longer flow. He held Kim until he could stop wailing and instead quietly hiccupped from the intensity of the emotional release. He held Kim until he fell asleep and then fell asleep himself. 

Chapter Text

When Kim woke up, it was dark in the bedroom. He looked around, unsure of what time it was. The clock with glowing green numbers told him it was just after two in the morning. 

Chay still held him close and was asleep. Kim sat up on his elbow to look at him. He watched how Chay breathed gently and his eyebrows were relaxed. His mouth in a slight frown as no muscles worked to keep it in some type of smile. The arm that held Kim was loose but still present, Chay not letting him go even in his sleep. 

Kim smiled softly and reached up to move a bit of hair away from Chay’s eyes. He felt so lucky, so cared for. He didn’t know what he could have done in a previous life to deserve having Chay now. 

Then Chay groaned a bit and his eyes opened.

“Hey.” He said, his voice low and gravely with sleep. His small smile was so damn cute. Kim swallowed heavily. 

“Hi. It’s just after two. Want to sleep more?” Kim asked, looking at Chay in the dark, the couple of nightlights lighting the room enough that they could see each other. 

“I feel rested. We went to bed pretty early. Want to go try to eat something? We skipped dinner.” Chay tucked Kim’s hair behind his ear and trailed a finger down his neck, the older man lightly shivering at the touch. 

“I could eat. Not too much though. Had a big day and all.” Kim’s eyes dropped as he remembered his appointment. 

“Sure, I can make something easy. How does rice with eggs sound?” Chay let Kim go at his own pace, not pushing him to talk about anything.

“Sure. I want to use ketchup though and you can’t stop me.” Kim poked his tongue out at Chay when he made a face at the combination.

“Whatever makes you happy, I guess. Come on.” Chay patted Kim’s hip and sat up, stretching out his body as a few joints popped. 

In the kitchen, Kim sat at the table while he watched Chay cook, a bit lost in thought. He blinked when a plate was set down in front of him and a bottle of ketchup. 

“Here’s your food, don’t push yourself to eat if you feel sick. I won’t be mad.” Chay kissed the top of Kim’s head and then went to get his own plate and two glasses of water. 

Something that Kim had told Chay about was how he would be punished if he didn’t clear his plate as a child. How he would be presented whatever he didn’t eat at the next meal and it was always cold. How his father made him do wall squats until he was fighting back tears from the pain, listening to his father tell him how he was ungrateful. He even was starved for two days when he’d thrown up at the table once, his stomach flu not mixing well with the heavy food. 

“Kim, you don’t have to eat. It’s okay.” Chay sat down across from Kim and gave him a glass of water to sip from. 

“Just lost in thought is all. I really want this. Thank you for cooking.” Kim smiled with just his eyes and then put a bit of ketchup on his plate. He scooped a bit of rice and eggs onto his spoon and then dipped it before putting it in his mouth. He sagged a bit, the warm food felt comforting and soothing. 

Chay felt some tension leave his body. Kim was eating and wasn’t forcing himself. Two very good things. He focused on his own plate and they ate together quietly in the dim room.

After a bit, Kim allowed himself to stop eating. He’d only taken three extra bites before he reminded himself that it was okay to stop eating when he felt full. Chay finished his plate and then stood to gather the dishes.

“Good boy, Kim. Proud of you for listening to your body.” Chay murmured before leaning down to kiss Kim on the cheek. He walked away with the dishes while Kim sat in dazed silence. 

Good? I’m good? My plate wasn’t empty, that’s bad. No. Remember, we listen to our body. My body says it’s full so it’s okay to leave food on my plate. Chay said it’s good to do that. I’m good. 

Kim smiled a bit to himself with that last thought. He did a good thing and Chay was proud of him.

“What’s got you smiling over here, hmm?” Chay sat down again and folded his arms on the table, his eyes shining as he looked at his boyfriend. 

“I did a good job. You said I was good.” Kim’ brain felt a little fuzzy, a little floaty. 

“You did do a good job. You listened to your body and that’s such a good thing.” Chay watched Kim carefully. He knew Kim could get a little lost in his mind after intense therapy sessions. Kim ducked his head at the praise and nodded, feeling a little shy.

“Oh! I got you something. Want to see it?” Chay stood from his chair and held out a hand to Kim, waiting for him to decide to hold it. 

“I didn’t do anything to earn a gift, though.” Kim took Chay’s hand a little warily, but trusted that he could follow Chay and it would be okay.

“You don’t earn gifts, phi. Gifts are given because you care about someone and want them to have something. I care about you and want you to have this.” Chay’s heart sank a little. He now had a goal to shower Kim with gifts to prove to him that he never had to earn them. 

“Oh.” Was all Kim said before Chay guided him to sit on the couch.

“Stay right there, I’ll be back in a second.” Chay stroked Kim’s hair a few times before walking away. When Chay came back he had a gift box in his hands and a big smile on his face. He set the box on Kim’s lap and Kim made a small shocked sound. 

“It’s heavy.” Kim stroked his hand over the lid of the box, unsure if he was allowed to open it.

“It is. Go ahead and open it, it’s yours.” Chay sat down next to Kim and watched as he lifted the lid. His boyfriend let out a small gasp as he lifted the gift from its box. 

A black cat stuffed animal. It had pretty green eyes and incredibly soft and short fur. It was heavy, weighing six pounds.

“Here. You cuddle with it like this.” Chay laid the cat on Kim’s chest and draped two weighted paws over his shoulders.

“It feels like a hug…” Kim said, voice incredibly soft, his eyes staring ahead as he processed. 

“That’s the goal. Does it feel nice?” Chay pet Kim’s hair, watching as his boyfriend struggled to keep his eyes open while he hugged the cat. 

“I like it a lot. I’ve never had a stuffed animal before.” Kim closed his eyes and leaned his head against the back of the couch. He felt so relaxed. 

“Do you want to name it? Some people like to name their stuffed animals.” Chay kept stroking Kim’s hair, letting him relax under the weight of the cat.

“Oh, um. Let me think a bit,” Kim went still with his eyes closed, for a few seconds Chay thought he’d fallen asleep, “I like Onyx.”

“Onyx it is then.” Chay said with a smile while squeezing back his tears.

_____

 They’d gone back to bed after that. Kim needing rest and Chay wanting to keep him company. They woke again a few hours later, the sun in the sky but still low. 

Kim was still sleeping when Chay woke up, the younger getting to admire his boyfriend this time. Sleep seemed to be the only time Kim truly relaxed, but even then, he sometimes was tense. 

Kim had set his new cat on the bench at the end of the bed. He wanted to keep her close but also wanted to cuddle Chay instead. He’d decided she would stay on the bench in case he needed her but then she would be out of the way for Chay cuddles. 

Kim blinked his eyes open and stared at Chay, the fog of sleep slowly lifting. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Chay held Kim’s cheek and rubbed his thumb over the skin, Kim melting a bit. 

“Better. Yesterday was a lot.” Kim admitted, holding Chay’s gaze. 

“It was, but you did amazing.”

“I want to tell you what I realized during my appointment.”

“Okay. I’m all ears.” Chay watched as Kim reached up and grabbed his hand by the wrist, pulling it down from his face so he could hold it. 

“I told her about, um, about the intimate steps forward we’ve taken,” Kim looked at Chay and he nodded to encourage him, “I asked her why I felt safe enough to take that step here but not anywhere else. She helped me to realize that my mind knows the shower is safe. I also realized that no guards were here. Everything about the compound was gone and it was just you and me.” Kim stopped talking and Chay took a second to think. 

“So you feel safest here when no one has come with us?” Chay asked, he wanted to be sure that he was understanding. Kim nodded.

“Guards used to keep watch but they also would always report to my father. They would tell him everything about what I did and when. They kept track of anyone I was with and my father would use that as leverage. Being alone or with you, I feel free. I feel like I can breathe.” Kim held Chay’s hand tighter as he felt his eyes begin to burn, swallowing around a lump in his throat. 

“I’m glad you were able to realize that. It sounds like a great step forward in figuring out your wants and needs. You deserve to feel safe.” Chay watched Kim. He watched how his eyes moved as he thought.

“Can I ask you something? You can say no when I ask, I promise I’ll be okay if you do.” Kim played with Chay’s fingers, not able to look him in the eyes. 

“Of course. Ask me anything.” Chay replied.

“Will you move in with me? I mean, will you move in here?” Kim flinched slightly when he felt Chay tense up. Kim let go of his hand, pulling his arms close to himself as he closed his eyes and waited.

“You really want that? You’d be okay with me in your space?” Chay reached for Kim but stopped when he noticed Kim squeezing his eyes shut even tighter at the movement. 

“You can say no. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Kim waited to be laughed at, to be pushed away. 

“Kim, I’m not upset. I’m surprised, but I’m not upset. I promise.” Chay carefully reached out and set his hand on Kim’s forearm, not moving his hand to try to soothe his boyfriend, just letting Kim feel his touch. Kim opened his eyes and they were full of tears. 

“Then why’d you tense up? You don’t have to lie to me, I can handle-”

“Kim. I want to move in with you.” Chay watched as Kim looked up with wide eyes, his mouth opening and closing a few times. 

“You, you’re saying yes? Promise you’re not teasing.” Kim looked so hopeful but so scared. 

“I promise you, I am not teasing. I am not lying. I want to move in with you.” Chay watched as the words settled into Kim’s brain. Then his arms were suddenly full of adorable boyfriend. 

“Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Kim said before starting to pepper kisses over Chay’s face, neck and collarbones. Chay smiled and laughed. 

“I love you.” Chay let the words fall from his mouth. There was an entirely new layer to the phrase since the last time he had said it to Kim in that hallway after Vegas had brought him home. Kim sat up and looked at Chay, really looked. 

“I love you.” Kim said, his chin wobbled and then he was leaning forward to kiss Chay. Kim let his tears fall as his boyfriend wrapped his warm arms around him and softly kissed him back.

Chapter Text

They kissed gently until Kim’s tears dried. Holding each other close in the morning light. It was safe, warm, secure. 

Then Kim lifted his leg and draped it over Chay’s pelvis without any fear. Chay gasped and looked down with a bit of shock before moving his hand from Kim’s hip to his thigh.

Kim snuggled closer and hummed a bit, almost a purr as he continued to kiss his boyfriend. Chay pulled away with a smile as air puffed out of his nose. 

“So cute, my P’ Kitty.” Chay nuzzled Kim’s neck before gripping Kim’s thigh tighter.

“Not a kitty.” Kim grumbled, leaning down to bite Chay’s shoulder with a small growl before sucking a mark there as best as he could. 

“You purr and bite and growl, you’re definitely my kitty.” Chay replied, moving his hand to the back of Kim’s thigh and carefully sliding it up just under Kim’s butt.

Kim pulled back and looked at Chay before putting his hand on his throat and using that grip to lift Chay’s face.

“ Yours.” Kim murmured before leaning back in and plunging his tongue into Chay’s mouth. Chay easily moved with him, pliant and happy to follow Kim’s lead. He kneaded Kim’s thigh to keep himself calm as he felt himself harden in his pants. 

“Kim,” Chay tried to pull back but Kim’s hold on him didn’t let him go far, “We should stop here if you don’t want to go further.” Kim was just as out of breath as his boyfriend was and Chay watched his eyes dilate even more as he processed what he’d said.

“ Give me more.” Kim almost growled, his voice low and a bit gravelly. Chay couldn’t help the shiver that ran through his body and Kim grinned at the reaction.

“Can we try something? You’re already in a good spot for it, just need to move a little more.” Chay’s voice was a little high as it shook with his arousal. Kim’s hand had moved to the base of his throat, his thumb rubbing over where his pulse pounded in the artery. 

“Move me to where you want me, tell me what you want.” Kim said, voice gentle now. He leaned in and kissed the side of Chay’s neck.

“I want you straddling me, want..” Chay trailed off, finally blushing.

“We can’t do it if you don’t tell me. I need to know if I can do it.” Kim leaned down and sucked a mark where Chay’s collarbones met and smiled at the small ah that left Chay’s mouth.

“I want to rub, ah don’t bite, phi. I want to rub our cocks together.” Chay finally said, his grip on the back of Kim’s thigh now painfully tight. Kim used it to keep himself grounded and in the present. 

“Show me how.” Kim said directly into Chay’s ear, letting his voice draw a stuttered sigh from his boyfriend. 

Chay helped Kim straddle his hips, pulling him forward a bit while watching Kim’s reaction. When their bodies pressed together, Kim chewed the inside of his bottom lip, putting both hands flat on Chay’s chest.

“How do you feel? Want to stop?” Chay held Kim’s hips lightly, not wanting him to feel trapped.

“I feel, good? It’s different.” Kim gave himself time to process, to take in what his mind and body were feeling.

“What’s going through your mind?” Chay rubbed his thumbs over Kim’s hip bones, holding the rest of his body carefully still.

“I feel in control. No bad thoughts, just you.” Kim let out a breathy laugh and he smiled, hands solid and warm on Chay’s chest.

“Want to keep going or do you want to stop here? I won’t be upset if you want to stop.” Chay watched from the pillows, holding back proud tears. 

“Can I try something? I want to touch you, but, over clothes.” Kim went back to chewing the inside of his lower lip, a blush rising on his cheeks. 

“Go ahead.” Chay smiled and settled in a bit more on the pillows under his head and shoulders. 

Kim let his right hand start to slowly wander. He felt Chay’s nipple under his shirt and didn’t miss how his boyfriend swallowed heavily when he dragged his thumb nail over the area. He moved down to Chay’s belly, loving the small amount of squish that covered his muscles. 

Kim brought his other hand down, putting both flat on Chay’s belly, able to feel his muscles with just a bit of pressure. Chay licked his lips, his mouth slightly open as he tried to remember to breathe. Kim moved one hand down, stopping at Chay’s waistband. 

They both sat quietly for a moment, Kim taking his time. He looked up at Chay, receiving a nod of consent and reassurance. Kim took a deep breath and moved his hand lower, pausing when he touched the bulge in Chay’s pants.

Chay’s head fell back and he pulled his lips into his mouth, a sharp breath pulled in through his nose. Kim looked up, thinking he’d done something wrong but Chay was flushed. It wasn’t just his cheeks anymore, it was also his neck and collarbones, the pink color disappearing into his shirt.

Kim moved his hand a bit, cupping Chay. He noticed not all of him fit in his hand. Chay swallowed and a small pant left his lips. He was gripping the sheets, the blanket at his shins behind Kim. 

“I don’t know what to do from here.” Kim admitted, hand still holding Chay.

“You can keep touching, can try to wrap your hand around it a bit. You can stop too. Whatever you want, phi.” Chay was a bit out of breath. His hands coming back up to gently hold Kim’s thighs.

Kim only took a few seconds to think before slowly going from cupping Chay to trying to wrap his fingers around him. He managed and his mouth dropped open a bit. He finally got an idea of the size of Chay and was a bit shocked. He was a bit more than six inches long and had a girth that let just the tips of his fingers touch. He wasn’t afraid of his size, which was a relief, but was turned on instead.

“Fuck, you look so good like this. Feels good.” Chay’s hands gripped Kim’s thighs and he couldn’t help the groan that vibrated in his throat. He had to close his eyes, his cock was starting to ache.

“I thought I would be scared seeing your shape.” Kim said, adjusting his hand to pull the cloth over Chay’s cock tighter so he could see him better.

“Are you? Scared, I mean.” Chay started to take apart a gun in his head, imagining setting the parts on a table and making sure everything was clean and not broken.

“No. I feel good.” Kim’s voice was a bit breathy, his own cock starting to completely fill out.

“What do you want to do?” Chay asked. All pieces in good condition. Reassemble. 

“Want you to show me what you talked about.” Kim said, looking up from where his hand was. Chay opened his eyes and took a deep breath.

“I’m going to move you, is that okay?”

“Yeah.”

Chay moved his hands to hold Kim by the hips again, moving him just a couple of inches up his body. He then helped Kim to lean forward, placing his hands next to his head on the pillows.

Kim looked down at him with nervous eyes, his hair hanging down. Chay reached up with one hand and tucked his hair back behind one ear.

“Beautiful.” Chay whispered before leaning up for a quick kiss.

“What do I do now?” Kim looked down at where their bodies pressed together and tried to pinch his thighs together at the throb that ran through him, Chay’s pelvis holding them open. 

“You move your body like this,” Chay guided Kim’s hips to roll against his own, “And it should feel good.” Chay kept it all gentle, not pushing Kim to press down more firmly.

“I, it feels nice but doesn’t do much.” Kim admitted. 

“Then you can push a little more, be a little more firm.” Chay helped Kim figure out how to get more friction, how to press down with more confidence.

“ Oh.” Kim looked down at where they were touching, one of those small zings going through his crotch.

“You’re doing good, keep experimenting with what amount of pressure feels good.” Chay stopped guiding Kim, wanting him to start trusting himself in these moments and to listen to his body. 

Kim took a deep breath and made his next thrust even firmer. His eyes squeezed shut and a shaky breath left his mouth. His hands clenched in the pillows as the feeling in his cock increased.

“Good boy, Kim. Doing such a good job.” Chay reached up and held Kim’s wrists, using his hands and voice to let Kim know he was there.

Both moaned softly when Kim pushed down just a bit more. Kim repeated the motion and his head drooped between his shoulders. He could feel Chay twitch against him and smiled a bit. He was making Chay feel good.

“Feels nice.” Kim managed to say between gasps. He opened his eyes and looked at Chay who was watching him with an intense gaze, hands still wrapped around Kim’s wrists.

“You’re doing so well. Feels so good, phi .” Chay gasped the last word, Kim finally getting the angle just right.

“ Chay .” Kim whispered. 

“That’s right. You’re with your Chay, making me feel so good. How do you feel?” Chay watched as Kim kept moving, his hips rolling so beautifully. 

“Good, but…” Kim bit his lip, eyes squeezing shut.

“But what? You can, ah shit, you can tell me.” Chay’s hands tightened and his body twitched, climbing closer to his climax. 

“Can’t finish like this. So good but not enough.” Kim panted, obviously feeling good but he also wasn’t as close as Chay was.

“Can I touch you? In the back?” Chay didn’t move, not wanting Kim to think he would do anything without explicit consent.

“Okay.” Kim rolled his hips again after pausing to think.

“Is under your clothes okay?” 

“Yeah.”

Chay let go of one of Kim’s wrists and brought two fingers to his mouth to wet them. He paused with his hand at the back of Kim’s waist band, waiting until he got a nod. He reached in and back slowly, setting his fingers against Kim’s hole.

“Just don’t go in.” Kim said quickly, tensing a bit.

“I will never put anything inside you without lube. I promise. Just going to touch you on the outside.” Chay rubbed his wet fingers over the furled skin, showing Kim what he meant.

Kim couldn’t stop the high moan that left his lips. It always felt more intense like this. It was like his body couldn’t feel the full extent of what he was experiencing without this. 

“There you go. Feel good?” Chay asked, pressing a little more firmly at the sound.

“Good. Keep going.” Kim leaned heavily on his hands, opening his eyes to look at how Chay was still holding his wrist with his free hand. I want… 

Kim leaned onto his occupied hand and lifted the other, setting it at the base of Chay’s neck while watching his reaction. Chay’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he tipped his head back a bit. Kim had stopped rolling his hips, focusing on this. He slowly moved his hand up Chay’s throat, resting his thumb and fingertips over his arteries. Chay’s pulse was rapid and Kim smirked, something shifting in his brain.

“Feeling riled up, are we?” Kim asked, his eyes going from large and round to sharp and a bit dark. Chay swallowed and Kim loved feeling it under his hand.

“Yes. You make me feel so good.” Chay replied, his breathing calming a bit as Kim held him down.

“Should I keep going? Do you want that?” Kim leaned down, inching his face closer to Chay’s, his voice dipping lower.

“Yes. I want it, please.” Chay’s eyes were wide but his body was relaxed and he still held onto Kim’s wrist next to his head.

“Okay. Keep touching me, it helps.” Kim rolled his hips and Chay’s eyes rolled back as he tried his best to massage Kim’s entrance.

They both started to near their climaxes, Chay gasping and gritting his teeth. Kim leaned down and bit at Chay’s throat where it wasn’t covered by his hand, determined to leave a satisfactory mark. 

“Kim, phi, I’m close.” Chay tried to keep talking but whimpered instead. His grip on Kim’s wrist tightening as his breathing sped up and his belly began to spasm. 

“It’s okay. Want you to come. Let go when you need to.” Kim kept moving, his own body starting to shake but he kept his eyes open, watching Chay intently.

His boyfriend shook apart underneath him. He moaned and whined, his legs moving as he came in his pants. His facial expressions were stunning and a single tear slipped out of the corner of Chay’s eye as it squeezed shut. Kim leaned down and licked it up before he could question himself. 

“Phi, please. Want you to come too.” Chay said in a sweet voice. The muscled, taller man was gone, and cute, adorable, Porchay was now who was under Kim. 

“Just a bit more. Hold on, sweetheart.” Kim rolled his hips, once, twice, a third time and then his body locked up. He moaned, keened, his legs trying to close but unable to with his boyfriend between them. Chay moved his hand to Kim’s ass cheek and savored the noises that Kim didn’t hold in.

Kim’s hand moved from Chay’s neck to the pillows to help him hold himself up as he panted and shook. 

“You okay?” Chay asked, a bit dazed and still coming down from his own high.

“Yeah,” Kim carefully got off of Chay’s lap and collapsed on his side on the bed, “Are you?” he then turned over onto his back, trying to catch his breath.

“I’m amazing. That was amazing, phi.” Chay turned his head to look at Kim, loving his fucked out look.

“I, it was different. Was that okay? We didn’t really talk about it. I didn’t do anything you didn’t like right? You can tell me-”

“Phi. That was amazing. I loved it all.” Chay reached out and held Kim’s hand, smiling.

“Oh. Okay, good. I really liked it too.” Kim lost all of that intense energy he had had earlier, going back to wide eyes and being shy and unsure.

“You were so sexy. I loved seeing you so confident, too. Fuck, that was good.” Chay giggled a bit and ran his fingers through his own hair.

“I felt confident. Felt good about myself.” Kim admitted, lifting Chay’s hand up onto his chest so he could play with his fingers.

“I’m so proud of you. I love you so much.” Chay turned and looked at Kim, his smile so wide that it almost made his eyes disappear. 

“I love you.” Kim said, his own smile peaking out onto his face before he leaned in to kiss Chay softly. Kim made a sudden sound and pulled away with a grimace, looking down.

“This is disgusting. I’m gonna go grab a couple cloths. Can you grab us new underwear?” Kim sat up, pinching the front of his pants to hold them away from his body. Chay cackled and gave a thumbs up as Kim got out of bed and waddled to the bathroom.

Chapter Text

“Wen, we’re going to the theater, you should put your hearing aids in. You know how they are with the closed captioning machines.” Prong said as he put some earrings on in front of Wen’s bathroom mirror. They’d had a sleepover the night before full of amazing cuddles. 

“What?” Wen walked into the bathroom with a confused look.

“You should wear your hearing aids because the theater’s always suck at having functioning closed caption machines.” Prong repeated, straightening up to inspect himself in the mirror. 

“You know they hurt me. I would rather just go and hope for a machine.” Wen said, rubbing his ears with a pout. He didn’t want to deal with the sore spots and possible blisters from his aids. He’d gotten them after protecting Kinn from an explosion six years ago. He’d covered Kinn’s ears but not his own, resulting in him being mostly deaf in his right ear and hard of hearing in his left. 

“I know, but it would only be for the movie. You can take them out as soon as the credits start.” Prong replied. He really wanted Wen to be able to properly experience this movie. 

“Fine. But if they hurt too much I’m taking them out, no matter where we are in the plot.” Wen crossed his arms over his chest, a signal that he was done talking about this.

“Of course. Thank you for trying.” Prong leaned in and kissed Wen’s cheek to appease him. He was rewarded with a shy smile. 

“We should go now so we don’t miss the trailers.” Wen said and then turned around and walked away with a blush on his cheeks.

_____

Wen made it through most of the movie before wincing and pulling out his hearing aids. He couldn’t take the aching and pinching anymore. Prong had sat on his left side just in case so he could do his best to relay what the characters were saying. 

“That was a really good movie, I really liked how the dinosaurs looked. It was cool that I could feel their roars in my chest too.” Wen said afterwards, a smile on his face as he swung his and Prong’s linked hands between them as they walked.

“The roar vibrations were super cool. I also really liked the plants and forests. It was all so beautiful. Just like my boyfriend.” Prong leaned over to whisper the last part into Wen’s left ear. Wen quietly squeaked and pulled his shoulders up to his ears with a blush. 

“You can’t just say things like that. Someone might hear us.” Wen looked around, nervous that they were being watched. 

“We’re literally holding hands, everyone around knows we’re a couple.” Prong pointed out, laughing as Wen quickly looked down and then back up. 

“Shut up.”

_____

When they arrived at the compound they went to Prong’s suite, ready for a night of Netflix, pajamas, and more cuddles. Wen tucked himself into Prong’s side easily and lifted the remote to click on Brave. 

“This one makes you cry. You sure you want to watch it again?” Prong rubbed Wen’s thigh and looked at him.

“I’m positive.” Wen said, a cute smile crossing his face. As the movie played, Wen mulled over his plan.

Just do it. You both have rare free time so let yourself use it. You trust him and he trusts you so just-

“Wen, you’re thinking too loud. Want to talk about it?” Prong turned away from the movie and reached up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind Wen’s ear before setting his down on Wen’s thigh.

“I’m trying to work up some courage.” Wen admitted, not willing to say more.

“And if I work up the courage instead? Would that be okay?” Prong tightened his grip on Wen’s thigh, watching his boyfriend carefully. 

“If you do it this will probably be initiated more quickly, I’m really nervous.” Wen admitted with a small shy smile. 

“Well, we can have our safe word be checkers, like the one we use on the field. Then we can tell each other if something is going too far. Does that help your nerves at all?” Prong asked, his hand now squeezing Wen’s thigh in a rhythm. 

“Yeah, it helps. Checkers is the safe word. Please kiss me.” Wen laid his head against the back of the couch and turned towards Prong, his eyes expectant and shining. 

Prong didn’t waste any time, diving in straight away. He kissed Wen with a closed mouth, not wanting to do too much too quickly. Wen sighed out of his nose, the tension that had been building inside him starting to release. 

Slowly, Wen opened his mouth a bit and poked out his tongue. Prong hummed low in his chest, welcoming Wen in. 

Everything felt so quiet, so close, so intimate . Together, they crossed from friends who flirted into something more, reaching a deeper level of connection.

Prong moved his hand up on Wen’s thigh slowly, testing the waters. Wen made a soft sound and moved to press his cock into Prong’s palm. 

Wen was hard in his pajamas and Prong could feel himself filling out too. He was so content and excited and so happy. 

“I’m so lucky,” Prong said as he pulled away to kiss Wen’s neck, “So lucky you said yes to dating, so lucky you like me back, so damn lucky.” He murmured as he kissed over soft skin, searching for any spots that were more sensitive. 

“Ah! Ro, feels good.” Wen’s hand came up to hold the back of Prong’s head as he sucked on his skin. Wen’s hips moved to keep pushing himself into Prong’s hand, searching for more.

“You sound so pretty.” Prong said before biting down on the spot he had left a mark over, Wen sucking in air through his teeth. 

“Can, ah, can I touch you? Are you okay with that?” Wen asked, his eyes closed as he focused. His eyes went wide in surprise when Prong straddled his lap and sat.

“You can touch me all you want.” Prong said while nodding, making sure Wen could see that he consented. Wen’s hands flew to his waist and pulled him close, pressing their cocks together. Both men groaned, the friction feeling so good. 

Wen reached up with a hand and set two fingers on Prong’s adams apple, feeling the sounds he made. Prong smiled and placed Wen’s palm over his throat, letting his partner know it was okay to hold him.

When Prong groaned again, Wen gasped at the vibrations under his hands and his head tipped back against the couch. Prong leaned forward and used his thumb and index finger to guide Wen into a kiss by his chin. 

They were in heaven. This was safe, easy. They moved together in a slow grind, getting used to this new aspect of their relationship. Then Wen moved his free hand to the waistband of Prong’s sweatpants. 

“Is it okay if I touch you under your clothes?” Wen watched Prong’s lips carefully.

“I would love that. Can I touch you?” 

“Please.” Wen replied before slightly gripping Prong’s throat to pull him back in for more kisses. 

They both slid hands under clothes, finally touching skin. They started gently, simply exploring and measuring reactions. The atmosphere was quiet and carefully built. 

“Still okay?” Prong asked, watching how Wen kept his eyes closed.

“What?” Wen blinked his eyes open to watch Prong speak. 

“Are you okay? Your eyes keep closing.” Prong asked again.

“Yeah, easier to focus that way. I can feel more.” Wen smiled softly before moving the hand that held Prong. He felt Prong groan and giggled a bit.

Prong leaned in closer to Wen’s left ear and let himself be vocal. He noticed that his own sounds heightened Wen’s own arousal. They pulled moans from Wen’s mouth and made him shiver.

“I’m gonna come if we don’t stop,” Prong said, pausing his movements, “Do you want to go further or do you want this?” Prong kissed just under Wen’s left ear, making his boyfriend whimper. 

“I want everything, Ro. Please.” Wen squirmed a bit, pulling his hand out of his boyfriend’s pants. 

“Okay. It’s  okay, you can have everything. Just let me go get a couple things.” Prong whispered against Wen’s ear, using his clean hand to pet Wen’s shoulder length hair back. 

When he received a nod and a small ‘okay’, Prong got up from the couch and moved to walk away, but then Wen caught his hand. 

“Actually, could we move to your bed?” Wen looked up with big, beautiful eyes.

“Of course, blossom. Come on.” Prong had been nervous to try the nickname he had always called Wen in his head, but seeing the other man blush made him giddy. He couldn’t stop a large smile that spread over his face as he and Wen walked to the bedroom.

Wen only laid down when Prong encouraged him, afraid to touch anything without permission. Prong took the time to pull his shirt off and grabbed lube and condoms from his bedside table.

When Prong turned around, Wen was also missing his shirt. Prong’s jaw dropped open and he couldn’t stop staring. Wen looked away, his cheeks darkening further. Prong got on the bed and straddled his boyfriend again.

“So beautiful, my petal. Like the most perfect cherry blossom.” Prong said, making sure to say it loudly so Wen wouldn’t miss it. He watched Wen chew the inside of his lower lip and pinch his eyes closed.

“I love your scars, too,” Prong said as he moved Wen’s arms to the side from where he had them covering parts of his torso, “Every single one is a part of you and your history. They show a story of how brave and selfless you are.” Prong took his time kissing each one and running his tongue over them. He loved how Wen’s muscles twitched from the sensation. 

“Ro, please, no more teasing.” Wen finally looked at his boyfriend, eyes showing his desperation. 

“Okay. Can I take off your pants and underwear?” 

“Yes.”

Prong leaned up to peck a kiss on Wen’s lips before he reached for the waistband of his lover’s pants. He slowly pulled them down and Wen lifted his hips to help.

“Fuck. I knew you would be but you’re beautiful everywhere.” Prong moved back on Wen’s legs a bit so he could run his hands over the newly exposed skin. Everything was so soft and warm and pink.

“You too. Pants off. Don’t want to be the only one naked.” Wen said, lifting a hand to press the back of his wrist over his mouth to shield his shyness. 

“Of course.” Prong stood up and removed his own pants and then his underwear, making himself keep his hands at his sides instead of trying to cover himself. Wen’s eyes traveled over his skin.

“Come back.” Wen held his hands out, a sweet expression on his face as he called for Prong. Carefully, Prong crawled back into Wen’s lap and straddled his pelvis. 

They both were a bit tense and Wen noticed. He reached up and gently held the side of Prong’s neck, pulling gently to guide him into a kiss. Wen set his thumb over Prong’s Adam's apple, able to feel every tiny sound he missed with his ears. 

Prong reached around for the lube without breaking their kiss. The bottle clicked open and he coated three of his fingers before closing the bottle and setting it aside. He rubbed his fingers together to warm the gel a bit.

When he pulled away from the kiss and reached back to slowly insert the first finger into himself, Wen watched with a slightly open mouth and heavy breaths. 

Prong steadied himself with his free hand on Wen’s chest while Wen kept a hand on his throat to feel any moans.

When he was ready, Prong inserted a second finger, gasping lightly and wincing a bit at the stretch.

“Go slow, don’t hurt yourself. There’s no need to rush.” Wen said, rubbing a hand up and down Prong’s thigh to try to help him relax. 

Prong nodded, going a bit slower. He added the third a bit later and Wen sighed as he felt his boyfriend take a large breath. He felt like he was watching a piece of art. 

He couldn’t help himself. Wen sat up and locked his lips over one of Prong’s nipples, sucking and running his tongue over it. Prong’s body spasmed and he gasped after swallowing hard.

“Feels good, keep going.” Prong said, his breathing speeding up a bit. Wen reached back with both hands and flattened them against Prong’s shoulder blades, pulling him in so he could press his mouth over his chest with more force. Wen moved to the other nipple, allowing himself to gently bite. Prong closed his eyes and shivered, grinning like a pleased cat. 

“Okay, I’m ready.” Prong pulled his fingers from his body while he patted Wen’s shoulder. Wen’s lips were swollen and spit slick and Prong just had to lean in and suck on them while reaching for a condom and the lube. 

Prong made himself pull away and used a hand on Wen’s chest to push him back down into the pillows.

“Let me take care of you, okay?” Prong smiled and tucked some of Wen’s hair behind his ear. 

“Okay, Phi.” Wen nodded, his voice just above a whisper. Prong’s cock twitched and the honorific. Wen never used them with him. He shook his head a bit and reminded himself to focus. 

Carefully, Prong opened the condom package and rolled it down Wen’s length, watching how his boyfriend's stomach twitched at every touch. He then poured a bit of lube into his palm and left it to warm a bit as he closed the tube and tucked it under the pillows. 

Once Wen was slicked, Prong positioned himself and took a deep breath. He sank down slowly and lifted Wen’s hand back to his throat, letting him feel how good he was making Prong feel. 

Both sighed when Prong finally sat with his full weight on Wen's pelvis. Wen giggled a little. 

“I can’t believe we’re doing this. I thought we’d be stuck as friends forever.” He admitted. Prong smiled and a small ‘tch’ left his mouth. He leaned down to kiss Wen, his emotions so big he had to put them somewhere. 

“I’m gonna move, okay? Stay right there for me.” Prong said, putting both hands on Wen’s chest. Wen nodded and set his hand on Prong’s waist, holding on, while his other stayed on Prong’s throat.

Prong barely lifted before sinking back down. Then again. He kept the pace until Wen whined.

“Want more?” Prong teased.

“Yes, please.” Wen’s voice was pitched up a bit as he gasped out the words.

Prong set a proper pace then. Lifting himself until just Wen’s crown was inside him before dropping back down. He adjusted his angle a few times until a loud, gasping moan left him. Wen smiled so wide his cheeks squished his eyes into crescents. 

“Fuck, so good. Doing so well, petal.” Prong praised the man underneath him. He was doing what he was told, keeping still despite his face showing that he desperately wanted to move. 

“Please keep going. Don’t stop.” Wen keened, his voice cracking a little as his hand tightened even further on Prong’s hip. 

Both were sweating and Prong’s thighs ached but he couldn’t care less. He had the most beautiful man under him, letting himself be used as he obeyed. 

“Getting close, blossom. Can you hang on a bit more for me?” Prong leaned down and murmured into Wen’s left ear before taking the earlobe between his teeth.

“Yes! I’ll do it.” Wen just about sobbed, his body spasming as he did everything he could to hold off.

It was only a minute later that Prong came. He watched as his semen landed on Wen’s belly and chest, like a claim. He panted a bit and held still as he regained his bearings. Then he smirked and looked down at a struggling Wen. 

“Take what you need.” Prong whispered into Wen’s ear. That was all the permission Wen need before both hands gripped Prong’s hips harshly as he planted his feet on the bed. He thrust hard and fast, chasing his own peak. When he reached it, a beautiful moan filled the room. Wen sat up and wrapped one arm around Prong’s waist to pull him close, using his other to reach back and hold himself up. He pressed his forehead to Prong’s collarbones as he shook and whimpered and gasped. Prong ran a hand through Wen’s hair to keep him grounded. 

They stayed that way for a few minutes, basking in the quiet aftermath of their lovemaking. 

“Are you okay?” Prong broke the silence first, still petting Wen’s hair. Wen nodded.

“Are you?” Wen asked from where he still had his head pressed under Prong’s chin. 

“I’m very okay.” Prong replied, his happiness causing tears to fall down his cheeks. 

Chapter Text

When they woke in the morning, Chay gave Kim a kiss on the cheek and walked to Pushing Daisies for some morning treats while leaving his boyfriend in bed to doze. Fern and Day gladly packed up the couple of muffins and donuts he ordered and gave him some coffee on the house. It was a beautiful day outside, maybe he and Kim could go out later and enjoy the sun.

Chay nodded to the woman at the front desk in Kim’s apartment building and then took the elevator upstairs.

When the elevator door opened, Chay could hear knocking. The only door on this floor belonged to Kim. Someone was trying to get into Kim’s apartment. Chay set the bags and drinks down on the ground and snuck around the hallway corner. 

A man in a suit was tapping his foot impatiently against the tiles and kept knocking. He was obviously angry and was muttering under his breath. 

“Can I help you?” Chay asked, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Yes, actually. I have an appointment at this apartment and the person inside isn’t answering. Are you able to contact him by chance?” The man turned and put on a fake smile. I know what you’re here for. 

“I could contact him, but I won’t. I know what you’re here for. Go away or regret your choices.” Chay planted his feet, setting his balance. 

“You must have the wrong idea. I was sent by someone who can pull a few strings here and there. I’m here to receive a gift, nothing more.” The man kept smiling like he wasn’t suggesting doing something horrific. 

“There is nothing here for you. This is your last warning. Leave before I make you.” Chay tilted his chin up, anger now flowing through his veins like lava. The man quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out a very small gun, raising it to point it at Chay with shaking hands. 

“Do not attack me. I’m armed.” The man tried to sound brave, but his voice shook more than his hands and sweat dripped from his hairline. Fucking disgusting. 

“I warned you.” Chay said. Then he attacked. 

He quickly pulled the gun from the man’s hand, tossing it down the hallway. He crouched down and swung his leg, knocking the man on his ass. The guy tried to fight back, raising his hands to try and grab at Chay but he was easily stopped. Chay flipped the man on his stomach and grabbed him by the back of the neck. Chay slammed his head into the floor twice, feeling the man go limp under him. He pulled his belt off and tightly secured the man’s hands behind his back before pulling his phone out and calling Prong.

“Hey, what’s-”

“I need you at Kim’s apartment. Someone sent a guy to collect from Kim and he needs to be brought to the underground.” Chay growled. He was not in a headspace to waste time on small talk. 

“On my way. I’ll bring Wen with me. Give us twenty minutes tops.” Chay pocketed his phone when Prong hung up. He stood from the floor and looked at the door behind him. Kim.

Chay unlocked the door and slowly opened it. Every light was off in the apartment and the curtains were closed. The place was pitch black. 

Someone grabbed Chay by the front of his shirt and pulled him inside before grabbing Chay by an arm and flipping him over the person’s body, landing on the floor hard. He felt something crack and winced but then the person was on him and he felt something sharp at his throat. 

“Kim, it’s me! It’s Chay!” He grabbed Kim’s forearm with both hands, stopping him from pushing the blade into his skin.

Chay could hear heavy breathing, the figure that straddled him was panting but not talking. 

“Kim. It’s Chay. Listen to me. Drop the knife. Release.” Chay kept his voice soft and slow. Kim didn’t drop the knife. 

“Hey, I know you can’t see me. In my pocket is my phone. You can use the flashlight to look at me.” Chay felt Kim’s free hand reach around and feel over his body, the other keeping the knife firmly pressed against his throat. Then his phone left his pocket and in seconds a light was blinding him. 

“ Ack ,” Chay squinted, “Hey. See? Just me. The guy is outside, unconscious and tied up. Prong and Wen are on their way. You’re safe. You can stop now.” Chay looked at Kim’s face in the eerie glow, he looked every bit the predator he was, and Chay definitely felt like trapped prey. 

“He, I,” Kim grit his teeth, “Not safe. Come with me.” Kim suddenly stood and turned off the light, pulling Chay up as the apartment was plunged back into darkness. 

Kim guided Chay through the apartment and to the bathroom. He turned on the flashlight again and went to the linen closet. He moved some towels aside and pulled out a couple of guns, tucking the kitchen knife between the back of his jeans and his belt. 

“Here. Just in case.” Kim handed Chay one of the hand guns before looking over his own.

“Kim, the guy isn’t going to get in. I made sure of that.” Chay tried to explain, hoping Kim wasn’t stuck in another dissociation attack. 

“ He won’t get in, but we don’t know if anyone will be sent after him. He could have people waiting for him and when he doesn’t arrive back on time, they’ll come looking. Follow me.” Before Chay could reply, Kim picked up the flashlight and left the bathroom. 

“Stand there, have my back. Be prepared for someone to come through the door and if they do, do not hesitate to shoot.” Kim set the phone down, aiming the flashlight at the ceiling to illuminate the room.

“Wait. Wen and Prong are coming. Make sure not to shoot them.” Chay raised his own gun after the warning.

“Got it.” Kim murmured, not looking away from the door. 

It was ten minutes of standing and waiting in silence before the door cracked open after a few beeps. 

“Friendlies entering. Don’t shoot.” A pair of hands appeared first, then Prong’s face. Kim let out a massive breath and dropped his gun. 

“Took you long enough. Where’s Wen?” Kim locked the gun and shoved it into his waistband. 

“He’s finishing up with making sure that guy won’t go anywhere. Give him a couple minutes and he’ll be here. Why the hell are you sitting in the dark?” Prong started looking around for a light switch, a small ah ha leaving his mouth when he found one. 

“I’ve got the place memorized, gives me an advantage if someone gets in.” Kim shrugged. Chay’s eyes went wide as he tucked away his own gun. 

“You memorized the apartment in the dark?” Chay’s voice was filled with shock but also a bit of awe. 

“Yes. I do best in familiar places in pitch black. Best upper hand.” Kim explained, turning to look at Chay.

“That’s so fucking cool.” Chay said. He was dating someone cooler than James Bond. Someone cooler than Jackie Chan. Someone even cooler than Indiana Jones. 

“Yeah, well. Opportunities arose where I needed to figure some stuff out to defend myself, figured out that navigating in the dark is a strong suit.” Kim shrugged before walking towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Chay jumped a bit, stopping himself from grabbing Kim. He winced when something in his side flared with a sharp pain. 

“To go kick that guy as hard as I can. In the dick. More than once.” Kim turned to look over his shoulder at his boyfriend. Chay was silent for a handful of seconds. 

“I’m coming with, I want a few of my own shots.”

_____

Wen was knelt down in the hallway and just finishing tying the guy up as Kim and Chay walked over. When he looked up he looked murderous. He held out a cellphone to Kim.

“The texts telling him to come here are pulled up. Not sure how they got your address but someone who was on your Pa’s lists sent him here, I checked already.” Wen handed the phone over to Kim and then pulled out his own phone to show how he’d easily tracked down the person who had sent the man. 

“Good work. Thanks Wen. Now for him.” Kim knelt down and poked the guy in the eye. No movement. 

“I must’ve beat his head on the ground harder than I thought.” Chay winced and rubbed the back of his neck. 

“That’s not an issue. He can feel it when he wakes up.” Kim said. He then lifted his fist and punched the man square in the nose. He easily broke the bridge of the guy’s nose, then punched him a few more times to break his eye sockets. He then stood and kicked him wherever he pleased with his steel toe boots. When he was satisfied, he shook his hair out of his eyes and waved Chay forward. 

“I don’t know who the fuck you are, but you and your friends are going to learn an important lesson about keeping your hands and dicks to yourselves.” Chay stomped on the man’s crotch a few times and then crushed his hands under his own boots before stepping back.

“You can take him now. Chay, follow me, please.” Kim walked back into the apartment and Chay followed silently.

“Thank you, Prong. You and Wen can take him to the underground now.” Kim said, dismissing the guard. Prong nodded and left without a word, the door locking automatically behind him.

“Kim-”

“Shh. Don’t talk right now. Just follow me.” Kim held up a hand and silenced Chay. He walked away and Chay followed him through the now lit apartment. 

Chapter Text

Kim brought them to the bathroom. After shutting and locking the door, he turned and held out a hand.

“Gun, please.” Chay handed it over and watched as Kim set it on the bathroom counter with his own gun and the kitchen knife.

“Take off your clothes. We’re taking a shower.” Kim said, reaching for his own belt. Together they stripped, keeping their eyes turned away from each other’s bodies. 

When they got in the shower, Kim kept his back to Chay. He took a few moments under the water before speaking.

“I’m going to wash you if you’re alright with it and I’d like you to keep your eyes closed.” Kim said while still facing the wall. 

“Yeah, sure. Just move me where you want me.” Chay replied. He closed his eyes, trusting Kim completely. 

Chay was moved under the water, wetting his hair and body. Slowly, Kim washed him. He scrubbed his hair, tilting Chay’s head back so no shampoo would run down his face. He washed his torso and arms. Kim avoided looking between Chay’s legs but washed his legs and feet as well. He used the handheld shower head to rinse the soap from Chay’s body and then took a deep shaky breath.

“Okay, I’m done. You can open your eyes now.” When Chay opened his eyes, Kim was facing the wall again, keeping some of his body private.

“Is it okay if I wash your hair and the back of you?” Chay watched as Kim hugged himself and then his shoulders slowly relaxed. 

“Okay.”

“Say red at any time and I will stop.” Chay said, recieving a nod. He used the detachable shower head to rewet Kim’s hair, tipping his head back just like Kim had done for him. He put some shampoo in his hands and carefully washed Kim’s hair, using his fingers to undo a few tangles. He then put some body wash in his palms and began at Kim’s shoulders. He slowly made his way down his boyfriend’s body, avoiding his ass. When he stood back up straight, he set his soapy hands on Kim’s hips. 

“I’m so proud of you, you know. You didn’t lose control. You kept yourself safe. You kept me safe. Wen and Prong were never in any danger. I’m also proud of you for breaking that guy’s face. You’re amazing, Kim.” Chay murmured, letting Kim take his time with his words. Then Kim’s shoulders began to shake. 

“ I was so scared.” Kim whispered as he finally let the emotional dam inside him break apart.

“I know you were. That’s okay. It was really scary.” Chay kept holding Kim’s hips, letting him feel that he wasn’t alone.

“I was going to shoot myself if I couldn’t win.” Kim quietly admitted through his tears. Chay forced himself to not flinch. 

“I understand. I really do.” Chay did understand. Death would be much kinder than what could have happened.

“Thank you. Thank you for being there. Thank you for taking care of him and for helping me.” Kim sniffled and raised a hand to wipe at his eyes.

“I will always be here for you. If someone tries to hurt you or does hurt you, I will not let them get away with it. I love you, Kim. So much.” Chay kissed Kim’s shoulder. 

“I’d like to get out and dry off now.”

“Of course, love.”

_____

Later in bed, Kim made a decision. 

“I’m going to show you something because I think it’s important for you to know about.” Kim said, his tone indicating that he was sure of his choice. 

“Okay.” Chay set his book aside.

Kim sat up and turned to face Chay, crossing his legs. He then took a deep breath and pulled his shirt off, letting his boyfriend look at him with no distractions. Chay almost began to cry. 

There were seven scars on Kim’s sides. Four on one side, three on the other. They were somewhat faded but still an obvious reminder that something horrible had happened to Kim. Chay looked up and Kim was watching him with a blank face. 

“They’re stab wounds. Happened when I was kidnapped eight years ago by people my father sent to my old music studio.” Kim explained, his eyes now watching Chay carefully. A tear rolled down his boyfriend’s cheek as he looked back down at the scars.

“Why? Why did they do that?” Chay’s voice wobbled as he struggled to keep his hands to himself, wanting to hug Kim and reassure him that he would never let that happen to him again. 

“At first they just came to receive a payment . Then they must have thought my father loved me enough to pay a ransom. When they realized that my father was plotting against them a few days later instead of paying up, they turned on me. They thought I knew things about whatever my father had been planning. I didn’t. They escalated the torture until they gave me these.” Kim looked down and ran a finger over one of the scars.

“Kim…” Chay didn’t know what to say as more tears fell down his cheeks. 

“It’s why I would rather shoot myself than be taken again. I can handle assault. I can sort of handle rape. But that torture almost left me permanently catatonic. I never want to go through that again.” Kim looked up and Chay nodded. Kim watched his boyfriend’s fingers twitch.

“You can touch me if you want to. It’s okay.” Kim said, giving Chay his consent.

Carefully, Chay reached out. He lightly ran a finger over the worst scar, his breath catching in his throat. He traced each scar more than once while Kim quietly watched him. 

Chay then silently guided Kim to lie down. He didn’t straddle Kim, didn’t hover over him. Instead he laid at his side and then leaned down. He began covering the scars in kisses. Apologies covering pain he didn’t cause. Kim covered his face with his hands as he felt his eyes begin to burn. 

“You didn’t deserve any of the awful things in your past,” More kisses, “You are so brave, so strong. You can let yourself set those two things down though. When you’re around me, you don’t have to force yourself to hold on. You can let go of being brave and strong.” Chay said before kissing more comfort into Kim’s skin. Then hands were softly grabbing him and pulling him up.

Kim kissed him. He poured his hurt and sorrow and sadness into his kisses. He used them to tell Chay he was so grateful and that he loved him. More kisses told Chay that Kim was letting down more walls. 

“Thank you. I love you so much, Chay.” Kim said quietly when he pulled back to look into Chay’s eyes. His own swam with so many emotions that Chay couldn’t sort them all out. 

“I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.” Chay said before leaning down to kiss Kim’s forehead, his eyelids, his nose, his cheeks, his chin. Then he kissed Kim’s lips again. The sheets rustled as Kim opened his legs a small bit in a silent invitation.

“You’re sure?” Chay asked, not moving yet.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I need this. Need you. ” Kim said, holding Chay’s face so gently. Chay nodded and carefully climbed between Kim’s legs, settling into his boyfriend’s embrace. 

Chapter Text

“Can you take your shirt off too?” Kim asked, touching Chay’s chest over the cotton. Chay nodded and sat up, pulling his shirt over his head, exposing his muscled torso. 

Kim just looked for a bit before reaching forward bravely while propping himself up on one elbow. Just before he touched Chay’s skin, his hand paused and his eyes looked up to meet Chay’s gaze. 

“It’s okay, you can touch me.” Chay gently took Kim by the wrist and placed his hand flat against his chest. Kim sighed at the warmth that soaked into his skin. Real. Alive. Comfort. Safe. 

Kim let his hand drift. He explored the skin in front of him for the first time, in love with the warmth and how soft it was. He then looked up at Chay and licked his lips.

“Is it okay if I touch you?” Chay asked, sitting down and crossing his legs, draping Kim’s legs over each of his thighs. 

“Yeah. Go ahead.” Kim set his hands down at his sides and laid back on the pillows. Chay had already been touching him but to be asked again felt relieving. Kim let out a shaky sigh as he realized that this was what it was like to have his consent sought after and valued.

Chay didn’t focus on Kim’s scars this time when he touched him. He ran his hands over everything he could reach, watching Kim for any negative reaction. Kim relaxed into the pillows and closed his eyes, looking like a content cat. This feels nice.

Chay slowly moved his hands closer to Kim’s chest, mindful of the intimacy of the area. Kim stayed relaxed though, seeming to enjoy the petting. Chay decided to cup one of Kim’s pecs. 

“This okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

Chay squeezed a bit, prepared to pull back, but Kim stayed relaxed and even sighed lightly. He moved his other hand to hold Kim’s other pec and smiled a bit when he received another small sigh and watched the tension from earlier finally release its grip on Kim’s body. 

“Is it okay if I touch your nipples?” Chay paused his movements but was shocked when Kim nodded and said ‘ sure’ . 

Chay brushed a thumb over one nipple, watching as Kim’s eyebrows twitched. He then rubbed lightly over both, getting the same reaction.

“Still okay?”

“Yeah, I just don’t feel much.” Kim admitted. 

Chay put a bit more pressure into his next touches and Kim’s eyes opened.

“Oh.”

“Good oh or bad oh?” Chay checked in and stopped moving.

“Not bad but not good? It feels nice because your hands are warm but not much else.” Kim explained.

“Can I try my mouth?” Kim looked at Chay with wide eyes.

“That’s a thing?”

“Yeah. Some people don’t feel much with fingers but do with mouths. For others it’s the other way around. Some feel nothing both ways.” Chay explained patiently. 

“I’m okay with trying. This is relaxing, honestly. Feeling your hands is soothing.” Kim said while he wiggled a bit to get more comfortable and then shut his eyes again. Chay smiled to himself at the unfiltered admission from his boyfriend. 

“Okay, I’m going to do it now.” Chay warned. When Kim nodded, he leaned forward and gently placed his lips over Kim’s nipple. He ran his tongue over it and Kim twitched. 

“You weren’t kidding about feeling more.” Kim said, voice a bit tense. Chay lifted up a couple of inches with a smirk on his face. 

“Good? Or do you want me to stop?” Chay asked, already knowing the answer but still wanting to check in. 

“Keep going, it’s good.” Kim said, bringing a hand up to lightly pet the back of Chay’s head. Chay leaned back down, happily sucking Kim’s nipple back into his mouth. 

It was only a couple of minutes later when Chay noticed that Kim’s legs were starting to squirm where they still lay over his own thighs. 

“Do you want to stop or keep going?” Chay asked, rubbing a hand softly over Kim’s side. 

“I,” Kim paused, taking a moment to think it over, “I want to keep going, just need it to stay gentle and quiet though.” Kim replied, his eyes still closed and thankfully his body and mind stayed relaxed. 

“Okay, can you tell me what you want to do? What’s the goal right now?” Chay rubbed his thumb over the nipple that he hadn’t been giving attention to. 

“I, um, I liked when we rubbed together that other time. I want you on top this time though. I want to,” Kim blushed, embarrassed to say these things out loud, “I’m okay with the goal being both of us finishing.” His voice was quiet, shyness not letting him speak loudly.

“We can do that. Thank you for telling me. Do you remember our colors?” Chay now used a thumb on each of Kim’s nipples, keeping them just stimulated enough to keep them more sensitive. 

“I do.” Kim said, putting his elbow over his eyes. Somehow he could stay more relaxed with his eyes closed and covered, the pressure from the weight of his arm felt grounding. 

“Okay, good.” Chay leaned back down to continue using his mouth on Kim’s chest. He slowly uncrossed his legs and laid over Kim, pressing their pelvises together. Kim sucked in a breath through his nose at the pressure. 

Both of them were already half hard and quickly filled out as Chay moved himself against Kim. Kim kept his arm over his eyes and his other hand loosely in Chay’s hair, giving control over to his boyfriend. 

Chay focused on Kim, doing everything he could to have him finish first. He found that Kim’s other nipple was more sensitive, a small gasp reaching his ears when he ran his tongue over it.

“Chay, I can’t.” Kim said, a slight whine in his voice. 

“Can’t what, phi ?” Chay asked while a small smirk, sitting up to look at the man under him. Kim dropped his arm from his eyes to look at him.

“It’s not enough. I don’t know why.” Kim continued to pout. He was flushed and obviously turned on, but he just couldn’t reach his climax. 

“Can I try something? It’s like what I’ve been doing but against your ass.” Chay explained while trying to catch his breath a bit. Kim chewed his lower lip.

“If I say red we stop?”

“You say red and everything stops immediately.” Chay reassured. 

“Then I want to try.” Kim’s eyes flicked away from Chay’s face with a bit of embarrassment. 

Chay moved to slowly hook his elbows under Kim’s knees. He gently lifted Kim’s legs to expose his clothed ass. Kim bit his bottom lip again but didn’t say a color so Chay continued. 

Chay carefully pressed his clothed erection against Kim’s ass and Kim reached out to set his hands on Chay’s biceps. When Kim nodded, Chay lightly thrusted. 

Kim closed his eyes and let himself focus on relaxing. He let Chay hold the weight of his legs and he let his head drop against the pillows again. Then a wet sensation covered his nipple and he gasped.

Chay pressed his pelvis against him a bit harder and adjusted their bodies so his lower belly rubbed over Kim’s cock. Finally, Kim quietly moaned.

A hand landed in Chay’s hair again while Kim’s other hand still held onto his arm. 

“Harder.” Kim said with a slight gasp. Chay immediately followed the instruction and was rewarded with a whimper. Then Kim was reaching down.

Kim put his hand down the front of his pants and began to stroke himself. Chay didn’t comment on it, afraid to scare his boyfriend away from helping himself in front of him. 

It only took a few more minutes for Kim to start gasping loudly and for the hand in Chay’s hair to tighten. 

“Chay, I’m-” Kim couldn’t finish his warning, his body slightly twitching. 

“It’s okay. Cum whenever you want.” Chay said a bit breathlessly before going back to using his mouth. 

Kim’s head pressed back into the pillows, exposing his throat as his jaw clenched. Chay couldn’t help himself. He leaned up and began to suck at Kim’s throat, not caring if he left marks since he knew Kim loved them. 

Kim suddenly locked up under Chay and the breathy moans that escaped him were beautiful. Chay kept thrusting as Kim came, keeping the stimulation going until Kim pulled his hand from his pants. Chay then pulled back, carefully setting Kim’s legs down. He leaned forward to move a bit of hair away from his boyfriend’s eyes as Kim took some time to catch his breath.

“Doing okay? Good experience?” Chay waited patiently for Kim to open his eyes and find his words. 

“Liked it a lot. I’m okay. What about you?” Kim lifted his head and looked at the very obvious bulge in Chay’s sweatpants.

“Oh. Don’t worry about that. I can just go to the bathroom-”

“I don’t want you to,” Kim interrupted, “Want you to do it here if you’re comfortable. Want you. ” Kim was still a little breathless and his eyes were wide as they looked up at Chay.

“I’m okay with that.” Chay replied with a smirk. He carefully moved from between Kim’s legs to lie beside him instead. Kim watched his boyfriend’s face as Chay reached down the front of his pants and grasped himself. He loved how Chay’s eyebrows pinched together when something felt good.

Chay licked his lips as he breathed a bit harder, letting his head fall back into the pillows as he began to stroke himself. Kim set a hand on Chay’s lower stomach, feeling the muscles there just like Chay had shown him. Then he was leaning in and sucking at Chay’s throat.

“Returning the favor.” Kim whispered before sucking a hickey into the same area that Chay had left one on him. Chay couldn’t help how he moaned at the sensation of Kim marking him, loving the possessive action. 

It didn’t take much longer for Chay to cum. Kim smiled a bit against his neck as he felt the muscles flutter in Chay’s stomach. Once Chay had begun to catch his breath, Kim sat up and pecked a kiss on Chay’s nose. 

“I’ll go grab some underwear and warm washcloths. Thank you, I needed this .” He whispered the last sentence in Chay’s ear before he leaned down and kissed Chay lightly on the lips. Kim left the bed and went to the bathroom, leaving his boyfriend on the bed with a smile on his face and a darkening blush covering his cheeks.  

Chapter Text

Chay woke up from his nap with Kim with a small groan. A deep pain in his back pinched every time he moved or breathed too deeply. Kim was still asleep and cuddled up against his side, effectively nap trapping him. I’ll hold out. Let him rest. It’s okay.

He must have tensed up because Kim hummed and opened his eyes. 

“You okay?” Kim looked up at Chay’s face and frowned slightly. 

“I’m not sure. I’ve got pain in my back.” Chay admitted, his jaw clenched. 

“Let me look. Turn over.”

With help from Kim and a few pained noises, Chay was on his belly and Kim was lifting the back of his shirt up to expose his skin. 

“Woah. Okay, you need to go see the doctor. I’ll help you.” Kim was already carefully climbing off the bed, leaving a confused Chay behind. 

“What’s wrong?” Chay asked, turning his head to watch Kim walk to the closet. 

“You’ve got a big bruise and some swelling. It looks like how I looked when my ribs…” Kim trailed off, pausing his walking. He took a deep breath, tapping his fingers on his thigh. One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three four-

“Remember where you are, Kim,” A familiar voice broke through the anxiety, “You’re with Chay and you’re only remembering things. You aren’t there anymore.” Chay wanted to get up so desperately but couldn’t move on his own. 

“I’m okay. I’m okay.” Kim whispered, trying to soothe himself and get the flashback to pass. 

“You’re right, you’re okay now. You’re safe now. Deep breaths.” Chay encouraged from where he was lying on the bed. Kim did some of his square breathing, relaxing his shoulders and jaw. Then it passed. 

“I’m good. I’m gonna get some shoes for us and a coat for you.” Kim walked into the closet to grab things. Chay noticed he was shivering, a cold sweat covering his skin. Probably just the pain. 

Kim brought everything back and then he was at Chay’s side. Carefully, Chay turned onto his back and Kim helped him to sit up on the edge of the bed. Chay was doing everything he could to not throw up from how bad it hurt. 

Kim put his own shoes on and then Chay’s. He knelt down to tie the laces and Chay felt an odd warmth in his chest. Then Kim was helping him to slowly put the jacket on. It hurt like a fucking bitch. 

The walk down to the car was a slow one. Kim had an arm around Chay’s waist and held him lightly, keeping his arm at the ready to catch Chay if he stumbled or fell. 

The car ride was hell. Every tiny bump hurt and Chay had to pinch his eyes closed and clench his fists on his lap. Kim tried so hard to make the ride smooth but the damn roads were making it impossible. 

Getting out of the car once they reached the compound was a mission and a half. Chay had to wrap his arms around Kim’s neck and let his boyfriend lift him out of the car and onto his feet. Chay couldn’t help the few sounds he made as his back flared. 

They made their way inside, Kim still ready to catch Chay. A bead of sweat ran down Chay’s temple as he shivered. 

When they got to the medical wing, a nurse immediately brought them to a private room and watched as Kim got Chay settled on the bed. 

“I’ll go get the doctor. Please wait here.” She said before leaving the room. Kim pulled a chair over to Chay’s bed and silently held his hand. 

When the doctor came in he smiled at Kim.

“Hey, long time no see, Kim. I heard you’ve got some back pain, Chay?” The doctor walked over and pressed his stethoscope to Chay’s chest. 

“Yeah. Honestly some of the worst pain I’ve had.” Chay said through his gritted teeth. The doctor carefully sat him up and then lifted his shirt. The low whistle gave away that it was a nasty wound. 

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve got a couple fractured ribs. This bruise is a nasty one. When were you hit?” The doctor lowered Chay’s shirt and helped him to lie back again. 

“Hit? No one is hitting me.” Chay was confused. His hia never beat him and neither did their parents. 

“You look like you were in a fight recently. Very recently. This looks like blunt force trauma.” The doctor explained, then Kim gasped.

“I flipped him and threw him on the ground last night. There was an intruder and when Chay came through the door I flipped him over my back and he hit the tiles in my apartment.” Kim had a far away look in his eyes, tears trying to fall down his cheeks. 

“Ah, yes. That’ll do it. Sounds like you’ve still got those top notch fighting skills.” The doctor said, trying to lighten the mood. 

“Kim, it’s okay. You were protecting yourself.” Chay said, remembering now that he’d felt something crack when Kim had thrown him down. 

“Yeah.” Kim whispered. 

“I’ll go get the imaging tech to come take some X-rays. I’ll be back in a little bit with them.” The doctor walked around the bed and patted Kim’s shoulder before leaving, closing the door softly on his way out. 

“I’m so sorry.” Kim couldn’t look Chay in the eyes.

“Kim, I’m not mad. I’m not upset in any way. It was an accident.” Chay squeezed his boyfriend’s hand, trying to reassure him. 

“I broke you.” A tear slid down Kim’s cheek, his voice sounding so distraught. 

“Yeah, you did. I’m glad you did. It shows that you can fight and protect yourself. I’m not upset, Kim.” Chay tried to touch his boyfriend’s cheek to wipe away the tear but the man pulled away. 

“I did something bad. I hurt you.” Kim still couldn’t look up and now his leg was bouncing to a five beat rhythm. 

“Kim. Defending yourself is never bad. You were protecting yourself and I’m proud of you. Sure, I’m hurt, but that doesn’t mean you did something bad.” Chay frowned when Kim shook his head. 

“I’m supposed to be in control. I should have controlled myself.” 

“Kim. You were in control. You stopped when you saw it was me, remember? Also, did you hurt me on purpose?” Chay was startled a bit when Kim’s head whipped up and his eyes looked almost manic. 

“Of course not! I would never hurt you on purpose, I promise!” Kim was breathing heavily. He’s scared, help him. 

“Then you know it was an accident. Accidents happen to everyone, babe. I will never be upset with you because of an accident. I need you to understand that I am not upset with you and that I do not blame you,” Kim tried to look down again but Chay lifted his head by his chin, “Do you understand?” Kim’s eyes filled with fat tears and they dropped down his cheeks. 

“It was an accident. You’re not mad or upset.”

“Yes, Kim. It was an accident. I’m not mad or upset.” Chay kept holding Kim’s head up by the chin, not letting him hide. 

Then Kim was carefully leaning in for a hug that Chay gladly reciprocated. Kim focused on breathing while murmuring to himself.

“Accidents happen. Chay won’t be mad at you because of accidents. Accidents happen…” Just as Kim managed to begin to relax, a soft knock came from the door. Kim pulled himself from Chay’s hug and quickly wiped his eyes. 

“Imaging tech, may I come in?” A voice called after the door was cracked open. 

“Yeah, come in.” Chay called. 

A woman with a huge machine on wheels walked in and asked Kim to stand in the hall for his safety. With a quick look at Chay and a nod of encouragement, Kim went into the hallway. 

“I need to ask this, please don’t take this the wrong way. Is he beating you?” The tech glanced at Chay as she got the machine ready. 

“He’s not. Someone was trying to break into his apartment and he got scared when I opened the door. You know he’s trained to fight. His training kicked in and he flipped me. I landed on my back really hard and felt a crack. It was all an accident from significant stress and fear.” Chay explained. The tech nodded and sighed. 

“I figured it was an accident. Kim has never seemed to be the type to beat up a person for no reason. Okay, let’s get these pictures done.” The nurse smiled and she and Chay worked together to get the X-rays completed. 

“How long will the results take?” Chay asked as he grit his teeth and adjusted himself on the bed. 

“I’d say you should have your results in less than an hour. We’ve got two other people needing their scans examined first.” The tech replied as she got the machine ready to be rolled out of the room. 

“Okay, thank you.” Chay said with a smile. The tech left the room and let Kim know he was okay to reenter. 

“Are you okay? Did they get everything they needed?” Kim pulled the chair back over and immediately grabbed Chay’s hand. 

“I’m okay. Results will come in an hour or so.” Chay lifted Kim’s hand and kissed the back of it. 

“You know, the tech said she knew it had to be an accident. She said you’ve never seemed to be the type to hurt someone without a reason. Everyone trusts that it was an accident.” Chay rubbed his thumb over the back of Kim’s hand. 

“They know I didn’t mean to?” 

“Yes, babe. They know it was an accident.” Chay kissed Kim’s hand again. Kim let himself cry a bit more. 

_____

As expected, a little over an hour later, the doctor came back with papers in his hand. 

“You’ve definitely got fractures. Here, here, and here,” The doctor pointed to three different spots on Chay’s ribcage, “I’m going to give you a soft brace to help hold you steady and it should relieve some pain, make sure not to wrap it too tightly though. If you struggle to breathe with it on, you’ve wrapped it too tight. I’m also going to give you a limited amount of painkillers and muscle relaxers.” The doctor pulled two bottles from his pocket and handed them to Chay. 

“How long should healing take?” Chay asked as he took the bottles and looked them over. 

“On average, six weeks. These are pretty mild so I’d say six weeks for sure will do the trick. I do need to say this despite it likely being embarrassing, but you cannot participate in anything strenuous if you are being intimate until those heal. You also cannot be lifting anything over a few pounds, and please, try to move carefully. Twisting and bending too much can cause the healing time to lengthen.” The doctor watched as both Chay and Kim blushed. 

“Any other instructions I should know about?” Chay asked, clearing his throat to try to mask his embarrassment. 

“Ice will be your best friend. Don’t put it on your bare skin and be mindful of how long you leave it on. Icing instructions are in this packet along with directions about the medications and the brace I will grab for you. Just stay right there and I’ll be back.” The doctor handed over the papers and walked out. Kim took the papers from Chay and immediately began reading them. 

“How are you feeling? Anything you want to talk about?” Chay watched as Kim soaked up the information on the pages in front of him. 

“No, I just want to read this to make sure I’ll be helping you the right way.” Kim didn’t lift his eyes from the information in front of him. 

“Okay. If you end up with questions, let me know so we can figure it out together.” Chay said, reaching up to pet Kim’s hair. 

When the doctor came back, he had a brace in his hand and a nurse following him. The nurse passed Chay two pills, pain medicine and a muscle relaxer, and a small cup of water. Once Chay had swallowed the pills, the doctor walked over with the brace. 

“Can I film you putting that on? I want to have instructions on it so I can help him.” Kim asked, his phone already in his hand.

“Sure thing, so…”

_____

As Chay and Kim left the medical wing, both men were quiet. It wasn’t awkward, they were both just tired. 

When they got back to his suite, Chay was almost falling asleep from his medications. Kim guided him through the suite and to the bed, helping him to lie down.

Kim removed Chay’s shoes and socks, then also took Chay’s pants off. He moved pillows to where Chay needed them without single complaint. 

“Come lie down with me. That was a lot of stress and we both should rest.” Chay carefully held his arm up, opening up a spot for Kim to come cuddle. It took some maneuvering but eventually they found a comfortable way to lie with each other. 

“I’m really sorry.” Kim whispered, trying to not disturb the careful bubble they’d created. 

“Kim, it was an accident. You don’t need to apologize.” Chay’s eyes were closed, the drowsiness from his medications trying to drag him to sleep.

“I know it was an accident, but I still need to apologize. I’m so sorry for hurting you.” Kim sniffled as his throat and eyes burned a bit. 

“Well, I accept your apology even though it isn’t needed. Let’s take a nap, okay?” Chay kissed the palm of his own hand and then pressed it to Kim’s cheek since he couldn’t bend to kiss Kim directly. 

Chapter Text

Over the next two days, Kim researched how to make homemade ice packs for Chay, insisted on helping Chay shower so he would stop wincing every time he tried to wash his hair, cooked some easy food and ordered in for them, and other things like helping Chay get his shirts on. 

If there was something Kim refused to do, it was to be a bad nurse. 

“I swear to God, Chay. If you try to lift the milk again I will let it spoil and then make you bathe in it.” Kim scolded when he caught Chay in the kitchen trying to lift a gallon of milk again.

“I just want cereal.” Chay pouted, stepping away from the refrigerator. 

“Then you ask me. I’m perfectly capable of helping you and you are perfectly capable of using your words. Scooch.” Kim gently moved Chay by grabbing his hips and guiding his sulking boyfriend out of the way. Kim grabbed the milk and then opened the cupboard, waiting for Chay to say which cereal he wanted. 

“The chocolate one, please.” Chay said, scuffing his socked foot on the floor. Kim got the bowl of cereal put together and kissed Chay on the cheek. 

“I’m not trying to treat you like you’re incapable of things. You are injured and someone needs to stop you so you can heal as quickly as possible. I know you are capable, but you also are allowed to have help. You don’t have to do things alone again, okay? You aren’t alone this time.” Kim didn’t say anything when Chay sniffled, instead using his own sleeve cuff to dry the couple of tears that escaped Chay’s eyes. 

“Thank you.” Chay whispered. 

“Of course. Now, go eat this before it gets soggy. And no, you may not eat it anywhere other than at the table. You spilled on the couch once already and that was a nightmare to clean.” Kim chuckled as he passed the bowl to Chay, glad to see the younger man smile softly.  

_____

They’d fallen asleep in bed while watching some baking show. It was all people who couldn’t cook or bake to save their lives and both Kim and Chay loved to yell at the television like the contestants could hear them.

“Of course a cake needs eggs!”

“How in the hell do you forget that cinnamon goes in cinnamon rolls?!”

“What do you mean you put that bread in at five hundred to cook it faster?” 

It was a bonding experience as well as an exercise in letting out the frustration of the day in a healthy way. After they had gotten their need to yell out of their systems, they were exhausted. That’s when they would watch a British baking show and fall asleep to it. 

What didn’t happen almost every night was Chay having a night terror. 

He could smell the gasoline, he could feel the rough ropes scraping his skin. He tried to pull himself free but the ropes around his waist were just so tight. He was back in the warehouse with people laughing at him as he tried to squirm. Then they were walking towards him with the cloth covered in chemicals to knock him out. The ropes around his waist tightened, they snaked up his chest to wrap around his throat and he tried to scream-

“Chay. Chay, you need to wake up now. Come on, wake up for me. Kim is here. You’re alright.” A soft voice broke through the fear and a hand was softly patting Chay’s cheek. 

“Open your eyes for me, Chay. Whatever you’re dreaming about is either over or not real. Come on, let me see those eyes.” Kim kept patting Chay’s cheek and coaxing him awake. 

Then Chay panicked. 

He began to claw at his throat, so sure that the ropes were still there. He had to get them off. They were around his torso, he could feel them squeezing. He had to get them off before the men came back. He couldn’t stay here.

“No. Chay, no. Stop.” Kim covered Chay’s bare throat with his own hand, keeping Chay from ripping his neck open. He lightly gripped Chay’s neck when the younger man tried to pull his hand away and clawed at it. He grit his teeth as Chay’s nails ripped at his skin, drawing tiny bits of blood.  

“Chay. You need to open your eyes. I need you to look at me. You can do it, I know you can.” Kim stroked Chay’s hair and that was what made Chay open his eyes. No one at the warehouse had pet him. They hadn’t tried to soothe him with their hands. 

Chay gasped and his eyes flew open. Save me. Please. 

“Chay. Hey, baby. Kim is here. Good job looking at me. You feel my hand? It’s warm and gentle and it’s protecting your skin, okay?” Kim kept petting Chay’s hair with his spare hand until his boyfriend began to try to pull at the wrap around his chest. 

“Get them off. No ropes. I have to get out.” Chay was back to complete panic. Kim pulled Chay’s shirt up and shoved his spare hand inside the wrap. 

“Pay attention to my hands. There are no ropes. There are my hands on you and a wrap around you to help your body heal. You have broken ribs. Try to remember. Try to breathe. Remember to smell the flowers and blow out the candles.” Kim began to model the breathing skill he’d learned, not only for Chay but to calm himself. 

Chay clung to the wrist of the hand under his torso wrap as he tried to remember where he was. Finally, he seemed to recognize Kim and tried to breathe. 

“Deep breaths. You’re safe with Kim. No ropes.” Kim kept breathing deeply and slowly, Chay finally trying to follow along. It took a while but eventually Chay could finally fucking breathe and he recognized where he was. 

“I’m with Kim. We’re in my suite at the compound. I’m safe. I’m not at the warehouse. It’s over. I’m okay.” Chay started to ground himself and reassure his mind that there was no danger. Kim silently supported him, keeping his hand under the wrap for Chay to feel while still keeping his own breaths slow and even. 

“I was dreaming that I was at the warehouse. I thought I was still tied to that drum of gasoline.” Chay couldn’t stop the tears that fell, the emotional release was sudden and strong. 

“You’re not there anymore. You’re right here in your suite with me.” Kim kissed the top of Chay’s head and blinked back his own tears. 

“Before I could even try to get out or yell for help, they knocked me out. I thought I was gonna die there. I don’t even know how I got out. All I remember was waking up in the back of an ambulance.” Chay moved Kim’s hand from where it had begun petting his hair, down to his cheek. He nuzzled into the warmth, taking comfort in the sensation of someone real holding him. 

“I never told you this, but I got you out. I left you in a safe spot where you could be found and then I left. I don’t know if that helps you to know or not.” Kim admitted, Chay stared at him silently for a bit before talking.

“I was so scared, phi. I was going to fight my way out or die trying, but I was so scared. It was awful.” Chay’s face crumpled and Kim tucked him against his chest. 

“Even at seventeen you were prepared to fight your way out of that mess or die trying. You’re amazing, Chay. It never should have happened, though. What they did to you was cruel and torturous and you didn’t deserve a single second of it.” Kim felt tears finally fall down his cheeks as he held his trembling boyfriend. 

“I didn’t know you were the one who got me out. No one ever told me that you were there, I’m really glad you were. Why didn’t you tell me?” Chay looked at Kim with wet eyes. 

“I didn’t let anyone see me and I never told anyone that I’d been there for a reason. I didn’t do it for attention or a pat on the back and I didn’t want you to feel pressured to let me back into your life. I didn’t want you to feel like you owed me anything. I did it to keep you as safe as I could without disrespecting the boundary you’d set. Keeping you safe was my top priority then and still is now. I’m going to be that man for you again, Chay. I promise. I’ll always keep you safe.” Kim stroked his thumb over Chay’s cheekbone, his other hand rising and falling as his boyfriend breathed. 

“I trust you.” Chay croaked around the lump in his throat, his voice wobbling again. 

“I love you, Chay. So much.” Kim leaned forward and kissed his boyfriend’s forehead. 

Kim held Chay for the first time that night. Together, they carefully worked to get Chay’s body properly supported. The younger man insisted on laying under Kim’s arm while resting his head on his chest. He needed to hear Kim’s heartbeat to reassure himself that they were both real and okay. 

“I’ve got you, Chay. You’re safe. It’s all over and it’s in the past.” Kim whispered before kissing the top of Chay’s head one last time before they fell asleep again. 

Chapter Text

“You’re sure about this? We can stay in and you can rest, no one will be upset if you do. Well, Khun might be a little dramatic but he’ll be fine.” Kim was standing next to Chay at their bathroom counter, watching as his boyfriend carefully put on deodorant. 

“I’m okay, phi. I can manage dinner, I’ll just have to make sure hia doesn't squeeze me.” Chay capped the deodorant and turned to Kim with a smile. Kim took a deep breath and began to mentally prepare.

“You promise to tell me if you need to come back?” Kim played with his own fingers, doing his best not to lift his thumb to his mouth to chew on it. 

“I promise. If I feel even the slightest bit like things are getting to be too much, I’ll tell you and we can come back and watch movies.” Chay responded, voice serious despite how he grinned. 

“Okay.”

_____

When they entered the dining room, Porsche was out of his chair and walking over quickly. The rest of the chairs were empty. No witnesses. 

“I haven’t seen you in days! You’ll have to tell me what you’ve both been up-”

Kim quickly stepped in front of Chay and held out his hand to keep Porsche back. His hand shook and he couldn’t look Porsche in the eye, but he stood firm to protect Chay from being hugged. Chay’s eyes went wide with shock. 

“Kim. I know you love him but he’s my brother. Don’t hog him.” Porsche tried to joke while sassily crossing his arms over his chest. When Kim didn’t move his smile faltered. 

“He can’t be hugged tightly right now. He’s injured.” Kim said, still staring at the floor. One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four, five. 

“Injured? What happened? Why didn’t either of you tell me?” Porsche felt worry twist in his chest. 

“It was an accident, hia. Please don’t get too upset.” Chay said from behind Kim who had now lowered his hand, not wanting to be grabbed by it and flung if Porsche decided to fight him. 

“An accident? Who did it? I swear if it was Doug I’ll-”

“It was me. I’m very sorry.” Kim ducked his head in a tiny bow. Don’t lean down too far. Protect your neck. 

“You? What do you mean you hurt him?” Kim trembled but still refused to move back or away from Porsche. Keep Chay safe. Take responsibility. 

“Someone came to my apartment. I was home alone because Chay had gone out to pick up breakfast. I was inside, ready to fight off the person if they broke in. Chay knocked him out in the hallway but when he came inside, I didn’t know it was him. I had the lights off so I couldn’t see his face. I flipped him onto the floor and broke his ribs. I’m very sorry.” Kim felt a little dizzy. One, two, three, four, five. 

“Sounds like it was a rough day for you. Are you okay?” Porsche took a deep breath. It was an accident. Stay calm. He didn’t mean to and he is not a threat. 

“I apolog- what?” Kim lifted his head and blinked, still avoiding eye contact while also very confused at being asked if he was alright. 

“That sounds like it was really scary. Are you okay?” Porsche tilted his head a little, trying to make his posture more relaxed. 

“I, uh, yes. I am uninjured. I’m very sorry for breaking your brother.” Kim felt a hand softly rest on his lower back and he took a deep breath. 

“Your apology is accepted. Accidents happen, Kim. I would like to hug Chay, though. I’ll be gentle, I promise.” Porsche smiled and Kim took a handful of seconds to stare at him before stepping aside. 

“Hey, hia.” Chay kept one hand on Kim’s back while he used his other arm to carefully hug his brother. 

“Hey, kid. Sounds like you got your ass kicked.” Porsche chuckled and Chay swatted his shoulder. 

“He had every light in the apartment shut off and the blackout curtains were closed! He was in there like some sort of cave spider waiting to attack!” Chay tried to defend himself but he was smiling lightly. Kim just stared, bewildered. Why am I not in trouble? Is he waiting for the others to get here to punish me? 

“I don’t know what you expected, dude. He’s a freaking hell bat and you thought he would like lights?” Porsche cackled and tapped Chay’s shoulder with his fist before waving the couple over to the dinner table. Chay laughed while shaking his head, taking Kim’s hand in his to lead him to their seats. 

Kim was silent. He had been expecting shouting, swearing, threatening, even a fist to the face. He didn’t know how to process this. He hasn’t even tried to hit me. Maybe he’s saving it for later? I know Pa didn’t like to hit at the table…

“Kim?”

“Hmm?” Kim turned quickly when Chay called his name.

“It’s okay. You did a really good job explaining what happened. Hia accepted your apology and understands, okay? No one is mad.” Chay moved a bit of hair away from Kim’s eye before it could poke it. Kim just stared, a little too in his head to respond. 

“I really do understand, Kim. When your brother and I first started going to each other’s suite’s, he scared me badly one night. I punched him straight in the eye. Accidents happen.” Porsche sat in his seat, relaxed and calm but with a slight blush on his cheeks.  

“Why are you telling people about that? I thought you were too embarrassed to spill those beans.” Kinn walked into the room and kissed Porsche on the cheek before sitting down. 

“Kim has accidentally broken my brother. He was nervous so I wanted him to know that things happen and I understand.” Porsche summarized, the blush on his cheeks darkening and spreading to his ears. 

“Ah, I see. What part of him did you break, little brother?” Kinn smirked and leaned back in his chair, hand resting on Porsche’s thigh. 

“His ribs. I flipped him onto the floor.” Kim admitted once more in a murmur, still ashamed. 

“That’ll do it. How’s the injury feeling, Chay? Need anything?” Kinn turned to Chay who was now massaging the back of Kim’s neck lightly. 

“Definitely sore but I don’t need anything. Kim is the best nurse I could ask for.” Chay scratched the back of Kim’s head with his fingernails, knowing Kim loved it. He grinned when Kim allowed himself to close his eyes and drop his shoulders. 

“We’re here, woah. Everyone okay?” Of course Vegas immediately picked up on Kim’s mood as he and Pete walked to their chairs. 

“Yep! Just letting Kim know we aren’t mad about the accident. I assume you know?” Porsche turned to Vegas with a knowing look. Everyone knew that Vegas was Kim’s mother hen.  

“Yeah. I took care of the fucker who was at Kim’s door.” Vegas sighed and a bit of anger showed in his face. He and Porsche looked at each other, seeming to talk with their minds. Then the tense air was cleared with flamboyant chaos. 

“Hello, my babies! We’re just here for plates and then we’ll be leaving!” Tankhun floofed into the room with Arm and Pol following him. He was wearing black pajamas under a see-through dark pink robe with ridiculously fluffy edges. 

“You look like you’ve murdered your husband and are pretending his death was from mysterious circumstances.” Vegas commented with narrowed eyes. 

“Precisely! We’re watching a whodunnit movie tonight and the victim is the rich husband!” Tankhun clapped his hands together in excitement while Pol and Arm watched him with loving smiles. 

“Also, Kimmy and Chay. Are you both alright? I heard about everything that happened. I didn’t ask sooner because I didn’t want to intrude but I can’t stay silent anymore.” Tankhun suddenly became very serious and looked at the youngest men at the table. 

“I’m alright, phi. A bit sore but that’s expected.” Chay replied. He stayed quiet then, allowing Kim to take his time to speak.

“I’m okay, too. The guy is dead and I’ll be moving again. I’m taking care of Chay while he heals.” Kim finally looked up from staring at the part of the table that was directly in front of him. Vegas and Khun are here, no one is fighting. Is everything actually okay?

“Good. If either of you need anything, don’t be afraid to send me a text or make a phone call. Ah! Here’s our dinner. We’ll be going now. Everyone play nice!” Tankhun ordered before taking a plate and flouncing out of the room, Arm and Pol following with their own dinners. 

“He’s so much but so needed.” Porsche sighed, thanking the person who set down his plate. Kinn nodded his head in agreement with a huffed laugh.

_____

Dinner was relatively quiet, everyone taking time to relax and fill their bellies, Then Porsche’s eyes gazed across the table.  

“I will never hurt you on purpose, Kim. You can relax. I will not hit you or yell at you. All is forgiven and everything is okay. I promise.” Porsche said after he noticed that Kim wasn’t eating. 

Kim managed to nod silently before picking up his fork to pick at his food. Chay rubbed his boyfriend’s thigh under the table and put a bit of his potatoes on Kim’s plate, knowing they would be what Kim would find easiest to eat.