Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Hey, I need a favor. Sort of a big one, and you might be pissed at me. It’s a medical thing. JK

Is the patient you, or someone else? - LM

Me, and I promise my throat isn’t closing up this time. JK

[...] I need a script for suppressants. 240mg, the weekly pill kind, not the three month long hypos. JK

And it can’t be attached to me. Can you fill it anonymously for me? Or write it for a fake name that I can fill it under? JK

Jim, I need you to be very clear about what drugs you are asking for here. What EXACTLY do you need 240mg of per week? - LM

Omegrezol. That’s the only one I haven’t had a bad reaction to yet. JK

Is that going to be an issue? I can try and find somewhere else, or head out of town to a clinic. The guy I typically get it from hasn’t been answering my comms, and I’m down to my last week. JK

Christ - LM

How long have you been on that dose? - LM

Three years now, I think. I was on Suppremil for a year before that, on a similar dose. Why? JK

Because the standard dose is half that - LM

Yeah, well, I’m not a standard patient. You’ve said so yourself. JK

The lower doses don’t work well for me, and less than that isn’t enough to make me scent neutral. - JK

Can you get me that dose, or not? - JK

I don’t want you having to stop it suddenly, so I’ll find a way to make it happen - LM

When you say they ‘don’t work well’, do you mean just scent neutrality, or other symptoms as well? - LM

Scent neutrality is the biggest thing, but I get irregular preheat symptoms that are worse than they should be at the lower doses. And my moods are all over the place, too. JK

Hmm. Well, medication of that's reasonable - LM

Are you willing to walk me through the logic of keeping this off the books? - LM

Sure thing. You want me to start with the omega command track enrollment rate, the number of omegas who have ever been given a command position, or a lecture about the prejudice people have against omegas? JK

And that's just the logic behind the reason I said I was a beta in the first place. Coming out as an omega now would mean I lied on my enlistment forms. You wanna guess what the punishment is for that? JK

Alright - LM

Well, I've got a suggestion, but I don't think you'll like it much - LM

Probably not. What is it? JK

There are certain conditions and situations - ones with stigma attached in various cultures, essentially - that medical officers are allowed to seal, above the general privacy level of medical records - LM

Let me make a sealed medical record stating that you're a transdynamic beta - LM

[...] How sealed would it really be? Who would have access to it? JK

Your primary physician. In an emergency situation where your primary physician is uncontactable and it is suspected to be relevant, the physician in charge of your case - LM

To reduce the chances of that happening, I have the option to tag the sealed section so they can more easily rule it out. I'd likely tag it 'endocrinology' and 'sexual health' - LM

That might work. JK

Let's say there's an admiral who goes poking through my file tomorrow. Could they override the medical seal? JK

No - LM

There are procedures that the top few layers of Starfleet Medical can use to apply for access, typically in cases of suspected medical malpractice - LM

But those procedures either require patient consent or a lot of paperwork and oversight - LM

If you genuinely feel that making a sealed medical record would work, and there's really no other way, then we can do that. JK

Doesn't seem like I have much of a choice. JK

Have you had other transdynamic patients before? JK

Yes. It's not common, and there's historically been some suspicion that it's just because of the social privileges and perceptions that come with dynamic, not because of internal gender - LM

I think that's bullshit. If a person wants to live as a particular dynamic, I want to help them - LM

I want to give you choices, kid. But...this is the choice that gets you what you need without guaranteeing I lose my medical license if it ever gets discovered - LM

So if you're willing, I'll selfishly admit I'd prefer you pick it - LM

Let's do it. It's not worth losing your career over. JK

I had a psychologist once suggest my moods were more from dynamic dysphoria when the suppressants were lowered. She also suggested I stay on the lower dose and deal with the low moods and mood swings in other ways, so I didn't put much stock in what she said. JK

Hormonal fluctuation can definitely affect mood, that's well documented. But dysphoria can also affect mood - LM

If you don't mind me asking bluntly, are there things about your body that you'd like to be different, even with the suppressants? - LM

Your answer won't change my mind about what we're planning - LM

Yeah, I guess there's a few things. I'd prefer to be taller. And the distribution of fatty tissue on me is more omega than anything else. Targeted exercising helps with it a bit, enough you can't tell, I think. JK

You're within the standard range of variation for men of all dynamics - LM

Does it bother you that people might be able to tell, or does it just not feel right, or both? - LM

Yeah, but I'm still on the lower end of the range for height. JK

I don't know, both, maybe? I try not to think about it. But I definitely don't want people to be able to tell. JK

Hmm. Ever built a nest? - LM

God, no. Not recently, anyway. I think when I presented I might've gone through the motions to stop feeling like I was crawling out of my skin. JK

Are these questions out of a professional or personal curiosity? I don't mind telling you, just wondering if you're working on some kind of diagnosis I should know about. JK

What I'm working on is I think there's good reason to consider you genuinely transdynamic - LM

[...] I guess that could make sense. JK

Would that change anything, if I were? Medically or academically, I mean. It'd stay sealed too, right? JK

Not in terms of what I do with Starfleet, no - LM

But if you're aiming for 'I want to look like other betas' instead of 'I want no one to guess I'm an omega', there are some possibilities I can look into in terms of medications - LM

Something like Omegrezol or Suppremil, those target a hormone that is particularly strong in omegas. But for transdynamic patients, sometimes we add something like Alviamon to raise the levels of hormones that are more concentrated in alphas - LM

Betas typically have low levels of both, but it also works to have balanced levels of the two - LM

[...] Can you write me a script for the Alviamon, or something like it? I want to try it. JK

I'm going to do a blood test first to check on your hormone levels overall, but yeah, kid, we can do that - LM

Figures I wouldn't get through this without a blood draw. JK

Think the alpha hormone meds would help with my scent? I use neutralizing soaps on top of the suppressants, but it's tricky to get them for myself. JK

Possibly. Changing hormones are usually reflected in scent. Alviamon hormone therapy tends to also cause an increase in facial hair, changes in fat distribution, and may result over time in some changes to your genitalia, which I'll talk about in more detail when you come in for that blood draw - LM

Definitely not opposed to any of those things happening. JK

Are you working today? I could come by during your shift. JK

You don't want to give it a day to think things over? - LM

The sooner I'm on these meds the better. It's not like it's irreversible, right? If I go on them and start thinking I fucked up? JK

If you go off the meds, you will gradually return to baseline. But it's better to taper the dosage, so don't just stop them - LM

I'd come to you before I changed anything with it. I don't think I'll want to, though. JK

Usually with hormone therapy, things get adjusted a little over time as we figure out what works. Everyone responds a little differently, and not all medications work for everyone - LM

Right. That's fine with me. It's pretty likely I'll wind up being allergic to the meds either way. JK

That's what happened with some of the other suppressants I tried. One messed with my breathing, and the other gave me awful hives. JK

Christ. First day you take a new medication, ANY new medication, I want you to be around other people, preferably me, for at least the first two hours - LM

I think I can manage spending a few hours with you, but I'd be fine either way. I've got a few epi hypos and a half dozen histamine ones, too, courtesy of you. JK

Better safe than sorry - LM

I'm glad you trusted me with this, kid - LM

I'm glad I did, too. It's nice to talk about it with someone. JK

And thanks, for being so understanding. And trustworthy. JK

You're welcome. I'm glad I can help - LM

So am I. JK

God, I'm almost excited to come by the clinic now. I don't think I've ever looked forward to that before. JK

Clearly I just need to find the right incentives - LM

Clearly. I'll see you there a little later? JK

See you then - LM

Jim fidgeted on the biobed as he waited for Bones, swinging his feet to try and dispel his nervous energy. The longer he'd waited, the more he was starting to doubt himself, doubt he actually knew what he wanted, or what he needed, or what would do him good. He was close to darting out when the door finally opened. "Busy day?" he asked, with the plastic sort of smile that didn't reach his eyes.

Leonard dropped into his chair with a groan. "It's always like this," he complained. "I thought when I got out of family practice I'd stop getting thrown up on, but no." He looked Jim over with a glance, then asked, "Blood draw first, talking first, or hug first? I promise I had a shower after the vomit incident."

Jim looked him over as he considered the hug option, making sure Leonard looked as clean as he claimed he was. He slid his hands under his thighs on the table, the pressure on them helping him sit still. "May as well get the draw over. We could talk at the same time," he decided.

Leonard nodded, and stood back up to grab the blood draw equipment. "Sounds sensible to me," he said. "Now, to recap in an official context, you have informed me that you are a transdynamic beta, and have requested that all information about that condition and any associated treatment be kept under a medical seal, which I have agreed to. Based on discussions with you about your experiences, I have suggested that in addition to the suppressants you already take, we try starting you on Alviamon, which may help with issues you mentioned like body fat distribution. Is that all correct so far?" Efficiently, he put on gloves, wrapped a tourniquet around Jim's arm, unwrapped a needle and vial, and swabbed Jim's elbow.

"...Yeah," Jim said slowly, chewing the inside of his cheek. Hearing it all out loud like that made it feel too real. He clenched and unclenched his hand as Leonard prepped his arm, watching so he could be prepared for the moment the needle went in, while his pulse on the biobed readout ticked up. "If I change my mind about this and decide I'm not—that I don't want to continue with that treatment, can you delete the whole sealed bit, and anything about me ever having started the Alviamon?"

"Alright, needle now," Leonard murmured, sliding it easily into the vein and watching as the vial filled up. "It's a little complicated, particularly with me continuing your supply of suppressants," he admitted. "But I'll do everything I can to make it as invisible as possible, and disguise what we've talked about as addressing a purely medical hormone imbalance." He put the vial in the analyser and ran a dermal regenerator over the pinprick mark on Jim's elbow before packing up the rest of the debris.

With a slow breath, Jim nodded, the wave of lightheadedness passing. "Thanks," he said, watching Leonard work and stretching his arm to get rid of the last of the ache. "I don't think I will change my mind," he started slowly, and then the words poured out of him: "but I don't know. It's all so new, and even though I've wanted something like this for years now, I keep thinking that maybe I'm wrong and if I just have a heat, or get knotted, or knocked up, I'll be fine. And I used to really want kids, too, like, want to have them myself. So what does that mean? Did my gender just get fucked up along the way, or did I just want that because I thought I should?"

"Well, there's a few possibilities there," Leonard admitted, leaning back against his desk. "First of all, it's extremely common for people who are questioning their gender, sexuality, or dynamic, to wonder if they'd 'like it if they tried it'. I can't guarantee that it never happens, but kid, that's almost always the voice of internalised prejudice. Does the idea of a heat intrigue you?"

"No," Jim said without needing to think about it, voice flat. "Thinking about it is... yeah, no." He rubbed at his thighs, glancing at the bed read out again just to give himself something to do. "I'm probably being a baby about this, right? I should just go on the meds and be happier. If my bloodwork says I can." When he looked back to Leonard, he watched him carefully. "Did you ever question any of that stuff in you?"

"Honestly?" Leonard said. "No. Well, a little bit whether I was attracted to men, but I'm a man and a beta and I've never doubted either of those things. They've always been comfortable and self-evident." He sighed. "You're not being a baby, you know. You're working through a whole new take on your identity, and even when that's a positive thing, it takes time."

"What's the verdict on you being into men? Seems only fair you tell me, since I'm baring my soul to you here," Jim joked, shooting for a teasing smile and landing on something that felt more tired than anything else. The slight change of subject helped him to not think about his own identity for a minute or two at least.

Leonard smiled at him. "Signs point to yes," he said. "Turns out, some people actually don’t experience attraction to most subsections of the population. Strange, but true."

"Well, I can't personally confirm that those people exist," Jim replied, grinning back at him. "So, talk to me about my genitals, Bones. I know you're real eager to get to that conversation. How much change should I expect?"

Leonard snorted. "Well, the good news is, your penis will get bigger, and that usually starts pretty early on," he said. "How much bigger varies. There'll be an adjustment period where you get erections more easily. You'll probably find that arousal and orgasm feel different."

Despite his initial jokes, Jim paid close attention, and nodded seriously. "You mentioned facial hair, so I'm guessing I should expect more pubic growth too?" He frowned, not particularly excited about going through something like puberty again. "Will I still get wet when I'm turned on?"

"So-so on the first question," Leonard admitted. "Pubic hair is common across genders and dynamics, facial hair less so. But perhaps some. You may find you're producing less slick than you used to, which I know might be a plus, but it does mean that you must plan for lubricant if you're doing anything penetrative."

"I'll keep some with me at all times," Jim joked, making a mental note to find some, since he hadn't had much use for it on his own. "How're my hormone levels looking? Am I good to go on the new meds? I could take it tonight and stay at your place."

Leonard checked the read-out and nodded. "Nothing's jumping out at me. I'll take a closer look later, but I don't see any reason not to." He smiled, glad to see that Jim was more enthusiastic again. "One side effect I will warn you about is acne. It's common, it does go away eventually, but there's nothing much to do about it except keep your face clean and run a dermal regen over it when it gets bad."

Jim made a face. "I feel like I'm ten and about to discover my body for the first time," he muttered, and rubbed a hand over his cheek, his blessedly clear complexion and annoyingly smooth jaw. Seemed like a fair trade. "I can handle a little acne. What form does Alviamon come in? I can't do med patches."

"We're hoping you'll like the body you discover a little better," Leonard commented. "There's a pill version we can try. Not very commonly used, but it's around." He went over to his computer and started writing out the prescription for Omegrezol. "I assume you've got a discreet pharmacy somewhere?"

"Yeah, I'll take the scripts there, they should be fine to fill them both for me," Jim said easily, glad Leonard wasn't sending him down the hall to pick them up in person. "And I can take it tonight with your supervision?"

"That'll be fine," Leonard said, nodding. "And now, kid, I'd like that hug, if you don't mind." Jim had given him a lot of trust today, revealed a lot of vulnerability, as well as the signs of isolation from quality medical care or the community that might've helped him work himself out.

Jim hopped down from the biobed and rubbed at the inside of his elbow where there was still a ghost of pain, trying to not show how much he wanted that hug. "And you're sure you're vomit-free?" he asked, raising his eyebrows as he started closer.

"Definitely," Leonard reassured him with a smile. He opened his arms. "Come here, Jim. You've had a mess of a day, and hugs help."

Jim closed his eyes as he leaned into the hug, wrapping his arms around Leonard in a familiar embrace. "Yeah, it's been something. This morning I thought I'd have to go off suppressants cold turkey," he said with a wry laugh.

Leonard squeezed him tight for a moment, then settled in for a longer hug. "Not on my watch," he promised. "I'm looking forward to seeing what it's like when your body makes you happier."

After a quick blink to shove away however emotional that made him, Jim patted Leonard's back. "Don't worry, Bones. Even if I'm happier with my body, I'll still annoy you just as much," he teased, and finally started to pull away, though his hand lingered on Leonard's shoulder. "I'll come by with dinner when your shift's over."

Chapter Text

"You know," Jim said two weeks later, letting himself in with Leonard's access code that he wasn't strictly supposed to have, "I probably don't need to be babysat each time I increase the dose." He kicked his shoes off and set a bag of food down on the coffee table in front of Leonard. "But I've barely seen you this week, so I don't mind too much. You have any trouble with that exam you had yesterday?"

"Maxicillin sent you into anaphylactic shock," Leonard retorted. "You scared the shit out of me, kid. And considering this is a med you don't want anyone to know you're taking, I'd rather you had your reactions under my supervision. Give it a month and I'll let you off."

"Fine, but one month is all you're getting." Jim unpacked the food and plopped down next to him, then fished the pills from his pocket. "So, one and a half tonight, or two?" he asked, sounding as eager as he was. "I think I could do two. I'm on such a low dose as it is."

Leonard grinned, pleased to see Jim so enthusiastic. For all Jim's uncertainty about whether he deserved to start this line of treatment, he was sure having fun with it. "I'll let you take two," he said. "Have you noticed anything yet?"

Jim grabbed one of the drinks he'd brought with him and took the two pills before responding. "I feel different, like it's easier to do all the things I used to put effort into, like walk past an alpha without shrinking into myself. But the dose is so low it's gotta be at least partially psychosomatic." He shrugged, fiddling with the bottle cap in his hand. "Do I seem different?"

Leonard paused to think it over. Did Jim seem different? "...you seem more comfortable in yourself," he said eventually. "Though you're right, at this point it's probably mostly psychological, not physiological."

"I am, I guess." Jim shrugged and started to unpack the food. "I did some research after that appointment with you. I've been reading about transdynamic people all week, actually. There's a lot of stuff out there, some tips."

"That's great!" Leonard said warmly, going to get them some cutlery. "I was going to point you at some forums today."

"You could still send them my way, they might have stuff I haven't seen." Jim flushed at the praise, pulling a container of pad thai into his lap. He picked a piece of chicken out with his fingers. "Apparently having heats isn't supposed to be so traumatic. Who knew? I always thought everyone just suffered through them, too."

Leonard huffed. "I wish I hadn't heard that sort of thing before," he muttered, pointedly handing Jim a fork. "Heats can be distressing - it's a big change of mindset, a loss of control - but they shouldn't be traumatic or painful "

Jim rolled his eyes and twisted some of the noodles onto his fork. "It wasn't necessarily painful . I don't think I was as slick as I should've been, but that might've been from being so stressed, so that didn't help. But yeah, it was... rough. I figured either something was wrong with me, or everyone else was lying." He shrugged. "I'll stop having heats on the meds, right?"

"Something was different about you," Leonard conceded, sitting down and grabbing his own box of food. "They should stop eventually, but either way they'll lighten up."

"Yeah, guess I was different. And thank god for lightened heats." Jim shook his head, took a bite, and carefully waited until Leonard's mouth was full so he couldn't grumble too much, before adding, "I started doubling up on the suppressants for the past year or two so I wouldn't have to deal with them." And sometimes he'd triple up, if it was really bad, but he wasn't about to admit to that.

Leonard narrowed his eyes. "You will tell me if you feel the need to do that again," he said firmly.

"If I were to tell you if I felt that need," Jim started, scooping up another bite, "what would you do?"

Leonard pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Well, now I know it's a concern for you, I'll look into medically recommended ways to handle it," he said slowly. "If you came to me tomorrow and said it was urgent, I'd ask you to wait a few hours while I checked, but since you've done it before and come out okay, I'd just ask to check in with me over the period you were taking extra."

"I can do that," Jim promised. "I'm not due for another for a month or so, but if it helps, you've seen me on a double dose before. That time we went to the bar on trivia night? And I only had a single beer. I was very responsible."

Leonard scowled. "Well, I'll look into it," he muttered. "What else have you found in your reading?"

"It's a good idea to have a friend of the dynamic you are who knows. Apparently," Jim said, frowning at his food, "scent fluctuations are normal while you're... well, transitioning, I guess. And so it helps to borrow clothing and stuff to help with it." He shrugged, and stuffed a bite in his mouth.

Leonard nodded. "Makes sense to me," he said. "You can borrow some of my stuff if you want."

"Thanks." Jim bumped their knees together. "Therapy's supposed to be good, which I've already been thinking about anyway. And there's a lot of information about common side effects. There are groups in the city, but it's probably not a great idea for me to meet up in person."

"If I'd thought you'd agree to therapy, I woulda recommended it sooner," Leonard admitted. "It can't have been easy, handling this on your own."

"I said I'm thinking about it," Jim reminded him, resting the sole of his foot on the edge of the coffee table. "It was Pike who first suggested it last year, and I basically told him to fuck off. And he didn't even know about this stuff."

Leonard held up his hands in surrender. "Alright, I won't nag," he promised. "I think it'd be good, but only if you're actually willing to be there."

Jim reached over to steal a forkful of Leonard's dish, and then offered his own plate up in exchange. "I'm not saying I'd definitely go, but do you know of anyone who's good with all that—dynamic stuff? If it's going to come up, I don't want to talk to someone who'll tell me I'm some greedy omega playing dress up. And, I mean, there's other stuff, too, that'd probably come up, so you could factor that in, if you had someone you'd suggest."

"I'll ask around, see who I can find," Leonard said thoughtfully. "What other stuff should they be competent with?"

"Come on, I know you've diagnosed me in your head with a couple things already. Just take your best guess," Jim said with a wry smile. "It'd take too long to list it all, anyway."

Leonard shook his head. "There's things you don't talk about," he said. "I've got suspicions, but I don't like to diagnose when there's a big gap in the puzzle."

Jim chewed slowly, mentally cursing out his friend's admirable medical ethics. "Fine. So, PTSD's a big one," he said after a long minute, "and I have a... thing, with food, sometimes. And I read my appetite could increase from the Alviamon, so someone who can help with that would be good. Did you have either of those on your suspected-reasons-why-Jim-Kirk-is-fucked-up bingo card?" he joked, forcing a grin.

"I did," Leonard said slowly. "The inciting incident for that PTSD, was that more than, say, four years ago?"

"Yeah," Jim said, and scanned Leonard's face. "Are you asking because of something in my file?"

Leonard shook his head. "I'm asking because childhood trauma - and yes, teenagers are included in 'childhood' here - leads to a different kind of PTSD."

"Oh. No one ever told me that before." Jim frowned, twirling and untwirling a bite of noodles on his fork. "Does the diagnosis change if there was more than one thing, and they were at different ages?" 

Leonard sighed. He'd hoped that wouldn't be the case. "Sort of, but not really," he said. "PTSD, the type most people are familiar with, tends to be from one incident or cluster of incidents in adulthood. C-PTSD, complex PTSD, usually comes from a prolonged period of trauma, or particularly from trauma in childhood. So if there were multiple childhood traumas in someone's history, I'd expect to see that complex type, but within that, it's very broad about how individual people respond."

"Definitely have that, then," Jim said with a little snort. "I had a therapist as a kid who diagnosed me with a few things, like ODD, but I think my stepdad paid her off, so I don't put much stock in that." he shrugged. "The other two are the big ones, and the dynamic thing. Everything else I don't need anyone who's especially competent with it."

"Okay," Leonard said simply, not pushing - even if Jim’s stepfather sounded like a nasty piece of work. "C-PTSD with associated disordered eating, and trans issues. That's plenty for me to work with."

"Okay, great. Thanks." Jim got a bite ready on his fork, but hesitated. "It's really fucking weird hearing that about myself. Not the first stuff, I know all that, but it's strange thinking about myself as transdynamic. I don't know why."

"It's not a possibility you'd considered, is it?" Leonard pointed out. "Being transdynamic, a beta, that's not something you thought you qualified for."

"That's exactly it. I never thought about myself as anything other than an unhappy omega. Even taking the same meds as other trans people, being under the same treatment, it's still like I doubt it." Jim blew out a breath. "Sorry, I'm really dumping a lot on you tonight. If it's too much, tell me to shut up."

Leonard wrapped an arm around Jim's shoulders and tugged him into a hug. "Want me to sign a piece of paper saying 'not faking it'?" he joked gently.

Jim laughed lightly, leaning into him. "I know you're kidding, but I might actually take you up on that." He elbowed Bones' ribs gently. "I'm really giving that psych PhD of yours a workout tonight, huh?"

"You're fine, kid," Leonard said, ruffling his hair. "You'll work it out."

"Yeah, I will," Jim said, turning his head to look at him with a soft smile. "How do you know so much about transdynamic people, anyway? Is it something you learned in med school?"

Leonard picked up his food again and started wrapping noodles around his fork as he considered the question. "A little bit med school," he said. "And I won't pretend I haven't been brushing up since we first talked about it. But mainly... Mainly, I've learned it from my patients. You can learn a lot, if you listen to people."

Jim hummed. "People trust you enough to open up to you all the time at appointments, I bet. Did you treat those other patients before with the hormone meds like you gave to me?"

"I've treated a few," Leonard admitted. "But only one of them was starting on hormones with me, and they were going alpha to omega, which is a very different transition. The others had already established their treatment with their previous doctors, and we were just managing their ongoing health. I've treated some trans patients surgically, as well, for gender or dynamic affirming surgery."

"Well, I'm pretty sure I'm a guy at least, so I won't need any gender affirmation surgery. Is there surgery for people like me, omega to beta?" Jim asked, the last part said around a bite. 

Leonard shrugged. "OTB women usually find that hormone treatment does everything they need," he said. "OTB men, there's a few options, a bit like FTM trans men." He glanced at Jim. "I'll tell you right off the bat that it's a good idea to spend at least six months, more likely twelve, on just hormones, to figure out how far they take you and how you feel about it, before you consider surgical options. Just so you know."

"Believe me, I'm not eager to get any medical procedure that isn't going to drastically change my quality of life," Jim said, shaking his head. "I guess it would be nice to not worry about pregnancies anymore. I can look more into the options, read stuff from people who got it done, though."

"Good," Leonard said. "Look into it, think about it, see how your feelings change as you get used to things. That option's gonna stay open, so if you come to me in a year, or two years, or ten years, the answer's gonna be the same: 'Let's talk about it'."

"That's usually your answer," Jim teased, and reached into the bag for the spring rolls. "You're probably about to burst with all the things you wanna talk about with me, after this whole conversation."

Leonard laughed, holding his hand out for a spring roll. "You'll tell me when you're ready," he said easily. "As long as you're doing okay, I'll cope."

"I really am doing okay for now," Jim promised, offering him one of the two rolls. "Maybe once I start therapy - if I do it - I'll be just as talkative as you about my feelings."

Leonard rolled his eyes, grabbing a roll and biting into it. "Trust me, there's things I don't talk about," he muttered.

"Yeah, I know," Jim said with a shrug, serious again. "And you know if you ever wanted to talk about them I'd listen. But you'll tell me when you're ready."

Leonard met his eyes, and relaxed a little. "Thanks, Jim."

Chapter Text

Jim sat down next to Leonard at the table in his dorm’s common room, nudging their books out of the way enough to set out the tray of sushi he'd picked up from the mess on the ground floor. "Split it with me?" he asked, voice low so he didn’t bother anyone else. "I'm not hungry enough to finish it."

Leonard glanced at him, looking him over. "Alright," he said quietly. "You feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Jim waved him away with a hand. "Little light-headed, but I'll probably feel better after I eat." He picked up his stylus and twirled it between his fingers, considering his PADD.

Leonard frowned. "Did you have lunch today?" he asked. "Breakfast?"

"I had a small breakfast. I'm really just not hungry," Jim said with a shrug, using one of the two forks he'd gotten to spear a bite. "I've been off all day. Might be a cold or something."

That didn't make Leonard's frown any lighter. "Give me twenty minutes to finish up here, and we'll go get my tricorder and see what's going on," he suggested.

"I've got so much reading to do," Jim groaned, then reached for his water. His tongue was tingling, almost like he'd burned it on something hot. Huh. It wasn't going to his throat just yet, which meant it would probably go away, and he didn't normally have allergic reactions to this sushi. He took a long sip of water and cleared his throat. "I think I'm definitely in some kinda... fluctuation. I'm reacting all weird to things."

Leonard examined him more closely, reaching up to rest the back of his hand against Jim's forehead. "Weird how?"

"I'm having a very mild allergic reaction," Jim admitted, and held up a hand before Leonard could go for a hypospray. "I'm fine. This used to happen, sometimes. It's probably cross contamination getting to me."

"Used to happen?" Leonard asked, hurrying to pack up his books so they could get out of the common room and Jim could talk freely. "How long has it been?"

"A few months? Back when I had... other hormone things going on," Jim said with a grimace, not wanting to say heats out loud, even at a near whisper. "Never got light-headed or lost my appetite, though."

Leonard frowned harder. "Well, Occam's razor, let's consider the possibility this has a similar trigger." He stood, tucking his books under his arm. "You grab the food, we're going to get my tricorder."

"Okay," Jim sighed. He stacked his PADD and books, and tilted his head at the plate of sushi. "You want that? You didn't have dinner yet, either."

"Maybe later," Leonard said. "Might as well bring it with us, anyway." He'd noticed by now that Jim hated wasting food.

Jim nodded and sealed the top on the food, then stacked it on his books. "It's probably nothing," he warned, following Bones toward his room. "I usually go longer, between."

"We've been messing with your system," Leonard pointed out. "That can mess with regular cycles."

"I guess," Jim grumbled.

They made it to the lift, and Jim sighed, leaning against the wall and tilting his head back to look at the ceiling. "Did you ever figure out an alternative to tripling the dose of my other meds?” he asked. “Because if not, and that's what this is, I'm doing that again."

Leonard had found alternatives, but none that were better or safer. "Double dose for three days, triple for one week, double for three days," he said reluctantly. "It'll have to do."

"What if I have to be on triple for longer?" Jim asked with a grimace, a familiar edge of dread creeping in at the thought of a heat coming on. 

"I'll check your hormone levels daily," Leonard promised. "If we need to extend it, we'll extend it."

"Okay," Jim said, and blew out a long breath. "Okay. Thank you. And that's if it even is a heat - it's been so long since I got caught off guard like this." He'd also never been on Alviamon before, though, and so any preheat symptoms he was used to were probably different.

"Let's see if we can work that out, shall we?" Leonard said, clapping Jim on the shoulder and leading him out of the lift. "No point working out a battle plan when we don't know what the terrain is."

"If you're giving me a lecture on battlefield tactics, things must be dire," Jim joked, bumping him lightly while they walked. "You're just running a tricorder over me, right?"

"Just a tricorder," Leonard agreed, bumping him back. "If things are particularly obscure, I'll do a finger-prick blood test. That okay?"

"I'll allow it," Jim said lightly, following Leonard into his dorm. He dropped all his stuff on the coffee table, and let himself fall back onto the couch. He closed his eyes when the room started spinning a little. "Do your worst."

Leonard grabbed his kit, set the tricorder for an omega male human, and ran it slowly over Jim. "Talk me through the sequence now we've got some actual privacy," he said. "When did you start feeling off?"

"Couple days ago?" Jim admitted, wincing slightly, since he hadn't said anything the last few times he'd seen Bones. "Just a little nausea, on and off. Figured it was a bug or something. This morning I started getting lightheaded, too, and I've been pretty tired. Think this could be from upping the dose of the Alviamon?"

Leonard frowned thoughtfully. "Well, nausea can be a side effect of a hell of a lot of things," he murmured. "Nausea, and then lightheadedness and fatigue, loss of appetite...and then that allergic reaction as well. Hmm.”

Jim bit his lip. "If it's a med reaction, what happens?” he asked. “I can't not take it."

" If it's a medication side effect, it may go away - they're often temporary," Leonard pointed out. "But, even though the Alviamon complicates things a bit, this looks like preheat. Have you had any increased sensory sensitivity the last few days?"

"...Some," Jim said after thinking about it for a minute. He tipped his head back against the couch. "Fuck. Are you sure? I was really hoping I wouldn't get them any more."

Leonard winced. "Sorry," he said. "You haven't been on the Alviamon very long - it can take a while for it to build up enough to prevent heats altogether, and even then you might get some preheat symptoms occasionally. The nausea and lack of appetite, that fits, and the lightheadedness...well, I'm not sure, but it's possible that's actually subsequent to you eating less."

"It's not your fault," Jim said, giving him a tight smile. "I should get my meds, some food, and a few pads. One good thing is I haven't really had any increased slick - by now, normally, I'd have ruined your couch. So, I guess that's progress. And there are other small changes, too." 

Leonard put his tricorder away and sat, since there wasn’t much he could do medically. "Can I give you a hug?" he offered. "I'm sorry, kid."

Jim scooted closer, leaning into Leonard and wrapping his arms around him. "Thanks for asking," he murmured. "Can you tell me if I smell like an omega? Since I've got you this close."

Leonard hugged him close, rubbing a hand slowly up and down Jim's back, and tucked his face into Jim's neck to take a deep breath. "You smell like you, mostly," he admitted. "It's not something I could identify as an omega or beta scent. Definitely on the sweeter side, but that's all I've got."

Jim rested his head on Leonard's shoulder, his pure beta scent processing in Jim's thoughts somewhere between ‘ I like that’ , and ‘I want to be like that’. "Could be worse. And sorry if that was a weird favor." He pulled back a bit. "You mind if I borrow a jacket for the walk to my dorm in case it gets any worse?"

"No problem," Leonard said immediately. "It's fine, kid. Hell, you can have one of my spare blankets too, if you want." It was such a small thing to offer, but at least it was something.

"Alright, sure. I can bring you one of mine, if you think you're gonna get cold." Jim rubbed at the back of his neck. "I should eat. You got anything in your fridge I could steal?"

Leonard eyed him thoughtfully. "I don't know what works for you when you're like this, but chances are you'll have a better time with soups, smoothies, and low-fiber options," he said. Preheat tended to mess with the digestion a bit. "Want me to heat you up a cup of noodles in broth?"

"Protein smoothies are my go-to, but that's too heavy; soup's perfect." Jim smiled gratefully, glad Leonard wasn't asking for any kind of explanation. "You could still eat the sushi, or at least save it for later? It was pretty good, before my tongue went."

"I'll have the sushi," Leonard agreed, heading over to his fridge and grabbing a cup of noodles to reheat. "You willing to take an anti-allergy hypo to limit the chances of a reaction to the soup, as well?"

"Yeah, that's fine," Jim said, making a face. It'd be harder to notice a reaction now anyway, with his mouth already feeling raw, but that didn't mean he was excited about a hypo. "After I eat I'll grab the stuff from my place and come back? We can try and study a bit more."

"You're welcome to come over and hang out as long as you like," Leonard reassured him, putting the soup in his reheater. Chances were some close contact would be good for Jim - people in preheat were usually more inclined to seek out physical closeness. 

"So long as you tell me if I start to stink up the place," Jim said, only half joking. He'd wash his neck with his scent blocking soap when he was back at his place, just in case. 

"I'll tell you if you're a bother," Leonard promised. 

Jim curled his legs up under him, making himself smaller on the couch as he watched Leonard move around the apartment. "Did you ever think I was—or, um, had omega biology, before I came to you about it?"

The reheater beeped, and Leonard brought Jim's dinner over to the couch and handed it to him. "I picked that something was up with you,” he admitted. “Most people use scent blockers for a reason. But I didn't guess you were transdynamic, no." He settled in close on the couch, wrapping his arm around Jim's shoulders again.

Jim leaned into him automatically, keeping his soup upright as he took a spoonful. "That's good. I spend the most time with you, so if you couldn't tell, others probably couldn't, either." He hummed, the stable presence of someone next to him helping him to relax. "Well, Gaila did, but she only mentioned it once when we were alone together, and promised to keep it a secret for me. I don't think she understands it, but she tries."

Leonard nodded, grabbing a piece of sushi with his free hand. "Orions are even more scent oriented than humans, even with a two-sex system," he commented. "Makes sense she'd be the one to notice."

"And Gaila's wicked smart on top of it." Jim scooped some of the noodles out and put on a casual voice when he was done chewing. "Oh, did I tell you I contacted that therapist you found, Dr. Alvarez?"

"Yeah?" Leonard said, matching Jim's casual tone. "How'd that work out?" God, he hoped it had gone okay. Jim really needed someone to talk to, someone other than him. 

"They got me in right away for a preliminary meeting, and it went pretty well." Jim shrugged. "I think I liked them - they were really good at explaining what the process was going to look like. And it helped knowing that you'd vetted them."

Leonard smiled, trying not to show too much of his relief. "Well, if they don't live up to my recommendation, you can let me know, and I'll pass that around too," he said. "Are you focusing on the trans stuff, or taking a more general approach?"

"I said I wanted to start with just the trans stuff,” Jim replied, “and Dr. Alvarez promised they wouldn't pry about anything else I'd disclosed, unless it seemed to be related. We actually came up with this idea of... sort of like a safeword, I guess, if I needed to take a break from a specific topic." Jim put on a little smile to cover feeling like he'd been oversharing. "It sounds kinda stupid now. But the point is I have another appointment scheduled."

"Doesn't sound stupid to me," Leonard commented mildly. "You're gonna be talking about some tough stuff, sounds like a great idea. Maybe I should do that with some of my patients too."

"I'll let you know how it works," Jim said. He set aside his spoon so he could sip at the rest of the soup, and sighed dramatically. "If I ever have time to see you, anyway. I have no idea how I'm going to fit one more thing into my schedule."

Leonard laughed a little. "I'm sure you'll find a way," he said. "Who else can give you soup, cuddles, and medical advice?"

"I'll have to ask Dr. Alvarez about their policy on cuddles and soup during appointments," Jim grinned. "I bet they'll stab me with fewer hypos."

"The hypos are good for you," Leonard objected, willingly playing his part.

"So you keep saying." Jim rested his head on Leonard's shoulder, turned in toward his neck. It was possible he was feeling a little clingy, he thought to himself. Not like that was a crime. "Thanks for the soup, Bones. And the cuddling, and the medical advice. I'm feeling more grounded already."

"A little cuddling is good for the soul," Leonard murmured, hugging Jim a little closer. "I'm enjoying it too." He paused. "Would it be weird if I offered to pet your hair?"

"Definitely not weird," Jim said easily, resting his head back on Leonard's arm. "I'd love it if you did."

Leonard hummed, reaching up and carding his fingers through Jim's soft blond hair, scratching lightly at his scalp.

Jim's eyes closed, and he hummed, sinking into the feeling. "Are you scary good at reading what I need, or are you actually this good with anyone going through a heat?" he asked, voice light and teasing.

"Little of column A, little of column B," Leonard said quietly. "Heat's a rough time, physiologically, and I have a pretty good sense of what's going on with that. And then in your case specifically, you're not great at asking for what you want, but if you're given an actual choice, sometimes you'll take it. So."

"You definitely know me too well," Jim mumbled, though he couldn't really get mad about being outsmarted like that. He inched closer, dangerously close to being halfway in Bones' lap. "Don't let me fall asleep? I really need to get my suppressants before this gets too bad, so I want to leave in five."

"Alright, Jim," Leonard murmured. "How about we move to your quarters instead of coming back here? That way, if you want to take a nap later, you don't have to worry about going anywhere."

"If you're sure you don't mind moving,” Jim allowed. “I haven't been on just a double dose for a heat in a while, but I should be able to actually get work done." He yawned. "If I can't focus, you could work without me, or come back here."

"I don't mind," Leonard reassured him, giving him one last pat before pulling his hand away. "Come on, up you get. I'll grab that jacket and a blanket for you."

Jim groaned, but sat up. "This is more normal for me, getting tired," he said, moving to the edge of the couch so he could gather the books and PADDs scattered on the table. "Bring your med kit? Just in case I'm miserable and want to up the dose."

"I'll bring it along," Leonard agreed, getting up and stretching. "Hang on a minute." It didn't take him long to gather a bag with everything, slinging it over one shoulder and handing Jim a well-loved (and very soft) jumper. "Try that on," he suggested. "It's baggy enough, it should fit fine."

Jim tugged it on, and was immediately overwhelmed by how much it smelled like Bones. "It fits fine, and it smells perfect," he said, and gathered his things into his arms, already deciding that he'd be keeping it. "Ready?"

"I'm good," Leonard said, glad to see Jim smiling. "Lead the way, kid."

When they got to Jim’s dorm room, he put his stuff down on his desk and retrieved his suppressants from the box locked with his voice print that he kept tucked away in a drawer under his bed. He double checked he had the right bottle, tapped two into his hand, and headed for the shared living area to get some water. "You want a drink?" he asked Leonard on the way.

"I'm good," Leonard said, settling down on the couch and getting out his readings for the week. "If you want to lie down on me for a bit, by the way, I don't have a problem with that."

Jim nodded before he threw back the pills, and slipped into the bathroom to put on a pad just in case he slicked up. He grabbed his PADD and settled on the couch with his head in Leonard's lap. "You sure you're comfortable?" he asked, glancing up at him. "Just shove me off if I fall asleep and you need to get up, okay?"

"I will," Leonard promised, smiling down at him. "Here." He rummaged in his bag and pulled out the blanket he'd brought, spreading it out over Jim. "How's that?"

"Feels like you're actively trying to make me fall asleep, now," Jim said, pulling his arm out from under the blanket so he could still read off his PADD. "It's nice. Cozy. And smells like you."

"You said you'd been tired," Leonard commented. "Mostly, I'm trying to make it easy to sleep, if you want to." He looked like he needed it.

"I know, I know." Jim scrolled through his PADD, and yawned. "Do you have an early shift tomorrow, or will you be able to stick around for a while tonight?"

Leonard smiled at him. "I can be here til at least nine, maybe ten," he said quietly. "Sound good?"

"Whenever," Jim said easily, despite very much wanting him to stay through the night. He rested the bottom of the PADD on his stomach, holding his arm up too much effort. "I might make you scent me again before you go, make sure the double dose is working?"

"I did bring the tricorder," Leonard pointed out, "but sure, we can check the old-fashioned way as well." He ran a hand over Jim's hair. "Comfy down there?"

Jim's cheeks went pink. "We don't have to do it like that. The tricorder's fine." He drummed his fingers lightly on his PADD, not reading anything on the screen, most of his energy going toward not turning his head and nuzzling into Leonard's belly. "Pretty comfy. How're you? Legs falling asleep yet?"

"You're not that heavy," Leonard said, amused. "And unlike the last time someone fell asleep on me, you don't have pointy elbows and knees aimed everywhere."

Jim laughed softly, dropping the PADD facedown on his stomach, where it made a soft thud from the layers of his sweater and blanket. "Glad to hear I'm not that bad. I've never gotten any complaints from the people I've fallen asleep on recently. At least not about pointy elbows or knees."

"Kids are the worst for pointy elbows," Leonard said wistfully. "And chins. Once they get past the chubby infant stage, they are constantly jabbing you with something."

"My cousins used to be like that, though I was all arms and legs back then, too. But they used to climb all over me." Jim smiled softly up at him. "Does it take a while for them to grow out of it?"

Leonard smiled sadly. "Yeah, it takes a while," he confirmed. "Even ten year olds are pretty pointy."

Jim bent his arm to brush Bones' side. "You've got a good few years of pointiness left for Jo. I'll tell her to stab you with an elbow if she ever visits, okay? And I can do that, too, anytime you're missing it."

Leonard let out a startled laugh, shaking his head. "Thanks, kid. I'll pass, for now."

"Oh, anytime. I'm happy to help," Jim teased. "We can avoid kid talk, if you’d prefer. Probably a good thing if we did, since my body's trying its best to convince me I want to be knocked up right now. Don't want to give it any ideas."

Leonard smiled back. "It's okay," he said. "Do you usually get broody?"

"Yep. The higher the dose of suppressants, the broodier I get." Jim gave a little shrug. "It's weird. But it’s not as bad now as it usually gets by this point."

"Well, that's something," Leonard said. "You mentioned once that you used to be curious about being pregnant, when you were younger."

"Yeah, I was big into the idea of having a baby back when I was a kid. I used to put a pillow under my shirt and look in the mirror to see how I'd look and everything.” Jim sighed. “I don't know if that was me being curious or a real desire, but I do know it'd freak me the fuck out to be pregnant, for a bunch of reasons. And dysphoria is right up there at the top of that list."

Leonard nodded. "Interest in pregnancy isn't a gender or dynamic thing, just so you know," he commented. "In case you were wondering."

"Really?" Jim tried to catch Bones' eye while he stretched his legs out a little more, making sure the blanket was still covering his feet. "Were you ever interested? I know you're not a representative of all men and betas, but you got to see a pregnancy up close and personal. Must've thought about it before."

"Little bit," Leonard admitted. "Not much. It's a pretty fucking impressive thing for a body to be able to do, though."

"Mm, it is. Gotta be weird, too, having your body be that foreign to you." Jim rested a hand on his PADD over his stomach, thinking maybe that was more where the dysphoria was coming in. "...See? I'm being broody again. Which is better than being turned on to the point of insanity, but still."

"Still distracting," Leonard agreed. He moved his hand to rest on Jim's shoulder, rubbing gently with his thumb. "Doing okay, though?"

Jim nodded, sighing into the touch, a little more loose lipped than normal from the heat. "I'm as good as I can be, I guess. Your scent helps. I've tried those synthetic alpha pheromones before and they always put me on edge, but your scent's grounding. Stronger than other betas, but in a warm way, not an overpowering one."

Leonard hummed. "I've always tended a little stronger, scent-wise," he admitted. "I'm glad it doesn't bother you."

"Nah, it's nice. Might've bothered me if you were someone else. And you smell like the clinic half the time, anyway." Jim turned his head, nose nearly pressed to Leonard's stomach. "Wonder if I'll have a recognizable beta smell once my meds are all adjusted."

"Scents aren't so clear-cut as people think," Leonard murmured, looking fondly down at him. "There's overlap at the edges. You'll at least pass, I'm pretty confident of that."

"Good. Don't care if I'm completely scent neutral, so long as no one sees me and thinks omega, " Jim said softly. "Can you check my levels without me having to move?"

Leonard snorted. "I'll do my best," he said. "Might be a little tricky, but we'll see." His bag was within reach, at least, so he got the tricorder out and ran it over Jim - from the thighs up, so it didn't get too confused by Jim being in his lap. He took a look at the readings and scrubbed his face. "Looks like you've stabilised," he said. "Not going down yet, but not going up anymore either."

"Everything looks alright, though?" Jim asked, looking up at him. "And it'll start going down soon, right?"

"Everything looks fine," Leonard reassured him. "If we've already been able to stabilise it, then yeah, it should start dropping. You'll be fine, kid."

"Thank fuck." Jim closed his eyes in relief. "Maybe I'll celebrate by throwing out my knotting toy. Shouldn't need that again."

Leonard's lips twitched. "Maybe wait a couple of weeks until you're back on your standard dosage again," he suggested.

Jim pulled a face. "I'll give it two weeks, max. But I'm getting rid of it after that. Barely use it, anyway." He turned his head back into Leonard's stomach, starting to feel sleepy. "I'm buying you a bottle of scotch the second it's in the recycler."

Leonard chuckled. "If you want," he said fondly. "How about you rest for a bit? I'll be right here."

"Mm. I might. You gonna be able to work with me here?" Jim asked around a yawn.

"I'm good," Leonard reassured him. "Go ahead, you're fine."

"Thanks," Jim breathed, letting himself start to drift off.

Chapter Text

Jim let himself into Leonard's dorm, dropping the breakfast he'd picked up on the table on his way to squeeze into Leonard's bed with him. He'd barely been able to sleep the night before, the restlessness of an unsatisfying heat hitting him now, even if it hadn't been as bad as it normally was. "You awake yet?" he asked into the back of Bones' shoulder.

"If the door hadn't woken me, I would be now, you limpet," Leonard grumbled, cracking an eye open. "Your hands are freezing, is your circulation that awful?"

"Probably. They're usually like that," Jim said, unbothered by Bones' grumpiness, as he settled closer. "I got you breakfast and coffee, but you don't have to get up yet."

"Coffee'll get cold," Leonard pointed out, but he didn't move. "You okay, kid?"

"Too bad the technology to reheat something doesn't exist yet," Jim joked, and half shrugged against him. "I couldn't really sleep."

Leonard hummed thoughtfully. "Something bothering you?" 

"Nothing specific. I'm always like this at the end. It's not even that bad, so I don't know what my problem is," Jim huffed, annoyed at himself.

"Physiological, apparently, so it's out of your control," Leonard pointed out. "Like what, exactly? You can’t wind down?" People reacted to heat in all kinds of ways, even if they were using medication to dampen it. 

"Yeah, can’t wind down, anxious. Like I should've spent the last seventy-two hours getting fucked, and didn't, so now everything feels off," Jim said, and grimaced. "It'll go away by tomorrow."

Leonard nodded. "You need a hard workout, a hot bath, and a cuddle session," he said confidently. 

Jim pursed his lips, tamping down the urge to argue that prescription just for the sake of starting a fight. "In that order?"

"I'm not going to kick you out," Leonard said. "But yes, I do recommend all three of those in that order once you get up." The workout would help work off some of the extra energy and release some endorphins, the bath would help his muscles relax, and the cuddling would soothe some of the need for closeness that came with heats.

"...I guess I could go for a run," Jim said after taking a minute to think through his best option—the gym would reek of alpha sweat, and he really wasn't in the mood for that. "And I could come back here after?"

"So long as you wash before you jump back in bed with me, yeah," Leonard conceded. 

"I was planning on using your tub," Jim admitted, shrugging and rolling onto his back, the first step in getting up. "Do you have a shift today?" he asked, as if he hadn't checked Leonard's schedule already.

Leonard was wise to Jim's tricks by now. He rolled over and raised his eyebrows pointedly. "Would you have shown up if I did?"

"Nah. It wouldn't have been worth it." Jim barely bit back a smirk as he looked up at him. "Think an hour-long run will be good enough?"

"Sounds about right," Leonard said dryly. "Off with you, then. Take a water bottle."

"Yes, mother," Jim said, rolling his eyes as he got up. He grabbed a water bottle and left with a wave.

An hour and a half later, he came back. "Hey," he called, letting himself in again, and disposing of the empty water bottle. "Was the bagel good? Coffee warm?"

Leonard looked him over and nodded approvingly. "It was good," he said. "Feeling less jittery?"

Jim smiled, pulling his arm over his brow to wipe away the sweat. "A bit, yeah. Guess you know what you're talking about," he joked, patting Leonard's shoulder as he walked over and leaned against a chair. "Next is that bath, right?"

"Of course I know what I'm talking about," Leonard grumbled, getting a towel and tossing it at him. "Go on, get cleaned up. Take your time, if you want."

Jim caught the towel before it hit him in the face, and made his way into the bathroom. 

He let himself soak until the water turned cold, and came out with a towel around his waist almost an hour later. "I put a pretty big dent in your water credits for the month," he said with a slightly apologetic smile, going to Leonard's dresser to help himself to some clothes.

"That's what happens when you take a bath instead of a shower," Leonard pointed out. He didn’t even bother to comment on Jim stealing his clothes without asking. "Next time I want a bath, I'm coming over to your place."

"You were the one who ordered me into a bath," Jim argued, voice light, "and you said I could take as long as I wanted, so you basically told me I could refresh the water a few times." He pulled on a pair of sweats before letting the towel drop to the floor. "Where's this cuddling happening?"

"You're incorrigible," Leonard said, rolling his eyes. "We're moving to the bed, so you can fit next to me." He grabbed his PADD and settled under the blankets, sitting against the headboard. 

Jim grinned and joined him under the blankets, leaning against him. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"You can ask," Leonard said dryly, wrapping an arm around Jim's shoulders.

Jim pressed his lips together as he tried to think of a good way to phrase his question, and gave up quickly after. "Do you like getting fucked? By your partners, I mean. I wasn't sure if that was a typical beta thing, for a cis male."

Leonard blinked. "...Gimme a minute," he said, trying to work out how to answer that. Whether to answer that. "So, there's heteronormative biases in our society," he said eventually. "That alphas will have relationships with omegas, and that betas will have male-female relationships. Which, obviously, isn't how people always work, but that's seen as the default. You with me so far?"

"I'm following, and I know all that," Jim said, rolling his eyes. "I also know you like men, and that you've been with non-betas in the past, too. But you're welcome to continue."

"Shush, I'm telling a story here," Leonard scolded him gently. "Just because I'm an equal opportunist doesn't mean my early relationships were particularly queer. Yes, when I was at college, I experimented. But, frankly, there a lot of easier ways to have sex as a beta man than to get fucked. So yes, I've tried it, no, I didn't dislike it, but it also wasn't something that bumped to the top of my priority list." He held up a hand to stop Jim talking. " That said , my experience is not the universal experience for beta men. I've known beta guys who strongly preferred bottoming. It varies person to person."

"You could've just said that," Jim said, with a small smile. He rested his head on Leonard's chest, an arm slung loosely around him. "But I get what you're saying. It's weird trying to match the identity to the... physical stuff. A few of the other betas I've talked to online, transdynamic ones, were all really opposed to bottoming at all."

Leonard shrugged, rubbing Jim's shoulder. "Everyone has different connections between their gender, their body, and their sexuality," he said. "Beta's weird, anyway, because we're in the middle. Just about everything is queer when we do it, other than PIV with two betas."

Jim felt a little thrill go through him at being included in that ‘ we’ . "Yeah, that's a good point. Guess that connection's going on the list of things to ask my therapist about," he said, half joking. "It'll be fun to date as a beta, though, when I'm looking and feeling like one more."

"Haven't you already been dating as a beta?" Leonard asked. "Or flirting as one, anyway."

"Well, yeah," Jim said, and shrugged. "Flirting's always easy enough. And I have dated a bit, but... I know size isn't a foolproof indication of dynamic, but people still use it, and there's only so many times you can sleep with someone and find an excuse to keep your pants on. Dating without sex is a little easier, but then it feels like I'm being dishonest, I guess, once I start to get close to someone." He frowned, sure that wasn’t a great thought to have. "I don't know."

Leonard sighed. "I can understand that," he said quietly. 

"At least I've got a reputation of being a really generous lover," Jim joked after a moment of thinking too much about whether he'd tell his next serious partner about his identity. "We're talking saintly, here, Bones." 

Leonard snorted. "I'm sure that makes you popular." Not that Jim needed the help. 

"It's worked so far." Jim grinned. "Are there any unspoken rules about dating as a beta I should know about? Any tips?" 

Leonard hummed thoughtfully. "I guess we're a bit less scent-focused?" he said. "Betas seem a bit more likely to comment on people's appearance than their scent."

"That makes sense," Jim said, nodding against him. "Do you think my scent sensitivity will lessen as I get closer to beta levels of hormones? I haven't noticed any change with that, yet."

"There's a difference between...sensitivity and responsiveness, I guess," Leonard said, shrugging. "People have been studying differences in ability to distinguish scents since at least the twentieth century, and betas pick up just as much. It's the emotional response that changes."

"Never thought about it like that.” Jim tilted his head back to look up at him. "Do betas still have an emotional response when it's their partner's scent? It's probably more tied to feelings for a person than physiology at that point."

"We react," Leonard said, brushing a lock of Jim's hair back from his face. "It just doesn't go straight to the hindbrain. Like visuals are for you, you know? Not so instinctive."

Jim's smile was genuine but small, as he tried to enjoy all this contact now, while he had the excuse of his heat. "Yeah, I get that—and I can't wait until I don't have that instinctive reaction. I still feel that weird prickling on the back of my neck when an alpha walks in a room, even if it is a lot duller now. You don't get that, right?"

"Not unless they're posturing, no," Leonard said. "If they're trying to project it, I notice. Irritates the shit out of me."

"Me too," Jim said, and plopped his head back onto Leonard's chest. "It's the worst. Fucking alphas. I can't imagine ever being with one."

Leonard huffed a laugh. "Some of them are decent," he commented. "I dated an alpha for a little while in college, she was pretty nice. But I'm not you."

"I'm sure some of them are decent, but... yeah, no." Jim nearly shuddered at the thought. "What was it like dating her? You knew she was an alpha going into it?"

"I knew," Leonard said. "She wasn't hiding it, and I do have a nose. It was interesting." She'd caught a bit of flak, and so had he, from a couple of assholes, but that wasn't all that important. "I used to braid her hair sometimes."

"That sounds kinda sweet," Jim admitted. "Still not my scene, but I'm glad it was alright, even with people being dicks about it. Why'd you break up in the end?"

Leonard smiled. "Neither of us were very serious about it, that's all," he said. "We stayed friendly. Last I heard she was heading for one of the colonies."

"Of course you stayed friendly," Jim said with a soft laugh, "you're that kind of gentleman. You've dated an omega before too, haven't you?"

"A few, if you extend your definition of 'dating'," Leonard quipped.

"I've got a very loose definition of dating," Jim said easily. "Who do you prefer dating? In any sense of the word."

Leonard shrugged. "It's not about gender, or dynamics," he said. "It's about the person."

"I'm the same," Jim said with a little hum. "Except for alphas, but, you know. It'd take a lot for me to want to be with one."

"And that's fine," Leonard reassured him. "You like betas and omegas - okay. People have preferences."

"You know, I half expected you to tell me that I'd find an alpha I wanted to bond with one day, when I first told you about all this." Jim chuckled. "I also expected a ton more lecturing."

Leonard rolled his eyes. "I'm old-fashioned, not archaic," he said. "I'm not happy that you were self-medicating, and I'm not happy that you were lying to your doctors, but I catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Getting you medical care is the important part." He was just relieved Jim had told him before he’d ended up in some kind of medical crisis. 

"I like this honey instead of vinegar approach," Jim teased, smiling against him. "I'll try not to lie to you too much anymore, though I can't make your job too easy. Gotta keep you on your toes."

"You really don't," Leonard muttered, carding his fingers through Jim's hair. "There's plenty of nonsense out there that'll do it for you."

"Sure, but it's more fun when I can be fully responsible for your aggravation," Jim said, and sighed, relaxing against him. "If I say I'm feeling better, you're not gonna stop doing that, are you?"

Leonard laughed. "No, I won't stop," he promised. "You're like a cat."

"I almost feel like a cat. Who knows, you scratch behind my ears, I might start purring." Jim let his eyes close, voice softening. "I don't think I've ever been this relaxed before."

Smiling softly, Leonard rubbed his fingers behind Jim's ears for a moment. "I could give you the psychology talk about why I think you're so comfortable, but I'll just say I'm glad you're feeling good."

Jim laughed, and gently shoved at Leonard's hand. "Go back to my hair," he complained. "I can fill the psychology in on my own, probably. And the physiology of being on the comedown from a heat—that probably has to do with it, too, yeah?"

"You're extra sensitive to positive physical contact right now, yeah," Leonard agreed. "And for once, you're getting it in a context you consider safe, without expectations of something you don't want to give."

"Mm. Probably all that. You're safe. You've always been like that for me. Your scent's nice, too. Comfortable. Which maybe isn't a very beta thought, but." Jim shrugged.

Leonard smiled down at him. "You're a beta, so it's a beta thought," he pointed out. "I'm glad I make you feel safe, kid."

"Yeah, you're right," Jim said, and looked up at him, tempted to do something stupid like kiss him, which was probably just the heat talking. He pressed his lips together, and rested his head down again. "I should call that therapist back. Then they can point that out to me, too."

"Sure," Leonard said with a laugh. "Sounds smart to me."

"Of course it does. You're therapy's number one fan," Jim joked. 

"Trust me, there's been plenty of times I haven't gone to therapy when I should've," Leonard muttered. "But it's like any medical treatment: done well, in the appropriate circumstances, it helps, and it's only sensible to take advantage of things that help."

"You, not following your own medical advice about therapy?" Jim asked with a mock gasp. "Are you seeing someone now? …That’s another personal question you don't have to answer."

Leonard chuckled. "I saw someone when I got here, until I had the blatant alcoholism under control,” he said dryly. “I’m not at the moment.”

Jim rubbed his side again. "I probably could've guessed," he admitted. "If you ever wanted to talk about that, you know I'm happy to listen. But I'm glad you saw someone. And it helped?"

"Well, I'm not getting drunk four nights a week.” Leonard shook his head and sighed. "You don't need to worry about me, kid. I'm alright."

Jim chuckled. "Yeah, that's always a good thing. Just let me know if you ever want me to quit drinking around you, or something."

" I haven't even quit drinking around me," Leonard pointed out. "As long as you don't make bar crawls our main way of hanging out, I'm fine."

Jim smiled up at him. "Good thing we're too busy to do that, even if we wanted to. How's everything else been going? The clinic's good? I know you're still acing all your classes, but it's been so much about me between us, lately."

"I'm good, Jim," Leonard said quietly. That was one of the problems with treating people you were close to - it changed the relationship dynamics. "You usually know when I'm slipping before I do."

"You're easy to read. To me, at least," Jim said just as softly back, before he made it lighter, teasing. "Maybe all this physical contact's good for you, too. I might have to make this a regular thing for us."

Leonard chuckled, scritching at Jim's scalp again. "For my sake, huh?"

"Mm. Mmhm," Jim hummed in answer. "You're lucky you've got a friend like me, willing to make such sacrifices."

"Uh-huh," Leonard said dryly. "Look at you, a martyr to my comfort."

"God, there I go being saintly again. That could really give a lesser guy a complex," Jim said with a dramatic sigh. "Lucky for the both of us, I'm so modest."

Leonard raised his eyebrows. "That so?"

Jim hummed again, and looked back up at him with a mock-serious expression. "I can tell you're overwhelmed by how generous I am. Just be glad we're not sleeping together or you'd really be blown away—pun intended."

"Your ego would be insufferable if you took it seriously, you know that?" Leonard commented.

"Good thing I don't take myself too seriously then." Jim winked at him, and rested his head down again. "You do better with someone to take care of. Not that I do it intentionally, or even want it most of the time, but still."

Leonard huffed ruefully, conceding the point. "There's a reason I'm a doctor," he admitted. 

"So, you agree that I really am doing a favor," Jim crowed. "Is that why you became a doctor? Or was that something that came out of you being a doctor?"

"A bit of both," Leonard said thoughtfully. "It's a feedback loop."

"Well I'm glad you did," Jim said easily. "Are you officially my primary yet? I wanna make that switch, if you aren't."

"Yeah, we'd done that before you brought up the issue with the suppressants," Leonard reassured him.

Jim patted his chest. "Good. Couldn't remember if we did it officially or not. There's more survival training next semester, so I'll probably need more treatment. It'll be fun for us both."

Leonard scowled. "You are such a disaster in survival training," he muttered. Jim got this weird edge of...not exactly desperation, but something like it. He attacked the scenario like he was going to have to keep himself and everyone else alive for months, not days. He pushed himself harder, took more risks. 

"I'm not a disaster," Jim said with a huff. "Not only do I have some of the highest scores, I usually bring the average scores of the class up, too, thank you very much."

"I'm talking about you , not your scores," Leonard countered. "Last time it took you three weeks to settle back into your skin."

"The scores are the important part," Jim argued. "'Settling into my skin' is less important than showing the other cadets how they can actually — They don't... The Starfleet guidelines are too black and white sometimes, and the younger cadets have a hard time getting away from protocol."

"Alright Jim, I'll drop it," Leonard said, raising his hands in surrender. "I wish it wasn't so hard on you, that's all."

"It's survival training; it's meant to be hard on everyone," Jim said, his voice forcibly light, knowing that wasn't exactly what Leonard was saying. "I'll comm you when I'm back so you can come check me out."

"Assuming I'm not on the same course," Leonard pointed out.

"I didn't know you had yours coming up," Jim said, tensing a little as he looked up at him. "Do you want to be on my course? I could probably get you in it, if you were worried about it."

"Take a breath, kid," Leonard said, settling his hand on the back of Jim's neck. "I'll be just fine, either way."

Jim relaxed instinctively before he remembered to shrug off Leonard's hand, his skin prickling. "They're not as easy after first year," he warned him. "They tell you you've got more supplies than they actually give you."

"I'll be fine," Leonard said again. "If you want, we can talk about strategies later. Not today."

Jim grimaced, fully aware he was being placated, and peripherally aware that his breath was too quick. "We'll plan later," he agreed, and rubbed a hand over his face as he tried for a deep breath. "You're right, you'll be fine. Even without a medkit."

"I'll be fine," Leonard repeated, stroking Jim's hair. "Sorry for stressing you out, kid."

"It's not you," Jim said, shaking his head as he tried to relax. "It's those courses. The Academy instructors don't prepare the cadets enough, and then they act surprised when these teenagers start dropping out after."

"Maybe some time you can write up what you think they should do instead," Leonard suggested. 

"I talked to Pike about it after the last one. He said I might be able to TA one of the classes if I wanted to," Jim admitted, and half shrugged. "Might not be a great idea, though. I don't know."

Leonard nodded. "Might be something to talk to your psych about, see if they have any ideas," he said carefully. "Even if you don't teach, maybe you could write a guide or something."

"Probably," Jim said slowly, and squeezed the back of his neck himself before pulling his hand away, self-conscious about such an obvious self soothing habit. "...Could you ask before you touch my neck next time I'm on a heat?" he said quickly. "It freaked me out a little when you did."

"Shit, sorry," Leonard said quickly. "Just when you're in heat, or in general?"

"It's worse during the heat," Jim admitted, and squeezed Leonard's hip, feeling guilty already for asking, "but, maybe always? Or at least til my hormone levels are better. I still have a pretty strong reaction to it."

"Of course," Leonard reassured him. "I just...well, I wanted to calm you down a bit, but there's no point making you uncomfortable with how I do it."

"It was instinct," Jim said softly, "and it does help sometimes, if I don't think about it too much. But touching my hair is good. And other physical touch, usually." 

"I'll stick to touching your hair then," Leonard promised. "Thanks for telling me it was an issue."

"Thanks for listening.” To lighten the mood, Jim glanced up at him with a cheeky smile. "I don't think I've ever set boundaries like that with anyone. I think that makes this the healthiest relationship I've ever had," he joked.

Leonard frowned. "Let's see if we can keep up that streak," he suggested. "Beat the record, even."

"You want me to set more boundaries?" Jim asked, yawning through the last few words. "I don't have much that bothers me. I'm easy."

Leonard hummed. "Think of it this way," he suggested. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable, I hate knowing I've done that. By setting boundaries, you're giving me the information I need so I don't do that. It's helpful."

"Guess that makes sense." Jim shifted, pulled the blankets up over them. "Do you have anything? I barge in here pretty regularly—does that bother you?"

"You're pretty decent about not barging in when it's the middle of the night, that's the main thing that'd bother me," Leonard said. "Or if I had someone over, but it's not like that's happened yet." He didn’t imagine it’d happen any time soon, either. He wasn’t exactly drowning in offers.

"If you have anyone over in the near future, and you're not interested in interruptions, you could comm me," Jim said, glad to come up with an easy solution to something, even if it wasn't a real problem yet.

"Better than a sock on the door," Leonard said pragmatically. "Sure, kid, I'll keep that in mind."

"Okay, good. So we've both got something. Any more boundaries you want to draw while we're on the topic?" Jim asked, resting his head on Leonard’s chest again, trying to shake the unsettled feeling.

Leonard shrugged, running a hand over Jim's hair. "Don't try to set me up with people? Don't interfere with any time I get with Joanna?"

"I wouldn't interfere with Jo," Jim said, blowing out a measured breath and untensing some of his muscles. "Can I ask why you don't want to be set up with someone?"

"I'm still a mess from what happened with Jocelyn," Leonard explained. "Better to take it slow."

"Got it." Jim shifted against him. "This isn't... it's not a dynamic-related boundary, but sometimes I don't want to talk about something, and I don't want to talk about why I don't, either. You're pretty good at letting stuff drop when I want to, but, yeah."

Leonard nodded. "I get that," he murmured. "If you tell me something's off-limits for the moment, I'll back off."

"I'll do the same with you, if you ever need it," Jim promised, voice just as soft. "Anything else I can think of is stuff you don't do, or wouldn't do. But I'll tell you if anything else comes up."

"Good," Leonard murmured. "Feeling a bit better?"

"From the heat, yeah. I think I'm probably just about on the other side of it. Doesn't make me want to leave your bed any sooner though," Jim said with a little smile.

"I'm not planning on kicking you out," Leonard reassured him. "Though I will probably grab my PADD and do some studying."

"I probably should do that," Jim said, making a face. "Maybe I'll work from here with you. Or maybe I'll just nap and write off this whole day."

"Take your pick," Leonard said easily. "It's up to you."

"Nap," Jim decided after a quick mental inventory. "I didn't bring my PADD, and if I head back to my place, I won't get anything done, anyway."

"Go ahead, then," Leonard told him. "Is it going to wake you if I need to get up?"

"It might, but it's fine either way," Jim said, starting to shift off of him a bit to give him space to grab his PADD. "Just tell me if you have to leave? It'd be weird to wake up to an empty bed while I'm still off balance."

"I'll wake you if I do," Leonard promised, fetching his PADD, then settling back in. “Come on, get comfortable again.”

Chapter Text

By the end of semester, Leonard was used to Jim showing up at his dorm without warning. It was occasionally annoying, and he usually complained about it, but to be honest, it was nice to have the company. He wasn't sure what Jim's holiday plans were - he hadn't been game to ask - but he'd miss him until term started up again. Campus was going to be a ghost town, and he wouldn't even have hospital hours to distract himself from it. 

Once exams were over, he spent an evening sorting through his study notes and tossing the irrelevant crap, and now he was lying in bed, wishing he could actually fall asleep.

Jim let himself in wearing a cheap party hat and stumbling around as the last few drinks worked themselves out of his system. "It's just me," he said in a loud whisper, bumping into the couch in the dark as he tried to take his shoes off. The party had been fun, but the best part had been the omega guy he'd hooked up with. He shrugged off his coat and the silly hat as his eyes started to adjust. "You awake? Lights, ten percent."

Leonard sat up, swinging his legs out of the bed. "I'm awake," he called out. "You okay?"

"I'm great," Jim said, grinning as he went to get himself a glass of water. "I was at this party, you know Genna M'Chtiri? She's from my Advanced Warp Theory course, the one I mentioned who's second in the class—anyway, she was there and dragged me over to meet this guy she knew, an omega, and we hooked up in the bathroom. But it was— he blew me. It was fucking amazing. And he thought I was a beta."

Leonard snorted, leaning on his bedroom doorframe and watching Jim wander around his living room. "A nice, affirming hook-up, huh?" he teased.

"Ex actly ." Jim chugged half a glass of water as he settled on the couch. He turned his dopey smile toward Bones. "You know how long it's been since I let someone else see my dick?"

Leonard's smile softened. "I'm happy for you," he said quietly. 

"I'm happy for me, too," Jim said with a soft laugh, and tilted his head back on the couch. "You could've come. There's parties most nights, if you wanna go tomorrow?"

"No one wants an old grouch like me showing up at a party," Leonard pointed out, coming over and sitting down so Jim could drape himself over him. (It happened almost every time Jim came over, these days.)

Jim set down his glass and kicked his legs up to rest over Bones' lap. "You could play up the old angle, if you wanted," he told him, only half kidding as he ran a hand through Bones' hair to smooth it down. "The grouch part I'm not as sure about, but maybe some people are into it."

Leonard rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to go to parties to find a hook-up," he said firmly. "That's your thing."

"Then come to parties for the shitty drinks and loud music," Jim said, nudging his knee into Bones' stomach. "There's a whole semester to celebrate being done with."

Leonard pushed Jim's knee back and left his hand there. "A last hurrah before everyone scatters to the four winds for the next month?" he replied. "I'll pass."

Jim shrugged, dragging his knuckles down his chest absently, a habit he'd started picking up ever since his chest had gotten the slightest bit flatter. "Your choice. You heading off soon, too?"

"Where would I go?" Leonard pointed out bleakly. 

Jim propped his head up, elbow on the back of the couch. "Is there not a country farm with your name on the mailbox somewhere in Georgia?"

Leonard snorted. "I don't know what you thought it meant when I said my wife took everything in the divorce," he said, "but my wife took everything in the divorce. "

Jim winced. "I thought you might've been exaggerating," he admitted, though he knew most of the story now. "If it helps, I'll be sticking around campus for the most part, and misery loves company, right?"

"Really not an exaggeration." Leonard sighed, looking up at the ceiling so he didn't have to meet Jim's gaze. "I've got a bit of savings and my medical qualifications, but that's about it. She didn't exactly 'get' my family, but I definitely lost them."

"Screw 'em, we'll have fun around campus on our own," Jim said simply, sliding his hand to Leonard's hair again. "And if you wanted some moral support for a phone call or two, I'll be around."

Leonard huffed, leaning into Jim's hand. "You're sweet," he muttered. "I'm guessing you're gonna be showing up here at all hours now?"

"Considering the fact you've got nothing but your medical qualifications, some savings, and a really cute beta friend, it'd be cruel of me not to." Jim smiled, scratching lightly at his head. "You working a lot of shifts over the break?"

"The assumption is that everyone is on break," Leonard explained. "I've sent a message about getting some hours, but who knows?" Most of their patients were from the Academy, so they didn’t need nearly as many doctors.

"Keep me posted. Maybe we could plan a trip or something. Though I'll try and pick up some hours with Pike, probably," Jim said, thinking out loud. 

"You won't be too busy taking advantage of your new-found ability to have sex with people?" Leonard said skeptically.

Jim laughed. "Not too busy for you, Bones. Besides, there's only so much sex I can have before I need a break."

"And here I thought your enthusiasm was endless," Leonard teased, reaching out to ruffle Jim's hair.

"I'll at least have to hydrate every few hours," Jim joked, tilting his head into Leonard's hand, while giving his hair a little tug. "I can come here for that. Might need a dermal regen, too."

Leonard rolled his eyes. "What, to hide the hickeys?" he guessed.

"HIckeys, scratches, you name it," Jim said, voice going solemn. "Who knows how crazy things will get now?"

"Keep it safe, would you?" Leonard said, rolling his eyes. "I don't want to have to treat you for Corellian Pox."

"As someone who's had their face in a lot of peoples' junk, I'm pretty good about being safe, don't worry." Jim put his hand over Leonard's on his knee. "I doubt I'll be sleeping around as much as I'm imagining. I really do want to hang out with you a bit."

Leonard looked down at their hands, avoiding Jim's gaze. "I'm really not going to be that interesting," he said quietly. "Term breaks aren't my favourite time of year." 

"Why don't we go somewhere, then? There's the Luna Spa facility that should have a holiday package," Jim suggested. "Or we could check out a shuttle from the port and fly somewhere on-planet."

Leonard laughed. "What, did you suggest something on the moon just to check whether I still hate space?" he asked. "You don't want to waste your break taking me on holiday."

"I'm easing you into the idea of space travel," Jim explained with a grin. He got up to get himself more water and to poke his head in the fridge. "Now stop acting like I'd be martyring myself. I'd love to get a massage and sit in a pool of hot mud for a few hours with you there to bitch about how unsanitary mud is."

"You're comfortable with that kind of exposure now?" Leonard asked curiously. Sure, you might keep your underwear on in a spa, but that was still a lot of your body being seen and touched.

"...I'm easing myself into the idea of it," Jim said lightly, grabbing an orange and heading back to the couch. "If I hate it, I'll probably never see the people there again."

"You could ease yourself into it more gently," Leonard pointed out. "You're still shy about m e seeing you shirtless."

Jim grimaced, plopping onto the couch. "Presumably, I'd be covered in mud," he said, peeling his orange with more focus than strictly necessary. "I just want to be comfortable already. Makes sense to... dive in."

"Uh-huh," Leonard said dryly, giving him an unimpressed look. "And what would your therapist say about that?"

"They'd say they're on vacation and to leave them alone, probably," Jim said, offering a piece of the orange to Bones. "We had our last appointment for a few weeks a couple days ago."

Leonard took the orange slice and waited expectantly.

Jim sighed heavily and slumped back, leaning into Bones. "They'd tell me that it's not a race." And that they'd already told him that a few times, probably.

"You build your brain's capacity to deal with shit that makes you anxious by doing shit that makes you a little bit anxious and nothing going wrong," Leonard told him. "You'll get further, faster, with less setbacks, if you stick to baby steps."

Jim popped a slice in his mouth and chewed slowly. "I know," he said finally. "The alcohol probably helped tonight. But I really do look more like a beta now."

"You do," Leonard reassured him. "The difference in secondary sex characteristics from omega to beta male is pretty minor - you already fell within the range of normal variation on that point. Even your scent was plausibly beta on your old medications."

Part of Jim was sure Leonard was just saying that, but he knew it was true. "We're still going on a vacation," he said stubbornly, looking over at him. "I'll just wear a shirt in the mud pool."

"I'm not wedded to the spa idea," Leonard pointed out. "We could go somewhere else." Somewhere Jim wasn’t tempted to push his own limits.

"We don't have to do a spa." Jim shrugged, relaxing as the topic strayed elsewhere. "We could head north, do some traditional winter activities."

Leonard snorted. "You just want to show me how fast you can get a snow-skimmer down a ski slope."

"Maybe," Jim grinned. "And I thought you'd like that suggestion, since I'd be putting more clothes on rather than taking them off." He turned, putting his legs back over Bones' lap. "Where do you want to go?"

Leonard rested his hands on Jim's legs, idly rubbing his ankle. "I don't really care," he admitted. "I'd only be lying around otherwise; may as well let you drag me into whatever nonsense you've got planned."

Jim hummed. "I'll figure something out, then." He reached for his water and had a sip. "Think there's any way Jo would be able to visit? I want to meet her."

Leonard drew in a sharp breath, and his hands tightened unconsciously on Jim's ankle. "...no," he said, once he could control his voice. "There's no way."

Jim frowned. "I don't want to push, but it couldn't hurt to try. You deserve to see her."

"It's got nothing to do with what I 'deserve', kid," Leonard said, pushing Jim's legs off his lap and standing up. "Jocelyn has all the power here, and she'd say no to spite me even if she didn't care otherwise."

"That's bullshit," Jim said, crossing his arms. "And that's not fair to Jo who also deserves to see her dad."

"It's bullshit I have to live with," Leonard snapped. "And I'll have to live with it for the next thirteen years, so forgive me if I'm not interested in rocking the boat."

"It seems worth it to me," Jim said stubbornly, digging his heels in. "You obviously miss your daughter." 

Leonard turned, scowling at him. " Drop it , Jim," he insisted. 

"Don't order me around," Jim snapped back. "But fine, I'll let you wallow instead."

"If you tell me you've got a boundary, I respect that," Leonard pointed out, arms crossed. "You don't get to tell me how to handle my relationship with my daughter and ex-wife."

Jim held up his hand palm out, and reached for his water. "Alright. You're right. I won't bring it up again."

Leonard took a breath and made himself let it out slowly. "...thanks," he said eventually. "It's a sore spot."

"Hadn't noticed," Jim said dryly after a sip of water. "It's just... difficult to believe that she'd keep you from seeing your kid, knowing how good of a dad you'd be to her. She's so— you know that Klingon phrase that translates to something like, 'you're a dishonorable wretch'? That's your ex."

Leonard snorted a laugh, scrubbing a hand over his face. "Don't try to make her decisions make sense like she's a reasonable person," he advised. "It'll only piss you off more."

"I got that." Jim got up to clean up the orange peel and the glass. He wanted to harp on the issue, suggest something else, but decided to give himself time to think of solutions Bones might not shoot down. "...So, I guess Georgia is out for a vacation destination."

"Yeah, not Georgia," Leonard agreed wearily. "Just pick somewhere you like, that isn't space."

"Everything's space, if you want to get technical," Jim pointed out. He shrugged off his leather jacket and started on his jeans, heading to Leonard's bed.

"Something that doesn't require leaving atmosphere, then," Leonard replied, following him to the bedroom. At this point he was used to Jim showing up to share a bed with him. "You'd better have cleaned up properly if you're planning to get straight in with me," he warned.

"I don't have alcohol on me," Jim said slowly, pulling some of his shirt to his nose to smell. "Shouldn't be any bodily fluids, either."

"Guess that'll do," Leonard muttered, getting into bed and holding the covers up for Jim. "Get in, then."

Jim climbed in when he was down to his underwear and shirt, and rolled to face Bones, throwing an arm around him. "Maybe I'll take my shirt off tomorrow morning."

"There's no rush," Leonard told him. "Maybe you should keep it on, instead of intimidating me with your abs."

Jim snorted and tucked his face against Leonard's chest. "As if you're not just as toned as I am. I've seen you."

"I exercise because I have to," Leonard replied, cuddling him close automatically. "You do it for fun."

Jim shrugged one shoulder. "It's also healthier than other outlets, I've been told." It also kept him looking like he wanted to, kept some otherwise soft spots muscular.

Leonard hmphed, but it was true. "Well, if we're going to go on holiday together, I expect you to spend at least some time being lazy with me."

"I'll consider it," Jim said, and brushed his cheek against Leonard's chest. It was a bit of an omega move, but it was nice sometimes, and he knew it wouldn't make Bones think him any less of a beta. "Could also get you to go for a run with me."

"That would take a lot of bribery," Leonard said drily, combing his fingers through Jim's hair to scritch at his scalp.

"I'll figure it out," Jim mumbled through a yawn. "You're not hard to bribe."

Leonard snorted. "That's because I like you," he pointed out. "You have an advantage."

"Exactly why you're so easy," Jim teased. He tapped his hand against Leonard's back. "I could find you some cute local, wherever we go. That might make you more likely to work out."

"For a holiday fling?" Leonard shook his head. "Nah."

Jim chuckled. "Fair enough. I could still find you a holiday fling, if you wanted an easy, no strings attached kind of night."

"I'm not really a casual sex guy," Leonard demurred.

"Oh, I am." Jim's grin was softened by how tired he was. "Even more so, now. I'm gonna have so much casual sex. So you let me know if you decide to start slutting around a bit and I can help hook you up."

Leonard shook his head with a rueful smile. "Well I'm glad I played a part in facilitating your journey of sexual exploration," he said dryly. "Go to sleep , Jim. It'll help you stay young and pretty."

Jim laughed softly. "Me too. Night, Bones."

Chapter Text

Jim was laughing as he opened the door to the cabin, his shirt soaked from the snow that had gotten in under his coat. "God, I haven't gone sledding in ages," he said, kicking his boots in the doorway to get the snow off before pulling them off. He started peeling off his coat next. "It was more fun than I remembered. I might put on a fire? Should help us dry off."

"Get changed first ," Leonard said, shivering as he took off his own coat. He didn't regret letting Jim pick a holiday to the snow, but he wasn't a fan of being cold. "Go on, shoo." While Jim changed, he stripped off his own outer layers and ducked into the kitchen to start a pot of cider heating. He needed to warm up inside and out after all that.

Jim trudged off to one of the two small bedrooms, and changed into a sweater he'd stolen from Bones a few months ago, sweats, and a dry pair of socks. He came back out and hummed at the scent of apple that greeted him on the way to the electric fireplace in the living room. "What're you making?"

"Spiced cider," Leonard said, ruffling Jim's hair - then making a face at how cold and wet it was. "For Christ's sake, get a towel, kid. And keep an eye on that while I change?" The cider would take a bit to warm up anyway.

Jim grinned and swatted his hand away. "I like my hair wet and cold," he joked, eyeing the stove. "I'll watch it. I don't have to do anything, just leave it?"

"Yell if it starts boiling," Leonard told him, then ducked into his room to change his outer layers.

Jim gave the cider a quick look, then started fiddling with the fireplace remote. "You wanna grab me a towel?" he called, once the room started warming up.

Leonard emerged from the bedroom wearing two sweaters and a dressing gown, and tossed a towel at Jim's head. "There," he said. 

Jim caught it, and then caught sight of him and laughed. "That's a good look on you," he teased, scrubbing the towel over his hair. "You really that cold?"

"It snows about three days a year where I grew up," Leonard grumbled, going back to the kitchen to check on the cider. The space was starting to smell like spices as well as apples, which was a good sign. 

"You said I could pick the vacation," Jim reminded him, putting the towel over his shoulder and turning the fire up a notch to make the place warmer. He came back to the kitchen. "Did you replicate that cold?"

Leonard scoffed. "You think I replicated the cider?" he said. "I told you I was going shopping when we were in town yesterday, what did you think I was buying?"

"More sweaters?" Jim teased, plucking at the back of one Bones had on. 

Leonard rolled his eyes. "I went grocery shopping," he said. "We have an actual kitchen here. With an oven . Of course I went grocery shopping."

"I know you got groceries," Jim said, hanging his towel over the back of a chair. "I just didn't realize you like to actually... cook. If making cider is considered cooking."

"If there's enough steps to need a recipe, it's cooking," Leonard replied, giving the pot a stir. 

Jim leaned against the counter, watching him. "I don't have much patience for cooking. It's easier to order out or replicate something, in my opinion."

"Easier, yes," Leonard allowed, retrieving a bottle of bourbon he'd hidden in one of the cupboards. "But is it as satisfying?" 

"Personally, I think so. But if you want to preach the merits of delayed gratification, I am curious to hear what you have to say," Jim teased, nudging his shoulder and getting a spoon to taste the cider so far.

"Ah-ah-ah," Leonard scolded, blocking him from the stove. "You can wait five minutes, kid, Jesus. You're like my four-year-old nephew."

Jim was going to argue but gave Leonard a curious look instead. "I didn't know you had a nephew."

Leonard snorted. "I have three," he said. "My youngest sister has a four-year old and a two year-old, and my middle sister has eight-year old twins - a boy and a girl."

"I thought you just had one sister," Jim admitted. He whistled. "Four nieces and nephews. Do you keep in touch with them all?"

Leonard hid his face in a cupboard, busying himself with fetching mugs for them both and pouring a generous splash of bourbon into each one. "Not really," he said. "Not since I left."

"Was Jocelyn close with your family?" Jim guessed, voice sympathetic as he reached for one of the mugs to taste the bourbon before the cider.

Leonard blocked his hand again. "Not everything I've fucked up is about Jocelyn," he muttered.

"She's fun to blame, though," Jim joked, but he dropped his hand and that part of the topic, and went to get himself a glass of water, instead. "I always imagined that you were the oldest. You have such older brother ways about you. How much older is your sister?"

"No, she's the middle sister," Leonard corrected him, glad for the change of subject. "It's me, then Abby - she's two years younger - and then a three year gap before Lilah."

"Ah. So I was right, you are the oldest," Jim concluded, and offered his glass to Leonard to have a sip. "Were you three close?"

"Yeah," Leonard said quietly. "Me and Abby were closest, being similar in age. Until I went to university, then she and Lilah joined forces."

"I always thought my brother and I would get closer as we got older, but that didn't really happen with us, either," Jim said with a shrug, watching Leonard while doing his best to not act like he was watching him. "Are Jo and your nephew close? They're about the same age, aren't they?"

"I wasn't really up for organising playdates when Jo was young," Leonard said. The cider was ready, so he ladled it out into the mugs and handed one to Jim. "Don't burn your tongue," he warned.

"Cheers," Jim said, and tapped their mugs together before blowing on it and taking a small sip. He moaned appreciatively. "Fuck, that's really good."

"McCoy family recipe," Leonard said smugly. "The kids don't get the bourbon, though."

Jim snorted. "I figured," he said before taking another small sip. Between the stove and the fireplace the cabin was getting comfortably warm now. He started toward the couch and gestured for Bones to follow him. "Your mom teach you this recipe?"

Leonard closed his eyes briefly, taking a breath to steady himself. " McCoy family," he said. "Dad taught me."

Jim tugged him to the couch with a hand on his arm. "Bad memories there?" he asked gently.

"Good memories," Leonard said quietly, sitting down and taking a sip of his cider. "Just...good memories of someone who's gone."

Jim took a sip of his cider. "I can understand that," he said softly. "Tell me about him?"

Whenever Leonard thought of his dad, he found himself thinking of the end - depressed, in pain, too long drawn out and not drawn out enough. That wasn't what Jim wanted to know, though. "He was a doctor - family medicine and obstetrics. He spent a lot of time on call, we all got used to him missing dinner unexpectedly."

"Is that why you became a doctor?" Jim asked with a warm smile. 

Leonard hummed. "I wanted to help people," he said. "Dad always came home with these stories...people needed him. Humans, what makes us able to survive as a species, is that we help each other."

Jim had more of his cider, getting lost in his own memories for a moment. "Was he still alive by the time you started med school?" he asked. "He must've been proud."

Leonard drew in a sharp breath. It was his own damn fault for not telling Jim anything sooner. "He only died a few months before I left Georgia," he said gruffly.

Jim made an understanding sound, fingers curling around his mug. "If you don't want to talk about it, it's alright."

Leonard shook his head, staring at the floor.

Jim slid a hand through Leonard's hair, giving him a moment. "Did you cheat your sisters out of their inheritance?" he asked, obviously joking considering how Bones was hardly rolling in credits. 

Leonard snorted. More like the opposite, really. "Where the hell'd you get that idea?" He said, his voice raw.

"Just trying to think of something you'd feel guilty about and wouldn't want to tell me," Jim said with an easy shrug. It was obvious that something had happened. "Whatever it was, it doesn't matter to me." 

"Don't," Leonard said, taking a too-hot mouthful of cider.

"I'll leave it," Jim promised, "but I mean that. It doesn't matter to me." He went quiet again, smoothing through Bones' hair absently as he took another sip of his cider.

It was easy to say that when you didn't know , Leonard thought. He didn't say so.

Jim nudged him gently. "At least my dad died before I had the chance to disappoint him," he joked, changing the subject. "Did I ever tell you about my brother Sam?"

"No, I don't think you have," Leonard replied, gratefully accepting the change of subject.

"He was such a goody two shoes. Probably why I became like this, since someone had to do it," Jim said, pausing for a sip of his cider and to stare into the mug. "Anyway, he died. But he always wanted kids. That's, uh, not much of a story I guess. Sorry."

"It's fine," Leonard reassured him. "How much older was he?"

"Almost three years. We were never close, but we were always really different. He was an alpha and took the job as Kirk Alpha too seriously," Jim said, rolling his eyes. 

"Protective?" Leonard guessed.

"Mm, yeah. But he didn't... he wasn't good at it. He bought into the traditional shit too much. If he wasn't always posturing, you'd've thought he was an omega." Jim shifted. "We'd gotten in a fight. Last thing I said to him before everything went to shit was something about him not even being enough of an alpha or something." 

Leonard wrapped an arm around Jim, hugging him against his side. "That's tough," he murmured. 

Jim had a long sip of his cider, tempted to get more bourbon. He leaned into Leonard's side easily. "Point is, you're not the only one with fuck-ups."

It wasn't the same, but Leonard wasn't going to push. "Thanks, kid," he said gruffly. "You're sweet."

"Sure. You want more bourbon?" Jim asked, starting to stand. "I could grab the bottle."

Leonard was tempted, but he made himself shake his head. "Better to save it," he said. "We should get some kinda food started, you must be starving after all that running around earlier."

Jim shrugged, feeling stiff. "I could go either way," he said, glancing in his empty mug. "You got something at the grocery store?"

"A few things," Leonard replied, following him to the kitchen. "Some baking ingredients, fresh bread, some meat and vegetables. Stick your head in the cooler and grab something that looks good, if you want."

Jim put his mug on the counter, a low wave of nausea hitting him. "Can you pick something for me? I don't care what."

Leonard glanced at him sideways, but nodded. "I'll start a shepherd's pie," he decided. "It'll take me a while, though - could you cut some thick slices of bread? I'll warm 'em in the oven and we can have a bread and butter snack while we wait."

"Sounds great," Jim said, glad to have a task. He grabbed the bread and started looking for a serrated knife. "I'll have to get that cider recipe from you."

"It's not hard," Leonard told him, getting out a chopping board and some potatoes. "If I'd had whole spices I wouldn't've even needed the bag. You just put them in and simmer."

"Yeah?" Jim started to slice the bread carefully, working to be mindful about it. Something his therapist had suggested. "I never realized it was so easy."

"There's a reason I don't replicate it, though," Leonard commented. Potatoes chopped and boiling, he set the oven to heat and started on the other ingredients. "When you simmer it yourself, the smell fills up the house, and that's as soothing as actually drinking it." It smelled like Christmas with his family.

Jim took a deep breath in through his nose. "Mm. Our cabin's going to smell nice for the next few days," he agreed. "Is that another trick you learned from the McCoy clan?"

Leonard glanced at him with a smile. "I don't know if anyone ever said it out loud, but that's where I learned it." He put a tray on the counter and nodded at it. "Put the bread slices on there? Oven's still heating, but it'll be enough to warm the bread if we give it some time."

"Sure," Jim said, putting a few slices in the oven, careful of the rack and the heated door. "Lucky for me that you're not celebrating with any of them and I get to learn these tricks now, too."

Leonard looked down at the pan while he composed himself, then said, determinedly cheerful, "We're making cookies tomorrow, then. If I'm teaching you family recipes."

"I won't say no to some cookies," Jim said, carefully packing up the rest of the loaf to keep it fresh. "Are we replicating the dough, or making that from scratch, too?"

"Are we replicating the dough," Leonard scoffed. "Of course we're making it fresh! And the frosting."

"Next you'll be telling me we're growing the wheat for the flour and tracking down a hen to lay us an egg," Jim joked, leaning closer to watch the pan. "Should I take the shuttle to get us some sugarcane seeds?"

"You'll have fun," Leonard said firmly. "If you've never done Christmas baking before, it's time you tried." 

"I baked bread once or twice." Jim grabbed the butter from the fridge, glad Bones had thought to get some. "Haven't done the Christmas baking thing, though. We didn't do too much to celebrate, growing up."

Leonard shrugged, pouring the lamb into the skillet to cook with the vegetables. "It's not a universal holiday," he said. "Plenty of people with Christian heritage don't bother."

"It always seemed fun, though, the big family celebrating together thing." Jim leaned on the counter, watching him cook. "But we were never religious"

"I don't know that the McCoys are that religious either," Leonard admitted. "Only times I've been in church were for weddings and funerals. But it'd be fair to say we're culturally Christian."

Jim mulled that over. "I'd say my upbringing was culturally secular, more than anything. But other than the stereotypical sort of celebrations you'll see on a holo, I never felt I was missing out. Though I did go to church on Christmas once when I was a kid. I just remember thinking that the woman next to me kept singing out of tune."

Leonard laughed. "Yeah, any gathering where folks are singing there's gonna be some like that," he agreed. The skillet was ready to simmer for a bit, so he put a lid on it and opened the oven to check on the bread. "Looks good enough to me," he decided, grabbing the tray with a tea-towel and tipping the bread off it onto the chopping board.

Jim chuckled and handed him the butter and a knife. "Here, I don't know how much you want," he told him, reaching for one of the slices to tear a little bit off and pop it into his mouth with a hum. "It's perfect, a little crunchy and still soft."

Leonard gave him a smug smile, buttering his own slice. "Buttered toast is a damn simple meal, but a damn good one too," he said. "Works for just about every occasion."

"Mm," Jim said, trying to focus on how much he was enjoying it. Mindfulness, or whatever. "Buttered bread might just be my favorite meal."

"Sounds like I picked well then," Leonard commented, enjoying his own slice. 

"You did," Jim said, and had another bite while he looked over in the pan. "How much longer does this all take to cook? You have to assemble it too, don't you?"

"Once the potatoes are soft I can mash them, that'll take me five minutes or so," Leonard explained, "and then I'm going to layer the whole thing in some small dishes and put them in the oven for...fifteen minutes, maybe. Until the tops get brown." Smaller dishes meant they cooked faster, but he wasn't sure exactly how fast.

"You learned how to cook like this from your family, too?" Jim asked, impressed and letting that leak into his voice.

"I liked home-making stuff," Leonard admitted. "Well, not cleaning. But cooking and caretaking, that I liked."

Jim snorted. "You'd make a great omega," he said wryly. "You seem actually good at that stuff."

"I think I make a good beta," Leonard replied mildly. Home-making wasn’t inherently associated with any dynamic, that was just cultural bullshit.

"You're not half bad." Jim moved closer, nudged his shoulder. "Did you ever get the chance to do the homemaking thing with your ex, or were you too busy doctoring?"

Leonard scowled. "Sometimes," he admitted. "Early on. Not later."

Jim frowned, berating himself for bringing her up, but also not quite able to let it go. "Sounds like it was her own fault that you didn't, later on. And her loss, too."

Leonard shook his head, turning away to poke at the potatoes. "Can you look and see if we've got anything like a potato masher?" If his voice was a little choked up, that was no-one's business. "I can make do with a slotted spoon if I have to."

"I don't know that I know what a potato masher looks like," Jim lied, blowing out an exaggerated breath as he started to look for one. "Why not a fork?"

"Bigger surface area is faster," Leonard explained. "I'll use a fork if I have to."

Jim dug around for a little longer, and found one at the bottom of the drawer. He handed it to Leonard and leaned against the counter again, picking at his bread. "We should do this every year," he decided, grabbing a little bit more cider for himself, going heavy on the bourbon. "Come here."

"You like my cooking that much?" Leonard joked, applying himself to mashing the potatoes so he didn't have to look Jim in the eye.

"Maybe I should wait to book this place until I eat the shepherd's pie," Jim joked, eyeing the bottle and adding just a drop more to his mug. He took a long sip, smacked his lips. "Worth it for the cider, though. Even if the rest is bad."

Leonard rolled his eyes. "You like my cooking well enough back on campus, and I've only got half a kitchen there."

"Mm, maybe," Jim replied, sidling closer to Bones and offering his mug, avoiding his mashing arm carefully. "You've also got a full medkit in case you accidentally poison me. Want more?"

Leonard decided not to comment on how sweet it was for Jim to share his cider and took a quick sip, raising his eyebrows at the amount of bourbon he could taste. "You've been topping that up from the bottle instead of the pot."

Jim shrugged, dipping a finger into the pot of semi-mashed potatoes and swiping some in exchange. "I didn't want to waste the cider."

"How is it a waste to drink something meant to be drunk?" Leonard said incredulously. "I can make more with replicator ingredients, if we run out of what I bought."

"You were the one who was cursing me out for even suggesting we use the replicator," Jim said, taking the mug back as he tasted the potatoes. "You made it. You should have more of it."

"I will," Leonard promised. " After I get this in the oven."

Jim had more of the drink and stepped back a little to let Bones get back to it, other hand raised innocently. "You wanna play cards while it cooks?" 

"Sure," Leonard agreed, passing Jim the potato masher. "Put that in the dishwasher while I get all this in the oven."

Jim did, watching him get it all together and into the oven, shifting his weight, trying to decide if he wanted to get actually drunk, or let himself slow to sober. 

Leonard closed the oven and turned to look at Jim consideringly. "...You said we were going to play cards?"

"I did," Jim said, and stretched, starting toward his room. "I think I brought some, let me grab them. You pick what game you wanna play."

"It'd serve you right if I picked something ridiculous!" Leonard called after him.

By the end of the night, Jim had his legs over Leonard's lap, head on his shoulder, the nearly empty bourbon bottle, empty mugs, and forgotten cards scattered across the coffee table. He was currently feeling loose and easy, drifting through thoughts about how Leonard had a nicer scent than other betas, and wasn't scent such a weird thing? Especially for him, and he wondered what his own scent was like, and how it'd change, if it'd mellow out more the longer he was on the meds—then the train of thought was cut off with a yawn. "What time's it?" he mumbled.

"Hell if -" Leonard yawned too. "- if I know. 'S late, anyway."

Jim breathed in the warm, homey smell of him one more time. Or maybe that was the cider. "Should get to bed," he said slowly, reluctantly. "Hope my room's not too cold."

A pang went through Leonard, misery blooming in his scent at the reminder he'd be going to bed alone. "We should've made hot water bottles," he said gruffly, trying to cover it up.

Jim's nose wrinkled and he lifted his head at the abrupt change, looking over at Leonard. "What's wrong with you?"

Leonard should have said 'nothing'. But right now, he was - fuck it, he was tired and half-drunk and the cabin smelled like home and going to bed alone felt like the worst thing in the world. So he didn't say anything.

Jim frowned and dropped his head back to Bones' shoulder. "Now you're quiet again," he grumbled, plucking a crumb off Leonard’s sweater.

It was easier when Leonard didn't have to look at him. Easier to swallow around the lump in his throat and admit, "I'm tired of being alone."

Jim stilled, then patted Leonard's chest. "....I'm right here," he said (after picking through his bourbony thoughts to find the right words). "Not goin' anywhere."

Leonard snorted. As if Jim would stay, long term. He'd leave, and leave him behind.

Jim stroked through Bones' hair, which was always softer than he expected it to be. "Gotta get my meds from you. Remember? So I can't leave. But I don't want to."

"I'm not holding your medication hostage!" Leonard objected, jerking upright and nearly tipping Jim off his lap.

Jim had to grab onto the back of the couch, legs sliding off Bones' lap, and he pulled away. "Jesus, I'm kidding," he said, rolling his eyes. "I could punch you in the stomach every time I saw you and you'd give 'em to me still, I'm not worried."

"Asshole," Leonard muttered, his heart-rate starting to slow again. "Don't joke about that shit."

"Thought you'd knew I was joking," Jim said with a little huff, scooting closer. "I choose to be around you because you calling me an asshole gets me going. And because of your food. Not my drugs."

Leonard pushed him away and stood up. "I'm going to bed," he declared.

Jim scowled, his chest tightening. "Fine. Goodnight."

Stiff and defiant, Leonard walked away, and even took a shower before getting into his cold, empty bed. 

Jim retreated to his own room, shutting the door behind him, but though he went to bed, he couldn’t sleep. He got out a book and tried reading instead, but he couldn’t focus on that either. The noises from the shower had stopped, and with Bones’ bedroom door closed, the cabin was quiet, any noises from outside it muffled by the snow.

He managed to stick it out for another half an hour before he gave up, quietly sneaking into Bones’ room and slipping under the covers, ignoring Bones to the best of his ability while also climbing into his bed. 

Leonard, already asleep, only half-woke when Jim arrived, and snuggled up to him with a happy sound.

Jim, too, cuddled close, finally relaxing, and fell asleep almost immediately, tangled in Bones' arms. 

The next morning, Leonard woke first, a little hungover but oddly comfortable otherwise. When he realised that after all that, Jim had still come to bed with him, he had to squeeze his eyes shut against sudden tears.

Jim woke slowly a few minutes later, feeling the bed shift. He scooted closer, pressing his face into the warm body next to him. "Mm?"

"...I don't deserve you," Leonard said hoarsely. His face was wet now, and he hid it against Jim's hair. "Sorry I'm such a grumpy bastard." 

Jim resettled himself, yawning as he hugged Leonard around the waist. "Shouldn't've joked so much, I knew you were upset." he admitted, voice sounding as half-asleep as he was.

"I wouldn't do that," Leonard insisted. "I wouldn't. Friends, family, I'm always a doctor first." Even when it killed him.

"I know ," Jim promised, ducking his head a little more. "I know. It's why I trust you. You'll do what you think is best, even if it pisses me off."

"If you ever think I'm not treating you objectively anymore, you find another doctor , okay?" Leonard demanded. He scrubbed a hand over his face, wiping away the tears. "Christ. Why'd you come to bed when you were pissed at me, anyway?"

"If you start sucking at being objective - which I don't think is going to happen - I'll find a new one," Jim reassured him, pushing himself up a little to roll onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. "I couldn't sleep? I don't know."

"Well," Leonard said gruffly, "thanks. You make a good hot water bottle."

Jim chuckled and rubbed at his face a little. "You make a good body pillow," he said, and knocked his foot against Bones' under the covers. "...I fall asleep easier with you."

After a long moment, Leonard made himself admit, "I sleep better with you, too."

"Okay," Jim said, and turned his head to glance at him before looking away. "I'll remember that the next time you complain about it."

Leonard sniffed, wiping his face again. "You're such an ass sometimes."

Jim rolled back over, half on top of Bones. "You usually know what I mean to say, right?"

"I can usually tell when you're fucking around, yeah," Leonard admitted.

Jim let out a breath, tucking his face against him. "You okay?" he asked softly. 

It was a fair question. He probably didn't smell okay. "I lost my family over that," Leonard admitted. "Treating my dad, and them thinking I should've done it different."

Jim frowned, but didn't look up at him. "They're all idiots, then. I know you. I know you did what you thought was best."

"I killed my damn father," Leonard said savagely. 

Shit. Jim thought fast, trying to piece together the story. "...He was already dying, wasn't he?" he guessed. "It wasn't your fault if your treatment recommendations didn't work."

Leonard rolled over, dislodging him. He didn’t deserve to be held like this. "You don't know that."

Jim sat up, watching him carefully. "I guess I don't. But I am serious about knowing you as a doctor and a person."

Leonard let out a shuddering breath. "I euthanized him, Jim," he confessed.

Jim had already opened his mouth to reply when the words finally hit him. "God, Bones, I'm— I'm so sorry," he said quietly. "I can't... I can't even imagine… having to make that call."

"He did," Leonard said, wiping fresh tears away. "He was...he was clear to the end. Just...in a lot of pain. He made the call. He was just..."

Jim reached out, resting his hand on Bones' side. "If he made the call, then you know it was what he wanted. You know you were helping him to... to die on his terms," he said as firmly as he could while still gentling his voice. 

"I made him wait," Leonard admitted. "I thought...if he just gave me enough time..."

Jim lay back down, slipping his arm around Leonard and holding him, staying quiet to let him keep talking if he wanted to.

"He was in pain for weeks longer than he had to be, because I couldn't let him go," Leonard admitted hoarsely. "I thought I could find a cure. Of course I couldn't find a cure." 

"You're a good doctor, Bones. But you're not a miracle worker," Jim murmured. "Your family... they were mad at you for not euthanizing him sooner?"

Leonard shook his head. "A month after..." He trailed off, then made himself keep going. "There was a breakthrough on Rigel IV. Not a cure, but..."

Jim winced, but shook his head. "You couldn't have known. And you were still doing what he wanted, even if it was late."

"Yeah, well, my family don't think that way," Leonard muttered. 

"Then they're all idiots," Jim said again, even more sure this time. "To still be mad about that now is bullshit."

"It wasn't that long ago," Leonard pointed out - but god, it helped, having Jim say all this. "Just a couple months before the divorce."

A few things clicked into place and Jim pressed his forehead against the back of Leonard's head. "Maybe they just need more time, then," he said, instead of asking about Jocelyn again like he wanted to.

Leonard pressed back against him, letting himself accept the comfort he hadn't gotten so openly since... well, since before his father died.

Jim rubbed at his chest, breathing in the scent of him. "You have me," he said after what could have been seconds or hours. "I'm not going anywhere. No matter what."

Weirdly enough, Leonard actually believed him. "Thanks, kid," he said roughly.

Jim pressed a soft kiss to the back of his head. It might've been a little weird, not quite something they did, but it felt right in the moment. "This is why I'm gonna get you placed in piloting for starship officers next semester, instead of the planet-side piloting course they've got you in now," he told him with a small smile. "You're not getting rid of me."

Leonard let out a wet kind of laugh. "If that's the perks this friendship gets me, maybe I'm having second thoughts," he joked.

"I could offer other perks, but you'd tell me to fuck off," Jim teased him, laughing too. "Your real perks are getting to mother hen someone to your heart's content, and obviously gaining a friend gracious enough to let you win at poker."

"Bullshit you let me win last night," Leonard objected, without any particular heat. "And you're not sucking my dick while I'm the one signing off on your prescriptions."

"That's my story and I'm sticking to it," Jim said cheerfully, "and who said I'd be sucking your dick? I was offering you the opportunity to suck mine."

Leonard snorted, rolling over and raising his eyebrows at Jim. "I don't suck dicks recreationally that I might have to examine professionally," he said dryly.

"That is the least sexiest thing anyone's ever said to me." Jim complained. He flopped onto his back. "If you ever do have to examine it professionally, you're gonna be kicking yourself. Alviamon works wonders."

"Good for you," Leonard told him, trying not to laugh. "I'm sure all the other betas you meet next time you go to a bar will be very appreciative."

"Good for them, really," Jim said, looking at him as seriously as he could manage. "It won't be every day they'll get to be in the presence of such a life changing dick. Don't ever let it be said I'm not an altruist."

" 'Altruist'?" Leonard echoed back at him. "Is that even a word?"

"Maybe I should enroll you in a Standard Language for beginners class, too," Jim teased, and then considered. "'Altruist'... altru— well now it doesn't sound like a word. Or maybe I'm more hungover than I thought."

"Oh, I can see how you formed it," Leonard said, pushing himself upwards with a groan. "It's just a back-asswards formation that doesn't actually exist. C'mon, you need breakfast."

"I need to brush my teeth. And to shower." Jim opened his mouth a few times, making a face at the taste there. "You get it ready? I'll be quick."

"Alternatively, I shower first and then cook breakfast," Leonard replied, opening the drawer where he'd dumped his underwear and grabbing a fresh pair of boxers. "I'll pass your toothbrush out, you can do your teeth in the kitchen sink."

"Alternatively,” Jim countered, getting up, “ I shower first and brush my teeth in there to save time, and then come out and have breakfast all freshly made for me.”

"Alternatively, I have a head start," Leonard taunted him, darting out of the bedroom at a run.

"You— hey!" Jim shouted, taking off after him. 

The corridor was fucking cold, and Leonard swore as he ran, reaching the bathroom just in time to shut the door in Jim's face. "Early bird gets the first hot water!" he called out, locking the door and turning on the heat lamps. 

Jim nearly slammed into the door and banged his hand against it a few times, grinning despite himself. "I'm gonna go drink all the unreplicated coffee," he called. "If you give me my toothbrush, I'll reconsider."

Leonard narrowed his eyes at the door, weighing up whether Jim was trying to trick him. "If you try to force the door when I do, you can make your own damn breakfast," he warned. 

Jim weighed up whether or not Leonard actually meant that, and whether or not it was worth it. "...I agree to those terms," he said finally, deciding he'd let Bones have this one, especially since it included a homemade meal for him. 

The door opened a crack, and a hand emerged, holding Jim's toothbrush and toothpaste. 

"I'm still drinking all the coffee," Jim told him, grabbing his toothbrush and toothpaste sullenly. "And I'm stealing a sweater."

Leonard rolled his eyes, closing the door again and starting the shower. Jim didn't have the bladder capacity to drink all the coffee unless he made the most unpalatable beverage known to human tastebuds. And he stole sweaters anyway.

Jim put the coffee maker on while he did his teeth in the kitchen sink, and then stole one of Bones' sweaters, just to prove that he did what he said he was gonna do—even if he was just getting it dirty before his shower in another ten minutes. He managed half a cup of spite drinking coffee before slowing down - it was good coffee, and he wanted to save most of it for Bones, anyway.

Leonard brushed his teeth while the water was heating and kept his shower quick, rather than test Jim's patience and see what revenge he came up with. He emerged feeling a lot more human, and went out to the kitchen to scrub a hand through Jim's hair (and eye his coffee cup) before nodding towards the corridor. "Go on," he said. "I'll have bacon sandwiches ready when you get out."

Jim set down the PADD he'd been reading, smiling at Bones. "Sounds delicious," he told him, taking one last sip of coffee before handing it over. "Here. I figured I should save room for breakfast." Bones smelled a lot better, both free of hangover breath and a lot less miserable than he'd been an hour before. "I won't be too long."

Leonard shook his head as he took the coffee. "You're a menace," he said fondly. "Go on."

Jim shot him one last smile before heading to the shower. He really didn't take a while, coming out topless in his sweats, toweling his hair and carrying the sweater. He'd put it back on if he got cold or uncomfortable, but he was okay for now. "Smells good," he said as he came back into the kitchen.

"Good," Leonard said smugly, slicing Jim's sandwich in half and nodding at a glass of orange juice. "Drink that while you eat, you're probably dehydrated."

Jim hummed, hanging his towel on the back of the chair, the sweater tucked safely on one of the extra chairs. "Yes, doctor," he said, grabbing the glass and downing half of it. "What's on the sandwich other than bacon?"

"It's just bacon, butter, and bread," Leonard said, rolling his eyes as he started some more bacon cooking for himself. "You had vegetables at dinner last night and the juice'll keep you from getting scurvy. Calm down."

"Scurvy's easily treatable," Jim said simply, stepping up next to him and picking up half his sandwich to have a  bite. "Fuck, that's good."

"If you get scurvy," Leonard warned, "I will never let you live it down."

Jim took another bite instead of responding, then held it up for Leonard to take a bite of it. "You want some while yours cooks?"

Jim always did that, Leonard had noticed - made sure the people around him had food when he was eating. "I'm good," he said. "This'll be done in a minute."

Shrugging, Jim set it down and wiped his hand on his sweats, then grabbed Bones' sweater again as the heat from the shower faded. When he was back in his spot with half his sandwich in his hand again, he said, "I had it once."

Leonard looked over at him with a frown. "...scurvy?"

"Yep," Jim said, and had another bite. "It was a long time ago." 

Leonard considered him for a minute, then said (deliberately casual), "Most of your 'long time ago' stories sound like absolute hell."

Jim chewed slowly. "There are some good things from then," he said after swallowing, regarding the last bite of his sandwich. "My brother and I lived with my aunt for some time on— on this colony she worked on. She specialized in mechanics but was handy in the kitchen, too. Taught me how to bake bread. Haven't done it in a while, though." 

"I did promise we'd make cookies today," Leonard commented. "We could do bread too."

Jim nodded slowly, glancing at him. "We've got a good amount of bread left, still. We could wait til we're running low." He took another bite. "Might be nice, though." 

"Sure," Leonard allowed. He plated up his own sandwich and brought it over to the table. "Today, tomorrow, whenever. It's fine by me."

Jim brought his over from the counter and sat. "...If we head to the grocery store again, we could grab some rosemary? Garlic, too. She used to do this garlic and sunflower seed oil dip for it." He smiled, bumped their knees together absently. "I'll have to see if I remember the recipe."

"Of course we can," Leonard said warmly. "We'll grab whatever else you want, too."

Jim had another bite. "Thanks," he said, wishing he had a copy of the recipes she had in her handwriting, even if he knew the one for bread by heart. "No guarantees it'll be good; If the oil dip is awful, we can just have it fresh with butter instead."

Leonard shrugged. "Kitchen experiments are how you learn," he said easily. "Some are recoverable; some aren't."

"Mm. So you won't be upset if I feed you something disgusting?" Jim checked, teasing. "Even after you've been spoiling me with your food?"

Leonard snorted. "I won't eat it if it's gross," he clarified. "But there's no harm in making it."

Jim grinned. "And we'll have some cookies, too, if we want another snack. What kind do you like to make?"

"For holiday decorating, just sugar cookies," Leonard explained. "Although if you liked the kick in the cider last night, we could do gingerbread."

"Let's do both," Jim decided, curious to try all of Bones' recipes. "I've never made gingerbread cookies before."

"Sure," Leonard agreed. "We'll need to go to town - I didn't get syrup yesterday - so if there's anything you'd like to pick up at the store, we can do that while we're there."

Jim nodded. "Maybe I'll come up with a list," he said, feeling a little indulgent. "Was there anywhere else in town you wanted to get to today?"

"As long as you don't get us both dumped in a snow drift again, I'm happy to let you set the agenda," Leonard offered generously. 

"That was top of my to do list, actually," Jim said seriously, leaning back in his chair after finishing. "How do you feel about ice skating?"

Leonard groaned. "You just want to see me fall on my ass again," he complained.

"It'll be fun," Jim argued instead of lying about how true that was. He smiled, nudged his leg. "There's an entire lake frozen over, Bones. We're never gonna get that in San Francisco."

"Never got that back in Georgia, either," Leonard grumbled performatively. "Neither of us have skates - are we s'posed to hire them?"

"They've always got rentals," Jim said easily. "Then we'll get some food, bake some cookies, and you can make more of that cider while you complain about falling on your ass on the ice."

Leonard shook his head. "If I end up with a bruised backside, you're running a regen over it," he threatened.

Jim rolled his eyes. "God forbid, a bruised backside. Did you really bring a regen?"

"I know what sort of scrapes you get into," Leonard said dryly. "I brought my whole kit, which includes a basic regen."

"...Possibly that wasn't a bad idea," Jim conceded, "even though I haven't had a bruised backside in a while, and I didn't even ask you to fix it last time." He got up and started to reach for Bones' plate. "You done, or do you want another sandwich?"

"I'm good," Leonard reassured him. "How 'bout you?"

"I'm full," Jim said as he brought the plates to the sink. "...I'm gonna get used to you cooking fresh meals for me if I'm not careful."

Leonard got up, watching him put things away. "Special occasions," he warned. "I like cooking, but during semester it's mostly gonna be pasta now and then. I've got too much other shit to do."

Jim glanced at him. "You mean you're not dropping out to be my personal chef? I'd take a meal or two during the semester breaks, though. If you're so inclined." 

Leonard leaned against the counter and shrugged. "If I'm cooking for myself, I might as well cook for two," he said. "Frankly, some things are easier to make for two."

"You don't need to cook for me when it's not convenient," Jim said, cleaning up the pan from the bacon. "I can be picky about food, anyway."

Leonard snorted. "Yeah, I picked that up," he said. 

Jim chuckled, relieved Bones didn't ask, didn't press about it. "I do tend to like your cooking, even if it is just bacon, butter, and bread."

"Let's be real, you like it because it's just bacon, butter, and bread," Leonard replied. He knew he didn't have a grasp on the full scope of Jim's food weirdness, but his preference for high calorie meat, carbs, and fats was pretty clear.

Jim glanced at him, then back down at the pan as he processed and put it away. "You know me too well," he said finally, catching the honesty under the teasing. 

"Everyone has their quirks," Leonard said with a shrug. "It's fine, kid."

"'Quirks' is a good word for traumas," Jim said with a snort, but finished putting everything away and turned to him. "So, ice skating?" 

Leonard sighed, shaking his head. "Ice skating," he conceded.

Chapter Text

After that night sharing a bed, Jim just...never left. Or, he left sometimes, but never for more than a night. Apart from warning him to sleep on the couch if he got in late, Leonard didn't ask. He didn't want to risk what else might happen if he did. He liked having Jim's company. He liked not being alone at night. So they didn't end up talking about it until he came home one day and found Jim on the couch looking pensive.

Jim tapped his stylus on his PADD, and smiled up at Leonard a little absently. "Have you thought about where you're living next year?" he asked, instead of bothering with a real greeting.

Leonard shrugged, dropping his things on the table and heading to the kitchenette to get some water. "Probably another on-campus suite like this one," he said. "I'm too old to fuck around with dorms, but I can't be bothered to deal with finding somewhere off-campus."

"There are some nice, close, off-campus apartments," Jim said casually, looking back at his PADD and switching the page of his textbook, still thinking about what Gaila had said to him earlier.

"Yeah, but then I'd have to deal with landlords," Leonard pointed out. "This is easier." Staying on campus meant Starfleet handled contracts, and furniture, and utilities, and everything else. 

Jim rolled his eyes. "Sure, but here you have to deal with the other students. And Starfleet might have a few apartments for upper class cadets, even, which would be better than a suite." 

"I don't have to deal with them that much." Leonard came over and sat down, putting his arm on the back of the couch in a silent invitation. "I've got my own bathroom, kitchenette, and replicator. It's only laundry facilities and noise I've gotta worry about."

Jim automatically shifted closer - by this point, it was habit to tuck himself against Leonard’s side when they sat like this. "Well, I've been thinking about something off-campus for me. Ideally not a studio, and not one through the Academy so I don't have to worry about dealing with other cadets," he started, speaking slowly like he was thinking out loud. "But it seems like most of my friends I might share a place with assumed I had plans already."

Leonard frowned, absently rubbing Jim's shoulder. "Why move off-campus?" he asked curiously. "I get wanting to get out of dorms, but the suites aren't bad."

"They can be kinda cramped," Jim said, and started tapping his stylus again, pretending he was actually reading the page. 

Eventually, he managed to get his nerve up to raise what he actually wanted to talk about. "...I spend a lot of time here."

"You do," Leonard replied, carefully neutral. "You don't seem like you find it cramped."

"The couch is a little small to sleep on," Jim said, mostly joking. He continued not looking at Bones. "If you wanted to actually find a place meant for two people, we could fit two desks. Or requisition one for a suite."

Leonard didn't look at Jim either. "I s'pose we could," he said. "More room for your stuff, too."

Jim hummed. "I can figure it all out, find a place, deal with the landlord, that sort of thing,” he offered. “I hadn't really thought about it, but Gaila stopped by my dorm the other day and the cadet in the room next door said they hadn't seen me in a while, and she mentioned it."

"I would've figured you'd want somewhere private to bring people back to," Leonard pointed out. 

"...We could do a two bedroom," Jim decided. It would have to be off-campus, but it was definitely possible. "It'd be good to have the option of an extra room." 

"As long as you don't mind me knowing about your hook-ups," Leonard said. He knew Jim was having them.

Jim turned to look at him. "Do you mind knowing about them?"

Leonard's mouth twisted wryly. "I'd rather not walk in on you getting a blowjob in the living room," he said. 

Jim snorted, settling back against him again. "I'll make sure to be on the receiving end of any blow jobs behind closed doors. I don't think I care so much about walking in on you, but I'm assuming you'd rather not have that happen."

"I don't have casual sex like you do," Leonard retorted. "But ground rules: clothes don't come off until you're in a bedroom, and warn anyone you bring over that I live with you. I don't want a patient having to look me in the eye after doing their walk of shame through my living room."

"Deal," Jim said easily. "If you do ever want to bring anyone over, you don't have to warn them about me."

Leonard snorted. "I'd warn them I have a roommate, at least," he said. Not that it was likely to come up.

"Well that's just common courtesy," Jim agreed with a half grin. "Am I allowed to flirt with them during their post-sex walk through the living room if they're cute?"

"No," Leonard said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You can already pull practically anyone you want. Don't steal the ones that pick me."

Jim actually laughed at how ridiculous that was. "Oh, come on. If you were out there trying to pull someone, you'd have just as much luck as me, Bones."

Leonard snorted. "Bullshit," he said. "I'm a washed-up old divorcee and you're in your hot-shit-and-you-know-it phase."

"You're in your hot-shit-and-you-don't-know-it phase, which does more for some people," Jim said, twisting to look at him again. "I'm serious. You come to a bar with me some night, we'll roll up the sleeves on your shirt to show off your arms, hang out at a table, and see who gets hit on most. It'd be 50/50."

Leonard shook his head ruefully. Whichever way that played out, he wasn't sure he was ready for it. "Don't worry about it," he said. "Just don't flirt too much with people who've decided to flirt with me."

"I won't," Jim promised. "But I'm serious. You're hot. People like sleeping with doctors. Especially surgeons."

"Is this that bullshit about being 'good with my hands'?" Leonard asked, rolling his eyes.

" Is it bullshit?" Jim glanced at his hands and then back to him. "They're nice hands, Bones."

Leonard shrugged. "Sure, I like to think I know what I'm doing with them, but being able to stitch an artery has nothing to do with being able to find someone's prostate."

"You also make a point of strengthening them when you work out," Jim pointed out. "They look like they're not gonna cramp up on you in the middle of sex. There's also something sexy about saving lives, though I personally don't like doctors so much."

Leonard shook his head fondly. "Stop trying to convince me I'm sexy, Jim, it's fine," he insisted. "My self-image isn't a problem that needs fixing right now."

Jim rolled his eyes at him. "It's true whether or not you buy it. And for the record, Gaila's interested, if you want me to give your comm link to her."

Leonard blinked, then carefully set that aside to think about later. When it wasn't quite so... so discombobulating. "We're getting off topic," he said. "We were talking about accommodation next semester."

"Right.” Jim put his PADD down on the coffee table and relaxed into Bones’ side again. “Two-bedroom off-campus apartment?"

"You're really into the off-campus plan, huh," Leonard commented, settling back. "As long as we're close, I guess I don't mind. I just don't want to deal with a commute."

"I like the idea of not being so much under the Academy's thumb," Jim admitted, "and not somewhere where cadets are all on top of each other. I'll find us a place right next to campus, or right on a transport line with a quick commute."

"Alright," Leonard allowed. "You come up with the short list when the time comes, and I'll come check out places with you."

"Deal," Jim said, smiling. "I could probably find us a fully furnished place, too. There's a few of them that cater to cadets."

"Worth looking into," Leonard allowed. "Certainly saves time hunting furniture."

Jim hummed, thinking about living together, about having all his stuff and clothes just a room away from Leonard's bed, rather than halfway across campus. "...When we share a place, you should message me if you ever have someone over," he said, thinking out loud. "I might plan on sleeping in your room and walk in, otherwise."

Leonard couldn't imagine it would happen often. And there was something uncomfortable about the idea of bringing someone else into the bed that smelled like him and Jim. Almost unfaithful. "Fair," he said, rather than admit any of that aloud.

"Just if it happens," Jim said with a shrug. "I know you don't do casual sex the way I do. Anything specific you want in an apartment? You want a water shower?"

"God, if we can get one," Leonard said hopefully.

"Your wish is my command," Jim said with a flourish of his hand. "What else?"

Leonard laughed. "I've already asked for the location," he pointed out. "What about you? What do you want?"

"A fridge and a replicator, I hate when places only have one. I'd also love a bathtub, if we get a water shower." Jim hummed. "Other than that, I'm not too picky."

"If we're springing for a place with a fridge, might as well look for an oven as well," Leonard commented. He could cope without one, but there were a lot more things you could cook if baking and roasting was an option.

"May as well," Jim said with a chuckle. "So, two bedroom, full kitchen, water bathroom. I'd like a living room, too, not one of those places where there's a hallway between the rooms and that's it."

"Some kinda place to put a couch," Leonard agreed. "I don't mind if it's open plan living/dining/kitchen, but definitely somewhere."

Jim nodded as he pictured it. "Definitely a couch. Somewhere for a viewscreen would be nice, but we probably won't have too much time for it."

"We don't really do that here ," Leonard pointed out.

"But what if we're entertaining ?" Jim argued, mostly just for fun. "Gaila likes to keep something on while she does homework."

Leonard gave him a very dry look. "I have faith that when it comes up, you'll come up with something."

"I was already told no blowjobs in the living room," Jim said with a dramatic sigh, and nudged Bones playfully. "You really should get Gaila's comm."

"Drop it, kid," Leonard said, but with no particular heat. "Let me manage my own dating life."

Jim glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. "Alright. But if you ever wanted me to not sleep in your bed, even if you weren't having someone over, you could tell me that, too."

"Same goes for you," Leonard replied. "Or rather, if you want to skip out, sleep in your own room, you don't need to give me a reason."

"Sounds good." Jim said easily, and turned his head to nudge at Bones' neck. Maybe his heat was coming up again. He didn’t get many symptoms anymore, but he did get a little more scent-seeking. Or maybe he just liked how Bones smelled, and knew Bones wouldn't think of him like an omega for indulging in it. "I like your bed, though."

The vulnerability didn't come easy, but fair was fair. "I like having you there," Leonard admitted quietly.

"I won't be too worried about you kicking me out, then," Jim said, a little softer, and rested his head on Bones' shoulder. 

They sat in silence for a while, then Jim admitted, "...I didn't even realize how much I'd been spending here."

"No?" Leonard commented, stroking his hair.

"I guess I did, on some level. But there was at least a week this month where I was only back at my dorm to change," Jim said thoughtfully. "I got used to spending all that time around you at the cabin."

"It was a good holiday," Leonard said, somewhat wistfully.

Jim hummed in agreement. "We should try and get away this summer, too."

Leonard shrugged. "We'll be settling into our new place, but I wouldn't object to going somewhere for a week or two."

"It'd be nice to get away from setting up the place. And it'll feel more like home once we come back to it. I'll send you some listings and arrange some tours when I find places," Jim said happily.

Leonard didn't tease him about getting domestic, but he did think it. "Remember we're not actually moving until the end of semester," he warned. "Availability's going to change."

"And some landlords are going to start looking to fill places, once they hear the lease isn't getting resigned," Jim countered. "It doesn't hurt to look now."

"Alright, I won't stop you," Leonard conceded. "Just remember I'm not rescheduling things to look at what you find."

"I won't make you," Jim promised, and reached for his PADD. "You'll be taking shifts in the summer, right?"

"Planning to, yeah," Leonard confirmed. "You got any ideas to keep busy?"

"I'm considering an extra class or two, maybe tutoring." Jim fiddled with his stylus again. "There's some transdynamic group my therapist's mentioned, but I don't know if that's my speed."

"Oh?" Leonard prompted, leaving space for Jim to elaborate however he wanted.

Jim hummed. "It's partially a social group, I think. But it'll probably be a lot of younger people, and I'm not really into babysitting." He shrugged, started pulling up some listings. "I might get a job, too."

"Why do you say everyone's gonna be young?" Leonard asked curiously. "Is it a youth group?"

"It's open to any age. But it's for closeted people," Jim said, pursing his lips.

"And you're guessing that's mostly teens?" Leonard checked.

Jim glanced at him. "...yes? You think I'm wrong?" 

Leonard hummed, keeping things non-confrontational. "Remember what you told me first time we talked about all this?" he said. " ‘Bout the track record of omegas in command?"

Jim snorted. "That there are none?"

Leonard shrugged. "Well, if I was a trans omega on the command track, I don't know if I'd be too eager to tell my boss."

"You really think there are others?" Jim asked, skeptical. "So you think I should go."

"I think that unless you go, you won't find out," Leonard said firmly. "Kid, you're not the only person in the world to discover something new about yourself as an adult. And whether they plan to stay closeted or not, plenty of people like a little privacy while they work out what they want to do with that."

"...I guess I could check it out," Jim said slowly. He wouldn't have mentioned it if he didn't want to know Bones' opinion, and so far his opinions had been helpful. "But you're buying me a drink if it's all sixteen year olds."

"Sure," Leonard agreed. "But given you're still seeing this psych, I'm assuming their recommendations are usually decent. So if I'm right, you owe me a drink."

"Deal," Jim said easily, then looked down at his PADD, avoiding Leonard’s gaze. "It's been... good, I think. Kinda intense lately."

"Yeah?" Leonard prompted.

"Mmhm." Jim tapped on an apartment listing at random, just to look like he was focused on it. "We're talking about some past stuff. Like the colony I was on. With my aunt who taught me to make bread."

The one who'd died. "That's rough," Leonard said quietly. "Anything I can do to help?"

Jim shook his head. "Not really. Nothing you're not doing anyway," he said, then hesitated. "...I might want to talk more about some stuff one day. But I don't want it to be a big deal. Okay?" 

Leonard hugged Jim against him for a second, then let go. "I'll do my best," he promised.

"Thanks," Jim said quietly, then set his PADD down decisively. "You have an early shift tomorrow?"

"Not that early," Leonard replied, "but I know you have class." He stood up and stretched ostentatiously. "I think I might just have a replicator sandwich for dinner."

Jim watched him with a little smile. "It's nice you have my schedule memorized," he said as he stood. "Replicate me one, too?" 

"No problem," Leonard said easily. "You want anything else while I'm up?"

"A glass of water'd be good," Jim decided, and stretched his arms up, "since you're offering."

Leonard huffed a laugh. "I think I can handle that."

A week later, Jim let himself into Bones' quarters, a bottle of the fancy beer Bones liked in hand. He put it in the fridge then headed through to the bedroom to find Bones. "I smell like alcohol but I'm not drunk," he told him with a small smile. "Just had a drink at the bar but some idiot spilled on me."

Leonard was putting away laundry, and paused to give Jim an unimpressed look. "No hugs until you clean up, then," he said. "What sent you to the bar?"

"A few people went after group," Jim said, snatching a clean shirt before Bones could put it away and stripping off his dirty one. "I brought a beer back for you."

Leonard smirked. "Not all teenagers, then?" he guessed.

"Not all of them," Jim said, rolling his eyes and tugging the clean shirt on. "There were a couple, but everyone else was older." There was someone from Starfleet, too, but that wasn't something he felt like he could share.

"Worth going back to?" Leonard asked, deliberately light.

"...I'll probably check it out again in a couple weeks," Jim said, just as light, and started poking around in Bones’ drawers for a pair of sweatpants. "It's one or two times a month while they get it going." 

"Sounds good," Leonard replied. He was so fucking proud of Jim for trying it, and so damn pleased it had gone well, but he knew better than to say so. "Anything interesting come up?"

"Sort of? We talked about a lot of things. Dating, sex, work, school." Jim found a pair of pants, and started on his jeans. "I talked about you a little. Didn't use your name, obviously, but I mentioned how I was getting the Alviamon."

Leonard nodded. "At some point, we should figure out a back-up doctor for you," he said. "Not urgent, just something to think about."

Jim made a face. "Why do I need a back up?"

Leonard blew out a breath and sat down on the bed. "Two reasons," he said bluntly. "Firstly, so that if I'm unavailable - if I get sick, if I'm too loaded down with courses, if I'm sent to the moon for a month - you've got someone. And secondly, because ethically, I'm not happy with the idea that your access to medical treatment can be affected by the quality of your relationship with the guy you're living with."

Jim tugged on the sweats, frowning. "You're not gonna screw up my healthcare just because we're living together," he said, since that seemed like the easiest point to counter.

"I don't intend to," Leonard replied. "But firstly, everyone fucks up. Secondly, if you're uncomfortable with me because I'm being an ass, I don't want you dodging appointments because you're avoiding me. Thirdly, you and me deserve it to be clear in our records that there's some accountability and back-up here."

Jim stuffed his dirty clothes in the hamper, trying not to look too terrified or annoyed at the prospect of telling someone else. "Is this something that you think we should have, or something you need us to have for your own peace of mind?" he asked, glancing at Bones. 

Leonard sighed. "It's something I want for my peace of mind," he admitted. "But I know the process of getting there isn't gonna do much for your peace of mind, so I'm not going to push you."

Jim came over and sat next to him, quiet for a moment as he wrestled with himself. "Why don't you start thinking about a doctor you think I'd like, someone you trust?” he said eventually. “Don't talk to them yet, but we can... we can start thinking about it."

"Thanks," Leonard murmured, pressing their legs together. "I won't tell anyone anything without your permission, but I'll do some scouting."

"Maybe if you have some names, I could pass them along? I know a few folks who could use someone's help to get the meds they want," Jim said, leaning into him.

"I can do that," Leonard said warmly, wrapping an arm around him. "Thanks for agreeing to try, kid."

"It's just one step closer to you agreeing to sleep with me," Jim joked, his voice falling a little flat - he didn't actually care about sex with Bones nearly as much as he did about making him comfortable in their... whatever they had. And he wasn't going to think too much about what it meant that he really did trust Bones with this. 

Leonard snorted. "Sure it is." He hugged Jim against him for a second, then reached up and ruffled his hair. "C'mon, I'm gonna go drink that beer you got me."

Jim relaxed, shoving his hand away with a warm laugh. "It's your favorite. The one you think is too many credits."

"Should I take that as a sign of how right I was?" Leonard teased, getting up and heading for the kitchen. 

"You should take it as a sign that you were a little right, and I was being nice." Jim followed after him, going to poke around in his fridge to see if there were any good leftovers. "Hungry?"

"I could eat," Leonard allowed. He took the bottle of beer and popped the cap off, toasting Jim with the bottle before he took a sip. "I should make bets with you more often."

Jim rolled his eyes. “You’re just smug because you were right.”

Because Jim’s support group had helped, and he’d come home comfortable and hopeful? “Maybe I am,” Leonard agreed.

Chapter Text

When Leonard's birthday came around, he wasn't all that surprised that Jim warned him to keep his evening free. God knew what Jim had planned, but right now, Leonard wasn't thinking about that. Right now, Leonard was staring at the comm message he'd just gotten from his sister.

For once, Jim actually pressed the chime instead of letting himself in, checked his comm for the time, then pressed it again. He waited another few seconds before opening the door. "Come on, you can't be late for your own party.,” he called out. “That's out of style again."

Leonard gave him an absent-minded scowl. "You didn't actually say there was going to be a party," he pointed out.

"Like it was that big of a surprise," Jim said, rolling his eyes. He'd put on his favorite jacket and a pair of pants that did wonders for his ass, and was very excited to get to the bar. He raised his eyebrows at Bones. "Are you ready?" 

Leonard looked back at his comm. He should reply, but... he didn't know what to say.

When he didn't get a response, Jim's brow furrowed. "What's up? Did you get called in?"

"No," Leonard said absently, then made himself look up at Jim. "My, uh, my sister sent me a message. Abby."

"Oh," Jim said, and blinked. "Wow. That was sweet of her. Did she... was it a nice message?"

"Yeah," Leonard said hoarsely. "She, uh. She sent me a picture of Joanna." Her and Lilah's son Marco and a few other kids their age - maybe at daycare, maybe at a party. He hardly cared, because there she was, her light brown hair curly and wild, her eyes scrunched nearly shut with laughter at whatever game the kids were playing.

Jim's surprise turned into - hesitant - excitement. "Yeah? Can I see?"

Leonard couldn't make himself hand the comm over, but he did tilt it so Jim could see the screen.

Jim grinned at the picture, taking half a step closer. "She's beautiful, Bones. Look at that smile. And she's got your nose."

"She's grown," Leonard said quietly. All kids did, at that age. 

Jim put a hand on his shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze. "Did you thank Abby for sending that yet? We should get that in a holoframe."

Leonard hadn't. He hadn't spoken to Abby since he left Georgia. Hell, he'd barely spoken to her since the funeral. "I should call her."

"I think that'd be nice, if you did," Jim said softly. "You want me here for moral support?"

If he didn't do it now, he wouldn't. Leonard nodded, and reached up to grip Jim's hand as he dialed Abby.

Jim took a deep breath, thinking Bones might follow by the power of suggestion, waiting to see if he could hear anything on the other end of the call. 

Leonard had spent half an hour staring at that message, but Abby must've kept her comm nearby, because it only took a minute for her to pick up. "Hey, Abby," he said quietly.

"Len," Abby said, and let out a little breath, closing her eyes at the swell of emotions his voice brought up. "Hi. Happy birthday."

Leonard cleared his throat, squeezing Jim's hand. "Thanks," he said. "And...thanks for the photo. It's..." He trailed off, then made himself try again. "Means a lot to me."

Abby glanced out the window at her kids running around in the backyard. "It's nothing," she said softly. The children were a relatively safe topic at least. "She's doing well."

"Yeah?" Leonard said hopefully. "I don't really hear from Joce, so... Do y'all see her often?" What was Joanna's life like now? Who did she spend time with? Who looked after her when Jocelyn was busy? Did she still insist on unmatched socks whenever she got the chance?

"Lilah sees her the most often; she and Marco are in the same day care program," Abby admitted, and chuckled. "But I hear she's a social butterfly. She wanted to invite all the kids she knew to her last birthday party."

Leonard smiled, even as his heart ached. "She always loved meeting people," he said. "Wanted to say hi to everyone, even when she was too small to actually say it."

"I remember that," Abby said with a smile. "She was always the friendliest of all the kids."

Leonard took a shaky breath. "How are you , Abby?" he asked. "How's everyone, for that matter?"

Abby hesitated, feeling like an idiot for it. She didn't know that everyone else wanted Len knowing what they were up to. "I'm doing pretty good. Hannah and Eli are, too. Hannah just started little league, so you know Eli wants to start up with it, too."

"Yeah?" Leonard said fondly. "You'll have to find something special for him if it turns out he doesn't like it. Remember when Ma had those puppies?" Hannah had thought meeting the puppies was the best thing ever, but Eli had been deeply suspicious of the wriggling, nipping, tail-wagging animals.

"I remember the twins bickering for weeks about whether we were gonna adopt one or not, regardless of my opinion on the matter," Abby said with a roll of her eyes. "...How've things been with you?"

Leonard looked at Jim, then answered, "I'm okay. Haven't washed out yet, despite the piloting requirements."

Jim muffled a snort of laughter into his shoulder.

"You? Piloting? That's hard to believe," Abby teased gently. 

"Yeah, I'm not a fan," Leonard grumbled. "At least I'm not throwing up every time we hit upper atmo these days."

"That's an improvement," Abby agreed fondly. "And you're... doing well otherwise?" she asked, instead of asking outright about his drinking.

Leonard sighed, leaning back against Jim. "I'm okay, Abby," he promised. "Keeping up with my courses, seeing patients, made a few friends. I miss Jo like hell, and I won't say I'm not still messed up by it all, but...I'm okay."

"I didn't realize you were still practicing medicine," Abby admitted, chewing on her lip, "but it's... it's good you're keeping busy. You know what Ma says about idle hands."

Jim rubbed Bones' back again, keeping his expression carefully blank while he listened.

"I'm a qualified and licensed surgeon and family doctor," Leonard said gently. "They had me in the clinics here as soon as I was enrolled. Got a bit of training to do to get to Starfleet standards, because there's a lot of xeno-bio, but I didn't join Starfleet because I wanted to leave medicine behind."

"It surprised me, Len, that's all." Abby rubbed at her forehead, wondering how much longer she could go without sticking her foot in her mouth. "I should let you go. You probably have plans."

"It's fine, Abby," Leonard reassured her. "I really appreciate you reaching out. Even if it's just this once."

Abby's heart twisted at him thinking she wouldn't reach out again, though she didn't know when she'd be doing it again. "...I'll send you more pictures if I get any," she said after a moment. "It was good to hear from you."

"You too," Leonard said quietly. "If there's... if there's big family news, could you ask if folks are alright with you passing it along?"

"I can ask," Abby said slowly. "There hasn't been anything newsworthy lately."

Leonard sighed. "I'm not gonna show up and stick my nose in everyone's business without an invitation, Abby," he said. "I know I'm not welcome back home. I just wanna know if I should be... Well, y'know. How I should be thinking of y'all."

"Ma's still alive, if that's what you're asking," Abby said wryly. "She slipped on some ice, bruised her hip up, but she's just about back to how she was before. Lilah's... you know how she is. Same as ever."

Leonard huffed a laugh. "Good to know," he said. "Take care, would you? And if you get a chance, give Jo an extra hug? You don't have to tell her it's from me."

"I will. You take care of yourself out there, too," Abby said, voice softer again. "And don't be a stranger, alright?"

"I'll keep you in the loop," Leonard promised. "G'night."

They hung up, and Jim finally felt like he could breathe again. "How're you feeling?" 

Leonard took a deep breath, let it out slowly, then turned to Jim and dragged him into a hug.

Jim went willingly, holding him close, closing his eyes into the embrace.

Leonard buried his face in Jim's shoulder until he got a hold of himself, trying to process the relief of getting to talk to his sister after so long, alongside the terrible awkwardness and hesitation there had been about saying anything meaningful.

Jim slid a hand into the back of Leonard's hair, taking a stab at guessing what he was thinking. "It was a good start," he told him softly. "And she said to keep in touch."

Leonard took another breath, reminding himself that even if he'd mostly lost his family, he did have Jim. "Don't let me keep drinking if I get mopey tonight," he muttered. " 's not a good plan."

"Want me to cap you at two drinks?" Jim asked, stroking through his hair. "We're going to the place with the food you like, so there's a lot for you to have there."

Leonard sighed. "Probably a good idea," he admitted. 

Jim brushed down the back of his neck before pulling back a little. "We could also stay in," he offered. "Watch some trashy holos, order your favorite takeout..."

"Nah," Leonard said, shaking his head. "I'll probably feel better if I do something social."

"If you're sure. You can always duck out early," Jim promised. "I'll go pick you out something to wear, okay?"

"Okay." Leonard pulled back, scrubbing a hand over his face. "Thanks. For being here."

Jim's expression softened. "Anytime," he said, and took Bones' wrist to give it a little squeeze.

Chapter Text

After Bones' birthday party, things went back to normal again—though their normal had shifted a little in the last few months. Jim was still spending most of his time at Bones' suite, and went back there one morning after a study session turned into a make out session turned into Jim spending the night. He'd showered before leaving, but was still reeling from Alna's question as he let himself in. "Hey. Sleep well?" he asked, slipping out of his shoes and lingering by the door.

Leonard gave Jim a suspicious look. "And what brings you over this early in the day?"

Jim leaned back against the doorway and crossed his arms. "I told you I was with Alna - from advanced warp theory - last night? She asked me out this morning."

Leonard raised his eyebrows and sat back in his chair. "She asked you on a date?"

"I'm as surprised as you are." Jim pushed a hand through his hair. "She's nice, but..." There were a lot of 'but's.

"Does she know you're trans?" Leonard asked curiously. "I didn't think you'd told anyone."

Jim shook his head. "She doesn't. Which doesn't matter if we're just... if we're hooking up," he said with a shrug, not recounting the specifics for Bones. 

Whatever Jim was doing to make sure Alna didn't twig, Leonard was glad not to get the details. "But you'd feel weird about it if you dated?"

"Probably. She might see me taking meds and ask about them, and there's only so much I can do to avoid it becoming obvious." Jim frowned, walking to the kitchenette to get himself some water. "I also don't know how she'd feel about me spending so much time with other people." Specifically with Bones.

Leonard hummed. "Do you want to date her?" he checked. "Because if you don't, this is all hypothetical."

Jim had a sip and leaned against the counter, not quite looking at him. "I don't think I'd dislike dating her," he said carefully, "but I also don't know what I'd get out of it that I don't already have."

"Only in it for the hook-ups?" Leonard said with a snort. 

Jim rolled his eyes. "I'm not talking about the sex. I'm talking about sharing meals and cuddling and sharing a bed with someone." He glanced at Bones, and then down at his water. "I also wasn't sure how you'd feel about it."

"...Oh." Leonard looked away, clearing his throat. "Guess it'd be kinda weird, doing all that with me if you were in a relationship with someone else."

"Yeah." Jim sipped his water, then set the glass down. "So, I don't know."

Leonard got up and busied himself with tidying so he didn't have to look Jim in the eye. "Do you want to do those things with her?"

"Do you want me to do that with someone else?" Jim asked, watching Bones now that Bones wasn't looking at him. 

"I don't see how I've got a say," Leonard said gruffly. It wasn't like they were dating. It was Jim's business who he slept with, same as it was Jim's business who he fucked.

Jim tilted his head back. "I feel like you should get a say," he said softly. 

"That doesn't make any sense," Leonard pointed out. "And I'm not gonna hold you back, kid, that's not fair of me." Jim would only get lonely and bored, and then he’d - well, it’d be Leonard’s fault, whatever he did. 

Jim grimaced and looked at him. "So you'd be fine if I dated her," he said, rather than asking. 

"I don't - " Leonard sighed. "I don't know. I want to be."

"You don't have to be," Jim said with a little scowl. "You can say that you don't want me to date someone else, Bones."

Finally, Leonard turned to look at him. "Wouldn't you resent me?" he demanded. "My damn wife resented not getting to date and we were married . You and I are just - whatever we are."

"I'm not Jocelyn!" Jim practically shouted, not sure why he was so annoyed. "And I like being what we are to each other. If I stop liking it then I'll tell you—but Christ, you can have a fucking opinion without me dropping you." 

"You can't ask me to choose this when you won't even tell me what you want," Leonard insisted. "It's not fair to ask me to take responsibility for you being unhappy when you won't fucking warn me."

"I'm not—" Jim cut himself off with a huff and rubbed at his face. "I don't want to date her, okay?"

Leonard blew out a breath, his shoulders easing. "Jesus, kid," he said wearily. "All that and you don't even want it in the first place?"

"I was considering it up until now," Jim said stubbornly. 

Leonard snorted. "Sure you were." In retrospect, Jim had walked in here looking for an excuse to be talked out of it. 

"I was," Jim insisted, aching to drag him to bed and curl up with him despite the fact that they should both be getting ready for the day. But he was the one who kept admitting things today; he wasn't also going to be the one to initiate contact now. "I thought hearing your opinion on it would help."

"Apparently it did," Leonard muttered. "Look, you don't want to date Alna, that's fine. Do you want to date? Generally?"

"I don't know," Jim said and let out a little sigh. "I like doing all the stuff I do with you. I don't know if I need to date anyone on top of that."

"Then don't date until you do know," Leonard said simply. He came over and put his hand on Jim's shoulder, bumping their foreheads together. "You don't need a reason not to date. You can just not do it."

Jim's shoulders loosened at the touch and he closed his eyes. If anything, Leonard was his reason. "It'd boost my ego if you told me you didn't want me to," he deadpanned, half hearted at best before dropping his forehead to Bones' shoulder. 

"Your ego doesn't need boosting," Leonard informed him.

"Maybe it does," Jim grumbled, sliding his arms around Bones. "You don't compliment me half as much as you should."

Leonard snorted, but hugged him back. "Sure I don't."

Jim let out a breath and hooked his chin over Bones' shoulder. "Give me a heads up if you want to date, okay?"

Leonard couldn't imagine it coming up any time soon. The idea still made him wince. "I will," he promised.

"Thanks," Jim said, ignoring the slight shift in Bones' scent. He took a deep breath, steeling himself to do the mature thing. "...I really do want your opinion on things when I ask you, you know? If I wanted to do something that bad I'd just do it and tell you about it. But coming home smelling like someone else and getting into bed with you is... it's something you have a say in because I want you to have a say in it."

Leonard made a face. "Guess I would rather you took a shower in that sorta situation," he admitted.

"I've been pretty good about showering first lately. I did this morning," Jim said, and pulled back just a little to look at him. "Has it bothered you recently?"

Leonard took a sniff and shook his head. "Nah, you're fine," he said. "Just, you know. In principle."

"If I start spending a lot of time up close and personal with one person, I'll make sure I'm scent free when I come by." Jim brushed their cheeks together and pulled back. "...I should message Alna."

Leonard shrugged. "At a certain point, I've gotta get over it, same as they'd have to get over you having my scent," he said. "And yes, you really should."

It felt different to him, but Jim didn't try to explain it. He stepped away finally, going to the replicator and grabbing himself an orange, then taking it to the couch and getting out his comm. "She's going to think I was only interested in fucking her," he complained as he started typing out the message. 

Leonard raised one eyebrow. "I mean. It sounds like you were only interested in fucking her," he pointed out.

"Not like that ," Jim grumbled. "I wasn't using her for sex. She invited me over and she made the first move. But I wouldn't have said yes if I thought she was interested in something more."

"Then say that," Leonard said simply. "You're looking for a friends with benefits situation, or just a fuckbuddy, and you're sorry if you weren't clear about that."

Jim ran his tongue over his teeth and deleted what he had already to write what Bones had said. He sent it, tossed his comm on the table, and started peeling the orange while attempting not to pout. "I still feel like an idiot."

"For not guessing she wanted that?" Leonard checked. "It's a reasonable thing to not guess."

"I don't know. I would have been happy to just study with her," Jim admitted. "Not that I was against having sex with her. And if she'd only invited me over for that, I also don't mind, because it was a fun night and it wasn't like I didn't know she was interested."

"She made some assumptions and you made some assumptions," Leonard said. "If she gets upset, well, I can understand that, but I don't think you fucked up here. It's just different expectations."

Jim blew out a breath. "You're probably right. I don't know why I'm being so moody ."

"It's cause you're a sweetheart who doesn't like disappointing people," Leonard said, half teasing.

Jim snorted. "Where was that when I was asking for compliments?" he asked, holding up a piece of his orange in question, ready to toss it to Bones if he wanted some. 

"Not too manly to be called a sweetheart?" Leonard said.

"Considering how much stock I put in bullshit gender nonsense, it made me terribly uncomfortable," Jim said dryly, and tossed a slice of orange at him, "but I'm man enough to pretend it didn't."

Leonard caught the fruit and grimaced at the juice that got on his fingers. "You're ridiculous," he said.

"Maybe I'd be better behaved if you called me sweetheart more often," Jim shot back, and popped a piece in his mouth.

"Sure you would," Leonard said dryly. The orange was a nice snack, he admitted to himself as he ate it. He just wasn’t a fan of sticky fingers.

"There's only one way to test it," Jim said, though his voice went distant as he picked up his comm to read Alna's response. "She was pretty nice about it, all things considered."

"Good," Leonard said, coming over and putting his cleaner hand on Jim's back. "Not too upset?"

"Not too much. She seems more embarrassed," Jim said, and leaned into Bones a little, still embarrassed himself.

"I can understand that," Leonard admitted. "Think you'll keep seeing her?"

"Maybe after a few days I'll see if she wants to get together to study," Jim decided, and offered him another piece of the orange. He should eat something real for breakfast, too, but he didn't have anything going this morning so he could take his time with it. " Only to study," he clarified.

"Just a little too awkward to keep hooking up with her, huh," Leonard said dryly, waving away the offer.

"I don't like complicated sex," Jim said with a little huff. "Complicated study sessions, however, are fine."

Leonard laughed, ruffling his hair. "You're ridiculous, kid," he said affectionately.

Jim wrinkled his nose, but didn't swat him away. "My system makes total sense," he argued, cracking a smile to show he wasn't too serious. " Your system, or lack thereof, is ridiculous to me."

"What, not having sex?" Leonard said. "It's pretty straightforward."

Jim shook his head and got up to go back to the replicator. "I'm really not judging, I'm happy if you're happy, I just... have very different physical needs." 

Leonard laughed. "Yeah, I can tell," he said. "Really, masturbation keeps me going just fine, and casual sex just isn't my thing."

Jim laughed, too. "I wish I felt the same. I'd have so much less to worry about."

"You'd save time, too," Leonard teased him.

"So much time." Jim sighed dramatically as he pulled a plate of pasta salad with chicken and veggies from the replicator. "But, alas, I've been cursed with a high libido and interests in sexual acts that are best achieved with a partner."

"You poor thing, having an active sex life," Leonard said, shaking his head. 

"I should be pitied," Jim teased, and sat at the table. "Then again, it would be easier if I was cisdynamic, so I'll accept pity for that part of it."

Leonard leaned on a chair, watching him. "Maybe down the track, you'll find a fuckbuddy you don't mind being out to," he commented. "Did anyone from your therapy group have anything to say about that?"

"Maybe," Jim said, non-committal. "One of the people in group has a trans partner, so that's not an issue for them. But that's all that they said about it."

"Fair enough," Leonard said, backing off. 

"I'm just... I don't know. It's hard to imagine that. It'd complicate things." Jim took a bite, chewing slowly. "But one day, I guess it's possible."

"Complicate it some ways," Leonard agreed. "Simplify it others. Depends a lot on the person, really."

"Mmhm," Jim said around a bite. "I'd try looking for someone in group, but I feel like it'd have to be someone who doesn't see the same therapist."

"That's fair," Leonard said, pulling out the chair and sitting down. "You want a bit of space."

"Yeah, that'd be too close. Might wind up being a conflict of interest for them, too, and I wouldn't want to find a new therapist." Jim offered him the bowl of pasta salad. "Want some? It's a better breakfast food than people give it credit for."

"I'm good," Leonard reassured him. "I had some cereal before you got here." He leaned back, watching Jim thoughtfully. "You okay about this whole...thing?"

Jim eyed him over his bowl. "Which thing?" he asked slowly. "The thing with Alna, or group, or...?"

"I meant Alna, but either," Leonard clarified. "We haven't talked about group much."

"Maybe I'm not okay with not hooking up with my fellow group members," Jim said, and took a bite. "It's fine, with Alna. I don't wanna change how things are now."

Leonard raised an eyebrow. "There's someone there you're interested in?" he prompted.

Jim glanced at him, then shrugged. "Not really. I don't know. It'd be nice to sleep with someone I don't have to hide with, but that's all I meant. It's not a serious thought."

"Fair enough," Leonard said, tapping his thumb on the table as he thought. "We should find some queer bars far enough from campus you won't get recognised."

Jim tilted his head consideringly. "That'd be fun. You gonna be my wingman?" he asked with a little grin.

"If you need one," Leonard agreed comfortably. "Not that you've ever needed my help before."

"I might not need it, but it would be fun." Jim nudged his foot. "It'd also just be nice to hang out there together, get a feel for the scene."

"Yeah, alright," Leonard allowed, nudging him back. "You don't need to drag me."

Jim got up to put the rest of his food in the fridge, still grinning. "Have you been to any of the ones around here before?"

"I go to the convenient bars," Leonard informed him. "Though admittedly, when I'm not going with you, I do tend to skip the ones full of baby-faced cadets."

Jim laughed as he came back over, ruffling Bones' hair. "You should take me to your convenient old man bars, sometime. And I can look up some of the queer ones that aren't right downtown."

"Sounds like a plan," Leonard agreed.

Chapter Text

Jim sat in the waiting room outside Bones’ office, finding himself much less anxious than the last time he’d been here. He figured it was because he'd seen Bones two hours ago when they had breakfast together, but things had also been going... surprisingly well for him lately. Other than a few minor side effects he'd been having, but he hadn’t needed to mention them yet. 

It was getting strange to see Jim in the clinic, these days - Leonard would be honestly glad when Jim was ready to change over to another doctor. But that could be months or years away, so for now he welcomed Jim into his office for his quarterly check-up, and opened up Jim's file. "D'you want to start with the talking or the poking today?" he asked.

Jim pulled a face, deciding he was feeling cowardly. "Poking," he said, putting off the admitting-things part for a little while. "In your best estimate, how long do you think it is until medical science advances past the point of check-ups?"

Leonard snorted. "Medical science will never advance past the point of check-ups," he said, gesturing to the scales in the corner. "Go on, let me get a reading on your height and weight, and then you can lie down on the bed."

Jim got off the table and slipped his shoes off. "You sure? I think that's the next frontier of science," he joked, stepping on the scale and not bothering to look at the actual number. "You could revolutionize the industry if you pursue this."

"Check-ups are already ten times faster and a hundred times more accurate than they used to be," Leonard said, making a note. It looked like Jim had gained a little weight, which was probably a good thing. "But we can't find out how someone's going if we don't make observations. That's not science, that's fortune-telling."

"There's probably a species out there that is able to predict the future," Jim said thoughtfully. He stepped onto the floor with his back to the height measure. "Could be a science behind clairvoyance."

"Maybe," Leonard said, making a note of his height, then gesturing towards the bed. "I sure as hell wouldn't use it for medical diagnosis, though."

Jim got back on the bed and lay down. This part was still not his favorite, but was easier with Bones. "One day when we're traveling the galaxy, we'll find a clairvoyant species and I'll have you talk to their doctors."

"And they'll tell me they still examine patients in person to make sure," Leonard informed him. 

They didn't have fancy biobeds in the clinic, so he ran a tricorder over Jim instead to get the basics. "Anything in particular I'm gonna want to take a look at?" he asked.

Jim absently tapped his fingers on the table. "I've been having some internal discomfort? Vaginally. Nothing bad, but I don't know if that shows or not. And minor headaches, now and then."

Leonard frowned thoughtfully. "Headaches I can't check from the outside in the same way, but if it's okay with you, I'd like to take a look at your vagina and see what's going on. Are you okay to take your pants off and let me see?"

Jim shrugged. "Sure," he said, and started on the fly of his pants, determined to not feel weird about it. "...If I make a joke about you wanting to get my pants off, are you going to tell me off?"

Leonard gave him a very dry look. "I'm pretty sure I'd have a lot more success getting your pants off if I wasn't your doctor," he said.

"Oh, it'd be so easy for you," Jim agreed with a little grin, and got off the table to finish getting his pants and boxers off. He laid back down and scooted down to the end of the bed. 

Leonard rolled his eyes, coming around the bed and pulling his chair over. "Alright, let's see what we're working with," he said. "Tell me what you've noticed?"

"Some dryness, itchiness. Nothing bad, but it does get worse after penetration," Jim explained, wrinkling his nose. "Even with lube."

Leonard managed not to raise his eyebrows at the information that Jim was apparently having penetrative sex. Or more likely, he mentally amended, penetrative masturbation. He took a closer look, checking for anything Jim might not have noticed, and nodded. "Alright, this seems like a fairly common side effect of the Alviamon," he admitted. "You can put your pants back on now."

Jim frowned a little, and got off the table again, pulling his boxers back on before glancing over at Bones. "So it's nothing bad?"

"It's not a sign of something worse," Leonard explained, heading back to his desk. "But that doesn't mean we should leave it alone. Essentially what's happening is that, with the hormonal changes, your vaginal tissue is getting thinner and dryer. That's causing discomfort now, which is a problem in itself, but it also means higher risk of bleeding during penetration, and possible infections."

Jim finished with his buttons and sat down by the desk. "So what's the treatment?" he asked, trying to not sound as skeptical as he was feeling. Honestly, he could just stop penetrating himself that way and live with the mild discomfort, though he figured Bones wasn't going to agree.

"More hormones," Leonard admitted. "If you weren't trans, I'd be writing a prescription for a hypo, but in your case, we only want to change the hormone balance in one specific area, so it's gonna be a topical cream."

Jim frowned a little. "And the topical cream won't impact the effectiveness of the Alviamon?" he checked. "I'd rather just avoid penetration if it will."

"You shouldn't have to be dealing with everyday soreness either," Leonard pointed out. "And no, it won't counteract the Alviamon. It's purely going to affect the vaginal tissue."

"How often should I apply it?" Jim asked, pursing his lips. "And is penetration something to avoid while I'm using it?"

Leonard tilted his hand noncommittally. "For the first couple of weeks, I'll get you to do it nightly, just so we can get back to a good baseline. After that we'll drop down to three times a week, and in the long run, we might drop to once a week. Depends on what's needed to keep you at a good level, and we can't know that before we try it."

"I can do that." Jim rubbed at the side of his arm. "Is it going to have a smell, or create more discharge, or something else potentially noticeable as a side effect?"

"Shouldn't do," Leonard reassured him. "If it does, tell me, and we'll try another formulation. Though I'll point out that fixing the dryness is going to restore a bit of the natural smell you used to have."

"...I guess that's fine," Jim said slowly, figuring he could stop using it if it bothered him that much. "Are the headaches also a side effect of the Alviamon?"

"Could be, could be something else," Leonard said. "How often are you getting them? Any pattern?"

"Once or twice a week, maybe. Sometimes they go away on their own in a couple hours." Jim shrugged. "They haven't been bad enough to bring up."

Leonard frowned at him. Jim's sense of 'bad enough' was...skewed. "Where in your head are they?" he asked.

Jim waved a hand over his head. "Sort of all over the top of my head? It usually starts in my neck."

"Hmm." Leonard adjusted his tricorder settings and asked, "Let me do a scan?"

"Go ahead," Jim said, motioning for him to. 

Leonard ran the scan, then hummed as he looked through the results. "Well, the good news is, there's nothing alarming," he said. "The bad news is that I don't have much to go on. I'll check the Alviamon side effects, but since it's working so well for you otherwise, we probably want to stick with it. Next time you've got one and I'm around, come and let me scan you before you take anything for it, and we'll see if that narrows it down."

"I've been taking some normal painkillers and they seem to work okay," Jim said, relieved Bones didn't want him to stop taking it.

"Different painkillers have different mechanisms," Leonard explained. "Most of them cover pain and fever, but some of them have extra effects. If I can work out what type of headache you've got, I can pick out the medication that'll be most effective."

Jim nodded as he considered. "Right. I'll tell you next time," he agreed, "if I'm with you when one pops up."

"If they're a couple times a week, I'm sure it'll happen eventually," Leonard said comfortably. Hopefully they could get them dealt with sooner rather than later.

"Now, before we move on to the standard fitness questions,” he went on, “how's your transition going generally?"

"Good," Jim said, and smiled. "The meds are working great at the dose I'm at, I think. I look better now, more beta-like."

Leonard nodded, grinning back at him. "How's your heat cycle going?"

"It's been fine." Jim leaned back on one of his hands. "I notice a slight shift in things around when it would've been, some minor hormone changes probably, I get a little more tired, but it's so much better than it was, so I'm not complaining." He raised his eyebrows. "You haven't noticed my scent changing over the course of a few weeks, have you?"

"It's not something I pay attention to," Leonard admitted. "Long-term, you might still get a few of those preheat symptoms around about that time, or it might go away. It's variable, person to person."

"Do you think it'd be worth it to increase my dose?" Jim asked, curious. He was pretty happy with where he was, but if it'd make things just a little easier, it might be worth it. 

Leonard shrugged. "Are you getting the effects you want?" he said. "From what you're telling me, you seem pretty happy with the changes you've got."

"There are some parts of my body that still don't look entirely like I'd like them to," Jim admitted, and frowned. "I still feel like I look like an omega without a shirt on, even with targeted workouts. Would a higher dose help with that more?"

Leonard frowned a little. "Not necessarily," he admitted. "Even male alphas can have a fair amount of breast tissue - and it may not feel like it, but you are within the range we see for beta males, and even alpha males. But before I make a call on that one, what else is bothering you?"

Jim raised his eyebrows in disbelief. It sure as hell didn't feel like he looked like anything other than an omega. "I guess that's the biggest thing. I think the rest of me looks more proportional now."

Leonard nodded. "And for now, you're happy with your scent changes? Your genitalia?"

"Yeah, I think I like where my scent is now and my dick's more in beta range, even if it was technically there before, too." Jim pushed a hand through his hair. "I don't think I'm interested in any surgery yet or anything. So that's fine for now."

"In that case," Leonard said, "I'm going to recommend you try to stick with it for another few months before we try changing the dose." He leaned forward and met Jim's eyes. "I'm not ignoring your dysphoria around your chest, okay? It's your body. If it doesn't feel good, I want to address that. It's just that in this case, I think it's worth seeing what sort of shift we get with another few months of hormones, both in the actual shape of your body, and in how you feel about it."

Jim sighed. "I get it. I know I feel a lot better now than I did a few months ago, so I might feel differently then. I'll just whine about it at group in the meantime, or something."

"I actually recommend that," Leonard pointed out, sitting back in his chair. "That's what the group's for , and maybe some of them will have tips."

"I guess," Jim said, and rubbed a hand through his hair. "I think that's about it for my complaints for you, though. Mostly things are going well."

"Good to hear," Leonard said warmly. "Time for the usual checklist, then."

Jim tried to be patient as they worked through the standard questions, and stood when they were through them. "You'll send the script for the cream to the same pharmacy I get the Alviamon, right?" he checked, knowing Leonard was careful but still feeling a little paranoid. 

"Of course," Leonard said seriously. "And if you ever change pharmacies, you just let me know and I'll forward your scripts somewhere else."

"Thanks." Jim hesitated, pressed his lips together before making himself ask, "Do you have a few names of other doctors you want me to look into?"

Leonard gave him a surprised smile. "You're ready to start doing some background checks, huh?" he said. "That's fantastic, I'm really glad to hear it."

"I'm ready to start considering the background checks," Jim said with a little shrug. "I figure if I have the names I can check them out when I have a minute.” When he wasn’t already feeling jittery.

"Of course," Leonard said warmly. "All in your own time, it's not like there's a rush. I'll send the list to your comm." He’d started looking into people as soon as Jim agreed to consider the possibility, and he thought he had some good options. He only hoped Jim agreed.

Jim stuck his hands in his pockets. "Sure. I'll take a look. I figure after the summer," after they moved in together, anyway, "I should... maybe try it out with someone else."

Leonard smiled at him gently. "I appreciate you having a try," he admitted. "Even if it doesn't work out."

"I know," Jim said, looking at a holo screen on the wall rotating between anatomical views of different species' bodies. His voice was a little softer when he spoke. "I hate the idea of it coming back down on you somehow, if I get found out."

"Aww, Jim," Leonard said quietly. "You don't have to worry about that. The way we've handled this from my end is perfectly above-board. Us being so close personally is a bit dodgy, but your transition? Keeping that private? That's all sound medical practice."

"You don't think not turning me in for lying on my forms wouldn't affect you?" Jim asked, raising an eyebrow. "I know I'm transdynamic so whether or not I technically lied is probably a little up in the air, but..." He blew out a breath. "I'm not switching right away, anyway. It'll take a little while."

"You didn't disclose that you were transdynamic," Leonard said, "but you had already socially transitioned, and you'd been doing a very slipshod medical transition. I'm not a lawyer, but as far as I'm concerned, you signed up as a beta because you are a beta, and the people who needed to know - the ones providing medical care - now know."

Jim rocked back and forth on his feet. "You could be a lawyer," he said after a moment, juggling the feeling of relief and the lingering guilt that he'd potentially put Leonard's career at risk. "Could it come down on you if we're living together and you're still signing my scripts?"

Leonard made a face. "It's really not good practice," he admitted. "Frankly, even now we're close enough that I'd have gotten you seeing someone else if there weren't the other issues involved."

"It's not like there's any documentation of us being so close, though. Not like a lease," Jim pointed out. "...But, yeah, I'll check out your suggestions."

"No documentation, but plenty of testimony," Leonard replied. If he’d trusted Jim any less than he did… "You've got a therapist, so there is some oversight, and someone who can back up that you've got a reason to be sticking with me this far. Don't feel like you need to rush this. But when you're ready, it's important."

Jim nodded. "Yeah. Okay." He shifted again. "Anything else?"

Leonard shook his head. "Nah, we're good," he promised. He gestured to the door and added, "Go on, you're free until your next mandated check-up."

"Thank god," Jim said with a grateful groan, starting toward the door. "See you for dinner later?"

"See you later, kid," Leonard agreed.

Chapter Text

Abby bit her lip through a smile as she waited for the call to go through. The twins were at school but she'd gotten off the phone with Lilah half an hour ago and could barely contain her excitement. A pregnancy was always exciting, and now there was a baby shower to plan, some old clothes and toys of the twins' to go through, and a partially estranged brother to call.

Leonard's first thought when he saw Abby was calling was that something had gone horribly wrong. He snatched up his comm and blurted out: "Abby? What's happened?"

"Nothing's wrong, everyone's okay," Abby quickly promised. "Should I have messaged first? Is this a good time?"

Leonard let out a sigh of relief. "Not a bad time," he said. "I just worry."

"I know, you always do. But this is a good thing." Abby grinned, too excited to let him recover from the initial concern before announcing, "Lilah's pregnant ."

"Oh!" Leonard exclaimed, his brain still catching up. "Oh, she's - how far along?"

"Thirteen weeks. She told us all today, and told me she was alright with me passing it along to you," Abby added, her voice softening. "But both mama and baby are in good health so far." 

"Just the one, huh?" Leonard said fondly, sinking down onto the couch so he could relax. "You and Sam must be envying her about now." The twins had been exhausting when they were born.

"Is it awful I almost wish it was twins?" Abby said with a laugh. "Marco and Josh were both easy babies. Jo too. Meanwhile the two of ours were colicky little things. Clearly it's Sam's genes that are the problem."

Leonard snorted. "There's no such thing as an 'easy' baby," he said, "just an 'easier' one.” Josh hadn’t had issues with his health or sleeping, but Lilah had still looked exhausted most times Leonard saw her back then. “How are her kids taking the news?"

Abby snorted, too. "Marco doesn’t seem to mind. Josh is thoroughly skeptical, though. Ma suggested Li and Thiago get him a baby doll, which apparently she did for you, but I don't know that it helped you like me any more for the first twenty years of your life, so we'll see how he does with it."

"I liked you alright," Leonard objected, suppressing a laugh. "Liked you better than Lilah, at any road." Abby was closer to his age, and as a kid, that made a big difference.

"Oh, I'll tell her you said that," Abby teased, but her smile faltered a little—of course she wouldn't, not when Lilah and Len hadn't spoken in so long. "Do you want me to pass along a message? I can tell her you say 'congratulations'."

"Would you?" Leonard said hopefully. "Tell her congratulations, and I hope it's going alright, and I'll send something for the baby shower if she lets me."

Abby leaned back in her desk chair, spinning a little. "Of course, Len. I'll tell her. I can give you the link to her baby registry, when it comes out." She was hoping Lilah would reach out to Leonard herself, but she didn't want to get his hopes up yet. 

Leonard smiled softly. "Thank you," he said. "And how are you doing? And Sam and the kids?"

"Sam's having baby fever, but other than that, things are good," Abby rolled her eyes. "Han's been trying to figure out a new style for themself, so, you know, Eli is also starting to hate his old wardrobe. Sam and I are thinking about signing him up for some kinda extracurricular that Hannah's got no interest in."

"How did Little League pan out?" Leonard asked, remembering a tidbit from their last call.

"Hannah's loving it. Their favorite position right now is catcher, but then they get bored of it and want to be shortstop every now and then. They have very strong opinions about positions." Abby rolled her eyes fondly. "Eli's a little less interested in joining now, though. He's even had a couple playdates during their games."

"Hannah's using they now?" Leonard checked. He didn’t think Abby had mentioned it before. How long had that been happening? "At least the team sport's gonna give them some practice compromising with other kids."

Abby lit up a little. "Oh, yeah! It's a new thing, a few weeks. I couldn't remember if I'd told you or not. They said they still feel like their name fits, but I'll let you know if that changes." She leaned back. "Did you do little league? Someone did—I remember going to a few games, but I was too young for it to have been Lilah."

Leonard frowned, thinking back. "Wasn't me," he said. "I was never one for sports. Might've been Johnny? Aunt Susanna was splitting babysitting with Ma round about that age."

Abby smacked a hand to her forehead. "It was Johnny, you're so right. God, that's been bugging me for weeks. Did you get dragged to the games too?"

"Couple times," Leonard admitted ruefully. "But I usually managed to get away with going to the library instead."

"Course you did. I never would've been allowed off on my own." Abby scoffed. "Oldest sibling perks. How's everything with you?"

"Not bad," Leonard said. "We're coming up on the annual survival skills course, so Jim's fretting himself to death, but we'll get through it."

"Do you need to do that, too? It sounds intense." Abby frowned. "Is Jim your roommate? Sam said he heard all first year cadets get paired up in tiny dorms."

"It's compulsory for cadets," Leonard said. "And no, I have a room to myself.” He’d got lucky, being a ‘mature-age cadet’ by Starfleet standards, and a qualified doctor already. “Have I not told you about Jim?"

"Clearly you haven't." Abby leaned back again in her chair. "A friend?" 

Leonard contemplated having to explain his and Jim's...everything, and gave up. "We met on the way here," he said. "We were both messes - you know how I am with shuttles."

Abby let out a sympathetic laugh, remembering him throwing up before even boarding the last shuttle they took together. "Was he also afraid of flying?"

Leonard snorted. "Not even slightly," he said. "No, he hadn't cleaned up yet after a bar fight the night before. There we were - him with blood down his shirt and a black eye, me three seconds from throwing up everywhere - and everyone else on the shuttle was all buttoned up spick and span, ready to make a good impression on their first day at the Academy."

"Aw, two outcasts," Abby said, having missed teasing him, even if things were still a little tense between them, "I'm glad you made a friend on your first day of school, Len."

Leonard made a face. "He's a limpet," he grumbled. "Latched onto me and didn't let go."

"You sound very inconvenienced about it, worrying about how stressed he is and telling me you'll get through it together," Abby said with a grin.

"...he's grown on me," Leonard conceded.

Abby hummed. "Right. So, just a friend, or...?"

Leonard sighed. There weren’t any better words for it, but Jim hadn’t ever been ‘just’ anything in his life, and he certainly wasn’t now. "It's complicated," he admitted. "He's not my boyfriend, but I'm pretty sure half his friends think he is."

"Really?" Abby asked, and sat up a little, surprised despite her teasing. "Is that the sort of complicated you want to talk about, or the kind you want to let shake out on its own first?"

Leonard shrugged helplessly. "I honestly couldn't explain it," he admitted. "We aren't fucking, and I don't think we will? But he sleeps in my bed most nights, and we're planning to get an apartment together next year."

"...Definitely sounds complicated," Abby agreed, though she smiled softly. "I'm glad you've got someone there. I worry about you, all alone out in San Francisco.”

"Aww, Abby," Leonard said quietly. "You make it sound like I'm out in the Neutral Zone. I haven't even left the continent."

"It's still a shuttle ride away. To you, it's practically the same." She pressed her lips together. "I was thinking, maybe we could get you on a video call with Han and Eli sometime? When you're free, anyway. I'm sure your schedule's packed."

"I'm never too busy to make time for family," Leonard said firmly. "I'll check my schedule and send you some times."

"Yes, please do." Abby hummed. "They're getting to that age now where they're going to need even more adults in their lives that aren't their parents to go to, you know? And they miss you."

Leonard softened. "I miss them too," he said quietly. "Of course I'll call. And I've got no problem with you passing on my comm info if they ever want it."

"I'll do that," Abby promised, voice just as quiet. "...I should get going. Lilah's coming by tonight with Thiago and Marco, and it's about time to start meal prepping. But I'll pass on your message to her."

"Thanks, Abby," Leonard said fondly. "Have a good night."

"You, too. Love you," Abby added, almost impulsively. She'd told him that maybe a handful of times before, but it felt less like a given, now.

"Love you, Abby," Leonard said softly.

The next day, Jim found himself looking around the baby store, feeling more than a little lost. "I think the last time I was in a store like this, I was a fetus," he mused, following Leonard under the assumption he knew what he was doing. "Do you have an idea of what you wanna get?"

"Well, Abby sent me Lilah's baby registry," Leonard said, passing Jim a PADD he'd already loaded up. "So that's a possible starting place. But...I don't know."

Jim started looking through it; clothes, toys, books, and then all the practical things like diapers. "Huh," he said, still scrolling. "Do you have any idea what the rest of your family's gonna get her? You could try and get one of the things no one would think to get her from the registry." 

"My grandparents always do baby blankets," Leonard said, wandering down the aisles in search of inspiration. "Ma's side has a tradition of these gorgeous hand-knitted blankets, so then Nana decided she was gonna retaliate by giving a set of machine-washable ones that you don't have to worry about the baby throwing up on."

Jim snorted. "So she won't need blankets," he said, handing the PADD back to Leonard. He picked up a soft baby book, the pages crinkling, then put it back down. "Do you want to be the fun uncle? You could get some toys."

"Maybe," Leonard said noncommittally. They reached a display of nursery furniture and he shook his head. "Definitely none of that," he said. "Lillah already has most of it from Marco and Josh, and it'll be a nuisance to get to her anyway."

"So, something small, something she'll still need despite this being her third kid. Diapers?" Jim shrugged, spinning a mobile over a display crib. 

"Maybe," Leonard allowed. To get to the diapers, they had to walk past the wipes and creams and other hygiene stuff, and Leonard stopped when he spotted a bright yellow jar labelled 'Sunshine Belly Butter'. "I remember this stuff."

Jim glanced over. "Did you and Jocelyn use it?" he asked.

Leonard huffed a fond laugh. "Oh, all of us did," he said, picking it up and turning it in his hand. "Every time there was a family pregnancy, Da would put together a kit of bits and pieces like that. He'd buy one of the huge jars, and you'd always think 'there's no way we're getting through that', but it's surprisingly useful."

"Is anyone else going to get this for her?" Jim asked, looking at Leonard. "Because she might not think to get a big jar of it, if it was always your dad who did that."

"I..." Leonard hesitated, then got out his comm and called Abby.

"Hey," Abby answered, pleasantly surprised. She had her comm between her ear and shoulder as she typed on her PADD. "Everything okay?"

"I'm fine," Leonard reassured her, "I just wanted to run something by you." He glanced at Jim and took a deep breath. "Is it horrible and insensitive of me to put together one of Dad's pregnancy packs for Lilah?"

"Oh," Abby breathed, like the air was punched out of her. Her hands stilled, and she bit her lip. "No, I... I don't think so. He always said it was a doctor thing, giving practical gifts."

Leonard swallowed hard. "I remember what to look for," he said. "Could I... I don't want to make a big fuss out of it, in case it upsets someone."

Abby shook her head a little. "Send it to me. I'll give it to her after the shower when it's just the two of us, okay?"

"Thanks, Abby," Leonard said quietly. "Sorry to interrupt your day, I just...didn't want to do that without checking with someone." God knows he’d have been a mess if he’d got a gift like that.

"It's fine. I'm glad you called," Abby promised. "I think... it might have caught her off guard if you'd just sent it right to her, and opening it at the shower..." She wasn't sure how their mom would react.

Jim gave Leonard's wrist a supportive squeeze.

"Yeah," Leonard agreed, his voice rough with emotion. "I'll let you go."

Abby had been okay, she hadn’t been crying, until she heard Len so close to tears. She wiped her eyes and sniffed. "You do that,” she said. “I'll send you my address in case you forgot. Bye," she added, and quickly ended the call. 

Leonard tipped his head back, closing his eyes as he tried not to cry. "Guess I know what I'm looking for, then," he said hoarsely.

"C'mere," Jim said softly, and tugged him into a hug. "It's a really nice idea, Bones. She's gonna love it." He hoped, anyway. 

"It's probably gonna make her cry," Leonard admitted. "I think I just made Abby cry."

Jim rubbed his back with a soft smile. "Then you'd better get her good stuff to make it worth it. And throw something in for Abby, too."

"Good idea," Leonard said, pulling back and clearing his throat. "C'mon then. We'll need to go to a pharmacy as well."

Jim thought about the jars and other little things they'd be picking up and popped his lips. "I'll go get a basket. You start collecting the stuff you want to get from here instead of the pharmacy."

"Thanks, Jim," Leonard said quietly. "And thanks for coming with me."

Jim gave his hand a squeeze. "You know I'm happy to," he murmured.

Lilah had been staring between her comm and Leonard's gift basket for thirty minutes, letting Thiago, Abby, and Sam worry about the kids and the clean up from the shower. She typed a message, deleted it, and then tried again. This was too complicated to just send a message about. ‘Hi,’ she wrote. ‘Can I call?’

Leonard, who had spent most of the afternoon waiting to hear what happened, replied immediately: ‘Of course.’  

Lilah pressed the call, and then got up and went to her room as it connected for a little more privacy, quiet while she waited for him to pick up.

"Hey, Lilah," Leonard said once his comm connected. "Congratulations." He didn’t bother to get up and leave the living room, even though Jim was listening. He’d tell Jim about it anyway.

"Hey," Lilah said, letting out a little breath. It was strange, hearing his voice again. "Thanks. For the gift, too."

Leonard let out a relieved whoosh of air. "If I'd gotten it wrong, I'd've blamed Abby," he told her. "She okayed the idea."

"She already said it was your idea," Lilah said with a hint of a smile. She sat on the end of her bed, not sure what else to say.

"How are you doing?" Leonard asked, before the silence could get awkward. "Not just with the pregnancy."

"Alright. Busy, you know." Lilah shifted, the rustle of her clothes audible over the comm line. "You?"

"I'm okay," he reassured her. "Much better than when you last saw me. I'm doing clinical work again, while they train me up on the xeno stuff and all the standard officer things."

"It's weird to think of you in Starfleet," Lilah admitted. "They all seem so... buttoned up. But you like it?"

Leonard laughed. "That's what they look like in uniform," he said. "This place has as much chaos as any college campus."

"Really?" Lilah snorted a little at the image of her oldest sibling back surrounded by eighteen-year-olds. "Abby said you made a friend there."

Leonard wondered what else Abby had seen fit to share. "Yeah, Jim latched onto me on the shuttle here," he said. "He's a good friend, even if he is doing his best to get me to sign up for a ship placement."

"I'd say I couldn't imagine it, but a year ago I'd've said that about you joining Starfleet," Lilah said, and then frowned. She couldn’t have imagined a lot of the things he'd done. "Listen, I'm— I don't know that I'm... I'm not Abby, okay? I can't just..." She trailed off, swallowed. "Thank you for the package. Really. It means a lot."

Leonard pressed his lips together and let out a slow breath. "...I know," he said quietly. "I don't blame anyone for... for not being comfortable around me."

"I'm not uncomfortable ," Lilah replied, and sighed, rubbing at the bridge of her nose. "I don't know what I am. Guess I just wanted to hear you're okay."

"I'm okay," Leonard reassured her, grateful she wanted to know that much. "I'm okay, and I'm not drinking like I was, and I'm gonna be fine. I'll still be here, when you're ready to reach out again."

Lilah closed her eyes, feeling them tear up. "Thanks. I'll— if anything comes up with the baby, or the kids, I'll make sure you know." Even if she was going to be a coward and would make Abby do it.

"Thank you," Leonard murmured, wishing he could hug her. "Take care of yourself, okay? Don't let the boys run you ragged."

"I will. And you, too. Don't work so much you don't sleep," Lilah told him, and wiped under her eyes. He was always the worst when he hadn't slept. 

"Alright, alright," Leonard said, smiling at the familiar nagging. "Love you, Lilah."

"...Yeah, you too," Lilah said quickly, throat feeling tight. "Bye, Len."

Leonard hung up and put down his comm, then glanced over at Jim on the other side of the room. "You don't have to pretend you weren't eavesdropping," he said dryly. Jim had just 'happened' to show up around the time the baby shower was scheduled, and had just 'happened' to be studying in the living room when Lilah called. The same way Jim used to just ‘happen’ to be around when Leonard had gaps in his class schedule.

Jim looked up with an intentionally nonchalant expression. "Eavesdropping on what? I didn't even realize you were here," he joked, then closed out of the textbook he was reading and gave Leonard a careful look-over. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Leonard said with a sigh. "Yeah, I'm okay." He looked Jim over, and added, "Thanks for being here in case it went badly."

Jim left his stuff on the table to join Leonard on the couch, sitting right next to him and putting a hand on his knee. "You seemed worried about it," he said, figuring that was explanation enough.

"Lilah had a rough time when Da died," Leonard said quietly, leaning against him. "His whole illness, really. Josh was only just born around then."

"Ah," Jim replied, matching his tone and putting an arm around him. "Did she seem interested in talking more?"

"Not yet," Leonard admitted. "I think she'll keep her distance for a while. But she called, and she was glad I sent what I did, and she wanted to know I was okay."

"That's not nothing," Jim said, his voice hopeful. "Shows she cares about you, and she could have just sent a message, or sent her thanks through Abby."

"Yeah," Leonard agreed. It could have been a lot worse. "Yeah."

Jim brushed through the hair at the side of his head. "I think you need a distraction," he decided.

Leonard snorted. "That's your usual solution," he pointed out.

"For things you can't immediately change, it's a pretty damn good one," Jim told him cheerfully. "How's a bar sound? We could try one of the queer spots tonight."

"You just wanted an excuse to try them," Leonard told him. "Yeah, alright, you can drag me out."

"Really?" Jim grinned and twisted to face him. "There's this one in the Castro I've been wanting to check out that I think the both of us'll like."

"Really," Leonard confirmed. "But you're not dressing me up, got it?"

"Can I at least pick something for you to wear?" Jim asked, already determined to. "Nothing too tight or dressy - it's not that kind of place."

Leonard sighed, shaking his head ruefully. "Something from my own wardrobe," he warned.

Jim grinned and got up, already starting toward Bones’ room (and closet). "I can work with that."

Chapter Text

In the end, Jim was pretty pleased about Leonard’s outfit: nothing complicated, but the dark jeans fitted him well, and the button down with its sleeves rolled up showed off his forearms really nicely. He'd picked the bar with Leonard in mind specifically, somewhere a little more low key than some other places he’d heard of. There were booths lining the walls around some pool tables, low lighting, music you didn't have to shout over, and the place was covered with holo- and paper-posters of old drag performances that seemed decades old. "You grab us a table and I'll get us drinks?" he offered as they stepped inside.

"I can probably handle that," Leonard agreed, looking around curiously. He could see a couple of booths free, and one of them was even clear of glasses, so he headed in that direction, trusting Jim to find him later.

Jim chatted with the bartender as she prepped the drinks, a few more people trickling while he waited. A few minutes later, he slid into the booth next to Bones, passing him a whiskey on the rocks and taking a sip of his own whiskey sour. "What do you think?" he asked, as if they weren't there for Bones, not him. 

Leonard gave him a dry look. "Well, it's clean, and they've got enough ventilation that it's not clogged up with everyone's scent," he said. "What do you think?"

It was much easier focusing on Bones' experience of the place than his own, and how he felt simultaneously exposed and oddly comfortable. "Yeah, I like it," Jim said lightly, looking around. 

"Did you spot anyone interesting?" Leonard prompted curiously. Jim had been at the bar long enough to notice some people, if he was paying attention.

Jim shrugged and sipped his drink, leaning back in the booth. "I wasn't looking too hard. But you're right the scents aren't overwhelming. I wonder if they do that intentionally."

Leonard snorted. "I've certainly seen places where they were and that was intentional," he said. "And obnoxious."

Jim made a face. "There was this club like that in Riverside. It'd give me a headache for a week. I still went," he added, "but it was bad."

Leonard hummed agreement. "See anyone you like?" he asked, gesturing at the room.

Jim looked around, catching the eye of a woman by the bar, who smiled. He smiled back. "Maybe one or two people," he said. "Are you looking?"

"Nah," Leonard said comfortably, raising his glass in a mock-toast. "I'm your wingman tonight."

Jim clinked their glasses. "To getting me laid tonight," he teased, waggling his eyebrows, despite the fact that he wasn't sure exactly what he wanted.

Leonard took a sip of his whiskey, then looked around again, his eyes catching on the drag posters. "Do you think they do actual drag shows here, or is that just for aesthetics?" he asked idly.

"They do the shows," Jim said, following his gaze. He'd done a lot of reading up on the bar before choosing it. "I heard there's this one queer omega that's pretty well known and comes through every year or so. Her shtick is about being a posturing alpha who likes to throw his scent around."

"Huh," Leonard said. "Does she use synthetic scent, or is it all body language?"

"Depends on the show, I think," Jim said, like he hadn't also read up on this. "Next time she comes to town, I might try and come by."

"Sounds like fun," Leonard commented. He took another sip of his drink, pressing his leg against Jim's under the table. "If you ever did drag, would you go alpha or omega? You could do femme beta, I guess, but that seems kinda boring."

"Omega, I think," Jim said with a little grin, pressing back. "It'd be fun to... parody it, sort of. What about you?"

Leonard laughed. "I was wondering if you'd say that," he admitted. Jim was so dramatic sometimes, he'd probably enjoy drag. "For me...god, I don't know. Probably just femme beta, I don't know if I could pull off omega."

"You could pull off a femme beta," Jim said, with an assessing gaze raking over him. "I bet you could do an alpha if you wanted to, but it might take you a while to get into character."

Leonard made a face. "I dunno, for a beta guy..." he said slowly. "There's an assumption out there that I'd want to seem alpha. I don't know if I could pull off making a joke of that."

"We should check out some of the performances," Jim decided, bumping their knees again. "I'd be curious to see how a beta would play an alpha and there's gotta be some out there."

"Probably with a padded codpiece," Leonard muttered into his drink.

Jim laughed and started to scoot out of the bar. "Probably," he agreed, taking his drink with him. "I'm gonna go make the rounds, socialize a little. Might start up a game of pool, if you're interested."

"Sure, I could go for that," Leonard agreed, smiling at him. "But don't let me keep you from socialising. I'll be around."

"You're not gonna stop me, don't worry," Jim said happily. He headed off to chat up the woman who'd made eyes on him across the bar, and then circle around the room when the conversation didn't go anywhere. 

He was almost done with his second drink when he found Bones again. "How's it going?" he asked, leaning into him.

Leonard unthinkingly wrapped an arm around Jim's waist to steady him. "I'm alright," he said, nodding at one of the pool tables. "I've been watching the game. Guy in the red shirt has some nice trick shots."

"He's got a lot of nice things going for him," Jim said low enough just for Bones to hear as his eyes fell to the flexing of Red Shirt's muscles as he lined up another shot. "You make any friends?"

"Just some friendly nods," Leonard said, shaking his head. "Figured I'd leave the socialising to you."

"I did make some friends," Jim said happily. "Chatted with a few regulars."

"Good for you!" Leonard said warmly. "Anyone you're interested in?"

"Well, someone asked if my partner and I were up for something, but I didn't think you'd be interested," Jim teased, nudging him. "Other than that, someone gave me their number."

Leonard laughed, covering up his chagrin with humour. "If they're assuming I'm your partner, I think I'm doing the wingman thing wrong.”

"Oh, yeah, you suck at this," Jim said, laughing as well. "But I'm making out okay on my own, so I'm not worried. Want another drink? I'm gonna go for another."

"You gonna find someone to buy it for you?" Leonard teased.

"I think I might," Jim said happily, and downed the rest of his drink. "How quick do you think I could manage it?"

Leonard made a show of looking around the bar, weighing up the possibilities. "If you can do it in under five minutes, I'll buy your next one," he offered.

"You're on," Jim said, and sauntered off to the bar. 

He made it back in about four and a half minutes, hair a little messed up from the handsy guy who bought his drink. "How's my time?" he asked, grinning.

Leonard had watched him the whole time, but made a point of ostentatiously checking the clock over the bar. "Not bad," he teased. "Have fun?"

Jim glanced back at the bar, where the same guy was still smiling at him. He couldn't tell for sure, but he was half convinced the guy was a transdynamic omega. "So much," he said happily, taking another long sip from his drink. "You having fun?"

"Sure," Leonard said warmly. "You know, if you wanted to talk to them some more, I'm not gonna mind."

Jim considered, rocked back on his heels. "I might. But you don't have to stand around and wait for me, okay?"

"Is that you saying you don't know how long you'll be, or are you hinting you've found someone to go home with?" Leonard asked. The two had seemed to get along pretty well, and they had been planning for Jim to try and get laid.

"Don't know how long I'll be," Jim answered easily, and sipped his drink again. "I wasn't actually planning on going home with anyone." Though that could change.

"Well, don't worry about me," Leonard reassured him, clapping him on the shoulder. "I'm having enough fun watching your shenanigans."

Jim's semi-drunk brain went off on a tangent about Bones watching him and his shenanigans with cute possibly-trans-omega at the bar, and he took a sip of his drink to stop himself blurting out something he shouldn’t. "I'll comm you if I think I'm gonna take a while, or leave," he said instead, leaning into Bones for a moment. 

"Thanks," Leonard said, hugging him while he could. "But kid, we're at a queer bar, and someone just bought you a drink and kissed the hell out of you. Go have fun."

Jim laughed, and had another sip of his drink. "Alright. But you still owe me a drink," he told Bones happily, and rubbed at his back before pulling away. 

"Later," Leonard promised. "I won't forget."

Jim found Leonard again thirty minutes later, his hair possibly a little more ruffled from some quality time spent in the bathroom. "He doesn't like to leave the bar with people," he explained, speaking loudly to be heard over the music—and a little louder than necessary because drinks three and four were hitting him. He leaned into Bones. "How're you doing?"

Leonard carefully didn't try to catch Jim's scent, not sure he wanted to know what it would tell him, but he did wrap an arm around Jim's waist to hug him close. "I'm good," he said warmly. "Ready to head home, or do you want to flirt with more people?"

Jim leaned more of his weight into him with a blissful smile. "I think I'm flirted out for the night. Take me home, doctor."

"Alright, alright," Leonard said ruefully, guiding Jim towards the door. "I've got a name, you know, not that you ever use it."

"Sorry, Leonard ," Jim snorted, standing up straighter to make it through the door and enjoying the cool night air, "my apologies, Leonard . Did you have a good time tonight, Leonard ?"

"Christ almighty, you don't let up, do you?" Leonard grumbled, though he didn't let go.

Laughing easily, Jim elbowed him. "The last question was real. Did you have fun?"

"I had a good time," Leonard reassured him, fond despite himself. "It was good, seeing you happy and comfortable."

Jim turned his head into Bones' shoulder, letting him guide them. "Thanks for going with me. I couldn't've gone on my own. Not like that."

"Aw, you just needed some help to get through the door," Leonard said sympathetically, hugging him tighter for a second.

"And a hot beta to smell like," Jim joked, lowering his voice a bit. He knew his scent was in range for betas now, but that didn't mean he felt completely secure in passing yet.

"Jim," Leonard said sympathetically. "Your scent is fine. Not that I'm sniffing you right now , but there's nothing in your scent to undermine your presentation."

"I definitely smell like an omega now," Jim said with a grin, an easier topic than his normal scent. "From my new friend."

"Why d'you think I'm not sniffing you," Leonard grumbled. It didn’t really bother him, but he wasn’t interested in chasing the scent.

Jim laughed easily, and leaned into Bones again. "We should do this again. Maybe next week we'll go out?"

"You want me to keep coming with you?" Leonard asked. "Seems like you did just fine on your own, once you got started."

Jim shrugged. "I like your company," he said simply. 

Leonard softened, and let go of Jim's waist for a second to scrub a hand through his hair, mixing their scents together. "Same here," he murmured.

Jim gave him a playful nudge, then brushed through his hair, too. "You smell good," he said, drunk enough to not think hard about it.

Leonard laughed quietly. "I hope you wouldn't be sleeping in my bed if I smelled bad ," he replied.

Jim laughed as well. "If you did smell bad, I'd find a polite excuse to sleep elsewhere. Like my own bed for a change. I hope my roommate doesn't think I'm dead."

Given that most of Jim’s clothes now lived in a duffel bag shoved in a corner of Leonard's bedroom, he went back to his own dorm even less than he had before. "I'm sure they'd pick it up from the campus grapevine if you were," Leonard pointed out.

"I am a favorite topic of conversation," Jim said happily, and slung his arm around Leonard's waist again. "I've got... a couple rumors out there now. Funny ones."

"Yeah?" Leonard prompted. They'd reached a transport hub now, and he steered Jim to one of the waiting vehicles.

"One's that I'm secretly celibate," Jim said with a grin, plopping onto one of the cushioned seats and turning to look at Bones. 

Leonard snorted. "What, because no one gets your pants all the way off?"

Jim shrugged, leaning into him. "Who knows? But probably. Even though I can do plenty with my pants half on or the lights low enough."

"Like you did tonight?" Leonard guessed.

"Oh. Uh. No," Jim admitted, and glanced at Bones with a blushy smile. "He was... he understood. So it... it wasn't a big deal."

Leonard beamed back at him. "That's great!" he said warmly. "Good for you, darlin'."

Jim wrinkled his nose through a blush. "It's not gonna happen again anytime soon, but—it was fine. Good."

"No?" Leonard prompted curiously. "Not gonna go back and find someone similar?"

"I dunno," Jim said, rubbing a hand at the back of his neck, and then up through his hair, not sure why there was the uncomfortable hyper-awareness of his body that came with dysphoria now that he was thinking about it, despite having had a fantastic time during. He looked around, reminding himself they were alone in the transport car. "I— Yeah. Probably. It was really good. But I... thought maybe I'd like being fingered by someone who'd not be weird about it, and I did at the time, really did, and now, I don't know."

"Aww, sweetheart," Leonard said sympathetically, hugging Jim against him. "Does it help at all if I tell you I've been fingered, and fucked, and had a great time doing it?"

"Vaginally?" Jim asked dryly, leaning into him more.

Leonard snorted, rubbing his arm. "Funny enough, no," he admitted.

Jim turned his face into Leonard's shoulder. "Wouldn't say you're missing out, though it's not half bad, depending on the day."

"A ringing endorsement," Leonard replied dryly.

Jim snorted. "I'm sure other people have nicer things to say about it. It's a little better now than it used to be. But I don't have to go into detail."

"Sounds like a successful experiment," Leonard pointed out, ruffling Jim's hair again. "You tried it out, nothing went horribly wrong, and now you know what it's like for you."

"That's a good way to look at it," Jim said, closing his eyes. "And I could go back and find someone else and just... not do that specific thing."

"Exactly," Leonard agreed. "There are plenty of folks with vaginas out there who like sex but don't like vaginal penetration. And not just trans ones."

"I guess, yeah," Jim replied softly, and made a face. "I'm getting sad drunk. I need another drink to get back to the fun drunk again."

Leonard hummed. "You just need a bit of a pick-me-up," he said. "Wanna stick your face in my neck while I pet your hair?"

"I think another drink would work better," Jim grumbled despite the fact that it did sound good. He turned, shifted sideways until he was practically on Leonard's lap, and buried his face in his neck. "...Thanks."

Leonard reached up, combing his fingers through Jim's hair and scritching his fingernails over his scalp. "I've got you, kid," he said fondly. "You're fine."

Jim closed his eyes, breathing in the calming smell of Leonard underneath the scent of beta, the smell of his soap, the tang of disinfectant Bones couldn't quite get rid of after all the hours spent working. "You don't mind this?" he checked softly.

"I don't mind," Leonard reassured him softly. "It's soothing." Jim was warm and comfortable in his arms, and his hair was soft under his fingers.

Jim let out a breath and relaxed more against him. "...It's a good thing I lean toward being submissive in bed, or else I'd be having all kinds of feelings about how much of an omega move this is," he mumbled, as if he and his therapist hadn't spent multiple sessions untangling that. 

"Literally everyone gets comfort from sticking their face in the right person's scent sometimes," Leonard pointed out. "The most dominant, macho alpha out there still does it now and then." 

Jim grumbled again, this time wordlessly, just wanting to make his complaint about Bones not letting him sulk known. He moved himself fully onto Bones' lap to rest against his chest. 

Leonard laughed fondly, moving his hand down to rub Jim's back. "You're fine, kid," he said fondly. "Cuddle away."

"Lemme know when we get there," Jim said, nosing at his neck and letting out another breath. "I'm not paying attention."

"Of course," Leonard promised, rubbing his cheek over the top of Jim's head. "I've got you."

Jim let himself zone out against him, letting the excitement and stress fade as he started sobering.

Eventually, the transport pulled to a stop. "Time to get up, darlin'," Leonard said fondly.

Jim stood with minimal grumbling, considering he was feeling better now. He stepped out of the transport first, and slid an arm around Bones' waist when he joined him. "I'm much closer to sober now," he said ruefully.

"Still a little mopey?" Leonard teased gently.

"If I say yes, do I get more of your pick-me-up later?" Jim asked with a smile.

Leonard laughed. "If you ask nicely."

Jim opened his mouth, reconsidered the initial lewd comment he planned to make, looked at Bones, and settled for something milder. "...I can't tell if that's you telling me to use my manners or something else."

"Ah, shit," Leonard said ruefully, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Didn't even pick that that was innuendo."

"It was such a line," Jim said with a soft laugh, bumping Leonard's shoulder, before deciding to go easy on him. "I'll ask nicely in the most non-sexual way I can."

Leonard shook his head and ruffled JIm's hair again. "Thanks, kid."

Jim fell into a comfortable quiet as they made their way into Bones' building and up toward his dorm. "I'm not, like, trying to get anywhere with you," he said outside the door as Bones put his code in, "when I say things like that. And I'd stop if it bothered you."

Leonard glanced sideways at him, thinking through how he wanted to answer. "...I know," he said, once they were inside. "I set that boundary, you've always respected it. You're just a habitual flirt."

"Exactly," Jim agreed, relieved that Leonard understood. He slipped his shoes off, and, before he could think about it and come to the conclusion that his jump in conversation topic would be too easy to follow, added, "Did I tell you I looked at the list of doctors you sent me?" 

"Yeah?" Leonard said warmly, heading to the kitchen area. "What'd you think of them?"

Jim's mouth twisted with wry humor as he followed him. "I liked one of them. Dr. Dobrin? She seemed good. Competent. Kinda reminded me of you, from the patient reviews I read about her."

Leonard smiled and handed him a glass of water. "Drink that," he said. "Dobrin's not bad. Think you're up for meeting her, or do you want to give yourself some more time to weigh it up, first?"

"I have an appointment for next week," Jim answered mildly, and had a small sip. "Tuesday. Is she going to have access to all my records right away?"

Leonard raised his eyebrows, but since Jim was treating this as no big deal, he did his best to match that. "She won't get the sealed section," he said. "She'll see that there is one, but not what's in it."

Nodding, Jim had another little sip. "That's what my therapist said, but they did say I should double check with you." That, and a lot of other things about it, including that he should tell Bones he made the appointment. "If I hate her, I might need to go back through the list with you. But do you think I'll like her?"

Leonard looked at him gently, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I'll go over the list as many times as you need," he said quietly. "I'll make new lists as many times as you need. But Dobrin's sensible and respectful, and she knows how to listen and when to bend the rules to get a patient what they need. You'll be alright."

Jim stepped closer, leaning against his chest while carefully holding the glass to not spill on them. "Thanks," he murmured, not meeting his eye. "I'll let you know how it goes."

"You do that," Leonard replied. "I need to know whether to recommend her to my other patients."

"Can I recommend you to some of my friends from group?" Jim asked, pulling back enough to have more water. "I know some need new doctors, too."

Leonard smiled at him. "If you want to recommend me, I must be doing something right," he said. "Sure, go ahead."

Jim raised an eyebrow at him. "You're not half bad on good days," he teased, trying to paraphrase himself from earlier. 

Leonard snorted. "On my good days, huh?"

Jim hummed, smirking, and finished his glass. "Do I smell okay enough to get in bed without showering?"

Leonard looked him over, then nodded. "But wash your face and brush your teeth, at least," he warned. "I don't want your beer breath in my face."

Jim put his glass on the counter and went to the bathroom, then came out smelling of toothpaste and Bones' facewash. He started stripping when he made it to the bedroom. "I did have a good time," he said, in case Bones thought otherwise because of his slight freak out in the transport.

"I know," Leonard reassured him, heading for the bathroom. "You just needed a minute. Get comfy, I'll be back in a second."

Jim changed into a t-shirt and boxers and did just that, turning his face into Bones' pillow as he waited for him to come back.

"Stealing my spot, huh?" Leonard teased when he came back and saw him. "Is there any room for me in there?"

"There's room," Jim said, grudgingly moving over and then patting the bed in offering. "Just making sure the bed still smells good."

Leonard snorted, getting in next to him and pulling up the covers. "You're ridiculous," he said. "I hope you know that."

"I am very self-aware," Jim said solemnly, and cuddled up with him, brushing a kiss to his forehead. "Night, Bones."

"G'night, kid," Leonard murmured. "Sleep well."

Chapter Text

Jim let himself into their quarters and shrugged off his coat, then plopped on the couch next to where Bones was. "Hey," he said, nonchalant.

Leonard had been waiting all afternoon to hear what had happened at Jim's appointment with Dr Dobrin, and he wasn't going to beat around the bush now Jim was finally here. "Hey," he replied. "Did Dobrin declare me a talentless hack?"

"Yep," Jim answered, toeing his shoes off. "She's starting a petition to send you back to med school."

Well, if Jim was joking about it, it probably hadn't gone too badly. "Damn," Leonard said lightly. "Guess you'll need a new doctor in the interim. Think she'll do?"

Jim rolled his eyes at Leonard's attempt at subtlety. "She'll do. Didn't mention everything, but I'll bring it up at the next appointment."

From Jim, about a doctor, 'she'll do' was a ringing endorsement. Leonard wrapped an arm around his shoulders in a quick hug, and murmured in his ear, "I know you don't want to hear it, but I'm proud of you."

Jim made a face, but burrowed even more firmly into his side. "It's just a doctor’s appointment. Not like I fought a group of angry Klingons." Though his scent shifted to something a little more sour, since he'd typically prefer the Klingons.

"I'm not your therapist, but I'm guessing they’d have something to say about that," Leonard commented, rubbing Jim's arm. "It was hard, and you did it. You can be proud of that."

Jim gave into the temptation to turn his face into Bones' shoulder. "They’d tell me they’re proud of me, too," he grumbled, " and they know why I hate doctors, so it'll be... a whole thing."

"It's a rough life," Leonard teased gently. "Having sympathetic people validate and encourage you. Bad for the digestion."

Jim snorted. "I think I'm developing acid reflux as we speak," he deadpanned, then added, "It's not even something like being scarred from a bad doctor, or that I experienced harassment because of the transdynamic thing. Just... bad associations with the stuff that led to me needing a lot of medical care as a kid."

"Ah," Leonard said quietly, putting some pieces together. "Medical contexts are a trigger for the trauma, not the trauma itself. Good to know."

"Right. So expect a bad night's sleep tonight," Jim added dryly. 

"Hey." Leonard hugged him closer for a second. "Have I ever, even once , complained about your nightmares?"

"Obviously not," Jim answered, slumping into him. "I know you're never going to, either, but that doesn't mean it's not annoying."

"Course it is," Leonard said sympathetically. "Nightmares are shit, trauma is shit, trauma getting triggered by perfectly innocuous parts of everyday life is shit. It's all a bunch of crap."

Jim snorted and turned his face into him again. "That about sums it up, yeah," he mumbled. "You're so... good , you know that? Feels like I could throw anything at you and you'll respond how I need you to."

Leonard made a face. "Sometime I'm gonna fuck it up, you know," he warned. "You can't - no-one's always perfect." He swallowed, and made himself add, "You gonna forgive me when I do?"

Jim burrowed closer. "I think I'd forgive you for pretty much anything," he admitted quietly, reaching for Bones' other hand to hold in his. "I'm not leaving."

Leonard closed his eyes, squeezing Jim's hand. "Thanks, kid," he said roughly. "I... Thanks."

Jim squeezed back, looking down at Bones' hand. He knew Bones was feeling his own shit now, but it all felt close to the surface and if he didn't say anything now, he wasn't sure he'd get the nerve again. "...I was one of the nine survivors on Tarsus IV. Figured I'll have nightmares tonight, anyway, so, may as well bring that up." He cleared his throat. "You don't have to worry about it. About me. I'm being therapized and I'm getting all my vitamins, and whatnot." 

"Shit." Leonard's mind went blank as he tried to process the enormity of that statement. He'd figured Jim had had some kinda food insecurity in his past, but frankly, he'd assumed an abusive or neglectful parent. Not the worst genocide in a century. Not a case that had been brought up in class about why Starfleet officers needed to be ready for anything. He'd seen pictures of the Tarsus Nine. Faces left out, but documentation of their condition, as a rare example of pediatric starvation from this century. They'd been such outliers, the medical team had been trialling treatment methods that weren't even available the last time anyone had seen something that bad. And that was only the physical trauma of it. "Shit, Jim."

Jim hesitated, still looking down at Bones' hand in his. "I'm not— I'm doing fine now. But I know I get— I can be weird about survival training and I'll be weird after, and you'll see all of that now, since we're... spending more time together."

"Jesus, kid, of course you do," Leonard said. "A buncha idiots lost in the wilderness, it must drive you nuts."

Jim tilted his head back on Leonard's shoulder. "Starfleet doesn't prep for what it'd really be like. They teach them how to conserve rations for a week, maybe. Not the bare minimum they could survive on if they had to," he said quietly. "And half the cadets don't take it seriously because they know they're getting back on a shuttle in a few days."

Leonard combed his fingers through Jim's hair, thinking through his answer. "I get a different perspective from you," he said eventually. "Since I'm already practicing, I spend more time with officers, not just other cadets. And from what I can tell, everyone expects the just-graduated cadets to still be mostly clueless about just about everything."

"I don't know if that's better or worse," Jim grumbled, leaning into the comfort of Bones' hand in his hair. "Do the officers do any better?"

"They do," Leonard reassured him. "Jim, don't think about it as training cadets to lead a survival scenario. Think about it as training cadets to not panic in a survival scenario, and not to make stupid mistakes that their commanding officer won't catch in time."

"I guess that's fairly accurate," Jim said quietly. "...Pike offered to override the training requirement for me, so long as I attend all the prep classes."

"I can see why he offered," Leonard said neutrally. "Why'd you say no?"

"There's still stuff I can learn," Jim admitted, his voice going tighter. "I was in a specific circumstance, a specific environment that I was familiar with. When I'm a captain, I could be left on... I don’t know, an ice planet on my own for weeks. The training could actually help me with that."

"It can help you get used to different kinds of environments," Leonard agreed, keeping his hand moving through Jim's hair. "But being on your own for weeks, it's not going to give you everything you need for that, because you're supposed to learn that on the job from your commanding officers."

Jim grimaced. "Pike's going to be my CO, eventually, I think. And he still thinks there's value in the classes. So there should be value in the experience, too."

"If he thinks there's value in the experience, would he have suggested you skip them?" Leonard pointed out. "Look, kid, I don't have a horse in this race. Talk to your psych about it, maybe, or talk it through with Pike. But if he suggested it, it's probably not a stupid option."

Jim had to take a breath, then a few more, not sure when his heart had started racing. "I'll think about it," he conceded finally. "Can we stop talking about it now?"

"Of course, darlin'," Leonard said immediately. "Want a hand on your neck?"

"Yeah," Jim said quietly after a few seconds of hesitation. He hadn't really had anyone touching his neck in a while, but it sounded too good to pass up. 

Leonard wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, holding it lightly to give Jim a chance to adjust. "Okay?" he checked. "You want more pressure?"

Jim let out a breath, head tipping forward. "A little more."

"Alright, darlin'," Leonard murmured, and squeezed, still gentle.

Jim's heart slowed, his breathing starting to even. "Does that feel nice to everyone, or just people who have omega parts?" he asked, voice softer.

"Not everyone," Leonard murmured, "but not just folks who went through an omega puberty."

"That's reassuring," Jim replied, eyes closing. "You don't like it, do you? You don't seem the type."

"Not my thing," Leonard agreed comfortably. "But I like this." It felt good, offering Jim this kind of protection and reassurance.

Jim hummed, leaning his head forward more until his chin was resting on his chest. "Thought so. You're... you got the 'higher-up in the pack hierarchy' gene somehow."

Leonard squeezed a little more, then relaxed his hand a bit. "Maybe it's just that I'm an oldest sibling," he suggested. "I like taking care of people."

Jim snorted. "Yeah, that's it," he said with a touch of sarcasm, but decided to bite his tongue about how he imagined Bones' sexual preferences. "It's probably the doctor thing. You have to be commanding for that."

"You can be commanding when you want to be," Leonard pointed out. "You just don't always want to be."

"I wouldn't be command track if I couldn't, " Jim agreed. "God, I might fall asleep like this. Haven't had someone do this for me in years." He hadn’t been willing to let someone do it for him in years.

Leonard smiled down at him fondly. "If you do, you probably needed the nap," he pointed out.

Jim laughed softly. "You're such a dad , too," he said fondly, and reached up to give Bones' wrist a squeeze. "I've gotta get some work done. No sleep for me until... midnight, tonight. Maybe.”

Leonard let go of Jim's neck and ruffled his hair, pleased to hear him laugh. "Alright," he conceded, "but you'd better take breaks."

"I'll take a reasonable amount of breaks for how much work I have to do," Jim promised, playfully shoving his arm away from his hair. "What are you up to tonight?"

"Making you take breaks, apparently," Leonard replied, getting up and stretching. "I've gotta review for mystery xeno treatment. We're doing some simulated cases on Friday."

"I already said I'd take a reasonable amount of breaks," Jim reiterated, watching him with a raised eyebrow. "Can the species they give you be anything in the federation, or is it like, one of five or six options?"

"No, they're training us up for first contact scenarios," Leonard explained. "We aren't doing non-humanoids yet, but this is all about, if you meet someone hurt or sick and you don't know their species or anything about their species, how do you decide what to do?"

 "Sounds fascinating," Jim said, standing up as well. "What do you do in that situation? What if the translator's not working or they're not conscious?"

Leonard went looking for his main PADD and flipped through to a table comparing humanoid species. "All humanoid species we know about have some kind of analogue for blood vessels, heart, nerves, brain, and lungs," he said. "So first step is to get a tricorder and check their air sac is inflating and deflating regularly, that there's brain activity, and that circulatory fluid is moving. If they're leaking a fluid, obviously you want to stop that, but it's not always the most urgent."

Jim got his own PADD set up with his work, but was mainly focused on Bones. "It's gotta be hard when you have no idea of their baseline. Their heart equivalent could be three times as fast as it should be—would you be able to work that out?"

"Hell of a lot easier if we've got someone healthy to compare to," Leonard muttered. "As long as their heart is beating, and they're breathing, and there's brain activity, we just...assume it's not critical yet." He began to pace, working through the sequence in his head. "It's heart, lungs, brain, then leaking fluids outside the body, then looking for any fluids that might be leaking inside the body cavity, which is...not easy to judge." But organ damage could get serious quickly, so it was worth trying to identify. "And then we assume there's baseline symmetry, and look for asymmetries."

Jim watched him fully now, ignoring his own work. Bones was always a singular type of focused when he was studying a medical thing he didn't already know by heart. "Is that different from the order you'd assess a human in?"

"Yes and no," Leonard said, glancing over at him. "A human that's unconscious, first step is making sure they're breathing - if they aren't breathing, nothing else matters. And then, yeah, pulse. Because we know what healthy breathing and pulse are, we can extrapolate that the brain is fine enough after that. You stop any major bleeding, you do a scan for organ issues, and by that point, you should know what you're dealing with. It's a lot faster."

"If the process is that much slower, can you delegate other med staff to do certain parts, or do you have to go one by one?" Jim asked, putting his feet up on the edge of the small coffee table.

Leonard shook his head. "Each step is... If you hit something, that might be critical, you've gotta switch to working out how to treat it, but even if you don't hit something, you're getting to know their body, how it's laid out, what it's like. You'll run the scan to find the heart and lungs and brain, and it'll throw up that there's extra heat somewhere in the body cavity, and you'll know you need to follow up on that. You'll stop the bleeding somewhere and see that there's discoloration around the injury that matches discoloration somewhere else. If you have multiple people, that's better, because you can treat faster and you've got more people working things out, but you still follow the process."

Jim followed along with a nod. "I can see why they're really drilling it into you, then," he mused. "Will you be on your own or with a team for the test?"

"It's not technically a test," Leonard admitted. "It's a 'do this in front of your instructors so you can get feedback' thing. No marks."

"Oh," Jim said, leaning back. "You've got this, then." 

Leonard laughed. "You're that confident in me, huh?"

"You're a good doctor, and you're smart, and you're empathetic. Even to imaginary non-human humanoids," Jim replied with a gin. "And you know you're practically top of your class, right?"

"That's because most of my class only qualified a year ago," Leonard muttered, coming over and ruffling Jim's hair again. "I still want to do well, because the better I am going into it, the more I'll get out of it. You know what that's like."

"As if you weren't already a good doctor a year or two after you qualified," Jim said, half heartedly pushing his hand away. "One day I'm going to text one of your sisters and ask them about it, just to prove you wrong."

"Everyone learns, kid," Leonard informed him. "As long as you're living, you're learning, even if it's only what it feels like to get old."

"Well, grandpa, you'd better let me get to my own homework, then, so I can hope to one day learn as much as you," Jim teased.

“Sure, kid,” Leonard agreed. “You have fun with that.”

Chapter Text

When the day came for Leonard to call and talk to the twins, Abby set it up in the living room, folding laundry while she supervised. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Leonard with the twins, but if they started asking awkward questions, she wanted to be around to help answer. 

Hannah and Eli crowded around the camera together, and as soon as Leonard came on screen, Hannah jumped in before he could say a word. "Uncle Len!" they exclaimed, then pulled their lips back to show him their teeth, where a few prominent ones were missing. "Look!”

Eli smiled hesitantly. Uncle Len looked different, and it'd been years since they'd seen him. "I lost a tooth, too," he said, trying to show the camera his.

"Well hey there, you two!" Leonard said warmly, beaming at them. He'd shooed Jim out for the evening so he could take the call in privacy, and now he was glad he had. He wanted to enjoy this without anyone eavesdropping. "Look at y'all, losing teeth, new hair styles...have you gotten taller, too? Are you as tall as your mama?"

"I'm as tall as she is," Eli said with a growing smile.

"No you're not," Hannah replied, and then told Uncle Len that, too. "No he’s not. Mama's still taller than us but by this much," they said, holding their thumb and forefinger a few inches apart.

"I'm taller than they are," Eli added, standing right next to Hannah to show him.

Leonard laughed warmly. "You know what, I think maybe you are," he agreed. They were almost exactly the same height, and definitely at least a foot shorter than Abby. "That's pretty impressive; I didn't outgrow your grandma until I was fourteen." 

"That's old," Eli said, twisting back to look at their mom. "Mama, how old are you?"

"Not as old as Uncle Len," Abby replied, and smiled at the camera.

"How old are you ?" Hannah asked Leonard. "Your hair's shorter than it was last time we saw you."

"Older than your mama and not as old as mine," Leonard replied, smiling back at them. "It looks like your hair's a bit shorter too - did you decide to try something new?"

"Uh huh," Hannah said, and ruffled their hand through it. It was dark and shaggy and came down just past their ears. "I like it like this better."

"I got mine cut, but just a little," Eli piped in. "And the tooth fairy gave me a bigger credit chip for my last tooth than Hannah got for their teeth, so she likes my teeth better."

"I bet the tooth fairy just made a mistake," Abby said wryly, folding a towel. "I bet she'll make it even out the next time Hannah loses a tooth."

"Maybe the price of teeth has gone up," Leonard suggested, glancing at Abby. "Or maybe she was gonna buy something with that chip, and then saw your tooth and couldn't get to a terminal to split it, so she gave you the whole thing. What do you think, Hannah?"

Abby raised her eyebrows at Len, but didn't say anything.

"I think the tooth fairy's for babies," Hannah said, rolling their eyes. "But if the price of teeth went up, then we'll get that many credits for each of our teeth. We could buy a lot of things," they added contemplatively.

"If she didn't exist, how'd she bring you credits? And where'd your teeth go?" Eli retorted, crossing his arms.

Hannah shrugged, ignoring him. "Uncle Len, are teeth really bones? That's what my friend Poppy said but that's creepy ."

"They're really bones," Leonard confirmed, enjoying watching their personalities play out. "They're a little bit different from your other bones, because they do a different job, but they're still bones."

Eli's eyes widened a little. "I forgot you were a doctor until right now," he said. "Do our other bones get cavities? We had to go to the dentist yesterday and Hannah had a cavity."

"Yeah but it didn't hurt getting it filled," Hannah told him bravely. " And I got to pick a toy out of the toy box."

"Good job at the dentist," Leonard replied warmly. "Bones don't get cavities because they're protected inside our bodies," he told Eli. "Cavities happen because bacteria like to eat the teeny tiny bits of food left behind on your teeth, and they make stuff that damages your teeth over time."

"Mama said that's why we have to brush," Eli added, as if he, too, were an expert on this.

"I don't like brushing my teeth," Hannah said, making a face. "Did Aunt Lilah tell you she's having a baby?"

"Lots of people don't like it, but Eli's right, everyone has to brush so they don't get cavities," Leonard told them. "Lilah did tell me! It's pretty exciting news, having another baby in the family."

"Babies are loud and smelly," Eli said, remembering when his youngest cousin was born. 

"I think she should name it Anna so it sounds like Hannah if it's not a boy," Hannah decided. "I don't think babies always smell bad."

"It might get confusing if it's got a name too close to someone else's," Leonard pointed out fondly. "Babies can definitely be loud sometimes, and smell bad sometimes. Luckily it's not your job to change diapers, huh?"

Eli pretended to gag at the thought of it. 

"I remember when Jo was really little and Aunt Jocelyn had to change her diaper, and she asked me to get the wipes for her, so I helped," Hannah said proudly. 

"I don't remember that," Eli argued. "You're making that up because it makes you sound like an adult."

"No I'm not ," Hannah shot back.

"Kids," Abby said firmly, "that's not how we talk to each other. Use your nicer words."

"I helped," Hannah reiterated, not changing their story.

"You helped," Leonard agreed quietly. "And Eli helped me get Jo back to sleep one time when she was crying and grumpy. Are you two gonna help Lilah when the baby's born?"

Abby glanced at the screen to make sure Leonard was okay, before going back to folding towels. 

"I could help by getting the baby to go to sleep again," Eli said slowly, as he thought about it.

"Yeah, I'll help again because Aunt Lilah's kids are too young," Hannah said with a nod. "Are you going to have more babies? Mama said she’s not and Aunt Lilah said she's not having any more after this one."

Leonard cleared his throat, trying to buy time to answer the unexpected question. "Well, uh, y'all know that not everyone can get pregnant like Lilah or Sam or Jocelyn," he explained. "I can't. So I couldn't have another baby without someone to help me."

"You could adopt," Eli offered helpfully. 

"Let's lay off on the baby questions for now," Abby said gently. "Remember how I told you both you should finish your studies before having kids? Uncle Len's in school again, so he doesn't have the time, anyway."

"Oh," Hannah said. "Okay. Do you like school? Did you have to go to doctor school?"

Leonard gave Abby a grateful look, then focused on the kids again. "I like school," he said. "I went to a lot of school to be a doctor, and now I'm learning about being a doctor in space."

"Everything's in space," Hannah said with a grin. "I learned that at my school."

"Are you gonna work on a big spaceship?" Eli asked, excited. "I wanna see what it's like on one because I saw in a holofilm that they just feel like big buildings but that sometimes you can feel them move and that it's not like a shuttle."

"Probably," Leonard admitted. Jim wanted to be on the Enterprise, and if he got his way, Leonard would be going with him. "Big ships have stronger inertial dampeners, so you don't feel them moving as much, but if they jerk around, you can still feel it." He hated that he knew that.

"Cool," Eli said with a grin, and twisted to look at Abby. "Mama, can I visit Uncle Len on a ship?" 

"We'll have to wait and figure that out when he's on one. We don't know what your schedule or his will be like, pumpkin," Abby answered diplomatically.

"Will you visit us here?" Hannah asked Uncle Len while their mom and brother chatted. "You could come to one of my baseball games!"

"I'm not sure when I'll next visit," Leonard said carefully. "How are you liking baseball?"

"I'm really good at it and I love it, but it's dumb when they make me play the outfield," Hannah told him. "Because no one in my level hits the ball that far, really, so I barely get to do something, so I told my coach I wanna only be in the infield but he said we have to all take turns in all the spots."

"Do you think anyone on your team likes being outfield?" Leonard asked patiently. He didn’t blame them for being self-centred - they were only nine - but that just meant this was an opportunity to practice being otherwise.

"Temma does, because she's afraid of getting hit with the ball," Hannah said with heavy judgment in their voice for how stupid that was.

Eli had come back to their conversation and was already getting bored by the baseball talk. "Uncle Len, when will you know what your schedule on the starship is like?"

"Sounds like Temma needs some practice being infield so she can learn it's gonna be okay," Leonard pointed out to Hannah. "Eli, I won't know my schedule until I get an assignment, and that won't be until I've graduated."

"When do you graduate?" Eli asked, frowning. 

"Temma's a baby," Hannah interrupted.

"Temma's learning," Leonard said firmly. "Everyone has different things they find hard." He gave Eli a quick smile. "I should be done by next summer."

"Well Temma shouldn't play baseball if she finds it hard," Hannah said. 

"I like Temma because she gave me some of her gum at Hannah's last baseball game," Eli piped up again. "Uncle Len, do you play sports?"

"My friend Poppy says everyone in Starfleet plays Parrises Squares," Hannah added.

"I'm not a big sports guy," Leonard admitted. "And plenty of people here don't play Parrises Squares, that game'll break your neck." Focusing on Hannah, he added, "Kid, if people never did stuff they found hard, humans would never have gotten into space. I'd never have become a doctor. Lilah wouldn't be having a baby right now. You're a smart kid, I bet you can come up with a reason Temma might be playing baseball even though it scares her." 

"Yeah, but other doctors didn't lose their baseball games because you thought becoming a doctor was hard," Hannah argued. "She never hits the ball."

"Why is having a baby hard?" Eli asked, curious. 

"Baseball is a team sport," Leonard told Hannah firmly. "If you're good at it, then you'll probably have people on your team who aren't as good as you. That means either you're gonna be frustrated a lot, or you've gotta learn how to be patient with them. And I'll warn you now, if you pick being frustrated, you're gonna have a hard time being friends with your team, because you'll be too grumpy." He looked at Eli. "Being pregnant means that your body has to change a lot, and that's physically a lot of work. You get tired, and your back gets sore from carrying extra weight at the front, and sometimes you feel sick because your body gets confused about things. A baby in your belly isn't something you can put down like a backpack to take a break, it's all the time, and it takes a long time." He wasn't going to explain the birth process to the kids, it would only scare them. 

"I'm never having a baby if I'm an omega, because that sounds ex hausting ," Eli said, making a face again. 

Hannah was frowning and crossed their arms. "I'm gonna be an alpha like Mama," they said, not wanting to comment on the Temma thing again.

"It does, doesn't it?" Leonard agreed with Eli, hiding amusement. "So y'all be nice to Aunty Lilah for the next few months. And whether you're an alpha or a beta or an omega, you never have to be pregnant if you don't want. That's something everyone gets to choose for themselves."

"If I'm an omega I'm gonna adopt twelve dogs," Eli said, "and ten cats so I won't have room for a baby even in a big house like Grandma's."

"McCoys aren't usually omegas," Hannah said, leaning closer to the camera. "Grandma said so. It's genes."

"But you aren't just McCoys, are you?" Leonard pointed out. "You're half Abby and half Sam."

Hannah considered, and then looked at their brother. "You're gonna be an omega," they said seriously, almost a tease.

Eli was about to respond, when Abby's comm buzzed with the timer she'd set. "It's getting late, loves. You've got three more minutes before we have to start getting ready for bed."

Leonard nodded at her. "Hannah, maybe you'll be an alpha, maybe Eli will be an omega, or maybe y'all will be something different," he said seriously. "But there's something important I want you both to remember, okay?"

"We don't have to have babies?" Eli guessed.

Leonard smiled at him. "That's important too," he agreed. "No, it's something else. Your body's gonna make a choice to be an alpha or a beta or an omega, just like it made a choice to be a boy or a girl. But you don't have to listen to it. You can make a different choice."

Eli frowned. "Really? How?" he said, trying to understand how it'd work.

" I did," Hannah replied, "so I don't need to remember."

"No you didn't," Eli argued, "stop lying."

"Hannah chose their gender," Leonard confirmed. "Some people think dynamic is different, but you can still choose. There's medicine to help your body learn how to be different, if that's what you want."

"My doctor said I could do that," Hannah agreed, and stuck their tongue out at Eli. "Told you I knew it."

Abby stood and came over, putting a hand on each of her kids' shoulders. "On that note, I think it's time to say goodnight."

Hannah waved. "Night Uncle Len! Come to see one of my baseball games please?”

"Goodnight, you two," Leonard said fondly. "I'll come visit when I can." And when he knew the rest of his family would be okay with it.

"Goodnight," Eli said, and then headed upstairs with Hannah.

"I'll give them a five minute head start before I check they're actually getting ready for bed and not arguing more," Abby said wryly. "They were really excited to talk to you tonight. Thanks for taking the time to."

Leonard shook his head. "Don't thank me for spending time with family who was happy to see me," he told her. "It was my pleasure, Abby. I hope I didn't interfere with what you've been saying about Temma or the tooth fairy or any of it?"

“It was all fine. I told her to try befriending Temma and practicing with her, so that's right in line with it." Abby sighed and looked at Leonard. "As for the tooth fairy, I heard that she was trying to give one credit to Eli and fifty to her neighbors to cover drinks on the new couple's honeymoon," she said flatly, "and that she was very tired and didn't think to keep the two separate or more obviously labeled."

Leonard laughed. "Aww geez," he said. "How 'bout the tooth fairy sub-contracts him to help collect something else? She's a tooth specialist, she's no good at...I don't know, pressed flowers. She can leave him a tiny note apologising for forgetting the instructions."

"Oh, that's good," Abby said, tapping her nose with a smile. "He'll love that."

"Seemed like the sort of thing he'd enjoy, and Hannah wouldn't have much patience for," Leonard said. So hopefully Hannah wouldn’t get jealous over it and get competitive over working for tooth-fairy wages.

"You know them well," Abby said fondly. "Their personalities haven't changed too much since you last saw them, I don't think."

Leonard laughed. "Not much, no," he agreed. They’d grown up, but they were still the same kids. "Would you tell Eli he can send me text comms? Hannah's gonna talk over him whenever I call them both."

"I'll let him know," Abby said with a soft laugh. "He'll like getting to have a conversation with you. Sam and I have been trying more and more to spend time one-on-one with them both for that reason."

Leonard nodded sympathetically. "If he asks more about babies or pregnancy or dynamic stuff, anything you want me to say or not say?" he checked.

"He's definitely been more curious lately," Abby said thoughtfully. She blew out a breath. "Well, if he winds up asking you about the birds and the bees, give me a heads up? I don't mind you having that conversation with him, but you also don't need to feel obligated, if you want to direct him back to me and Sam."

"I'll let you know, and I'll keep it general," Leonard reassured her. He paused, then added carefully, "Any idea where Hannah's getting those predictions about who's gonna be what?"

Abby rolled her eyes. "They learned more about different dynamics in school recently, and their teacher tried to talk through the nuances of stereotypes versus reality, and I think some of it just went over their head." She shook her head. "I'll have Sam talk to them about it again."

"If it's new information, at least their ideas won't be too baked in yet," Leonard said sympathetically. "How is Sam? How are you, for that matter?"

"Sam's good! Busy, which is great - things were slow with his art for a while, so it's been validating. He's had a few shows lately," Abby said proudly. "I'm alright. Taking Lilah's kids this weekend to give her and Thiago some rest."

"That'll be a full house," Leonard commented, with a warm smile.

"I already have a list of playgrounds picked out to tire them all up before the sleepover," Abby said wryly. "And how are you? How's your ‘ friend’?”

Leonard shook his head ruefully. "I'm starting to think I shouldn't've mentioned him," he teased. "We're good, Abby."

"I think you haven't told me enough," she said, lightly teasing. "What's his name again?"

Leonard rolled his eyes. "It's Jim," he said. "Younger than me, but still a bit older than the standard cadet class. Command track - insists he's gonna be captain of the Enterprise someday, and probably will be. Stubborn as hell, but charming enough to get away with it. Does that answer your questions?"

"Most of them. Is he cute?" Abby asked, grinning.

Leonard pinched the bridge of his nose, but he was smiling. "Yes, based on how easily he manages to pick people up when he wants to, I'd say the consensus is that he's cute."

Abby hummed. "Good to know, for the mental image. And didn't you say you two were living together?"

" Technically he still has a dorm room for the rest of the semester," Leonard hedged, then admitted, "but he's hardly ever there."

Abby raised her eyebrows at him. "Makes sense," she said dryly.

Leonard snorted. "Oh, it doesn't make sense," he said. "Literally none of this makes sense. I am fully aware that what Jim and I are doing is completely bizarre. I don't think it makes sense to him either."

Abby chuckled. "So long as you're aware," she said, and shook her head at him. "Do you... are you interested in him?"

"I don't even know," Leonard admitted. "I haven't... I haven't really been interested in anyone since the divorce. Too bruised, I guess."

Abby gave him a sympathetic look. "Something to think about, then," she said gently. "Though it sounds like the two of you are happy."

"Wouldn't've been appropriate before now, anyway," Leonard muttered. "He's got issues with doctors, he only just swapped over."

"He was a patient?" Abby asked, though she didn't want to pry too much with how uncomfortable he looked - and things were still pretty delicate between them.

Leonard made a face. "I know, it's not ideal," he said. "He was a friend, and then he showed up at my office and insisted I be his primary, and he made it really clear that if it wasn't me, it was no one."

"It sounds like you were the best option,"  Abby said after a second's pause, deciding medical ethics wasn't a safe topic. "Sounds like he really trusts you."

Leonard sighed. "It was the best I could do for him at the time," he said. "I'm glad I'll be handing it all over soon."

"Did that training thing come up? You mentioned he was worried about it," Abby asked, sitting down again to finish folding towels.

"Survival training?" Leonard made a face. "It's every semester, so yes, but we got through it." He sighed, scrubbing a hand through his hair. "He told me last week he qualifies for an exemption from the practicals, but I'm not having the argument with him about whether he should take it."

"Considering how stubborn you are about the people you care about, I have a feeling you'll help him look after himself," she said with a shrug. 

There was a thump upstairs, and she looked toward the ceiling. "...I think I should go check on the twins."

Leonard laughed and nodded sympathetically. "Go make sure they aren't causing a riot," he agreed. "Give my love to everyone?"

"I will. Sam says hi, and that you two will have to catch up one day," Abby said, getting up again. "Tell your roommate I say hello?"

"Will do," Leonard promised. "G'night, Abby."

"’Night, Len. Take care," she added, then ended the call.

Chapter Text

Leonard eventually succumbed to the twins' begging and agreed to visit once the semester was over. He didn't agree to stay in Abby's guest room; he wanted to have some space if he got overwhelmed, and besides, Jim was coming with him. Which meant Jim was with him on the shuttle ride to Georgia. The less said about that, the better, as far as Leonard was concerned, but at least neither of them were bleeding, drunk, or throwing up. It was an improvement over their last cross-country shuttle trip together.

Jim plopped his bag on the bed once they got to the hotel, and looked at Bones, who'd been pretty silent so far. Jim had, of course, talked to fill the space. "So, what time's your sister expecting us?" he asked, going to the window to open the curtains. 

Leonard kicked off his shoes and flopped down onto the bed. "Can I take a nap instead?"

Jim checked his watch. "You could, but I have a feeling Abby would come here if we didn't show."

Leonard groaned. "She'd bring the twins," he agreed. "Hannah would start jumping on the mattress, knowing them."

Jim hummed and sat on the bed next to where Leonard had landed. He brushed a hand through his hair. "It'll be good to see them. If it gets too awkward, I could pretend I'm having an allergic reaction to something."

Leonard sat up and glared at him. "Do not ," he warned. "No crying wolf about your allergies. No."

Jim held his hands up. "Fine, no fake anaphylaxis. But I can come up with an excuse if we need one."

"Thanks," Leonard said, scrubbing a hand over his face. "Alright, let me have some water and then we'll go."

"You should change, too," Jim suggested, squeezing his shoulder and getting up to grab Bones' bag. "You got sweaty on the shuttle ride."

"You're not supposed to point that out," Leonard complained, but he did take the bag and start rummaging for a new shirt.

"Would you prefer I let you see your sister smelling like sweat?" Jim asked, going to the bathroom to freshen up himself. 

"Why do I like you?" Leonard grumbled good-naturedly. "Are you gonna tell me to polish my shoes, too?"

"Just to comb your hair," Jim called from the bathroom, while he did the same. He was weirdly nervous to meet Leonard’s family. "And maybe wash your face with a sonic. You'll feel better if you do."

"Can I come in there, or do you have your shirt off?" Leonard called out. 

"You can come in," Jim said, pulling his shirt down again after putting deodorant on. 

He looked at the door when Bones appeared, and nodded. "You look better already."

Leonard looked him over and raised an eyebrow. "Trying to make a good impression, huh?"

Jim rolled his eyes. "I'm trying to make sure you do," he said, and turned back to the mirror, pushing a hand through his hair to get it to lay right. 

"Jim." Leonard put a hand on his shoulder. "They'll like you. You're a likeable person."

"Everyone likes me," Jim said dismissively, and leaned into him. "You gonna brush your hair?"

"They do," Leonard murmured. "You're gonna get on with the twins like a house on fire." He glanced at himself in the mirror, then shook his head. "Just gonna wash my face and then we can head out."

Jim nodded and stepped away from the sink to give him room, but stayed in the bathroom with him. "They're... eight, right? Hannah and Eli?"

"Nearly nine," Leonard confirmed, bending down to wash his face. "Hannah's the loud one who likes baseball, Eli's the quiet one with the tooth fairy quest."

Jim laughed. "Right," he said, tipping his head back against the wall. "And Sam's Abby's husband? Or is that Thiago?"

"Sam is Abby's husband," Leonard confirmed. "Sam and Abby, and Thiago and Lilah."

"Will they be there tonight too, or is it just Abby's family?" Jim asked, and tossed him a towel. 

"Just Abby's family," Leonard reassured him, muffled as he scrubbed his face dry. "We're trying to space out the emotional reunions."

"Probably a smart idea," Jim agreed, checking his hair in the mirror again while Leonard had the towel over his eyes. "I'm still serious about faking some kind of emergency if you want to head out sooner than planned."

"I know," Leonard reassured him, putting the towel down and meeting Jim's eyes in the mirror. "And if you want to head out, let me know, okay? I'll make our excuses."

"I'm not going to, but I'll tell you if, for some reason, I do," Jim said. He stepped closer and pushed a hand through Bones' hair, both as a reassurance and to help it lie right, too. "The hotel's got some transports we could borrow."

"Sure," Leonard agreed. "Sounds good."

As they stepped out of the transport at Abby’s place, Jim took in the house, the neat garden, and put a hand on Bones' arm before starting to walk up the path to the front door so Bones couldn't stall or freeze or have too much time to panic. "It's gonna go great," he said quietly.

"Well," Leonard said, steeling himself. "It's gonna go." He rang the door chime and waited.

Jim squeezed his arm and dropped his hand.

Abby opened the door almost immediately, immediately looking Leonard over to make sure he looked as healthy as he'd sounded, and smiled as she met his eyes. "Hi. It's good to see you," she said softly, and looked at the other man standing with him. "And you must be Jim? Come inside, both of you; it's hot out today."

Leonard made a show of looking around for the kids so he didn't have to look at Abby. "What'd you do with the twins, lock them in a tower?" he said gruffly, but he did come inside. "...it's good to see you, Abby."

"They're playing in the backyard; they were more hyper than usual today, so we thought it'd mellow them out before you visited," Abby admitted, rubbing her hands together as she debated whether or not to give Len a hug. She turned toward the kitchen instead. "Sam? Go get the twins!" she called.

"You got it!" Sam yelled back, and they heard a door open and close.

Leonard took a breath. "Abby...before they get here..." He glanced at Jim, then went on, "It means a lot that you're having me to visit. Thanks."

Abby took a big breath. "It's overdue," she said simply, and looked at Jim, hoping to dispel some of the awkwardness. "And I wanted to meet your friend! I've heard so much about you," she said, and held a hand out to him. 

"Likewise," Jim said with a warm smile and a firm shake. He looked around the room. "You've got a beautiful home. Thanks for letting me come by, too."

"As if one more person makes a difference," Abby scoffed. "Can I get either of you something to drink?"

"I wouldn't say no to sweet tea, if you've got some handy," Leonard said cautiously. "Haven't had the real stuff in a while."

" 'If you've got some handy,' as if I don't always keep it around in the summer," Abby scoffed. "I'll get you both some?"

"That sounds great," Jim agreed. 

"Great. Then you can tell me—" 

Abby was cut off by the back door slamming open and the twins barreling into Leonard and talking over each other. 

"Uncle Len, look!" Hannah said, opening their mouth to show him another lost tooth. "The tooth fairy didn't leave me as much money as Eli but I don't have to do any chores for her."

"Mama says we're a lot taller than when you last saw us," Eli said at the same time, going on his toes. 

"Give him a little breathing space," Abby said, shaking her head, before heading off to get the tea.

Leonard laughed, pulling both kids into a quick hug, then dropping to one knee so he could see them better. "Well, look at you two!" he exclaimed. "Losing teeth, getting taller...you're gonna be all grown up soon, aren't you?" He reached out, ruffling Eli's hair. "Why don't you tell me what you’ve both been up to since I spoke to you last?"

"I'm friends with Temma now, the girl who sucks at baseball on my team," Hannah said happily, "and she's coming to my birthday party even though we sent out the invitations already, because Mama and Daddy said that it was alright and Eli's only inviting three friends."

Eli leaned into him. "I've been getting quests for the tooth fairy, and she leaves me thank you notes." He looked at Jim skeptically. "Who're you?"

"That's Jim," Hannah said, showing off her memory for Uncle Len's friend, "remember Mama said he'd be here too?" 

"I am Jim," Jim replied with an easy grin. "I go to the Academy with Uncle Len."

"Are you doing good at school?" Eli asked Leonard, already losing interest in Jim. " I got a 100 on my science quiz."

"Good job," Leonard told both of them fondly. "Making friends and learning. I'm doing pretty good, but I didn't get 100 on any of my tests. What about you, Jim? You get full marks on anything this semester?"

"Nah, just a 98. A 100's very impressive," Jim said seriously.

Abby came back in, carefully balancing a tray with three glasses of tea and two juices for the kids. "Come, sit," she told them, ushering them over as she set the tray down on the coffee table. 

Leonard wasn't surprised when the kids bracketed him on the couch, but he did glance at Jim to check he was okay on his own.

Jim gave him a reassuring smile before striking up a conversation with Abby about the tea.

The twins kept Leonard busy—for a good half hour, anyway, until Hannah started getting bored. "Mama," she interrupted, "can we take Uncle Len out to see our bicycles? He can borrow yours and come with us for a ride!"

"I don't know that he'll want to go out, honey. It's pretty darn hot out today," Abby hedged, glancing at Leonard.

"I don't mind going outside," Leonard reassured her, but for all he knew, she might've been making an excuse not to leave him with the kids. "I'd better not leave Jim behind, though, so maybe we'd better stay here."

"Jim can come too," Hannah promised.

Eli got off the couch. "Can we do video games instead?"

"On the screen in here, you can," Abby said with a smile. "Go on and get your console from upstairs. Why don't you show him the sports game you both like?"

Hannah and Eli raced upstairs, and Jim laughed. "They're cute kids," he said, sipping his tea.

"They're a handful and a half," Abby said fondly.

"They're growing up well," Leonard murmured, smiling at her. "Thanks for letting me spend time with them."

Abby waved a hand. "It's good you're here. We've been running out of ways to keep them busy over summer break," he said with a little laugh. "How've you been enjoying the break?"

"It's alright," Leonard said, glancing at Jim. "We've actually been house-hunting."

"You're buying a place together?" Abby asked lightly, trying to avoid giving her brother any meaningful looks about it. 

"Renting," Jim said quickly. "I thought it'd be nicer to stay off campus, get away from the younger cadets."

" I said we might as well get a shared dorm," Leonard put in, "but Jim's fussy."

"I'm particular , not fussy," Jim argued happily, "and you didn't seem so against it at the thought of a full kitchen."

Leonard rolled his eyes. "I can live without baking," he said. "I do just fine in my dorm."

Jim's grin widened. "We decided together to get an apartment. Bones is just fussy about change."

" 'Bones’?" Abby asked, watching the two of them in amusement.

"Oh, that's my nickname for him," Jim explained quickly, not giving the backstory for it.

"Fair warning," Leonard told Abby, "if Jim latches onto a nickname for you, you're stuck with it. He's stubborn as a mule."

"I remember you being pretty damn stubborn, Len," Abby said, giving him a look that was more about how married they were acting than about how stubborn he was. Their relationship - whatever it was - seemed like a safe enough topic to tease him about. 

"And Jim's worse," Leonard declared, though his voice was warm. "Now, should I go say hi to Sam while the terrors are getting their game set up, or is it one of those days when he's looking for time alone on purpose?"

"One of those days, I think," Abby said, looking toward the kitchen. "He volunteered to throw something together for dinner for us all on his own—that is, if you two wanted to stay?" she added, glancing back at them. "It's alright if you're not interested; I'm sure you're tired from the shuttle trip."

"We'll stay," Leonard reassured her. "Although Jim's got a few dietary things - could you ask Sam what he's making?"

"I'll check," Abby said, glad for an excuse to duck out for a minute, taking all the glasses with her. 

Jim knocked his foot against Leonard’s. "You doing okay?" he asked quietly.

"I'm okay," Leonard reassured him, just as quiet. "Are you?"

"I don't know, I do get fussy about things," Jim joked, and leaned closer to him on the couch, even with half a cushion between them. "I'm fine. Your family's sweet."

"They can be a lot," Leonard admitted. "If you need a break, you can just step out like Sam does. They'll understand."

"I'm fine ," Jim said again, rolling his eyes. "Seriously. Stop worrying about me and enjoy the time with them, okay?"

"Alright," Leonard agreed, reaching out to ruffle his hair. "Don't worry about hanging back from the kids, okay? They'll like you."

"They want to spend time with you," Jim said, tilting his head toward him, just as the twins started tromping down the steps, bickering.

"Uncle Len! What game do you wanna play?" Hannah called, running in with the console, Eli following with three controllers and a scowl.

"It's been a while since I played this kinda game," Leonard admitted, sitting back up. "How 'bout each of you tells me a game or two that you like, and I'll pick one of those?"

"Hannah likes baseball, but I like the tennis, and you can play that with three players," Eli explained, "and they're way better at the baseball so it's like cheating." 

"No it's not ," Hannah argued. "The baseball's more fun but bowling's fun too and that one also has three players."

"Bowling's boring," Eli told Leonard. 

"That's a tricky call," Leonard allowed, looking between the two of them. "Sounds like we should pick a game with three players for now, so bowling or tennis. Eli thinks bowling is boring. Hannah, do you think tennis is boring, or just not as good as baseball?"

Hannah groaned and started setting up the console, the game popping up on a screen in front of them. "Tennis is fine, since Eli always has to get his way."

"I do not," Eli argued, handing a controller to Leonard. "Sorry there's not four," he said to Jim.

"No problem, I'll play the next round," Jim said, getting comfortable in the corner of the couch.

"We'll play tennis for a little while, and then maybe we can swap and play bowling," Leonard placated them both. "If you don't want to play it, Eli, maybe Jim can have a turn."

Eli frowned. "Fine," he said, and plopped on the floor to give Hannah the yellow controller, which was the worst of all of them.

"You have to use your whole arm when you do it or it doesn't work," Hannah told Leonard, demonstrating. 

Abby came back in and sat next to Leonard, handing out more glasses of sweet tea. "How's homemade pizza?" she asked, glancing at Jim. "Anything in that you can't eat?"

"Nah, that sounds great. Thanks for checking," Jim said warmly. "Does Sam need any help?"

"He wouldn't mind saying a quick hello, but he'll refuse to make you work," she warned.

Leonard lost track of the other conversation as the kids started tutoring him, but he did notice Jim ducking out for a while - before getting distracted by inter-sibling war breaking out.

Jim went into the kitchen, glad for a moment away despite having denied needing one just a few minutes before. "Hi, I'm Jim," he said as he spotted Sam. "Abby said you'd refuse any offer to help with dinner, but I'd be happy to lend a hand."

Sam was short and stocky, his skin the sort of light brown that might've come from his family or might just be a tan, his black hair cut short. He greeted Jim with a nod, gesturing to some stools up against one of the counters. "Nice to meet you," he said. "I've got a process; it's easier to work on my own."

"I get it," Jim assured him, and sat on one of the stools to watch, "I'm the same with certain things." He leaned an elbow on the counter, starting to feel awkward. "...Does Abby cook, too? Leonard's got some recipes he says he got from his family."

Sam glanced over at him, then went back to spreading sauce onto a pair of large circles of dough. "Cooking's a life skill," he said. "Abby and I swap."

"The McCoy recipes, I mean," Jim said, feeling like an idiot already. He'd probably fare better if he were to go back to the living room and take a hard stance on the tennis vs. baseball debate. "He makes a mean spiced cider he said was a family thing."

Sam smiled a little. "Yeah, I know the one you mean," he said. "Christmas recipe. Goes well with cookies."

"We did the cookies too," Jim said fondly. "The sugar cookies with the homemade icing might've been my favorite."

Sam hummed thoughtfully, swapping out one tray for the other. "You're part of the family, huh."

"I don't know about that," Jim said with a little smile. "Leonard does better with having people around to do things for, and I've... been around."

"He could take care of you other ways," Sam pointed out mildly. He seemed to be a very calm person overall, or at least he didn't show what he was feeling. "He made a choice."

Jim was pretty sure that pointing out all the ways Bones did take care of him wasn't going to help his case. "We look after each other," he agreed, instead. "He and Abby seem pretty similar in some ways."

Sam glanced at him and smiled. "Stubborn, protective care-takers?" he said. "The McCoys are all like that."

"That's it exactly," Jim said with a snort. "How long have you and Abby been together now? You must know them all pretty well."

"Eleven, twelve years now?" Sam said thoughtfully. "It was a couple years before we got married, and then it took a year or so before I got pregnant with the twins."

Jim smiled, thinking that it was better Sam than him. He definitely wasn't cut out for marriage, or being pregnant with twins. "The twins seem great, like kind and very... spirited kids."

Sam gave him a wry look. "You can say Hannah's bossy, it's fine," he said. "We're working on it."

Chuckling, Jim shook his head. "I really did mean ‘spirited’ as a compliment. But Eli seems to hold his own with them well enough."

"Eli's got eight years of practice," Sam replied, sprinkling cheese over one of the pizzas. "It'll be good for them both once they're not in all the same classes."

"Bones— uh, Leonard, that's, it's a nickname I have for him, he told me the story with the tooth fairy," Jim said with a grin. "It sounds like you and Abby do a good job balancing  both of their personalities."

Sam shook his head, smiling ruefully. "Did he tell you he was the one who suggested the solution?"

"No," Jim said, raising his eyebrows, "he definitely did not. It's like he thinks he'll catch a fever if he gives himself credit for something."

Sam gave him a thoughtful look, then changed the subject. "He's always been good with kids."

"He seems the type," Jim said, eyes straying to the doorway to the living room. "He doesn't talk too much about his daughter, but he lights up anytime she comes up."

Sam's face went blank, and he focused on laying the toppings for the pizza for a little while, then said quietly, "Don't tell him I said this, but Joanna was the one good thing Leonard got out of that marriage. It's just typical that he doesn't get to see her anymore."

Jim looked up at him. "How's she doing?" he asked, lowering his voice, too. He knew Bones didn't think he had the right to ask, but Jim didn't mind—especially when Jo had come up anyway.

"It's hard to say," Sam admitted. "None of us like Jocelyn, so we don't see a lot of her. As far as Lilah knows, she's healthy and happy."

"I wish there was something I could do," Jim said softly, "but Bones is adamant he doesn't want to go back to court for custody. I mean, he was... I met him, not long after. So I know the toll that it, that everything, had on him."

"He's going into space," Sam pointed out quietly. "He couldn't share custody and take her with him."

Jim's stomach twisted guiltily. It wasn't like Bones was going into space willingly . He was going for him . "He could take a placement on Earth," he said slowly. "Or, I don't know, get a once a year visit at the very least? But it's— I know it's not really my business."

Sam hummed. "Wherever he goes, we'll be looking out for her," he said. "She'll have her aunts and uncles and cousins, and her grandmother."

"That means a lot, Sam," Jim said with a soft smile. "And I know it would to Leonard, too."

Sam glanced at him, then focused on the pizza again. "I usually leave the McCoy politics to Abby," he said. "But I'll make sure he knows."

There was a moment, near the end of the evening, when Sam had taken the twins upstairs to start getting ready for bed, and Jim had ducked out to use the bathroom, and Leonard and Abby were left in the living room alone.

Abby folded her hands together, tempted to look around for something to do, a blanket to fold or a pillow to fluff at the very least, but made the mistake of looking at her brother again, taking in how much healthier he was now. "...You look really good, Len," she said quietly. "It's a drastic difference from the last time you were here."

Leonard snorted, scrubbing a hand over his face. "If I looked worse than I did last time I was here, I'd be halfway dead," he muttered.

"Three quarters dead, even," Abby said wryly. She put her hand on his shoulder. "I'm... really glad you're here. In all senses of the word."

Leonard leaned closer, drawing in the scent of family that he'd been missing for so long. "I'm sorry I scared you," he said quietly. "I'm sorry about...just about all of it, really. But I'm okay now. I promise."

Abby pulled him into a hug. "You terrified me. All of us. If you'd have come to any of us, to me —" she cut herself off. It wasn't like there was anything they could do to change what had happened with their father, with Jocelyn, any of it, now. "...I should have reached out sooner."

"Abby," Leonard said quietly, his face tucked against her neck. "Dad asked me to help him. I knew none of you would want to be near me after."

Abby swallowed, brought a hand up to the back of his neck. "You could have come to me about Dad," she said, her voice low and shaky. "I don't know what I would've said, I don't know I would've been able to— to do what you—" She had to stop and take a breath. "I'm sorry about all of that, too."

"I made so many mistakes," Leonard admitted, eyes closed against her shoulder. "I shouldn't've taken his case. Shouldn't've made him hold on like I did. Shouldn't've... There's a lot of things I regret. But not letting him choose."

Abby hugged him tighter for a moment, searching for the right words carefully. "...I wish it had happened differently. But I don't... begrudge you giving him that choice."

Leonard slumped against her, rubbing his face gratefully against her shoulder. "I've missed you," he said softly. "I'm sorry it took me so long to come home."

"Me too." Abby squeezed the back of his neck, an unconscious alpha move, and brushed a hand up through his hair, breathing in the smell of him. "At least you brought a cute cadet with you when you did," she said softly, slowly letting him go. "Jim's a sweetheart."

Leonard laughed softly, rubbing a hand over his face. "He's a good kid," he agreed. "Hasn't got much family of his own, so..."

"He's got that look about him," Abby said with a soft smile. "You can tell him he's always welcome here. If he ever stops hiding in the bathroom, that is."

Leonard's lips twitched. "Knowing him," he said, getting louder, "he's eavesdropping on our conversation."

There was a beat, and then the sound of the toilet flushing from the hallway bathroom where Jim was holed up.

Abby laughed, wiping under her eyes. "I think you might be onto something there."

Leonard gave her another quick hug, brushing his hand over her hair. "We'll head out," he said, "but I'll see you tomorrow, okay? We'll take the kids to a park or something."

"They'd love that," Abby said. "I could see if Lilah's free?"

"Go ahead," Leonard said with a smile, stepping back. "Might be easier for her to leave when she needs to, that way."

Jim came out of the bathroom, happy to pretend he hadn't been listening, and came over to put a hand on Leonard’s shoulder for a second before dropping it. 

"It might be," Abby agreed, and smiled at Jim. "It was great to meet you, Jim. Message me in the morning, Len?"

Leonard nodded. "We'll let you know when we're up, and you can tell us where to meet y'all for the day," he agreed. "Ready to go, Jim?"

Jim nodded. "Lovely to meet you. Tell Sam I say thanks again for dinner," he said, and let Bones guide them out with his last goodbyes.

They'd been mostly quiet in the transport, other than Jim chatting a little to fill the space. He took care of returning the transport and once they got in the room, Jim looked Bones over carefully. "You okay?"

Leonard sat on the couch and looked down at his hands. "I smell like my sister again," he said quietly. 

"You do," Jim murmured, sliding out of his shoes and coming to sit next to him. He put his hand on top of Bones'. "It's a good scent on you."

Leonard closed his eyes for a second, then looked up at Jim. "You gonna mind if I don't take a shower before bed tonight?"

"No, not at all," Jim said softly, bringing Bones' hand up and rubbing it against his own cheek, gently leaving a trace of his scent on him, too, but in a controlled way that wouldn't overpower his sister's scent. Bones smelled like alpha, but it was... nice. Like a family smell, even to Jim. "You want me to stay in the other bed tonight? It'll keep me from rubbing all over you in my sleep."

Leonard tugged his hand free so he could pull Jim against him. "Your scent is not worth less than Abby's," he said firmly. "I'll see her again tomorrow."

Jim huffed, leaning into him. "That's not how I meant it," he said, tucking his face into Bones' neck and breathing in the combined scents of them. "It doesn't have to be worth more or less for you to not want to lose it."

"You're staying with me tonight," Leonard informed him, carding his fingers through Jim's hair. "Got it?"

"I got it," Jim grumbled, sliding a hand up the back of Bones' shirt to touch his skin, leave his scent another place Abby hadn't. 

"What did you think of them all?" Leonard asked, letting Jim go.

"They're great. I can definitely see how you and Abby are related," Jim said with a little laugh, pulling back but leaving their knees touching. "The kids are cute, and they obviously adore you. Sam is a little intimidating, but we had a nice conversation before dinner."

"Sam's just quiet," Leonard reassured him. "He didn't kick you out of the kitchen, so he must've liked you alright."

"I think he considered it when he thought I was insulting omegas," Jim mumbled, and put a hand over his face. "I was trying to ask him if Abby ever made some of the McCoy family recipes and made it seem like I was insulting him for doing all the cooking—I'm surprised he didn't kick me out of the house."

Leonard snorted, rubbing Jim's side. "I'm sure you'll get a chance to show how progressive and forward-thinking you are," he teased. "Sam's very level-headed. You've got time."

"I was tempted to come out, just to prove that," Jim said, shaking his head a little. He hadn't really considered it. Leaving the kitchen would've come first, probably. "He's a nice guy. It'll be nice to get to know him more."

"Well, you might get a chance tomorrow," Leonard said. "Depending on who comes with the kids to the park. I assume you overheard that bit?"

"I did," Jim admitted. "I don't know, don't wanna make it a thing. Especially if Lilah's there; there's gonna be other stuff going on."

"Just be yourself where he can see," Leonard reassured him, putting a hand on his knee. "You'll be fine."

"Yeah, it'll be fine," Jim agreed, and leaned into him. "I gotta win the kids over, too. They were too excited to see you today, but tomorrow the charm'll have worn off," he teased. 

Leonard laughed. "I'm sure you'll win Hannah over once they realise you actually enjoy sport," he said. "Eli's a harder sell."

"Oh, easily. I’ll challenge them to a race and see who can throw something further and we'll be best friends," Jim agreed with a grin. "Eli would be happy with some one-on-one attention I think."

"I'd like to give him some, if I can do it while Hannah is distracted," Leonard agreed. Eli was pretty good at making space for himself, but Hannah never let him keep someone's full attention. "What do you reckon, cadet, are you up for the challenge?"

"I accept the mission, commander," Jim said with a salute.  "I'll keep her busy. And if you want time with Abby or Lilah or Sam, I can get the both of them busy."

"They'll run you ragged," Leonard warned.

"It'll be good exercise," Jim said, and started to stand. "Come on, we should sleep now and get up early enough to get a nice breakfast in town."

Leonard groaned and pushed himself up. "Alright," he allowed. "But no alarms. If we sleep in, we sleep in."

"You gonna mind if I wake up early and go find the exercise room?" Jim asked, though he was looking forward to a morning in, too. 

Leonard gave him a narrow-eyed look. "I'm not gonna mind," he said, "but I am gonna judge you. We're on holiday, for god's sake."

"We're on holiday and I've gotta get in shape before Hannah beats me at my own games," Jim said seriously. He tugged off his shirt and turned to grab another from his bag. " Maybe I'll sleep in."

Leonard retrieved his own pajamas, but kept an eye on Jim as he did. "If you're not in shape already, a morning workout won't do any good," he warned.

"It'll get me in the zone," Jim joked, turning back toward him as he tugged his shirt down over his chest. "I like running, it keeps my head on straight."

"Uh-huh," Leonard said. He wasn't as body-shy as Jim - he had less reason to be - so he got changed without bothering to turn around. "I guess after tonight, you've got a lot of thinking to do?"

Jim watched Bones’ chest for a moment before  meeting his eyes. "Not a ton," he said, and sat on the bed. He'd brush his teeth extra well in the morning; he couldn’t be bothered tonight. "Sam did say you essentially welcomed me into the family by giving me that spiced cider, so I will be thinking about what other delicious and homemade food I get, now I'm in the McCoy clan."

Leonard laughed, reaching out to ruffle his hair. "You've already had half of it," he said. "It's not feeding you that matters, anyway. It's showing you how."

Jim pushed his arm away with a laugh. "You gotta teach me the other half, then," he said with a grin, "I'm only halfway family at this point. And that proverb says you gotta teach a man to fish, not teach him to catch half a fish."

"You're torturing the hell out of that metaphor," Leonard objected, grinning back at him. "If anything, I've taught you how to catch half a dozen kinds of fish, just not every fish in the sea."

"I'm... massaging the metaphor to fit my purpose," Jim said, leaning back on the bed and looking up at him with his eyebrows raised. "You taught me to catch a few, and now I've got these dead fish and still don't know how to de-scale, de-bone, or filet them."

Leonard snorted, rolling his eyes. "No dead fish in my bed, thank you very much," he said. "Shove over and get under the blankets, I want to lie down."

"I've definitely never been called a cold fish in bed," Jim said with a smirk, scooting over and sliding under the covers.

"Well a warm fish isn't better," Leonard teased him, lying down and tucking the blankets around him. "No more fish nonsense."

"You started it," Jim said, blatantly lying, and scooted a little closer before Bones could finish. "You really do smell good like this. Your scent's fuller. Rounder. That make sense?"

Leonard hummed, turning on his side and putting one arm over Jim's waist. "I was always like that," he murmured. "Family scents blended right in. Get enough McCoys in a room, sometimes you can't tell I was there, because I smell like the mix."

"That's very you, somehow. I was the total opposite," Jim said with a little laugh, hooking their ankles together. "My omega scent as a kid was real strong after I presented. A little off, I always thought. Never got even a minorly blended scent til I started on suppressants." 

"I wonder if that's a trans thing or a you thing," Leonard commented idly, stroking his thumb over Jim's side. "You've got the strength of personality for it. And the independent streak."

Jim hummed. "I thought about that, too. Don't know if I thought it smelled weird because of dysphoria, or because I didn’t want to stand out when I was younger." He closed his eyes, tucking closer. "You think your scent blends with mine? Or does it seem dissonant with it?"

"We've been living together," Leonard pointed out. "You already know how our scents blend." Jim's still stood out, a brighter, sweeter note against Leonard's scent, but it didn't conflict.

"Mm, maybe I'm fishing for compliments," Jim said sleepily, but with a tired grin.

Leonard laughed softly. "You blend in just like every other McCoy," he murmured. "Go to sleep, kid."

Jim tucked his head against him happily. "'Night, Bones."

Chapter Text

As promised, once they reached the park the next morning, Jim got Hannah involved in some mutant mix of catch and tag, so Leonard finally had a chance to talk to Eli alone. He didn't make a big thing about it, just sat beside Eli on a bench and waited.

Eli smiled at him as he sat, and went back to curling a blade of grass he'd picked, and then put it between his thumbs. "Mama says you can make a blade of grass whistle if you blow on it right," he said, squinting in focus and trying to adjust his hold. "Did you teach her to do that?"

Leonard laughed, startled. "Been a long while since I thought about that," he admitted. "Yeah, I taught her. Dad taught me, and probably one of his parents taught him, all the way back until rocks were soft."

"Rocks were never soft," Eli said with a grin, and tried to blow against his thumbs. "Hannah says I'm too slow to run like she does. Jim's really fast, too."

"Jim likes running," Leonard said with a shrug. "I don't, so I don't try to keep up with him. And rocks were soft before they became rocks, technically."

"Some rocks were sand and other little rocks," Eli said confidently. " Those aren't soft."

"Aren't they?" Leonard said, not challenging, just a gentle inquiry. "They aren't soft like a pillow, but I could still dig a hole in the sand like I can in the dirt."

Eli had to think about it. "Maybe," he said, and shrugged. "I don't want to be a paleontologist so I don't have to know." Abandoning his bit of grass, he leaned into Leonard’s side. "Did you have to know a lot of things about bones and blood and stuff before you became a doctor?"

Leonard smiled, wrapping an arm around him. "Well, I spent a long time learning all the details at university," he explained. "But being interested in how bodies and illness worked definitely helped."

Eli pulled his legs up on the bench. "Are you ill now? Mama and Daddy said you were sick for a while. Even though you're a doctor and can heal yourself."

Leonard sighed. "Some things take a while to fix," he said quietly, "and I was dealing with two of them. I'm better now." 

"That happened to me once and I was sick for three days," Eli said seriously. "Hannah and me really missed you when you were sick."

"I missed you too," Leonard murmured, hugging him close. "I'm sorry I was gone so long."

"That's okay. You made friends with Jim and he's really nice," Eli said, perking up a little. "Even though you're more like me because you don't like running."

Leonard smiled at him. "Well, you don't have to be the same as people to like them," he said. "You and Hannah are really different, and I like you both just as much as each other."

"And you like Jim," Eli agreed, slumping, thinking that Hannah didn't like him too much. 

"I do," Leonard admitted. "Why the long face, kid?"

Eli picked at the piece of grass in his fingers. "Hannah hates me but Daddy says that's not true."

Leonard blew out a long breath. "That's pretty rough," he said, "thinking your twin hates you. I'd be pretty upset, in your place."

"Yeah but Daddy says Hannah can't show me they love me like I can show them. He said that they show me in other ways," Eli said, shrugging again and looking down at the grass he was fiddling with.

"Well," Leonard said thoughtfully, "your daddy's pretty smart. And he knows you both pretty well. But if I cared about someone, and I couldn't tell that they loved me, I'd be pretty sad about that."

Eli shrugged again, and looked over at his parents. "Hannah said they were sorry for being bossy."

Leonard hugged him closer for a moment. "Eli, I don't know if someone's told you this, but I'm gonna tell you anyway, because I think it's important you hear it," he said carefully. "You're allowed to be upset that your sibling doesn't show you they like you. Even if other people say that they do, even if you're the one who’s good with feelings. It's okay to be upset about it."

Eli bit the inside of his cheek. "I don't like being upset," he said softly.

"It sucks, doesn't it?" Leonard said sympathetically, rubbing his shoulder. "Want me to make suggestions, or do you just wanna hug some more?"

"Just hug," Eli decided, and turned his face into Leonard's shoulder. 

After a minute, he looked up at him. "You smell like Jim," he said.

Leonard smiled a little. "Yeah, we're pretty close," he said fondly.

Eli nodded, because that made sense, and then he lifted his head up and waved to Aunt Lilah, who was walking over to his parents.

Leonard followed his gaze, catching Lilah's eye, and sat up a bit. "I'd better go talk to Lilah," he said. "We haven't seen each other in a long time, so she's probably got a lot to say. Are you gonna be okay on your own, or do you want more hugs first?"

"I'm okay," Eli said, and got up, then skipped over to where Sam and Abby were waiting on the picnic blanket.

Leonard shook his head, admiring how quickly Eli had bounced back (or seemed to), and headed over to Lilah.

By the time he got over there, Abby and Lilah were standing with each other chatting, Lilah’s hand resting on her belly. She greeted him with a tight smile. "Hi. You and your friend make it into town okay?"

"Hi Lilah," Leonard said, keeping a couple of steps away despite the urge to move in and hug her now he finally had an opportunity. "I was swearing at the shuttle all the way, but yes." He nodded over at Jim and Hannah. "Now he's trying to run Hannah ragged enough that they actually sit down for a few hours this afternoon."

Lilah looked over at Jim and Hannah, and then made meaningful eye contact with Abby. "I see what you mean."

"Right?" Abby said with a grin.

Leonard sensed gossip, but if his sisters wanted to be elliptical, he knew he wasn't going to get a straight answer out of them. "How've you been?" he asked. "Do you want to find somewhere to sit?" Lilah's pregnancy was far enough along now that she had an unambiguous bump, and that meant back pain from the extra weight.

"I've been alright. Exhausted," Lilah admitted, and looked around at the picnic blanket where there was a suspicious lack of any of the lawn chairs Abby and Sam typically brought to the park.

"There's that bench?" Abby suggested, and grabbed some juice pouches from the cooler for the both of them.

Lilah took the juice, giving Abby a very different kind of look, and then handed one to Leonard. "It seems like the bench is the best bet," she said wryly.

"I wasn't involved in this conspiring," Leonard said immediately, holding up his hands in surrender. "But that bench has already done good work for me and Eli, I'm sure it'll hold you and the little bean just fine."

"No, this was all a certain middle sibling," Lilah grumbled, and headed over in that direction. 

As they walked, she glanced over at Len. "Abby was adamant we get some time to talk when I spoke to her last night."

"I'd appreciate that," Leonard admitted carefully. "But if you don't want to, I'm not going to force the issue."

"It's fine, Len,” Lilah said with a wan smile. “We'll sit, and have our juice, and you can give me your best medical advice for getting twelve hours worth of sleep into a seven hour period." 

Leonard laughed ruefully. "Kids are running you ragged?" he guessed. Juggling a five year old, a two year old, and a pregnancy at the same time wasn't for the faint of heart. "Cat naps, whenever you can."

"Running me ragged's a mild way to put it," Lilah said with a fond, if exhausted, sigh. "I'm thinking I might take a leave from work, try and catch up on sleep and housework, and give the kids a bit more attention before we get a third in the mix."

"Sounds reasonable to me," Leonard said carefully, reluctant to push if she hadn’t made up her mind yet. "Or reduced hours, maybe, if they don't agree to leave." 

"They'll agree to it," Lilah said, waving her hand. "We just hired someone new, and it's not like I feel up to crawling around transporters all day to make sure they're up to code."

Leonard huffed a laugh. "Yeah, that'll get awkward around now," he agreed. "You've been okay, though, apart from the usual things?"

They reached the bench, and Lilah sat down slowly, feeling a lot bigger than she really was. "I have, yeah. The kids are doing good. Josh is nearly potty trained, just in time for us to start changing diapers again," she said with a little laugh. "How about you? You're doing alright?"

"I'm okay," Leonard said, sitting down with a bit of space between them. "Got through the semester fine. Me and Jim are picking out a place for our last year that'll have a decent kitchen." He glanced at her, then added quietly, "Only drinking socially, now and then."

Lilah looked over at him. "I'm glad to hear it," she replied, voice soft, and looked down to stick the straw in her juice pouch. "Ma asked me about you the other day, asked if you were still drinking. I don't know why, since you and Abby talk more."

Leonard shrugged, trying to seem unaffected. "I couldn't tell you," he said. "Maybe she thinks Abby would lie for me."

"Probably," Lilah said with a snort. She glanced at him. "I told her to ask you herself, if she was concerned."

Leonard glanced back, then down at his hands. "I won't hold my breath," he said. "Honestly, this much from you and Abby is already more than I was expecting to get."

"It's real weird, seeing you again," Lilah said quietly, looking over at where Jim and Hannah were still playing. "A year ago I don't know if I would've agreed to come today."

"I can understand that," Leonard said quietly. "I don't blame you for it, either. I've missed the hell out of you, you've got no idea how much, but you get to set the boundaries here. No matter what Abby thinks."

Lilah laughed softly, and covered her face with her hand for a moment. "Lord, I forgot how level-headed you are when you're not drunk."

"I'm sorry, Lilah," Leonard told her. "I'm sorry about...fuck, so many things. I was a fucking mess, and I made everything worse than it already was."

"Can we not do this right now?" Lilah asked, not looking at him. "I'm tired, and my feet are swollen, and I'm— I'm not gonna be able to tell you anything you want to hear."

"Of course," Leonard said quickly, grimacing. "Sorry. I won't bring it up again until you do. Just...wanted to make sure you knew." 

He looked out across the park at Jim, who had dramatically collapsed on the grass. "How's Thiago going? Bracing for midnight diaper changes?"

Lilah took a deep breath, watching Jim's theatrics as well. "He's over the moon. Used to want a minimum of three, and I think we're reassessing that now, but he's even found a way to be enthusiastic about all of that." She rubbed her stomach. "He keeps reminding me of the good things to look forward to, whenever I get moody about it."

"Thiago's sweet," Leonard said, smiling fondly. "You picked a good one."

"I did," Lilah said softly. "...And your friend seems nice, from what I've heard."

Leonard laughed. "I know it's weird, him and me," he admitted. "That we can't define it yet. But he's a good guy."

"Well, weird or not, Abby's said he's attractive as hell and got along with the kids and Sam," Lilah said appreciatively. "You looking forward to moving in together?"

"Functionally, we already have," Leonard admitted. "I'm looking forward to not cramming both of us into a dorm meant for one."

"That space'll be nice," Lilah agreed. "What's his story?"

Leonard blew out a breath, trying to figure out how to explain Jim without saying more than he should. "Well, long story short," he said, "he's spent most of his life being compared to his dead father, who was a Starfleet captain, and he had fuck-all supportive adults until another Starfleet captain tracked him down in a bar and dared him to beat his father's reputation. So. You could say he's determined to go places."

Lilah watched Jim, trying to see that in him. "Sounds like you support each other now," she said slowly. "It's nice you've got him."

"He latches on to people," Leonard said quietly. "Sat next to me on the shuttle to San Francisco and just...never left."

"You do the same thing," Lilah said, her voice a little fond. "Not latching, but a... protective hover. Abby's the same."

Leonard smiled a little. "I guess we do," he agreed. "Bit of a McCoy trait."

Lilah hummed as she finished off her juice pouch. "I shouldn't stay too long, Thi's with the kids and trying to work at the same time. But I want to meet Jim. How much longer until they both run out of steam?"

Leonard shook his head. "Jim'll keep going from sheer stubbornness." He stood up and cupped his hands around his mouth, shouting, "Snacks and juice break!"

Hannah apparently decided it was a race, and started off to the picnic blanket, giving themself a big head start before Jim could run after them, laughing. When he caught up, he ruffled their hair and Eli’s, before snagging a container of berries and taking it over to Leonard and Lilah. "You must be Lilah!” he said cheerfully when he reached them. “I'm Jim, the delivery boy, according to Abby.”

Lilah took the container from him with a little smile. "Thanks, Jim. Nice to meet you. Len was telling me you two are getting a place together?"

"If we can find a place we both agree on," Jim said genially, giving Leonard a questioning look - did he want him to hang around, or give them more space?

"Are you going to sit down and drink some water any time soon?" Leonard scolded him cheerfully. "For goodness' sake, I'm exhausted just from watching you."

Jim laughed. "I can't let them know I'm tired," he joked, tilting his head back toward Hannah. "I think if they sense my weakness it's all over."

Lilah snorted. "Hannah can be intense," she said fondly. "They're a good kid. Got a lot of energy to work out."

"No kidding," Leonard muttered. "Thanks for keeping them occupied," he added to Jim. "I think Eli really needed that chat."

"It was fun, Hannah's a blast," Jim said easily.

"Is Eli alright?" Lilah asked, frowning. "He seemed even quieter today than he normally is."

Leonard sighed. "He thinks Hannah doesn't like him, and it's hard," he said quietly. "Abby and Sam have tried to reassure him about it, but it's still him doing the emotional work there."

"Oh, the poor thing," Lilah said sympathetically. "He must know Hannah loves him deep down."

Hannah called for Jim, and Jim gave them an apologetic smile. "I'm being summoned, I better head back," he said, taking a step backwards, and then ruffling Bones' hair. "But it was good meeting you, Lilah."

"Have fun," Leonard said, waving him off, then focused on Lilah again. "He knows, but how much comfort is that, when you're his age?"

"Poor thing," she said again, shaking her head. "I'd have him over without Hannah, but he'd get bored playing with just Marco."

"He might like talking to you , though," Leonard suggested thoughtfully. "He's a smart kid, he likes to think and learn as well as play."

"Hannah's got a game coming up soon—maybe I'll take him out for ice cream," Lilah said, looking over at Leonard, thinking about how he would have been such a good dad for Joanna. 

Her eyes widened, and she slapped a hand to her forehead. "I've got the worst case of pregnancy brain, I meant to send you these last week," she said, pulling out her comm and sending him a few pictures of Jo, one with frosting on her cheek and another of her and Marco and a handful other kids. "She and Marco went to a birthday party together and I stuck around to help out."

Leonard caught sight of the photo and drew in a sharp breath, tears coming to his eyes.

"Thiago's on a mission to become friends with Jocelyn enough we can have Jo over and she won't suspect we're hiding you in our basement, or something," Lilah explained, shaking her head. "He's had a few conversations with her at the daycare. I think he's the only person that can pretend to stomach her."

"God," Leonard breathed, one hand over his mouth. "God, Lilah, you've got no idea..."

"You had to know we were keeping an eye on Jo now that Thiago and I see her at the daycare," Lilah said, frowning, and feeling herself tearing up too.

Leonard nodded, trying to get a hold of himself. "Abby told me, but it's still..." He swallowed hard. "Two years ago, I thought I'd never get to see her again."

Lilah put a hand on his shoulder briefly, and then dropped it back to her lap. "She's doing good. Total chatterbox. Really creative, too. She makes up games for her and her friends to play, according to Marco."

"She was always talkative," Leonard said roughly, wiping his eyes. "Even babbling, she'd have conversations with us."

"Do you have the video of her and the twins talking to each other?" Lilah asked, smiling as she thought about it. "I couldn't remember who took that, but Abby said she didn't."

Leonard swallowed. "Yeah, I... I managed to get copies of all the baby holos before Joce kicked me out for good," he said quietly. He hadn't looked at them in months; he never did, now, unless he could afford a full day to be miserable. "I'll, uh, I'll send you both a copy."

"Thanks," Lilah said with a small smile. "I'd appreciate that." She put her comm away. "I should probably get going."

"Of course," Leonard agreed, trying to pull himself together. "Thanks for stopping by."

"I'm glad I did," Lilah admitted, standing with help from the arm rest. "It was good to see you looking better."

"Take care, okay?" Leonard said, standing up as well. "You ever need anything, you know where to find me."

Lilah smiled, one hand on her stomach, the other still holding the empty juice pouch. It was a good excuse to not hug him. "I do. Send me that vid and I'll see if I can get more pictures."

Leonard swallowed hard, and covered it up with a mock salute. "You got it," he said. 

Lilah chuckled. "Alright, Starfleet. You take care," she said, and started back toward where she'd left her transport.

Leonard watched her all the way to her transport, then sank back down onto the bench.

Jim came over and sat down right next to him once he'd sat again. "How'd it go?" he asked softly.

Leonard leaned against him, hiding his face against Jim's shoulder. "I know you were watching the whole time," he pointed out. "You tell me."

Jim sighed and slid an arm around Bones' waist. "She seems hesitant. But she came. That's not nothing."

Leonard knew, he knew that 'not nothing' was a good thing. But his sister had been an arm's length away and didn't want to touch him.

Jim just held him closer, but tapped his side when he saw Eli come running over. "Incoming," he warned Bones under his breath, pulling his arm back.

Eli stopped by the bench and looked questioningly between Leonard and Jim. "Are you okay?" he asked him. " You look upset now."

Leonard sat up, giving Eli a weak smile. "I'm alright," he promised. "Your Aunt Lilah's upset with me for some things I did just before I got sick. It was good to see her, but..." He sighed. "It made me miss when we were closer, that's all."

Eli sat onto the bench when Jim scooted away, giving him some space to sit between them, and leaned into Leonard. "Mama says Aunt Lilah's the most stubborn of all the McCoys."

Leonard chuckled, rubbing Eli's shoulder gratefully. "That's just because she doesn't want to admit she's the most stubborn of the McCoys," he said.

"She and Daddy don't stay mad long when they fight," Eli said thoughtfully as he hugged Leonard from the side.

Leonard gave Jim a dry look. "That's because Sam's very clever," he said. "They made a plan for how to disagree, and they use it."

"How do they do that?" Eli asked with a little frown, and then looked at Jim. "Do you and Uncle Len disagree?"

Jim chuckled. "Sometimes, but we talk a lot , and that helps us understand each other."

"I bet if you ask Sam, he'll tell you about it," Leonard said. "And in fact, I bet you'll recognise some of it too, as things he gets you and Hannah to do when y'all have a fight."

"Oh," Eli said, and shrugged. "Maybe. I'll ask him. Do you feel better yet?"

Leonard laughed, hugging him tighter for a moment. "Yeah," he said, "good job."

"Well, it's okay to be upset, but it does suck," Eli said sagely, and got up from the bench. "Do you wanna come home for lunch? Mama said we're gonna have replicated food because she and Daddy are tired."

Leonard smiled and glanced at Jim. "I think Jim needs a nap after getting chased all over the park by your sibling," he said. "But we'll see how we're feeling after that and maybe come over later."

Eli grinned. "Maybe Daddy will make pizza again!" he said, and pressed his face into Leonard's cheek affectionately. "I'll go tell Mama you'll come for dinner."

Leonard watched him go, feeling soft and warm at Eli's thoughtful affection.

"He's such a good kid," Jim said fondly. "They both are. Hannah even seemed a little mellowed out after running around for hours."

"Some kids that age just don't run out of energy," Leonard said, shaking his head. "Good job keeping them occupied."

Jim scooted closer again. "I might've been like that at that age," he said with a little smile. "You wanna head back and rest a bit now? We could go say our goodbyes."

"Yeah," Leonard said quietly, pressing their legs together. "Thanks for coming with me."

"Of course," Jim replied, and put his hand on Bones' knee. "I was happy to."

Chapter Text

When they arrived at Abby’s for dinner, Hannah was the one to open the door this time, with Eli running in from the living room behind them. "Daddy's cooking again but says it's a surprise," they told Leonard, and then launched themself at Jim to try and tackle him into the grass. 

Jim barely managed to stay standing, and laughed. "I think you gained some muscle these past few days, kid," he said.

Eli grabbed Leonard's hand and pulled him inside. "C'mere, I wanna show you something!"

"Alright, alright, I'm coming," Leonard agreed, letting Eli drag him into the house.

"Uncle Len is here," Eli called to his parents, while pulling Leonard to the stairs. 

"Wait," Abby called, stepping out of the kitchen. "Len, can you have Jim come in? Sam needs to check ingredients for him."

"Hannah abducted him," Leonard explained, and turned to shout over his shoulder, "Jim! Sam needs you in the kitchen for a minute!"

Jim came in with Hannah on his back, laughing as he set them down on the floor. "I'll be right back," he promised them and greeted Abby with a quick hug.

"Can we go upstairs now?" Eli whined.

"Yes, go on," Abby said, shooing them.

"Alright," Leonard said, following Eli up. "What are you showing me?"

"My secret quests," Eli said seriously, and pulled him into his room. He had a digital scrapbook waiting on his bed and pulled Leonard over to show it to him. "The tooth fairy said that she wanted to learn more about humans, so I documented my life for her. I still haven't lost another tooth, but when I do, I'm gonna put it under my pillow for her. Daddy said it's like first contact and I should ask your opinion."

Leonard put a hand over his mouth to cover his expression, and hoped he'd managed to make it look thoughtful. Clearly Abby and Sam had taken his idea and run with it. "Well, that's a very special project," he said, sitting down on the bed. "Mind if I take a look at what you've done so far?"

Eli nodded and handed it over. "One of my teeth is loose now, so I've got another few days to make it good."

Leonard took the scrapbook and slowly paged through it, reading carefully.

"You could add stuff, if you wanted," Eli suggested, watching him read it.

"It's your book," Leonard said firmly, glancing up and smiling at him. "If you want me to write something at the end, I will, but the rest is yours."

Eli shrugged, though he was pleased that Leonard seemed to like it. The scrapbook had bits from his homework assignments, descriptions of him and his friends, an entire day where he wrote down what he did every hour, and a lot of pictures of him and Hannah and his house and his favorite places in their neighborhood; it was pretty comprehensive already. "Could you help me write a note to her?"

"Absolutely," Leonard agreed, smiling at him. "You've done an amazing job with this, Eli, I'm really impressed." It was going to be a fantastic project to look back on when he was older, too.

Eli grinned and grabbed his notepadd from his bedside and pulled up a new page on it with the stylus. "How do you greet people from species you never met before?"

"Well," Leonard said, trying to remember his diplomacy classes, "you wanna start by saying who you are, and where you're from, and a reassurance that you mean well. So a lot of the time, I'd say, 'I'm Doctor Leonard McCoy of the Starship Whatever. I'm here to help.'"

Eli laughed at the ‘Starship Whatever’ , then wrote, reading aloud as he did: "Hi. I'm Eli McCoy and I'm here to help you learn about human children." He looked up at Leonard for his approval.

"Good job," Leonard said warmly. "What you say next depends on how they respond, but since you're writing a letter, you've gotta do the whole thing and then see what they say."

"Hm. Maybe... I hope this helps and is worth fifty credits. Sincerely, Eli." Eli wrote his name in big, fancy looking letters, since he didn't actually know how to do his signature. He handed the notepadd to Leonard. "Are the words spelled right?"

Leonard cleared his throat to cover his amusement, then double-checked Eli's spelling and nodded. "Do you want me to write a note too?" he asked.

"Yeah! You should say you're with Starfleet," Eli told him, and gave him the stylus. "Then we'll put it in the front of the book for the tooth fairy."

"Alright," Leonard agreed. "Let me see..." He thought for a minute, then read aloud as he wrote: "Greetings. I am Doctor Leonard McCoy, Eli's uncle. As a member of Starfleet, I am honoured to take part in his communication with another species, and offer my sincere good wishes to you and all other tooth fairies. Sincerely, Leonard McCoy."

"That's perfect," Eli decided, and then opened the front cover of the scrapbook and held the notepadd over it so both messages transferred to it. "Thanks, Uncle Len. I think that she'll really like it."

"You're welcome," Leonard said warmly, ruffling his hair. "Thank you for letting me be a part of it."

Eli grinned and brushed his cheek against Leonard's shoulder, before putting the scrapbook back under his pillow where he'd been keeping it so he wouldn't forget when he lost his tooth. "Don't tell Hannah you helped. They don't understand how important first contact is."

"Alright," Leonard promised solemnly. "Can I tell Jim? He'll be very impressed."

"...Okay," Eli decided, and got off the bed. "Can we go see if dinner's almost ready? I'm hungry."

"Sure we can," Leonard agreed. "Lead the way."

After dinner, Abby decided it was time to get Leonard and the kids out of the way so she and Sam could finish getting dessert ready. "What do y'all think of going for a walk?” she suggested. “It's cooled down some, and you might see some lightning bugs out there."

"I want to take a walk with Uncle Len but I don't want Eli to come," Hannah declared.

"That's not fair," Eli argued, scowling. "I'm going too."

"You're hogging Uncle Len, and that 's not fair either!" Hannah said, raising their voice.

Abby looked over at Sam for him to intervene, but Leonard spoke up first. "Hey now," he put in quickly, "we can negotiate this without yelling. I'm going to listen to everyone, you don't have to raise your voices."

Sam nodded, giving Hannah and Eli a quelling look. "Hannah, you were playing with Jim earlier," he said. "How about Eli, you walk with Jim and tell him about the lightning bugs, and Hannah, you can walk with Leonard?"

Hannah pouted. "Fine," they said, and got up from the table, stomping to the front hall, before Eli stormed out after them to put their shoes on, too.

Jim stood. "I think that means we're off on our walk," he said wryly, glancing at Bones.

"To be fair," Leonard said, getting up, "I have spent a lot of time with Eli this week." He glanced at Jim and lowered his voice. "You should ask him about first contact."

Jim raised his eyebrows. "Sure."

"Eli needed some time with you," Abby said quietly, shaking her head. "That's not your fault. Try to be back in about... thirty minutes? There's a loop you could take around the farm down the road that'll get you back in time for dessert. The kids know it."

"No problem," Leonard reassured her. "Y'all enjoy the quiet, we won't let them fall in a bog."

Abby laughed. "One bog mishap in childhood is character-building," she joked, waving them off and starting to clean up.

When they got outside, the kids were waiting impatiently, so Leonard went straight up to Hannah and said, "Your mom told us there's a loop around the farm that takes about half an hour. You wanna lead the way?"

Hannah nodded and started marching in the right direction, looping their arm with Leonard's so he kept up with them and didn't try to talk to Eli. "I brought a flashlight because Mama says we gotta bring a flashlight when we go out when it's gonna get dark."

"That's very sensible," Leonard said approvingly. "It's easy to get lost if you can't see where you're going."

"I do know the way," Hannah reassured him. "We take our bikes on this route, and sometimes we get to see cows and goats and pigs!"

"Sounds like fun," Leonard said warmly. "Now, you're right that I haven't had a lot of time with just you this week. How have you been?"

"I'm good. Temma and I got ice cream after our last baseball game. She's nice, even though she likes to sit in the outfield during games," Hannah told him happily, and pointed far off to the right. "She lives that way."

Leonard smiled at them. "I'm really proud of you for getting to know her better," he said warmly. "It's not easy being kind and friendly when someone frustrates you."

"She can be really frustrating," Hannah agreed, and lowered their voice a little. "Mama said that some people's brains and bodies work different and that's sometimes frustrating but that I should still be friends with them."

"That's a good way to think," Leonard agreed. "Your mom and dad are pretty different, aren't they? And you and Eli."

Hannah made a face. "Yeah. But Eli's annoying ."

Leonard hummed thoughtfully, remembering his conversation with Eli the day before. "Do you think he finds you annoying?"

"He tells me he does all the time," Hannah said with a huff. They looked back. "I bet Jim thinks he's boring."

"You know," Leonard commented, "even if Jim thinks Eli is interesting, that doesn't mean he thinks you're boring."

"But it does mean that Jim's more boring," Hannah said decisively, and stopped them to press up against the wooden fence that went around the farm's large field. "Look! Do you see the lightning bugs?"

"I see them," Leonard said, thinking hard. "Pretty impressive."

"Eli! Jim!" Hannah called, gesturing for them to look, too. "Eli really likes them," they told Leonard.

"You two must be experts on what each other likes, huh," Leonard commented. "Guess I know who to ask when I'm working out Christmas presents."

"I know everything about Eli," Hannah agreed, and pulled out their comm to take a picture of the fireflies.

Leonard hummed thoughtfully. "You know," he said slowly, "one thing I always find interesting is the different ways people show they care about each other. Jim doesn't tend to say it out loud, for example, but he makes sure to spend a lot of time with people who matter to him. Sounds like you show you care by paying attention."

"Yeah," Hannah agreed again. "I notice everything about people!" They smiled at Leonard. "I noticed that you really liked the guacamole but you didn't like a lot of sour cream on your taco salad at dinner."

Leonard grinned back at them. "Good spotting!" he said warmly. "Does Eli notice things too, or does he show he cares in a different way?"

Hannah considered that as they started to walk again. They'd see the lightning bugs more when it got darker. "Eli doesn't see things but he listens really well,” they decided. “Daddy's a good listener, too."

Leonard nodded, following them along the path. "Yeah, Sam's always been good at that," he agreed. "He can be very patient."

"He says I can be impatient," Hannah admitted. "I don't like being impatient, but everyone does everything so slow ."

"Pretty frustrating, huh?" Leonard said sympathetically.

"Yeah," Hannah said, getting their flashlight out as the sun was starting to set. They swung the small cube light from the lanyard it hung on. "Do you think people do things slow sometimes? I don't think Mama or Daddy think so."

"I'm probably slow like your parents," Leonard admitted. "But I know Jim thinks too quick for people sometimes."

"Me too! Jim's like me a lot," Hannah said. "Eli's not dumb just because he thinks slowly. He thinks I think that, even when I tell him I don't."

Leonarard smiled at them. "You and Eli are both smart, but you definitely think in different ways," he agreed. "What sort of thinking is Eli good at?"

"Slow?" Hannah said with a giggle. "I don't know. He's good at science."

Leonard nodded. "Sometimes thinking slower helps with science," he commented. "You've gotta be thorough, think through all the different possibilities and go step by step. Does that sound like Eli?"

"Uh huh. Sometimes I think too fast and skip a step," Hannah admitted.

Leonard ruffled their hair affectionately. "I'm pretty sure Jim does that too," he reassured them. "That's why it's helpful to have us slow thinkers around."

"That's what my parents say, that Eli and I balance out." Hannah jumped to get to his hair, and ruffle it back.

Leonard laughed warmly at them. "Can I tell you something, sweetheart?" he said carefully. "About having family or friends that are different from you."

"Uh huh," Hannah said, activating their light to shine on the path ahead of them.

"It's real easy, when you think a different way from someone, for something to be obvious to you and not them," Leonard said, deliberately casual. "Like how you noticed I really liked guacamole. It's obvious to you, right? But maybe Eli didn't see it at all."

Hannah thought about that for a second. "I knew that already. I don't think Eli noticed that."

Leonard nodded. "Well, it's not just what I like for dinner he might notice differently," he said. "Sometimes, I've been friends with someone for a while, and then I realised, they didn't know I cared about them, because what I was doing wasn't obvious to their way of noticing."

"You need to tell them, then. I'd tell Eli but he always thinks I'm lying about everything," Hannah said with a roll of their eyes.

"Well, like you said, Eli listens," Leonard pointed out. "If you're saying he's boring and annoying and he should stay home instead of coming out to see the fireflies, he listens to that."

Hannah kicked at a rock on the ground. "But when I think those things I say them," they said. "I know inside thoughts aren't supposed to always be outside thoughts."

"I know," Leonard said sympathetically. "Sometimes something just pops outta your mouth before you can think to close it."

Hannah frowned. "I told Eli that but he doesn't listen about it."

"Well," Leonard said gently, "maybe you could try saying more nice things to balance it out. Not just saying you didn't mean it, but things like...well, what is cool about Eli?"

"He's good at spelling," Hannah said thoughtfully. "And he sings good."

"Do you like it when he sings?" Leonard prompted. Eli didn't need to know he was good at things, or at least, he didn't need to hear it from Hannah. He needed to hear that they liked things about him.

"Yeah, and he plays the keyboard sometimes too and that's nice," Hannah said, thinking more about it.

Leonard smiled at them. "Maybe next time, you could tell him that," he suggested. "I bet he'd like to hear it."

"I guess." Hannah agreed and bounced a little as they walked. "Uncle Len, walk like this," they told him, and started skipping.

Leonard snorted. Jim was definitely gonna tease him about this. But he followed Hannah anyway.

When dessert was done, it was late enough that the kids were sent up to brush their teeth and get into pajamas. Abby glanced at the stairs, and then Leonard. "You wanna tuck them in tonight?"

"I see how it is," Leonard teased her. "You're fobbing off your chores on me like you did when you were twelve."

Abby laughed. "I would never! Though I'm not letting you leave until the lawn's mowed," she teased.

"You didn't notice it's nearly dark out?" Leonard pointed out, grinning at her. "Lawn mowing will just have to wait for my next visit."

Abby raised her eyebrows. "You know, since the last time you were here, humanity's created something called electricity. We've got outside lights, Len."

"You ever hear of a little courtesy to your neighbours?" Leonard replied. "Noise pollution? I thought you were trying to get the kids to bed, and now you want me to run a lawn mower outside?"

"It's like white noise, helps 'em sleep," Abby said, and gave him a gentle push toward the stairs. "Tell them we say goodnight?"

"You got it," Leonard said, laughing, and went upstairs to track down the kids.

Abby grinned after him, and went to chat with Sam and Jim.

"...And you're really good at keeping your room clean," Hannah was telling Eli as the pair walked back to their rooms. "Mine is always messy and mama and daddy get annoyed at it."

Leonard paused at the top of the stairs, then a soft smile spread across his face. Apparently Hannah had taken his advice to heart. "Hey there, you two," he said fondly. "Your mom says I get to tuck you in tonight, if you want."

Both kids sounded their enthusiastic agreement.

"Me first!" Eli said.

Hannah made a face. " Fine , I'll get in bed."

"You want an extra couple minutes before you lie down?" Leonard checked with Hannah. "I'll say goodnight to Eli and then I'll be right in."

" Yeah ," Hannah said happily, and went off to their bedroom.

Eli took Leonard's hand and pulled him into his bedroom. "Did you like the surprise cobbler?" he asked, smiling as he got into bed. "I helped prepare it earlier today."

"You did a great job," Leonard said warmly, tucking the blankets over him and sitting on the edge of the bed. "It was a lovely surprise."

Eli's smile faded a little. "Are you gonna visit again soon?"

"I don't know how soon," Leonard warned him, "but...I'll try to come for some of the Christmas holidays." Christmas itself would be horribly awkward, but maybe he could visit just after. "And you've got my comm now, so we can call often."

"I'll call you to tell you how it goes with the tooth fairy," Eli said, a little excitement slipping into his voice again.

Leonard smiled at him, stroking his hair back from his forehead. "I want to hear all about it," he confirmed. "And if you're ever upset about something, you go ahead and tell me, okay? I can't hug you from San Francisco, but I can listen."

"Okay," Eli said softly, and yawned. "I'm gonna miss you."

"I'm gonna miss you too, darlin'," Leonard murmured. He bent down and kissed Eli's forehead, taking one last deep breath of his scent. "Ready for me to turn the light out?"

"Yeah," Eli said, already a little sleepy. It'd been a busy day for them all. "'Night Uncle Len."

"Goodnight, Eli," Leonard said softly. "Love you." He stood and turned the light off, watching Eli from the door for a few moments before he turned away.

Hannah was sitting on their bed and reading on their PADD when Leonard came in. "You should shut the door if Eli's already asleep," they whispered. "He’s a light sleeper."

"You got it," Leonard said softly, closing the door behind him. "Good book?"

"Uh huh. It's about a kid who can see ghosts," they said happily, and put it down on the side table before lying down.

"Yeah?" Leonard said, tucking them in and sitting down beside them. "What are the ghosts like? Are they scary or friendly?"

"They're friendly! And they solve mysteries together," Hannah said with a smile. "They're all friends. But there's one ghost that's really bossy and everyone gets annoyed at him."

"Is that right?" Leonard said warmly. "How on earth do you handle a bossy ghost?"

"Well you can ignore him but that makes him mad, and you can also tell him that he needs to let everyone else talk too. Everyone left without him once and he got really sad," Hannah said, and shrugged. "Boris is the bossy one but my favorite is Talky. She's a ghost parrot! She's really funny."

"Sounds like fun," Leonard told them. "What d'you reckon, would you like a ghost parrot for a pet?"

"No, because I couldn't feel its feathers," Hannah said thoughtfully. They wiggled a little under the covers. "Do you have a pet?"

"No, no pets," Leonard said, then grinned. "Just Jim. He followed me home and I kept him."

Hannah giggled. "Jim's like... a monkey," they decided. "He's gonna be a captain monkey!"

"I'm gonna tell him you said that," Leonard warned them, his eyes dancing. "Now, are you ready to go to sleep?"

Hannah laughed again. "I'm not tired," they said, and wiggled under the covers again. "Captain Monkey's gonna think it's funny."

"But it's still bedtime," Leonard informed them. "How about I read to you for a bit, will that help you settle down?"

"Yes," Hannah decided, giving him their PADD. "Right now they're solving a mystery of who stole a pizza from the doorstep when they ordered dinner."

"A very important mystery," Leonard said seriously.

It turned out he hadn't forgotten the art of the bedtime story. You didn't want to be too monotonous, you still wanted it to be interesting, but if you gradually slowed down and gentled your voice, the mood got calmer and calmer. Eventually, he turned off the PADD and put it down.

Hannah blinked their eyes open, half asleep. "You stopped," they accused, frowning.

Leonard smiled at them. "It's time to sleep," he murmured. "And it's time for me to say goodnight."

"Night," Hannah mumbled, closing their eyes again.

"Love you, sweetheart," Leonard murmured, kissing their forehead. "Sleep well."

Hannah mumbled another response, too sleepy for the words to come out.

When Leonard came downstairs, he found Abby, Sam, and Jim all sitting in the living room - and they all stopped talking to turn and look at him when he showed up. "...I suppose I should've guessed you'd be gossiping," he said with a sigh.

“We're just coming up with other chores of Abby's you could do," Jim offered with a grin. Sam had made them all some cocoa, and he had a sip of his.

Abby smiled, her eyes crinkling. "Come have some cocoa while I think of more stories I can tell about you."

Leonard shook his head ruefully, but went over and sat down next to Jim. "It's all lies," he informed Jim loftily.

"I don't know," Jim tsked his tongue, keeping a little distance between them, "some of them are pretty convincing."

Leonard rolled his eyes and elbowed Jim in the ribs. "Sure they are." 

Jim grinned and elbowed him back. "Why don't you finish the one you were telling before, Abby?" Before they'd gotten derailed a bit. "You were telling me about the horse Len was afraid of."

Abby grinned. "It belonged to our neighbor, and he had this recurring nightmare for years that the horse would show up and try to eat the things in his room."

Jim laughed. "That true, Bones? You were scared of a horse?"

"That horse was huge," Leonard informed him, "and I saw it break into a chicken coop to eat the eggs once, so it breaking into the house didn't seem that unreasonable."

"Sure," Jim said placatingly, and ruffled Bones' hair. "Totally explains it."

"You ever seen a horse eat a clutch of eggs?" Leonard challenged him. "It's disturbing if you aren't seven years old."

Jim grinned at him. "No, but I've seen horses do plenty of other things," he teased, then looked at Abby. "What else can you tell me?"

"I think if I open my mouth more, Len's gonna object," she said with a chuckle. "If I had a few more minutes, I'd get out the baby holos."

"Why do you have my baby pictures?" Leonard said incredulously. "Did Mama delegate the matriarch duties when I wasn't looking just because you had kids first?"

Abby smiled smugly. "No, but Lilah and I got together the most embarrassing ones over the years. It's too bad you didn't bring more people home for us to show them to."

"That's not fair!" Leonard blurted out. "Neither of you are bringing new folks home either!"

Abby held up her hands. "We started doing this when I met Sam. It's not our fault you didn't plan ahead like we did," she teased, but relented a little. "I could give you our secret cache of holos if you're that worried."

Leonard sighed. "I'll take a copy, but the damage is done," he said, gesturing at Jim. "He's never gonna take me seriously again."

"Yeah, it's gonna do irreparable damage to my view of you," Jim said with a grin, bumping their knees together. He'd already planned on seeing them once Bones had a copy.

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Y'all are ridiculous," he said firmly.

"Then Jim fits right in," Sam teased him.

Jim laughed and brushed his hand through Leonard's hair again. "Come on, Bones. You know you want me to see all your cute baby pictures."

Abby was grinning too. "Some are very cute," she promised. "Some are hilarious ."

"If you wanted to convince me it's time to get outta Georgia, that's done it," Leonard warned her. "See if I keep bringing people home like this."

"You're already leaving tomorrow," Abby said easily. "This is why I didn't mention it when you first arrived."

Leonard sobered. "Yeah," he said quietly. "I'll try not to leave it so long before my next visit."

Abby glanced at Sam before looking back at Len. "We were thinking you might want to visit again near the twins' birthday? If you're free."

"If I can," Leonard allowed. "And I'll...try for near Christmas - not the holiday itself, I know that wouldn't work. But close."

Sam frowned, putting a hand on Abby's leg. "You should get to be here for the holidays," he said firmly. "It's been two years."

"Sam's right," Abby said with a determined nod. "You should be here. We can figure out the hows of it when it's closer."

"Two years, and Mama hasn't said a word to me since the funeral," Leonard pointed out, reluctant to let them raise his hopes.

"Noelle isn't the whole family," Sam replied, with the calm of someone raised outside the McCoy clan. "If you want to be here, we'll make a space for you."

"We'll figure it out," Abby said, putting her hand over Sam's, her gaze unwavering from Leonard. "We want you there."

Leonard looked away. "We'll see," he allowed. "But I'll, I won't make other plans."

"I'll be here either way," Jim said happily, hoping to break the tension a little, "assuming I'm invited."

Abby smiled, though she still watched Leonard carefully out of the corner of her eye. "I think the twins would riot if you didn't visit again, Jim. You're both welcome here."

Leonard gratefully accepted the change of subject, turning to Jim. "Thanks for taking Eli this evening," he said. "Did you enjoy discussing first contact?"

Jim smiled, pressing their knees together. "I had a blast. He's got a lot of great ideas for other things to add now." He looked over at Abby and Sam. "It's been fun getting to know the both of them. And you two."

"They like you," Sam said. "Both of them, which is a good recommendation."

"You should send them to San Francisco sometime," Jim said, just casual enough to make it seem like he'd just thought of the idea. "We'll have a bigger place in a few weeks and will have more than enough room for them. We can show them around Starfleet HQ, take them to some museums..." he raised his eyebrows at Bones. "I think between the two of us we could make it work with scheduling."

Abby tilted her head. "They're a little young for a transport ship on their own," she hedged, checking in with Sam about it with a silent look. "But we could try and come up with something."

"Definitely too young," Leonard agreed, before Abby or Sam could trap themselves by being polite. "But if the four of you want to visit, or one of you wants to bring them both, we'd love to see you."

"I think we can find some time to visit before school starts up again," Abby said with a smile. "We'll check their schedules and ours—I know middle of July is more free," she added, half as an aside to Sam. "I don't think we'd planned anything?"

"Not yet," Sam agreed. 'Hannah's team takes a break then and we were trying to decide what to do with the time."

"Some time in July, then," Leonard agreed, smiling warmly at them all. "Jim and I'll have to make sure we're all set up in time."

"July," Abby said firmly, trying to catch Leonard's eye so he knew she was serious. "What time's your shuttle tomorrow?"

"Nine thirty," Leonard replied. Late enough in the morning that hopefully his breakfast would stay settled.

"Not too bad," Abby said, leaning into Sam a little more. "Is it true you're taking a flight class this semester? You could rent a shuttle and fly yourself back," she teased.

"Oh, hell no," Leonard said immediately, recoiling. "I may have to take flight classes, but I am never putting myself in the pilot's seat if I don't have to be. No."

"I think we're both happy with someone else flying us back," Jim said, chuckling and pressing their thighs together reassuringly. "Unless you really want me to fly us, Bones."

"You enjoy it too much," Leonard grumbled.

"I'll be doing a lot of flying before I ever get to command." Jim added fondly, directed at Sam at Abby; "but I'm tired enough from running around with Hannah that I'll enjoy getting to rest on the flight."

Sam smiled at him. "They loved getting to play with you," he said. "We usually run out of puff before they do."

"Bones usually does before I do," Jim joked, and then had to backtrack because he knew how that sounded, especially with the looks and talks he'd been getting from Abby and Sam. "We used to do a lot of working out together, part of the physical fitness component for Starfleet."

Abby raised her eyebrows. "Of course," she said, tucking that away to tease Len about it, later. "All the Starfleet training's paid off, between first contact and running Hannah's energy out."

Leonard managed to hide his wince at the accidental innuendo. "It'd better be good for something ," he said.

Sam looked between Leonard and Jim, then glanced at Abby. "We should probably let you go," he suggested. "Since you've got that flight in the morning."

"And you both should get some rest tonight," Abby agreed ruefully, and stood.

Jim couldn't quite look at Bones as he stood. "Thank you both for inviting me along. It's been really fun."

Leonard stood up as well, looking at Abby. "One last hug for the road?" he asked.

Abby pulled him into one, rubbing a hand up his neck and into his hair. "I'm so glad you came," she said softly, holding him snugly against her.

Leonard squeezed his eyes shut, hugging her tight. "Thank you, Abby," he said hoarsely. "I love you. You, the kids...that's never gonna change."

"We love you, too," Abby replied, still brushing through his hair, having gone from leaving her scent to reassuring him. "I never stopped caring about you. That won't change, either."

Leonard let out a shuddery breath, pressing his face into her neck. "Y'all ever need me, for anything , you call, okay?"

"Only if you call me when you need something. Sam and I would work something out with the kids if you needed me there," Abby said firmly while gently squeezing his neck.

It was a very 'pack alpha' gesture, and normally Leonard wouldn't be interested in that sort of reassurance from his younger sister, but right now... "I'll call," he promised, relaxing into her hold. "I'm not gonna disappear on you."

"Thank you." Abby took a deep breath and reluctantly let go of him. "Let me know when you're back safe in San Francisco?"

Leonard stepped back, trying to regain his equilibrium. "Yeah," he promised. "I'll let you know."

Jim got his own hugs goodbye, then joined Leonard for the walk to the transport. "You'll see them again in a couple months," he promised. "We'll make it work, whenever they can visit."

"I know," Leonard said quietly, looking back over his shoulder. And how incredible was it, that he really did know that, after so long of distance and uncertainty? “I know.”

Chapter Text

The new place was...fine. It had carpet all through the living room, so they'd have to be careful about spilling food, but it had a proper kitchen setup with a good-sized oven. It was close to campus, even if that meant they'd be hearing traffic noise whenever they had the windows open. There wasn't a bath, but the shower was bigger than the one in Leonard's dorm had been. And there was more space in the living room for them to cram in a table and a couch. There was even a communal laundry room on the same floor. Really, Leonard had nothing to complain about.

"Jim!" he snapped, rapping on Jim's bedroom door. "Did you take my spare sheets?"

"Why would I take your spare sheets?" Jim called back from his desk, then got up to open the door. "Did you leave them in the laundry room?"

Leonard scowled. "You've been sleeping in there all week, maybe you decided to change your sheets," he retorted. " I don't know, I just know I can't find my sheets, and no, they aren't in the laundry room."

Jim raised his eyebrows in an unimpressed look. "I thought I saw them in the linen closet. You looked there?" he asked. He was pretty sure he hadn't accidentally used Bones' sheets—especially since one of his two spare pillowcases was very intentionally on Jim's pillow at the moment, and he'd slept a lot better last night after taking it.

"Of course I looked there!" Leonard replied, but stalked away to double-check. He knew he was being a bit unreasonable, but he'd been sleeping badly all week.

Jim followed, wanting to prove his point. "Even if I had taken them, why's it such a big deal?" he asked, shouldering past him to get into the linen closet to look. It was possible he'd put the sheets back on the wrong shelf after swiping a pillowcase. "They're just sheets."

"The dryers in the laundry room are broken," Leonard informed him. "And I've already put mine in the wash."

Jim crouched to the bottom shelf and shifted some towels around as he tried to look. "You could always sleep on the couch if you can't find them," he pointed out, "or take the sheets to a laundromat."

On the couch. Jim thought he should sleep on the couch. "Right," Leonard said tightly.

Jim found the sheets, buried behind the towels he'd put away earlier, and stood, holding them out. He made a face as the scent of Leonard's frustration hit him full force. "Here, I found your sheets. Now you can stop smelling so fucking upset."

"Right," Leonard said again, taking them and turning to leave. "I'll leave you alone, then."

Jim crossed his arms tightly, his face setting in a scowl. "So, what is it? Do you hate the apartment? Are you mad I had someone over a couple nights ago?"

"Why should I care about that?" Leonard retorted. "It's not like it makes a difference whether you've got someone here; I never see you anyway."

A muscle in Jim's jaw twitched. He wasn't an idiot; he knew what Bones was talking about. But he didn't want to talk about it, and fighting felt much more fulfilling right now. "Sorry my busy schedule annoys you. Should I drop out so I can be at your beck and call?"

The sarcasm bit deep, echoes of past fights ringing in Leonard's ears. "If you want to leave, then leave," he bit out. "There's no vows keeping you here."

Jim huffed, pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, and tried to calm down his very strong fight instinct. "I'm not leaving. I just want to sleep in my own bed. Okay?"

"Sure," Leonard said bitterly. Sheets in hand, he walked away, and shut his bedroom door behind him.

Jim groaned after Leonard left, and went to his own room where he promptly changed to head out for a run. He commed Bones to let him know, because he still didn't want him to worry, and when he came back he was sweaty and much less aimlessly frustrated at both Bones and himself.

Leonard was still in his room when Jim came back, but he'd obviously emerged at some point, because there was a pan of mini muffins cooling on the counter.

Jim didn't know how to feel when he saw them - annoyed and guilty and sad and hungry were all contenders - though he did make a beeline for them to start prying one out of the pan. "You don't have to bribe me to stay with muffins," he called out, before popping one in his mouth.

"Who says I'm bribing you?" Leonard called back, emerging from his room. "Maybe I just wanted muffins." He had eaten one when they came out of the oven.

Jim shrugged and started winkling out a couple more. "Because you made the chocolate ones you think are too sweet," he replied. "They're really good. Thanks."

"I shouldn't've accused you about the sheets," Leonard muttered, getting himself a glass of water so he didn't have to look Jim in the face.

Jim frowned down at the muffins. "...I borrowed one of your pillowcases from the spare set. I might've put the sheets back in the wrong place."

Leonard glanced at him in surprise, then looked away again. "Still," he said, "I could've been politer about it."

Jim snorted. "You were a dick," he agreed, and leaned back against the still slightly warm oven. "The whole point of moving here was to have our own spaces within a shared space. I didn't think it'd bother you, me sleeping in my own room a few times," he said, which was only a partial lie. He thought it might bother Bones, and he knew it'd bother himself, but that wasn't as big of a problem.

" I thought the point of moving here was to have more room," Leonard replied, crossing his arms. How long had he been misunderstanding what Jim wanted? "If I'd known you were planning to sleep separately most of the time, I wouldn't've bothered getting a bigger bed."

"I thought that was just for you," Jim said, which was another lie. He started picking apart one of the mini muffins, and popped a small piece in his mouth. "It's better that we don't spend every night together."

"...better?" Leonard asked. It was a weird choice of word - not 'nicer', not 'more comfortable'... 'Better'.

"Logistically," Jim explained, and popped the rest of it into his mouth to give himself a second. "There's no way to know we'll get an assignment together. You might get offered a position at SFM and decide to stay planetside."

Leomard reared back in surprise. "What in hell has that got to do with it?" he demanded.

"What do you mean, what does that have to do with it? It's gonna suck if in a year or two we have to... suddenly stop sharing a bed. And this way, if you decide you want to stay on Earth, it's not going to be as hard," Jim said, raising his voice a little in frustration.

Leonard stared at him incredulously. "Seriously?" 

" Yes , seriously. And you should seriously consider a planetside posting. I know you'll get a few offers," Jim said firmly, despite his throat feeling tight.

"Where on earth is this coming from?" Leonard asked, bewildered. 

Jim crossed his arms. "You should be around your family. It'll be easier for them to visit if you're stationary." Bones would've come to that conclusion on his own, sooner or later.

" That's what this is about?" Leonard shook his head, the last week suddenly rearranging itself into a new meaning. "I thought you'd—" 

"I'm right," Jim interrupted. "Don't try and act like it's some stupid reasoning I had."

"You could've at least told me why ," Leonard blurted out, "instead of disappearing on me like you'd got sick of me all of a sudden and couldn't be bothered saying so to my face."

Jim winced, but stood his ground. "You would have argued with me," he pointed out.

"Oh, I'm still gonna argue with you," Leonard said quickly, pushing himself off the counter. "Christ, kid, were you just not gonna say anything? Ever? You knew I'd notice."

Jim grimaced. "I thought you'd get used to it," he admitted. "Or would like the time alone and not question it."

Leonard stared at him. "...Jim," he said eventually. "You're an idiot."

"I'm not an— You said it yourself that visiting your sister would be hard once you were posted to a starship," Jim argued, doubling down. "Hannah and Eli won't be able to visit you on a ship."

"I don't give a damn about my posting ," Leonard insisted, coming closer. "You're an idiot to think it wouldn't bother me that you suddenly disappeared!"

Bones' scent, which had been progressively getting more sour over the last week, had shifted back to normal so dramatically in the last few minutes that Jim was tempted to step forward into his arms and give up. He took a deep breath and looked away. " I care about your posting. You're already busier this summer because I signed you up for Flight. I don't want to be the reason you never see them."

"Jim." Leonard reached out, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You're half the reason I saw them at all."

That had Jim frowning. "You know that doesn't mean you owe me, right?" he checked.

"What it means," Leonard said quietly, "is that I'm okay because of you . Because you've been here, caring about me, for me to care about. And if you left, all of a sudden? Just drifted away, no explanation, even if you did it for me? I wouldn't be okay."

Jim allowed himself to lean into Bones' chest. "...I see your point. But you should still consider a ground posting," he said, as seriously as he could while muffled into Bones' shoulder.

"I'm not planning out postings yet," Leonard informed him, hugging him close. "When I do, I'll think about it."

Jim breathed him in, and tilted his head for Bones. "I'm sorry I upset you," he said softly. "I should've realized you'd feel rejected."

"I don't mind you spending the odd night with a hookup," Leonard said quietly, finally relaxing now he had Jim in his arms again. "Hell, I don't mind you wanting space, either. But tell me why , alright?"

"Alright," Jim mumbled, and slid a hand up his back, holding him close. "...Did you really get that new bed for me?"

Leonard rolled his eyes. "What, you think I'm gonna fill it up by myself?" he said, but his voice was warm.

"You and all those people you have over," Jim joked, clinging for another moment before letting him go.

"I got the bed so there'd be room for the two of us," Leonard confirmed, stepping back. "So use it now and then, would you?"

Jim grabbed one more muffin for himself, feeling more relaxed than he had all week. "I'll stay there tonight, once I shower. Make sure it's comfortable."

"Good," Leonard said, watching him fondly. "And Jim? I promise I'll seriously consider a ground posting. But I'd miss you just as much as I'd miss them."

"So long as you consider it," Jim said softly. He rubbed his cheek against Bones' shoulder before he let himself think too much about it, then headed to the bathroom to clean up from the run.

Jim made good on his promise, and came into Bones' room that night. "You going to sleep soon?" he asked, setting his comm on the nightstand and sitting on the side of the bed.

Leonard had been reading, not wanting to assume Jim would join him, but hoping for it anyway. "Just about," he said, watching Jim with a soft smile. "I'm happy to turn the lights off when you are."

"Whenever," Jim said comfortably, lying down and shifting around a bit. "Okay, I really like the bed," he admitted.

Leonard shifted closer, rolling on his side and putting his arm over Jim's waist. "Glad you're comfortable," he said smugly.

Jim scooted closer. "Just because it's a bigger bed doesn't mean I'm gonna stay on the other side all night," he warned him with a small grin.

"Wasn't expecting you to," Leonard said comfortably. "You've always been a limpet."

"Mm. Always thought it was an omega thing. Must just be a me thing," Jim agreed, and tangled their legs together as he leaned into him more. "I know you're gonna say it's a beta thing because I'm a beta, but you know what I mean."

"No, I know," Leonard reassured him. "You mean it hasn't changed when the hormones have, right?"

"Yeah, exactly," Jim said, and wrapped an arm around Bones. He was already relieved at the thought of how much more they'd smell like each other tomorrow, but still rubbed his head and hand against the parts of Bones he could reach; he hadn't complained yet about being scented, so Jim was going to take advantage of the opportunity. 

Leonard carded his hand through Jim's hair, scent marking him in return. "Nothing wrong with being cuddly," he murmured. "It's sweet."

"If you didn't think so, we probably wouldn't be..." Jim trailed off, not sure what they were, since cuddling wasn't exactly a 'friend' thing. "...here in bed together."

Leonard snorted. "Probably not, no," he agreed.

Jim ducked his head, not wanting to look at him for the moment. "...I should've thought about how taking a step back would make you feel," he said softly. "Sorry."

"You're not the only one getting something out of this," Leonard replied, stroking his hair. "I'm not that selfless."

"I know that," Jim said, his voice taking on a slight stubborn tone, "but you're gonna lose more if you follow me into the black."

Leonard sighed. "It's really bothering you, huh?" he said tiredly.

Jim sighed, too. "You just got them back, Bones."

"Back enough to visit Abby for a week at a time," Leonard pointed out, his scent souring. "Not enough to spend half an hour with Lilah, or to visit her kids, or to speak to my mother, or even see Jo. You call that getting them back?"

Jim pulled back to look at him. "You're making progress," he pointed out. "That's not nothing. A year ago you wouldn't have thought you'd get here."

"Sure," Leonard said bitterly. "And maybe in a few years, I can go to the family Christmas without needing a peace treaty first."

"You're going to keep making progress," Jim said, propping up his head. "Abby will keep vouching for you. And she already invited you to Christmas."

"It won't be the main Christmas," Leonard explained. Probably, Abby and Sam would host an extra gathering he could go to with the people who tolerated him. 

"Lilah might be there though," Jim pressed. "You should still go."

"Of course I'm going ," Leonard said immediately. "Geez, kid, did you think I wouldn't?"

"No, but my point is that you should go every year ," Jim said, rolling his eyes. "Even if it's not the main Christmas."

Leonard sighed. "Jim," he said quietly, "me and my family need some space from each other. I miss them like hell, and it's still true. When I get to see them, I'll treasure it, but..."

Jim was about to argue that Bones didn't need space from Jo, but he didn't want to twist the knife. He flopped onto his back, guilty and relieved, which only made him feel even more guilty. "...I guess a two or three year posting might not be a bad option for you."

Leonard rolled onto his back as well, staring at the ceiling as he tried to put his feelings into words. "...Starfleet values me," he said eventually. "They want me here. They think I can make a difference here."

"You know I think that, too," Jim said softly, wanting to reach for his hand but hesitating, not sure why. "I think you're gonna be one of the best doctors in Starfleet. You're gonna do a lot of good, save a lot of lives."

Leonard turned his head to look at him. "They've had us thinking about specialisations lately," he admitted. "Epidemiology, vaccine development, population health. Refugee health and disaster management. Xenomicrobiology. Health translation. Hospital ships. Mission support."

Jim didn’t actually hold his breath, but it sure felt like it. "You're considering one of those?" he asked carefully.

"I want to help patients," Leonard said quietly. "And much as I hate space travel, the patients aren't here on Earth."

"There are a lot of people in the galaxy who could benefit from our medical technology." Jim reached for his hand finally, lacing their fingers together. "I bet you'd run a tight medbay."

Leonard squeezed his hand in return. "They're not gonna make me CMO right out of the gate, any more than you're gonna start out as captain," he pointed out.

"Well, no," Jim agreed, but grinned. "You'll get a higher starting position than me, you know, with your medical background. If I can get in a week or two on a ship this year, I might be able to make Lieutenant Junior Grade rather than ensign, but there's no guarantee."

"How're you gonna cope with having three layers of managers?" Leonard asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm really good at following orders, when it suits me," Jim teased, and then shrugged. "I think I'll like it better on a ship with real stakes. It's different than having to salute an admiral on the way to class."

Leonard snorted. " Sure you are," he drawled. "You are the most independent-minded, stubborn son-of-a-bitch I've ever met."

Jim laughed. "I hope you know I take that as a compliment," he told him, letting go of his hand to roll on his side and face him again with a grin. "Seriously, I've had a lot of fun following orders. Never from three people at once, but a guy can dream."

Leonard groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "For fuck's sake, Jim," he muttered. "Really?"

Laughing again, Jim scooted closer. "I'm sorry for talking about my sex life," he said as if by rote, and patted Bones' chest lightly. "I am serious about following orders on a ship, though. I think I could manage it. In a life or death situation, it's not like I'd have the time to question it even if I wanted to."

"And what about the rest of the time?" Leonard replied, shaking his head. "You've gotta take orders on procedure, too."

Jim made a face. "Most procedures make sense to me. And I'll have to suck it up on the things that don't so I can do things differently when I'm in charge."

"Good," Leonard said firmly. "You're not gonna get anywhere by arguing with people all the time."

"It'd be fun if I could," Jim said with a sigh, and settled on his stomach, half laying on top of Bones. "It'll suck if we're not on the same ship."

"It will," Leonard murmured, stroking Jim's hair. "Not something we can really control, though."

Jim hummed, Leonard's heartbeat steady under him. "Pike might try to pull me for the Enterprise, but I might like to be on a smaller ship first. More chances to make a name for myself there, you know? But if he does, I could ask him to assign you there, too."

"I probably won't be on a small ship to start, Enterprise or not," Leonard admitted. "Small ships don't have a space for junior doctors."

"...We could get married," Jim offered, half joking. "They're more likely to honor a request to be placed together if we did."

Leonard stared at him incredulously. "That is the weirdest reason for a proposal I've ever heard."

Jim shrugged again. "I'm sure there are two people out there who've gotten engaged for a weirder reason. But it's not like it's urgent. No one's going to start seriously considering us for places for another year or so."

"Well, you think about it for a year or so and get back to me," Leonard said dryly.

Jim lifted his head to look at him. "How about you think about it for a year or so and get back to me ? I'm the one that proposed here," he pointed out, voice light and teasing tone.

Leonard snorted. "Maybe I will," he joked in return.

Jim pushed up, grabbed his comm, and started typing into his calendar. " One year from now ," he read aloud as he typed, " get Bones' answer. There." He put it back down on the side table, and settled back on top of Bones with a satisfied smile. 

"You are ridiculous," Leonard said fondly. "Just, a ridiculous human being."

"Uh huh," Jim said easily, closing his eyes. He took Bones' hand and moved it to the back of his neck in a silent and obvious request for him to rest it there, or squeeze, or both. He wasn't feeling picky.

Leonard settled his hand there, gentle and heavy. He didn't squeeze down, but he did stroke Jim's neck with his thumb. "Tired, darlin'?"

"A little. Didn't sleep great this week," Jim admitted, already melting at the comfort. "You too?" he guessed, considering how cranky Bones had been all week.

Leonard hummed. "Waiting for the other shoe to drop," he admitted.

Jim yawned, wrapped an arm loosely around him. "You mean this week? Or right now?"

"This week," Leonard clarified, nuzzling against Jim's hair. He wasn't a fan of someone being silently mad at him.

Jim let out a soft sigh. "I'll talk to you first next time," he promised, voice quiet. "I should've earlier."

"...Figured I'd pissed you off somehow," Leonard admitted quietly.

"If you pissed me off, I'd tell you," Jim said simply, rubbing a hand along his side soothingly. "Didn't you just say I'm stubborn and don't listen to anyone? Don't know why you think I'd take shit from you if that's true."

Leonard hummed a vague negative, settling closer. "You're different when you care about someone's opinion," he murmured.

"Who says I care about your opinion?" Jim joked through another yawn, and rubbed his cheek against Bones' chest. "I'll tell you if I'm mad at you, okay? I won't make you guess."

"...Thanks," Leonard said quietly. "It helps."

Jim sleepily lifted his head to look at him. "You tell me too. I want to know."

Leonard smiled, stroking his hair. "I'll tell you," he promised. "It's alright, darlin'."

Jim replied with a soft smile of his own, and set his head down again. "Good."

Chapter Text

About halfway through the summer break, Leonard came home from his shift at the clinic looking worried. "Jim, are you around?" he called out as he let himself in.

"In my room," Jim called back. He’d been working at his desk on a paper for one of his summer classes, but Bones' tone made him frown, so he glanced toward his open door. "What's up?"

Leonard came to the door and paused there. "I need to talk to you about something," he said seriously. "Should I come in, or are you gonna come out?"

Jim's frown deepened, his brows pulling together. "We can go to the couch. Everything okay?" he asked, getting up from the desk and coming over.

"...Yes and no," Leonard said carefully, stepping back to give Jim room. "No crisis, but...something that could be an issue."

Jim’s stomach flipped. "Okay," he said slowly, walking over to the couch and taking a seat in one of the corners. "Why don't you start with what happened?"

Leonard sat down opposite him and took a breath. "Well," he said, "you know that as a medical cadet, I've got a clinical supervisor, to make sure I'm not fucking up."

"Right," Jim replied, watching Leonard carefully. "Boyce. And he reached out to you about fucking something up?" he guessed.

"Not exactly." Leonard took another careful breath. "He reached out to me because someone pointed out I'd had a conflict of interest issue, and I haven't spoken to him about it."

Jim tensed, crossed his arms. "Do you know who reported you?" he asked stiffly, already knowing where this was going.

Leonard shook his head. "It doesn't matter," he said. "It's not...this is all informal, so far." 

It felt like it mattered, but Jim bit his tongue instead of pressing more about it. "So what'd Boyce say? What'd you say about me?" he asked instead.

"Very little," Leonard admitted. Which hadn't helped. "Or, I told him about our friendship and how it's changed, and that for a while you weren't comfortable seeing someone else, but none of the rest of it. Not Tarsus, not the trans stuff, not even that you see a psych."

"Okay," Jim started. He watched Bones warily for a moment, evaluating. "...Was that enough to get him off your back, or is this you asking me for permission to tell him all that?"

Leonard really didn't want to ask this of him, but... "In the absence of that context, my decisions don't make sense," he said. "I kept treating you because I believed it was me or nothing. I didn't talk to Boyce about it because I knew it would break your trust for me to consult, even fairly vaguely. I didn't push the issue because, once you had a psych, I knew someone else was keeping an eye on you."

"...right," Jim said after a minute, voice stiff. "And you telling him… That'd be… I mean, he wouldn't be able to unseal those records permanently, or tell anyone else without violating confidentiality laws?" Whether or not he was going to get kicked out of the Academy for lying on his enlistment forms or being deemed incapable of command was another thing, but he couldn't be the reason Bones lost his medical license. 

"It'd be just like when you started seeing Dobrin and she got access," Leonard reassured him quickly. "Jim, this isn't urgent, okay? You've got time to think about it, talk to your psych, even talk to Boyce if you want. Okay?"

"It's fine," Jim said, shaking his head a little. He sure as hell didn't want to be the one to talk to Boyce, and it wasn't like his therapist was going to say anything useful about it, since it was pretty clearly his ass on the line or Bones'. He tried to make his voice sound more sure than he felt. "You should talk to him."

Leonard searched his face, wishing he could get more out of him than this, but knowing Jim's tolerance for the conversation was running out. "I'll share as little as possible," he promised, "and I'll tell you what I said, okay?"

Jim nodded. "Sure, yeah. That works," he said, expressionless. "Tell me what he says."

"I will," Leonard promised. He wanted to reach out, to offer comfort, but he was pretty sure Jim wouldn't want it. "I'm-- I'll do it tomorrow. Get it over with."

Jim nodded again, hating that however neutral he kept his face, his scent was probably giving him away. He rubbed a hand up through his hair. "I should go finish my essay," he said, and stood up in an obvious escape attempt.

"Okay," Leonard said quietly. "I'll... I'll make dinner."

"Thanks," Jim said robotically, and started to head toward his room before stopping. "I'm not upset with you," he told him, looking back. "So if I'm... distant, that's not— it's not you."

Leonard nodded, a lump in his throat. "Thanks," he said quietly. "Take your time."

Jim offered a tight lipped almost-smile and headed into his room, where he decided to put off writing the essay since he might be kicked out tomorrow, anyway. He climbed into bed after changing into a shirt of Leonard's that had made its way into his drawer, and played a couple games, trying to let himself zone out.

Leonard managed to catch Boyce the next morning, and as soon as he left the meeting, he got out his comm to reassure Jim.

Spoke to Boyce. Neither of us are in trouble. - LM

Jim had to take a moment to let the relief wash over him, even though there was a part of him that still wasn't sure he was safe from some kind of disciplinary treatment at the least.

That's good news. How'd he react? You told him all of it? JK

Leonard had done his best to protect Jim's privacy however he could. When he could, he'd been vague, and Boyce had clearly been letting him do it.

He knows details on our relationship stuff, how that's changed over time. He knows you're trans, he knows I helped you work out you were trans. He knows you have some kind of medical trauma that made you reluctant to switch doctors. He knows you've been seeing a psych, who helped you get ready to actually switch doctors. - LM

Huh. That was... not too bad. At least Bones hadn't had to talk about Tarsus. And it did sound better to say he didn't know he was trans rather than that he'd lied on his enlistment forms—which was true, but didn't change how it felt at the time. After another minute of staring off into space, he replied.

What'd he say about it all? JK

Boyce had sat patiently while Leonard explained his reasoning, explained why he'd kept seeing Jim, even as their relationship grew closer and closer. But really, it all came down to one thing:

"I just didn’t think..." Leonard had said eventually, "I thought if it wasn't me, he wouldn’t see anyone. Everything he'd told me, if I turned him away, he'd’ve gotten his hormones from a back-alley dispenser rather than talking to a doctor at all."

Boyce had looked at him, smiling ruefully. "You know," he said, "if you end up on a ship, that's small community medicine. Plenty of doctors in Starfleet need to treat people they're close to. But part of my job is teaching you how to do that." He shook his head. "I'm here to give you advice, Len. You've gotta ask me about these things."

He said I didn't exactly fuck up, but I should've talked to him sooner so I could get a second opinion on the ethics. - LM

But you're definitely not in trouble? - JK

He sat up a bit more, currently camped out in Bones' bed while doing some of his course reading. He still felt like bad news was coming, and he did think Bones was too trusting of authority sometimes. 

He's not reporting me? - he added, in another message, because he was selfishly still worried about that.

Leonard had made sure to ask, because he knew how stressed Jim was about it, and he replied immediately.

He's not reporting either of us. He said the sealed section was a good solution. - LM

Jim half wanted to ask if he got that in writing, though that would've defeated the purpose of all this being secret .

Alright. Thanks. - JK
You doing okay? - JK

The funny thing was, once Leonard had actually told Boyce everything, it had been a good conversation. Helpful. He liked Boyce, and he hadn't realised how good it would be to get to talk this over with him. He'd missed that collegiality.

I'm okay - LM
Are YOU okay? - LM

Yeah - JK
I think so. - JK
I'm glad Tarsus didn't come up - JK

He figured it was fair to give Bones some more reassurance, so he added a picture of his PADD with his schoolwork on what was obviously Bones' bed. 

Leonard smiled a little, relieved Jim had felt comfortable to go somewhere that made him feel better. 

I wasn't gonna share that unless I absolutely had to. - LM

Thanks - JK

Jim scooted down so he was lying down a bit, still not sure how he was actually feeling about it all. Relieved, sure. Anxious, yeah. And unsettled in a way he couldn't figure out.

(...) I should probably call my therapist. JK

Leonard paused, proud in a way he knew he shouldn't put into words, but wishing he could say so anyway.

Sounds like a good idea to me - LM

Jim stared at his comm for another few minutes before sending his therapist a quick message, then flipping back to the conversation with Bones.

Are you heading back soon? - JK
Sounds like they're gonna call me in a few minutes. I could move to my room, though. - JK

If letting Jim use his room was all he could do to help, Leonard would do it gladly. 

You’re fine - LM
I'll go for a bit of a walk, do some baking when I get home. - LM

Jim bit his lip, his stomach flipping in a weird way while he waited for the comm to ring. 

Just let me know if you need something in here - JK

After he got off the call, Jim lingered in Bones’ room for a few minutes, then forced himself to head out to the kitchen. "...Are those peanut butter cookies?" he asked excitedly, instead of anything else he'd planned to say. "You haven't made those in ages."

Leonard looked up at him and smiled. "They sure are," he said warmly. "Wanna help me measure them out, get ‘em in the oven?"

" Yes ," Jim said, coming closer to scoop a bite of cookie dough for himself on a couple fingers. "How big do you make 'em?" he asked around the bite.

Leonard shook his head fondly. "Wash your hands after you lick 'em," he warned. "I'm rolling them about an inch and a half across before I flatten them. Main thing is consistent thickness, though."

"Yes, sir," Jim said, and finished getting the cookie dough from his fingers before washing, as instructed. "What can I do to help? Want me to get a pan ready?"

"Sure," Leonard agreed comfortably. "D'you wanna help roll? You can also just squash 'em if you don't feel like touching the dough."

"You can do that part," Jim decided, drying his hands and setting to get the parchment paper. "I doubt I can do them with a consistent thickness."

"It's really not that hard," Leonard reassured him, one eyebrow raised. "Worst that happens is some of the cookies are a bit overdone."

Jim hesitated, a flare of anxiety going through him. It hadn't even been a real therapy session, but apparently he was still getting the post-therapy mood. "I... yeah, I can do that," he decided, putting the prepared pan out for them. "Tell me if they're too big or too small."

"You got it," Leonard said fondly. "Seriously - Eli and Hannah already knew how to do these when I got divorced, you'll be fine."

Jim chuckled. "I'll get eaten alive if the next time I see them they find out I couldn't make cookies," he said. The last time he'd baked had been with Bones, and he'd survived that, too. It was dumb, and he told himself that as he grabbed a bit of dough and started rolling it in his hands.

Leonard laughed, taking his own chunk of dough and efficiently rolling it into a ball. "They'd just insist on teaching you," he said.

"And then Sam would get on my case for messing up the kitchen," Jim said with a small but warm smile. "There'd be cookie dough on the ceiling by the end of it."

Leonard's lips twitched, amused and glad to see Jim relaxing. "You think Hannah's gonna demonstrate their fastball with cookie dough?"

"I have a feeling they might," Jim said with a laugh, pressing the dough down onto the baking sheet. He leaned into Bones' side as he grabbed some more. "Is this a family recipe, or one of your own?"

"It's pretty generic," Leonard said fondly, pressing against him. "I don't think peanut butter, sugar, and an egg counts as a family recipe."

"Not now that you've given me the secret McCoy recipe," Jim teased, and put another cookie on the tray, falling silent for a moment. 

"...Can I ask you something?” he said eventually. “Unrelated to the cookies."

Leonard glanced at him, but kept working through the dough. He didn't think it was a coincidence Jim had brought this up when they didn't have to look at each other. "Go ahead," he said.

Jim hesitated, taking his time rolling a bit more dough before speaking again. "Did you ever doubt that I was actually transdynamic?"

Leonard pressed closer for a second. "Not since I saw you take your first dose of Alviamon," he said. "You were so... hopeful . I'd been pretty sure before then, but that cemented it."

"I don't know that I really started believing it til then," Jim said softly, thinking about how much better he'd felt since starting it, how much more like himself he'd felt. "We talked about that today. Why it still feels like I lied on my forms when I first signed up."

"You thought you were lying," Leonard replied quietly. "What you wrote was true, but you didn't know it was."

"Yeah," Jim said, and gently pressed a cookie down. "It felt like such a huge thing to lie about. But Dr. Alvarez pointed out it was also the first time I officially told anyone I was a beta. And I guess all the anxiety about the lie and potentially getting caught and kicked out is also about that. Or more about that."

Leonard hummed, watching their hands. "Gender is a self-declared category," he said slowly. "No certificates, no approvals needed, for any of it. Dynamic's not quite there yet."

"It could be, soon. There's more activism around it now. More people becoming more fluid in their dynamic." Jim tried not to sound too naively hopeful. "A lot of new folks have joined group lately."

"Yeah?" Leonard said warmly. "Good for them!"

Jim smiled. "It's nice getting to know more people in the community." He got another cookie down. "Think we could fit one more on the sheet?"

"One more," Leonard agreed, "Then we can get this in the oven while we finish the rest." He usually made smaller batches, but when a recipe had eggs in it, going smaller than one egg's worth was inconvenient as hell.

Jim got the last cookie rolled and pressed on the sheet. "It's all yours," he said, and grabbed another bit of dough to eat.

They were quiet for a bit, but it was a comfortable silence. "Boyce said a funny thing today, when we were done with the serious shit," Leonard commented eventually, glancing at Jim. "Said I should've warned him I was getting my relationship tips from Andorians. You got any idea what that's about?"

Jim let out a surprised laugh and leaned against the counter, picking at the cookie dough still. "How much did you tell him about our relationship?" he asked, humor in his voice.

"I told him more about our relationship than I did about your health," Leonard replied, turning to look at him. "How we've been sleeping together, but not sleeping together. That you're still hooking up with other people. You met my family, we moved in together. That's relevant somehow?"

It really did sound like what Jim thought Boyce was thinking of, hearing it all laid out like that. "Well, the fact that we're not having sex, specifically. You know how Andorians marry in groups of four?"

Leonard rolled his eyes. "I remember that much from high school intercultural classes," he said dryly.

"Just checking," Jim grinned, and got out another baking sheet while he talked. "Usually there are partners in the group who don’t actually together, so they call what they have a ‘cross marriage’. They're partners committed to each other, the other marital partners, and the families of their marital partners, they just don’t have a sexual relationship."

"...Huh." Leonard busied himself with the cookies for a minute while he thought that through. "We don't have other partners," he pointed out eventually.

"I am still hooking up with other people," Jim countered. "But it's not totally the same. I think he just means that we act, functionally, a lot like a cross marriage."

Leonard hummed, not exactly convinced. It seemed to him that the context of other partners - of being part of a larger family unit - would make a big difference.

Jim added a few cookies to the sheet. "Whatever he thinks is going on with us, I'm glad it went well with him. I know his opinion means a lot to you."

"It was good to talk to him," Leonard admitted. It had always been part of his training to talk over dilemmas with another doctor, and not being able to do that with Jim had been nagging at him. "Thank you for giving me permission to tell him about things."

"It's nothing," Jim said, not looking at him. "I don't want to be the reason you get in trouble." Or kicked out. Or have his license suspended.

Leonard frowned, pressing their shoulders together. "It's not nothing," he said quietly. "Maybe it was an easy choice for you, but I still appreciate it."

Jim shrugged, but leaned into him. "Did you figure out who reported you? Must've been someone you work with."

"It's not exactly as formal as reporting me," Leonard clarified. He suspected Jim's new doctor, to be honest, though he wasn't going to tell Jim that. "More like checking in to make sure he had an eye on the issue."

"Still, they should've guessed you had the situation under control," Jim said, annoyed on Bones' behalf even if, logically, he could understand why some oversight on this was good.

Leonard shook his head. "Darlin', I'm never gonna be mad at someone for wanting to make sure you're being treated well," he pointed out gently.

Jim felt his cheeks warm, and he focused on applying himself to the cookie dough rolling.

 "How long until the first batch of cookies are done?" he asked after a few seconds.

Leonard smiled a little as he glanced at the time. "Should be another five minutes or so," he said. "We'll get this batch in before we take 'em out."

Jim hummed and squashed another one on the baking sheet. "...Sorry I hijacked your room before. I was already there, and figured if I left before calling, I wouldn't actually do it."

"It's fine," Leonard reassured him. "If that's where you were comfortable, I'm glad you stayed there."

"I spend more time there than in my bed now," Jim said dismissively, like that was the reason why he liked being there so much. He even knew Leonard knew otherwise, but still couldn't get himself to say anything about it, and decided to change the subject. "Did you ever text Abby to decide when they should all visit?"

Leonard shook his head, scraping the last of the cookie dough out of the bowl. "Just that it was gonna be some time next month," he said. "We never worked out the rest."

Jim gave him a look. "Try and figure it out sooner rather than later. If you keep putting it off it won't happen, and it'll be nice to see them again."

"Are there any dates next month I shouldn't invite them?" Leonard checked, putting the last full-sized cookie on the tray and passing Jim a bit of leftover dough.

"I'm going to this get-together on the twenty-fourth," Jim said. "Some guy from group's throwing it. But other than that, I'm free."

Leonard paused to smile at him. "Sounds like fun," he said. "I'm glad the group's working out for you."

"It's been surprisingly fun." Jim popped a bit of the leftover cookie dough in his mouth. "Actually, a few of us were planning on going to one of the drag shows at that bar, and they said they wouldn't mind you coming along, if you'd like?"

"Yeah?" Leonard said, touched by the trust that implied. "You've been telling them about me, huh?"

"I haven't said too much, just that we're in an Andorian cross marriage," Jim teased. "These two aren't Starfleet, so I don't think they're too worried about being found out. And one of them's thinking about switching their care to you, so I think that's part of it."

Leonard raised his eyebrows. "Are you making me sound that good, or is their current doctor that bad?"

"Both?" Jim finished off the cookie dough and headed to the sink to clean the bowl. "She’s got an iffy relationship with her doctor. He gets her what she needs medication wise, and seems to know what he's talking about medically, but is pretty invalidating in other ways."

Leonard scowled, shaking his head. "Good for her for switching, then," he said firmly.

"She'll feel a lot better about switching if she can meet you first," Jim said, turning to look at him over his shoulder. "And it'd be fun to introduce you to some of my other friends."

"I'd like that," Leonard reassured him, putting the cookies in the oven (and checking on the others while he was at it).  

"Cool," Jim said easily. "You free this weekend? There's a show Saturday night we were thinking about."

"Sure," Leonard agreed. He glanced at Jim warily. "Am I gonna have to dress up?"

Jim laughed at his expression. "It's the same bar we went to," he said, and started drying the bowl. "Just wear the same outfit I picked for you last time, if you're worried."

Leonard snorted. "Are you going to dress up?" he asked curiously.

"Not in anything fancy. Maybe nice jeans and my leather jacket? I don't plan on... mingling as much as I did last time," Jim explained, and got the bowl put away. "I'll probably just hang out with you and the others for the night."

Leonard nodded as he tidied up the counter. "It's a social night, not for hook-ups."

Jim grabbed his comm, sending a message to the two friends they'd be going with. "Exactly. And we'll be watching the dynamic drag most of the night, anyway."

"I guess that's what we're doing on Sunday, then," Leonard agreed.

Chapter Text

Jim couldn’t help being a little nervous - as well as excited - when they made it to the bar on Sunday night. "Don't mention the doctor thing unless Raya brings it up," he warned Bones as they headed inside, and had to raise his voice over the sound of the crowd and the music—it was definitely busier, with the show tonight, than it had been the last time they were here. "I don't know if she wanted you to know she's considering switching to you just yet."

Leonard rolled his eyes, moving closer to Jim so he didn't have to shout. "I'm not an idiot," he said. "Besides, you don't talk about work shit on a social night out." He looked around, wondering where Jim's friends were and what they looked like - he had to admit he was curious.

“Just making sure," Jim said, and scanned the crowd. He waved an arm when he spotted his friends standing around a tall table and grabbed Leonard's hand so he didn't lose him. "Hey!" he greeted, submitting himself to their hugs. "This is Bones - or Leonard, whatever you want to call him. Bones, this is Andi and Raya," he said, gesturing as he introduced the two. Andi was dressed more androgynously of the two, their dark hair in braids hanging down one side of their head. Raya was shorter, her skin a few shades lighter than Andi's, wearing colorful makeup.  

Andi stuck their hand out. "Nice to meet you! What should we actually call you?" they asked, leaning close to be heard over the noise.

Leonard shook their hand with a rueful grin. "Len's fine," he said. "I'm guessing Jim's been calling me 'Bones' this whole time, though?"

"The whole time," Andi agreed with a grin, giving his hand a warm squeeze before dropping it. "Raya, come say hi to Len!"

"Hi, Len," Raya said. She held out her hand, too. "Jim's told us so much about you."

"Not that much," Jim said, rolling his eyes. "Bones, you want a drink?"

"Sure," Leonard said, smirking at him. "You go get me something, I'll be fine chatting to these lovely folks."

"You three play nice," Jim said sternly before slipping off into the crowd.

Raya laughed and took her spot back around the table to have a sip of her drink.

Andi grinned. "Jim's so sweet thinking that warning will make a difference," they said. "You and Jim come to this bar a lot? Seems like a nice place." 

Leonard took a seat, looking out over the crowd. "We've been a few times," he admitted. "Never when it was like this, though. I've gotta admit, I've got no idea what to expect tonight." He glanced at them, quirking a smile. "I don't suppose you know enough to drop me a hint or two?"

"There's an alpha drag king performing - he's the headliner," Raya said with a grin. "A few drag queens, too."

"I heard one of the drag queens does a beta, though I can't imagine how she performs being a beta," Andi mused,  "So I'm curious to see. I think Jim was, too, since he mentioned that part when he brought up the show to us."

Leonard nodded, eyebrows raised. "It'll be something to see," he agreed. "I dunno how much I could describe what beta presentation is , apart from not omega and not alpha."

"Right?" Andi agreed. They glanced at Raya, then back to Len. "So, you're a doctor, right? Do you treat a lot of patients like us?"

Raya rolled her eyes and busied herself with her drink.

"Not a lot," Leonard admitted, leaning one elbow on the table and half-turning to watch the rest of the bar as they talked. "It's not a specialty of mine, just something that's come up now and then."

"Jim's spoken highly of you," Andi said easily.

Raya hummed, deciding Andi was being unsubtle enough that she may as well bring it up. "Not a lot of us have had as much luck lately as he has. Do you only take patients involved in Starfleet, or do you do civilian primary care as well?"

Leonard raised an eyebrow. "Was that you asking for her or you?" he challenged Andi curiously. "To answer your question, Raya, I'm at the Academy clinics, and we do technically take civilians there, but there's some extra process about it."

Raya frowned slightly. "Sounds complicated," she said slowly. "And they're asking for me. My current one's... he's alright. I don't know if we'd get along in any other context, though."

"He's practically a dynamic essentialist," Andi argued, raising an eyebrow at Raya.

Before she could respond, Jim slipped back to the table, offering Bones his whiskey on the rocks. "Talking about me?" he joked.

Raya caught Len's eye across the table. "Maybe I'll get your comm details from Jim sometime to chat more about it?"

Leonard rolled his eyes at Jim, then turned back to Raya. "I'll look some things up for you," he promised. "Jim, stop being ridiculous."

"Bones, stop being a killjoy," Jim teased back, but nudged his foot against his under the table.

Raya gave Bones a grateful smile, then turned to ask Jim about his drink, and they swapped to taste each other's.

Andi leaned a little closer to Bones so they didn't have to raise their voice too much. "So you're a cadet, too?"

"Yep," Leonard agreed, shifting a little closer. "What, I don't look the part?"

Andi looked him over slowly. "You're not wearing enough red," they teased.

Leonard snorted. "We're not actually glued to the uniform," he informed them. "Thank god. Second - no, third-worst part of the academy."

Andi grinned. "What're the first and second worst parts?"

Leonard made a show of glancing slyly at Jim, just to see if he could make them laugh.

Andi did laugh, leaning with the sound until their shoulders brushed. "If he's that much of a nuisance to you, you might not be ready to handle all the big bad aliens out there," they joked. "I could never go past the edge of the Terran system. Too much incomprehensible shit out there."

"You're telling me," Leonard complained, shaking his head. "To actually answer, the worst part is piloting training. I actually hate flying, and space in general."

Andi raised their eyebrows. "You're shitting me. And you're going to live on a spaceship?"

"I know ," Leonard groaned. "Stupidest thing I ever did, god help me."

With another grin, Andi leaned closer, this time intentionally bumping their shoulders. "What's the second and third stupidest thing you ever did?"

Leonard snorted. "Now that I'm not telling you first time we meet," he said. "I've gotta keep some of the mystery intact."

"I hate mysteries," Andi said seriously. "My ex was a mystery, and he tried to kill me."

Jim glanced at them, and was about to interject, but Raya pulled him back into conversation again, a bit more tactful than he was about interrupting whatever was going on with them.

Leonard blinked for a second. "Sounds like a hell of a story," he said, not sure what else he could say.

Andi snorted. "I'm joking," they said and took a drink. "It's a lot more boring of a personality trait without some kind of backstory to it."

Leonard shook his head ruefully. "What sort of story do you tell when people ask follow up questions?"

"To tell you the truth, me not liking mysteries doesn't normally come up when I'm chatting someone up," Andi said with a smirk. "But the answer would depend on how much I liked the person I was chatting with."

"Fair enough," Leonard agreed, sitting back and taking a sip of his whiskey.

Jim took the chance of the lull in conversation to butt in. "I think the show's starting in about fifteen, so we might want to get refills before then."

Raya checked her watch. "I might run to the bathroom before it starts. Jim, come with?"

Jim shot her an ‘ I know what you're doing’ look, and started getting up. "We'll be right back."

Belatedly, Leonard realised what was going on. "Shit," he blurted out, "have you been flirting with me?"

"Clearly not well, if you're asking me that," Andi said with a laugh, not bothered by it, though it was a little awkward now that Raya and Jim had made it so obvious.

"I'm out of practice," Leonard admitted, running a hand through his hair as he thought over the last few minutes. "Not your fault."

"I might be, too," Andi said, and bumped their knees together. "The joke about my ex definitely didn't help my case."

Leonard laughed, pressing against them briefly. "No hard feelings?" he checked.

Andi laughed as well. "That depends on whether this is you letting me down easy, or inviting me to flirt more obviously," they joked.

"I, uh..." Leonard cleared his throat, a little stunned by the confirmation that Andi really was interested. "I don't mind flirting, but I don't know that it'll go anywhere?"

Andi smiled. "I'm perfectly alright with that," they said, and tipped their glass to knock gently into Leonard's. "It'll be good practice for us both."

"Plus, it'll confuse the hell outta Jim," Leonard added, amused. "He could do with some discombobulating, now and then."

"You mean if Raya ever lets him leave the bathroom?" Andi leaned into him again. "It'll be fun. Especially since he didn't tell me how cute you were."

Leonard snorted, knocking his knee against theirs. "Now you're just teasing," he said.

"I'm serious that I think you're cute, but I am joking about being that obvious. I've gotta leave a little mystery," Andi teased.

Raya and Jim emerged from the crowd again, and Jim couldn't help raising an eyebrow at how close Andi and Leonard were sitting. "Glad to see you two getting along," he said, sliding into his seat at the table.

Leonard raised his eyebrows right back. "Wasn't us getting along the goal?" he replied.

"I never said I was against it," Jim said, and held his hands up.

Raya beamed, glad to have been proven right. "You both have a good enough view?" she asked as the staff started setting up for the show. "Jim and I were just saying that we'd rather sit and watch from here than stand."

Jim hummed. "We had to come up with something to talk about in the bathroom," he agreed, and shot Leonard an amused look.

Leonard smirked back at him. "I'm good with staying here," he said. "What about you, Andi? You comfy?"

"I'm happy here," Andi agreed, grinning, though they kept and eye on Jim to make sure he didn't seem too upset.

Jim laughed and shook his head at them. "If you two are trying to get under my skin, it isn't working," he said, about eighty-five percent sure that wasn't a lie.

"Good to know," Leonard commented, turning to look over at the stage. "So, you two manage to get any more info on the show while you were in the bathroom?"

"Actually, we did," Raya said, leaning more into the middle of the table so they could all hear her as someone made an announcement. "It's gonna be five people total, the drag king's going last and is supposed to be doing some big surprise. And 'Bette Ahh' is the beta queen - she's going third."

"We actually bumped into the guy running the sound for it," Jim explained.

"Yeah?" Leonard said. "Fancy that." Even if he felt a little odd about Andi flirting and Raya deciding to play wing-woman, it was still sweet of her to have tried. "He say anything interesting?"

"It sounds like the surprise might be some kind of long standing tradition, so we might not get it," Jim said with a chuckle. He got up and downed the last of his drink. "I'm gonna get another round before it starts. You guys all want another?"

"I'll come with you to help you carry," Leonard decided, extricating himself. "We can get a pitcher of soda for the table."

"Smart thinking," Jim said as the others piped up with their drink requests. 

He led the way through the crowd to the bar and waited to get the busy bartender's attention. "Andi's fun, right?" he said to Bones, obviously looking for more details.

"They're alright," Leonard agreed, watching Jim's reactions closely. "Does it bother you, us flirting? Because I can stop."

Jim shrugged. "It surprised me. I don't think it bothers me," he said, leaning against the bar and glancing at him with a smile. "So long as you're having a good time, anyway."

Leonard smiled back, reaching out to ruffle Jim's hair. "I won't let your friends railroad me into something I don't want," he promised.

Jim leaned into him a bit more. "If you decide you do want to let my friend rail you, however, just lock your door first," he joked.

Leonard snorted, wrapping an arm around his waist. "I'll make a note," he promised.

Jim had been worried the alpha king at the end would put him on edge, correctly guessing that there'd be artificial pheromones thrown around, but it was diluted enough to not actually make him antsy while still getting the point across. The king took a bow, having lost his pants somewhere along the way to show off just what he was packing (large, glittery, colour-coordinated), which only made the audience cheer louder. 

"Showing off the packer at the end was a nice touch," Jim said through a grin as the noise died down.

Raya laughed. "His was my favorite," she admitted.

Andi had put their arm up on the back of Leonard's chair at some point, not around him and not leaving their scent—just resting in a vaguely flirtatious way. "What'd you think?" they asked, nudging Leonard with their knee.

Leonard smiled at them, his eyes crinkled up with humour. "Oh, you know, you gotta admire the subtlety of the performers," he joked. "They've obviously put a lotta thought into those little hints that someone might be a particular dynamic."

Andi grinned. "I didn't even catch what that last one was supposed to be," they joked, and lifted their glass to take a sip.

"You say that like I'm not gonna smell like alpha for a month," Jim complained.

"Hey, complaining about alpha scents is offensive," Raya teased, giving him a playful shove.

"I've gotta say," Leonard commented, "It was a real interesting take, seeing beta played up as cool and collected." Bette Ahh had been elegant, self-contained, understated (by the standards of drag queens) but nevertheless gorgeous.

"She was probably my favorite," Jim agreed, resting his chin on his hand and smiling at Bones across the table, then declared, "I'm allowing myself to be predictable today."

Andi laughed. "You're gonna make him think that's some affirmation we say at group," they teased.

Jim grinned. "It could be. It sounds very affirmation- y."

"Do you say a lot of affirmations?" Leonard asked curiously.

Raya snorted. "We don't say any. We mostly hang out, update each other on what's going on."

"Sometimes whichever therapist's leading the conversation part of it asks some deep question and we collectively groan, but that's the closest we get," Andi added. "It's a good time."

It did get more serious half the time, but Jim didn't want to either point that out and be a buzzkill, or remind them Bones had experience on the psych side of medicine and probably knew what group therapy was like. "I'll bring this affirmation up next time," Jim said lightly. "We could start a new trend."

"You gonna tell them all about the drag show?" Leonard suggested, only half serious. "Maybe someone'll find Hugo Nott affirming."

Jim nearly choked on the last sip of his drink as he laughed. "You say that, but I can think of at least two people who would ," he said.

"Hugo Nott was fun!" Raya argued, not actually bothered.

"She's one of them," Andi stage whispered to him, leaning closer to Leonard's ear to do so.

Leonard laughed. "It's fine, Raya, I get it," he reassured her. Hugo had swaggered all over the stage, hips first, but he'd also been warm and funny and charming, his presentation shouting 'alpha' without being threatening or aggressive. "It's always good to know what size package will still be met with enthusiasm."

"I was taking notes," Raya agreed, grinning. 

"Anyone for another?" Jim asked, setting down his empty glass. "I'm probably done, but I could fetch it."

Andi yawned just thinking about it. "I think I might fall asleep at the table if I have another drink," they admitted.

"Yeah, I'm done for the night," Leonard agreed, covering up a yawn of his own. "Are you two gonna be okay getting home?"

"We're not too far from each other—we can share a transport," Raya decided. Andi nodded easily, and they all gradually got up.

"This was fun," Jim said, pulling Andi into a hug first. "I'm glad you all got to meet."

"It was good to meet you both," Leonard agreed, nodding at Raya. "Jim's got my comm details, you go ahead and reach out when you want."

"Thanks, Len," Raya said, and held out her hand. "I'll probably have a lot of questions for you."

"Not a problem," he said, shaking her hand with a friendly smile. "Even if we don't get to an actual appointment, I'm happy to offer an informal second opinion on what sorta options you should be getting offered."

"I appreciate it," Raya said, and smiled as Jim pulled her into a hug too.  "Oh, wow, you do smell like alpha pheromones," she said with a little laugh.

Andi gave Leonard a warm smile and stepped closer. "I had a lot of fun with you tonight," they said. "Think I could give you a goodnight kiss on the cheek?"

"Can't see why I'd mind," Leonard drawled, grinning at them. "You go right ahead."

Andi grinned and leaned closer, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Do me a favor?" they murmured, right by his ear.

"Depends what it is," Leonard said, just as quiet.

" Please go home and fuck that boy," Andi said before pulling back with a pat to Leonard's shoulder.

Leonard sputtered, gaping wordlessly at them as they cheerfully waved goodbye and left.

Jim waved and leaned into Bones a bit more. "...You good?" he checked, watching his face curiously.

"You didn't hear that, did you?" Leonard checked quickly.

"Nope," Jim said, and raised an eyebrow. "Which is probably a good thing, considering the look on your face."

"They, uh," Leonard began, then thought better of telling Jim the rest. "We should go. It's late."

Jim chuckled. "You know it wouldn't bother me if you did more than flirt with them, right?" he asked. "After watching you two all night, I'm sure I’m fine with it—even if it was surprising at first."

Leonard cleared his throat. "That's…not what they suggested."

Jim glanced at him before he started walking toward another waiting transport, likely arranged by the bar to shepherd drunk folks home. He was thinking about the first time they'd gone home from this bar and he’d wound up spending the ride and half the night with his face in Leonard's neck. Doing that right now didn’t sound too bad. "You really don't have to tell me the details," he said, knowing Bones wasn't usually up for sharing that sort of thing, assuming it was some kind of sexy proposal for the two of them.

Leonard kept silent all the way to the transport, wrestling with himself, but he knew Jim had the wrong idea, and he just couldn't let that go. "Andi told me to have sex with you, Jim," he blurted out at last.

Jim had just sat down, and his head snapped up. "They— really ?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"Really," Leonard admitted, blushing at the memory of what exactly Andi had said. "We weren't flirting seriously - it was just for fun, we agreed that when Raya dragged you off to give us some alone time.'

Jim slumped back in the seat, grateful he’d already programmed their destination. "I could tell some of it was you two putting on a show, but toward the end of the night you seemed so comfortable," he said, since talking through the flirting thing was easier than addressing the other thing Andi had said.

"I don't know about them," Leonard said, watching him carefully, "but it just being for fun was part of what made it so comfortable."

Jim nodded, then started to frown. He looked over at Leonard, meeting his eye. "You know I didn't put them up to saying that, right? I know I've joked in the past, but..."

"If you'd put them up to it, you wouldn't've been surprised," Leonard pointed out dryly.

"Maybe I'm a good actor," Jim argued, but looked away again. "I just needed you to be clear on that."

"Jim," Leonard said quietly, reaching out to put a hand on Jim's arm. "I know. If you had something you wanted to say to me, you wouldn't use your friends to say it."

Jim put his hand over Leonard's. "Thanks," he murmured. "I know it bothers you when I... say stuff like that."

Leonard sighed. "A couple months ago, I was your only source of hormones," he pointed out. "Of course it bothered me, you flirting with me when that was hanging over our heads."

"I know. And even now that it's not, one day we're gonna be on the same ship, and you'll be my primary again," Jim said seriously, remembering Leonard saying that he wasn't interested in dicks he'd ever have to medically examine, or something like that.

"That's different,” Leonard said immediately. "So much has changed in the last year...who knows what things are gonna look like by the time we're serving together?" It was years away, most likely.

"So you're saying that if I started flirting with you even more and talking about how much I wanted to fuck you, that wouldn't make you uncomfortable?" Jim deadpanned, still not buying it.

Leonard snorted. "You wouldn't tease like that," he said confidently.

Jim watched him, his brows pulling together. "Right," he said slowly, feeling like they were having two entirely different conversations. "I wouldn't tease you about something I want that makes you uncomfortable. We've talked about this before."

Leonard frowned back at him. "I mean, not when you're not serious about it," he agreed carefully. Jim was interested in sex with a lot of people, but he could usually take it or leave it. Leonard didn't work that way.

"Wait," Jim said, twisting toward him, "hold on, do you think that I haven't been serious about it in the past?"

"You flirt all the time," Leonard pointed out, searching his face. Why was Jim making such a fuss about it? "Hell, it'd be easier to make a list of your friends you haven't flirted with than ones you have." 

"But I don't mean it with them," Jim said. Surely at some point he'd made it clear he wasn't joking around with Bones. He thought that'd been a given.

"I know that," Leonard reassured him. "You might take them up on it once or twice, if you could keep your pants mostly on, but I know you're not serious about any of them."

"Okay," Jim said, though he was still a little lost. "...You've said that you're not interested in dating, or hooking up, or anything else right now."

"Well, no." What he had with Jim was a little unusual, sure, but it was definitely enough that Leonard wasn't looking for more. "I'm not gonna leave, kid, you don't have to worry about that."

"I know," Jim said, and rubbed a hand over his face, feeling like he was on the verge of blushing. Or shouting. Or doing something stupid. "It's different with my other friends," he tried explaining again. The drinks weren’t helping him get his point across. "I don't... live with them. Or sleep with them each night."

Leonard snorted. "I think I'd've noticed if you did," he joked. "We'd need more groceries."

"...Yeah," Jim said, his stomach and scent doing something odd. "Yeah. Guess we're on the same page."

"You okay, darlin'?" Leonard said gently. "You know that if you're unhappy and there's something I can do, I want to know it, okay?"

"I'm not— Bones ," Jim groaned, twisting toward him again. "I want to fuck you. I thought you knew that and we were all in on how funny it was that you had no interest."

"What?" Leonard blurted out.

Jim threw his hands up in the air, emphasizing his point. "You were very clear about this! I flirted with you, you shut it down, that was that. I flirted with you again, and you said you would never fuck someone that was a current or future patient. So even now that you're not doing my hormones and there's no ethical shit in the way, you've made it very clear that that's not going to happen."

"But-- " Leonard said, stumbling over the words, "you-- you were just flirting casually , like you always do. You never-- It was just a passing thing! I said no, you moved on." Jim wasn't still interested. That wasn't possible.

"I was flirting ," Jim argued, raising his voice a little, "and then you said no , so I found someone else when I needed it, and then flirted with you. Again. And you'd shut it down each time. You even said it yourself— I'd flirt casually with a friend and then fuck them a few times. So what the hell did you think it meant when I kept flirting with you?"

Leonard's scent was thickening with distress now, the bewilderment plain on his face. "I thought-- You didn't mean it," he protested again. "You were just--" Just being friendly. Just trying to make him feel better, feel like someone might want him, someday. Just showing affection, the way it came easily to him. It hadn't been real.

"Bones," Jim said, taking a deep breath and sliding his hand through Bones' hair to try and help calm the both of them. And then he was pulling him in and leaning closer to kiss him.

Still half-paralysed by uncertainty, Leonard shifted at the last moment, Jim's lips brushing past his cheek, the gesture becoming something almost-familiar.

Jim opened his eyes, a pang of humiliation shooting through him. He let out a breath and let go of Leonard's hair. "Sorry," he said quickly, and pulled back. "I thought—" he swallowed. "Shit. Sorry. Are you okay?"

Leonard reached out, catching Jim's hand to keep him in reach. "I--" He swallowed hard, searching Jim's face. "Jim, I didn't know. I didn't." All he knew, right now, was that he didn't want Jim to move away.

Jim searched his face. "I really thought you did," he admitted, and put his other hand back in Leonard's hair, now just to stroke through it. Maybe it could ease some of his embarrassment, touching Leonard again. Leaving his scent. "Subtlety's really not my strong suit when it comes to thinking someone's hot."

Leonard tilted his head into Jim's hand, blinking back tears of relief that he hadn't fucked this up enough to lose that. "I didn't know," he said again, hoarsely. "I'm...nothing special. Guess I just... I figured it was cause you liked me. Not that you wanted me."

"You're not 'nothing special’," Jim said, frowning. The transport lurched to a stop, the interruption all the more sudden when they were both caught up in the moment, but he stayed where he was. "You're so fucking attractive. It's crazy to me you don't realize. You're fit, and funny, and you're so capable, and strong..." He trailed off, losing the thread for a moment. "I've thought about it before. A lot. More than I wanted to admit to myself because it's kinda pathetic."

Leonard unconsciously shook his head when Jim started praising him, tension gathering in his shoulders. "I'm... You're sweet," he said helplessly, feeling a flush high on his cheeks. "I'm really not, but..."

Jim tilted his head slightly in reaction to Bones' increasing tension, trying to look like he was backing off. "It's not just me who thinks so," he said, but didn't want to come on too strong by listing everyone and freak Bones out again.

Leonard shook his head again. "You don't have to try and convince me," he reassured Jim. "It's fine. I don't need to be...all those things. It's fine."

"I'm not trying to convince you," Jim said seriously. "Come on, scent me. You'd be able to tell if I was telling you a bunch of lies in a row, wouldn't you?"

"Deception doesn't have a smell," Leonard said bitterly. If only it did, maybe he would know when Jocelyn had started lying to him.

Jim rubbed a hand over his face. Maybe his deception wouldn't have a smell, but he'd sure carry some kind of guilty scent about all the lies like that. But clearly that argument wasn't going to work. "Let's go inside," he said. There was no point sitting in a transport outside their apartment for this when they could go in. "We can keep talking there."

Stepping out of the transport was, very literally, a breath of fresh air, and Leonard managed to relax a little as they made their way up to their apartment. Jim wasn't frustrated or angry with him, he reminded himself, and he hadn't left. The rest, they could deal with.

Jim took his shoes off when they got inside. He wanted to go to his bedroom and change into more comfortable pants, but was worried about letting this, whatever it was, sit between them for more than a minute. "You know nothing has to change, right?" he said eventually, draping his leather jacket over the back of the couch. "Now that you know, I mean. Whether or not you think I'm telling the truth about any of it."

Leonard watched him warily. "You're planning on just...sticking around?" he checked. An hour ago, he wouldn't have doubted that, but everything felt unsteady now.

"I've managed to stay friends with other people who haven't wanted to fuck me," Jim said, voice dry. He slid his hands in his back pockets. "I still want to be here, Bones."

"Even though I had no idea you meant it all this time?" Leonard checked, keeping his distance.

"That makes it slightly less embarrassing for me, actually," Jim joked as his cheeks went pink. Now he'd only been given a hard rejection once, rather than the soft rejections he'd assumed he was getting all along. …Actually, he wasn't sure that was better. "If you don't want me to share a bed with you now..." he started, and trailed off.

"Do you not want to share?" Leonard asked, searching his face. "I don't want you uncomfortable, or resenting me." He couldn’t bear it, if Jim started resenting him. 

"I want to," Jim said quickly, taking half a step forward. "So long as you're okay with knowing all that and still sharing."

Leonard swallowed, giving him a relieved half-smile. "I don't want to lose you just cause I'm a mess," he confessed. "I... You're real special to me, kid."

Jim warily moved closer, trying to go slow just in case Bones thought he was trying to kiss him again. "You're special to me too," he said, reaching out to put a hand on Bones’ arm, wanting to touch him even more but settling for this right now. "I don't want to lose you because I'm— because I want something you don't."

Leonard didn't know what he wanted. He hadn't wanted anyone in a long time. "You're not gonna lose me," he promised. "I'm here." That much he did know.

"So we're good?" Jim asked, swallowing back the wave of humiliation at even more confirmation that Bones just wasn't interested. Which he knew already, so it shouldn't matter.

"We're good," Leonard said quietly. "I... Should I give you some space, tonight?"

Jim slid his hand down Bones' arm to his hand, giving it a little squeeze. "Maybe," he said, feeling like he owed an apology for it. It'd be good for him to get over his embarrassment on his own. "But just tonight, okay? I don't want more space than that."

"Alright," Leonard said, squeezing his hand back and searching his face. "You want a hug before you go to bed?"

" Yes ," Jim said emphatically, but he waited to let Bones close the rest of the distance between them 

Leonard pulled Jim into a tight hug, burying his face in his neck and encouraging him to do the same.

Jim made a soft sound and pressed his face into Bones' neck, breathing him in and staying there for a long moment. "Sorry if I made things weird," he mumbled into his skin.

"It's not your fault," Leonard said quietly. " I'm the oblivious idiot here."

"Yeah, maybe," Jim said softly, and patted his back to let him know he wasn't upset about it. He took a reluctant step back. "I might go shower. Do you need the bathroom?"

Leonard managed to smile at him. "You go ahead," he said. "I can wait."

Jim's own smile faded as he turned to go to the bathroom, where he spent most of his time in the shower switching the water between hot and cold in the hopes it'd make him feel less like an idiot. When he slipped out after, he went straight to his room, only calling out a quick, "Good night!" once his door was halfway shut.

Leonard went to bed with his thoughts still churning in confusion, and it was a long time before he slept.

Chapter Text

The next morning, still bewildered, Leonard gave up and texted Abby.

Apparently Jim's been flirting with me this whole time - LM

I mean, I knew that, but he MEANT it - LM

I'm guessing 'no shit' is not the reply you're looking for, but he was all over you when y'all were here. -AM

How'd you figure it out? -AM

He said so to my face, pretty much - LM

I mean, there was stuff with his friend at a bar first - LM

That's gotta be pretty shocking to hear. -AM

Do you want to tell me about the bar and the friend, or would you rather leave that part out? -AM

It doesn't really matter. We were flirting for fun, and at the end of the night they told me to go home and fuck Jim - LM

(...) Jim sure has some direct friends. -AM

And how're you feeling about all of this? -AM

Confused - LM

And guilty - LM

He thought I knew, this whole time - LM

Oh boy. -AM

You have nothing to feel guilty about, you know. His feelings are his feelings, and his responsibility. They don't have to be your feelings, too. -AM

He's thought I was rejecting him, all this time - LM

He didn't seem to be too torn up about it, Len. You two looked real happy together. -AM

What if he's been hiding it and I didn't notice? - LM

That he's unhappy, I mean - LM

Jim's good at putting a good face on things - LM

Firstly, that'd be his fault for not telling you he was unhappy. -AM

Second of all, you're not married. You've got no obligation toward each other. Why would he stick around if he was so miserable? -AM

He just voluntarily signed a lease with you. -AM

He only just started seeing another doctor - LM

Right, I remember you mentioning that. Are you upset he switched to someone else? -AM

No - LM

It's a good thing - LM

It wasn't safe, me being so close and having no oversight - LM

He was dependent on me, before - LM

Oh, I see. You think he was keeping you close despite being miserable because he depended on you for medical care. -AM

He REALLY doesn't trust doctors, Abby - LM

I guess I don't know him well enough to speak to that. But you said he's good at putting a happy face on when he's unhappy, right? -AM

Has he done that with you a lot before? Pulled one over on you like that? -AM

He's mostly pretty honest with me, I think - LM

(...) I know you two aren't together in the same sense that Sam and I are, but when Sam's upset, or over stimulated, or feeling any strong emotion, I can typically tell from his scent. So maybe you should think about whether that's true for you and Jim, and if you've ever noticed him smelling upset with you after flirting with you. -AM

Have you talked to him yet today? -AM

Figured I should get my head on straight first - LM

I didn't really do a great job talking to him last night - LM

What happened after he told you? -AM

I didn't believe him at first - LM

[...] He tried to kiss me - LM

And you didn't want him to kiss you? -AM

I was just...frozen - LM

You haven't been with anyone since Jocelyn, have you? -AM

No - LM

Haven't even really WANTED anyone since Joce - LM

Did he say anything after? -AM

I'm sure Jim understands. No one would rush you into something, knowing how awful Jocelyn had been. -AM

I sort of...turned a bit. Dodged. - LM

He pulled away, apologised - LM

Sounds like he was polite, even though he misread the situation. -AM

He does know about Jocelyn, right? -AM

He knows I'm divorced, yeah - LM

And he knows how awful she was? -AM

I mean, given she drove me all the way to San Francisco and I haven't seen my kid in years, I think it's pretty obvious - LM

I'm just surprised HE tried to kiss YOU. I would've expected him to wait for you to do it. -AM

I'd think with a divorce that bad he'd know you wouldn't be ready right away. -AM

He pulled back right away - LM

I'm not saying he was doing anything wrong, just that it surprised me. He's seemed real careful with you in the past, from what you've told me. -AM

It's fine - LM

So how'd you two leave it last night? -AM

We agreed neither of us was going anywhere, even though I'd been an idiot - LM

Slept separate, but we hugged first - LM

If he's lasted this long, he must not care that you're an idiot. That would have driven him away a while ago. -AM

I'm glad he's not moving out. And you don't plan to end things between you either, right? -AM

No - LM

I don't want to ruin this - LM

I think that's smart. You've been good for each other. -AM

You know, just because Jocelyn had no interest in making it work with you doesn't mean that no one is ever going to want to be with you again. -AM

Not everything is about Jocelyn - LM

Are you that repulsed at the idea of kissing Jim? -AM

No - LM

(...) I think I'd like to kiss him - LM

So why did you freeze and pull away? That hesitation didn't have anything to do with your ex? -AM

He surprised me! - LM

I'd never thought about kissing him before! - LM

(...) Okay, fair enough. -AM

I just think it's possible that some things with Jocelyn could have possibly impacted you. But you know yourself best. -AM

And just because you'd like to, doesn't mean you have to. If he's not going anywhere, there's no reason to rush it. -AM

We'll see - LM

Sam and Jim

I heard about last night. Are you alright? - SM

(...) Hey Sam. I'm okay, thanks for checking in. JK

Did Bones text Abby? JK

Yep - SM

I wanted to make sure you had someone to talk to - SM

Thanks. JK

(...) I think I have a bruised ego more than anything else. But I should be able to survive it. JK

His reaction wasn't about you - SM

I was the one who tried to kiss him. JK

He mentioned that part to Abby, I hope JK

And who do you think the last person was who tried to kiss him? - SM

I don't know that him not being attracted to me is Jocelyn's fault. JK

Is that what he said? That he's not attracted to you? - SM

Or is that what you heard, because he froze? - SM

He said other things, later. Didn't correct me when I said something about things being one sided. JK

Len hasn't noticed he was attracted to someone in five years - SM

I don't know if that's because he hasn't been, or if he blocks it out - SM

I do know he touches you a LOT, and he looks at you like the sun shines out of your eyes - SM

(...) He hasn't had any interest in any kind of dating as far as I know. He's told me he's not ready for some of it, a few times. JK

That doesn't mean he wants more than what we already have. Which I'm really okay with, since we have a good thing. JK

It doesn't. If you thought it did, I wouldn't be telling you all this - SM

Should I give him space, then? Let him see how he feels when he finally is ready to date again? JK

If you mean 'back off', then no, don't do that - SM

He's this close to you because he wants to be - SM

I'm pretty sure he's been avoiding me this morning. JK

But he did say he's not going anywhere. JK

He's processing, probably - SM

Yeah, probably. JK

Maybe I could make myself available, hang out on the couch for when he feels like company. JK

It's up to you - SM

Take care of your own feelings too - SM

Thanks, Sam. JK

(...) I do feel kind of like an idiot. JK

Why? - SM

I don't know. All of it. JK

I'm probably being dramatic. JK

Not being obvious enough that he realized I was flirting with him for the last two years. Being turned down again. JK

You were pretty damn obvious, Jim - SM

That actually makes me feel a lot better since I wasn't even trying to flirt when I was in Georgia. I have no idea how he didn't catch it when I was. JK

Because Jocelyn hurt him. It's that simple - SM

I know that she did, and I know how awful it was. But I didn't realize that it was affecting him that much still. JK

That makes me sound even more like an idiot. I knew it affected him. I guess I just wasn't seeing all the ways it did. JK

DO you know how awful it was? - SM

I know she cheated and that she used what Bones did with his dad in the divorce and custody hearings, that she took advantage of how he was handling his grief to get Joanna. JK

That's how it ended - SM

They were together for years - SM

I knew they had Jo after getting married. JK

I think they might have divorced sooner, if not for Joanna - SM

(...) How long were they married for? I don't know if he ever gave me a number. JK

Five years or so, if I remember right - SM

Damn. Do you know how long she'd been cheating before he found out? JK

Not that it matters, but I am curious now. JK

No. But I know they were already having trouble before Jo was born - SM

(...) Does he seem okay, from what Abby can tell? JK

After last night? - SM

She's not worried about him any more than she generally is - SM

He probably didn't sleep at all. JK

Is she normally worried about this sort of thing? JK

Len's mostly pretty good at taking care of himself, but he's soft-hearted, so Abby frets - SM

It's just a sibling thing, they're all like that - SM

Yeah, they are. JK

I might try to check on him. JK

But thanks for reaching out. It meant a lot to hear from you. JK

It sounded like a rough night for you - SM

It was fun, earlier. We'd been out with some friends, so that part was nice. JK

I'll talk to you later? JK

Sure. Take care - SM

Jim gave himself a few more minutes of hiding before he went to the living room with his PADD and a paper book, determined to camp out there for as long as it took Bones to come out, only to find him already there. Tucked away in a corner with his PADD, but still in the shared space.

"Hey," he said, settling down on the couch, trying to hide how shocked he was to see Bones already. He started his PADD, pulled up a crossword puzzle so he could look busy.  "You sleep alright?"

Leonard had lain awake for a long time, going over his interactions with Jim, thinking about that aborted kiss, about Jim's hurt expression, trying to spot what he'd missed, trying to work out what he wanted. "Mm," he replied, his eyes flicking over Jim for signs of disappointment or frustration. "You?"

"Could've been better," Jim admitted, sure it was painfully obvious how hard he was trying to be casual. "But I got enough."

"Good," Leonard said carefully. He looked back at his PADD for a bit, then added, "Sorry I was so awkward yesterday."

Jim glanced over at him. "It's fine," he said earnestly. "You were surprised." Then added, "I've had people respond worse to me trying to kiss them."

"I froze up like you had a phaser to my head," Leonard muttered.

"It's fine," Jim said again, softer, tempted to move closer to him but not sure it would be welcome. "Seriously. No hard feelings."

Leonard swallowed, taking a careful breath. "I'm...sorry I can't give you a good answer," he admitted. "About all of this."

Jim twisted more towards where Bones sat. "You don't have to. I'm not expecting anything," he said seriously. "I like what we have, so if you're still fine with me having sex with other people, then I'm getting everything I need, okay?"

Leonard looked down, rubbing his thumb along the edge of the PADD. "It's okay with me," he said quietly. "It... You have a good time, and you come home to me. But...you'd tell me, if someone was more than a one-off?"

"To be clear, you want me to tell you if I sleep with someone more than once, or if I want them for more than sex?" Jim checked. He doubted the first would happen, and knew the second wouldn't, but still wanted to be sure.

"Either," Leonard admitted. "Do you mind?" He'd managed to miss Jim wanting him for so long; what else might he miss?"

"No, definitely not," Jim said quickly, and leaned back. "It's pretty rare I'm with someone more than once. I think I hooked up with someone from my xenochem class two times last semester? But that was because we had a group project and were doing our part together. We haven't chatted since the class ended."

Something in Leonard eased, and he offered Jim a small smile. "Good to know," he said. "Is there...anything you want to know from me ? Or things I should do different?"

Jim hesitated, thinking through how to phrase his answer. "Do you want me to stop flirting with you? Because I might make a joke every now and then, but I can make an effort to do that less."

Leonard ducked his head. "It's fine," he said. "I'm used to it now."

"You being used to it doesn't mean you're comfortable with it," Jim pointed out. "Or, I don't know, I talk about my sex life sometimes. I know that's not your favorite thing to hear, but I can stop."

"It's fine," Leonard repeated, looking up at him with a wry smile. "I'm glad you're comfortable with me. And I know...well, I guess you do mean something by it, but...it's not..."

Jim snorted. "It's not usually me coming onto you," he finished, feeling his cheeks warm. "Typically it's just because it's fun to make you pinch the bridge of your nose when you don't know how else to react."

"That," Leonard agreed gratefully. "It's just for fun."

"Right," Jim said, relaxing a little. And anything that he meant more to see how Bones reacted outside of teasing him, he would quit doing. "I know I was also kinda thrown by you flirting with Andi, but even before knowing it was just for fun, it didn't bother me. You don't have to not flirt with other people in front of me if you're having a good time."

Leonard smiled at him, pleased to see Jim looking comfortable again. "If it ever does, tell me, okay?" he said. "I'd rather know."

"So long as you'll tell me too. I know I wasn't exactly subtle with people the first time we went to the gay bar," Jim said with an apologetic smile.

"It was fun watching you," Leonard admitted, setting his PADD aside and leaning back. "You were having a good time."

A response Jim might've given a few days ago about ‘ watching him; came to mind, and he decided now wasn't the best time. "I was," he said instead, voice soft. "It felt...safer. Having you there."

Leonard's face softened. "Yeah?" he murmured. "Just knowing there was back-up, or something else?"

"Yeah. Back up, someone to keep an eye out for anyone who might recognize us that I wouldn't want recognizing us." Jim shrugged. "A lot of things, I guess."

Leonard smiled gently at him. "I had a good time that night," he admitted. "I liked seeing you happy."

"I had fun, too," Jim said, and tucked his legs under him. "Even if I spiraled a little after."

Leonard shook his head, his smile turning rueful. "I think everyone does that sometimes," he said. Feeling a little more confident, he got up and came over to perch on the arm of the couch opposite Jim. "I... You'd tell me if you were unhappy, right?"

"I'll tell you," Jim promised, voice soft. He scooted closer, not all the way to him, and held out his hand for him. "I'm very happy here with you."

Leonard caught his hand and squeezed it, momentarily lost for words.

Jim squeezed his hand and gave a gentle tug. "Can you get over here already?" 

Leonard huffed a laugh, and let Jim pull him over to sit close, leaning against him. "Sorry I'm oblivious," he said. "I probably looked like a stunned mullet when you told me."

"You looked kinda terrified," Jim said quietly, sliding an arm around Bones. He relaxed even more with having him so close again, and turned to brush his cheek against Bones’ shoulder. "Thought I might've really freaked you out."

"Was I really that bad?" Leonard asked, automatically reaching up to stroke Jim's hair.

"Pretty bad," Jim said, closing his eyes. "Did I— I mean, you looked scared ," he added quietly.

Leonard huffed, shaking his head. "Overreacting," he muttered. "Sorry about that."

Jim rubbed at his side, scenting and reassuring at the same time. "You don't have to apologize. It didn't seem like you could help it."

"Still," Leonard muttered, half-shrugging awkwardly. "Joce always said I got weird when you startled me."

"I'll try not to startle you again," Jim said easily, rubbing against his shoulder again. "Next time I try to kiss you I'll warn you first," he teased, hoping that joking about it would make one or both of them feel less awkward about it.

"Thanks," Leonard murmured, relaxing into him. "Kisses are better when they aren't a surprise."

"Definitely," Jim agreed, not letting himself read into that, since it wasn't like they'd be kissing again anytime soon. Or at all.

"...Do you wanna sit on my lap with your face in my neck for a bit?" he offered after a moment. "Or the other way around. Thought it might make the both of us feel better."

Leonard smiled, scritching at Jim's scalp. "It'd better be you on me, I think."

Jim's smile warmed. "Thought so, but figured I'd give you the chance if you wanted it," he said as he started to shift onto his lap. He practically dropped his face in Bones' neck once he was settled, and tried to bare his for Bones, too. "This sounds dumb, but I missed you."

Leonard hummed, nuzzling briefly against Jim's neck. "I missed you too," he admitted. "I... It scared me, that I might've messed this up."

"Me too," Jim admitted, going boneless against him, "thinking that I messed it up."

"You were trying," Leonard murmured, rubbing his back. "You thought I'd been fine with you flirting the whole time."

Jim was quiet as he brought a hand up to Bones' hair. "I'm just glad we're on the same page now. And that we have some more rules going forward for what you want me to communicate with you about."

Leonard hummed, relaxing as he took in Jim's calm scent. "Am I telling you everything you need to know?" he checked. "I know I'm not always as open as I could be."

Jim took a breath as he thought, comfortable and warm and reluctant to say anything that might make Bones tense up. "Can you tell me when you want something?" he said quietly. "You can come up to me and scent me, or if I'm in my room with the door open, you can come in, you know? If you want to. If the scent of my bed doesn't bother you."

"Why would the scent of your bed bother me?" Leonard asked, frowning.

"If I've had people over," Jim explained, a little sheepish. "I can also be good about doing laundry, if that's something you want."

"Oh," Leonard replied, shaking his head ruefully. "I probably only want to be in your actual bed if you've changed the sheets, yeah. But you don't have to rush; there are other places we can cuddle."

"I know we have other places," Jim said, and twirled a bit of Bones' hair around his fingers absently. "I just mean... like, I come to your bed, because that's what we do, but I don't want you to feel like you can't come to me, too. Does that make sense?"

Leonard smiled softly,  tilting his head into Jim's touch. "I think so," he murmured. "You want me to be able to reach out too?" 

"Yes, exactly," Jim said, and smoothed through his hair again. "I want this to be good for both of us."

"Jim," Leonard said, leaning back a bit to look at Jim better. "This is good for me. You've got no idea."

Jim frowned. "I know," he said, but wasn't fully convinced. "I still feel like I get more out of this than you do."

"Hey," Leonard said. "Look at me for a second, darlin'?"

Jim looked at him, frowning. "I know what you're going to say."

"Oh?" Leonard raised an eyebrow. "What am I gonna say, then?"

Jim dropped his forehead to Bones' shoulder and huffed. "You're gonna say you get a lot out of this and then you're gonna squeeze my neck, or something."

"If you hadn't elbowed your way into my life," Leonard said quietly, "I'm pretty sure I'd still be a lonely, miserable drunk."

"You'd've straightened yourself out here," Jim said softly, bringing his hand to Leonard's neck to stroke up to his hair. 

"Maybe," Leonard allowed. "But probably only by burying myself in work. I wouldn't be healthy ."

Jim brushed his cheek against Bones', still not quite wanting to look at him. "So we both get something out of it," he said, not sure he entirely believed that Bones was getting the same amount that he was.

Leonard cupped the back of Jim's head, deliberately not putting a hand on his neck. "I love coming home to someone," he said quietly. "I love having someone to take care of. I love getting to cuddle up to someone at night. And I'm glad it's you."

Jim pressed his face into Bones' neck again, overwhelmed, and not sure how else to react. "...Glad it's you, too," he murmured.

Chapter Text

It ended up being late August, rather than July, when Abby and Sam brought the twins to San Francisco for the promised visit. Abby argued they could get themselves to their hotel just fine, but Leonard had insisted on being there to meet them at the shuttle port. It just seemed friendlier that way (and besides, he was eager to see them again). When he and Jim showed up, the port was crowded, but they managed to find some seats near the right gate, and soon the shuttle arrived and they were too busy trying to spot Abby and Sam and the kids to care about the rest of the crowd.

Eli was the first to spot them and ran over, Hannah following as quickly as they could on crutches. "Hi Uncle Len and Jim, look at my shirt!" he said excitedly, showing them the Starfleet Academy logo t-shirt he'd made his parents get him from the shop right off the shuttle, pulled on over the shirt he was already wearing.

"You look just like a cadet," Jim said with a grin, waving to the others.

Hannah hurried over, disgruntled by the cast on their foot.

"Looking good, kiddo," Leonard said warmly, ruffling Eli's hair, then leading him back towards the others. "Hey there, Hannah - you doing alright, there? We can find a chair if you're sick of juggling the crutches."

"I'm okay," Hannah said, and blew a piece of hair off their forehead, then looked up at Leonard sweetly. "Can you fix my foot and take the cast off?"

Abby slid a hand through Hannah's hair as she and Sam caught up. "Their doctor said the cast was the precaution to keep from breaking it for a third time this month while their body strengthens the new bone and tissue," she explained, exasperated and fond, and stepped around them to give Leonard a hug. "Hi. Thanks for coming to get us."

"Twice in a month?" Leonard replied, eyebrows raised, then paused to give Abby a tight hug. "It's good to see you," he murmured. "Thanks for coming up."

"Twice," Sam confirmed ruefully.

Jim smiled at Sam and let Sam pull him into a hug. "Good to see you again," he said, and ruffled Hannah's hair. "You gotta be more careful, kiddo."

Eli adjusted his backpack. "Can we go now? I wanna see the bridge and the academy and the water! We saw some water from the shuttle."

"One thing at a time," Sam told him. "Luggage first."

Eli was bouncing with energy, and Leonard let him tug Jim ahead towards the luggage bay, staying behind to keep Hannah company. "So how'd you break it?" he asked curiously. "The first time, that is."

"I jumped out of a tree," Hannah admitted, twisting their face like their mom did when she was embarrassed. "But it wasn't that high! I just landed wrong."

Leonard nodded sympathetically. "Any kinda jump can cause a fracture if you land wrong," he reassured them. "Which is why you should be careful about jumping, but I'm sure you've already been told that a few dozen times." 

"Uh huh," Hannah said, slowly moving along. "And then I twisted it pretty bad running in a baseball game and the doctor said sometimes the new bone parts are weaker and I wasn't supposed to be playing but I had to because two people were sick and we would've had to forfeit!"

Leonard's lips twitched. "What did your coach say, when she heard you weren't supposed to play?"

"Well," Hannah started, dragging out the word reluctantly, "Coach Marnie was also not there because one of my teammates who was sick was her daughter and Mama hadn't told our assistant coach Coach Teagan that I wasn't supposed to play so I didn't tell them either and then when they saw I was on the bench they asked if I wanted to play today to replace someone. And Mama and Daddy weren't there because Colleen's parents drove me."

"Uh-huh," Leonard said, putting the picture together in his head. "Well, darlin', I'm sure you've been told off for playing enough, huh?"

"Yup," Hannah said, popping the p . "My doctor said it was a record for how quickly I broke the same bones again."

Leonard snorted. "They really are more fragile for a bit," he informed them. "But all I'll say is, sometimes you're gonna feel like there's something you need to do that the doctor said you shouldn't, or you're gonna let someone down. It happens to all of us. But when that happens, you've gotta tell the people you're helping, so they can make a decision of how they want to go forward."

"My team wouldn't have wanted to forfeit," Hannah pointed out, leaving out the fact that their team had had to forfeit the game anyway after they'd been brought back to the doctor for the osteo-regen. "I learned something cool at the doctor's office! Did you know that bone heals slower than skin? That's why new skin is strong sooner than new bone is."

Leonard let them change the subject, figuring they'd already heard anything he'd say about it. "That's right!" he said warmly. "Skin's pretty thin stuff, and even without a regen, it heals up pretty fast. Bone has to be much stronger, so it takes a long time."

"Are your bones or your skin more important for your body?" Hannah asked, pausing to adjust the crutches, and then trying to balance on just the two of them without the aid of their uninjured foot. 

Leonard drew in a breath through his teeth, shaking his head. "Now that's a tough question," he said. "Your bones are the structure - you couldn't stand up or move without them, and they protect your organs too. But your skin is a protective layer keeping your blood in and germs out - and that's pretty damn important too."

"Then they should heal equally fast," Hannah said thoughtfully. "My teacher says that a lot of things our body does is in order of how much you need it. Like breathing and blinking are automatic."

"Well, yes and no," Leonard said, impressed by their reasoning. "For something to heal fast, that's gotta be something that changes easily. D'you reckon it's a good idea for your bones to change easily?"

"No," Hannah said, and then laughed at the thought of their arms growing longer like in a cartoon. "That'd be funny if they did that and we could grow our bones really fast."

"It would, wouldn't it?" Leonard said fondly. "Well, our skin changes quick, so it heals quick. Our bones are better at staying the same as we do all sorts of things, so they heal slow." They'd nearly reached the luggage collection point now, and he could see that the others up ahead of them had already retrieved a couple of suitcases. 

As they approached, Eli ran over with Hannah's rolling suitcase, and gave Leonard the handle. "Mama said you could take this," he said, adjusting his own suitcase, which was the same style and size, but with stars on it instead of the dinosaurs on Hannah's.

Abby touched Sam's back as she passed him and came over. "Mama said to ask if he could take it," she said, and put a hand on Hannah's shoulder to keep them from falling as they started trying to balance on the crutches again.

Leonard's lips twitched. "Well, you can tell your mama I'm happy to," he told Eli, amused. "Hannah, d'you want a break before we head over to grab a transport?"

"Yeah," they said, and pulled a face. "My arms are tired."

Abby rubbed their back. "Do you want to find a place to sit? I can help the boys look for the rest of our luggage."

"We'll take a seat," Leonard agreed, nodding to some benches by a pillar. "Do those look okay to you?"

"Yeah!" Hannah said, and started toward the benches with Eli. 

Abby put a hand on Leonard's arm to stop him from following, though she kept an eye on the kids. "We need to make sure we get some time to catch up later," she said, lowering her voice.

Leonard frowned a little. "Is something wrong?" he asked, equally quietly. "Jim'll help us get some time."

"Oh, no, I just want to hear how everything's going," she said, glancing back at Jim and Sam, before looking at Len and then kids back a ways on the bench. "It's all okay between you two?"

Leonard relaxed, smiling. "Yeah, Abby," he murmured, "we're good. We sorted it out."

" Good ," Abby said, and put her hand on his shoulder. "I thought so, but I'm glad to hear you two are doing okay. And everything's... about the same between you?"

"Same as before," Leonard said, pulling her into a half-hug. "We're doing fine."

Abby brushed through his hair. "We'll talk more later, okay? You go make sure Hannah doesn't break another bone before we get the suitcase."

Leonard snorted. "I'm not a miracle worker," he warned. "I give myself a fifty-fifty chance."

"I'll take it," Abby said with a chuckle, and gently turned him toward the kids. "We shouldn't be too much longer. See if they want to figure out what they're in the mood for, for lunch."

"You got it," Leonard reassured her. "Take as long as you need with the suitcases, if you or Sam need a breath. We'll be fine."

Abby brushed her hand through his hair again, and went back to join Jim and Sam.

Jim and Leonard got to the Starfleet museum before the rest of the family the next morning, since they lived close and didn't have two kids to wrangle. "Think Eli's going to wear his new Academy shirt?" Jim asked Bones with a fond smile while they waited. Abby and Sam had texted to say they were a minute away, so it wouldn't be long before they showed up.

"I'd be surprised if he didn't," Leonard admitted, looking over the list of exhibitions. "Oh - Abby let me know their hotel helped them get a chair for Hannah, so they should be able to get around faster today."

"Good," Jim said with a smile, perking up when he saw them come through the door.

Hannah was moving much faster in the hoverchair, and was the first through the automatic doors to the entranceway. 

"Sorry we're a few minutes late," Abby said, adjusting the backpack she was carrying with snacks, and anything else any of them might need.

"Hi! Do you guys get to help make the museum?" Eli asked them, coming over and leaning into Leonard to greet and scent him at the same time.

"Hey, kiddo," Leonard said warmly, hugging Eli around the shoulders and reaching out to ruffle Hannah's hair. "There's probably folks at Starfleet they consult, but they've never spoken to me about it. What about you, Jim?"

Jim smiled sheepishly. "They did, actually," he admitted. "They talk about my dad in the museum, and they asked me a few things about him when they were updating the exhibit a couple years ago." It was for the twentieth anniversary exhibit, before Jim had even considered applying as a cadet.

"Who's your dad?" Hannah asked, more interested in Jim being a little famous than the actual Starfleet stuff for now.

"Guess you'll have to try to find the holos of someone who looks like me to figure it out," he said with a grin, and ruffled Hannah's hair, too.

Sam had disappeared briefly to retrieve two copies of the museum map, and now he brought them over to give to Hannah and Eli. "We're going to take a few minutes to look at the list of options," he informed them, "and then I want to know what your 'can't miss' choices are."

Hannah and Eli both started looking through the pamphlets to pick out their favorites.

Abby put a hand on Hannah's hoverchair to steady them as they leaned back. There were anti-tipping measures, but Abby still didn't doubt they could tip it if they were determined to. "Have you two seen the museum before?" she asked Len and Jim.

"I haven't done a lotta sight-seeing," Leonard admitted. "So wherever we go, I'll probably learn something."

"Me neither," Jim admitted, looking around the entryway.

"I want to see the first contact exhibit," Eli said, holding his pamphlet out to Sam and pointing to it on the map.

"Mine's the replica starship bridge," Hannah decided, and started leaning to get the hoverchair to turn in a circle. "Can we do that one first?"

Sam took the map and had a look. "The replica bridge is closer to here," he admitted. "We'll start with that and then head upstairs."

"We also have to look for Jim's dad," Hannah said excitedly, and started to move in the direction of the exhibit.

"You know the rules, Han; stay in the same room as us unless you ask first," Abby reminded them as they wheeled away, then shared a look with Len. "They're excited about how fast they can go now."

"Big change from the crutches," Leonard commented blandly, hiding a smile.

"Uh-huh," Sam said tiredly. "They're gonna ram someone in the shins today, I just know it."

Jim chuckled. "I wouldn't be surprised." He stuck his hands in his pockets and started moving a little faster to keep an eye on Hannah.

"Can I get a hover chair?" Eli asked Sam, a little bit of a whine creeping into his voice.

Sam looked him over thoughtfully as they started walking. "Well, the museum might have a few," he said. "For people who get too tired or sore walking around to see everything."

"I can get one if I get tired?" Eli pressed, ginning. He was really good at faking being tired.

"If you borrow it, what happens when someone on crutches arrives?" Sam pointed out. "A hoverchair isn't like the lifts or the big bathrooms. It's not something people can all share for a day." 

"...that makes sense," Eli agreed after thinking about it for a minute, and took his dad's hand. 

Abby yawned as they made their way to the first exhibit. "How's your flight class going?” she asked Leonard. “Haven't flunked out yet?"

"It's an absolute nightmare," Leonard admitted quietly. "They've seen students who get anxious before, but I'm a new level. I can't actually flunk out, but they might make me repeat, because they can't let me in a shuttle until I can cope with the sims."

"Is that going to hold you back a semester, if they do?" Abby asked, lowering her voice a little.

Leonard shook his head, keeping his eyes ahead of him. "I just have to tack it on during my semester course load," he explained. "They won't make me repeat the theory bits if I pass that test at the end of the course."

"Surely they've had someone with a phobia like yours before," she mused. "I'm surprised they don't have better ways of handling it. And what about Jim? He could help you with the theory at least, couldn't he?"

"Aerophobes don't tend to join Starfleet, for some reason," Leonard said dryly. "And letting me take twice as long for the practical components is handling it. They wouldn't be doing me any favours if they gave me an exception."

They emerged into the starship bridge to find Hannah sitting in the captain's chair, examining the nearby buttons and dials with Jim's indulgent commentary.

Abby frowned. "Does Jim have any suggestions?" she asked carefully, more curious if Jim knew about it. 

Leonard looked over at Jim and shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets. "He keeps me company afterwards, helps me calm down," he said. They'd cuddle close, Leonard breathing in Jim's calm scent to help himself relax.

Something in Abby relaxed, knowing he had Jim there. "That's sweet of him," she said softly. "I'm glad you've got him."

"Yeah," Leonard murmured. "Me too." 

Abby watched Jim, who was chatting with Hannah about the exhibit. "I don't suppose he could go with you to the flight class? Maybe it could calm you down while you're there."

Leonard shook his head. "We're working it out," he promised. Practice flights with neither of them in the pilot's seat, talking through the sims together, debriefing after class. "We've got it, Abby. It's fine."

"Just figured I'd suggest it in case you hadn't thought of it," she said, and leaned into him for a moment. "Have you chatted with Lilah at all recently?"

"She sends me updates now and then," Leonard said, "but not much." Things were still awkward between them, and he wasn't going to push. "How is she?"

"She's good," Abby said with a soft smile. "Getting bigger every day, but she's in good spirits. The kids are excited now. Ma thinks it'll be another boy."

Leonard smiled back. "They're keeping it a surprise from everyone, huh?"

"She thought it'd be fun. They're keeping the names they've got in mind secret, too." Abby chuckled, then nudged Len and nodded toward where Jim was explaining something to the kids. "He really is great with them."

"He is," Leonard murmured, smiling fondly. Still, they shouldn't leave Jim and Sam to manage the kids all morning. "We'd better go help, or we'll never get off the bridge."

Abby laughed and pulled a camera from her pocket as Sam helped Hannah into the Captain's chair. "Let me get a picture of all of you," she said, before anyone could move away.

Eli leaned on the arm of the captain's chair and smiled.

Jim stepped a bit out of frame, and Abby shooed him back into it. "You, too, Jim." 

Leonard joined them, hugging Jim around the waist, and pointed out quietly, "The kids'll want to remember the day when you're a famous captain."

Jim leaned into him, looking at him with a warm smile. "Too bad there's no replica medbay to get pictures in, for when you're my famous CMO."

Leonard laughed quietly. "A starship medbay isn't that different from an all-purpose medbay anywhere else," he pointed out. "And presumably the CMO spends at least a little time on the bridge."

"I'll invite you up a couple times a day to say hi," Jim said, grinning.

Abby helped Hannah back into their wheelchair.

"Can we go to the first contact exhibit now?" Eli asked, leaning into Jim and looking up at both of them.

"Sure, kiddo, we can head that way," Leonard agreed fondly.

Jim squeezed Bones' hand as he let Eli take his other one to start pulling him away, but held on, tugging Bones with him. "Come on, Bones, hurry up," he teased.

"Yeah, Uncle Len, you're so slow," Hannah agreed, moving the hoverchair quicker.

"Alright, alright," Leonard said fondly, letting them pull him along. "How 'bout you two tell me what you learned while I was chatting to your mama?"

As they left the museum, Eli and Hannah both had more questions about the Kelvin exhibit they'd passed through, where they'd figured out (with a few hints) that Captain Kirk was Jim's dad.

"So you’re really famous ?" Hannah asked, spinning their hoverchair toward him. "The exhibit said everyone knows your father."

"Only a little famous," Jim said with a chuckle. "I'm well known in Starfleet, but people usually can't recognize me. I'm not like an actor from a holovid."

"Do you remember your father at all?" Eli asked, taking Jim's hand as he walked next to him. "Because you were a really little baby when he died."

Jim shook his head. "I don't, but I have stories of him, so it feels like I remember him," he replied, voice soft. He steered them to turn, heading them toward the restaurant they'd planned on for lunch. "Do you remember things from when you were that small?"

"No," Eli admitted.

"There's a holovid about the Kelvin explosion, we had to watch it in my history class," Hannah said proudly.

"We watched it in my class too," Eli added. "Did you watch that one?"

"There are a couple of holo adaptations," Jim said wearily. "I haven't seen any of them, no."

"The one we watched was kinda boring," Hannah told him. 

"Yeah?" Leonard prompted, hoping to change the subject. "Have you seen any fun holovids in class?"

Jim shot him a grateful look.

"We watched one about kids that got really small and went inside a human body and we got to see all the blood and organs and stuff," Hannah said with a grin.

"But that was animated. The explosion one was real people," Eli told Jim. "Did it really explode? What happened to everyone else your dad saved?"

"I don't think so," Jim said with a slight frown. "I don't actually know a lot about the crew."