Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Thus far, Nyssa would say she wasn’t having the best time of her life. Well, not entirely true, as if she were actually asked by someone she would smile and nod vigorously. But no-one’s asking anyways. The party is cramped, loud, and smells mostly of sweat with a little mix of weed. Lovely.

She’s stood with her back to the wall, nursing a plastic cup of something vodka-y that realistically she has absolutely no intention of drinking. Everyone around her is drunk, dancing, making out, or a combination of all three.

And it’s not even that Nyssa doesn’t like parties, because she does. She thinks they must be fun, if you have the right people to spend them with. But she’s already a full term into her first year of university, and has yet to find “her people” (as her father had remarked she would). It’s not that she hasn’t tried exactly, just that she’s a little different to other people. And she’s met people, sure, and talks to lots of people. But she hasn’t found any sort of real closeness. 

Still, she has Adric. Adric, her insanely sharp brother, who is on a scholarship for maths, despite being nearly two years younger than her. He was, in fact, supposed to be accompanying her to this hellfest, before a last-minute assignment waylaid him. Adric could be a little acerbic at times, but the two siblings genuinely cared for each other, and as such he had made her promise to find a way to get home safely. Which was really the main reason why she had yet to leave this houseparty. 

Nyssa’s phone is dead (from staring at it to pass the time), and she’s ruminating on her options when someone falls directly onto her. Hard. Knocking the breath from her lungs.

“Ouch, watch yourself!” Nyssa snaps, pushing herself up onto her knees. Her tone then changes completely as she notices the state the other person is in. “Hey, are you okay?”

The other woman mutters something unintelligible, curled up on the floor. Nyssa deliberates for a second, then grabs the undersides of the other woman’s arms as she stands, hauling her up with her.

From here Nyssa is able to fully take stock of her assailant. She’s wearing a shiny white strappy top, with flowing black trousers and black pumps. She’s got a short pixie cut with short, jaggedy bangs. She would be quite pretty, were it not for the fact that she looks fit to collapse. Nyssa can feel that she’s taking the brunt of the other woman’s weight, and she can feel nails digging into her skin through her shirt as the other woman clings on for dear life. She quickly glances ‘round her. No-one seems to have noticed their collision at all. Or maybe they have and they just don’t care. In anycase Nyssa cannot, in good faith, leave this woman alone, so she pulls her by the hand and leads her from the room.

It takes forever to weave through the crowds of people who seem to pick the most inconvenient places to stand, but eventually Nyssa finds a bathroom (thanking the stars that it’s empty). She gets the girl sat on the floor against a large white bathtub, and then turns to lock the door behind them. The other girl still hasn’t said anything, which is incredibly worrying, but Nyssa focuses on immediate aid. She goes to the sink to wash out her cup (now empty from her fall) and fills it about half-way with water from the tap. She finds a flannel in a cupboard and wets it, bringing her haul down with her as she sits at the other woman’s side.

“You should drink this, it’ll help.” She pushed the cup into her hands.

“thanksss” mutters the other woman. She takes a clumsy gulp and nearly spills the entire thing, Nyssa’s hand shooting out to stabilise her. 

There is a moment's silence. Then…

“‘think I mighta had a bit too muchh.” slurs the other woman, and Nyssa can’t help but laugh at that, her first laugh in hours.

“I would say so, yes. My name’s Nyssa, by the way. What’s yours?”

“Tegan.” It’s here that Nyssa picks up on the accent, a strong Australian twang coming through with the word.

“Nice to meet you, Tegan. Although, I admit the circumstances could be better.”

She gets a soft chuckle at that, before Tegan pulls a face and makes a noise in the back of her throat. Immediately Nyssa jumps back into action, helping her over to the toilet just in time.

She’s not emetophobic, but she’s definitely not a fan either. Thankfully Tegan’s hair is short so there’s no frantic pulling it away from her face. Still, Nyssa does smooth her bangs off her sweaty forehead when she’s done. Tegan smiles softly at that, leaning into the touch for just a second before she groans and lowers her head to rest on her arm against the toilet seat.

Nyssa feels a pang of some emotion she can’t quite name there, but brushes it off. She’s not really sure what to do with herself. She can count on one hand the number of parties she’s been to in her life, and most of them didn’t involve alcohol. But she wants to find a way to comfort the Australian, and settles for rubbing gentle circles on her back, a gesture designed to soothe.

And at first it does. But then she hears a quiet “Don’t” pass from the other woman’s lips, and drops her hand immediately.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be. S’just I feel all spinny and sick and I don’t think I can bear it.”

“Do you… want me to go?”

“No, please. Just… don’t touch me for a bit?”

“Okay.” 

They sit in silence again, broken ever so often by pained little sounds from Tegan. Then she speaks again, in a voice so soft Nyssa nearly misses it altogether.

“Would you, I don’no… talk to me? I feel so sshit right now.”

“Sure. What about?”

“‘Nything.”

And so Nyssa does. She tells Tegan little random facts and anecdotes about her family, mostly about Adric but also her father and stepmother. Tegan doesn’t say much, but she’s clearly listening because her posture straightens and her little noises become more infrequent. Well, until she throws up again.

Nyssa doesn’t know how long they stay in the bathroom, but it must be at least an hour. The walls are strangely soundproof, the noises of the party so muffled you would have to strain to hear them. It’s an interesting way to experience a party, for sure. Tegan has thrown up once more, but she could tell (ewww) from the sound of it that it was largely bile. They wait a little while longer, bodies slowly numbing against the hard tile floor, before Nyssa broaches the idea of leaving.

“I haven’t got a way to get home, I came with my friend but she went home ages ago. ‘S why I got so sloshed, I think.”

“She went without you??”

“I said she could! In anycase, I was gonna crash in her dorm, but I honestly don’t think I could tell you the route right now. I live with my aunt, you see.”

“Oh okay. Well in that case you had better come home with me. I have a roommate, but it’s only my brother, and he’s definitely asleep by now.”

“No, I couldn’t ask that of you. I’ll… figure something out.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Tegan, you’re in no state to do anything of the sort! And in anycase, you’re not asking, I’m offering. In fact I’m insisting.” Nyssa finished with a mock forcefulness to her tone.

Tegan turned her head to look at Nyssa, a minute twinkle in her eye. “Ah well, I guess I have no choice in the matter.”

“No choice at all.” Nyssa reinforced, a soft smile playing on her lips.

Nyssa has a bit of a struggle to get the door to her accommodation open. Partly because her hands are so cold from the walk back, partly because she has Tegan tucked into her side. The ridiculous woman had brought no coat, only a small handbag that Nyssa had retrieved from a pile of belongings, along with her own coat. Her coat that is now tucked around the nearly comatose woman leaning on her. It just felt more important to keep her warm.

The upshot of this is that Nyssa feels like an ice block. It hadn’t helped that they had had to stop once along the way for Tegan to retch into a bush. She seemed better for it though, looking less grey and more just exhausted.

Finally Nyssa manages the key, and gets them both into the flat. From there, she gets Tegan settled in her bed, curled up on her side. She’s knocked right out before Nyssa can even finish pulling the covers over her.

She closes the door softly, before making her way quietly to the kitchenette. In the dim light, she prepares a glass of water to bring back, and then remembers about her phone, plugging it in to charge. This gives her the idea to look for Tegan’s phone, and she’s glad she does, as when she retrieves it from the tiny handbag the screen flashes with multiple missed calls and texts from several people. The phone has a password, but it turns out to literally be “1234”, (Seriously, Tegan?). Nyssa wonders briefly about the ethics of reading someone else’s texts, but decides it’s justified, given the situation.

Sarah <3 (18:38): What time are u getting here btws?

Sarah <3 (18:39): lol nvm

Sarah <3 (22:31): Hope ur having fun, sorry for ditching u, this headache’s honestly a bitch. Lmk how ur getting home and text me when u get there yh? xx

Sarah <3 (00:15): hey tegan just wanna check ur okay with getting home? text me ur plans, not to mother but I’m a lottle worried. I can wake harry or ace and ask them to com het you?

Harry S. (00:26): Hey Tegan, Sarah says you aren’t responding to her messages and you know how the old girl gets lol. Seriously, tho, even if you’re made at her or smt, can you let her ur safe pls?

Sarah <3 (00:45): Tegan seriously are you okay???

Aceeee (00:59): TEEGS ANSWER UR FKING MESSAHES COS TELL ME WHU IM GETTING WOKEN UP IN THE MIGDLE OF THE NIGHT BY SARASH JANE BLOODY SMITH? ARE YOU ALIVE???

Sarah <3 (01:12): you promised you’d leave before midnight and the radio silence is honestly scary, please call me back xx

Sarah <3 (02:38): tegan?

Nyssa’s frowning by the time she reaches the end of the thread of messages, and she’s not sure what to do. Thankfully, the choice is taken out of her hands as the phone lights up, quietly vibrating against her palm with the incoming call. She swipes up to answer it, but does not manage to get a single syllable out before the person on the other end of the line is yelling in her ear.

“TEGAN WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK UR PLAYING AT? Sarah’s been going out her MIND, you said you’d be home before midnight and it’s way past that! Are you okay?? She thinks you’re mad at her, honestly I think she’s half convinced herself you’re dead in a ditch somewhere and it’s all her fault! Well…?”

“Um, hi.” Nyssa speaks softly, her voice crackling a little from disuse.

“You’re not Tegan.”

“No, I’m not. My name is Nyssa-”

“Where’s Tegan? Has something happened??”

“She’s okay, honestly! Well, she’s drunk as a skunk and quite sick because of it. I’m so sorry, I honestly didn’t think to check for a phone until now, otherwise I’d have let you guys know. She was pretty out of it, she couldn’t remember how to get back to you and so I took her home with me. I promise I’m not a creep or anything, I study Computer Science and Molecular Biology at our uni, and I just wanted to make sure she was safe. She’s currently passed out in my room.”

“Jeesus. Okay. Thank you, for that. And I’m sorry if I was harsh earlier. It’s just, it’s not like her at all to go no contact, especially because… well. Doesn’t matter. And to drink like that…But she’s okay then? Thank fuck. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. I think it’s really sweet, how much you guys all care. I’d rather not wake her at the moment, but I promise you I’ll have her come see you guys tomorrow, so you know she really is fine.”

“Thank you. Thanks so much for this. I’ll let the others know, and I won’t keep you any longer.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye.”

Nyssa waits until the woman she assumed was Ace hangs up, and then takes her own phone off charge to plug in Tegan’s, as it was getting low.

She then slinks back into her own room to deposit the glass of water and briefly check on Tegan, who is sleeping peacefully. It feels weird to share the room, and as their flat is equipped with neither a living room nor a sofa, she makes her way across the hall and into Adric’s room. Her brother is asleep on the right side of the bed, and so she tiptoes around to the other side and curls up there.

In any other family this might have been a strange thing to do, but Nyssa and Adric had often shared beds throughout childhood and adolescence, as both had suffered with nightmares at different times in their lives, and had found this to be a sticking plaster for the issue. She knows that he will not be perturbed to find her there upon waking.

As she lets her tiredness overtake her, she muses a little on how odd the situation she had found herself in tonight was. I just spent nearly the entire night taking care of some girl I don’t even know. And I don’t even mind.

Chapter Text

Tegan woke up and immediately wished she hadn’t. The room was dark, but she could feel a pounding in her temples nonetheless, and her mouth tasted like booze and acid. She rolled over onto her front and shoved her face into the pillow with a small groan. So much for a chill fun night with friends.

It was then that she clocked that she was not, in fact, in her own room. Nor was she in Sarah’s like she had intended to be. The pillow surrounding her smelled like honey, comforting and oddly familiar, and as she rolled back onto her side, she was met with rich blue curtains that were letting in thin streams of light around the edges.

And it was then that the previous night’s events began to make their way back to her, slowly and with a decent helping of mortification. I got that drunk? And I made a TOTAL STRANGER take care of me. Oh rabbits.

She sat up gingerly and rubbed harshly over her face with a hand, before making her way to the en-suite. Before pulling the light cord, she braced herself for whatever monstrosity of day-old makeup was about to make itself known, but after blinking blearily at her reflection, she decided it could be much worse. She scooped up water with her hands and brought it to her mouth to rinse it out, before splashing water on her face and turning out the light.

As she returned into Nyssa’s bedroom, she took a moment to take it in. The closed curtains meant that all the furniture was coated in murky shadows, but opening them was simply not an option. The room was modestly sized, with a bed, shelves, a desk and such-like. In one corner of the room sat a large wicker chair, with clothes folded and hung on the back of it. The desk was strewn with papers and workbooks, and the shelves were crammed with books, framed photos obscuring them and fairylights (switched off) hanging beneath them. The gloom meant that any faces and words were nearly impossible to make out. It really was, in Tegan’s opinion, quite lovely. Not to mention the tidiest uni room I’ve ever seen. She returned to sit on the bed, and as she made her way over, finally noticed the glass of water sitting on the nightstand, a very welcome gift. She drank it down in big gulps, and once she was done, sat staring. It was time to face the music.

Midday sun was shining through a large window in the first room she walked into, which proved to be a small kitchen. Standing with her back to her was her knight-in-shining-armour from last night. Now sober (and as-yet unnoticed), Tegan took a moment to examine the other woman. Nyssa was busy doing something with mugs and a kettle, and her dark curls bounced as she moved to and fro. Light grey joggers were paired with a maroon tank top, which was riding up slightly over her hips. Tegan definitely wasn’t looking at her hips.

She cleared her throat then, feeling it best to make herself known before the staring became too creepy. Nyssa jumped slightly, before turning around to lean awkwardly against the counter.

“Uh, hi.”

“Hey. You sleep okay?”

“Yes, thank you…I, uh, look. I just wanna say thank you for everything you did for me last night, and I’m so sorry for ruining your night and putting that burden on you.”

The other girl’s face contorted with a pang of something, perhaps sympathy?

“It wasn’t that great a night anyways, you honestly weren’t putting anything on me. Although, you’ve got a lot of friends who seemed pretty concerned about you. I told them you’d check in, go see them today, I hope that’s okay?”

“Yeah fine. Seriously, you’re being remarkably nice about this whole thing. If there’s anything I can do to make up for it?-”

“Tegan, it’s fine. Would you like a cup of tea? Earl Grey.”

“No thanks, not a big tea person.”

“Alright. Oh, your phone’s on the counter by the way, and I put your bag by the door.”

“Thank you.”

The kitchen fell silent then, as Nyssa sipped her tea and Tegan retrieved the aforementioned article. She could feel icy blue eyes on the back of her neck as she scrolled through oh my stars, that’s a lot of messages and quickly fired off a question about meeting up to Sarah. The response was instant, full of exclamation marks, and Tegan wondered briefly if her ears had gone bright red. 

Sarah <3 (14:45): Um YES??? My goodness Tegan don’t do that ever again!!! You scared the life out of us (me) like oh my lord. Thank the stars you’re safe!

Sarah <3 (14:45): out until 4 but any time after then x

It was coming up to six pm when Tegan found herself making her way up the steps to her friends’ building. It had taken even longer than anticipated to get back home, some work being done on the tube or something, and then she’d had to endure an earful from her Auntie about the dangers of going out before she could even start to think about taking a nice hot shower and changing her clothes. She hadn’t even really had enough time to style her hair, going for speed and efficiency, and so her loose curls were a little all over the place, bangs getting in her eyes as she stepped up and rang the bell for the top floor flat. Once buzzed in she made her way up, anxiety pooling in her belly at the thought of the telling off she was about to receive.

She pushed open the door, which was unlocked ready for her, and was almost immediately barrelled into by Sarah, who pulled her into a bone-crushing hug.

“Please don’t do that ever again. I thought I’d left you all alone and got you killed!”

“Hey, hey, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry.” Tegan pulled back, so Sarah could see how serious her face was.

“Okay. Come on, let’s go through.” Sarah set off, holding Tegan’s hand and pulling her with her, almost as though she were an anchor. Tegan didn’t protest, she knew why Sarah was like this, what with her parents and all, and she truly did feel terrible for being the cause of her stress. 

Ace and Harry were sat in the communal living room, Harry doodling absentmindedly on the corner of one of his notebooks, Ace chucking a tennis ball against the wall above the TV that was on low, playing some sci-fi show. Tegan could see the paint had chipped in a few places. Might be tough on the deposit.  Both looked up as the other two entered.

“Look who’s not dead!”

“Shuddup Ace.” Tegan said as she dropped onto the sofa next to her, Sarah returning to her usual armchair.

“Hangover?” asked Harry

“Not really, surprisingly.”

And that was the end of the talk on the subject for a while, the three friends moving on to more mundane subjects such as next week’s classes, until the topic was raised again by Ace.

“What about the girl from last night?”

Tegan sighed, slightly peeved to be back on the subject. “What about her.”

“What went on there? She seemed nice.”

“She really is.” Tegan began to stare at some midpoint in space as she retold the night's events. She missed the glances that traveled between her friends, as she described the pretty girl who had taken such great care over her, despite them being relative strangers. All with a soft smile playing across her lips. When she had finished, there was a moment of silence, then Ace piped up.

“And is this ‘Nyssa’ a potential love interest?”

“What?? No! ‘Love interest’, really Ace? She’s sweet, is all!”

“Mhm, mhm sure.”

“Just because you like every woman that moves!”

“And get them! Which is more than you can say, your love life is bo-oring!” Harry and Sarah laughed at that.

Tegan leant back into the sofa cushions, a look of mock hurt on her face. Ace wasn’t wrong, her love life was fairly non-existent. But that was how she liked it. She never seemed to particularly enjoy being with men, and in any case she needed to focus on her studies. She hadn’t left her life and family behind to come here just to mess about with guys. She shook herself mentally, and rejoined the conversation.

Chapter Text

A few weeks went by, and Tegan was settling back into uni life. All thoughts of the party and Nyssa were pretty much banished from her mind, replaced with thoughts of coursework and deadlines. It seemed ridiculous that the workload should only have increased in this second semester to her. It was bad enough before. Over Christmas, she had managed to get somewhat ahead, what with not going home, and her Auntie spending a lot of her time at work. She had had a lot of free time, and had spent hours in her room sketching. However, now she found that she was slipping somewhat behind, as for some reason her seminars were making her head hurt, and everything she produced in workshops was deemed unsatisfactory, either by her or by her professor. She spent many sleepless nights just staring at her primed canvas, or scrolling mindlessly through Pinterest. 

As a result, on this particular morning, she was exceedingly tired, and decided to stop off at the SU in her break. All her friends were busy, which sucked, but the promise of sweet sweet caffeine was more than enough motivation. She walked up to the counter through the crowded seating area, and placed her order, before turning around, eyes scanning the room for any free table. There was no such luck. She sighed softly, mentally preparing herself to go back out into the cold, before light brown eyes met icy blue. Nyssa was sat at a corner table, tucked away in such a manner that Tegan would have missed her entirely had she not been looking up to draw her attention. Tegan smiled hopefully, Nyssa smiled back invitingly, and so the Australian retrieved her drink from the barista and carefully made her way over.

“Thanks, you’ve just saved my life!” Tegan said with a light joking tone, as she sat down across from the other girl.

“I think that’s a slight overstatement, don’t you?” Nyssa replied, a grin playing across her lips as she dipped her head back down to her textbooks. Tegan craned her neck until it was almost upside down in an attempt to read the cover of the nearest one.

“Lab-Laboratory and Scientific Computing. Oh yuck, poor you!”

“You have some thoughts on my choice of degree then, Tegan?”

Nyssa looked up at her with those bright eyes, eyebrows raised, and for a moment Tegan forgot how to formulate sentences. She covered it up with her usual bravado, though.

“Well- I- Yes, I mean, depends on what it actually is, but that looks dense as anything.”

“Computer Science and Molecular Biology.”

“Oh, wow. So you’re like SMART smart then.”

“I really don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or not.”

Tegan sipped at her drink, smiling again. “It is, truly. I don’t think I could ever wrap my head around all that scientific jargon.”

Nyssa had previously been taking notes in sharp, neat pencil, but here she paused and looked up at Tegan once more, a quizzical look on her face. “I think you sell yourself short, Tegan, really I-”

“Do you keep calling me by my name just to prove you know it?” Tegan teased.

Nyssa’s mouth flapped for a moment, her cheeks going comically pink. “I- what? No, I… I just think it’s pretty, that’s all.”

Tegan hadn’t expected that response, and to be honest it threw her off her game a little. She quickly recovered. 

“Well, if we’re doing naming, let’s do full names. Tegan Jovanka.”

“Nice to meet you, Tegan Jovanka, I’m Nyssa Traken.”

The two women laughed, shaking hands in an overexaggerated manner across the table.

There was a pause then, as Nyssa returned to her studies and Tegan to her coffee. It was swiftly broken as Nyssa raised her head.

“Sorry, I realised I never even asked what you do!”

Tegan scoffed gently at that, “Nah, don’t even worry about it. And you mean apart from getting blackout drunk?”

“Yes, ha. In terms of your course.”

“Fine arts. Although it’s not so fine at the moment.”

Nyssa put down her pencil. “What do you mean by that?”

Tegan mentally reprimanded herself. “Don’t worry about it, forget I said anything, it’s not important.”

Nyssa looked as though she were going to inquire further, but evidently thought better of it, instead changing the topic back to her own course.

“It’s really not that intense, I know how it looks! I find it quite entertaining, reading the literature and deciphering its meaning.”

“You are such a nerd.”

Nyssa pulled such a comical scowl at that and Tegan felt a rush of something warm in her chest. 

Nyssa looked somewhat stricken, then, as though she were working herself up to a question.

“I- I could explain it to you? If you wanted?”

Tegan looked at her, contemplating. She really had no interest in computer science, but Nyssa looked so shy and hopeful, looking up at her with her wide eyes.

“Alright then. Although I can’t promise I’ll understand a word that comes out of your mouth, just sayin’.”

…

A half hour later, and Tegan had to set off for the studio. She and Nyssa had been talking essentially nonstop, and she would have felt bad about distracting her from her studies, had half of it not been what was actually a very interesting and thorough explanation of Nyssa’s book. Tegan was definitely glad to have entered into the conversation, not least because it turned out that when Nyssa explained the subject, she did actually understand most of it. It had also just been lovely to watch the other girl express herself so passionately. But Tegan had extended her time here the longest possible amount before she would definitely be late, and so she made her excuses and packed up her stuff. She turned to leave, and had almost reached the door before she thought of something and rushed back over.

“Tegan?”

“Sorry, I really do have to go- I’m going to be late, but could I get your number?” She was breathing heavily from her quick turn around, and felt, for some reason, somewhat nervous. Nyssa looked up at her, beaming. Then she reached into her pencil case and pulled out a blue biro. She reached for Tegan’s hand, her fingers warm yet Tegan shivered, and quickly penned eleven digits across the smooth skin. Her hand lingered for a second there, and Tegan felt her breathing stutter.

“Call me whenever. Now go, seriously, you’ve only got ten minutes!”

For the rest of the day, Tegan found herself somewhat distracted. The shine of the ink on the back of her hand would catch her attention, and she’d find herself thinking of the blue-eyed brunette. Was it too soon to call them friends? Surely it was, and yet she felt such a desire to be close to this girl. She wanted to get to know everything about her, stronger than she ever had with any other friend.

It wasn’t until she got home that she finally input the number into her phone, and even then she didn’t wash the ink off. Then she sat and stared at the screen for a good ten minutes dithering over how to start a conversation, before chucking it face down on her mattress and pulling out her sketchbook. She started with some warm-up sketches, just loose shapes, and then stared at the next blank page in annoyance. The task for this week was to use the techniques they had covered this week to create a piece ‘Close to the heart’. What does that even mean?? She sighed and retrieved her phone to pull up a reference of her brothers.

Twenty minutes later, the page was a mess of watercolour and ink, and Tegan was on YouTube, mindlessly watching video after video, tears of frustration drying but still visible on her cheeks. In reality, it had been a perfectly fine piece of art, but from her point of view the likeness was off, the linework shoddy, and the overall effect underwhelming. She had had to take a break after scribbling over it over and over, and narrowly resisting throwing the book across the room.

She was scrolling through her homepage, looking for something to watch next, when a certain video caught her eye, entitled ‘DIY: Paper flowers’. 

She watched the whole thing through, engrossed. Then she watched it again. Then she pulled coloured paper out of her art box and set to work. It was very soothing, much more so than she had expected, looping and folding, and before long she had amassed a vibrant bouquet. She grabbed an empty paint water glass and carefully set them upright in it, before returning to her sketchbook and forcing herself back to work. It was 4am before she finally finished the portrait, and she passed out at her desk, unable to get up and over to the bed.

Chapter Text

“Teegs you look dead on your feet. You good?”

This came from Ace, who slid her coffee across the table to where Tegan had just dropped into a seat. The group were sat in the SU, at a square table near the back, in a break that they conveniently all shared.

“Yeah, Tegan, you look tired as anything.”

“Wonderful. Thanks guys.” Tegan grumbled, taking a sip of Ace’s drink, pulling a face and pushing it back with an air of false politeness. “I’m fine, just didn’t sleep so good.”

The group seemed to accept her answer, returning to their earlier conversation as the Australian fought hard against the urge to drop her head hard against the wood of the table. She pulled out her phone in an attempt to stimulate herself before she fell asleep on the spot. A couple of memes from Ace and a spam email, nothing particularly interesting. But as she went to put the phone down on the table she caught sight of the ink and remembered. Nyssa. She opened messages again and, annoyed with herself for not making contact, began to compose a message. She’ll think I’m rude, I should have reached out last night. Honestly, Tegan.

Across the room, Nyssa’s phone pinged. She didn’t check it immediately, first finishing her calculation and then checking it to make sure she was right in her hypothesis. She was. Satisfied, she opened the message.

Unknown Number (11:22): hi, it’s tegan, sorry for not messaging earlier but yh, hi :)

Smiling softly, she added the number to her contacts and set about responding.

Conversation started (11:24):

Nyssa x : Haha no worries lol, hru?

Tegan :) : been better, you know how it gets. U?

Nyssa x : Oh I’m sorry to hear that! I’m alright, just trying to get through some equations for next class x

Tegan :) : oh sorry, I shouldn’t distract you

Nyssa x : You’re not!

Nyssa x : Well you are, but I don’t mind, honestly

Tegan :) : lmaoooo

Nyssa x : You know, I would love to see your art sometime? If you wouldn’t mind?

Tegan chewed on her lip, unsure how to respond, given her current relationship with her art. She began to type, deleted the message, and then was rendered unable to respond by Sarah snatching the phone out of her hands.

“There’s this thing called being antisocial, Tegan. Don’t suppose you’ve heard of it?” she quipped sarcastically.

“Oh shush.” replied Tegan, snatching it back. As she returned her eyes to the screen, she heard Sarah scoff, and Ace ask teasingly “Is that a new boyfriend then, Little Miss Protective?”

Nyssa x : It’s fine if not, sorry, I know it’s probably personal xx

Tegan :) : no don’t worry about it, I’d be happy to show you at somepoint

Technically not a lie, probably.

Tegan :) : I didn’t mean to leave you on read just then btw, just my mates being arses (they took my phone)

Nyssa x : Oh okay XD

Nyssa x : I shouldn’t keep you then if ur with people?

Tegan :) : well you could join us?

Tegan :) : only if you wanted to, no pressure

Tegan :) : we r in SU x

Nyssa x : I don’t know…

Nyssa x : Do you think they’d like me?

Tegan :) : of course! I mean they can be arses and sometimes a little intense, but they’re nice I swear! XD

Nyssa x : Okay x

Nyssa packed up quickly and made her way towards the table at the back, chewing on her lip as she went, her desire to see Tegan warring with the idea of meeting new people.

…

Thus far, Tegan was delighted to see that everyone was getting along. Nyssa’s quiet sense of humour gelled well with the sharper sarcasms of the girls and Harry’s deadpan puns. The table wasn’t massive and they were all sat very close, Harry, Ace and Sarah on one side, and Tegan and Nyssa on the other, barely an inch between them, the others sat practically on top of each other. Tegan liked watching Nyssa talk, the other woman alternated between animated and subdued in such a fascinating manner, so much so that she wasn’t so much paying attention to the words leaving her mouth, but her mouth and face as a whole.

Until something else caught her attention. Ace had leaned in to Harry to say something and the whole group was laughing, their focus on her. But Nyssa’s hands were moving under the table. She was wearing a long white maxi skirt, her hands clasped upon it, and she was quietly picking and scratching at herself, red lines streaking pale skin, in complete contrast with her lighthearted and relaxed manner as the conversation continued.

Tegan didn’t know what to do, she assumed this was some sort of anxiety soothing something-or-other, but she didn’t want Nyssa hurting herself. Almost without thinking, she reached out under the table to cover the closest hand with her own. She didn’t look at the other woman (who jumped minutely), instead making some sarcastic remark about Ace and setting the whole group off again.

She panicked internally over whether she had crossed some sort of line in their friendship, but then she felt Nyssa’s hand move and take her own, placing their intertwined limbs on the seat between them. She glanced to her left to see a soft smile playing on the blue-eyed girl’s face, and returned it, before once more returning to the conversation.

…

Nyssa didn’t let go until it was time to leave, and it was making it hard for Tegan to think straight. She was glad to see, however, that the red streaks from blunt nails had now faded almost entirely. The group left in a staggered manner, such that Tegan and Nyssa found themselves leaving together, Tegan for a lecture, Nyssa for the computer lab.

It was, somehow, even colder outside, yet the two women stood under the awning of the SU for a moment, neither wanting to part, but both knowing they had to. Tegan found herself wanting to bring up the hand-holding, but was spared from agonising over it by Nyssa herself.

“That was really lovely, meeting your friends. And thank you, for what you did.”

“No problem…can I ask what that was? And I’m sorry, if I did something to cause that.”

“Oh no Tegan, that wasn’t you! It’s just, sometimes, talking to people…I find it stressful.”

“...Do you find talking to me stressful?”

Nyssa smiled. “You aren’t just people.”

There was a pause there, and Tegan felt something heavy pass between them, something unnameable. At some point, she wasn’t sure when, they seemed to have gotten closer. Tegan’s field of vision seemed to be taken over by light eyes, and she felt like time had stopped.

Then Nyssa’s arms were around her, in a brief but firm hug, and the next second she was several steps away, waving over her shoulder as she set off on her route to class. Tegan blinked, shook herself, and set off in the other direction, at a more brisk pace than usual.

Chapter Text

This day was structured such that Tegan was stuck at uni until late, a fact she resented with all her heart. After her break with her friends in the morning, she had a lecture and a workshop back-to-back, followed by a half hour’s break, and then a three hour studio session. This meant that not only would she only get more exhausted from here on out, she would have to make her way home long after it had gotten properly dark.

She was currently about half an hour into the studio session, and already debating knocking back some turpentine to get her out of it. She was working on a multimedia piece, again under the theme ‘Close to the heart’, but this time the focus point was ‘Social Causes and Injustices’. She was using various pictures from back home, from her work with Australian indigenous peoples in senior secondary, layering real photos and acrylic paintwork. 

This piece was actually something she had felt quite inspired and motivated to create, as it combined two of her passions, but due to her terrible sleep the night before and the length of the session, she was struggling to enjoy the experience. All throughout her lecture (and ever since) there had been a buzzing feeling behind her eyes, and since she said goodbye to her friends the main thing calling her name had been her bed. 

She pulled out a pair of wired earbuds from her bag, fiddling around to sort out the tangled pile (which did not improve her mood), in the hopes that the music would allow her to get more ‘in the zone’. She had already fitted one side into her ear, and was fiddling around with her phone when she felt a tap on her shoulder.

She turned to find a tall-ish man standing directly behind her, smiling sheepishly. He had dark eyes, a bit of a flimsy moustache, and sandy blonde hair. He was, she supposed, quite good-looking (if you were into that sort of thing).

“Hi!” the man said brightly.

“Uh, hi?”

“Sorry to bother you, when you’re so in the zone, but I just wanted to say that looks amazing!” He made a vague gesture towards her canvas.

“Thanks.”

“I’m William.”

“Tegan.”

The pair shook hands, a little stiffly. There was a moment's silence, and then William began to speak once more.

“Look, can I be upfront? I’ve seen you around since last term and I think you’re really quite beautiful, and so I was wondering if you would be up for going out to dinner with me?”

Tegan wasn’t quite sure why, but she felt herself stiffen at this. She took a moment to mull the idea over in her head. It had truly been ages since her last date, after a brief whirlwind freshers fling that had mostly been for a laugh, and maybe Ace was right. William seemed nice enough (although he was looking at her with a weird mix of hangdog and cockiness right then that she could really do without)...And he wasn’t unattractive. A date could get her out of her head a bit, and maybe provide some valuable stress relief. It couldn’t hurt.

“Uh, sure.”

The man smiled, all teeth. “Brilliant. I’ll give you my number then.”

He held out his hand expectantly, and she placed her phone into it wordlessly. It can’t hurt.

Nyssa left the computer lab, but she didn’t go home, instead heading to the library. She liked the quiet, studious atmosphere there, and often found that it increased her productivity. Something that she desperately needed today, as she was finding it exceedingly hard to focus. She could still feel the ghost of Tegan’s hand in hers, could still see her smile, see her standing outside the SU, seared into her mind. Could still hear her laugh echo. Pull yourself together, girl, you’ve only known her for a couple of weeks. You can’t be this hung up over her!

But she was. She knew she was developing a sizable crush on the Australian, and just hoped to the stars that nobody else could tell. There was just something about her. She had this way of looking at Nyssa like nobody had ever looked at her before. Like she really saw her.

Nyssa got herself settled in a corner upstairs, decently tucked away, in the hopes of not being disturbed. She was almost done reviewing her notes when she heard rather than saw someone making their way over to her. She looked up to see a familiar dark head of hair, and smiled, albeit a little apprehensively. Sarah was wearing an earthy sweater-vest over a white shirt, and had a satchel slung over her shoulder. She waved a little awkwardly, and then hovered a couple of feet away.

“Mind if I sit here?”

“Not at all.”

The two worked in silence, the only sounds being the rustling of newspaper pages, and the scratching of Nyssa’s pen.

Every now and then, Nyssa could see the other girl’s eyes flit from her page to Nyssa and back again, as if she was working herself up to saying something. Eventually she did.

“Can I ask you something?”

Nyssa nodded.

“What’s going on with you and Tegan?”

Nyssa stopped breathing. Her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. “I don’t know what you mean.” She muttered, head down, pretending to work.

“I think you do. For one thing, I’ve seen the way you look at each other. For another, you just wrote seven threes in a row and that’s not even a maths question.”

Nyssa finally looked at her then, and something in her eyes must have betrayed her panic, because Sarah took pity on her.

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad, in fact me and Ace think it’s quite sweet. She’s decided your ship name should be ‘Tyssa’.”

“What?”

“I know. But it beats ‘Negan’ I suppose.”

Nyssa couldn’t believe she was hearing this. She couldn’t believe her little crush was so blindingly obvious. Still, she needed to set Sarah straight. “We’re just friends.”

“If you say so. But for what it’s worth, she lit up today the second she saw you. And she’s been having a really crummy time of it lately.”

Nyssa straightened up, frowning. “What do you mean, what’s wrong?”

“Art block, as far as we can tell, although she won’t talk about it. But I guess it’s her business, you know?”

Nyssa nodded slowly. The conversation slowly fizzled out, and the two continued working in near-silence, but Sarah’s words played in Nyssa’s head on repeat, and would continue to do so on-and-off for weeks later.

Chapter Text

Time passed, and as it did Tegan was pleased to find Nyssa becoming more and more of an integral member of their little group. In every spare moment, she and her friends would hang out either at the flat or in the SU, the whole lot of them squished into a little booth, practically on top of each other.

They had also acquired another member, a bright, sweet girl called Jo, who Sarah had met on her course, and had become firm friends with. Jo was the sort of person who knew exactly what she stood for, and was very no-nonsense about it (a proud activist), and as such Tegan and Ace had been enamoured with her immediately.

Tegan was still struggling with her course, but after a teary phone call late one night with Nyssa, had found comfort from the other girl. Tegan’s sketchbooks and other materials could often be found in Nyssa’s room, as they had discovered that Tegan found it easier to create with the other girl around, like all the weight and pressure of expectations just lifted. Nyssa herself would usually be running code or reading in the background, and Tegan helped her right back in return by bringing her drinks and snacks, and reminding her to take breaks whenever she got frustrated.

Tegan had also discovered that it was difficult to get a good likeness of Nyssa. Oftentimes, when she found herself getting upset, she would set aside her uni sketchbook and bring out her personal, glancing over at the other girl and creating quick sketches of her profile. However there was just something ethereal, something so unusually beautiful and otherworldly about her that Tegan could never seem to trap on the page. She found this more interesting than frustrating, and as a result had accumulated dozens of pages of attempts. Sometimes, late at night in her own room, she would find herself flicking through them.

She never called William. In the days after he gave her his number, she thought about it. Dates could be fun, but in reality she couldn’t see it going beyond that, and she wasn’t much in the market for a half-arsed hookup.

He cornered her about it after class one evening, and although she politely explained her feelings about the longevity of any potential relationship, he had been exceedingly rude, called her frigid, and even now she could still feel his stares on her in classes. He was resoundingly ignored every time this happened.

Life was, in short, pretty even for Tegan. Until the day that Nyssa let slip that it was her birthday.

The group was sat in Ace, Harry and Sarah’s flat. Although Nyssa too was in student accommodation, the only person who visited hers was Tegan, who Adric tolerated. He had been invited several times to join the hangout, but had remarked that he ‘didn’t see the point’ of hanging out, and the matter had been dropped. And, of course, Tegan lived far too far away for the gang to possibly spend any of their time there. So, here they were, in the living room.

Ace, Jo and Sarah were sprawled haphazardly across the two-seater sofa, a big muddle of legs and arms, while Harry was sitting in the first of the two big armchairs, playing some game on his phone and hardly noticing the goings on around him. Tegan was sitting in the other armchair, and Nyssa perched on the arm of it, her own arm around Tegan’s neck for support, the light pressure and the smell of her perfume making it somewhat difficult for Tegan to focus on the conversation.

An article that Sarah was currently writing about the British judiciary system had got them onto the topic of the US system, from there to politics, and from there to drinking laws.

“Just imagine having to wait until you’re twenny-one to go on a night out!” exclaimed Ace. “I don’t think I could hack it.”

“Seriously, Ace?” Sarah’s tone indicated that this was a rhetorical question, as she knew exactly what Ace was like.

“Just think about it for a min! We’d all have to wait like three more years! Except for you Tegan, it’d be two for you.”

“And for me.” Nyssa uttered, so quietly that Tegan nearly missed it. What she didn’t miss was the clamouring that followed.

“Aren’t you eighteen?”

“It’s my birthday today.”

“WHAT?? I’m sorry, were you just not gonna tell us this VITAL PIECE OF INFORMATION??”

“It’s only a birthday! I didn’t think it mattered?”

“‘COURSE it does! We’re your friends, Nyssa! We’re supposed to spoil you rotten.”

“And it’s a chance to get shitfaced, is what she’s not saying!” piped up Jo, a wicked little grin on her face. Sarah hit her on the arm for that, but her face said she agreed with the statement.

Nyssa laughed good-naturedly. “I didn’t even think of that!”

“Of course you didn’t, you’re an angel.” Tegan said, half-joking. She was rewarded by one of those soft smiles, and a pair of bright eyes meeting hers. She didn’t notice the outbreak of elbowing and glances that the interaction sparked, over on the sofa.

“We should go out, though.” Sarah said. “Celebrate you a bit, you know?”

There were sounds of agreement from everyone, and before long it had been decided that they would go to the club on Friday night, after pre-drinking and cake at the flat. Not long after that, Nyssa made her excuses, and Tegan left with her, to walk her home.

At the bottom of the stairs, she took the lead to open the door for Nyssa, and the other girl teased her, calling her a ‘gentleman’. In response, Tegan held out her arm in an overexaggerated manner. She was not expecting anything to come of it, but Nyssa took the proffered limb, and thus the two set off, linked comfortably.

For a while, they didn’t talk, but eventually Tegan mustered up enough courage to ask the question that had been looping in her mind ever since they had left the flat.

“Are you comfortable, with us going out? I mean, I know you aren’t the biggest fan of being around new people.”

Nyssa looked at her then, a soft something shining in her eyes. “I think so?”

There was silence for a moment, and then she continued, in the manner of someone expressing their train of thoughts as it comes to them.

“It’s not really people, though, is it? I mean, there will be people, and lights and sounds too, but I’ll be with you, with you guys. And so I think it’s fine?”

“Okay, if you’re sure. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, remember that. It’s meant to be about you, even if Ace says it’s about drinking.”

Nyssa laughed there. The two women crossed the street, nearly at their destination by now. Tegan took a breath and then continued.

“And you… you will tell me if it gets to be too much? Just say the word and we can be out of there before you can say ‘Rabbits’!”

“I will, I promise. Thank you, Tegan.”

Nothing particularly pertinent was said after that, and they shortly reached Nyssa’s place, parting with a long hug. 

…

Nyssa stood in the doorway and watched the retreating figure until it was no longer visible. Then she turned and went inside. Adric was in the kitchen, making cup-a-noodles to eat in his room. He wished her a happy birthday before he went, and then the young woman was left with only her thoughts for company.

It was so sweet of Tegan to check in like that. Stars I’m screwed. 

Her crush on the other woman had only grown exponentially, and she didn’t know what to do about it. She wanted, desperately, to believe what Sarah had said about mutuality. But she knew that Tegan saw her as a friend. She was also 100% sure that the other woman was straight as a ruler. Well, more like 98.99%. Have to allow for some margin of error, no matter how small. And unlikely.

Nyssa put the kettle on, and set about making food.

In all honesty, the idea of going clubbing was about the least attractive thing to her. But the thought of being out with Tegan, and maybe (just maybe) getting to dance with her? Well… that would make it all worth it.

Chapter Text

Friday rolled around, and Tegan was running substantially late to pres, after spending a long while stressing over her outfit. She had straightened her hair again, for the first time in weeks, and had then stood in her bra and jeans, staring blankly at the pile of rejected outfits that littered her bed. In the end she had gone with a tight black t-shirt that hugged her curves in all the right places, paired with a silvery sequined skirt and sheer black tights. She had smoked out her eyeliner, and gone with a bolder reddish lipstick than she would normally wear. She had then pulled on a pair of flats, a leather jacket, before yelling goodnight to her Auntie and rushing out the door.

It had been decided (via texts) that she would stay the night at Nyssa’s. For some reason, this made her flush a little every time she thought of it. She steeled herself, and clutched tighter at the handles of the Tesco plastic bag in her hand. As she had been leaving, it had suddenly occurred to her that she hadn’t thought to get Nyssa any sort of present. She had panicked, her eyes frantically scanning her room for viable options, finally settling on the paper flowers, still on her desk. They really were gorgeous, and Tegan had put a lot of care into making them. A beautiful present for a beautiful girl. Before she could second-guess herself, she had scooped them up and brought them with her. She was late enough as it was, no turning back possible.

…

Somebody buzzed her in, and she made her way up to the flat with ease. Everybody was stood milling around the kitchen table, which was littered with vodka, cans, and big bottles of fizzy drink. Everybody except for Jo, who had gone to a protest earlier, and gotten herself in legal trouble. Again. She’d gotten out of it, but was now grounded for the foreseeable future by her parents.

Heads turned as Tegan made her way across the room, and Ace, ever the flirt (even amongst friends) let out a low whistle.

“Sheesh, Teegs. Give a girl a warning, I could have dropped dead from how gorgeous you look!”

Tegan blushed and lowered her head, while the others laughed good-naturedly. “Shuddup, Ace.”

She looked up as she went to stand beside Nyssa. The other girl seemed to have been staring at her, as she looked away with a sharp turn of the head. As she turned to face her, Tegan could have sworn that her cheeks were unusually pink.

“You okay, Nys?”

“Fine! Per-perfectly fine.” The other girl ducked her head to her glass, her voice having come out unusually squeaky as she had spoken. She tilted her head back to take a longer drink, and Tegan found her eyes drawn to the bobbing of a long, pale throat, before she shook herself and went to get a drink.

…

The group hit the streets just after it hit midnight, stopping off first at Nyssa’s to drop off the flowers. When Tegan had offered them, Nyssa flung her arms around her neck, breath hot on her cheek. 

“I take it you like them?”

“Oh Tegan, I love them!”

Currently, Ace was awkwardly skipping ahead, while Sarah rode on Harry’s back, singing in his ear as he winced. Tegan and Nyssa were a little ways behind, walking side by side. Tegan was a pleasant kind of drunk, sitting at a level where life felt bright and good, and her face tingly. She knew, dimly, that she was smiling some dopey great grin every time she looked over at her friend. She was also experiencing the type of drunkenness that makes every thought the right thought to say, and every action the right thing to do. As such, she voiced what she had been feeling about Nyssa, not just since she had seen her that night, but since they had been friends. 

“Do you know, you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever met? And you look amazing tonight. Well, you always look amazing, but even more so tonight, and I didn’t get a chance to tell you that earlier, and I’m sorry about that. You really are an angel you know? Like seriously-”

“Tegan-”

“No I mean it.” Tegan continued. “You’re too good for this world, it’s like you’re an alien or something. Only a pretty alien. With great hair.”

Nyssa’s mouth flapped, unable to formulate a response. In the end she just stayed silent.

“Nyssa?”

“Yes, Tegan?”

“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”

The two stopped, looking into each other’s eyes, and even in her inebriated state, Tegan could tell she’d said something wrong. The other girl’s lip wobbled, and her whole body radiated tension. Then, without a word more, she turned and ran to catch up with the others.

Chapter Text

The second they got into the club, Nyssa made a beeline for the bar. At this point, she didn’t care that the drinks would cost a fortune. Anything to make her heart stop hurting. Tegan had said such lovely things. And then topped it off with those seven words that broke the other girl.

It was fine. She was fine. The club was awash with harsh pink lights and the music pumping so loud she could feel it deep within her. But she was fine. She just needed to drink a bit more, and everything would be fine.

…

Everybody else except Tegan made their way onto the dance floor upon arrival. Instead, the Australian mouthed a few words to the others, before ducking after the flash of a blue silk dress and brown curls that was Nyssa shooting off into the crowd. She searched for what felt like years, pushing her way through sweaty bodies with muttered half-hearted apologies. All the while, she could feel a lump rising in her throat.

What did I say? I’ve ruined her night, and I don’t even know what I said.

Tegan couldn’t bear the thought of having ruined her relationship with the person nearest and dearest to her. The alcohol was exacerbating her stress, and she found herself somewhat panicking.

What if I lose her?? I can’t lose her!

She didn’t know what she would do without Nyssa in her life. Her head jerked as she frantically scanned the room, before, at last, she caught sight of her, sat at a smaller, second bar at the very back of the club. She had seen Nyssa, but Nyssa hadn’t seen her yet, and as Tegan slowly made her way over, her attention was drawn to the line of drunk and as-yet-undrunk shots in front of the other woman. Uh oh.

As soon as she was able, she got to being in front of Nyssa. The other woman moved to take another shot, and Tegan grabbed her arm, liquor slopping against the rim.

“Nyssa, stop!” Tegan saw to her horror that there were tears brimming in the other woman’s eyes.

“F-fuck you Tegan.”

The two women stared at each other. Nyssa never swore. Tegan was torn between hurt for herself and concern for her friend. Her hand was still tightly gripping a raised arm. Concern won, and in another second she had pulled Nyssa up out of her seat, and started dragging her in the direction of the ladies bathroom, the door helpfully illuminated by a glowing sign.

…

The women’s bathroom was pretty packed, so Tegan only made a brief pitstop at the sink to wet a paper towel, before pulling Nyssa into a cubicle and slamming it shut behind them.

The steady flow of women going in and out continued as the two women stood, packed into the tiny space, just staring at each other. Then, slowly, as though approaching a wounded animal, Tegan raised the wet paper towel, and began to dab softly at the mascara running under her friend’s eyes. 

She didn’t know what to say to her. And all the while Nyssa was staring at her with those bright, bright eyes, a solitary fresh tear making a new trail down a rosy cheek. And it made Tegan’s heart break just a little bit more. Without thinking, she brought her other hand up to caress soft skin.

“Don’t.”

Nyssa’s voice was harsh, and Tegan felt the lump in her throat rise again.

“Don’t what?”

“You can’t… you can’t touch me like that. Not if you don’t want me.”

“Don’t want you? Oh Nyssa, how could you possibly think that I don’t want you? You’re the most important person in my life! You mean everything to me.” Tegan’s tone was bright but somewhat pleading. She almost thought Nyssa was about to smile and say that it was all okay. 

But then Nyssa leaned back hard against the door, her head lolling, breathing shakily. 

“No! It’s not- you don’t understand.”

Tegan had never been more confused in her life. All she knew was that she was losing Nyssa, and she didn’t even know why! She stepped forward into Nyssa’s space, and grabbed at her hand, desperate now.

“Make me understand. Please.”

Nyssa stared at her, eyes bright and so full of pain. She furrowed her brow, and her mouth twitched as though she was fighting something internally, just for a split-second.

Then she surged forward, and her mouth was on Tegan’s, hot and wet. Tegan made a little noise, but not of surprise, more just the release of something she hadn’t known she was holding back all this time. The kiss was awkward, all craned necks and awkward bodies, but then Tegan opened her mouth and the two of them slotted together, and suddenly nothing could have felt more right.

Tegan’s hands came up to push against the door beside Nyssa’s head, one then moving to her neck to angle them even better. Nyssa’s hands had flown to her waist and were burning into her skin.

They were chest to chest, molded to each other, Nyssa’s hands slipping under her shirt and running up her back. Tegan didn’t know what she was doing, but she knew that she didn’t want to stop. She felt like she was on fire, in a way that she had never ever felt before.

The kiss began to break, due to lack of oxygen, but it was replaced by rapid, open-mouthed pecks between gasps, and Tegan pulling on Nyssa’s waist to slam their hips together, forcing the most sinful of moans to pass from the other woman’s lips. In another second Nyssa was pushing her up against the adjacent wall, lips latched onto her neck and hand creeping up her ribs inside her shirt. And Tegan was suddenly dragged out of her haze, lust replaced by fear, as her brain caught up with her body. She was making out with a woman. She had just kissed her best friend.

She shoved Nyssa away from her, breathing hard, eyes roaming wildly, taking in the dark lipstick smudges around her friend’s lips, her ruffled hair, her heavy breathing. The rest of the world came rushing back in, the sounds of other women moving around them, and suddenly it was all too real, and such a terrifying mix of right and wrong, and Nyssa was still staring at her, and the walls were so close, and Tegan yanked the bolt out of the door and ran from the room.

She ran, and she didn’t stop running. She passed her friends on her way out, and they saw her, called out to her, but the music was loud and she had stopped thinking, stopped breathing. All she knew was she had to get out, pushing through the crowds until she was out on the street. She doubled over, forcing air in and out of her lungs harshly. Then she took off again, into the night.