Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I’ve never enjoyed drinking too much, back in high school I’d get black out drunk all the time; if not to relax then because I found it fun. Sometimes because I didn’t want to seem lame in front of all my friends. But now, I tend to avoid it. I can never control myself so I always end up feeling like shit at the end of the day.

Most of my friends had no such qualms though, Mina was a giggling mess to my left as she flirted with Ocacho who sat a seat over the two of them giggling at themselves and fumbling over what to say. A couch to my right held Sero and Todoroki, Shoto was the only other sober person, having managed to get his drunk boyfriend to calm down enough to curl up in his lap. Shoto rubbing Seros back and saying quiet calming phrases like he was trying to shush Sero to sleep.

Shinso was sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch space Todoroki and Sero were not occupying, waiting for his boyfriend to return while high off his ass, eyes red. Bakugo was sitting to my right but then Denki needed to piss so the two wandered off. I considered going after them until Jiro offered, she’s partly sober since she wants to go home to Momo tonight without getting lectured.

“Ei~” I looked up at Katsuki as he stumbled back over to me, Jiro smirked as she shoved Denki at Shinsou, listening to the blonde whine and curl up against Shinso’s side in moments, the purple haired boy didn’t even look up from his phone.

“Hey, Kats.” I greeted, letting Katsuki settle down where he had been as Mina let out a loud cackle, kicking her feet, Ocacho hiccuped and then started to float, Jiro placed a hand on her shoulder.

“I think we should call that a night?” Shoto said, amused as he looked at the scene. I nodded.

“I can drive the lesbo’s and Blasty home.” I offered, Jiro snorted as Mina let out a whine, throwing herself over my lap.

“Rude~!” Mina whined, and then before I could fight it, she was shoved off the couch, hitting the ground with a thud.

“Hey-! Woah dude!” I exclaimed, pressing back into the couch as Katsuki climbed into my lap, looking very smug as he sat himself there. I placed a hand on his chest, confusion washing over me as I looked at him.

“Feisty!” Shinso chuckled.

I felt my face flush, but tried to get Katsuki off me. He’s got a boyfriend! I refuse to betray one of my best bros because I have a crush and I let Katsuki get too drunk!

“Off, Katsuki.” I said, Katsuki refused to budge, simply smirking. Katuski’s arms wrapped around my shoulders and he smirked, tongue flicking out and licking his lips. I felt my face go red, but still pushed at him. I felt frustration well up in me, Katsuki seriously needs to get a hold of himself. “I’m serious, off.” I commanded, Katsuki snickered.

This isn’t the first time he’s sat in my lap but usually Deku’s at least nearby to help me feel okay with it, like I’m not invading, ruining a relationship. Guilt pooling in my chest, tightening and keeping me from breathing properly as I looked at Katsuki nervously.

“But Ei~” He purred, leaning in further, I pulled away, pushing Katsukis chest again. A part of me really wanted to let it happen but that was wrong, it’s already wrong. The music felt too loud as I felt my blood start to pump, slowly feeling anger well up inside my chest. How could he cheat on Midoriya? Amazing, sweet, smart, Midoriya?

“No!” I exclaimed as Katsuki tried to go for it- whatever it was that had to do with being way too close to my face, pushing him harshly. Katsuki almost fell but then Shoto was there, hand on his back.

“I can drive Mina and Uraraka. You take Bakugou home.” Todoroki instructed, eyes shining with something I couldn’t quite place, almost like excitement or determination.

“I don’t need your fuckn help, icy-hot!” Bakugo barked, and then he was moving out of my lap, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned against the couch for support. My chest immediately felt looser with the blonde off my lap, more comfortable as the guilt bled away.

“But he just-” I started but Shoto shook his head.

“Trust me.”

And that’s how about fifteen minutes later I was walking up to the BakuDeku residence, they had an apartment together, and I knocked. It only took a few moments for the door to open. Deku smiled at me, Bakugo having an arm around my shoulders. He was still grinning, wide and dumb. I ignored how it made my heart pump faster, stomach fluttering; and I double ignored how Midorya’s fond smile made my chest feel tight.

“I got em’!” Katsuki exclaimed, like he’d caught a villain, starting to walk in and dragging me with him. Izuku paused and then laughed.

“Did you?” Izuku asked, voice full of humor. Izuku glanced up at me and I blushed as Katsuk made sure the door closed and locked behind us before grabbing my arm, holding it out to Izuku.

“He’s been acting a little funny.” I explained, Izuku offered me an apologetic smile.

“Thanks for putting up with it.” Izuku chucked. “I’ll get him into bed.” Izuku said, voice gentle and fond as he took Katsukis arm, Katsuki let out a displeased sound.

“No!” He exclaimed, grabbing onto me as Izuku sighed. “I just got him here! I did my job!” He complained, Izuku blushed, looking at me then to Katsuki.

“Yes, but you’re drunk.” Izuku said, reaching up and petting Katsukis hair. Katsuki huffed, shoulders slumping as he swayed a little. I placed a hand on his back to steady him.

“Yeah, go to sleep, bud.” I said. “You’ll see me tomorrow.” I said, ignoring how my chest felt tight at the idea of Kasuki wanting me to stay.

“Fine.” Katsuki mumbled, but then he was turning to me, strong hands gripping my jaw and I was pulled into a kiss. It was fast, and he missed. His lips pressed into my cheek more than anything as Izuku let out a sound of surprise.

“Katsuki Bakugou!” Izuku exclaimed. He quickly wrapped his arms around Katsukis waist as I stumbled back, supporting myself on the door. My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, already moving to the door but it was locked, Izuku placed a hand on my arm before I could open it.

“It’s okay, just go sit in the living room, okay? We.. need to talk anyway.” Izuku said. I hesitated looking at him because I felt like a horrible person. I felt like I needed to leave out of respect. But Midorya looked hurt and desperate so I nodded stiffly and watched him start to shove Katsuki down the hall, both arms wrapping around the blonde's waist again.

I sat on the couch, stiff and nervous as I placed my hands in my lap. I didn’t know what to do. I’ve never felt awkward in this house, I’ve been here countless times. We’re well into our twenties, all of us having stable careers as heroes. I've managed to hold the number five spot for three years now, Bakugou and Deku are number two and one as hero partners, known as the wonder duo. They’ve been acting weird. I don’t know why, or when I really noticed it but I know that it’s been happening for so long I don’t remember them acting normal.

And it’s not like I’m uncomfortable, they’ve just been close. It started with sitting closer to me and then cuddling, neither of them ever seemed bothered by the other doing that stuff with me, and so I let it happen because it was nice. I’ve been harboring my crush since UA, so it’s been sort of a relief even if it hurts a little.

Then whenever we were at stores together or walking around generally, one of them would grab my arm as opposed to the arm of their partner, or hold my hand. Sometimes Deku would even put himself in the middle and hold both of our hands. It was always sweet and I’ve wanted to question it but always held myself back because there isn’t a point in giving myself hope. The two have been doing more pride shows and I’ve seen them both in poly merch, even Mina pointed it out to me.

It’s always been hard crushing on them both but I know that I don’t have a chance. Not to mention the two are perfect for eachother. There isn’t any point in ruining a perfect relationship, right?

Right?

“Okay.” Izuku spoke and it had me looking up at him, confusion washing over me as I did. He looked nervous, concerned, but also hopeful. “Are you okay? I hope Kahcan didn’t make you too uncomfortable.” Izuku said, I shook my head no.

“Just concerned, kind of pissed off.” I admitted.

“What made you angry?” Izuku asked, the worry taking over his tone as he turned into the kitchen. I stood and made my way over to him, watching him start some tea from the doorway.

“I’m surprised you’re not, he cheated on you.” I said. “That’s not very manly.” I added, the BakuDeku household was kept clean, organized. Even Deku managed to keep himself in order with Bakugo’s careful guidance. There were two aprons on the wall at the back of the kitchen, cabinets lined the walls, a fridge close to the entrance of the kitchen and the stove top covered in tinfoil for easy cleanup.

The kettle was made to look like a cow and the cups were matching as Izuku put tea bags in them and leaned against the counter as he waited for the water to boil. He looked up and met my eyes, I couldn’t help but wonder how it’d be to be here all the time. To be a part of this life. Not to have to go home to my sad, lonely apartment that I haven’t even really gotten around to decorating.

“Oh, yeah.” Izuku reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, sighing softly. “I gave him permission for that.” Izuku said and I paused, looking at him in confusion. “We’ve kinda been trying to drop hints for a while now?” Izuku said and I hesitated as I looked at him.

“You mean…” I frowned. “Why?” I asked, Izuku’s eyebrows furrowed, looking confused.

“Why?” He repeated. “Why have we been hitting on you?” He specified. I nodded and Izuku gave me a look like I was insane. “Bescuse we like you?” Izuku explained, phrasing it like a question. “We want to date you?”

“You- what?” I asked not able to help the genuine confusion. Izuku sighed, tilting his head back before hopping up on the counter.

“We want you to date us, like a polyamrous relationship. I get it if you're not into it! Or like, if you only want to date Kachan, I dunno if you’d be able to date me and not Kachan. He’d be pretty mad if you tried that, but you never know,” Izuku rambled, hands moving all round as he spoke. I listened and nodded, slow and a little shaken, still confused. But I also felt… happy.

“Okay, this is a lot.” I said, Izuku’s face turned sympathetic and he offered a smile.

“Yeah, that’s why I was trying to take it slow but Kachan’s impatient.” Izuku said. “If you’re not okay with it we can act like it never happe-”

“No!” I said immediately, Izuku froze and I blushed. “I- I really like both of you! I’m open to it! I’m just… processing.” I chuckled softly, hand coming up and rubbing the back of my neck. Izuku offered a smile.

“Well, you can leave or we can go drink some tea on the couch.” Izuku offered, the kettle starting to whistle a few moments later. I smiled.

“I think I’d like that.” I admitted, Izuku giggled and nodded as he slid off the counter, taking the kettle off and pouring us our tea. Izuku waved at me in dismissal and I moved back to the living room, sitting down and settling back against the couch; trying to think about this and not feel so… out of place.

The living room is just as organized as the rest of the rooms, things having places and order. Despite Katsuki’s best efforts some places were still messy like the magazines on the coffee table, the shoes next to the door were a little unorganized due to my own half hazarded placement, and the TV had a few CD’s spread out like they’d been tossed there. It was clean but lived in, and it made me relax a little.

It shouldn’t be that hard to process and maybe it wouldn't be if it weren’t for the fact that I’ve spent literal years wanting to be here, wanting to be wanted by them. Years of guilt building up and curling in my stomach, years of longing and crying and hoping for something I convinced myself I could never have.

“Here.” Izuku whispered the words as he held out the cup of tea, the bag had been removed and when I sipped it I was shocked to find it was cold. I looked up at him, confused. “It’s something special from Shoto.” Izuku explained. “Mei managed to create this special freeze ice that’ll cool things down a certain amount. It’s the middle of summer so it comes in handy.” Izuku shrugged.

It really does, despite it being nighttime. It had gotten dark a while ago but the summer night was humid and while the BakuDeku residence was a good temperature, cold sweet tea seemed to hit just the right spot after a long night out. I took a large gulp.

We fell into a silence as Izuku turned on a movie, an All Might one from a few years ago. They stopped making All Might movies a few years ago, the last official one was released when I was 22. Izuku took Katsuki to see it, then went again with our graduating class. Katsuki said he cried just as hard both times. I couldn't help but wonder if Izuku had wanted to invite me that night or if he’d just been thinking about Katsuki back then.

Izuku shifted and suddenly I was made aware that he was very much not pressed up next to me, which is how he’s made a point of sitting for months whenever we’re together.. It’s weird to be sitting in the same seat as him and have no points of contact. They really have been dropping major hints and I’ve been blowing them over really hard, huh?

“Did you guys do the poly thing for me?” I asked, Izuku paused, eyebrows furrowing. “Like the LGBTQ+ photoshoot from last june, was that done for me?” I asked, Izuku paused and then he giggled.

“I mean it was technically done for the company but we were trying to send you a hint.” Izuku laughed. “Even the media understood that one.” Izuku gloated, leaning back into the couch. “It’s okay though, the idea was far fetched and we knew you were not the brightest bulb in the box.” Izuku admitted and I blushed.

“I mean I saw it!” I defend. “I just.. I dunno, I assumed they wanted you to do it.” I sighed, Izuku giggled at me again and leaned over, pressing his side up against my own. A blush creeped further up my face and tinted my neck. “Stop laughing!” I complained, setting my cup on the table as I pouted (A manly pout, mind you.)

“You’re not very smart, Kiri.” Izuku giggled, and then he leaned up and pressed a kiss to my cheek. I blushed darker, turning to look at Izuku who wore a soft smile. “That’s okay though, we still want you, if you’ll have us.” Izuku assured me. I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. I hesitated before nodding.

“Yeah, okay.” I agreed. Izuku beamed and his hand tentatively settled on my cheek. I turned my head with the gentle pressure and leaned in a little, Izuku took it for what it was and pressed his lips to my own, I closed my eyes as butterflies filled my stomach. No fireworks, or electric shocks; but a rush of dopamine, happiness, and affection did flush through me as I reached up. My hand rested on the back of Izuku's neck as the other supported me on the couch cushion.

Izuku pulled away after a few moments and offered me a wide smile, I blushed and offered him a smile back. The two of us just stared for a few moments, sitting together on the couch before Izuku let out a loud giggle and pushed forward, pressing his forehead to my shoulder.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted that.” Izuku said, I grinned a little and wrapped an arm around him, gently petting his hair down.

“I bet I’ve wanted it longer.” I said, Izuku let out an intrigued noise and I smirked. “Second year, UA.” I said, Izuku gasped and pulled back, shock painting his face.

“We could’ve been together so much sooner!” Izuku exclaimed, I laughed and Izuku let out an offended noise, hitting my chest before starting to laugh too. The two of us ended up laughing for a while, leaning against each other as we sat on the couch. Eventually we calmed down. Izuku smiled softly as he looked at me for a few moments before glancing behind him, down the hall to the room where Katsuki probably laid asleep.

“I should probably head out.” I said, my chest feeling a little hollow at the idea, I wanted to stay here, I just found out they liked me back! I didn’t want to leave, but we all have lives, Izuku has work tomorrow, I have things I need to do around my own apartment and we still need to talk, the three of us. As a group while sober, before we can do anything more.

“I-...” Izuku sighed, shoulders deflating a little. “I guess you’re right.” He admitted. “I should be off at four pm tomorrow though, you think you could come by then? We could all talk? I know Kanchan's off unless he ends up getting called in…” Izuku huffed, I could tell he was eager, and didn't need to ask to know that his mind was probably running wild. Likely thinking of all the possibilities and worries about how this could go wrong, all the things that could stop it.

And a part of me was worried too, nervous that they’d find out how horrible I am. Stop it before it starts, or that it’ll happen later, I’ll be used and thrown out. Maybe I’d end up hurting them before being discarded, or maybe they’d do something that would hurt me more than I could ever imagine. There are so many ways this could go wrong, so many ways I could be hurt.

But I’ve spent over a decade building myself up, becoming a wall of reliability, of safety. I’ve made walls around myself too, working to keep on a smile as much as I could. I’ve mastered the art of smiling in pain, being calm and gentle during panic, being careful in chaos and keeping my thoughts under wraps. So even if it hurt my chest, my heart, I smiled at Izuku.

“If we can’t meet tomorrow, I promise we can meet the next day, or whenever we’re free again. Even if it takes a week it’ll happen.” I assured, offering Izuku a soft smile as Izuku blushed before nodding. I stood and moved to the door, getting my shoes on, Izuku followed behind me, and when I stood and turned I found Izuku wearing a soft smile.

“See you tomorrow.” Izuku said, I gave him a smile and nodded, hoping to be reassuring. It worked as Izuku relaxed and nodded, opening his arms. We always hug, the two of us are extremely tactile so we’ve always been touchy and often have at least one point of contact with the other whenever we’re around each other. I didn’t hesitate to wrap my arms around Izuku, we’re both big. Both our quirks rely on muscle and fat to function properly, so we both needed to bulk up.

I still ended up taller, and so Izuku ended up nuzzled into my shoulder, I smiled and closed my eyes, soaking in it. I thought that maybe this could work, Izuku, Katsuki, myself, maybe we could all work together, just maybe.

And then I pulled away and had to turn and leave the small apartment, and I felt like an outsider once again. Like someone intruding, looking in as opposed to being a part of. It seemed to crash down on me as I walked down the street to where I’d been forced to park my car. I felt alone, again.

Loneliness was an old friend from middle school that seemed to creep back in when high school ended. She’s only absent for minutes at a time while laughing with friends, but she always comes back, reminding me that I’ve got walls and that I’m not allowed to take them down.

I’d try and make this work, though. If not for me then for Izuku and Katsuki.

Chapter Text

“And then there was a huge explosion!” Izuku exclaimed, laughing softly after, his hands held up in the air above himself. I smiled, soft and hesitant as the summer sun seemed to glow around us. It made an odd feeling of nostalgia wash over me, reminding me of long car rides with my mothers and quiet nights on the porch of our dorms at UA. Izuku lowered his hands and looked at me, eyes bright and kind, the green color shining so brightly it almost hurt. I admired his eyes and down to his cheeks, covered in freckles and lips-

“You’re really spacey today.” Izuku said. His hand came up as he grabbed my arm, both my hands were holding our drinks. It's how we’ve always done it whenever we hang out to avoid Izuku spilling something with his wild gestures as he talked. I chuckled a little nervously.

“Am I?” I asked, watching Izuku pull my whole arm up to his mouth, lips wrapping around the straw of his frappe and drinking. Izuku nodded, poofy green hair bouncing as he did so, standing fully once more.

“I just told you a story from one of you and Kachan’s missions, even used your names.” Izuku smiled. I blushed, glancing away a little nervously.

“Sorry.” I said, Izuku hummed and sntached his drink, hooking our arms together after, the two of us pressed close.

“It’s okay, is something wrong?” Izuku asked, worry seeping into his tone. I shrugged, eyes trailing away before I sipped my drink to avoid talking for a moment.

I was asked out by the two around a month ago. We haven’t been able to find a good time for a date since then, which has been rough- even though we’ve been together at work or at Izuku and Katsuki’s apartment. It’s something we knew would happen though, when we started this. We’re pros, all of us are top level pros at that, lack of time and worry about death are things that are going to happen. It’s normal, so this is our first date, ever.

“I guess I’m nervous.” I admitted.

The two of us are on our way to meet up with Katsuki, we both enjoy walking and Katsuki was busy so we decided to meet up. Izuku and I going on a walk before meeting up with Katsuki in front of the park. We'd stopped for coffee during it and yeah, I’m nervous as hell. I love Izuku and Katsuki and they’ve gone slowly for me, simple hand holding, or even cuddling on the couches at work. It’s nice and something we’ve been doing for months (since they started to drop hints for me), the whole dating thing just gives it more meaning. But I still can’t shake the feeling that they’re both greater than me. Worth more, they mean more. I feel like I’m intruding and I can’t seem to get rid of the thought.

“Aw, Kiri.” Izuku sighed, he turned his head, pressing his hair to my bicep. I had on a tank top right now, skin on display. I wasn’t sure if I should, I just had an episode not too long ago. The scars are fresh and angry still, on my biceps actually. But Izuku said the shirt looked hot, so it was a win. “It’ll be okay.” Izuku assured me.

“I know.” I chuckled. “It’s not different from our normal hang outs but it is and if you two get recognized I’m gonna be..” I trailed off, not knowing how to continue. “I’ll look, well, underwhelming.” I finished, Izuku let out a slightly offended and slightly worried sound.

In high school, Izuku and I were really close for the first two and a half years. We went to each other to vent and talk, we were both depressed so we understood each other and it was really nice. But when Izuku and Katsuki got together I figured I’d back off. Even if I wasn’t hitting on Izuku, I moved away from the two a small bit. The class teasing whenever I tried to break up a fight or argument didn’t help.

I haven’t been close with Izuku in years, he got occupied with Katuski and I spent my extra time with Sero, Mina and Denki. It led to some interesting years, for sure. But it's also making me nervous to be close to them again. It's been a while and I’m not sure how to interact with them now. Should I still tell him everything, keep distance for a little while? How have they changed in coping methods? Have I changed enough? Maybe I’ll be the same boring person from high school and they’ll decide I’m not worth it.

“Eiji.” Izuku said, tone displeased as he stopped walking, turning and cupping my cheek with one hand. “You’re not boring or plain! You’re amazing and hot, and Kachan and I are proud to be seen with you!” Izuku said, he pulled me down, giving my lips a peck. I couldn’t help but smile. Katsuki's really rubbed off on Izuku, he’s slowly getting more blunt and unafraid to speak his mind. It’s a nice change even if we did just block a ton of people from walking because Izuku wanted to kiss me.

“Okay, okay.” I said, smiling as I leaned away to escape the extra pecks that Izuku decided to litter my lips with. Izuku giggled happily and tried to follow me, with a wide grin, leaning closer to try and connect even with me avoiding it.

A ringing cut off the moment, Izuku let out a happy sound as he reached for his phone, I took his drink before he dropped it and Izuku went from happy to disappointed when he saw whoever the caller was. Izuku took my arm and started walking again as he talked.

“Really? Now?”

“Com’on I’m busy.”

“Okay, okay I understand.”

Izuku was looking more pissed by the second, he sighed and after he hung up looked at me with an expression that screamed ‘I hate this’. Eyebrows furrowed with tense shoulders.

“I have to go.” Izuku admitted, running a hand through his hair, phone safely back in his pocket. Green curls bounced as they landed and green eyes narrowed at the pavement under our feet before he looked back to me and his eyes softened into a gentler look. “I’m really sorry.” Izuku added, I shook my head.

“It’s fine, what’s happening?” I asked, Izuku didn’t seem in a rush so it can’t be a villain attack.

“It’s just another villain.” Izuku said, and I tensed. “But Kachan already handled it, they’re just calling me cuss he’s throwing a hissy fit so of course I need to handle the debris and paperwork.” Izuku groaned. I smiled a little, opening my mouth only for him to cut me off. “You’re not doing it for me.” Izuku snapped and I shrugged.

“Was worth a try.” I said, Izuku rolled his eyes with a fond smile.

“Kachan said he’s still coming so he’ll meet you in a little. He’s probably really worked up, you think you can handle it?” Izuku asked, smile soft and a little teasing as he looked up at me. It was a tease but also an out if I wanted it. I nodded

“Yeah, I’ve got it.” I chuckled. “Have fun being bored with paper work.” I teased, Izuku rolled his eyes and giggled softly before nodding. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to my cheek, grabbed his coffee and then blackwhip spurred to life and he was dashing off.

And then I was alone.

I kept walking to the spot because that’s where I assumed Bakugo would meet me. I felt a little anxious, what if he changed the spot and assumed I’d know? What if he decides he doesn't want to see me and then I’m standing in that park alone for hours thinking he’d come to see me? What if he’s really hurt from the villain attack and bleeding out somewhere and I have no idea?

“Oi! Shithead.” I breathed a sigh of relief, turning to look at Katsuki as he walked over. We were a little ways away from the actual spot but I figured if he found me it’s fine. Katsuki was changed into what I assume were workout clothes. He looked pissed as Midorya said he probably would. “Com’on, let's go train.” Katsuki said. I hesitated because that’s not how I wanted to spend the date, but I still nodded and followed Katsuki wherever he chose to take me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Another!” Katsuki screamed, standing across from me on the training mat. We’d went to a gym connected to Katsuki and Deku’s agency (Which is fucking huge, by the way) and started to spar after Katsuki demanded I change. We’ve been at it for almost two hours now, my hardenings hitting it’s edge and as Katsuki stood across from me, palms cackling and stance wide as he prepared to come at me, I realized he’s hitting his limit too, I could see the blood leaking out of his palms.

“No, I’m done.” I said, taking a step back because I didn’t want to keep going. I worked the night shift last night and Katsuki’s hurting himself. I huffed breaths as I started to walk to the benches along the sides of the room which held our water and towels. But then I heard the explosion and I almost didn’t harden in time for Katsuki to tackle me to the ground.

I have to admit, it’s been hard to join into the relationship. Being an outsider coming in is rough, I’m so new to everything from their emotions to my own and it’s horribly obvious around every turn. I can’t help but feel a little left out even when I’m perfectly included in things like cuddling sessions because I’m still awkward and big and don’t know where to put my hands while Izuku and Katsuki are curled around each other like it’s second nature

“You’re done when I say you’re done!” Katsuki yelled. “You can keep going!” He demanded, and it was really close to my ears because he’s sitting on top of me and anger welled up and boiled over. Katsuki was thrown off of me and now it wasn’t a spar, we were actually fighting. Fists flew through the air with explosions to block them, feet swept out to try and knock the other down but we both stood firm against any attack.

And then there was the yelling, at first it was insults, us trying to get to the other at any point we could.

“You’re just weak!” Katsuki screamed

“You compensating?” My tone was cocky, I really shouldn’t be meeting him at this low, but it hurts and I’ve been here before, there isn’t being a bigger person. With Katsuki you need to get nasty because nothing else will get through to him. It’s what he wants most of the time, something to fuel the anger and even if I try not to give in- I always do in the end.

“No, you’re just boring!” I winced a little. Katsuki knows that one hurts, it was quickly followed by anger.

“And you’re just scared!” I screamed. “Scared, I know better than you and that I can do what I want! You don’t dictate when I’m done!” I barked. Katsukis been fine with this whole relationship thing, cocky and affectionate and everything I’d ever thought he’d be while we were dating but he hasn’t shown this yet. Katsuki can be controlling, he’ll lash out when angry or scared or generally unable to process his emotions. It’s something that’s gotten better and that I handled back in high school, but it hurts just a little more now, with more things to lose.

“You can’t give up!” Katsuki yelled and suddenly I had a better feeling about what this is really about, offense not as strong.

“I’m not giving up, I’m choosing to stop!” I replied, blocking a hit that sent me flying back.

“You’re a coward!”

“I know my limits!”

“Limits make you weak!” I punched and Katsuki went flying as the hit landed on his stomach, he stumbled and I watched him gag, I rushed forward immediately and ignored how he put up a hand to try and keep me away, picking him up and managing to get him to the trashcan before he blew it all over the floor. Katsuki heaved and gagged and I pushed his hair back.

Guilt curled in my gut, I don’t like punching people, I do mainly rescue missions since my quirk isn’t good for long distance but made for taking hits. It’s not often I need to fight so close up or that I need to use that much force. Which is why this is a little disturbing. I forget how hard I punch sometimes, especially when I’m angry at someone for any reason.

“You fucking suck.” Katsuki slurred and it hurt a small bit, even as I held firm and simply kept petting his hair back. “Fucking-” Katsuki coughed and his lunch finally relented for a second round, I held Katsuki’s waist as his knees buckled. “-asshole.” Katsuki cursed as he finished his second round of vomiting, panting to try and catch his breath. “What is wrong with you?” I’m not really sure he’s talking to me at this point. I kept quiet and Katsuki gagged a few more times before round three came to meet him. I pressed a kiss to Katsukis forehead as he leaned away a little, apparently done throwing up.

Katsuki didn’t speak as I carried him to the bench and handed him a water bottle, he sipped it and then dropped his head into his hands. I ran my fingers through his hair, and could tell by the twitch of his hand that he almost smacked me away, it hurt more than his explosions. I closed my eyes as I stood, breathing for a few moments before moving away; starting to pack up our stuff.

Silence followed me like a ghost as I led Katsuki to the agency bathroom, he washed himself and I washed myself and then we dried off and changed into our normal clothes. I double checked his hands and made sure they were wrapped, along with other cuts and scrapes. I led Katsuki up to his and Deku’s shared office after that, figuring he needed Izuku more than me. It hurts but I’m not sure how long I can stay strong for. We got up to the floor though and Katsuki grabbed my hand.

“Katsuki I’m not doing this.” I said, voice tired. This is far from our first argument or fight, he’s dragged me away from Izuku before to try and keep from solving the issues, or because he wants to keep punching instead of talking. “I’m tired and you need-”

“Don’t try and tell me what I need.” Katsuki said, voice quiet but still pissed off. I paused and sighed as Katsuki ran a hand through his still damp hair, managing to pull it a little. “I- I don’t want to see Deku right now, I want to stay with you.” He said, face twisting a little as he looked at the ground. He opened his mouth, closed it, and finally spoke. “I don’t need him to tell me it’s going to be okay, I want you to tell me I’m a fuck up, to fix it and then sit with me…” He let out a sigh that was almost a growl. “I don’t want you to run away after you drop me off with him.”

I hesitated, I hadn’t thought that might hurt Katsuki. The whole dropping him off then leaving. I always assumed he was fine with it because why would he want to be with me and not his boyfriend? We do this kind of thing every few months where someone’s mad and we scream at each other, spar and then when someone is truly done you drop them off.

It’s surprisingly Katsuki who usually falls first, though sometimes it’ll be me. Katsuki will bring me back to my apartment, asking if I want Mina or someone over. When I say no he’ll look guilty as he leaves. I’ll usually spend the rest of my night crying. If Katsuki falls first I drop him off with Midorya and leave before either of them can turn the feelings conversation on myself.

“I-” I hesitated before nodding. “Okay, I can do that. Thanks for telling me.” I said, Katsuki nodded and led me to sit down in the communal lounging area, Katsuki’s head going right to my lap.

“I’m sorry.” Katsuki said after about fifteen minutes of sitting in silence. “You’re not weak.” He said, and when I looked at him he looked like he might cry, he looked sadder about the whole thing than I had felt even when he was punching me. I gave a smile.

“It’s okay.” I said. “I’m sorry for saying you were compensating.” I replied. Katsuki paused and I could tell he didn’t even really register it when I’d said that insult- if it can be called that. But after a second he chuckled, then he laughed and then he started to cackle, loud with his head pressing back into my thighs as he roared with laughter. And I smiled, starting to laugh with him. This is kind of nice.

My head still kind of hurt. There was a nugging in the back of my skull, telling me I’d fucked up. That Katsuki was still mad, that I should feel horrible and that I am horrible and that I needed to stop this right now. But I ignored it because I knew that it was simply my brain being an ass.

We talked more, Katsuki explained that he’d almost lost the villain fight, he felt scared and wasn’t sure he’d make it. He felt weak, which is still a big issue for Katsuki even all these years later. I told him not to take it out on others, not to try and control me like that since he doesn't like me doing it to him. Then I told him I forgave him, Katsuki cried and I held him close.

Midorya came out about an hour later, looking like he was about to walk past until he did a double take. By that point Katsuki had passed out and I was getting there. I woke up a little more as Izuku giggled and walked over. He leaned down and cupped my cheek in his palm, tilting my head up to look at him. I smiled, knowing I probably looked like a dope staring up at Izuku. He even giggled to prove that yes, I looked like an idiot.

“Are you a little sleepy, hun?” Izuku teased and I smiled and nodded before turning into his palm. I felt fuzzy and warm, Izuku and Katsuki efficiently keeping the cold that was trying to seep into my skin out. Izuku chuckled. “We better get you both home then.” Izuku said, he leaned down and I whined as he picked up Katsuki and Izuku replied by shifting the blonde to his hip before leaning down and picking me up after.

Holy Shit

I pressed my face to Izuku's shoulder, it’s been so long since anyone has picked me up for any reason outside of me dying! Izuku laughed softly at my reaction as I whined in embarrassment, not thinking only to feel more embarrassed because I just whined! I didn’t fight it though because Izuku was warm and I was comfortable so I didn’t see a reason to move at all even if it was extremely embarrassing.

Izuku put me in the back of his and Katsuki’s car with Katsuki on my chest as I laid on my back across both seats. I held Katsuki to my chest, the boy barely stirring as Izuku started to drive. I could feel the car moving and if I looked up or down enough I could get an odd angle of looking out the windows. I haven’t laid down in a car since I was like seven and misbehaving in the back seat.

“You awake, Kiri?” Izuku asked, I hummed and Izuku returned in kind. “You wanna go to your place or our place?” Izuku asked, voice sweet as sugar.

“Yours.” I replied, Izuku let out a hum and when he reached back I grabbed his hand and pressed a kiss to it, Izuku giggled and took his hand back. I looked at the ceiling and hesitated before speaking. “We got into a fight.” I admitted.

“Oh, like an argument or a fight-fight?” Izuku asked.

“Fight-fight. He wanted to spar but when I noticed he was hurt I tried to tell him I was done, he didn’t want to stop and when I tried to he got angry and called me a few names.” I explained. “I got angry back and kinda.. Punched the shit outta him.” I added with a wince. Izuku chuckled.

“Don’t sound so guilty, Kiri.” Izuku sighed. “Sometimes that’s what Kachan wants, gotta do that to get him to listen sometimes. Did he apologize?” Izuku asked.

“Yeah, I also apologized to him.” I explained, Izuku hummed from the front as he drove and I smiled. I felt better voicing it, being told that it was okay. My hands lazily trailed through Katsukis hair as I closed my eyes. Katsuki shifted against me, face pressing to my neck.

I could definitely get used to moments like these.

Even if I don’t deserve them.

Chapter Text

“Hey…” The words were soft, a little bit of shakiness and cackling from the phone, I paused mid bite sitting across from Fatgum. I run my own agency now but my old mentor is kind and I enjoy talking to him even if I don’t work for him anymore. We meet up often, but today I’d gotten a call on my phone and after getting the okay I’d answered without hesitation.

“Hey, Izuku.” I replied, there was shifting on the other side of the phone, I could hear the sounds of people and what I assume was a train moving. I frowned as I took another bite in spite of my worry. “What’s up?” I asked when he didn’t seem like he’d reply.

“Uh.. nothing, just…” Izuku let out a frustrated sound that I recognized from high school during late nights rants to each other. “Where are you- uh what are you doing?” Izuku asked, he was nervous, and he didn’t sound happy nervous either…

“I’m out with fat.” I said, not able to lie if I wanted too. “Why, do you need something hun?” I asked, keeping my voice gentle as I spoke, not wanting to scare Izuku. We’ve been together for almost three months now and it means a lot that he wants to talk to me, wants my help even if I know Izuku probably can’t tell over the phone.

“N-no! You can stay out with him-” Izuku started, voice speeding up as he panicked. I knew exactly what his thought process was and took it upon myself to cut him off.

“No, no you’re fine Izuku.” I said, using my firm voice that always had Izuku quieting down, it worked like a charm on my green headed boyfriend and he sighed, shaky and worried, Fat raised a brow at me from across the table, and I quickly signed ‘Izuku sad’. Fat frowned and nodded, I kept talking with the permission. “Just tell me what you need and I’ll do my best to provide it for you.” I assured.

“I- I just needed-” Izuku let out a little whimper, probably trying to avoid crying on the train. “K-Kachan is still -to do paper work and told me to go-I don’t wanna be alone.” Izuku admitted, speaking fast and breaking up over the phone. I managed to understand though and hummed softly, standing and starting to get my stuff together. Fat doesn’t know I’m dating Midorya and Bakugou yet, I haven’t even really told our friends because I’m trying to keep it quiet until I’m sure it won’t end within a year.

“Okay, I’m gonna meet you at you and Katsuki’s place, kay?” I offered, Fat stood and started to help me get my stuff together.

“Okay, thank you Eiji.” Izuku replied. “I-I’m gonna hang up now, I’ll-” The phone cut off and after a few seconds it gave me the sound that told me the signal broke up. I cursed and swung my bag over my shoulder.

“I’m so sorry Fat, but Midorya’s really upset- '' I started, Fatgum laughed because he’s a dad like that and clapped a hand on my shoulder.

“You’re fine Kirishima! Just go help your friend, we can reschedule.” Fatgum exclaimed, shaking my shoulder a little. I smiled and opened my arms, Fatgum hugged me and if I literally ran out of the store when we pulled away, that’s for only us two to know.

I’ve never taken care of Izuku before, not like this at least. I wonder if he wanted Katsuki more than me but didn’t want to ask the blonde to take off. I wonder if I’ll be able to do as good as Katsuki always seems to be able to, I wonder if I’ll be any help.

The cool fall air helped calm me. Fall has always been my favorite season, and smelling the crisp air helped me force my thoughts to slow down even as I ran to Izuku and Katsuki’s apartment. I always feel better after a nice warm bath. Maybe that’s what Izuku needs right now? A nice warm bath to help warm him from the outside in. It’s a nice idea, and then hot coco and cuddles on the couch…

Yeah, I got this
—---

“Hello?” Izuku called, I perked up from where I was in the bathroom and quickly popped my head out, seeing Izuku standing in the foyer taking off his shoes.

“Izuku, come’ere!” I said, Izuku turned and then smiled. He hesitated for a moment before walking over. “I-uh, wasn’t sure if you’d showered yet but I figured it couldn’t hurt to take a relaxing bath, ya’know?” I offered. Izuku paused before he smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, that sounds nice, thank you, Kiri.” Izuku said. He leaned up and pressed a kiss to my lips.

“Did you want me to wash you?” I asked, cupping Izuku's cheeks. I wanted to take care of him, wash him off gently and then wrap him up in a big fluffy towel, dress him and pamper him until Katsuki got home and could help. Izuku hesitated again at the offer before shaking his head gently.

“No, I think I can do it…” Izuku said, and I felt disappointment wash over me. I really wanted to take care of Izuku but if he says no then it's not my place. I nodded, smile not slipping for a second as I pressed another kiss to Midorya’s lips, quick and gentle before pulling away to smile at him once more.

“Okay, do what you need, I’ll wait outside for you, I’ve already got you towels and clothes in there.” I said, Izuku smiled, soft and weak as he nodded before pressing a kiss to my lips and then walking into the bathroom.

That had gone… less good than I’d wanted it too. Izuku seemed to so sad still, that’d cheer me right up-

But it isn’t me, I realized.

Maybe I’m a little out of practice on the whole relationship area, I wouldn’t have done that for Katsuki though, because he’d prefer a spar or some ear drum ruining music when he first got home after a bad day- maybe a warm meal. But he wouldn't want to be washed down slowly in a bath, he’d want to shower and then do whatever else after if it wasn’t something that would get him dirty.

But this is Izuku, and the more I think about it the more I’m realizing he would’ve preferred a hot meal, some cuddles and kisses with hot chocolate on the couch. And he looked clean so he’s showered and that’s why he was so disappointed I’m bad at this, I’m not what he wanted-

Sometimes I forget I’m just a replacement for Katsuki.

My chest felt tight as I stood from the couch and started the kettle for some hot chocolate and worked on making a cozy place on the couch for us to cuddle while we waited for Katsuki to get home. I found myself pulling out my phone when Izuku still wasn’t out after all that.

6:13 pm
Me: Hey I’m so sorry but I fucked up taking care of Izuku
Me: He’s still really upset I think his mood might be stuck

I honestly didn’t expect an answer but despite this a few moments later I got a reply.

6:15pm
Explosion babe: You didn’t fuck his mood, he comes back quick, just cuddle him in our bed and make him some hot chocolate and he’ll cheer right up

In the bed? Shit.

6:15pm
Explosion babe: Whatever happens he’ll get over it, it's Deku. Good luck

I sighed in frustration at myself, I really fuck up everything, huh?

6:15
Me: Okay, love you
Read 6:15

Welp, that’s how that went. I sighed and stretched as I stood, about to move the blakents to the bedroom only to hear the whistling of the kettle. I moved to do that instead but as I was pouring the second cup of hot chocolate the bathroom door opened.

I turned as I heard Izuku come this way, he appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, hands wringing each other. He relaxed a little seeing the hot choclate and I gave a nervous smile, hoping to every god above that he couldn’t tell how fucking nervous I was. And apparently I was answered as Izuku continued normally.

“Uh, Thank you, the bath was really nice.” Izuku said, shuffling nervously as he stood there. I smiled and nodded.

“Uh, I set us up a place to cuddle in the living room- we can move to the bedroom if you want though.” I said, Izuku made a face that said that he was unhappy about the placement but didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I sighed and smiled at him trying to be reassuring, hoping he’d admit he wanted to move to the bedroom, but instead he shook his head.

“Okay, that’s good.” Izuku said, he walked in and grabbed two ice cubes from the fridge, putting them in his cup before grabbing some marshmallows and throwing them in, because apparently I was also making his hot chocolate wrong. Izuku gave me a nervous smile before picking up his cup and walking into the living room, I smiled back and followed him.

I realized as I sat down that Izuku thinks he’s hiding his emotions well, which means that we’re both hiding our emotions from each other right now. Which is bad, but I don’t want to make this more stressful for Izuku and if I say something it’ll be turned on me. For now, I’ll let it sit, even if it makes my stomach turn.

I turned on a movie, one arm around Izuku as we both worked on our hot chocolate, taking sips and drinks as we watched a random show. It seemed to be about ghosts, some kind of anime. I was quiet as it played, pressing kisses to Izuku's forehead every now and again. When we finished our drinks Izuku curled up entirely next to me and I didn’t hesitate to fully wrap my arms around him and lay us down, pressing kisses to his cheeks or lips, trying to give him some comfort.

It took a while before it started. I knew the tears were on the way from the start, but I wasn’t sure when. Izuku broke down into sobs about thirty minutes later. I squeezed him and rubbed his back as I whispered reassurances. Izuku bubbled an explanation through sobs.

“I- I couldn’t save them-” Izuku hiccuped and I pet his hair, pressing a kiss to the side of Izuku's head as he let out a gut wrenching sob. “They just- they- before I could-”

“I know, you can’t save everyone.” I muttered, Izuku sobbed and I pet his hair, closing my eyes and pressing them to his hair as my stomach twisted at the fact that I could do no more than this. It felt horrible to be this helpless but I couldn’t think of anything else that could help him- sometimes you just have to purge.

I kept petting his hair, whispering reassurances and letting him get it out. Izuku effectively soaked my shirt and eventually that was removed to be used as a snot rag and tear holder. Izuku slowly tired himself out, and ended up half asleep on my chest after almost a full hour.

“Feel better?” I asked gently as I ran my fingers through Izuku's hair, Izuku let out a sleepy hum, I paused before asking my next question. “How can I do better next time? You seemed really unhappy earlier.” I pointed out. Izuku let out a soft huff in reply and nuzzled against my neck.

“I’m not good at hiding it, huh?” He asked, I chuckled and shook my head against Izuku’s hair. Izuku huffed and was quiet for a moment before replying. “I didn’t need a bath, it was nice but…. I guess I wanted how Kachan does everything, he usually has food ready or will go make some while i shower and then we eat and drink hot chocolate and watch a movie and when I start crying he tells me all the reasons I shouldn’t be and it’s not belittling for some reason, for some reason it makes me feel so much better.” Izuku rambled, pressing against my chest.

“I’m sorry he couldn’t be here for you.” I said,Izuku huffed softly, almost a scoff against my chest.

“It’s not your fault and you did really well, Kiri.” Izuku replied, but it didn’t sound as genuine as I’m sure he wanted. I smiled and chuckled anyway.

“Thank you, I hope to do better.” I said, keeping a smile in my voice. Izuku giggled and leaned up, pressing a long, sweet kiss to my lips.

“You will, you haven’t been with us as long. It was wrong for me to expect you to know exactly how to cheer me up.” Izuku said. “Kachan took two years to find a good strategy, you got close to perfect and this is your first time.” Izuku cupped my cheek and I couldn't help but lean into it. “You’ll learn, I promise.” Izuku said, he pressed a kiss to my lips. “And we’ll learn how to cheer you up too, so we can all support each other.” Izuku finished.

I felt emotions bubble up and instead of replying I pulled Izuku into a deep kiss to hide the tears that pricked my eyes at the thought. Izuku smiled into my mouth and we exchanged kisses for a while before relaxing and turning back to the show. Now that he was paying attention Izuku seemed a little more scared, hugging close to me but he kept relaxing as he seemed to realize that I was right there and that he was safe.

It took Katsuki a good hour to get home after that, the clock ticking 8 and the probably unhealthy take out dinner sitting in the microwave for him as Izuku and I talked absentmindedly over the show. The second the door opened Izuku was scrambling up, face excited as he rushed to the door. Izuku hugged Katsuki the second the blonde walked through, practically jumping on him in a hug.

“Kachan!” Izuku yelled. I smiled- a little sadly at the thought of my time here being cut short. Katsuki snickered as he caught Izuku and almost fell over. My smile turned genuine as I watched Katsuki kiss Izuku, Izuku smiling into it. They’re really sweet, even if I’m not quite allowed to be so happy.

I picked up the cups and was about to carry them into the kitchen, when there was a bang. “Shitty hair!” Katsuki yelled, I paused where I was holding the two mugs which had most recently held tea. Katsuki looked angry. Not pissed but angry, like I’d hurt his feelings.

“Yeah?” I asked, turned around, Izuku had a look on his face that reminded me of primary school when kids got in trouble and you got to say ‘oooooohhhh’ as the kid was uncovered.

“No fucking hello?” Katsuki asked, storming into the house. Izuku let out a giggle that I can only call excited, as I backed up. I haven’t been here long. This is the first time I’ve been able to greet Katsuki when he got home from work! I didn’t know their rules! And Katsuki looked pissed and I’m holding two cups that could easily break.

“I- uh-” I stammered, backing up to the dining table, back hitting it and I set down the cups hastily as Katsuki slowly caught up to me.

“You tried to sneak off like a maid!” Katsuki barked. His hands slamming down on the table behind me, arms bracketing in my sides. Then his face went from pissed to a cocky smirk and that felt even more scary because that look never ends well for anyone other than Katsuki Bakugou. “I think you need to be shown your place.”

“Uhm-” I could barely get that out before Katsuki was wrapping his arms around my waist and practically throwing me into the air, I yelped and when I landed on the table Katsuki put a hand in my hair and the other helped support me as he yanked me into a very aggressive kiss. Izuku was cackling as I was attacked, being man handled onto the couch after being slid off the table. Katsuki got over me, using his hand in my hair to move my head, however he wanted to efficiently cover my face in kisses.

I laughed as I was attacked, even if I tried to break free half heartedly, Katsuki was not stopping though, simply working harder to keep me down. What I wasn’t ready for was for Izuku to join. Izuku slid his arm around my waist in between Katsuki and I and started to give my neck kisses. Or anywhere Katsuki wasn’t already attacking as I tried to catch my breath through my laughter.

The two stopped after a few minutes that felt like years. I was laughing breathlessly, trying not to run out of air. Katsuki snickered above me, smirking and trying to catch his breath as Izuku giggled into my shoulder. The air was light and happy as we all sat together, Katsuki on my lap and Izuku on the floor next to me as we caught our breath. I reached up after I caught my breath and cupped Katsukis cheek, pulling him down and kissing him quickly as Katsuki snickered into my lips.

“I’m sorry you didn’t get a movie perfect welcome home.” I teased as Katsuki grinned.

“You’re not forgiven.” He replied before kissing me again.

I didn’t end up spending the night, as much as Izuku and Katsuki tried to goad me into it, we all had work in the morning and I knew better than to try and work after a night at the bakudeku residence. So I headed home all alone. and it was only then, in the dark of my apartment, that I felt tears well and spilled over.

And really they fell over many things. The guilt that I didn’t know how to help, the guilt of taking attention away from Izuku by not knowing what to do, the guilt that I really don’t plan on sharing my struggles as long as I can avoid it and that Izuku will never get his wish if I have a say.

And while maybe I’ll figure them out one day I’ll have to live with the guilt until then.

Chapter Text

Cold season. No one really likes it but it’s particularly hard for people who aren’t as good at avoiding sickness.

Like my boyfriend, Katsuki Bakugou

Katsuki didn’t eat enough dirt as a kid because every cold and flu season without fail he will get sick. As light as sniffles to as bad as vomiting with a fever. Katsuki always gets sick somehow. And now I’m dating him, which works really well because Midorya doesn't have to take off to take care of him and we don’t have to call Mitsuki over to do it (which Katsuki hates because she’s not as gentle as she could be- not that he’d admit that)

“Katsuki?” I called, I run an agency so I can take as much time off as I want as long as I can answer the phone for emergencies. I may be number five but me taking a few days off won’t end anything and it’s not like I’m trying to move up in the ranks anymore, I’m perfectly okay where I’m at right now. Number five is already far past what I wanted.

So I took off work to come and take care of Katsuki. I closed the door to the apartment that has quickly become a second home to me over the past six months. I was over here a lot before we all started dating but now I only go home to sleep. Most days I come here out of instinct, and I buy food for here instead of my house. It’s honestly crazy how quickly I came to love this home. I’m gonna be really sad when the two move to find themselves a bigger house.

“Katsuki!” I repeated as I finished taking off my shoes, tucking them next to the other ones, sweat pants hanging around my feet as I stood. I’d chosen to change into civilian clothes before I’d left work this morning after getting the call from Izuku so I’m in gray sweatpants and a random red shirt that has some logo on it. I moved further into the house, and as I opened the door to the bedroom I found Katsuki. He was glaring at me from under the sheets, he’s definitely not happy

“Hey, Kats.” I cooed as I walked in, Katsuki scoffed from under his blanket cocoon and I kissed his forehead, Katsuki just glared harder. “You taken medicine yet?” I asked, Katsuki shook his head no. I nodded and pressed a hand to his forehead and it was definitely warm. I need a thermometer though.

I hummed as I stood fully and left, going into the kitchen. I got medicine for the blonde along with a thermometer to take his temperature. I started a kettle for some tea before returning to the bedroom. I leaned down and coaxed Katsuki onto his back before sliding the thermometer into his mouth.

“Are you crazy!” Katsuki snapped the second it dripped past his lips. I pulled back and paused as I looked down at him. Am I crazy? Why am I crazy? “Where the fucking plasti-” Katsuki broke off into coughs and I paused. Why did they have plastic covers? Is this that serious? I hesitated, about to move to help Katsuki but he smacked my head away and gestured to the door, so I took the hint.

Plastic covers? Plastic covers. Okay, I opened the cabinets in the kitchen, searched through all of them for the plastic covers- whatever those are. I was shocked to find a box of plastic thermometer covers. Like the shit they use at the hospital. What the fuck.

Now is not the time to question it though. I sighed as I put the plastic cover on the thermometer, Katsuki had calmed down and was now sitting up in the bed with a soft frown. I walked over and this time Katsuki accepted the thermometer when offered. Katsuki winced a little as I pressed it into his mouth and I realized that I might’ve been a little too rough but when I tried to move it out Katsuki smacked my hand away and took hold of the thermometer himself.

I felt like I’d just ruined any chance of happiness for my sick boyfriend.

I waited until it beeped to signal it was done taking his temperature, and moved forward to take it out of the blonde's mouth. Katsuki let me and when I checked he definitely had a fever. I grabbed the medicine measuring cup and poured some into it. I made the mistake of glancing at Katsuki though and overfilling it, then spilled some trying to get it back into the cup.

“Fucking clutz.” Katsuki grumbled as I handed him the cup, I put the cap on the medicine and when I moved to grab some dirty clothes to wipe it up Katsuki spoke again. “Use an actual fucking paper towel you morone!” Katsuki snapped and I quickly redirected where I was heading as my stomach turned.

I returned with the paper towels to find Katsuki had rolled himself back up into a ball, I could hear him mumbling to himself, the kettle went off and I stood, throwing away the paper towels and pouring us some tea, leaving the leaves in the bottom because I know Katsuki likes them and making him some oatmeal, the cinnamon one because that’s his favorite.

I paused as I stood in the kitchen waiting for everything to steep and felt my chest grow tight as I tried to think positively, Katsuki’s being… a dick. I kinda expected it, I took care of him in UA- but at UA there weren’t all theses rules and I always chocked it up to him being a fucking dick because he’s sick and I know that’s what it is now but I can’t help and feel a little hurt about him treating me like this.

Would he be like this with Midorya?

Poly relationships are hard, I don’t know if it’s just me or if they’re really this difficult to navigate but fuck does it hurt to think that I’m being treated lesser, and it hurts even more to realize I think I deserve it. I mean really, I thought I was over being sad and self conscious and… well, depressed. But apparently not, all it takes is a few mean words and a few insecurities planted and suddenly I’m ready to ball my eyes out. But I need to focus because my boyfriend is sick and germs wait for no one!

I grabbed the bowl of oatmeal and carried it out to Kasuki, choosing to go back for the tea. Katsuki looked up but all he had to do was sniff before his face twisted up. I felt a sinking feeling as I hesitantly set it down.

“You needa eat Kats.” I said when he didn’t move, he sighed and sat up. He looked sicker for a few moments, before he seemed to regain his composure, he reached for the bowl and paused as he looked at it. I felt confused because he loves the cinnamon apple most of the time. “What's wrong?” I asked, Katsuki huffed.

“Deku makes me Maple sugar when I’m sick.” He replied and I felt like I’d been punched even if I knew it wasn’t an attack on me.

“I can make it.” I offered, cutting Katsuki off when he opened his mouth. “I can eat that bowl, I haven’t eaten yet anyway.” I assured. I had eaten, and eating now means I can’t eat later because I collect fat way too easily so my calorie intake is very strict. Katsuki paused and then nodded and I set the bowl on the bedside table before heading back to the kitchen.

The second bowl of oatmeal was made as I prepared the tea, most of it on autopilot. I bought Katsuki the tea and he sipped it, his face scrunched and I had no idea what I’d done wrong until I thought back to making it when I was in the kitchen and realized I’d put way too much sugar and honestly this is going horribly.

Germs wait for no one

After a good five minutes I was sitting next to Katsuki on the bed, the two of us eating oatmeal and sipping tea. I’d put a bucket on Katsukis side just in case and and now we were both sitting in silence and I could tell Katsuki was thinking a lot about something,

But I kept quiet, when the food was finished I took it into the kitchen and filled the bowls with water to soak and made more tea before returning. “Cuddles?” I offered Katsuki, who had laid back down, he nodded a little weakly and I crawled into bed, moving to spoon him but the second my arm resting over his stomach his hand slapped my arm and I sat up immediately, pulling away.

“Go- Fucking leave! I want Deku!” Katsuki screamed, now almost sitting up, leaning on his elbow and looking a mix of angry and hurt. He had an arm over his stomach and I realized that I’d probably fucked up by putting any pressure on his stomach. “Fucking- call Deku!” He demanded and I nodded hesitantly, Katsuki waved his hand at me. “Leave!” He barked and I scrambled up to leave.

The living room felt cold now, compared to earlier, and I felt a little sick as I dialed Midoyra’s number, waiting as it rang, rang, rang and he picked up as I fought back tears, the sound of Katsuki throwing up feeling haunting.

“Eiji, is something-”

“You needa come home.” I said immediately, and I heard Deku shift, probably panicking at my tone. “I messed up, I’m bad at this-'' I said, Midorya made a soft shushing sound from the other side of the phone and I hate how it worked because I messed up so I deserve to feel this pain-

“Kachan’s picky, I told you that, Eijiro. It’s not your fault, it's just Katsuki.” Izuku spoke, and I felt horrible as my hand came up to pull at my hair, Katsuki was still throwing up. “What did you do?” Izuku asked.

“I kept doing things wrong like the thermometer and then the food and the tea and- I touched his stomach and he started throwing up.” I stammered, sitting on the couch, still fighting back tears as shame poured through me. It felt like such a silly thing to be this upset over but I feel so horribly about failing this badly at taking care of someone I should know how to help.

“Aw, yeah I should’ve told you all of that, it’s okay Eiji, those were all found out through trial and error you couldn’t have known.” Izuku assured me and I felt relief wash over me at the reassurance even if it felt bittersweet since I couldn’t bring myself to believe it entirely.

“I’m sorry.” I said instead, because I felt bad for making Izuku come home.

“It’s okay, like I said, not your fault.” Izuku assured. “Take a few minutes to calm down, ask Kachan if he needs anything, it’ll probably be a no but check. And then I’ll be there in a few minutes and we can talk about it then.” Izuku offered. I nodded before realizing he couldn’t see me.

“Okay.” I agreed, Izuku hummed.

“I’ll be home in about thirty minutes, thank you for trying, Eijiro.” Izuku said before hanging up.

I sat on the couch for about two minutes, controlling my breathing and keeping my mind focused as I could before standing and heading to the bedroom. I felt nauseous. It wasn’t me getting sick though, was just upset enough to have my stomach in knots.I could…

I opened the door about three minutes later and Katsuki looked up from where he was under the covers, he glared when he saw me and I forced myself not to back away, mouth heavy with the taste of mouthwash as I tried to hide what had happened.

“Hey, do you need anything until Midorya gets here?” I asked, Katsuki scoffed and rolled to face away from me. I frowned but still walked in, I grabbed the bucket of vomit, removed the trash bag, happy there was an extra bag in there already before walking out, hesitating in the doorway. “I’m sorry, Bakugo.” I said before leaving the room.

I spent the time before Izuku got back cleaning as much as I could, I hadn’t made too much of a mess but I made sure to put shit back where it went to keep from irritating Katsuki or making things harder on Izuku. I put in some headphones too, keeping the volume low so I could hear if Katsuki yelled for me but still able to listen to the music and drown out my thoughts.

When the front door opened I put my headphones in their case and met Izuku as he walked past the kitchen. Izuku gave me a smile and leaned up, pressing a kiss to my forehead as I blushed.

“I’m gonna help Kachan clean up, make some chicken noodle soup.” Izuku said, and I nodded because I can do that. “Just use a can, Kachan can’t tell.” Izuku giggled and I smiled softly, getting a wider smile from Izuku. He pressed a kiss to my lips before he walked down the hall

As I made the chicken noodle soup (Which was really just dumping it from the can into a little pot and letting it heat up while stirring every now and again) I could hear Izuku and Katsuki. Katsuki had started crying when Izuku walked in and Izuku comforted him like a pro. It was followed by helping the boy rinse his mouth with mouthwash, drinking water. By the time I was walking in with the soup the two were curled up, Izuku curled around Katsuki with his arm around Katsukis hip.

And it all felt like a mockery. Like I was being made fun of for my shortcomings by the universe. It felt horrible and overwhelming and I wanted to run and pull my hair and cry. I wanted to go back to my own apartment so I could wallow in peace or go to work so I could feel better about myself. Feel useful- be useful to someone for some reason.

“I made the food.” I said, Izuku smiled as he looked over at me and when I turned to Katsuki I was ready for a glare but instead the blonde had tears in his eyes. I hesitated before quickly setting the food down as Katsuki and Izuku sat up. I was going to rush out. I can’t believe just seeing me is making Katsuki cry- it honestly made me want to throw up again. But then Katsuki grabbed my arm.

“I’m sorry.” Katsuki said and while he’s gotten better at apologizing the words are still shocking and he looked like he was going to cry and I felt horrible. Katsuki’s sick so of course he’s all emotional, so of course tears spilled over and snot started to run and I moved forward immediately. I sat on the edge of the bed and cupped Katsuki’s cheeks.

“It’s okay.” I said immediately as I cupped Katsukis cheeks, wiping his tears as he shut his eyes and shook his head.

“No it's not! I yelled at you!” Katsuki exclaimed and I’ve never heard him sound so small and hurt. Almost like a scared little kid and I let out soft shushing sounds as I moved in and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Katsuki pulled in little hitching breaths as I tried to comfort him.

“Yes, it’s fine. You’re sick and angry, I messed up, it happens.” I assured, Katsuki let out a small sob and shook his head. Izuku seemed to come out of nowhere holding a tissue, and Katsuki cried harder as his face was wiped off. I quickly cupped his cheeks and pulled him closer, pressing a kiss to his forehead then nose as Katsuki calmed a little.

“It’s not okay, you were hurt.” He choked, I hummed and gently pulled Katsuki in for a hug as Izuku rubbed Katsukis back. I wanted to protest, deny I was hurt because he doesn’t need to worry about that. But that’s not how relationships work so I chose a different approach. Deflecting, half lie, make it better and wipe it clean.

“Yeah but only a little, I'm strong Kats. And you apologized so we can work past it. I’ll be okay Katsuki.” I said, Katsuki let out a little sob but started to calm down for real after a few moments. His sobs turned into sniffles and eventually Katsuki had calmed down. I rubbed his back and pressed a kiss to his forehead as I held him close.

“You wanna eat some chicken noodle soup?” I asked.

“I had him run out and get it.” Izuku lied, but I didn’t mention it as Katsuki nodded into my shoulder and I grabbed the bowl, holding it out to Katsuki but he didn’t take it. I turned to Izuku and he shook his head as Katsuki grabbed my wrist.

“Feed him, Ei.” Izuku grinned and I blushed but when I looked back at Katsuki he had his mouth open waiting and I hesitated but eventually grabbed the chopsticks and gathered some noodles on them before gently moving it to Katsukis mouth.

Katsuki took the noodles and slurped them up. I helped him eat for the next few minutes, Katsuki doing half the bowl before drinking some of the broth. Izuku took it after and started to eat out of it as Katsuki laid back down, I stayed where I was on the side of the bed, not knowing where I stood now. Do I leave? If I stay where do I go on the bed? What do I do!?

Katsuki’s leg nugged me and when I looked at him he reached a hand out. I paused, looking at Izuku for help only for him to move over. Katsuki nugged me again I was hesitant, I’ve fucked up so much, what if I fuck this up too? But with a little sound from Katsuki I moved and laid down and Katsuki moved to me, he pushed my hand up and I slid it under the pillows, letting Katsuki put an arm over my waist. I put my own arm around Katsukis shoulders and let him press his face to my chest.

It was quite as Katsukis breathing evened out, Izuku put the bowl on the bedside table, or so I assume, and then he was behind me, curling his form around me. I sighed and closed my eyes, realizing I was going to end up asleep anyway so it’s best not to fight it. I fell asleep after a few minutes and for a little the guilt lifted off my chest.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“How-” Izuku hacked a few times into the toilet, I held his bangs out of his face as he threw up. “Are you not sick?” Izuku choked out, turning to look up at me. I smiled softly and hummed.

“I ate a lot of dirt as a kid.” I replied, Izuku whined and flushed the toilet, resting his head on the toilet seat as he shook in the aftermath of vomiting so aggressively. I felt bad, because it is kinda unfair that he got sick even though I was right next to Katsuki.

We’d gone to sleep for about three hours and I woke up to Izuku making a mad dash to the bathroom. By the time I got in here he was already aggressively emptying his guts. I did my best to help but it took about ten total minutes before he finished throwing up.

“Com’on, let's get you into bed.” I suggested, Izuku whined but didn’t protest as I picked him up. I paused before sitting him on the sink, grabbing one of the little disposable cups and filling it with water. Izuku rinsed and then turned and spat into the sink. I gave him mouthwash and watched him do the same thing before I picked him up again.

Izuku had a nice layer of sweat so I grabbed him a baggy tank top and helped him put it on, pulling Izuku’s pants off of him and tossing them. I didn’t change his boxers, instead helping him under the covers.

“You okay?” Katsuki rasped, hand tapping Izuku's thigh. Izuku hummed softly in confirmation and I hesitated. They’re both sick, that means it’s up to me, and only me, to take care of them. I hesitated before sighing. I could do this. I grabbed the medicine, poured Izuku a dose and handed it to him. Izuku took it and drank it down when it was handed to him, making a face but not fighting.

“You guys wanna try to eat?” I offered, Katsuki paused and then shook his head, Izuku shook no in agreement and I hummed. “I’ll make some tea then.” I said, no one protested that so I went to the kitchen. I started some water, turned on some light music and grabbed the box of plastic thermometer covers. I went back to the bedroom and grabbed the thermometer, covering it before pressing it to Katsukis lips. He took it and I was careful as I tucked it under his tongue, Katsuki accepted it and I pressed the button.

Katsuki’s fever had gone down a little, the previous 104F having become a nice 99.8F and after I took Izukus, pressing it into his mouth. He’d shot up in fever while we slept apparently, temperature coming back as 103F. Izuku needed cold tea, then.

I took my time shuffling around, I made sure there was no vomit left in the toilet, put things away in the kitchen, moved a new cup of chicken noodle soup to the front so Katsuki wouldn't know it was from a can. It wasn’t like he’d throw a big fit about it but he’d be a little pissy about it for the upcomong days. When the water boiled I made the tea, putting a few cubes of ice in Izuku’s. I’m not sure if it matters but I figured I could be safer than sorry, especially since I don’t know where the fancy stuff from Shoto is.

I set one cup of tea on each night stand and a pack of crackers on Katsuki’s side. Izuku smiled at me, and Katsuki fallen back asleep. That’s usually what happens when Katsuki's sick, he just sleeps, and sleeps, and sleeps until he can be awake without being miserable again.

Not Izuku, apparently. Izuku was awake, laying on his back and sweating a little. He was looking up at the ceiling. I walked around and sat on the edge of the bed, reaching out and hesitantly brushing my fingers through Izuku’s hair. Izuku hummed in reply to the touch, eyes closing.

He’s definitely burning up, I’m surprised I didn’t wake up sooner, then again my skin can go pretty numb at times. I pressed a kiss to Izukus jaw and he chuckled softly, only for it to turn into a cough.

“Really snuck up on you, huh?” I asked, keeping my voice quiet. Izuku nodded softly as he looked over at me. “Want me to get you a cold rag, or an ice pack?” I offered, Izuku shook his head, raising his arm up to stretch it above his head, one leg pulling up to rest on the bed. I thought it was odd that it was relaxed despite being raised- Izuku can sleep like that if he wants. I could never.

“I’ll be okay, you relax.” He said, free hand grabbing my own, squeezing it. “You don’t gotta take care of us.” Izuku said and I felt a sudden flush of irritation.

“I want to.” I said immediately, managing to keep my voice lowered despite my minor irritation. Izuku raised an eyebrow. “I do, I just wasn’t sure how.” I admitted, Izuku smiled.

“Then you can do what you want, you seem to have it down, now.” He replied. “I’m gonna try and sleep, though. So you can go do whatever.” Izuku offered. “Just no heavy food and you’ll be fine.” He chuckled. I smiled and nodded, Izuku rolled over and I leaned down and pressed a kiss to Izuku’s forehead before standing and slipping out of the room.

I listened to music, watched TV, when it was time for late lunch, after Izuku and Katsuki had been asleep for another three hours, I stood. It’s 4pm, a late lunch early dinner time. I went into the kitchen and started to cook. After a little research I started to make a simple rice and egg bowl, making them small so my boyfriends could stomach them and making some rice pudding while I was at it just in case they wanted something else.

I poured some more tea. Retrieving the mugs from the bedroom to do so and then bought the food in. I woke Katsuki up first, gently shaking his shoulder until he roused. Katsuki glared as he sat up and I poured him more medicine, you take it every 6 hours and it’s been a little over 8 now since his last dose. I watched him down it and then handed him the bowl, sitting on the edge of the bed as he took a bite and nodded in approval, drinking some of the tea after. I got the thermometer again and put another new cover on it before raising it to Katsukis mouth. He accepted it and when I pulled it out his fever was broken, now settled at 97F.

“You’re no longer feverish.” I said, ruffling Katsukis hair and getting a glare. I moved around to Izuku, gently nudging his shoulder. He whined as he woke up but when I helped him sit up he went without arguing, letting him take his time as he sat up. I took Izuku’s temperature first, he was on the way down, having lowered back to 100F and I smiled as I pressed a kiss to his sweaty forehead, watching Izuku pout before I set the food in his hands. Izuku sighed but still took a bite.

The two ate, I sat at the end of the bed and was quiet, simply waiting for them to finish, Izuku let out little sniffles every few minutes and Katsuki seemed like he was ready to pass out. They finished their food though, and when Izuku set his bowl down, I moved forward. I was about to take the bowl and bring it back into the kitchen but Izuku grabbed my arm and pulled me to him, pressing a sweet kiss to my lips.

“Can you come to sleep with us?” Izuku asked and I thought for a moment. There’s nothing on in the kitchen, Katsuki yawned and set his bowl down before laying down again and I sighed and nodded.

I feel back asleep holding the two close

~~~~~~

I woke up to Katsuki over me, red eyes glaring down at me as he stood. I paused, brain not catching up for a moment before I remembered the day before.

“Katsuki, you shouldn’t be up-” I started, shifting away from Izuku, we’d shifted places in the night so I ended up in the middle, Izuku was still kind of sweaty but not too bad, I should’ve set an alarm to wake him up for medicine.

“I feel fine.” Katsuki said, cutting me off. “It’s one of those one day viruses.” He huffed and I hesitated before nodding softly.

“Should still be taking it easy.” I said, Katsuki rolled his eyes and reached to the bedside table, and the smell hit me before the sight did.

Food

It was a plate loaded with sausage, eggs, bacon, and pancakes. I felt saliva flood my mouth and was grabbing it before even being told to take it, grabbing a piece of bacon with my hand and shoving the whole thing into my mouth. Katsuki let out a soft scoff as he shuffled around the bed.

“Did you fucking eat at all yesterday?” He asked, voice softer than normal, even if it still had Katsukis brand of assholeiness. I nodded.

“Yeah, I had breakfast then I ate your oatmeal.” I said through a mouthful of food. “Then I threw it up and- ohhhh.” I said in realization, that’s why I’m so hungry. I also realized after why I shouldn't have said that because Katsuki froze up immediately.

“Did you get sick?” He asked, already moving forward, hand placed on my forehead.

“No! No, I just- I didn’t feel good.” I said, Katsuki frowned.

“When did you throw up?” He asked, sitting back and crossing his arms, glancing at Izuku.

“I-” I couldn’t tell him not to worry about it or brush it off or lie because I suck at lying. “Right before Izuku got here.” I admitted.

“You didn’t eat dinner?” Katsuki asked, I shook my head hesitantly and I watched his jaw clench. “Fuck- Kiri you’re skinny as a fuckn stick you can’t do that shit.” Katsuki hissed, standing up.

“I didn’t do anything yesterday so I figured it’d be fine.” I argued, Katsuki huffed at me like I was an idiot (Which I probably am) and then made his way to the door.

“I’m going to go get Deku’s breakfast, finish stuffing face and wake him up. I needa check if he still has a fever.” Katsuki said. “We’re continuing this conversation later.” He added; before walking out. I sat for a second because I did fine taking care of Izuku yesterday! I set the plate aside and stood, stomach growling in protest of not being able to eat (Which is dumb because at the same time I feel nauseous from not eating). I grabbed the thermometer and put on those stupid plastic cases before gently nudging Izuku’s shoulder. Izuku whined but still woke, looking up at me with groggy eyes.

“Hey, bubs.” I said, Izuku pouted and tried to roll away, I held his shoulder and pushed the tip of the thermometer to his mouth. Izuku opened his lips and I put it under his tongue gently before hitting the button. It beeped after a few moments and he had a small fever, 99.7 now. Katsuki was right, one day virus.

I reached over and poured Izuku some medicine before helping him drink it, Izuku rolling over again after, I settled on his other side once more and picked up my plate right as Katsuki walked in, holding a bowl of food seeming similar to what I gave them yesterday with an addition of toast.

“Did you make pudding?” Katsuki asked as he poked Izuku's shoulder, Izuku groaned like we were ruining his life but still rolled over and sat up once more, taking the bowl and glaring at it.

“Yeah.” I said, quickly adding as Katsuki reached for the thermometer. “I took his temperature and gave him medicine.” I said, Katsuki paused and then shot me a glare.

“The fuck?” He asked. “Why?” He demanded.I paused, mind immediately jumping to the fact that I’d messed up again, somehow. I hated how fast it made my chest tight and stomach roll.

“I- cuss I wanted to help…” I admitted. “Was he supposed to eat before taking the medicine?” I asked, Katsuki scoffed

“No, you were supposed to eat while Izuku took the medicine. I said to wake him up not to keep being his nurse!” Katsuki complained, voice raising a little. Izuku smacked Katsukis shoulder to tell him to quiet down. Katsuki huffed and crossed his arms, frowning deeply.

“You worked all day yesterday.” Katsuki admitted. “And I was a dick and you still tried again. I wanted to do some work so you could relax, I was trying to say thank you.” Katsuki complained, I blushed and looked away before sighing.

“I’m sorry I took over your job.” I said before extending a hand to beckon Katsuki down. Katsuki moved when I made grabby hands and pressed a kiss to my lips before standing fully.

“Finish eating, fuck head.” Katsuki said, I smiled. It’s nice to have him back.

“Loud.” Izuku grumbled. Katsuki laughed and made his way out as I started to really eat my breakfast.

It feels good to be loved, even if I can only get part of me to believe it..

Chapter Text

“It’s just so annoying!” I complained, my head was in Izuku’s lap, the boy running his fingers through my hair gently as Katsuki sat on Izuku's other side, reading on his phone and looking over as he heard the conversation. Izuku hummed as he smiled down at me.

It’s been a year now, since we all got together, it’s our anniversary so we all took off work to be together. It’s been nice, all of us being able to hang out like this since it never happens. We’ve mostly spent the day cuddling, fucking, talking and cooking. It’s been nice and comfortable, we haven’t been able to get together at once like this in at least three months for this long, so it’s really, really nice to be able to spend time together like this. Even if I am complaining.

“Like, the commute is super long, and it’s so far away and it’s so small! And there's issues with the water system and stuff but I can’t find anywhere to move that wouldn't put a huge dent in my spending money.” I sighed, Izuku let out another sympathetic hum, fingers still raking through my hair and making me feel a little sleepy with how comfortable it’s making me.

“This is dumb.” Katsuki announced, I huffed and tilted my head to look at him, pouting.

“Why?” I asked, voice rising an octave in my outrage. “These are actually problems.” I huffed.

“No, they’re not. The solution is simple.” Katsuki stated that I was missing some big part of the picture. He glanced at Izuku who shrugged as if giving him the go ahead and now I’m kinda nervous because if Izuku’s in on it then maybe I am being dumb. Katsuki looked back to me at the nod, now leaning over me a little, smirk slipping onto his features.

“Move in with us, Eijiro.”

I swear it felt like my world halted to a stop. Do I really want to do this? Am I sure? Because that’s a lot of commitment. It’s a lot of work. We’ve known each other for years, we’ve been dating for a whole year now, but is that really a good idea? If I really think about it then yeah, it’d solve a lot of issues and it’d be more time around them but that’s a big step. I’ve never moved in with any of my past boyfriends but… I’ve known Katsuki and Izuku way longer than I knew any of them so maybe…..

“I’ll think on it.” I said, a little nervous as I looked up at Katsuki. Katsuki leaned down and pressed a kiss to my head, pulling away smirking.

“Take your time.” He replied.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The move took a total of three days to think about, followed by about a week of planning mostly on Katsukis part. Signing a new lease and then two days of moving all of our shit into a new apartment. The apartment was closer to all of our agencies and spacious, a two bedroom apartment with a huge kitchen and a nice bathroom, the living room also big enough to have all three of us on one couch without even touching. It was nice, and perfect for all of us and our budget. And yes, we could’ve bought a house but we all agreed that was a little too soon.

So we were living together. Which posed a few problems, even if it made a lot of solutions.

The first one came almost immediately, Katsuki is clean and I am not. Izuku adapted to this but now I need to, and while being at their house all the time before helped with that it didn’t train me perfectly. I’m still used to leaving my toothbrush on the bathroom counter every morning and forgetting to clean out the coffee maker. They’re small things but it’s enough to get Katsuki yelling at me in the morning because he is the crabbest before the sun rises.

Which was fine, I grew up with two mothers, I can handle bitching… most of the time. Not all the time though. We’ve been living together for roughly two weeks now, and I had a horrible day, the villains I fought were relentless. I won but not without my skin pricking from my quirk, and not without needing to do a shitton of paper work to make up for all the damages that happened in the fight.

And, normally when I get home after a shit day the process is to clean up, go to my room, lay in bed and listen to music and float for a few hours. Usually I fall asleep at some point and wake up the next day starving but ultimately won’t eat breakfast anyway because I’ll get all upset thinking about the night before, go to work hungry and end up eating a huge lunch. It’s not the healthiest cycle but it’s what I’ve come up with to handle everything without actively cutting up my arms or anything (And I even fall back on that some nights).

I sighed, shoulders slouched as I kicked off my shoes, I’d cleaned up at the agency today, so I was entirely ready to go to my room, which is more of a spare bedroom that I keep some of my shit in, and block out the world until tomorrow, just shut down.

“Ei!” Katsuki exclaimed, I tensed a little, looking up to find Katsuki, head poking out of the kitchen. He looked a little upset, not livid upset but definitely like he has something to say. My stomach dropped a little. Being yelled at is not going to help my emotions by any means. I almost forgot I was living with them. I was so hell bound on laying down in a nice, warm bed.

“Yeah?” I asked, making my way into the house. I slapped on a smile; still second nature as always, grinning at Katsuki as I walked to the kitchen. Katsuki scoffed at me.

“You forgot to clean out the fucking coffee maker again.” He complained. “I don’t like having to do that, I clean it out when I’m done you should too. It’s annoying having to clean your mess!” Katsuki complained and I nodded softly, still grinning because it’s default, even if my mind took the complaints as insults and then ran.

“Sorry, I’ll try to remember next time.” I offered, moving closer to Katsuki and when he didn’t glare or move away I wrapped an arm around his waist and pressed a kiss to his forehead, the skin up my arms poking me with pinpricks from my quirk. He seemed to be making tea.

“It’s whatever, are you joining Deku and I for a movie?” Katsuki asked. We don’t often all get home at the same time and it’d be nice but…

“No, I’m gonna go do some crocheting in the spare.” I said, Katsuki frowned deeply at the admission.

“You can do that during the movie.” He pointed out, hand fisting my shirt, tugging gently. My mind swirled a little, even that feeling forceful and overwhelming. I kept the smile up with practiced ease, even as my throat decided to try and close in on itself, head spinning a little with the overwhelming emotions and feelings of doom.

“Yeah, but I wanna listen to music while doing it.” I offered. “And I don’t wanna be distracting.” I said, Katsuki paused, glaring for a few moments before huffing.

“If you don’t wanna hang out just say so, dipshit.” Katsuki replied, he pressed a quick kiss to my forehead before letting me stand fully. The smile fell a little as I wrapped my arms around him again, my arms hurt and my shirt was uncomfortable against my chest.

“It’s nothing against you two.” I assured, Katsuki just hummed and pressed a kiss to my neck.

“I know, have fun alone.” Katuski said, pulling away. “Love you.” he added, I smiled and nodded.

“I love you too.” I replied, Katsuki punched my shoulder as he walked past, I forced a smile before going to the spare room.

The spare is really just a queen sized bed, which used to be mine, with a few other pieces of furniture from my place like a chair and bookshelf and a lot of my Crismon Riot merch, now it also holds some All Might merch, and shitton of stuff from all of our friends. Kind of a fanboy room, but I didn’t mind, I grabbed some headphones and connected them to my phone. I laid down after, the covers gave me pin pricks but my skin settled slowly.

The covers were cool as I slid under them but took no time to heat up, I clicked my playlist and closed my eyes as the notes washed over me. I grabbed the weighted blanket and threw it on top before letting my mind be absorbed in the music, thoughts and time ceased to exist for a few moments before a flood of negative thoughts and feelings shoved forward.

And just like that I was sobbing.

I kept quiet as I laid there, despite the sobs wracking me I managed to keep decently quiet, I think. It took me almost an hour to calm down, sobs slowing to a stop and sleepiness washing over me but no sleep to speak of taking over. I stared at nothing as tears leaked out every so often, for a while nothing mattered but just existing for now, just being able to relax having purged what I needed to.

It was so oddly calming to lay there after crying, the pillow still wet under my head but not able to care enough to actually move it. Instead I just laid, letting tears continue to leak out whenever they pleased. I don’t know exactly how long I laid there, not moving besides breathing, mind floating as it refused to focus on any one thought for too long. I only startled out of it when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I panicked immediately, eyes shooting open as I turned to look at whoever had come in, finding Katsuki. He looked mad before immediately looking worried, face twisting in a way that had me wanting to cry all over again. A few tears leaked out as Katsukis hands settled on the sides of my headphones, gently taking them out and setting it aside before he leaned in.

“Ei…” Katsuki whispered it and I immediately ducked my head to his shoulder. Katsuki gently cupped the back of my head to hold me there. I tried to regain myself as Katsuki ran his finger through my hair but the touch just made it all come pouring out all over again. Tears spilled out of me with sobs, I wasn’t even aware of Katsuki yelling for Izuku until the boy was on my other side.

I calmed down faster than last time, it was about ten minutes before I managed to start catching my breath. Another ten for my breathing to return to normal and five more for tears to stop. Izuku and Katsuki were silent as I calmed and somehow they shifted us to be laying down. My chest felt lighter, I hadn’t even noticed it felt tight. That almost made it start all over again, instead though I curled into Katsuki; gripping tightly onto him.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Izuku whispered and I let out an embarrassing sound that was closer to a whimper than a hum as I turned to look at him. Izuku gave me a smile and cupped my cheeks. I could tell he’d been crying at some point by the marks left on his cheeks from the tears. I felt guilt wash over me and jumped a little as Katsuki smacked my shoulder, I held back from yelping..

“None of that guilt shit, what’s wrong and why didn’t you say anything?” Katsuki asked, I paused, hesitating, but when I looked at Izuku he looked interested and worried and when I glanced at Katsuki he had the same look even if he hid it a little behind irritation. “It’s not about me yelling at you is it?” Katsuki asked, a rare moment of insecurity slipping into his voice as he looked down at me. I shook my head.

“I just…” I sighed and placed my head back on Katsuki’s chest. “I had a bad day.” I admitted. Izuku huffed next to me.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Izuku asked, voice soft as he ran a hand up and down my back. I swallowed, not sure what to say. How do I tell them this is just the routine? Asking them for help didn’t even cross my mind because it makes me feel like a burden?

“Dunno…” I mumbled. “Not…” I hesitated again before figuring I needed to say something or they’d only prod more. “I’m not used to going to people yet.” I admitted. Katsuki huffed and Izuku immediately pressed himself up against me, worried and hugging me tightly as he pressed kisses to my cheek.

“You can always come to us, just like how we always come to you.” Katsuki said, voice gruff as he took my face in his hands, tilting me to look up at him. “I don’t care what we’re doing, or how our day was, if we’ve all had a shitty day then we’ll cry together, but you’re not in this alone.” Katsuki said, voice firm. “If-..” Katsuki huffed and his eyes focused on Izuku who picked up for the blonde.

“If you don’t feel comfortable yet that’s fine, just know you can always come to us.” Izuku said, I smiled, the words had small tears pricking my eyes. I nodded quickly and shoved my face back against Katsuki’s chest.

“I know, I will.” I assured (Even if it felt like a lie), squeezing my arms around Katsuki before turning and wrapping Izuku in a hug, Izuku giggling and happily hugging back. “Thank you, so much.” I said, Katsuki scoffed and Izuku hummed, smiling as he pressed a kiss to my nose.

“Com’on! Kachan made food!” Izuku chirped as he sat up, grinning at me and I nodded softly as I looked at him, Katsuki shifting and standing, pulling off his shirt as he went.

“It’s probably cold by now.” Katsuki grumbled but that didn’t stop Izuku and I from jumping up to follow him to the kitchen.

Maybe they’re right, maybe I just need to trust my loved ones(If only my mind would let me)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I don’t have things to hide. I never have (Or not things that weren’t on my body) And I don’t plan too. But that doesn't mean I’m okay with people going through my stuff! I might not have things to hide but I like knowing where things are or at least having an idea and it’s hard to backtrack and find something if someone moved it anyway.

So, maybe when I got home and found Izuku with his head in my dresser of old clothes, I got a little angry.

I froze in the doorway, I’d been looking for Izuku anyway. I’d checked every room but this one. And it’s not like I told them never to step foot in here- no they’re both allowed in here but I’ve never seen either of them actively going through my stuff, not without asking at least.

“What the fuck?” I asked, voice raising immediately as I looked at Izuku, he froze and looked up at me, face washing over in confusion. “What are you doing?” I exclaimed, Izuku stood, moving slowly and holding his hands up as if handling a startled animal. And I definitely know why Katsuki hates when Izuku argues because the stupid tension diffuser act is so frustrating.

“I’m just trying to find a shirt.” Izuku said, anger bubbled out before I could keep it in.

“Why are you looking in here!?” I yelled. “There’s no reason it'd be in here!” I barked, Izuku flinched and glanced away, shrugging. “Fuckn- answer me dipshit!” I yelled.

“I couldn’t find it anywhere else.” Izuku admitted, shoulders slumping as he looked away, guilt and hurt pouring off him and that had me deflating. Izuku tends to act small and submissive to avoid conflict, and unlike Katsuki, I have plenty of sympathy for the boy. I glanced away, uncomfortable very suddenly as I realized I’d just blown up on Izuku while lacking good reason.

“I- '' I hesitated, shoulders hunching in. “I’m sorry.” I said, abruptly, Izuku nodded softly and shuffled his feet a little, glancing away. I frowned, and hesitantly went and sat on the bed. Izuku was stiff but still moved too, sitting next to me on the bed. I sighed and closed my eyes as he rested a hand on my shoulder. “I didn’t mean- well I did but I- '' I huffed. “I wasn't thinking and I’m sorry.” I admitted. Izuku gave a small smile now and leaned over, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

“I know.” He said, voice gentle. “But uh, what happened?” He asked, voice soft as he looked at me. I frowned and glanced away.

“I-I’m a little uh… I guess possessive.” I explained. “My uh, mom used to go through my room all the time, I guess I got really used to living alone and not having to worry about people going through my stuff.” I sighed. “It just really took me back to middle school.” I admitted. Izuku paused and then smiled and nodded, he leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to my cheek, the gentle affection making my skin light up as I leaned over and stole a kiss from bitten up lips.

“I get it, my mom was the same way.” Izuku admitted, tucking himself against my side. “I used to lose my mind if Kachan moved my All Might figurines or I couldn’t find one. I was the same way about my journals in high school, remember?” Izuku asked and I nodded. He’d always been protective of his things and they never left his room if they didn’t need to.

“Sorry for yelling at you.” I said, guilt bleeding into my tone. Izuku giggled and leaned over, pressing a long kiss to my lips and smiling at me.

“It’s okay, I get it.” Izuku said, voice soft and nuzzled the underside of my jaw, he pulled away. “It’s on your desk anyway.” He said, and I turned and sure enough there was a shirt I’d stolen a few nights ago sitting on the desk, I’d come in here to change because I’d needed to grab something and I guess I forgot to return it.

“Oops…” I said, Izuku laughed.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Shit…” Katsuki groaned it into Izukus mouth, we were all home, even after a year together we haven’t all had sex, always too tired or timid. We’ve barely managed to make it through making out all together. I growled at the words, immediately covering Katsukis mouth with mine, Izuku moaning loud and unashamed as he fucked into the blonde.

This is round… three? For Izuku at least, I think I’m on five, Katsuki’s on four. It’s been a long ass night, put simply. We’re all sweaty and soaked and have taken two breaks for water and food. Izuku whined, and I knew he was close, hips sputtering and bucking into Katsuki as I pulled away. Katsuki cursed up a storm immediately. I leaned back and pulled Izuku into my shoulder, he whined into it as he kept fucking Katsuki, I could feel his tears leaking into my skin.

I groaned as Katsuki wrapped a hand around me, starting to jerk me off, and Katsuki was close too, twitching as his feet fought for purchase on the sheets, hand gripping the pillow behind his head, eyes shut tightly and back arching on each thrust in.

It didn’t take long for those two to peak, Katsuki releasing onto his stomach as Izuku came inside the boy. I paused as I looked down at the two, Katsuki’s hand limp on the sheets. I grinned seeing them.

“Good boys.” I said, reaching out and running my hand over both of their chests gently. Izuku giggled and Katsuki groaned, his leg moved before shaking and falling.

“Out.” He said, knee tapping against Izuku who hummed and pulled out. I stood, ready to clean up only for Katsuki to grab my arm, pulling gently. “In.” He said, I hesitated.

“You sure, I don’t want to-”

“In.” Katsuki demanded. “Deku, start a bath.” Katsuki said, I tried to pull away.

“But I can get-” I offered, Katsuki glared at the same time as Izuku shifted behind me and lined me up, pushing my hips forward gently to try and coax me into fucking Katsuki. I was frozen for a few moments before sighing and shifting.

“I’m cleaning up next time.” I said, pressing my finger into Katsuki and pulling it out just as quickly, watching Katsuki jolt. Izuku giggled and kissed my shoulder before leaving. I lined up and started to fuck Katsuki, he moaned loudly, kicking at the sheets and squirming, I grabbed onto his hair, stilling the blonde almost immediately , Katsuki moaning and whining as he arched his back, eyes rolling and dick twitching even as it stayed limp.

By the time Izuku returned, Katsuki was limp under me and I had finished filling the blonde, cum leaking out around my dick. I grinned at Izuku who just giggled. It wasn’t until we were in the bathroom, cleaning the still asleep Katsuki out that I realized it.

“I don’t have to go home!” I exclaimed, keeping my voice down. Izuku paused and then smiled and nodded. “I am home.” I whisper shouted as Izuku laughed softly, he leaned forward and we shared kisses as we washed ourselves off, Izuku got out to go change the sheets as I finished up with Katsuki, and before long we were all lying in bed together, all swaddled up, curled around each other and holding each other close.

Normally I leave, it's part of why we haven’t all had sex yet, I don’t like leaving after stuff like this leaves a bad taste in my mouth and I feel like I failed. Last time I left after having sex with Izuku I narrowly avoided a whole meltdown once I was home. It was horrible and while I didn’t tell Izuku and Katsuki the whole thing I lied more than once about being busy the next morning or not being in the mood to get out of having sex.

But I didn’t need to worry about that anymore, I literally live here and I could curl around Katsuki and hold Izuku’s hip and feel warm, and full and like I belong somewhere. There’s something different about post-sex cuddles. They’re more fulfilling than any other time I’ve done this. I’ve always been a sucker for aftercare and some days I’d even go as far as to say I enjoy it more than the actual sex.

And apparently I was emotional because I felt my eyes sting, I opened them to find Izuku asleep, snoring softly as he laid with his eyes closed and I felt the want to wake him. Wanted to ask to switch and have him curl around me and tell me it’s okay, or just reassure me I did good, that it’s okay to feel so happy that you cry about it.

But it’s late and while we don’t have to go in until the afternoon tomorrow I knew they needed sleep. So I shifted and after a few minutes managed to slip out of bed as much as it made my chest feel like it was caving in and my stomach churn in protest.

I sat in the bathroom after that, I got it all out while doing my best to keep quiet, my stomach even joining in on the purge into the toilet before I washed out my mouth and got rid of the tear stains before making my way into the bedroom and curling up behind Katsuki once more.

“Eichan?” Izuku mumbled softly.

“I had to piss, go back to sleep.” I replied, keeping my voice gentle as I settled a hand on Izuku's hip, he hummed and crowded closer to me, squishing Katsuki who growled while still asleep. I smiled softly and forced myself not to think again, because it always ends badly.

“Okay, love you.” Izuku mumbled and I hummed softly.

“Love you too.” I replied, the weight in my bones helped me fall asleep

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _

“The fuck?! Eat!” Katsuki barked, I swallowed a little nervously as I looked up at the blonde.

“I ate.” I replied, glancing down at the plate which held the other half of my breakfast

“No, you ate half of your food!” Katsuki barked. “You came like five times last night, you need to eat!” He snapped

In all honesty, I’m pretty sure that’s a shitty excuse Katsukis using to get me to eat more. He’s been bitching at me since I moved in about not eating, I could always lie about my proportions before but now since he’s actively feeding me it’s not as easy. Plus, we never went over the whole throwing up thing from a couple months ago, so it’s an issue I know he’s aware of and it's unresolved. Katsuki could be thinking all kinds of things to make up why I’m not eating… We should really talk about that.

But I don’t have an eating disorder- at least I don’t think I do. I don’t actively starve myself, or make myself throw up. I count calories a little closely because eating just a little too much will get rid of my abs and whenever I get upset I lose my appetite immediately even when it’s not something actually big to get upset over.

“Kats you know I’m on a diet-” I started but he growled at me

“Yeah and I’ve started fucking counting the calories for you- you can’t be this big and eat as little as you do!” He snapped. “You wonder why your quirk doesn’t work and why you’re getting hurt all the time, it’s cuss you’re not eating enough!” Katsuki exclaimed, voice raising a little more than normal. And it’s the morning after and I feel raw and I was already upset, and the yelling isn’t helping.

But I didn’t know what to say because I know this and I can’t deny it without being a total dick. I looked down at the plate and sighed.

“I guess you’re right.” I said starting to eat, Katsuki huffed as my stomach churned and grumbled about always being right.

“You’re doing amazing, Eijiro.” Izuku said as he walked up behind me, he’d been in the bedroom doing something and he pressed a kiss to my forehead with a soft, slightly worried smile.

“Thank you.” I replied even if I didn’t feel it.

I visited the bathroom ten minutes after putting the plate in the sink

Maybe it’s time to get an eating disorder.

Chapter Text

“No but you’re being an unreasonable dick, it’s not that big of a mission!” Katsuki screamed and I sighed as I made my way through the office, interns and new sidekicks cowering away from the biggest office in the back which houses the number one and two heroes, AKA where the screaming is coming from. The more experienced who have been here more than a year give me a friendly grin and wave from where they lounge calmly, knowing how this plays out. I waved back to those who bother to acknowledge me and continue on my path.

“It’s a fucking death mission, Katsuki! You don’t need the bump up on your hero ranking that bad-” Izuku’s voice rang out as I neared the door and I heard small explosions

“It’s not about that you fucking ass-”

“Knock knock.” I said as I opened the door to find a very beat down looking Izuku, still covered in grime and soot from his most recent fight. It ended about thirty minutes ago but Katsuki had dragged Izuku away after a reporter mentioned some big fight happening overseas and I guess this is why.

“Get the fuck out!” Katsuki screamed at me as Izuku sighed and gave me a look that read tired, he looked like he’d aged about fifty years in the last ten minutes alone.

“Uh, I mean I just finished my shift if you wanted to train?” I offered as Katsuki gave me a death glare.

“Please.” Izuku practically begged as Katsuki made an offended face.

“The fuck- are you kicking me out?” Katsuki snapped. Izuku groaned.

“Until you can actually talk about this, yes!” He snapped. I put my hands up a little, a small placating gesture.

“Yeah, we can reconvene after I kick your ass, DynaMight.” I teased lightly, keeping my attitude up with ease. Katsukis head sapped to look at me and he looked downright scandalized.

“Eat shit fuckface.” Katsuki growled but he still stormed over, shoving me aside. I looked at Izuku and he gave me a tired smile.

“Go handle him, I'll be okay. I’m gonna go see Ocacho after a shower.” He said and I nodded, trusting Izuku to take care of himself. “Thank you, love you.” Izuku added, I gave a grin.

“My pleasure, Izu. Love you too.” I said, turning out of the room without any more words before my boyfriend's warpath could start to involve anyone but me.

—------------

“Fuck.” I groaned as I sat down. Katsuki huffed from next to me, I’d pinned him a few times, he’s pinned me a few times. We’ve both gone back and forth for almost three hours now and when I checked my phone during our last break thirty minutes ago Izuku had just texted he was home. Katsuki scoffed as he sat and we were quiet as we drank water for a few moments.

This is going well, I got Katsuki to take a break an hour in and we’ve managed to take one every thirty minutes since then. It’s definitely been helping Katsuki, he’s becoming more level headed the longer this goes on and I can tell he’s close to cracking.

“So like, you ready to talk?” I prompted as I leaned forward, Katsuki paused and then groaned softly, leaning back.

“I fucking guess, not much to talk about.” He complained. And I hummed, standing.

“Back to it then.” I said and Katsuki glared, but his resolve was weak so when I kicked the ground in front of him he was up in arms in seconds.

And roughly ten minutes later I had him struggling under me, screaming and kicking in a way that said he was at his limit. I held him until he stopped struggling and the screaming turned into sobbing. Katsuki’s explosive in everything he does and that goes from anger to sadness and the sobs turned into cries as I shifted us so that Katsuki was sitting down when I was sure he wouldn’t attack me.

Sometimes Katsuki prefers not to be touched so I just put a hand on his back for a few minutes as he cried, whenever his hand’s popped I’d offer my forearm and he’d always place them there before pulling away to beat the ground weakly. It’s kind of like a kid throwing a tantrum and most of the time you just need to sit and let him work it out.

But after about ten minutes the anger seemd to really be gone and he headbutted my shoulder. I smiled and put a hand on the back onto his head as I shuffled closer, arm coming around and wrapping around Katsuki’s back. Katsuki sniffled and sobbed against my skin.

“I wanna be good- hic- enough.” Katsuki choked out, still crying, still sobbing and shaking in my arms. “I wanna- I wanna feel good enough. I feel- like I’m not doing enough all the time.” He sobbed softly. “And therapy won- won’t help and fucking- praise doesn’t help and- I dunno what I need to do to convince myself that I’m perfect.” Katsuki sobbed and I paused as I held him close, petting his hair and frowning a soft bit. I took a second to think as Katsuki calmed himself before pulling away

I cupped Katsukis cheeks and looked at him. Katsuki’s eyes were red and puffy, face a mess of snot and tears. The harsh lights of the gym shining off of him and making him look ethereal. It made me want to smile and cry and I leaned in and pressed a long kiss to Katsukis lips.

“You’re not perfect.” I said, and watched Katsukis face twist up like another sob was coming. “But You shouldn’t be perfect.” I continued and watched Katsuki as his face morphed into confusion, a little sob leaving him as he looked at me. I smiled and chuckled a little.

“You don’t need to be perfect and- I don’t want you to be perfect Katsuki, neither does Izuku. We like you now, we like when you blow up cuss someone didn’t clean the fridge when we cleared out the old groceries. We like how you’ll leave the laundry in the washing machine and blame one of us, and how you’ll go into a fight with a villain and try to scream insults at them thinking they were a different villain and still somehow be spot on.” I rambled, watching Katsukis little sobs turn into giggles and morph back into sobs before going back to giggles.

I held Katsuki close as he switched between the two until they seemed to become one and I pressed a kiss to his hair as I rocked us. Katsuki calmed slowly once more and he sighed softly against my neck as he regained himself. I stood and bought him with me. Katsuki didn’t protest. I carried him to our stuff and had him sip some water as I packed up, and then I carried him to the showers.

I washed Katsuki off, pressing kisses to his face and shoulders and anywhere I could.w I washed myself after, Katsuki lazily rubbing his hands over me to help spread the soap around before I went over it with the lofa, a silent thanks. He didn’t speak until we were getting dressed together.

“My mom always made me feel like I had to be something great.” He said, voice soft. “And then everyone else did too and I… I guess it still fucks with me sometimes. Deku doesn't help cuss, well he just tells me that I am amazing.” Katsuki admitted, turning his gaze to me, eyes soft and gentle. “You make me feel like I’m a piece of shit though, and sometimes that’s exactly what I need.” Katsuki gave a grin, eyes still red and puffy but he was smiling.

“It’s okay, you’re my piece of shit.” I teased and Katsuki laughed before tackling me down, this time it wasn’t a spar though, just us lazily rolling around on the floor of the agency. In that moment, with Katsuki over me snickering through joking growls I felt like I belonged somewhere, like maybe this is exactly where I need to be.

And it felt like euphoria.

We finished play fighting and made our way out of the locker room. I was still letting out little chuckles, meanwhile Katsuki was actually tired. I drove us as Katsuki napped in the passenger seat, and when I picked him up he didn’t argue, letting me carry him to our apartment. I opened the door and found Izuku on the couch, having showered and now reading a book, fingers fiddling with the corner of the pages. He looked over as we walked in and smiled at us, I smiled back and set Katsuki on the couch before shuffling into the kitchen.

“You eat, Izu?” I asked when I noticed there wasn’t any saved food and started to get the stuff to make Katsuki and I something to eat.

“Yeah, I ate with Ochcaco, but I’ll take some food if you’re offering.” Izuku said, I hummed in reply before focusing on food. Izuku and Katsuki talked quietly, soft apologies and explanations being whispered into the warmth of our apartment. I didn’t butt in, normally it’d make me feel alone, but right now it just felt warm. I feel proud about helping Katsuki and safe knowing Izuku is here and okay. So I took my time as I cooked and let them talk it out, even if they finished the conversation in a matter of minutes.

“You made him cook?” Katsuki asked a little more awake as I walked out holding two plates.

“I didn’t make him.” Izuku argued but I could see on his face that he felt bad about me cooking. I waved my hand to dismiss it after setting down the plates.

“It’s fine, I liked taking care of you guys.” I replied, Izuku pouted and Katsuki’s eyes zeroed in on my arms, a glare sharpening his features suddenly.

“I hurt you.” He stated, and I paused before looking down at my arms, they were a little scorched from when Katsuki had set off his explosions, I hadn’t wanted to cut him and he hit my arms a few times so I left it soft.

“Eh,” I said with a shrug as I turned back to the kitchen to get them drinks. “I don’t feel much on my arms anyways Kit-Kat.” I assured, giving him a grin as I walked back out with two cups, going back in after to get my own stuff. “Didn’t even feel a thing, still don’t!” I chuckled. “Just sore muscles, that’s what you need to apologize about.” I insisted, really trying to sell it as I returned for the third time, Katsuki frowned as Izuku moved in and gently took my slightly bruised and burned arms into his scarred palms.

“You should treat these.” He mumbled, brushing a finger over the burn, I didn’t feel it, the muscles not tensing the slightest bit.

“Really? They’re not that serious.” I said, and Izuku gave me a look that said he didn’t like that I knew that fact. I gave a sheepish smile and pecked his lips to reassure him. Last time I burned myself on purpose was in middle school, I’d never used Katsukis quirk or sparring like that. “I’m okay, both of you.” I said. Izuku sighed and nodded softly.

“Well okay, if you’re sure.” He said, and as we all started to eat, Izuku spoke up again. “But uh, I want your opinion on something.” Izuku said. I looked at him and hesitated a little at the serious look on his and Katsukis faces.

“I’m not going to be the dealbreaker in whatever the argument was.” I said, “I don’t like the idea of having to pick a side and frankly, I refuse to.”

“No you’re not- well you kind of are but not like that.” Izuku stammered and I raised a brow, getting a sheepish smile in return. “Uh, there's a mission, it’s in Russia, Kachan and I are being asked over there for our quirks- I don’t think it’s a good idea, mainly because it’s so far away and it’s a bigger villain organization. Plus, we’re the first people they asked and I- I don’t want to.” Izuku explained, looking away, Katsuki looked down at the table.

“But if you think it’s a good idea- or it’s not to dangerous, we- we’re heros so it’s what we do and I figure it can’t hurt to do it.” Izuku admitted. I paused as I looked at him, a little nervous.

“Well, I mean, I don’t think it's got much to do with me- I…” I sighed. “What kind of mission is it?” I asked.

“It’s a raid.” Katsuki said. “They’re.. Kidnapping quirkless people. I- I want to do it.” Katsuki admitted. I paused as I heard it, frowning a little. That hits… really close to home for them. I know that.

“I don’t think it’s my place to say but you guys are strong and if you think you can do it, I’m sure you’ll be fine.” I offered, Izuku paused and nodded, eyes trailing away.

“You do raids a lot, so I figured you’d know a little about it. My last one was Eri and she happened back in high school, and it was one kid not hundreds of people.” He admitted. I frowned and shrugged.

“It’s different cuss this is kinda personal for you guys, the closest thing I’ve done to that are drug busts and-” Izuku and Katsuki gave me confused looks and I waved my hand a little to dismiss the worried looks I got. “I’ve done that twice. Raids are rough, especially if they involve kids- but it’s… good to keep in mind before you sign the contract that people are guaranteed to die, the building is probably going to collapse, and it’s going to be gruesome.” I explained, watching Izuku and Katsuki's faces twist. Their quirks aren’t typically suited for raids, I’m asked to do them constantly though.

“It’s rough, but you have to accept the deaths before you go in, or it’ll fuck with you.” I finished. “If you don’t think you can handle it or you’re worried you’ll freeze up whenever you see the bodies you shouldn’t go. I know I have to wait at least three months between raids, doing them back to back fucks with me a ton.” I sighed.

I haven’t taken a big raid in almost two years now, I’ve honestly been avoiding it since I know that I’m going to be a total mess and I’d hate to ghost Izuku and Katsuki because I couldn’t take it. I need to be strong for them; to them. That means sacrifice, I know that.

“I’ll think about it.” Izuku said. “Thank you, Eiji.” He added, leaning over the table while making a kissy face at me, I smiled and met him halfway, Katsuki kicked my calf and I knew that my condolences were enough for him too.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Eijiro?” Katsukis voice rang through the phone. Izuku and Katsuki ended up signing the contract and had left almost two weeks ago for it. I’ve been lonely at home like this but that’s how it goes sometimes so I haven’t complained or reached out to anyone about it. I paused hearing Katsuki, he sounded strained as hell.

“Katsuki?” I replied, worry immediately lighting me up. I haven’t spoken to Katsuki or Izuku since they left, but their agency contacted me about them coming home today. I was worried. “You okay, do you need me to come over to get you-?”

“No!” Katsuki barked, raising his voice a little. I hesitated a little, Katsuki sighed in irritation on the other side of the phone. He got quiet for a few seconds before speaking again. “Look, my flight got delayed, Deku and I were supposed to go back at the same time but the plane fucked up, only one of us could go- I’m fine. Deku is not, so I sent him.” Katsuki explained, I could hear how pissed he was in his voice, the sounds of russian filtering in around him

“I already contacted the agency and they’re sending me a private plane to fly me back since the rest of theses flights are fucking done for now cuss I’m in the middle of fucking nowhere.” Katsuki practically growled at me. “You better fucking take care of Izuku you have fucking five hours left, the plane took off four hours ago, Deku is getting a car ride there by someone from the agency, you just need to have the house ready.” Katsuki rambled. “I’ll see you tommrow at four am, if you’re up when I get there I’m gonna fucking kill you.” Katsuki finished with a heaved sigh.

“Okay, got it Katsuki, thank you.” I said. “I’ll have everything ready.” I promised, “I’ll take care of our baby, I promise.” I added, I could hear Katsukis following grin through the phone.

“I know you will, shithead.” He replied. “Love you.” he added.

“Love you too, I’ll be awake when you get home.” I said, hanging up right as Katsuki screamed into the receiver. I kept my phone on me, simply ignoring Katsukis two calls that followed and the text of ‘you’re a dead man’ and went to work on making some food.

I started with desserts. Izuku has a sweet tooth and it gets worse when he’s sad. He'll appreciate some cookies these next few days, and he can eat them while we cuddle. I cleaned up; which I’ve already spent a lot of time doing but it doesn't hurt to do some more. I made sure I didn’t look to bad form patrol, working on getting rid of bruises and putting bandaids and bandages over cuts just because I knew Izuku would worry if he saw them.

It’s not that I don’t take care of myself, bandages just aren’t needed most of the time. But it’s nice to see someone taking care of themselves and the idea of wearing bandages or band aids just makes all the difference when it comes to that image.

I took my time making up the bed, setting up some fairy lights that I’d bought while they were gone. I was going to put them up with Izuku and Katsuki here but if Izuku needs comfort they’ll probably help. I made sure the sheets were the same as when they left and a good texture so as to not overwhelm Izuku, same thing with the pillow cases and I tossed an All Might plushy on the bed too.

An hour from Izuku arriving I started dinner and I managed to time it perfectly. The fruit cake I’d made in the fridge, cookies in a jar on the counter and some basic curry in a bowl with hot chocolate cooling on the dining table.

“Hey, love.” I said as Izuku walked in, taking off his shoes. He looked tired as all hell, but I could tell he’d showered before his flight so I mentally checked the shower off my list. I walked forward and cupped his cheeks looking over his face. Izuku’s eyes were red, a little puffy like he’s been rubbing them, cheeks having tear stains and dark bags sitting above his cheeks. His nose was red and his hair was a mess. His shoulders slumped forward and before I’d moved his head he’d been staring at the floor.

Our eyes met and tears welled up as he moved forward. I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him close and pressing a kiss to the back of his neck as he shook with sobs. Izuku cried for about ten minutes before calming enough for tears to slow. I knew we were on a time limit though and pulled Izuku over to the table.

Izuku didn’t say anything as we ate, sitting across from each other, just making sure we were touching. We finished eating pretty quickly, Izuku only eating half his bowl. I dumped what he didn’t eat and grabbed a cookie for him.

“Cookie?” I offered, Izuku hesitated where he’d taken to standing beside the table but he smiled softly and nodded in the end. Izuku took it and broke it in half, giving me the other half of it. I hummed and shuffled closer, Izuku rested his head against my chest as we both ate the cookie, speaking the first words of the night after he was done

“Thank you.” He said, I hummed and smoothed down Izukus hair. It’s roughly 6pm right now. I still had eleven hours before needing to worry about Katsuki so I led Izuku to the bedroom. I helped Izuku remove his jeans and change his shirt before laying down with him, pulling him to my chest and petting his hair as Izuku hugged me.

It took a while before the tears started, the sobs quickly turning into muffled cries and breathless words. I just held Izuku through it, petting his hair as he did his best to explain what had happened while purging his negative thoughts.

I managed to gather what had happened at the very least, Izuku was on the first floor fighting, the building came down like I said it would. They only thought there were people where Izuku and a few other pros were, they were wrong. There were people on the second floor in cages and a lot of the cages were not strong enough, and just collapsed in on themselves. It left mangled bodies all over the place, crushed in the metal, people were crying and screaming.

I felt lost so I did what I normally do, what I would’ve wanted someone to do for me, and I spewed reassurances. I assured Izuku it was okay, told him he did his best, that he didn’t need to stress about it. I kept saying it even when he didn’t seem to be listening and it worked, he calmed and I pet his hair.

I’ve had a similar experience myself, the third raid I did as a pro was a child testing organization. They were injecting the kids and messing with their quirks, the kids were given free roam of certain places in the building when not being tested though. So when the building came down I could only save so many, one kid even got scared of my unbreakable and ran away

The ceiling collapsed in the area he’d run to and he was impaled, right through the stomach. I got a mask added to my costume when I returned to work, and I wear it whenever I go unbreakable. It's just red, slightly darker than my hair but lighter than blood, so it’s not scary but blood will blend when it needs to. It saved me from seeing that again.

“How do you do it?” Izuku asked, looking up at me. “How do you handle it?” Izuku sniffled. I paused, thinking for a second.

“You just..” I sighed. “Like I told you before you left, you have to know it’s not your fault. You have to remind yourself of it, and it’s going to hurt and you’re gonna think of their faces and the families they might’ve had but you can’t- you have to know it wasn’t your fault.” I explained, cupping Izuku's cheek. “It wasn’t your fault and you did everything you could.” I assured, even more tears spilled from Izuku's eyes but he didn’t look away. “And Katsuki and I will remind you anytime you need it, I promise just ask honey, cuss we know you did your best-” Izuku sobbed, soft and defeated as he leaned in again and nuzzled into my chest. “And we’ll make sure you know it too.” I finished, petting his hair.

Izuku cried softly now, not getting rid of something but expressing something. I held him and whispered soft assurances to him as he cried. It took a little before he calmed again, and in a sleepy voice he mumbled ‘thank you’

I smiled and hummed. “Anything for you, greenbean.” I assured as Izuku hummed against my shirt. I glanced at the clock. 9 hours before Katsuki got home, I pulled out my phone and set a timer for two hours before the blonde arrived. I was setting my phone back down when Izuku spoke.

“Who told you that you did good?” Izuku asked as I rolled back over, big green eyes looking up at me with a mix of worry and slight horror. I smiled, pressing a kiss to Izuku's forehead.

“Mina, Sero, Denki, Fat.” I listed, because the more people I seem like I told the better. And I did tell them, I laid in bed and destroyed myself over it every time for about a week each time but in the end I did tell them. Izuku paused like he didn’t believe me and I kissed salty lips gently. “I promise, honey. And now I have you and Katsuki to talk to.” I said, Izuku paused and then smiled lightly and nodded, turning in and pressing his face into the crook of my neck. I closed my eyes and let myself drift off.

_ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _

I woke up two hours before Katsuki arrived, coaxing Izuku back to sleep before standing up. I unpacked Izuku's stuff, keeping as quiet as I could. Izuku slept like the dead while hugging his All Might plushy, I did dishes, and when an hour hit I started on Katsukis dinner, heating up the curry and adding spice. Making new rice and making Katsuki some tea.

“Welcome home.” I said, Katsukis food was sitting on the table, cooling. He’d texted me he was on the way to kick my ass, so I left it on the stove a little longer before taking it off and plating it. It’s currently 4:30am, some people are just starting their day as I ended it.

Katsuki looked tired, jet lagged to hell and worried. But he smirked seeing me, eyes glancing at my still wet shirt. He snorted and his bag was left by the door, shoes kicked off before he hugged me, I hugged back, wrapping my arms around him tightly.

“Did it go good?” He asked, I nodded against his hair.

“Yeah, he’s asleep right now but I got him to smile.” I assured. Katsuki hummed. “No one could’ve done better than you though.” I added, trying to make Katsuki feel better about not being here. It had the opposite effect though as he pulled away, face twisted and body tense all of a sudden.

“Like hell don’t talk shit about yourself Ei.” Katsuki practically spat, shoulder checking me as he walked past. I rolled my eyes at his moodiness, having adapted to it well. I put his shoes back where they belong before grabbing his stuff. Katsuki sat at the table, still looking pissy. I moved past him without bothering him about it and started to put away his stuff. I did it quickly and then made my way back to Katsuki. He was sitting at the table, staring into space.

“I think someone needs some sleep.” I said, patting Katsukis shoulder. His food was gone and his tea was drunk. He startled a little at the pat. Katsuki had bags under his eyes and looked exhausted. I leaned down and pressed a kiss to Katsukis forehead. He at least seemed to have showered like Izuku. Katsuki sighed and when I pulled him up he went, pressing his face to my shoulder.

“Thank you.” He said, voice soft. I hummed. “You did great, EI.” Katsuki said, voice soft. “Fucking… thanks.” He sighed. I hummed and pressed a kiss to Katsukis hair.

“Anything for you two.’ I assured before leading him down the hall. I helped Katsuki strip and change, he paused and hugged me again. His arms wrapped around my waist this time. He squeezed and I knew what he was checking for, silently proud of myself for eating a normal amount.

Katsuki really doesn't like me slacking on meals, so I made sure to keep up with my normal amount. And Katsuki slumped into me, seemingly assured that I took care of myself before pulling away and dragging me to bed.

I fell asleep with Izuku in my arms, sandwiched between Katsuki and I and I felt like I belonged.

I wish I could keep the feeling close

Chapter Text

The patrol was supposed to be normal

Which, you always hope that but of course it never actually turns out that way. And of course today there was a huge explosion downtown and of course I rushed to help but when I arrived Katsuki and Deku had it- mostly handled it looked like. Four villains, one with a water/ice quirk, one with an air cannon type quirk, one who could make knives out of his hands and one who could move super fast.

Katsuki was fighting the air cannon and the speed user, Izuku was fighting the knife user and the water/ice user. I was quick to join Katsuki who was mostly on the ground and struggling to keep up with the speed. Izuku was in the air, water using their quirk to move themselves and their partner around on platforms. I helped Katsuki as much as I could, blocking any blows from the air guy as we tried to keep them from damaging too many buildings.

The fight wore on, I haven’t been training as hard as I should be, maybe it’s an off day but my quirk was wearing. The fight continued and theses people’s quirks kept getting better somehow and I knew we were in trouble but of course no backup will come because this is top one, two and five and we have to have it handled-

The speed user grabbed me, I felt my ribs crack as they pulled me harshly and then there were water spikes and I couldn’t harden in time, I haven’t fucked up like this since high school but I couldn’t do it and I was going to be impailed-

“Fucking loser!” I looked over, just in time to catch Katsukis manic grin as he used his explosions to keep up and then he was slamming into us and I screamed as Katsuki was impaled on the spikes in my place.

Then Izuku was there and he was angry and crying at the same time and so terrifyingly beautiful and black whip shot out with more power than I’ve seen since the war and everything went to chaos, all I could do was struggle to keep up like always

- - - - - -

“I’ll fucking kill them.” Izuku growled, hands in tight fists against his pants. I looked at Katsukis form, pale as the sheets and looking like hell. They’d used a healing quirk on him, he’s been asleep for a little over three hours. Izuku’s been upset the whole time, he was upset for two hours before that too when they were performing surgery.

I wanted to be mad, but all I could feel is guilt

“I know.” I sighed, voice soft as I spoke. “Being angry isn’t going to help anything though.” I said, rubbing my face.

“Whatever…” Izuku mumbled, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. I’m not used to seeing Izuku angry, crying, sure, distressed, all the time. But angry? That’s not an emotion that is really… his. Izuku doesn’t really get angry like that, he’s always very relaxed and easy going and this is… weird. “I wish I could kill those guys.” Izuku huffed.

“You shouldn't think about it.” I replied, because this is getting kind of annoying. How many times can he repeat the same thing? I get he’s angry, but I really don’t want to hear him complain anymore.

“Do you even care?” Izuku snapped, voice raising. My quirk rippled up my side, because it can still work, just not when I need it and not without a shitton of pain. I guess the pain didn’t show on my face because Izuku didn’t stop. “You didn’t even try to move when you were going to get impaled! And now you’re being all casual about this!” Izuku yelled, standing and starting to pace, his quirk flashed around him, black whip slipping out of him.

He's been like this for hours, all he did in the waiting room was pace. He didn’t ask if I was okay or talk to me and didn’t give me updates and I’m not down on their profiles as someone who gets private information so I had to beg the nurse to tell me Katsukis condition. And I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to handle it, I definitely can’t handle this while I’m in this state. I’d never tell Izuku that but fuck does it hurt. It’s not his job to check on me or handle my emotions but it feels like it's my job to handle his. "This is all technically your fualt!" Izuku said, throwing his hands out.

“I- I tried-” I started, but my throat closed up abruptly and I almost choked on my words, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt-.

“No you didn’t because-” Izuku whirled around, black whip shooting out in angry tendrils around him, going for me and I closed my eyes, willing my quirk not to react so I could take whatever punishment he gives me because I deserve it because I’m not strong enough, I can’t take the weight of the relationship I wanted, I can’t protect Katsuki or Izuku and I can’t be mad or stand to fight or submit right and it’s so much-

“Stop!” The voice was horse and it had both Izuku and I freezing for a few seconds before Izuku burst into tears, I narrowly avoided doing the same..

“Kachan!” He screamed, rushing to the bed. I scooted my chair back just in time to avoid getting knocked over as Izuku passed. “You scared me so bad don’t do that again-” Izuku rambled, and I stood, anxiety and panic still creeping through me in little shocks as I walked to the door, slipping out to the sound of Katsuki yelling at Izuku to calm down.

I took a deep breath once the door was closed, the smell of antiseptic that wafted around the hospital was sickening but grounding right now as I leaned against the wall next to the door and slowly sunk down until I was settled on the floor. I forced myself to breath, in and out, one hand rubbing my chest as I tried to calm down and stay that way.

It almost worked, but I kept getting worked up again, thoughts of being a failure and disappointing them plaguing my thoughts as I sat on the floor in front of Katsukis room. I felt horrible and it kept my breathing shaky and head spinning until I snapped out of it and managed to focus again and calm. It didn’t help that my ribs were broken- cracked? I’m not sure but breathing hurts.

A nurse entered the room at some point, she asked if I was okay and I moved over as I said yes. She checked again on her way out and suggested I get checked for injuries. I really don’t think I could’ve cared less.

I was outside for roughly 30 minutes before I felt okay to go inside again. I stood and prepared myself, the lights hit my face harshly and bile still sat in my throat. I was shaking, my hands not able to stay steady in the slightest. I couldn’t go back there like this.

I hesitated before sighing and figuring I should go get something for us to drink. I walked down to the cafeteria and got us drinks, three bottles of water, one strawberry banana smoothie and one orange juice smoothie. I ignored the worried looks of workers and others as I got the stuff I wanted and left, quirk activating to help keep me up whenever my knees wanted to buckle.

I walked back to the room and pushed open the door, it felt like a dream, running on autopilot. The main thing keeping me focused were my ribs, aching and sore. I’m sure there's a nasty bruise on my chest by now from the break. I tried not to register the fear as I opened the door.

Izuku and Katsuki were still there, Izuku had moved back to his chair, Katsuki looked tired and Izuku was still wiping his face with little sniffles.

“I got drinks.” I said as I walked in, holding out the banana strawberry smoothie to Izuku, giving Katsuki and orange juice smoothie and setting the water bottles on the bedside table. I hesitated a moment before sitting down in the chair I had been in, scooting it back forward.

“Thank you.” Katsuki grumbled, the bed had been sat up a little. Katsuki able to sip from the straw with the new angle. “Are you okay?” He asked, eyebrows furrowed, concern written all over his face.

“Yeah, I’m good.” I said, nodding softly. Katsuki glared and I sighed, glancing away. “I am, tension is high, we’re all stressed, it wasn’t personal.” I said, Katsuki relaxed a little and nodded, I took pride in how he believed me and ignored how my stomach rolled with the want to have him not believe me.

“I’m still sorry.” Izuku said from next to me, voice watery and when I met his eyes they were bloodshot and puffy, big tears rolling down his cheeks. “I didn’t mean to- this-” Izuku huffed. “This wasn’t your fault. I’m glad he saved you.” Izuku said finally, shoulders hunching. “I was- am upset that I couldn’t do more to save you.” He sighed softly. “But it’s not your fault.” Izuku finished, looking at me.

And I wanted to believe him. I wanted to look him in the eyes and say that I knew, tell him confidently that it’s okay. But it’s not and I feel sick with guilt and hurt but I can’t say that. I don’t want them throwing me out right now, before I can fix this a little bit, before I can help more. I can’t show weakness, I can’t get thrown out. I refuse to. I knew Izuku preferred Katsuki before this started, just as I know Katsuki prefers Izuku. I’m an outsider, I get it. Regardless of how much it hurts.

“I know, it’s okay.” I said, giving a grin and taking Izuku's free hand. “We’ll get through this okay? What’s happened is done, all we can do is move on.” I said and watched as Izuku's face lit up in a big grin and Katsuki chuckled weakly from the bed.

I still felt wrong, like the whole world had shifted two inches back, I felt like I was just getting with them again- I felt worse actually. At least then we were all friends and we could talk to each other. I didn’t have to hide everything and I wasn’t accused of trying to kill one of the most improant people in my life. At lesat I didn’t have this hurt heavy on my chest. At least my fears of being bad for them weren’t confirmed. I had a chance, I had a hope to be okay with them. But really, that isn’t their problem.

So I smiled, and nodded and we talked and I acted like I didn’t want to cry.

Chapter Text

I’ve been avoiding Izuku and Katsuki

Katsuki’s recovery was said to take about three weeks. Izuku and I set up an every other day schedule for those three weeks when it comes to work. Both of us are off work on Friday and Tuesday- it was a good system. I never did get my ribs looked at but I’ve broken them enough to know the treatment. Advil and wraps are enough for me- I definitely can’t take off work.

And then after about four days in Izuku didn’t seem to want to go in, so I said I’d do it for him. And then I went in the day after that when he didn’t want to go in and I took his next shift too…

And it's not like we can’t take off of work, we can. We don’t need the money and our agencies can run by themselves but for the public having three heroes in the top five out of work like that would be a little jarring so as a rule of thumb we avoid it.

And yeah, part of it is because I want Izuku home. Because he gives me a kiss on the cheek and a wide smile, or he did the first three times. But I know a part of it is also because it’s better than being in that house, having to lay in bed with them or sit on the couch and feel out of place.

It’s like all my insecurities over the years have come crashing back down in one big pile. Everything I’ve ignored and said it’s fine to is suddenly back, and it feels like I’m being crushed by it all. Drowning in a sea of guilt all the time. Izuku and Katsuki have noticed, especially over the past four days. I can see it in their faces, they’re waiting for something and sometimes I really wish I didn’t get with the two smartest people I know.

It doesn't help that they're both good at reading me by now. As long as they’re not handling their own stuff they can see right through my mask. I know that, we all do and well, it’s created a stand still where we’re all waiting for a break.

It happened two weeks after Katsukis injury.

I went to work on the day Izuku was supposed to go in and there was a huge raid a city away, they didn’t need me until things went to shit and I had to go join them. Tetsu and I were all over the news, both of us holding up the building. Like I’d told Katsuki and Izuku, the building always falls. It’s not something that's avoidable. I had my mask down, and people had quickly caught on and started to surround me, I kept forcing my quirk to go go go getting bigger, sliding my hands slowly to hold more of the concrete up.

I knew it wouldn’t be enough. I could feel my quirk trying to give out on me already. I haven’t been eating enough, I didn’t even notice it but I’ve felt too sick to eat. I wasn’t going to last long.

“We need to evacuate!” I said into my intercom. “Red Riots not gonna last long.” I said, this got a flurry of words as people started to frantically make a route out, not that they hadn’t before but they’d been more focused on fighting. I could hear people coming and I could feel myself shaking. Tetsu was yelling something at me, and the building felt heavy, heavier than it should with my joints locked as they are. I choked back tears as I looked at the scared people we were saving, most of them skinny and frail after so long of being trapped here.

And I was going to fail them, I could feel it. Like I’ve failed Katsuki and Izuku, my mothers and everyone who’s had hopes for me. There’s always something, a downfall and shortcoming thats’ fucked me over and people say it’s not that, they say it’s okay but it doens’t feel okay and it’s not.

And then the civilians were being led out, all of them being ushered through a path and I felt relief and just that small bit of relaxation had my quirk faltering and I thought it was okay because I knew I’d be fine and they said they’d cleared the area. But then I heard a yell in the tiniest voice and I turned just in time to see a little boy reaching out for help

I wasn’t fast enough

—---

The rest of the day was a blur. I don’t know where I went but it wasn’t where I should’ve been. I felt like I was watching it all happen, and it was sickening. I didn’t quite return to myself until well after breaking myself out of the rubble, talking to the news while getting checked for injuries When the questions were done I skipped showering at the agency, instead getting right into my car to drive home.

I walked up to the door but when I opened it, I was met with the smiling faces of my boyfriends. They were both right there in front of the door and the second I opened it Izuku pulled me into a hug.

“Guys?” I mumbled, I could feel tears well into my eyes. I didn’t want to cry, not at all. But I could feel that I was going too, as I wrapped my arms around Izuku. The action was foreign and made my stomach churn.

“I’m gonna shower with you.” Izuku said softly, pulling away and reaching up, cupping my cheeks. “And then we’re gonna have a bath ready for you in our bathroom, and you’re gonna relax in the bath.” Izuku said. “Okay?” He asked. His eyes were worried, hands holding my cheeks like I was made of gold, like if he held me tight enough it could take away the pain.

I nodded, a little numbly as the affection from Izuku seemed to soak thorough me. I had been used to this but I’ve been avoiding it lately and I hadn’t realized how much I missed it. Izuku led me through the house, Katsuki stopping us for only a moment to kiss my cheek before letting us continue on.

Izuku and I got into what is normally the guest bathroom- the whole apartment being able to access it, only having a shower with no tub, and Izuku wasted no time pulling the gears off my shoulders. He grabbed them and pulled, they slid off and we let them thump to the ground with ease my shirt following them. After that he undid my pants, letting them slide to the ground. I felt a little embarrassed but Izuku didn’t seem to notice as he reached up and removed my mask from my head, kneeling and removing my socks next. His eyes lingered on my ribs, bruised to hell and back. I’ve been wearing a shirt for my hero costume to avoid people seeing and I haven’t showered with Katsuki and Izuku in weeks. We haven’t had sex and I’ve avoided changing in front of them. So they didn’t know. Izuku didn’t say anything on it though, nor did he mention how well he could see my ribs to begin with.

I tried to move and do the same for him. Reaching for Izuku's shirt but he grabbed my wrists, thumbs shifting to rub my palms gently. It felt nice and overwhelming at the same time. After days like today, my quirk always makes me sensitive and sore.

“Don’t do that because you feel like you need to, do it because you want to. I’m doing this for you because I want to, not because I want something back.” Izuku said. I paused and nodded, Izuku let go of my hands and I resumed helping him undress. Bending made me ache but I didn’t let it stop me. The two of us moved into the shower after. Izuku grabbed my lofa, starting to scrub me off without much preamble.

And I tried not to think about it but it felt wrong on such a fundamental level. I felt like I didn’t belong here, with such gentle care. I felt like I needed to scream apologies or scream at Izuku to get away. I don’t belong and I know it, I’m not good enough and I’m not close enough to either of them to really be able to be anyone.

I couldn’t say that though, I couldn’t say any of it to Izuku because he’d feel bad and he’d panic and it would upset him and that’s the last thing I wanted. I’ve worked too hard the last couple weeks. Izuku and Katsuki have worked too hard to be happy and positive for me to come in and break it. I caused the need for it in the first place, I should be suffering.

We washed off quickly, Izuku helping to scrub me down and let me do him after. We washed my hair, Izuku's hair and then got out of the shower. Izuku wrapped me up in one of our beach towels since it’s the only thing that covers me effectively and then led me to the bathroom we had in our room.

And I still felt horrible, even worse as I sunk down into the bath water that Katsuki had prepared. And my muscles relaxed as the water burned through them and I felt my jaw unclench and sinuses clear as the steam and smell of lavender sunk into me fully. I felt like trash in a pretty garden, felt like I’d just joined a prestigious club and didn’t belong. I felt like I had during our first few weeks at UA- maybe even all of UA and the war.

And Katsuki sat on the floor next to the bath, his hand holding mine because he knows how much comfort it brings me. I closed my eyes and forced myself to breathe and not cry, and not look at Katsuki and his furrowed brow and slightly pouted lip. I refused to expose myself to the worried glint in his eye, the slight set in his jaw and the twitches in his shoulders.

“Com’on big guy.” Katsuki said, I wasn’t sure how long I was in the bath but my fingertips had pruned, and the water was lukewarm. Katsuki pulled the drain on the bath and for the first time since I’d walked in here I spoke.

“Thank you.” I said, Katsuki paused as he looked at me, frowning in that questioning way that said ‘why?’. “It- the bath is really nice.” I said, Katsuki scoffed.

“You’re incredibly low maintenance compared to me and Deku.” He said, standing up and offering me a hand. “I mean, I need the shit beat out of me and Deku needs to be coddled for hours.” Katuski scoffed. “A fancy bath? S’nothing Eijiro. It’s nothing.” Katsuki said, glaring when I tried to get up on my own and snatching my wrist, forcing me to rely in part on the blonde.

“I don’t think you guys are high maintenance.” I said, Katsuki rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, because you’re a dumbass.” He replied, I rolled my eyes back but couldn’t help the slight upturn of my lips as I stepped out of the bathtub. It felt a little better, for a few seconds I could almost smile. I felt carefree as Katsuki grabbed the big, fluffy towel Denki had custom made for me a few years ago for my birthday. Katsuki dried me off and I felt my face grow hot as he did it.

He dried me off almost playfully, ruffling the towel over my damp skin quickly like he was drying off a big, fluffy wet dog and it almost had me wanting to laugh as I looked at Katsuki and he had a playful glint in his eyes and-

And I’m not allowed to feel like this. I’m not allowed to be excited about being treated like this, tenderly, playfully, I shouldn’t be treated that way. I need to make up for it, fix it fix it fix it-

“Eijiro?” My eyes snapped to Katsuki's as he spoke. He was looking at me worriedly, eyebrows drawn together and as I inhaled I realized I’d started to panic a little, breathing having become uneven and shaky while I wasn’t paying attention. It made my chest burn. Katsuki’s hands were cupping my cheeks, lips parted, ready to ask a question and for a moment, I was back at UA. Katsuki was speaking to me tenderly as we sat on his bed in his weirdly clean dorm room.

And I was looking at the boy who’d been so mean at the start of the semester. The one who had to be chained down, was accused of being a villain, is so angry and explosive because he’s hurt and it made my chest ache beyond my own insecurities. Katsuki was looking at me worried. His face contorted in a way that showed concern but it was obvious he wasn’t used to the expression and he asked so gently if I wanted to talk about it and I bawled. I let Katsuki hug me as I emptied every insecurity and problem onto the blonde and when I was done he told me I needed to stop being a dumbass and it helped more than anything anyone has ever said to me about it.

I blinked, focusing back on Katsukis face, current Katsuki, who’s eyes shined, face beautiful even in the too bright light of the bathroom. Katsuki, who’s come so far since we first met in UA, who’s so good at being vulnerable and reading people. I’m so proud of him and so disgusted by me. My eyes glanced down, finding the still angry red scare from the fight. It was still healing and I felt horrible. I ruined it, I ruined him just like I always knew I’d do-

“Eijiro?” Katsuki repeated, worried more now and I blinked and nodded, I needed to pull myself together. They’re happy, they’re happy, they’re happy, they’re happy, they’re happy

They were happy without me

“Eijiro-? Deku!” Katsuki called, and I was starting to shake, like back in the hospital when I had to leave the room, I needed to leave. I can’t let Katsuki see me like this. He's hurt, doesn't need the stress, doesn't need to know. I moved to take a step but Katsuki was still holding onto me. “Hang on, big guy, it’ll be okay.” Katsuki spoke, panic lying in his voice and I felt sick, so sick at myself for doing this to him. Sick at myself for being here and existing and failing.

“What’s wrong?” Izuku walked in, and I felt a hand go to my back. “Okay, sit him down-” Izuku said, worried and a little rushed like he was handling a civilian because that’s what I should be. I’m number five, I didn’t earn that or this love and affection and I’m sick, I’m a sick, sick person-

I heaved, desperately moving my hands, Katsukis eyes widened and Izuku picked me up without any issue, pushing me to the toilet as I heaved again, stomach churning and trying to throw up something that wasn’t there because I’ve been skipping all meals but dinner. I’m up before katsuki and Izuku most days and I eat lunch alone since they’re not going to work and-

“Breathe!” I gasped as I inhaled, it made my chest scream. Izuku rubbed my back and I heard him let out a relieved sigh. “In and out Eiji, there you go.” He said, I tried but I gagged again and I can’t even do something as simple as breathe right-

“You’re okay, let it out.” Katsuki said, Izuku was still rubbing my back as I gagged a final time and threw up stomach acid, not even water coming up as I hunched over the toilet. Izuku kept a hand on my back as Katsuki held my hair.

“Did you see him eat?” Katsuki asked

“No, I… haven’t seen him eat breakfast in a couple days.” Izuku said, voice disappointed and it hurt and I knew they wouldn't stay with me- someone who can’t even take proper care of themselves. My fingers dug into my arms and I felt my quirk light up, digging into my skin as I heaved again.

“Should we take him to the hospital?” Katsuki asked as I gagged again.

“No, that’ll stress him more.” Izuku replied, worried and voice wet like he was crying.

“You’ll be okay, Eijiro.” Katsuki said but I knew he didn’t believe it. I gagged again and more stomach acid came up, Katsuki huffed a little. “Focus on me, Eiji.” He insisted and I felt a cold had settle on the back of my heated neck. My quirk went harder, cutting deeper into my skin and I heard Izuku suck in a breath

“I- fuck.” Katsuki stammered. “Y'know I tried to watch one of those beginner crochet videos yesterday?” Katsuki asked, voice a little louder than it needed to be, a little panicked and embarrassed as I tried to keep calm, fighting the urge to keep gagging. “I didn’t understand a damn thing.” Katsuki admitted. “Deku laughed the whole time- like an asshole.” Katsuki rambled. “You were right, I’m shit at yarn stuff.” Katsuki said, and as I focused on Katsuki I found I was thinking easier, and I felt less sick as Izuku gently pulled me away from the toilet. I sobbed as my ribs lit up in protest.

“Apparently I missed the whole crochet into the next stitch or whatever. Deku got it immediately though.” Katsuki continued, letting go of my hair and closing the toilet before flushing it. Izuku grabbed toilet paper and wiped my mouth. It was so gentle, so sweet. My chest and stomah ached from trying to throw up nothing yet here they were, taking care of me. Guilt bubbled into my stomach and I almost got sick again before Katsuki kept talking. “And- and I fuckn saw a red dog today.” Katsuki continued, Izuku handing him a hair tie. “Made me think of you, I almost bought it off the person.”

“Had to fight him away from them.” Izuku chuckled lightly, though it was strained.

Izuku started a random stream of thought, I kept almost getting worked up before Izuku talked me down from it, making me focus on him again. My arms were cleaned up and Katsuki fed me two crackers before I gagged again.

I felt dead on my feet by the time we laid in bed, I wasn’t sure I had thoughts as Izuku and Katsuki curled around me, uncaring that I was bigger than both of them yet somehow squished in the middle. The room was dark, like a lot of time had passed because it was still 3 when I got home.

Izuku rubbed my stomach as he talked and Katsukis hand on my cheek felt safe despite what destruction it could cause. I felt sleep pull but only let it take me when Katsuki leaned close and kissed my lips before whispering. “Go to sleep, Eijiro.”

I sink like a rock, and sleep like one too.

—-------

I woke up to hands in my hair. I didn’t move at first, enjoying the affection but my body felt sore and the position was annoying so after a couple minutes I shifted to lay on my back; it made my chest hurt.

“Oh! Morning, Eiji.” Izuku said, moving his arms away so I could shift. Izuku put a hand on my cheek and turned me to look at him. “You okay?” He asked and I nodded softly, thinking about why he’d ask that-

Oh, shit

“I’m sorry.” I said, sitting up, Izuku followed, hands raised in a soft placating gesture.

“It’s okay.” Izuku said quickly, and I knew he was just trying to keep me calm but it felt like shit. He thought I’d have another meltdown any second. “I- I-” Izuku sighed. “It’s alright, Eiji, we can’t- we need to talk about it because this is- it's worse than we thought but-”

“It?” I asked, chest aching with the idea. “Am I a problem?” I asked, hands gripping the sheets. I knew I was a problem but hearing it be said hurt way more than I thought it would.

“No, Eijiro!” Izuku exclaimed. “Not- not like that.” Izuku said, deflating a little. I shook my head a little and was about to stand when the door opened, Katsuki walking in and pausing when he saw us.

“Cool.” Katsuki said simply, he walked in, leaving the door open and then sitting on the bed. It was quiet, I could feel my thoughts swirling and was glad my stomach was empty or I’d definitely be throwing up again. I looked out the window, the sun was up which means I missed work and they also let me sleep in a decent bit.

“Okay, let's try that conversation again.” Katsuki said, I looked over to find Izuku already looking at Katsuki. “So, Izuku and I noticed you’ve been avoiding us.” Katsuki started and I tensed a little. I thought I was hiding it- at least a little bit. “And we’ve tried to get you to stay home, it hasn’t worked. We were thinking of ways to help you and then last night happened.” Katsuki explained and I nodded hesitantly. “So, what was wrong last night? Was it anything besides the raid?” Katsuki asked.

I thought for a second, I could lie. I could tell them it was all the raid but I’m bad at lying and they wouldn't believe me anyway. I shrugged a little and when they both kept waiting I sighed and started to explain.

“No, I-I- it was a lot of things.”I said, silence. Katsuki gestured for me to continue. “I…” I frowned, tears welling. “I dunno, I felt bad you were taking care of me.”

“You take care of us all the time.” Izuku pointed out and I frowned a little, shrugging and looking away. “Eijiro, we love you-”

“Do you?” I snapped, and I felt guilt slap me in the face at the look both of them gave me, I looked away, squeezing the covers. “I-I know you care about me.” I choked out. “I think you love me I just- it’s-” I sighed. “You guys are way too good for me.” I said. “I spent years wishing to have you and never getting it and- and I’ve spent literally two years now trying to feel like I fit- like- like I belong.” I rambled, tears welling in my eyes. “I’ve tried so hard!” I exclaimed.

“But it’s not enough. I don’t feel like enough, or like I’ll ever be enough for you guys to like me-” I sobbed a little. “It hurts, it hurts really fucking bad. I want to ask for support but I can’t because I don’t deserve it or you guys are busy or- or any other thing I can come up with that’ll let me cry and handle it on my own.” I rambled, wiping my face, hands tangling in my hair. “It doesn’t help that- that Izuku almost attacked me and I- I know it wasn’t personal but it felt personal when you looked me in the eyes and told me it was my fault Katsuki almost died!”

I felt Katsuki put a hand on my back, soft shushing noises leaving him as he tried to pull me to sit more on the bed. I curled in on myself a little, sobbing harder both from the pain in my ribs and the emotions.

“I know, I know.” He whispered and I finally moved with Katsuki on a strong tug, letting him pull me back onto the bed. Katsuki gently helped unwind my fingers from my hair and squeezed them in his hands instead.

Katsuki comforted me until I calmed, I was distantly aware of Izuku leaving and coming back with tea. I wiped my eyes and looked up once the tears finally slowed to find Izuku and Katsuki looking at me.

“I-I’m sorry.” I stammered. “I- I love you guys I just- I can’t…. It just hurts.” I said and Katsuki nodded, a little uncomfortable I could tell, but he sealed his face and cupped my cheeks, pulling me down and kissing my lips quickly.

“I’m sorry we didn’t make it clear enough, Eijiro.” Katsuki said, squeezing my face gently. “We want to take care of you. We never offer because we feel obligated. I’ve been kind of pissed you haven’t let us- at least let me make you a drink or food and- and that you won’t eat it when I do make it.” Katsuki stammered.

“I’m sorry I did any of that.” Izuku said, also moving forward, finally. I could see he’d been crying and I could hear it in his voice. “I didn’t mean it, I know it doesn't erase it but it wasn’t your fault.” Izuku insisted and I felt a couple more tears well and spill over. “I panicked and I didn't check on you and I was mad and none of that is an excuse it shouldn't have been turned on you.” Izuku rambled, and when he tried to pull me into a hug I didn't resist like I’ve been trying to the last week or two, I fell into Izuku and heard him sigh as his muscles relaxed

And it was nice, and I thought over the words again and again, repeating them to try and help myself process them. And I found it worked a tiny bit.

“I’ll tell you as many times as you need.” Izuku whispered, pressing his face to my hair. “I love you so much and I want to be with you, Eijiro.” Izuku assured me. “You’re amazing and I don’t like Kachan more or you more and I’m so sorry I made it feel like that.” Izuku said. “But you’re enough and you’re amazing and I love you, I do.” Izuku let out a little sob and I realized he was crying again- but so was I, and I wasn’t sure I could comfort Izuku right now so I didn’t try. I just hugged back and tucked my face to Izuku's shoulder trying to hold us together and enjoying this comfort that I’ve denied myself for so long.

It was quite as Izuku and I calmed, Katsuki eventually hugging the both of us only to grumble about us crying and move away. Izuku laid us down and held my head to his shoulder, fingers massaging my head.

“Not to break this up.” Katsuki said. “But we’re not done talking.” He teased, rubbing my back. I groaned as Izuku hummed.

“About what else?” I asked, whining softly.

“You throwing up.” Katsuki said and I tensed, nuzzling into Izuku's shoulder for a second before sighing.

“I tend to throw up when I’m too upset, I kinda trained myself to make it happen in middle school.” I explained. “I’ve been doing it more recently cuss I’ve been upset and anxious about my weight. I collect-”

“Fat on your stomach we know.” Katsuki cut me off. “And I know that you don’t want that cuss your image or whatever but you can’t starve yourself! Your quirk gave out early yesterday, probably because you didn’t eat anything.” Katsuki said and I felt a flash of guilt at the reminder. “I know it’s shit but you need to prioritize things, Eijiro. And if you have extra fat- no one cares.” Katsuki sighed, voice going softer. “We love you and we’ll love you no matter what. And the public doesn't care, Fatgum is a great hero and he’s all about fat. You can have some fat on your stomach.” Katsuki finished, rubbing my back.

“Yeah.” I mumbled, I knew he was right but I really didn’t want to start eating, the idea felt disgusting. “It’s hard.” I muttered and Izuku hummed.

“We know and it’s going to be hard but you need to try, Eiji.” Izuku coaxed. “Look, Kachan and I took off work for the next two weeks, we want you to take off for that time too.” Izuku said and I frowned but nodded a little, because the break did sound nice. “We can start a system, you can start trying to come to us when you’re sad, we’ll check in with you more and reassure you more.” Izuku offered.

“And we’re gonna start doing two things for you a day at least. Like getting you a drink or giving you a bath or something.” Katsuki said. “So it’s even and you’re not putting in all the work.” Katsuki added.

“That doesn't feel fair.” I said

“Because we haven’t made sure you know what fair is.” Izuku said. “We’re gonna work through this and this is the best way to start. And we’re gonna keep talking about stuff like this. Kachan and I- we’re different and we didn’t need to. But we love you and if you need to we want to because it’s important for you to be happy.” Izuku said, kissing my forehead.

Tears spilled once again at the admission and I started to sob, Katsuki rubbed my back and for the first time in forever I felt like I belonged with them again.

Chapter Text

(Izuku's POV)

Eijiro totally crashed. Katuski and I knew it was coming. He pushed himself way to hard on way to little and after he cried for so long he fell right asleep. I helped lay him back down and looked at Katsuki. He frowned a little worriedly as he pet Eijiro's hair back. We both felt horrible about this whole thing. We asked Eijiro to date us and we failed to make him happy…

But I know we need to not stew on it. Thinking about it and feeling guilty won’t help any of us. We need to fix it. That should be our priority

Though I couldn’t help but let myself look at Eijiro's ribs. They were definitely showing. He’s way too skinny but even more worryingly there's a dark black, blue and purple bruise covering most of the left side of his chest. I hesitated before reaching out, brushing my hand over it. Eijiro jumped and whimpered and Katsuki tensed as I pulled my hand away

“Why would you do that?” Katsuki hissed.

“It's broken!” I replied

“Exactly! So don’t touch it!” Katsuki said, glaring. I rolled my eyes and stood.

“I’m getting an ice pack.” I said, Katsuki grumbled softly and I saw him lay down and curl up next to Eijiro as I left. I couldn’t help but smile. Katsuki and Eijiro are always so cute together. Katsuki just goes… soft for him. It's something I’ve never seen him do for anyone but me and it’s so cute to watch it happen. Not to mention seeing Eijiro blush at Katsuki's actions any time he does it.

I got the ice pack and went back, gently placing it on Eijiro’s ribs after. He shivered but when Katsuki covered him with the blanket he relaxed a little. He shifted, let out a soft pained sound before relaxing again. I knew there was something wrong. I’ve been hearing him grunt and whimper while we sleep for almost three weeks now and he keeps avoiding cuddling….

“We need to ask about that too.” Katsuki said. “I don’t know when it happened.” He admitted and I nodded.

“I don’t know either. We also need to remind him he can puncture a lung.” I frowned softly. I can still remember Stain. He just dropped dead, right in front of all of us. The idea of that happening to EIjiro…. I shook my head. “We need him to eat at some point.” I added.

“Yeah but… he should sleep for now.” Katsuki said. I nodded softly and laid down with Katsuki in bed, I curled around him as Katsuki curled around Eijiro. This was going to be a long couple of weeks

—----

When Eijiro woke up a couple hours later, Katsuki and I had migrated away. I had moved into the kitchen to make us tea, and Katsuki was on the couch, still trying to conquer the crochet penguin. I turned as Eijiro walked into the kitchen. He was obviously still sleepy and I could tell he was already a little anxious as he hesitantly walked over to me and hugged my waist. He had the ice pack with him and he tossed it onto the counter before he got to me. I let Eijiro hug me and reached up, petting his hair as Eijiro let out a soft hum.

I felt wetness on my neck before long and I couldn't help but smile softly. “Eiji.” I mumbled as I tried to turn. Eijiro grumbled and tried to fight it but I managed to turn and wrapped my arms around Eijiro's waist. “What's wrong?” I asked

“My- everything-” Eijiro let out a little choked sob. “Chest hurts.” Eijiro said, curling around me.

“Awe, honey we might need to get you checked out.” I said, Eijiro shook his head and I frowned. “We need to Eiji. Com’on for now let's sit down.” I suggested. I held Eijiro close as I used float and brought us both to the couch. Eijiro let out another sound of pain as he was sat down and I let myself drop to the floor. “Could you call a visit in doctor? Have them bring stuff for an x-ray?” I asked.

“Yeah, got it.” Kachan said, sitting up and pulling his phone out. As heroes, we all have the best health insurance you can get. It has all the benefits you can get and it’s saved us more times than I can count.

I nodded and went to the kitchen. I put the ice pack away, grabbed another and then carried two mugs out to the couch. I set them down and then helped Katsuki wrap Eijiro in the ice pack and pull the blanket up. I left to get Advil and the last mug.

“They said twenty minutes.” Katsuki said. I nodded and helped Eijiro take the medicine. He seemed a lot calmer now but it was clear it still hurts. “It hasn’t hurt like this before today?” Kachan asked.

“No… I mean it has but it’s been easier to ignore.” He frowned softly. I nodded and sat next to Eijiro, trying to make sure I didn’t move him too much.

“Do you know when they broke?” I asked, Eijiro shrugged and looked away.

“I think when Katsuki got hurt.” Eijiro said and I frowned.

“Why would you offer to cover my work then? Eijiro you know how dangerous that is!” I exclaimed. “You could puncture a lung! You have to be careful!” I fretted. Eijiro nodded guiltily and looked down.

“I know it was just… easier.” He said, I took a breath to calm down and took Eijiro’s hand.

“Easier than being home?” Katsuki asked, I could hear the underlying hurt in his voice. He looked normal, a little irritated but there was a slight uplift of pain in his tone. Eijiro heard it too as his shoulders pulled to his ears for a brief second.

“Yeah… it just-” Eijiro huffed. “I didn't want to be home because it hurt to see you guys.” He explained. “I felt like I didn’t belong and like I wasn’t enough and being at work let me prove that I could be enough.” Eijiro explained. I felt hurt but I… I understood.

“Well, please tell us next time. Especially over hurting yourself.” I requested. Eijiro nodded, looking at me. He looks so guilty and hurt. It made my chest ache in ways I hadn't known were possible.

“I will. I’m really sorry.” Eijiro said, looking between me and Katsuki. Katsuki kissed Eijiro's forehead and pulled him closer.

“We forgive you, Eijiro.” Katsuki promised and I smiled softly as I put an arm around Eijiro on the other side. We were both careful of the bruising but eventually we all got comfortable and cuddled while we waited for the doctor.

Eijiro was definitely still out of it. He was obviously tired, half asleep as he leaned on Katsuki. I realized that we don’t really know how to take care of EIjiro. For all these months- years? It’s been almost two now; we haven’t taken care of Eijiro. Not seriously, he’s had bad days but we haven’t seen him down for this long. And even when he was having a bad day it doesn't count because apparently he wasn’t telling us everything

This is a long running problem that's going to take a while to fix. Eijiro is going to need to learn to communicate and Kachan and I are going to need to learn how to properly help him and take a more active role by reassuring him. I looked to Kachan and found him looking at Eijiro. He was worried, I could see it.

“Do you know what to do?” I asked, not sure what else to say, how to word it.

“No fucking clue.” Katsuki replied, raising his eyes to look at me. His mouth turned down and his eyebrows pinched together. “I don’t know how we fucked up this badly.” He added, fingers twirling Eijiro's hair.

“It's a fault on all parts.” I assured Katsuki. He shot me a little glare. “Really, Kachan. Eijiro could’ve talked to us just as much as we could’ve tried harder to confront him.” I insisted. “We all fucked up and that’s okay.” I said. “We’re all trying to fix it.” I insisted. Katsuki sighed and nodded, I could tell it helped a little by how he relaxed a little bit.

“So how do we help him?” Katsuki asked. “I mean… in UA he’d cry and I’d reassure him then make him food and he seemed to like that.” Katsuki explained.

“I usually listened and then we’d both gouge on ice cream.” I admitted. Katsuki rolled his eyes.

“You two are gross.” He said, smiling softly. His eyes were fond and they glanced between me and Eijiro. “But we already listened to him and let him cry and reassured him.” Katsuki continued, smile falling as quick as it appeared. “He still seems upset.”

“He does have a broken rib… or three.” I pointed out. “And this isn’t stress from studying. He’s got an inferiority complex and it’s obviously been fucking with him for years- way before we all got together.” I explained. “This is his second time confronting it I think.” I admitted. “It’s going to be draining. And he’ll probably be upset a lot from now on as he tries to communicate.” I rambled.

“Yeah, yeah. Quite before you wake him.” Kachan warned. “I guess all we can do is wait it out?” He suggested. I nodded.

“Yeah, I think so.” I agreed, Kachan sighed and turned back to the TV. I figured that was the end of the conversation and did the same.

The door rang about 20 minutes later. The doctor was behind by a good 10 minutes but to be fair they are coming to us and a hospital wait would’ve been way longer. I opened the door as Katsuki woke up Eijiro.

“Good morning!” The doctor chirped. I didn't mention that it was barely morning anymore.

“Morning, sorry to call you out. Our partner, we think, has some broken ribs? We think he’s had them for a while too.” He explained. The doctor nodded and walked forward as Katsuki got Eijiro to sit up. I grabbed their sleeve before they got too close. “Please be careful, he's not in the best mental state.” I warned, the doctor pursed their lips and then nodded.

“Not violent?” They asked.

“I don’t think so.” I said. Eijiro’s a sweetheart and I don’t think he’d ever hurt anyone but I’ve also seen him during villain fights and he’s definitely decked villains harder than necessary (Which we all have) so I figure the warning is fair.

“Got it, oh! I’m doctor Vinlea, she/her.” Vinlea added and I nodded.

“Okay, I’m Izuku Midoryia and the blonde is Katsuki Bakugo. The patient is Eijiro Kirishima.” I explained. Vinlea hummed and moved forward. I moved the coffee table away from the couch as she moved to Eijiro and Katsuki.

“Morning Kirishima!” She chirped, Eijiro looked up and did his best to smile.

“Uh, hi.” He stammered, nervous and tired. I could tell he was disoriented.

“I’m gonna take your vitals, yeah?” She asked, setting her bag down on the floor and pulled out a couple things. Thermometer, blood pressure, blood oxygen reader. Eijiro nodded.

“No needles.” He said she nodded with a soft chuckle.

“No needles.” She confirmed. Eijiro did fine during the exam, his blood pressure was a little high and his oxygen a little low but it wasn’t anything incredibly serious. Vinlea nodded as she put away the basics for vitals. “Okay, we’re gonna do a quick x-ray if you could lay on this.” She said, I watched her roll out a blanket that was likely anti-radiation and Eijiro nodded. I helped him lay down, Kachan shifting to be closer so he could see it better.

The doctor moved the handheld part of the x-ray over Eijiro, up and down a couple of times. When she was done I helped Eijiro back onto the couch and after a couple of seconds she hummed.

“Definitely broken. You shouldn’t need surgery to fix it luckily but you’re definitely going to be off of your feet for about 6 weeks.” She explained.

“I have work.” Eijiro insisted.

“No you don’t.” Kachan said. “You can’t work if you’re dead, Eijiro.” Katsuki reminded me, voice firm. Eijiro opened his mouth then paused and slouched.

“Fine.” Eijiro mumbled, wincing a little- slouching probably hurt his ribs.

“I’ll prescribe you something to help with the pain and I’m sure you all are familiar with breathing exercises?” She asked. I nodded softly. “Great. Well that’s all I’m here for. You should stop by a clinic or your doctor in about two weeks to check your oxygen levels, if they aren’t back up you’ll need physical therapy.” Vinlea warned. Eijiro nodded.

“Okay, thank you.” He said, Vinlea nodded.

“It’s no problem. Your prescription should be at the pharmacy soon.” She said, giving a smile before heading to the door.

We were quiet for a moment before I looked at Eijiro.

“You okay?” I asked and he nodded. “How about Advil until the pharmacy calls to tell us it's ready?” I suggested. Eijiro nodded, a soft smile slipping onto his lips.

“Yeah, that sounds good.” He agreed.

Eijiro got a lot better as the medication kicked in. He was still kind of sad but I could tell he was feeling better. It didn’t take long for all of us to start playing mario kart or really any video game we could find and enjoy

When that got old we ended up switching to movies and doing our own hobbies. Eijiro and I watched the show as we crocheted as Katsuki read a book. We ended up ordering out despite Katsuki's protests and then we all went to sleep

I felt like things were looking up

—----

“Urrck…. Urrck…. Urrrck” I felt my eyes sting each time Eijiro gagged. We’d eaten dinner maybe 30 minutes ago and we’d been so happy when Eijiro had finished his whole plate. The last three days we’ve tried not to bug him to eat. He’s in pain and he’s not feeling the best. We didn't want to pile on stress.

But tonight without prompting Eijiro had kept eating. We’d been on the couch together all cuddling and talking. Eijiro had been more quiet than usual but we’d tried to question and comfort him. We gave reassurance and told him we were proud and that he wasn’t fat or gross and we loved him but it didn't work. We asked if he was okay and he claimed he was so…. We thought we’d wait .We couldn’t push anymore if he didn’t talk to us.

Eventually he’d shot up and booked it into the bathroom and I’d followed. Now I’m holding his hair back as Eijiro threw up dinner and I felt horrible. I wasn’t sure if he’d eaten too much or the food wasn’t good or he got upset and it caused him to feel sick but regardless it hurts to see him throwing up like this.

Eijiro's dinner relented, falling into the toilet with three different heaves as Katsuki walked in. He grimaced at the sight but still held out his hand. “Hair tie?” He offered and I nodded, tying Eijiro's hair back.

“I-I’m sor-” Eijiro gagged. “Sorry.” He sobbed.

“Don’t apologize, Eiji. Focus on breathing.” I said, keeping my voice gentle as Katsuki left again. I’m not sure what to do but I could tell he didn’t want to be in here anymore. I rubbed Eijiro's back, hands resting on his shoulders and gently massaging his muscles as Eijiro gagged and gasped for air.

Eijiro threw up again, and a third time before I moved him away. There wasn’t much left to throw up anymore and I didn’t want him throwing up stomach acid.

“It’s okay, Eijiro. You’re alright.” I soothed as I leaned him against the wall. Eijiro was still a sobbing, blubbering mess. He kept trying to apologize and explain as I closed the toilet and flushed down the vomit so I didn’t risk the smell making him sick again. “Breathe, Eiji please.” I said as I sat down next to him. Eijiro sobbed and gasped as I settled. I reached over and hesitantly pulled him into my lap. Eijiro clung onto me as I started to rock him. It was awkward, he's a lot bigger than me but I made it work.

It worked, to my slight shock. I know Eijiro tends to rock when sitting and crying like this. I saw it in high school plenty of times and I’ve seen it a few times as an adult. Eijiro started to calm as I mumbled in his ear.

“You’re alright, it’s okay I’m right here. I love you, Eiji and I’m so proud of you. You’re so amazing I promise Eijiro.” I mumbled, stream non-stop as Eijiro slowly calmed down to be able to breathe again. His face was pressed to my hair and after a moment I used float to lift us. It was kind of hard not to move at all as the ground left me but I managed, and use float to get us out to the bedroom.

Katsuki was in the kitchen, three windows open to hide the smell of him cooking. It wasn’t working very well and I looked in the kitchen as I went by and saw him making chicken and rice. Likely making Eijiro a second, replacement meal. I knew he wouldn’t eat it for a while but I’m sure Kachan knew that too. So I got us to the bedroom and laid him on the bed. I let Eijiro shift himself to cuddle me but checked several times that his ribs would be okay without any pressure on them. Eijiro cuddled close to me and I kept reassuring him even when his tears stopped.

Katsuki came in with an ice pack and I pet Eijiro's hair as Katsuki put it on top of the bruise gently as he could. Eijiro whimpered and Katsuki was quick to cover us in a blanket to try and help with the cold.

“He’s okay?” Kachan asked. I nodded and kissed Eijiro's forehead as I reached for Katsuki, taking his hand and kissing the back of it. Kachan blushed and I smiled.

“He’s fine. Shaken up.” I replied, Eijiro grunted and moved his face against my neck. “What happened, Ei?” I asked as Kachan sat down on the edge of the bed. Eijiro let out a soft huff, and I let him gather his thoughts.

“I- I wanted to eat all the food.” He said, voice quiet. “I really wanted too, it was really good and I know you guys don’t like me not finishing the plate and I never finish my plate so I wanted to make sure I did. But- but I really couldn’t.” Eijiro cried, tucked close to me as tears flowed again.

“It’s okay Eiji.” I assured, Eijiro shook his head.

“It’s not! I can’t eat anything anymore! I- I didn’t realize it was this bad.” He sobbed softly. “I wanna be healthy, but I- I either eat to much or not enough apparently and I-I dunno-”

“It’s okay.” I shushed gently, Eijiro sobbed and I rocked us as much as I could to try and help soothe Eijiro. It worked a little as he quieted slowly. “You’re gonna get healthy again Eijiro, but it is going to take a lot of time.” I said, Eijiro sobbed and I hummed. “I know.” I mumbled

Katsuki reached out and nervously rubbed Eijiros back, looking down at the floor. Katsuki’s always been awkward when it comes to emotions and stuff. Even with his own, he’ll stumble and mutter as he tries to explain and when he gets frustrated he’ll start to cry. Eijiro really is the bridge between all of us, he’s emotional for me and strong for Katsuki. Now Katsuki and I just need to put our heads together and manage to be there for him like he is for us.

Though right now I suppose most of that is my job, huh?

I found I didn’t mind the idea as much as I thought I would. I’ve always felt somewhat exhausted with Katsuki during emotional moments, like I need to bear the weight of it. But it feels different now, with Eijiro in my arms. It doesn't feel like a burden, barely even any extra weight.

Eijiro calmed eventually, breathing back to normal. I talked him through some deep breaths, kissing his forehead in reward when I noticed how he had to wince and struggle when they got too deep. It’s probably time for some more pain meds, though I figured we could push those off a bit more.

“I like when you eat my food.” Kachan said and Eijiro looked over at him, uncurling from me a little. “I do, Eijiro I fucking love it.” Katsuki said, shifting to fully face us. Katsuki’s face was worried and stern and when he saw both of us looking he scowled a little. “But I hate you throwing it up, Eijiro. You fucked up, but you can’t make healing go any faster than it’s going to go.” Katsuki explained and I felt Eijiro tense and then relax against me.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Eijiro said, I could tell he felt defeated but sometimes that’s how it has to happen.

“You’re doing good and I’m proud of you.” Kachan added, leaning down and kissing Eijiro's head. I smiled and copied when Katsuki pulled away. Eijiro let out a soft sigh as his muscles untensed and he seemed to sink down into the bed. “I made you more food when you’re ready to eat. I’m not letting you fall asleep until you eat.” Katsuki warned. Eijiro nodded with a small smile.

“Okay.” Eijiro agreed.

It took a while but eventually Eijiro agreed to eat. He ate half the plate before giving up and we praised him before we all went to bed.

—----------

Eijiro slowly recovered, and we all worked on communication. It was a slow process- relearning a lot of our relationship. Eijiro hid his emotions a lot more than we thought and him coming to us for comfort or asking for reassurance was a daily thing now as opposed to once a month. I’m not sure how much of that is his mental state or Eijiro though.

Still, it was going… good. Katsuki and I seemed to help and we all needed the time off together.

“Get dressed in something nice!” Katsuki declared, I looked to Eijiro and found him just as confused as me. It’s almost the two week mark- almost time for me to go back to work. Katsuki is still on two weeks leave after this. It's kind of good Eijiro's home, Katsuki would fight the leave otherwise.

“Why?” I asked, confused. Katsuki frowned at me.

“Don’t ask questions!” Katsuki snapped but when Eijiro and I stared at him a little longer he lost some of his attitude. “I want to go on a date. I already have a place in mind.” Katsuki admitted, and I smiled softly.

“It’s been so long since we went on a date.” I hummed, sitting up a little. Katsuki seemed to take this wrong and deflated a little more. He was slowly becoming more and more embarrassed.

“Yeah so I figured since we’re all off- forget it!” Katsuki exclaimed and Eijiro laughed softly

“No! Kats we wanna go!” Eijiro insisted, finally pushing himself to stand and moving to Katsuki who was trying to run away to the bedroom- huffing angrily.

“Then why do you keep asking questions! This is fucking- mmmm.” Katsuki was cut off by Eijiro kissing him as I moved to join the two. Katsuki's face was a bright red as he looked between the two of us. A small pout rested on his face as he glared between us.

“I’m sorry we kept questioning you. What do we wear? How fancy?” Eijiro asked and Katsuki slowly started to smile again.

“Casual formal.” Katsuki said. “Like a button down or something.” He explained and Eijiro and I nodded.

“Okay, we’ll go and get dressed.” I agreed with a soft smile. Eijiro and I both kissed Katsuki before heading to the bedroom to change.

It took several outfit changes before Katsuki gave the two of us approval. It doesn’t matter how hard Eijiro and I try, I don’t think we’ll ever match up to Katsuki's standards for dress. After several changes Eijiro ended up in a red button down with black straight pants and some sneakers while I was put in a green button down with fancy little flowers embroidered on it (I honestly forgot I owned the shirt) and a pair of brown slacks. Katsuki went with an orange button down and a suit jacket overtop it along with some grey pants.

We all went outside and piled into the car. Katsuki was in the driver's seat, Eijiro in the back and me in the passenger seat.

“Where are we going?” EIjiro asked.

“It’s a surprise.” Katsuki said, Eijiro whined.

“I don’t do well with surprises!” He complained. “I wanna know where we’re going!” He whined and I chuckled as I saw Katsuki's face shift to irritated but endeared.

“You’ll find out when we get there!” He said and Eijiro huffed, I heard him shift and when I glanced behind me I saw him pouting. I giggled and Eijiro grinned a little before quickly getting back into character. “You’re both insufferable.” Kachan said, I rolled my eyes.

“You love us.” I teased, reaching over and teasingly touching Katsuki's thigh, he flushed and glared.

“What fucking ever- pick some music!” He snapped and I laughed with Eijiro as I picked out a song for us to listen to. We all talked as Katsuki drove, taking us to the more uptown area. I hoped silently he wasn’t taking us anywhere Eijiro would need to do anything physical but Katsuki's smart and I trust him so I silently reassured myself.

Katsuki parked in the parking lot of a fancy looking restaurant. We all piled out, it was mostly quiet. Eijiro's typically the one who's ranting in excitement as we go into places, especially food places. I rant sometimes but usually when it’s about heroes or something. I’ve missed Eijiro being excited and energetic like he was but I also know he’ll come back in time.

“This is a steakhouse?” Eijiro asked as we got to the front doors and when I looked up- sure enough it was a steakhouse. “Katsuki?” He asked, excited.

“I was thinking about it and I realized that we’ve gone to eat at super spicy places and we’ve gone to Deku's dessert and weird salad places” Katsuki explained. “But we’ve taken you to a steak house like twice? In two years? Which is really fucking stupid and unfair.” Kachan explained, a little ashamed to admit it. And I thought about it and realized that yeah, we haven’t gone to eat steak very often. Eijiro loves steak- we all know that. It’s his favorite food- that and any meat he can get his hands on.

“Oh! I’ve never minded. A lot of places have steak-” Eijiro started, rubbing the back of his neck as we walked in.

“I don’t care if anywhere has it!” Katsuki said as we walked through the doors. “It’s not the same and you know that! Anywhere has spicy and sweet stuff. It’s not- theres-” Kachan stammered and I figured it was time to step in.

“What he’s trying to say is… you really shouldn’t make excuses for us, Eijiro.” I said. “We didn’t mean to be but we were… bad boyfriends. We didn’t consider you as often as we should’ve and even if- even if we did and you said it was fine we could’ve made more of an effort to make sure you were happy with the outcomes.” I finished.

Eijiro was quiet, eyebrows furrowed as he thought. We all kept walking though, and Katsuki asked for us to get a seat. We were led to a table and sat down and it was silent as Katsuki and I let Eijiro think it over.

“I- you guys weren’t bad boyfriends. It’s not your job to make me do stuff.” Eijiro pointed out.

“But we didn’t offer.” I said.

“Yeah but you asked. You always asked if I wanted to go or where I wanted to go and I always told you guys to pick- I was really stubborn about it actually.” Eijiro explained. “I- I guess just- know you don’t need to make anything up to me.” Eijiro sighed. “I love you both and I really don’t hold anything against you. I’d like it if we could keep doing… stuff like this from now on but I don’t- I’m not upset it’s only starting now.” Eijiro said.

“If you’re sure.” I said as Katsuki hummed.

“We’ll still try and make it up to you- for our own consciousness. But I’m glad you’re not mad.” Katsuki said, reaching across the table and grabbing Eijiro's hand. I took Eijiros other hand from where I sat on Eijiros right. Eijiro smiled and squeezed both our hands.

“I love you guys.” He said and I smiled.

“Love you too.” Katsuki and I said at the same time. There was a moment of silence before the waiter walked over.

“Hello! What can I get you to drink?” They asked and we all turned immediately to face them.

“Ah! Uh- sweet tea?” I asked, she nodded and jotted it down as I scrambled for the menu.

“The banana-strawberry smoothie?” Eijiro asked and the waiter once again nodded and jotted it down.

“Izuku, could you drive home?” Katsuki asked. I looked up a little confused but still nodded .

“Yeah, course’ Kachan.” I agreed and he gave me a little grin.

“Whiskey on the rocks?” Katsuki said, getting his ID out.

“Yes sir.” The waiter said once they saw he was of age. “I’ll be back with drinks to take the rest of your order.” They said, giving a smile.

“Thank you!” Eijiro and I said as they walked away. “Drinking?” Eijiro asked, leaning forward a little, he had a grin and a teasing little tilt to his brow. Katsuki blushed and looked away with a soft shrug.

“Seemed fun.” He said, Eijiro smiled and Katsuki relaxed as he blushed.

It didn’t take long for conversation to start, the three of us bouncing ideas back and fourth. Our drinks came out and we ordered appetizers and then actual meals. Eijiro seemed to be enjoying himself- he was eating a lot and I was worried but I chose to trust him not to make himself sick or anything.

Katsuki kept drinking and Eijiro wouldn’t stop raving about the smoothie and the steak. I enjoyed my alfredo- I can’t quite handle steak most of the time. But I was still enjoying eating with them and I couldn’t seem to keep a smile off my face.

—--

“Oh my god I’m never eating again.” Eijiro groaned as we walked out to the car. Eijiro had almost finished his whole plate and to celebrate Katsuki had ordered him a second meal to take home. Eijiro tried to argue but it was weak- he’d eat the shit out of that steak tomorrow.

“Yeah, yeah.” Katsuki said, he was half hanging off me, nice and drunk.

“I’m serious! I feel so bloated.” Eijiro chuckled, Katsuki snickered and then he let go of me and I was confused until he went around and jumped onto Eijiro. Eijiro laughed and I jumped a little.

“Kachan his ribs!” I exclaimed but neither of them seemed to care, laughing together as Eijiro tried to get him off. Katsuki ended up getting dislodged and they ended up pushing against each other with their fingers intertwined. They were laughing and smiling and-

I love them

“Okay, okay in the car!” I exclaimed, Eijiro pushed to the right and let go before starting to run a little to the car. “Carful! Don’t make yourself sick- Kachan do not jump on him again!” I laughed as I ran after the two. Eijiro managed to slide into the car before getting attacked and Katsuki shoved his face against the window. Eijiro's laugh was loud and could be heard from outside the car as Katsuki tried to make scary faces at him.

I couldn’t help but laugh too as I walked closer, opening the door for the passenger so Katsuki could get in the car. He argued as I shoved him in and I went to the drivers side once I knew Katsuki was secure in the car.

“You two are impossible.” I said, Eijiro was still chuckling from the back and Katsuki looked like he’d just been deemed number one with how smug he looked about the whole thing.

I pulled out of the parking lot as Katsuki started to talk about his recent developments on his hero costume- he’s always chatty when drunk. It's cute and I knew Eijiro enjoyed it as much as I do when I noticed him leaning on the middle console to look at Katsuki as he talked.

I felt at peace, and more connected to the two than I think I ever have. It’s nice, really refreshing to know that we’re all getting closer. The roadblock has passed and now we can focus on healing and growing together. I sighed as I parked in the parking garage of our apartment. This is how I want to spend my life.

And I know as long as we put in the work, we can all get what we want.

Chapter Text

(Katsuki's POV)

Stupid ass Eijiro getting himself hurt. Stupid Deku leaving me home with him.

Eijiro goes back to work in three weeks. His ribs are healed but still sore- though he’s been cleared for physical activity. I’m not cleared yet but I’ve started working out again anyway. The only thing they said to be careful about was not doing extreme physical activity since it could mess up my organs. But nothing bad has happened yet and I know how to pace myself when needed. I go back in two weeks- it’s going to take longer than that to build back up my muscle from not doing shit until then.

Eijiro was still in the habit of not waking up though. Ever since we had him take off after his… meltdown he’s slept in most days. He also naps and tends to go to sleep around 10pm. He spends most of his time asleep and it’s really worrying. I’ll be the first to admit I’m horrible with emotions but I’m not dumb. I know what it means when someone sleeps a ton and loses motivation to do things they like (Like working out and crocheting and watching stupid Crimson Riot films). Eijiro's depressed, and he probably has been for a long time- this was just the crash that let him reveal it.

Eijiro's strong and he stands until he can’t. But he also needs to get back up and now it’s Izuku and I’s jobs to make sure that happens.

“Eijiro.” I said, shaking him gently. Eijiro groaned as he rolled over and opened an eye to look up at me as I kneeled on the bed.

“Kats? What time is it?” Eijiro asked, rolling over but not sitting up.

“It’s 8:12.” I replied, Eijiro made a face at me and moved to roll back over but I grabbed his shoulder. “And we’re going on a jog.” I said. Eijiro looked at me again, now confused.

“It’s too early for that.” Eijiro complained but I didn’t move, looking at him and waiting. Eijiro groaned and rolled over, I smirked and gave him a kiss before moving off the bed. Eijiro pulled himself up with a groan.

We got ready, Eijiro in a tank top and shorts as I got into a tshirt and sweat pants (It’s getting cold- better to be safe than sorry) and the two of us headed out on our usual route.

Eijiro was definitely tired but the longer we went the more he seemed to wake up and start to enjoy it .We gradually sped up from a light jog to a brisk run even sprinting at some points. We had a route that took us around two blocks, to a park that had a 5 mile long trail- we did that twice and then we headed back to the apartment. Eijiro was definitely tired by the end of it and I have to admit we both had jelly legs as we washed off. I started breakfast as Eijiro yawned and shuffled around behind me trying to clean. We didn’t talk much at all, almost avoiding speaking to each other.

The silence was nice, just existing together felt normal. It reminded me of UA when I was still closed off and Eijiro was the only one who could break through my walls. I wouldn't let anyone else but him in the kitchen with me most nights and over time he learned that I prefer quiet co-existing as opposed to talking. I thought he hated it for the longest time because he seems like such an outgoing person but late night confessions revealed that he loved it as much as I did. He said he enjoyed the quiet and being able to be himself since he often tries to seem outgoing to be more “flashy”.

“Can’t believe you made me run at 8am.” Eijiro mumbled, snapping me out of my thoughts as he wrapped his arms around my waist. The food was almost done, I’m just standing here watching it cook.

“You liked it.” I replied and Eijiro huffed.

“Only a little.” he conceded and I chuckled as I reached up and buried a hand in his hair where his head rested on my shoulder. I itched his scalp and leaned over pressing a kiss to his temple as he hummed.

“You’re gonna need to start working out again eventually, Ei.” I warned, taking a more serious tone. Eijiro sighed and nodded against my shoulder.

“I know, I just- it’s hard to start again.” He sighed.

“Which is why I’m going to help you.” I said. “We’ll start again together.” I assured myself, grinning. Eijiro hummed softly and we fell quiet again. I plated the food and Eijiro immediately took my pan to wash out. It was simple eggs and sausage with muffins. I brought it out to the table and set it down as Eijiro came to join me.

“Wanna re-dye your hair?” I suggested, Eijiro paused mid bite and I watched him glance up like he could see his hair- he could but not by much.

“Yeah, the roots have grown in that much?” He asked

“Not really but they’re grown in enough.” I replied and Eijiro smiled, nodding.

“That’d be great, Kats. Thanks.” Eijiro agreed and I nodded with a grin.

—--

“I seriously hate you.” I said, Eijiro couldn’t seem to stop laughing. We’d dragged a stool into the bathroom to dye Eijiro's hair and when I turned around to grab a comb he dipped a finger in the dye and managed to get my hair. Eijiro thought it was the funniest thing ever.

I wanted to be mad, but weirdly having a little matching spot with Eijiro wasn’t the worst thing I could think of. It made me wonder if I should buy green dye- but that’d be a little too close to Christmas.

“I’m-I’m sorry it was an impulse I swear.” Eijiro laughed, hand covering his mouth as he laughed at the whole thing. I rolled my eyes at him and slapped more red dye onto his roots.

“Yeah, yeah- at least you’ve got red hands now.” I grumbled as Eijiro chuckled.

“Worth it.” He said, trying to lean back onto me. I rolled my eyes and pushed him forward, being a little careful because his scalp is always super sensitive after we bleach it. “I love you.” Eijiro sighed, meeting my eyes in the mirror. He looked so lovely like this, soft in the bathroom lights. He looked healthier, cheeks no longer sunken and skin no longer pale. He looked happier, like himself.

“I love you too.” I replied, heart full.

—--

I couldn’t help but moan as Eijiro thursted forward, Izuku giggled next to me and pulled me into a kiss, leaning over me in the area Eijiro wasn’t already occupying. I let Izuku pull me into a kiss and arched my back as Eijiro hit my prostate, another moan leaving me as I kissed Izuku.

It was a rare night where all three of us could get together like this, we all have sex apparently all the time but it's still amazing when we get to have sex together. It always makes it better, when it’s only two of us it feels like there's an empty space.

“Fuck, you sound good.” Izuku groaned, his hand held my jaw possessively and I grinned as I moaned again. Izuku's hand shot down and I could hear him jerking off distantly between the slaps of Eijiro against my ass.

I could feel myself starting to climb that peak, rocking back onto Eijiro a little as Izuku kissed me again only to feel a wetness on my shoulder. It wasn’t spit either- I know what Eijiros spit feels like and this isn’t it. It’s almost dripping onto me and as I pulled away from Izuku I realized Eijiro's shoulders were shaking a little and his pants weren’t as loud as before. I felt a sharp spike of panic rush through me.

“Yellow!” I said and immediately everything ground to a halt. Eijiro stopped moving his hips and I had to keep from whining at the lost stimulation as I switched to cup the back of Eijiro's head instead of having my fingers tangled in it.

“Whats wrong?” Izuku asked as he sat up, looking me over. I ignored the question as I tried to coax Eijiro to move his head but he refused.

“Eiji, com’on.” I said, Eijiro didn’t move but after a couple seconds a little sob left him and he seemed to sink into me a little as he started to cry.

“Oh, puppy.” Izuku said, worried about leaking from his tone. He got up and came back with a towel as I pet Eijiro's hair and tried not to clench around him. “Up puppy, now.” Izuku said, voice firm. Eijiro slowly lifted his head and Izuku didn’t hesitate to wipe his nose, cheeks and mouth off as Eijiro cried and sniffled. “What happened?” Izuku asked worriedly as I cupped Eijiro's cheek.

“N-nothing I-” Eijiro sobbed again and I frowned as I leaned in and kissed his nose.

“Pull out.” I said gently and Eijiro shook his head, curling around me. I frowned as I looked at Izuku who shrugged a little helplessly and leaned forward to wipe off my shoulder. “It’s okay, you can talk to us.” I said to Eijiro, voice hesitant. I’m so bad at reassuring people. “We won’t be mad or whatever… it's okay if you don't wanna have sex, Eijiro.” I insisted. Eijiro shook his head and I felt offended but I knew better than to jump to conclusions. Eijiro took a little to calm down, the whole time I tried not to start rocking back on him or asking for more.

“I-” Eijiro finally spoke and I petted his hair to help as he nuzzled my neck. “I get… emotional and I dunno why.” Eijiro said finally. “I cry a lot when we have sex but I’m not sad, I just- I feel like I need to.” Eijiro stammered. “I usually try and wait until after.”

“Is that why you take so long in the bathroom?” Izuku asked, voice worried as he leaned down to look at Eijiro where he was still mostly tucked into my neck. Eijiro nodded.

“I always assumed you were shitting.” I said before I could think, I flushed right after as Eijiro let out a little choked sound and then started to laugh. It was wet and raw but he laughed into my shoulder as Izuku giggled and I tried to keep pouting through my blush but failed.

“N-no, I’m usually crying.” Eijiro said when he calmed down. “I do shit sometimes though-”

“Gross.” I said, using my hand to shove Eijiro into my neck. This got me another wet chuckle as Eijiro squeezed his arms around me.

“Regardless,” Izuku started. “You don’t need to cry alone Eiji, we don’t mind you crying, really. Kachan probably likes it.” Izuku insisted, I shot him a glare with a pout as Izuku giggled at me. He lifted Eijiro's head and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Cry all you want, really Eiji.’ Izuku insisted and Eijiro hesitated before nodding softly. Izuku kissed Eijiro's forehead and I watched Eijiro smile as he leaned into it and let out a soft gasp as it pushed him deeper into me.

“Fuck, are we green?” I asked, I might be more into crying than I thought considering I’ve only flagged a little. I’m surprised Eijiro hadn’t flagged at all.

“I’m green.” Izuku purred, kissing down Eijiro's jaw.

“Green.” Eijiro agreed, eyes lided as Izuku down his neck now.

“Then fuck me.” I demanded, using my legs to rock Eijiro into me and moaning at the feeling. Eijiro started to work a pace back up, careful not to disturb Izuku who was moving down Eijiro's neck and shoulders to his chest, leaning in and wrapping his lips around Eijiro's nipple.

It didn’t take long for the waterworks to start again, Eijiro gasping and moaning as tears fell down plump cheeks. I watched and it made me get closer even faster. Eijiro's so pretty, especially when he cries.

“Does it feel good, puppy?” I asked, Izuku moving to jerk off as I cupped Eijiro's cheek and angled his face so I could see it better. “Does it feel too good?” Eijiro gasped and nodded. “Say it.”

“Feels so good, s’too much.” Eijiro gasped. “Wanna cum.” He whined, hips speeding up and I groaned.

“Keep going puppy, Kachan likes it.” Izuku said, I could hear his smirk and I felt his free hand tangle in my hair, pulling it and angling me to look up at Eijiro as he moaned and sobbed, fucking me hard and fast.

“Feels so good, so tight and warm- Kat’ski.” Eijiro moaned, hands gripping my hips harder as he tried to fuck in faster and only messsed up his rhythm.

“Keep your pace, puppy.” I groaned and arousal throbbed through me as Eijiro did exactly as I told him too, correcting himself to have a steady pace even though I could tell it made it harder for him. Tears fell faster the closer Eijiro got and I groaned, grabbing Eijiro's hair and pulling him down to lick the tears from his cheeks. “Want Izuku to use your mouth? Wanna make him feel good too?” I asked.

“Please I wanna make him cum-” Eijiro whined, Izuku groaned and moved, positioning himself above me as he took Eijiro's hair in his hand and guided his mouth to his dick. Eijiro took it beautifully as always, but as soon as Izuku hit the back of his throat Eijiro was twitching in me and filling me up. I moaned and fucked myself back onto him as I worked to my own high, Eijiro moaning and trying to beg around Izuku.

It pushed Izuku over the edge and seeing Eijiro's tears drip off his jaw had me finishing between us, arching up against him. Izuku pulled out halfway through his orgasm and jerked himself to completion, getting it all over Eijiro's face before he practically collapsed on top of me, shaking and jerking as he tried to come down from his high despite the stimulation still happening.

“Good puppy.” I panted, petting Eijiro's hair. He nuzzled my neck and hummed happily even as tears continued to fall

Yeah, crying definitely wouldn't be a problem.

—--------

“Guys!” Eijiro was like a puppy as he bounded over to Izuku and I. I watched him stumble and almost fall over himself as he ran to us, the smell of weed quickly cluing me into why he was so off kilter as he wrapped his arms around my waist. “Hi! How was work?” He asked, excited. I grinned and ruffled his hair as I bullied the two of them further in by gently kicking Eijiro's feet back. He didn’t seem to care nor notice.

“Sorry!” Sero said from his spot on the couch. “He's uh, lost a lot of weight since we smoked together last.” Sero explained. Eijiro doesn't like to be alone so for this last week that he’s alone while Izuku and I work he’s chosen to try and get back into talking to our friends. They’ve all been really receptive and even worked out times for the upcoming weeks they could meet and talk. Stability is everything, especially when trying to get back into day to day life and so we’ve decided to try and focus on a schedule of some sort.

And it’s helping Eijiro a lot so far, he's working out again and steadily eating more and more. It’s been so reliving to watch him turn back into his energetic self. He’s so much happier and I feel like we’re all closer than we ever have been. Izuku shares the sentiment too.

“It's okay, Hanta.” Izuku giggled as he went behind Eijiro and lifted him by his waist. His ribs are practically fully healed, the bruise is gone and Eijiro only complains about aching after particularly hard lifts (Which we tell him to stop doing). Eijiro laughed as he was lifted and moved his arms and legs around as Izuku moved him to the couch. “You’re so cute, Eiji!” He exclaimed.

I looked around the apartment, it was messy which shows that Eijiros and Sero have been high probably all day. And it looks like Eijiro dragged Sero into a Crimson Riot rant if the books and figures all over the table are anything to go by. Not to mention the tissues and two boxes that have been moved to the living room.

“Have you guys been having fun?” I asked, closing and locking the door. I took my shoes off and removed my jacket as Sero nodded.

“I was just reading some marvel comics with him but then a character reminded him of Crimson and it wasn’t really an option not to talk about him after that.” Sero chuckled, shifting to one side of the couch as Eijiro moved onto his back to try and get away as Izuku tickled him.

“Well thanks for listening to him.” I said as I walked over to Izuku and gently swatted his hands until he pulled them back with a little giggle, returning to the door to take his shoes off and hang up his jacket. Eijiro looked up at me, eyes singing with affection.

“Hi, Katsuki~” He cooed and I chuckled as I leaned down and kissed his forehead, Eijiro cupped my cheek and led me to his lips. I indulged him for a few kisses before standing fully again. Eijiro whined and pouted but I just ruffled his hair.

“I’m gonna start dinner, what do you guys want?” I asked, already walking to the kitchen

“Wait, dude I can cook.” Sero said, I heard him following me. “You just got back from work man, I can do it. I bought stuff and everything.” Sero insisted, sliding past me and into the kitchen before I could stop him.

“Well you’re a little late.” I pointed out.

“It’s like 5pm! And I didn't know what time you guys were getting home.” Sero argued, shit eating grin in place as normal. I rolled my eyes.

“You better not fuck up my kitchen.” I warned.

“Course, sparky.” Sero joked, already getting out pots and pans. I was going to yell at him but then I heard a loud yell and a laugh and no longer had interest in watching Sero cook.

When I walked into the living room again, Eijiro and Izuku were on the floor. They were both already in a deep conversation about Crimson Riot. Eijiro made wild movements with his hands as Izuku gave little comments here and there to add on or start Eijiro onto a whole new tangent. I sat down on the couch, Eijiro immediately started to talk to me too and show me the figures he’s shown me so many times.

I had been the one to ask if we could date Eijiro too. Izuku and I had that conversation almost a full two years ago now. I had been crushing on Eijiro since high school, but the older we got the more worried I got about losing him. I was okay just being best friends but Eijiro started to distance himself a little and it felt like a heartbreak. I talked to Izuku, and after three long talks over the course of a month we decided we should add Eijiro to our relationship if he wanted it.

It was a lot, adding a whole new person in? We literally had to reshape parts of our lives around him. We didn’t have as much time for each other, so we made more time when we could. We made more room to fit his stuff, we added him into conversations.

I was awake when Izuku yelled at Eijiro in the hospital room. I heard it, but Eijiro didn't say anything about it, Izuku apologized so I figured it was fine. I didn't realize it had kept fucking with Eijiro.

It showed, for a while. Eijiro was nervous around Izuku, always careful with touching me. He wouldn't talk as long or as loud and he'd shrink in on himself whenever Izuku and I would talk like he was trying to disappear from the room. It's gotten better now, Eijiro still deflates sometimes, especially when Izuku gets too excited and cuts him off. Eijiro still apologizes far too much and occasionally hesitates to initiate contact.

But, watching the two of them talk and laugh I felt like it'd be okay. Eijiro would keep laughing and talking, Izuku would ramble and trip over himself still. I'd keep being bitchy as always. We’d be okay.

This, this was more than enough