Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Louis hummed contemplatively as he tasted his spaghetti sauce.

Fuck, it just wasn't the same without the garlic powder. He’d really tried to make it work with the seasoning he had but with a defeated sigh he finally admitted to himself he needed to go out and walk over to the convivence store. He looked at the time with a worried hum as he factored in how fast he’d have to be to beat Armand back home.

He’d really been hoping to surprise him with dinner tonight. He wanted to do something sweet for him today because he knows he’s been more stressed then usual with his finals coming up. Really taking notice when he caught Armand staring at the old case he kept his razor blade kit. After six months of being clean from taking those same razors to his wrist, Louis was determined to help him get pass any tempting feelings he may be having. He was also thinking of bringing back up getting rid of the kit all together. 

When they moved in and Armand explained he kept it there as a reminder to himself that he could in fact get through life without it, as Louis always told him and finally convinced him was true when they got together, even with it in plain sight. Louis was still on the fence about that but then again he had his own issues and coping mechanisms Armand didn’t fully approve of. Getting over an eating disorder was about as easy as trying to quit cutting ones self. Which is to say, it’s hard as Hell.

If Louis was having a set back of his own, he was glad to asks Armand to slip him some meal replacement in any food he could get him to ingest. A bottle of soylent mixed in with a smoothie or soup did wonders in keeping his meals balanced and calorie count high. Now that he’s finally reached his heavier, healthier goal weight, it was more a fight with himself to love it and keep it on.

All that to say, Louis was doing his part tonight in supporting his boyfriend. Not like either of them had anyone but each other to do that after all. Family was... complicated to say the least. Louis’ disowning him for coming out as gay and... Armand’s mother and step-dad deserved nothing more than to burn in the lowest, deepest, hottest pits of Hell for what they put him through. Louis would put that on a pillow if he thought he could get away with it.

Louis thoughts continued on this odd tangent as he walked back home. Practically running his way up the stairs to their apartment as he realized the time and Armand would definitely be home by now. Hoping traffic had slowed him a bit. All the same, when he went up the stairs and turned the corner of the hall to their apartment he was immediately happy upon seeing Armand face when he locked eyes on it. Well… happy about two seconds.

Right until he noticed the distress as Armand was being cornered next to their door by an middle aged man.

Chapter Text

When Louis first learned about Armand’s past with his family it had been about a month into their relationship.

Given the way they met, a drunken one night stand at a gay bar, they were pretty open sexually earlier on. After waking up in bed together barely remembering the night Louis had jokingly suggested that they go again just to see what it was like while nudging their arms together. Armand had only giggled tiredly at the words. Knowing they were a joke as they were both far too hung over to even attempt such a thing.

Instead, he’d suggested going to the Café under his apartment complex getting some smoothies to hydrate and breakfast burritos. Bringing it back to his place and eating in bed while they binge some shitty TV. Louis was more then pleased to take him up on that offer instead.

Armand would confide in him later that Louis was the first who agreed to that offer instead of just trying to leave before Armand was awake. Which is kinda how their relationship kicked off. Louis just asked if he could keep coming over after that morning and Armand agreed, expecting just sex. A little friends with benefits situation.

But you see, Louis was a romantic at heart. A wine and dine kind of a man. Next thing Armand knew he was spending more nights in cuddling up on the sofa with Louis then going out looking for cheap self affirming affection of a fuck and chuck. It was a couple weeks in when a adorably nervous Armand had asked Louis if they were dating. Getting even more butterflies and the sweetest blush when Louis just hugged him from behind and kissed his cheek with an affection ‘duh, dummy.’

The sex that night was the first they both remember.

They would get closer and closer as months passed. Open up more and more as certain habits and traits were impossible to go unnoticed after while. Like the way Armand favored long sleeves and sweaters and occasionally rubbed a little too harsh at his wrist. Or how Louis often canceled dinner plans in favor of going out somewhere it was easier to hide he wasn’t eating. How despite plenty talk of friends and occasional talks of their child hood neither had seen the others family or even witnessed a phone call.

Eventually these traits combined with the deep pillow talk they often had after sex would lead to Armand finally showing Louis his wrist. They would lead to Louis finally letting Armand know why he always kept high calories snacks on him. Why neither of them ever seemed to call their moms. Of course, that earlier on they hadn’t gotten so detailed about where these problems stemed from. Just vague ideas of who was to blame and how they tried to cope.

Things got better after that. They both found it much easier to improve with help. Real help and support. Armand didn’t bother asking Louis if he’d eaten in a day. He’d just put on a movie and pass him some of his favorite snacks or sometimes risk a meal. Louis didn’t chastise Armand for digging his fingers into his healing wrist when he got anxious. He simply took his hand and locked their fingers affectionately with a soft kiss.

They both made strides in their own way to help and in doing so became each other’s rock. They became a team. A true partnership, companions if you will. It may seem fast by other standards but when you were finally in a healthy relationship and had kind of made your partner your main source of sanity of both sides moving in together after a couple months was nothing. Especially given that you hadn’t really stopped sleeping over since the first night.

A few of their friends insisted that it would fall apart soon and for Louis not to bother breaking his lease yet. Later when months pass of them still comfortably living together those same friends would insist they needed time apart because the codependency was unacceptable. Louis and Armand thought they were all just too picky about the details of a relationship they weren’t in themselves. They were content in their little codependent bubble. Seeing no harm in their actions for the most part. Only seeing growth in themselves and each other mentally, physically, and emotionally with every day of being together. They make each other better. They are each other’s family.

So of course they would get a real taste of each other bio family later. Louis was first. His baby sister having come by. Louis had been in class and Armand had actually been going to grab a bit more of Louis’ things from his old place. They tried to get a little bit more every week as they waited out his lease. Since it was cheaper then out right breaking it.

When he saw the confused girl insistently knocking on the door he’d introduced himself of course. Further introduced himself as Louis boyfriend after she explained her brother lived there. He saw her go from a sweet girl looking from help to a tight smiled disapproving woman. It was jarring to see. Made Armand’s own smile twitch a bit. He offered to call Louis and let her in while they wait.

She agreed and he was kind enough to get her water. One of the only things left in the kitchen. She’d pretty much interrogated him while he’d tried to text Louis about what was going on. Wanting to know his name, background, how he and Louis met, why does he have a key, ect. Armand tried answering honestly and open with growing discomfort as she seemed more and more disapproving. When Armand finally got a response from Louis saying not to let her in and send her home immediately his eyes widened a bit.

So after a bit of a verbal… disagreement about Armand’s right to put her out of Louis’ place he gave a deep sigh after closing the door. Louis would tell him later about how his sister would come see him about once a month. How his family always sent her to ambush him, knowing she use to be his closest siblings. Coming to asks if Louis had finally learned his lesson and was ready to give up his life of sin and rejoin the family. A conversation that had gotten too hard to have after a while. Too hard to endure his past loving sister trying to guilt him into pretending to be something he’s not. He’d just started ignoring her after a while. Stopped trying to convince her otherwise. To let it go and just be his sister again. He had to give up on her and the rest of them.

Armand has just held him close as he talked about it. Curled up in the bed and wrapped around Armand’s waist and resting his head on his belly. Just letting him get it all out and finally confide in him. It was such a rough day, Armand didn’t even bother trying to get him to eat the sandwich he made. Instead he just took a liquid meal replacement and blended it with a small smoothie. Helping Louis to get it down as best he could. He was sure to tell him how proud he was when Louis finished half of it.

Armand was next. Louis hadn’t actually met Armand’s family like Armand met Louis’ sister. Instead he got to see the extent of the after affects they caused. The real trauma they left Armand with. They had been about to have sex. While they were typically not very gentle in bed, they both enjoyed a rough romp, it was a bit more then usual even for them.

Things had really picked up on the sofa. Armand having even started by pushing him down on it and straddling him as they made out. Both groaning and smiling happily as they eventually made to get up while still locked together and literally tearing clothes off heading to the bedroom. Louis had held Armand from behind to better wrap his arms around him to kiss and reach his neck. Armand easily rolling his head to the side for better access and giving sweet gasps in return.

Both chuckling again when their knees hit the edge of the bed with their walk and they fell forward. Things had still been fine then. They were when Louis took both their pants off, when he and Armand both prepped him together, and they still were when Louis got on to the bed and they started going at it doggy style. While Armand had been clawing at the bed sheets and biting the pillow beneath him as he tried to sniffle his moans at the rough treatment and bruising grip on his hips, he’d also been pushing back against Louis’ thrust almost as hard as he was receiving them.

The problem came when they bent down further. When Louis climbed more on top of Armand. When Armand lost his ability to push back against him. When he couldn’t look forward and see Louis’ reflection in the metal strip of their head board. When he felt pinned to the bed and the hug Louis was giving him from behind felt more like a purposeful hold to keep his arms at bay.

Louis had thought the change in the noise he was making was because the change in angle was better. He thought his distressed pants was only a sign of Armand getting closer to the end. It was only when the begging started did he realize something was wrong.

“S-stop… please.” Coming from Armand as a sob.

Louis had halted his moves immediately. Noticing how Armand was shaking and curling in on himself. Hiding his face into the pillow and below his flowing locks. Low whines and sobs with shaky gasps leaving him as his chest heaved. The concern Louis felt paired in intensity with the distress he was in. One moment he was still on top, the next he was pulling away, wrapping Armand in the first throw blanket he could get his hands on. Covering him up and being torn between wanting to hold and comfort him and also not knowing if he should touch him without permission.

So he just waited. Focused on helping Armand with his breathing. Talking to his calm and sweet. Hoping to ground him back to where he was in reality again. Once Armand had come back to his senses enough to recognize Louis before him, he’d fallen forward with a proper whine and cried softly into Louis’ still bare chest. Louis taking that as his cue to finally hold his love and rock him gently.

Knowing the fit was over only when Armand finally quieted down and whispered soft apologies for his break down. Apologizes Louis refused to accept because he had nothing to apologize for. Armand had eventually accepted that with a silent nod but Louis knew he wasn’t fully convinced. While Louis felt like an asshole for having to do it he did asks Armand what that was about. A panic attack like that and in such a situation was not something a good partner could just ignore happening to their lover.

Armand had taken a while to work up the nerve to finally tell him. Crying a little even in fear at first. Saying how he was afraid of Louis leaving him if he knew. Louis had shut that down immediately. Made clear to him that nothing like this could make him want to leave Armand. He would not blame him for anything he faced in the past. While Armand still seemed doubtful and almost resigned at idea of this being the end of them he still spoke. Still told Louis what happen.

Confided in him the gut wrenching story of his childhood. How his dad had died when he was very young. How his mom had remarried when he was only nine years old. How the man she remarried took an interest in him when he was ten years old. How he hadn’t known what to do or what to say when it all first started.

How the man hadn’t even been cruel in his ten year old eyes. How he seemed so sweet and kind and like the father any kid could ever want. How he spoiled Armand most of the time. How he treated him better then even his own overworked mother did at the time. How to little Arun the new clothes, accessories, toys, candies and such were small gifts any parent would give a child and not some sick perverse way of a man ‘showering a lover with affection’. How he thought everyone’s dad called them sweetie, baby, honey, and other such names in private.

How every kid had a nickname so it wasn’t so strange he liked to call Arun Amedao when they were alone. How at first he was sure Daddy Marius was only looking out for his health in the beginning like he said he was. That all parents inspect their kids naked and have to touch in order to make sure they’re healthy the same way his mom would check his temperature with her hand when he was sick. How health check ups were private when a doctor did it so of course it made sense to keep it a secret when Daddy Marius did too.

How he felt like such a fucking idiot when he had health class for the first time in 8th grade. How at the far too old age of 13 he finally realized what was going on. How he knew he wasn’t being a ungrateful disagreeable child when he no longer wanted those inspections or wanted to do them himself so Marius wouldn’t have to. Yes, Marius by then. He only wanted Arun to call him that when they were alone. That or Honey. He would do the same. Only he would call him Amedao.

How he realized that saying no wasn’t the same as saying he didn’t love Marius like the man insisted. It wasn’t a betrayal or ‘leaving him’. It’s wasn’t Armand being cruel or stingey with his affection. It was a kid wanting out of an abusive relationship. It was a child robbed of childhood trying to reclaim it. It was poor boy named Arun trying desperately to escape the ‘romantic affair’ he’d found himself in.

So desperate and finally feeling armed with the truth he’d gone to his mother for help. Tried telling her what was happening. Tried the force the words out his mouth when he was finally alone with her the small time between when he got home from school on her day off and Marius was stuck in traffic from work. Only to be met with a hard slap in the face.

A glare filled with tears of her own before she collapsed to her knees crying. Alternating between accusing him of stealing the affection of her husband and begging him to just endure it. Endure it so he wouldn’t leave them, so he wouldn’t leave her. Treating him as some mistress she had no choice but to share her husband with so that he won’t go wandering out her arms completely. At least this one she knew about. At least this one she could see and control. At least Arun needed her, therefore Marius needed her.

So… Arun endured.

For five more dreadful years, Arun endured. Baring the weight of the entire family sin. Allowing the sly looks, the too firm hugs, the constant touching. The holding him down that started his sophomore year of high school. Insisting he'd get used to the feeling even as he cried. The incessant pet names. The father-son cabin trips. Endured when Marius started sharing his bed at night instead of sleeping with his mom. The mixed looks of anger, pity, guilt jealousy and disgust from his mother. He endure the hand holding. The date nights out of town. The promises of divorce when he turned 18. The promises of a ring on his own finger one day. The delusion that any of this was reciprocated. That he was a willing participant in any way.

He endured it all. Right up until that faithful day. Just a mere two weeks after his 18th birthday. When Marius cried the entire drive to Arun/Amedao's first day at the local college. Cried at how fast things have gone by. Laughed along with him as they reminisced about old memories that made his skin crawl. Played the role perfectly as a nervous lover first day at school. Hugging him, initiating kissing him even as he clutched his bag like a life line. The bag he’d pretended was filled with school work and other needs for the day. Instead was packaged with the bare minimum he needed to survive, the important identifying paperwork he’d caught his mom subtly placing inside along with some extra cash for him the night before, and the first semesters worth of ‘tuition’ he’d be taking as well. Promising to meet right there by days end to come back home. To have the final dinner as a family before Marius served his mother divorce papers and he and the man ‘set out on their real life’.

Arun had done so well. Had planned his death perfectly. As it was a death. He didn’t want to carry that life, that person, that name with so much baggage forever. He wanted that person dead. He wanted to be someone knew. So, with a little part of the money he brought he made the first step in changing his life forever that day. No longer would he be called Arun. No longer would he endure the name Amedao. He was Armand now.

He liked Armand.

.

.

.

Hearing it all had been Hell for Louis. A level of rage and hate in him that surpassed what he felt for even his own family. Interesting enough it was Armand who was wiping his tears by the end and not the other way around. Insisting he was over it and everything was better now. A lie, Louis thought. If it was over, if it was better, they wouldn’t be here now. Armand wouldn’t still have those marks on his wrist. Louis wouldn’t be mentally convincing himself not to hunt the bastards down and make them pay for what they did.

It took them both a moment to call down from the raw emotion the story caused them. Louis able to settle himself when he realized Armand was still holding his breath in way. Waiting for Louis to decide this was too much. To get up, get his things and go back to his apartment like all their friends said would happen one day. Louis made a point to settle in more. To hold Armand in his arms, the smaller blanket still separating them as Armand remained wrapped in it, and lay them both down. Making it oh so clear he was going no where. Armand had given a small sniffle with a relived smile and once again wet eyes as he clutched back at Louis just as tightly.

They’d talk more that night. A bit more logistically about sex in the future. Louis making it clear he wouldn’t treat Armand like past lovers did and make it weird to touch him or refuse to. Or even leave him because he had ‘too much baggage’. Instead, they’d agreed on a safe word system together. So Armand always had a way of telling him when things were too much and Louis had a way of always checking in. They also agreed to avoid positions where Armand couldn’t see Louis face if he wanted. Armand stressed the importance of needing to know who he was with by that simple action. Louis has suggested they put a mirror on the ceiling after he said that and they’d both laughed good naturedly. They also spent the next hour playing on Armand’s phone and looking at mirrors for sale until they felt ready for bed.

If Louis saw a new bandage on Armand’s wrist the next morning, he didn’t mention it past leaving a soft kiss over the cloth.

Chapter Text

Louis doesn’t know what he’d looking at. All he knows is he felt frozen in place as overheard what the offending man was saying. Cornering Armand to the wall next to their front door. Just barely making it to where Armand could slip out without having to touch him or push him away. 

Armand’s eyes were wide in terror and his hands were weakly balled up in stress as the man held firm to his wrist. 

"-ome home. I miss you. I love you! I want you back. I finally left her. I'm finally free to be with you. My sweet Amadeo. I did that for you just like you wanted, Love." He said, and it was like his world stopped at those words. 

“Armand?” He called weakly, getting both their attention. 

His distressed lover lighting up at the sight of him. Like Louis was the first drop of water he’d seen after week in the desert. The man looked only confused his way. His reaction loosening his grip enough for Armand to jerk his wrist free and push him aside. Armand stepping forward and grabbing Louis’ wrist with his own shaking hands. Urgently pulling him towards their home. The trash bag Louis now noticed at the side of the door making clear what he’d been doing in the first place out this late. 

“You're home late.” He said simply. Ducking his head down as he rushed them in and closed the door before the middle-aged man could collect himself enough to watch. 

Louis himself traded a stunned and confused glance with the man. Witnessing the very moment, just before the door slammed shut, that his face twisted up in disbelieving anger. 

"Amadeo!? Who is that!?" His voice could be heard muffled through the door. Louis paid it little mind as his sole attention was on Armand now. 

His lover letting out an anxious breath as he ripped off his beany. His sweater paw hands coming up to the side of his face as he paced a distance away from the door. Turning about face and staring at it as his body started to tremble. 

“That’s not my name.” Louis could hear him whimper out. 

“Amadeo!” He called again. Armand whimpered as he fell to his knees. Hands clenched tighter around his ears as he rocked slightly trying to drown out the sound and self-soothe. 

Amedeo... hearing the name the second time finally shocked Louis out his stupor. Finally made what was happening catch up to his mind and finally drawing him to act. His head whipped with blind rage towards the door. Now knowing who exactly was on the other side. A murderous anger coursing through his veins. 

Had it not been for another whine from Armand getting his attention, Louis doesn’t know what he would have done. Only knows that he was already walking towards the door before Armand drew his attention. Seeing the much more urgent need, Louis rushed over to him and on his own knees. 

“Amadeo! Open this door!” the yelling continued. 

Louis raised his own hands to Armand’s ears, making his crying eyes meet Louis’ comforting and strong-willed ones. 

“Don’t listen. Just focus on me. Focus on my voice.” Louis said to the still shaking Armand. Pulling him against his chest and still holding his own hands over Armand’s. Talking low and with reassuring words. Hoping to drown out the screaming. 

“I got you. I’m here. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” Over and over, he said.  

"Whoever he is, he can't treat you like I can! A boy can't take care of you like a man can! He doesn't know how to touch you like I do!" Marius screams could be heard. Louis just clenched his eyes shut and grinded his teeth in anger as he rocked Armand. Rubbing his arms and talking in his ear gently. Trying to distract all his senses. Wishing he could pick him up and take him to the back room, but he didn’t think it would be wise to try and move him right now. 

Further banging was heard from the other side of the door. 

“You’re just going to throw away over seven years of a happy relationship together for some random asshole?!” Marius screamed. His voice and tone imply he could not believe the audacity of Armand to have replaced him. To have broken up with him. 

As if they were actually a couple before today. 

Louis could hear Armand sobbing louder. He shushed him and held him tighter. It must have been loud enough for Marius to hear too because the banging stopped. 

“Amadeo... Arun, Love... I’m not even mad. If you come out now, I won’t even be upset. I understand. I messed up. I should have put you first sooner. Should have left your mother sooner. I’m sorry I made you have to watch us married. I promise to spend the rest of our lives together making up for it. Please come out. Let me hold you? Let take care of you like no one else can.” He said, his words so obviously imply he was better than Louis. 

Armand just held desperately to a still pissed off Louis glaring at the door. Armand burring his face in his chest and sobbing barely muffled there. His worst nightmare literally playing out in real life. Everything feeling like it was falling apart around him as the safe haven he built for himself was found and violated with the man’s presence. With his entitlement to Armand. There was another moment of silence as Marius presumably waited for Armand to answer him. Then a loud bang was heard from their door. Armand flinching hard at the sound. 

“Fuck!” Marius voice was heard screaming before his feet stomping off in the distance came next. 

Louis watched the door with apprehension still. Holding and rocking his love and kissing his hair gently. Rubbing his arms and back and letting him cling desperately to Louis. Distraught in a way Louis has never seen him before, has never seen anyone before. Armand placed a hand over his mouth as he felt sick. 

“He’s gone. It’s okay. He’s gone.” Louis tried to calm him. Fighting his own desire to follow after the bastard. Knowing Armand needed him right now. Need him by his side and not just play his night in vengeful black. 

He watched a little confused as Armand pulled away suddenly. Letting go easily as he worried Armand was having another fit. He didn't’ take well to anyone touching him when he did. Not even Louis. Instead, he rose on shaky legs and Louis kept his arms out to catch him if needed. Watching as Armand walked hurriedly over to the little blue box, hidden in plain sight on the book stand. 

“No, no, no! I’m not letting you do that anymore!” Louis said urgently following him up now as Armand used hurried but uncoordinated hands to try and open it. To get the small thin blades inside. The blades he hasn’t touched in months. 

“Armand stop!” Louis said jerking them from him and tossing the all the way to the top and back of the book case. Too high for either of them to reach without a stool. Armand looked up at where it went desperate and sad again. Going to almost climb up the book case, but Louis just wrapped a hand around his waist pulling him back and away and Armand tried to wiggle out his hold. Even clawing his manicured finger nails into Louis’ hand to try and get free. Clinging to the book shelves as Louis pulled him away and down. Both of them collapsing against the wall of the kitchen island. 

“Let me go! Please! Let me have it! Just once! I can’t! I can’t, Louis!” He said desperately trying to pull away out the firm grip on his arms and almost trying to crawl his way forward. Titling them both down in the process and making it to where Louis was literally gripping around his waist while Armand tried to pull himself forward and up. Louis never felt more thankful for those extra pounds he put on. 

Huffing and hyperventilating with every second he was denied access and the ability to get out of Louis’ hold. Desperate, he gave up on the box and just moved his sweater sleave down, going to stab his sharp thumb nail into the old scars there. 

“I-I can! I can for you! Stop!” Louis said urgently. Moving up and quickly separating Armand’s hands. Flipping him over and laying on top of him as Armand tried to force out the grip he had on his wrist and use his nails again. The tip already a little red from the prick he managed. 

He was panting with the exertion of it and body collapsing after a while when Louis didn’t let up on his hold. Weeping softly with shaky breath. Eyes pinched such as he felt helpless to the power of his emotions and Louis hold on his body. Feeling pinned and trapped between him and the floor. Louis looked down at him feeling powerless while witness the most vulnerable he’s ever seen Armand. 

“Please.” Armand said again looking at him desperately with pleading eyes. 

“I’m sorry. I can’t.” Louis said, feeling like crying himself as he denied Armand what it seemed like he so desperately needed. 

“Fuck me.” Armand said suddenly, his eyes looking a little crazed at the void of emotion in them despite the desperation. 

“What?” Louis asked softly. 

“Make it hurt. Don’t bother with lube. Do it rough. I want to feel it. Please.” Armand said. 

“Armand?” Louis called his name worriedly. Armand just lifted enough to lock their lips. A bruising kisses the knocked their teeth together. Armand moaned at the pain as Louis winced. So shocked by the words Louis’ hand loosened in their hold. 

Armand jerked them free and Louis thought he was going to go for his wrist again and that was just a distraction, but no. Armand was serious. He reached hurriedly for Louis’ belt and was jerking it off and open with a practice speed he rarely employed. Hand trying to dip down into Louis’ boxer and get him ready. Louis’ own hands finally getting the sense to reach down to stop him. 

“Armand!” He barked harshly as their hands practically wrestled. Louis pulling out Armand’s only for the man to try once again. 

Armand eventually stopped as Louis threw his hands back up in their previous position.  

“Please, Louis! I need this! Let me feel you. It’s okay if I bleed. Just put it in.” Armand said, tears welling up in his eyes again as he broke down in front of Louis. Louis was so lost for what to do. He just couldn’t handle seeing Armand like this anymore. To seem him in such hysterics. 

“Okay... Okay... Stop crying.” Louis said, words soft and heart aching as the agreement finally made Armand start to calm. Hope reflecting in his eyes and body going lose and no longer pent up with stress. Looking up at Louis like he was some great saver or something. 

“But I won’t hurt you.” Louis said next and Armand blinked rapidly upset at that.  

“You don’t want me?” He asked sounding betrayed. Louis was ever increasingly worrying more about his mental state right now. 

“I do. I always do. I love you. But I won’t hurt you. People who love you, don’t hurt you.” Louis said softly to him. No longer holding his wrist down but rather linking their fingers together loosely. Leaving it completely up to Armand to keep them together. To slip away if he wanted. 

Armand was watching him with an unreadable expression but one completely enraptured with Louis. With his words, and touch, and affection. 

“I'll do it... but only if I get to make love to you. I won’t fuck you. I’ll only treat you well.” Louis said softly and watched as Armand’s chest stopped moving so harshly up and down. Watched as he relaxed fully with the promise of something Louis never offered. 

Louis took the risk of pulling away. Going to try and get them off the floor. Armand tensed with a small gasp and gripped tightly to him. Pulling him back down and into his arms. Burying his face against Louis’ chest again and refusing to let go. 

“Okay, okay. I’m not going anywhere.” He said holding him back. Glad for the lack of shaking and baring the pain of his sharp nail stabbing him through his shirt. 

“We’ll got together.” He said, going to pick Armand up in princess carry. Easily lifting him and trying not to worry about the almost catatonic state Armand was in now. Doing nothing but holding onto Louis and staring up at his face with the deepest most emotional gleam in his eyes. An emotion that Louis couldn’t place but was only half as bad as his earlier crying and break down and twice as unsettling. 

He laid Armand down gently on their bed. Not playfully tossing him like on another night. Just to hear his squeal as Louis laughed and climbed over him. No... tonight was not one of those nights. If he let him just drop Louis feared Armand taking that as a rejection. He feared a lot of actions being taken that way. 

So he was careful. He climbed over him with a slowness. Moved aside the bedsheet to keep them clean and ensure Armand had a pillow under his head. Ran a gentle hand through his wild hair that made Armand gasps ever so slightly. Let Armand cling to him back as they shared a slow soft kiss. Louis dared not even use tongue. He placed obvious slow moving hands on Armand’s sweater. 

“Can I take this off?” he asked softly. Armand looked up at him surprised at the question. Like he didn’t know he had the right to say yes or no about that. Like it was something for Louis’ discretion and not for him to check in one.  

He nodded almost shyly. Louis gave him an encouraging smile as he lifted it slowly. Letting his hands work carefully over the thin line of his abs and pecks. Always hiding so much definition under his baggy clothes. Armand shifted a bit uncomfortably as Louis looked over his body after the shirt was off. They never paused when they fucked. Never took time to just look at one another. Never slowed like they did now. Louis allowed himself a moment to appreciate the view. 

“Beautiful.” He said softly. Armand looked as if he didn’t believe it but gave a flattered smile all the same. Seeing him slip slowly out his catatonic state bought a relieved smile to Louis’ face. He kept going as he took it to mean this was working. 

Armand played absently with the ends of his shirt. Squirming more out of a desire to remove it then anxiety. 

“Do you want to take it off?” Louis asked and Armand nodded. More sure this time, less shy. 

“Go ahead, it’s okay.” Louis said, gentle as ever. Armand did so happily. A small pleased smile on his face as he unbutton the shirt and Louis just leaned over him patiently letting Armand work at his own pace. Even leaving Armand to slide it off his shoulders. Letting the man below him appreciate his body as well. Staring and rubbing softly the same way Louis had done to him. 

Armand’s mood only dipping a bit when he gave a guilt-ridden smile at seeing Louis still unbutton pants. The pants he’d tried to take off without permission. Tried to touch him without permission. His face pinched and he looked close to tears again. Feeling like scum for his actions. 

“Hey, hey, none of that.” Louis said wiping away one that escaped. 

“You didn’t get far and I forgive you for it. You have my permission now.” Louis said. Not sugar coating the action as that wouldn’t exactly help right now but also not wanting Armand to feel bad about what he did during a mental break. One that he was still easing out of. Armand looked unconvinced but nodded again. Still not talking Louis noticed. 

Armand’s hands rubbed nervously together as he stared down at Louis pants. Pulling suggestively on a belt loop. 

“It’s okay, you can take them off.” Louis said again, kissing him head. Armand gave a soft sigh before reaching out to his sides. Easing Louis’ pants off but pointedly not his boxer. Even pausing to lift those back up. Like he didn’t want to dare take them off by accident before having permission. Louis let him do what he needed to. 

“Can I take yours off, too?” Louis asked once his were half off. Armand bit his lip and nodded. Risking lifting up a little again to kiss. A shy tongue licking the bottom of Louis’ lip asking to be let in. Louis moth opening easily. 

His hand coming up to turn Armand’s head more against his while he worked on further undressing him. Armand wrapping his arms around him now that they were just down to their boxers. Matching tents rubbing against each other as they adjusted. Neither daring to rut against one another like they might on another night. They were in no rush. They had no need to go faster. They chose to indulge. 

“These next?” Louis asked slipping a finger into Armand’s waist band. Armand barely let their lips part long enough to nod. Lifting his hips to make it easier for Louis to slide them off. Louis also tugging down his own as nonverbal permission for Armand to help. Both perfectly naked now. 

Louis pulled back and looked down at the gorgeous creature below him. Soft dark unblemished skin almost gleaming in the moon light leaking into their bed room. Face soft with a different type of desperation. Deep but calm slow breaths escaping him. The epitome of relaxed. Louis moved down to kiss gently along his shoulder and neck. Rubbing along his chest and back. Not even pinching his nipples but rather grazing his thumbs over them again and again and playing about with what he had permission to. Armand squirming with increasing desire as he did. 

“This is embarrassing.” He moaned out, all bashfully and Louis smiled against his skin at the first words he finally spoke. 

“Can I touch you now?” Louis asked hand hovering over Armand’s most private of areas. 

“Yes... can I touch you?” He asked in turn and Louis kissed him. 

“Of course, you can touch me anywhere you want tonight.” He said kindly and meaning every word of it. 

“You too... I mean, I... I trust you.” Armand sighed out and Louis felt his heart flutter. His eyes batting away happy tears at that level of affection and trust. He leaned down and kissed Armand softly again. Taking his leg and pushing it back slightly. Enjoy the kiss as he felt around for the lube he knows they left in the bed from earlier this morning. 

“I’m going to start now.” He said against Armands lips. 

“Okay.” Armand said, giving a small shudder of breath at Louis first breeching finger. So very different from the two he usually started with. Almost unnoticeable. It made from the intense eye contact Louis was giving worse. 

“More?” Louis asked and Armand nodded. He added another, and this time made a point to find his prostate. 

“Ah.” Was Armand’s soft almost inaudible noise when he found it. One that turned into small gasps against the side of Louis’ face as the man rubbed slow but firm over that bundle of nerves again and again. Armand bit into his lip as the third finger went in. Louis raised a hand up and gently tug it free from his teeth. 

“Don’t worry about that. Just make noise.” Louis said, he’d rather they wake their neighbors tonight then see Armand inflict even the smallest bit of pain on himself. Armand nodded understanding and panted and moaned softly instead. Still occasionally tightening his lips but not biting anymore. 

“I’m ready Louis.” Armand said after while. Louis looked doubtful. Afraid to trust those words after what Armand wanted him to do earlier. 

“You sure?” He asked him to confirm and Armand smiled softly. 

“Yes, I’m sure... slowly please.” He said meaningfully and Louis smiled at that. Kissing him once again as he went to line himself up. Knowing Armand liked to muffle his initial noise with their lips. 

Just as he expected a deep moan pressed it’s way through those plush lips and Armand’s arms moved to wrap around his shoulders. Holding him almost gently instead of clinging tight as Louis started to rock. 

Slow, so very slow with no intention of picking up any time soon. It was almost more torturous then if he was to just plunge in unapologetically like they’ve done before. At least Armand knew how to handle that. This pace? It left him squirming and still tight. His body relaxing at it’s own pace rather than being forced to loosen from the power of the thrust. It increased the accuracy of Louis’ aim. Made him shudder with the slow drag. 

Has his legs quivering not from the force of the thrust but rather the pleasure itself that made it impossible to hold still. It was too much and not enough. Armand gave a frustrated huff and look Louis’ way as his own rocking hips were once again met with firm hands slowing him and even slower shallow rocks. At some points feeling more like Louis was just cock-warming and not even thrusting anymore. 

“More.” Armand pleaded after while but Louis shook his head with a knowing glint in his eyes. 

“Nope, I said I wouldn’t hurt you tonight.” 

“You said you’d be gentle. You didn't say you wouldn’t move at all.” Armand said frustrated but worked up as he endure what amounted to heavy petting. Louis chuckled but gave a conceding look. 

“Okay, I guess I can do a bit more.” He said and Armand gave a relieved proper moan as Louis start actually moving. Not hard by any means, but at least actually pulling back and forward. After the slow torture he’d been enduring, Louis may as well have been pounding away with how sensitive Armand felt. 

He hugged desperately around Louis panted and moaned in time with each thrust. Groaning in shock when Louis had to readjust for a bigger placement of his knee. The motion forcing him to hit harder than he had previously. Only to leave Armand whining as he returned to those steady slow thrust. 

“Just a little harder.” Armand panted out his beg between each rock. Holding Louis’ face in his hands as he locked eyes with him.  

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Louis said seriously but was panting with a shared frustration as Armand. Unable to cum like this. With these shallow moves. 

“You won’t. I swear, you won’t. I trust you.” Armand said again and again. Louis gave a shaky breath like he was about to risk jumping out of an air plane. Then he grabbed Armand’s leg, still careful with his hold, and positioned it at his shoulder. Grabbing a pillow to place under his hips for a deeper angle. Then he started at a moderate pace. 

The bed rocking slightly with them now but not making contact with the wall. Armand’s eyes rolled into the back of his head as he gripped Louis’ biceps. His moans more pitched now and a chest falling up and down steadily with his pants. He gave the occasional whine or whimper as Louis got him closer and closer to the edge. Having never felt the buildup so slow before it was jarring to experience feeling like he was getting closer and closer to cumming at such a sedated pace. 

Louis reached down and stated jerking him off between them. Knowing that Armand could cum from his thrust alone tonight. That seemed to do it. As Armand tensed up finally and moaned loudly with the added sensation. His leg flexing as he came across his own stomach. The sight of his hazy lust filled eye, messy sweat covered body, and feel of his tightening around Louis did just enough to get him off as well. Louis bowing forward and giving at least three bruising thrust that made Armand cry out in shock and cling to him before Louis managed to get his hips under control. 

They stared lovingly at each other as they came down from their high. Hugging and kissing passionately again as they enjoyed the overstimulation of still being together. Not pulling out and just holding one another while still connected and messy. Armand’s eyes closing satisfied as he held Louis. 

“...I prefer the usual way we do it.” 

Louis’ light tired laugh was like music to his ears. 

Chapter Text

Marius has been enchanted with Arun since the moment they first met when he was nine. 

Three weeks into dating his some-day-wife, they met on accident. The widow had not intended for Marius to meet her son so early but between waiting for the babysitter and Marius arriving a little early it couldn’t be helped. Having seen the adorable yet elegant creature, akin to the gorgeous fae only spoken of in stories, Marius decided that very night he’d be marrying this woman. If only to claim this beautiful child as part of his family. True to his word they were married in only the next couple of months. 

In the beginning it had been nothing more than something to admire. Like being under the same roof as a living, breathing, walking work of art. Marius had been content to just keep his distance and watch. To enjoy the small bit of attention he got on occasion. Like the shy good morning or good night from him every day. Or the way he leaned into Marius space when they were in crowded places and he knew no one else. Or most enjoyably the rare invite to a game Arun just couldn’t do on his own and his mother was less then interested in joining. He’d work up his small but brave little nerve to asks Marius instead. Marius would treat such request with the reverence that any divine behest demanded. 

As time went on Marius felt these previously content feelings to watch grow. To start to spiral out of his control into dangerous territory. Until he was unable to deny to himself that what he felt wasn’t just an admiration for a lovely being in this world but rather... love, real love. Not one that someone would typically think could happen between a step-father and step-son. He started imagining things. 

Like... Arun wasn’t his step child. That he was instead a gift. Given to him by the very heavens above. That his name wasn’t even Arun. That he was Amadeo. A name chosen by the Gods themselves and not just some random woman he had no choice but to marry to get close to him and keep him in his life. That Amadeo was given to him with the expectation he’d take care of him. That he’d show him all the love and affection he deserved as he grew older and that eventually, as a reward, he could be his in every way. That Marius might one day call him his husband and not his mother his wife. 

By the time Arun was eleven, Marius had given up on trying to push these feelings away. He decided, he needed to at least try and see if his feelings were returned. He started simply of course. Courting the little beauty as you would any potential lover. With gifts and treats and kind affectionate words. Offering times out together and to simply be by his side and show him the attention his ridiculous mother did not bother to give. Showed him that he was loved. 

And Arun returned that attention! It was small at first. Just accepting his gift as any polite child. So very shy to asks for the things that he wanted. Leaving Marius to figure out what he needed so he didn’t have to. But eventually Arun got comfortable with voicing his desires. With giving Marius opportunity to prove his devotion. Marius made sure he never had to deny the little angel anything. He was determined not to fail that test. 

The previously, often, alone child also started seeking him out more. Marius did not have to request joining his play times or offer to go out together. Arun came to him. Arun requested he join. He wanted to spend time with Marius. He liked his attention. His small ace lite up and his smile was no longer shy but a beautiful beam of happiness at the sight of him. Marius’ own heart was a flutter each time he saw it. 

He even placed his hand over his chest in hopes of calming the effect often. As well as to control himself. For he didn’t feel he had to the right to reach out and touch yet. Not in the way he desired anyways. All he could do was be still and merely appreciate it when Arun saw fit to touch him first. To take his hand when they crossed the street, to hug him when he came to get him from school, to guide him into proper placement during play times, or any other manner of situation that Arun saw fit to place those delicate hands on him. He was loathed to ever part with those touches. 

Marius felt the demand of his emotions grow to be too much once again. With that he determined it to be divine revelation. An indication that it was okay to move things forward again. So that is what he did. He allowed himself to call Arun by names more fitting for a being like him. Sweetheart, angel, my darling, and of course... Amadeo. A name more biting him then Arun was. While Marius would always hold affection for the name ‘Arun’, he was ready to call his darling angel by the name that he knew was better for him. 

He was also ready to be called more than just the ridiculous titles that came with marrying the boys mother. Terrible reminders of the awful barriers put between them. Keeping them from being as close as they could be. Slowing the progress that was their courtship. The burning frustration that came with always having to keep things secret, that required he show attention to a woman he cared nothing for... it felt like he could catch fire from the inside from the mere feeling. He felt incompetent as a lover, knowing that surely Amadeo must feel the same. Having to watch someone else receive what was meant for him. 

Marius did not think they should suffer that for long. So, while he knew the little angel was still new to all Marius had to offer him... he also knew it would only be better for them both to move things along. So Marius finally indulged. He kept things simple for Amadeo. Being the sheltered child he was, of course he’d not know what things to keep between them and what was allowed to be shared. He kept things simple. Told little white lies for now until Amadeo was old enough to realize why they were necessary. A small evil that Marius felt bad for but intended to make up for if needed. 

It was well worth it too. Finally, being able to put hands on his angel the way he’s craved since the moment they locked eyes and he heard that sweet shy voice introduce himself. He made sure that his darling enjoyed it as well. Even if he didn’t know what exactly was happening in It's entirety yet, and therefore was confusing for him, Marius made sure it was a pleasurable experience all the same.  

Things were wonderful from then on! Everything moved so smoothly after that. Having finally broken down that last physical barrier between them, they had all they could ever want in private. His ‘wife’ seemed to have silently divined her place in their home. No longer questioning Marius and his attentions to Arun nor demanding an unreasonable amount of his affection. 

Yes, there was the occasional pulling away from him by Amadeo, but that wasn’t his or Amadeo’s fault. Living in this cesspool of a world meant being surrounded by things every day that would confuse his Amadeo into thinking they weren’t meant for each other. Interfere with both their natural instinct and try to convince them they weren’t meant for each other. That was just something that needed to be delt with quickly. Snuffed out before it could be allowed to fester and grow. People, demons, who tried to plant these thoughts in the young angel’s head removed. 

It didn’t take much. All Marius needed to do was asks very simply why Amadeo would want to leave him. To explain how much it hurt him when he pulled away. That was enough to bring Amadeo to sense. To get rid of those terrible influences and thoughts. Rid him of devils’ temptations. Marius built them a home where they could have what they both wanted and needed in peace. 

A woman at his side who now knew her proper place without being told. To be the mother that Amadeo needed and the temporary cover that they both needed until their union was acceptable in this world’s eyes. A gorgeous lover seemingly hand crafted for Marius down his last strand of hair. And of course for Arun a lover who could properly guide, protect, provide, and please someone as special as him. Yes, Marius ensured he could do it all. Didn’t they have such joy in their home? 

Sure, they contended with his wife’s jealousy and Marius did what he could to ensure Amadeo felt no shame or grief for taking what was rightfully his... and they had to be careful in how they showed affection and slowly ease their way into doing it in public but otherwise the future looked bright. Marius was literally counting down the days Amadeo turned eighteen. That ridiculous number being the benchmark they had to reach before they could openly and proudly live their real lives. 

Marius could finally give over his divorce papers to his wife. While they waited for that to go through he could help Amadeo change his name officially so he could abandon the much adored but no longer needed name Arun. Best of all, when all was said in done, they could no one another as not just husband and husband in spirit but in legal name. No one could contest their union. No one could take his love from him. 

When Marius drove Amadeo to his first day of college, he wept with joy at the first step his lover took to be seen as an adult in this world. He wept at knowing that both of them were working hard to achieve a good future. He cried at the possibilities available to them now. It was like a weight lifted from his chest. He indulged in that joy with his angel while they could for he knew the long road ahead of him. Hell, he expected the first hardest thing to do was comforting his lover later that night after he inevitably blamed himself for his mother’s divorce. He already had a speech prepared for that moment. 

He would start with the presentation of the papers and ensure that Amadeo’s mother signed them. No longer a wife to him but rather a mother-in-law at most. When she, expectantly, gave those silent signals of her distain for the grand creature she birthed Marius would run interference. He’d comfort him with the truth that she was nothing to them both. Not anything really. Just the bridge needed to ensure that they met. The shield to keep them together until it was time to go public with their relationship.  

Once he was calm, Marius would seal the deal. He’d get down on one knee and finally pull out the little box that has been burning a hole in his pocket since the boy was thirteen. The thing having to have been resized many times as Amadeo grew older. Marius having snuck into his room many nights to remeasure his finger. The last time being a month before he actually intended to do this. 

Anyways, after pulling out the ring, he’d then present that ring to him and they would both surely cry tears of joy when Amadeo took it. He’d be at a loss for words. Marius knew this because with each step in their relationship Amadeo was so taken with emotion that he froze each time. It would be an adorable sight again as it always has been. He looked forward to giving his speech for this reason alone. 

A speech that he would not be giving that night. 

How Marius had failed then. He shouldn’t have ignored his instincts back then. He knew college was a bad idea. He knew the kinds of things that went on in places like that. He went himself once after all. He buried those feelings though. He saw how excited his love was for the idea. How he planned and researched and even did what he could to make sure he could commute and still live with them during his studies. He knew that Amadeo was desperate to show, not just in his age, that he was an adult. For him, for his happiness, Marius had ignored his instincts. He trusted in Amadeo’s smarts and loyalty. He failed them both. 

He had been so terrified when Amadeo didn’t get home hours after he was meant to. Paced the floor as he called a disconnected line again and again. Called the school when that didn’t work and even contemplated calling the police. Only avoiding it as he didn’t want to embarrass his younger lover if it turned out he just got lost or his phone lost power. After a while choosing to go to the school himself. No longer okay with trusting that Amadeo was able to get a ride like he claimed he would. 

Getting there only to learn they had absolutely no record of his love even applying. That truth put a sinking pit into his stomach. Marius doesn't remember much after that. Just his mind going blank, he figured denial in retrospect, and getting in his car and just heading home. Home to the beastly thing that was responsible for his Amadeo leaving. He’d know it when almost as soon as he walked in she was waiting for him. 

“He’s not coming back.” she said sternly, face blank and arms crossed. Marius narrowed his eyes at her. 

“What did you do?” He demanded low and menacing. She scuffed with a roll of her eyes. 

Marius just moved fast, pushing her and into their home. Going to run for Amadeo’s things. He rummaged through it all. Things were still there but there was a noticeable dent in this stuff. Marius had spent enough nights sleeping in this room to know that when he saw it. Most alarmingly was the lack of anything in his bathroom. Even worse was when he torn through the master bedroom and their safe. Unable to find a single one of Amadeo’s important documents. Not even his birth certificate. As he rummaged through, almost in tears, the she-devil walked into the room. A judgmental look in her eyes. 

“You kicked him out.” Marius accused her. Standing now and letting the tears flow freely down his face. 

“You just couldn’t accept that we were going to be free of you. You couldn’t let us be happy! Jealous bitch! You’ve always tormented him!” Marius screamed at her. Uncaring of who might hear. After years of putting up with the way she’s treated and made his love feel. Just so they wouldn’t be parted, he was done. 

Instead of fear at the raging man screaming at her she only showed pure rage. 

“Me!? I tormented him!? You sick fucking bastard! Your twisted and disgusting ways are the reason he’s gone! You’re the reason I’ve lost everything! My son was the last piece I had of the only man that loved me! You took him from me! You abused my baby!” She shouted back. Neither was hearing the other though. They were just shouting voices raising over one another. Devolving into name calling. 

“Evil witch!” 

“Abusive bastard!” 

“Jealous harlet!” 

“Manipulative asshole!” 

“Vicious snake!” 

“PEDOPHILE!” 

That word cut through the air. Silence fell between them. Hot tears of anger and who knows what else running down their cheeks. 

“...I never loved you.” Marius finally said after a moment. 

“I know.” She said bitter and glaring. 

“Had you just... accepted that you wouldn’t be this envious. You know nothing I did was abuse.” He said pointedly. She snorted with little humor. A vicious amused smirk on her face. Mocking him with her open distain. Marius ignored the noise. 

“Everything between me and Arun was real and it willing. You know that. If you thought otherwise... you’d have stopped me.” He challenged with a raised brow. Her face fell in shame. Hands clenching and jaw moving as her teeth grinned. A visible disgust in herself being seen. 

It was in that moment Marius also noticed something in her fist. She thrust her hand out and flung papers his way. They landed on the bed and Marius saw the divorce papers he’d tucked away, signed in full. He blinked in surprise. Watching as she stomped over to him with a pen she grabbed from the bed stand. 

“Sign it.” She demanded, leaving no room to argue. Marius took the pen with ease and made quick work to bend over and sign ever single page he needed to. Going so far as the recap the pen and toss it on the bed before turning her way. A hate for this woman in his eyes that’s never been as strong as it was tonight. 

“I’ll leave you the house, on one condition. You call me if Amadeo get’s in touch with you.” He said. She glared her red eyes at the man. 

“His name is Arun.” She bit back but didn’t regret the proposal. 

Marius didn't dignify her with a response as he simply went about packing a few things before heading out of their previous shared home.