Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Rabbit sits in his room, not really sure what to do. He doesn't really have friends right now. No family, no girlfriend. It's Christmas, whatever that really means to him. He really hopes he could get a job. Any job. He's kinda gonna regret that hope.

His phone rings, "Rabbit, I'm a go-getter."

"How do you feel about priests?" Dispatch gets right to the point, like always.

Rabbit pauses, "As a concept?"

"As someone for you to beat up." Dispatch's nonchalant tone continues despite the even for them weird request.

"Someone wants a priest to get beat up. On Christmas? What type?"

"Catholic. You in?"

"I think I need a bit more information." Rabbit is not sure why he's hesitating. He wanted something to do. Christmas doesn't really mean anything to him. He has vague religious trauma like many Christianity based atheists. Why is this giving him pause? The priest is Catholic, too. Those dudes usually have it coming.

"Just got a name, money, location and some very simple instructions. Again, are you in?"

"...Fine."

"Good. I'll text you the details. Call me when you're done." And Dispatch is gone. Suddenly Rabbit misses it when phones had dial tones.

His phone beeps again, and he knows where to go and what to do. He gets ready.

---

Rabbit doesn't have many convictions. He couldn't really do what he does if he had. But one of his convictions is that he does not believe in god. It's a weird conviction, a lack of believe. But when a priest is willing to not fight getting beat up, in exchange for his nonexistent soul, it feels like a conviction. When his job leaves him with feeling uncertain about his own goodness, his own worth, treating his own resilience as the highest power there is feels necessary. He doesn't have family or friends or a significant other. And he doesn't have god. But maybe what he does matters to the people who hire him. That's something.

Rabbit doesn't believe in sins. Things are right or wrong or complicated and the concept of sins does not fit. There is a difference between lying and murder. There are inequalities of wrongness.

There is no reason to baptize him. It's useless. It's wrong. He's a denier of god and there is no reason to change that. It won't change anything. Christianity doesn't make anyone inherently good.

He doesn't want his hair wet but he does want forgiveness. He can't get it from his father. He can't get it from Natalie. He can't get it from a nonexistent god. But still, he asks for it.

--

Dispatch is suprised he did it. Rabbit doesn't know how to feel about that. But Dispatch tells him merry Christmas as he watches a drunken and or homeless Santa sleep on a park bench and he returns the sentiment, barely.

He's not sure if he regrets picking up the phone or not.

Chapter Text

"What's your sexual orientation?"

Dispatch gets right to the point, as always. One would think Rabbit was used to it by now, but he still isn't. Or maybe it's about the topic at hand.

"I thought we weren't allowed to do personal questions." It's one of the things Rabbit most likes about his job. Not having to get personal. Though lately his jobs haven't let him be as private as he'd like.

"It's for the job!"

Dispatch says it like it should explain everything. "What? What's the job?"

"You need to pretend to date some dude."

Rabbit doesn't know what he expected. This job sounds like a no big deal.

"I'll do that. The things I've done for you, you think I won't kiss a guy?"

"Hey! I don't know if you suck dick or not! Toad wouldn't do it! So, be go-get-him this time."

Well, he doesn't suck dick either but this is about pretending. He can kiss almost anyone for a job, it doesn't matter to him.

But since the topic was brought up, Rabbit's curious, "Dispatch, what's your sexual orientation?

"Money." Dispatch hangs up, and Rabbit thinks he might adopt that answer for himself. People are probably much less weird about that answer than they are about asexuality.

***

Without knowing the details about the job, Rabbit's pretty sure his asexuality won't be an issue. People have clocked him as queer long before he understood himself as such. He's not quite sure what it is about him but there's something. Now he understands at least that much about himself. He's more comfortable in his asexuality than he is in just about any other part of himself. Natalie helped him with that.

[Natalie could handle his asexuality. She couldn't handle his addiction.]

He's pretty comfortable with pretending to be specifically gay, even though that's not what he is. He can act the part. Though now that he thinks about it, why would someone hire someone in his line of work for this? Maybe the job is not as unproblematic as he thinks.