Chapter Text
TUTORIAL
This story assumes that you know, generally, how Disco Elysium works as a game. I am going to try to emulate the skill/choice based progression as best as I can, but this is just a story on Ao3, not a full-fledged video game. So, some concessions and adjustments need to be made. This intro is meant to serve as a primer to learn how the fic will be ‘played.’
NOTE: You will need to keep track of things, such as inventory, skill points, money and clothing etc. You can do this in a text document or go old school, pen and paper style. I also recommend marking down the chapter you last stopped reading at as a bookmark of sorts because, given the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure style of the fic, the chapter index might be unreliable.
IE: the chapters won’t always be in chronological order, and the one you stop reading at won’t necessarily be the ‘end’. When you reach the end of the current update just mark down the chapter number and resume reading from there the next time the story gets updated.
This fic needs to be read on Ao3. Given the interactive nature of the story, it will not work if downloaded.
Never click the ‘next chapter’ button on the bottom of the page. You might be sent to wrong section. Whenever you’re prompted to proceed in the story, just click links that say [CONTINUE] to go to the next section.
SKILLS
In the following ‘chapter’, you will build Cuno’s skillset. The four categories of skills are as follows;
- BRAINS
- LUNGS
- INFLICT
- DEFLECT
BRAINS : Skills related to your intelligence, both practically and creatively.
LUNGS : Skills related to emotional depth and the supra-natural, bolstering your ability to connect to people and to interact with the world.
INFLICT : Go on the offence. Scare people and impose yourself upon others. Scratch and bite.
DEFLECT : Get defensive. Shield yourself from it all. Don’t let them hurt you.
Each category starts with a default score of 1. In the next chapter you’ll be able to allocate an additional 8 points across these categories to shape Cuno’s strengths and weaknesses. The levels of all skills under each category will match the level of their respective categories — Just like in Disco Elysium. Additionally, throughout the story you can earn and invest skill points in individual skills, up to their learning cap, which is double your initial investment in the category — Again, just like Disco Elysium.
There is no EXP. Instead you will periodically receive skillpoints when you fulfil certain tasks or side-tasks.
The clothing you wear will also raise and lower the levels of certain skills.
Any drugs or liquor you find will be placed in your inventory. You can use them before a check for a one time boost to your stats for that specific check. Your stats will revert to their previous state after the check is finished.
PASSIVE & ACTIVE CHECKS
Passive checks will appear throughout the story. There is no choice involved on your part. The check will show the skill’s name, followed by the number of points you need in that skill in order to view it. Nothing is stopping you from cheating and clicking on every single one. You can choose to play along with the game mechanics or ignore that aspect and just read it like a CYOA book instead. The option to ‘play’ is just there for those who are interested.
Here’s an example. Let’s say, hypothetically, you have FOUR points in EATING ASS (Eating ass won’t be a real skill in the story, regretfully). The following passive check only requires THREE points of EATING ASS, so you are therefore required to open it. Go ahead and click on it. Every line with a solid triangle next to it can be opened.
EATING ASS [Level 3]
EATING ASS — There’s no shame in it. However, it is considered courteous to take a shower first.
Sometimes, passive checks will even have other passive checks underneath them if another voice feels like chiming in. Also, if the passive check has no level listed next to it, then that means it’s a freebie, like this next one;
EATING ASS
EATING ASS — Alright, settle down. One can only eat so much ass before chafing starts to become a factor.
ASS
ASS — I don’t mind…
Secondly, there are active checks. These are checks that you have to take a risk on, and they will have different outcomes depending on whether or not you pass or fail the skill check. Unlike Disco Elysium, there is no retrying these. Every check is effectively a ‘red check’ given the linear nature of the story.
You will need two six-sided dice for active checks. You can either use the real thing or, if you don’t have dice, use a website. Just search “Roll two D6” in your web browser.
Active checks require you to roll a certain number or higher in order to succeed. The total sum of your roll is strengthened by the number of points you have in the skill related to the check.
Let’s say there’s an active check to, I don’t know, eat some ass. You have an ass eating skill of FOUR, remember? The following check requires a roll of TEN to pass. So, you would subtract FOUR points from the total needed — meaning you would now need to only roll at least a SIX with your two dice (Around a 72% chance of succeeding, if you want to be a bino about it).
NOTE: Rolling double-sixes will always result in success, and rolling double-ones will always result in failure.
Active checks in this story will be highlighted in orange to let you know you need to roll for it. Then, it will show you the skill associated with the check, followed by the level you need in order to succeed.
Go ahead and click the check, roll the dice and see how you do. Once you’ve seen your roll through to the conclusion, click CONTINUE.
1. - [EATING ASS – Ten points to pass] Try to eat some ass:
EATING ASS — A succulent posterior waits before you, tempting you. You can feel your mouth water as your hands clench at your sides. This is, without hyperbole, the most delicious ass you’ve ever set your eyes on — and you are a *prodigious* consumer of rear, so that’s really saying something.
Just as you begin to waggle your fingers and creep forward, eager to dig in, a thought occurs to you…Do you *deserve* to be in the presence of such a wonder?
CHECK SUCCESS – 10 OR MORE
ASS — You lick your chops like a ravenous beast. Your whole life has led to this one single moment. You lunge forward and dig into the ass like a three-course meal. Were there any onlookers, they would be in awe, falling to their knees and bleeding from their eyes. This is anilingus of cataclysmic proportions. Just when you think the very fabric of reality is about to split apart, you feel a strange compulsion to investigate deeper into the ass.
Following your intuition, you probe deeper into the inviting cavity and brush against a strange anomaly. When you pull your face out from between the cheeks you discover that you have a one-million dollar bill clenched in your teeth.
I think we can all learn something from this.
CHECK FAILURE – NINE OR LESS
ASS — With the grace and poise of a fumbling virgin, you shoot forward on your over-eager shaky legs. In your haste, you trip over your own feet and fall to the ground, dying instantly, as you land neck first on an upright bottle of Mountain Dew: Baja Blast.
The final image seared into your mind as the lights go out forever, is the ass spread before you — tragically uneaten. Though you won’t be around to see it, you know instinctively that your gravestone will read; “They died as they lived. Incompetently.”
⠀CONTINUE ▸ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀
Wow, what an emotional moment we just shared together. I feel closer to you now, like we’re pals or perhaps something more.
The last thing you need to know about conversations, or navigating environments, is that you will often be presented with a list of things you can choose to say or do. If the list has no warning beforehand, you can pick and choose to click every single one of them if you wanted to. However, if the list says [PICK ONE], then you only get to choose one single response. Then, you scroll past the rest of the options.
INVENTORY & CLOTHING
You will come to possess many items during the story. This is pretty straight forward. If you were given, for example, a nuclear warhead it would say;
Item gained: Nuclear Warhead
Then, if you were to lose said item, give it away, or use it in such a way that it’s been ‘spent’ then it would say;
Item lost: Nuclear Warhead
Just make an inventory list and add/remove the things in your possession as needed. Also, keep a count of your money. You start with ✤0.00 reál, you dirty thing.
As for attire, you will come across articles of clothing in your travels. You can equip them for bonuses, but they may also have downsides. You have clothing slots for your head, neck, hands, feet, chest and legs. Cuno starts with no clothing equipped. Don’t worry, he’s not walking around naked. His default clothes are just placeholders and don’t have stats associated with them.
ONE LAST THING: POINTS OF INTEREST & CLÉS
This will be a mechanic unique to this story. This is what will determine the outcome of certain plotlines and, eventually, the ending.
Your investigation will bring you to different POINTS OF INTEREST in Jamrock. In each point of interest, you will be able to earn CLÉS ⚿. The amount of clés you earn measures your efficacy in policing/investigating these different zones.
You need to keep track of two things — the amount of clés you have earned *in each specific point of interest*, and the *grand total* number of clés you have earned across the entirety of Jamrock.
You start the story in Central Jamrock, which will function as a hub area. From there, you will travel all across the district to these various points of interest. Central Jamrock will also have sidequests/shops/attractions and side characters periodically added to it.
Outside of points of interest, in Central Jamrock, when you’re not actively on the job, you may sometimes stumble upon bonus clés to increase your grand total.
GENERAL WARNINGS
BE ADVISED: Cuno has breached containment. This is not a drill.
You are playing as Cuno in this story. Let that sink in. You are playing as Kuuno De Ruyter. Please consider that for a moment lmao.
There’s going to be offensive dialogue, slurs, drug usage, violence, traumatic content etc. I chose not to use archive warnings for the sake of spoilers but…You know. It’s a Disco Elysium fic where you’re inhabiting Cuno’s rotten little noggin. If there is *any* content or language in the entire world that you think might upset you to the point of hampering your enjoyment, I’d advise skipping this one. If you can handle all the subject matter in DE, I’d say this story will be about the same in terms of troubling content. You can use that as a general point of reference.
Secondly, the writers of Disco Elysium are clearly geniuses. I’m very much not a genius. I’m sure if any of the people who worked on Disco Elysium and I ever had a conversation it would be like one of those YouTube videos where a zoo keeper is psyched that they taught the chimp how to use sign language to ask for bananas.
Also, formatting this thing is a nightmare. If you saw the HTML code in the prologue alone you would screech at the top of your lungs and jump headfirst from your balcony. If there are any typos or plot discrepancies just let me know and I’ll amend them in the following update. This wasn’t beta read by anyone and my brain is smooth.