Work Text:
Chris took a deep breath and steeled herself before climbing out of her jeep and heading into HQ for another day of work.
Today wasn’t any other day though. Today was the first day after the article about her came out. Everyone who has read it now knows the true reason why she became a cop. It wasn’t ‘to serve and protect’, it was to prevent the next young girl from being attacked like she was.
She chose to reveal the truth and do the interview after all the attacks on women by a member of the ‘Take the Red Pill’ forum. A forum focused on men’s rights which ended up being an anti-women venting place. She knew she had revealed the truth for a good cause but now all her predominantly male colleagues were aware of it and she was worried they would see her as weak or a victim. She tried to portray herself in the interview as a survivor and a fighter for justice as that is how she felt. Something that she thought she had somewhat succeeded in with the help of the interviewer who agreed with her portrayal of being a survivor instead of a victim.
She didn’t want to be seen as a victim as she didn’t feel like one. A victim is someone who has suffered and not overcome something. A survivor is someone who overcame something and may have even become stronger because of it. That is how she felt. It had taken a long time but right now she felt stronger and more determined because of what had happened. She knew what she was fighting for and who she was protecting.
She had told herself to treat today like any other day. Walk into HQ with your head held high and don’t let anyone talk shit about you. She would show them exactly what she was made of.
Entering HQ she made her way to the locker room to change into her workout gear with only the casual nod to any of her colleagues walking by. Some seemed to stop, wanting to talk to her, but she didn’t give them the time.
Tan was already getting changed in the locker room, getting ready for their usual morning spar.
“Ready to get your ass kicked?” Chris joked in a way of greeting.
Tan looked up and gave her a questioning look, wordlessly asking if she wanted to talk about the article. The hard look Chris gave back made her answer very clear. Tan nodded before smiling. “I think you mean are you ready to get your ass kicked.”
“In your dreams,” Chris grinned, happy to know that Tan would treat her the way she had hoped: like nothing had happened.
When they faced each other in the ring, they went a little harder at it than normal, especially when they started to gather a crowd. Chris, subconsciously at first, wanted to make it very clear that she was no victim, that she was strong. She showed the rest of SWAT this in a way that they understood, by showing her power, drive and determination in ‘battle’. Tan was a willing participant in this display. When Chris managed to beat Tan, the crowd cheered. Chris grinned before helping Tan up. She felt like she had convinced most of the SWAT members who were watching that, like the article had said, she was no victim but a survivor and a warrior.
As the crowd slowly started to disperse, she noticed Molly Hicks was staring at her intensely. Street was standing beside her. Chris tried to ignore them, focusing on Tan instead, but she saw Molly approach the edge of the ring from her periphery.
“Chris, can we talk?” She started.
“About what? I’m kinda busy as you can see.” Chris replied, barely giving her any attention.
“About what happened to you.” Molly said in a tone that conveyed a mix of care and pity, something that Chris despised.
“There is nothing to talk about, Molly.” Chris said very clearly, trying to end the conversation there.
“Of course there is,” Molly replied, her tone getting closer to the one used when dealing with a wounded animal. A kind and reassuring tone that Chris thought may have been helpful to some but not to her. “You should talk about what has happened.”
“No, I don’t.” Chris focused on Tan instead, trying to ignore Molly.
“Chris, there is nothing to be ashamed of. I can help you!”
“I didn’t ask for your help, Molly. Now if there is nothing else, I’m going back to doing something actually important.” Chris snapped before rolling her shoulders and facing off against Tan.
“You’re just hiding from your feelings. I have seen it all the time in the women I work with. It’s ok to talk about your feelings. It’s ok to admit that something bad has happened to you, but you’re safe now.”
“Molly, she is clearly not interested.” Street told her, laying a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to stop her from continuing to push Chris to talk about things she didn’t want to talk about.
“She needs to talk about it. She was a victim of something horrible. She needs to see that there is help out there for her.” Molly fired back. “I can offer her that.”
“Offer received.” Chris was getting frustrated as Molly declared her a victim in front of a crowd of interested SWAT members who were drawn by the confrontation. “I am not interested as I am not a victim, Molly. Now leave me alone so I can focus on more important stuff.”
“Chris, it’s ok to admit you need help.” Molly said in an attempted soothing tone. “You were the victim of something horrible.”
“No, I’m not. I am the survivor of something horrible. I overcame it and became stronger because of it so I can stop it from happening to the next kid. I am no victim. I am a survivor and a fighter. Now leave me alone, Molly. No one asked for your help or sympathy. I am here to train to make sure I am strong enough to kick the asses of anyone else trying to attack a child as that is what SWAT does. We protect those that need protecting.” Chris climbed out of the ring and without a second glance at Molly made her way to the firing range.
Molly rounded on Street. “You need to convince her she needs to talk to someone about what she has gone through, she needs help.”
Street frowned at Molly who seemed to be on some kind of crusade to ‘rescue’ Chris who clearly didn’t want or need rescuing. “I don’t think she needs help and she has made it very clear she doesn’t want it. Maybe you should just leave her alone?”
“She needs help and I can help her.” Molly said passionately. Street normally admired the passion she has to help those that are victims of abuse but he can now also see the issue with it. Molly was eager to help Chris, but she doesn’t know Chris. She doesn’t see that her passion to help Chris will only hurt her. He watched a determined Molly make her way over to the firing range, unsure of what to do.
Tan interrupted his thoughts. “You may want to go after her before Chris shoots her. You know Chris won’t miss.”
Some of the other SWAT officers who were spectators to the whole scene chuckled. Most of them knew Chris as the warrior she was. She made that even more clear in her display just now. She was a survivor and used that experience as a drive to protect others. It’s something that a lot of the warriors and protectors in SWAT recognized. There was a reason why a lot of them chose to become SWAT and face nightmare after nightmare every day, they wanted to protect the next person from having to face that nightmare.
SWAT is about saving lives.
“Chris?” Street heard Molly call out the moment he entered the shooting range. Chris was wearing headphones and was focusing on her target.
Molly had her ears covered but that didn’t stop her from trying to get Chris’ attention. “Chris!”
When Chris had emptied her magazine, she carefully placed her pistol down and took off her headphones.
“Finally!” Molly sighed. “I want to talk to you, Chris. I know you’re scared but you don’t need to hide from me. I can help you.” Molly’s tone was gentle but determined.
Chris was losing her patience. Normally she was very good at hiding her emotions, especially at HQ, but she was already feeling on edge and Molly was not helping. “I told you to leave me alone, Molly. Have you perhaps considered that I don’t want to talk to you? I have talked to the people who matter, that does not include you.” Chris said coolly.
Unfortunately for Chris, the last sentence was heard by Molly’s father: commander Hicks. “Alonso! What is going on here?” He barked.
Molly rounded on her father and spoke with a passionate voice. “Chris won’t talk to me about what had happened to her. She is clearly suffering and she needs help! I can help her!”
Hicks frowned at her. “Did she ask for your help?”
“No,” Molly conceded before a thought came to her. “But she should get help if she wants to make sure she can keep up with the SWAT standards.” She had hoped that this would convince both Chris and her father that it was for her own good. Here however Molly was utterly wrong as it made Chris lose the last shred of patience she had left.
“Molly, you clearly have no idea what you’re talking about.” Chris snapped, furious that Molly would question her capability of being a SWAT officer. “What happened was fifteen years ago. Don’t you think I’ve already talked to someone about it? And as a professional you should know better than to force your ‘help’ onto someone, especially someone who answers to your father due to the conflict of interest. Or do you want to get your father in trouble?”
“Enough!” Commander Hicks shouted. “Molly, you need to leave Alonso alone. And Alonso, my office, now!” He stormed out.
Chris sighed, turning to gather her pistol and other equipment but Street interrupted her. “I’ll take care of that, Chris. You go on ahead.” He said kindly, feeling conflicted about the situation.
“Thanks,” Chris muttered before making herself scarce, not even looking at Molly.
Molly let out a frustrated sigh. “Can you believe her? I could have helped her. She would have been a fantastic case study about a road to recovery, from victim to warrior.”
Street frowned as he gathered Chris’ equipment. “So this is all about her being a case study to you?” He asked with a hint of resentment in his voice.
“Well no, of course not! I mean she needs help obviously and she’s your friend and all.” Molly quickly defended herself.
Street placed Chris’ equipment back down on the table, turned around, arms folded in front of his chest as he faced Molly. “Don’t use my friendship with Chris as an excuse to harass her. You know that is the last thing I want you to do.”
“I’m not harassing her! I’m trying to help her! She is the one that helped us get together, I was just trying to return the favor.” Molly defended herself before sighing, running a hand through her hair. “Ok, in all honesty there is another reason.”
Street raised his eyebrows.
Molly looked down, slightly ashamed. “I admire her and respect her, but she also intimidates me. I am used to seeing my dad work with all these strong men but seeing this woman who is my age hold her own against them, often even besting them, made me feel… inadequate?”
“Why does Chris being in SWAT make you feel inadequate?” Street frowned, clearly not understanding the problem.
“She is your best friend and she’s just so,” Molly hesitated, trying to find the right word. “So good. She is already a legend. She is admired by most of the LAPD.”
“She also works harder than most.” Street pointed out. “But what does this have to do with her being my best friend?”
“I guess I was just jealous. She is a big part of your life and I feel like she overshadows me. The moment you hear Chris needs you, you drop everything.”
“I would do the same for you,” Street reasoned.
“I know,” Molly mumbled. “But I guess when I finally found a ‘weakness’ in Chris I jumped on it. I wanted to make myself feel better by showing that I can help her. In a silly way I thought it would show you that I was just as good as her. That you would admire me the same way you admire her.”
Street’s eyes widened in shock. He hadn’t considered Molly the jealous type and Chris certainly hadn’t done anything to make her jealous. She wasn’t wrong, he had put Chris on a pedestal but it was so high that not even he could reach it. A vast distance created by the rules of SWAT and their lives itself.
“I’m guessing you see now how fucked up that is?” Street said bluntly.
Molly nodded, looking at her feet.
“I think you know, better than most, the challenges she faces at SWAT as a woman. Your actions could have destroyed her reputation, even her career, something she has worked for for years. And for what? Jealousy?”
Molly looked up at him with tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Jim. I really am. My insecurity and jealousy got the better of me.”
Street shook his head. “It’s not me you need to apologize to. You didn’t jeopardize my career. But Molly,” Street hesitated a moment. “I don’t think this is going to work out between us. I care about you a great deal but your behavior today has shown that you aren’t secure enough in our relationship to let me have female friends. You have shown that by trying to hurt my best friend. I need someone who trusts me and I think at this time, you are unable to.”
“But Street-” Molly stammered.
Street shook his head. “I wish you all the best, Molly. I truly do.” He said gently before grabbing Chris’ equipment and making his way out of the shooting range, leaving a devastated Molly behind him.
Street put Chris’ equipment away and was about to head to Hicks’ office to find her when his phone went off and he was summoned to the Eagle’s Nest. He rushed over, finding 20 Squad already there, including Chris who had a stoic look on her face.
Street quickly approached Chris. “Chris, I-”
He got interrupted by Hicks entering the Eagle’s Nest, leaving no room for talk as he handed 20 Squad some high risk warrants to be served today.
Street was desperate to talk to Chris, to make sure she was ok after the incident this morning, but they were kept busy the entire day with the warrants.
At the end of the day 20 Squad climbed into Black Betty to head back to HQ after handing over the last guy they served the warrant to to patrol. It had been a long day as only one out of six of the people they served the warrants to came quietly.
“What do you guys say to beers and pizza at our place?” Luca called out from the driver’s seat.
Tan laughed in appreciation. “I’m definitely in. Bonnie is working late and after today I could use a beer.”
“Easy choice as I already live there,” Street chuckled.
“You mean no choice,” Deacon pointed out. “But I’m in too. Annie and the kids are at her mother’s place for dinner anyway.”
“Count me in,” Hondo added.
“What about you, Chris?” Street asked, hoping that she would join as well.
Chris was leaning back against the side of Black Betty, her eyes closed. She didn’t open them but mumbled: “Yeah, I’m in.”
“Awesome!” Luca shouted enthusiastically. “Squad Family night it is!”
Later that evening 20 Squad was gathered at Luca and Street’s place. Luca and Tan were in a fierce competition on who could beat the highscore on the pinball machine. Deacon and Hondo were watching football on the TV, laughing and sharing commentary.
Street was watching football as well when he noticed Chris slip out. He slowly got up himself, trying not to draw the attention of the others and casually followed her.
It was dark already and it took him a moment to find Chris. She was sitting on top of the picnic table, looking at the sky as she was drinking her beer. His mind was drawn back to that fateful evening a year ago when they shared a drunken kiss in that exact location. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the memory as he knew that would only lead to trouble.
“Care for some company?” Street asked gently as he approached her and stopped in front of her.
Chris sighed and looked up at him. “That depends, are you going to lecture me for the way I spoke to your girlfriend?”
Street shook his head before sitting down beside her. “Ex-girlfriend,” he mumbled.
“Oh,” Chris was quiet for a second. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah… Me too.” Street sighed.
“What happened?” Chris asked hesitantly.
“It’s-” Street started, trying to find the words. “Complicated.”
Chris grimaced. “Aren’t all breakups?”
Street chuckled. “Yeah, most of them I guess.”
A silence lingered before Chris placed her beer bottle beside her and laying back so she could watch the stars.
“Comfy?” Street smiled down at her.
Chris chuckled. “Surprisingly yes, and it’s nice watching the stars like this.”
“Well then don’t mind if I join you,” Street said as he laid down beside her. They stayed like that, side by side, in silence for a while, both watching the stars and listening to the noises of the city and the laughter of their friends from inside the house. “You’re right, this is nice.”
“Want to talk about today?” Street asked after a long and peaceful silence.
Chris hesitated for a moment. “No, do you?”
“No,” Street sighed. “Maybe later but not right now.”
Neither of them wanted to destroy the peace they had found, watching the stars after a turbulent day.
“Except for one thing, there is something I need to say to you.” Street said as he turned his head to look at her.
“Hm?” Chris turned her head to face him.
“I’m proud of you, Chris, for telling your story.” Street started.
“Street-” Chris interrupted.
Street grabbed Chris’ hand and gently squeezed it to stop her from interrupting in. “You should be proud too, Chris. Proud to show the world that you are a survivor and a warrior.”
“I-” Chris hesitated. The simple validation meant a lot to her. It made her feel like she did the right thing in sharing her story.
Street gently squeezed her hand again before letting it go as if telling her that she didn’t have to say anything before he looked back up at the stars.
Chris took a moment to look at Street, appreciating how he made her feel truly seen. “Thanks,” she said softly before joining him in looking back up at the stars.
She was tired. She hadn’t slept well since she had known about the date the article would be published. She had been anxious about everyone’s reaction. Laying here on this old picnic table beside Street was the first time she had felt at ease in a long time. She felt comfortable and safe beside him, beside her best friend.
Street glanced over at Chris and noticed that her eyes were slowly closing, she looked exhausted but calm, a ghost of a smile on her lips.
At this exact location a year ago, their friendship nearly ended because of a stupid, drunken kiss. Now not only had the friendship blossomed but they had steadily grown closer.
Today Molly in a way presented him with the choice of her or Chris. She didn’t say it literally but it was clear she was not secure enough in their relationship to be able to handle his friendship with Chris. When faced with that choice, he didn’t even have to think about it.
He chose Chris.
He would also choose Chris.
And maybe one day the distance between him and the pedestal he had placed Chris on wouldn’t be so vast. Maybe one day she would choose him as well, as he felt deep down she wanted to.
Looking up at the stars he realized that there was one thing he was never able to let go of when it came to the girl laying beside him.
Hope.