Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The waves crash and ebb and flow, their rhythm steady and unchanging. You watch them from the shore, your small frame bundled in a puffy jacket against the cold, windy morning. The ocean is vast, endless, and it makes you feel small in a way that’s almost comforting. You think about how the waves, if they grew big enough, could sweep away everything in the town, the houses, the streets, the people. It’s a strange thought, but it comforts you in a way you can’t quite explain. Maybe it’s the idea that something so powerful exists, something that could erase all the little things that make your chest ache. The ocean doesn’t care about soccer games or friendships or the way Rin glares at you when you fumble the ball. It just is.

The beach is quiet now, the tourist season having died down. The emptiness is a relief; there are no crowds to overwhelm you, no voices to drown out the sound of the ocean. You’ve wandered away from your friends, though you aren’t sure why. They’re playing soccer on the field, laughing and shouting, but you feel no desire to join them. It’s not like you should either. Sae would be far too critical, pointing out your every flaw, while Rin would get angry at you for not instantly understanding. You’re not very good at soccer, too clumsy, too slow. You would trip over the ball, barely able to pass or score. You have no place in their dreams of becoming the world’s best strikers. You cheer from the sidelines as best you can, of course. From here, they look like figures in a dream, lost in their own little world, a world you don’t belong to.

Your gaze drifts to the two boys at the centre of the game. Sae and Rin. They move together like they share a single mind, their passes sharp and precise, their laughter ringing out in unison. Sae could always give Rin the perfect pass, and Rin would score without fail. Sometimes, when you see the way Rin looks at Sae, his eyes teal wide with admiration, his smile bright and blinding, you’re reminded of the way your mother looks at your father. It’s a silly thought, you know. They’re brothers, after all. Rin looks up to Sae more than anything in the world. But still, the comparison lingers, like a shadow you can’t quite shake.

You feel awfully lonely. You’re not mature or grown or super smart yet, but you feel like maybe you’re not supposed to feel so alone when you’re with your friends. You shift your gaze back to the sea, shivering a little even in your puffy jacket. Your mom had wrapped you up tightly, but you still feel a deep chill. Maybe you should head back home early.

Your name cuts through the air, sharp and angry. You look over and see Rin, his face sour, with Sae close behind. “Why’d you run from the field? We’re still playing,” Rin demands, his tone laced with frustration. He can’t understand why you’d ever stop watching his nii-chan play.

“I didn’t feel that well and wanted to look at the ocean,” you lie, the words slipping off your tongue easily. You don’t think you should say that you feel empty and lonely while watching them play. Sae looks at you as if he can tell you’re lying and steps forward to grab your hand.

“You should head back home then, instead of staying out where it’s cold. Your hand is freezing, by the way,” he says, taking your hand in his. It makes your stomach flip a little, his hand is warm, probably from playing on the field.

“Come on, let’s get you home before you get sick for real,” he says, dragging you along. Rin, not wanting to be left out, grabs Sae’s other free hand. The three of you walk with Sae in the middle, the glue that holds you together.

You were younger than Sae by a year and a year older than Rin. You felt like you were placed in between them but also like you never really belonged. Rin had hated you when you first met, maybe he still did, and Sae seemed to accept you, but you didn’t know why. It always felt like it wasn’t real with you, not like it was with Rin.

You were a bit of a loner, like Rin, but you didn’t have many friends. It wasn’t like you were destructive, like Rin constantly injuring himself or smashing toys. You were just quiet and shy. It was even a wonder you got on Sae’s radar. Everyone knew about Sae in town. People would try to interview him after his soccer games. Japan’s future treasure, the boy genius, a prodigy. You knew Sae didn’t like it. He would always tell reporters at his games to piss off or wear a sour look when one of his classmates said the same. He had a sharp tongue and knew how to use it well.

“You’re really bad at soccer, you know,” Rin said suddenly, his voice cutting through the quiet. “Like, worse than I thought. You can’t even kick the ball straight.”

You flinch, your cheeks burning. “I know,” you mumble, staring at the ground. “I’m not trying to play. I just like watching.”

“Then why’d you even come?” Rin shot back, his tone sharp. “If you’re not gonna play, what’s the point?”

Sae sighs, his grip on your hand tightening slightly. “Rin, leave her alone. She’s not hurting anyone.”

Rin glares at Sae, his jaw tightening. “Whatever. I’m just saying, she’s wasting our time.”

Your chest tightens, and you pull your hand free from Sae’s grasp. “I’ll just go home,” you say quietly, your voice barely above a whisper. “You don’t have to walk me.”

Sae stops, turning to look at you with an unreadable expression. “Don’t be stupid,” he says, his voice calm but firm. “You’ll get sick if you stay out here too long.”

You want to argue, to tell him you don’t need his pity, but the words catch in your throat. Instead, you nod, letting him take your hand again. Rin mutters something under his breath, but you can’t make out the words.

As you walk, you can’t shake the feeling that you’re intruding on something, something you aren’t meant to see. The way Rin looks at Sae, the way Sae seems to tolerate your presence but never truly embrace it, it all feels wrong, like a puzzle with pieces that don’t quite fit.

When you reach your house, Sae lets go of your hand, his expression unreadable. “Get some rest,” he says, his tone neutral. “Don’t stay out in the cold anymore.”

You nod, your throat tight. “Thanks,” you whisper, though you aren’t sure what you’re thanking him for. For walking you home? For defending you against Rin? For pretending to care?

As you watch them walk away, Rin’s hand slipping back into Sae’s, you feel a pang of something you can’t name. Loneliness? Jealousy? You aren’t sure. All you know is that you don’t belong, not with them, not with anyone.

Chapter Text

You try to remember how you first met Sae and Rin. You had just moved in across the street from them after your seventh birthday. You had seen them outside your window while playing with your dolls in your room. You wanted to reach out and maybe make new friends, but in the end, you were too shy and scared of being rejected. Your parents were fighting again, something that didn’t happen often, but when it did, it felt like the world was ending to you. It was confusing to think about how two people who loved each other so much could also hurt each other so deeply. You slipped out into the new neighbourhood to escape the noise.

It was different here, closer to the sea, your dad had said. "Living near the ocean is good for you," he reassured you, trying to calm your sobs about leaving behind your friends, your grandparents, and everything you loved.

Kamakura felt foreign to you. You definitely felt like an outsider. Kiso, surrounded by mountains and trees, was home—a place where everyone knew you. But Kamakura was a bustling coastal town, a popular tourist destination that always felt so loud compared to the tranquility of Kiso.

At school, it was even harder. Everyone already seemed to have their friends and groups, while you were just the new girl who arrived halfway through the term. You were quiet and shy, and unlike in Kiso, where making friends had been easy, reaching out in this new place felt daunting. You liked going to see the ocean; the waves were comforting in a way.

You remember now, while watching the ocean from a spot that wasn’t too busy, a soccer ball hit you straight in the back of your head. Your face slammed into the divider, and your body blanked out for a moment.

“Ow,” you muttered out in a daze. Your nose hurt, and you could feel blood gushing out. You sat against the rail on the ground, confused about what to do. Two boys came running up.

“Rin, I told you your shots were getting shoddy,” the older, taller one said. He was the taller of the two, with red-pink hair and blunt bangs, teal eyes staring at you intensely. You thought he was really cute. The younger one looked at Sae like his world had ended. He was a lot shorter than the older one, and you wondered if he was younger than you. His face looked like a squishy piece of mochi, topped with dark green hair and bangs that covered the left side of his eye. Both of them had pretty teal eyes. Maybe they were brothers, you thought in a daze.

The older one, Sae, stared at you for a moment before stating bluntly, “Your nose is bleeding.” You opened your mouth to respond, but no words came out. Your head felt heavy, and your thoughts were muddled. Sae knelt down, his teal eyes studying you intently. He pulled out a handkerchief with seagulls on it and began wiping the blood from your face. “Thank you,” you mumbled, your voice shaky.

Rin’s face scrunched up in displeasure. He couldn’t believe his brother was using his handkerchief on some random girl. Nii-chan never does that for anyone but me, he thought, his jealousy simmering just beneath the surface.

Sae held out his hand. “Aren’t you going to take it?” he asked, his tone matter-of-fact. “Oh, um, sorry,” you stammered, awkwardly placing your hand in his. His grip was warm, and it sent a strange flutter through your stomach. He helped you to your feet, his movements steady and sure.

Rin, however, was less than pleased. “You’re the weird girl who watches us from the window,” he said, his voice dripping with disdain. All he knew was that you were stealing his nii-chan’s attention, and he hated it. The handkerchief, the gentle way Sae had wiped your face, it was disgusting, gross, awful! Your cheeks burned, and you wished the waves would swallow you whole.

“Rin, don’t be rude,” Sae said casually. “She’s new in town and probably just wanted to see what we were doing.” You still felt awful, your nose throbbing and your head spinning. “I should go home,” you said quietly, trying to escape before Rin’s venomous tongue could strike again.

Sae took your hand before you could protest. “If you’re injured, you shouldn’t walk home alone. Come on, Rin and I will take you.” He didn’t give you a chance to refuse. Rin followed closely, his small hand gripping Sae’s other hand tightly. Every so often, you caught him glaring at you, his face scrunched up in a scowl. Despite his anger, you couldn’t help but think he looked cute, like a pouting mochi. There’s no way that face could ever be intimidating, you thought.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The memory fades, and now you’re on the swing, no longer seven, but nine (and definitely more mature and insightful). You’re no longer the new girl, but you still don’t feel like you belong in Kamakura at all. You miss Kiso so much, but even going back didn’t feel the same. When you went to visit your grandparents, the town was different. Your favourite bakery closed down, your favourite swing had been replaced. Even your friends had changed. It didn’t feel like you’d been in Kamakura for long, but now even what you thought was home made you feel like a stranger.

You look over and see Rin practising his kicks on the field. It was weird and awkward between the two of you with Sae not around. He somehow had a dentist appointment, leaving you alone with Rin. Rin didn’t seem to want you around at all, but at the same time, if you tried to leave him alone or went away, he’d get angry. Boys were confusing, especially Rin.

You swing on the swing to distract yourself from the thoughts. You hated how nowhere really felt like home.

Your peaceful swinging is interrupted by some kid coming up behind you and pushing you off the swing. You land painfully on your backside, your hands hitting the floor. Your eyes well up with tears.

“I should’ve just gone home,” you say, regretting coming out.

“Sorry, didn’t see you there,” the boy sneers, his tone anything but apologetic. “Maybe if you weren’t so forgettable, it wouldn’t happen.” His friends laugh, and your cheeks burn with humiliation.

Thwack!

Before more could be said, a soccer ball slammed him right in the face. Rin runs up to you, furious.

“What do you lukewarm bastards think you’re doing?” he shouts, his anger clear on his face. It wasn’t the anger you were used to when you stole Sae’s attention away. It was different.

“Mess with her again, and I’ll kill you,” Rin adds. He might have been smaller, but the venom in his voice was real, and the boys ran as fast as they could, clearly terrified of the freaky Itoshi kid.

After they ran off, Rin kneels in front of you and looks at you.

“You’re crying,” he points out.

You immediately try to wipe your eyes. “I’m not,” you lie.

Rin reaches into his pocket and pulls out his own handkerchief, something you rarely saw him with, considering how often Sae pulled his out to wipe away Rin’s drool. It had little owls on it. He takes it and wipes your tears away anyway.

You were still bigger than him, but he took your hand and forced you to stand, dragging you back to the swing.

“If those lukewarm nobodies mess with you again, tell me and Sae, and we’ll take care of it, okay?” he mutters. He gently pushes you on the swing, and for once, you didn’t feel so alone.

“Just this once. I still have to be the number two striker, you know,” he says, pushing you on the swing, ignoring his soccer duties for a moment to make you feel less alone in the world.

Chapter Text

You were ten years old now, Rin was nine, and Sae was eleven. Valentine’s Day was just around the corner, and the air was thick with anticipation. For weeks, the girls in your class had been whispering about who they would give chocolates to, their giggles and blushes filling the classroom. You, however, had been dreading it. Valentine’s Day was supposed to be about expressing gratitude and affection, but for you, it felt like another reminder of how out of place you were.

It was the night before Valentine’s Day, and your mom was helping you make homemade chocolates.You enjoyed the process, from the careful melting to the precise tempering, and the way the rich aroma of chocolate filled the kitchen. It was a small act of love, one you poured your heart into. Your mom tasted a bit of the melted chocolate from the bowl and smiled. “Mhm, just a bit too sweet, Name-chan,” she said. “Sae and Rin don’t have your sweet tooth,” she added, reaching for some dark chocolate. “Don’t be sad, it’s easy to fix,” she reassured you, guiding your hands as she melted the dark chocolate. “Here’s a little trick to give it a richer flavor,” she explained, her movements steady and confident. You watched her closely, like she was revealing a hidden secret.

She grabbed some instant coffee from the cabinet—something you’d never have, of course. Your dad always said caffeine would stunt your growth. Still, you’d watched your mom make it every morning for herself and your father when she prepared breakfast for the family. She opened the packet and added it to the chocolate filling. “This will give it a good flavor; it won’t taste like coffee at all,” she explained, answering your unspoken question. You thought coffee tasted bitter, gross, and icky, and you doubted you’d ever like it.

Your mom helped you temper the chocolate, and then you were ready to make your designs for Rin and Sae. You made chocolates shaped like soccer balls for both of them. After all, soccer was the number one thing in their lives, besides each other, of course. Well, you thought you were part of their lives now too, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that they were hiding something, though you weren’t sure what.

When you finished the soccer ball chocolates, your mom started cleaning up, but you didn’t stop making chocolates. “Name-chan, are you making chocolates for someone else too?” she teased with a glint in her eye. Your face heated up as you pouted. “I’m making them for a boy in my class, but it doesn’t mean anything,” you quickly added, hoping to escape your mom’s teasing.

“Oh, it doesn’t mean anything?” she sang, teasing you even more. “Homemade chocolates are very different from store-bought ones,” she said, making you blush even more. “He’s just really nice and helpful! I’m making chocolates for him, but I don’t have a crush on him!” You wanted your mom to leave the room, even though your stomach fluttered when you thought about Yuta Tadaka. He was a plain-looking boy in your class, but he always seemed to notice you. He made sure to include you in activities with everyone else. He didn’t think you were weird or shy, and he didn’t roll his eyes when you talked about how much you loved Sailor Moon or how you enjoyed history lessons, especially the Edo period, something everyone else seemed to half-sleep through in Mizako-sensei’s class.

You wanted to make him a nice piece of chocolate too. Sae and Rin wouldn’t know, after all, they were in different grades and different classes.Your chocolates were done now: two soccer balls and one shaped like a sword. Your mom kept trying to ask about the third chocolate, but you kept your lips sealed.

The next morning came sooner than expected. You woke up early to pack your chocolates into carefully crafted packages. You had a feeling Rin and Sae wouldn’t care too much about them, but it was an obligation all the same. You carried your backpack, rushing out the door. Even though you woke up early, you were still late meeting up with Sae and Rin.

Sae was waiting patiently, while Rin looked slightly annoyed. “What took you so long?” Rin asked, his chubby face scrunching up as his teal eyes glared at you. “We would’ve left if you didn’t show up soon.”

Your cheeks flushed, but you retorted, “It’s Valentine’s Day, I had to get my chocolates ready, you know?”

Sae sighed and grabbed your hand, dragging you along. “Enough, we have to get to school before we’re late.” He always had the final say, shutting down any further arguments. You held his hand while Rin grabbed Sae's other free hand, and the three of you walked to school together.

The school was near, and before the three of you could enter, you stopped them to pull out their chocolates from your bag. They'd both be getting a lot of chocolates today after all. Sae didn’t really care and was rude to pretty much everyone, but would still accept chocolates, usually picking the ones that either Rin or you would enjoy. Meanwhile, Rin would often dismiss people, saying they were wasting his time, because he was too focused on becoming the number two striker in the world.

You gave Sae his chocolate, who accepted it with a nod. His expression was unreadable, but at least he wasn’t rude about it, which made you feel a little better. The voice in your head whispered, He could at least acknowledge the effort you put in. You handed Rin his chocolate, and he opened it immediately, voicing his opinion right away.

“It looks better than last year,” he remarked. Your eye twitched slightly. Both brothers had little to no tact and no problem critiquing something you put your heart into. Rin took a bite of the soccer ball-shaped chocolate. “This is pretty good, but it’s still too sweet,” he said, scrunching up his chubby little cheeks.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you said numbly. This is how it always was with them, and you were a little worried it would always be this way.

Sae looked at your upset mood but didn’t say anything. He took his seagull handkerchief and wiped the chocolate off Rin’s face. “C’mon, we should head inside,” he said, commanding and expecting both you and Rin to follow his lead. You took off your shoes at your cubby, changed into your indoor shoes, and headed to your class. You still had Yuta to think about. Your stomach fluttered. You knew he would be kind and thoughtful, just like he always was with you.

The day dragged on, and you kept stealing glances at Yuta from the corner of your eyes. You felt like you were overthinking everything. When would you get the chance to give him your chocolate? The day was almost over, and you still hadn’t given it to him. You’d watched as others around you gave chocolates, and you’d heard that Sae had gotten over a hundred chocolates, barely acknowledging any of them. Rin had rejected every chocolate he was given, rude and cold as always.

You knew you should feel grateful that you were part of their world and that they accepted your chocolate. But it hurt. You cared about them, tried to be a good friend, and really liked them. But it always felt like you were a bother in their eyes, and yet you weren’t allowed to leave. It made your head spin. You saw Yuta laughing with his friends, and you knew that you would give him his chocolates at the end of the day when you were at your cubby.

The end of the day arrived, and you felt like you were sweating bullets. But you had to do it. You saw Yuta by his cubby and started walking towards him. Why am I doing this? you thought. He's just going to say they're too sweet, and they're ugly. Oh god, I’m so stupid. Thoughts raced in your head as your body betrayed every voice telling you to turn around and hide, but you kept walking toward him, chocolates in hand.

“Yut—Yuta-san,” you stuttered out. He looked up and smiled, just like he always did.

“Hey, oh, are those for me?” he said with his warm smile, his brown eyes shining with kindness. “I haven’t gotten chocolates from a girl before.” You nodded shyly, unable to say anything coherent as you started to hand him the chocolates you made for him.

Before you could give him the chocolates, it felt like a hand gripped your wrist out of nowhere. An icy tone, with a face that showed cruelty, spoke. “What do you think you’re doing?” His harsh expression made your stomach drop. Sae’s teal eyes looked like they could kill the two of you on the spot.

Rin, not far behind him, wore an expression that stripped away any cuteness his chubby face might have had.

“Sae...” you stuttered. “I—I was just—”

“I can see what you were doing,” Sae interrupted, his tone cold. He stepped closer, his gaze flickering to Yuta before returning to you. “You already gave us chocolates. Why are you giving him one too?”

You flinched, your cheeks burning with embarrassment. “I… I just wanted to thank him,” you said quietly, barely above a whisper. “He’s been nice to me.”

Sae’s eyes narrowed, and for a moment, you thought he might say something cruel. But instead, he just shook his head, his expression hardening. “You don’t need to thank people for being nice to you,” he said, his voice low and firm. “Especially not like this.”

Yuta, the ever kind soul who now looked a little intimidated, cut in. “It’s just chocolates, she hasn’t done anything wrong,” he defended you.

Sae’s gaze snapped to Yuta, his eyes cold and piercing. “Stay out of this,” he said, his voice sharp enough to make Yuta flinch. “This doesn’t concern you.”

Rin, who had been silent and glaring until now, stepped forward. “Yeah, back off,” he muttered, irritation lacing his tone. “She’s not your friend.”

You felt your chest tighten, and you clenched your fist at your side. “Stop,” you said, your voice trembling with a mix of anger and humiliation. “You’re making a scene.”

Sae ignored you, his attention fixed solely on Yuta. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll leave her alone,” he said, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Yuta glanced at you, his expression filled with confusion and concern. “I… I didn’t mean to cause trouble,” he said, his voice faltering. “I’ll just… go.”

Even though Sae still gripped your wrist, you used your free hand to grab the chocolates and handed them to Yuta. “Wait, take the chocolates,” you said, your voice shaking but full of determination. “I made them for you. It would be a waste.”

He took the chocolates, his fingers brushing yours for a moment before he left. You were left standing with Rin and Sae, and a few curious classmates nearby, all watching the drama unfold.

Tears welled up in your eyes. “Why did you do that?” you said angrily, your voice cracking. “He was just being nice to me.”

Sae’s expression didn’t change. His gaze was steady and unyielding. “You don’t need him,” he said simply. “You have us.”

You stared at him, frustration and hurt welling up inside you. “But you don’t even like me,” you said, your voice breaking. “You both barely pay attention to me or want to hear me talk.”

Sae didn’t respond, his silence speaking volumes. Rin, who had been standing quietly beside him, finally spoke up, his tone bitter. “Yeah, well, maybe if you weren’t so annoying, we’d like you more,” he muttered, though there was a flicker of something in his eyes, betrayal maybe, at the thought of you giving someone else chocolates.

The weight of Rin’s words hit you hard. You felt the tears slip down your cheeks. You quickly turned away to your cubby, slipped on your shoes, and bolted out of the classroom. The blood pounded in your ears. Neither brother stopped you.

You ran all the way home, and when you got there, you slammed the door and ignored your mom's worried expression at the door. You headed straight to your bedroom and cried your eyes out in your bed. "I hate Valentine's Day," you sobbed. Sae and Rin's actions had not only ruined your chance at a new friend but had sent you spiraling into tears instead. You felt alone, and now you felt like you always would be. They didn’t care about you, and they certainly didn’t want anyone else to either.

Chapter Text

The days following Valentine’s Day blurred into a haze of avoidance and heartache. You became a master of evasion, lingering over breakfast until Sae and Rin left without you, or pretending to forget something important just to buy yourself a few more minutes of solitude. After school, you took the long way home—a winding, shadowed path through narrow alleyways that reeked of smoke and spilled alcohol. It wasn’t safe for a young girl to walk alone, but the danger of the alley felt trivial compared to the crushing weight of facing Sae and Rin.

Rin’s words played on a loop in your mind, sharp and unrelenting: “Maybe if you weren’t so annoying, we’d like you more.” Each repetition was a fresh wound, a knife twisting deeper into your chest. You wiped your tears as you walked, your vision blurred by the constant sting of crying. The alley was a cacophony of chaos—distant chatter, the occasional bark of a stray dog, the clatter of bottles rolling across cracked pavement. The air was thick with the acrid scent of cigarettes and the sour tang of spilled beer. Drunken men and women stumbled past, their voices slurred and loud. You hated it here, but it was better than the alternative. Better than facing them.

Your parents would have been furious if they knew you were taking this route home, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. In that moment, you hated Sae and Rin with a ferocity that surprised even you. You hated their perfect faces, their cold words, their endless demands. You hated how they made you feel small and worthless, like you were nothing more than an inconvenience. But most of all, you hated how, despite everything, you still cared about them.

When you finally reached home, you slammed the door shut behind you, the sound echoing through the quiet house. Your mom called out from the kitchen, her voice tinged with worry. “Name-chan, I made some yakitori. Come down and have some.”

You hesitated, your stomach churning at the thought of food. You hadn’t been eating much lately, and your mom had noticed. She thought your heartbreak was over Yuta, the boy you’d made chocolates for. She didn’t know the truth—that it was Sae and Rin who had shattered your fragile sense of belonging.

“Please come down and eat,” she pleaded, her voice softening. “You haven’t been eating much. It’s not good for you.”

Reluctantly, you dragged yourself downstairs. The table was set with yakitori, fresh strawberries, and a glass of homemade Calpico—all your favourites. You picked at the food, forcing yourself to take a bite of the yakitori. The chicken, usually tender and flavourful, felt like rubber in your mouth. You chewed and chewed, but it refused to go down. Finally, you swallowed, the effort leaving a bitter taste in your throat.

The strawberries were easier to eat—sweet and juicy, a clear reflection of your mom's gardening skills. Fruit always tasted better when it was in season, and it was definitely strawberry season. You sipped the homemade Calpico, the tangy sweetness cutting through the rubbery yakitori you’d just eaten. Your mom always sweetened the Calpico to match your sweet tooth. Though you loved yakitori, the strawberries and Calpico were much easier to swallow today. Your mom watched you closely, her eyes filled with concern, and she reached over to gently stroke your hair.

“Sometimes boys can be immature and cruel with their feelings,” she said softly. “Rejection always hurts, but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with it. I don’t know what happened on Valentine’s Day, but Yuta’s a fool if he rejected my Name-chan’s feelings.”

Her words were meant to comfort you, but they only made the ache in your chest worse. You wanted to tell her the truth—that it wasn’t Yuta who had hurt you, but Sae and Rin. You wanted to scream that you hated living in Kamakura, that you wanted to run away and never come back. But the words stuck in your throat, too heavy to say out loud. Instead, you burst into tears, burying your face in her apron as she held you close.

Your routine changed after that. Instead of being chronically late, you started leaving as early as possible, slipping out of the house before the sun had fully risen. You skipped your mom’s well-cooked breakfast, the smell of miso soup and grilled fish lingering in the air as you quietly shut the door behind you. The streets were still empty, the morning light casting long shadows across the pavement. You walked quickly, your footsteps echoing in the silence, as if you were running from something—or someone.

After school, you took the forbidden alleyways home, the ones no one would expect you to walk through. They were narrow and dimly lit, the walls lined with graffiti and the air thick with the scent of garbage and cigarette smoke. The alleyways were a shortcut, but they were also dangerous—a place where shady characters lingered, their eyes following you as you passed. You knew you shouldn’t be walking through them alone, especially not as a young girl, but you didn’t care. The thought of running into Sae and Rin was far more terrifying than any alleyway.

You clutched the straps of your bag tightly, your heart pounding as you navigated the maze of backstreets.The sound of your footsteps was drowned out by the distant hum of traffic and the occasional shout from a nearby bar. You kept your head down, avoiding eye contact with the men who loitered in the shadows, their laughter sharp and unsettling. One of them called out to you, his voice slurred and mocking, but you didn’t stop. You walked faster, your breath coming in short, panicked gasps.

The alleyways were a world away from the clean, orderly streets of Kamakura. Here, the buildings were crumbling, their windows boarded up or covered with grime. Stray cats darted across your path, their eyes glowing in the dim light. You stepped over puddles of murky water and discarded trash, your shoes squelching against the wet pavement. It was a place where no one would think to look for you, and that was exactly why you chose it.

You wanted to be alone, to disappear from their world entirely. Maybe that was your destiny—to be alone and unloved, to never have anyone truly care about you. The thought made your chest ache, but you pushed it aside, focusing on the path ahead. You couldn’t afford to think about Sae and Rin, about the way they made you feel. All that mattered was getting home, away from them, away from everything.

But as you walked, the weight of your loneliness pressed down on you, heavier than ever. The alleyways, with their shadows and secrets, felt like a reflection of your own heart—dark, empty, and full of things you didn’t want to face. You wiped at your eyes, trying to stop the tears before they could fall. You’d done enough crying. It was time to be strong, even if it meant walking through the darkness alone.

What you didn’t realize was that your absence was like an earthquake, triggering a tsunami in Sae and Rin’s carefully constructed world. They weren’t happy with your actions, but they weren’t going to apologize or fix things either. That wasn’t how they operated. Sae, with his cold, calculating demeanour, saw your withdrawal as a problem to be solved, not a cry for help. Rin, with his volatile temper, was furious that you dared to pull away from them. To him, your absence was a betrayal, a sign that you didn’t understand your place in their lives.

But for now, you were safe, hidden in the shadows of the alleyways, where they couldn’t reach you. And that was enough.

“Nii-chan, she’s not here. She never misses our games,” Rin whined, his voice tinged with frustration. He scanned the stands, his teal eyes narrowing when he didn’t see you among the crowd. Sae’s expression was calm, but there was a flicker of annoyance in his eyes. You had been avoiding them completely since Valentine’s Day, and now you were skipping their game. It was unacceptable.

“Just focus on the game, Rin,” Sae said, his voice clipped. “I’ll talk to her later. Make sure you don’t do any shoddy shots.” His tone left no room for argument, and Rin reluctantly turned his attention back to the field.

They won the game, but the victory felt hollow. There was no one to cheer for them, no one to hand them water bottles or congratulate them on their win. No one telling them how cool they were or how impressive their goals had been. Sae’s annoyance grew with each passing minute, his usual calm cracking under the weight of your absence. Rin, on the other hand, was visibly agitated, his small hands clenched into fists.

As they walked home, Rin clung to Sae’s hand, his grip tight. “Why is she being like this?” he muttered, his voice laced with frustration. “She’s so sensitive.”

Sae didn’t respond immediately, his mind racing. He didn’t understand why your absence bothered him so much, but he knew he couldn’t let it continue. “I’ll talk to her,” he said finally, his tone firm. “She’s being unreasonable, but I’ll set her straight.”

“Rin, I’m going to talk to her alone,” Sae said as they reached the fork in the road. His voice was calm, but there was an edge to it that made Rin’s stomach twist. Rin protested immediately, his face scrunching up in displeasure. “Why do you get to talk to her? She’s avoiding both of us!” he snapped, his small hands balling into fists.

Sae’s gaze hardened, and he fixed Rin with a look that silenced him instantly. “She’s being sensitive. I’ll set her straight. Don’t worry about it,” Sae said, his tone leaving no room for argument. He reached out, his fingers brushing Rin’s bangs aside before pressing a kiss to his forehead—a rare gesture of affection, especially in public. Rin’s cheeks flushed, but he didn’t pull away. “Go home,” Sae said softly, his voice steady but gentle. “I’ll handle this.”

Rin hesitated, his teal eyes flickering with a mix of jealousy and frustration. He didn’t like the idea of Sae talking to you alone, but he knew better than to argue. “Fine,” he muttered, turning on his heel and stomping off. As he walked away, he glanced over his shoulder, his expression darkening. He didn’t like this—any of it. You were supposed to be there, watching their games, walking home with them, being part of their world. Why were you making everything so difficult?

Sae walked to your house, his steps deliberate and unhurried. He knocked on the door, his expression calm but his eyes sharp. He knew you were home—your window was open, and your parents’ car was parked outside.

Knock. Knock.

You opened the door, your eyes widening when you saw him. Without a word, you tried to slam the door shut, but Sae was faster. He stopped it with his hand, slipping inside before you could protest. “You’re being annoying again,” he said, his voice cold and detached.

Tears welled up in your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. “Go home, Sae. I don’t want to see you or Rin ever again,” you said, your voice trembling but fierce.

Sae’s teal eyes bore into yours, his gaze unyielding. “You’re always such a crybaby, aren’t you?” he said, his tone almost mocking. He reached out, his fingers brushing against your cheeks as he wiped away your tears. You tried to swat his hand away, but his grip was firm, unrelenting. He held your face close, his touch surprisingly gentle despite the coldness in his voice.

“Leave me alone, Sae,” you said, your voice breaking. “I don’t want to be a part of whatever you and Rin have. Haven’t you done enough?” You took a shaky breath, your anger bubbling to the surface. “I want to be around people who like me and care about me, and you won’t even let me have that! You and Rin just tolerate me, and you don’t even want me to be around anyone else! It’s not fair, and I don’t want that!”

Sae didn’t respond immediately, his gaze steady and unyielding. For a moment, you thought he might say something cruel, but instead, he just sighed. “You’re being ridiculous,” he said finally. “But fine. If that’s what you want, I’ll leave you alone.”

He turned and walked out the door, leaving you standing there, your chest tight with conflicting emotions. You hated him—hated how he made you feel, hated how he always seemed to know exactly what to say to hurt you. But as you watched him walk away, a small, traitorous part of you wondered if you’d made a mistake.

Rin didn’t go straight home. Instead, he lingered near the corner of the street, his small frame hidden behind a tree as he watched Sae walk to your house. He didn’t like this—didn’t like the way Sae had dismissed him, didn’t like the way you were avoiding them. It wasn’t fair. You were supposed to be there, with them. Why were you making everything so difficult?

When Sae finally emerged from your house, Rin's stomach twisted. By the way Sae carried himself, his posture stiff and the slight tension in his movements, it was clear the conversation had gone badly. Every inch of his body seemed to scream frustration, and Rin’s hands clenched into fists, nails biting into his palms. He wanted to rush over and demand answers, but he knew better than to push Sae when he was like this.

Instead, he waited until Sae was out of sight before slipping out from behind the tree and walking to your house. He knocked on the door, his small face scrunched up in a scowl. When you opened the door, your eyes red and puffy from crying, Rin’s scowl deepened. “Why are you being like this?” he demanded, his voice sharp and accusing. “You’re supposed to be with us, not hiding like some coward!”

You stared at him, your chest tightening at his words. “I’m not hiding,” you said, your voice trembling. “I just… I don’t want to be around people who don’t care about me.”

Rin’s eyes widened, and for a moment, he looked almost hurt. But the expression was gone as quickly as it appeared, replaced by his usual anger. “You’re being stupid,” he snapped. “We do care about you. You’re just too sensitive to see it.”

You shook your head, tears spilling down your cheeks. “No, you don’t. You and Sae just… tolerate me. You don’t want me to be around anyone else, but you don’t even like me. It’s not fair.” You took a shaky breath, your voice rising with every word. “You said it yourself, didn’t you? That maybe you and Sae would like me more if I wasn’t annoying. Well, if you don’t like me for me, then what’s the point of being around either of you?”

Rin’s jaw tightened, his teal eyes flashing with anger. He took a step closer, his taller frame now looming over you. It felt strange—he had always been smaller, but somewhere along the way, he had grown, and now he stood above you, his presence overwhelming. The mochi-faced boy was now taller than you, far more intimidating, despite the chubby cheeks still adorning his face. "You don’t get it," he said, his voice low and intense. "You’re part of our world now. You don’t get to just leave."

You took a step back, but Rin followed, his expression darkening. “And another thing,” you said, your voice shaking but defiant. “You guys never like hearing about what I like or what makes me happy. I’m not some toy you can break, Rin!”

Rin’s eyes narrowed, and for a moment, he looked like he might snap. But then you added, your voice barely above a whisper, “At least Yuta liked hearing me talk… or did, I guess.”

The words hit Rin like a punch to the gut. His hands clenched into fists, his nails digging into his palms as a flare of jealousy burned through him. Yuta. That stupid, plain-looking boy who had no business being anywhere near you. The memory of you giving Yuta chocolates on Valentine’s Day flashed in his mind, and his stomach churned with anger. When had you even had the time to make other friends? As far as he and Sae knew, you were an outcast in your grade, someone no one wanted to be around. And that’s how they liked it—how he liked it. You were supposed to be theirs, not Yuta’s.

“Yuta?” Rin spat, his voice dripping with venom. “That lukewarm nobody? You think he actually cares about you? He’s just being nice because he feels sorry for you.”

You flinched, but you didn’t back down. “At least he’s nice to me,” you shot back, your voice trembling but firm. “At least he doesn’t make me feel like I’m some… some burden he has to put up with.”

Rin’s jaw tightened, and he took another step closer, his taller frame casting a shadow over you. “You’re not a burden,” he said, his voice hushed but firm. “You’re just… you’re part of our world now. You don’t get to just leave.”

You stared at him, your heart pounding in your chest. “Why not?” you whispered. “Why can’t I leave?”

Rin didn’t answer. Instead, he turned on his heel and stormed off, his small hands clenched into fists. As he walked away, you couldn’t help but notice the slight tremor in his shoulders, as if he were fighting back tears. . The sight lingered with you long after he was out of view, leaving you with a hollow feeling you couldn’t quite place.

Chapter Text

The days bleed into one another, each one greyer than the last. Loneliness wraps around you like a second skin, tighter than your puffy jacket ever was. Kamakura, with its sparkling beaches and bustling streets, feels like a stage where you’re the only actor who’s forgotten her lines. No friends, no laughter, no one to fill the silence except the echo of your own footsteps. At school, you catch Yuta’s eyes sometimes—brown and soft, flickering with guilt and worry—but he keeps his distance now, his smile a ghost of what it used to be. You can’t blame him. Not after Sae and Rin made a spectacle of you, their shadows looming over every step you try to take away from them.

You stick to the alleyways, the ones that reek of cigarette smoke and spilled beer, where the air is thick with the jeers of drunken men and the skittering of street dogs. Kamakura is safe, everyone says so—a haven for tourists and families—but you’ve traded safety for solitude. The narrow paths, lined with graffiti-smeared walls and puddles of murky water, are your refuge from the ones who’ve carved their names into your heart and left it bleeding. Each step through the alleys is a defiance, a way to outrun the memory of Rin’s venomous words and Sae’s cold, unyielding gaze. But the danger lingers, a whisper in the back of your mind, and you clutch your bag tighter, your heart pounding against your ribs.

At home, your mother’s worry is a tangible thing, etched into the furrow of her brow and the way she hovers over you at dinner. The strawberries she sets out are still sweet, but they taste like ash in your mouth. She’s grown close with Sae and Rin’s mother — a real friendship, the kind built over grocery runs, neighborhood chats, and shared stories about raising kids the same age range. It’s genuine, easy, the way things always seem to be with her. Even after the move, she made it all look effortless — settling in, making friends, becoming part of something. You overhear bits of her conversations when you pass the kitchen, her voice low with concern: “She’s so withdrawn… I don’t know what’s wrong.” You want to scream that it’s Sae and Rin, that they’re the ones who’ve made you feel like a stranger in your own skin, but the words stay lodged in your throat, heavy and unspoken.

Across the street, Sae and Rin’s mother is less gentle. She corners Rin the moment your mother’s concerns reach her, her voice sharp as she demands, “Did you upset her? Did you break her toys again?” Rin’s face flushes, his teal eyes flashing with frustration. He hasn’t broken your toys in years—not since that day he snapped your favorite Licca-chan doll in half, her plastic arms dangling uselessly as you sobbed for weeks. He’d been so intense, even then, playing too roughly, his small hands unable to hold anything gently. After that, he swore off your dolls, avoiding them like they were cursed, because he couldn’t bear to see you cry again. “I didn’t do anything!” he snaps now, his voice cracking with indignation. “It’s not my fault!”

Sae steps in, his voice calm but edged with steel. “It’s just school drama. Girl stuff. She’s upset, that’s all.” He shrugs, as if your absence is a trivial thing, a phase you’ll grow out of. Their mother sighs, relieved that Rin isn’t to blame for once. She knows how cruel friendships can be at this age, especially for girls. But Rin doesn’t let it go. The accusation burns, a spark that ignites his already volatile temper. At soccer practice, he kicks the ball with a ferocity that startles his teammates, his shots wild and reckless. At school, he’s rougher, shoving past classmates and snapping at anyone who dares approach him. He hates the blame, hates the way his parents look at him like he’s defective, a problem to be fixed. Only Sae understands, slipping him an ice cream cone when his anger threatens to consume him, his teal eyes soft for a moment as he ruffles Rin’s hair.

Rin escapes into his videos—grainy nature documentaries he watches late at night when the house is quiet. Polar bears, their white fur stained red with blood, tear into seals on the icy slopes. He fixates on them, the violence a strange comfort, a mirror to the chaos in his chest. He remembers you mentioning polar bears once, years ago, your voice bright as you talked about wanting to see them at the zoos in Sapporo or Osaka. Back then, he’d rolled his eyes, but now the memory clings to him, a thread he can’t cut. He watches the bears and thinks of you, of how you’ve pulled away, leaving a void he doesn’t know how to fill. Stupid you, he thinks, his hands clenching into fists. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why can’t you just come back?

You don’t know any of this, of course. You don’t know how your absence has cracked the surface of their world, sending tremors through Sae and Rin’s carefully constructed lives. All you know is the weight of your own loneliness, the ache in your chest that grows heavier with each passing day. You keep to the alleyways, even when the shadows seem to move, even when the laughter of strangers feels too close. It’s reckless, you know, but it’s better than facing them.

Today, though, something feels different. The air is heavier, the alley quieter than usual. You quicken your pace, your shoes squelching against the wet pavement. Rin’s at an appointment—some doctor’s visit that’s kept him out of school that day—so you’ve slipped away earlier than usual, taking advantage of the fact that Sae won’t be waiting for him at the school gate. It’s your window, your chance to disappear into the alleys before Sae can catch you. But as you turn a corner, the hairs on the back of your neck prickle. Footsteps echo behind you, steady and deliberate. You glance over your shoulder, but the alley is empty, the shadows swallowing any sign of life. Your heart races, and you walk faster, your bag bouncing against your back.

The footsteps grow louder, closer. A man’s voice calls out, slurred and mocking. “Hey, little girl, where you goin’?” Your stomach lurches, and you break into a run, your breath coming in short, panicked gasps. The alley twists and turns, but you know these paths by heart now. You dodge a pile of trash, your shoes slipping on the slick pavement, and dart toward the next corner. But the man is faster, his shadow looming as he gains on you. His hand grazes your arm, and you scream, the sound swallowed by the alley’s walls.

Before he can grab you, a figure barrels into him, knocking him to the ground. It’s Sae, his teal eyes blazing with a fury you’ve never seen before. He moves like a predator, his movements sharp and precise, driving his fist into the man’s face with a sickening crunch. The stranger crumples, blood pooling beneath him, and Sae stands over him, his chest heaving. You’re frozen, your legs trembling as you watch him, the air thick with the metallic scent of blood.

Sae turns to you, his expression cold and unreadable. “Come on,” he says, his voice low and commanding. He grabs your wrist, his grip bruising, and pulls you out of the alley, away from the crumpled figure on the ground. You stumble after him, your mind reeling, your heart pounding so loudly you can barely hear the distant hum of traffic. The streets blur as you run, Sae’s hand a vice around your wrist, until you reach the familiar sight of your neighborhood, the ocean glinting in the distance.

He stops abruptly, turning to face you. His eyes are furious, a storm brewing in their teal depths. “What the hell were you thinking?” he snaps, his voice cutting through the air like a blade. “Do you have any idea how reckless that was? How dangerous?”

You try to pull away, tears stinging your eyes. “I was fine,” you lie, your voice trembling. “I didn’t need your help.”

His hand shoots out, and before you can react, he slaps you across the cheek. The sting is sharp, blooming across your skin, and you gasp, your hand flying to your face. Tears spill down your cheeks, hot and unstoppable, as you stare at him, your chest tight with shock and betrayal. Sae’s expression doesn’t soften. If anything, his eyes grow colder, harder. “You’re not fine,” he says, his voice low and dangerous. “You’re reckless and stupid, and you’re going to get yourself hurt.”

Before you can respond, he steps closer, his hand cupping your chin with a gentleness that feels wrong after the slap. His thumb brushes against your bruised cheek, and then, without warning, he kisses you. It’s rough, urgent, his lips pressing against yours with a force that steals your breath. You freeze, your mind a whirlwind of confusion and fear. It’s your first kiss, and it’s nothing like you imagined—not soft or sweet, but intense, overwhelming, like he’s claiming something he’s afraid to lose. His lips move with a certainty that makes your stomach churn, a fleeting thought cutting through the haze: He’s done this before. He knows what he’s doing.The realization twists in your gut, a mix of awe and dread, but there’s no time to dwell on it. Your tears mingle with the kiss, salty and bitter, and when he finally pulls away, his eyes are unreadable, a storm calmed but not gone.

“You don’t get to do this,” he says, his voice hushed but firm. “You don’t get to run away and put yourself in danger. Not when we—” He cuts himself off, his jaw tightening, and you wonder what he was about to say. Not when we care? Not when we need you? The words hang in the air, unspoken but heavy.

You’re crying harder now, your cheek throbbing, your lips tingling from the kiss. “I just wanted to be alone,” you whisper, your voice breaking. “I just wanted to be free.”

Sae’s eyes flash with something , anger, hurt, you can’t tell—and he grabs your shoulders, his grip firm but not painful. “You’re not free,” he says, his voice low and final. “You’re part of us now. You don’t get to walk away.”

He drags you the rest of the way home, his hand never leaving your wrist. When you reach your house, he doesn’t let go, even as your mother opens the door, her face paling at the sight of your tear-streaked face and the faint bruise blooming on your cheek. Sae’s voice is calm, almost clinical, as he tells her everything—how you’ve been sneaking through the alleyways, how you were nearly hurt, how he stepped in. Your parents are horrified, their voices overlapping in a frantic chorus of “How could you?” and “What were you thinking?” Your mother’s hands tremble as she pulls you into a hug, her tears soaking into your hair.

“We trusted you to be safe,” your father says, his voice thick with disappointment. “You’re not to go through those alleys again. Ever.”

Your mother turns to Sae, her eyes pleading. “Please, Sae-kun, make sure she doesn’t do this again. Can you and Rin walk her to and from school? To your club after? We can’t lose her.”

Sae nods, his expression cool and composed. “Rin and I will take care of her,” he says, his voice steady. “She’ll walk with us from now on.”

You want to scream, to tell them you’re not a child, that you don’t need Sae and Rin to babysit you. But the words die in your throat, suffocated by the weight of their gazes, your parents’ fear, Sae’s unyielding resolve. You’re trapped, a bird in a cage you didn’t see being built.

Later That Night

Sae waits until he’s home, until the house is quiet and their parents are nowhere nearby, before he corners Rin in their shared room. The door clicks shut behind him, sealing them in with the weight of unspoken words. Rin’s sprawled on his bed, a polar bear documentary playing on his phone, the sound of crunching ice and growling beasts filling the silence. Sae’s voice is low, controlled, but there’s an undercurrent of anger that makes Rin sit up.

“She’s been sneaking through the alleyways,” Sae says, his teal eyes narrowing. “For weeks. To avoid us.”

Rin’s eyes widen, his small hands clenching into fists. “What?” he snaps, his voice rising. “Those places? She could’ve been hurt! Or—” He cuts himself off, his face paling as the possibilities sink in. “Why would she do that?”

Sae’s jaw tightens, his hands shoved into his pockets to keep them from trembling. “Because she’s reckless. And stupid. And she thinks she can just walk away from us.” He paces, his movements sharp and restless. “I followed her today. Some bastard almost grabbed her. I took care of it, but she—” He stops, his voice catching, and Rin notices the rare crack in Sae’s composure. “She doesn’t get it. She’s ours, Rin. We’re not letting her go now, not after this.”

Rin’s anger flares, hot and consuming. “She’s so selfish,” he spits, echoing Sae’s words from earlier. “Avoiding us, putting herself in danger. Doesn’t she know we care? Doesn’t she know how much she’s screwing everything up?” His voice trembles, and he looks away, his eyes stinging. The polar bears on his phone roar, and he thinks of you, of your soft voice talking about zoos and polar bears, of how you’re slipping away like a seal on the ice.

Sae steps closer, his hand resting on Rin’s shoulder, a rare gesture of comfort. “We’ll keep her close,” he says, his voice firm. “No more alleys, no more running. She’s part of us, whether she likes it or not.”

Rin nods, his jaw set, but his eyes are still wet. He hates you for making him feel this way, for making him care when all he wants is to be angry. But he does care, and so does Sae, and that’s the worst part of all.

The next morning, you leave the house with Sae and Rin for the first time in weeks. The air is crisp, the ocean a distant murmur as you walk between them. Sae grips your right hand, his fingers tight, while Rin holds your left, his grip just as unrelenting. For once, Rin doesn’t reach for Sae’s hand, his teal eyes fixed on your face, lingering on the faint bruise Sae left behind. You whisper, “It hurts,” your voice barely audible, but they only tighten their hold, as if you might slip away if they let go. You’re a prisoner now, bound by their hands and their unspoken demands.

“Stop crying, idiot,” Sae says, his voice softer than usual, not cruel but not kind either. He reaches out with his free hand, his seagull handkerchief brushing away your tears. Rin does the same, his owl-patterned handkerchief clumsy against your cheek. Their gestures are almost tender, but there’s an edge to them, a warning. Sae’s fingers linger on your bruise, his eyes flashing with anger—not at you, but at the recklessness that led you to the alleys. “Never again,” he says, his voice low and fierce. “Do you know how many terrible things could’ve happened to you? You don’t get to be that stupid.”

Rin’s jaw tightens, his chubby cheeks still soft but his expression hard. “You’re selfish,” he mutters, his voice trembling with a mix of anger and fear. “Running off like that, avoiding us. Don’t you know we—” He stops, swallowing hard, his eyes darting to Sae as if seeking permission to continue. “We care, okay? You’re messing everything up.”

You don’t respond, your tears falling faster now. The walk to school feels like a march to your own execution, their hands a chain you can’t break. Sae’s kiss lingers in your mind, a brand you can’t erase, and Rin’s words cut deeper than you want to admit. They act like they care, but it hurts, hurts more than the bruise on your cheek, more than the alleys ever could. You’re theirs now, whether you want to be or not, and the realization settles in your chest like a stone.