Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He swore this would be the one. Wrong, this was all wrong. 140 timelines, months of searching, and still nothing. Not a single one where Mitsuba Sousuke was alive. He wanted to scream so, so badly. This was all his fault. Curiosity be damned, determination be damned, and that God forsaken school clock be especially damned. He stood in silence in the cold, empty, dark space, cursing everyone and everything, the moment this whole ordeal started in particular. Most of his poor attempts were forgotten, but the first time he turned those little clock hands left an imprint in his brain.

”The school’s auditorium is open again? I’ve never been there!”
Kou found himself pushing open those heavy doors not long after. Stupid. A step forward.
”I’m gonna search for any supernaturals. I’m okay to go in alone, I’ve done this countless times.” He thought to himself, as he looked around the empty space. He inspected every nook and cranny, slipping around on the cold floor. Idiot. A hand placed.
”This clock seems broken, I’ll fix it.” A big and ancient clock stood before him, its hands clearly out of place. Stop trying to handle things you don’t know how to. The clock hands started to be moved.
The second he touched one of them, time froze. Though he, alone in a forgotten corner of the school, couldn’t tell. Nothing moved, not the air, not the grass, not the people walking around the corridors. They stopped, awaiting further instructions from Kou. A boy who barely knew how to fix a clock, much less how to handle time, something that slipped away from him too quickly. He turned back God knows how long before stopping and placing the hands back down.
“That seems good enough.” And without a second thought, he made his way home. That would be the start of his downfall.

Timeline #1

At first, it felt like a dream; good, confusing, hazy and impossible all at once. A scenario he had unironically dreamed of more than once; finding the cause of so many dilemmas and sleepless nights standing innocently at the school gates. The exact same as how he left him before, only a slight difference. The camera held tightly in his hands and a yellow scarf. Those details were enough to determine that this was either gonna be the best dream ever, or his worst nightmare.

He was back in the second year of middle school, there was no denying it. He even walked in his old classroom just to be told off. Was this another of Shijima’s paintings? But, if that were the case, why wasn’t Mitsuba in his same class? And why were they a year back? Simple answer; it wasn’t. He rushed to Hanako’s bathroom the second he was allowed to leave, since he couldn’t figure out which class was Nene’s, but he wasn’t there. No note, no meeting, not to mention the accumulated dust everywhere, nothing to indicate he was ever there at all. He was freaking out, to say the least. He paced around some more, in hopes of finding an explanation and a way back with every turn he took. He couldn’t find Nene at all, which only sent him in a deeper panic. By some miracle, he encountered Teru in a corridor before he completely lost it from confusion. He asked if he had any information, he practically begged, only to be met with amusement and dismissal.
He didn’t know anything about it, he only knew Hanako from the same old stories he was old about their relative sealing him for good. Nothing about Nene or the fact they were a year back.
Crazy, he felt crazy. Maybe he needed to get some fresh air. He sat outside on a bench, breathing in everything he could. The walk there was fuzzy, he half remembered saying bye to Teru before heading off, everything felt like that. He just stared at the ground, at the dried leaves that fell there, one of the few things that didn’t change, in shock. 5 minutes passed, hell, maybe even 15, who knew, before he heard some footsteps nearby. He looked up, and there he was, in all his glory, the apparently resuscitated Mitsuba Sousuke, headed for the bench next to him. He stared, he has to admit. But who wouldn’t at a sight of a supposedly dead person in their vicinity? His fingers moved elegantly on the camera in his lap, adjusting and fixing some part of it. It was all so natural, it kinda pissed him off.
“Hey, Mitsuba.” He didn’t think before speaking, but he had too many questions to resist. Why are you here? Are you safe? Is this Tsukasa’s doing? Are you real? Is this a post-death hallucination of sorts? Am I crazy? Are you trying to torment me? Cause, if so, you’re doing real good. Did they matter? Not right now, but he needed to at least know he was real and safe. He watched his chest rise up and down with every breath he took, terrified that each would be the last. He felt like a madman. A stalker madman.
The ex ghost turned his head towards Kou’s, his eyes riddled with slight shock and his face puzzled, almost as much as Kou was. Right. They didn’t speak after the first year. This must be awkward.
“Um, hi, Minamoto.” He stammered out, going back to his camera immediately. Kou’s eyes didn’t move an inch. Or even blink.
“Are you… alright?” Was the only thing he could muster to ask. Out of all his options, the most normal sounding one.
“Yes? Are you? You look weird…” Mitsuba answered, uncertainty filled his tone. He didn’t look back at him, instead, he avoided his gaze.
“You’re alive.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. Less for Mitsuba, more for himself. He was there, right in front of his eyes, creeped out, but breathing.
“What?” He exhaled, slowly scooting to the furthest side of the bench, away from Kou.
“What day is it?” He asked, ignoring the obvious signs of unease coming from the guy.
“Uhm… Tuesday, December 10th.” A day before the date on his gravestone. He had to work fast.
“This is gonna sound odd.” He started, as if everything in that conversation thus far was 100% normal. “But don’t get potatoes for the curry tomorrow.” Suddenly, Mitsuba’s eyes were back on him. Wide, surprised, ruby eyes.
“How did you-“
“Do it today, or the day after that, I don’t know, just not tomorrow.” He interrupted without a care.
“Please.” He added, in an attempt to convince him.
“I’m, uh, I’m gonna go.” And just as quickly as he appeared, he left in a hurry. Kou pleaded that somehow, it would work, that he would listen to the crazy guy on the bench.

Two days after that talk, he got the news. He didn’t listen. Mitsuba Sousuke was dead, in a traffic accident. He got the news a day after the actual event, no idea why, guess nobody thought they were close.

A week after that, he was back at the ancient clock where it started. He figured out it was the root of the problem. And so, he turned the clock’s hands once more, determined to go back and succeed this time.
Timeline #2 was created.
Timeline #3 was created after that.
Timeline #4 was created after that.
Timeline #5 was created after that.
And so on and so forth. He saw it all. They were all failures. Miserable failures.
He was able to prevent his death for the first time only in Timeline #7.

Chapter Text

It took 6 miserable attempts for Kou to realize that Rome wasn’t built in a day. And neither could a friendship. So, instead of trying to persuade Mitsuba into not buying those potatoes after years of not talking to each other, maybe he had to build a relationship with him first.
In timeline #7, he turned back in time a couple of months before his death, after a bit of pondering, he chose August. Sure, only 4 months, but he wanted to start there.

The warmth of the summer month hit him like a train, especially after having spent his time stuck in December. The trees that surrounded the school had their leaves restored, though Kou already knew their tragic end. He spotted Mitsuba after a photography club meeting and settled for “casually” starting a conversation as an approach. No plan in mind, as per usual. Just hopes and a dream of not letting this guy die.
“Hey, Mitsuba!” He almost yelled at the teen who was already making his way out of the school by then. He turned to see Kou rushing towards him, almost as if he was late to catch a bus.
“Minamoto?” He murmured, gripping his camera a little tighter, Kou had observed that’s what he did when he felt nervous.
“Yeah, it’s me, from first year! Remember me?” He flashed a big smile, showing off all of his teeth, while simultaneously trying to remember the few acting tips he may know.
“Mmm… Yeah I do.” He said, the lack of insults or pretentious remarks felt unusual for the Mitsuba that he remembered. “Do you need something?” And now was where stuff started getting tricky. What to say, exactly?
“No, not really, I just saw you walking alone and I thought to join.” Closest thing to the truth he could possibly admit. Despite his spiritual views being really confusing, he prayed to every being that he knew of for this to work. “Can I?”
“Um, sure, I guess.” Score. This was nothing, really, but it felt like Kou had won the lottery.
“Awesome.” He stated, with the most genuine excitement he had felt in a while. “So, how are you?” He positioned himself next to the pink haired boy. They started walking.
“Pretty good.”
“How is year two? Have you made any friends?” Well, this was at least a good excuse to get to know this Sousuke. Now that he thought of it, he never knew much. He had a general idea formed by bits and pieces of Mitsuba and the warm memories of his mother, but in actuality, he knew nothing.
“No, I don’t think so.” Some kind of accusatory comment lingered in his mind, Kou was sure of it, he just held back.
“Give it time, once they get to know the real you, they’ll love you!” A warm, reassuring, encouraging hand was placed on Mitsuba’s shoulder. He reacted as if he had never felt someone’s touch.
A shy smile appeared on his mouth, and Kou never wanted for it to go away. Never.

-

Before they knew it, they reached Mitsuba’s house, and despite it being the opposite direction from the Minamoto family house, Kou decided to walk that extra mile, literally.
And it became a habit. Everyday, after school, one of them would wait for the other, and then walk Mitsuba home. Slowly, the coldness and mystery surrounding the boy disappeared, and it melted into the figure that Kou has always known. He even went back to insulting his earring. Sometimes, they’d stop so Mitsuba could take a picture or two. A cat, a puddle, an abandoned nest, a snapped tree branch, the sun poking out of the clouds, simple things seen through the lens of a teenager.

-

Just as slowly, they watched the months go past, and Kou relived the same school exams and assignments, but this time with the joy that watching Mitsuba complete them gave him. Even though he knew this wasn’t fruit of his doing, it still sparked an unexplainable happiness in his chest.
He visited the Mitsuba home, and this time, it felt like a home, not a house. Welcoming, slightly messy and lived in. His mother had gained a rosy tint in her cheeks that she lacked the last time he saw her. He got to see the photographs he had already seen accumulate in various piles around Sousuke’s bedroom, waiting to be repurposed as decorations.
The residence slowly got used to Kou’s presence, a pair of cheap slippers appeared, some of Tiara’s favorite candies were almost always ready to go in a bag and a spot on Mitsuba’s bed was renamed Kou’s spot on the bed.
Then, December came.
He didn’t want this to end, not now.

Tuesday, 10th of December, 20XX.
Nearby Kamone Academy.

They were around ten minutes in their routine walk.
“Hey, isn’t it your mother’s birthday soon?” Kou chirped up, hiding one hand in his pants’ pocket while the other one tugged at his earring. The air was cold, freezing, yet he was sweating like he was back in August, approaching Mitsuba once more.
“Tomorrow. I’m planning to cook her some curry.” Another smile on his lips, the one of a caring son who didn’t deserve to curse his mother with a lifetime of tears every birthday.
“Do you have all of the ingredients?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Even potatoes? You were out last time I was there.” Half a lie, he actually didn’t know.
“Potatoes?” He stopped in the middle of the street abruptly. “Uh… Shoot! I must’ve forgot them.”
“We can go buy them now!”
“Now?” He looked around, scouring the area. “There’s no grocery store around here, though.” Mitsuba sighed, defeated: “I’ll just get them tomorrow, it’s fine.” His walk resumed.

“Are you willing to walk a while?”

-

Tuesday, 10th of December, 20XX.
Nearby the Minamoto house.

“I can’t believe you’re dragging me in the countryside, Minamoto.” Mitsuba’s feet dragged on top of the concrete, greatly in contrast with Kou’s energetic and rhythmic steps.
“It’s not the countryside side! It’s just not the city center.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that then?!” His finger pointed at the horizon extending before them
“That’s a hill in the distance! You’re being dramatic.” He scoffed in response. “Plus, we’re almost there.”
“I would hope so, it’s been forever… I promised my mom that I would be home by dinner.” The photographer stopped for a brief second, taking in the sight of the “nature”in front of him, captured with the help of his camera, of course.

“You’re gonna be there before dinner, I promise.” Kou could hear a low mumble in response.
He honestly wasn’t expecting to bring Mitsuba near his house anytime soon, mostly because he still regarded him as a ghost in an exorcist’s family, but here they were. Not exactly at the Minamoto family home, but no longer than a 10 minute walk from it. It was the most logical solution in Kou’s mind, if there’s no potatoes, just go the closest grocery store, even if it’s the one situated 40 minutes away in a remote-ish part of town. Maybe not ideal for Mitsuba, but it was a small sacrifice to make in exchange for his life, at least, that’s what Kou thought.

“Oh, we’re here!” He proudly smiled looking at the small, family owned store that was probably older than the both of them combined. “Let’s go in!”
While the pink haired teen didn’t look pleased as one could be, he obliged, walking towards the front door. He froze once again.

“Wait a second, do you have pocket money?” He turned his head around to face an equally as surprised Kou.
“No…”
“Oh my god.” He just exhaled. “I’m never getting those potatoes, am I?”
“My house is nearby though, I can go get some!” He chirped, already preparing to run in the direction of the residence, hoping that his older brother wouldn’t be home yet.
“Is it ’nearby’ like this grocery store was?”
“It’s ten minutes away max!”
“Fine, but I’m not paying you back!” He playfully stuck his tongue out, though the sentence was heartfelt.

Kou nodded, and in a flash, they were face to face with the feared (only by Kou, truly) Minamoto family house. He unlocked the door, and carefully made his way in, almost as if he didn’t want his presence to be known. His guest, on the other hand, had no such care, instead stomping around the same way he did outside.

The house in itself was pretty spacious, with traditional furniture and photographs adorning every room. The one that stood out the most was the framed picture of a woman with long, light hair, similar to the Minamoto’s siblings. Candles and fresh flowers were placed around it, and not a single speck of dust could be seen on the surface in which it was. After taking off his shoes, Kou passed by her and payed his respects, before quickly scrambling off to search for money. Mitsuba soon followed suit, copying his movements without question. He awkwardly stood at the entrance, waiting in silence. He made note of the photograph, but decided not to intrude, for now.

-

“Got it!” Kou declared, holding up a small, brown, consumed leather wallet victoriously. He skipped over to the spot Mitsuba had claimed: “We can go now.” He smiled, making his sharp canines obvious.

“Kou?”

A familiar voice called out. Turning his head slightly, Kou saw a scene straight out of a bad comedy; Minamoto Teru, a grade A exorcist, with absolutely no mercy for any supernatural, holding his sword, used to execute said entities, behind Mitsuba Sousuke, a former ghost, though he wasn’t aware of it. His heart dropped for a split second, before realizing that, in this timeline, this was fine. Nobody was dying by the hands of Teru, certainly.

“Teru, back from patrol already?” Kou made his way over to his older brother, instinctively shielding his friend with his body.
“Yeah. Who’s your friend?” He smiled, showing off his perfect teeth. From what Kou managed to observe, It could come off as either really charming or really obnoxious, but Mitsuba seemed to be somewhat neutral.
“Oh yeah! Teru-nii, this is Mitsuba Sousuke, Mitsuba, this is my brother, Teru Minamoto.” He shuffled to the side, letting both of them fully face each other. He stared at the eldest Minamoto child, awaiting any sign of approval or of murderous intents.

Teru extended his hand to reach the non-clothed one of Mitsuba. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mitsuba.”
“Same here, Minamoto-senpai.”
The short silence and the end of the hand-shaking spiel, prompted the younger exorcist to take his guest by the wrist. “Teru-nii, we’re gonna pass by the grocery store, okay?”
“Alright.” He shrugged, before turning to Mitsuba “Mitsuba-kun, if you want, you can stay here for dinner. Our father can drive you home after.”
“Uh, I’ll ask my mother. Thank you, Senpai.”
And with that, Kou dragged him outside. No idea what his brother was thinking, but every bone in his body was telling him that this was a bad idea. But maybe that was the denial to be back with an alive Mitsuba talking.

“Your brother’s scary, Minamoto…” Well, at least he knew what he thought towards his brother, and he wasn’t lovesick, unlike some people.
“He can be pretty intimidating, sorry ‘bout that”He scratched the nape of his neck as they made their way to the store “I’ll take that as a no for dinner, then.”
“I still have to ask my mother. She’s a nurse, so most of the time she’s not home for dinner. I’d rather spend it here rather than alone, honestly.” He confessed, sliding his phone out of his pocket and unlocking it. “Even if it’s gonna be the lamest dinner ever with you there.” He smirked, and Kou shoved him lightly to the side. In true Mitsuba fashion, the lock screen was a photo he took; a simple landscape of a setting sunset with a cat passing by. The phone case was a light shade of pink, with a penguin charm attached, it seemed painfully similar to the one that he gifted him at the aquarium.

-

“Go in, I’ll call her outside.” And with that, he ushered Kou inside the family owned business.
The trip inside was ordinary, he waved at the cashier, and began browsing for potatoes. It was a local store holding up the best it could, maybe some corners weren’t the cleanest, but it was doing alright, and none of the food was expired. All the aisles were stocked accordingly, some scarcer than others, like the candy section, but all in all, it had what a person needed to make a meal. Since he wasn’t a potato expert or connoisseur, he picked a random brand that happened to fall in his hand first. He also picked up some sweet potatoes for Teru, just in case, and payed. He was actually out of there before Mitsuba had even finished his call.
“Bye-bye.” Was the last thing he heard him say to his mother, before hanging up.
“I got these ones, are they okay?” He passed the sack of vegetable over to him. After a quick scan, he gave his approval via nod.
“My mother said that I can stay over, she’s staying late at the hospital.” He sighed, smiling almost nostalgically. “Let’s head back.”

-

Having Mitsuba in his room was a weird sensation. First off, like everything surrounding this situation, it felt wrong and dangerous; second off, knowing that his old camera and photos would be placed in a shelf if he died the day after made him feel a sense of emptiness. Same went for the bed where he cried his eyes out for him, it all felt out of place, but he didn’t complain when he sat on his bed next to him.

“When’s dinner?” He asked, swinging his feet back and forth at the edge of the bed.
“If you’re hungry, I can start on it now.” He had little to no energy to cook in that moment, even less ideas on what to put on the plate that day, but he’d pull something out, somehow, like he always did.
“You do the cooking?” His head tilted sideways. Kou nodded in agreement. “I’m not eating here then, it’s poisonous.” He joked, with a giggle.
“Oh shut up, I’m a wonderful cook! I took after my mother, y’know?”
“Sure, but you’re also a maniac. I don’t trust you not to poison me!”
“I swear I’m gonna exorcise you…”
“Yeah, yeah. Well, unfortunately for you, I’m not a ghost.” Miraculously you’re not. Kou thought. “And I’m way too cute to be exorcised by a psychopath!” He smirked, covering his mouth with his cardigan sleeve.
“Am I just a punching bag at this point?”
“I’m just sayin’ the truth. Not my fault you can’t handle it.” Mitsuba flopped on the bed dramatically, letting his bangs fall slightly to the side.
“You better take me to a café and order me a flan after this.”
“I have to buy you a flan?!”
“Yes! For making meet your scary brother like this, with no warning! And for taking me to a remote part of town for a sack of potatoes.That’s traumatic stuff, you know? Don’t tell me you have a jacked older sister that’s gonna join us for dinner or something…”
“I have a younger sister, but she’s fi- I mean, 4, and likes sour candy, but that’s about it.”
“I can get behind kids.”
“Good! She’s a sweetheart either way so it’s hard not to.” Tiara had never been much of a difficult kid, besides the normal nagging that a 4 year old did. Best not tell Mitsuba about her lightning powers surpassing Teru’s though.
“As long as she’s not a hella-lame traffic
-earring kid, I think she’s safe.”
“Seriously, what do you have against my earring… And she doesn’t even have her ears pierced yet.”
“Perfect! Then she can’t be creepy like her older brother, taking a poor, innocent and unassuming boy in the woods…”
“I am not a pervert! And these aren’t the woods! There’s apartment complex all around us!”
“That’s what they all say…”
“I will seriously kick you out right now and make Teru accompany you home.”
“Eek! Okay, okay, got it.”

-

They were now standing in the kitchen, Mitsuba sitting and watching Kou, who was preparing the ingredients for dinner.
“Minamoto, I’m bored.” Mitsuba puffed, his head resting on his hand.
“What am I-“ He was brutally interrupted.
“Can I cook with you?”
He waited a second. The ghost version was a terrible cook, but maybe this one was better? He was about to cook curry for his mother after all. “Are you gonna burn down the house?” He asked.
“No! I’m good at cooking, I swear.”
“Alright. I’m trusting you.” Mitsuba practically jumped up at the words. He rolled back the hanging sleeve and awaited directions. “We’re cooking meat cutlets, potato salad and miso soup.”
“Oh wow, okay international.” He sarcastically commented. “I can work on the soup.” Kou nodded in response.
“I’ll start on the meat then. If you need anything, just ask.”

And off they went, each with their little task. One with an handwritten recipe in his hands, trying to understand the calligraphy the best he could, and the other going off his heart.
Mitsuba ended up being a much better cook than anticipated, since the home ec incident with the ghost version left him scarred (even though they eventually made a tasty omelette!). It was probably the lack of the supernatural element that made him actually able to cook like a normal person. Sure, maybe it wasn’t masterclass level, but it was edible within the first try.

“Kou-oniichan!” A little voice yelled from behind them. Both of them turned their heads to see what was going on. A small girl, with blonde unruly golden hair and deep blue eyes stood, hands gripping a bunny stuffed animal. Her excited and happy expression changed at the sight of Mitsuba, currently chopping some green onions.
“Oh, Tiara! Do you need something?” Kou exclaimed, signing to come closer.
“Nii-chan… Who’s that?” She pointed an inquisitive finger towards Mitsuba.
“Him? His name is Mitsuba, he’s my friend. Why don’t you introduce yourself?”
Taking her brother’s advice, she stumbled closer to Mitsuba, who lowered himself to get to her level. “My name is Minamoto Tiara! I’m 4 years old!” She proudly showed off 3 fingers while smiling.
“Hi, Tiara! I’m Mitsuba Sousuke, I’m 14 years old.” With one hand he signed 1 and with the other a 4.
“14? Oh, like Kou-oniichan!” The child smiled widely, full of joy.
“Yeah! Like him.”
“Wooah… Kou-nii, did you hear?”
“Mhm! Yeah, it’s great, no?” Kou replied, while frying the cutlets on the stove. He glanced over at his friend’s station. “Oi, Mitsuba, check the soup.”
“Ah, yeah.” He got back up, smiling another time at Tiara.
“Is dinner ready? Do I call Nii-chan?” The small kid asked, trying to spot food in the station.
“No, no, no yet. You can play some more.”
“Okay!!” She ran off, stuffed animal hanging from her hand.

-

Dinner was served faster than Kou usually would’ve, but Mitsuba was to thank for that. Sitting around the table, chatting about nothing with his family and guest made him… So happy. It all felt very domestic, even the preparation of dinner itself, and it was a comfortable feeling knowing which he wanted to sit in forever. He longed for his cooking while still tasting it, for the little variations from the usual taste. The atmosphere felt cozy and warm, despite Teru’s coldness around Mitsuba, a coldness that would probably evaporate with time. Because they had time. No Tsukasa worries, no mysterious disappearances, no severance, no falling apart while walking and no traffic incident the day after. Perfect, so, so perfect.

-

Wednesday, 31st of December, 20XX.
Nearby Tokyo

By some graceful being, Mitsuba had stayed alive the day after, no car crash. And now it was New Year’s Eve, and they (plus Yooko and Satou) had the crazy idea to spend it the Tokyo city center. So, they were walking around, in the freezing weather, just enjoying each other presence in a restless city.
The whole idea was Satou’s whom had some relatives in the area, but didn’t want to spend it with them, so he invited Yooko, who invited Kou, who invited Mitsuba. A chain reaction, but a good one.

It was midnight when it happened, they were hanging out in a quiet park, circled around and counting down the seconds until the New Year.

“5!” They shouted, watching the countdown on Satou’s phone.

“4!” Excitement filled their voices.

“3!” A new year, one where Kou had to meet Nene and Hanako, and still keep his friends close.

“2!” It was about to happen, a fresh, new start.

“1!” The last second of farewell to the past year.

“0! Happy New Year!” The group erupted in cheers, but they were quickly interrupted. A scream, which quickly multiplied. Blood curdling screams echoed around the park before anyone could truly understand what was happening, but it was bad. Kou stared at the terrified faces of Yooko and Satou. His heart dropped.
Where was Mitsuba? Just a second ago, he was standing next to him. He traced his friend’s eyes, until he saw him. Or what remained, truly.

No, no, not now. We were so close.

Blood and flesh was all he remembered, but Mitsuba had been hit by a firework that tilted sideways before lighting and his torso was unfortunately in its trajectory. Some dumb teenagers thought it would be a good idea to place one on a bench, and it was tilted enough to hit his chest in full.
Kou dropped to his knees, holding up Mitsuba head.
“Call an ambulance! Someone!” He just helplessly shouted, while cradling his friend, seemingly still conscious. Voices around him seemed to merge together, all a mixture of yells and gasps.

Please, stay with me!

He could feel his body twitching in pain, restless, unable to figure out where the pain was coming from or why he wasn’t capable of speaking. Only murmurs and groans came out. Tears streamed down Mitsuba’s face, carrying watered down blood with them. His expression curled in a disfigured expression with every passing second.

I want to live in your reality a while longer!

Every breath he took seemed to weight him tons, his chest felt stiff, and slowly, it took more and more energy to inhale and exhale. He tried to use his hands, successfully feeling the hold left in his body, he was frozen by fear.
Dying always scared him, he wanted to scream, to see himself, to be comforted, he wanted his father to hug him tightly and say it was alright. The inexplicable void was waiting for him, he knew he couldn’t resist longer the moment he started to feel sleepy. He knew he had to say goodbye, at least to one person. His voice came out in a whisper; “Mina…moto.”
And his eyelids dropped shut with one last deep exhale.

Don’t… go

After that, all Kou seemed to do, was yell Mitsuba’s name and shaking his cooling body over and over, in the hopes of awakening him. Yooko and Satou had to try and wake him up, with no real results or response. The angry yelling turned in helpless sobs pretty soon, washing the dried blood off Mitsuba’s hands, which were cupped in Kou’s own.

He had to be ripped off Sousuke’s corpse once the ambulance arrived, he was declared dead on scene.
He was on autopilot for the next days, barely taking care of himself, and imagining his corpse everywhere. Blood appeared on every surface he touched, his voice echoed in his mind. He was scared of the outside, of parks and of fireworks, a thing that he looked forward to see every summer festival.
At school, Yooko and Satou tried their best to support him, but to no avail. Kou Minamoto had become a broken shell of himself, and you can’t fill a broken shell without fixing it.

He had failed again, Mitsuba Sousuke was dead because of a firework accident on New Year’s, and he died in his arms. And it was time to go back and fix himself.
Timeline #16 was his most successful attempt.

Chapter Text

Realizing that you’re in love with the boy you’ve been trying to save for the last 16 months or so is a weird feeling. The same odd feeling you have after hugging said boy’s body and not his corpse. A dazed and unsure mix of emotions, which make your brain turn off for a split second.
Love.
What a strange word.

Love wasn’t talked about in the Minamoto household.
Kou had a memory of his father scolding Teru when he declared to have a crush on a kid.
“Knock it off.” He would harshly say. “Love is no good for an exorcist, it will only distract you. You can marry a girl when you’re older.”
Teru stopped bringing up his crushes after that, Kou followed suit.

Their mother wasn’t much help either. Both of her children knew of the story of her arranged marriage. Her mother had a best friend, met at grade school, attached at the hip. They wanted their kids to be like them or, in case one was a boy and another a girl, marry. A girl and a boy were born, and the rest was history.
She would tell it as a fairytale, something so magical, so right. Whenever one of her sons would bring up liking someone, she would gently giggle and ruffle their hair, whispering in a sweet voice how they should focus on training for now as her nostalgic eyes stared.

So, crushes weren’t really a thing Kou knew how to deal with. Sure, he had liked Nene for a couple of months, but it’s not like he actually made a move or anything of the sort.
And now he was standing in his room, one random Friday night in April, door shut, head in his hands, processing. He had just finished hanging out with Sousuke, whom he had to jump through hoops to save this time.
No New Year’s outside, no letting him near stoves when Yooko cooks, and, most recently, no staying in children-with-heavy-rocks’s infested spaces. A year had probably collectively passed, considering it took months between each death, and he had a new problem other than saving this guy, liking him.

The concept of him liking guys wasn’t something that even remotely crossed his mind. He never heard anything bad about gay people at the dinner table, but nothing was truly said there either. Knowing his family and their traditional values, maybe it was a little bit pretentious to assume they could be open minded enough for this stuff.

His chest tightened a bit at the thought.
This was all a little much for one night, maybe it wasn’t even true. Maybe he just had a little too much fun with Sousuke that one evening and now he’s confusing platonic feelings with romance, it’s fine. Teenagers are known for having sexuality crises anyways, it’s part of puberty.

He decided to sleep instead. Except he couldn’t. He hasn't been able to fall asleep since this whole… thing started. Whenever he did actually manage to drift away, it was his body collapsing after the lack of rest. Exhausting, but he couldn’t shake off the insomnia. He would lay in bed every night, calculating, analyzing, waiting. How would Mitsuba die this time? In how long? Could he prevent it immediately or would it take multiple timelines? He hated thinking about it all, but he had no choice. The lingering paranoia in his heart intensified with each second spent in this reality.
It was now spring, 5 months after the original car incident and the New Year’s fireworks. 2 months from when Yooko forgot to turn off the gas and set Sousuke’s house on fire, and 24 days from some kids throwing rocks right at Mitsuba’s head. And now what? School was about to start back up in a couple of days, would that mean more accidents could happen?

Saving people across multiverses is hard, isn’t it?
He finally dazed off.

Kou woke up early that Saturday. 9AM on the dot, without any alarm either. The sun seemed to have taken its place instead, harshly shining from his window. He went about his usual morning routine; check his phone, answer any important messages, clean up, and start cooking breakfast. Weirdly enough, he had a message from Sousuke, dated just 15 minutes prior. Odd, that guy loves sleeping in and waking up in the afternoon on weekends.

”i know we hung out yesterday but”
“mom is at the hospital all day today”
“wanna come over?”

His heart may or may have not skipped a beat, but that’s neither here nor there. Maybe that rude awakening was an opportunity to answer this. He hesitated for a moment; did he have anything planned that day? Even if he did, was it this important? He still had to check in with Teru of course… And he would take an abnormal amount of time to wake up. Times like this, Kou resented his brother, just a tiny bit.

”I have to ask Teru. He’s sleeping right now”

He hated saying no to Mitsuba, he knew it would only disappoint him, but he had no choice right now. Plus, it wasn’t a definite no, so what was the harm?
He placed his phone back on his nightstand, face down, and started going back through his daily motions. After all, the only things he could find comfort in the midst of this chaos, were the daily routines he had established so long ago. They weren’t going to change anytime soon, and Kou needed exactly that. Stability.

Sadly, they were both stable and boring. Nothing too remarkable happened while getting dressed, or while cooking breakfast, except Teru’s early entrance in the kitchen.

“Oh, Teru! Up already?” He asked, flipping over an egg on the stove.
“Mmm… I set an alarm…” Teru replied between yawns and eye rubs. “What are you cooking?”
“Just some eggs and bacon, thought they would be nice. What did you set up an alarm for?”
“Mornin’ patrol… You’re home with Tiara today, right?” Teru sat down at the table, his voice clearing up with every word.
“About that, Sousuke asked me to go to his house. His mom’s out all day, so…”
“Yeah? When are you supposed to go there? I can try to call grandma maybe…” A hand slid over Teru’s face and into his hair, ruffling the already messy bed hair he had.
“I don’t know, as soon as possible?” Kou knew he was pushing his brother’s limits a slight bit. Usually, they had rules set around hang outs to make sure everyone and everything was taken care of, and going out so early wasn’t really the best.
“As soon as possible…” Teru repeated in a hushed tone, almost like a sigh. “If we get Tiara to grandma’s soon enough, maybe you can get there by 10:30?”
“So in… an hour?”
“More or less. I'll call grandma.” Teru slid out of his chair, patting around his pants’ pockets for his phone. “Make me some coffee in the meanwhile, please.” With that, he disappeared behind a pillar.
Kou mouthed a thank you, and got some mocha started on the stove.

-

At 10:47 AM, Kou stood in front of Mitsuba’s door, waiting for the latter to open the door which he knocked on 4 times already.
“I’m not opening! You’re late!” He could faintly hear on the other side, alongside some snickering.
“By 10 minutes! C’mon!”
“You said 10:30! Find another way inside, or apologize sincerely.”
“I’m sorry! And I brought you some flan.”
Suddenly, the front door swung wide open, Sousuke holding it with a big smile, and a hand stretched out, reaching for the aforementioned flan. “Woow, Minamoto! Didya knock? I didn’t hear you..!”
Kou scoffed, as he stepped inside and shoved the bag containing the snack into his friend’s hands. “Here, I got it nearby.” He said, taking off his shoes at the entrance and putting on a pair of cheap slippers.
“Thank you. I guess I'll forgive you for being late, then!” He smiled, opening the bag and bringing out the contents. “Let’s go to my room.”
As they were walking through the hallway, Kou peeked at the open doors around them.
“Is your mom home still? I wanna say hi.”
“She left a while ago. If only someone came sooner!” Mitsuba remarked smugly, Kou elbowed him in response. “Ow!” He squealed, holding his elbow in exaggerated pain. It was nice to see his friend so carefree after so many tragedies back to back.

Mitsuba’s room was surprisingly minimalist for his personality. Pretty small, the bunk bed and a small furniture piece took up most of the space. Both the desk underneath the bed and the furniture were pretty cluttered by homework, photo rolls, calendars, and whatnot.
Sousuke climbed on his bed, ready to eat his newly acquired flan.

“I wanted to go and take some photos later, I have a contest coming up. Can you help me?”
“Sure. Where though?” Kou sat down on the desk chair, leaning back to face Mitsuba on the bed. Taking pictures together had become a sort of hobby for the two of them. Sometimes, Sousuke even tried to teach Kou the basics of photography and how a camera works, though it never led to any great piece of art.
“Mmm…” He tapped his chin with his finger, pensively "Let's go to Osaka!”
“No. Tickets are an arm and a leg.”
“Well, how much money do you have, Minamoto-kun?”
“On me? I don’t know, maybe 3000 yen?”
“That’s 1500 yen each… We can take a bus with that money! We’ll get as far away as possible.” He ranted excitedly, lost in his own train of thought.
“Wait, are you-"
“Great! It’s settled then.”
“What does that mean?!”
“I wanna go to the ends of this world!” His enthusiasm was met with silence from Kou’s end, who was still trying to process that idea. “What is it? Are you scared? Or are you just a scaredy-cat, lame-ass earring boy?”
He knew that the teasing would go on forever if he didn’t oblige somehow. He wanted to object, to protest against an unnecessarily dumb idea, but something in him told him to stop.

”That’s what I’ve been doing, and what I’ll keep doing, to make sure Yashiro can enjoy the time she has left.”

Afterall, he couldn’t say no to Mitsuba. Not when he was staring down on him with those puppy eyes and big smile. Not when he was so eager to do dumb teenager stuff. Not when he was there, for real. Not when he could die any moment.

He sighed, giving in once again. “Fine.. But let’s be back before lunch.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He said dismissively. That was a sign that they would not be back for lunch. “You have money to buy a sandwich in case, right?” Mitsuba climbed down the bed, throwing the packaging of the long gone flan in the bin.
“I surely hope so…”
“So! When are we setting off?” Sousuke asked, stretching his arms while Kou was still sitting on the chair, now turned to face Sousuke, and counting his coins.
“I don’t know, how close are we to the bus station?”
“Maybe 15 minutes? I wanna get there early, so I can shoot both the morning sky and the afternoon sky or the sunset.”
“Then shouldn’t we go now?”

They set off moments later, bags in hand and 3000 yen in Kou’s wallet. The weather outside was nice, thankfully; a shining sun that kept them warm and a slight breeze that was cooling on the skin. Spring was unpredictable for sure, but it also brought peaceful days like those around. Not to mention that the cherry blossoms were blooming at that time, making petals fly around them on their walk.

“So.. What do you wanna shoot exactly? The cherry blossoms?”
“No, it's not my style. I’ll see when we get there.“
“So we’re just going around with nothing to shoot?”
“Photography is an improv art!”
“Sure…”

Kou glanced over to the street, realizing that Mitsuba was walking directly alongside cars. He wasn’t paranoid enough to believe that just walking or standing near a car could harm you, but, just in case, he grabbed Sousuke’s hand and led him to switch places with him. Confused, he obliged, but stopped in his tracks soon after.
“Uhm, Minamoto?”
“What?”

He stayed in silence for a little bit, looking for the right words as he stared back and forth between their still intertwined hands and Kou, before dropping it. “It’s nothing, let’s go.”
In all honesty, Kou hadn’t even realized that he was still holding Mitsuba’s hand, but it was too late by the time he figured it out, since neither of them seemed to be against it.
They stayed in that comfortable yet fragile position, hand in hand, without talking, afraid it might ruin the moment.

From time to time, without speaking, they would both stop, and Mitsuba would snap a quick picture with one hand using the camera around his neck. Once done, they would just continue.
Sometimes they steal quick glances at each other, disguising them as looking at nearby trees whenever their gaze would meet for a second too long.
Kou desperately tried to ignore those extra beats in his heart, or the rosy color forming on his cheeks the longer he held Mitsuba’s hand or looked at him, uselessly trying to suffocate them with thoughts about school or housework.

The balance was sadly ruptured the moment they arrived at the bus stop, as Mistuba let go of his hand in one swift motion, and got on the bus, Kou following suit.
“Two tickets, please.”
“That’s gonna be 320 yen.” The train conductor grumbled in a deep voice.
Kou searched around his wallet and pulled out the exact amount in coins before handing them to the train conductor. He grabbed the two tickets and quickly went to validate them before the bus started moving again. Despite being Saturday morning, not many people were on the bus, a couple of middle aged women and business men and only one other person that looked around their age. But that only meant that seats were easier to acquire, thankfully. Kou sat in his reserved aisle seat, he had learned that trying to get window seats while hanging out with Mitsuba was impossible, so he stopped trying, and enjoyed his company instead.

“Do we know where this bus goes?”
“No…” Mitsuba mumbled, looking out the window. “I’ve never been here.”
“Are you serious?” He almost face palmed, but he couldn’t judge, he had agreed to this after all.
“It’s gonna be fine! We have maps on our phones anyways, no? And the whole point of this is exploring new places.”
Kou pretended to understand and gave a nod. No matter how long we knew Mitsuba for, he could never understand his pictures, but that was art; subjective and very weird.

The ride was fairly enjoyable, the bus gradually got less busy with each, slowly more unrecognizable, stop, as people walked on and off. Eventually only the two boys were left at the last station.
They hopped off once they realized they weren’t going to go any further and examined their surroundings. It was a quiet sidewalk, almost in the countryside. Some buildings decorated the streets, mostly apartment complexes and a couple of daily use shops, but it was definitely a different scene compared to what Kou and Mitsuba were used to. The latter, though, seemed to have found heaven on Earth the moment he stepped out of the bus, Kou could basically see his eyes sparkling.

“Woah…”
“Do you like it?”
“Yeah!” He exclaimed, squeezing his camera tighter. “Where should we go?” He asked, turning his head to view everything around him.
“I don’t really know… Uh...” Kou joined in the search for a suitable place, though he still didn’t really understand what Mitsuba wanted to shoot. He brought a hand to the nape of his neck, in the hopes of it helping somehow.

He felt a hand tugging at his sleeve, a very familiar voice accompanying it:
“Ooh, I wanna go there.” Sousuke’s finger was pointed towards what looked like a park of sorts, not too far away from them, probably a 2 minute walk. “Let’s go, Minamoto.” He stated, grabbing Kou’s hand and dragging him with. It was such an unexpected motion that he didn’t really know how to react, other than a muffled ”Hey!” and just following.

As they walked through the park, searching for a good subject, Kou commented; “I thought you’d prefer a more urban area.” Reminiscing about their last hangout in the original timeline. Didn’t he say he liked cute places? A park was nowhere near that, no?
“Huh?” He reflected for a moment. “I mean, sure, but this is nicer. Less people, less noise…”
“I guess so.” He answered, tugging at his earring with his free hand.
They took a few steps in silence, admiring the beauty of the nature around them. Although he didn’t visit parks a lot, especially not after the New Year’s incident, Kou had to admit it made for a nice walk. Spring was always school and house chores season for him, but with Sousuke around to help, it felt nicer, and it was starting to become a favourite season of his.

“Oooh! I wanna shoot that.” Mitsuba exclaimed, breaking the tranquillity, before letting go of Kou’s hand, and running off to take a picture of a small bird on the ground. Kou stood still for a moment, staring at his hand as he felt the heat slowly cooling off both from it and from his cheeks. He seriously needed to get a grip and control himself a little better.

He moved closer, observing his friend in his natural habitat, fully immersed in his art. He was squatting down and moving the camera around at different angles, trying to find a good one. He snapped a couple of photos with every position.
“Is that what you wanna submit for the contest?” He inquired, as Mitsuba stood up and skimmed through his pictures.
“Are you kidding? Absolutely not.” His tone immediately shifted to a deadpan one within seconds. “Pictures like these don’t win prizes. You really don’t know anything about art, huh…” He snickered snidely, covering his mouth with his sleeve. For being so upbeat, that guy really made too many self-deprecating comments, especially about his photos.

“Yeah but I mean-” He stuttered, unable to formulate a good, not weird, compliment: “It’s just a nice picture, that’s all…” He tugged at his earring again. One day, he might just rip it out with all of that nervous tugging.
Mitsuba observed his camera’s display again, this time he seemed to like what he saw a little more. “It’s not that bad, I suppose.” Though he didn’t seem too convinced, it was still a step in the right direction. “Still, it’s not what I want to submit, so let’s keep going.”

He proceeded on his stroll, and Kou gave up on trying to reach for his hand again. He didn’t want to anyways, right? Nothing that day was even remotely romantic, nothing at all.
He shut up his thoughts and followed behind, accompanying his friend to multiple photo spots. The focal point changed each time: trees, plants, a couple of stray cats, and some Kou couldn’t really understand the subject of. None of those seemed to satisfy him though, so they kept going.
They decided to take a quick break by sitting on a bench, or at least, Kou did, Mitsuba stood up and captured a couple of trees and occasionally sat down.

“Hey, didn’t you say you wanted to shoot the sky?”
“Sky pictures are kinda boring, unless it’s the sunset or sunrise or something.” Mitsuba said, lowering his camera after an unsuccessful attempt to take a picture. “I don’t like how these are turning out.” He huffed out, frustrated.
“Then why don’t you wait for sunset and stop in the meanwhile?” He patted the empty spot next to him on the bench. “It’s still early, you can take more pictures later, no?”
Mitsuba didn’t say anything audible, but he did mumble something as he took the seat.
“None of these photos are good…” He remarked, scrolling through his camera roll for the twentieth time probably. Kou leaned to the side to glance over at them. He truly didn’t understand why he didn’t like them, but he had an inkling at least:
“I mean, they’re not bad, but I don’t think they represent your soul, no?” He looked up to Sousuke, unsure. He couldn’t decipher the look in his eyes, which only made him more confused.
“I don’t know what represents my soul!” He angrily spewed, clenching his fists just a little. This theme is so stupid..” He whispered, lowering his head.
“I don’t know, maybe you could start with something you like?” Cliché maybe, but truly, what could he answer to that? He already wasn’t good at comforting people, much less when it was art focused, and even less when it was Mitsuba, who looked at him with that same weird stare.
“I don’t know, I’m just exhausted..” He swung his body back to fully lean on the back panel of the bench.
“It’s only been an hour, you know… And I’m the one who had to follow you around and comfort you each time..” He murmured the last part quietly.
“I’m still tired.” He replied, still fully swung back.
“Hey,” Sousuke started up after almost a minute of silence. “Buy me a soda.”
“You’re gonna suck all of my money out…”
“C’mon, please?” He pleaded, in an exaggerated high pitch voice.
“Alright. But you come with me.”

-

“I didn’t realize that you were such a wuss, Minamoto! Can’t go to a supermarket all alone? Do you need my company?” Mitsuba poked, trailing closely behind Kou, acting as if he wasn’t scared himself to be left alone on that bench.
“Yeah, yeah… Be grateful I’m even buying this.”
“You said you’d help me, so own up to your responsibilities!.”
“With pictures, not snacks!”
“I’ll pay you back, I swear.”
“Sure, like all the other times I bought you something…”
“I will! Someday…”
“You don’t have to, it’s okay.” He said, holding back a smile. He somehow had already repaid Kou by just existing, truly. Of course, Mitsuba couldn’t understand that, so he just looked at him slightly confused, but decided not to open that conversation.

-

After their trip to the supermarket, they settled down in a different spot of the park with the newly acquired peach soda.
“How did you know that peach is my favourite?” Sousuke asked, opening up the can.
“I just kind of guessed.” He lied through his teeth, but who cared? It’s just soda anyways.
“Well you got it right.” He uttered, almost with a twinge of frustration.
He stared straight ahead for a minute, not blinking or saying anything, and just when Kou was about to question it, he leaned his head on his shoulder, sighing loudly. “Ughhh…” He lamented, shifting his position around to be more comfortable. Every inch of Kou’s body froze that second, except his heart, which started pumping blood considerably faster. Still, he didn’t move away, nor say anything, just let it happen, now matter how wrong that was.

“...Are you listening?” A voice managed to snap him out of his thoughts. He finally turned his head to face his boy that was quite literally fully leaning on him. “I said that we should turn back soon.”
“Didn’t you want to stay for the sunset?”
“...Nah, that was dumb. We should go once I’m done with the soda.” He raised the half empty can to his eye level.
“But you didn’t get the photo you wanted yet.” He pushed.
“I just want to go now.” Mitsuba shoved back, more serious this time.
"Alright.." He let it go, again. There was no reason to rush this picture anyways, his it’s deadline wasn’t near.

-

The bus ride was louder this time, everything was filled with the chattering of passengers, cars honking, and general background noise. So, neither of them really spoke, knowing that their words would lose their meaning anyways. They managed to get out at the right stop, and started heading back to Mitsuba’s house to say their goodbyes for the day.

“Sorry for dragging you all the way out there today.” Sousuke opened, not holding eye contact. “I don’t know what I was thinking, but I had fun. I just wish...” He tried to voice his concerns, but stopped halfway. “Nevermind.”
“It’s fine, I had fun too. Maybe we could do it again someday, however you wish to.” That seemed to calm him down a little bit, as he giggled.
“Sure. Only if you promise to actually help with the photos this time.”
“I helped!”
“I want you to help differently! I’ll tell you how next time.”
They had reached the front door of the house by then, and Mitsuba was already reaching for his keys.
“Well…” Kou began without much thought, watching as he unlocked the door and walked inside, holding it open. “I’ll see you soon?”
“Yeah.” He gave a sincere smile. “See you soon, lame-ass earring!” Before closing the door with a wave.

-

Three days had passed since then, and they hadn’t yet hung out again. They had, however, kept in touch via text, as per usual. Even without school, their schedules never seemed to align more then 2 times per week, especially since Kou had to babysit or train most of the time and Mistuba’s mom couldn’t really drive him because of her job.
That specific morning, though, something was a little off. They were texting the evening before, but the conversation ended abruptly because Sousuke had stopped replying. Kou had assumed he just went to bed early without telling him, maybe he had to go someplace with his mom the next day and would message him in the morning.
But it was now 11:57 AM and he had heard nothing back. Sure, he was a late sleeper, but not that late, and his mom wouldn’t allow it, surely. He was sitting at the table, unable to start cooking yet and staring at his black phone screen. Nothing had happened to him, right? Maybe he just forgot his phone at home? Plus, the next day was the first of school, so maybe he was out shopping?

“Kou, is everything okay?” Teru asked, after ushering Tiara out of the room. He had been fidgety all day; his leg was restless, he was tugging at his earring pretty regularly and, most concerning, he was pretty spaced out. “You’ve been acting strange all morning.” He continued, taking a seat next to him.
“It’s nothing.” He sighed, putting his phone down, faceup, just in case.
“Is it school-stress? The last year of middle school can be stressful, but you’ll get through it. Just like you did last year.”
“No, it’s not that…” He checked his notifications. Empty. His leg bounced faster.
“What is it then? You can tell me, Kou.” Teru placed a hand on his back, in typical older-brother fashion.
“It’s stupid. Mitsuba won’t answer my texts since last night, and now I’m getting worried.” He confessed, small tears forming in his eyes, which he blinked away. “It’s so dumb, he probably forgot and is now shopping somewhere, but he hasn’t even viewed them at all.” He rambled, while Teru reflected in silence.
“Do you have any idea where he could’ve gone?”
“I don’t know!” He raised his voice slightly, in an attempt not to make it break. “Maybe to his grandma’s? But he never goes there.”
“Just try to take deep breaths, Kou, you’re going to hyperve-”
Just then, his phone started ringing. He grabbed it without hesitation, his breathing still quickened. It was Mitsuba’s mom. He clicked the answer button with shaky hands.

“Hello?”
“Kou… It’s about Sousuke.” She started. “Have you seen him?”
“No? Why? Where is he?”
“...He’s missing.” It felt like something had just crashed him. All of the small amount of relief he felt while seeing the call dissolved in nanoseconds, leaving just shock.
“What? No he’s not.” He stated, feeling his pupils shrink despite the affirmation. “I- He just- He just forgot to charge his phone…” He repeated, confused.
“I already filed a report…” His mother continued, without acknowledging him. Her voice was very clearly strained. “When…” She took a deep breath to try and calm herself. “Um, when was the last time you heard him?”
He tapped out of the call screen and searched for the exact time of the chat. “9:37 pm?”
“Alright.. Um, I’ll let you know if anything happens..” She concluded, hanging up just before what seemed to be a big sob.
Kou stared at his phone in disbelief, there was no way right? Teru, who had gotten the gist of the conversation just rubbed his back and pulled him into a hug. He could hear some “It’s going to be okay..” and “Shhh..” being whispered. It was a warm, and full of love hug, but nothing reached Kou. Not the news, not the hug, nothing. All he could think of was that they had spoken just 16 hours prior. And he had to be out there still, right?

He felt so hopeless. So small. Like everything he had done was meaningless. Yet, he didn’t sob, he didn’t despair. He just kept holding on.

-

Kou had to admit that he was still “slightly” unstable when he decided to go to Sousuke’s neighborhood and search for him, but he had Teru by his side to monitor him. He was aware that this was probably a burden to his brother, but he wasn’t allowed to go alone or with Tiara, obviously.

The police were already there when they got here, probably questioning his mother. Kou didn’t speak a single word, he just started walking around, going behind houses and going along the main street. Going end to end, Teru was following next to him and kept an eye out for any supernaturals.
He inspected every corner of every alley, every odd bush, everything he could find, which wasn’t much. Mitsuba lived in a residential area, a nice and quiet neighborhood, in a good house, they were bound to come back empty handed. And Kou knew that, but he still felt the pit in his stomach get deeper with every empty and ordinary alleyway he looked in.

“Kou..” Teru said, the same way their mother would when they would bring up crushes. “I think we should go.” He continued, inching closer to him. “We looked everywhere. Let the police take care of it.” He put a hand in Kou’s hair, ruffling it gently.
“I can’t.” Kou just answered mechanically. “I have to find him.”
The hand in his hair moved to the further shoulder from his brother, pulling him towards him. “And they will. C’mon, let’s go home.” He rubbed his arm in an attempt to comfort Kou.
“I don’t want to give up yet.” He whispered back, letting himself get side-hugged.
“You’re not giving up, you’re just resting.” Teru reiterated, guiding him to turn and go back.

-

He couldn’t fight it, yet again. He just let himself be dismissed, again. He was home now, but what difference did that make? He couldn’t help, but he also couldn’t relax.
He was locked up in his room, not really doing anything else other than googling information about missing people: ”How long do people go missing for?” “How long does it take to find missing people?” “Recent missing people cases in Japan” “What is the 48 hour window?”. The more he read, the more he spiraled. There were so many missing people cases that went unsolved. Too many. Statistics were way too high. Were they going to find him, truly?
He would just dissociate looking at his phone screen, and come to when he would hear voices from the hallway.

“Teru-nii, when is Koi-oniichan coming out of his room?”
“Ah, princess, don’t worry about it. Do you wanna visit grandma?”
“But Kou said we’d play together!”
“You’ll play soon, go to your room, okay? Grandma is coming by soon.”

Silence.

And then repeat.

“Yes, I get it, but Kou needs support. Can’t you come sooner? [...] I’m sure your coworkers would understand. [...] … Fine.”

And again.

A cycle that lasted who knows how many hours, but eventually broke off when he woke up to an unfamiliar scene compared to when he supposedly fell asleep. First off; his phone wasn’t in his hands. And secondly, he was tucked in his bed. He looked around dazed, and found his phone charging on his nightstand, alongside a small bed light he had honestly forgotten even existed. Getting out of bed, he also spotted some soup firmly placed on his desk, alongside a napkin, a spoon and a note:

“Grandma made us some soup, eat up when you feel like it. -Teru.”

It made him smile a little. He took a small spoonful of the soup, to find it was still warm.
Granted, not very warm, but good enough for him not to have to microwave it. He ate a couple more spoonfuls before deeming himself too full to continue.
He checked his phone:
9:37 pm. Officially 24 hours since the last time he had spoken with Mitsuba. It felt so odd to describe it like that but that was the reality he was in. Before allowing his brain to process that information completely, he headed back to bed and hoped to fall asleep as fast as possible.

-

Day two was uneventful to say the least. No dreams, no texts or calls or any information from the police or Sousuke’s mother. And, most notably, Teru didn’t let him search around this time. He didn’t feel like starting a fight over that. He shut himself in, and restarted the damned cycle, getting out to use the bathroom and eat some bread every couple of intervals. If he crossed paths with Tiara, who was mostly at their grandparent’s house for the time being, he would fake a smile, interact, and just retreat.

Paranoia was starting to creep in by the end of the day. He would look at his phone and swear that he saw a text notification from Sousuke, but when he checked, there was nothing. He would start calculating the probabilities of his return based on the statistics, doing more math than he had ever done during his school career. He was spiraling.

The one good thing that came out of the day, was that the police didn’t classify Sousuke as a runaway, but rather as an abducted teen. Which was honestly worse in some ways, but better for investigations. It also removed any lasting hope that this was a silly little teenage rebelling act of his.
The 48 hour window officially closed that day, and Kou felt number more than ever.

-

Day three was hell.

He woke up, ready for the circle of dozing off and waking up hours later in a confused state, and decided to go downstairs to eat a bite.

“Kou.” He was greeted by Teru, with an odd stance. He had only seen that pose twice; when their mother died, and when his grandfather got very sick. It was never a good sign. The pit got bigger.
“We need to talk.” Oh. Oh God no.

They sat down on the couch, as if that was going to make the situation any less heavy. The air was tense, every inch of his body was trembling, maybe because of the lack of proper care, or maybe because of fear, or both. It was clear that the two of them were equally dreading that moment.

“It’s about your friend.” Teru started. “He…” Kou saw a twinge of hesitation in his brother’s eyes. The same brother who had no problems insulting supernaturals close to him. The same brother who yelled that he wasn’t cut to be an exorcist. “He was… No, his body was found in a ditch. It wasn’t suicide.”

“How.. What..?” Were the only words that his brain could let him say. This was too sudden, everything was.

“I can’t tell you anything else, I’m sorry.”

His mind was spinning uncontrollably, unable to understand how this could happen. Why? Who? How bad was it? If Teru wouldn’t tell him anything then it must’ve been pretty serious. But how serious?
He kept filling in the blanks, imagining a thousand different scenarios involving Sousuke’s body in all different kinds of states and positions, with all different attackers, all too quickly to analyze, but too long lasting not to make an imprint.
He needed to know more, just knowing he was found dead in a ditch somewhere wasn’t nearly enough. Nothing had fully hit him, everything left a big void in his memory.
He didn’t cry, yell, shake, or deny. He got up from his seat, stumbling around the living room, and got on with his day, with his pupils fully shrinked.

Somehow, the next day, he went to school. His first day of third year of middle school, the day after being told that his friend was dead. He honestly didn’t want to, but he had already overheard the multiple discussions between his brother and his father over that topic. He thought he could hold it together pretty well, but the need to know more was consuming him from the inside. Someone had to know something, right?

He begged Teru, Yooko, Satou, even the teachers, to help him, to put him out of his misery by sharing Mitsuba’s. Nobody really wanted to speak, some didn’t even know details or refused to know any, but there wasn’t anyone willing to tell him anything at all, for his good.
For his good, as if he hadn’t seen his friend’s face burnt and blistered, oozing blood and twitching in pain just months prior. Of course, they had no way to know this, but it didn’t matter to Kou. Fire and determination fueled his body, he was not going to stop until he found out what exactly happened.

But nothing happened.

A couple of days later, he finally decided to pay his respects at his altar at his house. It was eerily similar to the original one, and it sent a couple of shivers down Kou’s spine. The pictures were more or less the original ones, with some new additions, but the main big photo stayed the same; Sousuke in his middle school winter uniform, giving a small smile and looking straight at the camera. The more he stared at Kou, the guiltier he felt.
He felt guilty for not attending the funeral, so he passed by often. He had no explanation or justification, but somehow, Sousuke’s mother still welcomed him in her house with open arms.
He would either go there or to the cemetery, once the grave was lowered, whenever he felt hopeless. He could always turn back time, but it didn’t feel right. He wanted Sousuke Mitsuba to die with dignity, to have a proper case and for him to know exactly what happened so he could stop it all.
He would sit next to the tombstone and bring it a store bought flan, like the last time they hung out, and he would just vent. Let it all out, even stuff not relating to his death. His family situation, school, random daily events, and that competition that he never submitted an entry for. Kou saw the winner, and he knew that Sousuke would’ve absolutely won and hated the current winner. He would deem the picture “too simple” and “way too overexposed, like a filter.”. And all of that was enough to charge him back up enough to continue his investigation.

His source of information came weeks later, by a certain school council vice president and friend of Teru, Aoi Akane. A classmate of Nene’s whom he didn’t really talk much with so far. He knew he was originally a clock keeper and that their views on supernaturals clashed and were a major reason why they weren’t close.

Kou was starting to lose hope after the first two weeks without anything at all, so he decided to ask another improbable informant, Akane. Wouldn’t hurt to try, after all.

“Mitsuba? Oh… You mean the guy who was killed and left in a ditch? Ugh, terribile. I heard some stuff from Aoi.”
“Could you… tell me what they did to him?”
“Uh…”
“I need closure, please. Nobody wants to tell me… I…” Kou’s mind fogged up, all the words he had prepared in such a neat order suddenly scrambled up. “I don’t know what to do.” He managed to get out.
A loud sigh escaped Akane’s mouth, while he pinched the bridge of his nose, shifting his glasses upwards as he would usually do when thinking. He stayed still for a few seconds, before saying:
“Come with me.”

The student council’s classroom was a peculiar space; always tidy and without a speck of dust in sight, but also decorated with ridiculously tall stacks of paper. Other than those and a couple of books placed around, there were only three or so chairs scattered around. It seemed like Teru had gone out earlier, not surprising since Kou stayed later at school to mourn. Akane grabbed a seat for himself and signaled to his under classmate to sit down as well.
Though they were face to face, Akane felt incredibly distant, almost cold. Kou could tell by the way he kept shifting and changing positions in his chair. He took what was supposed to be a deep calming breath, but it had little to no effect on him.

“Listen, all I’m about to tell you is coming directly from Aoi, whose dad is an officer on the case apparently… But I don’t know anything, got it? And… I’m not good at comforting people, so don’t rely on me.”

Kou gave a small nod, bracing himself for the conversation about to happen. He dread it as much as the discussion about Sousuke’s body being found. Everyone knew something bad happened, but they always decided to postpone it.

“All that I know is that the autopsy showed he was strangulated.” Kou froze for a minute, he stood still, processing. It felt like he had the power to stop time. Strangulation? How could that happen?
“What?” Kou stared straight ahead incredulous, almost skeptical.
There was a brief silence following, as the news set in slowly.
“There’s more… but I don’t think you should hear it right now.” He concluded, looking to the doors awkwardly. “ ...Should I call your brother?”
“No, no… Tell me the rest.” His leg started bouncing uncontrollably on the floor, almost rhythmically.
Akane raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? It’s going to be public information soon enough anyways.”
“Just tell me, dammit!” Kou’s voice raised considerably, unable to hold back his emotions any further.
“Geez, okay!” Akane threw his hands in the air in defeat, before taking in a deep breath and releasing them. “I… ” He squeezed his eyes shut, leaning forward. “He was stabbed and… uh… His heart is missing. It might have been ripped out.”

Missing? How could a heart go missing? Where was it if not even the police couldn’t find it in those weeks?

Kou’s perception of reality started to become warped. Time went too slow, and way too fast at the same time. Tears started rolling down his cheeks and turned into a sob into his hand in a matter of seconds.
Everything was too close for comfort and too distant to reach. He leaned forward, almost falling on himself, shutting his eyes in an attempt to make it all go away. But of course, nothing did.
He could feel Akane’s eyes shifting from him to some other subject. He could sense his discomfort as this 14 year old boy poured his heart out through cries and sobs and he could only watch. He tried to offer a tissue, but couldn’t find anything, so he resorted to guarding the doors in case any student was going to question the odd noise.
Kou could truly only find relief in the fact that this was temporary.
This was a mere temporary pain, and it would go away soon, right?

Cause he could fix this, right? He got what he wanted, he got the info.
But that wasn’t enough. Something was wrong.

-

Being in the middle of a field at 3:00 AM wasn’t on Kou’s plans, to be honest. But there he was, with a flashlight, his phone, house keys, a couple of coins (400 yen at best), and his staff. He stood still, taking in the cold breeze that the night brought. But, most importantly, he was looking at the sight in front of him; a ditch. The 37th one that night. He honestly had no idea what compelled him to go to 37 different ditches scattered near the area in which Sousuke’s body was dumped, especially when he knew Teru was on night patrol. Maybe it was the adrenaline still running high from that morning, maybe a sense of justice, or maybe he was losing his mind.
Still, that didn’t matter, because he had committed to the search. And now he couldn’t turn back.

He gripped his flashlight tighter, as if it could protect him. He tried not to use it too much now that the battery was running low both on it and on his phone, but something was calling to him, almost like when he sensed a supernatural entity.
He looked around him, confirming that he hadn’t bumped into Teru (why would he ever be around a ditch for patrolling anyways?) and positioned his shaky hands on the flashlight switch.
A beam of light suddenly illuminated Kou’s surroundings, and made his eyes burn a little after being in the dark for so long. He rubbed his eyes quickly, and blinked away the discomfort, moving around the flashlight to find the spot singing to him.
He could immediately spot some red blotches on the grass, concentrating more in a specific place, and a deep pit in his stomach opened up. He kneeled down and poked around the area with his staff. The more grass blades he moved, the more he could catch glimpses of an almost glowing very red thing. He dropped his staff on the ground and reached out to grab it.

A heart.

A beating, bloodied heart.

It was so fucking beautiful. It glowed an indescribable color and you could only feel love towards it. And it was in his hand, pulsating with every second.

Kou wanted to cry at the sight, but he felt so numb at the same time. He didn’t dare to move a muscle, scared that even blinking might somehow change his view. He just stared at the beauty in his palm, reeling in the sensation of the tissue on his skin.
Everything around him disappeared, the only thing left was the fact that Kou was touching Mitsuba’s heart. It felt so warm, like a tight hug, something only meant for him, since not even the police could find it, and he embraced it, fully.

Kou thought about pocketing him, bringing him home and giving him a proper burial, but the blood would stain his pants. He pondered for a minute about what to do. He couldn’t just leave it or bring it to the police, but maybe he could bury him in that same spot? Sure, it didn’t hold any significance to Mitsuba as a place, but he truly didn’t have any other choice.

Kou started making a shallow hole in the ground with his hands. He wasn’t the best excavator, but he made it work. It took him around 3 minutes to dig a hole just deep enough to bury the heart properly. He inserted it carefully, making sure not to damage it, and covered it with the same dirt. As a final touch, he wrote “S.M.” with his finger, to symbolize a headstone. In the nearby small river, he washed his hands, before clasping them together in a small goodbye prayer to Sousuke. He made his way back to the train station soon after.

Kou got home at around 4:30 in the morning, almost sleepwalking, sweating, and his clothes were dirty from digging. He was lucky that Teru was a heavy sleeper and didn’t wake up from the front door opening or from the sound of his footsteps going to his room. He managed to stay awake long enough to get changed into a pair of comfortable pajamas and to throw his shirt and pants in an unused and hidden corner of his room before collapsing on his bed.

A day later he had to break into the school auditorium yet again. Thankfully, it wasn’t very difficult. Back in timeline #5, he made a small entrance on the side. Calling an entrance was an exaggeration truly, it was a medium hole in the wall, barely big enough for his head, covered up by some costume racks, but nobody noticed, or they just didn’t fix it, and it was good enough.
Usually, he would wait a little more to go back in time, maybe a week or so, but he had no intention of staying any longer in this world, even if the killer wasn’t captured. Who knew when or if they would even catch them anyways? And what could he do even if he knew the identity of the murdered? Kill them first?
It didn’t matter. Kou had got to say his goodbyes, he had visited his home to pay his respects multiple times, went to the cemetery and talked with him, and now felt ready to go past this horrible timeline and save Mitsuba.

He took a deep breath, full of every negative emotion he felt in the last weeks, and moved towards the clock, placing his hands on it.
As each clock hand moved backwards, Kou’s body felt lighter, his mind more free and his worry slowly disappearing. He hated why he had to do this, but the sensation in itself was so peaceful. Until it stopped.

-

A day before Sousuke’s disappearance.

Maybe going back 24 hours before something tragic happened was a little bold of him, but Kou didn’t care. He clearly didn’t run away and it didn’t seem planned, so why go back further?
He had no plan in mind. Zero. He just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. But he did have one thing in mind.

”Hey, is that photo competition still ongoing?”

“yeah, why?”

“Do you wanna try to take some pictures today?”

“be ready at 5."

He smiled. That checked the first (and only) thing on his list for that timeline, see Sousuke again. Alive. Now he actually had to get home, possibly within the hour.

-

“Kou! Where were you?” His brother greeted him, as soon as the door opened, Tiara up in his arms.
“Just.. buying some pens. For school.” Before Teru had a chance to reply, he continued “Also, can I go out with Sousuke today?”
“What about-”
“I already cleaned my room and done all the homework for when school starts back up.” He said, thinking about the mess in his room and his very untouched English homework sitting on his desk. “Please?”
“Well, if that’s the case, I suppose you can. Be back before dinner, though.” He concluded, putting Tiara down, who started running around for her toys.
“Thank you Teru!” Kou exclaimed, spriting off to at least try and hide the clutter in his room.

Other than just wanting to spend some more time with Mitsuba, especially after that weird hand holding and lean on his shoulder, he felt a little bad that he couldn’t get the shot he wanted. Maybe they could take a walk and find some good subjects and maybe they would hold hands again.

The few plans he had in mind flew out of the window the second he saw Sousuke though. He wasn’t even doing anything special, just standing at the door making small, awkward talk with his brother.
“Oh, hey, Minamoto. Ready to go?” After his weeks of misery, seeing him in person, talking, was almost enough to make him cry. Almost. However, he couldn’t resist the urge to hug him tight, maybe a little too tight. But could you blame him?
Sousuke squealed in surprise, while Teru just pretended something to take care of and turned around.
“Ahh! A pervert is trying to attack me!” He sarcastically exclaimed, not returning the embrace, but bringing his arms closer to his chest.
But Kou didn’t let go, if anything, he tightened the hug a tiny bit and let out a giggle. It was the only scenario that he could imagine where he would appreciate being called a pervert.
His friend could sense something weird, so he clumsily wrapped his hands around Kou’s body and patted his back. In almost a year or so of being friends they had never hugged, that was the first time, and probably the last.
The embrace lasted around a minute before Kou finally let go, raising his hands to apologize. “Ignore that.” He stated, closing the door behind them.
“Like hell I will! Lame-ass earring is such a wuss that he needs to hug me after two days that we don’t hang out!” He mocked, while poking his finger in the side of his arm. “What happened, had a nightmare?”
“Yeah, yeah. I had a nightmare, tch.” Kou scoffed in return, trying to keep the light atmosphere, but Mitsuba’s face twitched for a split second.
“You’re such a baby… But, anyways, where should we go this time?” He asked, stretching out his arms while strolling alongside him.
“Do you still wanna shoot the sunset?”

-

“I can’t believe that we broke into school of all places…” Mitsuba remarked in disbelief, opening the door to the school’s rooftop. “How do you know how to force a gate open anyways?!”
“Does it matter? Look, the view is beautiful!” Kou very subtly deflected, pointing at the horizon, painted of some early sunset colors and clouds. Birds and cherry blossom petals were flying around, decorating it even further and making the plain landscape that was visible in the day, feel so unique.
“...I guess you’re right.” He resigned to say, already gripping his camera with both hands and tweaking his settings for the ambient.
“How can I help?” Kou lit up, remembering their last in person conversation.
“Right now, you can’t, but I’ll tell you when.”
“Ah, alright then.” He said, deciding to just stick to leaning back on a wall, looking as Mitsuba worked in peace.

“How did you think of this place anyways?” He asked a few moments later, while walking to capture a different angle.
“I don’t know, I went here once with someone special and the view was…nice? The memory stuck around in my head.”
“So you didn’t like the view, but the person made it nice…” Mitsuba let out a deep sigh “Just when I thought you were starting to develop a good eye for this stuff.” He commented in between the clicks of his camera. “Who did you go with? Was it a girl you liked?” He gasped dramatically “Don’t tell you guys were…” He got cut off by Kou before he could finish his phrase
“No!” He huffed out, clearly flustered at the sole though. “...Geez, it was a friend of mine, that’s all.”
“Yeah, yeah, suure, just a friend.” He snickered.
“I’m telling you he-”
“He? Did you bring a guy here, Minamoto?”
“Not in that way! Stop with the innuendos, I don’t even like guys.” He blurted out as fast as he could without his words becoming jumbled.
Oddly, despite feeling confident in what he said, it didn’t sound right once it came out.
“I get it! Stop yelling at me.” Mitsuba just scoffed back, before going back to work completely in silence.
On the other hand, his friend decided to move around a little bit, ending up in front of one of the half-walls delimiting the perimeter that wasn’t in view of Mitsuba’s camera. He tugged at his earring, looking down at the city from his view.

“Hey, Minamoto.” He could hear Sousuke’s voice from behind him. “If I told you that I liked guys, would you still be my friend?”

Well that was out of nowhere.
“Of course. What kind of question even is that?”

Click!

“Nah, just messing with ya.” He reassured, inching closer with his camera pointed down. “That did make for a good picture though!” He showed the still frame of their conversation from his point of view, with Kou’s head slightly turned to the left and his body central, creating some good contrast with the lighter colors around them. “I really like this one.” Sousuke smiled wholeheartedly and Kou himself couldn’t deny that it wasn’t very pretty at the very least.

“Do you mind if I submit it?”

-

The day of the disappearance.

The day had come. Or rather, the evening. Sadly, Kou did actually have some stuff to do that day, and that couldn’t be postponed since he had to make up for his lies and actually do what he promised.
That didn’t stop him from texting Mitsuba periodically and having a mini panic attack whenever he wouldn’t answer by the time he would go to text him again. The more the day advanced, the more jittery and restless Kou got. He could be folding a shirt and he wouldn’t be able to fold the sleeve correctly because of his shaking fingers. Or he couldn’t be able to put some kids eyeliner on Tiara without it smearing too much for it not to be noticed.
But Mitsuba never stopped responding so far, even with 9:37 pm approaching rapidly.

”What are you doing?”

He sent, at 9.37pm, before putting his phone down and not looking at it for 20 whole seconds.

No answer.

It’s fine, he would clean up the mess on his desk.
Walk up to it, check again.
Nothing.
All good. He started by taking all of the books and notebooks and putting them on the bed in one big pile, then checking again.
9.38, but no text back.
He took 4 of the books from the pile and put them in some kind of order on the book-dedicated surface.
Check again, empty.
He would repeat the process but faster, in hopes of speeding time up. Maybe say a little prayer in between.
Check. Nothing. 9:39 now.
Kou did it again 2 times, doing it so fast that he almost slammed his body directly on the wall.
Check.

”microwaving some chicken mom left me lol. why?”

As soon as he read that ext, he thanked God, or whoever was up there, for making a picture what changed the outcome between life or death. How that worked, Kou didn’t question, but he did question whether or not to start praying more often.