Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

SMG4 flopped down on his bed, exhausted. He had been editing videos and memeing all day. He had barely spared any time to eat or even just rest his eyes!

The blue guardian sighed, curling into his bedsheets and turning onto his side.

Finally, he could get some sleep...

As he shut his eyes, mere moments away from falling asleep; his bedroom door opened, letting in the light from the living room.

Four groaned, sitting up to look at the intruder standing in his doorway. Unsurprisingly, his best friend Mario was the one looking back at him.

"Mario...?" He mumbled.

"Hello SMG4!" Mario cheerily said, shutting the door and walking into the room.

"I... didn't realise you were still here. Why didn't you go home?" Four asked.

The Italian shrugged, "Mario didn't want to leave without saying goodbye and you were busy working. So Mario waited."

Four sighed, knowing where this was going

"And now it's too dark for you to walk home?" He said plainly. Mario nodded at this and smiled hopefully at his friend. Knowing what was coming next, SMG4 let out a groan, pinching his brow as he reluctantly sighed. "Fine, you can stay the night."

Mario's face lit up as he let out a happy "Wahoo!" and trotted over to the bed. Four pulled back the sheets and Mario climbed in next to him.

Four then threw the sheets back over the both of them and laid his head down to sleep. The red Italian next to him rolled onto his side, facing SMG4's back. He then reached his arms out and wrapped them around Four's stomach, pulling him into Mario's embrace.

Four didn't fight the action. It wasn't the first time this had happened and honestly, the company was nice. He relaxed as he felt Mario's body pressing against his own. He curled into the contact, feeling secure in the Italians warm embrace.

"Mmm... goodnight Mario..." he yawned.

"Night Four..." Mario replied, resting his head in the crook of Four's neck.

Mario put one of his legs on top of Fours, keeping him close. The duo smiled to themselves, silently enjoying the moment as they cuddled all night long.

Chapter Text

The SMG4 crew sat around the games room, laughing and drinking the night away. They were all drunk silly by now, having a mix of whatever spirits, wines and beers each person enjoyed.

"Aw man. Looks like we're out of whisky." Three moped, tipping the now empty bottle upside down.

Four sighed, standing up.

"Don't worry man, I'll get another bottle." He said, getting up and walking to the kitchen.

Mario, missing Four's presence, decided that he would go too. The Italian hopped to his feet, swaying slightly due to the effects of the alcohol. Once he was balanced, he trailed after the blue guardian, humming his theme song happily.

Four reached into the liquor cabinet and grabbed a fresh bottle of whiskey. He opened it, taking an experimental sip of the liquid to 'taste test' it. He let out a relaxed sigh as he revelled in the burning feeling rolling down his throat. With a fresh buzz of alcohol running through his systems, he shut the door to the liquor cabinet and jumped back when he noticed Mario motionlessly standing right next to him.

"GAH-! Oh, Mario. Jesus Christ man you scared me." He chuckled.

Mario giggled, a little tipsy and he smiled at Four.

"Awww I'm-a sorry SMG4. Mario didn't mean to jumpscare you."

SMG4 smirked, leaning against the cabinet as he moved slightly closer to the Italian.

"Soo... what you doing here? Were you after any drink in particular?~" he asked.

Both of their faces were slightly red, their bodies made warm from the nights drinks.

"Mmmm... nah~ Mario just wanted to follow you..."

Mario also stepped forward, meeting Four's playful challenge.

"Ohhh alright then~" fuelled by drinks, SMG4 placed a hand on Mario's chest, gently pulling at his overall straps. "So was there anything you wanted from me in particular?~"

Mario grinned. A half lidded, drunk grin. He leaned closer, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

"I think you know what Mario wants~"

Four returned his look before leaning in a capturing his lips in a hungry kiss. Mario reciprocated, pushing against Four with his hands grabbing as Four's overall straps.

SMG4's arms wrapped around Mario's neck with bottle still in hand. They pulled each other closer as Mario's tongue began to make its way into his guardian's mouth.

These drunken make out sessions were not a rare occurrence for the duo. In fact, it was rare that they didn't occur whenever they decided to have one too many drinks.

As Mario worked his tongue into Four's mouth, the blue cladded man allowed him to explore. Addicted to his taste with a hint of alcohol. He ran his hands through Mario's hair, gripping as his brunette locks as their make out session continued.

Eventually, the pair parted; panting slightly as they dizzily gazed at one another.

"So... did you get what you came for?" SMG4 asked.

"Yeah. Mario did. Thank you Glitchyyy~" Mario slurred, leaving a drunken kiss on SMG4's cheek before stumbling back through to the living room.

Four chuckled, grabbed the bottle, and followed the Italian.

Chapter Text

Oneshot Wren had never questioned his sexuality. Nope. Not once. He was a celebrity of the Splatfest world. A star! There was no way he could be anything other than straight.

At least... that's what he thought.

But then, he died. And in the afterlife, he met a man named Niles. And boy, Wren had never met anyone who was so bold with his sexuality. So flamboyant and flirtatious. In all honesty, Niles' advances threw him off a little.

B-but he wasn't gay or anything! It was just a surprise to have an attracti- decent looking guy hit on him. No, Wren wasn't gay. He was disgusted by Niles' advances! He couldn't be gay. That wasn't him.

...right?

He had to be sure. He needed to prove to himself that he was just getting confused. Luckily for him, Niles gave him a great suggestion on how to figure out if he was gay or not.

"Just kiss me." He shrugged.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Come onnnn, don't you wanna know if you're gay or not?" He grinned devilishly.

"Well... yeah but wouldn't kissing a guy make me gay?" Wren raised an eyebrow.

"Not necessarily. If you're not into it, we'll stop and never talk about it again."

"And... if I am? Which, by the way, I won't be. But what would happen then?"

Nile's gave another shrug as a smirk formed on his face, "Guess we'll just have to see cowboy."

Wren internally debated to idea for a moment longer before groaning, "Fine. I'll do it. But only to prove that I'm not... y-y'know..."

"A man-loving homosexual?"

"......yes. That."

Niles sat up and shuffled closer to the cowboy who remained in once place.

"Well then..." Niles tilted his head up to look at him, "experiment away~"

Wren blushed, much to his own dismay, and his lips curled into a frown. Hesitantly, he inched his lip's closer to Niles' until eventually they met.

Wren tensed up, squeezing his eyes shut at the contact; leading Niles to take control of the kiss. He gently cupped Wren's face, leaning further into the kiss as Wren's body finally relaxed. Cautiously, the cowboy hooked an arm around Niles' neck, deepening the kiss.

It didn't take long for the Western Inkling to gain the confidence to push his tongue to the front of his mouth, parting Niles' lips in an attempt to take control of the kiss.

Niles was charmed by Wren's attempt but he wasn't willing to let him take control of the situation so easily. His tongue pushed back against Wren's, earning a frustrated groan from the inkling.

In that moment, it was like Wren snapped out of a daze. He immediately broke the kiss, face red, body rigid. Niles wiped the saliva hanging from his own lips as he eyes the man in front of him.

"Well?" He asked, "You gay or not?"

Wren was stunned. No. No he wasn't gay. He couldn't be! He was a Splatfest champion! A legend! There was not a chance in hell that he could be...

"I..." he was at a loss for words as he tried to formulate some kind of response.

"I-I'm not... I can't be..."

It looked as if his world was shattering around him.

No. He was NOT gay. He did NOT enjoy that kiss. Niles was NOT attractive to him.

Niles gave him a concerned look, reaching out to place a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, you good?" He asked.

Wren smack his hand away.

"I'M FINE!" He yelled angrily. "I'M PERFECTLY FINE! I ain't gay Niles! I wasn't in life and I sure as hell ain't gonna be in death! So just stop pushing that shit onto me!"

Niles' eyes widened in surprise as the sudden outburst, before his face morphed into a smirk once again.

"Oh? Is that a little blush I see?~" He teased.

Of course, this only cause Wren's face to redden more, though he tried to play it off as anger.

"J-JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE YOU... y-you..." Wren hesitated for a moment before just decided fuck it.

He needed to prove to himself AND Niles that he didn't enjoy that kiss...

That he was not gay.

"YOU DIRTY LITTLE FAGGOT!" He yelled.

As soon as the words left his lips, Wren felt regret shoot through his body. And that painful feeling was only reinforced when he saw the hurt look on Niles' usually smug face.

Niles froze, horrified and mostly confused by Wren's words. He had to pause for a moment as he fully took in the weight of what his so called "friend" had just spat at him. Finally, he stood up, looking down at Wren with an expression of confused disgust whilst Wren kept up his angry front; however Niles did take note of the tears threatening to prick out from the corner of his eyes.

The virus sighed in defeat, "Fine. I'll... get out of your hair."

The tension between them was unusually serious. Neither man liked it but not one of them felt like they could comment on it. Finally, Niles left the room. As soon as he did, Wren broke down.

He collapsed into himself, unable to stop the tears flowing down his cheeks.

"Fucking hell..." he cursed as he cried.

"What the fuck is wrong with you Wren??"

He didn't mean what he said. He didn't think Niles was filthy. He was anything but!

But still, that blossoming feeling Wren had felt when Niles had kissed him was just... too much. More than anything he had ever felt with any woman. But he would never admit that in a million years. He couldn't. He was already weak enough, he didn't need this thing piling onto that as well. Not to mention, crying over a boy at his age was just sad.

Oh grow up you stupid inkling.

He had to remind himself where these kind of emotions belonged.

No where.

At least, not with him. He didn't need anything else making him weak. And the last thing he wanted was something potentially ruining his public image- oh.

Wait.

He doesn't have a public image anymore.

He was in the afterlife.

.........

He still wasn't gay though. Couldn't be.

Chapter Text

Melony was playing with Axol jr in her bedroom when suddenly, the door swung open. The watermelon girl glanced over and smiled as she saw Saiko standing in the doorway, looking exhausted.

"Hiya Saiko!" She beamed, waving to the pink-haired rockstar.

Saiko responded with a groan and stumbled into the room, flopping on the bed. Melony sat Axol jr aside and shuffled closer to Saiko, running a gentle hand through her hair.

"How'd rehearsal go?" She asked innocently. 

"Terrible. Whimpu and Rob kept fucking up the sound quality and Kaizo kept yelling at the two of them. Those boy are giving me the worst migraine ever..." she grumbled, throwing her arm over her eyes in exhaustion.

Melony giggled and pulled Saiko into her lap, her legs acting like a cushion for the tired guitarist. Saiko didn't complain, nor mind as the watermelon girl started to take out her hair bands, releasing the tension from her scalp. She relaxed into Melony's touch as she felt her hands gently stroke her hair.

"Mmm... that's better." Saiko mumbled.

"Is this helping?" 

"Oh yeah. Like you would not believe."

Saiko caught Melony's hand and brought it to her lips, planting a soft kiss on her sweet flesh.

"Thanks Melony..." she smiled.

Melony beamed, leaning downwards to leave a reciprocating kiss on Saiko's forehead.

"Anytime Saiko..."

Chapter Text

Karen stumbled up the stairs to her home and let out an exhausted sigh as she fumbled around with her keys. The past 24 hours had been the most draining she had been through in a while.

Three of her many jobs had scheduled her to work on the same day. At 7PM yesterday, she had to leave her kids at home to attend to the night shift at the Mushroom Kingdom's dump. The cat lady kept an eye on the place, even managing to have a little nap, during her 6 hour shift until eventually, she was able to leave at 1AM.

Her next shift started at 3AM which gave her just enough time to go home, change uniform, and check on her sleeping kids. Once 3AM rolled around, she left her home again and drove over to her job at the 24/hr convenience store. It sure as hell wasn't convenient for her, but I digress. The shift was mostly uneventful, aside from the occasional crazy drunk trying to buy some more booze, but Karen could deal with them easily. Karen ended up spending most of that shift longingly staring at the picture of her kids she kept in her uniform pocket. She had to keep reminding herself who she was doing this for. It would all be worth it to provide for her family.

4 hours later, it was finally 7AM and Karen could hand the store over to the morning shift. She hurriedly made her way home to wake up her kids, prepare breakfast, and drive them to school. Then it was time to begin her most gruelling shift of all.

10 hours at Starbucks.

She was the general manager for the local Starbucks, meaning she had to clock in before everyone and clock out after everyone. Her shift was tough to say the least. Countless entitled 10 year olds wanting a drink they saw on TikTok, old people not understanding that contactless can be done through a phone nowadays, people yelling at her over the fact they can no longer use their expired gift cards. And if things couldn't get bad enough, two separate people had tried to rob the cash register; meaning Karen had to resort to her assassin skills to take them down.

Once the last customer had finally left and Karen could lock up, she felt a sigh of relief leave her body.

Finally... it was over...

She didn't even register the drive home, two exhausted to remember it. It was like she woke up and was suddenly back home. Karen sat in the driveway for a good 20 minutes, trying to compose herself before going inside. She didn't want her kids to see her in such a state.

She opened the door and was greeted by the sight of her kids giggling and squealing as they played Mario Kart against their babysitter, SMG4. 

Karen smiled as she watched them. SMG4 had been her saving grace throughout this whole thing. He knew how hard Karen worked to support her family so he often volunteered to help the single mom out whenever he could. He would buy her kids gifts, babysit for free, cook meals, keep them entertained and was happy to be a rock for Karen to lean on when things got too difficult. Karen never asked for his help. He was just there. There for her, there for her kids, there for her family. She knew she would never be able to repay his kindness.

The blue meme guardian turned his head and noticed that Karen had returned. He smiled brightly, pausing the game and standing up to greet her.

"Hey Karen, how were your shifts?" he asked

She sighed, "Exhausting. I feel like my whole body is about to collapse..." 

At that point, Katie stood up and excitedly bounded over to her mother.

"Mommy! Mommy! Guess what! Mister Four showed us how to make memes! Look at this one I made!"

She happily presented the 'meme' to her mother, who looked at it in confusion.

"Uh... that's nice Katie. What is it exactly?" She asked.

SMG4 shrugged, "Eh, memes don't make a whole lot of sense now. They're much more unsophisticated compared to how they used to be when I first became a memer. It's sad really..." 

Four sighed as he wistfully looked at the misshapen 'meme' in Katie's paws. Soon, Karen's other children, Zack and Cory, also came over to their mother with their own memes and stories of what SMG4 had done with them that day. She tried to show an interest, asking questions and plastering on a smile but the truth was, she was just so insanely tired that all she could think of was flopping onto her bed and passing out.

Four began to notice the cracks in her facade and quickly stepped into the conversation, much to Karen's relief.

"Hey kids, your mom has had a long day. Why don't you three keep playing Mario Kart and I'll join you in a bit. me and your mom just have to talk about some grownup stuff."

This seemed to satisfy the kids as they hurried back to the living room to continue playing. SMG4 looked at Karen with concern.

"Hey, you good?" He asked

She nodded, "Y-Yeah I'm fine I'm just... I am so tired... I don't have the energy to cook, to talk, to listen. I just want to be left alone and sleep..." 

"Go sleep then." Four said.

"No, I can't yet. I still have to make food, help the kids with their homework, get them in bed..."

"Don't worry about any of that. I'll deal with dinner and the kids. You just give yourself a break, okay? I got this."

Karen gave Four a grateful smile.

"I couldn't ask you to do that." She said

"You don't have to ask. I'm happy to help you Karen."

"But you've already done so much and-"

"And I'll gladly do more. Just go to your room and unwind. I'll bring you your dinner when it's ready. Don't worry."

Four spoke with nothing but genuine compassion. He clearly wanted to help her. And Karen couldn't be more grateful. She smiled at the guardian and carried her weary body to her bedroom where she soon collapsed onto her mattress.

After about an hour or two, she was awoken by a soft knock on her door.

"Karen? I've got your food here. You awake?"

She let out a tired groan as a response and Four entered.

"Thanks Four..." She mumbled as he handed her the plate of food and began to eat.

"Hey, no problem." He smiled as he sat down next to her.

There wasn't much conversation between them as Karen ate. She didn't think she had the brainpower left over for smalltalk and Four could understand that. He had a kid too and a job that was sometimes exhausting. Obviously, no where near as exhausting as Karen's many occupations but he could still somewhat relate.

So, they just sat in silence next to one another. The playful laughs of Karen's kids could be heard from the other room, filling the otherwise silent room with some sort of atmosphere. Once Karen was finished, Four wordlessly took her plate back through to the kitchen.

"Thanks Four..." She mumbled again. He gave her an appreciative smile and continued on his way to the kitchen.

Many hours later, the kids were finally in bed, their homework had been done, the dishes had been cleaned, and Four could finally call it a night. He decided to pop back into Karen's room to let her know he was taking off.

"Hey Karen, just letting you know the kids are all cleaned up and in bed so unless you have anything else I can help out with, I'm just gonna-," Four then heard the gentle snores coming from Karen's sleeping body. "Right, you're asleep..." He said quietly.

Four awkwardly stood in the doorway for a moment, glancing around before entering her room. He approached her bed, grabbing the corner of the bedsheets and draping them over her sleeping figure. he then carefully remover her visor and headset that she had forgotten to take off, hoping it would make her more comfortable.

He smiled sweetly, "Night Karen..."

As Four was about to leave, he once again heard the cat lady drowsily mumble something under her breath.

"mmm... thanks Four..."

Chapter Text

Mr Puzzles opened the door to his and Mario's home, strutting into the building with an invigorating spring in his step.

After the collapse of Puzzlevision and the failure of Puzzle Park, Mr Puzzles decided to rethink his career path slightly and try out regular acting. He had a few auditions lined up this week and had just gotten back from his first one.

"I'm home darling!" He called out.

"Mario's in the living room!" He heard as a response.

The adware dropped off his bag and entered the living room; leaning over the couch where his dear boyfriend was sitting and planting a small electrical kiss on his cheek.

"Miss me?" He asked; his voice that usual, smug cocky tone.

"Mhm! How did the audition go?" Mario asked, looking up at his boyfriend with a big smile.

Puzzles chuckled as he walked around to the front of the couch before getting comfortable next to his lover.

"Well, I don't want to jinx anything but I wouldn't be surprised if I were to get a callback in the coming days..." Puzzles smirked.

"Wow TV man. Good job! Mario is-a so happy for you."

Puzzles sighed, "Ah, thank you dear. Honestly, where would I be without you?~"

He gave Mario another kiss, earning a small giggle from the Italian.

"I'm telling you dear, a career in acting is the way to go for me. It's only natural - it's true I was destined for stardom in one way or another~" Puzzles gloats smugly.

Mario hummed in response, "Oh yeah?"

"That's right! Mark my words, I'll be starring in major motion pictures in just a few short months! Honestly, the camera loves me."

"I'm sure it does..." Mario sighed, smiling at his adware.

"I mean, who could blame it really? I am quite the show stopper if I do say so myself~ any company that cast me would be getting more than their money's worth in my opinion. Just my presence in the film alone will draw in hundreds of adoring fans; I'm sure of it! They'll allllll be wanting to catch a glimpse of this." He said, gesturing to himself.

His boyfriend let out a sigh.

"You know, Mario's starting to think you don't actually care about what film your cast in. You just want the attention it'll bring you." Mario said with a smirk.

The adware blushed slightly, "Well... what's wrong with that? A little bit of attention never hurt..." Puzzles sheepishly smiled.

Mario chuckled, hugging his partner's side lovingly as he leant against him.

"Attention whore~" he teased.

Puzzles smiled, reciprocating the hug and planting a small electric zap on Mario's forehead.

"That I am. However, your attention will forever be the one I value the most..."

Mario chuckled as the static kiss, holding the TV closer. "Doesn't make you any less of an attention whore." He reminded him.

Puzzles sighed with a smile, "no...

I suppose it doesn't."

Chapter Text

SMG3 was considered one of the best therapists in the mushroom kingdom. So, when Swag and his army dudes had contacted him with a high paying offer to sort out one of the prison inmates... well he couldn't refuse. The coffee business wasn't paying as well as he would have hoped so it soon became inevitable that he would have to fall back on his therapist degree. And rehabilitating former villains did seem to be a specialty of his!

That being said, when he found out his patient was none other than Mr Puzzles, it's safe to say Three had his reservations. In all honesty, so did Puzzles. And at first, the adware was reluctant to open up to SMG3.

But, as time went on, SMG3 managed to slowly chip away at the walls Mr Puzzles had built up. He got him to open up about his childhood, his loneliness, his desire for fame and recognition. And the more he talked, the more Three found himself relating to the guy.

Professionalism be damned, Three couldn't help but talk about his own grievances with fame and loneliness during their sessions. Over time, their bond became less like a therapist and patient and more akin to two people just trying their best with the cards they had been dealt by life.

As much as Three tolerated the crew's company, there was no denying that the way Mr Puzzles understood him was unlike anything the crew could do. They could never understand him like the TV did. I mean, how could they?? It was impossible!!

But when he was with Puzzles, Three finally felt like he had found that one person who could get him. He enjoyed their talks; looked forward to them even! Puzzles just had this way about him that made everything he said feel so captivating. Sure, it was Three's job to listen to him; but out of all of his patients, Puzzles was the only one he actually liked to listen to.

Their combined villainous witt and charm would bounce off of one another so naturally that you would assume they had been an evil duo back in the day. An idea they sometimes would explore in their talks.

"Do you ever wonder how things would have gone if we'd have teamed up?" Puzzles asked, laying back on his therapist chair.

"Eh... sometimes." Three shrugged before grinning, "I think if we did, I would have betrayed you before you even knew what had hit you."

Puzzles scoffed, rolling his eyes, "Is that so? Well, I believe I would have planned for your betrayal and therefore put a system in place to ensure I remain in control."

"Well then I would have found and destroyed that system!" Three argued, causing Puzzles to let out a small chuckle.

"Then I would have just made another system to prepare for that."

Three grumbled to himself whilst the TV snickered quietly to himself. He glared down at the adware but there was no malice behind his eyes.

Puzzles soon quietened down, his eyes meeting Three's with a look of soft affection.

"Hm... perhaps we wouldn't have worked as villain partners." He said.

"Yeah, probably not." Three concurred, shrugging.

"But, in terms of what we have made work; well... I like it." Puzzles' screen displayed a genuine smile as he looked up at Three. SMG3 was dumbfounded, trying to think of a response to Puzzles' 'confession' of sorts.

"I, uhh... I think I like it too..." Three finally said, causing Puzzles' screen to shine just a bit brighter as a thin red line flashed across it.

Emotional vulnerability was never a strong suit of SMG3. People like SMG4 and Mario had already worn away at his walls more than he would like to admit. He resented letting yet another person see this softer side of him.

But Puzzles wasn't like his other friends. No, Puzzles understood him and why he feels the way he does. He was the only other person in this damn kingdom who could possibly relate to what he had been through. If anyone had a chance at breaking down his tough exterior, it would be the adware.

Their therapy sessions stretched on for months. And with each one, the two ex villains only found themselves being drawn closer and closer to one another. At some point, Three had given the adware his number, stating it was for 'emergencies only'. Though I'm sure most people would agree that various pictures of a sleeping Eggdog and dress-up photo's of Leggy 2.0 didn't qualify as an emergency. If you pressed either of them about it though, they would argue that they are in fact emergencies.

During the months that they were texting back and forth, Three had been sure to keep the info about his newest patient to a minimum. He knew that if the crew found out he had been getting all buddy-buddy with the guy that tried to kill them, they would have had an issue with it.

Three would hide his phone under the table to read the messages Puzzles had sent him. He'd sneak off to the bathroom to type out a reply. And he wouldn't dare to let anyone get near his phone. If they did, he would immediately snatch it back before yelling at them to 'keep your grubby hands to yourself!'.

Over time, Mario and SMG4 had begun to grow suspicious of Three's behaviour. They took note of his secrecy, his alertness, the way he would never be more than an arms reach away from his phone. The two had tried asking him about it but predictably, he never gave them a straight answer.

"Oi! A little breathing room would be nice!" Three snapped, harshly shoving Four away from him. The guardian had been leaning over his shoulders in the hopes that he would catch a glimpse of the text conversation that had captivated Three's attention recently.

"Oof-! Hey, what's the big deal! I just wanted to see what's got you all happy. Don't usually get to see you with a smile on your face." Four said with a grin.

"Shut up! I wasn't smiling!"

"Ohhhh Mario thinks you were..." Mario added, sharing a knowing look with SMG4.

"I wasn't!! I was just- erm... stretching my lips? I-it's a part of my Rizzler workout routine!" Three said, not having a lot of faith in his obvious lie.

Chapter Text

The Box Club leader had always struggled to get along with his classmates. They were polite with each other, sure, but never close. Whilst everyone else in the class would have at least one person they could turn to, rely on, stay with, the Box Club leader had none of that.

Even before starting the Box Club, he always felt isolated from his peers. He couldn't understand their jokes or relate to their interests. Every time he tried to fit in, he was clunky and awkward. It was obvious he didn't belong no matter how hard he would try.

He would watch as his classmates would disperse into their own little cliques after class and he would be the only one left alone. They weren't mean to him, sure, but he still felt lonely.

He didn't want much. Just a person he could rely on. Someone he knew would get him and he could understand them. Someone who could relate to his loneliness and share their own. Someone real.

Then one day, he discovered the key to all he had been missing.

He discovered, the God Box.

He sat in the library, reading some old journal about meme history or something when the symbol for a greater being caught his eye. He flipped to the corresponding page and there he saw it, the God Box. Drawn out in all its glory on the pages.

He was immediately captivated by it. Fascinated by its history, its beauty, its power. He needed to know more. To learn everything he could about this incredible box.

The next few months were dedicated to researching everything there was to know about the God Box. He learnt about its promise of ultimate power to those who devoted themselves to it. He learnt about the messiah and how it was their destiny to find and open the God Box to purge the land of all non believers. The more he learnt; the further he fell into this obsession.

He began wearing boxes to college, muttering prayers and curses under his breath, trying to promote this god to anyone who would listen. He couldn't help himself. He had to let everyone know about this amazing thing he had discovered. He wanted them to feel the same joy from these simple boxes that he did. If only they would listen...

As the months stretched on, the Box Club leader had become even more isolated from his peers. Only this time, it didn't bother him. He didn't need them. He had his boxes! Some of his classmates had started to grown concerned for the man.

"Hey, uhh... box dude?" one of them spoke, gaining the Box Club Leader's attention as he snapped his head around to look at him.

"Yes?" He asked, his voice wavering.

They were distracting him from his box prayers...

"Are you good? Seriously, we've barely seen you around these past few months and you've become a lot more standoffish than usual. Is everything okay?"

The classmate reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder which the Box Club leader promptly shook off, glaring at the man.

"I'm fine!" He snapped. "In fact, I've never felt better! I'm telling you, the glory of the God Box has led me to the divine light!! Why, I've never seen more clearly in my life! He is both all of everything and nothing. The truest being of the universe! And the one who will save the believers once his ultimate power destroys all heathens to bring forth a new world!! PRAISE TO THE GLORY OF THE GOD BOX!!"

The Box Club Leader praised his god, a bright smile on his face that was covered by his cardboard box. Nobody else needed to see it though. His smile would be known to only himself and his god.

Some classmates tried to hold back mocking laughs whilst others just looked at him like he was a freak. Finally, the one who had reached out to him spoke up.

"Uh huuhhhh... okayyy, erm. So anyway, we were wondering if you'd want to hang out with us this weekend? We need another member for our bowling team and most of the memes in his class don't have opposable thumbs so if you'd be interested then-"

"Bowling? This weekend?" The Box Club leader cocked his head, raising an eyebrow in confusion, "I-I can't do that. I have to recruit more followers for the God Box! I need to have at least 5 people believe in my cause as much as I do before I'm able to make it an official school club! Ohhh just imagine that. The BOX CLUB! I'm sure that'll appease the God Box greatly. And I'll finally be able to spread the good word of the God Box to more people!!"

As he rambled on about his club plans, the other classmates were quick to lose interest.

"Uhuh, sure, whatever man. Go hang out with your boxes instead then you weirdo. We'll find someone else with thumbs. If you wanna push everyone away for those pieces of cardboard then fine. Do it. See if we care."

And with that, the Box Club Leader was once again left to his own devices. He didn't mind though. He preferred it this way.

"Ohh glorious God Box..." he muttered, painting the symbol of his god on various pieces of cardboard and scrap paper, "How grateful I am to have found you. Your presence has given me greater joy and acceptance than anything else in this life..."

He hummed a little tune to himself. A song he was working on in hopes of eventually getting people to join the Box Club.

"What need could I possibly have for anything else in this life? People are overrated. They're unpredictable and rude and complicated. I just can't figure out what makes them tick. These boxes however, will always accept me. They'll never expect me to change how I am to fit in. Boxes truly are the greatest comfort there is. Oh how I hope others will see it one day..."

He smiled to himself, his eyes closing as he joined his hands in prayer.

"Even if no one else ever feels the comfort of the God Box, at least it was able to change one life - mine. In this moment, here surrounded by inanimate pieces of cardboard, I have never felt more at home. This is where I belong. My mind, my body, my soul; all of it belongs to the boxes. It always has done and always will do. I don't need anyone else and they don't need me. Here, I pledge to dedicate my life to the God Box. Nobody will be able to understand me like the God Box does. I would give my life for it if it commanded me! Ohh praise the God Box. Praise it and all of the good it has brought unto me and this world!!! The others don't see it yet, but they will. I'll make sure everyone feels the DIVINE TOUCH OF THE GOD BOX! NO SOUL WILL BE LEFT UNSAVED!! ALL SHALL SEE THE JOY HE BRINGS! Praise the box... PRAISE THE BOX AND ALL HE STANDS FOR!!! HA HA!"

True to his word, his obsession completely took over his life. Every part of his being was truly dedicated to finding the God Box. It was his passion, his purpose, his reason for existence. Nothing in the world made him happier than sharing this glorious thing with the people around him.

And when he finally was able to see the God Box in person, he felt as if he was going to cry from joy. The promises of ultimate power, the stories in those old books, the messiah, EVERYTHING! It was all true...

It hadn't all been for naught.

That happiness stayed with him, even once his soul had truly been claimed by his god forever. It hurt in the moment, but ultimately, it's what he wanted.

It's an honour to die at the hands of the God Box.

He told himself.

And he knew that he wouldn't have wanted to go any other way.

Praise the God Box.

Chapter Text

It was a new morning which meant a new day of business for SMG3's Coffee & Bombs™. Although his cafe hadn't been doing too well financially, it was just about scraping by on the few regulars they had as well as tourists the SMG4 castle brought to the showgrounds. It wasn't much but hey, SMG3 made it work. In fact, last week he even had a little cash left over from his coffee sales!

So, with his newfound riches (it was just 30 extra bucks), he decided to treat himself and his cafe by purchasing an official Coffee & Bombs™ uniform!!

It was nothing fancy. Just a short sleeved purple T-shirt he had found in a second hand clothes shop combined with some snazzy grey jeans he had lying around. The real uniform was actually a custom embroidered purple apron with his shop's logo and title on.

Three was definitely proud of his new outfit. He couldn't help but stand in front of the mirror and admire himself. More so than usual at least.

He struck a few poses for nobody in particular and chuckled to himself as he looked at his reflection.

"Hoo yeah... this'll definitely bring the customers in..."

The next day, business went about as usual, aside from Three absolutely owning his new outfit. He strutted around the cafe, delivering drinks and bombs like he was the hottest piece of shit in the room. And despite nobody really seeming to notice or care about the new uniform, Three's confidence remained high as he served customer after customer.

At around mid day, two of Three's most loyal regulars walked in. SMG4 and Mario. He could hear them coming from a mile away with how loud Mario's Italian gibberish was getting. Ever since he opened, these two had been consistently coming in for a coffee every single day. He was certain that they were just trying to find yet another way to barge their ways into his life. But of course, he couldn't turn down an opportunity to make money off of these suckers.

So, every day, he would reluctantly welcome them in, make their orders, and shoo them out of his shop before they had a chance to get comfortable. Surly today would be no different.

"Heya SMG3. I'll just take my usual to go please and- woah. Did you get a new outfit?" Four said, a small smile forming on his face.

SMG3 scoffed, rolling his eyes as he moved away from the table he was wiping down. Of course that idiot had to be the first person to say something...

"Yeah. Just figured this place could do with a uniform to make it more professional. What's it to you anyway?!" Three said aggressively.

Four put his hands up in defence, "Woah, hey calm down Three it was just an observation. It looks good on you!"

Three scowled at his fellow meme guardian as he scanned his face for any trace of mockery but to Four's credit, he seemed sincere. He scoffed, turning away.

"Psh. Of course it looks good on me. That shouldn't be surprising. Anyway, what did you and the idiot want to order?"

Three pulled out a small notepad and pen to take their orders as Mario peeked over his shoulder with his usual dumb smile. Three signed, knowing what was about to follow.

"No Mario. We still don't have anything spaghetti related. Pick something else."

Mario's smile instantly flipped to a frown as he cried out, "But whyyyyyyy??"

"Because we just don't! Nobody in their right mind would order spaghetti coffee! That's just not a thing!"

"It is a thing! Look, Mario will-a prove it to you."

Mario then pulled a handful of uncooked spaghetti from his pocket and began to make his way over to the coffee machine.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Three said, seeing that Mario had in mind, "There is not a chance in hell I'm letting you break my coffee machine again with your stupid pasta!"

He jumped on Mario, grabbing his arm and yanking it behind his back; restraining him as he struggled on the floor.

Usually, Four would've stepped in to help get his best friend under control but as he watched the two of them tussle, Four couldn't help the steady heat that rose to his cheeks. His eyes were drawn to the way Three's new T-shirt exposed his thick, strong, hairy arms. His subtly bit his lip as his gaze took in the entirety of Three's new look.

His apron was tied just tight enough to bring attention to the rolls of stomach fat he had. It made him look bigger, bulkier; and Four loved it. The thought of being in Mario's current position sent a shiver through Four's body. And the longer he admired, the hotter his face grew; as more and more raunchy scenarios started to uncontrollably play out in his mind.

"Ohh boy..." Four muttered quietly.

"OI! You just gonna stand there like a lemon or are you actually gonna help get this idiot under control?!" Three shouted to him, snapping him out of his daze.

"H-huh? Oh, right. Yeah sure."

After finally getting Mario to calm down, the two of them ordered their drinks and waited for them to arrive.

As they stood at the collection bay, SMG4 gradually tuned out whatever Mario was prattling on about as his eyes once again wandered back to Three's new uniform. His half ass responses to the Italian grew less and less frequent whilst he took in the hot piece of eye candy working behind the counter.

The way he seemed so focused on his craft; still keeping his usual frown as he stirred up their drinks. His jet black hair hung gracefully over his face in a way surely only SMG4 could appreciate. And whilst his back was turned, SMG4 may or may not have leaned over the counter slightly to get a better view of the way Three's cool new jeans hugged his ass.

A smirk formed on his face as he shamelessly checked out the other guardian. Eventually, Mario realised that Four wasn't listening to him.

"Es-em-gee-4! Mario is-a trying to talk to you! Stop staring at Es-em-gee-3's ass!" He said, a little too loudly.

Three whipped his head around, glaring at Four angrily, "You were WHAT?!" He yelled.

"H-hey now, I wasn't- I-I was just checking out the new uniform! Wanted to get a proper look at it you know..." Four said, trying to play off the blush on his cheeks.

Mario smirked, "Uhuh, sure, the uniform is-a what you were checking out..."

Four shot him a look that said 'Shut up' as Three came over with their drinks, slamming them down on the to-go table.

"That'll be 10 bucks." He said, a hint of anger still lingering in his tone.

"10 bucks?! But usually it's only 8! Why the price increase?" Four complained.

"That's an extra 2 buck charge for gawking at the staff. Next time, keep your eyes to yourself perv." Three snapped, although there was no real aggression behind it.

Four sighed but handed over the money anyway which Three was happy to accept.

"Alright now get out of my shop before I have to throw you out." He said grumpily.

"Oh is that a threat?" Four smirked, taking his drink.

"Holy fuck you're such a weirdo." Three groaned.

"Whaat I didn't even mean anything by it that time! Besides, I already paid the pervert fee." Four shrugged, walking away whilst still facing SMG3

"Just get out." Three sighed.

"Okay okay I'm leaving!" Four said.

He made sure to get in one last look at Three's new uniform before turning around to walk away properly. But in doing so, he accidentally tripped over a chair one of the other customers had left out. He fell to the ground, drink in hand as his newly made coffee spilt all over the floor.

"Oh you've got to be kidding me." Three complained as Four looked up at him, now covered in coffee and chuckling nervously.

"Aha... I wouldn't be able to get another one of those coffee's would I? Also, do you have a towel?"

"You're cleaning up every drop of that coffee! And you're paying for a new one!" Three shouted at him.

"Yeah yeah I will don't worry." Four sighed, picking himself up. He then thought for a moment before smirking, "Hey, if I'm cleaning up here, can I get one of those uniforms?"

Three did not look amused. He stomped over to SMG4 with mop and bucket in hand. He shoved them into the other guardian's hands with an angry glare.

"You. Clean. Now." He said, pointing to the spillage before walking away.

"Sheesh. Yes sir." Four sarcastically muttered.

"And after this you're banned from here for a week!" Three added.

"What?! Oh come on dude it was an accident!"

"An accident that wouldn't have happened if you weren't checking me out! I know I look good. I don't need you staring at me to let me know!"

"Fine! But if I'm banned then I'm gonna take my sweet time cleaning up." Four said, deliberately slowing down his mop strokes.

"Fine by me! I'll take all the free labour I can get." Three said.

"Oh I'm not doing this for free. I'm getting paid in eye candy." Four smirked as he winked at Three.

The purple SMG's face burnt hot with either anger or embarrassment as he turned away and kept making coffee's; albeit, much more tense.

"Whatever..." he muttered.

Although despite his aggression, a part of Three was glad that his new uniform hadn't gone completely unnoticed. Even if the only one who cared enough to comment on it happened to be the one guy Three didn't want commenting on it.

Man... if he knew what an outfit like this would have done to Four, he'd have changed styles ages ago.

....to steal his channel of course.

No other reason.

Nope!

None at all...

Chapter Text

Wren and Niles laid in bed together, bodies tired from the intense shootout game they had played that day. In his state of exhaustion, Niles had managed to convince Wren to stay the night in his room which usually, the cowboy would've been adamantly against. But tonight, he was just too tired to trek his way to the opposite side of the town to his own living space. So, he complied with Niles' wishes just this once.

Niles smiled smugly down at the cowboy whose head was resting on his arm. A small feeling of victory settled inside him as he appreciated the feeling of having his companion so close.

Having Wren in his bed was a rare thing. Perhaps only happening once every few months or so? The guy wasn't all that big on pda (despite the fact there was no one in this western town but them) so Niles tended to have a hard time getting him close. To him, it just made these moments all the more special.

He sighed longingly, bringing a hand to Wren's cheek as he began to stroke the dark grey tentacle-hair that hung in front of Wren's ear.

"You enjoying yourself there?" Wren grumbled sarcastically.

"Oh I very much am, thank you for asking~" Niles responded with a smirk, causing Wren to roll his eyes and scoff in annoyance. However he didn't push Niles away as the virus continued to play with his 'hair'.

The two found themselves just existing in this peaceful silence together. Wren simply tolerated Niles' physical affection whilst Niles made sure to appreciate every second of the moment.

Niles sighed, leaning his head on Wren's and holding him close.

"I love you..." he mumbled wistfully.

As soon as the words had been spoken, Wren froze; his body tense as a sudden uneasiness washed over him. He kept his head down, making sure to avert his eyes from the virus.

"Don't just say that..." he muttered.

"Say what?" Niles cocked his head, "That I love you?"

"Yes, that. You can't just say things like that Niles."

"Well why the hell not? It's true enough."

"No. It's not." Wren said harshly.

"Sure it is! I like being around you, you like being around me. We're pretty much alone in this place so there's no one else to spend eternity with. What's the harm in telling you that I love you?" Niles argued.

"The harm is that 'love' isn't just one of those words you can throw around. It's serious. It's more than just putting up with each other when nobody else is around. It's devotion, dedication, all that crap. And whatever the hell we have sure as hell isn't love."

Niles frowned at this, "What makes you think I'm not devoted? I'll have you know I am extremely devoted to you."

Wren scoffed, "Uh huh, sure." He said sarcastically.

"It's true!" Niles insisted before pulling Wren closer, tilting his chin to look up at him, "Hopelesslyyy de-voted to youuu~" he sang with a teasing smirk.

Wren visibly cringed, pushing Niles away from him as the virus chuckled.

"Eugh. Shut up..." he grumbled, making Niles laugh slightly as he pulled Wren right back in.

"Alright cowboy, if what we have isn't love then what the hell is going on between us?"

Wren groaned, "I don't know Niles! I guess it's more... companionship? Sure, it beats being alone but that doesn't mean we're in love with each other. It's just a matter of circumstance."

"Circumstance? Really? That's all this is to you?"

"Oh come on Niles. You and I both know the only reason we're like this is because there is literally nobody else to spend time with. If we had gone to the good part of the afterlife with everyone else then we would barely acknowledge each other." Wren huffed.

"Eh, I don't know... I think we would've still worked." Niles shrugged.

Wren let out a scoff, "Yeah, alright you keep telling yourself that pretty boy."

"You know what? I will keep telling myself that." Niles said. He then gave Wren a devious smirk as he continued talking, "I'll also keep telling myself that I looove you and we're so in loooove and we're gonna looove each other forever and ever and that you're my cute little squid boyfriend who I loooove so, so much!"

Niles patronisingly pinched Wren's cheek as he put on a mushy voice to piss of the inkling. It worked; meaning Niles was swiftly, and harshly, elbowed in the gut, causing him to curl in on himself out of pain.

"God, you're so annoying!" Wren shouted, moving away from Niles' embrace to lie on the other side of the bed; his back to the virus.

After recovering from the blow, Niles chuckled to himself and followed Wren to the new side of the bed. He carefully snuck a hand over Wren's waist and once he was sure he heard no protest from the cowboy, he pulled him closer so that Wren's back was pressed against his own front. Wren let out a small irritated huff but made no effort to stop the action as he quickly became accustomed to the warmth of his companion's embrace.

Niles made himself comfortable, resting his head in the crook of Wren's neck as he hugged him from behind. A small part of the cowboy was tempted to say he liked the contact but the logical part of him would never dare say that out loud.

Niles sighed, "Look, if I can't say 'I love you', can I at least say I care about you? Because I know it doesn't seem like it but... well, you're important to me Wren. And even if what we have isn't necessarily love, I don't want to pretend that it's nothing, y'know?"

Wren was quiet as he thought over the proposition before releasing a heavy breath.

"Fine." He said, reluctantly.

Niles smiled at the answer, holding Wren a little closer as he did so.

"Great. Then I care about you Wren. A lot."

He sat up, gave the cowboy a small kiss on the cheek, and then laid back down with a smug smile. Wren rolled his eyes at the action but settled back into Niles' embrace regardless. It was nice after all.

"I care about you too..." he eventually muttered, barely audible.

Niles heard it though. His lips tugged upwards in a smile but he said nothing. Instead, he decided to just relax and enjoy the moment with the inkling he cared so deeply about.

Chapter Text

Puzzles hummed contently to himself as he picked up the collection of stray magazines cluttering the living room table. Cleanliness and organisation was something this household seemed to struggle with. That wasn't surprising though, considering the household was made up of Mr Puzzles - whose office was constantly filled with stray bits of paper and scripts - and Mario, possibly the most chaotic man in the whole mushroom kingdom.

But, recently, Mario had been out of the house a lot more to record scenes for an upcoming Nintendo game. Puzzles figured that whilst he had the house to himself, he may as well tidy up. So, tidy he did. He spent the whole day going through and organising all of the separate rooms in their home. The bedroom, the kitchen, the living room, his office, the bathroom, everything!! It was all clean and neat, just how it should be.

Puzzles was just finishing off taking out the trash when finally, Mario came home. The adware smiled brightly at his partner, only for his gaze to soften as he got a proper look at him.

He looked exhausted. Like every drop of enthusiasm and motivation had been sucked from him. Puzzles watched as he stumbled his way to the living room and then proceeded to collapse on the couch; letting out a groan.

The adware sighed, pausing his current task and making his way through to the living room where his partner resided.

"Welcome home dear, how did it go?" Puzzles asked softly, though he was sure he already knew the answer.

"It was-a horrible..." Mario said, his voice muffled by the couch cushions. 

"Aw... I'm sorry to hear that." Puzzles said.

He took a seat next to Mario on the couch, removing the Italian's hat so he could gently run his fingers through his hair. Mario leaned into the touch, sighing contently at the feeling.

"It was just a lot..." Mario said, "For starters, Mr Miyamoto made Mario re-do his signature jump at least 100 times because it 'wasn't quite right'. And then, after forcing Mario to jump in place for hours, they just ended up using the first take anyway! I mean come on! Mario has-a been doing this for years! Of course he knows how to jump!!" 

Puzzles let out a hum of acknowledgement as he continued to calmly stroke his boyfriend's hair.

"And then, Mario had to complete some insane obstacle course to test if it was playable. Which of course, it wasn't, So Mario had to do that a bunch of times until Miyamoto finally agreed to make it easier for the players sake..."

"Oh that's dreadful..." Puzzles agreed.

"Right!? Oh and-a get this. The game has a stupid amount of levels, meaning that Mario's-a gotta keep going to these things for months! Can you-a believe that!?"

"Mmm... I'm truly sorry to hear that my dear. But I suppose that's just the life of a star..."

Mario groaned at this, "But Mario doesn't want to be a star! It sucks! Mario wants to spend time with his friends. And with-a you TV man..."

The Italian looked up at Puzzles with a tired but sweet smile. Puzzles returned to look, leaning down to plant a single static kiss on Mario's forehead.

"Just stick it out for a little bit longer and then you're free for the next few years. In the grand scheme of things, it'll be worth it."

"Mario knows..." he mumbled, "Mario just wishes he was free now. Working for Nintendo makes-a Mario so tired..."

"I know..." Puzzles said softly.

He looked down at the exhausted man on his lap, trying to think of a way to make him feel better. After a short while, he finally had one.

He smiled at his boyfriend, "Hey, I think I have a way to help you wind down from your day of work."

"Oh yeah? How's-a Mario supposed to do that?"

Puzzles grinned, his screen bright as he gradually, bit by bit, began to pull his spindly limbs into his TV head. After no more than a minute, he was entirely a TV.

"Ta daa! Now please dear, just allow yourself to get comfortable and relax." The TV instructed.

Mario did as he was told and then looked at the adware with a sweet smile, ready for his next instructions.

 "Perfect." the adware said.

Puzzles' screen then blurred with static for a split second as the projected image of Puzzles' face was replaced by a random episode of one of Mario's favourite shows.

Mario was instantly engrossed in the show, much to Puzzles' delight.

"Remember, if you get sick of the show at any point you're more than welcome to change the channel." Puzzles informed him.

Mario glanced at the dials on the side of Puzzles head. He had been with him long enough to know how to work his TV boyfriend's head. In fact, he was quite the expert.

That's why Mario didn't hesitate for a second when in his exhausted state, he reached out and turned Puzzles' dial; flipping the screen back to his face.

"Mmm.. that show's alright but Mario would rather watch this one~ It's nicer to look at..."

Puzzles felt a red line shoot across his screen in a blush as he looked away.

"Aha... my, aren't you sweet." He said.

Mario beamed at the adware, smiling sweetly as Puzzles' limbs began to slowly unfold from his head.

"Ah... you're-a Mario's favourite channel by far~" he sighed lovingly.

Puzzles' screen blushed once again at the compliment. With his limbs fully unfolded, Mr Puzzles securely wrapped them around Mario's body; holding him close as the Italian swiftly drifted off to sleep. 

Mr Puzzles left one more affectionate zap on Mario's cheek as he proceeded to change his TV head to sleep mode. He was also quite exhausted from cleaning up the entire house. and he still had a few menial chores left to complete. Ah well, that could be a problem for future Puzzles. Because right now, present Puzzles had decided to enjoy a well deserved nap alongside his partner, Mario. And by god was he going to enjoy it...

Chapter Text

Mr WPNZ growled as he blew another guard's face clean off, adding to the trail of bodies behind him as he brute-forced his way through the prison.

"Ugh, this is ridiculous," he grumbled to himself, killing another guard without a sliver of hesitation. "Who the hell does this guy think he is? Telling me to barge into this place and kill anyone who stands in my way! What does he take me for, some kind of murder machine?!"

As he said that, Mr WPNZ switched his hand to a chainsaw and brutally dug the spinning blade into the chest of an officer as he held him beneath him boot. Deep red blood splattered all over him and once the man had stopped struggling, WPNZ's hand returned to normal.

The mercenary chuckled, "Well... I guess he's not far off."

The 'guy' WPNZ was taking orders from had reached out to him about 2 months ago via a massive billboard projection. Said his name was 'Mr Puzzles' and that he was looking for a friend. The he knew what WPNZ's struggles felt like and that ultimately, the two of them were after the same thing. Revenge.

WPNZ was definitely skeptical at first but after Mr Puzzles hacked several machines to help rebuild WPNZ's damaged body, the gunman felt as though he could trust him enough to meet face to face.

Annoyingly, Mr Puzzles had failed to mention his face was currently locked up in a maximum security prison. What a pain. But, this job was nothing to a skilled assassin like Mr WPNZ. He knew the guards here didn't stand a chance against him. Sooner or later, the surviving officers would get the picture and just let him walk right on through to his desired cell.

Sure enough, about half an hour later, the few soldiers left alive had surrendered to the merc. They cleared a path for him and the gunman was able to stroll right through the prison without issue.

Once he finally arrived at Puzzles' cell, before tearing down the door and setting this manic free, Mr WPNZ took a quick glance at Mr Puzzles' criminal synopsis attached to the wall next to the cell door.

He grabbed the papers and his eyes scanned the summary of Puzzles' crimes and personality. He wanted to know what exactly he was getting himself into of course.

"Okay let's see... he's charged with mass brainwashing, property destruction, several counts of attempted murder... hmm..." WPNZ wasn't all too concerned with Puzzles' crimes. He himself had surly done much more terrible things over the years. He was hardly one to judge a man for his crimes.

"He's got a TV head, primarily wears designer clothing, ...fruity personality... huh."

WPNZ glanced up at the hard steel door that separated him and this mysterious Puzzles character. Alarm bells in his head were ringing like crazy but by this point he'd come too far to turn back now. Puzzles seemed to be his only option if he wanted to get back at Katana. Also, he owed the guy for fixing him up.

Mr WPNZ sighed and aimed his canon-fist at the door.

"What am I getting myself into?" He muttered before pulling the trigger and blasting the door right off its hinges.

Once the smoke from the blast cleared WPNZ was met with the sight of a white padded cell with a single restraint bed in the middle of it. Tied to the bed was a lanky figure dressed in the bright orange uniform of the prison.

Mr Puzzles.

He brought out a smaller gun as a precaution and slowly approached the man, who by now had definitely noticed his presence.

"Ah... I was wondering when you were going to make an appearance." The TV man said. His tone was light but there was a clear underlying sense of insanity in the way he spoke.

WPNZ remained silent whilst he inched closer to Mr Puzzles; inspecting his cyborg body closely as he stepped into Puzzles' line of sight.

The TV giggled softly as he saw him, "There he is... be a dear and cut me loose will you?"

WPNZ gave him a perplexed look for a brief moment before switching his gun hand out for a blade and obliging Puzzles' request.

"So, you're the guy who picked me up from my low point, huh?" The assassin asked. It was more of a statement than a question.

As soon as he cut the last leather strap, the TV man jolted upright and threw his legs over the side of the 'bed'. Puzzles let out a satisfied sigh as he allowed himself to stretch his limbs for the first time in months.

"Ohh you have no idea how bad I needed that... let me tell you, being restrained to a small bed for half a year is not a fun experience. I would not recommend it in the slightest."

He turned to finally get a proper look at Mr WPNZ but surprisingly enough, the gunman was already doing the same to him. His face implied a mix of curiosity and confusion about the adware's biology. Especially around his head.

"That's... definitely not what I was expecting..." WPNZ stated.

"What do you mean by that?" Puzzles asked.

"Just... everything. I don't know, when you first contacted me, I guess I was expecting you to be a little more intimidating in person or something."

Puzzles chuckled, "Well, if it's any consolation, I was expecting you to be quite a bit taller. You come across so powerful when you fight! Who'd have guessed you're just barely above waist height compared to me?"

"Ohh ho ho, is that right? Alright Jigsaw, why don't you stand up and we'll see how true that really is?" WPNZ challenged him with an angry frown.

"Oh please WPNZ, I wouldn't want to embarrass you on our first meeting. Let's get to know each other a bit before that." Puzzles smirked.

Mr WPNZ rolled his eyes and let out a scoff. "I'm not interested in being all 'buddy-buddy' with you, Puzzles. I'm just here to hold up my end of the bargain. Once I bust you out and help you with that thing you mentioned, we go our separate ways. Got it?"

Puzzles sighed longingly, "Fine, if this must be strictly transactional then so be it. What a shame too... I was here thinking I may have finally found a friend who gets me..."

"Yeah well keep dreaming pal. Because I'm not really a 'friendly' type of guy."

"So I've heard." Puzzles muttered. He looked towards the now destroyed entrance to his cell before turning his attention back on WPNZ.

"Do you have a plan on getting us out of here?" He asked

"Pssh, duh. We'll just get out the same way I got in!"

At that moment, a blaring alarm sounded throughout the prison's radio system, alerting all nearby officers to the break in area. The two villain shared a look as they could already hear the thundering footsteps of several armed guards approaching their cell.

Puzzles frowned at WPNZ, "Couldn't you have been at least a little subtle on your way in?"

"Well excuuuuse me for trying to get this shit over and done with! Never exactly been a fan of prisons so I was kinda hoping we'd be outta here already." Mr WPNZ huffed and swapped out his regular hand for a machine gun, "Whatever. Just keep behind me. I'll plough through these idiots and have us out of here in no time."

Mr Puzzles gave a firm nod and hopped off of the bed. However, as soon as he put weight on his legs, the collapsed right beneath him. The adware yelped and fell to the ground, his legs limply curled up beside him.

WPNZ furrowed his brown in frustration, "Oh you've gotta be kidding me... what is it now?"

Puzzles chuckled nervously, "Aha... it seems the months in captivity have weakened my limbs more than I had anticipated. I don't think I'll be able to stand on my own two feet-!"

Before Puzzles had even finished his sentence, Mr WPNZ had already stomped over to him and scooped him up into his arms with ease.

"God, do I have to do everything around here?!" He growled aggressively.

The gunman charged out of the cell, carrying Puzzles bridal-style as he bulldozed his way back out through the prison. No matter how many guards unleashed a swarm of bullets upon him, WPNZ deflected them away from him and Mr Puzzles with ease.

He switched to holding the adware with just one arm as he used his other hand to take down more and more prison guards.

"I bet you just love being an inconvenience don't you Puzzles?" He snarled at the adware.

"Excuse you! I would have been happy to walk out of here on my own. I just needed a few minutes to recuperate and- BEHIND YOU!" He yelled out.

Mr WPNZ didn't waste a second as he shot a canon from the bottom of his boot at a group of approaching officers behind him.

"Yeah, yeah I got it! I think I know how to do my job just fine without your commentary." WPNZ snapped.

The hitman looked around at the prison as more and more guards filed into the room he was fighting in. They must have called in for reinforcements...

Even for a guy as skilled as Mr WPNZ, it would be near impossible to take out every single guard whilst preventing Mr Puzzles from getting shot. There were just too many of them.

WPNZ grunted in frustration and fired a rocket up to the roof of the prison, creating an opening for them to escape through. He hated fleeing from a fight but even a professional had to know when to call it quits.

"Make sure you're holding on tight! I'm gonna get us out of the shithole." He warned Puzzles.

The adware did as he was told and wrapped his arms securely around WPNZ's neck. The hitman's grip on Puzzles' waist got noticeably stronger as WPNZ fired up the rocket launchers in his boots and blasted the two of them out of there.

Stray bullets bounced off of WPNZ's metal limbs and within a matter of seconds, the villain duo were gone.

Two of the guards, Chris and Swag, stared at the giant hold created by WPNZ, as well as the trail of bodies left behind him.

"Dammit." Swag groaned, "The Sargent is going to be so pissed with us..."