Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Even outside of his island lair, Eggman’s diabolical laugh carried his wicked glee. Within his computer room, you could turn off the lights and his smile would still keep the room white.

“Yes! I knew my sly comment would ensure a 3rd season. Take that metanarrative loss!” He tapped at his computer. “Now back to the status quo: finding out how to destroy that miserable mammal Sonic the Hedgehog. And his friends. I really need to start including them in my insults.”

Orbot and Cubot floated next to the seated doctor.

“How do you plan to destroy Sonic this time?" asked Orbot. "Secure a brand deal with Meh Burger, try to turn Team Sonic against each other, or a simple all out robot assault?”

Eggman slammed his fist on the table. “I tried those all before and none of them worked!” He sighed. “I know this may come as a surprise, but I’ve done nothing but lose against Sonic.”

Orbot and Cubot stared at him.

“Be surprised!” He yelled.

"Gasp," they both stated.

Eggman shook his head. “Remind me to turn your arms into back scratchers later.” He turned to the computer full of Sonic and friends battling Badniks. “I don’t understand. It’s almost like there’s some factor that prevents my robots from winning. An unchanging variable that sabotages their effectiveness.” He twirled his mustache. “But what?”

Cubot opened his mouth. “Maybe it’s your strategies.”

“What!” Eggman roared. “Why you insipid asinine dumbbot!” Eggman froze. “You’re right!” He grinned.

Orbot and Cubot gasped for real.

“Nothing is wrong with my strategies of course. But due to me and Sonic’s constant epic battles, he must’ve gotten used to my strategies. Much like I’ve done with him of course. We’re in each other’s heads. We’re two halves of a grand conflict. We’re both entwined in the same dance.” He posed gracefully.

“Yeah. And you both know each other very well.” You know who said that.

“My ingeniously designed bots have found more success when controlled by others.” The screen showed videos of W.D. Barker and The Lighting Bolt Society controlling bots. Team Sonic was flustered and disoriented within these battles. There was hesitation in each strike. Attacks would catch them off guard. Eggman scratched his chin. “What I need is an accessible way for people to organize attacks on Sonic. A way to encourage people to design robot attacks. A way to get the attention of many people.  And it all needs to be wrapped in an evil package.” He pondered. Ding. “I got it! The perfect distribution system.” He laughed diabolically.

Chapter Text

Team Sonic was at Meh Burger. Their plates held nibbled Meh burgers, for if you ate too much of the burger at once an uncomfortable trip to the bathroom was inevitable.

“Does anyone else feel like an entire decade passed this previous week?” said Sticks. “I got the aching feeling that aliens have been using their time disturbance rays to rapidly age our populations into a weak and vulnerable state.”

“Oh Sticks, don’t you know the old saying,” said Knuckles. “There are weeks where decades happen, and weeks where decades happen. So every week is supposed to feel like a decade.”

Amy rolled her eyes. “At least there was an attempt at an advanced literary reference.”

“I do get where Sticks is coming from,” said Sonic. “Of course when you’re the fastest thing alive even time feels slow.”

“I need to say something before the plot kicks in!” blurted Tails. He sighed in relief. “Done.”

A notification binged from their communicators. Sticks frantically turned her head back and forth. 

“Looks like Eggman’s posted a new video on Scrambler,” said Tails.

“Scrambler!” screeched Sticks. “Why did you all sign back up when Eggman brought that nexus of hatred back? I mean, who in their right mind would use social media controlled by someone so obviously, indisputably, and cartoonishly evil!?”

Amy shunned her eyes. Sonic cleared his throat. Knuckles blankly stared. Tails had a tight smile with an even tighter chuckle. “It lets us keep our eyes on Eggman?”

Sticks glowered at them with a small growl. They all quickly opened the video.

“Attention citizens of Hedgehog Village. I’ve come to make an announcement. Sonic The Hedgehog is a- Cubot! Wrong cue cards!” Eggman clears his throat. “Behold: Robots Attack! An all new mobile game designed by yours truly.”

“Who’s yours truly?” said Knuckles. “Never heard of them before. I better look them up when I get some time.”

“In Robots Attack! You organize, plan, and coordinate robot attacks against Sonic The Hedgehog in a variety of locations. Choose from a vast array of iconic Eggman Industries robots: Crab Bot, Decimator Bot, Obliterator Bot, Mega Bot, Shark Bot, Ballot Stuffer Bot, and more! Not to mention special legendary and seasonal variants! Like the newly released Partridge in a Pair Tree Crab Bot. Within Robots Attack! ’s dynamic and precise robot coordinating grid, design expert and efficient strategies dedicated to stomping out that blue menace once and for all. Every hit on Sonic gets you a victory point. The more victory points you have the higher you’ll climb in the leaderboard. See if you can be the number one strategist and infinite bragging rights! Download now, and receive 50,000 free Sparcium! Join Robots Attack! Today!”

“So we all know what this is right?” said Tails.

“Did you seriously just ask that with Knuckles around?” said Sonic.

Knuckles stared at his communicator. “It says here that Yorz Troolly is an indie developer who makes games heavily inspired by Tamatopotamus. Eggman is clearly stealing labor. Amy, I want a case file on this by tomorrow morning.”

Amy shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Knuckles, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this. You are not the district attorney.”

“Really?” He held his chin. “I feel like it was the logical next step after my day as mayor.”

“Back on topic,” said Tails. “Eggman is clearly using the game as a way to get new strategies to defeat Sonic.”

No one on Team Sonic even tried to frown, much less gasp or panic. Not even Sticks.

“Look Tails, not to sound like I have a superiority complex,” said Sonic. “But I’m not really worried about the plans the villagers have. Most of them are dumber than Knuckles.”

Knuckles held his communicator to his ear. “Hello. Yorz Troolly. I’m Judge Knuckles. I’m just calling to make sure you appear at your court date tomorrow where we sue the pants off Eggman. Don’t worry. I’ll rig it in your favor.” The communicator's hangup sounded like the Sonic death noise from the games.

“Please don’t tell me you actually called them,” said Amy.

“Of course not. I don’t even know her number,” said Knuckles.

“Anyways,” continued Sonic. “Who’s even gonna download Eggman’s dumb app anyways?”

An army of Badniks approached Meh Burger’s lack of an entrance. The main attack force was a row of 5 Scorpion Bots with a row of 3 Crab Bots in front and behind. To the right was a swarm of Bee Bots. To the left was a Mega Bot. “Tremble in fear before the genius of Dave The Intern!” Dave stepped out from behind the counter. “With Eggman’s bots, I’ll finally destroy Sonic The Hedgehog.” He pressed the big red button on the app. “Robots Attack!” His voice cracked on the first “A”.

Sonic groaned. He leapt onto the table and stood tall, triumphantly declaring, “Not if we have anything to say about it! Knuckles care to give me a kickstart?”

“I think a fiststart would be more effective.”

Sonic rolled his eyes. “Yeah sure. Just be ready to punch me.” 

Sonic jumped down to the floor and charged his ball form. Knuckles stomped over, lurching his fist high in the air, and slammed his fist into the ball. Sonic rammed through the Crab and Scorpion bots, knocking them down to pieces like a bowling ball through pins.

Sticks held out her staff and spun around on her heel. Amy pulled out her hammer, jumped in the air, and landed on the staff’s front. Sticks’ swing launched Amy forward. She spun, becoming a blocky cyclone. She tore through the swarm, leaving the Bee Bots to drop dead like flies, or perhaps some other insect.

Tails took to the air, racing to Mega Bot. With its large red eye, Mega Bot blasted red beams at Tails. He swooped and flipped around them, reaching into his pack for a thick disk. He rushed at Mega Bot’s eye, and slapped the disk on. Tails pulled up and away as the disk blinked rapidly. An explosion took off Mega Bot’s head. The body practically snapped to the ground.

“Ah man,” whined Dave. “Now I get why we have that ‘smash your phone into pieces before your shift or else’ policy.”

Chapter Text

The beach in front of Sonic’s house had nice cool breezes and light warm sun. Tails and Amy were relaxing in lawn chairs. Sonic was on the bench press, and Knuckles was spotting him.

“Is this really necessary, Knuckles? I’d say I’m already pretty muscular.” Sonic flexed the pencils attached to his shoulders.

“Absolutely. With the villagers planning attacks on us, you’re going to need a lot more than those noodle arms of yours,” said Knuckles. Sonic rolled his eyes. “Now. Let’s start off with just the bar.” Knuckles handed Sonic the stick.

The bar rocketed into Sonic’s chest. He wheezed in pain as his feet rapidly kicked in a blur.

Knuckles shook his head and sighed. “I knew this was going to happen. Here let me help.” He flicked the stick off like a bug.

Sonic leaped up, gasping for air. “Thanks Knux. I was about to faint.”

Tails flew over. “Knuckles. Can you be more careful next time? This nearly hit me in the head.” He whined. He waved the stick in one hand.

Sonic fainted. His face kicked up sand.

A group of villagers walked to the beach. The group included Lady Goat, Old Monkey, Fastidious Beaver, Lady Walrus, and Rabbit Girl. They all had their phones out.

Amy lowered her sunglasses. “Villagers? What are you all doing here?”

“Making sure our attacks go as planned,” said Lady Goat in her signature bleating voice.

Swarms and legions of badniks came from the sea, the sand, the jungle, and the air. Ball bots flew in. Decimator Bot felled trees as it raced forward. Mantis and Beetle Bots dug themselves out of the dunes. The Shark Bots leaped out of the water, flopped onto the sand, and beached themselves.

“Dang it,” said Lady Goat. She dropped her head and walked away.

“Robots Attack!” shouted the rest of the villagers, as they pressed their digital big red buttons simultaneously.

Decimator Bot stomped over, fist reeled back. Knuckles raced forward, his fist the same. The two drove their fists forward.

They connected, releasing a small shockwave. Neither one flinched. Though Decimator Bot left a small trail sliding back. Their fists locked together. Both fighters leaned forward, trying to push the other’s arm back. Neither budged.

Decimator Bot’s commander, Rabbit Girl, was currently on her scrambler account, telling her followers to use her creator code for Robots Attack! in order to get 4 free Unboxes, with a chance at getting the exclusive Golden Motobug bot.

Sonic pinballed around between Mantis and Beetle Bots. His spindashes were cleaving through them without a scratch from a blade or burn from an electric bolt. Up until, he bounced off a Beetle Bot’s shield. He ricocheted back, having to land on his feet. From behind, a Mantis Bot threw blades at him. A quick glance back and Sonic casually dodged by stretching to his side. The blades raced forward, clipping through the Beetle Bot’s shield, and digging into the nearby rocks. Sonic grinned. “Hey bug brain, you missed me!” He waved his arms around. The Mantis Bot launched another set of blades. Faster than anyone could react, Sonic ran over to the blades and turned them in midair, pointing them square at the Beetle Bot. Time went back to normal, and the blades went through the shield and cut the Beetle Bot in half. The Mantis Bot panicked. Sonic leaned on its shoulder. “You sure do need to work on your aim.” Sonic leaped into the air and homing attacked the bot, knocking the head clean off. The headless scrap flopped onto the ground.

“Well I never!” said Lady Walrus, who sent the Mantis Bots.

“You know, back in my day, we were glad to be attacked by robots,” said Old Monkey, who sent the Beetle Bots.

Tails pulled out two laser blasters. His blasters had cylindrical orange barrels, black handles, and advanced rectangular scopes with orange lenses. He twirled them on his fingers before flying into the air. He flipped onto his back, shifting his tails to hover. He whirled in circles and fired crackling orange bolts at Ball Bots. Whipping his arms around as he spun, the dual-wielding twin-tail fox blasted Ball Bots, alternating hands each shot. He spun slowly in a circle, wailing on the triggers. He closed his eyes and squealed with glee as his arms danced around. He opened his eyes to line up a shot.

In the middle of focusing within his scope, he paused. He looked out of his scope, shocked. One Ball Bot was green instead of gray, with a blue eye instead of a red one. “What is that?” He went back to his usual hovering stance.

Fastidious Beaver spoke up. “It’s the rare Camouflage Ball Bot. It took me 300 Unboxes. Each Unbox cost 10 Eggs. Every 5 Unboxes required me to refresh the amount of Unboxes available by using a Fregosi Sapphire. You can earn Eggs through in-game missions. Though since the game was just released I had to pay $2.99 for each Egg. At least I would have, if not for the special Egg Carton and Egg Basket Deals. They allowed me to buy 12 Eggs for $34.99 and 40 Eggs for $119.99. Meanwhile, Fregosi Sapphires can only be bought for $7.99.” Everybody stared at him, even the Ball Bots. “I don’t have a problem.”

Sonic sped by. “Geez. I thought you were a beaver, not a whale.” He leapt up and homing attacked the Camouflage Ball Bot. It exploded into naught but ash and dust. The ash and dust floated to the ground.

“There goes my life savings down the drain,” said Fastidious Beaver.

Amy whipped out her Enerbeam. She flung it up, wrapping around a Ball Bot. She ran forward and swung up into the air. She retracted her Enerbeam and rolled through the sky. She bounced from Ball Bot to Ball Bot. With each leap she either smashed the ball down with her hammer or stomped with her jump. She approached Decimator Bot, still stuck in place with a yawning Knuckles. She slammed down on a Ball Bot, the metal crinkling, flipping herself up. She raised her hammer above her head, diving towards the Decimator Bot.

With a thunderous wrenching, she slammed Decimator Bot’s head down, tearing it off and burying it in the sand.

“Whatever.” Rabbit Girl walked away.

“I’ll need to take out a loan,” said Fastidious Beaver as he walked away.

Team Sonic stood on the laser-scorched beach. Sand and bruises clung to their bodies. Sonic looked over at his shack. Hundreds of Mantis blades were lodged in his walls. “Yeah. We’re gonna have to do something about this.”

Chapter Text

Knuckles was sitting on his head, practically handstanding without hands on Amy’s pink designer-brand couch. His red quills poked holes in the cushions.

“Knuckles. Do you have to sit like that?” Amy sat across from him.

“Sit like what?”

She grimaced. Beside her Tails was typing away at his datapad.

“Any luck Tails?” asked Sonic. He was pacing around Amy’s house.

“Don’t you think if I did I would’ve brought it up?” Tails glared.

“I’m impatient,” Sonic tapped his foot.

“Eggman’s encryption is seriously tough. You can’t even mod this game. It could take me weeks to crack it.”

“Great. So now we’re stuck with the villagers attacking us whenever.” Amy sunk her head onto her crossed arms. She launched up. “Wait, I know! We’ll start a grassroots boycott against the app. Don’t worry, I just realized that this idea will never work because it’s our village.” She sighed and faceplanted into her knees.

Knuckles pressed buttons on his communicator. He tapped with smug glee.

“Knuckles. What are you doing?” pressed Sonic.

“Well since Tails can’t out-computer the app, and Amy can’t out-social it. I’m going to take the time to be number 1 on the leaderboard. You better start watching your back Sonic. I’m not gonna go easy.”

“Pfft,” began Amy, Sonic, and Tails in unison. “Any attack you plan Knuckles will be a walk in the park. Heck, we’d have easy times if we let you plan all the attacks.” The three gasped. “That’s it!” They rapidly tapped their communicators.

“What’s it?” asked Knuckles.

The other three sighed.

“Who’s turn is it to explain things to Knuckles?” asked Tails. “I just explained something to him.”

“It’s supposed to be Sticks,” said Amy. “But she’s hiding in her burrow right now. So it’s Sonic’s turn.”

“Dang it.” Sonic took a deep breath. “Ok. We’re all gonna download the app and purposefully make easy attacks so we can relax.”

Knuckles blinked.

Sonic sighed. “Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

“I better tell Sticks to help us,” said Tails. He dialed Sticks.

Sticks’ landline rang.

With an echoing bang the phone was filled with holes.

Sticks ejected the two spent shells from her shotgun. She loaded two bullets in and cocked it. The click made breathing easier. “Not this time, mobile game.” Her green war facepaint was stiff. “There’s no way you’re taking my private data to the government. Or the aliens. Or the aliens controlling the government!” Her burrow had beartraps and snares all across the floor. She sat down on a stool and wiped her gun. Her eyes bore into her front door, now covered in nailed boards. She shifted her gun towards the door and sat in still silence.

Chapter Text

Sonic strutted through town. He yawned as a trio of robots tailed him. He looked back. Ballot Stuffer Bot was flanked by two Motobugs on each side. Sonic smirked. He backflipped into the air. The millisecond his nose pointed at the left Motobug, he zoomed to the bot. He slammed the Motobug, then bounced up. He arched over and bashed the other. He then pounded the Ballot Stuffer Bot into the ground like a jackhammer. Bam bam bam. Sonic zoomed back to his original spot, landed on his feet, swiped his nose, and walked away. The Motobugs blew up.

Comedy Chimp and Wolf Sidekick peered out from an alleyway. “That strategy was a complete joke!” Comedy Chip thought for a moment. “That means I still got it!”

“You sir are a master of self-deprecating comedy!” said Wolf Sidekick.

Sonic sat down with his friends at Meh Burger. “So who’s attack is up next?”

“Should be mine.” Tails stuffed a fry in his mouth. It cracked and splintered in his mouth. His jaw jittered. His friends looked on in horror. He spat on sharp shards. He licked his lips, smearing blood on them. He gulped. “Remind me to go to schedule my dentist appointment.”

Amy pushed her fries away.

Sonic looked around. “So where is it?”

Tails pulled out a magnifying glass. “Right here.” A flea bot was repeatedly slamming into Sonic’s cup, fruitlessly trying to topple his drink.

Sonic smirked. “Ok. Hold it steady.” Tails stiffened his grip on the magnifying glass. Sonic stuck out his thumb. Closing an eye and sticking out his tongue, he gingerly guided his thumb near the flea bot. After the flea bot bounced off the cup once again, Sonic slammed his thumb down on the microscopic bot. He lifted his thumb. A dot of black oil and microscopic metal chips stained his glove. Most of the scrap remained on the table. Sonic kicked back and relaxed, letting out a content sigh. “You know. I could get used to this.”

“Oh boy. It’s time for my attack!” said Knuckles with a grin.

The Mega steamed through the village streets, scraping to a halt in front of Meh Burger.

Everyone glared at a content Knuckles.

“Amy. Let’s serve up some fries,” said Tails with a smirk.

She grinned, smugly knowing the plan.

Tails grabbed his and Amy’s fries and hurled them into the air. She jumped and swung a complete circle with her hammer, rocketing the fries forward on impact. The fries razored through The Mega, leaving the chassis riddled with smoldering holes. It slumped over.

Amy landed, stomping over to Knuckles. “Knuckles! What was that all about? I thought we agreed to make things easy.” She gripped her hammer tightly.

“No. Sonic said to keep doing what I’m doing. And what I’m doing is getting to the top of the leaderboard.”

Amy and Tails laughed.

“You’re gonna be at the top of the leaderboard?” said Tails. “You couldn’t strategize your way out of a paper bag. Literally. I watched you for 5 hours struggling with it.”

“Nobody told me that paper was so easy to tear!”

“Face it, Knuckles,” said Amy. “You don’t have a chance at the top of the leaderboard. And even if you were skilled enough it wouldn’t matter. As there’s only one person here who could hold that spot.”

“Me,” said Tails and Amy. They turned to each other.

“Oh no. I know where this is going.” Sonic pulled his ears down.

“Tails. Just because you’re familiar with machinery and technology doesn’t mean you’re an expert strategist,” said Amy, disappointed.

“Yes it does,” whined Tails. “I know the strengths and weaknesses of each bot. I know how to maximize not only each type, but also each individual unit. What are your credentials?”

Amy showed off the Robots Attack! battle grid. “Eggman quite obviously based the grid on Fuzzy Puppy Buddies’ grid. Using this app is second nature to me. I’d catch Sonic in no time.” She was leaning forward just enough to where she could stare directly into Tails’ eyes, but still be clearly taller than him.

Tails took to his tails and hovered at eye level with her. “You say that. But I’ve actually managed to catch Sonic. You’ve been chasing him for years and never once succeeded.”

Amy gritted her teeth and furrowed her brow. “Maybe not. But I have practice. I’ve learned. I’ve studied Sonic. Examined him. I know him better than you.”

Tails snarled. “You did NOT just say that.”

The hedgehog and the fox were in each other’s faces. With gritted teeth and eyes filled with flame, they growled and snarled at each other. Both ready at a moment’s notice to tear each other apart.

They snapped around and took to their phones. They raced away in opposite directions, tapping furiously within the app.

“It’s gonna be a long week,” groaned Sonic.