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The apartment was quiet, the kind of stillness that usually felt comforting, but tonight, it weighed heavy in Talay’s chest.
He sat on the edge of their bed, his hands clutched tightly in his lap, trying not to let his thoughts consume him completely.
The sound of Puen dropping his bag by the door made Talay lift his head for a moment before lowering it again. He knew Puen was home; he knew Puen would come into the room any second now, cheerful like always, talking about his day, asking about Talay’s.
But tonight, he didn’t know if he had the strength to smile back.
“Talay?”
The warmth in Puen’s voice made Talay’s throat tighten. He felt the bed dip beside him as Puen sat down.
He leaned in slightly, trying to see Talay’s face. “Hey. What’s wrong?”
Talay didn’t answer right away. He stared at the floor, his shoulders stiff, the knot in his chest pulling tighter. He heard Puen sigh softly, then felt the careful weight of his hand against his back, gentle and patient.
“Talk to me” Puen said quietly.
Talay swallowed hard and forced himself to speak, though his voice came out small, like he was afraid of the words.
“Do you ever feel like I’m holding you back?”
The question seemed to hit Puen like a physical thing. Talay didn’t have to look at him to know his brow was furrowed, confusion written across his face.
“What?” Puen said softly, as if he hadn’t heard right.
Talay’s chest ached, but he forced himself to continue. “You’re doing so well. Every day, you’re on TV, in magazines, on people’s screens. And I…” He paused, his voice faltering. “I’m just me. I’m not growing the way you are. I’m not—”
“Stop”
Puen’s voice wasn’t sharp, but it carried a weight that made Talay look up, startled. Puen was watching him, his dark eyes serious, filled with something that Talay couldn’t quite place, but it felt weirdly familiar.
“What are you saying, Talay?” Puen asked, his voice softer now, careful. “Do you really think… you’re not enough for me?”
Talay blinked, a lump forming in his throat. He tried to look away, but Puen wouldn’t let him. Slowly, Puen reached for Talay’s hands, prying them gently apart and holding them in his own.
“You’re not just you,” Puen said firmly, though his voice trembled slightly. “You’re everything to me”
Talay swallowed, his fingers twitching in Puen’s grasp. “I just—”
“No,” Puen interrupted gently. “Let me say this” He squeezed Talay’s hands, his touch steady, grounding. “The person I want to see first in the morning and last before I close my eyes at night… it’s you, Talay. It’s always you.”
Talay’s lips parted slightly, his breath catching as the words settled into him. He already knew how much Puen loved him, but something in the back of his brain just couldn’t accept that he was enough for a person as amazing as his partner.
“I don’t care how famous I get,” Puen continued softly, his thumbs brushing over the backs of Talay’s hands. “I don’t care what the world sees when they look at me. None of it matters if you’re not here. If you’re not with me, all of it feels empty”
Talay blinked hard, trying to stop the tears that threatened to spill over. “But what if I’m not enough for you?” His voice cracked, barely above a whisper. “What if I can’t keep up?”
Puen’s brows knit together, and Talay felt the warmth of his hands tighten around his own.
“Do you know what’s hardest about this life, Talay?” Puen said softly. “It’s not the cameras or the people or the noise. It’s coming home at the end of the day and worrying that this life will push you away. That you’ll decide it’s easier not to stay”
Talay’s eyes widened, his lips trembling as he took in Puen’s words. “Puen…”
Puen shook his head, a faint, sad smile crossing his face.
“I’m scared too. I’m scared you’ll get tired of all this—the interviews, the events, the rumors. I’m scared you’ll think it’s not worth it.” He let out a slow breath. “I know it’s not easy being with someone like me. But Talay, you’re the only reason I feel like I can face any of it”
Talay stared at him, his chest tightening painfully.
“I don’t care about any of that,” he said softly, his voice shaking. “I care about you”
“Then why would you think you’re not enough?” Puen asked, his voice quiet but steady. “You’re the person I turn to when everything feels like too much. You’re the one who makes me feel like myself when the world wants me to be something else”
Talay blinked, tears finally slipping down his cheeks. Puen reached up to brush them away, his fingertips warm and gentle against Talay’s skin.
“You’re my home, Talay,” Puen whispered. “It doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing. As long as I can come back to you, I’ll be okay”
Talay let out a shaky breath, his shoulders trembling as he engraved Puen’s words in his mind. For so long, he’d carried this fear in silence, too afraid to say it out loud, too afraid to see the truth in Puen’s eyes. But now, as he looked at him, all he saw was love.
“I don’t want to lose you,” Talay whispered, his voice breaking.
“You won’t,” Puen replied softly. “You’ll never lose me”
Talay didn’t realize he was leaning forward until he felt Puen’s arms wrap around him, pulling him close. He buried his face in Puen’s shoulder, letting the tears fall freely as he held him tightly, his hand gently stroking Talay’s back.
“I’m here,” Puen whispered into his hair. “I will always be here”
After a while, Talay pulled back just enough to look at Puen. His cheeks were flushed, his eyes still humid, but there was a softness in his expression, a softness that he had seen so many times before. And he felt guilty for even having these insecurities.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured.
Puen smiled faintly, his fingers still brushing gently against Talay’s cheek.
“Don’t apologize for how you feel” He searched Talay’s eyes, his own gaze soft and full of care. “Just promise me something”
“What?”
“Promise me you’ll talk to me when you feel like this,” Puen said. “Don’t keep it to yourself. I can’t take care of you if I don’t know what’s in your heart”
Talay stared at him for a moment before nodding, a small, hesitant smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “I promise”
Puen’s smile widened. He leaned in then, pressing a soft but long kiss to Talay’s lips. It was gentle, filled with everything Puen couldn’t say. Talay kissed him back, his hands coming up to grip Puen’s arms, holding on as if he was afraid to let go.
When they finally pulled apart, Puen rested his forehead against Talay’s, his eyes still closed. “You’re everything to me”
Talay closed his eyes too, trying to make these words turn into something more meaningful than his insecurities for the rest of his life. “You’re everything to me too”
Puen was right. They were each other’s home.
And no matter how big the world became, no matter how much it tried to pull them apart, Talay knew he would always find his way back to Puen.
To this.
To them.