Archive of Our Own ^beta

“We can still turn around.”

Buck spared a glance at his fiancé, he was staring out the window, his hand gripped tightly to Buck’s, and he was so effortlessly beautiful. It was unfair how naturally beautiful Eddie was. His cheeks were flushed from the cold, his eyes were dark and reflecting the passing christmas lights, and his hair was a little less perfect from the plane ride. He still looked perfect- the fucking bastard. 

Buck had gone through a phase of studying Greek mythology, after they had rescued someone who had been praying to Athena- the goddess -the entire time Buck and Eddie worked on getting them out of the car. Naturally, Buck deep dived. He learned a lot about the pantheon. He assigned each of the 118 crew members a god or goddess in his head. He dived into as many myths as he could. He read The Iliad and The Odyssey . By the end of his deep dive he had come to the conclusion that Eddie must have been sought out by Aphrodite in the past for his beauty. Maybe Ares killed him for it. Now Buck got to have Eddie, and for that he was thankful. 

Especially now, with dread seeping into his body like a cold ice, and pricking his skin with thorns demanding to be felt and heard. He knew he could at least handle it with Eddie by his side. Let the record show, he didn’t want to see his parents for the holiday. In fact, he was excited to spend it with his family. He had a plan. The three of them would go over to the Grant-Nash place on Christmas Eve, he would drink entirely too much eggnog, and then the three of them would go home. Buck would wake up at an ungodly hour to make breakfast. Then he and his boys would wear pajamas all day, watch shitty hallmark christmas movies, and finally Buck would make them dinner. 

That plan was blown to shit the minute his phone rang flashing his mother’s contact name. His parents had insisted he bring Eddie and Chris to Hershey for Christmas. They complained about how they never got to see him anymore, and that they hadn’t seen Eddie since Maddie’s wedding. In the end, they laid the guilt thick with pouts about not knowing they were dating and knowing even less about their engagement. What sealed the deal was their begging to bond with Chris. ‘He’s our grandchild now, Evan.’ Hardly . ‘We want to bond with him.’ They didn’t deserve it .  ‘We haven’t properly met him!’ That was the plan . 

In the end he had agreed after he talked it over with Eddie and Chris. It was really just to shut them up. To get his parents off his back. They weren’t really taking no for an answer. Chris was just excited to have Christmas with his dads, and he was probably hoping this holiday would go smoother than the last considering Thanksgiving at the Diaz household went very poorly. The fact that it was snowing in PA, and Chris never really got to see snow helped seal the deal. “We can’t,” Buck sighed. “I promised. They want to spend time with Chris.” 

They’ve had Chris back for a year. Eddie left for El Paso intending to mend things with his son, and living there for however long it took. It had killed Buck watching Eddie leave through the gates of the airport, and Eddie arrived in El Paso with a massive hole in his chest. Neither Chris nor Eddie really talked about what had gone down, but Buck knew it had gotten messy with Helena and Ramon. Threats were made. Tears were shed. Eddie had promised to try to get Chris to visit for holidays more often, so a year later at Thanksgiving he did exactly that with Buck by his side. 

If Buck were honest he had never seen a family fight like that. He’s only ever yelled at his own parents once, when he learned about Daniel, and why he was born in the first place. Other than that the Buckleys were a passive breed. Mean remarks made under breaths, and critiques that slashed giant holes disguised as unhelpful observations. The Diaz family boiled until someone finally exploded- usually Ramon or Eddie -then all bets were off as a screaming match ensued and someone left to go outside for a breather. (usually Eddie.) Then hours of someone giving- what Buck had learned -was the Diaz silent treatment. (again usually Eddie). 

They turned down the road that really hadn’t changed since the last time he had seen it. Houses were decorated to the nines, no doubt silently competing with one another, and it truly looked like they had stepped into some ‘Christmas Town’ from a Hallmark movie. If Buck already wasn’t happily engaged he’s half expecting some small town hunk with an enthusiastic christmas spirit to fall out of the sky at his feet in some far too clumsy accident. Let’s face it. He’d probably be some town handy man too. Good thing he had Eddie. Eddie’s glare could frighten Zeus away from Buck. 

 “Whoa,” Chris gasped, interrupting and yanking Buck out of his thoughts, and Buck spared him a glance in the rearview mirror. “All the houses are pretty. It’s like that light show we go to back home.” 

Buck glanced at a house that had a giant blow up polar bear, lights covering every inch of its lawn, and animatronic reindeer and santa waving from the top of the roof. Every tree and bush in her yard had some assortment of lights, and her sidewalk was lined in lit arches. “That’s Mrs. Rosa,” Buck said, pointing at the house. “Gotta be. She’s in competition with everyone on the street, and she demands to be the best decorated house for every holiday.”

“Wow,” Chris hummed. 

“I think you could give her a run for her money, bud,” Eddie said, smiling back at Chris. 

“I think I’d be less,” Chris considered his words carefully. “Tacky.”

Buck barked out a laugh, and Eddie snorted and shook his head. “Are your parents’ house decorated?” Chris asked. 

“Lower your expectations,” Buck sighed. “Maddie and I did most of the decorating when I was younger, and then when she moved away I did it. I don’t know how much they kept up with it.”

Buck’s blood turned to ice the minute he pulled into the driveway. As predicted his parents didn’t put in a lot of effort into the decorations. His parents’ house was decorated minimally. White lights streamed across the gutter, and a single lonely inflatable of a penguin dressed like santa. A few of the bushes had matching white lights. “Okay,” Buck took a deep breath, and Eddie squeezed his hand. “We got this.”

It really wouldn’t be so nerve wracking if Maddie was able to visit too, but Chim was working with B-shift (one of their guys was injured during a call, and Chim drew the short straw). Obviously Maddie didn’t want to leave her husband on Christmas. Not to mention traveling with two kids now would have been a nightmare. Especially by herself. Still, that meant that Buck was by himself to face his parents. Sure he had Eddie, but he wanted Eddie in good graces with his parents. “Buck,” Chris looked suddenly shy. “What do I call them?” 

Buck shifted in his seat to turn to look at him. “Whatever you want,” He said with a shrug. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Buckley to be polite.”

Chris made a noise of discontent. “Do they deserve my politeness?”  

“Probably not,” Eddie hummed. 

“Eddie,” Buck hissed, squeezing his hand. “You have to be nice to them.” 

Eddie shrugged. “I don’t have to do anything.” Buck spared him a glance, a pleading look, and Eddie sighed. “I will though, but only because I love you.” 

Chris pretended to retch. “Gross.” 

Eddie had his reasons for not liking the Buckley parents, the same reasons Chim had his own distaste for them, but Buck talked a lot more about them after they started dating. Having ‘boyfriend’ Buck let Eddie see a part of him that his parents had so fundamentally broken apart and left Buck seeking and searching. ‘Boyfriend’ Buck had been a whirlwind of emotions and affection, he was a man obsessed, and a little bit desperate. A little bit distrusting without even realizing it himself. It became increasingly clear why Buck’s past relationships (no matter how grateful Eddie was for it) never worked out. 

Buck was all in. Buck craved affection, needed constant reassurance even if he didn’t want to ask for it, and he got too into his head about relationships. He constantly was trying too hard, trying to earn the love he was given, and when that didn’t work he was left to self sabotage them. Luckily, Eddie knew how to handle Buck. He knew exactly what he needed, and loving Evan Buckley was the easiest thing he had ever done. 

“Gross?” Buck laughed. “What was it that I overheard you tell your girlfriend before the flight?” 

Chris’ cheeks burned and he shied away whining. Chris dating was sure to send both of his dads into an early grave, Eddie nearly had a heart attack giving him ‘the talk’, and Buck was no better listening from the hallway. He met a nice girl in his chess club, it was a sweet, teenage thing, and surely wouldn't last through summer. Chris liked her. She was a good girl with good grades, so Buck and Eddie really couldn’t disapprove of the relationship. They tried to remind each other that Chris was young, fifteen was perfectly reasonable to have a real girlfriend, and truly it was just puppy love. Buck was good with that, Chris was growing up, and he was experiencing his first love.

 Until one morning, amongst a discussion at breakfast with the rest of the 118 team, Ravi casually mentioned that he was surprised they weren’t stricter with Chris dating considering Eddie got his girlfriend pregnant at eighteen and became a father at nineteen and lost his virginity at- and yeah the rest of the shift was spent with Buck and Eddie talking each other out of spirals. 

That all being said, Gabi was a nice girl, and Chris was positively smitten with her. She also allowed leverage, advantage, ammunition for embarrassing the teenager. Buck nudged Eddie with a shit-eating smile. “Something about being home soon?” Eddie asked, raising his eyebrows toward Buck. Buck snickered and nodded.

“I think there was even an ‘I love you so much’ in there.” 

“ Buck! Dad!” Chris whined. 

“Gross,” Buck and Eddie mocked in unison. 

Chris stuck his tongue out at them, and Buck looked over his shoulder and stuck his tongue out- very maturely. With a deep sigh, and a deep ache in his bones they got out of the car. Buck grabbed presents while Eddie grabbed suitcases, and Buck hesitated at the door. “We’ve got this,” Eddie said with a firm nod. “We’ve got your back.”

“Yeah, Buck.” Chris smiled. 

That was really all he needed to gather the dwindling courage to knock on the door. They waited a few minutes, shifting uncomfortably, and snow was still steadily falling. “Jesus,” Eddie muttered. “Why is it so fucking cold?”

“ Dad !” Chris hissed at his use of swearing. It was a fight and agreement that just because Chris was in fact fifteen that he wasn’t allowed to swear. At least not in front of them. In retaliation and because despite not being biologically Buck’s he was in fact Buck’s son. Chris negotiated that it was only fair for the two of them to also watch their own mouths. Because ‘clearly I learned the language somewhere.’

Eddie shook his head, and visibly shivered. “I’ll allow swearing for this.”

“It’s fucking cold,” Chris hissed. Eddie chuckled along with Buck who seemed rather unbothered despite having lived in California for the last several years. 

Buck knocked his shoulder with Eddie and smiled wide. “Welcome to Pennsylvania.”

The door swung open, and his parents stood there with tight smiles. Buck began to wonder why he even agreed to come home in the first place. “Evan!” His mother yanked him inside and pulled him into a tight hug, and then his father hugged him. It wasn’t like he was hugging his parents, but rather he was hugging strangers. Or distant relatives. They lacked the warmth that parents were supposed to carry, and instead they were cold and rigid in Buck;s arms. It was awkward. 

“Eddie it’s good to see you,” Philip smiled and shook his hand in a firm grip. Eddie sucked in a breath and sighed slowly. 

“Pleasure,” He said tightly. “I don’t think you’ve met Christopher.” He placed a firm hand on Chris’s shoulder, and Margaret and Philip smiled warmly at him. Christopher shook both of their hands. 

They were ushered into the house, and Buck tried to subtly look around. The house didn’t look the same, but the memories still stung under his ribs. He could hear the hushed arguments between his parents in the kitchen, he could hear his own voice frustratedly talking to them, he heard slamming doors, quiet sobs, and an echo of a child begging to be loved. The house was decorated, but it wasn’t the same way Buck and Maddie used to decorate. It wasn’t the same way Buck and Chris had decorated either. “We’ve made up the guest room down the hall,” Margaret said with a sweet tilt to her head. “We assumed that Christopher could sleep there considering-” Philip nudged her and gave her a look. The awkward insinuation hung thick in the air, and Buck bit his tongue the best he could. 

“When did we get a guest room down here?” Buck asked. 

“Oh,” Margaret grinned. “We’ve been remodeling! We’ve converted the parlour into a bedroom.”

Buck hummed. “I assume we’ll be taking my room?”

“Of course,” Philip nodded. 

“Alright, Bud. Let’s get you settled first.” Buck nudged Chris to start walking down the hallway. 

“Oh! Dinner will be ready in twenty!” Margaret called after them. 

Once they reached the room, Buck sighed, and Eddie looked around the room that was rather spacious for a guest room. “A parlor really?” Eddie asked with an exasperated expression. Buck only shrugged. 

“What’s a parlor?”  Chris asked as he heaved his suitcase onto the bed. 

“Second living room,” Eddie answered simply, and Buck wanted to protest but he really couldn’t. “Didn’t know I was marrying Ritchy Rich.” 

 Buck whined. “You know I don’t get a penny of their money.” 

Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck and kissed his cheek. “Until they die.” 

Buck groaned and leveled Eddie a look, tired, still pleading, and above all exhausted. “You’re setting a wonderful example for our son.” 

“I’m kidding,” Eddie grinned and then turned to Chris and muttered something in spanish. That only made Buck pout further. 

“Hey,” He pouted. “No secrets in spanish!”

“I told you to learn,” Eddie grinned. 

“I’m trying!” Buck protested. “I know some words!” 

Eddie hummed and raised his eyebrows at him. “Age appropriate ones? Fit for a fifteen year olds ears?”

“My therapist will hear about that one,” Chris gagged. Eddie reached over to ruffle his hair, but Chris ducked away from his hand and swatted his hand away. 

“I-” Buck floundered and he narrowed his eyes at Eddie. “You can sleep here tonight if you keep this up.” 

There was a slight edge to Buck’s voice, a sternness, but overrun with a fond undertone. Eddie frowned and shook his head like he was a petulant child. “Chris kicks in his sleep,” He groaned. “When we first moved to LA I was waking up with bruises everywhere , and I was actually worried you’d never sleep in your own bed and I was a destined punching bag.” 

Chris scoffed. “I was sleeping in your bed for you , Dad.” Right. He was too cool to admit he used to sleep with his Dad, even as a child. “ Obviously .”

“Right,” Eddie nodded. “Definitely not because you were convinced El Cucuy was after you despite not having a bad bone in your body.” 

Chris pinned Eddie with a sharp look of a teenager unimpressed. Buck bursted into a fit of giggles. “What’s El Cucuy?” 

“Mexican boogeyman,” Eddie shrugged. 

“Uhm scarier than the boogeyman,” Chris huffed. “It steals bad kids and eats them! Sharp teeth and claws!” 

Buck scrunched up his face. “Why would you tell your seven year old about that?” 

Eddie’s eyes nearly fall out of his head with the accusation. “I never told him the story!” He planted his hands on his hips. “Not intentionally. Not like my dad told me at four,” Eddie shuttered.

“Dad was watching the movie,” Chris explained. 

“Well you were supposed to be sleeping,” Eddie pointed out and then turned toward Buck. Chris only shrugged and Buck sighed while his chest bloomed with affection and love. 

“Alright,” He groaned and hooked his arm around Eddie’s. “Get settled. We’ll be upstairs getting settled too, but the kitchen is right past the stairs if you wanna go in there.” 

“Be nice,” Eddie warned. Christopher waved a dismissive hand as he plopped on the bed with his switch already in hand. “ and unpack .” He earned another wave of the hand and a grunt. 

~*~

Buck and Eddie walked up the stairs with Buck lugging their luggage. His childhood room was a ghost of how he remembered it. Once there had been movie posters, pictures of whatever actor or actress he was obsessed with, and trophies from the sports he had played. There had been chipped paint by the window where he had broken it sneaking out of it, there had been scratches on the walls from when he once was convinced he could make a squirrel a pet, and his closet door had been broken after he had fallen into it after jumping on his bed and tripping over his pillow. 

Now it was bare. Scratches fixed and covered with repainted walls, window brand new and no longer drafty, and new closet doors. The trophies he had left behind were gone, and the posters and pictures he had hung up were gone. His room was no longer his, and he tried not to think too hard about where his stuff had gone. Not all of it was trash, he had left clothes, drawings, trophies, medals, and all of his little knick knacks that he had collected over the years. Surely, his mother and father wouldn’t be as cruel as to throw away the polaroids that he had taken of his friends. 

Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck from behind, and he pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder. “What’re you thinking?” He whispered resting his forehead against the spot he had just kissed. 

“They’re turning my room into a guest room,” Buck whispered. Eddie nodded against him, and he waited to see if Buck would continue. “I guess that’s natural, right?”

Eddie hummed. He knew his parents hadn’t converted his room to a guest room, even when he married Shannon and moved out to start his own family, and he knew now that it was a mixture of he and Christopher. “You’re allowed to still feel hurt by it.”

Buck sniffed and bit at the inside of his cheek. “Yeah,” He agreed. “I wonder where all my stuff went.”

“Maybe the garage?” Eddie supplied and gently tapped Buck’s cheek to stop him from biting his cheek. Eddie was entirely too hopeful, thinking the Buckley’s cared enough to pack his things up and place it in the garage.

Buck nodded and even if he didn’t fully believe it, he agreed and turned around in his fiancé’s arms and kissed his forehead. “You’re probably right. They still have a lot of Daniel’s stuff in there according to Maddie.”

Eddie smiled and kissed him chastely. “Maybe we can go through it while we’re here? If there’s anything you want to take home?”

Buck smiled at that. He had moved in with Eddie a week into dating, and at Eddie’s request. After Buck was getting ready to head back to his loft after a few days' stay, he had been complaining about having to wash clothes, and how he needed to at least clean out his fridge. Eddie had grinned at him from where laid in bed, still not quite awake because Buck had let him sleep in, and he had taken Chris to school. He woke Eddie up with coffee and a danish from their favorite café. He took Buck by surprise when he had demanded- not asked -that Buck just move in already. Even at Buck’s worry and insistence it was too quick- too soon. Eddie had come up with very good reasons for him to bite the bullet, and if Eddie had used Chris against Buck claiming the kid liked- preferred having him around then that was between Eddie and his cheese danish. 

“Maybe,” Buck hummed. “I’d like to take some of my pictures home, maybe put them in a scrapbook or something. I think I have some old glow in the dark stars and constellations I had in my ceiling- do you think Chris would want those or are those cringe now?”

Eddie grinned and kissed him hard and slow. It was so easy to get lost in kissing Eddie. His lips were soft and pliant, Eddie always kissed with so much emotion and care, and it always made Buck feel so loved and warm all over. Buck had been surprised when Eddie claimed he never liked kissing anyone before Buck, and of course he pointed out that should have been a very obvious red flag for his heterosexuality.  “We gotta unpack,” Buck said when Eddie pulled back for a breath. Then they were kissing again, and Buck giggled against his mouth. “Babe,” He groaned. “Mom’s a stickler for prompt dinner times.”

Eddie pulled back with just a huff of annoyance. “Fine,” he conceded. They unpacked and stole kisses anyway. 

~*~

When they walked into the kitchen they were met with the sight of Chris at Philip’s side at the kitchen table talking quietly- politely. Chris was talking about a project he had coming up for the end of the year, and Buck’s chest ached with the way Philip seemed to actually take interest in Chris’ school work. He hadn’t been interested in Buck’s school adventures. No matter how hard Buck tried, he joined team after team trying to impress his dad, and he had joined clubs to try to grab his mother’s attention. He proudly came home with A’s on his history tests in hopes he’d get something from his parents. He never did though. At least they were better grandparents than they were parents. 

His mother was pulling something at the stove, it looked burnt, and it smelled too strongly of tuna. Eddie made a face and leaned in close to whisper to him. “What is that?” 

“I am so sorry for what you’re about to eat,” Buck whispered. “Mom thinks her casserole is famous.”

Eddie frowned. “It’s not good?”

Buck tilted his head. “Not unless you like eating wood chips and sawdust.”

Eddie sucked in a deep breath. “I do not.”

Buck saddled up next to his mom offering her a polite smile, “Can I help with anything?”

She waved a dismissive hand and frowned. “No,” She said bluntly. “I’d rather I just do it, get it right the first time.”

Buck took a slow deep breath and nodded slowly before stepping away. Eddie leaned over Chris’ shoulder no doubt whispering a reminder to be polite about the food. Christopher was still talking, and he tried really hard to not let his heart sink. 

Margaret served them, heaping piles of her ‘famous casserole’, and Buck watched as Eddie poked it before taking a tentative bite. He kicked Eddie under the table to control his face a little, the disgust evident in the way his mouth turned down, and his eyebrows scrunched up. Chris was far better. He hummed around the bite of food, and Buck wondered if maybe it was just his teenage hunger that made it taste good to him. 

“Eat up,” Margaret smiled. “I’m sure you boys are starving!” 

“We are,” Buck nodded. The food was bland. Far too bland for a tuna casserole, and Buck’s brain supplied different seasonings that would have really brought out the tuna. 

Margaret grinned at him. “Oh! Evan! We planned to go to the little christmas festival downtown tomorrow,” She said. “You used to love it when you were a kid.” 

Buck wasn’t entirely sure how she knew that. It had always been Maddie that took him to see the lights and the different booths that held hot chocolate, and then she’d take him ice skating and to the snowman building contest. Then they’d go be in awe of the ice sculpture contest. As far as he could remember his parents never went with them, Buck had never really understood it, but he never cared as long as Maddie went with him. Then Maddie left him to marry Doug, and still he went to the festival by himself. 

He liked the thought of taking his family to his old holiday stomping grounds, and he smiled at Eddie and Chris. “You guys will love it,” He said brightly. “Chris, wait until you see their light displays- they have this one that’s a giant display of Santa’s workshop. It's really cool.” 

Eddie grimaced. “Walking around in the cold?” 

Buck laughed and he felt his features soften. “You’ll be okay, Babe. They have hot chocolate and coffee!” Eddie didn’t seem convinced. “You’ll be fine ,” Buck stressed. “Chris, back me up.” 

“It’s Christmas!” Chris said around a mouthful of food which earned him several disapproving looks from several of the adults at the table. “Dad you just-” Chris was shaking his head and stabbing at his casserole. “Toughen up.” 

“Oh?” Eddie laughed, lifting his eyebrow up at his son. “I have to toughen up? Against the cold and snow?”

For a moment, Buck’s parents aren’t there anymore, and it’s just the three of them. They aren’t in Pennsylvania, but in California. They aren’t eating a shitty, bland, tuna casserole, but a deliciously made baked spaghetti. Love swarmed around them, curled around each of their bodies, and nestled its way into Buck’s heart. Buck felt warm. He felt loved watching his boys tease and argue, and when he met Eddie’s eyes across the table  and nothing else mattered. 

“Can’t handle the cold?” Margaret asked. It crashed through the fantasy right back into reality. Her tone was teasing, but there was a bite to her words. Eddie looked over at her, his smile was shown as polite, but Buck knew that smile. It was biting, and hiding back snarled teeth. 

Buck quickly caught his eyes, and he shook his head in a silent pleading don’t . “It doesn’t snow in El Paso,” Eddie shrugged. “California cold isn’t like this.” 

“The last heavy snowfall in El Paso was-” 

“-1987,” Chris and Eddie said in unison. Buck blushed. “You’ve told us a hundred times,” Chris said, acting annoyed. If it had been anyone else- had it not been Eddie and Chris finishing his sentence he would have felt embarrassed. Instead, a sticky honey oozed over his heart and encased it in a hard shell of warmth and love. Chris and Eddie listened to him. They remembered his facts. They loved him. 

“Well,” Buck waved a hand. “It’s kind of rare that it's snowing so much now. Given-” 

“Global warming?” Chris asked with a narrowed, heatless glare. Buck stuck his tongue out at him. Chris returned the gesture, and Philip made a noise surely about the maturity Buck was showing. 

“Hardly,” Philip chimed in, and Buck’s stomach churned. “I mean you don’t really believe that?” Buck tensed and nodded his head calmly, but before Philip could continue Margaret cleared her throat and shook her head. 

Dinner continued awkwardly, idly chatting with his parents asking Chris and Eddie questions, and Buck mostly staying quiet. It wasn’t until he noticed Chris toying with what was left of his casserole, he pushed it around on his plate with his fork, and stared at it as Eddie continued on about a story from his childhood. Buck leaned close to Chris and whispered, “All done?”

Chris nodded. “Can I be excused?” He whispered back. Buck smiled at him and ruffled his hair, and he nodded shooing him off toward the living room. Excusing Chris from the table was something Buck had done far before he and Eddie ever started dating. Chris got up which drew the attention of Margaret and Philip. “Thank you for dinner,” Chris said all too politely. 

“Oh!” Margaret grinned tightly. “Honey you barely ate!” 

Buck’s heart panged, his mother never really cared whether or not he ate, or she’d chime in about his much he was eating. It was never out of concern like it was for Chris. If anything, she criticized him for eating her out of house and home as if he wasn’t a teenage boy growing up, and then if he didn’t eat dinner it was met with a scoff and soft- underbreath -side comments. 

“Oh,” Chris mumbled, looking down at his plate. Buck already scooped his plate, and the rest of its contents onto his own. A habit he had picked up when Chris was little and always over estimating how much he could eat. Philip raised his eyebrows at that, and Buck briefly thought about burying himself in the snow. Chris needed back up so that took priority. 

“It’s okay,” Buck smiled at him. “You’re full, right Bud?”

“Yeah,” Chris nodded.

“It’s just-”

“Mom,” Buck said pointedly. “It’s fine, I said he could be excused.”

They all watched silently as Chris left to the living room to more than likely text his new girlfriend. Buck waited on a baited breath just to see if either of his parents wanted to continue the fight. “I just think it should have been his father to dismiss him,” Philip shrugged casually. 

“I am,” Buck stated. 

“His real father,” Philip clarified, and that hit Buck like a semi going 90 square into his chest. 

“He is,” Eddie said with more bite to his tone, his jaw squared and clenching as he stared down Philip daring him to continue. 

 “He’s a good kid,” Margaret grinned, shifting the conversation. Buck let out a breath and nodded in agreement. “He’s so smart too!” 

“He gets that from Shannon,” Eddie laughed, relaxed into his chair, and he looked over at Margaret offering her a soft smile. 

“You’re smart too,” Buck said pointedly. “Don’t sell yourself short.”

Eddie smiled sweetly, and grabbed his hand to squeeze it tightly. Margaret perked up in her seat, and Philip swirled his wine like he would rather be anywhere but at the table with his son and fiancé. “Shannon is his mother right? Where is she?”

Buck tensed and hissed, “Mom, I told you-”

Eddie squeezed Buck’s hand again. “She died a few years back,” Eddie stated, tightly and he chewed on his bottom lip. Buck knew Eddie hated talking about her, but not necessarily because he missed what he lost with her. He desperately wished she was still here. Buck knew that. She had been Eddie’s best friend for so many years. She knew him inside and out, and while they had hard times- there were times that Shannon was the only person he had. He once told Buck that he wished they could have met, and with a few stray tears shed he admitted that Shannon would have really liked Buck. 

Margaret gasped softly, “I am so sorry.”

“I told you,” Buck said softly.

When he had agreed he had sent his parents a list. 

topics to avoid 

• Shannon 

• her death 

• Eddie’s army time 

Margaret waved a dismissive hand, and Buck’s chest tightened as he watched his mother take interest in Eddie. It was sting to his heart, his parents barely wanted to look at him, but they were so interested in Eddie and Chris. Which was good. He wanted them to know each other. He still sought out their approval, so he wanted them to like Eddie. 

Still, they hadn’t even asked Buck how he was. They didn’t ask him about work. They didn’t ask about the accident he had a few months ago. Simply, Buck was there and not existing within their world. Like always, he was looking into a home he desperately wanted. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, swirled his wine in his glass like his father had done, and he took a slow sip wondering if he should disappear into his room like he used to when he was kid. 

Philip smiled at Eddie, something that seemed almost soft, but Buck didn’t believe that. “You’ve done a good job raising him.” Eddie’s face flushed and Buck smiled softly at him. He deserved the praise, he did a fantastic job raising Chris, and no matter the mistakes he had made Chris was a good kid. 

“I couldn’t have done it without Buck,” Eddie grinned. “He really helped me, and he has a way with Chris that I don’t think I’ll ever understand.”

Buck just knew how to negotiate. That was the only difference. His parents seemed to shift at the comment of Buck being a help, their smiles faltering for half a second, but Buck was well trained in searching his parents’ expressions. He knew they didn’t want to credit him; because that would be admitting he did something right, and in their eyes Evan Buckley was one fuck up after another. “I wasn’t aware that he helped so much,” Margaret said with a strained voice, like it pained her to say it. “Before you two started- you know .” 

Buck raised his eyebrows; because would it really kill her to admit they were dating- engaged. Eddie tilted his face in question with the lack of admitting they’re in fact together. He recovered quickly. He beamed at them, and then at his fiancé as he nodded enthusiastically. “Chris was seven when we moved here, and those two clicked almost instantly. He’s a good dad. Always has been.” 

Buck ducked his head and smiled in the way he only ever did when Eddie complimented him. He truly didn’t know if he’d ever get used to Eddie referring to him as Chris’ dad. Sure, Buck had been Chris’ second parent for quite some time, but it had always been this secret thing that neither ever wanted to acknowledge. It wasn’t until they were in the beginning of figuring out their shit, and Eddie had off-handedly mentioned that Buck was just as much of Chris’ dad as Eddie was. Buck had cried so hard that Eddie thought he was going to pass out. It was all he ever wanted. To be wanted. To be needed. To be loved. To have a family. 

Philip hummed. “Is that what you are to that boy?” Philip’s eyes are on Buck, a certain glint in them, and Buck sighed and nodded. He didn’t know how many times he’d have to say it before they’d believe it. 

“Well,” Margaret said with what sounded like a scoff. “I would have never thought you to be the type.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Buck asked, tilting his head to the side, big blue eyes wounded, and his chest was tightening and restricting his heart. Margaret tried to play it off, she tried to wave Buck off with a dismissive hand, but Buck was nothing if persistent. “Mom, what was that supposed to mean? You don’t think I’m a good dad?”

“It’s just a little odd, Evan. You’re flighty, irresponsible, and I- I mean this to no offense, Eddie -you’ve barely had a relationship that’s lasted longer than a year,” Margaret sighed like she was almost sad. “You expect me to believe you’ve been raising a child, and that you’ve been a good influence? Clearly you let him get away with too much.”

Buck was suddenly twelve again trapped at the dinner table with his parents, another failed math test displayed on the table, another injury added to his body, and another reminder that he could do nothing right in the eyes of his parents. He made their life harder. He made it hard to be loved. He didn’t deserve love. He felt an itch under his skin, it was hot, begging for his attention, and he wanted to fling himself out of a tree again. He wanted to pretend to be cutting the casserole and accidentally nick himself. A voice screamed at him inside his head, stuffed his skull, and he felt like throwing up. He had to earn the love he was given, it was never unconditional. 

“Now wait a minute,” Eddie’s voice dragged him back to reality, and his jaw was set with furrowed eyebrows. Buck caught himself mid spiral, and he tried to catch Eddie’s eyes. He wanted to reach for him, but felt frozen. 

“Eddie,” Buck said weakly. 

“If you raised him, why doesn’t he call you dad?” Philip asked. 

Buck shook his head and laughed dryly. His hands were shaking so he busied them by twirling the fork in his hand, and he bit at the inside of cheek until a coppery taste flooded his mouth. A breath shuddered out of him, and he whispered, “I wasn’t dating Eddie, I- I was just his best friend- Chris’ best friend- his Buck. That was enough.” 

“Chris doesn’t have to call Buck anything,” Eddie stated with that edge in his voice that only reared its ugly head once toward Buck, years ago, but only that one time. It was sharp, and his eyes were darker. He hoped Eddie’s words would cut his parents. Selfishly, in a weak moment, he wanted Eddie to hurt them. “He respects Buck like a father, and Buck treats him like a son. If Chris wants to refer to him as ‘dad’ he will- in his own time..” 

“Well,” Margaret laughed nervously. She was quickly perking up and changing her tune. “Of course! Eddie we didn’t mean to offend-”

“Well,” Eddie bit back. “You did. Buck is a good dad- a great dad. He has been a constant force that Chris has known his entire life, he helps with homework, he cooks dinner, he cleans my house- did that even before he lived there, and he picks Chris up from school and from clubs. He stays up all night to bake three dozen cookies for a bake sale that Chris forgot to mention until the last minute, and he takes care of us when we’re sick. He never complains.”

“I complain a lot,” Buck muttered, feeling delirious, but he earned a sharp glare in his direction. “Right.” He clamped his mouth shut and stared at the table cloth and chewed on the inside of his cheek. 

Philip cleared his throat. “Like Margaret said, we didn’t mean to offend.”

Eddie tilted his head and shrugged as he fell back against his chair. “Again,” Eddie said plainly. Harshly “You did.” In the same moment he tapped Buck’s hand and gave him a look that told him to stop biting his cheek.

Buck loved Eddie. God . He loved the man that was defending him and their son in the same breath. He loved Eddie so fucking goddamn much- it fucking hurt. Philip and Margaret were clearly surprised by Eddie’s little outburst, but Buck was damn near giddy. He was feeling better by the second as the conversation sunk in. Eddie fought for him. Eddie yelled at his parents. Eddie had his back. He couldn’t help but find it insanely hot. He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to slide under the table and blow him. He squeezed his hands hard, three times, I love you . 

~*~ 

“Okay,” Buck grinned at Chris who was settling into the bed. “Goodnight, text us if you need anything.” 

“Yeah,” Chris yawned. “I will.” 

Eddie was already upstairs in the shower having already checked on Chris while Buck was showering. Buck was freshly out of the shower. His hair was still damp, and he was wearing sweatpants but no shirt. He shut Chris’ door and wandered to the kitchen for a snack, a habit that refused to die, and when he entered he saw his mom sitting at the table with her own snack and glass of water. “Evan,” she said softly. 

“Hey mom,” Buck greeted as he opened the fridge looking for something to snack on. He grabbed an apple deciding that would be good enough. His mom made a noise as he bit into his apple, and he glanced at her. “Something wrong?” he asked. 

She shrugged and ran her finger around the rim of her glass, and Buck closed his eyes knowing she was gonna start. “I’m just surprised you’re still hungry.” There it is . He nodded and motioned with his apple trying to finish it quickly so he could just go to bed. There was no stopping with them, his parents, but he supposed he should have expected no apology and more breaking of his heart. “You ate a good helping of dinner, and also what Chris couldn’t finish.” 

Buck nodded slowly looking down at his apple as if it offended him. “Yeah,” Buck agreed. “Just wanted a snack before bed.” 

“Well,” Margaret waved her hand in the way she did when she didn’t agree with something. A frown was set deep into her face, and for a moment he wanted to tell her she was going to get wrinkled frowning like that. Then he decided he was maybe hanging around Eddie too much to be that level of bitchy. “You’ve certainly got bigger, but as long as you’re happy I guess.” No. He was not hanging around Eddie too much. He should have told her. Mumbled it under his breath. Something. No, he wanted her to love him still. 

“I’ve gained muscle,” Buck sighed. “Some fat comes with that.” 

“I’m sure, Evan.” 

“Buck,” He corrected. “My name’s Buck.” 

Margaret’s frown deepened and then she blew out a breath that sounded a lot like a scoff. “I’m just not going to call you that,” She said as she brought her hand to her chin to gently rub before placing it in her hand. “Buck Buckley,” She laughed. “That sounds ridiculous.” 

“Buck Buckley-Diaz,” Buck said and tossed his apple core into the trash. “Or Buck Diaz. I haven’t decided yet.” 

“You’re not taking his last name,” Margaret gasped. Buck only shrugged and raised his eyebrows. “Evan.” 

“You took Dad’s last name,” He pointed out, and she floundered for a minute. Open and closed her mouth several times, and finally she let out a big sigh and shook her head. 

She was staring at him, eyes big, worried that he’d actually take Eddie’s last name- like that was the most outrageous thing in the world. “That’s different,” She said pointedly.

Buck felt a smile stretched across his face as he tilted his head to the side. “How?” 

Again, Margaret floundered for an answer that wasn’t going to seem offensive, but Buck didn’t waver; he demanded an answer. “It just is,” Margaret said. 

Buck nodded slowly, “Because he’s a man?”

“Evan-”

“Because I’m marrying a man?” Buck tilted his head to the side and pursed his lips. “What is it, Mom? You know, I’ve never felt like a Buckley, not once growing up did that last name mean anything to me. Being a Diaz though? That. That has purpose. Being a Diaz means I’m a father, a husband, a best friend, a grandson, and a nephew. Eddie’s parents be damned, his Tías and Tíos and Abuela have taken me in as their own, and that means everything to me. Being a Buckley?” Buck shook his head and dryly chuckled. “That means I’m a disappointment.”

“Evan that’s not true,” Margaret sighed and rubbed the spot between her eyes. 

Buck laughed again. “Doesn’t it? Say you’re proud of me, tell me you love me.”

It was a futile attempt to get what he so desperately craved, and he knew his mother well enough to know those words would never come out of her mouth. Not in the way he wanted. “I’m too risky, too flighty, too energetic, too careless, too big, too dumb-”

“Of course I love you and I’m proud of you.” Margaret looked genuinely pained to have said that. Buck pressed his lips together tightly and nodded curtly, biting back the stinging tears in his eyes. “You know that!” She tried to push, but Buck shook his head. How could he know that? He was a child who never heard it. 

“Where’s my stuff?” He asked abruptly. Margaret looked confused, and she looked around the kitchen trying to find what he was talking about. “The stuff I left? Pictures, trophies, knick knacks?” He clarified. 

Margaret gasped softly, and in that little sound it told Buck everything he needed to know. He pushed forward. “Is it next to Daniel’s stuff in the garage? Next to Maddie’s in the attic?”

“I’m sure,” Margaret said softly. “We thought it was-” She waved her hand hoping Buck would figure out her ‘kind’ word for junk. He shook his head. “We donated it. Surely the clothes you left you wouldn’t fit into anymore.”

Buck sucked in a breath. “My trophies? Medals? Pictures of my friends?”

Margaret looked away from him, and he laughed and shook his head. “Would’ve been great items for a baby box,” He said off handedly. “You know what? It’s okay, I get it, don’t worry about it.”

“Evan,” His mother sighed in the way she did when she thought he was being too dramatic- too much.

“Goodnight mom,” he said instead. Before she could reply he walked out of the kitchen and made his way to his bedroom. He felt sixteen again. He felt like his shoulders weighed a million pounds, he felt like his skin was too tight, and his head was too full. His chest ached, his heart yearned, and he had a brief thought to go jump out of a tree to break his leg. She’ll love me then . He couldn’t do that. Not with Chris down the hall sleeping, not when he had tomorrow with his son, so he climbed the stairs and prayed that his legs wouldn’t give out on him. 

Eddie was out of the shower and in bed when Buck let himself into the room. He tried not to pay attention to his lack of things, or the fact that they tried to erase him. The son they never wanted, and would have never had if it weren’t for Daniel getting sick. Eddie was in his old bed. Eddie was wearing his brown hoodie. He was scrolling on his phone, but now looking up at him with soft bambi brown eyes. “What’s wrong?” He asked. Buck bit back the urge to break down, to cry, and he crawled into bed next to the love of his life. He took Eddie’s phone out of his hand and placed it on the nightstand, and then he weaseled his way into Eddie’s arms. “Baby?”

“My mom donated all my stuff,” He said quietly. Eddie sighed and squeezed his arms tighter around Buck. “She also called me fat.”

“What?” Eddie asked, disbelief clear in his voice. “She said that?”

“Implied it.” 

“Oh honey,” Eddie sighed and kissed the crown of Buck’s head. “I’m sorry.”

Buck sniffed, and pressed his nose against Eddie’s neck and inhaled deeply. He smelled like him. He smelled like old spice vanilla and shea butter, and he smelled minty from brushing his teeth. But underneath it all; he smelled like Eddie. “She couldn’t say she loved me or she was proud of me,” He said with a soft sniffle. “Not without looking like it was tortured out of her.” Buck mumbled and buried his nose against Eddie’s neck. Eddie squeezed him tight, buried his face into Buck’s hair and kissed his crown. 

“oh, mi amor, that’s so fucked. I’m sorry, Honey.” 

“She got mad when I said I was gonna take your name.”

Eddie pulled back just enough to look down at Buck, and Buck looked up at Eddie with glossy blue eyes. Eddie looked soft, emotion filling his eyes, and a smile tugging at his lips. “You wanna take my last name?” 

“Yeah,” Buck sighed and pressed his cheek against Eddie’s chest, and Eddie worked a hand into Buck’s still damp curls. “Or hyphen it. Buck Buckley sounds stupid.”

Eddie hummed. “Why was she mad?” 

Buck shrugged the best he could in Eddie’s arms. “You know why,” He said softly. “They’re old fashioned as my dad put it.” 

Buck didn’t have to see Eddie to know he was rolling his eyes. He sighed heavily, and tried not to recall the conversation he had when he came out to his parents. He didn’t. He just showed up to Chim’s hospital room with soot covering his face, and a soot covered Tommy. The conversation after was awkward as he tried to explain, and they both expressed their concerns that it was just a phase. Even though it wasn’t- well Tommy was, but his bisexuality wasn’t. He groaned and pressed his face into Eddie’s chest. He wanted to feel his heart beat. 

When he eventually told them about Eddie they both had gut reactions about how wrong it all was. Eddie’s a man. You just started dating. It’s too quick. You can’t marry a man. Then Philip so eloquently chopped their reactions up to being old fashioned. We grew up in a different time, Evan. We never even thought this was an option for you, Evan. You have to give us grace for trying to get comfortable with it, Evan. Eddie kindly reminded him later that night that he didn’t owe them shit. 

“She knew we were getting married,” Eddie said casually as he twirled one of Buck’s curls around his fingers. He tugged on the strand lightly, and Buck shivered under his touch. “Surely she expected one of us to change our names.”

“I don’t know,” Buck sighed. “I don’t really care about that. I can’t change their minds.”

Eddie hummed, “Then what’s bothering you, my love?” 

Buck thought about it. Their conversation replying in his head and deafening his ears, and he rolled out of Eddie’s arms and onto his back so he could stare at his ceiling. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I just, It’s hard knowing I’ll never be what they want. I could be a doctor and save lives, I could be straight and stick thin,  and they still would find it hard to love me.” Buck wiped at his eyes, a little frustrated at himself. “I didn’t save Daniel. That’s the only life that mattered.”

“You were a baby,” Eddie said. He sat up and faced Buck, his hand grabbed Buck’s, and he squeezed it hard. “It’s not fair they put it on you.”

Buck frowned. “They don’t mean to.” 

Eddie nodded. “But they still do.”

“I tried everything to get them to love me,” Buck muttered angrily. “I ran away and prayed every night they’d call me and beg me to come home. I used to go into every building fire just hoping they’d see- hoping they’d see that I’m good. I do good things.” 

Eddie sighed softly, he kissed Buck’s head again. “You are good, Buck.” 

“They will always view me as this- this-” He groaned and pressed his face further into Eddie’s chest. He wished he could just melt into him, stitch he and Eddie’s skin together so they could be one. Buck groaned again. “They don’t even wanna acknowledge that I’m Chris’ dad. He’s a good kid. How could I have anything to do with that? I was a bad kid.” 

“No,” Eddie shook his head. “Buck, you were a kid . A kid who wanted attention from his parents. That doesn’t make you bad. Chris- god - sometimes I look at him and all I see is you and your personality.” 

Buck chewed on the inside of his cheek, wincing because it was still sore from dinner’s gnawing, and he refused to look Eddie in his eyes. It was too heavy. Too honest. He felt like he had been cut open, and he couldn’t look Eddie in the eyes. Eddie sighed, he searched for Buck’s eyes, but Buck wouldn’t allow it. So, Eddie manhandled Buck onto his side so they were face to face. Then Eddie grabbed his chin with his thumb and forefinger. “Don’t hide from me,” Eddie said sternly. “We don’t do that.” 

“Sorry,” Buck whispered. 

“I know how you’re feeling,” Eddie said softly, still not letting go of Buck. “This,” He motioned between them with his free hand. “Means I’m less of a man, according to my father, and if you ask him? I’ve never been man enough. Not when I joined the army. Not when I became a father. Not when I became a firefighter. In their eyes, I’m a failure. I ran out on my son and wife, then chased after my wife uprooting my son, and then failed to fix things. If she hadn’t died we would have gotten divorced. Do you know how Catholics feel about divorce?”

“Eddie,” Buck sniffled, and Eddie was there to wipe the stray tear that fell over his cheek. 

“I am a failure in their eyes,” Eddie said. “Do you think any of that is true?”

“No, Eddie, Baby, no.” Buck shook his head fiercely. Eddie jabbed a finger into Buck’s chest, and smiled softly at him. 

“Then whatever your parents say about you isn’t true,” Eddie said. He had an adorable smile, so soft, so filled with love. Buck bit his lip, but he didn’t try to look away from Eddie. Eddie leaned in and pressed a kiss against his lips, then his cheek, then his birthmark, and then his neck. “You aren’t a failure or a fuck up, sweetheart.” Eddie’s fingers lightly grazed the expanse of Buck’s chest, and then he squeezed his tits. “You’re not too big. You are good, and I love you and I’m proud of you.”

Buck whimpered, “Eddie.” Warmth bloomed through his entire body, and he felt so seen by Eddie that even if he wanted to hide it would have been useless. “I love you.” 

Eddie dragged Buck into a languid kiss, he licked into his mouth, and nipped at his lips. “You’re so smart,” He murmured as his hands scratched down Buck’s chest. “So kind,” He tucked his head to kiss Buck’s neck. “So bright and beautiful.” Eddie’s hands continued to trace a path over Buck’s body. It set a trail of fire over every curve, every muscle, and Buck felt himself growing hard the more Eddie continued. “God, I love your body,” he groaned. “You’re so big and strong. I love it so much, Baby.” 

Buck grinned lopsidedly at him, flushing at the compliments, and preening under Eddie’s eyes and touch. “What do you like?” Buck asked, a teasing tone edging into his voice. “What do you like about my body?” 

Eddie let his fingers drag over Buck’s chest, his nails lightly scratched over each pec, and then he grabbed his nipple and tweaked it. “I like it when you manhandle me,” Eddie said softly. He used his hand to squeeze Buck’s pec earning a moan in response. “Love these,” He moaned, and Buck could feel the simmering heat in his belly stirring. Part of him knew they shouldn’t continue this, they shouldn’t fuck right when his parents are down the hall, but Eddie was squeezing his pec and he was looking at him with those dark, brown eyes. He couldn’t say no. “Love your tits.” Eddie groaned as he ducked his head to sponge kisses across them where he could reach. “Love how big they’ve gotten.” 

Buck preened, pushed his chest out a little bit against Eddie’s mouth, and Eddie licked over his nipple taking the bud into his mouth. Buck’s gasp was punched out of him. While Eddie nipped and sucked at his nipple his hands clawed down Buck’s belly. He flexed instinctually, his abs rippling, and Eddie squeezed the fat of them sinking his nails into it. “Fuck,” Buck whined. “ Baby !” One of Buck’s hands cradled Eddie’s head, and the other danced down his side around his ass, and he groped it hard, dragging Eddie closer to him.

“I love when you do that,” Eddie groaned. “Love it so much when you just-” Eddie’s voice faltered as Buck continued to knead his ass. “Put me where you want me.” Buck proved his point by dragging him again closer, and he rolled his hips trying to get some relief. With a frustrated groan his arms circled around Eddie and he yanked Eddie on top of him. Eddie’s thighs bracketed Buck’s hips, and his hands were bracing himself on Buck’s chest. His hands gripped his tits, his thumbs pressed gently against the buds. “Love your cock too,” Eddie whispered, breathily. “Big and fat, makes me feel so full, darlin’. Love when it stretches me, and god are you gonna fuck me now? I need it.” 

Buck loved when Eddie got desperate, when his voice was breathy, and when he got demanding and possessive. “Do you?” Buck teased, his own voice strained from his obvious arousal. “Do you really need it, Princess?” 

Eddie shivered and nodded his head quickly, he rolled his hips dragging his clothed cock against Buck’s, and he leaned down to kiss his fiancé like he was his dying breath. Buck always felt delirious when he kissed Eddie, like the world simultaneously stopped and moved too quickly. Eddie licked into his mouth, sucked on his tongue, and nipped at his lip taking all that Buck was worth. “Give it to me, baby. It’s mine, isn’t it? I need you,” Eddie grinded his ass down against Buck’s hard-on and moaned wantonly. 

“Yours,” Buck agreed easily. He’d give Eddie the fucking sun if he asked for it, he’s take on Helios, and he would give him the sun. He would give Eddie whatever he wanted. Everything Buck was, everything he owned, it had always been Eddie’s. “But you gotta be quiet,” He whispered. Eddie nodded and swallowed hard, he was still grinding against Buck, and he was moving hips desperately, his mouth hanging open with each press of their bodies. “We can’t have my parents hear you, or how good I make you feel.” 

Eddie let out a soft noise as he nodded again. “Please,” He begged. How could Buck ever deny something so sweet? “I need it,” he said again, more firm this time. 

“Do you?” Buck teased. Eddie whimpered, he sounded like some sort of wounded animal. Buck grabbed Eddie’s hips stilling his movement, and Eddie let out another pitiful whimper. “C’mon baby, do you need it? Need me to fuck you?” Eddie nodded again. 

“Please,” He whispered. Buck’s hands slid from his hips to his ass, he gripped it hard, and Eddie moaned. “Baby,” Eddie was looking down at him with wet eyes, and his bottom lip was caught between his teeth. “ Darlin’ .” He drawled. 

Buck shook his head tilting it slightly to the right. “That’s not very fair, Princess.” Eddie shivered again. Buck was a sucker when Eddie played up the Texan drawl, the first time had been Eddie just playing around mocking whatever movie that had been watching, and the next thing he knew Buck was between his thighs sucking the soul out of him. 

“Not fair when you call me that,” Eddie countered. 

Buck hummed. “What? Princess?” Eddie moaned. 

“C’mon,” Eddie whined impatiently as he tugged his own hoodie up and over his head. “Buck, baby, I said I need it. Desperate for it.” Eddie lifted himself onto his knees so he could tug Buck’s pants and boxers down, and Buck lifted his hips to help him. “I need it, it's mine.”  It was a little awkward, but he got them out of the way. He marveled at Buck’s cock, slapping against his stomach, glistening in the moonlight, and just begging to slip into Eddie. Buck felt a swell of pride under Eddie’s eyes, and his cock twitched when Eddie’s tongue darted out to wet his lips. Eddie flopped off of Buck, very unceremoniously, and he kicked off his sweatpants and boxers. Then he straddled Buck again, he fell into Buck’s lips clashing their mouths together, and Buck groaned into his mouth. “Fuck me,” Eddie demanded. 

“Since you asked so nicely,” Buck teased. He blindly reached for the nightstand, a habit, but when he spent a few minutes feeling nothing in the drawer he groaned. Eddie latched himself against Buck’s neck, he sank his teeth right where his shoulder and neck connected, and he flattened his tongue against the mark before he bit it again. Sure to be an angry bruise by morning. “Did we pack lube?” Buck groaned as his hips twitched nudging against Eddie’s ass. Eddie nodded against his neck, but still he refused to move off his fiancé. 

“Use spit,” Eddie said as he intertwined his fingers with Buck’s, he squeezed his hand, and then his fingers circled around Buck’s wrist as he forced him to press against his stomach. Then by his wrist, Eddie dragged Buck’s hands up his body until his fingers were at his mouth, and then he took them into his mouth. 

“Baby,” Buck moaned. “Sweetheart, spit isn’t-” Eddie swirled his tongue around the tips of Buck’s fingers, and licked the seam where they were pressed together. Eddie was glaring at him, daring him to try to move, and really who was Buck to disobey? 

Once Eddie deemed Buck’s fingers properly slicked, he pulled them out of his mouth and nodded, and Buck felt a surge of pride that swelled in his chest. “C’mon,” Eddie urged as he raised up on his knees allowing Buck better access. Buck shook his head, and his arm snuck around Eddie’s waist as he flipped them in a swift movement. Eddie yelped, and Buck clamped a hand over his mouth. Naturally, Eddie licked his palm, and Buck just stared at him fondly. 

“Quiet,” He whispered as he lifted his hand off his mouth. 

“I want to ride you,” Eddie stated. Buck felt dizzy. Eddie always made him dizzy. Eddie pushed at Buck’s shoulder, a weak attempt if he were honest, but still an attempt nevertheless. Buck giggled and kissed Eddie quickly, his fingers trailing up and down Eddie’s inner thigh. 

“It’s easier to finger you when I can see what I’m doing,” Buck said. With a wink, he leaned down to mouth at one of Eddie’s nipples, and his index finger circled Eddie’s hole teasing over it and slicking it with spit. Eddie gasped and tried to push his hips down, to force Buck inside, but Buck wasn’t having it. “Don’t tease,” Eddie whined. Buck smirked against his chest, and sponged kisses down from Eddie’s chest to his thighs. Without warning he wrapped his mouth around his glistening cockhead, and at the same time pushed a finger in. Buck knew that spit wasn’t enough, that just a single finger was enough to burn, but Eddie was insatiable already letting out pretty pleas for more. Buck groaned around the cock in his mouth, his tongue dipped into his slit licking at the pre-come that was beading more steadily. 

“Oh,” Eddie groaned. “More, Buck, baby, Please.”

Buck was working his finger in and out of him at a steady pace while taking more of Eddie’s cock into his mouth. Eddie’s hands were in his hair yanking at his curls, and he was pushing Buck’s head down while his hips bucked and rocked back and forth. “Buck,” Eddie moaned. “‘Nother, baby add another.” 

Buck pushed another finger in, scissoring and curling them, and in a practiced motion tapped against Eddie’s prostate. He pulled off his cock, and peppered kisses along his thighs, biting bruising marks, and licking over the irritated skin. “So good,” He moaned against Eddie’s skin, and he ducked his head to kiss the mole on the back of his thigh. Eddie was breathing hard. His hands were twisting in the seats, and he was steadily grinding back onto Buck’s fingers. “Such a greedy little princess,” he whispered.  Eddie wanted to scream, he wanted to mewl, but he bit his hand instead. Buck slipped in a third finger, fucking him with his fingers earnestly, brushing against his prostate with each thrust, and he spread his fingers to make sure Eddie was stretched. 

“Buck,” Eddie panted as he slid his hands into his own hair, back bowing off the bed, and he looked like a wet dream come true. He looked like he was straight out of a porno. His face was a beautiful cherry color, his lips bitten and swollen, and he looked so entirely blissed out. “Ready. I’m ready. I want it now. I need it now. Give it to me. C’mon baby, be good for me, Buck. Okay? So good!” 

“So greedy,” Buck whispered as he placed a final kiss on Eddie's knee. He pulled his fingers out and admired the way Eddie’s hole fluttered at the loss. He rolled over onto his back, and scooted back until he leaned against the headboard. Eddie wasted no time, he scrambled to Buck’s lap, spit into his palm and grabbed Buck’s angry red cock, and Buck twitched and bucked his hips into Eddie’s hand. “Eds,” Buck sighed. “Fuck, baby, fuck!” 

Eddie stroked him a few times before Buck batted his hands away, and he spared a glance toward the suitcase where the lube sat nestled in one of the pockets. “No,” Eddie groaned. “I need it to burn,” He groaned. “Wanna be limping tomorrow,” Eddie nodded like he made any sense at all. “I wanna feel you when I sit and walk tomorrow. God, Buck! Be a good boy and fuck me like you need it too.” Buck helped Eddie lineup, and then Eddie pressed down gasping. “Fuck,” He whined. Buck leaned up and captured Eddie’s lips in a messy kiss that was more just panting into each other’s mouth. “So big,” He groaned. “Fuck.”

“Go easy,” Buck whispered, pressing a kiss to his neck and then peppered more kisses along his chest and shoulders. “Slow.”

“Shut up,” Eddie groaned. “Let me just,” Eddie pushed down and his eyes rolled to the back of his head as he fully sat on Buck’s cock. Buck bit Eddie’s shoulder to muffle his own surprised cry. “There,” He sighed. “Oh fuck, Love you, love this cock, love you.” 

“I love you too,” Buck moaned. “Holy fuck, Eds. Jesus,” He groaned as Eddie wasted no time grinding his hips, and then he started fucking himself in earnest. He bounced on Buck’s cock, the creaking of the old bed frame filled the entire room, and had Eddie not been so cock drunk he might have spared a thought to slow down. 

Buck loved fucking Eddie. He never really had preference as long as his dick ended up in Eddie. If you asked him, having Eddie ride him was one of his favorite positions, he loved the way Eddie took from him, he loved the way Eddie bounced and grinded, and fucked himself until he couldn’t breathe. He was beautiful. His head thrown back, hands braced on Buck’s thighs, and mouth hung open as he groaned and sighed. He loved when Eddie wrapped his arms around his shoulders, held him close while he pulled at his hair, and panted into his neck. It was the hottest thing in the world. 

“God,” Buck choked out. “You’re so hot.”

“Mine,” Eddie moaned. “Your cock is mine,” Eddie moaned with his head thrown back. “God, I’m so full. Touch me please, close.” Buck whimpered as he wrapped his hand around Eddie’s cock. “Yes, yes, yes,” Eddie chanted in a whisper. Buck stroked Eddie in time with his bounces, and Buck buried his face biting at Eddie’s neck to muffle his groans. 

“Fuck,” Buck whimpered. “Eddie, Princess, you’re so hot, so fucking sexy taking my cock so well.”

Eddie moaned, his hips were stuttering, his hole clenching, and Buck was a steady stream of whimpers and begging. The heat was coiling in his belly, and it was getting hard to breathe with Eddie grinding down into his lap. “Mine,” Eddie moaned. “C’mon baby, C’mon darlin’ come for me, give it to me, I need - Buck- I need you to fill me up.”

Buck was falling right over the edge, his head thudding against the headboard, and his hands gripped Eddie’s hips as he thrusted into him and kept Eddie seated deeply. “Fuck,  baby,” Buck moaned. “Oh christ!” Eddie clamped a hand over his mouth, and rode Buck through his orgasm while his own ripped through him. He spilled across Buck’s chest up to his neck in thick white ropes. Buck was quick to cover Eddie’s mouth with his hand to muffle his moans. 

They kept going with Eddie lazily rocking in Buck’s lap until he was hissing at overstimulation, and Buck licked Eddie’s palm while his blue eyes were brimmed with unshed tears. “That was so hot,” He whispered as Eddie pulled off of him, immediately mourning the loss, and then making a face as Buck’s come dribbled down his thighs. Eddie nodded in agreement. 

“You’re hot,” Eddie said. “Your come is leaking out of me.”

“Romantic.”

“Go get me a towel,” Eddie whined. 

“Say please.”

“Please,” Eddie deadpanned, and Buck hummed like he pretended to think. “Oh come on!” Eddie laughed. “Pretty please, darlin’, mi amor?”

“Hm…okay,” Buck giggled, leaning over to kiss Eddie. 

They cleaned up, and they sank into bed in each other’s arms. Buck’s cheek was pressed against Eddie’s chest, one of his legs was swung over his hips, and one arm was tucked between them while the other idly drew patterns on Eddie’s chest. “I can’t wait to marry you,” Eddie murmured. He had an arm wrapped around Buck’s shoulders he was idly tracing patterns on Buck’s bare shoulder. 

“I’m gonna marry the fuck outta you,” Buck agreed biting playfully at Eddie’s pec. 

~*~

Their Christmas Eve morning was uneventful as ever. If they were home, Buck would have woken up early, he would have made breakfast, he and Eddie would have slow danced to Christmas music, and they would have lured Christopher out of bed with the promise of getting to open a present early. It was their own little tradition that started long before they figured out their feelings. Slow dancing included. Buck had always spent Christmases with Eddie, whether it was at work, or when they had the day off. Everyone had their families, their own traditions, their own things to do, and really it was a bright eyed Christopher holding Buck close and whispering into his ear that he wanted to spend Christmas with him too. So, thus began Buck making his way over bright and early Christmas Eve to the Diaz household, duffle slung over his shoulder, and presents from Santa stowed in his jeep. It really just snowballed from there. They’d get Chris ready to go to the Grant-Nash household for dinner, and when they returned home Buck would carry him into the house and tuck him in, and then he’d help Eddie set out presents then they’d share the milk and cookies. 

In hindsight, that should have been a giant, blinking, red sign that maybe they were more than friends. How do you explain to your partner that- no you will not spend christmas with them because my best friend and I have plans that trump ours as a couple. Or alternatively- no you cannot spend Christmas with me and my son because my best friend is coming over to make us breakfast and dinner. Oh and we happen to get swept into slow dancing to christmas songs when it's too early to be real. 

That had happened in year two, at the time they hadn’t seen it as romantic, but rather they were just friends who were dancing. Best friends danced all the time. It was The Christmas Song By Nat ‘King’ Cole. Buck had been at the oven making hot chocolate, cinnamon rolls, and bacon and eggs. Eddie had stumbled in rubbing his eyes, Buck was humming and swaying as he flipped the bacon, and Eddie- if you asked him -wasn’t sure what came over him. Maybe it was the morning sun just barely peeking in through the morning lights, maybe it was the quiet of the city not quite awake yet, or maybe it was just a weak moment. He pulled Buck close to him, and they swayed to the beat of the song too afraid to look at one another. Buck wasn’t even phased. He just kept humming, kept swaying, and kept smiling. 

They weren’t home. They weren’t tending to their own traditions, they were pulling into a lot after paying ten dollars, and wrapping paper wrist bands around their wrists. Christmas lights were strung up everywhere, multicolored, blinking brightly like stars in a night sky. There was an archway of red and green lights leading into the festival. “It’s already so pretty,” Chris gasped. 

“Wait until you see the displays,” Buck smiled. 

They all got out of the car, Buck and Eddie intertwined their fingers, and Philip and Margaret followed behind them. “Not too fast,” Eddie called after Chris.

“Make sure you can always see one of us at least!” Buck added, squeezing Eddie’s hand. 

It was snowing, big flakes falling and hitting the already snow padded ground, and Eddie shivered and Buck giggled, wrapping an arm around him and kissing his head. “I’ll keep you warm, baby.” Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck and hugged him close which made walking a little awkward, but they were happy and giggling. 

“You guys are so gross,” Chris whined. “Cute but gross.” Then his eyes lit up, and he stared back at his parents with unadulterated glee. “Look! It’s a giant snowman! Dad!” Eddie was tugged away, and Buck smiled watching his boys take in the festival for the first time. Nothing brought him more joy than seeing his boys utterly happy and enamoured. It felt like the first time Buck took Chris to the zoo, he was so excited reading out all the plaques of each animal, and running to each exhibit as fast as he could, dragging Buck along with him. It was like when he took Eddie on their first date, to a local science museum, and Eddie (despite trying to remain cool) was enamored with bright eyes as he and Buck walked to the different sections that held different inventions, games, and experiments. As he had watched Eddie smile and laugh as he played with an exhibit about a T-Rex he knew he’d love him for the rest of his life. Even now, he knew he looked sickly in love as he stood watching them, but he didn’t care. 

“You guys would be smart to turn it down a notch,” Philip hummed softly from beside him. Margaret had gone to join Chris and Eddie. She was hugging Chris from behind as she pointed out the other snow sculptures, and Buck tried not to let the hurt seep into his bones. Instead he glanced at his father, raising his eyebrow. “Not everyone likes that.”

Buck groaned, “What are you talking about?”

“You and Eddie,” Philip said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

Again, Buck groaned and shook his head. “That’s their problem then.”

Philip sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Evan,” He gritted out. “Could you just this once cooperate with me? Your mother and I know people here and-”

“You want me to hide?” Buck asked, raising his voice a bit, but then he took a deep breath and lowered it. His anger was simmering under his skin, his chest felt tight, and his bones were vibrating against his muscles. “That’s not- Eddie and I are proud of who we are, and I’m not going to shove my husband into the closet because you’re uncomfortable.”

Philip floundered, and he shook his head rapidly. “No,” He said sternly. “ I’m not uncomfortable but-but the people-”

“Who cares?” Buck asked just as sternly. “Who cares Dad? If I wanna hold Eddie’s hand then I will, and if I wanna kiss him under a goddamn mistletoe then I will.” Buck shook his head, and he looked back toward where Eddie and Chris were laughing, throwing handfuls of snow at each other. Margaret was even laughing, her smile wasn’t forced, and her eyes were bright and squinty as she watched over Eddie and Chris playing. Despite the pang under his ribcage; Buck couldn’t imagine not being in love with Eddie. “You asking me to do that,” Buck said slowly. “Tells me everything I need to know about how you feel about us.”

“Evan I-”

Buck walked away before his father could finish his sentence, and once he was in ear shot he could hear Eddie laughing and Chris screaming as Eddie threw another snowball at him. “Edmundo Diaz,” Buck tsked, placing his hands on his hips and shaking his head. “I thought you said you were cold.”

Eddie’s cheeks and nose were bright red, and Chris’ own cheeks and nose matched. They both stared at him with wide eyes, big smiles, and in that moment he didn’t understand how anyone could confuse Chris to be his own son. He looked so much like Eddie. They had the same nose, same smile, same joyful gleam. Buck’s heart lurched and swam up his throat in an attempt to get to them. “He started it,” Eddie said all too seriously, and Chris shook his head and giggled. 

“Nuh uh! You did!”

“We’ve never played in the snow before,” Eddie grinned. Buck was so in love. It was- in fact -a little gross. 

“You’re going to freeze,” Buck said. “Both of you.” 

Eddie’s teeth were already chattering and Chris was visibly shivering. “Hot chocolate,” Chris said as he nodded enthusiastically. “Extra marshmallows and whipped cream!” Eddie smiled at his son and then back at Buck. “Dad and I are gonna look at the ice sculptures next!”

Eddie stood up and helped Chris stand. “We should wait for Buck, Bud. I’m sure he wants to walk around with us.”

“Nonsense,” Margaret grinned. “He’ll catch up with you! I’ll help him gather the cups. Philip will walk with you two.”

“Mom-” Buck tried. Eddie looked at him pleadingly. 

“Go ahead, Evan. I’m right behind you.”

Buck took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah,” He sighed. “I’ll catch up.”

Margaret ushered Buck off toward the booths that were selling hot chocolate, every booth covered in snow, lit up with lights, and playing a soft Christmas song, and it all smelled heavenly. The chocolate strong in the air, the mix of whipped cream and marshmallows blending sweetly, and peppermint almost overpowering. “How can I hel- Evan?” Buck looked up from his wallet where he had been pulling out cash. A girl stood behind the booth, curly, brown hair falling over her shoulders, soft brown eyes wide with excitement. 

“Mari,” He greeted. “It’s been a long time.”

“I- yes! I thought I’d never see you again! I saw on instagram that you’re in LA now!”

“Have been for the last ten or so years.” Buck smiled. “It’s been great!” 

Mari smiled, her eyes lingered over Buck for a second, and then she nodded and took out a little note pad. “What can I get you?” 

“Two coffees, two hot chocolates with extra marshmallows and whipped cream, and one hot chocolate with peppermint.” 

Mari smiled sweetly at him, and he paid quickly. Buck moved out of the way dragging his mother with him so other people could order. He glanced toward his boys longingly, wishing he could be experiencing their reactions next to them. Margaret sighed next to him, something soft, dreamy almost. Buck glanced at her. “He reminds me of Daniel,” She said tightly. Buck sucked in a harsh breath. “It’s like having him here.” She was watching Christopher, as he stood next to Eddie talking to Philip. 

Buck didn’t know how to respond to that. He didn’t know his brother, so he couldn’t testify to their similarities. However, Maddie had once told him that Buck was a carbon copy of Daniel, same eyes, same curls, and same determination to be better than good. She told him that that was why his parents had a hard time with him.  Now his mother was saying Chirs reminded her of Daniel, and she’s been nothing but sweet to him. She was doting. She was motherly. Caring. 

Yet, she treated Buck with disdain. She never wanted to care for him, it was too hard to love him, and at the end of the day it was his fault. He made it hard for them. He was too much like the brother he couldn’t save. 

“”I mean,” Margaret blew out a soft breath. “Daniel was so smart like him.”

“Right,” Buck breathed. Images of a younger self running off the bus with his spelling test gripped so tightly in his hand it was wrinkling, and a broad, proud smile ready to show his parents. He was met with his mother sitting in the living room, empty glass of wine on the side table, her eyes were glossy and she was frowning as she watched whatever movie was playing. He had known his dad was at work, and Maddie was still in school. So he went to the fridge and hung up his A+. Later when he came down for dinner, fully expecting his parents to acknowledge the good grade, he noticed the fridge was bare and his paper was gone. 

Buck’s heart was breaking and his chest was too tight. He knew he was going to cry, and he desperately tried to get it together. He watched Eddie and Chris, Eddie with a stray icicle and sneaking behind Chris to shove it down his son’s shirt. He looked happy. He looked joyful. 

His eyes never left Eddie as if he felt Buck’s eyes on him, Eddie turned to look at him, and he smiled at him and waved. He looked so excited and happy and Buck didn’t want to ruin it. Then Buck watched as the smile faded and he tilted his head while his eyebrows furrowed in question. Before Buck could give him a signal he was okay, Eddie was crossing the small field to get to him. 

“He’s a brave young boy,” Margaret said with a ginger tone. “Daniel was so brave too during his treatments.” 

Buck glanced at the ice skating rink, old habits die hard, he thought about putting on a pair of skates, and he hoped the fact he hadn’t skated in more than twenty years would force him to fall and break something. He wanted to scream at his mom. I’m brave too! Please! Love me too! His lips twitched in a frown, and he stared at his feet. 

 “Baby,” Eddie touched his arm gently, and Buck wanted to crumble into him. “What’s wrong?” 

“Oh,” He mustered up the best strong voice he had. “Nothing.” He sniffled a little and pretended it was because he was cold. “Mom was just telling me how much Chris reminds her of Daniel.” 

Eddie’s face soured. Buck felt like he was bleeding, he felt like a scar had opened up and he was just pouring blood into the snow. Part of him understood, Daniel was their first child, they went through something no parents should, and he understood completely that they would always see him and think about him with everything they did. He understood their grief was something that would never leave them, it would always burden their shoulders, and it would always fill their songs with a sad melody of what could have been. He lost his parents to grief. They cut deep wounds into him because he reminded them of his brother, but he also was nothing like him at all and that killed them. 

Yet, Christopher. Smart, sarcastic, sassy, charismatic Chris. Well, that was how Daniel must have been. The perfect package. A second chance. “Well,” Eddie mumbled, his arm snaking around Buck’s waist. “Margaret, why don’t you join Chris and Philip. I’ll help Buck carry the drinks.”

He waited until she was out of ear shot, and Buck wanted to collapse into Eddie’s arms. Instead, he let his head fall into the crook of his neck and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, mi vida. I know that must’ve hurt.”

Buck wanted to cry. His throat felt like it was swelling, like there was a balloon being filled with hot air, and his eyes were stinging with the threat of tears. “I just want them to love me,” Buck whispered, voice cracking. 

Eddie’s grip tightened around his waist, and he kissed Buck’s head. “I love that they’re loving Chris. I love that they’re taking an interest in him. He deserves that.” 

“It’s hard,” Eddie whispered against Buck’s hair. “You deserve it too.” 

“Evan?” Mari smiled and he lifted his head out of the crook of his neck and wiped his face. It was useless his eyes were brimmed red, his nose was red, and his cheeks were tightening with dried tears. Eddie moved for him, smiled at the girl and grabbed the two carriers of hot chocolate. “I might be overstepping,” Mari said quickly. “I just- Evan I am really happy for you. I’m glad you found someone.” 

Buck smiled at her. “I’m glad you found someone better than me.” He nodded toward his old friend Garrett. He had once played football with him, Mari had been a cheerleader, and the tree of them had been friends of sorts. Eddie cleared his throat gently, and Buck smiled at him and wrapped his free hand around his shoulders. “Tell Garrett I said hey.” 

As they walked back to where Chris stood with Buck’s parents, Eddie spoke up. “Ex-girlfriend?” 

“Jealous?” Buck grinned.

“Obviously not,” Eddie hummed. “You’ve belonged to me before you even knew me.” 

Buck barked out a laugh. “Is that what you think?” He asked. He didn’t feel like crying anymore, and his mother’s comments were distant and fuzzy in his brain. He was surrounded by Eddie. That made things just a little better. 

“It’s what I know,” Eddie said casually. Buck hugged him a little closer to his side and pressed a quick kiss to Eddie’s temple. “I was gonna tease you about how you had a type.” Buck made a questioning noise. “C’mon Buck. Dark eyes. Dark hair-” He looked over his shoulder to get another good look at Mari. “Latina,” Eddie continued and his eyes drifted. “Nice ass.” 

Buck laughed again. “Did you just check out her ass?” 

“I really am gay,” Eddie hummed. It was meant toward himself. A quiet moment of realization as he looked back toward Buck and then toward Chris. 

“I could have told you that,” Buck teased as his hand drifted down to cop a feel at Eddie’s ass. “How’s your ass by the way?” 

Eddie groaned and swatted Buck’s hand away from his ass. “Sore.” Eddie shook his head and shifted his hips a little as they walked. “Do you have to be so big .” 

“You weren’t complaining last night,” Buck chuckled and Eddie slapped his arm. 

“We should’ve used lube,” Eddie sighed. “Why didn’t you use lube?” 

Buck scoffed. “You wouldn’t let me up, you told me to use spit, and it’s really not my fault you’re like a dog in heat claiming you’re gonna die unless you sit on my dick without proper prep.” Eddie blushed fiercely. His entire face was red as a tomato. 

Eddie opened and closed his mouth several times, and then he sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “That’s your fault,” He said finally. “You’re hot and good in bed.” 

Buck just smiled at his fiancé and wrapped an arm around his shoulders pulling him close to whisper in his ear. “I’ll massage it later.” Eddie hummed, raising his eyebrows. “Maybe with my tongue this time.” 

“Oh shut up,” Eddie hissed. “We’re in public.” 

“Not that you care,” Buck sighed. “You’re insatiable.” 

“Kettle meets pot.” 

They rejoined Chris and the Buckley’s while giggling and holding hands and still bantering softly. Buck shot his Dad a look, defiance burned bright in his eyes, and Philip only sighed and frowned. He was polite when Eddie handed him his coffee, but he turned away just as quickly as he had said thank you. Margaret was also polite. “And one hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and whipped cream for you.” He handed Chris a cup, and Chris slipped his hand out of one of his Crutch handles and took the cup and sipped with a bright smile. He used Eddie to lean against to keep his balance with one crutch. “And the same for you,” He smiled as he handed a cup to Eddie. 

“Buck, what’d you get?” Chris asked. 

“Hot chocolate with peppermint.” Chris got that look in his eye, one that matched Eddie’s own pleading look when he wanted something, and he wore the same shy smile as he looked at the cup Buck held and then looked back at Buck. Buck sighed dramatically. “Do you want to try it?”

“Switch me!” Chris demanded instead. Buck laughed as they switched cups. Eddie pinched his face and shook his head. 

“It’s going to taste like mint chocolate chip,” Eddie said with disgust evident in his voice. “You hate mint chocolate.” Chris ignored Eddie and took a big swig of the hot chocolate. 

As Eddie predicted, Chris’ face contorted in disgust, and he made a grabby hand toward Buck to switch back. “That’s disgusting,” Chris groaned. “Buck, why ?”

Buck giggled and switched their cups back. Buck’s parents had walked off, like they had so many times before, but Buck wasn’t feeling hollow. He had his kid staring at him with bright eyes, for once not acting like a moody teenager, and he had his fiancé smiling softly between the two of them. “Do you wanna start through the ice sculptures?” Buck asked, and Chris nodded enthusiastically. 

Buck carried Chris’ cup for him so he could properly walk with his crutches. Eddie linked an arm through Buck’s, his hand holding his bicep, and his other hand his own cup. They continued like that, walking through the different displays, joking with one another, and finishing their hot chocolates. 

It was at the light display of a nativity scene that he felt Eddie tense a little, and Buck wrapped an arm around him and steered him to a display of a castle with a dancing princess and prince. It was pretty, bright, and had lights that shimmered like ice in the sunlight. “It’s you,” Buck whispered with his lips brushing Eddie’s ear. “My pretty princess.”

Buck loved making Eddie flush. He always went so red, the apples of his cheeks always the reddist, and a soft pink spread down his neck and Buck knew it always went as far down as to his chest. He looked pretty flushed. “Buck,” Eddie whined. “Don’t call me that here.”

“No?” Buck tilted his head with an exaggerated pout. “You don’t wanna be my princess?” 

Eddie flushed an even deeper shade of red. “I didn’t say that,” He whispered.

Buck hummed and held him close. It was nice. Perfect. He could remember when he was a teenager, when he’d walk these very paths alone, and how he would stare at other couples longingly. He craved to have it. Craved to be loved and needed. Now, he had Eddie clinging to his arm, their son not far ahead of them talking with another kid he had met, and in true teenage fashion he was suddenly too cool to be seen with his parents. “When did he get so big?” Buck asked as he watched Chris throw his head back in laughter at something the boy next to him pointed at. Eddie sighed almost sadly- or maybe it was wistfully. 

“It seems like just yesterday I was helping him put his socks on and tucking him into bed,” Eddie said. “He’s going to be going to college soon.”

Buck groaned. “Don’t remind me.” 

Eddie and Buck walked a little behind Chris. Watching him carefully as he went from display to display, occasionally in his excitement he’d look back at them to point at something and then he’d go off again. “We could have another,” Eddie said as he stared at a display of the 12 nights of Christmas, different birds in different positions and colors. Buck stopped, and Eddie stopped to turn to look at him. “If you want.” 

“You-” Buck started and he took a deep breath and shuttered. “You said you didn’t want anymore.” They had that talk on the first date, Eddie laid it out, and despite Buck having always wanted a kid of his own. He was content with Chris. Chris was his kid. He got to be there for a lot of his firsts. 

“I’ve been thinking,” Eddie said with a small smile. “You’ve been a great Dad to Chris, and you’re great with Jee and Danny.” Eddie took a deep breath, Buck knew he was trying to ask for what he wanted, and despite all his hard work it was hard. “I want to have a baby with you. I wasn’t ready for Chris, I love him and don’t regret him, but I was a kid. I was confused and I wasn’t ready to be a husband and father.” 

Buck turned to face Eddie. He cupped his cheek, his thumb rubbed under Eddie’s eye, and he smiled at him. “You’re a great Dad.” 

“I missed four years of his life,” Eddie said. “I-” He took a slow deep breath. “I want to have a baby with you. I want sleepless nights, dirty diapers, screaming tantrums, and I want it all with you.” 

“You do?” Buck asked softly. Eddie nodded with a bright smile. 

“More than anything,” Eddie said sweetly. 

“I want that too,” Buck nodded, a smile nearly splitting his face. “I want a baby with you too.” 

“We’ll talk to Chris after we get back home,” Eddie said. “But he’s been begging me for a sibling since he was eight.” 

“I love you so much,” Buck said. His hand curled around the back of Eddie’s neck and pulled him into a kiss. “I’m so gonna knock you up.” Eddie laughed into Buck’s mouth, and he pulled back to look up at him. 

“That’s physically impossible.” 

“We can still try,” Buck giggled and kissed Eddie again. 

“Are you telling me a new kink right now,” Eddie whispered. “In front of the two turtle doves?” 

Buck hummed. “We can unpack it later.” 

“We already don’t use condoms,” Eddie giggled. Buck gasped a little dramatically, his hand flew to Eddie’s stomach, and Eddie laughed hard pushing him away from himself. “Idiota.” 

“I love it when you’re mean to me in spanish.” 

Buck was about to kiss Eddie again, but Chris was walking up to them. “My legs are tired,” He sighed once he was in earshot. Buck turned to face Chris. 

“Do you wanna ride on my back?” Buck asked. ‘piggy back rides’ were deemed extremely uncool, so he was trying to phrase it in a way that seemed cooler. 

Chris frowned. “Not really,” He sighed. “But,” He looked down at his feet. “I’m sore.” 

Buck crouched down a little, just enough for Chris to wrap his arms around his neck, and then he hoisted him up. He handed his crutches to Eddie. “We should head home,” Eddie hummed. 

“Yeah,” Buck nodded seriously. “We don’t want Santa to skip us because we aren’t sleeping.” 

Chris groaned again. “The presents are already set out, Buck.” 

Buck mocked him repeating what he said in a childish pitchy tone. “Would it kill you to pretend?” He asked. 

“It might.” 

“Alright you two,” Eddie sighed. “Let’s find Devil one and two and get outta here.” 

Buck sighed and shot Eddie a glare that held no heat. Eddie only shrugged and swung a crutch over each shoulder and began walking away leaving the two to bicker about the realness of Santa and following closely behind Eddie. 

~*~ 

Buck groaned as Eddie’s fingers dug into his thigh. “We need to look into getting Chris a wheelchair,” Eddie said as he grabbed the stick of icy-hot and began to lather it on Buck’s sore leg. It was a solid, dull ache that thumped under his muscle up and down his leg, but located near his shin where he was once crushed. Eddie had gotten his leg massaging skills down pat from the hours he spent tending to Buck’s bad leg, and while the pain always seemed to linger Buck swore it helped. 

Buck nodded and groaned again when Eddie pressed against a particular sore spot. “Maybe Carla knows someone.” Buck nodded. “He’s gonna hate it.” 

“I don’t know,” Eddie said. “I think he realizes he needs one too. Not all the time, but we can’t keep carrying him when he gets tired. He’s getting too big.”

Buck winces. “Easy, easy,” He groaned. 

“You have a knot.” 

“No,” Buck moaned. “Just leave it there.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes and ignored him. Buck wanted to swat him away, but he was better at massaging his bad leg. Eddie was focused, his eyes staring at his hands at the kneading into the thick of his thigh, and his hair was floppy and falling into his eyes. His stubble was growing out, and Buck wondered if he could rewrite the LAFD regulations. Eddie would look good with a beard. Maybe he’d have him grow one on their honeymoon. “Where are we going on our Honeymoon.” 

Eddie looked up at him, his eyes twinkling, and his lips twitching into a smile. “Wherever you want,” Eddie said easily. “Somewhere warm.” 

“You want to trade hot for hotter?” Buck asked and hissed when Eddie pressed his thumb against the stubborn knot again. “It’s scar tissue,” He groaned. 

Eddie shook his head. “It’s not.” Then he smirked at Buck. “Maybe I just want somewhere hot to keep you naked all the time.” 

“We could go to Mexico,” Buck hummed. “There’s this really pretty tourist place called Cozumel and it’s known for its clear water and pretty coral reefs. They even have hikes toward some Mayan Ruins and they do scuba diving!” Eddie was staring at him with that look. It was the same look that he has given Buck so many times before. A softness that was always in his eyes when he looked at Buck. It was the same look he had given Buck when Buck had cornered him in the firehouse gym all those years ago. When Buck was so threatened, so angry, Eddie had met him with soft eyes and a light smile. Confidence. It only got softer with the years. 

“I think my Dad would murder me if I went to a tourist spot in Mexico.” Eddie laughed. 

“It’s our honeymoon,” Buck said easily. “We can go anywhere.” 

Eddie leaned back having finally worked out the ache of Buck’s leg, and he grinned at his fiancé to climb the bed to kiss Buck. “You wanna go to Cozumel?”

Buck nodded with a sheepish smile. “You can flex your spanish,” Buck grinned. 

“At a tourist spot?” Eddie teased. “Where everybody probably speaks english?” 

Buck giggled and kissed Eddie. It was soft and chaste. Then Eddie weasled down into his arms, pressed his cold nose to Buck’s throat and wrapped his arms around him. “We could go to Greece.” Eddie sighed. “I think they still have some statues and stuff of the stories.” 

“We could go to Ithaca,” Buck smiled. “Maybe find Odysseus’ castle. Or go to Delphi or,” Buck was beginning to ramble, but he wasn’t shy about it around Eddie. Eddie encouraged it. He liked listening to Buck ramble. “Did you know Apollo

gave up Delphi for Hythinthus? Gave up his bow too. All his duties as a god he gave it all up. He wanted to spend all his time with him.” 

“Did he?” Eddie asked as he pressed a kiss to his neck and nuzzled his nose under his jaw. 

Buck hummed. “Some people say that Hythinthus was the greatest love he had ever experienced. Could you imagine a love like that? Something so strong that you’d give up the very things that made you you .” 

Eddie smiled against Buck’s neck, squeezed his arms tighter around him, and bit at his jaw. “I don’t have to,” Eddie said softly. “I’d give up everything just to spend all my time with you.” Buck couldn’t help but giggle as he moved them around so he could kiss Eddie. Their lips brushed and he wondered if this is how Apollo and Hyathinthus felt, if their love ached in their chests too, if it was hard to breathe when the other wasn’t around, and did Apollo burn with a fever under his lover’s touch? 

“Would you?” Buck asked softly. “Give up everything for me?” 

“I’d walk through fire without turnouts for you,” Eddie said matter-of-factly. Buck moaned softly and Eddie looked up at Buck with big soft brown eyes. “Anything you want is yours.” 

“I love you,” Buck whispered. It wasn’t enough. Words were not enough to describe the way Evan Buckley loved Eddie Diaz. He would try. He would sit down and try to write it all out, one day, and he would be as great of a poet as Homer or maybe even Socerates. 

“I love you,” Eddie whispered back. “So much.” 

It really was that simple. They loved each other and that was enough. 

~*~

Christmas morning had Buck up bright and early, Eddie was plastered to his side drooling onto his pec, and he was snoring even though he claims he doesn’t. He was beautiful. Aphrodite blessed. Outside it was snowing, it truly felt like it hadn’t stopped since their plane landed. Buck’s chest swelled and his heart felt so full. Eddie groaned, pressed his face further into Buck’s chest as if he were trying to disappear from the morning sun streaming in the window through the thin curtains. “It’s Christmas,” Buck whispered. 

“God,” Eddie moaned. “What time is it?”

Buck glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “Seven,” He whispered. 

“I’m gonna kill you,” Eddie groaned and promptly rolled over to shove his face into his pillow. Buck giggled and followed rolling over to drape an arm and leg over Eddie. “Too early.” 

“It’s Christmas baby.” 

“I had thirteen years of a kid jumping on me every morning to remind me,” Eddie grumbled. “Sleep more. He is.” 

They laid there for a few minutes, Eddie with his eyes closed and trying to go back to sleep, but Buck was tracing patterns on his arm and staring at a wall. To be fair, he was being quiet. It’s just, it was like Eddie could hear the thrum of energy coming off of him in waves. Buck was waiting for Eddie to cave, was waiting for him to sigh, so they could get out of bed and go downstairs. “I could make breakfast.” 

“Or sleep.” 

“Pancakes. I think my mom has chocolate chips-” 

“-sleep.” 

“Maybe with bacon or sausage. We should eat before exchanging gifts-” 

“-We could also sleep for another two hours.” 

“Maybe my mom has things to make cinnamon rolls.” 

Eddie sighed loudly, he flipped around in Buck’s arms, and he was met with Buck’s too bright of a smile and big, mischievous blue eyes. “You’re doing this on purpose,” He accused. Buck gasped and his eyebrows rose to his hairline. 

“ Me? Annoying you on purpose? Never.” 

“When we get home I’m getting you tested,” Eddie muttered and kissed Buck hard on the lips. Buck made a little noise and grinned. 

“For what?” 

“ADHD.” 

Buck snorted and rolled his eyes. Everyone wants him to get tested, and he already made an appointment for February. Still, that had nothing to do with him wanting to annoy his fiancé on Christmas morning. Eddie was rolling out of bed, yanking on his sweatpants that he kicked off at some point during the night, and Buck rolled to his back watching him get dressed. “This isn’t a free show,” Eddie stated, bitchily and grumpy from not getting to sleep in. Buck was wearing a toothy grin. “I was promised pancakes.” 

“Yessir,” Buck saluted and Eddie rolled his eyes. 

Buck began making breakfast, Eddie sat at the counter watching him, and it all felt so domestic that Buck wanted to cry. He brewed coffee, the faint aroma melting around them and perking Eddie up a little, and he smiled as he sat a steaming mug down in front of Eddie. Only as Eddie went to grab it; Buck moved it away puckering his lips all too cutely. “Kiss first.” 

Eddie tried to feign annoyance, but he was grinning like a fool. He leaned only slightly out of his chair to plant a wet kiss on Buck’s lips. “Mwah!” Eddie was dramatic about it, but it had Buck giggling as he placed the mug back in Eddie’s reach. 

Christmas music played softly, Eddie watched Buck as he whisked the batter, and hummed along to the radio. “How many should I make?” Buck asked as he poured the batter into the frying pan. Eddie hummed non-committedly and pulled out his phone to text into the team group chat that he hoped they all had good christmases. 

Buck continued to make breakfast, and the radio continued to play. Then a familiar start of a slow christmas song, and it had Eddie moving out of his seat immediately. He wrapped his arms around Buck, and pulled him against his front as he swayed them. “It’s our Christmas song,” Buck mumbled. Eddie smiled and turned back around in his arms, he circled his arms around his waist, and Buck draped his arms over Eddie’s shoulders. The Christmas Song by Nat ‘King’ Cole filtered through the quiet of the kitchen. They swayed to the beat of the song, staring at each other with looks that exclaimed how they felt, and it had Buck’s heart swooping in his chest. “I thought we wouldn’t get to do this this year,” Buck whispered. 

“I like dancing with you,” Eddie whispered. 

Buck pulled Eddie closer so that their chests were touching, and he pressed a kiss to Eddie’s lips. It was soft and lingering, neither moved to deepen it, but they kissed each other slowly. They let the warmth swarm them, let it distract them as they kissed and swayed, Buck only broke the kiss so he could flick the stove off. Then he returned to kissing Eddie and dancing with him. 

“I love you,” Eddie whispered against his mouth. 

“I love you,” Buck kissed his nose. 

It was perfect. Early morning light streamed through the windows, Nat King’s voice was fading toward the end of the song only for Frank Sinatra’s sultry voice to spill through, and Eddie was warm under his touch. He was soft, gentle, and beautiful. Buck brought his hand up to caress Eddie’s cheek, and Eddie leaned into his gentle touch and his eyes fluttered. “Merry Christmas, Princess.” Eddie blushed at the use of the pet name. 

“Merry Christmas, Mi Amor.” 

They were in their own little world for a moment,  a single blissful moment, and it was torn apart by someone clearing their throat. Buck took a moment to feel the pride swell in his chest when Eddie didn’t jump out of his skin at the noise. Instead he looked over his shoulder following Buck’s eyes to Philip’s form standing in the doorway. Eddie turned back toward Buck, and knocked his head into Buck’s shoulder trying not to laugh. “Morning,” Buck grinned. “I’m making pancakes, and coffee is already made.” 

“Am I interrupting something?” It was judgmental and harsh in tone, but it had Eddie biting back more laughter. With Eddie at his side Buck couldn’t find it in himself to be mad. 

“Not at all,” Buck grinned. He wrangled Eddie to turn around in his arms so that his back was pressed against his font. “Just enjoying Christmas with my Husband .”

Eddie let out an exasperated sigh. “Not yet,” He groaned. There was no heat in his words or the look he tossed Buck. Buck planted a loud and wet kiss on Eddie’s cheek and turned back to making breakfast. Eddie watched as Buck’s father gave them a wide berth as he grabbed his coffee, and he laughed and shook his head.

“What’re you so giggly about?” Buck asked, raising his eyebrow. Eddie swayed in closer to him and he kissed his cheek. 

“I just got caught kissing a boy,” He whispered. “By your dad.” 

Buck could only laugh, but he understood. Eddie was repressed, neglected, and he never got to have the embarrassing moments teenagers got to have. “You sure did, Babe.” Eddie was still smiling when he backed up, he grabbed his coffee and took a sip.

“I’m gonna wake Chris.”

“It’s only 7:30,” Buck chuckled. Eddie’s eyes were mischievous. 

“Payback's a bitch,” Eddie grinned. 

“You’re mean!” Buck called after him as he watched Eddie rush down the hallway. His heart was so full it ached. 

Philip cleared his throat, and Buck spared him a glance. He waited for him to ruin the glow, and he waited for him to unleash the storm cloud that he had been harbouring since yesterday- probably since they first arrived. It didn’t come, Philip sipped his coffee, and pretended that Buck simply did not exist. 

Approximately ten minutes later Eddie emerged with Chris thrown over his shoulder. “But it’s Christmas!” Eddie teased. “Santa came! We gotta open gifts!” 

“Dad!” Chris whined, but Eddie was laughing and even though he wanted Chris couldn’t hide his own smile. “Dad! Put me down!” 

“Buck’s making pancakes!” Eddie continued. He was using all the words Chris had used when he was so much younger, and it had Buck smiling down at the pan. 

Breakfast went normally, peacefully, and it lit a flicker of hope in Buck’s chest that maybe a new tide was forming. Maybe his parents finally saw how happy he was. They all sat in the living room to open gifts- a majority of them were for Chris. He got a lot of things ranging from new playstation games, to new books, to clothes. Buck’s parents had gotten Eddie and Buck a joint gift card to a nice Italian place in LA, and Eddie had thanked them politely. 

“Alright, Babe,” Eddie grinned. “This ones for you.”

Buck opened the gift with a smile, but then his mouth dropped open as he looked at the old camera sitting in the box. It looked antique. “Baby,” He murmured. “I can’t- this-”

“It was my Abeulo’s,” Eddie smiled. Buck’s eyes only grew wider. “Abuela said she wanted you to have it, she noticed you taking pictures at Thanksgiving, and she gave it to me to give to you.”

Buck was shaking his head, his heart hammering hard against his chest, and he was staring wildly at Eddie. “I can’t take this,” He said. “It’s so- I don’t want to break it.”

Eddie slid his arm around Buck’s shoulders and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Nobody would take as good of care of this camera as you would,” Eddie said softly. “It doesn’t work, but you went through that phase where you wouldn’t stop watching videos of fixing cameras. It’s a project.”

Buck had never felt so known in his life. He was understood completely and wholly, and his entire body ached with the knowledge. He stared at Eddie with watery eyes, and he wrapped around the back of Eddie’s neck and kissed him slowly. “Thank you,” He whispered against Eddie’s lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Sweetheart.” 

Buck gingerly set his present to the side, and he grabbed Eddie’s present and handed it to him. He watched anxiously as Eddie carefully opened the gift. Truthfully, Buck had thought shopping for Eddie would have been a lot more difficult. He remembered how he agonized what he should have gotten Taylor, but he knew Eddie inside and out. He watched closely as Eddie opened his gift, and then watched as Eddie’s eyebrows scrunched together as he pulled out a soft stuffed cow, brown, most likely meant to be a longhorn judging by the horns. “W-What?” he whispered with a soft chuckle. 

“It feels silly after the camera,” Buck admitted. “You said you never had many toys growing up- not even a teddy. So,” Buck motioned to the toy. Eddie was smiling, his eyes trained on the small toy, and Buck didn’t really feel silly. Eddie was smiling something soft and child-like. “Something small every kid should have had.” 

Maddie and Buck both had a lot of toys growing up. Looking back it was probably because it was easier than actually showing any affection. When Eddie had softly admitted that he never really got toys- specifically stuffed animals after they had bought Chris a dinosaur squishmallow- despite being fifteen he liked the soft toys. It was a quiet admission, but it broke Buck’s heart. He went out the next day and got him a plush toy. 

“I love it,” Eddie said, still smiling widely. He leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

They continued to open gifts, Chris always thankful and polite toward Buck’s parents gifts despite them being things he doesn’t really use or like. Finally as the presents dwindled. Chris slid to his knee and grabbed a present that was shockingly wrapped well, it was the same gift paper Buck had helped Chris wrap his dad’s presents but he didn’t remember this one. “This is for Dad.”

Chris handed it to Buck, and Buck smiled as he handed it to Eddie but Eddie didn’t take it. “Buck it's for you,” Chris giggled and smiled so brightly. “ Dad .” 

Buck’s heart stopped. He was sure of it. He stared at Chris with wide and glossy eyes, his mouth was opening but just sort of hung open, and Chris shifted a little uncomfortably. “Is that okay?” he whispered. Buck fell off the couch and yanked Chris into his arms. “Okay, okay !” Chris laughed. “Buck, please just open your gift.” 

Buck let Chris go and leaned back against Eddie’s legs which automatically spread a little to allow his body in. “Okay,” Buck said with his voice wavering. “Okay.” 

Buck carefully- almost gingerly opened the gift. There was a white box, the kind you’d put new clothes in for a gift, and Buck guessed that maybe Chris had gotten him a sweater or hoodie. Either way he was gonna love it and wear it all the time. When he opened the box, he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he pulled out a manila envelope. “Open it,” Chris encouraged bouncing in his place on the floor. Buck’s heart beat a little harder in his chest, and he glanced at Eddie for reassurance. Eddie was smiling, eyes watery, and he nodded at him. Buck opened the envelope and pulled out a small stack of papers. The first was a piece of paper not stapled to the rest, Chris’ scratchy handwriting clear as day, and Buck felt his breath hitch. 

Buck. 

You’ve been in my life for as long as I can remember. You’ve been my family for as long as I can remember. I’ve always looked at you as my 2nd dad, even when I was little and didn’t understand what you were to me, but I always said that you were my Buck. In Texas, when I talked about home I always said I had two dads. I told all my friends that I had two dads. I didn’t care you and Dad couldn’t figure it out because it didn’t matter. It’s not about that. 

You’ve loved me unconditionally even when i’m mean sometimes. You bake for my school. you make dinner and breakfast every day. You come to all my chess matches and science fairs. You answer all my questions. You’re my best friend. You’re my 2nd dad. I want to make that official. 

Will you adopt me? 

p.s i was gonna do this even if Dad and you didn’t get it together. I love you DAD !

Buck was a mess. His cheeks were red, his nose was snotty, and he was puffing out sobs that desperately tried not to let out. It was a losing battle. Eddie had his hands on his shoulders, he was a lot more composed than Buck, but he was crying too. “Yeah,” Buck nodded. “Yeah, Kid. I’ll adopt you.” 

Chris flung himself at Buck and Buck caught him in his arm. He thought that maybe this was what Chris needed. What he wanted all along. “Thank you,” Chris whispered against Buck’s cheek. “I love you, Dad.” 

“I love you too.” 

Buck’s heart was fluttering in his chest, and he pulled back despite not wanting to. Chris was pulling off of him and moving back to fidget with his new chess board. Buck looked at Eddie and he felt like he was going to fall straight into an open pit. How could he have gotten so lucky that he gets to marry the man of his dreams AND gets to adopt the perfect kid. “It’s real,” Eddie whispered. “I have another gift for you. Something small.” 

“Eddie- we said one each-” 

“I know, but,” Eddie revealed a small velvet box. “I was given one when I became a dad, so it’s only right you get one too.” 

“No,” Buck gasped. He opened the box to reveal a shiny st. Christopher medal. “You two are gonna kill me.” 

“Do you like it?” Chris asked with a small smile, and Buck melted into a puddle on the floor. Eddie gently took the necklace and placed it around Buck’s throat, and clasped it quickly and kissed the top of his head. 

“I love it.” 

For the fleeting moment it was just the three of them on Christmas morning. His parents weren’t watching them with loaded expressions, and Buck was so undeniably happy that he wanted to crawl into Eddie’s lap. He wanted to curl up inside of his chest and live there forever. “Thank you,” Buck gushed. “Both of you. I love both of you.” Chris was smiling shyly as he continued to toy with a few of his presents, and Eddie’s hands were on his shoulders with his thumbs pressing into the skin of his neck. 

“I’m sorry,” Margaret shook her head with a small laugh. “What is it? The necklace?” 

Buck stood only enough so he could sit on Eddie’s lap, one of his arms sliding behind him to toy with the hair at his nape. “It’s a Saint Christopher pendant,” Chris answered instead. “Dad got one before he left to finish his first tour, and now Buck’s got one too. Dad says it's his lucky charm.” 

“You’re my lucky charm,” Eddie nudged Chris with his foot. Chris made a face at him, one that was scrunched up as if he smelled something disgusting, and it caused Buck to fall into a fit of laughter. “Why the face?” 

“That was just,” Chris shook his head. “Cringe.” 

“It’s cringe that you love him,” Buck nodded sadly. Eddie pinched his thigh for that one. 

Nothing could ruin his mood, not his parents, not anything. He was happy. In love. Loved. It was perfect. 

~*~

Later that night Buck and Eddie were lazily kissing in bed, Eddie’s fingers tracing the pendant that laid on Buck’s chest, and Buck’s hand tightly grasping Eddie’s pendant. “Are you happy?” Eddie asked, and Buck pulled back looking into his fiancé’s eyes. 

“More than,” Buck answered. “You knew he was gonna ask me didn’t you?” 

“He asked me if it was okay,” Eddie said quietly. “He asked once when he was little, he was confused when I explained the will to him, and he thought it meant you were adopting him.” 

Buck hummed, nuzzled his nose under Eddie’s jaw, and yanked him closer. “I would have,” Buck admitted. “Adopted him then.” 

Eddie kissed Buck’s head and wrapped his arms tight around him. They were too tired to do anything more than lazily kissing wherever their lips landed, and letting their hands roam just slightly. “I probably wanted you to,” Eddit admitted quietly. “We’re all he needs.” 

Buck hummed. It was perfect. Buck had never thought he would have ended up here, not in a million years, but somehow by the grace of some divine being. He was the happiest he had ever been. Eddie had given him everything and more. He gave him love. He gave him a family. He gave him so much, and Buck was bursting with it. He was glowing and radiant with the waves of adoration coming over him in tsunami type waves. When he had joined the 118 he hadn’t been sure that firefighting would stick, he loved the adrenaline, and he loved the euphoria of saving lives. It was new and exciting, but he had spent so much of his life doing new and exciting things. He had liked bar tending. He had liked the navy seals. He had liked ranching. He loved traveling. Firefighting was just supposed to be another one of those jobs where he fully expected to grow out of it, and he waited an entire year for that itchiness under his skin to start. It never did. 

Firefighting- the 118 - his family had filled that giant hole in his heart. The itch never came. Although the job tired him, he was always excited to clock back in after a few days' rest, and was so eager to keep proving himself. To keep his family and heart fulfilled. 

Eddie was the mortar. He came in and seeped into the cracks around Buck’s heart with he and Christopher’s name. He glued the pieces together in a solid shape, and he taught Buck that there was nothing to prove. Buck deserved love. Loving Buck was easy. Eddie was the mortar to Buck’s fractured life. So no, Buck never thought he’d be visiting his family for Christmas with a fiancé and son, and he neve thought he’d have someone so firmly jump in front of him shielding him from his family’s insult engraved bullets. Although Christmas was nice; his parents had proved themselves to be who they were, and Buck silently vowed never to do it again. He would rather spend next Christmas with his family , the one he deliberately chose, handcrafted, and poured his blood into. 

A few years later at Christmas, Buck and Eddie would arrive with a daughter on each hip, one with adorable blonde curls and big brown eyes, and a distinct birthmark under her right eye. One with big blue eyes, dark brown hair, and a mole on her left thigh. Eternally thankful their genes dominated their daughters compared to the surrogates’ genes.  Christopher would be between them, smiling brightly, girlfriend next to him, and they would arrive at the Grant-Nash household feeling completely and utterly in love and overflowing with joy. It would be perfect and all consuming. Buck would cry when he and Eddie put their girls to bed because he never thought he’d get to have something so beautiful. Eddie would hold him and press kisses into his skin and he would finally know what it meant to be loved. Forever.