Chapter Text
Chapter 1
Yoichi was dying. He could feel it. He reached a desperate hand out to Kudo already knowing that the other man couldn’t do anything to stop the blood pumping out onto the rubble he was resting against. He knew but he had been lonely for so long and he didn’t want to be alone anymore, not now. Not in his final moments. He knew that he was being selfish. He knew that being here for him like this would hurt Kudo but, he thought absently, if he had time to ask the man he would have told Yoichi to just think of himself for once. Yoichi thought then of all the times that Kudo had told him to be selfish since he had been rescued and he wished that he had listened a little bit sooner because it was too late now for them to do any of the things he’d dreamed of and all he could do about it was cry.
With Kudo running to him Yoichi realized that Kudo was scared. Cool, calm, and rational Kudo scared for Yoichi? He wondered then if Kudo knew the way he was looking at Yoichi? As though he was watching something precious fall with the knowledge that he’d be too late to keep it from breaking? He wondered too if he recognized the same look in Yoichi’s eyes as he fell to his knees at his side?
He was filled to bursting with the irresistible need to finally put voice to everything he’d been feeling but he could tell that he didn’t have the time to do it right! Kudo deserves for this to be perfect but Yoichi can feel the blood pooling underneath him as the puddle expands around him! Kudo deserved better and Yoichi’s heart broke that he wouldn’t ever get to give him that. That they would never sit down to a candlelit dinner as he shared sweet words of love. He saw then how their lives might have played out for a moment and the sight hurt worse than the bone blade still sticking out of his gut. It wasn’t fair but he could only allow himself half a moment to think about it because Kudo was there and he was so much more important than the impotent rage he felt at the hand life dealt them.
Yoichi could distantly register that Kudo was talking but he felt as though he had ear plugs in and he couldn’t seem to make out any of the words. He so badly wanted to know what Kudo was saying to him. He could taste his own blood and it was the reminder he needed of just how little time they had. He could see Kudo home in on his full eyes and Yoichi wished he would scoff and complain, “Always such a crybaby Ichi,” but instead of teasing or mocking Kudo just looked broken and afraid. “He knows”, Yoichi thinks, “he knows that I’m dying”. It’s nice, he supposed in some distant way, to know that he would be mourned but he sort of wished that their last moments could be happier. That they could smile together and he supposed that he might have been able to get Kudo smiling even if it had to be a watery one rather than the cocky little half smirk that made one of his dimples pop but when he caught sight of the sneering figure stalking up to them he knew that he wouldn’t have the chance to coax out any more smiles.
He was distantly proud that he managed to lift his hand to cup Kudo’s cheek when his body felt so heavy. He was still aware enough to be worried about the way that his attention is drifting and he focuses on getting this out before time runs out.
“I love you, Kudo.” He says the words the way one might say that the sky is blue. The grass is green, the sun rises in the east, and Yoichi loves Kudo. Like this is a law written into the fabric of the universe. He feels that way, he realizes. Loving Kudo doesn’t feel like a choice. Loving Kudo feels like breathing, like his body was made to do this. He supposes that might be the answer. Hundreds of scholars through the ages have debated but dying Yoichi realizes that the meaning of his life is to love this man.
“I love you too, Ichi but we don’t have time for this right now. We need to get you to one of the healers, baby. They’ll fix you up and then we can do this right. Ok! I won’t listen right now so you’re just going to have to hang in there so you can tell me again when you can make me listen. You know how stubborn I…”
“We both know that we don’t have that kind of time Kudo. You need to get out of here and I’ve already been so selfish. You need to run and live to fight another day. The others need you too much for you to die here.” He ignores Kudo attempting to argue knowing that the man he loves really is incredibly stubborn. “I’m not going to make it, Ku. And if you die here beside me then he wins and I can’t stand that.” He pulls against Kudo’s neck and he’s too self aware to blame his success on anything other than Kudo being shocked but he has the Rebel leader right where he wants him and nothing else matters for a moment. As they kiss for the first and last time he wishes that he could help. He wishes that he could give Kudo strength! Strength for the battles ahead whether they are external battles against his elder brother or internal battles with the guilt he will inevitably feel over this. He feels Kudo’s tongue sweeping away the taste of blood leaving only blissful Kudo.
This is how Yoichi Shigaraki passes from this life. A wish and the taste of his first kiss with the love of his life on his lips.