Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Private Chat: Nardo and Tello

Nardo: 

sends a selfie of himself lying upside-down on his bed and an exaggerated pout

Tello: 

It’s 3 a.m. Why would I be up?

Nardo: 

Because you’re you. You’re probably dissecting a toaster or something.

Tello: 

sends a typing dots GIF

For your information, I was NOT dissecting a toaster.

Nardo: 

😒

Tello:

It was a blender.

Nardo:

Knew it.

Tello:

Why are YOU up? Didn’t you say you were going to “reset your sleep schedule” for the hundredth time?

Nardo:

I did say that. But, you know, insomnia said lol nope.

Tello: 

Insomnia isn’t a sentient being.

Nardo: 

Feels like it is.

A really annoying little gremlin that lives rent-free in my brain.

Tello: 

You could always try meditating.

Nardo: 

Tried it. Got bored. Ended up thinking about whether ducks have regional accents.

Tello: 

…Do I even want to know how you got there?

Nardo: 

Probably not.

Tello: 

So you’re messaging me because you can’t sleep?

Nardo: 

Who else am I supposed to bother? Mikey talks in his sleep, Raph growls, and April would block me immediately.

Tello: 

And Usagi?

Nardo: 

He’s asleep like a normal person. And I want him to stay that way.

Tello: 

Wow. Actual consideration from you. I’m shocked.

Nardo: 

😑 Shut up.

Tello: 

So you’re saying I’m your last resort?

Nardo: 

Not “last resort,” more like…

Donnie’s the only one I trust to handle my middle-of-the-night nonsense.

Tello: 

🤔

Nardo: 

I’m serious! You’re good at keeping me distracted. You’re like a human fidget spinner.

Tello: 

That is both an insult and a compliment, and I don’t know how to feel about it.

Nardo: 

Feel flattered. It’s 3 a.m., and I’m giving you my undivided attention.

Tello: 

…Lucky me.

Nardo: 

You’re welcome. 😘

Tello: 

So what’s the plan, insomniac? Talk until you pass out?

Nardo: 

That’s the dream. But I’ll probably just make you laugh until you pretend to hate me again.

Tello: 

Pretend? Who says I’m pretending?

Nardo: 

sends a GIF of a cat rolling its eyes 

Oh, please. You love this.

Tello: 

Correction: I tolerate this. Big difference.

Nardo

Yeah, yeah. So, want to help me figure out if ducks have regional accents?

Tello: 

…This is going to be a long night, isn’t it?

Nardo: 

😏Buckle up, Jessie.

Group Chat: One Big Happy Family🌟

Casey #1 changed their name to Casey💪.

Casey #2 changed their name to CJ.

Casey💪: 

Ladies, gentlemen, and mutants of all kinds, I would like to announce that I have officially won the title of “The Casey.” 💪

CJ: 

This is a travesty.

Captain Dramatic changed their name to Neon_Leon💅

Neon_Leon💅: 

sends a clapping GIF 

Congrats to Casey, the One True Casey™.

CJ: 

I demand a rematch. 🥺

Casey💪: 

Nah. You already lost. Fair and square.

CJ: 

You shoved me into a dumpster!

Casey💪: 

Strategy. 💅

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

…CJ has a point. That feels a little unfair.

Casey💪: 

Babe. Whose side are you on?

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

Yours. Always.

Casey💪: 

That’s what I thought. Love you. 😘

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

sends a GIF of a cheering crowd 

Relationship goals.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

This chat is already insufferable.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

Can you all stop blowing up my phone? I’m at work.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Nope.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Nope.

Casey💪: 

Nope.

CJ: 

Nope.

Jello 💚: 

…Nope.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

😑 You’re all terrible.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Agreed.

Neon_Leon💅: 

You’re one to talk, Don-Tron. Didn’t you rename me “Captain Dramatic” last night?

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

And it fit perfectly. I was doing everyone a favor.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Oh, please. At least I don’t name my gadgets “Donnie 2.0” like some egomaniac.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Says the guy who won’t stop calling himself “the face man.”

Neon_Leon💅: 

I am the face man!

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

You’re the face of bad decisions.

Neon_Leon💅: 

And you’re the face of a nerd convention.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

OOOOHHHH!

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

Okay, okay, break it up, you two.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Why? You scared Donnie’s gonna lose?😏

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

 🤷 Scared? Of you? Laughable.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

Guys, seriously—

Neon_Leon💅: 

Shh, Raph. Let the grown-ups talk.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

snickers 

Nice one, Leo.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

…Great. Now you’re BOTH ganging up on me.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

I’m on your side, Raph!

And also Donnie’s. And Leo’s. And everyone’s.

Casey💪: 

Fight them, babe! You got this! 👊

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

Case, you’re not helping.

Casey💪: 

Sure I am. Motivation!

Jello 💚: 

This feels like a weird sitcom episode.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

I’m just here for the drama.

CJ: 

Same.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

My coworkers are going to think I’m texting a soap opera.🤦‍♂️

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

You are.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Raph, I love you, but you walked into this one.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Truly. A tactical error if I’ve ever seen one.

Casey💪: 

Babe, just headbutt them through the phone or something.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

…I hate this group chat.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

sends a GIF of someone laughing and crying

Bunny Boy🐇: 

Alright, I’m on break. Let the nonsense commence.

Neon_Leon💅: 

FINALLY. We’ve been waiting for you, Bunny Boy.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Did you bring snacks? Snacks are mandatory.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

…I’m at work, Mikey. At a pizza place. What kind of snacks do you think I have?

Casey💪: 

The edible kind. Send them to me.

CJ: 

Yeah, just mail a pizza. Totally normal.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

I’d eat pizza mail.

Jello💚: 

Same.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Same.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

You’re all disgusting.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

Okay, weirdos. Let me tell you about this customer. Creepiest guy I’ve dealt with all week.

Neon_Leon💅: 

What happened? 😡

Bunny Boy🐇: 

He wouldn’t stop hitting on me. Every time I tried to take his order, he’d say something gross and wink. 

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

EWWWW

Jello💚: 

Ick. Did you kick him out?

Bunny Boy🐇: 

Nah, I just kept it professional and handed him his pizza. He left eventually.

Neon_Leon💅: 

“Professional”? That’s it? You didn’t tell him to back off?

Bunny Boy🐇: 

What was I supposed to do? Dropkick him into the salad bar?

Neon_Leon💅: 

Yes

Sherlock_Corn🌽:

Ugh, I know how that feels. There was this guy at one of my old jobs who would not leave me alone. He’d just sit there for hours, pretending he “needed help.”

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Gross. What’d you do?

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Quit. That’s the only job I’ve ever left before I got fired.

Casey💪: 

That bad, huh?

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Yeah. Some people are just the worst.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Okay, but why are you so calm about this, Usagi? Someone hitting on you is NOT “no big deal.”

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

You sound jealous, Leo.😏

Neon_Leon💅: 

I am NOT jealous!

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

You sooooo are. 😏

Jello💚: 

Definitely jealous.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

Leo’s mad someone else likes Usagi. Love triangle vibes.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

Stop it. It’s not a big deal, Leo. Creepy people exist. You just ignore them.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Yeah, well, I don’t like it. If I was there, I’d have said something.

CJ: 

sends popcorn GIF 

Someone’s protective.

Casey💪: 

Oh, definitely.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

Honestly, Leo’s right. That guy should’ve been told to leave.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Thank you!

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Look at that. Raph and Leo, united by rage.

Jello💚: 

Adorable ❤️

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Anyway, I get it, Usagi. It’s not easy to stand up to those people sometimes. You don’t want to make a scene.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

Exactly. And I didn’t want to cause trouble for Hueso. It’s fine.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

If anyone gives you a hard time again, just let me know. I’ll swing by and give them the look.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

What’s “the look”?

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

sends a photo of Miles glaring dramatically into the camera

Casey💪: 

Weak. You need more menace.

CJ: 

Yeah, like THIS. 

sends a GIF of someone flipping a table

Bunny Boy🐇: 

…Are you all offering to fight random customers for me?

Neon_Leon💅: 

100%.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫:

No

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Absolutely.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Without question.

Casey💪: 

I’ll help. Just say the word.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

sigh Why are we like this?

Jello💚: 

Because we’re awesome.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

You’re all ridiculous. But thanks.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Anytime, Bunny Boy. Anytime. 😘

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

This chat feels like it’s descending into chaos again.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

You say that like it’s a bad thing.

CJ: 

It’s literally the point of this chat.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

Exactly. Embrace it, Don.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

I hate you all.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Love you too, Donnie! 😘

Casey💪: 

Babe, you should fight them. I’ll cheer you on.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

I’m not fighting anyone in this chat.

Casey💪: 

Coward.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

😂

Bunny Boy🐇: 

My break’s almost over. Can we maybe not blow up my phone while I’m working?

Neon_Leon💅: 

No promises.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

DEFINITELY no promises.

Jello💚: 

Good luck out there, Usagi. You’ve got a whole army backing you up if needed.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

Thanks. I’ll let you know if things get weird again.

Neon_Leon💅: 

You better.

CJ: 

This chat is pure chaos. I love it.

Casey💪: 

Same.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

🤦

Private Chat: Lee💙 and Honey Bunny💙

Lee💙:

Hey, are you really okay? Like, for real?💙

Honey Bunny💙: 

I told you, it’s fine, Leo.

Lee💙: 

Yeah, but… “fine” doesn’t usually mean fine.

Honey Bunny💙: 

Okay, maybe it bothered me a little. But it’s not the first time something like that’s happened.

Lee💙: 

Wait what?!

Honey Bunny💙: 

It’s just part of the job. Customer service always has a few creeps.

Lee💙: 

Usagi. That’s not okay.

Honey Bunny💙: 

I know it’s not okay, but it’s not something I can control.

Lee💙: 

You can tell Hueso. He wouldn’t let people like that stick around.

Honey Bunny💙: 

What’s he gonna do? Ban someone for being a jerk? That’s not realistic.

Lee💙: 

…I don’t like this. At all.

Honey Bunny💙: 

I know, Lee. But it’s just the reality of the job. It happens to everyone in this industry at some point.

Lee💙: 

It shouldn’t.

Honey Bunny💙: 

You’re sweet for caring, but I can handle it. Promise.

Lee💙: 

I’m not sweet; I’m pissed. This isn’t fair to you.

Honey Bunny💙: 

Life’s not fair, love.

Lee💙: 

Stop being all calm and wise about this. It’s annoying.

Honey Bunny💙: 

😂

Okay, so, funny story…

Lee💙: 

I don’t like where this is going.

Honey Bunny💙: 

The guy came back.

Lee💙: 

WHAT?!

Honey Bunny💙: 

Yeah, and he’s sitting in my section.

Lee💙: 

Usagi.

Honey Bunny💙: 

Relax, it’s fine.

Lee💙: 

IT IS NOT FINE.

Honey Bunny💙: 

He hasn’t said anything weird yet.

Lee💙: 

Yet?! Oh, that’s it. I’m portaling over.

Honey Bunny💙: 

Leo, no.

Lee💙: 

Leo, yes.

Honey Bunny💙: 

Leo, I mean it. Don’t. I’ll handle it.

Lee💙: 

…Too late.

Honey Bunny💙: 

What do you mean, “too late”?

LEO!!!!!

Group Chat: One Big Happy Family🌟

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

YO GUYS LOOK WHAT HUESO JUST SENT ME!!! I'M DYING!!! 😂

Sends video

The video opens with chaos already in progress. Leo is on top of a Lion Yokai, furiously punching him in the face while shouting profanities.

Leo (in the video): "YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST TALK TO PEOPLE LIKE THAT? YOU THINK YOU'RE FUNNY? SAY THAT AGAIN, YOU FUCKING BITCH!"

The Lion Yokai is trying to shield himself, but Leo doesn’t let up, landing another solid punch as the guy groans in pain. The camera pans slightly to reveal Usagi standing to the side, wide-eyed and absolutely speechless, clutching a pizza tray like a lifeline.

Hueso (in the background): "MICHELANGELO! PLEASE COME AND GET YOUR BROTHER!"

Jello💚: 

OMG WHAT DID I JUST WATCH?!

Casey💪: 

THAT WAS AMAZING.

CJ: 

HOLY CRAP, LEO.

Neon_Leon💅: 

HE RECORDED IT!?

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

BRO, YOU WENT FERAL. I CAN’T STOP WATCHING. 😂

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Wait. Wait. Is that the guy, Usagi?

Bunny Boy🐇: 

…Yes.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Leo, you absolute legend.👏 👏 👏 

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

sends a GIF of someone dramatically applauding

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

Leo, you can’t just go around beating up random customers!

Neon_Leon💅:

It wasn’t random! He deserved it!

Casey💪: 

FACTS. I’d have done the exact same thing.

CJ: 

Honestly? Same.

Jello 💚: 

I’m kinda with Leo on this one. That guy was gross.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

Okay, but now Leo’s getting yelled at by Hueso.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Worth it 😭 

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

What did Hueso say?

Bunny Boy🐇: 

Something about “no fighting in the restaurant” and “why do you know so many violent people.”

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

LMAO.

Casey💪:

He should’ve thanked Leo. Problem solved.

CJ: 

For real. Dude got what was coming to him.

Neon_Leon💅: 

THANK YOU. Finally, someone sees reason.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Oh, no one’s arguing with your “reason,” Leo. But you were… how do I put this? Unhinged.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Yeah, bro, you looked like Raph out there.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

Hey!

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

No offense, big guy. You’re terrifying in a good way.

Jello💚: 

Honestly, I didn’t know Leo had that in him. Usually, he’s all about “style.”

Neon_Leon💅: 

I did have style! Did you see that punch? Perfect form.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

That wasn’t “style,” Leo. That was pure rage.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

Righteous rage, though. He deserved it.

Casey💪: 

FACT. I don’t even care if it was over the top.

CJ: 

Same. Sometimes, a punch is the answer.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

Can we not encourage this behavior?

Casey💪: 

Oh, come on. You know it was awesome.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

…I’m not admitting anything.

Mystic_Mikey✨:  

😭That’s a yes.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Okay, but seriously, Leo. What was going through your head?

Neon_Leon💅: 

Easy. No one disrespects my boyfriend.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

AWWWWWWW.

Jello💚: 

That’s so cute, though.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

Lowkey romantic.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

You’re all ridiculous.🤦‍♂️

Neon_Leon💅: 

Don’t pretend you don’t like it, Bunny Boy. 😏

Casey💪: 

Leo’s officially my favorite person in this chat.

CJ: 

Excuse me?!

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

What  😭

Casey💪: 

What? He’s got good priorities.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

sends a dramatic sigh GIF 

This group gets more absurd by the day.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Agreed. But I’m here for it.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

SAME.

Jello💚: 

Same.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Good. Because if that guy ever comes back, round two’s on me.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

I’m going to lose my job.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

Not with Leo as your bodyguard.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

sends a GIF of someone flexing

Chapter Text

Private Chat: Don and Tim

Tim

Hey Don

I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything…

Hello???

Group Chat: Da Boyz

The Gay One: 

sends a GIF of a frog dancing 

“Me showing up late to work after stopping for Starbucks.”

The Mystic One: 

sends a GIF of a dog wearing sunglasses 

“Boss: ‘Why are you late?’ Me: ‘Traffic.’”

The Strong One: 

…What?

The Gay One: 

Oh, Raph. Sweet, simple Raph. 😭

The Mystic One: 

They’re MEMES, big guy. Iconic cultural art pieces.

The Strong One: 

…Art? That’s art to you?

The Gay One: 

It’s modern art.

The Strong One: 

It’s a frog and a dog. I don’t get it.

The Mystic One: 

RAPH 😩

The Gay One: 

Mikey, I don’t think he’s ready for this conversation.

The Mystic One: 

You’re right. Poor guy doesn’t even know.

The Strong One: 

Know what?!

The Gay One: 

sends a GIF of a guy shrugging dramatically

The Mystic One: 

“Raph realizing he’s the meme-less one of the group.”

The Strong One: 

😡

The Gay One: 

sends a GIF of SpongeBob saying “Are you mad?”

The Mystic One: 

“Mad because he doesn’t get the SpongeBob reference either.”

The Strong One: 

I hate both of you.

The Mystic One: 

Lies. You love us.

The Gay One: 

Anyway, Mikey. Meme battle?

The Mystic One: 

Oh, you’re on.

The Gay One: 

sends a GIF of a cat looking betrayed

“My face when someone eats my leftovers without asking.” 

The Mystic One: 

sends a GIF of a guy falling over dramatically

“Me trying to explain why I’m late even though it’s my fault.” 

The Strong One: 

??????

The Gay One: 

sends a photo of a confused-looking baby

“Raph trying to figure out what’s going on.” 

The Mystic One: 

sends a GIF of someone screaming “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T KNOW”

The Strong One: 

🤦‍♂️

The Smart One:

Could you two please move this nonsense to another group chat? Preferably one without me in it.

The Gay One: 

Don-Tron, you wound me 😱

The Mystic One: 

Yeah, Dee. You’re usually fine with our chaos.

The Strong One: 

You okay, Dee?

The Smart One: 

I’m fine. Just busy. Stop spamming me.

The Strong One: 

That didn’t sound fine.

The Smart One: 

I said I’m fine. Drop it, Raph.

The Gay One: 

Someone woke up on the wrong side of the lab table 🤷‍♂️

The Smart One: 

Oh, I’m sorry, Leo. Not all of us have the luxury of being useless and obnoxious all day.

The Mystic One: 

😮

The Strong One: 

Donnie, c’mon

The Gay One: 

…Okay.

The Smart One: 

Never mind. Forget I said anything.

The Strong One: 

Donnie, what’s going on? 

The Mystic One: 

Yeah, bro. That was way out of line.

The Smart One: 

I said drop it.

The Strong One: 

No.

The Mystic One: 

Definitely no.

The Gay One: 

Don’t worry about it, Raph. They’re right, I’m annoying.

The Mystic One: 

Leo

The Gay One: 

No, it’s fine.

The Gay One left the chat

The Mystic One: 

…Okay, what the heck just happened?

The Strong One: 

Donnie, you need to fix this.

The Smart One: 

I don’t need to fix anything.

The Strong One: 

Yes. You do.

Private Chat: Lee💙 & Honey Bunny💙

Lee💙: 

Hey.

Honey Bunny💙: 

Hey, love! ❤️

Guess what?

Lee💙: 

What?

Honey Bunny💙: 

I found the coolest article about sword techniques used by samurai in the Edo period. 

Did you know they had a specific stance for fighting on uneven ground? It’s called the hira-seigan-no-kamae, and it’s all about balance and precision. 

I’ve been practicing it during my breaks, and it feels amazing. Like, I can already tell it’ll help with my agility!

sends a selfie of himself in a training pose 

What do you think? Too dramatic? Or just dramatic enough?

Lee💙: 

Looks awesome. You’re a natural.👍

Honey Bunny💙: 

You’re just saying that because you’re biased.😂

Lee💙: 

Nope. 100% facts. You’re incredible.

Honey Bunny💙: 

You’re the best 😊

Okay, enough about me. How was your day?

Lee💙: 

Alright.

Honey Bunny💙: 

Just “alright”? Come on, Lee. Spill.

Lee💙: 

It’s nothing.

Honey Bunny💙: 

Love, don’t make me come over there and make you talk.

Lee💙: 

Fine. Donnie said something earlier, and it kind of sucked.

Honey Bunny💙: 

What did they say?

Lee💙: 

…They called me useless and obnoxious.

Honey Bunny💙: 

WHAT?!

Lee💙: 

It’s not a big deal. They were just upset.

Honey Bunny💙: 

No. That’s not okay. You are NOT useless or obnoxious.

Lee💙: 

Sometimes I am.🤷‍♂️

Honey Bunny💙: 

No, you’re not. Leo, you’re one of the most passionate, dedicated people I know. You’re a natural leader, and you care so much about everyone around you.

Donnie was out of line. They’re wrong. You’re amazing.

Lee💙: 

Thanks, Usa.

Honey Bunny💙: 

Anytime. You’re my favorite person, Leo. 

Don’t let anyone make you feel less than that.

Lee💙:

You’re the best, you know that?❤️❤️❤️

Honey Bunny💙: 

I try 😏

Lee💙: 

Love you.

Honey Bunny💙: 

Love you too, always.

Private Chat: Peanut Butter🥜 & Jelly🍇

Peanut Butter🥜: 

Yo, Dee! What’s going on?

Jelly🍇: 

Nothing. Why?

Peanut Butter🥜: 

sends a “don’t lie to me” GIF 

Because I know you, that’s why. You snapped at Leo earlier for no reason. Something’s up. Spill.

Jelly🍇: 

I’m fine.

Peanut Butter🥜: 

Oh, you’re fine? Okay. Guess I’ll just have to go full Doctor Delicate Touch on you.

Jelly🍇: 

You wouldn’t dare.

Peanut Butter🥜: 

I would.

Jelly🍇: 

…You’re insufferable.

Peanut Butter🥜: 

And you’re stalling. What’s wrong?

Jelly🍇: 

Fine. There’s… a person I’ve been talking to.

Peanut Butter🥜: 

Ooooh. Do tell.

Jelly🍇: 

It’s not like that. He’s just a friend. Well… he was a friend.

Peanut Butter🥜: 

What happened?

Jelly🍇: 

He said he doesn’t like being friends with me anymore.

Peanut Butter🥜: 

WHAT?! That’s awful! Why would he say that?

Jelly🍇: 

I don’t know. We’d been texting nonstop for months. I thought things were fine.

Peanut Butter🥜:

What was said before that? Like, word for word.

Jelly🍇: 

He asked me how I figured out I wasn’t straight.

Peanut Butter🥜: 

And you said…?

Jelly🍇: 

I’ve just always liked both. Never thought about it much.

Peanut Butter🥜: 

Sounds fair. Then what?

Jelly🍇: 

He said he thinks he’s pansexual.

Peanut Butter🥜: 

Ohhh, cool! And you congratulated him, right?

Jelly🍇: 

Scoff, of course. I told him it was great that he was figuring himself out.

Peanut Butter🥜: 

That sounds like a nice convo so far.

Jelly🍇: 

Then he said he had something else to tell me.

Peanut Butter🥜: 

Oh no.

Jelly🍇: 

He said he doesn’t like being friends with me.

Peanut Butter🥜: 

😂😂😂

Jelly🍇: 

Why are you laughing?!

Peanut Butter🥜: 

Oh my gosh, Dee. You’re so oblivious.

Jelly🍇: 

WHAT?! What are you talking about?!

Peanut Butter🥜: 

He doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you as a friend. He means he doesn’t want to JUST be friends.

Jelly🍇:

…

What?

Peanut Butter🥜: 

He LIKES you, Dee. Like likes you.

Jelly🍇: 

That makes no sense. Why would he…?

Peanut Butter🥜: 

Think about it! 

He just came out to you, told you he’s pan, and then said he doesn’t want to be friends anymore. 

It’s classic “I have a crush on you but don’t know how to say it” energy!

Jelly🍇: 

…Oh no.

Peanut Butter🥜: 

Yep. And you BLOCKED HIM.

Jelly🍇: 

I have to go.

Peanut Butter🥜:

Good luck, Dee!

Private Chat: Don and Tim

Don: 

TIMOTHY

TIMOTHY

TIMOTHY

Tim: 

Donnie, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have said anything.

Don: 

Hold on. Stop apologizing for a second.

Tim: 

…What?

Don: 

I thought you meant you didn’t want to be friends anymore. Like, at all.

Tim: 

WHAT?! No, no, no! That’s not what I meant at all!

Don: 

Well, you need to be more blunt, because that’s exactly how it came across.

Tim: 

Oh, crap. I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it that way. I just… didn’t know how else to say it.

Don: 

Clearly.

Tim: 

Okay. Blunt. Here goes.

Donnie, I like you.

Like, like like you. I’ve liked you for a while now, and I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. That’s what I meant when I said I didn’t like being just friends.

If I made things weird or ruined anything, I’m so, so sorry.

Don: 

I… don’t know how to respond to that.

Tim: 

That’s okay. You don’t have to say anything right now.

Don: 

No, I do. It’s just… complicated.

Tim:

Complicated how?

Don: 

You don’t know everything about me. There are… things about me that might change how you feel.

Tim: 

Donnie, I don’t care about anything like that. You’re my favorite person.

Don: 

I’m unsure how I feel towards you.

Tim: 

That’s okay. Take your time.

Don: 

You’re really okay with waiting?

Tim: 

Of course. As long as we’re still friends, I’m good.

Don: 

Thank you, Timothy.

Tim: 

Anytime, Donnie.

Private Chat: Nardo & Tello

Tello: 

I need to apologize.

For earlier. I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you. That was wrong, and I’m sorry.

Nardo: 

Oh. Uh, it’s okay.

Tello: 

No, it’s not. What I said was uncalled for, and I hurt you. That’s the last thing I ever want to do.

Nardo: 

Thanks, Dee. I appreciate it.

Tello: 

For the record, you’re not annoying. 

Nardo: 

Stop, you’re gonna make me cry.

Tello: 

Good.

Do you want to watch Jupiter Jim with me tonight?

Nardo: 

YES. Always.

Tello: 

Excellent. I’ll set up the projector.

Nardo: 

I’ll bring the snacks!

Tello: 

Make sure they’re not weird combinations this time.

Nardo: 

No promises. 😉

Private Chat: Don and Tim

Don: 

Yo, who this?

Tim: 

Donnie???

Don: 

Not Donnie.

Tim: 

What?

Don: 

It’s Leo. Donnie’s twin brother.

Tim: 

Oh! Donnie talks about you a lot.

Don: 

Really? What’s he been saying?😏

Tim: 

Sorry, lips are sealed.

Don: 

Rude 😭

Tim:

Anyway, why do you have Donnie’s phone?

Don: 

Oh, I stole it.

Tim: 

…What?

Don: 

Yeah, they fell asleep watching movies with me, so I grabbed their phone.

Tim: 

That’s such a weird sibling thing to do.

Don: 

You must be new here. This is peak sibling behavior.

Tim: 

I’ll take your word for it.😂

Don: 

Speaking of, who are you, "Tim"?

Tim: 

Just a friend of Donnie’s.

Don: 

A “friend”, huh?

Tim: 

…Yes?

Don: 

Interesting. I didn’t know Donnie had friends.

Tim: 

Ouch.

Don: 

So you must be special. 😉

Tim: 

…I’m just their friend.

Don: 

Oh, come on. You’re being all mysterious. Spill. How’d you meet?

Tim: 

We started texting after a random forum debate.

Don: 

Nerdy and intriguing. What do you two talk about?

Tim: 

Stuff.

Don: 

Wow, you’re good at this. So detailed.

Tim: 

🙄

Okay, fine. Mostly science, space, and tech stuff. Donnie’s ridiculously smart.

Don: 

Facts. They’re kind of a genius.

Tim: 

Kind of? More like totally.

Don: 

Aww, look at you, hyping up my sibling. You’re cute.

Tim: 

STOP.

Don: 

😭

Sorry, couldn’t resist. But seriously, you’re alright, Tim.

Tim: 

…Thanks? I think.

Don: 

Anytime. Donnie’ll probably freak when they find out I stole their phone, so I should go.

Tim: 

Please don’t get me in trouble.

Don: 

Don’t worry. I’m great at playing innocent. 😉 Later, Tim!

Tim: 

Later, Leo.

Group Chat: One Big Happy Family🌟

Neon_Leon💅: 

GUYS. YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT I FOUND OUT YESTERDAY.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Oh no. What now?

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

This better be good, Leo.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Donnie has a SECRET FRIEND.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

I don’t know what you’re talking about.😒

Neon_Leon💅: 

Don’t lie to me, Don-Tron. I KNOW.

Raph-a-roni🧸:

Wait, for real? Donnie has a friend?

CJ: 

You mean, like, a real one?

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Okay, rude.

Jello💚: 

I’m just shocked.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

Same.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

You’re all hilarious. 🙄

Leo, how do you even know this?

Neon_Leon💅: 

Ask Tim.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

LEO!!!!!

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

WAIT. Is this the same dude from yesterday?

Neon_Leon💅: 

Oh yeah, it is. And let me tell you, the story is chef’s kiss.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Spill.

Jello💚: 

Definitely spill.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

Donnie, what’s going on?

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Fine. I’ll explain.

There was… a misunderstanding.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

…What kind of misunderstanding?

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Tim said he didn’t like being friends with me. So I blocked him.

CJ: 

YIKES.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

WHAT?!

Casey💪: 

Wait, wait. There’s no way that’s the whole story.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Agreed. Why’d he say that?

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

He meant he didn’t like being “just friends.” As in, he likes me.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷:

AWWWWWW!

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

I didn’t realize it until Mikey pointed it out.

Sherlock_Corn🌽:

Dee, you idiot!😭

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

It’s NOT FUNNY.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

No, it’s hilarious.

CJ:

I’m crying.

Jello💚: 

Same.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Classic Donnie.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

Okay, but seriously, how do you feel about him?

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

…

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Donnie. Answer the question.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

I like him back. 

But

Jello💚: 

BUT?

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

He doesn’t know about the whole mutant turtle thing. If he found out, he’d never like me.

Casey💪: 

That’s ridiculous. I’m a human and dating a turtle. It’s not a big deal.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

She’s right. It shouldn’t matter.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Agreed. If Tim likes you, he likes you.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

Honestly, it’s better to be honest sooner rather than later.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Easy for all of you to say. You’re not the one risking rejection.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Dee, you’ll never know if you don’t tell him.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

😮‍💨Fine. But how do I even bring it up?

Neon_Leon💅: 

Start with, “Hey, I’m a mutant turtle. Cool, right?”

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

…You’re banned from this conversation.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Maybe ease into it. Test the waters first.

Casey💪: 

Or just be blunt.

CJ: 

Yeah, like, “Hey, Tim, you like me, right? Well, I’m a turtle.”

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

No, no. Donnie needs to go at their own pace.

Jello💚: 

Agreed. Just make sure he knows you’re being honest.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

And if he’s worth it, he’ll accept you for who you are.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

You got this, Dee! We’re all here for you!

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Thanks, everyone. I’ll figure it out.

Neon_Leon💅: 

And when you do, we want DETAILS.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

…No promises.

Chapter Text

Private Chat: Raphie and Cassie

Raphie: 

Hey, you still up?

Cassie: 

You’re asking me if I’m still up? Please, Raph. Do you even know me?

Raphie: 

Fair point.😂

Cassie: 

What’s up, big guy?

Raphie: 

Nothing much. Just wanted to talk to my favorite person.

Cassie:

You are such a sap.

Raphie: 

Maybe. But you love it.

Cassie: 

…Yeah, I do.

Raphie: 

So, how’s your night going?

Cassie: 

Better now that I’m talking to you.

Raphie: 

Aww, Cass. You trying to make me blush?

Cassie: 

Always.

Raphie: 

Well, mission accomplished.

Cassie: 

😏

Raphie: 

You know, I love when it’s just us like this.

Cassie: 

Yeah? Why’s that?

Raphie: 

Because you’re different. Softer.

Cassie: 

Tell anyone and I’ll fight you.

But you’re…easy to be around.

Raphie: 

Really?

Cassie: 

Yeah. You make me feel… safe. Like I don’t have to be tough all the time.

Raphie: 

You don’t, Cass. Not with me.❤️

Cassie: 

You’re the only one who gets to see this side of me, you know.

Raphie: 

I feel special.

Cassie: 

You should. You’re my soft spot, Raph.

Raphie: 

Cass, you’re gonna kill me with sweetness tonight.🫣

Cassie: 

Good. You deserve it.

Raphie: 

Well, for what it’s worth, you’re my soft spot too.

Cassie: 

…Okay, now I’m blushing.

Raphie: 

Mission accomplished. 😉

Cassie: 

Love you, big guy.❤️

Raphie: 

Love you too, Cass.

Group Chat: Team Rocket

(James: Leo, Jesise: Donnie, Meowth: Mikey)

James💙: 

sends a GIF of someone dramatically sipping tea 

So, Mikey, did Miles ever get back to you??

Meowth✨: 

Oh mi gosh! 

Nope! 

I told him he needs to stop working so much and let Peter help, but he’s all, “Noooo, I like my job.” 🙄

James💙: 

Honestly, I don’t know how he does it. If I had to fight villains alone all the time, I’d lose my mind.

Meowth✨: 

Same.

Jessie🎀: 

You two gossip more than anyone I’ve ever met.

James💙: 

And?😏

Meowth✨: 

It’s a lifestyle, Don-Tron. You wouldn’t understand.

Jessie🎀: 

🙄

Meowth✨: 

Anyway, Leo, how’s Usagi dealing with the “normal” customers?

James💙: 

Oh, you know, being perfect. Like always.

Jessie🎀: 

Gross.

James💙: 

Don’t be jealous. You’ve got Tim.

Jessie🎀:

…

Meowth✨: 

WAIT. Did you talk to him yet?!

Jessie🎀: 

No.

James💙:

DONNIE!!!!!!!

Meowth✨: 

What are you waiting for?!

Jessie🎀: 

I don’t know. The right moment?

James💙: 

The right moment is now.

Meowth✨: 

Yeah, what he said! Do it!

Jessie🎀: 

I don’t even know what to say.

James💙: 

“Hi, Tim, I like you too, but also, I’m a mutant turtle.”

Jessie🎀:

Stop😭

Meowth✨: 

Okay, how about this: Be honest. He deserves to know the truth, and you deserve someone who likes you for who you are.

James💙: 

For once, Mikey’s right.

Meowth✨: 

HEY.

Jessie🎀:

What if he freaks out?

James💙: 

Then he’s not worth it.

Meowth✨: 

Exactly. But you won’t know until you try.

Donnie. Do it.

James💙: 

Right now.

Jessie🎀: 

Fine. I’ll do it.😮‍💨

Meowth✨: 

sends a cheering GIF 

LET’S GOOOOO!

James💙: 

We’re so proud of you. Go get your guy.

Meowth✨: 

Think they’ll actually do it?

James💙: 

They better. I need the drama.

Private Chat: Don and Tim

Don: 

Hey.

Tim: 

Hey, Donnie! What’s up?

Don: 

Not much. Just… thinking about stuff.

You remember that mutant pig chef on TV a few weeks ago?

Tim: 

Oh yeah! Meat Sweats, right? That guy was wild. Why?

Don: 

Just curious. What’s your opinion on mutants?

Tim: 

Hm. Overall? No problem with them. I mean, the ones who cause chaos and wreck stuff are an issue, obviously, but most mutants seem fine to me.

Don: 

So… you wouldn’t, like, freak out if you knew someone who was a mutant?

Tim: 

Nope. Why? Do you know someone?

Don: 

…

Yes?

Tim: 

Okay. Cool.

Don: 

Actually, I have something to tell you.

Tim: 

Go for it.

Don:

I’m a mutant.

Tim: 

Oh. Okay.

Don: 

…That’s it? Just “okay”?

Tim: 

Yeah? Why wouldn’t it be?

Donnie, it doesn’t matter to me. You’re still you.

Don: 

But I’m a mutant turtle.

Tim: 

So? That doesn’t change how I feel about you.🤷‍♂️

Don: 

HOW ARE YOU SO CALM ABOUT THIS?!

Tim: 

Because it doesn’t matter! You’re still the same person I’ve been talking to for months.

Was this why you weren’t sure how to respond to me liking you?

Don: 

…Yes. I thought if you knew, it would change everything.

Tim: 

It changes nothing.

So, now that we’ve got that out of the way… Are you comfortable meeting up?

Don: 

…Yeah. I’d like that.

Tim: 

Awesome. Let me know when you’re free, and we’ll plan something.

Don: 

Okay. Thanks, Timothy.

Tim: 

Anytime, Donnie.

Group Chat: One Big Happy Family🌟

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Okay, I told him.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

TOLD HIM WHAT?!

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

SPILL IT, DONNIE.👀

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

I told Tim I’m a mutant.

Neon_Leon💅: 

WHAT DID HE SAY?!😱

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

Yeah, how’d he take it?

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

He was fine with it. Said it didn’t matter to him.

Jello💚: 

GO TIM!👏

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

I like this guy already.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Wait, wait. That’s amazing. Did you say anything else?

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

He asked if I wanted to hang out, and I said yes.

Neon_Leon💅: 

THE MEETING OF THE CENTURY.🎉

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

AWWWWW! THIS IS SO CUTE!

CJ: 

Finally, Donnie’s stepping into the world of romance.

Casey💪: 

My boy’s all grown up. 🤧

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Okay, but when are you hanging out? Details, Donnie. We need DETAILS.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

We haven’t figured that out yet.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Well, you better. And don’t be boring about it. No lab tours!

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Excuse me, a lab tour is an excellent first hangout idea.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Dee. NO.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Absolutely not.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷:

Hard pass.

Jello💚: 

Yeah, no offense, but maybe do something less… nerdy.

Neon_Leon💅: 

How about something fun, like a movie night or grabbing pizza?

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

You all act like I’m incapable of fun.🙄

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Because you are.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Because you totally are.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Donnie, I will PERSONALLY help you plan this if it means you don’t bore the poor guy to death.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

🤣

Don’t listen to them, Dee. Just be yourself. If he likes you, he’ll enjoy whatever you do.

Casey💪: 

Raph’s got a point.🤷‍♀️

CJ: 

Yeah, but let’s not test that theory too hard, okay?

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

You’re all impossible.😮‍💨

Neon_Leon💅: 

No, we’re just the best hype squad ever.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

FACTS.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

FACTS.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

Agreed. Now, go make us proud, Dee.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

I’ll think about it.

Neon_Leon💅:

Oh no. You don’t get to “think about it.” You’re DOING it.

Jello💚: 

And we expect updates.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

LOTS of updates.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

I regret telling you all anything.🤦

Neon_Leon💅:

TOO LATE NOW. WE’RE INVESTED.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

We ship it.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

HARD.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

Good luck, Dee. You’ve got this.👍

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

🖕

Neon_Leon💅: 

Aww, they’re embarrassed.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

SO CUTE.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Donnie’s gonna do great. I just know it.

Jello💚: 

Agreed.

Private Chat: Skittles & M&M’s

Skittles: 

Baby, you busy?

M&M’s: 

Hey, mi amor ❤️ 

Nah, just finished up a fight with Rhino.

Skittles: 

RHINO?! 

Baby, are you okay?!😖

M&M’s: 

Yeah, I’m good. A little banged up, but nothing serious.

Skittles: 

“A little banged up”? What does that mean? Did he throw you through buildings again?

M&M’s: 

…Maybe.

Skittles:

MILES

M&M’s: 

Mi amor, I’m fine. I swear.

Skittles: 

No, you’re not. I’m opening a portal.

M&M’s: 

Mikey, you don’t have to do that. I’m okay.

Skittles: 

I want to do it. You need to rest, and I want to take care of you.❤️

M&M’s: 

…Okay. If it’ll make you feel better.

Skittles: 

It will. Now sit tight. I’m coming over.

M&M’s: 

You’re the best, mi amor ❤️

Skittles: 

I know. 😉

Private Chat: Lee💙 & Honey Bunny💙

Honey Bunny💙: 

Leo, can you talk?

Lee💙: 

Always. What’s up? Everything okay?

Honey Bunny💙: 

No.

Lee💙: 

What happened?

Honey Bunny💙: 

I don’t know if I should say.

Lee💙: 

Usagi. It’s me. You can tell me anything.

Honey Bunny💙: 

Okay. You remember that Lion Yokai from a few days ago?

Lee💙: 

The one I beat the shit out of? Yeah, I remember. What about him?

Honey Bunny💙: 

He came back.

Lee💙: 

WHAT?! Usagi, are you okay? What did he do?

Honey Bunny💙: 

When I got off work tonight, I was walking home. It was late, and I was so tired. I wasn’t paying attention like I usually do.

He caught me off guard. Yanked me into an alley.

Lee💙: 

What the fuck did he do to you?!

Honey Bunny💙: 

I couldn’t move, Leo. I couldn’t even breathe. I don’t know why, but I was paralyzed.

He pinned me against the wall. Growling at me. I… I couldn’t think of anything but how scared I was.

Lee💙: 

Oh my god, Usa…

Honey Bunny💙: 

He started saying horrible things.

Lee💙: 

Like what?

Honey Bunny💙: 

Stuff about how good I looked… how he liked that I was squirming under him. 

Lee💙: 

That sick fuck.

Honey Bunny💙: 

He said he liked that I play hard to get. That he wanted to take me back to his place.

He started moving me along. I couldn’t stop him. I just… couldn’t.

Then his phone rang. He grumbled, pulled it out, and answered the call.

Lee💙: 

And then?

Honey Bunny💙: 

That was my chance. I ran. Took the long way home to make sure I wasn’t followed.

Lee💙:

I’m going to kill that motherfucker.

But, I’m glad you’re safe.

Honey Bunny💙: 

I can’t shake the feeling that he knows where I am.

Lee💙: 

He won’t. I’ll make sure of it.

Honey Bunny💙: 

Leo…

Lee💙: 

I’m serious, Usagi. That guy won’t lay a finger on you again. Not while I’m here.

Honey Bunny💙: 

Thank you, Lee.

Lee💙: 

Always. You’re my Bunny Boy. No one messes with you.

Honey Bunny💙: 

I don’t know what I’d do without you.

Lee💙: 

Lucky for you, you’ll never have to find out.

I’m portalling over now.

Private Chat: Nardo & Tello

Nardo: 

Donnie, you awake?

Tello: 

Unfortunately for you, yes. What do you need?

Nardo: 

Can you track down that Lion Yokai from the video?

Tello: 

The one you were beating up in the group chat? Yes. Why?

Nardo: 

He bothered Usa again.

Tello: 

Is Usagi okay?

Nardo: 

Yeah. I just got him to fall asleep.

Tello: 

Good. 

Not that I care.😒

Nardo: 

Sure you don’t.😏

Tello: 

Moving on. What exactly are you planning to do once I find this guy?

Nardo: 

I’m going to deal with him. Permanently.

Tello: 

Define “permanently.”

Nardo: 

Don’t worry about it. Just find him.

Tello: 

You’re lucky I’m used to your cryptic nonsense. Give me a few minutes.

Nardo: 

Thanks, Dee.

A few minutes later

Tello: 

Found him.

Nardo: 

Spill.

Tello: 

His name is Mishima Oshido. Low-rank gang member of the Masters of Barbarianism.

Nardo: 

Bruce’s gang? I thought they were only reptiles?

Tello: 

I guess they’re inducting other species for the lower ranks. He’s got a record too. Multiple sexual assault charges.

Nardo: 

Of fucking course he does. 

Tello: 

Oh, it gets worse. I’ve got his address. Sending it now.

Location Ping

Nardo: 

That’s all I need. Thanks.

Tello: 

Wait. Do you want backup?

Nardo: 

You volunteering?

Tello: 

Let’s just say I have a vested interest in this creep being dealt with.

Nardo: 

Good. We’ll go tomorrow, after Usagi wakes up and I make sure he’s okay.

Tello: 

Fine. But Leo?

Nardo: 

Yeah?

Tello: 

Don’t do anything too stupid.

Nardo: 

No promises.

Group Chat: Mad Dogz

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

Has anyone seen Leo or Donnie today?

Casey💪: 

Nope. They’ve been MIA all morning.

CJ: 

Same here. 

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Wait. That’s weird. Dee usually keeps me in the loop.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Donnie did mention they had an errand to run when I texted them earlier.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

An “errand”? What kind of errand?

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

That’s all they said. They didn’t give me any details.

CJ: 

Okay, but Leo’s gone too? That’s suspicious.

Casey💪: 

SUPER suspicious. They never do anything together without making a scene about it first.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

What if something’s wrong?

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

I’m officially worried.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Me too. They’re not answering their phones either.

CJ: 

What do we do?

Casey💪: 

We find them, obviously.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

How? They could be anywhere!

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

I’ll check the lair first. Maybe they left a clue or something.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Good idea. Keep us updated.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

If they’re in trouble, we’re gonna need a plan.

CJ: 

Agreed. Something feels off.

Casey💪: 

Very off.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

I’ll let you know as soon as I find anything.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Chill, everyone. We’re fine.

Casey💪: 

Where have you and Donnie been?!

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Yeah, bro! I was picturing the worst!

Neon_Leon💅: 

Relax. We were just taking care of something.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

What “something”?

Neon_Leon💅: 

Don’t worry about it.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Seriously, it’s not a big deal.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

…You’re both being suspicious.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

I was really worried, guys. You need to say where you’re going next time.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Okay, okay. We’re sorry.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Yes, apologies, Raph.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Still doesn’t explain what you were doing.🤨

Neon_Leon💅: 

Ugh, fine. We dealt with that Lion Yokai.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

YOU KILLED HIM?!

Neon_Leon💅: 

No, April. Chill. Nobody died.😭

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

We just… maimed him a bit.

Casey💪: 

That dude got what was coming to him.💀

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

What exactly did you do? Actually, don’t tell me. 

No, wait, tell me. No—never mind.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Why though? What did he do? Did he bother Usagi again?

Neon_Leon💅: 

Yeah.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

That creep!

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

He’s not going to bother anyone anymore.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

What do you mean?

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

We broke a few bones… and Leo portal chopped his dick off.

Casey💪: 

PORTAL CHOPPED HIS DICK?! I CAN’T. I’M DYING.

😭😭😭

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Okay, I didn’t think I’d laugh, but wow.😦

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

LEO. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

🤣🤣🤣

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

I can’t believe I’m related to you two.🫣

CJ: 

You know, Future Leo did something similar once.

Neon_Leon💅: 

…Wait, what? Details, CJ!

CJ: 

It’s classified.🤷‍♂️

Casey💪: 

STILL CACKLING

PORTAL CHOPPED HIS DICK. 

I’M NEVER LETTING THIS GO.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

I mean that guy deserved it.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

So, does Usagi know?

Neon_Leon💅: 

Nope.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Maybe you should tell him. It might make him feel better knowing you handled it.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Yeah, maybe.

Casey💪: 

Bro, you’re a legend.

Private Chat: Lee💙 and Honey Bunny💙

Lee💙: 

Hey, pretty boy. How are you feeling?

Honey Bunny💙: 

Still a bit shaken up. Paranoid, I guess.

Lee💙: 

You don’t have to worry anymore. Donnie and I took care of the Lion.

Honey Bunny💙: 

What do you mean “took care of”?

Lee💙: 

We broke a few bones… and I portal chopped his dick off.

Honey Bunny💙: 

…

WAIT. WHAT.

Lee💙: 

You heard me.

Honey Bunny💙: 

😭😭😭

LEO, WHAT THE FUCK!?

Portal chopped his dick off?! That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard!

Lee💙: 

I aim to please.

Honey Bunny💙: 

Okay, wait. I have to know, where did the other side of the portal go?

Lee💙: 

A volcano.

Honey Bunny💙: 

A VOLCANO?!

HOLY FUCK 😭

That’s incredible. Thank you, Leo.

Lee💙: 

Anytime. I wasn’t going to let that creep get away with hurting you.

Honey Bunny💙: 

❤️❤️❤️

But why was Donnie involved?

Lee💙: 

Honestly? Donnie cares about you more than they let on.

Honey Bunny💙: 

Really?

Lee💙: 

Yeah. When I told them I needed to track the Lion down, they got really pissed. Wanted to help.

Honey Bunny💙: 

That’s… really sweet. I didn’t think Donnie liked me much.

Lee💙: 

They act all aloof, but trust me, they like you.

Honey Bunny💙: 

Can I have their number? I want to thank them.

Lee💙: 

xxx-xxx-xxxx

Just don’t tell them I said anything about them liking you.

Honey Bunny💙: 

No promises.😉

Private Chat: Usagi and Donatello

Usagi: 

Hey, Donnie. It’s Usagi. Just wanted to say thanks for helping Leo take care of that Lion Yokai.

Donatello changed Usagi’s name to “ Fuckwad🐇”

Fuckwad🐇: 

…Seriously?

Fuckwad🐇 changed Donatello’s name to “ Dipshit🐢”

Dipshit🐢: 

Cute.

Fuckwad🐇: 

You started it.

Dipshit🐢: 

Consider it my way of saying “you’re welcome.”

Fuckwad🐇: 

Oh, how thoughtful.

Dipshit🐢: 

It’s a gift. Don’t get used to it.

Fuckwad🐇: 

Don’t worry, I won’t.

Dipshit🐢: 

Good.

Fuckwad🐇: 

But seriously, thank you.

Dipshit🐢: 

Fine. You’re welcome.

Fuckwad🐇: 

You know, Leo told me you don’t actually hate me.

Dipshit🐢: 

Oh, he did, did he?😒

Fuckwad🐇: 

Yep. Said you actually care about me.

Dipshit🐢: 

That idiot can’t keep his mouth shut.🤦

Fuckwad🐇: 

I think it’s sweet.

Dipshit🐢: 

I’m going to kill Leo.

Fuckwad🐇: 

Don’t kill him. Then who would I have to tease about being overly dramatic?

Dipshit🐢: 

You can focus all that energy on me. Clearly, you’ve got enough of it, fuckwad.

Fuckwad🐇: 

Oh, don’t tempt me, Dipshit.

Dipshit🐢: 

I’m leaving. I need to find Leo and yell at him.

Fuckwad🐇: 

Sure, sure. Have fun, Dipshit.

Dipshit🐢: 

🖕

Chapter Text

Private Chat: Don and Tim

Tim: 

Hey, Donnie!

Don: 

Hey, Timothy.

Tim: 

Just wanted to say I had a really fun time on our date today.

Don: 

Our date?

Tim: 

Yeah?

Don: 

I thought we were just hanging out.

Tim: 

Oh... 

I thought it was obvious when I asked you to hang out that I meant as a date.

Don: 

Timothy, we’ve been over this. You have to be more blunt!🤦

Tim: 

Sorry! I didn’t mean to confuse you.

Don: 

Don’t apologize. I… I’m glad it was a date.

Tim: 

Really?🤭

Don: 

Yes. 

I, uh, I had a lot of fun too.

Tim: 

I’m glad<3

What’d you think of the movie?

Don: 

It was… quite entertaining. Tails is the best character.

Tim: 

YES! I knew you’d like it!😁

Don: 

You were very enthusiastic about it. It’s hard not to enjoy something when you’re so passionate.

Tim: 

That’s so sweet.😊

Hey, if you’re interested, you could come over to my place sometime. We could watch the first two movies together!

Don: 

I’d… like that.

Tim: 

Awesome! We can marathon them, and I’ll even make popcorn.

Don: 

Sounds good. I enjoy listening to you talk about things you like.

Tim: 

Stop, you’re gonna make me melt.😭

Don: 

Talk to you tomorrow?

Tim: 

Can’t wait. Goodnight, Donnie.<3

Don: 

Goodnight, Timothy.<3

Group Chat: Mad Dogz

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

So… Tim and I went on a date.

Neon_Leon💅: 

FINALLY!👏👏👏

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Donnie, that’s amazing!

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

sends a confetti GIF 

YAAAAY DEE!!!

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

Proud of you, Donnie.❤️

Casey💪: 

LET’S GOOOOO!

CJ: 

The romance arc continues.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Okay, DETAILS. What did you do?!

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

We went to see Sonic 3.

Neon_Leon💅: 

WHAT?! 

I wanted to see that! Mikey, we’re going.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

I’m down.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Forget Leo and Mikey. Back to you, Donnie. How was it?!

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

It was fine. We just watched the movie.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Noooo, there has to be more! What else?!

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Yeah, spill!

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

There wasn’t anything else! 

I didn’t even know it was a date until afterwards.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Classic Donnie😭😭😭

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Come on, there had to be something!

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Fine. I thought it was cute when Tim got super excited about the popcorn bucket I bought him. It had all the characters on it.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

THAT’S ADORABLE.😍

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

SO CUTE.😩

Neon_Leon💅: 

Wow, Don-Tron. Getting all mushy.🤮

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Really, Leo? You’re mocking me? Need I remind you of how you acted with Usagi in the beginning?

Neon_Leon💅: 

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Oh, really? Let’s recall the time you panicked for twenty minutes because you thought his ears looked extra cute one day and couldn’t figure out how to compliment him without sounding weird.

Neon_Leon💅: 

THAT WAS ONE TIME.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

You’re not living that down, Leo.😭

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Never.

Casey💪: 

Iconic.

CJ: 

Truly legendary.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

This group gets more ridiculous by the day.😮‍💨

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

And you love us for it!

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

Yeah, I do.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Anyway, Donnie, we need updates on date number two.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Who said there’s going to be a date number two?

Neon_Leon💅: 

Oh, please. It’s happening.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

And we’ll be waiting for the details!

Casey💪:

LET’S GOOOOOOO!🥳

Private Chat: Skittles & M&M’s

Skittles: 

sends a screenshot from Instagram

The photo shows Miles with his arm around a blonde girl, both of them smiling brightly at the camera.

????????

M&M’s: 

Hey, mi amor. What’s up?

Skittles: 

What’s THIS?????

M&M’s: 

Oh, that? That’s just my friend, Gwen

Skittles: 

Just your friend? Really?

M&M’s: 

Yes. I promise. We’ve been friends for a while. It’s nothing.

Skittles: 

Are you sure about that?

M&M’s: 

Mi amor, come on. It’s not what you’re thinking.

Skittles: 

You mean it’s not you dating someone in your own dimension while stringing me along?

M&M’s: 

What? No! Mikey, that’s not it at all.

Skittles: 

Sure feels like it. If you want to break up, you could’ve just said so instead of sneaking around behind my back.

M&M’s: 

Mikey, stop. I’m not sneaking around!

Skittles: 

Oh, so I’m just supposed to believe that? After seeing this?

M&M’s: 

YES. Because it’s the truth!

Skittles:

You know what? Forget it. I’m done with this. I thought I meant something to you. Guess I was wrong.

M&M’s: 

That’s not fair! You’re not even listening to me.

Skittles: 

Why should I? You’ve clearly already moved on.

M&M’s: 

Mikey, that’s not true!

Skittles: 

Oh, I get it. You wanted something easy. Someone who wouldn’t call you out.

M&M’s: 

What the hell is that supposed to mean?!

Skittles: 

It means you’re a coward, Miles!

M&M’s:

You’re unbelievable. I try to explain, and you just throw this in my face?

Skittles: 

Maybe because your actions don’t match your words!

M&M’s: 

And maybe you’re too insecure to trust me!

Skittles: 

Well, maybe I have a reason to be insecure when my so-called boyfriend is all smiles with someone else!

M&M’s: 

And maybe I’m tired of walking on eggshells because you can’t handle me having friends!

Skittles:

Fuck off.

Private Chat: Sunshine☀️ and Starlight⭐

(Mikey: Sunshine☀️, Leo: Starlight⭐)

Sunshine☀️: 

Leo?

Starlight⭐: 

Yeah, I’m here. What’s up, Sunshine?

Sunshine☀️: 

I think Miles is done with me.

Starlight⭐: 

Wait, what? What happened?

Sunshine☀️: 

We had this huge argument. I thought he was cheating, but he wasn’t, and I don’t know, I just…

It’s all my fault!

Starlight⭐: 

Mikey, breathe. Start from the beginning.

Sunshine☀️: 

I saw this picture of him with his arm around this girl, and I got jealous.

Starlight⭐: 

Okay…

Sunshine☀️: 

And I accused him of cheating.

Starlight⭐: 

Mikey.🤦‍♂️

Sunshine☀️: 

I know! I know it was stupid!

Starlight⭐: 

Then what happened?

Sunshine☀️: 

He tried to explain, but I didn’t want to hear it. I said all this awful stuff, and then he got mad, and we started yelling, and now he’s gone.

He’s probably done with me.

Starlight⭐: 

Mikey, no. Miles loves you. He’s not going to leave over one stupid argument.

Sunshine☀️: 

But what if he does?

Starlight⭐: 

He won’t. If he wanted to be with someone else, he would’ve told you.

Sunshine☀️: 

You’re right. I know you’re right. I don’t even know why I got so upset in the first place.

Starlight⭐: 

Maybe because you care about him?

Sunshine☀️: 

No, it’s more than that. I’ve been emotional all day. The smallest thing sets me off.

Starlight⭐: 

Mikey, have you been taking your meds?

Sunshine☀️: 

…

Starlight⭐: 

Mikey.

Sunshine☀️: 

…No.

Starlight⭐: 

That’s why, Sunshine. Your hormones are all over the place.

Sunshine☀️: 

I forgot! Ugh, this is all my fault.

Starlight⭐: 

It’s not your fault. But you need to take your meds, Mikey. This isn’t good for you or your relationship.

Sunshine☀️: 

You’re right. I’ll take them now.

Starlight⭐: 

Good. And then, once you’ve calmed down, you need to talk to Miles.

Sunshine☀️:

What if he’s still mad?

Starlight⭐: 

Then you apologize. Tell him the truth. He’ll understand.

Sunshine☀️: 

Thanks, Leo. You’re the best.❤️

Starlight⭐: 

I know. ❤️

Private Chat: Skittles & M&M’s

Skittles: 

I’m really sorry. Please don’t be mad.

Okay. I get it. You don’t want to talk to me right now. That’s fair. But I need to explain.

I’m intersex. When I don’t take my hormonal medication, my estrogen levels spike, and it makes me super emotional and irrational.

I forgot to take them for the past few days.

I’m really sorry for the way I acted. You didn’t deserve that.

It’s not just that, though. I get insecure about us sometimes. Because we’re long-distance, and I don’t get to see you as much as I want to.

I guess I’m scared. Scared that one day you’ll decide this is too hard and leave me for someone you can see more often.

M&M’s: 

Mikey.

Skittles:

Yeah?

M&M’s: 

I get it. I really do. But you have to trust me. I wouldn’t cheat on you. Ever.

Skittles: 

I know. I really do. I was just… being dumb.

M&M’s: 

No, not dumb. Just human. Well, mutant. You know what I mean.

Skittles:

Yeah.

M&M’s: 

I’m sorry too. I’ve been so busy lately. I’ll cut out more time for you.

Skittles: 

You don’t have to do that. I just want you to be happy.

M&M’s: 

And I want you to be happy.

Skittles:

Thank you, baby.❤️

M&M’s: 

Always, mi amor.❤️

Skittles: 

I’m really, really sorry.

M&M’s: 

I know. And I forgive you. Let’s move past this, okay?

Skittles: 

Okay. I love you.

M&M’s: 

Love you too.

Wanna come over??

Skittles: 

Yes please.

Private Chat: Fuckwad🐇 & Dipshit🐢

Fuckwad🐇: 

sends a picture of a yellow-black ore

Do you know what this is?

Dipshit🐢: 

😦😦😦

WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT?!

Fuckwad🐇: 

Uh… in a cave I was exploring with Chizu, Gen, and Kitsune. Why?

Dipshit🐢: 

Usagi. That’s uranium.

Fuckwad🐇: 

…Is that bad?

Dipshit🐢: 

Well, let’s see. Is it radioactive? YES. Is it dangerous? ALSO YES.

Fuckwad🐇: 

Oh no. GEN TOUCHED IT.

Dipshit🐢: 

He’ll probably be fine… probably.🤷

Fuckwad🐇: 

DONNIE. THAT’S NOT REASSURING.

Dipshit🐢: 

Calm down. It depends on how long he was exposed and the uranium’s purity level.

Fuckwad🐇: 

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!

Dipshit🐢: 

Don’t worry, I’ll explain everything when I get there.

Fuckwad🐇: 

Wait, get here?

Dipshit🐢: 

Yes. Drop me your location.

Fuckwad🐇: 

sends a location ping

Dipshit🐢: 

Perfect. I’m grabbing Leo and portalling over. 

DON’T TOUCH THE URANIUM AGAIN.

Fuckwad🐇: 

Yeah, no problem. Believe me, I’m not going near it.

Dipshit🐢:

THIS IS AMAZING. URANIUM. I CAN’T WAIT TO STUDY IT.

Fuckwad🐇:

Donnie, please prioritize not letting my friend die over your science experiment.

Dipshit🐢: 

Fine, fine. But then I’m keeping the uranium.

Fuckwad🐇: 

DEAL. JUST HURRY.

Group Chat: One Big Happy Family🌟

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Ladies, gentlemen, and mutant beings of all kinds—WELCOME to the FIRST EVER One Big Happy Family™ Questionnaire Show! 🎉🎤

Neon_Leon💅: 

Oh no.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

What are you doing, Mikey?

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

I’m the host. Y’all are the contestants. Get ready for some spicy, hilarious, and mildly invasive questions. 👀

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

This is going to end badly.😮‍💨

Casey💪: 

Count me in.💪

CJ: 

Same. Let’s GOOO.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

Oh, this is gonna be good.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

Do I have to?

Neon_Leon💅: 

Yes, Bunny Boy, you do.😁

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

This is a waste of time.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Too bad, Dee. You’re playing. First question: WHO WAS YOUR FIRST CRUSH?

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Mikey, what kind of question is that?!

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

An important one. Spill.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Easy, Jupiter Jim. That man was the blueprint.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Why am I not surprised?🤦‍♀️

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

Uh… April.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

RAPH.

Casey💪: 

Honestly, same…

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

It was YEARS ago!

Wait what?!

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

OH MI GOSH 😭

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

…I’m flattered. I guess.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Can we skip this question?

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Nope! Cough it up, Don-Tron.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Atomic Lass, obviously.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Nah, c’mon, we all know that already. Give us another one.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

…Kendra.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Didn’t she try to steal all your tech?

Neon_Leon💅: 

DONNIE 😭

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Moving on…

Neon_Leon💅: 

Usa, how about you?

Bunny Boy🐇: 

Uh… my neighbor back home. She was really kind.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

April?

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Okay, hear me out, Batgirl.

Neon_Leon💅:

Nightwing is better, he got that cake.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

😭😭😭

The REAL Spider-Man🕷:

I’d rather skip this question.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

It can’t be that bad, baby.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷:

An old friend.

Neon_Leon💅:

Ooooo cryptic. Spill.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷:

She’s dead. I’d rather not talk about it…

Neon_Leon💅:

Shit, mb.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

I’m sorry…

Uh, Sunita, CJ, you guys still have to go.

Jello💚: 

Hmm, I’ve honestly never had one before April.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Awww, really? 

Jello💚: 

Really.

CJ:

I’ve never had one. No one really had time for that during the apocalypse. 

Neon_Leon💅:

Well, now you do!

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Okay, moving on. NEXT QUESTION: What’s the most EMBARRASSING thing you’ve ever done?

CJ: 

Accidentally walked into a pole because I was trying to show off to my dad.

Casey💪: 

You’re not alone. I tripped over my own hockey stick once during practice.

Jello💚: 

I sneezed on someone’s plate while sneaking through a restaurant.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

I slipped while web-swinging and landed in a dumpster full of diapers.

Neon_Leon💅: 

I don’t do embarrassing. I’m flawless.🤷‍♂️

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

sends a GIF of Leo tripping over a couch mid-battle 

Uh-huh. Sure, fearless leader.

Neon_Leon💅: 

That doesn’t count.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

I once tried to impress someone by lifting a car… and ended up accidentally throwing it.

Casey💪:

I remember that! 😭

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

How do you “accidentally” throw a car?!

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

My latest lab accident resulted in me turning purple for a week.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Wait, wait. How did we miss that?!

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

I HAVE PICTURES.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Delete them, or I’ll delete you.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Usa, you’ve been awfully quiet.

Bunny Boy🐇:

I once got a grape stuck up my nose…

Neon_Leon💅: 

WHAT THE FUCK!?😭

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

I don’t even have words.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

I slid down the stairs at school on my stomach. I got called Penguin for a month.

Jello💚: 

Oh no!😭

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Okay, next question: WHO IN THIS CHAT WOULD YOU TRUST WITH A SECRET?

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Raph.

Casey💪: 

CJ.

CJ: 

Casey.

Jello💚: 

Mikey.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

Mikey.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Usagi.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

Leo.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

April.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Everyone but Donnie.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

That’s fine. I wouldn’t trust YOU either.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Rude!

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Factual.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Okay, final question: WHO HAS THE WORST TASTE IN MOVIES?

Neon_Leon💅: 

Donnie. Hands down.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

HOW DARE YOU.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

It’s true, Donnie. You made us watch a four-hour documentary on dirt.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

Yeah, Don. That was rough.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

That documentary was FASCINATING.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Okay, folks. Mikey’s questions were cute and tame. But we’re adults—well, some of us—so let’s spice things up.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Oh, this should be good.😏

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Leo, please don’t.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

Leo, don’t make it weird.

Neon_Leon💅: 

It’s ME. Of course I’m making it weird. First question: HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU HAD YOUR FIRST KISS?

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Easy, 16.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

14…

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

I was 14. It was at a summer camp. A kid dared me, so I went for it.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

…Haven’t had one. 

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Same.

Neon_Leon💅: 

13.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

13!? 

LEO!

Bunny Boy🐇: 

LEO.🫣

15.

Casey💪: 

I was 15. It was super awkward. Her nose kept bumping into mine.

CJ: 

14… not the most romantic timing.

Jello💚: 

16, I tripped into someone, and our lips just… met. Super embarrassing.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Okay, okay. NEXT QUESTION: Where’s the most bizarre or embarrassing place you’ve made out with someone?

Minus Raph and Don, obvi.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT, LEO?!

Neon_Leon💅: 

A great one. Now, spill.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

…Okay, fine. In the back of a movie theater. Someone threw popcorn at us.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

CLASSIC.

Neon_Leon💅: 

In a storage closet at Señor Hueso’s restaurant.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

LEO. WHAT?!

Neon_Leon💅: 

Don’t worry, Usa. It wasn’t with you.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT BETTER.

Casey💪: 

Behind an ice hockey dugout after a big game. I thought no one could see us. I was wrong.

CJ: 

…In the shelter. It was awkward, but hey, it was the end of the world.

Jello💚: 

On top of a giant mushroom. Yokai territory is weird.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

In an alleyway.

Neon_Leon💅: 

NEXT QUESTION: What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done to impress someone you liked?

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Oh, I’ve got this one. I tripped while trying to walk past someone, spilled my drink all over them, and THEN said, “Guess I really made a splash.”

Casey💪:

That’s so bad it’s good.😭

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

The car incident.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

I attempted to bake cookies. They came out… more like hockey pucks.

Neon_Leon💅: 

You? In a kitchen? Wow, that’s love.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

I wrote someone a haiku. It was terrible, but they pretended to like it.

Jello💚: 

I disguised myself as a human to impress a crush. It melted halfway through.

CJ: 

I tried to sword fight to impress someone. Got my butt handed to me in under a minute.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

Oh, I drew a comic for a crush once. They thought it was cute, but I couldn’t even look at them after I handed it over.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

That’s adorable. I love you so much.

This was the best idea ever.

Neon_Leon💅: 

You’re welcome.

Chapter Text

Private Chat: Don and Tim

Tim:

Hey, Donnie. Thanks for making time for me today. I know you’re super busy.

Don:

What? I wasn’t busy at all. Who said I was busy? I totally didn’t clear my schedule for you.

Tim:

You’re cute when you lie.😏 

Don:

I’m not lying! 

And I’m not cute. Take that back immediately.

Tim:

Nope. You’re adorable. 🥰

Don:

Stop teasing me, Timothy!

Tim:

Okay, okay, I’ll stop. For now. You’re fun to fluster, though.

Don:

Actually… there’s something I wanted to ask you.

Tim:

Go on. You’ve got my attention.

Don:

Um, would you… want to be my boyfriend?

Tim:

WHAT?! YES! ABSOLUTELY YES!!! 😄💜  

You just made me the happiest guy alive, Don. 

You’re mine now. My partner.

Don:

Partner? I… I like that.

Tim changed Don's name to Don💜

Don💜 changed Tim's name to Tim💚

Don💜:
We’re so corny.

Tim💚:

But we’re adorable, right?

Don💜:

Whatever.

…Tim?

Tim💚:
Yeah?

Don💜:
I’m glad I asked.

Tim💚:
Me too, Don. Me too. 💜💚

Group Chat: One Big Happy Family🌟

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

I have a boyfriend.

Neon_Leon💅: 

WHAT?!

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

FINALLY!!!🎊

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Donnie, that’s AMAZING!

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

…Excuse me?

Casey💪: 

Wait, HOLD UP. This is BIG NEWS.

CJ: 

Totally didn’t see this one coming.

Jello💚: 

OMG

Bunny Boy🐇: 

Congratulations!

Neon_Leon💅: 

OH, WE HAVE TO ADD HIM.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Casey💪: 

I vote yes.

CJ: 

Same.

Jello💚: 

100% yes.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

I don’t see why not.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

He should totally meet us!

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

It’s happening, Donnie.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

I SWEAR

Neon_Leon💅 added Timothy to the chat

Timothy: 

…Uh, hi?

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

I’m going to kill you, Leo.

Neon_Leon💅: 

You’re welcome.

Timothy: 

What is this?😭

Neon_Leon💅: 

Welcome to the One Big Happy Family™ group chat. It’s basically the whole friend group. You’re gonna meet us all eventually, so I figured, why wait?

Timothy: 

Oh. Cool.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Hi, Tim! I’m April. Donnie’s totally awesome and not at all chaotic big sister.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

Yo! I’m Mikey, the favorite little sibling.

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

I’m Raph, Donnie’s favorite big sibling.

Neon_Leon💅:

No, I’m Donnie’s favorite big sibling!

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

You’re literally younger than me, Leon.

Neon_Leon💅:

Fuck you.

Jello💚: 

I’m Sunita! 

Casey💪: 

Casey. The cool one.

CJ: 

1. Future badass.

Timothy:

Uh…what?

CJ:

Long story.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷: 

Miles. Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

Timothy:

SPIDERMAN!? 

What 😭

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫:

Mikey’s boyfriend from another dimension.

Timothy:

I have so many questions…

Bunny Boy🐇: 

Usagi. Samurai extraordinaire.

Timothy:

Hello, nice to meet everyone!

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Leo, HOW DO YOU HAVE TIM’S NUMBER?!

Neon_Leon💅: 

Moving on!

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

So, Timothy. What are your intentions with my sibling?

Timothy: 

Uh… what?

Raph-a-roni🧸: 

You heard me. Are you serious about them?

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

RAPH, STOP.

Neon_Leon💅:

PFFFFT AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Raph, don’t scare him off.

Casey💪: 

No, let him cook.

Timothy: 

I’m serious about Donnie. I really like them.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

AWWWW.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

That’s so sweet!

Jello💚: 

Adorable.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Okay, but why though?

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

LEO.

Timothy: 

Honestly? Because they’re brilliant, kind, and just… incredible.

Bunny Boy🐇: 

That’s so nice 😭

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

Very nice.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷

How are you so chill with the amount of people in here?

I was freaking out when I was thrown into one of these lol.

Timothy: 

I mean, it’s a little nerve-wracking, yeah. But, Don talks about all of you all the time.

Neon_Leon💅: 

Donnie, you talk about us to him? That’s so mushy.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

Shut up.

Mystic_Mikey✨: 

That’s so cute!

Neon_Leon💅: 

You’re obsessed with us, Donnie. Just admit it.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

I’M LEAVING.

Sherlock_Corn🌽: 

No, you’re not.

Casey💪: 

We love you, Donnie!

Jello💚: 

And now we love Tim, too!

Timothy:

Thanks, everyone.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

I regret EVERYTHING.

Timothy:

Do you regret that username?

Neon_Leon💅:

OH SHIT

AHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫: 

…

Mystic_Mikey✨:

DAYUM

Private Chat: Raphie and Cassie

Raphie: 

Hey, you busy?

Cassie: 

For you? Never. What’s up, big guy?

Raphie: 

I was thinking… maybe we should plan a date.

Cassie:

About time. Got something in mind?

Raphie: 

Uh… not really. I was hoping you’d help me figure it out.😅

Cassie: 

You want me to plan the date?😏

Raphie: 

Not plan it just, you know, throw ideas out there.

Cassie: 

Hmm. Okay. How about something simple? 

Movie night? 

SPARRING?

Raphie: 

We do that all the time. I want to do something special.

Cassie:

Aww. Look at you, being all romantic.

Raphie:

🫣

Cassie: 

Okay, okay. How about this: We could go to the park, have a picnic in the Hidden City.

Raphie: 

That sounds nice.

Cassie: 

Yeah? We’ll pack some sandwiches, snacks, and maybe a thermos of hot chocolate.

Raphie: 

Don’t forget the strawberries. You love those.

Cassie: 

You remembered.

Raphie: 

Of course I did.❤️

Cassie:

Okay, so a picnic. But we need something fun to do while we’re there.

Raphie: 

Like what?

Cassie: 

Hmm… we could bring a frisbee or something?

Raphie: 

I might accidentally throw it into another zip code.

Cassie: 

True. What about a card game?

Raphie: 

You’re just gonna beat me at Uno again.

Cassie: 

Because I am the best!

Raphie: 

Fine, cards it is.

Cassie: 

Oh! We could also bring a little speaker and play music.

Raphie: 

Yeah, that’d be nice. I can make a playlist.

Cassie: 

You? Making a playlist?

Raphie: 

I can be thoughtful, you know.

Cassie: 

I know, baby. ❤️

Raphie: 

Okay, so, picnic, card games, music. Anything else?

Cassie: 

I think that’s perfect.

Raphie: 

You sure? I want it to be special.

Cassie: 

Raph, it’ll be special because I’ll be with you.

Raphie: 

You’re too sweet.

Cassie: 

You bring it out of me.

Raphie: 

Okay, I’ll pick you up Saturday afternoon. Sound good?

Cassie: 

Perfect. Can’t wait, big guy.

Raphie: 

Me neither. Love you, Cass.

Cassie: 

Love you too, Raphie. Always.

Private Chat: Fuckwad🐇 and Dipshit🐢

Fuckwad🐇

Hey, Donnie.

Dipshit🐢

What do you want, Usagi?

Fuckwad🐇

I need your help with something.

Dipshit🐢

That’s not ominous at all. What is it?

Fuckwad🐇

Leo and I have our two-year anniversary coming up in a few days, and I want to plan something special.

Dipshit🐢

…Why are you asking me for help?

Fuckwad🐇

Because you’re good at planning shit. And you know Leo better than anyone.

Dipshit🐢

Both true.

Fuckwad🐇

So, will you help me?

Dipshit🐢

Obviously. Not because I care or anything, but because I enjoy executing flawlessly designed plans.

Fuckwad🐇

Right . Anyway, I want it to be sentimental. Something meaningful.

Dipshit🐢

Sentimental, huh? That’s very on-brand for you two.

Fuckwad🐇

Can you just focus?

Dipshit🐢

Fine. What kind of vibe are you thinking? Romantic? Nostalgic? Dramatic?

Fuckwad🐇

Romantic and nostalgic, I guess? 

Oh, and one more thing: I need you to make sure Leo doesn’t plan anything.

Dipshit🐢

That’s easy. I’ll keep him occupied. He’s not subtle when he’s scheming.

Fuckwad🐇

Perfect. Okay, so here’s what I was thinking…

I want to do something outside. Something simple but nice. Maybe string up some fairy lights?

Dipshit🐢

Fairy lights. Of course. Leo’s going to eat that up. Where were you thinking?

Fuckwad🐇
Maybe in my courtyard? It’s private, and it has enough space for whatever we want to set up.

Dipshit🐢
Good choice. Keep going.

Fuckwad🐇

I’ll cook dinner for us, something I know he loves. Then we can end the night by watching Jupiter Jim on my laptop.

Dipshit🐢
Jupiter Jim. Naturally. And you’re sure you want to cook? You’re not terrible, but…

Fuckwad🐇
I’m better than Leo.

Dipshit🐢
Fair point.

Fuckwad🐇
What do you think? Too simple?

Dipshit🐢
No, it’s perfect. It’s sentimental, romantic, and very “you and Leo.” He’s going to love it.

Fuckwad🐇
You really think so?

Dipshit🐢
I know so. And if he doesn’t, I’ll remind him how lucky he is to have someone who goes to this much trouble for him.

Fuckwad🐇
Thanks, Donnie. You’re the best.

Dipshit🐢
I know. Just don’t tell anyone I helped. I have a reputation to uphold.

Fuckwad🐇
Your secret’s safe with me.

Chapter Text

Group Chat: Team Rocket

James💙
Donnie, I have a question, and I need you to answer it without being a little bitch about it.

Jessie🎀
That’s literally impossible, but go on.

James💙
…Fair. Anyway. Are you doing anything on the 10th?

Jessie🎀
The 10th? Why?🤔

James💙
No reason. No reason at all.

Meowth✨
That’s suspicious. That’s weird.

Jessie🎀
What’s happening on the 10th?

James💙
Nothing important.

Meowth✨
Leo, you’re the worst liar in this group chat and that’s saying something.

James💙
Rude.

Jessie🎀
Accurate .

James💙
Okay, fine! If you must know, it’s my two-year anniversary with Usagi.

Meowth✨
TWO YEARS?!

Jessie🎀
Oh my god, you two have been unbearable for TWO WHOLE YEARS?!

James💙
Excuse me, “unbearable”?! We are ICONIC.

Meowth✨
Yeah, yeah. So why were you asking if Donnie’s free?

James💙
…No reason.

Jessie🎀
Oh. My. God. You were going to ask me to help you plan something, weren’t you?

James💙
ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Jessie🎀
LEO .

James💙
OKAY, FINE! MAYBE!

Meowth✨
HOLD UP. LEO, DID YOU PLAN SOMETHING YET?

James💙
…Define “plan.”

Jessie🎀
YOU HAVEN’T PLANNED ANYTHING?!

James💙
I WAS GONNA WING IT!

Meowth✨
DUMBEST IDEA I’VE EVER HEARD.

Jessie🎀
Leo, I already know what Usagi is planning for your anniversary. It’s perfect. You will CRY.

James💙
Wait. WHAT?!

Jessie🎀
Oh yeah. He asked for my help.

James💙
AND YOU AGREED?!

Jessie🎀
Duh.

Meowth✨
Duh.

James💙
I can’t believe this. My twin, conspiring against me.

Jessie🎀
Leo. Do you want me to help you plan something or not?

James💙
Okay, fine. HELP ME. I CAN’T LOOK LIKE A FOOL ON MY ANNIVERSARY.

Meowth✨
Oh, buddy, I hate to break it to you… but you always look like a fool.

Jessie🎀
Facts. 

James💙
Not the point. Focus.

Jessie🎀
Alright, what’s your initial idea?

James💙
I was thinking… I portal him somewhere cool, we eat food, I tell him I love him a lot, and bam—romance achieved.

Meowth✨
Leo, that’s not bad, but it’s weak.🤦‍♂️

Jessie🎀
Lucky for you, I already know exactly what Usagi is planning.

James💙
Wait, WAIT. You’re gonna tell me what he’s doing?!

Jessie🎀
Laughs in evil scientist. No.

Meowth✨
DEAD .

James💙
DONNIE.

Jessie🎀
Nope. Can’t risk you messing it up. But I can make sure whatever you do doesn’t interfere with his plans.

James💙
Ugh, fine. I GUESS that’s fair.

Meowth✨
Alright, romance master Mikey reporting for duty! What’s the vibe, Leo? Fancy? Cozy? Emotional?

James💙
All of the above.

Jessie🎀
You cannot pull off fancy .😒

James💙
Rude.

Meowth✨
Ooooh, what if you took him on a mini date spree?

James💙
Go on.

Meowth✨
Like three mini dates throughout the day, all leading up to the big final date.

Jessie🎀
Okay, that’s not bad. We can work with that.

James💙
Hmm… okay. What about:
Morning: Surprise breakfast in bed. Delivered by yours truly via portal magic™.
Afternoon: We hit up an arcade. Let him beat me at stuff. (On purpose… maybe.)
Evening: The final date… which I still need to figure out.

Jessie🎀
Don’t bother with the final date. 

James💙
Why? Isn’t that the most important part??

Jessie🎀
Don’t worry about that.  

James💙
…Why do I feel like you’ve already planned this whole thing for me?

Jessie🎀
Because I have.

Meowth✨
Of course they have.

Jessie🎀
Alright, listen up. You’re going to portal Usagi to Japan, take him to some tourist areas, maybe a few shrines. 

Meowth✨
THAT’S PERFECT.

James💙
How did you know he liked Japan?

Jessie🎀
He talks about it all the time. He’s always wanted to go, just hasn’t been able to. I’m surprised you’ve never taken him. 

James💙
…

Jessie🎀
I know. I’m amazing.

James💙
Ugh. I hate when you’re right.

Meowth✨
Okay, but if you’re doing all that, how are you making sure it doesn’t mess with Usagi’s plans?

Jessie🎀
Oh, don’t worry. I made sure.

James💙
HOW?!

Jessie🎀
That’s classified.

James💙
DONNIE.

Jessie🎀
It’s fine, Leo. Trust me. Everything will work out perfectly .

James💙
…I don’t trust you, but I do want this to be perfect, so I’ll let it slide.

Meowth✨
I can’t believe we actually pulled off a functional plan for Leo.

Jessie🎀
It’s a miracle.

James💙
Okay, okay. Let’s make this happen.

Private Chat: Don💜 and Tim💚

Don💜
Hey, Timothy.

Tim💚
HEY, DONNIE! ❤️

Don💜
So, I was thinking… do you want to go on a date?

Tim💚
YES. WHEN. WHERE. WHAT ARE WE DOING.😁

Don💜
Calm down, I was going to tell you.

Tim💚
No calming down. Pure excitement. Tell me now.

Don💜
Alright, alright. There’s a dinosaur exhibit at the museum. Thought you might like that.

Tim💚
A DINOSAUR EXHIBIT?!
ARE YOU SERIOUS?!
DONNIE.
DINOSAURS.
MY FAVORITE THING EVER.

Don💜
I figured you’d like it.

Tim💚
LIKE IT? DONNIE, I LOVE IT.

Don💜
Yeah, I thought so.

Tim💚
OKAY OKAY OKAY BUT DONNIE, LISTEN
DO YOU KNOW HOW COOL DINOSAURS ARE???

Don💜
Yes, Timothy. I am aware.

Tim💚
BUT LIKE, REALLY THINK ABOUT IT.
THEY WERE GIANT REPTILES. THAT RULED THE EARTH.
FOR MILLIONS OF YEARS.

Don💜
Yes, that is how time works.

Tim💚
IGNORING YOUR SASS
OKAY, FAVORITE FACT:
DID YOU KNOW THE T. REX HAD BONE-CRUSHING BITE FORCE?!
LIKE, 8,000 POUNDS OF PRESSURE PER SQUARE INCH!!!
IT COULD BITE THROUGH A CAR.

Don💜
Impressive. Though, if I had a power-enhanced exosuit, I bet I could

Tim💚
NOPE. DONNIE. YOU COULD NOT OUT-BITE A T. REX.

Don💜
Not with that attitude.

Tim💚
ANYWAY
HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE SPINOSAURUS??
IT’S LIKE A T. REX, BUT LONGER, WEIRDER, AND IT SWAM!
A PREDATORY, SEMI-AQUATIC NIGHTMARE LIZARD.

Don💜
Nightmare lizard. Sounds delightful.

Tim💚
IT IS.
IT WAS LONGER THAN A BUS, DONNIE.
IMAGINE SWIMMING AND THEN BAM, SPINOSAURUS.

Don💜
I personally do not plan on swimming near prehistoric creatures.

Tim💚
WELL IF YOU EVER TIME-TRAVEL, AVOID THE CRETACEOUS.

Don💜
Noted .

Tim💚
OH, OH, AND THE VELOCIRAPTORS??
TINY. TINY LITTLE RAPTORS.
THEY WERE THE SIZE OF A TURKEY, DONNIE. A TURKEY.

Don💜
Hollywood lied to me.

Tim💚
YES. YES, IT DID.
JURASSIC PARK VELOCIRAPTORS ARE BASICALLY MADE-UP MONSTERS.
BUT REAL VELOCIRAPTORS? FEATHERED, SMART, AND STILL TERRIFYING.

Don💜
I admire their efficiency.

Tim💚
OH, YOU’D LOVE THEM. THEY WERE PACK HUNTERS. SUPER STRATEGIC.

Don💜
Now that I can respect.

Tim💚
RIGHT?!

Don💜
You’re cute when you nerd out.

Tim💚
STOP DISTRACTING ME WITH COMPLIMENTS.
I HAVE MORE DINOSAUR FACTS.

Don💜
Oh no. What a tragedy.

Tim💚
PREPARE YOURSELF.

Don💜
I’m ready. ❤️

For the next several minutes, Tim goes on a passionate rant about dinosaurs—facts, theories, cool tidbits, his favorite ones, the sheer awesomeness of paleontology. Donnie listens intently, fully engaged, responding with questions and affirmations, secretly loving how Tim lights up when he talks about things he enjoys.

Tim💚
Sorry, I kinda went off there.

Don💜
Don’t apologize. I like listening to you.

Tim💚
You’re too sweet.

Don💜
It’s just the truth.

Tim💚
Okay, okay. I’ve been talking forever. How was your day?

Don💜
Busy. I helped Leo and Usagi plan their anniversary.

Tim💚
Wait, separately or together?

Don💜
Separately. Had to make sure their plans didn’t clash.

Tim💚
That’s actually really sweet. You wanted to make sure they had a good time.

Don💜
…It was just logical planning.

Tim💚
Nah. You care.

Don💜
I do not.

Tim💚
Uh-huh. Sure, Dee .

Don💜
I hate you.

Tim💚
No, you don’t.

Don💜
No, I don’t.

Tim💚
You’re cute when you’re embarrassed.❤️

Don💜
We’re changing the subject. I’ll pick you up Friday for the museum.

Tim💚
Can’t wait!

Don💜
Me neither.

Private Chat: Fuckwad🐇 and Dipshit🐢

Dipshit🐢
I need a favor.

Fuckwad🐇
Oh? This should be good.

Dipshit🐢
I need to borrow your cloaking brooch.

Fuckwad🐇
Why?

Dipshit🐢
For my date with Tim.

Fuckwad🐇
WAIT. HOLD ON. STOP EVERYTHING. DID DONATELLO JUST ADMIT THEY’RE GOING ON A DATE?!

Dipshit🐢
Don’t be dramatic.🙄

Fuckwad🐇
I AM LITERALLY SHOCKED.

Dipshit🐢
It’s a simple request, Usagi. Yes or no?

Fuckwad🐇
Oh, I’ll lend it to you. But only because you helped with my anniversary.

Dipshit🐢
Acceptable.

Fuckwad🐇
But also because this is adorable.

Dipshit🐢
Don’t start.

Fuckwad🐇
Oh, I am starting. Look at you! All nervous and flustered about a date.

Dipshit🐢
I am not flustered. I am prepared .

Fuckwad🐇
Sure, sure. So prepared that you need to borrow my stuff.

Dipshit🐢
Listen here, rabbit, do you want me to return this brooch in one piece or not?

Fuckwad🐇
Alright, alright. I’ll stop.

Dipshit🐢
Good.

Fuckwad🐇
…But I am telling Leo about this.

Dipshit🐢
If you value your life, you won’t.

Fuckwad🐇
No promises, Dipshit .

Dipshit🐢
I hate you.🖕

Fuckwad🐇
No, you don’t.

Dipshit🐢
Fine. I don’t.

Fuckwad🐇
Good. Now go be cute with your boyfriend .

Dipshit🐢
I take it back. I do hate you.

Fuckwad🐇
Lies. Have fun on your date, Donnie.

Dipshit🐢
…Thanks, Usagi.

Private Chat: CJ & Leon

Leon
CJ?
I know you probably don’t want to talk right now, but I just want to make sure you’re okay.
You kinda… ran off.
Listen, about what happened, I’m not mad. You don’t have to be embarrassed.

CJ
…

Leon
It’s okay, I promise.

CJ
I didn’t mean to say it.

Leon
I figured.

CJ
It just slipped out. I wasn’t thinking.

Leon
CJ, it’s fine. Really. It just means… I was important to you in the future.

CJ
You were.

Leon
Want to talk about it?

CJ
…Not really.

Leon
That’s okay. But if you do want to, I’m here.

CJ
It’s just… weird.

Leon
Weird how?

CJ
You and Usagi were my dads.

Leon
Yeah. I kinda put that together.

CJ
Yeah.

Leon
How did that happen? I thought Cass was your mom??

CJ
When I was a toddler, Raph and Cassandra raised me.

Leon
Raph!?

CJ
Yeah. They were my parents first.

Leon
What happened?

CJ
When I was seven, our base was attacked.

Leon
…CJ.

CJ
Raph stayed behind to stall for everyone.
Cass refused to leave him.
She made you take me.
She trusted you.

Leon
CJ, I’m so sorry.

CJ
Yeah. Me too.

Leon
You don’t have to talk about it more if you don’t want to.

CJ
I think about it a lot.

Leon
Of course you do.

CJ
It never got easier. But you and Usagi… you kept me going.
So yeah. It just slipped out.

Leon
CJ, listen to me.
I don’t want to replace your Leo.
I know I’m not him.

CJ
I know.

Leon
But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.
If you need me, I’m here. Always.

CJ
…Thanks, Leo.

Leon
No problem, kid.

CJ
Did you just call me kid?

Leon
Noooooo?

CJ
You totally did.

Leon
Eh, you’re stuck with me now. You’re part of the family.

CJ
Yeah.

Leon
So, wanna hang out? Get your mind off things?

CJ
Yeah. That sounds good.

Group Chat: One Big Happy Family🌟

Neon_Leon💅
Babe, I miss your stupid handsome face. I hate being away from you. Also, I may or may not have stolen your hoodie because it smells like you. DON’T JUDGE ME.
…
WAIT.
DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE—

CJ
OH. MY. GOD.

Casey💪
LOOOOOOOOL

Bunny Boy🐇
LEO???

Sherlock_Corn🌽
OH, THIS IS GOLD.😭

Mystic_Mikey✨
THIS IS BETTER THAN TV.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫
I am going to vomit .

Jello💚
YOU STOLE HIS HOODIE?!

Timothy
I— I have no words.

Neon_Leon💅
I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO DIE MORE THAN I DO IN THIS MOMENT.

Bunny Boy🐇
…I think it’s sweet.

Neon_Leon💅
DO NOT ENABLE THIS.

CJ
Nah, nah, it’s adorable . Usagi, how do you feel knowing your boyfriend is a hoodie thief ?

Bunny Boy🐇
Honestly? I kinda like that he missed me that much.

Neon_Leon💅
STOP.

Sherlock_Corn🌽
HE’S BLUSHING. LEO, HE LIKES IT.

Mystic_Mikey✨
THE EMBARRASSMENT HAS BACKFIRED.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫
This is disgusting.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷
This is the funniest thing that’s ever happened in this group chat.

Jello💚
Leo, how are you feeling right now?

Neon_Leon💅
I AM GOING INTO WITNESS PROTECTION.

CJ
You can’t run from this.

Casey💪
We will NEVER let you live this down.

Neon_Leon💅
Usagi, block all of them. IMMEDIATELY.

Bunny Boy🐇
No promises.

Mystic_Mikey✨
WAITWAITWAIT—before we move on… LEO.

Neon_Leon💅
NO .

Sherlock_Corn🌽
Did you bury your face in the hoodie when you stole it?

Neon_Leon💅
I HATE YOU.

Casey💪
No, because imagine Leo dramatically clutching it like some tragic romance protagonist.

CJ
I bet he snuggled it.

Bunny Boy🐇
He did.

Neon_Leon💅
USAGI, HOW DARE YOU TURN AGAINST ME.

Jello💚
OH MY GOD HE DID.

The REAL Spider-Man🕷
LMAO THIS JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER.

Bootyyyshaker9000🔫
Leo, you are the cringiest romantic I have ever met.

Neon_Leon💅
I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS SLANDER.

CJ
It’s not slander if it’s true.

Sherlock_Corn🌽
This is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Neon_Leon💅
All of you are the worst. I am removing myself from this narrative.