Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was cold on Lothal that night.
Technically, morning. Since it was 2am.

Sabine and Shin had finally gotten away from the prying eyes and questions of other people, getting to the watch tower as quickly as possible.
Shin had sat behind Sabine on her speeder bike, her arms wrapped around her waist, and resting the side of her face into her back. She was exhausted, and wanted Sabine to take her away from everything.

Now, standing on the balcony, Shin couldn’t bring herself to step inside. She watched Sabine kneeling by Murley, the small creature basking in her attention. The sight was oddly comforting and yet unbearable all at once. Her hand gripped the doorframe tightly, her knuckles white. She wasn’t sure if it was the cold or something deeper making her tremble.

"You know you can come in, right?" Sabine said, looking back at her.

Shin's grip on the doorframe tightened, as she hesitated.
"I-I don't know if I should-"
"You can, Shin." Sabine said firmly.

She walked towards her, gently removing her hand from the doorframe.

"I'm sorry about Baylan." She said.

Shin had almost completely forgotten. Baylan had died during the fight.
Yes, he'd previously abandoned her. But she looked up to him as a father, and now he was dead. Like her biological parents.

She had no one. And the reality finally sank in.
She silently broke into tears, and Sabine pulled her close, as if reading her mind.

"You have me, Shin. You always will, don't worry. Don't cry" Sabine whispered, pulling her inside.

Shin was a wreck. She knew she was. Laying in Sabine's bed next to her made that even more obvious.
They were sharing a bed since there was no other room, but Shin didn't mind. She needed to be close to someone, anyone. She needed the warmth.
Shin closed her eyes, letting the warmth of Sabine’s words, her presence, seep into her. For the first time in what felt like forever, she allowed herself to believe that she wasn’t alone.
Especially for that night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning was quiet. Sabine was cleaning up around the watch tower, while Shin stayed in bed. She was so tired, and needed the rest desperately.
Sabine knew that, and let her sleep. Shin was grateful for that.

She finally managed to get up after half an hour, finding Sabine's cat next to the bed, on the floor.

"Sabine, your cat is in the way. I almost stepped on him" She said.

Sabine chuckled, leaning on the doorframe.
"Of course he is. He's a silly boy" Sabine replied.

Shin frowned.
"Won't be so silly when he gets crushed."

"He won't get crushed, don't worry" Sabine said as she walked towards her, smiling.

There was something about Shin that she couldn't understand. Or, something she felt. 
Shin had always been intriguing. Maybe that's why she invited her to stay. But Sabine couldn't tell. 

Meanwhile, Shin was oblivious. Sabine had dropped a couple pick up lines, a few compliments, and Shin either got extremely offended or it slipped past her.
It was intense. But thrilling at the same time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the weeks passed, Shin and Sabine's bond grew.
And grew.
And grew.

And Shin started to notice the little things.
Sabine's words, her appearance, the way she moved, and the way the force pulled them together. 

Shin felt a magnetic pull to Sabine. A pull she couldn't resist. A pull she didn't want to resist.

One night, Sabine entered the bedroom, putting her night shirt on. And Shin could only stare.

But Sabine caught onto it.

"Looking at something in particular?" Sabine asked.

Shin blushed wildly, feeling a surge of heat fill her body.

"N-No" She tried to lie, but knew she couldn't.
She was going down a path she couldn't turn away from.

And she couldn't seem to mind.

Chapter Text

The days passed slowly, and Shin started to relax.

Being with Sabine was easy. She was always calm and collected, and listened when Shin needed to be heard.

Eventually, the New Republic called for Shin to be put on trial for the crimes she’d committed as a mercenary.
She didn’t want to leave, though. She knew she’d be put in jail, which would mean she wouldn’t see Sabine.

But then again, why did it matter so much? Why did she want to stay with Sabine so much? Why couldn’t she just accept what she had done?

“They’re not gonna take you” Sabine promised as she flew the ship towards the landing port.

“I won’t let them”

As much as Sabine’s promises warmed her heart, she couldn’t help but be nervous. What if Sabine went too far, and got herself in trouble? The idea of Sabine getting in trouble for her crimes made Shin want to puke.

As Shin waited in a holding room, she couldn’t think straight anymore.

The room was surrounded by guards, and she was left sitting at a table, her wrists bound by metal cuffs. Like a goddamn animal.

Meanwhile, Sabine was walking through the hallways, looking for Hera. If she could convince Hera to stand up for Shin, she might have a chance.

As she approached one of the conference rooms, she saw Jacen sitting by the door, playing with some toy ships.

He looked up and smiled.

“Aunt Sabine!” He exclaimed.

Sabine smiled and ruffled his hair.

“Hey there, kiddo. Where’s your mom?” Sabine asked.

“She’s in a meeting, in there. They’re talking about your sith friend” Jacen replied.

Sabine frowned before sitting next to him.

“Shin isn’t a sith, Jacen. She’s a hurt person who was pushed in the wrong direction. But she’s realized that, and she’d trying to make up for her mistakes.” Sabine explained.

“But she almost killed you?” Jacen said, confused.

“Yes, but she made up for it. If it weren’t for her, we wouldn’t have defeated Thrawn.” Sabine replied.

The thought of Shin brought a smile to her face. Like it always did.

Sabine definitely had feelings for Shin. Most nights, she wanted to just run her fingers through Shin’s hair, hold her, kiss her-

She shook those thoughts away, clearing her throat and standing up.

God, she was really down bad.

“I’m gonna go talk to your mom, okay?” Sabine said, typing her ID number on the door’s control panel and stepping inside.

“Oh, Commander Wren. Perhaps you could help us solve this dilemma” One of the councilors said.

“I’m mainly here to speak to General Syndulla, but maybe it’s not the worst thing to speak my opinions in here as well” Sabine replied, walking closer.

“I think Shin should be given a pardon.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The grass was bright and green, freshly rained on.

Young children ran around, laughing and playing.

All the children, except for one little girl.

She had long brown hair, and was sitting by herself, next to a tree.

She watched all the other kids her age play, while she just sat alone.

They all thought she was weird anyways.

“What are you looking at, witch?” A little girl asked, before the rest of the group burst into laughter, running off.

The little girl just frowned, unsure of what to do.

She was used to rejection at this point. Her father had left before she was born, and her mother paid no attention to her. Except when she yelled at her, calling her an accident and a mistake.

She knew she was different from everyone else. She’d made a rock fly in the air with just her mind. That’s why all the children called her a witch.

She watched the kids her age play, longing to be included. She wanted to have friends. And she didn’t want to be a witch.

“Everything alright?” A man spoke from behind her. He had dark hair and a beard, and was wearing robes that covered his entire body.

“…no one likes me” the little girl replied.

“They think I’m a witch” she said.

The man just smiled and sat next to her, pulling something out of his pocket.

“Do you know what this is?” he asked.

The little girl shook her head.

“It’s a lightsaber. I’m a Jedi, and I was trained by the old Jedi order” he explained.

“I don’t think you’re a witch, child. I think you have the potential to be a Jedi, like me.” He said.

The little girl was in shock. She had heard of Jedi before, and like most kids, thought they were really cool.

But she wasn’t special. She was different, sure. But not special.

And Jedi were special.

“I don’t think I can, sir.” The girl said.

“You don’t think you can, or you don’t want to?” the man asked.

“…I’m not special” the girl said, fiddling with her hands.

“Everyone is special in their own way, child. I used to feel that way. In the Jedi Order, most of the kids thought I was weird. But my master taught me to not focus on that, and to focus on what makes me good. To focus on the good qualities, and stick to that” he said.

“I want to train you, if that’s alright for you and your parents. I want to show you how to use to abilities for the best, and to help you live.” He continued, putting his lightsaber back in his pocket.

“The galaxy is a dangerous place for people like us. But if we stick together, we’ll be unstoppable” he said, standing up.

The little girl thought about it for a minute. He seemed nice, and not harmful. Besides, her mother wouldn’t really care if she just left, right?

“What is your name, child?” the man asked.

“…Shin.” She replied.

“That’s a pretty name”

“…A pardon?” one of the councilors asked.

“Yes, a pardon. I think she deserves it. She helped us defeat Thrawn, after all. She’s more than made up for her mistakes.” Sabine started.

This was gonna be difficult to pull off, but not impossible.

“Besides, she’s been living with me for the last two weeks, and she’s proved that she’s not a threat” Sabine continued.

“She’s still a sith” One of the men said.

“She’s not a sith. Ask anyone, especially Ahsoka. She knows it’s true.” Sabine replied.

“I think Shin Hati has proved that she isn’t a threat, as Commander Wren is saying. Besides, If Ahsoka Tano agrees that she’s not a sith, then I think giving the girl a chance isn’t the worst thing ever” another councilor said.

“Yes, but she is fully trained. She can’t just roam free”

“She’s not an animal, councilor.” Sabine argued.

“I’m aware, but-“

“Have you even stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, people can change?? She wasn’t even trained by a sith, she was a fucking mercenary. She felt that she had no other choice” Sabine said.

“Then she has to tell us that if she wants us to consider her upbringing. Besides, what if she’s lying?”

“That’s bullshit and you know it!” Sabine yelled.

Hera grabbed her arm.

“Sabine, calm down.” Hera said.

“No! I’m not calming down! She is a person with feelings, unlike what you idiots think” Sabine said, pulling away.

“Do you understand what we go through on a daily basis? What she went through?? Her only parental figure died in front of her, just so you can feel safe. She deserves a pardon. She helped us defeat Thrawn.” Sabine said.

“Ezra Bridger could’ve done it just the same” One of the councilors said.

“This isn’t about Ezra, this is about Shin. It doesn’t matter who could’ve done it, it matters who did. And that was Shin” Sabine said.

The room fell silent, before Sabine spoke again.

“Give her a pardon, or this government won’t survive another month” Sabine said before angrily storming out.

Shin was waiting for hours. Hours that felt like days.

Until one of the councilors came in the room.

“We’ve made a decision” he said, stepping closer.

“We’ll give you a pardon, no trial, no nothing. But you have to commit to working for the New Republic alongside Commander Wren for the next five years.” He said.

Shin thought for a moment.

Had Sabine actually gone to them?

And if she did, what did she say?

How did she convince them?

If they all still saw her as a witch, would she even be treated the same?

How would she deal with any of this?

“…alright.” Shin agreed.

It was either this or never seeing Sabine again.

And she couldn’t afford that.

Chapter Text

It was cold that day. But Shin didn’t own a coat. Her mother hadn’t bothered to buy one for her.

So as Shin grabbed her things and walked towards the door, she thought about her mother.
And how she probably wouldn’t even notice she was gone.

As Shin approached Baylan’s ship, carrying her large bag, he stopped her.

“You can’t bring all that stuff, child” he said.

“Why not?” she asked.

“Because when you decide to become a Jedi, it means leaving your past in the past. And these…” he spoke, holding her bag.

“Are the past.”

Shin frowned. The other stuff she could let go of. But the stuffed bird she owned was the one thing she wanted to keep. She couldn’t sleep without it.

“I won’t make you get rid of your things. You need to do that on your own. You have to learn to make the hard, but necessary decisions.” Baylan said.

Shin thought for a moment.
Maybe he wasn’t wrong.

All of these things would remind her of her mother, after all.
And that would be a distraction.

So she snuck the stuffed bird out of her bag and under her shirt, and left the bag sitting on the grass.

And then she followed him onto the ship, never looking back.

Shin woke up in Sabine’s bed once again. They shared the bed, since there was only one.

But Sabine kept a good distance from her, giving her space.
Space that Shin secretly wished wasn’t there.

The idea of being close to Sabine was wonderful. Something she wanted.

At night, she’d find herself reaching out towards Sabine, her fingers splayed out of the mattress.

She had never felt this way for anyone. Even her ex boyfriend, who she’d been with for years.

It felt weird, and new. And strange.
But it wasn’t unwelcome.

“Sabine?” she whispered.
Just to see if she was awake.

“hm?” Sabine replied, turning to face her.

“I-I just wanted to see if you were awake.” Shin said quietly.

“Ah, okay.” Sabine replied.

Silence filled the air, and Shin found herself melting under Sabine’s gaze.

Her eyes were warm, like a fire threatening to suck her in.
And she would let it.

Oh, she already had let it.

She was drowning in it.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Sabine spoke suddenly.

“…n-not really.”

“Me neither.” Sabine replied.

“Why?” Shin asked.

“…Tomorrow is the anniversary of my family’s death. My parents and my brother. They died because of a weapon I created. I think I just haven’t forgiven myself.” Sabine replied.

Shin’s hearted ached at that. She wanted to just pull Sabine in and hug her, whisper soft words in her ear.
Like Sabine had done for her when Baylan died.

“I thought Ezra Bridger was your brother?” Shin asked.

Sabine chuckled.
“No, I just call him that. He’s like a brother to me, but we aren’t actually blood related.”

“That makes sense. You two look nothing alike.” Shin said.

They were quiet for a moment, and Shin almost thought that Sabine had fallen asleep.

Until she spoke again.

“Did you actually think me and Ezra were siblings?” She asked, laughing.

“N-No, I just was confused because you call him your brother!” Shin replied.

Sabine was laughing hysterically, and Shin didn’t know what to do.

At first, she thought of when she was a child. When all the other kids were laughing at her.

But Sabine’s laugh didn’t sound like that. It sounded joyful. Like she actually thought Shin was funny.
And then her words confirmed it.

“You’re hilarious, Shin. How do you not have people lining up to get with you?” Sabine said, still laughing.

Shin blushed.

The idea of other people being interested in her made her sick.
She only wanted Sabine’s attention.

She wanted Sabine.

Silence filled the room again, and Sabine spoke.
“Sorry, was that weird?” she asked.

“N-No, it’s fine.” Shin replied.

“I don’t really want that anyways”

“You don’t want people to be interested in you?” Sabine asked.

Shin shook her head.
“Jeez, I would kill for someone to be into me.” Sabine said, looking at the ceiling.

‘I’m into you.’ Shin thought.

But she didn’t speak.

She couldn’t.

“I can’t remember the last time someone liked me. Well, besides Ketsu. She’s my ex girlfriend. But after Ezra went missing, I just didn’t have the mental or emotional capacity to do it.” Sabine said.

…oh.

“T-That’s nice” Shin replied.

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking about reaching out to her again. Since y’know, Ezra is back.” Sabine said.

…well great.

Shin couldn’t help but feel a bit hurt.
It wasn’t up to her who Sabine was with, yes. But she had been slowly falling for her. But now, she didn’t have a chance.

“Have you ever been with anyone?” Sabine asked.

“I-I had a boyfriend when I was 18. I broke up with him when I was 20. He was kinda weird. He was a pirate.” Shin said

“Oh wow, a pirate, huh?” Sabine replied.

“…yeah. But he was a jerk. And terrible in bed” Shin said, laughing a bit.

He ex boyfriend had been strange. He was so caught up in money and riches, and barely had time for relationships. Shin was more like a trophy.

Or, in his words, a ‘gorgeous, sexy trophy.’

Shin had been thinking about him for years. Until she met Sabine.

And then all of that went away.
It was almost like he had never existed.

“That’s hilarious. I mean, all men are bad in bed to me. I’m a lesbian” Sabine said.

Shin panicked a bit.

What if Sabine thought she was straight?

Then Sabine would never ask her out, or try to kiss her.

“I-I’m bisexual.” Shin said.

“M-Mainly with a preference for women. But sometimes men are fine.” Shin continued.

“Oh really? I didn’t think you were the type.” Sabine said.

“Then again, I shouldn’t be assuming. Have you ever dated a girl before?” Sabine asked.

That was where Shin stumbled.

She hadn’t. But she could never admit that to Sabine, could she?

“O-Oh yeah, tons.” she lied, praying Sabine wouldn’t realize.

And thank God Sabine bought it.

After that, they finally got to sleep.

And Shin knew she could relax.

Chapter Text

Sabine was confused. She had feelings for Shin, but she wasn’t sure if Shin liked her back.
She had been thinking about Shin all the time. But she felt like she hadn’t given Ketsu the closure she deserved.

Their breakup was rough. It had happened because Sabine was so tied up in trying to find Ezra, that she had no emotional space for Ketsu. Or even physical time. And so she broke up with her, telling her she wanted to figure herself out before committing to anything.

And that’s what she did.

A couple weeks passed, and Sabine kept her word.

She reached out to Ketsu.

And Shin hated listening to it.

She hated listening to how Sabine would talk about her so sweetly, how she would talk about their plans to meet up.

Shin wanted that. She wanted to be with Sabine.

It was a weird and sudden feeling. But she felt like Sabine was a drug. A drug she couldn’t get enough of.

She needed her.

But she wasn’t hers.

One night, Ketsu had come to the watchtower.
And Shin decided to sleep on the couch.
She figured that Sabine and Ketsu would spend most of their time in the bedroom. And she didn’t want to listen.

But their voices were so loud.
So. Damn. Loud.

Shin didn’t care what they talked about.
She just wanted it to stop.

Murley jumped onto the couch, sitting on her lap.

Ordinarily, Shin would push him off.

But right now, she needed whatever form of comfort she could get. And this was the best she was going to get.

Just then, Ezra showed up at the watch tower.

“Hey, is Sabine here? We need her at base, there’s an emergency.” He said.

Thank God. The voices would finally stop.

“Yep! She’s in her room” Shin said, finding herself smiling.

Ezra walked towards the bedroom door before looking back at Shin.

“…are you okay? You seem kinda-…well…joyful?” he asked.

Shin was normally pretty cold. Smiling wasn’t something she did often.

“Yeah, I’m just tired. They’re being really loud in there, and I don’t wanna listen anymore.” Shin replied.

They stood in silence, before a small moan came from the room.

“Nope. Not doing it. Not again.” Ezra said, stepping away from the door.

‘Again’.

That word rang through her head like a loud train.
It was torturing her.
Like the laughter of the children back home.

She stood up, running onto the balcony. Avoiding the sounds of Sabine and Ketsu being together.

She curled up and cried, unable to handle it anymore.

The idea of Sabine touching someone else, kissing someone else, holding someone else the way she’d held her, destroyed her.

Ezra came out onto the balcony, hesitantly sitting next to her.

“…you like her, don’t you?” he asked.

Shin froze.

“p-please don’t tell her-“

“I won’t. Your secret is safe with me, trust me. And I get it, it sucks. I had a crush on Sabine when we first met. It sucked a bit at first, when she told me she was gay and rejected me. But now she’s one of my closest friends, like a sister.” He said.

“Why do you two call each other that?” Shin asked.

“Call each other what?”

“Brother and sister. You two aren’t actual siblings” Shin said.
“Yeah. We’re more like found family. Me, her, Zeb, Hera, Kanan, all of us. Family doesn’t need blood.” Ezra said.

Shin was silent.

She didn’t have a family. The most she’d ever had was Baylan. And he was dead. Because of her.

Ezra put his hand on Shin’s shoulder comfortingly.
“You’re part of our family too, y’know?” he said.

Shin stopped. There was no way Ezra meant that. He couldn’t. He barely knew her.

But he was looking at her like he’d known her for years.

And she’d never seen someone look at her like that.
So she believed him.

Or, at least, part of her did.
Another part of her didn’t.

Chapter Text

Shin was exhausted. Training had been catching up to her. It was tiring, and she could barely stay awake.

But she and Baylan were staying on Tatooine, and she had been curious about the small cantina she had passed multiple times while going on runs.

So she got dressed and snuck out late at night.

When she got in, she sat at the bar. Hoping no one would realize she was still only 16. But hey, there weren’t many established laws about drinking in the galaxy. It was just common sense for children not to. And she was no child.

She ordered the first thing that came to mind, wincing from the strong taste when she took a sip.

“Sour, huh?” A man spoke, sitting next to her.

“Y-Yeah.” Shin replied, tucking a strand of her platinum blonde hair behind her ear.

“I haven’t seen you around. You a tourist?” he asked.

“I’m a mercenary.” She replied.

“Oh wow, a mercenary, huh? Quite a few of those around here. Although, none of them are as pretty as you.” He said, winking at her.

Shin grimaced. Baylan had always steered her away from relationships, no matter what they were. And this man was quite obviously flirting with her.

“Are you flirting with me?” she asked.

“Bold one, aren’t you? But yes. Why do you seem so shocked. You’re gorgeous” he said, brushing his thumb over her cheek.

Shin hesitated. No one had ever talked to her like this. And he seemed nice. So…maybe Baylan was wrong? Maybe attachments weren’t so bad?

“You seem force sensitive. I was trained for a while, until my master died. That’s how I can tell.” The man said.

“Oh- I am, actually. My master is here as well. But he’s not super fond of me going out. He’s worried that the empire will kill me.” Shin replied.

“Ah, well, that’s very reasonable. The Empire is relentless. They killed my master. I barely escaped. It would be nice to be around some more people like me for a change.” He said.

“Well, you could come with me? I’m sure my master would love to help.” She replied, holding out her hand.

“I would love too. What’s your name?” he asked.

“Shin Hati” She replied.

“Well, hello Shin Hati. My name is Silvo.”

That night was unbelievably quiet.
Shin laid next to Sabine as usual, half considering moving to the couch. But she was tired, and didn’t want to get up.

She finally turned to face Sabine, who was facing away from her.

And all she could do was cry. Silently cry.

“p-please-“ she whispered.

“don’t leave me alone”

The morning took a while to arrive.
But it did. And Shin stood on the balcony, drinking some coffee.

Sabine was already up and out. She had a meeting at the New Republic base. Which wasn’t the worst thing ever.
Just looking at Sabine broke her heart.

The tall grass was blowing in the wind, and Murley was rubbing against her leg.
She closed her eyes, focusing on the sound of the wind.

The wind blowing through her hair, her ears, her body, and the force was flowing through her.

Everything was calm.

Until a ship landed right in front of the watchtower, and a familiar figure stepped out.

Shin’s breath hitched, and she felt like her whole world had stopped.
It was Jod. That fucking bastard, the lying traitor who couldn’t even say his real name when they first met.

She immediately grabbed her lightsaber, going down the elevator and storming towards him.

“You!” She said angrily, pointing her lightsaber hilt at him.

“How dare you show your face?? How did you find me??” she said, walking up to him and igniting her lightsaber.

“Woah woah, calm down, little wolf.” He said, putting his hands in the air.

“Don’t you dare call me that!” she said angrily.

“Okay okay, calm down! Not in front of the kids!” he said.

“What ki-“ Shin said angrily before noticing four, definitely unrelated children walking down the ramp.

“A-Are they- Are they all yours??” Shin asked in shock.

Jod laughed. “No, they’re not mine. They left their planet, and they’re lost. I want your help getting them home” he said.

Shin narrowed her eyes, before walking over to the children, putting away her lightsaber.

“Are you a jedi?” one of the boys said.

“Yes, uh- how did you-…how did you find Jod?” she asked.

“We found him in a prison cell” One of the girls said.

Shin immediately looked at Jod.

“It wasn’t my fault! It was Brutus! He was mad at me” Jod said.
“I wonder why.” Shin replied, crossing her arms.

“You don’t trust him, do you?” the girl asked.

Shin hesitated, not wanting to answer.

“You don’t! Damn it Wim, I told you he was bad!” the girl said.

“But he’s a jedi!” the boy, Wim, said.

“Not all Jedi are good. And Jod isn’t a jedi, he’s a pirate.” Shin said.

“Damn it Shin, you’re making this extremely difficult for me” Jod said, walking towards her.

“No, you’re making this difficult for me! I don’t want to see you or be around you!” Shin cried, walking away.

“Shin, they’re from At Attin! At Attin produces real old republic credits! We can go together, and have unlimited money! We can have the life we always dreamed of!” he said, grabbing her arm.

She froze, gritting her teeth. Sure, they had dreamed of a better life back when they were mercenaries. But Jod’s greed had gotten in the way of that.

“Of course. I should’ve known this was about money. You don’t care about whether or not those kids are alive, you just want their money!” Shin yelled, turning to face him.

“Shin-“
“NO! I’M SICK OF THIS! I HAVE ENOUGH GOING ON, I DON’T NEED YOU MAKING IT WORSE!” She cried.

“…Shin?” Sabine spoke.

Shin turned to face her, her breath faltering.

Sabine was standing there, holding hands with Ketsu.

Shin was done.

She yanked away from Jod, sobbing as she went back to the watchtower.

Shin sat behind the watchtower, her knees to her chest as she cried.
She couldn’t stand it anymore.
She just wanted Sabine. She wanted to forget about the past, and grow old with Sabine in their watchtower. It hurt that they couldn’t.

A moment later, she heard Jod walk towards her.

“Go away.” She muttered.

“Shin-“

“No.” she said.

Silence filled the air. The only sounds were the wind and Shin’s tears.

Jod sat next to her, sighing.
“Remember when you were 17, and you couldn’t find your stuffed bird?” he said.

Shin stopped. She remembered it, clear as day.
They had just finished a mission, and Shin could find the stuffed bird she’d kept with her since she was little. The only piece of home she had kept.

She and Jod had only been together for a few months at that point, and Shin went straight to him.

“I laughed at you at first. I thought it was stupid. But I saw the look in your eyes, the way you looked so distraught. Like I had just told you that you would be alone forever.”  He said.

“What’s your point?” Shin asked.

“That’s how you looked at her.” He said.

Shin knew she was caught. Jod could always see right through her, and she hated it.
But at the same time, she didn’t mind. He understood her.

“But she’s with that other girl, isn’t she?” he continued.

He had her. Shin knew he did. She was screwed, backed in a corner.

“You don’t have to live like this, you know? We can get away, take the money and run. Like we always talked about” he said.

Shin considered it.
She thought about what Ezra had said to her. About her being a part of their ‘family’

Sure, he said it was so. But she didn’t feel it.

But with Jod, he made her feel it. Like she was supposed to be there, wherever they were.
The only person who made her doubt her feelings for Jod was Sabine.

But Sabine wasn’t hers. And she would never be.

Chapter Text

Sabine had made a choice. She was going to talk to Ketsu and end whatever they had.
She loved Shin. And slowly, she was starting to realize just how much she loved her.

It wasn’t the way she loved Ezra or the rest of the ghost crew. It was different. Different than how she’d ever felt for anyone else.

She wanted Shin. She wanted her so badly that it hurt. And she thought it wasn’t fair. The way she loved Shin but went to Ketsu.

Maybe she just wanted closure. Maybe it was comforting to think about a time in the past where everything was easy.

But Shin deserved to know the truth of how she felt. So she had to step out of her comfort zone and say something. Or she would lose her.

First, she had to talk to Ketsu. So she got out of bed, got dressed, and went to Ketsu’s place.
Ketsu had a small apartment in the city of Lothal. It was in a large building, and she had to walk up long flights of stairs to get there.

But today, it felt so short. Like she barely had time to prepare. The door opened instantly, and Sabine knew she was screwed.

“Sabine?” Ketsu spoke, slightly confused.

“You’re here early. Not that I mind, but it’s early.” Ketsu said, letting her inside.

“We need to talk about something” Sabine said.

Ketsu laughed. “Yeah, we really do.” Ketsu said, sitting on the couch.

“I wanted to ask you about something. About us” she continued.

Sabine gripped the fabric of her pants, trying to keep herself from going insane.

“I do too. This-…thing we have…it can’t be more. I can’t do it anymore.” Sabine said, not even giving Ketsu the chance to ask her question.

Because Sabine knew damn well what it was.

“…what? Why?” Ketsu asked.

“I just- I can’t. I have other things to focus on.” Sabine said.

“That’s what you said last time.” Ketsu said, getting frustrated.

“I know, but I-“

“It’s that damn mercenary, isn’t it? She said something to you” Ketsu interrupted.

“What?! No, Shin didn’t do anything-“

“Or maybe she didn’t. Maybe you did something. You two share a bed, it was bound to happen.” Ketsu continued.

Sabine was getting annoyed. What was this woman saying?

“What are you insinuating-“

“I’m saying, you two fucked!” Ketsu said.

Sabine was baffled.
“Shin has feelings for you. Everyone sees it.” Ketsu continued, getting closer.
“No she doesn’t-“ Sabine argued.

“Do you not see how she looks at you?!” Ketsu yelled.

“It doesn’t matter how she looks at me! I don’t have feelings for you, is that not enough?!” Sabine shouted.

“It’s not! Because this is what you do! You run when things got a little messy, just like after Ezra left” Ketsu shouted back.

“That was different!”

“No it wasn’t! You only care about everyone else’s feelings, never yours or mine! Shin is a lost cause, she’s a sith!”

Sabine then slapped Ketsu across the face, hard. Sending Ketsu tumbling to the floor.

She had enough. She was sick of this. Sick of the crap people said about Shin. Sick of everything.

“She is not a sith. She was misguided. But she’s working on herself. And she helped us defeat Thrawn. If she hadn’t, we wouldn’t be here.” Sabine said.

Ketsu was looking up at her in shock.

“Ketsu, you’re my friend. I don’t want to lose that. But we are two very different people. We’ve tried. Twice. It’s not working. We need to move on.” Sabine finished, helping Ketsu up.

“…I guess you’re not entirely wrong.” Ketsu said.

“I’m going to talk to Shin today, and tell her a lot of things about myself that I want her to know. I want you to come with me. Can you?” Sabine asked.

Ketsu hesitated, but agreed.

As they approached the watchtower, Ketsu grabbed Sabine’s hand.

“Look, I’m sorry for what I said.” Ketsu said.

“No, Ketsu, I’m sorry. I’ve been terrible to you. I should’ve been honest from the start, and I shouldn’t have slapped you.” Sabine replied.

Then she heard it.

“NO! I’M SICK OF THIS! I HAVE ENOUGH GOING ON, I DON’T NEED YOU MAKING IT WORSE!” She cried.

“…Shin?” Sabine spoke.

Shin turned to face Sabine, and the look in her eyes made Sabine’s heart shatter.
She looked like a lost puppy who’d been denied food.

There was a man standing next to her, a man Sabine didn’t recognize.

And then she ran back to the watchtower, sobbing.

“Who the hell are you?” Sabine asked.

“An old friend of Shin’s.” the man said.

“I don’t know of any old friends.” Sabine said suspiciously, pulling her hand away from Ketsu.

“You don’t need to.” He said before walking in the direction Shin went.

Sabine was about to run after him, but Ketsu stopped her.

“Maybe give Shin some space? She’s probably overwhelmed right now” Ketsu said.

That night, Sabine and Shin were getting ready for bed.

Shin seemed different. Like something had changed.

“Shin? Are you okay?” Sabine asked.

Shin just shrugged, taking off her shirt and grabbing another one.

“Wait-“ Sabine said.

…what the hell was she doing?

Shin looked at her in confusion, and Sabine stepped closer.

“I-…I wanted to tell you something” she said quietly.

“You’re officially with Ketsu?” Shin asked.

“What? No, what makes you-“ Sabine started, but then realized.

Shin had heard everything. Everything she and Ketsu did at the watchtower, Shin heard.
And it probably didn’t help that they were holding hands earlier.

“Shin, I told her that I don’t like her like that. I don’t want to be with her.” Sabine said, keeping her voice quiet.

“…then who-“

Then Sabine kissed her.

And Shin immediately melted into it.

Tears slipped down Shin’s face, realizing the truth now.
Sabine wanted her.

“I like you, Shin. I want you.” Sabine whispered, breaking the kiss.

Shin held onto her shoulders, staring into her eyes.

“…I-I do too.” She whispered back.

And their lips met again, more passionately than before.
They fell onto the bed, their clothes soon forgotten on the floor.

But then Shin woke up.

It was 2am, and Sabine was facing her. Sabine was asleep, but Shin was awake.

She had finally gotten what she wanted. But now…

She had told Jod she would go with him. She couldn’t go back.

And so, she got up, kissing Sabine’s forehead, and lingering.
She wanted to stay. She hated that she couldn’t.

“I’m so, so sorry.” She whispered.

She grabbed her clothes, and her things. All her things. Making it look like she hadn’t even existed.

It was long. A long, long night. It felt like it was going on for hours.
And all she could do was cry.

And as she approached the door, she looked back and saw Murley sitting nearby, looking at her.

She simply waved and walked away. Tears pouring down her face.

And as she walked towards Jod’s ship, she wondered why she was even still doing this.

Chapter Text

Shin was sitting in the cockpit of Jod’s ship, watching the stars in hyperspace.
Her arms were crossed, and her knees were close to her chest.

She couldn’t stop thinking about how Sabine had kissed her.
And how Sabine would feel when she woke up and Shin was gone.

“Morning, little wolf.” Jod said, walking over and kissing the top of her head.

Shin flinched a bit.
“Don’t do that.” She said quietly.

“Sorry. Habit.” He said, moving to sit in the piolet seat.

“…where are the children?” She asked.

“Over there” He said, pointing at the small room behind them.
The children were sitting next to each other, their hands tied.

“Why are they restrained?” Shin asked.

“So they don’t run away.” He said.
Shin stood up, walking over and looking at them

She sat down, examining their wrists.

“It’s too tight, Jod. You’ll cut off their circulation” She said.

Jod scoffed. “Then fix it yourself. I don’t give a shit.” He said.

His tone made Shin flinch, but she untied the children’s wrists, not bothering to re-tie them.

She stormed back up to him, crossing her arms.

“Why were the tied?” she asked.

“I told you, so that they won’t run away.”
“Why would they run away? Do they not trust you?” Shin accused.

“That’s nonsense. They trust me completely.”

“Then why would they run away??”

“Stop asking questions, Shin. I have my reasons.” Jod said.

Shin was angry. This was how he always was. Making demands, excuses, lies.

“You haven’t changed one bit.” She seethed, walking away.

Jod immediately stood up, walking after her.

“Wait, Shin!” he said.
“No! I don’t care!” She yelled.

Shin walked into the first room she found, shutting the door and locking it.
She was tired. She just wanted to rest.

Shin had been sneaking around with Silvo for a while now.
And she liked him. Really liked him.

He was the first person besides Baylan who seemed genuinely interested in what she liked and who she was.

And he had even been her first kiss. Something she didn’t think she’d ever experience.

By now, she was 18. Baylan had discovered him when she was 17, and Jod joined their small crew, along with Marrok. Who had previously worked for the empire.

The empire had been destroyed, and the New Republic was working harder than ever.

Jod hated the New Republic. More than he had hated the Empire. He called them ‘entitled’ and ‘annoying’.

Especially when they started getting mad at him for how he flew his ship.

They were mercenaries, so a lot of what they did was illegal.
Shin was Baylan’s biggest secret.

Any time the ship was searched by New Republic officers, they hid Shin.
Baylan didn’t want the New Republic knowing he had yet another force sensitive child with him, since there were rumors of the New Republic Jedi Luke Skywalker starting a new jedi order.

“It’s a terrible idea, why can’t they see that??” he had said to Shin once.

One day, Shin and Silvo had been in Shin’s room, making out after another successful mission.

Until Baylan shouted “We being pulled in a tractor beam!”

They broke apart quickly, while Shin tried to hide.
But New Republic officers got in, and soon they were both in handcuffs, being dragged off the ship.

“Jod Na Nawood.” One of the officers spoke. “We’ve been looking for you” he said.

“That’s not my name” Silvo said.

“It is.” The officer said, holding up a wanted poster in his face.

Shin’s heart stopped. There was no way that was true.

“…Silvo?” Shin spoke, confused.

“Shin-“

“That’s not your name? You lied?” she asked, tearing up.

“Shin, it’s not-“

“You lied to me?? From the moment we met, you’ve been lying to me??” she cried.
“What else have you lied about, ‘Jod’?” she asked angrily.

“Shin, they’re wrong. I would never lie to you, little wolf-“

“Shut up! I don’t wanna hear it!” she cried.

The New Republic officers looked at them in confusion, before one of them sighed.

“Let those three go. Jod is the one we’re here for. Clearly, they’ve been tricked. They haven’t done anything wrong.” The first officer said.

They pulled Jod out of the ship, taking the handcuffs off of Shin, Baylan, and Marrok.

“Shin, I’ll come back for you!” Jod said as he was pulled away.

“Don’t bother.” She said, turning away.

She looked back, seeing the first officer and a woman with short purple hair drag him away, and Shin was left heartbroken and betrayed.

Sabine woke up, immediately noticing Shin wasn’t in bed.

This was common for her. Getting up in the early hours to stand on the balcony, just watching the tall grass blow in the wind.

But when Sabine got dressed and walked outside, Shin wasn’t there.
And neither was Jod’s ship.

Sabine looked around the entire watchtower, waiting to find her.
Shin was no where to be found, and Sabine was starting to panic.

Especially as she began to remember who Jod was.

The pirate she had arrested years back.
He was the one that came here for Shin.

“Shin!” she shouted, running around and looking for her.

She was running, searching, panicking and starting to cry. She had finally gotten the courage to tell Shin how she felt, and she ran away.

It was killing her. She didn’t know why.

And she wished she knew. If only she knew. Maybe Shin wouldn’t have run away so quickly if she had done something different. If things were easier, maybe. Maybe Shin didn’t actually want her.

Maybe she found something more interesting.

Maybe Jod was more interesting.

“Sabine!” Ezra shouted, running towards her.

“What’s going on? Why are you here so early?” she asked.

“Remember that pirate we arrested years ago? The one that escaped over a year ago? We found him, he’s trying to find At Attin” Ezra replied.

“Get Shin, we gotta go” he continued.

That’s when Sabine realized.

Jod was the pirate she had arrested years prior. Shin was the girl who was standing on the ramp of that ship, crying.

It all came together in a horrible, heart shattering puzzle.

“Fuck.”