Chapter Text
She knew making excuses for him wasn’t right. She knew it wasn’t helping. She knew being here, stuck with him as her only company, wasn’t helping. It’s not like she had any other choice though.
Three days ago, she was tucked away in a warehouse, learning how to speak like a pirate and building a Raid Zeppelin replica in hopes of the ninja team - or what was left of it - having some kind of cover to stop Nadakhan. They were already three team members down and none of them had the energy to keep fighting, and that only carried on into their battle.
Kai and Zane had been taken by Nadakhan. Nya had been upset when her brother was taken. She wasn’t entirely sure where. She wasn’t entirely sure how. All she knew was that he was trapped in that stupid sword with nothing and nobody to help him. Kai was stupid sometimes, they all knew that, but for him to wish everything away was something she couldn’t have seen him doing. Whatever he saw, whatever happened, must’ve been bad enough for him to give in pretty easily. Zane was taken quickly too and he was the smartest one of them all.
The shock that had come across the three remaining ninja when they discovered Jay was still alive, still fighting, was insane. Sure, they’d all been telling each other that he was okay, that he was strong, but none of them truly believed he hadn’t given in, especially after what had happened on Tiger Widow Island. When Nya saw Cole standing on the (wrong) Zeppelin with Jay standing firmly by his side, she couldn’t quite believe her eyes.
Everything after that happened so quickly and four turned into two. Now she was stuck in a lighthouse on a remote island in the middle of the ocean with the one person she’d sworn to despise just a few weeks ago.
Well, despise was a strong word actually. She never truly hated him. She couldn’t, even if she was supposed to, even if she felt it briefly…
Ever since Nadakhan was released, Jay had talked himself into so much trouble, not just with the djinn but with his own friends, and truly he only had himself to blame. He was a loudmouth, there was no doubt about it, and there was certainly no doubt about him getting himself into this rat trap. Nadakhan picking him out as his first victim seemed about right. Jay was gullible and naive; Nadakhan must’ve been able to tell. Besides, as much as Nya hated to admit it, Jay was insecure. That made him the perfect target. Nadakhan just managed to grab him while at his weakest.
Sure, Jay had been manipulated to some extent but did that excuse his behaviour?
Since the two had arrived at the lighthouse, Nya had avoided the topic altogether. She avoided Jay too. He was quiet, much more closed off, and she couldn’t necessarily blame him. In fact, she was quite thankful that he wasn’t talking her ear off or trying to persuade her to fall in love with him like she’d thought she’d done when they were much younger. He’d talked a lot on the way to the lighthouse, but now that the two were stuck here with nothing to do, nothing to talk about without it getting awkward, the pair drifted. Jay spent most of his time napping or staring out the window - everything likely catching up to him - while Nya sat by the ocean a lot. It calmed her and Jay never seemed to want to come outside.
He was injured. It was unclear what Nadakhan and the sky pirates had actually done to him on that ship, and Nya hadn’t had the chance to speak to Cole before he was taken away like the others, but from the way Jay had stood on that Zeppelin made her heart ache. He looked exhausted, and she could tell that just from looking at him now - days later. If his injuries were anything to go off of, it was a genuine miracle that he was still here. She was glad he was, but there was part of her that… perhaps wished he’d been the first taken.
It felt cruel. Blaming Jay for everything that had happened wasn’t fair, but it truly was a domino effect. Sure, Nadakhan would’ve targeted them all eventually, taking everyone one by one like he’d already done, but they could’ve stood a proper fighting chance if Jay had just been honest from the start.
Why he lied made no sense to her. Lying wasn’t new to Jay, he’d done it often, but never to this extent. She tried her best to understand his point of view, to understand that he was scared and worried about losing those around him (especially Nya) but so much would’ve been prevented if he’d just… not lied.
She wanted to trust him. She wanted to trust that they’d get through it. That she wouldn’t fall victim to Nadakhan, that she wouldn’t be forced to marry him, that Jay would be okay too and they could get their friends back, but right now it wasn’t looking hopeful. Especially not when she knew she couldn’t trust Jay at all. What if he lied again and that risked their lives too? They were the only hope Ninjago had left.
Nya sat at the beach, her gi getting all sandy, feeling the ocean wash against her toes. It was relaxing. It helped her to think clearly.
She’d packed her new Airjitzu gi in the bags before leaving the other day so she’d wear it some time soon, but right now just didn’t feel like the right time, especially not when the two hadn’t thought of a plan yet. She wanted Jay to rest.
Taking in a deep breath, letting the fresh sea air cleanse her throat and lungs, she could still feel that nervous knot in her chest. She couldn’t ever fully relax knowing her life was still on the line. Well, actually, sure she wasn’t ever going to actually die or be taken away, but she still feared everyone around her would. And besides, she didn’t want to marry some ancient creep. The thought of marrying anyone made her feel sick actually. Perhaps coming up with a plan would’ve made her feel better, but the last thing she wanted was to face those conversations with the man currently in the lighthouse. Jay had been through a lot recently, he’d never coped well under stress, so she wanted him to get the rest he needed before anything else happened, but that only provided her with more time to think. She hadn’t spoken to him properly since they arrived here. The time to unwind was nice though.
She wanted to hate Jay. She wanted to blame him specifically for everything that’s happened. For all of their friends being taken away, for being forced into this marriage, for being trapped here with the person she wanted to be around the least, but she couldn’t and it only pissed her off.
Why couldn’t she hate him for it? After all, it was his lies that led to all of this. It was his disregarding behaviour that led to everything that's happened. She shouldn’t feel bad for him at all, so why did she feel so guilty? Why did she feel responsible?
And why , oh why , did she still care for him like she always had done, if not more?
All Jay had shown since Nadakhan was released was that he didn’t care much for her own feelings because all he wanted was to be together with her. He didn’t care about their conversation when Nya had tried to explain her feelings because he’d made those stupid wishes with Nadakhan not even a minute later. He hadn’t understood her at all and went behind her back. He’d been secretive and acting weird and not treating her like she had her own choices and feelings. He’d tried to use wishes to win her heart.
All of that and she still cared.
Was it just because she felt bad for him? Was it because she felt solely responsible for a lot of it? Her feelings for him had never gone away, she was just tired of all the fighting and having to choose a boy felt so wrong. She could be independent and the world only ever seemed to see her as one of the ninja’s girlfriends. She hated it. That’s why she never acted on her feelings, but she’d known all along that she wanted to be with Jay. If she’d just pushed everything else aside and chosen him, would any of this hav-
No.
She was losing her mind. Maybe it was just intrusive thoughts. The whole point of never ‘choosing’ someone to be with her was to show the world that she was much more than someone’s girlfriend. She knew that if she had actually chosen Jay back then, like the world wanted, she would’ve only ever been in Jay’s shadow. There would’ve only been more arguments about who a ‘better match’ would’ve been. It wasn’t worth it and it certainly wasn’t worth her own mental health. She had just been lucky that Jay and Cole understood that she didn’t want to choose and that they worked things out between them. Perhaps that was another reason she hadn’t wanted to start dating Jay again. Would that have caused another rift in their friendship?
And if she hadn’t chosen herself over them, maybe she would’ve never found out how disregarding Jay could be. He wasn’t a bad person, she knew that, but he let his thoughts and feelings take over and that often led to him acting selfishly. She knew he meant no harm, but that didn’t mean she should have to give in, no matter how much she still wanted to be with him. If he wasn’t to learn from his actions, there was no way she could ever trust him again. Just because he’d gone through a lot and just because she still cared about him, didn’t mean he shouldn’t be held accountable.
That didn’t make any of this less hard though.
She let out a small sigh, closing her eyes and bringing her knees up to her chest. The beautiful world around her had become so cruel. Everything felt like a punishment and no amount of hopeful sighing would ever help her to relax. She was truly stuck.
Nadakhan was looking for her. Not even just looking, but actively tracking her down. He wanted her. He wanted to marry her. Keep her hostage. She’d barely even had the time to process it all properly. At least these last few days sitting out here somewhere (hopefully) safe gave her the time to think it all through.
Hopefully this was all just a bad dream and she’d wake up in the safety of her bed, the birds chirping outside, and the sun shining… with an understanding Jay and the team back to normal, and her brother … God, she could really do with a hug from Kai right now.
She opened her eyes again, staring out across the water. The waves weren’t rough. They were soft and soothing, something she was thankful for. They hadn’t had a storm yet and quite frankly, she didn’t want one. She finally starts to feel the knot in her chest unravel, but it doesn’t last long before she hears footsteps behind her.
She prays to god that it’s not him .
“Do you want company?”
Her eyes close, the knot unraveling a little again as she lets out a small relieved sigh. She feels the sand beside her move as he sits down. Once she opens her eyes, calming herself, she forces herself to glance at him slightly. He doesn’t look at her. Instead, his gaze is fixed on the horizon.
His hair was scruffy. He still wore the same gi he wore on the ship - torn and shredded in some areas - some of his injuries visible through the cuts in the fabric. They looked angry. Painful…
His eyes, though, seemed to be the worst. One of his eyes was a paler blue than the other - the one he’d had an eyepatch over just a few days ago - but she didn’t think to question why. The last thing she wanted was for him to think about what happened. The dark circles under his eyes, which had only gotten darker since they escaped, was what worried her the most right now though.
Her eyes remained on him, “you look exhausted.”
He doesn’t respond, nor look at her. He just blinks and there’s something sad under his initial expression. She can’t blame him for that. Like she thought about before, he’d never coped well under stress. The past few weeks had been more than stressful. Nya considered this to be their most tiring battle yet.
“Have you slept at all?” she asked gently.
He just nods. Was that yet another lie?
“What about you?” he asks, his voice slightly hoarse.
Nya shrugged, “a little.”
The two sat in awkward silence for a minute. Nya sat with her feet in the water, watching as it hit her ever so gently. Jay kept aware of their surroundings, glancing around every so often, but ultimately staring out at the horizon ahead of them. She’d never seen him so wary. He couldn’t seem to get comfortable at all.
To Nya’s surprise, Jay didn’t glance at her once. She wasn’t sure why. Whether it was because he was uncomfortable, or if he was trying to hide something, she didn’t know, but she did know that he was trying his best to look strong. Nya could see right through the facade.
She wouldn’t tell him that though. He needed the strength right now.
“You’ve been quiet,” he finally speaks up, quieter than intended, “are you okay?”
It was a stupid question because neither of them were okay and it was obvious, but the fact he was asking was nice. She appreciated it. For someone so clueless sometimes, he was a pretty observant person.
She attempted to clear her throat, the knot in her chest returning slightly.
“You should be honest,” Jay glanced down at his crossed legs.
Nya frowned, her gaze landing on him once again. He looked somewhat lost.
“...I’m tired?”
He let out a light chuckle, “well obviously, but I mean about everything.”
All she did was look at him with a light frown. She stayed like that for a minute - just staring at him, trying to read his mind. Maybe it seemed clear to him what he meant, but to her he could’ve been asking about anything. It was vague.
Perhaps opening up about everything clouding her mind would be a good thing though. Jay had never been the best listener but he was the only person within distance and it’s not like she could complain to her brother about everything. Jay had been quiet, too, recently anyway. Perhaps he’d be a good listener now.
She took a deep breath in and let it out a few seconds later, closing her eyes once more as the cold water hit her toes. She was safe.
For now.
“I’m worried about Nadakhan,” she started, opening her eyes again, “which I guess is obvious but…”
Jay didn’t say anything.
…
“He’s powerful and… I just don’t want to be forced to marry him.”
She looked at him briefly, but all he did was stare out at the ocean with a somewhat guilty expression. He seemed lost in thought, but still paying attention. She took it as an opportunity to keep speaking.
“We’ve lost so much, so
many
, and the thought of him winning…
ugh
. It makes my blood boil.”
“He hasn’t won.”
Nya blinked, he was finally staring at her. He seemed so sad, so broken. But then again, after everything that’s happened, who wouldn’t be?
“Not yet,” he glanced away nervously.
He didn’t appear to have much hope left in him. Neither did Nya. As much as she wanted to cheer him up, to tell him they’d win and defeat Nadakhan, she couldn’t lie to him. Lying was what got them here in the first place.
Honesty was a superpower she wished they both could harness.
“I hate turning my back, thinking he’ll be waiting for the perfect time to attack,” Nya sighed, bringing her knees back up to her chest, “I know he’s lurking out there, tracking us down, and it makes me uneasy.”
Jay nodded, closing his eyes briefly. He let in a sharp breath and cleared his throat, hoping to sound less hoarse.
“Can I ask you a favour?”
“Depends what it is.”
“He told me a lot while I was on the ship. Most of it bullshit, sure, but it had me thinking..” he refused eye contact, “can you be honest about me? About how I’ve been the last few weeks?”
Nya is taken back by the question. She might’ve expected it from someone else, but never Jay. He liked to protect his peace. He never usually cared about how others felt about him, which was why he was always unapologetically himself. Loud and proud. Though, if Nya was in his shoes, she’d likely ask the same thing. Everything had been hectic recently.
She was glad he asked. It meant she could be honest without feeling bad and if he was asking for full honesty while looking, well, how he did… he’d clearly spent a lot of his ‘naps’ thinking.
At least he was willing to hear her out. Hopefully this would be a turning point.
“And I mean, like, brutally honest. I think I need to hear it,” he added with a lighthearted chuckle. It was fake, of course.
She looked away from him, her eyes landing on the sun that was beginning to set before them. There was so much to say yet so little she wanted to tell him. The last thing she wanted was to make him feel worse. It was evident he was already blaming himself and if Nadakhan was whispering things into his ear 24/7, he was bound to be spiraling already. But if this was what he needed…
Nya needed to get it off her chest too.
She took a moment to think, being careful with her wording. The last thing they needed was a fall out, or an argument, or for Jay to think the worst of himself. After all, they needed to remain strong right now.
She took a deep breath, closing her eyes briefly before returning to look out into the horizon.
“...I hated you.”
She didn’t dare look at him.
“I hated you back on Tiger Widow Island. I didn’t really know how else to react. I mean, I felt betrayed.”
Jay nodded, glancing back down at his crossed legs.
“I was annoyed before, but I thought we’d resolved it that day outside the police station. You said you’d understood that I wasn’t interested and then… not even a few minutes later, you made the wishes.”
She felt the knot in her chest begin to cease.
“And I don’t fully blame you for the wishes.”
“You should.”
“I can’t,” Nya corrected him, “Nadakhan manipulated you.”
“I still made them.”
Nya stopped. He was right, she knew that, but that wasn’t the point of the conversation. It wasn’t clear to her whether he was looking for forgiveness or if he was being genuine or not, but she returned to the main topic as quickly as possible.
“I was mostly upset about the lying. It was never about me being in your reflection, if that’s what you were worried about, because it would be stupid to blame you over something you can’t control. I was upset because you weren’t honest. I was upset because even though you knew it’d happen, you still tried your best to
get
it to happen, even after I told you how I felt. To be completely honest, Jay, it… it was selfish.”
The two sat in silence for a minute, Jay waiting while Nya collected her thoughts. It was nice to get it off her chest, and since Jay had gone completely silent, it made her feel a little better about getting it all out.
“I know you better than you think so I know you were worried about my reaction, and what it meant for our friendship if I found out, but… I mean, I know it’s been a while since we were really… close… but I thought we were at least still good enough friends to be honest with each other about things like that. You never had to tell me straight away, obviously, but when everyone started disappearing and Nadakhan was targeting the team, you should’ve just come clean. It could’ve at least prevented anything else happening or anyone else disappearing.”
She dared to look at Jay and he didn’t seem any different. He just looked dumb and lost, his eyes fixed on the setting sun. She couldn’t quite tell if he was taking any of what she was saying in, or if he was just letting her get it all out and things would go back to normal, but it felt nice to get it all out in the open. And if he was listening, it felt nice knowing he was taking it all into consideration at least.
That knot in her chest was all but gone.
“You not taking accountability when Cole told the truth was the cherry on top of the cake,” she glanced away, letting out a small defeated sigh, “it was like you just doubled down and acted like you did nothing wrong.”
She let herself think for a minute, taking everything in. She’d never expected to be sat by the ocean on an island in the middle of nowhere, talking about how shit Jay had been to Jay himself. If Nya a few days ago knew, perhaps she’d convince herself against it, but now that she was here and doing it, she felt so much better.
She couldn’t speak for Jay though.
“None of that meant I wanted you to be taken away though. And whatever happened to you on that ship was not deserved at all,” she finally glanced at him again, “you made mistakes. We all do that sometimes, but… it’s still not an excuse for what you did. If you… understand what I’m saying.”
All she did was stare at him for a moment, watching as he blinked slowly, his eyes sad and dreary.
And he nodded.
He opened his mouth to say something, but he struggled, catching on his own breath. She gave him a moment to collect himself, staring at him with a patient gaze.
“I’m sorry.”
His voice was croaky and darker than usual, she could only imagine it was mostly due to the pain his throat was in - something to do with an injury from the MisFortune’s Keep - but she could tell how much it hurt him. She was grateful he listened.
“I don’t have a good excuse for any of it and you… were right,” he struggled, “I was selfish.”
“Not entirely,” she shrugged.
“No, don’t go back on it just to be nice. You have every right to be honest about it,” he told her, “I should’ve been honest. And I definitely shouldn’t have disregarded you. I’m really sorry. If I could take it all back, I would.”
Nya gave him a somewhat sweet smile - not that he could see it. She looked back out at the ocean, the sun turning the sky into a soft shade of orange and pink. Getting everything out in the open sure did make her feel better. Perhaps under any other circumstance, she’d think the setting was pretty. She’d be one hundred percent honest with Jay about her feelings if it didn’t mean going back on everything she’d just spoken about. Maybe in the future…
She let out a constricted breath, watching as the ocean water drifted further and further away from her.
“Both of you seem so convinced you see a future with me, but what voice do I have in all this?” Nya questioned, sounding a little hopeless, “all my life, I’ve been defined by someone else. First I was only known as Kai’s sister, then I was hidden in your shadow when all they saw in me was your girlfriend, and even when I tried to be Samurai X, Wu told me I had to become the water ninja.”
Jay looked at her with an understanding gaze, paying close attention as she spoke.
“All I want is to just be able to choose for myself,” she added quietly, “and for everyone to stop treating me like I’m some damsel in distress.”
When she glanced back at the man beside her, all he did was give her an apologetic, warm smile. It sure did make her feel better. Perhaps he couldn’t find the right words right now, which she understood, but it was evident he felt awful and wanted things to change for the better. Though, it was hard to tell if he properly understood just yet, she at least had hope it’d be better from now. Besides, this heart to heart had been a long time coming. Hopefully Jay would open up more soon too.
Nya returned the smile and let some fresh air into her lungs, hoping it’d fill her with some more joy.
“But right now, we have to worry most about Nadakhan because there’s no way in hell
he’s
gonna stop to think about what
I
want.”
Jay’s smile faded and he nodded, returning to looking out at the horizon. He seemed deep in thought again.
“Do you have any ideas on how to stop him? I’ve been trying to think of something but nothing has come to mind. At least nothing that’ll work anyway,” Nya wondered.
Jay thought for a moment, his brows furrowed slightly. Nya watched how puzzled he was. After a while, he shrugged.
“I can’t really think of anything.”
Nya gave him a warm smile. It was clear he was trying to keep a brave face. Now that they’d started to talk things out, they could be open about more things and that meant easily discussing plans. Hopefully Jay would become more talkative in time too.
For now though, they both could do with a pick-me up.
She got up onto her feet carefully, brushing herself off and turning to Jay with a light smile. She held a hand out to him, which left a somewhat puzzled expression on his pretty bruised face.
“Why don’t we go get some noodles and we can come up with ideas around the table?”
Jay glanced down at the hand in front of him, waiting for him to take it, but all he did was gaze back up at her soft expression and shook his head lightly.
“It’s okay, I think I’ll sit out here a bit longer.”
Nya was a little surprised, but couldn’t blame him. She knew how nice it was out here and this was the first time he’d been outside since arriving at the lighthouse. After what they’d just talked about, perhaps he needed some time to think. Nya knew that feeling all too well.
“Okay,” she told him softly, “let me know if you need anything.”
And she headed off up the stairs, glancing back every now and then to check on Jay. He remained sitting on the sand, watching the sunset, but now he’d brought his legs up to his chest and rested his chin on his knee.
There was something holding him back, she was sure of it. But since Nya had opened up to him, perhaps he’d be able to open up soon too. Whether it was about what Nadakhan had said to him on the ship, about what Nya had spoken about, or something else, she wasn’t sure, but Jay could never keep things to himself for all that long.
Hopefully he’d do what Nya did and open up about what was bothering him eventually. Hopefully Nya could learn to trust him again in time too.
Right now, they both just needed to think.