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Chapter Text

Mycroft picked his way dubiously amongst the various elf bodies which were lying comatose in front of Santa's grotto. Coming to the tallest one, he kicked him, and the elf groaned, rolled over and said something which should not be heard by anyone who would soon be queueing up to visit Santa, but included reference to his brother's parentage.

"What happened?" Mycroft asked. "Please tell me they're not about to die. Having the police on the premises would mean we'd have to shut down and I don't want to lose money on this venture."

"No," Greg said cheerfully, "they're just drunk. Santa offered them a drink and stupidly they accepted. I suspect it was spiked with neat alcohol."

From inside the grotto came a "HoHoHo!"

"Right, well you'd better get the Reindeer to help you drag them into the store room to sober up. Can we cope for this afternoon?"

"Sally wisely didn't accept a drink, but she'll be the sole elf, unless I draft in Molly."

"Molly's far too useful working front of house. The staff I inherited are too temperamental to be relied on."

"Not to mention most of them are dead and tend to dematerialise at vital moments."

"True. Well, Sally can cope with Jim and Seb. We'll leave it at that."

Chapter Text

A few weeks earlier:

“So, what do you think?” Mycroft Holmes asked Greg Lestrade.

“It’s rather large.  I know it’s your ancestral home, but I never knew it was this big.”

“But think of all the possibilities.”

“I presume you’re not going down the traditional stately home route.”

“No.  Far too many of those around.  And we’ve already proved how popular a Wonderland is.  This way we can move indoors for more of the events.  Extend the café and have a proper gift shop, rather than a converted stables with a bucket in the far corner to catch the rain when it comes in.”

“Yes, I can see how that might work.  But what about the staff, you’ve always provided accommodation for them up to now.”

“I’ve thought that all through.  Wonderland on the ground floor.  You and I will have our rooms on the first floor, to one side of the staircase with the office on the other side.  Mrs Hudson, Molly and Sally can have the second floor.  There’s a small kitchen up there so they can make themselves at home.  And the rest of the staff can have the servants’ quarters at the top.  It might even be a bit warmer for them up there than what they’re used to.”

“I’m not sure Mrs Hudson and the others are going to welcome the appearance of Sherlock and Jim at all hours.”

“That’s the beauty of it.  There’s a separate staircase to the servants’ quarters and we’ll have to lock all the doors at the top of the main staircase anyway to prevent visitors from having access.”

“It sounds like you have it all worked out.  But aren’t we going to need more staff than we have at present?”

“I’ve inherited the staff from my father.  Who, incidentally, inherited them from his father and he from his.”

“It sounds like you have it all worked out.  By the way, what does your mother think of all this?  Doesn’t she mind?”

“She’s not worried.  She headed off to the south of France at the first opportunity.”

“I can’t say I blame her.”

Chapter Text

“Greg, this is Horatio, the estate manager,” Mycroft said, making the introductions.  “He’ll also liaise with the inherited staff.”

Greg looked slightly suspiciously at Horatio, who hurriedly said, “It’s all right, I’m not of that generation.  I became estate manager with Mr Holmes senior and Mycroft was happy to keep me on.”

“Right, well now that’s sorted, I’ll leave you two to arrange matters,” Mycroft said and departed hurriedly.

The two men looked at each and Horatio said, “I should make it clear that most of my time is spent outside, so I have no intention of getting in your way.  Obviously, I’m happy to co-operate with you when you start to plan outdoor activities.  But yes, it was me who vetoed having a reindeer, I’m afraid I didn’t have time to provide suitable accommodation for one.”

“Don’t apologise.  Last year the reindeer was nothing but a total pain.  We have a reindeer suit which one of our staff can wear.  How do you want to go about deploying what Mycroft chooses to term the inherited staff?”

Horatio pulled a face which confirmed Greg’s doubts but the two of them put together a plan – of sorts.

By the end of the first week, Gertrude had taken over the running of the gift shop, leaving Molly free to deal with entrance tickets and queries.  This had the added advantage that any light-fingered members of the public who were considering not paying for any small items suddenly found Gertrude standing beside them, which meant profits went up.

Polonius (Marley), Hamlet senior (Ghost of Christmas Past), Claudius (Ghost of Christmas Present) and Hamlet junior (Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come) were in the Dickens Room to bring the story to life.  It wasn’t entirely a success, as Hamlet senior had a tendency to wander off elsewhere and get mistaken for Santa, so Polonius had to double up roles and Hamlet junior preferred to spend his time in the library, but as Claudius explained, the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come hadn’t come yet.  And anyway, visitors never spent long in the room, so it didn’t really matter that they only caught part of the story.

Ophelia quite liked being in the café, so Mrs Hudson put her to work clearing tables, since she was no good as a cook.  She also enjoyed washing up and quickly learned how to stack the dishwashers.  And instead of mournful songs she began singing cheerful Christmas carols which added to the ambience.

Laertes had initially been sent to help at Santa’s grotto, but he didn’t like children, and unlike the other members of staff, he simply dematerialised every time one appeared.  In the end he was sent outside to supervise the car parking, which he managed by the simple expedient of pointing a sword at drivers until they were where he wanted them.

And Rosencrantz and Guildenstern spent three days accidentally locked in one of the cellars.  Quite why they didn’t simply walk through the door no-one was too sure, although Claudius did suggest it just never occurred to them.

Chapter Text

“Greg,” the voice coming through the mobile said, “We need you here now!”

“Coming, Molly,” Greg replied.  “Something’s up,” he told Mycroft.  “Molly said it was urgent.”

“Molly does tend to exaggerate,” Mycroft said.

“No, she isn’t.”  Gertrude had appeared in the office.  “And you’d better come too.”

Mycroft pulled a face, but didn’t argue.

As they arrived in the main foyer, an irate man confronted them.  “Which one of you is the manager?” he demanded.

“He is,” Gertrude announced, indicating Mycroft before he had the opportunity of pushing Greg forward.

“What seems to be the problem?” Mycroft asked.

“My family has had three hats stolen by your staff this morning: both children’s Christmas hats and my wife’s hat which she knitted herself.”

“I’m sure we can get your hats back for you.  May I suggest you go into the coffee shop, and we’ll provide hot drinks, oh, and mince pies for you all.”

“Please come this way,” Molly said.  She nodded to Greg to confirm she would explain the situation to Mrs Hudson.

Once they had gone, Mycroft turned to glare at Greg and Gertrude.  “Where are they?” he demanded.

“As far as I know Jim and Seb are in the grotto.  I haven’t heard they’re anywhere else.  I’ll go and check,” Greg said.

At this point, John walked out of the Dickens room, saying, “Molly, you haven’t seen Hamlet senior, have you?  Polonius has just started telling the story and it would be helpful to know if he’s coming in or if I’ll have to use Rosencrantz as the Ghost of Christmas Past.  Oh, hello Mycroft, is something up?”

“We are looking for missing hats,” Mycroft scowled.

“Well, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are wearing Christmas hats, which I don’t remember seeing them in before.”

“Right, I’ll go and sort them out,” Gertrude said.  “John, go and watch the gift shop for the moment.  And once I’ve got the hats back, I’ll find my ex-husband and escort him back for his role.”

Greg returned as John and Gertrude departed, brandishing a knitted hat.  “The reindeer was wearing it,” he said.  “It was, apparently, a total mystery how it came to be on his head.”

“Who was in the reindeer?” Mycroft asked.

“Sherlock.  I could see Anderson and Seb as elves, and hear Santa frightening the kids, so by process of elimination…”

“Why do we continue to use Jim as Santa?”

“He’s the best one at keeping the kids still for the photo.  And the parents are all delighted because they leave the grotto promising to be good until Christmas!”

Mycroft looked around and gave a satisfied sigh.  “You know, all things considered, I’d say this has been a very satisfactory first season.”