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Chapter Text

Asano Hideo was once upon a time excellent. The eldest son of Kunugigaoka middle school's principal and older brother of its best student, he too was once like them.

So how did someone like that end up in 3-E; the drop out class of failures and delinquents? 

"Asano-kun, please open your textbook," the name wrings unpleasantly under skin, crawling and scuttling like a centipede. Hideo lifts his head, unwittingly letting out a venomous glare born from the name, "Call me by my first name please. I don't go by Asano anymore." 

The principal certainly didn't consider him an Asano.

"I fail to understand how you're so calm after coming 87th, and subsequently falling even further down to 168th. Your younger brother managed to maintain first place since the finals of first year. This abysmal failure is the final straw, and a stain on my ideology. You've failed as an example, so I've decided to put you where you belong."

"Congratulations, Asano-san, you'll be starting your third year in 3-E. Until you prove yourself worthy, you'll remain there."

Yukimura-sensei smiles apologetically, undeterred by his anger, "Right, sorry, Hideo-kun." Hideo sighs with an apology at the tip of his tongue, but she leaves before he can utter it. He flips through the Japanese lit exam questions instead. 

He lazily flicks over the problems. How did he do this again? Right, read the paragraph and extrapolate the correct information to draw a conclusion. His gaze drifts to the sky, observing the fluffy clouds high overhead as they float by without a care in the world. 

How he wishes he had the same freedom. 

Instead, he's trapped by a sociopathic principal who was once the person he wanted to be. How ironic. 

How did the shitshow that was his life make this far anyways?

-

The earliest memory Hideo has is a fuzzy polaroid of his parents smiling kindly floating somewhere in his brain. Their words were mostly muffled, lost to his growing mind as forgotten memories, but he does remember one one thing.

"You're an older brother now. You have to protect your brother at all costs. Look after him." 

In his mum's arms was a grumpy bundle of joy, with her strawberry blonde hair and their dad's violet eyes. He's not sure how he remembers this, considering he was only one at the time and Gakushuu just a few months old, but it's a core memory that's never left him. It was his mantra for life, the ideal that dragged him through the hell awaiting him.

-

Life had started great for Asano Hideo. His dad was kind and super- he was superhuman! And still he had so much love in him for his sons. Hideo wanted to be like him when he grew up. At age 5 and barely at his dad's knees, he would look up to see the man shining in the sun, lighting his smile golden, and think that this was the peak of humanity. In all the books read, there was no hero that compared to a real life one. 

"Remember Hideo," dad hummed as he gently ran his fingers through the maroon locks his son shared with him, "You're an older brother, and no matter what, you must protect Gakushuu, okay?" Hideo looked over to see his younger brother bouncing the ball bigger than his head back at one of dad's students- Ikeda. (Hideo never cared much for sports, he was always a book kind of person.)

His brother's pudgy face, stained with dirt after chasing the muddied ball so much, was stretched into a bright grin. Hideo thought that was one of the best things he'd ever seen in his life. 

He nodded to his dad, "Okay, I'll protect him with my life," Hideo promised very seriously, placing his book down. Dad laughed gently, a sound so beautiful it made his heart race with joy, "Very good! I know you'll do great, but don't forget to take care of yourself too. You're both very important to me, the most important in the world." 

Hideo's violet eyes glimmered, "Really?" 

Father smiled again, "Really." 

Those were words he clung onto the day their father came home with a hollowed expression and a pale pallor. "... Dad?" Hideo tried, hiding Gakushuu behind him. He didn't understand the glaze in his father's eyes. "Daddy?" Gakushuu jumped from behind him and ran for the man, tugging fruitlessly at his pant leg, "Daddy!" 

A petite hand landed on his arm, "Honey, what's wrong?" His mum asked, her concern forming wrinkles on her young face. "Dad won't answer us, and he completely ignored our drawings when we showed them to him!" Dad never did that! He loved to praise every detail of his and Gakushuu's drawings. 

Mum's brow furrowed, "Is that so?" Her gaze drifted to her husband, still unresponsive to his youngest son. Hideo didn't understand why because dad said they were the most important things in the world. If they were, why was he ignoring them? 

"Boys, why don't you go upstairs for a bit?" Their mum suggested with a weary smile. Gakushuu shook his head, "But dad-" mum gently steered the youngest away from their dad, "It'll just be for a bit, alright? Mommy's going to talk with dad and find out what's wrong, okay?" Gakushuu relented with a glum 'okay'. 

"Hideo, can you bring your brother upstairs please?" Hideo straightened, remembering the promise he made to his months ago, "Of course!" He grabbed Gakushuu's hand and led the boy upstairs, forcing his voice cheery when tears blurred his little brother's eyes, "I-it'll be okay, Shuu," he took out his brother's favorite toy - an Optimus prime action figure, one bought for his birthday at Hideo’s suggestion- and offered it, "Why don't we play heroes and baddies? There's still some villains Optimus Prime needs to defeat afterall!" 

Gakushuu sniffled, begrudgingly grabbing his favourite toy. He wiped away the gathering tears in his eyes, "... Optimus prime is here to save the day! What evil today decides to re-ar its ug-u-ly head?" Shuu mimicked the toy's voice with overly dramatized gusto, placing the figure on the floor and wearing a determined expression over his previously saddened one. Hideo smiled in relief, quickly snatching a dinosaur from the toy box and slamming it down alongside one of the fake spiders from last Halloween, "Rarghh! I want to destroy the world and steal all the sweets from all the bakeries!!" 

Gakushuu snorted into his hands, "Why do the monsters always want sweets?" 

"Because sweets are delic-i-ous, and they're the best, especially ma-ca-rons!" His brother giggled, "Well, I can't let you do that, evil! I'll stop you!" Gakushuu folded the figure so that it transformed into a car, driving it towards the plastic dinosaur standing tall, "Vroom! Take this!" He smashed the truck against the dinosaur and sent it flying across the room. Hideo feigned a grimace "Oh no! You got me! But my partner is still in the game!" He had the spider crawl over the model cities, poking through windows and breaking them. 

Gakushuu scowled as a small girl figure was pulled out of a now broken house, "I'll save you fair may-i-den!" The Optimus prime toy transformed back and sliced with its weapon, cutting down the spider. "Ugh, I've been… defeated," Hideo dropped the spider on his back and fell back too, running a hand over his forehead, "You're too strong Shuu! I can never beat you and Optimus prime." 

Gakushuu stood and proudly showed off his favourite toy, "That's because Optimus prime is the best! He always wins in the end." Hideo sighed, relief flowing through his veins, relaxing his tense muscles. Downstairs was still quiet. He wondered if dad was okay now. Gakushuu dropped to his knees, having lost his mojo, "... Do you think dad is okay?" His brother's face crumbled with fresh tears, shoulders shaking, "He wouldn't even look at me and he-... He looked really scary." 

Hideo's heart constricted. What did he mean 'scary?' Dad was rarely ever scary, and it was only to protect them; like the time glared at those thugs who pushed them around. He pulled his little brother into a tight hug, "... It'll- mum will fix it- she said she'd find out what's wrong with dad, and then everything will be alright, so don't cry," he pleaded. Just the sounds of sniffling broke Hideo's heart- he hated seeing Gakushuu cry. "How about I check on them, and tell you how they're doing?" He gently patted the younger's strawberry blonde streaks, just like their dad did often. Gakushuu nodded against his chest.

Hideo quietly closed the door tiptoed down the stairs. Violet eyes peeked around the wall, trained on the two still figures on the couch. Faint traces of their words reached his ears, "Dear … I think it's best… and rest, I-..." Mum wrapped dad in a tight hug, like the ones she'd give them when he and Gakushuu were sad. Was dad sad? 

"I'm just- so sorry… he'd been such a bright boy," she threaded her hands through her husband's bangs, brushing them away from his pale and hollow face. Mum sighed again, "... I'll go make you something to eat. You must be hungry," his mum stood up looking like she was carrying the world on her shoulders. Hideo quickly hid, watching her saunter into the kitchen. In the minutes he'd spent playing with Gakushuu, mom had the same face as dad. 

He wondered what happened, morbid curiosity digging into his chest. An emotionless voice filtered from behind him, "Hideo, Gakushuu, you know it's rude to eavesdrop," Hideo jumped, then frowned and whipped around to see Gakushuu behind him, thumb in his mouth. He shrunk further away from dad, clutching Hideo's hoodie. Hideo swallowed nervously. Their dad's voice was chillier than winter days, a polar opposite to the warmth he usually exuded.

"Boys…" 

There was so little emotion, Hideo thought a robot might have replaced him. He shook his head. 'That's ridiculous' he told himself, a part of him hoping it was real and their actual dad would appear soon, kind and loving as always. 

Not this facsimile, with the same face and eyes. 

"Boys. Please, come here," The voice was losing patience, desperation bleeding into its tone. Hideo gently gripped his brother's hand and walked out of the shadows. He couldn't help but fiddle with his jumper, nervously avoiding his dad's vacant eyes. Dad moved for the first time since sitting down. He twitched from his corpse-like state, something cold sucking the warmth of dad's eyes. Dad kneeled gently by them, shaking hands reaching to cup their faces. 

A grim expression twisted faintly on his face, flashes of horror disappearing by dad's gaze, "... You boys mean everything to me… you know that?" Gakushuu nodded, sucking his thumb more. Hideo swallowed, "... Yes dad." 

Something else twitched on their dad's face. His hold on their faces tightened uncomfortably, "Do you boys want to be strong?" Hideo blinked. Strong? He quickly threw a glance at Gakushuu who nodded silently again, mouth chewing on his thumb. Dad sighed, disappointment filling his eyes, "Gakushuu, you're too old to be sucking on your thumb now," he carefully pulled the boy's hand away from his mouth. Gakushuu whined quietly, otherwise staying quiet. 

"Hideo," their dad's gaze turned sharply to him. Hideo felt like something had grabbed his spine, forcibly straightening it, "Do you want to be strong?" 

"Yes!" Clammy nerves leaked sweat from his pores, dripping down his skin like an icy dew.

Dad smiled faintly, "Good. I'll make you both strong- I promise, so that you don't…" the lost look relit for a moment, before dying down into cold determination, "Things will change from now on. Once I understand what it means, I'll make you both strong. "

That was when everything changed.

Chapter Text

Their dad had up and left for a year, returning home in small periods of days before vanishing. In those days he stayed, they never saw him leave his study, unless their mother banged on the door. And in those brief moments they caught a glance at him, he became more and more unrecognisable.

Gakushuu cried for dad, and Hideo didn't know how to comfort him amidst his confusion and hurt. Their mum held them tight, a wobbly smile on her face. She wiped her youngest’s tears to no avail, promising their dad would come home soon.

Hideo was used to hearing her beg on the phone, then stand for minutes as the cut line rang ominously. When they asked where he was, their mum reassured them he was just busy, and that he'd come home. Soon. 

Soon meant three months later.

-

When Hideo and Gakushuu came home from preschool, their rooms had been stripped bare. Hideo's books and toys were replaced with emptiness. Gakushuu's transformers bedding and posters were gone. The strawberry blonde let his hand go, frantically turning over his bed. Hideo stared vacantly at his barren room. He could almost convince himself this wasn't his room, were it not for the two single beds. 

“Where is it?!” Gakushuu smacked his bed out of frustration, tears pricking the corner of his frenzied gaze. He searched endlessly for the box of their toys. Hideo checked his drawers for books, but nothing greeted him. Nothing but the piles of large textbooks on their newly installed desks. 

“Mum! Mum, come now! Something's wrong!” Gakushuu yelled from the door. Their mother's hurried steps echoed from the corridor, “What's wrong? What happene-” her face twisted into disbelief, “Boys, where are all your toys? What happened here?” 

Gakushuu tugged her skirt, “Someone stole our stuff! It's all gone- my Optimus prime figure is gone!” Hideo wiped his oncoming tears, hiding his face in his mum's legs, “Mum! I want my books and toys!” She held them tight, until a cold voice interrupted them, “Ah, you're both home.” Hideo lifted his teary face, sobs wracking his tiny frame, “Dad…” 

Gakushuu jumped from his mother's grasp to hug their dad’s leg, shaking the fabric, “Dad! Someone broke into our h-house… and they stole everything!” A large hand pushed his little brother's mop of strawberry blonde hair away, “No one broke into our house last night. I simply thought a remodeling of your room was due.” 

Hideo startled, as did Gakushuu. Their mother slowly released them, standing to face their dad, “Gakuhou… did you- did you do this?”

Their da- no… that couldn't be their dad. The man turned with a calm smile, as if everything was fine, “Of course. They're not so young they need to waste time with worthless toys,” the boys flinched. Hideo quickly grabbed Gakushuu's hand, tugging the boy closer to him, “Enough cowering behind your mother, you both need to complete these tests so I can gauge your current level.” When they remained in their mother's grasp, the man's gaze narrowed in caution, “Hideo. Gakushuu. Don't make me repeat myself.” 

Mum jumped to their defence, “This is insane! They're only five and four, they're not even in elementary school yet!”

“That's why they need to prepare,” dad reported impatiently, foot tapping at an uncomfortably quick pace. 

“Return their toys! They're just boys- why are you even doing this?!” 

“ Because ,” cold mist spread from behind their dad, “They need to be strong , Kaori. They have to be prepared.” 

Their mum stepped back on quivering legs, her breath shaking, cold sweat drenching her pale face, “Wha-what is a-all this… about? You disappear for close to a year and- and suddenly come back like this?!” Anger burst through her disbelieving words, “What happened?! What the hell is going on?!” 

Very meekly from behind Hideo, Gakushuu sniffles, “Mum said a bad word…” the brunette rubbed his back soothingly, watching with growing fear as mum's voice rose and dad's face remained stone cold. 

“I don't expect you to understand, Kaori, not yet,” dad walked over to them, his shadow swallowing them, “But I will make them strong. This is for the best, this is for them .” 

Mum shook faintly, “Is this…. Is this about Ikeda?” 

In front of them, dad's face twitched. His calm smile ticked, emotions glitches across his empty eyes, “Look, what happened to him was unfortunate and cruel, and I'm so sorry it happened- but- but this doesn't give you the right to-” 

Their dad's frozen eyes burned with fury, piercing mum sharply. She flinched, words cut short as his tone dropped an octave, “Do not. Mention that name again.” 

The man who had finally come home wasn't their father, but a lookalike. A copy that mimicked their dad's hair and eyes perfectly, but something just looked… off. Gakushuu hid behind Hideo, clutching his shirt in a tight, sweaty grip. The brunette shivered as cold, violet eyes focus on them. Then, almost unnaturally, a smile stretched on their dad's face, “You two will be my first and greatest students.” 

Their dad's voice was no longer the warm timbre that once read them wondrous stories. Hideo could mistake his voice for a robot's, “Both of you will model my education philosophy. Neither of you will ever be defeated.” The two boys shivered in each other's hold. His hands patted their heads, grip too tight to be warm. 

“From today onwards, I will be your teacher and greatest competitor, and I will groom you both for success.” 

-

Da- the Principal , Hideo quickly corrected, now referred to him and Gakushuu as Asano-san and Asano-kun respectively. They weren't his sons anymore, but students. And being students meant learning. 

“Hii-nii… I'm tired of this,” Gakushuu whined quietly. An hour had passed since they'd been forcefully sat at their desks to study, since the Principal had left with their mother in tow, yelling at his back. 

“I know,” Hideo murmured back, “But it's just a little longer. Once we finish these, we can ask for our toys back. Maybe dad- I mean, the Principal,” the title felt heavy on his tongue, “Will be proud of us when we finish this.” Hope grew in his little brother's eyes, “Yeah… if we do extra good, maybe we can get our stuff back!” Gakushuu's growing enthusiasm infected his sour mood a little, re-energising his achy hand, “Yeah!” 

Though that was easier said than done. It wasn't like he meant to, but Hideo's mind often drifted from the work in front of him to the ceiling, wondering about his books, their father's sudden change and the cram school until Gakushuu's tugging brought him back again, “Nii-chan, are you finished?”

Hideo blinked out of his haze, “Huh?” he looked at Gakushuu's seemingly finished work, “Oh, you're done already?” The strawberry blonde nodded, “Let's go tell dad!” Hideo swallowed the lump in his throat, “I'm not done yet, I'm almost there-” 

“Are you both finished? It's been more than an hour.” The two flinched as the voice penetrated the room's fragile quietude. Gakushuu bounded over to their father- to the Principal, sheets in hand, “Look daddy! I'm all done, I finished before Hideo!” The man skimmed over Gakushuu’s work with lethargic eyes, hollow smile still plastered across his face. With a pleased hum, he patted his brother's head, “Very good, Asano-kun,” Gakushuu's smile fell, “But enough with childish words. I've already told you that you're to address me as Principal.” Gakushuu nodded miserably, before peeking up again, “Do we get our toys back now?” 

Da- the Principal blinked, “No.” 

“Why not!?” Gakushuu burst, tugging at the man's pants, “I don't want to keep doing this! I want my toys back! I want my Optimus prime figure back!” Hideo's heart consitected as tears pricked his brother's eyes. 

A chill dances up his spine dangerous, “ Asano-kun ,” the principal growled, startling the boy. Hideo turned around in his chair, heart stopping at the sight. Gakushuu stepped back, unconsciously reaching for Hideo, “Whining and crying are for the weak. You don't need such distractions anymore, not if you're going to be strong, successful.” 

“But-!” 

The principal knelt down, gripping the youngest by his shaking shoulders, “Do you want to be weak? Is that it? Do you want to be crushed by the strong, abandoned by everyone? Do you want to end up a failure?” Hideo hopped from his chair to yank his brother back, a fierce warmth fueling his words, “Leave him alone! He's scared!” His brief courage faded when hollow purples stare him down, “Are you finished with your work?” 

“N-no… d- I mean, principal… sir,” Hideo looked away the principal's eyes. His stomach churned at his tiny, vermin-looking reflection in those empty violets, “Then why are you out of your seat?” 

“B-because you w-were scaring Shu-,” he stammered uselessly, heart racing, cold dew dripping down his neck like ice. 

“Asano-kun doesn't need you fighting his battles. He's clearly much more capable than you.” 

The words lanced through his twisting stomach, “You… You said I should always protect him. I'm his older brother, so I have to protect him.” 

The principal regarded him silently, “That may be, but you should make sure you can protect yourself first. So far, you've proved yourself less capable to your brother,” Hideo breathed shallowly through his aching chest, shivering. Gakushuu hid behind him, “I was almost finished…” 

“Almost isn't enough,” the principal dragged him away from his brother back to his chair, “Once you're finished, alert me. Then I can properly gauge where you are and proceed appropriately. And clean up your desk, Asano-san, it's filthy. ” the brunette flinched, eyeing the scattered sheets and pens over his side in contrast to Gakushuu's neatness. He cringed. 

The strawberry blonde nervously fiddled with his fingers, “... What do I do until then?” 

As the principal walked out, he dismissively waved a hand, “Do some extra reading. Don't waste your time standing around uselessly.” Their door shut with a firm click. Hideo's heart hammered in his ribcage. He couldn't clam his shaky breathing, head swarmed with the principal's words.

The questions before him wavered, blurring until warmth leaked down his face and sobs broke from his tightened throat. Hideo gripped his hair, panting, tearing and tearing until two hands pried his grip from his hair, “Hii-nii stop!” Gakushuu tugged his fingers, wrapping him in a hug. Wordlessly, Hideo returned the embrace, burying his tear stained face in soft tufts of strawberry blonde.

For a moment, he found calm with his baby brother in his arms. 

-

“I see you've finally finished.” Hideo’s gaze fell under the principal’s mocking tone. He swallowed the painful lump in his throat, ears ringing with those contemptuous words. Gakushuu threw him a worried glance, “Well, I suppose you're both still young.” The man perched himself on Hideo's bed, beckoning them over. Hideo hugged his knees, rocking back and forth. 

"Do you boys know what it means to be strong?" The brunette wracked his mind for a definition, "Um.. it means… the ability to move or carry heavy objects," he recited, a little blurry on the finer details. The principal nodded, "Indeed, that is the textbook definition, but what is strength in a person?" 

Hideo fell silent. He threw a glance at his little brother who scrunched his face in contemplation, "Any answers?" 

The elder of the two brothers pondered the word. He'd seen it many times in his books, where a protagonist would use their 'strength' to save the day. "Does it mean…" Hideo faltered as the man's weighted gaze landed on his meek shoulders. He sighed, eyes dulling to ice, “Asano-san, the strong don’t mumble or falter. They stand strong and bold, and they speak clearly.” 

Panicked, words tumble out if his mouth in stutters, “Y-yes si-ir-”

“They don't stutter either. That's how the weak and pathetic speak,” the principal's eyes narrowed further, impatience churning under his calm facade. 

(Hideo was quickly learning he was worthless.)

He could practically feel Gakushuu's concern. The brunette shook his head and swallowed the nervous lump in his throat, "Is it to do with someone's ability to save people? To always win at the end of the day?" His heart hammered as he studied the chairman's response. The safety net of his patience was gone, and Hideo wasn't sure he could randomly say anything anymore. He had to think carefully before talking.

The principal seemed to like that response though, judging by the slightest quirk of his lips, "You're half right. Rather than saving the day, it's about winning. Being strong means the ability to win, to stand above all others, the weak masses." Dark fog filtered from behind him, "You don't stand with others- you lead them, dominate over them. No one can be better than you, or you'll be trampled alongside others." 

Hideo flinched, visualizing grainy, shadowed figures crushed by a foot. Just like the vivid image of villains those words painted. Gakushuu gulped nervously, similarly plagued by the dark, foggy tendrils curling around them. 

(Later, he'd start seeing them for what they really were. Centipedes: the principal’s oppressive aura.)

"But… isn't that what the villains do?" The chairman stared for a moment too long, nurturing a fear that wriggled uncomfortably in their stomachs, "I suppose most villains act in such a way. But what they do is without a purpose. For you, to be strong is the reason. To survive, and rise above others." His hands patted their heads, softly petting the hair they shared with their parents, "You're both gifted, you have the potential to become the best," fondness softened his cold eyes. 

If Hideo looked hard enough, he could just about see the  faintest traces of dad.

His proud smile gave birth to a hope within Hideo. At that moment, he thought if he and Gakushuu were always this good - if they were strong , maybe their dad would return. Maybe they'd make the principal so proud, he'd return their toys.

-

Hideo was wrong of course, because he was always. 

Their dad would never come back. Their dad would never make them sit at a desk for the whole day after pre-school to study until the sun set. Their dad would never insult or ridicule Hideo. Their dad would never scare Gakushuu. Their dad would never ignore their mum. Their dad wasn't a monster. 

But the principal was. The principal was scary. The principal looked at Hideo like vermin after his abysmal 86 on the first test. “You have a lot of preparation to do compared to your younger brother,” the man had cruelly emphasised to a shaking Hideo, eyes boring through him, “Your desk is still a mess. Your scores are low. Is this how you intend to be strong?” 

The principal only taught. He didn't read them bedtime stories anymore. He didn't tuck them in bed, he didn't kiss them goodnight, he didn't hug them. 

“Nii-chan,” Gakushuu poked his arm. Hideo snapped awake from his thoughts, “Hm?” 

“Where's Ikeda?”  

Hideo shrugged helplessly, remembering spotty memories of a bright dirt blonde, “I don't know. The principal doesn't have a cram school anymore. He's a principal now, he's a teacher at a big, big school.” 

“Oh…” 

They studied in further silence, Gakushuu's pile thinning quicker than his. Hideo's violet eyes trained on his brother's quick hand, despite the messy loops of his writing. When he looked back at his own question, the words drew no interest from him. He wanted to read, or do anything else but this. He fiddled with his pen, pushing around his other stationary.

But… if he didn't complete this, the principal would be mad. If he wasn't as fast and smart as Gakushuu, he wouldn't be strong. 

(“Weakness is not something I will accept, am I clear?”)

With an unmotivated hand, Hideo forced his eyes to read and reread the question, then reread it again. But all that came to mind was mush. He squeezed his eyes shut as the letters taunted him behind his eyelids. Gakushuu was close to finishing already. Hideo was behind. He forced his eyes to drink every inch of the paper, to write and read and write and read and write until the pile was nothing but a few sheets. 

“Hii-nii, your desk is messy again,” Gakushuu pointed out as a stray pencil rolled his way. Hideo frowned, “Oh,” when had it gotten so messy? 

“Da- the principal will be mad again.” 

He felt tired. His head hurt. He wanted to read. He wanted to play. The sunset outside beckoned him out, promised warmth and fun and a fresh breeze. 

(“The strong don't waste time playing outside. They further their knowledge and strength. They prepare for the upcoming future.”)

Hideo shook his fuzzy head, straightening his pile of papers. 

-

After they handed more of their practice tests for elementary, Gakushuu spoke before the door to the principal's office closed, “Dad- sir, where did Ikeda go?” The name triggered a swift glitch in the man's composure. Hideo thought he saw the principal flinch, hands reaching for a picture frame, delicately brushing dust away. “Ikeda committed suicide,” he said simply, hollow in tone. 

Gakushuu frowned, “Su-i.. su-i-cyde?” 

“He killed himself. He's dead.” 

Hideo gasped, “... Dead?” Gakushuu whimpered, “But why?” 

The principal’s feather touch grip on the frame tightened, “I failed him.” Something deeply obsessive was born in his tone. The principal's hollow gaze burned with a cold fire, “I made him weak. I raised him too softly. He was too kind.” 

But wasn't being kind good? 

(Blurry polaroids of a kind smile shone in his mind's eye.)

The principal stood abruptly from his desk, knelt before them, hands on their shoulders, “I won't make the same mistake with you both. You may not understand now, but I'll make you strong. I'll make sure you don't end up like him. You won't end up weak.” 

“Ikeda… was weak?” Gakushuu asked meekly, lips wobbling into a deep frown, “But he was always so nice… and he played basketball really well.” 

The principal’s gaze softened for the first time in a while, hands loosening their grip, “... I made Ikeda weak. He wouldn't have been targeted if it wasn't for me.” 

Hideo swallowed thickly. So… being weak meant being kind? Being weak meant… dying? 

The thought drew fear from his hammering heart. He shivered at the thought of death, unable to see its cold and dark tendrils hanging over him. 

He didn't want to be weak. 

“Do you boys understand?”

He didn't want to die. 

“Do you both want to be weak ?” 

“No!” He and Gakushuu sharply responded. 

Pride seeped into the principal's smile, “Good,” he patted their heads, “You'll both be on your way to being strong, so long as you listen and work hard. I have faith in you both.” 

The chairman seemed closer now than ever to that foggy memory of their dad. If being strong made the principal happy, then Hideo wanted to be strong.

He'd be strong, and he'd survive. 

-

Hideo learnt over time that strength had many different meanings, and the principal's version of strength closely became unattainable to him. 

“No! I don't want to!” Misbehaving and tantrums were weakness, and weakness was punished. 

“Asano-kun, this isn't about whether you want to or not, you will be leaving pre school early-” 

“No!” Gakushuu stepped away from the chairman's towering frame, tears on his blotchy cheeks, “I'm not leaving my friends! I don't wanna go!” 

Hideo nervously hovered between the two. The principal's cold gaze only narrowed further the more his brother cried, but Hideo wanted to comfort Gakushuu. It didn't seem fair that he had to leave early. 

“Your potential will only be squandered by waiting another year. You're well ahead of your peers, ahead of your own brother,” Hideo winced when hollow purples threw him a dismissive glance, “There will be no more arguments about this, you simply will be going to elementary this year.” 

“But I don't want to! I don't want to leave my friends! I don't want to be alone!” 

Their mu- mother rushed to the scene of screaming, “Boys?! Gakuhou! What's going on?” The chairman ignored her, sighing deeply as Gakushuu continued to cry. Hideo quickly tried to soothe the strawberry blonde, “Hey, hey, it'll be okay, you still have me. Please stop crying,” the principal's patience only seemed to thin as time ticked and Gakushuu only wailed louder. 

“Shuu,”Hideo whispered desperately, wiping the boys endless tears. Mother shook the principal's collar, demanding questions to dead ears. Eventually, the man shrugged her off and dragged Gakushuu by the arm. He screamed and thrashes in his large hand, leaving Hideo and their mother to follow uselessly, “Gakuhou! You're hurting him! Let go of him!” 

He stopped by their large wardrobe, the empty one their grandmother had gifted years ago. The principal undid the many latches (had those always been there?) before stuffing Gakushuu in, much to their horror, “SHUU!” 

“Gakuhou!!! What are you doing?!” Hideo banged his little fists, yanking the handle with all his might. He could just about hear Gakushuu cry from the other side, “Let him out! He'll suffocate in there!” 

He tugged in the chairman's pants, eyes burning the longer his brother's muffled screams continued. His poor baby brother, locked and confined in the dark (Gakushuu hated the dark…), all because he didn't want to go to elementary school early, “Let him out! Please!” 

“Gakuhou!”

The man simply sighed, forcing their mother's hands away, “Tantrums are childish. This isn't acceptable. Until Asano-kun can accept that he will be starting elementary school early, he'll stay in there and reflect on why his behaviour is wrong.” 

“Wh- you're making him leave early?! No wonder he's upset!” As if mother didn't exist, the chairman turned on the balls of his feet, deaf to their complaints and screams. 

The banging inside the wardrobe grew more frantic, muffled screeches broken. Hideo’s breathing shook before the wooden doors. Useless. His brother was suffering and he was useless. He couldn't even protect him, “Just wait Shuu! I'll get you out! I'll be there!” 

He briefly heard a hiccuped and quiet, “Nii-chan…” before sprinting after the principal, fury burning in his heart, “Let him out!” The man raised his eyebrow, mother nowhere to be seen, “Has he calmed down?” 

“You're being unfair!” Hideo retorted, clutching the flames driving his anger, “He's only five! If he doesn't want to go he doesn't have to!” 

“I don't expect either of you to understand, but Asano-kun has great potential to be strong,” principal simply picked up his coffee by the handle, sipping it idly, “He'll understand soon enough, when he realises the weakness he's indulging in.” 

“He's not weak! Let him out! Put me in there in his place!” his throat hurt the more he spoke yelled, shoulders quivering, “I'm his older brother right?! So I should be taking responsibility for him! Just let him out,” he begged, pulling the arms unmoving arm. 

The chairman sighed deeply, ice creeping up his monotone words, “Perhaps if you were more capable I could consider you responsible for Asano-kun, but you're barely able to handle yourself, much less your brother.” Hideo flinched. His tests compared to Gakushuu’s barely scratched the 90 marks. 

(Failure. He was a failure. He was weak. )

Hideo shook the cruel words away, “That doesn't matter! Let him out!” 

Impatience underlined the chairman's tone, “Do I need to put you in time out too?” The brunette flinched back, breathing haggard, lungs burning. Fear flood in veins, filling his anger. 

He couldn't hear the wardrobe shake anymore. His brother was quiet. 

Maybe if he got put in there, he could get them out. 

He couldn't let his brother suffer alone. 

Crash!

He had to protect him.

The principal's eyes narrowed at the shattered ceramic in the floor. Hollow violets pierced through Hideo. 

The brunette swallowed thickly, hands quivering. 

-

Gakushuu sobbed in his arms, uncomfortably squished into a ball within the right space of the wardrobe. Hideo petted and stroked his brother's hair like their mother did, shushing him despite the chipped wood digging into his back and legs, “We'll be out soon.” 

He'd tried taking the door down from the inside, but that was wishful. There was barely enough room for one of them, let alone two of them. The air seemed thin, hot and moist and gross. Sweat dropped down the back of his neck like chilly dew. Hideo felt his lungs tighten, his grip on Gakushuu locked. 

He couldn't parse how much time “soon” was, but after what felt like an eternity, the door swung open, dropping them like bags. Before them stood the principal, calm and smiling, as if he hadn't just locked them for who knows how long. 

Hideo crawled away, fingers searching for Gakushuu's hand. He interlocked his hand quickly with his brother's, pulling him close, “Have you both calmed down?”  

No words passed the lump in his throat. Hideo's breaths hiccuped shallowly. He felt faint. 

“Do you need to go back in? I'm waiting for a verbal response.” 

The thought of returning to their dark, cramped, suffocating crevice left nausea rolling around his stomach like lead, “N-no!” 

Gakushuu held onto his arm in a death grip, shaking his head. His eyes looked vacant.  

“Will you be throwing any more tantrums, Asano-kun?” 

The strawberry blonde, shook his head again, coughing lightly. Hifeo held him tight, “I'm expecting a verbal answer.” 

“I don't wanna go…” the boy mumbled. Hideo's frayed nerves couldn't take another minute in the wardrobe, “It'll be fine Gakushuu,” he whispered back, “You’ll have me. You'll always have me.” Gakushuu nodded shakily, meeting the principal's bored gaze hesitantly, “Yes sir…” 

Like a lightbulb, the chairman's face twitched into a smile, “Very good. I suppose you'll both be hurrying to your rooms to continue working then.” 

They scurried to the door at the end of the hallway, its light a safe haven. Hideo shut the door swiftly, pressing his back to it. His legs shook under his weight, suddenly magnitudes too heavy for them. Gakushuu sat by him, shaking faintly, “Do you promise Nii-chan?” 

Hideo faced him, “Hm?” 

“Do you promise you'll always be there?” The boy whispered. Hideo let out a deep breath, sliding to be level, “Yeah,” he gently laced his fingers with his brother's, “I'll be there.” He gave a tight squeeze, drawing a tiny smile from Gakushuu, “Good.” 

(Hideo wasn't very good at keeping promises.) 

-

Elementary school would be soon. Gakushuu’s diminished mood had been almost impossible to lift. On the way to pick up their uniforms, Hideo eyed the boy sadly, kicking his feet, sorting through ideas to cheer him up, “Asano-san, stop kicking in your seat.” 

“Oh, sorry.” 

He let his legs fall still, but they started tingling unpleasantly. A buzz vibrated under his skin, as a bug was crawling and scuttling. He started fiddling with his fingers, finding a comforting rhythm amongst the stiff silence of the car, “Asano-san? What did I just say?” 

“Hm?” 

From the mirror, the principal's gaze narrowed, “Your legs. It's distracting, and unfitting for the strong.” Oh, he hasn't even noticed he'd been kicking again. Hideo gripped his knees, shoulders hunched. The same tingle threatened to burst from his skin again. His breath quickened as his fingers twitched with an urge to move. He started bouncing his leg up and down, chewing on his tongue. 

Gakushuu still looked despondent. 

Hideo's mind lit up with an idea, “Hey,” he nudged the strawberry blonde, drawing a quiet hum, “Wanna play rock paper scissors?” Gakushuu nodded after some silence, lifting his hand. 

“Rock, paper scissors shoot!” Gakushuu cheered silently. Hideo smiled. They played again, and as his brother's brightened, energy buzzed in his legs, unconsciously kicking them up and down. 

“Asano!” The two of them startled, “I thought I already told you twice ,” Hideo winced, “Not to kick your feet. You're distracting me as the driver and therefore jeopardising both yourself and your brother. Stop, fidgeting .”

“Uh- uhm, sorry, sir,” Hideo quickly hunched in himself, focused in fighting the urge to move. Gakushuu looked cowed. The principal sighed, “Since you're both intent on being busy, gave you been revising your timetables?” 

“Yes sir,” they responded. 

“Good. Then I'll be quizzing you on them.” 

“If we get them all right, can we get dessert?” Gakushuu inquired curiously. Hideo lit up at the thought. The principal had removed almost everything good from their diet, intent on keeping them “healthy and strong.” 

“... That'll depend on who can get the highest number of correct answers.” 

Hideo’s smile dimmed. Between him and Gakushuu, the younger excelled at everything. Hideo was left in the dust by his brother. 

(Gakushuu was a year younger than him, and yet he was always ahead, he scored in the 90s and the principal always patted his head. 

Every time the strawberry blonde earned another proud smile, something ugly festered within him. 

He squashed it down quickly.)

“Well then, Asano-kun? What's 8x3?” 

“24!” Gakushuu answered quickly.

“Good. Asano-san, tell me what 9x5 is.” 

“Uh, 45!” 

“Correct. What is 7x8?” 

Hideo chewed on his nails, searching through his blurred mindnak for the answer, “Uhm, uh… it's… 4, not 56!” 

The principal seemed displeased. Did he get wrong? “Asano-kun, what is 9x12?” 

“108!” 

“Very good. You're much faster than your older brother.” Gakushuu preened at the praise, leaving Hideo hollow, “Asano-san, 11x11?” 

“Umm… uhhh,” he started counting up the 11 times table, stumbling after 110, “uhm…” the principal's rhythmic tapping on the wheel ticked the seconds he wasted, “a hundred and… 131!” 

The chairman responded with a deep sigh, “You're certainly quite slow. Are you sure you've been revising properly?” 

“Yes!” He had! Just as much as Gakushuu.

“Then what is 12x12?” 

Hideo thought for a bit, losing track as a goosebumps pricked his pale pallor. He was hit with the overwhelming realisation he couldn't remember, the number was just out of reach, on the very tip of his tongue, foreign in his mouth, “A hundred and… a hundred and…” 

“One hundred and?” 

Gakushuu's creased gaze filled his focus, “143?” 

The silence followed by a short, impatient sigh from the man told Hideo everything,  “I know them! I did study! I just- I can't remember them on the spot like that…”

“But your brother is capable, and he's younger.” Gakushuu watched hesitantly, fretting gaze switching between Hideo's clammy face and the principal's cold rationality, “If you can't remember them, clearly you're not practising enough.” 

(It was always, “Your brother is better than you,” it was always “He excels despite being younger.” 

A pinprick of fury was growing. Horrifyingly, it wasn't at the principal, but at Gakushuu. Hideo quickly squashed it down.)

He'd spent just as many hours at a desk as Gakushuu did. He just… “I find it hard to focus the whole time,” Hideo admitted nervously. The principal eyed the road intently, deafening silence occasionally punctured by other cars, “Sometimes I'm working and the next second I'm thinking about something else.” 

The chairman hummed curiously, drumming his fingers, “... I see. I suppose we'll have to work on that lack of focus of yours.” 

They fell into stiff and tense stillness. Hideo fiddled with the hem of his jumper and Gakushuu watched the passing scenery. 

-

Their new uniforms were just a little too stiff for his liking. Hideo tugged in his collar a little, struggling around the top button. The chairman slapped his hands away from it, “Stop fidgeting.” 

“But it's uncomfortable…” Hideo whined, his breathing a tad suffocated. 

“That's something you'll have to deal with. Proper appearances are important in strength; how else will you garner everyone else's respect?” The brunette relented, resigned to shifting about while Gakushuu marvelled his shirt and tie. 

The principal eyed them with warmer purples than usual, fondness leaking into his gaze, “You're both looking very sharp. As expected… of my students.” Calloused fingers carded through their heads gently. Gakushuu preened, Hideo smiled, “So do we get desserts on the way back?” 

The principal hummed, “I suppose I should reward you. After all, a winner are rewarded in society.” 

The mouth watering thought of sweets had Hideo bounding on his toes, finger alight with excited buzzing. They hadn't had desserts in so long! He could hardly wait. 

At the ice cream store, the two boys pressed themselves to marvel at the rainbow of flavours greeting them. Gakushuu pointed at the chocolate he planned on ordering, and just as Hideo prepared to tell the principal he wanted lemon flavour, he simply ordered a single chocolate scoop, “Only winners get rewarded,” the man reminded Hideo, eyeing his phone, “You barely kept up with your brother, not only that but you got one wrong. Failures don't get rewarded.” 

Hideo’s burning gaze fell downcast, fists tightening as ugly jealousy curdled in his stomach. He bit back the sobs lodged in his throat, “I-it’s okay Nii-chan, I'll share with you,” Gakushu quickly offered. The idea warmed his hurting heart a little, but his brother quickly withdrew his treat in response to the principal's words, “Winners don't share their winnings. Do you want to end up taken advantage of?” 

“No!” The strawberry blonde frantically shook his head, hands moving to protectively hold his ice cream, “But, Nii-chan…” 

Hideo waved him off, “Don't worry about it, you deserved it fair and square!” He reassured kindly, forcing the strained edges of his smile to stick. Gakushuu hesitantly indulged in his winnings, glancing occasionally at his brother. The brunette’s smile twitched, facial muscles aching. 

Once home, Gakushuu went to show their mother their new uniforms, but the principal dragged Hideo to their room, “Until you can complete all those tests up to an acceptable standard, you won't be allowed down stairs for lunch or dinner.” 

“What?!” Panic flooded his veins, “What if I don't finish them all?! Or if I don't do good enough?!” it was already lunch time, his stomach started to grumble. The principal’s bored gaze simply swept over him, “Then I suppose you won't get any food today.” 

He left with a click of the door. Hideo quickly started on the pile of tests, hand moving faster than ever. In a frenzied haze, he wrote and read and wrote until his hand hurt. Every finished sheet was discarded, broken pencils were scattered over his desk. He wrote until his fingers cramped, until his numb hand couldn't feel the crevices of the pen against his fingers, until the pile thinned. 

“Nii-chan?” Gakushuu’s voice baaedlt registered, “Nii-chan, you weren't there for lunch. Mother kept calling for you.” The younger's finger prodded his hunched shoulders, sending a flinch through his body, “O-oh… uh,” Hideo hasn't noticed the hollow pain in his stomach, a hand coming up to clutch it, “The principal said I couldn't leave until I finish these to an acceptable standard.” 

“Oh,” Gakushuu frowned. He cast a wary glance at the door, “Maybe I could sneak you some food?” He suggested hopefully. The idea sounded heavenly, drawing a tiny smile from him. But heavy steps swiftly dashed his hopes, “Asano-kun, why are you bothering your brother? I thought I only told you to get your study materials and migrate downstairs.” 

The strawberry hurried to do exactly so, giving his brother a dejected look. Hideo simply sighed, exhaustion settling deep into his bones. The chairman loomed over his work, “I suppose you've made good progress in the past three hours. But you've made simple mistakes.” Hideo winced as he looked over his work: the principal was right, his questions were riddled with silly mistakes. 

‘But I knew the answers… why did I do that?’

“86, 83, 79, 85…” the chairman flicked over his tests, cold eyes growing impatient. Hideo breathed shakily, “At this rate, you won't be getting dinner either.” His stomach grumbled in protest, pangs of aches shooting through his abdomen, “You're much better than this, Asano-san.” 

“And fix your desk again, I don't want to have to repeat myself.” The state of his desk made him cringe. He started picking up scattered sheets and throwing away the broken stationary, straightening his books.

Hideo forced his numb hand to lift the pen, scribbling despite the agony burning his arm. 

“Come, Asano-kun, we'll review the upcoming material for Elementary so you can be ahead.” 

“Yes sir!” 

Hideo cast them a longing glance, that jealousy rearing its ugly head again as the principal patted this brother. 

Why was Gakushuu so much better than him? 

The brunette quickly shook his nasty thoughts away.

-

He continued the tests into the night, rejected by the principal's harsh standards, “Another 86? Are you even trying?” 

“82? That's not even close to what you need.” 

He was tired. 

“87. We're finally getting some improvement.” 

He was hungry. 

“89. You're almost there.” 

He wanted to scream. 

“90. Good.”

“92. Much better,” Hideo collapsed on his desk, clutching his groaning stomach. He panted as cold fingers carded through his hair, “See? You can do it when you put your mind to it.” The hand left his head. Its touch lingered on his scalp, like burns, “You can focus when you put your mind to it. You can have dinner.” 

Hideo lethargically dragged himself from his seat, gravity pressing on him. Death might as well have warmed him over. 

(It would only get worse, because Hideo was a failure .)  

Chapter Text

They were finally at their new school. Prestigious and modern. The buildings shadowed them, towering over them.

As usual, Hideo fiddled with his top bottom. The principal slapped his hands away warningly. He stood back, admiring his work. Mother stood by a little ways away, gaze downcast, “Alright, let's get ready for our photo. Kaori.” 

Mother flinched, lifting her wary gaze, “Right… yes, I'm coming.” She took slow steps towards them, forcing a small smile on her face. Hideo grabbed Gakushuu's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. The strawberry blonde shuffled close to him, startling when the principal's hand came to rest in his head. 

*Alright, say cheese!” The camera shutter snapped. The photographer snatched the photo and gave it a quick blow, admiring his handiwork, “That came out wonderfully! Your boys are probably some of the most well behaved I've seen,” he laughed, “Some of them couldn't stop making faces every time.” 

The chairman smiled, “I'm simply dedicated to raising them well. They're both excellent and have great potential. After all, it's a parent's job to raise their kids well,” his words gave rise to warmth on his face. The principal truly believes in them. He would make them strong, and Hideo and Gakushuu would stand above others. They would be strong. 

Mother's smile twitched. She kept away from them, eyes cautiously glancing at the chairman, “Mother, what's wrong?” Hideo whispered. The taller strawberry blonde startled, stuttering a little, “O-oh no, I'm fine I'm fine, nothing’s w-wrong.” She shakily breathed in and out, ignoring Hideo's further question. The brunette frowned. He barely saw her these days. 

He wondered where she always was.

-

Both of them excelled. Both of them were popular. Both of them were busy. But they were together. 

“Hii-nii,” Gakushuu said one night, “I hate Ikeda. I hate the principal too.” 

Hideo looked over, barely making out a lump in the dark, “It's because of him the principal suddenly became so mean.” 

The brunette frowned, remembering vaguely how much Gakushuu loved to play with the dirt blonde, “... He's doing this so we become strong. He's doing it for our own good.” 

Gakushuu hummed, hiding in his sheets, “But that doesn't mean I have to like him.” 

Hideo nodded, “Yeah, you're right. We can't trust him, and mother's barely around anymore,” he hadn't seen her in the house since a few weeks ago, “We can't rely on her either.”

Hideo hopped from his covers, knelt by his brother's bed. He poked the lump, “We need to be strong. We'll be strong, and we'll do it together,” Gakushuu shifted to face him, tears glistening in his eyes. Hideo's heart constricted, “Once we're strong enough, we'll beat the principal. Together.” 

He held his pinky up. Gakushuu wiped his tears, linking his finger together. 

“Our parents might not be there for us anymore, but you'll always have me.” 

Gakushuu shook in his arms.

-

Being strong meant competing. It meant winning those competitions. No matter the opponents.

“Oh they was brilliant! I'm surprised boys his age managed to get 2nd and 1st respectively, especially among some of the smartest teenagers I've seen!” A small smile stretched across Hideo's lips, the shining silver reflecting his rosy face. The announcer shook the principal's hand, laughing jovially, “You should be really proud of him.” 

“I'm very proud,” the chairman replied emotilt. The lack of warmth in his tone knocked Hideo's smile away, “He’s done very well.” 

“He has a lot of potential to get gold next time, I'm sure!” 

“Indeed.”

No matter how many congratulations he received for competing against kids twice his age and size, no matter how many warm pats and handshakes he received for being so “excellent,” it was never enough. 

“Why did you bring that home?” The principal eyed his silver trophy like trash, disgust in his narrowed gaze. Hideo flinched, hugging it closer, “Are you proud of getting second? Are you really happy with failing? Are you looking to settle with the mindless masses; to be stepped on by the strong?” Gakushuu placed his golden, “first place” trophy on the table for the principal to shine, brow furrowed.

Hideo shook his head, heart hammering against his ribcage, “But… but everyone said I did grea-” 

“And you believe them? Your brother outperformed you and won gold. How could that be great?” Gakushuu winced as the brunette flinched. 

“They were trying to be nice , Asano-san,” the principal went back to polishing his brother's achievement, “They were simply trying to soften the blow. Winners aren’t coddled, only losers are.” 

Hideo quickly stuffed his trophy in the bin, breath shaking as the silver lost its shine. 

For every gold trophy Hideo clawed home, Gakushuu easily won five more. 

The familiar silver trophy he gripped for life was snatched out of his hands, a small scrap drawing blood. Hideo cradled his fingers, “Do you remember who was the first man to step on the moon?” 

“Neil Armstrong!” He quickly replied. 

The principal hummed, “And the second?” 

Panic clawed at his mind as he frantically searched for the name. Too slow too slow-! 

Snap. 

Callous hands tossed the pieces of his trophy in the trash, “You don't remember. Because no one remembers those who walked in the shadow of winners. You'll be the same, if you don't shape up.” 

The trophy room has many of Gakushuu's achievements, and few of Hideo's. He'd lost count of how many silver trophies were rotting in the trash, but he could easily count how many gold trophies he'd won on two hands. 

Hideo’s forlorn gaze stuck on the bin. He gritted his teeth.

-

Being strong meant being independent. It meant being self reliant. Friends were stepping stones or allies. Enemies were to be crushed. In the end, the string stood alone at the top of the world. 

He'd just never thought that applied to him and Gakushuu before. 

“Asano-kun, stop hiding behind your brother. Cowardice is shameful.” 

Gakushuu stopped hiding behind him, stepping forward and forcing a bravado. 

“Asano-kun, calling your brother childish nicknames will make you look weak.” 

Gakushuu stopped calling him Hii-nii or Nii-chan.

“Asano-kun, let go of your brother's arm. You're not a baby.” 

Gakushuu stopped clutching his sleeve when scared, biting his fear back. 

“Asano-san, stop babying your brother. Asano-kun is more than capable.” 

Gakushuu stopped relying on him for comfort. He didn't need to, he was a genius, he was better, he was stronger. 

Soon enough, his brother stopped smiling altogether, only plastering a polite façade for his classmates and boredom at home. Hideo was starting to lose the sweet little boy who loved transformers. He started to see the principal in Gakushuu's smug smile- no, Gakushuu would never be that. He was just a hard worker. 

(Something dark and ugly tugged his hands to push his brother. Sabotage him and his success. 

Like that, only Hideo would excel.)

Bile burned his throat at the thought, so he slapped his face until they stopped.

-

Gakushuu was popular at school. He had a great friend in Sakakibara. 

Teachers liked Hideo, but they preferred Gakushuu and his genius. His classmates only went to Hideo if Gakushuu was too busy. Gakushuu revelled in his newfound popularity, shy smile slowly brimming with confidence. 

Hideo spent time locked out or in the wardrobe for his abysmal scores while Gakushuu earned medal after trophy after award. Bit by bit, his brother resembled the chairman's smug smirk over the sweet little boy who loved transformers. 

“Your boys are exceptional,” salary men and their wives would gush over him and Hideo at the principal's important gatherings, “Especially your youngest! He's only seven right?” The principal would chuckle kindly, patting the strawberry's blonde hair. Hideo balled his fists to keep his jealousy at bay, “Thank you. They're both just hard workers, especially Gakushuu. He's exceeded my every expectation.” 

The principal rarely ever gushed about him like that. It was always, “Do better,” and “Your brother continues to outdo you despite being younger.” 

Hideo was jealous, painfully so. So jealous he wanted to push the smug litt- no no, he'd never do that to his precious brother. They were a team. They'd beat the principal together. 

(He wondered if Gakushuu ever thought of him.)

They never spoke while studying anymore. Gakushuu shushed him anytime Hideo started a conversation. 

“You're supposed to be working- you still haven't got a single hundred yet!” He'd reprimand, eyes laser focused on his assignments. Hideo bit his retorts back, chewing angrily on his tongue. It wasn't his fault it was all boring, he wanted to read interesting stuff and research that, not study boring history. 

“We're going to beat him together, right?” Gakushuu would remind him often, “You have to catch up to me. You have to focus.” 

Focus.

It was easy to say. 

“You're simply not focusing enough, Asano-san.” 

“Hideo-kun, please focus.” 

“You have to focus, Hideo.” 

His head felt swarmed. He wanted to scream.

Then the principal separated them further, into their own rooms. Now Hideo was locked with only his buzzing mind and the dulling world around him. He didn't see his brother until dinner, where the principal only quizzed him and ignored Hideo's attempts to answer too. 

He wondered if the man could even see him.

He was nothing but a faulty marionette. The principal's faulty marionette. Gakushuu was front and centre while Hideo was left on the dusty shelf, as the chairman slowly chipped away at his imperfections.

“Second place again?” Hideo snatched his award from the principal, snapping it in half and shoving it deep in the trash. He looked back at the principal, hints of approval visible in the man's smile. He looked back at the shattered award, his blank, fractured reflection glaring at him. 

(He was glaring at a failure.)

-

Being strong didn't just mean being best at academics, it meant physically overpowering your opponents. It meant getting hurt and hurting back tenfold. It meant winning in fights too.

“You'll both be sparring against some of my better students from now on. Sports has built up your stamina, and those early martial arts lessons have taught you the basics, so now you'll learn to fight properly,” He and Gakushuu nodded quietly, slipping their Gis on. Hideo breathed deeply to calm the rattling in his chest. Gakushuu seemed similarly nervous. 

The kids seemed older, much more experienced, and a touch confused, “Uh sir? They look kinda young. Are you sure they'll be fine?” 

The principal smiled disarmingly, “Of course. How else will they gain any experience?” 

The dark haired boy was unconvinced, “But, we don't wanna hurt the-” his friend shushed him and elbowed him, warning a scowl. 

Two hands pushed them onto the mats, “Well then, when you're both ready. Make sure not to hold back.” 

Hideo stared up at his opponent, twice his size, hesitant. He only knew how to throw some punches and kicks. He readies his stance, shifting lightly on his toes, eyes tracking his opponents twitches and movements. The teen glanced at the principal's expectant gaze, before throwing a punch. 

Hideo tried to block it, but his measly kiddy arms barely brushed the knuckle digging into his stomach. He gagged and retched, pain shooting from his abdomen. The teen continued, throwing a barrage of kicks, strikes, elbows until Hideo spat blood on the mat. He clutched his bloody, bruised face, tears pricking his eyes. 

“Hey, you… you ok?” The teen asked nervously, sweat drenched face pale. He threw cautious glances at the calm principal, before nudging him with his foot. Hideo curled up on himself, feeling anger mix with his pain. 

He was tired of being beaten. Tired of losing. Tired of failing. Tired of being second place to Gakushuu's first. He wanted to win. 

In a moment of pure rage, he stood up and headbutted the teen. Despite the ache in his forehead, he drove his fist in his face, then stomach. He kicked and clawed until the teen was on the floor, scrambling away from him, screaming. He thought he'd heard the other teen do the same. Hideo marched over, standing above his opponent, raising his leg to smash it in the boy’s face, relishing in the vicious satisfaction twisting in his heart. 

A hand on his shoulder pulled him back from his hazy focus. He panted, eyes drinking the bloody teen crying beneath him. A sudden sickness lurched in his chest, he felt sick, the teen’s whimpers grating in his ears. But the principal patted his head, a genuine smile on his face, “Good, very good!” 

Gakushuu limped over with blemishes all over his face, eyes widening with joy. Hideo felt light headed, the chairman's hand comfortable in his head. He wondered what he was feeling right now, this dulled satisfaction, the relief flooding his veins, the rush of power, “Is this strength?” He muttered to himself. 

The principal stroked his head, for once calming, “It's part of it.” 

Hideo wasn't used to feeling strong. He was first and foremost mediocre, stuck between the mindless masses and the strong. The principal was strong. Gakushuu was on his way to being strong. 

The first time he'd won a gold trophy, he'd treasured the rush of relief following his anxiety. He’d treasured the principal's proud smile. He'd treasured Gakushuu's smirk. His opponent had cried, and just when hesitant guilt creeped up on his victory, the principal brushed it off, “You won't fair and square. It's shameful of him to cry at his own weakness.” 

“Yeah, he should be focusing on bettering himself if he really wants to win,” Gakushuu had chipped in, smirking. The brunette had grinned, heart alight with what he thought was strength at the time. 

Strength was winning, strength was being the best, strength was being number one, strength was being undefeatable. 

Those were the things he'd felt when pummelled Masahiro for picking on Gakushuu behind everyone's back. 

When his brother had come to class with a black eye and a wet uniform, Hideo who usually ignored the obvious perfectionist, abruptly stood from his desk and grabbed his brother's shoulders, “Who did it.” 

Gakushuu had scowled, pushing him away, “None of your business. I can handle myself.” His friend crowded around him in concern. Hideo caught snickering at the back of the class. His eyes travelled to the seats occupied by some brutes, throwing Gakushuu nasty glares. 

Hideo had waited until after school to ambush them. His anger had built up over their last lesson, glaring daggers at the boys. It erupted in an explosion of fists and kicks. He fell into that hazy focus as he beat down Masahiro like the dog he was, throwing punch after punch in his brother's name. Masahiro cried, cowering away from him. Hideo stared, reminded of the politicians who'd cower before the principal. 

(The principal was strong. He could bring others down to their knees just with words. 

Hideo wondered if this was what he felt.)

“Never. Mess with my brother again,” he'd spat, before promptly being dragged to the principal's office, Gakushuu in tow. 

-

While awaiting the principal, Hideo stared at his bloody knuckles vacantly. He imagined Gakushuu in Masahiro’s place, soaking wet in a puddle, bruised, and felt a rise of fiery protectiveness burn in him. 

His baby brother may be an obnoxious, overachieving brat, but no one could mess with him. 

( “You have to protect him at all costs. Look over him.” )

The door opened, “Yes, I'm so sorry about this,” The principal sheepishly rubbed his head, “No worries, I'm sure Hideo-kun was justified. Masahiro has always been starting trouble everywhere.” 

“I apologise for the trouble,” the principal said kindly, shaking hands with their headmaster, “I'll buy you drinks to make up for this.” 

“I'll hold it to you,” the balding man chuckled. Once the door closed, the chairman's smile dropped, sighing deeply. Gakushuu spoke up, beads of sweat in his face, “He was just trying to defend me, principal-” 

“I'm aware,” the man stood before him, “What have I told you about fighting your brother's battles?” 

Hideo remains silent, chewing his lip. 

The principal raised an eyebrow, “... Not to fight them,” Hideo reluctantly conceded. 

“Exactly. And now you've made a mess.” 

“I made an example of him,” he shot back defiantly, aching fists burning, “I made sure he learned his mistake.” 

“You could have been a lot more discreet. There are other ways of getting rid of idiotic bullies. Thanks to you, a portion of my time dedicated to my students has been eaten away.” The chairman's gaze fell on Gakushuu, “And you,” the boy flinched, “I don't pay for your martial arts lesson for you to lose.” 

The strawberry blonde scowled, “... He kept ganging up on me. I didn't get the chance,” Hideo’s gaze narrowed in concern as the principal gripped his brother's chin, fingers digging on his bruise, “That's why you create your own opportunities.” 

With a final sigh, they followed the principal down the hallways. Gakushuu scowled at him, “I didn't need you to butt in. I had it handled.” 

Hideo scowled back, couldn't his brother just be grateful? Masahiro and his friends would never mess with Gakushuu ever again, lest they wanted more from Hideo, “Yeah? Were you just gonna be their punching bag until they felt too much pity?” His brother elbowed him. Hideo pushed him back, irritation smothering his protectiveness. 

At home, the principal had his hands submerged in ice, “Your barbaric act has cost you part of your image as well as my precious time. You'll learn not to be so idiotic the next time.” He sat for hours in the living room, arms submerged up to his elbows. Asano-kun diligently added ice at the principal's command, biting his lip tighter each time. The cold crept deep into his bones, aching as ice dug into his paling skin. 

Hideo simply stared, somewhat used to it. 

( The principal just wanted to punish you , a voice snarled. He loves punishing you. )

He shook the thoughts away. Hideo was only punished for his continued incompetence. Whenever he did win, when he proved his strength, the chairman was proud. 

( He only loves Gakushuu. He'll never care about you. )

Hideo closed his eyes, stuck on the sensation of ice crawling up his arms. 

-

That night, a knock broke him from his daydreaming. “Come in.” Gakushuu entered quickly, shutting the door gently. The swelling around his eye had gone down, “What do you want?” Hideo sighed, flicking through his assignments and tests. He still had so many… especially with all the time wasted during his punishment.

“I… I wanted to thank you,” he dropped his pen. Had he misheard? When he looked, faint pink dusted his brother's scowl, “Thanks for beating Masahiro up. It was pretty satisfying.” 

Hideo stared, much to Gakushuu's chagrin, “... Yeah, it was.”

“Just don't do it again. I can handle myself.” His brother left abruptly, nose turned up.

Hideo sighed, somewhat at ease, “Sure, whatever.” 

Chapter Text

“Hey, psst.” 

He's eight when she garners his attention and gives him the brightest smile he's seen in days. 

He's thirteen when she leaves and he never sees her ever again. 

He's thirteen when he realises the principal is a monster who'll hurt anyone, even innocents.

“Hi.” 

-

Hideo is somewhat popular, but he's not interested in it. He's not Gakushuu, who revels in the spotlight everyone shines on him. He's not Gakushuu, who everyone knows and admires. Sure he scores in the top 5 all the time, but the only Asano name anyone cares about is the Asano at the very top. 

He spent his days daydreaming out of the window to his left, violet eyes staring without a care at the drifting clouds and blue sky, words droning in and out of his ears until someone snaps at his desk and Hideo realises he's embarrassingly missed a quarter of the lesson. He sat alone at lunch; maybe some girls who find him cool giggle from a few tables away. Maybe Gakushuu's friends whisper and point at him, or maybe the strawberry blonde with eyes like his stares wordlessly.

Then he left to go football or basketball practice, or running club or some other sport. After came an instrument lesson (he hated the violin’s stiff strings; he hated the boring piano; he hated the grating guitar; he hated it all, but winners didn't complain), maybe a few more extracurriculars and finally he returned at 6 or 7pm to study in his room all day. 

An exhausting routine with no one to talk to. 

Not that he minded. Hideo worked best alone. 

(But maybe it was lonely sometimes. Maybe it was lonely when he walked home as the sun set. Maybe it was lonely at lunch, and Gakushuu's table was always too full for him. Maybe it was lonely when he studied, without his brother by his side: all by himself in his bare room.)

He'd knock on his brother's door, answered with silence. And every time he entered without permission, he got a pencil case to the face. 

“You little shit!” he'd snap.

“Don't come in without permission.” 

“I knocked. You didn't answer.” 

“That means I'm not taking visitors.” 

Hideo would scowl, “Well, sorry for trying to talk to you, your highness.” And Gakushuu would ignore him.

So maybe he was lonely. Sitting at his desk, the sky and his imagination were his only companions. School was boring. Competitions sucked unless he got gold. Studying was boring. Instruments were boring. Sports was tiring. And martials arts only existed to punch his frustrations out. 

Then came the new transfer student, “Hi everyone, my name's Takahashi Himari! Nice to meet you all.” Her bright grin offset the class’s gloomy atmosphere. She blinked, oblivious to their awkwardness, before taking a seat next to him. Hideo sighed to himself, dragging his gaze back to the board. He needed to focus. 

“Psst.” 

Hideo’s hands wrote each of sensei's words, periodically glancing up at the board. 

“Hey.”

He tapped the tip of his own against his lip, skimming over his notes. Then he- 

A pen poked him, “Heyyyy-”

“What?!” Hideo snapped in a whisper. The new girl smiled, “What’s your name?” 

At a loss for words and probably too annoyed to be cordial, he threw her a scowl and went back to copying. From the corner of his eye, she frowned. A twinge of guilt pressed in the back of his mind. She was new… he was supposed to lead as an example. 

“Hideo. Asano Hideo,” he answered with a sigh. Takahashi perked up, “Oh, you're one of the Asano siblings. I hear about you guys all the time.” 

With a lazy roll of his eyes, Hideo scoffed, “You’re probably hearing about my brother. He's always the talk of the school. Perfect little Asano-kun.” Takahashi hummed curiously. 

At lunch, she took one of the empty seats by him. Hideo raised an eyebrow in response to her nervous grin, “I don't really have anyone else to sit with… since I'm new.” He shrugged, chewing on his lunch while revising their upcoming history class. 

“How come you're alone?” 

Hideo flipped the page, slurping his mango juice, “I don't talk much to others. So no one wants to sit with me.” 

“Oh. I talk a lot.” 

He retorted through a tense jaw, “I can tell,” the frustrated sigh did not nothing to sway the new student’s happy demeanour.

Takahashi swung her legs; she was a good half a head smaller than him. The girl poked him with manicured fingers, “Hey, I wanna show you something,” she whispered conspiratorially, a wide smile spreading across her face. Hideo gave her a disbelieving frown, “No? Can't you see I'm studying?”

She peered over his shoulder, “What for? Do we have a history test or something?” 

“No.”

“Then why are you studying?” 

To catch up, “Anytime I spend doing nothing is a hindrance. I need to be constantly getting in the top 5.” 

“Why?” 

Christ, did this girl ever stop talking?! 

Hideo heaved a deep sigh, “ Because , I have to be strong. Everything is pointless if I'm not strong.” Takahashi still looked confused, “I thought you got strong by lifting weights and going to the gym? That's what my oldest brother does.” 

“Well, there's that too, but that's only a single aspect of being strong. That's why I do sports,” he retorted matter-of-factly.

“Oh ok,” she conceded, digging into her lunch, “I'll just show you tomorrow.” 

Hideo rolled his eyes, “What makes you think I'll let you stay? Why don't you sit with other people?” 

Takahashi’s relaxed expression twisted with genuine worry, “Every other table is always so full. Besides,” she picked at her vegetables, “It's hard to just join a group of people. It's way less scary to approach one person.”

Hideo sighed through his nose. As much as he wanted to be alone, callously pushing away the new student would only stain his record. He might as well indulge her. Plastering a polite smile, he said, “My bad, you're right! You can show me tomorrow, just let me finish my notes today.” 

Takashi hesitated before grinning, “Thanks!” 

When she looked away, his smile dropped. 

-

The place she wanted to show him was wonderful. Quiet and shadowed by a tree was a patch of lush greenery, sunlight filtering through leaves. It was peaceful, and Hideo loved it, “Cool, right?” Takahashi grinned. Hideo nodded, admiring the luscious, eden-esque garden, “How did you find this place?” 

“I like exploring, so the first thing I did on my tour here was find every pretty crevice. Saw the teacher’s lounge too,” she smirked, “They have soooo many snacks.” 

“Really,” Hideo drawled, already focusing on his geography textbook. Takahashi kept talking animatedly in the background, words drifting in and out of focus.

“Hey, you're not listening,” she pouted. 

“No, no, I am,” he reassured kindly. He wasn't, but he liked the background noise. 

They kept it up for a while, Hideo finding comfort in her presence, strangely enough. His fake polite smiles melted into more genuine and fond, tiny smiles. The cheeriness he forced around others cracked in favour of his blunt nature. He felt… natural around her. Like himself.

-

One day, a sweet aroma instantly snatched his attention from his maths work. He eyed her lunch box where the scent originated. Lo and behold, a perfect and angelic lemon tart was nearly wrapped and packed in the box. His mouth watered as she unwrapped it. 

Noticing his gaze, Takahashi grinned, “You like lemon tarts too? They're my favourites! My mum makes the best.” 

Hideo nodded. His mother used to make them in early childhood, but… 

He pushed the thought away and sighed longingly; the last time he'd earned a sweet treat was the single chess competition Hideo won against Gakushuu. 

Takahashi stared pensively at her treat, her gaze flitted between the tart and Hideo before she - with an obviously pained expression - offered it his way, “What?” He asked, brow furrowed. 

“You look like you really want it. So I'm offering it,” she said simply, eyes locked on the tart, “You can have it.” 

Hideo forced a chuckle, “I'm fine, I don't need it.” 

“Just take it,” she pushed it into his hands, “I'll just ask my mum to make more for the both of us next time.” 

Cheeks warming, Hideo cupped the treat with a delicate touch, “... Really?” His mouth watered as its scent grew stronger. Takahashi grinned, “Yeah! It's nice to have another sweetie!” 

He raised an eyebrow, “A what?” 

“Sweetie! Like foodie, but for sweets and desserts.” 

“I'm pretty sure it's just called having a sweet tooth,” he deadpanned. Takahashi stuck her tongue out, “Whatever! I prefer the term sweetie anyways.” 

A short snort bubbled out of his chest, surprising the both of them. Something warm bloomed in his chest, as he stared at the aromatic treat he'd craved for years, “... Thank you,” he whispered. 

“You're welcome!” She smiled back.

With each bite, he savoured the sweetness on his tongue. 

-

“Wow! How do you do it?” Takahashi marvelled over his midterms scores, all sporting bright red numbers 89 and above. Her flaccid sheets hid the scores ranging from 57 to 92. Hideo shrugged, “I mean you see me study a lot. But it's never enough.” 

She frowned, “What do you mean? You have near perfect scores! I'd kill for those! Who wouldn't be proud?” 

The principal, he thought bitterly, the corners of his mouth twitching down, “Since my younger brother keeps getting better scores, it's humiliating for me.” 

“No it's not,” Takahashi rebutted. Hideo sighed, “You're not an older sibling, so you wouldn't understand.” 

The dark haired girl’s brow furrowed, “But my oldest brother isn't that smart- well, in the traditional sense he isn't. Hiroki, my other brother, is way smarter and gets way better scores than Tatsuki, but no one shames him for it.” 

She lives in a cozy family, they're part of the mindless masses, he reminded himself, but the thought burned to have. It didn't sit right with him, to call Takahashi part of the mindless masses.

“Well, lucky him. T- my father's strict, so he always compares Gakushuu's perfect scores compared to mine,” he loves to taunt or humiliate me with it too. 

Takahashi frowned sadly, the reason unbeknownst to him, before giving him a tiny smile, “Well, whatever your dad says, I think you're really smart. You're always in the top 5, that's incredible! You get second so often, right after your brother,” admiration and wonder shone in her eyes, “No one else consistently scores that high: it's really impressive that you're both always in the top 5.” 

His jaw dropped. Hideo slapped the heat burning on his cheeks, an indignant pout on his face, “W-well, it's j-just ex-pected of me,” he stuttered out, the warmth spreading. 

Takahashi smile grew into a mischievous grin, “Aww! Are you embarrassed? Are you possibly a-” manicured and mischievous fingers poked him incessantly, ”Tsundere~?” She sang-song.

“No!” He snapped, red faced. It wasn't his fault! He hadn't heard genuine praise since he was… since he could remember! 

“Awwww! If you wanted praise you should've told me!” 

“I don't need your praise!” 

“You're the best Hideo! I'm so proud of you!” 

“Cut it out!” He pushed her impish grin away, fighting his own smile, “You're being ridiculous!”

“You're amazing! You're super strong! Hey! You should tutor me!”

The warmth spread from his face to his chest. 

-

“Hey, I've got something for you,” Hideo placed his book down, curiously peering over her shoulder. She quickly hid it from view, “You can't look yet!” she gasped, affronted. He raised an eyebrow, before shaking his head and studying Japanese lit. 

“What are your favourite colours?” 

“Mint green and pastel pink.” 

“Pink? You like pink?” Hideo eyed her sceptically, but nothing about her innocent face screamed ‘judgmental’, “Yeah. Specifically pastel pink. It's nice.” His notes were often underlined by pink washi tape. 

Takahashi brightened impossibly, “Cool! I love pink too!” 

He nodded, turning back to his textbook. A frown etched its way onto his face, narrowed eyes glaring at the stupid quotes and interpretations. Ugh, he hated Japanese literature. He always scored the lowest on those tests, no matter his revision method or the principal's harsh tutelage. 

Takahashi was suddenly leaning over his shoulder, “Oh! Japanese lit is my favourite. Are you struggling with it? I could help!” She offered brightly. Her hands hid something behind her back. 

Her words dug into a sore spot. With quick hands, he snatched the book from her sight, “No, I'm perfectly fine, I don't need help,” his jaw tightened as he curtly responded. She frowned, but said nothing else. 

A niggle of guilt stabbed at him. 

During class, he occasionally eyed her to see her eyes focused on her fiddling hands. He watched curiously, chin resting on his palm. Her tongue poked the corner of the lips, gaze never lifting until a teacher snapped at her. 

Then she presented him with a colourful bracelet, woven intrically in - when looked closely, the many shades of colours within his favourites. It was… “Wow,” he whispered, carefully picking it between his fingers, “It's impressive.” 

“Thanks! I spent a lot of time on it!” She rocked on the balls of her feet. Something loosened in his chest at the thought. She'd spent her precious time just to make him something small, like this…

Hideo raised a challenging eyebrow, “As opposed to revising what I tutored you?” 

She froze like a statue, sweat dripping down her forehead, “Uh… no… of course not.” 

“Sure,” he commented, unimpressed. She scowled, “Well, if you're gonna be ungrateful, then give it back!” her hands swiped at him. He hissed protectively cupping the bracelet, “No! It's mine, I'm wearing it!” With swift fingers, he set it at a comfortable length from his wrist. 

It fit perfectly, soft and plush on his skin. 

“Thanks,” he whispered. 

Gakushuu pointed out on the way home from football, “What's with that bracelet?” 

Hideo stuffed his hand in his pockets, scowling at the cars passing by, “What's it to you?” 

“Did an admirer give it to you?” 

“No, a friend did.” 

Gakushuu's violet eyes flashed with scepticism, “Was it Takahashi?” 

Hideo frowned at the younger's stern tone, “What do you have against?” 

“Nothing,” the strawberry blonde crossed his arms, “I just think you're spending a lot of time with her. Time that could be spent more wisely.” 

Eyes narrowing in growing anger, Hideo let out a deep, slow breath through his nose, “I study while with her. I've started tutoring her too, to the point others have come to me to help them. I don't see how anything if this had negatively impacted my grades.” 

Gakushuu walked past him, “You just seem awfully close to her,” he commented coldly, purple gaze hollow (just like the principal. 

He struggled to tell them apart these days, despite their obvious differences). 

“Yeah well,” he muttered under his breath, stare trained on his moving feet, “It's none of your business.” 

-

For the upcoming project, she'd latched onto him like a leech. He found himself not minding.

During another lunch like the others, she suddenly cut her rant short, “How come you're always studying?” 

Hideo placed his book down, “Didn't I say? To be strong.” 

“Which means studying?” She tilted her head. 

Hideo shook his head, “Studying is part of it. To be the best,” he still wasn't up to par, he couldn't match Gakushuu's perfection. 

Himari looked contemplative, “Isn't it tiring?” 

The words picked at him; he winced, “It is… but it's a necessary sacrifice. That's what the principal says…” he said it everyday: whether the brunette was locked in his room; freezing outside in the rain; knelt by his golden trophies in their chilled room all night; staring at his work until blood dripped down his nose, it was all worth it in the end. 

( “Winners are like diamonds,” the principal preached. Hideo's hand burned, sweat drenched his uniform, “They're made through pressure,” the handcuff bit his raw skin, scorching from the heater, “Suffering is part of being strong, Asano-san.” )

Takahashi’s frown grew deeper, “The principal said that?” 

Hideo's mistake left a lump in his throat, “Ah, I meant my father.” 

“You call him principal?” 

“It's just because he's a famous school principal,” he hurried to explain. 

The dark haired girl settled, “Which school?” 

“Kunugigaoka junior and high school.” 

Recognition lit her face, “Ohhh I've heard of it! One of my brothers goes there.” 

Curiosity picked, Hideo raised an eyebrow, “Yeah? Which class is he in?” Takahashi leaned on the tree, “He's in B class. He says it's ok, but it's also really stressful.” The brunette snorted, “Of course it is, it's one of the most prestigious schools, built under five years ago all by one incredible man.” 

“Woahhh, you must be proud of your dad,” the girl smiled. 

Hideo forced his face to reciprocate, “Yeah,” he lied, “He's really cool.” The smile on his face hurt. 

Takahashi eyed his curiously before smiling, “Anyway! When are you next free to work on the project together? I can invite you over, my mum loves guests! She's super nice.” 

“Uhh,” Hideo worried his lip, “I'm gonna have to ask the- my father, I'm really busy with extracurriculars.” 

“How busy? It can't be that bad, can it?” 

He gave her a deadpan frown, “I come home around 7pm every day, and even on the weekends I don't have any free time.” 

The dark haired girl's face twisted into horror, “That's terrible! How do you play games?!” 

“I don't.” 

“You don't play on your Wii?! Or anything at all?” 

Hideo frowned, “What's… a Wii?” 

Takahashi's jaw dropped. She jumped to her knees and gripped his shoulders, tears streaming down her face, “What do you mean you don't know what a Wii is?! Have you ever played a console in your life?! Have you ever even played a game before?!” 

“... I used to play rock paper scissors with my brother. Sometimes sudoku too.” 

“WHAT?!” She shook him violently. Hideo felt his brain centrifuge in his skull, waves of dizziness hitting him, “Hey stop! I'm getting! Really! Dizzy!” he shoved her frantic hands off of him, swaying a little as his sight settled. 

“Sorry!” 

The brunette glared, massaging an oncoming headache. The sheepish dark haired girl sighed, “Why are you so busy? What's with all the extra curriculars? Like, do you like everything so much you wanna do it all?” 

Hideo dusted himself off, “It's what makes you valuable in society,” he couldn't remember how many times the chairman had preached this, “Having many talents makes you more important than others. Higher ups will look more favourably on someone with many achievements and a degree over someone with just a degree. All these extra curriculars build up to that, so I can have lots of achievements by the time I finish my degree.”

It felt like he was regurgitating the principal's words on autopilot. Hideo tried to ignore the thought. 

(The principal was simply right. The man knew strength, and he taught it.)

Takahashi’s mouth hung into an o shape, dark eyes wide, “... But my mum says asking as you do what fulfills you, as long as it doesn't harm anyone, you're valuable.” 

Hideo clenched his knuckles. 

( “A research scientist?” The principal dropped his enormous binder carelessly. 

Hideo almost knew what he'd say already, but the words jumped from his throat before he caught them, “There's a lot of potential for discovery! It may not be the most high paying job, but it's still respectable. There's many routes I can go into, there's many new sectors waiting to be delved into.” He was rambling, “If a great discovery is made, I could receive a Nobel prize, and then my name would be all over the world, in history books and more. I could still be a valuable member of society-, I could be strong!” 

The minutes of silence churned in his stomach, twisting into tight knots. He swallowed back bile, clenching his knuckles under the principal's office desk. 

“... And what if you don't make a discovery?” Violet eyes remained unmoved. Hideo looked away from their chilling tenacity, “What if you remain a nameless scientist, lost among the many failures who simply lacked the imagination to dream big?” The brunette breathed shakily, “... Some research sectors are very valued in the quaternary sector-” 

“Is this job very stable? Will you truly make a name for yourself? Are you, yourself, capable of achieving such greatness?” callous words dug into him. His hope and passion felt smothered by those cold irises.

“Yes, I can!” Hideo challenged desperately.

“When you can't even beat your own younger brother in simple academics?” He winced, shoulders hunched, “Do you really think you have the genius of a great name like Einstein? Or Newton?” 

No words came to his defence. Hideo chewed his lips.

“Such a dream is worthless,” the principal tore out the many sheets of research he'd lovingly compiled over months. Hideo swallowed back tears, digging his nails deep into his skin.

Science was one of his only interests in school. He loved learning about the world through new lenses. He loved reading through research papers. He loved looking at the night sky and naming all the stars he recalled. It was the only class he didn't fail to pay attention to. 

“Choosing a career through subjective lenses isn't logical. You must think about your talents and skills, their value, their place in society, how best to utilise your strength,” the chairman continues, crossing over Hideo's ideas, writing new ones.

“Why don't we look at a more realistic goal? Something both valuable and closer to your academic level.” Hideo nodded numbly, a chill creeping over his body. The principal's words drifted by his head. He nodded wordlessly, accepting the thinner binder and selection of uninteresting, boring, stupid jobs the principal thought suitable. 

Of course he'd never make it. Hideo kicked himself; he was incapable of even matching his brother, let alone discover something life altering.)

“You're mum sounds like a hippy,” he blurted through the growing lump in his throat. Takahashi scowled, “No she isn't! She's a teacher too! And a great one at that! She's not as big as your dad, but everyone loves her!” 

Hideo gave her a skeptical glance. The bell rang, giving him a quick escape. 

Takahashi didn't follow him. 

-

It was on his way to violin practice when he finally let the thoughts spill. He stood by the door, mind rampant with doubts. 

No one would make it far doing what they loved. They needed to do something important. 

It's not like a gamer would make it far in life. 

The principal was right. 

Hideo wouldn't be a good scientist, he had to settle on politics. 

You couldn't just get through life without tough decisions. 

Nothing came free. Happiness wasn't a factor in the future. 

Neither was his own control, apparently. The principal decided everything. Hideo was an obedient marionette on its way to success.

What would Takahashi know? Her mum probably wasn't a good teacher… 

(Hideo really did like science and its infinite possibilities… it's not like being a scientist was a bad job either…)

His watch ticked closer to 3.30pm. Hideo put his thoughts on the back burner, entering class. 

-

“Sir?” He pushed open the door gently, its creak unnerving in undisturbed silence. 

“What is it, Asano-san?” 

Hesitantly, the brunette showed him his papers on Takahashi and her strengths, “For the upcoming project, Takahashi-san and I have partnered up, and I was wondering when I would be free to coordinate some plans with her. Here are some of her key strengths for his project and her general academics.” 

Hollow purples glanced apathetically over her file, “... She seems quite mediocre. There are many better partners to have chosen. Gorou, for example.” 

Hideo didn't know why that stifled his breath, “She chose me before I made a decision. Given everyone else had already partnered up, I didn't see a problem.” 

The principal raised an eyebrow, “And you didn't reject her or plan ahead?” 

A bud of anger bloomed amongst his stress, threatening to burst, “She's a new student. It wouldn't be proper of me not to help her out early on. What kind of model student would leave a transfer all on her own? It's not like Gakushuu was putting any effort in,” he kept a careful leash on his fury.

The auburn haired man hummed, then tossed his files on the desk, “Alright then. I'll make some space for your upcoming project.” 

Gingerly gathering his crumpled papers, Hideo bowed, marching out in quick strides. 

The principal's office always left him rattled, suffocated. 

-

“The principal said yes,” he whispered in the middle of a maths class. Takahashi startled, brow jumping to her hairline, “Oh, that's good,” she whispered back. Hideo went back to chewing on his pen, eyes drifting to the glum pair of black eyes. Something stirred on his chest at her lack of enthusiasm.

“Sorry,” he quickly added. The girl lifted her head hopefully, “Sorry I called your mum a hippy. I'm sure she's nice,” he continues, adamantly staring at his work. 

“It's okay. She is nice,” Takahashi whispered, “You should come over one day for the project. I can show you some games.” 

“That…” would be a distraction, was a waste of time, he-

“That would be nice.” 

Takahashi smiled. 

-

It has taken three tests of consecutive scores of 96, 97 and 98 to finally allow the principal to invite her Takahashi over, and even then he'd been dismissive. 

Before she'd come over, he'd sat her down and went over the principal’s… peculiar behaviour, “He's… “ Hideo searched for the right word, “strict. You know we're always busy, and so is he. He's had to take a lot of time out of his schedule to watch us because our mother is never home.” 

Takahashi frowned, “Your mother isn't home? Where is she then?” 

He shrugged helplessly. The last he'd seen her was early in the morning preparing breakfast all by herself. Then when he came back later for said meal, she was already gone. 

“She's busy too. Listen, you just need to be patient and a bit more quiet.” 

“O… Kay,” the girl agreed reluctantly, brow furrowed deep. 

“Don't speak out of turn. He hates being interrupted.” 

She nodded, looking a touch concerned. 

“At dinner, if he asks you anything, just give a short answer, and try not to take it to heart. He'll probably just question Gakushuu.” 

Her concern grew. 

“Just…” he ran a nervous hand through his hair, “Just do what I do. Hopefully if we're both good, next time we'll go over to yours.” 

“Right…” Takahashi nodded slowly. 

The day eventually came. Hideo hoped it went well. 

“Thank you for having me over!” The girl bowed happily. Hideo tried to tug her quickly to his room, but the principal had already started speaking, “Of course, it's no problem at all,” he chuckled, a perfect façade of kindness on his face, “I'd just like to reiterate, what time will your mother come to pick you up?” 

“Tonight, at around 9pm if that isn't a problem?” 

“Oh my, that's sort of late, no?” Takahashi frowned nervously. Hideo scowled, the principal always had them up until at least 11pm doing all those assignments and worksheets, “If it's a problem I can call my mum to pick me up earlier…” 

“We're just trying to get most of the project done now, so of course she has to stay late. We won't be a distraction at all, sir,” Hideo quickly input. A cold bead of sweat dropped down the back of his neck.

“Hm,” the chairman eyed them like specimen under a microscope, “Of course, my apologies if I made you nervous, Takahashi-san. If you need any help, don't hesitate to knock on my door.” 

“Of course, thank you sir,”Hideo replied dully, tugging Takahashi along, “Thank you sir,” she called. 

In his room, he heaved a sigh of relief. Then winced at the state of his desk, panic grilling his heart, “Uh! Sorry about the desk- I'll fix it right away.” He'd lost count of the number of times the principal had him rearrange his desk to perfection after he'd misplaced notes or lost pens. 

(“How many times must I say this? You're no animal, so act like it ,” the man reprimanded while Hideo stuffed his rubbish in the bin and hurriedly reorganised his desk, “You're no animal. Stop being so disgustingly disorganised,” faint undertones of fury lined the principal's warning. The words pressed on his chest, stiffling his breath. 

He was always so messy, while Gakushuu continued being perfect in everyway.)

“What? What's wrong?” Hideo stuffed broken pencils in the bin. He gave his desk a quick blow, then rearranged his assignments neatly, “My desk. It's just really messy. Can't get any work done is everything isn't organised appropriately. 

(That was a lie. Hideo worked best I'm his own ‘organised mess,’ but the chairman despised, and he'd been punished enough times to avoid the man's wrath.)

“It's not that bad,” Takahashi reassured, “It's way better than mine usually.” 

She was just being nice. 

Hideo ignored her, breathing through the tight knot in his sternum, “Alright, let's get started.” 

-

Joking around and messing about wasn't professional. That's why they always worked in utter silence with no distractions. If it was legal, Hideo suspected the principal would just lock them in a sterile room with cameras and and only their work. 

“Distractions are everywhere,” he'd say, chaining his own flesh and blood to the desk, “I'm doing what's best for my prizes students.”

But Takahashi had a way of dragging an unwitting smile from him, and he didn't hate it, “Focus!” The brunette snapped, stifling a laugh as she drew some more… ‘exaggerated’ versions of his family. 

The principal was golden, hooked noses, misshapen and perhaps the truest look at his inner monster. Takahashi cackled madly, starting on his brother, and adding variations at his command. 

A click broke their jovial atmosphere faster than a pin drop. Lead plummeted down his oesophagus and Hideo snatched the drawing from her hands, crumpling it into the bin; Takahashi frowned. Guilt churned in his stomach. 

The principal leaned over them, violet eyes icy, “My, you both must be working hard, you're certainly loud.” 

Takahashi forced a sheepish laugh, “Sorry! Are we being too loud? We can tone it down…” 

“No no! If course not, I just wanted to check in your progress,” the chairman have a cheery laugh. 

Hideo glared, “Discussions are a necessary part of projects. Are we bothering anyone? Is your precious ‘Asano-kun’ bothered by us?” 

The chairman's eyes narrowed dangerously, “Now, why take a such a tone against your brother? He's not bothered at all.” The man patted his head, fingers digging into his scalp warningly. Hideo but back a wince, “Dinner will be ready soon.” 

The door shut. His breath returned to him. He turned to Takahashi, who's face was a abuzz with questions, “Why is he so scary all the time? I've only known him for a few hours but I wanna stay as far as possible from him.” 

The brunette rolled his eyes, “Tell me about it. Your drawings was pretty accurate to his real personality.” That drew a tiny smile from her, “... I don't really see you and your brother talk. Did something happen?” 

He sighed, leaning on his hand, “Nothing exactly happened… we just drifted apart,” his little brother was slowly replaced by the smug little perfectionist who never suffered, “He's always busy,” Hideo could barely stand to look at him, “He has new friends he always spends his time with,” Gakushuu probably didn't even like him; Hideo was never a good brother, “He's probably closer to Sakakibara-kun than me.” 

It definitely didn't hurt to say it. Gakushuu could be friends with whoever he wanted, it didnt matter to Hideo. 

(Protect your brother at all costs. Look after him.)

Takahashi's face filled his dreary sight, her bright smile dousing his room in light, “Well then he's missing out on my amazing friend!”

The brunette startled, warmth pooling on his cheeks, “Huh?” 

Her desk hair framed her pearly, white teeth, “You're one of the best friends I've ever had. Sure, you're blunt and pretty rude-”

Hudeo blanched, “Hey!” 

“But your honesty’s refreshing! Your brother looks like he's always acting-” “He is” “So it's kinda stressful being around him. But you,” Takahashi gave him a genuine smile, setting Hideo's heart on fire, “You’re real. You're really smart and more fun to be around. I don't have to worry around you. You're an awesome friend!” 

Surely this warmth blooming in his chest would burn him alive. He slapped his reddering face, glowering at his grinning friend . 

Hideo didn't need friends. He was fine alone. He did well alone. He preferred being alone. He wasn't Gakushuu, who put on a disgustingly perfect, sickeningly sweet act.

But if he had to have a friend… and it was Takaha- and it was Himari… then he'd be fine with that. 

Hideo found himself smiling. 

-

They cackled between each other about floating gossip around the school down the stairs. Hideo hopped into his seat, lighter than he had ever felt in years. Himari took the one next to him. They waited patiently while the maid (she'd been hired to take over their absent mother's duties) set up the table, Himari cracking jokes. 

Gakushuu took his seat, throwing them disapproving glares. Hideo scowled at him, “What are you glaring for? You're not being very courteous to our guest.” The strawberry blonde turned his nose up, “Perhaps if she were of a higher social standing, she'd be worth respect.” 

“That doesn't mean anything!” Hideo snapped instinctively at Himari’s timid frown, “I'm never rude to Sakakibara, even if I don't like him.” 

“Ren's actually useful,” Gakushuu shot back defensively.

“Oh, so it's Ren now? He doesn't sound just like a useful minion anymore, you're getting awfully close, aren't you?” the elder taunted. Himari’s concerned gaze flitted between the sparks of their argument, “Um… guys?” 

“Ren is just the most competent of my group. Of course he gets the highest priority.” 

“Spoken like a control freak,” Hideo muttered under his breath, turning to his friend, “Ignore him. He's just being a jerk for no reason.” 

Gakushuu's gaze narrowed impatiently, then perfectly smoothed out as steps entered the kitchen. Hideo swiftly fixed his posture, leaving his friend confused, “The principal's coming,” he whispered to her, “Unless he talks to you, don't say much. Keep a good posture and just give him short answers,” at his introductions, beads of sweat collected on Himari's nervous expression. 

Hideo sighed, “Let's just finish dinner quickly, so we can go back to working.” She nodded. 

Once the principal sat, their meals served, he motioned for them to dig in. The whole dinner was spent with Hideo's and Himari's utter silence; on the contrary, the chairman questioned his youngest endlessly, up until his sovereign gaze landed on the dark haired girl. Himari jumped, “Ah, Takahashi-san, my apologies. I've completely forgotten your presence here and started quizzing my son out of habit. Forgive my rudeness,” the man said kindly. 

Hideo threw him a flare. Himari waved him off, stuttering on a chuckle, “It's okay! I'm not bothered at all. Thank you for having me here,” she hurriedly said, eyes trained in her half finished dinner. Anxiety rolling in his gut, Hideo stuffed the maid's aromatic stew in his mouth, chewing on tasteless meat. 

“So, how much progress have you both made in the project? I know Gakushuu and Sakakibara-kun have almost finished; are you two there yet?” The chairman questioned, patting his mouth dry. 

“We're just over three quarters finished; we'll be getting the last of the main parts done tonight. Then we'll conclude our work at school,” Hideo answered accordingly. Himari nodded quickly. 

“Hm, that's very good to know.”

They continued in quietude until the auburn haired man continued. Hideo raised an eyebrow at his continued persistence on conversation, “Ah, how did everyone do in the recent geography test?” 

“I scored 99,” Gakushuu plainly said, focused on his dinner. Hideo threw him a nasty look, “... 93.” 

Himari fiddled with her fingers as two pairs of cold purples eyed her intently, “Uh… I got… 65,” she admitted. Hideo remembered geography being her worst, usually scoring below half. 

“Oh,” the principal's face twisted into surprise, “I wasn't aware you struggled with geography. Perhaps Gakushuu could tutor you?” 

Himari's brow furrowed, eyes creasing with hurt, “... My mum said I did good…” she mumbled to herself. Hideo bit his retorts, gnawing on his lip. 

“What was that? It's not very polite to mumble like an animal,” the principal's smile slowly morphed into his smug smirk, pleasant façade fading. 

“I said,” Himari's time rose, a wave of defiance backing it, “That my mum said I did good. It's my worst subject, and that was my best score.” 

Hideo tugged her sleeve silently, chilly dew plastered on his skin. 

The principal chortled jovially, “Of course! My apologies, I meant no disrespect. I simply offered some help to overcome that difficulty. My son is very capable; if you needes any help, he'd be happy to provide it.” 

Out of the corner of Hideo's eyes, Gakushuu threw all of them venomous looks. 

“I'm alright sir,” Himari answered calmly, “Hideo's been a great tutor to me, and I wouldn't want to bother Asano-kun anymore.” 

The chairman's smile thinned, “Well, if you say so.” 

Hideo and Himari rushed their dinners, “Thank you for the food,” he took her hand and bolted upstairs, shutting the door behind him. 

When he met eyes with his friend, angry tears shone in her eyes, “... I'm sor-” he started, but she cut him off.

“I hate him.” 

Hideo sighed, “Yeah… I do too… but there's nothing we can do about it,” tired of standing on wobbly, adrenaline crashing legs, he slid down the door. Himari room a seat by him, “He's such a douche bag.” 

“And a jerk.” 

“A manipulative one.” 

“I don't feel safe with my brother going to his school,” she said bluntly. Hideo frowned, “The principal may be a total jerk, but his school is still the greatest in Tokyo. Your brother won't get an education nearly as good elsewhere.” 

Himari hummed quietly. 

-

Himari's mother was just as bright as her, if not more. If Himari shone like the sun, her mother was the star she reflected, “Oh it's lovely to meet you, Hideo-kun! My daughter has only told me good things about you. You sound like a very bright young man,” she gushed. 

The principal kept a tight hand on Hideo's shoulder. He did his best to ignore its weight, “Thank you, mam,” he smiled. 

Himari's mother addressed the principal, “Thank you for taking care of her tonight. Perhaps Hideo-kun could come over for dinner? Or a sleepover? Only if he wants to, of course.” 

The principal gave a sheepish laugh, “We'll have to see. Unfortunately, Hideo is very bus-” 

“I'd like to go,” he blurted out. Nails dug into his shoulder, drawing a wince as the bruising grip stung sharply. He swallowed the rest of his words, “... We'll see. I'll get back to you once his schedule frees up.” 

Himari's mother's eyes dimmed a little, “Of course. Well, thank you for tonight. Have a nice a evening,” she led her daughter away, one of her brother's bowing politely, “It was nice to see you, principal Asano.” 

“Likewise, Takahashi Hiroki-kun,” smiled the principal. 

Himari waved at him. He waved back, stressed lines of his face smoothing over. 

As the door closed, nails digging into his shoulder yanked his hair, clawing his scalp in thinly veiled anger, “What have I said about interrupting?” Panic rushed through Hideo's veins. His breath quickened as the grip yanked again, his scalp screaming, “Well?” 

“I'm… I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to interrupt,” he dully recited, eyes blurring into a single spot of the entrance wall. 

The hold persisted, “Do you really think you have time to waste on such frivolous things?” the chairman taunted. 

Hideo gnawed on his chewed lip, “Gakushuu gets to go often, so why can't I?”

“Because Sakakibara does not drag Asano-kun down. He knows his place, and he is talented enough to keep up.” 

Friends were either stepping stones or useful allies. 

(Himari was neither to him. She just made him happy, in a way he hadn't felt in so long.)

“Sure,” the brunette scowled, “That doesn't mean his conduct is always perfect. He has a habit of flirting with every girl possible and starting some fights.” 

Violet irises narrowed, “... If something is wrong, then I'm sure Asano-kun can handle it. Eitherway, you're a fool for trusting her. She'll only bring you disappointment.” 

The auburn haired man's hand finally let go. Hideo pushed past the man, eyes burning shamefully. In his room, he slammed the door, furiously wiping at the onslaught of tears. 

Himari's bright smile in his mind's eye wavered. 

-

Gakushuu and Hideo walked together to school, since the principal declared that those who take a ride from their parents were lazy children who would inevitably become dependent in their parents (really he just wanted to be petty and force him children to walk even if it hailed). They were either silent or discussed upcoming tests and quizzed each other. Beyond that, their conversations never breached anything personal. 

Until Gakushuu opened his stupid mouth.

“Why do you hang around Takahashi so much? Her grades aren't even that good.”

Hudeo glared at the younger, “Don't start quoting the principal. I don't need two of you.” 

Gakushuu crossed his arms expectantly, “He has a point. Spending time with someone of lower strength and skill will only drag you down.” 

“Oh? Like all the ‘Weaklings’” he added in quote marks, “You call your friends that clamour to you everyday?” 

“That's different,” the strawberry blonde snapped, “In leading to strength, because I'm a leader , unlike you.” 

Hideo breathed sharply through the stinging comment. 

( “The greatest form of strength is to lead. The strong lead the weak. They guide the poor mindless masses. If you both want to beat me, you'll have to become worthy leaders who carry your classmates to victory.” )

“You can barely handle yourself and your own grades, do you really need someone clinging to you like that?” He continued, “You have to catch up to me.”

“Why are you suddenly so interested!?” He snapped when the boy was too close, “You've never cared before! You only spend time with your friends-” “They're not my friends -” “You keep ignoring me-” 

“ I'm not ignoring you! There's always space for you at our table. You're the one that never sits with us!” Hudeo blinked, startling back. Gakushuu's shoulders shook with each heavy breath, “Of course I want you to sit with us, but you never do. You're my brother and… and I still… love you,” he looked constipated saying it, but it warmed Hideo's heart nonetheless. 

“I keep berating you because I want us to defeat the principal together, ” he stressed as his hands gripped Hideo's blazer.

The brunette stared at the pavement, past his leading violets, “You say that, but do you really think I can ever get higher than I do?” 

“Yeah,” Gakushuu said simply, bulldozing his years’ worth of doubtful insecurities, “Because you're an Asano. You don't follow the crowd, you lead. You win . You're still in the top 5, there's time for you to tie with me.” 

Hideo swallowed the lump in his throat. For a moment, he imagined being first alongside his brother. He saw himself in the stage next to his brother, spotlight on them, and the principal's proud smile for both for them. Maybe they mother would be there for once. Everyone would notice Hideo. He'd be a winner, he'd be strong, like the principal. 

(He didn't see Himari in that future.)

Hideo pried Gakushuu's hands off his shoulders, “... That's easy to say. If it was easy to do, I'd have done it ages ago.” 

“You're just not focusing right,” Gakushuu reiterated, as he always did when Hideo's faulty memory failed him, “Takahashi’s in your way. She'll only drag you down.” 

The words stabbed his hopeful heart. He shook his head and hurried along the path, deaf to Gakushuu's calls.

-

Hideo stared at his lunch vacantly, not a single cell of his body was appetised by the maid's delicious food. His mother's had always been better. 

Gakushuu's words bounced around his head, like a broken cassette stuck on repeat.

Himari dropped her lunch and plopped herself on the grass, startling him out of his haze with a mini heart attack. Her face was set into a determined line. He wondered if she was to abandon him after Friday's debacle. He wouldn't be surprised, “How do I convince your stupid dad to let you have a sleepover at mine?” 

… “Huh?” He blinked several times. The words jammed his brain gears, “... What?” 

“I know he wouldn't just let you come over, let alone have a sleepover, so what needs to happen?” She say by him, more ook in hand. The brunette scrunched his face in confusion, “What the heck are you talking about?” 

“You said you wanted to have a sleepover at mine,” she said simply, “And my mum would love to have you over. I want you to meet my brothers. But I know your dad isn't that nice, I mean he barely seemed to like having me there,” she commented flippantly, picking at her food, “... I don't know what I did, but your brother seemed to hate me too.” 

Hideo winced, “They…” they probably did hate her… 

“That's not on you,” he settled on, “They're just… they have high expectations. So anyone that doesn't meet those requirements is basically vermin to them.” 

Himari pouted indignantly, “He made me think my geography test was terrible, even though it was my best.” 

A pang of empathy hit him, remembering all his subpar Japanese lit scores, “Yeah, he does that a lot. But it's-” 

“If you say it's necessary to make you strong, I will punch you,” Himari pursed her lips at his disbelief, “Listen, my mum's a teacher. And maybe she doesn't have a big name like him, but I know she's good. Because her students say it all the time. She tutors me when she's not too busy, she helps my brothers. And we all love her teaching.” 

He opened his mouth, but she ploughed over his argument, “And if that's not enough, then she still gets letters and presents from her students who find great success! The point is, I think your dad's wrong, and that he's just being mean!” The girl dropped her lunch, “So what if he's trying to make you strong? If he makes you feel what I felt then all the time, that's just wrong. It's cruel! No parent or teacher should do that!” 

Hideo felt a niggle of doubt worming into the principal's ideals sewed in his mind, “That's not- it’s… well, yeah, it's not nice, but it's necessary. It's how Gakushuu is strong,” bitterness seeped into his words, “You don't understand Himari. You haven't lived with him, you don't go to his school and you haven't seen the records-” 

“But my brother goes. He told me about the E class system after I pried it out of him. It sucks.” 

Irritation dug into him, “The E class system is necessary. That's what weaklings and delinquents get for slacking off. Without them, the school can't function the way it's meant to be. Failures are punished and winners are rewarded.” 

“But… but what if an E class student is having a hard time? What if they can't study because they have other issues? Where's the consideration for their personal circumstances?” her gaze grew melancholic.

“Personal circumstances should be put aside,” Hideo repeated automatically. Something about the words didn't seem right.

“But what if a student's grandma or family was dying? Could you really expect someone to ignore all that and study for some test?” Himari challenged softly, picking at grass, “Say your brother was ill and there was no one else to care for him. Would you really abandon him to keep studying?” 

The brunette winced. He… he couldn't abandon Gakushuu, no matter the jealousy that burned within him. 

(Protect your brother at all costs. Look after him.)

“I guess there.. are exceptions…” he tried. 

“But the school doesn't take that into account. They just throw students with bad grades in E class, and they're targeted. No one ever asks them what's wrong… they're just expected to keep working. It's cruel,” her voice - thick with emotions - wobbled. 

Hideo's eyes widened, “Did… did your brother fall into E class? Was he… hurt in there?” 

He shouldn't be feeling concern. Anyone in E class deserves their treatment. Failures are punished. 

(Himari's brother looked kind and hard working, like her. He couldn't imagine someone like that in E class.)

The girl shook her head, “No… it's-,” she hesitated, “It's not that. I just think… that the system’s so cruel. But your dad gets awards for it, people praise him.” 

Something unpleasant twisted in Hideo's gut, “... Because it works. It’s a good philosophy. Yeah, sacrifices are made, but a lot of strong students go on to live successful lives.” 

“... Is it really necessary? People can still succeed without bullying others. Look at all my mum's students, and hundreds of others. Plus, the stress it puts on everyone else… My brother studies so much just to stay in B class. He barely sleeps sometimes, I worry for him… the stress he puts himself under. Sometimes I think he'll-” she abruptly cut herself off. 

“He'll what?” Hideo asked quietly. 

Himari shook her head, “It's nothing. I'm just worried for him. What's the point if working so hard and stressing so much? It’s not good on your health.” 

“But it pays off,” Hideo countered, “You suffer now to be successful later. Then you won't have to worry once you're at the top; no one can ever take you down. Once you're there, any enemies can't reach you. The world will value you, you'll be rich and can live whatever life you want, making some kind of important impact.”  

“And then what? You sacrifice your childhood for some high paying job after trampling on everyone? Won't you be all alone at the top? How do you find happiness then?” dark haired shadowed her despondent gaze. 

Hideo thought back to the many lessons the principal taught them, their ultimate goal.

( To be strong. To be successful. To lead. Happiness isn't needed. There's no future in chasing happiness.

To be weak is to be Ikeda. To be weak is to fail, to die. To be strong is to succeed, to live, to make a useful, tangible impact, to be valued.)

“Happiness isn't necessary. Strength matters most. No matter what. I have to be strong.” he recited. The words poked uncomfortably on his tongue, almost foreign (they'd always been alien to him, someone weak).

Himari bit her lip, “How couldn't it be? What's the point of living without happiness? What do you live for then? When I'm not happy I…” her eyes watered briefly, “... It's the worst. When I can't find any happiness… I don't know if I can go on,” her voice dropped to a hoarse, delicate whisper, so quiet he assumed he wasn't supposed to hear it.

Hideo's eyes widened in panic, “What?” 

Himari took slow, deep and shaking breaths, “Sorry, sorry, just… ignore me. I was thinking about it over the weekend,” her lips wobbled again, “But the fact that you felt the way I did all the time really hurt… you're a really good friend, and I want you to be happy like I am… but I'm scared I can't do anything to help you… that you'll-” she shook her head, “I want you to be happy. I want to share my happiness with you.”

Something painful lanced his heart. He grabbed the ache out of instinct, bunching at his shirt uselessly. 

Himari's shiny gaze creased, “Hideo… if your dad said you had to sacrifice me to be strong… would you do it?” 

The question knocked his breath away, tightened around his throat. He looked away.

(Gakushuu would. He would sacrifice Sakakibara. The principal wouldn't even hesitate to throw away ‘useless connections.’

But Hideo… 

He thought about the short time they'd spent together. Himari was silly and loud, funny and bright, hard working, genuine, kind. She helped in whatever way she could. She shared her desserts with him every lunch. She loved spending time with him; nobody else did. Not even his supposed ‘fan club’ approached him, unlike Gakushuu's.

He…

She wanted him to be happy. Not even his own parents wished that for him.)

The wind blew over their silence. Himari's gaze fell to the floor. Her face crumpled, until Hideo spoke softly.

“... No,” he admitted, heart racing. The principal’s shadow was looming over him, berating his weakness, but Himari's quiet hope drowned the whispers squirming in his ears, “... Really? Even though your father- I'm not smart like others… he'd never approve of a friend like me; he made that clear on friday.” 

Hideo's gut twisted, sparks of anger fueling the fire of hatred for the man, “Yeah…” he didn't think it was worth it. Not if he was sacrificed whatever… this was. This fluffy, freeing emotion bouncing in his heart. This warmth he'd missed for so long. This… happiness, that the principal deemed unnecessary. This joy he didn't remember feeling.

“I…” his cheeks burned, “I like being friends with you. Beyond my brother I've never had friends before. ‘Was always too weird or awkward. I don't… want to lose you.”

He wanted to be strong… but was it wrong to wish for this happiness? Couldn't he be strong and happy? 

(He'd always been jealous of everyone else and their cozy, happy lives. Burning violet eyes would glare holes into their perfect little lives. Maybe they'd grow up worthless or beneath him in society, but at least they were happy. They had something. 

At least Gakushuu was strong. At least he excelled. Even if his brother wasn't happy, he had something. 

Hideo didn't. He wasn't strong. He wasn't happy.)

Her teary face softened with hope, “You wouldn't?” 

“You're my only friends- my best friend. I don't have anyone else. I'm happy with you, happy in a way I can't remember ever being,” warmth pressed the back of his eyes. Shame broiled in his gut; he stared at his feet, “You tolerate me everyday, you don't mind that I'm blunt or rude, and you don't make me change who I am… I feel like myself around you,” a smile tugged his lips. He didn't fight it.

Arms wrapped around him. Himari lurched forward, face buried in his collar, “I never tolerate you! You're the one always tolerating me- you're always helping me… you're my bestest friend I've ever had!” She spluttered through sobs, “I'm so glad you're my friend!”

His stomach twisted, skin crawling at the foreign touch… but his heart warmed, and his arms hugged her back automatically. He leaned into kind touch, heart racing in fear and joy. 

“... I'm glad you're my friend too,” he whispered, arms tightening around his best friend. 

Chapter Text

For his sake alone, Himari worked tirelessly to improve her grades. For Hideo to be allowed at her house, she'd have to become someone ‘worthy,’ someone the principal deemed ‘strong, useful.’ 

That didn't make her whine any less. 

“Arghhhh, I'm so tired of this!” frustrated hands ran through long locks of dark, frizzled hair. Hideo knocked on her skull, “Then stop complaining and do more work. The faster we do this the quicker you'll get to relax,” he scolded for the 76th time that month. He loved her, but she was getting on his nerves. 

“How do you do this everyday? I already want to drop out!” 

“You tell me…” he muttered while correcting her work. She'd improved by leaps and bound since they started their intensive study sessions. Himari was well on her way to getting into Kunugigaoka, and if she did, she'd gain more points with the principal. 

Surprisingly, his own grades had started going up the more he tutored his friend. She helped him with Japanese lit, just about the worst subject in existence, enough that his mark regularly scored in the high 90s. 

Gakushuu had seemed pleasantly surprised, knocking on his door to congratulate his recent midterms, “You're scores are going up,” he'd remarked, leaning in the door. He thought he was so cool, the little shit. 

“I've been tutoring Himari, and she's helped me on Japanese lit,” he retorted, scheduling the times they could study what subjects and what kinds of questions to ask for from the principal. 

Gakushuu's judging silence grated on his nerves, “Look, if you're still going to tell me Himari's a bad friend and I should leave her, I'm not hearing it. Just leave.” 

His brother did so, no without an ominous, “You'll see.” 

Dread churned in his gut.

-

Hideo stares for a long time at the insides of the fridge.

“Hey, hurry up and heat up dinner. I need to get back to studying.” 

He kept staring, eyes searching every crevice as cold air blew on his face. 

“Hideo, hurry up,” Gakushuu urged, swinging his legs. The brunette scratched his hair, “I would, if there was any food.” 

“Huh?” The strawberry blonde hopped from his seat to peer with him, “I think mother forgot to leave some food with us,” he commented. Just then, twin grumbles echoed in the silence.

Gakushuu sighed impatiently, “Of course she forgot our dinner. She probably forgot we even existed,” he scowled as he slammed the fridge door. Hideo frowned; he hadn't seen their mother since last week. 

The principal wasn't an option, and they didn't have any money. There was only one option left, “What do you want for dinner?” he started pouring through the many cupboards. Gakushuu have him an incredulous look, “... What do you mean?” 

“What do you want for dinner?” 

The younger’s brow furrowed, “Don't be ridiculous. You can't cook.” 

“And you can?” Hideo challenged, “Either we call the principal,” Gakushuu grimaced at the idea, faintly shivering, “Or we try to call mother. Or we order takeout and guess the principal’s credit card number. I don't think any of those are happening.” 

After a moment of silence, Gakushuu relented begrudgingly, “Fine. I want…” fingers tapped his chin pensively, violet eyes searching the ceiling for a meal. Gakushuu's gaze lit up with excitement, “Mum’s fried rice and curry- that one's really good.” 

“Oh! Good idea,” Hideo's mouth watered at the thought, a smile growing on his face. He tested the hob quickly before putting pans and a few cutting boards, “Alright, you find a recipe and in the meantime, I'll start on the rice.” Thankfully their expensive rice cooker was easy to navigate. 

Gakushuu have him a sour pout, “How come you get to do the difficult stuff? I'm not a baby.” 

Hideo rolled his eyes, “You're still younger than me. Plus, I have a better grade in Home EC than you,” he cracked his knuckles in anticipation. The strawberry breath let out a suspiciously doubting sigh, shrugging to himself. Hideo threw a carrot at him. 

Gakushuu threw it back. 

-

“So, remind me how you were better than me at all this?” Gakushuu dryly commented, leaning in the door frame as fire erupted from the pans, some of them still bubbling over. 

Warmth burned Hideo's cheeks, though that might have been the heat engulfing the entire kitchen, “Shut up, you brat! I wasn't the one who left the chicken curry too long!” 

Gakushuu’s shoulders hunched guiltily, “I was setting up the kitchen table!” He protested, pink dusting his face. 

“That doesn't matter! Get the fire extinguisher!” 

The fire alarm went off. 

“Fuck!” 

“Hey don't swear!” 

“I'm not a baby, I can swear when the situation calls for it!” 

Hideo frantically threw bowls of water at the growing fire on the stoves. Gakushuu finally came back with he fire extinguisher in tow, unlocking the device to finally spray it over the burning kitchen. 

They stared at the mess that stared back, charred counters and cupboards sizzling. 

“Well,” Gakushuu sighed, crossing his arms, “That went well. Good going genius.” 

Hideo elbowed him. 

-

“So, you both thought it was better to attempt to cook on your own, unsupervised -”

“Technically we supervised each other-” Gakushuu tried. 

“Well clearly you didn't, if the burnt kitchen is anything to say.” 

They winced..an old instinct Hideo had thought dead arises as his hand searched for his brother's, giving a tight, reciprocated squeeze. 

“Why did you just eat your mother's dinner?” The man continued to scold, pacing around the dining room. 

“There wasn't any,” Hideo supplied, eyes warily training after the principal, “She forgot.” 

He stopped abruptly, head turning at a snail’s pace towards them; almost like a creepy, old robot, “She forgot… to leave you both dinner before leaving?” 

They nodded. 

Lead dropped in Hideo’s stomach as the chairman's logical gaze burned with fury. He threw them a takeout menu alongside his wallet, “Order what you want. I have some calls to be making,” he muttered profanities under his breath they just about heard. 

Gakushuu searched the menu. Hideo stared at a stain on the floor, gaze forlorn, “Nii-san, what do you want?” 

He remained silent, face resting on his face. 

“Hideo, hurry up,” the younger earned, waving the menu in his face. Hideo accepted it hesitantly, picking through the menu in a lackluster manner. Gakushuu frowned, “What's on your mind?” 

“... We probably won't be able to sleep tonight,” he concluded. 

Gakushuu's face twisted slightly, eyes dsrting away from Hideo's, “... Just don't focus on it. It's none of our business.” 

“You can't except me to ignore them whe they start breaking ornaments,” he commented flatly. Gakushuu snorted, “And they call us the children.” 

“Yeah,” Hideo agreed, leaning in his arms. He thought about their mostly absent mother's smile, something faint and rare. They barely spoke anymore, not unless Hideo came down earlier than the other two (which was unlikely). The photo of them on the fireplace mantle was little more than a facsimile: a dysfunctional family with a failure of an older son; a neurotic and obsessive winner of a younger son; a psychopathic and sociopathic chairman; and their absent, neglectful mother who always left. 

“... I just can't get over her forgetting to make us dinner. She never forgot that…” his chest hurt, words sandy in his tongue. Gakushuu gaze a derisive snort, grip tightening enough to crumple the edges of the menu he'd snatched back, “I'm not that surprised. She's barely home, she's only here for breakfast before just leaving us. At least the principal cares enough to be home.” 

Hideo hummed quietly, “But imagine being married to that man? I hate him as his student, I can't imagine being married to him.” 

“Well, that's her own fault for marrying him.” 

A faint memory tugged at his attention. Blurry and scratchy, a man a lot like the principal smiled brightly, kind hands stroking through Hideo's hair, “... He used to be different,” longing stung his heart.

Gakushuu tensed, “Huh?”

“The principal,” Hideo eyed the photo of a fake family forcing their smiles, “He used to be kind. She probably married that man, rather than the principal.” 

He'd thought about the kind man at night: the one who used to read them stories and kiss them goodnight; who taught at the cram school that was now E class. 

“Don't think about it,” snapped the strawberry blonde. Hideo startled at his tone, “There's no point. He doesn't exist anymore. So don't think about it. Besides, that doesn't change the fact she doesn't care,” he spat rather bitterly.

The brunette sighed, chest hollow, “I guess…” he mumbled. The photo of them seemed shrouded in darkness.

Their mother the next morning (after a predictable night of yelling, crying and glass smashing - the expensive pot that used to decorate their table with flowers was mysteriously missing) hugged them both, sobbing with self-deprecating apologies. 

Her touch was cold, foreign, alien. Hideo thought his skin didn't like the way she held them like her children. Gakushuu had little more than a stony expression in the face of her tears. Her apologies were too late: she was forever branded as an uncaring woman who ran in his mind.

Gakushuu was right: she married him, she made the choice. She left them to him everyday. She didn't care. 

(She would've stopped if she did. He used to believe she would, when he was very little.)

Their mother stopped going out so often, holed up in the guest room with a bottle for company. She made them breakfast, lunch and dinner, but was little more than present in the house. She might as well have never stopped going out, with how little they saw her. Or maybe he was just avoiding them as much as possible. Maybe his steps were quiet and he walked within the shadows of the house. 

Maybe he just never left his room. It's not like there was reason to.

-

“Hideo, Hideo,” Himari poked his arm incessantly while he tried solving the principal's packet of tests, tests that she was also supposed to be doing . He took a deep, vexed breath through his nose, “What part of working don't you-” a colourful cube was shoved in his face, topped off with a bow, “Happy birthday!” Himari yelled, “I tried wrapping it but I was wasting too much wrapping paper, so my brother gave up. That's why it has a stick-on bow instead.” 

He stared, mouth empty of words, choking on his tongue’s dryness. She stared back unflinchingly in the face of his blinking confusion, “... What?” 

“It's May 10th! You told me that was your birthday when I asked,” the cube with a bow shines in golden sunlight. 

Hesitant hands accepted the gift, careful, gentle. He dropped his work in favour of cupping it, “... You bought this for me?” 

She nodded simply. 

Hideo bit his quivering lip, fighting the warmth pressing his eyes, “.... It's… it's nice, thank you,” his whispering voice breaks.

Himari heaved a sigh of relief, “You like it! Thank goodness! I was kinda unsure but I didn't really know what to get-” as she kept rambling, he carefully peeled the bow off before turning the cube in his hands. 

A slow, delicate smile stretched over his face, eyes shining in wonder. 

I love it , be thought dearly, admiring the wonder in his hands. 

He spent days figuring it out, turning the sides until methods clicked, until he managed two cubes to line up. Then he worked until more faces aligned, at the cost of his revision. He sat in his room, fiddling with it on his chair, forgotten tests strewn once his desk. 

“Oh, what's that?” His mother had asked softly, walking by his room. He started, shielding the cube by his chest, “Uh… a birthday present from Himari.” At her confusion, he clarified, “My friend. From school.” 

Mother frowned, “Oh… I didn't realise you had a friend.” 

He focused his attention on the cube again, biting back a stingy retort, “She came over for dinner once. You weren't home.” 

“Oh… well, dinners ready.” 

“Okay, I'll be down in a minute.” 

She lingered by his door, strawberry blonde hair framing her fatigue, downcast gaze, “... Bring your brother down, too.” 

“Okay.” 

He and Himari discussed it at lunch. 

Gakushuu warned him about being overly attached. 

The principal made a comment on his messy work, rushed and riddled with silly mistakes. 

But Hideo's fingers twitched for the cube everyday. He worked tirelessly, a passionate fire burning within him to solve it. The urge to mess with it during class persisted even as he forced his attention on his teacher's words. 

The joy that tingled under his fingers was a happiness like no other. Himari excitedly awaited the day he finally aligned all the colours. 

The day he did was the day he remembered why he was the principal's student. 

-

He'd won the competition, grabbing an easy first. The cube had a home in the crevices of his fingers, fitting perfectly in the grooves of his hands. The golden trophy gleamed unlike his silver ones, and its weight was tangible in his arms. 

“Congrats! You did it!” Himari dragged him into a hug, her warmth spread to his insides. He grinned, all giddy, skin buzzing pleasantly. 

The principal hasn't said anything, nor had Gakushuu smirked like he did for every gold trophy Hideo brought home. He ignored the sting dulling his achievement. 

Then their test results came back. The history test he'd forgone revision. 

The one with a bright red, mocking 76. 

Hideo swallowed ash. 

Gakushuu's judging violet gaze bore holes in him from the front.

-

“What would be the fastest way to solve this cube? Any ideas?” 

In the principal's office, Hideo's toes curled and unfurled anxiously. Finger clammy with sweat, he flexed them. They moved stiffly, as if wading through cement. His throat was dry of words. 

“Asano-kun? Or rather Asano-san? Given this cube,” he tapped Hideo's birthday present lightly, “Seems to be your specialty.” 

Hideo winced, shoulders hunching as if a predator eyed him. 

Gakushuu eyed him from his narrowed gaze. 

“... Uh, the fastest method would be the CFOP,” he supplied hesitantly. The chairman's smile thinned, “Indeed. It is quite a fast method. Why don't we test the results of it?” He tossed the cube to Hideo, timer in his other hand. The click signalled his start. Hideo quickly and efficiently solved each side, slotting the cube in the right place, “Done!” He called. 

Violet eyes bore into the digital timer, bland smile plastered over his shadowed face, “37 seconds. Very good,” there was little pride lining his tone. Hideo didn't think he did very well. 

“Asano-kun, now you try,” he'd let Gakushuu fiddle with it a few times, showing his brother how the methodology worked. But his brother wasn't the one fiddling with it everyday. He studied diligently.

“Done!” the strawberry blonde yelped, beads of sweat dripping down his pale face. 

“49 seconds.” 

Gakushuu winced. The principal's gaze narrowed with displeasure.

“Solving the cube certainly is fast,” he commented while turning it in his hands. In the dim light of his office, the screwdriver glinted, almost like a warning, “But there's a much faster way,” the metal head stabbed his cube, jammed around until it fell apart, only its skeleton remaining. The screwdriver as well had stabbed his heart, with the way it ached every beat. He blinked back tears, gnawing on his lip. 

“You break it apart and put it back together,” the auburn haired man simply said, bland smile twisting in the shadows cast across his face. The scattered pieces echoed, some landing by his feet. 

Hollow purples bore directly into him, “Well then, Asano-san? Why don't you try this out?” A click sounded. Hideo couldn't drag his gaze from his broke  present, cold fury spreading from chest to his clenched knuckles. 

“Well? Get to it,” the principal's tone lowered an octave. The brunette started into action, gathering the individual cubes and struggling to force them in correctly. 

He wordlessly handed the cube back, “33 seconds. Hm,” the chairman tapped his timer impatiently, eyeing him apathetically. Hideo glared back, jaw tightened, teeth grinding behind his lips. 

(In his mind's eye, he was strangling the principal, hands wrapped tight enough to snaps the man's ne-) 

He closed his eyes tight.

“Asano-kun, your turn,” Gakushuu efficiently picked up and placed the cubes back, calculating every move so perfectly, “Done!” He exclaimed, holding up the chipped plastic. It looked dull in the office light, Hideo absently thought. He wondered how Himari would react.

“30 seconds. Very good.” 

Gakushuu let out a faint sigh. Hideo felt his self control start to slip. When the broken cube was thrown his way again, he quickly put a leash on it (lest he throw it at the principal), “We'll keep going until you're both able to significantly improve your timings.” 

They did so until the structural skeleton snapped from wear, “Ah, that's a shame,” the principal lightly commented, standing over Hideo who feebly gathered the chipped and cracked pieces, “But you're both aware now, that sometimes, to win, you do it at any cost.” 

The suffocating tendrils that smothered him wrapped around his throat, choking his shallow breaths. He wanted to rip them off, he wanted to run and hide and never see that mons-

“But what about cheating, sir?” Gakushuu crossed his arms, “Isn't this cheating? What if you get caught?” 

The principal simply stared, “Yes. That's the point. You're supposed to win at any cost, whether unfair play is involved or not. And if you get caught, then that's the punishment for your own incompetence.” 

Hideo knew who that was a jab at. He stood up, cold numb spreading again, staring at a lone cube until a shoe squashed it, “Do you understand now, Asano-san?” Icy fingers gripped his chin, forcing his blank gaze to stare deep into empty violets, “Sometimes sacrifices are needed. If you want to be strong, like your brother, spending time around mindless masses is a waste of time.” 

Hideo wrenched himself free from those gnarled hands, breathing heavily through his nose, “Otherwise you'll end up trampled on in the future. Just a mediocre lamb who'll never find purpose in life,” as he walked past them, the brunette grinded his hatred to dust through his teeth, “Oh, and Asano-san?” Hideo glanced back to meet with a mocking smile, “Clean up your room. I didn't raise you to live in a mess like a filthy animal.” 

“You'll both be attending my school soon. I expect you both to excel, to be the very best and examples to the rest of the students. Disappointment, and there will be dire consequences,” the door shut firmly. 

Hideo picked up the nearest object and threw it. The rest of the pitiful cube shattered on the door. Gakushuu tsked as he heaved through his burning anger, “Don't throw a tantrum. You brought this on yourself.” 

“Did I ask for your opinion?” He growled back. 

Gakushuu sighed, making his way to the door, “What did you expect? You wasted time with that stupid thing and your grades suffered. You heard the principal,” briefly, the chairman's outline spoke to him, “You have to be willing to do anything to win. You have to make sacrifices. I'd sacrifice Sakakibara if it came to it,” the strawberry blonde paused briefly, “And you have to sacrifice Takahashi went it comes down to it.” 

Hideo's soles were glued to the floor, heart thumping in his ears.

Himari's smile gleamed in his mind. 

“Otherwise, you'll end up weak. Just like Ikeda .”

Faint, blurry memories of a diet blonde filled his mind, patchy and spotty here and there. 

The door shut again, leaving him in dimness. 

Hideo clenched his knuckles, teeth sanding against each other. A cold chill danced on his spine as he imagined himself in the future, mediocre and trampled on, weak.

Himari's brilliant grin wavered.

-

“Hey? Where's your cube?” 

Guilt churned in his stomach, combining with his fear to leave a sickening taste in his mouth, “I left it home. I need to focus on studying. And so do you.” 

The dark haired girl’s brow furrowed, “Hey, what's wrong? You don't seem well,” she pressed a hand to his pale face. 

He waved her off, “I'm fine. We have another test coming up,” his clipped and terse tone left Himari frowning, gingerly picking up her textbooks as they revised in silence. He squashed the smidge of guilt urging him to talk. 

Happiness has no place in the future. Strength mattered most. 

That was what the principal taught. 

You had to avoid failure, even cheat to win. There were consequences to failure. There was success awaiting a winner. 

Happiness had no place anywhere. 

Maybe… 

Hesitantly, he stole a glance at his one and only friend. She seemed lost in her studies, brow dragged into a determined frown. 

Maybe he shouldn't be wasting time like this. Maybe he should be studying with Gakushuu, getting rid of distractions like Gakushuu, making sacrifices like Gakushuu. 

What mattered in the end was strength.. right? 

His fingers crumpled the pages they held. 

What was so wrong with chasing happiness? It's not like he'd ever be strong. 

( “I keep berating you because I want us to defeat the principal together,” he stressed as his hands gripped Hideo's blazer.

The brunette stared at the pavement, past his pleading violets, “You say that, but do you really think I can ever get higher than I do?” 

“Yes,” Gakushuu emphasised, bulldozing through years’ worth of insecurities, “Because you're an Asano. You don't follow the crowd, you lead. You win. You're still in the top 5, there's time for you to tie with me.”)

Maybe he could be… 

“Hey, how do you do this again?” She pointed to a particularly thorny question. Himari hated math almost as much as geography. She scraped by with passable grades, “I won't have to worry about it ever again in the future, so why does it matter?” She'd said so simply. Video wished he had that kind of mindset. 

But here she was, going above and beyond, all so they could have a sleepover at her house. All so she could share her happiness with him. 

(Something he'd forgotten without her.) 

There's nothing wrong with chasing happiness, Hideo thought to himself, his fondness for the girl blooming like the flowers around them. If being strong meant sacrificing someone like Himari, he didn't want to. She didn't deserve it. She didn't drag him down, Hideo was the incompetent one. 

But around her, his world was so bright, so beautiful. 

He didn't want to leave it behind. Not yet. 

( “It's not like you'll ever be strong,” a voice hissing in his ears, much too close to his, “You've always settled for mediocrity. Why would the chairman ever want you? He's ashamed of you.” 

It stung, ringing the truth. 

“He only cares about Gakushuu.” 

Only Gakushuu was praised for his efforts. Only Gakushuu brought home perfection. 

Only Hideo stood in the shadow of failure.)

-

The shiny cover of the thick book glinted in his room’s light. Hideo furrowed his brow, inspecting it from the front, sides and back, brain cogs turning 100 miles per hour. 

It couldn't be anyone else but his mother. His birthday was a little more than 3 months ago, back when Himari had presented him with his Rubik’s cube. The principal never bought them gifts, and Gakushuu couldn't afford to (nor would he, had he had money). 

The glossy words picked his interested: a beginners guide to university level science!

He sucked a hissing breath through his teeth. He wasn't even out of middle school. Either his mother thought him that capable (unlikely, as much as he'd hoped), or she didn't really pay attention to him. Tightness swelled in his chest where his lungs would expand, suffocating him. 

He skimmed the contents curiously  eyes drinking in the many complicated words he yearned to learn. There was a lot that picked at his interest, brain alight with a flame. 

But the principal would probably throw it away if he found it. And Hideo wasn't ready for this kind of level. 

He looked around his room for a suitable hiding place. The floorboards with some loose money and a faded picture seemed decent enough. He'd need to make space, prying a few more planks loose under the carpet. 

The book looked at home among its fellow inhabitants. He smiled slightly. 

At dinner, he eyed his nervous mother flitting around the kitchen, hovering over pristine plates, washing sparkling cutlery. The principal and Gakushuu were silent, focused on their meals. 

He whispered a quiet thanks as he passed her, “Gakushuu's birthday is on the 1st. Don't forget to get him something as well.” 

She paused briefly, before continuing.

-

He shouldn't have done this. Why had he? What was he thinking? 

(He'd just wanted a break, some freedom. 

This wasn't it though.)

“Hideo? What's wrong?” Himari’s curious frown peered at his pale, sweaty, haunted expression. The phone in his hand vibrated, ‘Principal’ staring him down. His heart raced, a lump choked him, his skin crawled, his spine shivered. 

Why had he done this? Why didn't he go to cram school? Why did he skip violin practise? 

(Because he hated cram school. He hated the violin. He hated it all- 

“That's simply an excuse for the weak. Whether you hate it or not isn't the deciding factor, but your drive for strength. Your dedication.”

Dedicated and strength he still wasn't showing after all these years.)

“Oh,” Himari's tone dropped nervously, face stiffening into fear. Hideo, very hesitantly, as if wading through a swamp, answered the call, “...” He swallowed the dry lump in his throat, “... Sir?” His voice shook against his will. He couldn’t be showing weakness like this. 

“Ah, Asano-san, I was wondering where you were, given your cram school and violin instructor called.”

His stomach curdled, cold sweat dripping down his face, leaving a chilling trail, “I…” his words faltered, “I was… at the library, sir. Studying,” the brunette forced slow, deep breaths to glide through his lungs. If he panicked here, he’d lose. Calm. He had to keep calm. 

Himari’s concern radiated from her distraught expression. 

Hideo swallowed thickly in the wake of the principal’s silence, “You were at the library? As opposed to your extracirriculars?”

“I-...” what could he possibly say? He was playing hooky? With Himari of all people?

“Come home this instant. We’ll discuss this further.”

Hideo cut the call swiftly, staring at the tiny device that had just announced his doom. His fingers shook, loose hold on his phone slipping. 

“Will you be okay?” Himari finally asked. Hideo let out a shivering breath, “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you to hang out with me-” she rambled hysterically, tears brimming. 

The brunette cut her off, “It’s fine. I made this decision. This is my fault for skipping them. I’ll see you later,” with a clipped response, he threw his bag over his shoulder and ran home. 

-

The office was cold and dark, filled with an impressive aura he thought he was used to. 

Stepping in, his breath was stolen as furious violet eyes stared him down. The tense, suffocating atmosphere grew shadowy tendrils montone words echoed off, “Imagine my worry when I learn that you haven't attended two extracurriculars with no warning of prior committments,” the principal leaned on his hands, elbows poised symmetrically on his desk. 

Hideo clenched his shaking hands. 

“Quite a waste, don't you think? I pay money for you to learn and grow stronger, and here you are continuously sabotaging those attempts,” the chairman fiddled with a slip of paper, “You’ll be entering my school soon alongside Asano-kun. At this rate, you'll only be making a fool of yourself, and my ideology.” 

Bitterness bubbled in his mouth as he spat, “Well, maybe it's because your ideology isn't particularly effective.” He only had a second to savour the man's frustration when fear doused over his confidence. 

Calm! He had to stay calm, or else he'd…

“My ideology is flawless. It's up to the student to show dedication and follow it to become strong. Then again, I suppose you've been clinging onto distractions instead of making necessary sacrifices, no matter how many times I've warned you.” The sheet was flipped, printed ink shining in dim light. 

Hideo's stomach dropped. 

“Perhaps a warning will make you understand,” The principal stood abruptly. He backed away, wide pupils shivering as the man's shadow swallowed him. Wordlessly, the chairman grabbed his arm, dragging him to the car. 

Hideo focused on his erratic heart beat, buildings passing in a blur. How could he have been so stupid?! What had he been thinking?! 

( “Hey, wanna hang out? I saw this park earlier, it's usually empty so we could do whatever! You could study there too.” 

Her offer seemed like honey to his tired and bored brain. He had cram school and then violin. He hated cram school and the violin hurt his fingers. 

“Sure.”

The park had seemed bright until his phone had inevitably vibrated with a call he'd pushed to the back of his mind. )

The building was isolated, far from his home, from anywhere he knew. Among the colourless scenery, it looked like a prison. 

Bile burned his throat.

“Ah, Asano! You're here,” the man that created the principal held a hand out to Hideo, “And you must be Hideo-kun! Your father's told me you've been having some trouble. Fear not, our school would be perfect for you.” He shook the man's hand, touch burning. 

Silently, as the men conversed, Hideo took in the pristine walls and rooms. The silence made his thoughts echo unpleasantly, “At this school, we like to create an environment where students can focus without any distractions,” as they passed identical classrooms, all the students had their heads buried in work, headphones over their ears. 

From the angles he could see, all their faces were devoid of emotion, eyes vacant. 

A chilling shiver crept up his spine. Cold sweat dropped down his face. He quickly hurried to follow the two adults, eyeing the principal from the corner of his eyes. The auburn haired man’s calm smile as he spoke let Hideo know one thing:, he was serious. 

If Hideo kept messing up, if he held onto useless distractions (Himari wasn't useless), if he failed again, he'd- 

He cut his thoughts off abruptly, fear coursing through his veins, icy. The brunette gave the studying student one last glance, pupils widening when one suddenly screamed, thrashing his desk. A group of security removed him quickly, screaming and thrashing. 

Briefly, he saw himself being dragged to the cupboard for the 100th time, screaming and crying until his voice gave out, until the filth he sat in was home, until the wetness on the floor dried, until Gakushuu’s sobs died down to hiccups, until the door finally opened. 

“Oh, pay no mind to him,” the man kindly told Hideo, sweet honey dripping from his words, “Some students are a bit… troubled, they just require a short time out before they calm down again.” 

The hand on his shoulder burned. 

The principal's smile mocked and warmed him. 

In the car, Hideo worried his lip until metal filled his mouth, until the principal's voice broke him from his haze, “I don't want to have to do this, you know?” 

Hideo glared. 

“But if you leave me no choice, I won't hesitate,” the man's stare sharpened in the rear view mirror, “If you don't like it, show me your strength. Prove yourself strong enough to fight me back. Focus, and perhaps you'll claw your way to the top.” 

The brunette’s shoulders hunched, Himari's bright smile dimming in the halls of that prison. 

He tugged at his hair fruitlessly, clenched jaw biting the sobs lodged in his throat. 

-

Sacrifices were necessary, right? 

“Hideo, focus,” Gakushuu whispered harshly, before giving Hanami a kind smile and guiding her through the questions. 

They were necessary… right? 

He avoided Himari's searching gaze, hiding in his textbook as she walked past him. 

Chapter Text

He hated it all. He hated the principal. He hated school. 

He missed Himari. 

But he didn't want to go to that prison. 

He wanted to be strong. He wanted to right? (He had to be strong, there was no other choice). He wanted freedom. He wanted to chain the principal down until the man couldn't even talk to him anymore. 

“We'll defeat him together,” he'd promised Gakushuu years ago. 

He had to make good on those words now. 

Forcing a polite smile, Hideo started helping Hashizume, ignoring the burning gaze drilling holes in the back of his head. 

-

In spending more time with Gakushuu, he started to learn of the group that hung around his little brother. In particular, Sakakibara Ren, who Hideo remembers as the smiley seven year old they met in class one day, who had taken an immediate liking to Gakushuu.

“Heyyyy Gakushuu! Wanna go karaoke this afternoon?” The brunette with side swept hair casually threw an arm over his brother, something Hideo wasn't even allowed to despite being Gakushuu's older brother . 

“Ren, how many times have I told you I'm too busy?” The strawberry blonde sighed, slapping his ruler on his friend's desk, “And focus, I can't risk having you fall down only to make my work pile bigger,” Hideo didn't miss the glance Gakushuu threw his way. 

‘Okay then, be a dick,’ he thought, ignoring the stinging in his chest as he helped Okuda. He liked Okuda, the shy girl with pigtails and a very quiet demeanor. She didn't talk much  and barely asked for his help. He wondered why, but didn't press for her sake. He'd assumed she was maybe anxious around groups of people, and since a good quarter of the class was present with them in the library studying, he could understand her fears. 

She smiled as he explained another part. Okuda seemed smart enough, especially in science. He'd originally seen her read more complicated books in earlier years, their titles fuzzy but the authors definitely big names in chemistry. 

“U-um… Hiideo-k-kun,” Okuda slapped a hand over her mouth. The brunette raised his brow, “Yeah? What's wrong?” 

For a long moment, she stared, lips wobbling, eyes creased in frustration before shaking her head. He frowned, head tilted to the side, “Is there something you needed?” when she shook her head miserably, he started looking at the textbook, noting which parts she seemed to struggle with. 

“Do you… need help with this part?” With his pencil, he tapped the part of the textbook left empty by her. She brightened up and smiled, “Yyyes!” 

Her strange speech pattern did garner his attention briefly, but not long enough for his to keep paying attention to it. Instead, he focused on remembering his own approach before teaching it to her. 

Her smile softened, looking more at ease. 

From the corner of his eyes, he eyed the brunette and strawberry blonde duet arguing over work (rather, the younger baby was scolding his older friend who waved it all off with a wink). They were closer than Hideo and Gakushuu had been in years… 

What did it matter to him? He wasn't jealous at all. 

Ren’s grin brightened as he retold Gakushuu something, and his brother's stern frown actually softened briefly.

He wasn't jealous. 

-

For months, the cycle repeated and looped, agonisingly so.

Wake up. Prepare for school. Sit through a silent breakfast with Gakushuu. Walk in silence together.

9am class. Pay attention. Listen and write, listen and write, listen and write until the words melted into you brain. 

10am, repeat. 

11am, repeat. 

12pm, lunch. Sit in silence as everyone conversed with Gakushuu. Force your cheeks into a polite smile that felt taut, engage in light conversation. Chew through tasteless lunch, even though you loved your mother's cooking.

All while ignoring the lonely pair of eyes digging into your skull. 

1pm, class again.

2pm, repeat. 

3pm. School ends. Say goodbye before heading to cram school.

Sit down at your seat. You're the second best after Gakushuu. He works diligently, wordlessly. Fight the envy clutching your hurt, ignore the jealousy tugging at your twitching fingers. Focus on your own work, even though your brain won't listen anymore. Force it to focus- read and read and read until the words blur. Keep reading and writing until the formulae leave an imprint on your brain. 

Keep going, as your heart cries out for rest, for anything else.

4pm. Walk always from Gakushuu and you head to your separate curriculars. 

Block be thoughts that plague you. 

‘I hate this I hate this I want to go home I want to leave Why am I doing this I miss Himari what's the point I don't want to go to that school I don't want to be sent off I don't want to leave I want to be strong I can't be strong I miss Himari I miss her I'm not even good enough why the heck am I even trying-’

Next is violin, so poise your fingers and play until your skin burns a raw red. Keep playing as your teacher yells and slaps your crimson hands with his baton. Keep a straight face, apologise for being a screw up, and keep practising, until a beautiful melody fills the room.

5pm, another curricular. It's karate today, so pull your Gi on and face the students much bigger than you. Face them head on; swallow your fear; remember your past victories and draw out another. Put down anyone who thinks they're stronger than, like the principal taught. Turn your heart off as they cower.

(Ignore now horrified Himari would be, as you pummel a crying boy to the ground.)

Relish in the cheers, the praise, and briefly believe in it (even if the principal's voice is whispering in your ears. 

“Not good enough. Asano-kun would have been faster. He almost hit you there. He grazed you here.” )

Keep fighting, even though fatigue claws at your eyes and brain. 

6pm, another curricular. Repeat. 

7pm. Another curricular. Repeat. 

8pm, finally go home, only to study more. Get to your room and collapse on your desk, as the day weighs in you. 

Hide your face in your arms, hold back the sobs shaking your shoulders and aching in your throat. Breathe through the rough torrent of emotions. Clutch and tear at your hair to silence the noise. Pull and pull until the pain is louder than your thoughts. 

The door clicks downstairs. The principal is home. 

Force your face back to neutrality. Open a textbook and study, until mother calls toy down for dinner. 

Enjoy a tasteless meal in oppressive silence, eating together like a grotesque facsimile of a family. Avoid the principal's callous eyes, ignore his words that haunt you.

( “But if you leave me no choice, I won't hesitate. If you don't like it, show me your strength. Prove yourself strong enough to fight me back. Focus, and perhaps you'll claw your way to the top.” )

Finish dinner faster than the rest, and rush to your room. The principal stops you briefly, your heart in your mouth

“Going without a greeting?” 

Your jaw locks against your will. Force out a, “My apologies. How are you, Sir?” through gritted teeth and a dry mouth. Keep your quivering gaze forward, pretend not to notice the chilly dew dripping down your neck. 

The principal nonchalantly answers. His eyes crawl on your skin, like a centipede. Mother looks around anxiously. Gakushuu keeps a straight face, chewing. 

The principal clears you. You walk briskly upstairs, because running away is a sign of weakness. You close the door slowly, because slamming the door is childish, and childishness is unfit of the strong. 

Shower before Gakushuu finishes, so you don't fight over who goes first. Then study, study until the clock reads 1am. Then answer the questions you forgot about earlier today. 

Hope the principal hasn't seen that. Hope the principal doesn't see any weakness to correct today. 

(Hope futilely, because there's always something to be corrected with you. Fundamentally, there is something wrong. Something to be corrected, an ugly weakness. The principal's eyes are omniscient. There is no hiding your weakness.)

Briefly, your mind wanders to your friend. The only person who's understood you in years, who's all alone because of you; who is so kind to you; who you abandoned wordlessly. 

Banish the thoughts when the principal's threat replays. 

Sleep around 3am. 

Wake up at 7am. Rinse and repeat. 

Seconds melt into minutes, hours, days. A haze settles over your days, bland and boring and tiring and stressful. Everyday you wake up with a foggy mind, strings pulled by the principal, living by his word. 

Study. 

Practice. 

Study.

Practice 

Study.

Practice. 

(When will it end?)

Study.

Practice.

Study.

Practise. 

Your grades climb and drop. The principal skims over your improvements and punishes your failures. 

You sit for hours in the trophy room, perfectly cooled for the shiny trophies, leaving a chill seeping into your bones. Forced to admire your little brothers achievements, his success, his perfection, you sometimes wonder what it would be like without him- 

And recoil in disgust. 

“Asano-kun, despite being your younger brother, has yet to fall from his first place. He consistently scores perfection and wins every competition. I've had to very rarely correct his flaws. He is perfect at school, with a wonderfully built pecking order soon to be implemented at my school.” 

The principal's callous voice wormed into his ears, digging and digging, etching words deep in his brain.

“So why can't you?” 

Failure. 

He was tired. 

He was cold. 

He was wet. 

The rain pelted him endlessly, like little ice daggers. 

His soaked shirt and pants clung to his skin, pressing red, raw marks on his skin like ice burns. He should’ve been shivering, but he was long past that point. 

The cold didn't bother him much anymore. How many times had he sat outside in the rain? How many times had he spent the night in a claustrophobic closet? How many times had he dunked his hands in ice, thrown away or smashed his disgusting silver trophies? How many times had he tasted the ash of failure? The burnt flavours of his punishments scorching his mouth, as the principal simply srood over him, violet eyes empty. 

(Too many times to count.)

Hideo looked up at the clouded sky, and wondered when the light of success would finally shine upon him. 

The clouds didn't part that day.

-

He's tired when she ambushes him. Too tired to fight back or care. 

Himari drags him by the arm conspicuously, pretending to be a ninja. She’s always so silly, so stupid, so… bright. Carefree. Happy. 

Jealousy twists in his gut, burning as anger for a second. He wrenched his hand from her tight grip. They were back at their favourite hangout spot, under that warm light that slipped through the tree’s leaves. 

Himari kept her back to him. Hideo nervously scratched his arm, skin prickling in the tense silence. 

She mumbled something that didn't reach his ears. 

“What?” 

Himari spun on her heels, eyes ablaze, swollen red with tears, “Why?! What did I do!? Why did you just leave me !?” 

His heart sank. Hideo’s gaze fell to the floor as she yelled, “I thought we were best friends! I thought we were gonna study together and get top grades together! I thought we'd hang out at the library like other kids do! I thought I'd finally get to invite you to my house and everything! I thought we were friends !” 

Something in him jumped in a panic. Against everything the principal and Gakushuu lectured, he spoke from his heart, “We are! But I can't just spend time with you- the principal and Gakushuu- if I'm not good enough I'll- I'll-!” 

Flashes of stone, dull walls; suffocating silences and the empty look in those students’ eyes… 

The memory of that kid screaming burned him.

Hideo shivered, hands shakily clawing his arms, “... I can't go to that school…” he whispers desperately. The principal's gaze weighs on his shoulders, all seeing and all knowing, “ I can't. ”

Himari wiped stray tears (he'd made her cry, hadn't he? Himari deserves better than him), “... What do you mean?” 

The principal in his ears told him to shut her down. Leave her then and there, turn his back for the last time and burn that bridge. 

She's a hindrance, he whispered callously, centipedes crawling around his shoulders, She's useless. She'll only drag you down. 

Before him, Himari shone in the sunlight as usual. It wasn't not the success he fruitlessly chased. 

It was… warmth. It was kindness, a gentle happiness, but happiness. The same happiness that made all those years bearable. 

He didn't want to go to that school. But he didn't want to lose her either. 

In his eyes, path split; before him was a the light of Himari: her warmth, her contagious joy, her… 

Behind him were the dark shadows of the principal, centipedes crawling over all the people he'd have to trample. He rushed a look back, closing his eyes as a ruse of bile hit him. 

Hideo takes a deep breath, “The principal… you know he's not normal, and not… the greatest father,” he began cautiously, heart in his mouth. His eyes searched around him for the all seeing principal, begging just this one time the principal couldn't see him.

Himari nodded empathetically. He wondered if she was still sore about her treatment that day. Who wouldn't be? 

“He said… that if I don't keep up, if I don't start to show him my strength, he'll… send me away. To some prison school. He wants to send me away to some school for lunatics- it's not normal there. Everyone was eerily silent, with vacant gazes- and- one kid started screaming and they just dragged him screaming! The walls were so disgusting, everything was so dull- just being there made me feel crazy! I don't- I don't- I don't…. Want to go…”

His voice broke, shameful tears pricking his eyes. Hideo risked looking up, expecting her to laugh, to scorn his weakness, to tell him that was his place there. 

Instead, carrying the world's empathy, Himari looked positively horrified. Her eyes filled with tears before she tackled him in a hug. He yelped, and they both fell, her weight crushing, but he didn’t mind. His arms looped around her back instinctively. 

He'd missed this… this warmth, this gentle fire he and Gakushuu would sit around in their early childhood, making smores with the man that used to be their father. 

“I'm so sorry he's doing that to you,” Himari sobs into his shoulder. Her tears soak his shoulder, “I'm sorry he's being so horrible to you. I'm sorry he's so evil and you ended up with him. You deserve so much better.”

He didn't. He never would. 

But hearing Himari say that… sometimes, it seemed believable. 

Hideo bit his sobs back, guilt gnawing at him, “... I'm sorry I left so suddenly. I'm sorry I cut you off without explaining anything. It was a shitty thing to do- I hated it all the time, I really missed you, but I told myself I didn't need you…” 

Himari sat back up, wiping her tears, a pained smile stretched across her face, “I-it’s okay, I kinda get it now. I thought I'd done something and lost my best friend,” she gave a choked laugh that strangled him, “... I'm glad it wasn't something I did.” 

He blurts out the words before he couldn't think them through, “It could never be you. It's always the principal,” bitterness coats his voice. Himari nods grimly, taking his hands in her, “One day, I'll get you out of there.” 

Hideo's eyes widened, wondering if ears had failed him, “... What?”

Himari remained resolute, “One day, when you're old enough, you have to escape. Your father- the principal is evil , he's horrible, and he'll probably kill you from overexertion one day.” 

His lungs tightened at the thought, struggling to find anything in himself to deny it, “... The principal wouldn't go that far…” he tried to ignore the many punishments, the nights he'd spent melting by the radiator, working until the sun blinded him, until his skin was semi permanently a raw red, until the principal was finally satisfied. 

Himari grabbed his shoulders, her eyes staring straight into his, “ Please , everytime I watch you suffer by his hand, it hurts… I just want you to be happy like me. I want you to live with me- my mum and brothers would love you! And we'd protect you until the ends of earth!” 

Hideo held his breath, mind wandering to such a world. A world without the principal… or Gakushuu or his mother. A world without his mother's food, without Gakushuu near him, without the principal looming over him every waking and sleeping hour. A world where he didn't curl up until the cupboard doors opened; where his hands were resistant to the cold and so pale and numb; a world where he wasn't a failure. 

(He would always be one… but at least Himari wouldn't see him that way.)

“That's…” amazing wonderful horrible freeing scary wrong wrong wrong, “Probably not possible.” 

Himari’s frown deepened. 

“I'm not saying I don't want to,” a part of him burned for wanting so, for being so willing to leave Gakushuu all by himself. 

(But Gakushuu was the principal's favourite, surely he'd be fine by himself? Most of the time it was Hideo being punished, compared to his shining and perfect younger brother.)

“But it would look terrible on the principal if one of his sons just up and left. What do you think news reporters would say?” He shivered at the thought of the principal's ice cold anger, “But… you promised me a sleepover at yours, where you'd show me all your games more.”

Himari's gaze brightened, “I want to go to yours at least once.” He took her hands in his, “Let's make it happen. And when I'm 18 and out of his grasp, I'll visit as often as I can.”

Tears shone as they slipped down her face, “That sounds perfect. I'll do my best to make that sleepover happen.” 

Hideo felt his face warm as his face stretched into a fond smile, one he didn't think he'd ever be capable of in his bleak future. 

“Thank you, my best friend.” 

Chapter Text

The more he started spending time with Himari again, the more his world suddenly seemed bright. He'd missed the light. He hated his dull world. 

Gakushuu glared from his desk, but what did Hideo care? He had his own friends and so did Hideo. Himari never distracted him, “So kindly buzz off, little brother,” he snarled at the strawberry blonde glaring him down. 

Gakushuu's brow furrowed before he swivelled on his heel and stormed off, just like the little brat he was, “Fine. But if the principal comes after you for it, then don't say I didn't warn you.” 

Hideo scowled at his brother's retreating back.

The thing is, he didn't hate Gakushuu. Maybe a part of him did (a part he was deeply ashamed of), but he cared for his little brother. He tried to look out for him, like big brothers did. 

It's just… Gakushuu didn't need that protection. He was perfect, the model example, first in everything, simply exemplary in the principal's eyes. 

He didn't think Gakushuu needed protection. He didn't think Gakushuu got punished. Because Gakushuu was the favourite- the principal wouldn't ever risk scratches on his perfect model, would he?

Hideo was expendable. Gakushuu was not. 

But really, those were just excuses to be blind to his brother's suffering. They were his pitiful excuses to hate Gakushuu's talent and superiority and turn a blind eye on his brother.

(Because he was useless as an older brother he couldn't even keep one single promi- )

It took Gakushuu's best friend to remind Hideo who the principal really was. And that favouritism didn't mean much in their family.

-

Geography wasn't his best or worst. He felt nothing towards it. He did know it was one of Gakushuu's weaker subjects. 

Just not that he'd ever lose 1st place for it. 

Concern had wormed into his brain when his brother wasn't in his room after their extracurriculars. Granted, Gakushuu being the overachiever he is, meant he had more and came home later. He had seen Gakushuu storm out of class earlier that day, barely sharing any words with anyone…

But after dinner, when his brother hadn't come down, the dread mounting in his stomach finally made itself known. 

“Um…” cold purples landed on him. He swallowed nervously, “Sir, where is… Gakushuu?” 

In a cold voice, the principal simply answered, “Your brother's whereabouts is none of your business. You should be focusing on yourself, Mr 3rd place.” 

Hideo grimaced, keeping his head low. The silent warning hung over him; his hold on his cutlery tightened.

He did as told, returning to his room to open a text book, mindlessly reading and reading until the words blurred. 

Curiosity dragged him from his seat to knock on Gakushuu's door. The lack of an answer made him frown. Carefully, he tested the doorknob. Unlocked. The brunette peered, eyes narrowing at the lack of strawberry blonde hunched over his desk. He entered hurriedly. Everything was as sparse and minimalist as always. 

At the desk was a crumpled sheet. Hideo's eyes widened at the red 94, just a mark above his own geography test. 

‘Had Gakushuu… gotten 2nd?’

He hadn't thought it possible. Gakushuu hadn't gotten 2nd since 1st year of elementary. Gakushuu wasn't as incompetent as him. 

Bile burned his throat at the idea of where Gakushuu was. His mind drifted to the small wardrobe in the basement, or the trophy room… 

Hideo clenched his knuckles, shaking his head, ‘No, the principal wouldn't do that to Gakushuu…. He only did that to me. Gakushuu’s the favourite. He’s the golden child.’

Before he left, a hint of red and blue in his brother's drawer caught his eye. Sneaking a glance at the shut door, Hideo opened the drawer. 

An Optimus prime figure, out of place among the notebooks and notes, lay within scattered and scrunched paper. 

Who could have… Ren? Gakushuu's birthday was months ago, back in January. But Ren had gotten him the tickets to go skiing for a week. It couldn't have been the principal… then-

‘Gakushuu’s birthday is in January. Don't forget it.’ 

Mother… 

Footsteps echoed close by. 

His heart rate shot up, goosebumps dotting his shivering skin. 

‘The principal might find this, especially with Gakushuu gone.’

He grabbed the figure before sprinting out of the room, met with the principal right by the door, “Asano-san, what were you doing in Asano-kun’s room?” 

Shit.

Hideo took a deep, quivering breath, stuffing the figure deep in his pockets, “Just taking something of mine back. I leant it to Gakushuu, but since he's nowhere to be found, I got it myself. Can I go now?” A slight crack crept up the tail end of his words.

Sweat dripped down his neck, chilling, icy.

The principal's eyes narrowed, “You're awfully hurried, aren't you?” 

Hideo forced his composure to return, dragging his gaze back to those empty husks of eyes, “Not at all. I'd just like to get back to my work. Afterall, I have to prove my strength to you, don't I?” 

The principal smirked, its edges twisted in mockery, “Indeed you do. Especially since you've decided to waste your time again with that girl .” 

His heart stung. Hideo clicked his tongue, “What does it matter to you who I spend time with? As long as I'm not slipping behin-” 

“And yet you don't climb higher. You waste time fraternising with some common, mediocre student who holds you back. You've yet to make any decent connections, leaving everything to your brother.”

Hideo bit back the angry tirade bubbling in his mouth, “... She's not a distraction. She's strong. And so am I,” the lie tasted like venom. 

The principal's face twisted, a chuckle escaping him, “Strong? You? When you barely understand the meaning of that word?” 

The centipedes crawled from behind the man, scuttling over to him, “Make no mistake. You and Asano-kun have yet to truly understand what it means to be strong,” the principal gripped his head, fingers digging into his scalp. He dragged Hideo's head up, peering into his shaking irises, “That's why I have to continue guiding my foolish and arrogant students -  who surround themselves with idiots - to such strength.”

Hideo cursed himself when a whimper escaped his throat, clammy hands tightening around Optimus prime. The familiar grooves of the figure brought him back to a time when Gakushuu was his precious little brother… back when he cowered behind him in the face of the principal… when Hideo was still a worthy brother. 

“... I may not be strong yet, but I won't let you say that about Gakushuu. A single 2nd won't kill him, it doesn't make him weak ,” from the sudden surge of icy confidence born in him, he spits at the principal's face, “And Sakakibara isn't some idiot, he's Gakushuu's trusted and loyal friend.” 

‘Even more trusted than me…’ 

“You'd better be careful saying such things, if someone were you hear you, it wouldn't look so good, would it, sir?” He taunted, vicious satisfaction twisting in his chest when the man's calculated gaze twitched. He harshly let go of Hideo's hair, his roots stinging where the man's figures had begun to tear, “I have better things to be doing than entertaining some fool’s childish words. Get back to work. I don't want to see you out until tomorrow afternoon.” 

Hideo's heart sank. Tomorrow was a Saturday… 

He rushed into his room, cradling the Optimus prime figure in his hands. His heart raced painfully, wobbly legs giving out. Leaning on the door, taking short, staccato breaths, he cursed the principal over and over. 

At least he'd protected the figurine. As expected, the principal had entered Gakushuu's room. 

-

Hideo did as told and only left after the ridiculous pile of work suddenly dumped on him (he imagined it a petty retaliation for his words), dragging himself for some leftover lunch. Mother said nothing as she laid his plate out, as if her youngest son hadn't vanished and her eldest hadn't appeared until late noon. 

Hideo apathetically dug into his pasta, chewing slowly. Soon after, he heard a jingle of keys and the door slam. 

For the rest of the weekend - as he worked and studied and snuck some texts with Himari under his bed - Gakushuu hadn't appeared. He hadn't seen his brother since Friday. The prickling sensation of dread plagued him, until Monday morning, when his brother finally appeared.

Pale as a ghost; deep bags staining his dull violet eyes. 

Hideo shot out of his seat on instinct, “Gakushuu!?” He leapt towards his brother, pulling his face into his arms. 

Even more shockingly, Gakushuu didn't fight it. Their mother's eyes lingered in them, her hands twitching towards them, her gaze shaking, until the principal spoke, “Leave your brother alone and finish your breakfast, Asano-san. Asano-kun can handle himself. I'm sure he's learnt his lesson.” 

Mother flinched away, busying her hands with the principal's coffee. Hideo shivered, holding Gakushuu close. 

“Asano-san, don't make me repeat myself.” 

He carded through Gakushuu's matted hair, glaring, teeth chattering slightly, “You vile monster ,” he whispered under his breath. 

Irate eyes dug into him, “ Asano-san .” 

His grip on his brother shook, until Gakushuu pulled himself out of it and sat down. The blank, vacant stare in his eyes had vanished for the same cold, hard stare of their class’s leader. 

Through it, he could still see a trace of fear. 

Hideo took his seat and finished his breakfast unenthusiastically, barely stomaching it. He threw glances at his brother often, stuck on the slight quivers of his fingers.

He sighed, even as they walked together to school. Any attempt at reaching his brother was met with harsh dismissals, “It's nothing ”, Gakushuu would snarl, hands deep in his pockets. 

Hideo's feet came to a stop, his brother's back drifting further away. 

In the end, he wasn't a worthy older brother. He could barely protect himself, let alone Gakushuu.

He was a failure of a brother.

-

Hideo had thought the ordeal over, with Gakushuu's fight slowly returning to him. His brother was back on top of it almost immediately, diligently answering questions and helping everyone, bar him and Himari, of course.

The only strange thing was Gakushuu's cold shoulder to Ren, who's constant attempts at attention were either entirely dismissed or met with a glare. 

‘That’s never happened before.’

Gakushuu was probably still recovering from… whatever punishment the principal had deemed necessary. He just needed time. 

That was what he'd thought, until Rem texted him one day. 

Himari and he were at their usual spot for lunch, sharing desserts while studying maths, when his phone vibrated. They weren't supposed to have their phones with them, but whoever listened to that rule? What he hadn't expected was a midday message. Gakushuu was a stickler who never broke the rules, except the stupid phone one. Anyone who needed help tutoring would wait until after school. 

Curious, Hideo pulled out his phone. The name caught his eye, “... Ren?” He muttered. Himari leaned over, “Who is it?” 

“It's Ren, Gakushuu's best friend.” 

The message simply read “Can you meet me after school? I'll wait as long as I need to.”

Ren barely spoke to him, since he was always glued to Gakushuu. He'd tried to flirt with Himari once or twice, but a couple of harsh rejections had demented the lessons. 

Himari giggled, probably remembering the same thing. 

A small nugget of doubt echoed in the back of his mind. He wasn't particularly jealous of Ren, he just… didn't get what Gakushuu saw in him, or why he hung around with him so much (more than with his own brother ). Then again, Gakushuu felt the same towards Himari. Hideo was just nicer, since he didn't actively show his ill will.

But for Ren to contact him of all people, he had a feeling it was important.

He typed out a simple response before pocketing the device.

-

The brunette finally arrived as the sun set, their destination changed to a local park since the school had already closed.

Ren was a confident and tall guy - a smidge taller than Gakushuu, something he loved to hold over him -, handsome and popular, the picture of cool . At least, to almost all the girls and some guys. 

So to see him so anxious and jittery, shoulders hunched and a miserable frown painted on his ‘god-like’ face (as Ten always put it), definitely had Hideo confused.

“Hey, sorry I'm late, I just finished all my extracurriculars.” 

Ren shrugged, making room for him, “So you have a lot clubs too, huh…” 

Hideo plopped on the bench, heaving a sigh, “Yeah, I'm sure Gakushuu's droned your ears off with the reason. I have less since I'm not as neurotic as him.” 

That drew a small laugh from the darker brunette. Ren's tiny smile fell soon after, “Hey uh, I'm sorry for dragging you out so late.” 

He shrugged the boy off, “It's fine, I'd rather be out here than studying inside anyways.” 

Ren hummed, “... It's just- Gakushuu's… stopped talking to me completely,” the dam broke as sobs wracked Ren’s shoulders, “He glares at me whenever I try to get his attention. He avoids me at all costs and everyone thinks it's my fault,” Hideo's heart clenched as the usually smiling boy sobbed, “I thought he was my best friend… but maybe I was wrong…”

The lighter brunette sighed, hugging his knees, “Can you think of anything that set him off?” 

Ren wiped his eyes, sniffling, “I mean, it all started after I got better than him in that geography test.” 

Hideo's eyes widened, “Oh…” he let out instinctively. Suddenly, everything clicked. 

The other boy shot up, “‘Oh’? Oh what?” 

Hideo grimaced, unsure if he should really talk… but letting Himari know had been cathartic for him. Maybe it would do the same for Gakushuu. 

Or maybe it would make him hate them both. Then Ren wouldn't have a friend and Hideo would lose a brother. 

He took a deep breath, “... Do you ever think the principal's… a little off?” he eyed Ren from the corner of his sight, “Like, do you get any… bad vibes from him?” 

Ren shuffled on the bench, “... Yeah, kinda.” 

Relief bloomed in Hideo's chest, “Even though I don't know why. He's always so nice and polite. He's the principal of a famous school. He's won tons of awards. But every time I see him… he scares me,” Ren admitted in a tint voice. 

Hideo hummed, gathering the remnants of his courage, “It's because… look, don't freak out of judge, and don't go to Gakushuu and shake him for info,” he held the boy's stare adamantly, “I'm only telling you this so you get more context, okay?” 

Ren nodded unsurely. Hideo continued, “The principal is… he's harsh. Really harsh. He wants us to be perfect. We have to be number 1. And Gakushuu usually is… but when-” the words lodged on the lump in his throat. Hideo tried to clear it, “When we fail… he punishes us,” he said through a heavy heart. 

He heard a gasp from his side. 

“The punishments are… they're hard to deal with. They're cruel sometimes. But it's because-” because he wants to make us strong, came the mantra. 

For whatever reason, Hideo couldn't say it. 

“What… kind of punishments?” Ren timidly asked. 

Before his eyes, the darkness of that suffocating closet closed in on his vision. His hands tingled with numb ice. His skin sweat as the radiators heat scalded him. 

He shook his head, heaving, “I don- I don't want to talk about it. It's not important.” 

Ren nodded, “Sorry…” 

“It's fine,” he sighed, “I just… wanted to let you know that, when we fail, there's consequences. And I imagine the principal told Gakushuu something he tells me everyday.” He slapped his mouth. He didn't need that last part- curse his impulsiveness! 

Ren's eyes widened, “What?” 

“... He probably told Gakushuu that you were in the way. That you dragged him down and he had to cut ties off with you. That if he stayed friends, you'd eventually ruin him.” 

Ren jumped to his knees, outraged, “That's ridiculous! I'd never do that! He's my best friend!” The boy cries, grip on his shorts shaking. Hideo sighed, “I know… but I assume that's why Gakushuu’s avoiding you right now. He's probably angry you got a better score than him. Mad at himself he didn't get 1st. And dealing with whatever the principal did.” 

Ren swallowed nervously, messing with his fingers, “Uh… can I ask one more question?” 

No. 

Hideo grimaced, “Go on…” 

“What's with the cupboard in your basement?” 

His heart stopped, skin crawling. 

Ren continued, looking at the charm he'd been fiddling with (Hideo hadn't noticed- were those Gakushuu's favourite colours?), “The last time I went, there were lots of locks and it was really old. There were scratches too, and a horrible stench from it. The principal said he was about to get rid of it- that maybe some rats got to it while he wasn't looking, but…”

Hideo dug his nails into his arms, gritting his teeth, “... You can probably guess what it is,” he said shortly. 

Ren shivered, horror twisting in his face, “But that's- that's… that's illegal!” He exploded. 

Hideo sighed, “Yeah, but what can anyone do about it? He has the world wrapped around him with his perfect image.” 

“But surely an adult wou-” 

“I'm pretty sure Gakushuu already tried, but no one would ever believe us. He's spent years building up a perfect image and we're a part of that. He wouldn't let us get far if we did try to ruin his persona.” 

Ren’s gaze grew defeated, slumping in the bench. 

Hideo sighed, lungs feeling hollow, “Look, I didn't tell you to earn your pity or for you to try and help. And you better not let the principal know you know, or he will kill us.” 

The boy's lips wobbled, “Would he really!?” 

Hideo grimaced, giving a half shrug, “Well, I'm exaggerating… I think,” the principal couldn't risk it, not without his public image being tarnished… but if he played his cards right, and Hideo messed up enough… then may- 

‘No, the principal wouldn't do that. He would just kill his own son.’

(They weren't really his sons though. They were his students . Models.

… Defective models were replaceable.)

Hideo shook the thought from his head, “I'm giving you context because my brother may be a little shit but you're a good friend to him, and I want it to stay that way…” he cheeks burned, whispering the last part. 

Ren's eyes shone. He wiped his tears, nodding firmly, “I won't stop being his friend. He's my best friend too!” 

Hideo felt a small smile tug at his left, shoulders relaxing, “Good to know. I'll try and talk to him, but I can't guarantee much.” 

Ren frowned, “Why not? You're his big bro right? Doesn't he listen to you?” 

“... Since he's better than me in every way, he probably doesn't feel the need to listen or rely on me. Heck, the principal berates him for doing so… it's not like I was ever a good brother to him…” he buried his face in his arms. 

“... I'm sure that's not true. He's always worrying about you and Himari. I don't know why, because Himari’s sweet and smart, but… he really cares,” Ren said earnestly. Hideo hummed nonchalantly. 

“If he still ignores you after I talk to him, then honestly? Just ambush him. Like that he can't run away or escape.” 

Ren looked a little scared, “Are you sure that's a good idea? What if he attacks me?!” 

Hideo grinned, “You'll be fine. Gakushu knows when to hold back.” 

The darker brunette didn't seem relieved, though his face smoothed into a genuine smile, “Hideo… thanks for this. I really appreciate it.” 

Speechless from such a genuine show of gratitude, Hideo gathered his things and started to leave, “W-well,  you're my classmate, so it's my responsibility to help anyways. And if my little brother's being mean to you, it's up to me to teach him a lesson, you know? A-anway, it's not a big deal.” 

Before he left, he gave Ren a meaningful glance, “... Thanks for being there for my brother,” when I can't. 

Ren grinned, “Of course! You, me, Gakushuu and Himari should have study sessions together!” 

Warmth bloomed at the idea, “Yeah… you better not flirt with her though.” 

The other laughed, “Haha! I know, I learnt my lesson. Besides, I've got my eyes on Toga right now,” he grinned wolfishly, eyes shining. 

Hideo sighed, suppressing his smirk, “Yeah, good luck with that.” 

-

Cornering Gakushuu wasn't particularly easy, especially since he was so busy and he couldn't drag Gakushuu away from extracurriculars, lest they both get in trouble. 

He struck gold on a day when the principal and their mother was out. 

He bathed into Gakushuu's room soon after getting back, warning a growl from the younger, “How many times have I told you to knock!?” He snapped, hand snapping his pencil. Hideo waved him off, “Yeah yeah, that's unimportant. I need to talk to you.” 

He could see the gears turn in his head before the strawberry blonde’s eyes narrowed, “There's nothing to talk about. I'm busy. Go away.” 

Hideo sighed, a twinge of pain in his chest. He scratched at his arm, “... You're being horrible to Ren. You know that? You're his best friend, and I know he's yours too,” Gakushuu's hand stopped writing.

“Ren has nothing to do with thi-” 

“Cut the bullshit, Gakushuu. He clearly does,” Hideo glared, “You're mad that he got better than you and now you're acting like a shithead to him.” 

The younger slammed his desk, leaping from it, “I'm just doing the right thing and leaving behind useless pieces! I'm not like you! Who wastes his time with someone useless and continues to make himself weak for some measly happiness!” The boy smacked his chest, gaze narrowed deep under his furrowed brow, “I'm different. And I will be strong enough to beat the principal!”

Hideo thought he saw a hint of tears, though it could have been a trick of light.

“I will sacrifice those I need to be strong. ”

Hideo leaned on the wall, thinking of the days where he meaninglessly searched for that strength. Gakushuu's words stung, since they weren't entirely untrue… It wasn't like he still wasn't… but first and foremost, he just wanted to be with Himari. That had come to mean more to him than some superficial concept he apparently would never understand. 

But Gakushuu… 

“You can't really believe him… the principal,” Gakushuu flinched ever so slightly. Hideo felt his shoulders tighten, “I have a feeling I know what he did and said… he's just being shitty. He does that to me all the time. But… that- doesn't mean he's right.” 

He looked Gakushuu in the eye, heart clenching when the boy's gaze shook in disbelief, sweat on his pale face, “I think you're strong. Or at least, you're on your way. And it's not by abandoning others that you get stronger. I…” he thought of Himari's bright smile, her promise to him, just for his sake, the warmth it filled him with…

“I feel stronger with Himari than without. I do better with her here. I get better, more consistent grades. Can you still say she makes me weak?” 

Gakushuu glared at the ground, “... She's still a distraction. You waste time at lunch and-”

“We study together at lunch. I'm never wasting time with her,” Hideo cut in, a growl in his words, “You're just making up shit. The principal's a liar. He's lying about Himari making me weak and he's lying about Ren making you weak!” 

“You don't know that!” His little brother snapped back, knuckles white, “You're not the one who fell to 2nd after tutoring him!” 

“And?! Shouldn't you be happy he got 1st?! He worked hard for you like he asked and you just treat him like shit! What kind of friend are you!?” 

“That's not what's important! What's important is that I become strong unlike you!! ” The strawberry blonde was heaving, shoulders tense.

Hideo felt the words worm into his mind, slowly merging with the principal's constant taunts. His hands shook, arms prickling with dread.

(Gakushuu was sounding more and more like the principal)

Gakushuu looked up, eyes wide, lips wobbling, “... Hideo I-”

“Yeah… you're right. I'm not strong. I don't think I'll ever be- I'm too defective for that,” he started quietly, throat tightened as he spoke. 

Gakushuu grimaced, “You're not defective, Hideo-” he quickly said, but the brunette spoke over him. 

“I can't focus properly. I can't remember as much as you even though I study just as much. I keep fidgeting like a toddler. I'm messy. I'm impulsive and stupid. When I study the words all blur and my head starts to hurt and there's always so much to do and never enough time so I waste and I'm everything the principal doesn't want. I'll never be strong,” a stabbing pain pulsed in his heart. The painful lump in his throat suffocated him. Shameful warmth he blinked away pricked his eyes, “But with Himari… that all disappears. It's so much easier with her,” he looked his brother in the eye earnestly, “Can you really say she's in the way?” 

Gakushuu chewed on his lip, avoiding his gaze, “... You're not defective, Hideo,” the boy held his hands, “You can also be strong. We can be strong together . And Takahashi and… Ren aren't a part of that.” 

Hideo snatched his hands away, “If they're not a part of that, then I want nothing to do with it,” he snarled, a bubble of frustration threatening to burst, “I already left her once. I'm not making that mistake again. And I know you don't want to leave Ren behind. He's your best friend- you trust him more than you trust me .”

Gakushuu winced, “That's not true-”

Hudeo rolled his eyes, ignoring the way his words pricked his mouth as he spoke, “I'm not blaming you for that. I know I'm not a good brother.” 

It hurt more when Gakushuu left him in silence, “He's been desperate all this time. He spent all this time with you, stuck by you and was loyal and a great friend just for you to turn around and leave him. Just how do you think that makes him feel ?”

The strawberry blonde’s shoulders fell, face crumpling briefly.

“You know the principal is full of shit. He's trying to cut you off from others. That's not fair. It's not his right to do that. Ren isn't bad. He's a little dumb and questionably flirty but that isn't going to drag you down. It's not worth losing him over a single 2nd place.”

When Gakushuu didn't answer, Hideo started making his way out, “Look, if you want to keep ignoring Ren, then be my guest. But if you keep going that way, you're gonna end all alone.” 

At the door, he gave Gakushuu one long, hard look, “Just like the principal.”

Gakushuu gasped.

Hideo shut the door.

-

He'd hoped Gakushuu would start hanging out again with Ren after their talk, but when Ren appeared at his and Himari's usual lunch spot, glum and quiet, he sighed quietly.

Perhaps he'd been harsh. 

Then again, he hasn't been the one throwing insults left and right. 

He patted the space by them, inviting Ren over with an understanding look. The darker brunette smiled gratefully. Himari pulled a face, “You're not gonna try anything, are you Sakakibara?” 

The boy looked aghast, “I would never ,” he gasped theatrically. His playful expression lasted a minute before his shoulders dropped with a sigh. 

Himari frowned, “What's wrong? Come to think of it,” she tapped her chin, “Why aren't you with Asano-kun? Did you do something?!” 

“Stop saying that!” Ren snapped, dropping his lunch with a huff. Hideo grimaced, “Himari…”

“Sorry,” the girl chuckled nervously. 

“Gakushuu’s just being a brat,” he patted the miserable boy on the back, “Look, I tried talking with him, but I guess I didn't work. So you'll have to go with plan Beta.” 

“Plan Beta?” Himari echoed, chewing in her hamburger steak. 

“Plan B for short, where he'll ambush Gakushuu and force him to talk,” Hideo clarified. 

Ren nodded, a little life coming back to him. 

Himari, on the other hand, looked concerned, “Uhh… are you sure he'll be fine? That last time I surprised you, you threw me over your shoulder.” 

Ren choked, “ What!? ” 

The lighter brunette shrugged, “Hey, what can you expect from someone trained in martial arts?” 

Ren looked apprehensive, “Am I gonna have the careful of Gakushuu elbowing me?” 

“Probably.” 

“But I don't want that!” 

“Well it's either that of you give up. He's gonna keep ignoring, cuz he's a little shit,” Hideo picked up another roll, trading with Himari for part of her steak. 

Ren watched them curiously, earning a grunt from Hideo, “What?” 

“Are you guys dating?” 

It was Hideo's turn to choke now. Himari hurriedly pat his back before smiling as always, “Of course not silly! We're best friends.” 

Hideo admired her smile, her cheery demeanour dragging his mouth into a grin, “Yeah, we're just best friends. Like you and Gakushuu.” 

Ren frowned. Hideo continued, “Well, when he finally admits it.” 

“I don't know…” the other boy fiddled with his fingers, gaze a little vacant, shining a little, “Maybe he's never thought of me that way…”

Hideo huffed a small laugh, “Trust me. He does. He's just too stubborn to admit it. But I bet he's really scared of losing you.” 

Ren looked surprised at this confidence, “... You really believe that?” 

“Yeah,” Hideo smiled fondly, Gakushuu's excited smirk coming to mind as his brother rambled about his and Ren’s trip to ski. 

The boy blushed a little, chewing on his lips, “... Thanks.” 

“No worries. Just good luck ambushing Gakushuu. You might need an ice pack.”

“But you said I'd be fine!” Ren protested. 

Himari burst out laughing, clutching her stomach.

-

Since he had little extracurriculars today, Hideo agreed to take a walk with Himari to the Kunugigaoka park. The sun was setting, washing the sky with golden peaches and soft oranges. He’d always loved sunsets for their beautiful palettes.

“Psst,” Himari poked his shoulder, pointing to her left when she got his attention. 

In the shadows, he could hardly make out two figures. His eyes widened when he recognised Gakushuu and Ren talking by their school gate. He and Himari rushed to hide, peeking behind a wall. 

Despite being too far to hear, Gakushuu seemed more open to Hideo. He realised his brother was clutching something. 

Himari beamed at him. Hideo smiled back. They scurried away before the two noticed them. 

They’d pushed each other on the swings before racing to the slides for a while, and eventually sat on the floor to work a little-

“But whyyyyyyyyyy?”

“Do you want me to go to yours for a sleepover?”

“... Yes.”

“Then focus,” he laughed as she kept whining while simultaneously doing her work, cursing the principal under her breath. 

Later home, the principal of course criticised his relaxed smile, cunning eyes narrowing in a way that left a shiver running down his spine. His good mood soured a little. He hurried to his room, but stopped at Gakushuu’s briefly. 

It was dinner when he saw the boy, and the bracelet Ren lovingly made around his wrist, looking a touch more alive.

Hideo hid a smile to himself, eating some good food for once. 

Chapter Text

Their summer holidays had arrived with a schedule, of course, “A trip to the USA?” Gakushuu parrot slowly, eyebrow raised. 

“Yes,” the principal simply responded, “I have some business there and you both have a tournament the-” 

“We do???” Hideo interrupted incredulously, then slapped a hand over his mouth and grimaced, heart racing. The principal's eyes narrowed, “Hideo, what have I said about interrupting others? You're 11, turning 12. Fix that atrocious habit of yours.” 

Hideo stared at the floor, cheeks aflame with shame, chewing in his lip. 

“Sir, that tournament you mentioned isn't in our schedule. That's why he was so confused,” Gakushuu stood straight and tall, eyes sliding briefly to Hideo. Hideo stared back, eyes wide.

The principal fell silent, “... Is that so?” 

They nodded. Hideo dared to look at the man, shocked when a fragment of surprise was visible in his face, “... I see. I must have forgotten to tell you both. Well, now you both know you gave a football tournament in America. So you'll both be coming with me.” 

“What about… mother?” Hideo asked hesitantly, eyeing upstairs where their mother always resided, if not outside sometimes. 

“... What about her?” 

The brunette swallowed a painful lump in his throat, “Will she accompany us to America?” 

“No.” 

“Oh…” Hideo chewed  his tongue. He rarely saw her these days. 

“Right, both of you get ready. Pack only the essentials. If I see you've packed any nonsense, you will be going without a suitcase.”

Both of them rushed to their rooms.

-

Although he hasn't read much of his book on his planes yet, he'd read enough to appreciate the basic intricacies. Face pressed to the window (he and Gakushuu had fought for the window seat. Gakushuu was currently sourly sitting in between himself and the principal), Hideo giggled with childish glee.

“What are you laughing at?” The strawberry blonde sneered, arms crossed with a huff. Hideo rolled his eyes, “Stop being such a baby,” he retorted, before admiring the plane’s majestic engine. 

Gakushuu leaned over his shoulder- or tried to, as much as he could, “What's so interesting anyway?” 

“What's ‘interesting’, is how this specific plane keeps itself up,” on instinct, he started to ramble about the flaps system. Gakushuu listened, enraptured, his face smoothing as Hideo excitedly went on and on. 

“This model is a Boeing 777 right? It's a wide-body jet airliner. Specifically a Boeing 777-300ER, which is the world's largest twinjet,” energy buzzed under his skin, making his toes curl. He bounced enthusiastically while explaining, and even Gakushuu had started to smile, asking some more questions, “What kind of engines does it use?” 

“GE90-115B! It's the most woeful engine built for commercial fights, currently holding the record for the most thrust achieved by a commercial airline jet!” 

Without him realising, his voice slowly raises until the principal slammed his laptop shut and glared, earning a yelp from him, “ Asano-san. Behave yourself . Do not raise your voice, especially not Inna public place like this,” he ground out through gritted teeth and narrowed eyes. 

Hideo swallowed, nodding wordlessly. Gaakushuu’s grip on his chair quivered.

“Why were you even rambling uselessly on planes? Have you been forgoing studying for this? Was your plan not to be a doctor?” 

The brunette cringed, clammy fingers scratching at each other, “No sir, I-it was just because of a project we did recently.” 

He almost smacked himself, “... A project?” 

“Yes, sir.” he held the principal's gaze despite the shivers running up his spine. 

“... I'm surprised I didn't hear about this.” 

Hideo chewed on his lip, cursing the principal's controlling tendencies. If he let the man know about his book, then… 

“It was just a small project, we didn't see it as worthwhile enough to mention,” Gakushuu piped up nonchalantly, face buried in his geography textbook.

Hideo’s eyes widened, a bud if warmth blooming. 

The principal's eyebrow raised, “Is that so?” 

Gaakushuu's shrugged, “Both of us scored perfect, as expected.”

Irate violet iris briefly narrowed before smoothing out, “Well, in that case, focus on your studies. You've messed around enough, Asano-san. Keep it up and you know exactly what will happen.” 

The brunette flinched, digging his canines into his lip, “... Yes sir.” 

Gaakushuu eyed them cautiously. 

They spent the rest of the trip in silence.

-

Upon landing, despite all the familiar, bright sights calling to them, they were herded straight into a cab, silently studying through the ride. 

Hideo risked a glance towards his brother. Gakushuu was studying, as diligent as always. What he couldn’t shake off was his brother’s sudden support. Gakushuu never said much when Hideo was busy being scolded for almost anything. 

He wondered why. 

A weight on his neck clocked him onto the pair of icy purples glaring from the rear view mirror. 

Hideo quickly fixed his gaze back to his book.

-

They’re both sour they don’t get to stay with their teammates, but Hideo wisely slapped a hand over his mouth. From the corner of his eyes, Gakushuu nodded in approval. Hideo smacked him, earning a growl. 

“Boys, enough,” the principal sighed impatiently as tugged at each other’s faces and hair. 

“But he started it!” Gakushuu whined like the little toddler he was.

“Did not!” Hideo argued back, massaging his scalp where his brother’s devil hands had yanked mercilessly. 

The principal rolled his eyes, walking ahead, “I’ll be busy so I expect the both of you to study quietly.”

“Yes sir,” they responded dully. 

Hideo sighed, already feeling the familiar pulsing on his skull.

-

The pulsing grew agonisingly annoying. Not painful enough to warrant attention (not that the principal would care. “The strong don't complain about a minor headache. They push through,”the principal reminded him as crimson warmth dripped from his nose, onto his work sheets; as his head pulsed and pulsed and the pain threatened to push the tears he desperately fought ) but enough to disrupt his focus. 

The lines blurred, no matter how much he squinted. 

Gakushuu nudged him, “What is it?” 

Hideo’s skin prickled, dread mounting, “... I'm just struggling to focus.” 

The strawberry blonde opened his mouth with a scowl before his brow furrowed, deep in thought, “... Is there something specifically that's stopping you?” 

Hideo blinked, left wordless, having expected Gakushuu to berate him as always, “... I don't know. Every time I try to read it, it all just goes blurry, my mind goes hazy and it hurts.” 

Gakushuu hummed, “That's pretty weird. That doesn't happen to me.” 

Something pricked in his chest, “Well, lucky you…” he muttered, scowling at his textbook. Silence returns between them, only the occasional crumple of sheets breaking their quiet, until Gakushuu starts reading out loud. 

“What are you doing?” Hideo raises an eyebrow, resting his face on his cheek. Gakushuu shrugs, “You said you struggled to focus when reading it. Maybe it'll be easier if you read it out loud?” 

Embarrassment colours his cheeks aflame, “Don't do that!” He snaps, “I'm not some 5 year old who can't read- besides, if the principal heard, what would he think?” 

Gakushuu rolled his eyes, “The principal's far too busy. And I'm just trying something new. Just let me finish, and take notes too.” 

“Jeez, who are you, Miyu-sensei?” He grumbles under his breath, pen ready, “What about you and your notes?” 

Gakushuu hummed, “I'll just take them as I read out loud. It's simple enough.” 

A couple minutes in, and miraculously enough, Hideo was following along pretty well. It was a lot to write, but the words mostly settled into his brain, rather than melting into a sludge of misremembered facts and nonsense. 

They exchanged paragraphs, notebooks filling quickly with neat - sometimes messy - words. 

“Hey! I think it's working!” Hideo smiled, proudly showing off his colour coded notes. Gakushuu started to smile when his brow furrowed, “... Why are your notes like that?” 

“Like what?” 

His younger brother pointed to the highlighters and stickers, “That.” 

Hideo frowned, feeling a little self conscious, “It's just some highlight to mark the key points. They help me remember stuff better, and the stickers make it more appealing to reread. Otherwise it becomes mush again.” 

Gakushuu's brow furrowed further, eyes squinted at his notes. The brunette snatched them back, “If you don't like them then don't say anything.” 

“Where did you learn that?” 

“From Himari,” her study techniques were probably what helped him so much, especially since her mum was a teacher. 

Gakushuu shrugged to himself, “Whatever, as long as it works. Just don't let the principal see.” 

Hideo rolled his eyes, a smile quirked on his lips, “I know.” 

-

Because the principal was just as neurotic as - if not more than - Gakushuu, they arrived a full hour too early. All that had been set up was the field and some families on the side.

Hideo dragged his feet alongside Gakushuu, who stood tall and proud. The younger elbowed his brother, “Stand straight! You're not a slouch,” he'd scold as he dragged Hideo's arm up, but being smaller made that harder. Hideo sighed, until a pair of icy violets narrowed in on him. 

His spine quickly straightened. 

“Thank you, Asano-san,” the principal simply said, going back to his discussion. 

Hideo sighed, scratching his arm where his skin prickled. Gakushuu shot him a concerned look. 

While waiting, the two of them began practising some passes, tricking with the ball and complicating their passes. A loud voice startled them both, the ball falling on Hideo’s face, “HEYYYY! That was cool you two!” A blonde boy - actually, scratch that - man , towered over them, “You guys wanna play with us for a bit?” 

Gakushuu frowned, rubbing his ears, “Aren't we enemies? We're on the opposite team.”

Hideo did a double take. The… kid did have a jersey from their opponent team, but he looked so old . 

Which he stupidly let the boy know, “How old are you? You look like a teenager.” Gakushuu threw him a glare, and Hideo slapped a hand over his mouth, an apology already at the tip of his tongue when the boy guffawed, “Gee thanks! I'm 12,” he smiled. 

The two brothers worked up, “I'm 12 too! And he's 11,” he jerked a thumb at Shuu, who held out a hand, polite smile on his face, “I'm Gakushuu Asano. Nice to meet you.” 

“Hideo Asano,” Hideo quickly added, shaking hands (more like being shaken by the massive kid). 

Blonde kid grinned, “I'm Kevin, nice to meet you all. Come on, let's play a little!” He gestures to the group of boys sporting the same jersey, “We got here way too early, so we're killing time.”

Gakushuu seemed a little unsure, but Hideo sure as well didn't want to stand around doing nothing. He tugged on his brother's sleeve, “It'll be a good warm up.” 

“But we're fraternising with the enemy team. What if they're secretly gathering intel on us?” Shuu frowned, throwing suspicious glances at the beaming Kevin. Hideo rolled his eyes, “Since when did you start watching spy movies?” 

“I'm just being logical!” Shuu snapped, before signing, “Fine. I'll ask the principal.” 

It had become the unsaid plan that if they ever wanted something, Gakushuu - as the favourite - would be the one to ask. 

‘I would surely be flat out rejected by the principal, even if it was essential,’ he thought a little miserably. He quickly shook it off, relieved when Gakushuu returned with good news. 

They followed Kevin to their little group, doing some simple passes and dribbling. Names and hobbies were exchanged until their respective coaches called them over. 

“We won't go easy in you!” Kevin called with a toothy grin. Gakushuu and Hideo smirked back, “Wouldn't want you to!” the latter saluted. Shuu’s smirk slanted, excitement gleaming in his eyes. 

They listened carefully to the game plan, imprinted in their brains after hours if carefully studying and drilling it. With ready feet, their team stepped onto the grounds, hopping and jogging. 

Within minutes, they already has the upper hand, with Gakushuu offering a perfect offense and Hideo a perfect defense.

The principal smiled proudly from the bleachers, unbeknownst to Hideo. 

-

They were going to win, as usual. Hideo intercepted the ball from a particularly slow player, easily pushing past as he rolled the ball between his legs and lifted it above their heads. Kevin was probably one of the only players giving them a tough time, already with a few scores under his belt. But he was too far behind to catch up to Hideo.

His focus on the ball narrowed, noises around him fading to a dull static. Electricity shocked his nerves, every little movement finely controlled in that moment. 

He loved sports for that amazing focus that escaped him so much. In sports, there was a team of winners, and not just one. In sports, he stood beside Gakushuu, holding up their gold trophy. 

(Even if the principal paid more attention to Gakushuu; even if Gakushuu was the star player, the principal saw and even parted his head rarely. It made him feel alive, even if he hated it.)

He pushed further and further through the opposing team, tongue poking out of his mouth, eyes locked on the ball and the blazing path ahead of him. He didn't need to go this far; his teammates were calling his sides, open. Gakushuu was just ahead, ready as usual, shining like the star he was.

But the path called to him, clear as day, as the skies above them, and Hideo ran for it. In him burned a hunger to win- the need to snatch the winning goal and stand at the top. To be the star for once. 

(He didn't think it was possible in academics, but in sports: he and Gakushuu were close. 

Maybe this was finally Hideo's time.) 

Then a pair of icy violets caught his eye: the principal's stare burned through him, calculating and dull, cold. 

Suddenly, a rush of scalding memories filled his mind. If he messed up… (the closet or radiator or ice bucket or-) his control of the started to slip. Heart pulsing painfully against his ribcage, Hideo passed before he tripped over his own feet, eating a face full of dirt. 

When he looked up, his team ran ahead and scored, leaving him behind. 

They celebrated, holding Gakushuu up. 

Hideo dared to glance at the principal: the man didn't have eyes for him, a proud glint reflecting his best student. 

Something ugly burned and twisted in his gut, veins pulsing in his neck. His knuckles were clenched white. 

-

After the match, the boisterous blonde came over to congratulate them good-naturedly, shaking their hands, “That last goal was amazing Gakushuu!” He patted the strawberry blonde on the back, large hands almost knocking over his brother. Gakushuu cleared his throat as he fought a bright grin, simply smiling politely, “Thanks Kevin.” 

Hideo watched with a tight smile, hands deep in his pockets, sitting away from his team. He sighed as a twinge in his heart stung, gaze stuck on the goal he could've scored. He could have. He could've gotten the winning point. Kevin could've been patting his back and praising him and the whole team would've been holding him up- 

“Oh Hideo! You were amazing, I could barely get the ball past you!” The loud compliment breaking his jealous contemplation almost knocked him over, “And that last run was crazy!! I thought for sure you were gonna score!” Kevin took Hideo's hands in him, enthusiastically shaking them with the most blinding beam. 

Hideo blinked, briefly lost. Gakushuu frowned and nudged him, “Uh- oh, thanks! You too, Kevin.” 

Before they left, Kevin asked for their numbers, “We should play again before you go!” 

The two boys smiled nervously, “Oh, we probably won't have the time…” Hideo cast a shrewed glance at the principal. 

“But if we ever have any competitions in America, I'm sure we could meet up again!” Gakushuu hurriedly wrote their numbers, looking towards the principal. The man gave them an approving nod. Gakushuu shoved the paper in the blonde’s hands. 

Hideo raised an eyebrow at his brother's excitement. 

“Oh, cool! We should definitely keep in touch!” Kevin guffawed. Gakushuu beamed, the two of them exchanging words. 

Hideo left them to it, off to brood in peace. 

-

Since they'd performed amazingly, the principal allowed then to celebrate with their teammates - under his watchful eye of course. 

The brunette had moved to sit in the corners, mood far too low to be socially polite, but Gakushuu snatched his hand and dragged him to the seat by him. Hideo scowled at him, “We're the team's best, so we have to be front and center,” Shuu explained. 

The brunette resigned himself to forcing his polite smile to stick, soaking undeserved praise, his thoughts running amok in the back of his mind. 

‘Useless second place never good enough I should have scored I could've scored why didn't I score the principal won't ever be happy so useless-’

“To Hideo and Gakushuu!” The team cheered, raising their juices and soft drinks to them. Hideo startled, quickly bringing up his apple juice next to Gakushuu's orange juice, a heavy guilt settling on his heart.

A few minutes in, Gakushuu finally nudged him with a question, “Why are you so down?”

Hideo sighed, “I'm just… mad at myself,” he muttered into his food. Shuu raised an eyebrow, “Why? You did amazing today.” 

“Yeah but… I could have scored the final point today,” the strawberry blonde watched him carefully, eyes far to scrutinising for his liking, “I was on my way to get one and when I saw the principal- I froze, like an idiot. And then I stumbled and I fumbled everything. I'm just never good enough.” 

( ‘He’ll never be proud,’ the child in him said, and Hideo squashed that voice down.)

He felt his throat close up, warmth threatening to leak behind his eyes. Hideo hastily warded them off, shoving bites of his dinner in his mouth. As he chewed, Gakushuu responded, “... You are, though. You almost scored. And I wanted you to.” 

Hideo’s eyes widened, “I thought you would, honestly. You're as good as me, you can stand by me. And then, we'll defeat the principal together, we'll be stronger than him together .” He raised his glass to Hideo, a confident smirk on his face. 

If only he could have a fraction of that confidence… well, if his little brother believed in him, maybe he could have that fraction.

Hideo quietly clinked his cup with Shuu’s, chuckling to himself, “I'm supposed to be comforting you as the older brother here…” a smidge of guilt resurfaced, staining his smile. 

Gakushuu shrugged, “Well maybe if you finally scored first with me…” 

The brunette shoved at him, earning a half hearted scowl. 

He chewed on his straw, playing around with his food before a hand rested on his head, “Yes, they've both been amazing. I'm very proud of them.” The hand almost lovingly smoothed his hair back. 

When he looked up, the principal looked… proud? The warm glint in his eyes reflected both of them. Hideo felt his heart skip a beat, joy tingling in his veins. His face warmed as the principal continued bragging about them to the coach, as the principal kept patting them.

Gakushuu quickly covered his shock with a smile. He smirked knowingly at his brother, who fought a face-tearing grin.

-

Gakushuu's strange behaviour had nagged him a little, but not enough to be a problem. He was simply curious.

For a while now, his brother had been independent and impatient with him, slowly morphing into a principal jr with his words. He'd picked up on Hideo's messy desk (“It's my organised system!” “It looks like a storm passed through your desk, you're so messy”); he was always harping at Hideo to focus, no matter how much Hideo's brain wouldn't comply.

Harsh and cold, Gakushuu had little respect or care for him, saddled with the leadership of their class since Hideo was too incompetent to handle it. 

But since his talk with Ren, his brother's behaviour had… changed. 

Previously, Gakushuu hadn't cared much to defend him against the principal. 

“What?” Said strawberry blonde snapped, eyes fixed on his work. It was nearing 2am. Hideo had abandoned his work to try and sleep, tossing and turning to no avail with Gakushuu's light. His brother was on his 5th can of energy drinks, something Hideo definitely didn't want to get involved in, “Nothing. Just bored.”

“Then do some work and stop staring.” 

Hideo frowned, a nugget of annoyance bothering him. Couldn't his brother stand to be a little polite? 

From the corner of his eye, he saw Gakushuu grimace before the boy apologised in a low murmur, “Sorry, I didn't mean to snap…” 

Hideo's eyes widened. He kept quiet though, shrugging off the apology. His mind drifted to the hotel instead: the large 5 star hotel since the principal never settled for less than perfect.

… The corridors had seemed endless and twisting, almost like maze. And Gakushuu did like puzzles… 

“Hey,” the mop of strawberry blonde shifted to face him slightly, humming, “Wanna go out and explore?” 

Gakushuu put his own down to fully turn around and stare, unimpressed.

Hideo's shoulders hunched up, drowning at his brother, “Look, I was checking out the halls and maps here, and while I don't remember everything, I know where the kitchen is~” he hopped from his bed to grip Gakushuu's shoulders, smirking. 

A shiver ran down Gakushuu's spine, mouth watering. He shook his head, “No! I have to work- I can't afford to mess up again-” 

“They probably have sweets , like ice cream and oh- chocolate puddings ~” Hideo knew he'd won the moment he'd mentioned chocolate puddings: Gakushuu's favourite since he first tried one as a toddler. 

The strawberry blonde’s hand twitched, dropping his pen. His shoulders shook, then he abruptly jumped from his chair, face tinted pink as he glared, “... Lead the way,” he whispered, and Hideo muffled his giggles behind his hand. Gakushuu smacked him, face burning brighter.

“Alright alright! Jeez, you're so rude, hitting your own older brother.” 

“Just shut up and lead the way.” 

-

Hideo tugged Gakushuu along the darkened corridors with their phone lights, grinning as their steps echoes around the walls, “Stop pulling my arm!” 

“You're too slow!” 

They curved around corners and cursed when arriving at dead end. It almost felt like the glass maze at the fair they'd both gone to once in their early childhood for Hideo's birthday. Hideo distinctly remembered Gakushuu running face first into glass in front of all the players, and his baby brother turning around to cry in his shoulder. He snickered at the memory, warm fondness blooming in his heart. 

“What are you snickering at?” Gakushuu hissed, frown etched deep on his face. The brunette rolled his eyes, “If you keep drowning like your face will be permanently shaped into one.” 

The younger scowled at him, “Buzz off!” 

After a few more dead ends, the quiet clinks of pots and cutlery signalled their arrival at their destination. Together they sneaked over to a table and his under until the lights were switched off. Hideo found said switch, flicking it gently. “Hey!” Gakushuu whispered, beckoning him to kitchen's fridge. The smell alone wafting to him activated his salivary glands almost instantly. 

When he peered inside, Hideo thought he saw heaven, “Woahhhhhhh…” his tongue tingled at the thought of all that sugar. Cakes and brownies and cookies and cupcakes and tiramisu desserts of all kinds were meticulously plated. He and Gakushuu shared a grin before digging in. 

The sweetness left a tingle running up his arms and legs, “It's been so long since I've had sweets!” Hideo whispered excitedly, bouncing his legs on the floor. Gakushuu raised an eyebrow at that, “I know you're excited but can't you stay still? The principal's always on your case for fidgeting. You're not 5.” 

His bright mood soured a little, “Buzz off! I can't help it, it's like I have too much energy and I had to do some so it goes somewhere, otherwise my body feels really weird and I hate the feeling,” he replied with a dour expression. Fingers rhythmically tapped on his knees as a tight feeling enveloped his chest. His brother raised eyebrow, then shrugged to himself, “As long as you're not as obvious with it around the principal.” 

Hideo narrowed his eyes, “Okay, what's up with you?” 

Gakushuu narrowed his gaze back, “What? What's wrong with me?” An edge entered his voice, warning. Hideo held his stare, “It's just… you've been so nice to me recently. You've always been more like the principal and calling me useless-” Gakushuu winced “-but now you suddenly don't care and are even defending me from the principal?” 

The strawberry blonde's brow furrowed, pink dusting his cheeks, “Well, is it wrong that I look out for my older brother? It's not like you're the worst there is… and maybe I've been a little shitty to you these past years…” he mumbled, quickly stuffing his mouth with tiramisu. 

Hideo's eyes widened, warmth pooling around his heart, “Gakushuu…”  he looked away, chewing on his cheek, fighting the giddy smile pulling at his lips. 

Maybe his brother wasn't so bad