Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tensions were high, and the Titans were cranky, to put it in the simplest terms. Deep-seated frustration over disagreements and lack of communication drove them apart and kept Robin aloof. Sure, Robin was angry at the team for not getting along, but he was also angry at himself for not exactly helping. Batman was an efficient member and leader that the justice league respected, so why couldn’t he be the same with his team? Robin glared at Speedy who he’d been arguing with outside his room. “At least I’m not an insensitive jerk parading around like a peacock! Showing off because I don’t have anything else to offer.” Robin knew he’d gone too far and braced for a fight. 

He’d expected Speedy to swing at him, but instead he grew still. His body tensed and shoulders pulled taut as his voice lowered. “Better than ordering everyone around to feel some sort of approval and acceptance you don’t get from your boss.” The words stung. Robin turned and walked into his room hoping that was the end of things and he wouldn’t be tempted to fire back with even lower blows. He could pull out the argument he overheard at a gala between Roy and Oliver, Speedy’s guardian, but that might start a feud that could boil over into his work with Batman. The last thing he needed was Bruce scolding him for being childish when he was trying to prove himself as an adult. Robin turned as he realized Speedy had followed him into his room and closed the door. “You wanna say something don’t you?” Roy taunted “Cuz you know I’m right.” Dick was utterly fed up at this point and nearly let another insult fly. Before he could even take a breath, Roy had slammed him against the wall next to the door. “You’re such a fucking control freak because you can’t let go. Can’t stand to let someone else have an ounce of power over you, can you?” Roy huffed. Dick measured his breathing as Roy’s arm pressed against his chest. His heartbeat quickened as the words struck him. “Is it because Batman keeps you on such a short leash? You need to yank our chains tight cuz daddy won’t let you take a step without him?” Roy sneered. 

“Fuck you!” Robin growled, his anger taking over. 

He expected vitriol back, but instead, a cocky smirk appeared on Speedy’s face. “Yeah, you wish you could.” Robin’s mouth dropped in stunned silence. Speedy leaned in closer, his voice harsh. “I bet you’d love to fuck me, to put me in my place, huh? But what you really need is someone to take over and pound you into next week. Get you to loosen up a bit, tight ass.”

“What?”  Dick inhaled shortly as Roy’s arm slid up to press near his neck. 

“You heard me bird boy. You’re so uptight I bet I could split you in half.” Speedy growled. Dick’s mind swam in a haze, unsure of what to say or do. Roy’s body was so close but too far, his breath was hot on his cheek and he couldn’t help the fluttering in his chest. The archer pushed away and made to leave. “Too bad you hate me so much. You probably would’ve enjoyed it.”

When he was gone, Dick was still shaken. He had no idea how to feel. Taking a deep breath he slid down the wall to collapse on the floor. Roy had left him with uncertainty and a nervous question about his own desires. He’d known that he was attracted to both women and men, but he’d never considered actually having sexual relations with a teammate. Not that he didn’t want to do stuff, but he’d never been close enough to a member of their group to consider breaching that threshold. He’d been with a girl before joining the titans, but had since put everything aside for hero duties. Sure, maybe he’d thought about it, but having the opportunity at a moment he wasn’t planning to, rattled him to his core. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Roy’s words echoing in his head. Was he joking? Was he just trying to get a reaction out of Robin? Did he say those words with any truth or was it all just mockery and guff to work him up? He wouldn’t put it past Speedy to say stuff just to mess with him. Still… what would he have done if Robin had played along? Would it turn into a game of chicken? Would he actually have taken action?

Dick went home, avoiding common areas that Roy might be in as he left the base. The manor was empty, with Alfred probably being chauffeur to Bruce somewhere. Dick didn’t mind being alone, especially when his mind was occupied by thoughts that hijacked his brain. He’d tried to block them out, but the feelings remained. He entered his bathroom and splashed cold water on his face, looking in the mirror and trying to stop the onslaught of images in his head. 

The vision of Roy kissing him and pressing his thigh between his legs…grinding their hips together to feel the friction… Roy spinning him around and pulling his costume down so he could…

He had to get a hold of himself. Nothing better than quickly dealing with these feelings to get them to go away. Turning on the shower he pulled his clothing off desperately. Making quick use of the soap he slid his hand over himself as he pictured Roy tossing him onto the bed, yanking down his pants to his thighs before pinning his knees to his chest and looming over him. 

What would he say? Would it be full of aggression or something like a compliment? Would he make fun of his lack of fight, commenting on how much he wanted this? Dick brought one hand around to his backside pausing as he reached his target. He should just stop. Just calm down. Turn the water cold and snap out of it. His fingers made contact with his rim and one entered. He inhaled, imagining Roy pulling out his cock and his tip pushing in as he pinned him down. Would he even be gentle or take time to prep him? In his mind the vision of Roy spitting in his hand to lube himself up and shoving in raw made him groan. He pushed in farther with another finger, craving the sensation that was fueling his imagination. He could hear Roy’s voice again. That rough tone telling him he needed someone to fuck him. 

He should’ve said “Then why don’t you?” and let Roy either take him or walk away embarrassed. 

That’s probably all it was… he paused. Roy was just trying to embarrass him. Dick sighed, slipping his fingers out and starting to wash up properly. He most likely wasn’t even Roy’s type. He’d seen Roy flirt incessantly with women, but he probably didn’t even like guys like that. It was just another way to embarrass and insult him. Of course Roy was the type to use implied homosexuality as an insult. Right? It was something only an insecure jerk like him would do. He reached out, turning the tap cold and hissed as his body flinched. He breathed sharply a few times and cut the water, getting out of the shower and drying off. 

The next day he tried to avoid interacting with Roy as much as possible. He tried to keep his distance, but also realized the team was already falling apart and ignoring one member completely wouldn’t fix that at all. He had to act normal. A week passed without any hint or mention between them of what had happened and Dick thought it must’ve just been a one time power play for dominance. Clearly just a smug way to try and embarrass him. Well, two could play that game. Dick just needed something to hold over his head and he was notoriously good at research into people’s private lives. That should be easy. 

...

The gala was in full swing when Dick spotted Roy across the room. He looked good in a tux that was for sure. His bow tie was already untied and his top shirt buttons undone as he sipped champagne, leaning casually against the wall. His hair was neat and styled, his eyes lazily passing over the guests. 

Dick approached knowing full well Roy wasn’t supposed to know his secret identity even though he knew Roy’s. He needed to be Dick Grayson, not Robin. At any hint of acknowledgement or recognition he'd back off.  

“Hey.” Dick grinned. “I think we’ve met before at another gala. I’m Bruce Wayne’s ward.”

Roy looked him up and down. “I remember.”

“What was your name again?” Dick played innocent.  

“Roy Harper. I'm a ward of Oliver Queen.” He held out his hand. 

Dick shook it. “Dick Grayson. It’s hard to find people my age here that aren’t awful. Rich kids, am I right?”

Roy snorted into his champagne flute. “You are a rich kid.”

Dick nodded. “Yeah but I didn’t grow up that way. I lived in a traveling circus before Bruce took me in.” He looked around hopelessly. “I don’t quite fit in.” 

“I get it.” Roy said. “I wasn’t rich growing up either. They treat us like new money.”

“Probably because we are.” Dick smirked. 

They shared a slight laugh and Roy glanced around. “Are there any girls you know here that are single?”

“I know a few, if that’s what you prefer.” Dick baited. 

“What do you mean?” Roy turned his gaze to him. 

“I mean I know a few single guys too if you want.” Dick smiled charmingly. 

Roy looked surprised for half a second. “Hm. I’m not picky.” He smiled back. 

Dick’s heart pounded in triumph. He had his evidence that Roy did in fact like guys. He could back down now, but... He turned around to observe the hall. “The girl in red sitting at the table over to the left is recently single, her ex was a jerk. The two in green on the upper level are too, but they might be a little bit older than us. The guy by the dessert table is…”

“Do you know everyone here?” Roy scoffed behind him. 

Dick turned and shrugged. “Bruce loves gossip.”

“Oh man, you have no idea. Ollie just can’t keep his nose out of anything!” Roy exclaimed. 

“Ugh, is it a rich person thing?” Dick chuckled. 

“I guess so.” Roy smirked. “What about you?”

“Do I like drama?” Dick wondered aloud. 

“Are you single?” Roy asked casually. 

“Oh! Um yes, why?” Dick shifted nervously. 

“Wanna go make out for a little?” Roy asked, sounding so nonchalant. “I’m really bored here and it sounds like you are too.” He motioned to the gala attendees. 

Dick debated the ramifications in his head and decided it wouldn’t be fair to Roy to deceive him like this. “I really want to, believe me, but I don’t think it’s fair to you.” He said truthfully. 

“Why wouldn’t it be fair?” Roy scoffed, draining his drink. 

“What if I want to be friends with you, not just make out?” Dick smiled pleasantly. 

Roy studied him for a moment. “If you were my friend I’d still make out with you.” He pushed off the wall and placed his empty glass on a nearby table. “Come on.” He said before grabbing Dick’s wrist and dragging him into one of the utility hallways of the event center. “Have you ever kissed a guy before?” Roy crooned as he backed Dick against the wall of the dim empty hallway. Dick shook his head, wondering if he should stop this. “Do you want to?” Roy’s smile at that moment was intoxicating. One arm came up and leaned against the wall by Dick’s head.

Dick could feel his pulse increasing and his cheeks grow hot. “I would, but I’m afraid this might be awkward later.”

“Only if you make it awkward.” Roy smirked and leaned in slowly. Dick could’ve dodged, or said no, but his wants overpowered his reasons to stop. Roy’s lips hit his softly and pulled away. “More?” Dick didn’t wait for him this time. Their mouths pressed together and soon tongues were engaged in sensual play. He was very aware of Roy’s hand trailing from behind his neck down his chest and around to his lower back. 

He had thrown his arms around Roy’s shoulders and pulled him closer, needing more of him. 

Roy’s hand tugged him closer, pushing against his lower back before sliding down to grab his ass. “Mmfh.” Dick had to pull away. 

“You ok?” Roy sounded like he was actually concerned. 

“Yeah I…” Dick didn’t know what to say. 

“We can stop if you…” Roy had tried to back off, but Dick rushed him, flipping their positions. “Mmm ok.” Roy grinned between aggressive kisses. They both pulled closer this time and it was clearly felt between them that they were both aroused by the moment. 

“You have a great body.” Roy commented, both hands now massaging his ass. 

“Thanks.” Dick laughed before kissing him again. He gasped as Roy pulled him roughly against his own frame and took the hint. Dick’s hips started rolling against Roy, rubbing their lower regions together. Roy’s grip on his butt helped encourage him in his movements. Dick pulled away from kisses and muttered. “I never thought you’d want to do this with a boy. I’ve only ever seen you sneak away with girls.”

“What are you a stalker?” Roy chuckled. 

“No, but I like to people watch at these events.” Dick pushed forward again. 

“I get it. Bet you were curious about me. I am quite mysterious.” Roy bragged. 

Dick couldn’t hold back his laugh. Roy let go in surprise. “You? Mysterious?”

Roy scowled at him. “What? I can be mysterious.”

“OK sure.” Dick snickered. 

“You don’t even know me!” Roy was getting upset. 

Dick pressed a calming kiss to his lips. “Hey, ok. Calm down. I didn’t mean anything. It’s just that I’ve known you for all of five minutes and look at what we’re doing.”

“You know, you kinda remind me of someone, but he’s an asshole.” Roy grumbled. 

Dick paused. Did Roy recognize him? He had planned to back off, but decided he was probably safe and played along. “You make out with him too?” 

Roy scoffed. “He wishes.” 

Dick smirked and continued kissing him. “He doesn’t know what he’s missing does he?”

Roy huffed and sucked Dick’s lower lip into his mouth. Releasing it he whispered. “Good thing you’re smarter than him.”

Dick pressed their hips together again. “Good thing.”

The door to the hallway rattled and they jumped apart. It opened and none other than Oliver Queen popped his head in. “I was just looking for you Roy. Hey Dick, I didn’t know Bruce was here. Do you know where he is?”

Dick shook his head. “No, sorry, he wandered off with someone talking about investors last time I saw him.”

“Of course, why are you two back here?” Oliver questioned with an inquisitive look. 

“We got sick of being judged by the rich people. It’s like we’re fashion accessories for billionaires.” Roy said harshly. “Are we leaving?” He stepped forward towards the door. 

“Not quite yet, I was just curious where you’d gotten off to. You boys know Bruce and I care more about you than that. Glad you kids are getting along.” He waved and left. 

“We’re not kids.” Roy grumbled. 

Dick let out a long breath and studied Roy. “You ok?”

“Yeah. He says stuff like that, but…” he shrugged. 

“Doesn’t show it enough does he?” Dick added. 

“Same for you?” Roy smiled sympathetically. 

Dick nodded. Realizing maybe they weren’t so different after all. Where Roy was free and lonely, Dick was caged and lonely. Absentee vs overbearing. “I’m sorry.” Dick said softly, waiting for Roy to possibly open up. 

Roy shook his head. “I’m not. Wanna continue?”

“Maybe I should head back out.” Dick said truthfully. This was starting to feel like a bad idea again. 

“Why? It’s not like Bruce is out there if Ollie can’t find him.” Roy said, leaning against the wall heavily. That’s what worried him. If Bruce had gone out as Batman he might need… “Hey.” Roy grabbed his attention again. “If you don’t like making out with me you can just say that.”

“It’s not that. I’m just not in the mood.” Dick said honestly. 

“Damn. Ollie really does ruin everything.” Roy laughed. Dick laughed along with him. “I was telling the truth earlier. I really don’t want to go back out there yet.” Roy admitted. 

“Ok. Wanna find a way up to the next level?” Dick asked, looking down the darkened corridor.

Roy shrugged. “Sure.” 

They wandered down the curved hallway, finding plenty of conference rooms and even a gym. Finally they found a stairway and moved up a flight. Roy paused on the stairs, turning and blocking off the way. “Have to pay the toll if you want to go any further.” He grinned. Dick rolled his eyes and smiled, stepping up and kissing him. “That works.” Roy moved and they both hurried up to the floor above. 

“Could’ve charged more.” Dick smirked and Roy smiled as they entered another dim hallway like the one below. As they walked down it Roy became playful and backed Dick up against the wall again, leaving kisses on his lips. Dick giggled slightly. “Stop, we’ll never get anywhere like this.”

“Yeah. That’s the plan.” Roy snickered in his ear. Dick sighed in mock defeat and continued their make out session. “What are your thoughts on casual hookups?” Roy murmured against his lips. 

“I…” Dick swallowed. “I didn’t think we’d get that far.” 

“Just wondering.” Roy nuzzled into his neck as his hips shifted on Dick’s. “You’re just…really pretty.”

Dick didn’t know if he should let this continue. This could backfire on him eventually. His plan was to have something to hold over Roy’s head, but what if in the future when he finally revealed his identity… if that ever happened what would he... It was supposed to be harmless and fun, but it seemed wrong to let this go beyond kissing if Roy didn’t know who he really was. “I don’t think I could do that.” He said truthfully. 

“No worries.” Roy pulled back slightly. “You ok with this though?” He rocked against him again. Dick was lost in feelings of lust that Roy probably saw on his face. “Yeah you are, aren’t you?”

Dick exhaled. “I so am.” He smiled and let Roy kiss him. 

“We should do this again at the next gala.” Roy said when they finally parted. “It’s a good way to kill time.”

Dick chuckled, fixing his hair and tux. “I agree.”

Roy laughed. “Good. Is your name actually Dick, by the way?”

“It’s Richard, but I like Dick better.” He confirmed. 

“Yeah I like dick too.” Roy snorted, bumping into him. 

“Hey.” Dick grinned and bumped back into him. A play fight broke out between them. 

“Enough!” A voice called down the hall as they tussled. They broke apart quickly. 

“Bruce!” Dick smiled, conveying that everything was ok and they weren’t actually fighting. “We were a little restless and messing around. Sorry I disappeared.”

Bruce was rushing forward looking like a worried parent. “That’s fine. As long as you’re ok.” Bruce said, most likely meaning it as a question, but sounding like he was relieved. 

“Yep I’m good. Just catching up with Roy here.” He motioned to his friend. 

“By the way, Ollie’s looking for you Roy.” Bruce said with his signature Brucie smile. “You better get going.”

“Sure thing.” Roy winked at Dick from behind Bruce’s back as he left. 

Once Roy was gone, Bruce dropped his playboy persona and questioned Dick. “You’re spending time with him outside the Titans? Does he know your identity?”

“No!” Dick shook his head.  “He doesn't. I swore I wouldn’t tell him, but I think I can handle having friends.” 

Bruce nodded. “I think you can, just be careful.”

...

Laying in his bed that night, Dick couldn’t believe he’d actually done what he had. He looked through their brief casual text exchange from earlier that night. They’d swapped numbers and texted a few times, nothing intense or anything sexual. Just small talk really. Making out with Roy was easy, fun, just a spur of the moment thing. But the more he tried to forget, the more it dwelt in his mind. The attraction would probably be frowned upon if Bruce or Oliver found out. Their mentors seemed just as at odds with each other sometimes as Robin and Speedy were on the Titans. Bruce would probably rule him as compromised and take him off the team for having feelings, but so far his attraction had only been physical. Dick really couldn’t stand his attitude or how he acted most times. There was no danger of them getting into a relationship or anything long term. A short text came through as he was musing on the situation. “Brb, going to shower.” 

Dick put aside his phone before the urge to ask for details could win. He brought his fingers up to his lips, tracing them with a hum. He pictured Roy’s kisses again, how his tongue would roughly invade his mouth and how it felt when their lower halves rubbed together. He slid his hand down over his pajama pants imagining Roy’s hand sliding over him like he’d done earlier that night. They had both definitely gotten a little handsy, but only briefly. Even in that small moment as Dick had felt Roy’s hand on his crotch, rubbing through his layers, perhaps sizing him up, he wanted more. He had done the same thing in return and loved the way Roy had exhaled sharply near his ear before lowering his lips back to his neck. Dick stroked himself as the memory continued. He’d never thought of Roy like this before the most recent happenings between them. He found him aesthetically attractive, but never wanted him like this until Roy had suggested it. Now it was all he could think about. The fact that he’d been so close to hooking up with him tonight was fuel for his imagination. What if Roy had pinned him against the wall in the stairwell? What if he kissed him while he unbuckled his belt? What if…

Dick moaned as he was aching for release. His hand slid into his pajamas and squeezed his hard cock. He bit his lip as he imagined it was Roy shoving his hand down his pants and grabbing him the same way. Dick sighed softly and reached over to his nightstand, grabbing tissue and pulling lotion from the drawer. Staples he’d kept from being a teenage boy. He hadn’t had use of them for a while now, but tonight his desires needed to be put to bed before the temptation of texting Roy took over. His hand was gliding over himself as his phone buzzed. Damn. He wanted to ignore it but it could be important. He was surprised to see a message from Roy. Dick’s heart hammered as he opened it. No text, only a photo of Roy shirtless in his bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was darkened with water and tousled carelessly. 

He’d seen Roy shirtless before, but not in this context. His cock ached and he busied his hand on it again. Another photo popped up. Roy’s haughty smirk couldn’t distract him from his hand on the towel, gripping in a very suggestive manner. Dick swallowed nervously and hoped more photos were coming. Words appeared instead. “Could use a little help with this. Show me something?”

Dick gasped and his head hit the pillow again. He had to stop stroking himself for fear of releasing on his hand. He’d never sent nudes before and was nervous to do so. He decided that his current amount of dress was fine. With the small lamp on his bedside table providing light, he took a picture, looking it over before sending.  He was shirtless, laying in bed with his hand shoved down his pants, clearly holding onto a prominent bulge. He lay in near panic as he realized he’d just sent it and Roy had seen it. What was he doing? He should stop. 

“You made it worse.” Teased the reply before another photo came through. This time the towel was undone from his waist and held loosely in Roy’s hand, draped over his arousal, barely hiding anything. Dick’s brain was blank. No thoughts could overtake the feeling of excitement and aching in his lower region. Another photo came through. This time “I couldn’t hold back.” was the text accompanying the picture of Roy’s palm and fingers covered in thick white liquid. Dick’s hand sped up and he dropped his phone as he was reaching his peak. 

Dick gasped and yanked his waistband aside as he came suddenly, letting it cover his stomach. He hadn’t had enough thought or sense to grab the tissues first, and growled as he reached for them, pausing as an idea passed over him. Quickly wiping away some of it, he tucked himself away and took a picture of the remaining mess on his abs. He set aside the phone before wiping up and throwing away the tissues. His thumb hovered on send and he bit his lip. This shouldn’t even be a debate. Oh well. He shrugged, sending the picture, placing the phone face down beside him, and trying not to regret it. 

Dick felt the phone buzz and picked it up immediately, looking at the screen. “If I was there I wouldn’t have wasted all that.” 

Dick groaned at the image of Roy in his head, doing unspeakable things to him. Why was he like this? The man certainly knew what he was doing. Dick should put an end to this…but he also couldn’t let him have all the fun in the situation. “If you were here I’d make you lick it up.” Dick typed back, being bold.  

“I like when a man is bossy.” Roy replied immediately.  

Dick hesitated. This could be even more interesting if he wanted. “Like that jerk you said I remind you of?” He asked.

“He’s definitely bossy, but not in the fun way. He’d probably lecture me about privacy if I sent him a pic like that. He’s such a prick, I don’t know what’s up his ass.” Roy answered. 

“Sounds like it should be you.” Dick joked. 

“You’re hilarious Dickie.” Roy typed. 

“Maybe I could help you get with him. What’s his name?” Dick continued to play along as his heart hammered with nerves. 

“You wouldn’t know him.” Roy replied. 

“I might, does he go to galas?” Dick played clueless.  

“I don’t think he goes anywhere but work and home. He’s super controlled by his dad.” Roy said.  

“Oh. Is he younger than us? Please tell me he’s not a minor.” Dick responded.  

“Eww fuck no, he’s a grown ass adult, but still takes orders from his dad. It’s weird that he’s not independent enough to make his own choices.” Roy bashed.  

Dick winced, feeling struck. “Why do you like him then?”

“Sure he’s bossy and we butt heads so much, but we’d have the best hate fuck I just know it.” Roy confessed.  

“Is that all you want from him? It kinda sounds like you have a fascination with him.” Dick dug.

“He’s my friend, that’s all. Why are you so interested in him? Jealous?” Roy teased. 

Dick wanted to bait for more info, but didn’t want to seem suspicious. “Maybe. Good thing he doesn’t go anywhere. I guess I’ll have to be your friend at Galas then.” 

“I guess you will. When can I see you again?” Roy asked. 

Dick thought for a moment. “There’s a private event being held next week at someone’s mansion. Invite only, but if your dad got one I’m sure I’ll be there.” Bruce has been targeting an investigation on the host for months. Of course they’d be in attendance. 

“He’s not my dad, but I’ll figure it out.” 

...

Dick couldn’t help a blush as he saw Roy the next day. Memories of the photos and discussion flitting through his mind, alongside their physical interactions. 

It didn’t help when Roy cornered him after the mission. “Do we have a problem?” Speedy growled.

Dick cringed as he realized he might have been too distant and cold from Speedy today to make up for it. He turned to face him and decided that Speedy liked fights, so he might as well bring up the argument from the other day. “No problem that I know of. Except that apparently I need someone to fuck me so I loosen up.” He scowled, folding his arms and acting angry. 

“Woah, hey.” Speedy smirked. “Not still bothered by that are you?”

“It was inappropriate. We’re teammates.” Robin frowned. 

“Yeah and? I didn’t say you needed to get married.” He rolled his head back in annoyance. “You just need someone who can take that stuck up attitude and mellow you a little. One good way to do that is getting laid.” Speedy shrugged. “But since you have no game and no friends other than us, I’m guessing that’s not an option.” He smirked. “What’s it like trying to bring a girl back to your place with the Bat around?” He laughed to himself and shook his head. “Let me guess, the mask stays on?”

Robin was close to telling him to shut up when Donna interrupted, coming down the hall toward them. “Are you making fun of him again Speedy? You’re so immature.”

Speedy grinned. “Not making fun of, just trying to figure out if he keeps his identity secret from everyone in his life. Does he keep the mask on when he sleeps with someone?” He laughed again.  

Donna didn’t look amused. “Says the boy who never takes off his hat?” 

Robin smirked and Donna grabbed his arm, pulling him away from Roy. 

“I do too take it off!” He called after them. 

“You ok?” She queried. 

“I’m fine.” Robin grumped. “Just… never mind.”

She hummed. “You know, I think you two have been at each other’s throats more than usual lately. Anything happen?” Dick shook his head, but Donna gave him a piercing look. “Don’t make me go get a lasso of truth.” She smiled. 

“He…” Robin looked around before dragging Donna into her room which was the closest. Once the door shut he sighed heavily. “He’s trying to imply that I’m stressed and wound up. His suggestion for relaxation is sex and has been teasing me about my lack of sex life at the moment I suppose.”

She nodded. “I see.” She hummed. “Well you are awfully wound up, and sex is a good way to unwind…"

“Donna!” Dick stepped back. “Are you seriously agreeing with Speedy?”

She chuckled. “As much as it pains me, he makes a good point. Tell me, are you angry at him for what he said or for how it might be true?”

“Donna!” Dick scolded, not wanting to give anything away.

“I’m kidding, but honestly Robin, you know he just likes to get under your skin. Don’t let him win.” She comforted. “Besides, is he getting laid at all? I doubt it.”

Dick snorted and blushed, not being able to say anything about the recent activities between them. “No, probably not.”

She hummed and nudged him. “Could I find you someone to…unwind with?”

He groaned, placing his face in his hand. “Donna please, no!” 

She chuckled. “Ok, but I know some girls who would love the mask to stay on.” She winked as he shook his head and walked out. 

As understanding as she was, she was also good at teasing. She could dig almost as well as Roy. Dick wanted to get away from everyone, but he also wanted to stay and maybe work on team dynamics. He was saved from making a decision as Bruce called him back to the cave.

Chapter Text

The next week rolled around and Dick sat with Bruce in the Batcave, reviewing the investigation he had planned for the Gala that night. 

“I need you to interact with the attendees on this list as little as possible tonight.” Bruce said, handing him a dossier of various intended guests and staff. “I’m only bringing you because you were requested to be there, but you already know what they’re up to. You’re the perfect demographic for them to try and target.” Bruce said firmly as Dick flipped through the pages, studying pictures and names. “Young, adult males, with connections are their hope for exploitation or slaughter. But I still don’t know how they choose which. And it seems like more and more connections join their ranks as they go.”

“Why not let them recruit me and I can be the inside man?” Dick suggested.

Bruce remained stoic and pulled up some files on the computer. “I know you would probably be able to outwit them, but we still don’t know how or why they kill their victims. I don’t want to turn you over to a possibly deadly cult without being prepared first.”

“Oh, but if you did know, you would?” Dick chuckled.  

Bruce glanced at him sternly. “It’s too dangerous.”

“Bruce.” Dick smiled freely. “You know I’m not a kid anymore right? I’m just as capable as you to solve this. Let me go undercover, or don’t you trust me?”

“I trust you.” Bruce said quickly. “But this isn’t about your abilities.”

Dick knew when he was arguing with a brick wall. “Fine.” He huffed. “I’ll just smile and nod and avoid conversations all night.”

“One more thing I want you to be aware of.” Bruce said. “Oliver Queen and his ward were also invited. I want you to keep Harper away from those guests as well. Queen might not know the extent of how risky this invite was to accept.”

“And you’re not going to tell him? Shouldn’t Arrow know before going in?” Dick scoffed. Bruce just fixed a look on him that implied he had a plan. “Fine, fine, I can tag along with Roy and keep him off the recruiting books. You just deal with Ollie.”

“Good.” Bruce nodded and motioned at the list again. “Remember them, I’m serious about keeping away from all of those people.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to try anything.” Dick sighed. He wanted to help, but knew that if Bruce deemed it too dangerous, it was probably for a reason. Bruce never had qualms about him jumping into danger at his side, except where he felt uncertain of his own next moves. That meant Bruce was unsure of this investigation and didn’t want to risk anything going wrong. Or perhaps he didn’t want to have to show up as Batman to rescue anyone. This could be a rare event that Batman was to remain in shadow to help keep Bruce Wayne's identity clear.

...

Arriving at the opulent mansion, Dick realized something was indeed off. Instead of "Brucie" being the main focus of the host like usual, the man stared at Dick, even while talking to Bruce. It was creeping him out and Bruce could clearly tell. “Dick, why don’t you go check out the refreshments, you didn’t get a lot to eat at dinner earlier.” He smiled and continued his lively discussion with the host as Dick rushed away. Dick kept an eye out for anyone suspicious as he neared the table toward the back of the ballroom. He looked over the various foods, deciding if it was worth it. 

“I wouldn’t eat any of that.” a voice said from behind him. 

He spun and relaxed instantly. “Roy! You’re here!” 

He nodded stiffly. “Yeah, but I wish I wasn’t.”

Dick knew the feeling. “Rich people judging you again?” He snickered. 

“Worse, they’re actually trying to be nice.” Roy visibly recoiled. 

“Gross.” Dick smirked. He had to act like he didn’t know what creepy crimes some of the guests were entangled in. “Must be terrible to have someone be nice.”

“Look, just come with me.” Roy grabbed his hand and dragged him through French doors towards the pool area. Less people were outside in the dark and the pool was lit up, creating what would be a soothing glow in the night. “I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. Except maybe you. We can come back later.” 

“That’s nice of you to include me.” Dick chuckled lightly, still following along after Roy who led him out into a group of trees. “Where are we going?”

Roy dragged him until they were in the woods behind the house. He stopped and looked back towards the mansion. “Away from the party. I needed some alone time, and it’s better if that alone time is with you.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Dick could tell he was uneasy. They were probably both aware of the possible murder cult, but Dick couldn’t exactly compare notes with him in his civilian identity. 

“You could have just said you want to make out again.” He nudged.

“Yeah?” Roy finally looked fully away from the house and back to Dick. “Would you have come out here with me just for that?” He passed his tongue over his lips. “You seemed kinda eager to go back to the party last time. I didn’t think you’d want to ditch this one either.”

 “I actually wouldn’t mind tonight.” Dick thought of Bruce’s words about keeping Roy away from the suspects. “I was hoping I’d be getting some time with you.” If he could keep Roy away from everyone, it would be mission accomplished, by any means necessary. 

“We could just ditch. Take my limo out somewhere.” Roy suggested. 

Dick wanted to keep Roy away from the party, but he didn’t want to leave Bruce, just in case. “What if Oliver and Bruce try to find us?”

Roy scoffed. “They can use a phone can’t they?”

Dick didn’t know why, but something like giddy excitement bubbled up in his chest. The thought of getting close to him in the back of a car was so tempting. He wanted to run, to sneak away with him and enjoy their time, but logically he needed to stay. “We could go somewhere if you wanted, but what’s wrong with right here?” He pulled Roy closer. 

Roy let out a sharp breath. “Damn Grayson, needy much?”  He leaned in, and joined their lips. 

It felt so strange to have Roy say his name and not Robin, or some random nickname. “Just figured we were already alone.” 

“That’s true.” Roy moved in again, backing Dick against a tree. They had only just started making out when a twig snapped in the woods. They broke apart, both looking around for the source of the sound. 

“Probably just a squirrel or something.” Dick said, feeling on edge.

“Yeah.” Roy didn’t look any more calm than him. “Let’s go to my car like I suggested before.”

At this point Dick was willing to be somewhere less exposed. “Fine.” They traveled back toward the side of the mansion where vehicles were parked. Walking in silence Dick tried to think of something to say that wasn’t about the kidnapping spree, possible murder cult, or just about making out. He wanted to be actual friends with Roy, but there was always a barrier. As they neared the cars, Dick noticed three staff members outside, all of whom had been on the dossier Bruce had him memorize. He froze and glanced around for an alternate route. Not finding one, he grabbed Roy and pulled him between some bushes to their right. 

“Hey! What…” Roy was silenced by Dick’s lips hitting his. Kisses became frantic as Dick pulled him closer, trying to keep him occupied. Roy pulled back, slightly panting. “I love the enthusiasm, but the car is right there.” He gestured. "We can definitely continue this there." 

“I…” Dick wondered how much he could say without giving away that he was aware of sketchy ongoings with people in attendance. “Those people might see us.”

Roy bit his lower lip. “Shy about being seen leaving a party with me?” Dick nodded. “Ok.” Roy looked around. “This way.” He dragged Dick back toward the pool area and locked them both in the dark pool house. “Better?” He asked, grabbing Dick’s hips and pulling him forward. 

“Yeah.” Dick sighed as Roy rocked against him. Lips reconnected and hands explored as they fell back into enjoying each other. No one could see them here and they wouldn’t have to worry about being interrupted. “I was surprised that you sent me those pics last week.” Dick whispered between kisses. 

“I wanted to see what you'd send back. And I guess I wanted to see more of you.” Roy pressed his cheek against Dick’s, lowering his voice. “I could send you more tonight. I could even let you see everything if you want, but if you’d rather see it in person…” He took Dick’s hand in his and guided it to his belt buckle. “I’m all yours.” 

Dick’s heart hammered as he pulled away. This was going too quickly, too far from the simple distraction it was meant to be. “What, and kill all the suspense? I thought you wanted to be mysterious.” He teased.

Roy laughed softly. “You’re right. Let’s keep some mystery between us for now. It’ll be more fun.” He stepped in and kissed him again. “No matter how much I want to have more of you to play with.”

Dick’s cheeks reddened and he chuckled nervously. He was going to run out of excuses for holding back soon. Especially if Roy kept saying things like that. Roy backed him against a wall to continue their make out. 

“Ow!” Dick flinched as a sharp edge hit his elbow. 

Roy instantly backed off. “Are you ok?” He sounded worried as he pulled out his phone and lit up the flashlight, checking him over. They hadn’t turned on any lights to stay hidden. 

“Yeah, just bumped into that corner.” Dick said, rubbing his arm. 

“I was worried that I hurt you.” Roy said relieved. Dick was taken aback by this. Roy was a certified jerk when they were together as Titans, but here he was so different. So much sweeter and understanding. Dick’s heart fell as he realized he also was acting differently when out of costume and alone with him. Would this all disappear if he were to tell Roy who he was? Could he afford to be more patient with Roy when in uniform? Maybe their animosity as Titans was all a misunderstanding. Roy’s phone buzzed in his hand. “I guess I have to go.” He gestured at the screen. “Ollie’s messaging me.”

“Oh.” Dick was disappointed. “I should actually be looking for Bruce. He’ll wonder where I went.”

“Yeah.” Roy paused before grabbing Dick’s tie and pulling him in for a final kiss. “Let’s go."

They snuck back into the party and looked around for their respective guardians. 

“I don’t believe I’ve met you two yet.” A voice crooned as a woman stepped into their path. She was a few years older than them and very conventionally attractive. But she also happened to be someone they were supposed to avoid. “My name is Evie.” She was practically batting her eyelashes at them. 

“I’m Roy Harper, Oliver Queen’s ward.” Roy said smoothly. “I’m sure you’ve heard of him.” He cockily smirked. Ugh. Dick wanted to roll his eyes.

“I certainly have.” She smiled, stepping closer. “I was just talking to a friend earlier that said his ward was the hottest guy here tonight. Glad I finally get to see you for myself.” Her eyes looked him up and down before focusing on his own. 

“That’s quite a compliment.” Roy puffed out his chest. “Do you agree with your friend?” 

She smiled coyly. “I believe her now I've met you, you’re much better looking in person.” Dick could see Roy queuing up for more flirting and needed to get him away quickly. “Would you like to meet my friend? I'm sure she’d go absolutely insane if you spoke to her.” The girl giggled. 

“I’d much rather keep talking to you.” Roy flirted. “Tell me about you Evie.”

She smiled and moved closer. “What do you want to know?”

“Roy.” Dick interrupted. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Sorry about him, this is Dick Grayson, ward of Bruce Wayne. He’s a friend of mine.” Roy gestured to him. 

She turned her playful eyes to Dick and he couldn’t be impolite. “Hi.” He smiled. 

She hummed. “Two attractive men from such notable households?” She placed a dainty hand to her chest. “Whatever will I do with you both.” She smiled slyly and looked them over. “I would still like you to meet my friend though.” She motioned at Roy before walking away, beckoning them forward. 

Dick grabbed Roy’s arm. “Hey, don't go with her.”

“Why? You jealous?” Roy snickered. “I thought we were casual.”

“It’s not that.” Dick whispered, trying to pull him back more. 

“Then what?” Roy leaned in to whisper. 

“Remember how I said Bruce loves gossip? Well according to him she’s trouble.” Dick tried to stay as vague as possible. He couldn’t just say she’s possibly part of a cult that might try and kill you.

“Trouble how?” Roy smirked. “I like a little trouble.” 

“Not the good kind.” Dick insisted. 

“What are you waiting for?” She called and waved innocently. “I know she’s going to love you both.”

Roy looked at Dick again. “How much trouble could she be?” 

Dick groaned as Roy followed her. The annoyance he usually felt around Speedy was welling up. One thing was for sure, Roy was still his reckless self, even out of costume. Dick trailed along after him as a precaution. He couldn’t just let him go off alone with her. Roy was flirting with the two women as Dick caught up. If he couldn’t see they were over exaggerating everything, then he really was an idiot. Roy’s jokes weren’t that funny. Dick thought to himself as they laughed boisterously. 

“And what about you?” One of the women turned her attention to Dick. He hadn’t been paying attention to the conversation closely enough to know what she’d asked. 

“Uh.” He glanced at Roy and then back to her. 

“You’ll have to excuse this one.” Roy said, tossing an arm around his shoulders. “He’s the shy type, not really one for conversation.”

Is that how Roy saw him as Dick Grayson? He’d certainly never say that about him as Robin. He stayed silent and let the woman speak again. “Honestly I like shy guys.” She winked. “We could go somewhere more quiet if you wanted.” She suggested. 

“I like the sound of that.” Roy grinned. “We can go have a relaxing conversation. Just the four of us.”

“I thought you said Oliver was looking for you earlier.” Dick said, trying one last effort to get Roy away from the women. 

“I’m sure he’s fine, he’ll call if he really needs me.” Roy tugged him along with him, following the women. 

Dick had to think fast, before they could be out of sight from the crowd. He could tell Roy what was really going on, but then he’d have to explain why he knew about it. There had to be some way of getting Roy away from them without dropping his secret identity. As they entered a library off the main hallway he decided if he couldn't get Roy away, he’d better watch them like a hawk and keep him from being swept up in their plot. Dick wasn’t surprised that Roy ended up on a couch with one of the women in his lap, while Dick sat on another couch trying to keep a distance from the other. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to…” The woman nodded over at Roy and his current make out partner. 

“No. Thanks.” He blushed, playing up the shy boy act. If this were any other party with any other guests he might be tempted, but the possibility of being murdered while not paying attention was too much of a deciding factor. He watched them for a second longer, disgust creeping up in his throat. Turning back to the woman next to him he noticed she kept anxiously opening and closing her clutch.  The small purse was unassuming and wouldn’t hold anything like a traditional weapon, but she would open it and touch something inside before withdrawing her hand and closing it again. She was nervous. Dick decided he could question her a little in hopes of getting her to confess. “Are you alright?” He asked with concern in his voice.  

“Yes.” She leaned forward. “I was just hoping you’d want to have some fun. You know, relax a little bit.” She giggled, placing a hand on his knee. He looked back over at Roy. Nothing was wrong so far. The woman in his lap was eagerly kissing him, one hand in his hair the other … in her purse? Why would… “Dick?” The woman next to him squeezed his leg before trailing her hand up a little further. “Don’t you want to have some fun?”

He needed to know what was in their purses. Turning fully toward her he smiled. “Sure.”

She looked almost relieved and leaned in to kiss him. Her lips were soft, and she smelled amazing, but he couldn't let himself be swept away. Making sure her eyes were closed he managed to reach out and tilt her open clutch to look inside. His blood ran cold as he saw a syringe filled with clear liquid. He needed to get out of this with Roy before something happened. He quickly formed a plan to escape and bring attention to what was in her purse, but before he could execute it Roy suddenly stood. The woman that had been in his lap stumbled as she was brought to her feet, her wrist caught in Roy’s hand. “I didn’t know it was that kind of party babe.” He plucked a similar syringe from the woman’s hand and waved it in the air. “Hey Dick, I’d say we’re not fun enough for these ladies on our own.”

In record time Dick yanked the clutch from the woman he’d been sitting with and stood, backing away. “You don’t understand.” The woman protested. 

“Oh?” Roy scoffed, still playing keep away with the other woman, holding the syringe out of her reach. “Why would you try to drug us?”

The woman he was holding on to stopped struggling and smiled. “It’s just a little fun. It’ll make you feel things you’ve never felt before. I could show you how it works.”

Before any reply could be said the doors to the library burst open. “See? I told you they’d be here!” Oliver announced to Bruce. “Couple of chips off the old block right?” He nudged into Bruce’s side. 

Bruce laughed, sounding a bit tipsy. “Remember when we were the ones sneaking off with girls together Ollie?” 

“You still do!” Oliver laughed with him. They moved forward and paused. “What’s that Roy?” Oliver asked, pointing at the syringe. 

“She tried to drug me.” Roy said, keeping a vice grip on her wrist as she tried to pull away again. 

Bruce had made eye contact with Dick and he motioned to the clutch he still held. He could see Bruce's subtle nod of knowing exactly what was going on. 

“This is all a misunderstanding.” The woman in front of him said, trying to reach out to reclaim her purse. He held it away from her. 

“Look, if you want to have a good time, you can, but leave my boy out of it.” Oliver said. “Cuz believe me Roy, I’ve been there, done that, and it’s definitely not worth it.”

“No worries old man.” Roy pushed her away slightly before he dropped the syringe back into the her purse and tossed the whole thing away from them onto the couch. 

“Well, this party isn’t what I expected. Come on Dick, we’re leaving.” Bruce pouted. “You can find a different girlfriend later.”

Just as Dick was backing away from the woman there was a ruckus from outside the hallway. Police officers barged into the room and swiftly put the two women under arrest. Dick was confused, but figured Bruce had this as a plan all along. With evidence handed over and statements given they were free to leave. 

“Did you call the police?” Dick asked once they were outside. 

Bruce shook his head. “Commissioner Gordon already had this place staked out. He needed more evidence to actually make a case but an informant tipped them off about plans to kidnap someone at the party and that’s why they came tonight.”

“So Roy and I could’ve been kidnapped then? That’s what they needed the drugs for.” Dick inquired, figuring it would be something along those lines. 

Bruce nodded. “I discovered a secret chamber they would have smuggled you to and where they would hold you for ransom.”

“So it wasn’t a death cult?” Dick felt more at ease. 

“No. The men who ended up dead had a rare allergy to the drugs they used to knock them out.” Bruce said. "But that doesn't explain why more and more people seem to get involved."

Dick hummed. “Kidnapping for ransom? Accidental deaths? That’s definitely interesting.”

“I still don’t know all the details or believe it’s that simple, but maybe it is.” Bruce put his tipsy playboy persona back on as Oliver and Roy approached. “Hey Ollie baby, sounds like our boys take after us. Dick said those girls were practically kidnapping them.”

Oliver laughed and threw an arm around Roy. “He’s definitely my son then. With the amount of times women have tried to snag me.” Dick watched Roy’s face. Something like a mix of being pleased and bitter went across it. 

Bruce laughed and pulled Oliver closer to him. “But if they were exactly like us I think you know what they’d be doing now the party got busted up?”

“Find another party!” Oliver cheered, dragging Bruce away towards the cars. 

Roy looked over at Dick. “Do we have to babysit still or can we go find our own party?” 

Dick laughed. “Honestly we better get them home before they end up in the news again. I’m going to say I found a party and take Bruce back to the house.”

Roy chuckled. “Good idea.”

Dick spent a few minutes negotiating a “drunk” Bruce into the limo. He was making a really good show at this point. Once they’d pulled away Bruce dropped the act. “I thought I told you to avoid people on that list.”

Dick cringed. “You did. But Roy went off with one of them. I couldn’t just leave him alone.”

“Fair.” Bruce commented, fixing his jacket. “Good work. I’m glad you’re both ok.” 

“Yeah.” Dick sighed, leaning into the seat and taking a deep breath. He needed a moment to process. Could that situation have been avoided or made easier by Roy knowing his identity? Yes. Did it turn out fine without him knowing? Yes. But that might not always be the case. “Hey Bruce, what if we were to tell Ollie and Roy about our secret? We work so often with them that it could be…”

“No.” Bruce wouldn’t even hear him out. 

“But they know to keep identities secret. They…” he tried to explain his view. 

“I said no.” Bruce shut him down. “There are other reasons why I do not share our identities with them. I expect you to keep your word that you would never tell.”

Dick nodded. “Don’t worry I won’t say anything.”

Alone in his room that night, Dick wrestled with the decision of keeping everything a secret. He wanted his team to trust him. He wanted to be free from the secret he constantly had to guard. Then again he liked his anonymity and the freedom to disconnect himself as a civilian. He liked being Dick Grayson around Roy at galas and having a friend to text that knew nothing about his vigilante status. Having conversations about normal life and everyday things was relaxing. He liked just being himself around Roy with no pressure of leadership. He liked having his attention in a way that didn’t cause them to constantly want to fight. A sharp pang of guilt struck him. He didn’t want to deceive Roy although he already was. He had been surprised earlier by Roy calling him shy. Recalling his behavior he could see how his reluctance to get too close was probably seen as shyness. His phone buzzed and he checked the screen. 

“You up?” The words made him chuckle to himself. 

“Yes.” He waited to see what Roy would send this time. He mentally scolded himself for hoping for his teammate’s nudes. 

“I hope you’re not mad about tonight. I should’ve listened to you. She was trouble.” Dick stared at the phone, jaw dropping in disbelief. Did Roy just … admit he was wrong?

“It’s ok. Things turned out fine.” He answered back. 

“I just feel bad about ditching you for Evie though.” Roy said.  

“I’m ok. I promise I’m not mad.” Dick was truthful about that. He wasn’t mad considering it helped crack the investigation.  

“So I’ll see you soon then?” Roy asked.

“Did you just want to make sure I’d be your make out buddy going forward?” Dick laughed to himself. 

Roy was typing… then nothing. Tone was hard to understand via text. Did Roy think he was accusing rather than joking? He was about to clarify when a message came through. “I’d rather it be you than her after tonight. I trust you.” 

Dick’s heart sank. No. He couldn’t actually trust him if he didn’t know who he actually was. 

“Thank you.” Was all he could reply with. He didn’t know how else to respond, and didn't feel like talking anymore. 

...

Dick arrived at their team headquarters and found Roy in a training room doing some target practice. “I could use a moving target.” Roy smirked. 

Dick ignored the quip. “I heard you busted a kidnapping ring earlier this week.” 

Roy pulled another arrow and lined up his shot. “Yeah, the whole thing was a set up for targeting the richest guys they could find to get money from their family.  Luckily I was the one they targeted that night. All I had to do was make out with a girl till she tried to drug me.” He held a small pause before the arrow flew from his bow. 

“Good for you.” Dick grumbled. “Sounds like an easy case.” 

“Sure, sounds easy. Even though I didn’t want to do it. But hey, I had to start the investigation somewhere.” Roy let another arrow fly.  

“What do you mean you didn’t want to? I thought you’d be all about that. Isn’t getting women a goal for you?” Dick half scolded. 

Roy scoffed. “Normally yes, but I was already making out with someone else that night.” 

Dick wanted to ask detailed questions but knew that would be weird. “Not another kidnapper I hope.” He joked.  

Roy laughed, inspecting his bow. “Nah. I had someone I actually enjoyed being with. But I had to ditch them for her to try and get kidnapped.” He said. “Total bummer if you ask me. Arrow wanted me to stay away from the action until I was absolutely needed. Then I had to step in if anyone targeted me.” 

“So the whole thing was a set up?” Dick wondered aloud. 

“You could say that.” Roy shrugged.  

“What happened to your original girl? She just let you go lock lips with someone else?” Dick asked, pretending he had no clue Roy was into guys as well. 

Roy sighed and moved away from the targeting area. “I couldn’t actually tell them that I had to investigate a murder/kidnapping ring. I felt bad though when they saw me kissing the crazy girl. I said I was sorry and they seemed ok with it. We’re not in a relationship or anything after all. We’re kinda doing a friends with benefits thing I guess? But still, I think it’s rude to ditch your partner for another right in front of them and I couldn’t even say why.” He frowned. Dick was surprised that Roy was this worried about him. The fact that he was sharing all this to him as Robin was telling. “But what do you care anyway?” Roy huffed, moving back to the targeting area. 

There it was. That attitude he held for him specifically it seemed as Robin. “I do care.” Dick said. “I care if you’re emotionally compromised and if you’re going to let that affect the team.” 

Speedy’s bow lowered. “Of course that’s all you think about.” He returned an arrow to his quiver and started walking toward the door. 

Robin moved to block it. “I didn’t mean for it to sound like that.” 

Speedy stopped just in front of him. “No? Cuz it sure sounded like what you meant was we're tools you need to make sure work right for you to use.” 

Robin’s jaw twitched. “I’m sorry.”

Speedy’s head jerked up in surprise. “What?” 

Robin reached out to put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry I don’t always act like I care, but I do. I care because you’re my…”

“If you say that we’re friends I’ll know it’s a lie.” Speedy pulled away. “Just admit that you don’t want to be friends with any of us, you just want us to perform for your little team leader dreams.”

Robin didn’t know what to say. “I do want to be your friend. I… don’t have many and I… I don’t just see you guys as teammates and nothing more. I don't see you as tools.” 

“Then why do you act like we can’t be trusted?” Speedy was growing angry again, approaching Robin and backing him towards the door. Robin stopped moving to try and say something, but Roy just came closer trying to shove him out of his path. 

“Move dammit!” Being pretty much matched in strength they held each other in place. 

“Tell me what you want me to do!” Robin growled. “You want me to act as your friend, but when I try you say it’s fake!?”

“You can’t be my friend if I don’t even know your name!” Speedy pushed back. 

Robin wanted so badly to yell that he did know his name. He knew more than that in fact. But he gave in instead, letting Roy shove him aside before watching him leave. He hated not having the chance to be trusted by Roy. In any capacity. He sighed and flopped onto a bench by the exit. 

“What did he say to you this time?” Robin looked up to see Bumblebee in the doorway. “Don’t let him get to you. He’s just an ass sometimes.” She comforted.

“I know, but I could probably be better at not being one back.” He sighed. Why couldn’t he have the easy going relationship with Roy like he had out of the mask?

“Yeah, you could honestly." She huffed. "You’re a great leader Robin, but sometimes we need to figure things out on our own. It feels like you're constantly micromanaging or don’t trust us.” She said sincerely. 

He knew she was right. There was an issue with trust all around when he couldn’t even put himself on the line by sharing his identity, why would they want to listen to him? “I do trust you all. I’ve said before that the reason I don’t tell you my real name isn’t because I don’t trust you guys. It’s because I promised Batman that I wouldn’t tell anyone. What about the trust he has in me to keep my secret?”

She nodded, fiddling with her costume. “I get it. But sometimes you get back what you give.” She shrugged and walked onto the training floor to begin her practice. 

Robin stood and walked down the hallway towards the common area, wondering if there was anything he could say to Bruce to convince him that the Teen Titans were worthy of knowing who they were.

Chapter Text

Turns out, there was more to their previously investigated kidnapping ring. Bruce dug in again and Dick was by his side this time. “So there is a cult!” Dick said as he read evidence of plans to summon a demonic force through sacrifice. 

“Yes, they just need enough members to fulfill their quota of devotees before they can make a sacrifice.” Bruce clarified. 

“So were the kidnappings and ransoms just a decoy?” Dick puzzled. “Why kidnap people and then ransom them if you need more people?”

“My guess is they need willing participants for the summoning.” Bruce said, looking over some ancient texts they’d acquired about the demon, courtesy of Zatanna. “They attempt to recruit new members and if the person isn’t willing they hold them in exchange for money instead.”

“So, can I go undercover this time now we know what’s going on?” Dick teased. 

“Yes, I was actually going to ask if you wanted to.” Bruce admitted, smiling at his protege’s enthusiasm.

“Really?” Dick perked up. Was Bruce finally seeing he was capable of being on his own?

“We need to know their plan for the final act. What their sacrifice will be, and how we can stop it.” Bruce came up with a plan alongside Dick to get into their ranks. “I’ve analyzed the drug they used to do the kidnapping.” Bruce said. Dick recalled the syringes in the women’s purses from last time he’d encountered cult members. “The formula causes a trance-like state, allowing the subject to be more docile and follow orders. It wears off in about an hour and they most likely assess the participant’s willingness during that time.” He reached into a box on the workbench before them, pulling out a vial. “I’ve managed to come up with a compound that can lessen the effects of the drug. If you’re willing, we can have you go undercover and see what their end goals and locations are.”

“I’m in.” Dick nodded confidently. 

“Good. I knew I could count on you.” Bruce praised. “Now we just have to wait for them to start to build their numbers again and find a suitable event to attend.”

…

“I might be off grid for a while sometime soon.” Robin informed his team at their base. “I’ll be working on something out of our area and I’ll need all of you to be diligent and watch out for each other while I’m away. Contact the league if anything serious happens.”

“Why? You’re probably running out of country ops and you think we need a babysitter?” Speedy asked with bitterness clear in his tone. 

“No, I just..” That’s not what Robin had wanted to imply at all.

“We are a team you know, we can handle you being away for a while.” Speedy looked around at the others who nodded or stayed still. 

“I think he’s just saying if we need extra help he won’t be there.” Kid Flash piped up. Poor Kid was always trying to defend him and make everyone get along. But Dick could see the tension in the room that no one wanted to break. 

“Yes, Wally. I just want you all to know I’ll be gone. Sorry for sounding like you can’t function without me. I know you can.” He said hoping that would settle it. 

The tension remained. “Where are you off to?” Donna said, trying to bring back the discussion.

“I can’t say, but I’ll be completely off of any coms and unavailable. So if you can’t reach me that’s why.” Robin put simply. He couldn’t say he’d be undercover as himself and not available to be Robin because he was about to be inducted into a cult. 

“Ooh are you going off planet!? Space mission!” Wally cheered. 

Dick chuckled. “Not quite, but that would be fun. Maybe one day.” 

“You know what else would be fun?” Donna smiled. “There’s a movie in the park near my apartment happening tomorrow and I think we should all go together!”

“Ooh We could hit the farmers market you told me about in the afternoon beforehand!” Bumblebee spoke up.

“Will there be food?” Kid Flash asked eagerly. 

There was a general agreement among the group but Robin knew instantly he’d have to duck out of their activities. Not only would he be busy, he also couldn’t just show up with no disguise. “I’ve got to get back to the Batcave, and I’ll be busy tomorrow night, but you can all go. Out of uniform of course.” He said. “Have fun guys.” He moved away from the main area as they planned their outing, heading for the exit. What he wouldn’t give to just be normal and hang out with them as a group. 

He was back in the manor when he got a text from Roy. “Hey, Ollie mentioned that you and Bruce are going to be at the groundbreaking event tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there.” He answered. 

“I’ll be there too then.” Roy said, leaving him confused. Why wouldn’t Roy want to go with the others?

“I bet it’ll be boring, too bad you don’t have anything else to do.” He wondered if Roy would say anything about why he decided to skip the farmers market and movie in the park with the Titans. 

“I could be anywhere else, but honestly I want to hang out with you.” Roy said. “We could ditch together.”

Dick felt the twinge of excitement and fear again. The adrenalin rush of sneaking away and the possibility of getting caught fueled his imagination as he pictured them escaping and finding a secluded spot to be alone. “I’m game if you are.” 

“Deal, I’ll find you tomorrow then.” Roy typed. 

Dick sat with Bruce at dinner that night, trying to figure out a way to bring up plans for the next day. “Do you think any members of the cult will be there tomorrow? Should I keep an eye out for an opportunity to be kidnapped?” he grinned. 

“I don’t think so.” Bruce chuckled. “You seem eager to get taken by them.”

“I just want to get it over with honestly, the faster we can get me undercover, the faster we stop them.” Dick reasoned. “That lessens the chance of anyone getting hurt.”

“That’s true.” Bruce agreed. “But they haven’t shown any movement and I have no reason to suspect they’ll strike tomorrow.” 

“Cool, so I can relax and sightsee on my own downtown tomorrow?” Dick asked, prepping his escape. 

“If you want to. I understand you won’t want to stay around for the whole event.” Bruce knew that Dick got bored a lot at the upper society functions. He often let him have his own time in the city if he wanted. 

“Cool.” Dick kept himself calm. He didn’t want Bruce to think he was too excited to get away. He might get suspicious of him. Even if it wasn’t the park with the team, he’d still get to hang out with Roy and have a day out of costume. 

The next day found them in a high-rise downtown where a luncheon and presentation would be held before the groundbreaking was live streamed from an empty lot, blocks away. “Brucie, sweetie!” Oliver walked up to them, Roy following along after. 

“Ollie, you know I’m the one that calls you sweetie.” Bruce crooned. 

Roy made pointed eye contact with Dick. Both shared a look of annoyed reluctance to be near them. A sort of aggravated cringe was shared between them in solidarity. 

“Not lately.” Oliver joked, jabbing a fist against Bruce’s arm. 

“That’s because you never call.” Bruce pouted before turning to Dick and placing a hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you and Roy go find something to do around here, I’m sure you won’t be interested in boring old men talking and digging in the dirt, whatever this is called that’s happening.”

Oliver snorted. “A groundbreaking?”

“That’s it!” Bruce smiled. “Go on son.” He nudged Dick forward toward Roy. 

“Well that was easier than I thought.” Roy commented as they walked away from the crowd. 

“Yeah.” Dick hummed. “Almost takes the fun out of it.”

“Maybe that’s why.” Roy said. “They both thought we’d try to sneak off and cause trouble at the event so they killed the temptation.” He laughed.

"Why would they think we would cause trouble?" Dick chuckled.

"Didn't you end up in one of the chandeliers at a party before?" Roy teased. 

"It was one time! I was nine!" Dick groaned. 

Roy hummed. “Like they’re ones to talk honestly. Maybe we should stay and watch them. Just in case they plan to do something we’d have to bail them out for.” 

Dick scoffed. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Right. So maybe this time we let them get out of it on their own.” Roy smiled and pulled a valet ticket from his pocket. “Care to get away?”

“Why not?” Dick enjoyed the banter with Roy as they drove around in Roy’s sports car. Just the two of them smiling and laughing together felt strange. It felt unreal, almost fake. Too good to be true.

“Man, why weren’t we friends sooner?” Roy asked, glancing over as they waited at a stop light. “We have so much in common. Plus, you’re fun.” His hand reached out and rested on Dick’s thigh. 

Dick’s heart rate increased. “Yeah? So are you.” He smiled. “I never thought I’d…” He was cut off by honking from the car behind them as the light had turned green. 

“My bad.” Roy sped off. “Let’s find somewhere to go that requires less focus. You’re distracting.” He smirked playfully. 

Dick secretly liked that he could command Roy’s attention. Now if only he’d pay attention that closely to him when in uniform. Roy drove them out from the city to an overlook. It wasn’t one of the popular teenage make out spots, so there weren't many cars driving by or any stopping. They looked out over the city, bustling in the sunshine, the radio playing low in the background. They had a seemingly normal genuinely nice conversation on the way up and Dick was enjoying how relaxed he could be with Roy as his friend. Roy paused at one point in their conversation and said. “I bet all the girls fall for those gorgeous eyes of yours.” 

Dick blushed, looking away. “Oh, yeah, it’s kind of a thing I guess.” 

“I mean who wouldn’t be attracted to you though?” Roy brought a curled finger under Dick’s chin. Gently guiding his face to make eye contact with him. “Look at you.” Dick wanted to break. He wanted to kiss Roy. He wanted to touch him. His heart hammered as he imagined undoing Roy’s belt and unzipping his pants. His mouth watered with thoughts of choking on his… “You good?” Roy must’ve seen him space out. His thumb moved softly on Dick’s chin and his resolution dissolved. 

“Kiss me.” Dick managed to whisper. 

Roy smirked like he’d won and leaned in. His kisses were too soft. Too polite. Dick needed more. He wove a hand behind Roy’s neck and pulled him in. Roy could probably sense his urgency and climbed over to be in front of Dick, hitting the seat control so it slid back farther from the dash. Roy knelt in front of him, yanking his hips forward in the seat, their bodies pressed together. 

“I need a bigger car.” Roy chuckled as he leaned himself forward as though desperately trying to touch every bit of his body to Dick’s. “A back seat would be nice right now.”

“Yeah.” Dick was too overcome by his lust in the moment to joke. He pushed himself forward more, holding on to Roy’s shoulder with one hand, the other keeping him propped up as his hips ground down against Roy’s. 

Roy’s breathing quickened as the friction increased. His cock was growing hard as his hips thrust forward between Dick’s legs. Kisses were sloppy and fleeting, Roy’s hands were gripping at Dick’s torso and hips as a groan escaped his lips. Dick could feel him through their clothes and desperately wanted to be free of them. He could almost picture Roy delving into him over and over in this position. He could do it. All he had to do was say he wanted him and he could have him. The thrill it caused made him moan and his head tilt back hitting the headrest. 

“Shit!" Roy suddenly moved from his position, dropping lower and pushing Dick away from him, back into the seat. They were both breathing hard and Dick was scared that he’d pushed too far. “We gotta slow down.” Roy panted with a smile. “You’re just too damn hot and I don’t have a change of underwear.” He leaned in, kissing him softly again. 

Dick attempted to deepen the kiss. “I need more.” He whispers, pulling him in again, his hand delving between them and stroking at the hardened bulge in Roy’s pants. 

Roy gasped and chuckled breathily as he grabbed Dick’s wrist, holding him still. There was certainly something to be said about the archer’s grip strength. “If you want more I’ll give it to you, but you said you didn’t want casual hookups.”

Dick was in a tortured state. He wanted this. He wanted it bad, but the voice of reason was once again present in his mind as he was brought to soberness. “You’re right. I don’t think we should do that.” His hand pulled away from Roy’s grip. 

Roy nodded and sighed as he flung the passenger door open and climbed out, taking a few steps away from the car. 

Dick was forcing himself down from the high. His desire had almost been too much. He snapped back to reality as he looked over at Roy and saw him overlooking the city again outside the car. That was Speedy… that was his teammate. Dick took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. “Hey, sorry about that.”

Roy scoffed. “Are you kidding? I could do that all day, but I don’t want to get carried away if you’re not comfortable with it.”

Dick confirmed, stepping closer. “I.. You’re right, I don’t think it’s a good idea to get carried away.” 

Roy nodded, his face not showing much emotion. “I figured you’d feel that way. I don’t want to get too involved and mess this up. I like being friends with you.” He turned to face Dick with a smile. “You’re just cool, and fun to talk to. I don’t want that to go away.” 

Dick backed up, leaning against the car. “We can still talk. I don’t want to stop being friends either.” He smiled behind the pain of knowing he’d probably lose this if Speedy ever learned he was Robin. He didn’t want things to end, but he needed to distance himself and prepare for the fallout if the day came that he could tell Roy who he was. At this point it might be years away. They’d probably be official members of the Justice League by then, or even out of hero business, and settled down with families. But still, Dick could imagine Roy showing up at his house and punching him straight in the face for finding out that he lied to him back when they were making out. 

“No worries on my end.” Roy said. “I want you as a friend too.” He got closer and adjusted Dick’s hair a little. “My only problem is trying not to scare you off.”

Dick laughed, but it was hollow. “Believe me, I get it.”

“How could you ever scare me off Dickie?” Roy smiled at him, his eyes softly tracing his face and lips before holding his gaze. 

Dick shrugged thinking about how Speedy looked at Robin. “I could.”

Roy shook his head. “I doubt that.”

They fell back into casual conversation again and watched as the sun began to set, casting a red glow across the sky. “But that’ll always be true though. Books are better than movie adaptations just because of the detail you can put in a book.” Dick said. 

“But if you think of the movie as an alternate reality, then the book is its own thing, not better or worse.” Roy countered. 

“But the book is where the reality of the movies spawn from and they can’t possibly match the detail and energy perfectly.” Dick reasoned. 

“I can see how that's a thing.” Roy acknowledged before turning to face Dick more. They were sitting on the hood of the car now, enjoying the cool evening air. “Let me know if you want to leave at all, I don’t want to keep you from anything important.”

“The only thing I’d be missing right now is dinner.” Dick shrugged watching leaves fall from a nearby tree. 

“Then we should go get something to eat.” Roy suggested, standing up and holding out a hand to Dick. 

“Sure.” Dick grabbed his hand and was pulled to his feet. Roy’s arms encircled his waist and placed a kiss on his lips. 

“Sorry, couldn’t resist.” He smiled cheekily. 

Dick smirked with an exhale. “And if I said I don’t want you to resist me?”

Roy’s eyes met his with a look of deep satisfaction. “I’d say you’re only teasing.” He winked with a sly smirk. 

Dick pulled away and walked towards the passenger side of the car. “I wouldn’t be teasing though. I’d mean it” 

In a few short steps Roy had caught up to him and spun him around, backing him against the car. They were locked in vicious kisses and had eagerly grasping hands. Dick’s legs ended up wrapped around Roy’s waist as he pounded against him again, building the friction between them. Dick pulled him in closer, his arms wrapped around his shoulders, tongue delving into Roy’s mouth. Roy’s hand went between them, grabbing at Dick’s swelling cock. Dick broke from their kissing. “Roy!!” He inhaled sharply, a whine tearing from his lungs as the feeling in his gut spiked. 

Roy froze, removing his hand from him and resting his forehead on Dick’s shoulder. “God, you can’t say my name like that baby, slow down.”

A shock of cold went through Dick’s body upon hearing the term of endearment and he released Roy from his hold, feet dropping back on the ground. They were inches apart still, breathing heavily and staring into each other’s eyes. Dick needed to stop this. “Can we go now?”

Roy nodded and pushed away, going back to the driver’s side. They sat in the car for a moment as Roy turned over the engine. He took a deep breath. “Sorry, if I come on too strong.” 

“No!” Dick didn’t need him feeling guilty at all. “No, I don’t mind. It’s just… I don’t know what this means for us.”

Roy’s head turned sharply. “Us?”

“Our friendship.” Dick said. “I’m not exactly the best at being your friend, and I don’t want to make you think I’m in this for more than…”

“Dude, you’re a great friend.” Roy cut him off. “I’m not looking for anything serious romantically if that’s what you’re worried about." He turned his gaze back out to the city. "I want this to be all worry free. No attachments, no feelings, no strings attached. That good with you?” Roy asked. 

Dick felt a little better knowing that Roy wasn’t serious about anything happening between them, but he still wanted to back off, just in case there came a time where he had to tell the truth about who he was. “Yes, I’m more than good with keeping things unattached. And I do think I need things to lighten up a little for now.”

Roy swallowed and chewed on his lip. “Yeah. We probably should.” He shifted and put his hands on the wheel, gripping it tight. “You make it hard though.”

Dick laughed. “I can tell.” 

Roy rolled his eyes and laughed with him. Dick was surprised at the restaurant they ended up at. It wasn’t strange for people as wealthy and connected as them to be there, but it was heralded as more of a romantic date night location. “Have you been here before?” Roy asked as he retrieved a ticket from the valet. 

“No.” Dick admitted. He’d definitely known Bruce to come here though, always with a different woman. 

“You’ll love it, they have the best dessert, I swear.” Roy said as he led him in. “Reservation under Oliver Queen.” He smiled at the hostess.

“Right this way Mr. Harper.” She smiled back and led them to a private table, hidden away from the rest of the diners. 

“Thank you.” He smiled with a wink as she left, still making eyes at him as she went. 

“Come here often?” Dick asked, amused at their clearly flirty exchange. 

“Ollie has a reserved table at all times. I just take advantage when he’s not here.” Roy said casually.

Dick realized he was hungrier than he’d thought as their food arrived. Chewing left him silent as he listened to Roy talk about life, about stuff with Oliver, about getting used to living where he had everything he could want, about wanting to have friends, but not wanting people to just hang around for his money. 

“Is that why you like hanging out with me?” Dick asked. “You don’t have to worry about me mooching?”

Roy let out a huff. “Sure, that’s a plus.” He chuckled. “But there are other pluses as well.” He eyed him suggestively. 

Dick shook his head. “I’m starting to think that’s all you want from me.” He joked. 

Roy looked more horrified than he should. “Please don’t think that.” 

Dick was surprised by his reaction. “I don’t.”

Roy sighed in relief. “Don’t ever think that. I know what it’s like to feel used and I never want you to feel that way with me.”

“You feel used? By who?” Dick asked, putting down his fork.

“It’s nothing.” Roy tried to dismiss.

“No, tell me.” Dick encouraged. “That’s what I’m here for.”

Roy stared at him with a hesitant look. “It’s hard to explain.”

“Is Oliver…” Dick lowered his voice. “Are you ok at home?”

“Yeah. Ollie’s fine.” Roy said. “It’s…” He hummed. “Remember that guy I told you about before? The one who’s a jerk?”

Dick felt his heart sink. “The one you don’t kiss, but he clearly wants to?” He added with a teasing grin.

Roy scoffed. “As if he’d be so lucky.” His eyes rolled. “Yeah, him. Well, he’s kinda like… He’s a stuck up manager type and those of us that are under him are kinda feeling pushed aside. He doesn’t instill us with a lot of trust, or confidence.” 

Dick swallowed heavily. “Is this at Oliver’s company?” He asked innocently. “Bruce tried to set me up with a job in his company too, but I said no.”

“I should’ve said no.” Roy sighed. “But honestly I enjoy the work. It’s the boss I can’t stand.” 

“Ok, why? What does he do?” Dick really wanted this to be something he could learn from. 

“I feel like he expects us to function in his way or nothing.” Roy admitted. “Even if we accomplish something great, he’s pissed if we didn’t follow his plan exactly.”

“Ah.” Dick pushed food around with his fork. “So he doesn’t allow you to problem solve for yourselves?”

“Yes! And on top of being so strict, he doesn’t really bond with us at all. We all know private things about each other, but nothing about him.” Roy’s hand closed into a fist on the table. 

“I’m sorry.” Dick apologized. 

“It’s not your fault.” Roy huffed. 

It was though. Dick could feel resentment pooling in his stomach. “Does he maybe feel like there’s a lot of pressure on him to succeed? Is he looking for a promotion or something?”

Roy sat back in his chair. “I mean, there is a lot of pressure on him from above. His boss is probably worse than him when it comes to being strict and demanding of perfection.”

“So he probably has no choice!” Dick said, encouraged that Roy might be understanding his plight after all. 

“Oh he has a choice.” Roy spat. “He’s acting just like the bigger boss, when he could be so much more. He doesn’t even see how much better he could be. It wouldn’t kill him to be more aligned with us.” Dick knew Roy was right. But he couldn’t just forget everything Batman had taught. Everything that he’d done for him. “Sorry for complaining.” Roy said, bringing Dick’s attention back. “You look bummed out.”

“I just feel bad for you.” Dick said sincerely. 

“Don’t.” Roy took a drink from his glass. “You have too much empathy. It’s sweet, but I don’t want you feeling bad for my problems. Now, if you could give some of that empathy to my boss…” Roy chuckled. Dick felt downtrodden again. He really could be better as a team leader. “Let’s talk about something else. You look sad and I can’t have that.” Roy shook his head. 

Dick looked up and nodded. “You said something about great desserts here?”

It was fun and strange to share desserts with Roy. While logically they could afford to each have gotten their own, Roy had ordered one of each dessert and they’d been comparing and critiquing them together. “Ok, but who puts basil in ice cream?” Roy asked, taking a spoonful. 

“I don’t know, but I think it’s kinda good.” Dick shrugged, dipping his spoon in for more. 

Roy took one small bite from his portion before shaking his head. “Nah. Here” He held out his spoon with the remaining ice cream on it. Dick hesitated only a moment before opening his mouth for Roy. The way Roy was watching as he pushed the spoon into his mouth was making Dick feel some sort of way. Roy pulled the spoon away gently, his tongue darting over his lips in a most likely unconscious action, mirroring Dick. “You can have it then.” Roy said quickly, pushing the small dish toward him. “I came here for this.” He pulled a plate of chocolate cake towards himself, topped with ganache and a deep red dollop of something. With the restaurant being higher end, the portions were small and the cake definitely wasn’t going to last if Dick didn’t get some right away. He reached across to claim some, but his spoon was knocked aside. 

“Hey!” He smiled at Roy’s mischievous face. 

“You had all of those.” Roy pointed around at the other plates with crumbs of dessert left. “And I gave you extra ice cream.”

“Yeah but I didn’t even try that one.” Dick complained. 

“Um ok, and?” Roy sheltered the cake behind his hand. “This one is mine.”

“I thought you wanted me to try the oh so amazing desserts here.” Dick mocked. 

“And you have.” Roy gestured around again. 

“Yeah, but clearly not the best if you’re hoarding it.” Dick tried to reach over again. 

“I don’t think you’ll like this one.” Roy teased, blocking him. 

“Shouldn’t I judge for myself?” Dick leaned in again trying to avoid Roy swatting away his spoon. 

“No!” Roy chuckled, turning sideways and sheltering the cake behind his arm. 

“I think I should.” Dick stood and moved around the table trying to grab at it.

“No!” Roy laughed and shoved the whole dessert into his mouth, chewing frantically. 

Dick smacked his shoulder and laughed as Roy turned back to the table, placing down the empty plate and opening his mouth showing the cake was gone. “What are you going to do about that Dick?” He grinned triumphantly. 

“Only one way to taste it now.” Dick huffed and leaned forward swiftly, kissing Roy deeply. 

Roy pushed him away with a scoff. “You taste like that ice cream, gross.” he complained. 

Dick dropped back into his chair and smirked. “Well I think that’s your fault for not letting me have cake.”

“I never said you couldn’t have cake. Just not that one.” He snickered. 

They ended up ordering two more pieces of the cake and both ate warily watching the other. “Now I get it honestly.” Dick said as he finished his. “This is worth it.”

“See!?” Roy laughed, wiping off his mouth on his napkin before leaning back in his chair. “Told you.” Dick smiled at his cockiness. It wasn’t something he usually liked, but it fit Roy well in this setting. “When should I take you home?” Roy smirked. “Or would you like to come back to my place?”

Dick let out a bark of laughter. “Is that what you say to the girls you bring here?”

Roy hummed. “Maybe.” His face showed amusement. “But really I thought we could play some video games.” 

Dick really didn’t want this day to end, but he knew he would be too tempted to take advantage of the situation and cross lines with Roy if they were alone. “I really should get home honestly.” He said with a long breath. “Alfred might worry.”

“Alfred? Your butler?” Roy asked, confused. 

“He’s more than that honestly. He raised Bruce as his own after his parents died. He’s like family.” Dick said sincerely. 

“Ok, but the offer stands if you want. Anytime.” Roy assured. He stood and motioned for Dick to follow, pulling cash out of his wallet and dropping it on the table. “Don’t worry about paying.” 

“I thought you didn’t like people mooching.” Dick snorted. 

“Oh don’t even worry about it, it's all on Ollie’s tab, I just pay tip.” He smiled wickedly. Dick had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing too loudly in the dining room they were walking through. 

“Hope you enjoyed your date Mr. Harper.” The hostess winked at him. 

“Not a date, Liv.” He leaned on her host stand. 

“So you’re available then?” She raised an eyebrow. 

“Pencil me in whenever you’re off babe.” He flirted smoothly. 

“I'll text you a confirmation.” She smiled and waved as he walked away. 

“Wow, you make that look easy.” Dick said as they headed toward the valet. 

“Nah, I’ve been working her for weeks to be honest.” Roy said. “I like hard to get. It’s better if there’s some tension. Even though I admit I’m easy as fuck.” 

Dick knew all about tension by now. He knew it was good and bad for his situation. It was something that felt addictive, but something he should probably quit looking for. If he could tone it down and let him and Roy just be normal friends, then the blow of finding out who he was eventually wouldn’t be so bad. He watched Roy tip the valets and they got into the car. “Should I take you straight home?”

Dick nodded. “I really should get back.”

Roy looked understanding. “Cool.” They drove in near silence toward the last of their time together. As though they were both disappointed it was ending. A song playing in the background wasn’t enough to keep Dick from thinking about their day together. “We should hang out more.” Roy suggested. 

“Yeah.” Dick said before thinking. “But I’ll have to check my upcoming schedule. I’ve got a lot of events and practices planned.” 

“Practices?” Roy inquired, turning onto the lane leading up to Wayne Manor.

“Gymnastics.” Dick clarified. It was his cover story for injuries sustained in the field and it was something he liked doing.  

Roy pulled around in the drive and put the car in park. “Ah, I was wondering.”

“Wondering?” Dick turned to look at him. 

Roy’s hand reached out and grabbed his, running his fingers over Dick’s callouses. “I was wanting to know how you got these.”

“Bars, rings, pommel horse, I do a bunch of stuff that tears up my hands.” Dick admitted, looking down at his free palm, Roy still holding his other, stroking it lightly. 

“I like how they feel.” Roy said. 

Dick needed to keep himself from saying anything inappropriate at the moment. “Thanks.” He pulled away and reached for the door. 

“No goodbye kiss?” Roy teased. 

“Not a date.” Dick laughed and got out of the car heading into the manor. 

“I see you managed to find something better than the groundbreaking?” Alfred said as he entered.

“Uh, yeah. Roy and I hung out, got dinner, nothing crazy.” Dick said heading into the house. “Bruce in the cave?”

“I believe so.” Alfred affirmed. “He was waiting for you to go out on patrol.” 

“Thanks Alfred!” Dick sprinted away to join Batman on their nightly crusade. 

Patrol in Gotham was surprisingly easy that night. Dick managed to be in bed at a decent time. Opening his phone he saw a message from Roy that had come in hours ago. It was a picture of him laying in bed seemingly naked, with only a thin sheet covering his lower half. “Just in case you need sweet dreams.” He’d written. 

Dick let his eyes close, the image imprinted on his mind. Pulling away from Roy was going to be harder than he thought, but he needed to do it. For his sake. 

Chapter Text

“Hey. Good work today. You saved the mission.” Robin attempted to complement Speedy. Hoping to be friendlier with him whilst in uniform. 

“I also saved those kids, but clearly the mission is what matters to you.” Roy sassed back. 

Robin was disheartened by the reply. “Can you not do that?” He gritted his teeth. Dick had seen Roy be kind and genuine. Why did he have to be so much of a jerk as well? “You know what I meant. I just wanted to tell you I’m impressed, can you please not fight me for two seconds?”

Roy let out a sharp breath. “Oh you’re impressed?” His voice was heavy with sarcasm. “I’ve been doing the same things on all our missions for how long, and now you’re impressed? Well I’m impressed you never noticed.”

“I did.” Robin clarified. “I just thought you knew I had.” 

Speedy sighed. “Look, it’s been a long day. I’ve got a lot on my mind, maybe this isn’t the best time.” 

“Ok.” Robin turned to leave, but paused and turned back. “Anything I can help with?”

“No.” Speedy said sharply. 

“Well, I’m here if you need.” Robin said as he left. He wanted to slap some sense into Roy, but knew it wasn’t really a good idea to go in full throttle with him in a bad mood. He secluded himself in his room at the base and pulled out his phone. “Have a minute?” He typed. Maybe Speedy hated talking to Robin right now, but Roy would talk to Dick.

“Always.” The reply came. 

“I was wondering if you wanted to meet up today?” He fully expected a yes, but the reply he got made him pause. 

“Not today, sorry. I’m busy.”

Dick stared at the screen re-reading the message. Had he read that right? “Ok. I’ll see you soon hopefully.” He replied. He wanted to know if Roy was ok, but he couldn’t let on that he was aware Roy was out of sorts. Only Robin knew that, Dick would have no clue. Roy had seemed fine last night after their day together. There hadn’t been any signs of him being mad or frustrated, but maybe he was just having a bad day today like he said and it was nothing to do with Dick. Tucking away his phone he went back out to the common area where Roy sat scowling at the tv, his bow was still on the table in front of him and his quiver beside him on the couch. Usually his gear would be put away by now. Robin sat down on the opposite end of the couch from Speedy and placed his utility belt on the table, going through his pockets and pouches. 

“What are you doing?” Speedy asked, clearly annoyed. 

“Inventory.” He said simply. He wasn’t going to let Roy’s attitude scare him away. 

“Do you have to do it here?” Roy’s jaw clenched and his fist closed. 

“No, but I’d like to spend time with you.” Robin said truthfully. 

Speedy was silent, but his body relaxed slowly. Robin kept quiet as well, just going through his things and waiting. “You have candy in your utility belt?” Speedy finally spoke. 

Robin nodded. “Yeah, Batman carries some too.”

“Why?” Speedy questioned harshly. 

“When we rescue kids from bad situations, sometimes they need a little distraction from the chaos.” Robin shrugged. “And it makes them happy.”

Speedy was quiet again. “I guess you’re not completely heartless.” He joked softly. 

“I hope I’m not.” Robin said, continuing to open pouches and rifle through them. 

“I guess I forget that sometimes.” Speedy sighed. “You actually want to be my friend and care about me don’t you?”

Robin looked up from his task. “Yes. I thought we were friends before, but then something happened. Now we just argue and fight. I don’t like it.”

Speedy’s shoulders shrugged slightly. “I guess I just couldn’t bring myself to respect you again after we all revealed our identities and you didn’t. You left us out to dry basically. You also implied that you already knew who we were before we told you. It felt unnerving. It still does.”

Robin took a breath. “I can understand how you’d feel that way. And I know none of my reasons are good enough for the team, but if I break an oath to Batman, one I swore with my heart, I would be a hypocrite and a liar. If I break my oath to him, who's to say I wouldn’t betray my teammates as well.”

Speedy scoffed. “It’s not that deep. We won’t hold anything against you. We know it’s important to you to keep your promise, but if you break it we won’t judge you for that. I’m not going to think you’re less trustworthy if you tell us your name. I’ll know that you did something you thought was right, regardless of what other people think.”

Robin was quiet, considering Speedy’s words. Maybe he was right… maybe he could… Robin took a slow breath. “I…” His heart was beating fast. “I think you should know…”

A sudden wind rushed by as Kid Flash zoomed into the room. “Robin we got a call! People are in trouble!”

Robin glanced at Speedy who nodded. They both stood and headed out to assess the situation. 

…

Once the crisis was averted, the team returned to Titan’s Lair. It was extremely late at night when Robin collapsed on the couch exhausted, debating sleeping in his room there or heading to the manor. 

“You good?” Speedy questioned, approaching the couch. 

He raised his head. “Yeah, just tired.” He let out a long breath. “Today was crazy.” He looked over Roy’s figure. Damn his muscles looked good in his sleeveless costume. Dick pictured being pulled into his arms and…

“You staying here tonight?” Speedy asked, interrupting his imagination. 

“Uh…” Dick had been caught off guard. 

“Earth to Robin?” The smirk on Roy’s face was insufferable. “I asked if you’re staying here tonight?”

“Maybe, I hadn’t decided.” He confessed. At this point his fatigued brain wasn’t giving him much more than wishes for sleep and a nagging pull to be horny. He should make up his mind quickly before he was tempted to hit on Roy in costume. Would that be so bad though? He could have him both ways, as a civilian and as a vigilante. Roy had said before that they’d have the best hate fuck, and his interest had definitely been piqued. 

“Same, I want to go home, but…I don’t feel like actually going home.” Speedy yawned mid explanation. “Y’know?”

“Exactly.” Robin nodded. “I’m probably way too worn out to make it home anyway. I guess I should stay.”

“Good idea.” Speedy held out a hand. “Gotta get up if you want to get to your room.” He snarked. Robin grabbed his hand and was hauled to his feet. For half a second he pictured stumbling intentionally into Roy’s chest, bringing them closer to see what would happen. “Come on dude, you’re falling asleep on your feet.” Roy walked away down the hall. 

Robin followed, heading towards his room. Could he try to win over Speedy the same way he had Roy? Would making out with Speedy make them more amiable toward each other? His thoughts were sidelined as he watched Speedy pause down the hall near Garth’s door. He was leaned in as though listening. “What are you…?” Robin fell silent as Speedy put a finger to his lips, signaling for quiet and waving him closer. 

“Listen.” Speedy mouthed and pointed at the door. Robin leaned in and heard a familiar laugh. Clearly Donna was in Garth’s room giggling with him about something. Dick didn’t feel like they should be listening and tried to shoo Speedy away. Before he could move him, Speedy banged on the door loudly and yelled, “DON’T CHOKE ON HIS FISHSTICK PRINCESS!” before running down the hall toward his room. 

The door opened and Robin flinched back as Donna had her fist raised. Luckily she noticed it was him not Speedy, and that the other Titan was currently tearing into his room and locking the door. 

“I’ll kill him!” She took a step out into the hall and Robin raised his hands. 

“Woah! Donna, I’ll tell him to apologize tomorrow! Tonight we’re all a little tired and grumpy.” He hoped she would listen and not go after Roy. There was no way he’d survive her wrath at the moment. 

“Don’t bother.” She scowled, going back into Garth’s room and shutting the door. 

Dick sighed in exasperation. Knocking softly on Roy’s door he waited till Roy opened it. 

“How’d you know I wasn’t Donna coming to strangle you?” Robin asked amused. 

“She wouldn’t knock. She’d bust the door down.” He grinned. 

“Why do you constantly try to piss everyone off?” Dick asked as he leaned on the door frame while Roy was checking his equipment. 

“It’s fun.” He smirked, taking off his gloves and hat. 

“Well, tomorrow you’re going to apologize to Donna.” He ordered. “And Garth.” He added as Speedy took off his mask. 

“Why?” Roy flopped into a chair and started undoing his shoes. 

“Because what you said was inappropriate.” Robin scowled. “Don’t you get that other people have feelings and emotions too, not just you? When you say something that hurts their feelings then…”

“Yeah, so what?” Roy tore his boots and socks off before leaning back in the chair. 

“So you should understand why you should apologize. Stop acting like you’re so tough that emotions don’t touch you.” Dick was growing annoyed at his nonchalant attitude. “Stop acting ignorant of everybody else’s feelings as well.”

“Look, Rob. I don’t need you telling me what to do when we’re off the clock, yeah?” Roy sneered.

“We’re never off the clock.” Robin scowled. 

“And that’s why you’re a damn nuisance.” Roy stood, taking off his shirt. Dick couldn’t help his heart jumping in his chest and his eyes traveling Roy’s body as the pants were shed next. “You staying for the whole show?” Roy smirked, hooking his thumbs in the waistband of his underwear. 

“Just apologize tomorrow.” Dick said quickly as he left, headed to his own room, face flushed and heart pounding.  

He’d already had an off and on tired boner, now it had become a full on problem. He locked his door and started undressing angrily. Why was he so attracted to him physically? He turned on the shower and removed the rest of his clothing. He needed to calm himself down before he was tempted to go back to Roy’s room wearing nothing but his mask. Dick laughed at himself slightly as he imagined what Roy would say to him showing up naked full boner at his door. 

He scrubbed off completely and thoroughly, hoping by taking his time the desire would fade. It didn’t. He wanted to go back to Roy’s room, tell him he needed him. Let Roy laugh at him and humiliate him a little before hopefully giving in and fucking him like he’d talked about before. 

Dick’s tired brain was being irrational and his horniness was lowering his inhibitions. God, Roy was so close… he could be in his room in seconds. 

Turning off the shower he grabbed a towel and started drying off. His mask caught his eye. He could just put it on and walk over there right now. 

His phone lit up on his bed grabbing his attention. He sat down on the mattress and opened his messages. 

“You awake?” Roy had asked. 

“Yes.” He immediately replied. 

“Can I hear your voice?” Roy’s request made Dick breathless. 

“Call me?” He asked. 

“I was hoping we could video chat?” Roy urged. Dick paused. Roy would recognize the room he was in. He would see where he was and know immediately he’d been talking to Robin the whole time. Even if he laid down and was viewed from above, he was worried Roy would see things in the background and become aware of who he was. He could say his camera was busted. That might work. 

Before he could respond, a call came through. Roy was calling him. His heart quickened and he answered. “Hey.”

“Hey, sorry for being busy today.” Roy said softly. 

“It’s fine. I have to admit my day turned into a mess too.” Dick replied, laying back into his pillows. 

“Hope I’m not keeping you awake. Let me know if you want to sleep, but I just thought we could have some fun before I went to bed.” Roy said casually. “Is video too much for you?”

Dick wanted to say no, but Roy had just handed him the perfect opportunity to stay undiscovered. “A little, yeah.”

“No worries. I like your voice too, not just your eyes and body. You’re a whole package. One I’d like to open up if I’m honest.” Roy was smirking, teasing him, he could hear it. 

“How would you do that?” Dick teased right back. 

“Oh I have some ideas.” Roy remained vague. Dick wanted nothing more than to hear what Roy was thinking. 

“Can you tell me?” Dick asked, holding his breath. 

“I could. Only if you’re ok with that. I’m kinda being horny I’m not gonna lie.” Roy admitted. 

Dick swallowed heavily. “So am I.”

“Oh.” Roy chuckled low. “Yeah?” His tone was even more teasing now. “Can I touch myself while I tell you? You make it hard not to.”

Dick’s gut swam with butterflies. “Yes.” He breathed. 

“Ok.” Roy sighed and moaned a little. “Hmmm it feels good when I think about you.” Roy admitted. “Can you touch yourself for me?”

Dick held his breath to keep from gasping. His heart hammered and his hand parted his towel, rubbing his tip with his fingers. “Mmmnn.” He whimpered softly. 

“That’s it.” Roy coached. “I’ve been trying to decide if I should do this with you or not. I…I hope this isn’t breaking any boundaries.”

Dick was sobered for a moment. This could end up being too much, but his brain was tired and his libido spiked. “It feels less personal if we’re far away. I’m very ok with this right now.” 

Roy chuckled. “Oh, so you need things to be impersonal? You don’t even have to look at me when I fuck you, you know that right?”

Dick laughed. “I know, but I’d still know it was you.”

Roy hummed. “We could roleplay that I’m a stranger and then never mention anything about it again. Maybe I’ll wear a mask.” He joked. 

“Cute.” Dick scoffed. “Or you could talk to me now. Tell me what you think about at night. I bet it's me.” He chuckled lightly. 

“Hmmm night, morning, all day.” Roy hummed. Dick was surprised, but elated. Roy thought about him all the time? He was flattered and taken aback all at once. Maybe this should stop now. Dick was about to vocalize his concern when he heard Roy suck in air through his teeth. “You make this feel so good.” Dick closed his eyes as his head spun and he was punched in the gut by desire once more. He desperately grabbed some lotion and fully enclosed his hand around his hardened arousal, making himself moan softly as his breathing quickened.  Roy let out a quiet laugh. “You enjoying yourself over there?”

“Mmnff yes, just a bit.” Dick panted, trying to make his brain work on more than just pleasure. 

“I’m definitely enjoying you.” Roy sighed softly. “I’m nearly there just from hearing you. You should leave me voice memos to go with your gorgeous pictures you sent.” He let out another small laugh. “Maybe one day you’ll let me see you in person? No rush though. I love the suspense.”

Dick bit his lip as the sultry tone of Roy’s voice was tempting him. What he wouldn’t give to just go down the hall and reveal who he was. The only thing holding him back was the possible reaction Roy might have. This was safer. “Would you…would you cum for me if I asked?” Dick wanted to hear him. Wanted to know he could get him off with just a suggestion. He could feel himself ramping up and wanted release. 

“I’d do anything you told me to.” Roy moaned. 

Dick almost laughed, but held it in. If only he knew how wrong that statement was. “I want to hear you cum because of me. I want to know it was because you were thinking of me, and what you want to do with me.” 

“Oh god, the things I want to do to you.” Roy’s voice was slow and hoarse. 

“Tell me.” Dick encouraged, his hand slowing down so he would last longer. 

“You really want to know what I’ve been picturing?” Roy teased. 

“Tell me… please.” He breathed the last word. 

Roy muffled a sound. “Damn Grayson, you even beg pretty.” 

Dick smiled with a blush, wishing he had Roy’s lips to kiss. “Please Roy. Tell me what you’d do if you were here.” 

“If I were there?” Roy’s breathing sharpened. “Are you naked?”

Dick huffed out a laugh. “Yes actually. Does that matter?”

“Hmmm it definitely saves my imagination time. Now I can tell you what I picture after I imagine taking off your clothes.” Roy’s voice was still sultry and tempting. 

“And that would be?” Dick coaxed. 

“I’d love to take you slow. Just enjoy my time with you, fuck you easy and watch you cum in my hand. Or I think about you in my mouth. I’d love to suck you off and swallow you.”

Dick needed to mentally ground himself from going to Roy’s room then and there. He let out a breath and could feel how swollen and strained his cock was in his hand. “What else?”

“I imagine how tight you probably are. How I’d be your first guy back there. Am I right?” Roy chuckled. 

“Yeah.” Dick breathed in slow. “You’re going to be my first.” A jolt of excitement sizzled through Dick’s nerves as he realized what he’d just promised. He heard Roy groan and gasp.

“Fuck! You say things like that and I won’t last long.” Roy was breathing hard now. “Would you lay down for me and let me teach you? I bet you’re good at learning. You were probably a straight A honor student and everything back in school. You’d be so good, so sweet for me wouldn’t you?” Roy breathed and Dick wanted to say yes. He wanted to give in and let Roy do whatever he wanted. “I want to know what you taste like. I imagine that I kiss you all over and leave love bites. I’d die to lick those abs, and damn I can’t wait to have your dick in my mouth.” Roy was rambling at this point, sounding desperately close to release. 

Dick could feel himself nearing the same. “I want you to cum for me.” Dick said. “Cum while you think about fucking me.”

“Shit, baby, we just started.” Roy let out a soft groan. 

Dick’s heart fluttered at being called a pet name again. “Please. I need it now.” Dick whimpered, quickening his pace as he felt his body overloading. Roy seemed beyond words as he moaned and breathed heavily. “Please Roy!” Dick whined. 

“Fuck! Are you close?” Roy nearly gasped. 

“Yes!” Dick was on the edge, about to tip over. 

“Can you imagine you’re in my mouth?” Roy asked, voice strained with effort. “Can you get there like that? Or do you want to picture me inside you?” His breath was cascading faster. “Damn I want to fuck you so bad. God I’m so close.”

“Please!” Dick nearly gasped as he pushed himself closer to release

“Oh god Dick! I wanna fuck you so fucking bad you’d feel so good… ah…that’s it, I’m cumming for you!” His exclamation and sounds over the phone were the tipping point needed for Dick to explode. He felt himself cum to the sounds of Roy’s breath shaking and his moans. His body shivered with release and he could hear Roy whisper-mumbling under his breath. They were quietly recovering as Dick took deep breaths while he wiped up with his towel. “You ok?” Roy asked as his breathing slowed. 

“Amazing.” Dick sighed in contentment. 

“I hope I wasn’t too much for you.” Roy chuckled. 

“No, I honestly needed that.” Dick admitted. 

“Even though you wanted us to lighten up?” Roy questioned. 

“I…” Dick had said that hadn’t he?

“Hey, I get it if you want physical things to slow down, but please tell me we can do stuff like this?” Roy sounded like he was only half joking. Dick didn’t know what to say. Obviously he wanted more. He wanted more physically as well, but the secret hanging over his head of who he was as Robin still made him hesitate. 

“Maybe every once in a while. I just don’t want it to become our only reason for talking or hanging out. I want to be your friend, physical stuff aside.” Dick said truthfully. 

“I get that.” Roy yawned. “Today’s been rough. Remember that guy I told you about? My boss? He was actually trying to be nice today and spend time around me I guess? I still don’t trust it though. It was weird.”

Dick chewed on his bottom lip. “Maybe you could try to be nice back to him? He might need a friend if he’s under so much pressure like you said.”

“Sure, whatever.” Roy scoffed. “I was just not in a mood to talk to anyone today and he had to try and be nice on the one day I didn’t want him to.” 

“Are you ok?” Dick asked, still concerned. 

“Yeah. I was just… I was disappointed by Ollie again. But that’s nothing new.” Roy sounded truly let down. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Dick offered. 

“I’m over it now. I’d love to stay up and talk about something else, but I had a really long day, and as much as I want to talk more, you made me tired.” He chuckled. “Can we talk tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’m tired now too.” Dick said, not wanting to hang up. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Roy yawned again. “Sleep well. Talk to you tomorrow.” The line cut out as he ended the call.

Dick let out a sigh and rolled out of bed, throwing his towel into the bathroom and grabbing sleepwear. 

Getting to sleep would’ve been torture if he wasn’t so physically wiped out. He woke up groggy and heavy a few hours later. He managed to make it home and fall into bed only to have Bruce knock on the door. 

“Come in.” He grunted as he sat up. 

Bruce entered and sat on the edge of his bed. “Long day yesterday for you guys. Nice work.” 

“Thanks.” He yawned, still feeling exhausted. 

“We have a lead on the cult.” Bruce informed him. 

Dick perked up. “Good. What’ve you got?”

“They're making moves again. I’ve narrowed down a few dates of events they’re sure to strike at. I’ll have more data soon, but I need you to be ready to jump in for information.” Bruce clarified. 

“Yeah, I’ll be ready. I told my team I’d be unavailable for a while soon.” Dick stretched out his shoulders. 

Bruce nodded. “Good. I’m going to keep a tracker on you and have backup plans if you get into trouble.” 

“I’ll be fine Bruce. Either I join a cult or you get to pay for my return.” He smirked. “How much am I worth Bruce?”

Bruce smiled and ruffled his hair like he was a kid again. “Hopefully you join the cult.” 

Dick laughed. “What if they don’t like me? How much Bruce?” He pouted jokingly. 

Bruce shook his head. “Whatever they demand.” He stood. “Within reason.” He winked. 

Dick snorted. “Oh I see, you’ll evaluate once the ransom comes through?” 

Bruce shrugged playfully. “In all seriousness though, I need you to be careful. I’m still suspicious of their methods and how they’ve become so active. I will pull you out by any means necessary if needed.” 

“I know, Bruce.” Dick said as he yawned again and flopped into his pillows. 

“Good, rest for today. I’ll need you in peak condition soon.” Bruce closed the door as he left. Dick turned over and fell back into sleep. 

…

“Do you and Batman do this often?” Speedy asked as they lay on a rooftop watching a warehouse for signs of suspicious activity. A case had come in that Batman had assigned Robin and his team to. Unfortunately other missions popped up and left the team divided, leaving Robin and Speedy on their own for this one.

“We do stakeouts when we or GCPD needs more evidence.” Robin affirmed. 

Roy scoffed. “Because obviously they won’t do it themselves.” He stood and stretched out his muscles. 

“Speedy get down!” Robin urged. “Someone could see you!”

“And?” He yawned. “Then we go down there and get the evidence ourselves.” 

“No!” Robin said in a hushed voice. “Get down! I’ll explain more.”

Speedy sighed, dropping back onto his stomach next to Robin. “Fine. Explain.” 

“This is just part of the operation. If we take them out now we lose possible connection to the rest of them. We need to connect the dots and see who overlaps where.” Robin elaborated. 

“And we can’t get these guys to talk?” Roy pushed up again attempting to stand. 

Robin made a split decision and tackled him onto his back. “I told you to stay down. The men in that warehouse are the lowest rung of the ladder, they don’t have knowledge of the other locations or who they’re actually working for. Going down there and interrogating them is as useful as using a sieve to serve soup.”

Roy’s face went from angry to amused. “You say the weirdest things birdboy.” He smirked. “Thanks for the info, but do you have to stay on top of me like this?” He chuckled. Robin rolled off of him quickly and went back to his position, watching the warehouse through binoculars. Speedy rejoined him. “Speaking of being on top. I’m curious if you are one. Or are you a bottom?” He teased. 

“That has nothing to do with the case.” Robin had to keep himself from imagining the scenarios popping up in his head suddenly. 

Roy didn’t seem to listen. “I mean, psychologically those in power are often the most submissive when it comes to…”

“Stop! Just do your job ok?” He really didn’t want to talk about this. 

“I am doing my job.” Speedy wiggled his binoculars. “I’m just making conversation. You’re the one who said you wanted to be friends.” 

Robin sighed. Roy wasn’t wrong about wanting to be friends. “Can we talk about something else?”

“Why? God you’re such a prude.” Speedy chuckled. 

“It’s not that.” Robin didn’t want any distractions from the mission but he also didn’t want any discussion topics that could lead to them getting distracted. But then again, it wasn’t Speedy and Robin that were making out. So maybe it wasn’t a distraction.

“Ok if it’s not that, then let me ask again, are you a top or bottom?” Robin just stayed silent in hopes that Speedy might change the subject. “Oh I get it now. You don’t even know!” Speedy laughed quietly. “You poor little virgin.”

Dick was taking deep breaths to avoid wanting to talk back, but then decided he might as well just give in. “I’m not a virgin. I’m a switch.” He smirked at Speedy’s silence. 

“Huh, was not expecting that, but ok.” Speedy said eventually. “I guess I pictured you as a really bossy top.”

Dick wanted to laugh. How could Roy have two completely different views of him? Robin was a bossy top and Dick was a submissive bottom? At least according to the way Roy talked to him last night. Well… like he said he was a switch so it works. “What about you?” Robin turned the question back on him. 

“Oh definitely a top.” Speedy sounded like he was bragging. “But I will say, when you get a girl that can order you around…” He chuckled. “Mmm I’d do anything for them.” 

Robin stayed quiet, wondering if there was anything he could say to change the subject without seeming too abrupt or like he didn’t want to talk to Roy. He also tried not to think about the insinuation that Roy had called Robin a bossy top, and also said he’d supposedly bottom for someone bossy. Was this Speedy’s idea of flirting with Robin? Telling him he was into being told what to do? “I want to talk to you about something.” Dick didn’t know exactly where he was going with this. “About that thing you said to me a week or so ago.” It had been longer than that, but Dick didn’t care. 

“What did I say?” Speedy asked, confused.

“You said that I wanted to fuck you to put you in your place. I just want you to know that I…”

“Yeah yeah, I’m sorry for saying inappropriate things. I apologized to Donna too, and Nemo by way of Donna. You don’t need to lecture me anymore.” Speedy scoffed. That wasn’t where Robin had been trying to take the conversation, but he’d take it. “Ooh heads up, the other rungs of the ladder just rolled up.” Speedy said, looking down at some cars that had stopped near the warehouse entrance. 

With surveillance taken and identities of the suspects delivered to detectives, Speedy was headed back home. “Well, that was a shorter night than I expected.” Speedy said as he and Robin headed out. “Got any plans for tonight?” 

Robin shook his head. “Nothing except patrolling Gotham with Batman.”

“I swear that’s all you ever do. You need to find someone to keep you busy at night.” Speedy teased, elbowing him lightly. 

“Like you?” Robin smirked. 

Speedy stopped in his tracks. “You want me to keep you busy?”

Robin whirled to face him and panicked. “No! I meant that you must have someone who keeps you busy so I should be like you and get someone!”

“Ah.” Was it Robin’s imagination or did Speedy look disappointed? “Yeah I’ve got someone.” He continued forward. 

“Are they cute?” Robin asked in a teasing voice. 

“God, yes. Cuter than you anyway.” Speedy laughed before pausing. “I don’t know though, take off the mask and I'll let you know who’s cuter.” He grinned facetiously. 

“Ha, ha.” Robin shook his head. “Is it the same friend with benefits you mentioned who was at the kidnapping ring party?” Robin inquired, wondering if he was talking about him.  

“You remember that?” Speedy asked. “Wow, you do pay attention. Yeah it’s the same person.”

“Nice, that’s a lot of benefits if they keep you busy every night.” Robin teased. “Are you sure they’re just a friend?”

“Depends on your point of view.” Speedy scoffed. “Not like you’d know anything about friends eh Robin? Besides, it’s not every night or I’d never get anything done.” 

“How do you even become friends like that? It seems like a weird arrangement.” Robin asked as they neared Roy’s vehicle. 

“I just asked if they wanted to make out one night and they seemed ok with it.” Speedy leaned on the car. It was very much an arrow version of the Batmobile. “They wanted to be just friends so I suggested we keep things casual and continue.”

Robin tilted his head. “Wait. Are you saying the only reason you are friends with benefits is because they don’t want to be in a relationship? That you would if they did?” Dick had to mentally distance himself and try not to freak out as he watched Speedy think. 

“Not the only reason.” Speedy shrugged. “I… I’m not big on commitment and they seem like they’re kinda hesitant about anything that would be seen as a step toward anything complicated.” Roy unlocked the car. “Hop in, I’ll take you back to Gotham.”

Robin got into the passenger seat and glanced at Speedy. “Isn’t something like that already complicated?”

“Nah. We both agreed to be friends and not get attached so we don’t. It’s all just fun ok?” Speedy sounded a little defensive. 

“Ok. I was just curious.” Robin soothed. “I wasn’t judging.”

“I never said you were.” Speedy grumbled. There was an awkward silence and Dick was desperately trying to think of something to say that wouldn’t make Speedy mad. “Actually I could use your judgment for a second.”

Robin was relieved that Speedy still wanted to talk, or this would be a very long drive. “Sure. About what?”

“My friend.” Speedy said and Robin’s stomach flipped. “I’ve told them that I only want a friends with benefits situation and that I want everything to be just for fun with no strings attached. But…” Speedy paused and Dick’s heart hammered. Was Speedy going to confess feelings had developed? This was exactly what he’d been worried about from the start. This couldn’t be happening. 

“But what?” Robin coaxed. 

“But it feels like they have deeper feelings and I’m trying to ignore it.” Speedy said quietly. 

Robin was stunned. “You think they have feelings for you? Why?” What had Dick done to warrant that assumption?

“They’re so hesitant about some things, but then they keep wanting me. I feel like an asshole whenever something physical starts to happen and we have to back off because they said they don’t want full on sex yet.” Speedy clarified. “It feels like they are afraid of falling for me. But then again it feels like they don’t want me at all and I’m the one craving them.”

“How so?” Robin questioned, wincing in his seat. 

“I mean, it should be easy for me to just make out and not do anything else. Why do I keep wanting something more intimate that I know I can’t have yet if at all? It shouldn’t be this difficult to stop.” Speedy complained. 

“So you keep pushing the limits of your agreement together? And you feel like you can’t help overstepping the boundaries and it’s difficult for you to avoid anything more than kissing?” Robin asked, feeling the same way.

“Yeah. I… I’ve been with other hot people before and had make-out only arrangements, but with this one person I… they’re addictive. Something in me needs more and more every time I see them. I just want to be with them. Not even just sex, I need to hold them, talk to them, be near them. I want more of everything that they are. It’s a feeling that throws everything off. I want to be their friend platonically and be there for them, but then I have to touch them and things end up wrong. God why can’t they be like you and hate me?” He laughed. 

Robin huffed. Trying to stay unemotional. “I don’t hate you Speedy. I get mad at your attitude sometimes but I don’t hate you.” He had to ignore what Speedy had just told him. That was too much to process right now.

“Good to know.” Speedy shrugged. 

“I’m serious. I don’t hate you. But I don’t know what advice to give you for your situation. It sounds like you’re more attached to them than you let on. Do you think you have feelings for them?” He held his breath waiting on the answer. 

“Do I?” Speedy asked. 

“Shouldn’t you know that?” Robin worried. 

“I’ve never considered that an option. I don’t want to be in a relationship. I don’t like commitment.” He paused. “But I guess I like them.”

Dick had to keep himself from asking too many questions all at once. “What do you mean?”

Speedy scoffed. “I mean I like them enough to want to sleep with them. I don't know what else you want me to say.”

“Are you in love with them?” Robin asked pointedly, hoping his heart didn’t beat out of his chest. If Roy said yes then everything had to stop. It would be wrong to continue and take advantage of his feelings. 

“No.” Speedy answered. 

Dick felt his whole body relax and sighed. “Well, that’s good.” 

“Why is that good?” Speedy glanced at him strangely. 

“Because then you’re not in a sad unrequited situation. That’s good for you. Right?” Robin asked. 

The archer nodded, his jaw clenching. “Yeah. Good.” 

“So are you going to continue with your arrangement? It sounds like you’re going to have to stop at some point.” Dick tested the waters of pulling away and leaving physical interactions behind. 

“Fuck, I don’t know. I’m in a spot where I want to stop, but I also want to just keep going until things change. God you don’t know what it’s like to want to do anything for someone and also want to do nothing. I want to be just friends with them like I normally would, but it’s like a drug being near them.” Roy’s hands tightened on the wheel again.

“Maybe you should try taking a break from them.” Robin suggested as he started to worry things were going all wrong. 

“I tried. I said I was busy one day and didn’t go see them, but ended up calling them that night and jacking off to their voice.” He groaned. “It was torture when I hung up realizing I couldn’t go a day without talking to them, and without….whatever, why am I telling you this?” Speedy was angry again. 

“Because you can. I’m here for you. I’m your friend Speedy.” Robin was worried that he’d ruined everything. He was afraid Roy would somehow find him out after this discussion and probably murder him for his deception. “Try backing off a little more. Maybe just act like there was never anything physical between you two.”

Speedy scoffed. “I guess, but do you know how hard it is not to touch him!? It’s some kind of magic I swear.”

“Him?” Robin acted shocked. This was the first time Speedy had let slip he was talking about a man.

“No! I meant…” Speedy hurriedly tried to backtrack. 

“Hey!” Robin interrupted. “Don’t worry, I don’t care about what their gender is. I don’t think it’s weird.”

Speedy looked shocked. “What? I thought you…” He fell quiet. 

“That I what?” Robin encouraged. 

“That you would think I was some sort of freak for being attracted to a man.” Speedy admitted. 

Robin laughed. “Why?”

“I don’t know! You seem so… tight laced and judgmental about everything else so I thought… I don’t know what I thought, but I was afraid that you’d be grossed out by me.” Speedy admitted. 

“No.” Robin said. “But it does make sense why you overcompensate by flirting with and talking about women so much.” 

“Hey, I love women, don’t get that twisted.” Speedy chuckled. “I’m honestly surprised that I’m attracted to this guy so much. Usually I just hook up with guys and it’s fun, but that’s it. I flirt and get horny and we do stuff. I don’t feel the same wanting for them as I have towards some other people. This time I actually want this guy. It’s magnetic for me like some of the women I pursued before. Maybe it’s just the chase. I love hard to get and men are easy. Yeah, I bet that’s it.” He said as though he’d had a realization.

Dick swallowed, turning over Roy’s words in his mind. “So if he wasn’t hard to get, would that feeling go away?” 

Speedy breathed in deep. “Probably. Dude I don’t know, god I hope so.” 

Dick felt his heart leap, but then fall. He should be glad. He should be relieved that Roy didn’t want to be so attached to him or that he wanted to get rid of this lust between them. “So…” Robin started, still unsure. “You’re just going to keep going until you get what you want and hope that you’ll feel different after it happens?”

“Dude, you make it sound so dramatic.” Speedy laughed. “This is why I don’t talk to you ever. Everything is such a big deal to you.” He taunted. “Look, I like this guy, he’s a good friend, we make out and mess around and I want to fuck him. That’s all. Don’t make it sound like I’m in love or planning on breaking his heart or anything. I’m not hanging out with him just to fuck him and leave. I like him as a friend and I’m going to be there for him as a friend regardless of anything between us.” 

Dick was relieved. “Ok, so you want to be his friend, you want to sleep with him, and if that happens you’ll just stop wanting to sleep with him and just be a friend?” 

“Sure.” Speedy said shortly. “But why am I the only one sharing personal stuff? Tell me about your lovelife. Why do I get to be analyzed and you don’t?”

Dick held back a snort at the fact that he was part of the analysis they were doing and Roy had no idea. “Ok.” Robin said. “I don’t really have a relationship with anyone right now so I don’t know what you’ll analyze.”

“Hmm, see? Boring.” Speedy smirked, his hands shifting on the steering wheel. “Not even a casual booty call situation? No dating profiles either I bet.”

“None, I’m busy.” Robin scowled. 

“And that’s why you are the way you are.” Speedy chuckled. 

“Well…” Robin said after a moment. “I do have one sort of fling going on.”

“AH HA! I knew you couldn’t be completely lame. Go on then, tell me about it.” Speedy dug. 

Dick didn’t know if he should even be talking about anything. He had to be careful. Any tip off could be dangerous. “I mean it’s not much so far. Just talking and some stuff.”

“Some stuff? Man, I told you that I was jerkin it to a dude’s voice on the phone and you just say you’re doing stuff?” Speedy scoffed. “Give me details so I can judge you back.”

“I didn’t judge you.” Robin insisted. 

“You did, I could feel it.” Speedy teased. They were heading over the bridge into Gotham and Dick was hoping he could cut all this short. 

“I mean, we kissed and got a little heavy a few times, but nothing committal.” Robin said. 

“And your bat dad lets you do that?” Speedy laughed. 

“He doesn’t know. He thinks we’re just friends.” Robin admitted.

“Oooh, now we’re getting somewhere. You do keep secrets from him.” Roy seemed wildly entertained. 

“Yes, but it’s not easy.” He said bluntly. 

“Ok I get that. So you’re basically stuck in a secret relationship regardless of your actual commitment level? Everything is hidden for you isn’t it?” Speedy asked. “Why though? You’re an adult right? Shouldn’t he let you have a romantic partner? Does Batman have romantic partners? I thought I heard something about that one cat lady?”

“Catwoman.” Robin sighed. “Yeah, he should let me. To be honest he probably would, but not…” Not someone that could compromise his identity. 

“Not who?” Speedy glanced over. “Is it someone he wouldn’t approve of?” Robin nodded. “Well then fuck Batman. Tell him to suck it. You can do what you want as an adult. Hell, you could do me and he’d have nothing to say.” Speedy laughed and Robin blushed heavily at the thought of Bruce finding out about what he and Roy had going on. 

“I don’t…” He had to clear his throat. “Um.”

“What’s wrong Rob? You thinking about doing me?” Speedy antagonized. 

“What did I say before about not saying inappropriate things to people?” Robin barked, trying to avoid saying yes. 

“Geeze, sorry Mr. H.R. I just wanted to cheer you up.” Speedy reached over and smacked his shoulder. “I’m so down to piss Batman off if you want to tell him we fucked. I’ll one hundred percent back you up and tell him we did.” He laughed. 

Robin chuckled. “Only if you want him to take me off the Titans.”

“Hmmm, Maybe.” Roy joked. “Sounds like fun to me.” He grinned. “Come on, he wouldn’t really would he? Just cuz you were an adult and did an adult thing?” 

Dick paused, maybe Bruce wouldn’t be as harsh as he assumed. What if he was just leaping to conclusions in his own mind and Bruce wouldn’t care at all? “I don’t know honestly. I… I’m just so used to having such strict rules for our own safety that…” He thought of Bruce’s many lovers and even of Selina, a known and active criminal. Being a lover to a teammate wouldn’t be so bad comparatively. 

“That what? You think the worst will happen if you tell him anything? That’s called a trauma response Robin.” Speedy said in a singsong voice. 

Dick frowned. “It’s not like that.” He said defensively.

“Bet it is.” Speedy huffed. “I don’t like Batman very much, and you are one reason why. You don’t need to be so threatened by him.” 

“I’m not, really. He has good reasons for everything, I can’t share them obviously, but I promise they exist.” Robin wanted to ease Speedy’s opinion of Bruce, but he knew he and Green Arrow were of the same type of stubborn. 

“Sure they do. It’s not for control at all.” Speedy said sarcastically. 

“You can let me out anywhere.” Robin grumbled as they neared downtown. “I’ll find Batman on my own.”

Speedy pulled the car sharply into an alleyway. “Ok, get out.” 

Robin didn’t move. He was disappointed that he’d let this turn sour. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get angry, I just…”

“I said get out.” Speedy didn’t even look at him.

“Speedy, please let me…” Robin started, but Roy threw the car in park and stormed out, marching around to his side and opening the door. Robin was going to attempt once more to talk to him, but Speedy grabbed him and hauled him out of the car, slamming him against the wall of the alleyway. “Just shut up! Stop making excuses!”

Dick didn’t know what to do, he didn’t even know what to think. “Speedy.” 

Roy shook his head. “Don’t you see that you could have a separate life from his shadow? You don’t need to be him.” He growled.

Robin knew all too well. He’d debated over and over just leaving the mantle and creating his own persona. Free from Batman, free from anyone, but himself. “I know that. Believe me I’ve thought it all out. But it’s none of your business, so just go home.”

Speedy didn’t budge. He just pressed Robin harder into the bricks. With the heightened emotions between them Dick wasn’t sure if he wanted to push Speedy away or kiss him. He was amused by the thought of watching him stumble back in surprise after a kiss was planted on his lips. Dick found himself smirking by accident.

“Why are you smiling?” Speedy spat angrily. 

Robin couldn’t help himself. “Are you going to keep pinning me to the wall? I know I’m a switch, but why do you have to be the top?”

Speedy looked surprised, before backing off and laughing. “Oh now who’s the one making inappropriate comments?” They shared a brief moment of humor before Speedy held out his hand. “Sorry I overstepped. It’s none of my business.”

Robin smiled. “Thank you.” He took Roy’s hand and shook it warmly. 

“Are you sure you want to be here? I can give you a ride to wherever Batman is.” Speedy offered. 

“No, I’m sure I’ll find him quickly enough.” Robin said. Roy nodded and got back into the car. Dick watched him pull away before grappling up to a rooftop and pinging Batman. At least he’d ended their interaction with a bit of levity. He might become better friends with Speedy as Robin after all. 

Chapter Text

“Hey Bruce.” Dick approached him with a question that had been burning in his mind. “I need to ask you something.” He hoped this would go well and not like he had imagined previously. 

Bruce looked up from his task. “What do you need?”

“I want to know if you’d be upset if I were to start dating someone.” Dick studied his reaction closely. His chest tightening in trepidation.

Bruce looked genuinely surprised. “Why would I be upset?” 

“What if I wasn’t exactly dating, but just wanted to hook up with people?” Dick asked nervously. 

Bruce shifted, giving his full attention to him. “Dick, why are you asking if I’d be upset?” Bruce sounded confused. 

“I just… I always thought you would say I was endangering our identities if I had any serious relationships.” Dick confessed.  

Bruce's eyebrows lowered. “I know you’re careful. I trust you to use your best judgment when it comes to your personal life.” He looked serious. “I just don’t want you to be too distracted by getting involved with someone or if you get heartbroken. Those are risks within themselves.” 

Dick nodded slowly. “Thanks.” He turned to leave.

“Did you…did you need any advice on relationships?” Bruce offered awkwardly. 

Dick shook his head. “It was just a hypothetical B. Don’t worry about it.” He grinned and left before Bruce could interrogate him at all. Well that was one barrier down to being intimate. The only thing stopping him now was betraying Roy’s trust. 

“Are you free tonight? I’ve got movie tickets if you’re game.” Roy texted later that day. 

Dick was hesitant but answered back, “I’d love to.”

With their previous discussion floating around in his head, and confirmation that Bruce really wouldn’t mind him having casual relations with people, he debated whether sleeping with Roy would be the best course of action. If what he had said was true and Dick stopped playing hard to get, maybe all this built up tension between them would finally be resolved. Then he could go back to how it was supposed to be. Just platonic friends. But then, what about him secretly being Robin? Maybe he could let Speedy be closer to him in uniform and build that relationship between them. Then if he let Speedy have a go with him as Robin that would … No. That wouldn’t fix anything. What if Roy found out that he’d been Robin the whole time and felt double betrayed? He didn’t want to hurt him. He had to distance himself physically. Tonight he definitely would.

… 

Dick moaned as he pressed his ass against Roy’s crotch. Despite all the seats in the back of the limo, Roy had pulled him into his lap. He leaned back against Roy’s chest and turned his head to kiss him. Roy hummed against his mouth and gripped his hips. He could feel Roy’s hardened state as he ground back against him. “Damn you’re good at this. Are you sure you’ve never done this with a guy before?” Roy breathed. 

“I’ve never done anything with a guy before you.” Dick confirmed, rotating his hips again. 

Roy smiled. “You’re such a natural.” One of Roy’s hands came up to press on Dick’s chest bringing him closer before slowly moving downward. Dick shuddered in anticipation as it neared his belt. He had to breakaway from kissing Roy to gasp as his hand had found its target, stroking him through his jeans. If there were less fabric between them, Dick might’ve just gotten off. 

“Roy!” He whined, thrusting back on him. 

Roy’s hand went back to his hip and gently pushed him out of his lap onto the seat next to him. “Why are you so damn tempting?” Roy adjusted himself before throwing an arm around Dick’s shoulders and kissing him again. Dick tried to angle himself more towards Roy, but Roy’s other hand kept his hip pressed away. “I know you want more, believe me when I say I do too, but I’m about to cross your boundaries if we don’t slow the fuck down.” Roy said, pulling away slightly. Dick wanted to say forget the boundary, but catching sight of Roy’s smirk made him pull back. Speedy. That was enough for him to back off for the time being. That cocky smile his teammate often had could get him to focus on something other than getting physical with Roy. He could focus on his upcoming mission in his mind and stay distracted.  “You ok?” Roy asked, still holding his arm around Dick. 

“Hmm? Yeah. I’m good, just trying to think of something other than this.” He motioned between them. Feeling like an utter failure. 

Roy chuckled and leaned his head against Dick’s. “Dude, I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but you’re hard not to think about.” He laughed. 

Dick leaned into him for a moment feeling the warmth between them as icy fingers of guilt crawled through his chest. He should tell Roy that he was Robin and put an end to all this. No doubt Roy would probably never want to touch him again if he knew. That would fix all of this. He pulled back from under Roy’s arm, sliding away on the seat to distance himself. “Maybe we should act like normal friends from now on.”

He watched Roy’s eyes pass over his body before looking away. “You’re right.” Roy lowered the privacy screen between them and the driver. “Are we almost there?”

“Four minutes sir.” The driver responded. 

The privacy screen did not go back up. “Were you going to the hospital charity ball this weekend?” Roy asked. 

Dick nodded. “I’ll be there with Bruce, why?”

Roy shook his head. “No reason. I don’t think I’ll go.” 

Dick felt bad that he was essentially pushing Roy away just because they couldn’t seem to keep their hands off each other. “You don’t have to avoid being around me.” Dick said softly. 

Roy’s head turned and his face showed confusion. “I’m not avoiding you. If I were avoiding you I wouldn’t be planning to ask you to hang out at my place before the ball.” 

Dick’s eyebrows rose. “Oh. Well I guess I…”

“Wait.” Roy interrupted. “Do you want me to avoid you?”

Dick sat up straighter. “No! No, I like being around you, I just thought you wouldn’t want to be around me.”

Roy scoffed and folded his arms over his chest. “Why?”

Dick shrugged. “I thought you were upset about not doing anything physical together.”

Roy leaned closer, his voice low. “The only thing I’m upset about is the fact that I want to fuck you so bad it hurts. But that’s a me problem right now.” His face was his usual cocky smile and didn’t show any signs of lying. “You have nothing to worry about though. I can handle myself and still hang out with you.”

Dick should feel relieved, but he only felt disappointed in himself. He was the only one making this a big deal apparently. He had come to realize that the feeling Speedy had described on their car ride the other night of magnetism between them was definitely going both ways. Dick knew for the sake of his friendship he’d need to cut out the physical contact, but it wasn’t as easy as he’d like. This wasn’t anything like what he’d intended going into this, but he also realized that Roy didn’t have the heavy burden of a secret identity hanging over his head. The stakes weren’t as high for him. As far as he was concerned Dick Grayson would never have to know who Speedy was.  

Dick didn’t remember much of the movie later that night. He was too busy trying to figure out why he wanted Roy to touch him so much. Sitting side by side in a dark movie theater, all that happened was their knees grazing briefly. Even after the movie when they decided to play in the arcade next door, their flirty touches were limited and nothing with extended contact happened in the limo going home either. This was supposed to be a good thing, so why did Dick feel odd about it?

…

The next day Robin was surprised by Speedy sitting down next to him on the couch at their Titan’s base. “So how’s your fling going?” He asked suggestively. 

“Um… fine?” Robin was still caught off guard by Speedy's unprompted interaction. 

“Oof, that means it’s not going great right?” Roy cringed. “Sorry dude.”

Robin shook his head. “No I really meant it’s fine, nothing is really different.”

“Yeah but you used the f word. You said fine. That’s not a word you use when things are going well.” Speedy smirked. 

Dick bit his lip trying to think of how to describe their relationship without actually describing their relationship. “We’re on a break.” 

“Ouch bro, sorry I asked.” Speedy patted his shoulder. 

“What about you?” Robin asked curious where he stood with Roy in his mind. 

“Oh I’ve got plenty of stuff going on to keep me busy, don’t you worry.” He was vague with his details. 

“What about your friend with benefits?” Dick asked. “You do stuff with him yet?”

The archer shrugged. “We’re cutting out the benefits part of the friendship.” Speedy replied. 

Robin's mouth formed a line. “Sorry, that must be rough.” 

“Not really. I just have a friend now, that’s fine with me.” Speedy seemed so nonchalant. 

Did it really not matter at all to Roy? Dick wondered. But then again he just said “fine” so could it be that he... Dick had to pause. Why did it matter so much to him if Roy was completely ok with cutting off their make outs? “I thought you said you couldn’t go a day without interacting with them like that? That you felt like you needed him?”

“I mean yeah, it’ll suck to lose that, but if he doesn’t want anything I’m not gonna go begging on my knees to suck his dick.” Speedy responded. Robin had to look away as his face turned red. That was definitely not something he needed to be imagining right now. “So are you technically single now you’re on a break?” Speedy asked with his same damn smirk that Robin couldn’t help but like in this moment. 

“Yes.” He said simply. 

“You uh, looking for someone else to mess around with?” Speedy asked casually. 

Robin was so tempted to play along and see where this would go. Would Speedy make a move on him if he said yes? Could he afford to let that happen? He shook his head as he figured it’d be way too much trouble. “I don’t have any plans at the moment.”

Speedy was quiet. “Do you think Donna and Garth are going to last? I’d love to be the next one in line for that gorgeous body.”

Dick wanted to groan, and lecture him again, but fired back sarcastically instead. “I didn’t think you liked Garth like that.”

“Funny.” Speedy snorted in disdain. “I don’t. Have you seen Donna?”

Robin smiled. “Yes, and she’s seen you too, so good luck.” 

Speedy scoffed and playfully leaned over, punching his arm. “Nobody asked you, dork.” He joked. 

This felt like how he and Speedy used to be. Back before the team shared their identities with each other and Robin didn’t. Back when he thought they were friends. This could be a good thing. Then again it could cause more hurt later. 

…

They had agreed to meet up before the charity ball and spend time together. Usually this would be a welcome distraction, but Dick felt like he was walking on eggshells. Every opportunity for them to touch or fall back into each other’s arms was pushed aside and felt like a trap. He’d wanted to stay in open areas of the house and not go up to Roy’s room, but they ended up there anyway. So far nothing had happened, but Dick kept looking over at his bed and imagining what they could be doing. Dick had tried to keep a few feet away from him at all times and he probably looked silly doing it. He had flinched back so noticeably once that Roy frowned. “What’s wrong with you today?”

“Nothing!” Dick tried to dismiss. 

“We both know that’s not true. You’ve been skittish today, why?” Roy confronted. 

Dick sighed deeply. “Sorry, I guess I’ve been trying not to be… tempting.” He didn’t know how else to say it. 

Roy scoffed. “Seriously? Acting like a scared little bunny isn’t going to keep you off my mind. If anything I pay more attention to you when you act weird and I’m trying to figure out what I did.”

Dick lowered his head and studied his hands. “You didn’t do anything. It’s me. This is my fault for overthinking.” 

“Overthinking what?” Roy asked inquisitively. 

Dick paused, picking at one of his callouses. “Overthinking being near you. I guess I just assumed we’d fall back into making out every time we were alone.”

“And you don’t want to?” Roy asked. 

Dick chewed his lip. “I would be lying if I said that I don’t want to, but it’s more like I shouldn’t.”

“Why? I never asked before, but now I’m curious.” Roy leaned forward. “You always made it clear you weren’t ok going farther than kissing when in person, but I guess over the phone is allowed? So is there a reason you don’t want anything in person?” Roy watched him carefully. Dick could feel his gaze. “Is there something you need to tell me?” 

Dick’s head snapped up, his eyes locking on Roy’s. Did he know? Was this all a ploy to get him to confess he was Robin? “Like what?” He baited. 

“I don’t know.” Roy growled. “Is your dick weird and you don’t want me to see it? Do you have a girlfriend and you think the only way it’s cheating is if we actually have sex? Newsflash by the way, you’re wrong and you’ve been cheating this whole time if that’s the case. Are you secretly in love with me and don’t want to break your own heart by getting in too deep? What is going on with you?” Roy stared him down, he clearly wouldn’t budge until Dick came up with a proper excuse. 

Dick closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. I’m Robin. The words were right there and so easy. He could just say it. Because I’m Robin and I don’t want to deceive you. That’s all he had to say, so why wouldn’t it come out? “I…I’m…” His heart was thumping in his chest. 

“What’s wrong?” Roy asked again.

“I can’t tell you.” Dick looked away, his face must’ve showed his internal turmoil. 

“Dude, lighten up. Just tell me I’m not a homewrecker and I’ll be ok with not knowing.” Roy chuckled, obviously trying to raise his mood. 

“I’m single, I promise.” Dick swallowed. “I just…I have a reason and I’m not ready to say anything yet.”

“Cool.” Roy shrugged. “Can you stop acting like I’m going to jump all over you at any minute though?”

Dick nodded. “Yeah. Sorry.” 

The rest of their time passed normally and they slowly grew more comfortable together. Near sunset Dick checked his watch and stretched. “I think I should head out. Gotta get ready for the ball tonight.”

“Oh yeah. Good thing I’m not going. I’m gonna be playing video games still, and not being bored.” He chuckled pompously. 

Dick stood. “Thanks.”

“You could always stay.” Roy suggested. 

Dick wanted to. He was just getting into the swing of being platonic friends with Roy and wanted to keep that going, but he also had a duty to fulfill. Bruce had indicated he would most likely be targeted at this event. If he could get taken by the cult he’d be closer to stopping them. “I would, but Bruce promised to spend time with me tonight. We don’t get to see each other much lately.”

“Oh.” Roy looked up. “That’s nice that he still takes an interest.” He sounded disappointed. 

Dick wanted to ask about him and Oliver, but didn’t want to get nosy. “I’ll see you soon?”

“Yep.” Roy said and stood to walk him out to his car. “Don’t have too much fun without me.” He joked while Dick got into his vehicle. 

“I’ll try not to.” Dick laughed and shut his door. Driving away he got himself back into working mode and prepared for that night. Roy couldn’t be on his mind if he was to do his job right. 

…

Things had gone surprisingly smoothly and according to plan for Dick to get taken by the cult. He’d been drugged and moved to a second location from the party that night. He was actually kind of glad he and Roy were distancing themselves so he hadn’t been in attendance at the ball. He probably would’ve gotten in the way if he’d been there and making out with him. Thanks to the serum Batman had given him before the party, the drugs used to kidnap him probably didn’t hit as hard as they should have. He had felt warm and floaty with a sort of calm that made him want to follow whoever was leading him along. He was taken in a car with a blindfold over his eyes and was sat tied to a chair once at the other place. He noticed they were most likely somewhere underground. It was cold and dark, maybe a basement? He had tried to listen and smell for clues. 

“Tell me boy, do you want freedom?” A voice had asked, interrupting his process. 

Dick’s mind had still been fuzzy, but he tried to act interested in getting away. “Yes, who are you? Where am I?”

“I am the one that can guide us all to freedom. For chaos is freedom for all.” The voice was scratchy, almost growling in an animalistic way.  

“Chaos?” Dick asked, his head swimming.  

“Yes, do you want to join our cause in restoring true freedom to this world?” The voice inquired. 

“Sure. How?” His head lolled back and he tried to peek out under the blindfold. The figure was cloaked from what little he could make out. 

“We will combine all our hearts and summon the true power from beyond this world.” It stated.  

“Summon?” Dick didn’t know how dumb he should act or how many questions he could ask before it got suspicious of him. 

“Yes. With a sacrifice worthy of chaos we will bring forth the one that will restore freedom to the world.” The speaker was clearly very passionate, as were the others in the room making noises of agreement.  

“Sacrifice?” Dick plied. 

“Yes brother. Join us and we will sacrifice three pure souls to bring forth our savior from the sea. Then freedom and chaos will reign. If you join us you are assured power and glory in the chaos. Will you join us?” Now seemed a good time to volunteer. 

Dick mumbled, trying to clear his mind. “How do I join?” He was slowly clearing up. His mind was fighting off the fog. Judging from how stiff he felt he must’ve been there for just near an hour. 

“Will you swear your allegiance to our cause?” The gravelly voice asked. 

Dick had answered in the affirmative and a bag had been placed over his head on top of the blindfold. Little bit of overkill, but ok. Then a commotion happened around him. Once the bag and blindfold were removed, he saw he was in an abandoned structure. A few lanterns provided dim light and an archaic atmosphere. He’d been left with two attendants who were both very watchful and wouldn’t let Dick out of their sight. He was there for what seemed like a few days. They let him get up and walk around, eat, drink, use the bathroom, sleep on a mattress on the floor, but always had at least two attendants near, and always re-tied him to the chair at night. They weren’t very talkative and no matter what questions he asked, they answered “You will know soon.”, or “Once you’ve been initiated you’ll know all.”. He clocked that it was nightfall again on perhaps the third day as he was tied to the chair again. 

They’d replaced the bag over his head as a shuffling commotion happened once more as more members flooded in. The voice from before was heard again. “Tell me brother, are you ready to join us?”

“Yes, tell me more.” Dick said willingly. 

“You may be shocked at what you see here tonight, but I assure you it is only proof that I am telling you the truth, and we will be summoning a force so powerful you cannot even imagine.” The voice was even deeper and more confident. The bag was removed from his head and he let his eyes adjust in the darkness. A large hooded figure was standing before him, two eyes glowing from the dark shadows on its face, and… teeth? Were those fangs? “We require a blood sacrifice from all our members to show you are worthy and committed.” Another hooded figure stepped forward with a knife, handing it to the supposed leader. A hand reached out of the cloak and Dick’s eyes widened. It had claws and the skin was reddish and leathery. Something was definitely out of the ordinary with this cult. 

“Wait! Blood sacrifice? I’m not your sacrifice for chaos right?” He needed to know what they were doing.

“Your blood is your entry to the world of chaos. Our sacrifices must be pure and innocent.” The figure stepped closer to him. “You are neither.”

“When are we sacrificing?” Dick asked. 

The creature's eyes narrowed. “Do you not swear loyalty? Do you not trust me?”

“I’d just like to know the plan before I commit my blood.” He said truthfully. 

“Then you are not one of us.” The voice growled. The other hooded members in the room hissed in disdain. “You would not question and try to thwart our plans if you were.” It growled. 

“No! I’m one of you, I just…” He tried to redirect. 

“YOU DO NOT BELONG! YOU QUESTION ME! YOU WILL DIE!” The knife was raised and Dick needed to take action. He tensed and readied himself to dodge and escape. Before he could move there was a clang and the knife clattered away, skidding across the floor. Dick’s eyes followed it and saw a familiar arrow in the ground. 

The hooded figure before him was kicked out of the way, tumbling to the dirt. Speedy stood in its place, bow raised, pointing his arrow back and forth at the remaining cultists who shrank away, some fleeing. “Are you alright?” He asked, glancing down at Dick. 

“I’m fine.” Dick looked to the side where the creature had been knocked aside. Only a cloak remained in its place. “It’s gone!” Roy spun to look at the heap of empty cloth. The other cultists ran from the room as he turned away. “They’re getting away!” Dick urged. 

“Oh it’s alright, Green Arrow is waiting outside for them. He dropped quickly to his knees, untying Dick from the chair. “Good thing I got here in time. It’d be a shame if he hurt you.” 

“Thank you.” Dick forced a smile. Things hadn’t gone as planned after all. 

“How did you find me here?” Dick asked genuinely curious. 

“We tailed one of the sketchy guys that was in here earlier. Apparently Batman had been keeping tabs on them for months, we just needed intel on one.” Speedy held out his hand as he stood again. 

Dick was disappointed as he took it. “Batman? He’s real? Did Batman tell you to come here?” Apparently Bruce didn’t trust him to be on a mission alone after all. 

“Not exactly. He just gave us intel about the creepy dudes, we followed them here though.” Speedy said, pulling Dick to his feet. Dick’s legs had gone numb from the ropes being tight and he wavered while standing. “Careful!” Speedy’s arms went around him, holding him up. 

“I thought Batman was an urban legend.” Dick said, trying to take his focus off of Roy being so close. 

“If only.” Speedy mumbled.

“Is he coming here?” Dick asked, trying to prep himself to act accordingly. 

“I don’t think so. He said he was busy out of town.” Speedy suddenly smirked. “Am I not enough for you? You need a different hero?” He teased, arms tightening around Dick’s frame. 

“I just don’t know who you are, and I’ve never thought the Batman was real.” He shrugged, trying to sound genuine. 

“I’m Speedy, Green Arrow’s sidekick.” Speedy loosened his hold. “Can you stand now?”

Dick tested his feet. “I think I can.”

Roy released him. “Good. Let’s get you home.” Dick nodded and took a step before faltering and letting out a sharp gasp. “Easy now!” Roy caught him again. “Maybe you should sit down for a minute.” Speedy tried to move him back to the chair. 

“I’m fine.” Dick said, wrapping his arms around Roy’s neck. “Just give me a second.”

“I can do that.” Speedy smiled, hands grabbing Dick’s waist firmly. “Do you know why they wanted to kill you?”

“Apparently I wasn’t sincere enough about wanting chaos summoned to the earth.” He replied with a disheartened sigh. 

“That’s a good thing though right?” Speedy smiled slightly. “You seem like the good boy type that likes calm.”

Dick looked at him confused. “Do you know who I am?”

“Yeah, you’re Dick Grayson, ward of Bruce Wayne. Wayne has been crying all over the news trying to get his sweet baby boy back.” Speedy said, grinning at Dick’s blush. 

“Oh.” Dick didn’t know Bruce would be so dramatic, but it definitely tracked with his public persona. “And he asked for you to save me?” Dick inquired. 

Roy shook his head. “Not specifically, but we help people in need. It’s what we do.” 

Dick realized they were so close like this and had a tempting thought. “And, do we owe you anything for this rescue?”

“Oh no, we’d never ask for money for saving you.” Roy said firmly. 

“Then…” Dick bit his lip. “Is there some other way I can say thank you?” His eyes flicked to Roy’s mouth. Would Roy give in to him as a “stranger” and show him affection? Would Roy take this opportunity and do what he wanted?

Speedy’s hands tightened on Dick’s waist. “You certainly don’t make it easy to say no.”

“Well, what would a hero like you want from a good boy like me?” Dick teased more as he pulled closer, their lips nearly touching.

He was surprised when Speedy pushed him away slightly. “Really, you don’t owe me anything. Can you walk yet?”

“I guess.” He pulled away more and stepped back, standing on his own. “My feet almost feel back to normal.” Dick felt guilty that even Speedy with all his lascivious ways wouldn’t make a move while in costume. He felt worse now about his decision to make out with Roy, knowing who he was and hiding his identity from the start.  

“Good, let’s get you back to where you belong.” Speedy led him out of the basement of the building they were in and brought him to an open clearing where Green Arrow had several assailants tied up on the ground. 

“The monster got away?” Dick asked, surveying the people they’d apprehended. 

Green Arrow turned swiftly. “Monster?”

“Yeah, guy with claws and fangs that tried to stab me.” Dick looked around at the people on the ground, none of whom matched the description.

“I didn’t see anything like that.” Arrow said. “You could’ve been hallucinating. We don’t completely know how the drugs they gave you would affect you.”

Dick nodded. “Oh, that’s probably it.” He smiled halfheartedly. 

“Arrow, I saw something weird too, if there’s a possibility that there was someone else, we should take a look around.” Speedy suggested.  

“Good idea.” Green Arrow commented. “You stay here with him and wait for the police.” He took off around the back of the building.

Speedy turned to Dick. “Do you need to sit down?” 

Dick shook his head. “I’m sorry about earlier. About suggesting you’d want something in return for rescuing me. I… I got swept up in the “my hero” moment from all the movies I guess. It’s not everyday that you get saved by a hot vigilante.”

Speedy scoffed. “Don’t you get rescued by Robin in Gotham?” 

“You think Robin is hot?” Dick had to keep himself from smiling too much.

“What? Oh, uh no! I was just…” Speedy stammered. “Wait…You don’t believe in Batman, but his sidekick saves you from danger?” 

“Oh, yeah.” Dick had to remember that Roy still thought he was two different people and that Robin showing up when Dick Grayson was set free from trouble was a coincidence. “But Robin’s obviously real. The bat guy just feels too much like a cryptid. A cover for Robin being the only guy running around Gotham. I don’t really talk to Robin though. I don’t stick around once he sets me loose.” 

“You’re not missing much, believe me.” Speedy scoffed. 

“You know him well?” Dick asked, trying to stay friendly. 

“Yeah, he’s a part of the Titans. He’s boring though. Not much to talk to.” Roy shrugged. 

Dick was annoyed, but pushed it aside. He hummed thoughtfully. “You seem nice though.”

Speedy turned to him. “Thanks. Did the crazy people say anything to indicate they’d be after you again? I want to be sure you’ll be safe if we send you home alone.”

“I don’t think so.” Dick said, knowing if they did try to get him at home they’d be in for a surprise. “By the way, why are you in Gotham? Don’t you guys have your own city to look after?”

“We do, but we were first to get the call. Apparently Batman and Robin are busy somewhere else tonight.” Speedy explained. “You ok?”

Dick realized he’d been massaging his wrists where the ropes had been. “Yeah, I’ll just be sore for a while. Nothing new when you do gymnastics like me, but still annoying.”

“You like doing gymnastics?” Speedy asked, clearly just keeping their conversation going. 

“Yeah, I grew up with my parents being trapeze performers in the circus. It’s part of me.” Dick said. 

“You know, Robin’s a former circus star too.” Speedy informed. 

“Oh? What did he do?” Dick smiled awkwardly, hoping this wasn’t the clue Roy needed to figure him out. 

“I dunno. Probably a knife thrower. His aim with those batarangs is incredible.” Speedy shrugged. 

“That makes sense.” Dick let out a breath in relief. 

“That’ll be your ride.” Speedy said as sirens approached up the road toward the abandoned building. 

A herd of cop cars appeared over the ridge, fanning out around the lot. The back door of one was opened and Bruce rushed out toward Dick. “My boy!” He gathered him into a hug, dramatically kissing his forehead. “Did they hurt you?” He looked him over, cradling his reddened wrists. 

“No.” Dick knew why Bruce acted like this in public, but there wasn’t any… a camera flashed nearby. Nope, there they were. The paparazzi were relentless when drama was a foot. Bruce was their usual target and Dick had been spared somewhat because he was “boring”, not really attracting attention or too many headlines. Mostly thanks to Bruce for being the one to distract them. 

“Thank you for saving him!” Bruce turned to Roy. 

“It’s what we do Mr. Wayne.” Speedy nodded. 

Green Arrow returned to them. “Sorry I couldn’t find anyone else hiding around here.” He said to Dick. 

“It’s ok. I was probably just hallucinating.” He smiled convincingly. 

“Hallucinating!!” Bruce put a hand to his forehead like he was searching for a fever. “We need to get you to the hospital!”

“I’ll be fine.” Dick pretended to soothe him. Knowing full well Bruce wasn’t actually panicking. 

“Thank you Mr. Arrow for saving my boy!” Dick had to choke on his laughter as Bruce launched at Green Arrow, hugging him tightly.  

“You’re welcome Mr. Wayne, but you should get the boy over to the EMTs there, just in case.” The green clad hero said as he desperately pushed away from the clingy billionaire. 

Bruce gasped. “You’re right! Come on Dick.” 

He was hauled over to the ambulance and underwent their treatment and testing. Bruce was either chasing off reporters, hovering nervously, or flirting with the paramedics. Finally after too many questions and being poked and prodded he was released. While Bruce was off charming a rather confused looking police lieutenant, Dick approached Speedy. “Well, they said we can go. Thank you again. I wish there was some way I could thank you more than just saying it.” 

“It was nothing really. Don’t worry yourself.” Speedy smiled. “Just get home safe.”

“Should I get your number to let you know when I’m there?” Dick winked, trying one last time to see if Roy would respond. 

Speedy froze but then cleared his throat. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

“Oh, right.” Dick shrugged. “I guess you don’t give your number out to random people you save.” He waved and walked back over to Bruce to drag him home. Roy was clearly a better person than him and wouldn’t play him with his other identity. Another reason to put a stop to what had happened between them. 

When they arrived at the manor, Dick’s phone was flooded with notifications. He texted Roy first. “Hey I’m safe at home. Just wanted you to know before I go to bed. I’m too exhausted to even move.”

“I was so worried when they said you’d been taken. I kept thinking that if I’d been at that party with you none of this would have happened.” Roy typed. 

So that’s why Roy had been the one to come to save him. He felt guilty. And the fact that Batman had tipped them off to his location implied that Bruce had been ready to make a move too if he weren’t undercover as a worried guardian. 

“You can’t blame yourself for not being there.” Dick comforted him. “I promise everything is alright. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, I’m going to sleep now.”

“I’m glad you’re ok. I’ll talk to you soon. Sleep well.” Roy said. 

Dick put his phone down and went down to the cave to find Bruce. 

“Are you sure you’re fit enough for patrol?” Batman asked before they left the cave that night. 

“Yes, the paramedics cleared me and you cleared me for duty.” Dick insisted. 

“I did, but I also want you to rest if you need.” Bruce frowned. 

“Says the man who never rests.” Alfred interrupted, bringing a tray of food and coffee. “I implore you to rest a little while, if only long enough to eat.” Alfred urged. Dick couldn’t say no to that and graciously dug into the food. “Really master Bruce, you should allow for more rest and recovery in your own schedule so as to set a good example for him.”

Dick smiled watching Bruce being hounded by his father figure. Well, he had to have learned it from somewhere obviously. 

…

“Why did you hug Green Arrow?” Dick asked as they were cruising through Gotham in the Batmobile. 

“I admit that was for my own amusement.” Bruce’s lips curled up slightly. “He knows me as Bruce, but doesn’t know that I’m aware of his identity. Honestly it’s fun to catch Ollie off guard.” Bruce said truthfully.

Dick laughed. “So you do have a sense of humor.” He joked. He wondered if he brought up his friendship with Roy… if he could get Bruce to understand his very precarious situation. “Hey B.” Dick started. 

“Yes chum?” Batman seemed calm tonight, relaxed even. Dick didn’t want to change that, but he needed guidance. 

“About my friendship with Roy. It’s gotten a little deeper than I expected and I don’t feel right keeping things from him.” Dick saw the visible change in Batman’s demeanor. “I still promise I won’t tell him my identity unless you say otherwise, but…”

“It’s dangerous.” Batman chided. 

“I know.” Dick insisted. “I understand the risk, but I trust him. I know he won’t tell!”

“You don’t understand Robin.” Batman said sternly. “You think this is only about us? About our identities being compromised? This is about so much more. The amount of identities and information I protect by staying hidden, far outweighs my own safety. Your safety, and security of those secrets are paramount to the survival of everyone we care about.” 

Robin swallowed. “I get that, but…”

“No buts, just believe me on this.” Batman had a softer tone than Robin had expected. There was something deeper that he wasn’t telling Dick. If that were the case, he needed to trust Batman. 

“Ok.” He decided to change the subject, but before he could, Bruce asked a loaded question. 

“How deep exactly did you mean you and Roy’s friendship has gotten?” Robin cringed. He really should’ve kept his mouth shut. 

“Not too deep. But we’re close.” He said nervously. 

“Are you dating him?” Batman asked point blank. 

“No!” Robin panicked. “Why would you ask that!?” 

“I have to.” Batman remained stoic. “I need to know if problems could arise between you, other than the normal team issues.” Robin scowled out the windshield. “I understand you’re an adult and can make your own decisions. I also understand that working closely with your colleagues and being friends with someone can influence your feelings about them.” 

Robin let out a strained laugh. “Oh like you’d know?” He grumped. 

“I would.” Batman said plainly. 

“What?” He sat up more, turning towards his mentor. 

“Interpersonal relationships with coworkers is difficult territory to navigate. Especially if romantic connections happen. But what’s important is your resolve. While I may not approve, I have no room to judge.” Batman didn’t elaborate, but he’d basically just implied he’d had relationships with his teammates. And perhaps, maybe he even knew Dick was more than platonic with Roy. 

“You… you’ve dated within the Justice League?” Dick was utterly shocked at first, then frustration hit. “You date them as Batman and they never see your face!? You just keep your identity hidden from them forever?” He huffed. “Isn’t that a shitty thing to do?” He confronted angrily. 

“They were aware that I would not be sharing my identity with them from the start. They agreed to that before going in and that they would not try to find out.” He clarified. 

Robin felt like he’d taken a blow to the gut. “They don’t care about your identity? So it's like there really is no secret and it’s all consensual that they don’t know who you are?” He let out a long breath. “I guess that’s better than just not telling them and juggling that secret.”

“Is that what you’ve been doing?” Batman asked directly. 

“I just want to have a friend, B. One that I can share everything with.” He admitted. “When I said our friendship had gotten deeper, I meant he’s my best friend and I tell him almost everything. I…I don’t like keeping things from him.” 

“I understand.” Bruce said with a tone that made Dick believe him. “Be patient. It’ll pass.” Dick was heartbroken at hearing that pronouncement. It’ll pass? Dick angrily fumed in the passenger seat. The feeling of wanting someone who knew everything about you would pass? How could Bruce say that? How could Bruce live like that? “Look who’s here.” Batman said as he quickly pulled the car over. 

Dick looked over at two familiar figures tying up a few men in front of a pawnshop that had been broken into. 

“Arrow.” Batman growled upon exiting the car. “Why are you still in Gotham? I thought I told you to go home after you rescued the Wayne boy.” 

“Hey, we finished up with the police after we rescued him and were on our way, but then we saw these guys. You’re welcome.” Green Arrow snarked.  

“Thank you.” Robin chimed in next to Batman. 

“At least your sidekick has manners, Bats.” Arrow scowled. “We’ll be on our way now.”

“Wait!” Dick ran forward. “Hey Speedy!” Robin approached quickly. “Anything happen with the Titans while I was gone? We just got back to Gotham tonight and I haven’t checked in with anyone.”

“This can’t wait for tomorrow? Your boss wants us out of your precious city.” Roy glared back at Batman. 

“Uh, sure it can wait.” Robin backed off as he sensed Roy’s animosity. “I’ll call a meeting.”

“Great.” Speedy huffed. “See you then.” He marched off toward their vehicle. 

Robin hoped that Batman wouldn’t say anything about Roy for the rest of the night, and thankfully he didn’t. He was able to focus on their patrol and wait for the next day to talk to Roy again. 

…

Robin called a meeting in Titan’s Lair the next day. Details from the cult he’d dealt with were displayed on the mission board. “Batman passed off a new case for us. Apparently there’s a problem with a cult wanting to summon a destructive force to our world. We’ve gathered intel that they are targeting innocents for sacrificial victims. That usually means kids, so we’re running our new social media campaign on all platforms to remind kids that they can reach out to us if they need help, or if anything suspicious is happening.” He looked around at his team for acknowledgement. “We know they’re going to be staging their sacrifice near the ocean, probably operating out of abandoned buildings down the coast. I’ll be running analysis and cross referencing cultists with the properties.”  

“I can send our drones out to check on the area out there.” Speedy volunteered. “Have an active eye in the sky.” 

Robin nodded. “Just don’t attract their attention.”  

“What are these guys trying to summon from the ocean? Is there really a Cuthulu out there?” Wally asked. 

“A what?” Garth squinted. 

“You know, a giant monster with a squid face and tentacles?” Wally clarified.  

“Oh, you mean Armie?” Garth asked. 

“What!?” Wally was shocked. “It exists!?” 

“I mean, he’s a giant Squid, not just the head. And definitely not a monster.” Garth informed.  

“Cool!” Wally sat forward. “Can you summon it!?”

Garth nodded. “I know where he lives.” 

“That might actually come in handy.” Robin said in approval. 

“Ooh I’d love to see the looks on rando cultists faces when an actual monster comes out of the sea!” Bumblebee laughed. “Give them exactly what they want.” 

“Here, here.” Donna agreed. “They want a show, they can have one.” 

“Yes! I want to see a giant squid!” Kid Flash exclaimed.  

“Ok. We’ll keep that in the plan.” Robin nodded. 

“I thought you were all about low key? Not sticking around and not leaving an impression.” Speedy grumbled.

“If this were a stealth mission, sure. But there’s apparently a being not of this world running this cult and we need to make sure we apprehend it.” Robin clarified. 

“An alien cult?” Kid Flash asked, confused.  

“More like a demon cult, I think.” Robin said. “Anyway, we need to be on our best game and take in as many of the cultists as we can. We need to capture the leader to stop it indefinitely.” Robin wrapped up the mission brief and asked the team what they’d been working on while he’d been away. It was only a few days, but they were sure to be helping those that reached out. Robin listened to their explanations and was grateful they’d set up the system they had. Their social media manager was Charley Parker, the former hero who liked his spot as their guy behind the scenes. He would go through requests for assistance with other outliers to help weed out the real from the fabricated.  He was proud of his team as they shared what they’d accomplished in just a few days. “Amazing work everyone.” He dismissed the meeting and noticed that Speedy didn’t get up. He stayed in the briefing room as everyone left. “You ok?” 

Speedy nodded. “Yeah, just…” He paused, his lips pulling taut. Robin sat down across the table from him. “Have you ever been jealous of yourself?”

Robin looked at him with confusion. “What?”

“I uh…” He cleared his throat. “I just happened to be around when my friend with benefits, the one I told you about that doesn’t want the benefits anymore, was in trouble.” He leaned back in the chair. “Of course I rescued them and they…they tried to kiss me in uniform, not even knowing it was me!” 

Robin cringed. Oops. Wrong move again. “Oh.” He managed to say. 

“So I’m not able to kiss him, but he’ll kiss any random hero that saves him?” Speedy scoffed. “Do you get people trying to kiss you when you rescue them?” 

“Not really no.” Robin said. “Well maybe a grandma that kissed my cheek once, after she pinched it.” He rubbed his face in memory of the event. 

Speedy chuckled. “Yeah that happens.”

“But if you were just there to rescue him, one kiss wouldn’t mean anything right?” Robin suggested. 

“He asked for my number.” Speedy brought his feet up on the table, reclining back. “I guess he didn’t really like being “make out buddies” with me if he’s looking for someone else and telling me no.” Dick couldn’t help his heart sinking into his stomach. “What’s that look for? It’s not like it’s happening to you.” Speedy snarked. 

“Right.” Robin shook his head. “Did you ever tell me why he wanted to stop making out with you?”

Speedy shrugged. “I don’t know why. I tried asking the other day and he just said he wasn’t ready to say.” 

Robin pretended to think about the subject. “Hmmm.” He couldn’t exactly suggest that Dick knew Roy was Speedy and that’s why he hit on him. Change of subject it is. “Did you know Batman dates in the league?”

Speedy’s jaw dropped. “He what?”

“Yeah.” Robin chuckled. “I just found out last night.”

“Dude, so the league knows who Batman is?” He questioned excitedly.

“Uh, no, they don’t.” Robin shook his head. “Apparently whoever he dates just agrees not to know who he is.”

“Damn, so the mask stays on?” Speedy laughed. “I was joking when I said you keep yours on!”

Robin blushed. “I didn’t even think about that.”

“Does he just keep it on, or turn off the lights?” Roy hummed. 

“I didn’t ask.” Robin cleared his throat. “It’s not something I tend to want in my head, thanks.”

“No, I get it. I don’t want to picture Ollie in bed either. Gross!” Roy shuddered. “Damn, if he doesn’t even reveal who he is to the people he’s fucking, there’s no hope you’d ever tell us who you are.” Speedy seemed less entertained now, his feet went back to the floor as he faced Robin. 

“I…” Robin wanted to say something comforting. 

Speedy’s smirk returned. “Unless it was a really good fuck.” Robin stared at him, his heart jumping into his throat. What would he say next? What could Robin say? He wanted to say something witty, but daring. He could tell him he could try. Speedy broke the tension by chuckling and standing up from the table. “Not like you’re up for that anyway.” He strolled out as though he hadn’t said anything. 

Robin groaned and let his forehead hit the table with a clunk. Roy was going to be the death of him.

Chapter Text

A few days later, Dick was at another charity event with Bruce. Roy had originally said he didn’t want to go, but he showed up with Oliver anyway. “Hey, I thought you weren’t coming.” Dick smiled at the pleasant surprise of seeing his friend there. 

“Well, last time I ditched you at one of these, you got kidnapped by a demon cult.” Roy nudged his arm. “Seems like you need me here.”

Dick inwardly laughed at Roy’s perception of him. Even if he was joking, Dick was basically his damsel in distress now. “I don’t need rescuing.” Dick teased. 

“No?” Roy’s eyebrows rose. “Who did you say was the one that pulled you out of certain death?” He asked with a sly grin. “Oh yeah, a hero that rescued you!”

“I could’ve escaped.” Dick shrugged. 

Roy laughed at what he perceived was Dick kidding around. “Ok. Sure.”

Dick smiled softly at his own inside joke. Knowing he told the truth, only for Roy to not believe him. “Wanna explore this place?” Dick suggested. “I’m tired of just standing around.”

Roy chuckled. “I’m down.” They wandered the corridors and annexes of the museum, viewing and commenting on the displays. Eventually they ended up in a secluded gallery off one of the hallways. “I don’t get it.” Roy said, staring at a wildly colored canvas on the wall. 

Dick chuckled. “Maybe it’s an aesthetic choice?” 

Roy hummed and leaned in closer to him. “An ugly choice.” He whispered. Dick snorted and turned to answer back, only to realize Roy was still very close. He caught his eye and watched him glance at his lips. That was all he needed to rush forward into a kiss. He wasn’t expecting more than a playful peck, but Roy pulled him in immediately and pushed him down onto a bench nearby. It had been days with no physical contact like this between them and Dick felt like he couldn’t get enough. Roy was most likely feeling the same as his hands wandered desperately, unbuttoning Dick’s shirt halfway. Dick’s mind was hazy and irrational as Roy pushed open the fabric and lowered his head, his lips leaving a trail of kisses to a spot below Dick’s collarbone. Dick moaned as he could feel Roy sucking harshly on his skin. When Roy pulled back, he ran his fingers softly over the mark he’d left. “Beautiful.” His eyes lifted to stare into Dick’s, who secretly hoped Roy could feel how fast his heart was thrumming, right under his fingertips. He wanted to kiss him, to pull him in and not let go. Roy’s hand left his skin and started doing his buttons back up. He cleared his throat and pushed away. “Sorry.” He stood and reached out a hand, hauling Dick to his feet as well. 

“It’s fine.” Dick said, breathless and confused. 

“Did you catch any of the game before you got here tonight?” Roy asked as though nothing had just happened at all. 

“Uh no.” Dick said, still reeling from the actions that had transpired. His hand came up absentmindedly and touched the spot where Roy had left a mark. He could still feel it. “Roy?”

“Yeah?” Roy turned back to face him, eyes darting to where his hand was before smirking. “Thought I’d give you something to remind you of me when you see it. That way I know you’re thinking about me.” He slipped his hands into his pockets and nodded towards the doorway. “Come on, we’re missing the party.”

Dick was bewildered. Missing the party? Roy wouldn’t care. “What did I do wrong?” Dick’s teeth clenched as he realized he’d said it out loud. He hadn’t meant to. 

Roy looked confused at first, but then understanding passed over his features. “Nothing, I just don’t want to keep you from the gala.”

Dick shook his head. “That’s never been a problem before.”

“Yeah, and I just figured it’s better for us if we stay in public.” Roy shrugged. “You know why.”

Dick knew it was for the best, but he couldn’t help being disappointed. “Yes. I know why.”

“Wouldn’t want to be caught doing anything here next to the ugly art.” Roy winked. 

Dick stepped forward, wanting to be the one to offer to run away this time. “We could go…”

“Come on Dickie.” Roy interrupted and left the room without him.

Dick took a deep breath. There was no reason he should feel so deflated. That was Speedy. That was Roy. He was a friend, but he was also a teammate. He was a colleague, and worst of all, didn’t even know he was. Hadn’t he been the one to say they should back off for fear of hurting Roy? He sat on the bench again and stared up at the “ugly” art. He had to figure out why he kept getting himself trapped in this constant cycle of wanting to resist and wanting to give in. It wasn’t like he had any actual reasons to kiss Roy. He wasn’t planning on dating him, he wasn’t in love with him, and there wasn’t anything to gain by doing this. There was more to lose from continuing if he was honest. Something had to give eventually, and he didn’t know if he wanted the fallout from it. After a while of recovering his senses alone and adjusting his clothes, Dick left the room and looked around for where Roy had gone. He searched the main floor, but didn’t see him anywhere. The next floor up was the same. Giving up, he stared down at the partygoers from the upper balcony, leaning his arms on the railing. Why had Roy disappeared? Oliver Queen was still here. Surely if anything had arisen that required Speedy to go out without Arrow, Robin would’ve been called along as well. Maybe he was in the bathroom. Dick used this time to distract himself by practicing his skills in reading body language and facial expressions. Something Bruce had taught him very early on in his career as Robin, and something that still kept him entertained at events like these. He could pick out those that were comfortable here and those that weren’t. He could see when couples were quarreling, when dates were actually impressed, and when business deals were sure to succeed or fall through. Dick watched Bruce flawlessly playing the crowd of his admirers. He could see every fake smile, every flash of dangerously seductive eyes, every false laugh. So effortless, and so perfectly a mask. One just as sturdy as his cowl. Was Dick himself doomed to this life of secrets and lies? Dick frowned and turned away. A door off the main hall opened and two male figures stepped out together. From their body language toward each other and immediate separation as they re-entered the ballroom they’d clearly been hooking up. Dick smirked at his secret knowledge before his stomach dropped. One of them was Roy. Dick looked back at the other man that had come in with him and didn’t recognize him. He wasn’t someone that overlapped into their circles at least. He turned his attention back to Roy who seemed to be searching for someone. Dick froze as he realized he was probably looking for him. As if he could feel Dick’s gaze on him, Roy looked up and made eye contact before heading toward the stairs up to the balcony. Dick couldn’t move. His feet felt magnetized to the floor and all he could do was stand, waiting for Roy to join him there. 

“Hey, hiding away up here? Great view.” Roy looked out over the lower floors with interest. 

Dick swallowed. “Yep. Great for people watching.” He wanted to comment on what he’d seen. He wanted to tell Roy he’d noticed what had happened. But why? Why was he so upset? He pinched the bridge of his nose to keep calm. 

“What’s wrong?” Roy leaned in next to him, his arm touching Dick’s softly. 

Dick flinched away. “Nothing.” He had no right to feel this way. Roy was a friend, nothing more. “Just a headache.” He lied. 

“Want to go lay down? Or I can tell Bruce you’re not feeling well and take you home. I’m bored here anyway.” Roy offered. 

Bored? Or Bored of him? “No, I’ll be fine.” Dick said, taking a breath and pushing away his anger. He really shouldn’t be so possessive. They weren’t dating. Roy wasn’t even anything special to him or the man he’d just been with. This feeling was stupid. He was stupid for feeling angry that Roy would rather hookup with a stranger than spend time with him as a friend.  

“So, I was thinking.” Roy said casually. “What if we just don’t attend these events?”

Dick looked at him in surprise. “What?”

“We’re adults, what are Bruce and Ollie going to do? We don’t need to “network” we don’t need to “be social” at least not here. We should go to other parties. Clubs. Funner events. We won’t even have to wear suits and you probably won’t get kidnapped.” Roy laughed. 

“Yeah. Sure.” Dick said sourly. “I think I’m gonna tell Bruce I’m not feeling well.”

“Need a ride home?” Roy asked, sounding concerned.

“No.” Dick rushed past him and headed down the stairs. Before he got to Bruce, his Titan’s comm buzzed. At least that would keep Roy off his back here, but now he’d have to work around him tonight. An alert came through about missing persons. High school kids were gone. It was the cult! Dick rushed to Bruce’s side. “Hey Bruce, I don’t feel good, I need to go.” He tried to look as frail as possible for the onlookers. 

“Excuse me.” Bruce pushed away from the crowd, putting an arm around Dick’s shoulders. “What’s going on?” He asked in a low voice as they walked. 

“The cult.” Dick said. “We’ve got confirms of high school kids being taken from a party. Titans are being called in as we speak.”

“Good. Be careful out there.” Bruce warned.  

“Don’t worry I’ve got extra help out there tonight.” He nodded.  

…

Garth had been sent off with Donna to call the giant Kraken-like creature. A little distraction and theatrics would be welcome on this mission. Speedy had used drones up the coastline to locate the cult gathering. A number of hooded individuals were grouped around the taken high schoolers who stood tied to a structure of logs, clearly meant to be burnt by the torches held by cultists. 

“Mission is to rescue the hostages and detain the leader. Nab as many of the cultists as you can in the meantime. I’ll head in and free the kids.” Robin ordered to the rest of the team. Kid Flash zoomed around, grabbing the torches before the cult could light the pyre. As the others attacked, Robin rushed in through the chaos of the fighting and untied the hostages, leading them to safety as a giant behemoth of a squid rose from the ocean and cultists scattered in panic of being discovered. One had nearly fallen from the cliff side, but Donna’s lasso snatched them up in time. One by one they captured the cult members and detained them. 

The leader and monster that had almost stabbed Dick when he was kidnapped, pulled off its hood revealing its sharp jaws and spiky structures around its face. It’s deep red skin shining in the moonlight. It gave up on attempting to call back its followers, and instead declared, “Your blood will serve me as well as any!”  Magical power like green lightning emanated from its hand, surrounding the team and stopping them in their attempt to capture it. They all fell to the ground as it took effect. The pain was excruciating and felt like their lives were being drained. Suddenly, Robin felt the coursing pain through his entire body stop. He looked up to see Garth’s summoned Kraken had grabbed hold of the demon-like creature. It struggled with a snarl in the grasp of the giant tentacle, but Donna swooped in and knocked it out. The cult was finished. They had won. 

With the creature taken away later by Zatanna the team was finally able to return to base. As much as Robin wanted to celebrate with his teammates, he still felt a little upset from earlier. He entered the room where his team was and noticed Speedy was watching something on one of the Titan’s media devices. Robin approached to look over his shoulder and scowled. He was playing back footage of their actions that night. “You filmed the fight?” Robin asked.

“Not just filmed it.” Speedy grinned. “I streamed it to our page. It’s going viral!” He bragged.

That was definitely the last straw. Robin let his anger start to take over and all his pent up frustration broke. “You were live-streaming the whole fight!!” Robin in his frustration tried to lecture him on how bad of an idea that was and reminded Speedy about the victims’ right to privacy. 

“We got releases.” Roy said simply as though none of it was a problem. 

Wally rushed in. “Didn’t take long.” He said with a handful of papers and a wide smile.  

Robin was two seconds from throwing a punch at Speedy’s face. If he hadn’t already been angry at him, it probably wouldn’t have been such a big deal, still bad, but it wouldn't be burning in his skull like this. “Don’t drag Wally into this!” He threatened. It was bad enough Roy was going off script and live-streaming what should be private heroic work and not something done for publicity, but he shouldn’t be dragging the others in too. Especially Kid Flash who was the youngest of their group and still a minor. Kid was so eager to please that he’d go along with any crazy plan Roy could think up. Their argument peaked and Robin shut down. He didn’t bother to argue back as Roy went off on how their team deserved to be in the limelight and how Robin himself had been a circus star so he shouldn’t be jealous of the team’s success in the media. Robin simply stormed away and locked himself in his room.

The next day passed with him arguing with Bruce again about their relationships to teams and how Bruce couldn’t trust the Titans with Dick’s identity, regardless of his trust in their mentors. The livestream of the fight had gotten Bruce worked up about the issue again. Dick was in a seemingly constant bad mood throughout the entire next day as well. 

“Hey. How are you feeling?” Roy had texted for the third time with no reply. 

Dick was so tempted to continue to ghost him in anger. “Still bad. I’m sorry I’m not gonna be answering much.” He wasn’t sorry. He was half tempted to block him, but that would be overkill for just being angry. 

“Need me to come kiss it better?” Roy replied. 

Dick nearly threw his phone. “I just need to rest.” He placed his phone aside and marched down to the cave to use the gym. He needed to burn off energy and frustration asap.

Things escalated again on the next Titan’s mission when they took down the separated man, keeping him from destroying a city. Roy had not only brought out the drone cameras again, he was fully posing and winking for the live feed during a desperate moment. 

“Okay. Cameras are off. Happy?” Speedy had snarked at Robin who’d been reprimanding him again. 

“NO!” Robin yelled. “Seconds counted, and your showboating cost us time! Why are you so damn hungry to be an influencer?” He was fed up with the ridiculous sudden need for attention. “Don’t you feel that pressure? Millions of eyes on us waiting for us to fail?”

Speedy scoffed. “Wow.” His voice was sarcastic. “Wow. Is that you talking or Batman? Look!” He gestured to the team, getting surrounded by onlookers taking selfies and thanking them. 

“There’s nothing wrong with getting a little love. Well, Aqualad doesn’t understand why anyone cares, but you know…he’s Aqualad so…” Speedy was back on his constant hounding of Garth. “I think we both enjoy the attention! You’re just mad because you’re sharing the spotlight!”

“That’s not…” Robin wanted to say something that would shut him up, he wanted to hit Roy’s insecurities, but he barked an order instead. “From now on, no filming without an okay from me!” He couldn’t help being a little more vicious. “You don’t get to make unilateral choices for this team! You weren’t even a member until after we started! Who do you think you are!?”

Speedy snapped. “You want to go there? Let’s go there!” The rest of the team had left the grouping of civilians and rejoined the two arguing with each other. “I’m Roy! He’s Wally! Garth, Karen, Donna! And you… who the hell knows? What’s your real name? Everybody else has shared! Why not you?” Roy said harshly.

Robin was angry, recalling his promise to Bruce. He was tempted just to deck Speedy, but a physical fight wouldn’t be worth it with civilians still watching them from afar. 

Robin turned to leave, giving up on trying to lecture. “Do what you want. Sometimes I don’t even know why I’m here.”

“I bet I do. Bat-narc!” Speedy spat as he walked away. 

That hurt. So that’s another reason why Speedy was always distant from Robin now. Honestly Robin didn’t blame him at all for feeling that way. Of course Speedy didn’t trust Robin and his resentment of Batman trickled down into that unease. 

“Hey! Hey! Hold up!” Kid Flash zoomed closer to be by his side. “Look, I…I’m sure you’ve got reasons! Don’t be mad! We’re all…”

“Mission’s over Wally. I’ll see you later. Maybe.” Robin growled and stormed away from him. 

Dick hated this. He hadn’t meant to take out his anger on Wally. He hated being angry at Roy. He hated fighting with him and not being able to even get deep into why he was angry. He was mad at Speedy for being a cocky jerk again and acting out, all for attention, but he was also frustrated that Roy wouldn’t even give him the attention he wanted so badly. He recalled how he’d felt at their last gala. How he’d seen Roy use another man to get off with rather than just stay and be with him as a friend. 

…

“You ok?” Dick really didn’t need any of Bruce’s condemnation right now. And stayed quiet. “You’re not ok. Is it your team? Do you want to quit?” Bruce asked. 

“QUIT?!” Dick lashed out before covering his face with his hands and groaning. 

“That’s a no then.” Bruce said calmly. 

Dick nodded. “I just… why can’t things just be easy?”

Dick was surprised when Bruce laughed. He looked up at him curiously. “You have no idea how many times I ask myself that every day.” Dick had to laugh slightly, just from the situation. Bruce sat down across from him. “Do you want to discuss what’s happening?”

Dick shook his head hesitantly, but then shrugged. “I’m just feeling out of place again. I don’t fit in with the team and I’m… I’m angry at Speedy for pulling stupid stunts and not listening. I don’t know what to do to get him to respect me as Robin.” 

“You mean the fights he live streamed?” Bruce had been angry at that as well. “Does he respect you as a friend out of uniform?” Bruce inquired.  

Dick felt his heart drop. “Yes, but I…I’m mad at him as a friend too.”

Bruce leaned forward. “What changed?”

“Nothing really, but.. I just might be a bit jealous of him… I don’t know.” Dick wavered on telling Bruce the truth. “I feel like an idiot when he’s interacting with other people and not me.” He saw Bruce’s look of confusion and groaned. “I know it sounds stupid, but he’s one of my only close friends and I can’t even talk to him openly. Not about anything major at least. Then I just go and get mad if I see him with someone else? Hell, I’m not a kid on the playground anymore! What’s wrong with me!?” He closed his eyes and waited for Bruce’s judgement. 

“Did I ever tell you about the time Harvey and I got into a fight in college?” Bruce asked quietly. 

Dick’s head popped up. “You went to college with him?” 

Bruce nodded slowly. “For a while. I was there to study medicine and started to build my public persona. I admit I had to act like I was more interested in parties and sex than anything else, often neglecting my friend’s life and making things difficult for both of us. I remember waking up to Harvey dumping cold water over me one afternoon because I was going to miss a final exam. I gave him a black eye and he split my lip in the struggle that ensued. He couldn’t know that everything was planned and an act. I didn’t tell him the truth and it led us to physical fights.” Bruce sighed. “I know I was wrong, but I felt a little jealous that he could be such a good student and I couldn’t let myself be seen that way. It turned out he was jealous that I got to slack off all day and still made good grades. I understand you wanting to be friends with Roy out of uniform but is lying to him worth it? It might cause more harm than good.” 

“I’m not lying to him. I just... He doesn’t know I’m Robin, that's all.” Dick shrugged in defeat. 

“And Harvey didn’t know Brucie Wayne was fake, so it still caused strife. Harvey was angry that I was wasting my life and getting into trouble when he thought I could do so much more. I couldn’t exactly tell him that I was preparing to be Batman and building my alibi.” Bruce said solemnly. 

Dick nodded. “That must’ve been tough.” 

“It was. To watch him think so badly of me was hard, but I did what I had to.” Bruce shrugged. 

“So you’re saying I can’t be real friends with someone if they don’t completely know me?” Dick knew that already somewhere deep in his chest.  

“Perhaps, but there will always be things that you can’t say to them. If you were to tell Roy right now that you’re jealous he has other people he hangs out with, what would he say?” Bruce inquired. 

“Probably say I’m acting crazy and I shouldn’t be so possessive.” He huffed. 

“And why do you think you’re being possessive?” Bruce asked.  

“Because I don’t… I don’t have any closer friends.” Dick admitted.  

“Our line of work doesn’t do great things for our social lives. I get that, but you could branch out, or…”

“Bruce.” Dick cut him off. “Please stop. I don’t want to hear anything about getting more friends or leaving all this behind.” 

Bruce nodded. “So what do you want to hear?”

Dick buried his head in his hands again. “I don’t know. I want to be justified in my feelings but I know that they’re ridiculous.” 

“Your feelings are justified, just maybe not what you want from them.” Bruce said cryptically.  

Dick looked back up, confused. “What?”

“You can feel jealous that Roy has other friends, but you shouldn’t feel that he can only have you as a friend.” Bruce offered.  

“So I can be jealous, just recognize that it’s not cool to be mad at him if my reason is trash?” Dick snorted.

“Exactly. It’s ok to feel things, you just have to make sure you don’t let that take over and cloud your perceptions.” Bruce said. “Stay objective and don’t let it affect you.”

“How do I tell myself that? When I saw him… I can’t really explain, but I saw him go off with someone else at a party and I was mad that he’d rather go with a stranger than stay and talk to me.” Dick frowned, leaving out the part of hookups being a possibility. 

“And that’s where your feelings should end. He’s an independent person who you don’t have any control over. You could just make other friends too, just like he’s doing.” Bruce advised.

Dick knew that he definitely could. He pushed aside the brief temptation to get caught by Roy with someone else as revenge, but realized that would be worse than just telling Roy the truth. He sighed. “I guess I am overreacting.” Roy wasn’t his. He had no business wanting to be his only. Wait…be his only what? They weren’t lovers, they weren’t even best friends really. When exactly had he become jealous of Roy sleeping with other people and why? “Did my last mission report make sense?” Dick asked, wanting to change the subject. 

Bruce seemed to pick up on the fact that he didn’t want to talk about Roy anymore and didn’t push. That was one good thing about Bruce, if you didn’t want to talk about feelings, neither did he. 

Dick decided he’d been ridiculous enough and texted Roy that evening. “Hey, sorry for being so quiet. I feel better now.” 

Roy was quick to respond. “Hey, I’m glad. Are you well enough to hang out?” Dick took a deep breath. His current state of annoyance at Speedy would probably keep him from making out with Roy. Dick tried to push down that annoyance as he pulled up to the park Roy had suggested they meet at. He had to be a friend, he had to act normal. Apparently he didn’t seem to act well enough, since Roy questioned him as they walked around together. “Hey. What happened to you? Did it have to do with the kidnapping? Were you hurt? You still seem a little shaky.”

Dick sighed. “I just needed some time on my own.” 

“Was it… was it something I did?” Roy showed an awful lot of concern for someone who didn’t seem to care about anyone but himself when in costume. 

Dick wanted to say something, but thought back on his conversation with Bruce. He couldn’t allow himself to be irrational. It was petty and unnecessary. It could also lead him to slipping up and revealing what Roy shouldn’t know. “I was more tired than I realized after that whole ordeal. It wasn’t like they starved me or tortured me. I was lucky, all things considered, but…” He went quiet. He was lying about his reasons for the silence. “I just needed some space to process.”

“I get that. But I’m here if you need to talk.” Roy was being sweet again. Dick had to close his eyes and think back to their interactions as Speedy and Robin to keep himself aloof. 

“Thanks.” Dick said with a placating half smile. He managed to be civil and even calm his frustrations a little as they talked. Sitting on a picnic table together, Dick decided he wanted to try and clear the air between them a little, he didn’t want to keep lying. “Hey, can I talk to you about something?”

“You are talking to me.” Roy kidded. 

Dick bit on his lower lip, trying to debate still if this was worth it. “I uh… When you left me alone at the gala the other night I had time to think. I guess I like being with you and I’m glad you’ve respected my boundaries and I… I wish I didn’t have those boundaries, but I do. I know you’re confused and probably think I’m weird, but I promise I have a good reason.” He paused. “I want to ask though… about our involvement with other people in the same way.”

“What do you mean?” Roy shifted next to him.

“I … I may have flirted with the guy that rescued me from the cult.” He said as though revealing a dark secret. 

“Yeah? Did he flirt back?” Roy asked.

Dick shrugged. “Kinda, but not really. I…honestly I was glad when he said no, because I thought of you.” 

Roy’s eyebrow twitched. “Why would you think of me?”  

“I… I know we’re not dating or anything, but I thought you might be jealous if I was kissing someone else.” Dick was slowly building up to talking about Roy going off with a stranger at the gala. He couldn’t just come out and say ‘hey I’m messed up and feel really possessive about you sleeping with someone and not me, even though I won’t let you sleep with me.’ That wouldn’t go over well. 

“Wait.” Roy turned towards him. “Are you kidding? I thought you were going somewhere else with this.” Roy looked relieved. He was probably worried about Dick knowing his secret identity. He did, but he didn’t need to know that yet. “I might be a little jealous of anyone else who got to kiss those lips, but like you said we’re not dating so I know you can kiss whoever you want.”

Dick had to frown again. Roy could recognize that his jealousy wasn’t founded and let it go. Why couldn’t he? “True. But also when you left me I… I didn’t want you to go. I wanted you to stay with me. I was angry you’d disappeared.”

“You and I both know I couldn’t stay. I was fighting that urge to just take you right there on the museum bench. Which to be honest probably would’ve ended badly. As much as I’d love people walking in on us and security cameras capturing it all, I was trying to avoid even wanting to be with you for those reasons.” Dick was stuck between telling Roy he was jealous of him going off with a stranger at that point or just dropping it and changing the subject. Good thing Roy did it for him. “By the way.” Roy looked at him intently. “I know you said you weren’t ready to talk about why you have your boundaries, but for the love of god why!? I’m not trying to pressure you, I’m just insanely curious and you’re making me crazy trying to think of the reason.”

Dick laughed and wanted to say, ‘if I told you you’d hate me’, but shook his head. “Sorry I’m not ready.” 

Roy frowned. “Sure. Just tell me if it’s something horrible or weird, like you have a chastity pact with someone or you’re an alien being who doesn’t have sex like humans.” He grinned. “If you are that’s cool, but don’t lay eggs in me ok? I’m not into that.” Roy teased. 

Dick laughed again. “It’s nothing terrible, you know I’m not an alien. You’ve seen… well the picture I sent you should be proof that I’m a human.” Dick thought back to the picture of his abs covered in cum as his bulge still showed in his pants. 

“That’s what an alien would say. Besides, Superman is an alien and he looks human. At least, I assume that the rest of him does look human I’m not sure.” Roy hummed. “That’s something to think about for sure.”

Dick almost interjected with his knowledge of Kryptonian biology, but then remembered he couldn’t tell Roy anything that Robin had knowledge of over Dick Grayson. “Yeah I don’t know. All I can say about it is that I have a good reason for not wanting to go all the way with you right now, and I don’t want to talk about it. I…it’s definitely frustrating that I can’t let you do what I want you to do to me though.”

“I mean, you can. You’re an adult, I’m not sure why you keep saying you can’t fuck me.” Roy was teasing at first but then grew serious. “But if it’s something traumatic I know that will take a lot of time. If you want to, I can help you work through whatever’s going on so you can have anything you want.” Roy was so genuine about the offer. Not even a hint of teasing. Dick had to breathe and know that the only way past this was telling Roy who he was. 

“I appreciate the thought, but it’s something that I need to deal with on my own. I’ll stop taking it out on you though.” Dick said solemnly. 

“Taking it out on me? Is that why you disappeared on me?” Roy huffed. "You were mad we didn't fuck?"

“Yeah.” Dick lied. “But I’ll stop.”

“Good.” Roy was back to his jovial teasing self. “Because if you ghost me every time I resist the urge to fuck you, we’d never talk.”

Dick had to laugh through the pit in his stomach. “Yeah. I’m sorry about that.”

“No, it's ok. Like, I know you said you’re not a virgin or anything but you kinda said I’d be your first guy. So I’ll be patient if you still want me.” Roy shrugged. It sounded so natural as he said it. 

Dick blushed heavily. He had spoken that wish in a fevered passion driven moment. “I… I still want that.”

“Yeah?” Roy perked up. “Just tell me when babe and I’ll be there.”

Dick chucked. It was so weird to promise himself like that to someone he didn’t even know would want him later when the time came. Obviously things would change the minute Roy learned he was Robin. Roy probably wouldn’t even acknowledge the offer at all once he found out. He’d probably just beat him up and tell him to go to hell for leading him on like this. And Dick would deserve it. Dick laid back on the table top, staring up at the reddish sky above. The sunset was blazing streaks of orange and pink in the clouds. The wind had picked up a little and blew skittering dry leaves beneath the table. What he wouldn’t give for time to stop and give him enough courage to tell Roy who he was. Then he wouldn’t be stuck in this limbo of desire. He would just tell Roy he was Robin and watch Roy be angry with him and pull away. Then he’d be freed from this cycle of resisting him. But at the same time Dick didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want Roy to know the truth now. Because as long as he was clueless to him being Robin, they would continue this closeness. Dick was being selfish now and he knew it. If he was going to tell Roy at all it would be to come clean and let Roy know the whole truth about him. He felt that sting of guilt again that he was only using Roy, but was what he was doing using him? Roy wanted this too. He was simply following along with Roy’s wants and actions. Wasn’t he?

“You ok in there?” Roy smiled, leaning over him. 

“Just thinking.” Dick gazed up at him calmly. 

“You’re quiet a lot. I like it, but I get worried that you don’t want to talk to me again.” Roy’s smile was sad. 

“I do. I’m just…” He was trying to comfort Roy but still felt the sting of frustration from earlier. “Tired.”

“I get that. Hey, wanna see something cool?” Dick sat up as Roy fished his phone from his pocket. “Look at this!” He held it out showing a video on the screen. It was their last mission he’d live-streamed. “Apparently the Titans are recording their fights now!”

Dick’s stomach seethed in anger. “Are they?” He asked bitterly. 

“Woah, you don’t like the Titans?” Roy looked surprised. 

Dick had to change the direction of this quick. “Hey that’s him!” He pointed at the video of the fight where Speedy was shown. “He rescued me from that psycho cult. He’s the one I flirted with!”

Roy looked back to the footage. “Speedy?”

“Yeah.” Dick nodded. 

“He’s pretty impressive right?” Roy gloated. “No wonder you flirted with him.” 

Dick wanted to roll his eyes, but suddenly had a wicked idea to bring Roy down a few pegs. “Who’s the guy in red and blue that was riding a dolphin? He’s cute.”

Roy scoffed “Aqualad!? Oh man, are you serious!?” 

“Yeah, let me see him.” Dick reached out to take the phone. 

Roy snatched it away, clearing the screen. “You know, maybe we shouldn’t watch that. Maybe we should walk around instead.” He hopped up from the table. 

Dick wanted to laugh and keep teasing Roy, but his Titan’s comm buzzed. “Actually I think I better head home. I’ve got a gymnastics practice tonight.”

“Yeah. I should head out too actually.” Dick knew Roy also felt his own comm calling him into the field and would need to leave. “Well, I’ll text you tomorrow then.” Roy said, waving as he walked away. 

“No kiss goodbye?” Dick teased, calling after him. Dick didn’t expect anything from him, but Roy turned and jogged back, taking Dick’s face in his hands and kissing him deeply. He pulled back with a smile and turned to go. Dick would ask for more, but didn’t have time to tease him and went to his car. He had to see what the trouble was and be ready to lead their team. By the time he’d gotten into gear and fired up the jet he’d contacted everyone on the team. The others were already on route, he just waited on Speedy to show before he could leave. Roy walked into the hangar and Dick suddenly felt a ramming force of mixed emotions. He wanted to smile and blush, but he wanted to be harsh and unfeeling. He wanted to make sure the drones stayed off this time and Speedy wasn’t good at listening to Robin unless he was firm with him. 

Speedy climbed into the jet. “Are we going or what?” 

“Are we? Did you leave the drones this time?” Robin asked, hoping it was all in the past. 

“I did actually. I didn’t want to deal with your attitude anymore.” Speedy spat. 

Dick cringed and fired up the jet for takeoff. “Thank you.” He said quietly as they flew. 

“For what?” Speedy scowled. 

“For not bringing drones. I’m sorry I flew off the handle about them before. I…I was angry about other things as well.” Robin admitted.

“That’s nice.” Roy folded his arms, leaning into his seat more. 

“I didn’t mean to let my personal life interfere with Titan’s dynamics.” Robin apologized.  

“Great.” Speedy was still angry at him apparently. Short answers and no effort to make amends were clear signs other than his hostile body language. 

Robin took a deep breath. “Anything I can say to get back to being friends?”

“Don’t start with that bullshit Robin. We all know the real reason you’re on this team is to keep an eye on us and control us.” Roy grumbled. 

His heart sank. “If that’s what you want to believe.” 

They were quiet for a while. “How long till we land?” Roy asked finally. 

“Five minutes.” He said sharply. “Think you can manage for that long with someone that just wants to control you?”

“Ah so you admit it?” Roy’s face split into a smirk. “I bet you get off on watching us do what you say.”

“I don’t.” He growled.

Roy snorted. “Then maybe don’t be such a little bitch when we take initiative and do something we weren’t told to do. You’re such a freak.” Dick bit his tongue to keep from firing back with blows that would hurt even more. They landed and met up with the others on the ground. Their two advance scouts filled them in on the situation. A missing high schooler was in an abandoned house where a dangerous psychic attack was present. Robin divided the team to help with the investigation and Speedy approached him. “You sure you don’t want Aqualad to sit this one out, man? Unless there’s an extra big fish tank in there, if we get into real trouble…”

Dick had had enough of Roy debasing Garth for no reason. “I’m sure your anti-psychic-attack arrow will save the day.” He snapped before thinking. “Just go.” He ordered before he let himself continue. 

Roy smirked coldly. “Don’t get your cape in a bunch Tweety Bird.” 

“Don’t you mean Bat-narc?” Robin barked back. 

Speedy sighed. “Whatever, dude.” 

Dick stormed away leading his half of the team to investigate why the girl had gone missing. They came to the conclusion that she’d been unknowingly manifesting psychic powers and abilities. She didn’t know how to control them and ran away scared. Robin was relieved that there wasn’t anything sinister going on and smiled as the girl was reunited with her friends. Garth had been the one to connect with her inside the house and pull her out of her terrified state. Allowing her to gain control of her ability for the moment. He volunteered to stay behind and help her with her new found abilities for a while. 

Robin wanted to gloat at Roy that Garth was the one to save the day, but noticed his face looked like he’d taken a few hits. Apparently the girl’s psyche had conjured situations to attack those that entered the house. He figured Roy might have learned his lesson tonight. They loaded up in the jet to travel home, and Robin couldn’t help but wonder what exactly had happened in the house. Roy’s face aside, Donna seemed upset and distant. She hadn’t even responded to Roy’s blatant flirtation this time, as was normal every time he was around her. Returning home he reported their success to Batman and went up to bed. He expected to ignore texts from Roy when he picked up his phone, but there were none. Maybe what had happened tonight hit him harder than expected. Even though he was still frustrated with Roy, he wanted to know if he was ok. 

“Hey, you awake?” He texted. He waited for a reply, but eventually figured none would come through tonight. Roy was probably asleep already. 

He put his phone aside and turned over to try and drift off, only to hear it buzz and immediately retrieve it. “Why are you awake?” Roy asked. 

It was late, but they usually talked late at night so it wasn’t out of the ordinary. “Couldn’t sleep.” Dick said truthfully. 

A reply came in quickly. “I can help with that. Call?” Dick’s heart sped up. He knew what Roy meant. He paused, hating his very real annoyance at Speedy getting in the way of wanting to be horny with Roy. He apparently paused for too long. “Never mind, go to sleep.” Roy typed. 

“You ok?” Dick couldn’t help asking. No reply. He waited another few minutes in the silence. He called Roy’s number, but it went straight to voicemail. Dick sighed. Why was this so difficult? 

“Sorry, I was too tired last night.” Roy had replied in the morning with a heart emoji. 

Dick was surprised by the rapid flip of emotion in his chest. He was upset Roy was clearly lying to hide his trauma, but then he’d used a heart for the first time. Dick felt giddy as he sent one back. Why was this even something that made him smile? This was silly and shouldn’t… Roy was calling him. 

“Hello?” Dick picked up quickly. 

“Good morning.” Roy sounded exhausted, his voice rough and scratchy. 

“How are you? Are you ok?” Dick asked, letting his concerns as Robin slip through into their conversation. 

“Why wouldn’t I be, babe?” He could hear the forced smile in Roy’s voice. 

“You didn’t pick up my call last night.” Dick said  still worried. 

“I was just a little tired and didn’t want to drag you into anything uncomfortable.” Roy admitted. 

Dick felt his chest warm with fondness at Roy’s constant care of him and his boundaries. “Thank you. I was worried about you.” 

“Don’t worry. I’m fine.” Roy insisted. 

Dick had a sudden idea. “Can we video chat then? I know you wanted to before.” 

Roy hesitated. “I would, but I probably look horrible.” 

“Probably not.” Dick chuckled. 

Roy hesitated again. “I… I got into a fight last night. So I do look kinda rough.” 

“What!?” Dick had to act shocked. “What happened, do you need a doctor?”

Roy laughed. “No, I'm fine. Don’t even worry about it.” 

“What happened?” Dick asked again. 

“Just some pushy guys thinking they could get the best of me. Don’t worry, everything’s fine I promise.” Roy comforted.  

“Show me.” Dick demanded. 

“Jeeze. Ok.” The call switched to video and Dick took in the damage on Roy’s face. It wasn’t as bad as some of their other missions had left him before. A small scrape on his cheek and a muted bruise near his opposite eye was all that was visible. 

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Dick gave him a deeply concerned look.  

“Yeah but it’s nice to see your face this early. I think it’s healing me faster. That bed head of yours is cute.” Dick blushed trying to tame his unruly hair. “No, don’t.” Roy chuckled. “I like it. Let me imagine what you’d look like the morning after.” He smiled softly. Dick’s eyebrows rose and he couldn’t stop the blush creeping up in his cheeks. He bit his lip to keep from saying anything too crazy. “You like that idea don’t you?” Roy sighed, settling into his pillows more. “Yeah. You could be right here next to me with your hair all messed up like that.” 

Dick chuckled and hummed. “I’m sure that would be nice. How would I end up sleeping next to you though? It’s usually pretty hard for me to fall asleep, especially next to someone.” He grinned teasingly. 

Roy let out a soft sigh. “I’d make sure you were tired out enough to sleep, don’t you worry.” Dick wanted to continue his teasing, knowing full well what Roy was referring to, but Roy suddenly reversed the camera on the phone and showed his body, he was shirtless wearing only boxers and there was an obvious tent in them. “Look at what you do to me.” He reached his free hand slowly down his torso to rub against himself. “And this is just from talking to you and seeing your morning face.” 

Dick was captivated and turned recklessly suddenly. “Can I see it?” He held his breath waiting for Roy to pull aside the waistband and reveal himself. 

Roy simply switched the camera again, bringing the focus back onto his face alone. “Not till you’re here in person babe.” 

Dick was disappointed but also relieved. He couldn’t imagine what Speedy would say when it was revealed he was Robin and had seen everything. “Ok.” He smiled gently. “Can I at least see your face when you…” he opted to be coy and just imply what he wanted to happen rather than say it out loud. 

“Huh.” Roy smirked. “When I what?” 

Dick licked his lips. “You know.” 

“I do. But I just gotta hear you say it.” Roy urged. 

“Can I see your face when you get off for me?” Dick asked with bated breath.  

“I think I can make that happen.” Dick watched in fascination and couldn’t stop his own hand from grabbing at himself. “Are you just going to watch or are you going to join me?” Roy panted. Dick let his hand work over himself and let out a little moan. “Oh do that again baby, I’ll get there faster if I can hear you.” Dick moaned again softly and bit his lip for show. He watched Roy sit up and shift around. “I need lube, wait a sec.” The camera was left aiming at the ceiling for a second and Dick took the opportunity to grab his own lubricant, continuing his slow strokes on his hard shaft. Roy reappeared, sitting against his bed frame, his face and chest in view of the camera as he sighed and watched Dick’s face. “That’s better.” Dick could hear the faint sound of his hand sliding over himself and closed his eyes as he was hit with a wave of wanting. “I thought you wanted to see my face.” Roy’s voice was strained but still amused. 

Dick opened his eyes again and watched as Roy performed for him. The sound of his breath escaping his lungs and his hand’s fevered pace enchanted him. Roy’s face started to distort and his mouth opened wider. “Fuck, you make this so much better than when I’m alone.” 

Dick moaned a little, his own hand picking up speed. “Imagine how good it’ll be when I'm there with you.” 

Roy gasped and his face showed he was close. Roy's gaze grew intense and he stared into the camera as he released, moaning and gasping as he made eye contact. Dick couldn’t help but whine a little in return. “Your turn.” Roy laughed slightly, his eyes still intense and his chest rising and falling heavily. Dick couldn’t hold back and let go, his pleasure peaking and shooting out of him. “God Damn. How am I supposed to get anything done today now I’ve seen that.” Roy chuckled. “And I didn’t think you could get any more attractive.” 

Dick smiled at him and wet his lips, catching his breath still. “I’ll probably be picturing that multiple times today.”

“Good.” Roy laughed. “Let me know when you want to see it again.” He grinned. 

“I will, but maybe we should clean up and actually get out of bed.” Dick mused. 

“Probably.” Roy yawned. "Or I can just go back to sleep once I'm clean. My day is clearly not going to get better than that.” He smiled. 

“I’ve got gymnastics again today or I would.” Dick chuckled. “Talk to you later?”

“Definitely.” Roy winked before they said goodbye and hung up. Dick shook his head and felt his heart start to crash from its high. He couldn’t keep doing this to Roy. He needed an out. Maybe he’d start a college program and have to study a lot to avoid Roy. Maybe he'd apply for the Olympics, that would keep him busy. He sighed. Or he could just tell the truth.

Chapter Text

“Good work guys! See you tomorrow.” Robin approached Speedy that evening after they’d done team training together. It hadn’t gone without a few bumps, but Robin had recognized the team was tired and didn’t push them to get along. “Hey, you ok?” Speedy had seemed a little off since the last mission and so had Donna. Garth wasn’t back yet so Robin hadn’t been able to observe him. When he tried to talk to Donna she just said it wasn’t a good time and hid in her room. 

“I’m fine, why?” Speedy sounded suspicious. 

Robin tilted his head. “I just…Donna is acting strange and I thought maybe whatever you guys went through in that house…”

“Donna’s acting strange?” Speedy interrupted. “Think she needs someone to comfort her?” He grinned cockily. Robin frowned at him. “Yeah, yeah, save your lecture. I’ll shut up.”

“I just want to know if you’re ok.” Robin said truthfully. 

Roy sighed. “It was just a mind fuck that’s all.” Robin sat down next to him, waiting for him to continue. “The second we entered the house we were alone. The others disappeared. I was in a high school hallway with rows of lockers, but nowhere to go. These tall dark figures with creepy roots for feet and no faces, just glowing eyes appeared. I was sure I could just take them out, but they were invincible. All my attacks were reflected right back at me. No matter what I did, or who I called, I was alone. They shattered my bow and pinned me to the ground... I guess the girl had had problems with bullies and she had to take that out psychically on me. Eventually I was able to fend them off, once her powers were under control again.”

“Thanks to Garth.” Robin couldn't help but rub it in. 

Speedy scoffed. “Yeah, thanks to Fish-face.”

“Why are you so mean to him?” Robin huffed. 

“He’s just weird.” Roy shrugged. 

“Ok and?” Robin sighed. “Please try to be nicer, the team is already on shaky ground. I don’t need…”

Speedy cut him off. “Maybe you could be less overbearing and pushy. Then we might get along better don’t you think? Or maybe if we trusted you more we’d trust each other.”

“You’re right. I can do better.” Robin admitted. “But I can’t tell any of you who I am and you know that.”

Speedy shook his head. “Wow. That again? You’re more infuriating than my friend with benefits that wanted to stop having benefits, but then apparently didn’t want to stop, but couldn’t tell me why we needed to stop in the first place!”

“That sounds…complicated.” Robin cringed at his alter ego being brought up. 

“You’re telling me.” Speedy scoffed. “He does everything but in person physical sex and won’t tell me why it’s off limits. I know I’m not entitled to an explanation, no is no, blah blah blah, whatever, but he doesn’t even sound like he knows why he’s saying no. That’s the most frustrating thing! He has a “good reason” but then skirts closer and closer to…” Speedy growled. “Never mind.”

Robin nodded as though agreeing. “Would…would knowing the reason make things easier?”

“Honestly, no.” Speedy said. “I’d still be tortured by him. He’s like a drug.”

Dick didn’t want to be such a cause of pain for him, but he knew it was for the best not to go too far and not to tell him why. “Maybe you should take a break from him for a while?” Robin didn’t want to say it, but he knew he needed to. 

“Yeah. I should.” Speedy agreed. “I should be busy here anyway. We’ve got missions to complete.” He stood and walked off without another word. 

Robin sat and pondered what Roy’s excuse would be for them taking a break later. 

A few days passed and Roy hadn’t stopped talking to Dick. They still texted all day and all night. He wasn’t backing off or less flirty at all. Nothing new. When Garth rejoined the team Donna was seemingly back to her usual self. Dick noticed they’d disappear together into one of their rooms, but didn’t stop to ask questions. It was only a concern if they were affecting the team. He paused in his thoughts. Would that work for him though? Didn’t his place as leader hold a different power dynamic? Even if he wanted to engage in any sort of romantic activity with Speedy he feared it wouldn’t be ethical or fully reciprocated. Speedy hated him. There was no danger of their relationship continuing once Roy knew the truth. 

Robin was aware that his position on the team and his connection to Roy could very well thrust the team into chaos. 

Speaking of chaos… Robin looked at the poster hanging on the Titans board. Titans Con. There was an upcoming convention themed around them. He’d tried to convince his teammates not to go and simultaneously tried to convince Batman that they should go. But both of his pleas were rejected. 

…

More than what was planned had happened with the team going to Titan’s Con and finding out the fans weren’t as well behaved as they should be.  Bumblebee and Kid Flash had almost been unmasked by grabby fans, there had been pushing and shoving, inappropriate questions…chaos.  Robin hadn’t gone with them to the convention because Batman had specifically ordered him not to. Bruce was concerned about the situation possibly leading to his identity being revealed with so many members of the public and so many cameras there. Dick knew it was only out of concern for him and their mission that Bruce was like this, but he didn’t feel like Bruce understood his position in this at all. He finally managed to convince Bruce that he should go, only for the purpose of pulling the team out. Which is exactly what happened when he showed up. A supervillain named Toyboy, with powers to bring toys to life, had attacked at the con and Robin was just in time to help the team defeat him. He gathered up the others and left with them back to base once the assailant was in custody. 

“Go on, say it.” Speedy said harshly when he’d cornered Robin in the hangar bay after the others had gone into the lair. 

“Say what?” Robin backed off a little. 

“Say I told you so.” Speedy stepped closer again. “It was my idea to take the team to Titan’s Con, you’ve probably been itching to say it all day.”

“No.” Robin refused. “I’m not going to say it, because I’m sure you learned something from this experience.”

Speedy looked furious. “Oh, look at you being so mature and letting me learn my own lessons.” His voice went hushed and he stepped closer, mere inches away from Robin at this point. “Say it.” Robin swallowed, trying to keep a level head, but so many things were going on in his mind. Roy was so close he could kiss him. He was burning in anger, but his heart was beating in want. This situation could be an excellent time for Robin to initiate that hate fuck that Speedy had teased about before. But then again, his annoyance and desire to shove him away were also building up as Speedy spoke. “Say I told you so, Robin. What are you waiting for? Tell me all the things I did wrong.”

Robin huffed. “Why? You have a degradation kink or what?” He wanted to smirk at Speedy’s sudden look of shock. “Don’t come to me for punishment if you already know you’re wrong.” Speedy didn’t budge as Robin stormed past him. He definitely needed a break from him in more ways than one. He sent a text to Roy later that night. “Hey, I’m going out of town with Bruce. I might not have service or spare time though, so I probably won’t be available to talk at all for a couple weeks.”

“Bummer, just when I need your advice.” Roy answered. 

“About what?” Dick was hoping this wasn’t about earlier. 

“My boss I told you about.” Roy confirmed. 

Damn. It was about earlier. “What happened?” He typed, willing himself to be nice. 

“I messed up on a project. It caused a problem for the whole team so I feel like an idiot and he’s just there.” Roy was still typing and Dick waited on edge. “I thought he’d be mad like he was before when I did “dumb things” according to him, but he kinda just let me eat it this time and didn’t come after me.”

“Did you want him to?” Dick asked, confused. “I thought you didn’t like when he was a jerk?”

“Yeah well, it almost feels like he’s given up at this point. Like all he expects from me is failure.” Roy admitted. 

Oh. Dick tried to think of a way to assure Roy that it wasn’t true. “Maybe you just need a vacation and everything will be fine afterward?” He suggested. 

“I had a coworker invite me to hangout next weekend in their home city. Maybe I’ll go out there after all. Since you’re going to be gone, I’ll have no one to talk to.” Roy said. 

Dick knew about Wally inviting Roy and Garth over for the weekend. Wally had told Dick his plan to get the two teammates to get along better by inviting them over and letting them get to know each other outside Titan’s missions. Dick had wished Wally luck and declined the offer Wally had made to invite him as well. “You could show up under an alias and no one would know who you were. I could say you’re a friend of mine.” Wally had offered. Wally and Garth might not recognize him out of costume, but Roy definitely would. 

“No, I can’t do that, but thank you Wall.” Dick had smiled and patted him on the shoulder before leaving. Now Dick sat contemplating whether cutting off communication with Roy for that weekend would be a good idea. Being forced into proximity with Garth might be an annoyance for Roy that would lead him to want a distraction. 

 “I guess it’ll be nice to get away. Don’t be too lonely without me on your trip with Bruce.” Roy teased. 

“I’ll try not to be.” Dick answered before putting down his phone. Time to be Robin this week and not talk to Roy as Dick at all. It might give him time to figure out what to do about his situation. How could he assure Speedy he didn’t think of him as a failure?

The week passed mostly uneventfully. A few minor missions and investigations. Robin was busy trying to track down Toyboy who had escaped police custody, with officers killed in the process. It didn’t seem like it was his style, or that cause of death aligned with his powers. Who could be responsible? The investigation was keeping himself distracted from his feelings and the building tension between him and Roy. The compulsion to text Roy or suggest a call was annoyingly prevalent every day. He’d tried to get closer to Speedy as Robin, but he was being stonewalled still. 

By the time Friday morning came, Dick was going crazy with his thoughts about Roy. It was like he was having withdrawals from him. He’d been so good at minimal texting. The “Having fun?” “Yep!” Kind of texting. He glared at his phone on his bedside table as he dried off after showering. It was like the device had him on a leash. Like he needed to check for a message every few minutes and even had to erase multiple that he’d typed out before he could send them. Early in the week it hadn’t been this bad, but now… He’d tried to get rid of his urges in the shower, but nothing had worked. He looked at his phone again. He couldn’t… but it was right there. Roy was just a message away. Dick lay on the bed, using his towel to barely cover his lower region. He missed Roy’s reactions to him and needed to be seen by him. He angled his phone above his head to capture his entire body in the shot. He looked at the photo. Everything important was covered, but he was showing off a lot of himself. He typed out some words to go along with it. “Back in Gotham for a day before we leave again.” It was technically true. He was in Gotham but would be leaving to be Robin again at Titan’s Lair. He’d been so distracted and caught up with thoughts of Roy he hadn’t noticed he’d actually sent the message and picture. He only realized he’d been on autopilot and hit send when a reply came through. 

“Damn, you can’t just send a man something like that this early in the morning with no warning. Fuck.” Dick felt embarrassed and elated. So much for taking a break. “Please let me see you in person today. I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”

He could afford one last make out before a real break, Dick decided. “Deal.” 

…

“I’m not… going to be around… much starting tomorrow.” Dick said between kisses as Roy hungrily took over his mouth. 

“That’s why I’m making sure you won’t forget me.” Roy said, pulling away from kissing and tapping his finger on the mark he’d newly added below Dick’s collar. Dick had worn a loose v-neck shirt in hopes of Roy leaving another hickey on him like before. “You were gone forever.” 

Dick giggled. “Only five days.” 

“Forever.” Roy said, kissing him again. 

They were on a park bench with Dick in Roy’s lap. Dick had been confident nothing too serious could happen out in public and so far he was right. “I’ll only be gone for a while. Besides, I think it might be good for us to disconnect for a little bit.”

Roy pulled away again. “You’re not having second thoughts about all this are you? Why would you send me that pic this morning if you wanted space?” 

Dick felt the punch of reality right to his gut. “I said it might be good for us to have a break, not that it would be permanent.” He smiled softly. 

“You better come back to me.” Roy nudged his face into Dick’s neck. 

Dick smiled and held onto him. This would be the last time for a while. He needed to focus on being Robin. He needed to distance himself from Roy physically. “I’ll come back.” He promised, but didn’t promise anything physical in advance this time. 

“Good.” Roy tightened his hold on him. 

“Are you still going to your coworker’s home for the weekend?” Dick asked.

“Yeah. I won’t have you, so I might as well be social.” Roy grumbled. 

“Well I hope you have fun.” Dick wished sincerely. It would be nice if Roy and Garth could get along better as a result of Wally’s plan, but he held doubt in the back of his mind.  Saying goodbye took forever. Dick couldn’t help but feel depressed as he finally parted ways with Roy. 

“No kiss goodbye?” Roy teasingly called after him. 

“We did that already.” Dick called back with a laugh. 

They texted that night, but nothing explicit. Just normal talk as though everything was back to being platonic. Dick took that as a good sign as he was able to sleep that night without worry. 

When the weekend finally came to an end, Dick was actually enjoying the peace. With Roy, Wally, and Garth gone, Karen spending more time with her new friend Mal, and Donna off on her adventures again, he was having a mostly quiet break. Making out with Roy one last time had helped him with his resolve to focus. He got up from the computer and stretched before he took a walk around the base. He spotted Donna in Garth’s room, sitting in front of his fish tank, staring moodily into it.  “They’ll only do tricks for Aqualad, you know.” Robin joked upon entering. “How long have you been sitting in his room in the dark? I thought you went bull riding at the rodeo.” 

“I did. Everyone started booing after the bull passed out from fatigue.” She said morosely. 

“How did Garth do?” Robin asked, wondering if he could get her to talk about what was going on between them. 

“He didn’t want to go as usual. He doesn't like to do anything fun, but he won’t own up to it, which just makes it worse. I don’t know what he wants. He won’t say. I don’t think he knows what he wants.” She stood, her tone frustrated. “Except to not call me all weekend.” 

“I think he’s at Wally’s house.” Robin admitted. 

“And they don’t have a phone?” She asked harshly, leading him from the room. 

“How can I help?” Robin asked, wanting to avoid hurt feelings on the team. 

“Tell me if I’m doing something wrong! He’s avoiding me. I thought he and I were really connecting!” She sounded angry and sad all at once. 

“And you were. As far as backgrounds go, you two have tons in common. But that’s not enough. I can barely tolerate Speedy, and his mentor is a carbon copy of mine.” He joked. 

“Ha!” She laughed. “Roy is…a lot. But cheer up. Kid Flash worships you.” She smiled. 

“You think?” Robin had noticed. 

“Wally bounces around like a Labrador retriever. You’re who he wants to be.” She said sympathetically. 

“Yeah, well, he also wants us all to be best buddies but lately…” Robin paused. “I don’t know. Batman still doesn’t understand what we do. He keeps trying to get me to leave the Titans. If he put me under any more pressure, I’d be a diamond.” He looked up as their social media manager came around the corner. “Charley? What’s up?”

“Hey boss man! Sorry to interrupt, but we’ve got a situation outside of Washington DC!”

Bumblebee and her new friend Mal Duncan were under attack by a villain called Ant. Robin had sent out the alert to the group and taken off with Donna to assist. "Why didn't she call for help?" Robin wondered aloud. 

“Robin, we’re on our way, but we can’t find Roy!” Garth had radioed over comms. 

“I thought he was with you guys!” Robin was not happy to be down one on their team. 

“He was, but he disappeared.” Wally said, sounding panicked. 

“Just get here fast!” Robin ordered. He’d worry about Roy later. Donna had gotten her lasso around Ant, immobilizing him. While they had focused on the first assailant, the missing Toyboy had shown up. Kid Flash and Aqualad arrived and tried to coordinate, but it was clear that everything was breaking down. Bumblebee was injured and Mal, now dressed in Guardian armor, was trying to get her away from the fight. “Mal is it? You’ve got a shield! Make yourself useful!” Robin tried to direct him to help. 

“How?” He argued back. “I don’t speak superhero dude! I’ve got no clue what’s going on!” He dragged Karen away from the fight instead.

Donna’s frustration at Garth caused her to go in alone against a giant dragon created by Toyboy.  “Kid Flash, I need you to find Toyboy!” Robin yelled. 

“In a second!” Kid zoomed past. 

“No now!” Robin could only watch helplessly as Wally had tried to help defeat the dragon, going against Robin’s orders to capture Toyboy himself. He’d most likely been trying to prove himself, but he’d been caught in Wonder Girl’s attack, ending up injuring his leg, which rendered him unable to help in the fight. Robin dropped down beside him. “Let me see that.”  

Kid flinched away. “It’ll heal super fast…I’ll be okay in a second…” Wally stammered. 

Nothing was going right, the team was losing, people around them were in danger, Roy was missing, Wally and Karen were injured, and Robin lost it. “WE DON’T HAVE A SECOND! Dammit why didn’t you listen to me?! Stop acting like a dumb kid and grow the hell up!” The look on Wally’s face was definitely going to haunt him. Garth rushed to Wally’s side to comfort him. Toyboy had focused another attack on Mal as he’d tried to get Bumblebee to safety and Robin turned to fight him off, only to see him knocked aside by Speedy’s attack. 

“Speedy! I knew you’d come!” Aqualad exclaimed. 

“You don’t know me at all! Either of you! You think you’re so much better than me? Well who’s saving the day now?” Speedy exclaimed, aiming an arrow at the giant toy dragon. Before he could release it, another arrow whizzed towards him, breaking his bowstring and embedding itself in his gloved wrist. Another opponent, Artemis had shown up and actively went after the other archer. Robin could only watch as his whole team was getting destroyed by the gathering enemies. Ant had gotten loose from Wonder Girl’s lasso and joined the fight again, tearing Aqualad away from Kid Flash. Before Robin could act, he too was taken out by none other than Haywire. A former Titan recruit that had been kicked out when he’d gone too far during tryouts and tried to steal hacked data for his own gain. 

“Long time no see.” The man snarled. “Here’s the thing about me. I never forgive and I never forget. You made a fool out of me back in the day. So I formed my own team of heroes.” The former recruit gloated down at him. 

“Hh…Hay…Haywire?” Robin struggled to speak after being electrocuted by Haywire’s power suit. 

“Don’t worry we’re leaving… for now. I’ve decided we’re not going to murder you or anything, though we could. Maybe next time. No, today the Terror Titans are about humiliation. I’m sorry, #humiliation.” Haywire sneered. “Today I wanted the whole world to see what losers the Teen Titans really are. Mission accomplished”

They were fortunate to have been left alive, but definitely had not been left unscathed. Robin sat with Charley after they’d gotten back to base. Their fight had been recorded and streamed by drones, but not Speedy’s drones this time. Apparently Haywire had taken his idea and used it to show the world that the Titans could be defeated. “I’ve been trying to scrub it from the web, but the wave’s unstoppable. Millions of people have already seen the footage.” Charley informed him. 

Robin sighed deeply. “We looked ridiculous out there! Like amateurs! Maybe we deserve this.” He sulked. After all, the whole team had been fraying and falling apart for a while and he’d done nothing to stop it. He’d been selfish, wrapped up in his own head and drama with Roy. When was the last time he even spoke to the others besides consoling Donna earlier that day? Robin walked morosely down the hall to where the team was waiting for him. He paused, listening to them argue. The drama between him and Speedy seemed to pale in comparison to whatever was happening in the common room right now. Apparently Roy had overheard Wally and Garth talking about him behind his back at Wally’s house, and was blowing up at them for it. Donna jumped in to yell at him and then at Garth when he tried to calm them down. Then Karen and Wally started yelling at each other about Mal, and Robin couldn’t stand it. He had to step in and mediate. 

“What were you thinking anyway?!” Kid Flash yelled at Bumblebee for bringing in an outsider and not calling for help sooner. Mal had not signed up to be a hero, nor had he wanted to take over the mantle of Guardian. She had taken the shield from the Titans Base and given it to him that day. 

“Wally, we’re all mad. Don’t take your anger out on Karen.” Robin warned, stepping into the common area. 

“What do you want from me? I’m just a dumb kid, remember?” Wally sneered. 

“Hey, I…” Robin started, only to be interrupted by Speedy. 

“How ‘bout that? We finally agree on something!” Roy scoffed. “You are a child. No. Worse. You’re an idiot. I live in a mansion! You and waterboy think your lives are so much cooler than that?”

“We never said that!” Wally defended. 

Garth spoke up. “Roy, I do sense some emptiness inside you…” Apparently Wally and Garth had been discussing how lonely Roy was and that had been a personal offense that pissed Roy off. 

“SHUT UP!” Roy yelled at him. “You don’t know me!” 

“Fine.” Garth said, giving up. 

“There you go! Back down from a fight, as usual! That how you’re gonna act when somebody tries to take your girl away?” Roy goaded. 

“How dare you? I’m not anybody’s “girl,” you pig!” Donna had jumped in now. 

Dick had been pinching the bridge of his nose to stay calm and hope everyone would settle down. But now he couldn’t stand it. “ENOUGH!” He stepped in again. “Enough. We can fix all this. Trust me. We all just need to cool down. Ultimately this is on me as team leader.” 

Roy squared up to him. “You got that right.”

“Didn’t I just say…” Dick tried to snap back. 

“And that’s the big thing, really. Why are you leader, Batboy?” Speedy growled. “Why is some guy with a batarang bossing around people with actual superpowers?” He gestured to the others. 

“Trust me, you always say. And yet here we are.” Donna snarked angrily. 

“Trust me. Trust me.” Wally mocked. 

“You ask for total trust, but you don’t trust us.” Garth jumped in. 

Speedy stepped closer. “Roy. Karen. Garth. Wally. Donna. You? Unknown.” He pushed a finger into Dick’s chest for emphasis. 

“Careful.” Dick growled in warning. He wasn’t opposed to blows if Speedy started something. 

“We’re open with each other! You won’t stop hiding behind a mask on the orders of the big bad Batman!” Speedy prodded him again. 

Karen nodded. “He’s right. It’s no surprise we fell apart out there. We’ve been fraying for weeks. You want us to keep functioning as a team, you have to be honest with us.” Her sincere tone and the look on her face made Robin’s heart sink.

Robin glanced around at his team. Everything had led to this moment. He knew what he should do. He turned away taking a few steps to distance himself from the team. “I…I can’t…I can’t disagree with that. Not anymore.” He turned back to them, reached up and disengaged his mask, removing it from his face. “My name is Dick Grayson. And I have a plan to beat Haywire and his Terror Titans. Who’s with me?” He’d done it. He’d gone against Batman and revealed his true identity to the team. He was putting his trust in them and showing he was in fact one of them. Amongst the excitement from the team, he glanced at Speedy, expecting to see him blow up in anger, but his face was stunned and he was silent. Silence was never a good thing from Roy. The others all swarmed him with support and questions, but Speedy just turned and left, heading towards his room. Dick delayed for as long as he could, answering queries about himself and getting to know the team as Dick Grayson. He apologized to Wally for his comments on the battlefield and made sure the team’s injuries were being treated properly. Eventually he decided he had stalled enough. “I want you all to rest and recover for now. I have a plan, but it can wait until we’re at a hundred percent again.” He dismissed the team and made his way toward Roy’s room. Every step felt like a funeral march and he was trying to prepare for the worst. Dick stood outside Speedy’s door trying to calm himself. He kept his mask off, tucking it into one of the pouches on his belt. He needed to do this as Dick Grayson. He didn’t need to hide anymore. He knocked, waiting for a reply. 

“Come in.” Roy called from within his room. He was sitting in a chair at his desk, mask off, seemingly taking inventory of his arrows. Roy looked up and nodded once. “What’s up?” He asked, going right back to his work. 

This was not what Dick had expected. “I thought you’d be mad.” Dick said moving into the room, the door shutting behind him. He didn’t want the others to have a front row seat to this discussion. Especially if it became a fight. 

“I was at first.” Roy wouldn’t look at him. “Furious in fact. I was mad at you for keeping your identity from me, but then I was mad at myself for not seeing it. I mean, come on! How many ex-circus guys with gorgeous bodies, black hair, and pouty lips do I meet every day? So yeah, I was mad, but now I’m almost impressed at your ability to lie.” Roy scoffed, his voice cold and harsh. 

“I never lied about who I was.” Dick defended. 

“You omitted the truth.” Roy glared up at him from his chair. “That’s lying. You told a lot of other lies too.”

Dick sighed. “Ok, fine. I’m sorry for lying.”

“What was that birdboy?” Roy turned his body to face Dick, his injured wrist wrapped up and resting in his lap. This was all Dick’s fault. 

“I said I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kept my identity a secret for so long.” He admitted. 

“You’re damn right!” Roy pointed at him using the arrow in his good hand. “You definitely shouldn’t have used your secret identity to seduce me you fucking prick!”

“Excuse me?” Dick scoffed. “I seduced you? Who was pulling who into the hallway and pinning me against the wall to make out that first night? Who was the one sending me pics and wanting a reply first?”

Roy’s mouth opened and closed again. The arrow bobbing in his hand. “Ok you have a point, but you could’ve said no. You didn’t have to act like you liked it just to fuck with my head like this. There were other ways to humble me other than that.”

Oh. Dick realized Roy must’ve thought it was all an act to get payback for his attitude. To humiliate him. He had to admit it may have started that way a bit, but it certainly didn’t end that way. “Who said I was acting?” Dick smirked playfully, hoping he would take the hint. 

Roy raised an eyebrow and tossed the arrow onto the desk. “So if you really did like it, why did you always say we should stop? Why did you avoid me?”

“Roy. I didn’t want to go too far when you didn’t know I was Robin. I didn’t want to betray you like that!” Dick informed him desperately. 

“Oh but becoming my closest friend was fine!? All the kissing and grinding was ok with you? Sending me pictures of you was…and all the nights on the phone...Dammit.” He paused, angrily taking off his hat and tossing it onto the desk, fingers raking through his hair. “I see….You just figured a little betrayal was better than a lot of betrayal?” Roy fixed a harsh stare into his eyes. 

“Yes.” Dick flushed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Oh you’re not special enough to hurt me Robin. I was just played for weeks by a boy with pretty eyes that I couldn’t get enough of and made me want to jack off all day, only to find out he’s my uptight lying boss who never wanted me in the first place! That he just wanted to laugh at me behind my back! No, not hurtful at all!” Roy complained, sounding rightfully furious. 

Even so, Dick grew annoyed that Speedy still didn’t understand him. “I said I’m sorry and I didn’t mean…”

“That’s the problem though!” Roy’s fist slammed on the desk, rattling the arrows as he stood up. “You didn’t mean it! You didn’t mean anything!” With Roy’s mask off, Dick could see his eyes watering. 

Dick’s heart was racing as they stood face to face.  Had Roy actually fallen for him? That couldn’t be right. He was the one adamant on not being in a relationship. “You’re the one who told me you wanted things to be casual! No strings attached!” He reminded him. 

“I meant it.” Roy scoffed. “And I still do.”

Dick was stunned. “What?” He thought for sure Speedy’s hatred of Robin would keep him from ever wanting to engage again.  

“I still want to fool around, but knowing the all important 'team dynamics' you preach, it’s probably not appropriate for us to do anymore. Right?” He rolled his eyes, looking away. “At least that’s what you’re going to say isn't it?”

Dick took a deep breath. “You’re probably right about it being inappropriate for me as leader to have sex with a member of the team, but I would like to continue what we had before.”

Roy scowled at him. “So what? You’ll lock lips with me at fancy galas and ignore me in costume? Is that going to be your solution? Dick and Roy are making out, but Robin and Speedy aren’t?” Dick knew that was probably the best decision, but he gave into his desires instead. Stepping forward quickly, he locked a gloved hand behind Roy’s head and pulled him into a bruising kiss. Roy’s hands immediately pulled their bodies together as the kiss deepened. Dick shed his utility belt and cape, tossing them over the chair Roy abandoned. Roy’s own belt joined it as he grabbed Dick’s waist, pushing him backwards onto his bed. Roy fell forward, pinning Dick’s wrists together above his head with his good hand, and thrusting their hips together. Dick’s mouth fell open and his eyelids fluttered shut as Roy created more friction between them. “Let me see those pretty eyes Robin.” Roy panted. Dick complied and looked up at him, watching Roy bite his bottom lip. “If I had known you looked like this without your mask I would’ve tried harder to get you out of it.” He laughed, slowing his pace. “That begs the question of what you look like without the rest of the costume.” Roy hummed. “Oh wait, I kinda know from those photos you sent.” 

Dick felt the twinge of regret and fear again. “Probably not a good idea right now though.” He managed to say between heavy breaths. 

Roy’s motions stopped. He looked away and rolled off of him. “Let me guess. Because of the team? Because you don’t want to be involved with a teammate?”

“I...” Dick started. 

“Newsflash dumbass, fucking doesn’t mean we’re dating. I can fuck you and not get attached or develop feelings. Sorry if you’re not the same way.” He scoffed, sitting up. 

So Roy hadn’t fallen for him? Dick took a minute to catalog what he felt. He definitely had a deep comradery and connection with Roy as a teammate and friend, something deeper nagged at his heart, but he didn’t feel like there was anything truly there as far as a romantic future. After all, his actions and imagination had been purely for physical pleasure, right? Roy had always said he had issues with commitment so he’d never pictured any long term plans for dating. “I never said I was attached.” 

Roy glanced over his shoulder at him. “Then what’s the problem?”

Dick wasn’t sure. “Can we wait till after we defeat the Terror Titans?” That would give him time to stall.

Roy smirked. “Ah. Gotta keep that edge till you beat someone up?” He chuckled. “I get it. I’ll see you after we kick their asses then.”

“Alright.” Dick nodded, sitting up. 

“Oh, one more thing before I kick you out.” Roy said before standing in front of him. “Show me the mark I left on you the last time we were together.”

Dick froze. “What?”

“I want to make sure you are the same Dick Grayson I’ve been meeting up with. Or if you’re lying to me still.” Roy smirked. 

“Fine.” He undid the top of his uniform, pulling it away from his skin and showing Roy the fading hickey he’d given him near his collarbone. 

Roy’s fingers reached out and traced it gently. “Do you think of me when you see it?”

“Yes.” Dick confirmed. 

Roy stepped back, looking into his eyes for a moment too long. “Damn. Why did it have to be you?” Dick didn’t know what to say, or if he should say anything. “Get out.” Roy ordered finally. 

Dick nodded and replaced his uniform before retrieving his cape and belt, leaving Roy’s room. 

He sighed heavily once in his own quarters, staring at his mirror after splashing cold water on his face. This was all new territory and he couldn’t ask Bruce for advice. As much as he wanted to talk to him and valued his input, he didn’t exactly want to tell him the extent of his and Roy’s relationship. He was already going to be mad about the identity reveal, he didn’t need to add he might be fucking a teammate who now knew who he was, and interacted with him outside of hero duties.

A light knock sounded before his door opened. “Robin?” It was Donna. 

“I’m here.” He moved out of the bathroom to the main room. 

She approached him and asked. “Is everything alright?” 

He nodded. “It’ll be ok I suppose.” Everything seemed crazy at the moment with revealing his secret identity to the team and his interactions with Roy, but things had to calm down eventually. 

“I know you didn’t want to show who you were to the team, but if it makes you feel better they’re all encouraged by it. It’s like they have a new energy and are ready to work together again.” She paused, smiling. “We trust you fully now.”

Dick needed to hear that at that moment and hugged her. “Thank you Donna.” 

She hugged him back, holding on tightly. “I’m inspired by you Robin.” She smiled, pulling away. “You know the risks and yet you take them. I’m all for being part of the action, but the way you can coordinate and mitigate damage is extraordinary.”

He blushed at the compliment. “Donna if you’re trying to comfort me because I might need to give up being Robin now…”

She stepped forward covering his mouth. “No, you shush. I’m just saying what’s true. Regardless of what happens, we’re all behind you.” 

Her hand dropped away and he nodded. “Thank you.” He paused for a while and finally said. “I trust all of you with my life. I do feel like I can guide you and hopefully take guidance. I hope I can come to you when I need advice.”

“And what would you need advice on?” She joked. 

“I actually could use a second opinion on a situation.” He hesitated to say exactly what was going on. Maybe he could ask without really asking. “Let’s say Batman becomes leader of the Justice League and was in an…intimate arrangement with someone else on the team. Nothing too deep, just kissing, or making out, or whatever, but they wanted to go further. Would it be wrong for him to sleep with someone under his leadership on the team?”

She squinted at him. “Batman makes out with other Justice League members?”

“It’s just a hypothetical.” He blushed, not wanting to say the actual truth. “If Batman was kissing another member for fun and not commitment would it be wrong to continue that and just use that person for sex even if he was their leader?”

She crossed her arms. “And does the other person feel used or like he should be committed to them?”

“No.” He shook his head. 

“Then I don’t see any problem.” She pushed a finger to his chest. “But Batman better be careful with using his authority to pressure said leaguer into anything.”

“Not gonna happen.” Robin shook his head. 

“As long as Batman thinks he can keep being a good teammate, I don’t think it matters what he does with whoever he wants. I think Batman can take care of himself and his team. And I know Wonder Woman trusts him.” She tapped a finger to the tip of his nose. 

Dick nodded and smiled. “And if Wonder Woman ever needed advice, I’m sure Batman would be there.” He smiled softly knowing she’d caught onto his metaphor. 

“So which leaguer is Batman making out with?” She teased. “Superman? A lantern? Green Arrow ?” She grinned wickedly at the last one, heavily implying that she suspected that him and Roy were the ones in said arrangement. 

He looked up at her with a sigh. “Why would you think it could be Arrow?”

She gave him a pointed look. “Oh just the way there’s a lot of tension between them. The arguments and the constant competition. Maybe even the fact that the question of whether the mask stays on during sex came up once before.”

“Right.” He cleared his throat. “Well. Do you still think it could remain casual and not affect the team if things got into more serious territory?”

“I do.” She confirmed. “Garth and I have run into some hiccups recently, but we were working together well on the team before. And we were actually…” 

“Donna, I don't need to know!” He interrupted quickly. 

“Noted.”  She smirked. “I’m sure casual hookups won’t be a problem unless you let them be a problem. Like when Garth stopped speaking to me.” She frowned. “I’m going to talk with him about it, don’t worry.” She added quickly. 

“I suppose you’re right.” Dick nodded. He needed to be sure his communication was stronger with Roy.

“So is he a good kisser?” She giggled at his reddened face. “Are you going to do more?” 

“Donna.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Please don’t say anything about this.” 

She hummed. “Now why would I say anything? I want you two to stop arguing. If I said anything it’d probably make you argue more.” She grinned and leaned in to whisper. “But if you both get laid it might stop the fighting between you.” She laughed at his obvious distress. 

“Donna! I don’t think that’s going to happen any time soon or at all ok?” He dismissed the hopeful notion in his brain. 

“Then why are you asking me if sleeping with him would wreck the team or not?” She snorted. “You’re going to, and it’s not going to ruin anything, ok?” It sounded almost like an order. 

He shared a laugh with her and shook his head. “I’m sure you’d be the first to know if anything changes between us.”

She snorted. “Wouldn’t he be the first to know? Please don’t call me and tell me before you jump on him.”

“Donna!” He couldn’t hold back an amused smile. They ended up in a fit of laughter and she put her arm around him. “Listen, all teasing aside. You’re going to have to make a decision for yourself. Not for us.” 

He shrugged. “It’s not like it’ll matter anyway once Batman finds out that I revealed my identity to you guys I’ll just probably be fired as Robin anyway.” 

“And like I said before, we’re behind you no matter what happens. Besides, if you’re not Robin you’ll have more time for Roy!” She swooped in and kissed his cheek. “Good luck!” She winked as she left. He sighed and smiled before letting it fade. His discussion with Roy had left him hopeful, but wary of the existing animosity between them. He would stay away from Roy  for now and let him be the one to approach any subject that involved them. 

…

Robin worked on his plan to defeat Haywire and the Terror Titans, making sure it was perfect before presenting it to the team. The team had been recovering quickly, bolstered by their newfound trust in each other. Speedy had been the only one still distant with Robin and Dick didn’t blame him. He gave him space and was determined to let Roy come to him when he was ready. 

“How’s your wrist?” Garth approached Speedy carefully. 

“A lot better, Luckily my glove slowed down the arrow and it was only superficial.” Speedy said. Not a hint of his usual disdain for the Atlantean. Robin smiled softly. Wally and Garth had explained their point of view and how they weren’t bragging about their lives being better when they said Roy was lonely, or that his emptiness was causing him to lash out at others. They just wanted to know how to help him and were trying to be good friends. Robin continued to watch the team  get along and repair their connections. He should have been facilitating this kind of atmosphere from the start. 

When they’d sufficiently recovered he stood before them. “Okay, listen up. Here’s what we’re going to do. Kid Flash, you and Bumblebee are key. Bee, if you have any extra suits, Wally will need the armor.”

“On it.” She affirmed. 

“Speedy I need you to make a call, and an ask. Are we good?” He turned to look at Roy. 

“You stepped up, I will too. Whatever you need dude.” Roy was softer, and more cooperative than Dick had ever seen him. 

“Aqualad, Wonder Girl, you don’t wear masks, which is perfect. The plan is this…” He had briefed the team and set their plan into motion. Roy had enlisted Oliver to be a decoy hostage, drawing out the Terror Titans to “save” him. Knowing Haywire’s motives, a normal civilian might not bring them all out together, but rescuing a billionaire would definitely tempt the Terror Titans out into the open. It would give them the exposure and reward they wanted. Donna and Garth had dressed as police officers to get close to the action without being spotted. They were able to report when Haywire and his full team showed up. Their fake villain was Wally in a disguise engineered by Bumblebee. The second that Artemis fired an arrow at him he left the fake suit empty, zipping around and knocking the bogus Titans off balance in preparation for the others to swoop in. “Kid Flash! Not so fast!” Robin called. “Save some for the rest of us. Titans remember your moves! Go!”

In perfect unison and in flawless teamwork the Titans picked off each opponent together, using their weaknesses against them. Robin confronted Haywire, throwing a punch at his face.  “Well, aren't you clever with your little setup?” Haywire dodged. “So what? Fry.” He grabbed Robin’s wrist and attempted to electrocute him. It didn’t work. 

Robin smirked and punched him in the jaw. “Insulated gloves man. I mean come on.”

Haywire turned tail and took off into a nearby building. “I don’t know how you bought off a billionaire to pull off your little masquerade party, but you’re still pathetic!” He shouted. 

“Says the guy who's running away.” Robin scoffed, following him. 

“I prefer ‘luring you away’. Unless you’re not brave enough to go one on one without your little helper friends.” Haywire taunted as he ran down the narrow hallway. 

Robin took a batarang and threw it, knocking out the row of lights in the hallway. “Piss me off. Great strategy.” He said as the hallway plunged into darkness. 

“You talk a big game Robin, but you and your friends? You’re weak and you know it. If you really want to make this world a better place, you’ve got to be willing to get your hands dirty. The only way to fight bad guys is to be badder.” Haywire growled, spinning around in the dark, trying to spot him. 

“Is a guy who freed Toyboy by murdering a couple of highway patrolmen honestly lecturing me about morality?” Robin scoffed. “Or is that part of some upcoming ‘breaking eggs to make an omelet’ rant? You killed once and you’ll do it again. Man, you are nine kinds of screwed up.” Robin taunted. 

“Say that to my face, coward!” Haywire looked around in the darkness. 

Dick had stealthily gotten close enough to him and landed a punch straight to his cheek. “Nine, maybe ten. I pity you. You’re good in the field. You could’ve been one of us. I do believe that somewhere deep down inside you is somebody who wants to fight for justice.” Robin landed a kick to his chest, driving him back. “But the ‘end always justifies the means’ crap is your Achilles’ heel.” Dick landed another punch, only to be forced backwards by electricity from Haywire. Robin fell back and noticed the emergency fire hose for the building. 

“My ways work! Hell, last time we beat you like a rug!” Haywire exclaimed. 

Robin turned on the hose and drove Haywire back before he could engage his lightning again. “You didn’t win, you jerk. We beat ourselves. There’s a difference.” Robin kept the pressure of the hose going, making sure Haywire was pinned, and shorting out his power suit. “But we will never lose to your stupid ‘Terror Titans’ again. Know why? Because you guys are a mob. We’re a team.”

Dick trusted his team to deal with the others and he saw that trust fulfilled as all of the Terror Titans were captured. Kid Flash was practically bouncing as they were loaded into a police van. “Can I say it? I always wanted to say it!”

Speedy grinned and took out his phone, recording Wally. “Live your best life, twinkletoes.” 

“Okay!” Wally said excitedly. “Take ‘em away boys!” He gestured to the criminals and smiled widely. 

“Okay, that felt awesome. I only wish Mal had been here.” Bumblebee said. 

“Patience Bee, if anyone can talk your guy into being a full time superhero it’s you.” Speedy smirked. “I only wish more people coulda seen us ground and pound those doofuses.” 

“Who says they didn’t?” Robin asked, recalling a drone from the sky. 

“No way. You? You filmed the fight this time?” Wally asked. “You?”

Robin smirked. “#titanspride. Charley, how many views on the live feed?” He asked over comms. 

“4.7 Mil boss man. And counting.” Charley answered back. 

Robin switched off the drone and turned to the team. “Thank you. All of you.”

“For what?” Speedy asked. 

“For trusting me. One last time.” He smiled gratefully. 

“Last?” Aqualad inquired. 

“I have to let Batman know I unmasked. I swore to him I’d always keep our identities secret.” Robin said soberly. 

“We would never tell! We have a pact!” Bumblebee stepped in, placing her hand on his shoulder. 

“That’s not the point. A promise is a promise. I’m pretty sure that tomorrow, there’s not going to be a Robin.” He knew he deserved to lose his title for breaking his oath. 

“No! Let us talk to him.” She urged. 

“I appreciate that, but he’s not going to listen. Batman’s whole existence is built on vows. They’re everything to him. I have to go, but one last thing. Wally?” He moved toward the speedster. “Remember something. You are the youngest, but your name is Kid Flash, not Kid Brother. As far as this team goes, you don’t need anyone’s approval, not for anything. You’re an equal. I felt lucky to be your friend.”

“I…” Wally was tearing up. “Don’t do this.” 

“That goes for all of you. I’m sorry I had to unmask to win you all over. And if I had to do it all over again…” Donna swooped in hugging him suddenly. “I would.” The team was clearly devastated he was leaving. Speedy was the only one that wouldn’t look at him. “Good luck” 

He said, leaving the battlefield and heading to the Batcave. 

…

He presented the series of events to Batman and waited for his backlash. 

“You made a unilateral decision.” Batman said accusingly. 

“Because I knew you wouldn’t approve.” Robin countered boldly. 

“And you honestly think a bunch of children will be able to keep a secret like this?” Batman interrogated. 

Dick’s anger stirred. “With respect, my friends are teenagers, not “children”. Also with respect, you don’t know the first thing about being a teenager. But yes. I do.” He confirmed harshly. “They and I both fully understand the gravity of my actions. I assume I’m fired.” He waited for the inevitable. 

Batman stared him down before turning away. “One month without the uniform.”

Dick was dumbfounded. “That’s it?”

“The choice you made. To unmask. Did it save lives?” Batman asked, typing away on the Batcomputer. 

“Yes.” Robin confirmed. 

“Will you do it again?” Batman inquired. 

“Not without talking to you first.” He assured. 

“Then one month.” Batman ordered. Robin was shocked, but elated. He wanted to tell the Titans right away. He turned to leave, but Bruce spoke again. “And Dick…”

“Yes sir?” He halted, looking back at his mentor. 

“You led a team. I don’t know that I could do that. Nice work.” He encouraged. 

Dick couldn’t keep the grin off his face and he rushed away, pulling his Titan’s communicator out hastily. “Team! I told Batman what happened. I’m going to be off duty for a month, but I promise I’ll be back to lead you again.”

The replies of joy and congratulations flooded in, filling his chest with hope and happiness for their future team ups. 

Now one last obstacle lay ahead. He needed to talk to Roy earnestly. He needed to figure out where they stood and if they could ever really be friends again.

Chapter Text

A few days later a text came through. Roy asked if he’d want to hang out now the mission was over. That phrase alone had Dick nervously excited. He knew that Roy had said he wanted to continue what they had, and maybe even have more, but their current distance was keenly felt and Dick wasn’t sure what to expect. He was anxious about going over to the Queen estate, but once Roy had pulled him inside and led him up to his room he actually relaxed. They’d fallen back into a platonic bond again, acting like normal friends. 

“Wanna go watch a movie or swim or something?” Roy asked, Sitting next to Dick on his plush rug as they played video games. They had plenty of places to sit, but had gravitated closer to each other.

“Maybe.” Dick had been wanting to open up their conversation and apologize again, but they’d just kept to casual topics and games. He didn’t feel like bringing up anything unless Roy said something first

He wasn’t really trying hard to win because he’d kept getting distracted by his thoughts. Sure enough, he lost again and Roy laughed at him. “Ha! I didn’t think you’d be such a loser.” He said, his leg pressing against Dick’s as he leaned closer, nudging his shoulder.

“Only on a good day.” Dick smiled cheekily as Roy pulled away again. 

“Oh so you’re losing on purpose to stop the game?” Roy smirked and grabbed the controller away from him, placing both gently aside before turning toward him. “If you’re bored of this, what do you want to do?” Dick couldn’t help but want to say ‘you’ and kept glancing at Roy’s lips. “Hmm, I see.” Roy smiled, leaning in and kissing him. He shifted again, pressing Dick to the ground and throwing one leg between his, grinding against his hip. “What do you say to having a little fun?” Dick felt his chest tighten and Roy must’ve noticed him freeze. “We don’t have to do anything though if you don’t want.” He said quickly, pulling away.  

Dick was clearly aroused by Roy, but bit his lip and hesitated. “I just thought you wouldn’t want…I don’t want to ruin what we have now. Since I’m still going to be leading the team I…” He looked away. 

Roy rolled his eyes. “For the last time, you’re not ruining the team by getting fucked by one of us. You didn’t say anything to Donna and Garth about their relationship. And I’m not stupid enough to think that you’ll suddenly fall in love with me or that you’ll be swayed by me at all. I’m not trying to win you over or have any control over you or the team, I’m just horny that’s it.”

Dick felt better when it was put that way. “You promise?” 

Roy lowered his body onto his again. “I promise birdboy, now relax for once in your life.” Dick laughed and let Roy kiss on him again. This time he was open to moving forward and encouraged Roy by pulling on his belt loops. Roy sighed against his cheek and started thrusting lightly, rubbing on his hip again. “Mmm I’ve wanted you for forever. In costume and out.” He chuckled. “That first night you and I snuck away from the gala…I would’ve sucked you dry if you’d asked.” Roy whispered between kisses. Dick’s heart leapt and his cock twitched in his jeans. “I’d do it right now if you want.” He said trailing his lips towards his ear and breathing. “Or if you want to, we can put on our costumes and you can boss me around.”

Dick grunted, pushing Roy away before sitting up. “Ha ha very funny.” He scowled. He didn’t appreciate the teasing. 

“What? I thought you liked…oh…oh I get it. You don’t want to be in charge.” Roy grinned wickedly. He tackled Dick onto the floor again, this time fully between his legs as he humped against him, moaning into his mouth as tongues collided. “That’s ok by me. Bet I can get you to do what I say. I can definitely give you a good fucking and break down all that pent up stress. Maybe I’ll even find that stick up your ass.” 

He laughed as Dick rolled his eyes below him. “I thought you said you weren’t trying to get any control over me.”

Roy smirked. “Baby, this isn’t control, it’s a relaxation technique. Call it a team building exercise.”

Dick scooted back, laughing. “Of all the things that need exercise your mouth isn’t one.”

Roy hummed and reached out, undoing the button on Dick’s pants with one hand. “I better shut up then.” Dick was so giddy as his zipper was pulled down he felt he couldn’t hold back even if he wanted to. Roy looped his fingers in his waistband and looked up at Dick inquisitively. When Dick nodded his approval, Roy yanked his pants and underwear down, just to the top of his thighs, pulling his hard cock free. “Wow. Who knew you were pretty down here too.” Roy smirked, dropping down and kissing the tip. Dick gasped as Roy traced his lips with the head, precum shining like gloss before he sunk his whole mouth around him. His lungs shuddered in his chest as Roy’s tongue and mouth worked. Roy was clearly very good at this. His eyes darted up to see Dick’s reaction as one hand played with his balls, the other holding near the base as his mouth slipped up and down. Dick was mesmerized by the redhead taking him into his mouth, moaning and humming between entries. He reached out, combing a hand through Roy’s hair, suddenly having the urge to pull him further down. Roy’s mouth slipped off him as his hand near his base wrapped around him, pumping in absence of his mouth. “I think you’re enjoying yourself.”

Dick wanted to sass back, but Roy was suddenly on him again, his mouth engulfing him fully down to his throat. His hips flinched upward and Roy’s hands grabbed them before he pulled back slowly and delved in deep again. The pressure of Roy’s mouth around him brought him closer to release. He gasped and grabbed Roy’s hair with both hands, resisting the urge to pull down and fuck his face. His hips were still pinned, but Roy glanced up at him with a look that said he knew what Dick wanted. Roy’s fingers held tighter as he lowered again and again onto his cock. Dick was panting, heels digging into the floor, climax fast approaching. “Roy! Oh god I’m so close!” Roy brought his hands back to focusing on his base and balls, squeezing him gently while his tongue worked against his head. He was making it impossible for Dick to hold back. “Roy! There!” His hips jerked up, thrusting higher. 

He held his breath as he could feel himself spilling out into Roy’s mouth. His lungs heaved as he let himself breathe again. His body relaxed slowly as he let go of Roy who was still sucking gently and moaning. Soon he pulled back, his mouth glistening. “See?” He said, sitting up and wiping his face on his arm. “Nothing bad happened and we’re still the same. Nothing has changed.”

Dick nodded, trying to recover his thoughts. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right.” Roy scoffed. “People other than you can be right, you know?” Dick stayed quiet and Roy crawled over him, dropping his body softly onto his, their lips connecting once more. Dick had never tasted cum before, but Roy’s mouth still held the flavor of himself. He blushed and moaned at the reality of Roy tasting like him. Roy’s kisses trailed to his ear. “Can I fuck you now birdboy?” He whispered, hips making soft thrusts. Dick wanted him more than anything, but there was still a nagging feeling of dread in his mind about his position as leader of the Titans, and about ruining their rocky friendship. “I’ll be so good to you.” He nipped at Dick’s earlobe. “The team won’t even know anything happened between us.”

Dick’s heart was pounding in his ears, his stomach jumped in anticipation and he wanted to say yes so badly. “Promise it won’t affect us?”

“Us?” Roy pulled back, looking at him with confusion. 

“As a team.” Dick clarified. “I know there’s no us.”

Roy swallowed and rolled off of him, laying on his back next to him. “Maybe you’re onto something.” 

“What?” Dick turned his head to look at him. 

“Maybe doing more will have an impact.” He didn’t look at Dick as he said his thoughts. “Maybe we need to chill for a bit.” 

Dick grew worried that something had gone wrong. “Oh.” 

Roy turned to him. “You sound disappointed. A second ago I thought you didn’t want to fuck, now you’re sad we’re not going to?”

Dick was disappointed, but he was trying to be practical. He didn’t have anything to hide behind now though. “Yes, I want to do more, but I worry that it will ruin our dynamic…”

“Oh shut the fuck up!” Roy got up quickly, adjusting his waistband to try and hide his arousal, and pacing the floor. “I’m so sick of you pushing aside what you want for what Batman wants!”

Dick was confused. “What?”

Roy scoffed. “It’s so obvious! You say shit like ‘I don’t want to mess up the team’, but is that you talking? Is it the team that would be affected, or your reputation as a cold, distant, perfect robot that Batman built?” Dick swallowed, trying to think through what Roy had said. “Believe me I know what it’s like to want to impress your mentor and prove yourself worthy, but what about you? You can’t live your whole life in the shadow of him.”

Dick took a moment to fix his clothing, feeling pathetic about pulling his pants up and hiding himself away again. He sat up and curled his knees to his chest. “I’m telling the truth about not wanting to hurt the team. Or you.” He said softly. “Not just because of Batman’s expectations of me, but my expectations for myself. If I can’t even resist you, how can I expect myself to be objective and unbiased?”

Roy huffed a laugh. “You're as biased as they come. You say everything is ‘for the team’ but it sounds like it’s for you! To save your perfect image as much as possible and show Batman you’re capable of being as distant and heartless as him! Are you afraid that you won’t be able to throw me into danger and sacrifice me for the team if you get too close? You think that I’m suddenly going to be jumping in front of you, taking hits for you if I get off in you a few times? You think being physically distant is the only way to save our teamwork?! Or our friendship?!” Roy’s voice rose. “WELL FUCK THAT AND FUCK YOU TOO!!!” They were quiet as a knock sounded at his door. “WHAT?!” Roy scowled. 

Oliver opened it. “I came to say I’m going to be gone for the next few weeks, but I wanted to make sure you’re ok.”

“We’re fine!” Roy dismissed quickly. 

Dick nodded. “We are. He’s just a sore loser.” Dick stood and pointed at the tv’s game over screen. “Have fun wherever you’re going!” He smiled as realistically as he could. 

Oliver looked between them. “Ok, well, I’ll see you next month Roy.”

“Yeah. See you old man.” Oliver backed out and Roy waited till the door had closed and he had walked away. Turning back to Dick, Roy’s voice lowered. “I need you to figure out what you want going forward. If you want to make out and nothing more, fine. If you want more, cool. If you want to end all of this and just be friends, that’s great, but I need you to be honest with me and honest with yourself. Tell me what you want and I’ll do whatever you need.”

There was a long silence between them and Roy eventually sat on the floor closer to the tv, continuing his video game while facing away from Dick. 

Dick sat down on Roy’s bed, giving him space and watching him play while he was running everything through his head. All their interactions, every touch, every kiss, every joke, every text, every conversation. Was he holding back from getting what he wanted from Roy because he didn’t want to hurt the team, because he didn’t want to hurt Roy, or was it something else? Roy’s reaction and blaming Batman certainly felt like he was already sore about something. What else was bothering him? He’d been more and more aware that Roy had become attached to Dick Grayson and he didn’t want to further that connection without telling him who he was as Robin. But now Roy knew he was Robin. He knew his secret and still wanted to be with him? Wasn’t that proof Roy wasn’t too hurt? The team was working together better now that they were all aware of his secret identity. And it honestly was none of the team’s business what he did in his free time. He could be harsh like Speedy perceived Robin for a moment and yell at Roy to tell him to grow up and stop blaming Batman for all of his decisions. He wasn’t a child and he wanted to be a good leader, but his hesitation to go further with Roy wasn’t because he might be judged for his sex life. I mean, with the amount of people Batman had probably slept with in uniform, Dick scoffed to himself, he had no room to judge. But if Batman thought he was emotionally compromised and unable to be objective, that would be a problem. He vowed not to let that happen. 

“Are you angry?” He finally asked. 

Roy paused and sighed roughly. “Not at you.” 

“Why are you angry then?” Dick asked quietly. 

“I don’t know. You just piss me off in general.” Roy scoffed. 

“You were never mad at me like this when it was just me.” Dick confronted. “You only took it out on Robin. Can you talk to me again like we used to? Maybe we can figure it out.”

Roy’s head and shoulders slumped before he straightened and turned to look at him. “But you’re not just you. You’re Robin.”

“I know, but I’m stil…”

“No!” Roy stood again. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it. I can’t believe I let myself…” He paused. 

“Let yourself what?” Dick asked, holding his breath. 

“I let myself trust. I let myself have something that was beautiful and it was never real. I told you things that I had never told anyone before, even Ollie. I thought I found someone that I could connect with on a different level. You were my best friend Dick.”

Dick felt his heart drop. “I can still be…”

“No. No you can’t.” Roy covered his eyes with his hands. “The fact that I met the most perfect person to talk to, to hang out with…” He looked at Dick again. “I admit that I put you up on a pedestal and when you said you were Robin… everything fell apart. But I’m not mad at you anymore. I’m mad at me. Mad that I fell for those beautiful eyes that made me feel happy. Mad that he didn’t exist and I didn’t see that. Mad that I can’t get him back, and all of it is over.” Dick took a slow breath. Had Roy just said out loud that he’d fallen for him, but then it had gone away? “Do you know what I went through when you were kidnapped? All stages of grief and then some. I thought… I thought I’d never see you again and that wrecked me dude! I couldn’t stand it. I spent three days tearing the city apart looking for you. I had to go crawling to Batman for information on where you were. I couldn’t believe you meant so much to me only to… only to realize you never needed me at all.” 

Dick stood slowly. “I… I was worried about this.”

“Worried about what?” Roy asked. 

“I was worried that things would change between us once you found out I was Robin. I wanted to tell you so badly, I wanted to fix everything between us, but… but I convinced myself that if I could just be your friend, nothing more, then the secret wouldn’t bother us. That you wouldn’t know until years from now when all of this was over and nothing mattered anymore.” Dick stared at the floor. “I was trying to… to let us be friends as both us and as heroes. Then maybe you wouldn’t be hurt as badly.”

“Dick.” Roy waited until he made eye contact with him. “I was always going to be hurt. It never mattered how involved we were physically. It would’ve been the same if we’d had sex or if we’d never even kissed at all. The fact that the man I trusted, the one who became my closest friend, wasn't real was what hurt me.”

“I’m real.” Dick stepped forward. 

Roy shook his head. “No. You’re Robin. You’re not him.”

“My name is Dick Grayson. Everything I did was me. The only thing that was Robin was me holding back because I didn’t want to lose you or destroy our team. Everything else was me.”

“So you say.” Roy shook his head and approached the bed, sitting down. “So, if you say you’re real, let’s pretend Robin and Speedy don’t exist for a second. That there is no team. What would Dick Grayson want right now?”

“I want my friend back.” Dick looked at Roy waiting for him to respond. 

Roy nodded. “I want my friend back too. But he doesn’t exist.”

“I’m right here.” Dick insisted, moving towards the bed. “What would you want right now if nothing else existed?” He asked, sitting down beside him. “Just us, like it was before.”

Roy finally looked at him again and seconds passed before his hand came up and gently traced Dick’s cheek. “I’d just want things to be the way they were. Where we don’t have to worry about anything else but ourselves. I want to be open and honest with you again. I want to know that you’re here for me, not for any other reason. I might even ask to make out again if it's true.” He chuckled. 

“I am here for you. I am your friend, Roy. Nothing is a lie, I swear.” Dick could feel his heart pounding. “And I’d like to make out.” He bit his lip. “I’d like more than that.” He blushed as he maintained eye contact with Roy, searching for signs of rejection. Roy moved in slow, his kisses were gentle, almost unsure. Dick encouraged him by leaning in and deepening the contact. They broke away for a moment. “I promise I’m right here.” Dick whispered. “Nothing is going to change that.” Roy was quiet, but simply continued their kisses. His hand slid down to the hem of Dick’s shirt and pulled it up, tracing his fingers up his torso, bringing the fabric with it. Dick broke from their kiss, his breath escaping sharply as Roy focused his thumb on one of his nipples. Roy peppered kisses down his jaw to his neck before pulling his shirt off and continuing his lips path down to his shoulder. Dick reached out, grabbing Roy’s shirt and pulling it off him hastily. He needed more. His hands went to Roy’s belt trying to get it open. 

“Easy there, come on.” Roy chuckled, grabbing Dick’s hands and linking their fingers together. “Let’s go slow, I promise I’m not going to stop this time.” Dick was enchanted by Roy bringing his hands up and dusting his lips against his knuckles. He traced kisses down one wrist and forearm until he let go and helped maneuver Dick gently back on the bed. With one leg between Dick’s thighs Roy leaned over him and continued their make out. Dick was taking Roy’s lead and tracing his hands over Roy’s body. He pulled his hips down to be flush with his own, moaning into Roy’s mouth as he could feel his hardened state on his thigh. Roy’s breathing was shaking as he pressed himself fully down onto Dick. His lips neared Dick’s ear. “Can I fuck you?”

Dick felt his heart yearning for whatever Roy was going to do to him. “Yes.” He agreed readily. 

“Are you sure?” Roy asked softly. “What about the team?” 

“What team? It’s just us.” Dick smiled and pulled him into a kiss. 

Roy hummed and pulled away hurriedly. He moved off him and went to his bedside table, tossing a condom and lube onto the bed. “I’m going to ask one more time. Are you sure you’re ready?”

Dick nodded. “I want to be with you.” 

Roy studied him closely. “Yeah, but do you want to fuck me?”

“Yes!” Dick chuckled. “You better hurry or I’ll boss you around.” He smirked. 

Roy let out a sharp breath. “Don’t tempt me, but I will be going slow with you since you’ve never done this before.” Dick nodded. It was probably best. 

Roy took to removing Dick’s lower layers again and Dick felt less exposed than he thought he would, finally being fully naked around Roy. “God you’re beautiful.” Roy laughed as he crawled over him again, kissing him softly before laying down beside him. He propped up on one elbow while his free hand moved softly over Dick’s skin, touching everywhere but where Dick wanted. Roy continued slowly kissing him and making out as he caressed Dick’s body. Dick had grown hard again and he whined when Roy nudged him during his hand’s exploration. “You like when I touch you.” Roy smiled against his lips. 

“Yes.” Dick breathed. 

Roy’s hand closed around him, stroking him slowly. Dick’s eyes closed and he moaned. “Jesus, you sound good, you look good, you taste good.” Roy chuckled softly. “I bet you even feel good. Should I find out?”

Dick’s heart was like a hummingbird in his ribcage. Roy’s hand let go of him and he sat up. “Wait! Yes! Come back!” Dick had panicked, thinking Roy was stopping. 

“I’m here.” Roy smiled, bending to kiss him again. “I’m just repositioning.” Dick watched him move to kneel between his legs. He kissed him again before hooking his fingers under Dick’s knees and bending them up toward his chest. “Have you ever played with yourself back here?” Roy’s fingertip made contact with his rim.  

“Yes.” Dick panted, trying to maintain his thoughts. 

“Fingers, toys, plug?” Roy questioned. 

“Just fingers.” Dick said, growing impatient. 

Roy grabbed the lube and slicked up his fingertips, rubbing against his hole again. Dick gasped and waited for the push in. Roy just continued rubbing the outer edge. Dick was surprised when Roy’s free hand came to his cheek before combing back a bit of his hair. “I’m going to need you to relax, ok? You look like you’re expecting me to say ‘just kidding’ and walk away. Or that I’m going to attack you suddenly.”

Dick laughed. “I’m just trying to hold myself back from begging you for more.”

Roy licked his lips and smirked. “I never said you couldn’t. Are you ready?”

Dick nodded eagerly. “I want this. I want you.” 

Roy smiled down at him again. Dick forced himself to breathe as Roy slid a finger into him. Roy’s other hand gently cradled his jaw, his thumb rubbing against Dick’s lower lip. “You’re so tight. Can you relax for me?” Dick focused on letting himself loosen, trying to avoid tensing up as a second finger pressed near his rim. He could feel the pressure increase when it entered and the movement began as he scissored his fingers inside. “You’re doing so good.”

Dick’s eyes fluttered closed and his mouth opened as Roy’s fingers curled and started hitting the sensitive spot inside him. “You really are so pretty.” Roy complimented, gingerly slipping his fingers in and out along with all his movements. God he was good with his hands. Dick’s jaw clamped shut as he was stretched by Roy’s fingers working him open, spreading and relaxing. Roy was taking it slow, but the new feelings and impatience were overwhelming. He needed more. He wanted all Roy could offer. “Easy, open your mouth Dickie.” Roy sounded amused and calm all at the same time. Dick parted his lips, letting Roy pull his jaw down a little, his thumb sliding into his mouth and over his tongue. “Keep relaxed.” He coached as his fingers moved within him. The thumb pressing on his tongue kept his jaw from clenching again. He opened his eyes to see Roy staring at him, seemingly captivated. Dick smiled slightly before closing his lips around his thumb and sucking. Roy’s face changed instantly and he pulled his hand slowly back from Dick’s face. “You can’t just do that to me. You’re going to make me too excited.”

“That’s what I want.” Dick smiled below him. “I want you now. I’m ready, I promise. I want you to fuck me.”

Roy stifled a moan. “You have no idea how good that sounds coming from you.”

“Please.” Dick urged. If Roy couldn’t see how desperate he was he could definitely tell him. Roy’s fingers slid out of him and he backed away, standing up and unhooking his belt. His tongue darted over his lips and his eyes were hungrily taking in the sight of Dick laying nude and fully hard before him. He undid his button and zipper before pulling down his layers and dropping them to the floor. Dick sat up to look at him. He was glad Roy had loosened him up before attempting to do anything else. He wasn’t scarily massive by any means but he was definitely going to feel it. “Please.” Dick whined again. Trying to get Roy to hurry. His own cock was dripping in need on his stomach. 

“You sure you’re ready?” He took a hold of his own hard-on, stroking it once. 

Dick nodded. “I need you.” He whispered as his breathing escalated. Roy took a second to don the condom and grab more lube. Moving forward he pushed Dick onto his back again, swooping down and kissing his hard shaft before moving up his stomach, chest, and throat, stopping only to reach down and adjust himself. Pressing his tip to Dick’s rim, Roy looked into his eyes as he pushed in slightly. Dick gasped and tried to pull Roy in closer. “I need more!” He urged, heart hammering and lungs quivering. He felt like he might explode if Roy didn’t move. 

Roy rocked softly again, sighing in pleasure as he went deeper still. Roy was showing more restraint than Dick thought him capable of as he rocked slowly, entering him little by little. It was such a strange and yet enticing feeling to have something stretch him open this way. Dick hoped it would only get better as they continued and desperately wanted to feel Roy lose control. Roy let out a groan as he finally bottomed out, fully inside. He lowered his body, pressing Dick into the mattress. His breath was shaky as he whispered in Dick’s ear. “Fuck, you’re tight. I’ll be gentle with you.”

Dick dug his fingers into Roy’s back. “Please. Just move.” Instead of thrusting in and out. Roy simply flexed his cock inside of him. It sent thrills up his spine, but it wasn’t enough. Dick’s back arched and he tried to pull Roy in again. “I…need… more.” He said between panting breaths. He didn’t even know what he was begging for, he just knew he wanted it and that Roy needed to move. “Please!”

“Ok.” Roy relented, rolling his hips slow. He moved smoothly, trying to be gentle as Dick adjusted. 

“More.” Dick whispered, desperately. He gasped as Roy picked up speed. He was starting to feel the discomfort and awkward pressure fade as the pleasure started rippling through him with every thrust. 

“You gotta breathe babe.” Roy coached. Dick let his lungs inflate and tried to keep an even breathing pattern while the pleasure was building in every movement. He found himself moaning incoherently as Roy switched up the pace again. “God you sound pretty.” Roy laughed breathlessly, shifting his weight to bring his body closer to Dick’s, wrapping his arms under him. He was fully pressed against him, holding him in his arms as his hips rolled slow. His lips would brush kisses on his face and whisper about how good he felt. Dick had never had anyone hold him like this during sex. He felt his urgency for release start to fade as he took a moment to enjoy Roy’s full weight on him and strong arms pulling him close. His hips rocking slow, giving him a gentle buildup of pleasure. Roy’s hand reached down, pulling one leg higher on his hip. “Are you comfortable?”

“Yes.” Dick confirmed through a hazy sigh. Roy smiled and pulled away slightly. Dick missed his warmth and pressure, but was soon distracted by Roy’s thrusting getting deeper. Roy’s face was reflecting his own pleasure as he pushed into him slow and deep. He breathed in slowly as he paused and reached between them, sliding his hand over Dick’s hard cock. Dick gasped and his back arched as his need for more quickly grew again. “Fuck me more!” He begged as Roy stayed still, deep within him, only moving his hand on his arousal. 

Roy laughed breathlessly. “Baby if I move now I’m going to cum. You’re just so tight and so gorgeous I can’t help it.” Dick was flattered and taken by his words. He felt himself getting closer to releasing as Roy’s hand moved over his sensitive cock. He moaned and arched again. Roy let go of him. “God you’re so hot.” He leaned down and kissed him again, tongue playing against his own. Roy’s hips shifted and started to move again. Dick tensed up and moaned as he felt Roy hitting just right inside. “Relax, stay relaxed, I don’t want to hurt you.” Roy panted and thrust in the same way again. 

Dick’s mouth opened in a silent gasp. “Please.” He managed to beg between breaths. 

“Anything for you.” Roy kissed him once more before picking up his pace. He watched Roy’s face change in pleasure and wanted to watch him get off inside him. 

“Roy!” He whined, needing more.

Roy groaned, looking down at Dick, his expression heavily blissed out. “Does it feel good?” Roy’s voice was deep with desire.

Dick could only nod and try not to cry out too much as Roy moved his hips more. Dick could barely breathe as he felt Roy fucking him just right, causing cascading jolts of pleasure to run through his entire body. He had never felt anything so amazing before and took a sharp breath as suddenly Roy’s hand was between them, pumping him again. It was all too much. Roy’s dick thrusting inside him, picking up pace and his hand moving over his hard aching cock made him lose his mind. “Ah! Roy!” He couldn’t stay still as he hit his peak, his hips canting as he felt his cum shooting out over his abs. 

Roy moaned desperately, his hands grabbing Dick’s hips as he shoved in quick and deep. “Oh god! Dick!” Roy’s whole body was convulsing as he released inside him, his face showing his climax had taken over. “Fuck.” He whispered breathlessly. 

His last few deep thrusts made Dick dizzy and his voice chirp out tiny moans. He watched Roy’s chest heaving and his abs still straining. He hummed quietly. “I didn’t know that could feel so good.”

Roy chuckled and leaned down to kiss him, catching his breath between pecks. “Dude, that was like, one of the best orgasms I’ve had.” He panted while laughing slightly. “You’re so fucking perfect.” Roy pulled out slow and smirked at Dick before bending down and licking up the spent on his abs. 

Dick let out a sharp exhale. “Roy!” There wasn’t a lot to clean up but Dick’s heart hammered watching Roy’s tongue and lips taking care of it. He was amazed by him and how much this excited him. Dick flinched as Roy’s mouth closed over his still overly sensitive tip. It slipped slowly out of his mouth and he moved back up to kiss him. Dick could taste himself again and moaned into Roy’s mouth.

“Be right back.” Roy pulled away, heading to his ensuite to dispose of the condom. Dick took a minute to breathe and feel. His body was tired, and definitely worked in a new way. He loved how he could close his eyes and still feel Roy deep inside him. Dick wanted to smile for days at being called perfect and gorgeous. Roy returned and crawled over him again, kissing him deeply. “Come on baby, we need to get you clean.” Dick followed him into the bathroom where the shower was already running and warmed up. Roy led him in and they continued kissing in the water. It was hard to wash up together and not stop every five seconds to make out. They kept devolving into laughter and playful pushes keeping each other apart. By the end Roy was holding dick in his arms, leaving soft kisses on his neck and shoulder. “So, Dick, how was your first dick?” He teased, pulling away to look at his face. 

Dick rolled his eyes at the joke and shrugged. “It was fine.” He grinned at Roy’s eyes narrowing.

“Your reaction to it didn’t seem like it was just fine.” He continued his teasing tone. “I had a hard time holding back when you were begging for more.”

Dick blushed. “I guess it was really good.” He smiled, kissing Roy softly. 

“You’re damn right it was good.” Roy chuckled and turned off the water. “Let’s get dressed and go out for dinner.” He patted Dick’s behind as they left the shower. 

“What if I just stay like this?” Dick smirked. “Ollie left for a while right? We could just relax together.” 

Roy raised an eyebrow. “Now you’re giving me ideas. Don’t tempt me with a weekend where you’re not allowed to wear anything.”

“Just me?” Dick didn’t know he would be so into that. 

“Someone has to get us food.” Roy smirked, reaching out and grabbing Dick’s jaw gently. “And you look like a fucking model.” 

Dick felt his lips curl into a smile as his cheeks warmed. He was glad Roy found him attractive, even with his scars and imperfections. “So then next weekend you’re the one who can’t wear clothes right?” Dick laughed. 

Roy smirked and pulled him in for a brief kiss. “Get dressed. Before you make this sound too good.”

Dick would never have thought that he’d end up sleeping with one of his team, but things had gone in unexpected ways for a while now. Nothing seemed to change in their dynamic that night besides being able to talk about their vigilante work and the Titans. “Yeah sorry about keeping it a secret for so long.” Dick apologized again as Roy had brought up his disbelief of him being Robin. 

“I just keep looking at you and thinking no way, but actually yeah, I can see it now.” He laughed before humming in thought. “So, that night I ‘rescued’ you from the cult, you knew that was me and hit on me. Why?”

“I thought it could be fun. I wanted to know if you’d be like me and use your secret identity to get closer to me.” Dick sighed, ashamed. “Sorry I was an idiot.” 

“Why would you think I’d do that to you?” Roy asked. 

“Because I was using my secret identity to make out with you.” Dick admitted. 

“Ah, so you were hoping I was just as horrible as you?” Roy teased. 

Dick nodded. “Yes actually.” 

“Jokes on you, I’m not a fucking liar.” Roy was being sarcastic, his voice made that clear as well as the smile on his face, but Dick felt bad all the same. 

“What can I do to make it up to you?” He was serious and watched Roy’s face lose its smile. 

“You could start by telling me the truth from now on.” His voice was mildly threatening. 

Dick nodded. “I should’ve expected that.” 

“Good. Now, why were you so mad at me as Robin after the cult take down? It felt like things took a turn from us being friends again to you just losing it on me for every little thing. Remember not to lie this time.” Roy said, the corner of his mouth lifted in triumph that Dick would tell him the truth. 

“I was jealous.” Dick said clearly, not beating around the bush. 

Roy’s eyebrows lowered. “You were jealous? Of what?”

Dick looked away. “Of you and the guy at the gala.”

“Guy at the gala?” Roy questioned, confused. 

“The night we took down the cult. We were at the gala beforehand and you stopped our make out to go hookup with some guy!” Dick clarified.

Roy looked surprised. “You saw that?”

“Yes I saw that. It was obvious what you two had been doing.” Dick scowled. 

Roy waved his hands. “Woah, time out. You’re the one who’d been keeping secrets from me for the entire time we’d been friends with benefits, then you said you didn’t want any more benefits, then you got jealous when I got some from someone else?” 

Dick knew it wasn’t rational. “Yeah I know it was dumb.”

“No shit! We weren't a couple, and you didn’t want anything to do with me when it came to sex, but you were jealous if I had someone else? That’s why you were pissed off at me constantly? Why you ghosted me too, I bet?” Roy had to keep his voice low to not attract attention from the other restaurant guests. 

“Look, I’m sorry!” Dick tried to apologize again, knowing he’d been in the wrong. 

Roy just stared at him. “Whatever, that’s that control freak Robin popping up again. Can’t have anything go against your plan. I’m just a pawn in your little game.”

“That’s not…” Dick took a breath. “Ok maybe I’m a little controlling.”

“A little?” Roy scoffed. “If you want me all to yourself you better ask me the right way. Don’t act all pouty when you can’t keep me away from other people if you don’t.” Roy grumbled into his plate. 

Dick frowned at him. “I thought you said you don’t like commitment.”

“I don’t.” Roy shrugged. 

Dick shook his head and chuckled. “And I’m not looking for a relationship so I guess I need to get over it.” 

Roy raised an eyebrow. “You? Get over something? There’s a novel concept.” 

“Shut up.” Dick groaned, but then caught sight of Roy’s teasing grin. “Yes I’m going to get over it, you don’t have to be a jerk about all this.” 

“Uh yes I do. It’s tit for tat babe.” Roy snickered. “You’re a jerk to me, I get fair game about being a jerk to you.” 

Dick rolled his eyes. “Fine. I can work with that.” 

“Did you want to stay over tonight?” Roy asked as they finished up their meal. 

Dick was surprised. “For real?” He asked, hoping Roy wasn’t joking. 

“No I’m kidding, yes dummy. I finally get to fuck you and you think I’m not gonna ask you to come do it again?” Roy smirked. 

Again! Dick had to keep from grinning like an idiot. “Again?” He questioned with a smile. 

“Yeah, can’t just leave you with your first time and be done. I have so much more I want to do with you.” Roy bragged. 

Dick chuckled and blushed. “I am technically benched from being Robin, so I have nothing else better to do.” 

“Amazing. You should piss off Batman more often.” Roy suggested. “I’ll help.”

Dick chuckled. “Maybe I should. Should I swing by the manor and grab some stuff for this weekend?”

Roy smirked. “Oh, planning to stay the whole weekend are you?”

“Like I said, I’ve got nothing better to do.” Dick smirked back. 

Roy nodded. “I won’t argue about that. You won’t find anything better than me.”

Dick laughed and rolled his eyes. It was nice to have everything out in the open. He actually liked the change in the way they interacted. Roy was more sarcastic and grating toward him just like he’d been as Speedy towards Robin, but he’d also kept his softer side that he’d only shown to Dick. 

“Want help grabbing stuff?” Roy asked as they pulled up to Wayne manor. “Oh, also, I’ve been meaning to ask if Bruce knows you’re Robin?” 

Dick had revealed his own identity but knew he should still guard Bruce’s. “He knows, but don’t say anything to him about it. He might get Batman to bench me longer.” 

“Serious? Damn. He hates you being Robin?” Roy asked, surprised. 

“No, he’s just overprotective.” Dick was truthful for the most part. 

“Ok then. Not a word.” Roy said as they entered the manor and headed up to Dick’s room. 

“Will your friend be staying long, master Grayson?” Alfred had caught them going up the stairs. 

“Uh, no actually. I’m going to stay at his place for a while.” Dick said truthfully. 

“I understand. Is master Bruce aware?” The butler asked. 

Dick shook his head. “No, but I’ll let him know later.”

“Very well, enjoy your time away.” He nodded as he walked away. “Mr. Harper.” He acknowledged Roy. Alfred would be the last person that would interfere with Dick leaving the house for some time off. Something about payback for Bruce leaving the house as a teenager and not telling Alfred where he’d gone. 

“So Bruce is overprotective but your butler lets you do whatever you want?” Roy asked amused. 

“Yeah. It’s kinda like a concerned father, doting grandfather dynamic between us honestly. For the most part.” Dick said, leaving out the other nuances. 

Roy hummed.  “At least Bruce acts like he cares.”

Dick shrugged. “Sure.”

“Ollie did at first, but I guess I grew up and he figured I didn’t need him anymore.” Roy sighed. 

“Have you talked to him?” Dick asked quietly.  

“A little. I should. But forget that.” Roy dismissed as they entered Dick’s room. “I call the bed!” He immediately flopped across it staring at the ceiling. “Ah. Nice.”

Dick rolled his eyes and grabbed his duffel bag. “I thought you were going to help me get stuff for this weekend.” He teased. 

“And miss this chance to relax and watch you work?” He grinned at him. Dick shook his head and gathered his clothes and necessities. When he came out of the bathroom he noticed Roy was up and going through his things. “You know, I should’ve come over here sooner.” He pulled a batarang out from one of Dick’s dresser drawers and waved it at him. “I could’ve figured out who you were sooner.”

Dick shrugged. “What would you have done if you had found out I was Robin before I told you?” 

“That’s a great fuckin question.” Roy put the batarang away and went back to laying across the bed. “Probably try to seduce you as Robin and when you inevitably tried to chicken out, I’d call you by name and make you confess who you were. Then I’d probably fuck you, never talk to you as Dick Grayson ever again, and make your life as Robin a living hell.” 

Dick’s eyebrows rose. “You’ve thought about that haven’t you?”

Roy laughed. “Only a little.” 

“So why are you here with me still if you would’ve abandoned me otherwise?” Dick asked earnestly. 

“Because I only have myself to blame for not figuring it out sooner and making a fool of myself. All the times you reminded me of Robin I pushed it away because I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want you to be him. I should’ve just listened to my gut and looked into you more before I was hopelessly hooked.” Roy complained. 

“Sorry.” Dick apologized again. 

“You should be.” Roy huffed. “Don’t mind me if I get pissed at you randomly when I remember what you did.”

“Honestly I thought you’d never want anything to do with me again after you found out.” Dick confessed. “That’s why I… well, one reason why I didn’t tell you sooner. I was selfish and didn’t want to lose you.”

Roy continued staring at the ceiling as he said, “We were both selfish. But from everything we’ve said… I can’t help but feel like we were always going to end up abandoning each other eventually. Even if I didn’t find out, your guilt over your secret would drive you away and I would be glad you weren’t there to constantly make me…” His voice faded out. 

“Make you what?” Dick asked curiously. 

“Make me so fucking horny all the time.” Roy scoffed with bravado. 

Dick knew it was a cover. Roy was lying about something, but he didn’t say anything. He just grabbed his bag and held out a hand to help Roy up. “Let’s go back to your place then.” They hadn’t even made it fully into Roy’s room before his lips were clashing against Dick’s. Roy grabbed his bag from him and dropped it on the floor before pulling Dick into his lap as he sat on the bed. He’d pushed Dick’s shirt off and started leaving another love bite on the opposite side of his chest as the one before. Dick giggled. “I’m not going to forget you. Don’t leave too many.”

Roy pulled back, smirking up at him. “If it were up to me you’d look like a leopard.” 

Dick laughed and stood, pulling at Roy’s shirt. “What about you? Shouldn’t I leave you something to remind you of me?” Roy shifted back onto the bed and watched Dick leave kisses over his bare torso finding the perfect place to leave his own mark. He finally settled on the same spot Roy had left his first mark. Dick pulled back with satisfaction at seeing the reddish spot on his skin. “There.” He grinned. “That’s better.”

Roy chuckled and slid a hand down Dick’s body to his waistband, slipping two fingers in and pulling Dick closer. “Should we get you out of these and give you something else to remember?” Dick couldn’t help his smile and eagerly undressed, pulling off Roy’s remaining clothes as well. Roy yanked him back into straddling his lap and kissing him deeply. One hand tangled in Dick’s hair, pulling slightly to expose his neck. Roy kissed and nipped his skin while his other hand went between them and took both their hard-ons in his grip. Dick gasped and flinched at the sudden stimulation. Roy’s hands let go. “Easy, it’s just me.” He laughed. Dick blushed that he’d reacted so strongly and lowered his hips once more, reaching down and wrapping his hand around both of them. He watched Roy’s eyes close and heard his breathy moan as he started stroking. “Fuck.” Dick loved watching him react and focused on trying to make what he was doing feel good. It only took a moment and some redirection to figuring out what worked best. Soon he was watching Roy’s face change into an uncontrolled expression of ecstasy. His body was tensing and his breathing picked up speed. Dick was mesmerized, watching him and feeling the quickly approaching orgasm of his own. His hand was rubbing on them both, but their cocks pressed together providing even more delicate sensation. Roy slipped a hand behind his neck and pulled him in for short deliberate kisses. Dick’s hand paused slightly and Roy pulled back a little, looking into his eyes. “Keep going baby. You’re good at that.” Emboldened by Roy’s compliment he kept stroking them together, Roy’s hands were tracing his body and grabbing onto him as the feeling kept building. “I’m close.” He panted. Dick couldn’t hold back as Roy groaned and started to cum. Seeing his facial expression and glancing down to watch him erupt caused Dick to go off as well. He whined as his hips twitched, his hand gripping and stalling as he released over Roy, combining their messes. He was breathing hard and calming down as Roy’s hands took his face gently. He kissed him softly and leaned their foreheads together as they recovered from their high. 

“That was fun.” Dick laughed breathily. 

“Yeah, you’re a fast learner.” Roy smirked and pulled away. 

They cleaned up and put sleeping clothes on, deciding to play video games again now that Dick wouldn’t keep losing out of nerves over their situation. The game was loading as they sat side by side on recliners. Roy reached out suddenly and punched Dick’s arm. “Ow! What was that for?”

“For being Robin.” Roy held his smirk in check. 

Dick rolled his eyes, rubbing his arm. “Ok, fine. But at least tell me when you’ll hit me.” 

“Like when you told me you were Robin?” Roy scoffed. 

“I’m sorry.” Dick sighed grumpily. 

“And you will be for a long time. I'll make sure of it.” Roy huffed. Their tension abated while they played and laughed out loud at their friendly competition. Eventually they’d gotten bored of games and ended up in bed cuddling close, and making out. “What I wouldn’t have given for this before.” Roy said against his lips. 

“Before what?” Dick asked hazily. 

“Before I knew everything was a lie.” Roy said softly. 

Dick pulled away slightly. “I didn’t lie. Not about wanting this.” 

Roy shifted, burying his face against Dick’s shoulder. “It doesn’t matter now anyway. We’re friends again, everything’s fine.” Something in Roy’s tone made Dick want to question him. But what could he ask that wouldn’t cause unnecessary strife between them? Dick really didn’t want to go back to arguing with him or making things awkward. So he just stayed quiet. One thing that Roy had mentioned earlier kept nagging at his mind. It had sounded like Roy had actually developed feelings for him, but then when it had been revealed that Dick was Robin they had gone away. He’d tried not to let his mind dwell too deeply on that fact, but now it had resurfaced. Roy seemed to be unable to reconcile the fact that Dick was indeed himself and that even though he was Robin, that didn’t change anything about him. Apparently in Roy’s view he was a completely different person now. Dick didn’t want to think about how Roy was mourning the loss of someone that was, in reality, here in his arms. It must be like he was going through a breakup and new relationship at the same time. Wait…relationship? Roy and Dick had both said they didn’t want any commitment. So why was Roy so sad about “losing” Dick? If he’d had actual feelings…if he’d been in love…wouldn’t he have wanted to be in a relationship? Dick couldn’t fathom Roy being in love with him and not asking to be more than friends with benefits. So clearly Roy couldn’t have been in love since he said he didn’t like commitment, and had slept with other people while they were involved. “You’re really quiet.” Roy said in a hushed tone. 

“Yeah.” Dick let his lungs inflate slowly. “Just thinking.” 

Roy pulled away and yawned. “Damn, you’re tiring.” He chuckled lightly before moving away. “I guess I should rest up in case the team needs me. Without you I’ll be carrying all the weight of victory.” He teased. 

Dick squinted at him in mock upset. “I’m sure you will.” He smiled cheekily.

Roy moved farther away and turned off his lamp. “Goodnight.” The room fell into darkness and Roy went still, laying down for sleep.

Dick felt a strange sense of longing as he realized Roy was not coming back over to him. He gently scooted closer and snaked an arm over Roy’s waist, pulling in close behind him. “No kiss goodnight.” He teased as he cuddled closer.

Roy tensed up. “It’s just a little much right now.”

Dick was surprised, but pulled away. “Ok. Sorry.” He turned over, facing away and trying to keep his brain from overthinking or coming to conclusions that something was wrong. Maybe Roy just didn’t like being touched as he was trying to fall asleep. Maybe he was just that tired and needed rest. Maybe he just needed an occasional break from physical interaction. Dick had to admit he really didn’t know much about Roy personally in this way. He decided to ask him later. Right now he’d let Roy rest and hopefully he’d be able to talk tomorrow. Dick had a fitful night of sleep. Between being in a new place, being in bed with someone, and having worries pressing on his mind, he hadn’t had much rest.

He startled awake, heart hammering in panic, sitting up as a figure moved past the bed. “Easy birdboy, it's me.” Roy whispered in the dark. “Titan’s stuff. I’ll be back later.” He leaned down and kissed Dick’s forehead. Dick went to check his comm unit and follow up on alerts. “Hey, you’re benched.” Roy chuckled, taking his device and putting it back on the bedside dresser. “Go back to sleep, I'll probably be here when you wake up.”

“Fine.” Dick grumbled. He hated knowing the team was out there without him. “Be careful.”

“Mmhmm.” Roy hummed and left the room. 

Dick tried to sleep and was mildly successful. He woke when the sun was rising and checked comms. Nothing crazy had happened. Nothing warranting a widespread alert yet at least. He yawned and stumbled out of bed to use the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror as he washed his hands. The same mirror Roy had taken pics in on their first night exchanging photos. He thought about copying the first pic to send to Roy, but didn’t want to distract him wherever he was. He crawled back into bed and fell asleep.

Chapter Text

Dick opened his eyes to the sun fully up and the feeling of someone slipping into bed with him. “Good morning.” Roy said, cuddling close to him from behind. Dick felt relieved that Roy was being physical again. That clearly signaled everything was alright between them and his worries about last night were unfounded. Dick shivered as water dripped off Roy’s hair onto his neck. Roy had obviously showered before climbing into the sheets. Dick could smell his soap and feel he was nude, his body still warm from the water. He let Roy’s arms close around him and his lips press to his cheek. “How did you sleep?”

“Not great to be honest.” Dick said truthfully. 

“My bad, I should’ve tired you out more last night.” Roy teased, pressing his hips forward against Dick’s behind. Dick could feel him hardening and his own body started to respond. 

“I was just worried.” Dick said as Roy held tighter. 

“You know, you can trust us to deal with the threats ourselves and not need you as leader everytime. We’re not going to fail just because you’re not there.” Roy scoffed, pulling away slightly. 

“I wasn’t worried you’d fail.” Dick said quickly, halting his retreat. “Obviously I worry about you getting hurt on missions, but what I really worried about was you last night, before we went to sleep. You were very cold towards me and didn’t seem to want me near you at all. I thought maybe I’d done something to wreck us again.”

“Ah.” Roy said quietly, cuddling closer to Dick again. “I was…tired.”

“And?” Dick knew there was more. 

Roy’s hand drifted over Dick’s bare torso, down his abs to the waistband of his shorts, dipping his fingers in, but not making contact with anything below. “And what?”

“And you just seemed upset.” Dick said, trying to think rationally and not about Roy’s hand being so close to touching him. 

“I said I was tired.” Roy buried his head into the back of Dick’s neck as his hips rolled against him, rubbing himself on Dick’s ass. 

“Ok, then maybe you should get some rest.” Dick countered. 

“I will. Once I hear your pretty voice screaming my name.” He slid his hand fully into Dick’s shorts, taking hold of him. 

Dick had to catch his breath and tilt his hips back against Roy as his heart jumped. “Mmmnfh” he let out a strangled moan as Roy’s hand stroked him and his hips ground against him from behind. His mind went blank as Roy continued to work him. He needed to feel him inside again. “Roy! Fuck me!”

“That’s what I’m doing babe.” He chuckled against his neck. 

“No!” He shoved his buttocks back against Roy’s crotch, feeling how hard he was. “I want you to fuck me.”

He could feel Roy’s hand stall and his breath huff out on the back of his neck. “Don’t have to ask me twice.” Roy was pulling down frantically at Dick’s shorts, before grabbing needed supplies. Dick could barely wait as Roy slicked him up, opening him again. He caught himself whispering encouragement and trying to speed things up. Roy pulled him back into their position of spooning, slipping into him gently, his hand gripping Dick’s hip harshly when he tried to shift. “Stay still.” Roy breathed in his ear. 

Dick let a small sound escape his throat as Roy started moving in him slowly. He tried to relax and stay motionless, but he couldn’t help twisting his torso to try and kiss Roy. “I was worried you were mad at me again last night.” He managed to get out between long kisses. Roy didn’t seem to want to talk, and Dick soon forgot about the topic as Roy quickened his thrusts. Dick could feel release building and wanted to get to that overwhelming wave again. “Please! More!” He breathed. 

Roy paused and shifted his position, driving into him faster. “Fuck, baby, you’re so pretty.” The new angle had worked magic and Dick couldn’t speak as the wave of ecstasy hit him. He could only gasp and choke out sounds as he came on the sheets. Roy completed soon after and bent over him, kissing his shoulder up to his cheek. “Clean up your mess.” He chuckled softly before pulling out and leaving. Dick recovered his breath and cleaned up as much as possible. 

“Do you want to go out today?” Dick asked, watching Roy come back from the bathroom and enter his closet. 

“Go out?” Roy asked. 

“Yeah, like go see a movie, or hangout downtown, or something.” He waited for a response. When none came, he went to find Roy. “Did you hear wh…” Roy was sitting on the ground of his walk-in closet, still naked, knees bent up and his head resting against his arms. “Are you ok?!” Dick rushed to kneel at his side. 

“Yeah…” His head raised slowly. “That mission last night really took it out of me. Then with you…” He laughed mirthlessly. “I guess I’m tired.” His head slumped against his arms again. 

Dick was relieved it wasn’t more serious and helped get him into bed. “Go to sleep!” Dick had to laugh as Roy continuously tried to make out with him in bed. “I’m going to leave for a bit. Text me when you wake up.” He smirked. 

Roy grabbed his wrist as he attempted to get out of bed. “Don’t leave me.” Roy said tiredly, his voice sounding desperate in how close he was to sleep.

“I’ll come back once you wake up.” Dick’s teasing and smile died as he saw the tear leak from Roy’s closed eyes. “I’m here.” Dick immediately scooted closer and held onto Roy. “It’s ok.” 

Roy seemed calm once he was in Dick’s arms. He fell asleep almost instantly and Dick waited a while before sliding away as slowly and carefully as possible. He left the bed and pulled on clothes, cautious not to make too much noise. He waited until he was sure Roy was deep in sleep to leave his room. He’d texted Roy to let him know when he was awake, and felt bad leaving him alone, but he knew that he’d sleep better without anyone near. Dick wandered the estate, taking paths that he and Roy had meandered before. Walking through the gardens and grounds. He had time to breathe and to think now that he wasn’t acting as Robin for the month. He didn’t realize how much of a habit it was to want to check in on his work with the team or Batman until he sat by the pool trying to look at anything but the locked folders on his phone with case info, or constantly looping back to the Titan’s social media. Dick sighed. “I need a life.” He muttered. 

“Yeah you do, loser.” Roy’s voice startled him. 

“Hey.” Dick spun to look at him. “I thought you could use some uninterrupted sleep.” Dick said, still a little guilty about leaving him alone. 

“Thanks.” Roy flopped into the lounge chair next to him, looking out over the water. “So, got any plans for today?” 

Dick shrugged. “Well I asked you earlier if you wanted to do anything, but you never answered.”

“You did?” Roy looked confused.

“Yeah.” Dick said “Before I got you into bed and… I’m sorry I left.” He said quietly. “I hope you’re not upset.”

“Why would I be? I got some great sleep.” Roy grinned.

“Well… you begged me not to go.” Dick said.

“No I didn’t.” Roy looked confused. 

“Yeah, I told you I was going to leave so you could sleep, and you grabbed onto me, asking me to stay.” Dick explained. 

“I don’t remember that.” Roy yawned, still shaking off sleep.

“You don’t?” Dick hummed, wondering if he should ask about the crying. “I… I thought I saw you…”

“Saw me what?” Roy asked pointedly.

“I saw you crying.” Dick confessed. “I didn’t want to leave you.”

“Bullshit.” Roy laughed. “Good one Dickie.”

“I’m serious.” Dick scowled. “Are you ok Roy?”

Roy shook his head. “Whatever you saw was your imagination.”

“It wasn’t.” Dick stayed firm.  

“Then I was probably dreaming, or had something in my eye. I don't know what to tell you.” Roy said, annoyed. “I don’t remember anything past going into my closet and passing out.” 

“Ok.” Dick backed off the subject. Clearly Roy wasn’t ready to talk about it. 

“Crying, ha!” Roy scoffed. “Even if I was, even if I begged you to stay, you still left.” Roy said with a teasing smirk. “Some friend you are.”

Dick rolled his eyes. “I stayed, till you were actually asleep. Then I went outside because I didn’t want to wake you accidentally.” There was a lull in their conversation and Dick wondered if asking about the Titans would count as being Robin. “How’s the team?” 

“They’re fine.” Roy said. “Stop being a control freak.” 

“I’m not…ugh.” Dick folded his arms. “Fine.”

Roy looked over at him and sat up in his chair. “Hey, I was kidding. They miss having you around. I guess they actually like you being bossy.”

Dick smirked. “You know you like it too.” 

Roy scoffed. “Sure Robin I…” He stopped with a sigh. “Ew, I hate that.”

Dick looked at him in confusion. “Hate what?”

“Calling you Robin.” Roy sighed a long exasperated sigh. “It’s gross.”

“Why? It’s who I am.” Dick shrugged, pulling out his phone and scrolling Titan’s social media again. 

“Yeah, but I hate it.” Roy pouted. 

Dick was reminded that Roy seemed to be unable to see him as both, and still wanted Dick not to be Robin. He didn’t want to dredge up this hurtful topic at all, so he got sarcastic instead. “Sorry my nickname is the coolest.”

“Coolest?” Roy snorted. “A little fluffy bird?” 

Dick laughed. “Better than Speedy.” He joked.

“That’s it.” Roy stood and snatched Dick’s phone from his hand before grabbing his lounge chair and tilting it to dump Dick into the pool. Dick acted on instinct and spun off the chair grabbing Roy’s wrist as he fell. Rolling both of them and the chair into the water.

“Bastard!” Roy spluttered, resurfacing. 

“You started it!” Dick laughed and splashed him.

A brief water war and play wrestling occurred as they splashed around together. “You’re lucky I dropped your phone outside the pool.” Roy scoffed as he climbed out and fetched it. 

“You can afford to buy me a new one.” Dick smirked, hoisting himself out of the water. 

“Yes, I can.” Roy stretched his hand over the pool, holding the phone over the surface.

“Wait!” Dick held out his hand. “I have files on there that I need! Titan’s stuff.”

Roy’s face softened and he handed him the device. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Dick breathed. Roy was quiet again. Pulling off his soaked shirt and wringing it out. “Well, we’ve been swimming, wanna go catch a movie?” Dick smiled. 

Roy looked him over and chuckled. “Yeah, why not. Let’s find some dry clothes first.”

“You owe me new shoes.” Dick said, kicking his waterlogged ones off. 

“My bad.” Roy snickered. They changed and headed out towards the city. “Happy now?” Roy smirked as Dick slipped on new shoes he’d bought him, putting the ones he’d borrowed temporarily in the box and stowing them on the floor of the car. 

“Yeah, I am. Thanks.” Dick sassed. He shook his head at Roy’s laugh. “It was your fault to begin with.” 

Roy scoffed. “Ok?” He held out a hand to pull Dick out of the car and to his feet. Dick couldn’t help but to think back on what had happened last night and today. Why was Roy so hot and cold for him? Why had Roy been crying? A dream? Sleep crying? He couldn’t really focus on any of their conversations as he tried to think back and decipher what could be going on with his friend and teammate. Maybe he could text Charley and get a report of Titan’s missions while he was away, just to keep track of what Roy was going through recently. It could be stress. It could be family stuff. Oliver had just nonchalantly left for weeks as though it were no big deal. Was that the norm? Was Roy feeling abandoned? Dick felt guilty again as he realized he too had “abandoned” Roy. Not really, but when Roy found out he was Robin it had put a damper on something between them. Definitely not the sex, but something deeper had disappeared. Roy seemed different and distant. “Hello?”

Dick looked up. “Huh?” 

“I asked if you were hungry and you just ignored me.” Roy looked him over. “You sure your brain didn’t get waterlogged? Sorry I don’t know where to get you a new one of those. I would’ve bought you one a long time ago.” He smirked. 

Dick decided to go for a direct approach. “Why were you distant last night? Why did you beg me to stay today? Why were you crying?” Dick didn’t want any more avoidance or speculation. He wanted to know exactly what was going on with Roy. 

“What?” Roy attempted to show confusion.

“You heard me.” Dick stared him down. 

Roy slipped his hands in his pockets. “I don’t know why you’re making a big deal ab…”

“Roy.” Dick kept steady. “Please tell me.”

Roy’s eyes studied his face. “I already told you.”

“You…told me what?” Dick asked. Roy looked around in frustration and took off walking without another word. Dick followed swiftly, catching up to him around a corner. “Hey, I need to know!” Dick grabbed his shoulder. 

Roy spun, grabbing his wrist and pulling it to his chest. His other hand grabbing the back of Dick’s neck and pulling him tightly against his body, whispering harshly in his ear. “I told you already that the man I trusted, the one I thought I knew, the one you pretended to be never existed! I’ve been fucking you to keep myself from thinking about him. To keep myself from remembering what I felt whenever he was there. Before you took him away from me.”

Dick grew frustrated again at Roy’s stupidity. “I am him!” He growled and tried to shove away. “What don’t you understand?”

Roy pulled back slightly, looking at him with eyes that were angry and watering. “I don’t understand how you can think that you’re him.”

“I am! Nothing was different than what I am now. I was never acting! Everything was real!” Dick nearly yelled, pulling away even more. 

Roy’s gaze fell away as his head drooped. “You won’t understand.” He stepped back, letting go. “Nevermind. Can we just forget everything and start over?”

Dick took a moment to think. Maybe it was for the best to clean the slate. “Start over?”

“As friends?” Roy said with a slight smile.

Dick shook his head. “We’re already friends. I can’t forget all that we’ve had. I don’t want to start over.”

Roy clenched and unclenched his jaw. “Fine. But that means I still get to hold your betrayal against you.”

Dick nodded. “I’m prepared for that. I deserve that much. Just please tell me if something is wrong and I’ll try my hardest to help.”

Roy had a weird look come over him. One of almost pity. He nodded and looked around. “So, you hungry or not?” 

…

Dick spent the next few hours trying to be as normal as possible. He wanted to bring up the subject again, frustrated that there never seemed to be any real resolution of Roy’s feelings. He didn’t know what he could do to prove he was himself and that being Robin didn’t take away from who he was before. He just wanted to prove to Roy that nothing should change just because he knew he was Robin. 

They ended up driving out to the lookout spot they’d hung out at before. “I think Donna and Garth are breaking up.” Roy said after a pause in their conversation. 

Dick wasn’t surprised, but he was curious. “Why do you think that?”

Roy shrugged. “They’re a lot less lovey dovey. She’s almost too calm and not as bubbly as usual.”

Dick hummed. “Yeah, I wondered how long that would last.”

“You knew it wouldn’t?” Roy turned to glance at him. They were both leaning on the hood of the car overlooking the city. 

“I kinda figured. Garth is a very calm person and Donna, well… she’s the opposite. I knew they’d connected instantly and that maybe the whole opposites attract thing would work for them, but honestly I think they’re too different.”

“Yeah.” Roy huffed. “I told him to be honest and act like himself, or she would just kept mowing over him with what she wanted him to be like instead of actually seeing him as who he was. I told him if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be so he shouldn’t just give in just to please her. He needs to stand up for himself and actually have a personality.”

“You told him that? When?” Dick questioned. 

Roy chuckled. “When I was at Wally’s house with him. Did you know he invited Garth without telling me first? He trapped me into hanging out with him.”

“He wanted you two to get along. Wally is just a little naive and thought that by getting you two together outside of the team you’d become friends.” Dick admitted.

“You knew?” Roy scoffed. “Thanks for the heads up.”

Dick shook his head with a smile. “It was a nice gesture, be honest.”

“Yeah, but this isn’t kindergarten. You can’t make us hug and have everything be fine again.” Roy sighed. 

“Then why do you act like you’re in kindergarten?” Dick dug. “Why do you have to be so rude to Garth or the others?”

Roy let air out between his teeth. “I’m not rude.”

“Uh, you are.” Dick scoffed. “Especially to Garth and me.”

Roy huffed. “You deserve it.”

Dick rolled his eyes. “And Garth?” 

“Look, I’ve been trying to be nice since you asked me to before. You’re not even around to see me being nice to him.” Roy griped. 

“Ok, I believe you.” Dick said. “But why were you rude before?”

“Cuz the guy is odd. He freaks me out.” Roy shrugged. “And he was with Donna.”

“Ah.” Jealousy. Dick understood now. “So you were rude because you thought Donna should be with someone like you? Rich, attractive, outgoing, skilled, but instead she was with someone else?”

“I guess.” Roy shrugged. “He’s just… blah you know? He’s too quiet and never seems to understand surface life. He should just go home where he’s comfortable.”

Dick snorted. “Then you must’ve thought I was blah. You always commented that I was quiet and called me out for not being comfortable a few times.”

Roy pushed off the hood of the car and pointed at Dick. “No way, don’t even suggest I think of him like I think of you!”

Dick was surprised at the sudden outburst. Then it clicked. “Oh! Oh you’re mad that you find him attractive!” Dick laughed out loud. 

Roy turned away swiftly before turning back. “Do not. He’s weird.”

“Yeah and that’s why you’re pissed you think he’s cute!” Dick couldn’t contain his giggling. 

Roy cornered him against the hood and a play struggle between them started. Both were grinning as Roy tried to cover Dick’s mouth to stifle his laughter. “You need to shut your smart little mouth.” Roy teased, shoving his hand closer to Dick’s face. 

Dick turned his head away, still giggling and holding back Roy’s wrists. “Because I tell the truth?” 

“When have you ever told the truth?” Roy teased, flopping his whole weight on to Dick.

The car hood bowed under them and Dick gasped. “You’re gonna dent the car!” He laughed trying to shove him off. 

“Good.” Roy pulled his hands away and landed a kiss on Dick’s lips. 

Dick loosened his grip on Roy’s wrists and relaxed as Roy kept kissing him. He loved this feeling. The giddy butterflies that happened whenever they got close and started making out. They broke apart slightly, Roy’s nose rubbing against Dick’s softly. “Hmmm I like when you’re nice to me.” Dick smiled. 

Roy pulled away. “I can be nicer if you want. This car does have a backseat.” He smirked. 

“So you planned this?” Dick giggled. “Of course you did.”

Roy pulled him off the hood of the car and led him around, opening the back door of the car, and gesturing for him to get in. Dick let out a little laugh as he hopped in, pulling Roy in with him. “Slow down!” Roy laughed as Dick had pulled him into a kiss before he’d even fully entered the back seat. The door shut and they wrestled for position, with Roy finally just settling into the seat with Dick pulled into his lap. “Remind me to bring the limo next time.” Roy joked as they continued making out. 

Dick pulled away and looked down at him. “Still not enough room? What are you trying to do with me?”

Roy smiled and grabbed his face, pulling him close again. “Oh so many things.” He whispered as he kissed him softly. From here they’d usually fall into heated kisses and desperate clutches, but Roy was slow. He stayed soft, gently guiding Dick’s face to his before one hand slid to his chest placing his palm over his heart. “Dick.. I…”

Dick waited for Roy to continue. His lust subsided as he was patient. “What is it?” He asked softly as Roy had been quiet for a while. 

Roy’s eyes met his. “Please let me talk to you as my friend I knew.” Dick was slightly frustrated again at the delusion Roy had over him being different now, but nodded and stayed quiet. “I have to tell him something.”

Dick pushed away, sliding onto the seat next to him. Still close, just not right on top of him. “You can talk to me about anything.”

“I need to talk to the man I knew before.” Roy turned his body towards Dick. 

Dick would be annoyed if it weren’t for the look on Roy’s face. “Talk to me.” He said soothingly. 

“Promise not to be Robin about what I say?” Roy looked nervous. 

“Technically Robin is benched for the month so I can’t be him anyway.” Dick smiled, trying to make things lighter in mood. 

Roy closed his eyes before opening them and fixing Dick with the most intense look he’d ever seen from his friend. “I have to tell you, before it destroys me, but I’ve had a secret too.” He took in a deep breath. “I don’t want to keep it to myself anymore and I feel like I have to tell you before I can get back to truly being your friend.” Dick nodded, but stayed quiet. “I…” Roy froze, his mouth parted but then closed. “It probably doesn’t matter anyway.”

He turned away. “Hey.” Dick scooted forward in the seat, angling toward him. “Tell me. Please.” 

Roy looked at him again and then looked around out the windows. “There’s a reason I brought us back here. I wanted to tell you that this is the place that I fell in love with you.”

Dick thought he’d misheard. “What?”

Roy lifted a palm to Dick’s face, stroking his cheek with his thumb. “I couldn’t believe it at first, but it became obvious to me after that day. I was in love with you.” Dick was panicking internally. Was he losing his best friend? Was this an attempt to tell him they couldn’t be close anymore? “Was being the key word.” Roy said. “The minute you took off that mask and I realized the lie, I knew he had left me. He was gone. The one I’d fallen in love with was dead.”

Dick was desperately trying to comprehend the statements Roy had made. His assumption before that Roy had fallen for him and then lost feelings was correct. But that still didn’t explain why Roy hadn’t attempted to tell him before or ask for a relationship. If he was in love why wouldn’t he want to date? “I…” Dick didn’t know what to say first. 

“I know you’re going to say that you are still him, but why can’t you see from my view? Why can’t you see that I was in love with someone who I didn’t even know. I didn’t really know you, so how could that love be real?”

Dick understood now. He had ripped away the illusion of what Roy had seen, only to reveal the other side of the mirror. He thought back to when he was first taken in by Bruce. He had seen him as a generous benefactor at best and a neglectful wannabe parent at worst. But then he discovered the secret. Bruce was Batman. Everything he’d assumed about him dropped away and he became a new person in his eyes. It made sense. The only thing left was why Roy had been so anti-commitment if he truly believed himself in love. “Why did you say no strings attached then?” Dick mumbled. “Why would you say you’re in love with me and not want me?”

Roy surprised Dick with a bark of laughter. “Are you serious?” His hand dropped away from Dick’s face. 

Dick’s brows knit. “Yes.”

Roy sighed. “I don’t like commitment. I don’t think relationships are for me.”

Dick had to process for a second. “So even if you’re in love you won’t do anything about it?”

“I’ll do something, just not be in a situation that will lead to more heartbreak.” Roy admitted.

Dick had a sudden realization. Roy was afraid of being abandoned. Any relationship opened him up to being left behind again. He’d very clearly had enough experience with loss and not had enough time or motivation to recover. Dick had been wrong the whole time about Roy’s feelings. “I’m sorry.” He apologized.

“For what?” Roy said, turning toward him again. 

“For not realizing how you felt. For lying. For being an idiot and trying to be friends outside the team.” Dick sighed. “I caused all this.” 

Roy surprised him again by reaching out and touching his face gently once more. “I don’t blame you.” He held his gaze. “I shouldn’t have let myself get so attached. You tried to warn me. You tried to pull away. I didn’t listen.” 

“I didn’t know.” Dick said honestly. “I thought… when you said no strings attached and no feelings involved you meant it.”

Roy nodded. “I thought I did too. Then I realized that I had fallen for you and I had to keep saying it to convince myself that there was no feelings or attachments.” Dick closed his eyes, sitting with the confession for a moment. What were his own feelings for Roy? He’d never really allowed himself to think about it. “I know I said something crazy, but I wanted you to know. Now you’re aware of what happened and what I was feeling before now, I don’t want you to worry about me or my feelings. Believe me when I say that there are no more strings, or feelings, or attachments, or anything that should make you worry. Nothing is going to interfere with our friendship or teamwork.”

Dick had been reading Roy deeper than he ever had. He could hear the tension in his voice and see the attempt at comfort in his smile. He was still trying to convince himself that everything was okay but he was still struggling with the loss of his friend/love. Dick could only do what he thought was best for Roy and climbed back into his lap. “I promise that I’m here for you, regardless. I don’t want to hurt you again so please don’t keep your feelings a secret from me. I’m being honest with you from now on, so I expect the same from you.”

Roy nodded. “Don’t worry, those feelings are gone. Just the bittersweet memory of them remains.”

Dick should be relieved that Roy was not in love with him anymore, but something stabbed him in the heart as Roy kissed him. Why was he sad? He followed Roy’s lead in their slow easy kisses until his brain decided not to turn off and let him enjoy. Would Roy fall for him again? Was he in danger of hurting Roy again if that happened? Was all this really no strings attached? Was Roy lying about his feelings being gone? Dick pushed away. “Maybe we should head back now?”

Roy looked at him in confusion. “Sure, we can. Are you ok?”

Dick nodded. “Yeah, I just figured you wouldn’t want to be here with me and with what happened between us.”

“Why? What, are you afraid I’ll fall in love again?” Roy closed his eyes. “I’m not making that mistake again.” his cocky smirk wasn’t reassuring. 

Dick couldn’t help the longing in his chest. He felt sorry for Roy and what he’d done, even though it was unknowingly. “I’m sorry.”

Roy suddenly gripped his shoulders and flung him onto his back on the seat, climbing on top of him. “You’re sorry? You can be sorry you lied to me, but don’t be sorry about anything that’s my own fault!” 

Dick looked up at him waiting to see if he would talk again or if he’d take any action to move away. Instead he just leaned in and kissed him. Dick’s heart jumped into his throat as they connected and Roy pressed down on top of him. Bodies moved with a surprising amount of grace for being cooped up in a car’s backseat. “Oh!” Dick gasped as Roy shifted against him. Of course Roy had had condoms in his pocket, of course Roy had taken the bigger car on purpose, of course Roy had planned on bringing him here to the very spot he said he’d fallen in love. Dick had accepted that Roy was probably doing all this as some sort of therapeutic release. That in some way he needed this more than Dick did at the moment. Which was saying something, because Dick could hardly keep himself from begging for more. “Roy!” he groaned and arched beneath him. Roy’s eyes were closed and his rhythm steady. He was breathing heavily and gripping Dick’s hips harshly. Something was different about this time. Roy wasn’t his usual self, but Dick had decided that was just because of his confession earlier. He was still feeling some sort of emotion from it most likely. “Roy, look at me.”

Roy opened his eyes, his motions stopping. They held eye contact for a moment before Roy let out a shaky breath. “Can I fuck you?”

Dick felt a smile creeping over his lips. “You are fucking me.”

Roy looked intense again. The same look as before. “Can I fuck you like I would have back then. Back when I was in love?”

Dick’s heart sped up as he gazed up into Roy’s eyes. Roy wanted to pretend he was still in love? He felt his stomach drop, but then a blooming of a wish in his chest made him nod. “You can fuck me anyway you want.” 

Roy’s lips met his for a brief moment. “Not just fuck you, make love to you. Right here where it started.”

Dick nodded. “Please.” His head was foggy and his heart was doing flips. 

Roy’s breath shook again and his movements resumed. He was far from robotic this time and didn’t seem to hold back. He was kissing Dick deeply and pulling away to stare into his eyes. Dick’s heart felt like it would explode as Roy moaned his name and quickened his pace. “Fuck, baby, you feel so good.”

Dick was breathless as he could feel his wave of pleasure growing. Roy slid a hand behind his neck as he drew near again, falling into a kiss. He was glad he was flexible as Roy had brought one leg up to curl on his shoulder, the other wrapped around Roy’s waist as he pounded into him. “You feel good too!” He managed to gasp out.

Roy was nearing release, Dick could feel his grip tighten and his muscles start to tense as he frantically fucked him. “Shit!” He whispered as his chest rose and fell rapidly. Dick could feel him cumming and moaned as he collapsed on him, panting in his ear. “I love you.” Dick was struggling to breathe and process. It wasn’t real. Roy didn’t mean it. He only meant it in the past tense of when he had feelings. He didn’t mean it now. Roy’s head was next to his own, his breath caressing his ear as he brought himself back to reality. “Sorry, I couldn’t hold back.”

Dick wrapped his arms around him holding him close. “I don’t mind.” He wanted to assure Roy he wasn’t going to abandon him. That he would be his friend forever. “I’m here.”

Roy kissed his cheek gently tracing a path to his lips. “Back to reality?”

Dick could only fake a smile and nod. Why was this sad? Why did he feel so discouraged? He needed time to think, but how could he get space from Roy without being distant again? He couldn’t leave him alone now. Not when he had just opened his heart to him. “We can play more back at your place.” He suggested. 

“I like the sound of that.” Roy smirked, kissing him again before pulling out and backing off. “Promise I’ll tire you out so you can sleep tonight.”

Dick chuckled. “You better.” Their drive back to Roy’s home was full of silence and quiet pauses. Dick wanted to say something comforting and helpful, but his brain wouldn’t think. He’d have to wait for it to start working again and hopefully things would return to normal between them. Just friends. Nothing more. 

Chapter Text

Dick rolled over in bed, reaching for his phone. After their weekend together things had gone back to “normal” with Dick staying at the manor and Roy off with the Titans. They were still texting and talking every day, meeting up a few times a week to hangout or fuck. Dick still didn’t know how that would go once he was back in uniform. He’d avoided the topic of Robin as much as possible and also stayed away from mentioning Roy’s feelings. He had a constant gnawing worry that Roy would just fall for him again and he’d have to break his heart all over. But at the same time he was selfish and followed along with whatever Roy wanted to do with him. He’d also gotten over the initial awkwardness of a friend with benefits. Everything felt natural between them now. It wasn’t weird for Roy to just hold his hand, or lean in and kiss him when they were alone. Dick found that he didn’t mind and reciprocated the actions. He checked his messages and saw Roy’s usual good morning text. Dick smiled, his heart warming in his chest. He sent back his own greeting and yawned as he stretched. He had a full schedule today followed by gym time. Just because he wasn’t wearing the costume, didn’t mean he could slack off on training routines or gymnastics for his cover. 

“Great form.” One of the other athletes commented. Bruce had lots of gymnastic equipment in the cave, but Dick liked to get away from home, and needed to be seen out and about sometimes. Besides, he'd been avoiding Bruce a little just so he didn't get tempted to ask to be Robin again sooner or even get benched for longer. 

“Thanks.” He adjusted his grips. 

“I’ve actually wanted to ask if you’d give me some pointers?” The man smiled expectantly. 

“Uh. Yeah. Sure.” Dick was flattered and a little proud that someone would come to him for advice. 

He spent the rest of his gym time instructing the other man and working on his own skills. Coming home that night he got a text from Roy. “Come over?”

Dick chuckled and sighed. “I’m exhausted. I just got back from gymnastics.”

“That’s ok, I won’t make you do anything. We could just cuddle.” He answered back. “Or you could just lay there ;) I don’t mind doing all the work for you.”

Dick smiled and typed. “Maybe. I’m showering first, then I’ll see how I am.” Dick could feel the familiar pull of desire and the want to be near Roy. He also felt the fatigue and how his muscles would be sore in the morning. He thought back to his routine and how he’d coached another gymnast. They’d even scheduled another session for tomorrow morning. He’d felt so at home with instructing and leading, just like when he was Robin with the Titans. Maybe he should go into coaching. He wondered if Bruce would help him open his own gym one day. Then he could teach gymnastics and have a “job” that wasn’t vigilante work. Would he ever want to stop being a vigilante? He knew he could create his own identity and legacy outside of Batman, but did he really want to skip out on a normal life? He thought about the prospect of not doing anything in the hero community and likened it to his current hiatus as Robin. Could he live like this? 

He shook himself out of the thoughts he’d been trapped in and went to shower finally. It took him forever to get clean and ready for bed with the debate still going on in his head. Walking back to his bedroom he was shocked to find Roy in his bed. “Thought I’d come help you sleep.” 

Dick snorted. “How did you get in?” 

“Alfred let me in. I said you’d invited me over for the night and he let me right up.” Roy grinned. “I just got here two minutes ago, but I thought you’d be done showering before I was here.” 

“Yeah, I was just spaced out for a bit.” Dick admitted. 

“You work out so hard it tanked your brain?” Roy smirked. 

“Something like that. I was just thinking about the guy I was coaching tonight.” Dick shrugged. 

“Oh.” Roy suddenly looked disappointed. “Why is he cute?” He was back to teasing. 

“Huh?” Dick was confused. “Oh, not like that. I was thinking about becoming a coach.” 

“You’d be perfect for that. You love to yell and boss people around.” Roy’s eyebrows twitched playfully. 

Dick sighed. “I don’t love it. I just feel like I’m good at instructing, that’s all. I’ve thought about opening a gymnasium and becoming a coach. As a backup to being a hero of course.” 

“Backup?" Roy hummed. "I don’t think I want to do anything else. You’re not enjoying your time off too much are you? I know I’ve made your break feel amazing, but imagine if I wasn’t around.” He chuckled. “You’d be bored.”

Dick did imagine it. He felt the pain of being lonely and not having his friend there. He thought about not having him as an intimate partner anymore and his stomach sank. He knew somewhere in the back of his mind that this had to end eventually, but something about losing Roy right now was unthinkable. “I don’t want to think about that. I like you.” It was an innocuous statement, but the minute it came out of his mouth, Dick’s heart started hammering. 

Roy chuckled. “Yeah it’d be a bummer if I wasn’t around. You’d need to find someone who could make you beg as much as I do.” He boasted cockily, but Dick wasn’t listening. He went back into his bathroom and closed the door, leaning against the sink. I like you? He had meant it as a normal complement. A statement only. But his heartbeat had spiked and he had blushed heavily. I like you, had felt a lot more like I love you in that moment, and Dick was shaken. He didn’t know what to do and ended up sitting on the floor trying to breathe. He knew his connection with Roy had deepened and that he was attracted to him, obviously, but could these feelings clawing at his throat and ribs be love? The desire to be close and intimate with someone wasn’t uncommon, but could he actually have more than a crush on Roy? He almost felt like throwing up with how quickly the stress of realization had set in and wrecked him. “Hey, you ok?” Roy called from outside the door.

“Yeah!” Dick managed to get the response out of his throat, even though he felt like he was choking. 

“You don’t sound ok.” Roy challenged. 

“I’m fine!” Dick couldn’t be seen like this. Sitting on the bathroom floor still in a towel, trying to hold back a panic attack. He probably looked pathetic.

The bathroom door handle turned. “I swear, if I come in there and you’re not ok…” Roy paused, staring down at him. “Fucking knew it.” He knelt beside him. “What’s going on? Did you hurt yourself at gymnastics? Where’s the pain?”

Dick couldn’t tell him it was his heart that was hurting. He couldn’t let the tears fall. “I…”

“Come on, breathe.” Roy coached. 

Dick started taking deep breaths and attempting to ground himself again. After a few minutes he opened his eyes. “Sorry. I think I had a panic attack.”

Roy’s face screwed up in confusion. “Why?”

Dick shook his head. “I…I don’t know.” He lied. 

“Those happen often?” Roy questioned softly.

“No.” Dick stood with Roy’s help. Roy led him out into his room and found him something to wear. “I guess I’ve just been under strain lately.”

“You’re supposed to be off duty, what’s got you strained?” Roy chuckled, sitting next to him on his bed. 

Dick sighed. “More than you’d expect.” He looked at Roy, studying his face and gazing into his eyes, while analyzing the feelings it gave him. He glanced at his lips and his heart started pounding again as Roy leaned in to give him a chaste kiss. 

“You need rest.” Roy backed off and went over to where his shoes and overnight bag were. “I’ll see you tomorrow if you’re free. 

He was leaving. “NO!” Dick stood. 

Roy looked surprised. “You don’t want to see me tomorrow?”

Dick laughed nervously. “No, I meant I don’t want you to leave. Will you stay?”

Roy smirked. “Only if you really want me to.”

“I do.” Dick tried to breathe evenly and keep calm. 

Roy pulled him into bed and held him close. He felt relieved to have him there, he felt alive, hopeful, calm. He wanted to enjoy this for the moment and not fall back into panic. It had been a momentary lapse of reality. Roy didn’t love him, and he didn’t love Roy. “Do you want to talk about what triggered you earlier? Did I do or say something?” Roy questioned. 

“No, and I don’t want to talk about it.” Dick snuggled closer into Roy’s arms. 

“Ok.” Roy held him tighter. “Wanna talk more about your coaching gig? I do think you’d be good.”

Dick smiled with a slight blush. “Thank you. I…” He felt like an idiot for not seeing sooner how much his feelings were romantic in nature, not just pure lust. “I think it might be good for me to explore.”

“Weren’t you signing up for college or something? That could be a goal.” Roy asked. “We could go together.” 

“We could… I went for one semester, but then dropped out. There was too much stuff going on in Gotham and… Well, I think the Titans and Batman needed me more.” Dick confessed. 

“Ok, so no college. Then I guess your gym idea is perfect. Hire some other coaches to run things while you’re out and no one will think anything is strange about you being gone a lot.” Roy encouraged. 

Dick loved that he was so uplifting and supportive to his ideas. He felt the joy in his heart quickly fade however as he realized this wasn’t how Roy acted around him as Robin. Of course he hadn’t had much time to view their dynamic together now that Roy knew his secret, but would Roy still treat him combatively rather than this soft encouragement? "Robin duties definitely keep me more busy than college would permit me. I’d have to cut back on being in uniform. Maybe I’d go back to how it was, growing up with Batman. School during the day and vigilante stuff at night.” He sighed. “But then I’d be leaving the Titans to fend for themselves during the day and…”

“We’re not useless by day Dick. If you wanna work nights and emergencies only, I’d be happy.” Roy said with a slight scoff in his voice. 

“You…” Dick pulled away from Roy’s arms and sat up, looking down at him. “You still don’t like me as Robin.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever like you as Robin.” Roy smirked and Dick couldn’t tell if it was a joke. 

“Would you try if I asked? I want you to like me when I’m in my role as leader, not just when I’m in my civilian identity. We’re not different people.” He pouted. “If you don’t like him you don’t like me.” Dick tried to keep his frustration from rising as he sat silently. Roy wasn’t responding, and he wouldn’t make eye contact. “Roy?”

He watched his Adam’s apple bob and gaze slowly lift to his own. “I don’t know yet.”

Dick groaned and moved away from Roy to lay down. “I just don’t know how I can convince you that you’re with him when you’re with me and vice versa.” Roy didn’t answer, and he didn’t move. Eventually Dick turned over to look at him. He wasn’t asleep, but his eyes were closed. Dick had to sigh inwardly at the silliness of the situation and scooted closer, kissing Roy’s forehead. Roy’s arms reached out to him and Dick was content in staying there and not talking. The next day had Dick going back to the gymnastics building and Roy tagging along. They talked about anything but Robin and the Titans. Dick was kind of annoyed, but wanted to keep the peace. With the realization that he liked Roy he didn’t want to lose him so soon. They spent time hanging out and talking while Dick practiced until the man Dick had been coaching last night showed up and asked for more pointers. 

“Is your boyfriend jealous?” The man he was coaching inquired. 

“What?” Dick puzzled, highly confused as to what he was being asked. 

“The redhead over in the stands. He keeps glaring at me.” The man smirked, making eye contact with Dick. 

Dick glanced over at Roy and sure enough his face was scowling before he glanced away. “No. He’s just a friend.”  

“Could’ve fooled me.” The man nudged his arm. “He’s gonna scare people off if you keep him around. By the way, how do you get your grips to stay in place?” Dick chose to ignore the comments about Roy and helped the man to figure out what the problem was. “Hey, I gotta go, but have fun with your boyfriend.” The man teased as he headed toward the lockers. 

Dick snorted. His stomach squirming nervously at the thought of Roy being his boyfriend. “Whatever, see you soon.” He couldn’t afford to think too deeply about it. He grabbed his towel to wipe his face and made his way over to where Roy was sitting. “Why do you look pissed?” Dick asked. “If you’re bored you can leave or use the equipment.”

“I’m not bored. I like watching you.” Roy smiled half heartedly. 

“Ok.” Dick didn’t want to admit what his trainee had said and just grabbed his stuff to leave. “We should go check out the new arcade they opened over in…”

Roy cut off his sentence. “What did he say about me?”

“What?” Dick feigned not knowing what he was talking about. 

“The guy said something to you that made you look at me.” He said. “What was it?” 

Dick was unsure of how to tell him. “He was asking who you were and why you were glaring so much.” Dick shrugged simply. 

“I wasn’t glaring.” Roy scoffed, arms folding over his chest. 

“You were glaring.” Dick chuckled. “You’re still glaring.” He teased. 

Roy rolled his eyes. “I just have resting bitch face.”

“Not like that you don't.” Dick snorted. 

Roy didn’t answer right away. “Fine. Arcade?”

Dick was exhausted with Roy by now, but still wanted to hang out with him. “Only if you stop glaring at me.” He laughed. 

Dick went into the gym showers to freshen up and change. He was fixing his hair in the mirror when his trainee left the locker room. “Have a good night!” He waved and sat down to finish packing up his bag. He zoned out for a second thinking about what the man had called Roy. His boyfriend. Why did that phrase make him so giddy and so mad at the same time? 

“That guy came and talked to me while you were in the lockers.” Roy said as they drove.  

“Oh?” Dick grew nervous, gripping the steering wheel. 

“Yeah. Said he was sorry if he offended me by being in close proximity to you.” He scoffed with a grin. “Get this, he thought you were my boyfriend!” Roy laughed. 

Dick shrugged. “I mean I could be.” 

“What the fuck did you just say?!” Dick was shocked at the amount of vitriol that Roy displayed. Why did Roy sound so hateful and angry at the idea?

Dick didn’t know how to respond. “I meant….” He was caught between a million different emotions. “I meant people could perceive us as boyfriends. That’s all.” 

“Did you tell him you were my boyfriend!?” Roy remained angry. 

“No! I told him you weren’t! He didn’t believe me!” Dick tried to explain. He was glad he was driving and didn’t have to look at Roy. He didn’t think he could handle a face to face conversation right now. “He thought you were glaring at him because he was close to me. He asked if we were together and I told him that we were only friends.” Dick hurriedly explained. “He didn’t seem to believe me.”

“Why wouldn’t he believe you? What else did you say?” Roy’s voice had gotten quieter, but no less angry. 

“Nothing. He came to that conclusion because of you. He thought you were jealous.” Dick explained. 

Roy let out a sharp hiss through his teeth. “As if.” They were silent until Dick parked near the arcade. “Hey.” Roy said softly. “I’m sorry I freaked out on you. I… Would I sound stupid if I said it’s me not you?” Dick stayed quiet, not wanting to interrupt where Roy was going with that statement. “Remember when I said I don’t do relationships?” Dick nodded. “For some reason I… every time I think about being in a committed relationship, my fight or flight activates hard. And the fact that I thought you… I thought you'd inferred something to him and I felt trapped. I’m sorry.” 

Dick understood, but felt bad for Roy. That he could get so defensive over the mere suggestion of a relationship didn’t bode well for any hopes for being together. Luckily Dick had only just discovered his feelings for Roy so he hadn’t even had time to consider what kind of connection he wanted. “Have you talked to anyone about this?” Dick wondered aloud. 

“You mean like, professionally?” Roy asked. “No.” Dick wasn’t going to pressure him. “I probably should. I know it’s not normal for me to get angry or panic at the thought of having to commit, but it just happens.”

“You know commitment is your choice right? No one is going to force you into a relationship.” Dick said, still staring forward out the windshield. 

“Yeah. I fucking know that, but it doesn’t help my reaction to thinking about it. I feel like whenever someone brings up the ‘so what are we?’ talk, they’re trying to trap me forever.”

Dick smiled slightly. It wasn’t supposed to be funny. “You also know that relationships aren’t permanent right? You can always end things.”

Roy was quiet. Dick was brave and glanced his way for the first time. Roy looked like he was considering something deeply. “Logically I know that, but … my brain just thinks I’m doomed if anyone gets too close.” He sighed, raking a hand through his hair. “Ok. I’ll think about this later. Still want to go inside?”

Dick nodded and smiled to put Roy at ease. “You sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah. Maybe I’ll look into therapy like you suggested.” He chuckled. “I wonder what their cure would be? Micro dose being in a relationship till I can stand to date long term?” He laughed at the absurdity of his comment. 

“That might work for you honestly.” Dick suggested. 

“What are you saying? That I should find someone that only wants to date me for a week?” Roy scoffed, his voice full of sarcasm. 

“Sure.” Dick felt his heart speed up before his next suggestion. “If you wanted, I could help.”

Roy looked confused. “You?”

“Yeah.” Dick shrugged as casually as he could. “This is my last free week. We're already physical with each other. You could pretend to be my boyfriend for the week and then we break up afterwards, would you be interested?”

"You'd do that for me?" Roy swallowed, inhaling deeply. “I still don’t… maybe start smaller. Can you be my boyfriend for today?”

Dick was surprised at how excited he felt. Every pleasure center was lighting up in his brain probably. “Yeah. I can do that.” As they headed inside, Roy grabbed Dick’s hand. Holding it like they were in an actual relationship. It wasn’t the first time, but it felt different this time. They were in public, where anyone would know they were together. Their time in the arcade was spent like new lovers. Constant touching and teasing, kissing and flirting. It was all so amazing and Dick secretly found himself liking the idea too much. He’d never push for more though. If only for Roy's sake. They spent the day together as a couple would. Giggling at all the sappy cliche things they could do. They’d found a photo booth at one point and made their poses as cutesy as possible. Dick laughed at the pictures. “Look how cute we are!” He teased. 

Roy smirked. “Obviously all the cuteness comes from me.” They ribbed each other back and forth until Roy threw his arm around Dick’s shoulders and kissed his cheek. “Yes, you’re cute too. I wouldn’t be your boyfriend for a day if you weren’t.” He winked with a teasing grin. 

They went back to the manor as the day was winding down and Roy seemed antsy. Dick was realizing he didn’t want the day to end, but he couldn’t see Roy this jumpy for no reason. He had to cut it off. “Do you want to break up now?” Dick suggested, hoping he could show Roy that he wasn’t trapped. 

Roy looked at him and smiled, but it was hollow. “I think I can make it till tonight.”

Dick shook his head. “You look as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.” He copied a phrase he'd learned from Superman. 

Roy snorted. “God I love the weird things you say.” He chuckled. Dick had successfully put him at ease again. “Can we agree that this ends at midnight?” 

“Ah, Cinderella rules eh?” Dick smiled. “I’m fine with that.” He held back his hurt. “Time is running out though, what do you want to do as a couple before that happens?”

Roy stepped forward pulling Dick into his arms. “Well, obviously I…” Roy stopped as his pocket buzzed. Titan’s comm. “Well, I guess I have to go.” 

Dick was disappointed, but knew that was going to be a possibility for Roy even in a real relationship. “Go!” He smiled. “I’ll be fine.”

“Um, before I go, I wanted to know if you would want to come over and stay at my place tonight?” Roy asked, almost seeming jittery. 

“Sure. I’ll be there when you get home I guess.” Dick smiled. 

What a disaster. Dick had to take a moment to think as he packed an overnight bag. He couldn’t keep this up. He couldn’t keep connecting himself to Roy and falling for him if there was no way to move forward. Roy couldn’t even last a day of being in a relationship and he didn’t love him anymore. He still hated him as Robin and when they were both back together on the team that might explode, wrecking everything that they’d formed so far. How could he get Roy to see him for who he was? See him as the same person? “Master Dick, are you going elsewhere tonight?” Alfred questioned as he walked past his room and caught Dick packing his bag. 

“Yeah, I’m spending time with Roy once he gets back from the Titan’s mission.” Dick said truthfully, turning away to hide the tinge of his blushing cheeks. 

“Forgive my forwardness but, you seem to be spending an awful lot of time with him. And perhaps sleeping in the same bed even?” Alfred’s tone wasn’t accusatory, but it was inquisitive. 

Of course Alfred would notice none of the other guest beds had been occupied and no extra blankets or pillows had been claimed for Roy to have slept anywhere else but Dick’s bed. “Is that a bad thing?” Dick cringed, still not turning to face him. 

“Not at all. I just wonder if I should be setting extra places at dinners or perhaps looking to make him a spare key.” Alfred’s expression was knowing and teasing as Dick whirled to look at him. 

“I… no, I just… we’re just friends.” Dick stammered. 

“I didn’t imply otherwise.” Alfred seemed pleased in himself. 

Dick bit his lip. “Roy and I…”

“I don’t need to know unless you’re willing to share.” Alfred said simply. “Just let me know what master Bruce is aware of so that I don’t let any secrets slip.”

Dick smiled. “Thank you Alfred. I’m currently in a difficult situation with Roy. We… We like each other, but he said that he fell out of love with me once he learned that I was Robin. I can’t blame him obviously. He seems to still want our closeness and affection, but doesn’t want to acknowledge me as Robin. He also seems allergic to relationships in general so there’s nothing there to be looking forward to.” He admitted, his heart falling. 

“Difficult indeed.” Alfred stepped into the room. “And you return his affection and desire for closeness?”

Dick nodded. “Just recently I realized I like him as more than a friend. Took me long enough to figure it out.” He pouted. “But he doesn’t like relationships. He doesn’t want to be together and I don’t know how to feel about it.”

“And is it better that you know now about how you feel, rather than before his rejection of love?” Alfred inquired. 

Oh. Dick hadn’t thought about that. If he’d been in love with Roy before the reveal and then learned of Roy’s feelings dying, that would probably have hurt worse. “I… I guess I am better prepared for rejection now. I’m not losing anything because I know it’s already gone.” Dick sighed. 

Alfred came closer and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “I know emotions are complicated, and you are both still very young, but do not feel like all hope is lost. You still have a considerable connection from what I can see. And not every relationship has to be one of happily ever after. The amount of ‘friends’ that I witnessed come through this home for Bruce when he was younger…” Alfred drew in a deep breath. “Even I had my own personal experiences in youth with people who were there for a time, but not forever.”  He squeezed Dick’s shoulder. “All I’m trying to say is take this one day at a time and don’t hold any expectations over it. You’ll find that trying too hard to hold on, will only cause whatever you’re holding to break.”

Dick swallowed and nodded. “I don’t know if I’ve ever thought about having feelings for someone and not being in a relationship with them. That was never something I was presented with. Even Bruce’s flings were still called his girlfriends while they were here. At least the ones the public knew about and… and I’m guessing he might have had… are there some people he even hid from me?” 

Alfred smiled wisely. “There may have been. But committed relations should be for people who are both on the same page and in agreement about their feelings. And they are not a requirement for someone to be complete, or for their feelings to be legitimate.” 

Dick nodded. “I think I understand. I just wish this weren’t so complicated.”

Alfred turned Dick to face him. “That unfortunately will always be an issue when it comes to matters of the heart. But just don’t fall into the trap of thinking you are owed or you owe anyone anything as far as your intimacy goes.”

“I’ll remember." Dick nodded. "Oh and Bruce doesn't know. Please don't tell him.” 

“What you choose to do with another person is none of my business. And I dare say none of Bruce’s business. I’m not going to tell him any of this, but if he somehow finds out, just know you don’t owe him an explanation.” Alfred smiled. “Take care tonight.” He patted his shoulder and turned to leave. “I believe master Bruce is planning on talking to you about Robin duties this weekend.” Dick nodded and finished packing his things. At least he had Alfred’s secrecy and maybe approval. He didn’t dare bring up anything to Bruce about his current complications. Not until he knew for sure what was happening. Everything felt so chaotic and in flux. He was able to get Roy to be his boyfriend for a day, but even that didn’t seem to bode well for any future between them. Did Dick even want a future between them? He had found his feelings, yes, but now with what Alfred said, and Roy’s hesitancy to commit… Was this really what he wanted to try for? Did he really like Roy that much?

...

“You awake?” Roy was crawling into bed and Dick opened his eyes. He’d passed out in Roy’s bed after worrying so much had taken a toll on him.

“I am now.” He mumbled curling back against Roy’s body. “How was the mission?”

“It was fine.” He started laying kisses on Dick’s face and neck. “The team wanted to go out and celebrate, but I said I had to get home.” His affections continued, slow touches and kisses passing over Dick’s skin. 

“Yeah?” Dick chuckled. “Any specific reason why?” 

“Well, I wouldn’t tell the team this, but I was excited to go home and sleep with my boyfriend.” Roy whispered. 

Dick’s heart leapt, his lips smiling at the phrase. “Are we…”

“Still twenty minutes to midnight.” Roy hummed. “Imagine what we can do.”

Dick’s heart fell. He wasn’t used to sleeping this early and had assumed… it really wasn’t past midnight yet? “It feels later.” He propped up to look at the clock. Sure enough, not midnight yet.

“Come on babe, help me out?” Roy questioned as he  motioned to the bulge below his waistband. 

Dick nodded. He wanted this. He wanted Roy. He tried to push aside the disappointment of not being in a relationship for real. “Please hurry.” He looked into Roy’s eyes hoping to convey his feelings. “I’ve never made love to a boyfriend before.”

Roy smiled. “That we have in common.” He claimed Dick’s lips and began their passionate exchange. It was different tonight. It was reminiscent of the night Roy had confessed his love and had pretended it still lived on. Tonight felt like they were both lost in that haze of love and it felt deeper, more meaningful than ever. Dick had to bite his lip to keep from telling Roy how he really felt. The whole time, the back of his brain was repeating the words I love you, over and over again, even after they came together and were cuddling in the afterglow. Dick couldn’t tell him anything for fear of losing him forever. “Damn.” Roy kissed him again. “You’re even better at that when you play boyfriend.” 

Dick held back what he really wanted to say. “Too bad it’s midnight.” He said as the clock changed. 

“Yeah.” Roy sighed. “That was a fun day, but still not for me. No offense, but I’m just gonna stay single forever.”

Dick thought back to what Alfred had said. A committed relationship wasn’t a requirement for feelings, or to make one complete. Maybe Dick could learn to live like this. In any case he needed to be ok with this for now and decided he could enjoy Roy as they were for now. Even though Roy’s kisses to his forehead and his thumb softly caressing his shoulder felt like home. His only worries now should be his rejoining the team, and seeing Roy's reaction to him in costume again. But he could think about that later. 

Chapter Text

“Good job. You’re cleared for duty.” Batman said as Robin finished his physical tests. “Come out on patrol with me.”

“Really?” Dick was excited to be returning to action. 

“Yes. I’ll be glad to have you back.” Batman paused. “But I think one more week away from the Titans would be good for you. Work this week with me and you’re free to go back full time.”

He nodded knowing not to argue. That would make five weeks away from his team. He was eager to get back, but maybe one more week would help him settle his heart more, before reuniting Robin and Speedy in full costume. He’d been convincing himself that he could gain Roy’s trust completely again once they were working together. That he could finally get Roy to open up and realize he was one and the same. That his personality didn’t magically disappear when he put the mask on. “Do we have a case to follow tonight, or will we be patrolling?” He asked. 

Bruce smiled slightly. “Just patrolling. Just us. I’ve missed having you around and I’m sorry I haven’t been spending much time with you out of uniform. I've been busy and I didn’t know if you wanted me around.”

Dick nodded. “I haven’t been around much either honestly. I’ve been working on routines at the gym or hanging out with Roy.” He admitted. “Speaking of, I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”

“About Harper?” Bruce asked. 

“Uh, no.” Dick didn’t think he should say anything at this moment. “About possibly becoming a gymnastics coach and owning my own gym.” He smiled lightly. 

Bruce’s eyebrows rose. “I think you’d be wonderful at that. You’re a natural leader and very talented.” 

Dick’s heart swelled at the compliment. “I think that’s what I want to do when I’m not doing this.” He gestured around him. 

“Sure beats being a playboy CEO.”  Bruce chuckled. 

“I don’t know.” Dick grinned. “Let me take over for you and I’ll let you know which is better.”  

“Oh I wouldn’t doom you to my fate. Please go do something you actually love.” Bruce encouraged with a sly grin.  

“Who knows Bruce, I might love acting vapid and notching my bed posts until they’re gone.” Dick teased.  

“Hey now.” Bruce warned with a smile. They shared a laugh and left for patrol in Gotham. “I like the idea of you having a gym. I’ll be your first investor if you’ll accept.” 

Dick was excited by the prospect. “Yes! I’d love that. Thank you.” 

“I admit I feel like I’ve been holding you back and I want to fix that.” Batman admitted.  

“How have you been holding me back?” Robin asked in confusion. 

“You didn’t finish college because of Robin.” He said gruffly.  

Dick huffed. “You didn’t finish college because of Batman.” 

Bruce’s jaw clenched. “And that is why I want a different life for you than for me. This mission is mine, I never meant for it to control you as well.” 

“It doesn’t control me. I do it because I want to. I do it because you taught me to care about others more than myself.” Dick insisted.  

“With the way you told your team your secret identity I believe you.” Batman said.  

“You’re not still mad at me for that are you?” Robin cringed.  

“Not mad, concerned.” He corrected. “I never want to put you in danger if I don’t have to.” 

“I’m in danger every time we work, B.” Robin chuckled, staring out at the city.   

“Yes but you’ve been trained and you’re ready. I trust you out here with me. With the reveal there could be threats that you’re not prepared for. That we’re not prepared for.” Batman warned gently.  

“I understand.” Dick said. “But you must know I’m doing what’s best for my team first.”  

“I do understand. Even if I may not agree.” Bruce added. There was a pause in their conversation. “About things I may not agree with, you said before that you’d become close with your friend Roy. I want you to have friends of course, but how did he take your reveal? I’m guessing you two are getting along, if you’re still spending so much time together.” 

Robin laughed slightly. “About that… he uh… he didn’t take it well at first, but better than I thought he would. I honestly thought he’d go scorched earth on me, but surprisingly he's still my friend. Only…” Dick paused. 

“Only what?” Batman encouraged him to speak. 

“Only, he doesn’t seem to be able to think of me as the same person now. I think he’s kinda separated Robin from Dick and even me then from me now. I don’t know how to get him to see it’s still me. He seems to think I have a separate personality now than I did before he found out for whatever reason. But he still hates Robin and is best friends with Dick. It’s maddening!” He groaned. 

“I’m sorry.” Batman said. “Give him time.”

“It’s been four weeks!” Robin scoffed. 

“Maybe he needs longer.” Bruce added. 

“Yeah, but how long?” Dick didn’t mean to sound so whiny. 

“I could mention something to Ollie and have him check in with him.” He suggested. 

Robin shook his head. “I don’t want Roy to know I'm talking to you about him. He already calls Robin batnarc and knows I was meant to keep an eye on the Titans for you. I don’t need him thinking I spill my guts to Brucie Wayne as well.”

Batman hummed. “Fair. Is there a reason he wants your personas to be separate?”

“I… I think he wants a friend that’s not his boss.” He shrugged. There was no way he would tell Bruce the truth of Roy being in love with him before the reveal that he was Robin. “I think he’s just trying to hold onto some normalcy, something he can control. If I can be his friend and he can rely on me he won’t be so alone, but if I’m Robin he can’t trust me and that scares him. I’m kinda nervous about going back to the team if I’m honest. I don’t want to lose my friend, but I need him to be my teammate. That’s why I’m spending so much time with him. That and other things. So hopefully I don’t lose him.”

“Other things?” Bruce questioned. 

Dick cringed. “Yeah, I actually like having a friend. You should try it sometime.”

…

Robin finally returned to the Titans. The team even threw a party for him that got interrupted by a mission, but all of them were happy to have him back. Even a comment from Speedy about him being bossy still was met with “Lucky us!” from Wally, and “Wouldn’t have it any other way!” from Donna. 

They were successful in their mission and returned to base to finish their celebration. Robin was engaged in catching up with the team after his absence from them and settled into being comfortable talking about his real life. He had removed his gloves, utility belt, and mask to make himself more comfortable and found that it felt natural to drop his defenses around the team. 

“I like seeing your eyes.” Donna commented. “I feel like I can read you better.” She teased, leaning in to whisper. “And I bet Roy likes them too.” She giggled at his blush. 

“Donna.” He smiled at her antics, but let it fade. “I’m sorry about you and Garth breaking up.”

She shrugged. “It’s ok. We’re just friends now. We still have a connection, but we just weren’t good together romantically. How are you and Roy?” 

Dick’s mouth settled into a line. “In the middle of finding out if we’re in a matching situation with you.”

She frowned. “Not good romantically?” 

“I wouldn’t know. He thinks relationships are a death sentence and tries to separate Robin from Dick.” He admitted. 

Her face was full of sympathy. “I’m sorry. I can only imagine. Do you want to be in a relationship with him?” 

Did he? “Maybe. I… I thought so.”

“But?” She led.  

“But not if he’s going to be tortured by it.” Dick didn’t like the way Roy had acted when he felt trapped.  

“I see. Maybe he needs some time to get to know you here? Garth and I have been actively learning about each other recently. I think we're closer now than when we were together.” She smiled softly, something sad lingering in her eyes. 

“But what about your feelings for each other?” Dick asked. 

“What about them?” Her eyebrows lowered. 

“You still like each other and have romantic feelings I assume. What do you do about that?” How could they stand to be near each other and not engage?  

“I just realize that I care for him in a special way and continue being his friend. Is that why you’re so bothered about Speedy? You have romantic feelings and don’t know what to do about it since a relationship is off the table?” She whispered.  

“Yes. I know it’s not a requirement for us to be together just because we have feelings, but I… I guess I never thought…” He shook his head, unable to articulate. 

“It’s hard when reality doesn’t live up to expectations.” She comforted. “You thought having feelings meant automatically being in a relationship. Reality dictates that it’s not that easy.”

He nodded. “So I’m learning.” 

The next few days passed and Robin fell seamlessly back into team lead. He’d been friendly with everyone including Roy, but they hadn’t been as physical or close since he rejoined the team. The Titans had been called out on a hostage situation and he had directed the team to successfully take out the assailants and rescue the victims. The only thing not going according to plan was Speedy. 

“Did you really need to do that today?” Robin followed Speedy into his room on base to continue the discussion they’d been having. “We were all working together fine, until today. You went rogue.” 

“Rogue?” Speedy questioned. “You’re doing that thing again.” He turned to face him. “If I don’t do things exactly as you planned, you think I’m going rogue. Tell me something, did the mission succeed?”

Dick knew what Roy was doing and felt animosity clench his chest. “Yes.” 

“Was everyone saved, and the team uninjured?” Roy smirked smugly. 

“Yes.” Robin growled. 

“Then what’s the problem?” Speedy asked pointedly. 

“The problem is you, not following my lead. You got lucky today that everything worked out for us. Things could have gone really badly without your support where we needed it.” Dick scolded. 

“Could have, but didn’t. Things could go badly regardless of your plans.” Speedy scoffed. “You’re a brilliant strategist Robin, I’ll give you that, but you weren’t seeing things from my point of view. I did what I had to to keep people safe.” 

Robin couldn’t be mad at him for that. He nodded. “Fine. I trust you. I trust you to make decisions that will help people.” 

“That’s it? Just like that? I thought you’d be arguing with me all night.” Speedy grumbled. 

“I’m not that controlling.” Robin huffed. 

“No? Could’ve fooled me.” Speedy smirked. “I thought you’d argue that I should follow your orders at all times with no deviation.” 

“No. I know that’s not practical or useful. I’d just like to know when and why you deviate from the team’s plan next time.” Robin clarified. 

“So all I have to do is have a good excuse?” Roy scoffed. "And don't you mean your plan?"

“Not an excuse. A valid reason and communication for why you’re leaving your teammates high and dry.” Robin hounded.  

“Hey, woah, I knew they could handle it.” Speedy defended. “You act like everything could fall apart again if one of us doesn’t show up. Stop being scared that we’ll lose again.” 

“I’m not scared about us losing, I’m scared of what will happen when we do. People will get hurt, the public will lose faith, and criminals will feel emboldened.” Robin knew all too well what happens when those targeting you assume you’re weak.  

“It’s really not that big of a deal if I don’t follow one order from you.” Roy goaded. 

“It might be.” Dick said truthfully.  

“Well maybe I’m just sick of you bossing me around when I am fully capable of doing what I have to to support the team. Maybe I handled myself just fine the month that you weren’t here and I don’t appreciate you taking that away.” He stepped closer, leaning in in a threatening manner.  

Dick could tell this wasn’t just about control. “I understand that but…”

“No! No but. Your plans are great, but we can act on our own.” Roy’s voice was harsh and hushed. 

Robin knew he needed to trust Speedy, but Speedy needed to trust him too. “Did you not trust my plan would work to save the hostages?”

He stepped back. “I… no, I just saw an opening and knew…”

“So you don’t trust me to give orders in the field? This isn’t about you being averse to taking orders. This is about you not trusting me out there.” Robin confronted. Speedy didn’t answer. “That’s exactly what this is about, and I can prove it.” Dick felt his heart skip as he decided on his next moves. 

“Oh yeah? How?” Speedy snarked. 

“On your knees.” Robin ordered. 

“What?” Speedy looked confused and shocked. 

“You can take orders can't you? I said, on your knees.” Robin repeated in his commanding tone. “Now.” Speedy dropped down to kneel. “Hat off.” Robin ordered. Speedy obeyed, placing his hat on the floor and looking up at Robin. Dick undid the front closure of his pants and pulled his cock free, already half hard at seeing Roy on his knees. “Open your mouth.” Dick could tell how eager Roy was as his lips parted quickly and his head tilted back. Robin placed his tip on Speedy’s tongue and whispered, “Start doing your job.” Roy’s mouth closed around him, working in earnest. Speedy’s hands grabbed at his thighs, pulling him closer. Dick couldn’t help but thrust his hips as Roy continued. “See?” He bit his lip, looking down at him. “You take orders just fine.” 

“Mm-hmm.” Roy agreed and moaned as Dick thrust forward, still not going very deep. Speedy was the one that started pushing his mouth forward till he couldn’t anymore. Robin grabbed a fistful of his hair, the red showing brightly between the green fingers of his costume gloves. He pulled out and shoved in deep, keeping a hold of him. His pace picked up and he brought his other hand to grip the back of Speedy’s head. 

He could feel himself getting closer to release and pulled out completely. “Breathe.” He commanded, watching Speedy draw in air, his mouth still open, saliva shining on his lips. He let his chest rise and fall until he deemed him ready. Pushing forward again, Robin nodded down at him. “Take it.” Speedy’s mouth resumed its previous work, sucking him in and playing with him using his tongue. But Dick didn’t want the prolonged delay, he wanted release. His grip tightened as he delved in, hips starting to pound forward. Speedy’s hands began moving, clawing and gripping at Robin’s body and costume, pulling him in even more. It was a furious desperation for both of them as Robin fucked his face and throat. Robin’s lungs caught and his muscles tightened as he was teetering on release. He shoved in, taking full control and driving into him faster. A sound escaped his throat as he came, shoving in once more. 

He pulled back once he was done, releasing his grip on Roy. The red head hunched over slightly, breathing hard and coughing gently. “You’re right, I have no problem taking orders. I get it.”

Robin backed off, fixing his costume. He reached out to help the archer off the floor. Pulling him to his feet, Dick sighed. “I know I hurt you badly by keeping my identity secret, but I swear to you that you can trust me.”

Speedy pulled away almost as if in disgust. “So I should just trust you because you said so?”

Dick knew that it probably wasn’t going to be easy to get Roy back to a solid level of trust with him as Robin, but Speedy had never fully trusted Robin to begin with. None of this was new. “I’m just asking you to try.”

Roy looked away. “Fine. Now get out of my room.” He scowled. 

Robin nodded and retreated to his own quarters. This wasn’t a new struggle, but it was definitely difficult to get Speedy to open up to him. Roy wasn’t a super trusting person to begin with, which made what happened between them with his identity reveal even more painful.  Two days passed and the team had another mission. Roy had been aloof and nearly avoiding Robin. This time everything went according to plan and they all operated together seamlessly.  “See what happens when you trust me?” Robin teased Speedy as the team was returning to base. Instead of being happy and jovial like the rest of the team, or even sarcastic, Speedy’s demeanor became harsh and silent. Dick decided not to comment for the remainder of the journey. He kept a vigilant watch on Roy as the team interacted. He was himself to everyone but Robin. He even flirted with Donna like usual, blushing when she actually flirted back and laughed at his stunned reaction. 

Dick swallowed heavily. The thought of Roy actually getting with Donna was clawing in his gut. Was that jealousy he needed to dismiss? There was no reason for it. It was probably just his protectiveness of Donna. She’d become like a sister to him over their years of being friends and teammates. She’d just broken up with Garth, so she didn’t need to be caught up in a whirlwind like Roy. It wouldn’t be good for either of them. Dick decided not to bring anything up or talk directly to Speedy tonight. He seemed like he was ignoring Robin again anyway so that would be easy. 

The team was tired and all quickly went home or to their rooms to recover. Robin had been in his room for a mere two seconds when there was a knock. “Come i…” Before he could finish, Speedy was in the room, locking the door and approaching him with an obvious fury. Robin’s brain was in both fight and flight mode as his muscles clenched and he backed away. 

“Trust you!?” Speedy spat, advancing still. “You still think it’s that easy?”

“Woah.” Dick’s hands came up to try and placate him, but Roy pushed him, his back crashing against the wall nearly knocking his breath out. 

“How can I ever trust you?!” Speedy stepped in, effectively keeping him pinned. “You’ve always hidden things! You’re a spy dropped into this team by Batman, you lied about your identity and pulled me into that lie, you constantly demand perfection from a team of imperfect people, you …”

“Stop!” Dick hated the feeling of being called out like this. “Ok.” He struggled. “Don’t trust me. That’s fine. But trust that I only want what’s best for the team and do my best to keep you all safe.” 

“If you want me to trust you, you’ll earn it. I’m not giving it to you freely again.” Roy growled. 

Again? Dick’s heart broke. He’d lost something so precious by hiding his identity, and now he’d have to fight to get it back. His heartbreak turned sour as Roy was still pinning him forcefully to the wall. Instead of letting his sadness take control, he felt anger bubbling up instead. “I’ll never earn it if you can’t stop being an idiot and thinking I’m a different person than Dick Grayson.”

Roy’s face was shocked. His eyes were still obscured by his mask, but Dick knew what they’d look like. Full and bright with horror of what he’d just heard. “What did you say?”

Dick huffed. “I said, you think I need to earn your trust, but you could never trust Robin. You only trusted Dick Grayson, and for some reason you can’t see that that’s me! Robin is never going to be able to earn anything if you keep thinking that I’m different from the friend you had trusted before. You’re just scared of getting close to me again so you compartmentalize us in your brain. Maybe you’d still trust me if you weren’t such a coward.”

Roy’s lips snarled and he lowered his voice. “Take it back.”

“No!” Dick stared at him defiantly. 

“Fuck you!” Roy spat angrily.

Dick was about to swear back, when a similar memory flickered in his head. “Yeah, you wish you could.” He said mirroring what Speedy had said to him months ago. Same position, same anger and hostility, same burning feeling pooling in his stomach. 

At that the tension broke. Speedy’s face had a tight smile as his jaw clenched. “You bet your ass.”

“I do.” Robin smirked. Speedy’s hand came up harshly pressed against his throat, the other was unbuckling his utility belt. It dropped to the floor and Speedy kicked it aside. “Be careful with that!” Robin complained. Roy let up from pinning him, only for a moment to undo Robin's pants and yank them down to his thighs. In a quick forceful movement he was suddenly turned and pushed face first against the wall. Robin was pinned again, gasping as his half hard cock was pressed against the cold surface as Speedy ground his hips forward on his bare buttocks.

“Yes, I wish I could fuck you all the time Robin.” His voice was close to a whisper, but still harsh. “You frustrate me in ways I’ve never thought possible.” He backed off enough to drop his own belt and undo his pants. “I’ve never wanted to rearrange anyone’s guts by both punching and fucking them. Usually it’s one or the other.”  Dick would’ve laughed, if not for the sound of Roy spitting and slicking up his cock. A shock of arousal was sent directly to his crotch as Roy’s hands roughly pulled at his ass cheeks and slid his swollen tip into him. Dick arched his back, tilting his hips for easier entry. He groaned as he heard Speedy’s breath shudder. This was the first time Roy had not used a condom, lube, and general care in his movements. With more spit employed, Speedy shoved in deeper. “I fucking hate you so much Robin.” Dick was confused and wounded for a moment, but the way that Roy nearly lifted him and shoved him to the wall again made him gasp and recenter. As Speedy’s hips thrust toward his backside, his cock pressed against the wall in front of him, dripping and hard. Robin’s cheek was pushed against the smooth surface as Speedy’s hand shoved at the back of his neck. “I hate that you think you’re better than us. I hate that you picked yourself as leader. I hate that you’re so fucking annoying. I hate that you’re Batman’s little lap dog. That you're so devoted to him and his mission that you can’t see past your own mask.” Speedy was thrusting harshly within him as he taunted. 

“You’re…talkative...mmnf... tonight.” Robin tried to breathe and relax through the friction. 

“And you shouldn’t be.” Speedy’s hand came up and covered Robin’s mouth. Robin let out muffled sounds as Roy shoved further into him. He closed his eyes as Roy picked up his pace. He could smell the leather of Speedy’s glove as his mouth remained covered. He could hear the panting breaths and sounds of sex. He could feel Roy’s cock roughly filling him and rubbing against his sweet spot making him feel like his emotions were going haywire. How could something feel so harsh and so good? He knew Speedy wasn’t happy, and this was his frustrations with Robin breaking through, but Dick couldn’t hold back the moan and muffled cry as he came and spurted out onto the wall. Speedy had apparently noticed and pulled out harshly, his free hand wrapping around Dick to claim his spent for lube. The sound Dick made upon reentry surprised even himself. “You’re so fucking tight.” Speedy growled in his ear and started thrusting again. “Make some noise for me.” 

He thrust harder causing Robin to make involuntary cries into Speedy’s glove. His hands trying and failing to grip the wall and balling into fists. “Ah! Roy!” He tried to say as his hips shoved him forward against the wall again and again. “More.” He groaned out into his glove. Speedy ground faster, making Dick whine with overstimulation as his cock was still being rubbed against the wall. Speedy’s hand gripped his hip harshly and he could tell he was starting to release. Robin could hear his breath catch and felt his bucking falter as he shoved in and came deep inside him, pausing for only a moment to let the convulsions and twitching end. Speedy was not gentle as he pulled out. He stepped away swiftly, fixing his costume and grabbing his things before leaving without a word. Dick was left alone with the aftermath and took time cleaning up. He shed his costume and showered, trying not to think about anything. He blanked out his mind and stayed on autopilot getting ready for bed. Eventually he lay on the mattress, wondering if he should go talk to Roy. It had felt good, but also strange. What had happened? Roy had clearly gotten what he'd needed, but had he even enjoyed it? After giving up on sleep a while later, he went to Roy’s room. There was no answer to his knock and when he went in it was empty. He must’ve gone home. Dick decided he’d walk around base for a while since he wasn’t feeling sleepy and he needed to be there early tomorrow. No use going home and coming all the way back. He checked his phone for anything from Roy. Dick had sent his usual goodnight text, but got nothing back yet. Maybe he was busy or something came up unexpectedly with Green Arrow. 

“Robin?”

He looked up from his phone screen to realize he was in the pool area. “Hey, Garth.”

“Why are you awake?” Garth asked, concerned. 

“Just couldn’t sleep.” He shrugged. “Why are you awake?”

“I needed to be in the water for a while.” Garth said simply. “Did you want to talk?”

Dick crouched near the edge of the pool. “About what?”

Garth swam closer. “About why you’re awake.”

Dick chuckled. “Oh. That.” What a topic. He slipped off his shoes and pulled up his sweats to dangle his bare feet in the water. “I don’t know if it’s anything you should be worried about.”

“I can’t worry about you?” He asked. 

“Not what I meant.” Dick sighed. “I just don’t think this particular situation is something I want to share.”

“I understand. Is there anything else that you want to talk about?” Garth inquired. “Something to take your mind off it?” 

Dick thought for a moment. He knew Roy would hate if anyone knew about their problems, but especially Garth. And yet, he couldn’t think of anything else. “Hiding my identity from the team obviously backfired on me. My connections with you guys were strained at best and you didn’t really know me. That was exponentially bad when it came to Roy though.” 

“How so?” Garth bobbed near him. 

“I knew him in our civilian identities before I revealed who I was. We were friends outside of the team and I never told him I was Robin. I thought we had gotten over that, and now I’m trying to be friends with him as Robin, but he doesn’t seem to want me as a friend. Even though we’re fine out of uniform. It doesn’t make sense!” Dick put his face in his hands. 

“You’re right. It doesn’t.” Garth comforted, thinking for a moment. “Maybe the mask means something to him.”

“What do you mean?” Dick let his hands fall to his lap. 

“I mean that Robin is a mask. Not just the one you wear, but the symbol you are. Batman and Robin. Robin, leader of the Teen Titans.  Robin, the hero recognized by all. The symbol is what he cannot be close to. He may still be hurt by you withholding your identity from him.” Garth shrugged. “He seems very much like a person that would hold a grudge.”

Dick let air sharply flee his nose. “You got that right.”

“Perhaps I might be reading too much into him, but he too is wearing a mask.” Garth said. “He is good at pretending that he cannot be wrong. When he was wrong about your identity, it struck his heart and his pride. Of course he cannot show it, so he wears a mask of friendship when you are out of costume and it breaks when he sees the person that forces him to wear it.” 

“I… but that person is me. I’m Robin. I can’t stand him treating me differently as Robin and as Dick.” He confessed. “I had thought it had been fixed and things were better, but tonight…” He had to close his eyes to keep them from watering. Memories of Roy saying he hated him were still too fresh. 

“Then you must get him to remove the mask.” Garth shrugged, hands coming out of the water. “Let him show you that his friendship is real.”

“How?” Dick asked earnestly. 

“Maybe he needs to be reassured that your mask is no longer hiding secrets from him. Take it off and show him that your friendship extends to Speedy.” Garth smiled. “Maybe you need to spend one on one time with him as Robin. Be yourself, not the symbol.”

Dick hummed. “That could work.” Maybe there was a mission he could use as an excuse to get them together for more than five minutes or for more than a quick hate fuck. Dick’s heart raced as he thought of what had transpired between them earlier that night. The feeling of Roy being rough with him. Of the way it felt to have him inside, cumming with no barrier between them. His hand blocking the sounds Dick made as he …

“Robin. Are you alright?” Garth asked, drifting closer. 

“Yes. I… I’m just trying to think.” He looked away, hoping his face and body hadn’t revealed too much about his daydream. “I’m sorry about you and Donna splitting up.” He offered as a subject change. Garth’s face fell and Dick leaned forward. “Sorry about bringing it up. If you don’t want to talk about it then…”

“No, it’s fine.” Garth looked back up at him. “It was mutually understood between us that we were not cut out for a relationship together. We may have a lot in common in our backgrounds, but little else. Our personalities were very different and our hobbies and likes were at odds. I prefer this.” He motioned around to the quiet pool area. “And she enjoys chaos and competition.”

“That’s true.” Dick nodded. “But I’m glad you’re still friends.”

“Yes. I think we will always have a special place for each other in our hearts.” Garth smiled. 

Dick felt that deeply. Maybe that was the fate he was assigned with Roy. To hold a special place and never truly connect. Never truly be bonded. He felt a strange sense of resignation as he pondered that outcome. “Thanks for the talk. I should get to bed. We have an early start tomorrow.” He got to his feet and grabbed his shoes. 

“Goodnight Robin.” Garth waved. 

“You can call me Dick.” He waved back. 

“Goodnight Dick!” Garth called as he walked away.  

The morning came and the team assembled. Robin worried that Speedy wouldn’t show, but he strolled in two minutes before departure. 

He must’ve done it on purpose. That way Robin didn’t have a chance to talk about them. He never did answer Dick’s texts either. Dick wasn’t discouraged though as he thought about what Garth had said. Roy must see Robin as someone who still holds secrets. As someone who has the power to break his heart again. He probably blames Robin for the loss of his love for Dick. He blames Robin for the death of that budding young relationship that could never have existed to begin with. Once again the mission was completed and Roy disappeared immediately from base. Robin didn’t even get to congratulate him on his triumph. Dick sighed and knew he had to do something out of the ordinary to get Speedy to open up.

Chapter Text

When night fell, Robin sent out an alert, but only to Roy. When Speedy showed up on base he looked around. “Where’s the others? Already in the field?” 

Robin shook his head. “It’s just us. This is a different kind of mission. I need you to swear to me first that you won’t try to compromise any information or locations. Are we clear?”

Speedy paused, looking confused before nodding. “If it's important to the mission then I promise.”

Robin pulled out a blindfold. “And I’ll need you to trust me.”

“Can I know what the mission is first?” Speedy looked at the cloth in his hand with disgust. 

Robin shook his head. “I need your word. Can I trust you?”

Roy seemed to scoff as he grabbed the blindfold. “Obviously I’m trustworthy. Unlike some people.”

Dick ignored the barb and they climbed into one of the Titan cars. Robin waited for Speedy to put on the blindfold before he started driving. Roy was quiet and less than talkative as they traveled. “I’m sorry for all the secrecy. I have a duty to protect the information of where we’re going. I hope you understand.”

“I don’t. But I guess that’s normal with you.” Speedy grumped. 

“About last night…” Dick started. 

“Nothing happened last night.” Roy quickly intervened. “Nothing worth talking about at least.” 

“I think we have different definitions of nothing.” Robin said. “You fucked me raw against the wall in full uniform, is that nothing to you?”

“Like I said, nothing worth talking about again.” Roy droned. 

“We didn’t talk about it the first time!” Robin scolded.

Speedy scoffed. “I… you wanted it.”

“I did. I’m not saying that I didn’t, and you did too. All I’m wanting to talk about is why it was different from our normal. Usually you take time prepping me for you and using things to help. You use lube and condoms and you’re careful about what I feel. You’re soft and patient with me. But when we were in uniform you were the opposite.”

“I can’t switch up styles?” Roy complained. “That would be boring.”

Robin shook his head even though Speedy couldn’t see him. “I don’t mind you changing things, but the fact that the only time you’re treating me differently is when I’m in costume is…”

“Maybe I just ran out of patience.” Roy reasoned. 

“You told me you hated me.” Dick’s throat tightened and he waited for a response. 

“And?” Speedy said, his voice harsh. 

“And I… I don’t want you to hate me.” Dick said softly. 

Roy snorted. “Ok? Doesn’t matter what you want. Still true.” 

“Roy. Please.” Dick began. 

“Please what? Don’t hate you? I can’t have any negative feelings about you?” Speedy scoffed. 

“I’m not saying that, I just…”

“You what?” Roy interrupted. “You thought I’d be able to just see you in uniform and turn that into a happy little experience simply because I used to have feelings for the man wearing the costume? That I could forgive you for shattering my heart because you were so loyal to Batman that I didn’t matter to you?”

“I…”

“That when you revealed your identity to the team you couldn’t have taken me aside first and warned me before you tore my heart out and stomped on it.” Speedy barked. 

“I didn’t know that I was going to reveal who I was. I never planned to.” Robin explained. “It was a sacrifice I made in that moment to help the team from falling apart.”

“The team. It’s always the team you worry about and not me. How long would you have played your game with me?” Roy growled. 

“It wasn’t a game.” Robin insisted. 

Speedy huffed. “How long would Dick be connected to Roy while Robin stayed in the shadows haunting us? How long would Dick play nice with Roy while Robin took out his anger on Speedy?”

“I…I honestly thought we’d grow apart eventually. I thought we would move on and it wouldn’t matter in the future.” He confessed. 

“Yeah well, maybe in the future I can be as heartless as you.” Speedy spat. 

“Roy. I don’t think that we’ll drift apart anymore. I… you mean a lot to me and I don’t think we can ever not matter to each other. I’ve tried to tell you I’m sorry and I’ve tried to make amends. You’ve said we’re friends and I hope that’s true.”

“Are we almost there?” Speedy asked, not acknowledging their argument. 

“Yes.” Robin parked the car and shut off the engine. “You can look now.”

The blindfold was removed and Speedy looked around for a second before his jaw dropped. “It’s an actual cave?” He climbed out of the car and wandered deeper into the Batcave. “I didn’t think you meant it was literally a bat cave. It’s a cave, with bats!” He looked around at the small flutters of wings off in one of the chambers. He turned toward Robin. “Your guy Batman makes more sense now. He definitely became one with his surroundings.” He chuckled moving towards the main area of the cave. “Damn look at all this stuff.” Robin smiled as Roy explored. He moved over to the batcomputer and pulled up the files on the Titans. “What’s this?” Speedy asked, upon finally joining him. 

“Everything I know about the team. All the information I’ve shared with Batman.” Robin gestured to the screen and let Roy delve into the files. 

“No wonder Sqidward dresses so awkwardly. He’s colorblind!” Roy chuckled. 

“Be nice, it’s part of his physiology.” Dick explained. “Atlanteans don’t see colors like we do. Garth has different photoreceptors.” 

“Oh my god, Wally’s middle name is Rudolph? Just wait till Christmas rolls around again.” Roy laughed. 

“I didn’t show you this so you could make fun of our teammates.” Dick sighed. 

“I know.” Speedy glanced at him, opening his own file. He read through it quietly before turning toward him. “You missed some important information.”

Robin frowned. “What did I miss?”

“You forgot to put that I’m an incredible lover.” He smirked. “Let me just add…”

“No!” Dick laughed as a play struggle began between them. “Unless you want Batman to know that.”

“I mean if he wants to find out for himself…” Speedy joked as he shrugged. 

“Ew. That’s my mentor.” Robin scoffed. “What if I said I’d sleep with Green Arrow.”

Roy made a gagging noise. “No. Nevermind. Gross. Don’t ever say that.”

Dick laughed at him. “Yeah well, that’s how I feel.”

“Fair.” Speedy smiled. “And I really hate the guy. I mean, I say I hate you, but not compared to hating Batman.”

Robin’s heart fell again. “Why do you hate me?”

“You’re an extension of him. You’re arrogant, combative, controlling, an asshole, and….”

“Are you sure you’re not projecting?” Robin muttered. 

“See!! That! That’s what I’m saying.” Speedy pointed at him. 

“Ok, well you’re no ray of sunshine either!” Robin argued. 

“Sure, but you get along with everyone else on the team! I’m the only one you seem to have your hackles up for automatically.” Speedy pointed at him. 

Dick’s shoulders dropped as he sighed. “I feel like you were always abrasive towards me and constantly challenged my place on the team. I guess I just registered you as a combative in my brain.” He admitted. “You’re also not the best at keeping your sarcasm and insults to yourself.”

“That’s true. But I guess I just need attention sometimes.” He laughed. 

Robin shook his head. “That’s what team celebrations are for. Not during the mission.”

Speedy smirked. “I can try and cut back on being a jerk if you cut back on being an ass.”

Robin tilted his head. “I thought you liked ass.” The corner of his lips smiled. 

“Ha!” Roy’s exclamation echoed through the cave. “Liking ass and you being one is a big difference.”

“Ok. I’ll stop immediately assuming you’re being a problem and you start being less of one.” He giggled.

“Deal.” Speedy smirked. “Where do those stairs go?” He pointed up at the path into the manor. 

“They lead to the entrance from the surface. But you’re not allowed out that way.” He clarified. 

“Why not?” Speedy pouted at him. 

Robin smiled. “Because you’d see the location, duh!” He paused. “Are we friends now?” He plied as a distraction. 

Speedy inhaled deeply. “I guess.” Sarcasm was heavy in his tone. “Just promise not to treat me like I’m your enemy anymore.”

“Only if you don’t treat me like one.” Robin smirked. 

Roy scoffed. “Yeah, yeah. I get it.” He looked around. “Show me all the cool stuff in here.” They wandered the cave and Dick pointed out all the equipment or mementos from cases solved. They went to the training area and Roy looked up at the gymnastics equipment. “You do your routines in your cape?” 

“Sometimes. Mostly not.” Robin shrugged. 

Speedy smirked. “Maybe you should lose the cape.” 

“And be lame like you?” Dick teased. 

Roy laughed and hopped up, grabbing one of the gymnastics bars and hanging before doing pull ups. “Your cave is kinda gloomy. No wonder Batman is so moody all the time.” 

“He’s really not.” Dick hopped up beside him and started copying him. “When you get to know him.”

Roy laughed and let himself dangle on the bar until Dick did the same. Letting go with his far hand he swung himself grabbing the bar again, landing them face to face. He giggled as his legs wrapped around Dick’s. “Got ya!” 

Robin snorted. “Really? I thought playing chicken was just on monkey bars.” 

“Who said I was chicken?” Roy smirked. 

Robin swiftly swooped in and kissed his lips before struggling with him and knocking them both to the mat below, laughing the whole time. “Do you hate me less now?” Robin asked. 

“I’ll think about it.” Speedy sighed. “You need to hate me less too.”

“I don’t hate you.” Dick clarified. 

“Could’ve fooled me.” Speedy sat up and pulled away. 

“I got frustrated and felt like we didn’t get along. I hated how cocky and boastful and annoying you were but I didn’t ever hate you.” Robin bent up one leg, leaning on his knee. “I may hate how you act, but I don’t think I could ever hate you as a person. You were my friend as Speedy, and you’ve become a deeper friend as Roy.”

Speedy nodded and stood, helping Robin to his feet as well. “Fine. Whatever.” Dick didn’t know if he’d made any progress with Roy at all tonight, but at least they weren’t arguing. “So was this all another lie just to try and patch things up between us or did you have a mission?”

Robin smiled. “I do have something I need help on.” They went back to the computer and he pulled up files on a case he’d been working on. By the time they’d finished up info hunting and planning for the mission together, Batman had returned from patrol. 

“Speedy.” Batman nodded, acknowledging Roy. Dick had been surprised that Bruce had agreed to let him show Speedy the cave. At first he’d refused, but after Robin’s explanation of the plan to blindfold him and that it was to benefit the trust between them as heroes he’d relented. “Robin, there were a couple of coordinated burglaries out there tonight, I need a location on Catwoman.”

Dick could feel Speedy tense while standing next to him as Batman joined them. “Report says that she’s still out of the country. You think she’s involved?” Robin asked. 

“I’m not sure, but they were very close to her M.O. so I can’t rule her out.” Batman elaborated. “Maybe we can get eyes on her, and pull her phone records.” 

“You could always just call her and ask.” Robin suggested with a grin. 

Batman hummed lightly a smile pulling at his lips. “I’m sure she’d love to hear from me since we broke up last week. Confirm she’s out of town, and we’ll move on from that point.”

“On it B-man.” Robin typed away at the keyboard. 

“I want to congratulate you two on the success you’ve had recently with the Titans. You’ve all done well with each other.” Batman complimented. 

“Thanks.” Robin smiled at Speedy, noting his cautious demeanor. “She’s in France. Looks like she’s got another billionaire boyfriend.” Dick teased as paparazzi pictures were brought up of Selina and a man walking arm in arm down a lane in Paris. “Did you want to follow up on her communications?”

“Not at the moment. I’m satisfied knowing she’s not in Gotham right now to be a part of this.” Batman said. “Would you two like to take over a few cases as a team? I think I have some that might fit your expertise better.” 

Robin perked up and moved out of the chair in front of the computer. “Sure. Transfer everything over to my case file and I’ll get the team involved.”

Speedy remained tense and quiet until they got back in the car. “He’s not exactly what I expected.”

Robin glanced at him, the blindfold was back in place as they drove. “Batman?”

“Yeah. Still intimidating as hell, but… he smiles at you? He… he cares about you.” Speedy said. 

“Yeah.” Robin was confused. “Did you think otherwise?”

Speedy scoffed. “Maybe. But watching you interact… off the field… he really is like family to you. Isn’t he?”

Robin breathed deeply. “Yes. I hope you can see me better after this. See that I have my reasons for what I do. See why I protect secrets so viciously.”

“I… you were protecting all of that stuff in the cave. All the information about us and everyone else you’ve gathered it on. You kept all the team’s secrets, not just your own. I… I guess I didn’t realize the gravity of your situation. How heavy your burdens are.” He admitted. “If your identity is leaked you can’t be Robin anymore and all of that work dies. I get it now.”

Dick was elated that Roy was finally understanding him. He was finally acknowledging why Robin did what he did by keeping things secret. “I knew it was a risk to tell the team. The more people that know, the harder it is for me to remain a secret. I would’ve told you first if I thought I could have.”

Roy was quiet for a moment. “I understand. But that still doesn’t fix my broken heart. I can’t just forgive you and pretend everything is fine.” 

Dick’s heart fell. “Yeah. I understand. But can I at least have my friend back? Can you try to be who we were in uniform before at the start?”

Speedy nodded. “I think I can try.” Robin smiled. He was hopeful that they could move past all the heartbreak and begin to grow closer again. “Are you busy tonight?” Speedy asked after some time of silence. 

“We finished our mission prep and info gathering session tonight. So I’m free. Did you want to do something else?” Robin asked. 

“I was hoping we could debrief back at base.” Speedy said. 

“Yeah sure.” Robin grew nervous again. Usually debriefing back at base was code for more talking or arguing. He really wanted to keep things moving forward. They arrived at Titan’s headquarters and Roy removed his blindfold. Robin followed Speedy at his request and was led into Speedy’s room. 

“I just want to say I’m sorry for avoiding you recently. We… we had fun while you were benched and I’m sorry I… I was an ass to you when you got back into uniform. When we were together outside the team I felt like maybe I could get closer and everything would be better between us, but the moment you put on the costume…” He turned to face away. “I thought that I’d be over this by now.”

Robin stepped closer. “Hey, it’s ok. I know it’s going to take time and honestly I wasn’t sure you’d forgive me at all, but I’m here. I’m not going to abandon you.”

Speedy turned around. “You promise that you’ll never hold back secrets that important from me ever again?”

Dick smiled. “As long as you can try to like me and be my friend as Robin. I promise I’m still the same person I was.” He moved his hand up to take off his mask but Speedy stepped forward. 

“Wait! Leave it.” He moved in closer, looking at him resolutely. “Leave it on.” His gloved hand came up and gently pressed under Robin’s chin. I need to see you as Robin. I need…” His voice tapered off as he leaned in and kissed him softly. Kisses were gentle and deep. Their uniforms were removed with care this time. Each piece set aside delicately as they explored each other’s bodies with fingers and lips. The only thing left was their masks. Robin reached up to remove his, but Speedy stopped him. “Please. The mask stays on. Just for tonight.”

Dick didn’t know why Roy wanted this, but he knew better than to question at the moment. “Anything for you.” He continued kissing him softly. 

“Will you…” Speedy paused, placing his forehead against Robin’s. “Will you tell me what to do?” He breathed out a sigh. “Please take control.”

Dick’s heart hammered. He wasn’t opposed to being in charge, but for Speedy to give up control now, with their bond still on shaky ground he was nervous. “You want me to take the lead?”

Roy nodded, his head dipping and leaning on Dick’s shoulder. “Please. I won’t fight.” 

Dick held him close before leading him to bed. He followed steps he’d learned from Roy and opened him up before slipping on a condom and positioning himself for entry. “Stay still.” Dick ordered softly as Roy had shuffled around. He slid in and sighed at how good it felt to be inside him. He pushed in fully and groaned. “You feel so good.” He lowered kisses to Speedy’s lips before he started moving his hips, rolling them forward and watching the expression change on Roy’s face. 

“Fuck!” Roy gasped as Dick continued thrusting into him. His hand drifted to his cock and started stroking himself. 

“Hands off.” Dick ordered and Roy whined beneath him as he let go.

“Robin!” It came out as a whisper and grew slightly louder. “Robin fuck me harder!”

Dick almost lost control of his body at the plea, but slowed down and focused on the man below him. “I thought I was the one giving orders.” He smirked playfully. 

He watched Speedy swallow and breathe hard. “Yes. Yes. You are.” 

“Good.” Robin pinned his wrists to the mattress and shoved in slow and deep. He could hear Roy’s lungs catch and feel him shift his hips, trying to get him deeper. He moved slow and even, pressing closer and closer to being fully engulfed. His pace picked up and deepened to Roy’s gasps. “Say my name.” 

Roy moaned as Dick continued thrusting harder. “Robin!” 

Dick let go of his wrists and repositioned to be closer to him. “My real name.” He whispered. “Say it.”

Roy breathed and paused, his head tilting back. Dick continued his thrusting. “D..Dick! Oh fuck Dick!”

“Look at me when you say it.” Robin demanded. Speedy brought his gaze back to his and his breathing quickened with Robin's pace. His mouth opened in stuttering sounds of pleasure. Dick didn’t think he’d last long enough to hear his name uttered. He was so close to release. “Say it!”

Roy gasped. “Rob…! Ah! Dick! Fuck! Dick!” He came suddenly across his chest and clenched up around Dick’s cock, causing him to lose himself to ecstasy. 

“You’re so tight Roy!” He released inside him, thrusting his hips forward as deep as he could. Dick leaned in, pressing their foreheads together while catching his breath. Roy leaned up and kissed him softly. “We need to clean up.” Dick smiled.  

Roy hummed. “In a minute, let me feel you please.” His hands traveled slowly over Dick’s body, pulling him in deeper while their kisses continued. 

“Come on.” Robin finally said, pulling out gently. “Get up.” He was surprised to see a smile form on Roy’s face. 

“So bossy.” He grinned and followed along into the bathroom. 

Dick removed his mask and watched as Roy did the same. Roy stepped forward kissing him softly again until Dick dragged him into the shower. As Dick tried to scrub off, Roy wouldn’t stop trying to kiss him. “I’m not going anywhere.” He joked. 

“Mmm you say that now, but you and the bat like to vanish.” Roy smirked, grabbing his chin and kissing him again. 

Dick laughed quietly and grabbed his hand, removing it from his face and placing the soap in it. “Wash up. I’m not vanishing tonight.”

Roy shrugged and started cleaning himself “There’s no way I could have known.” He teased. By the time they were both clean, Roy was all over Dick again. Fingers touching, lips kissing, tongue invading his mouth, one hand drifting down below his navel.

“You want more already?” Dick grinned as Roy’s hand made contact with him, making him stiffen up. 

“I can never get enough.” Roy smirked. 

“Even if I put the mask back on and order you to go to bed because it’s late?” Dick chuckled. 

Roy shook his head backing away. “But I’m not even tired babe.” As if his body was betraying him, he yawned at that moment. “Shut up!” He said before Dick could comment. 

Dick tried to keep his laugh contained and simply shrugged. “I didn’t say anything.”

They were cuddled up together in bed when Roy asked, “Do you think we can solve every problem this way? You just keep the mask and order me around in bed?”

Dick snorted. “Sex won’t solve everything.” 

“We could try.” Roy snuggled closer.

“Did it solve you being angry at me before when you banged me against the wall?” Dick grumbled. 

“Oh, uh … no… maybe a little.” Roy sighed. “I’m sorry if I… did I hurt you?”

Dick closed his eyes. “Only my heart.”

Roy’s arms pulled him closer. “I can’t seem to get things right with you. One way or another it’s bad.” 

Dick felt sorrow creeping into his chest. “Maybe we’re just figuring it out. Soon enough we’ll be able to look back and laugh at how we both kept messing up over and over. It’ll all be hilarious.”

“Yeah.” Roy didn’t sound convinced, but held him tighter. “Maybe.”

… 

“Speedy, do you have a shot?” Robin asked quietly over coms. 

“Negative.” The reply came. 

“Great.” Dick sighed. “We need to get this under control quickly.” 

“Maybe I could get close enough to zap him.” Bumblebee volunteered. 

“No, we don’t know if that will trigger the device.” Robin said. “I don’t need it to be set off accidentally.” They didn’t have Wally or Garth today, and Robin was strategizing a plan. 

“Wait, let me get a different angle.” Speedy took off across the rooftop ledge to find another window looking down into the warehouse. 

“Wait for my signal.” Robin ordered. “Bumblebee, can you get close enough to buzz his ear? I just need his attention swayed for a second while I get in position to go down there. Then I’ll need you to get ready to help Donna with hostages.”

“I can do that, just let me know when you’re ready.” She shrunk down and hovered near the half open window. “Donna, get ready to open those doors.”

“I’m ready.” She confirmed. She’d been waiting to bust the locks off the warehouse doors and open them to get the hostages out. A group of civilians sat huddled together in one corner of the warehouse guarded by a man carrying a gun. The main focus of Robin’s plan right now was the man building what seemed to be an explosive device. It looked like he was going to put it into a parade float that the hostages had been working on before he’d taken over. Robin didn’t know if they were working alone or if others would show up, it was better to handle this now. 

“I’ve got a clear shot at the guard by the hostages.” Speedy said. 

“Good. Hold off till I say. Bee, you’re on.” Robin nodded at Bumblebee and she buzzed down around the man’s head. Staying out of sight as much as she could, but making sure he was occupied. 

“ARG! There’s a bug in here!” The man exclaimed, wildly flailing. 

The man with the gun laughed. “Stop that, you look ridiculous.” 

“I’m allergic to bees! You want this finished tonight?” The man flailed more. “Or do you want me in the hospital?” 

While they were distracted by bee hunting, Robin was able to shoot a grapple line into place. “Bee, fall back.” Robin whispered. 

“Roger.” She flew to hover near the hostages. 

The two men returned to their positions. “Speedy. Take your shot.” Robin could hear the familiar whistle of an arrow and a bang as ropes flew out and wrapped around the man. “Wonder Girl Now!” Robin had already leapt, swinging down and kicking the other man away from the explosives. The man was huge, but Robin’s momentum was able to clear him from the workbench. The doors opened and hostages ran for safety at Bumblebee’s command. Robin was exchanging blows with the man he’d knocked aside, who was a surprisingly good fighter and took most of Robin’s attention. “Get everyone out and clear from the building!” he ordered. 

Bumblebee had swooped in and subdued the other man before he could manage to wriggle free from Speedy’s ropes. She was moving him outside with the others. The man Robin was fighting managed to throw him aside, being twice his size and lunged as he pressed a button on the device. Speedy appeared in the distance behind him and knocked him out with a well aimed arrow. Roy ran over to him. “You ok?”

Robin stood. “I’m fine.” Donna entered the warehouse and came toward them. Robin turned to the device and noticed a countdown running. “Speedy, Wonder Girl, get him out of here and get everyone in the nearby area evacuated!” He set to work quickly figuring out how to disarm the device. It was an overly complicated design and he needed a minute to think. 

“Leave it!” Speedy tried to drag him away.

“Go!” Robin ordered. “I don’t know what this is. We need to get everyone away!”

“Robin!” Speedy pulled him again. 

“GET OUT!” Robin pushed away. “THAT’S AN ORDER!”

Speedy turned on his heel and ran after Donna. Robin was left to figure out the device. Chambers were attached with space for adding material, but seemed unfinished. Looking over the whole set up, it appeared like they were trying to create either a dirty bomb or one that would hold some sort of shrapnel. If he had to guess there were other components that weren’t here. Someone else was involved, but what he focused on now was stopping anything from exploding. There were connections to a chamber full of explosive material and Robin had to disarm it quickly. Batman had taught him well and he quickly pulled the wires, disconnecting power to the charge. He sighed in relief and looked around, studying the components. He was about to tell the team his success when another countdown appeared. A back up? But from where? He swifty tried to locate any outer power source he must’ve missed. No.. there was a battery, but included in the frame of the device itself. Going into his belt he grabbed tools and tried to take the device apart. He was running out of time. He looked around the warehouse and found a metal drum. He ran the device to it and placed the drum over it, weighing it down with surrounding material. That wouldn’t be enough to stop the explosion completely, but it might help a little. Robin ran toward the back of the warehouse and grappled up into the rafters again, vaulting out of the window onto the building behind the one he’d fled. “EVERYONE TAKE COVER!” He ordered over coms before ducking behind a stairwell bulkhead. He covered his ears and the blast went off. Luckily the explosion wasn’t huge and wouldn’t endanger the surrounding buildings with fire or collapse. The shockwave rattled the roof he was on and sent a few loose bricks tumbling off the bulkhead facade. He shielded his head and moved once the rattling stopped. Robin sighed as he heard sirens in the distance. The authorities must’ve already been alerted. “Is everyone alright?” Static crackled in his earpiece and he glanced down at his wrist. One of the bricks hit just right, knocking his coms offline, he’d have to reboot everything. Great, he thought as he moved toward the other building again. He heard a sound, but not from his earpiece this time.

“ROBIN!” A familiar voice and coughing. Robin ducked through the frame of the shattered window and looked down to see Speedy desperately searching the fiery debris of the parade floats in the still intact warehouse. “ROBIN! GOD NO! DICK! PLEASE!”

“I’m up here! Get back outside!” Robin waved “I’m fine!” Instead of going out the way he came, Roy ran toward the back of the warehouse and out to the gap between buildings. There was a fire escape to the building behind them that Speedy vaulted onto and flew up toward the roof. Dick could tell Roy was desperate to reach him and had probably thought the worst had happened. Robin moved quickly and jumped down to meet him halfway. “I’m ok, I promise.” 

Speedy took him into his arms, holding him tightly. “You bastard. I thought… you didn’t answer.”

Robin chuckled. “My coms are offline. I’m alright. I promise.” He held Roy, letting him calm down. He smelled like smoke and ash. He pulled back and his uniform and gloves were covered in soot. “I…” He paused. “Robin’s fine guys!” he answered over his coms. “The team is asking.” He whispered. “He’s here with me, but his coms are out. Keep the civilians out of harm's way, we’ll be down soon.” Speedy switched off his coms and tore off one glove, raising his palm to Robin’s face. “I thought…” He leaned down, kissing him deeply. “I couldn’t…” He struggled to breathe as their foreheads pressed together. 

“Hey!” Robin took him in his arms and sat him down on the metal landing they were on. “I’m alright. I’m here. You’re safe, I'm safe, everyone is safe now.” Roy was still clinging to him and his shoulders shook. 

“Dick!” Roy whispered. “Please don’t leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Robin promised, pulling him closer. 

A few minutes passed and Roy was regaining himself. “You could’ve told us you weren’t in the building.” He laughed breathily and coughed as he recovered from the smoke. 

“Sorry, I didn’t have a lot of time to think.” Robin admitted. 

Speedy leaned in and kissed him softly. “Promise you’re ok?”

“Yes!” Robin assured and brought them both to their feet. “We need to get back to the team.”

Speedy nodded. “I know.” He kissed him once more and brought his palm back to Robin’s face, cradling it softly. “Don’t do that again ok?” He smirked.

Robin nodded. “Fine.” 

Speedy replaced his glove and led the way down the fire escape. They joined the team and Speedy acted normal again. Only a few coughing fits could prove he was ever frantic enough to run into flames. Donna approached Dick after they’d finished all their work in the area. She hugged him tightly. “You did scare us Robin.”

“Sorry, I could have told you guys what I was doing.” He blushed, embarrassed that he hadn’t thought of it at the time. All his focus had been on what kind of device he had been attempting to diffuse. 

“Speedy seemed like he was distraught over you. Are you sure there’s nothing between you?” She asked in a hushed tone. “At first you told me there was no commitment. Then you told me you want it, but he doesn’t. From what I can see, with the way he ran in there, I think he’s more attached than he lets on.”

Robin nodded. He hadn’t wanted to think about that right now. “Roy doesn’t do relationships. He always says that and he means it. We…” He hesitated, wondering how much he should actually tell her. “We did a… I don’t really know how to explain other than we did an experiment where we dated for a day. We agreed that we would be broken up at midnight and it showed me that while I might enjoy being with him like that, he’s far too flighty and… I don’t know. It felt like he wasn’t happy the whole time. After a while he seemed anxious and avoidant.”

She shook her head. “You two, I swear.” Her hand rubbed her forehead. “I will tie you two together with a lasso of truth and make you talk to each other.”

Dick laughed. “I hope it won’t have to come to that.”

“Yeah, well. I think you have some ammunition for a discussion now. He definitely wasn’t holding back from showing his emotions. I couldn’t stop him from running toward the warehouse and by the time we’d checked on all the civilians, he’d found you safe and sound.” She smiled. “He definitely cares for you deeply.” That was evident from what had happened, but Dick didn’t want to hope for Roy developing feelings again. It would be too much to ask for. Dick had to bring himself to reality. Roy was his friend and teammate, a reckless one at that. Maybe it was that factor alone that made him run in. 

“Hey.” Speedy caught him in the hallway to their rooms back at base. “Today was crazy right?”

“Yeah, sorry I scared you guys.” He apologised again. “I didn’t mean to make you think I was still inside.”

“I know.” Speedy looked away. “I…” He paused. “I guess I overreacted a bit.” He chuckled.

“I don’t know.” Dick shrugged. “It was valid to think I was injured and you’d come to help.”

“I…Yeah, I guess.” Roy let out a breath. “Come stay at my place tonight?”

Dick smiled. “I’d love to.” He wanted to stay with him. Assure him that he was ok and make sure Roy was alright. 

“Dick.” Roy finally looked at him again. “I thought I’d lost you. I…I couldn’t stand the thought of you not being here. Of you not being close to me.” Dick was holding his breath, waiting for Roy to continue. A burning feeling filled his chest as he wanted to kiss him. Wanted to tell him how his feelings had changed and grown. “I just didn’t realize how much I needed you as my best friend.” Roy smiled. “I’ll see you at my place.” He turned and went into his room.

Dick stood for a moment unsure of what to do. Right. Best friend. That’s all. 

…

“Mmmmn we’re never going to play if you keep distracting me.” Roy chuckled. Dick had abandoned his game controller and straddled Roy’s lap while he sat in his recliner. The burning feeling had taken over again and he yearned to be near him. 

“I need you.” Dick could barely contain himself. 

“Ok, ok.” Roy chuckled softly as he kissed him. “You have me.”

Dick shook his head and stood, rushing to the side table next to the bed and fetching the lube and a condom. “No, I need you.”

“Oh.” Roy smirked, reaching for him. “Come here then. Roy unfastened Dick’s pants and helped him remove them. He pulled his swiftly hardening cock out from his own and rolled the condom onto it before slicking up with extra lube. “Come here. Like you were before.”

Dick nodded eagerly and straddled him again. This time no fingers helped to open him up, Roy pressed his tip in and gripped Dick’s hips to steady him, most likely planning to slowly guide him down to enter into him. “Please Roy.” Dick didn’t want to go slow. 

“Easy.” Roy tried to fight him as he sunk down on his cock. Roy had slowed him down, but he still managed to take him all the way in. “Fuck, baby, be careful.”

Dick sat, gasping as he was filled with Roy stretching him out. “Can’t wait.” He managed to say and started to shift his body. It took a moment for him to figure out the best way to move, but with Roy’s help he was soon sighing in pleasure as they rocked together. Dick was too warm with a fire burning in his chest. The thought of Roy having feelings for him still had made him dream and wish and hope and burn. He ripped off his shirt, flinging it away. 

“You really wanted this didn’t you?” Roy was smirking again, his strong hands gripping onto Dick and helping him move. “Brush with death make you hot?” 

“Yes.” Dick slid down on him again. “I can’t help it.” He smirked. Roy groaned and chuckled before shifting a bit to be able to thrust up into him. Dick’s jaw dropped at the feeling this caused. He was getting the overwhelming waves of pleasure from the feeling of being filled and the pressure on the sensitive spot inside. His heart raced and his lungs stuttered. “Roy! Fuck!”

“Come on baby. Can you get off for me like this?” Roy panted. “It’d be so hot.” 

“But..” Dick looked down at him, he was still fully clothed and finishing now would definitely be messy. 

“But what baby?” Roy asked with a slight grin as his hands grasped harder. 

“Clothes.” Was all Dick could say as the pleasure was building. 

“I have more.” Roy smiled before making his hips thrust higher. Dick could hardly think. His hands were gripping Roy’s shoulder and the back of his neck. His mouth hung open as the feeling inside him was building. “You better be close.” Roy groaned. “I’m not gonna last with you looking like that.”

Dick was struggling to breathe as he felt Roy’s hips buck harder. His thoughts were lost in the quickly approaching release and the fire in his chest. One of Roy’s hands reached between them and encircled Dick’s aching cock, causing him to lose control as he stroked him roughly. He cried out as he hit his peak and felt Roy follow closely after. Dick slumped forward, his forehead resting on Roy’s as they recovered. Roy’s chin lifted and as their lips met, Dick was completely taken by the way Roy made his heart flutter and how he wanted this to last. Maybe he could ask Roy out again. Maybe after tonight’s events he’d see that they should be together. “I liked that.”

Roy huffed and smiled. “I could tell.” They finally parted and cleaned up. With Roy dressed in new clothes and Dick back in his, they were deciding if they should stay in or go out and enjoy nightlife in the city. Dick was nervously biting his lip, trying to think of a way to bring up what had happened earlier. Eventually they decided on staying there and ended up in bed, cuddled close. Roy was smiling slightly as he gently ran the back of his finger over Dick’s cheek. “You stopped my heart today when that bomb went off. I thought the worst, but hoped for the best. I couldn’t stop myself from going in to find you. I… I needed to know, I needed to get to you. I didn’t want to leave you alone, but you’d ordered me away. Do you know how much willpower that took to leave the warehouse to begin with? I could be a green lantern I swear.”

Dick smiled back. “I’m glad you did. I didn’t want to put you or the others in harm’s way.”

“So you put yourself there?” Roy frowned. “Oh Dick. If I’d known you were Robin. If I’d known what you were like from the start I wouldn’t have gotten so attached.” He chuckled.

“And are you?” Dick breathed. 

“Am I what?” Roy asked.

“Are you attached?” Dick gazed longingly into his eyes. 

“I hate that I am. I can’t stand you and yet I need to be near you.” Roy said. “You, all of you. Robin, and Dick. You’re everything to me.” They fell into kissing and Dick’s heart was pounding. 

“If… if you’re so attached… why don’t we…” He tried to speak through kisses. 

“Mmn, why don’t we what?” Roy teased, gently sucking on his lower lip before backing off. 

“Why don’t we try dating again?” Dick suggested. 

Roy pushed away. “What?” 

“Well, didn’t you like our day together? I really enjoyed calling you my boyfriend and thought that you…” He paused at Roy’s confused face. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m just wondering why you’d suggest that. We had a day, I said it wasn’t for me. Why ask me to do it again?” Roy questioned. 

“I…” Dick didn’t know what to say. “I… after today, at the warehouse, I realized you’re a lot more attached to me than I had thought. I was wondering if maybe you’d like to be with me, or if your feelings for me were still there.”

Roy was pulling away again. “What are you talking about? I’ll admit I’m probably more concerned about you than I should be, and I want to be close to you, hell, I need to be near you, but you know I don’t want a relationship.” He lowered his eyebrows. “As for my feelings…” He closed his eyes. “I can’t make myself feel like I did. My love for you is over. I’m sorry.” His eyes opened and he formed a little sarcastic smile. “Besides, why would you want to be with me? It’s not like you’re in love with me or anything.” Dick froze. He couldn’t tease back. He couldn’t joke. All he could do was stare blankly as his mind and heart raced. “Dick?” Roy’s smile faded and he propped up on one arm. “Dick, you’re not in love with me right?”

Dick swallowed, his throat dry. “I..” Roy sat up suddenly, facing away. “It just happened. I couldn’t help it.”

“No.” Roy said quietly. “No you don’t.”

“Yes.” Dick insisted. “Yes Roy, I’m in love with you.” He felt the flutter and fire in his chest again. 

“If…” Roy paused, his voice shaking. “If you had said that back when I had feelings for you I would have been so happy. But now…” His fists clenched and he turned to look at Dick, eyes watering and anger on his face. “Are you joking?”

“No!” Dick reassured him. “I told you the truth. I didn’t see it until recently though.” He wanted to soothe Roy, to keep him calm. “But it’s ok if you don’t want anything or feel anything. I’ve already accepted that as fact.”

Roy paused, his chest rising and falling harshly. “When did you realize? When did you first know you were in love?”

“The night you stayed over at the manor with me. That's why I was having a panic attack in the bathroom.” Dick admitted. 

“You didn’t tell me.” Roy growled. 

“I didn’t know if I should.” Dick said honestly. “I was still figuring out everything for myself.”

“You promised me that you would tell the truth. That you wouldn’t keep any big secrets from me.” Roy’s voice was strained, his knuckles turning white. 

Dick felt his stomach drop and clench with guilt. “I did promise you. And I meant it. I promise I wasn’t trying to hide anything, I just needed to figure out my feelings for myself first.”

Roy was quiet for far too long. “I think you should go home.”

“What?” Dick breathed. 

“I said go home. If we’re going to be friends then we need to be just friends. Nothing else.” Roy was serious. 

“But…” Dick was confused. “What about what you said to me earlier today? That you couldn’t stand the thought of not being close to me?”

“I can’t move forward with a physical arrangement knowing you have feelings. It wouldn’t be fair to you, and I would always feel like you have expectations. You already tried to get me to date you again and I can’t be constantly thinking that that’s what you want from me.” Roy wouldn’t look at him. His voice was calm for the most part, but Dick could hear an undertone of anger still. 

“No, I don’t have any expectations for us, I never did. I know you don’t like relationships, but with how you acted after the explosion today I thought maybe your feelings had changed.” Dick tried to explain. 

“And that’s why we can’t continue this. I care for you too much to lead you on and I do not want you to think I’ll ever come around to dating you.” Roy got out of bed and started packing up Dick’s things. 

“Roy.” Dick got out of bed. “Roy please. I promise I won’t want anything from you that you don’t want for yourself. I don't want to date you if that’s something that you’re opposed to, and my feelings towards you shouldn’t matter either. We don’t have to stop…”

“What do you want from me Dick?” Roy interrupted and looked at him. “Why would you want us to continue if not to pretend that I’m yours or that one day I’ll change my mind about relationships?”

Dick shook his head. “I…is that what you did when you were in love with me? You pretended that I would be yours one day when you finally wanted a relationship? That I would be there waiting for you when you grew the hell up?” It sounded harsher than he meant. He opened his mouth to backpedal and apologize, but Roy rounded on him angrily. 

“When I was in love with you I was actively warning you that there would be no relationship. That there were no strings attached. You’re the one that got jealous of me being with anyone other than you! You’re the one that suggested we date for a day! You’re the one constantly lying to me! So why should I believe you when you’re telling me that you don’t want a relationship?!”

Dick’s eyebrows lowered. “You lied about your feelings for me too!”

“You never asked about my feelings.” Roy growled. 

“Wasn’t it you that said omitting the truth is lying?” Dick confronted. 

“Ok so we’ve both lied, does it make you feel justified?” Roy finished zipping up his bag and pointed to it. “It’s time for you to go.”

“Roy.” Dick stepped forward, his voice calming. “I’m sorry. I didn’t tell you how I felt right away because I didn’t quite know myself. I was trying to figure out what…”

“I don’t care.” Roy cut him off abruptly. “Go home.”

“Roy…”

“No, there’s nothing you can say to change my mind.” He still looked a little angry, but his voice was firm and clear. “We’re friends and that won’t change, we’re teammates and that might change eventually, but us being friends with benefits is over. It’s going to lead to too much trouble. For you and for me. The way I acted today made me see that we’ve probably become too attached. And with your feelings for me, we probably should let things die.” Dick stood stunned. He couldn’t argue. Roy was right. But why did it feel so wrong? “Here.” Roy picked up his shirt and jeans, tossing them at him. “I’ll see you at the next mission.”

Dick remained speechless. He pulled on his clothes and moved towards the bag of his stuff. He put on his shoes and grabbed his things silently. He turned back to look at Roy, but he’d already gotten back in bed and was facing away. He left Roy’s room and paused for a moment while the world spun around him. What had happened? It was over. Shouldn’t he be happy things had ended without a fight? That they were still friends? That they were able to get back to an actual friendship with no strings attached and no more physical connection? Yes. He should be happy. So why were there tears streaming down his face, and why was his chest aching so much? He needed to be home. Dick practically ran towards the front door nearly bumping into Oliver Queen on the way. “S..Sorry!” He managed to stammer as he continued his flight toward the car. He had to stay calm. Once he was in and the door shut he was able to scream. His hands gripped the steering wheel and he tried to breathe. Come on. Bruce had taught him plenty of techniques to stop his body from taking over. He couldn’t breathe in, so he’d have to force himself to be calm. It took a minute for him to finally get his lungs to work and drive off toward home. He made it back to the manor, still forcefully keeping himself calm. All he had to do was make it upstairs to his room and he could break. He entered and moved toward the stairs only to see Bruce standing at the foot of them. 

“Do you want to tell me why I just got a call from Oliver wanting an explanation for why my ward was running out of his house in tears?” Dick froze. He made brief eye contact with Bruce and shut his mouth, unable to speak. “Dick. What’s wrong?” Dick stood still, unable to bring himself to confess or move. His heart beating seemed to be the only thing working as his lungs held still and his body froze. “Son?”

Finally his lungs drew air. “I messed up!” Tears started flowing again and he gasped for breath. 

He didn’t even register Bruce rushing forward and was shocked when he was encircled in protective arms. “It’s ok. Tell me what happened.” 

Several minutes passed with Dick trying to recover his voice and breathe properly. 

Alfred spotted them as he was coming down the stairs. “Is he alright?” The tone of worry and rushed steps made Dick pull back from Bruce. 

“I…” He coughed and tried to settle himself again. His voice was hushed and raw. “I’ll be ok.” 

“Could you get him some water please, Alfred?” Bruce pulled him tighter again for a second before practically dragging him down the hall and into the library. 

Dick sat on the couch next to Bruce, taking deep breaths and following his coaching to calm down as Alfred brought him a glass of water. “I just need a minute, I’m ok I promise.” He said, not wanting to make eye contact with either of them. 

“Ollie sent me the security footage of you in your car outside his house. That doesn’t look like you’re ok and neither does what’s happening now.” Bruce scolded. 

“Sir. Maybe…” Alfred tried to take pressure off of Dick, but Bruce continued. 

“I need to know what happened and why you’ve been crying.” He said harshly. “If something happened and Roy hurt you, I will have to involve the authorities.” Bruce threatened. 

Dick’s head snapped up. “NO! No. He didn’t do anything.”

“Then what happened?” Bruce asked. More calmly. 

Dick looked at them both. Both of their faces showed concern and Dick knew they wouldn’t let him rest until they knew. “I’ve been in a physical relationship, no strings attached style with Roy for a few months now. I… I realized recently that I had developed feelings for him and he found out tonight. He… things are over between us.” 

Bruce was silent, but Alfred stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Oh my boy, I’m sorry. Was it because of your feelings for him?” Dick nodded. “I think that makes him a hypocrite does it not? The fact that he rejects you now, but he was fine with it when he had feelings?” 

Bruce was still quiet, but raised eyebrows at Alfred. Dick shrugged. “I don’t think so. He never wanted me as more than a friend with benefits, regardless of his feelings. I tried to ask him for a relationship tonight and everything fell apart.” 

“And you were not as prepared for rejection as you thought you were.” Alfred squeezed his shoulder. 

Dick nodded, turning to Bruce. “Sorry I didn’t say anything, I thought you’d pull me off the Titans because of it.” 

Bruce nodded, still quiet. Why he wasn’t lecturing Dick about any number of things was strange. “Maybe we can discuss this more after you’ve had some sleep.” Alfred suggested. 

Dick looked at Bruce who only nodded. He agreed and trudged off to his room. Bruce yelling and lecturing was scary enough, but him going nonverbal… Dick hoped that Bruce wasn’t going to do anything drastic about him and Roy. His body felt heavy as he fell into bed in exhaustion, letting darkness take hold.

The next day he had slept through most of the morning and afternoon. Only interrupted when Alfred brought in a tray of food. Alfred didn’t talk about Roy and Dick was grateful. He kept to topics of the weather forecast and dinner plans. Clearly trying to comfort Dick and make everything seem normal again. “Can I have a word with him?” Bruce asked as he appeared in the doorway. 

“Of course.” Alfred made eye contact with Dick, trying to reassure him, before collecting the tray and leaving. 

Bruce shut the door and crossed his arms. “I assume you were sexually active with Harper. Were you safe about it?”

Dick cringed. He really didn’t want to have this conversation. “Mostly.” He decided to say. Better to tell Bruce the truth. 

“I’ll get you tested for anything tomorrow, then we’ll see about you staying on the Titans.” He said, crossing his arms. 

“With all due respect, I’m an adult and it’s my decision to leave the team or not.” Dick confronted. 

Bruce raised an eyebrow, but gave in. “You’re right. It’s your team now.” Dick was relieved that Bruce wouldn’t fight him on that topic at least. “How are you feeling?”

Dick took a second to categorize his emotions. “Fine, I guess. I still have my friend, just … it won’t be so intimate between us.” He sighed. “I must’ve over reacted last night.” He gave a small smile hoping to throw Bruce off the scent of how depressed he felt. 

“Overreaction or not, it was still a reaction. I want you out of bed and training in the cave in twenty minutes. If you can’t manage that, I’ll have to rethink your ability to make decisions regarding the team.” Bruce was harsh, but Dick knew why. 

“I’ll be there.” He said as Bruce left. Dick wanted nothing more than to sleep, but this kind of sleep wasn’t going to help. This was sleep used as an escape from reality and Bruce wasn’t going to let him run from his problems. Not that way at least.

He suited up in gym attire and went down to the cave. Bruce kept his distance, going through his own routine, but was clearly observing his drills. If Dick looked at all like he was off his game Bruce would call his competency into question. He couldn’t half ass a workout today. By the end of his time he had focused so hard on being perfect he hadn’t thought of Roy once. He grabbed water and flopped onto the floor breathing hard. 

“Good work.” Bruce finally neared him, holding out his hand. “Are you sure that you’re ready for action with your team?”

Dick nodded with no hesitation. “I can’t afford to be distracted when there are lives on the line. Nothing will keep me from being what I need to be.” It felt more like he was trying to convince himself, rather than Bruce. 

Bruce hummed. “Very well.”

“There was one thing though.” Dick confessed. “The case about the explosion from yesterday. Can I pass it to you?” Dick didn’t want to go back to the warehouse to investigate. He’d just remember how desperate Roy was to reach him and how that had caused him to think it would be ok to push for more connection.

“Yes, any reason why?” Bruce questioned. 

“I just want a fresh start for now.” Dick said.  

Bruce didn’t question further. “Would you like to do something over the weekend? We could fly out somewhere and relax. Get away for a while?” 

Dick smiled inwardly at Bruce’s attempt to provide comfort. “I guess, or maybe we could stay here and have a movie marathon?” He suggested. “With unlimited popcorn?”

Bruce nodded. “Anything you want, son.”

Chapter Text

“Robin!” Donna tore down the hallway when she saw him, grabbing his hand before running him toward her room. 

“What’s wrong?!” He was shoved into her quarters and spun as the door was closed with her body blocking it. 

“What in Hera’s name happened between you and Speedy?” She pressed. 

Dick froze as she gripped his shoulders to keep him from leaving or facing away. “Uh…” How had she known? “What do you mean?”

“Diana said that there was an argument on the watchtower between Batman and Green Arrow. It was about you two. She wouldn’t tell me what it had been about specifically, but I think I know. Did Batman find out about you two? Was this a ‘tell your kid to stay away from my kid’ kind of thing?” She grinned. 

Robin was flustered. “Honestly I have no idea.” What kind of fresh hell was Batman putting him through now? It had only been a week since Roy had rejected Dick and now Batman was fighting with Green Arrow about them where everyone could hear? Or was it just Diana’s advanced hearing that had picked up on it?

Her smile faded. “Did something happen with you guys?” She held tighter. “Why would they be arguing over you?”

Dick nodded his head, wanting to melt into oblivion. “I don’t know if it has anything to do with the argument, but something did happen. Roy found out that I had feelings for him. I tried to ask him out and he cut off the benefit part of our friends with benefits situation.” He confessed. “Claims he doesn’t want to lead me on and now wants nothing to do with me physically because of it.”

She looked confused as her hands released him. “Roy’s not sleeping with you anymore so Batman yelled at Green Arrow for it? I don’t understand.”

Robin removed his mask as his eyes watered. “I don’t know. All I do know is Roy and I are just friends again, if you can call it that.” He tried to make swiping his eyes look like he was just tired. “He hasn’t spoken to me since and I feel like he wants nothing to do with me at all.” Dick tried to push away the emptiness of the past week apart from Roy. The silence and distance between them was hard to be distracted from. Today’s mission was the first time he’d have a possibility of seeing Roy in person as it was their first mission as a full team since he’d been kicked out of Roy’s house. His jaw clenched and his heart raced that there might be more fallout than he’d anticipated. 

She stepped in and pulled him into a hug. “Hey, I’m here if you need. To talk, to spar, to make him suffer. I’m by your side.”

For some reason this was the most comforted he’d felt in a while. “Thank you. Don’t tell the others.”

She pulled away, imitating a zipper over her mouth. “I won’t tell a soul. However, I don’t know if the others had their mentors overhear the fight. I guess we’ll find out.” 

Dick sighed. “This is a mess. I never meant for any of this.” He took a deep breath. “Ok focus. We need to move forward and not get distracted. Just act like nothing's wrong.”

“Ok. If that’s what you want.” She frowned. “I could…”

“I don’t want any more drama about this. Just pretend nothing happened between me and Roy ok?” He practically begged. 

She raised an eyebrow, but nodded. “Ok.” 

They came out of her room and paused as Speedy was rounding the end of the hall. He faltered for a second before nodding. “Hey guys.” He continued down the hallway like nothing was out of the ordinary. Donna’s hand gripped Robin’s in comfort. Dick had to steel himself and continue on. Their mission was short and simple that day. Something Robin wished would be a more common occurrence. He had been able to hold himself together and luckily didn’t have to interact with Speedy much. Robin decided he’d leave the base and head directly to the cave afterwards to spare himself from running into Roy. He needed to catch up on case files and didn’t want to hang around here too long. He also wanted to confront Bruce about his argument with Oliver. 

“Hey Robin.” Charley caught him on the way out. “I think we should do another social media campaign to let people know how they can get help from the team. A group photo of you all could work, or I could put together a collage.”

Robin hummed. “Um, I think we have a few group photos, but you’d have to ask Wally about them.” 

“Will do boss.” He smiled. “Oh by the way, are you ok?”

Dick was puzzled. “Why?”

“I… well I heard a rumor that Batman and Green Arrow got in a fight over you on the watchtower. Something about Batman making you keep your identity secret causing your current problems. That’s all I know.”

Robin pinched the bridge of his nose. “Who did you hear that from?”

“Hawkman. Sorry if that’s too personal, I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” Charley said. 

“I’m fine.” Dick grimaced. “Thank you for asking. I’m really busy today though so I have to go.”

“Yeah no problem.” He didn’t seem convinced. 

Dick walked away quickly. The cave would be a refuge from being around anyone with a JL mentor. Apparently the argument hadn’t been private and only overheard by those with super hearing. Who knows how many heroes now knew of his situation. He hopped into a Titan vehicle and took off before anyone else could come console him. 

Arriving in the cave he confronted Bruce who was sitting moodily at the bat computer. “What were you and Arrow arguing about on the watchtower? Why is everyone talking about it and asking me if I’m ok?”

Bruce broke eye contact with the screen and turned to Dick. “I’m sorry chum. It seems Roy told him everything about you two. Including your identity.” Dick’s heart dropped. Why would Roy reveal that to Oliver? Dick was wary that Bruce would be angry at him or at Roy for this, but he continued in his normal tone. “I knew there would be trouble if you told your team who you were.” Dick wanted to apologize, but also knew that he had been in the right. His secret was still intact from the general public. “Arrow was furious about my policy of keeping our identities secret. He blames me for your heartbreak because, quote ‘if my boy  had known who Robin was, none of this would ever have happened.’ So essentially it is my fault that you are in this situation.”

Dick could see why Oliver would think that way, but knew it was far more complicated than that. “I don’t blame you.” He said truthfully. “I made decisions that led me here. I should have told Roy no before our first kiss and that would’ve saved me from all this.” 

Bruce’s mouth formed a line. “Then again, you still would’ve been friends with Harper and he may still have felt betrayed by you keeping your secrets.”

“Maybe, but we wouldn’t be as close probably.” Dick shrugged. “I never would have fallen for him and never would have asked him out. Everything would have been better. I was too curious for my own good and it didn’t help that he was so into it. It all started just for fun and we went and ruined it with feelings.”

“You can’t know that.” Bruce said. “Don’t be too harsh on yourself. Sometimes feelings are inevitable. We can’t really control them and they do tend to influence our actions.”

“Yeah.” Dick sighed. “I wonder if things would be different if I’d told him sooner. He said he would never have been so attached to me if he knew I was Robin from the start, but I don’t know. The whole reason I was curious and gravitated toward him out of costume was because of things he said in costume. Things he implied could happen between us.” Dick stopped explaining and turned the conversation as his heart ached. “What all did you say to Arrow in your argument by the way?”

Bruce sighed in his exasperated way, clearly annoyed by what had happened. “He came in hot, yelling at me for being the one to blame for your broken heart. I tried to dissuade him from having the argument in the hallway but he kept going, saying I’m to blame for two heartbroken boys and all the chaos this would cause. I told him that he was at fault too for being absent in Speedy’s life and not being there to support him or guide him. He argued that I should be looking in a mirror and that I don’t support you or guide you, I just control you and that’s how this situation started.” Bruce paused. “I have to admit I took that personally. I asked him when the last time was before this that he sat down with Speedy and had more than a superficial conversation. I asked if he even knew what kind of situation had been going on prior to everything falling apart.”

“Wait.” Dick interrupted. “Did you know?” 

“I suspected that something deeper was going on with you and Roy, but I knew for sure when you asked me if I’d be upset if you were in a relationship.” Bruce confessed. 

Dick chuckled. “Yeah. I wasn’t the best at hiding my intentions I guess.”

“And I saw you two sneaking away from galas together before and figured if there was anything you wanted to tell me about, you would.” Bruce clarified. 

Dick blushed. “What else did you say to Ollie?”

“I hinted that I knew what had been going on and that I actually trusted my sidekick to make decisions on his own. To which he brought up the secret identity thing again and said I didn’t actually trust you if I didn’t trust you to tell the team who you were. I tried to explain it wasn’t that simple but he wouldn’t listen and proceeded to say that now he has a sidekick who is barely more than a zombie around him because of my stupid rules. I told him he’d be better off at home paying attention to him than on the tower being a nuisance. Then he cussed me out and left.” 

Dick let out a long breath. “I’m just glad you two weren’t yelling about anything super personal.” He rolled his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve waited to discuss it in private.” Bruce conceded. 

“Did he really say Roy was like a zombie at home? He seemed fine on our mission earlier. But now that I think about it, he wasn’t really vocal at all. No jokes, no offhand remarks, just mission focused.” Dick realized. Clearly something was wrong with him, but Dick hadn’t wanted to pay close attention. 

“And you two haven’t talked about anything since that night?” Dick shook his head. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t come to me and talk. I was surprised that Alfred seemed to know more about you than I did, but I realized maybe I haven’t been the best support for you. Also, Alfred has seen me go through similar things with people and would be a good person to ask advice from.”

Dick perked up. “You’ve been through something similar?”

“Similar enough to know that our feelings are hard to understand and sometimes friendships are ruined by them.” Bruce said, leaning back in his chair. 

“You had a friend with benefits that you fell for too didn’t you?” Dick smirked. 

“Yes.” Bruce confirmed. “But he claimed everything between us had been to his design and he’d led me on just for what I could do for him.”

“I’m sorry.” Dick sympathized. “Can you just remind me that friends with benefits is a bad idea and I should never do it again?”

Bruce smiled softly. “Only if you remind me of the same.” 

Dick paused before a wicked grin passed over his face. “So you’re going to ask Selina to be your girlfriend again?”

Bruce shook his head. “That’s far more complicated than…”

“No it’s not.” Dick’s eyebrows lowered. “Why does she keep coming back to you after every breakup? Believe me, you’re not fooling anyone by saying that it’s a casual hookup situation. You both have feelings for each other and you’re playing her.”

Bruce looked shocked. “How am I…”

“She doesn’t know you’re Batman! You’re doing the same thing I did to Roy. You’re getting close to her as Bruce Wayne so you can be with her out of costume! But she probably doesn’t want to commit to you because she’s in love with Batman!” He exclaimed.

Bruce made a sound of protest, but went quiet. “I… is that what happened with you? Was Roy in love with Robin?”

“No. He hates Robin.” Dick pouted. 

Bruce raised an eyebrow. “Does he hate him or does he hate that he loves him?” 

Dick’s heart skipped. Could that be possible? “What?”

Bruce’s head tilted. “You mentioned that the whole reason you got close to him was because of things he said in uniform, about what could happen between you.”

“Yeah but that was just…” Dick paused, thinking back. Even the very first night they’d made out, Roy had said that Dick reminded him of Robin. Maybe because he was Robin, but it could be more than that. Roy was constantly thinking about Robin and venting to Dick about him. His unpleasant attitude towards him could be his way of trying to distance himself from liking Robin. He could have put himself in denial, or a constant loop of ignoring urges. The way Roy acted towards Robin this whole time could be him fighting off his either realized or unrealized feelings. If Roy knew he was falling for Robin and rejected it because he thought Robin wouldn’t like him like that, but then started falling for Dick… maybe the reason why he lost his love for Dick was because he’d already pushed down his feelings for Robin! The fact that he didn’t allow himself to have feelings for Robin tainted what feelings he’d had for Dick. 

“You ok?” Bruce asked. 

“Yeah, just… he never showed any signs of having feelings for me until the day that kicked all this off.” Dick puzzled. 

Bruce tilted his head. “Maybe his feelings for you scared him enough to keep it hidden. You said he doesn’t like relationships right? That sounds like a fear of either commitment or of losing free will to his heart.” Dick thought about what had been said before. That if Roy had known he was Robin from the start he never would have gotten so attached? Of course he wouldn’t, because he could have been scared to let his feelings take over for someone that didn’t reciprocate exactly what he felt. That’s probably why he hates relationships! He feels like he loses control of choosing his feelings! Being in a relationship with someone would be proof that he was attached and vulnerable with someone. That his heart was being held by another. And Roy didn’t have a great track record of other people taking care of his heart. If Robin or Dick had feelings that were different than his own or ulterior motives to be in a relationship he’d be hurt and at a loss again. 

“Hold that thought.” Dick raced upstairs to his phone. He started shedding his costume as he debated what to text or if he should call. Maybe he should go see him in person… No. If Speedy had indeed developed feelings for Robin and pushed them aside that wouldn’t change anything about their current situation. Even if it was true and it was the reason they had gotten into this mess in the first place…Nothing would change. Dick flopped onto his bed, half suited up, staring at his phone. What could he say to make Roy realize that having feelings for someone and giving them a chance to reciprocate isn’t a weakness. Your heart not being 100% under your control wasn’t something to fear. That he had no intention of hurting Roy or controlling his heart. 

Dick thought about going over to Roy’s place and trying to talk to him. He imagined Roy ignoring him through his bedroom door so he’d have to get creative. He laughed at the image of dodging arrows fired from Roy’s window that he’d break with a batarang just to get his attention. Probably not the best idea he’d ever had. As he pondered, he came to the conclusion that there were two options. Go begging Roy to listen to him and try to work out an uneasy trust, probably making things worse, or wait for Roy to come to him. Either way would be difficult and heart breaking, but one might guarantee that Roy didn’t push him away further. So the waiting began. Robin had to dodge questions from the rest of the team, mostly Wally who insisted on asking if he was feeling alright. But anyone else with JL connections was definitely dying to ask him what happened. With a little effort and vagueness, soon missions were back to normal with Roy acting like a teammate, nothing more. He’d act like himself around the others, but never really approached Robin. Time passed and Roy showed signs of being his usual self again. Their conversation and interactions on the team were professional still, and only when they absolutely needed to. Even more weeks passed before anything else happened between them. 

…

“Hey.” The text from Roy was simple and Dick tried not to freak out. 

“Hey.” He replied. 

“How are you?” Roy asked. 

Dick paused. Should he answer truthfully? Or sound more casual? “Honestly?” He decided to let Roy choose. 

“I’d like to know.” Roy said. “Honestly.”

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I miss you. I miss my friend.” Dick admitted. “I miss what we had.”

“I do too.” Roy answered, sparking hope in Dick’s chest. “Will I see you at the charity event tomorrow night?” 

Dick had forgotten he had planned to go. “Yes.” He said, trying not to sound desperate. He was definitely not going to ask to talk to him alone or imply they could hang out one on one again. 

“Great. See you there.” And the conversation was over. That left Dick with a whole night and day to agonize and run through scenarios in his head. He determined that no matter what happened, he wouldn’t bring up anything about their previous involvement. He didn’t want to trigger Roy’s flightiness again. By the time the gala rolled around, Dick thought he was prepared for talking to Roy, but he froze up when Roy finally approached and said hi. “Don’t worry I’m not going to yell at you.” Roy joked. “I didn’t know Arrow would do that to Batman. That whole argument on the watchtower was stupid. Sorry if Batman hounded you at all after that.” 

Dick shook his head. “If anything I hounded him for having that argument in public.”

Roy scoffed. “Yeah. Arrow was mostly at fault, but hey, he apologized.”

“Cuz that makes it better.” Dick smirked in sarcasm. 

Roy chuckled, holding eye contact a little too long. Dick looked away before he could blush. “Uh...” Roy paused. “Did Bruce have anything to say about that one night? I’m sorry about Ollie again. He was just concerned about you and decided to involve him.”

That one night? That’s all it was? Dick nodded slowly. “He…he was understanding that night. I had to tell him about us because I was obviously not in the right headspace for lying to him. And he definitely knew something was wrong.” Dick cringed. “Sorry. I didn’t want to tell, it just happened.”

“Hey, it’s ok. I … I had to explain to Ollie after he wouldn’t leave me alone.” Roy said. “That’s what kicked off the confrontation on the watchtower I think. I’m sorry that I told Arrow your secret identity. He… he knew there was more to the story I told him. At first I thought I could just say I made you leave because of your feelings for me and how I felt like I didn’t want you around me anymore. But the topic of you lying to me and that’s why it hurt so much came up. He wanted to know what lies and threatened an investigation into you. I tried to convince him that there wasn’t anything that bad and that this was between us, but you know how he gets. And I have to admit, for the first time in a long time I felt like he was defending me, that he actually cared about me. But I couldn’t let him go after you and possibly risk exposing you to more people. I couldn’t let whoever he’d get involved in investigating know about your secret. So I told him the truth about all of it and he got furious at Batman instead.” He looked genuinely sorry at this confession and it tugged at Dick’s heart, suppressing the anger that had flared up at having his identity shared. “At least Batman didn’t give you any grief. Did Bruce make a big deal about it? I know you said he’s protective.”

Dick nodded understanding Roy’s motives now for telling Oliver. Telling Oliver his identity rather than letting him go off on a crusade against him was better for everyone. “Bruce is protective, but he’s understanding too. Well… he may have been understanding that night, but he made me get out of bed and go back to work the next day.” Dick shrugged. “I couldn’t just sit and do nothing like I wanted to. To be honest, all I wanted was to sleep and forget.”

“I…I was the same way.” Roy sighed deeply. “Ollie watched me spiral for three days before he started threatening you. I couldn’t let him go after you so I told him what had happened. Then I went back to missions with him and the Titans, trying to act like everything was fine. Clearly it wasn’t.” He closed his eyes briefly. “I’m not sure how many times I can do this.”

“Do what?” Dick asked nervously. 

“Try to forget about what happened between you and I.” Roy smiled sadly. 

“Then don’t.” Dick said boldly. 

Roy let out a scoff. “And what? Bring that to our friendship? Just be trapped in the memory of the endless cycle of hot and cold? Always battling the paranoia that our expectations are different? Or fighting off your feelings? I don’t want to be that way. But if you wanted...” He took another breath as though he’d continue, but stopped. “Nevermind.”

Dick didn’t want to push for him to continue. “Speaking of fighting feelings.” Dick glanced away. “I have a theory I’ve been wanting to ask you about.”

They were already on rocky ground, he might as well go for broke. “A theory?” Roy asked warily. 

“I think that Speedy was attracted to Robin well before Dick Grayson became friends with Roy Harper.” Dick said. Referring to them in that way made it seem more distant, and less accusatory in Dick’s mind. 

“Go on.” Roy said through clenched teeth. 

“He was afraid that Robin would reject him and never feel the same way. So I think Speedy was actively trying to suppress his feelings for Robin when he started falling for his friend Dick. Then when he found out that they were the same person he actively tried to reject that thought, leading to the suppression of any feelings he may have had for his friend, because of how he buried feelings for Robin.” Dick explained. 

Roy was silent and so was Dick. He let him think, staying still, looking away, watching the other people milling around the room as they stood against a wall. “That doesn’t change anything.” Roy finally said. “Does it?”

“Maybe not, but it makes me feel better to think you liked me the whole time and never actually hated me.” Dick confessed. “You tried to pretend you hated me to keep from actually feeling anything.”

Roy took a deep breath. “Whatever makes you happy.”

Dick felt like he’d been stabbed. Because if Roy really wanted him to be happy, none of their drama would’ve happened to begin with. “So, can we get back to how things were?”

“When?” Roy turned to look at him, but Dick wouldn’t face him. 

“When we weren’t awkward and distant. I want to talk to you, to tell you everything. To trust you.” Dick could feel his heart thumping in his chest. 

“Well…” Roy began. “I certainly wouldn’t mind. It would make team stuff less taxing on me.” 

Had missions been stressful for Roy? Dick could relate, but had the whole team to focus on, so he’d been more distracted. “I don’t want our teamwork to suffer. Or our friendship.” Dick admitted. “I’m sorry I thought you changed your mind about dating. I shouldn’t have assumed. But I’m ready to be your friend. No strings attached for real this time.”

Dick waited, still not making eye contact with Roy. Not wanting to see his reactions. “I don’t think that’s possible.”

Dick was so shocked he turned to look at Roy. “What?”

“Like I said before, I don’t think I can try to forget you again. I don’t think I can be stuck between hot and cold. I don’t think we can ever be friends and have no attachment to each other. We were never casual friends to begin with after all.” Roy said truthfully. 

“We could be.” Dick nearly pleaded, watching Roy’s face show sorrow.  

“Never in a million years could I be friends like that with you.” Roy admitted. 

Dick’s heart shattered again. Roy didn’t want him and now he didn’t even want to be friends. “Oh.” He looked away, trying to breathe normally. 

“We could never be just friends because we’ll always have our deeper connection. I don’t think anything could stop me from wanting you like that. Unless you were dating someone. Then obviously I’d have to respect that, but until then I would just want you with no reason not to.” Roy said so nonchalantly as though he were commenting about someone’s fashion choice. 

“Are you saying you don’t want to be friends at all?” Dick swallowed. Holding back emotions that threatened to break him again.

Roy surprised him by laughing. “Are you kidding? I told you I miss you. Of course I want to be friends with you.”

“But…” Dick frowned. “You just said we couldn’t be friends. Never in a million years, you said!” 

Roy scoffed. “Never in a million years could we be platonic friends because of our feelings. Unless you’re taken by someone else.”

Dick shook his head. “So what does that mean for us right now? I have to find someone to date so we can be friends?!”

Roy looked around at the room as Dick’s voice had risen. “Shh, come here.” He attempted to drag him away, but Dick broke free. 

“No.” He hushed his voice again. “You tell me here and now what all this means.”

Roy bit his lip and looked around for eavesdroppers. “Look.” He started in a whisper. “With everything that happened, Ollie put me in therapy.”

“About time.” Dick sassed. He wanted to be harsh and angry at that moment. Roy was making no sense with what he was saying and Dick was sure he was in for more heartbreak. 

“You should be in therapy too to be honest.” Roy sassed back. “But anyway, we’ve been talking through my commitment issues and I think that eventually one day I might be able to date someone. Not any time soon obviously, but I wanted to say sorry for freaking out about you asking me out. It was a disproportionate response to my fear. So I want to apologize and ask if you would be ok with us being friends again?”

Dick wanted to be friends more than anything. He hated being so distant and cold with Roy and with Speedy. “Of course I do. You said to me before that you’d want to be my friend and that you’d be there for me regardless of our physical contact. I’ve been hurt that that wasn’t true.”

Roy nodded. “I guess I did promise that. I regret pushing you away. Please give me another chance to prove I can be there for you.”

Dick hesitated. “And you promise that regardless of how physically involved or not that we are, you’ll be my friend?” Dick bit his lip waiting for him to respond. 

“I promise.” Roy said, making eye contact again. 

“I… thank you.” Dick said, staring into his eyes, wanting to be close again. 

“So…” Roy half chuckled. “Are we… can we…” He looked around before whispering again. “Did you want to get out of here?” He asked with a wink.

Dick felt excitement build up in his chest only to have it crushed by the weight of everything they’d been through. “I don’t know.” He took a deep steady breath. “I… I don’t think I can.”

The disappointment, but clear acceptance was evident on Roy’s face. Obviously he’d been prepared for rejection. “I understand.” Roy comforted and sighed. “Just friends then?”

Dick’s mind was reeling. This was all so sudden. Roy just wanted to jump back into friends with benefits, simply because he’d gone to therapy for a few weeks? It felt too easy, too disingenuous. It felt like Roy just wanted to use Dick to get off with. Dick looked around him again. The happy faces of the crowd, faked or not, bothered him. How could anyone be happy when his heart was breaking? Then again, he could take this opportunity to get back into Roy’s arms. If Roy was using him, he could use Roy back. There’s nothing wrong with wanting physical affection. “I…” His throat closed, not letting him speak. He looked around the room for a way out and noticed Bruce was watching. He was across the room, focused intently on his ward. The minute they made eye contact, Bruce broke away from his group and started toward Dick. 

“You don’t have to answer now. I’ve been a jerk to you and I can understand if you don’t want to be around me at all.” Roy said. “But I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. For telling Ollie about you, and for all the fucked up things I’ve done over these past months. I really truly am sorry and I promise I’ll be here for you. Your feelings for me won’t be a problem, I swear. We can pick up where we left off and just pretend we never had feelings.”

That was another thing. Dick didn’t know if he wanted his feelings ignored. “I don’t…”

“Dick.” Bruce’s voice interrupted. “I have someone for you to meet. Come here.” Bruce was all personality and smiles on the outside, but Dick could see his caution and protectiveness showing through. He slowly moved to Bruce’s side and was steered away without a backward glance at Roy. “Are you ok son?” Bruce asked in a hushed tone, his arm around Dick’s shoulders tightening. 

“Yeah, I… thank you. I think I need to go somewhere I can breathe.” He admitted. 

“What did Harper want?” Bruce inquired as he directed him through the crowd. 

“He asked to be friends again. Even offered to be friends with benefits again.” Dick mumbled. 

“Just like that? He just offered to go back to it, knowing your feelings for him and that he abandoned you for those same feelings to begin with?” Bruce shook his head. “I’m reminding you now that friends with benefits is a bad idea. Just like you asked me to.”

Dick chuckled. “I know. Believe me.”

They went up stairs to the roof of the building and sat on the edge, overlooking the parking lot. “Well, what do you want to do? I’m happy to take you away from here. We could patrol tonight instead of being here.” Bruce offered. 

Dick brought one knee up, hugging it to his chest. “How can he think that I’d just say yes? What made him suddenly reverse his opinion?” Dick asked, more to the universe than to Bruce. “What, he goes to therapy a few times and suddenly he’s ok with sleeping with me again, even though I still clearly have feelings for him and that was why he cut me off to begin with?”

Bruce placed a hand on his shoulder. “You can tell him no.”

Dick took a few breaths. “I know, but do I want to say no? If he’s fine using me, why can’t I be the same?” He huffed. 

Bruce’s hand gripped his shoulder. “Because you don’t want to simply have a good time. I watched your face as you spoke with him. You were hurt by his words and propositions. What else did he say?”

Dick leaned forward on his leg and closed his eyes. “He promised to be my friend, regardless of anything physical between us.” Dick said, his throat catching on his words again.  “But he promised that before and that clearly wasn’t true. He said regardless of what happened between us he wanted to be my friend, only to freak out and barely talk to me when he realized how I felt.” Dick pouted. “I just… I don’t want to keep doing this. I want him back, but…” He was surprised as Bruce reached out and wiped tears from his cheeks. Dick hadn't registered that he was crying. 

Bruce moved closer and pulled him against his side, stroking the top of his head as he leaned in. “I understand. I never thought you should’ve trusted him to begin with. If you want me to tell him to leave you alone…”

Dick interrupted, pulling away sharply. “No, please! Don’t! I need to figure this out myself.” He wiped his face and took a deep breath, settling his heart and mind. “I don’t know why he changed his mind and wants things to go back to how they were, but I… I need to find out before I can tell him yes or no.”

Dick moved to stand and Bruce swiftly followed. “Dick. This isn’t going to be easy. I know I don’t have all the facts, but from what I do know, I don’t think you should be spending time with him. He’s already betrayed you too much.”

Dick could understand Bruce’s caution. Dick hadn’t really spoken to Bruce about his relationship at all except when it fell apart. And for some reason, Bruce had always been wary of Roy. “Bruce. I need to figure things out with him. None of this is going to fix itself.” 

“I know, but I can take you home right now, we’ll go out in Gotham and you can take time to think.” Bruce urged. 

Dick considered the offer and taking the easy way out, but it was never that easy. “I can’t solve my problems like you do.” He said softly. Bruce nodded, looking away. 

“Just be careful.” Bruce urged as Dick went back inside. 

Dick searched for Roy in the crowd. He finally spotted his red hair and felt his heart pick up pace. He approached him from his eyeline, making sure he knew he was returning. His face was set in a determined mask. He wished he could have done this confrontation as Robin. Then Roy wouldn’t see his eyes and read his emotions. 

Roy saw him coming and pulled away from the group he’d been speaking with. Downing a drink and abandoning the glass as he made his way toward Dick. Dick was prepared for everything, or so he thought. He didn’t expect Roy to immediately grab hold of him and steer him off toward a hallway and then shove him into another room that was empty. Dick looked around and assessed this was the storage area for the tables and chairs set up in the event space. “I’m sorry for being so forceful, but I need to talk to you in private.”

Dick glared. “You could have just asked.”

Roy’s shoulders bobbed. “Sorry, I didn’t want to risk a public argument like with Arrow and Batman. You looked pissed.” 

Dick shook his head. “Tell me why you’re ok with jumping back into bed with me even though you know I have feelings for you! What happened to not leading me on, or being paranoid that I’m waiting for you to come around to dating? Are you just not concerned about me at all?! You just want someone to fuck?!”

Roy looked away. “Of course those are still concerns for me. And I’m good if you say no, but I only meant that I am so attached to you I will always want you. I still promise to be friends regardless of any physical stuff, and I’m sorry I broke that promise once. I’m here wanting to be your friend forever and letting you know that I do want you in other ways too.”

“Yes, but why? I don’t doubt that you want me, but why do you want me? You didn’t just go to therapy and decide to use me instead of holding back.” Dick scowled. 

Roy was surprised. “Use you? It’s not like that.”

“What’s it like then? Cuz all I heard was you saying you don’t want to be stuck between hot and cold or thinking I want a relationship, but you’re fine with getting off on me as ‘friends’ cuz that’s all that matters to you.” Dick steadied his breathing as his fists clenched. 

“N..no.” Roy stammered

“THEN WHAT!? Tell me why you’re ok with going back to how we were. Why now? Why me?” Dick turned away from him, not wanting him to see the emotions on his face. 

Roy was quiet. “I… you wouldn’t believe me.”

Dick whirled to look at him again. “Try me!” He growled. He wasn’t in the mood for games or vague answers. 

“I…” Roy shifted uncomfortably. “I think I have feelings for you still. I tried to convince myself that they were dead, and for a while they were. But when you were gone I…” He hid his face in his hands. “God, you make everything confusing. My therapist thinks that I wouldn’t have told you to go home that night if I didn’t have feelings. The fact that I freaked out because you wanted more was because I was also wanting it and got scared I’d have to be in a relationship.”

“That’s stupid.” Dick was angry and hurt. Roy still had feelings for him and he didn’t tell him right away? Instead he approached him saying that they could be friends with benefits again in the middle of a gala, no explanation?

“I know it’s stupid. I’m stupid. I want you, but I can’t be in a relationship with you ok?” Roy huffed. 

“Do you love me?” Dick held his breath. Roy didn’t answer. “Do you love Robin?”

Roy’s eyes closed. “I think your theory from earlier is correct. I think I love both of you, but I… I can’t bring myself to be your boyfriend.”

Dick settled on a stack of spare chairs. “Fine. But tell me why you think after all you’ve done, that I would let you come back and just pretend nothing happened? What if I don’t want to be as close because of your feelings? What if I’m done with you?” All valid concerns in Dick’s mind at the moment. He was still trying to process what Roy had said about being in love with him again. 

“It’ll hurt to stay away, but I’ll do it for you. I’d do anything for you. Whatever you need I want to be that.” Roy said fervently. 

“We both know that’s a lie!” Dick scowled. “You keep doing this. You keep saying you’d do anything for me but it seems like you only do what you want. I don’t doubt that you have feelings for me, but you don’t even believe them. You’re so concerned about feeling trapped or being abandoned that you’ll pretend to give me what I want when it’s actually just what you want. You’re the one that wanted to make out the first night! You were the one asking to hookup that night too! I didn’t want to hurt you but when you learned I was Robin you started directing your hurt onto me! I’ll never forget the way it felt to hear you say you hated me.” Dick’s throat tightened. “I was trying to figure out my feelings for you and you caught on. Only to tell me to leave you alone because I was falling in love. You say you’d do anything for me but it’s a lie!” His fists clenched harder, and he could feel his nails digging into his palms. 

Roy was still, unmoving and unexpressive. “I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not.” Dick spat. “You just want someone to fuck and I’m not going to be your sex toy.”

Roy moved swiftly and Dick hadn’t been prepared. He locked his hands on the sides of Dick’s face and pulled their foreheads together. Dick struggled, but went still as Roy whispered. “If you never want to touch me ever again I’ll let you go. But I need to tell you that I love you. I will always love you and I know we probably won’t ever be together as a couple, but so help me, I will never use you like that. I offered because I thought that’s what you wanted. Tell me what you want and I’ll do it. I’ll kiss you right now, or I’ll leave and never touch you again.”

Dick was still wary and couldn’t grasp the love confession that had just happened. But Roy’s words and his warm breath on Dick’s lips, partnered with his hands keeping them connected, and Dick’s heartbeat hammering in his ears made the room spin. “Roy!” Dick whispered back. Roy was offering to be friends with benefits because he thought that’s what Dick wanted? He’d offer himself to be what Dick wanted despite his fears of Dick wanting a relationship?

“I promise I’ll be here no matter what. It’s the truth this time.” Roy whispered desperately. 

“Prove it.” Dick breathed. He was slowly losing will to distance himself. 

“How?” Roy pulled away slightly to look at him. 

“Kiss me goodbye.” Dick said. “We go back to being friends and nothing else.”

Roy looked struck, but nodded slowly, bringing his lips to press against Dick’s. He tasted like alcohol even though he legally shouldn’t be drinking yet. That might explain why he was being so truthful and open. Dick’s heart flew and crashed at the same time. He wanted nothing more than to keep kissing Roy, but as he pulled away he couldn’t stop himself from pushing him away forcefully. 

Roy stumbled back, catching himself on a table behind him. He sat down, his face clearly saddened, but determined at the same time. “I’m still your friend.” He said as though he were swearing an oath. “I’ll never go back on that promise again.”

Dick nodded. “You better not.” He got to his feet and stepped closer to Roy. 

“I won’t.” Roy promised again. “I’m here. I… please don’t leave me.”

Dick hadn’t moved towards the door at all, but realized Roy meant what he said in a deeper way. He placed a hand on Roy’s shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Roy pulled him in suddenly, bursting into tears and burying his head in Dick’s chest. “I’m sorry.” He whispered finally, wiping his face. “Things never go right between us.”

Dick sighed. “Maybe we’re just not meant to be together. Maybe friends is all the universe wants us to be.”

Roy nodded, letting go. “And I’m not going to say no to that.”

Dick smiled reassuringly. “I’m not going anywhere. I want to be your friend.”

Roy inhaled slowly and got up, standing a little too close and staring intensely into Dick’s eyes. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

Dick let air escape through his nose. “And I’ll hold you to it.”

“So.” Roy moved away from him slightly. “Should we go brave the groups of rich kids waiting to make fun of us?”

“Hey at least we’ll be together. And I’m pretty sure we can inflict more emotional damage to them than they can on us.” Dick snickered. 

Roy laughed and bit his lip. “I missed how funny you are. Come on, let’s go.” He led him out to the main hall again and Dick had to endure Bruce’s watchful stare, alongside readjusting to being around Roy casually. “Damn. Your guardian is glaring daggers at me right now.” Roy said in a hushed whisper into Dick’s ear. 

Dick snorted. “Have you seen yours?” He’d noticed Oliver doing the same thing from the balcony above them. 

“Yeah but he does that a lot. I’ve never seen Brucie angry before.” Roy smirked in amusement. 

Dick laughed. “You have no idea.”

Roy’s attention turned to Dick. “He’s not… does he take out his anger on you?” 

“Not physically.” Dick sighed. “He just becomes overprotective.” Dick then smiled teasingly.

Roy hummed. “I’m surprised he’s not over here telling me to leave you alone.”

“He definitely offered to.” Dick laughed. “Hey uh, does this mean we can hang out again away from prying eyes?” 

“Trying to get me alone again?” Roy teased. “Why, where did you want to go?” 

“Anywhere but here.” Dick chuckled as he glanced at both Ollie and Bruce, still watching them. “I don’t like the surveillance on us.”

Roy looked around for the two men watching over them. “Do you think they’d have a cow if we just walked out of here together?” Roy whispered. 

“Roy?” A woman’s voice drew their attention. 

“Oh uh…” Roy froze. 

“It’s Heather.” She said, blinking. 

“Right, sorry! I’m just a little off tonight.” He smiled. 

“I haven’t seen you since the last gala. You never texted me.” She was clearly annoyed, but passing it off as pouting. 

“I was busy.” Roy shrugged casually. 

Dick hadn’t been at the last Gala. He’d been out with Batman, putting Riddler back behind bars, so he didn’t know the circumstances of this interaction. He watched Roy growing increasingly uncomfortable as the girl spoke to him. He tried to play it off and laugh, but Dick could see him squirming, wanting to get away as she kept talking and getting closer. “Heather was it?” Dick jumped in. “How do you know Roy?”

She smiled. “I met him at the last gala and he was just so sweet I had to give him my number.”

Dick gave her a simpering smile. “He is sweet isn’t he?” He stepped closer to Roy. 

She eyed him with fake charm before turning back to Roy. “So sweet I could just eat him up.” Her flirty giggle made Roy cringe. 

“I think you’d be disappointed at the taste. After all, he does taste like me.” Dick smirked darkly. “And I’m not as sweet.”

Roy lost composure and would have done a spit-take if he’d been drinking. He desperately tried to stop his laughter, but when she huffed and stormed off he laughed harder. “Fuck, can you not be unhinged for like two seconds?” He snorted. “That was crazy. Amazing, but crazy.” He smiled as his laughter died and shook his head. “She was following me around last gala so I finally let her approach and introduce herself. I had no reason to brush her off, but she was trying way too hard to get close.”

“And you like hard to get.” Dick chuckled. 

“Oh… I do.” Roy raised his eyebrows. “Wow I didn’t even notice that was the reason she made me uncomfortable. I thought I was just being cautious.”

Dick shrugged. “Who needs therapy when you have me.”

Roy rolled his eyes. “You’re the reason I’m in therapy right now, don’t start.”

Dick smiled and loved that they could banter again. The rest of the night they spent together, mostly wrapped up in conversation with each other. “I guess I’ll see you at the lair next mission, or next event like this. Whatever comes first.” 

Roy looked confused. “We aren’t going to hang out anymore? Just missions and Galas?”

Dick had to take a second to think. “I think just for now.”

Roy nodded. “That’s fine.” 

Dick was glad he was actually willing to distance themselves a bit. “Thank you.”

Roy paused briefly, looking at Dick as though he was unsure. “So, no kiss goodbye.” He teased, stepping back. 

“You already did that.” Dick smiled sadly. 

Roy nodded. “I did. I’ll see you at base I guess.” He waved as he left and Bruce neared Dick’s side. 

“You ok?” He asked. 

“I’m fine.” Dick nodded, turning away with him to leave the gala. 

Chapter Text

Dick couldn’t sleep. He’d tried, but around 3am he finally gave up and sat up in bed. He scrolled through his messages with Roy. Reading and rereading them, reminiscing everything that had passed between them. How could he have ever known that Roy would become his best and closest friend and lover? He could see now how deeply intertwined they were and longed for the feeling of closeness they’d had. The fact that they’d both admitted feelings now and had agreed to be friends again made him ecstatic, but devastated all at once. He’d had enough time to come to terms with Roy not wanting a relationship with him, but he didn’t know how close to that line he could go. He’d made a comment to chase away another potential suitor tonight and felt justified in doing so, but what if Roy had others that he was actually interested in? Dick would have no real right to be upset or jealous about Roy having someone else. He remembered the sting he’d felt at the museum where he’d noticed Roy had gone off with another man. He couldn’t let himself be jealous like that again. On the other hand, Dick could logically put himself out in the dating scene as well if he wanted to, and wouldn’t need Roy’s approval. He scrolled past pictures Roy had sent him and had to bite his lip. He missed the way it felt to be swapping photos and flirty messages. He put his phone aside and leaned back against the headboard. Could he get used to the idea of having Roy as a friend with benefits again as Roy had suggested, and not have it affect anything? He sighed in exhaustion. Why was he even thinking about it? He’d told Roy that they wouldn’t be continuing with the physical aspect of their relationship so why should he even care? There was no way anything could happen again. An alert came through on his Titan’s comm and he sighed, heading out to join his team. By the time the mission was over he was ready to sleep for days.

“Hey, you ok?” Wally asked. “You look tired.”

Robin nodded. “I didn’t sleep at all last night, but I think I can fall asleep now that we’re done here.”

“Out with Batman? A long patrol and then a mission? That must be exhausting!”  Wally complained. 

“I didn’t patrol, just couldn’t sleep. Too many things on my mind.” Robin corrected. 

Wally shrugged. “I hate when that happens. I usually go for a run when I can’t sleep. Anything I can help you with? Take some burdens off your shoulders?” 

Robin shook his head, placing a hand on Kid Flash’s arm. “Thanks, but it’s just personal stuff. Nothing you can help with.” 

“Ok.” The younger hero fidgeted. “Hey uh, are you… are you and Speedy… never mind.” 

Despite Dick’s fatigue he still knew Wally’s tendencies to scurry off when embarrassed and grabbed hold of him before he could. “Are we what?”

Kid Flash blushed. “Nothing, I just heard… rumors is all. I’m going home now.”

Robin gripped tighter. “What rumors?”

“Barry mentioned how some of the JL members were talking about how you shouldn’t date people on the same team and you and Speedy were used as an example and they’re saying that’s why the team fell apart and I guess that’s what people are thinking caused our defeat by the Terror Titans.” He said quickly. 

Robin rolled his eyes behind the mask. “Well, that’s better than what the rumor could be. And no I’m not dating Roy.”

“Oh. Ok. Were you? Flash made it sound like you two had been together and asked if I’d known about it before it blew up, I guess I’m asking if you’re ok or if you need help with anything related to him. I don’t want to see you guys start fighting again.” He frowned. 

Poor Kid was always wanting everyone to get along and hated arguments. “No we’re not dating, we weren’t dating and I don’t think we ever will. We were… close, but hardly in a relationship. Don’t worry about us though, I think we’ve solved our issues for the most part.”

Wally sighed, looking relieved. “That’s good, because it was awkward there for a while when you two didn’t talk. I didn’t want to say anything, but the rest of us were trying to figure out what was wrong with you two. I think Donna knew, but she wouldn’t tell us anything. We all just had to speculate.”

Robin smirked at the thought of the rest of the team debating about them while Donna sat back enjoying her secret knowledge and refusing to tell. “Well, speculate no more. Roy and I are just friends and everything is ok.” He let go of Wally and smiled. “You don’t need to worry about us. But now…” He yawned widely. “I’m going to sleep.”

“Ok! Get some rest!” Wally zipped away. Robin stumbled into his room, stripping his uniform before showering and barely making it to bed. Two days awake was hardly a record for him, but the mental stress and physically taxing mission had knocked him out. His dreams were of a smirking redhead who coaxed desire from his soul, and silenced all his doubts and reluctance. He woke up gasping and annoyingly hard. He groaned, remembering the erotic nature of his dreams, almost able to feel Roy pounding into him again. Roy was definitely not going to leave his mind any time soon. He took a deep breath and slid his hand down into his boxers. He had barely touched himself when a knock sounded at the door. Dick wanted to tell them to go away, but that would cause more questions and worry that he didn’t want to field. Wrapping his comforter around his body to hide his obvious erection, he opened the door, squinting in the light from the hallway. “What is it?” 

Roy stood outside the door. “Did I wake you?” Dick shook his head. “Can I come in?”

Dick hesitated, not wanting to endanger their newly agreed upon friendship with his current state of arousal. “Fine.” He agreed and rushed back to bed, curling up in the comforter to hide his predicament. 

Roy closed the door behind him and strolled over to the bed, sitting down on it like he owned it. 

Dick tried to subtlety inch away. “Do we have any missions planned for today?”

“Did you not read the log?” Dick grumped. 

Roy shrugged. “I did, but I forgot.” 

Dick inhaled as he squinted at Roy. “And you couldn’t read it again?”

Roy’s lips tugged at the corners. Clearly he was just there to bother Dick. No real pressing matters or questions had lured him here. “You’re a little grumpy. I woke you up didn’t I?” Roy leaned closer in teasing.

Dick rolled over to face the wall, pulling the comforter over his head. “No, I was awake.” Roy’s presence wasn’t helping his hard-on fade, but actually making it worse. If he could get Roy to leave, he could deal with it and get back to normal. 

“Sure you were. Look at you cuddled up all cute and sleepy.” Roy poked his back and Dick curled up more. 

“I was awake and we don’t have anything scheduled until tonight.” He groaned, sounding a little too harsh. 

“Yikes. Wrong side of the bed? What’s wrong?” Roy asked. 

Dick held back from saying ‘you’re what’s wrong’ and just grumbled. “Nothing is wrong, I'm just tired.”

“Mmm bullshit Dickie. I know when you’re hiding stuff from me.” Roy prodded him again. “How am I supposed to be your friend again if you can’t tell me the truth and let me help?”

Dick closed his eyes, holding his breath at Roy’s phrasing. “You can’t help with this.” 

Roy paused a moment. “What’s wrong?”

He sounded serious and deeply concerned. Dick grimaced. Great, now Roy was probably thinking something serious was going on. “Nothing is wrong, I just… I um…”

“I thought you said you wanted to trust me and tell me everything again? Now’s a great time to start, man.” Roy’s tone was close to frustration. 

Dick was done. “Ok. You really wanna know?” He turned onto his back and threw aside the blanket, showing off the still present bulge and now present wet mark from precum. 

Roy bit his lip and his eyes remained on Dick’s lap. “Message received loud and clear.” He made eye contact briefly. “You know I can actually help with that. But, since you don’t want help, I’ll just have to leave you alone with it I guess.” He smirked and stood. “Damn. Now I’m gonna need some help.” He smirked, adjusting his pants. “I’ll be next door, handling the same problem if you want to join.” 

Dick watched him leave and loosened his grip on his blanket. If Roy had made a move he wouldn’t have said no. Not a promising sign for a platonic relationship. Then again, Roy’s intentions were probably never going to be platonic towards him again. He frantically pushed off his boxers and started stroking himself to release. The thought of Roy being so close and doing the exact same thing was making him moan and wish he’d asked him to stay. He would have loved watching Roy take care of it for him and returning the favor. His hand would have to do for now as he desperately needed relief from his torture. He tried not to think about Roy, but he kept coming back into his mind. Thoughts of him in bed, of his dream, about him jacking off in the next room, about all their nights together, about what he’d do with Roy there right then. He came suddenly, panting and trying to catch everything in his discarded underwear. He sighed and decided a cold shower would be best before leaving his room. He took as long as possible to get up and dressed before heading to the communal kitchen. Wally was building a leaning tower of sandwich again and Donna was watching him stack everything carefully as she ate her own food. Roy sat across from her at the table, a knowing smile came across his lips as he looked up at Dick. Dick looked away and made his way to the sandwich supplies.  “Wally, I know you need to eat a lot, but try to save some for the others.” He joked. 

Wally smiled and added another sandwich to his pile. “Right!” He grinned and picked up the plate bearing the wobbling stack. 

Dick didn’t want to watch, but knew Kid Flash would never let any of the sandwiches hit the ground. “See, now that’s a sandwich!” Karen said as she entered the kitchen, gesturing at Wally’s creation. Garth was right behind her and they both joined Dick in making lunch for themselves.

There was something so comforting about having the whole team at one table, all eating, talking, laughing, and, most importantly, getting along. He and Roy were back to their snarky banter and friendly nature. Dick managed to forget anything had ever been amiss between them. Dick smiled, looking around at his team. This is how it should be. Dick laughed alongside the others as Wally recovered from soda going up his nose due to a joke Karen had made. Throughout their conversation he shared stolen looks with Roy. Little meaningful glances that passed between them over simple comments or digs at each other in a teasing playful manner. It started to happen more and more as they continued their missions and normal lives. Dick didn’t think anything was wrong with it, or that it was noticeable until Donna cornered him a few weeks later. “Can you two please stop with the yearning looks?”

“What?” He played dumb. 

“You know what I mean.” She squinted at him. 

Dick did know what she meant. “Donna…”

“No! Just tell me you’re not pining for him again. Cuz he definitely is for you.” She scowled. 

Dick bit his lip. “Uh, we’re just friends still.”

She snorted. “Is that what you call that? Just friends that look at each other like they are fated lovers?”

Dick rolled his eyes. “We don’t…”

“Ah ah ah!” She shushed him. “You look at him like you’ve been struck by Eros. And he looks at you the same.” She chuckled lightly to herself. “Actually, with his god-like archery skills, he might be Eros incarnate and he sees you as his Psyche.”

Dick remained quiet, reviewing the ancient tale of the god of love in his mind. They did seem to have fallen accidentally in love, they had issues with trust, hidden identities, abandonment, and tests. All in line with the story. “Donna, I…”

“No, because tell me why you two are just back to ‘normal’ again except for your pining looks? You’re clearly in the midst of feelings still, but you’re denying each other?” She was confused. 

“We’re just friends. Nothing else.” He clarified. 

“So you’ve told me, but I don’t believe you.” She crossed her arms. “Tell me what’s really going on.”

He shook his head. “It’s complicated.”

“I bet it’s not.” She huffed and walked away in frustration. “But you won’t tell me the truth.”

“Donna.” He followed her to her room. “Donna please believe me when…”

He’d realized two seconds too late that he had walked into a trap. He tried to retreat but the door had closed behind him, her lasso was tightening around him, and he was stuck. “It’s not complicated is it?”

“No.” He gritted his teeth. 

“Are you in love with him?” She asked. 

“Yes.” Dick admitted. 

“Does he love you?” She continued. 

“Yes.” Dick tried to loosen the rope. 

“Why aren’t you together?” Donna asked. 

“He doesn’t like commitment still, so we decided to be just friends.” Dick answered. 

She raised an eyebrow. “Do you want to be just friends with him?” 

“No.” He closed his eyes. 

“Why won’t you tell him that?” She urged. 

“I’m scared of losing him again. He’s promised so many times that he’ll be there, but I can’t take that risk. I…” He struggled against the lasso’s influence. “I think I make everything worse. His anxiety about relationships won’t go away if I just let him have me with no strings attached.”

She stared at him as he tried to shift the lasso. “Oh. You’re actually trying to help him?”

“Yes. I know I’ll always want him and he’ll want me, but I can’t let him have me casually anymore. It won’t benefit either of us. I’ll be constantly pining for something more stable and he’ll be dismissive and avoidant of that.”

“Will he though?” She queried. 

“He…” Dick groaned trying to break free. “He’s in therapy now, but I don’t think he’s going to be able to date someone seriously anytime soon. I don’t want to ruin his progress.”

“So you’re just going to long for each other and never indulge each other’s desires again? All for the sake of him, maybe, possibly wanting to date someone eventually?” She scoffed. 

“Yes.” Dick felt ridiculous. 

“Dick. You’re only denying yourself of the times you could be sharing with him now. If he finally wants to date someone in the future there’s no guarantee it’ll be you, or that you’ll be single.” She took a deep breath. “Maybe I’ve just been raised with the thinking that if people are compatible and have feelings for each other, they should enjoy that together as much as they can. Because a battle may arise that we don’t walk away from.”

Dick felt his heart sink. Was he wasting time by not being with Roy? All the closeness and comfort they could have was just shoved away in favor of maybe one day? “I… I know.” 

She looked at him in silence for a moment before a wicked smile crept over her face. “Is he good in bed?”

“Yes…” Dick’s eyebrows lowered. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Nothing, just curious.” She grinned. 

Dick groaned. “Let me go.”

Donna hummed shortly and released him from her lasso’s hold. “I give it a month.” 

“What do you mean?” Dick said, taking a few deep breaths, recovering from the experience. 

“I mean you two are ridiculous. I know how horny he is, at least how he acts, and your impulse control when it comes to him is hardly…”

“Ok!” Dick sighed, cutting her off. “I am having a hard time with this situation already and I want to go back to what we had, but I don’t want to risk losing him again. That’s enough fear to keep me away this time.”

She squinted at him. “But it wasn’t the first time?”

Dick pinched the bridge of his nose, knowing she had a point. “Donna, please. I don’t need to rethink this more than I already have.”

She raised an eyebrow. “So you have thought about it. Tell me something, is he just as motivated to keep this as is?”

Dick thought about all the times they’d had close calls and backed off before, and how that didn’t seem to be happening as much now. The most that would happen was the lingering looks, or hands brushing softly when standing side by side. “He seems like he is.” 

“Maybe I should try and get him in my lasso.” She tilted her head.

“Donna please. You can get away with this on me, but please don’t do anything that would hurt him.” Dick pleaded. 

“Are you joking? I wouldn’t hurt… oh you mean emotionally. If he’s as allergic to the truth as you are, maybe I will hurt his feelings by making him say it out loud.” She pouted. 

Dick wanted to laugh, but reached out and held onto the lasso still in her hand. “I’m not lying about this. I want more with him, but I don’t want to lose him. So I’m going to keep our friendship as is.”

She nodded and pulled him forward into a hug. “And I’ll support you in any way I can. I’m sorry I ambushed you, I was just trying to help. I had to know if you were telling the truth. You two drive me up a wall and I’m tired of your emotional whiplash. I want you to be happy Dick.”

“I know. I probably would’ve done the same. And maybe this did help.” He shrugged, pulling away. 

“So…” She made a teasing face. “Will you tell me when you guys are back to hooking up?” He stared at her unimpressed. “Ok ok, I’ll leave you alone.” She giggled. 

Dick tried to stop looking at Roy so much. Tried to stop acting like a love struck child, smiling across the room at their crush. But he couldn’t stop the way his heart raced at any sort of casual physical contact. On missions he was disciplined and focused. During down time he was constantly debating whether or not he should talk to Roy about wanting more. He’d spent so much time at Titans base that Alfred and Bruce had noticed. Dick had made up excuses, but hadn’t let on that he was in fact spending more time there for the sole purpose of being around Speedy. He’d also been spending more time hanging out with his team out of uniform and on casual outings. It was good for to have an actual group of friends. He’d yet to be alone with Roy at his house again though. Some or all of the team members would show up on days Roy offered for them to come over. Dick had spent so much time in his own head about Roy, there had almost been an incident between them the day that Garth and Wally were there. Games and pool activities were their main events with those two over. Wally was a video game champ and Garth needed the water to be more comfortable. It was a little too cold that day for outdoor swimming, but Garth was perfectly happy in the pool as Wally tried to use his powers to walk on the surface of the water. Roy and Dick had retreated to the hot tub, the warmth and jets soothing their bodies. Maybe it was because they were relaxed, or because they had spent so much time avoiding it, but they started indulging in physical contact again. Dick sat an arms length away on the flat bench, his body slightly angled towards Roy. Their feet had touched briefly, then more prolonged. Roy stretched out his arms to rest out of the water, his hand hiding just behind Dick’s shoulder, thumb moving softly against Dick’s skin. They held eye contact, both questioning if this was ok, but neither pulled away. 

A splash drew their attention away from each other. Wally had fallen in the pool. He and Garth continued to try and problem solve, both laughing and not really paying attention to the others. “Think he’ll figure it out?” Roy asked. 

“I don’t know if it’s possible. Unless he runs.” Dick smiled watching Wally climb out to try again. Wally’s attention was on the pool and Garth’s was on him. Dick could easily get away with… no. He shouldn’t even entertain the thought of touching Roy. Even though technically their feet were already touching and Roy’s thumb was still caressing Dick’s back.

Dick sat forward slightly and Roy withdrew his arms into the water, their feet pulling apart. “Sorry.”

“It’s ok!” Dick assured. 

“Is it?” Roy rounded on him.

“Uh.” Dick froze. Roy’s intense stare held the same question that Dick was asking himself. Another splash and then laughter broke the tension.

Dick couldn’t come up with an answer before Wally was jogging over and hopping in the warm water. "It’s freezing out there." He shivered, sinking into the warm bubbling pool.

Dick grew concerned about the speedster's health in the temperature outside. “Stay in here for a bit. We don’t need you getting too cold.” Dick warned. Reaching out a hand to Wally’s face. “You’re like ice. Stay here where it’s warm and don’t go back in the pool.” 

“Is that an order?” Wally grinned, his teeth chattering. 

Dick chuckled. “Yes.” He couldn’t afford his speedster being out of commission. 

"Hn, Bossy." Roy teased. 

Garth was the last in the hot tub. “Wow. It’s like being near a thermal vent under the sea.” He exclaimed. 

“Aren’t those near volcanoes?” Wally asked. 

As they discussed oceanography, Dick couldn’t help but catch Roy’s eye again. The question was still there and Dick was still unsure of the answer. After getting Wally warmed up sufficiently they all migrated to clean up and get dressed, eventually ending up in the game room playing pool. Dick and Roy were on opposite teams which allowed for a lot of trash talk. "Come on Birdboy, you and Fishface are going down!"

"Are we? Is that why we’re winning right now?" Dick bragged. 

The way Roy would cockily smile and purposefully bump into him made Dick excited and wanting to flirt back. Of course with others there he couldn’t get too far. When he left that night with the others he felt such a pull on his heart he knew something was going to break. Was Donna right? Would he truly not be able to last in a platonic friendship with Roy? The thought bothered him all the way home and well into the night. 

“Robin!” Dick ducked at the last second, narrowly avoiding one of the robbers throwing a punch at his temple. He’d lost focus, he needed to tighten up. “What happened tonight?” Batman asked after they were in the batmobile again. 

“Nothing, he just got around me.” Robin lied. 

“Got around you?” Batman questioned harshly. “You didn’t even see him coming.” 

“Ok? It’s fine.” Robin was defensive instantly. “You’ve taken hits before.”

“Yes, but I don’t drop my guard completely and leave myself open in the middle of a fight. What were you thinking?” He asked. “You’ve been slipping lately. Your head isn’t in the game and you’re making mistakes. What have you been up to on that team? How have they let your training get this sloppy?” Batman grilled. 

Dick hated when Bruce blamed his team for anything, but especially for his own problems. “I’m just having an off night. It happens!”

“It shouldn’t.” Batman growled. “I need you back in the cave, training, away from the Titans.”

Robin scoffed. “Why? The Titans aren’t the problem, it’s just a bad night.”

“Does this have anything to do with Roy Harper?” Batman interrogated. “You’re spending too much time away, and for what? From what I can see you’re not keeping up on your skills, you’re not focused, and you’re around him way too much, all for nothing.”

That hurt. “I don’t lecture you on the time you spend on Catwoman!” Robin bit back. “Why are you investing time in a common criminal all for nothing?!”

“I don’t let her take me away from where I need to be and what I need to be doing.” Batman growled. 

“Maybe you should.” Robin folded his arms over his chest in a huff. “Then you wouldn’t be so…”

“Stop! Right now!” Batman had been harsh before, but Robin instantly fell silent. They remained in silence till they were at the cave. “I expect you to be back on your routine here tomorrow morning.”

Dick was burning inside, he wanted to lash out, he wanted to leave. Why couldn’t he just be his own person now? “No.”

“What?” Batman turned to look at him. 

“I said no, Bruce.” He glared. “I’m going to Titan’s lair to train with my team. I won’t be here.” 

Batman turned away slightly. “Then don’t expect me to pick up your slack again.”

Dick stormed off and threw his uniform in a bag along with other clothing. A prolonged stay at the team base would probably do them both some good. Bruce had been unusually prickly about Dick’s absence and abrasive about his connection with Roy. While searching through his desk for anything he might need, he found papers that he’d sketched on. He paused, looking at the designs for his very own suit. A new identity, a new hero name, a new fresh start. Could he do it? Maybe one day.

“Is that you master Dick?” Alfred knocked and cracked open the door.

“Come in Alfred.” Dick closed the desk drawer, hiding away the drawings again. 

“Master Bruce tells me you are having a bad night. Can I fetch you anything? Tea? Dinner? Car keys?” Alfred offered, looking over Dick’s packed bags.

Dick sighed heavily. “I need some time to sort out my thoughts. I don’t think I can be here right now.”

“Understandable.” The butler moved forward. “Bruce isn’t the easiest to get along with when he’s worried.”

Dick rolled his eyes. “Is that what that was?” 

“Yes.” Alfred placed a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t be fooled by his walls, he’s trying to get you to come home. To be safe.” 

“I’m perfectly safe on my own. With my team. They’re not holding me back, he is.” Dick broke away and finished packing. “I’ll see you sometime I guess.”

“Do let me know if you require anything.” Alfred said gently. Dick turned and hugged him before grabbing his bags and taking off. 

Chapter Text

Dick’s heart rate was galloping as Roy’s body pressed to his. If they weren’t in a dangerous scenario he might have been turned on. 

“Are you ok?!” Speedy had tackled him to keep him from getting hit by a car flying in his direction. 

“I’m fine.” They hopped up and continued their attacks on the monster at hand. That’s twice in a week he’d gotten distracted and was in the path of danger. Robin had to focus to get the fight back on track. What was usually pure instinct and training kicking in to flawlessly defeat enemies, became intentionally thought out moves and step by step focus. Just like in practice or when he had been learning from Batman. 

“Whew! I thought that fight would never end.” Bumblebee sighed when they finally had a moment to rest. 

“Indeed. Today was a challenge.” Wonder Girl answered. 

“I’m glad you figured out it had that weak point!” Bumblebee praised. 

“Same. Or we’d still be stuck here fighting it.” Wonder Girl agreed as they walked away. 

Robin frowned at overhearing them. He should have seen it earlier. He was failing his team. “Hey, you’ll get mask tan lines” Speedy approached Robin as he’d been sitting on the street corner, resting from the fight. “You ok?” He stood over him, shading him from the sun. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Robin looked up at him. 

“You didn’t seem fine out there.” Speedy said, his tone still neutral, not accusing or harsh. 

“I have a lot on my mind.” He said. “The team was handling things. Donna took charge. Everything is fine.”

“I understand the team is well coordinated. And that we trained for days where you might not be here, but you were here and it felt like you weren’t.” Speedy said evenly. 

Robin squinted up at him. “I led the fight, what are you…”

“You led the fight and it took too long.” Speedy interrupted. “Wonder Girl ended the fight like you should have, hours ago.”

Robin’s head turned to look away. “I didn’t see its weakness. I wasn’t even looking. You’re right.”

“Say that again birdboy, I’m what?” Speedy gloated above him. 

“You’re right. I wasn’t thinking, I was just fighting.” He sighed. 

“You’re damn right. What’s got you worked up? Where’s that strategic planning, cool headed approach?” He asked with a smirk. “I know I’m distracting, but..”

Robin stood suddenly, stepping into Speedy’s space. “Not everything is about you.” He growled before walking away. He’d gotten defensive, not wanting Roy to know part of his distraction was him. How would that look to Roy if he knew Dick was so off balance partially because of him? It would look like he couldn’t handle being friends. That was something Dick couldn’t let him think. 

Back at base he was the only one left. Everyone else had gone home, but Dick liked the quiet this time. Sometimes it was lonely, sometimes it was empty. Tonight it was calming. He wandered the halls, the kitchen, the training rooms, the gym. He eventually ended up in the pool area swimming laps to help calm his brain. The pool lights were on, but he kept the others off. It was a relaxing, but somewhat eerie glow in the otherwise dark room. So much was going on and he needed to get his mind right. Everything with Bruce, with wanting to branch out on his own, with wondering about his future, and about Roy. He thought back to their day in the hot tub. How he’d asked if their physical touch had been ok. Dick had froze, and didn’t have an answer. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. His answer was that he wanted to be with Roy again, but that he didn’t want to ruin their friendship. He longed to be touched by him, to kiss him. Dick turned to float on his back, staring at the dark ceiling. He valued his friendship with Roy more than the physical affection he could get from him. That always seemed to lead to trouble between them anyway. He closed his eyes and thought about what he could say to Roy.  

Dear Roy… was he writing a letter? No. Hey Roy, I really like you and want to fuck you, but I don’t think I can touch you at all because it’ll ruin everything. He frowned. Roy would argue like he always did. He was always contrary to what Dick was saying. He’d promise again not to let it interfere with the friendship between them. As if that promise had ever been true. Dick sighed, and let himself sink into the water. He held his breath and tried to slip into a meditative state like Batman had taught him. Speaking of Batman… Not even a text had come through yet from Bruce. Did Bruce not want him to come back? He’d checked in with Alfred and knew that Bruce was fine. He wasn’t injured or unable to contact him, he just didn’t. But then again, Dick didn’t contact him either. He wondered what Roy would say about this situation. Probably say fuck Batman, be your own boss. Dick’s mind wandered while thinking of Roy. What if they just went back to the phase of we can kiss but not fuck? Not that that worked out well the first time. So far everything with Roy felt like he was stuck in a constant loop of on and off and wanting to avoid falling out with him. Was this their fate? He wanted to just let Roy have him. He wasn’t even sure if he cared about being used as a bootycall and nothing else anymore. At least it would solve the issue of being desperate to touch him. He pictured telling Roy he wanted him again, watching the gears turn in his mind before he inevitably attacked him with kisses and desperate touches. As the vision progressed Dick’s heartbeat increased and he wouldn’t be able to stay underwater for too much longer. The way he could envision Roy in his mind, see his impatient arousal, and face full of wanting. He was definitely left with a desperation that he knew he shouldn’t have. He needed to stop thinking about Roy. He should just think about his next move as far as hero stuff, an even more worrying prospect. 

A noise from the surface caught his mind off guard and before he could think, arms encircled him and he was hauled to the surface. He took a deep breath and struggled away from the sudden presence grabbing him. “Roy?” He held onto the side of the pool, catching his breath. “What are you doing here?”

“Saving you from drowning.” Roy panted. 

“I wasn’t drowning.” Dick frowned. 

“You were down there a long time and you looked dead.” Roy defended. 

“Why are you here? You went home.” This was the last thing Dick needed right now. 

“Yeah, but I forgot I left something, and saw your car still here. Your room was empty, I couldn’t find you anywhere, and you also weren’t answering your phone. Then I saw you laying on the bottom of the pool. I waited, knowing you can hold your breath for a while but it freaked me out.” Dick paused for a moment, just staring at Roy. Water had weighed down his hair and was still running down his face. His eyelashes were damp and his lips were slightly parted and shiny. His eyes were bright, almost expectant. “Just tell me you weren’t trying to drown and I’ll leave you alone.” A droplet of water fell from Roy’s eyelashes as he blinked and Dick’s gaze traced down his face, wanting time to stand still. Something took hold of Dick and he leaned in to kiss him. Their lips barely brushed as Roy pulled away. “Woah, hey!” 

Dick pulled back, heart sinking. “Sorry…I.”

“I thought you said you wanted to be just friends.” Roy’s smirk was antagonistic and teasing. 

“I do.” Dick hauled himself out of the water, grabbing his towel and racing back to his room. 

“Wait!” Roy was following behind. 

“I don’t want to talk! It was a mistake. Goodnight!” He called over his shoulder. Dick was angry at himself as he locked himself in his room. Why was this so difficult? He was glad Roy didn’t try to talk to him more that night and decided he’d ignore what had happened. It shouldn’t have happened anyway. 

Through the next week he would talk to Roy as normal, but never brought up anything about the almost kiss. He attempted to be as platonic minded as possible, but things would happen that would bring them into close contact. Like when he had accidentally gotten a batarang stuck in the wall of the training area and was trying to dislodge it. Roy was “helping” and ended up pressing up against Dick as they both pulled on the projectile. “Damn, what did you do to this? How did you manage to…” They fell backwards together, batarang spinning across the floor. “Ouch!” Roy laughed as Dick rolled off of him. Dick tried not to think about falling right into Roy’s lap and laughed along with him. 

Another close call happened when on a mission. They had to duck and hide in place from an assailant with barely enough room for them both. Robin yanked Speedy’s hat off. “Hey!” 

“Shhhh!! You’re too noticeable!” Robin whispered. 

“You think my hair is any more subtle?!” Speedy whispered angrily back. Grabbing his hat and putting it on while ducking lower. “Stay down, I’ll take a look.”

“You stay down, I’ll…” Robin tried to protest but suddenly Speedy was ducking and pulling him down. Roy pointed, indicating that the enemy was close and held a finger to his lips. Dick nodded and waited. After a while he popped up and looked around. The thing hunting them was still searching and he had to quickly duck, pulling Roy down closer to him. He could feel the warm breath on his cheek and had to focus on anything other than his heart pounding and Roy’s face being inches from his. They managed to ambush their target soon after and he was spared from having to be close to Roy. 

Another incident happened after the team was doing a training exercise. They coordinated perfectly, hitting all the practice targets in record time. A celebration was in order and they all went out to eat. Roy happened to be sitting next to Dick in the middle of the circle booth. Even though the booth fit everyone on the team comfortably, their legs pressed against each other. Dick couldn’t help but feel a spark every time Roy’s knee bumped against his. At one point, Roy’s hand was resting on his thigh under the table and Dick was so tempted to reach over and try to hold it. He wanted Roy’s hand to move over to his thigh instead of Roy’s own. He gently pressed his leg against Roy’s and waited. Roy’s hand moved, but only to be above the table again. Dick was disappointed and secretly wondered if he could get away with placing his hand on Roy’s leg. It took him a while to get the courage to do it, but when he gently slid his fingertips over the top of Roy’s thigh he was startled by the noise Roy made. “You ok over there?” Wally asked with a weird smirk. 

“Yeah. This burger is just really good.” Roy smirked. 

“Ok, because it sounded like something else.” Wally teased. “Didn’t know the food here was so orgasmic.” He laughed with the rest of the team. 

Roy crumpled a napkin and threw it at Wally. “How would you know, virgin?” 

Wally turned red and looked away. “So, he’s just not supposed to know what sexy moaning sounds like?” Karen sassed. “If you’d stop making love to your food over there we could all just ignore it.” She laughed. 

Donna was looking right at Dick, a small questioning smile on her face. She probably suspected Dick of doing something to Roy and Dick slowly brought his hand back up, reaching for his drink to show Donna his hands weren’t occupied under the table. The meal went on as normal, but not without a few brushing fingers on thighs. Dick was disappointed when they all headed back to base and he separated from Roy again. 

…

“Hey, uh… I’ve noticed you’re here a lot more. I mean a lot more than usual.” Charley said a few weeks into Dick’s stay at the base. 

“Yeah.” Dick sighed. “I’m living here for a bit. Not permanently or anything, I just needed space on my own.”

“I get that. Is there anything I can do for you?” He asked.

“No. Thank you Charley.” Dick smiled. “About our pages online though, I did want to have you update…”

“Dick.” Charley looked more withdrawn than usual. “If you’re running from something, your team can help. We’re here for a reason.”

Dick let out a slow breath. “How did you decide to drop the identity of Golden Eagle? How did you decide to quit?” 

Charley’s eyebrows rose. “Are you thinking of quitting the hero business?”

“Maybe not entirely. But I… I might need to move on from being Robin.” Dick hadn’t said it out loud to anyone yet and it struck him. A decade of work with Batman and he was actually seriously debating a new path.

Charley pulled up a chair next to him. “I don’t quite understand the pressure of having your mentor’s expectations hanging over you in the same way as Batman’s. Sure I had the pressure to live up to Hawkman, but I was always different. I was mostly on my own and being my own hero. When I did work in a team I realized how much expectation there was to be correct in every decision, to never step out of line, to always show a good face. I realized I was never one for the team. Or for being a public hero. There was way too much pressure and notoriety. You lose people and it’s always your fault.”

“So how did you have the guts to walk away?” Dick asked quickly, trying to avoid bringing up anything too painful. 

Charley smiled softly. “You just have to do what’s best for you. Put everything else aside and go for what you want. Stop listening to anyone and everything else. It’s a tremendous privilege to be relied on, but also a weight that will crush you if you’re not careful. Do what you need.” He reached out and placed a comforting hand on Dick’s knee. “You’ll be great no matter what you choose.”

Dick felt all the heavy choices he was grappling with compounding together and took a deep breath. Charley could tell he was distressed and hooked an arm around his shoulders. Dick leaned against the former hero and closed his eyes. “What happens when I choose to do what I want, and life falls apart?”

Charley laughed, pulling him closer. “Don’t worry boss, things have a surprising way of working out how they need to. It might hurt for a while, but it always gets better.”

Dick nodded, smiling and about to thank Charley for his insight and advice when Roy entered the room. “Am I interrupting something?” His arms folded over his chest and a curious look on his face. 

Charley chuckled, pulling away. “Only if you count walking in on heart to hearts about hero stuff interrupting.” He turned back to Dick. “What were you saying earlier about updating the webpage?”

…

“Why did you say that?” Dick asked as he was walking down the hall, followed by Roy.

“Say what?” Roy inquired. 

“Am I interrupting something?” Dick mocked in a sarcastic tone, upset that Roy would even consider the possibility of something happening between him and Charley. 

“Hey, I thought it was funny. I didn’t mean anything by it.” Roy defended. “He had his arm around you, you were smiling, I thought it’d be a good joke.”

“Clearly not.” Dick huffed. 

“Hey, I know he’s good at advice ok, I’ve gone to him for an unbiased opinion before, I get you wanting that too.” Roy scoffed. “Why are you being such a…”

Dick spun, causing Roy to stop short and nearly crash into him. “Are you jealous?”

Roy looked confused. “No.” 

“Why?” Dick asked, breathing getting irregular. 

“Why am I not jealous? Because there’s nothing to be jealous of? What do you want me to say?” Roy’s eyebrows knit in confusion. “Do you want me to be jealous? What’s wrong with you?”

“No… I…” Dick pressed a palm to his forehead. “I’m fine. I just have some decisions to make.”

“Ok.” Roy seemed hesitant and flighty. “What decisions?” 

“Nothing for you to be worried about. It’s just Batman stuff.” He looked at Roy with a slight spark of hope blooming in his chest. “But also…” He wanted to ask Roy to be his again. Could he do it without ruining everything? Roy had been more than willing to touch him in the hot tub, and he may have implied that he wanted more, but then he backed off when Dick had tried to kiss him. Was any of this worth it?

Roy’s eyebrows rose before his tongue passed over his lips. “Are you alright? You didn’t get replaced by an imposter did you?” He chuckled lightly. “You seem really worked up about something and I…”

Dick interrupted him. “I am!” He didn’t know quite how to explain. 

“Ok, come here then. Cuz we need to talk.” Roy gestured for him to follow and went into his room. “Ok now spill.” He said once he’d locked them in. “And I know for a fact you’re not just ‘worked up’ about me saying dumb stuff to Charley. Tell me what’s really going on.”

Dick swallowed heavily. “I’m thinking about quitting Robin and making my own identity.” 

Roy looked shocked, before shrugging and running a hand through his hair. “I mean, it’s not a bad idea.” He hummed. “Maybe I should look into the same. Finally tired of being in Batman’s clutches?”

“He’s not that bad, I just can’t be my own person if I’m always with him. Our dynamic worked so well as a kid. I needed that figure there to guide and reassure me, but now…” Dick paused. 

“It feels restrictive.” Roy clearly understood. 

“Yeah. I feel like he’s never going to see me as an adult if I don’t show him that I am one.” Dick sighed. “I can’t keep being his Robin.”

Roy stepped forward, a cocky smirk on his face as he brought a curled finger under Dick’s chin. “You could be my Robin.” 

Dick knew he was teasing, but something in him broke. Charley’s advice of do what you need, and Donna’s goading took over. “I want you.” He looked into Roy’s stunned eyes. “I’m sick and tired of pretending that I don’t have feelings for you. I don’t care about what anyone else thinks, I don’t care if Batman thinks I’m reckless, I don’t care if we’re never going to be in a relationship, I just want to do what I want for a change!” Dick said, chest rising and falling with quickened breath and heart hammering. 

Roy’s jaw dropped slightly and then an unsure smile crossed his face. “I want that too to be fair, but are you really ok with this? Is that why you tried to kiss me that one time?” 

Dick nodded. “Can we go back to how it was? Can we be friends with benefits again? I swear to you that I won’t expect anything from you that you don’t want.”

Roy withdrew from him, a look of confusion on his face. ”I…” He shook his head with a slight smile. “To be honest with you, I’m down for whatever. As long as there’s no commitment. But I’m not going to do anything with you unless I know for sure that you want the same. I can’t keep hurting you or breaking your heart. I wanted to keep my distance, but you never make it easy.” 

“I know the feeling.” Dick stepped in, leaning forward and pausing just before their lips could touch. “I need you.”

“Did you want to talk about that night you tried to kiss me?” He said, gently pulling away. 

Dick smirked slightly. “You interrupted my underwater meditation, I didn’t have enough oxygen in my brain to think rationally.”

Roy scoffed lightly. “And now? Still oxygen deprived?”

Dick chuckled. “My blood is flowing to the wrong head right now. So yes.”

Roy was the one that closed the distance this time, giving in and joining their lips. He pulled back slightly and placed small kisses on his cheek before whispering in his ear. “Personally think it’s the right head. The one that needs my attention.”

Dick couldn’t hold back any longer. He rejoined their lips and walked Roy back towards his bed. “Take off your clothes.” Dick ordered and Roy was all too eager to please. 

Once he was unclothed Dick pushed him down onto the bed, studying his muscles and how gorgeous he was. He was clearly very excited about what was happening and stroked himself lightly, looking expectantly up at Dick. “What’s next?” Dick quickly grabbed a condom and lube, shoving down his pants and readying himself. He climbed over Roy, spreading his legs and aligning his tip to his entrance. Roy gasped as he pushed in. Dick was impatient and could only thrust slowly a few times. The way Roy’s voice whined and his breath quickened made Dick want to… “Oh fuck baby, just like that!” Roy encouraged. 

Dick’s hips moved faster and Roy moaned, biting his lip. “Say that you want me.” Dick groaned as he was shifting to get deeper into Roy. 

“You know that I want you!” Roy snarked. 

Dick stopped in his movements and Roy let out a disappointed sigh. “I told you to say it.” Dick needed this, needed to hear it. 

Roy’s eyes opened, making direct eye contact with Dick. “You already know I do.”

Dick leaned forward, resting on one elbow by Roy’s head. His other hand traced down to Roy’s leaking cock. His thumb stroked the weeping head and Roy’s lungs faltered. “Say it.”

“I…” He gasped as Dick applied more pressure and thrust slowly into him at the same time. 

“Say it.” Dick said, fully stroking Roy now, slow and strong. 

“Oh fuck!” Roy panted. “You’re gonna make me…”

“Say it!” Dick ordered. He had to hear it, needed to hear it directly from Roy’s lips.  

“I want you!” Roy finally relented as Dick’s hand and hips synced their movement. “Fuck I want you so bad!” Roy was breathing hard and shivering as he came all over himself. The sight of it fueled frantic feelings in Dick’s stomach. He was driven further by passion and flames in his chest. He shoved in faster and rougher, releasing inside to the sound of Roy swearing under his breath and moaning. 

Dick slumped over him, barely bracing himself up. “You ok?”

“Only if you don’t run away again.” Roy laughed breathlessly. 

Dick frowned. “Then don’t chase me away again.” He pulled out and went to clean up. 

“Hey.” Roy followed, cleaning himself off as well. “I’m sorry I did that.” Dick wouldn’t make eye contact and continued his task. “I already said I’m sorry and I meant it. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Well, you did.” Dick went back to grab his clothes and put them on, sitting down grumpily on Roy's bed. 

Roy surprised him by approaching and kneeling in front of him, taking his hands and looking at him. Something about Roy being so vulnerable was stirring Dick’s heart. He was naked, kneeling, his eyes full of sincerity. “I don’t want to hurt you like that ever again.” He paused, taking a breath. “I swear if you tell me what to do I’ll do it. Tell me you want to be friends with benefits. Tell me you want me to leave you alone and I will.”

“Be with me again.” Dick bit his lip, trying not to be too eager. “I want what we had. Just friends, but with sex.”

Roy laughed and stood, finding his clothes. “Ok then. We’ll be lovers again. No commitment till I’m ready though, ok?” He joked, while pulling his pants on. 

Dick nodded. “At this point I doubt there’ll ever be a day we’re together officially.” Roy looked sad. More than Dick had thought he would be. “Sorry.”

“No.” Roy managed a smile. “You’re right, I’m probably broken for good. But please, I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to be back to how we were, just like you want.” He pulled on his shirt. 

Dick nodded. “Alright. Then… That means we can do stuff whenever?”

Roy chuckled. “Why? You horny again already?” 

Dick laughed and shook his head. “Just making sure.” 

“Yes.” Roy held out a hand and helped him up, pulling him into a kiss as he stood. “There, finally I’ll get to kiss you whenever I want.” He laughed at Dick’s blush. 

“Within reason.” Dick clarified. 

“Hmmm, no making out in front of the team? You sure?” Roy teased. “Oooh or we could just go make out in the batcave to piss off Batman. We’ll get you a new costume and hero identity and then show him he can’t tell you no anymore.” Roy grinned. 

Dick paused. “Roy? Do you think I can do it?” 

Roy leaned in with a facetious smirk. “Oh I know you can do it, that’s why I’ve been wanting you.” He winked. 

Dick rolled his eyes. “No. Do you think I can become my own hero identity? To work on my own?”

Roy looked at him soberly. “I think you can do whatever you put your mind to. You are one of the strongest, most talented, smartest people I’ve ever met. If anyone could make it on their own it’s you.” Roy’s smile lingered. “And I promise I’ll be here with the team to help you in any way needed. I know my promises have been shit lately, but I swear to you I’m here. I’ll support you.” 

Dick felt the warmth in his heart flutter and he stepped close to kiss Roy. “Thank you.”

They stood together, kissing softly for a while. “Oh by the way, don’t tell Donna we’re doing this.” Roy smirked against Dick’s mouth. 

“Why?” Dick pulled away slightly. 

“She keeps glaring at me when I’m around you. I think she’s protective of you and thinks we’re too close.” Roy said. “Or she’s jealous.”

Dick shook his head. “She’s definitely overprotective, but I think it’ll stop if I tell her we’re back together.” 

“Back tog.. Has she known the whole time?!” Roy looked shocked. 

“Not the whole time…” Dick had to think. “Wait…no, she’s known the whole time. She’s my closest confidant.”

“Wish I’d known that.” Roy rolled his eyes. “That explains so much about her mood towards me.”

Dick laughed. “Sorry. I tell her everything. I kinda have to or she’ll lasso me.” 

Roy hummed. “Damn. Think she’d do that to me?” He grinned perversely. 

Dick rolled his eyes. “Maybe if you ask nice.” He joked. Roy laughed, bringing their bodies back together. “Will you always be here for me?” Dick asked. He wanted so badly to never be hurt by Roy again. “Always be my friend?”

Roy drew him close and whispered. “I promise.”

They spent that night together in Dick’s room after the rest of the team left. Dick couldn’t resist Roy, and practically dragged him to bed with him. He couldn’t help how ecstatic he felt about Roy fucking him again. He couldn’t believe they were back to their closeness and familiarity. He blushed as Roy combed his hair back and kissed his forehead. 

“I missed you.” Roy whispered, holding him close after they’d finished. 

“I missed you too.” Dick admitted. He loved feeling Roy’s arms around him again and knew nothing could keep them apart except for distance or other relationships. Not that Dick was actively trying to date anyone. For now he’d just let himself be. Let himself remain close with Roy and never worry about the future.

Chapter Text

Years later. 

“Nightwing.” Roy nodded. 

“Arsenal.” Dick nodded back, before breaking out in a smile. He rushed into a hug and Roy laughed. 

“Hey, it’s been forever!” They held tight to each other. “I never told you how good you look in this costume. But the color scheme? Black and blue? Did you get beat up one too many times and decide to adopt the look?” He teased as they pulled apart. “You could’ve kept some of the yellow, or lighter blue. Or that deep v.” He grinned. 

“At least I look like I’m trying to be stealthy now, look at you! You still look like a fire hydrant.” He gestured. “And a hat still? I thought you’d lose that by now.” 

“Just like you lost your cape?” Roy snorted and twirled a finger. “Turn around then Nightwing, show me that silhouette without a cape.” 

Dick blushed. “Hey.” He’d dealt with the public comments about his ass, but the fact that Roy was bringing it up made him self conscious about it again. 

“Don’t worry birdboy, I can still see it in my mind whenever I want.” He grinned, referring to their past. “Wouldn’t mind seeing it again in person though.” He shrugged playfully. 

“Your place or mine?” Dick teased. 

“I don’t know, depends on what you have planned.” Roy smirked. 

“Would you two get a room already!” Donna called from across the street. 

“Hey! Just because you can hear us, doesn’t mean you should listen!” Arsenal shouted with a smile and a wave. “You’re welcome to join too babe!”

Dick smacked Roy’s shoulder. “Leave her alone.”

“Why? She’s fun. She’d be great to bring along.” Roy grinned. 

Dick cringed. “Ew. She’s like my sister!”

Roy looked at him surprised. “Wait, you two never…”

“NO!” Dick and Donna both yelled at the same time. 

“Ok! Shit, sorry I said anything.” Roy laughed. “Call me later princess if you want another round, I’ve got to get this one out of here for now.” He threw an arm around Dick’s neck dragging him away. 

“Another round? You and Donna are still hooking up?” Dick asked, amused. 

“Occasionally. Very far and few between.” He shrugged. “But I never see it coming. Just like the first time. She swears she was only coming into my room to talk, but we didn’t do a lot of talking that night.”

Dick chuckled, breaking free from Roy. “When was that by the way?” 

“Back when you started dating Starfire.” Roy admitted. 

“Oh.” Dick nodded. “Yeah, I wouldn’t have noticed, probably.” Dick had been way too occupied by his new relationship with Kori to notice anything between Roy and Donna. That is until they announced that they were dating. Dick remembered the blow to the gut of feeling like he’d never been good enough for Roy to date. The pain that Donna knew about their situation and still agreed to be in a committed relationship with Roy, left Dick feeling betrayed. The depression was difficult to overcome at that time and it took Donna tying him up in her lasso again to finally confess to her that he felt that way. To which she had to tell him that he was wrong. That Roy still loved him, but the timing just wasn’t right for them to be together. That she and Roy had concluded together that Roy getting used to commitment was better done with someone other than Dick. That Dick would have been under too much pressure in a relationship with Roy at that time and it was better for everyone involved that he date Donna instead. Plus, Dick was with Kori anyway. 

“King of driving people crazy, aren’t you?” Roy scoffed. “In fact, you drove us right into each other’s beds too. I hope you’re proud of yourself.”

Nightwing looked confused. “Why would I have driven Donna to you? I understand you wanting to… be distracted from me dating someone, but her? She’s like a sister to me.”

Arsenal smirked. “Because you were dating Starfire .” Roy emphasized. 

Dick paused for a moment before realizing. He glanced around and lowered his voice. “Donna liked Starfire?” 

“Ding ding ding, he gets it!” Roy laughed, hitting Dick’s arm. “You’re really dumb for being so smart. But I get it, believe me. You weren’t thinking with the right head back then.” He smirked, pushing him up against the wall of an alleyway nearby. “I know all too well what that feels like. But yeah, I was in love with you, she was in love with Kori, and when you two started dating she came to me to talk about it. We kinda found our feelings for each other after that.” 

“She never told me.” Dick was saddened. 

“Of course she wouldn’t. Even if you’re like a brother to her she wouldn’t tell you she had a crush on your girlfriend.” Arsenal scoffed before leaning in close enough to kiss him. 

“My place.” Dick said suddenly. 

“What?” Roy pulled away. 

“I asked earlier, your place or mine, my place is closer.” Dick smirked. “Just up the street in fact, but we have to be quick.”

…

The lower half of Nightwing’s suit had been pulled down enough for Roy to take him into his mouth. Roy’s hat was already backwards allowing him more movement in sucking him fully into his throat. Nightwing stood with his head tilted back, before looking down at Arsenal on his knees. He grabbed the cap and pulled it off, flinging it across the room. 

“Hey!” Roy said, bringing his mouth off of him. 

Dick reached down and took a fistful of his hair before repositioning his tip at Roy’s lips. “You’ll get it back later.” He nudged his hips forward and pushed into Roy’s mouth again. Both hands were in Roy’s hair now as he shoved in. Roy gripped the back of his legs, ass, and hips as he moved his mouth, falling back into a desperate pace, clearly trying to make him burst. 

Dick moaned and his lungs caught as he felt himself drawing near completion. He pulled against Roy, thrusting his hips roughly. Roy didn’t resist, but tilted forward a little to let Dick in deeper while glancing up at him. Dick was nearly there and couldn’t help but stare down at Roy’s face as he shoved into his mouth again and again. Roy grabbed harder with his hands and encouraged Dick to go faster. Dick sped up and was hit with the wave of release as he came in Roy’s mouth. When he was finally done, Roy pulled away, swallowing and standing up. Before Dick could ask if he was ok, he’d grabbed Dick’s shoulders and spun him around, bending him over on the bed. He had no trouble finding the condoms and lube in Dick’s bedside drawer as he pulled the costume down more for access to him. “You never learned to relax.” Roy panted as he shoved in. “Damn!”

Dick laughed breathlessly. “Maybe I just haven’t done this in a while.”

Roy’s fingers gripped his hips as he started to thrust into him. “Saving yourself for me babe?”

“Ah!” Dick tried to readjust and Roy shoved him forward onto his stomach. He gripped the covers of the bed and moaned into the mattress to keep from being too loud as Roy was mercilessly pounding into him. 

“God! You still feel amazing!” Roy cried as his hips quickened. Dick gasped at the harsh pleasure rolling through him. He had wanted this so badly and couldn’t stand relaxing. He needed to tighten up around Roy, feel him more. Roy’s hips changed rhythm and he groaned. Dick gasped at the heat blooming in his chest as he felt Roy starting to cum. “Fuck!” Roy slowed as he was shaking with release. He slid in deeper once more, rubbing fingers up Dick’s spine before pulling out. He stood and disposed of the mess in the bathroom before closing up his costume and grabbing his hat off the floor. Dick had fixed his own uniform and sat waiting for him on the bed. “If I didn’t have somewhere else to be, I’d stay the night.” He chuckled, sitting down next to him. 

“Where do you have to be?” Dick wondered. “What’s more important than me?” He teased. 

“My daughter.” Roy smirked. 

“Ah. Yeah, I definitely have to let you go then.” Dick chuckled. “Lian is far more important.” 

“Don’t worry, you’re still important to me too.” Roy assured, leaning in and kissing him deeply. Dick smiled wildly as they parted. “What?” Roy asked, mirroring his smile. 

“You taste like me again.” He chuckled. 

Roy laughed. “Your favorite flavor probably.” 

“Only from your lips.” Dick smirked. 

“Damn, you say things like that and I…” Roy paused and reached up, taking off his mask. “Do me a favor, let me see your pretty eyes?”

Dick obliged, peeling off his domino and letting Roy stare deeply into his gaze before kissing him again. Roy moved, tipping him backwards and pinning him down to the bed as they kissed. He pulled at his Nightwing uniform again, exposing his hip before dipping down and sucking a mark into his skin.  “Making sure I remember you?” Dick chuckled. 

Roy studied his work before kissing it and standing up. “I don’t know when I’ll be back in Bludhaven. Keep me in your thoughts babe.” He winked and headed to the wall he’d left his quiver and weapons leaning against. 

Dick fixed his clothes again and grabbed his escrima sticks. “You should know, I think about you all the time anyway.” 

Roy turned and tapped a finger under Dick’s chin. “I bet you do.” He paused, looking into his eyes again before leaning in for a kiss. 

When they pulled away, Dick replaced his mask, letting Roy know they should leave. Roy put his on and finished gathering his stuff.  They met up with the rest of Nightwing’s team and the other heroes that had shown up. Dick blushed at Donna’s knowing grin as she looked at them both. He finished with the mission debrief and checked in on clean up duties. “Thank you Arsenal for helping out earlier, hopefully we see you around more often.” He said as the others were dismissed. 

“I’ll be here if you need me.” He brought him in for a hug and let go. “Stay out of trouble.”

He walked away and Nightwing called after him. “No kiss goodbye?” Anyone else around them would think it was just a joke. Teasing between former teammates. 

“You can kiss my ass!” Roy laughed and waved back at him. 

Dick smiled and shook his head before Donna leaned in on his shoulder. “Still up to your old habits I suppose? Was it good?” She whispered, giggling as he sighed. 

“You would know. Apparently you’re still hooking up with him too?” Dick smirked at her. 

She snorted. “Sure I did, but that was a while ago. He learn any new tricks?” She grinned. 

Dick cleared his throat. “Donna, I thought I told you to help with the disaster cleanup.” He had a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. 

“Oh I’m going to, just wanted to make sure you weren’t going to be all frustrated and blue. But it sounds like he made you happy, so I’ll be off.” She winked and flew away before he could respond. 

Dick laughed and went to follow up with the rest of his team. He loved Roy, he could admit that, but their lives could never be intertwined as one. He felt like that had always been their fate. Their brief meetings and hookups would punctuate long periods of nothing but texts and calls. They were still friends, and occasional lovers, but Dick was happy about it and knew their bond was unbreakable. Whatever the future brought them, they could keep that connection of love and friendship forever, regardless of any status between them. It was meant to be, and surely it was perfect for them both. Dick arrived home late that night after helping with the aftermath of their successful mission. He checked his phone and smiled at the text from Roy.

“I had fun tonight, hope you sleep well. Lian says hi.” A picture of Roy with little Lian cuddled up on his chest asleep made Dick smile. 

“Sleep well.” Dick typed back. He was caught off guard when a reply came through immediately. 

“Dinner tomorrow?” Dick was surprised, but couldn’t help the wide smile blooming on his face. 

“Sure. Let me guess, not a date?” Dick joked. 

“It could be.” Roy answered. “See you tomorrow.” 

Dick laughed to himself. Maybe he was finally going to get his chance to be with Roy. Or maybe this was just as it would be forever. Either way he smiled and couldn’t wait for tomorrow night.