Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It wasn’t a great situation and Jess was almost certain he wasn’t going to make it any better by getting in the middle of it. At the same time, he wasn’t sure he could bear to stand idly by either. After all, he knew this kid. He had been this kid, in a strange way. Of course, he knew he wouldn’t have appreciated the interference at that age, but he also knew that, when it did come, it was for his own good.

Fourteen was such a crappy age to be. Too old to be a child, too young to be an adult. Everything’s changing. Nothing fits, nothing works, nothing is exactly how you want it to be, and the worst of it is nobody seems to understand how you’re feeling. It was definitely the point where Jess had gone downhill. When things with Liz had gotten so much worse. He was old enough by then to know too much of what she did, but still wasn’t in a position where he could stop her or help her, not really.

Not that he thought this kid had those kinds of problems. No, he had his own stuff going on. Stuff that Jess didn’t think he should ask about, and yet he already knew he was going to, because what other choice did he really have? No choice at all, that was the truth of it.

Sitting back in his seat, he side-eyed the far table one more time. It was so damn obvious this kid wasn’t used to the city. He certainly not used to being alone in a strange place. Trying to look confident, almost cocky, but the fidgeting and fussing, no matter how subtle, gave him away to those that knew.

He kept on checking his phone, over and over, with this frown that proved he didn’t like what he was seeing, or maybe what he wasn’t seeing. A lack of funds could be an issue. A lack of response to a message perhaps. Could even be a negative reply. Somebody who he hoped would help him out, saying now they couldn’t give him a bed for the night or spot him some money.

“You know him, don’t you?”

The unassuming waitress put his empty plate and balled up napkins onto her tray to take away. She looked up at the mirror on the opposite wall, watching the kid that way for a moment, then her eyes shifted back to Jess. Her expression was nothing but curious and kind. After all, she knew him pretty well at this point. Knew he wasn’t a man she had to worry about keeping an eye on somebody else’s kid.

“Enough that I have to help,” he said, heaving a sigh. “Wish me luck.”

“You don’t need it.” Greta shook her head, patted him on the shoulder as he slipped by her.

Jess moved to the table alongside the one where the kid was frowning at his cell all over again. When he noticed he had company, or close enough anyway, he squirmed in his seat, made a big deal about pulling his bag closer across the table, turning his back a little bit. After a minute of Jess trying to decide how to start a conversation, the kid made up his mind for him.

“What are you looking at, old man?” he asked, complete with a strangely familiar stare that some might even call withering.

It made Jess smile without even meaning to. “You know, you look a lot like your mother when you do that.”

“Get lost, jerk. You want me to call the cops on you?”

“And you sound a lot like your father when you talk like that.” Jess sighed, getting up from his seat to move over to the kid’s table.

He raised his hands in mock surrender when it was clear he was getting ready to bolt. That was the very last thing this situation needed.

“Relax. I’m not a weirdo or a pervert or a pothead or anything.”

“You know that’s exactly what weirdos, perverts, and potheads say, right?”

“Good point.” Jess nodded as he considered a moment. “But in this case, it’s true. I’m really not any of those things, and I really do know your parents, Noah.”

The spark of recognition at the sound of his name proved to Jess that he hadn’t got the wrong kid (as if that would happen) and also that the boy wasn’t the practised liar that his father had always been either. Of course, that kind of thing could be genetic, but Jess always suspected the influence of a person’s parents, or whoever else raised them, probably had the bigger impact. Noah’s mother was honest as the day was long, except for that one time when she had an affair with an engaged man...

“Just because you know my name doesn’t mean-”

“How’s your Grandpa Luke doing?” Jess cut in before anymore of the semi-angry and indignant speech made it out of Noah’s mouth. “I know he did the whole ‘I’m fine’ thing after his fall, but you and I both know that it was a pretty nasty fracture he had. At his age, bones just don’t heal as fast or as strong sometimes. God, I’ll bet he was hell to be around for a while, huh? He does a good grumpy old man, even when he’s healthy.”

Noah’s expression was almost comical as he tried to figure out what the hell was going on. How Jess could possibly know so much about his grandpa. How it had come to pass that he ended up running away to a place where some guy he couldn’t identify was there to meet him. That last one had Jess a little puzzled too, but now really wasn’t the time to dwell on it.

“You know Grandpa Luke?” Noah asked carefully. “For real?”

Jess nodded his head. “He’s my uncle.”

That got the wide eyes and gaping mouth that was almost expected. It also made Jess notice just how blue those eyes were, so very much like Rory’s eyes, it was almost scary. Then he saw a light dawn in those same eyes, a sigh of relief making Noah’s shoulders sag.

“You’re Jess.”

“I’m Jess,” he confirmed. “I would’ve led with that, but I wasn’t so sure...”

“They talk about you,” Noah told him without pause. “Sometimes a lot. I always think Grandma Lorelai doesn’t like you much, but then she just... I don’t know, it’s like she wishes she didn’t like you, but she does.”

Jess smirked hard. “Yeah, that sounds right. Well, now the formalities are out of the way, you wanna tell me what you’re doing here, more than a hundred miles away from your mom, who is probably freaking out right about now?”

Noah’s eyes hardened. “From the stories I’ve heard about you, I really don’t think you have room to talk.”

There were a million reponses to that remark, Jess knew, and also, a few dozen sources that Noah could have gotten his information from. Luke, Lorelai, Rory, Liz, and maybe a few more besides. He didn’t come off well in any tales from his teenage years, Jess knew that much. Still, that wasn’t the point right now.

“You’re not me,” he said coolly, “and you don’t have my parents, so you don’t have my reasons for acting like hell on wheels, like I did when I was your age. I know your mom well enough to know that she did not raise you to be thoughtless, and she did nothing bad enough to make you wanna run away from her, without so much as a goodbye.”

“How do you know I didn’t say goodbye?”

Jess’ smirk came back, stronger than ever, as he leaned closer across the table towards the kid. “Because Rory is way too smart to wave her fourteen-year-old off into the sunset on some crazy adventure in the big city all by himself,” he said definitely. “Come on, you think I’m dumb enough to believe that she would? I’ve known her a lot longer than you have.”

That was probably a stupid thing to say. Jess knew that before he ever saw the boy bristle. He had no idea what Noah knew about the relationship between himself and Rory from before. If she had said they were friends, if he knew there had been a teenage romance, if he even had a clue they were more than passing acquaintances, barely connected through the marriage of her mom and his uncle. All Jess really knew for certain was that Noah shouldn’t be in New York by himself and that, somehow, he had to convince him to go home, now.

“You think you know so much, Jess Mariano,” he said pointedly, clearly trying to show off that he at least knew the last name of this man he just met. “You don’t know as much about me or my mom as you think you do, and I’ll bet you don’t know anything at all about my dad.”

At that, Jess bit his lip. He actually knew more about Noah’s father that he wanted to, and most of it not at all good. If he said that, he could see an awkward situation getting twice as bad in a matter of seconds. Treading carefully was his only real way forward, but what could he really say about Logan Huntzberger that wasn’t insulting?

The blond dick that Rory met at Yale, with the flashy car and the bad attitude. Who saw drinking and partying as a perfectly reasonable hobby to indulge in on a twenty-four-seven basis, when the mood took him. A guy who got a good job because daddy handed it to him, and believed that having his cake and eating it too was just par for the course. A fancy family-approved fiancé in one country, an ex-girlfriend to keep the bed warm elsewhere, and then, when there were consequences to his actions, what did he do? Promised the earth and didn’t deliver even a fraction of it.

Absent fathers. Jess and Noah had that in common, but now didn’t seem the best time to mention it. Sure, there was every chance that he could track Logan down, that maybe Huntzberger would even be happy to see his kid. Maybe he would apologise, give a speech about how he just wasn’t cut out to be a dad, but that wasn’t anybody’s fault, it was just the way God made him. Maybe Jess was just transferring. Logan wasn’t really anything like Jimmy, absence aside. At least, he had to assume that he wasn’t. It had been quite a while since he crossed paths with Logan. Thank God.

“You’re right,” he said eventually. “I don’t know your father all that well, but I do know who he is. We met before, a few times.”

Noah’s lips twitched like he wanted to say something, but no words came. If Jess was a betting man, he would put a few bucks on a fair guess that the poor kid was about to say Jess had done better than him. Noah didn’t know his father all that well either. In fact, he had never really met him, not in a way that he would remember clearly. He would be almost as much of a stranger to him as Jess had been, until a few minutes ago.

“Look, whatever is going on here, we both know that somebody needs to call your mom and let her know where you are and that you’re safe,” he said, unwilling to take any arguments on that point, at least.

“I can’t call her.” Noah shook his head, looking down. “Uh, my phone died.”

That was something Jess absolutely wasn’t buying, but he would let it go for now. Maybe it was better if somebody else called Rory, although he knew he didn’t want it to be him, any more than Noah wanted the privelege.

“Okay.” He sighed, getting up from his seat. “Are you gonna stay there for the next five minutes while I make a call?”

He eyed the kid suspiciously and with good reason. There was nothing to say that as soon as he turned his back, Noah wouldn’t bolt. Maybe that wasn’t the kind of thing Rory would do as a teen, but he could imagine Logan had been just that slippery.

“Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.”

Jess rolled his eyes. “Let’s put it this way, if you’re not here when I get back, my next call is going to be to the cops. They take runaway teens pretty seriously, and it’s not like I can’t give them plenty of information about you and...” He lifted his cell fast and snapped a picture. “Now, I have a very recent photograph too. You run, it’s your choice, but now, you know the consequences.”

Before Noah could say anything else, Jess moved away from him, already scrolling through the contacts on his phone. He didn’t have a direct number for Rory. There was a cell number still there, but he was 99% sure it didn’t work. He didn’t have the number for her house at all. Of course, he had numbers in Stars Hollow he could call, but for so many reasons, because of so many conversations he really didn’t want to have, he skipped by all of them. Returning to the top-end of his contact list, he hit call before he could change his mind again.

“It’s not my birthday.”

He smirked at her opening gambit, unable to help it. “I do not only call you on your birthday.”

“True, but you’ve never exactly been chatty. What’s up, cous?” April asked him then.

Jess took a deep breath, glanced in the mirror to see Noah squirming in his seat, then closed his eyes before he spoke. “I need you to call Rory.”

“O-kay,” said April awkwardly. “And what exactly do you want me to say to her when I call? ‘Jess says hey’? I mean, no offence, but I really think you should be able to do that for yourself at forty-six years old...”

“This isn’t about me,” he told her fast. “It’s about her kid. Since the distress flares aren’t flying yet, I’m guessing they don’t know he’s gone so far, but Stars Hollow to New York is a couple of hours journey minimum, and we’re a pretty good distance from the depot here... Can you just call her, please? Tell her... Tell her that Noah decided to take a bus ride in search of the absent father, but that he’s okay.”

“He’s okay, because he’s with you,” said April, with a look he could just hear. “How’d that happen?”

“If I believed in fate and destiny, I’d have an answer for you,” he countered, peering over his shoulder for a second and feeling equal parts relieved and awkward to see his new ward was still there. “As it is, call it pure dumb luck. I just need you to let Rory know what’s going on. I... I don’t want her to worry.”

The silence that followed meant that his cousin was trying to find the right words to tell him something he probably wouldn’t want to hear. He knew her well enough to be certain of that. Lo and behold, April proved him right, less than thirty seconds later.

“You know, I could give you her number-”

“Just call her, please?” he urged her one more time. “I don’t exactly ask you for a lot of favours, and if we’re going to start tallying up the number of times that I-”

“I’ll do it,” April told him fast. “Geez, you’re gonna hold that stuff against me forever, aren’t you?”

“Only when I need the leverage,” Jess told her straight, “but seriously, April, thanks for this.”

“You’re welcome.” She sighed heavily. “Okay, he’s in New York, he went looking for the ass that is Huntzberger, and he’s safe with you. Anything else? I mean, does she need to come pick him up or are you escorting him home?”

Jess opened his mouth to reply but no words came out. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. Of course, they had to have a plan for getting Noah back where he belonged. Either someone had to collect him or Jess had to deliver him, because nobody was going to trust the kid to go where he was supposed to after this, not for a good long while, if ever again.

“Jess?”

“I don’t know yet.” He shook his head, even though it was pointless, since April couldn’t see. “There is no plan, at least not beyond I’m going to take him to my place and keep him there, as long as I can. I think he trusts me enough for that, but knowing stubborn teenagers like I do...”

“I get it,” April agreed. “Okay, I’ll call Rory right now.”

Their conversation ended, Jess headed back to the table but didn’t sit back down. “This all your stuff?” he asked, tilting his head at the duffel Noah held.

“I travel light.” He nodded. “Are you taking me to see my dad?”

“Not right now,” said Jess, choosing his words carefully. “I’ve left a message for your mom saying we’re going to be at my place. So, until we hear anything back, that’s where we need to be.”

He gave him a look that dared the kid to argue, hoping it was as impressive as the kind he used to get from Luke, once upon a time. Not that they had exactly had the desired effect when he was seventeen, but Jess was banking on the fact that Noah was that bit younger, and also, made of a better quality of DNA, on one side of his family tree, if not the other.

“Fine,” Noah huffed, getting up to go, “but you should know that I am not going home until I see my dad. That is non-negotiable.”

Jess would love to argue with him, he really would, but it was hardly his place. Besides, it would make him kind of a hypocrite if he tried. After all, he had gone cross-country, rather than just one state over, to find his own absent father, many moons ago. Sure, he had been eighteen at the time, not a minor, like Noah was now, but still.

“Save the negotiations for later,” he advised, pulling out his wallet to put the necessary extra couple of bucks on Noah’s bill. “Greta works hard, so she gets a tip, always,” he said by way of explanation, when the kid gave him a weird look.

“Whatever,” he muttered then, hustling on out the door.

“Whatever,” Jess echoed, following on behind.

Chapter Text

“You publish books, right?”

“The company I work for and own a share in does.” Jess nodded, ushering Noah into the apartment.

Honestly, it was nice to hear the kid speak. Not that Jess had ever been much for small talk, but his few meagre attempts on the walk and subway ride over had fallen on stony ground. Apparently, Noah had words enough, when he had a mind to use them.

“Not a bad place,” he said as his eyes moved around the living are of the apartment. “I guess I figured it’d be a little bigger.”

“Truncheon isn’t exactly Penguin Random House or Simon & Schuster, but we do okay. Trust me, this is not a small New York apartment. There wouldn’t be room for the two of us to stand up if it were,” he explained, gesturing for Noah to dump his bag on the couch and even sit there, if he wanted to. “Bathroom’s that way, if you need it,” he pointed. “The other door is the bedroom, and this, obviously, is the kitchen,” he said of the area in the corner with a few units and appliances. “That’s it, that’s the grand tour.”

Noah’s eyes moved around the room, taking in all the details, Jess suspected. He wasn’t sure he could say much else about the place, and now that he had the kid there, Jess had no idea what to do with him. Offering food or drink seemed sensible, given he was a Gilmore, but they had just come from an eatery, so maybe not. He was about to ask if he wanted to watch TV or something, when suddenly, he watched Noah dig into his bag and pull a book straight out. He was settled into the couch cushions, reading contentedly within seconds.

Jess closed his eyes and pushed away the thoughts that immediately came to mind. The fact that Noah looked a lot like Rory. The fact that, on some weird level, he reminded him of himself, even though it was impossible for Noah to have any trace of Jess in him. Mostly he was just glad he saw nothing of Huntzberger when he looked at him. He definitely had more of the Gilmore colouring. Rory had to be glad about that, he was sure.

Leaning back against the refrigerator, he tried to think of how to proceed from here. His cell was heavy in his pocket, even heavier in his hand as he pulled it out to check the screen. It hadn’t made a sound or vibrated at all, so he didn’t really expect any messages.

At this point, Jess wasn’t sure if he was hoping to find some kind of response or not. He hadn’t heard from Rory in God knows how long. Not that he blamed her. It was him that had stopped keeping in contact first. He had his reasons. The main one was sitting on his couch.

Heaving a sigh, Jess put his phone back in his pocket, and turned around to put on the tea kettle. Despite the usual Gilmore poison being coffee, he couldn’t imagine Rory letting her kid gulp down caffeine like that. Of course, he could be wrong.

“Uh, you want a soda?” he called out.

“Sure, thanks,” Noah replied, never once moving his eyes from the page he was reading.

At least that, and the tea he was making for himself, gave Jess something to do for a few brief moments. It wasn’t much, but right now, he would take what he could get. He got a mumbled ‘thanks’ from Noah when he put the can down on the coffee table in front of him, but nothing more. Jess muttered ‘You’re welcome’ and dropped into the nearby chair, holding his mug of tea between his hands. He tried not to stare at the teenager, but it didn’t come easy.

“Whatever you wanna ask, just say it.” Noah glanced at him then. “The staring is still creepy.”

Jess smirked a little, sipped at his tea, then put the mug down on the table, staying leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

“You have any actual memories of me?” he asked curiously, not even sure why it mattered, but he supposed it was better than not talking at all.

“I don’t know, kind of, I think.” Noah squirmed a little, holding his book down in his lap and looking more at the can of soda than at Jess. “It’s hard to know what I remember and what somebody told me. Like I said, they talk about you, sometimes. Grandpa Luke, mostly. I think he misses you.”

Jess opened his mouth to give some response to that, but no words seemed like the right ones. He missed Luke too. He probably should have made more of an effort to go see him, even to call a little more often, but it was tough. Much tougher than he had ever expected in the beginning, when he first heard that Rory was pregnant.

“Uh, yeah, I haven’t been around too much for a while,” he admitted, one hand coming up to scratch the back of his head as he tried so hard not to squirm and was sure he failed. “You know, my dad lives in California, so I spend time over there with him and his family, and then, I was in Europe for a while, for a work thing... You’re probably not all that interested,” he realised aloud, shaking his head.

“Hey, at least when Grandpa Luke complains that you never come home anymore, I can tell him why. Doesn’t seem like you’ve been keeping him in the loop.”

Jess ought to have had a comeback for that. Maybe he would have, if the phone buzzing in his pocket hadn’t taken his attention.

“Talk of the devil,” he muttered, accepting the call without pause and standing up to move away from Noah at the same time. “Luke.”

“Hey, nephew. It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, I guess it has.” Jess bit his lip, hating that it was true, hating more that Noah had been the one to make it patently clear, long before his uncle could. “So, April called you?”

“No, April called Rory, but her cell went to voicemail. She figured any message she left was just going to lead to panic, so then she called me. You have the kid with you?”

“Right here on my couch.” Jess nodded, in spite of the fact Luke couldn’t actually see him, turning around as if to check that Noah really was still there where he left him.

Luke audibly sighed, then either muttered to himself or more likely talked quietly to somebody standing close by, which would be Lorelai, Jess suspected.

“He doing okay?”

“He’s fine. Got a lot of his mother in him.”

“That I know,” said Luke, with a knowing smile that Jess could just hear. “Look, I’d love to say I’ll just drive over there and pick him up, but it’s not really my decision. We’re going to have to tell Rory what happened, and then, it’s going to be her choice what happens next. I just wanted to check in, let you know the situation, make sure everything was okay.”

“Everything is okay,” Jess confirmed, clearing his throat right after. “Ah, you wanna talk to him?”

“Yeah, sure, that’d probably be good.”

Turning around, Jess caught Noah eavesdropping, though he did his best to put his eyes back on his book, making a show of being nonchalant when his attention was called for.

“Hey, it’s your grandpa,” said Jess, gesturing to the phone before tossing it in Noah’s general direction.

He caught the cell easily, letting out a huge huff of a sigh, like everybody was just such a pain. Still, he put the phone to his ear and talked to Luke without any real complaint.

Realising he didn’t want to be an eavesdropper too, Jess grabbed up his mug and went back towards the kitchen to finish drinking there. He stayed at the sink and made a bigger job than was really necessary of cleaning up after himself, trying not to listen. Clearly, Noah didn’t think he was doing a good enough job, as Jess noticed he got up and headed further across the room, even going so far as to go stand in the bathroom.

Jess sighed and shook his head, leaning back against the counter, trying to think what to do for the best. In the relative silence, he thought he heard a sound. Buzzing maybe. Like another cell phone on vibrate? It couldn’t be his own, since Noah was talking on that. Moving back towards the couch, he noticed the kid’s bag lying there, a light visibly flashing in the front pocket.

“So much for a dead battery,” Jess said to himself, checking that Noah hadn’t come back out from the bathroom yet, and pulling the cell from his bag.

He figured since they were in his apartment, and the kid was a minor, and the screen said ‘Mom Calling’, he had a right to intervene. He probably had a duty to, actually. Jess hesitated just for a beat, then he answered.

“Noah Richard Lucas Gilmore, what on earth do you think you’re doing?!”

Jess winced at the full-on mom-voice yelling in his ear, loud enough that it even got Noah’s attention from the next room, or perhaps that was pure coincidence.

“Hey, Rory. This is Jess.”

There was a horribly awkward silence, that felt like so much longer than the few seconds it must have been, then a loud exhale from her.

“Jess. Oh my God, I am so sorry. For the yelling, but also for all of this. For Noah. I mean, seriously, what is he doing?!”

“Right now? Looking pretty uncomfortable about this whole thing.”

He watched and listened as Noah muttered to Luke about Rory being on the other phone and that he had to go, barely hearing Rory herself as she apologised some more for the whole situation.

“I really appreciate you stepping up and trying to help like this,” she told him, even as Noah put his hand out to take his own phone. “I mean, it’s not like you owe me any favours. It’s been a long time and-”

“It’s no problem,” he told her fast, wincing when he realised how he cut her off, but deciding it was better than letting her go on. “Uh, so, here’s your son.”

He handed off the cell then, taking himself off to the bathroom this time, so he wouldn’t hear what was said. That was for his benefit as well as for Noah’s sake.

Alone in the smallest room with the door closed against everyone and everything else, Jess leaned heavily on the basin and tried to remember to breathe. This whole situation was insane, or maybe it was just him, maybe he was certifiable. It wasn’t the first time he wondered if he was a few screws lose. Given his DNA, not to mention some of the substances Liz had no doubt been messing around with when she was carrying him, Jess wouldn’t be all that surprised if he had serious problems with his brain. It would certainly explain a few things.

Glancing up into the mirror, he tried not to shy away from his own reflection. It had taken a long time for him to be able to look himself in the eye and feel good about himself, but he could do it now, most of the time. The idea of Rory and Stars Hollow and all the crap from his teen years and after, it made him waver, made him think too much.

A loud rapping sound startled Jess. He moved quickly to open the door and there was Noah, holding out his cell, though he seemed as if he wished he didn’t have to.

“My mom wants to talk to you again.”

Taking a deep breath that he hoped the kid didn’t notice, Jess took a hold of the cell and put it to his ear as he followed Noah out the door. “Hey.”

“Hey, again. Also, sorry, again. This whole situation is just so... I don’t even know where to start! Um, I guess I should come collect Noah, since I absolutely do not trust him to make his way home alone. It’s just that my car is in the shop until at least Monday, and I could probably ask Mom or Luke, but...”

“What if I brought him home?”

The words were out of his mouth before he had time to check them, and Jess probably would have literally face-palmed if he wasn’t very much aware of Noah watching him, complete with incredulous look on his face.

“Oh, you would...? Uh, are you sure? I really don’t want to put you out any more than we already have.”

“It’s fine. Come on, Rory, you know it’s fine.”

He wasn’t sure how he expected her to know it was fine. After all this time, how could she really know anything about his situation or capabilities or anything anymore? Honestly, Jess wasn’t feeling all that fine about the offer he had made anyway, but there it was. He made it and he would follow through on it, no matter what Rory or Noah or anybody else thought. One word from her and it was a done deal.

“Okay, then I guess it’s fine,” she said at last. “If you wanna get my number from Noah, at least then you can text me if there are any issues.”

“Sure, no problem.”

Text, not call, Jess noticed, but he didn’t say anything about it. After all, it probably would be easier to keep communication to text only from now, especially if that was what she wanted.

God only knew how awkward it would be when they came face to face again, after all this time, when he dropped the kid off in Stars Hollow. It was all Jess could do to focus on the here and now, to keep himself from spiralling in a decidedly downward direction on the ‘what happens next’ stuff.

“You wanna put me back on with Noah one more time?”

“Okay.” It was all he could manage to say, not even a goodbye or see you soon or anything, as he handed the cell back to the waiting teenager.

Jess didn’t hear what was said after that. He wasn’t trying to listen, he honestly didn’t have the capacity for it. In the next twenty-four hours, maybe less, he was going to see Rory Gilmore again. The idea hit him anew, with the impact of a freight train, so real and violent that the concept almost knocked him completely off his feet. He wasn’t ready, he was pretty sure he was never going to be, but he was going to have to be, and that was all there was to it.

Chapter Text

The drive from New York to Stars Hollow was only supposed to take a couple of hours. Checking the clock on the dash, Jess saw that was proving true, and yet, he felt as if he had been trapped in awkward silence with Noah for at least double that length of time. They had to be no more than thirty minutes away from his home by now, and still, the kid said nothing. His earbuds were pushed firmly into his ears and his eyes were fixed on the screen of his cell. That probably should have made things easier, but it didn’t.

Glancing across to the passenger side, Jess could hardly believe this was the same kid that he had held as a baby. Only once, but he remembered it very well. Any memory that included Rory was indelibly marked on his mind, never to fade, and none more so than those last couple of times he had seen her.

“Jess, meet Noah Richard Lucas Gilmore,” she had told him proudly, passing the kid over without a moment’s pause.

It meant a lot that she trusted him that much. Jess wasn’t sure he trusted himself not to drop the poor kid or something. Still, he tried to recall all the things he had been told the first time he was handed his baby sister - support the head, don’t tense up, and so on. Noah seemed comfortable enough in his arms. At one point, Rory even said he clearly liked Jess, because he smiled. At that age, Jess was fairly certain babies didn’t smile, they just got gas and it caused a similar expression. Either way, it had felt like a nice enough moment, until he remembered that the baby wasn’t only the product of Rory, but of Logan Huntzberger too.

Some father he had turned out to be. Noah didn’t have any more concrete memories of his dad than he did of Jess, which was pretty bad. Not that Jess didn’t understand how that went, since he never met his own father until he was eighteen. It was something, he supposed, that Logan had been around in the beginning, which he knew he had. Apparently, not so much for the last dozen years or more.

For all that Noah had been pretty determined he wasn’t leaving New York until he tracked Logan down, the conversation with Rory had clearly put paid to that little run of teenage rebellion. Jess was glad, in one way, and maybe just a little disappointed in another. After all, teenage him would never have listened to his mother’s firm words, telling him he was absolutely not going to go track down his father. Not that Liz often had cause to say that because Jess hadn’t been all that curious, for a long time.

It seemed that, as curious as Noah had been, determined enough to leave his hometown all by himself and take off into the night without a word, Rory’s instruction to come home with Jess as soon as possible was met with little or no resistance. Of course, she had to be a million times better as a mother than Jess’ own mom had ever managed. Still, it made him a little nervous that Noah was just as likely to leap out of the car at the next red light and hitch his way back to the city.

Unfortunately, Jess didn’t feel he was equipped to talk to Noah about his father. Maybe if he didn’t know the guy in question, it would be different, but he did know Logan. He wished to God he didn’t, but he did. Not that he had seen the guy inside of Noah’s lifetime, but that wasn’t the point. Huntzberger was a dick as a young man and was proving to be much the same now that he was older. Jess couldn’t think of a single positive thing that he could say about the guy. No matter how mad Noah was at his father, it certainly wasn’t Jess’ place to add to it.

So, they said nothing. The car was as silent as if it had been empty, all the way from New York to the sign that said that Stars Hollow was a mere twenty miles away. That seemed to get Noah’s attention. His eyes had been closed for most of the journey, but he must have been marking time somehow, because they opened not long before that particular mile marker. His expression had been largely unreadable before, but when he knew home was so close, a kind of nervous energy seemed to build up, not just in his expression, but his whole body.

Jess had to keep his eyes on the road, but it was impossible not to notice the kid shifting around, as he had recently realised he was sitting in the most uncomfortable seat in the world. His phone and earbuds were gone, either into his pocket or the bag in his lap, and his hands wouldn’t be still.

“Almost there,” Jess said pointlessly, though it was nice to know that his vocal cords hadn’t seized up altogether, and that Noah’s hearing wasn’t at all impaired.

“I know that,” he answered sharply. “You know, you can just drop me in town square. You don’t have to actually come to my house or anything.”

Jess tried and failed to keep a smirk from spreading across his lips. “Pretty sure your mom would like it better if I took you to your door.”

The muttered response to that was probably nothing Jess would care to hear, so he didn’t bother to ask Noah to repeat it. Silence reigned once more, until they finally reached the Welcome to Stars Hollow sign.

“Geez, I don’t think that thing has changed in thirty years,” said Jess, without really thinking about it.

“Nothing here changes, ever.” Noah sighed. “I should live in the city.”

“You wouldn’t last a day in the city,” Jess told him like a reflex, wishing he hadn’t said a word the moment the kid started glaring at him, but it didn’t change the fact he was right. “Hey, I have lived in cities and in Stars Hollow, so trust me when I tell you that somebody who has only ever known that crackpot town would never, ever survive long in New York or any other city. That kind of place would eat you alive.”

“You don’t know me.” Noah huffed, equal parts the snotty teen his father had no doubt been once upon a time and the indignant part of Rory that Jess remembered as fondly as he recalled every other part of her.

“No, I don’t know you,” Jess agreed anyway, unable to do anything else.

It was a strange kind of relief as he drove around town square and down towards the Gilmore girls house which now belonged to Lorelai and Luke. From there, it was just a couple of turns to the place Rory and Noah had made their home. Easy distance from the family. It was the only place Jess could imagine for Rory, after everything that had happened.

Pulling the car to a stop, he pulled on the parking brake and looked up and the quaint little home. It was so Stars Hollow. So what he would have expected the Rory he met at aged seventeen to dream of, at lest until he learned there was so much more to her than that. The big time journalism career never really happened for her. He wasn’t sure why he should be so sad about that, when she had made it clear long ago that she had no regrets on that score, not anymore. Of course, that conversation had been more than a decade ago. He hadn’t been in the same room as her from that day to this.

“Thanks for the ride and... everything,” Noah said, almost as if he meant it, before he moved to get out of the car, retrieving his bag from the back seat.

Jess could have happily stayed put, watched the kid go into the house, then drove away at top speed. The old Jess would have done it, had done it, on other occasions. When things got tough, when he was expecting trouble or rejection or anything the younger version of himself hadn’t known how to handle. It was supposed to be different now. He was supposed to be different. That meant he should and could face his problems head on. It meant he had to get out of the car and follow Noah to his front door. It meant facing Rory.

“Okay, here goes,” he said to himself, unhooking his safety belt and pushing open the driver’s side door.

He hurried up the porch steps, hitting the top just as the front door opened. Rory must have been looking out for them or heard footsteps outside and figured it had to be them. Quick as a blink, mother and son were in each other’s arms, a sweet reunion, at least, it should have been. Jess wasn’t exactly looking at the pair from that perspective. All he saw was Rory’s face over Noah’s shoulder, noting every tiny way in which she had changed, alongside all the ways in which she looked exactly the same. With her eyes closed, she didn’t see him at first, and then, when she pulled back from hugging her son, she was too distracted with telling him how thoughtless and dumb and crazy he was for anything else to register at all.

“Now, get inside,” she said at last. “Go shower and change and be back down here in twenty minutes, prepared for a very long conversation about what your punishment is going to be!”Noah pelted up the stairs then, not giving word of argument. Maybe that part came later. Maybe he wouldn’t even be indignant and angry with her. Maybe the tears would come out then. Jess knew only too well how that went. How much you could hurt, how much you could hold in, before it finally all became too much, spilling out everywhere, usually at the most inopportune moment.

It was as much those thoughts as anything else that led to him clearing his throat too loudly, though it had the added affect of catching Rory’s attention at last.

“Jess.”

He hadn’t heard her say his name in far too long. It was still the best it had ever sounded.

“Rory,” he replied in kind, hands in his pockets, one shoe scuffing on the porch, as if they were seventeen all over again and he just didn’t know how to talk to her - maybe that was because he didn’t anymore.

“Thank you, again,” she said after a moment’s pause. “I can’t... I just don’t even want to think about what could have happened to him if you hadn’t found him, and it’s amazing, because obviously, you weren’t even looking. I’m actually floored that you recognised each other, after all this time...”

“We didn’t.” Jess shook his head. “I mean, I recognised him from pictures Luke sent. He didn’t know me, until I explained. Believe me, he took some convincing, which is probably a good thing, actually. At least you know he’s not going to be easily conned by predators or whatever.”

“Always good to know.” Rory nodded and gave a half-smile. “It’s really good to see you, Jess. Crazy circumstances, but still, really good.”

A familiar warm feeling spread through the whole of Jess’ body when she said that, when she looked at him like that. The better part of thirty years and not one damn thing had changed, and yet, at the same time, absolutely everything had.

“Uh, so now he’s back safe, I should probably...” he trailed off, hiking one thumb over his shoulder.

He thought perhaps he imagined the way Rory’s face fell. Wishful thinking, that was all, at least, he assumed that was all it was, until her hand caught a hold of his sleeve.

“Oh, do you really have to go right away?” she checked. “I mean, as much as I’d love to invite you in right now-”

“You have the runaway to deal with.” Jess both smiled and nodded knowingly. “That’s why I thought it was better if I just got out of your hair.”

“Sure, sure,” Rory agreed, “but I mean, you’re not heading straight back to New York, right? You’ll be around for a while? I guess I assumed you would want to see Luke, maybe your mom...”

It wasn’t that the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. It had. It was just that it was mostly pushed aside at every turn by the overwhelming feelings that came with knowing he was going to see Rory again. Now that they were there, standing a mere six feet apart on her porch, a part of him wondered what all the panic had been about. Of course, another part knew exactly.

“Sure, I’ll be around a while,” he told her what she wanted to hear, even though it flew in the face of his real plans. “Like you said, I want to see Luke, maybe Liz, Doula. Yeah, I’ll be around, just for a couple of days.”

The bright smile that earned him made it all worthwhile, even if he had no idea where he was going to stay, what he would do about clothes or work or anything, really. He should have known that it would be just as it always had been before - nothing else really mattered when Rory Gilmore looked at him like that.

Chapter Text

When he left Rory’s house, Jess couldn’t see any other option but to go in search of Luke. It was likely he would be at the diner, even though he had staff enough to run the place and was supposed to be semi-retired at this point. Luke really only trusted that people were doing what they were told if he was standing over them making sure of it. Jess couldn’t help but think that might be a family trait, since he had found he could be a similar way himself sometimes.

Getting out of the car, he headed for the diner door, smiling in spite of himself when the bell rang overhead, signalling his entrance. Everything was much the same as it had ever been, even though he knew Lorelai had convinced Luke to get the place refurbished a while back. It still smelled the same, still felt the same, in some strange way that went deep into Jess’ bones. Call him crazy, but he actually wasn’t sorry about that.

Walking right up to the counter, he smiled when he realised that Luke was crouched awkwardly in the corner, looking for something he was probably never going to find on a lower shelf. Rapping his knuckles on the counter, Jess said, ‘Service!’ too loudly, backing up a step as Luke rose from the ground and whirled around ready to yell. All words of anger died on his lips when he saw who was there.

“You little...” he said, like a warning, and yet there was a smile on his lips.

“Hey, Uncle Luke,” he said on purpose, not minding at all that what followed was a bone-crushing hug - in fact, he happily returned it.

“It’s been too long, nephew,” said Luke, patting him on the back. “Way too long.”

Jess didn’t reply, partly because he had no idea what he could say in response, but more so because of the lump in his throat that was making it tough to breathe, never mind speak.

“So, you brought the kid home?” Luke checked when they finally pulled apart.

Jess nodded. “Back where he belongs,” he forced out, glad of the subject change from how much uncle and nephew had missed each other.

“I’ll bet that was a surprise, turning around in your local coffee place and seeing him just sitting there.”

“First glance, I thought I had to be wrong.” Jess pulled himself up onto a stool, while Luke rounded the counter and leaned over on it near to him. “I mean, what the hell would Rory’s kid be doing in New York all by himself?”

“Looking for the elusive father.” Luke sighed and rolled his eyes at the same time. “I swear, if I ever catch up to that Logan Huntzberger...”

“Get in line,” Jess agreed wholeheartedly, realising too late what his vehement response might sound like to Luke. “I mean, come on, as a member of the absent fathers club, I get to be on Noah’s side, right?”

“Sure, you do.” Luke nodded, though there was a look in his eyes that suggested he wanted to say more.

Jess had a feeling he was better off not knowing. The last real conversation they had about Rory ended with Jess once again repeating that whatever had been between them before was long over. He tried to mean it, he really did. In some ways, it was actually true. After all, nothing romantic had occurred at all since they were in their early twenties. That was literally a life time ago, long before Noah was even a passing thought. It was all over, in any real sense. Of course, there were other senses.

“So, I planned on heading straight back to New York,” he admitted then, carrying on fast before Luke could interrupt or argue, “but Rory said she wanted a chance to catch up, and it’s also been a while since I last checked in with Liz, so I figured a couple of days wouldn’t hurt, right?”

“A couple of days sounds good to me.” Luke smiled. “You can stay at the house with us or I can ask Lorelai about a room at the inn.”

“No, it’s fine. I can just crash here.”

“Here?”

“Upstairs.”

“Upstairs?”

Jess shook his head. “Is there not still an apartment up there, or do you just really like repeating the ends of my sentences?” he asked his uncle, trying not to smirk.

“Yes, of course, the apartment is still there, and no, I’m not repeating you on purpose,” said Luke, rolling his eyes. “I just... well, it’s not really used for living anymore, just storage.

“If it has a bed and running water, I’ll take it. It’s all I need and, like I said, it’s only for a couple of days.”

Luke seemed to be considering what he was saying very hard. Jess only hoped he came to a decent conclusion by himself, because Jess absolutely did not want to explain how he could never handle sleeping in the room that Rory had called her own for so long. As for the inn, it was an option, but not one he much cared for. Lorelai seemed to accept him a little more easily these days, but he would never not feel awkward taking that kind of favour from her.

“Okay,” said Luke, at last. “You can stay upstairs, since it’s only for a couple of days and you seem so damn set on it.”

“Call it nostalgia,” said Jess with a half-smile. “So, I’ll go throw my bag up there, wash up, and come give you a hand for a while.”

“Jess, you don’t have to...”

“I want to,” he insisted, leaving no room for argument.

He had to be crazy. Luke had more than enough staff, they could run the diner without him. Nobody needed a random forty-something suddenly taking it upon himself to serve coffee and bus tables, but Jess meant what he said. He wanted to do it. He wasn’t even sure he knew why himself, but he did. Maybe it really was that nostalgia that he mentioned. The place hadn’t changed much, and though he knew he had, in spades, in many ways, there was a part of him that remained the same. He had a feeling that small immovable piece, the part that still craved the brief happy moments of his teen years, was going to be ever-present, until the day he died.

Putting his bag down on the table, he opened it up and surveyed the contents. Staying really hadn’t been a plan. The bag was the same one he had taken with him to Philadelphia when he took a trip there the weekend before. It was lucky he hadn’t been too desperate to take it into his apartment and deal with the laundry and such. There were a couple of changes of clothes that just needed a quick wash, a couple of other things that were actually still clean and folded from when he put them in, plus he had his travel shower bag and everything.

“Could be worse,” he said to himself, glancing up out of the kitchen window to the street below.

Outside, life in Stars Hollow went on as it always did, as it always had. The gossips chatting on the corner, the kids playing in the square, the troubadour with his guitar, looking much older and greyer than Jess remembered, and yet, still the same somehow. The whole town seemed almost like a time-warp, complete with rows of trees in all the usual Fall colours and old faded banners proclaiming the latest town events.

“Did I ever even leave?” Jess muttered to himself, wondering how nothing had altered hardly at all in almost thirty years.

Of course, he knew that a lot of things actually had changed. Some of the older folks around town were gone now. Some of the stores had changed hands, changed business, or just stood empty and unloved. Though the town events persisted, there were less than before, from what Luke told him. More than that, the people he had known as teenagers were all grown up, just like him. Even the ones that stayed close to home had their own houses, were married, had kids.

His mind caught on the image of Rory, standing in the doorway of her own place an hour before. Not quite forty-seven years old and still as beautiful as the day he met her. Sure, she looked older, he wasn’t blind to what time had done, but that didn’t change the light that shone out of her, always. Nothing could ever take that away. Not an up-and-down career, too many strained relationships, or motherhood.

Closing his eyes a moment, Jess turned away from the window and took a deep breath. Motherhood. He wasn’t sure he was ever truly going to get used to the fact that Rory had a son and that it wasn’t his kid. That would be a real impossibility, of course, since the one thing he and Rory never did was what it took to make a child. That was probably for the best, in retrospect, he was sure, but the times that Jess sat and wondered what might have been. If he had stayed after high school, if he had convinced Rory to run away with him, if they had found some way to be together again later on, when they were older and wiser. By now, they could be married, raising their own kids.

Jess shook his head, a hint of a smirk pulling at his lips when he caught sight of himself in the mirror on the far wall. “You’re cracked,” he told himself, enough of a reminder that there was no happily ever after ending for him and Rory, it had never been an option.

For all that Jess had a little more self-confidence and self-respect these days, he still knew what he was and where he came from, what his DNA entailed. He couldn’t ever have been the man for Rory, no matter how much he wished it were true. It was why he kept on walking away, even after he learned to stop running. In a couple of days, he would leave again, and maybe, for both their sakes, it would be better all-around if he really did stay gone this time.

“And I want to be very clear that this is in no way a treat for you, understand? You do not deserve Grandpa Luke’s burgers after that stunt you pulled, and you’re grounding still stands, no matter what. This is just... Well, I’ve had a really long day, I’m over-tired and super-stressed - which, by the way, is mostly your fault - so we are getting dinner at the diner to keep me from having to attempt to cook, which you know I don’t love in the first place. Are we clear?”

“Yes, we’re clear,” said Noah, hands in his pockets and eyes to the ground as he kicked a stone off the edge of the kerb.

Rory sighed and rolled her eyes but said nothing more. He was going to be sullen and grumpy for at least a couple of days and she knew it. There was no getting him out of it and, honestly, at least if he was feeling sorry for himself, she knew he had to realise he did wrong. He was a little too much like Logan sometimes with the sulking, though thankfully, he wasn’t all that much like him in any other major ways. He looked like Rory, sometimes Lorelai, occasionally even Luke, which made no actual sense, but it was true.

Strangely, in his moodier moments of teenage boydom, Lorelai had noted that Noah reminded her of Jess, though she seemed to want to take it back the second the words left her lips. Rory never confirmed or denied that she was right. She tried not to think about it, since it would be a little weird to be seeing glimpses of her ex in her son when they weren’t at all related. Not that she never thought of Jess at all. Of course, she did, sometimes. A lot of times, depending on what she was doing and where she was or what the topic of conversation turned out to be.

Shaking her head, she concentrated on checking for traffic and crossing the street towards the diner. Her stomach was actually rumbling quite loudly by now. She hadn’t been able to eat a thing after she heard about Noah’s unannounced, unsanctioned trip to New York, and then, there was the whole long drawn-out discussion with him when he got back. Now that was all over, her appetite was back, and so, to the diner they went. Sort of, anyway.

If she thought too much about Noah’s explanation for his New York trip, the twisting in her stomach could almost put her off the thought of food forever. Logan. Of course, he went in search of Logan. She ought to have known that was what it was. He had asked a lot of questions about his father lately. Rory had hardly realised quite how often her ex’s name came up, until she was forced to sit and think about it.

She supposed it was normal. Noah was getting older. At fourteen, a father would probably be of more use to him than a mother, what with all that puberty stuff going on and everything. He had his grandpa, of course, but Luke wasn’t great with intimate details and such at the best of times. He got embarrassed, which was understandable. Besides, he was so much older than Noah. A father would have been better, but there was no-one, not Logan, not even a good substitute, since Rory’s dating was limited and there hadn’t been anyone truly serious in her life since the affair that led to Noah’s own birth.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

Her son’s muttered complaint pulled Rory from deep thought. She was about to ask what was wrong, then swiftly followed his gaze and saw for herself what was bothering him. In a second, she felt as if she had been transported back almost thirty years. Jess was in the diner, an apron around his waist, an order pad sticking out of the pocket, pouring coffee for a customer, and looking as awkward and bored as he ever had in his life.

“Oh my God,” she said out loud, without really meaning too, catching herself in a second and pushing on in through the door, encouraging Noah to follow. “Just sit down and be nice. Jess did you a huge favour, whether you want to believe it or not,” she said firmly, when they finally reached a table.

Whatever Noah said after that, Rory didn’t hear it, because suddenly, Jess was a whole lot closer, smiling at her in that way that had always made her heart skip when she was a teenager. She really thought she had gotten over that a long time ago. Apparently, it was just one of many things she was wrong about.

“Hey. I wasn’t... Uh, I kind of never thought about you coming over here tonight.”

“Oh, me either, except, you know, long day, and me and cooking...”

“I know.” Jess nodded, smiling still. “So, coffee?”

“Always.” Rory grinned, unable to help it. “And food, obviously.”

“Burger and fries for me,” said Noah shortly.

A glare from Rory made sure he added ‘please’ but he did so begrudgingly. God only knew what her son had against Jess, but that was a fight for another day.

“You know, what? I think I’ll have the same,” she said of her dinner, “with the coffee, obviously.”

“Obviously.” Jess nodded, heading behind the counter and into the kitchen to get their order.

A grumbling sound that was barely words came out of Noah and Rory shot him a look.

“What is the matter with you?” she asked him outright.

Her son stared at her for a few silent beats before finally spitting it out.

“You dated him, didn’t you?” he said, tilting his head in the direction Jess had gone.

Rory opened her mouth to answer, but the words wouldn’t come. She didn’t want to lie, but the truth was complicated, or maybe it wasn’t, but it felt like it, in that moment. Thankfully, she was saved by Luke coming to join them at the table, mostly to talk to Noah about his ‘dumbass trip to New York.’

Still, Rory knew that the fact of her dating Jess once upon a time was going to be a thing now. It was just a matter of time before Noah asked again and there was no way to avoid telling him at least something about the history. That was something she wanted to discuss with him even less than Logan, but it seemed she wasn’t going to be given a choice.

Chapter Text

It was getting late. No, strike that, it was already late. Rory knew it would make more sense for her to be getting some much-needed sleep, but there was just no way. Thinking too hard and too long about Noah and what he was feeling with regards to Logan was most of her problem. Rory really didn’t know what she was going to do. Contact her ex? She would almost rather do anything else than have that conversation, but what was the other option? Just wait around, always on edge, for Noah to decide he was going to take another impromptu trip to New York in search of his absent father? Rory would love to think she had knocked that idea out of him with her anger and sadness and punishment combined, but somehow, she didn’t really believe it could be true. Some things were just bigger than Mom being mad at you. She knew that as well as anyone.

Heaving a sigh, she stared hard at her phone lying on the table. She couldn’t call Logan, not tonight, anyway. Maybe she should, at some point, but she really didn’t have the strength, right in that moment. Instead, she took the cell phone into her hand and mused a while on another number she could dial. Rory was fairly certain it would prove she was certifiably crazy if she went down that road, yet she found herself dialling a number she knew by heart, hoping it was the right choice. Hoping he would understand. Pressing the phone to her ear, she held her breath for one ring, two, three, and then...

“Hello?”

“Hey, Jess. It’s me.”

“Hey, you,” he replied, with a smirk she could almost hear - they had started conversations this way so many times before. “It’s late.”

“I know,” she agreed, easing herself back further into the couch cushions. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Are you kidding?” he replied, a rhetorical question she knew so well. “Six chapters deep into the latest John Grisham, pretty sure I’m going to be up for a while.”

“I didn’t get to that one yet. Is it as good as his last?”

“Hasn’t put me to sleep yet, so I guess so.” A silent beat and then, “Is something wrong?”

It was a fairly intuitive question, or maybe it was just an obvious one, given the situation. With everything that had happened with Noah, with her calling him after midnight, perhaps anybody would have guessed that Rory wasn’t exactly feeling great. Still, she liked to think that Jess knew her well enough that he just spotted a barely discernible crack in her voice, or picked up some unseen energy wave she was giving off, even from several hundred yards away in the dark.

Rory sighed heavily. “I’m so sorry, I don’t even know why I called you.”

“You sure about that?”

Intuition and knowing her so well, even after so long apart, Rory didn’t doubt for a second that those were the things that made Jess doubt her word. In the end, she knew it was stupid to fight it. She needed someone to talk to, someone who knew her well, who would listen and give sound advice, who had given up on letting her down a very, very long time ago.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do about Noah and Logan,” she admitted at last. “I mean, seriously, I have no idea on where to even start. If I call Logan, what do I say? Yelling at him about anything never really worked, not the whole time we were together, or when we weren’t, or at any time, really. He’s so stubborn, and I’m so stubborn. God knows what that means for Noah. He already gives mules really great competition and he’s only fourteen. Also, running away to New York, alone, without telling me anything at all? What was that?!”

The moment she realised she was getting loud and somewhat high-pitched, Rory made a point of lowering her tone, though Jess had said nothing so far about her busting an eardrum or anything, he just let her rant. She was very mindful of waking Noah though, or worse, having him overhear all that she was saying, whether accidentally or deliberately.

“He’s a good kid. Honestly, he really is. Not exactly the defiant type, which is just this side of miraculous, given the DNA he’s carrying around, but on this, when it comes to his dad... It was different when he was really young, but fourteen, Jess. Fourteen is... Do you remember what fourteen was like?”

“Unfortunately,” he said softly in her ear. “I remember a little too much about all the teenage years. They weren’t my best, but then, you knew that already.”

Rory smiled in spite of herself. “They weren’t all bad, right?”

The silence that followed was almost too long before finally she heard him say, “No, not all of them,” he confirmed, clearing his throat right after, “but Noah is different. He’s half you, at least, so that has to help with the whole well-rounded character and good sense thing, right?”

“You would think, but not really,” she said, pointlessly shaking her head, since he couldn’t see her anyway. “I was pretty well-behaved at fourteen, that’s true, but later, at seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, God even into my twenties. I stole a yacht. I had a criminal record before I even got out of college. And long before, I ran off to New York too... for a guy.”

She wasn’t sure what response she could possibly expect to that. Jess knew what she was talking about, better than anyone, because he was that guy. The one that Rory had got on a bus and fled to the city for, on a day when she was supposed to be attending classes at Chilton. Not a word to her mother, or to anyone, actually. She just took off, all in pursuit of someone who had left without saying goodbye.

“It was a long time ago, Ror,” said Jess in her ear. “A really long time.”

“But it proves that Noah doesn’t get all his crazy tendencies from Logan. Not that I think it was crazy to follow you to New York the way I did, or maybe it was. I mean, I was pretty crazy about you back then.”

“For what it’s worth, I was pretty crazy about you too.”

Her breath hitched in her throat when he said that, though Rory wasn’t entirely sure why it came as a surprise. She knew very well that she had meant a lot to Jess when they were together, even before they ever started dating, and certainly after. He told her he loved her once, only once, but she never did doubt that he meant it. At this point, she could honestly say she loved him too, as she loved so many of the people she held close in her heart, like her mom and Luke and Lane and Paris, and obviously, Noah. Not that she could ever put Jess in the category of family, even after all this time. She never did like to examine too hard just exactly why that was.

“The past is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there,” Jess quoted then. “Come on, Ror, the future is more important, or at the very least, the present. I take it you talked to Noah about Logan?”

“I did. Of course, I did,” she confirmed, trying her best to stifle another sigh, as well as a yawn, pretty sure she failed at keeping either one fully at bay as she lay all the way down on the couch and stretched out as much as the length of it would allow. “It just worries me that it won’t be enough. He wants answers I can’t give him, Jess. Why doesn’t Logan want to see him? Why does he never call or visit? Aside from the obvious - he’s a jerk - what can I say?”

“You can’t,” Jess agreed easily. “Only Huntzberger knows why.”

“Which means I have to ask him, or let Noah ask him. God, I can’t even think about it,” she admitted, free hand coming up to push her hair right off her forehead and hold it back. “He just... You know, in the beginning, I almost thought it would be okay. I mean, I managed just fine without my father being around all the time. He would call, even visit sometimes. I guess there were times when I wished he was around more, but I always had Mom, and Luke, and my grandparents.”

“And you think because that was enough for you, it should be enough for Noah.”

There was almost an accusatory tone in Jess’ voice when he said that, at least, Rory thought that was what she was hearing. There was every chance she was just projecting, of course. That the person really questioning her motives was her alone. On the other hand, if Jess really didn’t appreciate her attitude about Noah’s paternal situation, she supposed she could understand why. Jimmy had been way more absent than Christopher ever had, and Jess hadn’t been all that lucky with Liz either.

“I guess if anyone understands what Noah is really feeling, it would be you,” she said then. “Not that Logan skipped out quite as early as Jimmy did, but as far as I can tell, Noah has very few concrete memories of his dad.”

Jess sighed. “Everybody is different. There’s no way for me to know for sure that Noah feels the same way about his absent father as I did about mine at that age, but I’m guessing probably not. You gotta remember that there is a huge, huge difference between our situations in every other way. I grew up with Liz. At least I could understand what Jimmy was running away from. Less me, more the mess that he married. Noah doesn’t have that. He probably looks at you and the life you guys have and... and he wonders how the hell his father wouldn’t want to be a part of that.”

By the end of that sentence, Rory could barely hear Jess at all, he got so quiet. Not that it mattered. She had no way to respond to him, her throat thick with emotion as her eyes filled with tears. To think this was the same guy who had such problems telling her how he felt, or really anything at all worth hearing, when they were young. Not that she should be surprised by how much he had changed in the last thirty years.

Thirty years. Sometimes, Rory had a hard time remembering it had been that long. A harder time processing that she was even the age she truly was. Forty-six. Forty-seven in a few short of weeks. Jess had already passed over into the next year of age, and still, when he stood on the doorstep this morning, more so when she saw him again in the diner, it was as if they were seventeen again, as if no time had passed at all.

“Rory?”

His voice in her ear startled her from a daze and she literally shook her head to clear it.

“Right here,” she assured him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep at all, but apparently, the drowsy is kicking in all of a sudden. I guess I should go.”

“Probably for the best.”

Sitting up on the couch, Rory rested her forehead on her free hand and pictured Jess over in the diner apartment, probably sitting on his bed, back against the headboard with a book in his lap and the phone to his ear, waiting for her to say goodnight.

“Thank you,” she told him instead. “For taking care of Noah, and bringing him home, and... and for listening tonight. I really needed that.”

“Any time,” he told her, with a smile she could see clear as day in her mind. “Goodnight, Rory.”

“Goodnight, Jess.”

Chapter Text

“Jess? Jess Mariano? Seriously, is that you?”

He really couldn’t imagine who would be calling his name in the street, much less sounding like they might actually be pleased to see him. Still, Jess turned around to see and felt his eyes go a little wide when suddenly Lane reached out to hug him.

“Oh my God, it’s been... forever,” she told him, grinning wide as they parted. “How are you?”

“I’m... good,” he said awkwardly, unsure what to think of the young man beside her that was staring at him as if he had two heads. “Uh, it’s nice to see you,” he told Lane then, unsure what else to say.

“You too. Wow, you really haven’t changed all that much.”

“You haven’t either.”

“Well, that’s a lie, but I’ll take it,” she said, rolling her eyes.

It was only then she seemed to realise that Jess was struggling with who he was looking at stood there on the pavement beside her.

“Jess, Steve, Steve, Jess,” she introduced, waving a hand between them. “You remember that Zach and I have twins, right?”

“Twins, sure.” Jess nodded, finally catching on. “Nice to meet you... again?” he checked, side-eyeing Lane even as Steve finally got the idea and shook his hand.

“Um, yeah, probably. I mean, you must have been around at some point when they were little, right? You came by to see Luke, visited with Rory and Noah.”

Jess cleared his throat and tried not to look as awkward as he felt. “Uh, yeah, a couple of times, but it’s been a while...”

“Until you suddenly stumbled upon our guy in New York,” she said, nodding knowingly. “Seriously, how crazy was that? God was watching out for him, I know that much. How else can you explain it?”

“Never really saw myself as the guardian angel type,” Jess admitted.

“God works in mysterious ways, his wonders to perform,” said Steve, looking so serious.

“Huh.”

It was disturbing for Jess to realise he could actually see Mrs Kim in the kid’s expression. It took everything he had not to shudder at the realisation.

“You want me to go ahead to the store, Mama?” Steve asked Lane then.

“Oh, sure, that’d be great. Thanks, hon,” she told him with a smile, patting him on the arm as he went by her and Jess both. “Sometimes, I have trouble figuring out how I’m old enough for my kids to be adults,” she said, as she watched him go. “You ever feel like that?”

“Since I don’t have kids, no,” said Jess, shaking his head. “But trust me, there are plenty of other things that remind me how old I am sometimes.”

“Right, no kids,” said Lane, making a face. “Don’t you ever wish you did? I mean, I know, I know, you didn’t exactly have the best childhood, that can definitely put some people off, or was it just maybe that you never found the right woman...?”

“Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but I should really go.” Jess cleared his throat and started to shift away. “I’m supposed to be meeting Liz, so...”

“Oh, right, of course. Sorry, didn’t mean to hold you up, but it was great seeing you,” she told him, so genuinely, he actually believed she meant it.

Jess made sure to smile back, at least for as long as he could bear to. A few seconds later, he was happy to be out of Lane’s view and able to let the expression fall. No, he never had kids, and most of the time, he didn’t regret it. Was it in large part because he never found the right woman? Nope, it wasn’t. He knew exactly who the right woman was and where to find her. It was just that their timing had been lousy, always, and at this point, more than ever, their time had well and truly passed, and how.

“I just don’t know what I’m going to do, Lane. I mean, what would you do?”

She seemed like a good person to ask, Rory considered. After all, her best and oldest friend had raised two boys of her own, who had more than ten years on Noah. Surely, Lane had to have some good advice on handling teenage rebellion and such.

“I wish I knew what to say, but I’m sorry, Rory, I just don’t,” she admitted, settling back into the armchair with her coffee cradled in both hands. “I didn’t have these kinds of problems with Steve or Kwan. I mean, sure, they had their moments, especially in their teens. I guess all kids do, but our situations are just so different. Zach has always been there for the boys, plus they have their Uncle Brian too. No lack of male role models, no wondering about an absent father.”

Rory hadn’t realised how her face must have fallen at the sound of those words, until Lane stated apologising.

“I really didn’t mean that the way it probably came out,” she insisting, leaning forward and reaching to put her hand on top of Rory’s own. “You know that, right?”

“It’s fine, I’m fine, I swear,” Rory insisted, squeezing Lane’s hand. “I know what you meant and it’s really okay. You’re right. Your boys are so lucky. I have to admit, way back in the beginning, I was a little confused by the whole you and Zach thing, and when you got married and the twins came along so fast... it was a lot, but everybody knows that you guys are so in love and you’ve been just the best parents. You still are. The boys have grown up to be the best guys too.”

“Rory, it’s not as if Noah won’t.” Lane shook her head. “So, he did a crazy thing. We all did those when we were that age. I know I did. A lot,” she said with a look.

Rory couldn’t help but smile, but hid at least some of her expression in her coffee, until it began to fade as fast as it came on.

“My crazy teen behaviour happened mostly when I met Logan,” she said with a sigh, “and it didn’t really stop, for way too long.”

“Ah, but it started before that, with Boyfriend Number Two,” said Lane, smirking some. “I ran into Jess in town square this morning. You know, I was never really sure what had you so smitten when we were kids, but wow, I can absolutely see why anybody would be attracted now. That man belongs on the cover of GQ!”

“Lane!” Rory wasn’t sure whether to be shocked or amused by the expression on her friend’s face when she said those things. “What would Zach say?”

“Zach would probably agree, at least about GQ,” Lane considered. “He’s pretty open-minded about that kind of thing. He knows what makes a guy good-looking, in the same way I understand why he still drools over certain actresses or singers, oh, or that ridiculously attractive girl who works at the gas station on the way to Hartford?”

“Ugh, I can’t even go there anymore” Rory shook her head. “She makes me feel like Carol Kane in the Princess Bride prosthetics.”

It wasn’t that Rory was especially touchy about her age or her looks, not usually anyway. Personally, she thought she was aging pretty gracefully. Sure, she put a little colour on her hair since the grey started to show more, and maybe she did suck in her stomach and push out her chest if she passed by some young, attractive people in the street, occasionally, but that was all. She wasn’t ashamed of her age or how she looked. Much of the time, she didn’t have the capacity to think about it, she was far too busy, raising her son, working as much as she could, balancing everything that real adult life entailed, the same way her mother had done before her.

“So, about Jess...” said Lane with a significant look. “I noticed he’s still not married or anything.”

Rory rolled her eyes. “Please, that’s not... We are so not going down that road again,” she insisted. “Jess and I are friends. We have been friends for a really, really long time now. All that teen romance stuff, it’s way in the past. We’re friends.”

“You know you just said ‘friends’ three times in about ten seconds, right?” Lane smiled too much into her coffee cup. “Come on, tell me you don’t see how attractive he is? Tell me you never even wonder what might have happened if things had been different.”

Opening her mouth to make an immediate denial, Rory thought better of it in a second. She felt like a giddy teenager when the blood suddenly rushed to her cheeks, turning them red and hot. Sure, she could try to blame some kind of middle-aged symptoms for such a thing, but that would be a lie. There were certain things, certain people, or maybe just one person, who had this kind of effect on her. Jess had always been different to everybody else.

“I’m not blind, of course, I see that Jess is good-looking,” she said after a while. “And he’s a great guy and I couldn’t be more grateful that he brought Noah home like he did. I like him a lot, I always have. I guess, at this point, I love him, like I love you and all my closest friends, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to fall into each other’s arms like some kind of Hallmark movie. This is real life, Lane. It just doesn’t work that way.”

“Maybe not.” Her friend shrugged, placing her empty coffee cup down on the table. “But you know what I’m not hearing you say? That you don’t want it to happen. Be honest, Rory,” she challenged her then. “Do you really have no feelings whatsoever for Jess anymore? Now, bear in mind that I’ve known you since we were five years old. Next to Lorelai, I probably know you better than anybody else in your life.”

“Which makes it impossible to really lie to you.” Rory sighed heavily. “Not that I ever want to, obviously,” she added with a smile. “Honestly? I don’t know, Lane. I’m almost forty-seven years old. I guess at this age I just figured I’d be done worrying about if a guy likes me, or if I like him, or any of that stuff. When we were kids, we always thought we would grow up, have fantastic careers, then meet great guys, get married, have kids... Nothing really worked out that way for me. It did for you, well, not exactly with the career part.”

“I got to do what I wanted, mostly.” Lane shrugged easily. “I promise I wouldn’t trade a minute of my life for anybody else’s. Well, okay, so maybe one minute, just to be on stage at Coachella, rocking my heart out to a crowd of millions, just once, but aside from that,” she said, grinning wide. “I’m happy. I just wish you were too.”

“I am,” Rory insisted. “Most of the time, I am,” she corrected, knowing that what she said was true - she couldn’t lie to Lane, even if she wanted to, which she never did. “I don’t really have any major regrets. How can I? The jobs I’ve had, the places I’ve been, the guys I’ve dated, without all of that, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be writing the way I am, or have this house, and worst of all, I wouldn’t have Noah. As much as I was shocked and overwhelmed when I found out I was pregnant, with no idea how I was going to deal, I wouldn’t trade that kid for anything. I love him so, so much.”

The tears that came to her eyes as she went on were completely out of her control.

“I just... I don’t know how to help him. I can’t make Logan care and I can’t make Noah not care and, and I just don’t know how to handle it,” she admitted, laughing at herself in a minute, as she swiped at the tears on her cheeks.

“Oh, Rory.” Lane moved over to join her on the couch and give her a tight squeeze. “It’ll be fine. I promise, it will. I don’t know how, exactly, but everything figures itself out in the end. You know this. Like you said, you didn’t know how to deal when you got pregnant, and probably a hundred other times, both before and after that, but in the end, you figured it out.”

Rory hugged her best friend back, grateful for her kind words and genuine affection. She knew Lane was right. In the end, she would work out the best way forward, and no doubt Noah would be just fine. It was only a question of how and when, and those were answers Rory didn’t have right now. She just hoped they showed up soon, that was all.

Chapter Text

"Hey, how are you doing?"

Noah barely glanced at her, just concentrated on the sandwich he was putting together for himself. It was the first time he had come out of his room for more than a bathroom break all day, but Rory wasn't able to really be mad at him for that. After all, it was the weekend and he was grounded. Where else would he be but in his Fortress of Solitude, hopefully studying, probably doom-scrolling the internet? Perhaps she should have taken his phone from him, or at least blocked his internet access, but that seemed too mercenary somehow. She feared cutting him off from everything. He wasn't exactly the world's most social kid as it was, and talking to people was probably what he needed most. Rory just wished he would talk to her as much as he used to.

"I'm fine," he muttered, moving to the refrigerator to retrieve whatever else he wanted for his sandwich.

Grabbing the mayo, he pulled the lid off the jar, took a sniff and peered inside, before nudging the door to the fridge closed and returning to his food assembly. Apparently, he wasn't going to elaborate on how he was or how he was feeling, not unless Rory poked at him.

"It never used to be like this," she said aloud. "We used to talk, all the time."

The slamming of the drawer from which Noah just retrieved some other utensil made it clear he wasn't happy about what he was hearing.

"What?" Rory asked crossly. "I'm not supposed to care that you won't communicate with me anymore? I shouldn't be concerned that my teenage son is staying in his room for hours in complete silence, or running off to a whole other state without telling me, or-"

"Once!" he told her, turning around fast and looking as upset as he was angry. "I went to New York one time, for all the good it did, and when I got back, you grounded me. So, what do you expect me to do but sit in my room all day? You won't let me go anywhere."

"You have the whole house," she reminded him. "Your bedroom is not a prison cell, and you can stop yelling right now, if you don't want your grounding to be twice as long," she told him firmly, the way only a parent of so many years standing could.

Noah glared for a second longer, then turned back to his sandwich.

It wasn't helping. Rory heaved a tired sigh, knowing that the both of them just getting mad at each other, over and over, wasn't going to change anything. Noah needed understanding, she was well aware, but honestly, it was what she needed to.

"Noah, honey, I don't... Look, I do understand what you're going through. I mean, as much as anybody can ever understand another person's inner feelings, but I'm trying. I really am trying," she insisted, moving a little closer, reaching a hand out to his shoulder.

She half-expected him to shrug her off, but when her fingers finally made contact, he seemed to deflate under her touch, rather than flinch away. He hung his head over his snack and didn't move at all for a few seconds. Rory almost thought she would see tears when he finally looked at her, but there were none. Not that he exactly looked happy or anything.

"At least you know your dad," he said, his tone somewhat bitter but not really nasty or vicious at all. "I get that Grandpa Chris hasn't always been the greatest, that he never was around all that much. He's really good at spending money and kind of lousy at spending time, but... but at least you know him."

He was so earnest, so desperate apparently. Rory hated to see that look in his eyes, knowing she had to fix it somehow, but uncertain on how best to try. She could call Logan, she probably should, but she dreaded that conversation, for so very many reasons. In the meantime, she just wanted to understand, to sympathise, to help Noah to know that none of this was his fault. That Logan not caring like he should was on him, not on the son he hadn't been around to visit, never mind raise, for more than a decade.

"Noah, honey, you have to know, you are the best. Really, you are. You are so smart and good and decent and everything a parent could want in a kid. And yes, I know you're not a kid anymore, but you'll always be my son, and I will always love you and be proud of you. I wish I knew why your father doesn't feel the same. I know he would absolutely love you if he knew you, because how could he not?"

"But he doesn't." Noah shook his head sadly, forcing an awkward smile. "He doesn't know me and he doesn't love me and... and I just wanna know why. That's the part I can't figure out. Just why?"

"I'm sorry that I don't have that answer for you," Rory told him sadly, trying so hard to keep the shake out of her voice, as well as the tears from falling, but she just couldn't do it, especially when Noah suddenly threw his arms around her and held on so tight.

She hugged him close, rubbing his back, feeling that even though he was an inch taller than her already, he might as well be the little boy she recalled from more than ten years before, in that moment. Just like she said, he would always be her son, her little boy who she would want to protect from the bad parts of the world, for as long as she lived.

It wasn't feasible, obviously. There were things that were out of her control, and Logan was a major player on that list. God, she would love to just get a hold of him and shake some sense into him. She just might, sometime soon.

"I'm sorry," Noah said into her shoulder.

Rory made him look at her, then kissed his cheek fondly. "Don't ever be sorry for feeling the way you do. It's okay to be sad or angry, just the same as it's okay to be happy."

"I know." He nodded in understanding. "I meant for before, for the yelling, and... and also for running off the way I did," he told her, sniffing hard. "I know I said it already, but I wasn't... I know it's not your fault, Mom. You didn't make him the way he is," he said of Logan.

Rory shook her head. "I didn't, but I chose to be with him. Not that I regret it, not for a second. If I had my life over again, I would do everything exactly the same, if it meant I got you," she promised him with a smile. "I just wish... For your sake, I wish Logan was the father you deserved."

"Not everybody is cut out to be a dad. That's what Grandpa Luke says. The craziest part is, I'm pretty sure he was absolutely born to be a dad, and he was barely allowed to raise the only kid he ever had, right?"

"Right." Rory nodded once. "But you know, your grandpa proved himself, long before your Aunt April showed up. He was everything I needed in a dad, and he helped Jess so much when..." she trailed off, the moment Noah looked away, and heaved a sigh. "What? Why do you seem to hate Jess so much? He's not a bad guy, and he did you a huge favour, taking care of you in New York and bringing you back here."

"I know that," Noah grumbled, pulling out of her grasp then, reaching for the sandwich that waited for him on the counter still. "It's just weird is all."

Before Rory could ask what he meant by that, he told her anyway.

"Knowing you guys dated. I mean, you did, right? I know you never answered when I asked you, but that was a bigger tell than you actually saying anything. Besides, I've seen the way he looks at you."

"The way he looks at me?" Rory shook her head. "That's not... Jess is not..."

"Mom, seriously." Noah rolled his eyes, sandwich in his hands as he moved by her. "Don't even try. I'm fourteen, I'm not blind, and like you said, I'm also pretty smart. Plus, I've been subjected to way more '90s and '00s rom-coms than a guy ever should. I've seen that look. Either you two dated or he absolutely wanted to, and like I said, you never answered my question when I asked. That's all the evidence I need."

He shrugged his shoulders, argument made, case rested, then headed back towards the stairs, presumably to his room to hide out for a few more hours. Rory watched him go without saying a word, though her mouth hung open long after he was gone from her sight. Maybe her son was even smarter than she could ever have realised. Apparently, she was also a little clueless when it came to Jess' potential feelings for her. After all, that was Noah and Lane that had mentioned it now.

"That's ridiculous," Rory muttered, shaking her head as she went back to the living room and the work she had left abandoned on the coffee table. "Jess doesn't still..." she trailed off, her mind reeling at the very idea, and then, a smile curving her lips that she had no control over at all.

He had to be an idiot. Jess knew the smart choice would probably be to leave town without a word, the way he had so many times before. It wasn't a terrible idea, not at this point. Except that it was, because he knew that, given how things stood, nobody would ever forgive him this go around.

As a teen, he had a certain amount of excuses for his reckless behaviour, and thankfully, he had been forgiven for most of his rebellious acts and stupid decisions. Things were very different now. As a more reasonably well-adjusted adult, he was expected to act accordingly. That meant talking to people, sharing plans, giving those he cared about the chance to say goodbye before he skipped town.

When Rory asked if he would be around for a couple of days, Jess had agreed. It was the weekend and he had nowhere he had to be, in any case, so he knew it couldn't hurt, not with regards to work or anything. Of course, being back in Stars Hollow, forced to spend time with his mother, forced also to confront feelings for Rory that had never, could never fully die, those things were tougher to deal with.

"Pull it together, man," he told himself, as he approached the front door, quickly knocking before he could change his mind.

Turning away while he waited, Jess cast an eye over the perfectly tidy, quaint little street, the same as most others in Stars Hollow. Never really changed, never really needed to, and nobody ever minded. That ought to be annoying, stupid even. Jess wasn't sure when he had started to believe it was almost nice.

Physically shaking off the very idea, he turned back around just in time for the door to open, only it wasn't Rory on the other side.

"Huh."

"Mom's not here," Noah said flatly. "And I'm grounded until I'm thirty - at least, that's what she said when she was still super mad - so I don't think I'm really supposed to have company..."

"No, it's fine," Jess assured him, waving away his concerns with a quick gesture of his hand. "I can come back later or something. Sorry to bother you."

He quickly moved to go, knowing that there was no more good he could do there. Noah didn't like him. He had no reason to, but no real reason not to either, as far as Jess knew. Honestly, he didn't like to ask.

Two of three steps down from the porch to the pathway, he heard Noah speak again and froze in his tracks as a result.

"Hey, Jess? I, uh... well, thanks for before. You know, bringing me home and everything. I guess you didn't have to, but you did, so thanks."

That came as a surprise, but Jess tried not to let it show on his face as he turned around to look at the kid again. Noah had an awful lot of Rory in him, the blue eyes, the dark hair, something in the nose and mouth too. At the same time, when he put on the sullen pout, or dared to smirk at all, Jess saw something he didn't like in the kid's features. Parts that he was sure must have come from Logan's DNA. Right now, he wasn't exactly smiling or anything, but thankfully, the neutral expression was more Gilmore than Huntzberger.

"I did what anybody would do," he said, shrugging his shoulders, "but either way, you're welcome."

"Not that you did it for me, right?" Noah countered, something sparking in his eyes that made Jess' own gaze narrow. "Come on, I know what I see. You and my mom, you weren't always just friends, were you?"

Rory hadn't told him. He suspected or overheard something somewhere maybe, but Jess knew immediately that Rory had told her son nothing of her dating history, at least, not the part that contained Jess. He was wary of how he answered the kid. Wary because he would never want to do anything to make Rory mad at him, even now. Wary because that little hint of the blond dick from Yale was edging into Noah's expression, causing some old urge to punch first and ask questions later to squirm in Jess' stomach.

"Me and your mom go back a long way. I know you know that," he said after a moment's pause. "What relationship we did or didn't have over all that time, that's not your business."

"She's my mom."

"But I'm not your dad, or your best bud, or anybody else that might owe you an explanation about anything," Jess told him sharply, trying to bring his tone back to something a little more even when he saw Noah flinch. "I'm sorry, but it's just not a conversation I'm prepared to have with you. It's not my place. Now, if you need somebody to vent to about absent fathers, I have plenty of experience in that area, and I'm a pretty good listener these days."

That seemed to take Noah by surprise, though whether it was hearing that Jess had suffered in a similar way to him with a dad that wasn't around, or the fact he was offering to play confidante that had him confused was anyone's guess.

"I thought you said you were staying with your dad in California before."

Jess smirked. The kid has some memory, and apparently, he was listening a whole lot more than he seemed to be, back in the apartment in New York.

"I was, but until I was eighteen, I never laid eyes on the guy. He ran out the day I was born and didn't show up again for almost two decades. So, like I said, I know something about absent fathers. I know it's not exactly the same as you and your dad, but still..."

"It's not so different." Noah shook his head, before going right back to eyeing Jess with real suspicion for a minute more. "You want to come inside for a while, you know, until my mom gets home?"

Jess bit down a smirk and nodded once. "Sure," he said, coming back up the porch steps and following Rory's son into the house.

He only hoped that whatever came next, it didn't end with him being the bad guy instead of Logan. It would require him to tread carefully, but Jess didn't hate that Noah was at least willing to talk to him now. He certainly needed somebody to vent to, and sometimes, the only thing better than a friend or family member was a complete stranger.

Chapter Text

Rory wasn’t exactly expecting anarchy when she got back home. Her son wasn’t usually so unruly, and they certainly seemed to have at least a little bit of a breakthrough in communication earlier, but there was tension still. Leaving a grounded fourteen-year-old alone in the house could mean trouble, Rory knew, but she hoped not when it came to Noah.

As she let herself in through the front door, she frowned on realising she could hear two people’s laughter coming from the kitchen. Part of her son being grounded was not having his friends over, and that definitely wasn’t Luke’s voice she could hear. No other guy ought to be in her home unannounced, as far as she was concerned. There was a horrible moment when she actually thought maybe Logan had shown up out of the blue. She felt instantly guilty when she realised just how wrong she was.

“Hey, you tell anybody you heard that from me, there will be consequences!” said Jess, still with laughter in his voice, making his threat seem a little empty.

“I swear I won’t,” Noah replied, sounding equally amused. “But dude, that is so cool.”

“Huh. It’s been a while since anybody thought anything I did was cool.”

“Apparently, it’s a lot of years since you did do anything cool. You’re my mom’s age, right?”

“Yes, she and I have the same carbon date, more or less,” Jess snarked, in the way only he could. “Geez, when did being in my forties make me ancient?”

“It doesn’t.” Noah assured him. “But first-wave Millennials, man. It’s like this whole different era.”

“Welcome to my world,” said Rory, stepping into the kitchen at last. “I’m constantly being reminded that our generation are so ‘old school’ and ‘we just don’t get it.’”

“I never said it was your fault, Mom.” Noah rolled his eyes. “You guys just didn’t grow up with the technology or the awareness that my generation did. You can’t help being behind the times, but don’t worry, I get that it’s tough for you. No shade.”

Jess scoffed and looked away.

Rory only smiled indulgently at her son, shaking her head at the same time.

“Okay, I think that’s enough mocking of your elders now,” she told Noah definitely, before looking to Jess. “You didn’t have to bring him home from anywhere else, did you?” she checked, only half-joking, truth be told.

“I actually came here to see you. I mean, to talk, catch up, like you wanted.” Jess seemed to be floundering horribly, his eyes constantly shifting between Rory and Noah. “We just started out comparing notes on absent fathers, and then... conversation moved on,” he admitted awkwardly.

“Jess pulled the best pranks back in the day.” Noah grinned at Rory.

“Uh-huh. Yeah, those are things I really hoped you would share with my fourteen-year-old,” she said, cutting her eyes at Jess.

It was one of the few times in her life when she had seen him squirm horribly. As much as it shouldn’t be, it was still as entertaining as it had ever been in times gone by.

“Okay, so, I’m heading back to my room,” said Noah, hiking his thumb over his shoulder, then quickly disappearing through the other door.

His footsteps went across the living room and up the stairs fast, leaving Rory to stare at Jess, and Jess to squirm some more under Rory’s new and improved withering stare.

“I swear I did not mean to tell him about the pranks, it just sort of happened,” he admitted awkwardly, yet the smirk she knew so well was evident beneath the guilt. “Come on, he’s a smart kid. He knows better than to copy-cat seventeen-year-old me. Besides, I made sure to tell him that if he did, I would personally be letting the authorities know which door to come knocking on, the second the chalk outlines appear.”

Rory didn’t mean to smile, she really didn’t, but between the look on Jess’ face and the memory of that particular prank, along with others she had secretly enjoyed so much, she just couldn’t help herself.

“Oh my God, Jess,” she found herself saying then, one hand to her forehead, even as she tried hard not to laugh. “I can’t believe you’re here and that you’re telling my teenaged son about things like that! Seriously, were we ever that young and foolish?”

“Apparently so,” he admitted, leaning back on the counter across from where she was now doing the same.

It was a nice moment. Strange, but nice, at least for as long as it lasted. Rory was pretty sure she should’ve known it couldn’t be long. In all the time she had known Jess Mariano, their relationship seemed to be constantly ricocheting between perfectly wonderful and awkwardly terribly, or maybe that was terribly awkward? Both seemed to fit in their own way.

“You never told him that we dated.”

His words were not a question, but a statement. Not an accusatory one, Rory noted, but still, she hadn’t been expecting him to say it, just like that, if she had even expected it at all. Her first reaction was to say that the subject had never come up, but that would be a lie and Rory didn’t want to do that. The truth was usually better. Not always, she had found, as she grew older, raised a son, and so forth, but usually.

“No, I didn’t tell him about that,” she confirmed, forcing herself to look at Jess the whole time. “Up until a couple of days ago, it never came up, and then, when he asked... I don’t know. It felt kind of strange to say. You and me, dating, it was such a long time ago.”

Though she hoped it didn’t show on her face, inside at least, Rory winced at the sound of her own words. What she said was true, of course. It was a long time ago, but that choice of words, even the way she had said them, it sounded flippant, dismissive. As if what was between them once upon a time didn’t even matter anymore and perhaps that it never had.

“Jess...”

“Hey, I don’t blame you for not telling him,” he told her fast, presumably trying to pre-empt whatever she might say next. “I didn’t either. He asked. Pretty sure he’s as smart as his mom and then some,” he said, with a smile that was so genuine she could hardly stand it. “Anyway, I told him it was not my place to talk to him about your past, and even though I was comfortable sharing parts of mine, that wasn’t an area I was prepared to get into with him. That’s how you want it, right?”

Rory opened her mouth to answer, but then closed it again without a single word or sound escaping. It was a simple question that ought to require a simple answer. ‘Yes, you did the right thing,’ ‘No, you got it wrong.’ Two very easy choices and she already knew the first one was the correct choice, yet she didn’t say it.

Instead, she was doing what she so often did. She was overthinking, overanalysing. Unable to keep from wondering if Jess had kept their dating history from Noah for her sake or for his own. Wondering if it meant he might even regret what they once shared, or if he was just too scared to bring it up because he was harbouring hopes of, what? Rekindling something? That would be crazy, and yet, Rory heard Lane’s voice in her head and wondered if that were really true. Heard Noah making his own pointed comments about Jess’ potential lingering feelings for Rory and wondered at those too.

‘Pretty sure he’s as smart as his mom and then some,’ is what Jess had said about her son, which was a very nice compliment, but was there more to it than just that?

“Rory?” Jess prompted, letting her know she had been silent too long. “Hey, if I got this all wrong-”

“You didn’t,” she told him fast. “I’m sorry, I’m not... This is all a little crazy and unexpected and... I know it’s stupid, but between Noah running off to New York and then you being here, I feel like my head is going to explode a little bit.”

“Can things actually explode just a little bit?” asked Jess, seriously enough that it made her laugh out loud.

That was probably his intention. God, she loved him so much sometimes. The very thought of those words should have been scary to contemplate, but honestly, Rory couldn’t worry about it. She already knew she loved Jess. What form that love took was a whole other question, but after so many years and all they had been through, yes, there was love in her heart for him and there always would be.

“Thank you, Jess,” she told him then.

“You said that already,” he reminded her.

Presumably, he was thinking only of his bringing Noah back to her, or maybe even hanging around long enough for them to spend some time. That wasn’t what she meant at all. For that, at least, she was determined to find the right words, the right answer. Rory was starting to realise this might be one of those ‘now or never’ times in her life, too many of which she had allowed to slide by all too easily in the past.

“I meant thank you for... well, everything. I don’t think I’ve been grateful enough for you being in my life before, Jess, or maybe I have but, but I don’t know that you’ve ever realised how much I appreciate you. Maybe I didn’t either, not entirely, not until you were gone so long. It’s been a really long time.”

He looked away then, the guilt back on his face, the same look he wore too often when they were young and he knew he had screwed up again. In their teen years, he did his best to mask it with anger, humour, anything so that she wouldn’t see the pain. Rory hadn’t known how to help him then. She had barely known how to help herself. At least with all this time past, with all their life experience, they ought to do better. She ought to do better.

“Jess, I don’t know exactly why you haven’t been around much in the last... wow, it has to be the better part of a decade, at least. I could make some educated guesses, but I won’t. All I do know for sure is that I’ve missed you. Some times more than others, but I have missed you. We’ve known each other such a long time, even though I know I had seventeen years of my life before you came along, it’s tough to imagine a time when you weren’t there. I almost feel like it’s been even longer than it has. I have trouble contemplating how we have not seen each other for these last ten years, not once.”

Rory hadn’t realised how emotional talking about it was going to make her, until she heard her own voice crack, felt the tears welling in her eyes.

“I know people grow up and grow apart, and you have a life that can’t always be in Stars Hollow. I don’t want you to feel guilty for not being around, that’s not... You don’t owe me anything. It’s a long time since either of us have owed each other anything, but I... I’d like to think that maybe we could both make more of an effort from here on out. Now that I’ve seen you again, I’d like to keep on seeing you, sometimes. You think you would want that too?”

She almost dreaded the answer he might give her, even though she was fairly certain it would be positive. Maybe that was what she feared most, him telling her what she thought she might like most to hear. That he cared about her still, that he loved her even. That after all this time, she was still the one.

Despite all that she had heard from Noah and Lane, she couldn’t really believe it was true. They had put foolish ideas into her head, and she had been reminiscing too much. Her and Jess as anything more than friends, that was so long over, it was laughable to even consider it for a second. She had to see if that way. Surely, he did too.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around so much,” said Jess at last. “I... There were reasons, probably too boring to mention, but I’ll try and be around more, if that’s what you want.”

“It’s what I want.” Rory nodded into her confirmation, a smile curving her lips. “I always want us to be friends, Jess. Really good friends.”

“Me too.”

His voice was as soft as it had been a million years ago. Quiet moments between them in the dark, that she could never quite forget. Times when he had told her things she knew he would never tell anyone else. When she had sworn he was going to cry, but he never quite did. When she had almost thought he might tell her he loved her, but instead he had kissed her, and still she felt as if he had said the words somehow.

“So, I guess a good friend would make you a cup of coffee,” he said then, clearing his throat and sounding like Jess would usually sound as he moved to put on the machine. “You really look like you could use one. Not that a Gilmore girl ever really looks like she doesn’t.”

Rory smiled and pulled herself up onto a stool by the counter. “I’m not sure I should expect a friend to make me coffee at my own house, but I also won’t try and stop you.”

“I never thought you would,” he told her, sounding amused as he went about his task. “But since we’ve reestablished what great friends we are, there’s something I should probably say to you, you know, friend to friend.”

It was tough not to let herself feel equal parts hopeful and wary as she asked him what it was he had to say. Not that he answered right away, which only made it worse. Rory was about to prompt Jess to go on, when suddenly he turned around and faced her head on again, his expression caught somewhere between serious and pained.

“I think you need to talk to Huntzberger.”

Rory wasn’t sure how to take that, not least because it was probably the very last thing she ever expected Jess to say.

“I know, it’s not my place to give a parent advice, not least because I have no experience in this area whatsoever,” he went on, before she could think of anything to say herself, “but I know what it is to wonder about an absent father. What I said before still stands, me and Noah, we’re two very different people in two different kinds of situations, but we talked a lot today and, and I just really think he needs to see his dad. I get that it’s awkward and it won’t necessarily end well, but he needs something. Even if it’s just a fight and a chance to yell. Even if it’s proof of what an ass Logan really is. He needs something. Some closure, I guess. Not having that...”

“It eats away at you,” Rory finished for him.

Jess only nodded in reply, turning away again in a second when he realised the coffee was ready.

Once again, Rory opened her mouth to speak, but found she just didn’t have the words, or maybe she did and was just to afraid to speak them. At her age, she hoped to have got over her inability to speak up about anything. There was nothing to be scared of, especially not when it came to Jess, she was sure, but saying any more about what they used to mean to each other, what they might mean yet, she just couldn’t. Not with everything else that was going on. She just didn’t have the capacity, not in her brain, most especially not in her heart.

“Here,” said Jess, placing a steaming mug of coffee in front of her.

“Thanks,” she replied, reaching for said mug before he had quite taken his hand away, their fingers briefly touching. “Jess...”

“I think maybe I should go now.”

“Really? Why?” she asked, feeling sick at the thought. “I mean, you came to talk, to catch up, and all we talked about so far was super serious stuff about Noah and Logan and... Please, I want to hear what’s going on with you. Tell me about Truncheon and the guys, and what books you’ve been reading, and your travels. You have been travelling, right? I’m sure Luke said something about Europe.”

“He did. I was over there for a while,” Jess confessed, “but I don’t know how interesting I am as travelogue guy.”

“I know I’ll find anything you want to share interesting,” Rory insisted. “Please?”

It wasn’t fair. If he wanted to leave, she should just let him. Using what he used to call her ‘turning on the big blue eyes’ was so underhanded and just plain bad, but Rory couldn’t help herself. Part of her wanted to see if it still worked. The other, larger part just really, really wanted him to stay and talk to her some more, about anything, about everything.

“Fine.” He sighed like it was the biggest inconvenience in the whole world to spend any time with her, and yet the smile he tried and failed to repress proved that wasn’t true at all.

Rory knew she was grinning as she led the way to the living room and took up her place on the couch. Maybe it a hurt a little that Jess sat quite so far away from her, but she got over it fast. She had his company and attention for a while, and in that moment, it was all she wanted.

Chapter Text

“So, you said a couple of days...”

“You trying to get rid of me, Uncle Luke?” asked Jess with a smirk, turning to look at him shifting awkwardly in place by the door of the apartment.

“Come on, you know that’s not it at all. I was just wondering what your plans were, since you said a couple of days...”

“And it’s been a couple of days” Jess nodded in understanding, cramming the last of his belongings back into his bag and pulling the zippers shut. “Look, I brought Noah back where he belonged, I hung around because Rory wanted us to catch up, which we did, and I even made time to see Liz while I was here. Now, I’m done,” he ended with a shrug of his shoulders. “I’m out of clean clothes, I have work waiting for me, and... and I don’t belong here, Luke.”

It hurt to say that, more than Jess ever could have imagined it would. After all, he had spent plenty of time, back in the day, waiting impatiently to escape the insane asylum that was Stars Hollow. Of course, he always seemed to want to come back, for some reason or another. Mostly Rory, but that was so not an area of conversation he was getting into with Luke right now, if ever.

“You say you don’t belong,” his uncle said then, stepping into Jess’ path the second he went for the door, “but did you ever think maybe you’re wrong about that? Now, I know you always considered yourself a New Yorker, I know you’ve always felt comfortable there, but for a long time, you made Philadelphia work for you. You like California, you had a great time in Europe.”

“So far you’ve pitched about six different places I could make a happy home, Luke,” Jess pointed out. “Why would you think I’d choose Stars Hollow over all of those?”

“You know why.”

It wasn’t what he said but the way he said it, not to mention the look in his eyes when he met his nephew’s gaze. To think it was more than a dozen years ago when they had stood together on the Gilmore girls’ porch and Luke had asked Jess if he and Rory were really over for good. ‘Long over,’ Jess had told him definitely, at least, he supposed it must have sounded definite at the time. God only knew how, because it never actually felt that way to Jess. What was between him and Rory, it would never die, at least not on his side anyway. He didn’t know how to get rid of what he felt for her. Sometimes, he wished he did, other times, he was actually glad he couldn’t, even though it usually hurt like hell.

“Luke...”

“Don’t give me that tone or that look. I got over your wiseass remarks a long, long time ago, and at this point in our long, complicated, back-and-forth relationship, I would like to think you would give me a straight and honest answer to a straight and honest question,” said Luke firmly. “Now tell me, Jess, do you still have those same feelings for Rory?”

He phrased it that way on purpose, Jess was sure of it. Once upon a time, Luke wouldn’t have even thought the word ‘feelings’, much less said it, and he absolutely wouldn’t have said ‘love’ either. Now the L word was out, only because it had too many meanings. Jess would be allowed to love Rory as a friend, as family almost, since his uncle and her mom had been married for so long. To ask him if he loved her wouldn’t get the answer Luke was looking for. ‘Those same feelings.’ There was no getting away from what that was, from what it meant, from how deep it went. There was also no getting away from the serious stare that Luke was giving Jess.

“The truth?” he said, watching Luke nod once before he sighed and gave his honest reply. “Yes. Honestly, not sure there’s ever really been a time when I haven’t.”

He wasn’t sure if that was what Luke was expecting to hear. He had to at least have an idea about Jess’ true feelings, or he never would have asked the question. Over the years, they had a few serious conversations about Rory, but it had been a while, not least because Jess just hadn’t been around to have them.

“She’s why you haven’t come around so much these past few years.”

“Yes,” Jess confirmed, nodding once. “And believe me, I know that probably sounds crazy to you, but after Noah was born... Trust me, I knew a long time ago that the likelihood of me and Rory ever getting back together was next to zero, but suddenly, the almost-zero went down to absolute zero, and I just had to be anywhere else. The longer I was gone, the easier it was to stay away. I’m sorry, Luke.”

“Sorry?” he echoed, shaking his head. “Why would you have to be sorry to me?”

Jess dumped his bag back on the table and sunk down into the chair next to it with a thud. Running a hand over his face, he finally faced the conversation he ought to have known had been coming for years now, certainly the whole time since he made his return to Stars Hollow, after so long away.

“I stopped coming around, stopped visiting you, Liz too. I went out of my way to be any place but here. You have no idea the excuses I made up to not come around for Thanksgiving, Christmas...”

“I knew.” Luke told him, a hint of a smirk on his lips as he moved to take the chair at the end of the table, sinking down into it with the kind of sighing groan that only came out of men of a certain age. “Well, I guess I didn’t exactly know, but I suspected. Don’t get me wrong, I never expected you to be excited by family events. You get your loner tendencies from me,” he explained, smiling genuinely for a moment, before the expression faded as fast as it came in. “But you got so determined about not coming around for anything, ever, and any time Rory or Noah got mentioned in one of our calls... I don’t know, I just had a feeling they were your problem. The only way it made sense was if you still had those feelings for her, but you told me before it was long over...”

“It was, it is,” Jess insisted, shaking his head. “It has to be, in every way that matters. I can’t change what I feel, Luke, but I also can’t change the fact that Rory doesn’t... She moved on. Years ago now. Decades. She got over me and I never got over her. That’s my problem to deal with, nobody else’s.”

He tried to maintain eye contact, but the empathy he saw in Luke’s face was too much to bear and he had to look away, his eyes going to the floor as he scuffed his shoe on the cracked linoleum.

“I know it’s stupid, believe me, I do, and there were times when I thought I was over it, over her. I moved on, or I thought I could, at least. There were other women in my life, you know that but, but nobody that fit, you know?”

“I know.” Luke nodded as Jess glanced at him. “It’s how I feel about Lorelai.”

Jess nodded back, unsurprised to hear his uncle say that. They both fell for a Gilmore girl, got sucked in to the point where there was simply no escape. The difference was, Luke got some semblance of a happy ending with the love of his life, even if it did take a while to properly work out. Jess hadn’t been so lucky. He knew, at this point, more than ever, that he never would be now.

“You know, you could’ve had another shot,” Luke said then, catching Jess’ attention, even if he didn’t really believe him - that must have shown in his expression, given what Luke said next. “When Rory found out she was pregnant, obviously, she had to tell the father, but by that time, Huntzberger was engaged to somebody else. Now, I don’t know everything that happened, it was a while ago, and I had it mostly second-hand from Lorelai, but even when he offered to pick Rory, she said no. She never wanted to be with him, not really. I can’t say for sure that she never loved him. I almost want to think that she did, once, for Noah’s sake, if nothing else, but she wouldn’t ever be with him long-term. He wasn’t the one for her. Sure, he’s Noah’s father and he should be there for him. I could happily knock him into next Thursday all day long for not caring about his kid, but I got no problem with him staying away from Rory. Like I said, she doesn’t want him either. She has made that very clear, over the years.”

Jess heaved a sigh. “She didn’t want Logan, and God knows, I don’t blame her, but she still had Noah to think of, Luke. There was no way I could get in the middle of that. What was I going to offer to do? Raise her kid like he was mine? Have her say yes to that because it was easier than being alone?”

“You think she would have done that to you? Used you like that?” Luke asked angrily.

“I didn’t mean it that way.” Jess rolled his eyes. “You know that I didn’t. I’m just saying... I would’ve lived my life wondering if she took me back, at least partly, because she needed somebody. Later, I know, the same as you, that I could’ve said something. Maybe I should have, I don’t know, but the fact is, I didn’t, and it’s too late now. Rory’s focus had to be Noah, I wanted it to be. There was no way in hell I was getting in the way of that either, and like I said, now it’s too late.”

Saying it out loud, over and over, it started to make the twisting feeling in Jess’ gut reach an unbearable level. Before he thought about it too much, he was up from his chair, his bag pulled up onto his shoulder as he prepared to leave. He had hoped that, after thirty years, he had learned to stop running, but he would be a liar if he said so. In that moment, he felt as if he wanted to run as fast and as far as he could, right off the edge of the world, if it came to that. Of course, he knew that Luke wouldn’t let him, before his uncle’s hand ever landed on his shoulder.

“I know you’re hurting. Apparently, I didn’t fully appreciate how deep this still went with you,” he said sadly, “but please, do me one favour before you leave, maybe forever.”

Jess turned to look at him, unsure what came next, dreading that it might be what he suspected. It was so surprise when Luke said the words he had been hoped not to hear.

“Say goodbye this time. Come on, she deserves that much.”

“Hey, warden. How’s the prisoner doing?”

“Still not funny,” Rory told her mother, rolling her eyes even as she moved aside to let Lorelai into the house.

“Hey, I’ll have you know, I am hilarious. Everybody says so.”

“I don’t.”

“Wow, such a sourpuss. Is this all about Noah’s New York adventure, or are we thinking about a man more in your own generational age bracket?”

Rory heaved a sigh as they both sat down in the living room, close together on the couch. “I really, really, really do not want to deal with Logan, but I know that I have to, and I hate it. And yes, I know that makes me sound like even more of a sullen teenager than Noah could ever be, but what I can say? Logan does not bring out the best side of me.”

“Ain’t that the truth?” said Lorelai with a look. “Gotta say, babe, he never really has. Pretty sure the only good thing that ever came from that guy is our boy upstairs.”

“I can’t actually argue with that,” Rory agreed with a half-smile. “Ugh, can’t you talk to him for me? I know I’m a little old to be asking mommy to do the things I can’t or don’t want to, but just this once?”

“Trust me, sweets, you do not want me to talk to Logan Huntzberger. It would not end pretty for anybody,” she said, not even joking, Rory was sure.

Still, she was grateful for the way her mother pulled her close into her side and hugged her tight. Times like these, it really didn’t matter how old she got, Rory was sure she would always appreciate the comfort her mom could bring. She supposed that was true for lots of people, except strangely for Lorelai herself perhaps.

“So, you’re going to call him, and say what? ‘Come see your son, you useless ass’?”

“Something like that, I guess.” Rory sighed one more time. “I keep on trying to find the right way to put it, the right words, the right thing that will actually help this stupid situation, but I still don’t know where to start. I’m not sure if Logan wanting to see Noah would be better, or if everything would be simpler if he refused. Jess said that Noah just needs closure. I think he’s probably right. He needs answers that only Logan can give, about why he hasn’t been around.”

“Jess said this?” Lorelai checked.

Rory nodded her head, smiling as she so easily pictured the guy in the armchair across the room, when they had their long catch-up yesterday. It was nice. Really nice. Even nicer than she ever could have imagined, just spending some time, talking, reconnecting, genuinely enjoying each other’s company.

“Rory, honey, I don’t-”

Before Lorelai could say anymore, there was a knock on the front door. Both women looked around expectantly, yet neither moved to answer the knocking. In the end, Rory got up to go, shaking her head and telling herself how dumb she was to have waited on someone else to do it. After all, it was her house!

“Jess, hey,” she said, the moment she opened the door and saw him there, feeling more stunned than she should by the sight of the man she had just been thinking about. “Uh, we were just talking about you.”

“You and Noah?” he asked.

“No, me and... Mom,” she confirmed, just as Lorelai appeared at her side, pulling the door open wider so that could both peer out.

“Hey, nephew-in-law,” she greeted him with too wide a smile.

“Funny how that never gets old,” he dead-panned in reply.

“I know, right?” Lorelai continued to smile big, always loving an excuse to continue a bit. “Uh, so, I was going to make coffee,” she said, casting some kind of significant look at her daughter, before taking herself straight to the kitchen.

“Oh, yeah, thanks,” Rory said absently, still wondering what the strange look was for, before finally bringing her attention back to Jess, waiting patiently on her porch. “Oh, I’m sorry, did you wanna come in?”

“I can’t really hang around,” he told her, gesturing back to his car on the kerb. “I just... I was headed out. Wanted to stop by, say goodbye.”

The stabbing pain in Rory’s heart almost made her stumble back, but she managed not to let it show. At least, she hoped that she did. Jess wasn’t looking at her as if she were crazy, so that was probably a good sign. Actually, he wasn’t really looking at her at all, which was less good, she considered.

“Goodbye?” she echoed, clearing her throat so that she could go on. “Wow, that sounds so permanent. And here was me actually hoping maybe it wouldn’t be so long between visits this time.”

“I don’t mean goodbye forever or anything,” Jess confirmed, looking as awkward as she felt somehow. “I just feel kind of weird saying au revoir, so...”

“Yes, that would be weird,” she agreed, with a smile that she couldn’t help.

It wasn’t just the words he said, but the way that he said them. That and the old familiar smirk that never failed to make her knees a little weak.

“Please, come in. Just for a minute?” she urged him then. “I really think Noah would want to see you before you go.”

Jess looked like he wanted to say no, but in the end, for reasons she didn’t dare to think too much about just now, he agreed. Of course, the moment he stepped into the house, Rory realised her mom was coming out of the kitchen, a tray in her hand, laden down with coffee, cups, and cookies.

“I know you’re not big on the coffee,” she told Jess, “but I found some tea in the kitchen...”

“Thanks, but I’m not staying. In fact, I’m leaving. Heading back to New York.”

“Oh, right, okay.” Lorelai nodded, now staring at him in an odd way.

Rory seized the moment to go to the bottom of the stairs and yell up to Noah about Jess being there to say goodbye. She really wasn’t entirely sure what response she would get, but was genuinely pleased to realise she had been right about her son wanting to see Jess before he left.

“Come say bye to Uncle Jess, kid.” Lorelai grinned too much from her spot now on the couch, pouring coffee and choosing a cookie.

Noah rolled his eyes. “Grandma thinks she’s funny.”

“Grandma always did,” Jess muttered, in such a way that Rory’s mom missed it, even when the other two heard. “So, I’m headed out. Just wanted to say, you know, good luck with your father and everything, and maybe next time you want to come to New York, ask your mom first.”

Rory half-expected Noah to balk at the instructions from someone who had no right to give them. Instead, he surprised her by taking the sound advice to heart.

“Thanks,” he told Jess, hesitating a moment before holding out a hand. “It was good to meet you, or re-meet you, I guess.”

“Same here,” Jess told him, grasping his hand and shaking it briefly. “Uh, so, yeah, I’ll be getting out of your hair. I guess I’ll see you, sometime.”

“Sometime.” Rory nodded, wondering why the world was so blurry all of a sudden.

She couldn’t be crying, that would be so stupid. What did she have to cry about, after all? Jess was just going home. She would see him again, he just said so. Not goodbye, but au revoir. It wasn’t forever, and even if it were, he wasn’t hers to miss, not really. Not in that way. Not for a really long time.

As he headed for the door, she followed, glad to note that Noah had gone to snag some cookies from Grandma, who also wasn’t moving from her seat.

“So, you’ll keep in touch this time, right? I really hope so anyway.”

“I will.” Jess nodded. “I promise,” he told her, proving she must have looked as sceptical as she felt about that.

“I believe you,” Rory confirmed, swiping at her eyes before a tear could fall. “Sorry, I’m being weird.”

Jess sighed and she wondered why. She might have asked, if not for the fact that he then took her by surprise, pulling her into a hug and holding her tight. Rory hugged back, for all she was worth, tears flowing all too freely, before finally, they parted.

“We’ll talk,” he assured her one more time, a half-smile tugging at his lips, and then, with a salute-like wave that she remembered so well, he turned and walked away to his car and drove out of her life, again.

Chapter Text

Jess scrolled the page back up and tried again to make sense of the chapter he was reviewing. At this point, he honestly wasn’t sure if it was the fault of the author or himself, but he had read the thing five times, and still, it made no sense. Maybe it really was just garbage, though Jess would be surprised if it were. The last two books by the same author had done pretty well, all things considered. Most likely it was his own fault that he wasn’t getting it. He hadn’t had much in the way of decent sleep in the past week, ever since he got back from Stars Hollow, and that was really screwing up his concentration.

Giving it up as a lost cause, Jess pushed the laptop away and closed the lid with a thud. There was really no point in keeping on trying for the time being. He would be better off taking a walk to clear his head or something. Getting up from the desk, he went over to the window and realised the whole walking thing wasn’t going to happen. The rain was running down the window so much, he could barely even see outside.

Heaving a sigh, he started walking around the living room instead, half-considering taking a shower as he reached the bathroom door, but ultimately deciding against. That might wake him up some, but the monotony of the task would just give him too much time to think. He was better off with a distraction. Sometimes, TV would work, almost always, he could rely on a book, but with his concentration compromised, he had already established that reading wasn’t working for him.

With a growl of frustration, he sunk down into the couch and put his face in his hands. He was an idiot. He really and truly was so damn stupid. For more than ten years, he managed his life perfectly well, staying away from Stars Hollow, keeping his distance from Rory and Noah, knowing that he was better off that way.

Of course, he had to go ahead and screw up his own plan. That was what Jess did. It was factored into his DNA to be a screw-up, just like his parents before him. Sure, Jimmy and Liz had both gotten to a better place eventually, but apparently, even at the age of forty-seven, Jess couldn’t manage the same.

The door buzzer sound startled him from his self-pity and got him back on his feet. Walking over, he picked the phone up from the wall and put it to his ear.

“Jess? Seriously, let me in already. I’m drowning out here!”

The yelling was all too familiar and he didn’t even hesitate in hitting the door release. He also moved quickly to the bedroom, the minute he hung up the receiver, fetching a blanket that he could throw around his cousin the second she made it to the apartment.

As he suspected, April had not been exaggerating about the drowning. She was absolutely soaked to the skin when she came stumbling into his place, grateful for the blanket, her teeth chattering and her body shivering.

“Nice to see you, cous,” he said, leading her over to the armchair and sitting her down.

“Tea, please?” she urged him.

Jess wasted no time in heading for the kitchen to make her a hot drink. During the process, he thought about asking why she had come visiting, but somehow, he just didn’t feel the need. April was there to check up on him, either because she wanted to for herself, or more likely because Luke had convinced her to do it.

Not that Jess had done anything to make them worry. When his uncle texted, he replied, both times, and it had only been a week since he was in Stars Hollow with everyone.

“Thanks,” April said, taking the steaming mug of tea into both hands and hugging it tightly. “Why do good deeds never go unpunished anyway?”

Jess smirked at that, taking a seat on the nearby couch. “I’m too tired to untangle Eudo’s inverted morality right now,” he told her, immediately regretting his choice of words when she stared at him almost accusingly. “What?”

“Not been sleeping so well, huh? Something on your mind?” she asked, one eyebrow arched as she continued to give him the hairy eyeball while sipping her hot tea.

“What are you doing here, April?” he asked, answering her question with his own, which he knew for a fact always drove her nuts. “Shouldn’t you be at home with the husband, giving him weird looks over your own tableware?”

“Usually, yes,” she agreed, “but he has the twins this weekend.”

“Huh. So, Wicked Stepmom wasn’t invited?”

“Wicked Stepmom sometimes likes the chance for a little alone time,” April told him, smirking hard. “You do know that doesn’t bother me anymore, right? For one thing, ‘wicked’ has a positive meaning as well as a negative one these days.”

“So does ‘sick’ but I don’t go around using it the other way,” Jess pointed out. “Anyway, back to my question. What are you doing here, April?”

“How about back to my first question,” she countered. “Something on your mind? I mean, speaking as we were of stepfamilies...”

She did a good significant look. Always had. Jess couldn’t imagine she learned that from Luke. Maybe it came in sideways from Liz. That he could absolutely believe, actually. Of course, he knew, even without the look, that she was talking about Rory. He had been 99% sure her step-sister, or his ex, depending on the point of view, was bound to be April’s real reason for dropping by. Everything was always about Rory.

“You think your stepfamily is on my mind?” he said, shaking his head. “Honestly, I don’t give Lorelai all that much thought.”

“Did anybody ever tell you you’re hilarious?”

“Not lately.”

“There’s a reason for that.” April’s quips weren’t always smart, but they were always fast, Jess would give her that much at least. “Come on, cous, let’s dispense with the preamble. You and I both know that I’m here partly because my dad is worried about you, and partly because I’m worried about you. We both also know that the source of the worry is your ever-present feelings for Rory, which you have apparently been harbouring since I was in the fourth grade. That’s a very long time for unrequited love to go on, Jess.”

He would like to argue with her, he really would, but they both knew there would be no point. His feelings for Rory were not something he talked about much, but Luke had managed to get the truth out of him on his last visit, there was no avoiding that. As for April, she had known longer. Child genius that she was, she had figured out that something happened between Rory and Jess way before anybody mentioned it to her. Then she had some details from her step-sister on the subject, quite a while ago. Anything Jess had told her had been more by accident than design. There had been a drink in his hand at the time, and quite a few more already rolling around inside of him, when he started getting easy with the truth.

“Not that I believe that it’s truly unrequited...”

That part got his attention very suddenly, so much so Jess felt he almost gave himself whiplash with the way he looked at April then.

“Oh, come on!” she said, rolling her eyes. “You really think Rory is the type to date a person and then want to have them stay in her life for literal decades without loving them? Uh, no.”

Putting her half-empty mug down on the table, April started shucking off the blanket, plus her wet coat and hat then, clearly having warmed up sufficiently in the heated apartment. Of course, indignation and smart aleckyness probably warmed a body up pretty well too. Certainly, if that weren’t usually considered the case, April was trying to prove her own working theory.

“You’re cracked,” Jess told her anyway, because it was easier than actually taking her seriously.

“And you’re delusional if you think you’re this big mysterious guy with a secret unrequited life-long crush on the girl next-door.” April sighed, picking up her mug and finishing off her tea in a series of large gulps. “Jess, you need to be honest,” she told him then, sentence punctuated by the clonk of the empty mug being set back on the coffee table.

“Honest?” he checked, deciding to play for time, since it was all he had right now.

“You ever think maybe Rory is just waiting for you to tell her that you still love her? That you guys should give it another try? I mean, it’s been thirty years since the first time, what the hell are you waiting for?”

He wanted to make fun of her for being so dramatic. Usually, that’s exactly what he would do, just as he had since she was a teen. It wasn’t that she was grown up and married with step-kids to help raise that stopped him. It was because, just this once, she actually had a point. God, Jess hated that.

“She call the blond dick yet?”

He had to ask. He didn’t want to, but he had to. Perhaps the one thing Jess hated more than admitting April was right was having to bring Logan Huntzberger into the conversation, but there really was no choice in the matter. He started out disliking the jerk because of who and what he was, not least the part where he was seeing Rory. By now, he hated him on Noah’s behalf, as well. Another absent father who didn’t really have any excuse for staying away, Jess was pretty certain about that.

“I don’t have all the details,” April admitted, sighing as she leaned back into the couch cushions, looking somewhat defeated, all of a sudden. “The way Dad tells it, Rory called every number she had and never got any further than leaving messages all over the place. It’s almost as if Huntzberger doesn’t want to be found.”

“He’s an idiot,” said Jess without pause.

“Generally, I agree,” his cousin replied just as fast, “but you sound like you were being specific.”

Even then, Jess could have given April a whole host of very specific reasons for why he considered Rory’s more recent ex to be a prize fool, but there was one in particular that he had been referring to just then. There didn’t seem to be any reason to hide it, given what it was.

“He can play hideaway from phone calls and messages, but Rory knows where she can find him. His family name is plastered on enough buildings around here, it’s just a process of elimination. Besides, somebody will almost always be at the family manor in Hartford. If not him, then his parents. You think they wouldn’t jump at the chance to hear something about their grandson? One thing I learned from the Gilmores, you can piss off grandparents just as much as you want, but they will always, always want to know their grandkids.”

“You talk as if you want Rory to find Logan.”

“Because for once in my life, maybe I actually do,” Jess told April crossly, pissed at having to admit such a thing, and just a little bit more so because she couldn’t figure it out for herself and was making him say it. “You know as well as I do what it does to a kid, not knowing their dad, but remember, in a lot of ways, you were lucky. Your dad wasn’t around because he didn’t know about you. I know how Noah feels, better than anyone.”

April nodded in agreement and understanding, but said nothing. For all her doctoral qualifications, she knew better than to delve too far into her cousin’s psyche, at least when they were both sober, anyway. She had heard enough tales of woe from his past, all the gritty details of Jimmy’s abandonment and Liz’s numerous issues too, that had landed Jess with almost all possible flavours of childhood neuroses that went on and spilled into young adulthood.

He was better these days, he had to be, but that feeling deep inside of being unwanted from the day he was born, it never entirely went away, no matter how good things were between him and Jimmy, at this point.

“Well, that’s one thing nobody has to worry about,” said April, after a long silence that fast became painful. “As much as you can’t stand Logan, and let’s be fair, none of us can after the way he treated first Rory and then Noah, at least you’re not taking it out on his kid. I don’t think you’d have any problems being a step-dad.”

Jess smiled, almost laughed at how seriously she said that. “Not going to happen, April,” he told her firmly. “Me and Rory...”

“You and Rory are perfect for each other,” she said, louder than he was talking, perhaps more firmly than he ever heard her say anything before, and she had that patented look of Danes determination in her eyes, which was so very hard to argue with too. “You know, even if I didn’t know you guys used to be together, you just fit, you click, you’re two halves of a whole. Show me a romantic cliche or trope, and I’ll pick out a moment in the history of Rory and Jess to fit it. You love her. She loves you. You get along with her kid now. Her family is your family, which yes, I know, should make this whole thing so incestuous and inappropriate, but it’s not. It’s actually perfect.”

Jess snorted. “You’re a science geek. You don’t believe in perfect. There’s always that pesky margin of error, remember?”

“That so does not apply here,” she said, rolling her eyes one more time. “And even if it did, I firmly believe that you and Rory might just be the one dead cert in this world. No margin of error, just true fact.”

He wished he had a smartass comeback to that. Jess would give almost anything to be able to come up with something, but in the end, he had to concede, he had nothing. Not one single way to fight April in what she said about him and Rory, because even if he wasn’t the perfect guy for her, he knew damn well she was perfect woman for him and always would be. The question then became, was he going to do what so many other people seemed to want him to, and actually say something to Rory about it?

Chapter Text

“Having a tough time making a choice?” asked Rory, discovering her son in the living room, pouring over one of their many shared bookshelves.

“Not really,” he muttered, finger running along the edge of one more shelf, his head tilted over a little as he searched for something. “When Jess was here, he told me he wrote a book, like, a really long time ago.”

“Oh, yes. He did do that,” Rory confirmed, recalling all too clearly the day Jess had told her about it, handing her a copy of The Subsect, telling her he couldn’t have done it without her.

Even now, the same wonderful shiver went through her at the memory. It was one of many that had never faded over time and she was glad. Not that she wanted to share that kind of thing with her son. She was pretty sure he would appreciate her not doing so, actually!

“He said we should have a copy. That he gave you one of the first editions...”

“He did, but it’s not there,” Rory confirmed, feeling strangely nervous when Noah gave her a questioning look. “It’s in my room, somewhere. I never put it on the shelf because, well, I guess it never occurred to me that anyone but me would ever want to read it. Not because it’s not great, because it is. It’s one of the best books I ever read and it’s so... Jess,” she explained badly, and she knew it too, without ever being told. “Um, if you wanted to read it, I guess I could try to track down the right box...”

She headed for the stairs to do just that, even then hoping that Noah was about to tell her not to bother. She wasn’t sure why she would be so protective of her old battered copy of Jess’ first and only published work. After all, it was her son who was asking about it, not a random friend of a friend. She knew that Noah had just as much respect for books as she did, which only doubled when those books belonged to someone else. He wouldn’t do any harm to anything she might lend to him, he certainly never had before, yet she was apprehensive. She really hoped she didn’t have to explain why.

“If it’s not-” Noah started to say, but whatever might have come next fell by the wayside, the moment somebody knocked on the front door. “I’ll get it,” he said, going that way.

Rory meant to keep on going up the stairs, since she had no real reason not to, but something stuck her feet just exactly where they were, making her wait and see who had come visiting. It was only ten days since Jess went home to New York. The chances of him coming back again so fast were slim to none.

It was only after she dismissed him as an option that a cold feeling ran through her when another potential visitor came to mind. Calling after Noah, she hurried down the stairs to give chase, but never made it. She was halfway across the living room, when she realised with a sickening thud of her heart that she had been right on her second guess, hearing his voice, then coming face-to-face with the familiar and still-charming smile.

“Hey, Ace. It’s been a while.”

“Logan.” His name came out strangled and strange, though she hadn’t meant for it to. “Uh, I didn’t... I know I’ve been trying to get a hold of you, but I figured you’d just call me back or...”

“I was going to,” he explained, hands in his pockets as he shifted in place, looking a little awkward, but trying his best to cover it, just like always. “Then I thought, if it’s about my son, a call just wasn’t going to cut it.”

The snorting sound that Rory had considered making herself actually seemed to come out of Noah, getting the attention of both his parents at the same time. The poor kid looked so small all of a sudden, and so very, very young too. At fourteen, there were times when Rory looked at him and saw the young man he was becoming, almost feeling sad that he wasn’t really her little boy anymore. Now she saw the baby she used to carry in one arm, the toddler she had helped learn to walk, the small child who had sat in her lap, learning to read along with her. She wanted so badly to make this moment easier, she just didn’t know how.

“Uh, so, you want to sit or...?” she asked Logan, gesturing towards the couch, before realising it was cluttered with her laptop, an abandoned sweatshirt, and more.

“Actually, I was thinking maybe Noah and I could go out some place. As I recall, there’s not much in Stars Hollow, but we could always-”

“No,” Rory told him fast, realising too late quite how loudly she had said it. “I mean, you don’t need to go anywhere. If you two want to be alone to talk, I’m happy to go somewhere else, but there’s no need for you to go out, is there?”

The last two words were directed at Noah, because even though Logan seemed to think he was taking charge of this situation he had only just deigned to walk back into, Rory was determined to give her son the power. He was the one who went looking for Logan in the first place. He was the one that had prompted Rory to make calls and leave messages. All of this had to be at his speed, to his plan, nobody else’s. It was the only way it was going to work.

“We can hang here, talk some,” he said eventually, nodding his head. “But you don’t have to go anywhere, Mom.”

The way he said it gave away that he wasn’t consenting to her staying close by but actually asking her not to leave him. Once again, she looked at him and saw the small boy he used to be, pleading with her not to leave his side until he fell asleep, not to let go of his hand and lose him in a crowd of people.

“I actually have some things to do upstairs, if you two want to talk down here. Does that work?”

Once again, she looked past Logan to her son, even as her ex said of course it would be fine. Noah nodded his head, looking convincing enough to Rory that she nodded once back at him, gave him an encouraging smile, then gathered up her things from the couch and headed for the stairs.

“If you need me, just yell,” she advised her son, glancing only once more at Logan, before heading on up.

Her ears strained until the last moment for any small snatch of conversation she might hear between her son and her ex, but there was nothing but stoney silence in her wake.

“I’ll have this manuscript polished up and sent over for print by three, then I’m headed out for a few days, but if you get those edits back from Jardine and need me to take a look, just shoot me an email. I’ll work it in somewhere.”

“Sounds good,” said Chris on the other end of the line, “but I gotta ask, what’s with all the personal trips, man? I swear, we used to have to pretty much force your arm up your back to make you take vacation days before, and now, this will be the second long weekend away, for nothing business-related that I can see, inside of a couple of weeks.”

Jess sighed, not at all sure he wanted to get into the details just yet, not when everything was still so undefined.

“Just family stuff,” he said after a minute, since it was at least half true. “Nothing anybody needs to worry about.”

“Well, that’s good to know. So, are you coming up for the meeting on 17th or will you be dialling in this time?”

“I should make it to Philly, no problem,” Jess confirmed, “but right now, I have to go, if you want this manuscript today, before I leave for the Hollow.”

Chris seemed to take the hint, making sure to wish his buddy luck before the call was over. Jess thanked him, wondering vaguely if, after twenty plus years, it was just that his friend knew him well enough he could actually read his mind or at least make a decent prediction as to what his next step in Stars Hollow was going to be. Jess sighed, shook his head, and tossed his cell away across the desk. As if he even knew himself what the next step truly was.

Sure, he was going to Stars Hollow to talk to Rory, with a vague idea of what he was going to say to her, a lot of which was dependant on her reactions to the part he started with. Floating the idea that he might still have feelings for her was going to be so weird and awkward, most especially if she told him she hadn’t thought about him that way in years. There was a chance that would happen, but Jess really hoped not. Of course, that didn’t stop the fear lingering in the back of his mind. The little voice of self-doubt rearing its ugly head and telling him he wasn’t worthy.

“Manuscript,” he told himself sternly, putting his eyes on the screen and trying his best to concentrate.

Another hour and he ought to be done with the final edits, and then he could head out. Until then, he had to keep his focus. He actually did pretty well, for about fifteen minutes. Then his cell started ringing loudly, the added vibration making it dance on the table-top in front of him. Jess grabbed it only to shut it off, until he saw who was calling.

“Rory?” he checked, in spite of the fact he already saw her name on the screen.

“Logan is here,” she told him without preamble, her voice so soft, he almost couldn’t hear her at all. “He got my messages, or at least one of them from somewhere, I guess, and he just showed up.”

Jess’ mouth opened but no words came out. He really didn’t know where to begin, except for the obvious.

“Why are you whispering?” he asked her, trying not to do the same thing himself, since there was no need, as far as he could tell.

“Because, I’m upstairs, giving father and son space and time,” she explained, in a slightly louder whisper than before, “and as much as I know I’m doing the right thing, I just really, really want to know what’s going on.”

Biting his lip, Jess found himself caught between worry for Noah, anger at Logan, and a fit of laughter brought on by picturing Rory most likely crouched as close to the top of her staircase as she dare, trying to eavesdrop without giving herself away.

“Jess?”

“Still here,” he confirmed immediately, feeling bad he might have made her worry. “I, uh... How was Noah when Logan showed up?”

“Fine. Stunned, but okay, I think,” she said, heaving a sigh right after. “I don’t know. I made sure he was okay with me coming up and leaving them alone. I just thought, well, they couldn’t really talk with me there, right? It’s better that it’s just them.”

“I guess so.” Jess nodded, realising too late that it was pointless. “Uh, I mean, the last thing the kid needs to see is Mom and Dad tearing pieces out of each other, right?”

“Right,” Rory agreed. “That’s what I thought. You know, sometimes, I wonder what I ever even saw in Logan. Either time.”

“Please don’t ask me to tell you,” Jess urged her, glad to hear what sounded like something close to laughter in his ear.

“Believe me, I know that would never happen. Well, they say no news is good news. They do still say that, don’t they? What I mean is, I haven’t heard any screaming or yelling or shattering of glass or whatever. I’m taking that as a good sign.”

“Me too.” There was a pause that went on too long, before Jess found what he hoped was something constructive to say. “You know, when I first reconnected with Jimmy, there was some yelling, a whole boatload of awkward, but it still worked out in the end. What I’m saying is, even if you do hear a commotion, it’s not necessarily a tragedy.”

“Thanks, Jess,” she told him then. “That does help, although I’m not sure what to think about the seriously eerie quiet now. Either they’re sitting there not talking at all or...”

The sentence hung there unfinished so long that Jess almost thought he lost the connection. Then, suddenly, Rory spoke again.

“That was the front door. So, that must mean Logan is gone. I have to go.”

“Okay, well, let me know if-”

That was as far as Jess got before the call ended. Not that he blamed Rory at all. Besides, he was headed to the Hollow later this afternoon, and tomorrow morning, he could drop by and find out exactly what happened.

“Noah?”

Rory found her son standing in the middle of the living, staring out towards the front door, as if he were expecting someone to walk in. On the contrary, she supposed, he just watched somebody walk out, namely his father.

“So, he’s gone?” she checked, sure she must be right, but unsure what else to say, other than the horribly obvious thing that followed. “Are you okay?”

When he finally turned around to look at her, Rory got her answer and in the most awful way. Silent tears were streaming from Noah’s eyes, and then, suddenly, he was throwing himself into her arms, almost taking her off her feet with the force. Rory didn’t care. She just held onto him as tight as she could, letting him cry it out for as long as he needed, until he could tell her exactly what happened.

Chapter Text

He hadn’t been sure that he should follow through on his plans to head home. Jess realised too late how those words had come together in his mind, how he so easily referred to Stars Hollow as home all of a sudden. Years ago, when he was still a teenager, it wouldn’t have been so weird, since he was living there and all. Now, it was just stupid and he knew it, and yet.

Either way, after the strange and abruptly-ended call from Rory, he had reconsidered his plans. Now hardly seemed like the right time to go talking to his ex about maybe getting back together, three decades after their first try. Not when her son’s father just came back into her life. Not when said son had been suffering with some pretty awkward daddy issues. Basically, the timing for a love confession would really suck, Jess knew. It was why he decided not to drive over to the Hollow that night.

Of course, after hours of barely sleeping, of lying there staring at the ceiling, thinking too hard about himself and Jimmy, as well as Noah and Logan, he ended up setting out early the next morning instead. Maybe it wasn’t smart to be driving purely by the power of caffeine and cigarettes, but it wasn’t as if he never did it before. Besides, he had a good reason. He could think of none better than Rory and her son.

When he got into town, he had planned to go straight over to their house. Then he realised it was barely nine o’clock on a Saturday and started to backtrack in his plans. Tossing a coin in his head, he picked the old Crap Shack over the diner and went that way instead. Luke would at least be happy to see him, even if Lorelai wasn’t so much, and he ought to be home rather than at the diner. Probably. Maybe. The semi-retirement had a habit of not sticking so well.

“Hey, Uncle Luke.” Jess smiled in through the open front door.

“Wow. You took ‘don’t stay away too long this time’ very seriously. Welcome back, nephew,” he said, pulling Jess right into a brief, manly hug.

“I’d say it’s good to be here but, well, I guess you know who showed up at Rory’s door yesterday?”

As they pulled apart and Jess saw the look on Luke’s face, he knew for sure that he knew exactly.

“Don’t even talk to me about that...” he practically growled, apparently not even daring to add any descriptors, for fear of what they might be.

“Right there with you,” Jess agreed without pause.

“Oh, okay,” said Lorelai, appearing from the kitchen then. “Didn’t know we called for the cavalry.”

“The cavalry?” Jess echoed, a little confused by the reference.

“Back-up, reinforcements, second wave,” Lorelai rattled off like a thesaurus, as if that was the response he had been looking for. “For the Huntzberger butt-kicking festivities, right?” she said then, completely dead-pan as her eyes shifted to Luke.

“That’s not something we kid about, Lorelai.”

“Who’s kidding?” she scoffed, gesturing for the guys to follow her as she headed for the couch. “Seriously, give me five minutes alone in a room with that asshat, and I swear I wouldn’t need any help at all, but trust me when I tell you, he sure wouldn’t be making any more kids to let down, that’s for damn sure.”

Jess wasn’t surprised to realise that Luke was as quick to cross his legs at the sound of that remark as he was himself. Not that he blamed Lorelai for her attitude at all. The way Logan had treated Rory was bad enough, but abandoning Noah, for no reason that anybody could figure out, that made him a whole other level of douche-bag.

“You were making coffee, right?” Luke asked Lorelai then.

“I put on the machine. Of course, if I’d known we were having company, I would’ve thrown on the tea kettle too.”

“I’ll go,” Luke offered, getting up to do just that.

“Bring cookies also, please?” she called after him, before her gaze returned to Jess. “Don’t get any ideas. He’s been trying to limit my intake of fat and sugar for a while, because he loves me, of course, but one of the loopholes of cookies is company. You’re company.”

“Huh.” Jess nodded, unsure what else he was supposed to do or say.

Though things thawed a lot between him and Lorelai at one time, it had been a good long while since they had been around each other much. Besides, with Jess seriously contemplating his romantic feelings for Rory again, it only served to remind him how totally against the relationship Lorelai had been back in the day. It was why he was so surprised when she suddenly spoke up again.

“So, you came here to tell Rory how you feel about her,” she said, a statement, not a question, with a smile that almost scared Jess more than any anger he might have expected. “That’s some serious love you have for my daughter if the flame is still burning after all this time.”

“Apparently,” he agreed, shifting awkwardly under her intense gaze. “Not that I... I mean, that was why I was coming here, yesterday. Then after she called and told me about Huntzberger showing up...”

“Serious case of potential bad timing.” Lorelai nodded in understanding. “But you came over anyway.”

“For Noah,” Jess told her, almost amused by the shock that registered on her face. “And for Rory, obviously, but also for Noah. I’ve stood in his shoes, more or less.”

Lorelai nodded once more. “You know, for what it’s worth, it didn’t take Luke spilling the tea to tell me that you still loved Rory. I mean, I didn’t know for sure, but I always wondered. Let’s just say it was no great surprise to find out you still had the big feelings.”

“And you’re not warning me off?”

“Nope, not this time,” she said, shaking her head definitely. “Who knows? Maybe this is your time. The era of Jess and Rory,” she suggested, with a flourish of her hands.

“Jess and Rory and Noah,” he said definitely.

It hadn’t been some deliberate move to get her on side, only the truth and the way he saw it. Still, it did put a very big and genuine-looking smile on Lorelai’s face. Jess did wonder if maybe he had it wrong, if the grin was only for the coffee and cookies that Luke suddenly appeared with. He got his answer when Lorelai continued to smile as she offered him first pick from the plate, meeting his eyes rather than staring at the chocolate chip treats on hand.

“Thanks,” Jess told her, for far more than the cookie.

“You’re welcome... nephew-in-law.”

Jess smirked and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. At least some things never changed.

It was getting close to lunch-time. Rory considered going up to ask Noah if he was hungry, but she knew if she led with that question, he would just say no. Truthfully, for once in her life, she was having trouble finding her appetite too. Ever since Logan’s visit, she had been trying to figure out where they went from here. How she was supposed to make it all okay with Noah. How she was supposed to live in a world where Logan ran around like nothing was wrong and she wasn’t legally allowed to punch him until he couldn’t stand up anymore.

Rory really wasn’t the violent type, but as upset as Noah had been last night, Logan ought to be thanking his lucky stars that he left when he did. If she had the chance, she was pretty sure she would have slapped his face, at the very least, for the way he treated their son. She was still resisting the urge to find out where he was was, drive over there, and tear him a new one, verbally if not literally. It was so very tempting, and she knew she wasn’t alone in feeling that way either. Her mom and Luke both said she was justified. If only they still lived in the torches and pitchforks part of history...

A knock at the front door startled her from her increasingly-violent fantasy and Rory shook her head. She had to be a better person than that, a bigger person, a more well-adjusted adult and parent. Unless it was Logan who was at the door. Rory was absolutely positive that if it was him coming around again, with anything less than a grovelling apology, she was going to drop him, right there on the porch. It was such a beautiful relief to open the door and see who was actually calling.

“Jess!”

She hardly realised how loud she must have said his name, until he seemed to jump a little at the sound. Not that it mattered. Rory threw herself forward then, right into his arms, hugging him like her life depended on it. Perhaps it wasn’t quite that serious, but she did feel a little better when he hugged her back.

“Hey,” he said, his hand moving up and down her back. “And here was me wondering if I’d be welcome today.”

“You’re welcome any day. Every day,” she clarified, pulling back to look at him, her face dangerously close to his own and their arms still around each other.

The moment broke very fast when he spoke.

“So, what happened with the blond dick?”

Rory sighed a painfully heavy sigh. “Come in and I’ll tell you.”

They headed straight for the kitchen, Rory putting on the coffee machine and the tea kettle without even asking if Jess was thirsty. Mostly, she needed something to distract her and also to make a little noise, just to be on the safe side. As much as she was sure Noah wouldn’t mind her telling Jess what happened yesterday, it was probably better he didn’t hear every word spoken.

“So, when Noah could finally get himself together and tell me what happened, he said that Logan had apologised for not being around enough, which seemed like a reasonable start, but trust me, it went downhill fast from there. Apparently, Noah has siblings.”

“Siblings?” Jess echoed, his eyes a little wider than usual when Rory turned to look at him.

“Three of them. Two have the same mother. That would be the first wife.”

“So, there was a second.”

“Yes, but she actually didn’t get the gift of a Huntzberger offspring. The last one comes from wife number three,” she explained, showing three fingers, just to hammer the point home. “Not that she and Logan are together anymore, because it didn’t work out.”

“Wow. That guy has been busy.”

“Oh, but we didn’t get to the best part yet,” Rory said, aware that her sarcasm was in full flow as she put a mug of tea down in front of Jess and picked up her own over-sized coffee cup in both hands. “Apparently, the reason Logan has so many failed marriages, the reason he doesn’t come see his son, guess whose fault all of that is.”

“No way!” Jess gasped. “He blamed you? He seriously blamed you?!”

“Trust me, I have had the full range of emotions about that one in the last twenty-four hours,” Rory assured him, “but honestly, in the end, I don’t care. I mean, I do care but, but if it stops Noah feeling like it’s his fault...”

Jess looked ready to argue, ready for a fight, though Rory had no fear that it was her he was looking to get into it with, neither physically nor verbally. Much like her, and Lorelai and Luke besides, he would just love the chance to go a few rounds with Logan. Rory wasn’t sure she could love Jess any more than she already did, but his wanting to beat her ex into the ground for the sake of both her and her son might just do it. Not that she could possibly condone that kind of behaviour. Not out loud anyway.

“Rory...” he began to say, just as the kitchen door opened.

Both she and Jess turned as one to look.

“Hey,” she greeted her son. “Look who’s back,” she said of Jess then.

“Hey, Jess.” Noah smiled as best he could, but it didn’t really come off. His gaze then shifted back to his mom. “Uh, I was thinking, since you’re most likely gonna start bugging me to eat again soon, do we have any of that pasta with the crazy sauce?”

“Oh, no, but I can get some,” said Rory fast, leaping up from the stool and making a grab at her purse. “You two are cool, right?”

“We’re cool,” Noah promised, not even trying to complain when she kissed his cheek and rushed out to the store.

“So, probably a dumb question, but how are you holding up?” Jess asked Noah, the moment he heard the front door close behind Rory.

The kid shifted awkwardly in place for a second or two, then sat down heavily on the next stool over at the kitchen counter.

“I honestly don’t even know.”

He looked tired. Also, not unlike Rory when she was puzzling over one of her pro-con lists. It was strangely comforting for Jess to notice, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. For the longest time, when they were young, he had struggled with trying to help Rory through any problems she was facing. Distracting her, that he had been good at, but very little else. It had taken years to know how to talk to people about anything that mattered. Thank God he had learned a few things in the past three decades.

“If you need to talk at all, I’ll be around for a few days,” he said eventually. “I mean, you don’t have to, but if you want to.”

Noah nodded, but didn’t actually say anything. His eyes moved along the counter, as if maybe the answer to life, the universe, and everything might lie in the formation of the mugs, the stains on the worn countertop, the pattern in the surface.

“I don’t blame Mom,” he said eventually, eyes shifting very suddenly to look at Jess. “I’m guessing she told you that’s what he said. That it was her fault he hadn’t been around. Her and all the other little Huntzbergers, anyway.”

“She told me.” Jess nodded.

“Well, I don’t blame her.”

“That’s good,” Jess assured him. “Your mom has always put you first, which is exactly how it should be. You’re lucky that way. At least one of your parents did that.”

Noah nodded one more time, seeming as if he might just fall into painful silence all over again, only he didn’t quite. When he spoke again, he took Jess so much by surprise, he always did a spit-take with his tea.

“So, did you come to see my mom or me?”

Jess sighed, replacing his mug on the counter. “Honest answer? Both.”

Noah stared hard at him for a second or two. “I believe you,” he said eventually, then proceeded to get up off his stool and head for the door.

He turned back at the last moment and looked at Jess again. “You know, if you ask her out, I won’t make a big deal.”

Jess bit back a smirk. The kid really was as smart as everybody said and then some.

“I’m honestly not sure if I should now. You know, in the circumstances.”

Noah shook his head this time. “There’s a slim chance my father could be in my life from here on out, but trust me, he’s not going to be in hers. She doesn’t want him, even if he wanted her. One thing I do know is that Mom deserves to be happy. If you want to help her out with that...”

“I would love to do that,” Jess confirmed without pause. “I’m just not sure if she’s going to want to let me try.”

The front door clanged shut, signalling Rory’s speedy return, and Noah smiled.

“Why don’t you ask her and find out?”

Chapter Text

‘Why don’t you ask her and find out?’

Noah’s words kept on echoing in Jess’ head. The kid had really, actually, genuinely told him that he should ask Rory out. It was nothing he ever could have expected, but he didn’t hate it. Not that it helped as much as it should.

At forty-seven years old, Jess had grown up a lot, but in some ways, he was as much of a coward as he had been at seventeen. The idea of facing up to his longtime feelings for Rory, of confessing them to her now, it scared the living daylights out of him.

Jess would love to make excuses. Would love to say he couldn’t go through with the plan because of Noah, because of Logan, because of circumstances being what they were. Unfortunately, none of that was relevant. Noah had given his approval. Everybody, including Rory herself, had made it clear that she would never, ever get back with Logan, not even if her life depended on it. So, what else was there? What possible circumstances were standing in Jess’ way? He even had Lorelai’s approval. Literally the only thing holding him back was himself.

“Look at you. Still terrified that she’s going to laugh in your face,” he told his reflection in the mirror, shaking his head, trying not to notice the silver strands in his hair or the bags under his eyes.

He was growing old relatively gracefully, or so he thought. April even told him he was pretty well-preserved, and though the wording was suspect, he did believe she was being at least a little bit complimentary and as honest as she ever was.

To his eyes, Rory had barely changed at all, even though she would also be forty-seven in just a couple of days’ time. In his bag was her birthday gift, the first one he had reason to buy for her in a good long while. After all, this was the first of her birthdays he had been around for in more than a decade.

“Maybe wait until then?” he asked himself, immediately shaking his head again and turning away from the glass. “Idiot.”

He knew it was true. Putting off the inevitable never did anybody any good. Sure, ignorance was bliss, and sometimes, it was nice to live in hope for a little while, but reality was always right there waiting. Better to face it than hide like a coward.

Jess hated cowards. The type that Huntzberger was. The type that Jimmy used to be. Jess wasn’t that guy, or if he had been, he certainly wouldn’t be now. No more running, no more hiding. It was time to lay his cards out on the table and just let whatever happened, happen.

“Now or never,” he muttered, strapping on his watch, pulling on his jacket, sparing himself once last glance before he left the diner apartment and headed for Rory’s place one more time.

It was Monday afternoon, not long after lunch, which meant Rory should be home alone for a while. It was also a mere twenty-four hours since he was last over at her house. Not that he hadn’t seen Rory and Noah in the meantime. They came over to the diner to eat last night and, through pure boredom, or a very deep-seated old habit that just wouldn’t die hard, Jess had been bussing tables when they walked in. He didn’t exactly have much time to talk.

Honestly, he didn’t try that hard, deciding it was better to leave them be. All he really gleaned was that Noah’s grounding after the New York debacle was potentially being reduced on account of good behaviour on Noah’s part and dick behaviour on Huntzberger’s side of things. That and a reminder he didn’t need that Rory’s birthday was coming up.

October 8th. That was just two days away, and yes, he had factored that in when he decided to come visiting. Not that Jess had intended to sweep her off her feet for the big day or anything. He just brought her a gift and hoped she liked it. Right in that moment, he only hoped she would accept it, especially if today’s experiment, for lack of a better term, didn’t come off.

Finally outside of the house, Jess tried and mostly failed to take a very deep breath, wondering not for the first time in his life why he always reverted to smoking when he got nervous. Not today, because the last thing this interaction needed was bad breath or accusations of falling down on bad habits he was supposed to have kicked long ago, but recently, unfortunately, and a lot in the past. He really was getting too old for being so dumb.

“Okay, just do it.”

Jess rolled his eyes at the phrasing, aware that he sounded way too much like a sneaker commercial, as he stepped up onto the porch and rapped on the door, quickly, before he had a chance to change his mind again.

“Hey.” Rory’s smile was big and bright as she opened the door, whipping off her glasses in a second. “I was just working, but it’s fine. I mean, it’s all flexible and everything, I don’t have to be working now.”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt or anything,” Jess told her, realising too late that he was probably gabbling as fast as she was. “I just needed to talk to you.”

“Then come in,” she insisted, moving aside and ushering him into the house.

She seemed weirdly nervous, almost as if she knew why he was there. Of course, there was a chance that Noah had said something. He had no qualms about encouraging Jess to ask Rory out, why not also tell his mom that the offer might be forthcoming?

Jess wasn’t sure if he felt better or worse for knowing Rory might have pre-prepared an answer. Either way, she hadn’t slammed the door in his face or anything, so he chose to take that as a good start, maybe even a good omen.

Sitting down on the couch when she offered him the chance, Jess watched Rory tidy her work papers and laptop away, waiting for her to be comfortable in her chair before he started.

“So, you wanted to talk,” she reminded him, her head tilting a little to one side as she stared at him. “Should I be worried?”

“No, obviously not. Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know.” Rory shrugged, almost seeming to laugh at herself in the next second. “Honestly, the way things have been going lately, it seems to save time to start worrying before the next crisis happens. Not that you coming here would automatically bring on a crisis. If anything, you’ve been a really calming influence in the chaos.”

“Wow. That’s not something I’m used to hearing,” he told her honestly. “Not in Stars Hollow anyway.”

“Well, there used to be reasons why people thought you were the opposite of a calming influence,” she pointed out, with a smirk to rival any he had ever worn himself. “But that was a long time ago.”

“It was,” he agreed, almost glad for the easy in to the time they shared together way back when, “and I know I wasn’t always the greatest person to be around back then, but I also like to think that we had some good times. That something good came out of us being together, back then.”

“Of course it did. I know it did,” Rory insisted, nodding her head. “Jess, please don’t ever think that I regret anything about the past we’ve shared. I don’t. I know things got bad for a while, but there were reasons. We both handled things badly, because we were so young and, well, we just didn’t know how to be better. We’ve really moved on since then. I mean, shouldn’t we have? It’s been thirty years!”

Those words gave Jess pause for thought. The past was long gone, long over. They should’ve moved on. He should’ve moved on, but he hadn’t. In a lot of ways, he had, when it came to how he felt about his childhood, his parents, a whole bunch of things, but not Rory.

When he got around to thinking about her, sure, things were different, but his feelings never changed. He loved her. He always loved her. That was probably too much to come out and tell her, but Jess wasn’t really sure there was another way to do this. Noah talked about just asking Rory out, like it was that simple. He had no idea that nothing ever had been with the two of them. Not once.

“Jess?”

The look on her face was pure worry. He had seen it before, other times, way back in the dim and distant past when he looked too serious, stayed silent too long. She hated that she couldn’t reach him, couldn’t help him. She told him as much, and after that, he had tried to be more open, tell her things, share what was on his mind.

It never came easy, not for years, and by the time he was in a place where he was ready, really ready to be what she wanted and needed, it had all seemed too late. Time and again, he thought he saw a chance, and the window snapped shut before he dared to take the leap. Not this time.

“Rory... This is going to sound crazy, believe me, I know, but there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while. That I need to tell you now because... because life has a habit of throwing curves balls, and I’m starting to feel like if I don’t say it now, I might just regret it, again.”

“Okay.” Rory nodded. “Then whatever it is, just tell me. Jess, you know there’s nothing you can’t say to me. After all this time-”

“I love you,” he told her fast, just ripping off the band aid before he lost his nerve all over again. “And I know that’s probably a given, after all the time we’ve been in each other’s lives, and all the ways we’re connected and everything, but that’s not what I mean. I’m saying that I love you, the same way I always loved you, pretty much from the first second I saw you. I know it’s been a million years since I said it the first time, and you probably think this is the weirdest thing, maybe even the saddest, stupidest thing, I don’t know, but it’s the truth. I have been in love with you this whole time and I’m pretty sure I’m not going to stop, so... there it is.”

He wasn’t sure what reaction he was expecting. Tears, laughter, shock, incredulity, even anger, anything at all would have been acceptable, Jess supposed. After all this time, all the opportunities both taken and missed (mostly missed), all the things they had gone through, the ups and downs, together and apart, but it was still true, just like he said.

Jess loved Rory, loved her so much he sometimes wondered if it would be the death of him. Finally, he told her, just as he had so long ago, when they were only nineteen years old. At least this time he was staying to see and hear her response, whatever it might be.

Chapter Text

“Hey, sweets. You okay?” Lorelai asked, frowning some as she stared at Rory.

“I... I don’t know,” she admitted, stepping in over the threshold of her old home and heading straight to the kitchen.

On automatic, she started to put on the coffee machine, almost not realising she was even doing it until Lorelai asked again if she was okay.

“What? Uh, I just talked with Jess, or mostly he talked to me. Apparently, he loves me. As in he’s in love with me. He’s always been in love with me, forever. Well, since we met, obviously, but always, Mom. Always.”

The smile on her mother’s face took her by surprise. Not the same kind of shock that had come with Jess’ confession, but not a million miles away from it. People had been telling her for a while that they thought Jess still had feelings for her. Noah, Lane, even Lorelai, she thought, maybe, but love. Deep, real, all-encompassing, three-decades long love? She hadn’t quite been expecting that, especially not today.

“Honey, don’t take this the wrong way,” said her mom, sitting down at the kitchen table and folding her hands on top of it, just so, “but you’re not stupid, so I’m really not buying that you never realised Jess had feelings for you.”

“Of course, I knew he had feelings, you know, way back in the beginning, when we first met!” Rory told her, realising too late quite how loud she was becoming and immediately toning it down. “I mean, he liked me, I liked him. That’s why we dated. He even told me once, back then, that he loved me, after we broke up, actually, and then, he just drove off into the night, and I had no idea what to do with that.”

“Well, he didn’t drive off after he said it today, did he?”

“No.” Rory shook her head, staring so hard into the kitchen tile that her eyes started to water with the effort. “I almost wish he had. It might have been easier. Instead, he just sat there, staring at me, and I stared back at him. We must have looked really stupid. Not that anybody was there to see us, thank God, but still. Really stupid.”

It was only when Lorelai got up and came over, prising the jug for the coffee machine from her hands, that Rory even realised she was still holding onto it. She turned to watch her mom finish putting on the coffee, then allowed herself to be guided into a chair and sat down like the child she felt she was regressing into.

“Okay now, from the top,” said her mom, sitting across from her. “Jess came over today, and apparently, without preamble, just blurted out, ‘By the way, I still love you’?”

“Yes. No. Well, kind of. I don’t know, he said other things too, obviously,” Rory admitted, one hand going to her forehead as she tried to recall, tried to process too. “He said he had something he wanted to tell me, needed to. That he meant to for a while and that maybe now was a bad time, but he just had to. I never thought... I mean, sure, Lane had said something about him maybe having feelings for me, and even Noah... but not this whole time. Now, like a renewed, reignited thing, that I could understand. It’s not like seeing Jess again didn’t spark something in me too. It did. Of course, it did. I mean, I know you haven’t always been his biggest fan, but you see how he looks, right?”

“I do.” Lorelai nodded, with a smile Rory almost wished she wouldn’t wear. “Much as the ‘tude never thrilled the mom in me, I always understood the attraction, babe, and not just the physical one either. If there had been a Jess when I was seventeen, I would’ve been interested.”

That remark made Rory squirm, even though it was strangely unsurprising to hear. The Gilmore girls had a type, a similar kind of type, actually, even though they tried not to talk about it much. For all the differences between Luke and Jess, and there were plenty, Rory wasn’t blind to the fact that the things they had in common were probably some of the same things that attracted her mom and herself to them. Not to mention there were all those glaring similarities between Logan and Christopher...

“One problem at a time,” Rory muttered to herself, running a hand over her face and back through her hair. “Since he’s been back,” she said of Jess then, “I can’t deny, I’ve felt things. I kind of started to wonder if that was what Jess wanted to say. That he felt it too.”

“Clearly, he does.” Lorelai smiled.

Rory couldn’t return the look. “Clearly, he always has. He’s loved me all this time, Mom. All this time. Thirty years he’s just been... I can’t believe it. Can you believe it?”

One look at her mom and the answer was clear, even before Lorelai said it out loud.

“I can believe it,” she told her, nodding her head. “Come on, Rory, you’re an amazing person. The most amazing in the whole world, if you want my opinion. Okay, so I have some bias, but it still comes as no surprise to me that somebody has loved you for as long as they’ve known you. It really doesn’t surprise me that that somebody is Jess.

“Now I have ragged on the guy for plenty of things, and I had a right to, but I don’t think I could ever really say that I didn’t believe he had feelings for you, even at the start. Did he treat you badly? Yes, he did. Was he a seriously messed up teenager? Oh, boy, yes. But he grew up pretty good. He got his head on straight and made a really good life for himself.

“More than once, when Luke has talked to me about how well he’s doing, and I say that a lot of it is down to his influence, he won’t take the compliment. Not just because he’s Luke and barely knows how, which you know is a part of it, but because he tells me that you made the real difference. I’m pretty sure that’s not all conjecture either. I’m almost certain Jess must have said it himself. You changed his life, sweets. I really think you had a huge impact, and that kind of thing sticks with a person.”

It was a lot to take in. The second wave of Jess-related revelations to come crashing over her like a tsunami, and Rory was having real problems keeping her head above water. It was true. Jess really did love her the way he said he did. Not that she wanted to doubt him, but to hear her mother - one of Jess’ harshest critics, especially in the beginning - give her own confirmation, it just made it all the more real.

“He told me once,” she said then, shaking her head right after when she realised her mom thought she was on repeat. “I don’t mean the love thing, I mean when he said that I helped him. When he brought me a copy of his book, The Subsect. He said... he said he couldn’t have done it without me. It was sweet, but I don’t think I entirely believed it.”

“Yet you remember him saying it, after all this time.”

“It was a compliment from Jess.” Rory smiled in the saying of it. “He was a little sparing with those, so I made a habit of remembering them all. When they did come along, they were always worth the wait.”

“Quality over quantity,” Lorelai mused. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

Rory let those words wash over her slowly. Quality over quantity. In a lot of ways it described her relationship with Jess just perfectly. They hadn’t been together very long romantically, and even their close friendship was broken into pieces, with long stretches of absence in-between. Still, she wouldn’t trade all the good parts, all the special moments, all the beautiful memories, not for anything in the world. The way Jess could make her feel was something special, and that didn’t just pertain to when they were young and supposedly in love, or when he was kissing her breathless, though both of those were pretty good feelings, in and of themselves.

He understood her. When she was with him, talking to him, she never doubted that he knew where she was coming from, or that he would at least always try to help her find a way through the muddle and chaos. He was forever supportive, right from the start. Though he was surprised to know she had dreams of being an overseas correspondent, he swore he believed she could do it. When she started to go off the rails, dropping out of Yale and fighting with her mom, it was mostly down to Jess that she got back on track. When she floundered over where her life was going, what to do for the best for her career and her future, it was Jess that told her she should write a book. In that last one, he was at least partly responsible for her having enough money to raise her son. Rory wasn’t sure she ever told him that.

“I should’ve known,” she said aloud, looking to her mom then and realising that remark required further explanation. “I guess I did know that he loved me. I love him, just like I love Lane or April or Paris. Well, not exactly like that, but you know the way you just love people who have been good forces in your life for as long as you can remember?”

Lorelai nodded, because, of course, she knew exactly.

“I just never thought... For years now, it never really, seriously occurred to me that Jess would love me that way. That he might want that kind of relationship again.” One more glance at Lorelai at her eyes going wide. “You knew!”

“I didn’t!” Her mother denied it fast. “I mean, not for sure. At least, not until really, really recently.”

A scoff of laughter escaped Rory’s throat. “What does that mean?”

“It means I didn’t know for sure, until the last time Jess was here,” Lorelai told her, a little defensive, not that Rory was sure she could blame her for that. “I just always suspected is all, and then, on that last visit, Luke got talking to Jess about you and he told him that he still had the same feelings for you that he always had.”

“Oh my God,” Rory muttered, her face in her hands. “Everybody knew. Everybody but me.”

“Not everybody,” Lorelai insisted, even as she got up to make the coffee now the machine was ready. “I mean, it seems like maybe Lane suspected, but she’s smart like that, good at reading people. Sookie made comments a couple of times, but that was a long time ago, I guess around the time when Jess was here before, you know, when Noah was still a munchkin.”

“Noah. He knew too,” she said, looking up helplessly at her mom. “Jess actually told me that my son encouraged him to tell me how he feels. My son knows more about my love life than I do!”

When Lorelai bit her lip, it was clear she was trying not to laugh. Rory wanted to be mad about that, she even was, a little bit, but she could also understand where the humour was coming from. This whole situation was just this side of crazy. Her ex had a thirty-year-old crush on her. More than that, he had been in love with her this whole time, and everybody knew, or at the very least suspected, while she wandered around in ignorance. Well, maybe not complete ignorance, but without the hope she might otherwise have let herself hold onto.

“So,” said Lorelai then, placing a steaming cup down in front of Rory and retaking her seat, her own cup held in both her hands. “I guess the most important thing now is, after Jess said he loved you, what did you say?”

Rory swallowed hard, actually struggling to recall exactly what she had said. She hadn’t said it back, that much she did know. At least, not in the way Jess might have hoped she would. Mostly, she just remembered telling him she needed time and then rushing him out of house. That probably wasn’t fair, but then, she considered, had it really been fair for him to spring three decades of deep feelings on her, all at once and without any real warning?

“I said I cared about him, that I always cared about him, but that he had caught me completely off-guard. I told him I need time to process, but that I didn’t want him to feel bad because, because I was glad he told me. I think that’s true, although I probably would’ve said it either way. He looked so... vulnerable,” she realised with another hit of surprise. “I know that’s such a weird way to describe Jess, but he did. He looked like his entire life was hanging on my response and it was actually a little scary.”

“The big moments usually come with equal parts awesome and scary,” Lorelai considered. “When I asked Luke to marry me that first time. When we actually got married. Not to mention when you came into my life, kid,” she said, reaching across to put her hand on Rory’s own and give it a squeeze. “You do see the awesome hiding in the scary, right? There’s somebody in the world that loves you, Rory. A nice guy who you really care about, and he loves you more than anybody else. Now, that doesn’t mean you have to feel the same way, and if you don’t, that’s okay too, but doesn’t it at least give you a great feeling? Doesn’t it feel so good knowing somebody loves you that much?”

Rory couldn’t deny it was true. Knowing somebody had that much love for her didn’t suck, in the least. In fact, she liked it. She especially liked it because it was Jess who was telling her about his feelings. Given a little time to think, and someone to talk it through with, she finally felt able to bask, just a little bit, in that love that Jess professed for her. It was nice. It was actually really special and wonderful. She would like to think she told Jess that when he was sat in front of her. She had a horrible feeling she had shown him a lot more shock and panic than she had gratitude or hope.

“Rory?”

At the sound of her name, she looked over. It was only then, from the concern in her mom’s voice, as well as the fact that she appeared blurry, that Rory knew she was crying. If she could have stopped she would have. If she could have explained what the tears were for, she would have done that too, but she really wasn’t at all certain.

She wasn’t sad, but she couldn’t really say she was crying for pure joy either. Mostly she felt frustrated, confused, and shocked, but even she could admit, when she finally found her voice again, that there was a warm glow in her chest that she really did like. Jess had put it there and at some point she needed for him to know that, probably sooner rather than later.

Chapter Text

“Seriously, Mom, are you feeling okay?”

Rory looked up fast at the sound of her son’s question, feeling worse than ever when she saw the genuine worry in his eyes. Now she was scaring Noah. After confusing herself and crying all over her mom, it really was a banner day for Rory Gilmore. Shaking her head, she laid down the fork she had barely been using on the side of her still practically-full plate. No wonder he was worried about her. When a Gilmore didn’t eat, there was always something up.

“I’m sorry,” she told him, reaching around the table to put her hand on his arm and squeeze comfortingly. “I have a lot on my mind right now, but I promise, I’m okay, or I will be, really soon, I swear.”

Noah looked less than reassured. “Is it about... him?”

“Him?” Rory echoed, unsure why it came out as quite such a squeak as it did.

“My dad,” he muttered awkwardly, “because if it is-”

“No, it’s not about Logan,” Rory promised him genuinely. “I swear, as much as I probably should be thinking about him, I haven’t. Not today anyway. At least, not since... Uh, well, Jess came over today.”

“Oh.”

The smirk that produced on Noah’s face was almost scarily similar to one that she had seen too many times on her ex’s face. There was absolutely no way for any of the Mariano blood to have got into her son, and yet.

“Oh?” Rory echoed, trying to meet Noah’s gaze, but he evaded valiantly. “Am I supposed to deduce something from that ‘Oh’?”

“Not really.” Noah shook his head. “I just had an idea he might come see you soon, maybe ask you something specific?”

“Ask me something?” Rory shook her head too. “Jess didn’t ask me anything. Was he supposed to?”

“Not exactly.” By that time, Noah was actively squirming, which didn’t seem good. “Noah Richard Lucas Gilmore-”

“Okay, okay. He wanted to ask you out!” he said too loudly, moderating his tone the moment he must have noticed her flinch. “I mean, he seemed like he did, so I said maybe he should. You know all I want is for you to be happy, right? And since you guys have known each other forever, and you obviously used to date, and he obviously still likes you... Look, if I made things weird, I’m sorry. Like I said, I just want you to be happy.”

Rory had a feeling she was going to start crying all over again any second, but at least they would be very happy tears if she did so. Noah was, without question, the best kid in the world. Not that she didn’t know that already. Not that she wasn’t aware of her huge bias on the subject. Still, he really was pretty damn special.

With everything that was going on with Logan, his trying to track him down, then the prize ass himself making such a mess of their reunion, and still Noah was thinking of Rory’s happiness ahead of his own. It was incredible, and wonderful, and if it were possible for her to love him more, she absolutely would, but Rory was sure she didn’t have any more to give to him - he already had just about every drop she had.

“Hey,” she said softly, encouraging him to look at her again. “I have you. That automatically means I’m happy.”

He smiled at that, just briefly. “I’m not a kid anymore, Mom. I do know people can be happy with their life, their family, their job, whatever, and still not be a hundred percent happy. I know about people needing people. Men and women needing each other. God, please don’t make me say anymore!” he urged her.

At that point, Rory wanted to laugh rather than cry. It was kind of funny and kind of awkward, but of course, she did know exactly what Noah was getting at. Thankfully, she didn’t think he was directly talking about sex, because that had been a horribly awkward conversation when the original facts of life talk came up a while back.

He was smart enough to realise that there was more to a romantic relationship than just the physical, especially for those not running purely on teenage hormones. Apparently, he could also see something between her and Jess that even she hadn’t been wholly aware of. Rory wasn’t sure if that made her son even smarter than she ever realised, or just proved that she wasn’t half so intelligent as she once thought.

“Noah, honey, I, I am grateful that my happiness is a priority for you. You know that it’s the same for me, right? That all I ever want is for you to be safe and happy and-”

“I know,” he confirmed, nodding once. “But you know I can be happy with you dating, right? I mean, I don’t want to hear about it or anything, because seriously, who wants to hear that from their mom?”

“Not me,” Rory confirmed without pause.

“Exactly, but you deserve somebody who really wants to be with you. You know, like Grandpa Luke and Grandma Lorelai, or Aunt Lane and Uncle Zach. I want you to have somebody, and Jess seems like a good guy.”

“He is a good guy.” Rory sighed, even as she confessed it. “Trust me, the first time we dated, when we were... well, just a little older than you are now, he had his problems. I think he told you about some of them?”

“Absent father, unstable mother.” Noah nodded his agreement. “A lot of issues.”

“Yes, he did have,” Rory agreed.

“But he’s over it now,” her son told her happily. “I mean, he seems like he is, and he’s been really cool with all this crazy stuff we’ve had going on with my dad and everything. I know he likes you, I think probably as much as he did when you guys were young, which is a little crazy on the surface, but I can’t exactly think it’s weird that a person could love you for their whole life or whatever. You’re pretty amazing, as moms go.”

Rory laughed at that, she really couldn’t help it. It was such a fourteen-year-old boy thing to say. The last part was, of course, very sweet in its way, and strangely, the rest of what he said really simplified a lot of the things that had been playing on Rory’s mind ever since Jess first confessed to her, a few hours ago, that he had been in love with her for thirty years straight.

She could only think how crazy that was, how insane. How anybody’s feelings could be that constant, even when they weren’t seeing the other person, were barely even talking or keeping up with their life. The way Noah put it, it sounded more like a fairytale. Like the prince being so dedicated to his sleeping beauty, that he would wait a hundred years for her to wake from slumber and return to him. He could never love another as much. It was so strange to be getting romantic notions from her son, but Rory couldn’t deny she appreciated the perspective.

“So, you said Jess didn’t ask you out?” Noah looked confused. “Because he must’ve said something.”

“He did,” Rory confirmed. “He, uh... Well, I guess what he did was give me the option of us going out again, but without really asking me. I know that doesn’t make much sense to you, and I swear I don’t mean this to sound patronising, because you’re right, you’re not a kid anymore, but it would be really hard to explain to you right now.”

He looked a little bemused, but not like he was going to argue or push, which Rory took to be a good thing.

“Okay,” he said, eventually. “So, he’s giving you the option, and you just don’t know which option you wanna choose?”

“Something like that.” Rory nodded. “Although I have to admit, it’s a tempting offer. I don’t hate the idea of a date with a guy I already know is kind and trustworthy, not to mention fun and interesting. I haven’t had much of that in my life lately, at least, not in a dating way.”

“You haven’t had much dating in your life at all, and don’t get me wrong, I can live without having a mom like... well, you know, Jess’ mom,” he said pointedly - Rory knew he knew as much about that from overhearing Luke talk as anything Jess told him, “but like I said, I also want you to be happy, always.”

He was the best kid. As if Rory didn’t already automatically think so, but aside from one brief moment of what she chose to think of as temporary insanity, when he ran off to New York without a word, Noah really was proving himself over and over, especially of late. At least she understood his motivation for the unannounced trip. She only hoped that opening up this whole can of worms with Logan wouldn’t complicate their lives as much as it seemed it might. She dreaded making it worse by adding Jess too far into the mix.

“I just think maybe the timing is bad,” she admitted, staring down into her barely-touched food. “I mean, you just reconnected with your dad, and that’s a really complicated situation-”

“Which has absolutely nothing at all to do with you dating Jess,” Noah told her before she could begin to ramble, as they both knew she was prone to do, even now. “Mom, if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that my parents are not getting back together,” he said firmly, his hand on top of hers to get her full attention. “I’m not looking for that. I was never looking for that. Well, maybe when I was super young, but not for a really long time now. I just... I wanted to meet him. I’m pretty sure even after everything he said to me, about you and his other kids and all, I’m still going to talk to him again.

“There are answers that I need and... But anyway, like I said, this is not about me wanting the perfect nuclear family. I have you, and Grandma and Grandpa, plus Aunt April, and this whole ‘found family’ vibe with just about half the freaking town,” he told her, grinning too much and making her smile also, in spite of the tears still burning in her eyes. “I promise, I’m cool with it.”

Rory sighed. “Okay, and thank you for that,” she insisted, turning her hand over to grip onto Noah’s own, “but I want you to promise me something. If you’re ever, you know, not cool with it, if anything at all starts to make you feel uncomfortable, in any way, and that includes anything to do with Logan or his family, or Jess, or me, just anything, I want you to tell me. Promise me, you will talk to me about what’s going on with you. Please, Noah.”

“I promise,” he told her fast, meeting eyes before repeating the vow. “Mom, I do, I promise.”

She believed him. As a rule, her kid didn’t lie, and when he looked at her like that, thankfully, she didn’t see the shifty look that Logan too often wore when he was spinning her a line or a half-truth. She saw a steady, honest gaze, the kind she knew she could believe in, since it looked a lot like a similar expression her mom so often wore.

“Okay then,” she said at last, nodding her head. “Enough talk for now, let’s finish up with dinner, because I think we’re both going to be needing our strength!”

Jess was deep into a novel, when a knock on the door startled him out of concentration. He couldn’t imagine who would be up there. Anybody who came calling on him had to pass through the diner, and it wasn’t as if a lot of folks in town would even want to come visit. Luke might knock, but he would walk in a second later, not worrying too much about waiting for an invitation, not least because it was his place anyway. That really made it a toss-up between Noah or...

“Rory.”

He smiled when he said her name, pleased as anything to see her, and yet his heart lurched at the possibility of what she had come to tell him. After his confession about what he still felt for her, what he had always felt for her, she had been pretty quick to get him out of the door. She needed time to think, to process, and he could understand that, but now, she had come to see him, and her expression wasn’t exactly sunny. That couldn’t be a good sign.

“Uh, come in,” he said belatedly realising he should’ve done so right away. “Sit down, please.”

“Thanks,” she replied, moving towards the couch, before doubling back and pulling out a chair by the table instead.

She didn’t need to say why she did it, Jess was pretty sure he already knew. The couch may be a different piece of furniture to the one she was recalling, but it was in the same place as the old one. The memories still hung around that part of the apartment, a lot of parts of the apartment, truth be told, as vivid sometimes as if the events only happened yesterday, rather than the better part of thirty years ago.

“I’m sorry to come around so late. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it before the diner closed and I didn’t want to be banging on the door after that. I mean, maybe you wouldn’t mind, but Taylor still has the ears of a bat, even after all these years-”

“Rory,” Jess said gently but firmly, jumping in before she could ramble too far away from the point. “Could you maybe just say whatever you came to say?” he urged her, sitting down in the next chair over and trying for a smile that he was pretty sure didn’t quite come off. “I’m guessing it’s not good news.”

“Why would you say that?” she asked, shaking her head, a frown creasing her brow. “I mean, I didn’t come here with bad news. At least, I don’t think it’s bad. I can’t imagine you would either, unless what you said earlier was just-”

“What I said earlier was the truth,” he confirmed without pause. “Come on, you really think I would tell you something like that, then change my mind a few hours later?”

There was a brief burst of laughter that came out in her sigh. “No,” she admitted, “but you have to know, Jess, you, you just about floored me with what you said. If you had told me you wanted to try again, that you thought it might be fun to go on a date and see what happened, I probably would’ve handled it better. What you said was that you loved me. After thirty years... I’m sorry, but I wasn’t expecting that. Which doesn’t mean to say that I’m not flattered, or that I don’t... You know I love you, the same way I love all the people that I’ve been close to for so long. Right now, I’m not sure that it’s the same love that you’re feeling. I wish I knew, I really do. I just wasn’t expecting to need to know, I guess,” she told him, as honest as she had ever been, he knew. “When you were never around, and I had Noah... I can’t say I forgot about you. How could I? That would never happen...”

“But there was at least a little ‘out of sight, out of mind’ going on.” He tried not to let the words come out bitter, but Jess wasn’t at all sure he managed it.

“A little, I guess,” Rory confirmed, nodding her head, fingers twisting in the straps of her purse, as they had been ever since she first sat down with the bag in her lap. “But like I said, that doesn’t mean I’m feeling negative about any of this, because I’m not. You surprised me, but Jess, I, I really am glad that you told me how you feel. Like I said, I’m flattered, and I’m not unhappy at all, and if you wanted to, well, go out or something?” She shook her head then, worrying him that she had immediately changed her mind, but no. “That sounds so small and stupid after everything you said, and at our age... Is it stupid?”

Jess shook his head, cleared his throat so the words might actually come out right. “Not to me,” he promised, still more softly than he meant to.

He watched Rory take in a deep breath and let it out slow. “Okay then,” she said eventually. “So, we’re going out on a date and seeing what happens?”

“I guess we are.” Jess nodded once. “Uh, you want me to book something...?”

“Sure, yes,” Rory agreed. “Oh, but not in the next couple of days. I’m sorry, but Wednesday is-”

“Your birthday. I know.”

“Right.” They shared a smile, on his side born of pure happiness, on hers perhaps the same, at least, he would like to think so. “Well, there are plans afoot for that, but obviously, you’re not here forever, so...”

“I can be here as long as I want. How about Friday?”

“Friday?” She looked thoughtful for a second. “Sure, Friday is good. You can just text me about a time, or call, or drop by,” she suggested, as she got up as if to go. “Pretty sure I’ll be dropping by here in the meantime anyway because, you know, food.”

He followed her to the door and opened it for her, since she seemed in kind of a hurry to go. Turning back around on the threshold, she ended up very much in his face, not that Jess was complaining one bit.

“Why is this so weird?” she asked him, eyes moving over his face.

He wished he had an answer to that, but he didn’t. His mind was entirely taken up with trying to figure out if he was allowed to kiss her or not, until suddenly she took a small step back.

“Bye, Jess.”

“Bye, Rory.”

In spite of that, she didn’t leave, just continued to look awkward, swaying a little in place. Just when he was about to ask what was wrong, she suddenly lurched forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek, then quickly walking away, before he could hardly blink.

“Friday,” said Jess, still standing there long after she was gone, with the dumbest grin on his face, that just wouldn’t shift.

Chapter Text

She didn’t really know why she was nervous. Rory tried to tell herself it could only be because she hadn’t dated all that much recently, but that wasn’t entirely true. She did go out with guys. Not a lot, but it happened. There really hadn’t been any serious relationships that had stuck, not since before Noah was born, but there were a few guys that she had been out with, for one or two dates. Even dates that involved staying over at his place for the night.

Rory physically shook herself. She really could not go down that road in her head, not where Jess was concerned. For as long as they had known each other, for as close as they had been, once upon a time, they had never taken that step. In some ways, that seemed so crazy. That there were a couple of guys out there in the world who she had sex with that she barely recalled the full names of at this point, one where she never knew it in the first place, but when it came to Jess, it just never happened.

Almost. It had almost happened. Rory had wanted it to, once. Okay, so more than once, and not all of the times when she let herself daydream about it had been when they were actually together. Several were after. A couple were before, actually.

“Not helping,” she told herself, turning towards the mirror in her room and casting a wary eye over her body, clad only in underwear so far.

It wasn’t so bad. For a woman in her forties, who had been through the rigours of pregnancy and childbirth, she figured she was doing pretty well. She never really put on weight, outside of carrying Noah, and that awesome Gilmore metabolism had got her back to her usual size in record time. Of course, there were wrinkles and stretch marks and the beginnings of varicose veins. Nobody got away with none of those things, but in generous lighting, if she stood just so, Rory figured she could still pass for sexy, if she needed to.

Catching herself actually planning for the possibility of Jess seeing her without clothes tonight made her blush all over. If she hadn’t felt the heat of it, she certainly would’ve noticed from the reflection in the glass. Turning away, she consulted her choices of clothes once more. There were three dresses and a couple of shirt-and-skirt combos that were all more than suitable for a date in a smart-casual restaurant in Hartford. Of course, if she insisted on keeping on the black lace underwear set that hadn’t seen the light of day for quite a while, then the sheer white shirt was out and the skirt that went with it too. Also, the dark purple dress, since the back was way too low.

Down to three remaining choices, Rory held each of them up in front of her as she faced the mirror one more time. Nothing looked right. Nothing felt right. She really couldn’t see that changing, unless she cancelled the date, and that was the last thing she wanted. It was all just stupid nerves, a part of feeling almost seventeen again, even as her reflection reminded her she was nowhere near it. Maybe that was the real problem. She hadn’t really known how to date Jess when they were teenagers, but she really didn’t know how to do it now.

“Just be yourself,” she said firmly, switching out one dress for the other.

In the end, she settled on the black. After all, it went with everything, and it was a classic for a reason. Slipping into the dress before she could change her mind any more, Rory fought a little with the zipper - due to its position, not a tight fit, thankfully - and then found shoes and accessories to add, before checking herself in the mirror one more time.

Putting on her best smile, she didn’t think it was too vain of her to believe she looked good. Self-confidence was important and at forty-six, it was more important than ever.

“Forty-seven,” she corrected herself softly, smiling at the thought.

One more year into her forties shouldn’t make her so happy. Most people would be miserable at the thought, but Rory couldn’t regret her birthday, not for a second. It had been a great day. Luke baked her the most amazing coffee-chocolate cake, with more frosting than any cake should ever have, and it was gorgeous. She had gifts too, little things, mostly useful, as gifts tended to be when people got older, but she loved them all. Of course, there had been one that was a little more special than the rest.

“I figured I had some making up to do for the last I don’t know how many years,” Jess had told her, shifting awkwardly in place, almost squirming, in fact.

Rory shook her head at him, confirmation that she wasn’t expecting him to feel guilty for his absence anymore, sure that what felt distinctly like a book inside the gift wrap couldn’t be such a big deal anyway. It was only when she finally saw it, Noah peering in from one side and her mom from the other, that she audibly gasped.

“Don’t we already have this one?” Noah had asked, earning himself a light tap upside his head from Luke. “What?”

“Yes, we have it twice, actually,” said Rory, voice very nearly deserting her as she ran her hand over the familiar cover of Howl, and Other Poems. “There’s one on the shelf, and I have my own copy that...” she trailed off, daring a quick glance at a still nervous-looking Jess.

“Somebody other than me wrote in this one,” he told her, not actually winking at her, but she felt he almost could have done.

With shaking hands, she opened up the cover and gasped all over again at the sight of the signature scrawled across the title page. Allen Ginsberg himself. She could hardly believe it.

“Jess, this is... It must have cost a fortune.”

“Not when you know people who know people,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “The publishing industry is all one big network, really.”

She had hardly known how to thank him for such a gift. In the end, she gave him a hug, feeling stupid when she couldn’t figure out how long was too long when it came to holding on to him. When they parted, she wasn’t sure if she was laughing or crying. All she knew was that Jess was smiling that secret smile of his that she remembered only too well. He was happy that she was happy. A kind of happy he rarely seemed to be with anybody else. That was enough to put a warmth in her heart that hadn’t dissipated for hours and hours.

They had seen each other several times, both before and after her birthday. At the diner, in the street, even once at the Crap Shack when her dropping something off for her mom coincided with him helping Luke with some home improvement task or other. Nothing crazy had happened, nothing exciting, nothing significant, but all the time Rory couldn’t stop thinking about their upcoming date. She had to bite her tongue, every time they parted, so as not to make mention of it again. She could hardly wait, just as much as she was terrified of actually going through with it.

“Mom?”

“Just a minute!” Rory called back to her son, fixing her hair and applying a little more lipstick, before tearing herself away from the mirror at last.

Picking up her purse and jacket, she took a deep breath and opened up the bedroom door. There was Noah, hanging around at the top of the stairs. He smiled when he saw her.

“What do you think? Hottest of all moms ever?”

“I guess?” Noah told her, face screwing up even as he said it. “You know that’s not something I should be thinking about you, right?”

“Sorry.” Rory laughed, realising he was absolutely right. “Maybe if you could just reassure me I don’t look like I should be teaching class at a Catholic school, or conversely, standing under a red light on a street corner, I think that would help.”

“Neither of those things, I promise,” Noah told her, trying for straight-faced but not holding it together too well, in the end.

As if Rory could blame him. She knew very well she was being ridiculous.

“Then I think we’re good,” she said, pulling him closer and planting a kiss on his hair where the lipstick wouldn’t show should it come off on him. “Okay, so, I probably won’t be out too late, but the restaurant is in Hartford, so there’s that. If traffic is bad or we have car trouble, or even if the service at dinner is slow, you just never know, but if anything really serious happens, I promise to call.

“Now, if you have any problems at all, absolutely anything, you call Grandma and Grandpa, okay? They know you’re home alone, so they will both be keeping their cell phones switched on at all times, just in case.”

“Mom, I’m fourteen, not four.” Noah rolled his eyes as they descended the stairs with their arms around each other. “My big Friday night plans - not least because I’m still grounded - include homework, reading, maybe a movie, and sleep, pretty much in that order.”

“That’s my good introverted, grounded boy,” she teased him, at least a little, glad of the distraction of such a normal moment, for as long as it lasted.

Just as they both stepped down into the living room, the doorbell rang. Rory felt a shiver run through her - anticipation, excitement, and nerves combined, she was certain. She looked towards the door, fully intending to go answer it, and yet her feet seemed stuck to the carpet.

“I’ll go,” Noah told her, slipping away from her.

Rory shook herself then, put on her jacket, checked she had everything she needed in her purse. Wallet, cell, make-up bag, book. Not that she really expected to need the book, tonight of all nights, but old habits died very hard. As if going out with Jess Mariano tonight didn’t prove that point in the biggest possible way.

“Hey.”

There he was, suddenly right in front of her, and Rory didn’t just forget how to move but also how to breathe. It wasn’t as if he was any different than he had been earlier that same day at the diner, yesterday at her mom and Luke’s house, the day before that, in the very same room, helping to celebrate her birthday. It was only that now he wasn’t her friend Jess, or Luke’s nephew Jess. He was very much her ex-boyfriend Jess. Her date Jess.

“Hi,” she finally forced out. “Um, right on time,” she noted, glancing at the clock on the mantle. “That’s new.”

She closed her eyes the moment she said it, resisting the overwhelming urge to literally face-palm. Bringing up how tardy he was for dates when they were seventeen years old. That was a great way to start this new phase of their relationship.

“Wow. I mean, I probably deserve that but-”

“No, you don’t, I’m sorry,” Rory told him fast. “I don’t even know why I said it. Forget that I said it, please,” she urged him, throwing herself into motion at least. “So, we’re heading out,” she told Noah as she went. “I’ll see you later and if you need anything-”

“I won’t need anything, but if by some miracle I do, I’ll call Grandma and Grandpa,” Noah promised, moving back towards the stairs again. “Have a good time, okay?” he told his mom, glancing to Jess right after.

“Thanks,” he said, nodding once and finding a smile for Rory’s son, as he put a hand to her elbow and encouraged her towards the front door.

Rory went with him out of momentum as much as anything else, acutely aware she was shaking, long before they reached the porch and he called her on that very thing.

“Did you change your mind? Because we don’t have to do this.”

“No, I, I want to do this. I promise, Jess, I really do,” she insisted, when he looked so terribly unsure. “It’s not... What I mean is... Ugh, this is just so stupid!” she complained loudly, even going so far as to stamp her foot on the porch with a thud. “I’m sorry.”

“You said that already,” Jess reminded her. “I’m just not altogether sure I know what it is you’re apologising for. Do you?”

“Yes. No. I guess it’s just that... This is weird. I mean, you get that it’s weird, right? As much as I’m happy you’re here and that we’re doing this, I don’t think anybody could deny, it’s weird. We dated when we were seventeen, Jess, and now we’re forty-seven. Thirty years of, of being friends, and then, not really being anything, and now... It’s weird.”

“I guess it’s a little... unconventional?” he offered.

The way he said it, as much as the choice of word, made a burst of too-loud laughter escape her lips. Maybe it was more the nerves than it was anything else, but Rory didn’t care. Laughing was better than crying. Joy and even incredulity were better than nerves and panic.

Taking a deep breath then, Rory looped her arm through Jess’ own, actually loving the fact that she surprised him. He looked at her with eyes full of affection, as well as a little confusion, and she gave him a smile, glad to see him return it.

“I looked up the restaurant you booked for us. Apparently, their chicken arrabiata is to die for.”

“I read that too,” he agreed, smile growing wider. “Honestly, even if the food sucks, I don’t think I’m gonna notice. You look amazing, Rory. Not that I expected anything else, but you do.”

“Well, thank you, kind sir,” she said, in much the same way her mother might have, but it was easier than really taking the compliment as if it were serious. “You clean up pretty well yourself, Jess Mariano, but then, you always did, when you really wanted to.”

She smiled back at him, getting that seventeen-year-old-girl feeling all over again and not minding at all. When he led her to the car then, she would have been less surprised to see the old ‘69 Ambassador he had back in the day, rather than his actual vehicle. When they were safely inside and the radio came on, blaring Elastica, just like old times, she laughed all over again and he laughed with her.

Maybe this date was going to go better than she thought, after all.

Chapter Text

He didn’t really know why he was nervous. Jess tried to tell himself it could only be because he hadn’t dated all that much recently, but that wasn’t entirely true. He did go out with women. Not a lot, but it happened. There really hadn’t been any serious relationships that had stuck. He always told himself he just wasn’t that guy, that he wasn’t built for anything permanent. It wasn’t entirely true. He always knew, deep down, that he could make it work on a long-term basis, with the right woman.

Until very recently, he had assumed his chance was long gone. He and Rory had tried once, when they were too young to ever make anything work. Later, they were just never in the same place at the same time, one always slightly out of track with the other, the timing always off. After Noah, that seemed to be the last straw, the final hammer blow that meant Rory and Jess were forever doomed to have missed each other. Perhaps he had been a fool to think so, to essentially give up the way he had. He knew better now.

Not that it stopped him feeling out of his depth when he took Rory out for the first time in three decades. They may both be older, potentially wiser, and a whole lot of other things besides, but she was still Rory and he was still Jess. She was still beautiful and smart and quick-witted and funny. He was still head-over-heels for her, and harbouring the horrible feeling of being so completely unworthy, even though he knew he shouldn’t anymore.

Things had certainly been awkward when he first picked her up, but the tension broke fairly easily, once they both admitted to the basic weirdness of their situation. When she took a hold of his arm and asked about the restaurant, things got a little easier. When they got in his car and the radio blasted Elastica, evoking giddy, girlish laughter from her that he hadn’t heard in far too long, things started to feel less strange, more normal, more manageable. By the time they arrived at the restaurant, having talked a blue streak about the happier parts of old times on the trip from Stars Hollow to Hartford, it really did seem like it was going to be a great night.

That proved to be true. The food at The Gorgon was so much better than the name of establishment might have suggested, the wine went down a little too easily, and conversation flowed better than it ever had before between two old friends that had only ever dreamed of being lovers. Not that Jess wasn’t fighting the urge to let his mind wander in that direction. He really was, but as the night wore on, it didn’t come easy, not at all.

“I swear this used to be a different place. Another kind of restaurant,” said Rory then, turning left then right in her seat, eyes moving over the layout and decor, looking for clues, he supposed. “I just can’t figure out which one.”

“Don’t remember dining out much in Hartford back in the old days.” Jess shook his head, immediately regretting his words when he caught Rory staring at him with sad eyes.

He hadn’t meant it like that. Like some self-degradation of the guy he used to be, that didn’t know how to treat his girlfriend right. He hadn’t taken Rory out to dinner at fancy restaurants back then, less because he was a lame boyfriend, more because he never could have afforded to do it. He meant to tell her so, only she beat him to the punch.

“You know you had your good boyfriend moments,” she said, almost as if she had read his mind. “I remember Distillers tickets you stood in line for hours to get,” she said, with a wide smile. “I remember hanging out with Lane and Dave and the band, even though you would’ve rather been anywhere else. I even remember you giving me your jacket one bitter cold day on the bridge and practically freezing to death just to keep me warm.”

She smiled when she said it, in such a way as to make his heart melt in his chest. It evoked other reactions in other areas too, but Jess was trying desperately not to think about that. It seemed safer not to, somehow, unless of course it was what Rory wanted him to think.

It was the one part of all this he was still so very unsure about. He knew how to talk to her, even about the serious and awkward stuff, at this point. He was comfortable with Rory and she was comfortable with him. They had been friends long enough, there was no other way to be. However, when it came to the more romantic aspects of a date, there had always been strict limits on the first go-around, given Rory’s inexperience back then. Now was very different. Now Jess almost felt like he was the one about to find himself out of his depth.

“Uh, you want more coffee, or is that a stupid question?” he asked, gesturing to her mostly empty cup.

“Actually, I think I’m done,” she said, shaking her head. “Much as I love the stuff, and you know I do, if I have too much, too late, kind of doesn’t end so well these days.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Jess agreed, only glad to be back on the firm ground of normal conversation for a while longer. “I still miss the time when I could stay up all night reading and not even care. Now, if I’m up later than midnight, I don’t function properly for at least three days after.”

“I know, right?” Rory agreed wholeheartedly. “I mean, what is it even like for people who are actually old? We’re only in our forties, but it’s crazy how tired I get sometimes.”

“I guess there’s some comfort in knowing we’re not suffering alone.”

“Yeah, I guess that would be worse.” Rory sighed. “But seriously, what I wouldn’t give sometimes to go back to how I felt when I was thirty, or twenty-one, or...”

“Seventeen?” he guessed, given the look on her face.

Rory visibly deflated before his eyes, though a cautious smile remained on her lips. “Yeah, seventeen wasn’t so bad,” she said, blinking across at him. “Jess, I... I want to thank you for tonight. So far, it’s been pretty great, and yes, I fully admit, I was nervous, at first. I still maintain this whole situation we have going on is pretty darn weird, but it has been so nice just to sit across a table from you, and talk, and laugh, and be... Well, just be us. I missed it. I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” he told her without pause, “and yes, I know, the main reason it’s been so long is because of me, but I am sorry about that.”

“Please, don’t apologise again,” she urged him, her hand coming across the table to cover his own. “I get it, I really do. After what you told me, about your feelings and everything, I guess I can see why it was easier for you to stay away. You know that I get it. That I know how hard it is to care that much for somebody and not know how to deal.”

“I know.” He nodded, eyes fixed on her hand atop his own still. “I still should’ve handled it better. After all this time, you would think I could find a way, but, but it’s you, Rory,” he said, meeting her eyes then. “When it comes to you, it’s always different to with anybody else. I don’t have a better explanation than that.”

He had no idea what she would say in response. He wasn’t even sure what it was he wanted to hear. If she told him she loved him like he loved her, he wasn’t certain he would believe her. It was too soon for that, even after three decades. There had been far too much in-between, and even if miracles did happen, Jess knew it would be a leap too far for even the greatest believer.

“Jess...” she said softly, lips continuing to move but no more words coming out.

Before either of them could figure out what they might have been, the server appeared to ask if they wanted anything else. Jess shook off the moment, asked for check, and retracted his hand out from underneath Rory’s grasp. She said something about going to the bathroom before they left and was gone from the table before he could hardly blink.

Jess let out a heavy sigh. He didn’t dare think what might have happened or even been said if the server hadn’t interrupted. He wanted to believe it was going to be something good, and yet, a large part of him was almost glad that he didn’t get the chance to find out, just in case he was wrong.

The check soon arrived and Jess made his payment, getting up from the table and looking in the direction on the ladies room, wondering why Rory seemed to be taking so long. As he began to walk that way, he saw her appear, smiling as much as ever before. That was a great relief.

“What?” she asked, a frown creasing a forehead just a little. “You seem almost surprised that I came back,” she noted.

“Not really.” Jess shook his head. “I mean, how would you even get out of the window in that dress?”

“Yes, that’s what I thought too,” she deadpanned, before the tell-tale smirk broke through. “As if I would do that to you. However, you do get bonus points for saying ‘in that dress’ and not ‘at your age’.”

“Even I’m not that stupid,” Jess assured her.

She laughed, leaning in close to him, not taking his arm this time, but slipping her hand into his own instead. Jess was more than amenable to that idea, and they walked out to the parking lot together, joined hands swinging between them, like young teens in love. It was very dark, even if it wasn’t so late. Dinner hadn’t exactly passed by lightning fast, but it hadn’t filled the evening. Jess suddenly felt foolish for not making bigger plans, especially when Rory called him on it.

“I thought about a movie, but these days, everything is just so...”

“I know!” Rory gasped in agreement, even without him finishing the sentence. “What happened to all those great movies from when we were young? Not to mention all the classics from long before. It’s like they’re not even trying these days. Everything is a sequel, or a reboot, or a reunion, or something. Are there no original ideas left in the world? Is this what we’ve been reduced to?”

They were at the car by then, Jess leaning back against the passenger side, his hands in his pockets and no doubt a goofy smile on his lips as he just watched the show, listened to the ranting and rambling. It was nice, nostalgic even. Made him happier than almost anything else in the world, dumb as that would probably sound to anyone else. Anybody not in love, anyway.

“Sorry,” said Rory then, seeming self-conscious as her hand went momentarily to her face. “I’m just... Sometimes, I get onto a topic that makes me mad or frustrated and I can’t stop.”

“Rory, if I don’t know that about you by now...” said Jess, with a look. “Besides, I’ve always loved how passionate you are about things. Any things, all things.”

She took in a deep breath, let it out slow, a smile playing at her lips once more as she moved in a little closer.

“I used to be pretty passionate about you.”

She caught him off-guard with that one, even though Jess knew very well that it was true. They did a lot of kissing, a lot of making out, a lot of almost-more, towards the end of their teen romance. She always said she wasn’t ready, but she would be soon. Of course, he screwed up and left town, so the moment never came, but there was no way to forget what they had shared. Everything up to but not quite including the biggest of all big steps.

“Rory...” he said softly, not managing any more before she closed the gap between them and kissed him.

It had been a long time, and not just with her. Jess couldn’t actually remember the last date he had been on, or the last woman he kissed. The last woman he took to bed was even further back in his memory, and every one he had ever known, in any capacity at all, seemed to evaporate from his mind anyway, the moment Rory’s lips met his own.

What started off sweet and tentative sure did escalate quickly, and it wasn’t Jess doing all of the running either. Rory was into it, really, really into it, pressing herself up against Jess and the side of the car, not letting up for anything. Not that he was about to ask her to, of course. At least, not until they started to attract attention.

“Geez, get a room!”

The passerby sounded disgusted, but mostly it was just how loud he was that seemed to startle Rory into pulling away. Jess wasn’t sure he cared to stop just because some random stranger saw them, but he knew better than to think Rory wouldn’t. Honestly, his head was spinning so much from the unexpected make out, he wasn’t sure of anything in that moment, beyond his name and hers.

Blinking hard, he tried to regain some control over parts of himself that seemed to have developed a mind of their own in the last five minutes. Looking at Rory, he noted her hair wasn’t as neat as it had been before, her lipstick was mostly gone, and even in the pale light of the moon, she was noticeably blushing.

“I, uh... I didn’t mean to... Wow. I haven’t done that in a while,” she said at last.

Jess wasn’t sure if she meant getting physical in general or just with him. In the end, he supposed it didn’t really matter. He would almost rather not know.

“From my side, it wasn’t exactly an unwelcome surprise,” he admitted, hoping she took it well.

When she smiled, he had never been more glad to see such an expression on her face.

“For me either,” she admitted, moving to lean beside him on the side of the car. “I mean, after all this time, you’d kind of think it wouldn’t feel the same, and I guess it doesn’t, exactly,” she considered, not even looking at him at first, before seeming to find her bravery all over again. “It’s different because we’re different, but you have to admit, that part still works.”

She used that phrase on purpose, he knew that she did. The smile they shared, it proved that they both knew, perhaps even that they were on the same page about a lot of other things that were about to happen between them.

“So, Stars Hollow?” he checked, tilting his head as he stared at her.

Rory nodded. “The apartment?” she suggested, eyes clear, smile wide, meaning very evident. “That’d be okay, right?”

Jess lost the ability to speak, to think, to breathe. All he could manage was to nod his head, then move to open up the car door and usher Rory inside. If he knew how to drive, it would be a miracle, but damnit, he was going to concentrate and get them both home in one piece if it killed him. He knew, without question, that it would be worth every moment of concentration and every ounce of effort. Rory had always been and would always be worth it.

Chapter Text

It was a long time since Rory had to sneak into her own house in the dark. As a teenager, she really wasn’t the type to stay out late. Well, except for that one time with Dean when she had genuinely fallen asleep, in all innocence, with no funny business whatsoever occurring. Even when she was dating Jess, she never missed curfew, no matter how much he encouraged her, no matter how much she had been tempted, and she really, really had. Her mom actually made fun of her sometimes for being such a good kid.

Of course, Rory made up for that a little when she got into college. Her rebellion had come later, in her late teens, ever more so in her early twenties. She could try to blame Logan, but it wasn’t entirely his influence. Even then, she hadn’t had to sneak into her home. She was in college then, and never felt the need to worry what Paris might think of her coming home late, or even early in the morning.

As an adult, she lived alone a lot, and even after Noah, she could count on one hand the number of nights she had stayed out later than intended. Most times, her son was being cared for by his grandparents, leaving Rory free to stroll into the house past midnight, without a care in the world. Things were a little different tonight.

Since Noah had been old enough to be home alone for longer than five minutes, Rory had never stayed out late. Not because of her son exactly, just because the situation never arose. Tonight was the first time, in more ways than one. Not just the first night she had to creep into the house at three a.m. while her son slept upstairs. Also, the first time she and Jess took the big step that a part of her had been waiting for since she was seventeen years old.

On the way home, she had actually stopped in town square, looking back at the diner to wave at Jess up in the lighted window, and it hit her harder than at any moment before that.

“I just had sex with Jess Mariano.”

She actually said it out loud, and a delicious shiver ran through her at the sound of the words, not to mention all the deliriously wonderful memories of the proceeding few hours. It was good. Really good. In fact, Rory wasn’t sure there were enough ‘reallys’ in the world for how good it actually was. They had certainly waited long enough.

Maybe it was the anticipation that made it even more special than it otherwise might have been. She couldn’t imagine it being as spectacular as that when they were young. She had no experience at all then and wasn’t certain he had as much as the rumours suggested either, actually. Now, they knew what they were doing, and they were so certain and so ready for it all. Rory had zero regrets, except maybe that she hadn’t given enough thought to the whole sneaking back into her house thing.

Easing the front door closed behind her, she paused in the hallway, shoes held in her hand, listening intently for any sound or movement from above. Sure there was none, she tiptoed carefully towards the stairs, then started going up.

She moved slowly, a whole lot slower than she had when she was all-but chasing Jess up into the diner apartment a few hours before. To think that just the other day she had been worried he might make a move she wasn’t ready for. That he might expect things that she wasn’t prepared to give. It seemed so stupid now. When they were stood outside the restaurant, even before that, when they were across the table from each other, or in the car on the way to Hartford, or perhaps even from the second they linked arms on the porch outside her front door, she just knew the night was going to end somewhere beautiful.

Kissing was a given. More than kissing started to appeal pretty quickly, and though it wasn’t purely the wine that made her want to go further, Rory had to admit, it did a good job of bolstering her confidence. It was in the parking lot, when Jess was casually leaning on the car, smiling that enigmatic smile that never failed to make her weak in the knees, that she realised he still had that same effect on her. She wanted him, so bad. At least at this point she knew she could go there if she wanted to. That it wasn’t the same big deal it had been when she was young.

Not that there was no pressure at all. After thirty years, she and Jess crossing that line was most definitely a moment worthy of note and worth taking pretty seriously. The last thing Rory wanted was for him to think she was using him, or that she was making him a promise she couldn’t keep later. She tried to tell him, somewhere between the desperate kisses and their clothes coming off all over the apartment, that this was what she wanted, but she couldn’t promise him anything else. That maybe she could later, she wasn’t sure, but for the moment, this was all she was sure she wanted.

“Rory,” he said, pulling back to look at her seriously. “You want this to happen?”

“Really do,” she told him without pause.

“Then if you’re okay with everything else being put aside until later, I’m okay with that too. Agreed?”

She smiled and nodded affirmatively. “Agreed.”

They dived back in then, head first and without another’s moments pause or concern, and it had been wonderful. Thinking of it made Rory feel so much, it overwhelmed her to the point where she almost missed the top step entirely, narrowly avoiding face-planting into the carpet by a fraction of an inch. Braced on the floor, on her hands and knees, she stopped and waited again. Her eyes flitted to Noah’s bedroom door. The light was out, as it should be at three in the morning, and if she listened closely, she was almost certain she could hear his light snoring.

Letting out a small sigh of relief, Rory clambered back to her bare feet and hurried to her own room, opening the door in silence, and closing it as softly as she could behind herself. Bracing her back against the door, she let herself take a moment and relax. She made it. No harm done. No disturbance made. That was a very good thing.

Pulling out her cell she checked the time. 3:12. She was officially a crazy person, staying out so late. Even when she had the opportunity to be earlier, she threw it away. She recalled reaching for Jess’ cell on the nightstand after what must have been the second time, showing him the figures that stated 12:04.

“So much for being ruined for days by staying up past midnight,” she had said breathlessly, falling down onto the pillows beside him.

“Huh. I think we’re doing pretty well,” he said, referring to their stamina she supposed. “You know, for our age.”

She had slapped him for that, right across the shoulder, pretty hard, actually. Jess only laughed, and didn’t stop until she bodily threw herself on top of him to kiss him some more. She couldn’t seem to stop, not for anything in the world. For someone who had been uncertain about her feelings all of a few days ago, it seemed crazy that she could be so into him now.

Rory might have wondered about it more, but she was too tired, as well as too happy, to think anymore. What she really needed was to go to bed and get whatever sleep she could before she absolutely had to get up again and face the world. Thankfully, it was Saturday, which meant Noah wouldn’t put in an appearance until maybe nine. Nobody was expecting Rory, in any capacity, so she could easily sleep in. When she did sleep, she was pretty sure she was guaranteed some fairly special dreams, and the best part was, when she did wake up in the morning, it would be to a reality that resembled those dreams quite nicely.

There was a huge grin on Rory Gilmore’s face as she slipped out of her clothes, into her pyjamas, and right into bed. She had a feeling she would be wearing that expression all night long and potentially for days after. It felt good and certainly wasn’t the only thing tonight that did!

There was a clattering sound and what might have been somebody cursing. Rory was confused, bleary-eyed, and not at all sure what was happening. When she tried to raise her head from the pillow, she was bemused to find there was no pillow there. She seemed to be upside-down in her bed, the covers caught on her head. That hadn’t happened since she was a kid, at least, not when she was alone in the bed anyway.

A giggle escaped her lips and she bit her lip, recalling who she had been sharing a bed with before she came home. Recalling all that they had done, much of which had played on her mind to the point where she had dreamed about it. That and more that hadn’t really happened, but she wouldn’t mind at all if it did, sometime soon.

Another loud noise from the floor below startled her from the happy daydream and Rory sat up fast in her bed. Jess wasn’t there. She had left him at the diner apartment and come home, so her son wouldn’t wake up in the morning and wonder where she was and why.

Her son.

“Noah,” she said aloud, hopping quickly from her bed.

Rory got herself showered and dressed, then downstairs faster than she had in a long time, reaching the kitchen door, and immediately wondering how she could possibly face Noah after what she had done. She had sex with Jess last night. This morning too. Just a few hours ago, she was in bed with her boyfriend from thirty years ago and they had done things she hoped her fourteen-year-old had never even thought about yet. She certainly wouldn’t want him to know she had been partaking in those same activities, and within a mile of their house.

“Get a grip,” Rory told herself in a harsh whisper. “It’s not like you broke any laws.”

“Mom?”

She flinched when he said that, knowing he must have heard her speak or move or something. Putting on her best smile, Rory pushed on through the kitchen door, eyes going wide when she saw the devastation across the kitchen counter.

“Hey. So, I’m making breakfast. Trying to,” he corrected, making a face as he looked down into the pan before him. “Apparently, it’s not as easy as Grandpa Luke makes it look.”

Rory laughed lightly, then bit her lip so she didn’t make poor Noah feel bad. Rushing over to join him by the stove, she winced at the sight that met her eyes.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure it shouldn’t look like that.”

“You don’t even know what it’s supposed to be,” Noah countered smartly.

“Whatever it is, I doubt it’s edible,” she said, patting his shoulder kindly. “Sorry.”

Noah sighed. “Don’t I at least get points for effort?”

“All of the points for effort,” she promised him, planting a quick affectionate kiss on his cheek, even as she moved to open the lower cabinet door that revealed the waste bin.

Noah tipped the egg-based mess into there without ceremony, then dumped the pan into the sink. “I also burned the toast, spilled the orange juice, and I’m almost certain the milk has gone bad.”

Rory smiled and shook her head. “Please tell me you did nothing awful to the coffee machine.”

“What, you think I have a death wish?” he scoffed, grabbing a mug from behind him and handing it to Rory with a flourish.

Pulling the steaming mug of java into her hands, she took a long sip. “Most favourite child,” she told him seriously over the rim.

“Only child,” he reminded her.

“A mere technicality.” Rory waved away his remark, taking a seat at the counter and savouring her coffee some more. “Now, I don’t mean this in any kind of insulting or ungrateful way, but what did I do to deserve you making me breakfast today? It’s not Mother’s Day or my birthday, and I’m certainly not sick.”

“I just figured maybe you wouldn’t feel like making breakfast.” Noah shrugged, turning away towards the sink, but not exactly starting on the dishes, so much as moving them around for something to do. “You were out pretty late.”

“Yes, I’m sorry about that. We... lost track of time.”

“It’s fine, I get it. Hey, I’m the teenager with the curfew. You’re the mom who can do whatever she wants, with whoever she wants.”

Rory tried very hard not to choke on her coffee when he said that. For one horrible moment, she thought he was implying something. That in some weird way he knew what she did last night. That couldn’t be true. God, she really hoped it wasn’t true.

“Hey, I’m not asking,” he was quick to say, obviously seeing some kind of look on Rory’s face, even though she wasn’t entirely aware of her own expression. “I just... In a totally non-interested in any kind of detailed way,” he clarified, “I hope you had a good time.”

At that, Rory smiled. “Thank you,” she told him gratefully, “and yes, for your non-detailed information, I did have a great time. We both did, actually.”

“Cool.” Noah nodded his approval. “So, I have homework I figure I may as well work on since, you know, still grounded until at least next week, right?”

“Right,” Rory agreed, recalling that his reduced sentence didn’t give him his freedom until then. “I’m not shaving off any more days for the attempted breakfast, sorry.”

“I didn’t mean for you to.” Noah shook his head. “And don’t worry about me. I had Pop Tarts while you were still snoring.” He grinned at her, throwing up his hand in a brief wave, and then, he was gone.

Rory didn’t even care to yell at him, not even in a joking way. He meant no harm. Her beloved son who cared so much about her. Who was trying so hard to be supportive through the weirdness of his absent father showing up and his mother dating her ex. It was a lot for a fourteen-year-old, but he was handling it beautifully. She couldn’t love him more if she tried, but if she could, this last week or two would’ve caused her to do it.

Speaking of people who had a big impact in her life, especially in the last couple of weeks, Rory felt her cell vibrate in her cardigan pocket and smiled on pulling it out and seeing a message from Jess.

‘You ruined me, Gilmore. I got maybe four hours sleep before the diner opened up and I can’t think about anything but you. Not that I have any regrets.’

‘No regrets here either,’ she began to type as her reply. ‘It was the most amazing night. We should really do it again sometime.’

Two seconds later, his response came through. ‘Name the time and place, you know I’ll be there.’

Chapter Text

“Oh my God, you had sex with Jess?”

“I did, I had sex with Jess.”

“Oh my God!”

Lane was so much her teenage self in that moment, Rory couldn’t help but laugh. Honestly, she could quite easily imagine she was seventeen again herself, if not for the way her body ached and she felt more tired than she had in forever, even though it was two whole days since her and Jess had gone on their date and then spent the night together.

“It was good, right?” Lane asked then, the look on her face confirming, without question that she was asking about the post-date activities rather than the going out to dinner part of the evening.

“It was.” Rory nodded. “I mean, I don’t really know what I expected. It’s not like it would’ve been back then, obviously, but it was... it was me and Jess. You know what was between us before, it has always been special, kind of electric, I guess. Let’s just say, I left the apartment a satisfied woman.”

Rory wasn’t sure she knew how to explain any better than that, and even if she did, she didn’t entirely want to. Some people were comfortable talking in-depth about their sex lives, she knew, having experienced friends who would tell her much more than she ever needed to know, without her ever asking. She just wasn’t built that way herself, and thankfully, she knew Lane wasn’t the type to dig too deep either.

“Wow. You and Jess.” She sighed and shook her head, the grin on her face not shifting even a tiny bit. “You know, I really think it was destiny. Obviously, I was mad at him back in the day, when he was making you so upset and everything, but there was always something with you two. It was as if you were just circling around, waiting on each other to be in the right place, at the right time.”

That didn’t sound right to Rory, until she gave it a moment’s thought and realised, she had no reasonable argument to what her friend was implying. Timing was everything, or so they said, and she had to admit that, where she and Jess were concerned, their previous timing had always been pretty crappy.

When he first came to town, she was seeing Dean. Just when she started to realise maybe she should be brave and dump her boyfriend to be with Jess, she had to go to Washington and arrived home to find Jess with Shane. Even when they were together, it was hard work, because he had issues and so did she. They just weren’t grown up enough to handle each other, not properly. By the time he was in a better place, she wasn’t, for the longest time, and when at last her life came together, he seemed to disappear.

“You’re right,” she told Lane, almost laughing at herself for not seeing it sooner. “We really do have the worst timing of any two people in the world. Even worse than my mom and Luke, and that took a really long time to work out.”

“Maybe it’s a genetic thing,” Lane considered, shrugging her shoulders, “but hey, you don’t have to worry about that anymore, because finally, finally it’s working out!”

She had a tight grip on Rory’s arm and was practically bouncing in her seat, the years just falling away from her as she giggled like the teen she used to be. Nobody would have suspected she had grown up kids of her own. Lane was giddy as a high schooler and Rory couldn’t help but feel much the same way.

“It feels so strange,” she admitted, leaning back into the couch cushions with a sigh. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good strange, but still, it’s like two worlds colliding or something. On the one hand, I have this great life, my son, my own home, my work, and I love it all. On the other, I have Jess, my high school boyfriend back in my life making me so, so happy, and I... I love him too. I knew that part already, that I loved him, but I don’t think I realised I could be in love with him. Still in love with him?” she considered, before shaking her head. “I don’t know, I was never sure when we were kids if that was what I was feeling. After all, I was sure I was in love with Dean, at least until Jess came along, and then, there was Logan. God, how does anybody ever really know if they’re in love? I’m forty-seven years old and I’m still not one hundred percent certain.”

Lane’s hand on her arm was soft and comforting then. “You’ve had it tough. Dean seemed like a nice guy, and I guess he was in a lot of ways, but you have to admit, his jealous streak was a mile wide, even before Jess showed up. I’m sure you did love him, like I loved Dave, but that doesn’t mean you can’t also love somebody else. Jess was clearly who you were supposed to be with, and for what it’s worth, I believe you always loved him, that you were in love with him from the first minute. With Logan... I don’t know, I think you did fall for the guy. He was good-looking and charming and exciting. I mean, what’s not to love?”

Rory slowly nodded her head. “I did love him, and I’m glad I did, for Noah’s sake, if nothing else. I loved all three of them, at different times. They all mattered, and for a while, they were all great boyfriends, and exactly who I needed at the time when each of them came along.”

“And now, you’re ready for Jess to come back around again. Jess 2.0.”

“Jess 3.0, or maybe even a better version than that,” Rory considered, smiling as she thought about him, unable to help it. “It’s so crazy, Lane. When he was first here, everybody was so quick to tell me I was too good for him, to tell him he wasn’t good enough for me. I never believed it, but it was the general consensus. Even you said so once.”

Lane shrugged. “I meant it at the time, I guess. You have to admit, he wasn’t exactly the best at treating you like a girlfriend should be treated, but I understand now that he was going through a lot.”

“He was,” Rory agreed. “More than he could deal with. More than I knew how to help with, but he got over it. You know, when he came to visit, a while before my mom and Luke got married, when he told me I should write a book... God, he had come so far, and I was in this sucky place in my life. I looked across the desk at the newspaper office and I just... I wasn’t even thinking about him that way then, not consciously, anyway, but it hit me so hard that, if I had wanted him back, I couldn’t have deserved him then. I was a mess. My life was just so undefined and crappy and, and I didn’t like who I was or what I was doing.”

“See, this is what I was talking about,” Lane told her. “Your timing was always bad, for both of you. Now is obviously the right time, right?”

Rory wanted to believe that. She nodded her head to say that Lane was right, but that didn’t stop her teeth worrying her bottom lip, and her mind spinning a mile a minute with potential problems.

After all, as much as Noah said he was cool with Rory dating Jess, she had to wonder if he always would be, especially when things got serious, which it seemed liked they would, and fast. Then there was the whole situation with Logan. So far, Noah said he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do regarding a possible relationship with his father. He was thinking about it, weighing it up. It had only been a week or so, and it was a big decision.

Besides, he was a lot like Rory when it came to pro-con lists and such. She would just hate for him to think she didn’t want to help him with that whole thing. As much as she could despise Logan for his attitude and behaviour, she was always, always there for her son, no matter what. Whatever he needed, she wanted to provide, if she possibly could.

“I told you, guys, I’ll be there for the meeting. It’s no big deal.”

Jess was getting a little tired of repeating himself and more than a little frustrated with Chris and Matthew for making him do it. They also kept on grinning at him like idiots through the computer screen, even though he had given them next to no information about his renewed romance with Rory. All they knew was that there had been a date and everything was going well. Though Jess didn’t exactly class himself as a gentleman, old-fashioned or otherwise, he was not sharing any more of his or Rory’s business than that, not even with the guys who had been practically like brothers to him over the past twenty plus years.

Just as they were beginning to press him some more, hoping for any details they could glean, somebody knocked loudly on the apartment door. Jess had no idea who it could be, since Luke only gave a cursory knock before walking straight in, and the only other person to come seeking him out would be Rory. She was out too, since it was barely a half-hour ago that they had been texting and she said she was going to spend some serious girl-talk time with Lane.

“Guys, I gotta go,” he told Chris and Matthew then. “But like I said, I’ll see you Friday.”

He barely let them answer before he closed the lid on his laptop, getting up to go over to the door, just as the unknown visitor knocked all over again.

“Okay, okay,” he muttered, finally getting the door open. “What’s the... problem?” The last word became disjointed from the rest when Jess finally saw who was there waiting for him. “Noah. What’s up?”

The kid looked weird, agitated maybe, and that couldn’t be good on any level. Of course, Jess’ first thought was that he had come to yell and scream about Rory. How he wanted Jess to leave her alone or something, stop trying to get in the way of his parents reuniting maybe. Not that any of that would make sense, given what Noah had said before, but it was Jess’ biggest fear, if he were honest.

“I, uh... I thought maybe we could talk?” he said, shifting awkwardly in place, looking nervous as hell. “I mean, you said if I ever needed somebody to talk to, you know, with us having the whole absent father thing in common...”

“Right, sure. Come in.” Jess quickly moved aside and ushered the boy inside, feeling like a heel for actually being relieved that all the fuss was about Logan rather than himself.

The last thing Jess wanted was to see Noah suffering. Strange as it might sound, he already loved the boy, not least because he was a part of Rory, who he had loved for thirty years already. The weirdest part was how he could see pieces of himself reflected in Noah. It was an impossibility and yet still it was true.

“You wanna sit?” he asked, gesturing to the chairs.

Noah parked himself, putting his school bag on the table, eyes trained largely on the floor, as one leg jiggled with pent-up energy. He was in a bad place. Nothing too horrific where Jess might be genuinely scared what he would do to himself or others, but he was holding too much in, worrying too much. He knew the signs because he used to be the same way. Still could be, sometimes, only he had learned how to deal a little better over the last couple of decades or so.

“So,” said Jess, pulling the other chair until it was facing Noah then sitting down in it, leaning over with his elbows on his knees and trying to meet the kid’s constantly shifting gaze. “What’s going on? Did you talk to Logan again?”

Noah shook his head. “Not yet. I keep thinking about it. I mean, he didn’t care about me for most of my life. He never would’ve come see me if Mom didn’t chase his ass down and make him do it.”

He looked up awkwardly then and Jess tried really hard not to smile too much. “You think I care that you just said ‘ass’?”

“Probably not.” Noah sighed. “Mom’s not a huge fan.”

“Well, I won’t tell her about it,” Jess assured him, “but I’m pretty sure in these kinds of circumstances, she would understand anyway.”

“Anyway,” Noah continued then, “I feel like what’s the point in even trying to get to know him? It’s obviously not what he wants. If he did, he would’ve been around before. And then, the way he talked about my mom, like it was all her fault that he wasn’t there for me, and that his other marriages and stuff never worked out... He made me so damn mad. I wanted to...”

He didn’t finish the sentence, but the way his right fist smacked against his left palm told Jess everything he needed to know. It was a sentiment he well understood where Logan Huntzberger was concerned and for all kinds of reasons.

“Yeah, well, we’ve all been there,” he said, rolling his eyes, “but it’s true what they tell you. Most of the time, violence isn’t worth it.”

“Most of the time?” Noah checked, one eyebrow raised.

Jess fought a smirk and lost. “As far as you’re concerned, it’s never worth it,” he told him. “When you’re out of school and out of your mom’s house, and you think you have a really, really good reason, then we’ll talk about it some more, okay?”

He wasn’t expecting the expression that put on Noah’s face, a little surprise but with a smile to go along with. It was a vast change from the nervous twitching and anger he had started out with.

“You know, I’d be okay with that. You still being around, years from now, I mean. You’re obviously making Mom seriously happy already, and Grandpa Luke loves having you here too.”

It was impossible for Jess not to squirm at the implications. “Yeah, well, that’s a conversation for another day. Right now, we’re talking about you and what you wanna do about your dad. You know, I can’t tell you what the answer is, right? Just because my father wasn’t exactly stellar dad material back in the day, every person is different, and every relationship is its own thing, Noah.”

“I get that,” he said, nodding his head. “I just... I guess I want to know if it’s normal. You know, the part where I hate this guy for being the way he is, but at the same time... at the same time, I wanna get to know him, because he’s my dad.”

He was going to cry, and if he did that, Jess had no idea how he would deal. Thankfully, it was a rare moment when Noah ever looked at all like Logan, but sometimes, Jess wondered if it was all the times he looked like Rory that were tougher to deal with, especially when the sad end of the emotional spectrum was involved.

“Well, first of all, pretty sure there is no normal. Everybody has their own normal, and it hardly ever matches up with anybody else’s idea of what that is,” he explained, “but loving and hating your dad all at the same time? I get that,” he promised, nodding his head. “A part of me couldn’t stand the idea of being around the guy that ran out on me the day I was born and never looked back. What kind of asshole does that, right? But when Jimmy showed up and we talked and, and I saw myself in how he looked and heard myself in how he talked, there was no way not to wanna try and understand, to try and connect or whatever. Now, that doesn’t mean you have to want to know Logan, but I’m also not saying you shouldn’t. It has to be your decision, Noah. Nobody else can make that kind of choice for you. Not me or your mom or even your dad. Just you.”

It was a lot to put on a fourteen-year-old. It had felt a lot to Jess at eighteen and grown, but still, what he said held true. Whether Noah wanted a relationship with Logan or not was his choice alone, and apparently, he was struggling with it. Jess didn’t push or prod, didn’t hurry him to say anything or to go. For a long while, they just sat in silence, Noah clearly thinking hard, Jess only hoping he wasn’t inadvertently making matters worse.

“I just don’t want Mom to be mad about it,” said Noah eventually, voice so quiet, Jess wouldn’t have heard him at all, if they hadn’t been sat fairly close together in a silence room. “She says whatever I choose to do is fine with her, but after what he said-”

“Hey, if Rory said she’s cool with something, then she’s cool with it,” Jess cut in then. “I get that you think she might just be saying it to make you feel better, and I’m sure that, on some levels, she would love to never have to deal with your dad again, for obvious reasons, but you matter more to her than anyone else. There is no doubt in my mind about that. You come first with her, Noah.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re right up there in the ranking too.”

There was no bitterness when he said it, no real edge to his voice, just a statement of the facts as he saw them. Jess took no offence and felt not at all slighted when he gave his own response.

“Nope. I come in second, maybe. Honestly, I’m just happy if I make the Top Ten,” he said honestly. “What matters is that you are number one with your mom. I know that and I wouldn’t want it any other way,” he said definitely. “I’m also pretty sure that if you talk to her about how you’re feeling, she will be fine with it. She would probably actually be glad to know you’re taking this seriously and that she means so damn much to you, but,” he emphasised firmly, “she’ll also tell you the same thing I am. You need to make this choice, and whichever way you go with it, you will have everybody’s support. I’m not just talking about your mom and me, but your grandparents too. Everybody who loves you just wants you to be happy, Noah. If getting to know Logan will help you, even if you think there’s a chance it will, then go for it. You can always stop contact later if you need to, or if you just want to step back right now, without any more calls or meetings, that’s okay too. Nobody’s going to judge you either way.”

As he said these things, Jess could actually hear Luke’s voice in his head. The words would’ve sounded better coming from his uncle, he was sure, and yet, the look on Noah’s face suggested he hadn’t done so bad of a job himself. At least he was smiling, even if it wasn’t the biggest grin he ever wore in his life.

“Thanks, Jess,” he said, after a moment or two. “I, uh, I appreciate it.”

It was only then that Jess let out a breath he hardly knew he had been holding. “Anytime.”

Chapter Text

“Do you really have to go to Philadelphia tomorrow?”

“I was supposed to go to Philadelphia tonight,” Jess reminded her. “Not that I’m complaining that you convinced me to stay longer.”

“I hoped you wouldn’t.” Rory grinned, kissing his chest and curling up a little closer. “You said your meeting wasn’t until the afternoon, and it’s only a three-hour drive, so if you leave early enough in the morning...”

“That’s still true,” he agreed, kissing the top of her head, “but it was a way more convincing argument when you were taking off my pants.”

Rory laughed at that, burying her face in his neck, placing further kisses on his skin. Seriously, Jess had zero complaints about any of what she was doing, or what they had been doing together moments before. Being with Rory, in any way at all, it was all he had wanted for so long. The physical side was great, of course, but just being around her, being close in all the other ways two people could be, it was amazing to get to do that again. He didn’t want it to end, not even for a few days while he went to visit with the guys at Truncheon, but he did have to.

“How long will you be gone?” she asked then, moving to look at him. “Jess?”

“I don’t know,” he told her honestly, making himself meet her eyes. “The meeting is tomorrow, then I’ll probably spend the weekend with the guys. I mean, it’s been a while. It’s really less of a have-to and more of a want-to, crazy as that seems.”

“Look at you, being a well-adjusted adult with actual friends,” she teased him, in a way he would only take from her, and they both knew it. “You’ve come a long way.”

“Maybe,” he agreed, his hand in her hair, “but some things about me never changed. Like how I feel about you.”

Jess knew, the moment the words left his mouth, that he probably should have kept them inside his head and his heart. This whole second go-around thing with Rory, it had started out shaky at best. She was stunned to hear he was still in love with her after thirty long years, but agreed to a date in the end. When dinner turned into a trip back to the apartment and their first time together, at last, she made it pretty clear that it didn’t necessarily mean she felt as much as he did. Jess was okay with that, at least, he told himself he was going to have to be. He wanted her too much to do anything else. He loved her enough he might just be able to deal with being the only one who was all in in their relationship, if it just meant being with her.

“Jess...”

“It’s okay,” he told her, one more time as she started to look pained. “I wasn’t... Forget I said it. It’s fine.”

He wanted to be strong about it, to be so much that well-adjusted adult she talked about. At his age, he figured he ought to be able to achieve it, but then, age was just a number after all. Maybe it was okay that he wasn’t quite over all of his abandonment issues and the inferiority complex.

“No, it’s not fine,” Rory insisted, her hand at his face, making him look at her again when he tried to turn away. “And I’m not... You seem so determined that I was going to tell you I don’t feel the same way.”

“You said you weren’t so sure you did,” he reminded her, hoping it didn’t sound as bitter to her as it seemed to when he heard it himself.

“I wasn’t,” she admitted, taking such a deep breath, he felt it against his own chest, before she continued, “but this past week, doing whatever you call this. I mean, not this,” she emphasised, gesturing vaguely between their naked bodies, “all of it. The reconnecting, rekindling thing. I guess I’m starting to wonder how I ever thought for a second that I wasn’t always in love with you.”

Her voice got so quiet towards the end, it was nothing but a whisper, making Jess glad she was so close that he caught every word. He hadn’t realised his eyes had fallen shut until he realised he had to open them if he wanted to look at her, and he did. He wanted to look at Rory and see the love for him in her eyes, knowing for sure now that he wasn’t imaging it or putting it there by pure force of will. She was giving it to him for real, meaning every word she said, he was sure on that.

“Didn’t you hear me?” she asked then, looking oddly nervous. “I said...”

“I know what you said,” he told her, having to clear his throat twice before he could go on. “You know I love you, Rory. I’ve always loved you.”

“And I know for sure now that I’ve always loved you too. Jess, I’m so sorry that it took so long to-”

He pulled her closer then, kissed her firmly, taking away whatever apology she seemed determined to give. He didn’t want it. He didn’t even need it.

“Don’t be sorry,” he told her softly, between further kisses. “Regret’s a waste of time. I don’t wanna waste anymore time. Do you?”

“Not a second,” she said breathlessly, the last words either of them said for a good long while.

“So, I guess I’ll see you next week. Monday?”

“Probably. I don’t know, I think maybe I should swing by my apartment and check on things before I come back. Might be Tuesday. I’ll call you if it’s going to be longer than that.”

“Okay.”

Rory felt so stupid when she heard her own voice crack, felt tears building behind her eyes. It wasn’t as if she was an over-emotional teenager anymore. She was a grown woman who knew her own worth, who was sure about her relationship, who understood that people had responsibilities they had to attend to. She had enough of her own, including a job and a home and a son of fourteen. Why on Earth would she be crying and snivelling, just because the man in her life had to go out of town for a few days? Still, she couldn’t seem to help it.

The moment Jess turned around and saw her face, he looked sad.

“Hey, come on,” he said, from his place standing on the far side of the bed, apparently having problems fastening his watch. “Rory, we spent years apart. More than a decade this last time. What’s a few days, huh?”

She nodded because she knew he was right, forced a smile because it was what the situation called for, but still Rory couldn’t keep a single tear from falling down her right cheek.

“I wish I knew what was the matter with me,” she said, going so far as to laugh at herself, she just felt that stupid. “It’s not as if you’re never coming back, that I even think for a second that you would disappear on me, not now.”

“Never,” Jess promised, coming around the bed and putting his hands on her shoulders as he tried desperately to meet her gaze. “Rory, I know I haven’t always been the world’s most reliable guy-”

“That was a long time ago,” she cut in fast, “and you had your reasons. I know you’re different now. This isn’t about that, Jess, I promise. I honestly don’t know what it is, really. I just feel like, like things are finally good, really, really good, and I guess I’m just stupidly worried that if you go, I don’t know, the spell will break, if that makes sense. The moment will be lost and then that’s it. I mean, we’ve had so many chances, they have to run out eventually and-”

He kissed her then, tenderly, holding her face in his hands. “There are no last chances with us, Rory,” he told her softly then. “I promise, I’ll be back in a few days, and then, we’ll figure out where we go from here. You and me and Noah, we’ll get it all figured out, okay?”

Jess couldn’t have made her any happier than she was in that moment, not just talking about the future they could have together, but including her son in that, without any hesitation.

“You mean that, don’t you?” she said, not needing an answer to her rhetorical question. “You look at what comes next and you think of it in terms of the three of us. You just do.”

“Obviously.” He nodded, looking at her as if he didn’t understand why she was surprised. “You have a son, Rory, and okay, he’s not a baby anymore, but he’s your priority, that’s how it should be. Since you are my only priority, that puts him at the top of my list too, right alongside you. What? You didn’t think that was how it would be?”

“I, I don’t know. I guess I did, or at least, I didn’t think it wouldn’t be,” she explained badly, shaking her head when she realised that. “I don’t know, I suppose I just think of you and me as a thing and me and Noah as another thing. Not in a way where I don’t want you two to get along. Of course, I do. I love that you guys are friends now. It’s just...”

“Weird?” he filled in for her, smirking in that way that never failed to make her weak in the knees. “You know, you use that word a lot lately. I always thought you had a better vocabulary than that, Ms Big-Time Writer.”

“Yes, well, maybe I do,” she countered, putting her arms around him, “but my brain gets fuzzy when you’re this close.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

When he kissed her then, she didn’t object at all. It was what she wanted, after all. if they could have gone right back to bed, she would have been more than amenable to that too, if not for the fact she knew he had to leave. Besides, she wasn’t entirely sure she had the stamina for another go around, no matter how sorely she was tempted, and she really was.

That writing he had mentioned, she had more than one article outstanding that she had put off for as long as Jess was around. This weekend was going to be a busy one. It actually made it a little easier that Noah’s grounding was over and he had plans with his friends so she could catch up.

When Jess’ watched beeped, letting him know the hour, he pulled away from her.

“I gotta go.”

“I know.” She nodded in agreement. “Drive safe.”

“I will,” he promised, stealing one last kiss.

They walked down from the apartment together and over to his car. Rory reminded herself again that he wouldn’t be gone long and that a great future lay ahead when he returned, or at least, they would have a chance to plan that future a little. It was all she wanted.

When Jess finally pulled the car away from the kerb, raising one hand in a brief wave goodbye, Rory took a deep breath, determined not to cry anymore. Looking towards home, she put her hands in her pockets and set off walking. She really did need to pull herself together already. She needed to get home, make sure Noah was up and mostly ready to go to school. At least she had told him she would be out all night this time, and to his credit, he had been very grown up about it. He flinched a little, but Rory could understand that. Even after all this time, she really didn’t need to think about her mother having sex either. She was pretty sure nobody ever wanted to go down that road when it came to their parents.

At the front door, she let herself in, calling for her son and smiling when she realised he was already running down the stairs.

“Hey. I had some trouble finding one of my books,” he noted, shoving it in his bag, now that he had located it. “Is Jess gone?”

“He is,” she replied, nodding her head. “But it’s just for a few days. He’ll be back.”

“I know,” Noah agreed, without pause, seeming perfectly fine and happy, until suddenly he wasn’t.

“What?” Rory checked, half-afraid he was about to tell her he wished Jess couldn’t come back.

She couldn’t see it happening. Like she said before, she was glad to know that her son and Jess were getting along so well, something like friends, actually. She had no indication at all from Noah that things had changed. She really hoped she wasn’t about to hear about it now.

“After school, you’ll be around, right? I mean, I know you said you have a lot of work to do this weekend, and trust me, I am more than happy to get out of your way now my sentence is almost over,” he said, with a smile that looked more normal, though the serious crept in again all too fast right after. “I just need to talk to you today. It’s, uh, it’s about my dad,” he said, tone becoming decidedly muttered by the end.

“Hey, of course, we can talk about your dad. We can talk about absolutely anything, you and me. You know this,” she said, her hand at his shoulder as she encouraged him to look at her. “Noah, seriously, we can talk about anything, always. Right?”

He sighed and nodded his head at last. “Yeah, I guess so. Jess said you’d be cool about it.”

“He did?” Rory frowned a little then. “You were talking to Jess about me?”

“About my dad mostly, and how you would react if I talked to you about him. It’s not your fault, Mom, I swear. I only went to Jess because, well, he gets it more than anybody else does, the whole sucky absent father thing.”

“Yes, I guess he does,” Rory agreed, trying not to smile too much at the odd phrasing. “And you know I don’t mind if you want to talk to him about it. I know he only wants to help you, if he possibly can. For the record, that’s what I want too.”

“I know.” He smiled more genuinely then. “So, after school...”

“You and me, burgers with everything, lots of fries, and chocolate ice-cream, all from your grandpa’s diner, and we’ll talk. Okay?”

She knew that would make him grin just as wide as possible, promising his very favourite foods from his very favourite place. It was what she wanted, more than anything in the world, just his happiness, that was all.

“We’ll talk,” he agreed, nodding once more. “Thanks, Mom,” he said then, reaching out to hug her and squeezing so tight. “You’re the best.”

For the second time that morning, Rory had to fight so hard not to cry, but at least this time they were very happy tears.

“No, you’re the best,” she told her son, hugging him back just as tightly.

Chapter Text

“You and the famous Rory Gilmore, after all this time.” Matthew shook his head and dug deeper into his carton of Chinese food. “I guess I figured you were just gonna pine away for the rest of your days, the confirmed bachelor forevermore.”

Jess opened his mouth to deny the pining part, but in the end, didn’t even bother. The guys wouldn’t believe him if he said it. Honestly, he wasn’t so sure he would believe himself either.

“I think it’s cool,” said Chris thoughtfully, “and you know, your story would make an amazing book. The female demographic would obviously eat that stuff up, but even on the male side, you know, if you wrote it from your point of view, and didn’t focus entirely on-”

“Chris,” said Jess sharply, shaking his head in the negative, the moment his friend looked at him. “My life is not a book.”

“Rory’s life was a book,” Matthew reminded him, “and you admitted yourself that The Subsect was at least semi-autobiographical, minimally inspired by real events.”

“That’s not the point,” Jess insisted. “I’m not making money off me and Rory, I’m just not.”

He meant that very firmly, for a whole myriad of reasons. Jess was pretty sure if his words didn’t make his feelings clear, the look on his face ought to. If the guys didn’t know him well enough by now to be able to read him well, then there really was no hope for their friendship at all.

“So, you headed right back to the Hollow tomorrow?” Chris asked, a well-placed if not only minor subject change, Jess thought. “’Cause Mel was hoping maybe you would come over for dinner tomorrow night.”

“I can be here a couple of days,” Jess told him, smiling at the thoughtful invite from his buddy’s wife. “You invite Matt and Carole also?”

“Obviously,” Matthew agreed, around a mouthful of noodles. “Dinner at Chris and Mel’s is the only way we get a decent home-cooked meal.”

Jess smirked at that, knowing as he did that Matthew’s ability to cook ranked in the same leagues as the Gilmore girls kitchen skills. His wife wasn’t so much as a couldn’t cook as a wouldn’t cook. Coming from the higher echelons of society, she never had to dirty her hands and always vowed she wasn’t going to start just because she fell in love with and married a lowly guy like Matthew. Jess found it amusing, to say the least, but was glad to see his buddy as grounded as ever, in spite of his elevation in status since his marriage.

“You can tell Melanie, thanks, and I’ll be there for dinner tomorrow night, whatever time she says,” he told Chris then. “I figure I’ll hang out with you knuckleheads until the weekend is over, reacquaint myself with what Philly has to offer, then swing by my own place in New York, before I go back to Connecticut.”

“And then that’s where you’ll stay?” asked Matthew, peering curiously over the take-out container once more. “I mean, if you’re serious about Rory, and hey, let’s be real, you’ve never not been serious about Rory...”

Jess didn’t have an answer for that one. He certainly couldn’t deny the part about always being serious about Rory, but as to his plans for the future, that was all a little less certain. They were supposed to talk about it when he got back, him and Rory and Noah too, but it really was going to have to be a three-way decision. Also, the timing had to be right. Rushing into things never really ended well, and as much as this thing had been years in the making, the actual rekindled romance was barely a week old. That really wasn’t much in the grand scheme of things, even if the run-up had been three decades long.

“When I get back, we’ll talk about it. Me and Rory and her son, all together. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you guys posted on where I’ll be, but it’s not like it matters much. These days, I can pretty much work anywhere, and New York is only a couple of hours from Stars Hollow, so anything I have to attend in-person, I still can.”

“Hey, I’m not saying it’s a problem at all,” Chris insisted, hands raised in mock surrender.

“No problems here either,” Matthew insisted, when all eyes went to him. “I just... well, not to go all Hallmark movie on you, but I just wanna see you happy, man.”

“Amen to that,” Chris agreed with a wide smile.

It was just about as sentimental as any of them were prepared to get, and Jess was fine with that. He saved any and all of his own vulnerable or emotional moments for Rory, and maybe Luke, if he could possibly help it.

Clearing his throat, his eyes were distinctly on his Chinese food as he stabbed at it with gusto, and said; “So, we’re telling the guy with the sci-fi-gothic-romance fusion novel that we just don’t have the capacity to take on his book, right?”

“God, yes!”

“Absolutely!”

The guys spoke one over the other as they expressed their confusion and distaste for the manuscript. Jess really didn’t care that he couldn’t make out what either of them was actually saying. He was just glad to have them out of his private business for a while, no matter how well-meaning their concerns might have been.

Right now, he wanted to focus on work, and when he got back to the Hollow, then he wanted to talk to Rory and Noah about their possible future together. He had to keep it separate, unless he wanted his brain to explode. It was kind of a lot, especially with the shadow of Logan Huntzberger hanging over everything, but that was another worry for another day.

“You’re sure this is how you wanna do this?”

“Mom, you said it was cool.”

“And it is cool!” Rory insisted, too loudly, she was sure, but she was having trouble reigning in her emotions in that moment. “Noah, you know that whatever you want regarding your dad is totally cool with me,” she insisted, patting his hand. “I’m just double-checking, for your sake, not for mine, I swear.”

He had Logan’s current cell number and was now prepared to call it and ask to meet up. Not in Stars Hollow. Noah wasn’t stupid and knew very well that nobody in his hometown had much love for his absent father, not least his grandparents, but so many others who loved him too, from Sookie and Jackson to Lane and Zach and all the way to Babette and Maury, plus more besides. Noah had made the very grown-up choice, in Rory’s opinion anyway, to meet with Logan in New York, as per his original plan. If that was what he wanted, Rory wouldn’t stand in his way, not for anything.

“Okay. So, I’m doing this.”

Noah’s hand was visibly shaking as he held out his cell phone and prepared to hit the speed dial. Rory said nothing about it, just moved a little closer on the couch and gave him a supportive smile.

“I’m right here, until you tell me you don’t want me to be, then I can leave the room, any time you want.”

Noah let out a shaky breath and smiled back at her. “I honestly don’t see that happening, but thanks.”

Rory nodded, watched him dial, and then put the phone on speaker. They waited through one ring, then two, and three, then finally...

“Huntzberger.”

“Hey... It’s me. Um, it’s Noah.”

“Noah. Hey, what’s going on, kid?”

Rory winced at ‘kid’ and also at the jovial tone that she had an idea was fake. Maybe she was being unfair, but she had known Logan a very long time, before his self-inflicted ostracism, and had gotten pretty good at knowing when he was lying or faking. Not that she was prepared to say anything about that, not in that moment, or after the call was over. It could only make matters worse.

“Uh, you said I should call if I wanted to talk or meet up or anything,” Noah was saying then. “So, I was thinking, you’re in New York a lot, right?”

“Some times more than others, but yes, I do find myself in the city more often than some other places,” Logan replied.

“Well, I thought, next time you were there, maybe I could come meet you? Maybe, maybe we could spend some time together, you know, talking about stuff, hanging out, whatever.”

His voice was shaking. Rory recognised the signs of his nerves ramping up and put a comforting hand on his arm, squeezing gently to prevent a full-on flail. He leaned into her a little and smiled, which seemed like a good sign.

“Well, sure, that sounds like a great idea,” Logan’s voice said through the phone. “Let me just check my calendar a second here...”

“It would have to be a weekend, obviously, or in my vacation time. I have school.”

“Of course, you have school, and I know your mom wouldn’t want you skipping at all, not even for a good reason. So, let’s see what we have here...”

Rory literally bit her tongue in the pause that followed. He was being an ass on purpose, goading her, even though he couldn’t possibly have been sure she was there. She was absolutely determined not to give away her presence either way. It was easier if he thought Noah was doing this alone, without her even knowing about it perhaps.

“How about November 8th?” he offered then.

Noah glanced at Rory as he nodded. “Sure, I could be there then.”

She nodded back in agreement of the same, then they both looked at the cell on the table once more.

“Okay then, I’ll pencil it in, and we can talk again later about the final arrangements. I’m sorry, kid, I have a meeting I have to get to right now, but it’s great that you called. Honestly, it is.”

“Cool, so talk to you again soon?”

“You bet. Bye now.”

The call cut off before Noah even got a chance to say goodbye himself, and Rory winced on his behalf all over again. Even so, she couldn’t help the sigh of relief that rushed out of her lungs. At least that part was over. Another hurdle conquered. Still, she was worried by Noah’s odd expression.

“Regrets?” she checked, tilting her head as she stared at him. “You know, it’s okay if you have, and it’s just as fine if you don’t. I’m just asking, because that look on your face is a little... well, last time I saw it, I’m pretty sure you had some explosive stomach issues right after.” At that, her son made an even worse face. “You were three,” she explained.

It was nice to see and hear Noah laugh then, even though Rory honestly hadn’t said it to get that reaction. She was more relieved by his apparent ability to feel happy in that moment than even from getting off the phone from Logan before.

“I’m okay,” he confirmed then. “I mean, I kind of wish he had sounded a little more enthusiastic or whatever, but hey, maybe he’s as nervous as I am?”

“Maybe.” Rory nodded, though she couldn’t really believe it.

Logan was rarely if ever the nervous type. She could count on one hand the number of times she had genuinely seen or heard him show any sign of such an emotion, but this was his son wanting to reconnect with him, so maybe it did make a difference. It should make a difference and Rory wanted to think that it did.

What she did know for sure was that if her ex hurt Noah in any way as a result of this meeting, he would pay, one way or the other. All in the all, the Huntzbergers had done enough to screw things up for her in her own young life. Rory was not going to stand by and see the same kind of thing happen to her son.

Chapter Text

“So, they’re going to meet in New York?”

“That’s the plan.”

“Huh. I’m sorry, it’s just the irony. Noah went to New York to meet Logan, except I found him and brought him home. Now, he’s going to do it all over again,” Jess noted, with a smirk he couldn’t help. “At least this time he has the permission and knowledge of both his parents.”

“He does,” Rory confirmed, before sighing loudly in his ear. “God, I wish he didn’t. I mean, I just wish... Not that Logan doesn’t want to see Noah, because I’m glad that he does, in a way. In the sense that Noah needs this and I want what’s best for my son.”

“But you’d like it better if Noah had no interest whatsoever in Huntzberger, so you didn’t have to worry about how the dick is going to treat your kid.”

There was a brief pause before she finally answered in a soft voice. “You know me so well.”

“After this long, shouldn’t I?”

If they were in the same place at the same time, he would’ve kissed her then. Unfortunately, Jess was in bed alone, in the make-shift apartment above Truncheon that was hardly ever used as living space these days, while Rory was two hundred miles north, sighing into her own pillow.

“We should talk about something else,” she said then. “I’m never going to sleep tonight with Huntzberger-shaped worries in my head.”

“One last thing before we drop it,” Jess said fast. “If you and Noah want to use my place to crash while you’re in New York, it’s yours.”

“Are, are you serious?”

Her shock ought to have been insulting, Jess supposed, but he chose not to take it that way. The thought obviously hadn’t crossed Rory’s mind that she and Noah would stay anywhere but at some hotel or other, but that just seemed like a waste of money and effort, as far as he could tell. Of course, the choice was ultimately theirs.

“If it makes your life easier,” he assured her, “but at the same time, if you have a yearning to spend the night at a hotel-”

“Really don’t.” Rory confirmed without hesitation. “I was already stressing over finding a decent one that wouldn’t cost me and arm and a leg for what I suspect would have to be two rooms...”

“Well, my place only has one bedroom, but the couch folds out into a bed too, so you two could both have your own space. I just figured it might be easier and a little more homey.”

“Sounds wonderful, thank you so much, Jess.”

“You’re welcome, you know that. Now, you requested a subject change, so let me tell you about this absolutely irretrievably awful manuscript we had to ditch today...”

It was good to hear her laugh and know he was helping in any small way at all. There wasn’t much that Jess could think of that could ever matter more in his life than Rory and her happiness.

“So, what do you say?”

“I say Jess is a really stand-up guy, but then, I knew that already.” Noah shrugged his shoulders. “You’re too smart to go out with a loser or an idiot.”

There was a very awkward pause after he finished speaking, that Rory didn’t know how to fill and didn’t dare to try. After all, they were talking in terms of Noah meeting up with his father in New York, and Rory honestly couldn’t think of more apt words for Logan than loser and idiot right in that moment. Except for maybe jerk or dick or some of the more colourful things she had heard from Jess and even her mom on that subject. Shaking her head, she shifted gears before she accidentally said something out loud that she shouldn’t.

“So, Jess said there’s only one bedroom, but the couch folds out, so I figured you could take the bed, and I-”

“You?” Noah frowned hard. “Uh, you’re coming to New York with me?”

“Oh. I’m not coming to New York with you?” Rory checked, feeling strange. “I didn’t... I mean, I guess I just assumed.”

She honestly wasn’t sure what to feel about that. Replaying pieces of conversations, most especially the one that Noah and Logan had on the phone with her listening in in silence, Rory realised that, at no point had anyone, including herself, said she would be escorting Noah to New York. He had, apparently, assumed he was going it alone.

Rory wasn’t sure she could forbid it, or maybe she could, but wasn’t sure why she would. He made it there alone once before and managed not to get into trouble. She supposed he could do it again, just the same, without her really having to worry.

“I’m sorry, Mom, I never thought about it that way. I mean, obviously, if you really wanna come... I just figured, the way things are with you guys, you probably wouldn’t wanna see him and-”

“I don’t want to see him, not really.” She shook her head firmly. “Mostly, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t want to see me. Probably kind of a mutual thing. I just thought you would want me to be there, you know, at homebase or whatever, just in case you needed anything, but you’re right. You know, you’re getting older now. Fifteen next birthday and, and totally capable and...”

“Mom.”

She hadn’t realised quite how much she was rambling, and certainly hadn’t noticed the tears building in her eyes, until Noah’s hand on her arm made her look at his face and she saw he was suddenly blurry.

“Wow, what is even wrong with me?”

“Nothing,” Noah assured her, shaking his head firmly. “You’re the best mom in the world of ever, okay? There is zero wrong with you, and regardless of Jess’ advice about violence not solving anything, I would knock the crap out of anybody who ever said there was something wrong with you.”

Rory couldn’t help the burst of strangled laughter that escaped her lips. “Jess told you violence was never the answer?”

Noah nodded. “I’m guessing that’s a ‘marvel at the irony’ kind of thing?

“Kind of,” she agreed. “He got into one or two altercations in the old days.”

“Yeah, well, if they were over you, I’m not sure I could blame him. Like I said, you’re the best, it’s just that...” His smile faded as he stumbled over the next few words. “I just think that me and my dad, that should be a separate thing. Given how you guys feel about each other, you know? And I get that you were just going to be, like, moral support and not even come along when I meet up with the guy, but...”

“But you’d like it better if I stayed in Stars Hollow while you go do your big city meeting with your dad by yourself.” Rory sighed. “I get it,” she promised him then. “I really, really do. I completely understand where you’re coming from and I swear I am okay with it. Just so long as you promise to call me, regularly, and also, you be super careful while you’re out there on your own, okay, Mister?”

“You know I will,” he told her. “Both things, I swear.”

He raised his hand in salute, like the boy scout he used to be a few years back, and Rory smiled her fondest smile at him. What else could she possibly do?

Jess wasn’t the type of person to live in any kind of squalor, at least, not since the time in his life when he didn’t have too much of a choice, anyway. That being said, he wasn’t exactly jazzed by housework and had to admit he wasn’t the world’s most regular vacuum user.

When he got to his place that morning, after a weekend away in Philly, he still wasn’t enthused about cleaning, but knowing that he had promised Rory and Noah the use of his place in a couple of weeks’ time made him contemplate some serious scrubbing.

The kitchen was small and mostly clean, but the cabinets probably had a few things in the back that ought to be tossed out. The bathroom wasn’t so bad, but in the bedroom, he figured maybe a new set of the sheets for the bed wouldn’t be a bad thing.

Plus, he really should finish organising his books onto the shelves instead of the piles he had on the floor. It was more tidying than cleaning that had to be done, but Jess really wanted to make it a priority in the next couple of weeks before Rory and Noah came to stay.

“Huh.” Jess looked quickly to his cell when it rang, unsure whether to be amused or worried by the fact it was Noah calling. “Hello?”

“Hey, Jess. It’s Noah. I guess you got that already.”

“I did. Something I can help you with? Your mom is okay, right?”

He immediately felt stupid for asking, sure he would’ve heard from some other source if anything was wrong with Rory. Also, Noah was bound to sound a lot more upset or panicked than he actually did if that was the case. Still, he felt better for hearing all was good.

“She’s fine. She misses you being around,” Noah confirmed. “Not that she told me that but, you know, I can tell.”

Jess sat down on the couch with a smile on his face. “Well, for what it’s worth, I miss her too, but I should be back in the Hollow tomorrow. Is that why you called, to check when I was coming back?” he asked, still a little confused about the call.

“Kind of. Not really,” he confessed then, sounding every kind of awkward. “I just, uh, I don’t know, as much as I love Mom, this whole thing with my dad is... You’re easier to talk to than most people, you know, on this subject, mostly.”

“Always happy to listen if you need an ear, buddy, you know that,” Jess assured him. “You having second thoughts about the meeting you guys set up?”

“Yes and no.” Noah sighed in his ear. “It’s, like, I absolutely want to see him and talk to him, ask him all the questions that have been building up into this huge list over the last ten years or whatever, but at the same time... It’s kind of like what I said before. I wanna know him, but I also don’t want to, because he doesn’t deserve me to want to. Pretty stupid, huh?”

“Not stupid at all,” Jess promised. “Come on, you know that I get it. I felt exactly the same about Jimmy when I was your age. I spent years wondering where he was, what he looked like, if we would get along. I had a long list of questions too, just like you have, and at the same time, I hated him for leaving like he did. It’s a whole mess of emotions, Noah, that nobody can really fix. What I can tell you is, for me, it got a whole lot easier after I actually met Jimmy and had a chance to finally work through all the issues, instead of just pushing them into a box in my head, not knowing what to do with them all.

“Now, that doesn’t automatically mean that you’re going to feel a hundred percent better for spending time with Logan. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll end up with a great relationship, or it could go the other way and you might never want to see him again-”

“And you think it’ll be that last one, right? You think I’ll hate him?”

Jess fought the urge to say it was what he expected, because Huntzberger was a dick, or that he almost hoped it would be true, because that would be easier for Rory. This was about Noah and only Noah. He had to remember that.

“I have no idea if you and Logan will get along,” he said eventually, and as honestly as he could. “Personally, I was never his biggest fan, but then, he wasn’t eager to show me the best side of himself. To him, I was competition for your mom’s attention. Nobody is going to appreciate that. I know I never did.”

There was a fairly long pause before Noah spoke again.

“You think he’ll actually make an effort because it’s me? Because I’m his son?”

“He will if he has any kind of brain in his head,” Jess told him easily. “I know he hasn’t done the right thing so far, but like they say, there’s a first time for everything. If you don’t give him a real chance, you’ll never know for sure.”

“I guess that’s true.” Noah sighed heavily. “I mean, you and your dad get along now, right?”

“We do, but we also live a few thousand miles apart, so we don’t get a lot of chances to drive each other crazy.”

Noah laughed at that, which had been Jess’ intention.

“Look, man, I can’t tell you exactly what will happen with you and your dad. All I know is, you’re a great person, and if your father doesn’t see that, then it’ll be his loss. At least you’ll always have your mom and your grandparents and everybody in the Hollow and, you know, me too, if you want.”

“That’s cool. Thanks, Jess.”

“You’re more than welcome.”

Chapter Text

“Geez, if I’d known the homecoming would be like this, I’d have come back sooner.”

Jess laughed, his arms full of Rory, who was every inch the girl he fell in love with, and just about as excited to see him as she had been sometimes at the age of seventeen or so.

“Hey, I could be not happy to see you. I actually don’t think you would appreciate that, Mr Snarky Pants.”

“Mr Snarky Pants? Really?” he asked, smirking yet.

“You heard what I said,” she countered, right before he kissed her and she kissed back. “Hey.”

“Hey, yourself,” he replied, their arms still tight around each other. “You know half this crazy town is staring at us right now, don’t you?”

“I would expect nothing less,” she said, not even glancing away at all. “Of course, if we went back to my place, we’d have some privacy...”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He kissed her again, choosing to be as unaffected by prying eyes as she was, at least for a little bit. “Let me dump my bags upstairs, then we’ll go, okay?”

“Sounds good,” Rory agreed, breathlessly, smiling so wide, just because he was there.

Jess had never thought it could be that way again, not after everything. That she could be so thrilled just to have him around, that she could miss him so much after only a weekend away, that she could love him the way she seemed to thirty years before.

It was stupid to wonder about it or to think it was strange. After all, he still felt the same way about her, three decades on. In fact, it it were possible, he almost believed he loved her more.

Ten minutes later, back at her place, he tried not to feel self-conscious as she all but dragged him upstairs to her bedroom. Passing by Noah’s room on the way gave him all kinds of uncomfortable feelings, but of course, he knew the kid was in school. Besides, he was old enough to know what happened when adults were in a relationship, and still, he had approved Jess asking Rory out, without pause.

“Jess?” Rory tried for his attention and got it back in an instant, of course.

“Sorry. I’ve never been up here before. It’s... classy.”

“Well, thank you,” she said, smiling up at him from the bed, “but weirdly, I didn’t invite you up here for commentary on my decor.”

“You didn’t?” he checked, deliberately too serious. “Then what did you want me up here for, Ms Gilmore?”

“Come here, Mr Mariano, and I’ll show you,” she said, grabbing his shirt and pulling him down on top of her.

Jess went more than willingly.

Thrilled as she was to have Jess back in Stars Hollow, and willing as she was to abandon her work assignments for the day too, Rory was absolutely determined to be dressed and presentable a good while before her son got home from school. Besides, spending time in bed with her boyfriend was wonderful, but there was supposed to be a lot more to their relationship than that. There definitely was more, obviously, and thankfully, they had enough time to talk about some of those things, in the living room, with food and coffee and sensible stuff like that, before Noah finally arrived back at the house.

“Hey, Mom” he called as he let himself in.

“Hey, honey. How was school?”

“Normal, the same,” he said, with a shrug she could hear, even if she couldn’t see him yet. “Except that Macy Daniels lost it when Robbie Presby tried to-, oh, hey, Jess,” he said, nodding in his general direction when he finally got as far as the living room. “I didn’t know you were here yet.”

“Got in this morning” Jess explained. “But I can get out of your hair if-”

“No, it’s cool. Uh, I should probably go do the homework thing.”

“Actually, you think you could come sit down for a minute?” Rory asked, knowing that if she didn’t just say what needed to be said, she might lose her nerve later.

“Is something wrong?” Noah asked, side-eyeing first her and then Jess, as he dumped his back and dropped into the armchair across from where they were sharing the couch. “Am I in some kind of trouble?”

“Why would you ask that?” said Rory, just a little worried that something had happened that she didn’t know about.

“Because, to quote Grandma Lorelai, you guys have ‘serious face.’”

That made Jess smirk and Rory roll her eyes. “People are allowed to be serious and not be mad, Noah. You know this,” she told him, just a little aggravated, but sure that it wasn’t really her son’s fault, only the nerves starting to get to her. “Okay, so, as you know, Jess and I have been seeing each other. As you also know, it’s not the first time. We dated a long time ago, so now, even though it’s only been a couple of weeks since we reconnected, it’s, um... well, things have progressed more quickly than a relationship would between two people who only just met.”

She was squirming horribly, Rory was well aware. Replaying her own words back in her head, she also realised that she was sailing very close to accidentally making her son think she and Jess were trying to tell him they were having sex. They were, obviously, and there was a good chance her smart fourteen-year-old had figured that out already, but it absolutely was not what she wanted to discuss!

“I think what your mom is trying to say,” said Jess then, “and you can jump in and tell me if I’m completely off-base,” he assured Rory, before returning his eyes to Noah, “is that the two of us, well, we’re serious about each other. I think you probably realised by now that I love Rory, and that I have for a really long time. Luckily, she loves me too, so that’s pretty cool. At least, I think so.”

Rory gave him a genuine smile when he glanced at her, then all their attention went to Noah. To his credit, he didn’t look all that weirded out. Maybe a little, but what kid of his age wouldn’t, honestly?

“It’s cool if you love each other,” he said after a minute. “Like you said, kind of figured that was what was going on. Thirty years, I mean, that’s more than twice as long as I’ve been alive. Mostly, I’m wondering what took you so long.”

“That would be a long and complicated story,” said Rory, shaking her head, “and maybe someday, we’ll tell you more about it, but for now, we don’t want to focus on the past. We want to look to the future.”

“And when she says we, that’s all three of us,” Jess was quick to say. “Not just me and your mom, but you too. It’s like I told you before, Noah, you are your mom’s number one priority, always. I want you to be. I swear, I’m perfectly happy being a really close second.”

“Which you absolutely are,” said Rory, reaching for his hand and squeezing it. “But Jess is right about our future being all together or not at all. Whatever happens with the two of us, we always want to know you are okay with it. If you’re not happy about something, speak up. We want to know, really.”

His expression on hearing that was a strange one and Rory suddenly worried that their kind gesture might have been badly worded or maybe just badly thought out. Was it a good thing that they wanted to let him have his say on everything? Was it possibly way too much pressure for a kid to handle?

“So, are you, like, moving in with us?” Noah asked, his expression so awkward, that Rory actually wasn’t sure what his opinion on that idea would be, if it were pitched.

“I’m not,” Jess confirmed. “I don’t know if that might happen someday, but as much as we don’t want to waste anymore time, we also recognised that would probably be a leap too far, too soon.”

“We have our lives, and Jess has his,” Rory continued from there. “As much as we both can mostly work from wherever we are, he will need to be in New York sometimes, and would probably prefer his own space even when he’s here, just like we would.”

“Sure, that makes sense.” Noah nodded, the evident relief on his face making Rory even more glad about the decision she and Jess already made for themselves as well as her son. “But you’re going to be around more, right? Living over the diner?”

“I’m looking to make Stars Hollow more of a base for myself, yeah,” Jess agreed. “For now, that’ll be over Luke’s, and then, maybe I’ll move someplace else in town. I don’t know yet, but when I do, you and your mom will be the first people I tell.”

“Cool,” said Noah, squirming just a little still. “So, you’ll be here, you guys will date or whatever, and if anything changes, you’ll tell me. That about it?”

Rory considered his summary and realised it was a very succinct but accurate one. “I guess it is.”

“So, can I go do my homework now?”

Jess coughed to cover a laugh that was so obvious to Rory, but possibly not to Noah, and she resisted the urge to smack him in the shoulder. It wasn’t funny, she knew it wasn’t, and yet she supposed she could see why he was so amused. She had been making such a big deal, all afternoon, about this serious talk they had to have with Noah about the future and what Jess being in their lives would mean for them. All that worry and he was taking it so very well. Rory wasn’t sure why she ever expected anything else. Apparently, Jess hadn’t at all.

“Uh, yeah, I guess you can go do your homework, if you want.”

“More of a need than a want, but still.” Noah rolled his eyes, then moved to get up.

“I did actually have one other thing I wanted to say, if you have the time?” Jess checked then.

Noah sank back into the chair and waited.

“It’s just what you said about me and your mom going on dates. I mean, we will do that, because we want to spend time alone together, but I was also thinking maybe we could all spend time together too. You know, hanging out here, or going to whatever places you like.”

They had talked about that possibility too, Rory and Jess, when they were alone, but she hadn’t been quite ready for how it would make her feel when he made the offer to her son so earnestly. Jess wanted to get to know her kid. He wanted to spend real time with him, doing the things that Noah enjoyed. It occurred to her a little too late that he didn’t really go that many places or do that many things. He was kind of a homebody, with the reading and the movie watching and the music appreciation, for the most part.

“You really want to do that?” Noah checked, eyes narrowing just a little as he stared at Jess. “For real?”

“I do.” Jess nodded, honest as the day was long, Rory knew. “And not just because I feel like I should or I have to, or whatever you might be thinking. I’m serious, I want to do this, but at the same time, if you don’t-”

“I don’t mind.” Noah shrugged. “I mean, we can hang out, talk, watch movies, whatever. I don’t go that many places for fun, not least because it’s Stars Hollow, you know? But I guess you could come to the batting cages sometime, if you want.”

“Luke takes him there sometimes,” Rory explained when Jess looked momentarily bemused.

“Sure, that’d be cool.”

A minute later and Noah was insisting he really should get to his homework and disappearing upstairs. Rory let out a breath she hardly knew she had been holding and noticed Jess doing much the same thing, as he sank into the couch cushions beside her.

“Batting cages,” he said, looking over at her then. “Really?”

“You knew that Luke was into baseball and softball and everything, right?”

“Kind of, maybe?” Jess shook his head. “If I did, it didn’t stick.”

“I actually think it was just the only thing he could think of by way of physical activity that he could convince my kid to do. You know how he always worried about my mom and me, with the way we eat and everything. It was a good bonding thing for them, and Noah’s actually pretty good. I sometimes wish that his school had a team, but then, I’m not really sure he would want that. He’s not exactly a loner, but he’s very picky about who he hangs out with.”

“Discerning taste, like his mom.”

Rory gave Jess a look. “If my taste was that discerning...”

She stopped short of completing that sentence when she realised there was no way to end it well. Of course, Jess had to take it the wrong way.

“You wouldn’t be with me?” he tried to finish what she wouldn’t.

“So not what I was thinking!” she said immediately, reaching to put her arms around him. “Jess, come on, you know I would never say that. I would never even think it. What I was thinking was, well, if my taste was so discerning, I never would’ve been with Logan, most especially that last time,” she told him in a whisper. “I just feel bad saying it because it sounds like I regret what happened, and maybe I do, in a way, but I never could in another, because then I wouldn’t have Noah.”

“Nobody would ever believe that you regret having Noah,” said Jess firmly, pulling her close and kissing her forehead. “Not him and certainly not me. So his dad is a dick. He’s not the first kid with that problem and he won’t be the last. He’s here for a reason and, thankfully, he’s a lot more like you than Logan.”

“Nurture beating out nature maybe?”

“Maybe.” Jess shrugged, holding her close in his arms as they lounged on the couch together. “God knows how I turned out this way. Neither part of the nature in me is exactly good product, and as for the nurture, until Luke...”

Rory sighed and hugged him tighter. “I know. You didn’t have the best start, but look at you now. Maybe no matter the nature or the nurture, anybody can turn things around if they really want to. You’re living proof of the good that can come out of a bad situation.”

“You say the sweetest things, Gilmore,” he told her, smirking.

Jokes were easier sometimes, and he always did have a tendency to hide behind them when things got serious. Just this once, Rory was going to let him, because he really had been amazing with Noah. That, and she was just so glad to have him home, where he belonged.

Chapter Text

In the two weeks that followed Jess’ return to the Hollow, things really settled into a rhythm. Staying in the diner apartment, with Luke’s blessing, Jess worked for Truncheon via a better-than-expected internet connection, and helped out down in the diner itself when he needed a break or they needed a hand. Most of the time, he ate dinner with Rory and Noah, or sometimes Luke and Lorelai, and on one occasion, they all got together on a Sunday for a real family meal.

Rory and Jess had been on a couple of dates, and Jess had joined the kid and Luke at the batting cages, as well accompanying Noah to see a movie that Rory had no interest in herself.

Just about everybody seemed surprisingly happy to have Jess Mariano back in town, which maybe wasn’t quite so weird as it would’ve been at one time. After all, he wasn’t the punk kid who pulled fire alarms and messed up the town princess’ first romance anymore. It had been a long time, but Jess considered himself a respectable part of the community these days, and so woven into the fabric of the insane asylum that was Stars Hollow, he kind of had to be accepted, just because.

“You just fit right in here now, almost as if you never left at all,” said Babette, shaking her head as if in some kind of wonderment. “I gotta tell ya, I never saw that coming.”

“And you’ve matured so well,” said Miss Patty with a sigh, literally drooling into her pudding. “Oh, if I were ten years younger.”

“You’d still be old enough to be his grandmother,” Babette told her, with a cackle of a laughter and an elbow poked into her friend’s side.

Then they were both laughing, though Jess wasn’t entirely sure Miss Patty knew why. Still, he couldn’t help but smile. They really were the craziest old broads, but he didn’t hate knowing they considered him part of their town now. Jess honestly wasn’t sure why he had fought it for so long. He ought to have known, decades before, that they were going to get him eventually.

Taking the dirty dishes and cups he had collected back behind the counter, he dumped them in the kitchen, then returned just in time to see Noah coming into the diner. The kid came straight up to the counter and pulled himself up on a stool.

“Hey.”

“Hey. School let out early today?” he asked, checking his watch, even though he was pretty sure he knew the time already.

“Last period was cancelled. Ms. James bailed... again.” Noah rolled his eyes.

Jess recalled Rory and Noah had mentioned the perpetually absent teacher to him at some point. Apparently, it was becoming so ridiculous that even the kids were complaining about missing out on learning time, and the parents were thinking of going mob-handed to talk with the principal about her.

“I wouldn’t mind so much, but even when she shows up to class, she’s just not a good teacher,” Noah explained, rifling around in his bag for something as yet unfound. “If anybody does anything she doesn’t like, she takes it so personally. I swear, she cries more than early seasons Usagi. That is not normal, but you can’t exactly tell a teacher she needs to see a therapist, you know?”

“Right.” Jess nodded, even if he hadn’t quite understood the reference Noah made and was more than a little distracted by the continued bag-digging that was going on. “You want something to eat or...?”

“Just a soda, thanks,” said Noah, finally looking victorious when he found what he was looking for.

Jess smiled on realising it was a book. Noah really was Rory’s son. Turning away to get the soda, when he finally placed the glass in front of Noah, Jess could see he was deep in concentration on his reading. It seemed better just to leave him be, though Jess did wonder why the kid wouldn’t just go home to read. The diner was a decent place to hang out if there was nowhere else to go, but Noah had a house and a room of his own, with no real distractions at all.

A part of him wanted to ask. Jess itched to stick his nose into Noah’s business, ask if something was wrong, if he had a fight with his mom or whatever. It didn’t seem likely, since Rory would probably have said something. Besides, everything was fine last night, and Noah had been in school all day.

Then, Jess started to worry that maybe the teen hadn’t been to school at all, or maybe he skipped out early and there really wasn’t an issue with the teacher. He could be going through a bullying thing, or stressing over a girl, or feeling pressured by other kids to smoke or drink or steal...

“Jess?”

“What?” he started at the sound of his name, blinking hard and realising that Noah was looking at him as if he had three heads. “What’s up?”

“That’s what I was gonna ask you. You’re staring at me like you expect me to explode or something, and this lady asked you twice already for coffee and doughnuts.”

Noah tilted his head towards the woman beside him and Jess shifted focus, apologising to the customer and taking her order without delay. When that was done, he glanced back at Noah and found he had closed his book. In fact, he was returning the favour from before and staring at Jess now.

“Because turnabout is fair play?” he guessed.

Noah shook his head. “No, I was just thinking... but it doesn’t matter,” he concluded, sighing and moving to open up the book again.

“Hey,” Jess intervened, setting his hand lightly on the cover, until the kid looked at him. “What’s up, Noah?”

There was something, he just knew there was. As a former troubled teen, he really ought to know the signs. Not that Jess wanted there to be any trouble of any kind in Noah’s life, but if there was, he absolutely wanted to help him out with it.

“I was just thinking,” he started again then, “when I go to New York this weekend to see my dad, you think you’d wanna be there?”

Jess tried desperately not to squirm. “Uh, well, me and your dad-”

“I don’t mean be there when I see him,” Noah clarified fast. “I know you guys don’t get along, and even if you did, that would just make everything a million times weirder than they already are. I just meant that maybe you could be in New York?” he tried, looking hopeful and also about seven or eight years younger than he actually was, all within five seconds. “I’m staying at your place, so it would make sense if you were there too, right? I mean, you don’t have to, obviously. I can go by myself, and I get if you wanna stay here with Mom, ‘cause with me out of the house-”

“Hey, you want me in New York with you, then that’s where I’ll be,” Jess cut in without pause, absolutely certain about what he was saying, not even needing to consider another option. “I guess I’m just a little surprised you don’t want your mom there.”

Noah sighed heavily and pushed a hand back through his hair. “It’s not that I don’t want her there exactly, or maybe it is. Like I told her, it’s just easier to keep Mom and Dad separated, you know?”

Jess smiled at that, thinking immediately of Liz and Jimmy and mess it would make for everyone if they had to be in close proximity. “I do know, actually.”

“I figured you would.” Noah smiled back at him. “So, you wanna come to New York with me?”

“Sure.” Jess nodded. “I can absolutely do that.”

“Thanks, Jess.”

“No problem, buddy.”

“Did my grandson just run out of here because he saw me coming?” asked Lorelai, looking a little serious in her question.

Jess frowned and shook his head. “Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know. He’s a little moody lately,” she explained, shrugging her shoulders as she craned her neck to see Noah disappearing down the street. “Of course, I’d be a little moody too if I knew I had to go spend time with Logan Huntzberger this weekend.”

The face she made was one that Jess well-understood. He could quite easily look just as disgusted if someone told him he had to be around a person he despised too. That being said, he really couldn’t think why Lorelai might ever have thought she had anything to do with her grandson’s strange mood.

“You really thought Noah was mad at you about something?”

“Well, no,” she considered. “I don’t know. I was always the cool mom, but it is way harder trying to pull off cool grandma, you know?”

“I think you do okay.” Jess shrugged.

That made her smile, though not quite in the way he intended. “Wow, high praise. Jess Mariano thinks I do okay? I feel so vindicated.”

Sarcasm aplenty often came out of Lorelai’s mouth, and never more so than when she was around Jess, he had found. Not that he took offence anymore, since he was 99% sure she didn’t mean to cause any, not this go-around. Of course, that didn’t mean he wouldn’t rise to the bait just a little.

“I could print you off a certificate of approval, if you want. Wouldn’t take a second,” he told her, completely deadpan, reaching for his laptop that he had stashed under the counter.

“No, that’s okay. I can see how busy you are here,” she snarked right back, given that the diner was next to dead all of a sudden. “A little coffee with the banter, please?”

“Coming right up.” He grabbed the pot and the largest of large cups to fill for her, as always. “Actually, Noah was in here to ask me if I would go with him to New York this weekend.”

As soon as he said it, Jess wondered why he had. If there was anybody he should be talking to about this, it was probably Rory. For himself, he might have talked to Luke about it, because his uncle was always good for perspective, advice, all of that good stuff. In his absence, since he was out meeting with (read: arguing with) suppliers today, there was Lorelai, but Jess couldn’t really have said why he suddenly chose to confide in her.

“Wow. He picked you over Rory,” she said, looking thoughtful as she sipped at her coffee. “Actually, that makes a lot of sense, you know, in this specific circumstance.”

“Huh.” Jess really hadn’t been expecting that.

“Come on, you have to see why,” she said, shaking her head. “Rory is the best, you know that as well as I do, but her absent father wasn’t so entirely absent. She knew who he was, she had some understanding of why he wasn’t a constant in her life. I’m not sure she ever fully felt as if she missed out that way. You, on the other hand, got the really, really short end on fathers, my friend, and so did Noah.”

“I can’t argue with that.” Jess shrugged. “Not that I’m gonna be so hard on Jimmy as to put him in the same category as Huntzberger.”

“Logan is a really special kind of asshat,” said Lorelai, so seriously that Jess couldn’t help but laugh. “Hey, tell me you wouldn’t love to grab that guy by his-”

“I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve a kick to the head” said Jess quickly and quietly, leaning closer so she could hear but no-one else could. “But for everybody’s sake, even if I do accidentally come face-to-face with him, I’ll play nice. At least for as long as he does, which probably wouldn’t be long, if I was there.”

Lorelai smiled like the Cheshire Cat at that. “Oh my God, I almost want him to find out you’re there and make a big deal, so you can sock him in the mouth.”

“You’re getting violent in your old age, Aunt Lorelai,” he teased her, more amused than ever by the way her mouth felt open wide.

“Old age? Just when I was starting to like you, Mariano.”

“More coffee?” he said then, proffering the pot and smirking terribly.

Lorelai huffed and muttered, but nonetheless held out her cup.

Jess said nothing more, just went ahead and attended to the other customers that had since come in looking for service.

Chapter Text

“And what time did he say he would be back?”

Jess sighed into the phone. “Rory, for the hundredth time, Noah didn’t know what time he would be back, because he didn’t know what plans Logan had made for the two of them. Like I said, he promised he would check in, and the last text I had was a couple of hours ago, saying they were going to dinner. I’m guessing that means he won’t be much longer.”

“You guess but you don’t know.”

“No, I don’t know,” he confirmed, wishing to God that he did, just to take that note of worry out of her voice. “Come on, Rory, as much as I can’t stand your ex, and you know I can’t, Noah is safe with the guy. If nothing else, the kid is too smart to do anything stupid or go anywhere crazy with anyone, even his own father. He knows how much you would worry and Noah is not that kid.”

He hoped she believed him. Jess also hoped he wasn’t inadvertently putting awful ideas into Rory’s head while trying to keep her calm and sensible. She did have a tendency to worry about people she loved to the nth degree, and Jess knew her son was top of the list for both love and worry, as he should be. In the end, all Jess was ever trying to do was help. He just didn’t always feel as if he was achieving that.

“I know,” said Rory, at last. “I do know that Noah is most likely fine and that I shouldn’t be so freaked out about him spending the day with Logan, but I can’t help it. When you have a kid, it’s just... It’s so hard to explain.”

“I get it,” Jess assured her, even though they both knew he didn’t really know what it was to be a parent, only a stand-in. “But I promise you, the second Noah gets home, I will let you know, and if for some reason he’s not here in the next hour, I’ll call him and see what’s going on, okay?”

The moment he said it, Jess almost wished he hadn’t made that last promise. Calling Noah when he was out with Logan seemed destined to make untold trouble, but for Rory’s sake, he would do it. She seemed determined not to try to make contact herself, having more or less promised her son that she would allow him to keep her and Logan as separate entities in his life. Her decision, as well as Noah’s request that Jess be there in New York with him, put an awful lot on Jess’ shoulders, but he figured he could handle it. He loved them too much not to try his utmost.

“Thank you,” said Rory in his ear then, with a sigh that sounded more relieved than frustrated now - that could only be a good thing. “Jess, you do know how much I appreciate-”

“I know,” he told her fast, really not needing to hear it again. “I love you, okay?”

“I love you too,” she promised, with a smile he could just hear somehow.

They said their goodbyes and rang off then, Jess checking the time on his cell screen right after. It was a little after 9:00, not so very late in real terms, but he supposed that he understood why Rory was worrying after Noah. Logan Huntzberger had a rep for dumb choices and dumber stunts, they all knew that. If he decided to get crazy in trying to impress Noah, there was no telling where they might be or how late dinner might run.

Getting up from the couch, Jess considered heading for the door, then stopped at the last moment. If he went looking for them, where would he even start? If he found them, what would be his excuse for showing up? Besides, a confrontation between him and Huntzberger could only end badly. Hadn’t he and Lorelai talked about the likelihood of Rory’s ex getting a much deserved punch in the face if either one of them ever saw him in person again?

Jess rubbed at his forehead, sure he was going to have the mother of all headaches before long, if he didn’t calm the hell down. He was worrying for Rory’s sake, obviously, but he had to admit, he was worrying for Noah too. It wasn’t hard to love the kid, partly because he was born of Rory, but at the same time, just because he was such a good kid that, strangely, reminded Jess a little of himself sometimes. The better parts, thank God, but either way, it was odd.

Maybe it was Luke’s influence in both their lives, Jess considered. After all, the way people turned out was supposed to be as much nurture as nature. Jess knew damn well he was the man he was today because of the way Luke had helped him in the teen years and after. Noah had no father in his life to speak of, no biological grandfather either, but had clearly looked to his Grandpa Luke for guidance and support.

“What would he do if he were here now?” Jess asked himself out loud, almost considering calling his uncle to ask, when suddenly, the door buzzer sounded.

Jess rushed to pick up, sighing with relief himself when he heard Noah on the other end.

“It’s me.”

“Get up here,” Jess grumbled, letting him inside.

He had to take a couple of calming breaths before the kid got as far as the apartment door and shuffled in, looking sheepish.

“Sorry I didn’t text anymore, my phone died,” he explained, showing Jess the black screen. “I swear I thought it was on full when I headed out, but apparently not.”

“It happens.” Jess shrugged, determined not to make too big of a deal.

After all, Noah had a big day, maybe the biggest of his life so far, in a lot of ways. The first real day he had spent with his father. That couldn’t be shrugged off as nothing at all, Jess knew. He remembered all too well the time when he finally got to know his own dad, and he had been four years older himself, a little more ready to deal perhaps.

“So...” said Jess, watching Noah as he shucked off his jacket and plugged in his phone to charge.

“So...” the kid echoed back, not even turning to look at him.

That seemed significant to Jess. The two of them were getting on so great in the last few weeks, like real friends or something. Even this morning, when Noah was headed out to meet up with Logan, he had told Jess how much appreciated that he was there with him, going so far as to almost look like he wanted to hug him or something. In the end, it hadn’t happened, but he certainly seemed to have no problem talking candidly with Jess, being comfortable and all. Now, he was skittish and strange. That seemed like a reason to worry.

“Uh, I have to text your mom.”

That certainly got the kid’s attention, the question in his eyes before he could ever get the word ‘Why?’ out of his mouth.

“She just wanted to know when you were home safe, and she didn’t like to call you when you were with-”

“I get it.” Noah nodded, sitting down on the couch with a bump, looking tired in a way that didn’t seem to reflect a day well spent in fun.

Jess moved his eyes back to his cell while he hammered out a text, letting Rory know her son was back, safe and sound, and everything was fine. Maybe that last part was a stretch. Jess was almost certain it absolutely was, but since Noah had no physical injuries and wasn’t actively crying or anything, he figured he wasn’t exactly lying when he wrote those words. Besides, he needed Rory not to panic. If there were things that needed to be discussed later, that was fine. For now, Jess had a feeling that he and Noah were in this one together, with no help from Mom.

‘Thank you for letting me know :)’ was Rory’s reply, received in record time after Jess’ own message.

Satisfied that she was okay, Jess shoved his cell in his pocket, and looked back at Noah. Maybe he wasn’t so okay, though how that conversation was to be breached, Jess wasn’t a hundred percent sure.

“So,” he began again, realising too late they were really overusing that word. “I know you said you were going to dinner before, but I also know how Gilmores are about food. You hungry?” he checked, tilting his head as he stared at Noah.

“No, I’m not,” the kid replied, though he was looking off to the side a little, not entirely paying attention.

Jess fought to urge to sigh heavily, walking over to the couch and sitting down next to Noah.

“You wanna tell me about it?”

He figured it was better than demanding to know what was going on, but a little more straight of a question that asking if Noah had a good time. He was already pretty sure that he hadn’t, or if he had, that the day had not ended so well. Something was up, that much was plain, and Jess only hoped he could help. Of course, for him to do that, he had to know what happened first.

The long silence that stretched out between the two of them seemed to imply that Noah didn’t want to share. Just when Jess was beginning to think he was going to have to ask again, or maybe even get Rory involved, Noah spoke up, at last.

“Grandpa Luke would never be that way.”

Jess frowned at the unexpected non-sequitur, but he didn’t ask for more information right away. Any line of questioning he took up was bound to sound accusatory, and that couldn’t help anybody. So, he waited, bit down hard on his lip, and watched Noah closely as he found his own way to explain what happened.

“I just kept thinking, all the way home, ‘Grandpa Luke would never have just expected me to get home by myself.’ I mean, sure, in Stars Hollow, because everything is barely ten blocks apart, and also, its Stars Hollow, but this is New York, and the subway, and, and obviously, I was fine and I was always pretty sure I would be, but don’t most dads...? I mean, if it were you...”

He looked at Jess with troubled eyes then, nothing like close to crying, but just so troubled, so confused. Like he was second-guessing what he was saying, what he was even thinking, and truly didn’t know if he was right or wrong.

“Logan sent you back here alone, on the subway, in the dark?” Jess checked, trying desperately not to let any anger seep into the question, which did not come easy.

Noah nodded his head. “We had to cut dinner short. He got a call and, and I don’t know who it was or what it was about, he never really explained, just said he had to go. That he was sorry, but he had to go. He gave me some money, told me to find my way back. ‘You’re cool with that, right, champ?’”

The way he mimicked his father was almost eerily accurate, from what little Jess remembered of the blond dick, but he also noted there was no shortage of venom in the way Noah quoted Huntzberger. He was mad about what happened, and as far as Jess was concerned, he had every right to be. Not that he was saying so, not yet anyway.

“Honestly, he’s been on his cell all day,” Noah continued, fingers twisting together and parting, over and over, in that same habit that Rory had, always born out of nervous energy, frustration, or both. “Calls and messages, all the time. He asked me questions, but he hardly ever heard any of the answers, at least, I’m pretty sure he didn’t. He kept on apologising when he got distracted, but after the first ten or twenty times, it started to sound like it was just something that he said, you know? Not something he meant, just like a standard phrase he said all the time, to everybody, just because.

“I guess it was cool that I got to see some of the sights of the city, and dinner was pretty good, even if we never did get as far as dessert before he had to leave. I just wanted to, to be able to say I met my father and got to know him, that’s all, and everything I learned today, or most of it, anyway, it’s just... it’s just...”

When his voice started to crack, Jess felt something in his own chest break too. The poor kid just wanted to know his father. More than that, he had held onto a hope that he could get a dad out of this whole thing. There was a difference between a father and a dad, Jess was more than aware, because as much as Jimmy was his father and a genuinely decent human these days, it was Luke who had been ‘dad’ in Jess’ life. Not in name or blood, but by just being that guy, the one that he turned to when he needed someone, the one that was there for him even when he almost wished he would go away.

“I don’t know why I expected anything else,” said Noah then, a strange and sad, hollow kind of a laugh escaping behind those words. “Mom can’t stand him, Grandma Lorelai and Grandpa Luke hate him too, and even though you never really said much about him, I’m not dumb. I can tell you would be totally happy if he just dropped off the face of the Earth.”

Jess opened his mouth to give some kind of reply to that, struggling horribly to find the right words.

“All I know is I’m glad that he existed in the first place, and I know your mom and your grandparents feel the same way,” he told Noah honestly, “because no matter what we feel about Logan Huntzberger now, we wouldn’t all have you in our lives without him.”

Jess wasn’t sure if he made the situation better or worse by saying what he did, but it was the only truth he could come up with that might help, even a little. It really was the truth too. As much as most people he knew wouldn’t be at all sorry if Logan Huntzberger just up and disappeared tomorrow, they could never regret his entire existence. He had one use. Half his DNA had been used to make Noah Gilmore, and the kid was worth putting up with an awful lot of crap for.

“Thanks,” said Noah then, voice hoarse and eyes misty. “You know, for saying that, but also, just for being here and everything. You’re... You know, you’re a lot like Grandpa Luke but, I don’t know, cooler, I guess.”

Jess laughed at that, he couldn’t help it. “I’ll tell him you said that. Hey, I’m kidding,” he confirmed, when Noah looked kind of freaked out. “And you’re more than welcome when it comes to me being here. As to what I said, that’s just the truth, and you don’t need to thank me for that.”

Noah nodded like he understood, even smiled a little, but the expression faded fast. His mind was going back over the events of the day, Jess was sure, that maudlin feeling of disappointment settling in, that Jess remembered all too well from his own younger days. His mom was pretty sucky as a parent, particularly back then, and each and every time he hoped that things were turning a corner in their lives, reality would smack him in the teeth and remind him his life was only ever going to be a crap pile. At least until Stars Hollow and Luke and Rory. Even then, it hadn’t been easy, but at least Jess really did feel like he started down the right path from there. He never would be where he was now if not for the shift in his life at the age of seventeen.

“So, you gonna be okay?” he asked Noah then. “I mean, did you and your father... Uh, you have any plans to see each other again?”

“Not really.” Noah shook his head. “I mean, he said he would call or whatever, that we would arrange something, when he got back from Europe. I don’t even know how long he’ll be gone, but he said he was headed out next week, and it didn’t sound like a short trip.”

Jess nodded that he understood, really wishing he had something else insightful or helpful to say, but he was coming up blank at every turn. All he really wanted to ask was if Noah was okay, but that would have been the dumbest question of all. Evidently, he was far from okay, but that was nothing anybody could fix for him. Mostly, he was probably just going to have to learn to live with the fact that his father was not ever going to be stellar dad material. It was a truth that so many before him had had to learn to bear, Jess included, and Rory too, to a certain degree.

“At least I tried,” said Noah then, rising to his feet. “I mean, I can’t exactly say he put in all the effort, but I did. Even though I was mad over what he said about my mom and everything, I did my part. It’s not my fault if he doesn’t care, right?”

“It’s absolutely not your fault,” Jess confirmed without pause. “Like I told you before any of this, if he doesn’t want to know you, it is his loss, entirely. Trust me, I know.”

That got what appeared to be a genuine, if not small smile out of the kid.

“Thanks, Jess... again,” he said, rolling his eyes at his own words. “I’m just gonna take a shower and go to bed, if that’s cool.”

“That’s cool.” Jess nodded, wishing Noah goodnight and watching him walk away, the adjoining door eventually closing between them.

Then came the moment of anger that he had been sitting on too long, that caused Jess to beat his fist into the couch cushion a few times, so hard that he worried Noah might hear and come back out to see what was going on. God, he wished he could put his fist through Huntzberger’s face, and he knew he wasn’t alone in that feeling, even before the rest of Noah’s family got to hear what had happened.

Still, violence never solved anything, and even Noah probably wouldn’t really appreciate his father ending up in the hospital because Jess beat the ever living crap out of him, no matter how much they all might think the dick deserved that fate. In the end, they were just all going to have to learn to live with the fact that Logan was just as big of an ‘asshat’ as Lorelai had said a few days ago. Of course, as bad as it was to know he didn’t want to be a part of his son’s life, Jess knew that Rory would appreciate Logan’s staying away, the same as everybody else would. Jess only hoped that Noah would see it that way in time, for his own sake more than for anyone else.

Chapter Text

Rory couldn’t concentrate. She was trying really hard and knew she ought to be focused entirely on work, but it just wasn’t happening. The last two weeks, she had hoped things would settle down. For the most part, they seemed to, but still there was this nervous energy in her that just wouldn’t quit, ever since Noah’s trip to New York to spend time with Logan.

She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting to happen. The two options had really been that Logan would surprise them all and act like a real dad, or he would be an asshole and make everything worse. The truth of the matter seemed to be somewhere in the middle, though leaning more towards the less-great end of the scale than the other.

For Noah, Rory was desperately sad. He was the best kid, in her biased opinion anyway, though she had plenty of support on that from pretty much the entire town. Anyway, he deserved to have the very best father. Instead, he had Logan, who had been absent for the better part of Noah’s first fourteen years, and now, just when it seemed like maybe he might have it in him to make an effort, he was failing.

“He hasn’t called or text or anything,” Rory had told Lane, earlier that day, the two of them sniping, like much older, nastier women than they ever intended to be, over coffee and pastries. “Nothing, not even a courtesy check-in to make sure Noah got home safe or to let him know when he might be back in the country. It’s as if he just doesn’t care at all.”

“I hate to say it, but maybe he just doesn’t.” Lane shrugged, looking pained at even having to say those words. “They call it a parental instinct, but I’m not a hundred percent sure that everybody has it, just because they made a kid. Besides, I know you loved Logan once, and that probably a part of you always will, because of Noah, but even you have to admit, he was never anything less than selfish.”

Rory really couldn’t argue with that. Even in the early days, when she and Logan met and began seeing each other, first casually, and then as a real boyfriend and girlfriend, his words were sweet, but his actions betrayed any kind of real loyalty to their relationship.

He tried, in the beginning, she was sure he did. Even later on, she did believe he was doing the best he could, at least, some of the time. When he said he loved her, he wasn’t lying to her, so much as he was lying to himself, or perhaps just bending the truth. He did love Rory, but Logan would always love himself more.

She wasn’t even sure it was entirely his fault. Given the way he was raised, or more accurately, the way he wasn’t, Logan couldn’t shoulder the entire blame for the way he was when he was young. There was nobody to teach him to be better. Not his mother, certainly not his father or grandfather. His friends were equal parts a bad influence and badly influenced themselves by Logan’s behaviour. Rory had even allowed herself to become somewhat selfish and stupid for as long as she was caught up in the world of the Huntzbergers and The Life and Death Brigade, all of that stuff.

Heaving a sigh, Rory sat back from her laptop and tossed her glasses onto the coffee table. No matter how many times she went back over what her life had been, all the time she had spent with Logan, all the time she had spent regretting him, one way or another, none of it ever did any good. As she had told Noah, quite honestly and more times than she could count, at this point, she would never, could never fully regret knowing Logan, because she would never want a life that didn’t have her son in it.

It hadn’t entirely been a surprise when he told her that Jess had said something similar to him when they were in New York. Though the sullen teen Rory had met at the age of seventeen could never had been as sweet or as open with his feelings, things were very different now. Jess had learned to open up, learned to let out all the good and vulnerable parts of himself, without being so afraid of what that might mean. It had been a long road, but he had wanted to grow and evolve, and so he had. These were not things that it had ever occurred to Logan to do. Rory almost believed he thought he was perfect already, and therefore, had no reason to even try to change.

Not that she liked to spend too much time comparing the guys in her life. In the old days, it had only ever gotten her into trouble. Comparing Dean to Jess and vice versa had only made everybody’s life harder when they were in high school. Later, she would compare Logan and Jess, always in the most unfair ways, and so on, through her life, until Noah came along. Once her son became her focus, all others faded into the background. She looked to her mom and Luke and the town for as much support as she needed, but Noah was her everything, or at least he was her number one priority, as Jess always said he should be.

She had made room for him though, for her ex that had so easily been one of her closest friends after their brief, unhealthy, teenaged, angst-filled romance, and now, finally, they were in a good place and together. Rory was glad to know that her relationship with Jess didn’t have to be a source of worry where Noah was concerned. She never saw two people become so close so fast as her son and Jess, but then, they did have a surprising amount in common. Jess was certainly more than helpful in getting Noah through the whole search for his father and everything, but even he didn’t know what had the teen so distracted these past two weeks.

“He hasn’t said anything to you?” Rory asked him again last night, as they lay curled together in Jess’ bed. “About New York or Logan or anything?”

“Not really. I mean, he’s mentioned things in passing, like the fact he still hasn’t heard from him yet, but I’m pretty sure that was only became I felt like I should ask. As for New York, we really only talked about the places we went together, not so much about where Logan took him.”

Rory smiled at that particular memory. After a less than great Saturday spent with Logan, Noah had a much better Sunday before returning to Stars Hollow. Jess had offered to take him to a few places that were not on the tourist trail, but that he might like to see anyway. Book stores and record stores that only locals knew about, the site of the original CBGBs, and a myriad of other minor landmarks that Noah had been thrilled to get the chance to see, as well as hear stories about.

It seemed to Rory that Jess had given Noah the real father-son experience of his weekend in New York. It should have been Logan, of course, but it wasn’t. That made Rory happy and sad in equal measure. Sad because, even though she didn’t really want Logan in their lives, he should want to be there for Noah. Happy because Jess was so determined to fill the void that Noah’s biological father had left, if he possibly could, not just to get into Rory’s good graces, because he was already absolutely there, but because he obviously really, genuinely cared for her son.

“Speaking of,” said Rory to herself, on hearing the front door open and close. “Noah?”

“Hey, Mom,” he called, coming through from the hall into the living room. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” she promised, putting on a big smile. “How are you?”

“I’m good.” Noah nodded, a secret kind of a smile playing at his lips.

That was the part that Rory wasn’t quite sure how to take. He just seemed so secretive lately, so quiet and strange. At first, she put it down to things not going so well with Logan and still kept on wondering if that was what was bothering him, but then, there was the sly smile that crept into his face when he was texting sometimes. He always said his friends were just trying to make him laugh, and presumably succeeding, knowing as they did he had ‘family stuff going on.’ Rory just wasn’t quite buying that was the whole story.

“Teenagers have secrets,” Jess had reminded her, a latter part of the same conversation they shared in bed the night before. “You know that as much as I do. Now, I don’t believe that Noah is doing drugs, and I know there’s no gang to join in Stars Hollow. No crimes have been committed, no pranks have been pulled, because we would’ve heard about that. So, can he really have a secret that’s so bad?”

“I don’t know,” Rory admitted, sighing heavily. “I want to ask him about it, but I guess I’m just so afraid of, of making him think I don’t trust him, or that he can’t trust me. He has all these issues with his father, the last thing he needs is a mother that lets him down too.”

Jess had made a point of locking gazes with her then. “Hey, you could never let him down. You love him way too much.”

He meant what he said, and Rory knew it was true anyway. She did love Noah, she did trust him, and she would never purposefully let him down, not for anything in the world. It was just so hard sometimes, the whole parenting thing. She told Jess that as well and was surprised to see him smile at the sound of her words.

“Yeah, I’m figuring that out pretty fast,” he had told her. “To the point where I almost - and I mean only almost - feel bad for Liz now.”

He wasn’t talking about Doula, that was for sure. Rory had never thought to see the day when she heard Jess say he felt bad for the way his behaviour as a kid or teenager might have been rough for his mother, but apparently, it had come to pass. Not that Rory could really judge Jess or Liz on their past, since she wasn’t there to witness any of what happened. She only heard the stories, some of which she still wished she never had to know.

“Mom?” Noah looked concerned when she refocused her eyes on his then. “Seriously, are you okay? You seem... weird.”

“Thank you,” she deadpanned, rolling her eyes at the same time.

“I didn’t mean weird, like weird,” Noah assured her. “Just kind of off. Like something’s bothering you.”

“No, I...” she started, stopping again just as fast - she couldn’t bring herself to lie to him outright. “I guess I’m just a little worried about you. Noah, you would tell me if something was wrong, right? If you’re having a hard time with this whole situation with your father, or if school was a problem, or-”

“Mom,” he cut in, dropping his bag to the floor, and coming over to the couch to join her. “Seriously, I’m fine. Really, I promise. I am not depressed or suffering PTSD or having an identity crisis. God, you watch way too many online videos about what other teenagers are going through,” he said, rolling his eyes, even as he smiled fondly at her. “I’m okay. If I thought I wasn’t, I would tell you, or Jess, or one of the other thousand people in town that would always listen if I had a problem, but right now, I don’t. Am I thrilled about my father being the complete a-hole that everybody always implied he was? Not exactly,” he admitted, smile understandably slipping some for a moment or two, “but at least I know. At least I don’t have to go on thinking that maybe, well, maybe he wasn’t around because I was... It’s not about me, Mom. I’m pretty sure Logan Huntzberger had problems way before I came along, probably before he even met you. He’s just made the way he’s made, for whatever reason, and we all have to li
ve with that. Mostly, he has to live with it, and I’m not sure it’s a happy life either.”

“Wow.” Rory shook her head, feeling almost dumbfounded by how amazing her son truly was. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of you than I am right now, Noah. I mean, you’ve always been mature for your age, a real little grown up since before you could hardly talk or walk, but this is... You really forgive Logan for the way he’s treated you?”

At that, Noah shrugged his shoulders and glanced away. “I don’t know about forgive. I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive him for blaming you for his not being around or his crappy track record with other women and his other kids and stuff. I just don’t see the point in being mad at him or sorry for myself just because he’s kind of a jerk, you know? I have you, and Jess, and Grandma Lorelai and Grandpa Luke, and this whole town on my side. Plus, I know I’m awesome,” he said, grinning so wide. “All Logan Huntzberger has is money and probably a lot of regrets. So, yeah, I guess I’m kind of mad at him, but also, I feel sorry for him. It’s like Jess said, if he doesn’t want to know me, it’s his loss. I’m not letting it be mine.”

With tears in her eyes, Rory sat there just staring at her son, amazed and in awe of him, as she had been so many times already in his young life. Reaching out, she pulled him close, hugging him so tight, telling him at least three times over that she loved him so, so much.

“Love you too, Mom,” he assured her, hugging back. “I promise, you really don’t have to worry about me.”

“Well, that’s just where you’re wrong, Mister,” she said, pulling back to look at him, her hand at his cheek, “because worrying about your kids is a mother’s prerogative. It never goes away, your grandma taught me that. Even at my age, she still worries about me sometimes, no matter how much I tell her she doesn’t have to.”

“She doesn’t have anything to worry about right now, right?” Noah checked, looking just a little concerned. “Everything is cool?”

Rory nodded. “So long as everything is cool with you, then everything is very cool with me.”

Noah smiled. “Everything’s cool. In fact, uh... well, the thing is...”

He was squirming horribly and Rory wasn’t sure what to make of that, especially since he was smiling still, in spite of the uncomfortable shifting in his seat. It was a blessed relief when he finally spat out what he needed to say.

“So, there’s this girl...”

Chapter Text

“Apparently, her name is Sarah.”

“I guess that’s something.”

Jess wasn’t sure what his uncle meant by that remark, and it must’ve shown on his face, as they looked at each other across the empty diner.

“I don’t know, these days they all seem to have names that aren’t even names. Moon, and Harkness, and stuff with numbers that are supposed to be silent, I don’t know.”

It was really hard for Jess not to laugh at that, but he tried his best to hide behind the chairs he was putting up onto the tables, hoping Luke didn’t notice.

“Pretty sure that last part is from a movie that’s older than Noah is, and exactly how many people do you know called Moon or Harkness?”

“Hey, the point is, I like that the girl my grandson likes has a normal name, and I don’t care how much of an un-woke Grandpa that makes me.”

Luke was so determined about it, Jess really didn’t have it in him to argue. Honestly, he didn’t care so much what the girl’s name was, he was just glad to know that Noah was happy and had made a new friend. Maybe friend was the wrong word when young people were the age of fourteen and more, but Jess didn’t think he wanted to delve too much into that.

With Rory’s agreement, he had told Noah that if he ever wanted to talk about girls, in any way, that was okay. Though the kid looked kind of awkward about it, he did seem grateful too. Jess understood, more than most. He hated to recall the talks his mother had with him about the facts of life when he was young.

“You said her last name was Barnes? I don’t remember that family,” said Luke, wiping down the counter as he thought about it.

“Her dad’s not from around here,” Jess confirmed. “It’s the mom who grew up in the Hollow, but I don’t know her name. Anyway, she came back because her mom got sick and her dad wasn’t handling it well. From what Noah said, the grandparents are doing better now, but the parents decided to stay anyway. Sarah wasn’t thrilled at first, but from what I hear, Noah is really helping her settle in at school and everything.”

“Uh-huh.” Luke nodded, shooting Jess a look.

“What?”

“I’m just remembering how you started to settle down when Rory took an interest in you,” his uncle told him with a smile. “It’s weird how, sometimes, that feels like just yesterday.”

“And sometimes, it feels like a million years ago.” Jess rolled his eyes. “Honestly, after a busy day in here, it feels like more.”

“Wait until you actually get old, then you’ll know what a long day really is,” Luke advised with a smile.

They finished off the work in companionable silence then, until finally it was time for Luke to head home and Jess to go upstairs for a little R&R before he fell into bed.

“So, Thanksgiving is only a couple of days away,” his uncle said as he headed for the door. “You’re coming over to ours, right?”

“That was the plan. Wherever Rory and Noah are, that’s where I am.”

Luke smiled at that. “Yeah, I like that.”

“Not as much as I do, I promise,” Jess replied without pause.

The two shared a look then, with as much understanding in it as there had ever been between them. It was so strange to think that Jess had ever thought to dislike Luke at all, but at seventeen, he had himself convinced he must hate his uncle for having ruined his life, taking him away from New York and all. The last thirty years were what they were because of Luke. Jess was the man he had become because of Luke. Rory too, obviously, but Luke maybe even more so.

“I ever say thank you?” he said then, hoping that he wouldn’t have to explain what he meant by the question.

Luke nodded his head. “Lots of times, not that you ever needed to,” he assured him, raising his hand in a brief wave goodbye, and then he was gone.

Jess sighed and shook his head. If he could be half the man his uncle was, especially when it came to Noah, then he would be happy.

“Seriously? I thought we agreed you would turn off the cell, just for a little bit,” said Rory, catching Noah texting once again. “It’s Thanksgiving, a day for family.”

“I thought it was a day for being thankful, and I am thankful, for my cell phone.”

“And for Sarah,” said Jess with a knowing look, visibly trying not to laugh when Noah quite obviously blushed.

“Obviously for Sarah,” he muttered, going right back to texting, the moment he thought Rory wasn’t looking.

She rolled her eyes and Jess smirked all the harder, gesturing that they could go elsewhere to talk privately. Noah continued to grin, sat low in the armchair, his thumbs tapping away like crazy. Not that Rory was about to complain about that. It was genuinely so nice to see him that happy.

Moving down the hallway, Rory paused at the kitchen, opening her mouth to speak to her mom and Luke, until she realised they were in what could only be described as a clinch.

“Oh, geez,” Jess muttered behind her, then passing by to open up the door to her own old bedroom and ushering her inside.

“It’s like Thanksgiving at The Love Shack!” she said, watching Jess close the door behind them.

“You bring your jukebox money?” he joked, quoting lyrics from the song.

Rory laughed as she dropped down to sit on the end of the bed. “Wow. It’s so weird being in here, with you, I mean,” she noted, looking over to where her desk used to be, then up at the bookshelf next to Jess’ head. “You told me I was hooked on phonics,” she recalled, smiling widely. “I remember, because I never heard it phrased that way before, but I liked it. Most people thought I was a little strange for how much I liked to read. Even Mom, I think.”

“Speaking as the guy who was always known as ‘the freak with the book’ when I was a kid, I can relate,” said Jess, leaning back on the door and shrugging his shoulders. “Thirty years, Rory. That’s kind of insane.”

“It is. More than thirty years, actually,” she mused, leaning back on her elbows and surveying the room some more. “I hadn’t quite had my birthday when you first showed up. Sixteen, seventeen... We were so young.”

“And stupid,” Jess added. “Me, not you,” he said fast, the moment she shot him an unimpressed look.

“Oh, I don’t know. I think I had my fair share of stupid going on too,” she admitted then. “Dating Dean, wishing I was dating you, having no idea how to get from A to B without causing chaos, so trying to pretend... God, I wasted so much time pretending.”

“Who didn’t?” Jess came to sit beside her then, his arm going around her back without any hesitation. “I guess all we can really be thankful for,” he said pointedly, “is that we got here eventually.”

“Yeah, that’s definitely something to be thankful for,” Rory agreed, turning to look at him, finding him even closer than she thought and smiling at the sight. “I love you, Jess Mariano. I think a part of me has loved you from the first day we met, even if I never could have realised it then.”

“I know I’ve loved you that long,” he said, reaching out with his free hand to move her hair back behind her ear. “Pretty sure I’m always going to.”

“Only pretty sure?” she teased him, not quite able to help herself.

“Very sure,” he corrected, right before he kissed her.

It would’ve been all too easy to get carried away in the moment. Rolling around on her bed, like the teenagers they had been when they met. Rory was amenable to letting nature take its course. That was mostly because Jess was very good at making her forget reality existed. That Noah was in the living room. That her mom and Luke were in the kitchen.

Only when she heard Lorelai call her name and then gasp with shock did Rory realise that, actually, she wasn’t in the next room at this point.

“Mom!” Rory gasped, sitting up fast and encouraging Jess to do the same. “Seriously, do we not knock here anymore?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m not the one macking with my boyfriend on a family occasion.”

“No, you were the one ‘macking’ with your husband next to the yams and the pumpkin pie,” said Jess, perhaps just a little too smartly.

Still when he stared at Lorelai and she stared back, Rory was sure that they were at an impasse. She also couldn’t seem to help the giggle that escaped her own lips.

“Okay, so we all need to pitch in a little more on what is a family day,” she said, moving to get up. “More adulting, less behaving like kids.”

“What I had in mind was plenty adult,” Jess muttered, his eyes straying to Rory’s shirt and alerting her to the fact she had a couple more buttons undone than before.

She was surprised to note her bra was also unhooked and shot him a look as she fixed that situation.

“Do I want to know what’s going on out there?” Noah yelled loudly from the living room.

“No!” three voices chorused back, as Rory, Jess, and Lorelai joined Luke in the kitchen.

“Trust me, I don’t want to know what’s going on either,” he added, all of his focus on the bubbling pans on the stove.

“Something like what was going on out here ten minutes ago,” said Rory, biting her lip so as not to laugh some more, when he turned to look at her in surprise. “We saw you and Mom,” she confirmed.

“Yup, we were busted before they were, babe,” Lorelai told her husband. “I’m not good with the whole hypocrite thing, so I guess we have to let it slide. Besides, they’re not exactly kids anymore.”

“Just so long as other people don’t get any funny ideas from all of this,” said Luke in a low voice, tilting his head towards the living room.

“Seriously, your stealth factor is zero!” Noah yelled back. “But don’t worry, I’m just gonna go on pretending I don’t know that any of this family even knows what sex is.”

“Then how do you think you got here?” asked Lorelai, seemingly unable to help herself, as she walked back down the hall, Rory following out of her own curiosity, dragging Jess by the hand behind her. “Come on, smart alec. How did you...? What’s up, kid?” Lorelai checked then, sounding much more serious than before.

“Noah?” Rory said herself, noting the strange look on her son’s face.

“It’s... Uh, it’s my dad,” he said, waving the cell phone around, as it continued to vibrate loudly in his hand. “I should probably...”

“We’ll give you some privacy,” said Jess, pulling on Rory’s hand until she followed him this time.

Lorelai went with them, everybody piling back into the kitchen, necessitating an explanation for Luke, who looked more than a little aggravated to have everybody in his cooking area once again. He quit complaining before he had hardly started when he realised what was going on.

“You okay?” Jess asked Rory, as she sat down heavily into a chair by the table.

“I guess,” she told him, shaking her head in the negative, even then. “I don’t know. I want to be happy for Noah that he’s bothering to call.”

“And at the same time, you kind of wish Huntzberger would do another of his famous disappearing acts, because that would make life seem a whole lot easier.”

Lorelai wasn’t asking a question, just making a statement of fact. Not that Rory would have had a chance to respond to it, even if she wanted to. Noah was raising his voice by then, loud enough that the rest of the family could hear every word, whether they wanted to or not.

“That’s not good,” said Luke, perhaps pointlessly, but it had to be what everyone was thinking.

Rory moved to get up, but Jess urged her to stay put. “Might be better just to let him get it off his chest,” he suggested, no real pressure behind the hand he had put on her shoulder.

Meeting his eyes, she trusted he knew better than her in this situation. Nodding her head, she stayed in her seat, listening as Noah railed on Logan. Rightly or wrongly, she was just so proud of him for standing up for himself. She certainly couldn’t feel bad for his father, after the way he had behaved.

“Whatever, Logan. You don’t have time for me, then you don’t. Truth is, I’m not even mad about it anymore. I wanted to know who my father was and now I do. Am I kind of sad to realise he’s an idiot that treated my mom like crap, pissed off my entire family, and doesn’t really care about anybody but himself? Sure, but I’m not the only kid in the world that has to deal with that. I’ll survive. Wanna know why? Because I have a lot of people around here who love the hell out of me, and I love them too. It’s called family. Look it up on the internet or something. I highly doubt you’re gonna learn about it any other way. Yeah, whatever. I’m over it now. Don’t call me again. I won’t pick up if you do.”

The silence that followed seemed to prove that was the final blow cast. The call was over. Noah was done telling Logan where to go and not to come back. Rory looked at Jess and he looked back at her, a silent conversation passing between them, trying to decide which one of them should go see if they could help at all. Before they could come to a conclusion, Lorelai was already moving fast down the hallway.

By the time Rory and Jess plus Luke got there, grandma was administering hugs to the patient. Not that he looked like he was suffering exactly. Over Lorelai’s shoulder, they could all see a smile on his face.

“I’m fine, I promise,” Noah told them, the moment he realised they look concerned. “Seriously. I guess a part of me has just been waiting for the opportunity to, to get it all out of me. Just to tell him how low he is and that I’m done being his son. I mean, I know I can’t really do that. Unfortunately, he will always be my father, and I have to be okay about that, because, because without him, I wouldn’t be me, and I have it on good authority that I’m pretty great.”

“The best,” Rory assured him, swallowing hard as she took her turn at giving Noah a hug. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I really am,” he told her, hugging back, even as he sniffed a little and lifted one hand to swipe at his eyes. “I’m guessing you heard everything I said. I’m sorry about the swearing.”

“Oh, honey, that was barely swearing.” Lorelai rolled her eyes. “Trust me, when I was in labour with your mom, I was swearing like a sailor-,”

“On leave,” said Rory, not realising until after that it was in unison with Noah, Luke, and Jess. “Wow, you really told that story a lot,” she added, with a laugh.

Then everybody laughed, any possible tension going out of the moment in a second. Rory looked around at her mom, and Luke, and Jess, and finally back to her son, realising then that she had even more to be thankful for on that day than she ever could explain. She honestly wouldn’t change anything in her life, not for all the money in the world.

Chapter Text

“You know, you didn’t have to come help with this. Not that I don’t appreciate it, but you have to have better things to do with your weekend.”

“It’s no problem.” Noah told Jess, shrugging his shoulders, as he continued to lay books from the shelf into the box in front of him. “I mean, I see Sarah at school all the time. Yes, she did ask if I wanted to hang out this weekend, but I told her I had a family thing, and she was cool. She gets it.”

Jess only nodded in understanding, then turned away to go towards the kitchen, even though he hadn’t planned to start boxing up the stuff in there just then. He had no words to explain what it meant to him, that Noah considered helping him out to be ‘a family thing.’ It wasn’t as if he had no real family of his own these days, because he did, from Luke and April, to Jimmy, Sasha, and Lily, as well as Liz and Doula (and TJ, if he absolutely had to go there). This was different. This was Rory’s son looking at him like he mattered. It had been hard enough to get to a point where Lorelai liked him, harder still to believe that Rory could ever love him like he loved her, after so much time. To have her son, fathered by Logan Huntzberger of all people, call him family like that, it was moving in a way that Jess could never explain, not with all the words in the world at his disposal.

“Hey. You okay?” Rory asked, appearing at his side, catching him staring into space with an empty box in his hand and clearly wondering why. “Jess?”

“I’m good,” he said, clearing his throat right after, because there was no way any more words would come if he didn’t. “I was just... I guess I don’t really need to pack most of the food. Things are pretty well stocked at the apartment, and it’s over a diner anyway, so...”

“So, just the appliances and utensils.” Rory nodded in agreement, opening up the cabinet door to the left of her head and reaching in for plates and cups to pack. “You’re kind of quiet. Not that you’ve ever exactly been in league with Chatty Cathy, but I was just wondering, are you going to miss this place?”

“The apartment or New York?” he asked curiously.

Rory shook her head. “Either. Both.”

“This place was never a home, just a place to live,” he said, casting an eye over the apartment as a whole. “As for New York, it’s not like it’s going to be a million miles away or disappear down a hole when I stop living here. I’ll come back when I need to, for meetings, visits, whatever. I’ve left before and survived just fine.”

Something in Rory’s eyes when he looked at her then gave him pause for thought. If he didn’t know better, he would almost think something was worrying her, but he couldn’t imagine what it would be. He might have asked her, but she seemed determined not to give him the chance.

“Noah? You have any more packing paper over there?”

“Some,” he replied, a general rustling from behind the couch followed by him putting in an appearance, the roll of packing under his arm as he joined them in the small kitchen area. “I’m guessing you have stuff in your bedroom that you wanna pack yourself?” he checked with Jess.

“Uh, not really,” he admitted, shaking his head. “The clothes are already in bags. Mostly it’s just-”

“More books.” Noah finished for him, clearly already knowing how right he was. “I’m on it,” he said, picking up another empty box on his way.

“He’s a good kid.” Rory smiled.

“Pretty sure he’s the best kid,” Jess agreed without pause. “How could he not be, with a mom like he has?”

He didn’t take it badly that Rory looked surprised by the compliment. He knew all too well he didn’t tell her often enough how he really felt about her, how much she truly meant to him. He tried, but much like his uncle, he supposed, he wasn’t really romantic speech guy, at least, not on the regular.

“You’re not big on compliments, Jess Mariano,” she said, almost as if she read his mind, “but when you go there, it’s never halfway.”

The smile on her face was bright as the sun, as she leaned up to kiss him, an awkward manoeuvre with a box in his hands and her own arms full of dishes yet, but they managed somehow. She sighed as they parted.

“I still can’t believe we’re helping you move out of a New York apartment of your own into the old office over Luke’s where you used to live thirty years ago.”

“It’s not like I’m going backwards in a larger sense,” he noted, putting the box down on the counter and helping her to wrap up the dishes to put inside. “Sure, it’s where I lived as a teenager, but that was me rooming with Luke so he could straighten me out when I was still a punk kid. Now, it’s my own place, which I will pay rent for, no matter what Luke says about it,” he insisted, “and it’s temporary anyway. I just don’t see the point in wasting money on rent here, when I’m spending almost all of my time in Stars Hollow. And I have very good reasons for wanting to be there,” he said with a look.

Rory smiled all over again, but it wasn’t so bright an expression that time. “You’re giving up your apartment for me. A life in the city. Independence.”

“Rory,” he said, shaking his head, his tone deliberately like a warning, because he seriously did not want to hear it. “Come on, you think this is the first time I gave up all that stuff for you? It’s not,” he said firmly.

That put a cute little frown on her face, enough that he almost laughed at her confusion, it was just that adorable.

“You forget the part after I crashed your car, when I showed up at Sookie’s wedding and said I got Luke to let me come back?”

“How could I ever forget that?” she said, looking fit to blush even then, coming on for thirty years since the occasion where she had grabbed him and kissed him for the very first time. “But you weren’t giving up anything for me. You came back because, because things with your mom sucked.”

“They did suck.” Jess nodded his agreement. “But I was almost eighteen by then. I could’ve stayed in New York, made my own way, had my independence. I didn’t have to come live with Luke and follow his rules anymore. Weirdly, a part of me wanted to, because I already figured out by then what a good guy he was, but the biggest reason why I came back, why I actually pretty much begged him to let me come back, that was all because of you.”

He couldn’t believe she hadn’t realised, but then, just like always, Jess was suddenly very aware that he never told her. There were an awful lot of things he never made clear back then. It took far too long for him to tell Rory he loved her, even though he knew from the start that it was true. Too long to let her in on all the things he held in his heart, in his head. So many wasted opportunities.

“I love you, Jess Mariano,” she said softly, a hand at his cheek as she looked at him with glassy eyes. “Somehow, even more now than I did before, and I didn’t ever think that was possible.”

“Hey, Jess? Can I borrow this?”

Noah’s yelling from the next room snapped both Jess and Rory from their moment all too fast, the pair of them laughing at themselves and each other’s expressions by the time the kid appeared with the book he wanted to borrow held high in his hand.

“What? Is there some joke I’m not getting?” he asked, looking down at himself, presumably checking he didn’t have a spider crawling on him or his pants undone.

“No, honey, we were just... It’s just old people stuff,” she said eventually.

Unsurprisingly, Noah rolled his eyes. “Seriously, I love you guys, but you’re too weird sometimes.”

With that, he dumped the book for borrowing onto the couch beside his bag, and then went back to the bedroom to pack some more.

“Well, at least he loves us.” Rory sighed, going right back to packing too.

Jess hadn’t realised how long he stood staring after Noah, until Rory asked him what was wrong.

“Nothing, I just didn’t...” he trailed off, swallowing hard before starting over, mostly because he didn’t have a choice but to do so. “Before, Noah said something about me being family, and now, I don’t know, I guess I just didn’t realise that he felt that way, you know, about me.”

“Silly man,” said Rory fondly, smiling widely at him one more time. “Of course, he feels that way about you. You’ve been there for him when he really needed someone, and in a way that even I couldn’t be. You understood what he was going through, you didn’t judge him, you even asked him before you started talking to me about us maybe getting back together again. After everything, how could he not love you and think of you as part of his family?”

Jess shook his head. “He’s only really known me a couple of months.”

“Remind me again how long you’d known me before you realised you loved me?” she challenged.

She got an eyeroll for her trouble. “That’s a very different kind of love.”

“Love is love,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “Sure, it’s a different kind, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only type that comes on fast. When you know you know, and Noah knows a good person when he meets one. He has good instincts that way. He knew what kind of guy Logan was, faster than I ever realised when I met him,” she said, lowering her voice, eyes moving to the bedroom door and back again. “He’s very astute for fourteen. I’m actually jealous sometimes. I have no idea where he gets it from.”

Jess was sure he could feel much the same about it, but never said as much. Rory went back to packing up the kitchen, and on automatic, he helped her with that. Still, his mind was wandering, considering both the past and the future. He was leaving the apartment that had been his home-base for years now. Going back to Stars Hollow, who was much more deserving of the title of home, even though he had spent ten years avoiding the place. Life was funny that way.

“Okay, that’s pretty much everything in here,” said Rory, reaching for the tape to seal another box. “We already did the bathroom and the living room. Oh, anything else in the storage closet?” she asked, gesturing over his shoulder.

Jess snapped out of his daze and shook his head no. “Already done. I think that’s everything.”

“It doesn’t look like much,” Rory noted, looking down at the small pile of belongings that Jess could call his own. “After forty-seven years, how can you possibly have so little?”

“I don’t,” he said, reaching out to take both of her hands into his, entwining their fingers. “Trust me, I have everything I need right here.”

“Now, that is bordering on corny,” she said, stepping in closer, “but I like it,” she admitted, right before their lips met.

“Hey, thanks for this, man. I really appreciate it.”

“No problem.” Zach smiled his usual goofy smile as he laid down another box beside the one Jess just put down himself. “Honestly, Luke is awesome, but he still thinks he can do everything he used to. I don’t ever say it in front of him, but his age is starting to show, just a little bit.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jess agreed, mentally kicking himself for thinking of Zach as a sweet guy, because that was just weird. “I wasn’t exactly big on him helping with the heavy lifting either, but he insists.”

“He can’t help it, dude. Pretty sure he was born to help everybody. You know, that and be the grumpiest man alive while he’s helping,” Zach rambled on, even as he became distracted by a box that had popped open on the table. “Hey, I knew I wasn’t the only one hanging onto discs!” he said happily, plunging his hand into Jess’ belongings and coming up all CDs. “You have an awesome collection here. Never let anyone convince you to get rid of these, okay, man? If you get tired of them, I will take them off your hands, cash money, I promise, just don’t let ‘em go. I keep telling my boys how great it is to have music in your hand, a physical object, but they just don’t get it, you know?”

“Now whose age is starting to show?” said Jess, smirking too hard and he knew it.

Zach didn’t seem to care, rolling his eyes as he put the CDs back where they came from. “Hey, that reminds me, how are things with you and Noah?”

“They’re good.” Jess shrugged, not really sure what else to say.

He had never been much for sharing, especially anything in his life he considered personal or private. If he did feel moved to do that kind of thing, it was really only with Rory or Luke, maybe Chris and Matthew. Zach was just the husband of his girlfriend’s best friend, who he only ever knew in a vague kind of way. They were not likely to become secret sharing type friends any time soon.

“So, thanks again for the help,” he said, as eager for a subject change as he was for Zach to get going now the deed was done. “Uh, if I can ever repay the favour...”

“Hey, I may take you up on that, next time Lane wants a new couch or something,” said Zach, pointing a finger even as he headed towards the door. “You know, Brian is a great guy, but lifting and carrying, dude, never been his thing. I’ll see you around.”

“See you around,” Jess replied, even as the door closed behind Zach.

He supposed that was true. There were a lot of people he would see around Stars Hollow, more than ever, now he had moved back permanently.

“God help me,” he muttered to himself, beginning the process of unpacking.

A smile curved his lips in spite of his words and a grumpy tone that his uncle would have been more than proud of. Jess was back in Stars Hollow to stay, and as crazy as it sounded, for more reasons than just Rory or Luke, he couldn’t help feeling like he was finally home again.

Chapter Text

“Wow, that was...”

“Intense,” Jess finished for Rory, as they all walked out of Miss Patty’s together.

“I was going to go with long,” she admitted, “but sure, intense works too.”

“I swear, I used to love town meetings,” Lorelai chimed in. “When did they get so... snipey?”

“A lot of them were always like that,” Luke assured her. “You just forget.”

“Do I?”

“I still think people used to be nicer,” Rory insisted, in her mom’s corner, just like always, which was sweet, in its way. “What’s so funny?” she asked Noah then, when he bust up laughing.

He waved his hand like it was nothing, but with four pairs of eyes all on him by then, he had to crack eventually. “Old people always think everything was better back in the day,” he admitted then, shrugging like it was no big deal.

“Old people?” Lorelai checked, grabbing hold of her grandson’s ear and giving it a playful tweak. “Did you just say old people?” she checked.

“Older, I said older people,” he insisted, probably wincing more from the unintentional offence he might’ve caused rather than his ear, Jess suspected.

“Uh-huh,” said Lorelai, letting go of the ear and pulling her grandson into her side to hug him instead. “Sure you did, slugger.”

Jess smiled to himself, watching the scene, casting his eye over the denizens of Stars Hollow all filing out of the dance studio and heading home after another town meeting. They were probably all saying the same kinds of things as their own family were saying. Just the same as they had for years before, just as the same as they would for years to come. That kind of thing used to depress the young Jess Mariano and make him long for escape. Now, he couldn’t imagine anything better than staying in Stars Hollow, with Rory and Noah, for the rest of his life, becoming more and more like his Uncle Luke every day.

“Jess?”

“What?” he asked, coming back to reality with a bump when he saw the concern on Rory’s face. “Sorry.”

“Where’d you go?” she asked curiously, as they continued along, arm in arm, behind Luke, Lorelai, and Noah.

“Nowhere, that was kind of the point actually,” he admitted, finding her confusion just a little amusing, truth be told. “It’s nothing, I promise. It’s just... You know, as much as I hate to admit it, this place was always home to me. Coming back here, it’s just right. It’s where I had to end up, partly because you’re here, obviously, but it’s something else too. Probably some kind of voodoo this insane asylum of a town puts on you the minute you cross the border or whatever.”

“I actually wouldn’t be so surprised if that were true,” Rory deadpanned, the way only she could.

For that, Jess kissed her, because why the hell not?

“Seriously? In the street?” Noah asked, catching them in that moment.

“I’m sorry, was it not you and Sarah I saw kissing in the gazebo just yesterday when you thought nobody was looking?” his mother countered.

Noah squirmed, then looked to Luke for help. “Hey, Grandpa, do you have any more of that pasta thing leftover at your house? I’m still kind of hungry.”

“Sure, there’s some in the fridge. I could heat it up for you, no problem.”

“You guys should all come over,” said Lorelai, turning to look to Rory and Jess. “We’ll eat, drink, be merry. I mean, Christmas is coming up fast, gotta get in lots of practice, right?”

“Sure, we’ll come along. Right, Jess?” said Rory, glancing at him with a hopeful smile.

“I would, but I’m supposed to be on a call with Chris and Matthew in around ten minutes,” he said, checking his watch to be sure of the time. “I’m sorry, we already rescheduled three times and there are things we need to figure out.”

“Hey, it’s fine. Work is work, you have to get it done,” said Rory, all full of understanding as ever. “There will be other nights.”

“I promise, there will,” he said, giving her another kiss, just as they reached the diner. “And hey, if the call doesn’t go too long, maybe I’ll text you, see if it’s worth coming over then?”

“Sounds good.”

Jess waved them all off then went inside, up to the apartment to get into his video call with the guys in Philly. It was true what he said, they did have work to discuss. A manuscript that was causing problems, an author that was getting antsy about his latest novel, not to mention yet another attempt by a larger publishing company to buy them out.

Of course, Jess wasn’t stupid enough to think the call would be all work-related talk. The guys were always going to ask about his personal life, they just couldn’t help themselves. To be fair, it took an entire hour, when they were pretty much done with the actual work stuff, before they got into other things.

“So, how’s life back at the homestead?” asked Matthew, grinning too much.

“It’s fine,” Jess assured him, also smiling but probably not so much like an idiot, at least, he hoped not.

“Just fine?” Chris checked.

Jess rolled his eyes. “Okay, it’s great. It’s excellent, it’s as close to perfect as anything ever gets in real life. You happy now, or you need me to hunt down a thesaurus and give you a few more adjectives?”

“Ooh, this is not the attitude of a man who’s happy with his small-town life,” Matthew teased him, but then seemed to sober up when he asked; “Seriously, man, everything okay?”

“I promise, everything is fine,” he told both his friends. “You know I’m not effusive about this stuff, it’s not me, but everything is cool. I’m happy with Rory, and Noah’s doing good, and everybody’s fine. I don’t regret leaving New York, I don’t hate being here. Of course, I’m starting to wish I had business partners that were less nosey...”

“Man, be nice, okay?” Chris said snippily, even though he had to know Jess was joking. “We care. It’s not a crime.”

“After all this time, I’d be worried if you didn’t,” Jess muttered. “I know you guys care, okay? If it were either of you changing your whole life around, I’d be asking how you were, so I do get it, but like I said, it’s all good here. No problems, no worries.”

It did feel good to be able to say all of that and mean it, even if sharing that kind of stuff was never Jess’ favourite thing to do. He really was very happy to be back in the Hollow on a permanent basis, and extremely happy to be with Rory too.

“I’m happy for you, Jess,” said Matthew sincerely.

“Me too,” Chris agreed. “It’s about time you got the family set-up and all. You waited long enough.”

“Any talk about you moving in with Rory and the kid yet?” Matthew asked.

Jess tried not to wince at the question. “That’s not... I know it took a while for me and Rory to get where we are, but even so, rushing into things never made anybody happy, in the end. Besides, there’s Noah to think about and... I don’t know, I guess when the time is right, then we’ll talk about it. Right now, I’m just being happy with what I have and not pushing anything.”

Just as the guys started to answer that, and also ask if there was anything else anybody needed to say before they ended their call, a knock on the door made Jess jump in his seat. With his family congregating at the old Crap Shack, he wasn’t expecting anyone to be calling for him, especially not in the evening time.

“Guys, I gotta go,” he told his friends and business partners, ending the call and getting up to go see who was there. “Noah. Hey, everything okay?”

The really strange look on the kid’s face worried him for a second, but then, it was gone so fast, Jess almost thought maybe he imagined it.

“Uh, yeah, everything’s cool. Well, mostly. So, my great-grandma called and it has to do with arrangements for Christmas and, basically, things got kind of crazy. I needed an excuse to get out, and I figured, since it involves you too...”

“It involves me, how?” asked Jess, shaking his head, almost scared to imagine what the answer to that question might be.

Noah made a face that was not encouraging. “Yeah, you should definitely come back with me and talk to Mom.”

“Ugh, I feel drained, and that’s just from talking about going to see your great grandma for Christmas,” Rory complained as she all-but staggered dramatically into the house.

“I really don’t see why it’s such a big deal,” Noah told her, smiling far too much, in his mother’s opinion, and her expression must have told him so. “Okay, I get it, Great Grandma can be intense, and apparently, she and Jess didn’t exactly hit off when they first met, but that was thirty years ago. Things change. People change. From the way you and Grandma tell it, Great Grandma has changed a lot.”

“In some ways, I guess,” Rory agreed, dumping her coat and bag on the end of the couch, then deciding to give up and fall down alongside it. “But in other ways... Let’s just say the great Emily Gilmore will always be the great Emily Gilmore.”

“You make her sound like The Wizard of Oz,” Noah laughed into his words. “You know, The Great and Powerful Emily Gilmore.”

“Trust me, your great grandma has waaaay more power than any wizard. You haven’t spent enough time with her to really understand, and you didn’t know her before she moved to Nantucket. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love her to pieces, always, but when it comes to family, most especially men who want to be in the lives of her daughter or her granddaughter, she is...”

“Intense,” Noah said for her, making her smile, because it proved just how much he had been paying attention. “Okay, but she invited Jess to come with us for our Christmas visit,” he said then, coming to sit beside her. “That seems like it should be a positive thing, like she wants to include him in our family, but the second I said that, Grandma Lorelai made a noise that I seriously thought meant she was having a seizure, or possibly some kind of breakdown.”

Rory smirked a little, she couldn’t help it. “I still remember the first time Jess was invited to Friday Night Dinner, and also, the story of the first time Luke was invited too. Both occasions did not exactly end well.”

Of course, it was true that her grandma had mellowed a lot in her later years, but still, Rory wasn’t entirely looking forward to whatever grilling or snide remarks Jess might get from the Gilmore matriarch. To be fair to him, Jess seemed to largely take the news in his stride, agreeing to come along to Nantucket without pause, not even flinching when reminded of how badly the whole thing could go.

“Wherever you and Noah are going to be for Christmas, you know that’s where I want to be too,” he had said at the time. “Now, we didn’t think that would be possible, hence the whole pre-Christmas event you were planning - which we can still totally do, if you want, just so we can have our own private thing too - but I am absolutely okay with going with you to see your grandma for actual Christmas. Who knows? Maybe she’ll like me this time.”

“No black eyes,” said Rory, too seriously.

Jess smiled and kissed her forehead. “No black eyes, I promise.”

“Mom?”

She snapped out of the memory to look at her son. “Sorry. I was just thinking, but I’m fine. So, it’s kind of late, and I don’t know about you, but I could use some sleep.”

“Yeah, me too.” Noah nodded. “But before that, I just wanted to, you know, run something by you.”

“Okay,” Rory agreed, stopping halfway to standing up and sitting right back down again. “It doesn’t involve actual running, does it?” she joked, partly because she really was so tired she barely wanted to even walk, and partly because he looked so serious she felt the need to make a joke and lighten the mood.

“Running? Seriously? We’re Gilmores.”

“That’s my boy,” said Rory, pulling him close for a brief hug. “So, what did you wanna say?”

“I had an idea for a Christmas gift, for Jess.”

“For Jess?” Rory checked. “Oh, I wasn’t sure if you wanted to... I mean, you can, obviously. I’m pretty sure he has something for you.”

“I figured, but I had no idea what to get him. Now, I do. I think. You know, if you think it’s a good idea, since it kind of involves you too.”

“Okay, that’s cryptic.”

Noah smiled. “It won’t be, when I explain it to you...”

Chapter Text

It was the Sunday before Christmas, the last official day of Fall, and the final day that the Gilmore-Danes-Mariano family would be spending in Stars Hollow this year. The following morning, they all left for Nantucket, and wouldn’t be back until after New Years, thanks to the almost-royal command of Emily Gilmore.

As had been arranged, before the invitation was extended to include Jess, he was going over to spend the day with Rory and Noah, the three of them behaving as if it really were Christmas Day already, to give them a chance to exchange gifts, spend time, and eat together, without the scrutiny of the head of the clan. Luke and Lorelai were going to get involved later, largely for the dinner part of the day.

“Since Luke is the expert in cooking the food and I’m the expert in eating it,” Lorelai had insisted.

It didn’t occur to anyone to argue with her on that, but for the morning, at least, it was just the three of them. Rory and Jess had exchanged one gift each with each other and handed over something for Noah too. Everybody was happy with what they received, including Noah’s present for his mom.

“So, that just leaves one more,” the kid said then, smiling almost too widely, as he reached under the coffee table and produced a small box, holding it out in Jess’ general direction.

If he looked confused, and he was sure he did, Jess supposed it ought to be understandable. After all, his girlfriend’s teenaged son was handing him a gift that looked an awful lot like jewellery, or more specifically, a box that someone would usually suppose was jewellery. That was a little weird.

“This is for me, from you?” he checked, taking the small wrapped item into his own hands.

“Kind of from me and Mom, actually,” Noah explained.

“But it was his idea. At least, it was in the first place,” Rory added, squirming just a little. “It will be much easier to explain after you open it, trust me.”

He had no idea what to think, but Jess figured they were both going to keep on staring at him with strange expressions on their faces until he finally gave in and unwrapped his gift. Peeling away the holly jolly paper, he was only mildly surprised that there really was something akin to a ring box inside, but when he lifted the lid, it was certainly not a ring that he found.

“A key?” he checked, pulling it out to better see it.

“To the front door,” Noah confirmed. “You know, of the house. Our house,” he added, nodding his head.

“You’re giving me a key to your house?” Jess looked to Rory then, not sure how to take this so-called gift. “Rory?”

“Obviously, there’s no pressure, and if you want to say no, that’s perfectly fine, and we can discuss it and make plans for the future, instead of rushing, you know, if you feel like you’re being rushed or pressured or anything,” she rambled out, in the way only a Gilmore girl could. “It’s just that, well, Noah thought that maybe you would want to live here, with us, and I would love for you to do that, so... well, that’s what we’re offering you, and I know it’s not really a Christmas gift exactly-”

“It is,” Jess found himself saying, not even particularly caring that he had cut her off, just this once, since he was fairly confident she would be happy to hear what he had to say, even if he was a little shocked to hear himself saying it! “Wow. I never even... I mean, obviously, it occurred to me that, someday, maybe, we would live together. I just never thought...” he trailed off, as his eyes drifted to Noah.

“You never thought I would be the one to pitch the idea,” he realised aloud, “which I totally get. Step-parents and stuff can be hard to take, I know. I have a lot of friends with family problems, believe me, but you’re not like that. You and Mom, you’ve known each other pretty much forever, and obviously, you love each other and everything. We get along great. I actually like having you around, and you seem to like being here.”

“That is all true.” Jess nodded, unable to find a single word he could disagree with.

“And I know the apartment over the diner isn’t exactly a hole or anything, but it’s also not a home, not really. We have plenty of room here for three people. It’s not like you have a lot of stuff, and I should know, because I packed half of it for you when you moved from New York.”

Jess smiled at that, then cleared his throat hard, so that he could get any words out. “See, now you’re making me think you just want me to move in here so you have better access to my personal library.”

“Damn, he figured it out,” Noah deadpanned, looking at Rory.

She just laughed, a little too loudly, her hand coming up to cover her mouth a second too late. She was happy. A little nervous around the edges, but stupidly happy too, Jess could just see it coming off her in waves. She wanted this, she truly did. She wanted them all to be together, like a family, and when Jess shifted his gaze back to Noah, he truly believed that the kid wanted the same thing.

“Thank you,” he said, more softly than he meant to. “This is a great gift,” he went on, gesturing with the key still in his hand. “And just in case it’s not clear, yes, I would love to move in here with you guys.”

When Rory suddenly launched herself into his arms, Jess was only glad he was fast enough in his reactions to catch her, so she didn’t face plant into the carpet below. Also, that he managed to put the key further into his hand so it didn’t do her an injury.

When she was done squeezing the life out of him, Noah was quick to step up to hug Jess himself, the manly type with a good hearty slap on the back to follow. That meant almost as much to him as the key had, but in that moment, there was no way for him to say a word about it.

After dinner, Noah begged to be allowed to skip out for a while to go see Sarah, since it was the last day they could meet up before he went away for Christmas. No doubt he had a gift for her too. Rory couldn’t find it in her to fully enforce the ‘family only day’ rule, especially when Jess, Luke and Lorelai all seemed to be on her son’s side. Honestly, Rory was perfectly fine with him being out of the house just for a little while, especially when her mom and Luke made a point of leaving at the same time. A little alone time with Jess sounded like no bad thing at all.

“I think we can leave the rest of the dishes for a little while,” she said, taking them out of Jess’ hand and putting them back on the table.

“You have something else in mind to do?” he asked.

In answer to that, she grabbed his hand, led the way to the couch and encouraged him to sit down close beside her. Her hands went to his head, guiding him closer still and she smiled when she said; “Hey.”

“Hey,” Jess replied, right before their lips met.

If he thought that abandoning the clean-up from the day for making out on the couch was foolish, he never said as much. Rory was glad. They may be much older now than when they first met and first dated, but she was pretty sure she would never get tired of that kind of activity.

“You’re a bad influence, Gilmore,” said Jess, as they parted to breathe for a minute, his hand at her cheek. “But I love you, you got that, right?”

“I got that,” she promised. “And for the record, I am really, really happy that you want to move in here.”

“I’m really glad you asked me, you and Noah,” he confirmed, kissing her once again.

“It really was his idea, you know? Like I said, I thought about it, a few times, but I wasn’t sure if you would want that so soon, and then I thought you probably would, but Noah...”

“I’m glad it was his idea.” Jess nodded. “I would never want to make him feel pushed out of anything. It’s the last thing I would want.”

“I know.” Rory smiled across at him. “You have no idea what that means to me, Jess. That you can love him like that.”

She didn’t mean to cry, she was hardly aware it was happening, until suddenly a lone tear streaked down her face. Rory was just so overwhelmingly happy with how things were working out, she almost didn’t know how to bear it.

“You know, my mom said something to me, when you and Luke were busy with dinner, and Noah was cleaning up gift wrap,” she told him then, wishing she could make her voice other than impossibly soft, but it just wouldn’t happen. “She said it was funny how Noah ran off to New York looking for his father, and instead, he came home with a dad.”

Rory never would have said something like that to Jess before, not that it ever could have applied before now, but still. She would have known better than to talk to him about commitment in the old days. Back then, there was no part of her that could really trust Jess to be solid and dependable at all times, the way he tried so hard to be. It wasn’t in him then, but it was now. He wanted to be with her and he wanted to be there for her son, so much. She saw it as plainly in his eyes in that moment, as she had so many times before, since they were first reunited in September.

“When I saw him in that coffee place,” Jess said of Noah then, “I thought I was going crazy. He looked so much like you, and then when I talked to him, the attitude, he was... Well, his Huntzberger genes started showing,” he admitted, wincing even as he said it. “But that kid, he’s so much like you, Rory, and weirdly, a little like me, which makes no sense-”

“But it’s true.” Rory nodded. “I see it too, all the time.”

“I wouldn’t ever expect him to want to call me ‘dad’ or anything, that’s not... I just wanna be here for him. And I wanna be here for you. Always.”

“Always sounds good to me,” she agreed, leaning in closer, anticipating his lips against her own. “Merry Christmas, Jess,” she whispered, between kisses.

“Merry Christmas, Rory,” he replied in kind, the two of them sinking down into the couch cushions, as outside, snow began to fall.