Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He was still in a state of shock by the time they arrived back at Deep Space Nine. He was grateful that, for once at least, he wasn’t the only one struggling to work out which parts of his memory were real and which were false. He was rather sick of feeling like he was going insane all on his own, and having others he could talk to and verify details with certainly helped keep his paranoia at bay.

He still couldn’t get the image out of his head, the sight of Garak slumped on the floor, struggling to breathe, saying a final goodbye. He’d only been half aware of it as Sisko had gripped his arm and dragged him away. He’d pushed the grief away and bolted it down somewhere deep inside him, but now…

Now, he was walking back to the quarters he’d been sharing with Garak, the bed they both slept in each night. He wasn’t sure if he could handle it.

Garak had expressed his concerns about Julian going on an away mission, but he hadn’t tried to stop Julian, choosing to trust his judgement that if he felt ready, he was ready. Standing outside the door to their quarters, Julian did not feel ready.

He took a deep breath, steadying his heart rate, and went in.

“Ah, welcome back, my dear,” Garak greeted joyfully. He was sitting on the couch, a bottle of kanar on the coffee table, and was looking thoughtfully over what appeared to be several design sketches.

“Please, join me, we can celebrate your safe return with a drink,” Garak motioned for Julian to sit beside him, not having looked up yet. When he finally did, his smile dropped.

Julian could only find it in himself to stand there, staring like he’d seen a ghost. (Well, he had watched Garak die, he supposed. This was rather like seeing a ghost, wasn’t it?) Julian opened his mouth, trying to find something he could say. He couldn’t think of much, how was he meant to even start? The simulation was classified, that had been made clear to him in the briefing before they disembarked the Defiant. What could he possibly say?

“… You’re real…” he whispered, prompting a bewildered and concerned look from Garak, who immediately rose to his feet and strode towards Julian, pulling him into an embrace.

Julian buried himself in Garak’s arms, taking in his scent, the feeling of his body, the familiar fabric, the familiar scales… Yes, he was real.

“Garak… I… can we… I…” Julian knew what he wanted to ask, but the words got stuck in his throat.

Their relationship (such as it was, another thing they both avoided ever addressing directly, dancing around terms that might suggest any real commitment) felt fragile at times, still marred by the wounds left behind by Sloan, by Tain, and by their own difficulty in navigating each other's boundaries and needs.

Still, Julian couldn’t shake the image of Garak’s corpse from his mind. He couldn’t ignore that the immediate thought he’d had was… That he’d never know. He would never feel Garak’s body pressed against him, pressed into his, he’d never get to experience it, and why did that make him so miserable?

They’d kissed, just once, before Garak had put a stop to it, and Julian didn’t regret that he had. Julian hadn’t been ready then, he’d just… He’d just needed to know that Garak still felt something for him. It had been a fragile, vulnerable moment… But Garak had understood, though he’d seemed disappointed at the time that he couldn’t follow through on it.

Julian wondered if that was all he was doing now, pushing himself into trying to progress their relationship, mingled with feelings of grief and lost time. He though back to the first time he’d slept with Sloan, and every regret that came with it.

He pulled back slightly, and looked into Garak’s eyes, that cold piercing blue that filled him with so much warmth. No, this was different.

“… Garak, I want you to take me to bed,” he said, “right now.”

In some respects, Julian felt a little proud at how startled he could make Garak look.

“… My dear, much in all as I would very much enjoy that, and I assure you, I would, I must confess that watching you cry like this is not terribly arousing for me, certainly not without some explanation for it, at least,” Garak said softly.

Julian sighed. Sometimes, he missed when Garak was far more reluctant to  have an honest discussions about feelings. He and Sloan had barely discussed a thing before jumping into bed together, but then, that was sort of the problem, wasn’t it?

He needed it to be different this time.

“I can’t tell you everything, alright? Some of it is… classified, for various reasons,” Julian explained, sitting at the foot of their shared bed next to Garak, their hands overlapped on top of the sheets.

“That’s to be expected, I suppose,” Garak said. “Still, if it’s got you this rattled, then I’d like you to tell me what you can, at least.”

Julian took a deep breath, deciding he needed to get it all out in one go, lest he lose his nerve.

“I… I watched you die. It wasn’t… It wasn’t really you, of course, obviously, but… I thought it was real, I thought… God, I held you while you died, I watched your eyes glaze over, I…” Julian stammered, tears welling up again as he recalled the imagery, the feeling of being pulled away from Garak’s still-warm corpse.

Garak leaned over to him, taking his hand off Julian’s and wrapping it instead around his shoulders, pulling him close into a hug.

“It’s okay, my dear, I’m perfectly alive, I’m right here,” Garak murmured.

“… I… I know this is going to sound really, really ridiculous and kind of awful, but…” Julian looked mortified, but steeled himself and spoke nonetheless.

“All I could think about was how I’d never gotten to have sex with you and now I would never know what that felt like and for some reason it… It was, God, it was so upsetting! Thinking that I would never know how you felt, that I would never get to feel you so close to me, and I know, I know, it’s insane and bizarre that I could watch you die and start thinking about sex of all things, but—“

“Julian, I think you might want to be more generous with how you interpret yourself,” Garak said, almost laughing. Julian scoffed and pouted, and then looked back at Garak, eyes full of hope.

“Oh, so how would you have interpreted me, then?” he asked.

“Well, perhaps you’re simply so obsessed with sex that it really is the only thing you care about at times,” Garak couldn’t have sounded more sarcastic if he tried, “or maybe, my dear Doctor, you were simply craving intimacy and affection and mourning that you might never have those again, at least from me.”

“… Well, when you put it like that… it does sound… a bit less like I’m a nymphomaniac, doesn’t it?”

“Oh, you’re absolutely still that, as I’m sure you’ll demonstrate for me someday, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t actual sentiments attached as well,” Garak grinned at him, before his expression softened suddenly.

“… I have to ask, are you sure you really want this, right now? I’m happy to oblige, but… If you feel fragile tonight, then perhaps—“

“No, I do want this, Garak, I’ve… You know I’ve wanted this for a while, I just… Hadn’t been able to ask, because… well, you know,” Julian mumbled, looking away.

“Believe me, my dear, I am more than aware,” Garak assured him.

“Are you still sure about this, my dear?” Garak asked gently, laying back on the bed, Julian straddling him, warm hands cupping Garak’s face as Julian peppered his neck ridges with kisses, Garak’s tunic and Julian’s uniform long since discarded.

“Yes, Garak, and while I appreciate your apparent commitment to my consent, I have to say that if you ask me that one more time, I’m going to change my mind and we can end this evening with both of us having to wank off in private instead, okay?”

“My apologies, Doctor, I had thought you Federation types were rather adamant about requiring enthusiastic consent, obvious exceptions notwithstanding,” Garak said.

Julian huffed a loud sigh, and pulled back, sitting upright and towering over Garak. For a moment, Garak looked as if he were wondering if that little quip had been a bit too far, but Julian felt amused more than anything.

“Yes, we do value consent, but if you have to ask me five times in succession if I’m still certain that I want this, I’m going to assume perhaps that you might not be,” Julian rolled his eyes, and his hips, as he spoke, smiling with far too much smug satisfaction as Garak hissed in obvious pleasure.

“You know, if you aren’t sure about this, I will, of course, respect that and stop, immediately,” Julian whispered, moving himself back to kissing at Garak’s neck.

“Don’t you dare,” Garak hissed. He ran his hands along the expanse of Julian’s back, arching his own as Julian bit down on one of the scaled ridges.

“Glad we’re on the same page then, now,” Julian lifted his head and grinned. “I have absolutely no idea what Cardassian genitalia looks like, nor at all how to pleasure it, so if you wouldn’t mind…”

Julian tugged Garak’s trousers down slightly, hesitating for just a moment before Garak’s hands joined his and tugged them further down his thighs.

“I’m going to need you to be as vivid as possible in what you want, my dear Garak,” Julian said, his dark eyes sparkling with joy, as Garak grinned back at him.

“Well, I would hate to leave you uninformed, Doctor,” Garak batted his eyes as he spoke and Julian laughed at how positively coquettish it was. God, he’d almost forgotten how much fun sex could be.

Julian traced his fingers along the inverted teardrop resting above what appeared to be a leaking slit below it. Garak hissed again, arching his hips.

“Ah, is this a sensitive spot?” Julian asked playfully, continuing to trace around it with his finger.

“Oh, not at all,” Garak hissed, and Julian was falling in love with that particular sound quite quickly indeed.

“Hm… Tell me, do Cardassians use their mouths during sex?” Julian asked, looking up at Garak’s face again.

“It’s, ah, certainly not unheard of,” Garak said, gasping when Julian accidentally scraped a fingernail into the centre of the teardrop. He tried it again, and watched as Garak bucked his hips, sounds of pleasure escaping him.

Julian grinned, imagining all the different ways he could learn to elicit those sounds from Garak. He leaned down, and licked gently at the teardrop, Garak’s hand flew up and threaded in his hair, then gripped tightly, and for a moment Julian forgot where he was, and panicked.

“Good boy,” Luther murmured, then immediately gripped Julian’s hair and yanked him forward, nearly bending him in half as his face was pressed against  the tip of Luther’s leaking cock. “Get it nice and wet for me so I can fuck you with it, then.”

The grip in his hair loosened, and Julian was perfectly happy to comply, opening his mouth and then gagging slightly as Luther pushed in before he was quite ready. He forced himself to relax and breathe through his nose as Luther exhibited a similar pace in fucking his throat as he had with his fingers before.

Julian felt a bit like he was being used as a fleshlight as Luther yanked his head by the hair, matching the thrusts of his hips into Julian’s mouth, drool leaking from the edges of it as Julian tried to keep up.

“Julian… Julian, are you alright?” Garak asked softly, his hand having moved to gently caress Julian’s arm. Julian came back to himself suddenly, staring at Garak, and felt his heart rate slow almost immediately.

“What…? Oh, oh, yes, I’m… I’m fine, sorry, I…” Julian mumbled, uncertain.

“You needn’t apologise, my dear, it’s alright,” Garak smiled as he spoke. “Perhaps this is too much for tonight, we can always—“

“No! No, I… I still want to, just… maybe… maybe…” Julian sighed, he was frustrated with himself for zoning out like that, but more to the point, he was annoyed he hadn’t realised he should have spoken to Garak about this sooner.

“Please don’t grab my hair, okay? Especially not… not when I’m using my mouth,” he said, “and… if it’s alright, I’d… I’d like to be on top of you tonight, if… if you don’t mind,” he looked away, uncomfortable that he was having to even ask.

“I assure you it makes no difference to me what position we’re in, but… Are you certain you really want to keep going?” Garak asked again.

“I won’t be offended if you’ve rethought your decision, and as you’ve already stated, we can always finish ourselves off in private, can’t we?” Through the obvious concern in his voice, came the lilt of humour as he suggested that he and Julian might have to just jerk off alone instead, and it brought Julian back to the present, allowing him to laugh.

“If I decide that I can’t do this tonight, I hope you’ll at least grant me the privilege of being able to watch you finish yourself off,” Julian said playfully, moving himself back up, and kissed Garak again.

“Mm, I’m usually more partial to being the watcher than being watched, you know,” Garak murmured against Julian’s mouth.

“Ah, in that case, perhaps we’ll just have to watch each other,” he laughed. Julian had almost forgotten that it was even allowed, to laugh together like this in the middle of exploring each others’ bodies.

Garak held true to his word, and as Julian slid back down and tried licking at that inverted teardrop again, he watched as Garak’s hand writhed and clung to the bedsheets, but made no move to grip Julian’s hair again. It was hard not to smile at that. He felt safe.

Julian moved lower, gently probing Garak’s leaking slit with his fingers first. The texture was lovely, he thought. Soft, pliable flesh, and quite a bit of heat to it. He moved his fingers slowly, tracing out the internal shape.

“Ah, oh, yes, that feels lovely, my dear,” Garak said, his breathing noticeably more ragged than before.

“Yes, it very much does,” Julian said, smirking and then laughing when Garak managed to simply roll his eyes in response.

“It feels like there’s a mound of flesh inside…” Julian mused, mostly to himself, as he continued moving his fingers about.

“Ah, that would be, oh, right there,” Garak gasped, losing track of his words. Julian’s fingers had probed beneath the mound of flesh, rubbing softly at the underside of it.

“That would be…?” Julian asked.

“The… the prUt… it’s… ah, something similar to your… You humans call them, ah, penises?” Garak bucked his hips as he spoke, fucking himself on Julian’s fingers, which suddenly stilled as Julian fought to contain laughter.

Garak made a slightly desperate whining noise, and then sat up slightly, wondering why Julian had stopped.

“Sorry, sorry, it’s just, we don’t normally call them that outside of clinical settings, at least, not in my experiences, so it…” Julian felt a little embarrassed that he’d actually giggled.

“Ah, so like hearing your lover quoting an anatomy textbook in the throes of passion, I assume?” Garak quirked an eye ridge, evidently finding this equally amusing.

“Well, sort of, it just caught me off guard, I suppose,” Julian resumed moving his fingers, and then added, “though if you were reciting an anatomy textbook to me, while naming whatever parts of me you were touching, I think I would find that very arousing, to tell you the truth.”

Garak laid back again, huffing out a small laugh. Julian didn’t think there was much Garak could do that he wouldn’t find arousing, in all honestly. He could chalk it up to a xenophilia kink, perhaps, it certainly felt as though it ran much deeper than that.

Not that he would deny the kink aspect if asked, of course.

Julian pulled his fingers out gently, looking at the substance now coating them. It was sticky, viscous, thicker than the fluids produced by his own cunt, and had a slightly odd colour to it, almost shimmering a translucent blue against the dim light. Without giving it much thought, Julian brought his finger to his mouth, and licked them, then began suckling on them.

His eyes met with Garak, who was watching intently, spreading his legs further apart almost by instinct alone. Julian smiled, and made sure to exaggerate his movements, and sounds, as he tasted the slick.

Garak groaned, and Julian’s eyes darted down, to where Garak’s prUt had everted. Julian practically giggled.

“Just from watching me? Wow,” he said, looking back at Garak, who huffed in mild indignation. “I’m flattered, Garak, really,” Julian’s grin was infuriatingly smug.

“Perhaps you could demonstrate some of that flattery in return, then?” Garak asked, trying his best to sound disaffected, even as his voice shifted to a hiss as Julian wrapped his hands around the alien appendage, curiously massaging it to explore the texture.

“Oh, I can happily return the favour, this… What a marvellous texture, it’s like a tongue!” Julian could, in all honesty, have almost forgotten he was in the middle of attempting to have sex, too enraptured with his fascination at Garak’s prUt.

“Oh, I can’t even imagine how good this would feel inside me… I’m surprised Quark doesn’t sell a whole line of Cardassian dildos, I mean, just looking at this—“

“My dear, might I please request we not mention certain Ferengi during these activities?”

Julian looked up at Garak, enough surprise on his face that he might have genuinely forgotten Garak was still there, even while he’d been actively massaging his prUt the whole time.

He thought back to the times that Sloan had gotten frustrated with him for becoming distracted or over-enthusiatic during sex, but the look on Garak’s face was one of fond amusement, perhaps mild exasperation, but there was nothing hostile in it whatsoever.

If anything, Garak looked like he found it endearing.

Julian flushed sheepishly and ducked his head, allowing himself to take comfort in the fondess on Garak’s face to keep him in the moment. He then very abruptly (and skillfully, if he was being honest with himself) slid the length into his mouth, taking as much as he could in one movement, until he found his nose resting flush against the same inverted teardrop he’d been licking earlier.

Garak hissed in pleasure, bucking his hips into Julian’s mouth, but Julian noted that Garak’s hands still clung to the bedsheet, clearly fighting the urge to touch his head. It made both a sense of warmth settle in his belly, and a damp heat bloom intensely a little lower.

Julian pulled his mouth off, leaving a trail of saliva and slick still connected to the prUt as he raised his head. He straightened his back, and finally pulled down his briefs, having gotten too distracted by exploring Garak’s body to remember he was still wearing them until then.

“Ah, do I finally get to explore the wonders of your Human anatomy now?” Garak was frustratingly coherent despite his obvious arousal, his eyes dark and neck ridges flushed a deep, dark tone.

“Well, honestly, I was feeling a tad impatient, actually, thought I might just fuck myself on you and see how fast I could make us both come,” Julian teased, pressing his cunt down perpendicular against Garak’s prUt and wriggling his hips, feeling the slick appendage sliding against his entrance.

“God, it really is like humping a tongue, oh, that’s incredible,” Julian’s enthusiasm was palpable, and he was definitely enjoying the way Garak was no longer even remotely coherent, hissing and groaning in pleasure at the friction, his hands coming to dig into Julian’s thighs as he moved.

Sloan had always moved as quickly as possible to penetration, never seeming to enjoy much of the buildup beforehand, but Garak…

Garak looked like he could come just from being rutted against like this.

Garak’s grip on his thighs tightened, claws digging into the soft flesh, and Julian couldn’t stop the moan that slipped from him at the slight tinge of pain, grounding him in the present moment of pleasure and driving comparisons to Sloan out of his mind entirely. His hips stuttered, and there was a sudden flood of liquid beneath him.

“Fuck, Garak,” Julian gasped, looking down and watching an impossibly large amount of ejaculation spilling from Garak’s prUt as Julian continued to rut against it.

“Is that, ah, do Cardassians always produce that much, or—“ Julian cut himself off with a whimpering noise, the amount of fluid leaking between their bodies causing him to slip, rubbing the tip of Garak’s prUt against his own cock, and Julian shuddered at the sudden burst of pleasure.

He sped his hips, aiming to hit his cock at the same angle, and felt tension coiling inside him as he did, suddenly bursting and making his body convulse as his own fluids mixed with Garak’s.

The way Garak’s face twisted in further euphoria as Julin convulsed and climaxed sent a wonderful warm feeling through him, right to his heart.

Julian collapsed on top of Garak, burying his face into Garak’s ridges. He could feel Garak’s heartbeat, a heavy rapid thrumming that slowed as they both breathed heavily against each other. Julian wanted to bask in this scent forever, the reminder that he was here now, no Sloan in sight, with a very much alive Garak, and that his world held balance again.

“… I forgot how much I missed this,” Julian mumbled into Garak’s scales.

“Pardon?” Garak enquired, and Julian laughed a little, realising belatedly that he’d said those words out loud.

“I… forgot how much fun… how enjoyable sex could be, I guess,” he explained.

“Ah.”

“I guess, I just… It used to be fun, it used to be this fun little endorphin release, something I could laugh about and…” Julian closed his eyes, breathing in Garak’s scent. Garak maneuvered them slightly, wrapping an arm around Julian, and stroking his back slowly.

“I kind of… forgot that I could have fun with it like this,” Julian said, making a motion that was intended to be a shrug but didn’t quite manage due to their position.

“Well, I’m glad I proved entertaining for you,” Garak replied, no small amount of fondness in his words. Julian just laughed again.

“You were a lot more than entertaining, I promise,” he said, and tilted his head up, pressing kisses against Garak’s jaw.

“We did somewhat miss the main event, so to speak, though, didn’t we…?” Garak mused.

“Not from where I was watching,” Julian said, “but… if you’d like to give this another shot, see if we can’t get to that ‘main event’ this time… I mean, I’m hardly going to object, am I?”

“Mm, I should have expected you’d be insatiable once I gave in,” Garak said fondly, “and I suppose you do owe me, having gotten to explore my anatomy without letting me any of the same privilege, you know.”

Julian smiled and nuzzled against Garak, humming in agreement.

And then he suddenly drew back, pouting.

“What do you mean ‘gave in’? You were just as desperate as I was!”

“I was far less forward about it, really, you, my dear, were utterly shameless!”

“… You really do want another round, don’t you?”

Julian broke into laughter again, kissing Garak furiously.

Chapter Text

He hadn’t been drunk, lightly buzzed at best maybe. He’d felt intoxicated in a different way entirely. The way Luther looked at him made his skin feel warm, blood rushing through him, making him feel bolder.

Luther had surprised him with a thoughtful romantic dinner, and honestly, Julian had never needed that much of an excuse to want to take someone to bed. He’d practically dragged Luther from the couch and over to the bed, kissing him furiously the entire way.

Luther had wound up switching them around, pushing Julian onto the bed, and Julian hadn’t been able to fight the urge to be playful, so when Luther had fallen on top of him, grinding their hips together as his tongue explored Julian’s mouth, Julian had rolled them back over, putting himself back on top.

Luther had flipped them back over almost immediately, and from the way he then gripped at Julian’s hips, before biting Julian’s neck and growling, Julian couldn’t really tell if Luther had enjoyed wrestling him or not. He’d have to ask about that later, he thought.

“Mm, Luther, wait, I think, I don’t think I’ve mentioned it before but—“

“I already know you don’t have a dick, Julian, or did you think I hadn’t noticed the lack of an erection?” Luther had laughed, yanking both trousers and briefs down Julian’s legs in one rough motion.

“Ah, well, one less thing to discuss then, excellent,” Julian smiled.

“Honestly, I’ve never thought of myself as being interested in men, really,” Luther said casually, releasing the grip on one of Julian’s hips and spreading the flesh around his cunt open, gently massaging two figures up and down around the edges of the soft flesh, as though he were committing it to memory.

“Well, I hope I’m not a disappointment as your first then,” Julian said, and if he looked back on it, he would wonder if he’d been choosing to ignore the double meaning in what Sloan had said, or if he’d just been too aroused to even register it at the time.

Luther pressed his thumb against Julian’s entrance, pressing the tip in slightly, and Julian felt the frown against his neck.

“Ah, you might, you’ll probably need some extra lubrication, I don’t… I don’t really get as wet as, well, you know,” Julian explained awkwardly, thinking that perhaps they should have had more of a conversation before diving in like this.

“Oh, no, I’m sure I can get you dripping for me soon,” Luther murmured. Julian couldn’t stop himself from laughing, causing Luther to push himself up and look fairly offended.

“Sorry, sorry, it’s just, it’s not really a matter of skill, is it? It’s a hormonal thing, so there’s just… I mean, it’s not you, is all,” Julian said, still smiling and hoping he hadn’t just hurt Luther’s feelings too badly. Laughing at your partner during sex wasn’t exactly a great way to do things, he thought.

“Well, you’ll at least let me try, won’t you?” Luther asked. Julian rolled his eyes.

“Sure, I mean, knock yourself out, I’m hardly going to complain about being pleasured for however long it takes to sate your ego, am I?” he’d laughed.

Luther had suddenly pulled back entirely, his hands no longer on Julian’s hips, or anywhere else. He looked away, seeming frustrated.

“… Sorry, I… I hadn’t meant—“

“You hadn’t meant to laugh at me about how impossible it would be for me to please you?” Luther asked, and if he hadn’t looked so hurt by it all, Julian would have assumed his pride was just making him angry.

“… That’s not at all what I said. I’m… I’m more than certain you can please me, believe me, and I’m very eager to find out, I promise, but… You just might need some extra lube for the job, that’s all! It’s not a big deal, it’s—“

Luther hadn’t let him finish talking, because suddenly he dove between Julian’s legs and started— well, Julian couldn’t really think of an apt term for it, beyond maybe “slurping”— at Julian’s cunt. Luther licked long stripes, nearly from Julian’s taint up to his swollen cock.

Julian went to bury a hand in Luther’s hair, only to have it smacked away. Julian pouted, but contented himself with wringing his hands in the bedsheets instead. Luther pulled back for a moment, then actually spat on Julian’s cunt, before burying his head again, smearing the spit with his tongue as he continued.

Frankly, Julian thought it was fantastic, and that he’d have to remember to request it specifically in future. He wriggled his hips against Luther’s face, feeling desperate from the tantalizing pleasure being lavished on him, despite Luther somewhat conspicuously avoiding his cock and not putting his tongue inside Julian.

“Luther, ah, please,” Julian begged, and felt the subtle vibrations of Luther laughing gently against his flesh.

Luther rose back to Julian and kissed him, while finally delving a finger into Julian’s cunt. Julian clenched around it, rocking his hips. Most of the saliva was on the outside, and he hadn’t been so dry that Luther couldn’t have simply fucked him in the first place. Perhaps not as wet as Luther was clearly expecting, but he could hardly have been described as dry.

Still, Julian wasn’t exactly about to complain that Luther had felt compelled to lick at him like that before proceeding, definitely not.

More fingers entered him, pumping in and out roughly, spreading him further. Luther’s pace was almost impatient, and Julian couldn’t help but agree. His skin felt hot, and the rapid pace of Luther’s finger fucking made him almost desperate to find out how roughly Luther might use his cock there too.

“You like this, don’t you?” Luther asked, “when I’m rough with you like this?” Julian had groaned in response, a half-formed yes being lost as Luther pushed his fingers in deeper, as deep as they’d go without Luther adding his thumb in and outright fisting Julian instead.

Julian arched his hips. He really, really wanted Luther to touch his cock right now. Instead, Luther practically ripped his fingers out of Julian, who whined in response to the sudden emptiness.

Julian opened his eyes and watched as Luther sat up, straddling him, and pulled his cock from his trousers without actually taking them off. He pushed the waistband down enough that Julian could at least also see his scrotum. He stroked himself a few times while Julian watched, transfixed.

“You want me to fuck you with this?” Luther asked, and Julian had to clamp down on the urge to laugh, not wanting to ruin the moment, but the answer to the question was so blindingly obvious that Julian found it absurd. He knew, though, what Luther was actually angling for.

“Yes, please, I want you to fuck me, I want your cock inside, I need it,” Julian begged, hoping he’d read Luther’s interests correctly.

Luther smiled at him, looking wonderfully smug, and Julian again, had to stop himself laughing at how transparent Luther was about his kinks. Julian would be the last person to make fun of him for that, but Julian was prone to laughing even at himself for his own tastes, so the instinctive reaction was a little hard to control.

“Good boy,” Luther murmured, then immediately gripped Julian’s hair and yanked him forward, nearly bending him in half as his face was pressed against  the tip of Luther’s leaking cock. “Get it nice and wet for me so I can fuck you with it, then.”

The grip in his hair loosened, and Julian was perfectly happy to comply, opening his mouth and then gagging slightly as Luther pushed in before he was quite ready. He forced himself to relax and breathe through his nose as Luther exhibited a similar pace in fucking his throat as he had with his fingers before.

Julian felt a bit like he was being used as a fleshlight as Luther yanked his head by the hair, matching the thrusts of his hips into Julian’s mouth, which had drool leaking from the edges of it as Julian tried to keep up.

He didn’t exactly dislike being used like this, he’d definitely done rougher play with more than a few of his partners, but there was something in this that… itched at him. It felt somehow off. Maybe it was just because they hadn’t talked about it before. Maybe it was because Luther was normally so affectionate and gentle, that this had just caught Julian by surprise, unexpected, but not unwelcome, surely.

He pushed those thoughts away, focusing on the drag of Luther’s cock along his tongue, and the lightheaded dizziness of being choked by the length. He didn’t need to overthink this, he just wanted to enjoy it.

Eventually, Luther pulled out, allowing Julian to catch his breath at last.

“God, it’s like you were made for this,” Luther mused. Julian smiled at him.

“I’ll be sure to add that as a glowing review of my services, shall I?” he laughed, voice hoarse. He then quickly stopped at the look on Luther’s face, somewhere between disappointment and annoyance.

“Ah, sorry, I…” Julian wasn’t sure what he should actually say, nor was he entirely sure what he’d done wrong. Luther clapped a hand on his shoulder and smiled again.

“Don’t worry, you’re about to make it up to me, aren’t you?” Luther laughed a little, and Julian relaxed again, allowing Luther to push him back down, before Luther then very roughly shoved himself inside, until his hips were pressed against Julian.

Julian winced a little. It felt a bit like getting the wind knocked out of him, but the pain was only mild, though Luther began thrusting immediately, giving Julian no time to adjust.

“Luther, ah, wait—“ Julian gasped out. The pace was uncomfortable, and Luther was hitting against his cervix with every thrust, which he was discovering quickly he really did not enjoy.

“You were meant for this, meant to be used, and fucked, and filled by me,” Luther groaned, unrelenting as his hips snapped roughly against Julian’s body.

“Slow- Slower, Luther, please,” Julian whined.

“I thought you said you liked it when I got rough with you, didn’t you?” Luther asked, reaching to grip Julian’s throat. He didn’t press down, just held his hand there, waiting for Julian to respond, still thrusting.

“I, ah, I do, just—“ Julian struggled to get the words out. He was still aroused, there were still sparks of pleasure despite the growing sense of discomfort and pain, but something felt wrong.

“Then just relax and let me take care of you,” Luther murmured, voice tinged with familiar affection as his hips slowed for just a moment. Julian breathed deeply, trying to calm himself, before Luther began moving again, at the same unforgiving pace, and Julian grit his teeth, closing his eyes and trying to handle it.

He didn’t need to hold out too long, at least, as Luther’s hips stuttered against him and he spilled inside Julian’s cunt before long. Julian actually felt himself relax at realising it was over.

Luther collapsed on top of him, and Julian made a grumbling noise, before he snaked a hand under Luther’s body to finally stimulate his neglected cock. He came only a few minutes later, cunt spasming around Luther’s softening cock. Luther made a noise in response, but otherwise didn’t move, content to lay on Julian now that he was done.

Julian rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless. He would have to make sure they discussed things like safewords and kinks more thoroughly for next time, but well, he’d had awkward first times with partners before, and this had hardly been his most unpleasant sexual encounter.

They’d work it out eventually, he’d thought.

Julian woke uncomfortably, feeling sticky fluids on his body, with arms wrapped around him, and for a moment, he couldn’t tell where he was, his body stilled the way it did when he’d been afraid of Sloan at night.

But the scaled claw gently holding his waist did not belong to Sloan. Julian turned his head and found that Garak was already awake, watching him with concern.

“I… I had a nightmare, I think,” Julian said. Garak hummed in response and gave a weak smile, and Julian supposed it was pretty obvious that had happened.

“I, of course, would be the last person to make you discuss such things, but… if you wanted to talk about it, I’d at least be willing to listen,” Garak said gently.

Julian gave a small laugh and then shook his head.

“No, I… I just wish I knew when it would stop, that’s all,” he looked away.

“I’m afraid I don’t know that myself,” Garak replied, “… but if mine ever stop, I’ll let you know, and perhaps we can work it out together, somehow.”

Julian turned his gaze back on Garak immediately.

“… Oh, of course, you’d… you’re also…” Julian sighed, feeling tears starting to build inside him again. He closed his eyes and nuzzled in closer to Garak, focusing on the heartbeat beneath the scaled chest.

“… I’m happy to listen if you ever want to talk too, you know,” Julian mumbled. Garak pressed a soft kiss against Julian’s neck.

“Unfortunately, my dear, there are some things I’d really rather take to my grave.”

Julian wondered about that. He knew, rationally, that Garak had to have done grotesque things. He knew he was never going to know everything about Garak, whatever horrors he had truly inflicted on others…

“… If Sloan had said that me, it would have been an attempt to frighten me,” Julian’s voice was barely audible. Garak’s arm around him tightened, but from the way he suckled at Julian’s neck, it was clear he understood that Julian wasn’t implying Garak was attempting the same.

“I’m sorry for waking you like this,” Julian whispered.

Julian felt something empty echo inside him. He trusted Garak, and he knew Garak cared for him deeply, but… He also knew that Garak would never truly trust him. There would always be parts of Garak that were kept hidden from him. He thought of his own secrets, the things he still refused to admit, the threats that still hung over him.

For a moment, Julian felt as though everything they refused to let the other see only contributed to how easy it was to understand each other. He could never compare his life to the one lived by Garak, whatever kind of life it had truly been, but just for a moment, he felt they were almost kindred spirits.

“… I… I have some things I’d rather take to my grave too, you know,” he said eventually, hoping Garak would understand what he was trying to convey.

Garak was silent for a long while. When he finally spoke, his voice was a quiet, wistful murmur.

“… I’m… very sorry to hear that. … But, thank you.”