Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Get back here this instant!”

Low-heeled boots clunked against the cobbles. They hesitantly slowed at the noise. The man they belonged to shifted back and forth in uncomfortable indecision. By the time he made the decision to try running again, the voice’s owner had already caught up.

King Leo cut an imposing figure, even discounting their discrepancy in height. The man currently cowering in his shadow knew that he couldn’t hope to reach a similar level of intimidation, so he attempted to do what he often did in such an unfavorable situation- run away like a terrified mouse.

Unfortunately, no such luck would find him today. The king’s gaze was firmly in place. Running would serve no use now.

“What do you think you’re doing?! Right in the middle of field study, and you just run off?”

“I, um, I- “ Zappa stuttered, too frightened to find his words.

“I’ve heard that you paranormal department-types were a strange bunch, but that doesn’t mean you can abandon your work like this!”

Zappa tried and failed to hide under the perceived safety of his hat, but it did nothing to block the king’s scowl from reaching him.

“I-...I was-”

“Explain yourself!”

“Y-your majesty- “

He continued to back away, visibly uneasy. The various jars and bottles dangling from his uniform began to shudder. With extreme reluctance, he ripped the cork from the largest one under his shoulder and winced from the torrent of spectral energy that immediately poured from it.

Leo stumbled back, still on his feet but still winded from the unexpected fight. “What on earth has gotten into you?”

“Ngh…back into your jars, all of you.” He re-corked the final bottle, even as he woozily tottered back and forth. Several more moments passed before Zappa looked like his usual self. “That doesn’t usually take so much out of me…”

Leo folded his arms across his broad chest. “I suppose that was a perfectly fine demonstration of those specimens of yours, but did it require sending me on a wild goose chase just to find you?!”

“No, no, I’m sorry- “ Zappa shook his head fervently. “That wasn’t what I was trying to do at all.”

“Well, then what are you trying to do, because it hasn’t been made particularly clear to me whatsoever!”

The scientist winced back. “I…”

“Well?”

“I need to see someone.”

Leo was silent. “What?”

“If I had known ahead of time, I wouldn’t have caused such a scene, but I know he never stays in one place for very long. I need to- I have to go find him before he vanishes again.”

He looked into the distance. “I need to see him. I’m sorry.”

And with that, he fled.

“Wait- “ Leo shouted after him. “Zappa- !”

*pant* *pant* “Finally, there you are!”

“K-king Leo?! How did you- ?!”

After running around for what felt like ages, he had somehow ended up right back where he’d started.

“Your majesty? You’re still following me?”

He looked aghast at the thought. “Of course I’m still following you! A government employee just running away out of the blue like this isn’t something I can just allow to happen!”

“Just- just leave me alone!” Zappa frowned. “I’ll be back soon!”

“Absolutely not! This sort of behavior can’t be so easily excused!”

“You don’t understand!”

“You’re correct, I don’t understand, what is it that you’re trying to accomplish here?”

A well of ectoplasmic energy pushed against his palm stubbornly, taking several minutes before it was finally shoved back into its glassy captivity.

“I’m not gonna let you guys out of your jars unless you can behave.” The scientist spoke through worn-out pants. He couldn’t recall the last time a fight, or the spirits manifesting, had taken so much out of him. His body was screaming for rest, but he simply couldn’t allow that now.

“You still haven’t explained to me,” said Leo. “What exactly are you trying to accomplish with this?”

He still didn’t understand why the king seemed to care. What was stopping him from merely dragging the two of them back by force?

“What I’m…trying to accomplish…?” He murmured aloud.

“Well?”

“I really wish I had a concrete answer.”

“You don’t even know?”

The glass jars rattled as he nodded. “That’s exactly my problem. I don’t. I want…I’m hoping…that he’ll be able to help me find it.”

“Such…unusual…patient…”

“Doctor Faust! Is- is that really you?”

Even while slouching, the doctor loomed at even greater heights than King Leo. No sooner did the thought cross his head did Zappa hear foliage crashing behind. A sigh left him. He had started getting good at recognizing the king’s approach.

“…Doctor Faust? You seem…different.” Leo couldn’t keep his look of unease from showing up all over his face.

“Two patients? Odd…surprise…”

Though his appearance had changed, it was hard to mistake the doctor for anyone else. Zappa didn’t hesitate in getting closer. “How many years has it been since last time? I can’t remember. Really. Most of that stuff was kind of a blur.”

“Yes…most unusual…symptoms…”

“You two are acquainted?” Asked Leo, audibly baffled at the situation he’d found himself in.

“We’ve met. A long time ago. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I would ever encounter him again.”

“Not here…for reminiscing…”

Zappa’s expression hardened. “No, that’s correct. That’s not what I came here for.”

“Why, then?”

“I want to show you how I’ve changed.” Zappa reached for one of his jars. “See what I can do, and then prescribe a treatment for my problem. You…you can do that, can’t you?”

“Easy…as…breathing.”

"A fight, huh?" Leo brandished a blade. "Now that is something I can understand!"

“I…see…”

“Does it make sense?” Zappa asked. His voice trembled and wheezes threatened to overtake him, but despite his exhaustion, he still forced a look of seriousness. “Do you understand what I was trying to say?”

“It sounded mostly like ghosts wailing,” replied Leo.

Faust tapped at his paper bag. “Many years. Still…searching?”

Zappa looked down at his hands. “Ever since I gained control over this ability, I’ve still felt like something was ‘wrong.’ That something is missing. I thought seeing you would help me understand myself better. That if anyone would be able to solve this, it would be you.”

“Why…are you…alone?”

“Huh?” Zappa replied. “I’m not alone. I still have the spirits with me. And- I work in the castle, I’m always surrounded by people. Between those two, I can’t remember the last time I was alone.”

The doctor slowly shook his head. “No. Narrow-minded…lonely. Not cure. Speak with…friends? Family?”

“My problem is that I don’t have friends?” The man half-muttered, trying to grasp whatever Faust’s words were trying to convey.

“Do you…have…answer…?”

He thought for a moment, then sighed. “No. It still doesn’t make much sense. I don’t think I get it.”

“I’m…sorry, then.”

“No, I’m sorry I wasted your time, doctor. I’m sure you’re busy.”

“Never…too busy…for patient.” Faust spoke, raspy voice strangely somber. “I hope…you find…your remedy.”

Only when the doctor had vanished, did Leo find his voice again. “I see…so you were just trying to talk?”

Zappa couldn’t meet his eyes. “I’m sorry for making you follow me all the way out here. Especially when it ended up being so pointless.”

After a moment’s thought, Leo sighed, raking a hand through his mane. “…Look, I…I’ll strike this from the record. Nobody has to lose their job over this. You were just stressed out and needed a walk. It happens.”

“Thank you, your majesty. I know I don’t deserve it, not after all the trouble I’ve caused…”

The king slowly approached his subordinate, offering a hand and helping the man to his feet. “You know, there are plenty of people who would be willing to listen to your struggles,” he said. “Your experiences may be unique, but I too can understand that feeling of unease. Perhaps, sometime, you could tell me in a bit more detail.”

Zappa made a noncommittal noise. “I guess.”

“But first, the two of us need to return to our stations. Understand?”

“Right. I’ll go back, but just- “ he swallowed hard. “Just a minute. I need to make a call first. Um, please?”

Leo huffed in resignation. “Sure. Just don’t take too long. I’ll meet you back at the gardens.”

Zappa watched him trudge off back in the direction of the castle. Once he was sure the man was out of earshot, he conjured up a communication spell and dialed a long-distance number into it.

He waited through one ring, two rings, and a third before someone picked up.

“Hey…

…

Hi, mom. How are you?

…

…Why am I calling?

…

Oh, no real reason. I just realized it’s been a while, and I missed you. I just wanted to hear your voice…what’s the weather like at home?”

Chapter Text

“Get back here this instant!”

Low-heeled boots clunked against the cobbles. They hesitantly slowed at the noise. The man they belonged to shifted back and forth in uncomfortable indecision. By the time he made the decision to try running again, the voice’s owner had already caught up.

King Leo cut an imposing figure, even discounting their discrepancy in height. The man currently cowering in his shadow knew that he couldn’t hope to reach a similar level of intimidation, so he attempted to do what he often did in such an unfavorable situation- run away like a terrified mouse.

Unfortunately, no such luck would find him today. The king’s gaze was firmly in place. Running would serve no use now.

“What do you think you’re doing?! Right in the middle of field study, and you just run off?”

“I, um, I- “ Zappa stuttered, too frightened to find his words.

“I’ve heard that you paranormal department-types were a strange bunch, but that doesn’t mean you can abandon your work like this!”

Zappa tried and failed to hide under the perceived safety of his hat, but it did nothing to block the king’s scowl from reaching him.

“I-...I was-”

“Explain yourself!”

“Y-your majesty- “

He continued to back away, visibly uneasy. The various jars and bottles dangling from his uniform began to shudder. With extreme reluctance, he ripped the cork from the largest one under his shoulder and winced from the torrent of spectral energy that immediately poured from it.

“Ngh…you…”

With a thud, King Leo collapsed to the ground.

The spirit wisps danced around their wielder before zipping back into their respective bottles. Zappa shook off the vertigo with a hand on his temple. The dizziness made it hard to focus, even if he had been awake the whole time.

As he blinked, he became fully aware of the body on the ground. Eyes went wide with panic. “I…oh god, what did I just do…?”

Nothing responded but the distant sounds of birds and the ever-present hum of spirits hanging off of him. Zappa was too terrified to even approach the downed king. He could only force himself close enough to get a decent-enough look at the damage.

Still alive, but thoroughly roughed up. Would it be safe to leave him there? Zappa shifted from foot to foot, once more finding himself conflicted whether to stay or to go. Indecision, always plaguing him. Could he really justify leaving someone like this?

“Don’t try…to run off!”

He stumbled back in shock. Though still on the ground, Leo was awake again, grabbing at tree roots and bricks in an attempt to drag himself forward.

Like a startled rabbit, Zappa ran off as fast as he could.

“I- I’m so sorry, King Leo, but I really have to do this, I’ve got to go- !”

*pant* *pant* “Finally, there you are!”

“K-king Leo?! How did you- ?!”

After running around for what felt like ages, he had somehow ended up right back where he’d started.

“Your majesty? You’re still following me?”

He looked aghast at the thought. “Of course I’m still following you! A government employee just running away out of the blue like this isn’t something I can just allow to happen!”

“Just- just leave me alone!” Zappa frowned. “I’ll be back soon!”

“Absolutely not! This sort of behavior can’t be so easily excused!”

“You don’t understand!”

“You’re correct, I don’t understand, what is it that you’re trying to accomplish here?”

A well of ectoplasmic energy pushed against his palm stubbornly, taking several minutes before it was finally shoved back into its glassy captivity.

“I’m not gonna let you guys out of your jars unless you can behave.” The scientist spoke through worn-out pants. He couldn’t recall the last time a fight, or the spirits manifesting, had taken so much out of him. His body was screaming for rest, but he simply couldn’t allow that now.

“You still haven’t explained to me,” said Leo. “What exactly are you trying to accomplish with this?”

He still didn’t understand why the king seemed to care. What was stopping him from merely dragging the two of them back by force?

“What I’m…trying to accomplish…?” He murmured aloud.

“Well?”

“I really wish I had a concrete answer.”

“You don’t even know?”

The glass jars rattled as he nodded. “That’s exactly my problem. I don’t. I want…I’m hoping…that he’ll be able to help me find it.”

“What’s…this? Familiar…”

“Finally! There you are, doctor!”

Faust halted, cocking his head at the two strangers that had appeared in his path. “How…peculiar.”

“S-sir? You found me again?” Zappa looked to his pursuer.

Leo folded his arms. “I’m going to keep following you until you can explain what this is all about!”

“Ah-” He gestured to Faust. “This is who I was trying to find. I heard someone from the Information Department say he’d been spotted, and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to try and see him again!”

“Have we…met…?"

“You don’t remember?” Zappa’s expression fell. Several of his jars began to thrum. “Hmm…maybe this will clarify things. Could I ask for a quick check-up from you?”

“You came all this way for that?” Leo balked. He tossed his coat back and reached for his weapons. “Fine. I suppose I may be overdue for one as well…”

The doctor chuckled to himself in a rattling rasp. “Alright…let’s…test…reflexes…”

“Ah…” Faust stumbled back, balancing against his oversized scalpel. “You…you are…”

“You remember now, don’t you?”

“Infected…with parasites. Unlike anything else. Incurable.”

“Right. There was nothing you could do. I had to keep trying to find a way to fix the problem by myself.”

“They are…here still?”

Several of the bottles hummed. Selecting one, Zappa screwed the lid on tighter. “Yeah. Most of them. But- but I can control them a lot better than I used to. We get along pretty okay, for the most part.”

Faust tilted his head. “So what…is ailment?”

The man grunted in frustration. “That’s just it, isn’t it? I should be fine. I just don’t know…that’s what I’ve been trying to find out.”

“No need…prescription.”

Another huff. “I don’t understand. I thought I was supposed to be better. I- I have a job now, I have a life. And- and it’s normal. I fixed the problem all by myself, shouldn’t I be happy? Shouldn’t I be proud?”

“Doing…well…for yourself.”

“But then why do I feel this way? Why do I still feel like this? Why don’t I feel better?”

Faust tutted. “Overthinking. Comparison…thief…of joy.”

“I don’t…”

“You’ve grown. Changed. Take pride…in that.”

“But…I…”

As he stammered around his words, Faust lowered his head and turned away. A door sprouted from the ground. As soon as it slammed shut behind him, the door- along with the doctor- vanished.

“...” Wrapping arms around himself, Zappa turned back to his superior.

“Did you get what you wanted from him?” Leo asked.

“I don’t know. I’m not sure I even know what it was I wanted.”

“Hmm. Well,” The king sheathed his swords. “I can’t imagine that would help you a whole lot.”

Zappa shook his head and sighed. “Still treating him like some kind of miracle cure. I guess I haven’t changed all that much…”

Chapter Text

“Get back here this instant!”

Low-heeled boots clunked against the cobbles. They hesitantly slowed at the noise. The man they belonged to shifted back and forth in uncomfortable indecision. By the time he made the decision to try running again, the voice’s owner had already caught up.

King Leo cut an imposing figure, even discounting their discrepancy in height. The man currently cowering in his shadow knew that he couldn’t hope to reach a similar level of intimidation, so he attempted to do what he often did in such an unfavorable situation- run away like a terrified mouse.

Unfortunately, no such luck would find him today. The king’s gaze was firmly in place. Running would serve no use now.

“What do you think you’re doing?! Right in the middle of field study, and you just run off?”

“I, um, I- “ Zappa stuttered, too frightened to find his words.

“I’ve heard that you paranormal department-types were a strange bunch, but that doesn’t mean you can abandon your work like this!”

Zappa tried and failed to hide under the perceived safety of his hat, but it did nothing to block the king’s scowl from reaching him.

“I-...I was-”

“Explain yourself!”

“Y-your majesty- “

He continued to back away, visibly uneasy. The various jars and bottles dangling from his uniform began to shudder. With extreme reluctance, he ripped the cork from the largest one under his shoulder and winced from the torrent of spectral energy that immediately poured from it.

“Ngh…you…”

With a thud, King Leo collapsed to the ground.

The spirit wisps danced around their wielder before zipping back into their respective bottles. Zappa shook off the vertigo with a hand on his temple. The dizziness made it hard to focus, even if he had been awake the whole time.

As he blinked, he became fully aware of the body on the ground. Eyes went wide with panic. “I…oh god, what did I just do…?”

Nothing responded but the distant sounds of birds and the ever-present hum of spirits hanging off of him. Zappa was too terrified to even approach the downed king. He could only force himself close enough to get a decent-enough look at the damage.

Still alive, but thoroughly roughed up. Would it be safe to leave him there? Zappa shifted from foot to foot, once more finding himself conflicted whether to stay or to go. Indecision, always plaguing him. Could he really justify leaving someone like this?

“Don’t try…to run off!”

He stumbled back in shock. Though still on the ground, Leo was awake again, grabbing at tree roots and bricks in an attempt to drag himself forward.

Like a startled rabbit, Zappa ran off as fast as he could.

“I- I’m so sorry, King Leo, but I really have to do this, I’ve got to go- !”

*pant* *pant* “Finally, there you are!”

“K-king Leo?! How did you- ?!”

After running around for what felt like ages, he had somehow ended up right back where he’d started.

“Your majesty? You’re still following me?”

He looked aghast at the thought. “Of course I’m still following you! A government employee just running away out of the blue like this isn’t something I can just allow to happen!”

“Just- just leave me alone!” Zappa frowned. “I’ll be back soon!”

“Absolutely not! This sort of behavior can’t be so easily excused!”

“You don’t understand!”

“You’re correct, I don’t understand, what is it that you’re trying to accomplish here?”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough.” Leo tucked his weapons away. It had been an unexpectedly difficult bout, and stubborn as he was, he knew there were times to fold and step away from a battle. “I can see that fighting isn’t any help.”

Zappa said nothing, merely picking at his bottles and jars with a listless look on his face.

“Something’s bothering you, that much is obvious. What’s wrong?”

“Go away.”

“Mister Zappa, I can’t do that.”

“Go away!” He repeated. “You can’t fix this!” A sound like anger and despair tangled together tumbled out of his throat. “You can’t fix me! Just- just go.”

Huffing with a mix of frustration and worry, Leo slowly approached, raising an arm in an attempt at a reassuring gesture. “Please, can you just explain what’s happening? I can’t possibly understand what’s upset you unless- “

As soon as Leo’s hand brushed his shoulder, Zappa immediately jerked back. His face twisted into an abnormally-severe scowl.

“Don’t touch me! DON’T EVER TOUCH ME!”

He sprinted off into the woods, leaving the king alone to look on in bewilderment.

“What on earth has gotten into that man?”

“Hmm? Who’s…there?”

“Wait! Doctor, please, wait!”

Zappa stumbled to a stop, nearly tripping over a tree root. “Ngh, so much running…”

“Voice…familiar…”

“You don’t…? I guess it has been years…” He put a hand on his chest. “My name is Zappa. I’m an old patient of yours. I was having these strange fainting spells, and I kept waking up with injuries that I had no explanation for- or- or that’s what I had believed. It…it was a lot more complicated than that…”

“Ah…recalling, yes…” Faust tilted his head. “Why…here…now?”

“It’s just like last time, I was running all over trying to find you and see if you could help me.” Several spirits in their cans began to squirm and rattle. “-ah! Calm down, calm down,” he stroked one of the restless jars. “I’m not asking him to exorcise you.”

“‘Exorcise?’” Faust took a loping step closer. “So…still…haunted? Spirits…still here?”

“No. Not all of them. A few left. She left.”

“‘She’...?”

Zappa’s expression pinched. “The woman. I never knew her name. I barely saw her face. I still remember her perfectly, somehow. And- and her voice, I can still hear it in my nightmares, all these years later…Sometimes, I swear I can still see her out of the corner of my eye.”

“Certain…left…?”

“I don’t know. I thought so…” He sighed. “It’s like I’m still haunted, but this feels…different. Strange. I can’t get this one to go away. Could…could she still be here, in some way? Some part of her still sticking to me?”

“Uncertain…ghosts…not area…of expertise.”

“How about a physical, then? See if anything looks abnormal?”

“Hmm…” Faust pondered the idea. “May…help.”

“...No.” The doctor ultimately said, after many moments in silence.

“There’s nothing you can do?”

“Nothing…to do.”

“But- but that can’t be right! How can you look at me and not see anything wrong?!”

“Didn’t say…that.” Replied Faust. “Simply…not…spirit.”

“What do you mean? I can’t live like this!”

“Problem…lies…in you.”

“Huh?”

“Want…to heal…hesitating. Stuck. Why?”

“I’m not- I-...” Zappa went silent. He pulled his hat over his eyes. “…It was easier. Is that wrong to say? Even if I was in a bad place, at least I knew that. I knew what to expect. I didn’t have to worry about losing anything, or- or getting worse, because I knew I couldn’t go any lower.”

“Complacency…is not…happiness…”

“I know. I know that. But it’s so much easier.” He turned away. “If I don’t try, I can’t do it wrong. Every time something good happens to me, all I can think about is how much further I have to fall now if something goes wrong. I’m not sure I like being hopeful about the future. I never thought hope could be so frightening. And, honestly…sometimes I feel like I don’t even deserve the right.”

“You are…human.” Said Faust. “No need…to treat…like monster.”

“Well, I’m definitely not normal.”

“Of course. I…neither. Why…is that…bad?”

Zappa winced. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like-”

“Punishing yourself…ever help?”

He went quiet. “No, I guess not.”

“Slow healing…still…healing.”

Faust held out his hand. With a warm glow, a flower suddenly sprouted to life in his palm. It budded, blossomed, then began to shed its petals in a matter of seconds. “Small steps…better…than none. Nothing…wasted. Keep…moving.”

Something about the sight nearly made him laugh. “Sounds like something my mother would say.”

“Wise…woman…”

“I guess…I guess I can give it a try. But will I just hate myself for not trying sooner?”

“Never…bad time…to start.”

“I mean, I’ll take your word for it…” His attention slipped down to his watch. “Oh, man, I gotta get back to work. Didn’t realize how long I’d been gone. I need to go apologize to Leo. I’ll be lucky if I can get through this without some kind of demotion.”

Despite his words, Zappa still managed to speak with a ghost of a smile.

Chapter Text

“Hmm? Who’s…there?”

“Wait! Doctor, please, wait!”

Zappa stumbled to a stop, nearly tripping over a tree root. “Ngh, so much running…”

“Voice…familiar…”

“You don’t…? I guess it has been years…” He put a hand on his chest. “My name is Zappa. I’m an old patient of yours. I was having these strange fainting spells, and I kept waking up with injuries that I had no explanation for- or- or that’s what I had believed. It…it was a lot more complicated than that…”

“Ah…recalling, yes…” Faust tilted his head. “Why…here…now?”

“It’s just like last time, I was running all over trying to find you and see if you could help me.” Several spirits in their cans began to squirm and rattle. “-ah! Calm down, calm down,” he stroked one of the restless jars. “I’m not asking him to exorcise you.”

“‘Exorcise?’” Faust took a loping step closer. “So…still…haunted? Spirits…still here?”

“No. Not all of them. A few left. She left.”

“‘She’...?”

Zappa’s expression pinched. “The woman. I never knew her name. I barely saw her face. I still remember her perfectly, somehow. And- and her voice, I can still hear it in my nightmares, all these years later…Sometimes, I swear I can still see her out of the corner of my eye.”

“Certain…left…?”

“I don’t know. I thought so…” He sighed. “It’s like I’m still haunted, but this feels…different. Strange. I can’t get this one to go away. Could…could she still be here, in some way? Some part of her still sticking to me?”

“Uncertain…ghosts…not area…of expertise.”

“How about a physical, then? See if anything looks abnormal?”

“Hmm…” Faust pondered the idea. “May…help.”

“R-right! I feel a lot better now! Th-thanks, doctor!”

“Hmm…” The skepticism in Faust’s tone was palpable. “Certain…?”

“Well- “ He snapped his head back and forth. “It- it’s fine! It’s fine! I can work with it! As long as nobody startles me, or- or touches me, and I’m really, really careful, it’ll be fine!”

“Doesn’t…sound…fine.” Said Faust. “Why…touch?”

Though Zappa was quiet, his breaths turned shuddery. “I don’t like being touched. Whenever someone tries to touch me, even a friend, I still back away. Why do I still think everyone’s going to hurt me? Why do I hate the sight of myself whenever I look in a mirror? Do I think she’ll still be there?”

“She…hurt you?”

“I haven’t seen her in years, but so much of my life is like she never left. Like she’s still here, creeping over my shoulder. No matter what I do, I just can’t stop thinking about her. Even when she’s gone, I can feel her.

Sometimes I think…I think…I miss her.”

Zappa jerked back like he’d been stabbed. He covered his face with his hands, tearing at his hair.

“Oh god, I’m disgusting! I’m pathetic!”

“Oh…” Faust muttered. “Not…good…”

“DON’T LOOK AT ME!”

“Crisis treatment…deep…breaths…”

The two men lay sprawled out on the ground in tired, battle-worn heaps.

“I’m sorry.” Zappa sniffed. “I got carried away.”

“It’s…okay.”

“No, it’s not okay. How can this possibly be okay? I’m no different from her.”

”Wrong.” Faust’s tone turned harsh. “Not…the same. You...afraid…to hurt.”

The other man sighed. “I don’t like hurting people. I never did. Part of me worried that after I spent so much time with her, I’d learn to like it. Or- or at least to not mind it as much. I mean, if I was okay when she did it to me, why wouldn’t I be okay with it happening to other people, too?”

Both were silent.

“Am I ‘ruined,’ now? Am I beyond fixing?”

“No…such…thing,” Faust said. “Always…feel…like this?”

“Some days are okay. I almost feel normal. Then the next, I’ll feel like I’m right back where I started. It’s like all that time I tried to get better was for nothing.”

The doctor nodded along. “Healing is…ugly. Un-linear.”

“What’s the point in trying, then? If all that effort was pointless, why should I try?”

“Not…pointless. Simply…complicated. Difficult.”

“I’m not a fan.”

“Heh.” Faust gave a dry laugh. “That’s fair…”

“So much of my life revolved around her controlling me. Now that she’s gone, I’m not sure what to do with this big empty space. I can’t just ignore it. I’ve tried.”

“Hard to let go…not…impossible. Patience.”

“...I don’t know what I want. I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know where my life is gonna take me.” Zappa managed to sit up. “But saying it out loud makes me feel a little bit better. It’s…nice to not have to keep it to myself. To not have to pretend like nothing’s bothering me.

Maybe I’m overstepping, but…I get a similar feeling from you. You look different, but you seem a lot happier.”

Another laugh. “Perceptive. Correct. Found…my peace.”

“Heh. That’s good. That’s really good.” A smile almost came back to his face. “Y’know, I really appreciate your help. Even if it wasn’t the kind I planned on. I’m glad I was able to see you again, doctor.”

“Happy…to assist.”

“Uh, here, before I go- “ From his side bag came a scrap of paper and a pen. Zappa scribbled something down and offered it to Faust.

“What’s…this…?”

“My address. I have an apartment in Illyria now. Or- or at least I do for a few months until Randy and I head back to Finland. I hope…”

“...?”

“Well, if you're in the neighborhood again, maybe you’ll stop by?”

Faust looked between the man and the paper. “...Follow-up appointment?”

Zappa almost managed a chuckle. “No. No, I…I’d like to see you again. Not as a doctor. As a friend.”

“Ah.” Slowly climbing to his feet, the doctor tucked the scrap into his breast pocket. “That….sounds…nice.”

“Then…I look forward to it!” The scientist waved him farewell as he turned away. “Take care, doctor.”

Faust watched the man depart, a small smile hidden by his mask. “Be well…Mister Zappa…"