Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The longer Sasara Amiki stayed in Redo, the longer a strange, yet familiar yearning grew.

Her resolve to protect everyone in the Go-Home Club never changed one bit. It was their future she was protecting, not her own - even if she were to die the moment she returned to reality, Sasara was prepared for it. From the moment her memories returned on that fateful day, she never once wavered.

…And yet, something couldn’t help but tremble in her heart. But what that something was…felt so unusual. Something…unfulfilled? At her twilight years, with how blessed her life had been? Impossible, surely.

It just kept growing, though.

Maybe she first noticed it in the feverish pitch of battle.

More than anyone else in the Go-Home Club, Sasara put herself at the front lines at all times. Her allies were behind her - and in some way, she was alone, a bulwark between bright young faces she could not see, and faceless enemies in front of her. But it wasn’t as though she were just standing there taking punishment.

Sasara’s naginata wasn’t at all a weapon she had ever held in reality. It was just her idea of the kind of weapon a matriarch of the family ‘should’ possess. Her children and grandchildren would show her pictures of wives from the feudal era elegantly sitting with a polearm in their laps, and excitedly praise her with, “She reminds me of you!” - and Sasara found it warm and darling to hear.

But now, with so many young ones relying on her…

But now, with unfortunate souls who lost their senses opposing her…

But now, fighting for their lives against a swarm of hostility in the back alleys of Okitama City…

With each swing, her fingertips refined their grip on the naginata. Its blade carved through Digiheads, purifying them of just that little bit more of their longings and regrets. And the more Sasara pushed herself into the front lines - the more her resolve grew to not simply hold the line, but to advance forward…

“Aaaaah, I can’t help but be a little excited after that-!” Sasara exclaimed once, after a relentless flurry of her blade sent three Digiheads sailing backwards - their curious, distorted armor melting away from them. With a festive little twirl, Sasara planted the base of her naginata against the floor like a triumphant flag in the last moments before her Catharsis Effect faded away.

Turning to her allies, a few beads of sweat upon her brow, Sasara could not help but laugh pridefully - a giggle she so elegantly hid behind her hand. What fun she was having!

…The strange, short-lived silence from her companions afterward made Sasara blink more than a few times.

“...Damn. I never thought Sasara would go for broke so much more than even I do.” Kobato Kazamatsuri scuffed his heel against the ground, before his hands folded behind his head - and that oh so bright grin crossed his face. “Y’know, I was kinda in a bad mood just now, so maybe I wasn’t as into it as I oughta have been. But seeing Sasara fighting like she has nothing to lose? It’s something! I’m hyped right back up! Hell yeah!!!”

Amidst Kobato’s roughneck laughter, the club president nodded curtly. She was always a little short on words - and maybe she was ruminating on what Sasara had just confessed. Her advanced age next to everyone else - the reason she was resolved to put her life on the line before letting harm come to anyone else.

…Of course, the president’s typical listening-more-than-speaking were more than counterbalanced by-

“Honestly, color me shocked!” Tactlessly, from the president’s abdomen, the virtuadoll χ shoved her upper body forward, resting her chin upon folded hands - as though emerging from a human’s belly was the most natural place in the world. “Well. Maybe not so much? I’m learning a lot that humans can change in a pretty short time! Given everything we’ve been through, and given how sagely Sasara always is - maybe she always had this valiant warrior stuff in her!”

Hearing that much praise for her willingness to leap into the fray left Sasara’s fingers pressed to her lips. After all, Kobato and the president were, to her point of view, not only the club’s most lethal fighters…but also two of the lives she felt truly needed sheltering from the storms most.

“Well, you definitely don’t need to worry about that with Niko!” exclaimed, of course, Niko Komamura, her hand twirling a now-imaginary hula hoop above her head. “After all, Niko’s got it all figured out - just keep groovin’ the night away, and everyone else will do the butt-kicking!” 

Hands on her hips, Niko closed her eyes and gave a big, enthusiastic nod. “Musta been that Sasara got overwhelmed by how awesome Niko-power is, and even she lost her wits a little!” Then, after a deep breath - a big merry peace-sign over one eye, followed by Niko sticking her tongue out. “...If it’s making Sasara reckless enough to worry Kobato, I’ll take it easy, kay??”

A mischievous little smile crossed χ’s lips, eyelids lowered at Kobato’s direction. “Maybe if you decide to change your ways, you oughta make good on all that talk of being a ‘gentleman’, and not let a lady risk her neck for your sake, huh~?”

Kobato scowled like a defensive hound. “Shut it, trash can! The best defense is a good offense, as they say, so if I smash their heads in as soon as they start causing shit, that’s basically being Sasara’s knight in shining armor! You’re with me, right?”

…Amidst the noisy back and forth between the others, Sasara was a little lost in thought - her fingers curling in remembrance of that polearm in her hands. Why did her fervor feel so…nostalgic…? …Why did trying to unravel that reckless enthusiasm bring the blood to rush to her cheeks?

“...Uh, Sasara? You alright over there? Earth to Sasara!” Niko proclaimed, waving her hands like she was directing an airplane.

“Ah! Yes, of course!~ I’m always with you,” Sasara smiled, clasping her hands behind her back, and lacing her fingers together - worrying her thumbs together safely out of sight.

…yes, just keep it out of sight.

Everyone here in Redo was here owing to some deep regret, some deep unfulfillment…except for Sasara, who ascribed her presence as a strange little accident. When she confessed that to the president and χ, it felt like one weight left her shoulders.

But at the same time…it made her realize just that much more how strange an exception she was. Behind Kobato’s bravado, behind Niko’s cheer, behind the president’s resolve - something troubled them, something they needed to overcome. Sasara’s role was to comfort and guide them, clearly, as someone who’d long since walked the long roads of overcoming regret.

…So she couldn’t let anything uneasy show. Not here and now. 

“Oy, Sasara. …You know, I said all that, but honestly, maybe I oughta…” Clicking his tongue, Kobato scratched the back of his head, his normally zealous voice lowered a little more humbly. “I mean, I had a rocky start with you all, but even I’m startin’ to realize, maybe I oughta really find out how I can keep everyone safe.”

“Wait, don’t tell me Kobato might actually -meant- that corny white knight stuff!?” Niko gasped in shock, and slid towards Kobato’s side with the widest, cheekiest grin, half-hiding a laugh. “If you mean that, Niko will start relying on you to cover her six! Thank you for your service!~”

“...Hoooh!? Niko’s finally coming around to old Kobato?! Hehe. Well, if a cute girl like you can’t help but count on me, then I’ll turn my hammer of justice into a shield of chivalry!” Kobato’s arm inched further and further behind Niko’s shoulders, like an eel peering from its hidey-hole. “In exchange, maybe you wanna turn your free afternoon into a little get-together at-”

“Well!!!” Niko interrupted as though Kobato hadn’t been speaking at all, stepping forward just in time to escape any physical contact with him. “If we’re in the clear, then Niko’s gotta jet! You know how it is with that Niko life, it’s always one thing after the other! If you need me, you know who to call! Seeya later! Nyoooom!”

Kobato could just about cough from the dust kicked up in Niko’s wake as she sprinted back towards the train station, arms splayed out to her side like an eagle. “...shit. Musta overdone it…haaagh.” All the enthusiasm in Kobato’s voice drained from the bottom, as he parked himself next to a garage door, leaning up against the wall and staring skyward.

“Hey, uh, prez, we probably shouldn’t let anyone run off alone, given how badly we were ambushed here,” χ said, turning over to look the president in the eyes - before sliding back inside her core and out of sight. “Same goes for you two, Kobato, Sasara. Stay safe going back home, kay?”

“She’s right,” the president said. “No traveling alone these days, okay?” She started to walk off after Niko, before her head craned over her should, playfully warning, “Don’t try anything on the rebound,” at Kobato.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. See you later, ~honey~.” …Even Kobato’s normally jovial tones calling the president that seemed sour - rejection crashing his morale.

“Ah-! …Thank you for all your hard work, Madam President. I’ll be perfectly fine, especially with a strong young man like Kobato at my side. Please rest up, given we’re all counting on you!” Sasara, on the other hand, had all the brightness and honey right back in her voice - and her arm was raised high and enthusiastically waving the president and χ off.

“...Phew.” Sasara sighed in relief, a hand at her heart to finally catch a breath.

“Figured it took a lot outta ya, Sasara. For real, don’t overdo it out there.” Kobato said, still gazing up at the artificial sky, grimacing at the imperfectly perfect clouds. “I meant what I said, y’know. If there’s something you gotta let out fighting that hard, I’ll cover you. I mean, I’ve been fightin’ that way since day one, and probably causing headaches. It’s called a Catharsis Effect for a reason, and I’ve sorta had my fill of letting out stress. So it’s okay if you need a break from everyone relying on ya.”

…Hearing something that honest and worldly from Kobato - hearing that promise to protect her with all his strength…

It made Sasara’s still-racing heart leap all that much more. Lips worrying together, breathing struggling to stabilize…

…Of course. It’s something she heard before. A long, long time ago.

((Sasara…if you would be mine, I’d turn over the world for your sake. A lovelier woman has never been known to this world. So please…))

Her eyes widened, remembering the most joyous moment of her life - the moment her husband proposed on that boat backed by such a brilliant sunset. The moment they promised to be together in sickness and in health. The moment their lives became entwined - and together, they raised the kind of warm, loving family Sasara had always dreamed of.

…Her throat tightened, remembering the day he died.

It was something Sasara had prepared for. After all, the man was ninety-five years old when he passed - a prosperous life long past what most expected, conquering countless health scares in his elder years.

…but all the sudden, Sasara got to thinking about something long abandoned. After she’d given birth to their last child, after she and her husband decided this would be their last…it was also the last time they’d ever made love. A period of recuperation turned into a period of nights spent simply reading or falling asleep.

Part of Sasara had wanted to ignite that flame, but privacy was a struggle with a full household, and they’d never had the opportunity to go out on some vacation for themselves. By the time their eldest child moved out of the house, their youngest was periodically bringing their own children - barely a hiccup between Sasara’s status as mother and as grandmother.

By the time the two had gotten the chance to settle down and take more time to themselves, it’d been so many years since they were last together…and he had never seemed interested himself. Time took its toll on both of their bodies - and that would only get worse as even more decades passed.

“...is that what I’m missing…of all things…?” Sasara whispered to herself, biting her lower lip.

…But now she’s here in Redo. Now, even if she still gets weary and short of breath, Sasara’s full of far more physical pep than she once had - and it’s taken her this long to realize that she needn’t be as careful as she thought she should.

One leg stepped forward, her gait tightened, thighs crossed closely together.

Right in front of her, a strapping young man whose zest for life was matched by his earnest wish to protect her. Suddenly, the realizations come pouring in - she knew Kobato was a restless flirt with the likes of Niko and Kiriko, but Sasara still saw herself as an old woman. …It’d been decades since anyone made a pass at her. Decades since she’d even so much as been kissed.

But he’d invited her out from time to time, hadn’t he? Sasara had presumed Kobato just wanted advice, solace, and wisdom, but only now did she start to understand. That face Sasara saw whenever she fiddled with her phone wasn’t ‘just’ a reflection of her youth. It was the face others saw her as. …It’s the only face the others saw her as.

This young man in front of him only knew of Sasara Amiki, his classmate that, if his talk of wanting to celebrate the prime of his life held any merit…

A loooooooong, deep breath in heralded Sasara pushily beginning, “Kobato. …Can I ask something of you?”

Her heart raced even further, as Kobato’s slightly apathetic expression fell back down towards her own eyes. …He was normally so fiery, but wasn’t that exhausted ‘truth’ of his a little enticing?!

“Huh? I mean, yeah. Something you needed to do on our way back? I’m ready when you are, just needed a lil time to…mmn.” Something wistful crossed Kobato’s expression - he averted his gaze from Sasara for just a moment.

It was enough to make steam spill from Sasara’s ears, and a squeal from the back of her throat completed her transformation into a teapot. After all, she just now realized…

This is the first time she’s ever planned to ask anyone out!

Her husband was the only man who’d ever taken her for a date! For such a long time, Sasara figured that was just the natural order of things - for men to offer their evenings to women was just the way it was done!

And yet here she is…

“Kobato…I’d…really like to…uhm…you see…” Fingers laced and relaced behind Sasara’s back, still in disbelief that she’s about to fill the longing from her husband in such a way.

“You see…!!” …Was this betrayal of her marriage, even now that he’s gone?! This whole time, Sasara’s thought of Redo as a distraction from reality, but isn’t it a world unto its own? Isn’t everyone here somewhat different, veiled from the truth?

…Does it count if it’s in Redo? The question alone would set Sasara’s heart aflame.

“Kobato, before we go back, could we maybe sit down at a cafe? Just the two of us?!” Sasara blurted it out a little too forcefully, trying to just get the question out of her turbulent heart.

She must've sounded angry or distressed, right? She must’ve given off the wrong impression-

“...eh!? Wait, like on a date!?” Kobato exclaimed, standing up straighter, eyes wide behind his glasses. “-Of course. Of course all I had to do was promise to protect a fair maiden enough times, and it’d all come up Kobato! Hah. Hahahahah!” Staggering off to one side, Kobato tousled his bangs, flashing Sasara a grin that he tried to make charmingly sensual, and which Sasara viewed as dangerously hungry - in a way that only heightened the flames coursing through her.

“Y-yes, something like a date-!” Sasara stammered, before squealing internally about saying it like that. Not ‘something like’ a date - she actually did want to go on a date! Maybe Kobato would misread-

“Honestly, I thought for the longest time that you were just so outta my league! I gave it an honest effort the first few times we met, but you’re just so, like, pure-hearted that I kinda felt…no, never mind that! Let’s not waste any time! Did you wanna go shopping? Or see a movie? Or just skip straight to finding somewhere outta sight and…wait, shit, you said a cafe! …don’t blow this now, Kobato…!”

He couldn’t help but grumble to himself self-consciously - and yet again it reminded Sasara of the little ways her husband frantically tried to charm her when they were younger and a little more in love. A silly little smile couldn’t help but cross her face as Kobato marched forward, so clearly trying to just clasp Sasara’s arm and drag her off-

He stopped, just before reaching, frozen in place. After all, the way Sasara was smiling so eagerly…

It didn’t look like a woman with a crush. It looked like a holy saint bestowing her blessings onto the world. You can’t just take a saint’s arm like that…

…But, seeing Kobato’s hand just inches from her own, Sasara leapt into action, and presented her own hand forward. He couldn’t believe it for the life of him - a sputter of doubt and surprise spilled from his lips, followed by a completely ‘uncool’ giggle. 

“O~kay! Let’s go! On a date, with Sa~saraaa!” Kobato’s grip was firm and powerful on Sasara’s wrist as he led her back to the center of town, head darting this way and that like a ferret. “...Which one which one which oooooone-!” He’d go to just about any cafe around, really, but for someone he thought he’d never get with, like Sasara Amiki of all people?

-don’t overthink it, don’t overthink it. The clock was ticking, and Cafe 193 was what was in sight.

…For half a second, Kobato started to skip with glee, before realizing it was Sasara Amiki, of all people, following behind him. He had to play it cool, and his gait slowed to something a little more…like his idea of what was cool. Casual, a little sulky and shuffling.

For her part, Sasara thought it was adorable - relieving, really - for Kobato to be so excited to go on a date with her. All of this was adorable. Her heart was flying. That tingling, boiling urge rippled up her spine.

Maybe she really could allow this…!

“We’re here!” Kobato proclaimed as he led Sasara to a table for two inside Cafe 193, with all the pride of having conquered a mountain.

Sasara sat with her hands folded in her lap - all cylinders ablaze hiding the urge to fidget in place.

Kobato sat hunched over the table, hands beneath his chin, grinning from ear to ear at his towering achievement.

“Heh. I never really got the chance to compliment how damn gorgeous you are, did I?”

“M-my my-!” Sasara gasped, a hand flying up to her face to demurely cover a little laugh. “You know, your reputation precedes you, but I always had thought myself exempt from your advances…!”

One of Kobato’s hands clapped loudly onto the table. “I can’t believe this-!”

And Sasara momentarily feared she’d sunk this entire ship, perhaps insulting him…

“You mean to tell me the Sasara Amiki, the pride and envy of every girl in class, doesn’t think she’s the catch of the century? There ain’t no way. What insane standards are they expecting outta girls these days!?” Kobato’s voice raised high enough to turn several heads in the cafe - 

And he, in turn, feared he overshot it, making a moron of himself at such a crucial moment.

“N-now now, Kobato - you’re worrying a little too much. It’s not that I’m being hard on myself or anything of the sort, I promise!” Sasara waved her hand up and down to try and calm Kobato’s nerves, clearing her throat once. “It’s just, with everything that’s been going on here in Redo, I’ve had far more on my mind than romantic pursuits, you know. Dealing with the differences between this space and reality…worrying so much about everyone’s health and safety…thinking about how we could possibly best the Musicians and Regret…through all of that…”

The waitress stopped by their table, dropping off drinks for the pair - a trendy, bright-colored, fruity tropical drink for Kobato, and…water, for Sasara.

“I getcha, I getcha. Yeah, it’s true. You’ve been with the Go-Home Club from the very beginning, haven’t ya?” Kobato sighed, leaning back and sipping the mango layer of his drink through his straw. “So you’ve had everything on your plate for a long time, and meanwhile I made an idiot of myself, dragging everyone through so much shit before just shutting up and putting up. I knew that, I knew that. Guess it’s why I thought it was a bit of a lost cause trying to take you out somewhere.”

“So you’re the one who’s hard on himself between us, aren’t you, Kobato?~” Sasara teased, cupping her glass with both hands a little more carefully than she needed. “I don’t think you were being unreasonable, really. If anything, Gin and Kiriko and Shota are unusually diligent and strong people, I think. You shouldn’t compare yourself to them about how you had a harder time coming to terms with all this!”

…It was enough to make Kobato pause in place, stopping his sipping for fear that his choked up throat might make him cough. “...ya really mean that? …kh. Comparing myself to Gin’s one thing, but damn, it’s almost hard to reckon with how…forgiving you always are, with everyone.”

“And do you think I wouldn’t forgive you, too?” Sasara said, gently. “I meant everything I’ve said about welcoming you aboard, Kobato! And you haven’t let us down since then. Really, it’s a sight to behold, seeing you sending everyone scattering with that much raw strength…”

Her legs crossed tighter beneath the table.

“You’re something else, Sasara! A real man shouldn’t abandon his true feelings after all!” Biting the end of his straw, Kobato unfurled a tri-fold lunch menu in front of his face, flourishing it with a single hand. An attempt to look cool he immediately regretted when he thought about how lame it might make him look…

One that made Sasara let out one little breathy laugh. “...I think nobody should abandon their feelings in any sense. And mine have been…a little bit complicated ever since I remembered the truth. It makes me envy you a little bit, Kobato, truth be told.”

“Huh!? You? Envying me?” Arms raised, Kobato shook his head dismissively, refusing to even entertain the idea for a moment. “Nah, nah nah. Don’t even start to do that. …I told everyone the truth. That I’ve got a dead-end life in reality after all that Mobius crap, that I’m trying to get something outta Redo just to make up for it.” His hand snapped his menu closed, all of his theatrics with the laminated trifold awkwardly batting a passing customer on the shoulder.

“Well…I mean, I’m enjoying the time I’m spending with everyone, but I just haven’t been able to be honest with them. I mean…you were really brave, Kobato…telling everyone what was weighing on your mind, getting past whatever they’d think of you. And you’ve been in this false world twice now…you know better than anyone that it’s a lot to be vulnerable about.”

Kobato pointed the folded up menu over the table, a few inches from Sasara’s nose. “It’s just what I had to do in the moment. I don’t want people to start goin’, ‘well if Kobato laid his problems on the table, it’s only fair if I do too’. Nah. I got it off my chest for my own reasons, cause I had to explain the crap I was pulling until then. If I didn’t, everyone would probably be worrying that I was gonna sneak off behind their back, when I couldn’t care less about that, and I really don’t care to pry into everyone's personal business.”

“Kobato…” Sasara’s eyes glistened a little, as her smile softened - she remembered when her eldest son let off the tension he was going through in this same way…

–she’s getting everything mixed up! Tousling her head this way and that to get this association out of her by force, Sasara’s hands clapped together, then clapped to her own face once. “...No. I should tell you what’s on my mind, Kobato, and why I wanted to come here with you. It’s…something I’m a little embarrassed about. Something I worry will make you think differently of me.”

Shoulder perched on the back of his chair, Kobato’s head tipped an inch, one eyebrow raised, trying to see ‘through’ Sasara’s uncertainties. “...Well, I said I couldn’t care less, but that mighta been kinda lame to say. There ain’t no way you’re hiding something all that bad, though. Nobody who’s put their neck on the line for us, constantly cared for us, just always been there for everyone, can be all that bad. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’d tell me that’d change my opinion of you, when everyone else in the Go-Home Club thinks the world of you.”

The corner of Kobato’s lips quirked upwards, flashing a little grin Sasara’s way. “So don’t worry, Miss Sasara~ Your secret’s totally safe with me. My lips are sealed, whether on my own or against yours.~”

…That could’ve made Sasara faint just there and then. The tension was too much.

She had to say it.

She had to confess these shameless urges - the ones making her just that little bit steamy under her skirt.

If she didn’t get it out there and then, Sasara Amiki would truly embarrass herself.

Her hands folded together, as though in prayer. As though hoping some god out there - preferably a non-Regret god - would give her the strength to confess urges she never even spoke plainly to her spouse.

“...Alright. Alright…!” Taking a big gulp of her ice water, Sasara set her glass down a little too forcefully, exhaling long and loudly.

“...Kobato…the truth is…in reality, I’m older than I appear. …It’s rather frivolous of me, to be doing this kind of thing, pretending I’m in the prime of my youth when I’ve long since moved forward in life…”

Kobato had taken a drink of water in the meantime - when Sasara started to speak, he paused with the glass at his lips, staring at her over the rim.

“Whew…see, that’s why…I can’t help but want to see all of you youngsters prospering and moving forward…the right thing for me to do is just to continue being stalwart and selfless, to work my hardest for your sake - you who have more of a future…! …I’ve done it for my children countless times, even when times were hard for me. …But ever since my husband-”

That word.

That single word made Kobato choke on his drink, coughing and keeling forward, hand at his heart, glasses sliding forward nearly off his nose.

“K-Kobato!? Are you okay?!” Sasara was just about to stand from her chair, but Kobato pushed his hand forward insistently, shaking his head as fast as a wet dog.

“N-nonono, kghghfhdhfh…I’m fine, I’m fine…well, I’m not fine, I-” With one last forceful clear of his throat, Kobato finally caught his breath, straightening up-

“I’VE CROSSED ONE HELL OF A LINE!!!”

Kobato howled out, turning everyone’s head in the cafe in his direction.

“God damn it, what the hell am I doing?! Coming onto a married woman like that, totally misreading everything, when you were wanting to let something off your shoulders, damn it. Damn it all!!!” Kobato’s hand covered his face, fingers splayed across his forehead.

“...Wait, Kobato, it’s not-”

“I mean, what was I thinking? Yeah. Of course. You’ve always been the one most sure about going back to reality, cause you’ve got a husband and kids waiting for you. …No way could I forgive myself if I screwed around with someone’s happiness like that. I shoulda known…”

“An idol of a woman like Sasara Amiki’s gotta have it all sorted out, gotta have people who love her! No wonder, you needed to go back and see them!”

A pained grimace crossed Kobato’s expression, before he sucked in a long breath, filling up his chest - and stood up from his chair with a loud squeal across the tile.

“Damn it, Sasara, I’ve been screwing around this bad when you’ve got something like that waiting for you? I’m jealous. I’m so damn jealous. All this jealousy ain’t going anywhere good, and I let it blow up crazy bad in peoples’ faces before. But now? Now that someone like you is relying on someone like me to see the real daylight again?”

His hands trembling, torn between his unfulfilled yearnings and this aspiration to do something right for once, Kobato lowered one arm to his pocket. “I won’t pull this kinda crap on you again. Not when we’re all relying on you - not when you’re relying on all of us. …Haaah, that was close…!”

“...Uhm, Kobato, that’s really-”

“...that said, I…need a breather crashing that hard down to earth. Sorry, Sasara - I know they said we shouldn’t go home alone, but I really need to sort this out myself. Ugh. If only I’d known, I wouldn’t have tried to ruin things with you this bad. …I’ll pay, don’t worry. That’s the least I can do - I gotta preserve my honor as a man after that close call with ruining a woman’s marriage.”

Shaking all over, Kobato threw down more than enough money to pay for both drinks, and beat feet out of the cafe as though ashamed to be seen having crossed this imagined line of his, leaving a slightly relieved clientele in his wake.

It all happened faster than Sasara could even actually process. One second, she was just about to tell Kobato that even at her age, she wanted to be with him for a while, and the next, he was…just, gone.

A dizzy, unpleasant-sounding noise spilled from Sasara’s lips, as her body slid sideways against the fabric of the booth seating, head tipping towards the window.

Everything was throbbing rampantly through her body - and now, it was in intense agony, having it all ripped away.

A fresh new feeling of intense unfulfilled desires was enough to threaten to make Sasara nauseous, and she clutched the edge of the windowsill tightly to keep from making that sort of mess.

“...I really must be…too old for these kinds of feelings now…haaah, that just makes returning to reality all the more urgent…”

Chapter Text

The world buzzed with the incessant drone of fluorescent lighting.

After all, in one sense, it was like Niko Komamura had died all over again.

For such a short time, she was allowed to imagine it never happened at all.

That shining, radiant wish came true:

(if only iori had died instead)

But now, it was all ruined. She let the mask that she clutched to her face slip, and the oxygen all bubbled out of control.

Sinking beneath that roiling water, Iori Komamura watched the last gasp spiral upwards from the moment she told the president her story.

…Ever since she confessed that she was a fake…

“Ah, Niko’s just been getting really poor sleep lately!” Iori reassured the rest of the Go-Home Club during their meetings aboard the χ Express, at her repeated spacing out and listless stares out the window.

…no, not out the window.

She was staring only at the reflection of Niko Komamura, and tearing apart on the inside watching her sister’s smile falter, for reasons that were all her fault.

“...Miss Komamura, you do remember the last time we had members of the club fall ill and tired, do you?” Shota inquired carefully at the edge of the table - indeed, that was Iori’s first outing with the Go-Home Club, right when Doktor’s malicious infection threatened to gouge three of the most important members right out of it.. “...I can understand the difficulty in deciding what to do, but if-”

“Don’t worry, Slow-ta! You definitely can’t understand.” Iori cheered, reaching her limit in covering the trembling in her voice, the acid in her soul seeping into every word. Her eyes were so good at keeping up the bright and sunny demeanor that not a hint of the venom towards Shota could’ve showed.

Surely.

…Surely seeing him back off was just feeling oversensitive

“Mmmm, I don’t think anything like Doktor’s bug is happening again, so you don’t need to worry,” χ mused, glancing knowingly at Iori. “Let’s just have Niko take it easy instead of making her come along with us on this next operation. The train will be more than safe on my watch, now that I’m probably nearly as powerful as Regret!”

…right. That damned music program knew too. Iori could trust the president to keep quiet, but χ? Could she trust χ with anything? Wasn’t the virtuadoll who bound her life to an innocent person - who was amassing power from the Obbligato Musicians at an alarmingly exponential rate, the most suspicious one in the train?

-of course not. The one most worthy of suspicion was Iori Komamura, who just killed her sister for the second time. If she didn’t play her cards right, they would all understand that among them walked a monster wearing an innocent girl’s skin. The president wouldn’t say only because they were laser-focused on the goal - as long as Iori caused no discord, then it was like Niko was still here. And they were all so close to the end.

All she had to do was keep it together.

…It might be too much to ask. Even now, Iori was sure the others started to look at her differently.

Iori didn’t want to look back at them as they all departed the train in pursuit of a potential lead on the Musicians’ headquarters. The less she thought about their suspicions, the ones they surely knew just being around her - the easier it’d be.

“Ignorance is bliss!” Iori exclaimed as the club left on their voyage, before burying her face in a pillow in the χ Express’s rear car, muffling a long shriek.

She did something unforgivable again. She said something Niko would never say, in Niko’s voice.

“...why the hell doesn’t this train have a bathroom…I’m gonna be sick…” Iori whispered, comforting herself in the suffocation she endured - shoving her head deeper into the pillows.

Right about now, more than anything, she wished it’d just wipe her out, and then maybe - maybe! - that fake personality called “Niko” that Regret gave her to play with would just take over Iori’s body and get it over with.

…no. It was wrong for Iori to even consider this her body anymore. It was undoubtedly Niko’s, even if the story she told would have everyone believe it was as simple as a name and a performance separating the two.

It was unsettling enough. It might escalate to totally disgusting if Iori had brought up that one last way her and Niko differed from birth.

But it was so obvious, and everyone must’ve seen through it by now. From the moment she dared to say the name of someone who shouldn’t exist at all, it was all over!

This was Niko that Iori was heinously animating the corpse of, and all she wanted was to never think about it again.

…Half an hour passed just pressed into dark, airless meditation - of miming her own drowning as much as she could. Redo was, of course, a cowardly world that wouldn’t let something that obvious come to pass, so no matter how much the pillow stifled Iori’s nose and mouth, she could breathe just enough to not black out.

Even that kind of comfort was denied to her…and this pale imitation was all that remained.

Finally, she took one long, deep breath, rolling over on the bench seat and staring upwards at the swaying handles. Shouldn’t χ have removed these? They were kind of an unsightly pox on a kinda luxurious train setup, weren’t they?

Ideally, you could forget this was ever just an ordinary subway train. If χ had the opportunity to bend this to her will, why not erase every sign that it was ever anything but hers? Why not spend every ounce of effort remodeling it to your exact standards?

“...I’m really gonna be sick, huh…” Iori rolled off the side of the bench and landed with a painful thud on the train floor. This, of course, instantly gave her a jolt of morale right back. That lingering pain she deserved motivated her to struggle back up to her feet.

“Right, well, I’m on my own, at least. Don’t gotta pretend for my fake family, don’t gotta pretend for my fake friends. …where’d I stash that manga again…”

Shuffling her way to the cabinet at the far end of the train, Iori lifted up book after book before reaching what was truly, thoroughly hers, kept in secret behind an avalanche of junk that the others already crammed into the space. The latest issues of War of Giant, Voyage to the Azores, Black Lily, and all the rest.

Figuring out how to even buy these as Niko was a challenge in its own right - “Niko” was supposed to be buying cute manga for girls, lovey dovey crap about high schoolers and their relationship problems and being just generally adorable and healing each others’ hearts.

Iori would read that kind of girls’ manga all day long in the χ Express and feel sick with envy at every page, all with an endearing, enthusiastic smile that pretended not to feel anything.

To hell with all of that. It was a far greater comfort to see hideous men getting ripped apart and sobbing over their misfortunes. An ugly smile crossed Iori’s face as she started to flip open the pages, laying there in a mess of junk on the floor. At least this was worth the struggle to obtain in this world.

“...well, they might be back any minute, so I can’t just leave this crap around…” With a sigh, Iori tidied up the records of her rummaging, carrying only what books she would read. Two of them tucked under her arm, the other with pages open as she walked, Iori finally made her way back to the car that she made into her own - the two bench seats she filled with those sea cucumber-like plushies.

-Those were something Iori liked, and were plausibly deniable as something Niko might like. After all, Niko had once called them ugly and weird, preferring cute pink bunnies. But odd sea creatures were kind of in vogue, right? This was one little indulgence Iori could have.

With a long sigh, not looking up from her manga, Iori flumped into the seat, hunched over the table and flipping through the pages - letting out the occasional low, dark giggle, and a triumphant “yesssssss” at a particularly bloody spread of tragically cutting off an infected loved one’s head…

“...Ah, Niko, I’m glad you’re feeling better!” chimed in a honey-sweet voice that flooded Iori’s heart with fear.

She bolted upright in her seat, banged her knee against the table, and choked on her body’s mutually exclusive impulses to shriek out in surprise and suck in a breath of pain. Clutching her knee and hopping in place, Iori whipped her head around in search of the source of that voice-

And saw Sasara Amiki sitting peacefully at the back of the train, smiling placidly, then lifting her head in concern at Iori’s bizarre antics.

“...Are you alright, Niko? I’m very sorry if I scared you.”

“I, I, I, what are you DOING here!?!?” Iori panicked, scrambling to snap herself back into Niko-mode. “...Y…you seeeeee Niko’s just- uh, Niko’s doing just fine! Niko would never get kinda embarrassingly hurt over some stupid reason, no this is just practicing, uh, the jump rope, yeah!!! That’s my faaaaaaavorite!”

If it were anyone else in the world, Iori claiming this with furrowed brows and a pained grimace on her lips while clutching her knee…well it wouldn’t exactly work out very well.

But it was Sasara Amiki, who Iori knew was pretty spacey and a little dim-witted, so all Sasara did was clasp her hands together with a smile. “Well, you’re clearly very energetic! Truthfully, I was rather worried about you earlier, but if you’re in high spirits, then I’m very relieved!”

The throbbing pain turned from surprise into passive soreness, and Iori finally descended down from her chair-top perch, lest she topple over and really mess something up. Bending forward to blow on her reddened, scuffed up knee, Iori asked, “Ssssoooooo whatcha doing here, Sasara? Niko thought she was toooootally on her own for once. Having the Go-Home Club’s reliable big sister just hanging around like this is a huuuuge shocker!”

That sickeningly sweet beaming smile crossed Sasara’s lips, eyes closed as her hands pressed together against her cheek. It took Iori everything she had not to gag at the real deal of a holy girl like Sasara.

“It’s exactly because you’d be on your own that I stayed behind to keep you company!”

(isn’t that just fantastic?!)

“After all, in the rare event something befell this train, wouldn’t it be a disaster if you were on your own?”

(then let it be a disaster, who gives a damn?!)

“And besides, I’ve been feeling a little under the weather myself the past few days, and pushing myself a little too hard in the process, so I figured it best to take it easy, just like yourself.”

…Iori wanted to think up some seething resentment for Sasara about that, but all she could really do was sigh - and then put on the Niko performance of crossing her arms, nodding like some comically worldly professor. “Well, well well! If even our strong and reliable Sasara is having a bad spell, then Doctor Komamura, PHD, diagnoses you with a case of needing a big old nap! ‘Sides, Slow-ta and Ryuto are there to keep everyone from charging in like big dummies, so you just snooze away as much as you need!”

Sasara’s approving little laugh calcified Iori right back to what she’s accustomed to. Yes. Reward Niko for her funny little gags and silly suggestions and just go back to sleep already.

“I actually just woke up from such a rest, really, but thank you for being so considerate!”

(well shit.)

“Aaaaaah, goooootcha gotcha!” Iori spun up the Niko-wheels as best as she could, but the conversation was both suddenly wildly awkward and also lacked anywhere for her to escape to. “Weeeeeeell if you need Niko, I’m just gonna be right over here, where I normally am!” …Especially given she needed to figure out how to smuggle the fact that she’s reading this kind of weird boyish manga from Sasara…

“...Actually, would you mind if we talked for a bit?”

(yeah i’d very much mind!)

“You seem like a girl who won’t be too judgmental if I say something strange, after all.”

(i’m judging you like crazy right now!)

Iori boiled with wanting to be literally anywhere except here, but Niko would never feel something like that. No, Niko’s always lending a helpful ear to everyone’s problems, ensuring Iori has to play some kind of dumbass therapist for way too many people! Thank goodness Niko’s not really smart enough for them to-

Nausea flooded every inch of Iori’s body, dozens of little envies shoving her this way and that. At the end of the day, Niko would sit down and talk to Sasara, so that’s just what Iori did, slumping inelegantly next to Sasara’s perfect-posture poise. “...I guess I’m still a little sick, ahaha…well, don’t worry about it, Sasara. Everyone’s pal Niko is always here to hear everyone out, haha!”

…just get it over with.

“Are you sure you’re okay? If you need to lay down, it’s quite alright.” And Sasara patted her lap eagerly, with that ever-sunny awaiting smile that no human alive could possibly resist.

…Iori had heard of this, in rumors and myths. The president was mumbling about this in her sleep once at the end of a long day. She knew, somewhere deep inside, if she accepted this lap pillow, that this would be the ontological end of Iori Komamura as she knew it.

Actually, that sounded pretty good right about now! And so, Iori toppled backwards to rest her weary head on Sasara’s lap, skirt fluffing upwards to meet and envelop her head, then immediately mumbled, “Aaaaaaaaaaah okay I’m full of SP now…”

That angelic smile again, as Sasara gently rested her hand upon Iori’s hair, raking her nails across her junior’s scalp. “What in the world do you mean by ‘espie’...? Well, I suppose that’s just one of many things you all say that remind me how much things have passed me by…”

Iori was already turning into sludge at being on the receiving end of legendarily ruinous Sasara-doting. Tingling across her head with each gentle scratch, spine humming from base to tip at every innocent, ignorant word Sasara spoke…

Gods, she was so stupid in such an annoyingly charming way.

“Ughhhhhhh how are you reeeeeeaaaaaaaalllllll…” Iori groaned out roughly, barely able to discern herself if Iori or Niko would even say that. “How does the world even make someone like youuuuuuu…”

Sure, let’s let Sasara take that as a compliment to her kindness and grace, and not as an insult to her ditzy confusion around virtually every facet of ordinary life. Surely, Iori concludes, Sasara is a testament that being careless and lovable is a survival strategy leagues above being repugnant and hard-working. Fantastic validation!

“Oh, you’re always so silly. I’m really a very ordinary person, you understand. …I missed doing this…” Sasara’s scalp-raking turned into a gentle brushing and petting across Iori’s hair, weaving fingers just above Iori’s neck-

All the sudden, Iori’s eyes erupted with a mysterious liquid falling down her cheek and dampening the train seat! What an enigma!

“S-so what’s on your mind, Niko’s all ears, she’s always a great listener…!” Iori stammered behind her quivering voice, a flood of some strange longing paralyzing her more venomous thoughts. She didn’t even totally process what “Niko” said - at the moment, Iori was fully underwater, and Niko was just a puppet used automatically by muscle memory.

“You really do remind me of my granddaughter, she’s such an enthusiastic darling~” Sasara proclaimed triumphantly. “Whenever she had trouble at school, I always did enjoy being there to listen to her struggles…I really do want to see her again. I certainly hope being in Redo hasn’t taken too much time from me…”

If Iori hadn’t been completely melting from the foreign experience of having a caring, maternal figure play with her hair like this, she may have perhaps processed the word ‘granddaughter’. Alas - all Iori’s brain could actually do was a) burble and ooze out of the train doors and b) Be Niko At The Problem. “Mhm, mhm, mhm, Niko’s gonna do her best to get everyone back home, so you’ll be back to see her soooooooon.”

“Ah! …Silly me…well…I seem to be confessing a lot lately, but you don’t seem surprised at all, so I think I probably couldn’t slip it past your youthful eagle eyes…” Sasara sighed, idly brushing against Iori’s ears, trailing all four fingers across her earlobe over and over.

“Nope…nothing…slips past Niko alright…glad we could have this talk.” Iori’s eyes crossed, the saintly vision of Sasara illuminated by an overhead light convincing her that this must surely be the gate to heaven. “Aaaaaah…sis…we’ll be together again…hah…no way we’re both going to the same place…go ahead and kick me outta here, kay…”

“I’m not sure what you mean by that, dear~ But that’s quite alright. …If it’s okay with you though, I…mm. It’s been a while since I’ve had any sort of ‘girls talk’, and in truth, Marie and Kiriko can both be a little hard to approach about these things…” Sasara’s eyes closed, that gentle smile falling as she remembered those boiling desires crashing to a frozen halt. It left her ever so slightly blue in the face just thinking about it.

“Girls talk…with Niko…! Yep! Yep, any time, Niko knows aaaaaall about…what girls talk about, that’s a fact!” Translation: Iori had absolutely no idea what in the world girls talked about. She knew at heart she was more like some sort of 2-kun poster who’d never get a job in his life and just fumed about what a virgin he was until he-

Sasara’s legs gently rubbed together beneath Iori’s head, the faint noises of cushy padding and rustling fabric drowning out the self-loathing running rampant in her brain.

“...Well, you see, I went on a date recently…” Sasara began in the tones of a story Iori knew she’d just drift off to sleep for.

“Uh huh, uh huh, Niko’s been on pleeeenty of those,” Iori, who had never dated anyone, murmured out dreamily.

“After all, I’ve been feeling a little bit lonely in ways I hadn’t quite realized until now…Funny how you start to realize what you’re missing, the longer you stay here.”

“It’ll be okay, Sasara, you’re neeeever lonely as long as Niko’s around,” Iori, who had always been alone, grumbled out aimlessly.

“It was with Kobato, at the end of a long day-”

“what.”

“It didn’t go all that well, however-”

“Yeah of COURSE it didn’t go that well, Sasara, you-” Iori was instantly broken from her dreamy reverie just from even attempting to imagine Sasara on a date with Kobato, sitting upright from the Eden-like paradise of Sasara’s lap pillow. “Okay Sasara we need to have an emergency talk about your standards like right now because you have to realize that Kobato’s like a huge sleazeball and if you give him an inch he’ll take a mile so what’d he do to you and where do I sock it to him because I will not refrain from kicking him where the sun don’t shine you got it?”

The abject seriousness in Iori’s rambling voice, eyes locked onto Sasara’s with fierce intensity, came as its own sort of shock to Sasara, eyebrows raised high - and her hand of judgment pressed down firmly upon Iori’s head. “Silly thing. Please relax. Nothing untoward happened in the slightest - he’s honestly a very lovely young man. If anything, I was the one who-”

“Ah ah ah ah don’t even start,” Iori raised a finger up in front of Sasara’s lips. “I’ve heard the way that guy hits on women and if he’s convinced you that you did something wrong that’s just part of the game. Don’t fall for it, Sasara, not you. I think we should assign Kiriko to like, permanently bodyguard you from now on.”

…Iori realized, aftershe made this proposal, that she had kept that finger on Sasara’s intoxicatingly cushy lips that whole time. An overwhelmingly intrusive thought of what it might be like to just - curl that single digit inwards…it was enough to make Iori’s fingertip twitch, pressing in a hair’s breadth, before she forced her hand backwards, reeling at the idea that she might have violated a boundary just there.

But instead, Iori could just about see the ellipses forming over Sasara’s head above that airy expression - trying in vain to process what Iori could even be talking about. “...Are we even talking about the same Kobato…? I just asked him to go on a date at the cafe, and it seemingly brightened up his day, and yet all the sudden he started talking like he’d sully my honor or what have you if this went on, until he up and left. It was…rather jarring…”

…Well, were they talking about the same Kobato? A pang hit Iori’s heart imagining that perhaps Kobato wasn’t Kobato all along - that the relentless flirting behavior could be a false self projected in front of someone pathologically averse to getting anywhere close to women. Maybe that was it?! Maybe he was belittled for ordinary flirting and shut himself away (he’s so obviously a NEET, Iori knows it when she sees it) and now he’s overcompensating!?

…Even Iori knew that perhaps projecting this much, onto Kobato of all people, was a problem.

“...Uhhhhhhm, so okay why’d you ask Kobato on a date? You can’t mean to tell me you’ve had a crush on him this whole time, huh? You have your pick of the litter…not that Redo’s exactly a great dating pool given everyone in it is kind of a sadsack.” Iori couldn’t help but wince, letting out such an un-Niko-ly turn of phrase…

The longer Iori held that stare into Sasara’s eyes and spoke in such low, cynical tones, the more Sasara felt thrown off by the change in disposition. “Dear me…It seems like you’re taking this seriously. It was actually an impulsive decision, if I must be frank. …That’s the somewhat embarrassing part…”

“Yeah it’s embarrassing, if it made you ask Kobato out.”

“Mou, you’re rather hard on him, aren’t you? He seemed overly down on himself when he up and left, so you don’t need to add to his worries!” Sasara couldn’t help but pout petulantly Iori’s way, a move that felt like a sword impaling her heart from how sickeningly soft and adorable it made Sasara’s lips again. They became where Iori was staring by default, rather than Sasara’s eyes.

“Alright, alright, just so you stop looking at me like that. …Just…tell me what in the world’s going on and I’ll stop worrying about the Kobato in the room.” Iori sighed, and fell back into the ideal place to hold this conversation - her head toppled against Sasara’s lap, naturally.

Sasara touched her fingers together a little awkwardly, a gesture that, once again, was obnoxiously adorable. She really was like a bashful, spacy love interest straight from one of Niko’s crappy manga. Girls like this actually existed?

“...Well, you see, and I imagine you encounter this dilemma too…Being in Redo for this long has slowly made me realize the differences between the difficulties of reality that I’ve grown so accustomed to, and what’s possible here. …I didn’t realize it for a long time, since I was so used to being old and frail, but I was being far too careful physically, when I’m actually full of more vitality than I realized.”

“Uh huh…shouldn’t that have been obvious when you’re swinging that naginata around?” Iori asked, gradually starting to feel a little more even-keeled. The lap pillow was truly an almighty location of healing and recovery. So absorbing it was that Iori still didn’t quite yet register that Sasara just called herself ‘old and frail’ - but somewhere in the back of her mind she got the feeling that not everything was lining up.

“I wasn’t thinking very much about it, ehehe~” Another air-headed smile from Sasara that made Iori grunt in…en…vy? What was she feeling whenever Sasara did something dumb…? “But then I started getting really into it, and started feeling really…excited…and enthusiastic…! And it made me realize, living so much younger is stirring a lot of impulses I couldn’t act upon…”

…Uh oh, Sasara’s talking about sex, Iori immediately realizes.

…Uh oh, Sasara’s talking about sex that she almost had with Kobato Kazamatsuri if she’d had her way.

Just in case, Iori asked, dread seeping into her voice, “Impulses? Whaddya mean by that?”

“Well…what remains from the joy I found from making love with my husband so long ago, if I must be candid.”

From the back of Iori’s throat, the fervent whistling of a tea kettle at boil screeched out. The sound of a loud scream bottled up as long as she could control.

“Whoa, whoa whoa whooooooa, you’re married but you’re looking to hook up in Redo?” Iori waggled her hand in a circle, more out of anxiety than anything else. “And, I know that I said I wasn’t gonna make it into a whole thing, but I have to remind you that the hookup in question was Kobato!”

Lips pulled taut together, Sasara recrossed one foot over the other, glancing over towards the potted plants she kept in her corner of the train. “I mean…it’s a little bit exciting, isn’t it? It’s hard to know how to handle desires like these at this point in life, but the more I think about it, even the dangerous parts of entrusting yourself to someone else, the more I…!”

All of Sasara’s fidgeting and squirming was starting to jostle Iori like a boat amidst the ocean. She wanted to carefully consider Sasara’s words, but also - pillowy soft thighs were wobbling and grinding against Iori’s ears and it was taking everything she had to contain herself. Especially given the sweetness in Sasara’s voice finally had that longing, needy edge to it…

“So, what, something happened between you and your husband, and something about…Kobato made you wanna…get with him? …I’m starting to have questions about your home life.”

“It’s just…he died several years ago, and an ache of lost companionship turned out to bubble into something I hadn’t been indulgent about in a long, long time. Having someone come onto me that strongly was…well it sent me into a little spiral of actually wanting to relive my youth, just a little bit!”

Iori was torn in half between ‘never want to leave Sasara’s lap’ and ‘would like to be doing literally anything except having this conversation’. What on earth would Niko even say about a situation like this? “W…well, trying to make up for whatever tragedy happened to him by just going after whatever guy sniffs you out first isn’t really the best way to go about it! You should just…find someone once you’re actually out of Redo!”

“Ahh, Niko, that’s a lovely thought, but I’m afraid it’s rather impractical. Besides, nothing happened to him…he died peacefully, and we were both prepared for our twilight years to leave one of us on our own…still, it feels somehow unfaithful, but I can’t help but think…at my age, this little dream we’re having might be the closest I’ll get to one more flame, and I can’t stop thinking about wanting it.”

Everything Sasara was saying should have been sad and wistful. And yet, Iori’s head was spinning, now that all the sudden, Sasara laid bare everything she’s been going through. Going from turmoil to peace, to now diving deeper into someone’s heart…

…An unbelievably stupid notion flooded Iori’s head, the longer she put two and two together on Sasara and Kobato’s ‘date’, and what it would’ve meant to Sasara.

Something she could not let go of for the life of her.

“...Hey, Sasara, how old are you anyways?”

“...I’m eighty-six in reality.” Sasara said plainly, before covering her lips. “Ah, that’s right. I had this conversation with the president and it’d completely slipped my mind that I hadn’t told you either. I’m very sorry, Niko.”

Iori paused, taking a moment to process that, with everything Sasara said and did. …Truthfully, Iori had spent so much time maintaining her own Niko-cover that it was hard to be observant with others, but now it all added up so easily. Sasara Amiki wasn’t (that) stupid - just elderly and a bit addled.

…And it only inflamed that dizzying thought roiling up Iori’s core.

“So…if you had sex with Kobato…realistically speaking…that’s your last time, isn’t it?”

Sasara’s lips fell into a gentle frown. A normal person would’ve had the sorrow of impending farewells fill their spirit, but Iori could only grimace about another implication entirely.

“...I’m sure it would be. There’s only so much time I have left, and my body’s sore and weary in reality…”

“...You were about to have your last time…with that guy. …Your last time…the very last time you’ll ever kiss anyone else…or show anyone else your secrets…”

“I’ve already made my peace with this, Niko, so you don’t need to worry about it. …I’m sure these silly little urges will fade with time.” Sasara whispered, slowly trying to reassure the fidgety Iori upon her.

…All Iori could feel was her head spinning as the unbelievably beautiful Sasara confessed something as decadent and romantic as one final night with someone.

Her hand reached upwards, fingers bent and shivery. Her breathing shallowed, putting it all together. Beginnings and ends. Origins and farewells. All put together in a radiant, angelic package smiling tenderly down at the undeserving Iori. All laden with an irreplaceable aroma…

…With no forewarning, Iori turned over to bury herself face down in Sasara’s lap, much to her senior’s surprise. She started to comfortingly brush the back of Iori’s hair, right up until…

“...fuuu. Aaaaaaaaah-!”

Shoving her lower face as deep into Sasara’s skirt as she could, Iori sucked in a breath with all her might - flooding her lungs with something she’d only ever heard of in raunchy manga.

That blissfully heady smell of Sasara in heat.

“Ugghhhhhh, it’s so GOOD…” Iori panted, sucking up every warm particle of air filtering up through Sasara’s skirt, drinking it up like the wine of courage she so desperately needed. Of course, she would happily die smothered here and now in this, but there’s something far more important Iori had to make sure she could get.

It’d slip through her fingers forever, this radiant light.

“...ah, Niko, are you…quite alright?” Sasara asked, oh so innocently, in a voice that infuriated Iori to no end. It’s like she didn’t brazenly huff Sasara’s crotch at all, with a question like that! How was a married woman with children just confessing that she still wanted to have sex so innocent?

Iori’s hands lifted, then descended, like an organist making her opening, fingers gripping the piano that was Sasara’s thigh. She rose with stormy determination, an utterly un-Niko-like scowl painting her lips. Eyes that were once bright and sunny faded in luster - yet bored into Sasara’s surprised expression.

…An expression with just that faint glitter of excitement. Sasara’s mind might not accept that Iori was coming onto her, but her body was telling the truth.

…that’s the kind of thing Iori really wanted to be true, anyway.

A resentful growl filtered up from Iori’s lungs, one that wouldn’t stop her from drawing closer and closer to Sasara.

There was only one thing Iori could possibly ask of Sasara, right now.

“Give me your last time.”

The low, painful voice Iori carried shocked Sasara, even more than the question itself. “Niko…? What’s gotten into you…?”

“I want to be the one to send you off, Sasara. …hah. Ahahah. I want it more than anything in the world. If you’ve only got one more flame, I wanna see the very end of that candle for myself. It’s the warmest thing in the world to me, right now.”

Iori’s Iori-like grimace turned into an Iori-like smirk. Ravenous, demanding, chuckling under her breath. That was it. The best opening Iori would ever have. She nailed it. For once, she nailed it!!! She’d wanted to say something like that to someone her entire life!

“...Niko, I’m afraid I’m not sure what you’re trying to say…?”

The window behind Sasara’s shoulder rattled when Iori forcefully smacked her hand against it. Every atom of oxygen expelled from Iori’s lungs, before she pulled in as much back in as she could - making sure as much of it was that lovely perfume Sasara cloaked herself in.

“...I am trying to say that if you want to fuck someone as a gift to yourself before you die, I want to be the one you do it with, okay!? Damn it, I really thought I had that one…” Iori muttered under her breath, her arm shaking as she held it firmly next to Sasara’s head.

“...With…with you?!” Sasara gasped, the gears finally clicking as to what exactly Iori was asking. “Ah…I’m surprised you even feel that way… You seemed like such an adorable darling that the boys would be all over.”

Iori couldn’t even begin to hide the convulsion in her throat. “No WAY, and I’m glad for it, I don’t want guys anywhere near me. L-listen…don’t worry about me. I’m - - - Niko’s just here to, uhm, resolve what’s gnawing at you! If you’re in need like that, do you just - want to do it already?”

“...I…but can something like that…really happen between two girls…?” Sasara whispered in an achingly low whisper.

That line. It was enough to make Iori scream. “I’m gonna go insane hearing you ask stuff like that at me after I’ve read it a billion times!! Would it help if, I dunno, you closed your eyes and imagined me as a man or something?!”

The minute those careless words escaped Iori’s lips, her eyes just about lost all color.

Saying something like that is tantamount to admitting her gravest sin, isn’t it?

She was so close. So, so, so, so close, but now her greed’s ruined it all. Now she probably couldn’t work together with Sasara anymore. Now she’d probably have to leave the Go-Home Club entirely and change her name and pretend to be some other person entirely-

“...Ahahaha. You’re such a delightfully fun girl, Niko,” Sasara said, that gently creaking croon in her throat making Iori’s spine tingle. “And such an enthusiastic bundle of energy, willing to play around like that just to entertain little old me…”

It’s not something Sasara could’ve ever imagined - that another woman would stare at her with such hungry eyes. Thoughts Sasara rarely entertained began to flow through her once again - namely, was someone like Niko really her type? All her life, she’d only known her husband - as firm and stalwart a man as anyone would ever meet. To her, Niko was the polar opposite - a spunky and sprightly little thing, an adorable girl reminding her more of her granddaughters than anyone else.

“I have to admit, Niko…”

Sasara sighed, as for the first time in oh so long, she would have to consider turning someone down.

And the minute she came to think of it, a sharp pain coursed from her belly, fierce enough to shut one of her eyes. A surprised grunt heralded a thin trickle of saliva down the corner of her mouth - a dizzying weight sagging from her shoulders. It was a familiar feeling-

The exact same sense she had when her charming date with Kobato came to an abrupt end.

Sasara Amiki, whose words were always so poised and careful, was so struck by this sensation a second time, that an admission spilled from her before she could control it.

“T-the idea of turning you down feels really painful, and I’d really love your help with these urges I’m having!!”

The minute Sasara ‘confessed’ it, both of her hands flew up to her lips in embarrassment, eyes clutched tight, face going hot enough to feel like steam was billowing from her ears. Even at this crucial juncture, she could not help but think her and Niko were talking past each other - that this was going to sour their relationship.

Instead…

“...heh. …heheheh. …I…I really…shouldn’t act like this.”

The exact phrasing Sasara just used - the exact way her hands were folded over her mouth, tickled a thorny pain in Iori’s heart.

<<...Don’t ask any questions, Iori…this is just…something Niko wants your help with.>>

Iori couldn’t help but breathe harder, faster, remembering the day that she made her most terrible mistake.

“...am I really…about to…fuck up again like this…” she whispered, before reaching down to pry Sasara’s fingertips away from those captivating lips.

“...I only…have a little while to do it. …And you could die…at any second. So…so no matter what…” Iori’s voice wavered.

“...Sasara. …No matter what happens to you…it’s…it’s not my fault, right!? Yeah…it’s not my fault…!”

Her grip was so tight on Sasara’s fingers that her knuckles were bone white - each breath was a struggle, and one that Sasara Amiki wasn’t equipped to understand.

…Deep in that younger girl’s eyes, there was an obvious, yet mysterious pain. And it was Sasara’s habit to assuage this with as warm and saintly a smile as she could muster.

“Ehehe. You’re concerned that the experience will be so overwhelming that it’ll take me then and there? You’re so silly…so adorable in your own way though…so caring. You’d be a darling in my family, just like everyone else~”

Throwing Sasara’s hands down, Iori clasped both of the elder woman’s shoulders, pushing faces together with nary an inch between them. “Don’t say that. Not right now. …Not once. Not ONCE have I ever wanted you in my family. Sasara…”

Swallowing tightly, two breaths washing over each other, Iori pulled all the vigor she could, and admitted, “This entire time…I’ve looked at you like a woman. Someone I’ve fantasized about. …I’ve even made a mess of myself, dreaming about what I’d like to do with you. …This is…way too embarrassing to tell someone I haven’t even kissed yet. …But we’re both…we’re both in the mood for something crazy irresponsible, aren’t we?”

Iori left her words hanging for long enough to make it clear that she needed something from Sasara - words beyond just consent, words that would make it crystal clear that the desires they shared were in sync. It’d been so many long years that Sasara hadn’t prepared those types of romantic words - her typical gentle eloquence fell apart into messy stammering.

But finally…

“...Let’s just go with ‘what happens in Redo stays in Redo’, shall we, Niko? …But we likely ought to keep it a secret. So to seal it~”

Pupils dilating to pinpoints, Sasara’s arms slipped around Niko’s waist - and for the first time in her life, she swept forward to lock her lips with another girl.

It wasn’t a long, deep kiss, by any means. A ‘smooch’ might be the better word for it - but it definitely wasn’t the type of smooch between friends. It lingered enough, lips tight together and seconds passing, that Iori realized that it was all falling into place. The tension keeping her spine as stiff as a board all melted, and her smaller figure, straddling Sasara’s lap, toppled forth, collapsing bust-to-bust with her sensually soft senpai.

…A reminder, once again, of the differences between Iori and Niko.

A reminder of how much smaller her sister was on that day.

As the kiss lingered just enough to force Iori to take a deep, shaky breath in, the car crash of injustice, desire, and longing threatened to tear her face apart. In the embrace of an impossibly beautiful, elegant noble woman like Sasara Amiki, Iori didn’t know whether to cry, laugh, swoon, or…

…She didn’t even know what she was supposed to do with her body. The expected instincts coursing through her, to lift Sasara’s skirt and have at it, wouldn’t work now, would they?

With that movie-perfect sound of parting lips, just squelchy enough to sound like a succulent fruit made of love, Iori gasped in, “...I said all that…but I honestly…gh. …Whoof, all these feelings are hard to control. …Should we just…do it? Like…right here? What’s stopping us? Sasara,” Iori exhaled, reaching up over Sasara’s left ear, “...C…Can we…Can I start undressing you…like, NOW? I really, really, REALLY want to. Oh god, all the things I’d do to you, right here, you’re gonna need to be good at telling me to stop…”

Iori’s admissions started to ramble and accelerate as awkwardly as they came - and she realized she was just saying that she’d go too far with Sasara - that she expected to violate a boundary. It scared Iori to say-

But Sasara’s flushed face just fell against Iori’s hand, a dreamy, heated look tightening her eyes. “...Honestly, Niko…wouldn’t it just…ruin the fun to tell you to stop? If…it’s my last time…I just want it all…I feel so greedy and demanding, I’m fearful that you’d treat me as delicate. I…almost want to be left with a feeling that I’m going to remember what we did in my last moments…I want it to hurt, just a little bit…I haven’t done something a little foolish in so long that it’s all catching up to me, Niko, please, just take me, don’t hold back, I can’t handle this deeper pain any longer!!!”

In that very moment, Iori grabbed hold of Sasara’s tie with enough force to send a jolt of pain through her neck - and in one fluid motion, twisted her hand around the underside to yank that golden fabric free with a flourish.

A serpentine grin nearly cleaved through Iori’s cheeks, as she laughed, “...Mine. You’re going to be mine, by the end of the night. …Let’s spite that Regret by doing something we’re both gonna regret like crazy, ahaha…!!”

Fingers hooking into Sasara’s collar, Iori gripped as tight as she can, and pulled, ripping a button clean off of Sasara’s blouse in feral desires, heralding a ripping sound -

…And heralding, with impeccable timing, the squealing of train brakes and a slow in momentum that sent Iori and Sasara toppling onto the floor - Sasara’s cushiness smothering Iori beneath.

“...A…ah! Ow ow ow…that was quite the surprise…” Sasara muttered, pushing herself up breathlessly, both arms over Iori’s shoulders. “I’m very sorry, I should’ve held onto something if we were going to go and do this on the train…”

“...shit, shit, we’re still on the train, Sasara we’re still on the train oh my god they would’ve caught us red-handed oh shit what are we doing Sasara oh hell I’ve fucked it all up wait oh damn it I can’t-” Launching herself backwards like a snail pushing free from its shell, Iori dusted herself off, gripping a support pillar for dear life - in the precious seconds before the train pulled into the station. “...Are YOU alright, Sasara?! Get up, oh no I went way too far-”

Taking a hand extended down to her, Sasara wearily pulled herself up, shaking her head just before the Express came to a full stop. “I’m…I’m just fine, dear, really…”

The doors hissed open, and a chorus of voices called all at once. “Komamura, Amiki, are you two unharmed?” “Where are they at, Sasara, I’m gonna kick their asses!” “Niko, tell me about what happened-”

The amassed members of the Go-Home Club waited anxiously on the platform, with Shota’s larger frame blocking the rest of them from entering the train itself - his offered hand left untouched by Iori.

“...what…what the…what’s even happen-”

“Don’t worry, everyone!” called χ’s clear, spunky voice, breaking up the crowd with both arms. “I just had to make an emergency stop cause of some Digiheads on the track, but none of them got aboard, so it’s a bit of a false alarm, uh huh!” Hands on her hips, the diminutive Virtuadoll sized Iori and Sasara up and down. “...You two okay over there?”

…The pounding, painful tension in Iori and Sasara’s stomachs was enough to make them both double over in agony. As though their connected hands shared this sense of pain, they briefly exchanged a look, before Iori took the lead in guiding Sasara out. “Actually, Sasara’s been feeling pretty bad this whole time so I’m gonna take her home thanks for the help and all that everyone but Niko’s gotta get our precious Sasara safe and sound and tucked into bed you know how she’s an early bird gotta go woosh!!!”

With strength renewed even in her tiny body, Iori drove past the rest of the Club, past the predictably over-nosy men, past the befuddled Marie, and, much to Iori’s chagrin, past the clearly eagle-eyed Kiriko with her difficult poker face.

…Someone like that could surely smell what was going on here, but Iori just didn’t have the time. These shared, boiling urges needed somewhere stable to sate them as soon as could be.

If anyone could hear Iori and Sasara’s thoughts, they would be a shared scream of terse internal agony as they wasted no time bolting out of whatever train station they so happened to be in.

“...uh, are those two gonna be okay?” Gin asked, rubbing a hand behind his hair. “...I mean, it’s one thing to see Niko sprint off that way, but isn’t she pushing Sasara a little too hard? …That all kinda went at a mile a minute.”

Tapping one shoe against the ground, χ groused out, “...It’ll be fine. I can see everything that goes on in and around the Express, just so you know, and I just overreacted to the worst case scenario for those two. It wasn’t that many Digiheads at all, and uh, they totally went flying off. So it’s all a-okay!”

Having stepped into the car mid-sentence, Ryuto, eyes half-lidded as ever, couldn’t help but wordlessly picked up a familiar gold-colored tie that’d been discarded onto the adjacent chair. As he could quickly deduce, given χ’s obviously sudden, stammering words but lack of confrontation with Iori and Sasara, the simplest explanation for Sasara’s abruptly discarded tie and her subsequent fleeing the scene…

“I see. I suppose I should’ve assumed this would happen sooner rather than later. Just one disadvantage to working with the sort of cohort I’ve found myself with. I’m surprised more than anything that a near misstep like this didn’t involve Kazamatsuri at all.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, pipsqueak?!” Kobato stammered, barging his way onto the train and sulking. “Hmph. I’ll have you know that if things had turned out different, it’d be me protecting Sasara like that and escorting her home, as a gentleman ought to do.”

“...Certainly. Let’s settle on that, shall we? …χ, we both may need to discuss how to better handle…incidents of this nature, inasmuch as they do pose a risk to our operational success, as I’m sure you’re aware.” Ryuto tactfully hid the tie in his backpack, hands folded under his chin as he rested his elbows on the table.

“There ain’t squat to discuss, kid!” χ fired back, flopping dramatically and showily on a bench seat as the club filtered into the train. “And if there is squat to discuss, why’s it the two of US who need to think about that? Just let it go and it won’t be a problem, got it?”

Pinching the bridge of her brow, the Virtuadoll glanced at the holographic train map at her fingers - the train’s current location just outside the entertainment district, as she’d planned the moment she could feel Iori and Sasara getting a little too steamy in full sight of her gaze.

“...jeez, why is this a thing I even know how to handle? Human culture’s way too infectious…doesn’t help how many of your songs are all about how you can’t keep to yourself, hff…”