Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Finn held in his yawn as Robert droned on about something not related to the meeting, again. His boss may only be in his fifties, but he acted as batty as a man close to the end. But never a man close to the end of his point, unfortunately.

“Robert, if I may interrupt. What does the layout of the magazine have anything to do with its substance? That’s what’s most important.”

Janet – one of the head writers. A slim woman with greying blonde hair and a light complexion. Carried around a dour expression most of the time. The type of person who wore suits even on Casual Friday. She had a hair up her arse because of all the change happening. She just couldn’t understand that, as times change, so do the interests of the masses. The only way to stay popular is to stay current. To be the kind of edgy that’s a bit tongue-in-cheek; a bit ‘fuck you’ to the mainstream junkies of the world. A publication that had its own voice. Something real.

“We need to present the content to readers in a pleasant manner. They’ll be more likely to read an article if it attracts their attention.”

Finn rolled his eyes. Bernie – one of the dullest men Finn had ever met. Tall and shapely, he bore a striking resemblance to Jeremy Irons, only sadder and more tired. He was in charge of the graphics and layout of the magazine, which was a joke. Had an ego that came from years of being unchallenged in his position. Boring ideas. Not too impressive.

Finn finally broke into the conversation, “It’s not just about being pleasing to the eye. We have to hook the reader with a fresh and interesting point of view. They’ll be more interested in the article if it feels like someone is being real with them.”

Janet pursed her lips and crossed both arms across the navy-blue blazer fastened neatly and free of wrinkles. “What does that even mean, Finn?”

Finn sighed and rubbed his eyes, giving himself a few seconds to calm down. “Janet, would you rather read something that’s exciting and real, something that you can personally connect to and feel,” he took a deep breath, “or something that lets your mind wander as you lose interest in the story? We have to reach a new audience. We need to be less serious and a little more down to earth.”

Janet huffed a breath before shaking her head, “We give the readers excellent material. I don’t understand why that would have to change.”

Finn clenched his fists. “We can still give them good content and be memorable. Right now, it’s like we’re the kid in class giving a boring presentation on something that should be exciting!”

When Finn’s voice started to rise, Robert put his hand flat on the table, and calmly said, “Enough.” Both Finn and Janet looked at him, one contrite; one surly. Finn felt a little embarrassed about getting so riled up, but damn that woman.

“Finn and Bernie have a good point, Janet. We’ve been in circulation a while, so we need to spruce things up a bit.” Finn watched as the spry fifty-something promptly did a quick arm stretch before gathering his notes. The meeting was over, apparently.

As the three of them followed suit, Janet began to mumble under her breath in a sharp tone. The three men resolutely did not rise to her baiting, and everyone filed out of the small boardroom.

When they all reached their assigned sections of the building, Finn plopped down on his rolling chair and let out a loud groan. A snort sounded to his right, and Finn cracked open one eye to see Suzanne’s amused expression. He raised an eyebrow before shutting both eyes again and ignoring her quiet laughter.

I really need to find a new job.

~.~.~

Finn shuffled into the trolley with everyone else on a Thursday afternoon, being jostled around as was usual. Something else he disliked about his job was the distance from home. It took him over thirty minutes each way on the tube, since he didn’t think he’d need his car when he first moved to the city. He rolled his eyes as a yawn broke out, covering his mouth with the crook of his arm. He wiped away the tired tears from his cheeks and looked for a seat along the wall, aware a stop was almost upon them.

He saw a little old lady moving around as if she was about to get up, so he made his way over to her subtly. His instinct was right, and he mentally shouted in victory when he slid right into the vacated seat. He was certain some people who had been standing longer were glaring at him, but he didn’t care. He moved around and felt something under his arse, so he lifted his hip and pulled out whatever was causing the discomfort.

Huh. It was a magazine. A few months old with a three-man band on the cover. Spotlight read at the top, the bold print grabbing Finn’s attention. He grinned and studied the cover layout, enjoying how they lured him in with strong headlines and good quotes. He flipped the magazine open and began reading.

The font used was fun, and Finn didn’t know that could be the case until he realized his magazine’s font wasn’t fun. The pictures were bright and aligned well with the design of the article. He noticed that some articles had the full author’s name, and some had only initials, which struck him as odd. Originally, he thought it was someone’s name until different combinations started to appear. He got to an article Neil Young when the tube conductor called his stop. He quickly folded the page corner and rolled the magazine up and into his bag, then left the trolley.

On the ten-minute walk home, Finn thought about the magazine he found, wondering how he hadn’t heard of it before. He liked the genuine indie vibe it portrayed, unlike Absolute which was milquetoast dressed up as indie. He frowned and turned the corner to his building, jogging the short distance to his stairs.

Once inside his flat, he removed his jacket and boots quickly, throwing them away from him haphazardly. He put the kettle on the stove and dropped a teabag into the orange mug on the counter. As the water boiled, Finn walked the short hallway to his room to change. He pulled off trousers and pants in one go, followed by socks and shirt. It was slightly chilly in his room, so he shivered when goosebumps formed along his arms and up his neck. He rushed to the wardrobe to slip into fleece pyjama bottoms and his faded cotton Oasis tee. Once he had on the fluffy orange socks his dad sent for his birthday, he felt comfortable and left the room.

Finn got back to the kitchen as the kettle started to yell, so he turned the flame off and poured the steaming water over his earl grey. The water darkened as he added honey and a dash of cinnamon, stirring everything together with a spoon. He rinsed it and let the tea steep a little while longer before removing and squeezing the bag out. He didn’t like it too strong.

He walked to the small round table nestled in the corner of the entrance, right before the carpet started. He opened his bag with one hand and pulled out the magazine that he found on the tube. He turned and headed to the maroon sofa his coworker Suzanne had given him. As he settled against the plush purple pillow on the couch and pulled the dark green throw blanket up to cover his legs, he smiled at the thought of Suzanne. The only person he would miss if he could ever find a new job. Sure, things had been slightly awkward since they stopped sleeping together, but they were making a good attempt at being friends.

He did miss the good sex, though.

Shaking his head, Finn put away those thoughts and set his tea on the coffee table on his right. He thumbed back to page fifty-three, the one he earmarked, and settled into the article.

There was a large current photo of Neil Young on the left, black and white, depicting a lighthearted scene. He was laughing while sitting on a stool next to what Finn assumed were all of his instruments. The credit below the photo went to someone he didn’t recognize, so he continued with reading. It was an interesting setup; the author was reviewing the album while including Q&As with Young.

Hey, you out there, we’re going classic rock for this issue’s album review. I know it’s not strictly indie, but when we get the opportunity to work with a legend, screw the genre label. Neil Young is gracing our humble zine with an interview about his 1999 collab album Looking Forward .

Finn smiled and continued, enjoying the witty descriptions of the songs. He liked how the author was able to weave their questions into the meaning of the songs, showcasing a true wordsmith. He’d heard that Neil Young could be difficult to interview, but he seemed gregarious throughout the piece, totally relaxed with the interviewer.

At the end of the article, Finn glanced below the title and frowned when he just saw the initials R.E. in thick blue letters. Why wouldn’t they include the full name? If he worked there, he would try to change that. He stopped flipping the page when he processed his thought.

Maybe they’ll have an opening. Finn smiled widely and continued reading the magazine, praying to whatever deity that they’d have something for him. He reached out for his tea and took a noisy slurp as he followed up on the cover interview a few pages further into the reading.

~.~.~

Two weeks went by with no word from anyone at Spotlight. Finn dropped his personal CV in the post the day after he read the magazine and found its mailing address in the back. He knew that it would be harder to find available work at small publications, but he still got his hopes up anyway.

“Hello, Finn. Anybody in there?”

It was another Thursday when Finn was startled out of his daydreaming by Suzanne waving her hand in front of his face. He sat up straight and looked at her with a raised eyebrow. Suzanne just smirked before popping a hip against his desk and adjusting the stack of folders under her left arm. She leaned down to speak quietly, Finn catching a glimpse of her cleavage before focusing on her face.

Suzanne spoke in a conspiratorial whisper, “Word has it that Spotlight is looking for a new broadcasting agent. Thought you might be interested.” Finn coughed around nothing, fighting the dread filling his veins. Had he said anything to her about wanting to move on? He was sure he kept that to himself when they went to the pub a couple nights back.

“Wha-” Finn cleared his throat at the high tone and Suzanne’s raised eyebrows, “What makes you think that?”

Suzanne looked at him quizzically, “You told me, like, six months ago that you wanted something new. This is the first time in a while I’m hearing about a well-known publication opening a position.” She clearly thought Finn was off his rocker when he didn’t respond right away, judging by the odd expression and shrug of her shoulders.

Before she walked away, Finn said, “I only found out about the magazine recently, I didn’t know it was popular.” Suzanne smiled before laughing quietly. “I know you’ve only been here a few years, but Spotlight has always landed great interviews and received, like, a dozen awards. I’d brush up on them if you decide to apply.” She winked and looked him up and down, grinning before she continued the journey to her own desk. The look sent a zing of heat through Finn, and he had to look at his desk to control himself.

If I do end up getting an interview, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to start up with Suzanne again. If we weren’t coworkers. The thought confused Finn, so he was happy with the distraction of Joshua asking him to the pub for drinks that night, since he was off on Friday. What’s the worst that could happen with just a few pints before a three-day weekend?

~.~.~

Finn was bleary-eyed when he answered the phone next to his bed. He barely registered the voice to begin with, only knowing that it was a woman asking his name. He agreed that he was the man she was looking for, but he couldn’t figure out what she wanted. It was only after he heard the word Spotlight repeated multiple times that he realized he needed to wake the fuck up right now. After a brief pause, Finn cleared his throat and sat up against his headboard, trying hard to recall what the stranger had just asked. He heard a low chuckle, and the woman spoke again, slowly, and more deliberately.

“My name is Quinn, the Art Director over at Spotlight Magazine. I was confirming that you were available for an interview later this afternoon, Friday?”

Finn took a deep breath, feeling the whole situation surreal. He was still processing when he mumbled out an affirmative, “Yes, of course. What time do you need me?” He cringed at the question, feeling his hangover fully. Getting older hadn’t been as great as he had hoped. The woman laughed again, seemingly amused. He found himself grinning, even though he wasn’t really sure of what was going on at that moment.

“Perfect, so we will see you at three today. The address is Fifteen Bouchier Street. You can’t miss it; it’s the brick thing between all the modern buildings. Third floor. See you then.”

The line went dead, and Finn situated the receiver back into its cradle, dazed at the last five minutes. So, he had an interview with Spotlight, and it was today. After glancing at the clock on his side table, he flew out of bed, his covers falling to a heap on the floor as he scrambled to the bathroom to shower. It was already noon, and he didn’t even have a portfolio put together.

He raced through his wash, making sure everything was addressed before shutting off the water and rushing to his room naked, realizing he left all of his towels strewn about the day before. He shivered as he dried the water from his body with whatever was on the floor, mind rapidly flipping through his work, trying to figure out what to put together for his interview with the woman over the phone, Quinn, who may be offering him a very good job.

Finn was somehow able to throw together a professional-yet-casual outfit perfect for an indie magazine in record time. Dark denim jeans tucked into dark red boots, mustard yellow V-neck top tucked in, secured under a black leather belt.

It was just after two o’ clock when he had different articles, interviews, graphics, and photos quickly but gently stuffed into glossy sheet protectors inside the portfolio briefcase he’d gotten on sale. He shook out some pain relivers into his hand from the bathroom medicine cabinet, downing them with about four glasses of water. Toast and butter followed, then a quick but thorough brushing of the teeth and application of eye drops before he was ready to head out. He unhooked his keys from the wall catch and shrugged into his sage green jacket before leaving the flat. Brown leather side bag slung over his left shoulder, full of what he’d been able to scrabble together in less than two hours.

After locking his door, he moved quickly down the flight of stairs to the sidewalk, walking to his right. The interview started in thirty minutes, and it would take at least half that to walk with no interruptions. He booked it, keeping a steady enough pace to sweat slightly under his coat.

In just twenty minutes, he stood outside the small building, feeling slightly duped, but sure of the fact that Quinn had described it this way. There were a couple guys smoking ciggies outsider, and Finn yearned for a drag to calm himself, but he didn’t want the smell to overwhelm the interview. He turned back to the large wooden doors and took a deep breath, letting it out all in one breath before marching up the stone steps and into the building.

He was blown away by the interior. It was such a different look from the outside, that it almost felt as if he had walked into another dimension. He felt very much like Lucy Pevensie walking into Narnia. There were groups of people behind each windowed room to either side, all of them surrounded by smoke or fog machines that produced a variety of colors. Finn raised an eyebrow at the display and continued down the hallway, his boots making a loud squeak as he walked.

Once he reached the lift, he took a deep breath and pressed the up button, exhaling as the machine sprung to life and slowly creaked its way down to the first floor. It dinged and the doors opened to a modernly designed interior, belied by the seeming age of the unit. He shook his head and entered, quickly pressing the third-floor button, mind wandering as the lift took ages to move.

He shouldn’t have gone out the night before. Joshua from Accounting had convinced him to join the crew at the pub around the corner, saying it would unwind Finn and give him a restful Friday off. Finn chuckled to himself and thought that this could only happen to him. He jinxed himself by getting smashed with the tossers from work.

 The lift dinged again and Finn exited as the doors opened sluggishly to the third floor. The design was the same sleek and modern look as the first floor, which made him feel less crazy. He made it to the middle of floor, indicated by the two frosted doors on either side of him. It was baffling to him why everything else was on display except the entrance, but perhaps it was an artistic statement.

Glancing between the two doors, he pulled the one on his right open, reading the title Creative Department etched into the door’s plaque. Behind it were desks and editing tables, big spaces for collaborative work. It seemed inviting, and Finn was already in love with the job. He had to mentally slap himself into reality, looking around for someone to help him. There was a guy sat behind a desk next to the oddly positioned office in the center of the room, and he seemed as good as anyone to ask for help, so Finn walked over and cleared his throat before smiling.

“Hi there, I have an interview with Quinn, uh…” Finn blushed as he realized he didn’t catch her last name over the phone. He cleared his throat. “My name is Finn Nelson.”

The other man looked up from his desk, a startled expression on his face, his hands full of folders and loose papers. Finn felt his face heat up, aware that he had completely interrupted the guy. “Uh, sorry, I didn’t know who to talk to.” The brunette grinned before dropping everything onto the desk and straightening to meet Finn’s height.

“No worries, it keeps me from doing actual work.” The man winked before moving from his desk and walking away with a gesture to follow him. “Come with me, I’ll take you to Sue’s office. She and Quinn are waiting for you.” Finn followed and took another deep breath, not realizing he was interviewing with more than Quinn today.

They made quick work to the entrance of the office, and the other man knocked before opening it for Finn to enter. He winked again before moving away. Finn turned to the open door and straightened his shoulders before entering.

The first thing Finn noticed was the heavenly smell of warm apples. It hit him in the face, spicy and soothing. As he walked further into the brightly-lit office, he observed the art on the walls, the outerwear everywhere, books and magazines stacked here and there. He turned his attention to the center of the room and noticed two women sitting, waiting for him. One sat behind the oak desk in a smart blouse and blazer, dark hair pinned neatly up in a bun, and a small smile greeting him. He glanced to the corner of the desk and the second woman sat on the edge, seemingly the opposite, her clothes flowy and bohemian, hair short and messy, jewelry dangling and banging together, expression neutral.

He flushed and cleared his throat. “Hello, I’m Finn Nelson.”

An agonizing pause.

Then, “Welcome to Spotlight. Please, have a seat.” The Mediterranean-looking woman behind the desk gestured to the seat in front of her, and he assumed this was Sue, since her voice didn’t sound like the one on the phone. He sat quickly, glancing to the grinning pale woman to his right before straightening his gaze.

Let’s do this.

“Nice to meet you, Finn, I’m Sue Crowley, the Director of Spotlight. This delightful woman with us is Quinn Hatcher, the Creative Director. While you would be working for me, you would report directly to Quinn, which is why both of us are here to interview you.”

Finn just nodded his head, smiling slightly before getting more comfortable in the plush chair. Quinn moved closer until she and Sue were the same distance from him. Quinn crossed her arms with a smile before cocking a sculpted eyebrow and motioning to the bag squished between him and the chair arm.

“Whatcha got in there?”

Finn cleared his throat before fiddling around with pulling the portfolio out and handing it to Quinn. She snatched it from his hands and began to study it, completely shutting out the other two. Sue took the interview over, asking Finn the standard questions. He explained that he saw himself working for her kind of company, feeling free to express himself and be as creative as possible. They discussed the projects he’d worked on so far since being in London for a handful of years. He described the desirable traits he possessed to showcase his ability to work collaboratively and independently, knowing when to take charge if necessary.

The interview started to seem like a casual conversation, yet the questions posed were heavily geared toward determining his competency, so he was on edge through the whole thing. Quinn would pipe in occasionally, mostly to inquire about the specifics behind his work or ask him to clarify an answer. All of the follow-up questions made Finn feel nervous about how it was going.

Sue joined her hands together on top of the desk and looked at him seriously, “Now, Finn. We have something very important coming up, and I need to see if you would be ready to jump in running, as it were.”

Finn nodded. “Okay, what is it?”

Sue smiled and sat up straighter, her tone and posture showing her pride. “We are presenting a music festival in less than two weeks, and it’s the biggest one we’ve had yet.”

Finn smiled widely, the thought of working a festival enticing. Sue continued, “With that being said, you would need to familiarize yourself with all of the bands, the layout and setup of the stages, band managers, and somehow get another two photographers from other publications to cover us, plus anything else that comes up for you from the Creative team. You need to become familiar with our team in a short amount of time. Would you be able to do this?”

Sue and Quinn stared at Finn unblinkingly, and his leg started to jump up and down nervously. He wanted so badly to do all that and more, so he answered honestly, “I would like nothing more than to prove to you that I can do a good job.” Both women smiled at the same time, which was freaky but encouraging, so Finn would take it as a good thing.

Sue stood from her chair and Finn quickly followed, reaching out to meet her delicate hand in a shake. “We’ll let you know the decision by tomorrow.” Sue smiled once more before letting go of his hand and sitting back down, picking up some papers on her desk. Interview clearly finished, Quinn touched his shoulder and gestured to the door with a nod and gave him his portfolio. Finn pulled his bag over his shoulder and followed her, shutting the office door behind him with a soft click.

Quinn motioned for him to wait while she walked to the left and picked something small off the large table situated next to the wall. He stuffed his portfolio into his bag while he watched her. Someone with photos in their hands stopped her for a question, so Finn spun around slowly, taking in the large room. The area of desks to the side of Sue’s office seemed much quieter than the rest of the office, and he studied it a little more. There was an older woman chatting with a younger man, seated behind the desk next to hers. She had a frown on her face as she pointed to a paper on his desk, and he rolled his eyes when she wasn’t looking. The guy who helped him earlier was talking to a portly man, making separate piles on the desk of different colored notecards. The fifth desk was vacant but incredibly tidy, and Finn raised an eyebrow at its organization.

“All right, you wanna go have a ciggie with me?” Finn was pulled away from his perusal of the office by Quinn, and he smiled gratefully at her offer with a nod. They headed down the old lift and outside, talking lightly about themselves. Once on the steps, he realized that they were the only people bracing the chilly wind. Quinn offered him a cigarette and lit them both up, inhaling sharply before blowing out smoke and suddenly asking a question. “What concert from your past sticks out the most?”

Finn fiddled with his cigarette after taking a drag, letting the smoke fill his lungs. He exhaled slowly, the smoke wafting out of his mouth and around his head like a fog. He shrugged, “I guess it depends. Your first concert is always memorable, but the one with friends might be more fun. A concert date would stay with you. There are a lot that stick out to me, I guess.” Quinn smiled before taking another drag, speaking around a cloud of smoke to Finn, “Good enough answer. To tell you the truth, it’s a little eerie because someone in Sue’s department had the same type of response.”

Finn copied her smile before they fell into a comfortable silence, his heart thumping harder at the thought that Quinn asking this meant she wanted him on the team. They finished their cigarettes, and Quinn wished him well, saying he would hear back from them in the morning. She winked afterward, which didn’t help the wishful feeling inside him as he walked home.

Chapter Text

Finn was up at six the morning after his interview at Spotlight. It was Saturday, usually a day for sleeping in, but he was unable to keep his eyes shut any longer. He had worked at home after his interview the day before, halfheartedly finishing the report Robert wanted. He was so sure that he was getting the job at Spotlight, that he couldn’t find the drive to do anything else. However, he did work hard on his carefully worded resignation letter, making sure that was perfect. He went to sleep a little after midnight, tossing and turning throughout the night.

He sighed and got out of bed, pulling his robe from the floor, and stepping into slippers. He put the robe on and walked out of his room and across the hall to the bathroom. The light through the window was still cool, sunlight just starting to brighten the sky. Finn decided to leave the overhead off and just get ready with the sun. He shut the door, turned the shower on hot, then undressed and left his robe on the door hook and clothes on the floor.

Steam wafted around the bathroom and Finn gladly pushed aside the plastic curtain to step under the warm spray. He relaxed his shoulders under the water and rubbed some of the kinks situated between them. He’d been far too tense recently, and his body was telling him. He turned the knob slightly hotter and sighed as the water helped to relieve some of the pain. As he stood there, his body started to relax to its preferred early state of loose muscles. He hummed as he proceeded with his shower languidly, enjoying the sunrise that began to stream through the small window.

After twenty minutes, Finn turned off the water and stepped out onto the towel on the ground. He needed to get a new bathmat, but it required him to physically go to a store, and he didn’t want to take the time. Plus, no one really stayed over, so it never seemed to be a problem. He pulled his towel from the wall and quickly rubbed the terrycloth over himself, trying to dry and get into his robe in enough time to not freeze.

Once he was covered, Finn made his way back to his room, leaving his pile of clothes on the bathroom floor. He would get them later. As he stepped inside his room, he rubbed his damp hair then dropped the towel to the floor as he made his way to the dresser next to his bookcase. He took in the state of his room when he reached the dresser and heaved a big sigh. It wasn’t that hard to be tidy, and he was good at doing so when he was younger, but he adopted a lazy attitude when he was able to live on his own, away from his father’s cleanliness guidelines.

Finn shook his head and ignored the clothes and various items strewn about his room. He yanked a purple shirt from the drawer, pulling it over his head and trying to smooth out the wrinkles. Shrugging at the poor attempt, he nudged the drawer closed with his shoulder and opened the bottom one, tugging the dark grey joggers free. He slipped those on, not bothering with pants for the day. He quickly retrieved and adorned some socks, then made his way down the short hall into his living room.

He ambled over to the wide window facing the main street in front of his building, the sunlight streaming in to brighten up his flat. He pulled the sheer red curtain to the side for more light before walking to the kitchen to put on the kettle. He situated everything for morning tea and considered his options. Breakfast was normally made up of cereal or toast with tea, and this morning was no exception. Finn stuck his last two pieces of bread into the toaster and poured boiling water over the teabag in a procured mug.

Once the tea was steeping and his bread was toasting, Finn walked back to the window, focusing on the collection of photos adorning the wall. Most of them made him smile, each one a good memory. There were some tinged with a sadness that Finn fought through in order to remember the moments that made him happy. He crossed his arms and frowned at the picture of little Natalie sleeping on her sister’s chest. Natalie just turned five. He wondered–

The shrill sound of his kitchen phone shook him from his reprieve, and he almost tripped over his recliner to reach it in time. He yelled as his toe smacked against the leg of the couch, hopping on one foot as he grabbed and tried to rub the pain from his right foot. He made it to the counter and reached for the receiver from the wall, situating it between his head and shoulder.

“Hello?” He was slightly out of breath and mentally kicked himself. There was a little chuckle on the other line, and he closed his eyes, resting his head against the wall in resignation.

“Hi there, Finn. It’s Quinn, from yesterday.”

Finn cleared his throat and greeted her pleasantly, “Mornin’.” He didn’t want her to know that he was shitting bricks and felt light-headed. Quinn wasted no time.

“Look, I’m sure it’s obvious that yesterday went well. If you’re inclined, we would like to offer you the job of Broadcasting Agent for Spotlight Magazine, with a yearly salary of thirty-eight thousand pounds. What say you?”

Finn felt the largest smile grace his lips, surprised but elated by the amount. It was more than he made currently, after working for Absolute for two years.

“I say yes!” Finn blushed a little at his excitement, but Quinn just made a happy noise and started talking about the procedure.

“That is fantastic, we are very excited to have you with us. Now let me tell you what we’ll do…”

Finn adjusted and kept the phone against his ear, listening as Quinn detailed his onboarding process. He moved over to his mug and removed the tea bag, pinching the excess liquid into the cup before tossing the bag into the bin. He took a couple sips of the hot drink quietly as Quinn spoke about what they’ll go over on Monday.

“I know that it’s extremely short notice for your current employer, so we won’t expect you until the afternoon.”

Finn agreed and wrote down some directions Quinn gave him before ending the call. As soon as the phone was in its cradle, Finn jumped up with an excited shout, pain in his foot totally forgotten.

~.~.~.~.~

It was a cold Monday morning when Finn left his flat to head to his current job for the last time. The thought made him giddy, and he hustled to work an hour earlier than his normal start time of nine o’ clock. He touched elbows with the other morning transmuters for most of his ride on the tube, so Finn was relieved when he left the underground and made it to the park where his exit was stationed. He didn’t let the chilly weather deter his good mood as he walked against the wind and froze his ears. The resignation letter sat heavily in the satchel on his side, and he knew that Robert and everyone else, except maybe Suzanne, would feel bitter about him leaving so suddenly. But he couldn’t care less. He gripped the strap of his bag tightly and turned down the street where the building was located.

Once Finn was inside and making his way to the editing floor, he took a deep breath and paused before opening the opaque glass door that led to the office. He took in the activity of his colleagues, everyone busy with something. He walked slowly to his desk, pulling the bag from his shoulder and placing it on his chair. He looked around, but no one was paying attention to him, so he walked to the copy room and took an empty box from the floor back to his desk.

Quietly, Finn began to place his things in the box, careful not to damage anything. He glanced around once more, but no one was watching him. A nervous sweat broke out on his neck, and he felt like time was moving too quickly. He didn’t like to screw people over, and this technically counted as such, so he felt paranoid that everyone already knew.

As he finished situating his framed pictures on top, someone knocked against his partition, startling him, and sending him feet into the air. His heart beating rapidly, he turned to whoever it was and clenched a hand over his chest. Suzanne stood there with a big grin on her face, eyes taking in his still wearing outerwear, all of his things in a box, and the nervous flush on his cheeks. Their gazes meeting again, Suzanne raised an eyebrow, “When are you telling Robert?” Finn gulped and straightened his back. “Right now.”

Both of Suzanne’s eyebrows raised before she smiled and moved away from the entrance of his cubicle, walking down the hall with a quiet good luck whispered before turning the corner. Finn appreciated the way her hips moved when she strutted away from him.

He shook his head and retrieved his resignation letter, gripping it tightly and taking a deep breath before making his way to Robert’s desk. It was situated at the very front of the room; a large area fenced off with slightly taller partitions to indicate that the space belonged to the Director. One had to pass by cubicles like Finn’s, row after row until it started to feel like a student walking to their teacher’s desk.

Finn refocused and walked more determinedly to Robert. Quickly he stood before his boss, letter folded neatly in a cream envelope. Robert looked up from his work, one eyebrow raised as he took in Finn’s arrival. Both eyebrows shot up and his expression turned to one of worry as he spotted the envelope in Finn’s hand. His eyes darted to Finn’s, and Finn tried to ignore the pang of guilt at Robert’s shock. He took a deep breath and looked away, unable to keep eye contact.

He started his prepared speech, “I’m sorry this is such short notice, but I’ve been offered a position at another company. Because this industry is so quick-paced, my resignation is effective immediately.” Finn took a breath, finally meeting Robert’s eyes. The man still looked surprised, but it was quickly turning to anger.

Finn cleared his throat and kept eye contact, “Thank you for the amazing opportunity, I’ve really grown as a–”

“Oi, knock it off. Are you joking, Finn? You can’t be serious.”

Finn took a deep breath and smiled, “I am. Thanks, I’ll see myself out.” He set the letter on the desk and didn’t wait for Robert’s response. He said goodbye to a couple people on his way, most of them giving him strange looks. He passed Suzanne’s desk before slowing and walking back to talk to her. She was editing some copy, right elbow on the table, hand twirling her brown hair as the left hand scribbled away. The way she was positioned allowed Finn a look down her buttoned blouse, her arms pushing the cleavage together tantalizingly. He looked up to her face and flushed when she was grinning at him. She moved her arms to her sides, and Finn realized she was purposely showing off. Heat zinged through him, and he smiled.

“Would you like to go out with me tonight? I’m celebrating.”

Suzanne leaned back in the chair, clasping her hands together in her lap. “What are you celebrating?”

Finn straightened up and leaned against the entrance to her cubicle, “I just got a new job and left my current one in a spectacular fashion. I need to show off a little bit.” He winked at her and she rolled her eyes with a smile and sat up.

“Yeah, I’ll meet you somewhere. What did you have in mind?”

“How about Fletcher’s, seven o’ clock?”

Suzanne tapped her chin with a hmm and looked at the calendar on her wall. Finn didn’t see anything written on today’s box, but she turned back with a compromise, “Make it eight o’ clock and you have a date.”

Finn smiled, totally fine with that idea. “Perfect. I’ll see you there, then.” Suzanne nodded and turned to her work with a little grin. Finn started walking to his desk again, seeing the stares of some people who heard his conversation with Suzanne. He saw Robert speaking with Janet in the distance, and moved faster, getting his stuff then rushing to the lift.

He glanced back and saw the older woman walking toward him with a frown just as the doors slid open. Finn jumped in the lift and chose the correct floor, tapping the button repeatedly to make it move faster. The doors closed and it began to move, and Finn took a sigh of relief and closed his eyes for the ride.

Wow, he thought, that went better than I imagined.

The lift stopped and he opened his eyes, watching as the doors slid back open into a plainly decorated mezzanine. He shifted the cardboard box against his hip and walked outside. Flagging down a cabbie, Finn used the same hand to get a cigarette and light it, inhaling the smoke deep into his lungs to relax.

The black sedan stopped against the curb and Finn opened the backseat door. He looked inside, “Smoking all right?”

The driver looked at Finn for a quiet, almost awkward, moment, before nodding.

“Only if you share one or two with me.”

The stranger grinned then got out to help Finn, taking the box from him and putting it in the boot. Finn laughed and held onto his bag as he got into the back seat. He gave the driver three ciggies as the man slid inside and shut his door.

“Thanks, mate. My missus don’t like it no more, so I gotta sneak them when I can.” He winked at Finn before buckling up and asking Finn where they were going. Finn provided Spotlight’s address, and they sped off into traffic. After lighting his cigarette, Finn rolled down his window to blow out smoke and watch the city race by.

It was a quiet and short ride, lasting maybe ten minutes and a cigarette each man. Finn got out in front of Spotlight’s building and the cabbie went to the back, picking up Finn’s box. Finn got out the fare plus tip for the man and exchanged the bills for his items.

“Thanks. What’s your name?”

The man tipped his hat. “Cornelius. Nice to meet you.”

“Finn. You, too.” Finn smiled and wished him a good day before turning to his new building. He moved forward as the taxi sped off behind him, becoming aware of a small group of people huddled together to his left. They smoked together, chatting amongst themselves, and Finn wondered if they were his coworkers.

Finn turned around and made his way up the steps and awkwardly through the door. He twisted his way inside with the box in his hands, yelping in pain as his right shin made direct contact with the doorframe. “Fuck!” Finn hopped on his left foot, almost dropping the box as he moved to instinctively rub at the now throbbing injury.

 He shifted the box from hip to hip as he limped his way down the hallway. He waited for the rickety lift and set his items down to inspect his leg. It was tender and already bruising, making Finn sigh and wonder if there was a first aid kit in the office. He’d need some pain reliever if he wanted to keep it from getting worse.

The lift arrived and Finn pushed his pain away for the moment as he entered. He pressed the third-floor button and leaned against the wall as things moved slowly up. Closing his eyes, he grinned. The weight of the situation he was in right now was flooding his mind, and the possibilities for him at Spotlight seemed almost limitless.

A ping sounded and the doors opened sluggishly, shaking Finn from his thoughts. He laughed quietly as he walked down the hallway to his new office. His heart was racing, and he adjusted the box to his left hip, so his right hand was free to open the door. Once he had it open and he was through the entryway, his excitement bubbled up and he had to stop himself from jumping up and whooping.

Quinn approached him with her arms stretched out, twirling as she got closer. The pale peach color of her tunic dress shimmered as she moved her body, revealing the sequins sewn in. She stopped in front of him with a big grin, lips a dark pink today. He admired her mismatched jewelry before she beckoned him to follow her. Once they got to his desk and he could put his box down, Quinn popped a hip against the pushed-in chair and looked at Finn.

“You’re here much earlier than I was expecting.”

Finn shrugged, hoping it wasn’t a bad thing. “I thought I might as well get started, seeing how I only have a week to be up to speed.” He smiled, somewhat nervous for her response. Quinn laughed, pushing away from the chair.

“I like that.”

She pointed to the entry door. “Meet me there in five minutes. I want to give you a tour.” She turned and saw Finn looking at his box of stuff. “You can unpack later or tomorrow, no rush.” Finn looked up at her with a sheepish grin and nodded. He followed her to the door, stopping briefly when Grant flagged Quinn down while he was on the phone.

Finn couldn’t hear what was being said, but he saw Grant writing on a sticky note while Quinn frowned at what he wrote. Grant finished his conversation and walked over to the fifth desk in his area, the incredibly tidy one that Finn noticed was vacant on Friday. Quinn opened a drawer and pulled a couple folders out, handing them to Grant. They began to talk quietly together, so Finn turned around and continued his walk.

Quinn was still talking to Grant a few minutes later, and Finn wasn’t sure what to do. Just as he was about to go ask her, she straightened up from the vacant desk and headed his way with a smile. Once they were both at the door, he opened it for her and followed once she was through. She gestured to the room across from them.

“That is where you’ll find our writers and their staff. There’s always fun banter about a competition, but in reality, we all work together pretty well. This company is big on collaboration.” Quinn winked and Finn nodded as his new boss opened the door to the Writing department.

The layout was mostly similar to his new office. More cubicles, but in an open atmosphere where everyone could interact. There were printing tables and edit tables with backlit surfaces. Another office in the middle like Sue’s for the department’s director.

Quinn walked Finn through the office, introducing him to people whose names he couldn’t remember. He knew, though, that there was a short blonde woman named Sharon who was prone to mistakes.

Once that was done, Quinn took Finn to the fourth floor, where the magazine’s executives had offices and boardrooms. Finn was surprised to see a more unique layout for the floor, things slightly different enough to be noticeable. There were individual offices instead of two large rooms. Each office had walls of dark opaque glass with no ability to see inside. It was fascinating, and Finn was curious how they interacted with each other.

He looked to Quinn as she was motioning around the floor, focusing on her words, “–and they are all gone today at some conference or whatev, so it’s empty in here. I like to explore sometimes, although none of the offices are unlocked.” She looked at Finn with an impish grin and leaned in conspiratorially, “Of course, if someone forgets to lock their door every now and then, it’s a different story.” She leaned back and winked at Finn before turning back to the lift.

“Right, do you want to go back downstairs and really get into the thick of it? I hope you’re a quick learner.”

Finn took a deep breath and nodded, following her into the lift once it stopped in front of them. “I’m ready for it, just show me what I need to do.”

Quinn sighed and set her head against the wall of the lift. “What I need is a ciggie.” Finn smiled then watched as the floor numbers changed from the third to the second in the display screen above the lift doors. He looked back at Quinn.

“Are we going somewhere?”

“Oh, just outside to have a smoke.” Quinn shrugged and laughed as the doors slowly opened to the first floor. He followed her down the long hallway outside. They moved to the right of the large steps, where most of the smokers seemed to congregate. There was a standing ashtray a couple steps higher, next to one of the posts in the handrail. Finn pulled his cigarette case out first and offered one to Quinn.

The woman grinned before taking the proffered ciggie. Pausing, Quinn examined it, twirling it around to see how it was rolled. Finn chuckled as he got the lighter from his back pocket. “I roll my own cigarettes. Have since I was younger.”

Quinn looked back at him with a smile and situated the cigarette between her lips. Finn took one out of the case for himself before clasping it shut and stuffing it into his back pocket. He quickly lifted his lighter to Quinn’s cigarette, lighting it before his own.

Once they were both successfully smoking, Finn burrowed into his warm coat as Quinn adjusted her knit hat more securely over her ears. They didn’t talk for a little while, just enjoying each other’s company.

Suddenly, Quinn interrupted that by making an excited noise, taking a quick drag of her cigarette before talking, “I almost forgot! Do you want to go to a pub close by with some of us from the team tomorrow after work? Place called Philly’s. Really laid back.”

Finn blinked at the sudden invitation, inhaling smoke as he considered the offer. Why not? It was as good a time as any to become acquainted with his new coworkers. He nodded and exhaled. “Sure, I’d love to.”

Quinn smiled and changed the topic, filling him in on people around the office. She knew who was secretly dating around but kept a very tight lip about it. They smoked and gossiped, and Finn felt welcomed into Quinn’s circle. They finished their cigarettes around the same time, tapping out the butts in the ashtray before walking up the steps to the entrance.

Finn and his new boss went about taking the lift back upstairs, and Quinn led him over to his new desk when they entered the warm office. They talked about what equipment and technology he would be utilizing to assist with the Art Department. Before he had time to sit down and sort through his things, Quinn was leading him to the editing tables, large white things with a matte surface to keep paper in place. She introduced him to Sonya, one of the photographers. She was young, probably fresh out of university. She kept her thick, curly hair up in a bun, the deep brown of it complementing her sun-kissed warm skin. Her smile was bright, and Finn definitely wanted to come back to chat with her.

He met another photographer, James; one layout creator and editor, Wanda and Michel; and Steve, the artist who created the abstract backgrounds for different pages in the magazine. Finn was impressed with his work, making a mental note to see more of it and talk with Steve about his process. Quinn tugged on Finn’s sleeve, and he said goodbye as they continued.

Once he was introduced to most of those in his department, and those who worked for Sue, sans one, Finn was ready to dive into his work. He joined Quinn and Sue at one of the lighted editing tables. They had three large papers attached, and as Finn got closer, he realized they were blueprints to the music festival Sue mentioned. The three sat next to each other, taking up the whole table.

One detailed the layout of the stages, from backstage to how the speakers, curtains, and siding were all set up. Black squares were drawn on the sides of each stage, and scribbled next to them with an arrow read soundproofing foam. Finn blinked as he considered how it would change the way people experienced the show. It would either keep the music loud and contained to each stage’s area without infringing on the neighbouring stage, or it would dampen the sound and make the music sound hollow.

Figuring Quinn would explain more to him later, Finn shrugged and looked at the second sketch-up. Rectangular trailers were drawn in two rows of six, a sticky note with the band’s name written on each one. His eyebrows raised at some, and he was suddenly very excited to be part of this project.

The last paper showcased the merch and food stands, sticky notes once again indicating which tables belonged to either bands or vendors. A public bathroom and picnic tables were drawn on the side, and Finn wondered when the staff went to the venue to get inspiration for the sketches. He looked up and the two women were just finishing their conversation. Sue met his eyes and smiled before moving to the other side of the table. She pointed to the second drawing, tapping the middle right trailer.

“We have a band here who doesn’t want any interviews until after they’ve finished their set. Please make sure that’s arranged.” Finn nodded and mentally kicked himself for not bringing a pen and pad to take notes. Before Sue could continue, Finn cleared his throat, “I’m sorry to interrupt. I left my notepad. I’ll be right back.”

Sue waved him off and he hurried to his desk. Bending down next to his chair, he rustled through the box for his blue notepad and any pen. He put some of the items on top of the desk in his search, not wanting the frames to break. Once he had his stuff, he rushed back to the popup meeting with his bosses.

He heard Sue talking about the order of each stage when he got back to the table, and noticed that she brought out a fourth board when he was gone. He looked at the three columns drawn there, each titled with the numbered stages. Below the heading was the order of play time for each band, with their setlist neatly listed under their names.

“Perfect, you’re back.” Finn looked up and met Sue’s eyes, a flush coloring his cheeks as he scrambled to open his notebook and scribble the first set of instructions. Once finished, Sue began talking again while motioning to the paper in front of her.

“Franz Ferdinand have politely requested to go later in the evening, since their drummer needs to catch a train or something, I don’t remember. Point is, we will move them to the six o’ clock slot on Stage One and switch Green Day to the two-fifteen slot on Stage Two. How does that sound?”

Both Finn and Quinn nodded, Finn writing down the changes in his notebook. Sue clapped once before putting the list away under the table. She pointed to the third paper while Quinn leaned against the table. Sue said Finn’s name, and he readied his pen for her instructions. “We have to make sure that Rene has enough staff. She was understaffed two years ago and there were long lines. Check with her as soon as possible and let Grant or Rae know.”

Finn’s hand stopped while writing understaffed, his head snapping up to look at Sue with raised eyebrows. What did she say? He watched her lips moving but couldn’t hear anything for a moment. She began gesturing to the table and he mentally shook himself, quickly finishing his notes, …understaffed two years ago, check w/owner of pastry and service, talk w/Grant or Ray (?). He wrote down Sue’s requests for him to familiarize himself with which radio stations still needed to confirm their live coverage, the A/V crews working with them, who she wanted covering their festival from the other zines, including Absolute.

That won’t be pleasant. Maybe Suzanne can help…

Finn’s thoughts wandered to meeting up with her tonight and he grinned, quickly dropping the expression before Sue noticed. Quinn began to roll up the papers while Sue bent down and retrieved more large sketches of layouts, this time regarding the magazine issue. The plan was to publish it the week after, letting other magazines get some coverage before Spotlight dazzled the readers with an in-depth view of the festival, including dozens of photos and interviews.

Finn flipped another page over on his notepad and scribbled down Sue’s last instructions to make sure to wear crisp black clothes. He looked up when she went quiet, and watched as Quinn moved around to flip the papers over on the table, taking a black editing pencil to make some corrections.

“Okay, Finn, I don’t want to completely overwhelm you, so you can leave and work on all that for now. Grant or Rae will let you know if I need anything else, and I’m sure Quinn will utilize her title and demand your attention.” Sue smiled as Finn laughed quietly. She cocked an eyebrow. “Do you have any questions?”

Finn shook his head. “No, ma’am.” Sue nodded once before moving from the table and making her way over to Grant’s desk. Finn watched as the other man organized brightly colored folders between his desk and the vacant one next to his. Sue picked up a loud magenta folder, the color clashing with the sleeves of the olive-green top she wore. She and Grant began talking and Finn turned around to look at Quinn.

She looked up from the edits and smiled. “Why don’t you head out and get some coffee for us, and maybe something to nibble on as we work.” Finn nodded and went back to his desk for his jacket, shrugging into it as he made his way out and away from the building. This was going to be the best job.

~.~.~.~

Finn rushed into Fletcher’s at half past eight, hoping Suzanne would still be there. Once in the open area, he saw her at the bar with a drink in hand, smiling flirtatiously at the woman behind the bar. Finn rolled his eyes with a smile and remembered they weren’t dating. He smoothed out his wind-tussled hair and walked over to the chatting ladies.

The bartender noticed Finn first, her quizzical glance causing Suzanne to turn and look at him. A wide grin broke out on her face and she used her glass to beckon him closer. He got to the stool next to her, sitting down as she ordered two of the same drink she was finishing, one for each of them. Finn unwrapped his scarf to let it hang over his shoulders and watched the barkeep turn with a frown to go make their drinks. He shook his head and looked at Suzanne, her lips turned up in a wicked grin.

“She looks like she’d be fun. You can’t have me all to yourself, Mr. Nelson.” She winked at Finn and he just smirked. The bartender headed their way with the drinks, so Suzanne pulled a pen from somewhere to write something on a napkin. The barkeep set the glasses down while Suzanne put her pen away. She pulled out a couple bills and handed them to the woman, slipping the napkin with her phone number under the money. The other woman’s eyes widened before she winked at Suzanne and walked away.

Suzanne sat up straighter and began to sip on her second beverage, looking around the pub. Finn laughed. “You should teach classes on how to pick up a date.” Suzanne looked back at him with a smile. “That would be fun. I would train a class how to score twice in one night with two different people.” Her smile turned naughty and Finn could feel the blush warming his cheeks.

“Are you going to use tonight as an example?” Suzanne shrugged and took another sip, looking away. Finn had almost forgotten. He picked up the cold glass and took a gulp, grateful for the chilled temperature of the strong drink. Suzanne began to talk again after looking at him. “Maybe. I give it another hour or so before we finish the evening at… I’m going to guess my place. I can ask when Lauren is off tonight, and send you on your way as she comes my way.”

Suzanne grinned as Finn shook his head with a laugh, taking another large drink of the strong concoction she ordered for him. Even though she said it in a light tone, Finn was almost positive she meant every word. He knew that there were no strings between the two of them, but that would be one lay right after the other. Some people can juggle that, Finn supposed, but he didn’t think he was the type of person who could. He grinned and continued drinking, Suzanne starting up a conversation about something that happened at work. They compared notes, he told her about some of the stuff he had to do, and they ordered another round.

Once their second drinks were done, they both agreed it was time to call it a night. They made quick work of paying and leaving, Suzanne confirming with the bartender of their later plans. Outside, Finn waved for a taxi and they made their way to her flat. They took the familiar route up, Finn’s pulse racing as they neared her door. The last time he got laid was three months ago when he and Suzanne decided it was best to keep things professional.

They made their way inside and wasted no time removing their outerwear and undressing each other. They walked through the loft-like flat and found themselves around a partition and next to Suzanne’s bed, both naked and eager to proceed with the night’s activities. He kissed her and they fell to the mattress.

~.~.~.~

Finn sat on a little stool as he laced up his trainers next to Suzanne’s couch. She was in the kitchen to his left, so he watched her move around, covered only in a thin robe. It clung to her body, and Finn could remember clearly what was underneath. He took a breath and stood up, collecting his jacket and scarf from the back of the couch.

As Suzanne put the kettle over a burner, Finn cleared his throat for her attention. She turned to him with a smile and walked over, reaching out to position the scarf around his neck. She patted his chest and moved back as he put on his jacket, crossing her arms.

“Thanks for a great night, Finn.” Suzanne winked as Finn blushed at her compliment.

“Yeah, uh, I loved it.” Finn cringed at his response, but it was the truth. Sex with Suzanne was always stellar. He didn’t have tons of experience, but she was definitely the best.

Suzanne pushed up on her toes slightly and gave him a long kiss before moving back into the kitchen with a large smile. Finn licked his lips before wishing her a good night and leaving, shutting the door behind him. He stood on her doorstep for a moment, letting the chilly air settle around him. Well, that was a perfect ending to a perfect day. Finn smiled widely before walking down the steps and heading to the curb to find a cabbie at almost midnight.

After only about ten minutes, one came into view and Finn was able to flag it down. He gave the man his address and shut the door as he buckled in. The driver grunted before lighting a cigarette and driving away slowly. Finn shrugged and took out one of his own ciggies, lighting it up as he took the small blue notepad from his jacket pocket. He flipped through the pages, seeing the blue check marks next to things he’d completed.

He got to the page detailing the food cart staffing problem and reread it, wondering who Ray was. Ray, Ray, Ray. His mind wandered as he contemplated what the man looked like while he knocked ash from his cigarette out of the window.

With a neat desk like Ray’s, probably a little reserved. Maybe tall. He would have jet black hair and a long beard and wore nothing but tailored suits. Finn snorted at the image in his mind of the mysterious Ray, wondering when they would meet. He flipped the notebook shut, stuffing it into his jacket pocket as the cabbie pulled in front of his building. He took one last drag on his cigarette before opening the door and flicking the butt away, exhaling at the same time. He paid the man and began the short walk to his flat as his mind wandered.

Ray, Ray, Rae. He stopped in place at his thoughts. It was the same name, but… he thought of someone else, a subconscious correction from the back of his mind. Memories tried to flood his brain, but he shook them away, continuing his trek across the lawn. However you spell his name, I’ll meet him tomorrow, hopefully.

Finn crossed the threshold of his flat and shut the door with a quiet click of the latch. He locked it and hung his keys on the small hook next to the door. He flung his jacket across the back of a dining chair, ignoring the coat rack just inches away from him collecting dust. After kicking off his trainers in the direction of the door, Finn walked the short distance to his room. He walked in and as soon as he turned the light on and continued walking, he tripped over something. He fell to the floor with a loud oof, banging his knee and elbow hard. Sucking in a breath through his teeth, Finn sat up and leaned against his bed. He pouted as he rubbed his elbow tenderly, but knew he had no one to blame but himself. He looked at the offending item and sighed, recognizing it as the towel from the morning.

Finn shook his head and pushed himself up, wincing slightly as his knee popped. He used his foot to scoot loose items against the wall to prevent another trip. Or I could actually clean my room for once. He looked at the little clock next to his bed and rolled his eyes. Maybe when it isn’t after midnight.

After undressing, he got into bed, and burrowed under the cool sheets as his body heat warmed them. He made sure the alarm was set on his clock before reaching up to flip the second light switch to cut the lights. Finn took a deep breath and shut his eyes, hoping he would knock out. He began to count to a hundred, only making it to ten before falling asleep.

Chapter Text

Finn still couldn’t believe how much closer he was to work now. No riding the tube anymore, no dealing with the combination of foot and body odor, no wondering if he should be on his guard. Now, he had a scenic twenty-minute walk, replete with the hustle and bustle of the city, sounds of the birds singing in their trees, glorious amounts of fresh air.

He adjusted his bag over his shoulder and gripped the strap tighter as he took in a deep breath. It had been a whirlwind of a week, leaving and gaining a job in the span of three days. It still felt like he would wake up, that this was all some weirdly specific dream that went on forever. Finn smiled before getting a ciggie and lighter from his pockets. He was halfway to work, so he had enough time to finish a smoke and be there early.

Before Finn had left the day before, around six in the evening, Quinn asked him to be there in the morning by eight thirty. Not wanting to disappoint, Finn made sure to start his walk to work at half to eight that morning. He assumed he would be getting very little sleep for the next two weeks, with all the work he still needed to complete.

He stopped in front of the staircase to work as he took the last drag on his second cigarette. He exhaled a large cloud of smoke and flicked the cigarette to the street. He took a deep breath and got inside the building quickly. It was warm and the first floor was busy, the employees of the smoke company, as Quinn explained it, were rushing back and forth between offices, everyone talking to each other at once. Finn got to the lift and requested it, turning to the office on the left with an open door. He looked in curiosity as employees stood around a table with brightly coloured lights.

The lift dinged open for him and Finn entered, pressing the third-floor button. He zoned out to the elevator muzak and moved to the office when prompted. Quinn’s surprised look when he walked in was the best gift a new guy could get on his second day. The surprise turned to appreciation as she moved from an editing table to meet Finn at his desk. He grinned and set his things down on the desk, realizing he never unpacked his box yesterday.

“I like a man who gets up early.”

Finn turned and smiled with Quinn as she took in his appearance. “And you don’t look like you just rolled out of bed, either. Very impressive, Mr. Nelson.” Quinn winked at him before turning back to what she was working on. Finn removed his heavy fleece-lined denim jacket, hanging it and his scarf over the back of his chair. He retrieved his notepad and pen before heading over to Quinn. She stood at the editing table, tapping a thick red pencil against her lips as she contemplated the layout drawn before her. Without looking away, she addressed Finn. “Looking at this mock-up, do you think it would be better to move some of these photos–” Quinn leaned forward and drew a circle around three blank squares on the right, drawing accompanying arrows to the left, “–to the left side? It would take some space away from the headline and caption, but we could tweak the font. That way, we have more space for the interviews.”

She turned to him with an expectant look and Finn cleared his throat before studying the large paper. He wasn’t used to being asked to help with Creative beyond setting up shoots and interviews, maybe giving his opinion on layout when it was asked. He looked at the draft of the magazine, able to see Quinn’s vision regarding the pictures.

“I think that’s a good idea. It would give the left a stronger focal point, drawing the reader in.” Finn looked up at Quinn and smiled tentatively, hoping she didn’t realize he was pulling that from thin air. She grinned and pointed at him. “Great work. Now,” Quinn dropped her pencil and walked away from the table, beckoning Finn with a wave of her hand. He followed, taking in the peacefully quiet and half-lit office around him.

They made it to the small storage closet at the back of the room, Quinn requesting Finn’s help with pulling down a wide and tall cardboard box from the top shelf. He did so, huffing as it was heavier than expected. He followed his boss back to the lit-up table, waiting as she cleared it off. He set the box down and Quinn peeled off tape before pushing the flaps away. Finn peered over Quinn’s shoulder as she rustled through the large pile of what looked like papers. He watched her get deeper in the box, giving him very much a Mary Poppins vibe.

Quinn made a victorious sound and straightened up, pulling a large mock-up from the pile. It was just like the one she and Finn had just discussed, but this version was on cardstock and fully in color. Quinn placed the project on the table, and Finn realized it was the final edit of the layout for a previous issue.

“What will you do with that?”

Quinn looked up at Finn’s question before looking away and pulling a pen and sticky pad from her smock’s pocket. She scribbled something and stuck it to the board before speaking. “They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, so I’m flattering my team.” Finn crinkled his brow in confusion and Quinn laughed quietly.

“I’m making a dumb joke. We worked on this issue last year, and I am getting some ideas to use for the one we’re completing now.”

“I guess what they say about art not being original anymore is true.” Quinn snorted at Finn’s response, and he smiled before flipping his notebook open to a blank page. He needed Quinn’s input before the meeting later at ten so he wouldn’t look like a complete fool in front of his new team.

“I was having some trouble yesterday getting a solid answer from KQR about airing some of the fest. They dogged me most of the day, which is weird because I know Benny from a while back. Anyway, do you think we even need them? I have four confirmed stations, which is a solid amount.”

Quinn tapped her chin for a moment. “I think you’re right. To be honest, they’ll probably come back and ask for coverage, so don’t worry.” She winked and turned back to the layout. Finn heard a clatter near the entrance and quickly looked over, spotting the peppy intern with an odd name as she shuffled inside. Is it Dany? Daisy? Finn contemplated the woman as she walked their way, small plastic box secured in both hands. Quinn made a pleased hum before moving from the table to meet her.

“Ah, Delly, my favourite twenty-year-old. Thank you for bringing me your mum’s kit. She’ll never know how it saved my life!” Delly rolled her eyes at the dramatics and moved past Quinn, shooting Finn a bright smile on her way to Quinn’s desk.

Definitely need to remember that. Delly, Delly Delly.

More noise sounded from the entrance and Finn watched as Sue and Grant came in together, talking to each other quietly as they moved to her office, totally oblivious to the room. Finn looked at his watch, surprised to see that it was almost nine. He glanced around the room and checked his watch again, wondering where everyone was. Maybe the lot of them won’t be in until the meeting starts in an hour.

Sue and Grant emerged from her office shortly after entering it, still in their outerwear. His new boss looked around the room for a moment before catching Quinn’s eye. Finn watched as they communicated nonverbally with hand gestures and nods, Sue and Grant out of the door before Finn could try to interpret the conversation. He watched through the glass as the two marched down the hall, heads still together as they moved out of sight. Finn shook his head and turned back to his desk, finally taking the time to organize his space.

Finn moved his chair to the side and rolled his sleeves up, hefting the large cardboard box off the ground and onto the desk. He pulled his things out methodically, trying to place them where he wanted to keep them instead of creating another pile. As he contemplated where to put the miniature globe Archie’d given him after his trip to Guam, Finn heard a ruckus behind him. He turned around and saw Quinn quickly moving to her desk. She put her coffee mug down almost violently, liquid sloshing out and onto her papers. She pulled something from her purse before rushing out the door and down the hall.

Finn blinked, his mind replaying the last two minutes. I wonder where she’s off to in a hurry. He shook the thought away and adjusted the globe into the corner, smiling at the gift. He focused again and made quick work of emptying the box, breaking it down once he was finished. As he was doing that, more people began to file into the office. He watched as they all chatted and went to their respective desks. Grant was back without Sue, a confused look on his face as he stood and stared at the door. Finn cocked an eyebrow and headed over, curious.

“What’s got you lookin’ like that, Grant?” The other man turned toward Finn in contemplation. Finn smiled, hoping to illicit a response. The younger man sighed. “I just had the weirdest thing happen. I was walking back from the loo when–”

“Grant! I need your help, it’s almost a quarter until ten!” Both men turned to the entrance and saw Sue rush in with folders under her arm, some papers dangerously close to falling to the ground. Grant sighed and shrugged at Finn before moving quickly to meet his boss at his desk. Finn saw Sue spill the folders on the desk, sliding them around until she found the one she needed. She handed it to Grant, followed by three more. Finn watched as Sue perused the content of the folders, shaking or nodding her head while giving them to Grant.

Finn looked up to see the clock above Sue’s office click to the ten-hour mark, an alarm going off in what sounded like the office. He heard Sue groan at the noise, but she didn’t stop sorting folders to turn it off. It continued, and Finn wasn’t sure if he should do something when he saw Grant put the neat pile of folders on the desk before heading to the office to cut the alarm and returning.

Quinn stepped back inside the office at that moment, looking a little pale and shaken. Finn was surprised as she walked over to Grant and Sue, a serious expression on her face. They all spoke in low voices and Quinn rearranged the folders on Grant’s desk, leaving only two from the five in the neat pile Grant made. She moved away to the desk by Grant’s and Finn frowned and realized that the infamous Ray was finally here, based on the messenger bag sitting in the chair.

I wonder how I missed him come into the office.

Focusing on his boss, Finn saw Quinn lift the bag from Ray’s chair and flip it open, removing a stack of thick envelopes and folders fashioned together neatly with rubber bands. He thought it odd that she was rifling through the man’s things, but the meeting was almost running behind, so maybe Ray was preoccupied and asked Quinn to help him out. After all, it had been a couple days since he was last at the office, from what Finn knew. Quinn removed the elastic and all three people huddled together went over the folders, obviously deciding which ones were required at the meeting.

Oh, that may explain where Quinn rushed off to earlier. Maybe Ray needed her help or something.

Quinn stood up straight as they all agreed on what to bring from Ray’s pile. She smiled as she addressed the room. “Alright everyone, let’s head to Boardroom Two. Sue and I will be there momentarily.” Finn looked around and saw all of his peers collecting files and paperwork from their desks, and he suddenly felt underprepared.

Shit, I should have been getting ready for the meeting!

Finn quickly got together a notebook and pen from his desk, turned, and stopped. There were some drafted flyers he noticed sitting at the corner of his desk that he surely didn’t procure on his own. He looked around the room and saw Delly trying to catch his eye. Once she did, she gave him a small wave and pointed to the flyers he had in hand. He gave her a thumbs up, she returned it and made her way to the door. Finn realized he was one of the last people in the office and rushed after the intern.

They and a couple other people he couldn’t remember took the old lift up together. Finn realized that that the two men, Gerry and Tristan, were in his department. A large chunk of their jobs was meeting with the writers to get the layout right for their articles. Gerry was describing the best way to approach a writer when the lift dinged and sluggishly opened the doors.

The four of them exited as Gerry continued to talk about the perfect time to chat up the journalists, which apparently was an hour after lunch. They got to a large hexagonally shaped glass room with a door propped open, which is when Delly interrupted Gerry’s commentary abruptly with a cheery request to go inside. Finn trailed behind the other two and saw Delly’s chagrined expression as he passed her. She followed behind him quickly, getting close enough to whisper. “My advice is to never engage too much with Gerry. He’ll talk until the world ends.”

Finn chuckled quietly as she winked and took the seat on Quinn’s left. Both Quinn and Sue were at the head of the table, Grant opposite of Delly, sitting to the right of Sue. Finn looked around the room, seeing that there were at least a few chairs available. He walked to the other side of the room and closer to the window, wanting the natural light coming through. He sat down and put his things on the table like everyone else. He suddenly realized there were people he hadn’t met yet looking at him dubiously, perhaps unaware he’d been hired. Finn felt himself flush under their gazes, and resolutely focused on his bosses.

Sue cleared her throat, and the room went silent. She smiled and took a deep breath. “Good morning, Team. I’m glad everyone came in on time today. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel with this, and I know we can make it a killer weekend. As some of you have been with us for a while, you know how I can get during big projects. I promise to those who haven’t, I’m not mad at you, I have a million things running through my head,” She paused and grinned, “Well, not that mad.”

Everyone around the room made quiet noises of amusement, the nervous tension of the room dissipating. Sue clapped her hands. “Okay, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get down to business. I’m going to turn things over to Grant to discuss the skeleton of the upcoming issue and festival.”

She looked expectantly at her assistant, and he went right into his spiel, clearly familiar with Sue’s direct approach. Finn was impressed with how Grant commanded a room, feeling a twinge of shame at his perceived assumption of Grant.

“I want to talk about the issue first. As you all know, we are leaving most article spots open for the festival, which can be adjusted, depending on how much is written, and how much of it we like.” Grant took a moment to look up and wink, and most of the room broke out in quiet titters, obviously something office-related that Finn didn’t understand.

“If we need, I have a couple filler articles available. Since this isn’t a writers’ meeting, I’ll just give you all the article title, and Creative can make a rough draft of the issue with the stories. Ready?” Finn looked up from his notebook and saw others doing the same, waiting for Grant to give the article title. Once he had everyone’s attention, he pulled folders from the top of his stack, Finn recognizing them as the files he’d seen Quinn pulling from Ray’s bag earlier.

Hmm. Why is Ray writing if he works for Sue?

Grant took a deep breath, shuffling through the folders as he listed them off, “Foo Fighters: Fighting for What?, The Libertines: Liberate Us!, and The Placebo Effect. These are three that we might include in the issue if we don’t have enough content.”

Sue interrupted then. “Which shouldn’t be the case, right?” Everyone muttered an agreement and Sue sat back, giving the floor back to Grant.

He nodded as he put the folders back on the table. “Exactly, this is just in case we need the content. I will say, personally, that I’m glad we have the buffer from Rae’s articles. Not that I don’t trust our excellent writing team, but it feels nice having a writer on our team, as it were.”

Everyone mumbled similar sentiments and Finn was so confused. What was it about this Ray fellow that made everyone fall over for his work? He figured he’d have to read some of the articles and meet the man to understand everyone’s reactions.

Grant cleared his throat and Finn refocused, watching as the man picked up a notepad riddled with post-its and at least five different highlighter colors. He read from the paper quickly and Finn scribbled furiously in his notebook as he tried to follow along. Even writing fast, Finn missed the last item Grant brought up before Sue was thanking him and changing topics.

Damn it. I need to come up with a good shorthand for this place.

Sue described the remaining items still to be delivered by their suppliers, calling out two people on her team specifically to deal with the shipment. Finn followed along best he could, writing quick notes about the shipment for which they were waiting. However, Sue changed gears while he was still describing what shipment went to which employee, so he missed the last part of her explanation. He mentally sighed and looked around at his colleagues, apparently up to speed and paying attention. Things definitely moved quicker here than at Absolute, so he’d have to ask someone to share their notes.

Finn subtly surveyed the room, trying to find someone who’d be willing and friendly enough to turn over their notes. He noticed Delly writing furiously as Sue continued to talk, the massive puff ball attached to the end of her bright blue pen swaying to and fro violently. He saw how detailed her notes seemed, so he determined she’d be the one to ask. Also, Finn wouldn’t be upset if they happened to exchange numbers.

He shook his head and watched as Sue gestured to Quinn to continue, Sue obviously finished. Quinn stood up and slammed her hands against the table, making most of the room jump, Finn included. She grinned, “Now that everyone is paying attention again, let’s talk layout.” Quinn proceeded to describe her direction for the issue’s layout, putting heavy emphasis on photo sets. She mentioned the photographers by name enough that it was clear how high her expectations were set. Shit, Finn found himself thinking he should buy a camera, just in case.

The meeting continued along the same fast pace, Finn’s hand cramping in protest as he tried to notate as quickly as everyone spoke. Some of his colleagues were called upon, adding their own take on the topics of discussion, giving Finn even more to write. He knew that he wasn’t being challenged at his last job, but he felt wholly unprepared for a meeting of this calibre. Sweat began beading on his forehead and he knew he had to work at writing faster.

Looking up after finishing the word funds, Finn noticed Quinn packing up some of her stuff. Sue jumped back in. “Quinn has to start on something, so she’s leaving now. We’re almost done, though, so still those impatient knees, hmm?”

Sue looked up and Finn felt his leg stop jumping, amazed at her ability. When there was silence, Sue stood straight and spoke. “Okay, I need someone from Creative, preferably an artist, to go over the design for the insets. I want someone to commit by the end of this meeting, so you better start talking amongst yourselves.” She sent pointed glances at the group of four people huddled together at the other end, all of them whispering when she looked away and continued.

“Someone on my team needs to finalize access to the graphic artists working with us. Let me know the final list by the end of today, please, I need to work out their schedule.”

Finn finished his note and dropped his pen to the table, shaking the cramp from his hand. He saw Grant scribbling furiously, the two people to his right doing the same. He wondered how they got so good at keeping up with Sue. He listened as Sue listed off the final checklist for her team and let out a quiet breath. Finn was not envious of their jobs.

When Sue finished, reorganizing her folders as everyone jotted down their last notes, a hushed silence settled over the group. Finn expected it to get awkward, but the steadiness of the quiet remained as his colleagues finished their thoughts. He watched as Sue observed her employees momentarily before gathering all her things and making a quiet exit. Once everyone had collected their things, Finn and about ten of his new coworkers filed out of the room. It was a quick walk to the lift, everyone deciding it would take three trips to get back to the office.

Finn hung back and let others go ahead of him, tapping Delly on the shoulder when the group thinned out. She turned around and Finn pointed to the binders in her arms. “I was wondering if I could see some of your notes? I, uh, couldn’t write quickly enough.” Delly laughed a little and pulled the top notebook from the stack, handing it to Finn.

“It’ll be like that for a little bit, but you’ll get the hang of it.” Delly winked at Finn and he smiled back, appreciating the way her blonde hair shimmered as she shook it from her face. “And anyway, it’s just more stressful right now. Things will calm down next month.” The lift dinged and they joined two men Finn knew to work for Sue, but he couldn’t remember their names. Once all inside, the older man pushed their button and the doors slowly closed. The two guys started chatting with Delly about something, but Finn didn’t engage, trying to figure out who they were before they asked him something.

Okay, the younger guy is definitely a Drew. Or maybe David? Hm, possibly Dan. And could the older guy be Roger?

The lift stopped and Finn tapped back into the conversation as they exited. The dopey-looking guy was rolling his eyes at the other man’s comment about the tube. “Whatever, Richard, not all of us have the luxury of a wife who will pick us up every day.” Delly laughed and Richard groaned, muttering that he needed to work with more mature people. Finn smiled as the man walked ahead of them to the other group.

At least I got the first letter right.

Once inside the office, Finn’s ears perked up at Quinn’s mention of coffee. Delly moved closer to him and spoke quietly. “Just what we need, Quinn drinking more coffee.”

Finn laughed and Delly flashed him a bright smile before strutting ahead, Finn enjoying the view. He joined the congregation, making his way to the desk through the small crowd. There were four more cups on the desk, and Finn looked up to his boss.

“Hey, Quinn, what are the drinks?”

Quinn shrugged and took a sip from her own, peach lipstick staining the plastic lid. “Mine is chocolatey. They may all be like that, or there might be a variety. Rae bought them, so we know there was good judgment made regarding flavors.”

Finn raised an eyebrow but shrugged, reaching for the closest cup. As he took the lid off to inspect the contents, Finn saw flecks of something brown floating on top of the dark liquid, swirled lightly with milk. He frowned but took a hesitant sip, aware of Quinn staring at him. Wow. Finn took a larger sip, enjoying the bold bitterness of coffee, softened by a mixture of cinnamon and vanilla cream. He secured the lid back on the cup and faced Quinn with a smile. She returned it and hopped off the desk, moving silently to the large editing table close to the window.

Once Quinn left, his colleagues began to disperse and head to their respective areas. Meeting and coffee break over, it was time to get back to work. Finn followed suit, realizing as he took another gulp of his beverage that everyone was hanging out around Ray’s desk. Finn shook his head and thought incredulously, Where the hell is this guy?

Putting his mysterious coworker out of his mind, Finn made it to his desk and focused on comparing his notes to Delly’s, grateful for the woman’s tidy handwriting. She was able to get more info about things he needed, like the names of managers Sue had read out quickly, Finn only hearing two. Delly wrote down all twelve. He shook his head as he recorded the extra material, seriously impressed with the young intern.

Finn finished with her notebook quickly, not wanting to hang on to it for too long. He pushed away from his desk and stood up, making his way toward the window and to the right to Delly’s station. When he got there, the blonde was bending low over the desk, using a small magnifying glass to enhance something she was looking at in a black and white photo of Oasis. Finn took in the scene with a flush to his cheeks, averting his eyes from her arse, realizing that he might have been standing and staring. He cleared his throat and Delly stood up, turning with an oblivious smile. Finn smiled back and held out her notebook.

“Thanks again, I really appreciate it. You’re great at getting all the details down.” Delly took the proffered binder with a small laugh. “That’s nice of you. I’ve been working here for about seven months, so I’ve gotten used to the fast pace.”

She turned around and dropped the notebook on her desk. Finn almost left, but he saw her get a sticky note and pen together, scribbling something on the blue square before standing up. She faced him again and handed him the small paper. Finn stuck it to his forefinger, reading the collection of numbers. His eyebrows rose and he looked back to Delly, a flirtatious smile playing at her lips.

“That’s my number, if you ever need more help outside of work.”

Finn felt his cheeks getting warm and he chuckled nervously, tapping the sticky note. “Thanks, I’ll make sure to keep it safe.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Finn wanted to slam his head against the wall. Delly just laughed quietly. “Good, see that you do.” She turned back to her desk then, obviously dismissing Finn.

Once Finn was back at his desk, he made sure to put Delly’s number in his messenger bag, not wanting to ask her for it again. He exchanged the note with a small black notebook, a spectrum of contacts within its pages. He set it on the desk next to the notes from the meeting for further review. Before getting into his call sheet, however, he realized that he needed to get another name and phone number from Sue’s contacts for the merch stands. He scooted out from his desk and made his way over to Sue’s office.

Finn lifted his hand to knock, but before he could make contact with the door, it swung open to show two people standing in the doorway. One was Sue and the other a slightly shorter woman with long brown hair and pale skin. Her eyes widened and mouth fell open as she looked at Finn. He couldn’t recognize the woman at first, her face covered in bruises and body bandaged up. But as she moved her sight up along his face, and then quickly looked away from him, it felt like a tonne of bricks fell on his chest.

It can’t be…

“Rae?” Finn whispered, completely shocked. He was stuck in place, everything around him disappearing and his vision tunneling in on the woman in front of him. There was no way it was her. Of all the places in the world, how could he run into Rae at his new job? It just couldn’t be the case, he had to be mistaken. She would probably correct him, and things would be–

“Hiya.” The mumbled response shot through Finn and he thought he was going to faint. It was her. It was Rae. Rae was standing right in front of him.

“You two know each other?” Sue’s surprised voice barely made it into his awareness, eyes focused solely on Rae. All he could see was the right arm in a sling, a bandage peeking from under her left sleeve, a purple shirt hanging off her frame, the bruises and cuts on her face burned into his memory.

“Jesus Christ, what happened to you? Are you all right?” He asked the question without forethought, the idea of her being hurt that badly turning his stomach and rendering him unable to filter his words. She looked up finally at his question, and it was undeniably Rae standing in front of him. Finn moved his gaze all over her body, unable to fully comprehend what was going on. God, the bruises, and stiches on her face… He could almost feel the pain himself and couldn’t fathom what had happened to her.

Once his perusal of her face slowed, they locked eyes and the room almost melted away. Her eyes were the same exact shade of hazel from his memories. The lashes that had once tickled his face were as long as ever, framing her sad eyes. Finn felt his heart beat faster, confusion and hurt and surprise running through him at rapid speeds.

“She was in a car accident. So, you two know each other?”

Sue’s clear voice cut through Finn’s stupor, helping to shake away the cloudiness of his mind. He looked between the two women, nodding slowly as other emotions began to emerge within him against his will. He locked eyes with Rae, the shock morphing into a white-hot anger, slowly boiling under his skin. Without meaning to, he found himself partly glaring at Rae, throwing a curt Yes to Sue’s question. Rae’s face fell at his response, and the anger waned momentarily, giving room to concern, driving him mad with the flip of emotions. He felt the need to step forward without knowing why, to try and tell her something.

“Rae…”

But as Finn made that step forward, Rae backed away from him suddenly, surprising him into stillness. Sue quickly situated herself between them, crossing her arms. Finn met Sue’s eyes and blushed at the suspicion present in them, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, “Sorry.” He directed the apology to Sue, but immediately looked over her shoulder to lock eyes with Rae.

“What… What are you doing here?” Confusion colored his question, still so unsure of the present situation. Anger and confusion mingling with hurt started to give Finn a headache. Was it even real? Was this just a very elaborate dream meant to mess with his head before starting a new job?

“What are you doing here?”

Immediately annoyed at Rae’s response, Finn set his mouth into a hard line and spoke deliberately. “I work here, obviously. Do you?”

“Yes.”

The air around them was tense, but Finn couldn’t tear himself away from observing her. He studied her as best as he could, concern growing stronger the longer he stared at the bruises on her face. He still felt like he was in the Twilight Zone, like if he blinked and believed hard enough, the situation would dissolve and he would be sitting at his desk, going over his notes.

Rae took a stuttering breath before looking away, solidifying the fact that she was truly in front of him. He watched her blink repeatedly, assumingly to rid herself of the tears he saw building on her lower lid. Her throat moved sporadically as she took in shallow breaths through her nose. She was trying so hard to hold it together.

“What’s going on?”

Quinn’s quiet voice startled Finn, tearing him from his study of Rae. He looked at his boss as she settled in next to Sue, crossing her arms over her smock. Sue continues with Quinn’s line of questioning. “Good question, Quinn. Will one of you please tell us what’s going on now?”

Finn looked at Sue, trying to think of what to tell them. Well, you see, Rae and I were madly in love when we were younger. Then one day I woke up to find her gone, disappeared in the middle of the night. What a terrible idea. He felt the time stretching and getting more awkward, but he was stunned into silence. Suddenly, Rae’s small voice sounded, and Finn almost wished she would have stayed quiet.

“Finn and I… knew each other when we were younger.”

The anger quickly manifested itself once again within Finn, and he felt a fire directed at Rae. He knew it was obvious on his face when her eyes widened, and she looked away quickly. Quinn began to question Rae, surprise coloring her words. “Really? Why didn’t you say anything?”

Rae shrugged and replied, voiced annoyed. “How was I supposed to know, Quinn? There are plenty people named Finn.”

Finn’s brow furrowed as he became more upset with how this conversation was going. Rae and Quinn had a back and forth, the younger woman blaming her agitation on the surprise of the moment. The statement flipped something on inside Finn, his response cutting and mean. “Yeah, and when you kept talking about Rae, I just assumed it was a man since no one indicated otherwise. I mean, it’s not like she has made it a point to keep in touch.”

Rae refused to look at him, and it made his blood boil even more. He felt a yearning to shout and throw things, so he abruptly turned and walked away, deciding to have a cigarette and calm down. He moved swiftly through the office and down to the end of the corridor, pushing the lift button. His hand jumped on his thigh as he waited impatiently for the lift to arrive, mind running in circles as he hoped no one was following him. The lift doors opened slowly, allowing him entry. As he rode it down to the first floor, he kept playing the interaction over in his head. It felt as if his whole world flipped upside down in ten minutes.

Shaking his head as the lift stopped and opened the doors, Finn moved quickly through the hallway to the entrance. He pushed open the left front door and pulled a cigarette and lighter from his front pocket, lighting and taking a deep drag before the door closed behind him. He wanted to be as far away as possible from the situation, and after looking around, settled on the front steps as a reasonable compromise. He sat down on one of the large cement slabs and knocked his ash onto the ground. It was chilly out, perfectly matching Finn’s mood as he chain-smoked and shivered. He acknowledged the thought with a chuckle, flicking the butt of his ciggie to the sidewalk then immediately pulling a fresh one from his pocket.

As he lit his second cigarette, a petite shadow came over him, and he looked up to see Quinn standing there. Before he could stand to meet her, Quinn sat down next to him, holding her hand out silently. He handed her the lighter and a cigarette, and she set it ablaze before looking at Finn. He took the proffered lighter from her dainty fingers as she moved her head and exhaled away from him. He looked to the street once more, watching little leaves floating in puddles and getting stuck on the sidewalk.

“Sorry about all that back there. I’m sure you’re quite in the surprised state.”

Finn’s only response was a grunt and a drag on his cigarette. Quinn sighed and they smoked in silence for a little while. It wasn’t an awkward silence, so Finn started to feel badly about his behaviour. He licked dry lips before gesturing to Quinn without looking at her.

“You know, we don’t know each other very well. I don’t like to talk about personal things with people I’ve just started working with. No offense, I can tell you’re a good person.”

Finn finally looked at his boss, their eyes meeting as Quinn took another drag. She shrugged and spoke around an exhale of smoke. “It’s okay. I just don’t want you to feel like Sue and I aren’t in your corner. We just feel protective of Rae, she’s like family.” Finn couldn’t help but scoff, looking away as he finished his cigarette and placed it in the ashtray. He stood up, feeling ready to end this conversation and focus on work.

He looked at Quinn where she sat with an inquisitive expression. Finn shook his head and sighed. “Look, she and I have some history. I’d rather just focus on work while I’m here, and I’m sure she’s more than happy to do the same.”

“But you will have to work together. Are you going to be able to put aside whatever differences there are to do that?”

“Of course, Quinn. I would never jeopardize my job over some ancient history.” Quinn raised an eyebrow but stayed silent. She continued smoking as Finn collected himself to go back upstairs, waving at him slightly when he got to the door and looked back. He made it up to the office in somewhat of a daze, a sense of trepidation settling into his bones as he neared the frosted door. He opened the door slowly and made his way into the office.

Almost immediately he looked in Rae’s direction, hoping she wasn’t paying attention but knew she would be watching him. He stared at her for a long moment, uneasy about the mixed bag of emotions raging through him. He tore his gaze away when he got to his desk, brain foggy on his duties at that moment. He tried to focus by pulling the merchant folder from his top left drawer, and familiarizing himself with whom he’d be working.

He was sure that all day his thoughts would be filled of nothing but trying to figure out what the hell he was going to do.

~.~.~

It was a chillier evening once the clouds move in, and Finn burrowed deeper into his jacket as he walked outside. It was six-thirty and half of the office was meandering out of the building; Creative and some writers mingling together as they left. Finn remembered right in that moment that Quinn had invited him to join some of the team at a local pub. He groaned quietly, wanting nothing more than to go home and wash off the day. He made it to the sidewalk and was about to pull out a cigarette when he noticed Rae standing on the curb, clearly waiting for someone.

He stilled for a moment as he contemplated just walking home, but the urge to talk to her was too great and he found himself walking up to her. He pushed his hands into the pockets of his jacket and settled in next to her, breath steady and air quiet. He suspected she wouldn’t say anything, so it fell to him to start to conversation. Assuming he wanted one, maybe this was as far as he would go to communicate with her.

“So, how long have you been here?” The question fell from Finn’s lips almost without thought. A part of him didn’t want the answer, and as the silence between them grew, he started to feel she wasn’t going to tell him.

“Almost five years.”

Finn didn’t look at her, staring blankly at a closed building across the street that promoted an old dance studio. The paint was starting to chip around the windows.

Now that they were talking, Finn couldn’t end it. “Where were you before you moved into the city?” The questions that popped into his head had been bubbling in his mind for years, and he couldn’t stop talking now that they’d started. Rae was quiet for a moment before answering in the same quiet tone. “Not that far from here. Maybe thirty minutes away.”

“You moved here on your own?”

“No, I moved in with someone who lives here.” Finn’s head snapped around and he stared at Rae, taking in her profile. She still looked as bad as earlier, the side of her face swollen and bruised. Her scarf was wrapped tightly against her neck, probably hiding more injuries. Anger and pain swirled within Finn at Rae’s answer, the fact that she wasn’t alone sinking deep into his heart.

“Who?” Without trying, Finn’s tone was hurt, and it must have caught Rae off guard, because she moved her gaze and locked eyes with him. She also seemed to be going through emotions, and it all seemed too much to Finn. Rae finally looked away, staring at something down the road as she answered. “A man. Someone I met waiting tables outside the city.”

Finn’s jaw clenched at the reveal and he felt his breathing rise slightly. Another man.

“Are you still with him?”

“Yes.”

Finn nodded and pushed away the overwhelming pain he felt at the admission. Unable to look at Rae any longer, he turned his gaze back to the dance studio with one more question. “Are you happy?”

A brief pause before Rae’s sad response cut through him. “Who is these days?” His gaze jumped back to Rae, but he was prevented from commenting further when a small silver car stopped in front of them, Quinn calling from the driver’s side. Rae hurried into the car and Finn declined a ride home, preferring the walk to calm himself. He turned from the car as they got situated, popping his collar against the bitter wind. He waved at Grant, stopping when the younger man made his way over. He confirmed with Finn for the pub in an hour before saying goodbye and heading to the bus stop.

As Finn walked home, his mind moved at lightning speeds, trying to put together how his life had been tilted so dramatically in the last few hours. Images of his friends and family swirled in his mind, Natalie’s confused face as she inquired after Rae; the tears in Linda and Karim’s eyes when he told them Rae had gone; the anger Chloe felt as she threw a photo of them together in the trash. Finn had to blink quickly, fighting the urge to cry because of his overwhelming emotions.

The familiar scraggly lawn of his building appeared as Finn turned onto his street, and he moved faster, breaking out into a jog just to get home faster. He jumped the staircase two steps at a time, panting slightly as he got to his door. He unlocked it and stepped inside quickly, shutting and locking the door before leaning against it. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the cold wood, unable to stop his brain for even a moment.

He was so confused about what Rae was doing there. Hurt that she seemed to have moved on. Mad that she didn’t seem contrite. Upset at her new life. Miserable that he still felt so strongly about the situation. Angry that Rae ruined things with her family. Sad for her situation.

His eyes popped open and he shook his head, moving from the door to the kitchen to put on the kettle. Once the water was almost boiling, Finn removed all outerwear and threw it near the kitchen table. He chucked his boots near the door and stuffed his feet into slippers, stomping down the hallway to change into clothes for the night and to use the bathroom. Once finished, he made his way to the living room, mind still running through the day’s events. Listless, he tidied up in the living room and kitchen until the kettle screamed it was ready. When the tea bag was steeping and he was still, Finn didn’t know what to do.

He found himself picking up his mug and walking to the kitchen phone at the corner of the counter to ring Archie’s flat. He waited as the receiver beeped with each unanswered ring, fingers tapping against his mug on the counter. Just as he was about to hang up, a noise sounded on the other end and a man said hello in a tired voice. Finn smiled at James’ greeting.

“Hiya James, it’s Finn. Is Archie around?”

“Yeah, gimme ‘sec.”

A tinny thud sounded through the phone as he set the phone down to retrieve Archie. Finn took the tea bag out of the mug and had a couple sips of his tea as he waited, the earl grey bitterer than he liked. He made a face but sighed, figuring he could use the extra strength. He situated the receiver between his ear and shoulder as he brought honey from the cupboard and stirred into his tea a spoonful. Spoon in the sink and honey away, Finn rearranged the receiver just as Archie spoke on the other end.

“Finn, is it you?”

“Hey Arch, how goes it?”

“Not too bad, mate! Things are about the same at my work. James moved to stage lead…”

Finn nodded as his friend listed off different things that happened in his life recently. They spoke a little over a month ago, so there wasn’t much for Archie to catch Finn up on. The conversation lulled, Finn trying to figure out what he should say, since he was the one who called in the first place. In the silence, Archie cleared his throat.

“What ‘bout you? What has you calling?”

Finn wasn’t sure himself. Did he want to tell Archie? Did they all have a right to know that he’d found Rae?

“I…”

“Yeah?”

Archie prompted Finn when he fell silent again. Damn but he couldn’t figure how to spit it out. Maybe Archie shouldn’t know at the moment. Maybe he should find out what’s going on before saying anything. Finn shook his head and took a sip of tea then replied.

“Sorry, I just had a long day today. I’ve actually had a long few days.”

“Tell me about it.”

Finn proceeded to use the next twenty minutes telling Archie about his whirlwind of a weekend. He described Quinn and Sue, mentioned how he was interested in asking out Delly, working the music festival. Finn told Archie all of the expected things of a new job, and he only felt a small twinge of guilt for keeping such a huge secret from his best friend. Archie was excited for him, telling him they needed to come down for a weekend visit to celebrate. Finn warmed at the idea of his friends coming to see him, but he threw Archie off for the time being, citing a busy schedule with work. He needed time to figure out what to do.

They said their goodbyes, promising to call more frequently, like they always did. Once the phone was hung up, Finn drained the rest of his tea and set the mug in the sink. He glanced at the wall clock and busied himself with getting his shoes and outerwear together for the night. He adjusted his wallet and ciggies in his pockets, picking up his keys from the tray before leaving the flat and locking up. As he descended the staircase, Rae’s bruised and stitched face floated in his mind, colouring his thoughts until he made it to the pub.

~.~.~

Finn spotted Quinn at the entrance smoking a cigarette, waving to catch her eye as he got closer. She noticed him and motioned for him to join her. Finn forced himself to push thoughts of Rae out of his head and focus on having a night out with new colleagues. He bummed a cigarette from Quinn, lighting it as they made their way into the pub. There was a large round table near the back where a congregation of employees drank together. He and Quinn reached the gathering, and everyone welcomed Finn, someone pushing a pint into his hand. He took a sip of the cold and frothy brew and tried to get into the swing of meeting people.

A couple of writers started a conversation with him, talking about his previous work and the city. Finn finished his beer and put the empty glass on the table as Grant got their pitcher refilled. Finn answered a question posed by his coworker, whose name he had promptly forgotten. Quinn made her way to their little clique, adding to Finn’s smoke with her own. They chatted about music, a debate starting over which Stones albums was better. Finn half-listened as they discussed, not interested in the subject. He watched the barkeep walk back and forth between her patrons, smile bright and voice loud. Her pink hair shimmered under the lights, and Finn watched as dust particles drifted around her head when she moved.

A hand hit Finn’s chest and he looked back to the group, everyone staring at him expectantly. He flushed and cleared his voice. “Sorry, what were we talking about?” Quinn laughed and took a sip of the amber liquid sloshing about in her tumbler. Her speech was slightly slurred as she repeated her question. “I asked which album you prefer.”

Finn sighed and took a final drag from his cigarette before putting it out in the ashtray next to his glass, “I’m not a huge fan of their music, but I guess I like Sticky Fingers.” A couple people hummed and started comparing that album to other groups. Grant made his way to the table then, refilling Finn’s glass and handing it to him. He took a sip as the conversation moved on to other classic rock, someone mentioning Neil Young’s album Looking Forward.

Finn exclaimed and gestured with his pint to the group. “Oh yeah! That’s the reason I applied. I read the issue with his interview.” Everyone blinked at him in confusion. His face heated up and he laughed uncomfortably. “Sorry. The Spotlight issue with Ash on the cover, and an interview with Neil Young? Ringing any bells?”

Quinn snapped her fingers and finished her cigarette, speaking through smoke. “I remember what you’re talking about. That was almost a year ago, where did you find it?”

Finn took another gulp from his glass, feeling warmer and looser. “I found it when I was riding the tube home. I was really impressed, which is why I applied. But I have a question for ya, since I assume it’s your idea. Some of the articles had initials and full names. What’s up with that?”

Quinn heaved a deep sigh and finished her drink before setting it on the table forcefully. Some people laughed and she dropped her head onto Finn’s shoulder and began to speak. “I thought it would be cool to use initials for the writer who filled in for an article, like H. P. Lovecraft or T. S. Eliot. But comparing them to older issues, I’ve realized it just looks silly. This next issue will be the change. Why, interested in someone’s piece?”

Finn shrugged as he finished the rest of his beer. “Not particularly, just curious.” Quinn nodded and got out two cigarettes, handing one to Finn. They smoked and drank together, talking about whatever popped into their heads. He got on well enough with everyone, and they all knew how to have a good time. Finn would be surprised if they didn’t do this frequently. He gave in to some chiding and sat down for a couple games of table football. Another beer was set next to him, so he drank and was merry, and tried to keep nagging thoughts far away.

Try as he might, though, Finn couldn’t get burning questions out of his mind. He sat some thirty minutes later and watched his new coworkers take over the game, standing up to join Quinn at the edge of the bar. She smiled when he came over and swirled her glass around, mixing the contents together before bringing it to her lips for a drink. Finn settled into her left and leaned against the bar, tapping her glass when she held it out to his for a cheers. He stood there in silence with her, listening to the classic rock pumping through the speakers.

Us and Them began to play through the pub and Finn suddenly thought of that one summer afternoon where his dad played his Pink Floyd records for Finn and Rae, the three of them chatting the day away and sharing a small joint his dad introduced with the utmost secrecy. Later in the night, long after his dad had gone to bed, he and Rae lay together on his bed, sweaty and naked, and whispered sweet nothings to each other.

Finn clenched his glass harder and felt a flare of anger zing through him at the memory. He looked at Quinn, glaring at her distracted and amused expression as she watched the game get heated between coworkers. Unduly, he felt upset with her part in Rae’s new life. Did Rae tell her everything? Maybe it was the booze, but questions began flooding Finn’s mind until he reached out and tapped Quinn on the shoulder. She turned to him, her eyebrows raising and smile dimming at his expression.

“Are you okay, Finn?”

He nodded. “How long have you known Rae?”

Quinn stopped smiling and faced him completely. She regarded Finn for a moment before finishing her drink and setting the heavy glass on the bar. She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, Finn growing more impatient by the second. Right before he said something, Quinn pulled a cigarette from her dress pocket and lit it as she spoke. “I’ve known Rae about three years. How long have you known her?”

Finn ignored the question. “How well do you know her?”

Quinn said nothing, looking at Finn with serious but bleary eyes. She sighed and took a drag of her cigarette, looking away to exhale. She flicked ash into the ashtray on the bar before speaking. “I’m not going to be your mole and tell you everything about Rae. In fact, there isn’t a lot I’ll probably tell you, so I’ll be upfront with ya there.” The slurred aspect of her speech made it sound less serious, and Finn found himself lightening up, realizing they were at a pub and he was prying. He took a long drag on his beer, finishing it as it started to warm in his hand. Setting the glass down, Finn looked at Quinn and shrugged.

“Fair enough.”

Quinn nodded hesitantly, clearly unsure of her footing. Finn regretted the whole thing and wished he had shut up and never said anything at all. However, after just a few more breaths, Quinn began to speak. “I can’t claim to know your history, as Rae hasn’t said a word about you. All I’ll say is that I know she’s from a small town and loves music and writing, and she’s an amazing person.” Finn frowned and looked away, feeling very differently on the subject. Quinn sighed and reached out a hand, gripping Finn’s forearm briefly before speaking again. “I understand that you may not think so, but it’s true.”

Finn shook his head and spoke, ignoring Quinn’s last statement. “What about her… the person she lives with?” He just couldn’t bring himself to say the word, to think about it. With a shaky breath, he reached into his pocket for a cigarette and lit it, taking a deep drag as he waited for Quinn to answer. She frowned but answered. “His name is Liam. We’ve met him a few times, at business functions and such, some parties. Quiet lad but friendly enough. Rae doesn’t really mention him much.”

Finn continued smoking, not wanting to give away the tremor that would be in his voice, were he to speak. He licked his cracked lips as he contemplated her words. Quiet but friendly enough. I wonder what Rae sees in a person like that. Quinn snapped her fingers and Finn blinked, realizing his hand was poised in midair with the cigarette lifted to his mouth, body still as his mind raced. He shook his head and took a drag from the ciggie, ash falling from the end onto his shoes.

Finn looked at his boss and exhaled the smoke, speaking to her after a cough. “Do you know anything about Rae’s car accident?”

Quinn sighed as she answered. “Not really, other than she was in the road for a brief moment and then was hit by a car.” She cocked an eyebrow and leaned against the bar with her hip. “Why are you so interested?”

Finn looked away from her piercing gaze, watching Grant flirt with an older man, clearly a tourist and only too eager to make an acquaintance for the evening. It reminded Finn of how Suzanne interacted with the bartender when they met at the pub the other night. He tsked quietly, wondering how they made it look so easy. He knew people thought he did the same.

“Finn?”

He moved his gaze back to Quinn and sighed, shrugging his shoulders when he replied. “I haven’t seen her in years, and it’s a surprise, all right? I have no idea how she’s gotten on all this time since she completely cut us all off, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.” Finn kept his mouth shut after that, uncomfortable with sharing what he thought was too much with a relative stranger. It was nice to say it, though, nonetheless. Quinn seems the type of person to hold a confidence. Finn glanced down at the full glass in her hands and thought wryly, maybe depending on the number of drinks.

Still, Quinn smiled and patted his arm, taking a sip of her drink before speaking. “Mums the word from me, of course. Your business is your own, as long as she doesn’t get hurt.”

Finn rolled his eyes and moved slightly away, pulling another cigarette from his pocket. “Of course, always gotta make sure Rae is doing okay, right?” He lit the ciggie and stewed to himself, not worried if Quinn was offended. He knew it was an unkind thing to say, but he was uninterested in being very kind. The memory of her from the morning paused his hand midway to his mouth, smoke from the cigarette end wafting up his nose. Finn shook his head and took a drag, inhaling the smoke deep into his lungs. His ire quelled somewhat, he finished his cigarette and turned back to Quinn with what he hoped was a friendly expression.

“I’m gonna head home. There’s an empty bed with my name on it.” Finn winced and rolled his eyes at Quinn’s snort, aware how it sounded after it was said. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you in the morning.” When he made to leave, Quinn shot out a hand and gripped his arm gently. She caught his gaze, her eyes blurry but alert, and spoke in a low voice. “Rae is very resilient, and I believe you are as well. That bodes well for your futures. I think that things between you two will be worked out. Embrace the issues together, let things happen naturally.”

She squeezed Finn’s arm briefly and let go with a smile. Finn just nodded and stood for a moment before leaving. Quinn sounds like she should be sitting behind a glass ball reading my palm. The thought made Finn chuckle as he made his way through the bar and outside, not bothering to say goodbye to everyone. As he walked home, though, her words played around in his head. The entire walk he thought of ways he could approach Rae, to bring up conversations and let things happen naturally, like Quinn recommended.

He burrowed into his jacket further as a gust of wind blew through him. He looked around and realized how dark it had gotten, and how much harder it was to see where the sidewalk ended and the road began, even with the streetlamps intermittently installed along the curbs. Frowning, he thought of Rae, walking around late at night, alone and unable to see the road. He shook his head and walked faster. What would make her leave her home and venture outside in the dark?

It just didn’t make any sense, and Finn started to feel angry, trying to figure out who was to blame. It was easy enough to lay it at the feet of the unknown man in her life. What kind of partner doesn’t protect their loved one? Finn sighed and felt grateful to see the lawn of his building. He jogged across the street and up the steps, fingers cold as he unlocked his door and entered the flat. Once everything was locked up and Finn was dressed in house clothes, he let himself fall down onto his sofa and close his eyes.

Fuck, this is going to be so awkward.

Chapter Text

Pain erupted behind Finn’s eyes as he blinked into a bright room. He’d forgotten to close the curtains before bed, apparently, something he deeply regretted upon waking. The sun was just starting to stream through the windows, not quite strong enough to warm the room. Finn sighed and flipped his pillow around, resting his head against the cool satin and burrowing away from the light. He shut his eyes for a little more rest, fully aware his alarm was imminent. The initial pain Finn felt blossomed into a throbbing headache in the five minutes he had before the alarm sounded.

Finn reached over and slammed the alarm clock silent, its shrill ring echoing inside his head. He stayed against the pillow and took a deep breath, holding it for five seconds before exhaling and opening his eyes slowly. The room was getting brighter, and Finn could clearly see the state of his room. He frowned at the mess and made a mental note to spend time over the weekend to address the flat.

With that thought, Finn pushed himself up and out of bed, shivering while he slipped into slippers and his robe. He stumbled across the hall into his bathroom and searched the medicine cabinet for something to relieve his headache. He picked up a white plastic bottle and shook it, the few remaining pain pills jostling together inside. Thankful for small miracles, Finn opened the bottle and emptied two pills into the lid. He tossed them in his mouth and cupped his hands under running water to take a few sips to wash the pills down. Finn stood up from the sink and looked at himself in the mirror, wiping away excess water from his face with the back of his hand.

He looked okay, all things considered. The bags under his eyes and sallow quality of his skin were proof that he stayed out too late and drank too much, but he determined a washup would fix that. Finn shook his head and disrobed, jumping in the shower as he turned it on. The brief stint in freezing cold jolted him fully awake, and he went through the motions of showering the last vestiges of sleep away.

Finishing quickly, Finn turned off the water and reached out for a towel, meeting nothing but air. Oh no. He opened the shower curtain completely and scanned the bathroom, belatedly remembering he’d left all the towels on his bedroom floor. Finn sighed and picked up his robe, scrubbing his hair first then patting his skin dry with the fleece uncomfortably. I really have to clean this place. It’s gotten bad, even for me.

Resolute in his decision to clean after work, Finn left the bathroom and hurried into his room, the chilly air cooling the warmth of his shower. He flipped the switch and took twenty minutes to organize all the clothes strewn about the floor into piles on his bed, and the miscellaneous items in the hamper. From the piles, he sifted through pants and shirts, smelling for acceptable freshness. Confident in his outfit of dark jeans and navy-blue sweater, Finn finished getting ready and made his way to the kitchen.

He pulled a mug from the cupboard but paused before bringing the box of tea out. He remembered seeing a coffee shop somewhere close by and felt the need for something a little stronger than tea that morning. He had been ignoring his impending interactions with Rae, but the closer it got to the start of the workday, the less he could put the situation out of his mind. He sighed and put the mug back, resolute in his search for coffee. Glancing at his watch, he realized that he still had about an hour until he had to start, so he figured he could make a detour before going to the office. He grabbed his wallet and messenger bag, taking his keys from the hook by the door before leaving his flat and locking up.

He lifted his collar to the cold wind, looking forward to being in a warm building with a hot drink. Standing at the base of his staircase, he took a moment to remember where the shop was and mapped out the quickest route there. He knew it was a few blocks east of the office, so he headed off at a fast pace, hoping it would warm him up. He pulled his cigarette tin from his pocket after crossing the road, but hesitated. He looked at it for a moment and slowly deposited it back into his coat. He could wait. He shook his head and focused, turning here and there to bypass some of the major roads in favour of residential streets. The flats turned into homes and he admired their pretty lawns and old-fashioned styles as he hustled to the cafe.

Looking up at the sign swinging in the wind, the words Leon’s Café were etched into the wood, its paint chipping away. He walked inside and was instantly warmed by the heat pumping through the small building. He took a deep breath and exhaled in a quiet sigh, feeling a small amount of inner peace for just a moment. Looking around, it wasn’t terribly crowded, and he spotted a free tall table and some empty cushioned chairs near the window. He got in line and waited patiently, looking at the large chalkboard menu above the counter for his decision. Finally at the counter, a teen with a mop of blonde hair gave him a lopsided grin and asked what he wanted. Giving the boy his order, Finn got out the correct change and paid his bill, dropping a few coins in the tip jar. “Thanks, man.” Finn nodded at the barista’s comment and took his coffee cup.

He turned from the counter and went to the condiment bar to treat his coffee with some sugar, stirring in the granules as he took in the cafe for a place to sit and relax before work. The empty table from earlier was occupied, so he made his way to the couch area next to it, noticing a woman sitting with her back toward him. He tossed the stir stick in the bin next to him, and when he moved closer toward the comfortable-looking chair near the window, he stopped in his tracks. The brunette in the other chair facing away from him had to be Rae. Finn took a deep breath and continued to walk forward, holding his breath as he made it to the edge of the seating area, Rae oblivious to his presence as she looked out the window. He let out a quiet breath and took a sip of coffee, the hot liquid burning the roof of his mouth and shaking him from his reprieve.

“Rae?” The woman started and turned toward him, surprise colouring her expression. She smiled at him hesitantly before breaking eye contact and looking at the chair in front of her. “Do you want to sit?” Finn looked at the chair and kept his expression neutral as he nodded and quickly sat down, afraid he would book it if he waited too long. Rae met his eyes and they stared at each other in silence, an awkwardness settling in the air around them as time stretched out. He broke their shared gaze and looked outside, licking his suddenly dry lips to calm his nerves.

Taking a short breath, he looked back at Rae as she took a sip of her drink and observed the cafe. He could feel himself getting more serious, and when he asked her a question, he knew he had to look intense. “So, you live around here?” Rae turned from her perusal and met his gaze, clearly nervous as she looked out of the window before glancing back and answering him. “Yeah, just about a ten-minute walk from here.” Finn nodded and drank his coffee, unable to break eye contact with his old girlfriend. So many emotions rushed through him, and it was as if the cafe melted away while they stared at each other.

“Rae?” His question came out quietly, as if Finn didn’t want to disturb whatever peace was between them. But he couldn’t help it, he had to find out what in the fuck was actually going on. She gulped and answered, “Yeah?”

“What happened to you?” The question was heavy as it left his tongue, as if he had been holding onto it for years. Rae’s forehead creased in confusion when she spoke again. “What do you mean?”

What do I mean, indeed? It was obvious that he wanted answers for their past, but the presence of other patrons slowly entered his consciousness, and he realized it wasn’t the time to bring up something so serious. Sighing internally, he replied more safely, “How did you get hurt?”

Surprisingly, Rae looked away and took a long sip from her paper cup. Her face scrunched up momentarily, and Finn hazarded a guess that she was also a victim to the hot beverage. “I got hit by a car.” Finn looked at Rae seriously and tried to figure her out as he hummed impatiently.

“Why’d you move here?” Rae’s abrupt change in topic threw Finn, and he removed the lid of his paper cup to blow on the hot coffee. He took a sip of his drink before meeting Rae’s eyes. She looked so small, bruised and bandaged, and Finn couldn’t stop the annoyance that began to color his thoughts. If she hadn’t left Lincolnshire, maybe she wouldn’t have gotten into an accident. Finn moved away from his drink and sent a raised eyebrow to Rae as he answered her with an attitude. “Why’d you move here?” He knew his tone was accusatory, but he couldn’t help himself. He was obviously still drawn to Rae, but each time he got close to her, all of the anger and confusion he hadn’t been able to direct to her for years bubbled up inside him.

Rae looked away from Finn with a sigh and took a sip of her drink, tea from what Finn could tell. “You don’t understand, Finn.” White-hot anger hit Finn squarely in the chest, and he had to take a minute before responding. “No, I don’t.” The anger began to seep into his bloodstream, making his blood start to simmer. Rae turned back to Finn, a small smile on her face that was absent of humour. “It’s something I had to do. Nothing there was good for me anymore.”

Something inside Finn snapped, and he couldn’t stop the clench of his jaw as he ground out a response. “Nothing good for you? Your sister? The girl who was everything to you? Or so you said. Three years with her and you got bored?” Rae closed her eyes as Finn continued, which seemed to rile him up even more. A fire ignited within him, and he had to use all of his resolve to not blow up. He glared at Rae as she responded, “I wouldn’t expect you to get why I did what I did. Do I regret it? Yes. Every single day. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. But Natalie will be able to live a better life now.”

Finn didn’t hold back. “That’s bullshit. Do you know what she asks me every time I see her? Have you seen Rae? And it makes me hate you just a little bit more each time I have to tell her no.” Finn could feel his skin start to prickle as his anger began to take over, and even Rae’s eyes filling with tears couldn’t calm him down. Rae kept her gaze outside the window when she replied, “I’m sorry you feel that way. My actions are my own and I don’t need to explain myself to you.”

Finn scoffed and put the lid back on his coffee cup, slamming it on the table in front of him. His rage boiled over into his words, and he couldn’t stop once they spilled out. “Oh, really? You can just brush me off like that with no explanation? I guess all those plans we were making about our future together were bullshit. How you and Chloe were going places together. It’s so easy for you to disregard your past. To make a life with this man you met outside the city right after moving away.

“I asked about him. Last night when we got together for drinks without you. I somehow felt worried about you. Worried that you had jumped into something that you couldn’t get out. That he might have been the reason for why you’re like this. Grant, Quinn, Sue; they all said the same thing. They’ve only met him a couple times and you never open up about it. Is that the kind of person you want to be with? If I had only known.”

Finn laughed hollowly, “You know what, Rae? I was so stunned to see you yesterday. Surprised by what seemed to be fate letting us meet again. To let us deal with whatever unfinished business we had.” Finn moved forward, leaning in to make sure Rae heard everything he had to say, “And then I saw the state you were in and felt a blinding rage at whoever had done this to you. I wanted to tear them apart for hurting you. But then Sue said you were in an accident. And the thought crossed my mind that you had done it better this time. More courage now that you’re older and smarter to find a busier street, then? But it still didn’t give you the desired results, did it?” Finn knew he had gone too far then, seeing Rae flinch at the venom in his voice. He couldn’t bring himself to care, too wrapped up in hurt feelings.

He looked at Rae, hands wringing together as he propped himself on his knees with his elbows while looking at her, “But I got ahold of myself when I saw how protective Sue and Quinn were of you. And how everyone else seems to love and care for you. Did you know that I heard about you at least twenty times from everyone in that meeting? I was expecting this wonderful and genius man that would blow me away. And instead, I found it was you.” Finn continued to cut deeply, his years of resentment and pain spilling out at his easiest target.

He could feel his voice rising, but there didn’t seem to be a way for him to quiet down. He continued his monologue, getting over the fact that he was starting to make a scene. “I realize now that if this was fate; if we were meant to see each other again; it’s not to deal with our past together. It happened so I could see who I’d been missing all these years. Who we have all been thinking and worrying about. You used to say to me that I didn’t open up enough. Didn’t talk about anything. Well, how’s this? I am so fucking disappointed I had to see you again, it makes me sick.”

Finn could see tears falling from Rae’s eyes, so he pushed away from the table violently, the legs squeaking in response. He stomped away and left the cafe, aware of the looks he received upon his trek outside. He was still fuming halfway down the block, the anger not going anywhere. As if she could just set aside everything without any explanation.

Finn stuck his hands in his jacket pockets, a frown on his face as he moved swiftly to the office. Of course, he regretted how he said what he did as soon as it was out of his mouth, but there was truth to his harsh words. That was how he felt when he was younger and realized that Rae was nowhere to be found. All the rage and confusion that had been percolating for the last five years finally found a target against which he could unleash that pain. And the target was the cause of his rage and confusion.

Finn shook his head as he reached the building, nodding his head to the group of people smoking off to the side. The redheaded man motioned for Finn to join them, and he walked over to tell him he had to work. Before Finn could say anything, though, the man handed him a cigarette with commentary, “Quinn jus’ got here, so you probably have five minutes before you have ta really be up there. Name’s Miles.”

Finn smiled smally, not finding it within himself to fully engage in Miles’ laughter. He took the courtesy smoke and light and inhaled deeply, letting the nicotine settle and calm his nerves. He took a moment to appreciate the realization that he might be depending on cigarettes too much.

“How’s it goin’ with Spotlight? Finding your footing in evra’thing?” Finn blinked at Miles’ question, having to repeat it in his mind to comprehend what the man said to him. “Uh, yeah, I’m doing okay. Everyone seems cool, and they’re helping me get settled.” Miles nodded and Finn took a deep inhale and sent the man a quick uptick of the lips. He finished his cigarette and thanked Miles before heading into the building.

Finn made his way up the lift and into the office with little regard to his surroundings. He greeted those who said hello, and finished a quick meeting with Quinn in a haze, the older woman’s expression curious but kept to herself. He’d been sat at his desk for a few hours, settled into the quick stride of his catch-up, resolutely not looking up whenever the office door opened. He was focused so hard on not focusing on who might’ve walked in at eleven o’clock when his phone rang and shot him into the air.

He took a deep breath and answered, his pen poised over a blank page in his notebook. “Spotlight, Finn Nelson.”

“Well, hello, there.”

A small smile broke across Finn’s face, and he leaned forward a little, dropping his pen. “Hey, Suzanne. What has you calling?”

“You might not know, but your little zine is hosting the Burns Fest. And wouldn’t you believe it? Robert just realized how important it is that we get coverage.”

Finn laughed quietly, knowing his old boss. “Fancy that.” Suzanne snorted and asked him to include Absolute in the approved reporter list for Burns. They discussed details and Finn wrote down who would be attending and how many interviews they’d want. He couldn’t promise anything before talking to Sue, so he told Suzanne he’d get back to her by the end of day. They said goodbye and Finn hung up his phone slowly. Once it clicked into place, he let the comfortable silence of coworkers hard at work settle around him.

As he sat and looked at Finland on his little globe, Finn started to feel guilty. He wasn’t sure why, but the thought of sleeping with Suzanne, then seeing Rae the next morning, made him feel a certain way. Which was ridiculous, as he hadn’t even known Rae would show up in his life again, but the feeling got stuck in his chest anyway. He sighed harshly and rubbed his eyes, silently telling himself to fuck off and get on with work.

He shook his head and got up to knock on Sue’s office door, keeping his eyes trained on the doorknob so as to not look the few metres to his left. His boss opened her door with a smile, dressed impeccably in an aubergine blouse and black, fitted trousers, hair done up in her classic bun style, and the spiced apple scent wafting from her office. “Finn, what’s up?”

She leaned against her doorframe and crossed her arms expectantly. He opened his notebook and said, “Absolute would like some access and a few interviews. We already have Q, Total Guitar, Uncut, Kerrang, Rolling Stone, Blender, and Cross Rhythms. Do we have space for Absolute?”

Sue chuckled quietly, shaking her head. “I can’t believe Cross wants to be there. What the hell are they even going to report on?” Finn smiled, wondering the same thing when he saw the Christian music magazine on the list of approved publications. “Maybe highlighting heathen music to avoid.”

Finn grinned when Sue let out a barking laugh and shook her head. “Absolute can have space. How many do they want to bring?”

“Three reporters and one photographer.”

“Make it two. Just add them to the Master List and let me know when they confirm.” Finn agreed and she walked back to her desk, leaving her door open. He made his way back to his own desk, sighing again as he sat down. He picked up his phone, dialed the number he knew by heart, and told Suzanne the news. She thanked him and they shared pleasantries before hanging up. When Finn finished jotting down the info and adding it to the Master List on their work intranet, he heard the clatter of plastic on wood and looked over to the area he’d been avoiding all morning.

Rae stood with her back to him, gesturing at the shaggy-haired guy. Finn thought for a moment, trying to remember his name. Devin?

“Derek! You’re brilliant!”

Finn smiled, glad he’d gotten a part of the name, and watched as Derek grinned and wiped away whatever he’d written on the small whiteboard connected to his desk. Finn saw Rae stand still for a moment as Derek focused on something else, and couldn’t move his gaze in time when she turned around.

Fuck. She sent a genuine and wide smile in his general direction, perhaps hoping for Quinn or someone else to share in her excitement. Her expression immediately soured when they locked eyes. They stared at each other for a moment before Rae quickly looked away and slowly sat down in her chair.

Finn found himself standing up. Seeing her face light up with the expression somewhat dulled by those fucking bruises sent a wave of protectiveness through him. He immediately berated himself and turned back to his desk, sitting down. He picked up his phone for something to do, the deep, continuous dial tone loud in his ear before he slowly returned it back to its cradle.

He sighed again, thinking about their shared morning with another wave of regret. He acknowledged that he couldn’t quite face the thought of seeing Rae after the way he’d spoken to her. He’d ignored her all morning, a mixture of shame and anger colouring his actions, the two emotions fighting for prominence in his mind. He would never admit to being an overly emotional person, but he’d be lying if he didn’t credit Rae for helping him to tap into his emotions. He rubbed his eyes and stood up, getting his jacket on before leaving the stifling office to grab some lunch. He was pretty sure there was a deli nearby, so he kept his gaze forward, took the stairs over the lift, and jogged down the road.

~.~.~.~.~

At the end of the day, Finn had successfully avoided Rae without eliciting suspicions or comment from his bosses. Quinn looked at him as he left the office with a smile, waving before she untied her smock and tossed it on Grant’s desk. Finn snorted and adjusted the strap of his messenger bag before taking the lift downstairs. When he was outside, the redhead from earlier beckoned him over with a lit cigarette. Finn smiled a little, wondering how he happened to find a job with so many smokers.

He joined the man, forgetting his name and trying to figure out how to ask for a reminder when he spoke first. “Can ye remind me of ye name?” Finn grinned and took an inhale before relaying it and asking the same in return. Miles, as it were, mentioned that he had a hard time remembering names, and shared a story about a similar issue when he first started at his job.

“What is it you guys do, anyway?” Miles laughed and described the structure of their business, how their main clients were music venues, carnivals, and other performance avenues that required smoke or fog machines. Finn shook his head, asking if Spotlight would be using them at Burns, and Miles confirmed, saying that the magazine was one of their biggest clients, with their rotating music festivals. It made sense to Finn then that they shared a building.

“Oi, Rae.” Finn started at Mile’s sudden shout. He muttered Jesus under his breath, upset that he had to deal with yet another interaction with her, forced onto him by someone else. Without meaning to, he glanced at her retreating form as she ignored Miles and stomped down the steps. Finn took a drag on the cigarette when he watched Miles put his hand on her shoulder at the last step, blinking in surprise when she shot into the air with surprise and almost stumbled down to the sidewalk. Finn took a step forward but scowled and looked away. She didn’t need his help.

“I wonder – have you met young Finn here? He works with ya.”

Finn rolled his eyes and clenched his jaw, annoyed at the Scot for sticking his nose into their business. Nonetheless, Finn felt compelled to head their way and took another drag on the ciggie to fortify himself. Without looking his way, Rae muttered, “I know him,” then immediately walked to Quinn’s car as the older woman pulled up to the curb. Miles opened the passenger door for her, Rae scooted in, then looked at Finn. He took a deep inhale of his cigarette, blew out the smoke as Rae continued to stare at him. He kept her gaze until the car zoomed off.

Finn sighed and flicked the dead cigarette to the street. “Hey, Miles, I’ll catch you later, yeah?” Miles blinked in surprise at the sudden shift in Finn’s demeanour but shrugged with a smile and wished him a good evening. Finn secured his jacket and slowly walked home, his mind inadvertently bringing up Rae’s reaction to the way he laid into her that morning. Finn sighed and kicked a rock violently ahead of him, disappointed in himself and angry at Rae’s willingness to just sit there and take it.

He walked up the stairs to his flat and unlocked the door, realizing that he needed to apologize. No matter how spitting mad he was, what right did he have to make her cry in public? Embarrass her in front of strangers? He groaned and hung his keys, throwing his jacket in the direction of his couch. The truth of the matter was that he wanted answers from her, an explanation for her decision to abandon them all. And instead of giving her space to talk to him, he belittled her. Hurt her.

Finn plopped down on his couch with a sigh and stretched out. He threw his arm over his eyes to block out the setting sun streaming through his sheer curtains, and mentally listed out what he needed to do. He couldn’t deny that he was still angry and held resentment against Rae. How could he not? But the memory of her bright laughter, mischievous looks, and gentle touch warred with images of the broken down and timid woman he now encountered.

There was no way around it, he realized. If he wanted answers, he’d have to be the one to initiate contact again. He was nearly positive that she would avoid him at all costs, especially after his behaviour at the cafe and work. A petulant thought floated up, asking why he was shouldering the responsibility of bridging the gap between them, but Finn shook it away. One thing he knew was that something big must’ve sent Rae running from home. Despite what he accused her of that morning, he was pretty sure she didn’t make the decision to abandon her sister lightly.

But why wouldn’t she have written or called? Why wouldn’t she want to check on Natalie or her friends? Linda had told him all those years ago that she had had a row with Rae the night she left, but assumed she would be home later in the day. When three days passed and Finn had to tell her mother he didn’t think Rae was coming back, Linda had cried and brought Finn into a tight hug.

But Natalie will be able to live a better life now, Rae had said that morning. It had infuriated Finn in the moment, but now that he felt calmer, he couldn’t help but wonder what she meant by that. How could Natalie have a good life without her big sister, her de facto second mother? Rae was obsessed with Natalie after she was born, the anger toward Linda all but forgotten when she held her sister for the first time. Had someone threatened Rae somehow? Was there a secret that someone figured out, and would use it against Rae’s family if she stuck around?

Finn groaned and sat up in the growing darkness of his flat. He scuffed his way to the kitchen and flicked on a couple lights. Who the hell would even want to fuck with Rae and her family? They had no outstanding issues with anyone at the time as far as he knew, and the drama surrounding Linda and Karim settled quickly after their wedding. He went through the motions of making himself some soup and grabbed a beer from his fridge, drinking half the bottle before the soup started to bubble on the range. He cut the heat and transferred it to a bowl, walking to his small dining table and sitting with a sigh.

“Okay,” he said into the quiet room, “it most likely wasn’t her family. And I know it wasn’t any of us, since we would’ve known if there was something going on in the group.” Finn slurped a few spoonfuls of tomato soup, trying to sift through any issues their friends were going through all those years ago. He felt ridiculous talking to himself, but he figured it would help collect his thoughts more than letting his mind wander all over the place.

He sipped on his beer and sat back against the chair, leg starting to bounce anxiously under the table. “Okay, Finn. She left on a Monday. What happened right before?” He drank more as he tried to place a hazy memory of an inconsequential weekend, similar to many they’d had over the years, but nothing came to mind. He was sure it would pop up if something did happen, but their weekends usually consisted of the pub, or outings with the Gang, or parties. Things they did all the time.

Finn sighed and finished his beer and the cooling soup, setting the bowl in the sink and tossing the beer bottle. There was nothing to do until the next day, and he’d drive himself spare if he tried to pick apart events in the past that hadn’t left an impression on him. He made his way to his bathroom, took care of his nightly routine, and settled himself into bed. The clock on his side table told him it was only nine o’ clock, but he figured he could use the extra time. He took a few deep breaths, let his mind settle and turn blank, and fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

~.~.~.~.~

Even though he’d gotten extra sleep the night before, Finn still felt tired when he left his flat in the cool sunlight of the morning. He shifted his messenger bag higher on his shoulder and started the trek to Spotlight, intentionally keeping his mind on the goings-on around him. He didn’t need to dedicate all of his mental capacity to the fucked up situation with Rae, otherwise he’d go mental and screw himself out a good job. He kicked a few pebbles as he meandered down the sidewalk, and even though he just told himself he wouldn’t, his thoughts turned to wondering if Rae was at that cafe again.

The urge to turn down the street and walk one block to Leon’s was too strong, so Finn sighed and began in the direction of the cafe, hoping in equal measures that she was and wasn’t there. The double doors grew closer, and Finn opened them to the soft ringing of the bell above the doorframe. The morning crowd had the baristas working hard, and Finn decided against standing in line. He scanned the room casually, eyes stuck on the plush chairs by the window for a moment, but there were little old ladies tittering together instead of who he wanted to see.

Finn frowned and shifted on his feet to leave when something caught his attention to the right. There was a woman with her back to him, sitting across from an older gentleman at a round table. There she was, talking to a stranger with a concerned look on his face. He wondered who the bloke was, feeling sure it wasn’t her new boyfriend. Not so new, his mind supplied unhelpfully, and he shook it away before slowly walking in the direction of the duo. He watched as the man’s eyebrows pinched together slightly, mouth drawn in a tight line, and stopped next to them.

“Rae?”

She sighed, took a sip of her tea, and ignored Finn. A brief zing of annoyance shot through him, but he pushed it down and continued as the older man watched them. “Rae.” She finally moved her gaze to Finn, something off about the way she was staring at him. “What? Are you here to yell at me some more? Save it, buddy. I’m having breakfast with a friend.”

Finn blinked in surprise, brow furrowed as he concluded there was definitely something off about her that morning. A memory surfaced as he watched her take a bite of the croissant in front of her, remembering when Chop got everyone some molly to take before they attended a weekend-long music festival. She had the same look on her face now when she was high back then, but instead of the unbridled joy from the past, she looked scared, bruised, and sad.

Rae bit her lip at his silent perusal and quickly turned her attention back to the old man and smiled. “Right, sorry. Phil, this is Finn. I think you’ll like him. Everyone seems to like him. He’s liked by everyone.” Phil didn’t respond, just looked at Finn with a bewildered and concerned expression, something Finn felt ramping up inside him as the morning progressed. Without thought, he sat in the vacant chair at their table. He kept his eyes trained on Rae’s face, completely ignoring Phil. Her skin was as pale as ever, the cuts and bruises a stark and angry contrast. Her jacket was zipped up to her neck, something she never liked before, and she awkwardly kept her left arm hovering over the tabletop. He wasn’t sure she was aware of it.

“Rae, what did you take?” She scoffed and ignored him, taking a large and messy bite of her croissant, angling her left arm in a way that kept the jacket’s sleeve to her wrist. “I don’t know what you mean,” she said nonchalantly, infuriatingly. Finn clenched his fist, but quickly reined in his annoyance.

“Yes, you do. Don’t be difficult.”

Rae glared at Finn and bit her croissant messily, chewing open-mouthed in Finn’s direction. He scrunched his nose at the action, having always hated it when people did that, something Rae knew very well. The grin on her face as she swallowed the bite proved to him that she did it on purpose. No one said anything for a moment, Finn and Phil exchanging looks when Rae sighed. Finn’s attention was on her again as she sipped her tea, the left sleeve of her jacket inching down slightly.

“If you’re going to be so serious, fine.” Rae actually pouted before continuing, and Finn would find it funny if it wasn’t so not funny. “Always such a grumpy sod,” she continued. “I was in pain earlier when I was checking out my arm and needed to dull it a bit. Liam helped me. Although, to be honest – and I’m going to let you in on secret so don’t tell anyone – I think maybe he helped me too much.”

Finn couldn’t stop the anger that filtered through him and coloured his expression, immediately putting a frown on Rae’s face as she looked away. She sipped her tea, and suddenly a wide, dopey smile formed on her face. She finished the croissant while looking at Phil, and Finn clenched his fists and counted to ten before speaking again.

“Rae you need to be very straight with me. What did he help you with?”

Her brow furrowed in confusion. “Phil?” Finn closed his eyes for a moment, took a breath and fortified himself. He fixed Rae with a stare, trying to convey to her the importance of their conversation. “No, not Phil. Liam. What did Liam help you with?”

“Oh,” Rae waved her hand in the air absently, the sleeve falling slightly further down to expose a sliver of bruised skin. Rae continued, “That’s all you had to say. Just some Vicodin. But Dr. C said to take one. Don’t know what Liam thought when he gave me two. I don’t feel any pain though, so that’s nice. I’m just hungry.”

Finn immediately saw red, clenching his fists so hard that they turned white before he could stop himself. Rae’s demeanour morphed within the second and she stood from the table quickly, pushing the chair out and looking between the two men. Fuck. How could he scare her like that so easily? She used to push back when he got riled up. She took one step back, looked between the two men as they joined her in standing, and threw her hands up in front of her. As if she were trying to ward them off.

“Just leave me alone. Don’t give me your food and tea and mean looks. I’m leaving.”

Finn’s eyes were drawn to her jacket’s sleeve shifting down, exposing her wrist and forearm. Dread sunk deep into Finn’s stomach at the deep purple and blue splotches that engulfed her arm, and he legitimately believed he would get sick in that moment. Rae shook her head for some reason, dropped her arms, and hid away the bruised flesh in her pocket. Finn started again, undeterred. “Rae, what happened?”

Her face morphed into annoyance. “I’ve already told you. I was hit. I was in an accident. I got hurt. And just so you know, I didn’t do it on purpose, as you so helpfully implied yesterday. Why would I do this on purpose? You’re such a dickhead.”

Phil sent an incredulous look to Finn and he grimaced, hating having to hear the horrible things he said to her the previous morning. Before he could respond, Rae was collecting her messenger bag from the floor with her left hand, securing over her shoulder awkwardly, and nodded once. “Goodbye. I’m going to work.”

She moved to the doors and wobblily pushed them open, Phil sending Finn a look. “I’ll be heading out now, ta.” The older man nodded and wished Finn luck as he rushed after Rae. She stood a few steps to the left of the entrance, looking confused, and Finn called out to her. She yelped in surprise and turned to look at him with wild eyes before ignoring him and turning to the left. Finn almost smiled, until he remembered that she wasn’t high for the fun of it.

“Work is this way.” Finn stuck his thumb behind him as she huffed and turned around to face him. She breezed past him and Finn rolled his eyes, the classic stubbornness finally showing. Nevertheless, he quickly caught up with her and they walked together, Finn shooting worried looks her way as she seemed to be slightly off-balance. Five minutes went by and the silence between them made his skin itch.

“Look,” he started, not looking at Rae. “I’m sorry about what I said yesterday. It was in the heat of the moment, and I was angry. That’s not what I meant to say or how I wanted to say it. I’m still kind of wrapping my head around the fact that you’re here and that we work together. I don’t know how to handle this and it’s making me frustrated.”

“I’ve always made you frustrated.”

Finn’s nostrils flared and he tamped down his irritation. “God, would you stop it? That’s not true. I don’t know why you keep talking about yourself like this.” Rae just shrugged and said nothing, focusing intently on watching the ground as they walked to work. The wind whipped her long hair around her face in its strength, causing the tip of her nose to colour in the cold. He imagined her cheeks would be rosy too, if they weren’t covered in bruises.

He frowned and found himself saying, “Rae, I don’t want us to be like this. There’s a lot of shit that we have to talk about, and I don’t think we can do that if we’re mad at each other.” Rae didn’t respond again and Finn wanted to bang his head against a wall. He held onto the strap of his messenger bag tightly to prevent scaring her again with his reaction. Settled with the fact that the remaining five minutes would be in silence, Rae’s quiet voice cut through his brooding thoughts.

“I know. I can’t think of anything I could say to you that would be sufficient enough to explain myself.” Finn blinked at her words, wondering not for the first time who the hell this person was.

“You could always tell me the truth. You used to be so good at that.” If Finn hoped she’d respond, he was disappointed as she just smiled slightly and stopped, looking up at their building. Finn couldn’t take his eyes off her, though, and he yearned for a ciggie to help ease some of the tension.

“Rae?”

She finally looked at Finn since they left Leon’s, assessing him with a quirk of her eyebrow. Her eyes roved over his face and outfit, as if seeing him for the first time. The calculating gleam in her eyes, whether she knew it was there or not, sent some hope through him and he found himself smiling at her smally. Her face quickly dropped at his smile and without a word, turned to the steps with a nod. He frowned as she stood there, sizing up the building but not moving. He raised an eyebrow in surprise as the seconds ticked by without movement.

“Are you all right?”

Rae just sighed and shrugged, saying, “I’m not sure. Honestly, I think I’m going to do very poorly today.”

“Why’s that?” Finn watched as Rae blinked at him for a moment before responding, “Because I’m high and no one can know.”

He couldn’t help but frown at the comment, blaming her fucking boyfriend for the predicament she found herself in, inadvertently dragging Finn into it as well. “How many pills did you take?”

Rae didn’t speak for a moment, fiddling with something in her pocket. “Just two. I don’t think it was such a good idea. But I was in a lot of pain. Stupidly decided that I had to check on my arm. And I’m not exactly capable of rewrapping it right now.”

Finn’s frown deepened at her self-criticism, and his gaze moved to her covered arm, the image of her injury stark in his mind. “Do you want me to help you?” He found himself offering without thinking, driven by a need to make sure she was okay, even if he was angry with her. He hated the mix of emotions, they made him uncomfortable and flat-footed. Rae looked at him for a beat with no response and looked ahead, watching Quinn take two steps down in a long black dress and blue blazer, trying to light her ciggie in the harsh wind. She looked up with a smile and hopped down the remaining steps, stopping in front of them while she tucked the cigarette behind her left ear.

“Hey. You guys are still ten minutes early. What’s up?” Finn just looked at his boss, feeling bereft at Rae snubbing him yet again.

“I thought you’d be the last person in, Quinn.” The older woman narrowed her eyes and dropped the lighter into her blazer pocket, assessing Rae and Finn with a sharper gaze.

“Sue persuaded me to come in early. You guys walked together?”

“Finn ambushed me at my cafe.”

Quinn shot her eyes to Finn and he shook his head slightly. They held each other’s gaze briefly, the question obvious in his boss’s expression. “Talking would be nice.”

They both looked at Rae, watched her shrug before stepping up and making her way to the front doors. Quinn sent him another bewildered expression before he sighed and said, “I’ll tell you in a minute.” He didn’t wait for her response, just jogged up the steps before Rae could attempt to open the heavy doors by herself. He pulled on the handle and Rae looked at him with unfocused eyes. He held in a growl, growing angrier with her fucking boyfriend, but kept his expression neutral.

“Thank you.”

Finn just nodded as Rae entered the building slowly. He kept the door open for Quinn as she met him at the entrance and they trailed behind Rae. “What happened?” Quinn whispered, and Finn responded just as quietly. “She’s high. Long story.” Quinn nodded in confusion but kept any comments to herself as they followed Rae to the lift. She reached up to call the lift down, the bruised flesh once again searing into Finn’s brain as her sleeve fell slightly. She turned to them and waited until they were closer.

“Hey Quinn?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you help me with something when we get upstairs?”

“Um, sure.”

“Thanks.”

Quinn sent Finn a raised eyebrow and he bit his lip, watching as Rae turned back to the lift doors as it made its way to them slowly. He just pointed to his own left arm and then pointed to Rae, mimicking wrapping it. Quinn nodded, finally understanding as they entered the small space and Quinn pressed the third-floor button.

Finn kept his gaze on Rae the entire ride to their office, with her never once looking at them and tapping the fingers on her right hand against the edge of her sling. She seemed to be unaware of the action. The lift stopped and dinged as the doors sluggishly opened for them. Rae immediately moved to the right in the direction of the loos, not bothering to check who was behind her. Quinn gestured for Finn to walk after Rae and held up her finger to indicate she’d be right back.

He kept some distance between them, his steps echoing in the hallway. Rae spun around suddenly, looking at him in suspicion. He raised an eyebrow and waited.

“What are you doing?”

Finn shrugged. “Keeping you company until Quinn gets back.”

“Keeping me company. More like acting like a watch dog. Unbelievable.”

Rae grumbled under her breath, the behaviour so much like the girl he once knew that a smile found its way onto his face. She didn’t seem to like it, however, and turned away from him in a huff. The smile dropped from his face, and he stuffed his hands into his pockets as they waited for Quinn.

“Right, sorry. Had to finish something really quick.” His boss arrived, shot him a look, and he nodded once before leaving soundlessly. The bathroom door squeaked open and closed with a thud, the deadbolt sounding quietly as he turned toward the office. He removed his outerwear and tossed it over his chair, sitting down and pulling out what he needed from his messenger bag. Once he was situated, he kept his eyes glued to the entrance, ignoring the ruckus going on around him.

Quinn and Rae made their way inside, Quinn holding onto Rae’s jacket and bag as she opened the door. Rae caught Finn’s eye and stuck her tongue out at him childishly, startling a smile from him at the playfulness. His boss helped Rae to her desk with her things when Sue emerged from her office and loudly whistled. Finn had to drag his attention from Rae as Sue began to speak.

“Listen up people! This thing is in two days, so we have a long couple days ahead of us. You all better be sharp and prepared. There’s no room for mistakes by this point. Work on the banners, the flyers, the free merchandise, the layouts, the coverage preparation, and the line up all need to be finalized by tomorrow. And I swear to everything that’s holy, it better not rain this weekend. Let’s go!”

Finn raised an eyebrow, wondering why the woman thought they weren’t already doing that, but let it go as he watched his coworkers talk amongst themselves and move here and there between stations. His eyes drifted to Rae again, watching as she and Grant had what looked like a pleasant conversation. Without their attention on him, he took in Rae’s outfit, now unconstrained by her large jacket. She wore a very pretty blue dress with a familiar pattern he didn’t know the name of adorning it. It was sleeveless, and while Finn would have usually appreciated how she looked in it, he couldn’t get past her casted arm in a sling, the length of her left forearm bandaged, the bruises littered around her face, peaking out from the top of her dress, leading up sporadically to her shoulders. She was always beautiful to him, even now when things were tense between them. But he swallowed around the lump in his throat when she smiled at Grant, probably not realizing that she grimaced when the smile stretched the bruise across her cheek.

Grant waved as he left the office, and Finn saw Rae sigh as she looked over the paperwork she had to sort through for the day. She awkwardly adjusted in her chair, able to only use her lower body to get comfortable. Whatever anger Finn felt, and he was sure it wouldn’t dissipate any time soon, it paled in comparison to the aching sadness that suddenly washed over him from his perusal.

Rae glanced in Finn’s direction and he realized he’d been unabashedly staring at her without a care. He sent her a small smile, feeling warm when she returned it almost confusedly, and turned back to his own work.

~.~.~.~.~

The day ended in a flurry of activity, Sue asking a few people to stay later to assist in securing the heavier items they needed to have prepared for the moving team. Finn sent everyone a little wave as he left the office and took the stairs to the first floor, reaching for his cigarette tin before he even left the building. He forced himself to ignore them all day, and his body thrummed from the withdrawal. He had the ciggie between his lips as soon as he stepped outside, but stopped short of lighting it when he saw Rae standing at the curb again. She was likely waiting for Quinn to zip around and drive her home, so Finn had just a short window. He stored the cigarette back in its tin and took a deep breath.

He cleared the staircase and approached her, clearing his voice when he was about two arm lengths away, shoving his hands in his pockets to not reach out. Rae jumped, again, and turned to him quickly in surprise. A blush spread across her pretty face and she looked away quickly, Finn gauging that she was embarrassed about the morning. He smiled to himself and asked, “How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” she said. “Better. More normal.”

Finn nodded even though she didn’t look at him. “That’s good.” It came out softer than he wanted and it was his turn to look away, pushing down the urge to touch her in comfort. When he turned his gaze back to Rae, she quickly looked up from his mouth and it was then that he noticed he’d been biting his lip, and she’d been watching. It warmed him from the inside, although he was able to keep a neutral air between them. “Are you going to be okay tonight?” He asked without thought.

Rae’s forehead wrinkled in confusion, the expression quickly expelled when it shifted the cut on her eyebrow under a butterfly bandage. She made no acknowledgement of the action, as if she didn’t realize her body’s reaction to what must have been painful. “What do you mean? I’ll be fine.” Her annoyed tone warmed Finn even further but he kept it to himself as she got into Quinn’s car, paid him no mind, and they sped off.

Finn laughed quietly, surprising himself with the action. The bits and pieces of Rae that he knew shone through, and it slightly loosened the knot in his chest. Of course, the pit in his stomach didn’t dispel when he started the trek home. Her injuries, the almost unrecognizable demureness and jumpiness, how self-critical she was, the strange non-recognition of her pain, all culminated in his mind that something wasn’t right. Something was going on, and even though they had a lot to work through, and the guilt he felt at keeping the secret from his friends was eating at him, he needed to push all of that aside. He needed to figure out what was going on with Rae.

~.~.~.~

Friday morning had Finn walking to Leon’s again, his self-flagellation knowing no bounds. When he arrived, it was the first time he’d been able to hear the soft indie music playing throughout the space. It was usually drowned out by the chatter of impatient customers or the continuous use of loud espresso machines. The clock on the wall said it was barely six-thirty, so he ordered a latte and waited as the harried looking barista made his drink quickly and handed it to him with a barely-there smile. “Thanks,” he said as she waved him away before wiping down the counter. Finn shrugged and situated himself at a tall table next to the window.

The cafe started to fill up by six-forty-five, making the music inaudible, and Finn watched people rush along outside, eyes getting stuck on a homeless woman across the street. He sipped on his latte and wondered how long the woman had been there, stuck on a dingy surface with a matted dog to her side. He turned to look at the clock when Rae was suddenly in front of him.

Her surprised look matched his own and they stared at each other. Sure she would book it out of there, Finn gestured to the empty chair across from him and asked, “Do you want to sit?” Rae looked at it trepidatiously, shooting a concerned look to Finn. “Are you going to yell at me again?”

Finn sighed and rubbed his eyes, pissed at himself for making her think that they couldn’t have a normal conversation. “I’m just joking.” He looked up at Rae’s comment, confused that she seemed to be putting him at ease. He silently motioned to the chair again and Rae sat down gingerly, a heat of anger zipping through Finn at the pain she probably felt.

They sat there, silently looking at each other, and that’s when Finn noticed what she was wearing. She had on the same large jacket from yesterday, but it was zipped open to a very pretty black dress. He couldn’t remember how often he’d seen her in them, but he appreciated the little frilly things at her collar, the thick curls that cascaded around her bruised face, the hint of makeup. Seeing her across from him like that really hammered home the years they’d spent apart.

Finn cleared his throat and just dove in. “Look, I said it yesterday, but I don’t know how… well you took it then. I’m sorry about the way I spoke to you the other day. It was uncalled for.”

“Finn, you were angry. I don’t blame you. I understand.”

Rae’s response hit him in the gut, confusing and concerning, and he didn’t like that she was so willing to accept the harsh words he’d said and regretted. “Just because I was angry doesn’t mean I should’ve talked to you like that, Rae.” She became uncomfortable and looked away from him, absently taking a sip of her drink as she watched people rushing past them outside.

Finn sighed, reminded himself that there was a bigger picture, and started fiddling with the lid of his cup without looking at her. Best to just jump right in. “Listen, could we talk? I want to clear the air and… find out how you’re doing.” He finally met her gaze, the surprise and wariness there somewhat deflating his confidence, but he remained steadfast and waited for her answer.

“I don’t know…” She finally said, reluctantly. Finn wanted to frown but reined it in to keep the conversation going.

“Come on,” he replied in what he hoped was a friendly tone. “I don’t know this area that well. Maybe you could, I don’t know, show me where we could get a bite together after work today and we can talk, for real.”

“Instead of yelling at me?”

Finn frowned, ashamed of himself for making her think that, even if she tried to play it off as a joke earlier. It wasn’t lost on him that that was the first thing she thought when they were together. It wasn’t like they argued much when they were younger, so having her continuously bring it up set off warning bells somewhere at the back of his mind. Resolutely, he responded, “I want to talk with you. I need to find out how you’re doing.”

Rae just blinked at him in surprise, confusing Finn but not deterring him. They sat in in a heavy silence until he couldn’t stand it any longer. “Rae?”

She shook her head, as if coming out of a deep thought, and smiled at him. “Yeah, okay.” Finn returned the smile, but it didn’t feel genuine. The smile she gave him, while obviously sincere, was once again marred by her bruises, causing her to grimace slightly. And she didn’t even acknowledge it. It seemed as if she’d become so accustomed to the pain that she couldn’t tell when it was bothering her.

Setting that aside, Finn looked at the wall clock briefly before turning back to Rae. “Should we head to the office?” She just nodded in agreement and awkwardly stood from the chair, slightly unbalanced without proper use of her arms. Finn turned to the bin and tossed his half-full cup, frowning to himself at the vision of her discomfort, but sent Rae an encouraging smile when she was at his side and throwing away her cup.

They walked in tandem to Spotlight, stilted conversation making him feel awkward, like he was a teenager again. He pulled a cigarette from his pocket, his first one of the day, and his body immediately relaxed as soon as the nicotine hit his bloodstream. “Still smoking, huh?” Finn shot his eyes to Rae, her small grin sitting prettily behind a curtain of her hair. He laughed a little in surprise and took a drag while briefly keeping her gaze. “I guess so, yeah.”

Rae shook her head but smiled all the same and Finn felt a buoyant lift rise from the pit of his stomach.

Chapter Text

To Finn, it made sense why people in the office nicknamed Rae Cover Girl. It wasn’t just about how she was dressed or did her hair, but the way she seemed more confident when she walked into the office. Never one to seek out attention or desire the spotlight, but somehow always seemed to attract people to her like a magnet. It happened to Finn, to all of the Gang, and even though she saw the attention from others as negative, there was an underlying jealousy Finn noticed in most of them. At least when they were younger. As an adult, surrounded by other professionals who enjoyed what they did as much as she, there was no jealousy. Just a mutual respect and admiration. It was obvious to Finn how much their coworkers cared for and valued Rae. She just couldn’t see it.

He'd enjoyed watching Quinn and Grant treat Rae the way she’d always deserved. When she caught his eye as Grant gushed over her look, Finn had to look away lest she somehow realized his bigger plan. He was sure his ideas for trying to help her were obvious on his face, and he didn’t need her pushing him away. There needed to be careful consideration into getting Rae to open up that he’d noticed long ago, and she would be gone to him if she caught on.

Quinn helped Rae with her bag and outerwear, then left the office, chatting as they walked to the lift and out of his eyesight. He stretched out his back as if to show he’d been hard at work, and casually shrugged on his jacket and walked out of the office. Sue caught him leaving with a raised eyebrow and Finn motioned smoking. His boss sent him a small grin and took a sip of her coffee, slipping back into her office. He exhaled and shook his head, pretty sure she couldn’t read his mind, and jogged down the steps to the first floor.

He quietly walked outside, opening the heavy wooden doors as slowly as he could. He casually lit a cigarette and watched as Quinn headed for the underground carpark, Rae standing at the curb and kicking something. Steeling himself with a deep breath, he headed down the steps and stood to her right, far enough not to startle her, but downwind to smell her floral perfume or shampoo, something he hadn’t noticed that morning. He inhaled the pretty scent, berated himself for being a creep, and dove in.

“Where are you guys going?”

Rae didn’t react as she usually did around him, just stood comfortably next to him and kicked pebbles into the road. Already making progress, Finn took a celebratory drag on his ciggie and waited for her to respond.

“To hospital. They’re going to check me out. Take me out of this sling and look at my stitches and arm.”

Finn nodded and continued smoking, finally seeing what Rae attempted to do with sinking the rocks into a pothole ahead of them. Her failure was obvious, even though there seemed to be at least twenty pebbles, and Finn found himself smiling and looking at her. She had already been assessing him, and that made him smile wider, Rae matching it smally.

Quinn zipped around the corner and Finn quickly opened the door for Rae, as he assumed she’d try to do it herself. She thanked him, almost seeming surprised, and that warmed him more than her agreeing to meet with him. Progress was the key word in the Bigger Picture plan of his, and he finished his cigarette, opting to put it out in the ashtray versus being a dick and littering.

He took the stairs back to their office, slowly starting to hate the lift’s sluggish nature. When he walked inside and put his jacket on the back of his chair, Grant sent him a large smile. Something lurked behind it, a knowing sort of expression that made Finn look away and blush. Was he really being that obvious?

He picked up his notebook, focused on actually working, and started to organize which publications would do what during Burns. A shadow crossed over his desk, and he looked up. Delly stood there, large smile on her face, an easy air about her. Finn was stunned for a moment, having honestly forgotten about his hopes in getting to know her better outside of work. It was as if Rae being there had dulled his desire to date.

“Hey, Delly, how’s it?”

She pointed to the mock-ups of the interview tents for Burns at the corner of his desk. “Can I see those? Quinn asked me to compare it to the venue schematics and make sure everything is situated.” Finn nodded, handed them to her with a smile and a promise to himself that he would start to make more of an effort again. It wasn’t as if he and Rae would ever date again, so what the hell was he doing?

“Yeah, ‘course. Use them as long as you need, I already have the info in my notes.”

“Perfect, thanks!” She said in a peppy tone and whisked away. It seemed to Finn that she swayed her hips slightly more than a normal strut, and it made him turn back to his notebook and reframe some priorities. Figuring out what was going on with Rae was a priority. Getting her to open up and maybe even reconnect with everyone back home was a priority. Getting tangled up in emotions and a messy situation with her was not a priority.

Finn shook his head and picked up the phone to call Kerrang for confirmation, pushing away errant thoughts about Rae.

Finn commanded his brain to shut out any worry he felt at Quinn and Rae’s prolonged absence, reminding himself that hospital stuff can take forever, and it wasn’t really his place to worry, was it? And yet, two hours went by without their presence, and Finn found himself shooting a glance to the office door every few minutes. Lunch even came and went, Sue asking him to sit with her while they worked around bites of deli sandwiches. They finalized the presentation for the brothers’ visit downstairs, confirmed the other publications Finn had already confirmed, and discussed who they were excited to see during Burns. Sue, it turned out, was drawn to the harder side of Rock, and wasn’t that a surprise. He looked at his boss with a ifferrent lens, trying to imagine her in a mosh pit.

He chuckled and shook his head, going over the schematics for the stages at his desk. Truly remarkable to keep them so close together while being confident they wouldn’t interfere with the other. Scribbled words and arrows pointing to the drawn partitions, detailing the soundproofing techniques. He wondered who came up with it, and a memory surfaced from years ago, a festival the Gang attended, Chop and Rae complaining about hiking between stages. If I were in charge, she’d said on a huff when they’d cleared a hill, they’d be right next to each other, soundproofed and sounding perfect.

Chop had laughed and ribbed her about science fiction fantasies, Finn enjoying her eyeroll and the shove she gave their friend. They made it with a few minutes to spare, but Rae’s inventive petulance had ignited something in Finn, and he’d quietly drawn her away to show her how much he appreciated her imagination. Missing the stage was worth it and he’d ignored their friends’ knowing smiles.

“Oh, can I see that?”

Delly’s question shook Finn from his thoughts, and he cleared his throat from the inappropriate direction his mind was headed. He hoped he wasn’t blushing, and he sent Delly a grin, pointing to the stages with an anecdote about past concerts. She leant down and asked him a question, so he started to scribble on the mock-up, trying to explain why the closeness was a good idea. She made a comment about Rae’s idea coming to fruition, and a smug pride filled him unwarrantedly. He knew it was her. When Delly walked away with a wink, Finn found himself looking at Rae’s desk and he blinked in surprise. She sat there with a small smile on her face, rearranging papers, and he wondered how he missed their arrival.

Finn frowned and reminded himself that he shouldn’t care too much and glanced at the wall clock. Their meeting was only thirty minutes away, and everyone was scrambling to get presentation boards set up, get the walls covered with mock-ups and layout ideas. Grant’s desk became home to the official signage, something he grumbled about when he arrived back from his lunch break. He stood next to Rae as she slowly lifted from her chair, sending him a playful smile and shrugging in response. Finn couldn’t hear what was said, but she looked lighter and happy. It was then that Finn realized she hadn’t looked very happy since they’d found each other again.

When Grant wandered over to Sue for a conversation, Finn casually moseyed over to Rae’s desk with a smile. She blinked at him when she looked up from her desk, an embarrassed flush stealing over her face that confused Finn. He furrowed his brow but didn’t comment, instead sitting on the edge of her desk as she knocked together the papers into a neat pile. The air between them was comfortable and Finn’s good mood bumped up another notch.

“Should I be nervous?” Finn asked, not feeling nervous at all, but wanting Rae to engage with him somehow. She looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“What do you have to be nervous about? You’ve just started here. And you’ve brought in more coverage than we had originally anticipated. You’ll make them more money and get the magazine boosted.” Rae’s tone indicated she saw right through him, and Finn contained the wide grin that wanted to spread across his face.

“I know, but I’m still worried.”

Rae rolled her eyes and said in a mock-annoyed tone, “Well, go be worried over there; I’m busy.”

Finn played along and mumbled that he was allowed to be nervous, pushing himself from her desk and allowing the smile to pop up when his back was turned. Rae was acting more like herself, or at least, the Rae he remembered, and he had to wonder how the meeting went with her doctor. Maybe good news, or maybe they gave her a drug to ease the worry that seemed to constantly play on her face. Although he hoped it was the former, not wanting a repeat of that morning when Rae took too much Vicodin.

He frowned when he reached his desk and shook the thought from his mind. Rae seemed to have learnt her lesson there, as it were, although he found it hard to place any blame at her feet when it was Liam who put her in that position. Finn’s desire to meet the man face-to-face warred with his intense dislike of the guy, and he vowed that if they ever did meet, he wouldn’t give Rae any reason to think he couldn’t handle himself.

“Hello, all!”

A boisterous voice called from the doorway, and Finn watched as the executive team entered the office, wishing he could remember their names as Sue and Quinn walked over with their own greeting. He took a deep breath and sent a small smile their way when a few of the gentlemen caught his eye on their way in. Quinn rolled her eyes as she trailed behind them, winking at Finn as they paused in front of Sue’s closed office. He chuckled quietly at her derision, and noticed that Sue’s signature apple scent had disappeared.

His bosses started detailing the highlights of the fest, the Burns Radio representative taking notes and nodding along. Finn listened with half an ear, letting his eyes wander around the room as everyone stood and watched in a nervous energy. He caught Rae and Grant whispering about something, the worried expression she wore slowly melting away as Grant smiled at her and bumped their shoulders together gently. Finn wondered if she realized how much everyone here had her back.

“The whole thing, of course, was Rachel Earl’s brainchild. She came up with the entire set up, layout, and line up.”

Quinn’s voice cut through Finn’s musings, and he watched as she nodded nervously and had the same face a student made when they didn’t want to be called on in class. He contained a laugh as one of the execs – perhaps Reginald or Ryan, something with an R – asked her to expand on her thought process. She stuttered through her reasoning, the inspiration behind it matching Finn’s assumption from earlier.

She talked about mimicking a record store listening room, the same idea she’d explained years ago when they had discussed her idea more thoroughly after getting home from the festival. As she detailed how she would have wanted her own festival experiences to go, the memory of their missed stage once again floated into Finn’s mind. When Rae met his eyes, the same memory reflected in her gaze, he couldn’t help the small, flirty grin he sent her, reveling in the blush that enveloped her face as she looked away from him. He was still grinning when the executive team made their departure, and he couldn’t wait for their dinner later.

Quinn was successful in haranguing Sue into letting them go early and grab drinks together after the presentation, so Finn started getting his outerwear together, pleasantly surprised to see Rae looking at him when he adjusted his thin scarf. He smiled at her as Quinn said something, breaking eye contact to collect his paperwork and stuff it into his messenger bag. Derek whooped from his desk, startling Finn into looking up and watching the man shrug at Rae.

Finn raised an eyebrow but joined everyone as they collected by the door and slowly moved into the hallway. He stuck at the back, casually waiting for Rae so they could unintentionally take the lift or stairs together. It worked out perfectly, and he convinced her to join the handful of other staff who were too impatient for the lift. They slowly walked down the enclosed staircase, Finn offering to take her bag so she could move unencumbered, but not feeling put out when she demurred and instead gripped the banister tightly.

Once everyone was outside, Quinn led the way to the pub, Finn grateful when Grant told them it was less than fifteen minutes away. Everyone was gabbing as they walked, but Rae stayed mostly silent as the group moved along. Finn lit a ciggie and tried to engage her in conversation, but she wasn’t as inclined as she had been that morning. She had a faraway look on her face, and he had to wonder if it was the group dynamic that influenced her reticence. Or maybe it was the phone call she had right before they all left.

Nevertheless, he called it a win after getting a few smiles from her and watching her loosen up slightly when they neared the pub. He held open the door for her, turning into a doorman as everyone thanked him and made their way into the crowded space. He shook his head with a chuckle at himself, and finally joined them once Sue was the last one to pass him.

PJ’s Pub was the kind of loud and busy establishment Finn didn’t frequent often anymore. He preferred the other pub from when he first started, but this was closer to his flat and the Italian restaurant he wanted to take Rae to after they finished a drink or two, so he wasn’t overly bothered. He just wished the redhead in the corner would stop shooting him eyes. She reminded him too much of Izzy.

He looked away from the petite woman and slid into the open space at one of the designated work booths. Thirty minutes after arrival, there were a couple of half-full pitchers sitting on the table for those interested, and a few bottles of hard liquor to satisfy a stronger appreciation for alcohol. Finn nursed his sweating beer and chanced a look in Rae’s direction.

She seemed out of place at their rowdy table, and not just because of her injuries. There was a sadness that seemed to cling to her like a cloud, but it was like Finn was the only one to notice. Maybe he knew her well enough to see it. Or perhaps he was looking for her to be sad and therefore projected it onto her. Annoyed with his thoughts, Finn took a large gulp of smooth beer and saw Derek get up to start refilling glasses.

Finn found himself looking at Rae again, unable to stop the impulse. She took small sips of a dark drink, possibly a rum and cola, and Finn wondered when she changed her drinking preferences. The bruises on her face were hues of dark purple and blue. Lighter colours mixed with yellow ran along the edges to indicate healing. The stitched butterfly bandage near her eye was gone, the stitch indentations red against her skin. The black eye hid her eyelashes, making it look like an endless void. Finn clenched his fist, anger striking hot at the fucking driver who hit her and didn’t even stop to see if she was okay.

“Don’t you want a beer, Rae?” Finn looked to his left and saw Derek bending over next to Rae. She stared for a moment before sending him a smile and a shake of the head. “No, I don’t drink anymore.” Surprise stilled Finn’s hand for a moment as he brought his beer for another drink. That was something he hadn’t expected.

“Seriously?” Finn couldn’t stop himself from asking the question, but Rae just shrugged and looked away from him, raising his blood pressure a little. He took an annoyed sip of his pint, trying to focus on his other colleagues to no avail. Despite his best efforts, he overheard Rae and Quinn’s conversation regarding Quinn’s drinking, and Finn had to pay attention. He glanced back to where Rae sat, Quinn now on her right and boxing her in, and he could tell that she was uncomfortable. She showed it by almost throwing Quinn’s arm off of her and downing her cola.

“Whoops, sorry Rae. I forgot about the small space thing. I’ll be fine, don’t worry. We’ve only been here an hour. I’ll sober up before we go.” Finn raised his eyebrow at Quinn’s slightly slurred words then glanced at Rae. She had a sour expression on to be sure, but under that Finn noticed a nervous wariness that seemed unlike the Rae he used to know. It was obvious she was lost in thought, and Finn guessed she was internalizing things and making them worse than they were. Wanting to help her, Finn spoke.

“If it gets bad, I can drive you home in her car and she can stay with you for the night.”

Rae finally took the time to look at Finn, and he realized in that moment that she had been avoiding him since they left the office. A quick zing of frustration rang through him, but he tried to tamp it down when inspecting her face and only seeing a hidden worry behind those bruises. She continued to stare but say nothing, so Finn just shrugged and took a drink from his pint, moving his gaze to Grant at the other end. He watched as Grant gave Richard the last pour of the pitcher, grinning slightly when the older man made a face at what Finn assumed was warm beer.

“Okay, thanks. I think Quinn will be okay though.” Finn swallowed his drink and glanced back at Rae, surprised but glad she decided to engage with him. Mentally sighing, Finn considered Rae’s words, thinking of his own response.

“Does she usually drink like this?” He wouldn’t say that he was the judging type, but from the little he knew Quinn, it seemed par the course for the woman. Finn watched as Rae fiddled with a straw wrapper before giving him her attention with a slight nod in response. He grinned a little and continued with his beer, watching as their boss took everyone’s orders for refills.

“She’s a fun person. Can get a little wild if you don’t watch her though.” Finn looked back at Rae’s words, enjoying the small smile she sent his way. He nodded and looked at the clock over the bar, realizing that they’d been there almost an hour. The way she’d been avoiding him, though, Finn hazarded a guess that she was going to try and flake out on their plans. It wasn’t necessarily unexpected, especially in their current state of hesitant cordiality.

Keeping Rae’s attention, Finn asked, “I can tell. So, when do you want to leave? It’s already close to six.”

He saw the instant her walls went back up, the way she inadvertently told him she was uncomfortable with the idea by looking away and focusing on the water rings on the table. Finn sighed as she painted pictures with water and wondered what he was doing. He contemplated his indecision but watching Rae focus so intently on her drawing, seeing the way she hid behind her hair and tried as much as possible to shrink away, something inside Finn kept nudging at him to try. He needed to focus on the Bigger Picture. He lifted his pint for a sip when she finally spoke.

“I don’t know, Finn. Quinn is staying with me this weekend, and I shouldn’t leave her like this.” Finn closed his eyes for a moment, mentally patting himself on the back for guessing correctly. Although, her reasoning could be genuine and not an excuse, he had to make sure.

Ignoring his beer, he asked her, “Why is Quinn staying with you?” When Rae finally met his eyes again, Finn congratulated himself for getting her to react in some way beyond staring at the dark grain of the dirty table.

“My… Liam is out of town, and I asked Quinn to stay with me to keep me company. And it’ll be easier because she’s taking me tomorrow.”

“Oh.” Finn didn’t know what to expect, but that was certainly a surprise. He set his beer back on the table, suddenly not interested in the hoppy flavour any longer. He stared at Rae, unsure of what to say but not wanting to disrupt the suddenly intense connection they seemed to have in that moment. Finn held Rae’s eyes, the familiar hazel alight with confusion and something deeper that Finn couldn’t determine but felt the desperate need to decipher. Almost as if she couldn’t handle the staring, Rae asked Finn what he wanted.

Finn shook his head, “Nothing, I just –”

“Finn, my boy! When are you taking my Rae here away?”

Their surroundings sank back into Finn’s awareness and both he and Rae watched as Quinn sat down on the chair next to Finn as she asked the question. Finn raised an eyebrow, unaware that Rae had said something to their boss about them getting together. Maybe that means she’s more interested than I originally thought.

He looked back at the woman in question and was surprised to see Rae sending an intense glare to a much drunker Quinn. Her eyes seemed out of focus and scared. Oblivious, Quinn laughed and slapped Finn on the shoulder, garnering an eyeroll from him. He checked Rae again and she was openly scowling at Quinn, the anger causing the tops of her ears to go pink. “Quinn, we just talked about this. What the hell?”

Finn was taken aback by Rae’s harsh tone, as confused by it as Quinn seemed. He moved his gaze between the women, trying to figure out if he would have to jump in to calm things down. “I’m fine Rae. If worse comes to worse, Sue can drive me home and take you in my car.” Rae’s face lost most of its ire and morphed into an angry worry at Quinn’s response.

She shook her head, “But you’re staying with me this weekend. Plus, we have to be up early tomorrow, and you shouldn’t drink so much tonight.” Quinn scoffed at the statement, “Okay, mum.”

The disregard surprised Finn and he looked back to Rae, alarmed to see her face drained of colour and tears forming. He wasn’t sure what had just happened to cause such a switch in her demeanor, but he figured it could only get worse the more they interacted.

He inserted himself into their conversation. “Hey, it’s all right. We can get this worked out, yeah? I can drive you both to Rae’s in Quinn’s car.”

Quinn’s lips quirked up and she was about to respond when Rae started to collect herself as if to leave. She cleared her throat and looked at them, speaking in a more neutral voice, “Never mind. She can stay here. I don’t have a problem staying alone for a couple days, and she’s clearly enjoying herself.”

Rae wrapped her bag’s strap over her shoulder and gave them both a wan smile before scooting away from the booth and heading to the front door. Finn watched, slightly bewildered, as she went into the front closet to get her outerwear when Quinn cursed next to him.

“Fuck. Goddamn fuck. Not good, what to do, what to do?”

Finn looked at the petite woman worrying her thumbnail to the quip and contemplated the question. I could still drive them, I guess. He moved his attention back to Rae, his heart beating faster as he watched her hair loosen from its clip and cascade down her back. The dark curls looked like satin as Rae absently shook her head to even the hair’s distribution and stuff the clip in her bag.

Finn blinked and she was gone, like an apparition. He scrambled from the table, cursing quietly as he stubbed his toe against one of the legs of Quinn’s chair. She exclaimed for him to wait, but he ignored it and rushed to the pub’s closet to get his things. After throwing on his warm layers and retrieving his messenger bag, Finn zoomed out of the pub in the hopes that Rae wouldn’t be too far. Not seeing her close, Finn swiveled his head around to find her, spotting a person almost three blocks to his right. Finn twisted and jogged that way. The person had just gotten to the curb, so to keep them there, Finn called out Rae’s name. They turned toward him, and Finn felt triumphant in his assumption as Rae’s surprised expression became clearer.

Finn stopped when he reached her. “Jesus, you’re fast. Wait up.” He took a deep breath and stood up straight to crack his back before continuing. Rae wore a disbelieving expression.

“What is it, Finn?”

Finn mentally rolled his eyes and stretched his arms out behind him before relaxing, shooting Rae a raised eyebrow. “Look, don’t take what Quinn said back there to heart. I’m sure she didn’t mean for it to come off that way.”

“Are you her messenger then?” The biting response sent a wave of annoyance through Finn, and he knew she saw it when she looked away. She tried to cross her arms, perhaps to warm herself up or tell Finn to back off, but it was made awkward with her casts and any annoyance in Finn vanished at the sight. He wanted to reach out and put a hand on her cast to reassure her but knew it’d be a bad idea. He spoke instead.

“No, I came out here to make sure you get home safely.”

“What?” Rae looked at Finn in surprise, her nose and cheeks turning red in the chilly night. Finn wished she wasn’t going to act this shocked every time he offered his help, and that made him wonder even more why she would be so surprised. Huffing, Finn adjusted his bag’s strap and said, “I’m not just going to let you walk home, alone, in this weather, at this time of night. And it’s clear you don’t want to have dinner with me, so the least I could do is get you home.”

“That’s not – I don’t – Thank you.”

Finn nodded, already expecting her stilted response, and waited for her to lead the way. Still acting like the situation wasn’t real, Rae slowly continued straight, and Finn followed her, trying to figure out what he could say. After a few quiet moments, they passed by the intersection that led to his flat, and he realized that he didn’t know where they were going.

“How far away are you?”

“About thirty minutes walking.” Rae’s voice was airier than normal, almost breathless, raising Finn’s eyebrow but not making him want to delve further. Maybe she was regretting the walk, so he figured staying quiet would prevent her the chance to say she didn’t want his help after all. They continued at a normal pace, things around them interesting on a lively Friday night. After passing a few pubs with patrons spilling out onto the streets smoking, Finn’s habit kicked in and he lit up his own cigarette to calm the nerves he was decidedly ignoring. He figured it would be a good idea to try and start a conversation, but every avenue of discussion fizzled out in his head, and he was stuck. Then again, it’s not like I’m the only one here. She could say something too. The unkind thought made Finn frown and he took a final drag from his ciggie before tossing it into the street and exhaling into the cold night’s air.

They turned a corner, and everything was suddenly residential. Not flats either, actual homes with trees and bushes lining the sidewalks. Things were quieter, and a majority of the houses stayed dark except for one or two lit windows. The streetlamps illuminated a good amount around them, and Finn found himself enjoying the little slice of suburbia he didn’t experience often. He looked away from the blue house to his left and had to stop himself from running into Rae. He followed her stare and took in the white two-storey house in front of them. It was very modern with grey shutters and a pretty little porch. Colourful potted flowers stood together on the entryway and something about it struck Finn somewhere familiar. It reminded him of the exclusive neighbourhoods he’d cruise through when smoking spliffs in the car with Chop.

Finn smiled at the memory and looked at Rae. She didn’t face him, still looking at the house, and Finn realized then that they’d arrived at her home. He quickly looked back at the house, thinking he had to say something. “This is pretty nice, Rae.” She didn’t respond and Finn sighed as he heard the rustle of her retrieving keys from her bag. Once they sounded free, Finn turned to Rae and found her looking at him intently. Finn shrugged and sent her a smile, “Well–”

“Do you want to come in?”

Rae’s interruption surprised Finn but he couldn’t stop the fluttering in his chest that he desperately wanted to squash. Even so, his smile widened just a little as the shock of realization showed itself on Rae’s face before him.

“Are you sure?”

Rae just nodded and turned stiffly toward the house, silently leading Finn up the small flight of stairs and into a handsomely decorated modern home. The moment was beyond surreal, and Finn watched Rae slowly remove her bag and outerwear and dump them absentmindedly on a cushioned bench near the staircase. She’d yet to turn around, so Finn closed the door behind him with a loud click that shot Rae into the air. She twisted quickly to face him, raising Finn’s eyebrow as she looked at him with wide eyes. Her expression settled quickly though, and she gestured to the kitchen to his left. “Want some tea?”

Finn looked at the open space in wonder, never picturing Rae living in a place like this. Keeping his thoughts to himself, Finn just agreed and walked to the marble-covered island. Rae mumbled something about a stool, walking down the hall some to a little hallway closet where she retrieved a stool that matched the kitchen style. She set it in front of Finn with a small smile. “Here, sit while I get some tea started.”

Before Finn could offer his help, Rae had already made it to the other side and was busying herself with tea preparation. She kept her back to him, so Finn sighed and sat there quietly. He watched her pull a kettle from the cupboard, fill it with water, get mugs and set them on the counter, get tea from a drawer and drop the bags in the mugs, put the kettle on the burner.

It all seemed unnecessary work for someone with a cast, but Finn didn’t want to interrupt and cause a disruption in whatever they were doing. It was so quiet, though, that they could hear a pin drop and it was driving Finn mad. He saw Rae glance at the clock, probably wondering when he was planning to leave. Finn frowned and looked at the marble countertop, the lack of any decorations or food seeming odd to him. He remembered Rae’s room and house and couldn’t find her anywhere in this kitchen.

The kettle sounded and Finn looked up to see Rae lifting the kettle and moving the mugs around to pour. This is just ridiculous. Finn pushed away from the island, the legs scraping against the floor startling Rae into spilling water. He made it to her side and pointed at the kettle.

“Let me help you. That can’t feel good on your arm.”

Rae blinked at him and looked at the kettle, almost as if she were unaware of what she was doing. Finn frowned again but changed his expression to something pleasant when she looked back at him. She smiled a little and set the kettle back on the burner and moved to the side. While Rae got a tea towel to dry the water she spilled, Finn made quick work of filling the mugs and situating them on the island, across from each other. He then moved purposely to the other side so Rae would have to face him if she wanted to drink her tea.

Rae finished the cleanup in silence and Finn shoved his hands into his pockets as he waited for her to look at him. Instead, Rae picked at the edge of her cast and looked about the kitchen. Finn pushed down his frustration and just sat back down, dragging his mug of tea closer. The rough squeal of porcelain on marble made Finn grimace and he could see the expression on Rae’s face as well before she looked away from him.

Needing to say something, Finn figured an apology would get her talking. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize the cup was so, uh, heavy.”

“It’s okay.” Rae smiled and Finn returned it, but things quickly got awkward again when silence settled around them. What happened to the easiness between them during the day? When had things shifted back to the painful awkwardness?

Finn focused on his tea, dunking the bag multiple times even though it splashed water onto the counter. There was a small part of him that wanted to mess up the seemingly perfect surface of the island. What the hell was Rae doing in a house like this? A throaty sound masked by the slurp of tea pulled Finn from his musing and he looked at Rae in confusion.

“So–”

“I–”

Finn blinked as he and Rae spoke together, their responding laughs helping to ease some tension. He smiled and took a sip of the hot tea and waved at Rae to keep going. She put her mug on the counter and propped herself against the counter.

“No, go ahead. What were you going to say?” Rae asked. He looked around the kitchen and swallowed another sip of tea before looking back at Rae, nerves breaking out inside him.

“I was just going to say that this is a very nice place. When did you move here?”

Rae drank from her mug and looked at Finn intently before responding. “When I moved into the city.”

When no more was said, Finn bit back a snap of anger and instead took a long pull on his tea, burning the roof of his mouth in the process. Things became awkward again around them, Finn’s anger at Rae’s reluctance to talk gnawing at him. She looked out the window and it gave Finn a chance to study her face again. Her injuries.

A fury burned low and deep inside him, wanting to lash out at whoever hurt Rae, at whatever turned her into the person who stood before him. He had to relax his hands to not crush the mug in them, calm his nerves so he didn’t demand Rae to tell him what happened.

“Do you like it?”

Rae looked back at him, a quiet surprise settling on her face when she took in his schooled expression. “Of course.”

Finn wanted to sigh at the answer but just nodded and took a sip of his tea, looking out the window to watch the rain. He imagined it cooling his anger-heated skin. “Hope the rain doesn’t stick through the weekend.” He met her eyes again, determined to get her to open up to him. “Sue would be upset.”

Rae’s eyes widened as she set her purple mug on the island counter. “That’s exactly what I was thinking.” A grin graced his face, and he felt a sense of satisfaction. He wanted to keep doing it. He wanted her to let him. To want him to surprise her.

“It must be because I know you so well.” Rae blinked and moved her gaze to the large smile that spread across Finn’s face. He thought it would be more fun than he was expecting, but the sadness on her face left an acidic taste in his mouth and he looked away, clearing his throat.

Before he could say anything, Rae asked, “Do you want to go to the living room? I have some biscuits.” Her hopeful, scared tone made Finn nod in agreement, and he waited awkwardly while she grabbed a paper bag from the pantry. She dumped half of the biscuits on a plate and gestured down the hall with a nervous smile. Finn grabbed their teas and headed to the back of the house with Rae behind him, taking in the art prints and nice furniture that lined their path.

The living room reflected the same modern taste as the rest of the house, leather couches and arm chairs the colour of camel, dark wood accents dispersed around. If the kitchen was nothing like Rae, the living room was like walking into a different dimension. It was so far removed from the homey, comfortable spaces Finn was used to when it came to Rae, that he almost felt uncomfortable sitting down.

He did anyway, though, if only to encourage Rae to join him, awkwardly standing next to the coffee table after depositing the plate. She took the armchair across from him, sitting down slowly and with a stiff back. Finn’s nostrils flared out of her sight, upset she had to be so careful. He pushed it away, thought of the Bigger Picture, and settled against the couch cushions as Rae took the proffered mug.

“So, who are you looking forward to seeing this weekend?” Finn asked, slurping his cooling tea. Rae blinked at him for a moment before shrugging, “All of them, I guess. We’ve all been listening to each band over and over in preparation.” She finished with a small smile, eyes faraway as she probably contemplated the long months Spotlight had been putting into the show. It made Finn feel good, like, for the first time since he’d seen Rae in London, he understood her a little more.

They drank their tea and Rae started sharing stories about their coworkers, stumbling over Quinn’s name slightly, eyes flashing in memory of earlier that night. But she smiled nonetheless when talking about her antics over the years. Most people had worked at Spotlight for a while, from the sound of Rae’s fond recollections, and Finn could clearly picture Rae integrating herself into the tightknit office with ease. After detailing Quinn’s attempt at strip poker during a Christmas party, Rae’s eyes suddenly flicked to the clock next to her.

“I can just picture it.” Finn said, trying to draw her attention and keep her from wishing him away. She looked at him with a smile, but the light in her eyes had dimmed, and Finn took a biscuit in defeat, the crunchy ginger snap slightly too sweet. Rae turned her attention to the window across from the couch, the moonlight catching on the droplets of steady rain running down the glass. Strangely, a small smile grew across Rae’s face for a moment before her voice sounded in the room, quiet and preoccupied.

“So how is everyone?”

Finn’s hands stilled as he wiped crumbs from his fingers, his gaze shooting to Rae. What colour could be seen had drained from her face, and it was obvious she instantly regretted the question. Annoyance surged in Finn for a moment, wondering what right she had to even ask, how she thought it was fair to be privy to the lives she’d abandoned.

And yet. Her hand nervously played with the edges of her cast, and she avoided Finn’s eyes even though his gaze hadn’t left hers. He could feel the slow building of frantic energy from her, how her body went rigid and her face started to pinch. His eyes fell to her hands, the fingers of her right hand clenching and unclenching, and Finn recognized one of her panic attacks growing.

Rae’s body started to thrum anxiously, Finn could see how affected she was, saw how she gasped for breath. Whatever annoyance he felt faded as concern and, unfortunately, pity grew in its place. He opened his mouth, Rae beating him by a second.

“I –”

“Everyone is good, more or less.” Finn cut in, the trembling tone of that one syllable enough to get him going. He needed to remember the Bigger Picture. And if that meant sharing details she clearly, desperately wanted, maybe needed, Finn could live with it. “Archie is seeing someone,” Finn continued, “A bloke named James. Chloe has a fella, Robert. He’s decent and keeps her well looked-after.”

Rae’s eyes finally landed on his, frozen and scared, as if she didn’t mean for it to happen. “Chop and Izzy are engaged,” Finn powered through, swallowing around an odd lump in his throat. “Me dad met a woman last year. Beatrice. She’s nice.” He remembered her kissing him on the cheek before he moved, rubbing his arms and telling him she was proud of him.

Finn smiled briefly at the memory and looked at Rae, shedding any animosity and trying to present himself as neutral and friendly. He schooled his features to remain the same as he watched tears slowly gather against her lower eyelids, eyes unblinking as she stared at him. He smiled at her and she turned back to the window. Finn bit the inside of his cheek and focused on the Bigger Picture.

“And… and my family?” Rae asked, and Finn’s face did fall at that. She wouldn’t notice, not looking at him, but Finn recognized that he’d captured her attention enough to stem her panic attack, and he labeled that a win. But he sighed as he set his empty mug down, feeling more conflicted. The way he spoke to her about Natalie, and the subsequent half-believed apology, Finn didn’t know if they could talk about her family. But just like with the Gang, maybe talking about them could open her up a little more.

“Well, your mum –”

The doorbell rang suddenly, and Rae scrambled from the armchair, set her mug down quickly, told Finn to wait, and ran away. Finn sighed again, dropping his head to his hands and staring at the deep brown rug. “– got a new job,” Finn finished to himself quietly, shaking his head and sitting up when he heard another woman’s voice at the door. He did his best to put the disappointing end of their conversation to the back of his mind.

Following instructions, Finn stayed put, leaning against the cushions once more and looking around the slightly boring room. It was a large house, probably a few bedrooms, large backyard. He wondered what Liam did to afford this place, because Rae’s salary definitely couldn’t. And she’d told him that she’d moved in with someone, so it had to be Liam’s.

Finn frowned, unsure why he couldn’t see a trace of Rae in the house. When he would consider living with Rae, he always pictures a cozy flat or home, lots of colour and personality and life. He had loved going to Rae’s house, seeing her and her family splashed all over the place, seeing her room be the embodiment of who she was in subtle ways. Finn wondered what her bedroom looked like in her current home and felt a sudden tinge of sadness at the thought, almost positive it was just like the downstairs.

He glanced at the clock and realized the polite waiting period was over, so he collected their dishes and headed to the kitchen, curious who’d arrived. Quinn was slumped over the counter, occupying the same stool Finn had. He stopped in range to hear the tail end of Quinn’s question, “ –Walk you home? Come in?”

The words kept Finn’s mouth shut, holding his breath as he waited for Rae’s response. He saw her grimace at the question, saying, “Quinn, I don’t think –”

And he immediately interrupted, suddenly not wanting her to finish that thought. “Hey, Quinn.” He said casually, startling both women into an echoing silence. Finn almost smiled at their expressions, comparing it to two children getting caught gossiping.

The kettle screamed and it set the kitchen into motion, Rae spinning quickly to get more tea ready and Quinn shooting a guilty look his way. “Finn!” She squeaked out and Finn grinned at her blush, settling his face when Rae turned around and looked at him. He just raised an eyebrow and she shrugged, setting Quinn’s mug in front of her forcefully.

Finn swallowed his laugh and walked forward, setting their dishes on the island for a moment. Quinn’s eyes roved between them, narrowing slightly in contemplation, and Finn grinned at her, not feeling in any way regretful of the evening. Rae grabbed the dishes, quickly depositing them in the sink.

“What’s up?” Finn finally asked, keeping Quinn’s gaze as her expression slowly morphed into something mischievous. “Not much. I’m staying with Rae for the weekend. What’s up with you?” Quinn responded, her tone very obvious.

Finn cleared his throat and made it even more obvious, looking at Rae, who finally turned back from the sink. He shrugged and looked at the open half-bag of ginger snaps on the island. “Not much.” He responded, noncommittedly.

“Walk Rae home, did you?” She asked quickly.

“Yeah.” Finn responded, shooting a warning look at his boss.

“And just stayed for tea and light refreshments?” Quinn continued, ignoring his annoyance while her grin widened.

Finn swallowed, “Uhm –”

“Needed to do some catching up, perhaps?” She just kept badgering, and Finn started to feel flustered at her seemingly more intimate understanding of his relationship with Rae than he’d initially believed. Rae had discussed this with her, which meant it was, at least, somewhat important to her, considering how close she was to Quinn.

“Quinn, stop.” Rae interjected, raising Finn’s eyebrow while Quinn slurped her tea. She looked at him with an almost helpless shrug, as if to indicate That’s Quinn for you.

“It’s just curious, that’s all.”

Finn’s gaze shot back to Quinn as she dunked her tea bag like Finn had earlier. “It’s not curious at all.” Rae immediately responded. “Finn walked me home. It started to rain. He doesn’t have a car. I wasn’t going to make him walk the however long trip home in this.”

Finn stared at Rae, her tone pitching higher toward the end, nerves tangling up in her words. Quinn hummed in response, and he opened his mouth to say something when the phone rang from the hallway. Rae’s body went rigid at the sound, and she quickly waved at them to be quiet before rushing to answer.

Quinn raised her eyebrows at Finn over her mug, and he blinked in return, both at a loss. They stayed still and quiet, as Rae asked, and he could faintly hear Rae muttering over the phone, too quietly to pick anything up. He let his gaze wander around the open space again, taking in the long, probably rarely used, dining table to the side of the kitchen. Sleek appliances and high-quality accessories adorning the counter. Flashy staircase leading up to a dark hallway.

His attention is temporarily snagged when Quinn slowly, with dramatic quietness, reaches for a biscuit without crinkling the bag. They shared an amused grin, Finn holding back his laugh as she successfully deposited it into her mouth in one bite. He shook his head and Rae reappeared with a forced smile, Quinn letting her laugh out now that they were alone again.

The tense set to Rae’s shoulders dampened the playful conversation and Quinn looked at Finn for a moment before asking, “Everything okay, Rae?”

Rae turned to them with her full mug, fake smile bigger as she answered. “Yeah, of course! Things are still a little awkward with this thing on my arm, that’s all.”

Quinn nodded dubiously. “Oh, okay. Who called?”

Finn watched Rae sip the too-hot tea, unbothered by the temperature. Emotions flittered over her face until Finn had to look away, waiting for her clearly over-thought reply.

“Oh, it was just Liam. He made it to Carlisle safely.” She said nonchalantly, and Finn wondered if Quinn also heard her voice crack at the end.

“That’s good.” Quinn replied, Finn looking back at Rae, somewhat calmer smile on her face. “Yeah.” She said quietly, and they all fell into an awkward silence, something heavy coiling between Finn and Rae. It felt like the fragile truce between them was starting to unmoor, already anchored with the thinnest thread. Her eyes shot to his briefly, without thought, before she turned her attention to the still night outside the window.

Finn needed a fucking cigarette. He was just about at his emotional bandwidth, and if he were honest with himself, Rae’s call really bummed him out. “Well,” he found himself saying, “I should probably go. It’s stopped raining and we have an early morning.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. We should start getting ready for tomorrow anyway, right, Rae?” Quinn asked while Finn headed to the entryway for his outerwear and messenger bag. He adjusted his clothes with an odd sensation running through him, making him jittery and uncertain. “How far do you have to go?” Quinn asked when Finn was ready.

“I think about fifteen or twenty minutes, not bad.” Quinn nodded and sipped her tea, looking between Finn and Rae. She made a joke about precious sleep, Finn smiling a little when he looked up at Rae. The smile faded slightly at her distant expression, catching his eyes in an almost-vacant stare. It unsettled Finn.

She walked over silently to open the door for him, expressing something that looked like regret. He held his beanie and searched for how to convey to her that they would talk about her family, that he’d make sure she would want to see everyone again.

Before he could, though, Rae beat him, saying in a detached voice, “Goodnight, Finn.” Finn’s hands stopped and he answered flatly, “Right,” before securing his beanie and leaving her house without a backward glance. He didn’t think he could stomach seeing the vibrancy from earlier drained from her eyes, the small, pleased smile she’d hid from him now disingenuous. He huffed out a breath into the night chilled by heavy rain, quickly lighting a ciggie and inhaling deeply. Really, the only explanation he could think of was her boyfriend.

He was the one that said or did something over the phone that sapped Rae’s energy, turned her into the shell Finn and Quinn experienced in their last ten minutes together. He was the one who Rae seemed hesitant to discuss. He was the one who didn’t protect her, didn’t drive her when he should have, didn’t walk with her if he couldn’t.

Finn fumed to himself as he searched for familiar landmarks and streets, chain-smoking until he made it home. He stomped up the steps and huffed into his flat, calming down in time not to slam his front door. He did toss his bag to the dining table rather forcefully, though.

Finn rubbed his face, shook off his outerwear, and prepared for bed. He did a minimal job of ignoring the rambling thoughts about Rae, the guilt at continuing to keep the information to himself. When he burrowed under his covers and set his alarm for the ungodly hour of five a.m., he closed his eyes and tried to put together the next steps for the Bigger Picture.

He needed to get Rae to meet him outside of work.

He needed to know more about her relationship.

He needed her to trust him again.

Finn sighed and forced himself to relax into his soft pillow and firm mattress. Nothing to do about it until an opportunity presented itself, so Finn shoved his plans out of his mind and listed out his duties for the weekend until he fell into a deep sleep. That night, he dreamt of Rae crowd surfing at the venue, body and face unmarred, vibrant and carefree. Happy.

Chapter Text

In the glow of the thankfully sunny day, a respectable amount of the crowd chanted back lyrics to a Spoon song that Finn couldn’t remember. He zipped around the outer edge of the crowd and narrowed in on Jordan Something leaning against the roped-off Journalists booth. The brunette tapped the beat against his thigh as he lip-synced the song, obviously oblivious to the importance of time management.

Finn moved until he stood in Jordan’s direct path, forcing him to look up and meet Finn’s eyes in an annoyed trepidation. “So,” Finn said as he crossed his arms and looked blatantly at Jordan’s wrists. “You have a watch on, and I think you’re smart enough to tell time. Why the fuck are you here when your interview with The Go! Team started fifteen minutes ago?”

Jordan quickly looked at his watch and blanched. “I – I didn’t mean to –” Finn waved off his excuse and gestured behind him. “Let’s fucking go, then.” He took off and expected Jordan to be trailing after him, gangly and long-limbed. The tent for interviews was on the other, quieter side of the venue, so that added another five minutes. After getting ready and doing the interview, they’d be a fucking hour behind schedule. That would be at least two bands waiting, unless Finn could rearrange some of the interview and photo times.

He groaned as they neared the tent, frustrated and warm in his black outfit. He turned to Jordan with a frown. “Don’t dawdle. We need to stick to a schedule, and I need to fucking switch it around now.” Jordan just nodded and swallowed as he hunched slightly. Finn took a deep breath, cut down on his swearing, and said, “Just focus on the interview, then be prepared for two more. Your block is the next three hours, so do you job.” Which he seemed woefully underqualified for.

The other man squeaked out an affirmative and scurried into the tent to do his job. Finn rolled his eyes, Jordan was the only journalists’ name he could remember because of how fucking annoying he was. He snorted then, shaking off the stress and looking around the private section of the venue, separated by a large white partition where they housed the more production-focused side of the festival.

Sue waved him over to their headquarters in a smaller blue tent, stepping inside to wait for him. He moved the door flap aside and walked in. Ten of his coworkers moved around working on things and talking amongst themselves, a standing fan at each corner to cool them off. A few turned to wave at him, Delly asking how things were going.

After a quick chat, Sue brought his attention to her desk in the corner. “Quinn just noticed that the programs for tomorrow had two typos.” She jumped right in, frowning in deep disappointment. Finn figured someone would have a lovely conversation with her later. “She printed the corrected copies, and I need them to be folded with the map stapled.”

She sent him an appraising look and Finn’s stomach dropped when he realized where the conversation was headed. “I need you to do this. Collect Rae from Stage Two and you two can work on it in the trailer, since there’s no space here.” Sue waved her hand around at the crowded tent, full of all the materials they needed throughout the weekend.

Finn wanted to groan but he swallowed it at his boss’ raised eyebrow. “Yeah, of course.” He eventually replied with a strained smile. Sue ignored his expression and smiled back. She pointed at a cardboard box next to her desk. “That’s the last box. Dennis already moved the rest.” Finn had no idea who Dennis was, but he nodded stiffly and picked it up, balancing it against his hip. He made his way to Stage Two, taking the staff route behind the performances.

He remembered seeing Rae sighing forlornly at the side of the stage a few hours ago, clipboard in her left hand and pen awkwardly held in her right, clearly feeling left out. He chewed on his lip as he headed in the direction of the backstage section for Spotlight. She’d been there all day, per Sue’s strict instructions, meticulously confirming the show was moving along smoothly, scowling down at the clipboard.

Finn grinned for a moment before stepping behind the panel, his greeting dying on his lips. “Rae, I need your help with – Oh, wow.” Frontman for Franz Ferdinand Alex Kapranos stood in front of Rae with an easy smile on his face, fingers tapping a beat against his leg. The duo looked his way, and Finn immediately shifted the box to extend a hand to the singer, enjoying the firm handshake in return. “It’s great to meet you, man. I’m a big fan. Really looking forward to your set later.”

“Cheers, we’re excited.” Alex said in his smooth Scottish accent. Finn grinned and set the cardboard box down, glancing quickly to see that Rae had turned her back on them. He filed that away for later, wanting to focus on a rare opportunity to be a fan. He looked back at Alex and asked him about their touring schedule, which launched them into a conversation about travelling by train and tour bus. He shared some fun stories about the band, Finn detailing when he saw them perform live two years ago.

After about ten minutes of easy conversation and laughs – and complete silence from Rae – the singer looked at his watch with a sigh. “Well, I’ve got to get going.” Rae finally turned around at that, friendly expression strained and barely visible through her bruises. “It was so nice meeting you,” she said quietly in his direction and Alex stepped forward with his hands in his pockets. “Aye, you too, Rae. I hope you feel better soon.”

Finn enjoyed the pink tinge to Rae’s cheeks as he himself said goodbye, shaking Alex’s hand one more time before the man sauntered out of their vision. Finn huffed out a disbelieving laugh, staring at Rae. He opened his mouth to share in excitement, but Rae immediately turned back to the stage, where Green Day were packing up after their last song.

He blinked, legitimately startled at her blatant refusal to engage. But specifically with him. She was all blushing niceties with Alex Kapranos, of course she was. Finn picked up the box with a huff and stormed off, not caring if he came off as petulant. He stomped back to the trailer and went about organizing the programs himself. He huffed and folded and stapled and stewed.

Hot and cold, that’s what Rae was, and what she’d always been. Pushed Finn away just to draw him back in, driving him crazy in a way that used to excite him, like she was a puzzle he eagerly got to solve. Currently the push and pull drove Finn mad in the wrong direction, burning resentment at her shift from the night before.

He groaned and stapled a program with extra force before tossing it on the growing pile. Tea and biscuits and laughs – all fleeting and false, drifting away as if it never happened. Finn snorted at the maudlin thought and shook his head with a deep frown. No, that was just Rae. Always finding a way to keep a person at arm’s length. Whenever things seemed the smallest bit difficult, she would balk or fight. It was always –

And yet. Finn paused in his hurried, angry assembly of the programs. A memory floated to the front of Finn’s mind from when they were eighteen and Rae stayed over one night. Sometimes, she’d said, clutching his tee as he rubbed soothing circles into her back, recovering together from a fight that had turned into a sudden crying fest on Rae’s end, for no reason or cause, the darkness just… lingers.

She’d been talking about waking up some days feeling awful, just overcome with griping sadness or unkind thoughts. How it coloured every moment of her day and usually got at least one person upset with her. It’s what led to their stupid row over dinner, which blew up into Rae accusing Finn of never caring about her preferences. It was so out of the blue that Finn immediately responded in matching anger, yelling at each other until Rae’s indignation quickly crumbled to tears.

 But, she’d said in the smallest voice later, I really can’t help it. Whenever I’m feeling this way, it lashes out. They’d started calling them her Overwhelm Days, joking about ODing, Finn giving her space or being present. It seemed to help ease her out of them sooner, have them less.

Finn heaved a deep sigh and dropped the stapler in the box. He rubbed his eyes, wondering for the first time if the forlorn look on Rae’s face wasn’t just because she felt left out. Of course she’d be friendly to a famous musician who was friendly to her. And, Finn had to admit begrudgingly, of course she would fling her attitude toward Finn during one of her days. She couldn’t help it.

The realization actually settled Finn’s nerves quite a bit. He adjusted his perspective of the interaction, feeling indeed very grown up as he finished more of the programs and settled them on the pile. This had no impact on the Bigger Picture. In fact, it only solidified Finn’s determination, because he could see his Rae slowly appearing. And it wasn’t as if he had any claim to her, but that’s how he viewed Rae. City Rae and Finn’s Rae were completely different people, and they seemed to be merging in different ways the more they interacted.

He left the trailer with a sigh and headed back to Rae with a slower gait and less anger. An apology died on his lips when he found her vanished from her assigned station. He took a few minutes to look around for her, asked the people milling about if they’d seen her. No one had. He even waited at the loos for five minutes, hoping she might come out at some point.

After thirty minutes of waiting around and searching for Rae, Finn gave up. It was obvious that she was either having a day or she’d regretted inviting Finn to join her last night and wanted nothing to do with him. He sighed as he stepped into the trailer and finished the box. He took it to Sue and asked for someone else, lying that Rae found it difficult with her casted arms. That did the trick, and she sent Dennis along, Finn finally putting a name to the face of the writing director’s executive assistant.

They took an hour to finish, Finn wishing Dennis a good second half of the festival. He chatted with Sue for a bit, going over the rest of the schedule and sharing his frustrations with Jordan. Getting that off his chest, Finn headed back to the interview tent. The four stations they’d set up were active with journalists and bands, chatter echoing around the thick plastic walls. He zeroed in on Doug, Spotlight’s head photographer, as he munched on a doughnut and looked around.

“Hey, Doug.” Finn said in greeting as the man straightened from his lean on the table. He nodded in response as he finished his doughnut. “Schedule is changed a bit, you’ll get the last four bands thirty minutes later than we have posted.”

Doug snorted after he finished his snack, wiping his hands free of any crumbs. “Things always fall behind, no worries. Where does Sue want them? Or Quinn? Light might be tricky outside if it’s later.” Finn took his small notebook from his back pocket and flipped a few pages. “They want today’s artists mostly outdoor with a few shots against our backdrop.” He read off. “Tomorrow will be mostly indoor. They want variety, as long as there are enough shots of the performances.”

Finn looked up at Doug as he dropped the pages and stuffed his notebook back in his pocket. “Whatever you can’t get, I’m sure we can just do them inside.” Doug nodded, turning around to get his camera and necessary accessories. “Sounds good, I’ll go set up. Ta.” Doug waved at Finn as he said goodbye and Finn looked at the schedule, already focused on what needed to be done next.

It was going to be a long weekend.

Once photos were done and they were finishing up the interviews, the radio coverage didn’t need any additional oversight, and Sue signed off on the day’s coverage, Finn had some time on his hands. He headed for Stage One, hoping to catch a bit of the last show of the night. Franz Ferdinand were launching into This Fire, and Finn stood at the edge of the stage, ears half blown as the band gave an energetic performance.

Without meaning to, he wondered if Rae was enjoying the show too. If she was standing on the other side of the stage, obscured by thick curtains and partitions. He sighed and watched as they finished the song to loud applause and cheers. The band said their thanks and goodbyes before heading Finn’s way. That made him grin, shaking each man’s hand as they passed him with adrenaline-driven energy.

Alex Kapranos gave him a large smile and said hello before following his bandmates further backstage, Finn shaking his head in amazement. One of the reasons he came to London was to work in the music scene, get in with a proper publication, have exposure to more of the industry. And he realized it was all starting to piece together.

He turned from staring blankly at the stage as Quinn called his name, telling him their crew were meeting at the benches in fifteen minutes. They’d fortunately hired out for the setup and breakdown, so Finn had no more responsibilities until the morning. He nodded at Quinn and moved leisurely to the backstage’s outdoor smoking section. He nodded to a few crew members of various jobs as he lit his cigarette, body relaxing as the sweet, sweet feeling of nicotine hit his blood stream.

They enjoyed a comfortable silence together, all drained from a long day’s work. A tall man with spiky black hair and a black ensemble made his way over a few minutes later as one man stubbed out his cigarette and said goodbye. The newcomer mumbled a greeting to everyone as he took a drag on his ciggie. Finn returned it, narrowing his eyes at the whisper of recognition in his mind.

But Sue had stressed that everyone needed to not embarrass the magazine and yourselves by being a gawking fan, so Finn left his inquires in his head and wished them a good night before moving to the benches. Rae was, unsurprisingly, absent and Finn just focused on the good mood of his coworkers. He accepted a beer from Derek, a pat on the back from Delly, and added in his cheers with the rest of them. They all departed soon after, citing the early start time the next day.

Finn looked around the small area before moving to his car, wondering where Quinn ran off to while they were all mingling. He shrugged to himself and scooted into his car, the seat cooler than he expected. He shivered in surprise and turned the ignition before zipping home.

Once he’d had two sandwiches and another beer, Finn answered a late catch-up call from his dad, skirting around the Rae issue as he promised to visit soon. He prepared for bed, mentally listed out his to-dos for Sunday, and slipped into a deep and dreamless sleep.

The next day moved at the same pace. By two, Finn had spent his time running around to keep things on time, checking in with different journalists and their publications on coverage, helping with anything Sue or Quinn needed, and chatting up some band members mingling backstage. He’d call it a successful day by that point, even though he was bone tired and ready to sink into bed.

He hefted a crate of speaker components into the setup crew’s van, figuring out schematics as he considered the remaining seven crates. He organized them until only one box and a set of loose, thick cables remained, and before he lifted them, a soft voice sounded behind him.

“Do you maybe want to go for something after all?” Finn turned to see Rae standing nearby, looking nervous and wrung out. Even around her bruises and makeup, Finn could tell she was dead on her feet. He quirked an eyebrow, wondering what prompted her surprise attack. In his silence, Rae started to look more nervous, sputtering out, “Never mind, you’re probably really busy –”

“That sounds great, actually. What did you have in mind?” Finn interrupted her, grateful she was reaching out for once, but slightly suspicious since he’d not seen hide nor hair of her all day. He knew she was intentionally avoiding him when she stood at the back of their team huddle that morning, far away from Finn.

“Uhm.” Rae responded, her eyes wandering around them as she decided. He raised his second eyebrow for a moment, but schooled his features before she looked at him, enjoying the American band playing enthusiastically behind them. Finn then noticed Rae’s hands moving, a thick white bandage wrapped around one hand that wasn’t there before.

He spoke as he looked at her hands. “What about –”

“How does – ” Finn caught Rae’s eye as they interrupted each other, smiling a little at the fact. “Sorry, go ahead.” Finn said as he gestured to Rae. She cleared her throat and replied, “Uh, okay. Well, I was just going to say my coffee shop. Dispel the bad vibes.”

Finn looked at her in confusion for a moment. “Your coffee shop? You mean Leon’s?”

Rae squinted at him. “Who’s Leon?”

Finn laughed then, rubbing his eyes with a quiet sigh. The back and forth with Rae was either exhilarating or damn tiring sometimes, and he felt in the latter category at that moment. “Leon’s is the place where you met that old guy.” Finn finally said, looking back at Rae’s neutral expression. “Squishy chairs, dark wood tables, a girl who scowls a lot behind the counter.”

“Huh. Not the name I would have gone with. Too Marxist for me.”

Finn laughed outright at that, thrown by the comment. He looked at Rae in surprise and confusion, taking in her reddening cheeks and deciding to let it go. “Yeah, sure, Rae. That sounds on. When?” Finn gave her time to figure it out, clearly talking to him without much forethought. It actually encouraged Finn as he lifted the cables into the van, because it meant she felt compelled to talk to him, to invite him out.

“What about tomorrow before work?” Finn lifted the final, heavy box into the van and turned to her on a strained breath, not enjoying the idea of having a time limit on their discussion. “Monday morning? That doesn’t really…” Finn trailed off before he said anything to negate her apparent olive branch. “Okay, sure I guess.” He finished lamely.

“Sorry, but I can’t exactly take the time after work. I have to get home to make dinner and all that.”

“Dinner?” Finn asked, legitimately surprised. “Since when do you make dinner?” Rae turned her attention from him, and he watched as she frowned toward the crowd, messing with the bandage around her hand aggressively. “I can cook. I cook well. You just haven’t noticed.” She said snottily, not looking at Finn.

He took a deep, annoyed breath and responded, “I’ve never seen you go to the lengths to cook an entire meal, Rae. It’s not that I’ve never noticed.”

“Well, I can. Do you want to get coffee or not?” She replied, sharpish, shooting Finn’s eyebrows up. He nodded slowly in response, trying to figure out what made her attitude shift so rapidly. He could see her getting ready to bolt, her body tensing as if to run away. “Perfect,” Rae said, looking away from him. “I’ll see you tomorrow at six –”

“Wait, hold on a minute.” Finn stopped Rae, turning his full attention to her. “Look, I’m sorry if I’ve been a dick to you. I honestly don’t mean to, and I’ve apologized for it.” He took a breath and tried to erase the frown that had situated itself on his face. “I understand if someone has a bad day, but it’s like day and night with you all the time, Rae. Now, I’m not sure what I’ve said or done, but I think I deserve to know why you hate me one minute and tolerate me the next.”

“I don’t hate you.”

When no other response came, Finn rolled his eyes. “Oh, that’s good to know.” He said sarcastically. “As long as you can bear with me, I’ll be fine.”

“That’s not… Don’t put words in my mouth. Why do you think that? It’s not true.”

Finn almost scoffed. “It’s not? Then, please, enlighten me as to how it isn’t true. Besides the time you had me over to your house, you’ve always been standoffish.” Rae immediately shot her nervous gaze around them, checking for any nosy listeners. Unbelievable, Finn thought. He huffed out a breath and used the same tone she’d slung at him earlier. “You don’t want people knowing I was over. And you say you don’t hate me?”

“Stop it. I– It’s just– It’s complicated. I don’t hate you. I’m, um, trying to –”

“Oh, I get it.” Finn interrupted again, now fully cognizant of her concerns. It boiled his blood. “It’s not me, is it? It’s him. He’s the one you don’t want finding out, isn’t it? You think that if he hears we’ve been spending time together, he’ll leave you? Or that he’ll give me a good talking to? Don’t worry, Rae. I have no plans on meeting your boyfriend.”

Rae let out a startled laugh, her mouth opening in surprise. Her eyes were slightly wild, looking faraway. Finn raised an eyebrow, confused and almost concerned at the quick shift. “Why is that funny?” He asked, still annoyed.

“You think Liam would just –” Rae stopped herself with a shake of her head, eyes widening for a split second before she schooled her features with nervous laughter. What did she think her boyfriend would do, if not tell Finn to back off? “Never mind, it’s nothing. I don’t hate you or tolerate you. It’s weird, you being here. And I’m not sure what… You’re expecting from me.”

The annoyance in him deflated into weariness and Finn sighed, rubbing his eyes again. “I don’t expect anything, Rae. I’m just confused. It’s been such a long time –”

Rae cut him off. “Can we talk about this later? I have work to do, and I don’t want Sue seeing us standing around.”

Finn stared at her incredulously as she looked over his shoulder. “Fine, okay. Tomorrow morning at six. See you then.” He said angrily and turned, not bothering to hear her reply. He stomped his way to Stage One and threw aside the curtain to go backstage. He smiled smally at the stagehands and passing band members as everyone got the next shows situated around him. Finn found it harder to enjoy the scene after his frustrating conversation with Rae.

He watched hawkishly as Doug and the tall photographer from Q zipped around backstage, taking shots of preparations and intimate scenes of the bands on stage. They seemed familiar with each other, slinging quick comments and laughs between themselves as they worked. Finn never really found comradery with coworkers, and he wondered if that was subconsciously by choice.

Suzanne, of course, stopped counting once they started sleeping together. And other than going out for drinks after work, Finn didn’t spend much time getting to know his coworkers. Maybe he should change that.

He watched as 3 Colours Red walked on stage to loud applause and enjoyed the first half of their set before he shifted back into work mode and met up with Quinn at their headquarters tent. She led him to the interview tent while chattering about who she’d met so far, exhilarating in the pictures she’d develop later.

He added his own commentary, smiling wanly when Quinn knew about Alex Kapranos from Rae. They leapt into the fray and helped with directing when the new batch of artists and bands walked through. Quinn greeted some as if they were long-time friends, and Finn realized that they probably were, stunned when she introduced him to each performer.

He spent the afternoon hopping between the radio broadcasting tent and checking in with the journalists and photographers. He ran around, taking short breaks to enjoy different sets as the sun began its slow descent.

Slipping into sleep after midnight and waking up before six was not Finn’s idea of a good start to the week. But he trudged through his morning routine anyway and got dressed, walking into Leon’s right as the clock hand struck twelve. He rubbed his bleary eyes and searched for Rae among the dining patrons. He’d apparently got there before her, so he waited in line to get them both a drink then moved to the soft armchairs by the windows.

It wasn’t lost on Finn that they’d had their terrible conversation in the same spot, but Rae did say she wanted to dispel bad vibes, so Finn carefully set their mugs down and settled into his chair. He people-watched for a bit, sipping his coffee while he waited. When Rae arrived, he gestured to the opposite armchair as he set his mug down, watching the trepidation play out clearly on her face.

“Morning.” Finn said to break the silence. “Hiya,” Rae mumbled, cheeks reddening as she took in the coffees between them. “I got you a coffee.” Finn said, obviously.

“I see that.” Rae responded. “Thank you.” They lulled back into awkward silence, a hum of discontent settled around them and sticking Finn’s tongue to the roof of his mouth. Rae gently lifted the mug to her mouth, showing off the bandage around her hand that Finn had forgotten about. He made a surprised noise around a mouthful of coffee and set his mug down.

“What happened to your hand?” He asked, Rae’s eyes drifting to the bandage. “Oh, that,” she said, not meeting Finn’s eyes. “I cut it when I was picking up a broken picture frame. It looks worse than it is.” She avoided eye contact in the brief quiet, making Finn think it wasn’t the whole truth.

“Bummer.” He said anyway, recognizing the faraway look Rae had on, how she was getting lost in her own head. “Yeah,” she said quietly, moving her thumb gently over the bandage without thought. Finn watched her for a moment, saw her actively curl in on herself as she stared down at her hand.

“So, uh, what do you want to talk about?” Finn asked, trying to pull focus. Rae stared at him and absently lowered her hand to her lap, eyes clearing until they were looking at each other again. Eventually, she shrugged in her awkward manner that made Finn contain his grunt of frustration. “Well, I guess, why don’t you tell me how you like London?” He continued, taking another sip of coffee.

Rae stared at him for a moment. “This is so weird.” She said, finally, and the blunt delivery had Finn snorting into his mug. “Yeah, I guess.” He responded. “But it’s not like we know a whole lot about what the other’s been doing. Or anything, in fact. I know nothing about your life anymore.”

“Yeah.” Rae replied, a single, soft, heartbreaking syllable. Finn frowned and set down his coffee mug with a shake of his head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come off that way. I just meant… I’m just interested in what you’ve been doing.”

Finn stared at Rae, holding her gaze and watching as too many thoughts flittered across her expression. She seemed to be warring with some internal argument, and Finn sat there as a steady connection. He could see that she was on the precipice of something. The contortion of her eyebrows, the furrow situated right between them. She straightened her back and looked at Finn with something akin to fear, tinged with weariness. It sent a chill up Finn’s spine.

She opened her mouth and for a moment, nothing came out. But then, she said, “Actually, things aren’t –” and was immediately cut off by a deeper, masculine voice. “Rae?” Finn was stunned to watch Rae’s face drain of colour, to witness every inch of her body tense as she slowly turned in her chair toward the front of the shop. Finn finally cut his glance from her, worry settling lowly at the imposing figure of a tall, brunette man.

He easily had four inches and a good two stone on Finn, and his first thought was This isn’t someone you want to meet pissed at the pub. It took Finn a moment to realize that he was the one who called Rae’s name, who sent her into such a drastic spiral right in front of Finn. He blinked as he realized who the fucking guy was. He stood there next to an old man, frowning as he stared at Rae with a hard expression.

He wore a nice suit, possibly tailored, and Finn begrudgingly admitted that the cobalt blue colour suited the man’s complexion. That was the only compliment he’d give Liam, though. He heard Rae spluttering next to him in a nervous way, making the hairs on Finn’s neck stand up. Why was she so nervous to be seen with a friend? He could admit that someone seeing their partner dining with another person would set off warning bells, encourage jealousy.

“Excuse me?” Liam said with a deeper frown, the old man straightening behind him. Finn’s eyes snapped between Rae and her boyfriend, unsure what he should do. “I mean, you know, I didn’t mean it in a bad way. Just surprised. Pleasantly surprised.” Rae responded, her forced cheeriness making Finn cringe and look away for a moment. Why did she have to sound so damn guilty?

Liam stared at Rae, irking Finn. Why the fuck was it such a big deal? Who fucking cared what Rae did before work? He pushed away the growing anger toward the man and lifted from his chair. He remembered declaring to Rae quite recently that’d he never meet this man, but, well… Fuck it.

He stuck out his hand defiantly, raised eyebrow sent Liam’s way as the man deigned to finally look at Finn. “Hi, I’m Finn.”