Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Beca was tired of not being able to sleep. She sat up, sighing in frustration and stared out of the window at the now familiar LA skyline from her bed. Funny, considering the fact that she had only been here for 2 weeks. 

She lay down again and pulled the covers over her head and tried to sleep. Nope not working. 

She dropped the blanket and grabbed a pillow, hugging it to her chest. Nope, not working either. 

Then her therapist’s words (yes she had a therapist) played in her head, “It’s not that you don’t want to sleep, you are subconsciously afraid to sleep”. WOW EMMA. Maybe she is right. When was the last time I slept well? But the moment she realised it, her stomach dropped.

NOPE I AM NOT GOING THERE. Too late. The memories came crashing down from behind that locked gate.

Suddenly the bed felt so empty. So big. And so so so cold. 

So different from that tiny pullout couch in a city miles from here. It was so small and so damn crowded. 

But it was so so warm.

She always woke up with red hair in her face, a little spoon against her chest, the smell of cinnamon and the sounds of two people's quiet breathing.

Now there was no warm presence next to her.

Now in her arms there was only a cold pillow.

Now the scent of the lavender air freshener was overwhelming. 

Now apart from her own breathing, all was silent. And the silence was drowning her. 

She was drowning. Without her Chloe. When was Chloe ever mine anyways?

So maybe Beca was afraid of sleeping. 

Sleeping alone.

Sleeping without Chloe beside her. 

She told herself she wouldn’t cry about her. Well, that wasn’t happening anymore. 

I thought I could forget her. I thought it would be easy.

She made no attempt to stop her tears, nor to wipe her tears. She continued to hug that pillow for dear life, like it was her anchor in this world, like it was Chloe.

Finally when she ran out of tears, exhaustion pulled her under. 

Chapter Text

2 months later. 

Beca had thrown herself into work and she was so busy that she didn’t have time to THINK about anything else. She didn’t go home, instead sleeping on the couch in her office. Someone went to her house and got her a bunch of clothes. (Theo did that. He got tired of seeing her in the same clothes for like a week.) Well, it was a pretty effective plan to avoid everything that reminded Beca of her. 

That is until Theo actually started getting worried about Beca. 

“Beca, this needs to stop.” He said when he saw her in the lunchroom eating her salad. 

“Mmhm… Wait, what are you talking about?” Beca said through a mouthful of greens while looking at her phone.

“You know, basically living…” 

“Shit, sorry, one of my artists just arrived. Catch you later.” She dashed off, her phone in one hand, and the other holding 3 cherry tomatoes, which she stuffed into her mouth while sprinting. 

Theo sighed. And then took out his phone and sent a text to someone. 

5 hours later. 

Theo stood outside Beca’s recording studio, watching as the red light above the door turned grey. He knocked on the door. No one responded. He waited a few moments, then grabbed the silver knob and pushed open the door. 

“Beca,” he said as he peered into the dark studio. He spotted a dark figure hunched over a computer, the huge monitors in front of her illuminating her face and her headphones blasting so loudly he could actually clearly hear it 2 meters away. 

He trudged over and tapped Beca on the shoulder. She jumped and tensed, but when she swiveled her chair around and saw him, she relaxed. After clicking on some stuff on her computer, she took off her headphones. “Did you even knock?” She said grumpily. He just gestured to the headphones around her neck. She rolled her eyes. “I need to get a loud bell or something. What did you want to talk about just now?”

“You need a vacation. You’re off for a week.” 

“I need a what? No I don’t.” She looked at him incredulously. 

“I’m serious Beca. You’re practically living in your studio right now. It’s not healthy for you or your mental health. You need a BREAK.” 

“But I have artists…”

Theo cut her off. “They’ve been transferred to other producers temporarily.” 

“WHAT? You can’t do that!”  

“I can’t but Khaled can.” He smirked.

Beca glared at him. “I can’t believe you sold me out Turtle Man. I am LITERALLY your boss.” 

“Well, Khaled is YOUR boss.” He shot back. 

“UGH. But you can’t stop me from working on MY album.” 

“Actually I can. Your computer should lock in about an hour. Which, in case you didn’t know, is NORMAL working hours.” If looks could kill, Theo would have probably definitely dropped dead right then and there. 

“FINE. Whatever. I’ll go home LATER.” Beca turned back to her computer and put her headphones back on.

Theo didn’t move. 

Beca exasperatedly turned back around. “Why are you still here?” 

“I’m supposed to escort you down to the car.” 

“Firstly, I have an hour left. Secondly, why is there a car? Lastly, why the fuck do I need to be escorted?” She huffed. 

“Firstly, Khaled thought you needed a break immediately, so he got a car to send you home. Secondly, he means IMMEDIATELY. Lastly, you’re basically a child.”

Yep, Theo would be deep fried by Beca’s glare. 

“Fine. You win Turtle Man.” She rolled her eyes. He’s such a god damn idiot.

After being unceremoniously stuffed into the car, she flipped Theo off as the car drove away from the studio.

Now that she wasn’t working, her inner monologue wasn’t preoccupied anymore. 

As she stared out of the window at the huge buildings passing by, a thought popped up in her head. 

Chloe would have loved to see this.

OH MY GOD SHUT UP YOU STUPID VOICE IN MY HEAD. 

Beca took out her earbuds, shoving them into her ears and plugging it into her phone. She didn’t even see what playlist she picked. She was just desperate to drown out that voice. 

MOTHERFU- OF COURSE. Beca thought as she heard the opening bars of Titanium. Of course of ALL PLAYLISTS she picked Chloe’s. The one with all the mixes she made, the one she was going to give her as a celebration for ending the USO tour. But well, that happened. 

She quickly switched playlists, not wanting to be reminded of her any longer. 

Beca focused on the music for the rest of the journey home.

“AH-CHOO!” Beca sneezed as she opened the door to her apartment. The apartment that the label gave her was in a good location but it was pretty big for one person. It was also currently pretty dusty. 

“Well, fuck.” She said as she walked into the dark living room. No one had been here for about a month and a half. (She washed her clothes at a laundromat.) She went to check her fridge. Thankfully it was empty of any perishable food. Thank god the person who came to get my clothes had predicted that I wouldn’t come back for a while. Maybe it was Theo. Whatever. 

She opened all the windows to air out the place. It got considerably brighter and cooler. Beca dropped her bag on the couch and went to take a shower. 

But the shower reminded her of someone, so she was in and out pretty fast.

She quickly (and very briefly) dusted everything before trying to figure out something for dinner. Beca was too tired to go downstairs to buy some fresh food and groceries so she had to make use of whatever she had now. She had to go through the whole kitchen because she kind of forgot what she had stocked up. It was really troublesome because for some reason she put all the canned stuff on the top shelves, where it was juuuust out of reach, even when she stood on her tiptoes. Seriously? What was I thinking?

She dragged a chair over from the dining table and when she stood on it, the first thing she saw was a box of mac and cheese. The exact brand that they ate back in the Bellas house. And who was the one usually making it? Chloe. Nope. No. Nah. What the heck is the universe trying to do right now?

Beca tossed it into the trash. 

She gave up and just ordered some pizza. While waiting, she dusted the place more thoroughly, closed the windows and collected every single thing that reminded her of Chloe into a box. 

Barden green hoodie? Into the box. 

Any Barden yellow cup? Into the box.

Post-its that she kept from Chloe? Into the box.

Photos with her? Into the box.

She was on a clearing rampage. But she did keep all the Bellas photos on the walls. The box got shoved into the very back of Beca’s walk-in closet.

By the time she was done, the pizza arrived. She grabbed it from outside her door and sat on the couch to watch Netflix.

When she logged into her account, she realised all the shows were Chloe’s favourites. She froze. Then quickly scrolled down to some random horror movie. Something Chloe would never ever watch. She let out a breath and started eating her pepperoni pizza. 

But it felt so wrong. 

To be watching a movie without anyone beside her. 

To have no whispering around her. 

To have no one cuddled next to her.

To be alone. 

Sure, she liked to be alone. It was pretty rare in the Bellas house. The only time she could really be alone was when everyone was out for class. Or a party. But she was rarely alone like nowm Not in the Bellas house. Not in the tiny apartment in New York. Not on the USO tour. 

Beca’s mind wandered back to the USO tour, when that happened. 

It was just after her first solo performance, where she performed Freedom 90’.

She was talking to DJ Khaled, but even he could see she was antsy.  She was literally hopping from one foot to the other.

“It’s okay man. I’ll find you.” He laughed.

Beca breathed a sigh of relief and immediately dashed off in the direction she last saw her. 

She saw Chloe’s red hair flashing in the bright spotlights as she rounded a corner. Beca brightened up and chased after her, turning at the wall. 

“Chl-” What Beca saw rocked her to her very core. 

Her knees felt like they were about to fail her, so she leaned against a pillar behind her. She instinctively crossed her arms. It was a habit. It provided a sort of comfort, like a warm hug. Because her insides were freezing up. Like ice. But she couldn’t draw her eyes away, no matter how much her chest was hurting. Every second she watched, it felt like her heart was being stabbed. Over and over again.

“Look, you were grea-” Beca didn’t even notice Theo had appeared. 

“Oh. That’s nice.” She turned to look at him, and he looked at her. 

Then she saw him leaning in. And she thought: NOPE. This is not happening.

So she turned back to that and pretended that she didn’t see him trying the exact same thing. From the corner of her eye she saw him awkwardly scratching his neck. Ah I should probably make this less awkward and weird. 

“So you work for me now?” 

“Oh yeah, you’re the boss.” He quickly responded. 

“That’s cool. Yeah.” This is literally so awkward, I need to do somethi-

“I had some ideas right…” 

“I’m gonna be a real handful, I gotta tell you.” Yeah this is so awkward.

Thankfully, Theo began to walk away so she followed him. “No, I realised that from the beginning.”

And then they talked about work stuff. Or he was praising her about her performance. She couldn’t really tell. 

Her mind was in a blur. 

She could barely put one foot in front of another.

I can’t believe Chloe kissed him. 

Why would she choose HIM? 

He so rigid and annoying an-

“Hey Beca, if you’re tired we can discuss this tomorrow, it’s o-” Theo 

“You know how you guys asking me to move to LA?” Beca took a deep breath. 

If I can’t have her, then I can’t be around her anymore. 

“I can move there right now.” 

“What? This is a really big decision, Beca. You should sleep on it first.” Theo looked at her worriedly. 

“No. I’ve made up my mind already. I just need to fly back to New York to get my stuff and then I can move there.” 

“You’re sure?”

Beca just nodded.

Theo took one good look at Beca then took out his phone and excused himself to make a call. 

“Beca? Are you okay? Why are you leaving? Why are you moving to LA? Without telling me? Or Ginger?” 

“Ames, I-” Beca was at a loss. Nobody was supposed to find out until I LEFT. What should I say? What should I say? What should I say? 

“She rejected you, didn't she? I’m so sorry Beca.” Amy said as pulled Beca in for a bear hug. 

“No! It’s just…I was too late.” 

“You were what?” Realisation dawned on Amy’s face. “OHHH I’M GONNA KILL THAT IDIOT.” She hugged Beca even more fiercely. 

“Ames, you can’t tell any of the Bellas that I’m leaving okay? Especially not Chloe. Please don’t murder Chicago, Chloe deserves someone stable and good for her.” Someone better than me.

“Are you sure? Like super duper sure?” 

“Yes, I am.” I need to get away from Chloe. It’s better this way.

“Beca, are you ready to go? Khaled is preparing his private jet. It’ll be ready in about an hour. We need to go to the hotel now.” Theo suddenly said. 

“Bye Ames. Please don’t tell anyone. Tell them I’m super busy with work and needed to leave right away okay? Beca said as she left. So busy that I’m gonna disappear.

When she got to her room, she changed and quickly grabbed all her clothes and everything and just shoved them into the tiny little suitcase that she brought. As she was leaving, she saw the notepad and pen the hotel provided just sitting on the desk. Maybe I should leave an explanation for her, to give her a sense of peace. It’s not like she ever liked me anyways. Just to get its weight off me. 

So she wrote a letter. To Chloe. Folded it. Slipped it under the door. 

And then left with Theo. 

To her new life.

Without Chloe. 

On the way to the airport, everything reminded her of Chloe.

The light rain pattering against the window. Chloe always loved the rain.

That car brand she wanted to buy. She wanted it in red to match her.

Beca even thought she heard Chloe calling her name at the airport. Nah, I’m just hearing things. 

So Beca boarded the private plane. 

To New York. Where she returned to that tiny apartment one last time. Where she packed up all the memories. 

Her vinyl collection, in boxes. 

Her clothes, in boxes. 

Her photo frames, in boxes. 

I wonder what will Chloe’s reaction be? Actually, she might not even come back. She might just fly off with Chicago. But she deserves happiness. And that just isn’t with me. 

So sack up dude, Chloe is happy now. 

Without me.

So Beca left.

To LA.

To build her dreams.

And leaving the past behind. With everyone in that past too. 

I won’t cry. I won’t cry. I won’t cry. I’m not crying. I’m not crying. I’m not crying.

A shrill scream from a redhead on the TV jolted Beca back to the present.

Sighing, she switched off the TV and checked her new phone, the one she asked for the moment she landed here, with a new number. 

How is it 11 already? 

She lay on her back and toyed with a thought. 

Should I text her? 

Or should I not? 

She paused for a moment, then opened her messaging app and keyed in a number she had memorised for about a third of her life. 

She paused again, rethinking her life decisions and then sent a text.

Hey Ames.

Chapter Text

6 June 2018. 

“Hey Beca. You know what you should do? You should call Chloe tomorrow. Wish her happy birthday! Be all sappy! You know, the usual.” 

“Amy! For the last time, I AM NOT CALLING CHLOE! She’s literally with Chicago. I’m not going to like, barge into her life randomly after you know, that. She knows. That’s why I’M. KEEPING. AWAY.” Beca hung up the call and threw her phone onto the couch behind her. It started ringing like crazy, that special ringtone she had for Amy. It stopped after a while though. 

What is wrong with her today?

10 hours later. 

Beca was standing outside her apartment door rummaging for her keys. I swear I put them in this pocket. Maybe it's in the other pocket. WHERE ARE THEY?

“CLANG. CRASH.” 

What the fuck was that? 

Was that from my house? 

She heard a lot of muffled curses too. 

Is somebody inside? 

Did someone break in?

She tried the door. It was unlocked. 

Oh shit. Fuck. Damn it.

It’s okay Beca. You’re just gonna take a peek and then call 911. 

Or maybe knock the person out first. Or people. 

She cautiously pushed the door open wider and peered inside. It was pretty dark, considering that it was already 10. She gingerly stepped inside, trying not to make a sound. She silently slipped off her shoes. Reaching her hand out, she groped in the darkness for the baseball bat she remembered leaving next to the shoe cabinet. 

Thank god I left this here. Why is it so heavy?

She held it up with both hands, carefully treading into the apartment. She could see a light on in the kitchen, which cast a glow onto the living room wall. Where she could see a shadow dancing around. 

She crouched down and slowly edged towards the corner, peeking around it. Oh damn it. I forgot I moved the piano here. The piano sat against the wall, and conveniently blocked Beca’s view on the living room from her current position. 

She tried to move to the side so she could see past the piano, but realised it would be exposing herself. 

Fuck it. It’s probably only one person. Now or never. I can do this. Raise bat. Swing. Knock person out. Easy peasy.

You can do this Beca!

Taking a deep breath, Beca straightened up, gripping the baseball bat tightly with sweaty hands. 

She jumped forward, out from the protection the wall had provided her. She spotted a bunch of wild blonde hair on a head and swung the bat towards it.

Guess what? 

She missed. 

Then the person, a woman, grabbed the end of the bat that Beca wasn’t holding, with her left hand. 

She whirled around, using her right arm to grab Beca’s arm, twisting it, and flipping Beca over, backwards. And slammed Beca, face first, onto the ground, holding her in an armlock.

Oh shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck. I’m screwed. 

Beca was seeing stars. 

While staring straight ahead. 

At the floor. 

“Beca?” A familiar voice spoke from on top of Beca. 

Beca furrowed her eyebrows. That voice sounded so similar. 

So similar to…

“Ames?”

“Beca, what the hell were you doing sneaking up on me?” 

“Why are YOU even in MY HOUSE?” 

“I flew in from Japan!” 

“Why were you in JAPAN? For god’s sake, CAN YOU LET ME GET UP?” 

“Oops.” Amy said sheepishly, letting go of Beca’s arm and getting up.

Grumbling, Beca stood up, checking her arms and legs for any injuries. She surveyed the living room and noticed the huge vase that Theo had given her for New Year’s was shattered on the ground. 

Oh my god. Thank god that hideous thing is broken. 

Won’t hurt Turtle Man’s feelings this way. Whew.

Amy was looking nervously at Beca. It really brought Beca back to the days in the Bellas house. 

“Firstly, I regret ever giving you the house key. Secondly, give me a heads up next time! And lastly, you’re cleaning this up right now, then we can talk. You also better hope I don’t have a concussion.”

Amy looked visibly relieved. “Sorry about that. Well, all of that.” Then she meekly busied herself with finding the dustpan and cleaning up all the shards and dust. 

Beca shook her head and walked over to the island kitchen, putting her bag down on one of the high chairs since the living and dining room were a bit of a danger zone. 

“Amy, there are slippers by the front door. Wear those to protect your feet.” Beca said before opening the fridge door to look for something to prepare for dinner. Amy obediently shuffled over to the door to grab the slippers. 

About half an hour later. 

Beca cooked her signature pasta with vegetables and chicken (It's really easy just dump everything in!) and then inspected the living and dining room floors carefully and meticulously, while Amy anxiously looked on. 

It was exactly like the old days. Where Amy would do something stupid and Beca would scold her and make her fix it/clean up/apologise.

While Chloe…

Nope we're shutting down that thought right here right now.

“Okay! Good job Amy. Go have dinner.” Amy gratefully scrambled over to the kitchen to grab a plate and helped herself to the huge bowl that Beca had prepared. 

“Mmmmm. You should make this more often. Tastes like the good old times.” Amy said appreciatively. 

Beca's mind couldn't be stopped. It immediately pulled up all of her memories of Bellas dinners back in Barden. 

Nope. Shut it down. 

It was like that nowadays. 

Barden? Shut that thought down. 

Bellas? Shut that down too. 

Chloe? Definitely shutting that one down and immediately thinking of other stuff. 

Beca just gave a small laugh. The standard brush off she always gave anyone brought up anything directly related to her. She walked over and grabbed some food herself, before Amy could eat everything first. 

“So why are you here? You flew in from JAPAN? What were you doing there? You know what, I actually don't wanna know.” 

“I was just having fun! You know, experiencing the culture and food aaaand of course… the men. The usual.” Amy winked furiously, looking like she was having a seizure. “Anyways, I came here to convince you to call CHLOE. Duh.” 

“Did the Bellas put you up to this?” Beca said with her UGH they're so annoying face.

“Nah! They don't even know I'm in contact with you! I’m keeping my promise okay?”

“Then?” 

“Then what?” Amy was confused. 

“Then why are you here, trying to convince me to call Chloe, who I haven’t even texted since last year? AND NO, she probably doesn’t even wanna hear from me.” Beca was starting to lose her cool a little. 

“I don’t know! It’s just that… Ginge has been off. For the past few months. Like she texts in the Bellas chat only when someone mentions her or asks her a question. She’s barely posted on Insta. She doesn’t mention any guys in her life. She only really talks to Aubrey. BASICALLY, SHE’S BEEN QUIET AND ISN’T THAT WEIRD?” 

“Yeah? I mean she does have a new guy in her life. So maybe she’s busy bonding and spending time with him?” 

Beca strangely didn’t feel a twinge of sadness when she said that. 

“Oh come on! Think about it. When has she ever been quiet and not sharing every little aspect of her life?” 

“Uh…When she’s in a relationship? Remember our freshmen year?” 

“Oh yea. She probably just didn’t wanna scare us off. And then after that she went BOOM! Info OVERLOAD!” 

Beca laughed. 

A genuine laugh this time. 

“So what’s your point?” 

Amy groaned. “Beca, I don’t think Chloe is with Chicago. I think she’s still hung up on you.”

Beca’s eyes widened.

Then she said,

“HA! That’s where you’re wrong. Chloe never even liked me.” 

Beca pretended that there wasn’t a tiny voice in her head screaming YES SHE STILL LOVES ME!! 

“Chloe not liking you? After she spent 6 years with you? After she intentionally failed Russian Lit for 3 years? After she moved to New York with you even though she wanted to go to Atlanta. just to be with you? Don’t you dare lie to me Beca Mitchell. You’ve always known that she’s in love with you. No, it was not because you’re her best friend, though I’M your best friend. No, she does not do that for everybody. And no, you are not JUST her best friend. Face it Beca, you’re not just ANYBODY to her.” Amy scoffed.

“But, I’ve never seen her kiss a man so passionately. There's no way they’re not together. Besides, how would you know that she’s NOT with Chicago? Beca was definitely losing her cool. 

“The lack of photos! DUH. You completely blind dingbat. Chloe would LOVE to tell the whole world that she’s in a relationship.” Amy stated it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Chloe can be private about her personal life when she wants to!” 

Does she though?

Amy gave her a look. Beca was definitely fighting a losing battle. 

“Okay enough about that for now. In another 5 minutes, the Bellas will be calling to have the usual midnight birthday wishes call. It WILL be in exactly 5 minutes because of the General Sargent. I want to know why you cut off all the Bellas too.” 

“Because… I thought it was easier that way. All of you would just remind me of her. It was… just too painful at that time. I was going to text after 2 weeks. But I kept putting it off. But then it snowballed, from days, to weeks, to months and now half a year.” 

“Well, you have a chance to reconnect right now. Here's your old phone. I found it in your nightstand drawer. I know you keep it charged. All you have to do is to turn it on and pick up the call.” 

Amy got up and headed to one of the 4 guest rooms that Beca had in her apartment. “We’re your family, Beca. Family helps each other. I'll give you some space. Just think it over, okay?” 

She's not in a relationship with Chicago! She doesn't love him! 

No, she probably is.  She's just keeping her life private.

NO WAY Chloe wouldn't shout it out to the entire world that she's in a relationship. 

Maybe she wants a quiet and peaceful relationship.

SHE STILL LOVES YOU! 

Then why did she kiss Chicago? 

Aren’t you lonely? In this big big house? In this big big city? 

Work is more important.

Come on! You could get back together with the Bellas! Just like the old times! 

Would they even want me back?

It was like that. Over and over again. Hundreds of times within those 4 minutes.

Beca's hands powered on her old phone by themselves. She barely noticed, too caught up in her thoughts. 

Only when the ringtone started ringing, the mashup from the abandoned pool back in Barden, where they first found their sound, did she realise what she had done. 

When she moved her right thumb to press on that little green icon and swipe up to pick up the call, in her mind's eye, flashed an still image. One that was forever branded in her mind. 

Then she saw that playing perfectly in her mind, like a video on loop. 

She could see Chloe smiling. 

She could see the happiness and excitement in her eyes. 

She could hear the little squeal that she let out when Chicago dipped her downwards. 

There's no way she's faking that. 

Those emotions were real. 

She is happy. With Chicago. 

Beca moved her thumb away from the screen just as the Just a Dream part started. 

Maybe it was just a dream. My dream. That would never be real. 

I thought I had already woken up. 

Turns out I’m still stuck in that fantasy. 

Beca powered off her phone again. 

She went into her bedroom, opened her nightstand drawer and shoved the phone back in. 

Then she turned off the lights and went to bed.

But she could hear the Bellas’ voices from Amy’s phone. 

Of course Amy had to pick the bedroom next to mine. 

She pulled the covers over her head. Like she was trying to hide. 

What are you hiding from, Beca? 

Chloe? 

The Bellas? 

The world? 

Your love? 

Chloe’s l-

Oh shut up you tiny voice in my head. 

It didn’t stop. 

And Beca couldn’t sleep. 

Eventually the voices from the next room stopped. The call must have ended.

She heard Amy walk into her room. 

“Are you okay?” 

Beca didn’t respond. 

“Beca. I’ve lived with you long enough to know that you are not asleep.” 

Beca didn’t move. 

“Look, I’m sorry for bringing this up so soon after the tour. I’m just gonna uh leave now. I’ll give you space. But please, I speak for all the Bellas, please think about reconnecting with the rest of them.”

She paused a bit before adding, “I’ll still honour your decision though.” 

Beca still didn’t say anything. 

“Ooookay. I’ll just go now. You can text me when you feel like it. Or not.”

Amy left the room. After a while Beca heard the door softly close. 

But to Beca, it sounded like a slam that echoed through the apartment. 

The big big apartment. 

The very empty apartment. 

What Amy didn’t see was that Beca was crying underneath the covers. 

Just like how her heart was hurting under her prickly exterior. 

What if there’s never a chance like this ever again?

That thought repeated millions of times in the next 8 hours. 

Chapter Text

One year later. 

Summer was starting again.

Beca was on a break because of all her good work the previous year and Khaled thought she needed a well deserved…vacation! (Totally not because Theo forced her to. AGAIN.) 

So she decided to do some spring cleaning. (Even though it’s not spring anymore. Actually, I think spring cleaning means it’s supposed to be at the END of spring. I think?) 

But the fact is, Beca hates cleaning. 

Back then, in the Bellas house, the rest of the girls would do the cleaning. Beca would just sit in her room with her headphones on, ignoring the screaming coming from downstairs. 

Yeah she wasn’t that participative in the Bellas’ bonding activities. 

Beca was in one of the many spare rooms she had in her apartment. One was an actual guest bedroom, another was her office/studio. But this one was dedicated to holding all those random boxes of stuff she didn’t want to go through. And random papers she had from producing other people’s songs that she just dumped on the shelves because she was too busy to sort them. ( Nah. I was just lazy. ). The last one is the one where she stored all the gifts that the artists that she helped gave her. I’ll eventually get to that room I swear. Eventually. 

At that exact moment she thought that, she lifted a box. Which, unfortunately, broke apart her hands and everything dropped onto the floor, causing a plume of dust to shoot right up into her face. 

After a lot of coughing later, she opened the windows in the room. Why didn’t I do this earlier? It’s so much airier. Seriously, ugh. I hate cleaning. She picked up the stuff she dropped. Middle school textbooks? What the hell?

As she flipped through them, cringing at her terrible work and handwriting, she started coughing again. Oh god. I think I inhaled a heck a lot of dust. I need some water. 

But being the unprepared person she is, Beca didn’t have a bottle with her in the room. She had to walk to the kitchen. While coughing. 

Beca clumsily poured herself a glass of water and took a loooong drink, finishing the whole glass in one gulp. She sat down in one of the tall island chairs (she had to jump) and slammed the glass down, wincing as the noise echoed through the apartment. 

Wait a minute…

She swore she could stop it, that she would forget.

But she still couldn’t stop the memories. 

Hey Beca, are you gonna stay on at Barden? Or do you still want to go to LA?

Beca knew she wanted to stay. She had an amazing year! Maybe not the best, but she made friends ( Wow, shocker. ) and was now the co-captain of the Barden Bellas, who she just led to victory in the Nationals! If that wasn’t a great year she didn’t know what was anymore. 

But why wouldn’t her fingers move? All I have to do is just type ‘Yep, I’m staying.’ THAT’S IT. THAT’S LITERALLY IT. MOVE YOU STUPID FINGERS. 

Still, her fingers seemed frozen. 

She gave up and got up to go downstairs to get a snack, when she heard Amy say, “What the HELL Jessica! Why do you keep so many tiny little pieces of paper?” And she also faintly heard a panicked voice say, “AMY DON’T TOUCH THAT!” 

Shit, I almost forgot. Chloe’s spring cleaning day. 

Chloe recently went to China and learnt a heck a lot about their culture. Apparently they had this tradition called spring cleaning, where they cleared out old things to clear out bad luck from the previous year. So Chloe being Chloe, decided that she should try it out too, before the new school year started! She also somehow managed to get all the Bellas to jump onto the bandwagon. Beca only remembered saying “Mhm.” when Chloe asked her a question at dinner, too distracted, thinking about what she was going to say to her dad, to listen to her question. So now she had to do it. 

Though, I’m pretty sure it was supposed to be before the Chinese New Year. Which is around January to February. Not in the middle of July. Ugh. Whatever. 

But the problem is, Beca despises cleaning. Too much labour. Nope. 

She also hates other people touching her stuff. They’re MY STUFF and if others touch them then it’s kinda dirty in a sense? I don’t know. I just don’t like it. So nope, I’m not letting anyone touch them. 

Rather quickly, she decided she wasn’t going down. She was going to stay, holed up in her room, and hoped Chloe would forget she was there. 

But the moment that idea formed in her head, she heard footsteps on the stairs up to the attic. Shit. That’s not Amy. She launched herself back onto her bed, lay on her stomach, opened her computer and shoved her headphones over her head, hoping that she looked busy and the person would have the common sense to not disturb her. 

“Hey Beca! Oh…” Of course, with my luck, it had to be Chloe.

“Oh my god! You’re already working on the sets for next year?” Chloe jumped up and down excitedly, looking like a fiery ball of energy. In Beca’s haste, she accidentally opened the folder on her computer named ‘Bellas Sets’. Chloe hopped onto the bed, squishing herself against Beca. “Lemme see!” 

She still doesn’t have a sense of personal space I see. She rolled her eyes. But she also unconsciously leaned into Chloe’s side. 

Ah well, Chloe’s love language is physical touch, might as well get used to it. 

Beca typically didn’t like physical touch, as in touching people, but with Chloe, she realised she didn’t mind. She actually found it kind of endearing. And cute. Not ever telling her though. 

Outwardly, she said, “Uh I’m just brainstorming songs first. I haven’t started anything yet. Um sorry about not cleaning up yet.” She offered a weak smile. 

Chloe flipped over and sat up, pursing her lips while looking around at the messy room. Books stacked everywhere. Papers tossed carelessly around. Clothes strewn everywhere. 

Beca gave her an oops expression. 

“Fineeeee. Since you’re working on the sets I’ll let you off.” Beca huffed a sigh of relief. 

“I’ll clean your room for you!” Wait, what? 

“Hmmm, but I need you out of the way so I can clean… Oooooo I know! You can go to my room! The girls are done cleaning the first and second floor so you’ll have no distractions.” No cleaning and I get to work on music? YES SIGN ME UP. 

But the fact that Chloe would be touching her stuff was worrying her a little…

“Don’t look so scared. I’m not gonna do anything creepy stalkery to your stuff! I PROMISE, okay? Here let’s do the pinkie promise.” Chloe grabbed Beca’s right hand and wrapped her right pinkie around Beca’s. “There you go! You can’t break pinkie promises so your stuff are safe with me!” She grinned from ear to ear, literally. 

Beca stared at their intertwined little fingers for a while, before looking up at Chloe and raising an eyebrow. Chloe’s grin only grew wider. (Beca didn’t even think it was possible.) But Beca didn’t protest. She didn’t realise it herself, but the corner of her mouth were rising slightly. Chloe, seeing this, got up and jumped off the bed

She unplugged and grabbed Beca’s mixing board off the table and handed it to her, along with her computer and headphones. “Just goooo. Leave the rest to me!” How can I resist those puppy eyes?

For some reason, the thought of Chloe touching her stuff didn’t bother Beca at all now. Why can she do that? How did she just convince me to let her touch my stuff? 

Beca rolled her eyes and walked downstairs, past the third floor rooms, where she could hear yelling. Sounds like a war in there. Thank god I’m not in there. 

It reminded her a lot of when they had just gotten the Bellas house 2 weeks after winning Nationals. Apparently winning does that to you. So many of them had spent time in between studying for their finals to decorate and personalise their own room. Beca shuddered as she thought of the chaos in the house at that time. Furniture and belongings everywhere. The smell of paint in the air. I should have just called in the professional painters. She remembered the yelling and paint wars and shuddered even more.  

Chloe’s room was originally her, being captain and all. But then Chloe dropped the bombshell on them. 

She wasn’t graduating. 

Being a co-captain and the most senior, Chloe obviously took the single bedroom and Beca shared with Amy in the attic. 

Beca reached the landing without any problems. (Meaning: without meeting any of the Bellas)

She opened the door to Chloe’s room. The changes Chloe made to the room always astounded her. 

Beca’s midnight blue walls were taken over by Chloe’s baby pink ones. 

Beca’s music posters were replaced by Chloe’s posters of men and the occasional woman. 

Beca’s wall of vinyl was gone, Chloe’s photo frames hung in their place. 

Beca stood in the doorway, trying to decide where to set up camp. Since she lay on my bed, I’m sure she won’t mind me lying on hers. Probably. 

So she put down her mixing board on Chloe’s pink bedspread (She was internally cringing.Very badly.) and plugged her mixing board into an outlet and to her computer. She gingerly sat down on Chloe’s bed and waited for her mixing board to start up. 

Now that she was alone again, her worries about her dad were starting to fill her mind again. 

She stared at her lit up mixing board for so long. 

So long until they started to blur together. 

She didn’t hear the soft knock at the door.

She didn’t even hear the door opening and the yelling from downstairs. 

Only when she felt the bed sink down beside her did she look up. 

“Beca, are you okay?” Chloe said. 

The truth was, she wasn’t. But she wasn’t about to tell her that. 

She just nodded her head. 

“Beca. I know you aren’t. Do you wanna talk about it?” Chloe sighed, shaking her head. 

No I can’t. I don’t wanna burden you. You won’t understand. You’ll judge me. You’ll think I’m weir-

“Beeeeecs. You know you can trust me right? I promise I’m always here for you okay? We can do another pinkie promise if you wanna.” Chloe winked and pulled Beca in for a hug. 

“Chlo- You’re strangling me.” 

“Oopsies!” She said with an apologetic giggle. Wow, she’s a giggler. “But do you feel ready to talk now?” 

No Beca. You shouldn’t tell her. 

But as she stared into those big puppy eyes, and that wide and open smile, Beca instinctively trusted Chloe. 

The kind of trust that she would put her own life into Chloe’s hands and knew Chloe would protect it. 

Something about Chloe really called to Beca. 

So much so that she did the unthinkable. 

She relented. 

Every little bit of stubbornness that Beca had in her body screamed at her to stop, but she still opened her mouth.

“Um- Okay. It’s kind of a long story.” 

“Oooo I love stories. Besides, we have time. I made the Bellas prepare dinner!” 

Beca winced slightly at the thought of the rest of the Bellas making dinner. Oh god the mess…

But she still continued anyway. 

“So, um, I didn’t want to come to Barden at first.” Chloe opened her mouth slightly, probably going to give one of her little gasps, but seemingly caught herself at the last moment and just nodded. 

“Basically, my dad made me a deal. I will come to Barden for a year and then he’ll help me move to LA and start my music career there.” 

“Then… Are you going to move there?” Chloe slowly said, her face unreadable to Beca. This confused Beca, because Chloe was the most readable person of readable people that she knew. 

“Oh- Nope. I want to stay. I really do love this group of friends we have now and— um, uh, okay fine, acapella isn’t THAT lame.” Chloe, hearing that, winked exaggeratedly at Beca. “See I told you it was! Also, you COULD sing. You can’t lie to me.” Chloe’s easy smile returned to her face and she stuck out her tongue at Beca. 

Chloe had visibly relaxed when Beca said she wasn’t leaving. I wonder why. Was she that worried that I might leave? 

“Then what are you so worried about? Don’t try to lie. I WILL figure it out even if you don’t tell me.” Awww her determined face is so adorable, wait what? Why would I even be thinking that? Ur-

“Beca? Hello? Earth to Beca.” Chloe waved her hand in front of Beca’s eyes. 

“Oh yeah!” Beca took a deep breath. “My dad just texted me and he was asking if I want to stay and I don’t really want to text him back that I want to stay because he was the one that made me come here in the first place and I really don’t want to hear him go ‘I told you so.’ and I don’t even know why anymore…” Beca was practically rapping at this point, until she noticed Chloe looking at her with adoring eyes and a small smile. “...I just don’t want him to be like, triumphant because just no and…  I’m rambling aren’t I?” 

“Yeah.” Chloe nodded, but she couldn’t stop smiling. 

“Urg CHLOE STOP SMILING. This is serious.” Beca glared. Why is it so hard to keep glaring at her though?

“No! It's just that you look so cut-” Chloe couldn’t help herself any longer, going into peals of laughter. 

Beca tried to keep her glare on Chloe but it only made her laugh harder (which again Beca didn’t know it was possible). Chloe’s laugh was so infectious, Beca did another unthinkable thing. 

She joined in. 

“Why are we laughing?” Beca said between gasps. 

“Because you’re totes cute!” 

“I’m not cute! I'm a badass!” 

Chloe just laughed even harder. 

They eventually stopped when they both started hiccuping. Chloe rolled to the edge of her bed and picked up a yellow cup from her nightstand with trembling hands and took a sip of whatever was inside, still shaking with laughter. Then she held it out to Beca, who didn’t take it. 

“It’s water, duh. What do you think it is?” Chloe rolled her eyes. 

“Your famous jiggle juice?” 

“No way, you silly! Who drinks jiggle juice outside of a party?” 

“Uh… you?” 

Shaking her head, Chloe shoved the cup at Beca. Beca reluctantly held it with both hands and sat with her knees to her chest, sitting at the edge of the bed. She cautiously took a sip. The cool liquid touched her lips. Thank god it IS actually water. 

The cup… Beca felt like there was something about it, like there was a memory at the corner of her brain that was calling out to her. But she couldn’t quite get it, no matter how hard her mind clawed at it. 

Whatever. If I can’t remember it, it probably wasn’t important. She stood up, fumbling around for Chloe’s nightstand. When did it get so dark? As she was placing the cup on the nightstand, she felt her hand brush against something small and cold, like glass. A figurine? She didn’t think much of it, turning around to sit back on the bed again. 

“Oh shi-” Beca felt her foot bump against something hard and she could feel herself falling backwards. She could practically see herself in slow motion, falling towards the soft rug Chloe had lovingly placed beside her bed.  Thank go- Oh fuck. The nightstand is there. Just great. 

“CRASH.” 

“Becs! Oh my god are you okay?” Chloe immediately jumped up, bending down and extended her hand towards Beca. Beca was a little dazed from the pain from her hands and her butt. She paused for a moment, staring at the outstretched hand Chloe had offered, before reaching up her own and grabbing it. 

She stood up with a little difficulty, and Chloe immediately wrapped her in a hug. “Don’t scare me like that!” She said as she pulled out from the hug and frantically started checking Beca for injuries. 

Beca had severely overestimated her height, and only her flailing arms hit the nightstand. And those flailing arms hit something. I swear even the UNIVERSE is teasing me about my height. She could see some light from somewhere outside Chloe’s window, reflecting off the tiny glass shards on the ground and in Chloe’s fuzzy rug. 

“Oh shit. I’m so sorry Chloe! I didn’t mean t-” Beca anxiously started. 

“DON’T WORRY ABOUT THAT WORRY ABOUT YOUR ARMS!” Chloe shouted, before opening the door and running out of the room.

“What? Oh…” Beca finally looked at her arms and realised the extent of her injuries. Blood. Blood… BLOOD?

Less than a second later, Chloe dashed back into the room, switching on the light. Whew, thankfully the glass was confined to only that side of the room. Or else Chloe’s feet…

Chloe ripped open the first aid kit. “Beca show me your arms, I need to check if there is any glass left in your wounds.” Beca obediently held out her arms, closing her eyes. In the now brightly lit room, Chloe heaved a sigh of relief. Thankfully there wasn’t any glass left sticking in her cuts. 

“Beca this is going to hurt a tiny bit. Juuuust a tiny bit, okay?” Beca only let out a tiny squeak in response, her eyes squeezed shut. Chloe took out a few alcohol swabs and started dabbing at all the cuts on Beca’s arms. Ow. Ouch. That hurts. 

“The cuts aren’t deep, they definitely won’t scar thankfully. You can open your eyes now, by the way. I’ve cleaned it all up!” Beca took a deep breath and opened her eyes. The state of her arms made her both want to groan and laugh at the same time. Oh Chloe…

Her arms were covered in Hello Kitty plasters, about 6 of them.  One of them showed her playing tennis, while another one was reading. They were all brightly coloured, which screamed out ‘FOR KIDS’ and were very obvious against Beca’s pale skin. Someone obviously doodled on the one with Hello Kitty listening to music, with an arrow that said ‘Beca’.

“Is it okay? They were the only plasters that were small enough for your cuts.” 

“It’s fine. It’s great, actually.” Beca was definitely fighting back a groan, thinking of the teasing that would come when she walked out of Chloe’s room, looking like this. 

“I can pay you back for the fig-” 

“No! It’s fine. I mean, I was gonna throw it away anyways. It was just a stupid breakup gift from Tom. That’s all. You made my life easier actually.” 

Beca’s nose wrinkled as she thought of that boy that appeared in the showers after her little performance with Chloe. Ew. Thank goodness Chloe broke up with him. He was a little shit anyways. 

“Are you okay? With the breakup?”

“Yeah, I’ve never been better! I can focus more on the Bellas now. He wasn’t more than a hookup anyways. I’m just gonna clean up first, you can go eat dinner. I think they’re done prepping the food.” 

Beca was still not satisfied with that answer, but she would deal with it later. I am pretty hungry actually, but… She pointedly looked down at her arms. 

“Oh.” Chloe looks sheepish. “I mean, you look totes cuter than ever! Now everyone can see what an adorably cute little munchkin you are.” She winked. 

Beca rolled her eyes for the umpteen time that day, before stalking up to the attic to find a long sleeve shirt to wear. I’ll reply to my dad later, probably. Or never. 

Oh, I should wear that new soft grey jacket. Bringing in the new stuff right? At least it would cover these goddamn plasters and make me look sort of bada-

Beca rounded the corner and entered her shared room. “CHLOE BEALE. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?” She screamed as soon as she saw her room. 

“WHAT?” She heard Chloe sprinting up the stairs. 

“Oopsies… I forgot about that.” Chloe said as she stepped into the attic. 

Then she winked at Beca, fluttering her eyelashes, and then turned around and sprinted down the stairs. 

Beca yelped and gave chase. “CHLOE YOU COME HERE RIGHT NOW! I’M GONNA KILL YOU.” 

The rest of the Bellas, hearing the commotion, raced up into the attic, past Chloe and Beca fighting on the 2nd floor landing. One by one, they all gasped as they each entered the room, greeted by the sight. 

Proudly stuck above Beca’s bed was a huge poster of a woman dressed scantily, in a provocative position, with Beca’s face pasted over her’s. 

A familiar ringtone brought Beca out of the memory. That was… vivid. 

She refused to acknowledge the tears at the corners of her eyes. 

She just sat in her chair, listening to that ringtone. Amy’s one. But she was too tired to get up.

From the cleaning? Or from your past? 

WHY haven’t you gone away, you stupid tiny little voice in my head?

She hated that hollow feeling in her chest and that stupid voice in her head that was right in some way.