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Hi there hot stuff

Summary:

This fic is inspired from that cutscene you get playing as a male elf. Where in camp Oghren makes a move on him drunkly. So my Warden and Zevran decides to gaslihting Oghren next day that they had a threesome, bc I just love tormenting that guy >:3

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Nael was rummaging through their collected loot in the camp. Sorting them into different chests, by value and their intended use. When he felt a firm hand on his ass, he stopped. Zevran does it playfully. He is more of a flirter than grabber. Alistair wouldn’t even joke around with the two of them like this. If Sten would grab him, he would definitely know it by the huge hands. So that person grabbing his behind only could be… Oghren.

The stench hit him like a trebuchet, as the dwarf leaned in to his ear. “What do we have here, hot stuff?” He rumbled into his ears seductively. Making Nael shiver from disgust. “Leaning in with your ass all on display. Such a flirt!” He had drank himself to be flirty, apparently. Seems like Nael, with his slender build and skirt like armor, could pass as a woman. The dark night with the fireplace as an only sort of light source didn’t help either.

He never, ever thought to see Ogren make a move on him. He tried with the ladies in their group, but they reacted with well deserved disgust. Once a fireball from Morrigan. Sometimes Oghren had weird comments on the relationship between Zevran and the warden. Out-of-pocket questions, like who is the one who puts it in? Who is the woman between them? Always hurling vomiting sounds when they are being all lovey-dovey in front of the others. Making fun of the elfs for looking girl-like and weak. Altough Nael tried not to take it personally considering Ogren always has some disrespectful opinions he shares to the dismay of everyone in a hearing distance.

Honestly, Nael was stunned. Frozen in place as he felt Oghren’s hand clumsily palming his ass. “No need to be shy sweety!” Nael met Leliana’s eyes, who was sitting next to her. The song she played on her lute faltered. Both of them couldn’t believe their eyes. Zevran had to grip Stens arm not to fall forward from the held back silent laughter that gripped him.

Nael had an idea. “Oh wow! Such a muscular warrior we have here!” He ground back into the man. And to surprise him, he tucked back his long hair seductively, revealing himself to Oghren. Unsuccessful because it looks like he is too drunk to realize it’s his leader and also a man.

“I can show you what a powerful warrior I can be!” He flexed his arm for him. The sweaty shirt on him stretched out, flashing his belly.

“A magnificent stallion if you will ser!” Zevran chimed in, massaging Oghren’s shoulders. Winking at Nael to see how far they can play this till he realizes it. The older man straightened his back to all the praise. Nael turned around, kneeling on the ground, and caressed his beard playfully. “And do you think you could take me?”

“In a fight?” Blurted out Oghren, slowly turning redder. He is typically all bark, no bite. He never gets this far with the ladies. They would already slap his face or something.
”Oh, but a mighty dwarf like you could have us both, wouldn’t you?” Purred Zevran. They both awaited to see him get it.

He was as red as his beard, his mouth dry, stunned for a moment. “Me and you two gorgeous! Pwoah! What a day!” He gathered his courage and grabbed Nael’s waist. “You’ll wouldn’t be forgetting the Oghren special anytime, heh!” He claimed, excited as this once in a lifetime opportunity aroused.

“Go on, wait for us in your tent, handsome!” The warden winked at him, biting his lip. Trying really hard not to look at Zevrans face cuz he wont be able not to laugh.

They all watched as the old fighter swayed his way to a random tent, then tripped up on nothing, and fell into a deep sleep. The team bursted out in a thunder of laugher. Except Vynne and Alistair, Sten wasn’t impressed either. Morrigan missed this, sadly being too far away from the fireplace. Oghren was predictable, as usual.

Nael checked his pulse after he arranged him in a position where he wouldn’t choke on his vomit or tongue. It was rather tragic to see him destroy himself like that with alcohol. They tried to help him with this addiction. He is just such a tough rock to break through. At least he was an entertaining drunk guy. Zevran helped move him. The dwarf was surprisingly heavy. He paused and with a glint in his eyes said, “Hear me out! We could do the funniest thing ever…”

———————————————————————

The next morning came with a painfully nasty headache for Oghren. He didn’t wake up in his tent. It’s an unfamiliar place. Looking around, he is all twisted up in the sheets. Surrounded by personal things and candles. Just his small clothes on him. Disoriented, he crawled out to the cruelly bright evening.
”Look who woke up! After yesterday, I’m really surprised you are this energetic.” Beamed at him, the leader of their group. Holding a bowl of soup gently out for him. This warmth confused Oghren a bit. He had never been this sweet to him before; he had only been passive aggressive.
”Good morning, our fine warrior!” Oghren jumped when he felt Zevran grabbing his hips from behind, purring into his ears. He paled.
“What the hells you two are on about?” wriggling his way out of the assassins’s arm.
”Don’t tell me you don’t remember?” Gasped Nael, placing his palm on his chest with a hurt voice. “How could you forget the beautiful night we shared?” You could’ve heard the cogs turning in his head slowly. He watched Zevran sitting back next to the warden, reassuringly hugging them. “How could you forget the passionate night we shared ser?! Accused the man who stood there embarrassed.

“Wait?! We three had…?” The bood rushed into his face. His red hair made him look like he was on fire. The world spinning around him.
”Yes, we enjoyed each other company, or as you would say… We were rolling our oats, polishing the footstones, or forging the moaning statue, if you will,” Listed Zevran patiently while articulating with his hands.  
”Why on earth would I!…” Tried to argue with the two, raising his voice but got interrupted by Leliana.
”Can you stop yelling?! I’ve couldn’t sleep all night from your animalistic moaning all night, Oghren. Next time keep it down honestly! Some of us want to rest.” She said, then closed her tents flap back to leave the three alone.


”It was music to our ears don’t you worry about it! Although if you could keep up your performance for longer, that would be appreciated.” Reassured Zevran, “I have some plants and salves that could have you keep going for hours, my good man.”


”Shut up, you!!” He grumbled, reaching for his forehead. He needs a drink to process this. He could not get rid of his blushing face. Oghren was furious, but his stomach tightening wasn’t because of that. Thinking about the two handsome men in front of him, just imagining their steamy night, their bodies of them together?! He never thought he would get laid nowadays. All those women rejecting his advances. Not only he got to bang a Gray warden, but an Antivan crow assassin at the same time too! By the great ancestors! He didn’t know he had it in him! But the fact they are all men left him concerned.

“Hold on, does this mean I’m…” He gasped. “Did I fucked you, our one of you had…?” Oghren stopped, unable to finish the sentence.
The smile on their faces grew long, just waiting for him to ask this.


”My dear friend Oghren, you were absolutely radiating with want yesterday! For as someone as new to this as you, it was impressive. Your eagerness in that blowjob for our Nael was endearing. And of course you were taking me and all I had so well. Never seen a man spill so much just from penetration. It was a miracle you still were standing to have our warden ride you like there’s no tomorrow. Such a powerful soldier you are, isn’t he, Nael?” Said Zevran proudly. Too loudly for Oghren, he looked around quickly, as if the others had heard it. Shame burning his ears.


”Ou! he was such a delight! Lasting four rounds just for us! If I knew you had this in you! Hm…” purred the other elf, caressing Zevran’s thigh.


”By the Stone… I can’t..” He just had to sit down. Oghren got himself into questionable situations before. One worse than the other. But this was maybe topping all of them. Mortified, he just sat there, looking ahead with a blank expression. Wondering if it’s a good thing he doesn’t remember this, or mourning, he doesn’t get to know what this night was like.


He sat there slouched, defeated. After a long silence, when they heard him sniff. Nael pitied him and sighed. “Oghren, we were just joking. Maybe we took it far, waay too far. We did not spend the night together at all. You drank yourself unconscious. We just wanted to prank you, that’s all.” Oghren just looked at him with a startled look. “Just wanted to get you back for your mean jabs.” the life coming back to Oghren’s face. A huge rock fell off his shoulder.

“You bastards!” Although he was a little disappointed, he didn’t get that threesome. ”You lying sons of bitches! Urgh… I need a drink after this,” He growled, tired. However, embarrassingly, he didn’t want to admit it. He really needs to think about this.

 

 

 

 

Notes:

Thanks for reading! I hope you had fun <3