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Marinette’s lungs burned. Her legs. Her ribs. Even her shoulder blades ached. Every breath that left her lips stung as she forced her feet to keep moving. Trying to focus only on her next step and the music that blasted in her ears. She’d learned to ignore the thoughts that screamed at her to slow down. To take a break. She didn’t want to stop. She preferred the burn in her chest and the ache in her side over the drowning thoughts that consumed her when she was still.
Running had become her only escape. Her new addiction, even. If she wasn’t busy with school, or hunting down akumatized villains, she was most likely jogging the familiar streets of Paris. The physical aspect of running was nice. It kept her healthy, quick, strong. It was a good way to stay in shape for her alter ego, Ladybug. But that wasn’t why she did it. She didn’t run to have a smaller waist or a stronger heart. She ran because it was the only thing that eased the stress of her reality. The only way to stop crying, to stop thinking, stop feeling. She ran for miles and miles. But no matter how far she ran she couldn’t seem to escape herself, her thousands of tasks that piled up daily. Becoming guardian, starting at university, dealing with akumas, friends, relationships? It was all too much. So she ran and ran because maybe one day she would out run her problems. Probably not, but maybe.
Her vision stayed aimed towards the ground, ever so often she would gaze ahead, only to prevent from running into someone. She had a preferred route by now. But on this particular night she was hurting, she was desperate for relief. So she ran wherever her feet would take her. However long it took to become numb. She tapped her earbud twice to turn the volume up, hoping it would somehow ease the growing stitch in her side. The sharp ache worsening with every thrust of her legs.
It wasn’t until a bright light was mere feet from her that she froze, the blare of a car horn barely heard above her music. She didn’t even have time to panic, to think. Not yet, she thought, not yet. She was about to meet her end and there was no time for her life to flash before her eyes. Instead, it was a flash of blonde hair that she saw. Then the world was turned sideways, a blur of tall buildings, the faint streak of stars against an inky black sky. Her eyes squeezed tightly shut as she prepared herself for the impact. For the crack of her skull against pavement. But it never came, instead it was the feeling of something cradling her head as she fell to the ground. Hands, she realized, someone’s hands were around the back of her head. Someone’s body was cradling over hers. One of her earbuds must have fallen out because the roar of the car horn intensified as it swerved past her, clearly frustrated with the inconvenience of nearly taking her life. When she finally opened her eyes everything was fuzzy. She recognized a black mask over a sharp face. But there were 4 green eyes, 2 lips, 4 cats ears…
“Chat Noir…?” She muttered, squeezing her eyes shut and blinking repeatedly, trying to force the blur out.
“Are you okay? Marinette? They nearly hit you!” She felt dizzy as he lifted her, or at least she assumed he was lifting her. Her heart was racing too fast. Everything was happening too fast.
“I’m fine.” She breathed, more to herself than to him. “I’m- I’m okay.”
He sat her back down, finding refuge on the sidewalk. She stared ahead, the realization slowly creeping up on her. That she had been so zoned out she ran right into the street. Her hands shook violently. What was wrong with her? She was nearly killed. What would have happen to Paris? There was too much on the line for this, for her carelessness. She found Chat Noirs gaze after a moment. It was frantic, he looked horrified. His clawed hands gently palpating her head, as if he was afraid it would fall off.
“Oh my god, what were you doing? Why did you- god, Mari you’ve gotta be more careful.” His pupils were blown wide.
She briefly wondered when Chat Noir had ever called her Mari instead of her full name. But the thought was short-lived, “I-I'm sorry. I was zoned out I guess, I didn’t mean to-”
He wiped a bead of sweat from her temple, his panicked expression morphing into one of pure concern as he took in her form. “How long have you been running?”
Her cheeks were flushed, no doubt. Her face always went red when she ran. Sweat soaked through her clothes, her hair matted down, messily falling from her once neat ponytail. She glanced at her watch to check the time. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been running, actually.
“Thirty six miles?!” He gasped, his leather clad hand grasping her wrist and pulling it closer to view. Her smart watch had been opened to the workout status. He stared in shock as he read the screen.
Current Run:
02:43.52
182 BPM
4’16” AVG MILE
36.8 MI
“You ran almost 37 miles in less than 3 hours?” He stared at her in utter disbelief and she wasn’t exactly sure what to say. She was just as shocked as him to see how long she’d been running. Normally she maxed out at around mile 30.
“I-uh,” She tried to stand but his grip on her wrist was unwavering, his other hand grasping her shoulder. “I like to run.” It was a weak explanation, but true none the less.
He couldn’t tell if she was blushing or just red as a tomato because she apparently had just run a damn marathon around Paris, “I- I guess I didn’t realize you were a runner. I mean that just seems nearly impossible, even for a cat like me.” He let out a loose chuckle, relaxing his grip on her. A little.
She was about to thank him for saving her when she realized, finally, that if Chat Noir had been out he must’ve been patrolling, which meant Ladybug was late.
“W-What time is it?”
He glanced down at her wrist still in his hand, “Uh, looks like it’s almost 9 o’clock.”
Her eyes widened, she was supposed to start patrol nearly an hour ago. She tugged her arm away, and finally he let go. But his hands instantly replaced their grip on her waist, this time, when she tried to push herself up. She noticed a few people on the sidewalk glancing at them. She wasn’t sure if they were looking at Chat Noir or had seen her nearly die moments ago. Probably both. Embarrassment seeped into her skin. She wanted to sink into the earth and disappear. What had she done? Not only did she run right into traffic, but she was late for patrol! “I told you Chat, I’m fine. You can let go.” She knew her tone was a bit harsh, but she was angry. At herself.
He shakes his head, his blonde hair practically sparkling in the street lights. “No, no, no. I’ll carry you home. I may have saved you but you still hit the ground. Wait! Did you hurt your back? Or- or your legs? Tell me where it hurts-”
“Kitty i’m fine! You saved me, I swear nothing hurts” It was true, for the most part. Nothing hurt from the impact. But everything hurt from running miles and miles. Even if she wasn’t injured, her arms and legs felt like jello. And with a quick glance at street signs, she knew she was miles from home. Actually, she was farther than she’d ever ran before.
“Are you sure?” He asks again, his hands staying firmly planted on her arms as he sat up on his knees in front of her.
“Yes. I promise. I should get going.”
“I’m taking you home.” He said matter of factly. Not an ounce of reluctance in his voice. He stood, then bent over to scoop an arm behind her back and the other around the backs of her knees. She didn’t try to fight him, deciding she was in fact too tired to. Maybe she would even have time to eat a quick dinner before transforming and trying to explain why Ladybug was late.
***
When they arrived at her balcony Chat insisted he take her inside, and he insisted on making sure she ate, and also that she drank water. She was now leaned back in her lounge, Chat sitting at her feet. Watching her finish her food like it was a threat.
“I’m sure Ladybug is looking for you, i’ll be fine. I promise.”
His expression grew sad at that, and her tired heart found the energy to ache. “I… doubt that. M’Lady is never looking for me.”
“Thats not true! She’s your partner, you know she needs you. I’m sure she’s waiting for you right now Chat Noir.”
He scoffs, staring at a loose pink thread on her lounge and tugging at it. “I’m not so sure about that. If she needs me, she’ll call. I’d rather stay and make sure you're alright, though. Are you sure your head doesn’t hurt?”
Marinette shook her head no, but the truth was it did hurt. It was throbbing, actually. She was just so exhausted. “I’ll be fine, I just need some ibuprofen.”
His brows furrowed in concern. Like she might actually die from a headache. “We should go to the hospital, you might have a concussion! Or- or a brain bleed.”
“What? No, kitty. I’m just… tired is all. I always get a headache after a long run.”
He seemed to relax a bit at that, or maybe he just stopped breathing. It was hard to tell, the pained expression on his face made her want to tear her eyes away from his. “How often do you run… that far?”
She took a moment to think about it. She didn’t usually track her runs. Her watch would auto track but she normally didn’t bother to check the stats. “Well, maybe like, every week?”
His jaw dropped. “Your running over 30 miles every week? Mari, thats like, crazy! How do you- you must eat a lot.. and you- you like, get plenty of rest right?”
She stared down into her lap, hoping he couldn’t sense the shame that she was likely reeking of. She would never admit it, but she knew this new found habit was becoming unhealthy. Her clothes were becoming slightly baggy. She couldn’t remember a time when her muscles weren’t constantly aching. And rest…? Well, that hadn’t been something she’d gotten around to in years.
“I-” she wanted to lie, she wanted to assure him she was fine and happy and healthy. That she ran for fun sometimes to get her mind off things. That she always got at least 8 hours a sleep at night. That she ate 3 meals a day. But she couldn’t, she just couldn’t lie to him like that. Which was odd because it was never something she struggled to lie to her parents about. Or Alya. Or her few new university friends. “I- could be better.. I guess.”
Her eyes shot up to his when his hand brushed her knee, “You can talk to me you know? I’m a purrrrty good listener.”
The pun brought a faint smile to her lips, and her heart seemed to warm a bit. It was a feeling she’d missed. She made a mental note to really, really make it up to him next time she saw him as Ladybug. “Thank you, kitty. I just- I guess I just like the way I feel when I run. It’s like my mind shuts off.”
“And you… want your mind off? A lot?”
She bit her lip. Internally questioning how much she should tell him. How much she could tell him. Because honestly she wanted to tell him everything. He was the only one who would understand. Besides Alya, but Alya had her own issues and busy life. Chat Noir would understand, because the akumas, they were his burden too. But telling him only about the stress of her civilian life alone… it wouldn’t make sense. Yea I run a lot because I’m stressed about homework. She chuckled at the thought. But the action made her wince, her head pounding. She pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers. “Could you grab the medicine? It’s in my desk drawer.”
He was up in an instant, finding the meds after looking in a couple drawers, and then refilling her water, swiftly bringing it back to her and crouching to see her face. “Here.” He whispered, dropping two pills into her now open hand. She popped them into her mouth, then went to grab the glass from him. But he gently lifted it to her lips for her. Slowly tilting it up so that she could take a sip. Making sure not to push it too far or to spill any on her. The gesture made her feel surprisingly warm inside. No one had taken care of her like this in quite some time.
“Thank you,” she said, smiling at him as best she could despite the sharp pain at the forefront of her skull.
He glanced at her window, moonlight shone through the blinds, and traffic had quieted down. It was nearly silent in her room but for the sound of their breathing. “It’s pretty late…” she noticed the tinge of pink spreading under his mask, and noticed even more so how much she loved it.
“Yea, you should get home kitty, I’m just gonna shower and head to bed.”
His head jerked back to hers, his eyes widening like she’d said something utterly ridiculous. “What? But what if you fall? Or.. faint? What if you do have an injury and you-”
She chuckled, then winced. Her heart still pounding loudly in her ears. He was right, she wasn’t exactly in good showering condition. She wasn’t in good anything condition.
“How about a bath?”
“What?”
“I-I mean! A bath, for you. Uh… i’ll get it started and I wont stay in there, obviously, but i’ll get it started for you and i’ll wait outside the door- er, uh i’ll wait close by or something. Just in case you need something! Of course. And- uh-”
“Okay.” She couldn’t help the smile on her lips. He was so cute when he was flustered. “Yea, that sounds nice.”
“Oh, okay. Yea! Of course, i’ll just, i’ll be right back. Stay there.” He stood, making his way to her trap door.
“Kitty?”
“Yea?” He stopped, already half way out the door, “What is it?”
“Do you… know where our bathroom is?”
“Oh. Oh! Yea- of course. Where- where is the bathroom?”
She chuckled, assuming he was too flustered to realize he’d never been in her home before. Besides her bedroom. “It’s down the hall, first door on the left. But be super quiet, my parents are sleeping.”
He nodded a bit too quickly, “Got it, first door on the left.”
He returned several minutes later, Marinette found herself struggling to keep her eyes open. She shot up at the sound of her door dropping shut a bit too loudly
“Ah!” She winced at the sudden movement.
“Sorry!” He whispered, tiptoeing toward her. “It’s ready for you, come on princess.”
She decided to let the nickname slide, only because she was too tired and in too much pain to dispute it. Yea, that’s all. He kept one hand on her the whole way there, she tried not to seem too achey as she walked. But her legs were sore to the point she was nearly limping. When she entered the bathroom, the warm smell of vanilla filled her nostrils. The tub was filled nearly to the brim with bubbles.
“I uh- I added some soap, just in case you’re too tired to wash off.”
She gave him a grateful smile, and he turned to leave. “Wait.”
He looked back in concern, like maybe he thought she would say she did in fact have a brain bleed, or a concussion.
“Can you… stay in here?” She stared at the floor. She knew how it sounded. They were acquaintances….friends? Whatever they were, it was weird to ask him to stay in the room while she took a bath. But the thought of him leaving, well it didn’t feel good. It didn’t ease the throb in her skull or ache in her chest. “Just, incase I need something.”
He opened and closed his mouth, “Yea- yea of course.”
Her bathroom wasn’t exactly large, average, maybe. They both stared at each other a bit awkwardly, unsure of what the other was expecting. Unsure of what to do in this sort of situation. Chat settled on turning around, only to meet Marinette’s gaze again in the large mirror. Finally he decided to throw his hands over his eyes. “Is this okay? I wont peek, I promise.”
She giggled, “I know, I trust you mon chaton.”
She stripped her clothes off as quickly as she could, which wasn’t very quickly at all, her tank top came off rather easily but her leggings and sports bra were stuck tightly to her skin, still slightly damp with sweat. She groaned a bit as she tugged the stupid thing over her head, only intensifying the pain, like daggers stabbing her brain from the inside. Chat stayed quiet, not speaking until the sound of her body entering the water echoed through the room. The warmth enveloped her like a hug, and instantly she felt her muscles relax.
“Is the temperature okay? I tried to make sure it wasn’t too hot.” He was still turned away, palms over his face, and he was facing downward, for good measure, she assumed. What a sweet kitty.
She hummed, “It’s perfect, thank you.”
She leaned her head back against the tile, letting her eyes fall shut. When she opened them, several seconds later, Chat was in the exact same position, now humming to himself lightly.
“Kitty?”
“Hm?”
“You can look now.”
“What? But your-” he cleared his throat, shrugging his shoulders, “But your naked.” He whispered the last part, like the word was forbidden.
“You put so much bubbles in here I’m not sure you could see me either way, Chat. But if you’d prefer to stand there with your eyes covered, that’s fine.”
“Oh, right.” He mumbled, and turned ever so slowly back around, it wasn’t until he was fully facing her that he slid his hands down. Peeking at her through his fingers. She raised her hand out of the soapy water to wave at him, a silly grin on her face.
He let out a mixture of a relieved huff and a laugh. And though she was positive the bubbles were covering everything, he still kept his gaze locked on the wall, or the floor, or… anything but her. And that pink in his cheeks had become full on crimson. She chewed her bottom lip and gathered a handful of bubbles, watching them pop and run down her arm.
“So, you wanna tell me more about wanting your brain to shut off?”
His words caught her by surprise, he was looking at her now, sparkling green meeting deep blue. “I…I didn’t mean it like that.”
He takes a seat in the floor, leaning his back against the counter of the sink, “Yea you did.”
She gives him a look of confusion, her dark brows furrowing and her lips forming a pout.
“I know what its like, to want your brain to shut off. But why? Why do you want that? I thought you were happy…you always seem so-“
“Well maybe I only let people see what I want them to.” She interrupted him, feeling suddenly defensive. “And how would you know how I seem? I rarely see you these days kitty.”
A wave of embarrassment takes over him, eyes dropping to his lap. “I know, I’m sorry Marinette. Honestly, Ladybug has been acting strange for a while now and I- I spend a lot of time worrying about her. Waiting around for her. I know she can’t tell me what’s wrong because of our secret identities but still- I want to be there for her. If she needs me.”
It was true, Cat Noir used to visit Marinette often. Whether he would stop by on an unplanned patrol, or late at night just looking to talk. She didn’t realize how much she loved his company until it was replaced with his absence. It was just one more thing that left her feeling empty these days. But it was because of her this whole time? Because of Ladybug? She slid lower into the water, her knees protruding just barely above the bubbles as her upper half sunk in all the way up to her neck. “I’m sorry.” She muttered, unsure if he would even understand her.
“For what?”
“That ladybug treats you so awfully.”
Anguish, torment, suffering. Thats what she saw in his green eyes. And it made her hate herself even more.
“She doesn’t- She doesn’t treat me awfully. She has a life, and I get that. She has a lot of responsibility. And I know I can be purrrrty frustrating.”
The smile he flashes is pitiful to say the least. “Don’t you ever get mad at her?”
He shakes his head. “No, I used to, I guess. Well, not mad, just uh- disappointed. But I love her. I always have, always will. I just want her to be happy. Even if I’m not a part of it.”
Marinette goes silent at that. Guilt was not a strong enough word for what she felt. “Could you hand me a wash cloth? They’re in the drawer to your right.”
He grabbed a fluffy white cloth and handed it to her, she submerged it below the soapy surface, and began dragging it along her skin, making sure not to displace the bubbles too much. She ran it along her arms, and found it difficult to even lift them half way. When she reached for her back she nearly whimpered, her muscles screaming in agony before she gave up.
“Do you- Would you want some help?”
Her heart rate spiked. Why? She didn’t know. Chat was her friend. He was already in here while she was naked in the bath. He knew she was sore. She knew he wouldn’t do anything to make her uncomfortable. Yet her heart still raced. She only nodded in response, handing him the cloth as he inched closer.
“Here.” He whispered, gently pressing a hand to her shoulder, so that she would lean forward.
She shivered as he ran the cloth across her back. So gently, like he was afraid she might break. She pulled her legs up to her chest, resting her forehead atop her knees. After a while, she felt her breath slow. The sound of the water trickling enough to make her eyelids grow heavy. He ran the cloth across the back of her neck, past her shoulder blade, stopping at the curve of her shoulder. He hesitated before dipping it down her arm. Then back up. He repeated the motion on the other side, making sure to dunk the cloth back into the water to keep it warm. She realized suddenly that her thoughts had dissipated. Her mind felt empty, the way she desperately wanted it to every time she ran. But not in a numb way. It was peaceful, like a weight was lifted. A burden, even. Suddenly, she had the overwhelming urge to cry, and a small sob left her lips.
He pulled away instantly. “Did I do something?”
“No, I like it. A lot.”
Though a bit reluctant, he continued the motion. She wished he could wash her entire body. She would let him, if he wanted to. But she knew that would seem weird. So she took what she could get, and he stayed there, running slow circles over her back until her tears ran dry.