Archive of Our Own ^beta

Buck came back from a visit with Maddie frowning mightily. Eddie watched from the corner of his eye as Buck almost stomped down the hall to their room, moved around in there, then came out still frowning and bundled up in his favorite sweatshirt.

That, even more than the frown and the heavy steps, sent off a little alarm bell in Eddie's head.

He dumped the meat into the pan and washed up his hands, turning for Buck. Buck was leaning against the counter nearby, not looking at him or saying anything. His arms were crossed so he could stuff his hands up the opposite sleeves, shoulders a bit hunched. Everything about his posture told Eddie that something was wrong, and Buck was as likely to want to talk about it as to ignore it.

"Hey," Eddie said, easy and casual. He wrapped his arms around Buck's waist and tugged them close, pressing a kiss to the corner of Buck's mouth. "Bad day?"

Buck grunted. Then, after several long seconds and a heavy sigh, he slumped his weight against Eddie gently. His forehead tucked in against Eddie's neck. Eddie wasted no time nosing into Buck's hair.

"Maddie invited our parents to visit. They'll be here by the end of the week apparently."

It was Wednesday.

Eddie scowled. "Why the hell would she do that?"

Sighing again, this time with less weight, Buck nosed Eddie's neck. "She said she wanted the baby to have a, like, normal family." He waited a moment, then added, "I said she should have gotten knocked up by a guy that had one then. She didn't appreciate it."

Eddie snorted. "Which part - the calling your family abnormal or the insult to Chim?"

Buck finally pulled back, frowning in thought. "You know… probably the Chim one but it might be both."

He looked a little easier, the tension in his face loosened. But there were still lines in the corners of his eyes, his eyes dim. The halfhearted attempt at a smile he gave Eddie ached.

"I just… don't get why she wants them around. Or involved. But, I told her I'd be there. It's always been us against them."

Eddie hummed a short note, not wanting to agree and not wanting to say anything bad about Buck's sister. He knew she was trying and had been doing better - about the curse, about accepting not all werewolf packs would treat her and Buck the same as their dad's had.

But then she went and sprung on Buck that their parents were visiting on her invitation and -

"We can tell Abuela tomorrow."

Buck frowned, head tilting. "What? Why?"

Eddie frowned for a moment too. "Because your parents are visiting?"

"They're not a threat to the pack," Buck said. He almost sounded hurt, or defensive. "Dad's not affiliated with any pack and Mom's been retired since I was, like, in seventh grade."

Eddie blinked. "They spent your whole life calling you something insulting and horrible, telling you that you weren't a 'wolf, and that you were always disappointing. The fuck they're not a threat."

"But not to the-"

"You are pack, Buck. If they're a danger to your wellbeing than they're a danger to the pack."

Buck sighed, shoulders slumping a bit. "The pack looks out for their - our own," he recited.

Eddie smiled grimly. "Exactly." Then, to lighten the mood up a bit, he added, "Abuela might also want to distract Marisol with some errand so she doesn't get any bright ideas to meet your folks."

"Oh god," Buck snorted. "Just what we'd all need."

"Would be funny to watch though," Eddie said.

Buck just rolled his eyes, but he also leaned in to peck Eddie's lips before moving towards the stove and turning on the heat under the meat. "So, what're we making?"

Chimney dropped onto the sofa next to Eddie, scowling.

"Hey," Eddie said slowly, brows raising.

"Buck tell you the news?"

"Yeah, yesterday. Gave Abuela a heads up this morning before we came in."

"They're going to have dinner, at least once, at our place. It's going to be a disaster, I just know it."

Eddie didn't think Chimney was wrong. Neither of the Buckley siblings would admit it, probably, but the farther along Maddie's pregnancy went, the more protective of each other they'd gotten. It was a bit hilarious, kinda adorable, and very much expected to Eddie. With their dad's pack rejecting them, they'd been a little pack of their own growing up - and now, reunited and grown and away from all who had hurt them before, those bonds had only strengthened. With both their protective instincts on high, it was far too likely one of them would get set off, likely in defense of the other.

"My advice? Don't bring up the curse that isn't."

Chim made a disparaging noise. "Maddie still believes it's a real thing. Swears by it, I can't convince her otherwise."

Buck brought it up less - it had been a month since he said anything Eddie had heard, and even that had been in passing and a joke - but Eddie knew that that didn't mean Buck was convinced it wasn't real. He knew it would be all to easy for something to be said or done and for Buck to fall right back into the depths of resignation and fear it had him in before.

Frankly, that was what Eddie worried most about. He wanted to believe that Buck would be confident and self asssured enough to withstand any references his parents made to the so-called curse, but… he worried.

"Yeah, well, if Maddie and Buck are so stubborn about it, it's probably cause their folks were worse."

"You'd think a hunter would know better," Chim said, disparaging.

"Hunters don't know or understand as much as they think they do, if you ask me."

"Definitely don't suggest that around my mom," Buck said, coming around the couch and dropping into the armchair. He had a bowl of Bobby's homemade chex mix that he settled on his lap. "She hated when I argued about any of that Hunter rhetoric with her. I mean, she hates anyone arguing with her in general, but that stuff always made her even more annoyed than usual."

Eddie and Chim exchanged glances.

"Really not helping any nerves I might be feeling about meeting your parents," Chinney said, only somewhat joking.

Buck shrugged, tossing a handful of mix into his mouth. He looked thoughtful while chewing before offering, "You probably won't want to let them know most people don't call you Howard."

Chim made a face and twitched, which almost made Eddie laugh except he could relate to the reaction to the full name.

"But Maddie-"

"Yeah, no, that's like. Her legal name, not a nickname or anything." Buck shrugged. "Probably would be best you call me Evan too." His nose scrunched up a little as he said it.

Maddie, Eddie knew, used Evan sometimes - mostly now she called him Buck. No one else used Evan, ever.

"Do you want him to call you Evan?" Eddie asked skeptically.

Of course Buck just shrugged. He ate more chex mix, then realized that Eddie and Chim both were waiting for more of an answer than that.

"It's fine," he said, which still wasn't an actual answer. "It'll cause less problems if you just use Evan around my parents. It won't bother me."

Eddie didn't full believe him, but let it go. Chimney hummed, but gave a slight nod.

"What else can you give me?" he asked. "Your dad's not part of a pack, right? And your mom is - retired?"

"Yeah, she got injured on a hunt when I was in middle school and Dad convinced her to retire after that. They fought about it a lot at first, so probably don't bring that up either."

"I feel like I should start a list."

Buck gave Chim another smile - a little grim, a lot commiserating. "Just… take Maddie's lead. She's always been better at handling and understanding them than me. And hey, worst comes to worst, they'll just blame anything that goes wrong on me."

Chimney immediately frowned, even as Eddie couldn't help but let out a short growl. "That - no." Buck opened his mouth, but before he could say anything Chimney repeated, "No. Look, I love your sister, and I want this visit to go well, but you are my friend - have been longer than I've known Maddie. I'm not going to just - just sit back and let them hurl baseless blame at you."

"It wouldn't be baseless. To them," Buck said quietly. "It'd be-"

"Yeah, yeah." Chim made a rough, scoffing noise. "Doesn't matter. And I don't think your sister would want me to just let your parents blame you if I did something to upset them."

Buck shook his head, but seemed to recognize it wasn't an argument he was going to win.

Eddie wrangled back the urge to grab Buck and scent him, squeeze the back of his neck until Buck went loose and trusting against him. He'd talk to Chim; he'd get a heads-up on when that dinner was going to be, so he'd be ready for the aftermath.

It was only a few days later that Buck said he'd be at Maddie's for the day, preparing for dinner with their parents who were only arriving that evening. Eddie didn't like it - the tension Buck was trying to hide or the brave face he was putting on. But Buck wasn't budging on it, and Eddie didn't want to push so much it drove Buck into pulling away. Abuela had told him to trust Buck, and Marisol had told him to give Buck the chance to trust the pack to be there for him, so all he did was kiss Buck goodbye before he left that morning, and keep himself busy for the rest of the day.

It took a call from Pepa and Vic dropping by to visit to realize he was being checked on and fretted over by the pack as much as Buck. When he called Vic out on it, the man only shrugged, getting up to rinse his cup out in the sink.

"You've been wound up tighter than a cheap watch since Buck told you his parents were visiting. And I get it - they sound like real pieces of work, from all I've heard about them, from what we've seen of Buck. Can't say I'd be any better in your place." He rolled his eyes as he leaned back against the counter, arms folding. "I have a bad enough time keeping my tongue in check around Val as it is when she gets Mari all twisted up over something."

"Still keeping an eye on me," Eddie said.

"Offering you some support," Vic countered. "Ain't gonna make me upset if you need to vent about these folks of Buck's. Or about Buck letting them close to him." He gave Eddie a knowing look. "Can't be easy wanting to keep him safe and letting him go off and put himself in potentail harm's way."

Eddie flexed his jaw. "Our job - I watch Buck do dangerous shit all the time. Put himself in harm's way again and again for others. Do shit more threatening than spend a couple hours with a couple who have never appreciated him like they should." He breathed in deeply. "This shouldn't make me want to hide him in our room and bar the doors against any intruders."

"The job's physical." Vic shrugged, like it was obvious. "This isn't about physical hurts, this is about them hurting Buck where it's a lot harder to heal. It's letting him go into a situation that was pretty much what hurt him over and over again, that he's still healing from. Shit man, you think Mari and I haven't wanted to hide him away, too? She joked about telling him she needed his help with the wedding and going out of town, and I don't think she was joking as much as she'd have us believe."

"Buck would be delighted to help." Eddie couldn't help smiling. "What would she even say she wanted his help with?"

Vic muttered under his breath, something just too quiet to make out clearly but full of annoyance. Probably something to do with Val, then. Eddie knew that Valerie pulling away after her husband's death had put a wedge between her and most of the pack, and between her and Marisol. But it seemed like things were only getting worse, since Marisol dropped out of college and got engaged to Vic in the same year.

"I bet even Val couldn't full resist Buck's charm," Eddie offered.

Snorting, Vic smiled wryly. "Yeah, until he sided with Marisol about something to do with the wedding."

"Still time to elope."

"Tempting." Vic shook his head though, smiling with fondness. "Nah. At this point Mari's going to have this wedding just out of spite."

"My money's still on elopement."

It made Vic laugh, and Eddie grinned. He was still worried about Buck, still stressed and tense, but it was good to have a packmate at hand to talk about other things with.

He picked Chris up from school, and they went to the library for him to check out some books for a school report he had to do on an assigned animal. Chris had gotten a barn owl, which he seemed pretty excited about already (telling Eddie he was glad he hadn't gotten something boring like a squirrel or a mouse). Then it was back home, and getting Chris to do his other homework, not just read about barn owls all afternoon. Then it was dinner, and Eddie didn't think he'd be any good to focus on that because he already had half his mind wondering about Buck and how that dinner was going. So he ordered pizza, much to Chris' delight.

They were most of the way through their pieces of pizza when Eddie's phone buzzed. He pulled it out quickly, frowning when it was a text from Chimney with just the grimacing emoji. There was nothing from Buck, no calls or texts. Eddie barely bit back the urge to text Buck or Chim asking for more details.

About an hour later, Buck walked through the door, shoulders slumped until he spotted Eddie and Chris in the living room, curled up on the couch. Chris was in his pajamas, pretty much ready for bed, but like a sucker Eddie had been convinced to let Chris stay in the living room to read his book before bed - and then let him keep reading past the usual half-hour he got.

"Hey, thought you'd be asleep by now," Buck said, a grin and easiness in his voice Eddie almost couldn't tell was forced.

"I wanted to wait for you to get home," Chris said, closing his book and getting up. He came to hug Buck, nuzzling into his side.

Buck shot Eddie a look, a bit helpless and a lot that overwhelmed kind of awed delight he got when it came to Chris. Eddie smiled at him as he got to his feet as well, coming over and clapping a hand to Buck's shoulder and ruffling Chris' hair.

"And now he's home, and it's more than time for bed, pup."

Chris sighed heavily and rolled his eyes but didn't protest being hustled down the hall and tucked into bed. Eddie went to turn out the lights in the living room and check the doors and locks, while Buck slipped into the bedroom to change out of his clothes. He was already in bed when Eddie got there, just wiggling down into a comfortable spot. Eddie turned out the light, checked his alarm was set, and plugged in his phone before joining him.

"So?"

Buck was quiet, before turning to face him, one arm curled up under his head. "It uh. Was okay? I guess? Albert called me Buck, my folks made a comment about it. Turns out Maddie mentioned I've been, like, learning pack stuff from yours; they asked about it."

"Hm."

"They wanted to know why. I just - I kinda lied," he whispered. "I told them it was to be a better firefighter and coworker, and know more for the baby."

"You don't owe them any explanation you don't want to give."

"Yeah." Buck sighed. "They want to do another dinner after the next shift Chim and I have."

"Another dinner?" Eddie frowned, reaching out to curl an arm around Buck's shoulders.

"Mhm." Buck shifted, leaning more against him. His head turned just enough so he could nose briefly at Eddie's neck, and Eddie tilted his head so Buck could fit better, twisting his chin to also brush over the top of Buck's head, scenting him back. Buck sighed, breath warm. "They were really harping on Maddie, but like, subtly. High risk pregnancy this, waiting so long that. Brought up Doug a couple times." He snorted. "Apparently they went to therapy - said they had things to 'work on' between them about Maddie's relationship with him."

"Seriously?" Eddie pulled back to peer at Buck, who just shifted enough to give Eddie a look that screamed 'tell me about it'. "Well, you played nicer with them than I would in that situation."

"It's why I gotta go to the next dinner," Buck offered after a moment, when he was settled against Eddie's side again. "United front - Maddie and I promised each other."

"Well, if you need a distraction, I'd recommend reading up on barn owls," Eddie offered. "Chris has to do a report on them that's due in two weeks. We already got three books from the library, but you're our online research guru so I figured you'd be the one that can help him find two more reputable online sources."

"Barn owls are so cool man," Buck responded, shifting so he was propped up on an elbow to grin at Eddie. "Did you know their ears aren't symmetrical, so they can hear even better? Aside from the great horned owl, they're the most common owl you'd see in California."

"You and Chris can compare notes tomorrow morning," he said, smiling. He tugged Buck back down. "For now - sleep."

Buck hummed, nuzzled into Eddie's shoulder, and yawned. "Yeah, alright. Night, Eddie."

"Night sweetheart." Eddie kissed the top of his head, closing his eyes. For now, Buck was safe and sound with him, and nothing would hurt him with Eddie there to protect him.

Eddie was glad that the whole Stan thing hadn't gone worse. That Chim had been able to distract him, that he'd been able to knock the guy out. That the guy had been trying to get Buck's attention had set Eddie on edge, and Chim had been acting odd about it which made Eddie want to corner him and question him.

Chimney was surprisingly good at avoiding people when he wanted to be.

The rest of the shift was calm - a few calls, nothing with major injuries thankfully. Nothing as dangerous as a bomb threat.

Eddie scented Buck a bit more than usual before letting him head out for the next dinner, which Buck took with tolerance and laughter. But his hands lingered on Eddie's shoulders, in his hair, and his eyes crinkled at the corners in the way they did when he was really happy. Buck was still stressed but seemed less worried than last time.

A couple hours later - what should have only been partway through the dinner at Maddie's - there was a text from Buck stating he needed some space for the night and was going to stay at his loft.

Frowning, Eddie got up from his seat at the couch where he and Chris were watching a movie and headed for his room to call him.

"Hey." Buck sounded exhausted, voice muted and heavy.

"Hey," Eddie echoed after swallowing thickly. "You - uh, obviously you're not okay. But…"

Just quiet for a moment before Buck said, "Yeah. Yeah, I just - I'm honestly just about to get into the shower and go straight to bed. I'll… I don't want to talk about it. Not now. I'll tell you tomorrow?"

"Whenever you're ready," Eddie said immediately. "I just, you know, wanted to check in. Talk to you for a bit."

"Worrywart." Buck sounded fond, so Eddie didn't take it personally. And it wasn't like Buck was wrong, precisely.

"If you change your mind, just let yourself in," Eddie said, even as he wondered if it was too much.

He preferred Buck in their home, in his arms. But Buck hadn't brought up the moving in or the courting since Eddie had blurted it out like an idiot (Pepa had swatted the back of his head while Marisol laughed herself sick at him, the brat), so if Buck wanted - needed - to have his own space to retreat to, then Eddie would give it to him. Just so long as Buck didn't pull away, didn't hide from Eddie in some damned attempt to spare him.

Just so long as it wasn't about the supposed curse.

Eddie would be patient.

Well. He'd try.

"Sure." Buck sounded almost distracted, distant. Eddie swallowed a whine that lodged tight in his throat. "I'll see you tomorrow at work."

"Okay." Eddie breathed in deeply. "Try to get some sleep, really."

"Course. You too. And tell Chris good night for me."

"Yeah, I will."

Whatever the Buckley parents had said or done, they'd better hope that they didn't come around Eddie any time soon. He might just give in to the temptation to teach them the meaning of fucking with pack.

Eddie got to the station before Buck, but not before Chimney, who immediately approached him and asked after how Buck was.

Giving him a hard look, Eddie said, "First of all, you should ask him yourself." He shut his locker, almost slamming the door. "Second of all, I don't really know, since he decided to stay at the loft last night instead of come home." He watched as Chimney winced, then looked towards the bay doors worriedly.

"He didn't say anything else?"

"Not about what happened." Eddie crossed his arms. "You know, you've been acting shifty since that first dinner." When Chim froze and his eyes went a bit wide, Eddie added, "Something you wanna share?"

"No, nope. Nothing to share here. No big secrets or - or anything like that. Who would tell me a secret? I'm terrible with secrets."

Eddie raised a brow.

"I really - I should not say. Hen doesn't want to know, you probably - okay, you probably do want to know, because it's Buck and you definitely would want to know this but Buck doesn't know and I really shouldn't know and-"

"And who told you this secret Buck should but doesn't know?"

"…Maddie," Chim mumbled, looking away, around the room, anywhere but at Eddie.

"Oh really."

"Oh, hey, Buckaroo, how-"

"No." Buck marched past them to his locker, not looking up. His movements were sharp, his muscles tense, and he was scowling. "Not in the mood."

"Right. I'm just gonna-" Chimney jerked his thumb over his shoulder and bolted.

Eddie waited, watching as Buck changed into workout gear, grabbed his phone but didn't answer it as it buzzed with a call, and headed straight out without another word. Eddie only detoured long enough to fetch a bottle of water, then went to find Buck working at the bag in the gym. He waited for a good fifteen minutes while Buck warmed up, hits getting harder and harder.

"Two dinners!" Buck finally snarled. "Two dinners, and I am twelve years old again." He gave an extra hard hit to the bag, before swinging away from it, taking a few steps before snapping around to face Eddie. "And now I have to plan an awkward apology."

"For what?"

"I fucked up. They were going on about our dangerous jobs, and me being in the hospital, and never 'giving up hope' on Maddie and I fucking snapped." He went back to the bag, punching again with every few words he spoke. "I called them out on cutting her off after she married Doug. I told them they gave up on both of us." He stopped, sighing and shaking his head. "I almost walked away but I just - I couldn't stop myself. I told them if they think my job is dangerous they're wrong because I've walked through fire my whole life cause of them and the curse."

Eddie tensed. Buck hit the bag once more before he stepped away again, looking at Eddie. With pain, with resignation, with a lost look that made Eddie hurt deep in his chest. "I've spent my whole life not just feeling like a disappointment but being told I was, and that it was inveitable. Until you." Buck's voice broke. "I told them the real reason I've been learning about pack stuff is because you're the first person to believe I have a place with one, that I'm worth the effort, curse or not."

"You are."

"My mom said she didn't know what I expected them to do."

"Fuck her."

"She basically blamed Maddie and I for not being easy."

"Kids aren't easy." Eddie reached out, catching Buck's arm and pulling him close, pressing their foreheads together despite the sweat on Buck's brow. "Fuck her. You don't have shit to apologize for, okay? You had every right to call them out, to tell them how they made you feel."

Buck's phone started buzzing and Buck's shoulders slumped, eyes shutting.

"Maddie?" Eddie guessed.

"Yeah. She's worried about me."

"Cause she loves you. And frankly, I get it - I'm worried about you too." He cupped the back of Buck's neck when that made him tense again. "You're in pain, and your parents were pieces of shit the other night. We care about you - me, Maddie, Chim, the whole squad, our pack. I'm not going to make you talk to her, but it might help you both."

Buck made a face and grumbled about how he didn't want to talk, pulling away to kick at the bag.

Eddie sighed, stepping back to lean against the column again, and waited out the rest of Buck's workout.

It was a tense shift, with Buck withdrawn and unwilling to talk to anymore more than he had to, Chimney acting guilty, and everyone not sure how to fix things. Eddie snuck into Buck's bunk during the night, despite it hardly having room for one of them let along both. Buck didn't say anything, but he buried his face against Eddie's neck and held him tightly, and it was enough. It had to be, for the time being.

"I told Maddie I'd meet with her this afternoon," Buck said as they were walking to the cars after shift. "You were right. I know she loves me and maybe it'll help to talk. I think I owe at least her an apology, blowing up at our parents and then leaving her to deal with that aftermath."

"She's the one that invited them," Eddie muttered. "But an apology to her makes more sense than one to your parents, so."

Buck chuckled, pulling him into a hug and then kissing him briefly. "I'll be home in time for dinner."

"Good, cause it's your turn to cook."

"Yeah, yeah." Buck walked backwards to his jeep. "Carla said the grocery delivery already arrived, so I'm all set."

Eddie rolled his eyes, grinning, and set off for home. Carla already had Chris settled at the table with his homework, Eddie's laptop opened up to one of the various websites Buck had found for the barn owl report, writing notes carefully in his notebook. Eddie thanked Carla for getting the coffee pot started with a half-pot before she left, and after making sure Chris was good for a bit went to shower.

He did some chores, keeping half an eye on Chris to be sure he didn't try to play any games on the laptop instead of his homework, reminding him to do his math homework that was due tomorrow and not just his animal research report.

It was nearing evening, and Buck wasn't back yet. Eddie checked his phone, frowning when he didn't have any missed messages from Buck but did have one from Maddie a couple hours ago, though.

Let me know when Buck gets back.

He's not with you still?

Maddie called him not even a minute later.

"I - I told him something, he was upset-" Maddie sounded upset, but that mattered a lot less to Eddie than the fact that Buck was upset and who knew where. "He's not there?"

"No. I'll go check the loft, I'll let you know."

He hung up without waiting for an answer, going for his room and changing out of his sweats into jeans. He texted Marisol with one hand, asking her to come watch Chris for him.

"Dad?"

He paused a moment, pocketed his phone once he got Mari's response that she was on her way, and looked up to Chris in the doorway. Chris was frowning, biting his lip worriedly.

"What's wrong?"

"Maddie doesn't know where Buck is," Eddie said after a moment. "He was upset when he left, so she's real worried about him."

"You're gonna find him?"

"Course I am."

"And bring him home?"

"If he'll let me." Eddie got up and went to pull Chris into a hug, running his fingers through his hair. "Mari's gonna come keep an eye on you while I'm looking, okay? If I'm not home yet, I'll call you around your bedtime and let you know what's going on."

"Okay." Chris had his trying-to-be-brave voice on, his face pinched with worry but eyes full of faith that Eddie could fix whatever was wrong.

God he loved his kid.

He got Chris back to the table and his homework, though he figured Chris wasn't going to be able to focus much on it now. He went to put his shoes on next to the front door and-

Breathing deeply, frowning, Eddie set his shoe down and opened the front door.

Buck was sitting on the porch steps, unmoving. Eddie glanced inside, checking Chris wasn't paying attention before stepping out and shutting the door.

"Buck? Sweetheart, what-"

As he came closer, around to Buck's side, he realized Buck was crying silently. Had to have been for a while, cheeks wet and eyes and nose red. His eyes were blank, vacant as they stared ahead, and he didn't respond or react to Eddie. Not until Eddie crouched down next to him and touched his shoulder.

Buck startled, breath hitching as he twitched away. His eyes were wide for a moment, until he seemed to realize it was Eddie there. Then his entire expression crumpled and he lurched forward, burying himself against Eddie's chest with a choked noise.

Eddie fell back on his ass, wrapping his arms tight around Buck and making soothing sounds, nuzzling into his hair and scenting him almost frantically. Buck smelled of salt, of misery, and Eddie hated it.

He didn't even think to text Marisol that she didn't need to come over, didn't think about how long he was sitting there holding a distressed Buck, until suddenly she was there, crouching down next to them on the steps with worry creasing her face. She set a hand lightly on Buck's back, and Eddie almost bared his teeth when Buck shied from it further into Eddie.

"Let's get inside, yeah?" she said softly, sounding calmer than she looked. Buck finally pulled back a bit, peering at her. He sniffed once, sharply, then nodded and let Eddie help him to his feet. Vic opened the door for them, and Marisol went ahead - hustling Chris into the living room, doing her best to distract him from the sight of Buck and Eddie as they stumbled down the hall to the bedroom. Eddie got Buck on the bed, removed his shoes. Vic brought a damp washcloth and handed it over, before slipping out of the room and shutting the door.

Vaguely, Eddie could hear Vic asking if Chris was down to go get some McDonalds. Eddie trusted that Marisol and Vic would be sure Chris got fed, probably bring back some food for Buck and Eddie too. He focused on Buck.

"Hey, sweetheart, hey," Eddie murmured, brushing Buck's cheeks with the warm washcloth. Buck avoided his gaze, but didn't pull away.

"Can you tell me what's wrong? Are you hurt physically?"

A long moment passed before Buck gave a single, slow shake of his head.

"Okay good. That's good. Did you come here straight from Maddie's?"

A nod.

"Alright." He'd been sitting out there for at least an hour, Eddie thought. Why hadn't he come in?

That was probably a question better left for later, when Buck wasn't so… so raw.

"She texted me asking if you were here. Said she told you something?"

Buck just blinked at him, lower jaw trembling. The tears that had slowed welled again, spilling over his cheeks. Eddie wiped them away.

"You don't gotta tell me." He leaned forward and kissed Buck's forehead. "Not until you're ready to. You wanna shower?"

Buck shook his head. He finally moved more, reaching out slowly to curl his fingers into Eddie's shirt and gripping tight. He didn't pull at it, didn't do anything else - just held on.

"Wanna lay down for a bit?"

Buck didn't reply beyond scooting back, and Eddie followed him. They curled up on top of the covers, Buck pressing into him and taking some deep, shuddering breaths. Eddie held him as tightly as he dared, scenting him some more.

"I've got you. I'm right here, sweetheart, not going anywhere."

They stayed there, even after Mari and Vic came back with Chris. Eddie listened with half an ear as they ate, then put Chris to bed. His phone buzzed a few minutes before they left, and the house fell into the kind of quiet stillness that came at night.

"You up to see what Mari left us to eat?"

Buck didn't move, but after a minute he sighed. "Not hungry," he croaked.

"Still should eat."

Sighing, Buck reluctantly sat up. He looked - rough. Drained, dull. Almost distant, like he wasn't fully there in some way. Eddie got up and came around to Buck's side of the bed, taking his hand and pressing his lips to the back of it.

"C'mon," he encouraged.

They went to the kitchen, Eddie checking his phone and seeing Marisol say they'd left some burgers in the fridge for them, and to let her know if they needed anything else.

After reheating the food, they sat on the couch and ate silently. Buck had that vacant look back, ate like it was just on rote.

He didn't speak until they were back in the bedroom, this time in pajamas and under the covers. He didn't look at Eddie, but Buck was curled against his side, one arm wrapped around Eddie and head resting on his shoulder.

"They had me for parts."

"What?"

"I had a brother." His voice broke. "He got lukemia. None of them were a match for a bone marrow transplant so they… they made one, with me. Except it, uh, didn't work."

"Buck." Eddie wasn't sure what to say to that, so he just held him tighter.

"They never wanted me, not really. And then I - I failed for the single reason they did. No wonder they said I'm cursed to be a disappointment. I was from the very start."

"Buck, no, the-"

"Maddie didn't tell me much about him, just - that he was seven when he died. A year after I was born. I - I was supposed to save him but was cursed, and-"

"That is not on you," Eddie said fiercely. "None of that is your fault."

"Isn't it? I was made for parts and I ended up being defective."

"Bullshit. You don't know why it didn't work, you can't know if it had anything to do with you. Cursed or not, Buck - you're not the one to blame for your brother dying. I'll say it as much as you need me to until you believe it but you're not at fault."

"What if I am though?" Buck was crying again. "What if, if I hadn't been cursed, it'd have worked? What if Daniel had lived? What if-"

"The what-if's will kill you, sweetheart, you gotta… you gotta trust me. Please. If nothing else, just trust me that you're not to blame for any of that. Not for your brother, not for your parents being shit, not for Maddie keeping this from you for so long. This is not your fault."

"I feel like I killed-"

"You didn't."

Buck's breath hitched, so Eddie said it again, and again, holding tight to Buck the whole time.

It was a long night.