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he couldn't breathe. why couldn't he breathe? needles were piercing his skin. but there were no needles so why did it feel like that?
shadow's chest tightened with every labored breath he tried to take. the air felt thin, as if unable to fill his lungs. his heart raced in a frantic rhythm, pounding against his chest in a desperate plea for relief.
memories, both from the past and present, flashed through his mind like a cruel slideshow. the pain, the fear, the trauma all meshing into one chaotic blur, intensifying the overwhelming panic that consumed him.
a wave of nausea twisted in his stomach as shadow fought against the suffocating panic. the room seemed to spin around him, the familiar surroundings becoming distorted. his vision blurred, the colours blending into an abstract dance of shapes and shadows. his pulse pounded in his ears, drowning out any noise that tried to reach through his internal torment.
desperate for some semblance of control, shadow fought to recall the grounding techniques he had learned from his therapist.
it was really hard to focus but shadow had to because he felt like he was going to die if he didn't. his chest suddenly hurt from the lack of air intake, only proving to cause more panic. was he actually going to die no. focus. in 1 2 3 4 out 1 2 3 4 repeat.
as he continued the breathing exercise, shadows senses slowly began to realign. the racing heartbeat steadily slowed down, the constriction in his chest loosened slightly, and the relentless spinning of the room gradually began to still. the panic still clawed at his insides, but the grounding helped provide a foothold for him to anchor his thoughts.
but as the physical symptoms subsided, the emotional pain started to resurface, a constant reminder of the trauma that had triggered the panic attack in the first place.
shadow swallowed hard, shakily getting to his feet to take some medicine, continuing the breathing technique like it was a lifeline.
as shadow stumbled towards the kitchen, each step felt like moving through treacle. the familiar route suddenly seemed foreign, as if the apartment had rearranged itself. the sight of the kitchen counter made his heart skip a beat, as the sterile, white, surface reminded him of a place he wished to forget.
with trembling paws, he reached for the medicine container, the pills rattling against the plastic container, echoing through his ears.
shadow shuddered, popping open the bottle and pouring out two before quickly swallowing them down.
the pills felt like they were stuck in his throat, the dry, chalky bitterness coating his mouth. he closed his eyes and took another deep breath, the memories of the past resurfacing without warning.
it was like being transported back to the lab, the sterile walls and artificial light replacing the warm, comforting atmosphere of his home.
shadow tried to continue his breathing as he shakily opened a bottle of water to wash the triggering sensation from his throat. how sad is it to be triggered by the thing that's supposed to help you.
the cold water slipped down his throat, providing a momentary distraction from the swirling thoughts. he stood there, leaning against the counter, his breath still ragged. the panic was still there, but the immediate danger had passed. the pills were in and they'd begin helping soon.
suddenly, his phone rang, the shrill sound piercing through the silence of the apartment.
an involuntary wince shot through his spine at the loud intrusive sound, carefully pushing himself up to answer.
shadow glanced at the screen, the name "sonic" flashing across the display. the sight of his husband's name brought both comfort and fear. comfort, because he longed to hear his soothing voice and feel his reassuring presence. but also fear, because sonic didn't know about the panic attack, and shadow dreaded the concerned questions he knew would follow.
still shadow took a deep breath and picked up the call as he settled back into the couch. "hi.."
“hey, shads," sonic replied, his voice filled with genuine tenderness. "i just wanted to check up on you. you okay?"
sonic had a knack for sensing something was off about his husband, even when they were worlds apart. maybe it was the hesitation in shadow's voice, the slight tremble that gave away his panicked state.
the concern in sonic's voice sent a pang through shadow. he struggled to find the right words, his voice still shaky from the aftermath of the panic. "yeah, i'm fine," he lied, the words feeling bitter on his tongue.
sonic was silent for a moment, clearly not convinced by shadow's hasty response.
"shadow," he said, his voice now tinged with worry. "i know you. you don't sound 'fine'. what's going on?"
sonic's tone was firm but gentle, betraying his desire to help and support his husband.
shadow took another deep breath, sinking into the soft blankets as he prepared himself. "just.. had to take some meds.. 'm okay now.. you don't have to come home.."
there was a pause on the other end as sonic digested shadow's words. the concern in his voice intensified.
"shadow, honey," he said, his tone careful but resolute, "we've been through this before. if you're not okay, i want to be there. i'm coming home. i'll be there in 15 minutes, okay?"
shadow sighed, "really.. it's fine i took my meds i'll sleep it off.. you're busy.."
"shadow, listen to me," sonic's voice was firm but gentle. "whatever it is i'm doing it can wait. nothing is more important to me. the only thing that matters to me right now is you. and if you're in pain, i want to be there with you. i'm coming home, and there's no arguing about it. understand?"
shadow sniffed softly, what had he ever done to deserve sonic? "understood.."
"good," sonic replied, a hint of relief laced in his voice. "i'll be there as soon as i can, okay? just hang in there." without waiting for a response, sonic hung up the call, leaving shadow with his thoughts and the hum of the silence.
shadow sighed, suddenly missing the loudness that had been hurting his ears as he tossed his phone on the couch and curled up with a shudder.
as shadow settled into the blanket, his mind continued to swirl with a mixture of anxiety, guilt, and fatigue. despite the medicine, the effects of the panic attack still coursed through his veins, making him feel weak and exposed.
he desperately wanted sonic to be here, to feel the warmth of his embrace, to hear the steadiness of his heartbeat. but at the same time, he felt guilty for being the reason sonic had to leave his work.
even though sonic always reassured him that it was fine, guilt still gnawed at his stomach.
shit. wait. he's supposed to eat something with those meds or at least soon after or he'll throw up if he takes it on an empty stomach.
it'll be fine if he just waits for sonic to get back then eat right?
the thought of getting up again after he had just settled himself was exhausting. he hoped that waiting for sonic would suffice, that the pills wouldn't make him sick before his husband arrived.
closing his eyes, shadow tried to find comfort in the soft blankets, willing himself to relax and wait.
time seemed to melt together as the medicine fully kicked in, leaving him drowsy. then came the quiet click of the front door.
the sound shattered the silence of the apartment. shadow's heart skipped a beat, a mix of relief and nervousness rushing through him. he heard the clatter of sonic's keys hitting the counter and the sound of his shoes being taken off.
then came the quiet footsteps approaching the living room.
the hybrid couldn't help but let out a content sigh, brain fuzzy and happily letting sonic handle the situation now.
shadow felt the couch shift as sonic sat beside him. soft fingers gently brushed against his cheek, pushing the quills away from his face.
"hey there," sonic murmured, his voice a soothing whisper. "how are you feeling?"
shadow hummed, relaxing further as sonic's touch grounded him almost instantly. "s'good.. took two.."
sonic's thumb continued to brush gently against shadow's cheek, a comforting gesture. "that explains why you're so cuddly," sonic teased gently.
"you do need something in your stomach, though." he paused, thinking. "i'll make you something light, okay? can you keep your eyes open until then?"
shadow nodded slowly, shifting a bit so he was sitting up more and less likely to become victim to the pull of sleep.
as shadow shifted into a sitting position, sonic's hand lingered on his shoulder, a silent gesture of support before the blue hedgehog moved into the kitchen.
from the other room, shadow could hear the soft clattering of pots and pans, the humming of the kettle, and the faint buzz of the microwave. every sound was familiar, calming his nerves, and reminding him that he was not alone in this.
zoning out as he waited for sonic to return the hybrid idly ran his paws over the soft blanket.
after a few minutes, sonic returned with a steaming mug in his hand. it was a mixture of chamomile tea with a hint of honey, a concoction he knew would soothe shadow's mind and stomach.
"here you go," he said, handing the mug to shadow before sitting back down next to him. "careful, it's hot."
shadow hummed gratefully, holding the mug in two paws as he carefully took a sip, leaning into sonic as a content purr rumbled out of his chest.
sonic wrapped an arm around shadow's waist, drawing him closer. he could feel the tension in shadow's body start to loosen slightly, the purring a clear sign that shadow was coming out of the fog of panic.
with a satisfied smirk, sonic pressed a soft kiss onto shadow's forehead.
safely nestled in sonic's arms, combined with the medicine and the circles being rubbed into his hip he began to feel sleepy really quickly, managing to finish half of the cup before a yawn.
sonic noticed shadow's drowsiness. he chuckled softly and took the nearly empty cup from his hand.
"looks like it's past your bed time, huh?" sonic teased gently, running his fingers through shadow's quills.
shadow simply huffed and snuggled more into sonic, way too out of it to even try with a comeback.
sonic chuckled again, the sound soft and affectionate.
"it's okay, i've got you," he murmured. with effortless ease, sonic scooped shadow up and stood up, carrying him bridal style into their bedroom.
a soft squeak escaped the hybrid's throat as he was moved, room spinning for a moment before stilling as he was set down in their warm bed.
sonic tucked the blankets around shadow, ensuring he was comfortably cocooned in the soft sheets. the light was dimmed, casting soft shadows across the room.
sonic sat next to shadow, his fingers still gently running through his quills, a comforting rhythm to help soothe him to sleep.
shadow blinked lazily, comfortably restricted as his eyes fluttered shut.
it barely took any time at all for the hybrid to be reduced to the drooling, slightly snoring mess only one special hedgehog ever got to see.
a smile graced sonic's lips as he watched shadow sleep, the snoring a familiar sound he had long grown used to. he moved a stray quill away from shadow's face, careful not to wake him.
there was a sense of contentment in just being there, watching over his love. sonic knew that shadow was safe, that with him around, he'd always be there to take care of him through the highs and the lows.