Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first time you ever lay eyes on Logan, was coincidentally the same day that your parents died. 

You remember Logan as a strange man - tall, very tall, gruff, confused and scary. His tall frame cast a shadow across your bedroom door as you peeked out. You weren’t allowed to meet the stranger your parents had accepted into their home but you were always curious.

While your eyes never met, you remember the shine of the sharp silver blades seemingly attached to his hands.

The events that followed that quiet night is a hazy memory, lingering so close but so far away. The next thing you knew you were living with your older brother. For so long, you thought the sight of the silver blades was a dream.

You often watched as your older brother slammed furniture and hiss at the television. He muttered and cursed at the radio, and held your hand extra tight in public. Disgusting Mutants.  

Piece by piece you figured it out. A Mutant had killed your parents. But living rurally meant mutant talk was barred from the home, from friends and family, and something to never be spoken about at school. You were so far removed from the happenings of mutants you could have sworn they were going extinct. Good.

In your first year of high school, you watched a boy in your class discover he was one of them. 

He was never the highest achiever, often described as lazy and unwilling to participate. Observant and curious as you are, you noticed how he slept in class often. You were the first to notice when his friend reached over to wake him up, he too collapsed on his desk. Then the teacher went to shake him awake and she dropped to the floor. 

All hell broke loose in your small town - and you’d never seen your brother so irate and shaken. It consumed him, doors were locked, windows were bolted and he wouldn’t let you see the light of day until the problem was ‘dealt' with.

You were convinced mutants were the spawn of the devil. 

You didn’t start showing signs until your last year of high school. 

First, It was the splitting migraines, dizziness. You would put your things down and then lose them forever. 

Then, you swore you wore a different shirt to school. The television wouldn’t stop switching channels.

Everything started to feel like a fever dream, and your dreams became vivid nightmares. Sometimes you could still see the things in your nightmares throughout the day. It became a struggle to the finish line of graduation and the change in you was obvious. 

Your brother was convinced someone, or rather a mutant, had cursed you. He told you every day that you were cursed, dying, or that mutant that killed your parents so long ago had set you up to fail from the very beginning. He probably had a hit out on you too.

You were convinced you were losing it. 

With the fear of god in your brother, you were locked up tight in your room, dark and quiet. No visitors, no food, and no graduation. The dark room served unintentionally as an echo chamber to your thoughts and manifestations. 

Your innocent thoughts often kept your mind entertained. Thinking of your friends you could almost hear their laughter echoing around your room.

Toying with memories soon turned into turning over bricks in the farthest corners in your mind. You remember the tall and scary clawed man, your parents voices downstairs. The sound of gunshots. The blinding light and the flames that licked at your skin. The thick air and the absolute heat. 

It all still felt so real. You felt hot. Like, really really hot. 

xx

“I’m not a fucking mutant” was your mantra when you lay strapped to a hospital bed. 

But, the nice bald man who came to visit had told you that essentially, you were shit out of luck. 

Not only had your house gone up in flames, but so had your brother. You denied this happened, and by the time you accepted it did, you reiterated you were the last person that would ever do something like that. And you are not a mutant. 

However with no family, nobody in town wanting to see you again, an investigation from the police, the only person who offered you a way out and a place to stay was the nice bald man. You will admit that he brought a sense of warmth and kindness of the likes you had never felt before. 

The transition to the school was smooth thanks only to Xavier. For the first couple of weeks, you were in isolation - partially because you refused to see any other mutants, and the other parts being the trauma of losing everything, and feeling like you also lost your mind in the process. 

He visited and sat with you every day. He asked questions, understood what was happening in your mind like you didn’t think anybody ever could.

Weeks passed until you were able to get your head into a manageable state - the strange, confusing and uncontrollable happenings started turning into small and controllable happenings. 

The first time a collection of objects you thought you had lost re-appeared in a messy pile on the floor, you knew it had to be accepted. 

Soon, you had a date to be transferred to the dorms where all the other students resided. It was nerve wracking to say the least - a world you had never ever thought you’d be a part of. Though Xavier let you have private introductions with the professors as an easy warm up, which you were thankful for. 

First, was Scott Summers. The meeting felt much like a parent teacher conference, sitting in front of his desk as he talked about the class criteria. You were distracted by the sunglasses he wore. He was very nice, calm, a little handsome and very.. normal. 

Then, Logan Howlett. 

Reading the number on the piece of paper, you knocked timidly on the half open door to the wide lecture room. 

“Um.. Mr. Howlett?” You ask shyly, peering in the room further. 

“Yes?” A husky voice barked out from across the room. Logans legs were up on the desk, a stack of papers sitting across both his lap and the desk. 

“Oh.. Hello. I have a meeting with you..now, I think” You stuttered out. Not usually one to be so nervous, but meeting these people knowing they had some type of full fledged mutant power made your heartbeat in your ears. 

“Oh, right. Yes, sorry.” Logan jumped up quickly and threw the papers down on the desk. 

“Sit” He spoke, gesturing to the chair by his desk. 

You nodded quickly and rushed across the room, sitting down in the chair.

You both seemed equally as surprised to see each other.

Logan was tall, well built and with a deep frown etched onto his face. He had an unusually tight shirt on, bootcut jeans and a big belt buckle that your brother would’ve loved. He’s a real rural town dream, Logan was. Wow. 

You felt as though you had seen him before, even his presence felt familiar. Or maybe he just looked similar to someone from high school? One of your brothers friends?

“You’re the new student I take it,” Logan spoke finally, sitting back down in his chair.

“Yes,” You spoke simply.

He nodded slowly and there was a lapse of silence. You gazed at each other for a few beats, his eyes were dark and intense, eyebrows furrowed together, and it made you shift uncomfortably in your seat. His demeanour made you feel like you were in trouble already.

“Right,” Logan said, “And your mutation is..?” 

“I-I don’t know.. exactly,” You spoke quietly.

“You don't know?” Logan spoke firmly, the deep frown returning to his face “How do you not know?” 

“I’m sorry- I just, I don’t know,” You stuttered, palms sweaty. 

“Right,” Logan repeated simply and shuffled around a few papers on his desk. 

Silence hung in the air again. The stoic silence from Logan was a vast change from Professor Summers. 

“Well, you’ll be in my theory class. Two times a week.” Logan spoke, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I’d say you’re in my combat classes too but there's a nice big red line through your name on my list. I have to assume you won’t be joining that for a while,” Logan spoke.

You glanced down to the sheets of paper Logan was just shuffling around. It was hard to make out, but he was right in saying there was a big red line through someone's name. 

You felt a little relieved to not be thrown into a class like that. Physical education wasn’t something you absolutely loved, and combat training in a place like this sounded like hell on earth. You weren’t ready. 

“O-Okay,” You spoke. 

“And you’re not getting any special treatment just because you joined us late,” Logan continued, grabbing three textbooks and chucking them lightly to the end of his desk. “Read up.”

You nodded quickly and took the books from off the desk. 

“Any questions?” Logan asked.

You sat for a few moments, trying to think of a question. You were sure you had a million questions. From Logan's short demeanor you felt a strange need to impress him.

Nerves and Logan's intimidating gaze got the better of you and you shook your head. 

“Well, we’re all sorted here then,” Logan spoke, clapping his hands and standing up, gesturing back over to the door.

You scrambled a bit to gather your things again, including the textbook and made a line to the door without looking back. 

“Thanks,” You spoke, probably not loud enough as you made a hasty exit. 

Wow, that guy was an asshole. And really wickedly attractive . Not in a weird way of course. It was almost a good thing he was so seemingly bad tempered, or else he would be an absolute dream boat. Not a good thing to think about your professor. 

The other two introductions went a lot smoother and nicer in comparison. You took a particular liking to Kitty Pryde - of which she insisted you call her simply by her first name. She was kind and thoughtful, but sometimes looked at you with a kind of empathy you’d only seen on Xavier when he first came to talk to you. 

Transitioning to the dorms was both easier and harder than you’d anticipated. Your single room was bigger than the one you’d had at home, so that was a win. 

But you didn’t often like to leave it, wary of the voices coming from down the hall and the shared common space.

You couldn’t bring yourself to leave your room to eat at the dining hall, so for the first few days before class Kitty had been bringing down meals and snacks, sometimes accompanied by another red-haired professor you’d never met.

It felt a little bit like you were being monitored, but on the other hand it was nice of them to notice and care about you.

Professor Logan had been the only one to give you catch-up work, and spending days reading over history and historical combat context was crazy to say the least. Never in your life would you think you’d have the looming threat of a fight or any type of conflict coming your way. Do all mutants have to be ready for battle? Are there so many bad mutants in the world?

You thought about your parents, and thought maybe there was. Maybe in bigger cities crime fighting was just another day job. 

xx

Walking into Professor Logan's first class was intimidating.

Though you thought you had arrived early, a sea of students were already seated and jovial chatter echoed around the high ceilings. Noticing only a few spare seats open towards the front, you quickly took a seat beside two other empty desks and pretended not to notice or feel people's gaze on your back. 

It sent chills down your spine, your prejudiced thoughts of mutants eyeing you up. You don’t know what these people were capable of. 

“Textbooks out,” Logan barked loudly, shocking you out of your thoughts.

You glanced up and watched as he strode across the room to his desk. 

The sound of shuffling students, and bags unzipping echoed as you sat unmoving, your textbook already out and opened. 

Logan watched unimpressed, until his eyes met yours. You watched each other, both unmoving. The stillness and silence was unnerving, it almost made your ears ring. 

For a split second, it felt like you were the only two in the room. 

His gaze suddenly held something you thought was recently familiar - pity? cautiousness?

A girl walking in front of your view of Logan snapped you out of it, only glancing at her as she sat beside you. She gave you a small and pointed smile. 

“Nice of you to join us” Logan spoke sarcastically, as he looked at the dark haired girl beside you. 

She just huffed back at him, and he turned to start writing things up on the board. 

The lesson went over things you had both fully read and skimmed in the textbooks, expanding on points as you listened curiously. 

He was a great teacher. He had a commanding presence, passion, and an obvious wealth of knowledge in the subject both in theory and practice. 

You watched when his well defined arms flexed as he spoke, and the way his shirt rose a little bit when writing up on the blackboard. His really dark and husky voice.. and pants that seemed to perfectly outline his crotch..

The lights in the room started to flicker. 

“No fucking around,” Logans harsh tone cut through your thoughts.

Your whole body flushed hot, and watched as Logan glanced over all the students in the class - obvious he wasn’t unsure of who it was coming from.

“I’m sure you can fuck around in your other classes, but not here,” Logans angry tone quickly settled hushed whispers. 

The light remained on now as you sank down into your seat, sure your face was red so you looked down at your book and pretended to write some things down. You felt like such a freak.

The rest of the lesson was spent looking down at your book and not looking back up towards the teacher. You couldn’t focus on what was being taught, busy thinking about your inability to control yourself and your abilities.

“Y/N” 

You glanced up and Logan was standing in front of your desk.

“Professor,” you rushed, glancing around as people were shuffling around and trailing out the door. 

“I see you did your homework then,” Logan spoke, arms crossed against his broad chest as he nodded down to your open textbook littered with page tags. 

“Oh.. yeah, It was really interesting, actually,” You spoke, flashing a tight smile.

“Good to hear,” He spoke flatly, turning and walking back over to his desk and sitting down.

He watched as the last people trailed out the room. You started quickly shovelling things back into your bag. 

“Know what your mutation is yet?” Logan spoke, eyes piercing you once again. 

“No” You spoke quietly.

“Well, whatever you’ve got going on, I don’t want it in my classroom,” Logan spoke firmly.

“I- i’m sorry, well it wasn't me..” You stuttered out, and Logans eyebrows shot up in an accusatory look. 

“No- well, I mean.. I don’t know.. That it was me..” You trailed off “I’m sorry. I wasn’t doing it on purpose” 

“You’re disruptive. No using mutations in my classroom.” Logan spoke firmly

“I said I wasn’t doing it on purpose” You spoke quickly, unbelieving that he would be so rude about something you couldn’t even control. What was his problem?

“Tough shit, bub” He spoke “You need to control yourself.”

Frustration bubbled up inside of you and felt it was better to not keep arguing. He was your professor after all, and his tone and demeanour gave off the impression he wasn’t there to be argued with anyway. 

You quickly shoved the rest of your things in your bag and left quickly. You tried not to dwell on the interaction and the distaste Logan had for you already, rushing to the next class. 

You were well aware the emotions and thoughts swirling around in you needed to be controlled or they would manifest in some weird and probably unhinged way. Still, it didn’t feel fair to be expected to know how to contain it already.

You supposed not thinking about how attractive the professor was was a start.

Chapter Text

You made a point not to sit at the front of Logans class again. The last thing you needed was to be told and reminded that you were out of control.

Though you sat so far back from the front, Logans gaze still often landed on you from across the room. 

You remained quiet and tried to keep yourself sparse from the other students and hoped that you’d go unnoticed, head down in your books and catch up on what you’d missed across classes from the beginning of the year. 

You’d taken notice of the dark haired girl in two of your classes who also seemed distant, and uninterested from those around her. You’d only ever seen her getting along with one other student in the dining hall. 

She also had poor rapport with Logan, often sneaking in late and snapping sarcastic remarks at him when he tried to call on her, and you found yourself sitting beside her in most of your classes. 

xx

You woke up one night in a cold sweat, a violent nightmare jolting you out of bed. Your nightmares were vivid, lucid and hard to distinguish from reality at the best of times. Especially waking up in the dead of night, the darkness brought an extra layer of confusion. 

So even when you sat up, the graphic images you had seen of fire still made your skin burn hot. The bedroom light was flickering, and your bedside table flew across the room and crashed so loudly it made your ears ring. 

Scrambling out of bed now, in a hot panic that only heightened your fear. Were you still dreaming? 

You looked down at your arms and hands, skin prickling with so much heat you were certain you had burnt yourself somehow, but you were seeing double. Your vision started to pulse. 

Your door creaked open, and a small and shadowy figure slipped into your room. Before you could react properly, she made one swift movement toward you and you were out.

Sunshine was streaming into your room when you woke up, comfortable in your bed. 

Confused, you glanced around and saw the familiar girl from your classes sitting tucked up into herself against the wall. 

You sat up quickly, remembering what happened. You would’ve thought you were still dreaming if you hadn’t just woken up more refreshed than you had ever felt. 

“I’m sorry, I was just making sure you’d wake up,” Rogue spoke, standing up quickly.

“I’m sorry?” You spoke, surprised. Did she try to kill you?

“Sorry - I meant, I just was making sure you slept alright,” She said timidly.

“Did you - what? What happened?” You spoke quickly, glancing around the room and spotting the broken ceramic lamp strewn across the floor. 

“You seemed distressed. I just thought i’d help” Rogue spoke.

Her presence was unusual, understated but had a very obvious edge to her. Like she was going through as much internal turmoil as you were. 

“How.. what?” You said “How did you do that?” 

“Are you really asking me how I did that? We’re literally mutants,” She spoke flatly, still standing at your bedside.

You shot her a small frown now as you pushed the blankets off, but she had a smile across her face. 

“I suppose so..” You spoke slowly, unsure what to make of the situation as you slid out of bed.

You went over to the shattered lamp and started carefully picking up the pieces.

“I figured you needed some help if you were smashing things in your room. Sorry if that’s weird,” She spoke.

“No.. it’s alright. I do appreciate it.” You spoke and glanced over at her “I think that was the best sleep i’ve ever had.” 

She laughed and walked over, carefully helping you pick up the smaller pieces. 

“So, your mutation is putting people to sleep?” You asked hesitantly, putting pieces gently into the small trash can you had in your room. 

She laughed again, picking up small pieces you hadn’t even seen.

“I wish.” She spoke softly, throwing pieces in the trash. 

“Absorption” she spoke “Or, I like to call it, taking what I want from other mutants.”

You nodded slowly and tried to wrap your head around what that entails exactly. Absorbing other people's powers? Their lifeforce? Killing them?

“That's hardcore,” you spoke, the thought slipping out unintentionally.

You weren’t sure if you meant it as a compliment but another smile spread across Rogues face.

“Thanks” She laughed “I’m Anna - Or Rogue.”

“So we share a wall I assume?” You asked.

“Yeah. I’m pretty close” She spoke, walking over to the door “so if you have any more nightmares I won't be far.” 

She smiled at you before slipping out and leaving. 

You suppose not all mutants were using their power for terrible things. 

xx

You saw Rogue next in class at the end of the day, and this time she gave you a warm smile as you sat at the empty spot beside her. 

You watched as Logan strode into class in his usual manner. 

He always looked good, you had to admit. There was something very alluring about the way he held himself, his presence and how much sureness he seemed to have in what he was saying. Though there were days he looked like he was going through it, tense and snappier than usual, he still was a great professor. 

“He’s such an asshole” Rogue spoke quietly enough for only you to hear.

You glanced over at Rogue, though you could have already guessed she didn’t like him.

“Not a fan?” You spoke.

While you weren’t his biggest fan either, you couldn’t deny the attraction you felt toward him stopped you from disregarding him completely. 

“No. He caught me in my first year sneaking off with my boyfriend” She huffed “Almost got me expelled.”

You watched her curiously, unsure if that was a good enough reason to dislike him as much as she did. However, she did seem rough around the edges and Logan seemed to have a tendency to rub people the wrong way.

You decided not to comment, glancing back over at Logan who was already peering directly at you. 

You listened intently to Logan (always careful to not let your eyes linger too long), scribbling things down in your notebook. Learning about battles and tactics that shaped how combat and training is taught and why it’s important was honestly fascinating.

You barely noticed the snickering happening in the row in front of you until a few classmates started glancing behind to look at you and Rogue. 

You felt your cheeks get hot, but ignored them. 

Class soon ended and before you could start packing up, two of the boys sitting in front abruptly turned around in their seats again. 

“Nice that the freaks are pairing up” one of them jeered.

You were a little stunned and couldn’t seem to think of anything quick enough. 

“Fuck up” Rogue snapped. 

“What’s the point in learning about fighting if you can’t even use your mutation?” The same one laughed, looking over at you now.

“I heard she doesn't even have one.” One of the other boys pitched in, all eyes on you. “Is that why you’re not doing combat?” 

“Obviously. Even the pathetic ones still do combat. This one probably can’t do anything but throw a book.” the first boy laughed.

Your face was getting red again, nervously watching as the group of boys laughed and nudged at each other. 

“I’ve kicked your ass more times than I can count” Rogue snapped from beside you “Leave her alone.”

“Yeah? And what are you going to do?” The boy snapped, shooting up from his seat “Sit around and cry about how you can’t even touch your boyfriend? I feel sorry for him, having to deal with a moody bitch who cant even put out.”

“Hey-” You spoke quickly “I think we should-” You started, glancing at Rogue who was now standing.

“Well at least somebody loves me. I can’t say the same for you.” Rogue hissed. 

“Hey!” A deep voice cut across the room “Class is over!”

Everybody turned and looked over at Logan, who was obviously seething - a deep frown on his face and his body tense. 

“Get the fuck out” Logan snapped.

The boys hurried to get their things together, almost tripping over each other trying to make their way out before Logan could get another word in with them. 

“You two.” Logans voice was low and restrained, an obvious attempt at hiding his anger.

You glanced at Rogue as she scowled at Logan, then started shoving things into her bag angrily.

“Bite me” She spoke as she stormed out the door.

You stood, a little dumbfounded at the scene that had unfolded. You found yourself staring back at Logan with wide eyes. 

“Detention” Logan spoke, voice low still “tomorrow.”

“What?” You exclaimed “Why?”

“Because I said so” Logan spoke sharply.

“Are you serious?” You spoke “That wasn’t even my fault!” 

“I don’t care” Logan walked over to the blackboard and started clearing it. 

“You’re giving me detention? They were being nasty first!” You pressed, letting your frustration take hold as it truly was unfair to be punished for something you didn’t even get a word into.

Logan didn’t say anything, his back facing you as he cleared the blackboard. 

“You’re fucking unbelievable” You muttered, grabbing your bag and making your way down the steps and closer to Logan.

“Are you seriously going to give me detention and not anyone else?” You couldn’t help but snap at him again.

“What I do and how I deal with the others is none of your business” Logan barked at you, turning around to face you. 

You jumped a bit at the suddenness of both his tone and movement. 

“You’re making friends with the wrong people here” Logan spoke angrily “Do you really think spending time with Rogue will be a good influence on you?” 

“I hardly know her” You admitted quickly.

“Well I'm telling you this now.” He spoke firmly, his anger still very prominent “Get some better friends.”

You furrowed your eyebrows together. Growing up, you were used to getting told off and obeying what you were told to do by your brother. Logans anger hit the same sore spot that made you nervous to defy. But this felt like something personal that your professor of all people shouldn’t be worrying about. 

“At least she stood up for me” You spoke.

Logan just stared back at you, a flicker of a more gentle expression crossed his face. Before you could figure out what it was, it was gone again. 

“Detention. Tomorrow.” Logan spoke lowly, walking over to his desk and sitting down.

You watched him for a few moments before leaving the room. The confusing interaction was enough to calm the frustration of getting detention for something you didn’t even do. 

xx

You didn’t see Rogue at the dining hall in the evening, or at breakfast the next day. You didn’t manage to spot her blonde boyfriend either. 

You didn’t have Logans class, but made your way to the classroom at the end of the day for the detention he had so kindly given you. 

You spotted Rogue trailing behind the last of the students leaving.

“Hey” You spoke once she spotted you.

“Hey” She returned, looking at you somewhat sheepishly “Sorry for getting you in trouble.” 

You waved your hand, shaking your head. 

“Not your fault” You spoke.

You could see she wasn’t the most popular or well-rounded student, but she had only ever been nice to you so far. Helping you not blow your dorm room up, and defending you from assholes made someone a good friend in your eyes. Even if both of those situations were not ideal to begin with. 

“He made me switch classes” She spoke, sounding defeated. 

“Fuck” You stated simply, which made her laugh. 

You felt disappointed that the one person you liked wasn’t in any of your classes anymore, leaving you at the mercy of other students. You hoped that meant he moved those boys to a different class too. 

You glanced behind Rogue to see Logan walking over to the door, looking at you expectantly. 

Rogue glanced behind herself at Logan before looking back at you. 

“Good luck” She spoke in a hushed tone before heading off down the hallway. 

Logan just stepped back from the doorway, gesturing you to go in. 

You sighed to yourself, walking in and sitting down at the first open seat in the front, dropping your bag to the ground. 

It was just you, and you wondered if those boys were even punished. 

Logan walked over to his desk, grabbing a textbook before going over to where you were sitting and chucking it down lightly. 

“Pages one to one hundred” He spoke firmly, turning and sitting back down at his desk.

You looked down at the textbook. Combat Training Manual. 

You frowned and opened the book, flicking through it quickly. It wasn’t very wordy, rather having pictures, instructions and diagrams strewn throughout. You landed on practical instructions and techniques on how to face a certain type of mutation. 

The idea of facing another mutant in combat was daunting. Someone like Rogue was sure to kill you. Does combat training include using your mutations? Were all mutations so powerful?

You let your mind wander as you flipped through the book, looking at the index to try to find a mutation or powers that sounded similar to yours. Telekinesis? Manipulation of.. Something? Manifesting.. Fire? You weren’t sure. How could you not be sure?

Frustrated, you sat back in your seat and glanced over at Logan who was looking down intently at some papers. 

You let your anxieties get the better of you.

“Does combat training include using your mutations? Is that why I'm not in combat classes?” You asked.

Logan glanced up at you, the same deep frown already settling into his features. 

“No” He spoke simply.

Man of few words, Logan was. 

You sat up slightly in your chair. 

“Then why am I not in combat classes if we don’t even use our mutations?” You asked.

“Because you can’t control yourself” Logan spoke.

“But - it’s just basic training” You spoke. 

“It won't be basic training when you lose control and take someones head off” Logan spoke gruffly. 

You shook your head, unhappy with the exaggeration. 

“You’re acting like i’m some dangerous freak” You frowned.

“We’re all dangerous freaks” He spoke, looking back down at his papers.

You huffed, crossing your arms and looking out the window. Logan was a hard one to crack; if he ever did. He was relentlessly firm, and you didn’t think you had even seen him smile once. 

To be fair, you knew nothing about Logan. Some of your other professors had seeped in some personal tales, or struggles they had experienced throughout their lives. They used situations they had been in as examples. But Logan had never let up that he had ever even been in combat before - though it was very obvious he had. You wondered what someone like Logan had been through. 

Sometimes it seemed like he was a stick of TNT lit from both ends, and he was just waiting for something to push him so he could explode. 

“I don't think it’s very fair for professors to pick and choose what students they like” You tested, glancing over at Logan.

He looked up at you, his expression was unreadable to you due to the fact it wasn’t anger.

“Excuse me?” He spoke, his tone calm.

“You don’t really like.. Rogue.. I meant” You spoke, unsure of yourself now as you were finding it difficult to read Logans reaction. The last thing you needed was to make things weird. 

Logan just grunted, shaking his head as he glanced down at his papers. 

“I don’t like a lot of students.” He spoke.

“Seems unprofessional” You hummed. 

“Well, I don’t have a degree in history, or a teaching license. I’d say that's pretty unprofessional too.” Logan spoke, a small frown back on his face but his tone was light. 

You smiled. 

You watched each other for a few moments, and a faint smile tugged at the corner of his lips before he looked back down at the papers.

God, you felt butterflies. 

You looked back down at the textbook, thumbing with it mindlessly now as you tried to think of what to say next. Navigating a conversation with Logan didn’t feel easy.

“Seriously though..” You spoke slowly, nervous to continue the conversation “It’s unusual to get advice from a professor about who to be friends with.” 

Logan was silent for a few moments. 

“Well I’m just looking out for you” He spoke, his tone was still light. 

“So has she” You challenged.

“I’m sure she has” He stated.

“I think if she hadn’t come in to help me I would have blown up my dorm room” You admitted.

Logans head snapped up as he looked over at you again, tense and frowning. 

“Helped you with what?” He spoke firmly.

You sank in your seat a little, a twinge of regret in your stomach.

“Just a nightmare” You spoke softly. 

“Nightmare?” Logan repeated, body still tense.

You nodded, glancing back down at the textbook. 

You felt Logans intense gaze still set on you. 

“Nightmares, huh?” Logan spoke “I have to sleep alone because of my nightmares.”

You were almost shocked at the confession, looking over at Logan who had averted his eyes from yours. 

“Oh-” You started quietly. 

“You’re not alone with what you’re going through at a place like this” Logan spoke, glancing over at you. His features were soft, albeit eyebrows furrowed.

“I can’t imagine what some people have gone through” you spoke quietly now, mostly at the thought of Logans nightmares. 

At the confession, on one hand you couldn’t imagine someone like Logan being bothered or disturbed by nightmares. But on the other hand, you weren’t surprised if there was something haunting him. 

You also now knew what it was like and how dangerous for someone with mutant powers to get nightmares, and you wondered what it did to Logan. 

“Whats your mutation?” You asked quietly, the train of thought obvious. 

“I’m not playing this game” Logan mumbled “Finish the pages.”

You sat and watched him for a few moments as he shuffled some things around on his desk before looking back down at the textbook, allowing the subject to drop. 

You both settled back into silence as you flipped through the textbook again.

Chapter Text

There was a gentle knock on your door as you sat at your desk.

“Come in,” You spoke softly, knowing of only two people who would bother to visit. 

You watched as Rogue opened the door and slipped into your room. 

“How was detention?” Rogue asked, going and sitting down on your bed. 

“Boring,” You sighed, though you thought of the small chatter you had managed to pull out of Logan. The mention of his nightmares. 

“I felt so bad thinking about you in there because of me,” She admitted with a sigh.

You smiled and shook your head. Maybe if it had been with any other professor you would have hated it. 

“At least those assholes have been running laps for the last few combat classes,” Rogue laughed “I have to admit I like how ruthless Professor Logan is.”

You laughed, happy to hear that they had been receiving some form of punishment. You much preffered sitting in detention and chatting with Logan instead of getting screamed at to run faster for a whole class.

Before you could say anything you noticed another presence at the doorway. 

The blonde boy looked familiar, he was sheepishly standing just outside the door as if he was a vampire waiting for the invitation in. 

“Oh - this is my boyfriend.” Rogue jumped up “Bobby Drake.”

“Just Drake is fine,” He smiled happily, looking over at you but remaining just outside the door “Nice to meet you!”

“You can come in if you’d like,” You smiled at him. 

“No, no. I’m fine here. Wouldn’t want to enter a strange ladies room,” Drake spoke and you couldn’t help but to laugh at his awkward stance, and how far away he was from the both of you.

“He’s been scarred from being caught in my room one too many times,” Rogue laughed, going over to him. 

“I’ll leave you be!” She added, leaving the room and shutting the door behind her before you had a chance to say your own goodbyes. 

xx

You spotted Rogue and Drake sitting at a far off table in the dining hall at breakfast. You filled a plate with a random breakfast assortment before heading towards them.

You ignored the feeling of the vaguely familiar boy driving his shoulder into yours as you walked past, making you grip the tray your plate sat on tightly so you didn’t drop it. 

You didn’t bother to look at him as you continued to make a beeline for the table.

“Hey” You spoke softly, placing your tray down. 

“Oh hey,” Rogue returned, smiling at you before returning to her breakfast.

“Morning,” Drake piped in.

The three of you sat in comfortable silence, it obviously being too early for any real or meaningful thoughts to form. 

You watched now as the same boy sat down with a group of his friends, all awfully rowdy for this early in the morning. 

They noticed you looking and started making strange noises. 

You looked away quickly.

You pushed your food around your plate as you couldn’t shake the noises and movements coming from the boys table.

You glanced over again, noticing some were pulling out their mutations in an obvious bid to make fun of you. 

Rogue and Drake both glanced over at the table as it became hard to ignore. 

“They’re just showing off,” Rogue spoke “It’s like some people just can't help themselves.”

“Seems easy to show off for some people,” you spoke, watching as one of the boys hands sparked up, sending large surges of power upward. The room flickered with the lightning he was emitting. 

You wondered what it was like to have a tangible power. Something you felt like you could grasp, hold even. Something that probably felt like a mere muscle you could flex. Something you could control. 

You knew you took a liking to Rogue because she harboured the same animosity towards some of the people here. She seemed to know what it felt like to feel dangerous. The mutations you both held didn’t feel fun at all. It felt inescapable. Like a curse. 

Your brothers harsh words often played on your mind. 

“Well, I guess the idea of power gets to some peoples head,” Drake spoke, turning back to face the table and bringing you out of your thoughts. 

“If you aren’t trying to be in X-Men then what’s the point in trying,” Rogue rolled her eyes. 

You raised an eyebrow at the statement. “X-Men?”

“You know, with the whole X-Men team bullshit,” Rogue spoke.

“The what team bullshit?” You frowned. 

“X-Men,” Rogue repeated “You know..”

You stared at her blankly. 

“You don't know about X-Men?” Drake sat up straight as he asked. 

“Nevermind,” Rogue quickly spoke, waving her hand in dismissal. 

“I guess life is much easier without knowing,” Drake laughed, exchanging a smiling glance with Rogue. 

You looked between them and couldn’t help but feel like you were missing out on something. You didn’t know if they were messing with you or if it was some inside joke. 

You knew you were missing out on a lot of context behind mutants as living so far away from this world your whole life you had never even heard so much as the word mutant. 

You were never bothered to even learn, considering a mutant was the reason you ended up in that tiny home with your brother. 

“Easy boys,” A warm and familiar voice cut across the noise. It fell silent throughout the dining hall. 

You glanced up and saw Xavier close to your table, looking between yourself and your company.

“Professor,” Drake smiled “Nice to see you’re back.”

Xavier gave him a warm smile “Thank you Bobby.”

“Anna, alright?” Xavier asked.

Rogue smiled and nodded, the most genuine smile you had seen her give a professor. You guessed Xavier was as kind to others as he had been to you. 

“Good,” He started "Do you have a moment?” He asked, looking at you.

You nodded quickly, ignoring others watching you as you got up and followed him, leaving your untouched breakfast behind.

You followed him to a seemingly empty office, you weren’t sure if it was his or not. He gestured for you to take a seat. 

“How are you settling in?” He asked.

While he had a gentle and calm demeanour, there was an air of tension to him. You weren’t sure why you hadn’t seen him around in the last week but you also knew he wasn’t often involved in the daily happenings of what everyone was doing.

“Good,” You spoke “I’m enjoying the classes.”

He smiled softly at you at the comment. 

You were sure the pleasantries were for your benefit only, as Xavier probably knew everything you had done and been through, or what was playing on your mind. Did he see the thoughts you had about Logan? God, you hoped not. 

“Are you still finding your mutation manageable?” He asked gently.

“Well.. yeah. Better than I have before.” You started, pausing for a few moments. 

“I’m not really sure what I could be doing better.” 

“To control it?” Xavier questioned, proving that he was indeed two steps ahead of you. 

You nodded. 

“Learning to control your powers isn’t merely about restraint,” He started “It’s about understanding them.”

“Fear cannot be your only motivator.” He added.

You looked down at your lap at his words. He was right, in that fear and isolation had been the main instances in which you felt your power manifest. 

“Your prejudices are holding you back from connecting to who you are,” He continued “And to explore your abilities safely, you need to demonstrate self compassion, and understanding.”

You remained silent as he spoke.

“You’re powerful.” Xavier spoke, his tone firm now “I know that you’re capable of.”

You glanced up at him. You weren’t sure what to say as you looked at him. 

Powerful was a strong word. You didn’t feel powerful.

“Those around you can offer you more guidance than you think,” Xavier spoke warily.

You glanced back down. You weren’t entirely sure what he was referring to. Rogue? Logan? 

Xavier watched you, his expression telling that he was holding back from answering the question you were thinking. 

You didn’t think you wanted to know. 

You were impressed at the restraint Xavier showed, considering he could quite literally read your mind. It must be why he always seemed like some type of wise guru instead, answering all the questions you thought you had to face alone. 

“I’ll let you go now,” Xavier spoke after a few moments of thoughtful silence. 

You sat for a few moments, wondering if you should be asking more questions. But in all honesty, you were scared about the thought of Xavier discovering how you felt about Logan - if he hadn’t caught on already. 

“Thanks professor,” You spoke softly, standing up. 

You left the room feeling a little better than you did when you entered it. 

xx

For the next few days you found yourself focusing hard when you were in your dorm room. 

You re-discovered you could, indeed, make small objects whip around the room with a lot of concentration. 

But without being so emotionally driven you found it harder to use your powers. 

You had hesitantly brought Rogue in to help at some point with the thought of guidance Xavier had mentioned, and she was helpful in trying to push you to see what you could do. 

You could fill an empty glass partially full with water. You could make the air around her feel hot and suffocating. Or bitter and cold. You could make sounds and whispers echo around the room. 

While it felt minor compared to what you had seen others do, you felt proud to have channeled your energy into learning yourself. 

You walked down the hall after Professor Summers class, turning a corner and seeing Logan and Xavier come into sight outside his classroom. 

They were standing close, Logans body was rigid, arms were crossed tightly against his chest. A deep frown was settled on on his face as his eyes locked onto Xavier with an intense gaze. 

They were speaking in hushed tones, until Xavier suddenly looked over at you peeking from behind the wall. 

Your cheeks went red at being caught watching their private conversation. 

Logan looked at you with the same piercing gaze - something about the look in his eyes was darker, and more serious than you had seen him before. Something about his demeanour gave away the fact they had been talking about you. 

Xavier gave you a soft smile, exchanging a few last and short words with Logan before turning and heading down the opposite way. 

Logans jaw clenched as he watched you. 

You felt nervous. 

Were you in trouble? Did you do something wrong? There were a million things you were sure Xavier could have spoken to Logan about. Please, let you finding him attractive not be one of them.

You made no attempt to move toward Logan, something told you to stay away. 

You watched as Logan ripped his eyes away from yours and walked back into his classroom without a word, closing the door behind him as an obvious sign you were not welcome to talk to him. 

xx

Two classes with Logan turned into one. You wondered what you had done for one of your classes to be cut. 

It left you with a gap during your day, in which you chose to move around your schedule, pushing Professor Kittys class forward so you can call it in early. 

On one of your free afternoons as you walked back to your dorm, you caught sight of an outdoor class. 

Dummies littered the field, and thick mats were stacked on top of each other. With a glimpse of Rogues dark hair on the field, you wandered closer. 

She was absolutely kicking another girls’ ass, as you walked closer you watched as Rogue fluidly blocked every attempt at a lunge or strike towards her by a tanned brunette girl. 

Sitting on one of the benches you noticed Drake, smiling to himself as it was obvious who he was watching.

You decided to take a seat beside him.

“I’d hate to come across her on the battlefield,” you spoke honestly.

Drake laughed as he glanced over at you, “She’s incredible.”

You smiled. You did admire the difference in personalities between the two, but they seemed to really love and care about each other. 

“Are you in this class?” You questioned, noticing students scattered across the field but no professor in sight. 

“Yeah. I’m just on time out because I accidentally froze my partners’ arm.” He sighed, putting his head in his hand. 

You furrowed your eyebrows as you glanced at him again. 

“Don’t say anything, I already feel bad.” He spoke “Professor Logan was pissed.”

You sat up slightly at the mention of Logan. You should have known it was his class. 

“Where’d he go?” You asked.

“You’re not in this class,” A voice from beside you growled before Drake could respond. 

The both of you shot up quickly.

Logan had the same tense and heavy demeanour. 

“Sorry, I was just curious.” You spoke quickly. 

“Curiosity gets people killed,” Logan snapped at you.

You felt as though his anger wasn’t equal to the situation. It almost felt like a threat.

“I said I was sorry,” You frowned at him.

“You’re distracting my students,” Logan spoke angrily.

“I think you’re overreacting,” You retorted.

Drakes awkward presence seemed to serve as grounding for Logan to not get too heated.

There was a pause as Drake shifted uncomfortably beside you.

“Piss off,” Logan snapped at Drake, who was then gone in a blink of an eye. 

He really was not the best at dealing with students. In a normal school, you were sure he’d be fired ten times over.

“Did I do something?” You spoke quietly after a few moments, allowing your emotions to get the better of you. 

It hurt to feel as though Logan suddenly hated you, for no reason. You hated feeling like you had done something wrong. 

Logans features softened slightly. His body was still tense, but you could tell he was thinking something over.

“I’m just doing what i’m told,” Logan spoke, his tone was careful.

You frowned at that. 

“Is it about you talking to Professor Xavier?” You asked timidly. 

Logan didn’t answer. 

“Please-” You urged, emotions mixed between desperation to know what you could have possibly done, and sadness in thinking that two professors you thought were on your side were secretly conspiring against you. 

“It’s not you.” Logan spoke, his tone remaining reserved and his body tense. 

“Then what is it? It’s obviously not something to do with me if-” You started.

“Listen-” Logan cut you off firmly. “It’s not something you need to be worrying about.” 

You tried to hold back your frustration, skin pricking with heat. 

The air around you and Logan started to feel thick and suffocating. 

“Hey-” He spoke, his voice soft “It’s okay, kid. I promise.”

He obviously felt your frustration manifesting, and his features were soft. His hand twitched and you were almost certain he was about to comfort you. 

You watched him for a few moments before breaking your gaze and looking down at the ground. 

You exhaled deeply and slowly before turning and walking off the field. 

xx

“I’m sorry but he really did not seem to like you,” Drake spoke as the three of you sat in Rogues room. 

“He’s just lucky I wasn’t there to say something,” Rogue mumbled “What an asshole.”

You sighed as you gazed out the window, you couldn’t make sense of anything. It felt like nothing could ever just be easy. 

“I’m so over it,” You spoke, defeated as you glanced back over at the two. 

Rogue and Drake glanced at each other warily. They exchanged knowing glances a lot, and sometimes you had to pretend you didn’t know what they were silently saying. 

“Maybe we should do something fun!” Drake spoke excitedly, his tone cutting through the solemness quickly. 

“Yeah,” Rogue agreed “Have you been off site yet?” 

You shook your head. 

“Perfect,” Drake grinned, jumping up off the bed. 

“I'll meet you there.” He quipped to Rogue before heading out the door quickly.

You watched, confused and slightly concerned. 

“We’ll take you out somewhere fun.” She smiled. 

“Trust me!” She laughed as she noticed the unsure expression that crossed your face.

You did decide to trust her as she helped you rummage through your clothes to find something nice to wear. 

Though you did trust her, the process of leaving campus felt awfully.. sneaky. 

She was still all smiles as you wandered down a few streets as the sun was setting, she started skipping towards two boys standing on the corner. 

“You made it!” Drake chimed as you followed quickly behind. 

He was standing with another boy who had blonde hair and a relaxed manner to him. You smiled at him warily. 

“This is for you,” Drake spoke, handing you a small plastic card.

You looked down at it. It was a small ID card; your school ID picture, your name, and a fake birthday that claimed you as four years older than you really were. 

You cringed slightly at the thought of having to use a fake ID. 

“Does this actually work?” You questioned, glancing back up at Drake.

“Fuck yeah it does,” he laughed.

You just nodded, deciding it was too late to back out now anyway. Plus you felt more than safe going out with a bunch of mutants. 

You then thought about how this is the first time you’ve really gone out into the public since starting your new life. You never thought you’d be stepping out again as a mutant, with a little group of mutant friends no less. How quickly life can change.

You followed Drakes lead to an unassuming looking building, following them inside. 

It was dimly lit, only a few patrons scattered across the room. Across from the bar was a stage where a band seemed to be setting up, the rhythmic sound of drums being tested was a sign that music was to follow soon. 

You followed Rogue sheepishly over to the bar, the boys splitting off to a table.

“Two vodka tonics.” Rogue hummed to the bartender.

“ID’s” The younger bartender didn’t seem suspicious, somewhat aloof to the situation. 

You both handed over the IDs. 

You felt nervous at the thought of being thrown out.

He barely glanced back up at you before handing your ID back and starting on your drinks.

You both happily made your way over to the others and took a seat at the table beside the stranger Drake had brought along. 

“I’m Sam,” He spoke kindly. 

You greeted him with your name.

“Enjoying things so far?” He questioned.

You smiled and nodded, taking a sip of your drink. You hadn’t really been a big drinker considering how strict your brother had been growing up.

“Better than I expected,” You admitted.

The four of you indulged in conversation and drinks, gossiping about other students, professors and general interests - music, movies, subject preferences. They were good company you had to admit, and the band that started up in the background wasn’t too bad either. The place slowly filled with a few more people.

At your fourth drink, and first shot, you made a break to the bathroom. Slipping away with only a glance at Rogue to gesture where you were going, you went into the bathroom and stabilized yourself on one of the sinks.

Not entirely drunk, but tipsy enough to know you should quit while you’re ahead. The last shot so kindly provided by Sam still burned at the back of your throat. 

You sighed, glancing into the mirror. The feeling of being drunk was uncomfortable, as it ran in the same vein of being out of control. What if you accidentally used your powers? What if you lost control in public?

You tried to shake the thoughts out of your head, rubbing your hands over your face before taking a few deep breaths then smoothing out your hair. You were certain the others were looking out for you if anything like that happened. Maybe one more drink couldn't hurt?

You slipped out of the bathroom, pushing through a few people to head over to the bar before you noticed an unusually familiar presence. 

His broad shoulders and back faced you as your eyes went wide. You watched him for a few moments. He was alone, head hanging as he looked at something you couldn't see. 

Quickly Logans’ head shot up and to the side, as if he could sense you were there, making you stumble back into the crowd. 

You couldn’t imagine his reaction to seeing you there. The mere thought of his anger made you nervous.

You rushed back to the table, where the others were laughing loudly.

“We have to go!” You rushed out urgently “We have to go!” 

Your obviously panicked tone made Rogue alert immediately, and it took a few moments for the other two to catch up.

“He’s fucking here.” You rushed, the anxiety and alcohol was not a good mix. 

“Who?” Rogue spoke quickly.

“Fucking Logan!” You squeaked “I think he saw me!”

At the mention of the name, their eyes went wide and suddenly it was a scramble to gather their things and push through the crowd. 

You were the first to be pushing through the crowd, sure that the others were hot on your heels. 

“Oh fuck-” You heard Rogue snap.

You glanced behind and saw Logan pushing through some people after her. 

“Go!” Drake urged you.

You didn’t waste any time, dashing out the door. 

You didn’t stop as you ran down the street, hearing another set of footsteps following close behind until you noticed Sam was running alongside you. You had to admit, the adrenaline of running away from getting caught by Logan was something else. 

You both ran until the school was back in sight, fuelled by adrenaline and alcohol. 

You slowed down, panting heavily.

Sam slowed down, breathing heavily before resorting to gently throwing himself onto the green lawn of the school grounds, rolling to a stop and laying on his back. 

You both broke out in laughter. 

You parted ways from Sam with hushed goodbyes, quietly and quickly walking back to your room. 

Admittedly, you had to throw up when you got in. Something about running made your stomach churn, but felt more than better as you slipped into bed.

You felt nervous for Rogue and Drake.

Chapter Text

You knocked on Rogues door gently, slipping in timidly after a gentle welcome in. 

She looked surprisingly well rested. 

“I’ve come for the debrief.” You spoke, feigning an awkward half smile in an attempt to gauge if she was in the mood or not after you abandoned her at the mercy of Logan.

You felt relieved as she laughed and patted the spot next to her on the bed. You went over and sat down beside her.

“Not as bad as you think, actually,” She spoke lightly.

“Really?” You spoke, genuinely surprised. 

“Really,” She confirmed “Scary - but it wasn’t as I would have thought.”

“Yeah? What did he say?” You urged.

“Well.. we got lectured. Fake IDs taken.” She sighed at that. 

“Did he see me and Sam?” You pressed. 

“No - but, he did ask about you. He kept asking me if you were with us, and I kept saying no. Actually, he was pretty angry until he believed that you weren't with us,” She spoke. 

You frowned at that. Was he only angry with you? If you had been there, would they have had a bigger punishment?

“What's his problem,” You groaned suddenly, letting your thoughts escape you.

“Yeah..” She said slowly “I hate to make you feel worse, but I swear he has it out for you.”

You sighed again and lay down on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. 

“So no detention? Punishment?” You questioned her, glancing over.

“None of the above.” She said.

 “He did say if he ever saw us out again we’d be in big trouble. So I guess we’ll be avoiding where Logan frequents,” She laughed. 

You hummed at that, looking back at the ceiling. You thought about Logan sitting at the bar. You could have sworn he just knew you were there. 

“Was he with anyone?” You asked, sitting up on your elbows now. 

Rogue nodded slightly. 

“He was with Professor Jean.” She spoke.

You furrowed your eyebrows as you thought. You weren’t sure you had a class with her - but certain you had seen her around. 

“Red hair?” You asked.

“Yeah.” Rogue confirmed. 

“I heard they were in a bit of a situationship.” She chimed “Seemed tense.”

You couldn’t help but frown at that, a pang of jealousy in the pit of your stomach. You knew you had a crush on him, sure - he was attractive but you were also sure many many other students could agree with that. It was the confusion that got you hooked. The looks and glances, him seeming to care, then not at all. Avoiding you then asking about where you were. 

“Situationship?” You blurted out “Isn't he a bit..old..to be caught up in a situationship?”

Rogue laughed at that.

“I don't think he’d call it that,” she said “I heard her and Professor Logan were.. y’know”

“Dating-” You said.

“Fucking-” Rogue spoke at the same time. 

You looked at each other before Rogue started laughing loudly. You would have found it funny too but instead you felt the same twist in your stomach. You did not need to know that. Part of you hoped it wasn’t true. 

“I don’t think they’re dating,” Rogue said when she settled down.

“I heard she’s been getting with Professor Summers,” Rogue added.

“How do you even know any of this?” You questioned, laying back down on the bed and looking up at the ceiling. You hoped Rogue had bullshit sources, or she was right about Professor Jean and Summers. 

“I saw her and Professor Summers on a date, and they’re always eating lunch in each others’ classrooms.” She spoke.

“And what about her and Professor Logan?” You quizzed.

“I mean..” she started slowly “he’s very known to be a bit.. ran through.”

You let out a loud whine at that as if to indicate you hated both the thought, and the term ‘ran through.’

“Are you seriously telling me Professor Logan is a slut?” You sat up properly now.

“It’s just what I've heard!” She laughed, putting her hands up defensively.

“I don’t want to hear any more of this,” you winced, throwing one of her small decorative pillows towards her lightly and letting out a strained laugh.

You were trying to play it off as you found the thought of Logans’ sex life disturbing - but admittedly you felt borderline crushed.

“I have to go get some stuff done,” You spoke as you stood up now, aware that it wasn’t a very good excuse.

“See you later, glad you’re still alive.” You added, leaving her room before she could question you.

xx

You didn’t see Logan for two weeks. His classes had been cancelled for the time being.

Drake informed you that he’d accepted a request from Xavier to help out with some situation. You guessed with the Professors disappearing and reappearing frequently it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence - being told that there were, in fact, always active threats, and new mutants who needed to be recruited just like you had. 

You thought about Logan often, you had to admit. 

Without noticing, having a little crush seemed to make you enjoy doing certain things. Class was more interesting when you got to stare at him. Getting ready in the morning had felt extra exciting. 

Without the drama of having Logan around, you also almost felt foolish about said crush. He was a Professor, had a lot of life experience, knowledge, and well.. had a lot of sex. Apparently. Ugh. 

Though you did recall the mention of his nightmares, and his own admission to sleeping alone. You used that as reassurance to yourself that maybe it was just rumours. 

Sam had started joining the table with you, Rogue and Drake. 

You found he was also in another one of your classes, and it was nice to be friendly with another person. When you were in the group, or with Sam in your class, they acted like a shield against others who seemed to want to poke fun at you.

You noticed when just you and Rogue were together, the boys liked to harass and jeer at you. You both cited it as misogyny. 

When Logan finally returned, he seemed a bit more relaxed. 

You eyed him up as you walked into class, and for the first time you’d been here he was already sitting at his desk.

“Nice holiday?” You remarked as you passed, smiling at the glare he shot you before walking up the few steps and sitting down in your seat.

Without seating arrangements, the class seemed to gravitate to sitting in the same places for most classes.

“I need to speak with you after class,” Logans’ firm tone made you wince, regretting poking fun at him. 

You just nodded but he didn’t look up from what he was looking at. 

You sat alone, listening intently and scribbling things down. It was hard to not let your mind wander. 

You remained seated as the rest of the class filed out, watching as Logan went and took a seat at his desk. 

You stared at each other now, Logans’ arms moving to cross tightly against his chest. 

“I know you were there,” He spoke simply.

You sat quiet for a few moments, thinking through what he meant until you realised he was talking about being at the bar.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You spoke quietly.

The air to Logan was intimidating, his body stiff and unmoving, obviously unimpressed.

“Don’t play dumb, bub.” He spoke firmly.

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat. 

The only good thing was the time between when you saw him last at the bar and now was a good couple weeks; meaning the brunt of Logans’ anger about the situation must have dissipated. 

“You’re lucky nothin’ bad happened,” He spoke firmly. 

“I can understand bein’ young, but do you get how dangerous it is?” He added, keeping his arms folded across his chest tightly. 

“Log- Professor.. I swear, I wasn’t there. Even if I was, I don’t think it’s unusual for people to go out.” You spoke, stuttering as his first name almost slipped out naturally.

“You don’t know what’s out there,” Logan urged “Or who.”

You felt nervous at the last statement. 

Thinking through the real weight of what he said, you wondered why he had been at the bar in the first place. 

Was he just being dramatic? Or was there a bigger picture?

“What are you saying?” You asked, voice still quiet. 

“I’m saying what I'm saying,” Logan spoke. 

“Does everything have to be a big secret?” You spoke.

“There’s no secrets,” Logans’ tone didn’t falter at the question “There’s a big difference between secrets, and only involving people on a need to know basis.”

You huffed out frustration. 

“Then why do you care!” You spoke quickly, voice strained as if you were about to raise your voice. 

“I’m warning you,” Logan growled, his voice was dark and his lips curled as if he was baring his teeth at you, leaning forward slightly as he spoke.

You inhaled sharply. He was definitely scary when he wanted to be.

“Well, thanks for the warning,” you mumbled quietly, deterred from speaking any louder.

You were upset again, and the longer you thought about it, the more you were upset that Logan would intimidate you like that. 

You shoved your things in your bag, putting it over your shoulder and heading out the classroom without sparing him another glance. 

xx

You channeled some of your frustration into progressing what you knew about your powers. 

Controlling objects was the easiest to work on as it was tangible, as if you could almost feel the weight of the object as you lifted it. 

Getting ready in the morning got a little easier, summoning objects and switching lights off when you needed to became handy. You wondered if other mutants used their powers for simple and silly things. 

The physical manifestations were more difficult to get a grasp on. The simple daydreams, nightmares and feelings still warped into manifestations in small ways, making it harder to get a grasp of what you were really in control of. The lines were blurred and you didn’t know how to unblur them. 

“Maybe if you tried.. meditation or something?” Drake chimed from where he sat at your desk, doodling on one of your workbooks.

It took a lot of convincing to get Drake in your room, Rogue having to shake a bag of popcorn to lure him in as if he were a dog.

“Why do you two girls get your own rooms?” Sam piped up from his seat on the ground, legs stretched out and more than comfortable. 

“Well, it’s probably because we’re more important than you,” Rogue smiled at Sam who rolled his eyes. 

“Seriously- I have two other guys in my room. One of them is like, twelve. He’s so freaky too I swear he’s-“ Sam started but Rogue cut him off.

“Okay, we actually don’t care.” Rogue started “We were in the middle of something.” 

Sam threw the closest object at her.

“I’m sick of focusing so much today,” you sighed, sitting down on your bed beside Rogue. 

They had been watching you try to focus your manifestations for close to an hour; the only thing you had managed to do was make the room a little humid. 

“You’re doing well! It’s not like we get a how-to-use your mutation training book,” Drake comforted “I accidentally freeze things all the time.” 

“I’ve slipped up more times than I can count,” Sam joined in. 

“And Rogue almost killed Professor Logan,” Drake chimed in, cheery as if that wasn’t a very surprising fact. 

Your head instinctively snapped over towards Rogue at that. 

“Oh- yeah, well.” Rogue seemed to stumble over her words.

“Yeah, remember when you and Logan-“ Sam started but Rogue quickly cut him off.

“Yes,” She hissed “Thank you, guys.” 

She was avoiding your eyes as you sat still and shocked at the admission. 

She had never mentioned anything about Logan beyond a simple story. Did she lie to you? Why wouldn’t she tell you something like that?

“Sorry,” Drake spoke up, noticing the obvious shift in energy in the room. 

“Rogue, I-“ Sam started but she abruptly got up, leaving the room quickly. 

Drake shot up and followed her out just as fast. 

You were confused, both concerned about the story and how upset Rogue seemed to be at the mention of it. 

You glanced over at Sam who remained sitting on the floor with a wary expression. 

“What was that about?” You questioned, and Sam seemed to wince at his part in upsetting Rogue. 

“I really shouldn’t speak for her about the story..” Sam started slowly, taking no convincing to continue.

“But when she first came in she was found in Logans’ room using her powers on him until he was half dead.” Sam spoke.

Your eyes widened at that. You withheld any judgement as your mind raced through the questions you had. 

“What? Why?” You spoke quickly. 

“She said she was helping him with something. They used to be…close.” Sam spoke slowly.

You felt your jealousy bubbling up quickly again at the word close. How close? You weren’t aware they had more of a history than she had ever let on. 

“Close?” You spoke out loud. 

“Yeah.” Sam confirmed. 

Your mind temporarily went blank, having so many questions you could almost think of none. 

But, the mere thought of the fact they had once been so close made you writhe with jealousy. What connection did they have that made them close? Why do they seem to hate each other now? 

“How long ago was it?” You questioned.

“In first year.” Sam spoke. 

“I wonder why she never mentioned it to me,” You said quietly. 

“Yeah, well, apparently she had a little crush on him, so,” Sam said, “Don’t tell her I said that,” He added quickly.

You just nodded at that, sure that even if you brought it up again it would be awkward for the both of you. 

Of course she had had a crush on Logan. 

“I swear everyone likes to keep secrets here,” You sighed. 

You had been friendly enough with Sam for a while, enough to feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings out loud. 

“Yeah..” Sams’ voice was sympathetic. 

“I guess we all come here with some baggage. I don’t doubt you’re keeping secrets too,” Sam smiled at an obvious attempt at cheering you up.

You gave him a half-hearted smile, glancing down at your lap. 

You suppose you had some secrets, though it didn’t feel like you were withholding anything. You just didn’t like talking about it. It’s not like anyone really asked how you got there, or about your family. To be fair, you hadn’t really asked either. 

“I’m an open book!” Sam chimed, cutting through the silence. 

You laughed now, allowing your mind to temporarily take a break from all the questioning. 

xx

The next day felt tense. 

The four of you sat together at breakfast, but not a lot was said. 

Then, after classes, the four of you sat outside on the lawn but not a lot was said then either. 

Well - Sam and Drake lead the conversations cluelessly, Rogue smiling and nodding along occasionally. 

But you could tell. 

The continued silence from Rogue around the story made the small seed of bitterness grow into something bigger within you. 

Why wasn’t she talking to you about it?

You knew there could be a very reasonable explanation, and it's not like she knows you have a bit of an infatuation with Logan but, still. 

You were friends werent you?

“Seriously, I woke up this morning and that boy who i’m rooming with was changing the time on my alarm clock,” Sam spoke “He’s seriously freaking me out. I feel like, that’s unusually sinister.”

“I’m going to head back to my room, i’m not feeling too good,” Rogue piped up, getting up before anyone could react.

“Alright-” Drake spoke, but she left before he could continue. 

The three of you glanced at each other.

“Is she alright?” You asked Drake timidly.

“Yeah, I think so.” Drake frowned a bit, watching as Rogue disappeared through the large marble doors and back inside. 

“She didn’t have a lot to say today. I think i’ve spoken more today than I have this whole year,” Sam chimed.

“She was pretty upset last night.” Drake spoke sheepishly.

You and Sam fell silent again.

You couldn't help but feel selfish about your feelings of jealousy, and wanting to desperately know what happened when it obviously still affected her. Whatever it was.

“Sorry, man. I didn’t mean to make it worse.” Sam spoke softly.

“She’ll be alright.” Drake shrugged.

“Is she mad at me?” You blurted out.

Drake frowned slightly and Sam laughed at you.

“No!” Drake spoke “I just think she’s sensitive about me telling people about the times she almost killed people.”

“Times?” Sam quizzed, but Drake ignored him.

“If anything she’s mad at me,” Drake mumbled, glancing back over at the doors Rogue had gone through.

You nodded, glancing down at the unusually green grass.

“Were you dating when it happened?” You spoke, glancing back up at Drake who was still looking across the lawn.

He shook his head. 

“No, I had a crush on her though,” he laughed.

“Well, she was very nice back then,” Sam hummed, nodding along as if he was agreeing with something.

You frowned at Sam slightly at that. 

“What!” Sam exclaimed at the look you were giving him “I mean, y’know. Less.. edgy.” 

“Well, I guess that's what happens when you sponge up Logan of all people.” Drake spoke, glancing out into the distance again.

“You mean, it like.. lingers? When she absorbs their powers?” You questioned curiously. 

“Yeah. She never really was able to shake it.” Drake spoke timidly now, obviously feeling guilty about talking about Rogue while she wasn’t present. 

Silence fell over the three of you again.

You glanced back down at the ground, running your fingers through the grass and gently tugging at it mindlessly.

It was the first time you really understood what Rogues’ powers were. You wondered what Rogue knew about Logan that nobody else did. 

xx

You retired to your room earlier than usual, finding it too hard to be energized enough to talk to Sam and Drake without Rogue there to shut them up. 

You lay on top of your blankets and read comfortably on your bed, slowly allowing your eyes to slip shut before the sun had even set.

It was confusing to wake up in the pitch black. For a few moments you forgot what had happened. Sitting up slowly now, you heard chatter outside your door.

While the sound of hushed talking in the hallway wasn’t unusual, you could hear Logans’ distinct tone close to your door.  

You couldn’t help but slowly get out of bed and quietly walk over to where your door sat slightly ajar in hopes of seeing who he was talking to. 

You peeked out your bedroom door carefully. 

There was a tall and dark shadow cast across it, and the presence of it felt oppressive to you. 

You heard quiet voices chatting, and the low tone of Logans’ growling voice. 

The scene felt familiar. 

Slowly, you got an eerie feeling that overwhelmed your senses. Goosebumps quickly formed on your skin, and a sense of impending doom washed over you. Your skin pricked with heat, making you stumble backward instinctively.

You stumbled over your shoes you had carelessly kicked off earlier, and you tried to grab onto the heavy oak dresser for quick stability but ended up pulling it down with you.

The crash of it was loud in juxtaposition of the quiet night, but the sound of your head hitting the metal frame of your bed as you fell backward was louder.

You heard your name being spoken, but it sounded distant. 

Your hand flew up to your head now as it pulsed, the sharp pain from where you had hit your head scrambled your thoughts even more.

The tall figure pushed the door open, and looking up towards Logans’ shadowy figure made his height feel overbearing. 

Your breath caught in your throat, it felt like the second part of a familiar nightmare. The one where the mutant killed you along with your parents.

“Hey- are you alright? Shit-” 

Your head felt wet, and your eyes were now squeezed shut but you could see the flickering of the lights through your eyelids. 

“Fuck- go get help,” You heard, another large hand resting on top of yours now. 

Your ears were ringing so loudly, you almost didn’t hear the lightbulb bursting until the room went pitch black again. 

“Rogue!” Logan called out desperately.

Chapter Text

You were alone when you woke up. 

Your eyelids felt heavy, and it took a little extra time and effort for them to open. Your vision was hazy, trying to glance around to take in your surroundings but the harsh overhead light just made the room seem to glow. 

You closed your eyes again, resigning to the fact your vision was so blurry, your head ached and your throat was dry. 

You didn’t know how much longer it had been that you were in and out of falling back to sleep until you felt a gentle touch on your arm. 

You blinked your eyes open, seeing a tall figure leaning over you, checking your vitals. 

You just watched her until your vision came right, seeing the red-headed woman smiling at you softly. 

You both didn’t say anything, but she brought a gentle hand to the side of your face as she watched you before pulling away. 

“She’s awake,” Jean spoke softly. You heard her footsteps travel to the other side of the room.

You turned your head slightly, a dull ache radiating down your neck. 

You looked at Logan as he shot up quickly from the seat nearby. His demeanour was as tense as usual, but his features were soft, eyebrows knitted together with worry. 

The way he was looking at you made you almost think you didn’t have your eyes open. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything, mostly due to the fact your throat felt so dry you didn’t think you’d be able to get a word out. That, and your mind was still hazy about what had happened. 

“Hey, kid. How’re you feeling?” Logan spoke, his voice soft. 

“Could be better,” You spoke slowly, voice hoarse.

Logan smiled a very soft and sincere smile, moving closer to your side.

“Had us worried there for a moment,” He added, voice strained.

He had rested a hand on your bed, gently thumbing the corner of the sheet that covered you. He seemed anxious. 

You blinked, trying to get a glance at your surroundings now. 

It very much resembled a hospital room, or maybe the sick bay at your old school, but a little more clinical. 

There was a soft rhythmic beeping, and you were now aware part of the heavy feeling on your head was the soft padding of a thick bandage. You moved your hand up and touched at it gently, your brain and body seem to be far slower than usual. 

Logans’ gentle laugh confused you, and you suddenly hoped that you didn’t look like an idiot. Or worse, ugly. 

“You’re still comin’ off some strong stuff,” Logan remarked, eyes trained intently on you - noticing your slow movements. 

You hummed in response, letting your hand drop back down and your unusually heavy eyelids seem to slip shut on their own.

You felt Logan lean over slightly, heat radiating from his body. 

You felt a feather light touch on your cheek, a large hand close and caressing your face gently.

You couldn’t seem to get your eyelids to open again even at the touch, the idea of sleep already pulling you back in. 

You thought of the way Logan looked at you as you drifted back to sleep. 

Waking up again, this time with a deep inhale, you felt far more alert. 

You blinked your eyes open, half expecting to see Logan still standing over you as you quickly recalled your clouded memories of only a few hours ago. 

Instead as you turned your head, you spotted Rogue sitting in the chair beside you.

She perked up as you made eye contact, obvious worry taking over her features. 

“Do I look terrible?” You spoke after a few moments, voice croaky. 

Rogue laughed, the tension dropping from her shoulders.

“No,” Rogue spoke, standing up and close to your side now “You look really good for someone who basically split their head open.”

You groaned softly, hand moving back up to the bandage on the side of your head and feeling it again gently. 

“That’s so embarrassing,” You mumbled, mostly to yourself.

“How are you feeling?” Rogue asked gently. 

“I feel.. tired,” you spoke truthfully “Head’s a little sore.”

Rogue nodded, leaning over slightly to look over the bandage. 

“They patched you up really well. You’ve been out for a couple days,” Rogue added the second part rather hesitantly. 

“What?” You frowned “Days?”

“Yeah,” Rogue sighed softly. 

“What happened?” You asked, only half knowing the answer. The last thing you could remember was Logan coming into your room.

“You fell and knocked yourself out. Cut your head open on your bed frame,” Rogue spoke. 

You nodded slightly, thinking over what you could remember as Rogue fell silent. 

“I can’t lie, it was really scary.” Rogue spoke quietly “I don’t think i’ve seen that much blood come out of someone without a fight.”  

“We were worried sick,” She added.

You winced a bit at the sound of it, feeling bad that she and Logan of all people had been there to witness it. You weren’t sure how you’d even react if you found someone bleeding out.

“Sorry,” You spoke softly.

Rogue laughed again and shook her head.

“Don’t be silly. I’m glad I was there.” Rogue smiled at you gently. 

“Sam and Drake have been asking to visit but I figured you didn’t want to be disturbed yet,” Rogue spoke. 

You laughed a little at that.

“I don’t need my peace to be disturbed yet,” you spoke honestly, not sure if you were in the right space to listen to their chatter. 

“I’ll let them know you’re awake anyway,” Rogue spoke.

You glanced behind Rogue as the metal door silently swung open, seeing Logan walk in. He seemed surprised, having not expected to see another person in there besides you.

You must have noticeably perked up, as Rogue followed your eyes and glanced behind herself and at him. 

You glanced between them, as they silently exchanged a strange look.

You then felt a familiar twist in your stomach, remembering the drama that had gone down before you’d landed in here. 

They were both noticeably tense, Rogue shifting away from your side. 

Logan looked away from Rogue, glancing at the ground as he walked over towards you as if he was indicating he wasn’t interested in talking to her. 

“I’ll come back later,” Rogue spoke, already retreating towards the door. 

She flashed you a smile before turning and leaving quietly. 

You didn’t want to think about what had happened, or why they were acting so weird right now, focusing instead on hoping you didn’t look as bad as you thought you did. 

“Hey,” Logan spoke softly. 

“Hi,” You returned. 

“Good to see you’re up,” Logan flashed you a small smile.

He looked a lot softer than usual, but you couldn’t tell if it was just because he wasn’t scowling. It made him look a lot younger - his brown hair was styled in a very cute manner, his plain white shirt slightly wrinkled. It was unusual to see him so unguarded. 

“I feel a lot better,” You spoke softly.

You shifted slightly now, making a move to sit up. 

Logan stepped towards you quickly, his hand gentle on your back as he helped you shift.

His hand felt very warm through your shirt. 

You glanced down and realized you were wearing generic looking sweatpants and a plain matching dark gray shirt.

You cringed at the thought of someone changing you; deciding not to think about it too much and pretended maybe someone had the mutant power of changing people's clothes or something.

“Jeans’ been looking after you,” Logan commented as if answering your thought.

You glanced back at him and noticed he was closely watching you, moving his hand away from you now but remaining close to your bedside. 

“Oh” You spoke softly, though it didn’t make you feel any better about your change of clothes. 

“Thanks for helping me. You’re the last thing I remember,” You spoke, your tone light.

Logan furrowed his eyebrows, eyes trained on you as the humour seemed to be lost on him. The deeply worried expression, much like Rogues, was a little unsettling. You guessed it had been scarier to witness than to be the one that passed out. 

“Sorry if I…” Logan started “upset you..”

You frowned at that. You sat silently for a few moments and thought about what he was even apologising for. 

Logan shifted uncomfortably, evident that he didn’t apologise often. 

“For what?” You asked. 

“For the last time we spoke,” Logan said. 

You sat quietly again, your brain not in great working condition as you tried to think back about what your last conversation had been.

“Oh..” You recalled “it’s alright,” 

You weren’t really sure how to feel. 

Logan was strange about everything, it made you unsure about where you stood with him and your feelings about him. It felt like he was hiding things, avoiding things, and dragging you along into some confusing situations. 

“Did some reflecting while you thought I was dead?” You joked lightly. 

Logan didn’t seem to like it, the usual frown quickly appearing on his face but he glanced down at the ground as to avoid your eyes. 

You felt bad, realising that may have been the case. 

“No.. I just-” Logan spoke, glancing back up at you once his expression had softened again.

“Yeah. I just.. yeah.” Logan continued.

You watched him, slightly confused as he spoke. He was clearly struggling to get anything out, and it was almost amusing. 

“I’m just joking,” You spoke softly to put him out of his misery. 

Logan gave you a short nod in response. 

“Do you need anything?” Logan spoke quickly as to shake his own awkward tension.

You shook your head. 

“Are you sure?” He asked softly.

“I’m alright” You said. 

Logan nodded again. He stood quietly, shamelessly watching you with the same worried expression. 

You couldn’t help but like it, as it was such a different pace from what you were used to with him. 

“You can sit if you want,” You said.

It seemed like he struggled with his words, but it felt as though he liked being present. 

Confirming your thoughts, he nodded slightly again and sat down in the chair nearby. 

You situated yourself a bit better, propping pillows up behind yourself to sit up more comfortably.

You glanced back at Logan who was at the edge of his seat, looking like he was about to jump up again to help you. 

“I appreciate you visiting,” You said. 

“It's the least I could do,” Logan said “You’re pretty tough, kid.”

You were slightly surprised at the statement.

“Tough?” You laughed. 

“Yeah. I’ve seen a lot of bad recoveries in my time. Head trauma ain’t no joke.” Logan stated. 

“Well, I was passed out for most of it. I can’t give myself too much credit.” You smiled. 

Logan let out a small breath, an indication of a laugh. 

“Jean told me your mind never stopped for a second.” Logan spoke. 

“What?” You said.

“She said you were working to heal yourself from the inside out. Some kind of mental… regeneration.” Logan spoke, seeming to struggle to find the right words for it.

You frowned, as you don’t remember anything - only darkness. 

“You were also projecting some of the trauma onto whoever went in to read your mind. Or whoever was standing too close.” Logan spoke, and he laughed to himself at the thought. 

“Wait, what?” You frowned still, you couldn’t really wrap your head around what that meant.

“Yeah, it was pretty funny.” Logan admitted, smiling slightly to himself. 

“I didn’t know I could do that,” You spoke quietly, mostly thinking out loud. 

It was slightly scary thinking about the fact your mind could be more powerful than you were even aware of. 

You did feel suspiciously fine for how serious the incident seemed to be, all your memories were intact - only the few hours leading up to it were still hazy. You wondered what projecting trauma looked like in this case, and you hoped it didn’t mean you were hurting people who were trying to help you. 

“Did I hurt anyone?” You asked, following your thoughts. 

Logan gave you a fleeting look, that indicated that you may have, but he quickly shook his head. 

“Don’t lie to me,” You spoke “tell me.”

“It’s not like you did it on purpose.” Logan said. 

“Please, Logan.” You stated softly.

Logan shifted slightly in his seat, eyes darting around the room for a brief moment before looking back at you.

“Gave me one hell of a headache, I'll tell you that.” Logan started lightly.

“It was just Jean and Xavier,” He spoke “They had to take turns checking in on you. Looked like some kind of mental warfare when they did.”

You cringed at the thought of it.

“Kitty came in to see you. Gave her a bit of a headache too.” Logan spoke “Had to fix the lights in here a couple times.”

You could tell Logan was putting everything very lightly so as to not make you feel bad. 

“Alright, I've heard enough.” You spoke, shaking your head now. 

No wonder why Rogue and Logan seemed so genuinely concerned. You were a nightmare to deal with even unconscious. 

Logan got up, moving to your bedside again.

“Don’t feel bad, bub.” Logan spoke, taking your hand gently on his own and rubbing his thumb over your knuckles. 

“We’ve seen worse here. I’m impressed more than anything.” He spoke.

His features were still soft and relaxed, his hand was gentle despite the obvious strength he carried. You watched your hands, feeling a little excited at the connection. You’d never found hand holding so thrilling before. 

It was interesting to see this side of him, and to know he did in fact have more than one emotion. 

Logan stood in silence, both of you seeming to take in the moment as you watched your hands. 

Before you could form a thought, Logan dropped your hand quickly. 

The door behind him then opened slowly, you glanced up and watched as Jean stepped into the room with a soft and sympathetic smile. 

“I heard you were awake.” Jean spoke, moving towards you now but going to check your vitals again.

You glanced at Logan who was awkwardly retreating from the room. He flashed you a tight smile before leaving without another word. 

Jean glanced toward the door as Logan left. 

xx

You spent close to another week recovering, and the bandage on your head was downsized slowly until you were left with just a few stitches at the back of your head.

You had some short and sweet conversations with Jean, though they mostly revolved around shared aspects of your powers. She was nice, but you had a festering grudge at the fact she may or may not have, or was, seeing Logan. You felt bad about it, but couldn’t help it. 

Rogue sat with you most days, though the conversation of her and Logan was never mentioned again. It was eating at you still, but you thought you’d wait until it came up again naturally. You enjoyed her company.

Logan didn’t visit you again. 

Xavier didn’t either, so you pretended Logan didn’t come back because they were off somewhere again.

You couldn’t have been happier by the time you were allowed to go back to your own room. The feeling of being monitored got old, and you wanted to sleep in your own bed again. 

You walked in and chucked your bag down, it was filled with a few personal things Rogue had brought you while you stayed there. 

Everything sat as if nothing had ever happened. Your oak dresser was upright, and the bed that took you out sat innocently. Not a drop of blood to be seen. You were grateful about that.

Something on your desk caught your eye.

There was a small vase with fresh flowers, a cute assortment of whites and reds. You couldn’t tell if it was made by someone with good knowledge of flower arranging, or if it had just been taken from around the gardens. 

You walked closer, picking up the note that was propped up against the vase.

For your recovery. Logan 

You couldn’t help but immediately grin like an idiot, feeling a little giddy at the thought of Logan leaving you flowers. He was definitely bad with words, but his actions spoke pretty loudly to you. 

xx

“Secret admirer, huh?” Sam teased, gently touching one of the red roses. 

“Something like that.” You laughed, grateful that you had put the note in your bedside table. 

“I think it was just Jean, or Xavier.” You lied.

The four of you were back in your room again, Rogue sitting on the bed and playing on a gameboy she had recently acquired, Drake studying your floor where you had fallen as if he was trying to find any remnants of what had happened. 

Sam sat at your desk, looking over the flowers in thought. 

“I heard the clean up was pretty bad,” Drake spoke, looking up from the ground he was inspecting. 

“Drake!” Rogue snapped at him.

“I mean- sorry. I’m just surprised! You would never think anything ever happened!” Drake spoke defensively. 

You couldn't help but laugh at that, peeking over the end of the bed from where you sat and at the ground. 

“I thought the same thing,” You admitted. 

“Makes you wonder what else has happened in our rooms we’d never know about,” Drake spoke slowly.

“Woah, a bit morbid don't you think.” Sam laughed as he finally glanced over at the two of you. 

“What! Crazy shit happens here all the time,” Drake spoke defensively again.

“I’m just glad people heard me falling or i’d have died just bleeding out in here.” You spoke.

“Jeez.” Sam spoke.

“And you said I'm morbid.” Drake laughed, glancing over at Sam. 

“I’m glad you didn’t bleed out.” Sam spoke, standing up and walking over to you before sitting down closely beside you. 

“I think we’re all glad,” Rogue spoke, not looking up from the gameboy but kicking Sam gently with her outstretched leg. 

“Seriously! It was harder for me- us, we weren’t even allowed to visit.” Sam spoke as he looked at you. 

“Probably better you didn’t anyway. I heard I was a bit of a menace even when I was out cold.” You smiled.

“I mean..” Sam started but got distracted at Drake crawling across the floor and over to Rogue. You watched as Drake tried pulling the gameboy out of Rogues hands. 

“If you’re as powerful as you are when you’re awake, I'm not surprised.” Sam continued.

You smiled at that, glancing down at your lap. 

You looked back over at Rogue and Drake as they were both rustling around and tugging at the gameboy, shoving at each other gently.

“Should we go out somewhere again? Offsite?” Sam piped up over the sound of Rogue and Drake swearing at each other. 

“Are you sure that's a good idea?” you spoke.

“Probably not.” Sam spoke.

“I think we should wait a little longer.” Drake piped up, Rogue snatching the gameboy back off him.

“We can just get dinner or something! Not everythings’ about alcohol guys.” Sam spoke.

“I don’t want to get dinner with you in the dining hall, let alone offsite.” Rogue spoke.

“I’m with her on this one.” Drake spoke.

“Take the survivor out!” Drake piped up now, excitedly pointing at you. 

“I don’t know about that.” You spoke.

You weren’t sure if it was a good idea considering Logans’ last warning, and the fact it felt a little too intimate and date-like for your liking. 

“C’mon!” Sam said, “We can go somewhere fun.”

“I’ll think about it,” you laughed, finding his enthusiasm entertaining. 

You guessed he was fun company, but going out somewhere alone with him you weren’t sure about. You didn’t want to give him any type of non friendly impression. 

“I’ll take that as a maybe,” Sam smiled at you. 

xx

You still had only one class with Logan, and when you returned things were weird again. 

You lingered around towards the end of your first class back, but Logan didn’t seem to pay you any mind as he sorted himself. 

He didn’t look up either as you left the classroom last.

Talk about leaving you high and dry.

It was desperately confusing, and you found yourself hanging out at Rogues combat class during your free period in hopes of talking to him again.

You sat on the bench, eyes scanning the wide field. You tried to make out you were there to laugh at Drake as Rogue effortlessly took him down, but your eyes were trained on Logan as he wandered around, watching other students. 

It wasn’t until he came closer you locked eyes, Logan accidentally bumping into another student at the sight of you there. 

You couldn't help but to perk up, flashing him a small smile. 

He glanced away from you, instead changing his direction over to where some extra equipment was laying around. 

You were surprised he wasn’t even going to tell you off for being there. 

You hesitated as you watched him pick up and stack thin mats on top of each other. 

You got up, walking over to Logan. 

“Thanks for the flowers,” You spoke quietly once you were close enough, desperate for him to acknowledge it. 

Logan didn’t say anything, continuing to stack a few rather large looking mats on top of each other with ease. 

You felt a small sweep of sadness as he ignored you. 

“I feel a lot better now,” You tried. 

“Glad to hear it,” Logan spoke, still not turning to look at you.

You shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what to say. 

“So you only care about people when you think they’re about to die?” you spoke abruptly. 

Logan then turned to look at you, frowning. His eyes were dark with both obvious anger and hurt.

“You don’t know nothin’, kid.” Logan snapped at you now.

“I’m not gettin’ myself caught up in whatever this is.” He added.

“Caught up?” You spoke incredulously. 

“Caught up?” You repeated “You got me flowers.”

“I get a lot of things for a lot of people,” Logans’ voice was low.

You just watched him, slightly shocked and hurt at his attitude. 

“If you don’t know what you want then leave me the fuck alone,” You spoke angrily, mostly to mask the hurt you felt.

“If that's what you want,” Logan responded all too quickly.

He wasted no time in throwing another mat on top of the large stack rather aggressively before walking away from you, back out and onto the field. 

You watched him in disbelief, chest aching a little.

Chapter Text

You watched as the flowers Logan had given you slowly dropped their petals. Soon the greenery was drooping over sadly, and the clean water got murky. 

You decided to tip the water out and throw the flowers out in the bin after a couple days. 

You also decided to take the message that Logan wasn’t interested in whatever it was you had going on. 

It hurt to be left more confused than anything, thinking over all your interactions and wondering what was going wrong. You thought maybe it was all in your head; but it didn’t explain the flowers. Maybe he was just being nice. Maybe he was dating someone else. Maybe he didn’t like that you were close with Rogue. 

You skipped the next class of Logans, and the one after that you kept your head down.

You focused on catching up in classes, and your final check up with Jean to get the stitches out of your head. 

You were sitting quietly in Kittys class when she slipped a piece of paper on top of your books. 

You picked it up and looked over it, noticing that some classes had been shifted around. 

Combat . 

You frowned slightly and glanced up toward Kitty but she had already made her way back to the front. 

You looked back down, looking at the Combat class in your schedule and trying to wrack your brain to figure out if it was at the same time as Rogues’. You hoped it was. 

You felt a slight dread at the thought of the class, as well as having to face Logan again. 

x

You couldn’t help but to feel pure dread as you walked onto the field, groups of students already standing around and chatting to each other. 

You had learnt it wasn’t Rogues class, and without knowing anyone else you lingered towards the back as everyone stood around.

Logans’ voice was firm and commanding even without the echo of the classroom walls. His voice still seemed to carry across the open space, and you glanced up but couldn’t quite see past some of the taller students. It was a much bigger class than what you were used to. 

You just listened to Logan as he spoke, glancing around nervously as you weren’t entirely sure what he was even talking about. 

As you glanced around, you perked up at the sight of a familiar blonde haired boy. 

“Sam!” You whisper-shouted toward him, relieved to see someone familiar. 

“Sam!” you whisper shouted again, a girl in front of you glancing behind herself at you curiously. 

She caught the attention of Sam who glanced behind himself, his face breaking out in a smile immediately. 

“Hey!” He said excitedly, taking a few steps back to stand next to you instead.

“I’m so relieved you’re here,” You admitted quietly, mindful of Logan still speaking. 

“A sentence I never thought I'd hear.” Sam joked quietly.

You gave a slight laugh, glancing back toward the front. You and Sam both clearly thought it was better to not talk while Logan was talking. 

You stood around until it seemed as if Logan had stopped talking. You weren’t really listening. 

“You’ve finally made it to combat, huh?” Sam spoke once other students started chatting or walking off and finding different spots on the field. 

“I guess I've been deemed safe enough,” you laughed, “this class is so big.” 

Sam nodded as he glanced around the field briefly. The class looked a lot smaller spread across the field instead of standing in a group.

“I guess everyone has to be in combat, not everyone has to take normal classes,” Sam spoke.

Your eyes flickered around the field again and you couldn’t help but notice the age range seemed a lot more drastic than in your other classes. 

You nodded in agreement.

“I have no idea what i’m doing,” You admitted sheepishly now as you noticed others had started setting themselves up. 

“It’s alright, you can come join me.” Sam smiled.

He slung his arm around your shoulders, gently leading you towards a spot with another two students you assumed were his friends already setting up. 

He was definitely strong, and you suddenly wondered what his mutation even was. You dread the thought of your first day going against someone insanely good already. 

You then heard your name being called.

It made you and Sam both stop in your tracks, turning around to look at Logan.

He was still standing where he had been when speaking to the class, glaring over at the two of you.

The look he was giving made Sam slowly drop his arm from around you. 

“You. Over here,” Logan spoke as he watched you. 

You just nodded slightly, glancing at Sam who knew better than to say anything to Logan. 

You made haste of going over to where he was standing, not giving Sam another glance out of slight fear.

He looked as good as always, the plain white shirt he wore looked strained against his arms as they sat crossed against his chest. 

“You’ll be in a different group,” Logan spoke, nodding over to a group of students nearby. 

They looked significantly.. younger than yourself. It was very clearly an ability based match up.

“Right,” You said.

You’d be embarrassed, but you were also grateful to be fairly paired up. 

You walked over toward the smaller group of students who weren’t really talking to each other, looking equally uncomfortable. While a few looked a lot younger, some just seemed very unsure of themselves. 

“Alright,” Logan started, moving and standing in front of the padded mat. 

“Who's up first?” He added, though his eyes immediately met yours. 

Great. You’d been waiting for him to look at you for a couple weeks now and the one time he looks at you, you rather he’d not. 

You stood very still, sure that if you didn’t move he wouldn't say anything. 

“C’mon,” Logan spoke as he watched you, gesturing for you to go up.

You stood still for a few more moments as the group turned to look at you. You sighed lightly. 

You walked up to the mat, standing on one end of it now.

“I don’t know how to fight,” You admitted quietly to Logan as he stood close to you. 

“That’s why you’re here.” Logan spoke quietly back, eyes scanning the other students. 

“You,” Logan spoke, gesturing for another student to join.

He definitely was the worst type of teacher, not exactly waiting for any volunteers. 

A young brunette haired boy walked up to the mat, standing and facing you on the other side. He looked just as nervous to be there, something in his eyes was telling you he was already sorry for having to participate in this. 

“Show me your stance,” Logan spoke.

Logan was still standing close to you, and it was making you nervous.

You waited and watched as the boy in front of you shifted, his legs shoulder width apart. He awkwardly lifted his fists, glancing nervously between yourself and Logan.

You decided to copy him, shifting and planting your feet firmly on the ground. You thought about what the best stance would be if someone was to try to push you over. You bent your knees slightly. 

“Good,” Logan spoke as he kept his eyes on you.

“Now hit him,” Logan spoke.

“I– uh,” You started, glancing at Logan then back over at the boy. 

The boy seemed to brace himself at Logans’ words, mouth pressing into a determined line. 

“I don't-” You started, but you noticed the boy shifting his weight again and you instinctively stepped back and dodged him as he lunged forward and threw a punch at you.

“Shit,” You spoke, surprised at your own reflex. 

The boy stumbled forward a little as he had put too much power into the punch, having expected it to land.

You saw the advantage and stepped forward, kicking a leg out and swiping at his ankle that caused him to fall and hit the mat rather suddenly. 

You smiled excitedly at the sight of the boy down on the mat, giving yourself a small cheer and glancing at Logan with an expectation of celebration. 

He had a very strange look on his face, somewhere between impressed and confused. 

“Cute.. but, your opponent isn’t usually going to stumble around after trying to hit you,” Logan spoke.

He leant down and picked up the boy, placing him back on his feet in one swift movement. You were impressed at the strength. 

“Go again,” Logan spoke as he stepped back off the mat. 

Immediately you got back into position thinking of how the boy hadn’t exactly hesitated to throw the first punch. 

You raised your arms, hands in tight fists but couldn’t seem to get yourself to make the first move. 

How the hell were you supposed to be confident in punching a stranger? You were sure you’d never punched anyone in your life. 

You both kept eyes trained on each other. The boy seemed just as discouraged, shifting his weight and taking a small step to the side but otherwise hands unmoving. 

After a few moments of staring and awkward shifting, you glanced at Logan with a slightly pleading look. 

It was another few beats before Logans’ slight and soft laugh cut through the tense and awkward air.

“Alright, we’re getting nowhere,” Logan spoke, which made the boy seem to instantly relax.

He dismissed the boy with a simple wave of his hand, and he was scurrying back into the small crowd of students watching.

You felt your muscles relax, but it didn’t last long as Logan swiftly took up the empty spot.

You let out a small and anxious breath as your eyes met. 

“Try me,” Logan spoke, getting himself into a position that mimicked yours. 

He was much bigger and wider than the previous opponent, his muscles flexing as he brought his arms up in defence at his chest. 

With that in mind and a feeling he wasn’t going to take no as an answer, you gave him a short nod. 

You tensed up again, heart pounding in your chest and bringing your hands up as you mustered up the momentum to throw a punch. 

You lunged quickly, feeling your waist twist slightly as you drove your weight forward. 

For a split second you braced for some type of impact, but just as quickly Logan shifted backwards and missed any type of contact. 

You felt momentarily off balance, quickly adjusting your footing to recover in fear of falling over. You snapped back into place, resuming the same stance as if you hadn’t just missed out. 

“Not bad,” Logan spoke, steadying himself again. 

You watched each other for a few moments.

You swallowed, Logan’s eyes were sharp and watching you with the kind of intensity that made you feel like he already knew your next move before you did.

You took a quick step forward and threw another punch, though your fist cut through the empty air again as Logan dodged it easily. 

You huffed out once you quickly snapped back into position, frustration settling in.

“Again,” Logan spoke, rolling his shoulders. 

This time you lunged in quickly and without much thought, aiming at his side. 

Logans’ hand shot up and caught your wrist before the hit could land. His grip was gentle but unrelenting. 

You were slightly astounded at the reflex as Logan watched you with the same sharp and watching gaze.

Logan only released his grip when you flexed your hand. 

Your cheeks felt hot, frustrated at the fact that Logan was obviously skilled and you’d probably never get a move in, and the fact that other classmates were watching this happen.

“This isn’t fair,” You spoke, but shifting back into position.

“Fightin’ ain’t ever fair,” Logan grumbled as he put his arms up again, “Come on.”

You watched him, a small frown etched onto your features. 

You lunged in again, arm swinging as fierce as you could muster but it was a little more defeated than the other attempts. 

Logans’ hand shot up once more and caught your fist this time, though the connection ignited the flame of frustration in your chest.

Before you could really think your body seemed to answer, your other hand clasped tightly in a fist drove forward and came directly toward Logans’ chest. 

From your fist what felt like a heavy pulse rippled through the air, Logans’ grip flying open and stumbling backwards as if he had been shoved with great might, though recovering himself rather quickly.

You watched him slightly wide eyed, aware that your fist hadn’t even made contact with him.

You didn’t say anything as he looked back at you, both knowing what had happened. 

While you would usually feel the need to apologise, this time you didn’t. 

You knew you shouldn’t be using mutations, you were slightly in awe at your own instincts and control. It wasn’t too much, only just enough. 

“Not bad,” Logan spoke simply, while his tone gave away nothing he was looking at you curiously. 

“Switch,” Logan spoke quickly before you could really gauge what he was thinking, nodding his head to the side to indicate your turn was over. 

You weren’t sure what to make of what happened as you stepped off the mat and returned to where the other students were standing and glancing over at you with the same curious expression. 

Most students seemed to struggle as much as you had while up against Logan, and you started to wonder if it was some kind of right of passage to get humbled by him when you were first joining this class. You were grateful that your turn hadn’t lasted as long as some others. 

It was hard to tear your gaze from Logan but you spared Sam a few glances from across the field, and it seemed like him and his friends weren’t holding back. You were also grateful you hadn’t joined them.

As class wrapped you lingered, slightly hungry for connection from the weeks you hadn’t been speaking to or even looking at Logan. 

You watched as Logan spoke to a student, his eyes flickering over their shoulder to meet yours. 

Taking it as a good sign you pretended to fumble around with your bag that you had left near some other equipment.

“You been skipping all your classes or just mine?” Logans’ low voice spoke from in front of you now.

You jumped slightly before standing up properly, expecting to be greeted with an unimpressed look but Logan had a slight teasing smirk playing on his lips. 

“Didn’t think you’d notice,” You spoke lightly “and it was only one.” 

Logan hummed slightly in return, eyebrows raising slightly as he seemed to repress a smile. 

“I won't skip this class,” You offered, flashing him a tight smile. 

“You have a lot of potential. Always good to train it,” Logan spoke.

“Even though I technically cheated and used my mutation?” You spoke. 

Logan let out a small breath, an indication of a laugh before he shrugged slightly. 

“Can’t argue if it works,” Logan spoke.

“I saw you gave Drake time out once because he used his,” You quizzed.

Logans’ brows furrowed in thought for a few moments. 

“That’s because Drake’s an idiot,” He finally spoke, which made you laugh. 

“So I'm not the exception?” You teased.

Logan seemed slightly amused, and a lot more relaxed than he had been at your last interaction. 

“You have a lot of power, kid,” Logan spoke.

“So I’ve been told,” You spoke softly, thinking of most interactions you’d had with Xavier where he constantly re-affirmed the power of your mutation. 

You felt like addressing Logans’ strange mood swings and ever changing attitude towards you but you thought better of it, deciding there must be something bigger at play - mostly to give yourself some peace of mind.

“Listen-”

“Don’t-” 

You both started.

“You go,” You spoke quickly, mostly because you felt whatever Logan had to say was probably way more important. 

“Sorry for how I acted last time I saw you,” Logan spoke, his soft tone laced with an emotion that almost gave you a flashback of when you spoke in the medical bay.

“I've heard this apology before,” You spoke quietly.

You tried to play it jokingly, but you were sure you were both aware Logan had indeed had to make that same apology before. 

“I know,” Logan spoke, and his voice suddenly sounded slightly strained. 

“Things are just… tense.” Logan spoke, “at the moment.”

“You mean.. between us?” You asked quietly.

Logan’s following soft laugh made you cringe slightly at the naivety of your assumption. You almost forgot things happened outside your small world of friends, classes and crushes - he seemed to be facing the real world and whatever life threatening situations that entailed. 

“Yeah, I guess that’s a part of it,” Logan spoke.

“A part?” You questioned curiously. 

Logan shifted slightly, a wary look crossing his face that made you regret questioning anything in fear he’d shut down again.

“You don’t have to tell me,” You added quickly now.

“You cracking your head open doesn’t help anything.” Logan spoke.

You were slightly surprised at his small smile that seemed to break through his tension. You couldn't help but to laugh slightly and instinctively touch your head where your stitches had been.

“Can I admit something to you?” You spoke.

Logan watched you curiously, giving a slight nod. 

“I heard you outside my door that night and was trying to spy on you when I fell backwards,” You spoke.

Logan huffed out a laugh, a smile playing on his face but he shook his head slightly and glanced away from you at an obvious attempt to hide the fact he had found it funny. 

“That’s what you get for spying,” Logan teased.

His following deep chuckle warmed you up on the inside.

You smiled at him, though the moment was fleeting as you really thought about that night with a clear head for the first time. Why had you even fallen over in the first place?

“You alright?” Logans’ voice was quick to cut through your thoughts. 

He was surprisingly good at reading people.

“Yeah..” You spoke slowly, glancing down at your bag that was sitting on the ground. 

You frowned to yourself, the mental image of Logans’ dark and oppressive shadow that night flashed into your mind. 

“I just-” you started but shook your head, “yeah.”

The thought brought on the same sudden feeling of impending doom with quick momentum, a vision of fire and death hitting you like a freight train.

It was gone as quickly as it had come on - like another fleeting memory you were convinced was a dream, but it still had you stumbling slightly at the sheer power and suddenness of it all. 

You swore you had only blinked and Logan was at your side, his arm supporting you across the middle of your back and standing so close you could smell him.

“Hey- Hey, Alright?” Logan spoke quickly, voice laced with worry. 

“Sit,” Logan added.

Before you could get a word out he was ushering you to the nearby bench, sitting down alongside you. He pulled his arm back slightly, but you felt it remain on your back, rubbing it slightly with gentle reassurance. 

“Sorry,” You spoke.

The thoughts and feelings the memories brought on felt uncomfortable as it reminded you of how your powers had manifested before you got them under control; the vivid and uncontrollable sensations that flooded both your mental and physical world. 

To your surprise Logan didn’t say anything, glancing up now to meet his eyes. 

He looked tense, and the soft and concerned look in his eyes seemed to be heightened by how tense and rigid his body was. The contrast of the two made it hard to tell what he was thinking. 

“My head’s still a bit unstable I guess,” You mumbled, glancing back down at your lap. 

“It’s alright,” Logan finally said, “maybe you should go talk to Xavier.”

You shook your head slightly at that.

“I don’t want to keep being the problem child,” You said.

Logan spared you a small smile at that, though it looked more sympathetic than anything. 

“If there’s somethin’ going on in your mind, he’d be your best bet,” Logan spoke.

“Maybe,” You spoke, though you weren’t entirely thrilled with the idea. 

You were sure Xavier also had bigger problems to deal with than a student's mental outbursts. You felt it was too soon to stir up more problems after knocking yourself out cold too. You were sure it was something you could figure out alone, or at least alongside Rogue. 

“Rogue’s been good help,” You spoke, mostly trying to bring her up to see how he’d react. 

It still played in the back of your mind, curious about their relationship and subsequent mysterious fallout. 

Logan just nodded slightly, and you felt his hand move away from your back and drop down at his side instead. 

You didn’t take that as a good sign. You let silence hang in the air to see if he’d say anything else. 

“She’s been very helpful with you,” Logan spoke after a few moments. 

“With me?” You spoke.

“Yeah- well, with everything that happened,” Logan spoke.

You just nodded slowly at that, agreeing that she had been great and stuck by your side when you’d needed her. 

“You’ve changed your tune on her then?” You questioned, considering his hearty warning a while back about her. 

Logan shrugged slightly. 

“I had my reasons,” Logan spoke.

You couldn’t help but to perk up slightly at the fact Logan was being open with you. 

“And what were your reasons?” You questioned. 

“Doesn’t matter now, does it?” Logan spoke.

“It does to me,” You returned.

You watched each other for a few moments, the silence in such a wide and open space made these moments seem even quieter. 

“I heard you were close once,” You spoke again, mostly to try to prompt Logan.

“Guess so,” Logan spoke with a slight shrug. 

“What happened?” You questioned. 

Logan sighed slightly, rubbing the back of his neck for a moment as his eyes darted around the field. It was obvious to you that Logan didn’t tend to open up about things often, or maybe he was just terrible at expressing how he felt. 

“Found her when she was young. She was just troubled is all - took it out on me for a while,” Logan spoke, glancing back towards you.

You nodded slightly, assuming that there was a lot more of a story than what he was letting on. 

“I heard she used her powers on you,” You said.

“How do y’know that?” Logan frowned slightly. 

“People talk,” You said, shrugging. 

“Right…. well, yeah,” Logan started “misunderstanding.”

“Misunderstanding?” You repeated.

“You’re askin’ a lot of questions, kid.” Logan spoke, a small frown returning to his features. 

“Because you’re always so vague about everything,” You sighed “It’s like trying to get blood from a stone.”

Surprisingly, Logan barked out a laugh at that.

“I’m serious!” You spoke, feeling a slight surge of frustration probably due to the way Logan had been acting towards you for a while. 

“You can’t deny you’re incredibly moody,” You spoke with a small laugh now, deciding to let the frustration go for the time being considering you were finally there and having an honest conversation with him. 

But when you thought about how long it’d taken to get here, sitting alone together, there were a million other questions you wanted to ask for fear of not getting this opportunity again. 

“I’m not incredibly moody,” Logan said with another short laugh.

“Why are things so tense, then?” You spoke.

“Things are always tense,” He admitted “It’s like living in a neverending shitstorm,” 

You furrowed your eyebrows and nodded slightly, though it seemed like he was joking you knew there was an underlying truth to it. You wanted Logan to know that you saw it. That you understood it. 

“Yeah. I’ve learnt that being a mutant comes with a whole new set of problems. It’s like a whole new world for me - I can’t get my head around it..” You spoke softly. 

“Yeah,” Logan spoke quietly, his gaze dropping down to the ground. 

“It’s all I've ever known,” Logan said. There was something in the way he said it, and the way his shoulders dropped just a little.

You watched him for a few moments. There was an air of sadness to him, and you noticed the quiet weight in his gaze as his eyes lifted to meet yours again. 

He usually seemed so brash and unyielding, but when he finally lifted the curtain you could just about see the heaviness he seemed to carry beneath all the deflection and anger. Like a flicker of the tired and emotionally driven person he seemed to be - not some unshakeable force, but something very human. 

Both you and Logans’ head turned quickly as you heard someone approaching.

You cursed the sight of the familiar blonde boy.

“We still on for dinner?” Sam spoke slightly awkwardly under Logan's sharp gaze. 

You frowned at that, not remembering having made any plans. You realised by the look on Sam's face he thought he was saving you from some type of trouble you were in with Logan.

“Oh..” You could only manage to get out.

Logan glanced back at you, a deep and familiar frown settling into his features.

“Right..yeah,” you stuttered out, folding under the slight pressure of not wanting to make things more awkward.

You glanced between Sam and Logan, unsure what to make of the slightly confused yet concerned look Logan was giving you. 

You cringed slightly at the idea this might be giving to Logan, not wanting him to think you were a thing with Sam, and hating that Sam had come by to stop a conversation you’d been dying to have. 

You got up and picked up your bag quickly, deciding not to meet Logan's eyes again as you joined Sam's side. 

You walked alongside him, watching the ground as you walked. 

“Sheesh, that looked tense. I thought I'd do you a favour and get you out of there,” Sam laughed. 

Chapter Text

“I wouldn’t say this is as fun as drinking, but I forgot how good this place was,” Drake spoke, staring down at the burger he was grasping as if it was going to slip away. 

Sam had been persistent about the next ‘outing’ for a while and you’d managed to rope the other two into joining. It was partially due to the fear of being alone with Sam and giving off the wrong impression, and the last thing you wanted Logan to see was that you were unavailable . 

“I think I'm lactose intolerant,” Sam said, swirling around a straw in the rather large milkshake he’d gotten.

“Does your tummy hurt?” Rogue teased, making both you and Drake laugh. 

“It does, actually,” Sam huffed lightly, leaning down slightly and sipping his drink through the straw regardless. 

You’d found yourself tucked into a corner in a small booth with the other three at some burger place a street away from the bar you’d made a great escape from a few weeks back. It was rather popular, and a cold sweep of air washed over you every now and then as people bustled through the door. 

“We could be like, the Fantastic Four or something,” Drake spoke through a mouthful.

“Oh yeah!” Sam chimed.

“Just because there’s four of us?” You questioned, slightly amused. 

“Fantastic four as in that superhero team with the big rock guy?” Rogue questioned. 

“Yeah!” Sam chimed again. 

“Who would you be?” You questioned Drake.

“Maybe.. Invisible Woman.” Drake spoke thoughtfully. 

“You’d be Human Torch,” Drake added and pointed to Rogue.

“Aren’t they siblings?” You laughed.

“I say Rogue can be The Thing,” Sam said.

“What did you just call me?” Rogue spoke.

“No- He’s the rock guy!” Sam exclaimed.

“I don’t want to be the rock guy! I want the torch guy!” Rogue spoke.

“Well I don’t want to be the rock guy,” Sam said.

“There’s nothing wrong with being the rock guy in my opinion,” Drake said.

“I’m definitely not the rock guy,” You added.

“Why are you being the only woman?” Rogue spoke as she looked at Drake now. 

“Excuse me darlin’” You heard a slightly shrill voice from beside you. 

It made the lively conversation drop rather suddenly, and you glanced beside yourself and up at the woman. 

You were shocked to see a familiar face.

“Oh wow!” You spoke.

She broke out in a wide smile and made a rather dramatic motion for you to hug her. 

She had perfectly modern-southern, bright bleached hair that looked fresh out of the rollers, and strikingly colourful clothes that made her stick out like a sore thumb in the drab and dreary diner.

You’d known her since you were young as she lived in your small hometown in a house nearby, and you remembered spending a lot of time playing in her house with her kids, and carpooling to and from school.

You stood up at her motion and went in for a rather light hug, her curls pressing against your face as she held you in a tight embrace. 

“Wow,” You repeated, pulling back slightly to look at her now after a few moments. 

Her strikingly familiar and strong perfume sobered you to the reality that the life you left behind didn’t die when your brother did, and that the place, people and memories still existed even if it didn’t often feel like it.

“What are you doing here?” You questioned, eyes darting around the small diner to see if you could spot any other familiar faces. 

“I’m visitin’ family!” She chimed excitedly “It’s so good to see you sweetie,”  

She was suddenly looking at you as if you were a wounded animal, eyebrows knitted together now. 

“I’m sorry about what happened to your brother.” She spoke, a hand flying up to her chest and laying it across her heart as she gave you a rather exaggerated solemn look. You felt it was slightly performative on her part. 

Your stomach twisted at the sudden tone of the conversation. You tried not to think about your brother. 

“It’s alright,” You started.

“It was just so awful. He was such an amazing young man,” She spoke, her hand still on her heart “I know how close you were.”

You shifted slightly, aware that this wasn’t the best place to be talking, mindful that your friends were close enough to be watching the interaction.

“I know it’s-” You started before she cut you off again with her thick southern drawl.

“I believed it when you said it wasn’t you,” She said, “it was one of them mutants.”

“Oh..no- I think-” Was all you could get out before she pressed on. 

“Your brother took such good care of you after your parents… passed .” She paused a beat at the last word. 

“I wouldn’t be surprised if a mutant was targeting him. They’re always up to no good.” She spoke “the only good mutant is one that’s six feet under, i’ll tell ya that,”

There was a moment of silence after she finally stopped talking. 

You were slightly astounded and unsure about what to say, looking at her wide-eyed.

You felt the weight of her words, and the hate she genuinely carried was jarring to be on the other side of it. 

“I mean.. I’m sorry I..don’t agree,” You spoke quietly. 

She frowned, slightly taken aback. 

“Pardon, honey?” She spoke pointedly. 

“That’s an awful thing to say about mutants,” You said “About anyone, actually.”

“Well-” The woman started.

“Why don’t you just tell her?” Rogue spoke up, cutting in rather harshly. 

You felt your heartbeat skip a beat as you both glanced over at Rogue who got up from out of her seat. 

She looked rather furious, a dark glare directed towards the both of you. 

“I-” 

“She is a mutant,” Rogue hissed. 

You inhaled sharply, glancing back at the woman who looked at you now with wide eyes. 

There was a long silence, and you felt the tension thick in the air. 

“Rogue-” Drake reprimanded quietly but she didn’t spare him a glance.

You couldn’t think fast enough, upset that Rogue would take it upon herself to tell someone something like that. 

“Now I know that’s just not true,” The woman spoke, glancing between Rogue and yourself. 

“Not you,” She added, tone in utter disbelief as she looked at you. Her southern sweetness dissipated rather quickly. 

“No - Well, I guess..” You stuttered.

“Well it’s true. She’s a mutant. We’re all mutants,” Rogue spoke, gesturing to the table.

You swear you could see as she got a glazed look over her eyes, staring at you with disdain. As if you were a completely different person. 

She stared at you in silence for a few moments, and you felt as if she was waiting for you to deny it. 

When you didn’t say anything she shook her head as she looked you over. 

“Well..” She spoke. 

“Nice to know that your brother died in vain,” She spat at you before making a hasty exit. 

You stood still for a few moments, reeling from the hard and fast interaction. 

“Time to go then,” Sam spoke quickly.

Both Drake and Sam scooted out of their seats.

You frowned and looked over at Rogue who was still obviously angry and looking out the window where the woman was presumably still in sight. 

“Let’s go,” Sam ushered gently, and started gesturing you out the door. 

You allowed it and were the first to walk out the door, thinking through what had just happened.

“Why would you throw me under the bus like that?” You spoke abruptly.

You turned back towards the door as Rogue stepped out behind Drake. 

Though you weren’t often confrontational, you were shocked and angry that a friend would do something like that to you. 

“Maybe we can talk about this when we get back,” Sam said. 

“You were just standing there and letting her spew hate,” Rogue spoke.

The four of you were spilled out onto the sidewalk now, Sam glancing around nervously and Drake ushering Rogue to the side as people approached the door.

“I wasn’t! What was I supposed to do? I told her I didn’t agree,” You said. 

“Well not fast enough for me. I don’t want to hear about how mutants are no good unless we’re dead.” Rogue spoke angrily. 

“It didn’t give you the right to tell her like that,” You said.

“Well you weren’t going to tell her,” Rogue said, tone accusing. 

“Come on Rogue, that's enough,” Drake interjected. 

“Why do I have to? You heard the way she was talking, why would I want to tell her anything!” You urged. 

“Well if you can’t tell people you’re a mutant by now then you’re just being a pussy,” Rogue spoke.

“What is your fucking problem?” You snapped.

“You have no right to say shit like that. You don’t know what I went through with my family,” You spoke angrily now. 

“Oh so you think you’re the only person with problems here?” Rogue fired back.

“I never said that. You inserted yourself into my problems when you took it upon yourself to tell someone I’m a mutant. And for what? To help me?” You snapped angrily, seething as you went on.

 “My brother is fucking dead because of me. I don’t need to give people another reason to hate me,” you snapped.

“Seriously guys, enough. This is way out of line,” Sam spoke, tone commanding now as he stepped forward and between the two of you.

“Whatever,” Rogue spoke, shoulders slouching slightly as she pushed past Sam and started heading back towards the school.

You were left with a strong swirl of emotions as you watched her walk away, letting out a noise of frustration as your hands balled up into fists at your side.

“I’m sorry,” Drake said, eyebrows knitted together. 

“You alright?” Sam spoke softly.

“What the fuck even was that?” You spoke out in frustration. 

“It’s alright, just forget about her,” Sam spoke “Let’s just head back,”

You didn’t say anything else, not in the mood anymore as you started heading back towards the school without another word. Drake skipped ahead and went to catch up with Rogue. 

You went straight to your room, though you tried not to let both interactions upset you, it was hard. 

You hadn’t thought of your brother often, and when it was brought up you started to understand why. It was difficult to hear and talk about. You didn’t want to be reminded. 

x

You didn’t feel great the next day either, the conflict sitting heavy on your chest as you woke up. 

While it didn’t feel good having an argument with a friend, it felt worse combined with the subject, and the feelings it was bringing up. 

You avoided any common space you thought you’d run into your friends as you weren’t sure you wanted to hear what any of them had to say, and it wasn’t as though Rogue had been knocking on your door asking for forgiveness either. 

You felt simultaneously valid in being upset with her, while feeling bad for the way someone you knew spoke about mutants in front of your friends. It was almost shameful to have once had similar thoughts. It also felt shameful to think about what your brother would think of you as you were now. 

Defeated, you found yourself wandering out to the wide field in search of Logan that afternoon. 

You weren’t exactly sure why, but you sought comfort from someone outside your small circle - or just someone you hoped cared about you. You weren’t sure who else you could turn to if you were being honest. 

You went and sat yourself down on the cold metal bench you had previously shared with Logan. It wasn’t very comfortable, but it sat on the outskirts of the field with a good view and you figured it was mostly used to put equipment on as a few items were scattered close. 

There seemed to be the tail end of a class, students trailing along the field and equipment still scattered around that Logan was picking up here and there. It reminded you of watching your P.E teacher packing up the outdoor equipment after class. 

You sighed lightly to yourself at the sight and the reminder of your old life. You couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened.

Logan didn’t notice you until he had come closer after stopping to chat to a few students.

He seemed to make a not-so-casual beeline towards you, looking at you curiously as he came close before chucking a few items towards the other pile of equipment. 

“Alright?” He spoke, voice gruff. 

You shrugged slightly. 

“Just came for a look, then?” Logan spoke.

You smiled and let out a slight laugh at that.

You weren’t really sure where to start, and now that Logan was in front of you, you felt a bit embarrassed that you’d come to him in the first place. 

 “Bad day,” You said with another shrug. 

Logan hummed slightly in response, glancing around and over the grassy space.

The last of the students were still ambling off the field, backs towards the two of you as Logan sat down beside you now. The small and unsupported slab of metal you were both sitting on made his frame seem unusually large. 

“How bad we talkin’?” Logan spoke after a few moments. 

You thought for a few moments. 

“Medium bad,” You said.

Logan laughed softly and you couldn’t help but smile at the sound of it. 

“Medium bad?” Logan repeated “So not quite cracking your head open?” 

You shook your head slightly. 

“No physical injuries, only emotional,” You spoke. 

You both shared a slight smile at the tone of the conversation, and you felt as though Logan understood where you were coming from despite it. 

“Anythin’ you wanna tell me?” Logan questioned. 

He seemed a little hesitant to ask, though you had some understanding from your last conversation he wasn’t an expert at these things. 

You shrugged lightly again, glancing down at the ground as you swung your leg out slightly and kicked at the grass. 

“Had a rather hateful experience with someone I used to know before I.. went mutant,” You said.

Logan exhaled sharply, like that answer didn’t surprise him in the slightest. “Yeah. Happens.”

“Fear makes people cruel.” Logan added.

You sighed, moving your hands into your lap as you continued to look down.

“I can't say it gets any better bub,” Logan spoke, his voice low but comforting “But it ain’t ever got anything to do with you. It’s their problem.”

You were unsure if his words made you feel better or not. 

“You should have seen the way she looked at me - like I was barely human” You spoke, threading your fingers together nervously at the thought. 

“She saw me differently - even though she’s known me my whole life.” You added.

“Guess she never really saw you to begin with,” Logan spoke softly. 

You hummed a little at that, trying to take in what he was saying as you thought through everything you’d been upset about in the last two days. You could feel the emotion bubbling to the surface again.

“Rogue wasn’t very happy with me either,” You spoke, eyes still cast towards your lap.

“And she really hurt my feelings,” You added. 

You decided to speak plainly about how it’d made you feel rather than the drama of what was actually said. Though as the words came out they felt very juvenile. 

“Whatever it’s about, I'm sure she’ll come around.” Logan spoke, obviously not one to pry.

You felt the metal bench dip slightly as Logan moved closer to you. 

His arm moved around your back, and his hand wrapped around to your shoulder as he held you gently to his side. 

You took it upon yourself to lean in and rest up against him. He was very warm and inviting, his strong and steady presence was grounding. 

You allowed the warm embrace to dissipate some of your sadness, as if he was some type of sponge. It was the type of comfort you had been hoping to get.

“Nothin’ is stronger for people like us than the friends you choose to be your family,” Logan added, gently squeezing your shoulder with a silent reassurance. 

You let out a small breath at that. He was right in saying that your little group of friends were all you really had, and in a way the experiences you shared in being a mutant was extremely bonding.

“I appreciate it,” You said softly.

There was a rather high pitched ringing that came from Logan's pocket.

“Sorry,” He mumbled.

He hesitantly moved his arm away from you now and dug his hand into his pocket before pulling out his phone.

You weren’t happy with the sudden loss of comfort, having been enjoying the closeness of it all. But of course, it was only another fleeting moment for the two of you.

You watched as he looked at the screen but didn’t answer the call.

You couldn’t help but to peek at his phone, though frowning as you saw Jean's name.

“Ah- sorry, bub. I gotta go,” Logan spoke, pushing himself up from the bench.

“Come back in with me,” Logan spoke, nodding his head towards the field.

You hesitated, trying not to feel upset about what you’d seen. You suddenly felt a slight resentment towards him that he would drop what he was doing with you to go see Jean.

“I’m alright. I might just.. take a moment..” You mumbled as you glanced up at him.

Logan watched you for a few moments before nodding slightly. 

“Alright..” Logan spoke.

You could tell there was some hesitation about leaving you there, and uncertainty about what to say, but it also seemed as though he was being pulled by some invisible string back in towards the school.

Your eyes lingered on each other for a few beats before he gave you another short nod and started heading away. 

You looked down once more when he was halfway across the field. 

You had liked the comfort so much so that it hurt more that he found it so easy to walk away in these moments. It made it impossible to tell how Logan really felt.

Sitting alone, the vast and silent field felt isolating.

Chapter Text

Thoughts of Logan and Jean plagued your mind, emphasised by seeing them talking together from your room window over the weekend. 

You took comfort in the fact that they looked as though they were having a tense discussion, and the fact they were having it out in the open surely meant it wasn’t something too private. 

Logan stood sternly with his arms crossed tightly across his chest, Jean shaking her head at something he was saying.

You wondered why things were so tense between them. You thought back to Rogue mentioning seeing them together at the bar where they ran into him and things were tense then too. Things were always tense with Logan.

You couldn't seem to tear your eyes away from them out of sheer curiosity, or maybe it was something far more indulgent and almost voyeuristic in the way you were watching Logan. 

While he was nothing if not outwardly consistent - the repeated outfits he almost wore as uniform, his demeanour always rigid, holding a constant glare - there was still a contrast you hoped only you had glimpsed into in your more gentle moments with him. 

You thought about the soft glances and touches he’d spare, the sweet flowery sentiment he’d left you, and the warmth he had radiated when you leant up against him, like an open flame that drew you in despite the danger. 

Even now, as he stood there, scowling about something or probably nothing at all, you could see it - the quiet kind of restraint he held himself to that made the world seem to bend around him. 

You found him endlessly alluring. 

You couldn’t help but to let your mind wander - what was it like to be loved by him? To be touched by him? Did he hold himself back to the same type of restraint he displayed in his day-to-day life, or was he more of an… unhinged lover that couldn’t hold anything back?

You watched curiously as Jean turned her head to the side slightly as if she had heard someone coming. 

You quickly realised that maybe she had picked up on the fact you’d been standing there staring at them from afar, dropping to the ground rather suddenly in fear of them noticing you.

It was annoying how little you could get away with around other mutants.

xx

There was a soft knock on your door as you were busy picking up the clothes you had thrown around while trying to pick an outfit for class as the week started. Combat was a bit tricky to know what you were in for. 

You paused at the sound, hesitantly walking over to the door and opening it slowly in fear of who would be behind it.

Seeing a slightly uneasy looking Sam, you flashed a smile. 

“Hey,” You spoke softly. 

You hadn’t felt in the mood to speak to anyone over the weekend, managing to avoid the other three.

“Hey, how are you doing? Are you coming to class?” Sam asked rather quickly.

“Do you want to get breakfast first?” he added.

“Yeah,” You said with a small laugh, “have you come to collect me?”

You picked up your bag that sat by the door and put it on.

He seemed to perk up at your tone. 

“I guess so - I got worried we’d never see you again,” Sam said.

You just hummed slightly at that, still not entirely feeling like acknowledging what had happened. 

You were worried about running into Rogue, but you were thinking about just grabbing something small and heading to class anyway. 

“Let’s not be late,” You said.

You closed the door behind yourself as you started leading the two of you down the hall. 

“Are you alright?” Sam asked once more after a few moments of walking beside you.

“I’m okay,” You said. 

“Sorry that I didn’t come check on you sooner. I figured it was better to give you some space,” Sam spoke sheepishly. 

“Don’t worry about it. I was happy with the space,” you admitted. 

Sam just nodded slightly as you both walked.

He didn’t say anything else as you went into the dining hall, eyes scanning over the few people sitting around. You felt relieved as you didn’t spot any familiar faces. 

The dining hall was attached to the kitchen - one of many, and you went over to the assortment of food that was set out. 

You followed behind Sam as he picked at various items, you opted for some fruit and a pastry.

You often wondered who did the grocery shopping. 

You followed Sam still as you went over to an empty table, sitting down with a small sigh. 

Sam sat across from you.

He started watching you carefully after a few moments of silence, taking a bite of his toast. 

You knew he wanted to say something, but he hesitated, as if choosing his words carefully.

“Are you planning on talking to Rogue?" Sam questioned. 

You almost laughed at how predictable it was, but you shrugged. 

“I don’t really know,” You spoke honestly. 

“Alright..” Sam nodded slowly.

His eyes darted behind you rather suspiciously. 

Frowning, you turned your head to look behind yourself.

You tensed as you saw Rogue and Drake.

Your eyes met with Rogues and she seemed to stop in her tracks, you could tell by her surprise it must have been a set up. 

“You fucker,” You spoke, turning back to look at Sam “I didn’t want to talk to her!”

“It was Drake's idea.” Sam quickly spoke defensively. 

You put your head in your hand, feeling it would be too dramatic if you got up and left so you prepared for some kind of confrontation. 

“You two need to talk it out,” Sam urged.

You ignored Sam, looking down at the table.

“I genuinely think you’ll regret not making up with each other. I know she’s sorry for what she did - she just needs to tell you that.” Sam spoke. 

He made some rather obvious gestures towards Drake and you figured Rogue was also hesitant to come over.

“Oh Hey! My friends.. What are you doing here?” Drake spoke awkwardly as he approached the table.

“Oh, hey…friend,” Sam responded, “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Mind if we take a seat?” Drake asked.

The interaction sounded like two middle schoolers reading lines for a play.

You just shook your head slightly at the ridiculousness of it, eyes still down on the table.

After a few beats you realised it had fallen silent, lifting your head to see what was happening only for the three of them to be staring back at you. 

You glanced at Rogue who looked a mix between concerned and uncomfortable, shifting her weight as you made eye contact. 

She was hard to read, but the fact she was there made you think she was okay with the idea of talking about it.

“Alright. You two are ridiculous and can leave us alone,” You spoke, glancing at Sam and Drake. 

The boys glanced between each other before Sam got up from the seat, picking up his tray before following Drake to find another table. 

You didn’t say anything as Rogue slid into the seat Sam had been sitting in.

You both sat in silence for a few moments. You could hear laughter fill up the room as more students trickled in. 

You kept your eyes averted from Rogues as you weren’t sure what to say.

“I’m sorry for what I said, and how I acted,” Rogue spoke after the long and painful silence. 

You lifted your head and looked over at her.

“I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. I know I get too angry too quickly sometimes.” She added.

Though you knew she was kind hearted and genuinely cared about you as a friend, you couldn’t help but still be hurt about what she had said. 

“I don’t think it was fair,” You said.

She nodded slightly. 

“I know, it wasn’t,” She said.

She then glanced down at her plate.

You both sat in silence for another few moments. 

“I appreciate you apologising,” You said.

“I know I should have apologised sooner but.. I just felt embarrassed.” Rogue admitted.

Your eyes met as she spoke.

“Why?” You asked.

She shrugged lightly. 

“I didn’t mean to take my anger out on you about what someone else said. It’s embarrassing that I would do that to a friend.” She said. 

You watched her as she spoke, and you could tell she was pushing through in being honest with you. 

You offered her a small and almost sympathetic smile. 

“I understand. It happens.” You said. 

You didn’t feel it was right to outright accept and dismiss her behaviour, but you knew and understood where her pain had come from and could acknowledge the fact life would never really be easy for people like you and Rogue. It was a hard ask for everyone to be perfect. 

Rogue offered you a small and tight smile back, a slight spark of warmth coming back to the two of you.

You glanced down at your plate, finally picking at the pastry you had on your plate before taking a bite. 

You both ate in comfortable silence for a little while.

“I’m sorry about… your brother, too,” Rogue said.

You looked over at her once more.

“That woman was wrong about him,” She hesitated for a few moments.

“I don’t think he.. would think differently.. or any less of you if he could see you now - and how much you’ve grown as a person and a mutant,” Rogue said softly, “he would love having you around as much as I do.”

Her words were hesitant, eyebrows furrowed together as she seemed unsure if it was the right thing to be saying but you couldn’t help but to be warmed by her sincerity. It was something you’d needed to hear.

You smiled a very genuine smile, to which she returned. 

“Thank you,” You spoke softly.

She smiled and gave you a short nod.

You both comfortably went back to eating.

xx

“Sam broke my fucking gameboy and instead of giving me money to buy a new one he reckons he knows how to fix it,” Rogue spoke.

You and Rogue were sitting out on the grass in the courtyard, catching up on the weekend and getting some sunshine while it lasted. 

“He gives me the vibe that he has rich parents,” You said.

Rogue laughed and nodded. “That’s why I asked for the money!”

“What about Drake? Know much about his family?” You asked.

She paused.

“Can I talk to you about something?” Rogue spoke.

“Anything,” You said.

“Cute, the freaks are still sticking together,” A voice cut in.

You turned slightly and saw that it came from a boy you recognised from having terrorized you previously in class - the one that saw you separated from Rogue on one of your first days. 

“Could say the same about you guys,” Rogue quipped.

“Heard combat class is going well for you now that you’re allowed in,” One spoke to you. 

You didn’t like the feeling of them looming over you, so you stood up now. 

“Why, have you been stalking me?” You spoke.

You heard Rogue snicker from beside you as she stood.

“No, I heard you’re both fucking useless.”

“One of you can’t touch anyone and the other knows how to turn the lights on and off with the power of her mind.” He spoke, putting extra emphasis on the last part of the sentence. 

It seemed to be hilarious to the other two standing behind their apparent leader. 

“Is that all you came over to say?” Rogue spoke, rolling her eyes. 

“You two are just walking reminders that not all mutations are useful,” The third one said.

“And all brawn, no brain power is any better?” You spoke. 

You could tell from all past interactions these guys thought more favourably of mutations that were more physically strengthening, or it wasn’t useful if you couldn’t show it off like an asshole.

“Finally found your voice, huh?” One spoke to you. 

“Think you’ve been hanging around that freak for too long” He added, glancing at Rogue “You’re turning into a real bitch too.” 

“Real original.” Rogue spoke. 

As you grew annoyed, the air around you started to feel like static. 

Though unlike most times you’d used your mutation, this time it was purposeful and deliberate.

Nobody seemed to notice - except Rogue.

Her gaze snapped toward you.

You gave her a look that you hoped signalled that you had it under control.

“We don’t need to be in class to beat the shit out of you y’know,” The main guy snapped at Rogue.

“Go on then,” Rogue snarled. 

You almost held your breath as you mentally reached for your power the way you always had, like grasping for a cup across the table, the familiar feeling of moving a physical item.

As you did, it unexpectedly felt like something clicked into place, and you realised something. 

It wasn't just the air, or the temperature, or physical objects you were capable of nudging or manipulating. It was truly the atmosphere itself, and everything that it encapsulated. 

The boy in front of you opened his mouth - then stopped.

“Why does it feel weird out here?” Rogue spoke quietly, glancing at you again. 

Like a floodgate opening, you felt your power suddenly come down on those around you like a heavy blanket. 

The air felt thick and seemed to crackle, and there was a sensation of your ears blocking as if you’d taken off in an aeroplane.

The whole courtyard area suddenly went quiet, and a more docile look crossed the faces of the boys you were facing. 

You could feel the pressure of the atmosphere pressing against everyone all at once, and the air felt so thick you could almost suffocate by breathing it in.

Like a muscle you had always hoped to have, you flexed it - pushing harder to see what you could do. 

You imagined it as if you were not only using the very atmosphere to subjugate them, but a force now pushing against their minds, trying to force your way in. 

It had never felt so easy to use and control your power. 

Quiet whisperings and echoes of thoughts that weren’t yours quickly filtered into your mind, and as you continued to press they got louder. 

You saw flashes of Yourself, and Rogue standing there in third person, and weird warped perspectives of the current interaction, then strange flashes of an afternoon that wasn’t yours - it was as if you were recalling a memory.

You then had another realization. 

You weren’t going into people's minds… you were pulling things out.

A wave of pain pulsed through you suddenly, and your grip on things stopped. 

The heavy veil lifted so suddenly it made you feel weightless and you stumbled slightly before you realised Rogue was holding your arm.

She quickly let go of you, and it left everyone standing around rather confused. 

You glanced over at the other boys who were pale faced and looking at each other warily, footing slightly unstable.

It seemed as though they weren’t sure what had just happened, or what they were even doing in the first place. 

You remembered - but did they?

“Let’s go,” Rogue spoke quickly.

She backed up slightly before turning and walking away quickly, it didn’t take you long to follow behind. 

xx

“That was crazy!” Rogue cheered.

You both found humour in the situation as you walked back down the long halls to your rooms, bumping into one another as you laughed.

You couldn’t deny it had felt really good. 

“They’re so fucked in life if they think their mutations are more useful than ours,” She added.

“I swear their combined brain power was so minimal it could’ve been sucked through a straw,” You laughed. 

“And they think physical strength is everything,” You smiled, shaking your head. 

“The look on their faces afterwards  - holy shit.” Rogue laughed. 

Rogue laughed so much her walking slowed, one hand holding her stomach and her other hand shooting out to grab your arm for stability without thinking.

You let out a loud noise at the feeling, jerking your arm away from her touch which made her stumble into the wall, and in turn had the both of you laughing harder. 

You turned a corner and were almost stopped in your tracks by the sight of Logan loitering by your room.

“Alright?” He spoke as you made eye contact. 

You nodded slightly, glancing at Rogue who had also quickly recovered. 

“Xavier wants to see you,” Logan spoke.

“Me?” You questioned. 

He gave you a short nod. 

“Am I in trouble?” You questioned.

He shrugged slightly. 

“And he sent you to collect me?” You questioned again.

Logan let out a short laugh. 

“What are you, the riddler? Let's go,” Logan spoke.

You laughed slightly at that.

“I’ll catch up with you later,” Rogue spoke.

You nodded and gave her a small wave as she disappeared into her room. 

It wasn’t too worrying to be summoned to talk to Xavier as he seemed to be doing rather infrequent check-ups on you. 

You turned back to Logan, who was watching you, waiting.

As you started walking, he spoke, his voice softer now. “How are you feeling?”

It was nice to feel as though his guard dropped when nobody else was around. 

“Better,” You said.

“You seem better,” He commented. 

You nodded slightly as you walked alongside him down the quiet hallway. Something about that made warmth stir in your chest.

It felt nice to have resolved everything with Rogue after feeling so awful about it, and coming out on the other side your friendship seemed to be slightly stronger than before. 

Before you could pull yourself out of your own thoughts to say something else to him - as there were a lot of things you wanted to say - he stopped outside a door. 

“I’ll wait out here,” Logan spoke, leaning his shoulder against the wall by the door. 

You watched him warily for a few moments before nodding again. 

“Alright,” You smiled at him softly.

He winked at you, nodding his head to the door to indicate for you to go in. “Go on.”

You felt your cheeks heat up, hesitating before pushing the door open and going in.

Xavier was already watching the door expectantly from behind the desk, smiling as you came in.

It was a lot bigger of a room than you had met him in previously, and the way the old furniture was well-worn you figured this was where Xavier spent most of his time. 

“Thanks for coming to see me,” He spoke warmly. 

You smiled and nodded. “Of course.”

“How are you finding things as of late?” Xavier spoke “Feel free to take a seat,”

You nodded once more and sat down on the plush looking seat opposite his desk.

“Fine - good, actually,” You spoke truthfully. 

He nodded slightly. 

“I heard you’ve settled into combat training quite well,” He said. 

You nodded. “Logans’ a great teacher.” 

You weren’t quite sure why you said that. For some reason you felt the need to speak the truth and only the truth to Xavier, all things considered. 

“I’m sure he is,” Xavier spoke with a small hint of a laugh.

There was a thoughtful pause. 

“Tell me…” He started “have you ever considered the possibility that there are pieces of your memories that do not belong to you alone?”

You couldn’t help but to frown at that.

“That’s a weird way to phrase a question,” You said. 

Xavier only watched you as if expecting you to answer.

“I don’t understand,” You admitted.

There was another pause, and Xaviers’ gaze flickered around the room, seemingly apprehensive. 

“I crossed paths with your brother many years ago,”  Xavier spoke.

You frowned again.

“What? When?” You asked.

Your mind began to race at the thought of the kind of interactions your brother could have had coming face to face with a mutant.

“I met him when he was young, after his mutation had manifested,” Xavier said.

It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room.

“I offered him another path here - a place to be safe and learn how to harness his gifts,” Xavier spoke, slowly and steadily.

A wave of disbelief came over you, shaking your head slightly as you couldn’t wrap your mind around it. 

You could only watch him as he spoke, trying to process what he was saying.

“He was remarkable,” Xavier added, another gentle blow to your thoughts. 

He was a mutant? How could he have kept something like that a secret?

“I wish I could say I convinced him. That he accepted my offer here and found a new path. But in the end, there are those we can help - and those who choose another path,” Xavier spoke.

A thin silence fell over the room as your thoughts turned over in your head. 

“He was a mutant..his whole life he was a mutant and he never told anyone,” You spoke in disbelief “I don’t understand.”

Your thoughts and emotions seemed out of sync - your thoughts racing uncontrollably, while your emotions trailed slowly behind, and you were struggling to make sense of it all.

“Why would he not tell me? Why would he treat me like that when he knew I was a mutant?” Your voice catches in desperation.

Xavier hesitated, but there was always a knowing look about him.

“I regret that I could not guide him.” Xavier spoke softly, obviously choosing his words wisely “It’s not uncommon for mutants to keep their abilities secret - even from those they love most.”

You ran a hand through your hair, pausing halfway to hold your head, tilting it back as you stared up at the ceiling now.

You were struggling with the idea that what you knew about your brother and your upbringing had shattered, left with questions you were more than likely never going to get answered. 

He was a mutant. He had been a mutant right up to the moment he died. 

“Fuck,” You breathed out in disbelief. 

“And my parents? Did they know he was a mutant?” You asked, eyes still gazing up at the ceiling and hoping Xavier could answer at least that much. 

“Yes, they did,” Xavier spoke.

You let out a small breath, thinking through what that meant and unsure of how it all made you feel. 

You dropped your hand now, eyes following and falling to look at the floor. 

You felt a wave of sadness at the thought of your brother hiding such a huge part of himself from you.

“Why are you telling me this now?” You said “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

"I have long believed that some truths reveal themselves when one is ready to face them." Xavier said softly.