Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A/N: This story is based on the television series, Star Trek: Voyager, which as far as I know, is the property of Paramount Pictures. No infringement is intended. 

Chapter 1: The Kaltyra

Just over a week after Baby Deborah turned six months old, the medical scans of Dr. Luke and the Tersan doctors concluded that it was now perfectly safe for her to travel through a Tersan wormhole, so Captain Janeway spent the rest of that day and night helping the Tersans with their calculations, and she really burned the midnight oil with them again while Dr. Luke remained aboard the Delta Flyer with Deborah. She didn’t return to the Delta Flyer until half past five the next morning, and about an hour later, their alien friends were ready to fire up their device and create a temporary but stable wormhole for them once again. And as soon as Captain Janeway piloted the Delta Flyer through the entrance to the Tersan wormhole, they traveled over fourteen thousand light years within twenty seconds, and when they came out on the other side, they were officially fourteen years closer to Earth. Everything went exactly as the Captain, the Doctor, and the Tersans had expected it to. Everything went perfectly according to plan.

However, as soon as they came out on the other side of the temporary wormhole, something happened that was certainly not according to Captain Janeway’s plans. Just a few seconds after they emerged from the wormhole on the other side, all of the sudden, a ship began to decloak, and when it did, the Captain and the Doctor saw that it was actually Voyager of all ships!

“They’re hailing us,” Captain Janeway announced, and then she opened a channel, and Commander Chakotay appeared onscreen. “You’re not where you’re supposed to be, Commander,” she scolded.

“My apologies, Captain. Right after we came through the first wormhole, we came into contact with a friendly alien race called the Reelans, and like the Tersans and Starfleet, they too have great respect for space exploration. They also have an abundance of cloaking devices that they depend on to keep their ships hidden from the Borg. So, we explained our situation, and we came to an agreement. In exchange for sharing information with them on all our Delta Quadrant star charts and all the planets we’ve visited, they agreed to lend us one of their cloaking devices so we could stay here and wait for you,” Commander Chakotay explained.

“That wasn’t what we originally agreed to, Commander. You were supposed to continue traveling at Warp Four until we caught up with you in the Delta Flyer.”

“I realize that,” Commander Chakotay said sheepishly, feeling much like a naughty five-year-old. “I know we disobeyed your orders, Captain, and I accept full responsibility for that. It’s just that the crew and I were very worried about you guys. We didn’t want you and the Doctor to be stuck on the Delta Flyer all by yourselves with a new baby for over two months out in this crazy quadrant of space. And when we made First Contact with the Reelans and they suggested that we borrow a cloaking device of theirs so we could standby and wait safely for you guys to come through the second wormhole without any threat of the Borg or any other hostile aliens detecting us, we just couldn’t resist their kind offer.”

Mr. Neelix spoke up then and said, “Uh-uh-rejecting the Reelans’ kind offer could have sabotaged First Contact with them, Captain. And that would have been a great loss to Starfleet.”

“A great loss,” Commander Paris agreed.

“A terrible loss,” Lieutenant-Commander Kim chimed in.

“Mm-hmm,” Captain Janeway responded, obviously not buying any of it. “Make all the excuses you want, but the moment Luke, Debbie, and I set foot on Voyager again, you naughty, naughty kids are going straight to the Brig!” she teased, and Commander Chakotay, Commander Paris, Lieutenant-Commander Kim, and Mr. Neelix all had a good laugh. “We’ll be docking in approximately two minutes.”

“Aye, Captain. We’ll be waiting for you,” Commander Chakotay said with a big grin.

“Janeway out,” she responded, and then she closed the channel and began piloting the Delta Flyer towards the docking bay on Voyager.

Captain Janeway and Dr. Luke were more than thrilled to return with little Deborah to their family aboard Voyager, and their four older children were just as thrilled to have their parents and their new baby sister back with them, and so were the rest of the crew. And after Captain Janeway met with the Reelans and thanked them for the loan of their cloaking device, Voyager “got back on the road,” so to speak, on their return journey to Earth, with all their crew present and accounted for, plus their brand-new little crew-member, Debbie. They traveled through space towards the Alpha Quadrant for the next five weeks without anything too eventful happening.

But then one day on the Bridge, suddenly, all of Voyager’s systems just completely shut down, right out of the blue. And before Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay even had a chance to react, an alien transporter beam appeared and enveloped them and transported them off Voyager.

“Welcome, Captain Janeway, Commander Chakotay,” said a deep but friendly male voice as soon as they both materialized on the Bridge of the alien ship nearby. The man was over six feet tall and bald with blue skin like the Bolians and dark markings that ran down both sides of his body similar to the Trill, except the markings were a navy-blue color and went with his blue skin.

“What is this place? And why did you bring us here?” Captain Janeway questioned the alien.

“Permit me to introduce myself, Captain. My name is Commander Jamyse, and this is my vessel, the Kaltyra. I’m a Kensyte, and my homeworld of Kensyte Prime is just a few parsecs from here, as a matter of fact. I apologize for beaming you and your First Officer off your vessel without your permission, Captain, but it was necessary.”

“Why?” she asked.

“As I’m sure you’ve noticed, the instant you entered our space, I had all of your ship’s systems shut down completely,” he said as he started walking to his own ready room near the Bridge, and Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay followed him.

“We weren’t aware this space belonged to anyone; we’re sorry if we’ve trespassed. But yes, I can assure you, my First Officer and I have noticed that indeed. And we need to get back to Voyager as soon as possible to get the auxiliary systems up and running before our people start running out of oxygen,” said Captain Janeway as they entered his office.

Commander Jamyse shook his head then as he walked behind his desk and motioned for the Captain and the Commander to follow, and he told Captain Janeway, “No matter how hard you try, Captain, you and your crew will not be able to get auxiliary power back, or any kind of power back, until you and your First Officer have been warned about what my people call Byreya.”

“Is that another alien race? Somebody you’re at war with?” asked Commander Chakotay.

“No. Byreya is not a race of people. It’s an artificial element my people created centuries ago,” he explained as he pulled up a picture of the element on his computer screen and showed it to them. “It’s essential to our people. It powers our spaceships and the vast majority of cities on our homeworld and on all the other worlds that are within Kensyte territory. Byreya is completely harmless to Kensytes like myself, but unfortunately, as other humanoid races have come through our territory over the years, we’ve learned that Byreya is toxic and deadly to them.

“We’ve been aware of Voyager’s presence in this area of space for weeks, Captain Janeway,” he said as he pulled up pictures of Voyager from their position in space weeks earlier. “With our highly advanced technology, we were able to secretly download as many records from your ship as we wanted. Please don’t be angry or offended; we didn’t do it with ill intent, and my people and I mean you no harm. In fact, just the opposite. We wanted to study humans and the other humanoid races aboard your ship to see if your physiology would be able to withstand the effects of the Byreya element that the atmosphere of Kensyte territory is saturated with. Unfortunately, the longer you and your crew stay in Kensyte territory, the more Byreya particles you are exposed to, the deadlier it becomes for you. I know, Captain Janeway, that you are the mother of a seven-month-old infant and of four other young children. I don’t want to upset you, but I have to give you the cold, hard facts. If you remain in our space, your youngest child will only have to be exposed to Byreya for one week before she will die. The remaining children aboard your ship will be dead within eight weeks or less. You and the rest of the adults aboard Voyager would survive around a month longer, give or take a week.

“And I must be the bearer of even more bad news, I’m afraid,” he told them as he showed them an image of all of Kensyte territory. “I know about your mission, Captain Janeway, to get your crew back to your home planet of Earth. Out of this dangerous quadrant of space you humans refer to as the ‘Delta Quadrant.’ And I wish I could give you better news, but I can’t. Kensyte territory begins at this border that Voyager just crossed,” he said while pointing to one border of the map, “and it extends all the way to within about one hundred light years of the border between the Delta Quadrant and the Alpha Quadrant. From here on out, if you choose to proceed with your journey back to Earth, Voyager is going to be traveling through space that is saturated with an element that is lethal to human beings and to all the other humanoid races aboard her.”

“And according to this map, Kensyte territory is so vast that it would take us at least another seven to eight years to try to travel around it on our way back to the Alpha Quadrant,” Captain Janway observed.

“That is correct,” Commander Jamyse confirmed.

Captain Janeway shook her head and told him, “That’s not an option.”

“Our technology is much more advanced than that of humans, and we have worked with other humanoid races numerous times over the centuries to try to find ways to block Byreya particles from entering their ships, to try to find ways to counteract Byreya particles, but we haven’t been able to come up with anything. There is only one thing that has been successful in ridding ships of Byreya so they can pass through Kensyte territory safely. But it does not come without sacrifice, Captain.”

“We’re listening,” Captain Janeway told him.

“Over the years, we’ve developed a biometric device of sorts that pulls all the Byreya particles surrounding a ship, and all the particles inside the ship’s atmosphere, out. There’s just one problem.”

“What problem is that?” asked Commander Chakotay.

“The device cannot keep pulling Byreya particles out of a ship’s atmosphere continuously for months and months on end. Not by itself. The device can store a large quantity of Byreya particles, no doubt, but in order for it to be able to continue pulling the lethal particles out of the atmosphere, at some point, the particles it’s already removed and stored must go somewhere.”

“Where can they possibly go?” the Commander inquired. But Captain Janeway had already begun to sense what Commander Jamyse was telling her – without her telepathic and empathic gifts. (In fact, Kensytes were like Ferengi in the sense that telepaths and empaths were entirely unable to use their abilities to read their minds and sense their true feelings.)

“You said it was a biometric device. That means that at some point, the lethal particles must be put into a receptacle so that the device can continue to absorb as many Byreya particles as possible. And that receptacle has to be a person,” Captain Janeway deduced.

“Correct, Captain,” Commander Jamyse confirmed. “These devices are very rare, and they’re not easy to come by. We can only give you one for you to use on Voyager during your journey through Kensyte territory. In order for it to continue functioning throughout the entirety of your passage through our space, filtering the Byreya particles out of your ship’s atmosphere, it’s going to have to eventually deposit some of its built-up particles into the bloodstream of a willing chyama, or as you humans would say, a willing sacrifice.”

“So in other words, if we want to get Voyager through your territory and into the Alpha Quadrant safely, someone on our crew is going to have to agree to be attached to this biometric device of yours, have their bloodstream flooded with particles of an element that is lethal, and sacrifice their life so that we can get home,” said Commander Chakotay.

“That’s the basic summary of the situation, yes,” Commander Jamyse confirmed. “I truly wish it didn’t have to be this way, but it is the only way, I’m afraid. There’s nothing more my people and I can do. If a Kensyte were to be attached to this device, it wouldn’t do any good because our bloodstream is already overflowing the Byreya particles. We’re literally exposed to it every waking moment of our lives. The reason why it has to be a humanoid lifeform like yourselves to be attached to this device, and not a humanoid like the Kensytes, is because humanoid bodies like yours absorb Byreya like a sponge, whereas my people simply excrete it when it reaches levels too high for our bodies to tolerate.”

“I see,” said Captain Janeway in a grave tone of voice.

“I apologize for temporarily cutting off power to Voyager, Captain Janeway, but I simply could not allow you to proceed any farther through our space without warning you about Byreya. I understand that this can be very difficult to take in, especially from an alien you just met a few minutes ago. I suggest you turn your ship around, Captain, and take it safely out of Kensyte space, and take a few days to deliberate with your First Officer. If you decide to proceed through our space to the Alpha Quadrant, the two of you will be faced with the difficult matter of choosing which one of your crewmen will be your chyama. I’ll send you all our files on Byreya and our device, so you can study them for yourselves before making your final decision.”

“Thank you, Commander,” Captain Janeway said with a nod.

Commander Jamyse then picked up what appeared to be a small, square bronze pin, and he tapped on it lightly and spoke into it, saying, “Commander Jamyse to Subcommander Kyleese.”

“Subcommander Kyleese here,” another male voice came in.

“Please beam Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay back to Voyager. Then restore their power and begin transmitting all our files on Byreya and the biometric device to Voyager.”

“Yes, sir,” said the Subcommander, and then Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay vanished in the Kensyte transporter team and appeared back on the Bridge of Voyager.

As soon as they reappeared, all of Voyager’s systems powered up again, and the Kaltyra began transmitting all files concerning Byreya and the biometric device to Voyager.

Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay simply stared at one another then, silently digesting the bombshell that Commander Jamyse had just dropped on them.

Chapter Text

A/N: See Chapter 1 for Disclaimer.

Chapter 2: The Captain’s Decision

Naturally, Captain Janeway reversed course out of Kensyte territory, and they remained a good distance away from Kensyte space for the next several days, as both Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay pored over all the files Commander Jamyse sent to Voyager. They studied them very closely, night and day, and after studying their files and visiting some nearby planets and privately speaking with other aliens they met about the Kensytes, most regrettably, the Captain and the First Officer were left with no choice but to face the fact that Commander Jamyse was telling them the truth and was not deceiving them or playing games with them. He truly did warn them about the Byreya element out of a good heart and conscience. Whether they liked it or not, they were now left with no choice but to decide which of their crewmen had to take the proverbial bullet so that the rest of them could get to the Alpha Quadrant safely. But as far as the Captain was concerned, the choice had already been made.

“Obviously, as this ship’s Captain and First Officer, you and I have got a very difficult decision to make now, Kathryn,” Chakotay told her solemnly as they sat at the table of the conference room together.

But Kathryn knowingly shook her head and said, “There is no choice for us to make, Chakotay. As Captain, this responsibility falls to me. If anybody is going to be sacrificed now, it’s going to be me, not anyone else.”

“Do you really believe that that’s the best decision, Captain? Look at it logically for just a second. You have a husband, a seven-month-old baby girl, and four other young children who need their mother. I, on the other hand, never got married and never had any children. I don’t have people in my life who need me the way the Doctor and your children need you.”

“You’re right, Chakotay. That is a perfectly valid and perfectly logical argument. But I cannot use only logic in making this decision, and I cannot think of just my family alone. I have to do what’s right for all of you, not just what’s right for my husband and my children and myself. Just looking at the history of my command of Voyager logically, I know that logically, in my head, I made the choices that I had to make as a Starfleet captain over the years. I had to sacrifice our way back home to save the Ocampa. I had to start that civil war within the Borg to give some of their drones a way to fight back. I had to sacrifice Arturis’s world to save the entire galaxy from Species 8472. I had to sacrifice Tuvix’s life to save Commander Tuvok and Mr. Neelix. I’ve never been afraid to make the tough and painful decisions that a Starfleet captain has to make at times for the sake of the greater good. I always did what I knew to be right. But try as I may, I simply cannot divorce myself from my emotions and my heart. Even though mentally and logically, I know that I did what I had to do, and even though the good Lord Jesus, Himself, came into my life and forgave me and helped me to forgive myself for the horrific things I had to do, still, all the lives that have been lost because of command decisions that I made…emotionally speaking, it still tears my heart to shreds this very day. And my heart can’t bear the loss of another life under my command, Chakotay. Especially now that we’re finally this close to Earth. It just can’t bear it. I can’t bear it. If the price we have to pay to get this ship and crew home is for one more life to be lost, then I say that after all the suffering, after all the deaths that some of my command decisions have caused – even if they were command decisions that had to be made for the greater good – I say, let that life we have to lose be mine, Chakotay. Not anybody else’s. Enough people have died because of me. It’s not fair for anyone else on this crew to pay this price. Only me. And if it’ll get us through Kensyte space safely and get you guys back on Earth with your families where you belong, then it is a price I will very gladly pay, Chakotay,” Kathryn said emotionally as a tear escaped from one of her blue eyes.

Chakotay began to cry with her in those moments, and then, he just couldn’t resist the urge to put his arms around her and give her the biggest hug.

“I’d give anything if you’d change your mind and let me be the one to do it, Kathryn,” Chakotay whispered through his tears.

“I know you would,” Kathryn whispered as they continued clinging to one another. “I know that if I asked you to do this for me, you’d do it in a heartbeat.”

“You’re right. I would,” Chakotay said, and then he and Kathryn finally let go of each other.

In the next moment, Kathryn shook her head, and she told Chakotay, “I’m not about to let that happen to you, my old friend. You’re not about to sacrifice your life, not now that we’re this close to finally getting out of the Delta Quadrant. I’ve got much bigger plans for you than that.”

“Such as?”

“Such as, you finally meeting your Miss Right and falling in love and getting married and having and adopting five children, just like I did. That way, each one of my children will have one of your children for a playmate back on Earth.”

Chakotay chuckled and asked, “Can you really see me with five children?”

“Absolutely. You’d make a wonderful father. Not as wonderful of a father as Luke, though; I don’t think any other man except Luke can manage the level of fatherly awesomeness that he’s attained.”

“You’re probably right.”

“But you could get close.”

“Thank you. That’s quite a compliment.”

“It’s true.”

“I noticed you didn’t say anything about me becoming a Starfleet captain.”

“Is that what you want for your future?” asked Kathryn.

After a brief pause, Chakotay shook his head and replied, “No, I don’t think so. After spending the past twenty years in the Delta Quadrant, I think I’m more than ready to retire from Starfleet and just enjoy life as an anthropology professor at Starfleet Academy.”

“I hear you. That’s what I was going to do. Retire from Starfleet once we got back to Earth, I mean. And then just focus on my husband and my children for a while. I was going to stay at home with the kids for a change so Luke could go back into medicine.”

“Now, it’s my turn to ask: is that really what you want for your future?”

“Oh, yes,” Kathryn said without a moment’s hesitation. “Don’t get me wrong. Even with the horrific psychological toll the past twenty years have taken on me, I still wouldn’t trade my time as a Starfleet captain for anything. But yes, if it were possible for me to return to Earth with you, I think that after all I’ve been through out here, I would’ve been more than happy to hang up my pips and just enjoy my husband and my children and focus on them for the next twenty years.”

“You can still do that, Kathryn. You can still have that life back on Earth with Dr. Luke and your children. A final decision hasn’t been made yet. Nothing’s been set in stone.”

“Oh, yes, it has been, Chakotay. I’m not about to let you or anybody else do this. As the captain of this crew, this is my responsibility, and I’m not putting my responsibility off on you or anyone else on my crew. This is my cup to drink, Chakotay, and mine alone. Besides, who knows? According to the files from the Kaltyra, their biometric device will be able to pull Byreya particles from Voyager’s atmosphere for eight months out of the ten it will take us to cross Kensyte space, before it will need to start depositing the particles into a human receptacle. I realize that their technology is far more advanced than ours, but even so, you never know what might happen, you never know what we might discover in the next eight months. We just might come up with some other kind of receptacle for the device when it needs it, and then I won’t have to take the Byreya bullet to get us home.”

“So that’s your decision then, Captain? We tell the senior officers, get them to start studying the Kaltyra’s files on Byreya and their biometric device, get them to start looking for a different kind of receptacle for it other than a human when it needs one in eight months. And if we haven’t come up with anything by then–?”

“Then I become the receptacle. The chyama. The sacrifice. That’s the Captain’s decision.”

“I suppose it would be utterly pointless to try to talk you into trying to go around Kensyte territory, even if going that way will take us another seven or eight years to get back to the Alpha Quadrant.”

“You’re right. It would be. I absolutely refuse to risk all your lives by keeping you out here in the Borg’s territory for another seven to eight years, without Starfleet nearby for backup. That’s completely out of the question, Chakotay. You know that.”

“Yeah, I know that,” Chakotay sighed, fighting off more tears.

“Call the senior officers in, Commander. And my husband. It’s time we inform them of the situation.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Chakotay said gravely, barely masking his broken heart, and in the next moment, he tapped on his combadge and called everyone into the conference room.

Chapter Text

A/N: See Chapter 1 for Disclaimer.

Chapter 3: Trumping Aces

“I still can’t believe what I’m hearing!” Tom yelled in the Mess Hall eight months later, as he, B’Elanna, Harry, Tuvok, Seven of Nine, Kes, Neelix, and Dr. Luke all sat around a long table together with Chakotay at the head of it. All their duty shifts had just ended for the day, and many of them were still in their uniforms, although Seven, Neelix, Kes, and Luke were wearing civilian clothes, of course. “You’re telling me, Commander, that tomorrow morning, we are going to insert an I.V. into Captain Janeway that’s attached to the Kensyte biometric device and allow that thing to start dumping poison, actual, literal poison, into her veins? We are going to poison our own captain in order to get home? Is that what you’re telling me?”

“Tom, you know B’Elanna, Seven, and Harry have been working practically around the clock these past eight months, trying to come up with some other way to do this. Trying to come up with some way to keep the device working without the need to deposit Byreya particles into a receptacle. Trying to come up with a way to create a different kind of receptacle it can use in the place of a human. But they haven’t been successful. And if we don’t start draining the device of these particles that are stored up inside it, it’ll start to malfunction soon, and then all of us will start dying, not just the Captain. If we want to get home, if you want to get your children out of the Borg’s backyard as quickly as possible, this is literally the only way to do it. I don’t like this any better than you guys do. But this is the situation we’re faced with, whether we like it or not,” Chakotay responded.

“And you actually support the Captain in this, Doc?” Tom asked Dr. Luke incredulously.

“Yes, Mr. Paris,” Dr. Luke replied solemnly. “I support my wife wholeheartedly.”

“Even though her decision is going to break your children’s hearts when this poison finally kills her? Not to mention yours?” B’Elanna asked him pointedly.

Dr. Luke let out a weary sigh, and then he told Tom and B’Elanna, “First of all, the last thing in the world Katie and I would ever want is to do anything that would hurt our children. But in addition to being parents, Kathryn and I are also a captain and a doctor with duties to this entire crew, not just to our children alone. When I married Katie eleven years ago, I knew all along what I was signing on for. I always knew that I was not marrying an ordinary woman; that I was marrying a Starfleet captain – Starfleet’s greatest captain, as far I’m concerned. I always knew that there was the distinct possibility that something like this could eventually happen. I always knew that there would be times like this when Kathryn would have to be a captain first and a wife and a mother second.

“And second of all, yes, despite all the pain it will cause us and our children, I do support Katie in this with all my heart and soul, because I know exactly how she feels. I understand exactly why she needs to do this. Lest you all forget, there was a very brief time when I, too, was a captain of a starship, and I, too, had to make the brutal command decision to sacrifice innocent lives for the sake of the greater good. But what I went through aboard the Idora is just a needle in the haystack compared to the pure, utter emotional hell my poor wife has endured through the years, and I am very well aware of that. Even after all these years, the command decision I made on the Idora still haunts me to this very day. So I can’t even imagine what Katie goes through. And I know that if I were in her shoes, and this were my command decision to make, I’d do the same thing. I know I wouldn’t be able to bear the loss of another life under my command, either. So I cannot and do not blame Kathryn for her command decision. I know this is going to break my children’s hearts, and as a father, I will be there for them and help them through this to the best of my ability. But as a husband, I will not blame my wife for doing what she has to do as a captain. I will not make this burden any heavier for her than it already is.”

The Doctor’s words truly were invisible knives to Chakotay’s heart in those moments as he recalled how he’d told Kathryn the story of the “Angry Warrior” when they’d been alone on New Earth together so many years ago. How that angry warrior had sworn to himself, how he had sworn to Kathryn in his heart when telling her that story, that he would always stay by her side and do whatever he could to make her burden lighter. But when the chips were down, when they were facing the threat of the Borg and Species 8472, the threat of complete annihilation of the entire galaxy itself, his “promises” proved to be nothing but a cruel, agonizing joke when he did blame her for doing what she had to do as a captain to save countless lives. And it grieved him right down to the core that he had selfishly betrayed her trust and made her unimaginable burdens even heavier by emotionally abandoning her, right at the point in their lives when she’d needed him the most. For many years, he didn’t see it; he didn’t understand what he had truly done to Kathryn inside. But now, he finally realized that the Doctor was a much better man and a much better husband to Kathryn than he ever could have been. And even though it still broke his heart to this day that he couldn’t be the man to be by Kathryn’s side for life, he was now finally wise enough to understand that with all the inner and outer battles Kathryn was constantly fighting in the Delta Quadrant every single day, the last thing she’d needed by her side all these years was an angry warrior. What she really needed was a healer. Someone to ease her pain and lighten her burdens. And Chakotay knew now that he could never do that for her the way the Doctor could. So although it still tore him up to lose such a remarkable lady as Kathryn Janeway, even now after all these years, in the end, he truly was grateful that Kathryn chose Dr. Luke over him. A man who was truly worthy of her trust and her heart, in ways that Chakotay never could be.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been so torn in all my life,” Harry told them as a choked-up Dr. Luke got up and walked out of the Mess Hall. “I mean, yes, absolutely, my conscience is screaming at me that us allowing our Captain to be poisoned to death, all of us going along with this just so we can get ourselves home faster, betrays everything our uniform stands for. But now that I’m a parent myself, I see the other side. I understand why Captain Janeway is willing to sacrifice herself so that we can get our children home safely. If I were in her shoes, I’d probably do the same thing. But I won’t lie. I feel it in my gut that if we go along with what the Captain is trying to do, it’ll be a huge betrayal, not only of our uniform or of Captain Janeway, but of our own conscience. We’ve always done so much talk over the years about what a family we are here on Voyager. What kind of ‘family’ just tosses their matriarch under the bus, allows her to throw her very life away, just so they can get home quicker?”

“You know, uh…you saying that just now, Harry, it, uh…it reminds me a lot of what Captain Janeway first told me when she decided to destroy the Caretaker’s array all those years ago,” B’Elanna said quietly. “That she wasn’t willing to trade the lives of the Ocampa for our convenience. Yet now, here we are, trading her life for our convenience. It just feels so hypocritical. Not to mention heartbreaking. As a parent myself, yes, I am so, so grateful that Captain Janeway is willing to do this so I can get my children out of the Delta Quadrant faster. But yet, as a mother myself, I just can’t stop thinking about her children. Is it really fair for me to go along with what the Captain is doing so that my children can be protected, knowing all along that it’ll cause her children to lose their mother – one of whom is only fifteen months old? Is that really right?”

“Nothing about any of this is right,” said Tom.

“You can say that again,” Neelix agreed.

“That is a valid argument, Commander Torres,” Seven of Nine chimed in. “However, we must also remember that if the Captain chooses to take this course of action, it will also get her children out of Borg territory as quickly as possible. Even though we are closer than we’ve ever been to reaching the Alpha Quadrant, even though we are closer than ever to leaving Delta Quadrant territory, we’ve still gotten into a number of heavy battles with the Borg during our time in Kensyte space, and although we did not lose any of our crewmen, we came terribly close to losing lives many times. Despite how close we are to Earth, this vessel is clearly not out of danger yet. And neither are our children.”

“It is at times like these that human emotion becomes your greatest weakness,” said Tuvok. “As I am a Vulcan male, my physiology is much tougher and stronger than that of a human female. If I were to become the necessary receptacle for the Byreya particles, I would eventually succumb to its poison, but I do believe I would survive longer than Captain Janeway would, and I believe my body could possibly absorb more of the particles, making the Kensyte biometric device more efficient. It has been my very great privilege to serve with Captain Janeway all these years, but on rare occasions such as these, I do believe her emotions cause her to err in her decisions. With all due respect to the Captain, I cannot help but believe that this command decision she has made is sorely lacking in logic. All but one of my children are now adults who no longer need the presence of a father to survive. And should I choose to sacrifice my life for the good of our crew, I know my youngest child would still have his mother and his adult siblings to guide him into maturity. Captain Janeway, on the other hand, has five very young children, and if she chooses to sacrifice herself now, they would only have one person to care for them: a grief-stricken father. It is abundantly clear that I should be the one to sacrifice my life so that Voyager can reach the Alpha Quadrant safely. I only wish I could help the Captain to see that.”

“I must disagree with you, husband,” Seven told him. “As a former Borg drone, I still have a constant stream of nanoprobes flowing through my body. When we tested this scenario on the Holodeck, we learned that Byreya is such a destructive element that it even shut my nanoprobes down over time. However, I do believe I could still last considerably longer than most of you – with the likely exception of you, Kes. I may not be male, but with my enhanced Borg physiology, I do believe my body could absorb more Byreya particles than yours. And concerning our son, you possess far more experience, knowledge, and wisdom as a parent than I do. Therefore, you would be the logical choice to remain alive to help guide him into maturity, along with his older siblings.”

“Your argument is indeed quite logical, wife,” Tuvok agreed. “However, respectfully, there is another facet of logic you have failed to consider, and that is the issue of ethics. It is unethical for an older person to allow a younger person to sacrifice her life for him, as the younger person has not yet had the opportunity to experience as much of life as the older person has. All humanoid species have a natural instinct for the older to protect and sacrifice for the younger, so that their species may continue to live and thrive. God guided humanoid society into forming that way for a reason, Seven.”

“Well I say that if anybody should sacrifice themselves to get this crew home, it should be someone who doesn’t have a spouse and children who need them. Someone like me,” said Chakotay.

Kes then fervently shook her head and told them with tears in her eyes, “No. No. You’re all wrong. Terribly wrong. When Captain Janeway first met the Caretaker over twenty years ago, he told her that because of what his people accidentally did to our people, they owed us a debt that can never be repaid. But because of everything Captain Janeway has sacrificed over the years, because of the unspeakable emotional hell she has been through all this time because she chose to put the lives of my people ahead of herself, the Ocampa now owe her a debt that can never be repaid. As an Ocampa, I owe her a debt that can never be repaid. If anyone should sacrifice their life to get this crew home, it should be me. I never got married. I never had children. I don’t have anyone in my life depending on me the way Captain Janeway and many of you do. Furthermore, as you said so accurately, Seven, with my very strong and powerful physiology, I could last longer. We know from all the tests we’ve run, all our simulations on the Holodeck, that even my physiology would eventually succumb to this lethal element within about a year or so, but even if I were to return to Earth with only one year to live, that would still be a little bit of time for doctors to find a way to cure me. And God only knows what can happen within one year. There is every possibility that a cure could be found within that time. Don’t you all see? I am the obvious choice. So for obvious reasons, I cannot allow Captain Janeway to do this.”

“That isn’t your call to make, Kes,” said Captain Janeway as everyone turned their gazes towards her. She had changed out of her uniform into a long-sleeved white dress, and she looked quite angelic that evening to say the least.

“Have you been listening the entire time, Captain?” Chakotay inquired.

“Pretty much,” the Captain confirmed as she walked up to the long table where they were sitting. “Tuvok, Seven, Chakotay, Kes, the four of you have come up with some excellent arguments for why each of you should be the person to be hooked up to the Kensyte device when we start tomorrow. And you’re right, Mr. Tuvok. I know that in the eyes of many people – your eyes in particular – my command decision does appear to be ‘sorely lacking in logic,’ as you so eloquently put it. But I want all of you to listen to me, and I want you to hear me. I want you to really, really hear me as I explain my reasoning.

“Unfortunately, over the years, I’ve let some very important things go unsaid that I should have said long before now. I guess I just didn’t feel comfortable blurring the lines between our friendships and our professional relationships. But now that I look back, I truly do wish I had told you all of this sooner. But as the old saying goes, better late than never.

“Harry, B’Elanna, Tom, Kes, I never actually told you any of this, I never actually said the words out loud, but when the four of you first joined my crew over twenty years ago, and I stranded us out here in the Delta Quadrant, I couldn’t help but start looking on all of you as my own surrogate children. I know I’m not your mother, but even so, I feel like your mother. I’ve felt that way about you for many years.” Kathryn then turned her gaze to Seven and told her, “Seven, the same goes for you. I felt the same way about you when you first joined our crew as well. Watching all of you learn and grow and get married and have children of your own and experience life the way we’ve gotten to experience it as explorers, out here doing what we love the most – even if it is out in the Delta Quadrant – has been one of the greatest privileges of my life. And all of you have learned and grown so very much. And even though I’m not your mother, every time I look at you, I can’t help but feel like the proudest mother in the galaxy. You belong to your mothers, of course, but after all we’ve been through together out here these past two decades, I do believe I’ve earned the right to say that you belong to me, too.

“Mr. Tuvok,” said Captain Janeway while turning her gaze towards him, and in response, he rose from his seat and locked his eyes with hers. “You were talking about how all but one of your children are grown now. Tell me something. If it were just you, your oldest son Sek, and your youngest son Selik, facing a situation like this, and you knew one of you had to die so that the other two could get home safely, how willing would you be as a parent to choose Sek out of the three of you, and not yourself, simply because he is your oldest child?”

“As a parent, it would be both illogical and immoral to make such a choice. I would be left with no other recourse but to choose myself,” he admitted.

“Exactly. And in many ways, being a starship captain is just like being a parent. You guys aren’t just crewmen under my command. And I’m not just your captain. You’re my family, and the love and concern I have for each one of you is the same that I have for my five younger children. I couldn’t chose any one of you over myself any more than any of you could choose to send an older child of yours to his death over yourselves simply because he’s an older child. You all know perfectly well that you could never bring yourselves to do anything like that. So please, try to understand that that is basically what you’re all asking me to do right now. To choose to send an older child of mine to their death and not myself. The woman who’s loved you and cared for you and been responsible for you for over twenty years. Do not ask that of me. Do not do that to me. Please.”

“When I was speaking earlier, I was convinced that I had constructed an ironclad argument against your command decision, Captain,” Tuvok told her. “But indeed, I was mistaken. As you humans say, you have ‘trumped my ace,’ my old friend. I am left with no choice but to admit defeat in this debate, as much as it grieves me to do so.”

Kathryn gave her old friend a knowing smile in that moment, and she lightly touched his arm for just a couple of seconds to express all the affection of her heart towards him that could never be said in words.

“She just trumped all our aces,” Tom admitted.

“That’s why I’m the Captain,” she told them with a wise, yet sad smile.

B’Elanna rose from her seat then, approached her Captain, and yelled, “I learned how to keep that Klingon temper of mine under control years ago, but now, I am so filled with rage that I just want to scream! This is so unfair! It’s so wrong! You’re one of the kindest, most beautiful people I’ve ever known in my life, and you have put yourself through pure hell to get us this far!” she cried out, and Kathryn immediately wrapped her arms around her surrogate daughter as she angrily sobbed. “Nobody deserves to make it back to Earth more than you do, Captain,” B’Elanna said through her tears. “You’re not supposed to die out here in this disgusting Delta Quadrant! You’re supposed to come back to Earth with us! You’re supposed to be there when we dock in one of Starfleet’s docking bays! You’re supposed to be there when we finally see that blue-green marble live on our viewscreen!”

“I know, honey. I know. I know,” Kathryn whispered as she and B’Elanna continued clinging to each other. “We can always hope and pray that a miracle will happen in the next two months, but even if it doesn’t, it’s alright.” The embrace ended then, and Kathryn looked into the faces of all the people she loved in those moments, and she told them, “It’s alright, because even if my body can’t go back to Earth with you, I promise you all, my heart will. Nothing will ever take my heart away from all of you. Or my love. That’s something that not even death can stop or change.”

In those moments, everyone else stood, and B’Elanna, Tom, Harry, Neelix, and Seven just enveloped the Captain in their embrace. And as Chakotay watched the scene unfold, tears streamed from his left eye, and he quickly turned around and left. Tuvok had to leave then also, because the tiniest of tears had begun to form in one of his eyes as well.

Chapter Text

A/N: See Chapter 1 for Disclaimer.

Chapter 4: Absolutely and Completely Certain

“Do you remember the first time we spent the night here in the Glass Castle?” Luke whispered in Kathryn’s ear as he held her. They were now lying together in the master bedroom of the Glass Castle simulation, and it was now half past four in the morning, and the sky outside reflected the time, as it had started changing from black to polished steel with the beginning of the sunrise. Luke was wearing silver pajamas, and Kathryn was wearing a lavender nightgown, and Kathryn’s head was lying comfortably on her husband’s chest while he lovingly stroked her hair.

“Of course I do,” Kathryn whispered. “Shortly after we first got married, we designed this place to be our holographic home away from home when we’re not in our quarters. Flying through the stars, zooming through outer space like we do every day…it’s truly majestic, and I wouldn’t trade anything for it, but sometimes, you just need to see green grass and green trees and waterfalls and sunrises and sunsets. Sometimes, you just need to be able to look out your bedroom window and see more than an endless black sky and stars.”

“So true.”

“I’m so glad we decided to bring the children here to spend the night.”

“So am I,” Luke whispered. “Have you slept at all?”

“Not a wink. You?”

“I couldn’t sleep a wink, either.”

“I know that Lewis, Spock, Peter, and Priscilla are angry at me right now for making this choice. I know they feel hurt and betrayed. I know they’re too young to understand, and I don’t blame them for being angry at me. I’m angry at myself that I have to do this to them. I just pray with all my heart and soul that one day, when they’re adults, they’ll finally be able to understand why I had to do this.”

“They will understand one day, Katie. They will. I’ll help them to understand. They won’t blame you and be angry at you forever.”

“It’s probably better this way, though. They’ll probably want to stay away from me now that they’re angry at me, and that’s really the best thing. When I get hooked up to that device today, and have to start living in Sick Bay twenty-four-seven to be monitored, I don’t want the children to be around me, especially not Debbie. I don’t want to risk exposing any of them to the Byreya particles that’ll be coursing through my veins. And I don’t want them anywhere near that device. I don’t think we can be too cautious.”

“I’ve already spoken with the crew. They’ve all volunteered to take turns looking after the children for us so I can be with you in Sick Bay as much as possible. Harry, Samantha, Naomi, and James will be spending the first couple of weeks in our quarters, and Harry and Sam will be looking after the children for us. Then, Tuvok, Seven, and Selik will take their place for the next few weeks or so. Tom, B’Elanna, Neelix, and Dexa have also volunteered to take over after them.”

“I’m so grateful for all their help. I don’t know what we’d do without them. They’re so wonderful.”

“They certainly are,” Luke agreed.

“When I have to get hooked up to the Kensyte device and start living in Sick Bay all the time, I want it to be just you and me in there, for as much as possible. I don’t want anybody else in there. Just you. I’m certainly not saying that I don’t want Dexa, Tom, and Kes to be in Sick Bay if and when a crewman might need medical treatment for any reason, but as much as it’s possible, I just want it to be you in there in Sick Bay with me during the weeks ahead. Not anybody else.”

“I understand,” Luke whispered, and then he kissed the top of Kathryn’s head. “I’ll be with you every second I possibly can be, Katie. We’re a team, you and I. We’re doing this together. We’re facing this together. We’re walking this road together all the way. You’re not doing this alone. I’d never let that happen.”

“I know,” Kathryn whispered, and in the next moment, she gave her husband a very passionate kiss.

Afterwards, they both closed their eyes again and tried unsuccessfully to sleep for the next two hours.

They were expected in Sick Bay at seven o’clock that morning, so Kathryn and Luke got up at six-thirty, with the most beautiful pinks and blues filling the sky outside as the sun rose, and they showered and changed. And then, they went into their children’s bedrooms, all of whom were still soundly asleep, and Kathryn kissed them all goodbye, one by one, and whispered in each one’s ear how much she loved them. A couple of minutes later, Naomi Wildman arrived to keep an eye on the children for them until Harry and Sam arrived to take them back to the Captain’s quarters and look after them. And then, they left for Sick Bay.

A few moments before the Captain and the Doctor entered Sick Bay, Dr. Dexa, Tom, and Kes were standing right outside Dr. Dexa’s office, having a very unpleasant discussion.

“So how do we decide something like this?” Tom asked solemnly as the Captain and the Doctor walked inside, the Captain in her red Starfleet uniform, and the Doctor in a matching black blazer and pants and a white shirt. “How do we choose which one of us is going to hook our Captain up to that machine and poison her? Obviously, we can’t let Dr. Luke be the one to do it. We can’t ask a man to poison the love of his life. We can’t put him through something like that.”

“No, we can’t,” Dr. Dexa agreed.

“That would kill him,” said Kes.

“So what are supposed to do? Flip a coin?” asked Tom.

“Relax, everyone,” Captain Janeway told them, and then they all turned around to face her and the Doctor. “I already have it all worked out. Someone else has already agreed to hook me up to the biometric device intravenously.”

“Who else could do it besides one of us, Captain?” Dr. Dexa questioned. “We’re your only officers onboard with medical expertise.”

In that moment, Commander Tuvok entered Sick Bay in his gold Starfleet uniform, at seven o’clock on the dot.

“Commander Tuvok reporting to Sick Bay as ordered, Captain,” he told her.

“Tuvok is going to do this?” said Tom.

“That is correct, Mr. Paris,” said Tuvok. “Given the fact that I am a Vulcan who successfully keeps all of his emotions suppressed constantly, Captain Janeway and I both came to the conclusion when we discussed it yesterday evening that it would be best for me to perform the procedure. Your inability to suppress your emotions would cause this to be a traumatic experience for each of you psychologically, whereas I will suffer no such trauma. I can do this and be unaffected by it, whereas the three of you, not to mention Dr. Luke, cannot, for obvious reasons. Therefore, I am the most logical choice.”

“But you don’t have any medical training, Tuvok,” Kes protested.

“I have spent the last ten hours in Holodeck One, running various programs used by Starfleet to train their medics. In that time, I have learned how to start I.V.s in patients, and I have completed the procedure hundreds of times through the night on holographic humans. I am now confident that I can connect Captain Janeway to the Kensyte biometric device intravenously without any problems.”

“And so am I,” Captain Janeway agreed. “Let’s get started, shall we, Mr. Tuvok?”

“Since you’re going to need to be in bed over the next several weeks as we monitor you, I suggest you change first,” Luke told Kathryn.

“Thank you, darling. I forgot about that,” said Kathryn.

And then, knowing where the blue-green gowns for patients were kept in Sick Bay, she left for a couple of minutes to change out of her uniform before coming back in her gown.

When she returned, Tuvok told her, “I suggest you lie down in this biobed and get as comfortable as possible, Captain.”

Captain Janeway nodded, and then she lied down on the biobed that was nearest to Dr. Dexa’s office, which had the biometric device sitting on the left side of it. In the next moment, Commander Tuvok raised up the top half of the biobed so the Captain could be sitting up.

“Before I begin, Captain, I must ask you: are you truly certain that you wish me to proceed?”

“Yes, Mr. Tuvok,” she replied.

Dr. Luke, Dr. Dexa, Tom, and Kes all knew perfectly well that hooking up a patient to an I.V. was a short and easy procedure that only took about a minute or two to perform, three minutes at the most. But Tuvok moved so excruciatingly slowly that it took him almost an hour before he finally got the I.V. going. They all knew exactly what was happening. They all knew that, Vulcan or not, suppressed emotions or not, Tuvok was struggling with this just as much as the rest of them were. And they knew he was purposely stalling as much as possible.

At long last, after he finally got the I.V. started, only one task remained, and that was flipping the switch on the gray machine that would begin dumping the Byreya poison into Captain Janeway’s bloodstream.

And in those moments, Tuvok put his hand on the Captain’s left arm, locked his eyes with hers, and told her, “Captain, I must ask you this one final time. This is the last opportunity you will have to change your mind before the poisonous particles begin entering your body and start doing irreparable damage to your vital organ systems. Captain…Kathryn…are you certain you wish me to proceed? Are you absolutely and completely certain?”

Kathryn then took Tuvok’s hand, gave it a loving squeeze, and replied without a trace of doubt in her voice, “Absolutely and completely certain, Mr. Tuvok.”

Although Tuvok’s facial expressions gave away nothing, Kathryn could see it in her old friend’s eyes for one split second that her answer broke his heart. And Tuvok could see it in her eyes her great care and concern for him and for all their crew, and that she was glad to do this to protect him and all the people she loved.

A few seconds later, Tuvok very reluctantly reached down and flipped the switch. And he, Dr. Dexa, Tom, and Kes all watched in horror as the yellow-colored poison began flowing through the tubing into the Captain’s veins. And Dr. Luke sat down in a chair on the right side of her biobed, took her free right hand, squeezed it, and locked his gaze with hers, silently assuring her that he was with her and that he would never abandon her to walk this agonizing path alone. Meanwhile, Dr. Dexa and Kes went into Dr. Dexa’s office to give them some privacy, and Tom left to start his duty shift on the Bridge.

Finally, it all got to be too much for Tuvok, and he also turned around and began to leave Sick Bay.

But then, Kathryn called out, “Tuvok?” He turned around in that moment, and Kathryn told him with a smile on her face, “Don’t stop calling me Kathryn.”

Tuvok responded with a simple nod, and then he walked out of Sick Bay into the corridor. And when he was alone, his mind was flooded with thoughts about Tuvix. Neither he nor Neelix had any recollection of the experience of being fused together into one person, but after Tuvok had learned the details of what had happened, he’d been silently furious at himself for years. As a Vulcan, he’d kept it all very well suppressed over the years, naturally, but deep down, he’d been irate at himself for ages, despite how illogical it was. Even though he knew in his mind that logically, what had happened to him and Neelix in the transporter accident that had created Tuvix was never his fault, in his heart, he was absolutely furious at himself that his Vulcan logic and his honor as a Starfleet officer seemed to have abandoned him and the close friend he valued so deeply, right when she’d needed those things from him the most. If it had just been Tuvok alone, of course he would’ve chosen to sacrifice himself so that two other crewmen could be rescued. That was his duty as a Starfleet officer. That was what he’d signed on for when he chose to put on the Starfleet uniform. And for the record, so had Tuvix when he, too, chose to put on that same uniform. Tuvok had been furious beyond words all along at Tuvix for putting the Captain he admired so, not to mention his closest friend, in such a horrific position. He just couldn’t understand how the half of Tuvix that had been him could have failed Captain Janeway so badly, not to mention the rest of the crew who’d needed both him and Neelix.

And now, he’d just turned on the switch, sending poison coursing through the veins of his closest and most highly valued friend. He’d just killed her. As he began to mentally digest it in those moments, just how very much his failure in his time as Tuvix had caused his Captain to suffer, and how very much she would continue to suffer at his hand, he almost started to pass out. Even though he was a Vulcan, it was now literally all he could do to remain standing.

But then, realizing that his Captain would need him more than ever in the weeks ahead, Tuvok took two deep breaths, steadied himself, shook it off, and headed off to the Bridge to start his duty shift.

Chapter Text

A/N: See Chapter 1 for Disclaimer.

Chapter 5: Visiting the Captain

Thanks to regular injections of nanoprobes from Seven, the damage done to Captain Janeway’s organs was kept to a minimum over the next three weeks. Sadly, though, it wasn’t long after that, in late July of 2392, that even Seven’s nanoprobes succumbed to the Byreya poison, and when that happened, the internal damage from the Byreya particles really began to spread, and the Captain began to suffer.

During her first three weeks in Sick Bay, while she still had the strength and energy to do so, Kathryn recorded multiple logs in Dr. Dexa’s office, video files of her teaching their children various life lessons, birthday wishes on their future birthdays, and other such things, for them to watch of her in the years ahead. Since she knew she wouldn’t be able to be there in person, both she and Luke felt that this was the next best thing for her children to have.

When the Byreya poison began doing irreparable damage to the Captain’s organs three weeks after she first got hooked up to the biometric device, she knew she had recorded all the future letters for her children that she could with the limited strength she still had, so she turned her attention to other things. It was her greatest desire in that time to do whatever was possible, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, to help her crew – her family – transition back into life on Earth. Thus, whenever she was awake and felt strong enough, she began studying images from Voyager’s long-range sensors, and she began trying to chart the quickest and safest route for her crew to take home.

One day, as Kathryn was sitting at Dexa’s computer in her office, trying to get a little work done, Chakotay knocked at the door and stuck his head inside.

“Have you got a minute, Captain?” he asked.

“Of course. Come in,” she told him with a tired but pleasant smile, and then, Chakotay entered the office and closed the door behind him. “What can I do for you, Commander?”

The Captain clearly didn’t look her best for understandable reasons, but for someone who’d been connected to a literal I.V. infusion of poison for the past three weeks, she looked at lot better than Chakotay had been expecting she would by now. Despite the ongoing damage to her heart, lungs, kidneys, and G.I. tract, she appeared surprisingly strong and alert, although her face was terribly pale and she was noticeably tired. As Chakotay took in the sight of his dearest friend, in her turquoise patient gown, with extremely pale skin and exhausted blue eyes, hooked up to that horrific machine depositing the yellow-colored poison into her left arm, it filled him with unspeakable rage at what was being done to her.

But determined to hide his anguish for her sake, he put on a smile, and he told her, “I just wanted to come by for a little visit, see how you were doing.”

“I’ve had better days,” Kathryn admitted. “But then again, I’ve had days even worse than this, so I guess I can’t complain too much. How have you been doing, Chakotay?”

“I’ve been very worried about you. We all have been over the past three weeks.”

“You guys don’t have to worry. I’m hanging in there.”

“May I ask why you’re in Dr. Dexa’s office?”

“She went down to the Mess Hall for lunch with Kes and Luke a few minutes ago, and she kindly allowed me to use her computer station here in her office to get a bit of work done.”

“What kind of work?”

“Nothing big. I just thought I’d take a good look at the images and data from our long-range sensors and start trying to plot the fastest and safest course back to Earth for all of you.”

“I know you’ve been recording letters for your children over the past three weeks. Now this.”

“Actually, I misspoke. Trying to help chart the safest course back to Earth is one of the things I’m trying to do right now, yes, but I’m also looking at various pieces of info my mother and my sister sent me on apartments and housing where I lived on Earth. My place was fine for one person to live in, but there’ll never be enough room for Luke and all the children. I want to try to have something arranged for them before you guys get back to Earth. That’s what I’m working on now. I know that it’ll be very hard on them, Luke especially, and I want to do everything in my power to make their transition from life on Voyager to life on Earth go as smoothly as possible.”

“Kathryn, this doesn’t sound like you. It sounds like you’ve already given up.”

“It’s not that I’ve given up, Chakotay. I haven’t stopped praying and hoping that Jesus will decide to give us a miracle. But I also want to do all I can to make it as easy for the people I love as possible, should the worst-case scenario happen. You’re all my family. I owe it to you to do everything I can to make sure you’re all prepared in case I don’t get better like we hope.”

Chakotay then put his hand on her upper right arm, looked into her eyes, and told her, “Kathryn, the thing that’s going to help all of us the most in the days and weeks ahead is not you plotting a course home for us, and it’s not you finding housing on Earth for Dr. Luke and your children. We can take care of those things ourselves. What’s going to help us the most is having as much time with you as possible. We don’t need you to do things for us now; we just need you. Just having you here with us for as long as we can matters more than anything else.”

Kathryn then smiled knowingly at her old friend and said, “Luke put you up to this, didn’t he?”

“He might have said a couple of words to me about it, but I was still going to come and talk to you about it regardless. Kathryn, we know how hard you’ve been pushing yourself these past three weeks, and it’s got us all very concerned.”

“I appreciate all the concern very much, but it’s not necessary.”

“Oh, I think it is.”

“Chakotay, as long as there is breath in my body, as long as my heart is still beating, as long as I can still get up from my biobed, I’ve got to do everything I can to help the people I love as much as possible. I’ve just got to. I can’t bear to just be lying in a biobed all the time, wasting the time I have left, accomplishing nothing for the people I care about. I need to be of service to my crew and my family in whatever way I can, for as long as I can.”

“Kathryn, for over two decades, you have done nothing but serve your crew and family day and night, constantly. Now, if you really want to do something that will help the hearts of the people who love you the most, you’ll allow yourself to rest, really rest, and take care of yourself. That’s what we all need from you right now more than anything to put our minds at ease. Kathryn…please.”

Kathryn sighed in that moment and said, “Very well. I’ll go lie down if it’ll make you guys feel better.”

“Thank you,” said Chakotay.

As Kathryn rose to her feet, Chakotay longed to put his arm around her to support her and help her back to her biobed, but he knew she would object. So, he simply pushed the I.V. stand that the biometric device was attached to with Kathryn as she went over to her biobed, and when they both got there, Kathryn laid down under the covers once again, rested her head on the pillows she had arranged behind her, and relaxed.

“Better?” she asked Chakotay.

“Much better,” Chakotay said with a soft smile. He then took her left hand, gave it an affectionate squeeze, and whispered, “Thank you.”

Kathryn responded with a simple nod, and she and Chakotay chatted for a few more minutes until Dr. Luke returned from the Mess Hall. Chakotay said goodbye to them then and left for the Bridge, and Luke took his usual place in the seat beside Kathryn’s biobed. Not long after that, Kathryn drifted off to sleep.

Over the next two weeks, the crew continued to respect their Captain’s wishes for privacy with her husband, even though it was hard. Naturally, they all loved her and wanted to visit her and keep tabs on how she was doing, but they also understood her desire for privacy during this very difficult time. Every night, they held a prayer service in the Mess Hall for her, but sadly, her condition continued to decline, which broke all their hearts, especially Harry Kim’s. Harry, of course, was Captain Janeway’s youngest Starfleet “child,” so to speak, and the bond they’d shared the past two decades was quite special. And of all her crewmen, she’d definitely been the most protective of Harry over the years, as he was the “baby” of their Starfleet family. Finally, though, Chakotay and Luke managed to convince Kathyn to let him by Sick Bay come for a visit. And when he came into Sick Bay to visit his Captain at precisely seven o’clock in the evening one night in mid-August, Luke left so they could have some time alone.

“I guess it would be foolish to ask you how you’re doing,” Harry told her after sitting down in Dr. Luke’s chair by the Captain’s biobed.

“It’s not so bad,” the Captain told him with a weak smile, but Harry knew that she was lying through her teeth. She’d lost a significant amount of weight since he’d last seen her, and her ivory skin was paler than ever, and her blue eyes that once been so full of life were now so tired.  Furthermore, she was now wearing a nasal canula delivering an extra supply of oxygen to her.

“You don’t have to pretend for me, Captain,” he told her truthfully as he laid his right hand on top of her free right hand. “You don’t have to try to act all brave and strong for me now. I’m not that green young ensign who came to you fresh out of the Academy anymore.”

Captain Janeway chuckled, and she told him, “I know you’re not that green young ensign anymore, Harry. You’ve grown so much, and I couldn’t be prouder of you.”

Choked up, Harry whispered, “Thank you, Captain.”

“But even though you’ve grown so much over the past two decades, to me, you’ll always be that young, sweet, innocent, adorable, green ensign who was so nervous on his first day of duty that he almost sprained something, standing at attention so tensely in my ready room,” she said with the most affectionate laugh.

“And to me, you’ll always be that kindhearted, generous Captain who took me under her wing and became a second mother to me out here in the Delta Quadrant, even though she didn’t have to,” Harry said with a warm smile, and Kathryn kissed his hand.

“You take care of yourself when you get back to Earth, Harry. Give your mother my love.”

“I will,” Harry whispered.

“Every conversation I’ve ever had with your mother has been such a pleasure. She’s such a delightful woman.”

Harry chuckled a bit and said, “I never will forget the time she talked to you about promoting me. I told her not to, but she just wouldn’t listen. She was so stubborn. I was mortified.”

Kathryn laughed softly and told him, “Your mother loves you and she’s proud of you, Harry. That’s nothing to be mortified about. When I explained Starfleet regulations to her and how there were very limited opportunities for advancement on a small ship like Voyager, before I got Starfleet Command to bend the rules for us, that is, she understood perfectly. Oh, she was a joy to speak to. She always is. Just like her son.”

“You’re a joy to talk to as well, Captain.”

“I don’t know about that. I’ve definitely had better nights.”

“Is there anything I can do for you or bring to you that might help you feel better, Captain?”

“No thanks, Harry. I appreciate it, though.”

“You’ve done so much for me over the years. And I don’t merely want to say thank you. I want to do something to help,” said Harry as began visibly fighting off tears.

“The best thing you can do to help me now, Harry – the best thing all of you can do to help me now – is to get back to Earth safe and sound. That’s all I ask.”

“But there’s got to be something else I can do. Wait a minute! I know. We all know how strict Dr. Luke is being about your diet now. We know he’s not letting you drink coffee. But just for the heck of it, why don’t I sneak you in a big, hot, steaming cup of coffee for you tomorrow morning? Black. Just the way you like it.”

Kathryn smiled, and then she reached up and lovingly touched Harry’s cheek with her fingertips, and she told him, “You’re such a sweetheart, Harry. You really are.” In the next moment, she brought her hand back down by her side, and she said to Harry, “I appreciate the thought, but I can’t drink coffee anymore, Harry. I simply can’t. It hurts my stomach so much now. It makes me so nauseous. It’s really become a lot more trouble than it’s worth.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Captain. I’m really sorry.”

“I appreciate the thought, Harry. I really do.”

Unable to say anything else, Harry just put his arms around his Captain and gave her the longest, tightest hug, hoping it could express to her the deep love he’d always had for her that he simply could not put into words. And after their long embrace finally ended, they exchanged the usual pleasantries, and Harry said goodbye and left.

A few minutes later, Harry walked into the Mess Hall where Chakotay, Tom, B’Elanna, Seven, Neelix, and Dexa were all sitting together.

“Harry, what’s wrong?” B’Elanna asked him when she saw that he was on the verge of tears.

“I just went to visit the Captain in Sick Bay,” he answered.

Chakotay rose from his seat, approached Harry, and asked, “How’s she doing, Harry?”

Tears filled Harry’s eyes once again as he looked at Chakotay and said, “She can’t drink coffee. Commander, she can’t drink coffee. I’d heard how the Doctor wasn’t letting her drink coffee anymore, and I offered to sneak her a cup tomorrow morning, hoping it would make her feel better, hoping it might cheer her up a little bit, and she told me that it was too hard for her to drink coffee now. She said it hurt her stomach too much and made her nauseous. That’s when it really started to hit me, Chakotay: we’re losing her. We’re really losing her. Commander, she can’t drink coffee,” Harry told him as the uncontrollable sobs started to come. And without a word, Chakotay put his arms around Harry, and he just let him cry. And as Harry cried on the outside, all the others cried silently on the inside, because they all knew Harry was right. For Kathryn Janeway of all people to be too sick to drink coffee, they knew that unless a God-given miracle came their way, they really would be losing both their Captain and their matriarch. And soon.

Chapter Text

A/N: See Chapter1 for Disclaimer.

Chapter 6: Captain on the Bridge

The following evening, Luke was sitting by Kathryn’s biobed, same as always, and they’d been talking and joking around for a while. But then, things got a little more serious.

“You and I both wear a lot of hats on this ship,” Kathryn told Luke. “That of husband. Wife. Father. Mother. Doctor. Captain.”

“That’s very true,” Luke agreed.

“Well, I need you to take off your husband hat and put on your doctor hat for a second. I need a word with my doctor.”

Luke gave her a smile, pulled his chair up closer to Kathryn, put his hand on hers, and told her, “The Doctor’s in. What’s going on this evening, Patient Janeway?”

“Doctor, I’ve now come to the place in my life where I no longer like food. Eating used to be a pleasure for me, just like it is for everyone else, of course, but now, it’s become a chore that I dread. I’m so weak and exhausted these days that half the time, it wears me out just chewing my food. And more often than not, when I do eat and drink, it hurts my stomach and I’m not able to keep any of it down. Bottom line: I don’t like eating, Doctor, and I don’t want to do it anymore.”

Although Dr. Luke tried to hide it from Kathryn, she could easily see it in his eyes in those moments how heartbroken he was to see this happening to her.

Dr. Luke responded in a very soft voice, “You don’t have to do it anymore, darling. Not if you don’t want to. It’s alright. I’ve known for a little while now that this was coming. I know that eating has become terribly difficult for you. And I also know how very much you want to hold on for B’Elanna’s sake until we reach the point where Earth becomes visible on Voyager’s long-range sensors. And if that’s going to happen, then that leaves me with no other choice but to insert a nasogastric tube so I can feed you intravenously. And I agree with you, that it’s probably for the best. I do believe it’ll make things easier for you and help you to conserve more of your strength. I think it’s clear that we’ve come to the point now where resting is more important and more helpful than trying to take in solid food.”

“Yes, I think it would make things much easier for me.”

“I understand. I know that all the time and energy you expend in trying to eat food and keep it down would be much better spent resting now. I’ll insert the NG tube first thing in the morning.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“Of course,” Dr. Luke said in an emotional whisper.

“Now, it’s time for me to put on my captain hat for a moment. Doctor, I heard you specifically addressing one of your patients as ‘darling.’ That’s highly inappropriate behavior for a doctor to get so lovey-dovey with one of his own patients. How dare you? I ought to throw you straight in the Brig,” she teased. She knew Luke was on the verge of tears, and more than anything now, she wanted to bring a smile to his face and get him to laugh a bit.

Luke was too heartbroken to laugh, but he did smile. And then, he leaned in and gave Kathryn a very long kiss.

In the next moment, with his forehead resting on hers, he said in an emotional whisper, “I’d gladly stay in the Brig for the rest of my natural life if it would make you well.”

Luke then sat up again, and Kathryn told him, “I know you would. I know how much you wish I had let you be the one to do this and not me. But I couldn’t have allowed you to sacrifice yourself any more than I could have allowed one of our own children to.”

“I know. I know that if the tables had been reversed and I were the Captain of Voyager and this had been my command decision to make, I never would have been able to allow you to sacrifice your life, either. But that doesn’t stop me from wishing with all my heart and soul that I had been able to talk you out of it.”

“I know, my love. I know how badly this is hurting you, and I’d take away all your pain in a heartbeat if I could.”

“Stop focusing on me and worrying about me, Katie. All of my pain, as bad as it is, is nothing but a drop in the bucket compared to everything you’ve already gone through, not to mention everything you’re still going through right now, both psychologically and physically. I just want to do everything in my power to help you as much as I possibly can now.”

“Oh, my love, you help me far more than you know, just by being here. Just opening my eyes and seeing you here, just your presence alone, comforts me so much. I want you to know that.”

Before Luke could respond, though, Kathryn’s whole body visibly tensed up as searing pain ripped through her whole body. Pain so intense that it caused even a battle-hardened Starfleet captain like Kathryn to cry out in agony. Luke immediately grabbed a hypospray full of some very strong pain medication that he had sitting on a cart nearby, and he pressed it to Kathryn’s neck, and mercifully for both of them, it took effect immediately.

“Thanks,” she gasped as he set the hypospray down on the cart again.

“Is it helping?” Luke asked anxiously.

Kathryn nodded and replied, “It is.”

“Good,” Luke whispered, gently caressing Kathryn’s cheek with his fingertips.

“Oh, Luke,” Kathryn said with a tired sigh. “Your wife is old and tired.”

Luke leaned in then and whispered in Kathryn’s ear, “Your husband is old and bald.”

Kathryn softly chuckled a bit, and then she told Luke, “My husband may be old and bald, but his bald head will always be much sexier than Jean-Luc Picard’s.”

“Oh? I beat the Captain of the Enterprise?” he said with a smile.

“Every single time. Old Picard doesn’t stand a chance against you. He never did.”

“That’s very sweet of you to say.”

“It’s true.”

“Well now that we’ve officially established that very ego-boosting fact,” said Luke, which brought a smile to Kathryn’s face, “I suggest you and I pick up with this conversation again sometime tomorrow. Old people like us do need our rest, after all.”

“Is the Doctor telling the Captain it’s bedtime and ordering her to bed?” Kathryn teased.

“Yes. The Doctor is asking the Captain to pretend he’s her C.M.O. once again, and the Doctor is ordering the Captain to bed.”

“You may have resigned your commission years earlier, but as far as I’m concerned, you’ll always be my C.M.O. And speaking of your medical career, I want you to promise me something before I go to sleep. And I want you to remember this.”

“I’m listening.”

“I want you to promise me that once Deborah is old enough, you’ll go back into medicine. And I want you to promise me that until that time comes, you’ll keep yourself in good shape, both physically and mentally. I want you to keep that extraordinary mind God has given you as sharp as possible. There are going to be a lot of people out there who are really going to need a doctor like you. Don’t you dare let that remarkable medical mind you’ve got go to waste. Do you hear me?”

“I hear you, love. I won’t let you down. I promise. Don’t worry,” he whispered.

“We’re approaching the end of my story now, but yours still has many, many chapters left. You’ve still got lots to do. Lots of people to help. Lots of lives to save. And lots of love to find and to give.”

Luke shook his head and said, “Not for me, Katie. You’re the most extraordinary woman I’ve ever known. You’re the most beautiful soul I’ve ever known, on the inside and out. Being married to you has been like enjoying the finest, most exquisite feast you can imagine, endlessly, for nearly twelve years straight. After you, any other woman would just be cotton candy in comparison. Not appealing at all. You’ve ruined me for all other women for the rest of my life.”

“Oh, I felt that way, too, when I lost Justin all those years ago. And Mark. Little did I know what the good Lord had in store for me. These past twelve years with you have been the greatest and most wonderful surprise of my life that I never could have anticipated back then. Luke, you can’t–” Kathryn started to say, but then Luke put his lips over hers and gave her a very long kiss. And in the following moment, he got out of his chair and climbed into the biobed with her.

He then said, “Computer, dim the lights to fifteen percent illumination.” The computer responded to Luke’s command, and Sick Bay became much darker. “Time to go to sleep now, Captain. C.M.O.’s orders.”

“Aye, sir,” said Kathryn after resting her head on her husband’s chest.

“Rest well, Katie. I love you so much,” he whispered.

“I love you, too, my dear,” Kathryn whispered, and then she quickly drifted off to sleep in Luke’s arms.

The next morning, Dr. Luke put in the feeding tube as planned, and when everyone else on Voyager heard the sad news that their Captain could no longer eat, it greatly hurt their hearts. And sadly, during the final three weeks of their trip through Kensyte space, Captain Janeway’s condition took a real nosedive. Naturally, Dr. Luke was more than happy to finally get to disconnect her from the Kensyte biometric device once they were clear of Kensyte territory, and that did help the Captain’s condition a little, but even after he disconnected her from it, she continued to go downhill overall because of the great damage that had already been done to her organ systems.

Two weeks after departing from Kensyte space, on the day of Captain Janeway’s and Dr. Luke’s twelfth wedding anniversary in September of 2392, there was some lowkey excitement among the crewmen of Voyager as they knew they would be seeing the first live scans of Earth on Voyager’s long-range sensors within the next day or two. A moment they’d all been dreaming of for a long time now. But even though there was some excitement, it was pretty subdued for the most part, because they all knew they would be losing their beloved Captain any day now. The woman who had loved them and cared for them and protected them and kept them alive against overwhelming odds for over two decades. Their Captain. Their Friend. Their Leader. Their Teacher. Their Encourager. Their Protector. Their Example. Their Second Mother. Their Matriarch.

In the meantime, as the rest of crew anticipated seeing Earth on their own ship’s long-range sensors for the first time in over two decades, Dr. Luke continued to remain by the Captain’s bedside at all times in Sick Bay. She was pretty out of it during the day of their wedding anniversary, but the day after that, she was a bit a more alert. And when she opened her eyes on the twenty-second of September, she found that Luke was lying in her biobed with her, holding her close, just as always.

“Well, hello there, my beautiful Captain,” he said softly, and then he kissed her.

“Hello,” she gasped.

“Don’t talk now, Katie,” he whispered. “Don’t talk. Don’t speak. I know how hard it is for you to talk now. Don’t even try. Rest now. Just get as much rest as you can. Don’t worry about anything else.”

“You’re right. Speaking is harder now. We need to…work out a signal of some kind. Just between the two of us.”

“What kind of signal?”

“I want to find a way…to keep telling you I love you. Even when I can’t speak the words anymore. I don’t know…something simple. Like if I tap your arm three times, you’ll know that’s what I’m saying. Something like that.”

“Oh, Katie,” Luke gasped as tears filled his eyes. And then he lovingly kissed the top of her head and whispered, “I don’t need a signal to know how much you love me, and I don’t need to hear you speak the words. None of us do. Every person on this crew who has lived with you and worked with you these past two decades knows it very well that out of all the captains in Starfleet history, there has never been another captain who has ever loved their crew more than you have. And there has never been a husband more blessed by God, more tenderly loved and cared for by his wife, than I’ve been.”

“Thank you for saying that.”

“It’s true. It’s completely true. And if you really want to show your love for me now, you’ll stop expending your precious energy trying to talk, and you’ll allow yourself to rest. Really, really rest. Save your strength now, Katie. That’ll help my heart more than anything else right now.”

“Okay,” Kathryn sighed. “I want to go back to sleep.”

“You just go right ahead, love. You go right ahead. You sleep just as much as you want to now. You’ve more than earned it.”

Kathryn gave him a slight nod, and then, with her head resting on Luke’s chest, she easily drifted off to sleep once again.

A few hours later, Tom came by Sick Bay to start his duty shift. By that time, the Doctor had gotten out of the biobed and was now sitting in his usual chair by the Captain’s bedside, vigilantly watching over her. After saying hello to each other, Tom got to work organizing and updating the crew’s medical files for Dr. Dexa over the next couple of minutes, and it was then that it began. The Captain began making the dreaded noise often referred to as the “death rattle.” Tom immediately got up from Dr. Dexa’s desk and came out of her office then, and the Doctor quickly rose from his seat, grabbed a hypospray from the medical cart near the biobed, and pressed it to the Captain’s neck. He then took out the nasal cannula from under her nose and replaced it with an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth, and he turned up the oxygen flow as high as possible.

In that moment, Tom approached him, put his hand on his shoulder, and asked, “You okay, Doc? How you holding up?”

“I’m very worried about Katie,” Dr. Luke replied soberly. “I know what all the medical studies and findings say, that once dying patients get to this stage, where they’re no longer strong enough to cough and clear their throat and they start making the sound known as the death rattle, it’s not uncomfortable for them because they’re in such a relaxed state. But I know how uncomfortable and agitated I would feel if I needed to clear my throat but couldn’t. So I just gave her a hypospray to dry up the excess mucus, and I switched her over from a nasal cannula to an oxygen mask. I don’t want her feeling like she can’t get enough air. I don’t want her feeling any discomfort now, even subconsciously.”

“She’s not feeling any discomfort, Doc. She’s not in any pain now. She’s resting. She’s in a very deep sleep. You’re doing an amazing job. You really are.”

“Thank you for the compliment, Mr. Paris.”

“It’s the truth.”

After a long pause, Dr. Luke told Tom, “You’ve been my assistant here in Sick Bay for over twenty years now, Mr. Paris. You don’t need me to tell you what that sound means.”

“Right,” Tom whispered.

“You should inform Commander Chakotay and all the senior officers; tell them that if they have anything they want to say to the Captain, they’d better do it sometime within the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours, at the most.”

“I will. Is there anything else I can do?” asked Tom.

Dr. Luke shook his head and replied, “No. Thank you, though.”

He then went back over to his seat, sat down, leaned his head back a little, and just rested his exhausted eyes.

In that moment, Tom approached him, put his hand on his shoulder again, and asked, “Doc, when did you last sleep?”

“I’m really not sure. It’s been a while now. But I really don’t want to try to sleep, Tom. I just want to be with Katie now. I just want her to sense it that I’m here, that she’s not alone, just in case there is any part of her subconscious mind that can still sense the presence of others.”

“Well I, for one, am convinced that if Captain Janeway were awake right now, she would want you to take a break and get some rest. I think that would make her feel a lot better than it would for you to continue depriving yourself of sleep you badly need. Don’t worry, Dr. Luke. I’ll take over for you while rest. I’ll stay right here by her side. I won’t move a muscle unless there’s a change or she wakes up and needs something.”

After a pause, Dr. Luke told Tom, “If there is any kind of change in her condition, or if she does wake up and need anything, promise me you’ll wake me immediately.”

“I will, Doc. I will. Don’t worry.”

Dr. Luke nodded then, and he got up from his seat and walked over to the nearest biobed, and he took off his shoes and laid down. Afterwards, Tom got out a silver blanket and a couple of pillows and came back over to Dr. Luke’s biobed. The Doctor was so very exhausted that by the time Tom came to his bed with the pillows and the blanket, he was already sound asleep. Tom then gently placed the pillows underneath his friend’s head and covered him with the blanket before returning to the Captain’s bedside. And as soon as he sat down, he shot up a fervent silent prayer to Jesus for his two very dear friends.

Dr. Luke had been so badly fatigued and sleep-deprived that he slept the rest of that afternoon and all the way through the night. And as he slept, Commander Chakotay and several other crewmen came by to visit the Captain. Naturally, Tom stayed true to his word and remained by Captain Janeway’s bedside the whole time, and he was still there when the Doctor finally woke up at about seven o’clock in the morning on the twenty-third of September, 2392. The day the family of the Voyager crew would completely change.

The instant Luke opened his eyes that morning, he turned his head to look and see what was happening with Kathryn, and when he did, he saw that Tom was still sitting there by her bedside, and Kathryn was still fighting and hanging on. He immediately sat up and got out of the biobed, and he walked over to Kathryn and Tom.

“How long was I asleep, Tom?” Luke inquired.

“You were asleep a good while there, Doc. It’s seven in the morning now,” Tom replied.

“How could you let me sleep that long?”

“Because you needed it, Doc. You needed sleep so badly. The Captain isn’t going to benefit from the care of an exhausted husband and an exhausted doctor. You know that. She needs you to be at your best, now more than ever before.”

Dr. Luke nodded then, and he said, “You’re right, Tom. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Tom got up in that moment and told him, “You have nothing to be sorry for, Doc. Nothing at all. Here, have a seat.”

“Thank you. How has she been since I fell asleep yesterday?” he asked while sitting down.

“The same, for the most part. Although, I, uh…I had to give her another hypospray for the, uh…for the mucus. It had started building up again, and she’d started making the same sound she’d made before, and I knew how much that would upset you, so I gave her a second hypo.”

“What time did you give it?”

“It was around midnight last night.”

“Thank you, Tom. You did the right thing.”

“Of course. Now that you’re awake, I need to go shower and change, get ready for my duty shift on the Bridge.”

“Oh, yes. I forgot about that. You’re already a little late, Mr. Paris. You’d better get a move on.”

“Call me, call any of us, if you need anything, Doc. Anything at all. I mean that.”

“Thank you,” Dr. Luke told Tom, and then Tom reluctantly walked out of Sick Bay.

After Tom had left, Dr. Luke remained by the Captain’s bedside for the next ten minutes, quiet and still as a statue. Then, all of the sudden, Kathryn opened her eyes, sat up in the biobed, and took off the oxygen mask.

“No, no, Katie; don’t take the mask off. You need it,” Luke told her gently.

“Are we there, Luke?” she asked.

“Are we where, sweetheart? What are you talking about?”

“Is Earth visible on our long-range sensors now?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t heard.”

“Ask Chakotay, will you, please?”

Dr. Luke then tapped his combadge and said, “Dr. Luke to Commander Chakotay.”

“Chakotay here,” his voice answered over the combadge.

“The Captain’s awake, and she wants to know if Earth has become visible on our long-range sensors yet.”

“Not yet, but we should be seeing it soon.”

“Thank you, Commander. Dr. Luke out.”

It was in that moment that Luke saw a real fire reignite in Kathryn’s blue eyes. And it was then that he realized what was happening. The medical term for it was terminal lucidity, a brief period of time, around a day or so, when an actively dying patient experiences a sudden burst of energy and lucidity very shortly before their actual death. Kathryn was rallying. Her strength and personality were coming back. And as a physician, Luke knew what that meant. Luke knew this was it.

Kathryn then turned her gaze to her husband and told him, “I need you to help me with something.”

“Of course, Kate. I’ll do anything you need. You just name it.”

“I need you to take out the feeding tube, and I need you to replicate a new uniform for me in a smaller size and help me change. I know I’ve lost a lot of weight. I know the uniforms I have will be too large now.”

“You want to go out to the Bridge so you can be there when we first see Earth on our sensors,” he deduced.

“Yes. I know how much it means to the crew, especially B’Elanna, that I be there for that. And really, I need to do it for myself as well. I need to fix myself up, put on my uniform, walk out onto the Bridge, and be there with my crew and for my crew as their Captain…one last time.”

“As your doctor, I must advise against it. I don’t want to scare you, Kathryn, but I have to tell you the truth. I know you know about the gurgling sound that terminally ill patients make when death is very near. A noise commonly referred to as the ‘death rattle.’”

“Yes.”

“Well yesterday, you were making that sound. Kathryn, you were literally too weak to clear your throat. Getting dressed and taking a stroll from Sick Bay to the Bridge might not seem like a very big deal, but you are so weak now that even doing that could easily kill you. You have the strongest, most powerful spirit I’ve ever seen, but that powerful spirit is living inside a body that is extremely fragile now.”

“I understand, Doctor. But I know I can do this. I’ve got it in me. I know it. And I need to do this.”

“Your doctor doesn’t like it, and he doesn’t agree. But your husband understands, and he does agree that you’ve got it in you to do this. The Almighty gave you such a powerful spirit. One that can do anything it sets its mind to.”

Luke then gave Kathryn a long, passionate kiss, and after that, he took out the feeding tube, replicated a smaller red Starfleet uniform for her to wear, helped her change into it, and helped her with her hair and makeup.

Once he got her black boots on for her, Luke told her, “You know, we could do this the easy way. I could just transport us directly to the Bridge.”

“Have I ever been the type of person who takes the easy way out?” Kathryn asked her husband knowingly, and he shook his head.

“Never,” he admitted.

“I’m not going out on that Bridge as a weak, frail, dying captain. I’m going out there as a captain who knows how to be strong for her people when they need her to be. Understand?”

“Aye, Captain,” Dr. Luke said in an emotional whisper. “But speaking as your C.M.O., I’m only going to help you do this on one condition.”

“What’s that, Doctor?” the Captain asked with a smile.

“That you let me support you as much as possible as we walk out to the turbolift. That you’ll lean on me as much as you can and let me do the work.”

“Agreed,” said Kathryn. And in the next moment, she put her arms around her husband’s neck and gave him a very long, tender kiss. And then, their journey to the turbolift began.

After Dr. Luke had gotten Captain Janeway to the turbolift and the doors closed, the Captain told her husband, “Once we get to the Bridge and the doors open, I want you to let go of me.” He still had a very protective arm around her waist, holding her up and supporting almost all of her weight.

“I can’t do that. It’s far too dangerous,” he protested.

“I can do this, Luke. And I need to do this. I need to walk those final steps out to the captain’s chair on my own. Remember, I am not going out there as a frail and dying captain. I’m going out there as the same mama bear captain I’ve always been. I’m going out there to give strength to the people I love. Not to worry them.”

“Aye, Captain,” Luke gasped, just barely managing to hold back his tears.

A few moments later, the doors to the turbolift opened, and Luke very reluctantly let go of Kathryn. And then, she took her first steps out of the turbolift and onto the Bridge.

Commander Tuvok turned his head as soon as he heard the turbolift doors open, and the instant he saw her walking out onto the Bridge without any help, under her own power, he rose from his seat and loudly announced, “Captain on the Bridge!”

Chakotay immediately stood and turned, and as soon as he saw his Captain walking inside, with the Doctor following closely behind her, he rushed to her side as quickly as his legs would take him.

“Captain,” he said worriedly, putting his hand on her left arm.

Tuvok and Harry also left their stations and hurried to the Captain’s side, and Tom put the ship on auto-pilot and did the same. Seven, Neelix, Dexa, Kes, and B’Elanna, who were also on the Bridge, waiting to see the first live images of Earth on Voyager’s long-range sensors, rushed to their Captain’s side as well.

“It’s alright, everybody. It’s alright. I’m fine. I’m fine. Don’t worry,” she told them, trying her best to reassure them. “I just wanted to take a little stroll to the Bridge; that’s all.”

“You must sit down, Captain,” said Seven.

“Seven’s right, Captain. You need to sit down immediately,” said Tom, who was quite shocked to see the woman who’d been practically unconscious less than an hour ago, obviously at death’s door, now not only dressed in her Starfleet uniform, but even standing and walking. And obviously, he was greatly concerned for her, as they all were.

“I concur with Seven and Mr. Paris, Captain,” said Tuvok.

“That’s where I’m headed right now. To my chair. You all can relax,” Captain Janeway assured them.

“We’ll help you, Captain,” said Harry.

“I appreciate it, Harry, but I don’t need any help. I can get there myself.”

“I’m afraid your First Officer isn’t going to take no for an answer, Captain,” said Chakotay. And then he motioned for Dr. Luke to come around, which he did. “It’s an old Maquis tradition that when the Captain returns to the Bridge after being stuck in Sick Bay for a while, the Captain must be properly escorted to the captain’s chair by the First Officer and the Chief Medical Officer.”

“You’re making that up, Chakotay,” Kathryn said with a bit of a chuckle.

“No, he’s not. That’s always been an old Maquis tradition,” B’Elanna argued as they all began to walk with Captain Janeway to her chair, surrounding her in a big, protective huddle. Chakotay was holding onto Kathryn’s left arm, and Luke was holding onto her right arm, and they both supported her weight almost completely, very nearly carrying her to her chair, as everyone else followed.

“Easy, Captain. Easy. Easy,” Chakotay whispered as he and Luke eased her down into the captain’s chair.

“Thank you both. You can relax, Commander. I’m alright. Return to your stations, everyone. Mr. Kim, keep an eye on the live scans from our long-range sensors. I want to be right here with all of you when we see the first live images of Earth with our own sensors. I wouldn’t miss this moment for anything.”

“Aye, Captain,” Harry responded, and then he and all the other Bridge officers reluctantly returned to their stations while Dr. Luke, Kes, Neelix, Dr. Dexa, and Seven of Nine stood near the captain’s chair.

Less than one minute later, Harry announced, “Earth is visible on our long-range sensors now, Captain.”

“Put it on the viewscreen, Harry,” the Captain ordered.

“Yes, ma’am,” said Harry.

And then, for the first time in so many years, Captain Janeway and her crew feasted their eyes on the first live images of Earth they’d seen from their own ship in over two decades. It was a very moving moment for all of them to say the very least.

A few seconds later, Captain Janeway whispered something in Commander Chakotay’s ear, and afterwards, he rose from his seat and went over to B’Elanna’s station.

As soon as Chakotay approached her, B’Elanna stood, and then he told her, “The Captain wants you to sit beside her now.”

B’Elanna walked quickly over to Chakotay’s vacant seat and sat down beside her Captain. And the Captain turned her gaze to B’Elanna, took her hand, and told her, “I know how much you wanted me to be here with you when we first saw Earth on our sensors and when we docked into one of Starfleet’s docking bays when we got home. I may not make it to a Starfleet docking bay, but I’m with you now, B’Elanna, watching Earth on our viewscreen with you for the first time in so many years. One out of two isn’t bad, is it?”

An invisible blade plunged right into B’Elanna’s heart in those moments as she realized what her Captain and her second mother and her dear friend had done for her. Despite all the agonizing pain and crippling exhaustion she’d suffered, she’d fought through it all, held on through it all, for her. Because she’d known how important it was, not just to the crew, but to her, for her to be there with them when their long-range sensors began displaying live images of Earth for the first time in over two decades.

B’Elanna then squeezed her Captain’s hand, locked eyes with her, and told her truthfully, “One out of two is plenty, Captain. It’s more than enough.”

“Good,” said the Captain with a very contented smile.

A couple of moments later, B’Elanna felt the Captain’s very cold hand begin to tremble inside her own, and she said, “Captain, you’re shaking. You’re as cold as ice. I’ll be right back. I’m going to go find you a blanket.”

The Captain shook her head and said, “I don’t need a blanket, B’Elanna. As long as I’ve got the people I love with me, that’s all I need. I’m fine. Don’t worry. Just stay here with me and enjoy the view. Let’s all just sit back and enjoy this magnificent sight together that we’ve all waited over twenty years to see. As a family.”

Tom then motioned for Chakotay to come over, and he did, and Tom whispered something in Chakotay’s ear, which Chakotay responded to with a nod. After that, Tom got up and quietly left the Bridge, and Chakotay set the helm back on auto-pilot.

“Now what’s Tom up to?” asked the Captain.

“I’m not sure,” said B’Elanna.

“He just had a little errand to run, Captain. He’ll be right back,” said Chakotay as he approached the Captain and B’Elanna. Seven of Nine and Kes were now standing closer to the first officer’s chair where B’Elanna was sitting, and Neelix, Dr. Dexa, and Dr. Luke were standing near the captain’s chair. And in those moments, Chakotay really sensed it how much the Captain needed to see her family around her now, so he motioned for Tuvok and Harry to leave their stations and come over to where they were, and they did so immediately.

“I hope he won’t take too long. He’s missing a wonderful view,” said Captain Janeway.

“Not to worry, Captain. He won’t be long,” Chakotay assured her.

A few moments later, Tom returned to the Bridge with a silver blanket and a pillow, and he came around to the Captain’s chair.

“Starfleet Command Directive 36: If the crew ever allows their Captain to turn into a block of ice, they shall all be court-martialed immediately,” said Tom as he placed the pillow behind the Captain’s head and covered her in the blanket.

“Yes, Tom’s father has informed us a number of times over the years that if a Starfleet crew ever fails to treat their Captain like a queen, they shall be court-martialed and sent straight to the brig for at least a year,” B’Elanna kidded.

“You two are so crazy,” the Captain said with a chuckle. “And I don’t know what I’d do without you. I don’t know what I would do without all of you. I don’t think there’s ever been a captain in Starfleet history who’s as proud of their crew as I am. You’re the best crew a captain could ask for. And you’re the most loving family a person could ever hope to be a part of. Thank you. Thank you all so much for being in my life. For letting me learn from all of you. For letting me be a part of your lives.”

With a single tear falling from her eye, Seven crouched down at the Captain’s eye-level, and she told the Captain, “We should be saying all these things to you, Captain.”

“Seven’s right,” B’Elanna agreed. “Nobody’s been more patient or more understanding or more giving to us than you’ve been, Captain. I don’t know where I would be today if it hadn’t been for you. Having someone like you loving me and believing in me the way that you did, giving me more love and acceptance than what I got from my own parents…it just changed everything.”

“And that definitely holds true for me. You could’ve left me to rot in that Federation prison all those years ago. Gotten yourself another pilot and forgotten all about me. Thanks to you, I found a whole new life here on Voyager. A new purpose. A new family. If God hadn’t sent you into my life, B’Elanna’s life, all our lives, we wouldn’t be the people we are today,” said Tom.

“Mr. Paris is correct,” Seven concurred. “Lord knows I would probably still be a Borg drone today had it not been for you. You were so very patient with me during my first few years on Voyager as I slowly became an individual. I know I did not make it easy for you.”

“The most precious things in life are never easy, Seven,” the Captain said softly as she reached out and lovingly touched Seven’s cheek with her fingertips. “But they’re always worth it.”

“Still, though, you’ve been so very patient and kind and tenderhearted and understanding…with all of us,” Chakotay said in an emotional whisper. “Any other captain would’ve gotten us killed out here in this crazy deathtrap of a quadrant long ago. And any other captain probably would’ve gone completely insane. And Lord knows there were times when I wasn’t there for you like I should have been; when I only made your burdens heavier instead of lighter.”

“I think we’ve all been guilty of doing that at one point or another,” Luke chimed in. “I certainly have been. The patience you’ve shown me over the years, Katie, has truly been incredible. No other captain would’ve treated a mere hologram with as much dignity and respect as you treated me. You could’ve easily treated me like an object, even a slave, but you didn’t. You gave me extraordinary freedom to learn, grow, expand. Freedom to develop my own unique personality. And in our first seven years on Voyager, I often only repaid your generosity with grumbling and complaining when every single little thing didn’t go my way. But you never got angry at me or lost your temper with me. You were always so generous and so patient. With all of us. I don’t believe there’s ever been another captain who’s been kinder and more loving to their crew than you have. We all owe you our lives many times over for how you’ve protected us, sacrificed for us, taught us, guided us, nurtured us, for over two decades. We all wouldn’t even be standing here today if it weren’t for you.”

With tears coming to her eyes, the Captain looked into the faces of those dearest to her, and she told them, “I love you all so much. So much.”

Everyone told the Captain they loved her. And then, she tapped into her telepathic and empathic abilities, and with the strength she had left, she began pouring as much love into their minds, and into the minds of her children, as she could. And the warmth and comfort and pure love they all felt from her in those moments was beyond what words could express.

This went on for the next two minutes, all of them still, with their eyes closed, just focusing on the thoughts and feelings, the warmth and love the Captain was pouring into them, until Chakotay began sensing pain from Kathryn in her hands. So he opened his eyes, and when he looked at her hands, he saw that she had them clinched up in fists so tightly, her fingernails digging into the palms of her hands so deeply, that her hands were actually beginning to bleed.

He rushed to her side, and he said, “Kes, come here. Quick.”

Kes opened her eyes in that moment and knelt down with Chakotay in front of the Captain, Chakotay on the Captain’s left and Kes on her right.

“Take her right hand, Kes,” Chakotay commanded her. “I’ll take her left.”

Kes nodded, and then they each took her hand in theirs.

Just hold onto our hands, Kathryn, Chakotay told the Captain in his thoughts. Kes has got your right hand and I’ve got your left. Please don’t clinch your fists anymore, Kathryn; you’re hurting yourself. Just squeeze our hands. We’re right here with you. I know that back when you had the entire galaxy on your shoulders with the Borg and Species 8472, I left your side, emotionally speaking, because I was selfish and I was a fool. But I’m not that selfish fool anymore, Kathryn. I’m here. I’m here. I’m right here by your side, and I’m not leaving you now like I did before. You’re not alone. You’re not doing this alone. Not this time. I’m here, and I’m never abandoning you again. Never, ever again.

Chakotay’s mind and mine are linked with yours now, Captain, Kes told her telepathically. You don’t have to use so much of your strength to transmit your thoughts and feelings. Chakotay and I can carry your thoughts and your feelings into the minds of all the people you love now. Just lean on us and let us do the work.

That’s right, Kathryn. You don’t need to do the work now, Chakotay told the Captain. Let Kes and me do it for you. Just lean on us now. Just rest and let us do the heavy lifting now. Rest, Kathryn.

In the following moments, the Captain’s strength really began to wane, so she asked Chakotay and Kes to sever the link she’d established with everyone on the Bridge, and she just focused on pouring as much love as she possibly could into her children. And again, Chakotay and Kes did most of the work of transmitting the Captain’s thoughts and emotions to them.

Finally, the Captain simply did not have the strength to maintain the telepathic link any longer, so she severed it completely.

But in the final second before she did, breathing suddenly became much more difficult, and she said in Chakotay’s mind, I need to breathe, Chakotay.

The Captain then leaned her head back, and with her mouth wide open, she began gasping and struggling for air. And Dr. Luke immediately rushed over, took her in his arms, and picked her up out of her chair.

“Doctor, I’m transporting you, Tom, Kes, Dexa, and the Captain directly to Sick Bay right now,” Chakotay informed them. And in the next second, they all disappeared in the transporter beam.

Miraculously, Dr. Luke, Dr. Dexa, Tom, and Kes managed to somewhat stabilize the Captain in Sick Bay. But they all knew it wouldn’t be for long. Even though they’d gotten her out of imminent danger of dying, they all knew she had only hours left at the very most. After they’d stabilized her a little, Dr. Luke let them know that he wished to be alone with his wife now, so they left.

A couple of minutes after the others had gone, Luke grabbed a chair and sat down at Kathryn’s left side. He had the top half of the biobed tilted as far up as it would go, with several pillows behind her so she could sit up as much as possible, and he’d put an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth. He and the others had also taken off her Starfleet uniform and put a turquoise patient gown on her once again so she’d be more comfortable.

Kathryn then opened her tired eyes, and Luke took her hand, leaned in, and whispered, “Hello there, beautiful.”

Kathryn took off her oxygen mask, and she told Luke, “You need an eye exam.”

Luke quickly put the mask back on for her, and he said, “First of all, regardless of your physical appearance, you will always be the most beautiful person on this ship. Always. And second, I need you to keep your mask on now. Don’t try to speak. It’s very important that you rest as much as possible now.”

Kathryn took off the mask again and said, “No. It’s more important that I speak. There are things I want to say. Things I need to say. I could just say it all telepathically, but it’s important to me that you hear me say the words. Please.”

Reluctantly, Luke took the oxygen mask away and replaced it with a nasal cannula, which delivered an extra supply of oxygen instead, so that it would be easier for Kathryn to speak.

“Don’t try to say too much. I don’t want you to tire yourself out,” he told her as he sat down in the chair by her biobed again.

Kathryn chuckled inside and smiled, and she told her husband, “It’s a little late for that. I’m always tired.”

“Which is why you should be resting instead of spending your precious energy on a conversation with a bald old clown like me.”

“You were never a ‘bald old clown.’ Even before Jesus made you human, you were always special. You may have had a bit of an ego–”

“Understatement of the century,” said Luke with a chuckle.

“But you were always so brilliant. Creative. Artistic. Many human doctors would not have been able to accomplish what you did those first seven years in the Delta Quadrant. Yes, you were just a tool in those days, and not a person divinely created by God in His image, but even so, you were incredible.”

“I largely have you to thank for that. I was programmed by Starfleet to be a physician, yes, but it was you who taught me…what it really means to be human. It was you who allowed me freedoms and privileges that no other EMH could’ve possibly dreamed of. Freedoms and privileges to expand my programming. Explore myself. Develop a personality. I never could have accomplished all that I did had you not treated me with so much kindness and generosity and dignity and respect in those first seven years. No other captain in Starfleet would’ve treated me as amazingly well as you did. Especially considering the fact that I used to have an ego the size of the entire Delta Quadrant itself.”

“Maybe so, but your ego was never half as big as that enormous, beautiful heart of yours that I fell head over heels in love with. That I’m still falling in love with, each and every day. I was in a lot of pain inside for a very long time. And you brought so much healing into my life. And joy. Pure joy. I thank God for you every day of my life, Luke.”

“And there isn’t a moment I’m not silently thanking Him for you,” Luke whispered, fighting off tears.

“Thank you, Luke,” Kathryn whispered while touching his cheek with her fingertips. “Thank you so much for giving me the twelve most beautiful years of my life. Thank you for twelve years of joy, excitement, adventure, growing, learning, fighting, spats, love, passion, tenderness. Thank you for the five most wonderful children any parent could ever hope to have.”

“I thank you for those things,” Luke gasped as tears came to his eyes. And then he took Kathryn’s hand, that was still touching his cheek, and he kissed it.

In those moments, Kathryn began to see heaven, itself. And it was then that every ounce of pain and agony she’d carried inside for so many years started to vanish completely. She finally began seeing herself the way the Almighty God and all her loved ones had seen her all along. Not as someone who was shortsighted and selfish, but as the most tenderhearted, loving, selfless hero who’d sacrificed so very much for others and had bravely carried unspeakable burdens for so many years. For the Ocampa. For her crew. Even for the entire Milky Way galaxy, itself. As someone more than worthy of love, tenderness, compassion, and the deepest respect.

Few people ever really understood the mental and emotional battles Kathryn had had to fight on the inside every day of her life, but in those moments, she was lovingly reminded of what she’d already known for years, that Jesus, Himself, the very Creator of the universe, had always understood everything she’d gone through completely. That He was not some distant, aloof God who knew nothing and cared nothing about His children’s pain and struggles. And in those moments, the Holy Spirit reminded her that They’d been there with her all along; that They’d seen and completely understood every invisible battle she’d ever had to fight inside, and that she’d never been fighting alone.

And then, Kathryn came to the sweetest realization. The realization that her time for fighting battles, both on the inside and on the outside, was now over. The realization that now was finally her time to rest. To let go of all the pain. To leave all her immense heartache behind, once and for all. To experience and enjoy the greatest love imaginable. Forever.

“Do you remember how, when Stephen was stoned to death, he looked up and saw the heavens opened, saw the glory of God, and even saw Jesus Christ, Himself, standing at the right hand of God?” Kathryn asked Luke.

“I remember,” Luke whispered. “That’s what you’re seeing now, isn’t it?”

Kathryn nodded, tears of pure, absolute joy and peace streaming down her cheeks.

“I’m not at all surprised that our Lord Jesus, Himself, wants to stand up to personally greet you to heaven after everything you’ve been through,” Luke told her as he silently cried with her. And then he got up, sat down behind Kathryn on the biobed, wrapped his arms around her, and held her close. “Oh Katie, I’m here. I’m here. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“How I love you,” Kathryn whispered.

“How I love you,” Luke gasped through his tears, and he gave Kathryn a very long, tender kiss.

“I just want to rest my head and go to sleep now.”

“Oh, you just go right ahead, my love,” Luke whispered as he helped her rest her head on his chest. “Sleep, Katie. Just rest your head and sleep now. Just rest now. It’s alright. It’s alright. You’ve fought so long and so hard all these years. You don’t have to fight anymore. You can let yourself rest now. You can let yourself have peace now. It’s alright.”

In the following moments, Captain Kathryn Janeway easily slipped out of her broken down body, out of all her pain she’d been carrying inside for so many years, into the sweetest, most comforting embrace of Jesus, Himself. And she experienced a level of absolute, pure joy and peace beyond anything she’d ever imagined.

A high-pitched whine sounded in the background then, and Luke just kissed the top of Kathryn’s head and continued to hold her close as silent tears streamed down his face.

“Oh, Katie,” he gasped. “Oh, my sweet Katie. My precious Katie. You went through so much all these years. Too much. But it’s over now. It’s all over. You’re safe now. It’s alright. It’s alright now. Nothing will ever, ever hurt you again,” he whispered through all his tears. And then, he just kept holding Kathryn, lovingly stroking her hair in silence.

Chapter Text

A/N: See Chapter 1 for Disclaimer.

Chapter 7: Their True Home

The following days and weeks after Captain Janeway’s passing were very painful for her crew and family on Voyager, and understandably, they were the most difficult for the Doctor. Thankfully, they all really rallied around him and cared for him and looked out for him, especially Tom, B’Elanna, and Harry. And they did all they could to help him take care of his and the Captain’s children.

Chakotay also tried his best to be as helpful as possible to them during that heartbreaking time in their lives, and ironically, one of the things that made him so helpful and empathetic towards the Doctor was the fact that in his heart of hearts, he’d always been deeply in love with Kathryn. And despite all the years of her marriage to Dr. Luke and their five children, that had never changed. And it never would. No matter how many years passed, no matter how old he got, he would never, ever forget Kathryn and the enormous impact she’d had upon his entire life and his very soul. And in those last two weeks of Voyager’s journey to the Alpha Quadrant, he wanted to make certain that the crew never forgot what their Captain had sacrificed to get them home safely, which was why, during that time, he utterly refused to sit in the captain’s chair. He captained Voyager, but he did it from the first officer’s chair, not the captain’s chair, because he wanted the crew to see the empty captain’s chair every day and remember that Captain Janeway had sacrificed her life to get them back to Earth.

Finally, after so many years, Voyager returned to Earth on the sixth of October in 2392. After being debriefed by Starfleet over the next couple of weeks, they all returned to their homes and families on Earth. Dr. Luke and the children stayed with Kathryn’s mother Gretchen until he found a beautiful five-bedroom house for them nearby. Thankfully, their Voyager family members came by very frequently to visit them and check on them, and the Doctor also visited them as often as he could.

While the Doctor and his and the Captain’s children lived near the Captain’s mother in Indiana, Tom and B’Elanna and their two daughters, Miral and Julia, moved into a lovely house near where Admiral Paris lived, and Harry, Samantha, and James moved into a nice apartment near Harry’s parents. Naomi moved into her own apartment near Starfleet Headquarters in San Francisco, as did Icheb and Brax, all of whom were now also Starfleet officers in their own right. Neelix was made an ambassador to Starfleet, and he and Dr. Dexa and Alixia also got their own apartment near Starfleet Headquarters, as did Chakotay, who officially retired from Starfleet and became an anthropology professor at Starfleet Academy. Kes, who’d long since received more than enough medical training to become a Starfleet nurse, as Tom had, finally decided to officially join Starfleet, and she served as a nurse aboard a Starfleet medical ship. And finally, Tuvok also retired from Starfleet, and he, Seven, and Selik went to live in his home on Vulcan, which Tuvok’s ex-wife T’Pel had long since moved out of, that his adult children had been maintaining for him during his absence. After leaving Starfleet, Tuvok began a career in law enforcement in his community on Vulcan, helping to always maintain order and peace in his city, just as he’d always done so effectively on Voyager. After the role he’d played in Captain Janeway’s death, it was simply too hard for him to stay in Starfleet. Seven was indeed quite sad to see Tuvok leave Starfleet, but she understood why he had to do it.

They all settled into their new lives fairly quickly over the next four months. But then, one ordinary night, all the born-again believers of the Voyager crew shared in the same prophetic vision. And what they learned in that vision turned their whole lives on their heads completely. The next morning, which was on a Saturday, Dr. Luke spoke with all his Voyager family, and he invited them to his house so they could discuss it in person that afternoon. He would’ve preferred it if every believer from the Voyager crew could have come that day, but they weren’t able to because of various other obligations they had. Thankfully, though, Chakotay, Tuvok, Seven, Tom, B’Elanna, Neelix, Dr. Dexa, Harry, and Kes were all able to come.

After they all sat down together in Dr. Luke’s living room, Chakotay said, “It’s been a little while, hasn’t it?”

“Yes, it has been,” Dr. Dexa agreed.

“It’s good to have the family back together again,” said Dr. Luke. “Or perhaps I should say…it’s good to have most of the family back together again.”

“Yeah,” B’Elanna said quietly, all of them thinking of the Captain.

“I know it hasn’t been easy, Doc,” Tom said sympathetically. “How are you and the children holding up?”

“Yes, how are you guys doing?” asked Kes.

“We’re making it. It’s not easy, but we’re getting through it. Step by step, day by day, as best we can,” the Doctor told them honestly.

“Where are the kids now?” Harry asked.

“They’re spending the weekend at their grandmother’s,” Dr. Luke replied.

“That sounds nice,” said Neelix.

“They always have a great time there,” said Dr. Luke. “But anyway, down to the business at hand: that vision we all had.”

“It has been my experience over the years that when God chooses to communicate with His children through the Holy Spirit, He most often does so very subtly. But when He wishes to speak loudly to get His children’s attention, He will most certainly do so,” Tuvok chimed in.

“Agreed,” said Seven.

“He sure spoke loudly last night,” said Tom.

“No kidding,” Harry agreed.

“Although I’ve known for many years that Christianity is true, there were a number of things that did not make sense to me,” said Seven. “But after the prophetic vision we all received last night, I understand.”

“The levels of deception the vast majority of people are living in…it’s insane,” said Chakotay. “Not to mention tragic.”

“I know,” Dr. Dexa agreed.

“It’s crazy to think that thousands of years ago, back in the days of the early church, four couples prayed to Jesus and asked Him to make a way for them to explore space, and He did, just because they believed He would,” said Harry. “He secretly gave them a ship capable of warp drive and let them fly into space, making it possible through His divine power for them to leave Earth secretly, without anyone else even knowing. He basically downloaded all the information into their minds that they would need for space travel, and they flew to a number of different planets and solar systems thousands of years ago. They had children who built spaceships and flew to different planets and settled on different planets and populated those planets. That’s how all these other alien races came into being. That’s how Vulcans came into being, and Klingons, and Bajorans, and Cardassians, and Talaxians.”

“Precisely,” said Tuvok. “It would seem that many of the alien races we know of today are actually human beings. They are simply human beings who have developed differing physical characteristics as a result of the planet they settled on and lived in. Vulcans are human beings who developed an inner eyelid because of our intense sun, for example.”

“Right,” B’Elanna agreed. “And while Klingons didn’t develop cranial ridges or stronger bones and multiple backup organs because of the environment on Kronos, it makes sense that Klingons would develop those things because of how very often they fought with each other.”

“So Vulcans are humans with pointed ears, slanted eyebrows, and an inner eyelid,” said Harry. “Klingons are humans with cranial ridges and a stronger bone structure and multiple backup organs. Bajorans are humans with nose ridges. Bolians are humans with blue skin, etc., etc.”

“But the point is, all of them, regardless of skin color, ear shape, cranial ridges, or extra organs, are all human beings created by the Almighty God in His image,” said Dr. Dexa.

“And all the beings we’ve seen or heard about that claim to be non-corporeal – beings like Q or the so-called Bajoran ‘prophets’ are actually demons,” said Dr. Luke.

“All of them, the Q, the Bajoran ‘prophets,’ other entities like them, were all demons, and all the things they said and did were various forms of demonic deception,” said Kes.

“All various forms of lies. All of it,” said Chakotay. “That computer program they found on the Enterprise from that being claiming that life began on some other planet than Earth and that they sprinkled DNA on various planets over billions of years. The Bajoran ‘prophets’ and their false religion. Kahless and the false Klingon religion. It’s all layers upon layers of demonic deception.”

“All of it designed to convince people of what they truly wish to believe deep down in their collective psyche,” said Tuvok. “That they do not need God. That they can be their own gods or even become a god.”

“And that they can earn a spot in heaven by the things they do, whether it’s dying a so-called ‘glorious death in battle’ like the Klingons believe, or by doing whatever the so-called ‘prophets’ on Bajor tell the Bajorans to do,, or other similar things,” said Dr. Luke.

“And as for Q, he and all the other demons in the so-called ‘Q-Continuum’ were there to further deceive Picard and the Federation into believing that the existence of beings like him, who supposedly had god-like powers, disproved the validity of the Bible,” Chakotay explained. “That was the same reason for the demonic deception behind the computer program Picard and the Enterprise discovered after Professor Galen’s death. These demons are willing to do anything, anything, to deceive people and stop them from believing the Bible and the truth of the gospel.”

“It is deeply disturbing to contemplate, but it is not surprising,” said Seven.

“According to the vision the good Lord sent us, the ancestors of all the people living on all the planets we’ve discovered, they all knew the gospel and they taught the gospel to their descendants, but the vast majority of them rejected it,” said Dr. Luke.

“As my wife so accurately stated, it is disturbing, but it is not surprising,” said Tuvok. “Jesus said Himself that wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. And He said that narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it. That is because every type of human being, regardless if it’s Terran humans or Bajorans or Klingons or even Vulcans, has a natural tendency towards pride and self-righteousness, and every soul yearns to become righteous through his or her own deeds; to earn his or her way into heaven without Christ. It is extraordinarily difficult for the vast majority of people to accept the fact that without the shed blood of Christ on their behalf, they can never be fully righteous because of their own deeds, and they can never be good enough for God’s holy standard of complete, one hundred percent perfection to get into heaven when they die.”

“Regardless if it’s Buddhism or the false Klingon religion or the false Bajoran religion, or even Catholicism, at the end of the day, it’s all the same,” Harry accurately surmised. “It’s all about people trying to earn their own way to God and heaven by their own works, in their own self-righteousness, arrogance, and pride. As utterly insane as it is, people had literally rather burn in hell for all eternity than simply humble themselves and fully rely on Christ and His shed blood at the cross to save them.”

“Full reliance on Christ for salvation is an assault on the prideful human ego,” Tuvok concurred. “That is why the true gospel of God’s undeserved grace and mercy towards humans is the narrow gate and the difficult way which leads to life. People naturally want to earn their way into heaven themselves so they can have an excuse for pride. The gospel leaves no room whatsoever for pride, which is why most people despise it and reject it.”

“That is a big part of it, but there is another reason as well,” said Seven. “Many people understandably struggle with the concept of a God who permits suffering, even great and terrible suffering at times. But they often fail to take into account that we are suffering the consequences of being fallen, and we are fallen because of human choice. We could still be in the Garden of Eden today had Adam not chosen to deliberately disobey God and bring death to the human race. Another thing about suffering many people fail to take into account is the fact that, as horrific and brutal as human suffering can be at times, God uses it to build up character within us. As much as we despise suffering, it’s suffering that builds up things like courage, inner-strength, honor, and perseverance in us in ways nothing else can. And God is not a hypocrite. He never permits any human to endure any level of suffering that Jesus Christ, Himself, did not endure when He chose to get tortured to death on the cross and be cut off from His relationship with Father God for our sake. Nothing any human being can endure can even begin to compare to that.”

“You are correct, wife,” Tuvok agreed. “Unfortunately, suffering is necessary if there is going to be character growth and development. If people were constantly given a life of comfort and ease, without any pain or struggle, everyone, humans, Klingons, Talaxians, even Vulcans, would become weak, spoiled and insufferable.”

“That’s very true,” Dr. Luke concurred.

“Sadly, the suffering we all saw in our vision will be the greatest period of suffering humanity has ever experienced, and what makes it infinitely tragic is that it’s all so unnecessary,” said Chakotay. “God has to allow some suffering in our lives to build up our character, but the suffering humanity is going to go through during the seven-year Tribulation, that we all saw in our vision, is suffering that they do not have to go through at all. But as usual, humanity does it to itself.”

“For so long, even though I knew Christianity is the truth, I didn’t understand how it could be true, without the prophecies foretold about Israel in the Millennial Reign of Christ, found in the Old Testament and the book of Revelation, coming to pass,” said Seven. “But now, it all makes sense.”

“Right at the turn of the twenty-first century, God created this bubble of spacetime on Earth in which time passes much, much faster than it does for most of the rest of the galaxy, much like what happened on that time-displaced planet I lived on for three years,” Dr. Luke explained. “And we’ve all been living in that bubble. Years, centuries, sped by so fast, giving humanity the opportunity to learn, advance, even develop the ability to create spaceships, leave Earth, and explore the galaxy. But while we’ve all been doing all this growing and advancing and exploring in space, everybody else who didn’t get caught up in this unique bubble of spacetime remained on Earth and continued living their lives as normal. For most people, it is not the twenty-fourth century. For most people, it’s around the mid-2020s.”

“And this unique bubble of spacetime that we’re all living in right now was created by God, allowed to exist, so that humans could develop the ability to travel throughout space and help spread the gospel to all other peoples who had settled on all the other planets,” Kes explained.

“Voyager was an important part of God’s plan all along,” said Chakotay. “Little did Captain Janeway and the rest of us know at the time, but we were always supposed to get stranded in the Delta Quadrant. We were always meant to be there to help spread the gospel to everyone who had not yet had a chance to hear it and get saved.”

“But that bubble of spacetime isn’t going to last forever,” said Neelix. “Like all bubbles, it has to burst eventually.”

“And when it does, which according to our vision, will be some time in the near future,” said Dr. Dexa, “everyone who is born-again, regardless if they’re on Earth or out in space somewhere or on some other planet, will be catapulted back to mid-2020s Earth, just one split-second before the Rapture happens. And everyone who is either mentally disabled or too young to understand the gospel for themselves will also be catapulted back to 2020s Earth and then Raptured up into heaven. Where we all will be safe with Christ while the seven-year Tribulation, foretold in the book of Revelation, will be happening on the earth.”

“Tragically, for everyone who was able to accept Christ but rejected Him in their stubborn pride, when this bubble of spacetime bursts, they will be killed by it, regardless if they are on Earth or on another planet,” said Seven. “But tragic as it is, God cannot withhold His righteous judgment on humanity forever. Justice for all of humanity’s evil must come at some point.”

“That’s so true,” Chakotay agreed. “People so blindly and foolishly believe that just because divine judgment doesn’t usually happen immediately, that means it’s never going to happen, and nothing could be farther from the truth. People so often mistake God’s utterly remarkable grace, mercy, and patience for indifference. People think that because He doesn’t instantly judge them for their sin, that means He doesn’t care, or that He’s even letting them get away with it. But just because God’s divine judgment and justice can often take a very long time, that doesn’t mean it’s never going to happen.”

“And many people in Starfleet will have much to answer for when the spacetime bubble finally bursts and they suddenly die and find themselves standing before Christ to be judged,” said Dr. Luke. “I was shocked to learn in the vision that there actually are many people in Starfleet, especially Section 31, who are demon-possessed and know the truth about Jesus and Scripture, and have gone to insane lengths to try to hide the truth. The last thing they want is people learning about the spacetime bubble, and realizing that Scripture actually is true; that in reality, we’re actually living sometime in the 2020s, in the Biblical last days. One of the very last things they want anybody finding out about is the nation of Israel and the Jewish people. How Scripture accurately foretold in the Old Testament, in Isaiah and Ezekiel and other places, that the Jewish people would be scattered all over the world and regathered into their rightful homeland of Israel in the last days; how they would become a nation again; how Israel would be reborn within one single day, which happened on May 14, 1948. Scripture accurately foretold how all of that would happen thousands of years before it did. The very existence of Israel and the Jewish people proves the validity of the Bible, and that’s the last thing these people in Starfleet and Section 31 want people to find out.”

“I know,” Harry agreed. “It really blows my mind, how Section 31 actually played a huge role in deceiving Sisko into the false beliefs of the demonic Bajoran religion, even starting the Dominion War itself, because some Starfleet scientists were starting to get close to discovering the spacetime bubble and the truth about where we actually are in God’s divine timeline. And the truth about the Bible, itself. It’s sickening beyond words, to think that they would actually start a war that would get billions of people killed, just to keep everyone distracted from learning the truth about the gospel.”

“It’s unthinkable. Absolutely unthinkable,” Dr. Luke agreed. “Kathryn never told any of you this, she kept it to herself, but back when she was a young cadet in Starfleet Academy, Section 31 actually tried to recruit her because she was such an exceptional student. She was a bit tempted by their offer, but naturally, she refused. And it’s a good thing, for all our sakes, that she did. And for the sake of all the races in the Delta Quadrant she helped spread the gospel to. The Reelans, the Tersans, and countless others.”

“Right,” Tom concurred.

“So, I guess the question is, what do we do now? Do we stay in Starfleet? Do we continue to be a part of an organization that could do such unspeakably evil things?” asked B’Elanna.

“I think we should,” said Harry. “For those of us who are still in Starfleet, anyway. Yeah, I think we should stay. We have a lot of friends and acquaintances in Starfleet who haven’t come to faith in Christ yet. If we stay in Starfleet, it’ll give us an opportunity to reach out to them before it’s too late.”

“Not to mention the fact that those of you who are still in Starfleet will still have the opportunity to visit other planets, meet new races of people, and spread the gospel to them,” said Dr. Luke.

“And those of us who aren’t in Starfleet anymore can try to reach out to whatever civilians we can,” said Chakotay.

“Then we are agreed,” said Tuvok. “We all spend whatever limited time we have left trying to get the truth out to as many people as possible. No matter how difficult it might be or how resistant people will naturally be to the message of the gospel. Because their eternal lives depend on it.”

“Agreed,” they all said together. And they meant it with all their hearts.

As expected, the vast majority of the people they tried to reach with the gospel over the next four months were very resistant to it. However, mercifully, a few souls did listen to them and come to faith in Christ, and they all rejoiced in that. And on one warm, lovely summer day in early June of 2393 (in the spacetime bubble), they were all going about their business as usual, when they suddenly found themselves with an even greater reason to rejoice. It was on that day that the spacetime bubble finally burst, and they were all catapulted back to a day in the mid-2020s for a fraction of a second.

And then, the Rapture happened. The Lord Himself descended from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ rose first, including Captain Janeway. Then those who were alive and remained, including the Voyager crew and all remaining born-again believers from the spacetime bubble, were caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air.

And before any of them could even blink, they were with Jesus, Himself, in heaven, hugging Him, loving Him, and worshiping Him together for the longest time.

Finally, the time came for them to see the mansions He’d built just for them, and it was then that they really saw Captain Janeway and took in the radiantly beautiful sight that she was for the first time.

After Luke and their children and all the other crewmen showered her with hugs and kisses, she told them, “We’ve had it wrong all this time, guys. We spent so many years yearning for our homes back on Earth, dreaming of getting back there, but the title of that old song is really true: Home is Where the Heart Is. The world we lived on was never our home. It was never our true home. When we all came to faith in Christ, He made His home with us through the Holy Spirit, and our home became with Him. And as long as we’re with Christ and each other as a family, where our hearts are, we’re always home. And nothing and no one will ever take us away from our true home ever again. When I died, I thought I’d missed getting to go home, but I didn’t. Even though I suffered, it was worth it, because I was given the gift of getting to go to our true home first. And now, I get the honor of showing you all of your homes that Jesus has personally made for all of you. We all live right next-door to each other. I’ll show you. Come on!” she said so happily, and they all smiled and laughed with pure joy as they ran after her.

A few hours later, Jesus, Himself called Captain Janeway and her crew to a place in heaven they’d never seen before. A special hangar with a ship that looked similar to Voyager, but was in fact much bigger.

“My children, I’d like to introduce you all to a very special ship,” the Lord told them. “The U.S.S. Voyager-B.”

“The U.S.S. Voyager-B?” said Kathryn, absolutely beaming with delight.

“That’s correct. When the seven-year Tribulation ends, you all will return to the earth and rule and reign with Me for one thousand years. But in the meantime, not only will all of you be celebrating being in heaven with Me and with each other; you’re also going to be doing a lot of exploring.” Everyone stared at each other in the most joyous sense of shock in those moments, and Jesus laughed. “Don’t look so surprised. Is it really so hard to believe that I would also give you stars and planets to explore in heaven? I didn’t make you children a bunch of explorers for nothing, you know.”

“So we’re going to spend the next seven years exploring heaven’s stars?” Kathryn asked with great delight.

“Intermittently, yes. And you’ll all spend a great deal of time talking with Me about all you’ve learned during your travels. And the first official voyage of the U.S.S. Voyager-B begins now.”

They all spent the longest time hugging and kissing the good Lord and thanking Him, and then they all boarded their family’s beautiful new ship.

“I never knew it was possible to be this happy!” Luke beamed as he walked beside Kathryn, holding her hand, on the way to the Bridge. He then stopped and just grabbed Kathryn and pulled her into his arms and held onto her, and she ferociously returned the hug. “I’ve dreamed of this moment, I’ve dreamed of holding you again, for so long,” he whispered as tears of the greatest joy streamed down his cheeks.

“I’ve dreamed of it too, my love. Don’t worry. You and our children and I…we’ll never be parted from each other again. Ever.”

“I love you so much.”

Kathryn looked into Luke’s chocolate brown eyes then with a mischievous smile, and she told him, “I love you more.”

“Ah, yes. Our favorite argument. And we’ll be having it for all eternity, won’t we?”

“Absolutely,” she said with a mile-wide grin, and once again, they just hugged and held onto each other for the longest time. Afterwards, little Deborah came running up to them, and Luke scooped her up into his arms.

Then, Kathryn and Luke walked out on the Bridge together, holding hands, while Luke held onto Deborah with his other arm. The Bridge of the U.S.S. Voyager-B was much brighter than that of Voyager, and in fact, it looked very similar to the Bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise. And to everyone’s great joy, the U.S.S. Voyager-B contained absolutely no phasers or photon torpedoes or weapons of any kind, because obviously, it was completely unnecessary now. And with all of them now having perfect, glorified bodies, there was no Sick Bay because, again, it was completely unnecessary. Luke, Neelix, and Chell were also immensely delighted by the multiple, large classrooms on the new ship, which would naturally make schooling the children of their crew much easier.

While Chell and Naomi were with Kathryn’s and Luke’s four older children, and with everyone else’s children, in one of the classrooms, Kathryn, Luke, Deborah, Chakotay, Tuvok, Seven, Tom, B’Elanna, Harry, Samantha, Neelix, Dexa, and Kes all stood together on the white and beige-colored Bridge of the U.S.S. Voyager-B. And they began taking their seats at their various stations.

“I know the First Officer is supposed to sit beside the Captain, but after all you and Luke have been through, I think you’ve more than earned the right to sit together,” Chakotay told them.

“Thank you very much, Chakotay. I appreciate that,” said Kathryn, and then she took his hand and gave it an affectionate squeeze, and Chakotay gave them a smile and a nod.

Kathryn took the captain’s seat then, and Luke sat beside her, and Kathryn pulled little Deborah up into her lap and kissed her over and over again while she let out the heartiest, sweetest laugh that they all just adored. Chakotay sat on the other side of Luke, and there was enough room for Neelix, Dexa, and Kes to sit with them as well.

Tom took the helm in those moments, and with a nod from Kathryn, he flew the U.S.S. Voyager-B up into the skies of heaven.

He then turned towards his Captain and asked her, “Course heading, Captain?”

With the most contented smile, she answered, “Second star to the right. And straight on ’til morning.”

They all knowingly smiled, and then Tom laid in a course.

And with that, the travels of the crew and family of the U.S.S. Voyager-B officially began. The start of the sweetest journeys imaginable. And nothing was sweeter than the knowledge that they would be with Jesus and with each other every day of their lives, forever. That nothing could ever, ever separate them from God and each other again. That no matter what, from here on out, they would always be in the presence of God and each other, which was, and always had been, their true home.