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Chapter Text

The look in his eyes was fierce and passionate- something that when coming from Evans face was terrifying to Regulus. His eyes shifted between Regulus and Barty as he leaned forwards over the table eagerly. His grin was wide and a little too evil for anyone’s liking. "I really think it could work!" He proclaimed, leaning back in his chair with an echoing creek. "And we'll need all the help we can get this season, what with Barty being off for his bloody leg." He rolled his eyes, staring Barty down at Barty’s leg with a pitiful expression. Pomfrey had tried everything and yet he was still stuck repairing his bones the muggle way.

"So that's your plan? Give someone a love potion and distract them on the field so we can win?" Regulus questioned, narrowing his eyes down at him, pinching the bridge of his nose in utter disbelief. "For some reason I have a sneaking suspicion that's against the rules. Have you any idea how utterly ridiculous you sound?" He folded my arms placing his elbows on the worn spruce table.

Evan sighed and looked off to the side, "Well... I think the Gryffindor chaser shouldn't be aloud to bash their stupid fucking brooms into Barty's leg but, hmm," he shrugged, "whatever you say."

At the last quidditch match between Gryffindor and Slytherin James Potter 'lost' all control of his broom and bashed into Barty's side, completely knocking him down. Gryffindor's had cheered, Slytherins erupted into enormous masses of angry noise. Everyone else sat and watched tensely. Not even a detention for James Potter nor points deducted from Gryffindor, Slytherin were left to play with a wounded player and a hatred towards the chaser in the red top.

"Fine, I'll help you make the potion." Regulus sighed, "Who's it for and who are we going to torture on our team?" He said, the corners of his mouth lifting into a very small smile. Secretly he had hoped it was the fourth year beater who had given him the wrong kind of the look a few days prior.

Barty and Evan both tensed, awkward smiles displaying on their faces. Evan twiddled with his hair and Barty looked down to the ground. Their guilty faces spoke loud and clear and he already knew. "Who. Is. It. For." He spoke firmly.

Evan gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, "We were thinking... you?" A small tremble could be heard in his voice as he was also aware of just how ridiculous he sounded too. He comically opened one eyes, surveying Regulus for a reaction.

His left eye twitched, "... what?" Regulus took a moment to process the absurdity in disbelief. "No! Are you insane?"

"Please." Barty pleaded, "Out of all of us, you're the one who makes the most sense." He had tried to reason (though the word bargain feels more fitting) with Regulus. Regulus raised an eyebrow as to why that might be and he came with a response quickly, "Your the fittest out of us all, like I mean look at you. Screw being a quidditch player, we should get you on the cover of that muggle magazine Vouge."

He leaned forward and whispered bitterly, "Don't think sweet talk and showering me with compliments will get you anywhere Crouch." His face went sour.

Evan raised his hands in a plea, "Reg, please, I'll do anything."

He considered it for a moment, with the rise in exams and matches he would be all over the place, having a servant to follow him around and clean up after him wouldn’t be a disservice to him. Was it worth sacrificing all his dignity though? "Fine, you can clean my part of the dorm until the end of the season."

Evan opened his mouth in protest and disbelief but knew not to argue and just succumbed to it. "Fine." He bit his tongue.

"So who are you supposing to fall in love with me?" Regulus almost jested until he saw the looks on their face once more.

"Well... we were thinking..." Evan scooted around the question with hesitation.

"James Potter." Barty went straight to the point.

"What?!" He stood up out my chair and exclaimed, quickly remembering we were in a library and sat back down. In a low whisper he said, "Are you insane?!"

"I know I know, but he's the only one dumb enough to fall for it. Besides," Evan raised his eyebrows, "Wouldn't it be nice to get on your brother's last nerve, James will be obsessed with you... Sirius won't like that." His tone was cheeky, naive and blissfully unaware.

"You don't know what you're talking about." Regulus spoke as if venom came out of his mouth. "Sirius hates me enough, more fuel to the fire is pointless."

"Exactly!" Barty exclaimed, "More fuel to the fire that no one will notice besides him. Sounds like a pretty good deal right?"

"Are you sure we can't win with our sub?" Regulus bargained.

"No fucking chance." Evan sighed.

"Yeah, we're absolutely screwed." Barty chimed in.

They both looked up at him, eyes begging, "Please Reg, I'll clean your part of the form for the next two seasons." Evan begged.

He looked between them, their faces wide and eager. He sighed and slumped back into his chair, "Fine."

Their faces lit up with smiled, "Thank you Reg, you're the best!" Evan scrunched up his face in life glee.

"If we don't win though," He threatened, "I'm never speaking to you again."

They both nodded, "Seems fair." they hummed in agreement.

Regulus paused momentarily, "And I'm holding you to the two seasons, my corner better be spotless, I should be able to see my reflection in the floor."

And so the plan was made, a slightly rule breaking plan was formed in that library. Now with the quidditch match tomorrow all they had to do was make the potion and hope Potter was dumb enough to take the bait. Securing Slytherin a victory.

Chapter Text

A shade of blush shimmered and danced through its glass bottle, it flickered under the light of the early peep morning sun and moon. Its pearlescent shade of mauve was enough to draw the attention of any eye. The aromatic smell of pearl dust, rose thorns and peppermint almost sent me to sleep. A wave of fourth year nostalgia washed over Regulus, he thought back to when he had paired with Barty in Slughorn’s spotless classroom to brew this for the first time. It wasn’t merely as exciting to him now. He picked up the glass jar, watching as the iridescent liquid splashed and gently swirled throughout the container.

Regulus was beginning to have second thoughts about this, surely we could win today without needing to forcibly seduce James Potter. Surely his well-being could be spared. But (as Barty and Evan had kept insisting throughout the night and early morning) it had to be done. "There," Barty looked proudly at his creation, "All sorted."

"Why did you even bring me here? I didn't even do anything, I could have stayed in bed an hour longer." Regulus rolled my eyes, holding the potion tight in his hand staring at it as it glittered under the light from the window.

"Moral support." Evan shrugged, "We know you need your beauty sleep, sorry Reg."

"Never say that again." He said dryly, "How are we actually going to get Potter to drink this?" He questioned, "I'm aware he's stupid but he's not stupid enough to drink a random glass jar on his table?" James' stupidity was very questionable however Regulus could acknowledge that even the biggest oaf in Hogwarts knows not to drink a random liquid that glitters.

Barty and Evan looked between each other, they both had inside jokes with each other that Regulus certainly could not deal with. "Oh Reg dear, we've already sorted that out." Barty pulled a small tag out of his pocket. Written on it (with the most gorgeous handwriting) were the words:

To Jamie,
Good luck today!
Lots of love from, Lily <3

Regulus chuckled. Jame's pathetic crush on Evan’s was apparent to everyone, proclaiming it loudly in front of his friends, staring at her when she was across from him in the great hall. It was almost comical and hyperbolised like a theatre show. "Genius." Regulus muttered under his breath, taking the corse parchment between his fingers delicately. He stared at the handwriting, I's being dotted with small hearts, the nickname Jamie, a perfect forgery. Although Regulus did feel some sympathy for Evans, poor girl never seemed the slightest bit interested in what James had to say, he hope peace one day finds her.

Regulus supposed for the next week that peace may find her as James will be too busy looking for his approval.

Things were looking up, Slytherin would win this game, Regulus would have subtle revenge on Sirius... revenge where the blame could never be pinned on himself, this was all on James. It was only one week, surely he could deal with that. One week and James would resume his regular massive crush on Lily and Regulus would be free to continue on with life. Actually he wasn't sure how long the potion lasted, "Wait Barty how long does this potion last?"

Barty shrugged, "I don't know, you're the smart one who's supposed to know this kind of stuff."

He narrowed his eyes, "Well I'm not the one who made it, I don't know how much you put in of what!" He proclaimed.

Evans hand gripped Regulus’ shoulder, " I'm sure it will only be a few days." He spoke through gritted teeth to ensure Regulus did not fly off the handle.

"It better."

They sat silently at the table in the great hall trying to overhear anything, checking if James had defiantly drank the amortentia. They soon discovered all this spy work however was not required as Sirius stood up on the table, dragging James up with him, and cheered him on. Although you could not hear their exact words, shouting and the pounding of a table was very clear and had the attention of the entire hall. James grinned awkwardly (almost appeared as a grimace), as if he was held there by the tip of a wand. And then he drank it- swallowing it all in one.

Evan raised an eyebrow, "Merlin. That'll be a shock to his system."

Silently Regulus prayed. ‘Please don't come over here, that is far too obvious. Obsess on your own time, don't make your way straight to me just after being so excited about the Evans girl.’ He didn't appear to have any desire to come over, however his entire demeanour had changed. His eyes were filled with something- love Regulus supposed? James glanced up from the Gryffindor table and went a shade of plum that cannot be described. His eyes widened and he jumped back down to his seat, receiving jumps from other people as he writhed from the pain. ‘Love does make you crazy’ regulus thought.

"If this is  the treatment Lily also received, we may have to go to group counselling together." Regulus groaned, pressing his hands deep into his face.

Evan jumped up, "Come on." He dragged Regulus from his seat.

Regulus looked around frantically, "What's going on?"

"We're going to see your new pet of course. To ensure he’s distracted this morning?" His smile grew wide and mocking and Barty died of laughter.

Regulus pulled back so quickly, "Absolutely the fuck we are not!" He exclaimed.

Evan laughed again, "Just kidding, I'm inviting him to our after party tonight." The look of pure disgust on Regulus’ face prompted him to say more. "So he's distracted during the match?" He said as if it was obvious and he was the complete fool, "Also going over now will also give him something to think about during the match." Evan winked and Regulus felt bile rise in his throat.

Barty stood up, "Here." He grabbed Regulus’ tie and loosened it, unbuttoning the top button of his shirt in the process and ruining his hair. "He's going to absolutely melt at this sight." Barty said, admiring his work.

"I'm melting at this sight!" Evan exclaimed, looking Regulus up and down receiving a glare from Barty.

Soon enough he was dragged over to the Gryffindor table. Expressions of shock, terror and horror waved across the table, Sirius face was a combination of all three and one feeling Regulus didn’t think words could describe. Remus and Lily looked on in pure excited curiosity- clearly they were giving them something to talk about later. James cleared his throat, looking at Regulus with wide eyes, he teased his lips with his fingers almost as a way to flirt with him, instead he just looked ridiculous. After Regulus looked away in disgust James audibly sighed.

"What do you want?" Sirius asked, mainly glared at Evan. He couldn't even bring himself to look at Regulus but honestly he couldn't blame him.

Evan placed his hands on the table, "Just inviting you to the Slytherin after party thought. You know... after we win."

Sirius scoffed, "Oh sure, you’ve got no chance with Barty off. James will beat your snake arses.” His tone was full of venom (too much for a non Slytherins sake) however Regulus could not take him seriously when James Potter sat beside him with goo goo eyes, raising a goblet to his mouth and missing it completely, spilling water all down himself. His eyes darted from Regulus to the water as he quickly grabbed a napkin in pure embarrassment. Lupin watched in entertainment and confusion, completely shocked by Potters new found clumsy nature.

Evan leaned closer, “You alright Potter?” He mocked.

Potters eyes didn’t even glimpse at Evan, not a slight shift. They remained on Regulus at all times, “Yeah we’ll be there, whether we win or loose.” The entire table looked shocked, bamboozled even. Potters positive outlook on life wasn’t a shock, however this was never usually applied to anything regarding Slytherins- that was the shock.

Evan leaned back and smiled, content. “Great.”

As they turned James spoke up, “Your robes look great by the way Regulus.”

He turned and scowled at him, receiving a punch on the shoulder from Evan to correct himself. His attitude shifted and he placed a fake flirty smile on his face, “Thanks Potter.” It cracked as soon as he turned around. As they walked away he heard the obnoxious sound of James hitting himself on the head murmuring ‘stupid, stupid, stupid’ and the silent table that just watched him in utter confusion.

This was going to be a long week.

Chapter Text

Sounds of rain plummeting down outside the changing rooms consumed his ears. Regulus’ eyes were unfocused as the people around him ran around in the dimly lit room, their egos lit up with passion for the game. The world appeared to be moving in slow motion as he stood mercifully breathing in and out. Inhale. Exhale. Slowly, he closed my eyes, the world around me turning into a deep shade of obsidian as he did. He focused his mind on winning this match, instead of the trivial things his fellow players minds were set on. A firm hand gripped his shoulder,

“Earth to Regulus, the best Black brother.” Evan called. “Come on, we haven’t got all day, we need to get out there. We don’t have the time for the grass to grow.” He chuckled, grabbing Regulus’ broom from beside him and forcing it into his hand. Regulus nodded. Evans face was plastered with a smile, “Good, come one then, let’s go.” Evan placed a hand on his back and launched him forward and out of the curtain.

It rained down hard onto everyone, Regulus’ hair already beginning to stick to his forehead. The ground below his feet was completely sodden and squelching grimly. He raised his eyes from his feet that were gradually being covered in filthy mud and he met James’ eye as the Gryffindor team strode out. James blinked rapidly, looking from Regulus back to his own feet. His tanned, lightly freckled cheeks grew a deep shade of rosewood that soon took over his entire face. His gaze on Regulus was soon shifted though when a fellow Gryffindor team member elbowed him, forcing him onto his broom.

Evans face contoured into exactly what Regulus was feeling deep inside, “I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.” He laughed

“Imagine how I feel.” His response was plain and dry, quickly hopping onto his broom to fly away from this whole situation. This is what it takes to win, he had to remind himself.

Soon enough the game started and within ten minutes it already involved a lot of shouting being exchanged in the Gryffindor team. The words which were being shouted at James Potter almost bordered on harassment and bullying but he didn’t appear to care one bit, his eyes are focused on one thing. Unfortunately, that one thing was Regulus- not once did he take his umber eyes off of him and Regulus swore it was more of a distraction to him more than anything. Every time he could have easily passed or done anything valuable to the Gryffindor team, Regulus fluttered his eyelashes and there, he was weak and it was another point to Slytherin. Gryffindor booed and Slytherins cheered, everyone else sat awkwardly watching the whole ordeal. Honestly Regulus could get used to this, he should use Amortentia on more people.

When passing the Gryffindor stands he heard Sirius and Remus exchange these words, “What the bloody hell is wrong with him today?” Sirius remarked, angry and in disbelief.

Remus sighed, “I don’t know. At this rate we’re defiantly loosing. He’s like a deer in headlights.” They both let out a chuckle.

He supposed one thing was proven though, they defiantly would have lost with that sub, luckily Regulus is just such an asset to the team and was willing to stoop this low. The pitch grew darker and darker until the sun was no longer present and its light was replaced with candles. James grew even more obsessed with Regulus though as if his beauty grew under the lamp light, flying around Regulus, orbiting him you could say, like a moth to a flame. Romance really did make him feel incredibly sick, luckily for Regulus this entire ordeal was fake and in a week he’d forget about all of this.

Relief washed over him when the match was called to an end with Slytherin proclaimed victorious. There were many boos but cheering outweighed them all, while the Gryffindor team sulked and punched the bench they sat on in anger, Regulus knew there were eyes watching him. Deep brown eyes watching him.

When in the changing room Evan and Barty (Barty who had ran here from the stands even though he wasn’t supposed to) embraced him tightly. “You did it Reg!” Barty exclaimed.

“Thanks to you, we won!” Evan jumped up and down like a child would.

He gave a small smile in return, “I’m just glad my part of this is over now.” Regulus rolled his eyes, pulling them both back into a hug.

Barty laughed, “I wouldn’t say that too soon.” Regulus glared at him, “I think your little lover boy is waiting for you outside.” Both Evan and Barry’s mouths were pulled up at the corners into devious smiles.

“Never call him that again.” He responded flatly. The pair burst out into uncontrolled laughter.

But sure enough, after getting changed and leaving the changing room he was met with a certain Gryffindor boy. He looked nervous and sweaty, like a teenage girl with a crush. The rain had stuck his hair to his forehead, but his messy curls triumphed nonetheless. He had not changed from his Gryffindor jersey and the rain had stuck it to him, outlining his chest and arms. His eyes darted around Regulus and did not stay still for a second.

He cocked his head and raised an eyebrow, “You alright Potter?”

He let out a sort of laugh/sigh of relief, or nerved? Or excitement? Whatever it was… Regulus didn’t like it. “You were great out there today.” He smiled, “Really really amazing.”

“Are you fraternising with the enemy now Potter? What would your teammates think of this?” Regulus intently questioned, he probably wasn’t helping his case speaking to him like this, but it was hard to deny that he didn’t find it the slightest bit amusing.

“Oh yeah, well… they’re all sulking and moaning right now, not my style. I thought I’d come and congratulate you instead. It’s good sportsmanship. You played so well!” His smile was wide.

“Thanks I guess. I would say you too but the outcome of this game doesn’t exactly agree with me.”

He let out a laugh that sounded deeply troubled or panicked, “I suppose it doesn’t. I’ll get you next time though.” He tried to respond playfully.

“You won’t.” Regulus shifted his broom in his hands and walked ahead of the brunette.

“See you at the party tonight!” He called after him to no response from Regulus. He supposed it was kind of unfair of him to engage in James’ behaviours. The match was done now, he had to leave this all alone now. Regulus would let him obsess for a few more days and then he’ll recover and be confused as to what he even saw in Regulus to start with.

“What about this?” Barty threw an awfully flamboyant shirt at Regulus without a thought.

He took one look at the ruffled monstrosity and said, “Absolutely not. Like I said, I’m wearing my normal clothes. It’s just a party, I’ll be there for an hour tops before I retire back to the dorm when I get sick of you all.” He threw Barths ridiculous shirt on the floor, receiving a gasp from Evan.

“But James Potter will be there!” Evan almost pleaded as if it defended the shirt.

“And?” He asked. “The match is done now, I don’t have to concern myself by making his mind race anymore. Or fuelling his fantasies that are products of a potion.”

“But…” Barty started, “Wouldn’t it be fun to fuck with him.” He proposed.

“Just while you have the chance?” Evan laughed to himself.

And that was how he ended up wearing a Barty and Evan special that they all could agree was far too formal but somehow sultry for the occasion. “Watch out James Potter,” Evan smirked, “He’s going to absolute fumble at the sight of you.”

Regulus looked between them both, smiling like idiots and he too smiled like a moron possibly for the first time in his life, “This is so stupid. You’re both so stupid.”

Chapter Text

With hesitation, Regulus descended the stairs from the dorm to the common room to see it dimly lit with lamps, Slytherin banners hung up on the walls (more so than usual) with anything green being put up and around to add to a sense of house pride. Ordinarily this would of been James Potters worst nightmare, Regulus could picture him tearing it all down or crawling into a corner to cry from the pure lack of red, however he watched intently as James walked in- eyes lighting up and darting around the room in awe. Regulus was both shocked and content at the fact he didn't push through everyone almost immediately to find him and instead stayed by Remus Lupin's side, anxiously talking to him.

"What are those two doing here?" Pandora whispered into Regulus ears with a giggle. "They stick out like a sore thumb all their reds and golds." She lowered herself to lean on the chair Regulus was sat on, eyeing the two Gryffindors in confusion.

He sighed, "Well, someone may of been given Amortentia." He spoke in a low whisper, gradually moving his eyes to meet hers.

Regulus witnessed as her eyes went wide and her mouth turned into a smile, "Wow, you little devil, Regulus Black." She looked between him and the two stood awkwardly in the corner, "I don't blame you though, he's drop dead gorgeous." She looked up and fluttered her eyes, she then proceeded to punch Regulus shoulder which hurt more than he liked to admit, "I didn't know you had a thing for Remus Lupin!" She exclaimed a little too loud.

Quickly, he plastered one of my hands over her mouth, "No! Not him. And I don't have a thing for anyone! We just had no chance of winning the quidditch match without a little... intervention." He admitted.

"Oh." She hummed, "That's a shame, that Lupin is a fine hell of a man. He’s so attractive but in an awkward and ugly way. Don’t you think-"

His hand quickly went back to her mouth, "Yeah, I don't care to know." Although he thought the entire of Hogwarts was in agreement with her, objectively Remus was drop dead gorgeous, however if Potter got wind of that from anyone (especially Regulus in this moment in time) he may or may not drop dead from sole bruising of the ego. You may think 'that's ridiculous' and that 'nothing like that could kill anyone' however he is a special case and Regulus truly believed it may happen one day.

"Awww, he's looking at you all starry eyed." She cooed into his ear. Looking up Regulus met his gaze and saw exactly what she was talking about, he practically batted his eyelashes at him. "Like, you're the star in his eyes! Because you know... Regulus... the star. Like how-"

He nodded, "I got the joke." He placed his hands on his knees and pushed himself up from his seat, "Now if you don't mind I'm about to have one too many fire whiskeys in order to get myself through tonight." One pat on her shoulder and then he left, a little too aware of the eyes that were following him.

Weaving through the crowds of people, in all honesty he didn't even know Hogwarts had this many people who were willing to come to the Slytherin common room, he made my way to the drinks table. It was large and mostly covered in spilt drinks leaving a sticky residue that would be hell to get off in the morning. Swiftly, he picked up a glass, turning around and bumping straight into the one Gryffindor he had hoped to avoid tonight. The drink splashed straight onto his shirt and Merlin was he lucky he hadn't worn a white one.

Regulus paused, breath in breath out, looking between his glass his shirt and James Potter. An unreasonable terror grew in his eyes as he opened his mouth to say something, shaking that thought away but then speaking anyway, "Oh bloody hell. Merlin, I'm so sorry let me get that for you." He reached behind me for a napkin, gently blotting it on Regulus’ shirt. He hoped Barty and Evan weren't watching this as they'd be in hysterics and he simply didn't want them to have that pleasure.

Quickly Regulus snatched the napkin from James’ hands, blotting his own shirt, "I can do it myself." He snapped. Turning around to not have to meet his eyes. Once finished, he now smelled so strongly of fire whiskey that any person would mistake him for a dysfunctional alcoholic. He re-poured his drink, swiftly waking away from the mess of a man he’d left behind.

"Sorry!" He called after Regulus, and he heard as James pushed his way through the crowd of people to follow him- receiving many deathly glares in the process. Regulus took one, fairly large swig of his drink, burning the back of hiy throat, to brace himself for the conversation ahead. Or in truth, any conversation he had to endure with James Potter tonight. Soon enough though he caught up to him, "Really sorry about that. I can buy you a new shirt if you want." He offered a little ridiculously.

"It's a black shirt." Regulus deadpanned, "I think I'll live." He could have milked this for a free, new shirt but theft by deception isn't exactly his thing. "Now can you leave me be?" He asked, maybe the real way to get a love struck boy who's basically high on Amortentia to leave him alone is to be direct.

Wrong.

Completely wrong.

"Oh no I couldn't. Not after that, I'm so sorry." He followed behind Regulus as he pushed through people, contorting his body in order to both walk and stare at him.

"It's a shirt." He deadpanned once more, making his way over to the dessert table in the hopes of escaping James, sadly though tonight was the night of hopes being crushed.

"Right yeah yeah, sorry." He nodded and shook his head as if what he said was utterly stupid (which it was). "You were great out there today by the way, really great. I saw you like zoom past me and was just thinking like 'wow', no wonder you guys won, you're fantastic."

Regulus picked up a slice of Victoria sponge and eyed him.

James paused, he could see cogs turning in his head as he attempted to think of something to say, "So... Regulus Arcturus Black has a sweet tooth, I knew there was a soft side to you." His smile grew fond, as if he had known Regulus all his life. How in the world did he know his middle name though?

"I don't think my choice in dessert says anything about my character Potter." He blanked. He knew James Potter was an unholy idiot but was this the Amortentia talking or his plain stupidity. Regulus watched as he slowly looked from him to the cake, taking a slice of the same not even beginning to eat it. Immediately putting it back down for no apparent reason.

"Oh but it does." His smirked, pushing his body forward with every syllable, poking Regulus’ shoulders with his fingers, "I knew. Somewhere. In. You. Was. A. Soft. Side." He was acting like a fool, his foolish eyes lit up with love, his foolish deep brown curls messily styled over his face, his foolish hands on Regulus’ shoulders- Regulus took his hands and moved them away, taking a large step back in the process.

"Oh please, do amuse me, how does a Victoria sponge give you a window to my soul?" Barty and Evan may have been right (he wouldn’t tell them that though) fucking him was quite funny. Almost like a court jester.

"Well..." he was grabbing onto straws. "I assume it's your favourite cake?" He asked, of which Regulus nodded in reply. He hummed, "see!" He exclaimed as if this was meant to mean something to anyone, "A dark brooding person such as yourself, or what you present to be, wouldn't take the time to think of a favourite cake and indulge in that."

Wow. He was actually an utter fool. Regulus thought he once read the word stupid in a dictionary and James’ face was sat crudely beside the definition. He believed James Potter invented the art of being a total utter moron. For the first time ever with anyone as arrogant as him, Regulus burst out into laughter. "Wow, you really are... something."

"Was that a laugh?" He smirked, which slowly turned into a dumb grin, "Did I just make Regulus Black, the meanest most secluded person, laugh?" He almost mocked in amusement.

"For the record, I'm laughing at you not with you." Regulus faltered for a moment, "Why am I even taking to you? I could leave right now." He chuckled to myself.

"And yet you haven't." He smiled. And yet he hadn't indeed. Why? He wasn't sure, spending time with someone with such low of an IQ was surely bad for him but it was bloody entertaining. "Because deep down you love me." His voice went all sloshy and weird. Amortentia had single handedly given James potter the anxiety of a toddler and then the confidence of, well... James Potter times ten he supposed?

"No." He shook his head, thinking back to what Pandora had said earlier, "I have more of a thing for your fine friend over there." He nodded my head over to Lupin who sat on a chair anxiously drinking something.

Many things happened in a split second, his eyes went from neutral to angry to deeply upset and then he collapsed on the floor. Even that was a little dramatic, even for James Potter. For a moment Regulus chuckled, James’ desperate attempt for attention amused him but then he didn't get up, or make any attempt at movement. Regulus quickly looked around, no one seemed to have noticed and so (still without anyone noticing) he dragged him out of the Slytherin common room by his feet.

"What on earth happened to him?!" Pomfrey asked in a secluded corner away from James who was lying in an infirmary bed passed out.

"Well um-"

"Has he ingested any strong potions?" She asked demandingly.

"Well... yes I suppose so." He knew it wasn't best to lie to a nurse, especially when James Potter had completely blacked out. However it wouldn't hurt to bend the truth a little, "He um, well I had brewed some Amortentia in potions, I was walking around with it in my hands after the class and you know James, very arrogant, very..." obnoxious, annoying, ridiculous, irritating, "bold." Was the word Regulus chose to relay to Madame Pomfrey. "He took it out of my hands without realising what it was, and drank the... whole thing."

Just a major stretch on the truth couldn't hurt anyone. He was not planning on getting myself kicked off the quidditch team or Slytherin removed from this terms games.

She burst into laughter, "Of course he did." She chuckled, "Always Potter finding himself in these situations isn't it." Her smile was wide. "What happened just before he passed out?" She asked.

"I messed with him, said I had a little thing for his friend." He pushed his hands forward, "Which I don't!"

She laughed, "I think you made him faint from heart break." She laughed.

"What?"

"It's a common symptom that comes with Amortentia, especially if it’s a very strong dose of it." She clarified, but this clarified nothing to Regulus.

"So what am I supposed to do then?" He narrowed his eyes.

"Well, he'll be fine, he'll wake up in fifteen minutes a little dazed and hazy. But I'd suggest being kind to him for the next week, I'd say you may have to play along a little because James Potters ego mixed with Amortentia isn't a good mix." She laughed and didn't Regulus know that.

"I have to... play along?"

She nodded, "Only for a week, don't want him breaking his heart again. I'll leave you to it, just sit and wait for him to wake up, I couldn't send you off, he'd be upset if you weren't here."

This whole situation was absurd and completely ridiculous, if Barty had told him his week would entail this he would never have agreed, however here he was, sat at James’ bedside.

He sat with his thoughts for a while until James’ eyes fluttered open, gazing upon him, "Oh, hi." He smiled dumbly. Sometimes Regulus wished for the ground to open up and swallow him whole, this was one of those times.

Chapter Text

As he ascended the stairs to the dorm Regulus’ mind was stirring. He was forced into spending the entire evening by James' bedside like some... he didn't even know. He had gotten a solid zero hours of sleep and spent the entire evening thinking of creative ways in which to murder Barty and Evan, preferably in the most excruciating ways possible. He had learnt some curses recently that he was more than willing to try out with them, or he could take a more muggle approach and somehow acquire a gun. No that wasn't nearly enough torture. After reading a muggle book, he had heard about Chinese water torture, the punishment fit the crime.

He barged into the dorm, failing to notice the both of them sat a little too close on a bed. "Oooo, hey lover boy. Where did you and Potter wander off to yesterday?" Barty taunted and Regulus felt as his left eye twitched. In a blind rage he took a pillow from Evan's bed and beat them relentlessly with it. He went from Barty to Evan to Barty to Evan, with no mercy. It was unfortunate that the pillow wasn't a brick.

"Whoah!" Evan exclaimed when he pulled back from the two, panting in anger. "What's got your knickers in a twist?" He made devilish eye contact with Barty.

"Thanks to your two scheming little arses," He pointed to the both of them, sticking a finger to each of their foreheads, "I have to play along with Potters stupid fucking fantasies or he'll die." Regulus said in a low, extremely livid voice.

Evan almost fell apart, "What?!" He started rocking back and forth from laughter.

"You heard me!" He took a deep breath in, "Apparently Potters ego and Amortentia don't mix will. If I dare to go against his delusions he will literally die of heartbreak." He folded his arms, "That's where I was all last night! In the bloody hospital wing with James Potter babbling about how soft my hair was and how he sees the ocean in my eyes, because he fainted! From bloody heartbreak!" He hit them over the head with the pillow once more.

"He fainted?" Barty raised an eyebrow .

"Yes! Because I dared to suggest Lupin was finer than him."

"You're not wrong." Barty acknowledged receiving a look of betrayal from Evan, slightly more emotional than it should have been. He held his hands up in defence, "He is objectively fit!" He defended himself.

"You're digging yourself into a hole here." Evan murmured then turned to Regulus, "So what are you saying? You have to flirt with Potter for a week or so?"

Rapidly he nodded, "That's exactly what I'm saying! Literally doctor's orders. If I'm a little too mean he'll have a mini heart attack and die."

"Poor James," Evan started, "it was nice knowing him." He traced a finger down his cheek to imitate a tear, "He's not going to be here this time next week- Regulus is incapable of any form of love." He mocked him in a blubbering tone.

Barty joined in, putting on a crying face, "Oh no, Regulus Black doesn't love me, I think I must die! I cannot live without his approval."

Regulus glared between the two, collapsing back onto the bed between them, "What am I going to do? This is going to be so obvious to the entirety of Gryffindor. I'm going to be personally hunted by Sirius." He huffed.

"I thought you were trying to get back at him? Piss him off a little?" Evan questioned.

"Kind of, because I thought it would be one day of slight interactions and then I'd be able to do what I want. Leave Potter to get over this crush by himself, and piss off Sirius himself a bit. But now I have to play along?! He'll send out an army to find me, I will be hung drawn and quartered." He groaned.

Barty shrugged, "Even better I say." He chuckled, "And by the end of the week... you'll be getting it on with James Potter." He giggled in a flirtatious voice.

Bricks were becoming more appealing now, why not a whole slab of concrete actually? "No I most definitely will not! He's on Amortentia and has, no way to consent... this is all against his will." He paused and then remembered that he was forgetting a crucial detail, "And I have no desire to be anywhere near James Potter!"

"Mhm." Evan smirked and nodded, turning to Barty with a smile, "see how the 'not liking James Potter’ part came last." He chuckled.

"You're cleaning my part of the dorm for the next year by the way." He informed Evan.

"What did I do?" He gasped, looking around the room like a mad man then realisation hit his face, "okay yeah that's fair."

Cool night breeze air stung his cheeks slightly as he gazed up at the vacuum of stars above him. Carefully Regulus watched as the some of them twinkled and some shone brighter than the rest. He delighted himself in filling his evenings coming to the astronomy tower and just glancing over the edge at the gleaming stars. Today the moon looked particularly bright and especially beautiful, it beamed down at him with a sympathy no human could reconstruct. This was his hour of peace, a few moments to himself that allowed him to remain collected. Time away from the chaos that humans innately brought. One hour of this a day brought him back to earth.

The silence was staggering but was soon broken by footsteps, he panicked slightly. A professor? He couldn't have this hour of peace taken away from him. Possibly a couple here to snog disgustingly? He would wither away and die. The sight shocked him though as he saw the Gryffindor fly up this stairs, practically pulling himself about. When he finally regained his balance he (unsuccessfully) tried to flatten out his hair that stood up instead in protest.

Usually he would demand to know why he was here, force him out or something of the sorts but the night sky didn't deserve that. "How did you find me." He still remained flat though, raising an eyebrow.

He chuckled, almost giggling which made Regulus want to gouge my eyes out. "I have my ways." He paused to think, "What are you doing up here?"

"Watching."

And he didn't question it, instead he moved closer, leaning against the balcony rail with him, his eyes gazing up to see what Regulus was looking at. However Regulus’ eyes trailed down to a small cardboard box he held so delicately in his hand, "What's this?" He gestured his head towards the white box.

"Consider it a thank you for the other night at the hospital wing." He pushed it towards him and prompted him to take it and hesitantly Regulus did. He had no clue what on earth could be inside, with James Potter it could range from a poorly thought out prank or just a mean gag.

However, he held it as delicately in his hands as James had and slowly opened the top, hoping not to have something jump out at him. His eyes were met with a slice of Victoria sponge, it looked fresh with proper home made crème and powdered sugar on the top. A small fork was placed beside it. Quizzically he looked between the comically large slice of cake and James Potter, his eyes narrowing. He stared at Regulus through innocent as ever eyes though, and Regulus’ gaze dropped.

"Thanks I suppose, Potter." No, that was too nice, "What? Are you trying to fatten me up or something?" He gazed at him.

"Yes." He nodded with a large smile, "Exactly my plan, then you can't run away." He said awfully optimistically.

"Right." He stared between the cake and him, "Well it's going to take some time." He shrugged. He didn't want to engage in this conversation but he also did not want it be by James’ bedside till the sun rose because he almost had a heart attack, he supposed eating cake wasn't that bad of an option.

"That's fine, I'd wait forever for you Regulus." He gazed upon Regulus with this disgusting spark in his eyes. Amortentia truly made people utterly revolting. "So which one is you."

He was lost in being disgusted by James’ very presence, "Huh?"

"Regulus, the star. Which one is it?" He smiled as he asked.

"Oh." He acknowledged, slightly taken aback and also hesitant to engage with him, he looked up at the sky and pointed towards it. "There it is." He hummed.

"Hmm, I can't see it." He said, shuffling up to Regulus a little bit closer. Smooth Potter… real smooth.

"Well, it's currently the brightest one so, you should be able to find it." Regulus enjoyed mocking him however.

"Oh!" He exclaimed with a grin, "Oh there you are." He smiled widely up at the sky, a fondness that seemed to last forever as he admired the star. The star shone in his eyes as he gazed upon it.

'There you are'. It was endearing and that's how he meant it, well that's how the Amortentia meant it. Previously he described the star as ‘it’, but James had addressed the star as if it was the boy sat reluctantly next to him. There was something truly and deeply poetic about viewing a person through the immortal lens of a star, writers would conjure so many poems about this and Regulus, in all honesty, considered it too… but he wasn't true. Amortentia was pathetic not poetic.

Chapter Text

Even though the library was calm and quiet, and Regulus was surrounded by the amount of people he could tolerate, his mind appeared to be somewhere else.

The astronomy tower.

Not particularly anything to do with James Potter or what had happened just last night, he just thought back to the stars and eating cake beneath them. Though he did not want to admit it the cake was delicious but his mind kept wandering back to it. It was his mission to know where James sourced it but starting a conversation with him was dangerous right now. He sat, quill in hand but he wrote nothing, absolutely nothing. He twiddled it about between his index and thumb as he thought back to the strawberry jam and sweet powdered sugar. Usually nothing distracted him from his studies but cake was just one of those things.

"Earth to Regulus." Barty waved an obnoxious hand in front of his face, his voice was loud and rang through his ears slightly painfully. Regulus winced.

Pandora hummed, "His minds wandered off," she smiled, she spoke in a soft hushed tone that was aware of Regulus presence and the pain loud noise brought, "let him exist in this state for a moment. He'll come round eventually." She spoke it so eloquently.

"Merlin, I wish you weren't so cryptic Pandora." Evan scoffed teasingly, not mean though.

Regulus looked up from his hands, "Just because you two have such fragile minds to understand basic English doesn't make it cryptic." He shared a small glance with Pandora, a mutual knowing and a mutual amusement. Sometimes he wondered why they weren't born to the same parents, brother and sister Regulus Black and Pandora Lestrange seemed much more fitting to him. They shared a mind, not a brain cell (unlike Barty and Evan).

"Where hath one's feeble mind pranced off to today?" Barty attempted to imitate Pandoras way of speaking, instead of sounding like a whimsical Ravenclaw he instead sounded like a common impression of William Shakespeare.

"Nowhere." Regulus hummed quickly.

"Hmmmmm." They all said in unison, leaning over the table towards him, knocking a few books off in the process. Evan's smile replaced his gaze of concern, "This by any chance wouldn't have to do with where you were the other evening?" He asked smugly.

"The hospital wing?" He covered, "Why would I think back to that dreadful day?"

Barty shook his head, "No no no! Where were you last night Reggie?"

"Don't call me that." He shook his head at the childish nickname but when he was met by their looks of intrigue he knew he had been caught in a lie, "You know I have my little nights in the astronomy tower." He deadpanned, "I don't see why this is all that interesting to you three."

Evan folded his arms, "Yes yes I know, but you seemed to take your sweet time didn't you? And if I recall you came back with... hmmm what was it? Oh yes..." his devilish smile and smug tone worried Regulus, "powdered sugar! All around your mouth." He exclaimed leaning back in his chair as if Regulus’ secret cover had been blown. Without thinking he lifted a thumb to the corner of my lips to check as if it would still be there from last night. "Ha! Caught you, who were you fine dining with last night Reggie!"

"Don't call me that." He warned much more sternly this time. "I took a slice of cake up to astronomy tower, is that such a crime?"

"He's bullshitting." Pandora said rather bluntly and out of character for her. Curse Pandora and her ability to see straight through people, but he had nothing to hide. He went up alone and came back alone, it wasn't his fault Potter was insistent on finding him every second of the day.

He rolled his eyes, not even beginning to answer when his gaze was pushed off the table to eyes that looked at him with a lot more rage than most : Sirius. He sat at a table with his little group and stared Regulus down, everyone else hadn't even noticed. Not even James, his eyes were focused on Peter and the two were laughing hysterically. Lupin however had, he glanced between Regulus and Sirius worriedly, aware of the tension rising even though they were metres away.

Before he got the chance to look away Sirius stood up rather quickly and stormed over, Lupin's eyes grew wider slightly as he pinched the bridge of his nose in disappointment. Peter and James had took notice now, however James eyes didn't land on Regulus, they watched Sirius tensely. That's how it had always been, James and Sirius and Merlin knows how much he hated him for that. James was the brother Sirius wished he had.

He was dragged up by the collar, locking eyes with Sirius, "What are you playing at huh?!" He had raised his voice for something a little too loud for a library to accept. "What are you doing?"

Regulus didn't panic, he remained collected and calm. Sirius bark was far worse than his bite. “Sirius, what on earth are you-"

"Why is he coming back to the dorm all swoony and obsessed with you?! I swear if I hear 'did you see Regulus today?' 'Did you notice when regulus-' back off! You're not stealing my best friend!" He went on his little rampage.

"Why on earth would I steal Potter from you?"

"Because you're a spiteful hateful person just like Mum and Dad! It's in your blood." The room went silent, dropped to a volume in which you could hear a pin drop. Regulus’ soul faded, he was going low... he was going mean. "You know, you're just like them! Can't let me have a thing! I can see it in your face." He let go of Regulus’ collar and instead pushed him, his back hitting a stone pillar, "I look at you and all I see is them."

"It's not my fault you have unresolved issues Sirius!" Another deathly silence dropped over the room. Why was no one doing anything? Why had Barty not raised his wand? Why has Lupin not dragged Sirius away from him yet?

"Oh wow," he huffed, averting his eyes and pulling his head back, "That's rich. That's real rich coming from you!" He emphasised you, pointing an accusatory finger at Regulus.

"What's that supposed to mean." He spoke with a venom on his tongue, it had sat in the back of his throat for a while, Sirius simply gave him an opportunity to use it.

"You're the one still with them, you're the one still grovelling at Mummy and Daddy's feet for approval. You're just a pure-blood piece of shit like the rest of them." His attacks were brutal and low, unnecessary and shallow. He was hitting where he knew it hurts but Regulus wouldn't let that show.

"You say this as if we didn't dine at the same table. You believe all that shit to! Don't try and be stoic because you found yourself some slightly more dignified mudblood friends. There's still a piece of you in your soul that craves that anger and that hatred. I'm not to blame because you hate that you're still actually on their side." He could go just as low, just as bitter.

"At least I left, I'm trying to make something of myself. But sure, you grow up and be their perfect little boy. You’ll join those fucking death eaters and be a pure-blooded, prejudice piece of shit! When they die you'll take their place and be just as shit as the rest of them. I left, I found a new family."

"You didn't find anything! You ran away! You ran away from all of us because you were too scared, too much of a cowered. You left me in that house, you left me for them!" It wasn't fair on them, they hadn't done anything but his finger angrily pointed over to the Remus Peter and James who sat upright at the table.

"Don't you speak about them like that." He hissed through gritted teeth, "They're more of a family than you ever were."

Regulus lunged at him, so much for staying collected. He was on the ground and Regulus was on top of him, his fist colliding with Sirius’ jaw. Pain shot through his body but he didn't care, he needed humbling and Regulus was there to do it. In desperation Sirius scratched at Regulus’ arms but nothing shook him, his fingernails went to Regulus’ face and neck, leaving marks and small trickles of blood on his cheek and the bridge of his nose.

Everything turned red but Regulus felt arms loop around his, pulling him off and he peered around his shoulder to see Barty. He soon shifted back to Sirius though who was now being restrained by both Lupin and Peter. Like a child Sirius clawed at him and attempted to reach him.

He scowled at him, "You're going to die in that house and you know what? I hope you fucking do. Go on, let her keep burning you and see what fucking happens. You'll wind up broken and dead! You’ve shown your side in this war, I can’t wait for you to fucking die! You’ll die at the hands of truth and justice and no one will regret it." He screamed and Remus furiously scolded him, Peter shocked and Potter stood there in the corner frozen.

Regulus tried to pull himself out of Bartys grasp only to be met with another two sets of arms on his side, "Come one Regulus." Pandora soothed, "He's not worth it. Please just breathe and we'll talk about it."

Regulus’ breathing was still rapid but much more controlled now, "He ruins everything. He left me all alone in that house and has the nerve to call me a cowered." My eyes stung with tears.

As they watched Sirius being pushed out of the library doors their grips on Regulus loosened, "Let's sit down Reg." Evan hummed solemnly, he seemed absolutely befuddled by it all.

Regulus pressed himself slowly on the ground, hunching over. He couldn't even bring himself to walk to a chair, anger had brought a wave of drowsiness over him. "He's right." Regulus paused, staring at his feet, "I am a cowered."

"Oh Reg." Pandora sighed, sliding down to sit beside me, "You know that's not-"

"But what if it is?" Regulus cut through her words, meeting her sympathetic eyes that spoke to his soul. Saying, ‘we are here, you are here’, calm. It brought him back to earth. "I just... well I let them do this stuff. I enable it, maybe if I had left that day with him. Maybe if-"

"Maybe if nothing." Evan huffed, "It wasn't that simple Reg, that's why you're still there. He had no right coming in here and staring something like that. Nothing was true, he attacked your weakest points, everything where he knew it would hurt. He's projecting his own misery and feelings onto you. He's not comfortable with himself clearly."

He went to embrace Regulus but he pushed back, "Please no." He just nodded in understanding.

"I'm just so tired, this wasn't what I wanted. If he would have stayed, if he would have seen what I've had to see he'd understand. They only want the best. If only he'd have stayed around a little longer."

Regulus spent the rest of my afternoon sitting there in an uncomfortable but refreshing silence. None of them dared to leave his side, instead they stayed by him and they just existed in anger, hurt and pain. His mind raced from Sirius to James to his parents to them, everything hurt and was stirring deep inside of him .

Chapter Text

That night was dark, bitter and cold. No matter how tired he was, Regulus was consistently woke up every hour without fail. A few times he would solemnly stare out of the window to view the moon and pass back out but then, an hour later, he would be right back up again. Regulus was drowsy and miserable and he believed it was all Sirius' fault- if not for his ridiculous antics he wouldn't be woken up at these insane hours of the night with a racing mind.

To say he hated Sirius would be wrong, it was much more complex than that. Every single little thing to do with Regulus’ life and family was the same- complicated. Instead of anger it was a burning feeling of betrayal, humiliation and hurt, inheriting his title and pressure when he decided he had enough was just the right amount to make someone crumble. When had the distance grew this much? He could not recall.

Then morning came, his friends had tried to wake him, urge him to come to potions but he couldn't lift a foot out of bed and before he knew it they had left and Regulus was alone with his own sultry thoughts on his bed. Like a slob, he never left that bed that day and instead he was just trapped in this down cast mood. Typically, the weather matched his mood... pouring down with rain, dark and dismal. However he found it soothed him to sleep, allowing him to get some rest in the afternoon.

Shuffling footsteps interrupted his misery. "Has he been like this all day?" Pandora softly spoke, Regulus heard her shift closer, feeling her breath on his neck as she inspected him. The gentle brush of her long hair tickled the side of his neck as it fell when she gazed upon him. Pandora watched Regulus’ face intently, inspecting the bags under his eyes with care.

"Hasn't got out of bed all day, he was tossing and turning all of last night." Evan sighed, "What are we supposed to do? I hate seeing him like this."

"I say we show Sirius a lesson." Barty chuckled to himself however he was all alone in that. Regulus could already sense the daggers he was receiving from Pandora. "Or not then, but yeah like Evan said, what are we supposed to do?"

"Let him rest." Pandora shrugged, lifting the blanket over his shoulders so it slightly covered his nose, she tucked him in like a caring mother would. "As much as he won't want to admit it, yesterday was rough for him it's no wonder he's exhausted. He may not want to speak about it, you know how he is, but if he does come to either of you please embrace it. No silly piss takes, no mocking, just let him talk." She held Regulus’ shoulder with her gentle hand, "Here's the notes from potions," there was a rustle of a piece of paper being placed upon his bedside, "make sure he gets them or he'll be having a new panic attack for a whole new reason."

"Bye Pandora." Evan hummed softly.

"Make sure to get him some food from the kitchen, he's looking paler than his natural shade of paper white." Her jest was taken light heartedly and fully in everyone's stride. After Pandora had left Regulus’ drifted back off into an undisturbed sleep.

The sky was perfectly clear tonight, every little star, even those the furthest away were in perfect view. Many constellations previously invisible now shone brighter than ever. Even though he knew it was dangerous Regulus sat on the rails edge to take it all in. His feet dangled over the edge and every so often he would loose his centre of gravity, falling backwards or forwards, quickly gripping the metal to stay put. It was exhilarating, it was stupid and he wouldn't of actually jumped (that was messy and ridiculous, and if it failed it would be embarrassing) but just the pure unknown of sitting there was enough to make him feel alive again.

His eyes went from above to bellow as he looked bellow him at the jagged rocks miles down that taunted him so delicately. Gentle whispers of breeze were enough to send him swaying off and yet he sat there.

Soft footsteps made their way up the stairs and Regulus sighed in the recognition he was no longer alone, "Regulus?" James jumped slightly at the sudden words, holding tightly onto the rusted metal in order to stay in a position that wasn't falling to his death, "Hey..." it was an awkward and sympathetic greeting.

"Do you actively seek me out?" Regulus rolled his eyes, refusing to return the hey or turn his body around. Instead he fixated his eyes on a star a little north east of the moon, it shone so magnificently tonight.

"Not usually, well that's a lie. But today yes, I wanted to see how you're doing." Merlin, Regulus wished Amortentia didn't make James so careful with him and so very empathetic. ‘Oh please let natural order return soon so he regresses back to his egotistical selfish state’. He thought to himself.

"Oh just leave me alone and pander to Sirius, his egos probably very wounded. I expect he's sobbing in his bed." He taunted, anything for him to turn around on his heel and leave.

"Well... he's a little upset. Him and Remus are being all sappy though, you know how they-" Regulus heard the panicked gasp that arose in James’ voice as his words slipped and something seemed forbidden slipped out, "forget I said anything."

"Believe it or not Potter, before he abandoned me, I was also subjected to the swooning over Lupin." Regulus scoffed. "I see you took my place there."

He grimaced, awkward and tense. Regulus noticed he cracked in uncomfortable situations like this one, "Sirius wouldn't say that. No one's taken your place."

"Sure, that was made very clear and apparent yesterday wasn't it? What was it he said, oh yes... 'they're more of a family than you ever were'. That's right isn't it?" He scowled. Kicking his feet slightly so they hit the bars, letting out a loud ringing.

"Would you like to talk about it? Or do you want me to distract you?" He asked so softly, taking a few careful and delicate steps forward.

"I want to be left alone." Maybe it was a stretch of the truth. Maybe he did enjoy the company a little, just the feeling of sharing space with a living breathing human who listens to hi endless rambling but that appeals to anyone though.

"Do you? Really?" He asked.

"Yes." He deadpanned.

"Hmm, well even if you do, I don't particularly like to leave the people I care about dangling from the astronomy tower." He hummed, taking a few more gentle steps closer, Regulus could see him out of the corner of his eye, hear James’ slow and paced breaths by his ear.

And there was that word again- care. For some reason he knew it would hurt when this all wore off and he went back to not caring about him. Regulus didn't particularly care that it was him, it was just nice to have someone. "Now," he started, leaning in closer, "would you like to get off this great fall waiting to happen?" His lips twitched up, he was not mocking Regulus instead he was lifting the conversation up.

"Not particularly, no." ‘Oh please convince me to get off. Anything please. Give me a reason not to’. Were the words Regulus whispered in his head.

"Well even if not, I'm going to lift you off now. Is that alright?" He asked and Regulus nodded. He gave in and now James’ nimble hands gripped his shoulders as if he were fine china that sat atop the highest shelf. Slowly he lifted Regulus off the rail and placed his feet back on solid ground. He looked down at Regulus with a sympathetic smile.

He pushed past him, "Speak a word of this to anyone and I swear Potter-" He pulled his wand from his pocket and held it against James’ shoulder. "You will not live an easy day for the rest of your life." Regulus threatened and he held his hands up in defence.

He glanced down to his pocket and before Regulus could curse him he pulled out a small box. And then a second. He offered one to Regulus and smiled, "I figured I would get us both a slice today. Then I can see why you like it so much and we can eat under the stars." Regulus’ self pitying and blankly suicidal mood was completely thrown off by this statement, his mind went from brooding and deeply troubled to just... baffled.

He snatched the box from his hands and lowered himself down to sit on the floor, it was cold to the touch and made him shiver slightly. "Where do you get all this cake from?" Regulus meant to let it out with a chuckle however that just did not happen.

"Not telling you." James sat beside him and he cocked his head at his blank refusal, "You would have no reason to put up with my company then." He smiled dumbly.

Well, he couldn’t fault him there as it was completely true. They ate in silence for a moment, he looked between the floor, the cake, the stars and Regulus while Regulus’ eyes were fixed upon Orion's Belt, such a gorgeous and dazzling constellation that shared such a respected and unfortunate name. Silence became their music and Regulus floated between the notes, his mind danced to its syncopated rhythm and his ears interpreted non-existent lyrics.

"Do you think he's right?" James was befuddled by sudden hop into conversation. "About everything, about my family?"

James sighed, sitting up when his body tensed, "While his words may of been laced with a coating of truth I don't think it was true to the core. He spoke about it earlier, saying he knew that those things would hurt. He was just going for low blows."

"I do enable my family though."

James shrugged, his eyes fixing upon Regulus, "You and I both know it's far more complicated than that. Nothing is as black and white as Sirius makes it out to be. He sees these things as good and evil instead of what they truly are." For someone so arrogant he shockingly provided some wisdom.

"And what are things, truly?"

"I like to think of it as counter melodies in a song, it all exists in the same time. Sometimes notes may clash slightly or may lend itself to a certain tempo. There are ups, there are downs. Loud and quiet, some harsh some soft. Do with that analogy what you will."

"I suppose that is a good analogy, makes perfect sense. When did you become so philosophical though Potter?" Regulus chuckled.

"Over the summer I read a muggles poems. I was bored and needed something to do. Made me a bit more existential than I would have liked but I think it did me some good." He hummed, "See! I do have brains somewhere in here." He pointed to his head.

Regulus took his fist and knocked on James’ temple, he shook his head. "Nope. Seems awfully hollow to me."

His jaw dropped and he scoffed, smacking his hand over Regulus’ arm, "Cheeky! I so do have brains! I'm bloody brilliant!"

"And now you're back to your usual moronic self." Regulus leaned his head back against the bars.

They spent the next hour like this, floating between discussion, friendly banter and strange poetic analogies that he didn't know he was even capable of. Though he hate to say it, he did enjoy it, his company was so different from his friends and though Regulus loved them with his whole heart (or what was left of it), this was a nice change of pace. However, Regulus reminded his suddenly feeble mind that it was the company and conversation he enjoyed, not the person it entertained.

Chapter Text

They were all huddled over the Daily Prophet, ogling at the photos and the main headline. Barty looked amazed and impressed while Pandora appeared concerned and hurt, Evan was too busy trying to clamber over Barty's shoulder to see the paper to be able to care.  Every other table was talking about it, whether in amazement or fear, they were talking about it for sure. Some voices were hushed and some were overt. The photo featured snapshots from a crime scene, a gruesome crime scene. A muggle bar had been attacked by death eaters just last night and no one knew why, all they knew and all you could see looming above the bar was the dark mark and what was left at the scene- four dead muggles.

"Wow, honestly it's just so impressive. I can't wait to be one of them." Barty exclaimed, staring down at the photo. "Wouldn't the dark mark just look so cool on my arm?" He pulled up his sleeve and gestured it to Evan who grimaced a bit and rolled his eyes, "Reg, tell him how fit I'd look with the dark mark." Dramatically, he placed his forearm next to his face, tilting his head back.

Regulus also, like Evan, returned Barty’s immaturity with an eye roll.

"Don't you think it's a bit sad? A bit disgusting?" Dorcas spoke up, Pandora nodding with a hum.

Barty rolled his eyes, "Oh don't tell me you're on their side now," he gestured lazily to the Gryffindor table, "we should be honoured to be on this side, we're fighting the good fight."

Pandora shrugged, "I think both sides are bad."

This silenced the table.

She looked around at everyone with a look of confusion, "What? No war is good at all. Especially not when both sides keep insisting on children fighting. I agree with no side here." She held her hands up.

“Fucking women.” Barty muttered, “So emotional about the silliest of things. War is just part of the life cycle, it has to happen.”

Evan practically ignored the both of him and brought up something entirely new to ease the awkward tension, "When are you getting your dark mark Reg?" He eyed me, "I assume you'll be the first out of all of us, considering your family's connections and all." The group stared down at him, awaiting his response with intrigue.

"I'm not sure." They deflated in let down, Pandora seemed to slightly perk up though in the uncertainty, as if it meant that the mark would never have a place on his arm, "I'm awaiting a letter from my mother about it, I suppose soon. Possibly in the first half term break after this Christmas. Or possibly Easter."

"So cool." Barty grunted, "We're gonna be actually death eaters!" Pandora and Dorcas didn't seem too happy with Barty's excitement however, "Wait..." he pulled himself closer to Regulus, holding uncomfortable eye contact, "Does Sirius have the mark? If he's older than you then he must? Tell us Reg, does that do-gooder Gryffindor have the mark?"

"I-" He panned his head around to see them all staring at him, Barty with excitement, Evan with confusion and Pandora and Dorcas with concern. "No," he paused, holding his head down and trying not to think too far back to that day, "that's- that's why he left. That's why he left to be with the Potters." Regulus broke Barty's eye contact to gaze at the Gryffindor table.

Sirius had that look in his eyes, talking or perhaps comforting Lupin whose eyes were darting wildly between his friends, a look of concern. Perhaps it was to do with the attack, or perhaps not?

"Let's bloody hope they go after that blood traitor next." Barty scoffed and Regulus head snapped back, he didn’t know why. He did not care for Sirius one bit, not at all, never after he left did Regulus think the name ‘Sirius’ again. Yet the words struck an angry chord in him, his eyes narrowed and everyone spotted his sudden burst of... well rage.

Dorcas hit him in the shoulder, making him wince, "You fucking bastard!" She exclaimed, drawing the attention of a few other Slytherin, "You know we don't discuss that shit here, don't talk about shit you don't know!" Then next she spoke in a hushed tone, "just because he's a so called 'blood traitor' doesn't mean he still isn't Reg's brother, which means you have no right to say that shit about him."

Regulus glanced at Dorcas, giving her a weak smile and she nodded knowingly in return. Barty looked between all of them with his mouth hanging wide open, scoffing and rolling his eyes like a spoiled toddler who had just been told no, or a celebrity who had been completely and utterly humbled, "Jeez." He sunk back in his seat and folded his arms like a child, "Struck a nerve there."

Regulus pushed his breakfast away from him, "I'm not hungry." He stood up and began to walk away. They all (except for Barty) looked up at him in concern.

As he was walking Barty scoffed, "Fine be that way, go and sob to your blood traitor brother."

Regulus halted, glaring at him and watching as Dorcas' mind fumbled with how to bash his skull in discreetly. "It's too early for this shit." He fixed his robes and he walked away, down into the corridors. The excruciating squeak of the bench on the floor rung out in the hall and he heard a few foot steps behind him, following him.

He stormed out of the great hall and as soon as he was out of eye and earshot his foot collided with the wall, "Fucking bastard!" He exclaimed partly from the newfound pain in his foot and also the misplaced anger towards Barty. He pressed his fingers into the brick and lowered his forehead to slightly graze against it.

"Oh Reg." He heard Pandoras voice sigh, "Come here." She coddled him and brought him into a tight embrace, from her shoulder he saw Dorcas who exchanged a look of sympathy with him. She pulled away delicately, still holding onto his shoulders, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." His eyes narrowed as he tried his best to cover his obvious discontent, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"It's fine to be angry Reg." Dorcas sighed, bringing herself closer, "He said some really shitty things that weren't okay."

He shook his head, "They were all true things. I'm not angry, I had just finished my breakfast and needed to get to transfigurations early... to study." Regulus quickly added when he saw their faces which lacked in belief.

Dorcas shook her head, "You're not okay, we know that and it's fine. Even if you think these things about Sirius there is no denying he's your brother, you will naturally have some emotions regarding him no matter what. It's okay to be concerned with what people are saying about him."

"Well, I don't." He hummed contently. It was a slight lie, he couldn't deny that the words Barty had spoke didn't fester anger in his core, the main problem is that he wanted to prove him wrong and he just couldn't.

"Oh Reg." Pandora looked upon him as if he was something broken, something that needed fixing, "I do hope one day you'll open up to us. You know you can. We want you to be able to tell us these things, we hate seeing you like this." Her smile was bitter sweet.

There was another slam of the great hall door and he looked across to see James' face, staring at him -and only him- in a pure concern.

Pandora and Dorcas took their eyes off James and looked back at Regulus. Pandora sighed, "Be careful," she said, "don't go wondering into the forest tonight." She said as if it meant something.

Pandora was awfully cryptic, she often said things that came true, or partially came true. She said they came to her in daydreams or just dreams, maybe they were predictions. Maybe they were warnings. "Pands what do you-" but then they we're gone.

James shuffled in front of him, leaning back on the wall opposite to Regulus, "Are you... okay? I saw you storm out there."

"I'm fine." He hissed.

James shrugged, "I just thought, maybe after the other night-"

Regulus quickly strode over to him, taking his wand out of his pocket and holding it threateningly against the skin in between his chin and neck, he looked taken aback. "Last night meant nothing!" Regulus forced out between gritted teeth. "Don't talk to me about that, you had ears and I wanted to talk, that was all. Don't think we have some weird found friendship." Regulus knew he was misplacing his anger and taking out the mornings events on James and yet he didn’t stop. Sometimes anger had to be diffused onto someone else- he had always thought. "Don't you dare tell anyone about last night, or I swear to Salazar Slytherin I will-"

"Whoah, whoah, whoah?" He furrowed his eyebrows, "I would never do that Regulus. I was glad you spoke to me. Especially after what I just heard Pandora say."

He pushed the wand slightly deeper into James’ neck, just enough to make him wince in pain, "You don't know shit. Get out! Just leave me alone!" Regulus also hoped in his mind that this moment wouldn’t be one where James’ heart would weaken, he couldn’t take a visit to Pomfrey again.

He held up his hands in defence and slowly shuffled away from Regulus, "Sorry." He muttered, making his way back into the great hall.

When the door slammed shut once more Regulus’ foot collided with the wall again, then his fist. "Stupid-" he hit the wall with each word, "fucking- Potter!" He collapsed onto the floor in exhaustion.

"Are you okay Mr Black?" Regulus looked up from the shoes before him and up to her face.

He straightened his back, "Perfectly fine Professor McGonagall. Just needed to de-stress."

Her lips pressed into a thin line and appeared as if she wanted to say something but she knew best not to. She hummed and nodded and turned back to go into the great hall.

Perfectly fine.

His mind played that moment on a loop all day, every single lesson he sat thinking about the way he spoke to James. Why did he even care? Perhaps he was worried that if he left him alone with that conversation in his head James would get himself killed over it. Merlin, he wished he had never signed up to this Amortentia deal, life would be a whole lot easier. Instead of going to the great hall for dinner he went to the library, to clear his mind and avoid Barty.

He walked through the shelved books slowly, allowing some of the titles to sink into his memory so he could read them later, he glanced at some display cases with awards. Quidditch awards, excellent student awards, teacher awards. Slowly he read through the names, McGonagall was on a quidditch trophy, there were other names such as: David Copper, Elizabeth Ruling, Tom Riddle, Lucy Batting. None stood out all that much, just general awards.

When turning away he blinked and turned straight back, Tom Riddle's had caught my eye. Such a strange award for such a strange reason, 'Awards for special services', he’d simply never heard of that one before. Maybe he should look into it?

Regulus walked further, taking his spot in a seat by the window and taking my book out. Though he could not read as the sun set awfully fast and the moon was on full display. So instead of reading he peered out the fogged up window and out at the moon, it was a full moon and Regulus thought it was gorgeous. There was not a single cloud in the sky and with the stars by its side it shone even brighter, dazzling and beautiful.

While he was admiring, his mind had wandered back to that morning and he thought it was probably best to speak to James, just to clear the air and make sure he doesn't die from tragic heartbreak. Quickly he closed his book that he hadn't even began to read and made his way to the Gryffindor common room. His mind fiddled with ways to possibly get in but he couldn't rack up any. This proved however to not be a problem when he bumped into James before the doors leading to the courtyards.

"Oh. Regulus." He said, almost astounded. He looked behind Regulus’ shoulder anxiously as if he was looking for someone.

"Look, about today I would like to-" Regulus began.

"Right yeah sorry but I'm kind of in a rush, can I speak about whatever this is tomorrow?" He asked, peering over his shoulder again.

Regulus narrowed his eyes, "Are you still bloody pissed at me?" He asked in disbelief, "My word, I said one bad word to you and-"

"No no!" He shook his head, "Nothing like that, it's just tonight I need to be with my friend, he's going through a tough time."

Regulus was not jealous, he knew that for sure. However he was confused, James was under Amortentia... he's supposed to be completely and utterly obsessed with him and instead he's being rational. Perhaps it's a sign that the potion is wearing off? Merlin, he hoped so.

"I promise I'll speak about whatever is wrong with you, just in the morning please." He had a hurried bounce in his step as he passed him, pushing open the grand courtyard doors and leaving, rushing off into the cool night.

Regulus, defeated, pressed his back against the wall, it was cold from the night air and sent a shiver down his spine. Though he wanted to be sympathetic to James he- wait why was he going outside? Regulus pushed himself back off the wall and quickly made his way to the doors, pushing them open in order to find James. He looked out and saw nothing of him in the courtyard except for a rustle in the trees of the forbidden forest.

Maybe it was stupid, maybe it was an act of care but he followed it, only in hopes to see James. To get a word in. Bitter night air stung his pale cheeks and left a ruby tint on them, wind blew his robes back dramatically and puddle water seeped into his polished leather shoes, making his walk uncomfortable and squelchy. When reaching the forbidden forest Regulus paused to think for only a moment before using his hands to push branches out of his way, acquiring a few scratches from the thorns that lined them.

When the trees concealed the moonlight from him he pulled his wand from his robe pocket and muttered 'lumos' to illuminate the path in front of him. He stared down at his feet as he walked until he heard a loud yet somehow hushed sound of breathing. He turned to the right, where the breathing was to and was met with a sight that would haunt him forever.

Before him stood an eight foot tall, enraged beast, a werewolf even, that looked at him with hunger in its pulverising yellow eyes. Regulus’ eyes however filled up with abject terror. Stupidly, he froze up, not even being able to take a small step back. To his relief it also did not move an inch though, sounds of twigs snapping filled pierced through Regulus though as a large black dog came running playfully round the corner around the corner. If a dog could look unconcerned, this one certainly did. Then it spotted Regulus. And if a dog could look concerned... this one certainly did. It barked and barked ferociously, only angering the werewolf more.

Finally he was able to take a step back however the werewolf lunged at him, managing to get a deep scratch that tore his button shirt and skin open, maroon pouring from the wound, before being knocked down to the floor by the dog. Wildly the dog cried and the werewolf howled in a ferocious attempt to return its claws to Regulus’ skin.

His mind was racing and his heart was beating out of my chest, his level of fear had been unmatched and yet he simultaneously felt no fear. At least if he were to die here he would not have to go home for the holidays, he would not have to see his mother or my father. He would not have to see where he would be by the end of this war, whether he was dead or living prosperously as head of the black house- a mark of shame forever engraved on his pale forearm. Regulus wondered if James was in here somewhere and if he was safe, why on earth would he come here?

Regulus knew now (in his hour of peril) was not the time for these thoughts but luckily he felt a light brush on my shoulder that shook him out of his skin and a stag staring deeply at him and his wound. Could stag's stare or have empathy or ever worry? Miraculously, or maybe it was just because of the blood loss, it lifted Regulus upon its densely furred back and galloped through the forest, slow enough to keep Regulus stable and without coughing up blood but fast enough to lose sight of the werewolf. Regulus was practically delirious when the stag gently rested him on the ground, lying between blades of grass coated with morning dew. He lay there, half helpless, as it galloped away into the night of the full moon.

Regulus slipped in and out of consciousness and watched as the sun rose, he tried to pull myself up, he really did but he just couldn't. Before he knew it though, Madame Pomfrey was helping him up worried and busy, placing him upon a stretcher to escort him to the infirmary.

She gently tended to him as he felt his eyes blink shut and Regulus fell out of consciousness.

Chapter Text

Awaking in the infirmary was not how Regulus had planned his Wednesday morning to go but as he slowly pried my eyes open, rubbing sleep from his drowsed eyes, the light fading in and out, he saw Pomfrey watching over him with a look of discontent washed over her face, he’d been all to familiar with people’s faces of discontent as of late from more than just his parents. Seeing his eyes open though her tense body relaxed and her eyes came to life again, surveying me up and down, "Thank Merlin you are alright Mr Black." She smiled gleefully, "How are you feeling?"

Blink.

"Um, fine? How did I... why am I here." Slowly memories of last night forced their way through his mind but not enough to place anyone detail or person in a way that painted a full picture. He simply remembered the feeling of coarse umber fur under his bleeding hand, fur that had carried him delicately to safety. The stag.

"You were severely injured, a large lash down the front of your chest." It all flooded back to Regulus in crashing waves, "You had lost quite a lot of blood, if not for Mr Potter here you could have been paralysed, or much worse- dead." Regulus didn't even bother to pay mind to that latter part because Pomfrey drew Regulus’ attention to the boy sat in a creaky infirmary chair. He peered curiously over her shoulder to see James sitting in the chair, head in his hands, fast asleep- looking as if he had only just drifted off a mere hour ago, he stirred and groaned as if in the midst of a terrible nightmare. Regulus glanced outside the window to see the sun high in the sky, had he and James been here all night?

"Right we'll," Regulus pushed himself up from the bed, "Thank you Madame Promfey, if you don't-"

"Where on earth are you going?!" She gently lay him back down onto the bed, careful to not disrupt his healing, "You almost died last night, you need some rest. You will be staying in this bed all day Mr Black and I won't hear anything about it." She protested.

"But, I have classes? I can't miss them? My exams are only in a-"

"Oh hush, I'm sure you'll catch up in no time. You're the smartest of your year.” She reassured him. A reassurance he’d never felt before, typically he was never good enough for his parents despite his efforts. “Now, just lie back and relax. Have a well deserved break." Regulus hesitantly shuffled as if her kindness was a trick, wincing at a pain that stung his front, "I have other patients to attend to, I've left some medicine on your bedside. When you feel ready please drink it." She smiled warmly before promptly turning her back and walking off in a direction where Regulus could not see her.

Regulus knew it was unreasonable but he was so angry with James, nonsensically angry at him. He had saved his life like the hero he had always wanted to be, but if Regulus had just of been left deserted in that courtyard last night maybe he would have known a peace that had been forever foreign to him. Selfish he knew that much, but he would not have to engage in this war that had forever plagued his life, friends and family, he would not have to pick the side he was destined to ally with and fight for what's deemed right, he wouldn't mind living in an eternity of limbo, forever nowhere but forever tranquil- existing without hate and anger, love and lust, sadness and woe. Regulus really wouldn't have minded all that much to die if it meant being free from the earthly shackles that was his life and instead becoming part of the wider universe. His pain would cease, others pain would cease and that would be the end of it.

Though he thought all this, there was still that flicker of hope unwillingly inside his core. What had often remained just a spark was now a small crackling flame inside of him and Regukus chose to blame the boy over there in that chair, he dreamed James responsible for this new found (and utterly ridiculous) optimism. He would never admit this to anyone, but James' optimistic outlook on life had fuelled that small little flicker of light inside of him recently. Gracefully, it gave him a reason to look for something to live for, he hadn't quite found it yet but he was looking for it.

Unexpectedly, Regulus was pulled from his morbid contemplations of suicide and death when James stirred in his chair, shifting slightly as he sighed and groaned. His face contorted from relaxation to agony and stress and the sounds he made reflected that. Regulus sat still, it was the only thing he could do and ever did, Regulus carefully watched as James’ doe like eyes slowly opened staring around the floor then darting around until they landed on the main subject in the room- Regulus. A deep sense of panic washed over his face and he appeared to be in a state of fear or... self hatred? He gasped, jumping up from the chair and whizzing over to Regulus’ bedside, "Oh Merlin, sorry I fell asleep, I wanted to stay awake for you. Oh Merlin are you alright?" His concern was scary, Regulus reminded himself that it was just the Amortentia talking and he wasn't sure whether that made James’ words better or worse. If the genuine care was genuine maybe he would be happy but it wasn't, it was aided by a potion and that stirred up feelings inside of Regulus that he wasn't ready to unpack yet. But then again if the concern was authentic maybe he’d be disgusted.

"Fine."

"Merlin Reggie you're not fine-"

"Don't call me that." Regulus blanked, echos of the nickname flooding his mind causing a mild headache.

"Sorry yes yes. But you're not fine, you got bloody attacked last night!" He exclaimed, gesturing to his bare chest that was tightly bound with bloodied bandages, bandages that had friction that burnt when he so much as coughed. His hands were shaking from what Regulus wanted to assume was his lack of sleep but knowing Potter it was probably a mix of many other things unfamiliar to Regulus, deeply rooted in emotions, those types of unfamiliar things.

"Yes, I suppose I was." He glanced down at the his eyebrows knitting and his stomach going queasy as he looked down upon the gory sight, "I hear you were quite the hero. How on earth did you find me?" Regulus’ eyes narrowed, recalling James’ shifty demeanour he had witnessed the night before as he ran into those woods.

He flustered, "Oh well. I was out on a walk with that... that friend and I just spotted you on the grass. I alerted Poppy immediately. You looked really really injured."

"Well congrats on having two functioning eyes, real talent you have there." Regulus turned his head on the pillow to face away from James’ two functioning eyes.

"Would it kill you to be nice for once?" He chuckled.

"Yes, I have a severe deathly allergy to petty acts of kindness to people like you."

Regulus hear James stir in his chair, letting out sigh. He knew he pushed the boundaries with the Gryffindor but he very clearly presented himself as unkind and anyone who was to remain optimistic was foolish. "Well I suppose I can't blame you there."

"Shouldn't you be in lesson?" Regulus’ sound was muffled by his feather pillow but James was listening as attentively as usual so Regulus’ words would have been hard to miss. He took a few steps forward, closer to the bed now, a lot closer than Regulus had wanted him. He heard every breath that he exhaled, possibly even the pounding of James’ over worked heart.

"I should be, Poppy said the same thing. She couldn't get me to leave though, she gave up after a while. And so here I am." Regulus turned around to face him and he waved his hands as if he was presenting himself to Regulus, proud and hopeful.

Regulus rolled his eyes, "Poppy." He mimicked him, "I suppose you come here often." He chuckled and chose to blame the chuckle on the sedatives he’d been given. Regulus black notoriously did not laugh genuinely, obscene behaviour for the wall like persona he’d spent years meticulously crafting for his defence.

"Yes, I suppose I do." He spoke, mimicking Regulus’ own choppy irritated tone, as he smiled, ear to ear like a child. His happiness invoked angered somewhere deep in Regulus, what he would do to see James Potter get underwhelmed or even possibly angered by something. Maybe that was sadistic of him, or Regulus just being his usual self that was a bit too pessimistic and negative, however he was willing to offer anything to the universe for disappointment to one way reach James Potter in the most devastating of ways.

"Potter?" He asked, the subtle call of his name got his attention, his eyes lit up with something that Regulus could have laughed at as he awaited for what James was going to say. "Please leave me alone." His smile dropped so suddenly and he nodded and nodded to the point it was getting incredibly concerning. Rapidly, he blinked his eyes almost as if he was blinking back tears, "I'll speak to you soon." Regulus added quickly in worry of James fainting right there on the spot like he had before, "I just need to rest."

"Yes yes, of course." He firmly nodded one last time and awkwardly shuffled away. As he made his way to the door he would occasionally stumble or trip and then turn around to awkwardly wave at Regulus with a ditsy smile plastered on his face. Occasionally, his shoe would squeak a little too loud and he would turn to apologise by raising his hand. Regulus watched the chaotic spectacle in amusement and sighed as soon as the door slammed shut.

He could now only hear the sound of his breath, the infirmary was practically empty except for a bed opposite Regulus that had a curtain drawn over it and Madame Pomfrey (or Poppy as James liked to address her as) had gone off to the potions classroom to pick something up from Slughorn. And so now the only noise he could hear was the gentle clicking of a clock and his slightly uneven and overwhelmed breathing. Though Regulus did not get them often, he took pleasure in moments like this- when the world wasn't turned up to eleven and everything was bearable. He loathed nothing more than the sound of life and people, now he got to exist in a state of selfish desire of which he thoroughly enjoyed.

Selfish was perhaps a word to describe Regulus, he can't even pretend that he wished it wasn't as that would be a total lie. It would of been selfish to die and let Potter hands be stained with his crimson blood, it would be selfish to leave his parents without an heir to the family name, it would be selfish to leave his friends behind and not even say good bye but the overwhelming urge to end all of this was strong. It was selfish of him to think these things when James Potter was tending to a small fire inside of him, it was selfish to give him Amortentia. What wasn't selfish though was the feeling that when it's all worn off he would be back to where he had started his school year, without someone to truly care for him.

He loved Barty, Evan, Dorcas and Pandora with all his heart but he have never shared a conversation like the one he had with James that night in the astronomy tower, with any of them. Pandora and Regulus got close and although it wasn't malicious and was purely innocent, she was away with the fairies and sometimes just couldn't care less about what Regulus had to say. But with Barty and Evan it never even became an option, talking to them about anything was too risky, too much of a compromise to Regulus’ reputation- perhaps his father is to blame for that one. Regulus knew James was telling him everything he wanted to hear, he knew that all too well, but it was just so nice to share space with someone who he could speak to in such a way he had never spoke to anyone. Maybe wanting to keep James for himself and his personal use was selfish. Regulus was left with a restlessness in his stomach, a pondering, asking himself how someone he hated so strongly was someone he sought after.

These thoughts were interrupted when Pomfrey came back and shifted the curtain from around the bed that was opposite to Regulus, "How are you feeling Remus." Her warm smile radiated down upon him and lit up the room as it typically did.

"Great." Remus smiled up at her a little delirious, Regulus assumed he was also on some heavy sedatives as he blinked as if he had only just discovered what blinking was- almost frog like. You couldn't tell whether the purple marks under his eyes were bags or bruises and either would be equally as concerning. Regulus didn't even have to closely inspect his face to see the large slash across his left cheek and a few smaller, a more shallow scratch placed upon his forehead. Was he in the forbidden forest too last night? "Are you okay there Regulus?" He nodded towards him and Regulus jumped, noticing now Pomfrey had disappeared yet again.

Rapidly Regulus nodded, "Mhm, yeah." They descended into an awkward silence of occasional glances at each other, both on the same level of confusion and judgement,  "Werewolf get you too huh?" He asked trying to break this silence.

He huffed to himself, soon keeling over in pain though as a result of it, "Yeah I guess you could say that." His smile was soft and exhausted. They slipped back into a tense air for a while, sitting like that for at least ten minutes. Regulus would occasionally take the liberty to inspect Remus’ torn face which was riddled with dirt and scratches and bruising, and he would return this with looks at Regulus bandaged chest and arms. Mutual glancing and intrigue. "I know it's not my place to say but it kills me when Sirius is like this all in a mood, it kills everyone's mood so I'm going to say it- Sirius was so deeply upset the other day. He hasn't come out of his misery coma, he goes to lesson and then straight back to bed, it's excruciating to watch."

’Sirius was upset? He was upset?’ Regulus thought to himself. Regulus was outraged that he had the audacity to feel sorry for himself after the scene he’d caused in the library. "Yes I'm sure he's seething in his dorm and already thinking up plans to get your and your little friends to make me pay. I'm aware that he hates me, what's new?" Regulus huffed, avoiding any eye contact with the tiresome boy laying down before him, instead his eyes gazed at the floor which Regulus now noticed had recently been cleaned as it gleamed a lot more than his previous visit with James Potter.

"No." Remus shook his head, and spoke tiredly, "No he's not upset with you. He was angry at himself." He clarified, almost reminiscing to a conversation Regulus assumed they had the other night.

"Oh man, Sirius is upset with himself because he had a few more low blows to throw at me and didn't get the time. Or is he upset because he didn't manage to out enough about our childhood in front of everyone? Must be really difficult for him." Regulus had promised himself and all of his friends (even an unspoken mutual agreement with James) that he would let this go but he was bitter and rotten inside so instead of letting it go he let it fester inside of himself, something he had learnt from his parents since a child.

Lupin rolled his eyes, the act looking painful and overly tiring, "You're not listening. He's so angry with himself for saying all that cods wallop .He would hate that I'm telling you this," he spoke to himself in a thought, "but he broke down when we reached the dorm. Saying that he was becoming like them, your parents, he told me that was the kind of thing that they pull." He took a moment and a breath when he finished his sentence and then sighed, "He cares about you, he hates being like that, like them."

"You know nothing about my parents." Regulus pushed out through his teeth, "You and Sirius. He left because he couldn't handle the truth, he didn't know them at all." Hate rose in tight and tense throat like burning bile.

Remus pressed his lips together in a thin line, furrowing his eyebrows and releasing yet another sigh, "You're just like him you know?"

"I am not." Regulus stared blankly at him.

"You are." He nodded and spoke gently, "Before he ran away he was just like you. He would defend your parents till his voice went hoarse, he spoke with the same bitter hatred you have, he held them on the highest of podiums. But then he began to crack and these waves of hatred came over him, there were days where he was incapable of doing anything but feeling anger towards them, he misplaced all this anger onto us." He paused and spoke a separate thought, "I hope you never have to go through that," and then he went back to what he was speaking about, "Eventually this emotion settled down as he found himself and lived with the Potters." Regulus tensed at the name, at the mention of all that. "He became content with his emotion, I still think he hates them but I think he hates them now because they have you. He wants his little brother back Regulus."

Regulus would not cry, crying would be ridiculous. Though he wished Remus would leave so he could have some small sense of emotional release. Regulus knew (and he assumed Remus knew too) that for the rest of his life those words would be engraved in his mind, 'he wants his little brother back' would be played on a loop for the foreseeable future and he writhed at that fact. He hated the power Remus’ words had over him and he hated the power Sirius had over him. He despised it. Regulus couldn't care less if he wanted his little brother, he should of thought about that before running off to live out his life and leaving Regulus with the responsibilities that were supposed to be his.

Lupin watched Regulus with an emotion he couldn't quite pin down (no matter how much he wanted to) perhaps it was empathy or pity, or perhaps it was grief. Whatever it was he didn't not desire to concern himself with it, "He can want his little brother all he wants, he won't be getting him back."

He rested his head upon his pillow again, Regulus watched as he softly closed his eyes, "I hope you find peace in your life Regulus, I hope you get the love you deserve." And just like that, he was gone. He had drifted off to sleep once more leaving Regulus with harsh but slightly comforting words for him to ponder with for the rest of the afternoon. Regulus knew Lupin was a voice of reason, out of Sirius’ group he had always respected the tall boy the most, especially considering Remus’ ability to mediate, but the desire to ignore every word he said was strong. Almost like a devil and an angel perched themselves on Regulus’ shoulders and spoke to him like parrots.

However, the part wanting to accept Remus’ delicately chosen words as truth was steadily brewing and volume, over taking Regulus’ doubt which he typically grasped onto for comfort.

Chapter Text

"Honestly I'm scared." Regulus heard the soft whisper of Evan’s anxious voice at his bedside, speaking in low hushes as it was quite late in the evening, the clock reading ten past ten the last time Regulus had checked, "Everyone's so insistent on the dark mark and all that, especially Barty, you know how he is... trying to get back at his father. I'm not saying I'm against it, it's just well... I had bigger plans for after war than going straight to a battle field." Regulus’ eyes had remained closed when Evan had walked into the infirmary and started whispering at Regulus bedside, Regulus he hadn't even acknowledged him, he just kept talking. "It's stupid, but why couldn't they just have waited a year or two?" He sighed, "I don't like this but I hope you manage to stay in this coma for the rest of the war. It'll be easier on you."

Regulus eyes snapped open and Evan's face changed, looking as if he'd seen a ghost, "I'm not in a coma Evan?!" Regulus pushed himself to sit up, feeling a slight burn in his side. "Who on earth told you I was in a coma?" If it wouldn’t have hurt to he would of let out a laugh, Evan's face was enough to send the stern, moody and equilibrium that was Regulus into hysterics.

"Oh well..." he thought for a moment, "no one. You weren't responding so I presumed-"

"I was ignoring you because I want to go to bloody sleep." He pulled a pillow over his head and groaned, feeling the oxygen he deprived from his body. It felt like the moment he had been admitted to the infirmary all people wanted to do was talk his head off and all Regulus wanted to do was sleep, or get the slightest bit of rest.

"Oh, I'll go then." He stood up and turned around, suddenly pausing though turning to face Regulus, "Did you hear all that?" He furrowed his eyebrows, knowing his speech was bordering on the thoughts of a blood traitor, certainly dangerous words to speak in front of someone who is destined to inherit the title of lord Black, dangerous words to speak around someone so close to practically being Voldemort's right hand man, doing all his dirty work. Though they did not have time for fear in a war like this, Evan was sixteen, to not fear this war would he insane.

Regulus generously decided to give him peace of mind instead of the truth, "Only the part about being in a coma for the war." Regulus attempted to smile, coming out unnatural and forced, "Merlin I wish I was too." Regulus Matching his level seemed to relieve him from stress as he let out a sigh, his brows untangling.

He nodded suddenly, "Cool cool. I'll see you tomorrow." and with that he left. Leaving him, finally alone in the infirmary that was silent. To Regulus it felt like a point frozen in time.

Lupin, earlier in the day had blagged to Poppy that he was perfectly fine and could most defiantly leave now and she gave in, Regulus had tried the same but instead the response was ‘no’ and then a few mutters of 'Walburga would have my head on a silver platter' under her breath when she thought Regulus couldn't hear her. So now it was just him, no one had been admitted so he lay on a stiff bed in the cold draughty hospital wing. Lupin had very politely left a book for him, for the first time in his life he could not find the strength to move his arm to pick it up- he did not know whether it was the potions she'd given to him to reduce the pain or just raw emotion but he was completely knackered.

The infirmary was completely empty, even a small sound would echo throughout the room and that's how he heard the incessantly irritating sound of shuffling feet. Rapidly, glanced around the room rapidly taking his wand in hand and muttering 'lumos', but it was to no avail- he saw no one. Not a single figure looking or creeping in the dark hours of the night. Perhaps it was just some rats or mice, or some students outside.

"Boo!"

Regulus nearly jumped out of his skin from the voice that boomed in his right ear. His head snapped immediately round like an owl to see James Potter standing too close to his bed- another small white cardboard box in his hands. Would he ever run out of cake? Regulus thought to himself. "Merlin," He pressed a hand over his heart, "How on earth are you always sneaking up on me?" He rolled his eyes.

"Not vigilant enough I guess Regulus." He shrugged and took a seat on the creaky wooden chair next to his bed. "I brought you this." He extended his hand and placed the small box in Regulus’ blanketed lap.

Regulus shifted to sit up, "Where does your supply come from?" He glanced down at it, "My poor teeth are rotting as we speak."

He shrugged, "It cheers you up doesn't it?" He asked and though Regulus must admit it did lift his mood a small bit he would never tell him that, instead he just narrowed his eyes at the boy while opening the box to reveal yet another slice of Victoria sponge.

"Why are you here?"

James looked taken aback, he seemed used to Regulus’ blunt nature but this had clearly taken him by surprise. "I really like you Reggie."

"Don't call me that." Were the first words he spoke almost instantaneously, "And don't say that, you do not." He was firm, Regulus had to check with himself quickly to make sure this was a reminder for James and not himself. Regulus shook off the thought and landed on it being for James.

"But I do! You're just so lovely."

"Are you delusional? When on this forsaken planet have I been lovely, especially lovely to you James?" He raised an eyebrow while raising the fork to his mouth delicately.

"You don't have to be explicitly nice to be lovely, you just are... lovely." He spoke with a fondness that looked as if it had been ten years in the making. While he spoke his eyes lit up with that same fondness, Amortentia is a truly magnificent thing was what Regulus had discovered this week.

"Right, sure." He glanced off to the side, gazing upon the well loved book Remus had left for him.

"Do you no realise how lovely you are? Because you should." He spoke up. Regulus was sure this conversation was going to end him, if not the pain in his chest. "You're wonderful Reggie."

"Stop calling me that." Regulus blinked at him, forcing the words from his throat and through sharp, razor like teeth.

"Why?" He spoke warmly and with a wide smile on his face, "Does it make you blush?" He practically giggled and Regulus practically hurled (story of his life he supposed).

"No." Regulus thought back to the times that nickname had been used, the cold Christmas’, the garden play times. He shuddered.

"Why don't you like it then? Can't stand it being said by such a beautiful face?"

"Stop it."

"Then why don't you-"

"It's what Sirius used to call me," He stupidly blurred out. Regulus lashed himself internally for even revealing something remotely personal in front of James Potter, "before he ran away of course." He sucked his teeth and let out a long sigh, he was being far too open with James Potter and Merlin knows he didn't like how quickly he surrendered this information to the boy.

"Oh." He froze, "Merlin, sorry I... I'm just sorry." He paused, staring at Regulus for a shameful moment, never leaving him, they traced over his silhouette as if to study it as if Regulus would vanish in the next second, "Would you want to talk about it?" He leaned towards Regulus, opening his body language urging Regulus to speak with him.

"To you Potter? Absolutely not." He placed the remainder of the cake on his bedside as it became too sickly to manage and folded his arms.

He pouted, "You can if you want."

"I don't want to Potter."

"James."

"What?" Regulus glanced as James watched him, awfully intently. To Regulus it felt like an inspection, his eyes gazed upon him with the intention of discovering something new. Truth be told Regulus knew he wouldn't like what he would find.

"Call me James."

"Fine." Regulus huffed, "I don't want to talk about this with you..." he swallowed his resentful pride, "James."

His face lit up, "There you go! That wasn't so hard was it. I knew-"

He was cut off by the sound of footsteps in the corridor outside. His eyes widened, "Bloody hell! Poppy's gonna kill me if she sees me here." He shuffled around the floor looking for something so obviously not there. "What am I going to do?"

Regulus considered himself smart, sensible even, his friends regarded him as the best problem solver and so inherently he was left with their homework. Regulus considered himself to be level headed and never panic. Regulus considered himself someone who made reasonable, not utterly mad suggestion. Regulus did not consider himself as someone who would leap and say; "Get under my blanket!" To James Potter, his brother’s best friend of which he had a parasocial hatred towards. He had barely even taken the time to consider options and had landed straight on the most utterly embarrassing one. He prayed the universe would punish him for his foolishness and swallow him whole.

James lost all words (not that he had many in his head to begin with) and blinked twice, “Do you really think-“ he began in a panic however when the footsteps came closer he soon obliged and crawled under the thin linen white blanket, placing his forehead against Regulus’ chest, Regulus froze and his breathing halted as he tried to shut his mind off in the moment. James’ legs tangled with Regulus’ as he tried to make his feet unseen and concealed by the beige blanket that was outlining his body pressed against Regulus’.

Regulus considered himself utterly stupid sometimes.

Footsteps rapidly approached and the sound of the door handle echoed throughout the room, both of the boys held their breath in anticipation, feeling the inhale of the other on their neck. They both tensed as they heard the door slam shut and Madame Pomfrey's footsteps created a very intense atmosphere in the room, or perhaps below the confinement of the blanket was the more fitting phrase. Small gentle clinking of glass bottles, a few draws being opened and close, curtains being adjusted and a few satisfied hums. All this time and through all the noises James and Regulus jumped at, Regulus’ arm awkwardly hovered above James' waist as he refused to lower it, he could feel the brunettes rapid breath against his shoulder and felt a shudder inside of his stomach.

With all situations Regulus could have gotten into this year, the ones he had been in his past few weeks certainly weren't ones he had ever planned on. These were the chaotic events that took place in works of fiction, or something Barty would lie about to make himself seem much cooler and much more of a lady magnet than he actually was.

The infirmary door slammed shut once more and the two relaxed, James however didn't move out of the bed immediately. In no time at all, and without a struggle, Regulus found the strength in his hands to place them in James’ chest and push him straight off him and to the cold floor. James fell hard onto the floor and groaned, "Merlin, what was that for?"

"Just get out James."

He grinned, "Oooo, 'James'. I like it when you say my name." He smiled like a little girl, "But oh Regulus the words you speak with that sweet tongue are anything but that. They are so scornful, so unkind." He almost drunkenly ran towards the door and chuckled to himself as he spoke in an old-timey accent. "Yet I find myself so drawn to them, speak more bittersweet loving words of hate, dear one."

"You're ridiculous."

"You love it."

Only when Regulus was in the quiet sanctuary of that moment just before sleep and he was all alone would he admit something- he really did love it

Chapter Text

Regulus often wondered how people spend so much time alone with their thoughts- he thought back to the moments of solitary confinement in his bedroom at home and shuddered at the thought of the only sounds being the rains pitter patter. He enjoyed time to himself but not time with himself. These past few days however all he had is himself and his word, it had tortured him. The unconscious mind is a venomous snake and Regulus taunted it in his days in the hospital wing, he practically begged for it to bite his ankle and leave him to suffer. Regulus had all too much and all too little to think about and it had left him in a hazy state of drunken numbness, luckily this numb feeling was disrupted by angry energy that absorbed the wing when Barty Crouch Jr. walked through the doors of the hospital wing, pushed through was a more actuate term to describe that actually.

As he forced himself to walk to Regulus, his steps looking like a foreign action, Barty bit the inside of his cheek to save himself spitting out a crude remark about anything he could pin point. He appeared to be reaching for words but wasn't quite tall enough to grasp them, he was so intelligent and yet words never came easy to him. Regulus supposed that was the consequence of living in a family that prioritises public image instead of articulating feelings to their children and prioritising communication. The Crouch family was something a loved child would ogle at and find utterly disgusting, for Barty the Crouch family was his constant.

He stood in front of Regulus and took a bitter deep breath in, "I'm sorry." ‘Wow Barty’ Regulus thought, ‘couldn’t make it sound any more convincing?’ Regulus raised an eyebrow and this soon prompted him to continue to speak, "What I said was... wrong." If words could eye roll, these one's certainly did. "He's your brother and it was not okay for me to say that stuff about him..." he continued but Regulus didn't listen. Regulus felt that Barty’s tone was more fitting for the words 'blah, blah, blah' but Regulus had to give him points for trying. As he spoke he noticed the way his eyes moved as if he was reading off a script from the inside of his head.

"Oh Barty, do stop this already." Regulus huffed and watched as Barty abruptly shut his mouth and his eyes shift open slightly to compensate for the anger he couldn't let out with shouting or physical violence. "Couldn't even come up with your own apology? Had to get Dorcas to write one for you?"

He dropped and the chair grated against the floor as he sat on it, he huffed and puffed, "You can't still be angry at me Reg? This is getting a little ridiculous now, what are you... five?"

"I'm not angry Barty, I don't have the time to be angry. Just simply... deflated." Regulus murmured and Barty hummed in response, "Besides, it would be much more effort to hate you what with us having to share every moment of our lives. I don't have the energy for that. I'm petty but not petty enough to be hung up over one misevaluated comment." He pushed himself up in the tight fitting bed, the pain from the other day had now had subsided breathing felt comfortable instead of like a thousand nails digging into his ribs, his existence was much more comfortable.

He smiled, "I'm not sure Reg, petty is your middle name."

"It's Acturus?" Regulus questioned as Barty’s joke flew over his head.

His eyes glanced left and right between both of Regulus’, "Joke, like you know-" he sighed, "never mind. So are we cool? Is the dream team back together?"

"For Evan's sake yes." Regulus chuckled and rolled his eyes to indicate a joke.

Barty seemed to freeze up for some reason. His posture became stiff and he fiddled with his fingers, knotting them together and scraping at the skin between his thumb and forefinger. Small little mechanisms that indicated a shift in comfortability, "Yeah... Evan."

Blink.

"Are you alright Barty?" Regulus asked watching as Barty blinked out of some trapping thought from his eyes as if it were stinging them.

"Yes yes." He smiled, then sighed, then he was back in the thought, "Evan you don't think-?" He shook his head, "Never mind."

Regulus watched closely as his thumb slightly played with his bottom lip, picking the skin slightly making it swell and eventually trickle a small thin line of maroon blood. Regulus noticed the dark circled under his friends eyes that had not previously been there before Regulus had found himself in the infirmary and he began to wonder what had took place in the days since he had left, both Evan and Barty seemed slightly distracted with their thoughts. Had they always been like this?

He shifted and turned to leave. "Barty," He called gently and the boy turned his eyebrows furrowing a slight, "You can talk to me if you'd like."

He held up a sorry hand and before Regulus could sneak in another word he was gone and out the door.

They weren't a particularly emotional group, they had never discussed much feeling wise except for anger disgust and stress which Regulus supposed was reflective of something much bigger, nestled between the dusty weathered books that made up their souls. Possibly by encouraging this conversation they would open these books, allow each other to read them or at least skim them. Or perhaps this was utterly ridiculous and Regulus read into it all too much.

As soon as Pomfrey allowed Regulus out of her sight he was right back to his studies and right back to quidditch pitch. So here he was bracing cold winter weather that stung his cheeks leaving them a shade of rose, fingers slightly quivering around his sleek new broom but he knew in a mere ten minutes that quidditch would warm him up- if not from joy maybe from solid friction. Walking out of the changing rooms a wave of scowls and puffs washed over his team as their eyes locked with the Gryffindors who by all means should not of been taking up space on the pitch. It didn't even take Regulus a second glance to see James, looking around like an idiot, standing as if he'd forgotten what the act of standing still was. The entirety of his team were in awful confusion as to why their captain suddenly couldn't coordinate his own body and his legs turned into jelly. But his eyes that were watching Regulus were a clear indication as to why he was like this.

Regulus heard his captain sigh and groan and complain, "I booked the pitch for today, for Regulus' recovery, what on earth are they doing here?" He overheard her speak to a seventh year, "I hate that James Potter, so obnoxious, I refuse to speak to him. Oh can't you go?" She pleaded with her friend who happily huffed muttering words like 'you're the captain' and patting her on the shoulder.

"I'll go and speak to the Gryffindor team." Regulus chirped in and shock washed her face but she soon accepted.

If this was going to take up his time he may was well have fun with it- Regulus quickly reflected on who he had become.

He gripped his broom and made his way over to the Gryffindor team whose players couldn't hide their faces riddled and tainted with disgust. All were angry but James whose day had appeared to of been made significantly brighter by the sight of Regulus walking within his vicinity. Regulus ran a hand through his hair that was so chilly it sent a shiver down his spine. Regulus walked up to James and he practically choked on the Slytherins presence, "I think you'll find the Slytherin team has the pitch booked for today… James?" He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, slowly exhaling James’ name as he knew the power it held over him.

"Sure, take it." He pushed out quickly, "We'll go. Sorry for the inconvenience Regulus!"

That was surprisingly easy- Regulus thought. This past week had made him warm up to the idea of using Amortentia in order to get his desired outcome- perhaps it was a small sadistic desire that had always been in the back corner of his mind. Though it wasn’t like he’d ever act on the (bordering on sinful maybe even dirty) thought.

"Oi James you melt!" A fourth year chimed in, "Don't let them just take the pitch, we're here fair and square."

James appeared to shake his head and snap back into his normal thoughts, "Right yeah." He thought for a moment- possibly the first thought James Potter had ever thought in his life. Clearing his throat before he spoke he said, "You know what, how about we have a match? Whoever wins can have the pitch for tonight? Short game though, minimising rules, we haven't got all night." He smiled leaning a hand on his broom.

"Sure." Regulus narrowed his eyes and smiled sarcastically, "Be prepared to be sulking back to your changing room with your tail between your legs though. I recall that Slytherin has the best seeker here… James" he said in a slight low whisper that he had not intended to sound slightly more promiscuous than his usual conversation with any Gryffindor, but he just couldn’t help slipping in James’ name and watch him squirm slightly.

Regulus began to turn when James’ ice cold hand on his wrist turned him right the way back around. "I'm sure they do." He looked Regulus up and down with a slightly lustful smirk, "But oh... we won't lose, and I'll enjoy every moment of your pity, love." He raised his eyebrows on the last word and leaned in a slight bit too much.

Regulus tore his wrist from his grasp and blinked profusely, "Right well, let's get on with it!" Regulus snapped back around, seeing some astounded Gryffindors and some spooked younger years who Regulus believed would never forget the day when James Potter ruined their youthful innocence. Something in Regulus’ stomach churned at James Potters new found (and deeply unsettling) confidence that the Amortentia had previously eradicated.

Making his way back to his own team Regulus got a look from a few players, "What on earth was that?" One raised their eyebrow and smirked before a narrowed eye glance shot their way shut them up.

"Right." He clapped his hands together, "We're playing for the pitch. Minimising game rules, whoever wins gets the pitch tonight. Potter is one stubborn bastard."

"Are you sure?" The captain hummed cheekily, "Back there he looked quite-"

"Come on, we haven't got all night."

And that's how they all ended up playing against the Gryffindor team. Regulus wanted that pitch so he was more than ready to fight dirty, filthy in fact. And James Potter was going to help him do exactly that. It all started when he was whizzing past James at obscene speeds on his broom, "Looking good." And a wink was enough to send James Potter flying, stuttering and stammering his orders to his team that had already descended into chaos without his guidance. A few extra glances towards him and a smile and he fell off his broom, only grasping onto it by luck- Regulus could get used to this.

"James! What are you doing mate?" His teammate screamed, watching as James passed the hoops with quaffle in hand, his neck cranked around to watch Regulus on his broom instead.

A small bit of contact when passing and he stopped playing altogether, he stopped functioning in fact. It was clear it was the only thing on his mind but as soon as Regulus had passed James Regulus’ mind focused back on the game, at least he hoped it did. He soared up into the sky that grew orange with the ever coming evening and tried not to think about the eyes that were glued to him, instead he put his focus on the snitch- that stupid bastard had to be around here somewhere.

Slowly the sun fully set and Regulus watched as James glided through the air, the wind pushed his unruly chocolate locks back making it stand up on end but all the while still looking incredibly neater and out together than it ever had. James’ eyes for once focused on a goal and the narrowed slightly, making the whites and his iris indistinguishable especially in the night sky. Occasionally he shoved a hand over his lips to wipe something away and then would regain the tense grip he had on his broom.

Perhaps it was odd to watch him playing like this, he'd never notice though.

He took notice.

His head shifted and he blinked abruptly as he noticed Regulus watching him so attentively. Many emotions flashed through James Potters face, Regulus believed it could be a world record as to how much anyone had felt in a single moment, and then he appeared to have a thought, that's the second one in his life. “Well done Potter.” Regulus muttered to himself when the thought passed.

Pause.

James blew a kiss.

A full on, proper, blown kiss. A wink and all.

What happened to the James who wouldn't dare to do such a thing because of his Amortentia induced a lobotomy? Regulus asked himself. What happened to flustered and not flirty? So he was playing dirty now too, well he too could play disgustingly down right diabolical. If that's how they were playing, that's how they were playing.

"Yes Gryffindor takes the snitch!" The appointed commentator shouted, "Gryffindor have the pitch tonight."

“He… distracted me?!” Regulus forced the obscene words out his mouth with anger.

That stupid fucking bastard had bloody well distracted him! Regulus brought my broom to the ground in utter anger and shock. He stood staring at the trampled grass and felt the metallic taste of blood fill his mouth from biting down on my tongue too hard when he was lost in anger.

"Told you we would win." He heard James speak from beside him, "Are you upset?"

"Ugh!" Regulus slammed his broom down on the floor and stormed off like a child. Pacing off the pitch and making his way round the side of the changing room building. He stood for a moment, his breathing jagged, heavy and angry, before hearing the pounding of fast footsteps approaching.

"Are you really that bitter?" James jogged round the corner now holding two brooms. He chuckled and came up close, "I thought the Black family didn't act like angry toddlers?" He stepped into Regulus’ space.

Without hesitation his hands gripped James’ red and gold embroidered Quidditch shirt and he flipped them around, pressing the small of James’ against the hard stone wall. Regulus paused and let out a heavy exhale, "What the hell was that back there?"

"Could say the same to you?" He smirked but he didn't look Regulus in the eyes that pierced him, his gaze was the slightest bit lower. Not his nose, it was his godforsaken lips. Regulus held his eyes however on James’ shifty ones as James blurted out, "I recall you spoke the words 'looking good', or was that just game talk?" His grin was wide and extremely smug, "If it is game talk, wanna play another round?" He raised his eyebrows, "Not a euphemism I promise… it could be if you wanted though."

Regulus held tightly onto his shirt and bit down on his tongue, he watched as James enjoyed the contact a little too much, rolling his head back against the wall. Silence was heavy and dull and it was so desperately strung in the air, silence however that was filled with lustful glances from James' part and what Regulus could only imagine was the same sour look as biting into a lemon from his own screwed up face.

James took a deep breath in and looked between Regulus’ lips and his eyes, "Can I kiss you?" And he began to lean in.

But before any lips could collide, his face collided with Regulus’ hand as he pushed his head back against the wall, "Don't. Even. Think. About it." He shot daggers at him that would pierce even the thickest of skin.

He held up his hands in defence, "Yes sir."

Regulus’ eye twitched and he took his hands off the boy before James got any more cheeky ideas. Regulus wiped his hands on his quidditch uniform and took a step back from him, "Don't try that shit ever again!" Regulus pointed and turned around.

"Only if you don't watch me with bed eyes next time we play." He called after Regulus, making him freeze in his tracks. A flustered mess of a sight James was proud to admit he liked a little too much.

"I would not ever-" his shout turned to silence though. Calm. Collected. James’ stupid words were not a big deal to him.

"You're back from Quidditch practice early Reg." Evan's voice called from his bed where he had a piece of parchment placed upon his lap and a quill in hand, he rested a small pot of ink against the creases in his bed sheet that was sure to spill and stain them.

"You're looking awfully flushed?" Barty perked up in his bed, pushing his hair back with his hand.

"Quidditch practice, bloody freezing." He remarked bitterly, still caught up on James’ words.

"No... like flushed flushed. Like freshly fucked flushed." He remarked in his usual vulgar manner, "Ooo tongue twister" he distracted himself momentarily and then went straight back to his first thought, "Wait? Back early? Did you go even to Quidditch practice or... were you doing something else?" He hopped up off his bed to jump in a child like manor of excitement before Regulus who couldn’t suppress his smirk.

"Gryffindors took the pitch tonight." Regulus threw his uniform beside his bed and crashed down onto it, "Bloody stole it from us. I tried to get it back, tried to bloody reason with him but he never listens does he-" he rambled off into pent up bitter mumblings.

Barty and Evan exchanged a glance that they did too often- Regulus didn't like the feeling of not knowing and this gesture certainly perpetuated that. They swapped little hums and nods that made him feel like he was missing out on something. "Gryffindors huh?" Barty raised an eyebrow.

"Who's 'he'?" Evan asked.

"Huh?" He focused his beady eyes in confusion and frustration.

"You said 'reason with him'?" Evan clarified, "Who is 'him'?"

"Is it the Gryffindor we're both thinking of?" Barty added, his wife toothy grin on show.

"Yeah Regulus Black is it-" he leaned forward and ultimately knocked over ink well, spilling deep obsidian ink all over the green sheets. "Shit!" Evan scrambled around picking up parchments and books but overall making a bigger mess, smudging the ink all over library books and his face. The distraction had caused enough alarm to relieve Regulus from talking about the events that had occurred tonight.

This had allowed him to slip into bed without interrogation, lights went out and people tucked themselves under quilts. Right before he drifted fully off to sleep Evan spoke out into the dark silent room, "We’ll find out Reg." Awfully ominously but then sleep took us all over.

They were in the great hall the next morning when the most mortifying moment of Regulus’ life happened. Barty was shovelling something into his mouth and Evan was laughing , when a burgundy tie was seen approaching the Slytherin table. A clear of a throat and Regulus looked up to see James, awfully smug and awfully irritating as ever, "I enjoyed last night. I'm ready to go for another round whenever you are Regulus?"

He left and the table soon erupted into into squeals from the girls and laughs from the boys, playful banter being aimed at Regulus.

Oh curse James Potter and his inability to use words correctly.

Chapter Text

Why humans had developed ears to be able to hear was a great mystery to Regulus. The sense was painful and intrusive, he supposed communication may of been why, but it was just all too loud that day in the great hall. Monday morning post was being dropped around the room and watching people scream in terror when a howler fell before them didn’t add to Regulus’ jolly mood, as they’re voices bellowed in his ears as if they were hollow caves, he would dip his head as if he could dodge the sound. Barty had received nothing from his father and this dominated the mood of the table, leaving us all sluggish and miserable as Barty racked up emotions about the ordeal. This was a weekly experience, though he didn’t like his father he felt a need to be upset when his father didn’t take the courtesy to write to him. But Barty would never write to him though. Regulus flinched slightly when a letter fell before me- he hadn’t expected it at all.

He recognised the coiling quill markings of his mother easily, addressed to his full name and all very formal. Barty and Evan glanced at him, watching as he stared down at the letter. “You gonna open that?” Evan prompted.

Regulus nodded and used his fingernail to break the seal.

Dear Regulus,
I have joyous news to inform you of, the dark lord offers a place for you by his side. We have been discussing arrangements for you to join the death eaters and help fight the worthy cause. As you may have been made aware however, the Dark Lord is extremely selective when coming to recruiting and as to prove your worth, he has proposed a test- we have no doubt you will succeed. After being made aware of your passion for potions the Dark Lord has requested you to brew some Draught of the Living Dead, should you succeed you will earn the right to the dark mark. No teacher should be made aware of your endeavours and you have until December 31st to complete this task. We have all faith in you and no doubt that you will make us and the family name proud.

With greatest love,

Mother x

After reading the letter thoroughly twice through he carefully tucked it into his robe pocket and looked up towards the two boys who watched me with eager eyes, “I have been propositioned to prove myself,” then under a hushed tone, “to the dark lord.”

Barty and Evan smiled, “Finally, took them long enough.” Barty chuckled, “What do you have to do? Are they sending you on a mission or something? That’s the best way to do it,” he informed the table as if he knew what he was talking about, “right out in the field. Really show off your skills, you know?” Evan just nodded in agreement and Regulus simply shrugged.

“I don’t think I’m supposed to disclose the details of the mission but I won’t be sent out into the field just yet.” He hummed, “If I succeed this confirms my place by the Dark Lords side.” Regulus smiled.

“Well done mate, real honour there.” Evan smiled, “Not that we had any doubt, being the heir to the house of Black and all.” His grin was wide.

Heir.

Regulus peeked over Evan’s shoulder at what should of been the heir, instead of facing crushing societal pressure he was instead throwing toast up into the air and trying to catch it with his mouth, his friends laughing like maniacs. Regulus supposed he should be grateful though for his absence, he was the heir and will ultimately inherit a title so sought after in the wizarding world.

Transfigurations was coming to an end, people’s sighs of relief and the smack of closing books echoed throughout the room. As soon as McGonagall waved them all off, Regulus made his way quickly down to the library, hoping to find any book that could give him a smidge of information on Draught of the Living Dead, any at all. However schools didn’t particularly like to give students access to potions like this- he wondered why? After scouring the shelved for anything he found a book that peaked his curiosity: Malice- the potions of darkness and evil.

Taking the torn up copy delicately in his hand, he noticed it covered in a thick layer of dust, he wiped his hand over it to see a crimson cloth cover slightly worn and faded round the edges, little gold metal embellishments decorated the corners keeping them from completely eroding off. The name of the author had been completely diminished now and was a blush blur instead, remnants of black swirly text barely visible. Upon opening the book, he saw only one name scrawled upon the library page- Tom Riddle. The name rung a bell in his head and he thought back to that trophy, what would he be doing with a book like this? Exactly what he was doing with the book Regulus supposed.

He glanced around the corner, no one was around and so he decided to slip the book into his satchel instead of it being recorded that he had taken such a book out. It was not exactly the alarm bell he wanted to be ringing at this moment of time.

“Breaking the sacred rules of the library?” Regulus jumped and turned rapidly, gripping his wand tightly to be met with the hazel eyes of Lupin who was gently tossing a hardback between his hands, he leaned gently onto the shelves, “Didn’t take you for the thieving type Regulus?”

“I don’t do it often.” He shook his head.

Remus shrugged and didn’t draw attention to this matter again. “Enjoy the book I gave you? I saw you reading it in the courtyard the other day. You looked quite stuck in, I’ll have a guess and say you enjoyed it then?” The right corner of his lips perked up.

“Very much. Though it’s a curious little book, Turkish delight? Wardrobes? Where on earth did you find a book like that?”

He looked overjoyed by this news, an expression Regulus very rarely saw in his face in the few times he gazed upon Remus, “Muggle literature.” He smiled and Regulus’ smile faltered, “Absolutely brilliant what they can come up with.”

“It was very magical for a muggle.” He hummed, “I didn’t know they could be that creative.” He snorted in the irony of muggles naive nature.

“Don’t doubt them, for a world with no magic they sure do weave it in so poetically into their writing. Magnificent isn’t it?” His eyes wandered off to the side.

“I suppose it is, yes.” Regulus’ opinion on the book hadn’t changed whether muggle written or not. “Oh here,” He reached into his satchel for the copy, “Thought I should return it to you.” He pushed the book towards Remus but he placed the pads of his fingers on the spine and pushed it carefully back towards Regulus.

“No, keep it. I have another three copies at home.” He chuckled to himself, “I find them, I buy them. That book is my weakness. All nostalgia for me.”

“This one has all your annotations in it though?” Regulus held the book up, “Which I thoroughly enjoyed by the way… very insightful.”

“Why thank you.” He took a pretend, humorous bow, “But no seriously, the rest have that but ten fold. Keep it, I insist.”

“Well,” Regulus slipped it back in his bag and nodded, “Thank you. I’ll see you round Lupin.”

As he walked past Remus he placed a gentle hand on Regulus’ shoulder, stopping him in his tracks. He lowered his voice and spoke with care, “Please be gentle with him.” And then he wondered off between the shelves. Regulus stood there, just still, taking in the words for a second. He wasn’t too sure who he was talking about. Sirius? James?

Regulus began to ponder and walk.

Was he referring to what had occurred between him and Sirius the other day? If so Regulus could safely say it is none of the brunettes business, but had James mentioned something? He must of. Sirius had come in raging about what Regulus had ‘done to him’ and so the Amortentia must of prompted him to talk nonstop about him to all his friends. That boy would be the death of Regulus, in the most literal sense possible. Remus was no fool, that much he knew, so he must of picked up on his traits being similar to the love potion? Surely he would know, that put Regulus in a very awkward position though.

Walking through the empty corridors of Hogwarts was a wave of calm for him. Everyone else was in their respected lesson while he had his one free period and it was the time he enjoyed the most. He had always thought Hogwarts was much prettier when no one was around, you could really appreciate the beauty of the place without irritating firsts years piercing screams bouncing from wall to wall. He enjoyed taking in every small detail of the architecture, engraved bricks with the brick makers names, small scuffs and arches on the walls- it was all so beautiful. He dreamt to be here when summer came: empty. Only the stifling oppressive summer heat that brought out beads of sweat to bother him. Wistfully, he imagined the courtyards full of plush green grass, completely dry and he would just lay there without a worry in the world. Perhaps it was nerdy to fantasise about being at school in summer, Regulus didn’t believe it was school he fantasised about though- he dreamt for the peaceful isolation.

Gently, he hummed as his shoes slid over the cobbled floor, ever so slightly tripping occasionally when coming across a small chip. His hum echoed across the walls lightly, not enough for anyone but himself to hear the delicate tune. It pooled back into his ears and filled the spaces around his brain.

This is what he lived for.

The smell of fresh air and dust was potent and found a place in his nose, to most people this smell would be unbearable but it was nothing but homely to Regulus. He peeked around doors and alcoves to try and find an empty classroom, storage cupboard or anything to begin his research for the dark lord, the common room or a classroom in use would be completely preposterous. So far he had spotted nothing, he briefly thought of the shrieking shack and then shook his head. He’d rather not risk his life in that way.

And so he continued his search and looked around a corner-

“What are you humming?” James face snaked round Regulus’ shoulder.

He placed a hand on his heart, “Merlin!” His head knocked back, “Do you insist on giving me a heart attack?”

“No.” He shook his head profusely, “I could do something else with your heart though. If you’d let me ha-“

Before he could finish Regulus’ palm was pressed against James’ mouth, something he witnessed him take too much enjoyment in. “Do you only speak in bellows? Do you know what hushed tones are?” He rolled his eyes, taking his hand away from James’ face and he continued walking around and of course he followed.

“I like what I say. Why shouldn’t the whole world hear it?” He recounted like a child.

He shook his head, “Does the lack of shame run in your bloodline?” He crossed his arms, “Wait, what lesson are you supposed to be in right now? This isn’t your free time.”

“Shhhhh.” He placed an almost drunken finger against Regulus’ lip, “They’re are better questions to be asked Regulus. Such as where are you going? This isn’t the way to the library?”

“I know.” He nodded, “If you must know I’ve just been there.”

He walked with Regulus, his shoulder bumping into his a few times before Regulus shuffled away. He hummed in a low suspicion, “So… where are you going then?”

“If I tell you will you leave me be?”

“Maybe. Or maybe I’ll help you with whatever it is you’re doing?”

“I doubt.” He hummed. Regulus really doubted that James would be leaving him alone any time soon. He wondered if the truthful knowledge of what he was doing would be enough for Potter to leave me alone, or die again. He toyed with the idea but the chances of him telling Dumbledore were just too high. “I’m just looking for an empty classroom, one out of use.”

“Why?” He furrowed his eyebrows as if what Regulus had said was completely and utterly ridiculous.

“Studying.” Was the best answer he could think of off the top of his head, “The common room is too chaotic and the library has been flooded by your friends recently so I don’t think I’m particularly welcome.”

“You could always come to my common room?” He asked with a hopeful smile.

“I’d rather die.” He looked away from James and continued walking, “I also don’t think I’m most welcome there either, am I?”

James bit his lip in thinking. ‘Wow, the third time he’s done that’ Regulus thought. His eyes flickered as if he had struck a match, “I have an idea!” He jumped, taking Regulus hand, squeezing his hand and pulling me the opposite way.

“Let go of my hand you imbecile!”

They faced what Regulus knew for sure was usually a wall, however it now had a grand imposing door. “When did they build this?”

James shook his head, “They didn’t, it’s the room of requirement. It appears when you need it most. The inside will become whatever you need it for.”

“Wow.” He stared up in amusement. “How do I know this isn’t one of your pranks, am I going to walk straight into a brick wall?”

James rapidly shook his head, “No no no, of course not.” A small beat, “I like to come here for some quiet when everyone gets all a little too much.”

Regulus saved that sentence in his brain, he felt that deep in his heart and honestly speaking (no matter how much he didn’t want to admit it) he wanted James to tell him more about that feeling.

“Come in with me.” He ginned widely.

“Absolutely not. Just cause the rest of Hogwarts is fooled by your beauty doesn’t mean I’m that stupid.” He stared up at the doors, he was weary to go anywhere with James Potter as Merlin only knows what it would lead to.

James smiled and moved his way in front of Regulus. Taking his hands yet again for some reason holding them close to his chest. “You think I’m beautiful?” His eyes went (what Regulus could only describe as) melty. He looked down upon Regulus with admiration no one had ever felt for Regulus before, it tugged at his heart strings to know that when all this wore off he would be back to the same loneliness.

“I never said that.” He shook his head. He supposed the only way to get over the feeling of impending loneliness was to deny it was there at all. If he just pushed down how Potter’s care for him made him slightly warm inside then it couldn’t possibly actually exist.

A devious smile took over his face. “Oh but you did.” He grinned wide. “Regulus Black thinks I’m fit!” He exclaimed into the empty corridor, no doubt echoing into an unfortunate classroom.

“No!” He shook his head again, “I just meant that, objectively, because you are conventionally attractive, everyone views you as quite beautiful.” He desperately attempted to clear his name.

It was now his turn to shake his head, “You have a strange way of saying ‘wow you’re so beautiful James Potter, the most handsome in Hogwarts and probably all of England. Oh Merlin you’re so-‘“

“Will you shut up!”

He cocked his head, “If you come inside with me.”

Sigh.

“Fine.”

“Right!” He tugged his hand as he opened the door, “Come on in!”

When the doors opened Regulus was met with a strange sight. Not of a potions lab or even an empty classroom, instead it looked almost like the common rooms just less worn and much cosier. A small fireplace was burning logs and the room was filled with a lovely warmth. There were cushioned seats and sofas all around with rugs galore. They slowly made their way into the room, “This isn’t what I wanted?”

“Maybe it’s what you need.” James shrugged with a small dim smile on his face. Stupid therapeutic room. Though Regulus supposed he wouldn’t be able to use this room for his potion anyway as James was already aware of it, that risked him getting caught. “Come, sit with me.”

“I really have to get going, lots of-“

“Oh shush.” James pulled him forwards, “Have a seat.” Regulus watched as James lay down lengthways on a large brown sofa and closed his eyes, “Join me, this is really comfy.”

In defeat he lay down next to him, back to back in order to avoid facing James. The sofa was large enough for the two to have a decent gap between them. Regulus sunk down into the tan leather and let himself be gently absorbed by it.

“You said something earlier.” Regulus began.

“I say a lot of things.” James huffed, “That’s what you hate about me.” He smiled.

“I don’t-“ hate was such a strong word he felt almost guilty when it left James’ frowning mouth, “You said ‘when everyone gets all a little too much’.” He paused, “Do you want to talk about that?” Why on earth he was having a heart to heart with James was unbeknownst to Regulus. In that moment, in that room however it just felt right.

James hummed softly, “Sometimes, I have these moments when the world just becomes so unbearable. Sound hurts and touch stings. I hate myself for it, the world only tries to supply good and I hate it for it sometimes. I love my friends and I know that I should be able to speak to them but I just can’t. They all have their own shit going on and I’m the support of the group, the positive one. I don’t want to bring them down because sometimes the world is too much for me.”

Regulus felt like James had pulled his thoughts straight from his mind, James words resonated ever so strangely with him. “James,” he muttered, shifting so that we were facing each other. Their noses practically touching and his eyes were by James’ plush rosy lips, they were at a good enough distance that it wasn’t awkward. “It’s okay for you to have a bad day to you know?” Merlin, if Sirius was making James feel like James’ problems were inferior to his, Regulus just added another reason to his list as to why he hated him. “Yeah sure your friends go through some tough shit but so do you.”

He shrugged, “It’s not a real problem though. Just because the air is too loud and I can feel the inside of my mouth doesn’t connote an actual problem. I’m just sensitive.”

“Sometimes earth is easy for people, so life gives them problems. But sometimes earth is hard for people. You should speak to them about it.”

“Eh.” He closed his eyes, “They wouldn’t get it. I don’t think anyone does, that’s why it’s so stupid.”

“I get it.”

At that James opened his eyes so gently, his dark lashes softly parting. “You do?”

“Sometimes the world gets turned up to eleven. You get this panic and fear over something as small as a strong smell or the feeling of your clothes. Sometimes all I want to do is exist in a warm dark room, free from all earthly noise and texture, sometimes I want the cold to sting my skin though. Life throws things at you and you have to deal with them. Human beings and bodies are complex, the brain is a wonderful and dangerous thing. But you do know that when the world becomes too much you don’t have to pretend, you can take a step back and allow yourself to vulnerable and emotional sometimes.”

James traced a slow intimate finger on the sleeve of Regulus’ jumper, taking the wool between his fingers and holding it. Usually Regulus would take this moment to push him away, but James was hurting and he couldn’t take away a small comfort from him. “I like you Regulus. I think you get me, get me in ways no one else can.” He smiled so softly it hurt knowing soon this would all be gone, the two would be left without this comfort. Regulus even began feeling sorry for the boy, “Sometimes I feel like an alien, I don’t think I’m supposed to be on this planet.” He paused, “Is it wrong to want to die, maybe if I died it would emancipate me from this feeling.”

“Whoah whoah whoah, just because you process the world differently doesn’t mean you’re an alien. Death doesn’t free us from pain, it just extends that pain to everyone else. More will suffer.” Regulus took James’ hand in my hand, “You have so much to live for James.” He pulled closer, “You’re going to grow up to do amazing things, you’ll heal this world. You’ll have a family and love them so. You’ll pass on all this love you have to your children and to your loved ones.”

James smiled sleepily and chuckled, “For someone who doesn’t show any emotion, you sure know a hell of a lot about them.”

Regulus blinked, “I don’t have to express all my emotions, I just feel them.” He pointed to his heart, slowly and gently he said, “In here.”

“You should talk about them.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever find an opportunity to do that.” He hummed. His mind had to race at constant speeds, he didn’t have time to express emotions, he had to plan ahead for every minute detail of everything.

“Maybe we should start here. Now.” James prompted, “How are you feeling right now?”

Regulus scoffed but with comfort this time, “You’re ridiculous Potter.” James pouted. “What?”

“You called me James just. I liked it, please go back to that.”

“Fine,” Regulus hesitantly paused, “… James.”

“So… how are you feeling right now?” He prompted once more.

“Calm. Tranquil. My mind feels clear as if it has been cleansed.” Regulus paused and closed his eyes. He took in the smell of the room, the smell of James against his shoulder. “How do you feel?”

James looked up at him, he paused and he really thought about his words, “Infinite.” His voice breathy and whimsical, “I could stay here forever, cherish this moment. You make me feel seen. I feel in love.”

’I feel in love.’ The words delicates echoed in Regulus’ mind like a reverbed melody.

“Lovely.” He shuffled awkwardly off the sofa, placing himself down on the floor in front of the slow burning, warm orange fire instead.

“Sorry!” James jumped up, “That sounded weird! I meant like in love with this moment and this like friendship, you know? I didn’t mean to insinuate anything more.”

“I know you didn’t.” -because it’s all Amortentia is what he wanted to say.

“I’ll-“ he paused, “I’ll go, I’ll leave you to rest in here,” he crouched down besides James, “Thank you for this afternoon. It’s been really nice to get all that off my chest.”

And then he was gone.

Regulus knew what he felt for James wasn’t love, that was abundantly clear. The untrained, unsystematic eye would have labelled this as love but it wasn’t that. He thought it’s something far more complicated than love. It’s a mutual understanding of each other, the knowing of a certain feeling. A certain feeling he hadn’t expected to radiate from James Potter, the golden Gryffindor boy. It was much more intimate than any type of love, he desired no romantic relationship with James Potter but Merlin, he desired the understanding James offered him.

He sat by himself, knees tucked into his chest, and he felt numb, he hated the fact that in a few days James would forget all about what they shared, he would still have those feelings but wouldn’t talk to Regulus or anyone about them. He wouldn’t have anyone to talk to about them. Regulus rose and lay down on the sofa, feeling James’ warmth still present in the previously cold leather. He lay still on the sofa taking that fact in, he thought of ending his life right there and then. What’s the point of living if he is never going to be understood?

Chapter Text

The common room was quiet, but Regulus’ mind was as loud as the great hall during Christmas dinner. It had now officially been two weeks since he had gave James Amortentia and its effects should begin to wear off. James hadn’t approached him once today so he took that as a clear sign it had, relief flew coursed his veins and gave him life- after two weeks of disruption he could finally relax and breathe (although he was quietly annoyed he never managed to find out where James got his supply of Victoria Sponge from). Putting that aside, now his mind could be rid of all the loud thoughts and he could focus purely on the gentle scratching of his quill on parchment. He stared down at it, realising the last few words he had wrote were absolute nonsense and he aggressively scribbled them all out leaving a small pool of obsidian ink to dampen the parchment.

“You alright Reg?” Dorcas asked, looking up from her own parchment which featured much more coherent sentences than his own. From the corner of the room, a small lamp lit up the left side of her face.

“Hmm?” He looked up, Dorcas was sat next to him at the table as they did the transfigurations homework. “Oh yeah fine, why wouldn’t I be?” quickly he looked down at his messy parchment and continued to write- whether it was coherent or not he couldn’t be bothered to check.

“You just seem a little distracted is all.” She hummed and shrugged, putting down her quill and shifting to face Regulus. Her hair draped delicately over her shoulders and framed her soft face. “Is everything alright, what are you thinking about?”

Honestly? The words James had spoke to him the other night, ‘the world becomes unbearable’ and ‘sometimes I feel alien’ ran on this particular loop. It slightly unnerved Regulus to think that from today, James may bottle all these feelings up and not share them like he had with Regulus the other night in James’ secret room. “Nothing.”

Her eyebrows furrowed and she leaned in closer, “Okay… if you want to talk you-“

“I know I know,” He nodded, flicking his quill in his hand, sending ink shooting at the page, he planned to scrap that parchment as he’d made a mess of it, “You’re always there.”

She nodded proudly, “Yes I am.” She smiled then shifted her gaze from Regulus to the common room sofa where Barty and Evan lay.

One awkward moment of silence and Regulus shifted his shoulders, aiming to break the silence he asked, “So… how’s your mystery Gryffindor?” Regulus’ sudden interest and shift to talk about Dorcas’ personal life took her by surprise, she expressed this by turning to him with a raised eyebrow.

Her face washed with what could only be described as giddy excitement, like a child with a bag sweets from Honeydukes. “I don’t have a ‘mystery Gryffindor’” she laughed, cocking her head in excitement.

“I suppose when you came back late the other night with a red tie you were just trying out a new look then?” He raised an eyebrow while staring down at his parchment once more. He shifted up his eyes to look at her through a smirk, “Go on then Dorky, tell me about him.”

She froze, her eyes becoming shifty.

“Come on! Who is it?” He smiled, shifting back into his chair, “Why won’t you tell me who it-“ a beat, “Please don’t tell me it’s my brother.”

She let out a relieved sigh, “Oh Merlin no! Far too arrogant for me.”

“You can say that again. So…” I leaned closer, “Who is he?”

“She.”

“Huh?”Regulus scolded himself, how could he have been so stupid.

“She, is a girl.” Dorcas proposed nervously, almost like she was asking Regulus a question.

“Oh.” Oh Merlin Regulus shut up and ask the dam girl about her mystery Gryffindor instead of sitting all shift and nervous, he thought.

Deeply, he inspected his face for any minute reaction, a twitch even and Regulus noticed as her hands became shifty and slightly nervous. She was looking for something? “What do you have to say to that?” Regulus recognised what she was doing, she was judging him, judging and testing their friendship based on the response in which Regulus would give (or wouldn’t give).

“You’re yet to tell me who she is.” He smiled. Regulus’ playful joke was enough for her to relax and allow the conversation to open up once more, it returned and flowed smoothly as it previously had.

“Well,” her grin was wide and she looked past Regulus, clearly thinking about her, “You know the loud blonde one? Marlene?”

“Oh!” He jumped up slightly, just enough to express his excitement to Dorcas, “She’s on the quidditch team isn’t she? Absolutely brilliant player, extremely aggressive though.” He thought for a moment and remembered seeing the blonde girl knocking people around and off brooms while roughing around with her team just the other day in the pitch, “How longs this been going on then?” He smiled.

“Two months next week. We’re just testing the waters but I think I love her. Oh Merlin I really love her.” She sounded wrapped up in a dream and suddenly she was whisked away. After thinking for a moment she came back down to earth, “Enough about me though, anyone new in your life?” She grinned and wiggled her eyebrows, attempting to signal Merlin knows what to him.

Regulus shook his head, “Fortunately no. I remain as cold, bitter and lonely as ever.” The two let out a synchronised chuckled.

Though she seemed marginally disappointed by Regulus’ empty answer she deviated from the question quickly, drawing her attention to the other side of the room. “So… what do you think they’re talking about?” She said in a low hum.

He matched her gaze and Barty and Evan were leaning against each other on the sofa, Barty looked up at Evan as he spoke and the scene was quite picturesque. “Merlin knows. Could be the meaning of life, could be someone they shagged.”

“When do you think they’ll realise?” She asked, not letting go of her gaze from them, her brows knitted and her face riddled with concern.

“Realise what?” Regulus scrunched up his face, as he watched the two boys seemingly ordinary interaction, or as ordinary as the pair could be.

She turned to face him, “Reg,” she hummed her voice laced with a secret that was yet to be revealed to Regulus, “They’re very close.” She titled her head forward as she signalled over to the boys who were wrapped up in each others arms by the common room fire.

Regulus shrugged, “We’ll they’re like best mates? Of course they’re close, they know everything about each other..”

“Do you not think maybe either of them want, I don’t know… more?”

“More? Like…” a thousand thoughts flashed through his mind at once, “Oh… more?”

Dorcas shrugged, “I’m just saying. I don’t know what they think of each other but I believe it’s very possible.”

“How did I miss this?” He gazed cautiously at them, affection practically radiated from them, it was the sight people wrote endless descriptive paragraphs about., “I spend every waking hour with these idiots and I bloody missed it.”

Dorcas patted Regulus on the shoulder, “You’re not great at picking up on romantic suggestions ever Reg. Social cues aren’t your thing.” She chuckled, her concern leaving as her face was replaced with playfulness.

“They’d be a disaster.” He stared and hummed lowly, not taking his eyes off of them.

Dorcas nodded in agreement, “Yes they would.”

While in potions he had pocketed some flower head and now, once again was on the search for an empty classroom to brew the potion he had been tasked to make for the Dark Lord- this time without James following him around like the pest he was. Everyone else was at supper in the great hall tucking into seasoned chickens and overly buttery mashed potato and here Regulus was wandering around the corridors of the castle which was illuminated by a small, almost burnt out candle, the sun had disappeared into the chilly winter sky. When rounding a corner he saw a shabby looking door that he could only presume lead to a shabby little classroom.

Upon opening he saw a deserted room, a few tragically broken desks pushed up against cracked mouldy walls. Cobwebs and some scuttling spiders in the corners of the room. Pushing on inside he opened up a cupboard to see a few empty cauldrons that had been rusting for a few decades and empty (or close to empty) jars, their insides being lined with algae or moss. With a flick of his wand he locked the door and muttered ‘perfect’ to himself.

A few charms and the room was spic and span and back to a working order. Another spell and the room was now inaccessible to anyone else, the room being out of view to the common person and being completely wiped out of the memories of other staff. It was now completely irrelevant except to Regulus. Shifting a few desks he placed a cauldron upon a wooden table and watched it wobble, quickly transferring it to another deeming that one unsafe.

The room had the smell of time, everything radiated its age and abandonment.

From his leather bag, he drew out the potions book he had taken from the library and placed it on the desk, pulling up a creaky chair and sitting down. He proceeded to spend the entirety of his evening marking and annotating and making an endless plan as to how he was to get this potion done. He estimated it would take five weeks in total to acquire all the ingredients, allowing time for them to cure and perfect, he would just about get this done before the winter break.

When peering out the window he saw that even ghe candles and lanterns that lit up Hogwarts grounds had been extinguished and now the sky was obsidian and littered with small pin pricked stars. He rubbed his eyes and looked own at the parchments and books scattered around in front of him and collected them into one neat pile- pushed them into his bag and made his way to the door. One small glance around each corner to ensure it was safe to leave and he made my way out.

Regulus decided to head to his sanctuary that would now be rid of James Potter- the astronomy tower. Clambering his way up the stairs and twisting round the corridors late at night, pushing himself against walls when Filch would pass he made it to the astronomy tower and was utterly disappointed (and slightly taken aback) when he saw the black outline of James Potter watching the stars, his hands delicately holding onto the rail.

“What are you doing here?” .

James jumped and spun around quickly in alarm, “Shitting hell!” He exclaimed placing a hand over where he thought was his heart (he was on the completely wrong side), “Merlin, you snuck up on me. Did you tiptoe here? My word you’re quiet.”

His face stayed neutral but he raised his eyebrows, “Revenge for all the times you’ve snuck up on me.” He shrugged.

He smiled dumbly. “Suppose so.” And he went back to standing shrugged over the rail and relaxed.

“You never answered my question, what are you doing here?”

“Oh!” He exclaimed nodding, “We’ll I kind of dumped a lot of stuff on you the other night,” he lolloped his head to the side, “and then I made you all weird so I wanted to apologise.” He smiled, kind of?

“You don’t have to apologise for talking about your feelings.” He shifted to stand down beside him and the two took the opportunity to lower themselves to sit on the floor.

He shrugged, “Eh, maybe it was just an excuse to see the look on your face when I gave you some more Victoria sponge.” He pushed a small box towards Regulus delicately and watched Regulus with hopeful eyes. This scene replayed in Regulus’ head on a loop, this little white box was present every time they would meet and honestly Regulus couldn’t complain.

Regulus’ face wasn’t what would typically be called a smile but it defiantly did express a feeling of gratitude, “I fear you have an ulterior motive with this cake.”

“Yes.” He laughed and leaned in to a low whisper, “It’s secretly laced with small doses of Amortentia and I’m just waiting for the day you fall madly in love with me.” Now this would have been hilariously funny to most (not to Regulus probably) if he wasn’t absolutely smashed on Amortentia- like an unreasonable amount of it. Instead of chuckling he froze and pressed his lips to a small frown snd stared down at the cake. “Kidding!” He held his hands up, “I just thought you’d appreciate your favourite cake. No Amortentia here!” He declared.

He narrowed his eyes but decided that ultimately if he were to get a dose of Amortentia it was karma and getting it through a delicious slice of cake wasn’t all that bad.

James snorted as Regulus tucked into the cake, “I love how English you are for a French person.”

Quizzically, he raised an eyebrow, “What?”

He gestured to the cake and then back at Regulus, “You know… Victoria sponge. Queen Victorias royal garden tea parties. Very English of you.”

“Good cake is good cake. Besides I don’t keep up with muggle royalty, I have other matters to attend to.”

“See!” He exclaimed leaning forwards with his pointer finger pointing towards Regulus face in an accusatory manner, “There you go! There’s the little aristocratic French man inside you.”

“You really are odd.” Another delicate mouthful of cake, “Besides, I could say you’re quite English too.”

“Go on.” He asked intrigued.

“The people you surround yourself with, the phrases you use, your behaviours, the way you talk. Speak on of the way you talk,” He leaned back when finished with the fluffy cake slice, pressing the thin of his back into the cold concrete laying down, “Where is your accent?”

“My accent?”

“Yes. You moved here when you were eight, correct? That would warrant some degree of a Spanish accent would it not?”

“You know when I moved here? How did you know when I moved here?” He smiled widely, his teeth on display. He wasn’t offended, he wasn’t creeped out he was simply intrigued. Though he supposed that and confusion were James Potters natural states.

“Sirius spoke about you nonstop James, I’m simply observant. Now, where’s your accent?”

He shrugged but looked off to the side, sliding his back down to, laying himself next to Regulus. For someone he hated they sure seemed to always be in close proximity, “I didn’t speak much as a kid, never learnt to talk with a Spanish accent so I didn’t have one. Then I came to England, spoke a bit more, Sirius really brought out the chatterbox in me.”

“You? Not talk? I refuse to believe that. I suppose Sirius awoke something in you and now you never bloody shut up.” He scoffed.

James froze.

A beat.

A thought.

A considerate thought.

“Why didn’t you speak James?” He asked, taking the liberty to make an eye contact that usually would be awkward but now felt needed and smooth.

His eyebrows shifted and you could no longer see the whites of his eyes, he frowned slightly, “I’m not sure.” He thought to himself, “I hate that I’m unsure, I hate being unsure. Maybe it was because I didn’t realise I had to, maybe I was shy.” He shook his head, “No, that’s not it.”

Regulus observed his face, looking from the angular bone of his jaw to the soft curve of his lips. He took in every small detail, the way the space between his eyebrows creased when he frowned, the way his eyes could go numb and lifeless in a heartbeat that was so usual of James. “Did you ever think that people would judge you? Like what you said wasn’t enough for them?” Regulus offered the thought kindly.

It was like something awoke in him. His chest expanded, his mouth opened and his eyes saw the light, “That’s it.” He said softly, taking in the information and absorbing it into himself. They sat silently as he quietly pondered the thought of himself, “You’ve been here since five? So why do you have such a thick French accent?” He asked. He wasn’t deflecting from what Regulus had said, he’d taken that thought to his heart. They were simply past that train of thought now.

A hum. “Mother and Father liked to keep us in, didn’t want us engaging with whatever they deemed… unworthy. The only voices I heard were of my family’s so it’s the sound I learnt and absorbed. When I came to Hogwarts all I wanted to do was go back home, no one understood me and it was torture. Then I met Barty, Evan, Pandora and Dorcas who, instead of laughing at my speech patterns, helped me express myself better.” He paused, “Well Barty laughed but he claims now that it was because he thought I sounded really ‘cool’.” He quoted Barty’s words.

“Your voice suits you.” James shifted onto his side to face Regulus, they were now lying opposite each other and watching each other very intently. How did this keep happening?

“I’d hope so? It is my voice after all.”

“No.” He shook his head.

“It’s not my voice?” He teased.

James smiled, “Not what I meant. I meant like… it’s really nice. Just so beautiful, I could listen to you talk forever. Your accent is why they call the French the ‘language of love’. You could express something so very hateful and still sound so polite doing it, it’s eloquent I suppose. It’s a voice that you sing to a child with in order to get them to sleep.”

A feeling erupted deep in his core. He pushed it down though. He couldn’t falter at the smallest sign of a compliment, that was ridiculous. Besides, James didn’t mean it- Amortentia truly brought out the poet in James.

“Your voice suits you too James.”

Regulus almost killed him with his words.

Watching him stutter and look around trying to find some form of words was an unmissable sight and Regulus must recommend giving James Potter Amortentia as it is an amazing sight to see. He choked on what Regulus was simply air. “Thanks, it’s mine I’m lead to believe.”

He’s brilliant.

Regulus burst out into laughter, the type you felt in the side of your stomach and left you with a sharp ache in its place. Laughter he hadn’t truly felt in years, not since Sirius had left. He hadn’t felt this beautiful pain in his side through a positive means in years, usually it was at the hands of his parents (whether physically or not). And so he rejoiced in the one moment he could, the one moment he knew he was free of judgment and expectation and could simply just… be. With James he could just be.

Then came the wave of fear and depression, with James he could be. But without James he had nothing. No discredit to his friends but with James it was ever so different to when he was with them.

“Did I just make you laugh Regulus?” His smile broadened.

And suddenly that fear was gone because who could live in fear when James Potter looked at you like that. He lived in the moment, the only moment he would want to live in and returned back to crippling laughter. Regulus knew he would spend any antagonising moment thinking back to this night, this one occurrence of laughter that (Merlin help him) James Potter had brought on and encouraged. He tended to that fire in the pit of Regulus’ stomach ever so carefully.

When approaching the door to the dormitory he heard shuffling and muffled shouting. Regulus furrowed his eyebrows, this was probably an argument over a board game that got out of hand and so he pushed open the door to a sight too sad to see. Evan sat pushed back in his bed looking up at Barty with abject horror and disappointment, Barty stood over the bed flapping his hands about and screaming like a mad man, “You’re perverted Evan! Fucking perverted freak!”

Evan shook his head, his voice didn’t break, he didn’t shed a tear but he didn’t have to because it wasn’t sadness he appeared to feel, instead it was anger. His emotion came through just as clear, “I thought you of all people would understand Barty!” He looked down at his feet at the end of the bed.

“Me? Understand!” Barty was still shouting, his tone never lowered. “Why on earth would I understand this? You’re… you’re fucking disgusting. Don’t come near me!” He screamed when Evan so much as shuffled.

Regulus barged into the room, “Bloody hell what’s going on!”

Their heads snapped up, they looked caught but Bartys angry expression didn’t fade. His head clocked back to Evan immediately, “Go on!” He goaded, “Tell Reg all about what a pervert you are. Tell him all about how you like to try and k-“

“Stop it!” Evan screamed. Properly screamed. Blood curdling. The room fell into silence, crickets quieted themselves and the air didn’t bother to move a particle. He was not sure if Evan’s scream was anger in particular now, however it appeared more to be disappointment and betrayal.

Bartys eye twitched.

“I think you should leave Barty.” He muttered, Evan’s voice remained low usually and a scream of that ferocity was a clear sign that Barty needed to leave.

Barty scoffed, “What so I have to leave because he’s a fucking f-“

“Leave!” He did not shout it but it was firm and scornful, a tone he took directly from his mother. “Sleep on the common room sofa,” Regulus pointed an accusatory finger at him, “I’ll deal with you tomorrow.”

Barty walked away and his enraged face didn’t budge one bit as he slammed the door. The quiet sound of stifled breathing and Regulus’ own even breathing filled the room and was just the right volume. He and Evan both watched each other, his eyes that had just been observing James Potter’s overwhelming happiness were now witnessing the pit falls of a much deeper emotion.

They sat silently for a few more minutes until Regulus felt it had gotten out of hand, “Are you going to talk about what just happened? Why I came back to a screaming match between the two of you.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Evan spoke through his teeth, “Barty thinking like his father for the first time in his life.”

“Evan.” Low and questioning, “Whatever it is, tell me. I’m sick of everyone here holding everything back, all of our friends are on the cusp of breaking. You’re all simmering and you’re all going to boil over any minute. I think just now is proof of that, so tell me what happened.” Perhaps he was thinking about how James was, how he held everything back and boiled over in that room with Regulus. Possibly it was silly to think about James in a moment like this but he held onto that comfort.

Evan watched him as if he was inspecting Regulus, judging whether it was safe to speak or safer to keep his lips glued together. He gave in with a small sigh, “I may of made an attempt to kiss him.” The word kiss didn’t bother Evan, instead it was the word him in reference to Barty that appeared to make him shudder.

“Oh.”

He rolled his eyes, “Completely stupid.” He scolded him self abusively.

“Was it?”

“Huh?”

“I’m just saying, a kiss is a very passionate display of love, I wouldn’t call that stupid. Would you? Would you call raw love a stupid thing?”

“Maybe.”

“Then maybe I think you’re stupid.” Regulus offered a joke and Evan took it, a small smile pulled the corners of his lips up.

“Don’t you agree with him? That I’m perverted? It’s not normal.”

“Love is one of the only things I don’t understand Evan. I am not one to judge. Love is… well it takes us by storm and clarity in a storm is unheard of. I don’t understand the abuse some people receive because of who they love. Maybe I don’t understand your feelings for him, but even the common fool knows how to empathise.”

“You speak like someone who has loved Reg.”

“I love.” He paused, “I love you, Pandora, Dorcas. Even Barty when he’s not behaving like this.”

“No.” He shook his head, “Like… in love.” He added, “Are you in love Reg?”

Regulus shook his head, “No. What on earth would make you think that?” An innocent response really.

Evan shrugged, “Are you sure? It’s just… something Panda said to me the other day.” Fondness filled his voice with the little nickname, “You know her and her little prophecies. Probably means nothing.”

“Yeah.” He hummed, “Nothing.”

Chapter Text

“You have some explaining to do Barty.” He perched on the edge of the sofa he was lying upon. Evan had fallen asleep upstairs and so he took this as the perfect opportunity to smack some sense into Barty- currently he meant it figuratively but soon enough it may be literally. Barty watched the common room fire intently, not shifting his eyes from it. Barty’s stubbornness was a constant in their lives and though it made him resilient it made him an annoying bastard sometimes. Small crackles of fire gently pitter patted against Regulus’ ear drums.

Barty huffed, not an angry huff though as his typically were, this was a sorrowful disappointed huff. Is he disappointed with Regulus, Evan, or himself? Regulus sure hoped it was the latter. “What do you want me to say?” He looked up to Regulus then back down the glowing tawny fire that provided the room with light and shadows.

“I don’t want you to say something to appeal to my ear.” He warned, “I want the truth.”

Truth. Such a fragile concept. Barty bent the truth endlessly, every single day, like it was his profession. Getting the truth out of this boy was like trying to stack water.

“We were sat there and he just went to…” he shuddered, “You know.”

“I don’t know.”

Perhaps making him say it would finally make him come to terms with the hurt he has caused. Or perhaps it would help him come to terms with himself, Regulus wasn’t sure but he hoped Barty was going to realise something with even the smallest positive consequence. Barty was a stubborn bastard, he could be nice sometimes but most of the time he was a stubborn bastard.

“He tried to kiss me.” He blurted out. “Happy now?” He looked up at Regulus with accusing eyes, pulling the sage blanket further up his chest and sagging down into the sofa. He spoke through his teeth, “Fucking perv tried to kiss me.”

“And because of that your response was to get up and what…? Scream at him?” He raised an eyebrow, “Doesn’t seem all that productive if I say so myself.” The only way to beat Barty’s obstinate self is to match him with blatant sarcasm- that, Regulus could do.

Barty’s eyes narrowed, “Are you saying I should have let him?”

“I don’t know.” Regulus looked off thinking of Dorcas’ words and then back at Barty, “Did you want him to?” A deep shade of crimson overtook Barty’s face as he racked his mind for an answer. Enrage or possible embarrassment? Regulus wasn’t sure. He paused, “Why are you so disgusted by Evan but when it came time to get James Potter to fall madly in love with me you jumped at the opportunity.” The question had plagued his mind all night as he had found it quite strange. “Seems a little hypocritical is all I’m saying.”

“Well… that’s not real!” His words pierced Regulus strangely, “And that’s just a funny little joke, lads lads lads you know, but Evan… those are real feelings. You know. It’s not like you’re going to go gallivanting off with James Potter into the sunset are you?”

“Do you want to go gallivanting off into the sunset with Evan then?” That’s what his response had surely implied- if they were basing Regulus’ hypothesis on the basic rules of the English language and sentence structure.

“I don’t know, okay?!” He exclaimed. “It’s all so bloody confusing! He’s not like any girl I’ve been with and I hate him for that! He makes me… feel things.” His eyes widened and he his lip, refraining from saying any more (clearly he hadn’t even wanted to reveal that part). ‘Feel things’ in Barty’s books could either be deep rooted emotion or sexual lust, either way Regulus believed the answer said something much bigger about Barty- something he probably wasn’t ready to accept about himself just yet.

“What kind of things?” Such a simple yet mighty question.

Barty’s eyes softened partially and they bore an expression of the loving fear you often see in young lovers. “Like I want to… I don’t know, spend the rest of my life chasing after him?”

“So your way of doing that was screaming at him and calling him perverted? Feels more like you were pushing him away.” He prompted to finally get the ball rolling at high speeds.

“Merlin!” He shouted, “Don’t bloody remind me.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, “Don’t say anything to him, this feelings extremely raw and new, like a few days new, and I don’t even know how to feel right now so just… don’t mention it to him.”

“I won’t.” He spoke through soft lips, “It’s not my place to say anything. However, I would suggest going and apologising. What you did was bloody awful and not okay in any respect, not even if deep bellow you have some hidden desire for him that you’re just coming to terms with. So apologise. Not now, you’re both still hot with emotion and that would only add fuel to this massive bonfire you’ve bloody created.”

He lifted the right corner of his lips up, “Yeah, I’ll speak to him tomorrow if he’ll let me.”

Silence.

“So when did you start, ‘feeling things’.” He chuckled.

Regulus loved his new empty classroom, it was so peaceful and calm and free from all interruption. He sat quietly in the window sill reading the potions book making more annotations of where to acquire the ingredients and small tips and tricks he had learnt that would make the potion easier to brew and overall more effective. Outside the sun was still high in the sky, it was midday and everyone was prancing around the castle as they did on the early of a Saturday. He could hear light sounds of shouting from the courtyards, far far bellow but not enough to make out or even pay attention to. Just a low hum in the background, like a crackling fire.

Upon realising he was done for the day he made a quick scribble on his parchment to remember to get some ingredients on the next hogsmede trip and he headed out the door. He weaved through the corridors, avoiding collisions with people who couldn’t stick to one side of the corridor, holding his bag tight to his chest in order to make sure its contents didn’t find their way spilled out across the floor. In the confusion he turned what I thought was a corner only to see, a small alcove clearly taken up by Dorcas and… Marlene McKinnon.

Oh shitting hell.

He had turned a corner to catch the two leaning against a wall (and in an awfully aggressively fashion) going at each other faces as if they’d never kiss again. Regulus felt as bile rose abruptly in his throat in the most ‘I’m so glad my friend is happy and feels loved’ way. They hadn’t noticed him yet but upon clearing his throat to rid it of the bile they both snapped around Dorcas looking on with horror while Marlene looked awfully pissed off. Sorry Marlene, Regulus apologised in his head after interrupting a song she was clearly enjoying.

He raised his hands, “Don’t let me stop you, sorry for interrupting. I’ll be on my way now.” He slung his bag back over my shoulder.

Marlene rolled her eyes, taking her hands from around Dorcas’ neck, “You’ve ruined the mood now baby Black.” She placed her hands on her hips, using one first to wipe off some smudged lipstick.

“What did you just call-“

“How are you Reg?” Dorcas perked up, sliding herded down the wall to sit. Regulus joined her.

“Fine.”

“I heard there was a commotion the other night, Barty and Evan. Let me guess… one of them realised.” She let out a low laugh.

“Yep.” He huffed, “I was the one up till the crack of dawn sorting out their shitting emotions.” He turned to face her, “Never leave me alone and in charge of feelings ever again… especially theirs Dorky.” If he could hire a manger to handle his own feelings Regulus knew his quality of life would drastically improve.

Marlene turned to Dorcas and whispered into her ear with a chuckle, he didn’t hear much but the name James Potter and the phrase ‘likes him so much’ were most defiantly used and he froze. He knew that the entire Gryffindor house probably knew about James’ new found feelings for him by now, and it must be soon that he receives a box of snakes on Sirius’ behalf. However it didn’t make the confirmation of people actually perceiving him to be in relations with James Potter any less staggering.

Dorcas jumped up, “I’m just going to pop to the loo. Be right back.” She stared at Marlene intently and gave her a small cock of her head to indicate something, “Maybe you should…” and then she’d gone round the corner leaving Regulus with the Gryffindor he’d never sparked up conversation with once conversation with.

Marlene appeared to understand what she was talking about and rattled with it inside her head for a moment. “So…” she leaned her head towards Regulus playfully as she hugged her knees into her chest, “Had any good banter recently.”

His eyes narrowed.

“What are you up to?”

She gasped and raised her hands in a false offence, her cheekiness was not forgotten. “Me? Up to something? Baby Black I think you have me mistaken for someone else.” She laughed.

“Please rid me of that atrocious nickname.”

She hummed, “He was right, you do speak like someone straight out of Shakespeare.”

“Who?”

“Oh never mind, something Remus talks about a lot.” She brushed her comments off the returned back to her playfulness, “Had any good cake recently?”

He looked like a dog hearing the word ‘treat’ as his head snapped up so violently it was possible to have broken his neck. What did she know and how much had James said. Also if she had any information on where said cake was from he was going to get it from her even if he had to crucio her for it.

She burst out into a fit of laughter, “He said that would work.” She slapped her knee. Actually. Slapped. Her knee. Her face was wide and brimming with laughter and it was hard to not find it contagious, she was awfully overwhelming and abrupt but unmistakably a girl to light up a room. “I think I see what he’s always saw in you.” She smiled looking Regulus in the eye, “Be gentle though with him alright, that boy wears his bloody heart on his sleeve.” She paused, “No!” She laughed, “He practically tosses his heart around like the quaffle.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, crossing his arms too, “Awfully sweet of you but James doesn’t like me like that.” He shook his head, “I’m just his thing of the week.”

Her eyebrows furrowed and she scrunched her nose up, “I don’t think you are Regulus…”

Little did she know.

Evening damp was high in the air and the clouds indicated it was going to rain soon, so Regulus made sure to get in some astronomy tower time while he still could. Quietly he slipped out of the dorm and found himself tiptoeing around the common room where Barty was still sleeping for the sake of everyone’s state of mind. Once he saw that the corridors were clear he rushed through them, softening his echoing syncopated footsteps every now and again when they dominated the sound of the corridors. His feet pressed softly into the grass with a small rustle and then he made his way up countless stone stairs that advertised his presence to the air partials through gentle echoes.

The astronomy towers air was disrupted by the presence of another person, a person who Regulus was now beginning to expect. He wondered though when this was going to end, when the Amortentia would be done running through his blood to his brain and would diffuse out of him, it didn’t appear to be happening anytime soon though.

“No cake today?” He raised an eyebrow.

James rubbed a hand on the back of his neck, “Sorry I forgot to make some, I’ll be sure to bring some next time.” Next time… would there even be a- wait… make?

Regulus stepped into the outside, air brushing past his face, leaving its kiss in his blushed cheeks, “You make that cake?”

James actually smacked himself, “Yeah.” He let out a self deprecating chuckle, “Guilty pleasure I suppose.” He hunched his shoulders, clearly displaying a sense of regret for the slip up in his words.

“Where do you even get the time, resources or space to do that?”

“The kitchen elves have taken a liking to me.” He smiled wide and toothy, displaying his affection for them and pride, “Usually I borrow some ingredients and take them to the room of requirement to be out of their hair… do elves even have hair?” His mind wandered off. “Yeah, sorry it’s stupid.”

“No.” Regulus jumped in quickly and then hummed to brush off his sudden interruption. Shaking his head, “You’re really good at it, I would have thought it was surely a Honeydukes find, just assumed they decided to branch out into some muggle delicacy’s. That’s talent there James.” He nudged James’ arm reassuringly with an elbow. In recent days he had found himself being sickeningly nice to James and was beginning to question his own motives. “Where did you learn to bake like that?”

James’ eyes softened, opening himself up to the conversation, “My mum.” He smiled, “Though she never taught me that particular recipe she always loved traditional cooking, wanted to keep my Spanish pallet alive I suppose.”

“Well…” another nudge to his arm (Regulus wondered what was wrong with him), “she did a dam good job.”

He seems falters and his eyes appeared warm, “…Thanks. Though I assume you don’t particularly like my mum much.”

“Huh?” This conversation had whisked him away and James’ harsh words brought him crashing back down. What on earth was he going on about?

“You know… ‘stealing’ Sirius and all. I suppose that’s how you see it.” He was hesitantly testing the waters and looked scared shitless doing it.

“I…” was utterly gagged? Was flabbergasted? Was completely taken aback by his abruptness. “What Sirius did was his own decision, you lot just have soft enough hearts to make sure he wasn’t homeless while making that decision.”

“By soft do you mean tender or weak?”

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.”

James looked displeased, “Do you ever miss him?” He stepped over an imaginary line, a line Regulus must of drawn up years ago and hadn’t even realised he had. But this line was spiked and had barbed wire.

“Why are you here James?” Or more accurately, ‘when is this bloody Amortentia going to wear off?’

James shrugged, “Is it such a crime to talk with a friend?”

“We’re not friends James.” On the imaginary scale of friendship Regulus had, James was far off it, possibly not even on the paper. Friendship isn’t how anyone would describe him and James’ relationship.

“Are we not?” He was not hurt, he was simply curious.

“No.” Regulus shook his head, silk black curls falling on his face, “Friends have those tough conversations with each other, they share mutual experience, they spend time with each other. We are not friends James.”

James shook his head with a dismissive expression, “Hate to break it to you Reggie but we do all those things, so by your own criteria we are in fact… most defiantly friends.”

“Why does everyone insist on giving me nicknames today? And why must you insist on calling me that one?” He surely must know.

“Which one?”

“The one that belonged to Sirius’ mouth.” He blurted out before he formed a coherent thought, seemed like today was the day of doing that.

“Oh.” He paused, “Is that why you don’t like it? Bloody hell, sorry I thought you just didn’t like nicknames so I used it to get under your skin. Sorry I didn’t-“

“I don’t mind when you use it.” What was he even saying? Merlin, shut up! It was like he was under the imperius curse. Or maybe it was comforting to know that James calling him that nickname would emulate the same feeling as the last time Sirius had called him that. There was a piece of Sirius’ soul in James’ so maybe it brought a strange sense of solace.

“Okay… Reggie.” Testing the waters once more, “I like that we’re friends.”

“Sure.” He grinned sarcastically, “If you’re willing to get yourself killed by Sirius then go for it”.

He shrugged, “He can’t stay mad at me for too long. I mean… who could get mad at this handsome face?” He teased. Sirius and James were perfect for each other. Platonic soulmates as they called it. This clearly demonstrated this, they were on the same wavelength. “So does that mean Regulus Black that if Sirius would attempt to kill me you would be my friend?”

“Your mind works in mysterious ways James Potter.” He breathed in utter disbelief.

“Thank you! I love it when people tell me that, indicates that my plan is working.”

Chapter Text

Hogsmede was obnoxiously loud today. With the mix of students running around gleefully like crazed toddlers and the general hustle and bustle of the pubs; it was safe to say it was chaotic. Winter dawned on England and the small sheet of glistening silver snow allowed the weak light of the sun to shine directly into your eyes. Regulus kept a small umber scarf around his neck and was ever so grateful when he would pass someone who had taken it upon themselves to cast a warming charm that he was all too lazy to cast. Though cold, the sun shone down hard and when shifting your head the wrong way you would get an eye full of it.

When his vision had restored he glanced down at the small list he had scrawled on a scrap piece of paper. Powdered root of Asphodel had been ticked off and all he had left to purchase for the day was the infusion of wormwood. Turning a sharp corner he made my way into a small dark dreary shop that the suns light seemed to neglect. Scuffed black bricks made up the building and he entered through a cracked wooden door that appeared to be falling off its hinges.

Upon stepping inside the air went cold, a chill went down his spine. How on earth can it be colder inside than out? The walls were bare as the same barren brick as the outside, covered with more cobwebs he supposed. Dirtied floorboard creaked bellow his feet, they seemed to of been made out of a fine oak once but now were riddled with dust and stains. Shelves loomed overhead and looked as though everything would topple on Regulus if he took a slightly harsh step. He walked carefully around the table covered in strange artefacts in the centre of the room and made his way to the counter in which a lady sat.

She watched him intently and twirled her grey hair that was more reminiscent of straw than hair. He wanted to say she was a woman however the hairs on her chin wavered him from doing so. A strange lady indeed.

“I need some infusion of wormwood.” He spoke rather bluntly. When he was only met with a blank stare he added, “Please.” With a flicker of a smile. In and out. He only needed this and then he could leave this foresaken building- that was what he told myself.

“That’s not all you’re looking for?” She started rather ominously, “They’re is something else you’re searching for isn’t there?”

He stared down at his list, “Well there is a few other things but I am unable to purchase them-“ Regulus began to mumble to myself.

“You pure bloods, such a black and white mind.” She uttered, muttering something else about blood purity under her breath while fixing something bellow Regulus’ line of sight.

“Excuse me?” He recoiled his head and gripped his parchment closer to his chest now. Suddenly the shop got a gust of wind knocking a small bottle off the shelf, landing on a small rug that prevented it from shattering and spilling out all over the floor.

She didn’t flinch, not even a blink, she remained with her black beady eyes on Regulus’, “You know what I’m taking about… you know deep in your soul what you are searching for.”

Sometimes he really thought being a muggle must be a real pleasure, not having old crones screech weird cryptic messages down your ear. But then again… what’s was life without an old crone in your ear?

A glare. “Right. Well, thanks for the prophecy now if you don’t mind I would appreciate some infusion of wormwood if you can do that for me.” He stated matter of factly trying to brush over her obscene comments.

Slowly she bent down with her knees, her eyes not leaving mine. Regulus slowly blinked and shuddered to try and get rid of the feeling- the feeling she knew something he didn’t. Her bony fingers wrapped tightly around the bottle that had come crashing to the floor and slowly she rose back up and eerily pushed it on the counter. He read the label ‘infusion of wormwood’.

Convenient he supposed, “Well thank you.” He picked it up placing it into his satchel. “How much will that be?” He pulled out a pouch of galleons his parents had given him for the school term.

“Oh this is not a shop of monetary exchange dear Regulus.” Her eyes turned darker, in the most literal sense. What was once a light emerald green now was an obsidian black that stared back at me.

“How did you-“ He slid a few galleons over the table, “Right, well I really must be-“

Her hand grasped Regulus’ and held it down to the table, he couldn’t move. A tight gasp. Hard piercing eyes stared through him, “When it wears off all that was… will remain, what remained was always true, though it may be to your disdain.” She spoke in rhyming couplets, in a musical fashion. It echoed the sound of ancient chants and religious hymns. She’s continued, “Don’t forget this my dear boy; for it shall be him to tend to the fire inside your soul.”

“Thank you!” He snatched his hand from hers and glided out of the shop, his force knocking over a small plant pot. The bitter cold of the outside felt like the warmth of a fire, how on earth had he ended up speaking to some crazy old lunatic?

Her words bounced off the curves of Regulus’ skull though, the fire that tends to his soul. Never had he muttered this phrase aloud and now he had seen it thrown back at his face with such force and he couldn’t help but think of it personally. He had only used these words in his mind when thinking of James on the occasion.

Walking quickly he sharply turned a corner muttering to myself, “What a bloody- agh!” He jumped when he turned down a small alley to be met with Lupin’s face. Regulus’ quivering hand found its place on his chest and he heaved in and out, trying to regain his breath that he had uprooted with exasperated pants.

Remus let out a small breath of smoke, “You seem tense.” A small smirk and chuckle to himself and then his head turned back to face the blank stone wall in front of him.

“What are you doing here?” Regulus spoke through heavy breathing. Merlin why couldn’t he catch his breath?

“Smoking a fag, if you don’t mind.” He gestured to a small cigarette in his hand a small flick of his wrists and ash fluttered down from it and into the snow. Small flecks of ash dusted the tip of his leather boots.

Regulus’ cold stung face writhed in disgust, “Filthy muggle habit.”

He shrugged, taking another drag of his cigarette dismissively, “Well, I am the filthy muggle boy who your brother spends his days with, I’m sure your family would be thrilled to see the filthy muggle habits their son has picked up in recent days.”

He froze up at Remus’ words. The way he reiterated Regulus’ own words back at him as if they meant everything and nothing to him, simultaneously. He watched Regulus’ face ever so intently and he did just the same to him, something changed behind his eyes. “Wow.” He hummed to himself, “You didn’t like that did you? I would have thought by now comments about your brother weren’t a bother to you, but alas you’ve proven me wrong. Sorry I suppose it was rather mean. I am still a tad hungover from the party last night.”

“Party?” He held his gaze, “There wasn’t a quidditch match yesterday?”

Remus watched Regulus’ face in what looked like a state of disbelief, he shook it off with an exhale of smoke, “Does one need an excuse for a party?” He imitated a posh voice as he spoke.

“A party without basis isn’t tasteful.”

“When have we ever been tasteful?” The word tasteful left his tongue like venom. It was vicious and attacked both Regulus’ heart and mind. The silence was staggering and he watched Regulus’ eyes so carefully. He sighed. “Did you really forget?” Regulus furrowed his eyebrows. He pinched the bridge of his nose, “It was Sirius’ birthday yesterday.”

Oh.

He hadn’t known that.

Had he forgotten this or blocked it out of his memory when he left?

“Did you actually forget that.” He winced, “Merlin, Regulus!”

“Me and Sirius are no longer on the same path of life, why would I know when his date of birth is?” Speak clean and clinical. That’s what his mother had always told them- allow no bias or personal opinion to barge through. Just keep it to cold hard facts. He had adapted his speech to suit this however Sirius’ words always seemed to be laced with intense desire and emotion. A certain ferocity that could only be emulated by him. As Regulus’ believed, it was Sirius’ greatest weakness.

“How can you even speak like that?” He narrowed his eyes.

“Like what?”

He paused.

Then he spoke;

“Like Sirius did when he left.”

Silence.

A crunch in the snow.

“Every conversation we have is about Sirius, you always seem to circle back to this whole ‘you sound like him’ thing. Are you not your own person Remus? Or just Sirius’ odd little messenger?” He ran through his words, hitting them across Remus’ face to try and get something back from the talk boy.

He never seemed awfully affected by what he had to say, “I’m enough of my own person to see how stubborn the both of you are. I am simply trying to be a humble servant to fix your brotherly bond.” He chuckled at his own words laced with irony. “I mean… they don’t call me Remus the family fixer for nothing.”

“No one calls you that Lupin.”

He bit his cheek in a joking sadness, “Your right.” He hummed, “Not yet they don’t.”

After the conversation with Lupin had dried up they had went their separate ways. Upon turning a corner he was met with Sirius standing right in front of him, his eyes were narrowed and he was clearly looking around for something or someone. Oh. The last time he had spoke to Sirius he was screaming and flailing at him and making low blows- equally Regulus had scrounged on top of him and attempted to break his jaw. No one was around to witness the pair this time, anything could be done or said and for some reason he believed that would keep them from resorting to violence, they would turn to a force they could always weaponise- words. He watched Regulus, shifting his shoulders away from him as if he was ridden with a disgusting disease, Regulus supposed that in Sirius’ eyes he was. They both stopped in front of each other- they were both self destructive he supposed, a normal person would walk straight past their estranged brother but they just stared.

This was a loud echo of the first time they had seen each other after he left- the train to Hogwarts. Regulus had watched on distraught as he hugged the Potters goodbye in a tight embrace that he hadn’t even attempted to give Regulus the night he left. He hadn’t said a word to him. At that station he stared Regulus down over James’ dad’s shoulder and closed his eyes in disappointment. No words had been exchanged between them that day and the majority of the days which followed.

Back to the present though- he folded his arms in front of Regulus, staring me down. “Tell Mum and Dad thank you for the card.”

It was sarcastic of course, they both knew he hadn’t received anything from their parents; they liked their stance to be known through subtle jabs. That’s where they both got it from Regulus guessed. For example when Sirius had come back one year with long hair they had held a dinner party for the sole purpose of allowing guests to scrutinise him, he then returned to hogwarts with a freshly shaven head that year (a choice he made of his own free will). Or when test marks were low, then so were the potions at dinner. That was the way of Walburga and Orion Black

“Happy birthday Sirius.” Regulus sighed and walked on past him, he would not indulge in his fight picking.

As he passed Sirius turned and grabbed him by his shoulder. Maybe he had miscalculated, maybe they would turn to violence, “Is that all you have to say to me?” He didn’t raise his voice, but he didn’t have to, his hand dropped by his side in anguish. It was a tone Regulus saw all too frequently with his mother. Regulus stood there frozen and as he looked at Sirius he saw… her.

“Oh I’m sorry.” He cleared his throat, “Happy birthday Sirius, I hope you had a great day.”

His eyes shifted off to the side and he bit his cheek, “You’re a real cold bitch you know that!”

Silence. No response. Don’t engage.

Regulus remembered those distinguished words from his mother’s letter a few months ago when she had given him advice on how to deal with Sirius’ pathetic little outbursts.

“I don’t know why I try to help you.” His face scrunched as if he had bitten a lemon.

“Help me? When have you ever helped me?” Regulus was outraged by his brother’s blunt audacity. All he ever did for Regulus was make things worse, more tense at home, more people to hate him. When had he ever helped?

“Yes! Like that night in the-“ he stopped himself and shook his head. He picked up his feet and began to leave, “Go to hell Reggie.”

Reggie…

Sirius was out of sight but when James potter came bounding round the corner like a powerful stag. He was sprinting and came to a stop in front of Regulus, holding a hand to his chest while panting. “Oh hey Reggie,” that nickname again, this was the third time James had called him that and Regulus seemed to love it every time, “Didn’t expect to see you here, have you seen-“

Walk away. Walk away for Merlin’s sake. Instead he stood still, not taking in a word of what James was saying but he also was not leaving. His eyebrows were furrowed and he looked around frantically as he spoke, though to Regulus it just came out as a blur in the background. “Hey,” he cocked his head, “Are you alright Reggie?”

Regulus watched James’ eyes intently and then… he stormed off.

The night was restless, as he watched out from the astronomy tower the supposed silence was pierced and broken by cries in the night. Though most people wouldn’t describe leaves rustling or crickets chirping as cries, to Regulus in that moment it sounded like screeching. A beautiful half moon hung in the sky and it was this evening that you could see the planet mars if you focused your eyes. Short snappy gusts of wind would occasionally play the wind chime which hung above and it added an ambience. Though he had wrapped up in endless, coats, scarves, hats and gloves he was still beyond freezing.

His mind fluttered back to the conversation with Sirius, then to his discussion with Lupin and then finally landed on the strange prophecies. His mother had always told him never to listen to old hags- their cryptic messages were merely jives. However he couldn’t help but think about the words she had said, the very specific phrasing she had used… it was deeply unsettling. Usually when situations like this aroused he would stare at the stars for some consolation.

This evening in contrast he did not watch the stars, he watched the doorway. Looking into its warm light from the cold darkness he had surrounded himself with. He watched it with a wanting for hope. And then said hope appeared.

James stood in the doorway, shifting his hands slightly. “I thought I’d find you here.” He offered Regulus a weak smile, which he took and exhaustedly tried to offer back. “I think I know what earlier was about.” He moved through the doorway with grace that was unlike James, he took a seat on the ground beside Regulus and pushed something into my hand, “I haven’t had a chance to make any more cake but I thought this wouldn’t go amiss.”

He looked down into his shivering palm that now had a small chocolate bar in it and he smiled.

“But just… don’t tell Remus I raided his stash.” He chuckled.

Regulus pretended to zip up his lips and James’ chuckle turned into a hearty laugh. He tossed his head back and all.

“So… you know what earlier was about?” He raised an eyebrow quizzically, playing with the foil of the chocolate in his hand.

“You um… bumped into each other earlier?” James clarified and Regulus slowly nodded, “Sirius came back in some angry state that he ‘couldn’t believe your attitude and behaviour, blah blah blah.” He did a silly impression of his voice, “I’m assuming he was over reacting?”

Regulus shook his head, “I suppose to Sirius he wasn’t over reacting, I made a sarcastic comment, he berated me and then I snapped back. You know? Our unusual.” It was the Black brothers constant state that they shared.

“Sirius said something earlier, something about losing his baby brother.” He didn’t look Regulus in the eye when he spoke, suppose he couldn’t bring himself to do it, “But I wish he could see,” he turned to face Regulus with soft eyes, “his baby brothers right here.”

Regulus sighed and looked down at his feet which he shuffled awkwardly on the floor, “Not anymore James.” James seemed to deflate upon hearing Regulus’ depressingly cynical words, “I’m sure Sirius wouldn’t be thrilled to know you’re talking to me, and giving me chocolate bars.” He toyed gently with the bar in his hand, gently tapping it in the palm of his hand, the cool foil that wrapped around it stung his hand.

“Eh.” He shrugged, “What Sirius doesn’t know can’t hurt him.” How could he have such a careless attitude? Regulus began to feel this overwhelming sense of guilt due to this Amortentia, he had lost his entire sense of self- all his loyalty and moral compass.

“Don’t you feel like… a traitor?”

“What?” He raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t know.” Regulus shrugged, “It just that well… you’re a loyal person James. Everyone knows that, and right now by talking to me you’re going behind Sirius’ back. Why sacrifice what you have with Sirius for a few shoddy conversations with me?”

James sighed, “I love Sirius, I love all of them. You know… Pete and Remus and my girls but… yeah I speak to them about everything. Well everything I want them to know. You and I have a different thing, I think we understand each other on a different level.”

Regulus shook his head once more, getting fed up with James’ affection that had a timer placed upon it, “Stop that James.”

“What?” He repeated.

“Stop talking like I mean something to you.”

He blinked and watched Regulus’ face with a sad expression on his own, “Reggie, you do mean something to me.” He leaned forward, staring at the younger Black intently with furrowed eyebrows

“No I don’t.”

This Amortentia gig was killing Regulus and he simply couldn’t do it anymore. It never seemed to end. The longer it went on the longer it seemed James gave a shit about him but then James would forget and Regulus would go back to no longer have any of this. He had to nip his affections the bud before he became attached to their evening conversations in this tower. Could he do that without killing James was the question.

“Why don’t you think you mean something to me Regulus?” His eyes were trained on him and he spoke lowly, almost whisper like.

“Well… you’re not in the right frame of mind.” That was code for ‘you’re basically drugged with a love potion for me’.

Profusely, he shook his head, “I most defiantly am.”

“You most defiantly are not.” Regulus snorted with the knowledge of something James didn’t know.

“Why then?” He cocked his head with intrigue, “I’d love to know why you think that.”

Well Regulus supposed he was caught there like a fish.

“You’re never in the right frame of mind James.”

They sat in a small mutual silence for a while, he watched the stars and James watched… well James watched Regulus. There were a few small scuffles of shoes and the wind would occasional blow a hair or two into Regulus’ mouth. It was a sight really, a beautiful messy sight. A sight of chaos that was the two of them, that shouldn’t be observed by anyone- no one at all. The two could sit and exist in their own chaos, it would be their chaos together. Regulus began to mourn something that hadn’t even passed her, something in his core tugged and he felt himself grasping at ropes to not lose it.

“Has someone ever given you a prophecy?” James broke the silence carefully.

“Huh?” His mind immediately went back to this mornings crone.

“Well it’s just… this morning in hogsmede I went into a shop and this old lady said some awfully cryptic things about like the gaining and forgetting and like… the ocean and it was, well it was weird. Have you ever had anything like that, you know with how weird your relatives are.”

An old lady telling James prophecies in hogsmede? Nothing to be concerned about at all, “Nope, never.” Lying through his teeth had become somewhat of a second language to Regulus now.

He let out, “Those prophecies they just, reminded me of y-“ he shook his head, “doesn’t matter.”

“Okay.” And they drifted off into their well known sound of silence once more.

Chapter Text

The hidden room was quiet, beautifully gorgeously quiet. Not silent however, a small humming emanated from somewhere that Regulus could not pinpoint. He had prepared some of the ingredients he had acquired at hogsmede the other day. Small scuffles, taps, scrapes of quills and eventually he had done all he could do for the day. He packed his bags and shifted on his heels to head towards the library in order to study up some more on how to make this potion in the most effective way he could.

The corridors were as busy as they always were but Regulus always noticed the closer he got to the library the quieter those once concentrated corridors were. Regulus thought it to be sad how unappreciated the Library always seemed to be but he always did enjoy the quietness. Sharply he turned a corner to-

“I don’t know why you’re being like this Pete.” He heard Sirius hiss to someone beyond the wall, his tone was irritated and laced with razor sharp malice.

Quickly Regulus backed round the corner to stay hidden, be didn’t leave however. A quarrel (especially involving his brother) always peaked his interest as he was of the nosey sort and this bargained to be a good one from the hissy tone that Regulus could place- it came from Sirius’ throat rather than diaphragm, he was desperate and throwing a fit.

“Cause you’re being a complete and utter arsehole Sirius!” He heard the enraged voice of Peter Pettigrew match Sirius’ tone, his words bouncing off the walls. Peter’s feet quickly shuffled as if to leave the situation but then a small thud, Sirius had roughly tugged him back by his arm.

“I’m being an arsehole? That’s rich Pete. How am I being an arsehole?!” Sirius demanded. His ignorance transcended through the walls to Regulus’ ears.

“You keep speaking about Regulus as if he’s dead. As if you’re mourning a loss or something.” Peters voice was raspy and exhausted.

Regulus sighed, it was something about him he thought. Though he supposed it was always about him. How could it not be with Sirius? From the second he left that house for the Potters home he had pinned all his blame, guilt and anger on Regulus. Regulus wore those emotions of Sirius’ like they were accessories, he had quietly accepted them and allowed Sirius to force more upon him like a pack horse.

“I am! I am grieving my baby brother for Merlin’s sake Pete! Why won’t you get it? He’s dead!” Sirius screeched hoarsely with hyperbole in his words, and Regulus shuddered as he was declared dead to Peter and the castles air, that had turned awfully chilly now.

“No he’s not!” Peter sounded exhausted and depleted. His voice had a slight wobbled to it. “Just because you can’t dare to have a civil conversation with him because you’re too bloody up your own arse, does not mean he’s dead! And I think you’re being a little insensitive after everything that happened to me these past few months.”

“Oh yeah of course, this is typical you Pete, you just make it about yourself.”

“Your brother is alive and kicking Sirius! Sure he’s a little fucked up and worse for wear but he’s alive. You can speak to him, talk to him! I will never have that. My sister is dead Sirius! Sue is dead and all you can find the words to talk about is Regulus! ”

“And it’s people like Regulus that put her in her grave Pete! Those death Easter’s at that muggle bar are just like Regulus. If it hadn’t of been then it would have been him!” Sirius snapped back almost immediately. Regulus’ mind turned a few pages back and remembered the Monday morning where the Slytherin table had hunched over The Daily Prophet to read about the death eater attack at the muggle bar, the words Barty had said about his brother. Regulus froze, he had felt so detached before, he came to terms with the fact that real people had died that day. Real people like Peter’s sister.

Peter went dead silent, Regulus heard a small shuffle of feet and then a sigh, “You’re one heartless git Sirius, you know?”

Pete came bounding round the corner, he locked eyes with Regulus, Peter froze as if he had seen a ghost, or at least the ghost of a man he wasn’t supposed to speak to. Taking in a shaky breath, Peter quickly pushed past him.

Sirius quickly followed behind him. Eye contact. A blink. Regulus’ voice turned cold, he held disdain for the way Sirius had spoken to Pettigrew (even if the two weren’t the closest)“You’re dead to me too Sirius.”

Regulus never did get any studying done in the library that day.

To distract himself from Sirius and Peters exchange, and also delay returning to his common rooms still tense environment, he took himself to the courtyards almost on autopilot. Entrapped by the aromatic smell of old, well rooted trees Regulus moved his way to his favourite shaded willow tree almost by force of habit, sitting down on the same familiar patch of dewy green grass that he had adopted as his own, a book about runes loosely placed in his lap. Regulus embraced the courtyards silence and took it in his stride.

Silence being disrupted had become an all too familiar phenomenon in his life as of late and that day was no different, “Reggie!” The sweetened voice of James Potter whispered behind him. “Thought I’d find your nerdy arse reading a book in our schools lovely grounds.” He beamed and sat down cross legged on the grass before Regulus, the hill making his eyes sit shiver James’ tall here. Regulus appreciated that it may be the first time he looked down upon James and so he took extra care to gaze at him from the new found angle.

Something disrupted to neutral feeling in his chest as James peered up at him through his doe eyes, Regulus panicked and threw his attention into retorting a response at James, “There’s a difference between being a nerd and being educated James my dear.” Regulus let the nickname side out of his mouth without even thinking, it had become present he’d been spending far too much time around Barty.

“That’s what a nerd would say… my dear.” James grinned cheekily up at Regulus who blinked back at him, his cheeks growing red. “I’ll tell you a secret though Reggie,” he whispered and lightly held the black cotton of Regulus’ trouser cuffs. The tiniest brush of James’ delicates fingers on Regulus’ ankle was enough tension for him to need to retire to a fainting couch like a wealthy Victorian woman. Regulus scolded himself for the way he reacted to James’ playful contact. James continued, “… I like ‘em that way.” He showed Regulus a toothy grin.

Regulus caught himself chuckling at James’ idiocy before freezing- knowing what James was implying and knowing how it made Regulus feel ever so fluttery and light as a feather.

Scenes of his mother scolding his brother for similar actions to James’ flashed through his mind. Slowly and painfully his mind played images of Sirius’ bruised ribs and the red marks on his cheek on those days he would throw glances to the young chef or new stable boys and Regulus shuddered. Guilt hung on his conscience and it made him feel dirty, one of James’ signature wide toothy grins however was enough for him to be washed clean of that dirt and live solely in that moment, admiring the way the delicate sunset lit up the left side of James’ face making it glow up golden.

James’ face screwed up, “Reggie?” He prompted, cocking his head in Regulus’ direction, “Lots in admiration of my drop dead looks and handsomeness are you?” He had joked trying to lighten the mood and Regulus tensed.

Immediately Regulus wanted to dive in and deny James’ foolish joke and yet he didn’t. He couldn’t. He wasn’t a liar… most of the time. Because he had been admiring James, he’d done much more than admire in fact. He’d gone through an entire revelation in the time it took for James to simply flash his oh so welcoming smile that Regulus wanted to press his own mouth to.

The though terrified Regulus, the thought he was going in the same traitorous direction as his brother. Regulus’ stomach dropped as he realised he was selfishly dreaming of a life with James, a Gryffindor, a blood traitor and much worse; a man.

Quick.

Regulus stepped up from where he had sat down, the book on his lap coming crashing down to the floor and he ran. He ran through the courtyard, knocking into students merely appreciating the late afternoon scenery, he ran through the corridors like a madman, he ran through the library, he ran to the boys bathroom. It had only registered to him upon facing himself in the desilvering mirrors that James had called after him, asking why he was upset.

Regulus’ stomach was all in knots as he thought of James, the boy who had transformed his life and worldview in a mere four weeks.

Four weeks.

Four weeks was all it took James to have Regulus wrapped around his finger and madly in love with him. Twenty eight days were all it took for Regulus to understand his brother’s disgusting habits and bile rose in his throat at the thought. He stared deeply into his eyes that threatened tears and saw something else, a spark. A terrifying flame that threatened to burn him down and force him to rebuild himself from the ground up. Simultaneously however the spark filled his stomach with warmth and made him feel comforted. James was that flame.

How could one brunette boy make him feel so polarised- desire to chase the boy, throw away his life. And then was the fear of throwing it all away, he could push the feelings down if he really tried. Regulus knew his obligation, he knew the death sentence that came with embracing that his first love was the person it was and yet, James was making him want to throw that obligation out the window.

The worst of it all was that the feelings exploding in Regulus’ stomach were real, not synthesised by a love potion, James’ weren’t real. Tears stung his eyes as his fist collided with the mirror, it cracking and fragmenting beneath his knuckles. Bitterly the sting of crimson blood trickled out his skin as the sting of tears left his eyes. It left him with a moment of clarity, staring down at his bloodied hands.

A breath in. A breath out.

Slowly, he twisted the tap and let the pure water wash away his wicked blood, blood that flowed with sinful desires for a boy that Regulus had tricked into loving him.

Translucent streaks of bloodied water pooled at the bottom of the sink and Regulus stared down at it, watching his sins collect at the bottom of the bowl and he ran from that too. Wiping his hands on his robe he ran to the Slytherin common room and prayed that he would be granted the comfort of it being empty.

He burst into the room, the fizzing sting of the cuts on his knuckles burning, and he saw Dorcas sat calmly watching the crackling fire. As the door slammed behind him, Dorcas’ attention turned quickly to Regulus who was frozen in the doorway holding his bruising hand. Without a second thought she ran to him and pulled him into an embrace, pulling him onto the velvet chaise lounge along with her. She looked upon him with the same careful eyes she gave everyone in moments of desperation and despair. “Regulus are you-“

“How do you tell someone you’re upset because you love them?” Regulus quickly interjected. The words coming out before he could even think.

“Oh.” She frowned, her eyes softening, “You’re in love regulus?” It wasn’t much of question, more of a fact but Regulus still nodded. She smiled weakly, “I didn’t know you had it in you with that cold little heart of yours.” She teased, punching his shoulder to lighten the mood but after being met with Regulus’ self pitiful eyes she frowned. “Have you told this person how you feel?”

This person…

This boy…

James.

Regulus shook his head, “It will never happen Dorcas.”

Dorcas smiled bitter sweetly, “You don’t know that Regulus. You’re too absorbed in your own thoughts to hear other people’s, even if they’re screaming their feelings for you from the astronomy tower.”

The astronomy tower. Regulus thought back to the simple evenings he had spent with James admiring Regulus as Regulus selfishly admired the stars. He turned his thoughts back to words James had told him and the nicknames he’d adorned Regulus with. The sweet slices of cake declaring his affection… his counterfeit affection.

“Their feelings for me simply don’t exist Dorcas.” He shook his head. “He doesn’t-“

Frozen. It had jumped from his tongue before he knew what he was saying, Dorcas met his eyes and gave him an emphatic smile as if she’d seen this all before. Regulus supposed she had, she looked in the mirror and seen it in herself.

“Is this about… James Potter?” She said the words carefully as if they’d wound him if said too loud, Regulus thought it might actually. She knew. Though Regulus supposed Dorcas knew everything.

“I can’t love him Dorcas, I can’t.” Regulus pleaded with her, or more so himself.

Dorcas frowned, “Can’t? Why can’t you Regulus?”

“Because… because!” He declared, “That’s not what I do, I don’t love! I don’t open myself up to golden boy Gryffindors who don’t know what they’re talking about. And Black’s certainly don’t fall for people like him!” He held his face in the palm of his hands, “I can’t love a man Dorcas I can’t! My parents will have my head on a silver platter and I don’t have another home to turn to.”

He had promised himself he would never cry in front of anyone, he had also promised himself he’d do exactly what his parents wished him to do and so it seemed today was a day for breaking promises. Tears streamed down his face, leaving dark wet marks on his shirt and the sofa. Dorcas held him close.

“Oh Regulus.” She sighed, “It’s not your fault you love him.” She paused, “Despite all the nonsense your parents spout it’s not wrong for you to love him, or even want to explore things with him.” She explained gently.

“I don’t understand Dorcas. James has shattered my entire world view in a matter of minutes. No! Seconds.” Regulus wiped a test from his cheek, “All he had to do was look up at me with that stupid smile and I’m here seeing why Sirius ran. I can’t compromise every bitter truth I’ve built myself off for some sick fantasy of loving James Potter!”

“Bitter truth or bitter lie Reg?” She asked lightly and yet the question held so much weight.

Tears flowed again, “I don’t know anymore Dorcas.” He sighed, “I thought I knew right from wrong and now I’m dreaming of doing the worst… most wrong thing there is.”

Dorcas paused, “Do you think me and Marlene are doing the worst most wrong thing there is?” She wasn’t angry or upset, she was suppling Regulus with a thought.

“I… well no?” He sucked a breath through his razor sharp teeth, breathing for what felt like the first time since James had greeted him beneath that tree.

“Exactly.” She offered a warm sympathetic smile, “Because it is not wrong Reg. It’s love… that’s all it is.”

Regulus appreciated how simply Dorcas could put it. She stripped away all the guilt, pressure and anger that came with love, love like they had, she reduced it down to what it was. A soul intertwining with another soul and not wanting to untangle.

“But… it’s not just love for me Dorcas.” His lip quivered, “This isn’t the love that’s expected of me, nor deemed acceptable.”

Dorcas sighed, “I’d never want you to hide who you are Regulus but here, here at Hogwarts, they aren’t here. Your parents aren’t watching, you can be who you are. Even if that’s in secret,” her voice cracked, “It breaks me to tell you to love in secret, but if loving in secret is all you can do then I want you to at least love happily in secret.”

“But Dorcas he-“

“Shush.” Dorcas placed a gentle finger to his lips and pulled him into her shoulder and he rested his head on it gently, “You’ll never know how James feels unless you ask Regulus, I’ve seen the way he looks at you my love.”

Regulus wanted to appreciate the words but they were laced with lies unknowingly to Dorcas. James’ looks aren’t real, nor were his words and what was the worse was the fact that nothing they shared was real.

He cursed Barty and Evan and how they’d roped him into the Amortentia deal that had ultimately landed with him tragically falling in love with someone he was destined to lose.

Chapter Text

After his exhausting evening spent talking with Dorcas it was safe to say that the next morning Regulus craved the release of a distraction, any distraction he could conjure up. Automatically, on that meek Sunday morning in which birds flew high in the dull sky, he turned to the library and stuck his nose between the pages of potion book after potion book, he read each one back to front and tutted when he saw light pen scribbles left by students, he vanished them away with a quick vanishing spell and turned the page content with his work.

By one o’clock in the afternoon however he had read the entire library and had it turn his mind to something else. He took a gentle stroll down to his hidden room and checked up on the the hemlock essence and vitriol that was gently simmering away in an old iron cauldron- upon checking on its pale green colour he concluded it would be another week before the mixture could be mixed with any other substances or it would explode. He cut up some of the deadylius marsh rooms and crushed them till they were a fine power, allowing them to set in a glass jar. Quarter past two was the time he left when he had exhausted all the contents of the room and done all he could. And so he made his way to the derelict quidditch pitch and pulled a training broom from the cupboard (in much more disrepair and not as good as his own Nimbus that was in its case under his bed but it would have to do).

Without hesitation he took to the skies and soared high above the goal posts and match stands. With razor sharp speed he’d zoomed through low sitting clouds and would come out the other side with dampened skin and a rosy tinge to his particular pale cheeks. Regulus found himself ease up as he would ascend aiming to reach the sun.

Even in the crisp winter wind the sun shone down with its gentle warmth. It’s light softly wrapped cozily around his face that had previously been entrapped by chilly air. Regulus admired its beautiful ability to light up even the darkest of days- even during the darkest of nights it was still shining somewhere. The sun reminded Regulus of someone in that sense.

A sigh, a cloud of condensation formed in the cold air before his mouth, even all alone, high up in the misty sky he couldn’t escape his thoughts about James Potter; Regulus’ own little light in the darkest of night, his personal sun he had begun to keep in his pocket for rainy days.

Keeping a hand tight on the mahogany broom, he pushed his hair back with a quiveringly cold hand and descended to the ground, seeing an unfamiliar figure that stood bolted at the bottom of the quidditch pitch. As he subsided slowly, taking his time, he saw the ever glowing brassy locks belonging to a sweet seventh year Gryffindor. Lily Evans was stood straight backed in the middle of a freezing foggy Quidditch pitch, her arms wrapped tightly around herself to keep herself warm. Regulus thought she must be freezing despite the great big beige Afghan coat with white fur that looked to be straight off a goats back. Regulus had lost that cold sting as he soared through the skies and closer to the burning sun, he could only imagine how cold the Evans girl was.

Upon placing his feet on the floor he walked past her, showing a small almost friendly smile before walking past to put his broom away- he assumed why she was suffering out in the cold was to get a breath of fresh air. Regulus could appreciate she’d need time away from her chaotic common room and dormitory from time to time (just as he did most nights). He stomped over the frozen blades of grass that crunched under his feet and soon heard another pair patting down behind him. He furrowed his eyebrows and kept walking.

“Regulus!” Lily called after him sweetly, “Regulus! Could I…” Regulus turned quickly, almost too quickly as it startled the girl. He rapidly sorted out his expression making sure he wasn’t scowling in front of the one Gryffindor he didn’t entirely loath (he in fact had a weird parasocial understanding for Lily after the ordeal with James). “Oh, hi Regulus!” She beamed, shining a sugary smile at Regulus and she spoke nervously as if she hadn’t expected him to turn around at all.

“Hi Lily?” Regulus paused, “Are you… is this not fraternising with the enemy?” He attempted to crack a joke and present the tiny positive personality he had hidden away somewhere.

Lily froze for a minute, awkward and decoding his joke, upon realised he was being friendly she laughed away her worried face, “Well uh… yes I suppose it is.” She giggled and rocked forward onto her toes. “I was just wondering… well if I could have a wee word with you darling.” Regulus couldn’t help but accept when her melodic accent coated her words.

“Well I… sure. Would you like to get oh of the cold?” He offered as he watched her dither away in misty fog, wrapping her coat around her chest in desperation to escape the winds piercing gusts.

She rapidly nodded, her smile cracking from the cold, “Oh yes please, that would be lovely.”
Regulus lead her to Quidditch storeroom in which she quickly relaxed but covered her nose almost immediately covered her nose, “Merlin’s beard!” She exclaimed, “It smells like the centaurs forest in here, do they ever clean this place?” She coughed out.

Regulus shrugged, tucking a small smile into the corner of his mouth, he had gotten used to the smell now in his four years of Quidditch. “Apologise, I wanted to get you out of the cold as quickly as possible. I think your lips were turning blue back there.” He offered the friendly jest and she took it in her stride, giggling along with him.

“You are a sweetie aren’t you baby black? I see why our Jamie boy likes you so much.” She teased.

Regulus froze all of a sudden at the mention of James, he had heard Marlene say similar things just the other day to Dorcas and began to wonder how many of the Gryffindors knew about James’ knew found affection. It felt almost like a confrontation. Regulus knew James was madly in love with the beautiful Evans girl that stood before him and he only assumed that she returned the feelings to some degree. And so with her standing right in front of him, alone in a store cupboard, mentioning James to him, Regulus feared she had figured out and Regulus would have to give up the game.

She laughed, “I knew it!” Her emerald eyes lit up, she turned off to the side and muttered to herself, “I mean I had a hunch, but I had no definitive proof that you two were actually involved together! And there’s my confirmation!” She grinned radiantly, lightning up the dim store cupboard. “How long has it been going on then? Do tell me everything!” She pressed.

“Oh.” He paused, “Lily you’re gravely mistaken, me and James aren’t-“

“I mean,” she continued, not caring to pay attention to him as she dribbled on joyfully, without a single care, “It has to be at least six months hasn’t it? I noticed it back in may of last year. The boys used to say he was looking at me but Merlin he was looking past me at you wasn’t he!” She exclaimed overridden with excitement, “So tell me Reg how long has it been going on for?”

She adopted the friendly nickname almost immediately as if they’d been friends for years and Regulus didn’t seem to mind. Rather, he was too concerned with the nonsense Lily was spouting. Six months? Looking? He’d only given James the Amortentia a few weeks ago. Regulus couldn’t make sense of it and so he resorted to the habit he had adopted the past few days and he ran. He dropped the broom, said, “Nice talking Lily, I’m sorry I’ve got to go!” And ran.

That evening at dinner, even as Barty and Evan begged for his attention like dogs, Regulus was distracted with his conversation with Lily the two had shared earlier in the day. He couldn’t understand what she was saying, their conversation felt like when he had first arrived at Hogwarts and didn’t understand most English words that Barty screamed at him.

He didn’t understand.

Pandora nudged him, “Are you going to eat that Yorkshire pudding?” She pointed her thin silver fork towards the savoury side and watched Regulus intently with hungry eyes.

“Take it.” He waved her off with his hand, his eyes not wavering from in front of him, frozen solid on his full plate, the food now going cold.

Pandora happily took it and placed the Yorkshire pudding on her plate with her knife and fork and immediately tucked in. Barty and Evan exchanged a look, “Are you alright Reg? It’s unlike you to share food, are you alright?” Evan asked as Barty muttered ‘selfish git’ under his breath.

“Yeah yeah fine, I’m all…” his voice floated off and he spoke without purpose. The sound around him disintegrated until he could only hear one voice, one arranging laugh from the other side of the hall. The grounded bellows of James’ laugh traveled straight the boys mouth and to Regulus’ keen ear.

‘He was looking past me at you’, Lily’s words echoed around his brain. His brain that he felt was being actively drained of its contents as he spent more time dwelling on the subject of James Potter.

Turning his attention to the Gryffindor table he saw the back of the red locks that were shining under the great halls candle, Regulus looked past the back of Lily Evans to see the Gryffindor boy, making eye contact with him yet again.

James was in fact looking past Lily to watch Regulus… that meant nothing though right?

Even though it meant nothing, as soon as dinner ended and people began to retire to their dormitories, Regulus jumped up (to the surprise of his friends) and rushed over to Evans. He knocked over a few Hufflepuff first years in the process but was determined to reach her before she left. Marlene, Peter and Remus all exchanged the same sort of befuddled face, James look taken aback (and yet still so in love) and Sirius flashed him a disgruntled scowl as he lightly grabbed Evans wrist and pulled her down to the doors, Sirius shouted, “You can’t just steal people Regulus!” after him.

Lily was also quite bewildered as Regulus forcefully tugged her down an empty corridor and began to bombard her with questions. Staring with: “What on earth were you suggesting earlier? James doesn’t like me like that!”

Lily’s demeanour eased as he asked the question and she shook her head like a loving mother, “You don’t know that Regulus.” She smiled, her sage eye whisked away.

“I do.” He stated matter of factly, “He likes you Lily, you!” He put it as if it was a business transaction. “I know he has liked you from first year… everyone in that hall knows too!” He exclaimed, practically scandalised.

“You’re right,” she nodded and Regulus sighed in relief, “He did like me in first year. And in second, and in third, and halfway through fourth.” She laughed and then smiled tenderly, “But James is a good guy,” she paused, “I’ll tell you a secret Reg.” she flashed a devious smile, “The second me and Mary started going steady he backed off… his attention turning to something else. Or someone else I should say.” Her sly smile was one of joy, chaos and understanding.

“You and Mary are… oh.” Regulus froze but didn’t accept that for an answer. James could still be madly in love with Lily and just not want to wreck a perfectly happy relationship, couldn’t he? “I think it’s my turn for a secret now Lily…” he started.

Lily beamed with intrigue, she has prided herself as being an impartial role model as head girl but gossip was her weak spot, “Go on!” She prompted eagerly.

“He… well some Slytherins may of give him an Amortentia potion to help us win that Quidditch match after James buggered Barty’s leg and all.” He froze with his eyes closed. “Please don’t tell anyone, we hadn’t a chance after James did that, and we were angry and desperate. So we may of slipped him some Amortentia.”

Lily burst into laughter, actual teary hysterics. Her eyeliner lightly smudging as she wiped away a joyful tear, “Oh Reg I won’t dob you in, I couldn’t care less for that petty game of aggression.” She smiled, “But that game was at the start of the term though Regulus, no?”

Regulus slowly nodded.

“It’s two weeks till the end of term, isn’t it Regulus?” Lily was testing him.

Regulus slowly nodded.

“…And, in all your intelligence you must not have forgotten that even particularly strong doses of Amortentia will only last a week to a week and a half, right?”

Regulus nodded even slower.

“So do you perhaps think, in some mad crazy world, he’s been just completely and madly infatuated with you all this time by any chance?”

Abruptly he shook his head causing Lily to sigh out of frustration.

“James never acted like how he does now with me before all this though Lily!” He refuted, “He’s on Amortentia I’m telling you!” He hushed his voice as some Ravenclaw third years passed, sticking their noses in his and Lily’s quite private business.

Then she said something that shattered Regulus’ world, the ground crumbled beneath him as she said, “Amortentia doesn’t sway those already in love with the potions brewer, it simply allows them to voice their feelings. A new found confidence in a sense.” She smiled.

He paused. He never much read up on Amortentia before, it was an easy part of the school curriculum and wasn’t particularly tested on in the OWLS. Regulus, in his naivety, hadn’t learnt the ins and outs of the love potion.

“What are you… Lily what are you saying?” His voice turned deep and almost scared.

“It acts like Veritaserum mixed with a confidence boosting brew in a sense. He wouldn’t be whisked away with love or out of his mind, just simply be a bit louder. Well… louder than he already was.” She paused, “Regulus,” she let out a small giggle, “James has been lying to you for weeks!” She burst into hearty laughs, “He hasn’t been under any Amortentia since the day you gave him that potion!”

Regulus froze, his stomach dropped and his eyes widened.

“Oh Merlin!” She continued to laugh, “You two are priceless.”

He became shifty, “Thanks I guess… for this. I’m gonna… I’m gonna-“ he rocked back into the balls of heels, rubbing his forearm with his hand.

“Go find him Reggie boy!” Lily called after him and he didn’t even have time to dispute the nickname as he ran rapidly through the corridors hoping to find that deceitful, conniving little Gryffindor somewhere around the castle.

Chapter Text

Regulus’ rage was practically radiating off his skin, students in the corridors watched in terror as steam escaped from his ears. With determination, he pounded down the corridor to find James Potter, the boy who had bravely lied to him for weeks, the boy who had played him completely. Regulus was in such an intense blind rage he almost fell to his death multiple times when the stairs shifted without him noticing- Regulus was as stubborn as a wine stain though, he would not die until he had that bastard Potter in his clutch. 

Cobbled slabs beneath his feet erupted with sound as he stomped over them. He wondered how he’d let this happen, how he had let himself be deceived by James Potter who had practically teasingly taunted him for weeks upon weeks. He assumed all of James’ friends were in on it too, they had to be. Regulus thought he was playing Potter and it happened to be the other way round. It was safe to say he was livid.

In the midst of his rage he spotted the dirty cheating liar happily strutting carelessly towards the room of requirement and (as no one was around to see) Regulus bellowed after him, “You bastard! You lying bastard! James Potter I swear when I catch you!” He screeched and watched as James’ umber eyes turned from confusion to fear in a matter of seconds. With haste the brunette quickly leaped through the door, “Oh no you don’t!” Regulus screeched and jumped through the door after him.

He was met with a similar sight as the other day, a cosy common room style place: small sofas, red wallpapered walls, rugs galore and so much more. It was a mere moment before he had James’ robes in his clutch and he propelled the Gryffindor against the small, his back hitting it with a thump and a wince. “You haven’t been on Amortentia have you? I think you’ve got some explaining to do Potter!” His volume picked up.

James deflated as Regulus regressed back to the use of his surname, “I’ve got some explaining to do Regulus? Maybe you should start by telling me why you tried to dose me up on it in the first place!” James screeched, scandalised and outraged.

“You-“ it was a long story that Regulus didn’t even want to begin to cover, “We’ll get into that later, if you’re even alive to see later. So what, you’ve never really been on Amortentia and you’ve just played me? Have you made this a little joke in your little group, I bet that shifty eyed Remus rat was in on it all along wasn’t he?” Regulus’ voice trailed off, he verbally rampaged like his mother often did when the cutlery wasn’t set to her liking.

“Friends? Remus?” James bargained and suddenly his tone shifted, much more empathic and concerned, “Merlin no Regulus. You’ve got the wrong end of the stick.” He hummed quietly.

“Oh I’ve got the-“ Regulus shoved James back as James tried to lift himself off the wall to make his way to Regulus, the brunette gently resting his hands on the boys wrists that were pinning him to the wall.

“Yes!” He interrupted. “Please Regulus, let me explain.” He begged in his typical Potter fashion, “Just one minutes I promised, I need you to understand.”

“Fine.”

He began to count, sixty, fifty nine-

“I did drink that potion that day in the great hall, I knew what it was and I knew it was from you.” James supplied his answer.

“What? But how did you-“ Regulus lost count almost immediately after starting.

“Because you were the only one in that hall inspecting me to make sure I drank it, you were obvious really. With what moody face it was easy to tell when you were expecting something.” James chuckled and Regulus furrowed his brows, “Also Lily would never dot her i’s with a heart, that was a Barty touch I assume?” Regulus nodded, “Besides… Lily is already kind of involved…”

“With Mary, yes I know.” He quickly pressed on, hoping James would soon get to the point.

James nodded and sighed in relief, “You know? Oh that’s good.” James paused to think, “So in conclusion I knew it was you.” 

“So you didn’t drink it, you just fucked with me for months?” Regulus croaked.

“Regulus…” James raised his eyebrows, “You watched me drink that potion.”

“But I don’t-“

“Merlin Regulus for someone so smart you’re so bloody thick!” James let out an exasperated sigh, “I felt a little woozy at first but your potion didn’t affect me, just gave me a bit of a boost. Your Amortentia didn’t have the slightest influence on me because… Well surely you’ve read up on the potion?” James teased and it was that moment Regulus concluded he needed to more work on Amortentia if he was going to pass his owls.

“But you pretended to! Did you just do that so your friends could laugh at me?”

James ferociously shook his head, “No Regulus! They had no part in this! The potion gave me some confidence and we all know me with even more confidence is a ridiculous mess of a man. I simply had the confidence to approach you.”

“But that night in the quidditch after party, Pomfrey said you-“

“Oh, yeah I had just drank too much and passed out. What you supplied Pomfrey was how she made the conclusions she did, she didn’t even run a single test on me Regulus.” 

“But all these weeks you’ve been as ditsy as a daisy, why James? Why?” Regulus begged.

“I-“ James paused, “Well I had to pretend to be under the potion so you’d spend time with me. So you’d worry that if you didn’t I’d ’die of heartbreak.” He quoted Pomfreys words. 

“But James… why would you want to spend time with me?” It sounded self pitiful but he was simply curious as to why this good hearted Gryffindor would want to surround himself for weeks with a cold hearted, sealed shut book of a boy. 

“Because I like you Regulus! I liked our talks! I liked the glances before you even began noticing me that Quidditch morning! In fact, I do a lot more than like you!” James blurted out mindlessly.

“There it is!” Regulus squeezed out, “That’s what everyone keeps saying but no, I don’t believe it. You’re a liar!”

“Regulus Arcturus Black,” his name rolled of James’ tongue as if it belonged to him, “I’m loud, I’m irritating, I’m irritable in the mornings, I’m sometimes stupid but I am not a liar.”

“When did you fall in love with me then? Huh? Go on tell me James.” It was paining Regulus to not give in, submit to what he thought were James’ lies and accept the embarrassment that would be kissing him. 

“Remember last summer when your Mother stormed to my house and berated my Mum to demand Sirius back?” Regulus nodded, thinking back to the day his mother had dragged him along to Potters homely abode (much different from his own) the morning after Sirius ran away. Bravely, the Potters never gave in and Regulus almost admired them in that sense- he was much weaker than Euphemia and Fleamont Potter and believed he would always be. “You were there, stood behind your mother. You’ll hate me for saying it but you were cowering, I remember seeing you flinch when my Mum said Sirius’ name. That’s when you became the sole object of my thoughts for those six weeks. It was concern at first, I swear, and then you took over my thoughts all that summer. That’s when it started. I supposed it boarded on obsession.”

James shrugged his head down and looked shameful. 

“Well, this has been weird Reggie.” James pushed himself off the wall, “I’ll leave you alone now.”

The scene played almost cinematically. James began to walk to the door and Regulus realised he couldn’t let him go, he could not let James out of his sight if his life depended on it. He didn’t have to say any words. Making a loud thump he placed his foot down in a stride to reach James, his slim fingers wrapped around James’ wrists stopping the boy in his tracks. 

James froze, his shoulders tensed and Regulus could see the heat arising in his ears. A blink. Slowly, his head turned and his eyes met Regulus’, in that moment they shared an unfamiliar tender eye contact that had emerged from the beating depths of their hearts. James relaxed and his head cocked. 

In an intimate quietness lips met in a soft gentle kiss. It was nothing extravagant, nothing special, it wasn’t even long or heated but it was enough. As if in sync, the two slowly separated and held their foreheads pressed against each others. James’ hands found their place on Regulus’ upper arms and after a tense second Regulus eased and let his own hands softly grip James’ waist. As Regulus inhaled James exhaled and they fit together like two puzzle pieces. 

Two boys who at the start of the term didn’t have anything to do with each other (at least that was what Regulus had thought) had just shared a kiss in their own secluded sanctuary. 

Regulus was the first one to break the silence brought on by the tender kiss, “Was what you said actually true?” He whispered, quiet and anxious.

James nodded and Regulus felt the brush of his hair against his cheek, “I think that kiss just proved it was Reggie.” Regulus smiled a smile that was typically tucked away in the corner of his mouth. “And I think that smile confirms that you enjoyed that kiss too.”

“I suppose I may of been partial to it.” Regulus smirked and looked off to the side. 

“So… are we an item then?” James choked out.

“Merlin James, so blunt.” Regulus furrowed his brows, “I suppose I could be partial to us being an item as well though.” He answered playfully.

“Great!” James nodded and was high on giggles, “Well hello partner.”

“You’re not a cowboy James.” Regulus scolded affectionately. 

“Darling?”

Regulus shook his head.

“Honey muffin?”

“Where did you even learn that one?”

“I give up,” James exclaimed, “Go on then my genius Regulus, give me your ideas.”

“Keep it classy, you’re my suitor James.”

He burst into hysterics, “Sure sure.” He chuckled, “I suppose we’re courting as well?”

Regulus firmly nodded and James laughed, shaking his head.

“How about,” James began, “We’re just Regulus and James?”

“Regulus and James?” Regulus hummed, handling the thought carefully in his mind, “It has a ring to it. Yes,” his voice lowered, “Regulus and James.”

Regulus wished  he could stay in that room forever with only that air and only those words they were exchanging. He wanted to store James’ words away, so they could be said to no one else- they were words for Regulus, they weren’t for anyone else to have. Longingly, he adored the Gryffindors eyes and his smile as if it wasn’t the one he loathed only a mere month ago. Regulus’ affection for him was written in a code, displayed and intertwined in his DNA, Regulus yearned for him on every level a person can. He was so lost in the moment and the love that he forgot all about his family, the expectations, the guilt that came with loving someone like James. All he remembered was Dorcas’ words telling him to love happily, even if that meant in secret.

“You can’t tell a single soul about this though James, you know that.” Regulus warned sternly and almost regretfully.

“Why Regulus? I understand keeping this from Sirius, oh Merlin Sirius is going to kill me, but what about others? The girls? My parents?.” James offered the thought and Regulus shut them all down immediately. 

“I don’t want them to have it. I want something for just us James. I think we of all people deserve that.” Regulus traced his finger on James’ jaw and allowed it to travel around the boys face delicately. Everything in that room was delicate, but bittersweet.

“If that’s what you want Regulus, I’m happy to oblige.” James smiled softly, “Though I think I’m all our hormonal distress we’ve forgotten a part.”

“Huh?”

“Well…” his eyes lit up mischievously, “If we’re going to court as you say, I suppose we need to go on a date. Are you partial to a date Regulus?”

“I suppose I am partial to a date with you Potter.” Regulus teased, the boys surname evolving past a brick wall to what felt like a tender embrace to the recipient.

“Then that’s it, Regulus Arcturus Black, would you do me the honour of going on a date with the poor soul that stands before you?”

“It’s a tad too late to say no now.” He laughed. 

Regulus returned to the dorms that night with a blush on his cheeks and a new found spring in his step. People were surprised to see the typically temperamental boy in such a jovial mood, the type someone would see from a fat man enjoying his Christmas dinner. Dorcas had her suspicions, Barty and Evan were clueless, Pandora held a hope in her heart it was what she thought it was but none knew.

That was for him and James. Regulus and James.