Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Nani peels back his eyelids. Squints at the morning sun invading his room through his window. Strange. He remembers drawing his curtains close before passing out last night. It was a long day of practicing and then going on stage to entertain hundreds of fans. He loves his job but it is quite draining too. Still half asleep, he reaches out for his My Melody plushie and comes up empty-handed. He stretches across his navy sheets to the other side of the bed where it must have fallen. Navy sheets? He doesn’t own navy sheets. Also, does his ceiling look a little strange today? It is familiar but it isn’t his.

He shoots up from bed, suddenly awake. This isn’t his room. He looks around, pulse picking up by the second. This looks like the set of High school frenemy except it feels more solid.

The door bursts open and Sky walks in with a towel around his neck. “You’re back.” He throws over his shoulder as he walks to the wardrobe. “I thought you were never going to come back.” He hangs the towel on a handle and takes off his shirt. There’s a purpling bruise on his side but that’s not Nani’s concern right now. He watches, with bated breath as Sky fits his thumbs in the waistband of his shorts and pulls them down.

Nani only gets a glimpse of his ass before whipping his head in the opposite direction with an undignified yelp. “Sky! Nani is—Nani’s is here. You can’t do that!”

“Shin?” There’s concern in his voice. “You okay?”

“Is this some kind of prank? Whose idea was it?”

“Shin?” The voice is closer but Nani doesn’t dare to uncover his eyes and look.

“Have you put something on?”

“No.”

“Why not!?”

“You’ve seen me naked many times.”

“Put on some clothes.”

“The fuck is wrong with you.” Sky mutters. Nani hears creaking as the wardrobe opens again, and rustling as he pulls clothes over his body. He’d have to give Sky a stern warning later. Little jokes on set were cool but this prank is a little over the top. How they moved him from his condo here without waking him is another question that should be answered.

“Was I drugged?”

“You can open your eyes now.”

Nani does slowly and exhales when he sees Sky fully clothed. This is the part where the others would come out of hiding with cameras and call it a prank but it’s just Sky watching him. “Where are the rest?”

“I don’t know. After you stormed out angrily, I called Ken. He told me he would take care of Zack and his minions alone.”

“Ken, Zack?”

“Shin.” Sky shrinks down to Nani’s eye level. Sad eyes reminiscent of a kicked puppy. I know I pissed you off big time last night but I swear I’m not going to get involved with them again. Can you stop acting weird now? It’s freaking me out.”

Nani wears a frown the entire time. Sky is too dedicated to this charade. “You’ve had your fun, now I want to go home.” He crawls closer to Sky. Points an index to his face. “You guys took it far this time around.” Sky meets his eyes. He cocks his head to the side, eyes narrowed in examination. “Nani is more disappointed in you than everyone else. I thought you understood me.” Nani starts to climb off the bed in anger but he finds himself pressed into the mattress with Sky straddling him. One hand fists his collar and the other palms his face, thumb, and index pressing into his cheeks. He turns Nani’s face from side to side then his eyes go dark. Nani has never seen this look in Sky’s eyes. Actually, he has—as Saint Thamnithit.

“Who the fuck are you?” Sky grouses, pulling the shirt tighter around his neck. Nani wraps his fingers around Sky’s wrist, making a feeble attempt at loosening the pressure on his neck. “I said who the fuck are you? Where’s Shin?”

Nani taps on his wrist. He might pass out at this rate. “Sky,” he forces out, eyes tearing up. “Let me go.”

Sky releases his neck but holds him firmly onto the mattress. “You’ve got two minutes to talk before I start punching you.”

“What has gotten into you!? Let me go.”

“Where’s Shin?!”

“I am sick of this game!” Nani is rightfully pissed now. He shoves Sky back. That takes all his strength but he pretends he isn’t winded. “Be lucky that I don’t file charges.”

“P’Saint, P’Shin.” Himawari, the actress who plays ChingChing skips into the room. She freezes when she sees them. “Are you two fighting again?”

“No, ChingChing.” Sky transforms into a different person again. He climbs off the bed and kneels before ChingChing, smiling softly at her. “Your Brother and I are fine.”

Her eyes flit between them like she doesn’t believe. “Last night, P’Shin slept in my room. I think he was crying but he didn’t want me to know.” She says this while looking at Nani. Nani stares at her, only getting more confused. How did they get her in on this? He’s starting to think that this isn’t a prank. But how? “P’Shin are you okay now?”

“P’Shin is fine,” Sky says. “Be a good girl on your trip, okay? Don't cause too many problems.”

“Bleh.” She mocks.

“Bleh,” Sky responds. 

“Uhm,” Nani says, crouching to her level. “I’ll see you soon.”

She smiles and hugs him. Nani hugs her back only because it’s what he’s been programmed to do for several months of filming.

“Chingching,” P’Took, the actress who plays Shin’s mom, sticks her head through the door. “Let’s go. Shin and Saint take good care of yourselves.”

“Okay, Mae,” Sky says as Himawari makes a little wave and runs away.

Their departure leaves the room in silence. Nani staggers back and sags against the wall, afraid Sky might leap at him again. Above Sky’s head are photographs of Saint and Shin in their school uniforms that Nani does not remember taking. Him and Sky are at a beach in one with him on Sky’s back smiling widely. He’d never allow himself to smile that widely. He did not take these photos. They are either AI-generated or he is dreaming, Nani concludes. He’s had dreams where he was Shin again. All he has to do is avoid this Sky look-alike until he inevitably wakes up. He will recount this crazy dream to Sky and they will laugh about it. 

“Where’s Shin?” Sky’s clone— because he refuses to address him as Saint even in his head—speaks up. He looks calmer now.

“I don’t know. I think I may be dreaming. Just wait for a few minutes and this will be over.”

Sky looks at him, one brow raised to the heavens. “What’s your Name?”

“Nani.”

“Nani, that’s a weird name.”

“Yeah, it’s Japanese.”

“Why do you look like Shin?”

It’s a ridiculous question but Nani humors him. “I’m an actor. I played his character. I dream about him —and you sometimes. But it’s usually fun stuff like being on set. Nothing as confusing as this.”

Sky is still looking at him like he’s a rat in a cage. “I don’t understand anything you’ve said and I’m trying not to freak out right now. The only reason why I’m not punching the lights out of you is cause you look as clueless as I feel.”

Nani shifts back at the threat. So maybe this isn’t a dream and Sky is just a good actor. He has seen Sky on set. He doesn’t break character that easily. That must be what’s going on. He slips out of the room expecting to see a camera crew downstairs with some people laughing but it’s empty. He hears Sky following him. He’s still following Nani as he makes his way through the gate and down the street. There’s no sign of the other cast and crew members. He walks to the Main Street to hail a cab. When he gets one, he quickly enters and closes the door in Sky’s face before he can join him.

He rattles off his address to the driver. On the way to his condo, he gets more irritated. This situation has been very tiresome. It would make sense if Mark or Kay spearheaded it but Sky’s involvement breaks his heart. It will take a while to forgive or trust any of them again.

The driver stops the car in front of a Chinese food restaurant. “We are here, sir.”

Nani looks out the window. The houses around are houses he walks by every day. The blue-gated apartment next to his condo is still there. The missing cat sign glued to the wall is still there. The trees bowing into the streets are all familiar. However, Nani’s condo building is nowhere to be seen. Instead, a Chinese restaurant called ‘Taste of the Universe’ stands in its place. 

He goes lightheaded. Squeezes his eyes shut to regain his bearings. What’s happening? His heart is beating too fast. He opens the door and falls out of the cab, too disoriented to even stand upright. He falters up the stairs of the restaurant. He is almost at the door when a hand fists his shirt. That would be the second time today.

“Pay me!” A man with wrinkle lines and chirping teeth barks into his face. “Pay me, you rascal.”

“Here, Sir.” Nani hears Sky’s voice first before he sees him climbing off a scooter. “Sorry, here’s your cash.” He shoves money at the man and yanks his hand off Nani.

The driver hurls a few more insults before walking off.

“You okay?” Sky’s face is hovering above his. He starts saying more things but Nani cannot hear him. His heart palpitations are off the roof and his breath is coming out fast and short. Sweat wets his forehead and trickles down his back. “Shin! Shin!” Sky is yelling now. He must be holding Nani upright because he doesn’t think he is. “Look at me. Just focus on me. Breathe in. Come on, take a deep breath.” Nani does as told. “Good, you’re doing good. Breathe out. Perfect. Just look at me. Breathe in, and out. Again in and out. Keep going.” Nani inhales and exhales until his breathing steadies and his vision clears.

The door to the restaurant opens. A middle-aged woman comes out with a glass of water. She smiles sweetly at them and wordlessly offers the glass. Sky thanks her and takes the water then holds it to Nani’s dry lips. He gulps it down and goes lightheaded again when Sky wipes spilled water from the side of his mouth.

“Are you okay now?” He asks, handing the glass to the lady who disappears without a word.

“No. My condo was supposed to be here.” He points to the restaurant. “I think I’m dreaming.” He reverts to this explanation because it’s the only one that makes sense now.

“I don’t think you are.”

“Nani wants to go home.”

“Where is your home?”

“Nani wants to go home,” he repeats. “Take me home. I want to go home now.”

Sky touches his arm carefully. “Let’s go back to the house and figure this out together.”

“How will we figure it out? I must be dreaming. I must be dreaming. This is a dream.” Maybe if he repeats it enough, it will become true. 

“Okay, you’re dreaming. Let’s go back to the house first.”

**

Nani is seated across from Sky. Too much time has passed for this to be a dream. He has pinched himself. Slapped himself. Almost threw himself down the stairs had it not been for Sky’s intervention. Maybe he should stop calling him Sky. This man may have Sky’s face and similar mannerisms but he isn’t Sky. He has spent enough time in Shin’s body to know it is Saint sitting across from him.

In Nani’s hand is a pink Samsung Galaxy just like what he owns but the Lock Screen is a photo of Saint and Shin in uniform. Nani recognizes this photo. It’s one of the selfies Saint and Shin took in the 12th episode. His face easily unlocks the phone. He stares at the screen not knowing what to do.

“Go ahead,” Saint says. “Most of our memories are in there.”

Nani touches the photo gallery icon. There are only two albums. One is the generic ‘recent photos’ album and the other is named, ‘Saint’. Nani frowns. Naturally, he opens Saint’s album and starts scrolling. The first picture alone is enough to make Nani blush. Shin appears to be asleep in the shot. His exposed cheek has ‘Saint’s’ written in blue marker and the artist, Saint brandishes the marker with a huge grin while he takes the shot. It only gets crazier after that. Just like the album was titled, it’s just Saint. Saint eating, Saint walking, Saint talking, close-up shots of Saint sleeping, Saint shirtless, sometimes with his back turned to the camera, other times smiling shyly at the camera, Saint at the boxing gym. Saint making silly faces at the camera. He looks like Sky in these shots which for some reason makes Nani’s heart clench.

There’s a video. Saint is sleeping in the beginning. Then the camera comes closer. Shin’s soft voice calls his name. When he doesn’t answer, the camera moves even closer.

“Hey, it’s your birthday.” Nani must be red in the face now. He doesn’t remember speaking that softly while playing Shin. “I know you’re up, don't make me hit you with a pillow.”

Saint’s sleeping face shifts into a smile. Without opening his eyes, he says, “It’s my birthday.” His voice is lazy and soft as Shin’s, if not softer. “Maybe you should kiss me instead.”

The camera shakes and then stays still. “Like the sleeping beauty?”

Saint’s eyes finally open and Nani feels like he’s invading their privacy. Saint's gaze through the screen makes him feel uncomfortable. Nani wants to stop watching but he can’t look away. “Yes, just like that. Com‘ere, Shin.”

“I have a cake.” The camera shifts and a slice of cake comes into the frame. “Stop messing around and wake up. You have no idea what I went through to get this slice.”

Saint’s face takes the screen again. He lets out a groan. “Shin, ugh.”

“Shut up.”

The video ends abruptly. Nani swipes hoping to see the continuation but it’s just another photo of Saint’s arms enveloping Shin’s waist from the back while Shin is laughing. Nani looks up from the phone. Saint is watching him. His gaze is disarming after what Nani just saw. He knows he is blushing but he cannot help it. Who says that to a friend? He can be naive sometimes but he knows this much is a bit bizarre. 

“Do you believe me now?” Saint says.

He has believed for a while now. “I do but it makes no sense.”

“You said you’re an actor where you come from?”

“Yes.”

“A famous one?”

“Not really.”

“You called me a name.”

“Sky.”

“Is that me in your world?”

“Yes, Sky’s an actor too. He played Saint—you. And I played Shin.”

“Shin makes me watch movies like this sometimes. I don’t get most of it because I’m usually asleep in 30 minutes but the general idea is that multiple universes exist with multiple versions of ourselves. Sometimes, the overseers of the universe mess up and things get switched around for a bit. But they get fixed in no time so we shouldn’t worry.”

Nani has seen the Avengers. He understands the concept briefly. Out of all his deductions, though wild,  this seems the most feasible. “How long do we have to wait? Nani has waited long enough.”

“I don’t know.” There is a long silence then Saint asks. “Are we friends?”

“Huh?”

“You and Saint. I mean, Sky. Me from your world.”

“Yes.”

He seems relieved. “Childhood friends?”

“No.” Saint makes a face. “We officially met about 2 years ago.”

“How have you been living until 2 years ago?”

“I have other friends.”

“But they aren’t me.”

“They are pretty cool.” Saint doesn’t look pleased by this response. “If Shin takes my place, he’ll meet them too.”

“He won’t. He will stick with Sky, he’ll stick with what he’s familiar with.” This is said with so much conviction that Nani doesn’t argue with him. “What is Sky like? Is he a good person?”

“He’s just like Saint—you. But smarter and less violent.”

“Less violent?” He’s frowning. “Shin would like that. Maybe he wouldn’t even want to switch back.” He smiles sadly. “I guess he got what he wanted.”

“I didn’t mean that in a bad way. I mean, you’re pretty nice too.” Saint says nothing so Nani doesn’t. They sit in silence for a few minutes. “Sky—Saint, how long do we have to wait? If it won’t be soon, can you get me something to eat?”

Saint lights up. Nani remembers how providing for Shin makes Saint happy. “I haven’t had breakfast either. Come on, let’s go to the kitchen. I’ll make you something.”

“Okay.”

Nani glances at Shin’s phone again, at a photo of Saint sleeping with his head on Shin’s shoulder. It is a lovely photo. Nani sighs and locks the screen. Then he quietly follows Saint to the kitchen.

Chapter Text

Shin wakes up in a bed larger than what he's used to. In place of Saint is a pink human-sized doll sleeping beside him. He can think of only one person sick enough to pull off something like this. Zack. After Jeng’s arrest, one of his underlings, Zack, decided to carry on the legacy of Jeng and avenge him. For months now, their gang has been terrorizing Saint, Shin, and Ken, itching for a fight that the boys refuse to give them. 

Shin for one has vowed to leave the gang life behind as his football career is quickly taking off. He also pleaded with Saint not to get involved with them and the idiot promised. But last night while he was waiting for Saint to pick him up from football practice, a call came in from Knot. Saint was fighting Zack and his gang members in an abandoned warehouse. Shin rushed there to find his best friend getting stomped on by a group of men. It had been two months of peace. Two months of just being boys and living happily like Shin always wanted. The sight of Saint in that position put a dent in the auspicious future Shin had envisioned for them.

After they joined forces and sent Zack and his gang of inexperienced tugs running, Shin refused to speak to Saint. 

“They kidnapped Ken.” He explained, trotting after Shin. “Was I supposed to leave our friend out there?”

“Yes!” He spun around. “Fuck, Saint, yes! You had to because you fucking promised me. I was waiting for you after practice. I waited for close to an hour and you were out there having your ass handed to you.”

“No, I wasn’t. I tripped and they had the upper hand for a moment.”

“Don’t make me kick you.”

“Kick me. Just kick me if that would make you forgive me.”

“You’re hopeless.” Shin kept walking. Saint fancied himself a martyr or a — saint. Shin was tired of it. Their final year was supposed to be stress-free. He doesn’t want any more fights. He doesn’t want to see his friend hurt no matter how much Saint insists that he's made of steel.

Even steel bends under pressure. 

At home, he paused at the foot of the stairs and faced Saint. “I don’t want to spend the night with you.”

“Come on.” He had his patented puppy look on, reaching out for Shin. “I don’t want to sleep alone, Shin.”

“Then act like someone who doesn’t want to sleep alone.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry! My face is busted all because of you. What do you think Coach will say to this? I’m gonna be benched. My ribs hurt because some fucking idiot kicked it in and I don’t think I’ll be useful to my teammates for a week! You’re too hotheaded and violent, Saint. I hate it. I—I love you but I'm sorry I can’t love all of you. Sometimes,” Shin saw the hurt on Saint’s face before he said the words. “I wish you were a different person. Enjoy your night. Or don’t. I don’t fucking care.”

Shin spent the night in Chingching's room, where he habitually hides after a fight. The price he has to pay for not only living in the same house but also sleeping in the same room with his number one tormentor.

Now, he groans as he sits up in bed. Tosses the pink doll to the side. It falls onto the carpet with a muted thud. The side of his face still stings from the punches he received yesterday. He doesn’t need to look at it to know the bruise is darkening. If Saint isn’t here with him, that means his sister and his mother are safe. Also, Zack isn’t stupid enough to involve a grown-up in his games. He only preys on high school kids.

Shin inspects the room. It is a pretty nice room. Just slightly bigger and more decorated than his bedroom. Shin is tickled by the photoshopped photos of himself looking like a celebrity, hanging around the room. Zack may be an asshole but he has a sense of humor. Shin goes through the bedroom door, holding onto his bruised side. It hurts to walk. In the living room is a display cabinet filled with dolls of different sizes and colors, pink being the most dominant. Shin rolls his eyes and snatches two of the dolls.

ChingChing would appreciate it. It could be a little gift to remember Shin by while she’s on vacation with her dad in Chiang Mai. There are a few baht bills on the center table in the living room. He stuffs them into his pocket. Thanks, Zack. He steps out carefully in case he has to fight the hoodlums at the door but thankfully, there’s nobody.

Outside the condo, he notices a couple of people looking at him like he has something on his face. Some hide their smiles behind their hands when they see him. Some look at him with concern. Must be the bruise. He jumps into the first cab he finds. On the way home, he thinks about Saint, and what he would say to him. Would Saint even come to him? The idiot tends to be avoidant after a fight. Another thing that pisses Shin off.

The car slows down in front of a Chinese restaurant though there’s no traffic ahead of them. The driver catches Shin’s car eyes in the front mirror. “We are at the destination,” he says.

Shin starts to argue that they aren’t but he looks out and sees his neighbors’ houses. This looks like his neighborhood. The only difference is that his house has been magically replaced with a Chinese restaurant. He would blame this on Zack but the fool isn’t powerful enough to make a house disappear. Shin pays the driver with the money he took from the table and exits the cab. 

One second he is staring at the restaurant, baffled, and the next he’s surrounded by screaming girls. He’s startled at first, hands coiling into fists, prepared for a fight. “P’Nani!! Nani! Ouuu hansome! What happened to your face? P’Nani where is P’Sky?” Their phones are shoved into his face. 

Fucking Zack, Shin thinks. He wouldn’t mind fighting girls but these girls don’t look like they can do much fighting. “Excuse me, no autographs, please,” he jokes as he pushes through Zack’s mob of screaming girls into the restaurant. The bell chimes at his entry. It is empty save for the middle-aged woman at the front desk. 

“Welcome to ‘Taste of the Universe’, do you have a reservation?”

Shin looks at the empty restaurant again. A dying establishment like this shouldn’t be asking for reservations. They should be outside begging people to come and eat for free. “No, I don’t and I don’t need one. I think I’m lost.”

“Aren’t we all?”

“Uhm I guess?”

“I’m afraid we can't be of much help to you. We are new here.”

Oh, he bets they are. Shin must have gotten a big kick to his head last night. His brain feels like a maze and things are getting jumbled up there. “May I use your phone to make a call?”

She smiles sweetly. “Of course.” Hands him an outdated Nokia phone. The kind with a blue light. Shin shrugs and takes it. Who cares as long as his call can go through? 

He keys in the only number he has memorized and waits. The call goes unanswered the first time. “Pick up, asshole,” Shin calls him again. It rings and rings then there’s a scratching sound and a tentative, “Hello?”

“It’s me,” Shin says. “Zack dumped me in some weird house and I think I busted my head because I’m seeing some crazy stuff.”

“Nani?” The voice says. “We’ve been trying to reach you for hours now. The live is about to begin. Where are you?”

“What the hell is a Nani? Come pick me up. People are looking at me weirdly. My face looks battered and my side hurts and I’m hungry.”

“What, where are you?”

“A Chinese restaurant called Taste of the Universe. I’m not even sure of the address.”

“I know it. I’ll be there soon.”

“Okay.” Shin drops the call and hands the lady her phone. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

“May I sit inside while I wait? There are some crazy people out there.”

“Feel at home.”

Shin takes a seat beside the window while he waits. The restaurant looks more like a Sharman’s reading room than one. Weird cards are hanging off the ceiling with red lights illuminating art that could easily be confused with sigils. Bored with the restaurant, he turns his attention outside. A few people walk by but nobody looks at the restaurant.

Shin can’t tell when he dozed off but when he comes to, the lady at the counter is standing over him. “Your friend is here.” Shin looks out. There’s a black Benz parked outside but no sign of Saint and his scooter. “He’s in the car.”

He frowns. What shit is Saint up to now? “Thanks.” He says again and stands up. The bell at the door celebrates his exit. A couple of people stare when he walks out but they thankfully keep their distance. Saint looks up from his phone when Shin opens the door and takes the passenger seat. He’s in a strange black cape and looks like he’s wearing makeup. 

“Hey.” He smiles softly, wincing when he sees Shin’s face. “Are you okay?”

“Drive. Just cause I called you doesn’t mean I forgive you.”

Saint sighs. “About yesterday, I was going to invite you to the temple but you said you were exhausted. I promise I’ll make it up to you. What happened to your face? There are videos online and people are speculating that you got into a fight.”

“What the hell are you even talking about?” Shin flicks the ear flap of the cape-like thing on his head. “Take this off. You look ridiculous.”

Saint grabs the flap with a combination of shock and confusion. “But—it’s kuromi.”

“I don’t care. I don’t know where you found this car but it better not get us in trouble.” He reclines his seat and turns away from Saint. “Please drive. I’m tired of fighting.”

Shin feels eyes on him for a while before the engine starts. Throughout the ride, the warmth of Saint’s gaze stays on him but he doesn’t scratch his own itch by turning to look at him too. Saint drives them through the city, away from their home to the underground parking lot of a building Shin has never seen before.

“We can’t use the front because of your face. People will talk.” Saint says and Shin turns to look at him. The hat is no longer on his head. He must have taken it off somewhere along the way. “The Royal Canin live has also been postponed. This will fuel rumors but it’s better to remain rumors than to be confirmed.” He exits the car and leans down to catch Shin’s eyes. “Are you coming?”

“I just want to go home.”

“I’ll drive you home after we’ve discussed with P’Som about how to quell the rumors.”

“Who the hell is P’Som? Saint, I’m not in the mood for your jokes. You get me beaten up and now you want to play around.”

Saint’s eyes narrow even further. He slides back into his seat and closes the door. “Did you just call me Saint?”

“Do you want to keep your front tooth?”

“Nani,” he speaks slowly as one would speak to a child. “You don’t think I’m Saint, right?”

Shin has to laugh now because Saint’s act is almost convincing. The asshole knows just how to placate him. Shin didn’t think he’d go to these lengths to get his forgiveness but with Saint, one can never tell his next move. The only thing Shin is certain of is how much he loves him. He humors his friend, posture relaxing. “Okay asshole, who do you think you are?”

“Sky. I’m Sky and you are Nani. We are actors.” He takes out his phone from his pocket, fiddles with it for a few seconds, and holds it to Shin. Shin takes the phone. It’s opened on a Google page. Hirunkit Changkham, nickname Nani. 27 years old. Actor. His most notable roles were MJ in F4 Thailand and Shin Naruebet in high school frenemy. There are countless photos of Saint and Shin in uniform. Then some of himself with Saint that he has never seen before. Shin looks through them in amazement. 

He looks up at Sky, heart racing. In cases like this, doubt usually precedes everything but Shin can feel it in his bones that this isn’t a ruse. Perhaps he felt the shift even from the moment he woke up; the women staring at him with goggly eyes, the flashy pictures in the condo he previously believed Zack put him in, the disappearance of his house. Shin dips a hand into his pocket and unearths two pink dolls. “I woke up in a condo with many of these things.”

“You woke up in your Condo?” Saint’s doppelgänger is wearing a frown that suggests that Shin should be locked in a mental institution.

“Okay so that’s my—his house.” Shin is getting progressively thrilled by the conclusion he’s coming to. He hates school and isn’t very bright when it comes to studying but he has absorbed a considerable amount of fiction to determine what is happening. “I think something crazy is happening.”

“Obviously.”

“I’m more certain now that you aren’t Saint. Saint is—Saint and you’re you.” Shin hopes he’s making sense. “You are like him but different. Plus, Saint is hotter.” The double seems startled by this. He starts to talk but Shin shuts him up. “Wait, hear me out okay. I am Shin. Last night, you—Saint fucked up big time. We got into a fight with Zack and his boys.” He points to his face. “That’s where the bruise came from. I was so mad at you, we fought and then I went to sleep in Chingching’s room. Next thing I know, I am waking up with some crazy doll.”

“My melody.”

“Huh?”

“That’s her name.”

“Oh, okay. Whatever. I think we got switched. I got switched with the actor.”

Sky stares at him for a long moment then he bursts out laughing. “Did you hit your head?”

“Not harder than usual.”

“You want me to believe you’re Shin, a fictional character who, by the way, was played by you?” He shakes his head. “This can’t be categorized as character bleed because it’s worse. If you’re Shin, how did you know my number?”

“I was calling Saint. Okay quick quiz, ask me something only Shin would know.”

“Shin is a fictional character. His thoughts start and end in the script. You’re the actor that played him. Of course, you would know everything about him.” He starts the car back up. “I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“No, you’re not,” Shin playfully grabs his hand and pins it into his lap. “I’m fine, I really am—what?” Sky is staring at him with open bewilderment. 

He glances at Shin’s hand still wrapped around his wrist. “You’re not lying.” He says breathlessly.

“You believe me?”

“You don’t have your red thread. Nani would never take it off.”

“Red thread?”

“It’s a long story.” He dismisses, eyes traveling across every inch of Shin’s body. “You’re strong too. I get behavioral changes after a head trauma but you don’t suddenly develop physical strength.” Shin blinks at him, confused. “Nani, he isn’t this strong. He can’t push me around like you just did.”

Shin lets him go. He leans back in his seat and sighs. Another car zooms into the parking lot, momentarily disturbing the silence. Shin twists his neck to look at the actor. He seems to be still processing. “Sky.”

“Hmmm?”

“Do you believe in multiple universes?”

“Like Dr. Strange?”

“Yes, that.” Shin smiles to himself. “Saint would’ve never gotten his name right. He falls asleep whenever I put MCU movies on.” Shin can almost see him now, Saint’s head lolling and dropping onto his shoulder. He was always a steady weight beside Shin, agreeing to watch movies together just to keep Shin company despite being exhausted from working in the noodle shop and making deliveries.

“Are you okay?”

Not really. He misses Saint a lot. “Yeah, I’m good. Your differences are jarring and yet you look exactly like him.”

“You said he was hotter.”

“Only slightly.” Shin grins.

“Nani would lose it if he knew someone with his face was going around saying things like this to people.”

“You know, your guy is going to get corrupted by Saint, right? He’ll come back swearing like a sailor. Saint manages to bring out the best and the worst in people.”

Sky looks worried for a second but after a moment, he schools his expression and says, “Not my guy.”

“Your Nani.”

“Just Nani. Not my Nani.”

Shin frowns. “Are you in love with him or something?”

“What, how did you even come to that conclusion?”

“Just now, you made a weird face.”

“I didn’t, we’re just friends.”

“You looked like you were trying to kiss me for a moment there.”

“Stop talking nonsense.”

Shin laughs. It’s easy to tease this guy. Probably because he thinks he can get away with it. “Maybe our theory is wrong and this is just a lucid dream. I’m probably in some hospital bed drugged out of my mind and imagining this but God,” Shin looks at Sky again. “I hope this is real.”

“Why would you want that? What about Saint? I don’t think he can live without you.”

“Saint has your Nani now. He’ll be fine.” He looks down at his hand. Says almost in a whisper, “Maybe we need this break from each other.”

“Not my Nani.”

“Saint’s Nani then.”

“He is not anybody’s Nani. He's just Nani. And if your life is half as crazy as what we portrayed, Nani wouldn’t last a day. He cannot fight. You and Saint are broke and Nani is a picky eater. He requires specific things to survive. Hell, Shin doesn’t even wear sunscreen.”

“Rude. I’m right in front of you.” He grins. “How rich am I?”

“I don’t know.”

“How rich are you?”

“Pretty rich.” Sky looks quite proud of himself. 

“Oh, I can tell by your ride. What do I drive? A Lambo?”

“You can’t drive. You don’t even have a license.”

“Why?”

“I guess you’re terrified of other cars. All the honking and blaring can be overwhelming.”

“You’re more like Saint than I am like Nani.”

“You aren’t that different. You’re just more brazen and corrupted.”

Shin lifts a brow. “You sure you aren’t in love with him?”

“How do I get Nani back?”

“What’s wrong with me? I can pretend to be uncorrupted for you.”

“We are too similar. Nani and I work because we are different. I help him open up and he helps subdue some parts of me.”

“So what do we do now?”

“I don’t know. I’m still trying to wrap my head around this. A part of me wants to believe you’re playing a character right now but the other part can tell that you’re not Nani.”

“Your Nani.”

Sky nods reluctantly. “My Nani. But what we can do is dress your wound so that it doesn’t get infected and leave a scar. Then I’ll drive you home to rest. We don’t have to go upstairs to meet P’Som today. I’ll give you a briefing about the people you’re most likely to come in contact with.”

“Thank you.”

“My pleasure, Shin.”

**

Sky is rudely awaken by his ringtone. He searches blindly for his phone in the dark and answers without checking the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“It’s me, Shin.”

Sky shivers. This will take some getting used to. “Why are you up at 3am?”

“You can call it jet lag.”

Sky laughs. He can’t help it. While Nani’s humor is deadpan and unintended, Shin knows he is funny. He has made Sky laugh all day. After their pharmacy run, Sky drove them to his house because going anywhere else with Shin’s face was just asking for others to be in their business.

He tried his best to dress up Shin’s face but in the end, Shin shooed him off and did it by himself. “You suck at this.” He said.

“I’ll have you know that I played a doctor once.”

“Must have sucked.”

So after Shin’s face is taken care of and ointment is applied to the bruise on his side, Sky forces him to watch a few episodes of My Ambulance. He complained for the first five minutes but was quickly pulled in by the drama. Sky had to pull him from the couch to eat dinner, which was a bit harder because Shin wasn’t easy to steer around like Nani.

After dinner, they watched another episode before Sky drove Shin to Nani’s condo. That was just 5 hours ago.

“Want me to sing you a lullaby?” Sky asks, switching on his bedside lamp.

“No, what I want is much simpler than that.”

“Let me hear it.”

“Come pick me up.”

“For what?”

“I may have become too dependent on having Saint close when I’m sleeping.”

Sky is familiar with Saint and Shin’s codependency but he’s still left momentarily speechless by this. “It’s 3am.”

“I’m aware.”

“And Saint isn’t close—ah.” He frowns. “Me?”

“Sadly.”

“Can’t you watch high school frenemy and fall asleep?”

“No. I skimmed through three episodes and got bored. There’s no way I was that miserable.”

Sky smiles to himself. “You kind of were.”

“Your opinion is irrelevant. Come pick me up before I do something crazy.”

Sky bites his lips, strangely entertained. “What are the damages if I don’t come get you?”

“I’ll probably start a live and tell everyone I got punched by you. Or I could lie that it was a lovers’ spat. I’d do this in a short sleeved shirt so they could have a full view of my wrist without the red string. There’s also the option of burning all your boyfriend's precious My Melody dolls.”

Sky doesn’t feel threatened in the slightest. Instead, his heart is pounding for a different reason altogether. “I see you’ve been online.”

“I’m an insomniac with WiFi. Be here in thirty minutes.”

“I’m coming.”

Chapter Text

Nani waits for the overseers of the universe to correct their errors.

He waits for 24 hours, then 2 days, and then 3 days. After day three, he understands that no overseers are coming to get him out of this mess. Maybe there was an epic battle like in Infinity War. The switch must have been like the snap. He resigns himself to his fate. Except for one time, he stays in bed all day and speaks to Saint only when he’s spoken to. He can tell Saint wants to do more but he is too despondent to offer Saint any kind of companionship.

It is another morning in what Nani likes to call, planet SaintShin. Saint is crouched at the foot of his bed and looking at him like he’s the alien that ate his wife. Technically, he is. It’s been one week since Nani arrived on planet SaintShin. Saint does not give him breathing space. He calls Nani Shin and looks like a kicked puppy when Nani tells him he doesn’t do skinship and would rather sleep on the floor or in Chingching’s room than share a bed with him.

Nani was pretty touchy with Sky as Saint. He had no reservations about it because that was the script and he is an actor but they aren’t acting anymore. Maybe if Saint didn’t look exactly like Sky, Nani wouldn’t be so weirded out by it. He’s close to Sky but they’ve never shared a bed before. He gets flustered keeping a five-second eye contact with his friend, whereas Saint just wants to stare at him all the time. As though staring would bring Shin back.

“Shin, is that you?” Saint says. He does this every morning and looks disappointed when Nani responds in the negative. It makes Nani feel de trop. He can’t be what Saint needs and he doesn’t want to be reminded.

Nani yawns as he sits up. He misses his own bed. He misses his pillows and his dolls. Shin’s bed is not uncomfortable but it’s not exactly what he’s used to. “No, it’s still Nani.” As usual, Saint’s shoulders sag. Nani looks down at his twiddling thumbs to hide his umbrage.

“What would you like to do today? Cable is hosting a party at his house. It might be a little bland because of his mom but we could use a change of scenery, you know?”

“Can I stay at home? Nani would rather stay in.” The last time they stepped out of the house was about two days ago. They were surrounded by some men wielding sticks and knives. That was the second scariest experience of his life. It was even scarier because Saint had to fight them and protect him at the same time. All he did was squeeze his eyes shut and hold his arms over his head as though something was going to drop from the heavens. Shin would’ve been more useful in a situation like that. It’s no surprise why Saint loves him so much. 

“Okay.” Saint reaches out and touches his leg under the covers. “Sorry.” He immediately retracts his hand. “I forget.”

“It’s alright.” Nani folds his legs to his chest. Saint’s eyes track the movement. Nani can see the heartbreak in his eyes. In the way his deep sigh wavers and the way his fingers flex on the sheets. Nani wishes he could make him feel better but Saint needs Shin and he isn’t Shin. “I’m sorry.” All they do is apologize to one another.

“It’s not your fault.”

“You can go to Cable’s party alone. I don’t want to keep you from your friends. Go and have fun.”

“No. I can’t leave you here alone.”

“Nani doesn't mind. I can stay here and browse online. There are still many things I have to learn about your world.”

“Sure?”

Nani doesn’t want to be left alone but he doesn't want Saint’s life to be all about babysitting him. “You have your own life to live.”

“You said you wanted some things. I could get them on my way back.”

“Okay.” Nani opens the drawer of the nightstand and pulls out the plain A4 sheet he wrote his needs on. Saint frowns as he takes the list from Nani. Corks his head as he reads it. “Is there a problem?”

“Come on, Shin—,”

“Nani.”

“When you said you needed some things, I thought you wanted your favorite brand of shower gel and shampoo. This is a lot.”

“Never mind then,” Nani reaches for the list but Saint swipes it out of his reach.

“Sleep spray? What is that?”

“It helps me sleep at night.”

“You’ve been sleeping just fine.”

“I just think I’d sleep better with it.”

“You’d sleep better if you stopped googling yourself all night.”

Nani pouts. “How did you know that?”

“SkyNani high school frenemy. SkyNani starlympics. SkyNani promise music video, SkyNani—,”

“I’m changing my password.”

“You do that.” Saint squints at the sheet in his hand. “Sunscreen? Night cream? What is an eye mask?”

“It’s to reduce—,”

“Never mind. What is a toner? Clay mask, lip balm… makeup remover? You don’t wear makeup.”

“I'm an actor—,”

“Not in this universe. My melody toy? You want toys?”

Nani lifts his brows. He won’t let this Sky look-alike speak down on his interests. “Yes, I want toys. I don’t see the problem.”

“Well the problem is—,” he pauses when Nani flinches at his loud voice. “Sorry, I’m sorry.” His tone is gentler. “See, I understand that you may be well to do where you come from but here, we aren’t that loaded. I have inherited debt from my dad. I'm saving for uni because Shin insists that I go. I need money for a new bike. Then we have basic needs like food and clothes. These things,” he shakes the paper. “They are the last things on our minds.”

Now Nani feels bad and he wants to cry. He’s usually more considerate of their people’s conditions than this. Does he have to work like Saint for money now? He doesn’t think he could ride a bike in the sun delivering meals. He cannot play football like shin either. The last time he played any football was during the starlympics and he got tired pretty quickly despite playing with amateurs like himself. Saint gets wobbly behind his eyes. As if being an inconsiderate jerk and being poor isn’t enough, he is embarrassing himself like this in front of Saint too. Shin wouldn’t cry.

“Shin,” Saint reaches for him on instinct. Halfway to Nani, he must have remembered that he wasn’t Shin. He drops his hands and falls back to the foot of the bed. He looks helpless and Nani who hasn’t shed a tear since coming here has found the perfect outlet to release all the frustration he’s been holding. It has been a hell of a week and who knows how long he’d have to endure this for?

“Okay let’s do this.” Saint is saying. “What’s the most important thing on that list? I’ll set some cash aside and get it for you.” He is desperate. He sounds it.

Nani doesn’t answer right away. He cannot make himself stop crying. When he eventually does, he looks at Saint through waning tears. “Nong my melody.”

“The toy?” Nani nods. “Okay, perfect. I’ll get you that.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. I just made you cry.”

“I wanted to cry. You didn’t make me cry.”

“Oh?” Saint eyes him. It’s similar to how Sky used to look at him when they were getting acquainted. It’s a mixture of disbelief and curiosity. “I see. Do you do that often, cry because you feel like it?”

“No. That would be weird.”

Saint bursts into laughter. “That would be weird? You’re—you’re special Nani.”

“Thank you.”

Saint laughs again. Nani finds comfort in the sound so he smiles back, feeling way better than he did some moments ago. “Nani, this may not be the life you’re accustomed to but I’m going to try my hardest to make it a memorable experience for you.”

“How memorable? Will there be more fights?”

“No,” he smiles. “I won’t let any harm come to you.”

There’s a twist in Nani’s chest that could be associated with hunger. This is the first time Saint has shown any interest in Nani that didn’t have to do with Shin. He holds Saint’s earnest gaze for a few seconds before ripping his eyes away, staring at the cleats on the trophy stand by the window.

**

Saint doesn’t go to Cable’s party. Instead, after showering and breakfast, he drags Nani downstairs to the living room. He’s somehow stronger than Sky.

“Let’s play a game.” He says as he lowers Nani onto the couch. “I’m going to show you some stuff and you’ll tell me if you have that where you come from.”

“Okay.”

Saint plays some music, shows him famous landmarks, and names some famous brands. Nani identifies almost all of them except for some music which he guesses he just hasn’t heard before.

“Do you have something that we don’t?” Saint asks as he sits beside Nani on the two-seater couch.

“From what I’ve seen, not much. Everything is the same except my house.”

Saint stares at him for a while. “You look so much like Shin. It’s bizarre to think you’re not him.”

“I feel the same about you and Khun Sky.”

“Khun?” Saint is smiling. A dimple forms on his face. Cute. “Tell me, is there something I should know about you or Khun Sky?”

“Like what?”

“Will Shin like Sky? That sort of thing.”

“Definitely.”

“Can you at least lie?”

Nani laughs. “Sorry, I thought you wanted the truth. Sky is naughty most of the time and doesn’t listen to anyone but he is charming too. If Shin is anything like what I know, it might be a disaster having them together. They’ll enable each other’s bad behavior.” 

They say nothing for a while. Saint has a faraway look in his eyes. Nani remembers the video on Shin’s phone. Saint's eyes and the way they looked at Shin. Saint sighs, loud and depressing. “I miss Shin.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“That I’m not him.”

“I’m not,” the light from the television shines in his eyes. He shifts closer and gently nudges Nani’s shoulder with his. “You’re kinda sweet too. A little too soft and just the right amount of weird. It helps that you have Shin’s eyes.”

Nani laughs. He has been laughing a lot today. “I have his everything.”

“Mhmm?” Saint lifts a brow. His eyes go from the top of Nani’s head to the feet on the carpet. “Everything? I haven’t seen enough to confirm that.”

“What do you mean?”

He shakes his head and laughs. “Nothing. What about you? Don’t you miss Sky?”

“I do.”

Saint hums and falls back against the couch. “That’s too bad that we are stuck with different versions of the people we truly care about.”

“I care about you.”

He peeks at Nani from the corner of his eye. “You don’t even know me.”

“You’re Saint.” Nani doesn’t know how to explain that so he doesn’t. He knows Saint as a character and loves that character through Shin’s eyes. And he cares about Saint, the guy who has been accommodating and attending to him since he got here.

“And that’s a good thing?”

“Yes.”

“I wish Shin would hear this. He doesn’t like it when I’m too Saintlike. He’d rather I was sweeter. Maybe someone like your Sky.”

“Sky is sweet.”

“Again?” Saint says, chuckling. “You’re supposed to lie to me.”

“Sorry, I don’t do too well with these things. Nani will try harder.”

“How sweet are we talking about?”

“Like—like lime.”

Saint laughs so hard that he slides from the couch onto the floor and then he continues laughing until Nani starts laughing too. Nani gets up from the couch and sits beside Saint on the floor, legs stretched in front of him and neck resting against the couch cushion like Saint is.

Saint’s laugh rises whenever he turns to Nani. “I promise I’ll stop,” he says between laughter. But he doesn’t stop until a couple of minutes later. He looks at Nani, “You’re a breath of fresh air. I’m going to keep you.”

“Were you going to kick me out before?”

Nani’s expression must have made him laugh again. This time, it’s a soft chuckle. “I don’t think I have it in me to turn away a face like yours. I was going to keep you anyway.”

“Thanks.”

“Thanks?” Saint says with a breathy laugh. “You’re welcome, I guess.” Saint holds his gaze for a second. “Tell me what you think I should know about you.”

“I hate sudden sounds. I can do most things but I get tired pretty quickly. I eat a lot of things but there’s a lot I don’t eat either.”

“Mhhm?” He urges.

“I’d like to learn how to cook but it’s too hot in the kitchen.” Saint’s lips curve slightly at that. “Before coming here, I had just hit my big break. I mean, I think I did. I got everything I wanted, recognition for my art and hard work, a supportive partner, and sweet fans.” Saint listens to Nani speak. At some point, it feels like a rant but his companion encourages him to speak more. So he talks and talks. He hasn’t talked as much in his life. After a while, he notices Saint’s eyes drooping. Then they eventually close.

Saint’s dark hair spills onto the couch. The curls blend into the dark cushions so that it looks like Saint is fading into the material, like any second from now, all of him will vanish and Nani will be left alone in this unknown world.

“Saint, wake up.” Stay with me. 

“Mhm?” His eyes remain closed. Nani is reminded of that video on Shin’s phone again. What would Shin do in his place? Would he stroke Saint’s cheeks to keep him awake? If Nani did that now, would Saint smile at him the way he smiled at Shin in that video?

Nani shakes his head, feeling warm in the face. What is he thinking about? He feels silly and yet he doesn’t stop. “Wake up.”

“I’m tired. Let me sleep for a while. I haven’t had a proper sleep for days.” Saint opens his eyes briefly. “Don’t move. I can only sleep when you’re near.” He closes his eyes again. 

“It’s Nani. It’s just Nani.” He feels like he should remind Saint. Probably himself too. He isn’t Shin. He isn’t the one Saint needs. He isn’t the man Saint smiled at like that.

“Just Nani is good for me.”

Nani rests beside him. He watches his smooth face and the dark hair melding with the couch. Without meaning to, his fingers rise to Saint’s hair, carding through the locks. Saint’s lashes flutter as they open. Drowsy eyes stare at Nani. “Saint can touch Nani. We can share a bed.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. You’ve been very nice to me.”

“Is this a reward? You don’t have to.”

“Nani wants to.” He isn’t trying to take Shin’s place, far from it. He doesn’t know how long he’s going to be here for but he hopes that Saint will look at him like he looked at Shin in that video. That would be really nice.

“Okay.” Saint smiles and closes his eyes again.

Nani’s fingers keep their careful motion through Saint’s hair. He feels solid in his hands. Saint isn’t fading. He’s here. Nani closes his eyes and lets himself doze off.

Chapter Text

“Hey, I made breakfast.”

Shin groans and pulls the covers over his head. “Five more minutes, Saint.”

Saint peels them off. Whispers, “Wake up. School is in an hour.”

“Just five minutes.” He peeps at Saint through one open eye. Pats the space beside him. “Come sleep with me for five minutes.” Saint is easy. Shin chuckles as he chucks his jacket in a hurry and leaps onto the bed. His arms go around Shin and under his shirt, hugging him to his chest.

“Feels good, Shin. You always feel good.”

“Hmm.” Shin snuggles into his warmth. Just as he’s sinking into sleep again, an alarm goes off.

Shin jerks awake from yet another dream about Saint. He looks at the white sheets pooled around his waist and sighs. Still with Sky. Sleeping soundly beside him is Saint’s doppelgänger. Sky is most similar to Saint in slumber. Long lashes brushing his cheeks. A little frown between his brows. And a beauty mark just below his eyelids. He’s usually up at 5 am to go jogging but it looks like he’s sleeping in today.

Shin pulls out wads of cash from his pocket back onto the nightstand. Four days ago, he got the bright idea to start sleeping with money taped around his body so that when he woke up in his universe, he’d be waking up rich. Sky refused to sleep next to him if he did that so he settled for just stuffing enough into his pockets. He still hates it but he lets Shin be Shin.

Celebrity life is not that bad when he doesn’t have to deal with the celebrity part. In the past seven days, with the help of makeup to conceal his bruises, Shin has attended three events, had a photoshoot, and video called lucky fans. At these events, he has been forced to sing, dance, and play outrageous games. It was embarrassing tripping on his own feet while dancing and almost damaging his vocal cords for a particularly difficult note but people thought it was cute.

Playing games was the simplest part. Shin has been playing games all his life. He played with all his strength and came out on top to everyone’s astonishment. Apparently, his counterpart has never won a single game before. People on the internet were of the consensus that Sky let him win because he loves him. Shin won these games fair and square! 

The hardest part about being a celebrity was having to face the fans one-on-one. He feels like an imposter whenever they call out Nani’s name and declare how much they love him. He never knows what to say to them in return. He also can’t deal with all the dolls they keep foisting on him. Some go the extra mile to lob them if he is too far away. If he gets another My Melody doll tossed at him, he might have to throw hands. 

Another unpleasant part is talking to the press. They ask stupid questions that Shin neither has the media training nor patience to accommodate. Sky has to jump in and bail him out on several occasions.

Shin does not mind photo shoots or the money that comes with being famous. Everyone loves money and he isn’t an exception. With money he has earned from just three events, most of their burdens back home will be resolved and Saint wouldn’t have to break his back working anymore.

Now, Shin feels lighter after offloading the bills from his pockets. He lies back down, stretching his limbs without the obstruction of lumpy pockets. When his feet touch Sky’s under the blankets the first time, it is unintentional. The second time, however, is deliberate. He slides his feet against Sky’s calves and wiggles closer to him, sighing when he is swathed by Sky’s body warmth.

“No, Shin,” Sky says. His voice is low and raspy with sleep. ‘No shin’ and ‘How do I get Nani back?’ are his favorite things to say. 

“Yes, Shin.”

“Your feet are cold.”

“Warm them up.”

“Get away from me or I will kick you out of my house.”

If Shin had a dollar for every time Sky threatened to kick him out, he’d be swimming in millions. He shifts even closer to him and chuckles when he groans. “But I’m cold.”

“Turn off the AC.”

“Then it would be too warm.”

“Shin, you don’t have an AC at home.”

“That was uncalled for. Are you being stingy with your wealth?”

“All you’ve done since your arrival is invade my home, and my bed, and spend all my money.”

“All your money? That’s an overstatement.” He looks up at Sky. “Have you noticed that for all your complaining, you haven’t pushed me away?” Shin isn’t surprised when he’s shoved away almost immediately. “So predictable.” He laughs. “What’s on our schedule for the day?”

“Will you ever memorize your schedule?”

“No.” He rolls over and presses his back against Sky. Sky lets him snuggle into his chest for a few seconds before shoving him away again.

“Memorize it.”

“I just think it’s useless.” Shin sits up and folds his legs into the yoga resting pose. “I could get beamed up or whatever today or even the next second. Then what do I do with the schedule stuck in my head?”

“Your logic is impossible to argue with.”

“Or you’re just bad at arguing just like Saint.”

“I’m pretty good at arguing. I’m nothing like Saint.”

“You’re right. Saint would let me cuddle him.”

Sky peers up at him through sleepy eyes. “You have to stop messing around. Nani and I don’t do this whole cuddling thing you and Saint got going on.”

“I’m not your boyfriend, am I?” Sky’s exasperation makes Shin laugh. “I’m Shin. Just treat me like a cuter, less stuttering version of your boyfriend.”

“Nani is cuter.”

“Yeah right. Have you seen this face?” Sky is smiling widely at his antics now. “I mean, it’s one of a kind.”

“First time seeing anything like it.” Sky plays along. He pulls himself up, stretching his arms above his head. Rolls his eyes when he spots the bundles of cash on the nightstand. “What do you even need all that money for?”

“Saint—,”

“Of course.” He rises and stumbles towards his en-suite. Shin is on his heels.

“What does that mean?” He enters the bathroom after Sky and holds out his toothbrush for the paste to be applied to it. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous.”

Saint gives him a deadpan look. “Sure, I’m jealous of the struggling delivery guy with no prospects in life.”

“Hey!”

“Whose whole existence revolves around his equally broke best friend.”

Shin is stunned into speechlessness. That was a pretty good read. Uncalled for but good nonetheless. “Shut up,” he says without a bite. “Just shut up.”

Sky smirks and starts brushing his teeth. They brush side by side with Shin pressing his shoulder into Sky’s for attention. Sky doesn’t give it to him. When they are done, Sky faces him again. “Get out, I want to take a shower.”

“Once again, there’s nothing you have that I haven’t seen—ah! Let me go.” Sky takes his shoulders and steers him out of the room, shutting the door in his face.

“I’ll break the door, Wongravee.”

“I’d like to see you try, Hirunkit.”

“It’s Naruebet, you asshole. Can you stop thinking about him for a second!?”

“Fuck off!”

Shin kicks the door once and marches to the bathroom in the guest room. This is where Sky wanted him to stay but Shin insisted on sharing a room with him. The truth is that Shin and Saint have spent a few nights apart, especially after their fights. He’s quite capable of sleeping apart from Saint, albeit fitfully. However, he is terrified of being alone in this unknown place. Saint is his home and Sky is the closest thing he has to home.

The smell of coffee reaches Shin’s nose from the bedroom. He follows the smell to the kitchen where Sky is brewing coffee on his clean and shiny counter. He’s in a big morning robe and his hair is still damp from the shower and falls limply on his head. Adorable.

“No work today?”

“Today’s our free day.” He looks up and smiles. “What are you wearing?

Shin looks down at himself. Tugs at the My Melody onesie that a fan shoved at him the other day. It’s quite comfy. “Don’t make fun of me. What should we do today?”

“I’ll visit my restaurant and go see my brother later in the day then maybe the gym in the evening.”

“What about me?”

“You can memorize your schedule—,”

“Not happening.”

“— or go back to your apartment. Maybe spend two or three days by yourself.” Sky fills a cup with coffee and drags it across the counter to Shin.

“Thanks.” He curls his fingers around the warm mug. “Also not happening. Your boyfriend doesn’t even own a microwave.”

“He owns an air fryer. It’s multipurpose.” 

“Listen, those dolls scare me, okay? I think they walk around when nobody is watching. No, I’m serious.” He adds when Sky chokes on his coffee and starts laughing. “I remember one rolling her eyes at me the night you came to pick me up.”

“Don’t talk about my melody like that.”

“Tsk tsk, defending your boyfriend’s honor when he’s not even here to see it. Can I just follow you around today? Cross my heart I won’t cause too many problems.”

“In your own words, not happening.”

“This is not how you speak to Nani. I’ve seen some clips, you’re nicer to him.”

“Get off TikTok.” Sky brings his face forward. Smiles cheekily. “I’m nice to him because he’s a nice guy.”

“I’m nice too.”

“And I’m the pope.” He holds his empty cup under the running tap. “Remember to eat and don’t break anything while I’m away. I’ll see you in the evening.” He waves as he disappears into his room, his robe belt trailing behind him.

Shin is still by the coffee maker when Sky exits a few minutes later looking dryer. He’s in a basic blue long-sleeved top and tan pants with dark shades pulling his bangs back from his face.

“Are you just going to leave me here?”

“Looks like it.”

“Saint would never leave me behind.”

“I’m not Saint.”

“Don’t go, please.”

He does the opposite. “Watch me leave.”

“You don’t want to leave me all by myself, Wongravee.”

Sky must have sensed the threat in his voice. He pauses at the entrance and slowly turns around. He looks Shin up and down. “Okay, let me hear my damages.”

“I’ll shave off all your hair while you’re asleep.”

Sky shrugs. “I look good bald.” He turns and leaves.

**

“Pick up, psychopath!” Sky yells at his phone. He finds the nearest curve and makes a U-turn. The call drops without an answer. He immediately dials the number again. It connects after the third ring. “What is wrong with you!?” 

“I’m lonely.” Is Shin’s calm reply. “I’m so lonely, who knows what I might do next?”

“Do you have any idea of the gravity of what you’ve done?”

“I don’t but I get the feeling you’re going to tell me anyway.”

“You shared a picture of me making coffee in my morning robe with the caption ‘mornings with Khun Sky’ on X!” Sky is about to burst a vessel. Shin will destroy him and Nani before he fucks off to his own universe. “Do you know what that suggests?”

“I have another one of you sleeping and another of you shirtless on the couch.”

Sky breathes in and out. “Shin?” He calls carefully. 

“Yes?”

“I’m almost at the condo.”

“Hurry. The longer you take, the lonelier I get.”

“This is cheating! This is not the damage you promised.”

“Desperate times. Don’t use your phone while driving Khun Sky, it’s not safe.” A beep signifies the end of the call. Sky steps on the accelerator. He ignores the notifications flooding his phone. He won’t be touching his phone for the next 24 hours. Fans are definitely going crazy. News outlets are shooting out ridiculous headlines. The teasing will be incessant. 

He turns into his garage and jumps out before the engine dies. The elevator feels glacial today. When he opens the door to his condo, Shin is seated on the floor at the entrance, just waiting for him.

“Why are you panting? Did you run here?”

Yes, he did. “No.”

“You made it right on time. I was just about to tweet ‘Wu is a bl’ before you barged in.”

Sky cannot believe his eyes or his ears. He thought Nani was a little crazy from time to time. But Nani’s craziness made him feel fond and protective. Shin’s insanity is a different kind. It’s one that both terrifies and excites him and he does not know what to make of that. “You’re batshit.” He whispers this. “I don’t remember Shin being like this on the show.” 

“You mean the show where you and my lookalike fluttered your lashes and pined for each other for 16 episodes?”

“How do I get Nani back?”

“Don’t be like this.” Shin pulls himself up to his full height, stepping closer to Sky. “I thought we were having fun together, Khun Sky.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Why?” He comes even closer. Too close that Sky has to hold his breath. “Does that do something for you, Khun Sky?”

“What are you playing at?”

“Would you be nicer to Shin if Shin referred to himself in third person, wore my melody more often, and stuttered whenever you got close, Khun Sky?”

Sky regards his daring eyes. They are Nani’s and yet glaringly not his. There’s a part of him that desiccates whenever he allows Shin so close. There’s another part that comes alive like a hydrangea in the summer, big and colorful. This part encourages him to surrender all his scruples and play along with Shin’s games. Sky takes a step back, swallowing. “Go change into something that’s not a onesie and let’s go.”

Shin’s eyes linger before falling off Sky’s face. He bites his upper lip, his gaze flicking upward. “Yeah, whatever.” He turns away with an annoyed huff.

“Don't be long,” says Sky.

“You’ll wait anyway.” 

**

Shin sits with his half-eaten sandwich and his phone. Sky is somewhere in the back of the restaurant on CEO duties. Occasionally, he sticks his head through the door to check up on Shin. Probably to make sure he’s not lonely enough to drop something else on X.

Their name, #skynani is still number 2 on the trending list. Aside from the photo Nani shared, a fan spotted them entering Sky’s restaurant together and has shared new photos to fuel their excitement.

Are they living together now?

Who is more codependent, SaintShin or SkyNani? 

Nani has been so loud lately. There’s a switch.

I think Sky already asked him to be his boyfriend.

No respect for the single community.

No wonder Nani was wearing Sky’s hoodie the other day.

SkyNani living together? We are getting that BL soon everyone!

SkyNani official CP announcement incoming.

SkyNani, the first couple to announce their real relationship before their BL. 

They are fucking!

Of course, Sky and his boyfriend take all the credit for Shin’s hard work. Amongst the ‘SkyNani are so sick for each other’ discussions is one tweet asking if Nani changed his red thread. Shin looks at the red thread around his wrist. Sky went out the morning after he arrived and came back with it. “Never take this off” was the instruction as he tied it around Shin’s wrist.

Shin snaps a photo of his wrist with the thread and replies to the girl: brand new thread, brand new me. He watches the numbers on his post accumulate within seconds. This is what fame is. Is it not supposed to feel more—fulfilling? From what Shin has gathered through snooping, Nani is better built for a life like this. There are short notes on his phone expressing gratitude for all he has and what’s to come. Nani is optimistic whereas Shin navigates the world like everyone is out to get him.

If he should describe them with colors, Nani would be an enormous canvas with several shades of beautiful white. And he, a little black smudge. 

That’s not to say Shin doesn’t get carried away by lofty dreams occasionally. Before his fight with Saint, he dreamed of a better future. One where Saint would get into a university while he played football. One where Saint will fall hopelessly in love with a subject and dedicate himself to it. Saint is the most beautiful when he’s devoted to something. He is the most beautiful when he’s looking at Shin. 

“What evil are you concocting this time around?” Sky says, effectively pulling him out of his musings. He takes the seat opposite Shin with a soft smile. It’s the smile Shin has seen him wearing around Nani; lips pressed together with the entire galaxy in his eyes. 

“I’m bored.” Of everything. Even myself. 

“I told you to stay at home.”

“Then I would’ve been more bored.” He fiddles with the thread around his wrist.

Sky looks down at his hands. “What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Want to go home and eat ice cream in our boxers?”

Shin chuckles. “Is that what celebrities do on their free days?”

Sky shrugs. “Basically. That or lying on the cold tiles and staring at the ceiling. Quite therapeutic.”

“Will you let me lie down beside you?”

“If only you’ll behave.”

“I can’t promise you that. I might touch you.” He walks his fingers across the table and over Sky’s forearm. Sky watches Shin’s hand travel along his arm but doesn’t stop it. “Will that be a problem?”

“Yes.”

“Can’t you just pretend I’m Nani?”

“That would be an even bigger problem.”

“How so?”

“Because, Shin,” Sky’s fingers spider crawl along Shin’s forearm, lingering over the red thread around his wrist. “I might touch you back and you will like it.”

Chapter Text

Waking up next to Saint isn’t as unbearable as Nani feared. The first time Saint rolled over and gathered Nani to his chest, he froze in shock, heart crashing against his ribs in a staccato rhythm. He felt awkward in Saint’s embrace, having never experienced something like this.

“You okay?” Saint asked and Nani stayed silent. He’d rather say nothing than speak and hurt Saint’s feelings again. “Should I let you go?”

This he can answer. “No, give Nani a moment to adjust.”

“I’m guessing you’ve never been held like this.” Nani shakes his head, feeling more relaxed in Saint’s arms by the second. “There you go,” Saint whispers. “I feel you melting against me like ice cream.”

Nani wouldn’t use the same words but the comparison is apt. After that, he doesn’t startle when Saint initiates skinship in bed. 

Nani still thinks of home but not as often as before. He would sometimes muse on what his parents and siblings are up to, if Shin and Sky are getting along. Occasionally, he wonders if Sky prefers the audacious and capable Shin to him. He wouldn’t have to change much to be with Shin. Shin wouldn’t scold him for speaking too loud or harshly. He wouldn’t have to help Shin during games.

The days on planet SaintShin have gotten lonelier since Saint picked up two extra jobs, leaving Nani with too much free time to delve into his own head. In the series, Saint’s struggles were romanticized with camera angles, cinematic lighting, and background music. The real Saint comes home with calloused hands and fatigue incised on his handsome face. Nani misses him while he’s away. When Saint comes home from work, hair rumpled from the wind and sweat stains on his shirt, Nani greets him at the door with a smile.

“I missed you,” Saint says, eyes smiling. He pulls Nani into a hug.

“Nani missed you too but you need to go take a shower.”

Saint sniffs himself. “I think I smell amazing.”

“No, you don’t.” Nani starts backing away. It’s easy to predict Saint’s next move from the mischievous glint in his eyes. “Stay away.” He cries through laughter as Saint starts chasing him around the house. They end up against Shin’s bedroom door with Nani’s head locked in Saint's armpit. “You stink, let me go.”

Saint releases Nani’s head but keeps him trapped against the door. “I’ve made you dirty too. Let’s go shower together.”

“I’m not that dirty—oh.” His face feels like it’s melting. “Don’t play jokes like that.” Saint laughs as he steps back. Nani slips between the space he left and runs down the stairs.

It’s a little over an hour when Saint descends the stairs in sweat-free clothes and semi-wet hair. For a moment, Nani thinks he’s the most beautiful man he has ever seen and then he shakes the ridiculous thought away because he knows a man who looks exactly like Saint. Sky has 6 years on Saint but they look no different from each other.

“What do you want for dinner?” Saint asks as he flops next to Nani on the couch.

It’s hard to look him in the eyes. “I’m not hungry.”

“Your stomach disagrees.” Big hands touch Nani’s belly. Despite the layers of clothing, it feels like a zap of electricity to the skin. He clenches up and sinks into the couch. Nani has two extremes. He’s either oblivious to his surroundings or over analyzes everything.

Saint notices Nani’s discomfort. He appears upset and confused at the same time which gives his face a unique expression that Nani seems to favor from the twist in his chest. 

“Sorry.” Saint retracts his hand.

“Nani is just shocked.” He rushes to explain. He takes Saint’s hand and guides it back to his belly. “You’re right, Nani is hungry.”

Saint’s smile returns. “Shin is as terrible as you when it comes to cooking. I gave up on him but there’s hope for you yet.”

“Not really.”

“I’m gonna teach you tomorrow.” Saint insists.

“Can you not? Nani is perfectly fine eating what you cook.”

Saint finds this funny. “Stop whining.”

“Don’t you have work tomorrow?”

“No, I don’t think I need to work as hard anymore. You have me to yourself all day.”

“I’m glad. You’ve been overworking yourself for the past two weeks.”

Saint sticks out his neck, shaking his head playfully. “Were you worried about me?”

Nani is appalled that he even has to ask. “Of course I was. Nani always worries about you.”

Saint drops his smile momentarily, eyes moving across Nani’s face before his lips curve happily again. “Hearing that from you makes me happy. With Shin, I don’t have to do much guessing because I’ve known him for a long time and can decipher what he feels from his tells. But with you—it’s hard.”

“Just ask Nani whatever you want to know. In my world, the press always has a field day with me because it’s hard for me to tell a lie.”

Saint laughs again as he rises. “I’ll make something for us. And you have to eat without complaining.”

“Nani will try.”

In 30 minutes, they are both bowed over a bowl of instant noodles. Nani would’ve complained about his face swelling the next morning but he doesn’t have any schedules in this universe. All he does is wake up and wait for Saint to come back home.

“Mom and Chingching will return in two weeks,” Saint says after slurping a particularly long noodle. Shin’s mother mentioned this morning on call but Nani forgot immediately after the call ended. 

“‘Kay.”

“How do you feel about that?”

Nani shrugs. It’ll be awkward at most but he can act as Shin. “Indifferent.”

“What about school, final semester, and all that?”

“Can we not go? Nani doesn’t want to go.”

“Shin will be expelled if he misses school. He’ll be upset if he doesn’t graduate.”

Nani knows, more than anyone, how important graduating school is to Shin especially after the renascence of his relationship with Saint. He shrugs again. “Maybe I’ll switch back before then.”

Saint frowns. “Do you want to go back so badly?”

“No.” He sighs. “I mean, yes. Not badly but I’d like to go back. My mom and my siblings are there. I have other people—,”

“Sky.” He says it with venom.

“Yes,” He swallows. “Sky. A-nd other friends. Don’t you want Shin back?”

“I do! I want him back. I miss him every second but I don’t want you to go. Can’t I have the two of you?”

“That’s selfish and stupid.”

“You’re not the first person to call me selfish and stupid. Maybe I am. It would be callous to take you away from me. I’d miss you to death.”

“You’d forget about Nani the moment Shin returns.”

“Don’t make assumptions.”

“Maybe they will be merciful enough to wipe our memories.”

“Don’t say it like that. Like—like you’d be okay with it.”

“Wouldn’t it be better than remembering and missing people we might never see again?”

“No,” he’s shaking his head like Nani just broke the news of an impending doom. “I want to remember you.”

“Nani is just like Shin. You wouldn’t be missing much.”

“Yes, you’re just like Shin but there are some dissimilarities.” He pushes their almost empty bowl to the side and leans forward. “Your voice, for example, is slightly higher than Shin’s.”

“I had to deepen my voice as Shin.”

“You’re overly cautious. You’d rather go the long way than climb over a wall.”

“I don’t want to get hurt.” In hindsight, he should’ve climbed over the wall. He could’ve avoided Zack and his gang’s ambush.

“You zone out quite often. One second you’re here and the next, you’re far away.”

“Nani is probably meditating.”

Saint smiles showing he doesn’t buy it. “Your right eye does this twitchy thing when you get over-excited or stimulated. I find that extra cute. You trip over everything and sometimes nothing. I worry about you when I’m at work. You take some things I say too literally and look lost when I speak at times. You smile like you don’t want anyone to see it, which is unfortunate because you and Shin have the most beautiful smiles.” At this point, Nani is holding his breath. His heart is racing like it did when Saint crowded him against Shin’s door earlier. He thought it was exertion from running around but now he knows it is not. “Shin can look at me for long periods. But you—,”

Nani breaks eye contact sharply. His heart must be strained from how fast it’s going. “Saint—,”

“You turn away after a few seconds. Your ears turn red and your face, especially your nose goes pink. You refer to yourself in the third person. And you sometimes stutter to find your words. I find that cute too.”

“Nani thinks—Nani thinks that’s enough.”

“Why?”

“Nani feels uncomfortable, Saint. Can you please stop?”

Saint is just like Sky. Big, soft, silly, kind, and funny. He takes care of Nani when he needs it and stops when Nani feels discomfort. “Okay.” Saint straightens in his chair. “Let’s clear the table.”

“I hurt you again.”

“You didn’t.”

“I just— Nani doesn’t know how to do this.”

“What?”

“This.” He gestures to the space between them. “I’m not Shin.”

“I don't want you to be Shin. I want you to be Nani.”

Nani wants to cry again. He’s overwhelmed and confused. His body doesn’t feel like his anymore. There are so many feelings he cannot assimilate. Before, he was too busy with work to pay mind to any foreign emotion but being stuck here with Saint has somehow deceived his body and mind to believe he’s running on borrowed time, that he has to feel quickly. Move faster.

“I don’t want to be this Nani. I don’t know who he is. Maybe—.” He stares to the side at the cold bowl of noodles. “Maybe tomorrow, I’ll wake up as the Nani I know.”

**

Nani wakes up on planet SaintShin. Saint is not in bed with him, which is a first. Last night, they slept at different ends of the bed with their backs facing each other but when he woke up in the middle of the night, he was in Saint’s embrace again. He sighs as he throws the now brown covers off him. He hears footsteps and pans cluttering downstairs on his way to the bathroom. He quickly brushes his teeth, washes his face and joins Saint downstairs.

“Good morning, Sunshine.”

“I’m more like a foggy morning.”

Saint walks towards him holding a pink apron. “Have you considered therapy?”

“Someone like you shouldn’t talk to me about therapy.”

“Wow,” Saint laughs with his gums. “Didn’t know you had it in you.”

“I’m just saying, you still haven’t processed your mother's death. You broke your best friend's leg and ran away for three years, then you became the school’s punching bag just to find favor in his eyes again.”

“Nani!”

“These are all facts.”

Saint puts the apron over his head still smiling. “Just cause it’s true doesn’t mean you have to say it. It’s still a sore topic.”

“Ah, Nani is sorry but Saint started it.”

“You don’t look sorry.”

“I’m not. You deserved everything.”

Saint balks. “Whoa! Calm down, Naruebet.”

He grins. “Apologies, I get passionate about him sometimes.”

“I’d love to see you both in the same room. Ugh!” He turns around and moves back to the counter. “I hate my filthy mind. Come here, it’s cooking time.”

“Nani could sit here and watch you. Nani will cheer you on from here.”

Saint walks back, grabs his wrist, and pulls him to the counter. “It’s just pancakes for today.” He circles Nani to the back. Ties the apron around him. “You look cute like this.”

“Thanks.” He looks down at the apron and lets out a big gasp. “My melody!”

Saint grins. “Oh, you finally noticed. Look at mine.”

He gasps again. “Kuromi!” Nani is giddy with excitement. Pancakes seem doable all of a sudden. “This is great, you look great. You look like—,” he stops himself. They are basically the same person but Saint hates to be compared to Sky.

“Like?” He probes, eyes ready for a fight.

“Yourself.”

Saint smiles, satisfied. “My Melody and Kuromi are about to make the best pancakes ever.”

“Best pancakes ever? I doubt they’d even be edible.”

“Think positive thoughts, Nani.”

Pancakes are fairly easy to make with a partner like Saint. Nani is taken back to making sandwiches with Sky at his sandwich shop. He was happy then and he is now too. Saint reads out instructions and only laughs when Nani gets it wrong. He doesn’t get upset when Nani causes flour to explode in his clothes and hair. He looks ridiculously funny frowning at Nani with flour dyeing his eyelashes and hair white while his lips suppress a smile.

“Was this intentional?” He points an index to his face.

“No. Don’t come any closer.” Nani cries. He runs to the other end of the counter. “Stop it!” He’s made weak with laughter and cannot move an inch when Saint catches up to him with a handful of flour. His face is powdered white as Saint laughs maniacally. He looks so much like Sky when he’s carefree like this. When the weight of his responsibilities doesn’t hang over his head. Nani, without meaning to, lifts his hand to Saint’s face. Strokes the dimple on his cheek. 

“Nani?” Nani snatches his hand back and hides it in the huge pockets of the apron. Saint’s frozen smile disappears. “What was that about?”

“You-you look nice when you’re happy.”

“Ah,” he rubs the back of his head, blushing. “You too.”

Nani severs eye contact, moving back to the messy counter. “Let’s finish breakfast.”

They finish up quickly after that. It’s almost 1 in the afternoon when they sit to eat. There’s an awkward silence around the table that Nani knows he’s somehow responsible for but doesn’t remember what exactly he did to trigger it. After breakfast, they do their dishes side by side.

“Nani.”

“Hmm.”

“Let’s go on a walk after showering.”

“The sun is out and I don't have sunscreen.”

Saint chuckles softly. “Okay, what do you want to do?”

“We can watch television or just do nothing.”

This is how they end up on the couch with a space wide enough to squeeze three other people between them. The television isn’t on so Nani sees their awkward reflections on the dark screen.

Something is different with them.

Nani has felt it for a while but it has been augmenting since yesterday and has now besmeared every corner of the house and crawled its way into their bone marrow. It’s what he wanted before, for Saint to look at him the way he looked at Shin but now that he does, it is terrifying. He’s afraid to breathe too loud. Afraid to turn his head and look at Saint lest he lets himself be absolutely carried away.

**

Saint feels the tension. It is similar to the energy in the air on his last birthday. Nani seems to be floating further away from him. He is different from Shin in many ways but their striking similarities make them the same person at the core.

Shin-Nani, Nani-Shin. It doesn’t matter to Saint. If it were in his power he’d travel across all universes to find every single variant of Shin just to keep them all for himself.

“Nani.” Saint calls and waits for the patented hmm?

“Hmm?”

“Please come closer.”

“Nani likes it here.”

“May I come closer? I’ll behave.”

“You’ll behave?” Saint nods. “Okay, come here.”

Saint stretches on the couch and places his head in Nani’s lap. He smells faintly of their body wash and the body mist Shin uses. “Is this behaving?” Nani looks down at him for a moment then a tiny smile lifts his lip corners. Saint recognizes this look. He makes it often when he rambles on about Sky. It’s nostalgic and fond and it grates on Saint’s last nerve but today, he allows it. 

“You still have flour in your hair.” Nani picks out a speck from Saint’s hair and holds it to his eye level before flicking it off. “There, it’s all gone.”

“Thank you.”

He nods. His fingers play with the tips of Saint’s hair for a while then he says quietly, “Nani is sorry.”

“For what?”

“Being a terrible company.”

“You don’t have to entertain me. Watching you is entertaining enough.” Nani’s face flushes in the brightest pink. He ducks his head with a smile.

“Ohooo,” he grabs a throw pillow and holds it over Saint’s face. “This is not behaving!”

“I’m not even touching you!” Saint defends. He was going to wait until tomorrow but he suddenly got a craving for Nani’s cute smile. “I have a gift for you.”

“What is it?” He says in an unpromising voice, probably presuming Saint is joshing about again.

“I’m serious.”

“Okay, what’s it?”

Saint rises and leaps off the couch, excited. “Don’t move, I’m coming. Close your eyes when I ask you to.”

Nani rolls his eyes. “Okay.”

Saint runs up the stairs to Chingching’s room and grabs the gift. He brought it in last night when Nani fell asleep. He descends the stairs carefully as his path is obstructed by the size of the gift. Nani is not in the living room. “Where are you? I told you not to move.”

“Nani got thirsty.” He calls out from the kitchen.

“Okay, stay where you are with your eyes closed.”

“Do I have to close my eyes? You won’t put spiders on me, right? Nani doesn't like spiders.”

“Trust me.”

A sigh. Then, “Okay.”

Nani is leaning against the island with his eyes closed when Saint rounds the corner to the kitchen. He’s illuminated by the warm kitchen lights right above him. He’s breathtaking.

“You can open your eyes now.” Saint holds his breath, wobbly as if he’s the one receiving a gift. 

Slowly, hazel brown eyes peek through their folds like the bloom of a flower. Nani’s soft smiling eyes find his first. Then they span downward to the jumbo-sized My Melody plush in Saint’s arms. His face awoke with surprise, joy, and questions all at once. 

“How?” He breathes.

“I took extra shifts.”

“You overworked yourself for Nani?” Nani’s smile is slipping from his face.

“No, no I wasn’t overworked. I wanted to. I just wanted to make you happy.”

Saint can never tell what Nani is thinking. He’s quiet and demure on some days and hyper on others. His expression is open and honest at times and unreadable on others. He is, in short, unpredictable. Saint freezes when Nani’s lips connect with his. His shock lasts only for a moment, the familiar feel of Nani’s lips propelling him into action. My Melody falls at their feet as he takes Nani’s face and deepens the kiss, tasting the syrup they had for breakfast and something distinctly Nani. Nani kisses nothing like he presents. It is fast, passionate, and—dirty. 

He goes willingly when Saint lifts him off the floor onto the counter, his long legs folding around Saint’s waist as if they’ve done this many times. That night with Shin flashes behind Saint’s eyes, inflating his desire exponentially. He drinks from Nani’s lips like the holy grail. Bends him to his touch. Demands as much as he’s willing to give. Shin-Nani. Nani-Shin. They are one and the same. 

“Saint,” Nani breaks away, breathing heavily. His lips are swollen red and his eyes dreamily chase Saint’s. “Is this wrong? Is Nani wrong?”

“No,” Saint runs his hands from Nani’s thighs to his knees and back. “Does it feel wrong to you?”

Nani shakes his head. “But Shin, you and Shin—,”

Saint leans in and brushes Nani’s insecurities away with a kiss. It felt anything but wrong the first time and it feels even more right the second time. 

Chapter Text

The postulate of souls bonding during intercourse seems accurate now more than ever. Shin felt half his soul slither like smoke through a chimney into Saint’s heart from the moment they met, which is why he wandered around like half a man after Saint disappeared from his life. The remaining half pours out of him as he connects with Saint in this raw, primal dance. If Saint should ever leave him again, he will be a shell of himself, a man without a soul. He wonders as Saint moves inside him, gazes riveted like every part of their body, why they didn’t do this sooner.

The answer, of course, is himself. Getting together with a best friend could either be the best or the worst thing to happen to a person. With their luck, Shin fears they’ll be sentenced to the latter.

It started with flirting that lost its innocence since Shin took a knife in the back for Saint. Then their first kiss in the back of a cab after First’s 19th birthday Jam. They were both drunk and uninhibited and didn’t mind that the cabbie was shooting them disapproving looks. 

The next day, Shin claimed alcohol-induced amnesia. “What a night, huh? I don’t remember anything after we got in the cab.” He said before Saint could speak. It was the safer option. Saint also never brought it up but Shin would catch him staring at his lips sometimes. It was not hard to imagine what was playing on his mind.

When it happened again, Shin was sober and couldn’t hide behind the walls of drunkenness to get away with it. They were having another fight about Saint’s future.

“Our future,” Saint said, livid. “Don’t say ‘your future’ like it’s only mine.”

“It’s going to be yours alone if you don’t put more effort into studying. Your life plan of just doing everything I do isn’t practical.”

“It is from where I stand.”

Shin sighed, getting progressively miffed. “If you don’t get serious, you and I are done.” He wanted to take the words back the moment they left his lips. “Saint—,”

“Don’t ever say that to me again, not even as a joke.”

“I’m sorry, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

“It’s unfair to leverage our relationship for useless things like this. We are more important than school or good grades. Dammit Shin,” his voice cracks. “We are more important than the —the future.”

That’s when Shin kissed him. Saint’s words struck the right chord. The concept of being more important than something as intangible and magnificent as the future was oddly stimulating. However, it wasn’t enough to alleviate Shin’s reservations. Important as they may be than the future, Shin would love to have a future unsoiled by broken and complicated relationships with Saint.

So they stay friends.

Saint wore his desire like a bright yellow robe. If it were a planet, it’d be Venus. His face was a canvas for his feelings and they brushed, layered, and plastered it hot red and dark with his hunger. On some days when desire dripped off this canvas, Shin gave in to contain and quench Saint’s hunger.  

Their relationship needed no new cursed labels. ‘Best friends’, Shin said to Saint’s ‘what are we’ questions and insisted they were friends when others pointed out the uniqueness of their relationship. He pretends he doesn’t see the disappointment on Saint’s face. A little disappointment now will save them the trouble of future heartbreak.

“Shin?” Shin carefully opens his eyes to Saint who hovers above him, glistening with sweat. The tips of his ears are still bright red and bite marks litter his shoulders. “How do you feel? Was I too — much?” 

“Are you fishing for compliments?” He says lazily. 

“No, the sounds you made and your face told me what I needed to know.”

“Idiot.” Shin shoves him to the empty side of the bed. “You fucking show off.”

Saint smiles, eyes softening as he shifts closer to Shin until they are sharing a pillow. “But you’re okay, right?”

“Yes.”

“Are you okay to walk?”

“You’re so full of yourself, aren’t you?”

Saint grins. Brushes away the wet bangs sticking to Shin’s forehead. “I don’t mind carrying you to the bathroom.”

“I can walk. Just—give me a few minutes.” He rolls away from Saint when his smile gets bigger. “I hate you so much.”

Saint closes the gap between them again. “But you’re smiling.”

“That’s because you’re an idiot. Forget about getting any gift from me tomorrow.”

“I don’t need any gift from you because—,”

“Thamnithit, don’t finish that sentence.”

“—I already got the best birthday gift, deflowering my baby.”

Shin huffs. “I deflowered you too. And don’t call me baby.”

“What shall I call you then?”

“Shin, just Shin is fine.” Saint’s face falls. He must have gotten the message. Sex changes nothing between them. “Saint—,”

“It’s okay, I understand.” The smile is back on his face. “May I have a kiss, friend?”

**

Shin is hot when he wakes up from his nap. He groans, sitting up on the couch where he fell asleep watching one of Sky's old shows; Oh My Girl. It is one thing to dream about Saint at night but that fucker has started appearing during his nap time too. Anger and frustration build with each dream because they’ve found no clue how to switch back. Not that they’ve been looking. How do they begin to find solutions? There are no books on how to travel across multiple universes.  

Sky is seated just a couch away, nose buried in a sheet of paper. Shin climbs in beside him and cranes his neck to peek at the paper. “What are you doing?”

“Uh—Reading?”

“Reading what?”

“The script for tomorrow. Which you should also be reading.”

“Do I need to when I have you?”

“Don’t be so sure I’ll bail you out.”

“When your Nani trips over his words you come to his aid but you’re going to leave me hanging?”

“Well, my Nani reads his scripts. He makes the effort.”

Shin’s emotions have been all over the place lately and Sky’s offhand statement only powers up the maelstrom of emotions. “Move the world for Nani, I don’t care.” Two seconds pass in silence and he pipes up again, annoyed. “You make it seem like I chose this. I was brought here against my will.”

“Are you going to pull this foreigner card again?”

“I haven’t seen my sister, mother, and my—Saint in weeks. The only good thing about this damned universe is the money I make which is so fucking useless because I’m stuck here with you and can’t help the people I wanna help. I can’t even—,”

“Stuck with me?” Sky huffs. “You could be anywhere in the world right now but you chose to be here in my house.”

“I can’t even go for a fucking walk without seeing my face on the internet in the next second.” Shin continues relentlessly. “Half of Bangkok thinks you’re my boyfriend when all you do is moan about how I’m not Nani.”

“But you’re not Nani.” His coolness adds to Shin’s anger.

“And you’re not Saint. You’re just a terrible copy of him.”

“I don’t want to be Saint.” Sky doesn’t seem fazed by the insult.

“Good, 'cause you’ll never be him.” Shin leaps off the couch and stomps into the guest bedroom. He pulls his clothes carelessly out of the wardrobe, grabs a bag, and starts stuffing anything he can get his hands on inside. 

“What are you doing?” Sky appears at the door, arms folded across his broad chest. Fuck, he misses Saint.

“Leaving your house so you won’t have to deal with me.”

“That’s childish.”

“Sorry I can’t be as mature as your Nani.” There’s so much stuff he still hasn’t packed but he zips up the bag and heads for the door, praying to all the gods that Sky stops him. One of them listens to his prayers. Sky’s big frame blocks the entrance.

“Don’t make rash decisions. Put the bag down.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Where would you even go?”

“As you said, anywhere in the world. I could even go back to Nani’s house.”

“Do you remember his address? The one time you went back, I drove you.”

“Tell me his address then.”

“Won’t.”

“Fine, I’ll just message his mother and ask.” He tries to slide past Sky but he doesn’t let him. 

“Wait, Nan—Shin. Can you calm down?”

“I’m very calm. You don’t want to see me when I’m not.”

Sky sighs. “How about this, you wanted to go somewhere cameras won’t find you, right?”

“Is there a place like that?”

“I’ve been in the industry for more than 10 years, of course I know a place like that. I would’ve gone mad otherwise.”

“I see you and I see a madman,” Shin says and Sky smiles to his annoyance. “How many people have you whisked away to your secret camera-less spot?”

“You’ll be the first.”

“Not even your Nani.”

He shakes his head, smiling. “Not even my Nani.”

“You’re not going to murder me in hopes of getting back your boyfriend, are you?”

“You were a gang leader. An actor like me couldn’t hurt you.”

“You’re smart. Don’t try anything silly.”

“Wouldn’t dare. So you’re in?”

“What about your stupid script reading and your stupid Nani?”

“My stupid script can wait. And don’t talk about Nani like that.”

“Or what?” Shin moves closer to him, one brow raised. “You can’t take me in a fight, so what will you do?” Shin glances down at his lips. “Hmm?”

 “Nothing.” Sky steps back. “Let’s go.”

“Coward,” Shin mutters as he turns away. “You’re all talk, Khun Sky.” He pulls off the sweater he has on and finds a T-shirt from the pile he pulled out of the wardrobe.

“You’ll take care of this when we return.” Sky points at the mess in the room. 

“Yeah whatever, stop bugging me.” He brushes past Sky who only chuckles at his antics. Downstairs, Sky acts like a gentleman and opens the car door for Shin. He rolls his eyes as he sits. “What next, are you going to buckle me in?”

“Do you want me to?”

“You know what, yes.”

“Sure.” Sky rounds the car and takes the driver's seat. Then he leans across the center console and over Shin and tugs on the seat belt. Shin holds his breath, hoping it controls the rapid bumping of his heart. He flinches when the seatbelt clicks in place.

“Are you comfortable?” Sky asks, his face an inch away from Shin’s. Why did he have to be this close to ask? Shin swallows and nods. “Good.” Sky pulls his weight away and back into his own seat. Only then does Shin exhale.

There’s only one thing to blame for these pervasive feelings, his dreams about Saint. This excuse is easier to swallow than to admit that Sky has crawled so deep under his skin he can’t shake him off.

The actor drives them away from Bangkok. As the city gets smaller in the rearview mirror, Shin feels himself getting bigger. It is easy to get lost in a place like that especially when one feels unbelonging.

Back at home, Saint often joked about taking a road trip outside Bangkok if they got less busy. But they never got less busy. There was always a bill to pay, an extra shift to cover, and a gang problem to deal with. Shin sighs and stares out the window as concrete buildings reduce to lowlands and greens, whipping by as Sky speeds down the asphalt.

What would Saint think of this? Would he feel betrayed? Shin resolves to take Saint outside the city after apologizing for the terrible things he said to him when he goes back home. He hopes he goes back. It would kill him if his final words to Saint were “I don’t care.”

It would kill him if he never saw Saint again. 

**

Sky is in deep trouble. 

Deep deep trouble, he thinks as he traces shadow figures across Shin’s sleeping face. He is more like Nani when he’s asleep. Soft, contained chaos and radiance. Earlier in the living room, but for his quick reflexes, Shin would’ve caught him watching him while he napped. It is by luck that the script for tomorrow’s schedule was within arms reach.

As time goes by, he feels more drawn to Shin. Living in the same house with someone could have that effect. Or it could be his striking resemblance to Nani. Shin does not invoke the same feelings Nani does. With Nani, he feels profound adoration and protectiveness, afraid to do anything that might harm their relationship. With Shin, he’s careless with his words and isn't afraid to test boundaries he would otherwise not when it comes to Nani.

“Sleeping beauty.” Sky lets slip in a whisper and considers himself fortunate that Shin doesn’t catch it. That would’ve been embarrassing. “Hey, sleepy head.” He says louder, shaking Shin slightly. 

“Are we there yet?”

“We got here 15 minutes ago.”

He stretches his arms over his head like a cat. “Ugh were you watching me sleep?”

Sky elects to ignore the question. “Do you have hypersomnia? You’ve been sleeping all day.”

“Try dealing with yourself and see if you won’t be exhausted every second.”

Sky laughs as he exits the car. Shin follows, still yawning. They are at a lake house in Nonthaburi, just 30 minutes away from the city. The lake stretches 60 feet away from the house and glimmers in the sunlight. Though surrounded by vegetation, everywhere is neatly groomed thanks to P’Jom, a paid worker, who comes around every week to take care of the place. Here, Bangkok’s humidity is nonexistent. Though the sun is still high up, in the skies, the breeze sends shivers through his bones.

“Is this yours?” Shin spins around in exuberance, arms out as if to touch the breeze.

“No,” Sky opens the back door and takes out a plastic bag. “This is my friend’s place.”

“You have friends?”

“Ha ha. I’m house-sitting while he’s studying abroad.”

“Nice. So we can live here for as long as we want, right?”

“No, we have to get back early tomorrow morning. We have work.” As expected, Shin starts whining inaudibly. He hates the job and Sky can understand why. He does what he does because he loves it but this lifestyle was imposed on Shin who has lived recklessly and freely all his life. “Come on, let’s go.” Sky starts towards the house and Shin’s footsteps follow him on the gravel driveway.

He opens the door to a modern rustic interior. Browns and nudes with a wooden floor paneling. “Make yourself at home.” He calls over his shoulders and walks to the kitchen area. Places the bag he brought on the island.

“What’s in there?”

Sky almost jumps out of his skin. He assumed Shin had gone off to make himself comfortable but he’s behind Sky, chin resting on his shoulder. “A little warning next time Hirun—Naruebet!”

“I’ll cut you.” Shin threatens. “Call me that again and you might wake up without a tongue in your mouth.”

“Scary.” He deadpans. “I knew it wouldn’t be long before someone started whining about being hungry. So I made small stops along the way while that somebody was still sleeping like a baby and—,” Sky chokes on his words as Shin’s arms slowly wind around his waist. He breathes in and continues, “I- I got some stuff for us.”

“What did you get?” He says this against Sky’s neck.

The plastic bag crumples in his fist. “Shin—,”

“What, not Hirunkit?”

Sky peels Shin’s arms off his waist and turns around. “Behave.”

“Say please.”

Sky reaches for his shirt, tugging him closer. “Is this what you want?” His arms go around Shin’s waist and he nods, eyes filming over in arousal. The look on his face is downright sinful and Sky feels terrible for seeing it, for seeing Nani like this without his permission. “You say please.”

“Please, Saint.”

Sky goes frigid. He releases Shin like he has been scalded. His outrage is almost at the tip of his tongue when he sees the sly smile forming on Shin’s face. “Did you enjoy that?”

“Call me by his name again and you’re dead meat.” Shin sashays away, laughing like a witch. 

Sky should be mad. He has gotten mad for less but he isn’t. He scratches the back of his head, heart going wild. Yeah, he’s in deep trouble.

Twenty minutes later, they are on a blanket by the lake with a large tray covered with fruits, juice, water, crackers, and chicken skewers between them. Sky would like to think of it as the chastity barrier. Shin is in a tank top and bang-bang shorts. His legs are folded and his weight is supported by his arms as his face tilts to the sun. 

Sky munches slowly on some grapefruits as he takes in the vision before him. He reaches blindly on the tray and picks up a cracker. Breaks it and lobes a piece at Shin. He turns to Sky, already smiling.

“You want to play dirty, huh?” Sky’s response is to throw another piece which Shin skillfully catches with his mouth. “Throw me a grape.” Sky complies and Shin catches that too laughing as he chews. “My turn. What do you want?”

You. “Fuck.” He swears out loud, shocked by his own thoughts. At the look on Shin’s face, he shakes his head. “No, not that. No-not fuck.”

“Oh, you nasty boy.”

“I’m going for a swim.” There’s no winning this argument.

“Come back and finish what you started, mister,” Shin calls after him, giggling. “Come here, Khun Sky.”

Sky throws his shirt on the shoreside and dives into the water. Immersed, he seeks some clarity. He has better self-control than this. But then he has never had anyone test his restraint this way. Perhaps nobody has ever qualified to test it. He swims close to the deeper end of the lake and turns around.

Just once. Perhaps one kiss is all he needs to get over this mania for his friend. Some things need to be experienced once to extinguish a person’s fixation on them. This could be one of those. Crossing the line with Shin might be the solution to his Nani problem.

When his head breaches the water's surface, Shin is at the edge with the sun behind him. Light disperses around him like the angel of darkness. He is breathtaking. Around his long neck is Sky’s discarded shirt. “Are you a fish? I thought you were never going to come out.”

“Give me my shirt.”

A playful smile lights up his face. “No, Khun Sky.”

Sky’s stomach dips. He gets a vision of Nani calling his name with the softest voice. “Don’t make me come out for it.”

Shin starts hopping backward. “Come get it.” 

Sky pulls himself out of the water and starts following Shin, slowly at first until the grass beneath his feet isn’t slippery anymore. Shin slinks between the trees lining the bank. His laughter reverberates in the air, filling the atmosphere with joie de vivre. Halfway through chasing him, Sky realizes that he doesn’t want his shirt back. He just wants to have Shin in his arms. When he finally catches up to him, he wraps his arms around Shin’s waist and spins him around.

“Let me go,” Shin kicks the air.

“Time for revenge, Naruebet.” Sky brings him to the shoreline.

“No, don’t.” He cries. “I can’t swim, don’t.”

 “Beg me.”

“Please, Khun Sky Wongravee Nateetorn, the best actor in Thailand, the most handsome man in the universe.”

“In the universe?”

“Well, Saint is hotter.”

Sky drops him into the lake. There’s screaming as he goes in and then nothing. “Shin?” The lake remains still. “Shin? Shin! Damn it, Shin!” Sky dives into the water. “Shin!” 

“Peekaboo,” a voice says right behind him.

Sky turns around, blinking water out of his eyes and sweeping his hair back from his face. “You scared me!” He yells. Shin's smile disappears. “Don’t joke like that.” This is said in a lower tonation. His hands are framing Shin’s face before he can make himself stop. “You scared me.”

“I’m okay.” One of Shin’s cold hands covers Sky’s on his face. “I won’t die that easily.”

“I’m serious here.”

“I know.” He smiles. “You have the same serious face as Saint. It’s adorable. Now, if you’re not going to kiss me silly, let go of me before I jump your bones and take your virginity.”

“You’re a sick individual.” Sky shoves him back into the water and plunges in after him. They race to the edge of the deep end and back. It’s hard to tell who won but Shin claims victory and Sky lets him take it. 

“What’s my reward?” Shin asks as they drip wet onto the blanket, feeling too lazy to go back inside for towels. 

“Here.” Sky offers him a banana and immediately regrets it when Shin’s eyebrows raise to his hairline. “That’s—oh fuck off, Naruebet. Are you always so chaotic or it’s just with me.”

“I don’t know. Saint hardly complains.”

“Poor guy.”

“Mmhmm.” He nods sadly and gathers his knees to his chest. “Poor guy.”

“You miss him?”

“How can I not? Saint is my world. You and Nani live a larger life. You’ve got each other and several other support systems. Me and Saint, we are all we’ve got. He’s out there all alone.”

“He isn’t alone. Nani’s with him.”

“How do we know that? We don’t know anything. We don’t know how I got here or how or when I’ll go back. Maybe your little boyfriend is trapped in another universe with another version of you or worse, in a universe that doesn’t have you.”

It’s a terrifying concept. “Don’t say that.”

“But it could be true. There are infinite possibilities that we haven’t even thought of yet. I just hope Saint is okay. The last time I saw him—,” He bites his lower lip. “I-I said some terrible things. I hope he doesn’t think I left him. I’d never abandon him.” Shin is human after all. His eyes pool with tears and Sky’s heart wrings like a wet napkin when they fall from his eyes. “Dammit.” Shin wipes his tears away angrily. “I’m going to kill whoever did this when l find them.” He looks up and catches Sky’s eyes. “I’m crying here, don’t just sit back and watch.”

“Do you want a hug?” It is meant to be sarcastic but when Shin nods soberly, Sky pulls himself up to his side and envelops him in his arms. Shin hugs him back tightly and starts crying in earnest. Sky strokes his back through his tears until they wane. Then he sits quietly next to him as they both stare off at the sun setting behind the lake.

This must be the longest silence between them. Shin is usually messing around to get a reaction from him. Today, he hugs his knees to his chest in deep thought. Sky stares at his side profile. From his straight nose to the constellation of moles on the right side of his neck, to his smooth shoulders clustered with more moles. Sky wonders what they would feel like against his lips. For the first time, the thought comes without guilt.

Shin turns to him, eyes golden in the sunset. His gaze lingers for a moment then he laughs. “You even display desire in the same way.”

Sky swallows thickly and looks away. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You want me, Sky.”

“Wishful thinking.”

“I’ve seen that look on Saint more times than I can count and it always means the same thing.”

Sky stares at him. Shifts minutely on the blanket. “Have you—uh?”

“He’s my best friend. Of course, we have.”

Sky can’t help his jealousy. He isn’t jealous because Saint and Shin got together. He feels rather maladroit as Saint, the struggling student with no prospects seems to be more proficient at this than him. “You don’t sleep with your friends.”

He laughs. “Sky, you and Nani call yourselves the friendship duo but here you are drooling over him like a piece of meat.”

“I’m not looking at Nani right now, I’m looking at you, Shin.”

Shin brings his face closer but doesn’t kiss Sky. “What’s the hold up then? I’m offering myself to you. Don’t you want to know what Nani tastes like? Do you think he’s too pure to be tainted? Who knows,” his eyes land purposely on Sky’s lips. “Maybe your Nani has replaced you with whatever version of you he is saddled with.”

“Nani wouldn’t do that.” Sky whispers.

“A braver version of you.”

“Maybe it’s your Saint.” Sky just wants to hurt him back but the image induces sudden nausea. He pulls himself up and lifts the tray off the blanket. “It’s getting late. We need to sleep early.” It's just 6:30 in the evening.

“Makes sense why you’ve never dated anyone,” Shin calls after him, bitterness evident in his tone.

“Mind your fucking business.”

“Make me, coward.” Shin gathers the blanket in his arms. Throws Sky‘s shirt in his face and bumps his shoulders on the way to the house. 

Sky sighs and follows him inside. Shin is beside the fridge with a bottle of water. Saint has never seen anyone drink water so angrily. “There’s some chicken left if you’re hungry.” He tells Shin just to break the tension.

“The only chicken here is you.”

“Come on, Shin.”

“No, don’t try to act mature here. You’ve been leading me on only to act holier than thou. You don’t fucking deserve me anyway, coward.” He throws the empty bottle on the tray in Sky’s hands and stomps off.

“I’ll sleep in the guest room.” Sky calls after him weakly

“Great, because I don’t want to see your fucking face.” 

**

Shin cannot fall asleep. It’s been almost an hour since he walked out on Sky and found the first bedroom in the house to hide in. He understands that he might be acting a bit irrationally but he can’t help it. He’s been here longer than he anticipated and now he expects Sky to treat him like Saint does.

He misses Saint. He misses their playful kisses and not-so-playful ones. He’s horny and so fucking touch starved and it helps nothing that the man who looks like Saint doesn’t have enough balls to act according to his feelings.

A knock on the door gets Shin out of his head. “Are you asleep?” Sky asks. Shin can almost see him resting his forehead against the door just like Saint.

“Yes.”

“You sound very much awake.”

“What do you want?”

“I can’t sleep.”

“I think I saw some camomile tea in the kitchen.”

Sky’s soft chuckle penetrates the door and Shin can’t help but smile himself. “I think I need something stronger than camomile tea. I may have gotten used to sleeping beside you too.”

“You may come in if you agree to sleep on opposite ends of the bed.” He’s going through a lot. Blue balls are the last thing he wants right now. 

“That works.” The door opens. Sky watches Shin from the entrance for a moment before walking over the threshold and closing the door behind him. As promised, they lie on opposite ends, facing each other. “This is somehow worse.” Sky murmurs.

It is. Shin must be going insane. “What is wrong with us?”

“I think I’m just absurdly attracted to you.”

Shin squeezes the blanket in his fist to maintain a shred of decorum as his pulse shoots up again. Is this what it feels like to be seduced? He’s never had to beg for this. Saint gave it eagerly. “You say one thing but your actions suggest the opposite.”

“I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“What if one time isn’t enough? What if I keep wanting more?” 

“One time won’t be enough.” They are both in the center of the bed now, having unconsciously gravitated towards each other until Shin breathes in the air Sky exhales. “You’ll keep wanting more and more and more.”

“Fuck, Shin.” Sky breathes. Like Saint, his arousal is discernible. He stares at Shin’s lips with intent. His eyes swear by all the unthinkable things he wishes to do to Shin. And when his resolve breaks, Shin detects it. He meets Sky in the middle. The intensity of their combined want almost knocks him out. Sky’s mouth is a burning furnace. He kisses like a man possessed. Eros in human form. His hands grip the back of Shin’s neck like he might run away. Where would he go?

Shin straddles him. Pulls off his shirt and flings it to the side. Sky’s hungry eyes follow his movement. They trace every inch of his exposed torso in a second and then he pulls himself to take Shin’s lips again.

“Tsk tsk,” Shin stops him with an index finger to his lips and guides him back against the mattress. He arches his back and grins when Sky hisses at the friction between them. “What’s my name, Khun Sky?”

“Shin, your name is Shin,” Sky says desperately, rising before Shin would fully release him. Before his lips would touch Shin’s again, he whispers. “I’ll know when it’s Nani.”

**

At that very moment, in a universe light years away from this one, Nani kisses Saint for the first time. 

Chapter Text

Guilt is right on the heels of insurmountable pleasure. Nani wakes up feeling like crap. He buries his head under the covers, biting the inside of his cheeks, too ashamed to face Saint. He allowed himself to be seduced by someone who looks just like his best friend. He couldn’t face Sky with a clear conscience after this.

How would Sky react if he knew? Would he still want to be friends? Crying would be asinine so Nani asks Saint for space and Saint grants the request in his own messed-up way. A normal person would leave the room or the house but Saint’s idea of space is staying above the covers while Nani hides underneath. His gaze burns through the sheets and into Nani’s skin and his breath feels too close. 

Nani would ask him to leave the room if he wasn’t afraid of being alone. It’s more frightening being shut in with his thoughts when he gets like this. Inside his head is not a lively place. He seeks comfort he cannot ask of Saint. Saint, who has Sky’s face. Sky, who has been a wonderful addition to his life. How could he betray him like this? Many thoughts are running through his mind but suddenly, this one becomes the focal point. Saint. Sky. Shin. Betrayal.

He runs it over and over until he arrives at an unambiguous conclusion. It’s Sky. He thought his guilt was over sleeping with Shin’s Saint. Saint is Shin’s. And Shin is Saint’s. That was clear from his role as Shin and is even clearer now after delving deeper into their lives, witnessing events he wasn’t previously privy to. However, he concedes that the guilt gnawing on his insides is because it feels like he cheated on Sky.

He cannot pinpoint why as they’ve been nothing but friends from the start. Sure, Sky treats him a bit differently from others but that’s only because he sees Nani as a soft person. He makes everything easier. Nani breathes easier, smiles easier, and speaks easier because he knows Sky will piece together his incoherent words if need be. This universe would’ve been easier to navigate if Sky came with him. 

“Nani?” Saint sounds too guarded in a way that indicates that Nani is hurting him again. “May I join you? I promise I won’t touch you.” Nani keeps silent. “Please?”

Nani lifts one side of the covers in assent and Saint takes the lifted edge and slides under the sheets next to him. His broad shoulders raise the cloth a little which lets in some light.

“Nani.” He smiles. The stretch of his lips change the curvature of his face, presenting him as a different man. Yet still a man Nani knows too well. 

“Saint.”

“Why are you hiding from me?”

There was a list this morning but now it’s just Sky and betrayal. He can’t say that to Saint. He gets weird when Sky is mentioned. “I’m not hiding from you.”

“Lying does not become you. Is this because of what we did last night?” On Nani’s nod of confirmation, Saint’s smile ebbs away. “If it’d make you feel better,” he waits a beat as if the words are refusing to leave his mouth. “We can pretend it never happened. I’ve done it before. Just friends—we’re just friends, right?”

There isn’t enough light to make out his expression but Nani detects the sheen in his eyes. “Nani has never kissed a friend before. Nani kissed you because Nani likes you a-as more than a friend.” Saint lets out a sigh. He attempts a smile but it looks amiss and before Nani knows what's happening, tears slide down the ridge of Saint’s nose into the bedsheet. “Did Nani say something wrong?”

“No,” Saint sniffs, smiling this time. “You said nothing wrong. These are tears of happiness.” He shifts closer but keeps his hands to himself as promised. “So what are we?”

“What are you and Shin?”

Saint’s smile slips but it doesn’t disappear. He shrugs.  “We are so many things and nothing.”

Maybe that’s what Sky is to him. His everything and nothing. Nothing can be good sometimes. However, this nothing feels too shallow. What he has with Saint and to some degree with Sky is all but nothing. “I don’t want to be nothing to you. Can Nani be just many things?”

Saint seems to be fighting back tears again. “It’s really hard to keep my promise now, you know. Saint wants to touch Nani so badly.” He holds a hand up. “Look how it’s shaking because it can’t touch you.”

Nani takes the trembling hand in both of his hands and holds it to his chest. It suddenly becomes still. He marvels at how much power he has over Saint. Or more accurately, how much power Shin has. He’s just reaping its benefits. “Your hand is quiet now.”

“It is.”

“Nani’s mind is quiet too.”

“That’s good, right?”

“It is now.”

“Are you hungry?”

Nani laughs. “Kind of. I didn’t eat much last night and then we expended so much energy after. I could eat a cow right now.”

“A cow?” Saint’s free hand touches the corner of his lips. “Where would it pass through? Not these cute lips, I don’t think so.”

“Stop making jokes. They aren’t that small.”

“Prove it, Nani.”

He throws Saint’s hand away, laughing. “How do I prove that?”

“Kiss me. Let’s compare lip sizes.”

“Has that ever worked on others?”

“What others? There’s just one person.”

“Two. Me and Shin.”

“That’s what I said. Just one person.”

**

Nani has grown accustomed to waking up to Saint staring into his soul. However, he isn’t today. He is seated at the edge of the bed, back facing Nani and shoulders slouched. Nani’s confusion is immediately cleared when Saint places what he is looking at back on the nightstand. It is a framed photograph of him and Shin at the beach. They are both in white shirts and Shin is hanging off Saint’s back with a big smile. Nani doesn't think his lips can stretch that wide.

The smile he woke up with freezes on his face and his heart drops into his belly as Saint grazes Shin’s face with his index knuckle before turning around. He startles to see Nani awake. He looks at the photograph again and then at Nani which makes Nani want to cry.

“Nani?”

He pulls my melody closer to his side, feeling too exposed. “Yes, it’s Nani.“

Saint smiles softly. He reaches out to touch Nani’s cheek with the same knuckle he brushed over Shin’s picture. Nani bristles at the touch but doesn’t withdraw. “What should we do today, what do you want to do today?”

“Nani—Nani wants to stay in bed.”

Saint lifts a brow still smiling. “The guys in the class group have been asking for you. They think I’ve kidnapped you because you don’t say anything in the group chat.”

“I don’t know them. I don’t know what to say.”

“Just pretend. Play along with them.”

“I’m not Shin.”

Saint must have finally realized something is amiss. He frowns and draws nearer but Nani rolls away. He throws the covers off and leaves the room for the bathroom. He stands under the warm sprays of the shower for a long time until his toes and fingers start pruning. Saint is in the same spot when he emerges from the bathroom. He follows Nani with doleful puppy eyes that he just wants to hide from.

His presence here is anomalous and temporary. Nani is aware of this fact. He is also aware of how much Saint loves Shin but he got a little carried away by Saint’s attentiveness and his love-filled eyes. He said so many things that could easily mislead anyone. Regardless, Nani has to face the painful truth that Shin will always be Saint’s number one and he could never be Shin no matter how much Saint swears that they are the same.

“Nani.”

“Nani doesn’t want to talk to Saint.”

“Why are you upset?”

“Don’t come any closer.”

Saint doesn't listen. The nearer he gets the dizzier Nani gets from anger. “I saw you!” The volume he speaks with exacerbates his budding headache. “I saw you holding that frame. You don’t want Nani here. You want Shin. I’m still here but you miss Shin.”

“That’s not true. Shin is my—he’s my-my best friend. I will definitely miss him when he’s not here.”

“You said we were the same.”

“You are but—,”

“But I’m not Shin enough?” Nani gets more wobbly and his heart feels heavier. He takes a deep breath, clears his throat, and brings out everything about Shin he thought he wouldn’t have to use again after their final Queue. “Saint, do you want me to be like this?”

Saint’s eyes widen at the change of tone. He looks like he has seen a ghost. “Nani, stop.”

Nani does his Shin walk to the wardrobe and pulls out the first shirt he sees, too unsteady to pay attention to that detail. “Let’s play football.” He pulls on the shirt. Turns to face Saint with a lopsided smirk. “I haven’t played in a while.”

“I said stop it.”

“Is this not what you wanted?!”

“No!”

“I can be Shin,” an intense pain in the back of his head sways him a little. He catches himself on the wall to steady himself. This doesn’t feel like just anger anymore. He squeezes his eyes shut. When he opens them, Saint’s worried face swims crookedly in his view.

“Nani? Are you okay?”

“Nani is not okay.” He staggers again but Saint catches and holds him up. “Don’t touch me. Please don’t touch me.” Saint lets him go, hands restless. Nani takes one step forward before his world tilts. He falls into Saint’s ready arms. It goes completely black for one second and then Saint’s anxious face floats above him.

“Nani, Nani!” 

“Saint,” he chokes. “I think I’m dying.” He whispers as he’s dragged completely under. 

**

Saint exhales as Nani’s eyes flutter and open. They look around dazedly until they zero in on Saint. “Sky? Khun Sky.” He mutters and Saint grinds his teeth.

This is Nani’s fourth blackout since it happened yesterday morning. They last for less than 5 minutes but Nani always comes to, crying and calling out the actor’s name. This time he isn’t crying. He seems rather relieved to see his face.

“Khun Sky,” There’s a fond smile on his face. The one he seems to reserve only for the actor. “Where are we?” Nani looks around. “Why are we here, Sky?”

Saint doesn’t respond and Nani watches him with wide lost eyes until they start thinning with anger which indicates his memories returning. His memory loss episodes last only for a minute. “Nani.”

He sits up carefully. “Did it happen again?”

“Yes. How do you feel?”

“I don’t know. Did I?”

“Yes, you called his name.” They say nothing for the next few seconds. In the background, the television program Nani was watching plays on. “Come on, let’s go upstairs.”

Nani pulls his hand away. “Don’t touch me. Nani is still mad at you.”

“Can you stop being mad?” They’ve been avoiding the elephant in the room but it’s obvious what’s happening. He was up all night yesterday watching Nani, nervous that he might disappear while he slumbered. “I’m afraid Nani, I’m so scared.” He reaches for Nani’s hand again but he doesn’t pull back this time. “We don’t have much time left.”

Nani bites his lips. “At least,” he says quietly. “You’ll have Shin back.”

“Don’t say that. I don’t want to lose you.” Nani starts shaking his head. “Nani, I’ll miss you.” Saint tugs him closer. “Just because I miss Shin doesn’t mean I don’t want you here. I want you here with me forever but I know that’s impossible. I don’t—I don’t want you to leave here hating me too.”

Nani speaks after a short silence. “Nani has-Nani has always felt dispensable. When Shin comes back, I’m afraid that my short time here will be forgotten. But—but Nani gets it. It was unfair to ask you not to miss Shin when he is your—so many things and nothing. I mean, I miss my family and colleagues too, I miss walking out on the streets without fearing an ambush. I miss my fans. I miss my room. I miss my dolls. And I miss—,” he looks at Saint as tears pool in his beautiful brown eyes. “I miss Khun Sky. I miss our car conversations. I miss eating out with him, I miss our late-night and early-morning calls. I just-I miss him a lot.”

Saint looks away, swallowing through the sudden thickness in his throat. “Yeah,” he chuckles humorlessly. “That did not feel good to hear. I kinda really hate this Sky guy.”

“Why? I don’t hate Shin.”

Saint caresses his wrist. “That’s because Shin is irreproachable and you’re an angel. I should’ve been a little considerate of your feelings. I didn’t think it’d hurt as much hearing you talk about the other guy—,”

“Khun Sky.”

“Don’t say his name. And don’t call him Khun.”

“Khun Sky,” Nani repeats with a teasing smile. The smile melts away Saint’s annoyance.

“Don’t smile like that when I want to be mad.” He lifts Nani’s hand and lays a small kiss on the inside of his wrist. “I’m sorry about yesterday.”

“It’s okay, I wasn’t hurt. I was—,”

“You were just a little upset?” Saint smiles when Nani nods. He’ll mourn for years when he leaves. “Sorry I upset you. I want to touch you, may I touch you now?”

Nani laughs, moving closer to Saint. “You’re already touching me.”

“I mean, I want to touch you all over and kiss you.”

“Oh.” Nani blushes beautifully. The tips of his ears turn red as he carefully climbs into Saint’s lap. He moves around until he finds a comfortable position. “Nani wants to kiss you and touch you all over too.”

“Yeah?” He laughs, still reeling from how quickly Nani’s demeanor switches when he’s in the mood. It’s like dealing with a different person. He opens up to Nani’s kiss, sighing softly into his warmth. Holding him like this when the end is looming like dark clouds before a storm, Saint realizes that Nani was right. If the universe gives a fuck about them even a little, they’d wipe their memories clean. He couldn’t live with missing Nani for the rest of his life.

“Do you love me, are you in love with me?” He whispers against Nani’s lips. It’s scary to ask. Even scarier when Nani pulls away, sitting back on his heels. He simply stares at Saint, chocolate brown eyes traveling across his face. “You don’t?” He would understand if Nani doesn't feel as strongly as he does. He’s always been a bit quicker than others in developing feelings. He was like that with Shin and now Nani. “If you don’t love me, that’s okay too. Just come back here.” He reaches out and Nani comes back to him. He tips his chin up but Nani doesn't kiss him. Instead, he swipes his thumbs under Saint’s eyes.

“What would people say if they saw the great tsunami crying like this, hmm?” He kisses Saint before he can respond. Softly at first then he moans, deepening the kiss. “Khun Saint.” Saint grips Nani’s thighs firmer, feeling strangely possessive of him all over again. “Does Khun Saint love Nani?”

Saint nods. “A lot, so much, very much.”

Nani’s laughter vibrates against his lips. “Saint loves Nani that much?”

“Mhmm.” He kisses Nani briefly. “Saint wants to be inside Nani.” He lifts his hips off the couch to press his erection against Nani’s ass. “Do you feel tsunami?”

“Don’t call your dick tsunami.” Nani throws his head back in laughter. Saint pulls himself forward and sucks a deep kiss right over his beauty mark. “That’s going to leave a hickey.”

“I know.” He presses a thumb against the rapidly reddening skin until Nani parts his lips then he dives in and takes his lips. He stands from the couch, lifting Nani with him, smiling when his legs go around his waist. He has done this with Shin many times. Sometimes, he had to carry Shin up to their room when he fell asleep watching television. But just when they reached the stairs landing, Shin would wrap his legs around him, kissing down his neck and biting his lobes. They would rush into their bedroom, kissing desperately while trying to be as quiet as possible. Now, they don’t have to be quiet and Nani isn’t stingy with his moaning. He cries with pleasure as Saint kisses up his legs to his inner thighs, pulls on Saint’s hair as he takes his length into his mouth. He’s just like Shin in this regard too. And just like Shin, he pulls Saint up by the hair, kissing him hungrily, tasting himself on Saint’s lips.

“Lube,” Nani breathes. His hand is still tightly fisted in Saint’s hair. “Get the lube.”

“I’m gonna go bald at this rate. Can you let my hair go a bit?”

“Sorry.” 

Saint smacks a kiss on his lips before reaching for the lube. After that, their bodies speak for them. Saint opens Nani up gently, kissing him through it and then the buries himself in Nani’s heat. He tries not to think about Shin like this and fails. How could he not when they look the same, feel the same, and cry out his name the same? How could he not when he sees Shin in those eyes several universes away? His Shin, his beloved. His Nothing and so many things.

“Nani?” He calls just to make sure.

“Saint.” Nani breathes, arms locking around Saint’s neck as he shakes through his orgasm. “Saint,” he whispers again before his eyes roll back and he falls limp against the pillows.

**

“Sky?” Nani is shaking with tears. “Khun Sky.” Saint looks at his watch. Nani has been out for over thirty minutes. Saint has wiped him down, changed the sheets and dressed him in his shirt and Shin’s shorts. “I had a nightmare, Sky. Where are we? Nani is afraid. Nani is so afraid.”

“I’m afraid too.” Saint pulls him into his chest. Nani’s tears on his chest fall warmly and then cool down almost immediately. He pats Nani’s messy hair as he sobs and calls him Sky. Soon, he stops trembling and crying. He pulls himself out of Saint’s embrace and holds his eyes.

“Did it happen again?”

Saint wants to be strong. He can face off 1000s of opponents but his strength is nonexistent when faced with love. “Yes.” His lips tremble. “You were out for almost an hour. Nani,” his voice cracks and his face squeezes as tears run down his face. “You can’t leave me. You’re not allowed to leave. I won’t let you go.”

“What will you do, tie me down?”

“If I have to.”

Nani sighs and wipes Saint's tears. The more he wipes, the harder they fall but he doesn’t stop. Nani moves his hands rapidly until they fall to his side as his own eyes leak with tears. This time, Saint knows he cries for him.

A few minutes later, they lie down facing each other. Nani looks beautiful like this, rosy-cheeked, swollen lips, messy hair, and dilated pupils. “What are you looking at?”

“You’re beautiful,” Saint says.

Shin would’ve called him cheesy but Nani simply smiles. “So are you.”

“You’re so so so beautiful.”

He blushes redder, turning his face away for a second before looking back at Saint. “You’re so so so beautiful too.”

“I love you, Nani Hirunkit Changkam.”

Nani grabs his hair again, softly this time. His kisses are softer too, like they don’t have a timer counting down their time together. “I love you, Saint Thamnithit. I don’t recall your last name.”

Saint laughs through his relief. Nani loves him. He couldn’t be happier. “And Shin’s, do you know his name?”

“Just Shin Naruebet.”

“I won’t forget your name. Don’t forget mine. It’s Saint Thamnithit Nitiroj.”

“Nitiroj.”

“Again.”

“Khun Saint Thamnithit Nitiroj.”

“You should get my name tattooed on your skin.”

“Too painful.”

Saint smiles, endeared. “Okay, just say it one more time.”

“I forgot.”

“No, you haven’t.”

“I have. Nani can’t remember it.”

“Will Nani remember if I tickle him?”

“No, don’t.” He starts moving away but Saint wraps his arms around his belly and pulls him back in. “Nitiroj! Saint Thamnithit Nitiroj! I said it!”

“That was a narrow escape.”

Nani twists in his arms, facing him. “I won’t forget your name. I don’t have to brand it on my skin to remember it and you.”

“Saying things like this makes it harder to accept that you won’t be here for long.”

“It could be two more months.”

“Do you promise?”

“Promise.” The bell rings, putting a pause on their conversation. They both turn to the sound with matching frowns.

“Are Chingching and Anya returning today?”

“Not for two more days.” Saint climbs off the bed and hears Nani following him. He looks out the window. There’s a lady with a delivery bike at the gate. “Did you order food?”

“No, I’m hungry but I didn’t.”

“She must have gotten the wrong address. I’ll let her know, wait here.”

“Nani wants to come along.”

“Okay.”

They march to the gate together. It’s dark outside but the streetlights are bright enough to see her face. Saint recognizes her as the kind lady who helped Nani to a glass of water when he first arrived. The label on her delivery box says ‘Taste of the universe’. She smiles sweetly like she did on that day.

“Good evening,” Saint wais. “I think you have the wrong address.”

She shakes her head. “I’m at the right address. It says to deliver to Saint and Shin. Is that any of you?”

“Yes.”

She smiles, relieved. “The universe doesn't make mistakes.” She opens her box and unearths a paper bag. “Enjoy your meal, Saint,” she looks directly at Saint. “And Shin?” She nods at Nani. 

Saint collects the bag from her. “Uhm thanks. See you.”

“I hope not.” She chuckles as she climbs her bike and drives off leaving Nani and Saint frowning after her. “Do you think mom ordered it? She asked this morning if we ate and I said not yet. Maybe she’s worried that we aren’t eating well.”

They lock the gate and walk back in. “Anya is a kind woman. Nani is starving already.”

“Are you saying tsunami didn’t fill you up?”

“Stop talking nonsense.” The tips of his ears are red again. “What’s in the bag?”

“Changing the topic like that. Okay.” He opens the bag and pulls out an assortment of meals. Steamed shrimp in lime sauce, tofu mala, fried rice, stir-fried vegetables, and vegetable-fried noodles.

“Ohoo, how can we finish this?” Nani sits across from him on the floor. “My stomach is rumbling.” He picks up a set of chopsticks and hits it twice on the floor to tear the plastic wrap open.

Saint watches with a smile as he and his chopsticks decide what to taste first. He settles on the shrimp and feeds Saint one. Then he serves Saint some rice before taking some for himself. They talk while they eat. About what they should do tomorrow.

“We could try baking again.” Saint opens up to take a piece of carrot from Nani’s chopstick. “I’ll teach you how to make pie.”

“How about we just sleep instead? We can cuddle all day long.”

“Sold.” Saint laughs. 

Then they talk about what they should eat. After debating, they decide on today’s leftovers. Conversation fills them faster than their meal. Though they were hungry, they could barely finish one-third of the food.

“I can’t eat anymore.” Nani rubs his belly.

“You eat so little.” Saint complains, picking up some fortune cookies from the bag. He places one in Nani’s open palm and breaks open another.

“What does it say?” Nani asks.

“The door to the universe is where you lie.” He reads with a frown. “What does this mean?”

“Mine says the same thing.” Nani yawns. “Why am I sleepy? I’m sleepy, Saint.”

Saint picks up another one. It says the same thing. He frowns at the paper in his hands until the gears in his head start spinning. He feels cold when it dawns on him. He’s not the smartest cookie but it can’t be a coincidence that a restaurant called Taste of the universe opened up right around the time Nani arrived. Saint never saw its construction process even though he used that street religiously. It just sprung from nowhere. Saint’s heartbeat spikes as he breaks more fortune cookies. They all say the same thing.

The door to the universe is where you lie.

“Nani!” Saint crawls to him and shakes him awake. “You can’t fall asleep.”

“What’s happening?”

“It’s time.”

“Time for what?”

“You’re leaving me.”

Nani frowns speaking slowly. “That can’t be. We have plans for tomorrow.”

“I know, that’s why you have to stay awake. Stay with me.”

“I'm here. Nani is with you.”

“But you’re not—,” he trails off. “Damn it, we had plans for tomorrow.” Saint says to the open air. “Give us one more day. Nani, you said we’d cuddle all day. Can you stay a bit?” He’s holding Nani up now, bearing most of his weight. Nani reaches out at a sedated pace. Saint grabs his wrist and brings the hand to his face.

“Thamnithit Nitiroj. I won’t forget.” He smiles just as tears slide down the side of his face.

“I love you.” 

“I love you. Take care of our daughter, my melody.”

Saint laughs despite the pain in his chest. He feels weaker too. All the stress must be taking its toll. He lays Nani down gently and stretches out beside him. He stares into gentle brown eyes. Counts the lashes framing them. 

“Shin.” He plunges into the black hole behind his lids. 

Chapter Text

Shin wakes up to featherlight kisses on his nape. He squirms as he faces his attacker, a smile stretching his lips to undo the frown he’s trying to force. Saint’s hair looks lighter in the sun. The newly washed, semi-wet strands dangle over his dark round eyes and his smile seems to be competing with the sun. 

“We should get heavier curtains.” Shin yawns. He likes to sleep in on days when he doesn’t have any football games or practice. “The sun seems angry today.”

“Because there’s someone brighter in my bed.”

“Cheesy.”

“Hush, let me love you.” He parts Shin’s legs with his knee and slides a leg between them.

“Show me, Thamnithit, how much do you love me?”

“This much.” He pushes his leg deeper between Shin’s until his rock-hard dick is pressed against him. “Do you see what you do to me, mhmm Hirunkit?”

Shin awakes with a start. Sweat collects on the back of his neck and drips down his spine despite the chill in the room. He stays curled in on himself, still shaken by his nightmare. The space next to him is empty. Sky is somewhere in the house. His movements are boisterous enough to predict that he’s in the kitchen making them breakfast. Carefully, Shin leaves the bed to the bathroom. He takes the hottest shower he has ever had, hoping the heat will burn out the horrible thing he just dreamed of.

When he joins Sky in the kitchen later, he is still discomposed. Sky looks up upon his entry. He’s wearing a smile similar to what Saint wore in his dream. This smile is meant for Shin but his stomach turns. He knows he shouldn’t get so worked up over a fucking dream. It's just a dream. Saint wouldn’t do that to him. Saint loves him. Saint said he was the most important thing in his life. He hopes that all this still stands.

“Morning beautiful,” Sky greats as he moves around the island, balancing two plates in his hands. “I made us toast with avocado and eggs. We ought to hurry though, the drive is one hour long and we got a job in about three.”

Shin drags his feet toward one of the stools placed side by side. He doesn’t have much of an appetite but he picks up a fork just as Sky places two glasses of orange juice beside the plates.

“That’s all we get now. We can go have some hot pot after work, okay?” Shin nods. Sky frowns. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I just had a really bad dream.”

“Oh.” He’s quiet for a moment like he doesn’t know what to say, then he asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. Don’t worry about it. Come sit down and let’s eat.” He pats Sky’s seat which earns him the most Saint-like smile. “Don’t make that face.”

“What face?” He moves closer.

“That fucking face, Wongravee.” Shin has started smiling against his will. There are a few things he’s immune to and Saint’s smile isn’t one of them. “Just eat your food.” He holds the bite on his fork to Sky and he happily opens his mouth and takes it. The Saint look intensifies and Shin feels his chest getting lighter and his heart getting softer. “Is it that good?”

“Yes, because I made it. I’m great.”

He is but Shin rolls his eyes. He wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of agreeing. “You’re full of yourself. Shut up and let’s eat.”

Sky only smiles in response. It is another exact copy of Saint’s. It makes the butterflies in Shin’s stomach dance. He looks away and eats his food.

The drive back to Bangkok is an interesting one. Shin asks to drive and Sky refuses which makes him sulk and stand outside the car until Sky promises to let him sleep with money taped to his body. He doesn’t fall asleep this time. Instead, they play car games as they drive past evergreens and mountains. He sings along to every song on Sky’s playlist. On the fourth song, Sky turns to him, eyebrows raised.

“What? It’s all you play, I'm bound to pick up some words.”

“You picked up all the words.”

“It’s A Whole New World, everyone and their grandparents have seen Aladdin.”

“Not everyone knows all the words.”

“God forbid a guy has a retentive memory.” Shin’s fake outrage makes Sky laugh so hard that the car veers slightly off their lane on the deserted road. “Hey, look forward.”

Shin is forcibly taken back to moments of him and Saint on his scooter. Saint is laughing as he twists his neck to watch Shin’s face.

“Look forward, idiot. Do you want us to crash?” A light tap to the helmet.

“Crash?” He replies, laughing like the idea of that happening under his watch is absolutely ridiculous. Saint has too much confidence in himself especially when it comes to protecting Shin.

For the first time, Shin starts to wonder how Saint must be with Nani. He teased Sky about Saint and Nani just to get under his skin but what if it’s true? What if his nightmare was a warning from the fucking universe? Shin’s spirit deflates. A sudden headache seizes him so that he has to fall back against the seat to catch his breath.

He looks at the side of Sky’s hazy face, so concentrated on the road ahead. His neck has little half-moon marks from Shin’s nails last night. If Sky’s shirt is pulled up, he will find more evidence of what they’d done. “You think they fucked yet?”

Sky turns to him for a second. His face remains neutral but Shin notices how his grip on the steering wheel tightens. “They haven’t.”

“How do you know that?” He is asking for himself. He needs a reason to calm his mind. “We fucked.”

“I know Nani, he wouldn't.”

That’s not good enough for Shin. When he got here, Sky wouldn’t even look him in the eyes. He was restless the first night they slept in the same bed. How well does he know Nani? Shin on the other hand has known Saint for years. “Saint might.” His vision gets blurry and he can’t tell if it’s the onset of tears or the pounding in his head. His eyes feel heavier by the second. 

“Saint is obsessed with you. I know because I played him. He wouldn’t sleep with just anybody.”

“Nani is not just anybody. I am obsessed with Saint too but look at us.” Shin has never admitted that out loud before. Saint should’ve been the first to hear this confession. There are so many regrets he wishes to undo now. Should haves and could haves that cannot be fixed. If he wasn’t so self-centered, Saint wouldn’t be in love with some actor now.

Shin misses home. He misses Saint, his home. His eyes get heavier than his heart. He tries to keep them open unsuccessfully. “Saint,” he hears himself say as he loses consciousness.

**

Shin is tied to a chair in a semi-dark wet room. The water at his feet keeps rising at a slow pace. Beside him is another victim he can’t make out properly. The guy is crying and making no effort to free himself like Shin is.

Shin freezes when the door opens and a man walks in, dragging another person with him. Shin knows at once that it is Saint. He could make Saint out in total darkness. From the strand of his hair to the mole on his back.

“Saint,” he muffles through his cloth gag. “Get the fuck away from him!” He screams. “Let him go!”

The man, who somehow looks like a Frankenstein of Jeng and Zack, smirks and releases Saint with a shove. He stumbles forward and falls weakly to his knees between Shin and the sobbing captive.

“Only one of them can walk out alive.” His voice makes Shin’s skin crawl. “Good news is, you get to decide which of them lives.” He leans forward and presses a pistol into Saint’s hand. “There’s only one bullet in there so don’t get any heroic ideas. My men will gun you and them down before you make it out of this room. So choose Saint, which of them will you save?”

Saint doesn’t hesitate to lift the gun. Shin gasps as it is pointed at him. Saint’s eyes are angry and focused. His pupils have gone dark and round like that day in the rain, moments before he would hear the sickening crack of his bones. Shin is terrified. He shakes his head. “Saint, it’s me. It’s Shin. I—,” he chokes on his words when he turns to the other captive. The man is looking at him with a tear-filled face. It is like looking in a mirror. Horror grips Shin. “He’s not real.” His words are barricaded by his gag. No amount of screaming will save him now.

The gun corks loudly and goes off. The bullet makes a hole through Shin’s heart, throwing him on the wet floor.

Shin wakes up with a loud gasp. Saint’s worried face floats above him. He clutches his chest, sighing in relief. “What happened?” Shin cannot speak. He starts sobbing which alarms Saint. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” He holds Shin’s quivering body in his arms. 

“You—you shot me. I don’t understand, why did you shoot me? Why didn’t you choose me?”

“It’s okay now, it was just a dream.”

After a while, Shin calms down. “Where are we? Why are we in a car?”

Saint makes a strange face. Shin would laugh if he wasn’t disoriented. “This is my car. We are on our way to work.”

“What?” He squeezes his eyes shut as another surge of dizziness crashes, painting dark spots in his vision. Memories start to rush in like an erupted pipe. “Sky?” He hopes he doesn’t sound disappointed. Those few seconds of not remembering were blissful. Now that he does, his nightmare takes a different meaning. When it comes down to it, Saint might choose Nani.

“You scared me!” Sky shouts. He does look scared. “You were talking and just shut down. I almost called an ambulance!” Shin notices that his hand is shaking too. Sky tries to act nonchalant most of the time but he’s one of the most caring people Shin has met. He takes Sky’s hand and holds it to his heart.

“I’m okay. I'm fine now.”

“May I hug you?” Shin nods. Leans over the center console and into Sky’s arms. He wraps Shin tightly like a child who doesn’t want to give away his favorite toy. “You scared me.” He whispers. 

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault but please don’t do that again.”

“I’m okay now but I might really die if you keep squeezing this hard.” Sky pulls back but keeps his hands on Shin’s shoulders. His eyes swim with affection so suffocating that Shin has to look away for a second to catch his breath. He felt the same way whenever Saint looked at him. “What?”

“I don’t want to let go.”

“We have work to get to.”

“Don’t be silly. I’m driving you home to rest.”

“You don’t be silly. I’m not that frail. I’m not Nani.”

“That was uncalled for.” Though he is chiding, his tone is still soft. He touches the back of his hand to Shin’s forehead tenderly. “Are you feverish?”

“You’re dotting. Your age is showing.”

“I’m only six years older than you.”

Shin tilts his head. “Cremation or burial?”

“Oh shut up, Shin.” Sky starts the engine. “Just shut up.”

“Why don’t you make me?” The engine dies immediately. Shin lifts a brow as Sky looks down at his lips and bites his own. “Don’t take your time, uncle. You don’t have that luxury anymore. You’re almost nearing your gra—,”

He loses the rest of the words to a kiss.

**

Sky whittles away at his nails as he waits for Shin to regain consciousness. The second hand of the clock seems to be moving at a slower pace today. Every two seconds, he holds his index finger to Shin’s nostrils to make sure he’s still breathing. To make sure that he's still here. These episodes will always be frightening no matter how many times they occur. Shin’s brows are squished together and his lashes are fluttering rapidly which suggests another nightmare. If Sky could, he would reach into his dream and pull him out. Shin hides what he dreams about. He says it’s nothing and then cries in Sky’s arms, trembling down to his teeth.

Sky enjoys Shin’s company. He once thought they wouldn't get along because they were similar.   However, he has come to realize over the weeks that Shin’s crazy is a different kind. It’s a kind he enjoys and doesn’t want to part with quickly. Sky enjoys his smile, and his kisses, he loves the tense moments in public when his entire being goads him to turn around and pull Shin in for a kiss. He loves Shin’s playfulness during moments that are supposed to be serious. This is why he watches in fear every time Shin falls limp.

“Where am I? I’m afraid.” Shin wakes up sobbing again. His big brown eyes are filled with betrayal. “You wouldn’t choose me. Why didn’t you choose me? I would choose you, I’d always choose you.” He falls into Sky’s arms. Kisses him desperately. “Choose me. Choose me.” He cries between kisses. After a while, when his eyes refocus, he touches Sky’s face and whispers his name. “Would you choose me?”

Sky does not understand what he’s asking but he nods eagerly. “Yes.” Shin kisses him. Gratitude mixed with neediness. Sky shivers as warm hands slide under his shirt.

“Need you.” Whispers Shin against his lips.

“Shin, wait you just regained consciousness.”

“I’m fine.” He smiles. Bites his lips. So fucking lewd. This is a man who knows how to wrap anyone around his finger. Saint was crazy for him and Sky is rapidly drifting under his spell.

Sky wipes the remaining tears on his face. Holds his eyes. “I’m here, Shin. You don’t have to fuck me to make me choose you.”

Shin falls back against the mountain of pillows. “I’m scared.”

Sky lies down beside him. “Of what?”

“This—everything. It hurts whenever I pass out and I see—bad things in my sleep.”

“They are just dreams. Nothing can hurt you in your dreams.”

“But you would choose me, right?”

Sky pulls him closer by the nape and kisses him gently. “Promise, Shin.”

**

Sky is apprehensive of Shin passing out in the streets or worse, during an event so he refuses new jobs in favor of lazing around at home. Shin isn't complaining. He loves doing nothing with Sky. The actor has even stopped his morning runs, afraid that Shin might pass out and hit his head against something while he’s away. They play FIFA and eat takeout food. They watch Aladdin after Shin’s pestering. When A Whole New World comes on, they hold invisible mics to their lips and belt out the words to their hearts’ content. When the music ends and Jasmine and Aladdin float above the city on their magic carpet, Shin tugs Sky closer by his stupid Kuromi hoodie and kisses him like it’s his last night on this earth because it might be.

The look in Sky’s eyes becomes more and more Saint-like as the days pass. Perhaps it’s just Shin projecting onto him but he accepts it even as a coping mechanism.

The blackouts are still scary but Shin relaxes once he regains his memory. Sky is always by his side when he wakes up. “I’ll choose you,” he agrees and Shin’s fears fade away. 

There are no in-person events so he keeps fans entertained online, usually saying something Nani wouldn’t say and sending everyone including Sky into a frenzy. He loves watching Sky pulling his hair out in bed right beside him as he tries to outdo whatever mess Shin created.

There are many things he likes now. Like binge-watching Shin edits on TikTok and soaking in all the love meant for him and him alone. Nani may be a pain but he’s a wonderful actor. Sometimes, without meaning to, he kicks his feet as he watches Saint and Shin edits. He’s gotten quite mushy since coming to this universe. He wasn’t like this before, he tells himself.

“You’ve always been mushy,” Sky argues when he uses this defense. “Especially when it comes to Saint.”

“That’s a lie!”

“We have so many good memories that I could have forgiven you for breaking my leg.” Shin starts making bird sounds to distract him but Sky persists. “But you disappeared and left me.”

He strikes him with a throw pillow. “Shut up! How do you even remember that?”

“It’s in the script. What about the time you cried because he got beat up?”

“He was in pain, of course, I cried. Fine, you win.” He kicks Sky. Sky grabs his ankle and drags him across the couch into his lap. He joins their foreheads and his hands travel slowly up and down Shin’s back but doesn’t make any attempt to take things further. “What?” He whispers.

“Nothing.”

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like Saint.”

“That may be because I kinda look like the guy.”

“No, it’s different. You didn’t have that look when I met you but now, you do.” As Shin talks it hits him why Sky has been looking more like Saint. They have the same face so it makes sense that they have the same in-love look. He does not want to get ahead of himself but it looks more and more like it every day. “It makes me make silly assumptions.”

“What silly assumptions?”

“Assumptions l-like you’re in love with me.”

A beat. Then, “And what if I am.”

Shin’s heart must have indeed gotten softer. It starts pounding capriciously. “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

“What would I gain from lying? You’re already mine.”

“What about Nani?”

“It's you I’m holding.” He kisses Shin. It could be to avoid more questions but Shin happily kisses him back. Because now, it completely feels like kissing Saint, the kiss of someone who loves him. Someone who might choose him.

“I love you,” Shin says. He means it. It shocks him how much he means it. He refused to say these words to Saint because he was afraid of losing him. He isn’t afraid anymore. Love, whether loud or hidden, will leave when it has to. He should’ve been louder with Saint. He should’ve walked into class holding his hand and showing off the greatest love he has ever known.

“I love you too, Ni.”

When the human body dies, it takes nearly 2 hours for rigor morris to set in. When the human soul dies, it takes less than 2 seconds. Shin cannot feel his legs or his fingers or the tears on his face though he is sure that he is crying. Sky blinks at him with innocent confusion then he freezes as if his words just played back to him.

“Shin. I meant Shin.”

The sound of his name wakes him and brings him back from the brink of death. This is his nightmare playing before his eyes. He climbs off Sky’s lap, legs unsteady. “Have you always thought of him while fucking me?”

“No, no.” Sky rises but before he can reach his full intimidating height, Shin shoves him back into the couch.

“Fuck you!” 

“Will you listen to me?” He sounds like a madman. Like he is the one whose heart has just been ripped into half by a callous man.

“Do you think I’m fucking stupid? What could you possibly say to undo what you’ve done?”

“It was a mistake.”

“You know what is a mistake? Sleeping with you and believing your fucking lies.”

“Why are you so upset when you’ve called for Saint every night since you got here?” Sky seems annoyed now, his tiny nostrils flaring. “The only reason you’re with me is because I look like him!”

“That’s not the same fucking thing!”

“Because it’s worse! You slept in my arms while dreaming of another man!”

“I can’t help what I dream about!”

“Does that make me hurt less?”

Shin crouches, unable to keep standing, weighed down by his emotions. He stands again almost immediately. He feels more suffocated closer to the floor. His tears won’t stop. His heart breaks the more he looks at Sky who is watching him just like Saint does. “Nani gets you and he gets Saint. What do I fucking get? What’s so fucking special about him that you’re both willing to cast me aside for him?”

Sky is up again, reaching out for Shin.

“Don’t!” Shin jerks away and screams when Sky touches him. “I hope I never fucking see you again.” He snatches his phone from the couch and stomps out, paying no heed to the panic-stricken voice calling out his name.

**

The remnants of the sunset lights are fading from the sky. Soon it will be dark outside, almost as dark as the growing pit in Shin’s soul. He wants to be anywhere but near Sky but he doesn’t know anyone else and doesn't care to know anyone else. He would go to Nani’s apartment and make good on his threat to burn his dolls. Fortunately for the actor, Shin does not know the address. So he goes to the only address he’s familiar with.

The taxi stops in front of the Chinese restaurant. Its red neon lights read Taste of The Universe and the open sign on the door is a glowing beacon. Shin pays with his phone and exits the taxi. Tears are still running down his face in rivulets but he makes no effort to hide them. Sky was right, he’s always been a softie when it comes to Saint. But now, it appears that he’s a softie for Sky too. The restaurant opens just as he reaches the entrance as if they’ve been waiting for him.

“Welcome to Taste of The Universe, do you have a reservation?” The middle-aged woman parrots. She’s in a dark red sleeveless dress, the same color as her distracting lipstick.

The place is as vacant as the day Shin met it. He looks around. “No, but I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

“Grab a seat, everyone has a place in the universe.”

Shin takes the very seat he occupied on the day he arrived. Not two seconds later, a pack of tissues is placed before him. “Thanks.” He wipes his uncontrollable tears. He expects the lady to excuse herself and give him some privacy to mope but her shadow looms for a moment and then she takes the seat opposite him.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really, you wouldn’t understand anyway.”

“The universe is vast and filled with infinite possibilities. Try me.”

Shin stares at her for a second. He needs someone to vent to anyway. Who cares if she thinks he’s crazy? He grabs fresh tissues for his tears and starts the story from the moment he woke up in Nani’s bed.

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” The lady says when he’s done. She doesn’t look at him like he’s crazy. “From what I just heard, you have feelings for Sky?”

“Regrettably.”

“And you love Saint?”

“More than anything.”

She frowns. “You can love two men but he cannot?”

“He can but…,” Shin trails away. When she puts it like that, his anger seems stupid. 

“But what?” 

“He shouldn’t have said his name. At that moment, all I saw was Saint choosing Nani over me like in my dreams.” He stopped crying about one week into the story but the tears are starting back up. “And I miss Saint. His final memory of me wasn’t a good one. I have seen the kind of person Nani is, he would be a perfect replacement for me. Saint would love him. Even I can’t help but be endeared when I come across his videos on my feed.” 

She smiles. “Look outside.” Shin looks out. Sky’s Benz rolls into the parking space. “He came for you.”

“I’m still mad at him, I don’t want to see him.”

“What if you go to bed tonight and wake up in your universe? Do you want to live regretting your last words to him too?”

“No.” That would be terrible.

The bell chimes as Sky rushes into the restaurant. He looks around wildly until he spots Shin. He exhales and struts towards him. Crouches next to him. His eyes are shiny with tears. “I was worried about you. I thought you passed out somewhere or worse, disappeared.”

Shin’s poor heart thaws. His anger evaporates, leaving behind deep sadness. “How did you find me?”

“I looked through Nani’s tag. Some fans spotted you in the area.”

“I’ll excuse you two.” The lady rises and Sky takes her seat. “I’ll make you something warm to drink.”

“Thank you.”

“Okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Sky says after she leaves. “I’m sorry for loving someone else but it doesn’t take away from what I feel for you. It’s just—it’s so complicated. I didn’t mean to fall for you, I didn’t think I’d fall for you. You push me in ways that nobody has before. You steer me in directions I’ve always been afraid to venture. You gave me something I wanted so badly. I think—,” he chuckles, sad and brief. “You’ve made it impossible to live without you.”

Shin wipes the tears from his eyes. “You know how to make a guy cry.”

“That’s not my intention. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, you’ll just make me cry more.”

Sky reaches over for his face and thumbs the tears in the corners of his eyes. “I made your beautiful eyes cry.”

“Shut up.” He knows he must be blushing. “Don’t be like Saint. Don’t be cheesy.”

“We should all be learning from Saint if he makes you blush like this.”

Shin ducks his head, smiling widely. “Stop it.”

“Okay okay, I’ll stop. What can I do to make it up to you?”

“Pay for my drink and take me home.”

Sky looks sadder for some reason. He takes a look around the restaurant and wears a wet smile. “Shin, I don’t think we have time for—,”

“Your drinks are ready.” The lady interrupts with a sugary voice. “It’s on the house,” she turns away. “For all the trouble.”

Shin takes a sip of his drink after she settles behind the counter again. The drink has no similar taste to anything he has ever had but it is delicious. It was like drinking—well, the universe. It has an immediate calming effect on him. All his worries before become redundant. Sky seems to be enjoying his drink too. He watches from the rim of his mug, smiling whenever their gazes meet.

Shin has lived quite an adventurous life. He experienced everything a boy of his social class could and more. Living as Nani exposed him to a different world. Being with Sky showed him there’s more to see. His life here has been a different kind of adventure. In Shin’s world, chaos could mean the loss of life. Chaos here is harmless and he pushed the boundaries as much as he could. Every moment with Sky has been peaceful chaos. 

“What’s got you smiling?” Sky asks.

“You. I recalled the time I told reporters that we lived together and you froze for a whole minute and became a meme.”

“That was crazy, you’re crazy.”

“You told me before the event that Nani always answered questions honestly and to do the same.”

“Not that honestly. You knew what you were doing.”

“I did. Don’t tell me how to act like your Nani.”

“You said Saint was hotter than me.”

“He is.”

“He’s a broke—,”

“Broke boy with no prospects. You parrot this every time his name comes up. It’s rehearsed. Just admit that he kind of pisses you off.”

Sky stalls. “He does," he admits. “He gets on my last nerve but I also understand why you love him. I was him for a couple of months. I felt how much he loved you, how much he’d give for you. You say you love me but I know the ratio is probably 90% to 10%.” Shin starts to defend this but Sky shakes his head. “I feel lucky to have that 10%. I wish I could hate him for taking most of your heart. Sure, a part of me is jealous but some other part, call it character bleed, is glad that the man he loves is just as crazy for him.”

Shin wipes his eyes. “Why do I feel sad? I feel terrible for some reason.”

“You know why.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t want to know. We just started.”

“It’s not the end. At least not for you. One of us gets to have a happy ending.”

“You deserve a happy ending too. Or a happy beginning.”

“I’ll be happy just to have him back. I miss him.”

Shin nods. Instead of jealousy, he feels serenity. He reaches across the table for Sky’s hand. Their fingers entwine, red thread against red thread. The significance of this hits him. Fated lovers in each universe, connected by a red string. It’s a beautiful sight so Shin brings his phone out and snaps a picture. 

Their intertwined fingers with their red threads and their half-empty mugs are in frame. The mugs are identical in color and design, red and white with a message that might be confusing to others but unambiguous to him; The door to the universe is where you lie.

Shin shares the photo on X and IG. ‘I tasted the universe and fell in love with him @skywongravee’ Tagging him is needless as everyone can tell who it is but Shin wants to clear any iota of doubt from all minds.

When Sky’s phone vibrates with a notification, he picks it up and smiles at his screen. His smile is so big and beautiful. But when he tries to speak, his lips quake, and tears spill from his eyes. “I love you,” his voice breaks. “I’m gonna miss you so fucking much.”

“If you forget about me, I’ll find you and kill you. I took your virginity.”

“Shin, not now. We are having a moment.”

“I wanted to go home with wads of cash taped to my skin but all I have is this red thread. Please help me take it off.”

“Why?”

“I wanna keep it in my pocket. It has a little zipper. I’m preparing for a long journey.” His wrist looks empty without the red thread. He carefully puts it into his pocket and closes the zipper.

“Do you have more space in there for me?” Sky asks.

Shin laughs as tears roll down his cheeks. “Can you come closer? I can’t seem to move my legs.”

Sky moves his chair around the table to Shin’s side. When they are close enough, Shin rests his head on his shoulder. He holds on tightly to Sky’s hand. Tight enough to take him along.

Dizzy, Shin tries to focus on the sigils hanging around the restaurant. He thinks he could read them if he tried hard enough though he doesn’t know a single Chinese character. “Sing me a lullaby.”

“I don’t know any.”

“Sing me any song.”

“I can show you the world.” Sky starts softly. “Shining, shimmering, splendid. Tell me, Naruebet, now, when did you last let your heart decide?” Shin can’t discern any more words after that. He feels the vibration of Sky’s voice. He knows when it gets shaky and his voice starts to expel more tears than music. 

There must be a cry of his name. His shoulders must be shaken. There must have been cold lips pressed against his. Foreign teardrops dripped onto his face. There must have been an I love you, or four or five of them. 

A whole new world

With new horizons to pursue

I’ll chase them anywhere

There's time to spare

Let me share this whole new world with you

Shin sees black. 

Chapter Text

Nani rouses to the blaring of an alarm clock. He reaches out blindly in the dark to turn it off but knocks it off the nightstand. There’s a weight on his neck that makes it hard for him to move. After lying motionless, he recognizes the weight as his head. He groans as he turns towards Saint.

“Saint.” He whispers, grasping at the space next to him. Talking aggravates the pounding in his head. Instead of a warm body, he touches something else. Soft, fluffy, and unalive. It takes a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. The first thing he notices is the lack of Saint’s presence, hovering above him and staring like he’s a discovery. And the second is the color of his sheets.

Scenes from last night rush in like a stream through a broken levee. He grabs both sides of his head as he’s flooded with memories. Saint. Their kisses. Their tearful goodbye. 

Their goodbye.

Nani inhales deeply and exhales with a dejected whimper. He’s home. He’s finally home and he’s so damn happy but—. But what? What about Saint? There’s relief for finding his way back home and then there’s hurt for what he left behind, what he’ll never get back. How could he begin to explain to anyone that he loved someone in another universe?

Carefully, so as not to move his body too much and heighten the pain in his head, he goes to the bathroom and stands before his mirror. His face stares back at him. Calm on the surface but unsettled underneath. That’s how it has always been. He hides his thoughts and feelings beneath an almost blank surface. Smiling just enough to make people happy and tucking away the rest of his feelings for later when he’s alone.

He stares at his eyes. They are still the same color and shape. Did he expect them to change? His hair is quite long which is normal as he didn't get a haircut while he was away. His skin feels rough against his palm. Allergies and a lack of proper skincare could do that to a person. Overall, he still looks the same. Except for the hickey Saint left above the mole on his neck, he looks normal. Just like Nani.

Just Nani. Not Shin, not anyone else.

A new seed sprouts from the fertile bed of insecurities in his mind. What if the fans like Shin better? What if he cannot measure up? Sure, he can pretend to be Shin but it could get tiring real quick. He doesn’t want to be Shin. He likes being himself. 

He returns to his bedroom and draws his curtains, allowing morning light to drive the darkness away. The darkness within stubbornly remains. It feels odd standing in his own room. He feels like a stranger here. He’s been sleeping in Saint and Shin’s room for over 3 months now. He’s become accustomed to the coziness of Saint and Shin’s bed. To the warmth of Saint. How, he’ll miss it and him. 

He moves around his bedroom to find traces of Shin. Did he live here? Did he like it? While away, he never gave thought to these questions. Nani hopes he did. He hopes Shin felt as warm as he did in his bed.

He walks to his shelf of dolls. They are precisely how he left them. Shin must not be a fan. He picks up a melody doll. Caresses it as he makes fruitless attempts to drown out thoughts of Saint’s honest gift, Saint, or the man who looks exactly like him.

How has he been? Could he tell them apart or had he been walking around with Shin thinking he was Nani? Saint knew he was not Shin at first glance but they were lovers. Did Sky know him enough to tell them apart?

A call distracts him from his thoughts. It’s P’Som. 

“Nani, where are you?” 

“I just woke up.”

“Did you forget your schedule?”

“Today?”

“6th January, Royal Canin live, 9:00 am? What is the matter with you two today?” She sounds like a tired mother. “Be here in an hour.” 

He checks the time at the top left corner of his phone. It’s 7:15 am, he should be in makeup. “Okay, see you.” He’s never been late for work. The universe could’ve been kind enough to give him a heads up about new developments. What’s difficult about whispering into his head, ‘hey Nani, you have a live on January 6th’?

Nani pauses on his way to the bathroom. That’s wrong. January was about 3 months ago. He rushes back to snatch his phone, goosebumps breaking along his arms like an infection. The screen says 6th January. Doubtfully, he googles today’s date. Gasps when it’s displayed across his skin. January 6th was the day he was transported to another planet. Time stopped while he was away. 

But for the hickey on his neck and the Shin’s faded clothes on his skin, he would’ve doubted that the jump happened at all. He holds the shirt to his nose and breathes in the citrusy fabric softener. Saint smelled like this and so did their sheets.

He opens the Instagram app next. There are no new posts apart from the one he made months ago—no, last night. There is a story of half his face with the caption, ‘c u 2morrow #royalcaninxskynani’. He sent that while half asleep several nights ago.

The phone falls out of his trembling hands. The pulsing in his temples gets stronger with his migraine. He knew the universe was cruel but he hoped that they’d show him some mercy. In the form of amnesia or perhaps give him someone to share his pain with. But here he is alone with his memories and his feelings.

**

Nani stumbles on air and freezes when he sees Sky again for the first time in months. Maybe time does too. For them. Has it always been like this or has he been corrupted by the months spent away? Has fate or the universe always broken rules for them? What have they to achieve from this? Perhaps it is to hear how terribly his heart beats when the big smile he just saw yesterday is thrown at him, or to witness how sadly his entire being trembles and yearns to hug him. He’s been away for so long. He misses him terribly.

Sky smiles brighter than Saint. Nani likes it. He’s always envied how smiling came easily to Sky. He wonders what it’d feel like. How it’d taste.

No no no! His thoughts screech to a halt. He shakes his head vigorously to clear them. Sky is his friend, his bro, buddy. He wouldn’t entertain such depraved thoughts from him.

“Nani?” P’White, a makeup artist, calls. Nani has an audience. Everyone is watching him like he’s lost his mind. He must have. He tears his gaze away from Sky. His face is a blazing furnace.

“Nani is okay.” He moves forward to his seat beside Sky.

“Khun Nani,” Sky says in his usual playful tone. Nani meets his eyes in the dressing mirror for a moment before looking away and fixing them on P’White.

He’s not watching Sky. Nonetheless, he feels the power of his gaze on him. Of that small smile he must be wearing. Nani’s pulse picks up. He mustn’t do this. This is Sky, his best friend. Nani shudders and keeps avoiding Sky.

Sky however does not have the same reservations. “What’s that, Nani?”

He is forced to look at Sky again. He is no longer smiling. His gaze dashes from Nani’s face to his neck. “What?”

“What’s that on your neck?”

Nani places a hand over the spot he knows Sky is referring to. You did this. Or a different version of you did. He glances at the mirror at P’White who is doing his best to look like he’s not listening in. The truth is absurd. And Nani is not the best liar. “Nani fell.” It’s a shameful lie. He’s aware and he knows Sky can see right through him but he nods after staring at Nani’s neck for a few more seconds. 

“Tell P’White to cover it up.” He says and looks ahead. Nani doesn’t feel his gaze after that.

Working is easy. Working with Sky is easier. Nani follows the script he read months ago and Sky, as always, is ready to catch him when he falters.

Things get a bit difficult when Sky starts to touch Nani. They are friendly touches but it feels painful, like a scorching stamp. When Sky looks at him, he feels like an organism under a microscope, as if he sees his thoughts and knows what he’s been up to.

So when the live ends, Nani makes up a story about going home early to talk to his mother. He already called her on his way to work this morning but nobody knows that. Instead of going home, he orders a ride to Shin’s neighborhood. The tall white house is as lovely as Nani left it yesterday but it looks deserted. The gate surrounding it is bolted with a padlock heavier than Nani’s arm. Despite this, he shakes the gate slightly and cranes his neck as though he might see Saint rushing through the doors to get him.

A wave of longing crashes into him. He’s been reasonable all day long. He’s stayed strong. But now, his feelings drain him. He misses Saint. He was a significant part of his life. He shared so many firsts with him. And yet he has nothing to show for it except this ache in his chest.

After a while, he goes back to his condo. Things are strangely normal. Life is as it always is. Everyone is as they've always been and yet something has changed inside him. He feels hollow. Something is missing. He picks up his phone and goes through the event tag for the day. A few tweets say he looks awkward or sick. Some are wishing for him to take care of himself.

He thought he hid it well. Acted his way out of an unfortunate situation. And yet he still failed. He is bad at faking it. What Nani feels, Nani shows. But shouldn’t he do better? He must not let his personal life interfere with his work. Fans look up to him. They depend on him to bring them joy. So he makes a tweet apologizing for anything he may have done wrong and promises to do better. He adds a photo of himself and Sky that was taken by the makeup artist and thanks the fans for their continuous support.

He stashes his phone under his pillow and closes his eyes. Exhaustion knocks him out swiftly. He dreams of soft lips on his neck. Instead of citrus fabric softener, he smells a mix of vetiver and vanilla, Sky’s scent.

Nani wakes up pulse racing and sweat dripping along his spine. He sighs, glaring at the tent in his pants.

**

Nani is not one to avoid confrontation but this is beyond him. He’s been dodging Sky’s invitation to eat for the past two days. This is no simple confrontation. His decadent body has gone rogue. His heart won't stop longing. His mind conjures up scenarios involving Sky. He thinks of Saint and misses him but when he sleeps, it is Sky he sees. They have the same face and body. But Nani knows it’s Sky. He knows because his heart knows.

He’s not free when he regains consciousness because Sky leaves him messages, asking how he’s doing. Nani responds politely but doesn’t ask questions that drag the conversation on. Luckily, work for the past couple of days has been solo but he’d have to face Sky tomorrow at a Grab event. His pulse picks up at the thought. Nani groans, smashing a pillow into his face. His giant my melody plushie looks at him like he has gone crazy. He has, indeed.

After an hour of scrolling through his Instagram and interacting with some of his colleagues' posts, his idle brain leads him to Shin’s house again.  As it has been whenever he visited yesterday and the day before, the gate is still locked. When he closes his eyes, he sees Shin and Saint playing in the compound like he did with Saint when the sun goes down. Saint said they were the same but Nani saw how broken he was over Shin’s absence. He must be happy now. Instead of bitterness, Nani feels happy for him. If anyone deserves to smile more, it’s Saint.

Saint is no longer his, was never really for him, but Nani clings to the iron gate, and closes his eyes again, afraid that if he lets go of this, then he would have nothing left at all.

At 4, he carries what's left of his heart and returns to his condo. He falters on the corridor when he sees a familiar back. Broad and tall, a bear as he affectionately calls him. His heart is full again. “Khun Sky.”

Sky turns around. He takes a step forward and pauses. “Ni.” There’s a bag in his hand that Nani is just noticing. He lifts it. “I brought you food.”

This is the sky he knows and loves. A friend who knows what he needs without having to say anything. Nani moves forward, touched beyond words. Before he can second-guess himself, he falls into Sky’s arms. 

“Ao,” Sky mutters as he catches Nani’s weight. Nani closes his eyes and breathes out his exhaustion. It’s too heavy for him to carry alone. The hand without a bag comes around Nani. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

**

Sky watches him. His Nani. He eats bite by bite. Unhurried. So unlike Shin. Sky reaches forward, his fingers almost touching Nani’s on the center table but he draws back to avoid startling him. Nani is not like Shin. If he pushes, he’s afraid he will run like he’s been doing for the past couple of days.

When Sky woke up to the screensaver he used three months ago, he knew the universe pulled a nasty one on them. He cursed and screamed at the ceiling. After releasing his anger, he started to worry that perhaps Nani had been reset too. His doubts were removed when he saw him, radiantly gaping at Sky from the doorway of the dressing room as though he hadn't seen him in years.

He must admit that he was a bit miffed when he saw the hickey on Nani’s neck. He recognized it because it’s the same as the one he left on Shin. He knows he doesn’t exactly have a leg to stand on as he was with Shin himself but that doesn’t stop him from cursing Saint. Fuck Saint. And fuck the universe.

His rhythm with Nani was off. Something he built with his sweat and blood for months was gone. He wasn’t allowed the little touches that fulfilled him anymore. Nani stiffened and flinched on contact and Sky cursed the universe and Saint more.

Thus began the excruciating game of cat and mouse. Nani was never available to eat. Not when he mentioned shabu shabu. Not even a G-dragon only karaoke date could move him. He had shut himself up again like when they first met, before Sky would carefully pry him open and read him like a journal.

He was frustrated and yet he waited. Waited for Nani to initiate because that was Nani’s thing. He initiates on his time. He ignored Shin’s voice in his head, calling him a coward until he couldn’t anymore. So he stopped refreshing Nani’s Instagram page and his hashtag on X to catch sight of him and headed for his condo, stopping only to grab some sandwiches from his restaurant.

When Nani didn't get the door in the first 5 minutes, Sky thought he had overstepped his boundaries. However, just as he was about to turn around and leave, he heard his name. How is it that even his own name coming from Nani’s lips has such a calming effect? When Nani fell against him, Sky knew what he was feeling. He’s felt the same since he woke up alone. Maybe now they can be okay. 

“Water?” He offers Nani a bottle of water and waits patiently as he chews the food in his mouth and accepts it.

“Thanks.” He mutters after drinking and Sky’s heart skips. He has never seen anything more adorable. Nani eats slowly but he finishes the sandwich Sky brought. He must have been hungry. Sky wonders if he miscalculated by keeping his distance. Has Nani been neglecting to eat? He may not look like it but he is a big eater. Watching Nani eating is one of Sky’s favorite things because of the little sounds of pleasure he makes. The involuntary dance he does when he likes something or the gentle swinging of his feet under the table.

“Did you like it?”

“Yes, thanks. Nani was quite hungry.”

“I can tell. You shouldn’t skip meals.”

He holds Sky’s eyes for a moment. The longest eye contact they’ve made since the switch and Sky’s heart thumps for every second of it. His honey brown eyes are darker under the unnatural light in his living room. “I had a lot on my mind.”

“Like what?” 

“Like—,” he clears his throat. “A lot.”

“We can talk about it.” If not now, then when? If they are to break this limbo they've been in, a conversation needs to be had. Sky missed Nani, yes, but he was still surrounded by so many things he loved in a universe he was familiar with. Nani did not have that luxury. “How did it feel? What was it like?”

Nani’s perfectly trimmed eyebrows squish together. “How did what feel?”

Sky mimics him, thrown off for a moment. Then it dawns on him that Nani doesn’t know that he knows. He tends to get lost in his head most times and doesn't take note of the things and people around him. But Sky, he observes Nani, studies him like his favorite subject so of course, he could tell. However, Nani must have walked around for the past few days feeling alone. He must have felt he had nobody to talk to. Sky wants to hug him again but he doesn’t.

‘Coward,’ Shin’s voice comes to him. He brushes it off.

“The switch. The whole multiverse thing?” Realization slowly creeps into Nani’s face. Even that is pleasant to witness. It’s like a baby slowly becoming aware of its environment. His eyes widen into big round saucers. There seems to be a personal battle going on in his head as his face switches with each cognition.

He takes some time to process it all. Then a breathless, “Khun Sky.”

“Yes, Nani?”

“But,” he frowns. “Why are we the only ones who remember?”

“Probably because we are the only ones who knew about it.”

“Oh, that makes sense. So you— you met  him?”

“Yep. I met Shin. It’s crazy, right?”

Nani nods. “I met Saint.”

Sky tries not to roll his eyes. “Yeah.”

“What was he like?”

“You know Shin. Just like that. What was Thamnithit like?” He hopes his voice isn’t coming out as strained as it feels in his throat. 

Nani shrugs. “You know Saint. Just like that.”

“Was he nice to you? Did you meet Ken and the others?”

“Saint was nice to Nani. Nani met Chingching and Shin’s mother. No Ken. There’s a new gang leader.” Shin mentioned. “I met them once but they were very scary. Saint fought all of them.”

“Did he look like me? Just like me? No changes?”

Nani shakes his head. “Just like you.”

“Weren’t you weirded out?”

“Were you weirded out by Shin?”

“No, he was just you but with a different personality.”

“It was like that with Saint too. He was like you but with some rough edges.” Sky doesn’t like how he talks about Saint. “He made my food and worked double shifts to buy me a my melody doll.”

“He seems like a nice person.”

“He’s just like you.”

He’s nothing like that man. “Thanks.” There's a moment where they both say nothing. Nani plays with the edge of the sandwich wrapper and Sky simply does what he does, stare at him. “You know,” here comes the difficult part. “Saint and Shin were together.”

“Yes.”

Sky pauses for him to say more but he doesn’t. “Uhm so, Shin came here and— I know it’s none of your business. If you think about it, you’re two different people.” He stretches out the collar of his shirt, suddenly too warm. Meanwhile, Nani simply blinks, patiently waiting for him to finish. “Shin and I…some things happened—,” He chances a glance at Nani’s straight face. “—between us. We uh, we got together for a while. I mean, we uhm slept—,”

“I know what that means. I’m not a child.”

“O-okay. I just wanted you to know.”

“I slept with Saint too.” He says it like he’s announcing the weather. 

Sky knew this. He guessed from the moment he saw the hickey on Nani’s neck but he hoped he was wrong. He’s not the jealous type but—fuck it, he is the jealous type. But wouldn’t it be silly to express jealousy over someone who has never been his? It’s not like Nani cheated. They are just co-workers. Friends. The fact that he’s in love with Nani does not matter because he never told Nani how he felt. Maybe if he did, his insides wouldn’t feel as though they were on fire.

Shin was right, he is a coward. Because even now, he cannot tell Nani that he’s upset. He manages a smile. “Saint seems like a cool guy, right?” What the fuck is he saying? Saint is not a cool guy. That man has about 2000 baht to his name and follows Shin around like a lost puppy. This opinion does not come from a place of hate. It’s just the truth.

Nani shrugs again. He doesn’t answer. He has not answered any of Sky’s questions. He just shrugs or repeats his questions back to him. Sky has to remember to be calm. He’s Sky Wongravee, cool guy, mostly nonchalant. He has to keep it together. Despite the self pep talk, he feels his lips pursing and his brow rising to his forehead. He does not like this.

“So Saint, huh?” He has to stop. “Was it because you were lonely or did you like him?”

“Did you like Shin?”

“Nani, can you answer my question first?”

Nani sighs and nods. “Nani liked him. Saint was nice and— Nani was lonely too. He was familiar.” Sky wants to ask him in what way but Nani speaks over him. “Did you like Shin?”

He loved Shin but not in the way he loves Nani. Loving Shin just opened him up to new ways in which he could love Nani. More honestly, openly, without guilt. “Yes, I loved him.”

A beat. Then, “Okay.” The quiet room is disturbed by the sound of a crumpling sandwich wrapper in Nani’s hands. He rises and walks the short distance to his kitchen. Like a magnet to iron, Sky follows him and witnesses the BURNT wrapper get tossed into the trash. He moves to the sink. Holds his hands under the running faucet. Wipes them with a napkin. He looks up and catches Sky’s eyes. He stares for a while then shakes his head, moving back towards the living room. “Saint loves Shin too.”

“I know. Shin was crazy about Saint. Even in the series.”

“Nani liked the sandwich.”

That’s an abrupt change in topic. Sky frowns. “What?” 

Nani stops walking. Sky barely catches himself from bumping into him. He turns around, lips held in a straight line and long lashes fluttering. “Thanks for the sandwich. Nani liked it. You have to go now.”

“What?”

“Nani is exhausted.” He looks quite drained all of a sudden. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow, Khun Sky.”

There are too many walls between them now. Walls that Sky can’t scale. To get to Nani, Nani has to open the gates and invite him in. He hopes it’s soon because he doesn’t know how long he can hold back from driving an excavator through those walls.

Sky takes a step away from him. “Okay, I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

Nani starts to say something again but he stops and bites his lower lip. Sky brags about knowing Nani but there are so many things he doesn’t understand. He leaves Nani’s condo sadder than he came.

Back in his car, he curses the universe once more and hurls a longer one at Saint Thamnithit.