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Chapter Text

POW!! 

Dick carefully touches his cheek from where Jason punched him. It hurt like hell. But he deserves it. He knows he does. Who the actual fuck pretends to be dead just for a mission? Oh, that's right Batman. Fucking asshole. 

Almost everyone is looking at Dick like he's some sort of monster, even Damian. While Bruce just looks at Dick with this blank stare. The fuck does this asshole think he is? He's the one who forced Dick into this mission in the first place. So he should be sorry. But he obviously isn't. 

Selina and Alfred looked at Dick with pity. It's nice to see that at least some people care. Well, they knew that he was alive this whole time but they didn't really have the power to stop Batman from forcing Dick into the life of Agent 47. 

He remembers seeing Alfred holding a shaking Selina who was in tears watching Dick leave the manor on his way to absolute hell. 

Yes, Spyral was hell. He could go on and on about all the shitty things that happened there but the worst part is that it reminded him of Slade. It felt almost identical to his 'apprentice arc' when he was with the titans. He was so happy that the hallucinations got better over the years but Spyral had to fuck it all up. Everywhere he goes, he sees his face. He hears his whispers and feels his touches all over again. Not only Slade came to mind but Catalina, Mirage, His parents, young Jason, Batman/Bruce, and probably more but those are the ones he sees and feels the most. 

Dick was still standing outside on the highest porch step in the front entrance of the manor with crimson liquid filling in his mouth from the punch that Jason just had to do. 

The blood was starting to get uncomfortable so he spat onto the grass beside the wooden stairs. He wiped his mouth horizontally with his seriously fucked up jacket, it literally looks like he just came back from the pits of hell, which is pretty ironic considering the circumstances. 

"Okay" Dick replied to the punch with a nod paired with a gloomy small smile. 

He avoided eye contact as he walked back down the porch to his motorcycle. Well it's not really his as he kinda stole it but they don't gotta know all that. Hey! money wasn't a priority at Spyral so how else would he get around in dire situations? 

Huh, he didn't hear the door close. Which is strange considering how much they obviously didn't want to see him. He really tried not to look back because he wants to respect their wishes.

He put his left leg over the motorcycle and placed the helmet he stole (which unfortunately has a broken glass shield) on. But you shouldn't expect some fancy motorcycle helmet in the middle of nowhere. So he made do. Clear tape! Which he kinda stole too.... But that's not the point! 

Shit, he just realized he literally has nowhere else to go. His apartment in Blud was destroyed into smithereens. Maybe go to a friend's house? No, they probably wont let him in from his 'betrayal'. Fucking hell. Safe-houses are also out of the equation as he doesn't want to risk running into any one he knows. He doesn't have to energy to argue with people. 

He took off his helmet and hooked it onto the handles, placing his palms against his eyes so he can think properly from all these overwhelming emotions. Why can't he just be whelmed? 

Dammit, he also has no money either so motels and hotels are off the list as well. 

"Fuck" He mumbles to himself. 

"Master Richard" Dick looks back, "language please" Alfred teases with a comforting smile. 

"Oh, kitten" Selina runs up to him and gives him a tight but soft hug. "I've missed you so much" She kisses his temple and pulls away to look at him. Her emerald eyes are filled with tears.   

Dick connects eye contact with her with a small but honest smile, "I've missed you too" His vision started to blur with heavy breaths trying to take him over. He can't do this right now, he has to stay strong for them, they can't see him like this, weak and pathetic, so he forced them down before any could fall out. "Don't cry Mama Cat, it's okay" Damn, he sounds like a fucking hypocrite. 

She placed a hand on Dick's cheek with a wet chuckle. He leaned into the touch and closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again. The blurriness isn't there anymore. He must've sucked them all down while he- oh. Tears were spilling onto his cheeks. Oh no, some of his tears landed on Selina's hand. "Oh God, i'm so so sorry" He pulled away from her hand with widened eyes. Why did he even come back? he just keeps fucking things up. She's probably so angry right now. 

"You don't have to apologize, kitten. It's just little droplets and hey, knowing you, they're probably holy water" That made them both start to giggle. 

He wonders why she still likes him? He's such a fuck up. 

She wiped his tears off his cheeks with her long red nails and a kind soft smile. 

"I'm sure the rest of the family disagrees" Dick let out a breathy sigh. 

They are totally validated to feel anger towards him. If they actually did know the full story, Dick doubts that they would even believe or care about it anyway. 

"Master Richard, ignore them. They might act cruel but they do love you and for what it's worth i'm very pleased to see you back, i've missed you so much" Alfred said with a closed smile. And tears? He doesn't think he's ever seen Alfred cry. Did he make him cry? 

Selina put her arm onto Dicks back so that she could comfort him by rubbing his back in tiny circles. He hasn't felt physical touch like this in such a long time to the point where he leaned into it. He's missed this. 

She then grabs him into a side hug holding her hand out towards Alfred to show him to join the hug. Dick was happy to see him run up to him and Selina in this one big group hug. "I've missed you both so much" Fuck, Dick starts to tremble from how hard he is trying to hold back his emotions. 

Still in a big group hug, Selina whispered, "It's okay, you can cry now" So he lets it out and the both of them squeezes him harder. 

They are in that position until Dick stops his crying, before Alfred says, "I think you should head inside, it's cold out" The three of them are now positioned in a wider circle but still holding each others backs as if they are trying to get players all pumped up in a basketball game. 

"They hate me" 

"We don't" Selina reassured with a comforting smile. 

"Come inside before you turn into a human ice cube, you hooligans" Alfred shakes his head sarcastically. This makes Dick and Selina let out a light chuckle which feels really good for some reason. 

"Alright lead the way" Dick held his hand out to Alfred and he grabs it back with a short comforting squeeze. 

Dick then holds out his other hand for her to hold as well. "Such a gentleman" Selina teased with a british accent.

"I do not sound like that!" Alfred pretended to be offended. 

"From what I just heard, I would beg to differ" Dick smirked playfully. 

Selina lets out a little laugh before Alfred says, "Oh just come on you silly boy" He nods over to the door. 

So, all three of them head up the stairs holding each other's hands. Which gives Dick the support he needed to open those doors and face the rest of his family again. 

They open the door to head inside to hear laughing and talking coming from the kitchen table. Dick freezes, "I don't want to ruin their moment" He whispers."They sound happy" He said with a gloomy but satisfied smile. He's glad they're happy even if it's without him. 

"You won't, you're going to go in your room and go to sleep. It seems like you need it after this long day, well few months, I gather" Alfred grins and it makes Dick and Selina roll their eyes. 

"Okay Alfie" Dick smiles at him. 

"Now excuse me as I tell them that you are in need for a place to stay and I want you to stay here and it's non negotiable" Alfred said with a serious tone. 

"Be careful, or this will be your future" Dick jokes pointing to the bruise on his cheek. Well, it was supposed to be a joke but Alfred and Selina just looked at him with pity written all over their faces. "Don't worry, i'm fine" Dick makes a 'Whatever' type of gesture with his hands, trying to play it off. 

"Well, do let me get you some ice for that wound of yours" Alfred spoke softly as he eyed Dicks injury. It's probably already swelling up and turning all sorts of colors. 

"Okay" Dick let out a closed smile. 

"Selina? Would you lead him to his room?"Alfred nodded his head towards the staircase showing them that they should go up while he grabs the supplies. 

"Of course, c'mon kitten" Selina smiled at him and put her hand on his shoulder and gave it a light comforting squeeze. Dick smiled back before following her upstairs to his room. 

__________________________________

On Alfred's way to grab the medical supplies for Dicks injury, he decides to pass through the dining room before doing so. He should probably tell them about Dick sleeping over. 

In the dining room, all of them were still laughing and talking until Alfred cleared his throat for their attention. 

"Okay, now that it seems I have gathered all of yours attention, I need to tell you all some news" Alfred clasped his gloved hands together and took a deep breath, getting ready for their bickering. 

All of them in fact, are just sitting there in their seats waiting with looks of interest. 

"Your brother, Dick. He is going through a tough time at the moment-" Alfred was soon cut off by a groan. 

"Well we don't give a fuck" Jason rolled his gleaming green eyes and looked down to pick at his food. 

"Now, what have I told you about cussing around here!" Alfred loudened his tone in frustration. 

Jason, stilling looking down at his plate let out a harsh scoff, "Sorry, last I checked you're just a butler not our father" He looked up at him with glowing green eyes. 

"Jason!" Bruce banged his hand at the table. 

"What? just speaking the facts" 

"As am I, for as I was going to say is that Dick is staying here whether you like it or not" Alfred growled. 

The whole family froze. 

Jason eyes got brighter as well as greener. 

Alfred is used to his outbursts so it doesn't really bother him that much anymore. 

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! NO WAY IS THAT HAPPENING!" Jason stood up and picked up his plate and threw it straight towards Alfred. Good thing he isn't just a normal butler or this would've been a total mess. He caught the plate as it flew straight at him without a flinch in sight. 

"Good gracious! You almost broke the china, Master Jason!" Alfred said in an over exaggerated tone cause he knows it'll get on Jason's nerves. Yes, it's childish but still it's deserving. 

"OH FUCK YOU!" Jason was just about to throw another plate towards him but was stopped by Bruce's hand on his shoulder. 

"Stop it" Bruce said coldly clenching his teeth in anger. "Alfred, I think it's time we talk in my office" he deadpanned.  

"Of course, Master Bruce" Alfred nodded his head and followed him to his study. 

Alfred took a seat on the opposite direction of Bruce's desk chair. Once both of them were in a sitting position, Bruce made a loud sigh before saying, "I don't think it's a wise idea for Dick to stay here since all he's going to do is cause havoc and disruption." 

"Well, I do understand as to what you are saying Master. You probably think that he's going to cause havoc and disruption from being angry at you but I assure you, he will not. He's a very sweet child, so he will definitely forgive you like he always does" Alfred isn't quite sure what Bruce did to him in the cave before he for Spyral. 

(FLASHBACK)  

He heard an aggressive tone in Bruce's voice and loud crashing noises coming from the cave. Why doesn't he hear Dick? Isn't he supposed to be down there? Those questions in his brain made him shiver. He's not sure why though. 

He really wanted to check on them but every entrance into the Bat cave was locked. But he tried and tried to go through secret passage ways through the manor but of course they were locked. 

After he realized that there was absolutely no way to get in the Bat cave, he called Selina for assistance. Yes, it's his job to provide the assistance but this is an emergency. 

"Alfred?" She questioned through the phones speakers.  

"Selina you need to come to the manor right now, it's an emergency" Alfred said quickly not wanting to waste any time. 

"A-Alright, I-i'm on my way" She sounded very shaken over the phone. 

He heard the beep of the call ending and put his cellphone down on the granite counter. There is lots of ways to sneak into the Bat cave, the last entrance he checked was in the kitchen so he thought that he might as well stay there. 

After about five minutes since he called Selina, he heard a frantic knock on the front door. So he speed walked to the door and opened it. 

"W-What's going on?" She gasped for air as it seemed to be she had been running. 

"I'll tell you inside" He moved out of the way for her to come in and the shut the door afterwards.  

He walked over to the living room that has the clock in it and sat on the couch, he patted the couch for her to sit next to him. Which she did but only for a second before there was a loud crash of what sounded like glass coming from the clock. 

Selina's eyes widened with worry, "Is this what you wanted to talk about?" She pointed to the clock. 

"Yes" 

"What the hell is going on down there, we need to get inside" Selina said with a determined tone but when she tried to open the clock, it wouldn't open so she tried to open it frantically. 

"I've already tried all the entrances but none  would budge" Alfred with an apologetic look. 

"Do you know who's down there?" Selina said frantically. 

"From what I know it's only Bruce and Dick but I think there might be an opponent of theirs that found a way in but I really don't understand how they managed to lock every single one of the secret passage ways that this family only knows about" 

There was a click of a lock and they saw the door of the clock open. It was Bruce. He shut it back and walked away. So it was Bruce who locked the doors. But why? 

After Bruce was out of sight they looked at each other and opened the clock door and ran down the stairs. They heard groans and quiet sniffles. 

It was Dick. He wasn't wearing a shirt just pants while lying on his side in the middle of the Bat caves floor with glass shattered and blood spread out all around him. His back had this huge glass piece stuck in it. 

They could hear his hitched breaths and quiet murmurs. 

They heard him wetly whisper, "I can't do this anymore" which made them run straight towards him. They could see him flinch, hard, tensing up then just relaxed? 

Both of them got to where he was lying down.  

Selina squat down infront of him and started to rub her long purple nails into his hair, "Kitten, are you alright?" Alfred could see the tears starting to prickle in her eyes. "Please talk to me" 

Alfred was treating Dicks back injuries so he couldn't really get a good look at his face. But he was breathing well so maybe he passed out? 

"Did he pass out?" Alfred whispered. 

"I don't think so, I think he might be having a dissociative episode" Selina looked up with red rimmed, tearful eyes and her eyebrows knitted in worry. "I've only ever heard about dissociation because Harley was telling me about it since Ivy has them" 

"Could you call Harley and ask her how to help him?" Alfred asked while injecting pain medicine into his body because he needs to get this wound stitched up fast so that he doesn't bleed out. 

"I-I could try.." She picked her phone out of her back jean pocket and scrolled through her phone to call her number. Which didn't take that long as her number is second to the top on her list. She places the phone down once it starts to ring and put it on speaker. 

"What's up kitkat?" Harley giggled. Selina rolls her eyes. 

Selina took a deep breath, "Uh, you remember telling me about that dissociation thing that Ivy has?" She questioned with her eyes squeezed shut. It doesn't seem like she likes to ask for help. 

"Yeah....Why do ya ask?" 

"Um" Selina cleared her throat, "Dick is kind of having that right now and I don't know what to do" 

"Poor thang, I hate when our little birdie is sad" She said with a crack in her voice. "Is he able to talk?" She spoke in a serious tone. 

"I've tried but I can't get him to talk" Selina said and started wiping tears falling down her cheeks. 

"Okay..could ya grab an object?" 

Selina was definitely confused to hear this but she held out her hand for Alfred to give her a thermometer. 

"It probably sounds weird but if you put the object in their hand, it helps ground them and get back to reality" 

"Okay, cause I was so confused" She huffed out a small laugh.

Harley gave her a little chuckle as well, "Yeah, hope ya didn't pick up a sex toy or somethin" Harley chuckled but louder this time. 

"Lord have mercy" Alfred said. 

"OMG IS THAT ALFRED? TELL HIM I SAY HELLO!" She excitedly said. 

"Hello" Alfred replied. 

"EEEEE HEY IVY! ALFRED JUST SAID HELLO TO ME!" She screamed with excitement. 

"He literally said that to you like two days ago" Selina said while opening Dicks hand and placing the thermometer in it. 

"It felt so long" Harley said dramatically. 

Dick started to blink and he looked up to Selina to see her smiling, "What happened" He croaked out. 

"EEEEE, IVY! MY FAVORITE BIRDIE IS BACK TO REALITY" Harley yelled over her shoulder. 

"What the fuck?" They heard a muffled Ivy and it literally made everyone laugh. 

"ANYWAYS, I LOVE YA BIRDIE, I HOPE YA FEEL BETTER!! I LITERALLY CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!" She exclaimed with a little squeak. 

Dick giggled "You and me both" 

"YIPPIE!! PIECE OUT GIRL SCOUTS" The last part she said in an impression of a man voice. 

They heard a little click and Selina's phone turned off. 

"She's crazy" Selina said, giggling with Alfred and Dick. 

Once they stopped giggling, Selina said in a serious tone,"Anyways, what the hell happened Dick?" 

"Me and Bruce were sparring but I was weak and messy" They both knew something was up from the use of the name 'Bruce' instead of 'B'.  

"You just came out of a coma, that would be expected" Alfred said. 

"Well, um, Is Jason's robin suit okay? I kinda fell on it and the case broke" Dick looked at the ground in shame. "I'm so sorry" His voice cracked sounding like he was trying not to cry. 

"Oh, kitten don't apologize, it's okay" Dick looked up to her face with tears stinging in his eyes. 

Whenever Selina sees her kitten cry, it makes her heart drop. She's actually only seen him cry once before him doing it now. That time when she saw him cry for the first time, it was over a break up with Starfire. Selina is not really sure what happened for them to break up so randomly, the both of them were basically attached at the hip. 

Tears started falling from his eyes and she felt like a brick was sitting atop of her chest. It hurts to see him so upset. 

"Dick, get up" Bruce came down the stairs walking towards them in his Batman suit. Both Selina and Alfred noticed how tense Dick got. 

"Master Bruce, I don't think that's a good idea, I have only finished stitching his back but there are more cuts on him that I may need to stit-" 

"He's fine" Bruce cut him off. "He needs to go on a mission" He pulls on his cowl. 

"I do not recall him having any mission" Alfred said looking confused. 

"Plans have changed" Bruce grunted. 

"It's okay guys, I can stitch myself up on the way there" He sat up carefully giving them a sad smile. Tears were still falling from his eyes but he swiped them away before Bruce could see them. 

Dick slowly pulled himself up with Alfred and Selinas help of course, so that he would be standing, but once he stood up they noticed how shaky his legs were. He was in no shape for this mission. 

"You broke our promise, didn't you?" Bruce said glaring at Dick through the cowl. 

Dick froze looking terrified, "Bruce, I swear I didn't say anything, I promise" that made Bruce nod with a grunt. 

"There's a car out front with everything you need for this job. You should get going before your sibling come home" Bruce walked over to the batcomputer but stood next to the chair and saw Dick look back at Alfred and Selina, "I'll tell them, just hurry up" 

Dick looked over to Bruce, "Sorry, Sir" he said before walking up the stairs. Alfred and Selina followed him up the stairs quickly. 

Once the clock shut behind them, Dick whispered, "Can we talk outside?" the two of them nod and they all head outside to the porch. 

Once they got to the porch, Dick started talking, "I'm really sorry you guys had to see that, but just know it's no big deal, i've never been his son" 

"Wait, what do you mean" Selina said with her eyebrows stitched together in confusion. 

"I'm his soldier, but I want you guys to know that you are still my family no matter what and if I don't make it-" Alfred cut Dick off. 

"Don't say that, you will survive, you hear me?" 

"Okay Alfie" Dick gave him nod with an earnest closed smile but tears started to well up in Dicks eyes. "I'm gonna miss you both so much" He started shaking, holding his emotions in. 

"I'm gonna miss you so much too" Selina gasped for air as she started crying. 

"I as well" Alfred gave him a kind grin. 

They both of them go over to him to give him a sweet hug. 

Dick pulled away and wiped his eyes, "I love you guys" he gave them both a close smile. 

"I love you too, kitten, please be safe and eat properly and-" she cut herself off for her to gasp for air. "God, I really don't want you to go" She held his hand and gave him a comforting squeeze. 

"I really don't wanna go either" Dick shook his head with more tears falling down.

A buzz was coming from the phone in the jacket he took from the hanger before going out on the porch. He pulled it out and the message read....

Bruce

I can see you from the cameras, stop crying and suck it up 

Dicks breath hitched as he put his phone in his pocket, "Sorry, that was Bruce. He's saying that I need go now" He wiped his eyes with both of his hands. "Goodbye" He slipped his hand from Selina's light grip and gave the both of them a sad smile before walking over to the car and getting in. 

"No, no he can't leave yet, he can't leave" Alfred held Selina back from running after the car. She kept screaming protests but she just ended up sobbing in Alfreds arms.  

(BACK TO THE PRESENT DAY) 

Alfred rubbed the bridge of his nose as he was lost in thought "Is it money he wants?" Bruce asks, completely ignoring everything Alfred said. 

"He wants his family" Alfred answered as he got up and walked out but before he opened the door he said, "Good Night, Master Bruce" 

"Good Night, Alfred" 

__________________________________

"You know, I've always loved your room" Selina says while fondly touching his blue flowered painted wall with her long red nails. "You painted these flowers yourself right?" 

"Yeah, when I was still Robin, I got bored when I was stuck on house arrest for breaking my foot so I just started painting and couldn't stop. Alfred got so mad" He softly laughed reminiscing over the days where he didn't have so many responsibilities. 

Selina huffed out a small chuckle, "You always were too hyper to stay still" She walks over to where he is sitting on his bed and sits right next to him. "Exhibit A" She gestures a hand over to where Dick is fidgeting with his hands. 

"Hey! I can sit still, I just haven't been able to take my meds" He says defensively holding a laugh back. 

"Stop holding in your laugh, you gonna shit yourself" She giggles and he lets the laugh out. 

"Fuck, it's like whenever I look at you in serious situations, I just start laughing" He wipes a hand over his face, and glances at her with a soft smile. 

"You remember when we were at Bruce's gala that one time and when he was talking about the mayors death and Bruce started chocking on his water mid-speech and we just started balling laughing" Selina laughed so hard she held onto her stomach. 

"Oh my god, yes, felt bad for the mayor but Bruce sounded like a fish outta water, I really was trying to keep it in but I made the mistake by looking at you and couldn't hold it anymore" He shook his head with laughter. "God, there's something seriously wrong with us" 

"You're right, there is something wrong with the two of you" Dick flinched hard at Alfred's unexpected entrance but thankfully they didn't say anything about it. Alfred walked over to them both with an ice pack in his hand, "Put this on that bruise of yours or your going to end up looking like stuffed chipmunk" He says as he hands the ice pack over to Dick. 

Dick looked down at the ice package that is now in his hands,"Thanks" He looked up to see Alfred's famous kind smile. 

"Of course, Master Richard" Alfred lays a comforting hand on Dicks shoulder and looks over to Selina, "I think it's time we retire, he needs rest" 

"Right" Selina got up with a soft groan, "Man, I feel like I should be in a nursing home" 

"Get one look at me and you'll rethink that statement" Alfred huffed out a laugh. 

"Don't bring yourselves down, I think you both look beautiful" Dick smiled. 

"Oh, my precious kitten" Selina lays a hand on Dicks unharmed cheek. "Well" She sighs as she pulls her hand away. "It's time for you to get to bed" She smiles. "Goodnight, my kitten" She blew a kiss before leaving. 

"Goodnight, Master Richard. Get a good nights sleep, you deserve it" Alfred smiles and tried to leave until Dick stopped him by grabbing a wrist. 

He pulled his hand away when Alfred turned around and met his blue eyes "Goodnight, Alfie. Oh, and tell mama cat that I said goodnight to her too, she just left too quickly before I could tell her" Dick rubbed his navel with a sheepish look. 

"I shall" Alfred said with a grin before leaving. 

After they left, Dick went into the bathroom attached to his room to get ready for bed trying not to look at himself in the mirror, he isn't ready for that just yet. 

When he finished his routine, he opened the shower curtain but stopped when he realized that he will have to look at his scarred body. He doesn't think he can take that. No, he has to shower. He just needs to suck it the fuck up. 

So, he took a deep breath before removing his long sleeved black shirt. His breath hitched at the sight. Scars were literally littered all over his body. Some scars have been there before having to go into Spyral but he can't help but notice the amount of fresh scars, all over his wrists and chest. 

The scars on his wrists are more close to each other but the scars on his chest are more spread out and longer. He knows where every scar came from but he doesn't like thinking about it. It makes him feel weak and stupid.  

He just needs to get this shower over with. 

So, he takes off the rest of his clothing and tries not to look at the scars on his legs either. 

Now that he thinks about it, he deserves these scars. 

He's done some pretty shitty and unforgivable things in the past but the things he did at Spyral makes him feel way more disgusting and number than he already feels. It's like this weight is against his chest, compressing down slowly until he finally pops. He knows that he will pop. 

He always does. 

Damn, he's pruning like crazy. His finger tips are looking like brown raisins. He should probably take a step out and put on his pajamas. At Spyral pajamas weren't really a thing. Men would just sleep in their underwear. It felt weird at first but he'd rather wear just underwear than his blood soaked outfit. He's done wonders how it's gonna feel to have actual pajamas for a change. 

He turned off the shower and grabbed a towel to wipe himself down and tie around his waist. His dumbass self forgot to grab pajamas to lay out beside the shower so he's gotta go in his closet for some. He really doesn't want to get the wood floor all wet though. Well, he's got a towel so he can just wipe the floors once he's finished. 

He walked out of the bathroom and headed towards the closet. It looked the exact same from when he left. Clothes are piled into bins and broken hangers holding onto his clothes for dear life. It makes him feel comfortable to know that not everything has changed. 

His bedroom didn't really change either but there are a few things missing. It's not important stuff though so he just shrugged it off. 

It took him awhile to go through the piled clothes to find his pajamas but he finally found them after searching for about five minutes. The pants are pink and fuzzy and the shirt is short sleeved with a hello kitty branding on it. He carefully put them on, trying to avoid looking at his scars. 

Shit, short sleeved. 

Hows he gonna hide his wrists? 

Oh, thank God, he remembered that he's got some long black fingerless gloves hidden somewhere in his closet. 

Actually, he doesn't think they're in his closet. He thinks he probably put them in his nightstand drawer after hanging out at the club with a few friends before you know..... 

Yep, he was right. He found them. 

He fumbled them on, he's not really sure why he's hurriedly putting  them on, but he suspects it's probably because he just can't stand to look at the scars any longer. 

He started to walk over to the closet to shut it but felt water on the ground and cursed. The towel was left behind in the closet so he went inside to pick it up and got to work. Good thing he didn't make that much of a mess. The water droplets that fell on the ground are not as much as he thought they would be.

It was relatively easy to clean it up. So, he was able to get into his bed earlier than he expected. He would be lying if he said that he hadn't missed the feel of this soft blue blanket and bouncy mattress. He can finally get good sleep now after months of sleepless nights. It feels so good he wants to cry. Unsurprisingly, he fell asleep almost immediately after lying down. 

__________________________________

Everyone was staying at the manor because it's the beginning of Christmas break and they have this annual thing where they all stay at the manor for the whole month of December for Christmas. 

So, everyone was sitting in the dining room awaiting their breakfast. Bruce was sitting at the end of the table with Selina on his right while the rest of the children sat in the middle. Well, not all the children. There was one seat empty at the end of the middle seated line up but they are all used to seeing that chair empty so nobody really payed attention to it. The only people to notice were Alfred and Selina. 

Selina just kept looking at the stairs, waiting for Dick to come down. He's not one to be scared of confrontation or embarrassment. So, it was definitely weird for him to hide away in his room. It's not like him. 

Alfred entered the dining room through the kitchen door, and placed their plates in front of them with smiles. But he stopped when he noticed that Dick hasn't come down, "Has anyone seen Master Richard?" He placed Dicks plate in its place even though he's not there. 

"He's probably hiding away in his room like a coward" Jason scoffed. 

Selina completely ignores Jason's comment and replies to Alfred, "This is not like him" She had this wide eyed worried expression. 

"That's exactly what we said when we realized he actually lied about being dead. Looks like we all don't know him as well as we think" Tim commented rolling his eyes. 

Still, completely ignoring any comments from these kids, Selina started to look down in thought, "You think it's because of you know.." Selina looked up to him with her mouth formed in a straight line. Alfred knew exactly what she was talking about, Spyral. 

"Most likely" Alfred sighed. 

"What are you guys even talking about?" Steph questioned with a quirk in her eyebrow. 

Bruce cleared his throat, "None of your concern, now finish your plate" He gestured to her half eaten pancake. She rolled her eyes and took a sarcastically deep bite out of her pancake. 

This made all the kids laugh and start to talk about things with each other. The room felt very lively but it didn't feel right without Dick. 

She overheard them talking about their week like any other normal day but this wasn't any normal day, Dick was home. What the fuck is wrong with these kids? She stood up from her seat abruptly and told Alfred how thankful she was for the breakfast, "I'm gonna go and check on Dick" She said to Bruce laying a hand on his shoulder. 

"Selina, he's fine, just be with the family" Bruce put his hand on top of hers but she pulled away. 

"He is my family"

She walked away to the stairs before Bruce could get another word in. Once she got to the upstairs area, she walked down the hallway heading straight towards Dicks room. She softly knocked on his door, "Is everything alright, kitten?" 

He didn't respond which worried her more so she opened the door to find him sitting against the headboard of his bed, looking into the nothingness that is his shut bathroom door. He looked completely out of it. She walked cautiously over to where he was sitting. 

"Kitten?" She questioned as she sat on the bed in front of him. 

He didn't respond just kept looking at the bathroom door.

Chapter Text

Selina ran downstairs to get Alfred to help. She would have to pass through the dining room to get to the kitchen.

She opened the door to the dining room forcefully, everyone was looking at her but she didn't have time for all that right now. She ran past them and opened the door to the kitchen.

Surely enough, Alfred was there cleaning up the ingredients he used for their pancakes.

"ALFRED!" Selina yelled out with her chest going up and down with her adrenaline pumping through her lungs.

"Mistress Selina, are you quite alright?" Alfred usually tried to stay calm in crazy situations so that the other person would calm down with him but she could see how his eyes slightly widened with worry.

"I-It's Dick" She said breathlessly.

Alfred quickly dropped all his materials and began to follow a shaken Selina through the dining room with a fast pace. The family were still there, looking at them in confusion but once they heard Dicks name come out of her mouth, they just blew it off and went back to talking with each other. Selina was incredibly disappointed at these kids for being so disrespectful. She was seriously fighting the urge to snap at them but she had more important things to do.

The both of them ran upstairs straight into Dicks room. Alfred gasped at the sight, "Oh dear, is this what I think it is?"

"I'm pretty sure, but I don't know what could've happened to make him dissociate again" Selina said looking at Alfred with worry.

"Do you know about Zitka?" Alfred questioned randomly.

Selina just looked at Alfred with confusion. Where the fuck did that come from? But she shook her head and said, "Who is Zitka?"

Alfred ruffled the sheets to find a stuffed animal, "Ah, here she is!" He held the elephant up to his face and nodded.

"That's Zitka?" Selina raised a brow.

"Yes, she's his favorite stuffed animal. She used to help him deal with his nightmares as a child better" Alfred smiled fondly.

Alfred walked over to where Dick was sitting and put the elephant in his hands, "This should help"
He gave Dick a squeeze on the shoulder and sat next to Selina on the bed, facing Dick.

Selina and Alfred wait nervously but it only takes a few minutes before he starts showing signs of acknowledgement. His eyes started to flutter and he looked down to smile at Zitka.

He looked up and tilted his head, "What's going on?" His voice sounded raspy as he spoke. Probably because of his lack of speech.

"You had an episode again" Selina said empathetically.

Dicks eyebrows knitted as if he was try to focus on the what hell is going on. But then those eyebrows went up with a hint of realization of sorts. This made Selina think that a lightbulb would pop right out of his head, "Oh, are you talking about the zoning out thingy?" Both Selina and Alfred nodded, "How long was I out?"

"About fifteen minutes" Alfred said while looking at his watch.

Dicks face went red and he covered his face in embarrassment, "God, why do these keep happening?" He mumbled to himself but both of them heard it loud and clear.

Selina pulled his hands of his face and held both of them in her own,"How long has these been happening" She said softly.

His eyes widened, "Didn't mean to say that out loud" He laughed humorlessly and dropped his head down to his chest in shame.

Selina kept one of her hands held tight to his own and used the other one to pull his face up so that he could look at her.

Once his eye contact finally caught hers she spoke, "How long has this been happening" She repeated and lifted her hand from his chin and put it right back on his unoccupied hand so that she could be holding both at the same time. She is hoping that this gesture will add some sort of comfort.

He took a deep breath and talked quietly, "It has been happening ever since that day in the cave with you both. But every since then, I have realized that they seem to only happen in certain situations, so I don't have them all the time" He said pulling the 'all' to brush it off like these things are no big deal.

"Excuse me for asking, but what do you mean by certain situations?" Alfred asked obviously concerned.

Selina pushed his hair behind his ear—which was getting super fucking long like down to his shoulders long, holy shit—and rubbed circles around the back of his hands as she held them to give him courage.

"Before I tell you, you both have to promise me that you won't tell anyone about this stuff"

"Cross my heart" She made a cross with her hands right in front of her chest.

"I shall never speak of this" Alfred said seriously.

Dick huffed a small laugh, he couldn't help it, he literally can't do anything serious when they're around.

The both of them smile at his laughter, they already heard it yesterday but still, both of them haven't seen him for a year. So any laugh they can get from him just warms their hearts.

Selina nods her head for him to continue.

Dick sighed, "Well it happens it situations like whenever-" He took a deep breath,"Whenever, someone yells at me it reminds of stuff I really don't want to think about"

"Did someone yell at you this morning?" Alfred asked softly but there was this anger hidden behind those words.

"....Yes" He said hesitantly.

Selina's right eye twitched like she was trying to keep it together while Alfred's face went cold.

"Who was it?" Selina questioned not even trying to hide how pissed she is. She's the kind of woman who doesn't hold back on anything she says or does. She says what she thinks. People have told her that she was a bitch for it but she really doesn't give a fuck. She has no filter because it has protected her as a child and now she has Dick to protect.

Dick is the complete opposite, he hides his reactions to things that hurt him, but at this moment, he is too tired to lie,"Well...."

(FLASHBACK)

Dick snapped up from a nightmare about evil unicorns. It sounds stupid as fuck but it scared the shit out of him. His nightmares are so weird, like some nights he sees stupid fears but other nights he sees things that makes him want to kill himself.

He sometimes considers the option of just being free and seeing his family and friends once again but it's hard to do that when he's got people he loves on Earth as well. He can't leave them all. Not until he knows that they will be okay without him. Which his family seems to be okay without him but there is Selina, Alfred and Wally.....

WALLY!!!!

He hasn't even told Wally that he's alive yet. Should he though? What if Dick sees him with another guy? Or Wally tells him to scram? Or says that he hates him? He doesn't think he can face Wally just yet, not after all the reactions he got from his siblings and Batman.

He loves Wally, so he knows that this is actually for the best. Wally doesn't need another burden in his life. He needs to be happy no matter what and if that means him being happier with someone else?, so be it. Fuck. He is so sorry that it hurts. But he won't say anything about him being alive because he's probably be glad to get this annoying circus freak, charity case away from him. It would actually be better for everyone.

The door opened aggressively and Dick saw a shadow of an angry Jason coming in.

Oh, you have got to be kidding.

Dick sat up straighter against the headboard as he watch Jason get closer and closer. He walked up to Dicks bed with a gun in his hands. Damn, they finally realized that they should get rid of him for good. He thought they would realize earlier but this'll have to do.

Jason pointed the gun to Dick with his narrowed glowing green eyes staring straight at him. Dick just looked him back straight in the eyes without a flinch or anything.

He lowered the gun and put it in his holster. His eyes were still bright green but they dimmed a little bit. "You know Dick, I actually really looked up to you as a kid. You were my idol. But now-"Jason paused to let out a dark chuckle, "You are a lying sack of shit. It was such a Bruce thing to do. Did he give you a gold star?" Jason taunted. Dick just looked at him with wide eyes after hearing him compare him to Bruce.

Oh, God he's become his worst nightmare. He can't, he won't be like him at least that's what he promised himself when he was a ten year old. He didn't, doesn't want to be an abusive asshole.

Dick has been told that he has major anger issues when he was a kid so he had plenty of time to control his rage but at this moment, he can feel the anger festering in his stomach. He can't let it out. He has to control it.

So he took a deep breath before saying, "I'm nothing like Bruce" He said coldly as he narrowed his eyes.

"Don't make me laugh" Jason shook his head downwards with closed off giggles, and then looked back at him with his face twisted, "Your everything bad about him. I would say it's genetic but you know, so I guess your actual parents are the ones to blame. Doesn't surprise me cause why the fuck did they not have safety nets? You definitely got their genes cause you are as much as a fucking moron as they were!" Jason hissed.

Dick felt his eyes prickle and his breath hitched from the mention of his parents. "Oh calm down you fucking crybaby. At least you actually had parents that loved you. You and Bruce are the most fortunate out of this entire family. You guys didn't have to live on the streets or experience bullying" All of Dicks sadness turned into pure fucking rage.

Dick lost it right when he said bullying. He had tried to forget about what happened to him when he was little but, of course it would just flop right back in his memory after so many fucking years of avoiding it.

Dick scoffed, "You don't have any idea of what happened to me as a kid do you?"

"Your parents fell off a fucking swing!"

"No there's WAY more to the story. God, you really don't know anything about me" Dick laughed humorlessly.

"I know that you're an a-" and that's when Dick zoned out or dissociated? Harley calls it that. He wishes could see her right now but all he could see was him.

(PRESENT DAY)

All Dick told Alfred and Selina was that Jason busted in with a gun and said that Bruce and him are much alike. The rest of the stuff he said would have Selina busting up in Jason's room and scratch the living shit outta him so he kept the rest of the details in the back of his mind. Jason said some pretty shitty stuff but he's still Dicks brother in the long run so he just needs to suck it the fuck up.

"Why is him comparing you to Bruce such a bad thing?" Selina asked with a tint of fear.

Dick shrugged.

"It's okay if you don't want to tell us yet, kitten" She said with her soft voice and tucked his hair behind his ear with a gentle smile.

"Thanks mama cat" He leaned into her touch and gave her a little smile in return as well.

Alfred cleared his throat for their attention, "Do you want to eat downstairs with the rest of the family or would you rather me bring it up?"

Dick looked down and burrowed his eyebrows in thought. It took about twenty seconds for him to look back up again with determination in his berry blue eyes, "I can take them, I got this"

She nods, "Alright but if stuff gets bad, me and Alfred are right there for you to go to, alright kitten?"

"Alright" He smiles.

The three of them got up to go downstairs, Dick and Selina were still in their PJ's but that's normal in this family, cause most just go straight on back to bed since their bats. Nocturnal little fuckers. Selina is not like that though. She usually just gets straight up and helps Alfred clean around the Manor. The only reason she's in her PJ's still is because why not? They're comfy. Her pajamas are actually very nice and cozy. She's the type of person that just wears fuzzy shorts and a bra (but of course she puts on a shirt when she heads downstairs for the day).

The shorts seem really stupid to wear in the winter but she just wants to show off her new tattoo. She has tattoos, pretty much everywhere (She thinks she might be addicted). They make her feel happy because she has something that she can look at and feel comfort to, as most represent crazy shit that she has survived or just really good memories.

Almost all of her tattoos represent something but she does have some that are just things that she likes. For example, her cat scratch tattoo on her shoulder. She just got that because of her love for cats. But she has some that represent the people in her life (she doesn't tell them that it's for them because she is definitely just picking her favorites).

The only annoying thing about tattoos is that she has to hide them at Galas but she literally has full on sleeves of tattoos on her arm so it takes a long while to get ready for a Gala but Dick would usually help out. He's REALLY good at doing makeup. She doesn't really know how, but she is thankful to the Gods.

This kid is seriously the strongest person that she has ever met. The shit he went through as a child was super fucked. Of course everyone knows about the Flying Graysons accident but she had no idea what went behind the scenes. It made her cry once she told him because he deserved and still deserves so much better.

Her new tattoo actually represents him (She already has tons that represents him already but he is her kid and she loves him so much). She got this tattoo literally the day before he got home (which is such a coincidence, the fuck) so the tattoo is still healing and has a bandage on it but the bandage is transparent so it helps her show it off. She was excited to show everyone her new tattoo this morning but now that Dick is here....

She is SUPER excited!! She wonders if he will know what it represents?

Anyways, her, Dick and Alfred are opening the door to the dining room. Everyone is still there, talking up a storm but they all shut up right when they lay their eyes on them. Shit.

Everyone is completely silent once Dick goes over to his seat. Some are looking at him with annoyance but most is anger. Fuck this, she gets a chair near Dick so that they could both sit together one seat away from the family.

Right when she walks over and sits right down next to Dick, she feels something shaking against her and realizes that it's Dicks hand. God, he looks so nervous. He also looks so....sad. So, she goes ahead and grabs his shaky hand under the table and rubs circles on the back of it. He then looks at her and gives her a closed sweet smile.

After he smiles at her, she thought he was fine and everything was going to be okay but one of the little fuckers had to say something.

"Why is he here still?" Tim's cruel voice comes out so abruptly that she flinches. But it's not as bad as Dicks reaction. Dicks eyes open wide and grabs for a gun in his holster but it was just fuzzy pants which seemed to get him back to reality.

What the actual fuck did that place do to her little kitten?

"Seems his dramatic ass self hasn't changed" Jason scoffed.

Dick was still looking at his fuzzy pants, and breathing carefully. He then stopped touching his fuzzy pants and looked up at the rest of the family, "I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else" He said absentmindedly. No emotion.

Who is this someone he is he talking about?

"I'm sorry" He repeated.

"Well, we don't forgive you" Tim said angrily.

"I know, I don't forgive myself either" Dick said the last part quieter.

"Oh boo fucking hoo, can you please for the love of God GET THE FUCK OUT!!"

"I wish I could, but as soon as I figure out something, I promise that you won't ever have to see me again"

Tim scoffed "We'll see you as Nightwing though so don't go around promising things that you can't do"

"You won't see me as Nightwing either" He said with a sad smile.

Jason rolled his eyes, "What the fuck are you going on about?"

"Dick, get in the cave, NOW!" Bruce yelled.

"Yes, sir" Dick said nonchalantly. He usually just calls him B so what's with this whole 'sir' thingy?, "Can I put this into the dishwasher first?" He held out his plate.

"Hurry up" Bruce said coldly.

The kids still sitting in their seats were smirking and snickering. These kids are pissing her the fuck off. But these are Dicks brothers so she just has to calm down.

Dick is done putting his plate in the dishwasher (which they have Alfred to do that, but he always insists on doing it, even before he became Robin) So, Bruce gives him this glare and she could see how Dick physically tensed. But he still followed behind him anyway. His arms were crossed while he was walking like he’s trying to protect himself? She gave Alfred a look of worry and he walked over to her.

Chapter Text

Selina is so worried for Dick. The fuck he means that he's not going to be seen as Nightwing OR Dick Grayson? She really hopes it's not what she thinks it is.

No, she can't think like that. He was probably talking about something else. It's all has to be a big misunderstanding on her part.

Dick can definitely put on a show, though. Smile for the camera type shit. He hides between two masks. One mask is for Nightwing of course, but the other, the other mask is him hiding all these secrets and emotions. Although, she's seen how he is behind the mask before, and it's just this sad, misunderstood little boy. Which is pretty understandable after all the shit this kid has gone through. But It's definitely rare (even for her and Alfred) to see this side of him.

If someone were to ask what is Dick like around others, anyone would answer with 'he's a 'ray of sunshine non stop, all the time.' Those people who answer to this question like that, don't know him at all. The only people who actually know him are, Her, Alfred, Bruce, Wally, and, well, she would say parents but he never really talks about the two of them so she really doesn't know if he ever projected this side of him to them. But he was just a kid then.

From what she knows about his life then, he was certainly happy. He would say that he never felt scared with them. He felt safe and loved, by not just his parents but the kind people from the circus.

She's always had be curious about the circus, but he would only teach her some of his acrobatics, show her some pictures of his parents which were so adorable that it hurt. But there is this one photo that he showed her that made her hold back tears.

It was a photo of him and his parents beside each other, in-front of the trailer. Both of his parents lied their hands on Dicks back.

His mom had a golden color skin color (which was literally shining like Edward from Twilight) She looked down at Dick with her long stunning, curly black hair which was tied with a scrunchie. She might be the most beautiful woman that Selina has ever seen. She was also very small but not too small, It was hard to tell. Her eyes were the exact color of blue like Dicks. Like, their eyes were completely identical.

His dad was the complete opposite, he had a lighter skin tone, with these green eyes, which were nothing like the features that Dick and his mom has. But he had the same kind of spark just like Dick. It was incredible that she could see that just by looking at a picture. Sometimes she wonders what his parent's personalities were like. His build was incredible.

But all in all, that wasn't what made her sad.

The way his mom and dad were both looking at him with such adoration, proud expressions. But they weren't just the only ones in the photo to make such expressions.

Oh God, Dick is looking up to his parents like they are the most important, affectionate, loving, honorable, caring people in all the multiverses.

But the worst part is that he was looking at them, knowing they will always care about and take care of him when he's sick, sad, scared, etc. But they're now dead and this photo was the last photo he had of his parents too. In just a few hours that kids life would change forever and he'll never feel like that ever again.

He would never actually feel safe ever again. Would never trust anyone ever again. She tries her hardest to make him feel safe and comfortable with her. Luckily her hardworking paid off.

Selina, Alfred and Wally are literally the only people he trusts, that will make him feel safe.

Another thing that makes her heart drop just by looking at this photo, he has carried all of his parents kind personalities and projected them onto others, because if he could never feel that way again, then he should atleast try to help others feel how he felt.

He told her A LOT about the photo but she's not complaining or anything, she's actually so happy that he was comfortable enough to share that information with her and pull off his second mask and show her, his true colors.

Yes, he still has genuine happiness, he's not sad all the time, but now she could see how sometimes he would get really upset and scared about messing up things like missions, relationships, friendships, family, and everyone else's happiness.

It is certainly a mind fuck to see him go from this happy go lucky kind of guy to this sad, tired little thing all of a sudden. His moods can be pretty erratic and unpredictable at times but that's just how he is, he's always been like that.

But she has never seen him so depressed to the point where she's scared for his life before. he's acting really weird. He NEVER shows this side of himself to anyone but her, Alfred, Bruce, Leslie, Dinah and Wally.

Shit, Wally.

Does he even know that Dick is alive? Fuck, Wally should've been the first person to know.

He is his boyfriend after all.

She hasn't seen Wally in a long time. Not since Dicks fake funeral thing. She felt so bad to see him like that. It took every fiber of her being not to just tell him.

She really wanted to tell people but everything just got super complicated.

She and Alfred were there for the bomb incident, where he was revived. He was later put in a coma, which the two of them knew about as well but the news was already talking about him being already dead and literally everyone found out.

She and Alfred thought that Bruce would tell everybody that he's alive and it was all just some crazy misunderstanding, but he later went up to the two of them saying to keep it a secret since he has a plan? The both of them trust Bruce so they just nodded their heads and didn't say anything.

It hurt to see everyone so sad but Bruce said that he had a plan so everyone would find out soon right?

It took two weeks before Dick woke up from his coma. The only way they found out about him being awake was the day that they found him in the cave beaten up to a bloody pulp.

Bruce told them that they both were injected with fear toxin so that was the reason that they beat the fuck out of each other.

After they watched Dick leave, there was a funeral not long after.

At this point, both her and Alfred didn't even know if Dick would even survive the mission so they didn't say anything because they were too scared to get their hopes up.

God, it was so fucked.

Bruce wouldn't even tell them if he was alive or not because he lost his fucking memory.

Even when he remembered everything—which was like a month before Dick came back—He still wouldn't say shit. Both her and Alfred were really persistent on getting answers out of him but he would just grunt and leave. Like what the fuck?

What the actual fuck did she get herself married into? Shes definitely not getting a divorce though because she wants to be at the manor with Alfred and Dick but she has considered it SO MANY times.

BANG!!

Oh shit.

Chapter Text

"Why is he here still?" Slades voice yells out so abruptly that Dick's eyes open wide in alert. He grabbed for his gun in his holster but it wasn't there.

Oh.

There is no belt carrying his guns, it's just his fuzzy pants.

That wasn't Slade who yelled, it was just Tim.

Or is it?

No, it's just Tim and his fuzzy pants.

He doesn't think he believes that though, he can't really trust himself anymore.

He looked down and started to play with his fuzzy pants to ground him from his head and bring him back to reality.

"Seems his dramatic ass self hasn't changed" Jason scoffed.

Dick was still looking at and messing with his fuzzy pants, but he stopped touching his pants and froze, trying to breathe carefully, trying not to let those words get to his head.

But like always, he failed.

His mind started to swarm with thoughts.

Thoughts like: 'I really am being dramatic. I know i'm a dramatic person sometimes but as a joke! but maybe it was always real. Maybe that was what I always was, dramatic. Maybe all this emptiness I feel is just me being dramatic. Maybe all of these hallucinations is just me being dramatic.'

'Everything's I do is starting to feel so dramatic.'

Fuck he needs to pull himself together and stop being so dramatic.

So, he stops touching his fuzzy pants and looks up at the rest of his family.

He needs to apologize about whatever the fuck that was, "I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else" It's so hard for him to try not to sound too nonchalant.

He's so stuck in his head.

Heh, just another example of him being dramatic.

He should apologize for being that too, a fucking drama queen.

"I'm sorry" He repeated.

Oh fuck, he's so stupid! They don't care about him or his actions and opinions. He doesn't matter anymore. All he does is just mess up peoples lives. If he had a list for every person he's fucked over, it'd be the longer than fucking Rapunzels hair. (Damn, he loves that movie).

Just like clockwork, Tim just has to open his mouth. He thinks he knows everything but he knows absolutely nothing. Just because he spied on us for like years—which was kind of creepy by the way—doesn't mean he knows anything. He doesn't know shit. Nobody does and most likely never will.

"Well, we don't forgive you" Tim said angrily.

Dick almost wants to laugh and say "No shit", but that'll just fuck this up even more.

So he's just gonna say something all sappy to get him the out of this shitty situation,"I know, I don't forgive myself either" Dick said the last part quieter just for that "dramatic" effect. They say he's dramatic, then he's gonna fucking act like it.

"Oh boo fucking hoo, can you please for the love of God GET THE FUCK OUT!!" Jason screams and he's turning red which almost makes Dick laugh but he knows better. Unlike these fuckers.

He still loves them of all course, but they can literally make him go insane with all their shit.

Before Spyral, they would just lay all their shit on him, expecting him to be always available. It was stressful for him to help them and balance work at the same time.

Oh, and they know that he feels bad about saying no so they take that into their own advantage.

Whenever he feels overwhelmed and vents, he's always told that he did this to himself by even trying to help those people in the first place. But they are the ones that ask, not him. They will blow up his phone and make him have a fucking panic attack.

He really is just their puppet, just like....

He doesn't need to think about that

He's just so tired.

He can't lash out at them so he's gonna try and say this kindly,"I wish I could, but as soon as I figure out something, I promise that you won't ever have to see me again"

Oh yeah, and he's planning on killing himself too because it will make them all happy by him leaving (for good) and all he wants is for his friends and family to be happy.

This isn't just about his family hating him, he's been planning on killing himself for years. He actually tried once, or twice, or more....But the first time he tried, it was right after his parents died. He was in his cell lying on the bottom of the bunk bed. But that's a story for another day.

Tim scoffed "We'll see you as Nightwing though so don't go around promising things that you can't do"

"You won't see me as Nightwing either" He said with a sad smile. He knows they wouldn't give a fuck if he just went up and died right there. He, himself, wouldn't give a fuck either.

Jason rolled his eyes, "What the fuck are you going on about?"

Killing myself?

"Dick, get in the cave, NOW!" Bruce yelled.

He's gonna be so disappointed with him, but he still loves Bruce in some way, He saved his fucking LIFE from getting him out of juvie.

Jeez, just thinking about Juvie makes him want to scream his lungs out.

He will always have this connection(?) with Bruce even after all the shit he's done to him.

Dick always comes crawling back to Bruce. It's kind of like Harley and the Joker. He would put her on missions and doesn't even care about how hard Harley has worked to get his shit (Just like him) The Joker would take advantage of Harley, and Dick can definitely rela- never mind.

Yeah, he needs to just put those thoughts away right now and answer to ma- Bruce's demands.

"Yes, sir" Dick said nonchalantly. Fuck he's not supposed to call him sir infront of the family. He's gonna be really fucked up by the time he leaves that cave, but he's gonna kill himself anyways, so who cares? Well, he's still planning and listing his options of suicide, but he's just so tired, so he doesn't really know how long it will take until then. But he's going to do it not matter what.

It's for the best.

Anyways, he wants to at least wash the dishes before shit goes down,"Can I put this into the dishwasher first?" He held out his plate.

Washing dishes made him feel so close to his Mami and how she would wash them with him and make jokes and giggle together. It makes him want to cry just thinking about it. But, It'll be happy tears, knowing that he's gonna be there with her again.

"Hurry up" Bruce said coldly.

Before he went into the kitchen..he looked back at the kids.

He wishes that he didn't.

They are smirking and laughing at him like he was some screw up. He actually agrees with them, but it still hurts.

Anyways, he greets Alfred in the kitchen and put the dish in the dishwasher like usual, but this time it was different. These knives were so captivating that he almost zoned out on them. But he's not gonna use Alfred knives, besides he already has a knife. It's hidden in the bathrooms bottom drawers just sitting there, waiting.

He needs to hurry this shit up with Bruce because he really wants that knife now.

So he heads out the kitchen door, into the dining room and looked over to Bruce. Bruce was glaring at him. That usually means that he's gonna have to wear that concealer later.

Dick just walks right behind Bruce with his arms crossed, he actually doesn't really know why he's crossing them but he's probably just cowering like a dramatic loser.

Why is he like this?

Why does he follow Bruce like a fucking dog, like how he did when he was Robin?

It's like he's gone back in time or something.

Anyways, once the two of them walked silently over to the bat computer did Bruce speak, "Go sit on that chair for me will you?" Sounds like a question to normal people but to the two of them....

it's a demand.

A demand that only he can tell, or rather decipher. And the reason he knows how to do that is because he has heard it so many times in his life. Lives? It doesn't matter. His life in general doesn't matter. It never mattered. Even before Bruce his life didn't matter. He's worthless, a burden, stupid, rude, a circus freak, a little gypsy THAT NOBODY WANTED!!

Don't let Bruce trick you by him saying he actually adopted Dick and took care of him just like he did with the rest of the robins. Well that's fucking BULLSHIT. First of all Bruce had never even adopted him, didn't love him. No he wanted a soldier not a son. He was never his son. But all the other Robins are and Dick can't help but feel jealous of them.

Whenever Bruce kissed them goodnight while when Dick was robin he would barely get sleep and even when he got so tired to the point where he had to pass out, he gets slapped right on his cheek where their should've been a kiss but no, he would get hit again, again, again, again, again and again, (etc.)!

He has to deal with it because he knows that he isn't good enough and completely useless.

He was replaced for a reason. To get a better robin cause this one can't do shit.

He deserves the pain he got though.

He should've done better.

There were times when he would try not to cry when Bruce told all of the other robins that he was proud of them.

He was never proud of Dick.

Just disappointed.

But Dick is just relieved that these kids would never have to go through what he went through.

They get the good Bruce.

He gets the bad Bruce.

Just like right now. Both in the cave. Bruce standing. Dick sitting. Bruce demanded him to sit down on the chair in front of the bat computer and the reason for that is because Bruce wanted to seem more intimidating and powerful. Which Dick literally didn't even feel intimidated. But he did feel weak as Bruce now held the dominance in this conversation(?).

Is this even a conversation?

They are literally looking at each other without a single word flying out from their mouths. It felt like a staring contest and Dick hates staring contests cause he got them delicate blue eyes. So Dick thought it'd be best if he started this- whatever this is, "Well? Are we just gonna stare at each other all day? I'm not really a fan of staring contests ya know" Dick gave him his best smile but it was probably a bit strained.

"I don't have time for your games right now" Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

He's the one who brought him down here in the first place so why the fuck does he have the right to feel frustrated?, "Alright then" Dick started to smile again as he clapped his hands together, but then he dropped the smile and stared up at him with his best glare he could conjure at the moment, "Spit it out" Dick said darkly in a way that made chills slivers up Bruce's spine.

Dick was feeling kind of weird that he could even feel an emotion other than sadness or the nothingness. He felt anger. The fuck. He's been emotionless/sad the entire time he has been back from Spyral.

Actually, he did feel this emotionless/sadness there too but then he got better right when he got a little promotion. He could finally go out in the world and do everything that these people have trained him for....and he did some bad things that he will regret for the rest of his life.

But right now the past and the sadness is not important.

All thoughts went blurry and all his attention was focused on his anger, well more like rage.

He started to shake with pure rage, "Well spit it the fuck out!!" He yelled so loud that the bats started to screech and fly away from this endeavor.

"I am your father, do not talk to me like that!!" Bruce yelled loudly with his deep gruffly voice.

Dick sat up so abruptly that the chair he was sitting on flew back all the way to a wall in the cave causing a dent in the rock.

"You're not my father and you know it! You have never been my father!" Dick felt blood trickle down his hand as he dug his nails deep into them, trying to control himself.

"Yes I have! I fed you, gave you clothes, money and a roof over your head! We both know the state you were in when I picked you out of juvie! I saved you, so if you don't want to call me a father, fine, but give me the respect I deserve for saving your ungrateful ass!" Bruce screamed so loud that Dick thinks that his eardrums might've gave out for a second there.

"I am grateful for what you have given me! But what i'm not grateful is, is for how you pulled me out of a bad situation and put me right back into a new one!" Dick mimicked Bruce's scream so that he could feel the ringing in his ears too.

"You're the one who did this to yourself. You could've said no when I offered to give you a home" Bruce said cold and quietly.

"I was in juvie, Bruce! Of course i'd say yes"

"How about robin, huh! You chose to become robin, I never forced you to. I'm not the one to blame, but you are! and seriously what kind of name is robin! Robin might've been my greatest fuck up!" Bruce said through his teeth.

Dick feels like he's about to lose it right then and there but he knew better than that. He doesn't want to end up like the jerk in front of him, the man who hits people!

Fuck, the rage is screaming louder and louder.

"You need to shut. the. fuck. up." Dick said carefully trying to calm himself down by breathing in and out like he has seen victims do.

"No! You think you are better than me but really you literally fight in a tight ass costume that screams faggot!" Bruce screamed and laughed at the last word.

Wow.

Dick is so confused,"Tim is bi?"

"Yeah, well you're different because Tim doesn't go around in public fights kissing and flirting, causing a distraction! and you have been leaning towards the men more than the women! You're not whatever the fuck pansexual is, you're just fucking gay! Tim at least still likes women!"

Dick started bursting out laughing. This fucking idiot who is supposed to be the greatest detective in the world doesn't even know what fucking pansexual means.

He had to stop laughing and be serious (even though it is so hard to), "Huh, well I don't think you know exactly what pansexual means because that includes women too you dumb fuck! and if you ever go near Wally and call him a faggot for being gay, I will kill you, you homophobic asshole!" Dicks heart started fluttering as he said Wally's name. He wants him so bad right now.

"Kill me? Really? come on, we all know that you literally can't even kill me! You swore to keep the promise we made to never kill anyone!" Bruce smirks thinking he knows what he's talking about, but he's wrong.

"Oh, that promise was broken decades ago! and this Spyral mission, oh this mother fucking Spyral mission, made me kill so many people you have no idea! You are why I was even at Spyral in the first place, so you're the real killer here!"

"You could've avoided killing those people! Killing someone makes you compromised, makes you a villian. So do you want to go to Arkham and relive your little juvie days that you are so dramatic about!? You were just chained up and beaten by the other kids who were literally might be the weakest kids to ever step on this planet and they barely even touched yo-"

Dicks cut him off with his eyes open wide as he screamed,"You don't know anything!"

"I know that you're a weak little bitch who couldn't even defend himself from those kids, the kids in which who were pathetic and skinnier than a fucking stick!"

"Oh so much more happened there, things that you couldn't even imagine! It makes me sick to think about it! So stop bringing up fucking juvie!"

"How about we bring up your parents then, huh? Let's start with Mary Grayson who was an impulsive woman hooking up with other men for fucking money! and your dad even did it too because you "needed" the fucking money! You had to be rich from when you were on the trapeze with money being thrown at you!"

Oh, he shouldn't have said that.

Once he brought up his Mami and Tati....

Dick can't stop the words from spilling out.

"How about Martha Wayne? Huh? Guess what! She died because of you and your selfish entitled ass! and you call me and my family pathetic when we aren't even close to how pathetic yours were! They should've known not to go in a dark fucking alley in Gotham of all places! They showed how rich they were, like you also do by the way, and that's exactly what got themselves killed! Oh and including you too!"

Bruce punches Dick so hard on his cheek to where he falls over, hitting the display of holding a souvenir that they found in his robin days. It made a loud bang from how strong Bruce's punch is. He's getting some major deja vu because the glass even broke just like last time.

Glass shards shattered onto him causing deep cuts, (like he needs anymore). He lied on the ground feeling the cold floor as blood started to surround his body in a crimson red puddle.

Fuck this.

Dick got up with a grunt and looked straight into Bruce's eyes while he smirked at the pain he just inflicted upon him.

He's used to glass in his back anyway, so he got up and grabbed a helmet and started his shit motorcycle out of the cave.

He doesn't know where he's gonna go but it's anywhere but here.

Chapter Text

Dick had his foot pressed on the gas and while he was in the tunnel—on the way out—he heard his name being called but he really doesn't give a shit. He needs to get the fuck out.

Right when he got to the caves exit, he felt so happy it almost hurt but at the same time, he still felt that anger. The anger that has been festering inside him ever since his parents died. His anger is actually the reason he became robin. Being robin helps contain his anger and put it out on people who deserve it.

God, everything is starting to seriously hurt. He can feel the blood all over his body, sticking to his shirt. Fuck, he liked this shirt too.

But, he really doesn't care about his injuries.

Maybe if he's lucky enough it'll kill him.

But he's never that lucky.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

Dick's shitty motorcycle screeched and slid as he came to a stop. Right when he tried to get off the motorcycle, he fell, again. Fuck.

He is now looking at a yellow apartment building with a window that has flash themed curtains.

No fucking way did he just ride all the way to Wally's loft.

Should he just leave?

But he needs somewhere to sleep and to get a first aid kit or something cause he's starting to get kinda dizzy.

.....ok he'll do it.

Dick puts his shitty motorcycle in the public garage and doesn't even lock it because he really didn't think of doing it at the time. All he was thinking about was Wally and his injuries.

Dick limps over to the fire escape, desperate for help and for Wally.

Once he finally gets to the window—which was unlocked..fucking idiot—he opens it slowly and then crawls through his flash curtains into Wally's room. Well, it was Wally's and Dicks room before shit hit the fan.

After crawling over through the window, he falls, again, on the carpet floor. At least this time the landing had some fluff to it.

He looks back and sees a blood trail through to window, onto him. He's definitely going to have to clean this up later.

Oh my God.

He can hear Wally's voice,supposedly on the phone with God knows who, and his heart starts to speed up as he can hear his footsteps towards their room, well now just Wally's room.

There is a click to the nob on the door and it flys open but in a more careful way. It looks like he accidentally opened it too hard because he hears:

"Shit"

Dick looks up and sees Wally with his red colored hair, blueberry themed pajamas, and a shirt that says I love your dad and Dick tries not to laugh at it because he's now sitting up on the ground under the window holding his side in pain and if he laughs, it'll just cause more pain.

Not gonna lie but Dick loves the pain even though it feels awful, it just calms him down?

He doesn't really know how to explain it but it's pretty much like cutting his arm over and over again.

Wally was still talking on the phone about food? He's probably on the phone with Barry. Those speedsters live for food.

But then Wally, in the middle of laughing at something, looks up to his window to see an injured Dick Grayson leaning on the wall that is right under his window.

He drops the phone with an "Oh my God" and Dick could hear (he was right it was Barry) Barry on the phone asking the 'what's going on and do you need help' shtick. But Wally doesn't answer, no, he's just frozen in place with wide eyes and hands covering his mouth.

But then his frozen figure, finally started to move, not towards Dick, but towards his phone.

"Hey uh Barry, I'm gonna have to call you back and before you ask, i'm fine, everything's fine" Wally says with a strained cheerful tone and then clicks the end call button and throws his phone on the bed.

"Dick? Wha-am I going crazy? I think I might be hallucinating" Wally's says in disbelief.

"Walls, i'm not an hallucination, i'm completely real and will tell you the whole story later but can you get a first aid kit or something? I'm seeing two of you, which i'm not complaining about" Dick adds with a smile with a raspy voice.

Wally speeds over to him and is suddenly on the floor in front of him.

And Wally fucking points him with his finger on his arm.

"Oh my God, y-you're actually back.." Wally's eyes get teary and his face looks relieved.

"Yeah, Honey i'm home!" Dick jokes.

Wally laughs,"It's definitely you with your stupid sense of humor"

"Uh excuse me? I heard a laugh" Dick smiles.

Wally smiles back and then his face and demeanor looks around Dick frantically and fast.

"Whatcha doin there hon?" Dick questions.

And suddenly Wally stops and looks at Dick with a guilty face before speeding over to get the first aid kit and come back sitting right in front of him just as before.

"I'll never get used to that" Dick snorts.

Wally snorts too with a grin as he pulls glass out of his skin, stitches the cuts up (Wally knows that Dick is used to it so it doesn't really bother or hurt him), put alcohol on them so they don't get infected and then he wraps them up. And he does this all in full speed. So to Dick, it took literally two seconds for him to do all that.

Wally is then suddenly on the floor in front of him..looking at Dicks cuts. Well, now scars, all over his arm.

Fuck, he's probably so mad at him for relapsing.

Wally traces his fingers along them and then holds Dick hands as he looks at him with a tear falling from one of his beautiful green eyes.

Dick feels his heart break and then feels tears falling from his own eyes down to his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, I'm s-so sorry, I-I just wanted to feel so-something you know? F-feel better" Dick says frantically between sobs. Fuck, now he made Wally sob too. Why does he do this? Why is he like this?

"Ba-Dick, don't apologize. I'm not mad at you or anything. I-It's just that you were getting so much better and whatever the fuck you were for all those months, fucked you up, again" Wally said wetly with a hint of anger.

He was gonna say baby, he was going to call him baby like he usually does, but he refrained from doing so this time.

Does he not love him anymore?

He's mad too, just like everyone else.

He doesn't love him anymore, nobody does.

Wally's face went stern and serious,"Dick, tell me what happened"

Dick sighed and started to pick at his nails, which is such a dirty habit. Much like his smoking,"I can't tell you everything but I was put in Spyral as an undercover agent on a mission to save everyone's identities from being discovered. And that's all I can tell you. I wish I could tell you more but I made a promise and you know me, I never break a promise" Dick twirled a piece of his own hair through his finger and that's just a nervous tick that he gets. And his hair is long enough for him to play with it.

He never tells anyone this..but he hates his long hair. It's such a pain in the ass having to wash it while taking showers.

Well, he actually does like his longer hair but he doesn't like it THIS long. It's literally touching his shoulders.

Wally asks,"Why did you fake your death though?"

Fuck,"I didn't" FUCK WHY DID HE SAY THATATTTYTSTDGBCBCB!!!!!!!

Wally raises a brow in question,"What do you mean?" He asks.

Ok, fuck it,"I did die"

"Well then how are you here?" Wally asks obviously not believing him. He doesn't blame him for that though because it's pretty confusing to even process it.

"I was attached to a bomb and Lex put some shit in me to stop my heart for a few minutes to get the bomb off. And, well the media found out my identity and I was presumed dead by this point, so I was said to be the perfect person to go on this mission" He tried to sugarcoat it as much as he could be it still sounds pretty bad.

Wally itched the back of his neck with a serious expression,"Holy shit"

"Yeah, holy shit" Dick huffs out an unhumorous laugh.

"But it doesn't sound like something that you, of all people, would agree to. Why would you say yes?"

"To go on the mission?" Dick questions.

"Yeah"

"Well, that's another thing I can't tell you because it's super fucked up and I was promised not to tell anyone and I really don't want to repeat it anyways" Dick looks down and fiddles with his hands.

"Shit, was it really that bad?"

It takes Dick a few seconds before answering saying,"Yes"

He could see Wally's eyes turning into a different subject, because he knows that he's uncomfortable talking about this,"When did you get back from Spyral anyways?" Oh, come on!

"About two days ago"

Wally's demeanor shifted into pure rage, he was expecting for that to happen, (He has learned a long time ago to never get his hopes up, because they will always end up disappointing you in the long run),"It took you that long to tell me?!" Wally snapped with a cold tone lingering in the back of his words.

Dick took a deep breath,"Yeah, i'm sorry. It's been rough and i've been scared to tell you because I knew you would be mad" Wally started to pinch the top of his nose in frustration.

He let his hands slip from his nose to wave his hands dramatically in the air to symbolize his frustration and anger,"Why would you think i'd get mad?"

Hah, well he is angry right now so yeah, he definitely expected for him to be mad at him.

"Everyone else is. They never wanted me back, they all preferred me dead" Dick put a hand on his face to hide his pain.

"Who is this 'they' you're talking about?"

"It doesn't matter"

"Yes it does. Please tell me" Wally pushed.

Ugh, fine.

"My whole family except Alfred and Selina"

Wally's eyes went wider than they already were causing him to almost look like fucking momo.

"Wha-Why the fuck are they mad at you for being alive?"

Why would anyone not?

"Because I lied to them....everyone"

"Is that why you have these glass shards in your back?" He gestured over to his newly wrapped bandages.

"Well, you could say that" Dick huffed.

"Your own family hurt you?"

No, a fucking asshole hurt him.

He is no family.

Never has been.

Never will.

"Not my family anymore" They would probably want that. He bets their praying for him to go straight to hell right now.

"Wow, I don't even know what to say" Wally blows air out of his mouth.

"Can you tell me what I missed? It looks like you added some new things, like that lamp over there"

"Oh, yeah, well, about that....I have a boyfriend"

What the actual FUCK!

"Wha-What?" Dick stumbles upon his own words.

"Yeah..He is coming home soon by the way and I don't really want him seeing my ex in our bedroom"

Holy fucking shit. Ex? He's his fucking ex now?

Wow.

And it seems like he's getting kicked out too.

"Walls, I have nowhere else to go" Dick says in a desperate attempt to let him stay.

"Uh-Okay fine, pretend your name is like Dean or something" Wally says quickly.

Oh fuck yes,"Dean? Well i'm cool with that cause you know how much I love Dean Winchester." Dick winks.

He hopes that, that made Wally jealous too. He used to be SUPER jealous of Dean fucking Winchester, Hah. He can't help that he's such a hottie. Dicks down bad for that man.

"Oh my god, go get changed too cause you are a hot mess" Wally stands up and tries to walk out of his room before Dick grabs his wrist.

Wally turns back to Dick and looks at his wrist in which is being held onto,"Where is there clothes to change into?"

Wally looks back up to Dick and clears his throat,"I-uh you can use my clothes in the yellow bin in the closet" Wally looked super fucking nervous all of a sudden. Is his new boyfriend here or something?

"Alright, should I take a shower before or....?"

"Yes, you seriously do" Wally grimaces.

Uh, ho.

"Okay" Dick let's go of his wrist and heads over to his closet. Well, THEIR closet.

Damn, looks like someone finally got Wally to organize all his shit. So it's pretty easy to grab a black shirt and some sweatpants from his yellow-colored bin (which is folded so perfectly, it looks like it's a prop on a tv set.).

He heads over to the bathroom, which is the door right next to the room he currently is in. Once he's in there, he feels it. He feels it all.

Tears swarm down his eyes, causing his surroundings to blur, like it literally looks like he's looking through some sn@pchat filter.

His legs buckle, making him slide down the shut  door of the bathroom, landing on the floor. He pulls his legs up to his chest and buries his face in between his legs. And he just starts completely sobbing. It's so loud that he's sure Wally probably hears it but he really doesn't care.

This hurts so much. He has been in a relationship with Wally since childhood.

It's like his whole world is falling apart all over him. Suffocating him.

He needs to stop being so dramatic. It's fine. Everything is fine.

He takes a deep breath and sits himself up into a standing position. He throws wally's clothes on the shut toilet lid and takes off his own.

Man, it hurts to take off his pjs as they stick to his skin due to the excessive amount of blood that once flowed straight out of him like a fucking waterfall.

He winces as he pulls off his shirt trying not to pull at his newly sewn stitches. Dick has had stitches SO many times in his life—to the point where it's not even normal, but when has his life ever been normal?—that it doesn't even really hurt. It's just that he probably shouldn't get blood all over thei-Wally and his boyfriend's bathroom. (But it's not like he doesn't want to).

He wonders what his boyfriend looks like. Does he look like him? or is he beautiful?

Dick certainly knows that his own body is definitely not beautiful. (No wonder he's leaving him) He's scarred everywhere and is literally insane. He's too much. He can't even look at himself in the mirror anymore cause all he sees is a scarred up piece of trash that should've been thrown away a LONG time ago.

But nope, he's still fucking here.

Miserable.

After he undresses himself, he avoids the mirror and as well he avoids looking down at his battered up body.

He opens the shower curtain and switches on the shower nob to a decent temperature (he shouldn't waste Wally and his boyfriends heat, so this "decent" temperature is as cold as it can get), before stepping in. Immediately, he can feel goose bumps rise on his skin and his spine tense. He starts to shiver under the water. Whatever, his body doesn't really matter anymore.

He feels like an angel in a human bodies vessel. He doesn't feel real. Nothing seems really anymore. Sometimes he wishes he'll wake up from this nightmare and feel his parents tucking him in and kissing him on the forehead with warmth. Just like the way he remembers it.

He wants that so much. He wishes that he could've just fell with them instead but here he is, in his now ex boyfriends shared apartment with his new lover, (actually Dick doesn't really know how long they have been dating because he couldn't bring himself to ask so who knows how new this all is), shivering in the shower with bandages all over him (thank god they're water proof) and his long raven colored hair getting right in his fucking face to point where he can't see shit.

Fuck it, this is pissing him the fuck off.

He turns off the shower and grabs a towel and places it on the floor in front of the sink.

He looks up and sees himself in the mirror and he holds back tears seeing how messed up he looks. His hair is covering him up like a fucking mop with bandages littered all over his body, almost looking like a literal mummy. His eyes are also red with tear stains on his cheeks from the excessive amount of crying that he has done.

He roughly wipes at his face and taking a deep breath. After doing so, he looks himself right in the mirror.

"Fuck you" He says to himself before slamming  the mirror cupboard open to raid it.

After about two minutes of searching, he FINALLY found the fucking scissors and takes them and slams them right on the granite countertop.

He keeps the cupboard open so that he doesn't have to look at himself and puts two fingers in his hair mimicking a ponytail and grabs the scissors and cuts it off aggressively, while angry tears filled his vision.

FUCK EVERYONE! HES SO FUCKING DONE WITH PEOPLE!

(Well, except Alfie and Selina, they are his everything)

It's actually kind of funny when he thinks about it. It took him to fucking die to finally see who his true friends and are. Wally and his family are just fake. They never loved him. They've been faking their love towards him this whole fucking time.

He's just a body.

He's just a body in the way that he has been his ENTIRE life, all he’s ever been is someone to be taken advantage of.

Why does he trust anyone when they say they love him when they clearly don't?

He's so fucking gullible.

Maybe even Alfred and Selina are faking their kindness too? They probably hate him on the inside but on the outside they are just tolerating him, they don’t want him, nobody has ever wanted him, they were better off without him, so he should just slit those wrists and let everyone feel happy again. Nobody’s happy when he’s around.

He just wants to be loved.

But he hasn't been loved since his parents fell from the trapeze.

He knows that he will never be loved again.

And he knows this because of his plan.

He is pulled from his thoughts when he sees the cupboard move by itself. Maybe from the air conditioning or something? Which causes the mirror to face him once more.

His eyes (still red) are now glossy with tears which are still flowing out of his eyes onto his cheeks. His hair looks super fucked up now. He looks like fucking he-man without the bangs. But it's okay because he knows what he is doing.

His Mami was actually the person who cut his hair like this in the first place, so that's how he learned it. He couldn't really cut his hair like this when he was in juvie as well as the manor.

He and all the other kids had to shave their heads and keep it shaved while they were all stuck in juvie. They've always said that they shave their heads so that they don't all get lice but he calls bullshit. They probably just did it for the fun of it. Actually, knowing those guards, they—not probably—but DEFINITELY did it for the fun of it. Fuckers.

At the manor, his hair still was growing out from when he was in juvie, but once it got too long for Bruce's liking, he would bring out those clippers and place them on the back of his neck, giving him an undercut with a little amount of hair at the top, almost military style which actually makes sense because all he was to that man was a fucking soldier.

But when he became Nightwing, he could finally have the control to do whatever the fuck he wants with his hair.

So he grew it out until it reached his shoulders and cut it just how his Mami would do it.

She would cut his hair pretty shaggy and short but like long short? kinda like Harry Potter in Prisoner of Azkaban. She would've liked that movie, his Mami.

Anyways, he put the long hair that he just sheared off on the granite table instead of trashing it so that when he was done cutting the rest, he could donate it.

Now he had to shape it because the he-man look (without the bangs) ain’t working. So he shaped his hair professionally as he remembers exactly how his mother did it. He knows precisely the places where he should cut his hair.

After a couple of minutes, he finished. He shook his head so that he could excess hair on him. Oh my God….right when he looked down to see the mess he made, ooh girl, he fucked that up. The ebony locks are covering the entire sink as well as the floor. It reminds him when he would cut dolls hair when he got bored.

Okay, don’t make fun but, he played with dolls as a kid. Like Barbie’s and My Little Ponies. He’s knows it’s girly but he seriously doesn’t give a fuck. The circus certainly didn’t.

Cause It’s a circus, crying out loud!

It’s actually pretty dumb whenever he says or does something fucking stupid but he doesn’t know that it’s fucking stupid because the circus didn’t give a shit if he wore a skirt. He would wear skirts from time to time so that he could be twinsies with his Mami.

So he didn’t even know that normal people unlike his circus freak ass, don’t think that men wearing skirts or women wearing suits are appropriate.

He didn’t even know that his name was a cuss word, he thought the name was normal but nope!

Nothing has ever been normal with him and it most likely never change.

Just like how right now he’s cleaning up his fucking hair that he just cut in his ex-boyfriend’s and his ex-boyfriend’s boyfriend’s home that used to be his ex-boyfriend’s and Dick’s home. So this is pretty fucking weird and not even close to being normal.

And what he is about to do is anything but normal.

After cleaning up and putting all his hair in a random plastic shopping bag lying around, he grabs the black shirt and sweatpants that he borrowed from Wally. Then he looks at the scissors.

Nope!

Don’t fucking do it!
….

He fucking did it.

He ended up going over to grab the scissors and wash them down. Then he held them above his arms. “Dick, please stop” he whispers to himself. He felt tears stream from his eyes and then he got a sudden burst of rage. He cut and cut all over his arm but not too hard because he doesn’t need Wally fixing him up again.

Oh, shit.

The rage left his body and leaving sadness.

“Why am I never good enough” he mumbles to himself and starts to sob but was interrupted by his thoughts.

Nope! We are not crying Grayson so wipe those tears and put on that legendary smile of yours and suck it the fuck up!

He wiped his tears roughly and took a deep breath before twisting the nob.

Chapter Text

Selina and Alfred went over into the kitchen to have a....talk.

Good thing Alfred has a mini table in the back of the room. Well, it's in another room as it is attached to the kitchen area.

The room is painted a soft light yellow with pink flowers painted atop of it It also has pretty small walls with the same size as the ceiling (Pretty much everyone in this manor can fit in it). The room also has a small wooden table and chairs (which was a set), In the middle of the room. Which showed why this room was even made for in the first place, it's for Alfred's lunch breaks.

"Come on and sit" Alfred pointed to the chair directly in front of him, with a table in the middle of course. She must've gotten lost in her thoughts as she didn't even notice him sitting down.

Selina pulled herself away from the side of the door frame and walked over to the chair that was being pointed at.

Right when she sat down on the chair, she felt a tinge of pain in her chest. At first she was thinking that she has cancer or something, the usual anxiety she has when she feels even a little bit of pain, thinking of all the things that could happen to her from it. (G00gle certainly doesn't help in any way).

But no, she is just worried for her kitten.

About what's really going down under there.

Bruce looked REALLY mad. It was a look she didn't recognize and she really thought she had known everything about this man by now but it's seems she hasn't. Everyone at the table seemed to not recognize either because when they walked into the kitchen, she could hear them talking about how unfamiliar Bruce's expression was. But Dick was totally unfazed.

What the fuck? Why is it always Dick that he goes for when he's angry. Never hurt him though, he wouldn't. Right? He controls his anger through punching bags, at least that's what she has se- he only did the punching bags when Dick wasn't in the manor. Holy shit. Well, maybe it's because he's angry Dick is not there? It can't be abuse, it can't. He wouldn't do that, he loves his kids. Fuck. FUCK!

Alfred was about to say something but Selina jumped in and quietly said,"I think Bruce is abusing Dick" Alfred gasped with widened eyes and confusion.

"He wouldn't dare!" Alfred protested quietly but it was presented more loudly to her as she was right in front of the man.

She mentally shrugged as she knew that he would probably get like this, defensive with deny of the situation. She doesn't think any lower of Alfred as that man has worked for the Wayne family for almost his entire life. Of course he would try to defend them.

Anyways, Selina said,"It was just observations at first but the observations are starting to seem like facts"

"Well, what are these observations you're talking about?"

Selina cleared her throat before speaking,"Have you ever seen Bruce's expression like that?"

Alfred shook his head, "No" obviously thinking that this is a waste of time. He can't be abused, he couldn't. But he will hear her out. It's Selina and Selina never lies. It could be just something that she thinks is true though.

"Well, it seems that me and the kids haven't either, but did you notice how Dick reacted?"

"He seemed unfazed" Alfred said, now having the gears turn in his head in realization. He didn't want to even think of Bruce hurting children so he'll just believe that it's just a face he does at Dick, but he would know if they did, right?

"Exactly! It's like he's been through this before. But i'm not really sure if it screams abuse or anything but when I connected it to my other observations, it clicked" She said while carding her fingers through her pixie cut.

"And what might those other observations, if you don't mind me asking?" Alfred said with his amazing British voice.

"Uh, this might be a bit uncomfortable" She said sheepishly as she scratched the back of her neck with her iconic long red acrylics.

"Is it really that bad?" Alfred said with creased brows shown with worry.

"To me, yes-but I want your opinion on this first so that I can see if i'm going crazy or not" Selina knows that Alfred is dedicated to Bruce and wouldn't want to accept that the boy he basically raised has now been hitting his kid.

But this is Dick.

Alfred would do anything for Dick, same with her, Harley, Ivy and weirdly a lot more 'villains'.

Seems like everybody respects him, heroes AND villains alike. Mostly villains though since they basically raised the kid.

Most villains can be seen as evil but some villains are just misunderstood. Some villains have always wanted to have a normal life with a family and kids. Robin was that to them. The kid literally loves all of the villains except for a few, and if you're on Dick Graysons bad side....

Well, have fun in hell.

"Alright, go on then" Nodding his head for her to continue.

"Okay, well I've noticed how differently he treats him than the rest of the kids. He's more harsh and cold to him while kind and careful with the rest of them. Don't get me wrong, i'm glad the other kids don't have to experience it but i'm just confused on how he's just doing this to Dick? The kid has literally been nothing but nice to the man.—

Yes, we all know about how Dick can get with his anger issues but Jason has anger issues too? He also has most definitely said WAY more worse things to Bruce than Dick has ever had. Oh, and don't get me started on how he is always blaming Dick for things that his siblings OBVIOUSLY done. It also pisses me off whenever Jason tries to play victim because he died?—

We all have, get over it.—

Oh, i'm going off topic, anyways, I've noticed how Bruce has been using his punching bags whenever he's angry but i've also noticed that he doesn't whenever Dick is at the manor.—

It's just very suspicious to me. Do you think it is or am I just overreacting?" She finished breathlessly.

"You definitely are not overreacting and I think you're correct. I'm starting to piece little memories together and it's not showing a very good picture" He said deep in thought.

"I know right?, but what should we do with this information?" She threw her hands up in the air in confusion and slumped back in the chair.

"I'm not very sure" He said honestly.

She sighed, "Ma-"

BANG!!

The both of them shot out of their chair and looked at each other with wide eyes.

"Dick" They said in unison.

Chapter Text

All of the Batfamily have their own opinions about this whole Spyral thing. So here’s everyone’s thoughts on whats going on with this whole situation.

JASON:

To be honest, Jason loves his brother (not that he would ever tell anyone that, especially Dick) but after this whole Spyral fiasco, he's starting to really hate the fucker.

Like hate him to the point where he can't even look at Dick without picturing slamming his skull into the wall.

He made them mourn him while he was playing spy games. so FUCK HIM.

Like, who does that? Especially to another Robin, and as stated many times by Dick “Robin means family even if your an ex Robin”. So why would he do this to them, to people who thought of him as family?

Who knows.

Who cares.

He still did what he did and there is nothing he can do to take it back.

Dick will always be known as the traitor in his book and Dick is definitely not family anymore.

He will never forgive him for what he has done.

No matter what kind of shit he does to win them all back.

TIM:

Tim's a very smart guy. Maybe even the most intelligent person in the entire family but he still will never be able to understand what's going on in Dick Graysons head.

Why he did what he did is a question that has been circulating around in Tim's head ever since Dick showed up at the doorsteps of the manor.

Dick is supposed to be the role model, better than the rest but here he is faking his own death to go on a little spy mission.

That's not Dick.

He wouldn't do that.

But he did.

God, he's so pissed, so pissed it hurts.

DAMIAN:

Damian loves Richard, he even considered him as his Baba at one point but now he is nothing but scum to him.

He knows that Richard thought of him as a son, so why would he do this to his son?

He thought that Richard loved him but after this, he has come to the conclusion that he clearly does not love him the way he thought he did.

Dick abandoned him.

He doesn’t think he will ever forgive him for that.

STEPH:

Dicks badass, that’s for sure.

He has saved her more times than she can even count. She owes him big time and to be honest she loves that fucker like a brother. She even looks up to him.

So, of course after this Spyral mission, she don’t give a fuck about him playing spy.

She’s sure he did it for a good cause. But she does feel kind of awkward around him now.

But she’s happy that he’s alive and well.

So that’s all that matters.

CASS:

Her big brother is like some sort of God to her.

He is her inspiration for what she wants to be.

He is someone that has shaped her into the person she is today and she is forever grateful for that.

She’s loves him with all her heart and is very glad that he is alive but she’s way too scared to go up and talk to him for some reason.

But she really wants to hug him again.

Chapter Text

Dick wiped his tears roughly and took a deep breath before twisting the nob.

He opened the door and shut it afterwards before walking over to the kitchen. He guesses that where Wally is since it sounds and smells like someone is cooking.

While walking through the tiny hallway that leads to the kitchen, he looked around to see their grandma looking flower wallpaper that Dick had insisted on getting. Can you blame him? It's cute.

Anyways, he also noticed missing pictures on the walls. It seems like Wally just threw his all out or something. He gets it though since he would have to flip Jason's pictures over so he wouldn't have to feel (and he was already seeing him anyways due to his hallucinations).

He weirdly misses those hallucinations. They make him feel not alone. He would have people to talk to, see his dead family and friends again.

He still does have hallucinations, but they are more subtle. It's strange how that happened. It got better after Spyral, at least he thinks it did. He hasn't been sure what's real and what's not in a long time.

So who knows? He could be in an asylum somewhere hallucinating he's a Wally's and (his) his boyfriend's apartment.

Actually, if he's hallucinating this he would probably be relieved. It'd be nice to know that this was all fake and Wally doesn't have a boyfriend and still loves Dick.

But we can't get all that we want.

He walks through the open door to see Wally hunched over the stove moving a spatula around the.. well he can't really get a good look at what he is cooking but it smells damn good that's for sure.

He uses his skills at making himself move without noise and then pokes Wally on the back just to get a scare outta him, "Hey Walls!"

Wally jumps then looks back, "Fuck, you scared me!" He exclaims.

Dick snorts, "Sucks to suck, anyways, whatcha makin?" He lays his head on Wally's shoulder and watches him cook.

Wally takes a deep shuddering breath, "Some chicken, it's Ben's favorite" He says softly, smiling to himself.

This makes Dicks eyebrows scrunch together in confusion, "Who the fuck is Ben?" He says with an underlying anger.

Wally then adds seasoning to the chicken, "Uh.. my boyfriend" He says almost in a guilty way.

"Oh" Dick moves back and sits in the counter next to Wally. He suddenly feels weird, like his heart broke in half.

Wally pulls him from his thoughts, "Yeah, well- ahem, there is some blankets and pillows in the closet next to the TV" He points over to the hallway, like he doesn't know where that is. Dick internally rolls his eyes.

Wally sets the top of the pan on top of the kitchen so that the heat sparks won't go everywhere.

Dick takes a deep breath before hopping off the counter, "Alright"

Then he feels a hand in his hair and looks back to see Wally flopping it around. Dick is confused by this and freezes.

"Hey, did you cut your hair?" Wally says softly while playing with the hair falling upon his nape.

Oh right, he forgot that he cut his hair.

Wally cards his fingers down the back of his hair and Dick leans in a bit. It feels good, okay? He closes his eyes for a second before opening again to see two green eyes looking at him softly.

Dick looks up to Wally doe-eyed, "Y-Yeah, I cleaned the mess up though, so don't worry, your bathroom won't look like chewbacca had sex with cookie monster" Dick says it like that's a normal thing to say. He can't help it, he's too relaxed to care.

Wally snorts, "Why that analogy?" He moves his hand down to his cheek and caresses it slowly.

"I genuinely don't even fucking know" He says with a snort and moves his head so that it would lay in the cup of Wally's hand.

Wally then looks at him like he's just remembered something and awkwardly moves his arm to sit on his shoulder, "Your so fucking weird" Wally laughs.

Dick feels that coldness of where Wally's hand just touched his cheek. He misses it.

The show must go on though.

Dick snorts, "Says you"

Wally looks at him with pretended offended expression,"Fuck you" He says incredulously.

Dick giggles and then skips over to the door to grab a few blankets to set on the couch,"Love you too!" He yells as he makes his way down to the closet.

He opens the closet door and is met with a ton of familiar blankets. It looks like he at least kept those. He grabs the blanket that he and Wally used to share all the time and lays in on the couch. It's a knitted blanket, colored in warm tones. Kind of like a fall type of thing.

Once he's got the blanket all set, he heads over back to the closet to look for a pillow. He finds a few pillows in a basket and they all look unfamiliar but he still picks one up and walks over to the couch with it in hand.

He sits the pillow next to the couches arm rest and then sits on it when he hears a door open. Not like a regular door, but the main door that opens into the apartment. All doors have different sounds and you can't tell him otherwise.

"Wall-bear, i'm home!" A light male voice yells softly.

Did he just say Wall-bear?....what the fuck.

Dude sounds like a fucking narc.

Must be the boyfriend.

He hears his feet walk over to the kitchen to where Wally is.

"Benny? i've got to tell you something.." Wally says quietly, like he's trying not to get Dick to hear it. Jokes on him, Dicks got fucking perfect hearing.

"What's wrong cupcake?" Ben says quietly in a soft tone, sounding worried. Dick can't help but smack his hand over his mouth to stifle a laugh.

OH MY GOD.. BAHAHAHA CUPCAKE IS CRAZYYYYYY!!

"Well, uh, you remember me talking about my ex that died?" Wally asks. Looks like he's gonna tell him about everything.

"Yeah what about him?" Ben questions.

Damn they talk about him like he's just an ex.

Well, yeah, he is an ex but they make it sound like their relationship meant nothing. It meant everything to Dick. He was genuinely in love with him, but it seems like Wally didn't feel the same way. It's okay, most of the people he loves act like he's a piece of shit nowadays.

Wally takes a deep breath, "Uh, well turns out he didn't actually die and he's sitting on our living room couch and will also be sleeping on said couch tonight"

"Wow, uh, okay.." Ben stumbles upon his words.

Wally winces dramatically, "Sorry, I felt bad, he said he had nowhere else to go"

Do they know that this "he" they are talking about is literally sitting in the other room and can hear their entire conversation?

Ben hums, "It's fine, you always had a soft spot for people in need" He says softly.

He's acting as if he's homeless.

Actually he kind of is though....

It's fine.

He's used to not having a home.

When Bruce kicked him out and fired him from being Robin, he had literally nowhere to go.

Yeah, he had friends that could've helped him, but they were all superhero friends.

Since he was fired, there really wasn't any way for him to contact them without revealing his identity. It might seem dumb that he still cared about concealing his identity since Batman was the one who made him do it in the first place. But he didn't do this for Batman, he did this so that they wouldn't treat him like the kids at school would.

Id they found out who he is, they would only see him as a circus freak. The charity case.

He actually never even told his friends that his parents were actually dead. It's fucked up, but he did it so that he could still pretend that they were still alive, still with him. Wow, that sounds depressing as fuck, but what isn't at this point?

Fuck, he's craving a cigarette right now.

He knows it's a nasty habit, but who the fuck cares?, he wants to die anyway.

Since he's at Wally's apartment, it's probably best if he doesn't smoke.

Wally doesn't smoke, he doesn't even know that Dick does. He was really good at hiding it from him. Blamed the smell from a bar or Jason. Now that he thinks about it, the only people who knows he smokes is some of the kids from juvie.

Yep, he smoked as a kid, as an eight year old. He knows that's insane, but he wanted to fit in and feel more connected to his Tati. His Tati would literally smoke all the time. So he's been breathing that shit in since he was born.

It was second-hand smoke at first, but that's just as bad as actually smoking anyways, right?

Oh, he totally forgot about his stash! It was hidden under a floorboard in the bedroom closet. It'll be stale by now but he really doesn't care, he just wants some smoke in his lungs.

He then hears footsteps heading towards the living room where he is.

FUCK! why did they have to enter the room right when he was gonna go on with his brilliant idea.

Wally walks in next to who he's assuming is Ben and gestures a hand over to Dick, "This is Dick"

Ben is pretty fucking tall which is a huge difference because Dick is short as fuck. He also has a blonde crew cut and brown eyes covered with rectangular shaped glasses.
Also wearing a button up white shirt and dress pants, probably because he just came back from his job. He must work at an office or something.

"Hey, I'm Ben" The blonde haired man introduces himself with a smile and a small shy wave.

Dick just smiled, it was fake as fuck but this loser probably didn't even notice, but Wally certainly did. Wally was giving him the glare that means 'Say hi back, you stupid idiot'.

Dick just glared back at him, the glare that means 'Fuck no'. He could see Wally's eye twitch.

Ha, this is fun.

Ben cleared his throat, "Wally cooked chicken, if you want to join us?" Ben questioned, obviously now seeing the tension.

"Okay" Dick says as he sits up and follows them into the kitchen where the dinner table is at.

The table was already set up with three chairs around it and chicken on plates with forks and knives. He notices that one of the seats chicken doesn't have a knife and then sees Wally wave him over to that area. Oh, right, he probably shouldn't be near a knife right now. He could still kill himself with a fork though?!

Anyways, they settle into their chairs and ate in a pained silence until Ben decided to speak his mind like a fucking moron.

"Why do you look so beat up?" Ben asks, gesturing his fork to the bandages all over him.

Dick looks at Ben with with a raised eyebrow before looking back to his food with a head shake, "Way to start a conversation" He spoke under his breath but it came out louder than he expected.

"Sorry, if I overstepped, but I was just curious" Ben apologized.

He doesn't know why, but this pissed Dick the fuck off, he could literally feel his heart burn in anger.

Dick looked at him darkly, "You don't wanna know" He put his arms under the table and scratched at his hands trying to hold in his anger.

But the fucker just kept on going.

"Was it some random thug, or you got in a car accident, or you-"

Before he could finish his sentence, Dick cut him off by abruptly screeching him chair back and staring down at Ben with his eyes squinting in fury, "Shut the fuck up!" He could feel his face burn, which usually means that his face is probably red in anger.

Wally banged his hands on the table and scooted his chair backwards with the same fury as Dick used to scoot his back, "Dick, living room now!" He yelled like a father disciplining his son.

Dick was shaking with anger while he walked over to follow Wally, who randomly stopped under the door frame and moved aside to point his finger over at the couch, trying to get Dick to sit down.

Dick decided he was gonna stand next to the couch, just to spite.

Wally shut the door and walked over to Dick and grabbed his wrist tightly, "What the fuck was that?" Wally whisper-yelled.

Dick slapped his hand off his wrist, "I feel like you should be asking him that, not me" Dick said between his teeth.

"He was just curious" Wally said incredulously.

"I literally said, "You don't wanna know" and he kept on fucking pushing!"

Wally scoffed, fucking scoffed, "You made it sound all mysterious, like whenever somebody says that, the other person wants to know"

Dick looked at him wide-eyed, not by surprise but anger, "So you want me to tell him that my so called 'dad' beat me?"

Wally's eye started to twitch, "You could've lied, we all know that you can do that just fine!" Wally laughed darkly.

Dick leaned in, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" Dick yelled, not even trying to be quiet anymore.

Wally then leaned in as he did to make them nose to nose, "Your the detective, figure it out" Wally said through clenched teeth.

Dick leaned back with a scoff, "Fuck this, i'm leaving" He said while he started to walk over to the bedroom. He could hear Wally following him.

"Yeah, and where are you gonna go?" Wally said with a dark laugh.

Dick opened the closest door, "Anywhere but here that's for sure" Dick scoffed.

"There's a door you know"

Dick crouched down and started to look for the floorboard, "Yeah, i'm not a fucking idiot, I just need my pack"

"What pack?" Wally questioned with confusion.

Dick opened the floorboard up and picked up the cigarette pack, "Oh, thank God it's still here" He kissed the pack as he stood up.

Wally stopped him by blocking the doorframe.

"You smoke?" Wally grimaced.

Dick rolled his eyes, "I've smoked since I was eight, now can you move?" He gestured.

Wally moved over so that Dick could walk through, "What the fuck! This is exactly what I meant about you being good at lying!" Wally yelled loudly as he followed Dick to the main door.

"It's a gift"

"What the fuck is your problem?" Wally yelled and Dick could practically feel his anger.

"Problems, plural" Dick laughed darkly as he opened the main door and walked out.

"Dick!" He could hear his name being yelled out at him but he just kept on walking. Once he was out of the apartment complex, he lit his cigarette and closed his eyes trying to savor the smoke as it burned through his lungs.

He then walked with his cigarette still in his mouth, trying to see if he can remember that familiar path that he used to always walk to.

It took him a few minutes before he was finally standing outside of a coffee shop. He walked in and spoke to the lady in the front saying the secret passage code. She passed him the keys and he went into the bathroom and stuck the key into the stall. It opened and he pushed the next door which was sound proof. Right when that door opened, his eyes were filled with different flashing colors and his eyes were filled with loud rave sounding music.

He smiled.

He then walked over to a table which was next to a dark green door. The table was occupied by three men. He was only there for one of those men.

He walked up to the table and sat his hand on the man's shoulder. The man which was named Mr Jones looked back to him a bit startled and then his eyes widened.

His wrinkles softened as his eyes widened, reminding Dick of what he looked like when he was a kid.

"Dick?" Mr Jones looked at him with surprise.

"That's me!" Dick tilted his head with a close-eyed smile.

Mr Jones stood up and patted Dick on the shoulder,"Fuck, I haven't seen you since you were still a kid" Mr Jones laughed.

Mr Jones looked at him closely, like he was inspecting him, "Damn kid, you look like shit" He maneuvered Dicks arm to where he could look at his bandages.

"Can you help me with that?" Dick smiled.

Mr Jones looked up at him with his eyebrows raised, "You wanna be back in the biz?" He questioned, dropping Dicks arm gently.

"Needed some cash" Dick scratched at his nape.

"You're sure good at makin it" Mr Jones laughed a bit with his fingers scratching his balding head, which was filled with thick, full hair when Dick was around back then.

Dick laughed, "You know that's right"

"Man, i've missed you" Mr Jones chuckled as he patted Dick on the cheek.

"Me too" Dick leaned into his hand with a smile.

Mr Jones moved his hands to pull the end of Dicks (well, Wally's) sleeve, "We need to get you dressed up" He looked up at Dick in which Dick returned with a smile.

Once he was back from changing into one of the outfits that a member here wore, he walked over to Mr Jones again. Dicks outfit was a black bedazzled crop top with dark blue shortie shorts and black knee-high boots. He had black smudged eyeliner on and his was messy but in a styled way.

Mr Jones looked him up and down then nodded, turning his head to gesture Dick over to look into the club, "Alright, your target is the man in the white laced shirt with black bell bottoms. He's a richie" Mr Jones said with his finger pointed to a man that fit that exact same description.

"Copy that" Dick gave him a salute and was off.

The man was in the far corner, so it was hard to move through the crowd but when he finally made it, he put his hand on the man's shoulder.

The man looked back in awe.

Dick caresses his arm up and down, "Hey, wanna dance?" Dick said seductively.

The mans Adam apple bobbed, "I sure do" He said sounding kind of nervous. It was kind of cute.

Dick moves his hand to the man's wrist and held it gently, "Cmon" He gestured his head over to an opener space.

He moved through the crowd with the man's wrist still in his grasp. Once they got to their destination, Dick and the man started to dance together, almost synchronized.

After a few minutes of dancing, Lady Gaga's song, Just Dance came on which was one of Dicks favorite. He sometimes listens to this song on patrol.

Dick lit up at the song, "I love this song" He looked up at the man with a smile in which the man returned.

"Me too"
“Can I kiss you?” The man asked, starting to get more confident.

Okay, Dick might be in love. Usually people don’t ask him. Only Wally ever did.

“Yes” Dick said breathlessly as the man leaned down and kissed him softly, not forceful like people usually would do.

Once they broke off the kiss, Dick put his arms on the man’s waist, "Wanna go somewhere private?" Dick asked.

"How bout my place?" The man smiled in a way where Dick knew that this man knew they were gonna have sex.

"Perfect" Dick said softly.

—

After they were done, they lied next to each other on this mans bed (which was huge) and looked straight into each other’s eyes with their fast pace breathing being the only noise.

"You're so beautiful" The man said breathlessly while holding Dicks face, looking at him softly. It made Dicks heart flutter. He might’ve found someone who actually loves him.

Dick moved closer to the man so that they could kiss. It was passionate, and it felt so real and he genuinely thought that this man feels the same way he does.

The next morning he found out that he was wrong.

He woke up later to see an empty space and a wad of cash on the table next to his bed.

Oh right, he’s just a hooker.

They don’t actually have feelings for him.

It’s fake.

It’s all fake.