Archive of Our Own ^beta

Every once in a while, Clark gets the urge to sunbathe. It’s a nice way to relax – the warmth on his body, the wind in his hair, the taste of the sunlight on his skin…

…There aren’t really any words in English that can quite describe what sunlight tastes like. Probably because humans can’t actually taste it. The flavor is a bit like… the feeling of excitement jitters, with a slight hint of ticklishness and a shade of yellow somewhere between dandelion and straw.

Anyway, sunbathing is one of Clark’s favorite pastimes. It’s very energizing, revitalizing. He makes sure to get at least an hour of sunlight a day, even when it’s raining or snowing or what-have-you, because the few times he doesn’t he always ends up feeling out of it.

The thought that he might be some sort of plant-person has crossed his mind before, yes. It’s not a thought that Clark particularly likes.

Then a STAR labs expo proves that idea wrong.

***

Clark, Lois, and Jimmy get sent to the STAR labs expo to do basic journalism stuff. Ask about the tech being showed off, interview the scientists there, sniff out any shady practices, the like. Well, Mr. White actually asked them specifically not to do that last bit, but with Lois with them it was always going to happen anyway.

All was going well until Clark suddenly stops walking, enraptured.

He’s tasting something other than sunlight. Something that tastes like… sharpness, smoke, and warmth. He kind of wants to eat it. Like, he really wants to eat it.

“Uh, Clark?” Lois asks, jolting him away from his thoughts. “You’ve kind of been staring into space there.”

Clark’s eye twitches, and he licks his lips unconsciously. “There’s something weird going on over there.” He points to where the taste is coming from “Like sunlight, but not? It’s hard to explain.”

Lois glances where he’s pointing. “Okay then. Let’s go check it out.”

“Lead the way, buddy!” Jimmy agrees.

Clark’s friends are amazing. He starts walking over to where the taste is coming from, and as they get closer it gets more and more intense. He’s almost salivating. It’s a little disconcerting. It also tastes incredibly good.

He stops at what looks like a metal ball, encased in glass. This seems to be the spot where the taste is strongest, and the area around it is strangely hot.

“It’s this.” Clark nods to it. “This ball is emitting the not-sunlight, and it’s incredibly strong.”

“I can’t see anything.” Jimmy says, and then he snaps a few pictures. He grimaces when looking at the results. “My photos are coming out a little grainy, though.”

“Hot not-sunlight and grainy photos…” Lois mumbles. Then her eyes widen. “We need to get away from this quick.” She grabs Jimmy by the arm and pulls him back at least 15 feet away. Clark stays, though. This stuff is making him jittery, but in a good way. He starts tapping his foot.

“You too, Clark!”

“I’m fine, though?” Clark looks at Lois, fists balled in excitement. “This stuff’s great!”

Lois groans in frustration. “Clark it’s radioactive!”

“I want to eat it.” Clark mumbles. “Do you think they’d kick us out if I ate it?”

Jimmy snorts, “Oh my God, is he high?”

Lois glares at him. “He’s high from radiation, Jimmy!” She hisses.

“It’s clearly not hurting him, though.”

An expo worker spots them and heads over, and Lois turns on her recorder pre-emptively. “I see you’ve spotted the fusion core! Wonderful technology, it harnesses nuclear fusion to produce immense amounts of power! And it’s perfectly safe, of course, the lead lining prevents any of it from getting through.”

“Uh-huh.” Lois says. “Then why are our pictures of it coming out grainy? And why’s it hot?” She takes Jimmy’s camera straight from his hands and shows the expo worker.

The worker’s eyes widen. “Shit,” They say, “They said they stopped the leakage problem. Someone must’ve accidentally set out a Mk. 2 instead of a Mk. 3. We need to get this out of here, now.”

That kicks Clark into gear, and a few moments later Superman is on the scene, and he throws the fusion core so far it probably lands in the sun. They evacuate the convention afterwards so a hazmat team can clear out the leftover radiation.

Mr. White sighs at the paper they write about it, but they saved people’s lives that day, and even with their paper itself. The people who got radiation sickness were able to recognize it and get treated.

Strangely, Lois and Jimmy don’t suffer any ill effects whatsoever. No cancer, no fertility issues, no radiation sickness, nothing.

***

For the next few weeks Jimmy insists upon bringing in all their mail. Clark shrugs and lets him do it, but only after he forces Jimmy to let him take over all the cooking. He doesn’t get what Jimmy’s going for, until he comes home with a package.

The package very faintly tastes like buzzing, and blurriness, and the itchy skin of a kiwi fruit.

Jimmy opens it up and spills its content onto the table. It’s a Geiger counter, and a lead box labeled uranium.

“Jimmy!” Clark protests. “You bought uranium!?”

“I wanted to test something.” Jimmy explains as he puts batteries into the Geiger counter. “Don’t worry, it’s not enough to kill me.” He turns on the Geiger counter and opens the lead box. Right away, it starts clicking. “Now come over here, and don’t close the box.”

Clark walks over to Jimmy nervously. “I just don’t want you getting…” He trails off when he notices that the counter has stopped ticking. “Did the…?”

“The Geiger counter calmed down when you got closer.” Jimmy confirms. “Back away again.”

Clark backs away from the uranium, and the counter starts ticking again. He walks back to the table, and it once again stops ticking.

“Oh my God.” Clark whispers. “I literally eat radiation.”

“Eat it, absorb it, whatever.” Jimmy says. “Either way, you’re getting most of it.”

“But not all?”

“Right now the radiation around this bit of uranium is about…” He checks something on his phone. “Twice background level? So it’s pretty much harmless.”

“Huh.” Clark licks his lips.

“If your body’s telling you to eat the rock…”

“I am not going to eat a rock, Jimmy.” Clarck ignores his stomach growling. “I am going to sit here and passively absorb radiation like a normal person, thank you very much.”

“Sure thing, Kansas.”

Clark stands by the uranium for a full minute before his curiosity gets the better of him and he scrapes off a tiny piece and puts it in his mouth.

It’s an explosion of flavor, bright and colorful and oh so good. It feels like fireworks are going off in his mouth. He can feel his nerves buzzing under his skin. Even the best regular human food tastes like dirt in comparison.

…Is this the diet Clark is supposed to be on? Is this what he’s supposed to eat? Is that why regular food feels so unfilling, why he’s always had to eat portions meant for someone four times his size?

“How much uranium is someone legally allowed to buy?” Clark asks.

“3.3 pounds.” Jimmy’s smile gains a teasing tilt. “Do you want to eat the cancer rock, bud?”

Clark snaps off another piece of uranium and throws it in his mouth. It’s still the best thing he’s ever tasted. “I think this is what I’m supposed to eat, instead of human food.”

“Oh.” Jimmy’s eyes widen. “Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“We could get Superman to call in a favor?”

***

Turns out, it’s very easy to get a company to give you illegal amounts of radioactive material if you save their company from the PR nightmare of potentially killing hundreds of people via radiation poisoning. It’s even easier once Superman gives them a demonstration of why he needs it with the leftover uranium he has.

He still ends up sticking to uranium and sunlight, for the most part, because sunlight is free and uranium is abundant, but he does get to sample other flavors.

He learns that Technetium tastes like electricity and jubilation.

Radon is a gas that he can’t actually swallow, but the radiation it gives off tastes like dark basements and plastic.

Plutonium tastes like purple and radishes.

Bismuth, he is told by the scientists, is radioactive by the barest technicality. The most stable isotope of it has a half life of 2 x 10¹⁹ years (the universe itself is only 1.3 x 10¹⁰ years old), which translates to a decay rate of about 11 atoms an hour. Even humans can eat it safely, albeit in small quantities in the form of Pepto-Bismol, but Clark uses it like chewing gum. It tastes like the sound of hammers striking metal.

…He encountered a Red Sun Omega Field before, at Cadmus, but he didn’t realize the sticky, sickly feeling he had in it was the taste of it until he gets trapped in another one when he’s kidnapped by the general…

…That poisonous green rock – Kryptonite, he later learns it’s called – it just tastes like pain.

***

Superman is so close to the sun right now. So, so very close that it’s almost hard to fly, the force of its gravity almost too strong. The taste of its light is almost overwhelming.

Then Brainiac revs up a Kryptonite laser beam and it’s suddenly all he can taste. All he can feel.

Kara pushes him out of the way of the beam, and she falls, falls, deeper into the sun’s pull. Superman follows after her, of course, but he doesn’t think they’ll be able to escape. Not when they’re this close.

Then he’s proven wrong. The taste of the poison is washed away from his skin, replaced entirely by the familiar, comforting taste of the sun’s warm glow.

The feeling of excitement jitters, a slight hint of ticklishness, and a shade of yellow somewhere between dandelion and straw.

They blast right through the second kryptonite beam, blast right through Brainiac’s ship, and Kara tears Brainiac right in two, but not before he’s able to get one last strike on her.

He brings her back to Earth. Sure, she might be able to heal faster closer to the sun, but she’ll still heal just fine comfortably laying down on a bed, and seeing her float in the depths of space is terrifying. Besides, he’s not sure he’ll be able to escape the sun’s pull a second time.

Kara wakes up a few days later, and all is well.

And Clark gets to show her all the wonderful flavors of radiation, too.