Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Kabru was five years old

And his mother introduced him to strangers, a sweet smile on her lips, as her "daughter"

He felt a sort of sickness - stabbing and twisting in his heart, his gut, his core.

An inherent sense of wrongness that made him feel dizzy if it happened too often.

So one morning, before the tavern got too busy, Kabru tugged on his mother's pant leg for her attention.

"Mama, I'm a boy, not a girl. Please don't call me 'daughter'."

Though he whined when he said it, because he was still a child who didn't know how to mask his hurt feelings, he had a serious, self-assured look on his face. One he had no doubt picked up from her. Perhaps she was taken by surprise at first, but she couldn't find it anywhere in her heart to deny him.

And so, she lifted him up, resting him on her hip, and gently carded her fingers through his curls.

"Of course, my son. Thank you so much for telling me."

A couple days later, as she tucked him into bed, his mother lovingly renamed him "Kabru". Much less feminine than the name he had before, and also, the name of a mountain. As unwavering and undeniable as he had been the day he told her. Rather than sleeping that night, he kept rolling the name around on his tongue to let the sense of ownership set in. He couldn't stop fidgeting in bed as pure joy overtook him.

He was her son! She had given him a new name to prove it!!

And, as he got a little older, Kabru felt a distinct sense of petty satisfaction that he would be able to live with a name that his heartless father would never get to know. Serves him right. If the knowledge of Kabru's own family name was to be ripped from him, then he'd rip the knowledge of his real name away in revenge.

The satisfaction wouldn't get to last very long, there'd end up being too much else on his mind to even consider having feelings like that, again. Or any feelings at all, for that matter. But maybe in a decade or so, from then, he'd be able to look back on these memories and smile. Just a little.

Chapter Text

Perhaps, in some ways, it was good that Milsiril had been the one to take Kabru in.

He had learned, in his tireless research into different human races and their cultures, that it was only really elves and dwarfs that treated people whose bodies didn't match their gender as a normal and natural phenomenon. It was the only time he'd mentally secede that the elvish influence on the Western Continent could be a positive one, as there seemed to be many tall-man cities and settlements, including Utaya, that were painted by elvish sentiments regarding gender. As far as he could tell, tall-man societies further East didn't have any records that acknowledged people like him, at least not openly.

The terminology was another reason why Kabru tolerated elvish influence. It would take him an embarrassingly long time to understand the (admittedly obvious) connection to metal working, so he had first likened the dwarfish term "forged" person to something like a forged signature. As if he was just a false imitation of a man! Bah! Kabru greatly preferred the elvish term "transitioned" person. It was simply an apt descriptor of what had happened. One day, the world (his mother) had believed he was a girl, the next day, it was understood he was a boy. In the eyes of the world, he had transitioned from female to male. It made sense.

The problem was, as it always was when interacting with long-lived races, the issues regarding his autonomy. Puberty was rather hellish for Kabru. Not only did his adoptive mother not believe he was old enough to even be experiencing puberty, but getting the effects of puberty reversed as a tall-man was... challenging, to say the least.

Elves transitioned using magic and rune tattoos that drew upon the body's mana in order to function. Based on his limited understanding of magic, Kabru was certain that the amount of strain such a passive spell would cause could easily be bared by the average tall-man. Perhaps ingesting mana-rich foods could be helpful (albeit gross), but it didn't even appear to be necessary by his understanding. Elvish society, it seemed, disagreed. Not only would Kabru be considerent ineligible for transition magic by merit of his race, he'd also be middle aged before he reached the age minimum for retroactive (rather than preventative) measures to be taken against the effects of puberty on his body. Kabru couldn't stand the thought.

He was not exactly proud of the things he had to say (and, in some cases, threaten) to Milsiril to effectively convey the distress his body was causing him. It also marred his dignity to recognize the pity in her face - she must have felt sorry for the fact that, out of all the things that had already happened in his life, his own body was betraying him. That doesn't mean Kabru in any way regretted the resulting compromise: if he could not be allowed to transition magically, at sixteen he could at least have his breasts surgically removed to flatten his chest. It wouldn't solve everything, and it had taken a lot to convince Milsiril that tall-men finish developing breasts by sixteen, but it would at least get rid of the most unignorable aspect of his body that was starting to drive him mad.

With his sixteenth birthday only around a month away, Kabru once again found himself restless at night, excited to reclaim the masculinity he felt he was losing. The heavy comforters were more difficult to fidget and kick his legs under than the lightweight sheets and blankets of his childhood bed, but that could never stop him.

The mandatory bedrest he was to deal with following his surgery was the only time he had happily allowed Milsiril to coddle and tend to him.

Chapter Text

When Kabru left for the Island of Melini, Milsiril had warned him that he'd meet the worst kinds of people in his new life as an adventurer. Between that and his knowledge of Eastern tall-man culture, it was silently understood between himself and Rin that his status as a transitioned man was meant to be kept a tight-lipped secret.

As far as Kabru was concerned, they'd both done a remarkable job of keeping it. It had even survived his newly established reputation as a lady-killer, flirt, and subsequent heartbreaker (it was amazing what one could do in bed without so much as removing a single piece of clothing). Rin barely tolerated him for that, and he vaguely understood why, but it was so hard to resist all the attention he recieved and the way it filled his heart with pride.

So why, once the dungeon was gone and he had established a new, better life for himself in the (now) country of Melini, had he gotten so stupidly careless about his secret?

There were a few excuses he could attempt to pacify his raging mind with - it was necessary to have sparring sessions with the King, Laios couldn't hold his own against other humans and that lack of knowledge and practice could be dangerous, and as the year approached late August, it was becoming much too hot to move around comfortably on the training grounds with a shirt on. He hadn't thought much of it, most of his training sessions with his foster mother were done without his shirt on, and naturally she had thought nothing of it, herself. It wasn't until Laios's face lit up upon seeing the twin scars that outlined his pecs and Kabru was barraged with a series of excited questions and statements that he knew he was screwed.

"K-Kabru!! Where did you get scars like that? They're so big and precise and-- Wow! Whatever did this to you must have killed you, right? I can't imagine getting attacked in the chest like this and surviving. And these lines right here-- Shit, it must've peeled your chest open like an orange!! I've never seen or heard of a monster that behaves like this! Oh, Kabru, you have to tell me about it!! You probably don't know what it was called, right? At least describe it to me-- did it have horns? Did it do this with claws? Oh, please, Kabru, please tell me!!"

In addition to now feeling exceptionally queasy by the visceral mental image of some godforsaken monster tearing his chest open, Kabru was stuck. He didn't have any sort of excuse or white lie at his disposal - he certainly hadn't the knowledge of monsters to make something up that an expert like Laios would believe in. What was more, he couldn't easily bring himself to lie in this case. He knew honesty was important with his friend, that it hurt him to learn when people were dishonest to him, even if it was to save his own feelings. But this - his secret - was... a big deal. He had no idea how Laios would react, he didn't know if he was the type of person to be disgusted by that kind of thing (as he had learned some tall-men could be), and, most damningly, he was sure Laios would look at him differently if he knew. Kabru didn't know if he could handle that, emotionally. It might cause their very new friendship to start eroding and Kabru realized he couldn't handle that thought, either. This was bad, this was horrifyingly bad. This was

Evidently, Kabru had taken too long to answer, because he was pulled from his thoughts by a big, warm hand resting on his shoulder and a much calmer voice in his ears, "Kabru... Hey, Kabru, are you okay? I'm sorry I scared you, I know you don't like talking about monsters. You don't have to tell me if it's that painful to think about. I'm sorry."

Please don't touch me. But please, don't ever stop touching me. Please don't leave. Kabru took a deep breath to steady himself, "Laios... It's okay, you haven't done anything wrong." Honesty it was, then. He would have to deal with his own emotional problems, privately. He couldn't force Laios to bare his burdens, "... I'm just not sure what to say, because I didn't get these scars from a monster." Maybe Laios would let him leave it at that.

Unfortunately, he didn't, "Oh? Then how... how did you get them?"

ꕥꕥꕥ

The explanation had, despite his best effort, left Kabru in tears. To his credit, he wasn't outright sobbing, but he couldn't stop the overflow welling in his eyes from silently cascading down his face as he spoke. It was all just too much.

Laios was just quiet the entire time. Asshole. Say something. Get it over with. Kabru uselessly gripped his knees through his pants to try to stop thinking like that. Be patient. He knew it took Laios a long time to figure out how to speak effectively. The fact that he was taking so long was proof that he cared about what came out of his mouth.

"So you... have the body of a woman..." Kabru nodded wordlessly, just thankful Laios didn't mention his tears. "That's amazing! I can't tell at all, even with your shirt off! Maybe it's because you're actually a man, I dunno, but that's really cool!"

"Hah?" He... what??

"I mean, you said you only had your chest changed, right? But your whole body looks like a man's, at least as far as I can tell. Wow..." Laios leaned forward to look at him from a different angle, "Maybe it was all the training you'd done? Or something like that. That's so cool..."

Gods, Kabru wished it was easier to talk properly around Laios, "C.. Cool..? Wait-- You still see me as a man??" He was about to start pulling his hair out, nothing made sense.

"Yeah...? Am I... not supposed to?"

Kabru wildly shook his head, "You're supposed to!! I just... thought the illusion would be shattered if you knew. I was... Well, I..." He heaved a shaky sigh, "I was really, really scared you'd never see me as a man again. It, uh, made me feel kind of sick to my stomach."

"Oh. I'm sorry." Laios fidgeted with his hands, "I don't want you to feel that way. But I'm telling the truth, you look like a man to me. You are a man, so you look like a man." He wrung his hands together, "Kabru, is it okay if I hug you? You look pretty miserable right now but I don't want to touch you if you're not--"

Laios was interrupted by Kabru pressing himself against him and Laios quickly adapted into the embrace. Perhaps hugging shirtless should have bothered Kabru a lot more, but he was too emotionally drained to care. He sighed as he dried his cheeks on Laios's shoulders.

"I'll have to adjust your schedule to account for the delay in our training session," he sighed again, his body needing the air, "But, thank you, Laios. I can't tell you how much this means to me."

Chapter Text

Kabru was, first and foremost, a dear friend of Laios's.

Which made it rather difficult to make the choice to start courting him, Laios thought as his face flushed, but also, even more difficult to seek out advice on how to start courting him.

He'd have to go to Marcille, for sure. Chilchuck wasn't visiting soon enough to help, and if he couldn't have help from the man who had saved his own marriage, why not go to the person who had helped the man who had saved his own marriage? And there was also Yaad to worry about, he'd probably have to get his approval before he formally started courting anyone.

But those two, as far as Laios could tell, didn't know that Kabru could bare his children. Which was important, because Kabru seemed really scared when he told him the truth about his anatomy, and Laios didn't want to go around telling people things that weren't his to tell. But also, it was one of the stipulations that would allow Laios to marry Kabru in the first place.

ꕥꕥꕥ

"If you're going to keep pushing me to get married, I guess it'd be helpful if you knew I don't have a preference between men and women. But I also don't want to have kids with someone I'm arranged to be married to, I'm serious about that. I don't want to bring a kid into this world if they're not going to have a happy life, and if I'm marrying someone I don't know, I can't guarantee that.

"So how about this? If you need to arrange my marriage, you can choose any man or woman who'd be the best fit, but I get to name my successor, I don't want children in that case. Otherwise, if I get to choose who I'm married to, I'll choose someone who can bare my children and we'll produce heirs. Can we agree on that?"

Yaad blinked, a little shocked. This was a lot to process - when the King had finally agreed to talk with him about a potential marriage, he didn't think this would be the direction the conversation would go. On one hand, it made things difficult - alliances between countries via political marriages were usually strengthened by the existence of a child. However, it was not impossible to pull off, and the knowledge that Laios would be receptive to both male and female suitors definitely widened their options. Yaad would have to do some research on eligible noblemen who'd also be receptive to the idea of having a husband (and also take note of which countries were hostile to that sentiment - it wouldn't matter if Laios had a wife if he was such a... well, a man who was honest to a fault). Either way, the Kingdom would benefit in some way that it was not currently while it's King was still single, and Laios would be able to retain some sense of autonomy. Yaad subconsciously nodded. The rest of the royal council should be able to agree with that.

"Alright, Laios. That seems like a fair compromise," he re-gathered the list of suitors he had brought with him to this meeting, "You'll have to give me some time to ammend the list of potential spouses for you - you've given me a lot to think about, but I appreciate your willingness to try..." Yaad trailed off, the thought suddenly occurring to him. He cleared his throat, "Laios. You wouldn't happened to have brought all this up because you have someone in mind, would you?"

Laios's face went red. Shit. He's so bad at lying, there's no way he'd be able to convince Yaad he didn't have ulterior motives.

"A-ahm...! well...!" He swallowed, "Okay, yeah, I do have someone in mind. But I haven't asked them, yet. I don't know if they... feel that way about me. If they reject me," Laios frowned deeply, as if suddenly aware that was a possibility, "ough... if they reject me, I'd be willing to hear you out..."

Yaad felt a little bad for bringing it up, now. "I'll admit that you're quite odd, Laios, but you're not a bad man by any stretch of the imagination. You shouldn't let yourself feel defeated before you even try." With some effort, he rose from his seat and headed to the door, before pausing, with a smile, "I wish you luck, and I'm rather curious to find out who's managed to catch your eye."

ꕥꕥꕥ

Laios figured that Yaad would not actually be happy to hear that he had fallen in love with the man training to be his Prime Minister, but that wasn't really enough to deter him. When Kabru had told him his secret, he mentioned that the idea of Laios no longer seeing him as a man made him feel sick to his stomach. Laios found, now, that the idea of Kabru rejecting him romantically made him feel sick to his stomach, as well. He'd respect whatever Kabru's answer was, of course, but he wanted this so painfully that he needed to give it a try. In that case, he'd have to ask forgiveness rather than permission in order to get started. Hopefully, hopefully Kabru would be willing to forgive him.

He stopped and let the thought play out a bit in his head, as if savoring it like a meal. What Kabru was really worried about was people looking at him differently, right? Maybe he could soften the blow by also demanding Marcille and Yaad treat him no differently than they already had been. Would that be good enough? Maybe. Hopefully. Laios was King, he should be able to make people listen to him, especially when it was as important as this.

ꕥꕥꕥ

Marcille had taken things remarkably well. Laios guessed he shouldn't be too surprised, Marcille was an elf, and Kabru had told him that elves and dwarfs had their own words and treatments for people like him. She had even used that same phrase he did, "transitioned man". It made sense, Kabru was adopted by an elf, so he probably knew all the same terms Marcille did.

What Laios did not, expect, however, was that when her initial excitement that he had fallen in love wore off, she'd berate him and accuse him of only being interested in Kabru, romantically, because he saw him as a woman. Why did people keep thinking he'd do that? Was that normal, or common? Marcille clearly saw him as a man, so why'd she expect different from him?

His clear confusion had brought Marcille down from her tirade, at which point she expressed surprise that Laios was romantically interested in men. Laios supposed he understood that part, looking back on it. He only ever saw men and women together, growing up. At the time he'd assumed that was because they wanted children. It had taken him a while to realize gender played a role in attraction for some people, though to be fair he didn't really think about human attraction much at all. Humans weren't interesting, unless, of course, Kabru was talking about them.

Regardless, he had gotten what sounded like good advice on where to start and how to possibly gage if Kabru was interested in him in return. Maybe this could work. At the very least, it seemed as though Laios wasn't the only one who wanted it to work, and that was already more than he had dared to hope for, in the first place.

Chapter Text

The announcement of their engagement would have to be made public, and with it, the disclosure of Kabru being a transitioned man.

And the man in question couldn't stop pacing around his office (formerly both his room and office), tugging at his hair, covering his face, twitching his fingers. Laios was not as outwardly worried about the announcement, but it concerned him when Kabru would insist he was fine and then act like this.

"Kabru, if it's worrying you this much, I'm sure there's something else we can--"

"I'M FINE. I'm fine. I promise you I'm fine. Or... I will be. It's fine! I just need to... I need to... mentally prepare myself for everything that's going to come of this. Hand me that pillow, please."

Laios blinked, and then twisted around on Kabru's old bed to grab and hand him his pillow. Without hesitation, Kabru brought up it to his face and shrieked into it, in a way that made Laios jump. The pillow was promptly discarded onto the floor as Kabru continued his pacing.

"No matter what we do, the truth will come out eventually if we have children together. And I'm being honest when I say that I'd love to do that with you, and I'd love to be married to you. But that's also not going to make it hurt less when people inevitably start misgendering me. Mocking me, even."

That was a new word to Laios, "misgendering". He could guess what it meant, though. "I'd throw anyone who did that in jail." And he would.

"You can't do that, you'd be labeled as a tyrant."

"You'll be royalty. People need to respect you, the same way I'd throw someone in jail if they were disrespectful to Falin."

Kabru huffed out a laugh, "Your dedication to the people you love is admirable, Laios. But I promise that won't be necessary. I've lived through a lot worse, I'm just not looking forward to the embarrassment of it all. Perhaps this will be a net good for the country. If we lead by example, maybe other races that aren't culturally exposed to people like me can change for the better. We could stand out as a haven among tall-man societies in the East."

Kabru continued to ramble, as he usually did when he approached the subject of the greater good. This was probably the right direction for his mind to wander in, Laios thought. At least he seemed less anxious, now.

Which was a good thing, generally, but also because the time leading up to their announcement continued to slip away.

Chapter Text

"I am immensely jealous of you."

Kabru ran his fingers slowly up and down Laios's cock as it grew hard in his hand.

Laios gasped softly at the sensation, "J... jealous?"

Kabru held him firmly, "Absolutely. Jealous of your body. I wish mine was more like yours."

"But... ah, your body's really handsome. And it's cool how you took so much control over it."

Kabru used his free hand to cover his reflexive smile. Damn Laios, making him lose his train of thought with his sweetness. He lowered his hand and started playing with his lover's nipples as revenge, smirking when Laios let out a small yelp.

"Sometimes my body just longs for it - to have been born male. I wish I had a penis like you do, I wish my chest was hairier like yours is, I wish I could easily grow facial hair-- You know, I can't wait to grow old, I've heard that many elderly women have facial hair."

"You're already pretty hairy. I've seen you plucking your eyebrows in the morning, too."

Kabru leaned forward to press kisses into Laios's neck and started stroking him faster. Laios lost his composure for a moment and started bucking his hips upward to chase after the sweet, sweet friction. Gods, he loved watching him fall apart like this.

"Self-grooming is self-grooming. If I had a beard I would trim and pluck at it, too, just so it would look nice."

Laios didn't have a response, he just moaned and whimpered as Kabru continued his ministration. Kabru released his abused nipple and shifted his position so that his head was level with his chest and he could reach his hand lower. He pressed his face into the center of Laios's chest and inhaled, reveling the feeling of his chest hair against his cheeks, so light in color it was difficult to see, but so clearly present when you touched him. The hand that was not stroking Laios's erection made itself busy by pressing a few fingers against his taint, stimulating his prostate. A particularly loud moan ripped itself from Laios's throat, and Kabru regrettably also heard Laios's claws ripping into the sheets again. He sighed. Perhaps instead of replacing them, he should ask the maids to sew the holes closed, this was happening a bit too often.

Pushing that thought aside, he returned his attention to his lover, "And you know what else? I'd love to know what it feels like to ejaculate the way you do~"

Laios almost cried, "It feels good, it-- Fu-uck! It feels so fucking good!!"

Kabru made his pace relentless, sitting back so he could keep his eyes on what he was doing. He was practically hunting down Laios's climax with the ferocity of an apex predator.

Laios wailed as he came on Kabru's hand and his own stomach. Kabru watched with a distant sense of euphoria as he felt the strong, hot pulsing of his lover's cock in his hand, daring to imagine for a split second that it was his own.

It felt wrong, the point of this was Laios's pleasure, and indeed Kabru cared about and reveled in that. But also, he couldn't help the fleeting thoughts. Maybe it was okay to indulge. Just a little. In the privacy of his own head.

Laios was panting as he slowly came down from his high, and Kabru was already getting to work cleaning him off with a hand towel. The moment he was done, Laios rolled over and hugged him with his whole body.

"Mmmm~ Your turn~"

"Hahah... Laios, ahm... It's okay, I'm not sure if I... I mean, my voice..."

It was hard for Kabru to control the pitch of his voice during sex. It easily climbed up an octave, and beyond that if he was particularly lost in pleasure. For all of Laios's reassurance, sometimes Kabru just couldn't stand the sound of his own voice, enough that it turned him off.

What Kabru didn't know, and hopefully would never know, is that Laios found it really exciting, to know that Kabru was feeling so good he lost control, and that this especially vulnerable side of Kabru was for him to see and him alone. He felt a jolt of pleasure run through him at the mere thought of it.

"Cover your mouth then. Just don't forget to breathe, okay? I wanna make you feel good~" Laios began kissing at his neck, and Kabru found it harder and harder to justify denying himself pleasure.

Chapter Text

Kabru huffed as he attempted to dress himself properly in anticipation for an important meeting. Evidently he sounded frustrated enough that Laios looked up from where he was resting on the couch (it always took him so little time to get ready in comparison) to ask him what was wrong.

He huffed again, "I'm showing enough, now, that I won't be able to wear my belt without it being obvious I'm pregnant. But if I don't wear a belt it will also be obvious that I'm pregnant." He glared down at his stomach as though that could telepathically will it to flatten.

Laios got up to embrace his husband, slowly rubbing his bump through his shirt, "It's okay. Everyone already knows you're pregnant, so it won't be as if you're shocking anyone."

"I know... but I wish I'd get just a little more time before I had to... look like it."

"I'm sorry."

And that was all that could really be said, wasn't it? Kabru had made it clear that he didn't want to have to constantly reassure Laios that he actually wanted to have children, that his complaints didn't mean he regretted his decision, and that he would be honest and tell him if he wanted it to be over. So Laios couldn't ask the question that kept biting at the back of his mind, but he could listen and empathize with Kabru, at least. And it seemed to get the job done, if the contented hum he let out was anything to go by.

"I suppose I should be thankful the royal tailor refrains from making my maternity clothing look feminine. It's nice to know people other than my closest friends understand."

"Yeah! I told you it'd be okay!"

"You did, you did. Somehow, I'm still learning to have more faith in you. Someday I'll get it right."

Chapter Text

Kabru's hormones were exceptionally brutal to him during his first pregnancy. At least, that'd be the excuse he'd give in retrospect as to why he was sprawled out on his old bed in his office (he'd neglected to have it removed), sobbing grossly into his pillows. Rin and Marcille were both rubbing his back, and he was certain at this point that they were only feigning concern, that they were secretly sick and tired of him, as well.

It wasn't just that Toshiro was visiting Melini, and Laios was clearly so absorbed in the return of his friend that he paid attention to little else, including his husband. It wasn't even that Toshiro had pointedly missed their wedding, or that it was obvious to everyone but Laios that he now harbored a crush on the Touden brother, not sister. It was that this was all happening while Kabru was also bloated and disgusting and feeling his masculinity slipping from him, day by day, just like back when he was a teenager.

"You know Laios wouldn't leave you for Shuro, Kabru. He isn't like that. He's just excited to see him," Marcille said. Of course, it made sense, but he couldn't stop his thoughts from spiraling.

"We all saw them beat the shit out of each other. I don't even think Laios likes him in that way," Rin offered. Yeah, but. Yeah, but.

"Y-yeah, but... I don't even look like me, anymore. I've changed so much, how do I know if Laios still likes me in that way??"

"Oh shut up. He still looks at you with those gross puppydog eyes every time you're in the same room. I see it every time I visit the castle. Marcille sees it happen even more than I do, right, Marcille?"

Marcille blinked, "Wha...?" Gross? She guessed it could get pretty annoying, especially when she was trying to talk to Laios and all she'd get was the side of his face because he's not paying attention because he's too damn busy looking at-- "Okay yeah it's gross. He's still grossly in love with you. Besides, Kabru, he talks constantly about how excited he is to have kids with you. You think he'd spontaneously get sick of the idea and leave?"

Kabru sniffled fruitlessly. He ended up having to blow his nose on a handkerchief just to breathe properly again. "... I just don't look like a man, anymore. He married a man, he's expecting a man when this is all over-- what if I can't ever be that anymore? What if I've thrown that all away? Is he prepared for that?? A-ah..." fuck. "Am I prepared for that...?"

The two girls held him close, cooing gently as he became overwhelmed by sorrow. Even his baby was gently tapping him from the inside, as if trying to reassure him, as well. He couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand it. He just wept until he got it all out of his system.

As his sobbing began to subside, Marcille spoke up, "We'll see how your body holds up after the baby is born, okay, Kabru? And if something needs to be done... You, you've said before that you couldn't get access to transition magic due to being a short-lived race, right? I'll look into it, I'll learn it myself, if I have to. I'll help you in any way that I can. Okay?"

He sniffled pathetically, but mumbled, "... okay."

The girls both physically relaxed. That was something. That was progress.

ꕥꕥꕥ

Marcille would later drag Laios away from Toshiro and tear into him in a private meeting room. Maybe it was a little unfair - Laios had as little control over Kabru's hormones as Kabru did, himself - but she did not just spend hours trying to talk the Prince down from the brink of total devastation just so his husband could carry on gallivanting with his buddy like nothing had happened.

Laios, to his credit, looked properly distraught as she explained what had happened. He looked as if he was searching for any opportunity to leave so he could run off and apologize profusely to Kabru. Marcille would not let him off just yet.

"It's not just that, Laios... Kabru is suffering from a pretty severe bout of gender dysphoria."

"G... gender what?"

"Gender dysphoria. It's especially common among transitioned people, but it can happen to anyone. I remember my mom telling me it happened to her when her friends kept teasing her, saying she looked so much like my uncle that no one could tell the two apart. It's when your own perception of yourself doesn't match your gender. It can be affected by the way others treat you, sure, but sometimes that has nothing to do with it, especially if you're transitioned and your body already doesn't match your gender."

"Oh..." A new wave of understanding washed over Laios in an instant. All at once, the way Kabru would speak about himself, the desires, the insecurities he expressed, it all made sense to him. Oh no. It was obvious, now. Men don't get pregnant, by tall-man standards, and this entire time, Kabru, he--

"I really need to find Kabru, Marcille." He was already standing to leave.

Marcille eyed him. She could say more, but it was clear Laios both understood the most important aspects of her lecture, and also wouldn't be able to pay attention to anything else. "He should still be in his office. Try not to break the door down."

Much to her chagrin, he had nearly ripped the meeting room's door off its hinges as he left, shouting a belated "Thank you!" from down the hall. The royal couple were awfully talented at leaving everyone in their proximity with a budding migraine.

ꕥꕥꕥ

Kabru was stuck in a half-asleep state. He had dismissed Rin (though he thanked her sincerely) so that he could take a nap to recover from his meltdown, a nap he was now just starting to wake up from. He definitely needed a bath, and maybe a haircut would help a little, too. He idly rubbed his stomach when he heard a knock at the door. All he could muster was a non-commital hum.

Laios slowly entered the room, looking like a kicked dog. Kabru's breath seized for just a moment before he made himself relax. He wouldn't-- he couldn't bring himself to make his petty grievances Laios's problem, especially when he knew he was being unreasonable to begin with.

It looked like he didn't get a choice in the matter, however. Laios approached the bed. "Marcille told me what happened"

"I'm fine, now. I just needed a good cry. It's really just my hormones making me act all funny, please don't worry about it."

He sat down next to Kabru, "I wanna talk with you, because... She also explained to me that you were feeling something called 'gender dysphoria'..."

"Oh. She figured that out, huh?" As if he weren't obvious about it.

Laios managed to chuckle, "Marcille is really smart. Maybe she's not as good at reading people as you are, but that's because no one's as good as you are," he shifted uncomfortably, "I mean, usually. You really thought I was gonna leave you for Shuro...?"

Kabru groaned in annoyance, "I refuse to talk about that, it's embarrassing. Leave me alone."

That only prompted Laios to scoot in closer to his husband, sitting beside him on the cramped little bed and gently rubbing circles on his belly.

"Okay. We don't have to talk about that. As long as you don't believe it, anymore. But I still wanna talk to you...

"When Marcille explained to me what gender dysphoria was-- Everything just made sense. I could tell you every single hour of every single day that you're still a man, and you wouldn't believe it, right? Because you don't feel like one right now, right?" He waited for Kabru to nod, "I understand. I get it, because that's how I feel about being human. Some days, I can look at myself in the mirror and my claws and fangs and eyes are enough. Wearing my old skin helps, too. But sometimes... no matter what I do or try to convince myself of, I'll feel so human that it hurts. I'll get jealous of how inhuman Falin or Izutsumi get to look while I'm stuck looking like this. I know I'll never get to be a monster, again, and sometimes it's bad enough I'll start to cry. That's kind of like how you feel now, right?"

Kabru nodded, again, but this time with a significant look of concern on his face.

"Laios, I'm so sorry, I never realized you'd felt that strongly. When you told me about your hide, I never... I didn't make the connection--"

"It's okay. Right now I feel fine, so it's okay. Besides, some things are worth being human for: If I was a monster, I wouldn't get to be with you, and Falin, and Marcille all the time..." He looked up at the ceiling, lost in thought, "I'd be too big to fit in the castle..."

That earned a snort and a laugh from Kabru. Laios smiled as he felt his husband's stomach moving up and down, "If I weren't human, I also couldn't have kids with you, and that also makes being human worth it. Is that how you feel, too?"

Kabru took a deep, blissful breath, and thought about it for a second. "Yeah. It's worth it to me, to have this body. I know I told you I wanted to be a father ever since I was young, but I'm also glad it gets to be with you."

ꕥꕥꕥ

They stayed like that for a while, cuddled on a bed too small to comfortably hold two people, pressed together with their limbs entangled, until they were called to dinner by a maid. Laios helped Kabru stand - he was getting to the point where it was going to be hard for him to do certain things on his own - and walked with him, hand-in-hand, to the dining hall.

Kabru thought it was odd, at first, when he heard Marcille's proud voice from behind the door to the hall - "May I present to you, Prince Kabru Touden of Utaya" - until he opened the door and realized Toshiro was already sitting at the table, and looked like he had gotten smacked with a ton of bricks. Hah. Kabru allowed himself a smirk of self-satisfaction, until the realization dawned on him.

Toshiro looked genuinely surprised, not as though he was dejected that yet another Touden sibling he'd set his eyes upon was out of his grasp, but like he had absolutely no clue what was even going on.

He rose from his seat, looking directly at Laios, "You're married??? You married Kabru??? What is this, why didn't you tell me any of that??"

Ah, well, it seemed he was doing a good job of being openly frustrated at Laios, now. And Laios was still Laios, for better and, unfortunately, for worse. Kabru was rendered speechless as he put the pieces of this puzzle, together.

The King frowned, "Huh?? I thought you knew!! It's been five... or six months now," Toshiro's interjected, choked out exclamation of "Months???" caused Kabru to huff indignantly. Had he seriously not noticed the bump he was so clearly sporting, yet? These two were both hopeless.

Laios continued, "We invited you to the wedding!! You never came! I assumed you were just busy," Kabru had honestly assumed it was pettiness, "but I thought you at least knew we were getting married!"

"Oh."

Everyone turned to Falin, who had also been sitting at the dining table the entire time. Her cheeks were running redder than usual. Ah. She was the one given the task to deliver the invitation to Toshiro on her most recent trip to the Eastern Archapelago.

"I knew I had forgotten something..." She frowned and looked down at her plate, "I'm sorry."

From there, everyone rushed to assure Falin that it was okay, it was an honest mistake, and so on. It was much too difficult to be mad at the Dragoness of Melini to do otherwise (but really! It was a wedding invitation!! Oh well. Nothing to do about it, now.)

After that, dinner had finally arrived and served as an effective distraction from the emotional turmoil of the day. Kabru was going to talk Rin's ear off about this when she inevitably returned to the castle to check up on him. And through the contented sounds of the royal court and their guest feasting, Kabru could still feel Toshiro's eyes on him. Ah. He finally noticed, hadn't he?

Toshiro was, understandably, more awkward around Kabru than he was around Laios. They hadn't spent as much time together, and of that time spent together, most of it was spent quelling the collapse of Melini's dungeon. It was clear he was trying to find a polite way to bring his observation up, and he'd probably say something ignorant along the way. Best to get it over with, then!

"Something the matter, Prince Toshiro?"

The man stammered for a moment, cornered, "Ah, you're... eating monster food again."

Seriously?? That's what he noticed?? He'd need some more help, then, "Ah, yes. Well, I don't really make a habit of it, I usually avoid eating monsters if I can," Kabru started with a smile, that was definitely the most polite way to put it, "But ever since I started carrying Laios's child, I guess cravings like these were inevitable."

There we go. Once again it was as if reality had slammed poor Toshiro in the face. Kabru was admittedly starting to feel bad for him.

"His-- his child??"

Kabru brought his drink back down to the table with a sharp noise, frustrated. Gods! This man! "Honestly, Toshiro! Did you just think I had gotten fat??"

The table went abuzz after this, comments and explanations and indignant expressions, one after the other, being flung around above their meal. Well, if this conversation was going to be a disaster, it might as well be an entertaining disaster.

Chapter Text

Kabru found his son hiding in the castle library. He looked absolutely pitiful, curled up in the corner of one of the aisles. The older man got down on his knees and beckoned the boy over to him.

It took a second, but Cassius eventually uncurled himself and ran over to his Papa, burying his face in his shirt and gripping him as though he'd disappear if he let go. Kabru winced as his son's claws dug into him, but didn't say or do anything to stop him. Instead, he held him close and slowly rubbed his back.

"My love, what's got you feeling like this, can you tell me?"

It didn't surprise him much that Cas just started sniffling, instead. Usually, when Cassius got too upset, he wouldn't be able to talk, and when he wasn't able to talk, he got frustrated with himself and started crying. Kabru just shushed him gently.

"Take your time, sweetheart. I'll wait, I'm not going anywhere."

He wished Cas was still small enough to more easily carry, he could take him back to his room and have more privacy. Unfortunately, it seems all their children ended up with Touden height genes, and Laios and Falin must have been large children. Kabru didn't remember being this big at the age of seven.

They stayed like that for a while, before Cas shifted a little in Kabru's arms. Kabru slowly released his son, keeping his hands on his shoulders and gazing softly at him.

"What happened, Cas?"

Cas didn't look at him, instead focusing his eyes on the corner of the room while his hands fidgeted and his tail flicked behind him. He mumbled something, too low to hear.

He's too used to Laios's hearing. Kabru sighed quietly, "I'm sorry, I can't hear you. Can you say that again? Just a little louder...?"

"... how come I don't have a mommy?"

Oh.

Kabru supposed this was inevitable. His kids would, naturally, interact with other children within the kingdom, and most children had parents that weren't like Laios and himself. He should have anticipated this. Cassius seemed to greatly dislike anything that singled him out as "different", and this was just another thing that would lable him such. It stung, but Kabru would have to do his best to answer, regardless.

"Well... not everyone has a mommy. And some people don't have a daddy. Some people don't have either. You don't have a mommy because you have two daddies. Does that make sense? You still have two parents that love you very much, even though we're both boys."

"We were in your tummy though, like what would happen if you were our mommy."

Kabru swallowed thickly, "Y... yes. You have a very good memory, sweetheart. Yes, I was pregnant with you and your sisters, because I'm a transitioned boy. Do you remember what that means?"

"It means you were born with a girl body even though you're a boy."

It helped Kabru calm down, a bit, "That's right, that's right. That's why I'm your daddy, and not your mommy. Is that all you needed? To have it explained again? I know it can be confusing sometimes." He knew that couldn't be everything. But he wanted to hope.

Cassius was silent, and chewed on his claws nervously.

"What's wrong, Cas? I promise I won't get mad. You can tell me, you're not in trouble."

Cas shifted his weight from foot to foot, "... the other kids were making fun of me an' Lala because we don't have a mommy."

Suddenly, Kabru was hit by a now distant memory, almost a decade ago, of when Laios threatened to throw anyone who'd misgender Kabru in jail. You are not going to jail children, Kabru. Get it together. He just frowned deeply, instead.

"That's awful!! How mean of them! That wasn't okay for them to do! You know that, right, Cas? I'll have to speak with their parents, I'm sure they don't want their children doing anything like that, and they need to know what's going on! Can you tell me who it was?" He, belatedly, hoped that he'd be able to have an actual conversation with the other childrens' parents. What must it be like for the King and Prince to knock at your door, to converse, parent-to-parent?

Kabru was knocked from his thoughts when Cas started sniffling again, big, fat tears rolling down his adorable, round cheeks. Oh no. This could wait. His son needed him. Kabru gathered him back up in his arms.

"P... Papa... is it okay if I call you Mommy?"

Kabru was going to be sick. Breathe. Just fucking breathe. Don't take it out on your kid.

"Well... Mommies are girls, Cassius. And I'm not a girl, I'm a boy." Please don't call me 'Mommy'.

"But can't you be a mommy and a boy at the same time? If everyone has a mommy and a daddy, I want a mommy and a daddy, it's just that my mommy is a boy."

The way he worded that helped reel Kabru back in to some degree of manageable thought. So it seemed Cas was a lot like Laios, then, when it came to gendered things. He didn't see the point of exclusively marking something one way or the other, and right now his priorities meant he wanted something he didn't understand why he couldn't have.

It had taken Laios quite a while - years, in fact - to properly explain himself. Everyone knew his mind didn't work like other people's (Kabru was, quite frankly, more stunned to learn that Laios's brain worked remarkably similarly to his own, and therefore his own mind didn't work like other people's). His view on gender, though, went beyond gullibility - he seemed to be able to tell how someone identified no matter how easily the average person would be able to pick their appearance apart. When Laios had told him he was a man, and therefore looked like a man, it went deeper than appearances. It was as if gender had an aura that Laios could sense. And maybe it did, he'd have to ask Marcille or Falin about that.

Kabru sighed. Maybe this would be tolerable, under these very, extremely specific circumstances. It would certainly be the easier and less headache-inducing route to take. It could be monumentally difficult to explain how things were meant to properly be when he, himself, couldn't really answer their inevitable questions as to why.

(He had never thought to ask why, as a child. He just wanted to be normal and did his best to figure out how. Maybe Cas wants that, too.)

(Cassius, born with claws and a tail, part monster in ways Kabru had only feared he, himself was, when he was his age. He could remember the ridicule, the isolation, the desperation to just be normal.)

He could do this. For his baby.

"Hmm. I just want to ask you a few questions. So you know I'm a boy, right?" Cas nodded his head. "And you don't actually want me to be a girl?" The boy thought for a moment, and then shook his head.

"You wouldn't be you, if you were a girl."

Kabru couldn't help the laugh that tumbled past his lips, "No, I suppose I wouldn't be, would I? Okay, so you just want someone to call "Mommy", even if that person is a boy?" Cas nodded again.

Kabru took a very purposeful breath. Okay. "Okay. I'll let you call me "Mommy" if that's what you want. I'll talk to your Father about it so he doesn't try to correct you." This would most likely be a phase, anyway. Cas would grow tired of it and find something else to worry about, and then Kabru would be his Papa, again, before he'd know it. Yeah. He could do this.

All his remaining apprehension melted away when little arms clung to him again in a hug. His little boy...

He ran his fingers through his son's wavy hair and kissed the top of his head. "I love you, Cas."

"I love you, too, Mommy."

Chapter Text

"Do you think our historical records will be able to outlive our remains?"

It was a stupid question, really. Of course they wouldn't, at least not the original copies.

Marcille looked up from her cup and frowned. The royal court doesn't get much time for breaks between meetings on days like these, and yet Kabru wanted to spend that time talking. He was going to be hoarse tomorrow.

"Why would you ask a question you already know the answer to?"

Laios hummed, "Kabru, you already know the answer?"

Kabru was left stammering "I... I mean--"

Thankfully, Yaad was willing to spare him.

"Almost everything in this country was able to remain in a stasis for a thousand years, and that includes our historical records. Though, that was induced directly by the Demon that had driven Thistle mad." The old Prince turned towards the young Prince, a glint in his eyes "Why do you ask, Kabru?"

Kabru smiled and settled into an easy explanation, "Ah, well, it's just that all the scribes and bards and artists have worked so hard to immortalize the story of Melini's New Age and everything that's happened so far. I had started thinking about it when we were sorting out the budget for the newest tapestry that's to be hu--"

"Kabru, if you waste your voice lying like that, it won't even last to the end of the day," Marcille interrupted, "He's asking because I wasn't able to restructure his bones after he had the twins." She went right back to drinking her tea, only half-sorry that she had to out his intentions like that.

It was far too dangerous to re-arrange the structure of one's bones while they were still alive, and it generally wasn't done outside of dire, life-saving circumstances. Marcille had been able to help redistribute the fat in his body (and, to Kabru's credit, he had worked incredibly hard to lose weight in as healthy a manner as he could manage after his last pregnancy), she had learned the magic necessary to safely cast a transitional spell circle on his genital region, and she was able to literally change the shape of his voice box so that his deeper voice was natural and not something he had to consciously perform. But she could not undo the way pregnancy and birth had changed his pelvic bones. It had made little difference on his outward appearance, so it was fine.

... Until that report had recently been released, about the ruins of an ancient elf village in the West, and how archeologists were excitedly trying to piece together the lives of people long dead and long forgotten. A particular marker of how one spent their life was the fact that a study of the pelvic bones on the skeleton left behind could denote whether or not one had given birth, so some parents were easy to take note of. As a rule, elven archeologists don't use gendered language for the unidentified, but it was clear that some tall-man publications don't grant that same degree of respect.

Marcille had, incidentally, counted three reports in Elvish, Western Tall-man (though Kabru seemed to just call the language "Western"), and Common scattered off to the side on Kabru's desk when she visited his office to discuss the details of Laios's upcoming birthday. She hadn't found him, but she had found his letter-opener stabbed into the wood of his desk, clear through the Common publication he must have been reading.

As well-put-together as Kabru could make himself appear, it was painfully obvious to those who knew him well that certain things just set him off. After working with him for a decade, Marcille could pretty accurately guess that Kabru would return to his office at some point after cooling off, kindly remove the letter opener from his poor desk, dispose of the Common report and file the other reports away. At which point, he'd pretend the entire outburst never happened, but he wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it for.... Hm. At least a week.

And now, only three days later, he was trying to bring it up casually. Nice try, but she wasn't about to let him play his little games, especially when they didn't have time to waste, today.

Laios had furrowed his brow, after her interruption, "Wait, why does that matter?"

Kabru cleared his throat uncomfortably, composure lost, "Uh... when a body has decomposed to the point of becoming a skeleton, and no one knows who the person the skeleton belonged to ever was, it's possible to tell which skeletons belonged to... mothers. Because of the way the pelvis is changed after one gives birth..."

"And you're worried that, should someone find your bones in the far future, they'd... make assumptions that aren't accurate?" Despite his words, Yaad had a gentle, patient look on his face.

"Ha-ahah... Well! When you say it like that, it sounds awfully self-centered, doesn't it? What should it matter what someone, thousands of years from now, thinks of me? I apologize for making such a fuss about it."

"Of course it matters!! They'd be getting something wrong!!"

Everyone turned to Laios, a bit stunned. Yaad took a steady breath, "Forgive me, my Lord, because you must understand how greatly I care for both you and Lord Kabru, but I really do struggle to see the weight of the issue."

"It doesn't bother you that someone would confidently be telling lies about you? After you're gone and can't refute them? What if, after Marcille dies and someone finds her bones," Marcille made a face into her teacup, "They can't tell that she lived for a thousand years? What if they assume she's not half tall-man because her ears have rotted away?," she subconsciously gripped one of her ears, "What if they then conclude: 'The court mage of the ancient, lost kingdom of Melini was a fullblooded elf who lived to four-hundred years old, as all fullblooded elves do'? Our history would be completely re-written by strangers!"

Marcille was still gripping her ears, "But we'd be long dead! We wouldn't physically be able to be bothered by it, and neither would our loved ones!"

"I know that, but the idea of it still bothers me, right now. I hadn't thought about it until Kabru brought it up, but he's right to be worried. This isn't just something that'll affect him, it'll affect all of us. We ought to find a way to properly preserve our records and make sure the records are accurate!"

The meeting room was silent for a moment and all four of them noticed that the hourglass that would mark the beginning of the next meeting was nearly at its end. Yaad quickly cleared his throat.

"Well! I still can't say I properly understand it, but you are the King. If this is important to you, and you're certain you'd like to dedicate resources towards it-" Laios clumsily interjected with "I am" - "I'm sure there's something we could figure out within the next few days."

ꕥꕥꕥ

And of course, this meant Marcille was now pouring over every elvish text she could get her hands on that was related to combating decay, specifically that of parchment and ink. At the very least, she could make Kabru suffered with her.

And as he set yet another dead end aside, he sighed and spoke up, "I do want to apologize. For putting you in this situation."

"For the record, as soon as I found out what was bothering you, I planned on putting a curse on your remains that would make it physically impossible for anyone to misgender you, post-mortem."

"And you're able to say something like that so casually, hm?"

"I thought it was clear that I don't give a damn about your present comfort."

"Ahahah... Lady Marcille... I said I was sorry..."

"Oh? I don't recall hearing those exact words coming from your mouth." She finished sorting the papers in her hands and clipped them together. They'd be worth returning to, at least. "And besides... As much as I think this is a waste of my time, it's not the worst thing Laios has gotten his head set on. This must be another one of those weird things you two understand that other people don't, which means Falin might care about it, too, and so might your kids."

She sighed "The only reason I'm not imprisoned in the West right now is because I'm serving Laios, right? That means I'm going to be surrounded by the Touden bloodline for the rest of my life, and whatever it is that makes him, and you, and whoever else like this clearly runs in the family. So maybe I'm saving myself from future headaches by dealing with this, now."

Her expression softened, and she reached out a hand to hold Kabru's. "... You know that I'd be correcting any mistakes to the record for as long as I'm alive... right?"

Kabru bit back a pained smile, "That's an awful lot of trouble to go to for the dead, Marcille."

"Yeah, well you go to an awful lot of trouble to convince yourself you're not worth caring about, so maybe don't listen to your dumb brain for a minute?" She ignored his offended scoff, "I may not understand what the point will be in the far, distant future, but as long as your memory is alive, who you are matters!  There are going to be people you leave behind when you die, and those people will still care about you... So it will bother me if I reach old age and the world decides its forgotten who you are, already. You're a man of your own making, Kabru, you worked so hard to prove it. Why should that all go away when you die?"

He was turned away from her at this point, trying his hardest not to audibly sniffle or let her see the tears streaming down his face.

A watery laugh escaped Marcille as she held his hand tighter and leaned into him, "H-hey, I'm supposed to be getting all sad thinking about this, okay?"

Kabru laughed as well, voice broken, and turned around to hug her.

"You're right, you're right. I'm sorry."

He took a shaky breath.

"And thank you."

Chapter Text

Kabru wasn't exactly capable of fully conscious "thought" after he had died and become a ghost.

It was moreso that he was driven by strong feelings and echoes of concepts, with the occasional clarity to think out or process a sentence or two.

But even if he had been able to, there were not enough words, nor time in anyone's lifespan

To describe the overwhelming, loving warmth

That Kabru felt, when he heard the distant voice of his mother - who had known him as her daughter for five years and her son for only two - calling out to him

Calling out to him

"Kabru! Kabru! My son!!"