Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was 3 in the morning and Aurisela was in complete agony. 

In her defense, she didn’t mean to stay up this long. She just needed a distraction, anything would do, even running laps around campus in freezing weather. She took sharp, quick breaths of the cool nightime air as she fought to regain her breath. 

It didn’t matter how far she ran or for how long because she couldn't run from her own memories. The very second she stopped running, even if only for a second, it all came rushing back to the forefront of her mind, the one place it could not be. 

She’d had to stop herself from having a full on breakdown when she saw Relio today. He looked bad, even worse than usual when he went to see their mother for “resistance training”. He was trembling from head to toe and Auristela could feel the burn marks on his forearms as if they were her own. 

She hated it. She hated it. She hated it so much it took everything in her and more to keep her hate concealed behind a perfectly constructed mask. And even then, her hate spilled from the edges of her chest cavity and onto those who mostly didn’t deserve it. 

“If you don't heal what hurt you, you'll bleed on people who didn't cut you.” 

The saying echoed through the walls of her mind often when she was younger, when there was still love for the world and belief in the good of people in her. It was always something she held herself to, back when she tried not to let her hate get the better of her. 

But the saying had done nothing for her. It didn’t make Relio’s pain go away. It didn’t stop their mother from hurting him. It didn’t make their father stand up for his only son. So it was useless to her. 

She hated it. She hated everyone. 

She hated her mother, for harming her brother.

 She hated the temple priests, who heard his echoing screams nearly every day when they were kids but kept their heads down. 

She hated her father, who knew what was happening even before Auristela did, but never offered anything more than empty comfort. 

She hated the Jades, for their easy lifes far away from the pain and expectations she and Relio had to face everyday. 

She hated the mortals, for being so weak and useless that they had to give their lives and freedom to protect them. 

She hated the Golds, how their society condoned the torment they pushed upon their children. 

She hated herself, for being unable to do anything about it. She hated sitting on the bathroom floor of his dorm atleast once a week to tend to her injured brothers arms. She hated being unable to steady her hands enough to properly wrap bandages around them. She hated crying everytime it happend even when Relio stopped. 

She hated the world, and evey cursed thing it had brought upon her twin. 

So she ran. She ran like her life depended on it, cherishing the way a delicious ache that blossomed in her lungs grew in her chest when she pushed her body to hard. The way she made herself nauseous with exhaustion and dizzy with pain. It made her thoughts go away, if only for a bit, shut off her brain if only for a moment.

Once the throbbing in her head subsided for long enough that she could stand upright, she began to run again. She figured since it was so late already she might aswell run until classes started, what’s a little more pain right now in comparison to going back to her room and dealing with such a tide of self-loathing she couldn’t get out of bed? 

While she was running, her brain dimly registered a light source not far ahead of her. What it did not register though, was the archery targets. 

A sharp pain that ran across the bridge of her nose shocked her out of headspace. She staggered and took few instinctive steps backwards as she tetntivaely put her her pointer and middle finger to the bridge of her nose. When she withdrew them there was blood stained across them. 

Her mind was blurry at the edges from a lack of sleep, her thughts slow and unhurried from her exhaustion like mud swirling in a bog. She merely stood there as she watched her blood fill the grooves of her fingerpints, numbly observing as gold dripped from her fingers. 

Auristela was only half aware that someone was touching her, and when her body finally registered a calloused hand on her shoulder, warm from actvieness and gentle with concern she gave into the urge to lean into it, if only slightly. 

This seemed to alarm the person though, and the rising panic in their voice made Auristela flinch away and rub her temple with her palms, trying to clear her head. 

“S    t   e      l  a   .   .  . ?”   

The voice was familiar, she realized, but it sounded like it was coming from underwater. Or perhaps she was the one underwater and the voice was from the surface, trying to pull her up. It felt like it. Like a fish caught in a fisherman’s sharp hook, she could feel herself being reigned in.

“S   t   e  l    a . . a   r   e    y   o  u  o k a y? ” 

Her senses began to return to her, and everything seemed to fall back into place, like puzzle pieces being fit together, though she still couldn’t figure out the picture it was supposed to make. 

Her fingers were practically numb from cold, and she could feel the familiar person’s hands guiding her to sit somewhere. She could feel what was probably a blanket being wrapped around her shoulders and fingers brushing stray hairs from her face. She could smell sweat and sandalwood, and the air seemed to have gotten quite a few degrees warmer where she was at. 

She took a deep breath and once her body deemed her safe, she promptly passed out. 

________________________________________________

She woke up sometime later. Wether it had been a few seconds or a couple hours, she couldn’t tell. Her head spun when she brought it upwards, bright colors dashed across her field of vision as she attempted to regain her eyesight. 

She was on a mat. A training mat. A stolen training mat. It must be, because wherever she was, she wasn’t in a gym. That, atleast, Auristela was aware of. She rubbed her eyes as she sat up, feeling something warm and soft cascade off her shoulders. A blanket. Pale beige in color and obviously well loved if the frayed edges were any indication. Auristela rubbed the fabric inbetween her fingers, for such a thin thing, it kept her much warmer than any blanket she’d had special ordered. 

As her conscious returned to her, so did her common sense. She evaluated her surroundings whilst trying to remember why she was here in the first place. The room was dimly lit, only a single lantern was present in the room she was in. Whoever was here, they did not want to be seen.

Which made her being here all the more confusing.  

She reconized the style of her surroundings, paper sliding doors leading to the outside and a flood made with bamboo wood. She was in a Minka styled building with shoji designed doors, which atuomattically meant she was somewhere offshoot of the West Wiing. Only the West Wing of the Academy had Minka styled buildings, as the arututechture of the Academy had evolved into a more Western style. The remaining buildings were purely for memorial purposes, so it was not visited often and was scarcely decorated. It also ment Auristela had ran much father than she thought. 

Attempting to stand proved to be an awful idea, her legs were still half asleep and Auristela only just managed to stop herself falling. She froze when she heard a soft thwup and made her way to the sliding door, cautious as to keep her footsteps light and without sound. A few more thwup’s were made as she carefully gripped the door, pressing her fingers against the cool wooden handle. She winced when the door rubbed against the floor, making a conspicuous sound that thankfully didn’t seem to reach the ears of whomever was behind it. 

She registered her shoulders first. Thick with muscle and tanned to a shade of Sienna brown, Umber freckles trickled down to her forearms, which were only visible in the summer and spring. A oak arrow was plucked from the quiver attached to her back, displacing an espresso colored braid, it was flicked back over her shoulder with annoyance as the arrow was fit into the string of the bow. 

Arrow notched, she drew her arm back, pulling it with four fingers in an intense focus. She held onto it for a moment, as if in attempt to make herself even stiller than she already was before releasing the arrow from its hold. It made another thwup sound as the arrow penetrated the straw boss, going right through the bullseye. 

Niya huffed in irritation a she began to draw another arrow, as if her perfect shot did nothing to please her. It was a confusing sight for Auristela to witness and for less than a moment she felt a rush of emmarasment, as if she’d seen something private. She shook it off as she contemplated Niya’s emotions, for as someone who took joy in even the dullest of tasks, seeing her so unaffected by what should have been an accomplishment made something uneasy twist in her stomach. 

Curiosity burned within Auristela as she continued to watch Niya’s archery practice, Niya’s aim wasn’t perfect, of course, but it was good enough to best most of their classmates, herself exempted. 

Niya seemed to only grow more frustrated with each imperfect hit. If it didn’t exactly hit the bullseye, she huffed as if the arrow was deliberately missing it’s mark. And even when it did hit a bullseye, she merely grabbed another arrow without taking a moment of pride. Everything about what Auristela was seeing was unsettling, when Niya was failing at something and made even the slightest amount of progress, she’d celebrate it as if she’d won a medal. That Niya decidedly not present. 

Auristela scanned the open area where Niya had chosen to practice, there were broken arrows littered in the grass, but only a few. A nearby wooden table supported a collection of various items, including a simple ivory bow, a white drawstring backpack with a worn sparrow keychain attached to it,  a few arrow shafts, a singular cream and white feather, and a bloodied arrowhead resting on a brown cloth. 

Oh. 

Oh. 

The arrowhead. 

A jolt of realization ran through her body like electricity as she connected the dots. That’s why she’s here. Auristela must have gotten nicked by one of those arrows while running, and in one way or another it lead to her passing out here. Niya must have thought it was her fault, which explained her unusually stony expression. 

Her brain also decided at that very moment to supply her with a memory from last week, Auristela remembered vaguely an instructor lecturing Niya on her poor aim, and how she couldn’t continue to rely solely on close range weapons like she’d been doing. If Auristela knew how much it would’ve gotten to Niya, she probably wouldn’t have immediately grabbed a bow an arrow to shoot a bullseye on the target Niya was failing to get a hit on, smilling smugly as she turned her back on Niya’s furious expression. 

Something like guilt found it’s way up Auristela’s throat, making her warm with shame at her childish antics. She shoved it down, thinking about how she was probably apart of the reason Niya was sacrificing sleep to pratice brought up complicated feelings. One’s she wasn’t ready to face yet. Deep down, she knew it was herself that drove the wedge between them, it was her own fault that her and Niya always seemed to be at eachother’s necks, but she couldn’t help it. 

Niya was just such an easy person to hate. 

Auristela contemplated shutting the door and finding another way out, but somthing soft and vulnerable tugged on her from somewhere deep, begging her stay. She took a deep breath and a tentative step out the door and amost immediately harvest gold eyes locked onto her. Auristela felt Niya soaking the sight of her up akin to a sponge in a bucket of water, like the just the sight of her was making her fuller. 

“You’re alright.” Niya essentially breathed the words, as if she was scared speaking any louder would shatter Auristela. Which, to her credit, was not wholly incorrect. Being the sole focus on Niya’s attention always felt overpowering, it left Auristela feeling little more that an insect being pinned to a frame. Usually, Aurstela pushed back with a glare, shoving every malicious feeling to the front, in a useless hope it would cause her to back off, or atleast show a little respect. 

But Niya never showed any fear of Auristela, or caution, for that matter. Instead, she was mostly angry with her these days, which Auristela found suited her needs quite well. It was better for both of them this way. 

She couldn’t stand to go back to the time when Niya looked at her like she was everything. 

“Did you think a little arrow was going to make me drop dead? You wish.” Auristela sneered, but in her state it came out flat and pathetic. Frustration flickered in Niya’s gaze, but there was a little hurt there too, with the slightest tace of grief. It made Auristela wish she never learned how to read even further into Niya’s already open expressions. She chose to ignore it. 

“If you’d looked where you were going, maybe you’d actually have seen the arrow instead of getting hit and passing out of me!” Niya puffed her chest in indignation, but they both knew there was no heat behind it. There hardly ever was. She’d have to push harder. 

“Perhaps if you hadn’t had such lousy aim, you wouldn’t have hit me.” She arranged her face into a condesending smile.  “You really are awful, even a Jade would know how to shoot better than you”

Almost instantly, Niya’s features twisted into a snarl, and Auristela knew she’d hit her mark. Comparing her to the Jades was a soft spot, and one she used to her advantage as much as possible. Auristela’s plain dislike of Jades had always been a source of grief for Niya, esspecially since she was friends with a particularly annoying one. 

“Not everybody is as perfect as Lumbre’s precious daughter” Niya snapped in anger, and Auristela reeled like she’d been sucker punched. So they were both aiming low today, huh. Auristela knew she deserved it after bringing Teo into it, but implication she was anything like her mother still hurt like nothing else. 

Niya also looked shocked, like she too couldn’t believe she’d said that. Regret showed openly in her features and Auristela wanted to revel in it. She wanted to wait for Niya’s apology and give her own, and then melt into Niya’s arms and forget the rest. She wanted to tell her she didn’t mean to be a nuisance, and that she was grateful that Niya looked after her, and that she was happy Niya still cared for her. 

“I’m sorry Auristela, I didnt mea-” Niya began, but Auristela cut her off, the use of her full name slicing a wound deeper than she expected. Suddenly she needed to leave right this very moment.

“I’m leaving.” Was all she offered as a response before snatching her phone from the floor next to the mat she’d been sleeping on and pretty much bolting past Niya, walking fast and confidently so she might seem like she knew where she was going. 

She couldn’t keep thinking about what she’d lost and how it was all her fault or she’d collapse and never be able to get back up again. 

Chapter Text

Niya watched as Auristela strode away like she knew where she was going. It irked her, not because of her pompous attitude, - she knew what lay underneath it- but mostly because Niya knew she was going the wrong way. She gripped the bow tightly until it felt like it might break, then with a sigh she turned to pack up her stuff. There was no longer any point in practicing after what happened tonight, not when Niya knew she no longer had any motivation to. She was good enough, she supposed. 

The memory of tonight still burned clearly in her mind. The overwhelming worry when Auristela leaned into her touch with glazed eyes, Niya had only just gotten her to sit down before she passed out. Niya knew Auristela well, too well, even for her own good. 

She knew Auristela’s habits and methods of self harm like she knew her own favorite sweets, except candy never made her as sick as seeing the look of Auristela’s face when she pushed herself beyond what she could handle. She’d been running in cold weather again, a habit Niya had foolishly thought she’d broken when they were together. 

But she supposed she never really knew Auristela like she thought she did. 

She shoved the feelings away as she picked up the last two things still needed to be put away. A feather from Teo, signifying her as one of his flock. Niya felt warm and fuzzy when she twirled it in her fingers, a feeling swept through her like she was lighter than the breeze that rocked calmly beneath her feet. Teo had chosen her, she was family to him now. She longed to tell Teo about Aristela, but she made a promise. 

Opposite to the feather, which seemed to radiate affection and familiarity, the arrowhead seemed to bore into Niya menacingly, not unlike the person it had nicked. For a reason unbeknownst to her, she folded the cloth it was around over it and placed it into her bag where It settled heavily. Even though Niya knew it was lighter than most of the stuff in there, the cloth seemed to have an invisible weight to it that made the bag droop down to her lower back. 

The feather was placed into its handcrafted leather pouch and placed around her neck, so it could be close to her heart, Niya was never as fond of semantics as Auristela after all. The lantern, in its globe-like form was blown out and tossed into a waste bin near Sonder Hall. It was about 4:30 in the morning and all hopes of sleeping for even an hour were dashed when she approached Sanctimony Hall, where her dorm was. 

Lines of students stood stiffly in rows in front of their dorm buildings, emotions ranging from nervousness to apathy as a drill was being conducted. Or the beginning of one, anyways. Niya groaned internally and dragged her feet towards her hall. If there was a drill in process, it meant one of her Paragons already noticed her absence from her room. Niya grit her teeth and prayed she could at least slip in from the back and fein an unwarranted snack break or something and get off with a lighter sentence. 

Niya felt a rush of sympathy for Auristela, who was also probably in the same situation before remembering she was a Paragon. Lucky her. She tried to tamp down her feelings of bitterness and hurt whilst also trying to find a way into her group of hallmates when she felt a hand press firmly into her left shoulder. Every muscle in Niya’s body tensed.

Fuck . 

“Out for some late night practice, little earthshaker?” Niya turned to face the voice with disbelief, and she let herself smile

“Maybe just a little, you know I can’t help myself” Neva chuckled softly at Niya and she knew she was saved. Neva was one of the 3 Paragon’s of Sanctimony Hall, and Niya’s personal favorite. 

The frosty semidiosa was dressed lightly as usual, her light blue uniform shining brightly in the dawning sun. Neva wore her simple half body suit, only accentuated by a white scarf with a light blue tint and a gold star pin, illuminating her status as a Paragon. Neva was a child of Invierno, as anyone could see from a mile away. All of her hair was a silky white, everything from her eyelashes to the long waves that rolled off her back, set nicely like freshly fallen snow. Piercingly blue eyes observed Niya calmly as she rolled her shoulders and yawned, as if nothing in the world bothered her. Her skin was almost pale as paper, with strikingly blue snowflakes markings on her hips and arms, going all the way up to her neck. 

“I’ll take our stuff for you before you get caught by by flameface ” Neva rolled her eyes and reached her hand out in an offering that Niya greatly appreciated. She passed her items to Neva who kept her ivory bow and silver quiver, accompanied by oak arrows that glowed white when she used them. The rest she cradled in her arms as she stalked off in the direction of their hall. 

Niya hurried to join her hallmates, who all politely ignored her late appearance. See, this is what she loved about Sanctimony hall and her hallmates, the bond they shared, even in its simplest forms was “watch my back and i’ll watch yours”. She found her place in line just in time for the drill to start, relief flooding her whole body with how lucky she’d gotten. 

Neva had offered her archery stuff and even her own practice location to help Niya, who she knew was struggling. On top of that, She pulled herself out of bed on time to lend Niya a helping hand to not get caught by one the less chill Paragon’s (Flameface in particular) and nobody ratted her out for showing up late. Tired as she was, this was one of the better mornings. 

Until, of course, it wasn’t. 

Brasa was in a sour mood as always, dry heat sucked all the moisture in the air around them as she watched them go through their reps. Polar opposite and older cousin to Neva, Brasa was a child of Verano and by far the worst Paragon of Sanctimony Hall. 

When Niya was younger, Brasa had been firm, but not unkind. She had quite a morbid sense of humor and a sharp smile, flinty red eyes always intense. Olive skin shone in the sun, with a heavy dusting of coal black freckles layered on her shoulders and neck in a way that made it look like she’d just been cleaning a chimney, though she’d punt anyone bold enough to point it out. 

Niya couldn’t pretend she didn’t know why the ever heated Brasa went stone cold, she knew why. Brasa was a year older than Niya, and two older than Neva, meaning this would be her last year at the Academy. Brasa had always worked her absolute hardest at everything, even more so than Niya, and it was just last year she was finally made a Paragon. 

The problem? Neva also became a Paragon that same year, with two whole years less experience and half the effort Brasa put in. Since then, it seemed she never stopped fuming, one of the main reasons Neva was rarely ever present for drills like she was today. Using her Paragonal status to shirk her duties. Neva wasn’t fond of drama, and unlike Brasa, she seemed to hold no anger for her cousin besides her nickname.

Today Brasa pulled their hall through yet another desert drill, in which everyone was put into a “disaster scenario” where they must run through an obstacle course in a sandstorm whilst also guiding civilians to safety. By the time the drill was over, Niya was drenched in sweat and heavily dehydrated. Panting, she slid down the wall of the nearest building while chugging down a Purify water bottle. 

“Tough drill, huh?” Marino wheezed as he approached, sighing as he plopped down next to Niya. “If I never saw another grain of sand in my life, it would still be too soon” 

Niya tossed him a water bottle from her bag, and instead of drinking it, Marino poured the water on his head. Niya watched, fascinated, at how quickly Marino’s skin absorbed the water; it reminded Niya of the time their advanced Marine Biology class had an axolotl as a class pet, and she learned that axolotls absorb water through their skin as well as their mouths. 

Niya had joked to Marino that he must be half alxolotl, to which he very seriously told her he was. To this day Niya wasn’t entirely sure if he was being genuine or not. 

The first morning bell rang in the distance and Niya mournfully dragged herself upright before offering a hand to help Marino up as well. The latter took it gratefully and staggered onto hid feet. 

“Nice seeing you around,” Marino grinned, water still dripping from his chin “If you’re free, come sit with me and Dezi during break”

“That would be nice, I’ll see you at the Ivory cafeteria?” Niya tilted her head, she usually chilled in the Quartz cafeteria, but most of her classmates preferred Ivory. 

“Of course, we’ll be by the mess hall,”  Marino nodded in agreement. He waved goodbye as he turned and Niya waved back before heading in the direction of the main locker rooms. Marino had a free 1st period, Niya wasn’t so lucky. 

Magic studies wasn’t an especially hard class, but it was definitely one of the longest. The Gold Academy wasn’t like other schools, teachers could have their classes solely outside or in a cavern or even a mountain peak if they chose. Now that she was considered an upperclassmen, her teachers and her classes began to shift from standard to unique. For Ecology their teacher held her classes in a meadow, and in Earth Science they were almost always in some sort of museum. 

As she walked into MS though, she had no idea what to expect, the class looked different every time she walked into it. 

The classroom today was bland and perfectly square shaped, painted in hues of light greys and dark purples, with hints of cobalt and maroon. Metal and wood desks lined in cramped rows were the only things in the center of the class, the creaking sound of steps on the wood floor and the screech of metal chairs being pulled were the only sounds. 

She resisted an annoyed sigh as the substitute declared a seating chart, throwing her bag over her shoulder and retreating to the back wall of the class. Leaning on the wall, Niya ignored the golden trio chattering a few paces off.

Auristela looked mildly displaced, her eyes swaying in and out of focus throughout their conversation. Ocelo loudly complained about the seating chart without noticing it, but Aurelio kept shooting worried glances at his sister. Niya’s own concern for the fire semidosa caused her to miss whatever the sub was saying, she was sure it was nothing important anyways. 

“Niya of Tierra?” The sub asked, scanning the row of students. Niya hadn’t caught her name.

“Present” She responded, nodding respectfully. 

The sub fixed her spectacles before pointing at Niya’s assigned seat, tapping it with her peach colored nails. Niya slid into her seat, complimenting the color before the sub could scuttle away. 

She smiled sweetly at her, and for the rest of role call she seemed a little more confident. 

Niya stretched in her seat, cracking her back and raising her arms over her head. At least she’d gotten a good seat, right next to the window and in front. She tucked herself inwards when a boy slid into the seat behind him and handed him one of her expertly crafted homemade pencils when she noticed him panicking over his pencil case. 

He grinned at her and they spent the next twenty minutes working on their entrance and exit ticket together. They chatted and laughed and shared their notes, Niya felt herself relaxing more and more as the class time passed. His name was Io, and Niya found herself wondering why she never bothered getting to know her other classmates when this one was so nice. 

She didn’t even notice her shoulder partner until the first part of class ended and they began starting on their business projects. She damn nearly startled out of her seat when ruby red eyes met her own.

“Have you finally decided to stop yammering and get started?” Auristela demanded, sounding awfully impatient for someone who had no right in Niya business. 

“I don’t see why me talking to Io is bothering you, we aren’t even disturbing anyone” Niya shot back. Already she was tired of this. 

“You must really be brain-dead today” Auristela deadpanned “Can’t you use that head of yours for something useful?”

Niya hated fighting with Auristela, more than anything. Which was unfortunate, because that’s all they ever seemed to be doing these days. She wanted to be angrier, more annoyed, but mostly she was just hurt. It made her ache every time she found herself in a pointless argument that got them absolutely nowhere.

“Can we…not do this today?” Her voice practically came out as a whisper. “I don’t want to fight you Auristela, I never do. You know that.”

Auristale stiffened, face screwed up the way it always was when she was caught off guard. She had expected a blow in return. She didn’t get one. 

“I- Well-” Auristela stammered, tripping over her words. 

“Yes, Stela?” Niya used her gentlest voice because she wasn’t the same person she was to Auristela all those months ago. She could no longer rub her fingers over her knuckles, could not offer any comfort or affection. 

But she could be patient. She could be kind. All she had was her words now, and they would have to do. 

Auristela sighed and gave the illusion of relaxing, though Niya could practically feel the tension from her spot at her desk. She looked at Niya, really looked at her this time, their eyes interlocking for a fraction of a second before both of them broke. 

“Did you really not hear Mrs. Clara?” Auristela questioned, decidedly no longer looking at her. 

“I heard her call my name during role?” Niya responded sheepishly. Auristela turned to her with an exasperated look, it was familiar and she felt her chest tighten a little bit. If she looked hard enough, perhaps she could delude herself into finding a speck of affection beneath Auristela’s expression. 

Auristela squinted at her like she was trying to figure out if Niya was being genuine or not. She put on what she hoped was an utterly sincere look, tilting her head a little as if it would help her case.

“We’re partners for this next project” Auristela said softly as she placed a small wooden box on Niya’s desk.

Oh. 

Oh this would not go well at all.