Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The glamour was sticking to him like a second skin.

Bill looked at himself in the mirror he just made appear out of thin air. There was seemingly nothing different about his appearance: he was still a yellow triangle with two legs and two arms, his bowtie and hat were still present and he had the same charm he was graced with since he was born. Nothing radical here. If he didn't know better, he'd say he was exactly the same as before.

"Oh well, only one way to know!"

Dimension 11- was a pathetic place with little distraction and a population of sentient rocks that were intelligent enough to know they were rocks, which was something, at least? Thinking was hard for creatures with so little neurons inside their primitive form. Fortunately for them, their planet was so bare and boring no one ever tried to conquer it. It wasn't even good enough to install a colony: the puny sun that shined in the sky was purple and devoid of any value whatsoever. There was just enough light to develop an archaic life form and the air was impossible to breathe. No plant or animal lived there, only rocks. Sentient rocks, but rocks nonetheless. There was a reason why the idiom "dumb as a rock" existed, after all.

The first rocks Bill found on the top of the hill where he teleported himself were only that, rocks. There was no redeemable quality about them, no preciosity or funny color or whatever. Plain, solid rocks. That would take a while.

One hour later, he finally crossed the path of the first "people" of this dimension. Two sentient rocks were sitting on the edge of a cliff, waiting. For what? Who knew. Bill was not in the mood to ask.

"Greetings, rocks!"

What a dumb thing to say. Bill felt like a fool.

The two rocks turned very slightly in his direction. He knew that because he observed them closely, but anyone who didn't pay attention would think that nothing happened. Rocks were rocks, that was a fact. Sentient rocks were hardly better than normal ones.

"Hum, nice weather isn't it?"

How lame. Bill facepalmed. That was the lamest small talk ever in the history of small talks. The sky was purple and never changed color; there was no cloud, no atmospheric change, only a monotone purple sky that remained the same for eons. Those rocks didn't have anything to compare it with.

Something happened then. One of the rocks cracked. The other soon followed: a small crack appeared on its side. Was it good or not? Before Bill could ask about it, the two rocks suddenly exploded!

Debris and dust covered his body. Bill gagged.

"Ew, rock innards!"

Fortunately, they were rocks. No organic matter to worry about. It was still disgusting.

"Great, now how would I know if that worked?"

The glamour was supposed to show the people facing him a perfect version of the most perfect partner they could imagine. The notion was very vague though: would it be the subjective opinion of the viewer or an objective appearance based on the beauty criteria of the species? So far, the results were... mixed.

It was infuriating. Bill didn't have any intention to give up, so he simply changed his location and went to another dimension.

This time, Dimension 55/m was a small planet with real people. They all looked like ugly animals, though for Bill anyone with a shape with more than five sides was ugly in his eye. That was but a detail: he was here to investigate, not to judge those weird creatures on their appearance.

Still ugly though!

The first people he encountered was a family of four: the father figure was taller and hairier, the mother figure had a bigger tail for some reason and the two balls of fur in the stroller were so fluffy and immobile Bill first thought they were inanimate objects. He waved at them from a distance. Judging by the atmosphere and the surroundings, the family was probably having a walk in the local park.

"Hi, furries!"

Oh yeah, what an entrance. Bill groaned. That was so lame!

He heard a double gasp coming from the adults, followed by a clicking noise. The stroller stopped; the babies inside woke up and started to cry. Annoyed, Bill leaned over the pair of babies and made a shushing sound while placing his index in front of his eye.

"Sssh, quiet!"

The babies immediately stopped bawling, for some reason. They were covered in fur, true balls of fluff and hair with no visible face or limbs protruding from them. Were they looking at Bill? There was no way to know. What he did know, however, was that the parents were staring at him with their mouth hanging open. Bill waved at them.

"Hi, uh, nice to meet you, local fur friend?"

The father made a growling sound and tried to tackle Bill on the ground. Fortunately, Bill's reflexes were honed by centuries of survival: his raw instincts kicked in and he floated out of reach.

"Whoa, calm down, Furball! I don't want to touch your offspring!"

There was no response coming from the father. He looked... enraged, in a no fun way that made others uncomfortable. The mother's mouth then started to foam. Both were looking very distressed.

"Okay, is that normal or what?"

One second later, the father jumped on the mother and proceeded to tear off her clothes (and his too). Bill's eye widened in horror. What the hell? Did he come during mating season?

"Whoa, whoa, okay, I'll leave you alone! No need to... Hey, there's no way THAT will fit into her!"

It did fit, surprisingly. Or maybe not. They both looked very enthusiastic about their... business. Bill was fascinated and somehow, impressed too. These fleshy species were very... flexible, and vigorous, and... messy. Very much so.

Not one minute passed before he saw other hairy creatures come and try to separate the first two. That was comical: the newcomers shouted at the couple, grabbed them to tear them off each other, but nothing could detach the father from his partner.

"Yeah, they're pretty much out of it at this point."

Bill decided to make himself seen from the new people so he landed next to them. Fatal error: as soon as they saw him, they froze and started to drool. The nearest one sported a ridiculously large boner through his clothes.

"Oh. Uh... Hello?"

Again, the guy tried to jump on him and again, Bill escaped to float above their heads. The boner guy ended up assaulting the other ones. A few seconds later, there was a magnificent orgy taking place under Bill's floating body. He made himself invisible just in case.

What a freaky turn of events! Was it because of the glamour? If so, that thing was certainly... potent.

Okay, maybe he should try to control it before he appeared in public again. That was an option. Or, and the idea was way funnier, he could appear at random in the multiverse and wreak havoc across the dimensions. That would be truly magnificent! Entire dimensions out of control because everyone was too horny to function properly!

That was not Bill's first choice when he said he would bring chaos to the universe, but that didn't mean he didn't appreciate the concept. The mess it created was absolutely hilarious anyway.

Bill was busy pondering all his options when he suddenly heard a loud crash: one of the party-goers bumped into the stroller and made it topple. The babies fell over.

"Crap!"

Bill rushed to the scene. Fortunately, the inside of the stroller was lined with clothes and blankets so the babies weren't too hurt, but they were now crying again. Bill looked around: their parents were entangled between three other men and they wouldn't be of any help. He rolled his eyes. Of course that would happen to him the first time he tried to use his newfound power! (Well, technically it was the second time but the first didn't count, they were rocks.)

"Hey, don't cry, it's okay, Uncle Bill will make things right again!"

Why was he saying that? He wasn't even sure those kids understood him! He shouldn't try to make others happy, what the fuck? These kids were not his! He was not an uncle, he would never be, the idea was so ridiculous! Why was he still here starting on a monologue instead of fleeing the scene?

"Please stop crying! I can't hear myself panic!"

The cries doubled down. Bill was going crazy!

"Okay, okay, stop! I'll sing you a song!"

He cleared his throat. Now to find a song for babies... How about a lullaby? One that he heard once a long time ago. That would do.

"TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR, HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE!!!"

Yep, Bill sounded horrible even to his own ears. Absolutely awful use of his vocal cords. A broken violin in all its glory.

And yet, the babies stopped crying.

"Ha! Take that, gods of music!" He looked around. The frantic mating didn't seem to be slowing down anytime soon. "I'd better take you to people with all their sound mind, huh."

The furry balls made a squeaky sound that Bill didn't understand at all. He sighed and made them levitate with his powers. The squeaks changed into giggles. Bill's eye crinkled: they were cute, in a fucked up and not at all adorable kind of way.

"Come on now, Squeaky Balls! Uncle Bill will keep you safe!"

Other people were coming. This time, Bill didn't make the same mistake: he stayed invisible. He made the babies levitate in front of the nearest sane adult and put them in their arms. The designated adult was confused for a moment, but as soon as they saw the babies were in need of assistance, they rocked them in their arms and called their friends.

Bill promptly faded away.

ΔΔΔΔΔΔ

Bill looked at his empty glass and frowned.

In front of him, his Henchmaniacs, curse their twisted minds, were partying like there was no tomorrow. Pyronica was trying to shove several bones she picked up somewhere inside Teeth's ginormous mouth with various degrees of success, Hectorgon was smoking five cigars at the same time and 8 Ball was so drunk he was trying to kiss Amorphous Shape. The others were scattered all around, drinking, playing and plunging the area in a familiar state of chaos. Nothing new here.

It was getting boring as fuck.

This happened so many times Bill stopped counting. The first few centuries were great: they were having all the fun in the universe, nothing or no one seemed to be able to put a stop to their insane partying and causing so much mayhem was the best! The local authorities were furious, a price was put on their heads which added to the hilarity of the thing, it was so satisfying! Nothing could compare!

Then, it began to get repetitive. Chaos was good and all, but when it happened every damn time they got out of the Nightmare Realm, it was a bit monotonous after a while. Hearing people cry in pain and despair was still amusing, no doubt, but it lost its... flavor after the millionth dimension they ransacked.

In short, Bill had enough.

That didn't seem to bother his Henchmaniacs, though: they still continued to act like they always did. They partied for weeks on end, stopped to get some minimum rest or grab some food in another dimension (that they plundered at the same time), they came back and the party could continue. Sometimes, in the rare centuries when they felt like it, there was no end to the party. The only moments of respite were when they chose to have orgies instead of partying. Needless to say, Bill always found a way to escape in those instances.

Fleshy creatures were so weird, but not in a good way! What fun was it to plunge a fleshy bit into another fleshy orifice? Not that it concerned him: there was nothing soft or fleshy about his own body. If anything, he had hard sides and even harder edges. Every single creature that tried to grab him by his pointy bits regretted it one way or another.

"Hey Bill, come with us and have some fun!" Pyronica waved at him. Bill noticed Teeth was nowhere to be seen. Did Pyronica eat him at last? Or did he die and disappear without a trace?

"Tsk, no thanks." Bill threw his glass away. It hit an asteroid and was pulverized on the spot. "Did Keyhole come back from his vacation?"

"He went to a vacation by himself?" 8 Ball said. "Why?"

"Who cares?" Pyronica yawned. "He can die by himself if he wants, that doesn't change the fact he's a loser!"

"You're always saying that about him."

"Well, I'm right!"

Every single monster present started to laugh. Bill scrunched his eye: they were irritating, all of them. He was having one hell of a headache.

"Shut up!" he thundered. "You're all so stupid!"

No one dared to move or make a sound after that.

Another day, another angry outburst. They were being more and more frequent these last decades. Bill was tired of all the petty disputes and childish banters. He was tired of it all.

"Why don't you find something useful to do?" he said, massaging the top of his eyebrow with a tired hand. "You're all so loud!"

"We're only having fun." Pyronica was the first to answer. She looked at him with a playful smile and stuck out her tongue in his direction. "I can help you relax if you want, Hot Stuff."

"Don't you remember what happened the last time you tried to touch me?" Bill made a disgusted sound. What Pyronica was offering was simply too vile. "You almost died from the shock."

Pyronica giggled.

"It's not my fault you look so hot!" she said with a wink. "Just looking at you makes me all we..."

"You're hotter than a bowl of hot chili oil!" Lava Lamp hissed before Pyronica could finish the appalling description of her arousal.

Bill rolled his eye. It was just his luck: these idiots were now getting all hot and bothered because of his glamour. As if he needed that! Not for the first time, he regretted ever acquiring it: the people who looked at him were inevitably drawn to him, which was good because it made it easier to manipulate them, but the downside was that it also made them want to bed him. Which was absolutely NOT an option!

The only thing left to do was to get even angrier. Bill snapped his fingers: in a second, the atmosphere turned black and a storm grew all around them. Dark clouds and dark thunder, roaring and seeping them in acid. 8 Ball screamed in pain: he was hit by a stream of acid rain. The others quickly hid under various rocks and asteroids.

"Scram," Bill said in a growl.

In a few seconds, the place became empty. The acid storm subsided.

For a short moment, Bill contemplated the idea of making the Nightmare Realm implode sooner rather than later: at least, it would remain quiet for its last moments! What a treat it would be: he wouldn't have to listen to his stupid followers and their stupid opinions anymore. He would be free!

He would also be alone.

Ha, what a joke. That would never happen. It wasn't even the first time he told those fools to scram and they always came back after a few hours or days at most, like the pathetic lot they were. Where would they go anyway? They had nowhere to live and nothing to do. The Nightmare Realm was the only real place they could call home.

"Home."

The word tasted like ash against his tongue. Bill shook his head and leaned more heavily into his throne. At least he wouldn't have these idiots' incessant chat in the background. It was a blessing. It was, really.

It was even more boring.

After a few minutes of this treatment (or was it hours? It was hard to tell), Bill got out of his throne to float around. Nothing. No sound. Asteroids were flying around him but he hardly paid attention to them.

He was so bored!

Then, it happened: Bill heard the distant whisper of a call, small and indecisive, but the more time passed, the louder it became. Someone was calling him. An incantation older than most dimensions, a summoning that transcended the barriers of space and time, a deep and soothing voice that resonated in Bill's mind.

It was coming.

He felt the hook of an inter-dimensional spell on his entire frame, strong and addictive like a new drug pumping in his non-existent veins. It was sweet and exhilarating, a new form of pleasure that grabbed him by his hat and refused to let go. Bill followed its aromatic scent, went through several doors before he could find the source of it.

It was coming from one of the many dimensions he visited in the past, one that he abandoned because their people were all primitive and brain-rotted. A bunch of ignorant and gullible "humans", that was the name they took upon themselves. They were so full of their so-called superior mind, when they could hardly grasp the reality of Bill's existence! What was up with these dim-witted cretins since the last time? Didn't they kill each other already?

Bill remembered all the humans he seduced in his quest for a new dimension to invade and scoffed. Who was the new idiot this time? A king? An emperor? Someone in charge of a large country? Or yet another fool leading a cult?

The summon took him in the middle of a forest at night. The moon was shining in the sky; the air was fresh, but not cold. Birch trees were lining up under the moonlight, white and serene. Their eyes were pointed in the same direction: on the ground, where a human male was napping with a notebook and a pen in his hands.

Bill looked through the birch trees' eyes. He didn't want to act with haste: if the person who summoned him was this man, he needed to be sure that it wasn't a trap. It wouldn't be the first time his enemies tried something like that to get rid of him.

The man didn't have any distinctive feature in Bill's eye, but that wasn't a definitive proof of his innocence: for him, humans were like any other species, they were ugly and looked like a funny sack full of organs and fluids. Whoever created them sure was a freak! Who needed that much stuff inside?

The man stirred in his sleep. He had brown hair, a stubble on his cheeks and the sturdy constitution of someone who was outside all the time, but despite that his clothes were painfully outdated, nerdy even. The book he had in his hands had a brown cover, hardly something of importance.

It then hit Bill: his hands! This man's hands were strange. Didn't people of this species have five fingers in each hand? Why did this one have... six? He leaned over the sleeping man, his hand placed under his eye in contemplation, and counted each finger several times until he was satisfied. The number never changed.

"Is this a mutation?"

How weird! Bill was delighted: this human was not like the others! These extra fingers were so bizarre, so out of place on this otherwise completely normal set of hands! He giggled.

"My, it's so beautiful!"

There was a loud gasp, then the man opened his eyes. Brown, like his hair. How mundane, and yet, he had an air of innocence and wonder in those same eyes. They were fixed on Bill. There was no fear in them, only surprise and excitement.

Bill crinkled his eye. That was a boring reaction, but at least he wouldn't have any difficulty in rallying this man on his side, for his glamour was probably doing its job right now. Oh, well. That was the reason he used it in the first place: so that the people looking at him would be mesmerized by him. First impressions were essential, after all.

"Behold, mortal!" he coughed and said in the most charming voice he could muster. "It is I, Bill Cipher, God amongst the gods, who came into your dream to deliver this eminent message to your primitive species!"

"You're a god?" The man's eyes widened. It was very comical, all things considered.

"I'm whatever you want me to be, Finger Boy." Bill eyed the fingers closer. Yep, six of them, all beautiful and in pristine condition. He liked that. "Is it a sixth finger I see or are you happy to see me?"

"What?" the man blushed. How cute! He was a prude!

"Hey, no need to be shy, we're both bipeds after all!" Bill smirked. "See, I have the right amount of fingers and eyes!" Probably. The glamour was supposed to show whatever perfect image of a potential partner the other party had in mind, but there were so many combinations Bill didn't bother to ask each time. Personal taste was a thing, he guessed.

"I... see." The man adjusted his glasses on his nose. He was staring at Bill. "My name is Stanford Pines."

"Whoa, hold on, big boy. Are you sure it's safe to give your name like that? Didn't your momma tell you not to talk to strangers?"

Stanford stood up to face him. Because Bill was floating above his head, he had to creak his neck for that. Was the form he saw taller than him? Probably. It was an interesting information to use for later.

"We're not strangers anymore." Bill felt like Stanford's stare was piercing his very core. "You know my name and I know yours."

"A smartass, huh?" Bill chuckled. "I quite like that."

"Really?" Stanford blushed again. How cute! Was it the first time he talked to someone he was attracted to? That was so convenient!

Bill closed his eye and took a deep breath. A beautiful human in this guy's tastes. If he concentrated hard enough, he could eventually see it himself. He just needed to adapt his vision to match Stanford's. When he opened his eye again, he could see it at last: he became human.

This new body of his was taller than Stanford's by an inch or two. Long blond hair that fell on his back, broad shoulders and a lean yet muscular physique, the body of an athlete maybe? He was wearing a form-fitting white uniform with yellow accents. He extended his longs legs to put them on the ground.

He was standing in front of Stanford.

"Hi." For some reason, he was feeling a little shy. He took Stanford's hand, inclined this new body of his until his lips were at the same level, and kissed it. Stanford's eyes widened comically.

"Wha... What are you doing?"

"I'm kissing your hand," Bill said with a smile. "Isn't that how you humans greet someone you find beautiful?" Well, in his memories at least, but he could be wrong. He didn't cross a human's path for quite some time, not that they were particularly memorable to begin with. "Am I mistaken?"

"Oh! Uh... I mean..." The poor guy was blushing again.

"You don't need to be shy." This time, Bill raised Stanford's hand to kiss it one more time. Stanford's face was now completely crimson. "We're in your dreamscape. Anything goes."

"My... dreamscape?"

"Weren't you napping under the birch trees?"

"I was, but... aren't we in the forest? I can clearly see the trees and the sky..."

"Look closely."

Stanford frowned. He looked at Bill, at the trees, at the sky above. It was true that at first glance, there was nothing different from usual but when you paid a little more attention to the details...

"Oh, I see!" Stanford's face beamed. "The trees have eyes and they're staring at me! The moon is... made of cheese?"

"And the stars are candy. You must be hungry." Bill giggled. "Last time I met a human in his dreamscape, the moon was an apple pie. I believe he liked baking as a hobby."

"A... human?" Stanford's eyes lit up. "Dreamscape? Is it... here? Am I dreaming right now?"

"Who knows. Weren't you the one who invited me?"

"I didn't... Oh! The incantation!"

Bill tilted his head, slightly, and smiled. It had the intended effect: Stanford stared at him with clear signs of infatuation in his eyes. These dumb humans were really all the same! One glance from Bill, and they fell in love. Boooring!

"I believe you found the cave?"

"I did! So you're the cryptid they were warning about! I can't believe you're so beautiful!" The second he said those words, Stanford's eyes widened with horror. "Oh no, pretend you didn't hear that! I mean... Oh!"

He looked so embarrassed, the poor baby! He was so pure and stupid, it was Bill who couldn't believe how perfect he was! Now how to use him to build the portal...

"Don't burden your sweet little mind with those pesky morals, my friend." Bill pulled on his hand and made him spin around in a simulacrum of a dance. "Everything goes and nothing matters in the mind! Dreams are made to be fulfilled after all!"

Round and round, they danced under the cheesy moonlight, under the candy stars and the all-eyes trees. Bill laughed and laughed. How fresh, how novel! This human was a good puppet to waltz with, he had so many clumsy limbs and shy mannerisms! The six-fingered hands didn't make a move to detach themselves from Bill's claws. It was as if Stanford was asking for it, really!

Bill stopped their merry-go-round and let Stanford catch his breath. The poor lad was struggling to stand straight.

"A little out of breath, huh? You should exercise more, Stanford!"

"I do... exercise..." Stanford coughed. "It's just... you! You... take... my... breath... away!"

There was a moment of fleeting consideration, of silent wonder coming from both sides: Stanford to have uttered such a bold claim with so little preparation, and Bill to have heard those words displayed in that exact order. How amusing! This little human thought he was being so smooth right now, didn't he? Was it a conscious choice or a coincidence? Maybe he was more... aware of this situation than Bill thought. It would be so funny if that bland man was a playboy in disguise!

"I'm so sorry!" Maybe not. "I didn't want to say that... I wasn't trying to..."

"I think I know exactly what you were trying to say." Bill leaned over this blushing mess of a man, grabbed his chin in his hand and smiled. They were so close he could count every hair in Stanford's nostrils. "I don't mind. I even find it rather... alluring."

"You... do?" Stanford was trembling. Like putty in his hands, Bill thought with satisfaction. This man was a fool.

"So, what were you doing in the cave? You managed to summon me so I guess you must have some level of intelligence compared to all the other humans who tried to summon me before, am I right?"

"How many people tried to summon you before?" Stanford frowned. He didn't seem too pleased to learn he wasn't the first.

"A ton. One guy every other decade, but they were all too dumb to succeed." It was a lie. No one touched this damn cave since Modoc's fellow clanspeople sealed it and ran away after leaving a warning for the future generations. It irritated Bill to no end, but fortunately (or unfortunately, considering all the failures) Bill found other ways to come and bedazzle the world, sometimes quite literally.

"Fascinating!" Stanford reached for his notebook and opened it. Bill glanced at the pages: they were covered with various scribbles and notes about a place named Gravity Falls and... monsters? "Can you tell me more about you and this place? Are you a projection of my mind or a cryptid that haunts dreams? Are you affiliated with the Greek god Morpheus or the Japanese cryptid Baku? Your appearance is so striking too! Is that real clothes you put on yourself or are they parts of your original body?"

"Whoa, whoa, calm down, Tiger!" Bill took a step back and floated around to evade Stanford's intrusive approach. "You sound like a lunatic, and I know what I'm talking about, I'm quite the lunatic myself!"

"I'm sorry!" The sheepish look came back in force. "I always get very... intense about my research."

"What are you searching for, the meaning of life?"

"Somewhat." Stanford sighed. "I'm a scholar. I study cryptids and their connection to the world. They... fascinate me. Anything strange does."

"You're quite the strange fella yourself. I like your fingers."

"Thank you." Stanford smiled at last. "I like your eye. Do you have only one? What's under the bangs?"

"I'd tell you, but that'd warp your mind, Stan."

"Stan?"

"Is that not your name? Stan-ford?"

"I'd prefer Ford, to be honest." Ford lowered his head. "Stan is... not a name I'm used to."

"Ford, huh?" Bill's eye crinkled in glee. How interesting! Was it really a preference or was there a story behind this? "I like it, it rolls on the tongue." Talking of tongue, he opened his mouth and clicked his tongue against his teeth. Ford stared.

"You have a blue tongue," he remarked. "And such pointy teeth! Are you carnivorous?"

"What if I am?" Bill made a large grin. "Aren't you scared? I could be a flesh-eating monster trying to lure you into my mouth!"

"I doubt it." Ford's gaze was very insistent. "I'm defenseless right now. If you wanted to eat me, you would have done that already when I was asleep. Aren't we in a dream anyway? Unless you're a Baku, I don't think you'll eat me."

"You're an optimistic guy, aren't you?"

"I prefer to call myself observant and prepared. Now that I know that cryptids can interact in dreams too, should I find a way to defend myself? There are several magical items I can use to reinforce my mental barriers..."

This guy knew magic? What a find! Bill cackled.

"So, you're a mage, Fordsy?"

"What did you call me?"

"Isn't it cute? I like the face that you make when I say it. Ford. Fordsy. That's so adorable!"

"Oh. Uh... I'm a grown man, though."

His neck and face were so red! What a wonderful color, Bill thought.

"It doesn't matter to me. How old are you anyway? Forty?"

"I'm twenty-eight. I'm a fully grown adult of my species."

"And your point is? I'm a trillion years old, you're nothing but a baby to me!"

"A... trillion... years?"

"More or less. It gets confusing after the first few millennia."

"It's... it's..."

"Impressive, huh?"

"Astounding!" Ford's eyes were shining. "You're older than our planet! Older than our galaxy! You must have so much knowledge and wisdom compared to anyone in the universe!"

Ford's enthusiasm took Bill by surprise, but he couldn't say he disliked it.

"You're right! Aren't I great? I'm akin to a god! You should worship me!"

"It's so fascinating! I never met a god before! There were instances where some cryptids were treated as such, but those ones were much less ancient than you! Even the oldest vampire has only a few centuries under his belt! Your very existence could shake the foundations of our civilization!"

Ah, the smell of a fresh new devout. Bill missed it. When was the last time he had human followers? A few decades ago? Humans and their beliefs. Hilarious, really.

"I heard my beauty inspired a few poets and bards." Bill smirked. It was so easy to dupe people with his glamour! A few smiles, a side glance, and they all fell under his spell. Beauty was in the eye of the beholder, but with Bill's ability, the eye was seeing exactly what it wanted to see at the right moment.

"I would love to hear their poems and songs, but I'm sure they didn't do you justice. You're much more stunning than anything a human could ever produce."

Gosh, this guy was hooked, what a surprise. People like him had the tendency to listen to their desires, whatever their nature. In the case of humans, Bill quickly learned they were often centered around three things: power, money and sex. The power aspect he could relate to; the money, though useful, could only go so far; but sex? Lust? What a bummer. Bill didn't really see the appeal, yet it was more often than not even more alluring than power or money. Those sacks of flesh and hormones were all equal in front of their sexual urges, especially after they happened to meet the person that embodied the perfect partner they envisioned in their mind.

How predictable. How boring.

"Aren't I?" He smiled again. "Won't you love to see and hear more about me?"

"Yes," Ford breathed. "I'd love to."

See? Too easy.

"We'd better get comfortable." Bill snapped his fingers. A table and two chairs appeared, along with a few more objects: a teapot, two cups, two spoons and everything they needed to have some tea. Another snap of fingers later, the table got overflowed with a large variety of sweet and savory snacks. He smiled. "Shall we have some tea?"

Chapter Text

Metallos was a genocidal bastard Bill had the displeasure of meeting while he was trying to find a way to navigate through the dimensions that welcomed his 2-D body. He was a huge ball of metal with several limbs protruding from his main body, an abomination of a robot that was once the beloved creation of a mad scientist who believed he could become a god. Too bad for him: the artificial intelligence that powered his most prized robot got out of control and ended up killing him and the rest of the local population. Tale as old as time, right.

Bill didn't stay in this dimension more than necessary: as soon as he saw how batshit crazy Metallos was, he tried to retreat to the next destination but this son of a toaster wouldn't let him go! They could be the masters of the universe, Metallos said. Together, they were assured to rule over the dimensions and impose their law to the other gods. Well, not on Bill's watch! He wasn't good at sharing and he would absolutely not let a bunch of clogs and iron plates tell him what he could or couldn't do!

The chase made them pass through several dimensions, some of them not at all made for creatures with physical bodies, yet they somehow never got erased from existence. Bill was getting tired of the harassment; at one point, he almost thought of letting Metallos capture him. That was, until he reached a new dimension that was not at all like the others.

This new place was strangely located between two of the dimensions Bill already visited, but he didn't remember it being there before. It was a whirlwind of a place, a nebulous location that encompassed several galaxies and planes at the same time, and yet it didn't seem to have a tangible existence by itself. Bill hid there for a few years before he even thought of coming out. By the time he did that, Metallos was gone and he didn't hear about him again for a long time.

Time passed differently there, Bill learned it soon enough. Not that it bothered him: his own nature didn't care about the passage of time like mortals did. There was something odd about that place though, a certain... presence that made it tolerable yet creepy. This dimension was sentient, not enough to generate a godly presence but it was self-conscious enough to reject Bill when he tried to devour it. How interesting!

Bill decided to use it as his headquarters: it would be the dimension he returned to after his travels, the one place where he could organize his thoughts and rest before going to another trip. He spent centuries like that, going on and off the dimension and staying in this special place when he wasn't in the mood for exploration. After a few centuries, he established a routine and named the dimension the Nightmare Realm, just because he could (and it was a badass name, he thought). It was his turf, his kingdom, the place where he was the absolute leader and chief (with the reluctant permission of the dimension itself).

Millennia passed again. Bill acquired countless powers, countless followers and minions that all came to live in the Nightmare Realm, and all was well.

Until it wasn't anymore and the Nightmare Realm was on the brink of destruction.

ΔΔΔΔΔΔ

Ford's dreams were always an amalgamation of his memories and the theories that lived in his head at all times. Bill learned to differentiate between the two at an early stage. It was easy: his memories were serious and sad, his theories were odd and whimsical. Such a contrast between the two, like the very nature of that man!

Ford was easy to read and to manipulate, there was no doubt about it. He was a hopeless dreamer and a pure man, to the point of being a caricature. He loved and lived like he thought, with all the intensity of a child that just discovered he had the freedom to act as he pleased. Every new discovery was a wonder; every step in the process of his research was insightful and interesting and revolutionary. A child in every sense of the world, except for his body.

And boy, did he have a fascinating body, full of flesh and organs and fingers. Lots of fingers. Delightfully so.

"Bill..."

The moan came out of Ford's mouth in a matter of seconds. Bill was just trying to observe his fingers, nothing scandalous! Why were these humans so receptive, so... sensitive when he touched them?

"Hold on, Fordsy, I didn't get a good look of your pinkie yet!"

"Please, my Muse..."

Another blush, another moan. This guy was so predictable! Bill stroke the top of his right hand with his own fingers: that elicited a gasp and a subtle look of panic coming from his human. How fun!

"Do you like it when I caress your hands?"

"Yes," Ford breathed between his gritted teeth. Was he trying to suppress his moans? How cute.

"You should let them out," Bill remarked.

"What?"

"Your little cries. They're cute."

The sudden rush of adrenaline was obvious: Ford's eyes widened until they almost popped out of their sockets. Bill took a firm grip on his hands in case he tried to retract them. The effect was immediate: Ford tried to hide his face against his shoulder, but it was an awkward pose that didn't do much to cover whatever emotion it was showing.

"Please don't tease me." Ford whispered those words in a vain attempt to regain control of the situation. That was something Bill understood very well but he was not the kind of person who would deny himself such a simple pleasure. Teasing this silly human was a treat, always.

"Don't you like it when I touch you?"

"I..."

"Don't you like me?"

That was it: the dreaded phrase that Ford hated to hear. He who needed words of validation from his Muse to consolidate his ego, couldn't bear when others were the same. He stopped trying to hide and gripped Bill's hand in turn.

"Of course I like you!" When he realized what he said, he blushed even harder. "I mean, you're so... lovable?"

Those were words Bill certainly never heard about his real appearance underneath the glamour. He chuckled: how stupid. Ford didn't know what he was saying, that was an evidence. Poor guy.

"You think so?" Bill tilted his head, blinked his eye. The perfect image of innocent wonder. "Do you really think I'm pretty?"

"I didn't say..." Oh boy, oh dear, this guy was too much. "I mean... You are pretty..."

"And charming?" A nod. "And fuckable?"

"Bill!"

"What? It's true! I had my fair share of admirers, and lovers, and..."

A frown, a sigh, all the signs of a jealous man. Bill loved when they were like that. Jealousy was just the other side of infatuation. The desire to possess, to own something or someone, was too powerful to ignore. With his glamour, it was a sure way to ensure the human he was courting fell under his spell. A bewitched human would more likely than not do whatever Bill wanted.

"You deserve so much more than shallow admirers," Ford said in a heated breath. "You're so much more than that, my Muse!"

"Am I?" Bill grinned. This was too easy. "Didn't you say that I was lovable? Love and lust go together, it's a well-known fact for humans."

"Not for me." That was a good and noble affirmation, but the intense blush and the increased heart rate was telling otherwise. Nonetheless, Bill decided to humor him.

"Really? I'm so happy! That means you really, really love me, don't you, Fordsy?"

"I... am very attached to you. I care for you deeply, Bill, and..."

"And?"

"I don't want to reduce what we have to just lust and infatuation. It's so much more than that for me!"

"Is it?"

"Yes. Absolutely."

"What is it, then?"

"What?"

"What you feel for me. I'd love to hear about it. I'd love to hear about your feelings, Fordsy."

Another gasp, this time louder. Ford didn't try to hide his reactions anymore, it seemed. Bill got closer to him. With a snap of his fingers, he generated a king-size bed on which he pushed the other man. Ford landed in the middle with a loud thud.

Quick, before he could escape, Bill jumped on him and strapped him under his legs, one on each side of his human's body. The blush on Ford's face increased in size.

"Bill! What are you doing?"

"Look at me." Bill winked. "Look at my body. Isn't it lovely?"

"That's irrelevant!"

"You're wrong." Bill giggled. How futile! They all wanted that, men and women, or whatever gender this wretched species included. Those desires were confusing, but that didn't mean Bill didn't understand it to some extent. Tale as old as time. This facet of humans' existence was somewhat interesting, if only to make a point: that all those silly people were slaves to the immediate consumption of pleasure that was what they called sex.

"Bill, please!"

"Relax, Fordsy! We can have so much fun together!"

"I don't want to!"

"Really?" Bill smirked, then looked down. There was a noticeable bulge in front of Ford's pants. He touched it with the tip of his finger. "That's not what I'm seeing right now."

Ford blocked the demon's hand before another moan passed his mouth. Bill rolled his eye. What a prude. Was he a virgin? That was a hilarious possibility, judging by the way he was reacting.

"How many?"

"What?"

"How many lovers did you have before me? Human ones, I mean."

Bill scoffed. Would you look at that, the old human jealousy was rearing its ugly head again. This guy was all the flavors of the jealous men Bill seduced before: arrogant, possessive and full of their own importance. It would be so damn easy to coax him into believing he was better than the others, more capable, more powerful, the only one worthy of Bill's love and devotion.

How boring.

"I don't know? I lived for a long time, you know. I stopped counting after a few hundreds of them."

That would push him to the edge, to be sure. "How dare that creature have other lovers before. How dare he have a life before their planet even existed, yadda yadda." Bill knew the drill, he had centuries of experience with jealous men and their silly views on love and ownership.

"I'm sorry."

Well, that was new. Bill stared at the human under him.

"Huh? What's to be sorry for?"

"Isn't it... painful? To love and lose all those people you cared about?"

"Are you seriously thinking that?"

Ford looked away.

"I think... I think this kind of existence must be... lonely. Granted, I don't have much experience in the department of love, but... I can imagine how it is to love so many people and lose them so quickly. Well..." He chuckled. "I guess. Maybe I'm being delusional. I never had a lover before, and certainly not someone like you. Those people were so lucky to have known and loved and be loved by you. I envy them. I envy every single person who ever met and loved you."

That wasn't exactly what Bill was expecting coming from a virgin recluse who lived alone in the forest. That was certainly not the face he thought Ford would make after hearing about Bill's past lovers. That was... weird.

"Why are you crying?" Bill said, confused. What now?

Ford touched his own face, slowly, and marveled at the tears that coaxed his fingers.

"Oh."

"You're funny. Why so sad? Because of my exes? Those people are just relics of the past. I don't even remember the majority of their faces or names anymore."

"That's even sadder."

Ford shook his head. His eyes were fixed on Bill's face, for some reason.

"What?"

"Nothing. I just think you're beautiful."

"Of course I am!" Bill chuckled, but he felt... nervous, even nauseous for a moment. This nerd was being weird again. Which should be good for him, but now... There was something abruptly sweet about this, something that Bill hated with the force of a supernova.

So weird.

Ford stared lovingly at him.

"I don't mind the more physical aspect of our relationship," he said. "I think it's a good opportunity for me to discover new horizons, so to say. I fear that wouldn't be to your advantage, though. I'm hardly an expert in lovemaking."

"Whoa, you're already at this stage?" Bill grinned. That was going fast; usually, guys without a former taste of men were more reluctant to let themselves start an affair with a being that was so clearly male in appearance. "Do you like men then?"

"I'm not sure." Ford's blush came back. "I never tried it. I did engage in the courting of a girl in high school, but it was not conclusive. After that, I was simply too busy to even think about love."

"What about your college years? Your roommate? Young men are quick to experiment during college!"

"Not me. I didn't have any time to lose."

"Boooring!"

"It must be so for you." Ford sighed. "That's why I'm telling you, you don't have to engage in such acts with me. It wouldn't be... fun for you, and I know how much you love fun."

"Sure! Fun is great! But you know what's better?"

Ford frowned.

"What?"

"Getting someone to find out about something fun they never knew before!"

"You just invented that."

"What if I did? That wouldn't make it any less fun!"

"That makes no sense."

"Hah! Look at me, Mr No-Fun-Stanford! I want to refuse a wonderful opportunity and die a virgin! I'm such an idiot!"

"I don't talk like that!"

"Tell yourself that, Virgin Boy!"

"I love you."

"Huh?"

What was going on? They were having so much fun with their playful banter, why did the mood suddenly shift? This human was too confusing!

Ford sighed and started his explanation.

"I know it's terribly arrogant of me to even entertain the idea of such intense and intrusive feelings for you, and I conceive that it's a reality that will only hurt me in the long run, not to mention you, but this is purely for the sake of my tranquility of mind. I don't require any return from you whatsoever. I don't mind if the feelings you have for me are way tamer than mine, I expect it, to be honest. How such a brilliant and marvelous being like you could ever find a lesser specimen like me attractive is not even a rhetorical question, it is a non-existent concept by itself. I know you need my assistance to create the portal that will allow the world to meet your superior entity, I'm willing to dedicate my entire life to that endeavor. What I meant, is, uh..."

Ford's face contorted into a painful expression for a split second, then he regained his calm demeanor and gave a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"I don't want this, Bill. I don't want to start something physical if you don't feel the same as me. I'd rather devote myself to you as a concept and help you without having to sleep with you."

"You... don't want my body?"

"No. What I want is you, but I feel like it's not what you're willing to give. Am I right?"

How weird. How weird. How weird! This human was weird! This human rejected the idea of having sex with Bill and that never happened before! It must have been a mistake, a bad calculation, anything but... that! No one refused to have sex with him! Ford just needed to be seduced harder!

"You're making a mistake."

"I don't think so."

"It's not even physical! We're in your dreams! There's no shame in having sex in your dreams, it doesn't happen for real!"

"I told you, it's not about the physical part."

"So what? You're telling me you want me to love you to have sex with you? That's ridiculous! Who does that?"

"I do."

"Nonsense!"

"Bill..."

The air became crisp, unnaturally so. A storm was brewing and it was not looking pretty. Bill cinched Ford's body with his legs and fully sat on his crotch. The human's erection was deflating; that didn't discourage him at all. Bill pushed against him, ground his genitals against his, as he did so many times before to seduce his former lovers. Men loved when he rubbed their genitals with his. In this dreamscape, he could do anything and the result would be the same: they would feel the sensations of their body as if it was real. Bill's body was real in their mind and the pleasure he gave was real too.

Humans' synapses were a funny thing. Easy to trick, too.

"So, you have something to say now, Lover Boy?"

Ford didn't move, didn't flinch; his eyes, wide open and unwavering, were staring at Bill. There was no sound, no excessive breathing, only the eyes of a human laid on him, devoid of anything remotely human about them. How odd. How strange, and how unusual. Bill hated to be stared at. He covered Ford's face with his hands.

"Bill?"

"It's your fault. You were staring."

"I'm sorry."

"Why aren't you hard?" It was true. Ford's erection was completely down. "Men love it when I touch them! When I look at them!"

"Do you love it?"

"What? What does it matter?"

Ford grabbed Bill's hands and slowly moved them away from his face.

"What do you want, Bill?"

"Hey, I'm the one asking the questions!"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop being sorry! Aaargh!!"

It was so frustrating, so infuriating! Who did this human think he was, such a waste of his time! No one ever made him so mad in so little time! This failure of a human male was really testing his patience!

"I'm the most beautiful creature you laid your eyes upon, you told me so yourself!"

"You are. The most exquisite, intriguing and lovely being in my universe."

"If that so, why don't you react? Why aren't you jumping my bones? Are you fucking impotent?! No wait, you just had an erection, that's not it... What the fuck do you want from me?"

"I'm..." It sounded like Ford wanted to say he was sorry again, but stopped before the words reached his mouth. Bill was glad he chose to shut up: he couldn't stand another pathetic apology again! He slapped Ford's hands off his own. There was no way a mere human rejected him! His glamour was the most powerful of all the dimensions he had visited!

For this reason, he decided to step up his game a bit. Ford was already lying on the bed, but it was hardly enough to turn him on, it seemed. Bill put his hands on each side of his head and smirked.

"You're really something, huh, Fordsy?"

"Bill?"

A brush on his cheek, lovingly, a caress. Nothing aggressive or hasty, just a touch against his skin, to make him feel the warmth of another person. Ford shuddered.

"Do you feel it, Fordsy? My desire for you."

This body was but a mere projection of whatever Bill wanted it to be. Humans' physical reaction to desire and pleasure was easy to reproduce: for a man, it all turned around his dick. To prove he was interested, he needed to engorge his dick with blood and make it leak with semen. Once his partner released his own sexual fluids, it would be time for Bill's dick to shoot the sticky liquid that humans used to procreate. It was disgusting and useless if you asked him, but that was something he had to do to make sure Ford thought he was into him. Humans were so repulsive, with their organs that could change shape and size and their fluids and stuff that came out from their pores and diverse orifices.

Ford froze, for some inexplicable reason.

"Sixer?"

"Call me by my name."

"What, Fordsy?"

A sigh. What the hell was wrong with this guy? Bill thrust against him. With his erection in full blast, it was obvious how turned on he was. That should do the trick, right? Ford was visibly attracted to him, it should elicit some sort of reaction!

"Is this what you want?" Ford asked, his voice hoarse with emotion.

"Of course!"

"I see."

Bill didn't know what he was seeing, but it shouldn't be important enough to stop what they were doing. Ford stopped moving; if anything, he looked like he was submitting to Bill. Good! They were both agreeing on this stupid thing and now, they would do it and it would be spectacular as always! Bill couldn't wait to complete this pesky step in their relationship so they could move forward in his plans!

"So, how do you want to do it? Missionary? Amazon-style? Whatever strikes your fancy, Big Boy!"

"How do you do it?"

"Me?"

"Yes."

"Oh." What a weird question. "I don't know, men like to dominate me so I guess I go on my knees and beg for more? Is that what you want? Freaky! One moment, let me get into the mood." A cough, just to test his voice. "Oh, yes, fuck me, master! I can't wait to feel your humongous cock inside me! Fill me up with your love stick!"

"That's... creative." Ford's face looked like a sunset of red hues. "Should we undress?"

"That's rather the point! Here, let me help!"

A snap of fingers later revealed their naked form to each other. Ford stared again. Creepy! Bill giggled: that was exactly the reaction he was waiting for! Ford's erection stood against his own, hot and full of vigor.

"Oh, neat! It's so big!"

"Don't look!" Ford hid his face behind his hands.

"That would be hard. Hihi... hard!" Yeah, Bill was hilarious. "Wanna see me suck on it, Big Guy?"

"Do you want to?"

That silly question again! Bill didn't understand why this guy couldn't just enjoy the ride. Usually, men like him loved to be in charge! They loved to have a god at their knees, begging for their precious cock to satisfy their needs! Ford's ego was no different from any of the other men he met before, he was sure of it. Why wasn't he jumping on the opportunity to defile a deity?

There was a fleeting expression on Ford's face, a second of intensity that eluded Bill. What was going on? The next thing he knew, Ford grabbed him by his neck and made him lower down his head to kiss him. The kiss was mediocre, a rough bump of lips with no technique or finesse whatsoever. Bill grinned through it: that was more like it!

"Yeees," he moaned. "Hmm, yeah, touch me here... It feels so good, Fordsy..."

Or whatever. Bill muttered a series of nonsensical sentences just for the heck of it. Humans loved when he was vocal. They loved to hear their lover moan and beg for more. Ford started to caress his body, from the neck to his chest, lower and lower until he stopped at his hips. Their dicks rubbed against each other; Bill made a point to make his leak a little for show. He should also start to self-lubricate: men didn't always like when it was dry down there. Being the perfect little lover was hard work.

"Hmm, Fordsy, I want you... Fuck me... I want you in me!"

Ford frowned. There was a second of hesitation, then he sighed and pulled Bill on the bed to lay him down on his back. Missionary, then? That was a boring choice, but he supposed it was less scary for a virgin. He spread his legs; from now on, he only needed to go through the motions. His entrance was already wet.

"Take me!"

That should be fast. Ford was a virgin with no experience, he wouldn't last long after all. Bill put on a seductive face, his eye moist and his mouth open in a long moan. The face of a slut begging to be fucked. It was his best role so far: the powerful god who was all weak and horny with the special human he chose to spread his word and change the world for the better. What a blast! That should be enough to bind this pitiful man to him for good.

"My Muse..."

Well, Ford was sure taking his time. Bill repressed the urge to yawn. He had other things to do, dammit! Was his human having second thoughts? It was unacceptable!

"Fordsy, hurry!"

"I'm... doing my best to... Hmm..."

Moaning? Ford shouldn't moan when he didn't even put his dick inside! What was he doing? Bill glanced at the human. He thought he would find him trying to keep his erection in check (some humans were "fast-paced") but what he saw made him tick with confusion.

Ford was fingering himself.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

The small smile Ford gave him didn't answer his question at all. Ford put his legs on each side of Bill's waist, much like Bill did earlier, and started to lower down his body.

"Hey, wait a minute, what are you doing?!"

"Aren't we... having sex?"

"Yes, but... It's not supposed to happen like that!"

Ford's trembling laugh was so weird to hear.

"Let me do this for you, my Muse."

"Huh?"

Ford took hold of Bill's dick, oriented it until it reached the entrance of his body. Bill noticed it was covered in a transparent fluid. A simple glance at the bed made him know the reason: there was a half-empty vial of lubricant laying on the side. Ford had prepared himself during the last few minutes.

"Where the hell did you find that?" Bill frowned.

"I'm a fast... learner." Ford gasped. Bill's dick was already half inside. "I conjured it. It is my... dreamscape after all. Oh God!"

One last thrust, and there he was, all impaled onto Bill's throbbing flesh stick. That felt so... weird. Bill blinked.

"Hey, you okay up there?"

"I feel full." Ford's flushed face was almost painful to see. "Can you wait a little... I need to adjust..."

That didn't look pleasurable at all. Bill lowered his legs to give Ford the space to position himself better, but that only made his human fell harder on his dick. Ford whined in pain.

"Hey, don't force yourself! Are you okay?" Bill didn't want to break his precious scientist before he finished the portal!

"It's my first time, I guess it's normal it hurts a little." Ford smiled through the pain. Where did he find the will to smile? What a cuckoo!

"You know you don't need to hurt, right?" Bill pursed his lips. "You should have just fucked me, I wouldn't have minded! Or at least, let me alter the nerves in your body to make you feel good!"

"No!"

"What?"

Ford shook his head.

"I just need to relax my muscles. I want to experience the real thing without any other interference. It may be the only time I'd be this close to you."

"It doesn't need to be? I can have sex with you at any time, you know! Just say the word!"

"I don't want to!"

Ford's stare was upsetting, for some reason. Bill stopped moving to observe him.

"I want to do this in my own terms," Ford sighed. "Please, let me do this for you."

"For me? What do you mean, for me?"

Instead of answering, Ford leaned over Bill and kissed him softly on the lips. Then, he started to move.

It was strange at first. Bill didn't remember making use of this part of his glamour before, or if he did so it was with so little impact he never thought it could be relevant in any way. The humans he found to build the portal were almost all men; the rare cases when he had women or some other combination to work with, he used his mouth and hands to pleasure them. Putting his dick to use as intended for a human was a novel experience, and not something he liked, he discovered. Ford was clumsy and horrible at being penetrated. He used too much force to fall on his partner's crotch, his face was contorted in pain and the friction his movements caused didn't even feel that good! In the end, Bill had enough and decided to take care of that thing himself. It was taking so much time already! It was seriously pissing him off!

"Fuck it, I'm in charge now!"

He grabbed his human's wrists and thrust at once. Ford let out a pitiful cry.

"Bill!"

"Don't patronize me! I'm not just your local dream demon, I'm also an expert in the matters of love!"

Or something. It was totally untrue and Bill couldn't care less about humans and their gross sexual needs, but Ford didn't need to know that, right? He was the one Bill was trying to manipulate, that stupid freak! If he wanted to be fucked like an animal to become Bill's perfect little scientist, so be it! He would have the best orgasm of his life!

Finding the right spot was tricky. Bill didn't have one and he certainly never cared enough to investigate, but he did watch a few of the Henchmaniacs' orgies and some of the people who fucked him did have a semblance of experience about sex. It wasn't much, but it should suffice for a virgin. Not that he cared but a well-fucked human was always happy to work more.

"Bill!"

There, Ford's dick twitched when Bill pushed at this exact angle. Another thrust, to test the waters; then another, because Ford reacted positively and was moaning twice as before. His entrance was tight, but less so than a few minutes ago. There was something going on here and to be honest, Bill was starting to have fun. Each move, each thrust made Ford cry out in pleasure. His eyes were unfocused; his mouth let out series after series of gasps, moans and grunts that were quite nice to hear, surprisingly. When he finally started to drool and his eyes practically rolled behind his skull, Bill knew he had succeeded: his human was climaxing. Another thrust, this one deeper than the others, and Ford screamed one last time before semen squirted out of his dick. Bill's own cock was squeezed tight; he continued to push inside for a few seconds more.

Something was coming. Bill felt it in his guts: he knew this strange tightness that contracted his core and pricked the inside of his glamour in the most bizarre sensation he ever experimented in his long life. It reminded him of a distant memory, one night when he was but a small triangle looking for his parents at night, and he found them stuck against each other, undulating under the light...

Ford's soft moan pulled Bill out of his stupor. He realized with horror that the human was falling on him so he opened his arms and hugged him. Ford's mouth brushed his face; his ragged breath tickled his ear.

"Love you... I love you, Bill..."

A shiver. The vision of light. Bill closed his eye and whined. Ford's pulse was raging at the surface of his skin. One last thrust; the part of the glamour that was Bill's dick throbbed.

A few heartbeats later, Bill calmed down and realized he just came inside Ford's body.

He came.

Oh.

It was... weird. Weird, unusual, abnormal even. It never happened before, not like that anyway.

Oh.

"Bill?"

"I... I gotta go!"

No time for an explanation or a glance, only panic and fear: Bill pushed Ford away and snapped his fingers. The dreamscape became tortuous, twisted into the inside of a human body, bloody and sore. Ford screamed; Bill screamed; every single cell in this giant organism screamed.

Bill vanished out of the dreamscape, leaving Ford behind.

Chapter Text

"Drink your special juice," Mama said, like she did every morning since their visit to the doctor. "It's good for you."

ΔΔΔΔΔΔ took the glass in his hands and frowned. There was no silly straw in it. His mother seemed to notice because she sighed and opened a drawer. The straw was neon pink, a color that ΔΔΔΔΔΔ loved.

"Here, sweetie, your silly straw, just like you like it."

There was nothing else to do but to drink the concoction. ΔΔΔΔΔΔ tried to buy himself some time by blowing on the liquid with his straw, but his mother caught him doing it and scolded him.

"ΔΔΔΔΔΔ, you promised me! Drink your special juice now!"

"But Mama, it's yucky!"

"It's not, dear, it's good for you."

Her sigh was so loud ΔΔΔΔΔΔ felt guilty and immediately put the straw in his mouth. The liquid was bitter and spicy at the same time, which were two tastes he hated! It was reddish in color, had a syrupy texture that felt very unpleasant on the tongue. The smell reminded him of the rotten fruits he sometimes saw on the ground of their neighbor's garden, when they didn't have the time to pick the fruits before they went bad under the sun.

"Ew!" he spouted, his little tongue out to show his disgust. "Mama, it's bad!"

"ΔΔΔΔΔΔ!" This time, Mama got all red from anger. "Drink it! It's to cure you from your sickness!"

"I'm not sick!" ΔΔΔΔΔΔ pouted. "I feel fine!"

"You are, sweetie." Mama deflated in no time. She never stayed angry very long. "We told you, it's for your own good. You can't continue saying all these horrible things about Up."

"They're not horrible, they're pretty!" ΔΔΔΔΔΔ giggled. Mama was so weird! Up was pretty, Up was the most beautiful thing in their entire world! They were so shiny, so big and real! How could she say that when she never saw them?

"The doctor said you shouldn't say those things, sweetie."

Mama looked around. She was probably afraid someone would hear them. The last time ΔΔΔΔΔΔ talked about Up to someone at the kindergarten, they called the doctor and ΔΔΔΔΔΔ was sent to the hospital with other people who screamed in the night and made all sorts of odd noises. It was so scary! After that, Papa and Mama were called to the doctor's office and now ΔΔΔΔΔΔ had to drink this weird liquid that smelled rotten and tasted like the most yucky thing in the universe, because the doctor said so.

ΔΔΔΔΔΔ didn't want to upset Mama again, so he forced himself to drink the liquid even if it made his eye sting and his body tingle in pain. It was for his own good, he repeated in his head at every gulp. Mama and Papa wanted his eye to heal so he would be normal like the other children. When ΔΔΔΔΔΔ's eye would be right again, they would all live happily ever after! Though he wouldn't be able to see the stars again...

Mama was relieved to see him drink with so much gusto. ΔΔΔΔΔΔ drank slowly, the most slow he ever drank something, and waited. After he finished two third of his glass, Mama would turn around and reach for his breakfast. It was the moment he was waiting for: as soon as her eye turned on the other side, ΔΔΔΔΔΔ took the glass and threw the remaining content inside the potted plant next to the table. The liquid soon disappeared inside the pot. The soil became reddish before settling on a muddy brown.

"Oh, you drank everything to the last drop, that's very good, sweetie!" Mama smiled. She was very happy. "Here, a special sandwich for a special shape! I took out the crust as you like!"

"Yay!"

ΔΔΔΔΔΔ felt a little bad he lied to Mama, but it was worth it: the liquid was so so yucky! It made him feel weird too. He didn't like it one bit.

"Once you finish your breakfast and Papa comes home, we will go to a special place together."

"Where?"

"You'll see. It's a surprise."

ΔΔΔΔΔΔ didn't say anything. He liked surprises before, but not anymore since the doctor gave his parents the "special juice" to drink. This abominable liquid was supposed to be a nice surprise too.

Papa came home exactly the moment ΔΔΔΔΔΔ finished brushing his teeth after breakfast. He went directly to kiss his son on the top of his angles.

"Hi, ΔΔΔΔΔΔ. How do you feel today?"

"Good?"

Papa and Mama exchanged a strange look.

"That's weird," Papa said. "Shouldn't he..."

"He drinks his juice every morning to the last drop!" Mama said. "He should be cured by now!"

"Maybe the doctor was right." Papa sighed. He looked annoyed. "The meeting is scheduled anyway. They will help us."

"I'm not sure." Mama rubbed ΔΔΔΔΔΔ's side. "He's so young. Should we really let him meet... Them?"

"Who's Them?"

Papa lightly touched ΔΔΔΔΔΔ's other side.

"Don't worry, sweetie. Papa and Mama only want what's good for you."

"I know. You say that all the time!"

"He's right." Mama stuck to ΔΔΔΔΔΔ's other side. "We love you with all our surface, sweetie. We will never hurt you."

"I know, Mama."

They came out of the house together to enter their vehicle. That meant they would go very far away from home! They never took the vehicle, except for very long distances. Papa drove and Mama sang. It was long, very long, so long ΔΔΔΔΔΔ fell asleep after an hour. He was feeling drowsy anyway, like every time he drank the special juice.

When he woke up, there was no sun in the sky anymore, but the light was still very much present. Mama pushed him outside the car.

"Here, sweetie, you must go alone."

"Mama?" ΔΔΔΔΔΔ felt so sleepy. He didn't finish his nap. His one eye closed again and again; Mama had to shake him to keep him awake.

"Sweetie, you must go! They're waiting!"

"Who are They?"

ΔΔΔΔΔΔ looked at his parents. They were trembling in fear.

"Papa? Mama?"

"We'll wait for you here, sweetie!"

"Where's here?"

Where was he? ΔΔΔΔΔΔ looked around. He didn't recognize the surroundings: instead of the flat line that constituted the horizon and the entirety of their world, he was in front of a strange line that wasn't quite flat or straight. The sound that came out of it didn't resemble anything ΔΔΔΔΔΔ ever heard before. It was soothing and terrifying at the same time, it was calm and angry, it was every stage of every feeling ever and that made him feel... weird.

The line undulated. It was huge, bigger that the horizon, bigger that all the things that were Up. It shined and vibrated and it was almost blinding. It made ΔΔΔΔΔΔ's eye hurt.

"Hello?"

The line opened up, and...

ΔΔΔΔΔΔ

The moment Bill stormed into the Nightmare Realm, a series of explosions spontaneously thundered around the dimension. The few Henchmaniacs present hid in fear or tried to make themselves small enough not to be noticed (or so they hoped). The usual asteroids that floated around started to move in a quick pace, as if they were kicked. All in all, the general feelings inside the dimension replicated Bill's, which were anger, confusion, shame for some reason, and even more anger. Bill couldn't keep them all in check so he let them out, and the result was the Nightmare Realm's adherence to his own state of mind.

Ford was an idiot. He was a brilliant scientist, no doubt about that, but he was also the biggest, most shameless, most undisputed moron of this millennia! Who in their right mind offered their ass to their "Muse"? No one did that! No one ever offered that to Bill in all the hundreds of times he found a guy intelligent and foolish enough to accept to build a portal for him!

Did he miscalculate? What did this stupid human think when he submitted himself to the likes of Bill? It was just supposed to be an easy lay, how could Bill be overpowered and manipulated by a mere human with a hero complex and the naivete of a little kid? Was he finally going insane?

"Huh, Boss?"

The brave soul who came fishing for information was Keyhole. The poor fool was trembling from head to toe. It wasn't in his nature to be so courageous; was he forced by the others? Whatever the reason, Bill was not feeling like a patient triangle right now. He pointed his finger at Keyhole: a blue ray came out of it and the next second, Keyhole was petrified. Maybe in a few years, would Bill feel generous enough to free him, but for now he didn't want anyone to bother him. Seeing that, the rest of the Henchmaniacs scattered away.

Bill sat on his throne and stayed like that for what seemed an eternity. Maybe it was; because when he finally sighed and came out of his stupor, he saw that the landscape had changed. The little asteroid that floated next to his feet evolved into a small star, bright and blinking like a mini-sun. Bill stared at it for a minute.

"Huh."

The cute little star reminded him of Ford. It was an insignificant piece of garbage but nonetheless, it was pure and shiny and so, so small compared to the rest of the Nightmare Realm. It somehow stayed next to Bill without attracting his attention, until its brilliance made itself known and now Bill couldn't miss it, even if he wanted to. It became a nice addition to his immediate surroundings and wasn't it funny, wasn't it great to have such a small yet unmistakably beautiful thing within his reach, just for him to spoil and ruin?

Bill took the star in his hands and crushed it. It was reduced to ashes in a second.

"Ridiculous," he sighed. "I'm such a dumbass. Why would it matter? He's just a human. A human! A mortal whose life will end in the blink of an eye. I only need him to build my portal and after that, it's adios!"

With those good resolutions in mind, Bill went back to Gravity Falls.

Ford's dreamscape was depicting a muddy sky when he arrived. There was no star, no moon, not even clouds to block the view, only a brown atmosphere and brown, dry trees planted like they were meticulously aligned carrots in a vegetable garden. There was a rocky platform in the middle of the trees, and Ford was laying on it in a fetal position, his face hidden under his arms. Was he crying? It was hard to see, he was immobile and didn't make a sound. If anything, he looked dead.

For a minute, Bill hesitated.

"Good morning, Gravity Falls!"

False bravado was his thing. Being loud, being obnoxious and irritating was like a second nature to him. Bill Cipher was weird; Bill Cipher was horrible and self-centered and didn't care about others' boundaries. He heard those criticisms so many times in the past! Why not make them real, or at least realer than reality? That was his shtick! The reason he was so famous among other people in the different galaxies!

Ford's body moved. He took a sitting position, raised his head and looked at Bill.

His eyes were full of tears. He wiped them furiously on his sleeve and smiled. Bill felt like someone punched him on his eye.

"My Muse! You're back? You're really back?"

Bill missed the next beat. No sound came out of him; only when Ford suddenly moved to stare at him more intently did he remember to talk.

Talk. It was all down to it. Talk, and nothing else.

"Ha, missed me, Sixer?"

Ford's smile was sad and unenthusiastic, not like the brilliant and eager smiles he liked to show every time he saw Bill. It was unnerving, for some reason.

"I'm so glad... You were gone for six months, I thought... I thought..."

"Six months already? How time flies!"

To be honest, Bill was the first surprised: he didn't even realize how long he was gone! Months and years passed in the blink of an eye for him, but he shouldn't forget that Ford was mortal and thus had a limited time frame at his disposition. Good thing he came out of his funk before the man was too old to recognize him! That was such a miscalculation on his part!

"I thought you were angry because of... uh..."

He became red like that, Ford, this silly specimen of a human. There was nothing to be ashamed of. They just had... sexual intercourse the last time they met. It was nothing new to Bill. He'd had thousands of those inside several humans' dreamscapes before. Even if the guy was a virgin, he should have known what he was doing, at least a little? He was the one who happily bounced on Bill's human form's dick after all!

"Bill? You've become pink... Are you okay?"

"I'm fine and dandy!" Bill's voice sounded fake and forced, even to himself. What a farce! There was nothing to be ashamed of! Why would he be ashamed anyway? It was just him and this good old Ford! Moving on!

"I'm so glad you're back. These last months were horrible. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I thought you abandoned me!"

"Oh, come on, it's not too bad! You're sleeping right now, aren't you?"

"Only because Fiddleford convinced me to take a sleeping pill. He was worried about my health."

Fiddleford. Bill remembered the name: it was some guy he saw in Ford's memories. A scientist? Why did this nobody give sleeping pills to his Ford?

"Whoah, now you're red! What's going on? Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'M FINE."

Ford visibly flinched. Pitiful, pitiful! How unreasonable! How weak and unbearably human! What can't he understand with this situation? Bill didn't want to talk about it, there was no need for that, everything was fine, FINE!

"I... I'm sorry." Pitiful whining. Pitiful side glances. Everything in this human was weak and pitiful and so, so... emotional. Bill couldn't stand it.

"There's nothing to be sorry about!" He massaged his eyebrow. There it was, the hint of a headache. He loathed it. Nothing was simple and everything was too much.

Ford was too much.

"Is it... because of that?"

"What?"

How ridiculous. Bill never met a human so... infuriating before.

"The thing we... did."

"We didn't do anything, pal!" Bill's right eyebrow twitched. "We're in your dream. Nothing happened because nothing is real in here! All of that was just a coalition of electric signals in your brain. Fascinating, huh?"

"It felt real for me." Blushing again. The epitome of a shy maiden in distress. Bill groaned; that made Ford flinch. That was unacceptable.

"Hey, we had fun, so what? It's the first step to a life full of sexual encounters for you! You'll be so popular now that you know what to do!"

"I don't really want to be popular like that..."

"Why not? Sex is fun and you humans love it!"

"I... did love it... with you."

"Hah, see?" Bill chose to ignore the last part. "Now that we recharged our batteries, we can continue with the portal! Any progression, Big Boy?"

Ford wiped his tears, still visibly shaken, but he didn't complain and tried to regain his composure. Bill noticed how pale and sickly he looked. He didn't say anything: what did it matter? He only needed the man for the portal. Even if Ford died a second after opening the passage between their dimensions, it wouldn't matter.

"I asked my old friend for his help. We bought a model that showed a lot of potential. He's currently working on the full-size portal."

"Say again?"

"His name is Fiddleford McGucket. I already told you about him, he was my roommate during college. He's a mechanical genius, so his expertise is fundamental for the actual building of the portal. I'm good at the formulas and theories, but I never got the hang of the construction part when it comes to the machinery."

Bill recalled a lanky man with a mustache and the thick accent of a hillbilly chasing after his livestock. The guy might have been the only person apart his brother that Ford ever called a friend. It had been brief and they separated after Fiddleford got married, but the fact that Ford still had his contact was the proof that they somehow remained close. Why would a man like that abandon his wife to work on such an unusual project in the middle of nowhere? That didn't make any sense.

"Did you tell him about me?"

"Not yet. I figured... you would want to know if I did?"

"Sure Jan! I don't let anyone know about my powerful self, it's a special privilege I only grant to special people, like you!"

Ford looked delighted. Of course he did. Bill must be the most interesting thing that happened to him in his whole pathetic life.

"I'm glad you're not angry at me."

"Huh? Why would I be angry?"

"Because of what I said. You know..." Another blush; this guy had all the blood in his body on his face. "That I love you."

Oh, right. That pesky little confession. It wasn't the first time it happened: usually, Bill's partners were so obsessed with him that they did everything to become his lovers. It was par for the course and once they had sex, the claiming would start. They wanted Bill to be exclusive, they found pet names to blurt during sex... Though in Ford's case, the pet names already existed before they had any kind of intercourse. How funny.

"That's perfect because I love you too!" The lies were so easy. A routine. "You're my special boy!"

"Really?"

"Of course! You really think I'd let anyone fuck... I mean, that I'd fuck anyone, let alone a human? It's because of our mutual feelings that we could do that!"

Ford smiled, tilted his head to give access to Bill. What an awkward pose. Bill raised his hand, touched the human's cheek, tentatively. Ford leaned into it; if he was a cat, Bill was certain he would start to purr. They stayed like that for a few seconds.

"I love you so much, Bill," Ford whispered. "Sometimes, it scares me. You're so old and powerful, and I'm just... me."

"You're a brilliant scientist who's about to change the fate of your dimension forever," Bill said distractedly. "You're not like the others."

"I'm not, am I?" Ford emitted a chuckle that sounded like a sob. "Everyone around me always told me that, even my bullies. I'm not like the others. It's true, isn't it?"

"Of course it is. You're great. The greatest!"

"Not as great as you, my Muse. You're so... so... fantastical!"

"I'm one of a kind!" It wasn't too bad after all: stupid as he was, this human did recognize some unwavering truths. "You should have seen me at one million! I was at the peak of my greatness."

"I'd love to hear all about it."

Around them, the forest was getting brighter and more colorful. The brown trees were starting to gain more green hues, the sun was rising up and the air became more breathable. The hard rock where Ford was sitting transformed into a wooden bench. Bill forced himself to sit next to Ford, who immediately got closer.

"Can I... hug you?"

"You don't have to ask, Fordsy, of course you can!"

Ford didn't wait: he leaned against Bill's entire body until he was snuggled against him. Two big men hugging on a bench in the middle of a forest. What a strange scene.

"I love you," Ford repeated, visibly relaxed and happy. "I think... I think I'll love you until the end of time. No, I'm sure of it."

It was nauseating. These words were empty, a lie within a lie, all of them started by Bill himself. The one Ford loved was not him, but a version he cultivated to appeal to this foolish human, a meek and peaceful god whose sole wish was to share his knowledge with more primitive species so they would advance faster. The perfect dream for a perfect idiot.

"I love you too."

The lie rolled on his tongue, hollow and painful like the pricking of a million needles. Bill snuggled against Ford and let him dream.